#the last bit is kind of a repeat of a previous post but i'm putting this on pifo too

[starsandhughes]

Penalty Box Series— Quinn Hughes Edition (Two)

23-24 Season Masterlist

previous: one

next: three

trevor's game

i’m so behind i’m so sorry! and i’m sorry it's short!

OCTOBER 14, 2024

yourusername

liked by _quinnhughes, jackhughes, and 11,353 others

yourusername ladies and gentlecars, welcome back to my post game penalty box update show!

today, october 14th, not only is it the anniversary of my best friend and brother being born, but it's also the day that the canucks won against the oilers again!

last game, leon draisaitl said "it's good to get smacked around a bit." when he scored 42 seconds in, i was worried the oilers would get their revenge, but my fear was proven to be useless! we won 4-3! AND quinny got an assist on kuzy's goal! what a lovely birthday present! (mine was better, but this is a good one, too) and shoutout to hyman for quite literally carrying quinn into the glass, that was a gift for me! so kind!

ANYHOOZLE— quinny, i’m so proud of you! you're popping off this season already and it's only been two games! i love you way past infinity💙 keep it up, bestie! and happy birthday, once again <3

tagged _quinnhughes

view all 236 comments

_quinnhughes i love you way past infinity💙 we need to talk about the tweet in the last photo

yourusername that's exactly what happened idk what we need to talk about

_quinnhughes it's not! i didn't go up to mcdavid and ask to win! and i’m not 5'8!

yourusername you're a lot

_quinnhughes you're a lot more

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes 24 has made you mean

oliviaabonn @_quinnhughes i’ve been asked to tell you congratulations!

_quinnhughes @/yourusername you'll ask her but tell everyone else? (thank you❤️)

yourusername @_quinnhughes i’m sexist

oliviaabonn @/yourusername ❤️

user12 SMILEY QUINN AHH

user8 i didn't notice that hyman lifted quinn AHA

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes you're going to need to give y/n a penalty at some point

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras you first

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes i fear the twins of terror have bets

jackhughes @/trevorzegras you don't know shit

yourusername @/trevorzegras don't trust fear

trevorzegras @/yourusername somehow, that was ominous

jackhughes @/trevorzegras she puts the terror in twins of terror

_quinnhughes @/yourusername @/jackhughes BIRTHDAY CLAUSE

yourusername @_quinnhughes IF we made that bet, it would not be game specific, therefore we would not have broken the birthday clause

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras trust fear

user67 we've got a "high and scared" quinn pic! hallelujah!

lhughes_06 what if i don't want to be a gentlecar?

yourusername are you telling me you're a lady car?

lhughes_06 no! i'm telling you i’m a rough car

_quinnhughes @/lhughes_06 don't... don't say that

lhughes_06 @_quinnhughes i see it now

yourusername i'm in LOVE with my caAARRR!

jackhughes @/yourusername that just makes it sound like you're in love with luke

trevorzegras @/yourusername @/lhughes_06 @_quinnhughes @/jackhughes stop... just stop talking... i'm begging

user51 quinn giving the kid a puck i'm-😭

colecaufield @_quinnhughes LAME

_quinnhughes @/colecaufield just because your captain got a penalty tonight doesn't mean that all captains should've gotten a penalty

yourusername @_quinnhughes i disagree.

colecaufield @_quinnhughes and i agree with whatever she says

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes me too

_quinnhughes @/yourusername @/colecaufield @.trevorzegras i didn't ask

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes i repeat: 24 has made you mean

yourusername @/trevorzegras you can't call him mean on his birthday!

trevorzegras @/yourusername what would you call him?!

yourusername @/trevorzegras spicy nice

_quinnhughes @/yourusername i- sure

trevorzegras @/yourusername this is why i love you

yourusername @/trevorzegras always?

trevorzegras @/yourusername forever❤️

user21 WHAT is going on in that sixth pic omfg

user38 the fact that the canucks won 4-3 when quinn is 43 on quinn's birthday is so poetic

liked by yourusername

jackhughes @_quinnhughes next time fight draisaitl

_quinnhughes @/jackhughes i’d rather not die

colecaufield @_quinnhughes but you'd give the princess so much joy!

yourusername @/colecaufield idk i think drai could demolish him and i kinda wanna keep him

_quinnhughes @/yourusername who are you and what have you done with sissy?

trevorzegras @/yourusername you want all of us to fight jamie benn

yourusername @/trevorzegras i'd accept your death if it meant i got to see a jamie benn fight

_quinnhughes @/yourusername there's my girl

[canirove]

Friends, lovers… and an orange | Epilogue

Author's note: And we've made it to the end! 😞 I must confess I was very insecure about this story when I started posting it and I still kind of am, I know it isn't one of my bests 😅 So the fact that you guys have read it and supported it, means a lot more than usual. I hope you like this last chapter (it finally explains what the orange on the title means 😅), and again, thank you very much for reading 💜

Previous chapter

Masterlist

A few years later…

“Mase, we are gonna be late for dinner.”

“We won't. C'mon.”

“Can we at least walk a bit slower? You know heels aren't my thing, and on grass…”

“Then grab my arm. But c'mon, Addie. I don't want us to miss the sunset.”

“It's just the sunset, Mase” she chuckled as they continued walking through the gardens of their Italian villa. Because after all the summers they had spent there, and all the things they had lived and that had made it feel like it was their second home, Mason and Adele had decided to buy it. 

“Today is your birthday, Addie. Everything about it is special.”

“I see… Is that the reason why you've made us all dress so fancy tonight?”

“Exactly. Only the best for the woman I love” Mason smiled, his dimple showing. 

The previous year they had celebrated Adele's birthday at the beach with a big barbecue, their friends and families wearing just their swimsuits. But this year, for whatever the reason, Mason had been super picky and planned everything for everyone to the point that he had made a schedule with all the things they were going to do throughout the day. He had even booked a day just for Adele, their mums, Jourdan and Rianne, where they had gone to a spa and then to shop their outfits for the big day. 

“Ok, so, umm…” Mason said when they made it to the spot he had chosen for them to watch the sunset. “Remember when I came to Italy to shoot my perfume campaign?”

“How to forget the perfume that started it all” she chuckled.

“Yeah” he smiled. “Well, half of the team was Spanish, and during lunch time we were talking about relationships and things like that, and one guy explained that in Spain to say that you've found your other half, you say you've found your media naranja.”

“Your what?” she laughed.

“My Spanish sucks, ok? Don't make fun of me” he replied, sticking out his tongue. “The literal translation would be to find your half an orange.”

“That's… weird.”

“It actually isn't. You are half an orange, and someone else is the other half of that orange. When you meet and get together, you make an orange, you complete the other. And that reminded me of us.”

“Are you calling me half an orange?” 

“Addie…” he sighed. “I'm trying to be romantic and you are making fun of me.”

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please continue.”

“Oranges have always been important to us. Our first kiss was under this very same orange tree. A perfume that smelled like oranges got us into a mess that led us to getting closer and to you falling in love with me. And it was here again, under this tree, where I confessed my feelings for you, which also led us to finally being together.”

“Yeah, finally” she smiled.

“So yes, Addie” Mason said, taking her hands on his. “You are half an orange. My half an orange. And together we make the most perfect one, an orange that was always destined to be made of those two halfs, of you and I. Of us together. Like you once said years ago, we are soulmates.”

“We are” she smiled.

“And because you are my soulmate, my media naranja” he said with his bad Spanish, making her laugh while letting go of her hands and getting on one knee. “Adele Antonia Turlington, would you marry me?”

“Mase” she gasped when she saw the little box on his hand, the most beautiful ring inside it. “Mase I… I… Yes.”

“Yes?” he asked, his smile growing bigger by the second, his dimples showing in all their glory. 

“Yes” she repeated, tears already rolling down her cheeks. “Yes and a million times yes. I love you, Mason” she said after he stood up and put the ring on her finger. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“I think you are gonna have to say it again, I didn't hear you” he smirked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I love you, Mason. My soulmate, my half an orange, my everything.”

“I love you too, Addie” he smiled before kissing her, cheers and clapping being heard somewhere.

“What… what was that?” Adele asked.

“That has to be our family and friends.”

“What?”

“They were watching” Mason said.

“What?” she repeated, this time louder.

“I wanted to remember this moment, so I asked them to hide and film it and take photos.”

“Aww, Mase.”

“Cute, uh?” he smirked. “But there is more.”

“More?”

“More” he smiled before taking the hand where her new ring was shining and starting to walk towards where the voices had come from.

“Mase, what… What is all this?” Adele asked him. 

“Our wedding.”

“Our what?”

“I know we just literally got engaged, but I don't want to wait, Addie. I want to marry you and make it official in front of everyone we love that I want to spend the rest of my life with you as your husband.”

“You… what… I…” she mumbled, looking from Mason to where their parents, their brothers, and some of their closest friends, like Jourdan and Rianne, were waiting for them. 

But they weren't the only thing that was making Adele's eyes be about to pop from their sockets. They were standing next to an arch made with white flowers and orange details, the sea and the town nearby being perfectly framed behind it. It was simple, but stunning. 

“Is this the reason why you've been acting so weird this whole trip and being so annoying with your schedule? Because you were planning it all?” she asked. 

“Yeah… Sorry about that” Mason said. “But I was so nervous, Addie. I wanted it all to be perfect. And I know you probably had in mind something bigger, something with more flowers and live music and…”

“I love it, Mase” Adele cut him. 

“Really?”

“Yes” she nodded, trying to not start crying again. 

“Then do you want to do it? Do you want to marry me?”

“I already said yes, didn't I?” she chuckled, showing him her ring. 

“You did, yes” he smiled. “Shall we, then?”

“Yes” Adele smiled back.

“Ok. Then wait here, I'm gonna tell everyone” Mason said before running towards their family and friends, leaving Adele alone with her thoughts. 

She was going to marry him. Him, Mason, her Mase. And she was about to do it in her favourite place in the whole wide world, the Italian villa where they had made so many memories together, the one that meant so much to them and that now was their home too. 

“I believe this is for you” Luca said, meeting Adele and giving her a big bouquet of flowers that matched the ones on the arch.

“Thank you” she smiled. “But shouldn't be dad the one walking me to the altar?”

“Love you too, sis” he replied, rolling his eyes.

“I didn't mean it like that, Luca. You know I love you and that you are my favourite little brother.”

“I am the only little brother you have, Addie.”

“Alex has always been like a little brother to me too.”

“Yeah, try to fix it now” he said, trying to look mad.

“I love you, Luca” Adele said, caressing his cheek. 

“I know you do, Addie. I know” he smiled. “Anyway, should we do this? I think Mason is starting to fear you may run away.”

“I'm not running away, you idiot” she said, hitting her brother.

“Ouch!” he complained. “You do love him, don't you, sis?”

“With my whole heart” she said, looking at where Mason was standing, Toni trying to tame his hair. “But you still haven't told me why dad isn't walking me.”

“Oh, that. He's marrying you.”

“What?”

“Yeah” Luca said. “He got some kind of certificate and is legally allowed to do it. So, ready to become Adele Mount?” 

“I'm not changing my last name, Luca.”

“Good” he smiled. “Then let's do this.” 

“Yes” Adele said, taking the arm her brother was offering her, her heart beating so fast in her chest she felt it was going to break her ribs. And as she got closer to where Mason was, she felt it could actually happen.

“You look gorgeous, Addie” he said.

“I look the same I did five minutes ago” she chuckled. 

“Are you ready, guys?” Adele's dad said, making them stop looking at each other like two idiots. 

“Ready” they both said. 

The ceremony didn't last long. Her dad gave a little speech, Jourdan sang one of their favourite songs (she had always been an amazing singer), and they exchanged their vows and the rings.

“And now I pronounce you husband and wife” Adele's dad said. “You may kiss the bride.” 

“Finally” Mason said, wrapping his hands around her waist and making her lean back like they do in movies, all while she laughed and held onto him. “How was that for our first kiss as husband and wife?” he asked against her lips.

“Perfect” she smiled.

“Just so you know, it is going to be the first kiss of many. Because I'm gonna be kissing you for the rest of our very very long lives together… wife” he smirked, his left cheek dimple showing.

“Looking forward to it… husband” she giggled.

“I love you, Addie” he said, brushing his nose against hers.

“I love you too, Mase” she replied before kissing him again. 

━━━━❃━━━━ FIN ━━━━❃━━━━

[cocklessboy]

Conditional Male Privilege

Not long ago I wrote up a long post about my newfound male privilege when it comes to health care which uh. Kind of broke containment.

This past week I had an experience which reminded me that no matter how much progress I make, my male privilege is still extremely conditional.

There are the obvious points like, I'm gay, and soft, and gentle, and chubby, and short, so a lot of people see me as "not a real man" even if they don't realize I'm trans.

But even in the very situation I used as an example of my privilege before (health care), that privilege can be stripped away in an instant if you get the wrong doctor.

