#the only social factor at play is whether or not your society wants to kill you for being different

[peoplegettingreallymadatfurries]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

I'm a furry blog, not a queer epistemologist.

[bigskydreaming]

If you were editor of Nightwing's book ever since at least the start of Rebirth to today and you were given free reign, what would your story mandates?

Oh no, this is dangerous. LOL. Hmm, I have no idea what to shoot for here, so I'll try to keep it to ten. That's reasonable right? Ten is good. Yeah. Is fine.

Okay, so, in no particular order:

1) Let Dick be competent 101. None of this him having to play hype man for every other character to pop up in HIS title bullshit. Nope. That's not what they're there for. He's the lead man, LET HIM BE THE LEADING MAN. Like sure, everyone has their areas of expertise, he doesn't need or have to be the best at everything, blah blah blah.....but its about the nuance. All of that is kinda lip service because the thing is, you don't go into MOST comic books and NEED to be reminded of that because the lead characters of those books are all constantly getting saved or shown up or chastised by every guest star in their books, you know? This is a very weird, very niche phenomenon very specific to Dick's character, and I'm super over it. I'm here to read about the guy who has literally been doing this longer than most superheroes twice his age. The guy who's been doing this since before he hit double digits. The born acrobat. The destined ultimate warrior or whatever of Gotham's Ornithological Society Of Murder and Pretentiousness. Gimme that guy. And that guy doesn't need to be 'humbled' every other page, because the thing is, he's not some egomaniac to begin with so the everpresent need to humble him doesn't actually come off as humbling! It just comes off as pandering and not even to actual fans of the actual character, so its like.....wyd DC.

2) Let other people take responsibility for their own crap with Dick rather than always just expecting a mea culpa from him. I'm so unbelievably tired of the words I'm sorry from Dick. I love personal accountability, so I never thought I'd have to say this about a character, but enoooooough. They have made it completely in character for this dude to apologize to everyone ELSE for being brainwashed, getting amnesia, being KILLED, like.....the amount of things he's groveled for forgiveness for when he didn't actually do a damn thing wrong or worse yet, was the ACTUAL victim of is like....pretty damn staggering. And meanwhile, there's nary a peep of apology from the people who regularly insult or belittle him, get physically violent with him, take advantage of him or take him for granted, etc, etc, etc. Its entirely too one-sided and imbalanced, and the pendulum needs to swing the other direction, like YESTERDAY, and in a fairly big way, IMO.

3) None of this Baby's First Social Justice Awakening 101 crap. I'm sorry, but no. Especially not when you go out of your way to acknowledge that Dick is Romani, only to then turn around and act like he's only JUST had his eyes opened to an awareness of like, classism and poverty and the real struggles people face day to day? Sorry not sorry, but especially for other white writers out there, do not use people of color as self-inserts for dipping a toe into Learning To See Past Privilege. And especially when talking about a character who has a history of being actively abused and hurt by the system and institutions of power, or hell, even leaving out that particular origin story, who has still been out on the streets helping people since he was a literal child. You can not tell me that this is his first face to face experience with social issues, or the first time he's had the inclination to try and address those head on. (And its also particularly egregious that the people second-guessing Dick in his own title and giving him reality checks or acting like they have more of an awareness of all this than he does like, happen to all be white? OPTICS. LEARN ABOUT THEM. COMMON SENSE. GET SOME.)

Know what would actually be a better way to approach this? Flashbacks. Show us Dick running into situations that make him think back to a case when he was still Robin, when he and Batman had started fighting over their approaches to things, actually SHOW us those conflicts and how their viewpoints had started diverging, and how much of that was due to Dick not having the same experiences as Bruce, or the same standing in society, no matter what house he lived in. THEN you can jump BACK to the present, with the reminder/awareness that this is something that isn't NEWS to Dick, but that he in the past felt he was forced to make his peace with as something he wasn't in a position to do that much about....only NOW, he's in a very DIFFERENT position, and suddenly it just hits him how he's still acting like he did when he was limited in resources or in having to be part of a chain in command or having to factor other responsibilities into things....now he ACTUALLY has the power and the resources to make meaningful change in the ways he ALWAYS wanted to, but maybe just needed time to figure out HOW.

Like you know what would have made Shawn Tsang's story arc so much better? If Dick didn't just remember her as the Pigeon's one time teenage sidekick he'd briefly fought as a kid, but like.....if he remembered her as someone he and Bruce had FOUGHT about. Because he didn't agree with sending someone to juvie for defacing public property as a form of political protest, when it was someone's LIFE who was going to be irrevocably damaged by that while the damage to the city could be fixed with a check, and what made Dick any more deserving of Bruce's leniency and faith in his potential or underlying goodness than Shawn?

But he was still a kid himself back then, and when Bruce responded with his usual conviction, talking about the importance about rule of law and etc etc, Dick just didn't have the words to get through to him then, to get him to understand that this wasn't just Dick not getting it because he was too young, it was BRUCE not getting it, that Dick was literally just saying well he wasn't too young to have been in juvie himself, and of the two of them, he's the one who has experience there so why was Bruce's opinion on whether this was the punishment that fit the crime the one that got to hold more weight here? When Dick's the one who knows what that punishment actually LOOKS like beyond the abstract, for whom it was a reality that still haunts him in ways that even defacing a few statues of some rich old fucks doesn't deserve?

Or hell, go back FURTHER than when he was Robin. Idk where any of those posts are, but I've always wanted to see something where Dick maybe runs into someone he remembers from his time in juvie, maybe a guard who is like, the source of the reasons Dick mistrusts figures of authority and is so hung up on independence and not being under anyone's thumb, or maybe someone who was in there with him, another kid who looked out for him when he didn't have to, etc. Gimme Dick tackling head-on his firsthand awareness that there's no rehabilitation to be found in a jail for kids, when most of those kids don't even need rehabilitation in the first place and only did what they did in order to survive or escape from worse situations or like, were there purely because of racist cops, etc. Let him go after THAT system, driven by personal experiences and memories that maybe only hit him in full after recovering his memories from the Ric Grayson arc, like they're things that he put in a box in his mind a long, long time ago because he didn't have the spoons or reserves to deal with them when he was a kid still so traumatized in so many ways, like, something had to give and so he put all those memories away for another day and just....never got back to them because life kept hitting him with new and fresh trauma every week.

But now something has him thinking back to those early days in Gotham, and reminding him that not everyone had a Bruce Wayne willing and able to give them an out from that place or acrobatic skills to escape it on their own, and like. You want to do something about the cycles of violence in Gotham and Bludhaven? Why not start with the places that literally MANUFACTURE cruelty on an institutional level, that teach kids that no matter what they did to get put there, even if that was nothing at all, they're all going to be treated the same way and given no reason NOT to do whatever it took to be top dog in a dog eat dog world by the time they got out.

There's SO many better approaches to social awareness in the Batbooks than what we're seeing, and like. Sheesh. The bar is way too low.

4) On a related note, if I'm editor of the Nightwing book, the FIRST thing I'm doing is making it a priority to find a writer of color for that book, ideally someone of Rom descent. Its waaaaay past time to let a Romani writer take the reins on Dick, Wanda, Pietro or Doom, aka some of the only prominent Romani characters out there? You can't tell me that there aren't talented writers who identify as Roma who would be more than willing to add their perspective to Dick's archive of narratives, and if an editor's gotta go looking for them? Go fucking look. DC and its fans have milked a lot of mileage out of the idea of Dick being Romani with very little in the way of nuanced storytelling to show for it in the past twenty years, and if DC wants to trot out little reminders that Dick is Romani every couple years, like in the form of a freaking line that has no follow up or expansion to any degree and is offset by an internal monologue that otherwise reads as incredibly privileged, the least they can do is TRY to expand on that with the narrative perspective of someone they claim to be representing via that character.

And no, this isn't gatekeeping, this is prioritizing. Its not about preventing other writers from writing this character, like just for the hell of it, its about being proactive about finding a writer who can write specific aspects of this character that have long gone unaddressed or poorly represented. And like. Okay. Its not easy breaking into the comics industry for anyone, but its particularly not easy for marginalized writers. Most every major comic book company just recites 'make your own stuff first and then show us that' but when you're a writer specifically, finding a compatible artist to partner with on creator-owned indie stuff first, when those artists are in the same position as you are and apologetically and understandably tend to have to take paying work over yours if you can't pay except on the back end, like....there are a lot of hurdles to getting your start in comic books, and while there are more and more marginalized writers in comics these days, DC and Marvel kinda fucked up, because you know what?

After being told 'make your own first, then we'll talk,' writers DID do just that....but then found out that well, due to the ease of online distribution and access these days, for any writers who CAN find an artist to partner with, its a hell of a lot easier to get their content out there these days WITHOUT a major publisher behind them.....and for a lot of marginalized writers in particular, its worth it to keep full creative control in exchange for smaller circulation. Especially when they don't have to deal with editors 'softening' their work to make it more palatable for audiences that quite frankly aren't necessarily their primary target. So yeah, marginalized voices are becoming more and more present in comics, but Marvel and DC for the most part are keeping the same voices centered they always have, and what these voices have to say is becoming less and less relevant and outdated. Because much like this arc from Taylor, even when they DO dip their toes into story matter that's of interest to wider audiences, they're doing so to a degree that still puts them years behind the conversations everyone else is having.

5) The same holds true of disability representation. I stopped reading Taylor's run for a lot of reasons but his way of responding to people unhappy with his depiction of Babs was a key one. If I'm editor on a book, and someone tweets at one of my writers that their depiction of a disabled character was hurtful because it feels like they're doubling back on everything Babs has ever said about not being defined by or ashamed of her disability and now its being treated like a dirty little secret, and that writer's response is essentially to just laugh at them and say there's nothing wrong or ableist about their writing of a disabled person, TO a concerned disabled person? That writer's ass is getting fired. Full stop.