Last week I had to see my GP for an urgent problem: I had covid. (They insisted I had to come in person, though obviously I wore a mask.) I have a lot of chronic health issues, and I wanted to try antivirals to reduce my odds of getting long covid (even though my symptoms weren't too severe). Because it was urgent, I didn't get a choice of which doctor at my clinic I would get to see. And the one they sent me to was a woman with a history of dismissing my chronic health problems and pain as "just anxiety."

I had not seen this doctor since my transition. But as I wrote in my previous post, any female-presenting readers will know what I mean when I say she "talked to me like a girl."

First off, she called me in by my deadname. She is the only doctor at this clinic who does this. Everyone else knows to call me by my real name even though it's not officially changed yet. There's a big obvious note on my file. But she called me in by my deadname (in front of the entire waiting room) and when she saw me, she didn't quickly apologize or correct herself.

I explained the issue: I have covid (they tested me and confirmed it) and I want to try antivirals because my chronic health problems (still in the process of being formally diagnosed) put me at greater risk of long covid.

And suddenly I was a child again, facing a mean lady doctor who wanted to lecture me about how I was wasting her time. She didn't scold me, didn't get angry. She just laughed. She chuckled at every concern I brought up. She raised her eyebrow. She rolled her eyes several times.

She refused to check my file. She refused to take my temperature. She kept telling me to "stop worrying so much."

I explained, calmly, rationally, that I would like to try antivirals to reduce my risk of long covid. She explained, holding back laughter, that I "wasn't that sick" and "it's not like you're at risk." She specified, "It's not like you have an autoimmune disorder or something." I countered, calmly, rationally, that in fact I was at risk, or at least there was a strong chance of me being at risk. That I had a lot of chronic health problems that have been documented for years, that one of my doctors suspects and autoimmune disorder such as MCAS (given that I have bad allergic-seeming reactions to almost everything including most medications, even antihistamines, and severe acid reflux that prevents me from taking most meds that might help me), and that while the process of getting a diagnosis might take a very long time, my symptoms ought to make it clear that I am at a higher risk than a typical person. What's more, it's the middle of summer, in a heat wave, the infection rate being reported is extremely low, and there should be no shortage of antivirals for those who want them.

Refused to check my file. Rolled her eyes. Scoffed. Repeated that I'm not that sick. That I'm not at risk. Put on her "okay, sweetie" voice and insisted that I was fine, that I just needed to "stop worrying", that "covid is mild now," that I just needed "vitamin c and a bit of rest," and that she "wasn't worried."

If I found myself with a bad cough or a fever, I could come back to her (she specified) in a few days for a check-up. I told her I already had those symptoms. I'd been suppressing the cough with menthol candies to avoid frightening the other patients and spewing germs everywhere, but I'd been kept up all night hacking up phlegm.

She raised her eyebrow and told me to take some Robitussin.

I told her I already had a fever, which was going up and down, but at its highest was high enough that adults are advised to seek medical assistance. She rolled her eyes and refused to even check my temperature.

She gave me two prescriptions for the symptoms and sent me on my way. I grabbed them at the pharmacy and looked at them closely when I got home.

One was a nasal spray. I can't use nasal sprays because of sensitivity in my nose, so that one was out immediately.

The other was pseudoephedrine (good, that's good stuff and not available OTC in this country)... combined with Loratadine. A fucking. Antihistamine.

She prescribed this to me less than five minutes after I finished explaining to her that I can't take most antihistamines.

Despite my increased confidence now that I'm on HRT, I still freeze up when faced with a hostile doctor. I have too many years of trauma (and too many autism gremlins) to be able to stand up for myself the way I should. I've tried memorizing the scripts - please write down in my file that you refused to give me this treatment and your reason why, and I would like a printed copy of that when I leave - I feel like you are treating me differently because I am transgender or because you perceive me as female and I would like that reflected in the notes for this visit - etc. But in the moment, all I can think of to say is "but... but.... but....... but I really am sick....."

And I've been masking my autistic traits and hiding my pain and illness for so long that a doctor who has already decided I'm a hypochondriac will always reply, simply: you don't look sick to me.

I wrote to the clinic asking for a written explanation for her refusal to give me antivirals, as well as a request for a different prescription because, "As I mentioned during my visit today," I couldn't take the antihistamine.

She replied by apologizing for the medication error and sending me a new prescription (pseudoephedrine + ibuprofen - you can't get pseudoephedrine on its own in this country). She did not respond to the part about refusing me antivirals.

I have booked an appointment later this week with the good doctor at this clinic, the one who takes me seriously and actually wants to help me. The one who gave me a referral for a pain doctor (something I'm still trying to get an appointment for - there's a shortage of specialists in this country). This time I'm going in prepared. I will follow up with him on my current state, and I will bring notes. I will tell him what happened with his colleague, how it made me feel, and how frustrated I am. I will ask him if there is any avenue for me to lodge a formal complaint. I may not have been able to stand up for myself in the moment, but I will not simply let this slide. It's too late for antivirals, but I will ask him to at least make sure the visit I had last week is recorded accurately in my file.

Fortunately my covid symptoms are mostly gone already and it seems I was lucky. Still, it will be some time before I am 100% sure I haven't gotten any long covid symptoms. And the fact that there was a medication readily available that could have increased my odds and I was refused it for no reason other than misogyny (doubly frustrating when directed at a trans man!) is utterly infuriating to me.

I am still better off than I once was. Most doctors DO take me more seriously now.

But my doctors will always know I'm trans, even when I get my paperwork updated.

And there will always be doctors who treat me like a woman.

And there will always be doctors who treat women like shit.

They shouldn't have talked to me that way. They should never talk to anyone that way.

[inmyhorrorsera]

S5E9 & S5E10 thoughts

Well, I liked it!

The biggest loser here is Episode 9 because all my thoughts are so occupied by the finale that I can't say much about the previous episode which wasn't even bad. So just three quick things:

Finally I get some good fucking food (The Guide content).

"I'm… going…to kill you… Guillermo" gave me CHILLS.

Guidja real.

Now, to Episode 10:

Didn't notice the previous episode how feral Nandor was filmed, his face all darkened except for a beam of light on his furious eyes, good and classic vampire shit!

Nadja Detective Policeman visiting Guillermo in that outfit😩

Wow, Guillermo treating Derek bad after all he did for him really make the point across that he's a shitty person.

There's something so 😙👌 about Nandor going back to Panera, always love a full circle moment.

I don't care about Patton Oswald as a comedian or person due some disgusting shit he pulled years ago, so sadly I couldn't enjoy his scenes with Nandor that much. I loved that after the whole conversation he still killed him tho. I read someone in the tags paralleling this scene to Guillermo and Meg in S3E2, and I fully agree with that interpretation.

Laszlo helping Guillermo and apologizing…😭 He loves him! I would love to see more of how Laszlo feels about his "frustrations" (his innability to help Guillermo, the impotency of seeing Colin grow up and not remember him). That's something that should be explored better next season imo.

Him trying to have a serious conversation but keep getting distracted by the porn is me trying to watch this show as a dumb comedy but getting distracted by the nandermo of it all.

All the vampires visiting him with dumb excuses was so cute. I wish I never see those creatures ever again tho.

Ahhhh Nandor calling Guillermo from his mother in law mom's house was some psycho shit. Also it remind me a bit of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when Spike visits Buffy's mom just to taunt her. Imagine Nandor pulling this shit:

(Silvia immediately stakes him of course).

"My friend, Patton Oswalt, he passed away". The solemn way he says it as if he wasn't the culprit 😭.

The moment of Guillermo putting the stake on Nandor's neck was an explicit sex scene for me and for everyone with good taste.

On the opposite side, Nandor helping Guillermo with the red cape is SO SOFT, it's all about being equals this time.

The Djinn… oof… as someone who was begging for his appearance since the beginning of the season, this stunt left me cold… sorry but everything that starts with "it happened off screen" it's bad writing. It's giving "Daenerys kind of forgot…" level of bad.

Didn't like that suddenly Nandor is smarter than the others (specially if we come from an episode when Laszlo called him 'a fuckin idiot' for not getting the Guide reveal).

I already mentioned this in a post I made last night, but I'll repeat it verbatim here, because I stand by it:

I don't believe FOR A SECOND that Laszlo didn't try to feed Guillermo human blood 🤔 Remember when Nadja on s1 went on an entire mission to help Jenna to complete her transformation? (hey everybody, remember Jenna?) How Guillermo 'all my life I dreamed of being a vampire' did not know that piece of lore??

"Guillermo can't kill people" Umm whoever decided to go on this direction, I recommend them this show on FX called What we do in the shadows it's very good! (when consistent).

I…. don't trust that "Guillermo is not cut to be a vampire" stuff… sounds like retcon… BUT! I love the "Guillermo is not cut to be a vampire YET, specially if he isnt sired by Nandor" interpretation.

From the beginning I had this hunch that Guillermo's longing for a family and community (I'm not saying he dislikes his bio family, but obviously he grow up distant from them, probably for being queer and feeling like "an outsider") was a reason for being so desperate to become a vampire. Now that he has the family (bio AND chosen) and the community, it's his time to think if he STILL wants to be vampire or not (and he said at the fake ceremony that he still wants it 😌).

Lmao Guillermo's beard... that thing... didn't look like it was growing from Harvey's face.

🗣️HE 🗣️KEPT 🗣️THE 🗣️GLASSES!!!

More Derek! And with better make up than that ashy talcum powder nightmare from Episode 1!! WTF they got rid of another character of color again??!! Benedict Wong what are you doing here???!!! Yay??????

I really like that Topher is a "functional" zombie in comparison with his state in S2E1, it makes sense with the zombies we saw on the original movie.

Still weird that we end the episode and season here, with Derek happy ending?

HOT take but I like that it didn't end on a cliffhanger, considering that we don't know the state of the show post strikes yet AND after s4 I don't trust this people with cliffhangers ever again lol.

Now that the season is finished I came to realize Nadja's entire arc AGAIN was a big 'ol nothing, huh? The hex, her Antipaxos found family, the little stunt as a teacher, literal "throw at the wall and see what it sticks". I'm sorry but I'll repeat: WWDITS learn how to write women challenge.

Excited to see how Guillermo and Nandor's relationship will develop from now on, I know some people are frustrated but as someone who is used to slow burns being SLOW this is my shit. I joke a lot about the pairing but also I understand that this is the shit&farts show first, nandermo nation second (unlike some people that appears they only consume and rate media depending on how much kissy kissy is on the screen).

From 1 to 10, I'll give this season a 7. Not that good as my god tier seasons (S2 is a 9, S3 is a 10), but not so bad as S4.

What I want next season:

Guillermo NEEDS to be a Bad Bitch again: slaying vampires like the Van Helsing he is, being gay af, not being scared to sass out Nandor, etc.

Laszlo and Colin NEED to have a real talk.

Consistency.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEARN HOW TO WRITE FOR NADJA I'M ON MY KNEES AT THIS POINT!!!

[ferret-does-stuff]

What I think could happen in Double because the wait is killing me:

So if you've seen my blog before you'd know I am a little bit insane about Milgram, especially Mikoto so I thought that I would make one last theory post on him before the release of Double. This will mainly focus on his song's teaser and voice lines

First let's look at the official translation of Double's lyrics so far:

"I should have saved you, but why are you crying?"

"Rely on me, praise me with your song, I am your saviour"

Let's start with the first line before we piece everything together

The singer saying that "I should have saved you" makes it seem that the main speaker of this song will be one of the alters. The title "Double" could refer to this alter and the host Mikoto, or this alter and another potential alter if the three alter theory is correct, although the former seems more likely.

I think that a major part of Double will be some kind of flashback to Mikoto's past and how the alter/s came to be. I mentioned in a previous post that Mikoto's father could potentially be the reason for his DID through child abuse, which he may have been arrested for, thus him being out of the picture and Mikoto not remembering much of him (possibly through repression)

Now for the second line, "I am your saviour" points to this alter being a protector, most likely the first one to make themself known. I think part of the MV will show the first time an alter protected mikoto, possibly by attacking the person responsible for the repeated abuse.

Could this tell us anything about the victim? Probably not. But I'm going inhale some copium and try anyway.

Mikoto's victim (or at least one of them) is almost definitely a colleague of his. I don't personally believe the gang theory (because Mikoto dislikes violence, not much else sorry) so I believe the victim may have been harassing him, overworking him or just generally causing him to become ridiculously stressed to the point an alter intervenes, or Mikoto himself does.

In the voice line trailer:

"Oh, Es... It's been a while"

Not much to say, Mikoto doesn't seem the remember the initial interrogation. This seems to be Host Mikoto.

"Ack... oww... my head hurts"

This might hint that over the course of the trials the other alters may have been fronting more, or this could be a stress response to being put in a previously stressful situation.

"*screaming* DESTROY EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!"

These glitches voice line translations are iffy, but if the other lines are to be believed then this may be what Mikoto was saying/going through his head when "he" committed the murder. The screaming makes it seem like he's not... himself. Mikoto could be suffering a breakdown of some kind, or a more agressive alter was responsible for the murder.

Any other theories I would love to hear! If I made and mistakes please correct me.