Either you give a shit about this stuff or you don't. Don't pay your readers lip service about how important social issues are to you and how much you care about using superhero narratives to inspire people on these matters if you're gonna turn around and show your ass the second you don't feel comfortable and prioritized by the conversation, like it wouldn't exist without your oh so valuable contributions. ESPECIALLY if you don't identify as sharing the same identity of the marginalized character you're writing. You are a guest in someone else's lived experiences at that point, and you think you've got the right to belittle and talk down to the people who LIVE THERE? Fuck off, my dude.

6) Re-center Dick as someone who the superhero community RESPECTS. I love seeing Dick depicted as someone who has an awareness of his own limitations and an appreciation for what others bring to the table, and so I'm not opposed to him calling on others when he needs to.....but I also would like to see more of the opposite. But not in the way we usually see it these days, where he's asked to come help with a crisis and then usually second-guessed the whole way, and then sent back home without so much as a thank you when its done. Yawn. Sorry. I've read that story by now.

You know what story arc I freaking LOVED as a kid, back in the 90s? In Green Lantern, when Kyle Rayner first became the sole GL, one of his very early arcs, before he ever joined the JLA or anything....was him realizing how little he knew about being a superhero. He was like, my predecessors all had a full fledged CORPS to teach them everything they needed to know, but I had a few lines of exposition from a funny little blue guy in a red pillowcase and then I was off to the races. That's not good enough. There's so much I don't know about being a hero, I don't even KNOW what I still need to know.

So he went on kinda a superhero training roadtrip. He went to Metropolis to ask Superman for advice, he went to Batman to learn from Batman and Robin (Tim at the time). He went to Wonder Woman, Sentinel (Alan Scott, the first Green Lantern), etc, etc. And in the end, Kyle very much became his own kind of hero who wasn't just a pastiche of all those other heroes and the advice they gave him, but like....this put him on the road to that.

And I'd love to see something like that happen in Dick's solo title. We've seen him train in a team setting, we've seen him train the other Robins.....I'd love to see like, young superheroes from OTHER books, not ones created by the title, but like names people actually recognize from other franchises, like, guest star in Nightwing's book to learn from HIM, specifically. I wanna see something where Wally looks at the latest speedster and is like, you know what, if you really wanna be the best hero you can possibly be, then Nightwing's who you gotta go to, because there's no one I trust to make a better hero out of someone than him. I want the newest kid on the JLA block to worry that people aren't taking him seriously because of his age or experience, and he's always hearing them talk about Nightwing and how young he was when he started and so if anyone knows something about how to gain the respect of your older superhero peers, that's the guy to talk to.

Gimme Dick's couch being crashed on at various times by a half dozen new or upcoming young superheroes who all heard or figured out that if they really want to up their superhero game, Nightwing's the guy to see.

7) Bring back Bea. There's no long paragraph expansion on this, its really simply. Bring back Bea. She was one of the freshest breaths of air in Dick's supporting cast in ages, most of the current run is based off her character direction in the first place, she's literally the best suited TO help Dick in this venture, and the reasons they gave for writing her out of Dick's life were all bullshit and they just wanted to focus on his previous relationships, which would be fine if they didn't fall into the same two endless cycles of bring back up, go nowhere with, awkwardly avoid each other for years, rinse and repeat. Like. Bring back Bea, please and thank you, the end.

8) Focus on new villains. Heartless is meh, but the idea of new villains is still better IMO than rehashing Blockbuster, Zucco, etc. Like, nostaglia ain't it. If I want to read Blockbuster fucking up Dick's life, I can do that. They're called back issues. The thing is, love it or hate it, the Blockbuster arc WAS iconic. It left its mark. And anything that doesn't leave just as much of a mark, if they're going to bring him up again, is just gonna be a waste of time, you know? It'll just dilute his overall presence when like, what he was - worked fine as is. We don't need Round Two.

The trick to good villains, IMO, is they have to speak to a fight that needs fighting.

What I mean by that is....the best villains are those who resonate on a more instinctive level because they embody something that already exists in a reader's mind as a conflict that needs fighting. Like, if superheroes exist, if the embodiment of larger than life presences and forces devoted to protecting the world from various things are real....then their villains need to embody the kinds of fights or conflicts that NEED larger than life figures to combat them, at least on a one to one level.

Look at Superman and Lex Luthor. Superman at his core embodies the strength of community. He's the ultimate hero of the people, his essence is that he was the last survivor of a doomed race who was raised by two honest, hard working people to see the beauty in just being ONE of them, in using what he had on behalf of all of them and not just himself. In contrast, Lex Luthor is basically the embodiment of capitalist greed, of excess, of the entitlement of being able to have anything with a snap of your fingers and thus assuming that gives you divine mandate to make the kinds of choices that he sees as only his right to make.

He hates Superman, ultimately, because Superman is the WRONG savior of the people. He wants their only savior to be HIM, half the time he honestly believes he's saving the world FROM Superman, but just as often he's perfectly content to be the villain and not shy about it....because Lex Luthor's ultimate motivation is he wants everyone to know when he's dead and gone that LEX LUTHOR WAS HERE. He genuinely doesn't care WHAT his impact or legacy is at the end of the day, just that it exists and it overshadows most everything else...because all that really matters to him is the irrefutable proof that HE mattered. And thus at their cores, Superman and Lex are perfectly opposed. Ideally situated to eternally be in conflict, their own forever war, because their core natures are incompatible. They CAN'T compromise, without compromising themselves and essentially ending up as someone totally other than who and what they are already.

And you can go down the list. The Joker is the chaos to Batman's order, while Mr. Freeze is the stagnancy of that order taken too far, he's what you get when you freeze everything in your grief and refuse to let anything go on, anything new grow, because that would mean having to admit once and for all that what you're mourning is really gone. Two-Face is the ultimate embodiment of Man vs Self, a once good man at war with his own worse nature, and reminding everyone who looks at him how easily they could fall to the same fate.

And so on and so on. What Dick needs, is more of the same. Like, as much as I'm not a huge fan of Talon stories, I maintain that the Court of Owls were a great foil for him - just they tend to be poorly used in canon as well. But I also think how poorly they come off in canon has a lot to do with canon not really touching on WHY they're such a perfect foil for Dick....and that's Dick's history with being outside the system, mistreated and even exploited by the system. Because the Court, their core concept, is they ARE the system. They are entrenched, enfranchised, institutional power, passed down through generations, dynastic control that is a perfect counterpart to the dynastic power of the Wayne family, embodied in its youngest generation in the form of Bruce's FOUND family, the children he adopted regardless of whether or not his peers found them deserving of that honor. The Court, and their entire....thing...about the Gray Son, is the entitled fury of those denied something they deem theirs simply because they WANT it, and who will burn the whole world down rather than admit defeat or let someone else have it instead.

And that resonates. It could resonate a lot MORE if DC would actually lean into those concepts and allow Dick to explore how the Court are nothing he's not used to, they're literally made up of the same people who have looked down on him ever since he came to Gotham, but now they're actually a face and a name put to all those attitudes, something he can literally FIGHT BACK AGAINST. The Court are literally human-sized embodiments of everything and everyone who's tried to confine Dick since his parents' deaths, tried to define him without his permission, tried to make him other or lesser than who and what he is.....and who thus now exist in a form that Dick can literally BATTLE. So that he doesn't HAVE to just take this stuff lying down.

Thanks to the Court, he doesn't HAVE to just passively accept it, that this is just how life is, that some people are going to view him this way and think this about him and there's nothing he can do about it. He CAN do something about it, in superhero stories. He can kick its ASS, in the form of the Court of Owls and everything its members think about him and intend for him. He can refuse to bow down to them, to accept their mark on him. He can say lol, no, and then blow their shit sky high, ideally with a little help from his family. He can BEAT them, in this incarnated form, and in doing so, even though he can't beat everything they stand for and represent, that victory still matters, still means something symbolic to readers it resonates with.

And that's what we need more of. Villains created specifically to embody concepts that are diametrically opposed to Dick and what he represents. The system, yes, but also villains who embody the kind of tyranny and control he fights back against in his constant battles for autonomy and self control. Villains who embody the 'new hopes' of a second generation just like Dick himself is the focal point of the hopes embodied by the second generation of heroes. I'm actually not the hugest fan of multiversal constant Dick Grayson, but I might like it more if he had an opposite number there, someone he was specifically contrasted with. Idk.

But you get it.

9) Dick having a social life. Gimme the Titans and his siblings showing up JUST to show up. We have room enough for at least a couple pages every other issue where we just get to see these characters having some breathing room, taking a beat to stop and be something other than just a superhero, to be human as well. There's more to life than 24/7 fighting, even for them, and that's largely been lost in modern superhero comics, which kinda sucks, because that was what made most of the more iconic and lasting dynamics between various characters like, STAND the test of time. The larger than life battles between good and evil might be what many of us come to superhero comics FOR, but the relatable back-and-forths and ups and downs of their private lives spent with friends and family tends to be what keeps most of us coming BACK. And lately its all just mission, mission, mission, and I'm like blah, blah, blah and its like, meh, meh, meh. Y'know? Give the guy some down time, and let his friends come spend it with him.

10) Boone. This is purely self-indulgent, but if you know anything about me, you know my obsession with Robin: Year One, Dick's brief time at Vengeance Academy, and the hate/hate relationship he has with his brief frenemy from that period, Boone aka Shrike. This character has SOOOOO much potential to be Dick's true archnemesis and rival, and like. *Sobs* I can't get into it all again. Its too much. I can't do it.

Okay, I absolutely can. And will, probably. But like. Later.

BONUS ROUND:

Other thing I would absolutely insist upon if I were Nightwing editor....

GET THAT FUCKING MEME SHIRT ABOUT BRUCE SLAPPING DICK THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.

Like. Seriously. WHAT THE HELL. Why would you double down on THAT? Why is Babs STILL wearing it? (Last I checked, like I think I saw it in a scan from last issue? I'm pretty sure its still there? If not, forget this entire rant, and I am very embarrassed. Okay not that embarrassed. I don't really care if I'm wrong here but like, in case I'm not)...

WHY. Who thought that was funny? No, seriously, on behalf of any other abuse survivors who like me are SERIOUSLY not amused, who the FUCK thinks its FUNNY to have one of Dick's best friends sporting a shirt that no matter what it represents IN universe, to readers OUT of universe, is always going to call to mind the fact that this meme only freaking EXISTS because of all the times DC has obliviously and without acknowledgment written Bruce abusing his children, including the BFF that Babs is literally wearing that right in front of.

Like omg do you hate her, DC? What other possible reason could you have for thinking that would be a cute, funny thing for her to wear around the guy getting SLAPPED, by his DAD, in your shirt's iconography.

Okay I'm done.

LOL.

Sorry, that last one was brewing for awhile. Deep breaths. Woo.

[lais-a-ramos]

ok, this one is kind of a hard topic, and i appologize in advance for any mistakes i make or not being articulate enough

all the concearns over ppl in fandom hyping the only prominent white character, christina, in lovecraft country instead of the black characters are valid and the critique is definitely important, once it's common for ppl in fandom to either erase the half of a couple that is a BIPOC or to deny a canon cis het biracial ship to hype up a fanon white wlw ship and other problematic stuff plenty of times in LGBTQ+ fandom spaces.

but i also think we can't dismiss the entirety of the ship only bc the same LGBTQ+ fans are back at it again with their problematic behaviour, especially bc of its significance for black women and feminine-aligned nb folks who feel attraction to woman/feminine-aligned nbs -- lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, biromantic, panromantic etc.

for what i've seen so far, this ship is very important for black women and female-aligned nbs bc finally we have a dark-skinned black woman, who is also fat, to be treated with absolute respect and consideration and be passionately desired in a way that is not some kind of secret fetish or played for laughs, treated as being as worthy of being courted and romanced as her light-skinned and skinny half-sister.

christina respects ruby's choice and agency for most of the time -- i think the exception may be that first time ruby transformed into hillary;

she immediately explains to ruby her plans and intentions whenever ruby questions her behaviour and demands answers, including ruby in her plans when even ruby's loved ones keep secrets from her; she gives her all these baths and caresses her so softly, literally bathing her with affection and desire; she woos her with vows of devotion; and even tried to understand what ruby said when she asked her to try to understand her pain -- albeit in a fucked up way that only a privileged and sheltered girl raised in an enviroment in which magic is real and present in ppl's daily lives possibly could.

christina overall acknowledges that ruby is a woman with her own emotions, motivations, hopes, dreams, wants, needs and desires, and that's something y'all should keep in mind because i'll return to that later.

overall, these things i described are actually the basic that a person should do for the one they call their lover, and in no way erase the fact that christina is willing to kill innocent ppl to accomplish her goals of self-protection, nor turn these things acceptable from a moral standpoint.

but it's not the kind of treatment black women and feminine-aligned nbs receive, neither in fiction or in real life, by the way.

there are specific forms of misogyny that black women and female-aligned nbs face in which we are read as aggressive or animalistic, oversezualized or stripped from our sexuality and have our femininity denied if we don't check the boxes of what society deems acceptable.

there's this interview wumni mosaku gave for elle magazine U.S. in which she discusses her personal experiences with this problem, and how these eurocentric standards of femininity forced her to act in an overtly nice manner as a way to make sure ppl will treat her kindly instead of with suspicion and assuming she is aggressive.

that is because of the ways race and gender intersect creating a very complex scenario when it comes to definitions, experiences and stereotypes of femininity.

white women are overall treated with an authomatic presumption of innocence, as delicate and frail flowers who must be protected at all costs, especially if they are from upper classes -- that is something that is actually held against low-income white women, who are expected to adhere to certain standards to have their femininity acknowledged.

but, as we can see by that moment in episode 1x05, "strange case", when ruby as hillary is escorted by the policemen to her supposed husband who is actually christina shapeshifted , and, actually, by christina's entire motivations and characterization, that very same presumption of innocence is one of the sources of their oppression, because they are infantilized and stripped of their agency in favor of the men in their lives -- husbands, brothers, fathers etc --, being stopped and/or forbidden to do things cis het men usually get to and are expected to do.

in spite of this paradox, white women still have a privilege when compared to black women, because they're are still seen as ppl that belong to the world of affections and are worthy of receiving love, care and concearn for their wellbeing.

but that is not the case with black women.

usually, we are reserved two roles: one that revolves around being hypersexualized for men's consumption, both white and black alike; and the other, in which we are seen as "beasts of burden", carrying the weight in terms of work, emotions and so on, being expected to be desensitized to experiences and problems that no human would be expected to. sometimes, these two roles actually cross paths.

here in brazil, black activism and academics have been calling it "solidão da mulher negra", "the loneliness of black woman", and i think it's a very pertinent and powerful way to describe it.

and, that is the thing, when you're a black woman or feminine-aligned nb that doesn't fit into this role of being sexualized, you can feel this loneliness go a step further, because all that is left for you is that beast of burden part.

you end up not only being cast aside and abandoned by cis het white men and black men alike if you're attracted to men, but, overall, everyone in your social circle, including family, relatives and friends, expect you to be this source of strength and carry weights and resist to things ALL. THE. TIME.

and, guess what type of women and feminine-aligned nbs usually don't fit into this role of being sexualized????

the ones that are dark-skinned, fat, bulky, or any combination of these.

it's a combination of colorism, fatphobia, misogynoir and other factors that come to play, really.

one can check a few boxes, or check them all.

i myself don't check the "dark-skinned" box because, as a biracial women, i have light-skin privilege -- even though my skin is not as light as jurnee smollett's, who plays ruby's half-sister letitia "leti" lewis. but i sure have dealt with the consequences of not having the right body type for my whole life. i've been one of the "fat kids" for all my teen years, and, even now that i lost weight because of health issues, i'm still bulky and with large shoulders, feet and hands bigger than what is expected for women, and for most of my life i've felt in a similar way than what wumni mosaku describes on that elle magazine interview i mentioned earlier.

now, ruby literally checks ALL. THE. FUCKING. BOXES.

while we haven't seen much of her past, for the tidbits we got we can imagine that she had to be the responsible one in her family, being the older child, and basically raise her two siblings while their mom neglected them.

and we can see that, while the producers and writers changed a lot of her characterization from the source material -- in the part of the book i am right now, she has yet to show up, but the way she's described she seems more domestic and the shrinking violet type like show!hippolyta at the begining -- she is still seen as someone respected in her community and a source of strength -- e.g. being trusted to take care of dee.

and that clearly takes a toll on her, because everyone in-universe seems to expect her to be this mammy type or a role model, "a credit to the race" -- which is kind of ironic, given that it seems the audience seem to expect this of her as well.

and she puts all this pressure on herself because of it, and, while she is a woman with a very active sexual life, she seems overall very unsatisfied and repressed.

interrupted, as ruby herself perfectly put.

everyone seems to expect something of her at home, and not only all of her goals in the professional realm seem to be frustrated by social structures of oppression, but even her relationship goals as well, given that most of the men that she gets involved with, whether they are black or white, seem to believe they have the right to abandon her and treat her like trash because she doesn't feel a thing and is "strong" enough.

and that is where christina comes in.

now, it's true that the character that's pointed by many as a representation of white feminism surely is problematic in many ways, including her "colorblind" approach to racial issues, which is a particular form of racism that comes from an indifference towards social issues that steem from the privilege of not having to worry about said racial issues because one's not affected by them.

but, inspite of this colorblindness, or precisely because of it, christina sees ruby not for the roles she plays in other ppl's lives, but as the woman with her own emotions, motivations, hopes, dreams, wants, needs and desires that she is (see??? i told y'all to keep that in mind because it would be useful later).

some of these things might not be politically correct, like wondering what would it be like to be white and not have to deal with all the bullshit she has to.

some of these things might be dowright immoral and unethical, like the revenge fantasy she made come true against that abusive, sexual harasser and possibily rapist that was the guy from the department store that appeared in episode 1x05.

but, they are what makes ruby, well, ruby.

they are what makes her human, what humanizes her.

and christina accepts all of it, all that makes ruby who she is.

like the av club review for episode 9 pointed out, the two women are actually not that different when it comes to motivations: the stakes might be different for them because christina is protected by her whiteness and wealth, but both of them want the same thing in the end -- to not feel interrupted by the social restraints that bind them.

and that is what draws them to each other and feel attracted to each other, even though they might not understand quite well what to be queer means to them, or even avoided/repressed the question altogether as they grew up.

they are two points that seem opposite, and might as well be in some ways, but belong to the same axis that is gender and sexuality.

their relationship is incredibly complex and layered because of all these intersecctions.

ruby and christina's relationship is all about revealing different parts of yourself to the other and peeling each other's layers (sorry for the pun, but, it was just there lol), and, because of this, it's no wonder that it's seen as more romantic than, say, tic and leti's relationship, that seems to be playing out like plenty of cis heterosexual relationships, moving too fast because of the passion involved and what society expects, without the two of them being able to truly proccess and decide what they want, something that will defintely get more complicated now there's a baby on the way.

everything is so raw between ruby and christina, quite literally (it's one ot the things i love the most about all the gory scenes between them, it's a very clever way of using a fantastical setting to highlight these metaphors and symbolism).

with all of this, it shouldn't be a surprise that many sapphic black women and feminine-aligned nbs relate so much to ruby and got so attached to this relationship.

it's not because they endorse the problematic stuff christina or ruby have done -- although, well, to be fair, in a show that draws inspiration from pulp fiction magazines, particularly horror and detective/mystery stories, all characters are expected to be problematic and do fucked up things.

it's because queer black women and feminine-aligned nbs, regardless of whether they check only a few of the boxes i mentioned before or check all of them, can relate to this feeling of loneliness that the producers and writers portrayed so well with ruby -- but also with hippolyta, and dee too.

and for relating to these feelings, they relate to this relationship between ruby and christina.

and it's kind of hard to know what's gonna happen next in the show and the future of this ship

hell, even know whether the show is gonna be renewed or not.

but this should be a lesson for the future, on this fandom and others, to try and consider the perspectives of LGBTQ+ black ppl in these spaces, because, when you don't do that, you're basically reproducing, in a space we should be safe to have fun, the same oppression and silencing we deal on a daily basis

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it’s a fucking metaphor!