[naranjapetrificada]

20, 56, and 71? (I'm very curious about that last with your current project)

Thank you! I can always rely on you to indulge me when I want to play an ask game 🥰

It got a little long so I'm gonna put in a break to not ruin people's feeds.

Before the break though, if you want to play "get to know your fic writer" just pick your question(s) from this list!

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

There are a lot of possible answers to this one, but a few off the top of my head:

I can never resist a little alliteration.

It's something I always have to rein in a bit, but if I want to emphasize something I will regularly repeat myself. Not word for word, but restating it. I think this might be related to the way I speak IRL and the ADHD need to over-clarify. But it's a thing I've seen other writers do also!

I love an image, and literally require them to write the way the human brain requires oxygen. Every shorter piece I've posted was directly inspired by/is heavily dominated by a single image, to the point that I sometimes feel like it's the poetry part of my brain that writes anything under 2000 words.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

The nouns. People, places, and things, as in introducing a character, evoking a place and describing a thing. Until fairly recently, those were my writing raisons d'être tbh. An image would lead me to one or more of them, and I'd get lost in them, but my motivation would always peter out around the time I needed stuff to like, happen. Plot was always, always an afterthought (which is a big reason for the poetry part of my brain I mentioned in the previous answer).

71. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

Hoo boy. What a question. I've never committed to a longfic the way I have with FtF so I'm still figuring it out. When I was still figuring out which tropey longfic I wanted to work on in this fandom I actually started with a different one (a "Stede gets captured by Blackbeard before he has the chance to get gut-stabbed by the Spanish" thing), which is why you'll confusingly see FtF posts tagged with #baby's second longfic. But one thing working on that first one helped me with was figuring out I need to stay on top of it all.

The short version is "a doc for everything and everything in a doc."

I have like, a "beat sheet" for the big story beats and a big messy "brain dump" sort of document, so that I can note new things down without getting distracted by where they're supposed to go. The latter is also where the earliest writing takes place, and how I learn what shape something could take.

When things start to coalesce a bit, there's a new file for every chapter that I can see on the horizon (like for FtF I've gone as far as Chapter 6). Doing it any other way would be literally unworkable for me. Besides just like, limiting the scale of whatever I'm looking at at a given moment, it's also handy to be able to cut and paste things around when I need to change where something falls in the timeline. And because this fic is The Way That It Is, I also have separate documents for things like flashbacks and the academic blurbs, although I will copy the latter to their requisite chapter doc when I figure out where I want them.

While writing this reply, it's occurred to me that it might be a good idea to have a document just for things that have been set in stone, like dates and ages and locations etc. Just to keep my facts straight. That's kind of a big reason I've been posting chapters as soon as they're written instead of waiting till I had a backlog - I needed to get some things set in stone so I wouldn't be tempted/able to keep changing everything. The more concrete details I nail down the faster (read: not fast) this thing gets written.

This has been so much fun and super educational to think about all this stuff so thank you so, so much for asking ❤️❤️❤️

[rhodesmusic]

RHODES MUSIC: CUT & BAND-AID

C Major 11/4 and 4/4 90 bpm 9 instruments 1 (homemade) sample

In contrast to the last song I posted, there isn't nearly as much to talk about here musically, so I'll go over the interesting technical stuff first. The song is split into two sections, the first taking up a bit more than half. I wasn't planning to make the song structured into two parts, it just sort of came out that way, which makes it sound like I don't know anything about composing, which I don't. A lot of my songs feel like they just pop up in fl studio unprompted, because I don't really think that much when I'm making music, it's like I'm teleporting from point A to point B (when I really just went unconcious and sleepwalked the distance).

Anyway, the first section is set in 11/4, which is just rib-tickling, and it features a midi clarinet in the center of things playing a repeating chord pattern with a similarly repeditive melody, using tape delay effects, tons of ornaments in the upper and middle end, and sharp changes in octave to offer interest throughout the section. It's really, really unorganized, but I might as well try to describe it. The chords are, loosely, GM CM Am FM, but it's worth noting that the phrases largely start and end with the third in the bass, the third actually being the lowest note in the bass in the whole section. The note is so short-lived that it borders on being strictly percussive. The whole section has a percussive feel to it because I decided to completely cut off the tail end of the clarinet sound, i.e. putting the release at zero. This in tandem with the tape delay I just completely abuse constitudes a spontaneous yet rich sound, hypnotising almost. At different points in a section I incorporated a repeating 4-note pattern of dyads in order to develop the harmonic tone a bit more, but I largely avoided holding notes for too long outside of the melody. The only real actual percussion I use is with a snap sound I incorporate into the background a bit past halfway in the section. Thinking back, this was most probably inspired by the similar purcussion in Aphex Twin's "Stone in Focus", and I like how it provides just a little bit of anatomy to the otherwise wishy-washy tone; I find it pretty easy to just lose attention of all the shit going on and just swim around in the harmony.

The second section goes to 4/4, since there's no way I could play anything structured or at least more purposeful in fuckin' 11/4 (I'm not some Berkeley graduate that only drinks black coffee and tells people that Tame Impala is overrated). I went from clarinet to guitars, having the low and middle end being filled out distinctly instead of blending together like in the previous section, and switched the progression to FM CM Em, making the harmonic tone more pronounced and the overall tone more HELL YEAH LET'S GO, further emphasized with a pretty simple melody that repeats and a nice and heavy drum beat. The guitars are similarly percussive, like the clarinet in the first section. This better sense of structure allowed me to add in a little synth solo section, which turned out really nice I think. That's really all that goes on in this section. I wish I could convey my thoughts about the relationship and contrast between the first and second sections, but all I can say right now is that I think it's kind of nice. Again, I fail to be able to fully recall my thoughts when I was actually making this, which is why I've only analysed my musical decisions in retrospect, but I feel like taking a moment to think about what's going on in the song after I've made it is begrudgingly healthy for me as a composer in some way. Regardless, I kinda like how it turned out, and it marks my transition into making more tonal-centered music.

E SURE TO SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON AND SUBSCRIBE IF YOU LIKED THIS RHODES MUSIC, AND HIT THAT BELL IF YOU WANNA GET MORE AWESOME RHODES MUSICS IN THE FUTURE!!! 🤠🪲🐛🎵🎹

[ceapa-mica]

The Choices We Make | Chapter 2: The Disappearance

{cross-posted on ao3} {masterlist}

<- previous chapter next chapter ->

Pairing: Imperial!Crosshair x Tholothian!OC

Warnings: depressed!Crosshair, angst

Word count: 1898

a/n: Welcome back to Chapter 2! I think it's time for Crosshair and Zareena to actually meet. Let's see how that goes.

Crosshair stood under the shower, lost in his thoughts and memories. Another night of tossing, turning and nightmares was over, but even the warm water of the shower couldn't make him feel better. Probably due to the low water pressure that made him feel like he was standing in the rain on Kamino and not inside a 'fresher of the Imperial Army headquarters on Coruscant. Eventually he switched off the water and put a towel around his hips after drying himself off. He regretted looking in the mirror that morning. He was still all skin and bones, his cheeks had sunken in and there were dark shadows under his eyes. He didn't remember when he had last slept through the night. Before he left the fresher he put on his usual scowl and made his way to the mess hall to get breakfast.

While the food served at the mess hall had always looked unappetizing, Crosshair didn't feel like eating anymore as soon as he laid eyes on it. That feeling of emptiness in his chest felt like an empty void, and it got bigger with each day.

He saw the bigger picture. He wanted to be a part of it, bringing peace and order to the Galaxy, just like the Empire promised. But getting up every morning became harder and harder for him, in a non-physical sense he didn't fully understand.

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" a sweet female voice asked. Crosshair looked up and saw the Tholothian woman he had brought lunch to the day prior.

Crosshair raised his brow at her question and shrugged. For a second a smile lit up her face and she placed her tray next to his, sitting down on the seat opposite him.

The reason he didn't notice her coming to the mess hall was that the table with the mean clones was vacant this morning.

"I had hoped to find you here. Gilu told me about a strange looking clone coming down and carrying lunch. N-not that I think you're looking strange, that was just his words."

Crosshair rolled his eyes. She was talking too much. All he wanted to do was try to eat in silence. "Anyway, thank you for bringing me lunch. That kriffing droid didn't want to give me another portion."

"So I've noticed. And now forget about it!" Crosshair growled, wanting nothing more than to be left alone.

"Oh, I'm Zareena by the way, Zareena Kovas. Zaree please. And no other nicknames, got it?"

He looked up at her last words she had spoken in a harsher tone.

"I'm not a reg," She cocked her head at the term and he sighed. "Regular clone."

"Ohh okay, so you're a special one. What's your name?"

"CT-9904."

"Uh…I prefer calling clones by the names they have chosen for themselves instead of some number. Or don't you have a name?"

Crosshair had forgotten about his food and stared at her, frowning at her unfamiliar kindness.

"Crosshair." He was met with another smile and she repeated his name. This was the first time someone at the facility called him by his name, leaving a soft feeling inside his chest that was a hundred times better than this strange emptiness. His stomach rumbled and he gained a bit of appetite and finished his breakfast.

Zaree looked around nervously, something he noticed right away.

"They're not here." he assured her, earning a questioning look. "Those regs from that table over there."

"I don't give a fuck about them, no…it's something else…"

"Do clones make you uncomfortable?" Crosshair was used to nat borns disliking clones, he wouldn't be surprised if she was one of them too. But he remembered what she had mentioned just minutes prior about preferring to call them by their chosen names.

"Only those who are rude, but no, clones in general don't make me uncomfortable. Most of you guys are kind and respectful. I just don't know who to trust right now is all."

Crosshair couldn't care less about her problems, but listened regardless. She was clearly uncomfortable about something, the way she shoved her spoon through the tasteless porridge without eating was a clear sign of indecisiveness.

"I can't talk about it here, it's too risky. Do you…have time, later today perhaps?"

"I'm scheduled for target practice after breakfast."

"How about we meet here at lunch and afterwards go down to the maintenance room? There we can talk." she suggested. Crosshair put a toothpick between his lips and took in her worried expression. "Crosshair, please."

He rolled his eyes in annoyance, but agreed. "Fine, but it better be important."

She nodded. "Very important, I swear!" With these words she stood up and took both their empty trays. "Thank you, Crosshair. Seriously."

Why did Crosshair have a bad feeling about this? What was so secret that nobody should overhear? He had a feeling that she had gotten into serious trouble and wondered why he had agreed to listen to her in the first place.

During his target practice he thought about how good it had felt when she had called him by his name. 

Maybe having someone to talk to wouldn't be so bad.

Crosshair made up his mind. He and his old squad went separate ways now. While he preferred being alone, he knew having allies who weren't his subordinates might come in handy. Maybe having an ally or even a friend could make this emptiness in his chest go away. He had to be careful who he trusted, but he decided to give it a try. Another reason that spoke for it was that Zaree was no soldier but a civilian who happened to work at the facility, so the chance of her dying in battle was basically zero. The pros outweighed the cons. The worst thing that could happen was her turning out to be an insurgent, but from what he knew about her so far, she needed her job way too much to do something unwise. One thing was sure though, Zaree had to earn his trust.

Crosshair took a seat in the mess hall at noon, waiting for Zaree to meet him there. The more minutes passed the more Crosshair's mood worsened.

Unreliable. Great, just what I need. Not.

If Crosshair didn't like one thing it was unreliable people. Her not showing up made him want to reconsider. Then he remembered her behavior from earlier, how she seemed almost paranoid. An uneasy feeling spread in his gut. What if she was in serious trouble?

Then I should definitely stay away from her. I want nothing to do with it.

Crosshair felt torn. He couldn't afford any negative remarks in his record. He knew there were things he didn't know, knowledge that was above his clearance level.

Crosshair rubbed his temples and decided to take the elevator downstairs first thing after finishing lunch. He hoped it was something like a malfunctioning machine down there that needed repairs and nothing serious.

He didn't like the way the other workers, who weren't droids, looked at him on his way out of the elevator and down the stairs to the little maintenance room. He wore his helmet, but either way, he doubted anyone down here remembered him.

The door to the maintenance room was open and he heard a rustling sound coming from inside. He stood in the doorframe and saw a mess of flimsi, folders and tools all over the place - and Zareena knelt right in the middle of it, not yet aware of his presence.

"I assume this place does not usually look like this?" he said, taking off his helmet.

She flinched as he spoke and turned around abruptly, facing him. There was so much fear in her eyes, it made Crosshair uneasy. He was not good at comforting others, situations like that stressed him.

"Oh thank the Force, it's just you!" She let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding and gestured at her surroundings.

"After we had breakfast I came back to find this."

Crosshair cocked his head and crossed his arms, taking a few steps into the room, his enhanced eyesight looking for details and any trace of who could have done this. "Looks like someone has been searching for something… What is this about?"

Zaree went to close the door behind him and sat down in the office chair.

"It started about two weeks ago. My co-worker Lyle, his family is very poor. In case you don't know, the Republic paid families of low income a certain amount of credits per month. Lyle told me that since the Republic is gone, so is that monthly payment. His family is starving and according to him this is happening to all the families, his neighbors… Slicing had always been a hobby of his, longer than I've known him. He wanted to slice the Imperial database to find out where the payment went since there is no statement for the Empire regarding said money. All he was doing was looking for answers. He told me he was close to finding something and two days ago he didn't show up for his shift. I went to his quarters and commed his family. He is gone! And now this! I have a feeling he must have found something."

Crosshair had listened to her story, his frown had deepened with each sentence.

"Slicing into the Imperial database is a crime. He was probably arrested and is held accountable for his actions. Better stay out of it, or you will be next."

Zaree groaned. "I know his family, okay! They are six people. Six Mon Calamari who share one kriffing bedroom in a barely lit apartment, if you can even call it that! They're worried sick about him! Please Crosshair, help me find him! You're a special clone, you said so yourself. If they keep him imprisoned, can you find out where and…"

"And what?"

"Free him of course!"

"That would be a crime too! I'm not gonna risk my life to find some unlucky soul who got himself arrested."

"Is there nothing you could do that would not get you in trouble?"

"I will not get involved in this and you should neither."

Zaree scoffed and stood up, a dangerous twinkle in her azure eyes. "And here I thought all clones are brave. You know what, I don't need you for this! And if you tell anyone I'm involved there's hell to pay, got it? Now leave me alone!" She had pushed him out of the maintenance room with her words alone.

Zareena was definitely planning something. It would have been Crosshair's duty to report her, but he refrained from doing so. Deep down he hoped she would find what she was looking for and come out of this situation unscathed. But who was he kidding? It was only a matter of time until she would end up in jail. He put his helmet back on and left the basement levels, trying to push every memory of Zareena out of his mind. She was too trusting and naive. She just told a Clone Commander she was planning to steal confidential information from the Imperial database. She was more trouble than she was worth and he scrapped the idea of making a potential friend. No one could be trusted. He was on his own.

a/n: Crosshair definetely sucks at making friends lol. Will he and Zaree reconcile?

[sluntch]

My Health Journey - A Writing Experiment - Day 3

Welcome back gang. Today's post is gonna be a bit shorter and probably more stream of consciousness as it's later, I spent 3-7 AM in the emergency room, and I'm high. I'll most likely save the specifics and stuff for later entries in this "journal", or whatever I'm calling it, though some may slip in during the natural projection of what I'm about to ramble on about. Thanks for showing up again, should you have read the previous two entries, and thanks for showing up for the first time if you've not been to this toilet blog before. See what's up under the cut.

So last time, I detailed some of my holdover issues from college and into the specific diet that I chose to use during my time attempting to lose weight. As a reminder, it's the one that works for me - Caloric deficit. I simply eat fewer calories than I expend during a day and then I lose weight. What I've found through this eating style is that I very much like planning out the menus of food that I eat during the week and that I very much like tracking numbers and seeing data points related to things that I'm doing. In particular, watching my weight graph over the course of the year has been particularly gratifying. Planning my meals out also allowed me to get into a routine, something that I could repeat each day. Data, planning, and routine. These are three things that no one who knew me in my college and early professional life would ever associate with me as a person. I was a guy who wouldn't even make a list to go to the store. I would simply walk into Giant Eagle and improvise until my cart was full of some necessities for the week but also just a ton of junk and snacks and other nonsense that I didn't need. As a middle child and only son who wasn't as put-together (in my own personal views on myself) as his type-A, organized, and successful sisters, I kind of just fell into the role of the "slacker who makes it through on pure bullshit and vibes" and assumed that's where I'd be for my life. Turns out, most surprisingly to me, that I love being organized, I love having a schedule, and I love having routines. Learning how to bring this kind of structure into my life allowed me to balance my days so that I wasn't tempted to binge eat food and I was able to provide a much more concrete answer to the question that always stuck at the back of my mind but I never chose to answer seriously in the moment - Am I hungry or am I bored?

If I were to write a book about this, that'd probably be what it'd be called. Now that I'm thinking about it, that should most likely have been the title of this project. I may retroactively go back and change it. We'll see.

My daily schedule and routine eventually boiled down to a few things after I had tried out some different combinations. The target time is when I do the task and any other time is up for grabs and mostly revolved around when I would eat during the day so that I could have concrete points where I'd be eating.

6 AM (or thereabouts) - Wake up

7 AM - Workout

8 AM - Breakfast and medications

10 AM - Morning snack, should I be hungry for one (usually a piece of fruit or something)

12 PM - Lunch

3 PM - Afternoon snack (usually something salty or veggie)

6 PM - Dinner

7 PM - Evening tea and dessert

10 PM - Get ready for bed

With my days structured in this specific way, I could mete out times when I would eat and times were I would do other things, such as focusing more on my work or my hobbies, and daily tasks that would distract me from (over)eating. I have two snacking styles - grazing and bulk. When I graze, I walk through the kitchen and have a spoonful or handful of something that is within reach. When I bulk, I get a large portion (abnormally large like a full cereal bowl of goldfish) of something and just pound it. The latter has been mitigated a lot as of late by me making my own healthy snacks and measuring out portions ahead of time. Grazing is something that I still struggle with daily, It's just so easy to grab a spoonful of the burrito bowls I made for dinner last night and then I end up doing that like eight times. Might as well have just had a bowl of it at a certain point. I feel guilty and bad when I do this even though I know that, in the grand scheme, it doesn't really matter all that much but I still wish that I was able to have more self control. Though I suppose there's always something to work on, right?

Making my own snacks has been, I believe, the most significant thing I've done to help with the "snacking issue". I discovered that all I really wanted was the crunch - the satisfying crunch of a crunchy snack. So I started with making my own popcorn. It was delicious. I then moved onto veggie-based snacks. I would slice up peppers or cucumber and have a sauce like Cholula or Buffalo Sauce on them. They were delicious. Then I started getting sugar snap peas. They were delicious. They were lower calorie, I could eat them in larger quantities, and they were crunchy. It was the ultimate combo that I had been craving. I was now eating more fruit and veggies and eating three square healthy meals a day. The routines and the efforts were beginning to pay off considerably.

That's where I'm gonna cut it now because I want to go sit on the couch with my wife and V I B E so that's what I'm gonna do. Next time, I'm going to get into the numbers. For real. Specifically the numbers regarding my caloric intake/output per day, potentially some of the workouts that I chose to do build into my routine, and my brush with danger regarding the process that almost put a brick through the whole venture. Thanks for sticking through this if you have. You are appreciated and I hope you return.

63 days to go.

[whythewords]

Days 281 - 291: It's a love love/hate, love

Hello. Let me start this post with the customary mention of the time between posts. 10 days? Wow! The gap is closing. BUT WHY would that be the case?

Well, when last we left our hero he was about to venture out on his first date with someone aside from his former partner in almost 10 years. And...it went well. We had dinner, and we chatted and walked around town for a bit. She was easy to talk to, and funny and very cute.

But here's the fun part folks: that little voice in my head won't let me have nice things. Funny enough, I saw my therapist for the first time in months the very week I was going on this date, just days before. We excavated my worries for the future both distant and near, including this date and meeting new people in general. We were contending with the negative self-talk, the doom and gloom, assuming the worst...all things that I'm a reluctant expert in. So I took what I used in therapy and tried to apply it. I hyped myself up for the date, and things went well, but my brain would be up to it's old tricks again before the night was through. I felt the conversation beginning to lull. I panicked. "You're not keeping her interest. Say something! Think you idiot!" As I walked her to her car these intrusive thoughts persisted and I figured I had blown it. "Well folks, time to call it. It was fun while it lasted." But before departing she hit me with a "I would love to see you again." I agreed. Of COURSE I agreed. She's kind and smart and attractive and I want to follow this where it goes.

So crisis averted right, problems over?

Uh, remember what I said in the last post about getting too invested? I'm trying man, god fucking help me I'm trying to temper my expectations. We chatted more over the next few days after the date, but it seemed like we were chatting a bit less so naturally I panicked again. "Maybe she wouldn't actually love to see me again. Maybe she was just being nice. She's not really initiating these conversations either. Maybe I hang back for a bit and see if she messages me. Shit, it's almost the end of the day and nothing. I knew this was too good to be true. Should I say something? What do I do? Oh wait, here she is."

Ugh. I don't want to play these games. Is this what it was always like? Or is this because there was no previous rapport? Is the online dating thing fucking me up? What the fuck is dating even suppose to look like in our mid-30s? Maybe this is it. And maybe, JUST maybe (or certainly) I'm getting WAY too fucking deep with this. Here I was thinking before that this would be the time to explore the casual dating thing but I have, at the very least, learned something about myself in this process and that is that I COMMIT and I COMMIT HARD. I AM looking for THAT someone and not just A someone. So I guess I have to lean into that now and follow the all-important and oft-repeated advice for this situation and just be my fucking self.

I am the guy who likes to check in and say hello every once in a while. Maybe I stop worrying if that comes across as too needy. Maybe I stop assuming that this person will think a guy who is genuinely interested in her messaging her once a day to ask how she's doing is off-putting. Maybe remember that she's a single mom with two jobs and she might pretty fucking busy throughout the day. "Just be me and see where it goes" should be the only advice I'm following right now but, as predicted, I am a victim of my own brain.

We've already discussed our second date, just need to iron out some details. I am hoping we're over that initial nervous energy that comes with a first date and that the second one goes even better. And like I repeated incessantly in the last post, all I can really do is hope for the best and try to be ready in case things go south. It's all an experience right?

Oh lord.

What else? I don't know. Fucking mid-terms started. I crushed the first one today...but a couple of the other ones this week have me a little scared. I'll study my ass off with the best motivation there is: do well, and this could and should be the LAST fucking time you ever need to do stuff like this. Days away from the mid-way point. Gonna keep on trying to get ahead of the 8-ball so I only have to do any actual working/reading on the first couple of days of my reading week, and then I can just kick my feet up for the rest of it.

Stick to plan Joe. In ALL aspects of life, just stick to the god-damned plan.

[prismasaryn]

okay posting the disjointed tag2 thoughts since it's been about a month since release. I’m not used to making posts like this, sorry.

I understand the reasoning behind nerfing TAG1. Didn't agree with it at first, but I get that id wants to make it more accessible/fix pacing n balancing. As long as the master levels go crazy, it’s an acceptable trade off. Meathook platforming was fun - might be a pipe dream but I hope there’s a way to put it into master levels. A leetol disappointing that new enemies are reskins and reused assets from 2016 except for the cyber baron, and very disappointing the chaingunner failed his legacy. Art Direction and music were fantastic - loved the ambience of World Spear and Immora the most, and the end credits theme has been stuck in my head since I’ve heard it.

Not so sure I like Levy’s music replacing Mick’s menu theme - that kinda worries me. Hope this is just a one time thing and they don’t plan on replacing the rest of the soundtrack :x

I think Dooomguy getting shoved into the sarcophogus is a decent enough bookend for 2016. Woke up in it, now going back to sleep in it. The little detail of survivors worshiping Doomguy was pretty cute.

It’s that silly Davoth plot twist I just don’t understand - every time I think about it I have to wonder why. There's no backing or build up to it in the base campaign or TAG1 despite those two lining up mostly without issue, and it's frustrating that all the previous lore got thrown away seemingly just for the shock of pulling the rug out from under people. Best guess is somewhere someone decided they wanted to change the story to “Satan created God instead of the other way around and that’s why everything’s fucked”, but they should’ve planned for that in the beginning instead of trying to course-correct hard on what's supposed to be the conclusion of Eternal. (i found this post after drafting this and it probably explains my points better than I can :x)

Considering the voice that says no after Khan is killed has darklord in it's file name and the caption had it’s named changed only to get written off as a mistake/oversight/glitch around the time TAG2 was being teased (I think - I’ll admit I might not be remembering this right!), I don't think Davoth's story ever involved him being the penultimate creator god. And now there’s gonna be that stupid power scaling shit with introducing an all-powerful bad guy that made the previous all-powerful bad guy - which also isn’t backed by anything in the games (no, hugo’s word doesn’t count as in-game lore). Was it too much to have one dude around making sure they didn’t loose the plot?

Guess it doesn’t matter in the end since gameplay is king blahblahblah, but too bad the story had to wrap up like a fart in the wind.

[roll-da-credits]

Exhausted - Hange x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

Sometimes Hange just needs reminding that they're still human, a human who needs the basic necessities, and so much love.

!WARNING!

Spoilers for S4; takes place after Zeke is brought back and before the entire wine and Nicolo smashing it onto Falco debacle.

A/n: So before I start I just want to say that, I should post more fucking Attack on Titan, it's literally on my list of fandoms I write for but there isn't a single fanfic or headcanon or scenario on my page about it, and also I hope you guys enjoy this I know it's not my normal MHA or Haikyuu posts but unless I grow this blog bigger I'm planning on putting other fandoms in here too. Also, Hange uses they/them pronouns

🖤❤️🖤

“Hange san,” Your soft voice resonated through the dark room, on your hands carried a tray with warm soup, bread, and water. Hopeful that your workaholic lover would finally rest a bit and eat.