Titans 3.08

i’ve finally gathered the mental and emotional resources to do this thing, so let’s go! as always, i’m typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. on watching this opening scene, i was thinking back to how gar was in s1, or even the early bits of s2. the way he idolised the others, particularly dick, and his readiness to go along with whatever they said, and the way he practically bled the need for acceptance. and here he is now, openly defying dick, fully open to and aware of the flaws of the people he loves and admires, knowing he is accepted no matter what and extending that generosity elsewhere. it’s a remarkable bit of character growth that’s... sort of blossomed in the background and so rewarding to see and acknowledge. 

1.25. i guess what i really love about this conflict over how to respond to jason--as clumsily as it is sometimes written--is how their histories and individual traumas inform each character’s reaction. dick is torn between his guilt over what’s become of jason and his drive to do what batman had essentially given up on doing: he is motivated to track down red hood at all costs but there’s a sense that he’s not completely sold on the idea that the only way to stop him is to kill him. (he might go the comics route and try to put him in arkham? god, imagine if the season ended with jason in arkham.) kory’s never had much of a connection with jason in the first place, and jason has done one of the worst things he could do in her book: track and kill a member of her newfound family and is threatening to kill more. 

and gar... sure. look. the idea of jason and red hood as separate entities appeals to him; that red hood emerged when jason was drugged to the gills by scarecrow and lost his usual inhibitions. gar’s struggled with what he becomes when he’s pushed to his limits, too--he did rip open that experimenting scientist with his teeth way back in 1.07, after all, and he was brainwashed by cadmus in s2 into becoming a literal monster. he needs to think, to know, there’s a dichotomy, a line that can only be crossed under extreme duress or by outside influence. 

and he says--and we say--that he was accepted back into the titans in spite of what he’d done, but was he really? gar’s always struggled with his footing in this group; relegated to the caretaker, the tech guy, the gatekeeper, and sometimes punching bag even though everybody’s paying lip service to how much of a family they all are. perhaps gar reaching out to jason and offering acceptance is aspirational on his part: perhaps this is the effort he hoped the titans put/or will put into getting gar back, even when it would seem like he’s too far gone.

1.5. anyway my point is that i don’t think it’s worth discussing this in terms of right/wrong decisions because all of their reactions make a lot of sense given their backgrounds/personalities. gar is doing a fine job here of tracking down jason’s friends and trying to find him that way, but we the audience know that jason is ultimately going to end up an anti-hero/eventually-hero character, so with that knowledge in mind we know that gar’s reaction is the right one. it’s knowledge that the other characters don’t have, so to judge them on it is... uh, unfair.

1.8. also, molly is awesome, yay!

2. dick and barbara flirting over the phone is so cute! i love to see this side of dick: lighter, peppier, willing (even if somewhat reluctantly) to put his mission aside to go out on a date with his girlfriend. and i love how easy this makes his dynamic with kory too: it’s all very domestic and utterly delightful. 

(also, re: the water leak in barbara’s office--you’re saying GCPD could afford fancy-schmancy table-wide touch screen computers and evil-lair lighting but needs its frickin’ commissioner to catch leaking water from above her desk with mugs and fishbowls????)

2.2225. this is probably a teeny tiny thing and i’m not sure i want to bring it up at all BUT. the fact that dick feels compelled to lie to barbara about not liking fancy gala food and eating something more substantial before the date? not a terribly great sign, though i wouldn’t call it a red flag per se. 

“this from a man who forced his students to eat cauliflower crust pizza...”

3. so.... conner and kom are a Thing. huh.

in theory i really like the idea of them bonding over an innate alien-ness and longing for a place they could really belong. both of them are alien twice-over: conner a mix of kryptonian and human, practically generated in a test tube, and kom being somebody that was born different and rejected by her own people, now stuck on a planet dominated by an entirely different species. i even like them exploring this bond physically. i guess it’s the sense of... uneasiness around what we do and don’t know about kom that makes this scene land slightly left of centre to me. i think titans, especially through s2, has cultivated in its audience a sense of distrust even until the final episode, just in case somebody vital to the season is suddenly revealed to have had ulterior motives (i’m even low-key suspicious of leslie). i really want to see this kom-conner dynamic play out but the anticipation of watching the other shoe drop is sucking out the enjoyment.

4. for fuck’s sake dick, gar’s not your gatekeeper.

TIIIIIIIIMMMMM \O/

4.5. i love this nod to tim’s origins in the comics, the way he just comes in and lays out all his evidence and makes it clear to dick that he needs tim’s help as robin. the fact that he was there at the flying graysons’ last performance, he was obsessed with their acrobatic moves, and was observant enough to connect those moves with that of robin and later nightwing... all of this came together to put him where he is right now.

(i also love how he can’t contain his giddy excitement when talking about the day dick grayson’s parents died... to dick grayson. even if dick weren’t nightwing, that would be a deeply uncomfortable thing! yet tim can’t help himself, and i love him for it.)

4.8. it’s a testament to how much dick’s caught off-guard that he can’t come up with a better response to tim’s allegations other than “uh... he stole my moves! as you know, no two gymnasts in the world are allowed to do the same moves. now, let me escort you out while pretending poorly that i’m not at all shaken by this...”

4.9. i’ve talked about this before, but i find the logic around secret identities in this universe utterly fascinating. the titans don’t make much effort in keeping their identities secret: everybody seems to know that kory is starfire for instance, or that gar is beast boy. dick grayson is seen hanging out with kory a lot, especially at crime scenes. it won’t take a lot of sleuthing to find out that the titans are currently camped out at wayne manor, and to put two and two together.

my theory was that superheroes and villains have become such an integral part of daily society that it’s almost not worth it to seek out their secret identities, or that it’s just not a big deal anymore. like politicians or diplomats, not everybody bothers to look into who exactly their local politician is, but the people who know just... know. it’s a sort of unspoken social contract.

tim’s broken this contract by confronting dick about his identity, and dick’s not ready to deal with it. not entirely.

look at him! *pinches his cheeks*

5. ngl, it was quite satisfying to see jason knock the scarecrow out like that. 

5.5. i guess... the question of jason’s culpability is always going to be a thorny one and would make for a great courtroom drama spinoff. there are a number of factors to consider: jason’s personality, the rough circumstances under which he grew up, his undoubtedly stressful transition to being robin, bruce wayne being... well, bruce wayne, never feeling accepted by the titans and having most of them turn on him, being roundly defeated and almost killed by deathstroke, alfred’s death, a fuckload of ptsd, his violent death, crane’s manipulations, coming back to life, crane plying him with a drug. but there is no easy line to draw between any of these factors to his actions. i think it would be a disservice to jason’s character to attribute his actions entirely to these things and rather irresponsible to do so. i think jason has to reckon with the fact that when he took crane’s drug, he wasn’t reckless and chaotic like the thugs he gave it to; the planning that went into hank’s death was meticulous and the way hank died--dawn essentially tricked into pulling the trigger that blew her lover into bits--is so drawn out and cruel. 

5.75. it’s occurring to me that crane might have given jason a placebo. maybe jason’s dependence is psychological, and he’s externalised his fears in such a way that he believes crane’s drugs literally wipe them out, however temporarily.

in any case, the boy needs (more) therapy.

6. “he walked like robin...” fuck, tim

“gait recognition sweep” god, this show. i don’t know whether to laugh or cry. hey, once we’re done doing this gait recognition thingy, can we get a goddamn plumber in the house??? or move the commissioner’s desk so that sewage water isn’t dripping on her head or the million dollar touchscreen desk???????

6.5. oh no dick!!!!!! i am delighted that you got hurt but i feel ashamed about it! that looked like it really hurt!

he’s really not having a good time of it, is he. from being shot by a sniper to slamming at full speed into an suv, he’s got to be really fucking battered by now. and that’s just the physical side of it.

“can you believe that just over a week ago i was sitting in san francisco eating cauliflower crust pizza and feeling good about myself for the first time in five years...”

7. kory’s having visions again! now that she’s figured what they are, do you think the show’s just dropped justin? it’s curious that HPG hasn’t been brought up in a while after featuring relatively heavily in the beginning. hmmm.

8. dick’s in hospital but... he looks remarkably whole for someone who took a spill like that. you’d think he’d at least have a bruise to show for it. on the other hand, i love that the first thing he says is ‘i need to call home’. reminds me of season 1 dick and his clumsy attempts to explain away his found family as an ‘alliance of necessity’ or some bullshit. what a long way he’s come!

*gasp* dick’s hallucinating again!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m doing the dick’s hallucinating dance! can you believe that we’re carrying over these huge honking issues unearthed in season 2 onto season 3? can you believe?!!! all that time and effort i spent talking about dick’s mental health from last season has not gone in vain!!

... ahem. anyway. more on this later.

“hold on barbara, i think kory gave me the number to this therapist that she kept calling Hot Psychiatrist Guy...”

9. just an interlude to say that i’m barely halfway through the episode and i’ve already written 2k+ words... ugh. i’m going to try and be more concise.

10. man i fuckin love it when titans goes all out with its weird mindscapes and i’m extra glad that kory’s the focus this time. is that baby kom or maybe a secret sibling that neither of them knew about? was that lady luand’r? and is this place where kory was circling where the secret sibling is? it’s all very intriguing. 

(if justin turned out to be that sibling... we’ve a real luke/leia situation on our hands.)

11. aw, i knew that nice security guard was going to die, but it still hurt to see him go :(

12. this show is so bizarre. like i get the mindscape as a narrative device, but jason using sex workers to try and vocalise his guilt about killing hank was just weird. like. i have to use tamil, sorry: idhulaan yaaru pa room pottu yosikara??? some things just can’t be translated into a second language.

i guess one way to interpret jason’s reckoning with what he did to the titans as a sign of him coming off crane’s drug, but i think it’s more to do with the disillusionment of realising that he was a mere pawn in a more sinister plan, and not, as he thought, a player in control of his destiny, rising to the purpose of liberating gotham of its fears in a way batman never could. along the way, he’s done some truly irreversible damage. it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

13. another hallucination! it’s really intriguing that it’s a young dick(?), younger than we’ve ever seen him, wearing an early-era robin costume from way before he even became robin. (this is also interesting in that it gives credence to the idea that ‘robin’ is an identity that dick created entirely on his own, and as a possible homage to his family.)

“old road, old house... it’s all gone.” i wonder what it all means.

13.5. it’s entirely likely dick’s hallucinating because of a brain injury from the accident, though just hallucinations without any other focal neurological deficit is unusual. he might’ve been microdosed with fear toxin at some point, though i wonder when... did jason do so after dick’s accident? did he get dosed at the factory from last episode? 

it’s also possible it’s a continuing manifestation of dick’s issues from last season--which, if you remember, he never told anyone about and therefore never properly addressed. maybe he was hallucinating bruce wayne in a psychotic episode accompanying an acute stress reaction and maybe that’s what’s happening now. nobody’s denying that he’s under an extraordinary amount of stress right now. another way to look at it is that this is how he externalises conflict that he can’t bear to suppress anymore; if in s2 halluci!bruce manifested his insecurities and self-loathing, then these hallucinations... something to do with his fears, no doubt.

yet ANOTHER way to look at it might be: rachel is reaching out to him through their, well, psychic bond. after all, they were able to use that bond unconsciously last season to get the titans back together; maybe rachel has learned to gain a degree of control over it in themyscira and is sending across warnings? it’s all very intriguing.

anyway:

“i hear you skipped over the discowing suit in your evolution to nightwing... how could you??”

14. can you imagine, gar did all the work of reaching out to jason via molly and jason wants to meet dick? smh.

14.5. “i’m just a regular guy doing regular things” he says, standing at the opening of a secret old tunnel, like a secret person doing secret things, confronting someone who can now officially be called his stalker. neither of you guys are ‘regular’

14.8. ‘my dad was a cop and he taught me how to investigate’ - hmmm. i guess they’re trying to Explain Tim but i don’t think that’s really necessary. so he’s smart and he’s obsessed with batman and robin--that should be enough, imo. 

15. that scene with scarecrow and his mother was... wow. i’m just laughing here helplessly, because what the hell? for a while i thought it was an extended dream sequence and i’m still not entirely sure that it isn’t...

anyway. i still love that titans is happy to throw out its plot in favour of extended character-exploration sessions.

15.5. it seems to me that this scene with crane and his mother (i have no idea if there’s anything in the comics similar to this) serves to move forward this season’s theme of harmful legacies and how parents can damage their children in the name of their mission. in a way it’s been the underlying message of the entire show but we’re really seeing it being reinforced this season. the titans, serving as a foil to scarecrow, are using the damage to rebuild themselves and actually work through their issues together, instead of spiralling further and further into the morass of their issues.

other than that... god, that scene was painful to watch. i can’t say i like this version of scarecrow or how this actor plays him at all.

16. i wonder what’s jason’s play here. i think he’s smart enough to realise that the titans aren’t going to just forgive him and let him be a titan again after what he did, and that dick agreeing to it is just a bid to pin both him and crane down. maybe it’s a ploy to trap them, get back on scarecrow’s good books so that he can have the drug again. who knows.

17. i absolutely felt dick when he said “we’ll bring him in and then re-assess the situation.” what the fuck else is he going to say? the priority is to get him.

so kory and dick are both hallucinating while potentially trying to rehabilitate their murderous siblings. CONFIDE IN EACH OTHER ALREADY

18. TIM NOOOO! you beautiful, reckless fool!

18.25. just to quickly address it here because i know it’s been brought up before: i think it’s perfectly justified to not have conner take tim to the hospital via superspeed because a) i don’t think we’ve seen conner do that with anybody so far and b) it’s probably not a good idea to submit tim’s body to that kind of stress without knowing what it would do to him. the paramedics with actual equipment and experience would be there in a few minutes, so on a risk assessment, i would say dick and conner absolutely made the right call.

18.5. i guess we won’t know what jason really intended to when the titans came to the pump to see him, but this is definitely going to set a big wedge in his relationship with crane. then again, crane got what he wanted--using starfire’s powers to blast through to the underground pipes--so jason can argue that this is exactly what he was working towards, too. 

anyway, mortal peril, hallucinations, murderous family members, creepy visions and robins sprouting left and right. time to get rachel and donna on the scene, i think.

[paradife-loft]

why the nie sect leaders’ inevitable death by qi deviation isn’t (just) about the sabers

(now at AO3!)

So, okay, this is a meta I’ve been working on/wanting to write/dropping hints to various people about now for quite a while! I think it’s significant thematically to some of the main questions MDZS/CQL asks, about cycles of justice and vengeance, the tension between personal agency and aspects of a situation outside one’s control, and good intentions often not being enough on their own, particularly to forestall problems resulting from imperfect or fatally flawed means to an end.

As a fantasy story, I think one of the strengths of MDZS/CQL is how it uses magic to reflect aspects of its thematic questions in certain cases as literal external forces, events that exist in a format outside just a character’s internal journey. The metaphors and proper social and personal orders these characters live by, have very real physical consequences in the world that result from the existence and manipulation of magical/spiritual energies.

And to my view, the part of this that I want to make the case for here, is how this relates to the Nie sect’s cultivation practises, and why I think the clan’s history of leaders succumbing to instability and qi deviation is a more complicated interplay of a few different factors, rather than just an externally-imposed illness whose source is purely their saber spirits.

* * *

Like, okay. The characters and narrative do, in fact, spend a lot of time discussing the Nie sect leaders’ early violent deaths in the context of their sabers’ spirits becoming angry and aggressive and affecting their mental and spiritual stability. So it makes sense to focus on those actual items as the essential reason behind why they qi deviate and end up dying the way they do. But there was something… logically unsatisfying to me about the idea that just the number of edges on your bladed weapon would make such a difference that sword spirits (also generally used for killing! because they’re also deadly weapons!) are apparently morally neutral but sabers, on the other hand, just Cannot Stop with the killing once they’ve gotten a taste of it.

But if you take an experimental step away from the idea that sabers must somehow be Inherently Different from swords in their response to violence - what possible explanations are left? Or, asked a different way - what makes the Nie sect’s ideological cultivation focus distinct from other sects’? The Lan focus on regulation and self-restraint as the path to goodness; the Jiang focus on self-knowledge and following what you know as right even against difficult odds; the Jin seem to emphasise value in beauty and unique rarity… and what the Nie seem to place the most value on, is dispensation of justice and abhorring evil, even to an extent that refuses attempts at compromise.

The only problem is, the justice that they (and plenty of others) seem to focus on most often, is justice for capital crimes - paying with a life for a life - and no matter how righteous and justified the motives, what this still ends up with is a spiritual path that spends a comparatively awful lot of time on seeking others’ deaths. And we see, throughout the story, more than one thematic hint that this is maybe not the best method for moving toward harmony or immortality.

Lan Qiren’s impromptu quiz of Wei Wuxian when the latter is fucking off in class. His example problem specifies the resentful spirit was an executioner in life (societally-sanctioned to kill others for heinous crimes), and Wei Wuxian notes that one who’s killed so many is a very likely sort to become a resentful corpse; meanwhile his many victims also remain tethered to cycles of vengeance and anger, able to be easily stirred up into a force of resentful energy that would target him if their corpses were disturbed.

The dialogue between Wei Wuxian and Fang Mengchen in the Burial Mounds after the attempted siege turns into the major sects being saved from a trap. It’s all very fine and good to hold a grudge, to see a lack of justice for a harm that can’t ever be undone or repaired when the one who caused it gets to be alive and well (or even not!), but as Wei Wuxian says - what are you going to do about it? It’s so easy for there to always be a wrong that needs righting (in a real or alleged guilty party’s blood). But will it get you anywhere? Can a person, can a society, mete out justice or vengeance once and have that wipe the slate clean, or will the wound reopen again and demand yet more suffering? Where does it end?