Hange looked back to the opened door, their stressed face softening a little bit seeing you walking in. “Y/n.” Their voice hoarse and scratchy, it was quite obvious they hadn’t been drinking at all since you came in last.

You walked over to them, smiling warmly feeling slight pity for the shape they were in. They looked completely worn out and exhausted, no doubt because of the stacks and stacks of work they had to go through since becoming Commander. Giving a soft peck on their forehead after putting down the tray of food, you walked through the closed window and slowly opened it.

Fortunately, it was close to dawn, so the sunlight streaming in wasn’t completely blinding in the dark room. “Sweetheart it's too bright.” Yet Hange still complained, rubbing their sleep-deprived eyes.

You huffed, feigning annoyance, only to walk back over to Hange and envelop them in a hug. They nestled themself closer to the crook of your neck, finding comfort in the familiar smell of you. “Shouldn’t you be resting right now?”

It was late workdays like these that made you truly worried about the health of your lover. No matter how much Hange disregards their basic human needs, they’re still human in the end. They need sleep, food, water, proper hygiene, and human interactions other than meetings.

“You know, these are the times I kinda miss Moblit the most.” You chuckled, trying to make light of the entire tense atmosphere, “Cause even Eren knows no matter how much I love you, I won’t have the goddamn patience to force you to shower. I don’t know how Levi or Moblit ever did it, to be honest.”

Henge let out a soft laugh, pulling away from the hug slightly to look at your eyes. “Moblit did it with a lot of alcohol, and I don’t know how the fuck Levi did it. I’m almost certain his disgusting blend of tea has some kind of alcohol in it.” Hange remarked.

From their voice, you can hear a hint of the playfulness they had once before. Before everything happened, before the burden of the title, ‘Commander’ was laid on them.

The both of you looked into each other’s eyes for a while, it was a silent comforting moment that was so rare to be experienced by the both of you. So rare in fact, that right now you couldn’t help but relish at the feeling.

That is before you quickly remembered the warm soup you brought over for Hange, “The soup’s going to get cold, better eat it now or I’ll eat it.”

For the first time in a very long time, Hange let out a hearty laugh, one that sounds exactly like how she used to sound before they found out about every secret the world outside the walls had to offer them.

“You’re starting to sound like Sasha.” Hange paused for a moment, you figured it was them trying to find the right words without sounding insensitive, “Did you get possessed by her dead spirit or something?”

Finally, Hange took bites of the soup you brought, it was probably their first meal in the day. “I wish. Maybe that way I can bring that poor cook some sort of solace.”

Hange seems to stop for a moment.

“Do you think this war is worth it?”

The question popped out of nowhere. Even though the two of you would talk about the state of Eldia quite frequently, there was an almost silent agreement not to talk about unsettling stuff when the two of you were together. Since it was rare to see each other outside of work activities, even rarer to find time together alone where the two of you can just relax.

But you realized this question had probably been weighing on your lover’s mind for quite some time, maybe that was why they swamped themselves with work all the time. Trying to forget how shitty this world was actually.

You tried not to think much about it and answered what came into your mind.

“There’s nothing else we can do about it.”

Hange simply nodded and continued eating the soup you brought in. Their face as always slightly hardened, the spark you saw years before almost completely gone now. The spark created from finding new discoveries about the titans and the sparks created from finding out new inventions from outside the walls brought in by Yelena.

It was sad to see it all completely disappear.

“That was the best meal I’ve ever had.”

You stopped blanking out for just a second and saw that Hange finished literally everything. Not a single speck of bread or a single drop of the soup nor the water was left. You grinned, they must’ve been starving if this is what they did with some shabby soup and stale bread from yesterday.

“Love, please sleep.”

You were literally ready to beg on your knees to Hange just so they’d rest a little bit. The eye bags underneath their eyes were getting darker and their eyes looked so ready to close and immediately sleep. To the point where you feel like even blinking would make Hange fall asleep.

Hange smiled at your request.

They realized they were being really terrible to both you and themselves. By them not taking care of their body and their mental health, they were also hurting you. The last thing Hange wants to do is hurt you, so they did what seemed the most natural to them.

They made themselves comfortable at a small couch near a bookshelf and motioned you to sit beside them. Which obviously you did.

Taking a book from the bookshelf beside the sofa, Hange cuddled closer to your figure and opened the book, fully intending to read it.

“I’ll stop working and read this book whilst cuddling with you ok?”

At this point, any kind of activity that wasn’t physical and work was enough rest for Hange so you begrudgingly agreed.

You followed Hange’s rapid reading speed across the pages, and slowly noticing they were getting slower. Of course, it was still 1 page per minute but they were repeating certain paragraphs or looking back to the previous pages for context.

Not long after, Hange stopped opening the next page. You snuck a glance beside you and saw the most precious thing you’d ever see in your entire life. Hange snuggled up against you, eyes underneath their glasses peacefully closed, softly snoring.

They looked so comfortable, so comfortable that you couldn’t resist but to lean to them and drift gently to sleep as well.

Not forgetting to give a small peck on her forehead, “Good night love.”

Completely not caring that it was probably nearing 5am at this point and the both of you would probably have to be awake by noon.

You tried pushing that thought away, focusing on the fact that finally, finally, finally, your lover has been working themselves to the brink of madness. Could finally rest.

🖤❤️🖤

[kiribaku-queen]

The Blood King and his Queen [7]

Pairing: Bakugou x reader

Romance, Angst, Drama

Word count: 2.4K

Summary:  From being a mere servant girl to marrying the scariest prince in existence, your world changed right before your eyes. Exchanging places with the princess, you knew, wasn’t going to be easy. But could you have found love on the way? Or was it never meant to be?

A/N: I hope you guys really enjoy this chapter because I think its my favorite chapter so far! FYI, if I don't update this series in a while, it'll be because I am working on an 18+ oneshot for a collab for Bakugou's birthday. So if that does happen, the regular uploads will happen after Bakugou's birthday. And let me tell you, its going to be S P I C Y~

But I can't express how surprised I am by all the love I'm receiving! I really wish I could respond to all your comments, but again, this is my side blog so I can't comment! If ya'll want to follow me on my main... please dont. LOL not to be mean or anything but I don't use my main at all and I don't post ever so there's no point in following me there :)

PLEASE ENJOY AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED TO THE TAG! JOIN THE FAMILY!

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Your heart physically dropped when he said that. You felt sick. Your palms were sweating and shaking. The air around you grew dense and you felt like you couldn’t breath. You couldn’t move for that matter.

Ruin?

What would he do to you if he found out that you weren’t really a princess? That you were a fake lying to him this whole time. It made you sick, just imaging every cruel thing he could do once he found out. But then you remembered, he wasn’t like all the rumors you heard. He was different. He was kind and understanding. He wouldn’t really ruin you if he found out, would he? You shook away the thought. The more you think about it, the more you were likely to get caught.

You were completely exhausted from all that labor you produced in a week’s time. Town after town, you were able to help his people even if it was just a little bit. But it sure depleted a lot of energy out of you. You don’t know if you’ve ever been this drained before in your entire life. It’s not like you had to do hard physical labor back at the palace. This experience was hard on you but also gave you insight on the prince and his kingdom.

Completely drained of your energy, you sat down on one of the tree trunks his soldiers brought for you at the camp not far away from the village you were at. The impoverished village didn’t have enough shelter as is, so you were left with no option but to set up your own shelter. It wasn’t a big deal to you anyway since that’s how you’ve been spending your nights so far.

All the soldiers had gathered around to take a breather for the night and drink away the stress. You weren’t a drinker, but enjoyed the atmosphere the soldiers created: fun and rowdy, like they didn’t give a care in the world. They were dancing on tables, clinking their drinks together, singing songs while hooking their arms around each other’s shoulders.

You laughed at the sight and stretched out your arms. How you wanted to continue the night away but your muscles were soar and aching. A physical exhaustion that you weren’t used to and didn’t want to get used to.

Bakugou was watching his crew from the door, arms crossed and enjoying his crew have fun. He was never the one to be center of attention, so he had his own fun from the back. He saw the way you extended your arms, faced wincing from how sore you were. Cute. It was your last night of volunteer work, why not end the night with something special?

You felt the Blood Prince’s breath sneak up behind your neck, sending chills down your spine.

“Tired?” he asks.

“Maybe just a little,” you admit. You look up at him and he’s giving you those soft yet piercing eyes. He goes to sit next to you and everything is just… peaceful. In that moment you felt content. You felt free. If this was how life was out of the palace, if this was more to life than just serving a spoiled princess, then you didn’t want to leave.

“I am impressed, princess,” Bakugou spoke. “This whole trip, you never, not once sat out. You helped the whole time. Are you sure you’re a princess?” he side eyed you.

“If I am not a princess, then what am I?” you asked back. (y/n), what are you doing? You could expose yourself and everything would be ruined! But for some reason, you wanted to be selfish. You wanted to know his reaction and how he would respond. Maybe you would give up your whole mission for him.

“An innocent and hardworking beauty that is not a princess. She is my future queen who will help me restore this kingdom.” He came closer to you, meaning every single word. Your eyes softened and you got emotional, almost to the point of tears. He’s smiling at you, but suddenly gets up. But gestures for you to take his hand. Of course you did.

“I want to show you something,” he says and leads you away from the crowd of people and into the woods.

You two were walking for a while, your hand in his the whole way. He hadn’t told you where he was leading you to but it had to be something special if he was dragging you to what seemed like all across the country to get to your destination.

“Your highness, are we almost there yet?” you asked, fatigue hitting you once again.

“Almost,” he responds, continuing to look ahead. You huffed and held on tight to his hand so you didn’t get lost or left behind. After a few more minutes of walking, you felt the air get hotter and thinner. Bakugou smiles in front of you, looking excited.

“We’re here,” he announces. He pulls back these huge leaves, revealing a natural hot spring. The water was clear enough that you could see right through it, steam rising from the water, and rocks surrounding it, creating this gorgeous, peaceful atmosphere. Your eyes lit up and a loud gasp escaped your lips.

“How did you find this place?” you asked, getting closer to the hot spring.

“You like it? None of my men know about this place,” he says.

“It’s beautiful!” you continue to gasp, feeling the water with your hands. The heat of the water made you giddy and you couldn’t wait to hop in.

“You deserve it,” Bakugou comes up to, whispering in your ear. His statement made you blush, but this time, you didn’t hide it. He smirks behind you and you heard something falling to the floor. You dare turn around to see Bakugou shirtless, discarding his clothes one by one. As if your face wasn’t hot enough, steam was coming out of your ears with embarrassment.

“What are you doing?” you freaked out, turning around immediately.

“Getting in,” he said in the most obvious tone of voice.

“Together?”

“You’ll be on one side and I’ll be on the other,” he points out a huge rock, separating the hot spring into two pools. That seems a little better, but the idea of soaking in a hot spring together with the prince was nerve wracking.

“Princess, you can enter first, if that makes you feel better,” he suggested. When you turn to look at him, he already had his back turn out of respect for you.

So you undress and enter the heated water, noticing that all your muscles relaxed and the aches started going away as soon as you hit the water. You lean the back of your head on the rock and allow yourself to fully relax and destress. You could hear water splashing from the other side of the rock, indicating that Bakugou had also entered the water. Humming in satisfaction. You grew deeper and deeper in the hot spring until your nose was sitting on top of the water.

“Princess, I realize that I don’t know your name,” Bakugou spoke. Your name? You stayed silent. Was it wise to use your own name or should you continue to play as the princess?

“(y/n).” you decided.

“(y/n),” Bakugou repeated, elongating your name as if he stopped saying it, it’d disappear from him forever. The way your name left his lips felt like butter to him. He couldn’t help himself from repeated your name over and over again in his mind. You giggled and looked over the rock, arms crossed and head resting over them.

“Your highness, allow me to scrub your back,” you offered. Bakugou waved his hand while shaking his head.

“Nonsense. You shall not attend to me. We’re here to relax,” he had to remind you. But you insisted.

“But I want to, Prince Bakugou,” you pouted, jutting out your bottom lip.

“The high and mighty princess wants to wash the blood Prince’s back?” he questions playfully. He glances back to see you resting on top of the rock, giving him your big doe eyes.

“If you insist,” he gave up. He turns his back again, making sure to give you the privacy you needed to be able to come over to his side. You make your way over to him, covering your breasts in case. When you got settled behind him, you started washing his back.

You expected Bakugou to have scars from his many battles he’s had, but you didn’t expect his back to be covered in decolored and deformed wounds. Unknowingly, your hands went up to caress each scar.

“Does that frighten you?” he asks.

“Not at all,” you tell him honestly. “I think it makes you very brave.”

A comfortable silence fell upon you. Only the sound of water running and insects in the background could be heard. That was until you felt poke your butt. The hairs on your body hiked and you screamed as loud as you could, rising from the water in panic.

“Princess!” Bakugou instinctively put protection mode on, shooting up from his place to see what the danger was. You immediately clung to him, Bakugou wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close. What Bakugou saw wasn’t an enemy but rather, a wild Japanese macaque monkey poking his head out of the water.