The discussion about the Nie’s ancestral saber halls with Huisang, where Wei Wuxian notes that the method of suppressing the saber spirits edges rather close to demonic cultivation. In literal terms, that question seems to be directed at the actual use of evil individuals’ transforming corpses to contain the sabers’ power. But I think the entire conversation, and Huisang’s need to swear them to secrecy and enlistment as backup if other clans find out and get angry, contains a certain amount of thematic subtext reflecting not just on the saber tomb itself, but the Nie clan’s cultivation as a whole. These are significant and revered family heirlooms, not easily or justly discarded, but maintaining them isn’t without cost, and the spiritual fallout rests on the edge of a knife, needing the perpetual presence of an evil to fight to remain in balance: the saber tomb is both the literal and metaphorical end result of the clan leaders’ cultivation path.

“But why,” you may ask, “if the principles underlying the Nie sect’s whole culture have an edge that’s sharper and more harmful to the user’s qi than other cultivation philosophies of the rest of the sword-using sects, do we only see “death by qi deviation” as an issue for the sect leaders, and not more widespread among a larger portion of the disciples?”

And that’s where the “(just)” part of the title of this post comes in, because that aspect is where the difference comes down to the sabers - or, specifically, the named sabers that have spirits of their own. The spiritual sabers aren’t bloodthirsty and excited to haunt and/or kill people right out of the gate, but rather, as Huisang explains, they become restless after spending their wielder’s lifetime destroying evil. A cultivator and their spiritual tools develop a relationship over time, as their cultivation is practised and refined - they bond, they recognise one another, and crucially, they seem to be able to share a kind of spiritual feedback loop, with the energies and intentions of one connecting to and ideally bolstering the strength of the other. The Nie clan in general seems marked by particularly strong relationships between individual cultivator and weapon, considering the sabers’ refusal to allow a clan leader’s descendants to inherent them, and both the circumstances of Mingjue’s father’s death and his own trauma reaction to that death.

So in this case, the illness and eventual qi deviations the Nie clan leaders suffer, the way the saber spirits come to weigh on their minds and emotions, make sense to me as a confluence of the particularly close bond and almost spiritual symbiosis between wielder and weapon, and the particular subject of emphasis that the clan leader lives by in how they train with and use that weapon. Focusing on justice as killing, as violent destruction of evil (the last resort one should aspire to after other solutions have failed, per Lan Qiren’s lesson), may not be the most spiritually healthy in any circumstance, but it’s only when you have half a lifetime’s worth of a mental feedback loop between you and this external, semi-sentient part of yourself that’s reinforcing the spiritual toll of that path, that you actually end up with a resulting qi deviation and death.

* * *

So, anyway, I do want to be clear having put forth this argument, that my point here is not to condemn the Nies, nor for that matter blame the sect leaders for their own deaths - that’s very much not in line with how the text itself displays flaws and virtues as two sides of the same coin (at times divided only by the context around them), and shows how destructive consequences can result from the best of intentions. For that matter, each major sect has unquestionably valuable basic principles at its heart, and just like microcosms of any culture, society, or group, displays instances of those principles being distorted, misaimed, or taken to extremes in ways that cause disharmony and pain to those in their path.

I think the way it plays out for the Nie clan just interests me in particular because of the way their uniqueness in cultivation method plays such known havoc with its members’ bodies and minds, and the way it straddles the divide between upright and demonic cultivation. MDZS asks, I think, more questions than it offers definitive answers to, and a significant one of those is, even if vengeance, even if death-as-justice is righteous, where do you balance all the harm done to others (up to and including) the justice-seeker in deciding whether to continue down that path of action?

And if it’s the Nie sect’s spiritual focus in combination with the spirits of their sabers that wear down a slow stream of damage to their qi, rather than simply the external threat of the sabers alone - that seems congruent, to me, with the suggestions offered elsewhere in the story.

[sou-ver-2-0]

Thoughts on Kurumada’s partnership with Sou and Kanna

I wanted to try writing my thoughts about Naomichi Kurumada, the only dark-skinned character in Your Turn to Die. 

With the full disclosure that I'm a white American so my perspective on this issue is limited. However, I've seen plenty of posts online from fans who say they "hate" Kurumada, and I thought... Maybe we should try unpacking this?? We can't control what Nankidai writes for this character, but as fans we should try to have more mature responses to his work. As a big Star Wars fan, I'm used to seeing characters like Mace Windu and Finn get unfairly discredited by fans, and I don't like seeing that kind of behavior in the YTTD fandom either. I also wanted to discuss the optics of pairing up Kurumada with Sou and Kanna, two light-skinned "delicate" characters.

I do love YTTD, but the optics of having only one minor dark-skinned character is disappointing.

If I can try to make a general analysis of Kurumada's character so far, it seems like his main purpose is to show that even the "toughest" character can easily die in the Death Game. Physically, as a boxer, he may be the strongest one. He's also a bit of a bully, since we see him teasing the young girls Kanna and Anzu. Kurumada also gets some interesting conversations with Q-Taro, our established "physically strong man" character, which show us how Q-Taro has grown a lot as a person since the beginning of the game. While Q-Taro used to be more ruthless like Kurumada seems to be currently, by now Q-Taro has become more of a gentle giant.

And if I can speculate a little, Kurumada has the beginnings of an interesting partnership with either Sou or Kanna, who have been established as the party's "delicate" members. Since the dummies have been tasked with killing their human partners, this makes for a fraught and potentially exciting dynamic. But we still don't know how this will play out.

None of the dummies are as fleshed out and interesting as their human counterparts, since we've only just met them. This puts Kurumada at a disadvantage in the fandom. We can't appreciate yet whether he'll become a more complex character, or whether he'll remain simplistic. 

My hope for Kurumada is that he'll get an arc learning to be a more protective person rather than a bully, and that other characters will learn to see him as somebody worthy of protection as well. Even if Kurumada's fate is to die again, I still hope he gets to be interesting and sympathetic. Basically, I think that is the least that Nankidai can do for his only dark-skinned minor character. 

However, obviously the optics of YTTD would be a lot better if Nankidai had simply introduced more dark-skinned characters from the beginning. Instead of only introducing a kind of arrogant, aggressive dark-skinned man near the end.

It's disappointing, because I think Nankidai is a smart writer who makes some other interesting social commentary in the game. He seems keenly aware of how a character's gender, age, profession, and socio-economic class affects how privileged or vulnerable they are in a game where they're pitted against each other. That's why I love the story and the main cast of characters so much. But it doesn't seem like he's given much thought to how race would be a factor too.

So now we have an unfortunate situation where an "aggressive" dark-skinned man is partnered with either of the "delicate" light-skinned characters Sou or Kanna, and... Seeing that makes me wish that Nankidai had been more thoughtful with his optics. One simple "fix" for that would have been to make Sou and Kanna dark-skinned as well. 

I think that could have been potentially smart writing, in line with Nankidai's other social commentary. Since Sou and Kanna are both already clearly written as vulnerable types in society. Sou is poor and scraping by on part-time jobs, while Kanna is a depressed little orphan girl. Sou's arc tells the story of a young man already aware of how society doesn't value his life, and so he tries to fit into a stereotypical villainous role to make the others fear him. But as we learn more about him, we can't pretend he's a simple villain; he's a complex human being who deserves to live as much as anyone else. But he also deserves to have his wishes heard and be allowed to express his humanity, since society denies him this too. Meanwhile, Kanna's arc tells the story of a young, adopted girl who has internalized that her own life is worthless, but we can lead her to be a more hopeful person who realizes that she's loved and valued. Sou and Kanna's arcs are already meaningful considering how society demonizes working-class people and twists girls into hating themselves. But making them dark-skinned instead of light-skinned could have added another layer of depth to their characters and the story's social commentary, in addition to fixing a simple optics problem with Kurumada.

However, this is all just coming from my limited perspective. I was inspired to write this mainly because I was annoyed at seeing fans dunk on Kurumada without thinking about the broader context that he's the only dark-skinned character. I also think it's kind of fun to imagine how the story could have been written to be more inclusive. I'd love to see any other takes on this too.

[gcmblingdice]

Marty Stus can fit any Mary Sue Tropes, but some are more common with Marty Stus than Mary Sues and vice-versa. Some of the most common types of Marty Stus are:

Manly Stu: Probably the most common Marty Stu and the most likely to have all or most of the Common Marty Stu Traits above. This character has reached awe-inspiring levels of manliness through pure authorial favoritism. Nine times out of ten, he is written by a male author, with variable levels of Wish Fulfillment tossed in. You won't see him dwell often on romance, if ever, since Real Men Hate Affection. Also usually a God Mode Stu.

Alt. names: Marty Stu on Steroids, Manly Man Marty Stu, Macho Man Stu

Romantic Stu: This sort of Marty Stu is much "tamer" than the Macho Stu, and is much more interested in his Love Interest. In fact, he's more intuitive to the needs of his beloved than most men in Real Life would ever be. He might be a bad boy, or Troubled, but Cute, or this may be just an Informed Attribute. Either way, he's everything a girl would dream of in a guy. He's often written by a female or written to get females interested in the story.

Alt. names: Lovesick Stu, Romance Stu, Love Sickening Stu, Romeo Stu

Uke Stu: Taking Romantic Stu a step further, there's the Uke Stu. He's the polar opposite of Macho Stu and is more than just In Touch with His Feminine Side. As the name implies, he's likely a character possessing the traits typically associated with the 'receiver' in Boys' Love and Yaoi. If he's not gay, he's probably less aggressive and masculine than his female Love Interest.