“Shoo!” Bakugou scared the monkey out of the water and back into the forest. Bakugou grunted and relaxed his shoulders. “Damn monkeys. I thought they only came out during the winter season. Are you okay, prin…cess,” he looked down at you only for you to look up at him with your exposed chest fully pressed against his chest. Now this could easily be the most embarrassing moment of your entire life. Your face heated up with embarrassment and you let out another scream, using all your force to slap him across the face. Bakugou wasn’t expecting such a reaction and it caught him off guard. You put for much force into the slap that Bakugou flew back and fell into the water. You ran out of the spring, covering up as fast as you could.

Bakugou had never been so flustered in his life. He was a blushing mess and now the image of your naked breasts on him could not escape his mind. He needed time to calm himself down and a certain friend from getting too excited.

When you both had returned back to the rest of the crew, everybody had been knocked out cold from the alcohol. Thank goodness, because they couldn’t see how awkward you two were at the moment. That night, you slept in the tent again while Bakugou camped outside.

But you couldn’t sleep. How could that situation happen to you, out of all people? You weren’t sure how much he saw of your naked body. Maybe he didn’t see anything at all. But you saw the expression on his face, he definitely saw something. You covered your chest and closed your eyes. To think that a man saw your body and it wasn’t even your wedding night.

You felt the wind enter your tent, the chill making you shiver. If it was cold inside the tent, it must be extra cold outside. Bakugou was sleeping outside. You bit your lip in confliction. You wanted him to be warm but that means you had to confront him. Ah, fuck it. You opened your tent and saw Bakugou resting on the grass with his cape wrapped around him. And it wasn’t doing a very good job because you could see him shivering. He couldn’t hide it no matter how hard he tried.

“Would you like to come inside?” you invite him in.

“It’s for you, princess,” he reminded you.

“I understand. But it’s too cold to be sleeping out here. Please. I insist,” you urged. He opens one eye and sighs.

“As you wish, princess,” Bakugou gave in. You scooted over to make room for the large man to sleep next to you. Bakugou made himself comfy but he was a tad too tall for the tent that he had to have his legs hanging out. The opening of the tent revealed the big, bright moon overhead.

“I’m sorry for hitting you,” you apologized. Bakugou just lets out a breath.

“It’s whatever. I didn’t see anything, by the way,” he reassures you. Embarrassed again, you unconsciously covered your chest.

“You sure?”

“Erased from my mind,” he says as he closes his eyes and moves his hands around his head, as if he was erasing his memory. You laugh at his antics, more comfortable with the mood that was created. Bakugou laughs with you and turns to you, meeting eyes. This is the nth time that his heart leapt when you stare at him with those innocent, childlike eyes. He clears his throat and all of a sudden, his ears got red.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” Bakugou professed. You blinked in confusion. You weren’t sure why he said that. Glancing up at the moon, you guess you could say that it was beautiful. It was a full moon, and shone brightly above your heads. You weren’t versed in the poetics so you couldn’t comprehend the message the Blood Prince was trying to get at you.

“The moon is especially beautiful tonight. But isn’t the moon beautiful every night?” you responded.

Bakugou looks are you in mortification. Fuck, did he just get rejected? His ears got hot and he covered his mouth with his hands.

“Yeah… yeah it is,” he agreed, embarrassed. He took a deep breath in and back out again to calm his beating heart. You look over at him to see him a little distressed. You softly smiled, another side you got to see of him. It was cute. You could feel your heartbeat starting to pick its pace up and that’s when you realized. Gathering up all the courage you could muster, you leaned over to kiss him on the cheek you slapped.

“Good night,” you quickly say, then turned over to face away from him. Bakugou stops everything in his tracks and is frozen. He couldn’t help but smile and fall asleep next to you.

The moment you made the decision to kiss him was when you knew that you wanted to be selfish. You wanted to become his queen and rule his kingdom together. You were going to forget your past life. You were going to forget this mission you were on. You were the princess now. That was his truth and you weren’t going to change it.

A/N: For those who don't know, the phrase "the moon is beautiful, isn't it" or 月が綺麗ですね is a more poetic way of saying "I love you" in olden Japanese. And then the response to that would be "I can die happy" or 死んでもいいわ. Just for reference.

As I said before, I absolutely love this chapter and I really really REALLY want to know your reactions and thoughts!

Spoiler: drama starts in the next chapter :)

If you'd like to be tagged, please let me know in the comments or DM me! and if you'd like to be tagged when my 18+ oneshot comes out, let me know too! I love you all!

Tagged: @superblyspeedydragon @melasnchz-things @animexholic @bkgwrites @sam-i-am-1025 @apexqueenie @katsukibabe @germfart3 @tspice283 @angie-1306 @bakugous-trauma @bakugousmrs @random-fandom-girl-24 @monetfatalia @triviajeongin @readingslumpfanfic @softredrobin @briefhoundpartynickel @bnhahegao

[softhxtch]

TITTLE: Just Be Here

SUMMARY: Reader just finished a case and her husband, Aaron Hotchner is always there to support her. 

PAIRING: female! reader x Aaron Hotchner

CHARACTERS: reader, Aaron Hotchner, Emily Prentiss and David Rossi (literally for a second), Allison (OC)

WARNINGS: child assault and abuse; mentions of misscariage, alcohol usage, body fluids (blood, urine, vomit), pornography.

WORD COUNT: 3,5K

A/N: am i back? i don’t know hahah, but it’s something, right? again in this story Jack doesn’t really exist, sorry. and again CAC - Crimes Against Children.

'Hey, sweetie. You're safe, okay? Nobody's gonna hurt you anymore.', you whispered taking little girl into your arms. She was sobbing quietly with tears falling down her pink cheeks. She was no more than three years old, still in her purple pajamas, that were dirty form all the body fluids person can imagine and also dirty room she was held in. 'You're safe, Allison. You're safe.', you kept repeating and little girl just held her hands around you even tighter.

You looked around the room and the whole sight was just horrible. No windows, barely any lights, cages, blood and urine all over the floor. Just an awful place to be in let alone to live for months. Even the smallest thought of what was going on before the whole team came in gave you shivers and blood started to boil inside you. The place was there for years at that point and no one knew about it. You were just looking at your teammates, taking the rest of the kids out of the building. Some were crying, some were screaming and some were just clinging to the agents hoping that they would never comeback. And they never will. You would make sure of that.

' Allison, we have to go.', you said quietly, trying not to scare her. But little girl just shook her head and tightened her arms around your neck. 'We have to go. You need to see a doctor. It's scary, I know, but I'm gonna be with you all the time, okay?'

It wasn't easy to convince Allison to come out of the building, but after some negotiations and conversations with you she agreed. You're holding her in your arms as close as possible, trying to avoid the blue and red lights that were blinding both of you in the dark night.

Hospitals were always the last place that you're wanted to be. If you were the it only meant that either someone from your team or family was injured or one of the victims from your case were in tragic condition.

To put it straight, hospitals were never a good sign.

But you couldn't go home, not just yet. You promised Allison, that you would be with her this whole time, so you were also there when she got a check up from the pediatrician. You were holding her hand, caressing the back of it from time to time just to reassure her that you're there. Sometimes your would just add how great she was doing and how strong it is.

'Home.', Allison whined as doctor was checking on one of her bruised legs. Few tears fell down her cheeks, which made your hear break. It was horrible to seeing anyone in that position, but especially a child.

'You're doing great, Allison. Just few more minutes, okay?', you said quietly, taking hair out of her forehead.

'I just need to check the other leg and then you can have a long nap, till morning. How does that sound?', doctor asked and written down something on her notepad.

'I think it's great! Do you, Sonnie?', you said with a happy voice, looking at a little girl. She just nodded, still pouting from her cry few seconds ago. 'I'll be right back.', you said when you heard familiar phone ring. Doctor nodded understanding, but Allison held your hand not wanting to let you go. ' Allison, I'll be back in few minutes. I just need to answer that call, okay? You will be able to see me through the glass. I'm not going anywhere and until then you'll stay with Doctor Ashley.', you explained.

She wasn't convinced at all. It took you few more minutes for to actually let go of your hand. You explained everything a least three times. Doctor eyed you few times, but you just tried to ignore her. After years of working with children you knew how long it sometimes takes to convince them. Especially the ones that have been seriously hurt. They just wanted someone to be with them through the whole process and you understood it one hundred percent.

You sent Allison a small smile, saying one more time, that you'll be back in few minutes. After that you left the room and took out phone, dialing number that called you before.

'Hi.', you heard deep, yet soft voice on the other side. You sighed and replied with the same thing. 'Long night?'

'Yeah and I can't even see the end of it.', you answered and heard your husband's laugh. 'It wasn't a joke.', you added, rolling your eyes.

'I know. But it's kind of ironic considering that the sun will be up in less than an hour.', Aaron said. You could hear him moving around the house. Walking from bathroom to bedroom, probably getting ready for work. 'How are the kids?'

'Fine, if you could say it after living in a basement for most of your life and posing for creepy middle aged men.', you answered, feeling the shivers on your arms. The images that you saw literally just came back. And you can expect they will be coming back more often, but this time in your nightmares.

'All alive?', Aaron asked. You could hear him doing something in the kitchen, which made you smile, still looking at Allison. You actually would do everything to be right now with him in that kitchen. Waiting for his famous muffins with bacon and eggs, like he would do whenever both of you had day off.

'Yes, all eight of them.', you nodded. 'You're heading to work now? It's a bit early, even for you.'

'Not yet.', he answered quickly. You could hear another chews from the other side, which actually made your stomach going louder. 'But yesterday I picked up from the post office that coffee table, that you ordered and I thought I would put it together.'

'You're gonna put a coffee table together? At-', you asked surprised, looking at the watch on your phone. '-4:38 in the morning? Are you okay?', you added with a laugh.

'What can I say? I'm just bored without you.', he answered. Right after that you heard a loud noise from the other side and a quiet curse from Aaron.

'You're okay?', you asked, furrowing you brows.

'Yes. I'm looking for the box with all the tools.', he replied. 'I think I'll ask Morgan about them. He'll know what I should use.'

'How about you leave it to me, huh? I'll do it, because we don't want another trip to ER. It'll be third time this year, they'll assume that I'm assaulting you.', you laughed, hearing just quick 'hey!' from your husband.

For the first time in hours you actually felt nice. You didn't had constant fear in your head about the case. You weren't even thinking about it, right now what you were thinking about was Aaron and that stupid coffee table. And he knew about it, that was the reason why he called. After you were in a car with Allison and two policemen, you texted him that the case was over and you're headed to the hospital with victims. Both of you always do it, just to reassure each other that the other person is fine. Aaron on top of that would always call you. He's a very light sleeper, even waking up when you stir in bed sometimes, so every vibrations of his phone wakes him up. No matter what the time is on the clock, he always calls you. He knows how much you love your job and how saving kids was your thing. You loved it, after few years in narcotics unit you know you found your place. But Aaron also knew that you get very into the cases and you involve yourself a lot and if the case goes wrong you blame yourself really hard. Especially being a unit chief, just like him. So he always tried to light the mood even just a little and talk about the day, whatever comes to his mind.

'You're staying in the hospital, right?', it almost wasn't a question. It wasn't anything new to be honest. A lot of the times you would comeback to the hospital with the victims and especially with this case. He knew it wouldn't be different. You were working on it for over a month and it was draining you.

'Don't think I have a choice.', you admitted, looking back at Allison who was also starring at you. The doctor stopped examination and was about to leave. 'One of the girls won't let me go.'

'Just be careful, okay? And take care. Don't forget to eat something.', he reminded, knowing the previous situations.

'I will.', you reassured him. 'I love you.'

'I love you too, sweetheart. Give me a call later in a day.', Aaron said and you agreed.

After you said your goodbyes, you put the phone in the pocket and went back to the room. Allison immediately opened her arms and you laughed coming closer.

'You're back!', she said loudly, which made you laugh even more. Doctor Ashley smiled at both of you and left the room.

'I said I will.', you reminded her, patting her head. You could clearly see the tiredness in her eyes and how hard she was trying not to fall asleep. 'I think it's good time for a sleep.', you proposed, but Jade just shook her head immediately, taking back. ' Allison, you need to sleep.'

'Not sleepy.', she answered quietly, putting knees closer to her chest. 'Don't want to sleep.'

'You've been awake for a long time, Sonnie. You need to rest. I do too. Everyone needs to sleep so they will have energy for the next day.', you explained, but she once again shook her head. 'I'll be there the whole time. Nothing's gonna happen to you. You're safe.'

'Seven minutes?', she asked, trying to stop the yaw. You nodded and observed how she put her head on the pillow, drifting away from the real world.

Aaron Hotchner looked at his watch for the tenth time in the last 8 minutes. He signed and went back to signing papers in front him.

It was a slow day. Most paper work days were slow, but this one was even slower. He just couldn't focus. His thoughts were everywhere but in that office. He was thinking about his wife and what she's about to at that moment, probably still at hospital with the little girl. It was literally breaking his heart when he was thinking about your job and side effects, but also about your personal issues.

Being married for almost six years and together over eight, was something he was very proud of. He loved you with his whole heart and couldn't see anyone but you. The whole team always loved to see when a woman would flirt with Aaron, because it was always so funny to see him nicely declining the actions. Aaron Hotchner was a strong man with a very intimidating vibe, his voice could literally break you into a meltdown and get when a woman would approach him his eyes would always look for you. He just couldn't see his world existing without you.

With that being said he also knows you very well. Whenever something was wrong, he could feel it. Just from the look in your eyes or movement. You almost didn't have to talk to have a conversation. He understood you without any words and so did you.

After long nights when there were only you two together, Aaron knew what you wanted. Be knew all your dreams and wishes. Where you would like to go for vacations or favourite cuisine. Things that he could control. He also knew about your dream job and family wishes. Things he couldn't control and everytime Aaron would think about this, his heart would break into thousand pieces. Because if he could he would give you everything that you wanted and to do that he would sacrifice anything he could.

Quiet sound of a clock, that was announcing noon, got Aaron out of his thoughts. He looked at the clock just to assure himself of the hour and pressed his lips into thin line. Then he just closed the files on the rest, took coat and walked out of the room. Aaron walked to his friend's office and knocked on the door. He opened them after quick 'come in'.

'Dave, I'm gonna be back in an hour.', Aaron said, looking at the older man working on his papers. He looked up with pen still between his fingers.

'Everything's okay?', Dave asked and got quick nod from Aaron. 'Y/N's at the hospital again?'

'Yeah, they finished the case few hours ago so I'm sure she hasn't ate anything since.', he explained. 'I'm just gonna bring her food and come back.'

'No problem. If anything happens, we'll call you.', David said, waving younger man off. Aaron just laughed and closed the door. Then he walked down the stairs, wanting to leave the office.

'Hey, Hotch! Are you going again to get some food?', Emily's voice stopped him from going further. He turned around to face not only her, but three other agents. 'You're going outside, right?'

'Yes, Emily.', he sighed. 'But I'm not going to the place you love to eat from.'

'I figured. But maybe you would want to do us a favor and go there? Since you're already going outside the office.', she explained and Derek started to come closer with JJ right behind him. 'Look, it's raining outside and it's pointless to have two wet agents in the office. We will pay for the gas and also your food, huh?'

'Just text me your order and I'll see what I can do.', Aaron said, rolling his eyes slightly. Then he turned around and started walking towards the elevators, still hearing voices of agents behind him, who were deciding on the order.

Pediatric floor of the hospital was as always busy. Kids running around, parents trying to keep up with them, crying children from everywhere you can imagine and on top of that walls with so many colours, that he thought that someone vomited on them. He had no problem of finding the room where you were. Of course with a help from nurses.

Aaron slowly opened the door from the hospital room. He was expecting for either you or the child to be asleep and he didn't want to wake anybody up. But the sight inside made just his heart to melt.

You were sitting on the couch with Allison sleeping in your arms. Her head was on your chest and arms were really tight around the back. Her moth were slightly open, just like yours. But you also had your head hung back and he was sure he'd hear your complaints about the neck pains for the next week.

Aaron slowly put the package with your favourite food and something tasty for children on the small table near the door. Then he took the blanket from the bed and put it over you and the little girl, knowing how cold you must be from laying down in one place for so long. After that he just put a light kiss on your forehead and with one last look he left the room.

Aaron got to the elevator and took out his phone, checking out one message from Emily.

If you are going to the place near the hospital and there's a girl with short red hair, then say that you would like to order for Agent Prentiss 😘

He furrowed his brows at the message and dialed her right away.

'Did I say something wrong?', she answered after one signal.

'How this girl supposed to know your order?', he asked, looking at the numbers of elevator going down.

'She'll know, trust me. I've been there many time.', Emily laughed and Aaron could practically see her smile through the phone.

'Whatever.', he sighed, hearing the ding from the elevator. 'Oh and Prentiss?', Aaron called and heard quick 'yeah' from the other side. 'Stop sending me emojis. It's highly unprofessional to do it to your boss and it's making me uncomfortable.', he ended, walking out of the hospital.

You could physically feel lighter closing the door to you home. Everything related to work you always tried to leave outside this house and treat this place like an escape. And it was a long few weeks, so you were nothing but happy and relieved that it's over.

The house was quiet and dark. You could only see dim light from the living room and just thinking about it made you smile. You took off your jacked and boots, leaving the bag at the usual place and started walking towards the light. As you saw Aaron sitting on the couch with his eyes closed, you smiled even wider. His feet were on the coffee table and he had a glass of whiskey in his hand.

You leaned on the door frame and with arms crossed on the chest, you observed him.

'I'm awake.', Aaron said with raspy voice. You knew that he was probably sitting here for a while already.

'I know.', you answered and started walking towards the cabinet with alcohols. 'Aaron Hotchner is at home before me. What's happening in this world? Did they closed the FBI building?', you joked while pouring wine into a glass and sitting next to him.

'Very funny.', he answered with a sarcasm. He put arms around your shoulders and kissed your temple.

'I actually am.', you said, taking a sip. 'But I'm glad you're here.'

'Anytime.', he hummed, placing one more kiss on your head.

'Except the time you're working.', you joked and he just rolled his eyes. 'Thank you for the dinner, by the way. Although I would get something to eat myself, you know?'

'Yeah, you would probably eat your first meal of the day right now. I know you, Y/N.', he said, caressing your arm. 'So, how's the girl?'

'Allison?', you asked, reminding yourself of her beautiful smile in your head. Aaron only nodded, taking a sip from his glass, telling you to continue. 'She's gonna be okay, I hope. But she went through a lot.'

'You got close to her.'

'Yeah.', you admitted. 'I know what you think, Aaron. I know that it's not a good thing, I Get close to those kids and then I come home and they're not there. I know how this looks like. But I swear I just want to help them.'

'I know. But also you need to realize, that when they'll go to foster care they won't have someone to look after them every minute they're there. That there's gonna be many more kids their age and the attention you're giving them right now won't be given to them anymore.', he finished, looking down at you.

'Maybe they don't have to go to foster care.', you whispered, hugging your husband closer.

'You want to adopt a child?', Aaron asked slowly getting to the conclusion and realizing something else. 'You wanna adopt Allison.'

'I do.', you admitted. 'But I won't do it.', you added, sitting straight. Aaron just gave you questioning look. 'They found her mother in Portland, she'll come and get her tomorrow. Ignoring the fact that she doesn't have any job, is living in a two bedroom apartment with four other roommates and all the money goes to the alcohol. Yeah, so Allison has a bright future ahead of her.'

'You never know.', he answered. You put head on his chest once again and laid there for few minutes in silence, trying to relax.

'So, you actually put that table together.', you said keeping the eyes in small brown table in front of you, with Aaron's feet on top.

'I thought you'll never notice.', he answered almost sounding hurt.

'Oh, I did. Just wanted to hold the suspension for a little while.', you smiled and kissed him on the lips. 'Derek did it, am I right?', you whispered, narrowing your eyes.

'No.', he answered simply.

'Liar.', you whispered again, kissing him one more time, but stopping after you hear his phone going off. 'Everything's okay?', you asked.

'Yeah, just Emily.' he answered, but started explaining seing your confused face. 'I gave Emily's number to one of the girls that she has crush on from the restaurant. And I guess she had a good evening.', he ended and showed you the text.

SSA aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner, you are truly THE  man 🥰🤭💗🍑

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Stay With Me (Pt. 02 of 09)

Pairing: Daryl Dixon X Reader

Word count: 2.4 K

Summary: Daryl found you surrounded by the dead, stuck in the backseat of a car. You were wishing for death to take you away for quite a while now, but, as you slid back and forth into consciousness, there was only one thing keeping you alive. Him, the man with blue, worried eyes and kind voice. Your beaten up body was ready to give up, too wounded and broken to keep going. But this man, who went out of his way to save your life is the only thing in the world holding you up. And, because of him, you feel something you haven't felt in a very long time: hope. Wherever he's taking you, you want to get there, and not only to be buried. For what it feels like the very first time, you want to live. He takes you back to Alexandria, but even there, the nightmares and the terror from all the torture and pain you've been through keeps creeping closer, and Daryl, your hero, is the only one who can keep that all away.

Warnings: Mentions and description (not graphic) of past abuse; post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); some violence at the end of the story (a little bit graphic, but not so much); blood.

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{The Walking Dead Masterlist}

I want to thank my awesome friend @jodiereedus22 , who helped me (and still does) a lot to get this story done. She's also a writer and she's amazing so please go check her work!!

×

Fear

As much as you're trying to stay alive, to live, if there's still a life worth living, you have to admit it's hard. It's harder than dying. Death doesn't hurt this much, you think. It's been only a couple of days since Daryl brought you here, and if it wasn't for him, and also Carol, you wouldn't be able to do more than stay in bed.

Your body will take long to heal, says Denise, who comes every day to check on your wounds. The talking soon started. You often overhear Carol in the hall, muttering about how you don't talk. About what happened before. They know your wounds were inflicted. It's quite obvious. But you do talk, just not to her. You have exchanged some words with Daryl, not much though.

Today, after Carol helped you take a bath, you pull the blankets up, over your shoulders. You would like to wear pants, but the wound on your left leg is too deep, Denise said, bone-deep. So she doesn't want anything covering it, not wanting you to move in your sleep and cause the fabric to pull and squeeze it. You don't complain though. This wound is the worst, you soon realized. It doesn't mean the rest is any better, but the leg... It kills you. The painkillers only work for a couple of hours, and you have to endure the pain until you can have the next dose.

It's a nightmare.

It's only worse when you try to sleep.

Whenever you close your eyes, the memories overcome you. Keeping your eyes open in the darkness isn't much better. That's when you realized you don't have to be asleep to have nightmares.

“(Y/N).” Daryl's voice gets your attention, and you roll to lay on your back. He comes in, looking down at you, worried. As usual. “Carol told me ya don't wanna to go outside.”

That again. “No.” You mumble. Carol wants you to get some sunlight, on the porch. But you rather be in here, away from people's eyes.

“Why?”

Breathing heavily, you push yourself up, biting your tongue when pain takes over. Moving backward, you release the air you were holding when your back reaches the headrest.

“Ya need it. To soak in some vitamin D.” He furrows his eyebrows in the end, and you wonder if he's just repeating Carol's words. “Nobody here will hurt ya. Trust me.”

“Would you stay with me?” Your voice still sounds weak for not using it. Looking at your hands, you wonder if you should even ask this of him.

“Wouldn't ya feel more comfortable with Carol?”

Slowly, you shake your head no. Carol has been very kind, but still... You can't bring yourself to feel safe around her. Not completely.

“You don't have to.” Despite the constant need to be around Daryl, to feel safe, you can't force him to be around you. It's not fair. Clenching your hands into fists, you close your eyes. The thought of leaving this room without Daryl makes your whole body shake, tremble. “You don't have to. But I'll stay here. I-if someone out there sees me they will–”

“Hey, hey.” You feel the mattress moving, eyes opening, terror creeping over at the feeling of someone near you. But when you find Daryl's blue eyes, your whole body slows down, and you have to fight back the urge to touch him.

“I'm sorry.” The words come out, but not the sound.

There's a battle inside you. Maybe your mind is way too wrecked, as far as your body, and it's struggling to take a grip on reality. The only thing you know is that you can't go outside without Daryl. He will protect you, keep you safe from anyone who tries to hurt you. And without him... You're an easy prey. You always have been.

“That's not it. I just... I don't get why ya want me around.”

You don't understand him, why he sounds so... Sad. Desolated, even. You haven't noticed until now, but looking further, you recognize something in his eyes. Something you're sure people can see in you too. Pain. Suffering. A past that almost killed you, not only physically.

“You're my hero.” Whispering, you tell him, wondering if you've been looking for too long into his eyes. “I... I know you'll keep me safe.”

“C'mon then.” He finally says after almost a minute of silence.

You're starting to move, pushing your right leg to the floor with a groan when Daryl gestures for you to stop before picking you up. He's careful with the blanket, keeping it around you. A moan escapes your lips when a sharp pull makes your leg burn.

“Ya ok?” Eyes closed tightly, you nod. “Sorry.” He mutters before he starts walking. You finally get a look at the house. The walls are a light pale blue, with not much for decoration. Downstairs, the living room feels cozy, with two couches and a fireplace.

“You got her out!” Carol exclaims, causing you to cling more onto Daryl, heart racing suddenly. “It's good to see you down here, (Y/N).” She gets in your sight when Daryl turns a bit, coming from the kitchen with a smile on her face.

“Gonna stay out there with her.”

“That's good.” She happily nods. “The sun will warm you up.”

You know you should say something. Or smile. Somehow respond to her kindness, but you just can't. You just rest your head on Daryl's shoulder, a hand tugging on the collar of his shirt.

“Alright, let's go.” You're relieved when he starts moving again. Until you're outside.

The sunlight casts a soft, golden light on the street, and a cold wind messes with your hair. This is beautiful, peaceful if you consider the world you live in. But your eyes start looking for any signs of people, anxiety building up as Daryl puts you down on a wooden chair. When he let's go of you, your hands immediately grab the edge of the chair, so hard the muscles of your arms burn.