Alt: Feminine Stu

Lemon Stu: He can seduce and sleep with literally anyone he wants and Really Gets Around. This guy has the sex life most guys can only dream of. For he is The Casanova taken Up to Eleven. See the main page for more details.

Alt. names: Casanova Stu, The Genji

Lemon Stu Anti-Stu: Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Lemon Stu meets Anti-Sue. This type of Marty Stu is unattractive, rude, and often meant to be a stand-in for the male audience. Yet somehow, he manages to score with beautiful women, often resulting in Kavorka Man and Ugly Guy, Hot Wife.

Alt. names: Lemon Stu Loser, Anti Stu Casanova, Kavorka Stu

Geeky Stu: Some males realize that they will never physically meet the qualifications for your typical action hero, even though they may enjoy their adventures. Qualifications that include rugged good looks, strength, stamina, athletic ability, and a strong constitution as well as being charismatic and having excellent social and leadership skills. They prefer a protagonist that they could see themselves as. The Geeky Stu is average looking, cerebral, quirky, and probably of a scientific bent, even if he doesn't hold a degree. His strength is in his gray matter, not his myosin. He kicks ass using wit and intellect. He disarms foes with clever rhetoric and kills the ladies with dorky charm. His sidekick might be an action ready type ready to supply the brawn, but will always be taking orders from Geeky Stu, the brains of the operation. Geeky Stu considers himself an intellectual elite in a world of fools. And he is always ready to put the powers that be in their place, whether they be military martinets or bureaucrats. He will always win over "The Girl" from the Alpha Male jock because Geeks Are Sexy. Hard Science Fiction has quite a number of these. May overlap with Einstein Sue.

Alt. Names: Nerd Stu, Intellectual Stu

Purity Stu: This is the Marty Stu whose main character flaw is... His lack of flaws, which irritates the audience to no end. He is an All-Loving Hero or something similar, and may see it as his personal mission in life to be The Caretaker to everyone, whether they want it or not. He will radiate Incorruptible Pure Pureness, and this aura of perfection will often create a weird inversion of Straw Loser, as this character is just so wonderful that he makes everyone else look bad. He will either be a Technical Pacifist or an Actual Pacifist, unless of course, he actually has to fight, in which case he will fight in the most heroic way, with no one being killed. If (and this is a big if) he has any flaws, they will be so tiny that you'll need a magnifying glass to see them, or they will be cosmetic flaws that don't really affect him or the story. And those flaws will almost exclusively be "good guy flaws." He will often have a traumatic past, and may have been a bad guy then, but now he's simply good. In those cases, he's The Atoner. If he's The Atoner he may be on the receiving end of Reformed, but Rejected. On the other hand, anyone who crosses him will be Easily Forgiven, not because of an agenda but out of the goodness of his heart. He's nice to everyone, even his enemies. In some cases, he may even save the life of one of his foes, or of someone close to them, which most will see as kind but the more cynical will interpret as Passive-Aggressive Kombat. If he dies, he may ascend to Heaven/be sainted/have everyone, even his enemies mourn him/ ect. He will probably help others in a way that may come off as sweet to most, but as Condescending Compassion to the more cynical. Everyone will love him, and those who don't will be vilified. In fantasy, he may very well be The Chosen One. He may very well be able to do amazing things simply through his goodness. If a young boy, he may be a male version of The Pollyanna. He will probably love his country. He will always, always, always be willing to rescue people, even if they don't want it. Is nearly always a Good Samaritan, but very rarely runs into No Good Deed Goes Unpunished. If a superhero, he will be The Cape Up to Eleven. He will often be an impossibly good judge of character, and always do the right thing. Sometimes this happens when Historical Hero Upgrade is taken Up to Eleven.

Alt. Names: Perfect Hero Syndrome, Mr. Good Guy, Messianic Stu (in works where he takes on Christ-like qualities, not that uncommon,) Buddha-Like Stu (in works where he takes on Buddha-like qualities, also not that uncommon,) The Galahad (in works featuring chivary as in Arthurian legend).

Black Hole Stu: His gravity is so great, he draws all the attention and causes other characters (and, often, reality itself) to bend and contort in order to accommodate him and elevate him above all other characters. Characters don't act naturally around him - guys wish to emulate him and all the girls flock to him regardless of circumstances. They serve as plot enablers for him to display his powers or abilities, with dialogue that only acts as set-ups for his response. He dominates every scene he is in, with most scenes without him serving only to give the characters a chance to "talk freely" about him - this usually translates to unambiguous praise and exposition about how great he is. Most people don't oppose him and anybody who does will either realize their fault in doing so or just prove easy to overcome. Often a combination of the above Stu archetypes.

Informed Anti-Stu: This Stu is disadvantaged by society, magic, technology or any other factor owning to certain attributes that make him weak and disadvantaged...except none of those weaknesses ever come into play, while any or all of the "positive" elements of the above Stu archetypes continue to apply in the context of the story.

[unabashedmusiccollector]

Commitments

It all started when my dad died last March 15/2019 I have learned how to drive because no one will drive my mom. I drive everyday just me and mom to go to the supermarket and to buy the ingredients for our menu of the day because we have a little dinner beside a hospital and yet I tried to be responsible in everything that was not suppose to be done by me.

March 15/2021

On this day our family commemorate the day when my father died. In that day our family is very busy in planning and to setup the tables and foods that we prepare for that day. We commence my dad’s death anniversary inside the eternal gardens in which where is my father currently buried. I have a friend which is a girl surprised me on the day before my dad’s anniversary. She told me that she will be attending to my dad’s death anniversary and on that statement that she say just surprised me and it felt like someone is with me in this time of sadness. I admit that I already courted her so many times and yet I am unlucky, but it is not the first time that she attended on any of my family activities or celebration because she already attended on my mom’s birthday. The fact that her presence is there, it just helped to decrease my depression and sadness and yet even though I did not have her answer but she is still there for me as a friend and I will never forget that she makes me feel happy even if we are not that serious on a relationship. 

March 16/2021

In today’s fast-paced society, commitment is not something that pops into most people’s minds on a daily basis. We are constantly presented with numerous choices and opportunities with little encouragement for making long-term and thorough commitments.

No, I am not talking only about relationships but also everything else that fills your calendar (this is after all who you really are), whether that be church activities, family get-togethers, college classes, work, and friendships. Here, I discuss some important commitments we can make for a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

Joshua 24:15 says “But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

We must commit to our faith in Jesus Christ and live our lives according to that commitment, daily.

March 17/2021

We all have, or will have, families in some form or fashion. Commit to those relationships, whether that be your fiancé, spouse, kids, or extended family and show your love for them. Play a game together as a family, watch a movie, go for a trip, have a meal together, discuss, read the same book, and so forth.

This day and age we have an endless list of activities we can do together. Going to my home, greeting my family, and then withdrawing to my room with my home and/or other devices in another room while interacting with my family is quite gratifying. 

March 18/2021

As the Coronavirus pandemic forced everyone into spending more time at home, it also forced people to go through home supplies at much quicker rates. The expedited use of food, cleaners and toiletries led to an even more important role for grocery stores and their workers.

Like most businesses, grocery stores have been forced to change, but unlike most the demand for in person employees grew. During the early days of uncertainty with unsettled shoppers flooding supermarkets, workers like Mary stepped up to work long hours, six days a week

Grocery store workers have been called heroes throughout all of this because as rules and regulations have changed, they’ve changed right along with them. From face masks and social distancing to deep cleaning stores and product shortages, they’ve been coming in day in and day out to make sure as many people get what they need as possible.

March 19/2021

As I fall asleep I remeber may past experience when our city is under lockdown Space is something we Filipinos don't care too much about. To name a few examples: our houses our built right next to each other; there is minimal to non-existent personal space; shoppers are literally rubbing elbows at the biggest public market in the city; and passengers are squished inside a small jeepney.

But space is something our founders thought an important factor when building a child-caring center. During this pandemic time, where children are prohibited to go out of their homes, our children are still able to "go out" of their homes. They are still able to enjoy a game of soccer and kickball in our huge playground. Our toddlers are still able to ride their scooters on our driveways. Our children are still able to run around and chase each other in a game of tag. The space we have makes the lockdown endurable for everyone. 

March 20/2021

On this day after we go to the market and buy our groceries for our canteen I heard a story on a radio about bullying. When I was in elementary school, I was happy and kind, and I had many friends. But when I was in middle school, some adults started flirting with me. I left because I didn't want to see all my friends in elementary school. At school, everything is money and clothes. I have a big cup, and it's terrible, and everyone laughs at me. A boy (I think he's in his second year of middle school) started chasing me. He called me by several names, arrested me, and spread rumors about me. One day he and his friends hit me on the bus. No one wants to be my friend anymore. I made friends with two girls in my class. 

They started shouting at me. Everyone started telling me how bad I was. In sixth grade, the bullying got worse. I was bad, so everyone said I was going to kill myself. When I was in the first year of middle school, my mother sent me to afternoon classes (my school has a full-time option). The kids in the afternoon class started bothering me. They chase after me, take my photo in the bathroom and send it to all schools. When I came home from school, I went to my room and cried all night. I tell everyone. I hadn't finished the exam when the teacher started talking to my parents.

They told me that I was lazy and refused to take part. They knew I was being bullied, but they didn't do anything to stop it. Everyone hates me and I have no friends. I want to tell everyone who has one thing in common: things are getting better. I thought it was very sad. This can be frustrating, but you have to believe in yourself. Keep them away from you. I know you suffer, but sometimes you have to brag about everything you've been through.

I have one lesson from this story and it is that those people have no idea what you’ve been through. They probably couldn’t even take it. But you had to take it. And you’re still here going on with your life. And that’s why you can be proud of yourself.