“Hey.” He calls, kneeling in front of you. “Relax.” Daryl takes both your hands, removing it from the chair. “I'll be right here with ya.” He then stands up, stepping back to lean against the white wooden railing.

With your eyes locked on his, you rest your back on the chair, taking a deep breath. It's good to be out, and the sunlight falling on your face and neck feels nice. You can't remember the last time you enjoyed it, the last time you even had the chance to just sit in the sun. Opening the blanket, you allow the sun to illuminate the skin of your arms. But your eyes start following the bruises, purple and greenish, the grazes and the scratches...

“Daryl.” An unknown voice gets your attention and you turn your head at the source. A man climbs the steps, and you start breathing fast. His beard reminds you of one of them. The one who smiled as he sliced your skin. “Is this (Y/N)?” His eyes fall on you.

How does he know your name?

When he steps in the porch, you look at Daryl, reaching out your hand. It takes a while until he understands, until his hand touches yours. Through the corner of your eyes, you see the man coming closer, and you need to hide, to run away.

In a jolt of adrenaline, you pull yourself up, almost stumbling down, your body finding no other way but to collide against Daryl's chest. A groan leaves your lips as you lose your breath and hide your face. Both your hands grab his shirt, all your weight on the right leg.

“Hey, ‘s alright.” His chest vibrates as he speaks, but you don't move, you just want to disappear, to stay away from whoever this man is.

“I don't get it.” The man says, making you flinch, tears already rolling down.

When your leg gives upholding you up, you almost fall, but Daryl is quick to hold you up. “ ‘S alright. C'mon.” He takes you in his arms again, and you hide your face on the crook of his neck, eyes tightly shut, as if it would make you disappear.

Your body shakes when a sob comes, the image of that bearded man filling your mind. ‘You'll beg me to do this to you in no time. You'll learn to enjoy the blade slicing your pretty skin open.’ He said, laughing, giggling. He holds you down, his body making it impossible for you to move.

“(Y/N).” Daryl's voice brings you back, and you notice you're in bed again, still holding on to him. “Look at me. Hey.” His hand comes to your face, but you can't open your eyes. “Ya need to listen to me. Yer safe here, I promise.”

“No.” You mumble, forcing yourself to look at him, his face close to yours, foreheads almost touching. “H-he looks like that man. He... He...” A hand comes to your side, to the cuts under your breast. “I need you to stay with me.” It comes out as a cry, voice cracking, sobs out of control. If he let's go of you, you'll break down. “Please. Please.”

“Slow down.” You feel his arms around you, and you curl up against his chest. “ ‘M right here with ya. Calm down.”

His arms are the only place you're safe. The only place you won't be hurt again.

“Daryl. Rick wants to speak to you.” Carol says, her voice low and soft, fading in the end.

“Tell him to wait,” Daryl mutters, a hand caressing your hair.

“I'll get her some water.”

“Alright.” He answers, pulling away. “(Y/N), look at me.” Blinking a few times to push the tears away, you meet his eyes. They look like the sky during summer, or like the ocean, steady and calm. “That was Rick. A friend of mine. He's been with us since the beginning, he would never hurt ya.”

“I... I...” Stuttering, you try to catch your breath. You don't know what to say, you just need to stay away from anyone who isn't Daryl. “Don't let him come here.”

“I won't. But I need ta’ see what he wants.” You immediately shake your head no, not wanting to be left alone. “I'll be right there.” He gestures at the door. “I'll be right there in the hall and then I'll come back ta’ stay with ya, 's that alright?”

No, it's not. “Ok.” You tell him, not hearing your own voice.

The cold creeps over your skin the moment he let go of you, so you pull the blankets closer, eyes on his back, on the wings... Until they disappear. Carol comes soon after with a glass of water, sitting on the bed and handing it over to you.

“Drink, (Y/N).” She urgers and you do as she says, hands shaking as you take a sip.

Daryl's low voice reaches you, along with another voice, from that man. Rick. He said he's name is Rick. You never learned the name of the one who cut you, they never allowed you to know anything about them. It was part of the torture, probably.

“She needs to be introduced to the group. They need to know who she is. Who she was before, you know that.” The man says, his voice coming from the hall outside the bedroom.

“She's wounded. Ya don't know how much.”

“I get it, but we take no exceptions. We can't. She's been here for days.”

“(Y/N) doesn't even talk yet.” Daryl raises his voice a little, annoyed. Your eyes are on the open door, waiting for him to return. “Something happened to her. People hurt her.”

“She speaks to you, doesn't she? I heard her–”

“She's not ready yet!” His thunder voice makes you shake a little, and you exchange a glance with Carol.

She gets up, moving to the door. “Could you take this downstairs?” She asks them, stepping back in and closing the door.

You start moving backward, a groan of pain escaping when your sore muscles complain. You wait for it, the noise of the door closing once again, soaking out the light, the click of the locks that imprison you in complete darkness. The cold that hovers over as you wait for the next day. The next one. The next torture.

“Don't.” Daryl's voice cuts in, a force of itself, pulling you away from the memory, back to reality. Daryl holds the door before it closes. “Keep it open.” You don't know how exactly he knows it, but you're happy he does.

Carol nods, returning to sit on the bed. “You two have something going on that I don't know about.” She mumbles, and you look down at your hands.

“She needs time and she'll have it. If Deanna wants to throw her out, tell her I'm out too.” Walking fast, he's soon back in the bedroom, gesturing for Rick to leave. Daryl's angry. You've never seen him angry. “Carol get out.” He mutters, not bothering with her eye roll. He stands beside the bed, and you reach for his hand.

“I'll talk to Rick. Put some sense into his head.”

He doesn't answer, sinking down on the mattress in front of you. His expression softens when you look into his eyes, the anger from seconds before vanishing. “Ya need to talk.” He begins, keeping his voice low. “Ya need to tell me what happened to ya. Who did this to ya.”

Blinking a few times to push the tears away, you look at your hands, clenching them into fists.

“If ya tell me, I will tell the group. Ya won't have to ever say it again.”

The last thing you want is to revisit all that happened. Your mind already does that, a lot, bringing you back to the place where you learned what real fear is. What pain and suffering are. The place where your worst nightmares had to flee. They were nothing compared to what happened there. And speaking of it is far worse. It brings it back to life all over again, make it happen all over again...

But it's better to tell Daryl then than to anyone else. This Rick or this group Daryl talks about. No, that you couldn't. If you tell Daryl, he'll understand. He'll keep you safe, keep you from ever going back there.

“Alright.” You mutter, taking a deep breath, feeling as your ribs ache when the air fills your lungs. Bracing yourself, you start.

×

@funeral-7 @heyyy-hey-babyyy @twdeadfanfic @soraitmnt @winchester-angel @bvbwestfall @shawtygonemad

[syn4k]

18

OKAY LETS GO WITH THE FINALE OF TWICE BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE ASKING ABOUT IT!

putting this under a cut because 1. long post 2. spoilers obviously and 3. major character death baybe

SO I'M READING BACK THROUGH THIS A FEW WEEKS AFTER WRITING IT AND DAMN.

a few things: this was the scene that we had in mind when we started this. all those thirty thousand words were just to give context to this one fucking fight scene and we didn't even let ourself think about the details until we got to it in order to keep the excitement alive

This bit is very important for a few reasons. One, Exy is finally getting out what they really thought at the end. They knew it was the end. They kind of knew ever since the exile that there was one way this could go, the only way they knew how to take. They took this car, and drove it full throttle off of a cliff. Even after 600 years, they'd only tell all of this to X's face if they knew there'd be no repercussions.

King of nothing, huh? That one was a half-truth. X actually had a lot going for him in the Hollows. Exy was the exiled one, the detested. They were the one who were the king of nothing. (This line is actually repeated way back in.. chapter four? Chapter five? It's there, when they come to in the Nether. Foreshadowing!)

X has a very strong moral compass, which always led him towards showing grace towards his enemy. He'd respect the dead, even if he'd hated them in life. And he did. Every midwinter, on the longest night of the year, he'd go and give a silent vigil for the moral lives that had piled up over the centuries. Respect.

"Somehow never got mad-" he's the fucking God of Patience. That's one of his jobs, bro. ("I was the only one who could ever get under your skin"- Exy drops this line a little later. They're the Deity of Impatience. They are aware of this.)

"For all your muscle, you were always weak." This one is also somewhat a half-truth, but to Exy, they were just speaking what they saw. To them, their brother was always too nice, only resorting to violence at the last. To them, he'd get so much more done so much more quickly if he just went for the throat. To them, X had no backbone.

As for the "Traitor" line- X was just defending his country, right? Wrong. He was stuck between an impossible choice- kill his brother, who he really did care for, or save his country. It's the trolley problem all over again. That's what finally got him to snap, because he is loyal above all else. But he could not win this fight. No matter what he did, he'd betray what he loved. And that's what got him, in the end. That's what pushed him over.

To add extra weight to this, he never swears. Ever. When else does he swear in the fic? That's right, NEVER!

Reiterating previous points here, plus- yeah, they had a death wish. They'd only been living in the Hollows for six years, but it had been the only way of life they'd ever known. They were thrown headfirst into a world that they knew to be cruel and bitter, so they decided to go all-out and become cruel and bitter with it. All of that anger, though, was directed at themself the whole time- they did not see themself as worthy of love, or honor, or anything their brother had. He was right, and they were wrong.

They'd decided, eventually, that if he agreed to killing them, then they had the right idea all along.

X didn't realize just what that action had done, years ago. He didn't know how it had spiraled up until now. When Exy basically all but admitted to suicide attempts, he realized that right then and there. He wanted to help, but he'd already made up his mind. Loyalty to his country, even if it hurt.

"You're the one who brought me into this world, and I get the feeling that you were the only one who could take me out of it."

They'd tried to die so many times. They'd been killed by players, mobs, even themself, but that hadn't worked. Earlier in the fic, immediately after exile, they'd considered asking X upfront to kill them, but shoved it aside almost instantly.

See, Exy had basically stolen half of X's life force when they spawned in. They were a bastard child of the universe, a cosmic mistake (at least they thought), they weren't even supposed to be here in the first place. To them, X was the only one who could break that tether.

Fun fact: X had to have willingly wanted them to die permanently while knowing that they could actually respawn after he killed them to permanently kill them.

Funner fact: He still loved them, and his heart wasn't in the deed, but by this point it was too late.

"You want to solve this? You want me to do a favor?"

"Anything but this."

Exy was convinced that he was going to do them a favor by killing them. They were in too much pain by this point to think otherwise. X didn't think the same.

They were too far in at this point to take things otherwise, though, so they grabbed his sword and aimed it themself. Think about that again. They Grabbed. His. Fucking. Sword. AND AIMED IT AT THEIR OWN CHEST.

"You want to show me you still have mercy somewhere? Then fucking kill me."

Read above: they thought they would be done a mercy by dying.

"See you in hell, then," he said, and the sword went down.

Does that sound familiar? I bet it does! It's the last thing Exy said before they left the Hollows on the night their house caught on fire! X remembers this, and acknowledges it by repeating it back. He knows he's fucked up big time by doing this, as did Exy at the time. But like Exy, he sees no other way out.

And the sword hits its mark, right in Exy's collarbone.

Before we go to the next part, though, let me tell you that in between that part and the next, in the span of a few seconds, X sunk to the floor slowly. No sounds. He lifted his head for a bit to look at Exy, who was staring right at him. They died with their eyes wide open.

This is the image that we had in our head from the very beginning- X kneeling over Exy, sword in their chest. We tried our best to describe it exactly as it looked in our head- a scene straight out of a tragedy, which this CERTAINLY is.

X held onto that sword with all he had, because he knew that if he let go he wouldn't be able to keep himself up.

"Stillness," we wrote once, "is the quiet desolation of someone who does not move to etch a solid grounding point in a world that has gone on without them." That seems relevant here.

And yes, he is crying. The thing with X is, he is a very strong, stoic man who basically never lets anything get to him. Whatever happens, happens. And now, he's unravelling. He is at the point where he has gone past what he knows, and he doesn't know what to do past this point.

Used his full name there to remind the reader what he was, what he'd come from.

Exy would have broken loudly. But they were pinned to the floor, and all out of juice, and besides, sometimes silence speaks louder. So, they opted for silence.

X was willing to take all the punishment he can get for what he'd done, because he felt like he deserved it. He had so many regrets. I feel like this whole section can be summed up with the line "I never got to tell them I was sorry."

"...or that they were more that they thought of, or that they won."

Exy won in the end, by their definition and X's. Too bad they weren't around to see it.

--

A few other things:

I tried to put in timestamps here to string out the pacing a bit! Turns out, it worked. Really well. That shit worked.

We put in as many references to previous chapters as we could in this one, to hit the foreshadowing home. You knew this was coming all along, as did the characters, as did we, the author.

i still for the life of me will never understand how we finished this 40k word fic while dealing with everything in the world ever. we will never make anything like this again and i am resigned to that fact

god this got long hope you enjoyed it!