March 21/2021

On this day our family went to our clan reunion and it was a sad experience for me. I remember when my dad used to bring us in those family reunions that our family has, and as the reunion is commencing, I always feel confident to talk to my relatives and interact to people. Today everything is different and I don’t even feel that kind of confidence because my dad is not already in our touch and don’t even feel a part of our family clan anymore because my dad used to introduce us and my uncles and aunts usually accommodate us with a smile and ease. On that day I just felt the changes when you loose you father.

March 22/2021  

Today me and my friends got ourselves to have an a little bit of celebration inside MPLAZA and that day I was very happy, every time that me and my friends hangout I found my self to be happy and I forgot all the things and depressions that I have. Coincidentally I am really feeling so down because I remember again my father. When the time came that I feel I will cry my bestfriend called me and invited me if I want to join them because one of my friends is celebrating its birthday. I did not tell them that I am feeling down that day but that feeling faded because of the jokes and stories that we have. I am really thankful for them and I wish that I will be always be there for them

March 23/2021

Today I've finally made my decision to get my old dad's car to drive it going up to the parking lot of SM and drove It going to Pasacao Camarines Sur, and It was a very emotional time for me because my dad's car was stored inside to an auto repair shop for almost a month and I did it just to test the agility and strength of the car. I really love the car and it is a 1998 model Nissan Sentra manual transmission, I love it because I have so many memories of it from my dad and my family once decided to sell it because of the maintenance problems and loss of budget for it. Later then I rushed to the tomb of my dad and prayed and talk to him about how I love that car and I will cherish it for the rest of my life. My mom really supported me in fixing my dad's old car but only one broken part of the car per repair because of budget management and the cost of it. The car is the last thing that I have so that I can feel my father's presence because when I see that car, it reminds me of his presence which is I do not want to fade.

March 24/2021

Today early in the morning I drive my mom's car so that i can bring her to the supermarket and also help her to carry the bags. Today's system of buying for groceries to the supermarket is so different than last 2019. We are required to bring the E salvar QR code which is installed on our smartphone and to wear face shield and face mask. It is very difficult to carry the heavy bags because of the face mask that makes my breathing hard. I am really paranoid that time because my mam is having hard time to breath because we are carrying heavy bags and our faces are covered of the face mask and face shield. Fortunately my mom made it and we got to our little dinner with no harm. I've a lesson from what happen to me this day, it is to commit and have patience to help and do your responsibilities, even though there are obstacles and hardships in life, because there are people that are relying on you and you cannot afford to fail them or just to fail to be with them.

March 25/2021

The first day in the morning I got to our little dinner and I've seen my uncle which is having a very high blood pressure. My mom is really mad at him because my uncle is really stubborn because the doctors advised him to stop drinking alcohol and stop walking when it is very hot. A minute later my aunt called me from Hong Kong, she called my while she was crying because she is tired of sending money to our uncle, grandmother and other  uncle because all of them are stubborn and they are not listening to the advice of my aunt and my mom. Today I've realized that what ever the person did to you or whatever or how is a person to you, as long as you have a personal connection to him, you will always love them no matter what because that is a function of a family March 26/2021

On this day I have learned that teenagers need to be inspired to help their parents especially if they are a solo parent, because they are doing their best as a solo parent. Don’t count the things that you have done for your parents because they didn't list all of the things that they provide to you. Learn how to be cool if you fell that your parents is hurting you or sometimes wrong because after all they are just humans and they are not perfect 

[qlistening]

Happy Pandemic-iversary

What’s up ladies. It’s around the pandemic-iversary and as you all know, I have appointed myself as head of commenting on shit that has happened during the pandemic and it’s time for a quarterly update. 

If I had to guess, each and every one of you has gone one of two routes since the beginning of last year.

Route 1: Realizing that everything inherently cool and fun would be cancelled and quickly deciding that some factor like your mental health or the quality of your college experience was more important than the social/public health consequences of partying during the pandemic. If you’re feeling attacked right now, worry not party girl. That is not my intention. I myself am a founding member of the “anything to feel something” club and a staunch believer that if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will. 

Odds are that if you are in this group, you’re a wee bit entitled and/or your mental health is held together by a very thin thread. Taking away your regularly scheduled social interactions may have unboxed some demons that you would really like to tuck back in. I’m talking depression, anxiety, substance abuse, insecurity, issues with loneliness, etc.  You either used partying to slam the lid shut on that box, or like me, pulled out your demons, worked on them a little, and boxed them back up with more partying when you were over it. 

That’s growth baby! Nothing monumental, but you laid more groundwork for making it through your twenties than you would have otherwise AND you’re in a great position to reenter society when all this is over. Sure you were probably “on the wrong side of history”, but as long as you didn’t kill anyone, you will probably be able to live with yourself.

Route 2: The CDC said jump and you said “how high?”. These are my rule-following girly pops. My caring and empathetic girly pops. And of course, my girly pops who had inescapably valid reasons to avoid the rone at all costs. 

Your year has probably consisted of a mix of being infinitely proud of yourself for doing the right thing, infinitely frustrated with those who did not, and infinitely in denial about how much it sucked. You knew that the second you admitted to yourself that all of the whipped coffee, brisk walks, and zoom happy hours in the world were not going to be enough to keep you happy, you would fall into an inescapable cycle of depression that you had no hope of climbing out of in your isolated state. So you made up bullshit tasks to keep yourself occupied for an entire year.

You are a fucking hero for that, BUT your transition back into real life is not going to be easy. All of those little tasks that you invented have started to feel like legitimate priorities that you are having trouble distinguishing from your real responsibilities. You have to be prepared to let all of that deep cleaning and gourmet cooking go in exchange for going out to bars and showering more than twice a week. And just a tip from the pandemic party girl; socializing is not going to be fun and easy or any more stimulating than those made up tasks at first. But humans are social animals and you need to get in touch with whatever aspect of going out that you used to love so dearly. Whether that was making new friends, relentlessly pursuing some dick, showing off your cute outfits, sweaty dancing, or just getting fucked up, there was a reason you did this shit every weekend and you need to acknowledge it in order to connect with your former self.

Now that I have lumped you into these two different groups, it’s time to talk about the middle of the venn diagram: depression. Whether you hid from that shit at home or at He’s Not, odds are it caught up to you eventually. It was easy to predict that removing the majority of stimulation and fulfillment from life and throwing around the term “uncertain times” for a year would create a sub-pandemic of depressed ass bitches. 

I saw it coming from day one, but that only made it worse. Feeling your motivation and ability to find any means of generating serotonin slip away from you is a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone, yet have seen in almost everyone. I thought that seeing this shit coming would protect me from it and I was wrong. When it hit, I was consumed by the same sense of self loathing you feel when a boy fucks you over and you saw it coming, but didn’t have the strength to resist. 

Self loathing and emptiness are some raw fucking feelings and I hope to God that, at the very least, our shared experiences with these emotions has cultivated a broader sense of empathy in our cut-throat society. So far, that hunch has played out in the polls.

Empathy or no empathy, these feelings are still pervasive throughout the world and I’ll be damned if a single bitch with a marketing job was going to miss their chance to capitalize on this. With that, we have the birth of “wellness”. That world is honestly a trigger for me at this point because I, like many of you, was fooled into thinking it would be the antidote to depression. But what it really is is a well played scheme to sell things to people who are down bad and desperate to regain control over their health and well being. Believe me, I understand that this is a natural byproduct of capitalism, but there is something really insidious about an industry with marketing tactics that prey on people’s fear that something is wrong with them and offer them bullshit solutions to fix it.

Reading that back, I realize that is pretty much the textbook definition of marketing, but I’m standing by the fact that it is fucked up. Sorry if that offends anyone.

For all of you ladies who have been dropping bricks on supplements, jade rollers, and overpriced subscriptions to meditation apps, I am here to offer you a reality check. You do not need that shit. Don’t believe me? You don’t have to! Men are living proof that I am right. Most have never taken a vitamin, stretched, meditated, or eaten a vegetable besides corn and are literally fine.

If you want to partake in the wellness trend, fine, but don’t let that shit throw you into a state of body hyper-awareness where you manifest health problems just from worrying about them. Don’t reward the companies who did this to you with your money. And PLEASE do not pass up on the opportunity to do normal twenty-something fuck shit that would actually make you feel better for the sake of your made up health needs. 

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. There is plenty more to comment on, but I have to go outside and smoke my half cigarette before it starts to rain. See y’all next time I am bored enough to write one of these.

[lifeinexperiences]

America, the Abusive Partner

As a Victim Advocate, I have worked with many clients in toxic relationships, who know they are not in a healthy situation but also deeply love their abuser.  They are torn between wanting to leave and feeling guilty for even thinking of abandoning someone who needs them.  Once you have worked so hard on a relationship and invested so much in the other party, it can be very hard to let go. I feel much the same way about my current relationship with the Country where I live.  I hate the way it treats me, but I am not yet ready to leave.

In many ways, America is one of the greatest places in the world to live.  The safety, abundance and freedom are largely unmatched.  However, COVID-19 and our government’s mishandling of it has shown how drastically that can change.  We have all seen over the past few months that a series of bad decisions can effect every single one of us and risk all of our lives so quickly.  

The blunders our government has made are magnified by a large part of the population deciding not to take measures to keep others safe.  Many Americans have decided to risk other’s lives for their own immediate comfort.  Or worse, to use this issue to take a political stance.  Whether they are following the President and his selfish, deceitful messages or truly just do not believe in the potential this virus has to kill, I don’t know.  What I do know is that wearing a mask is scientifically proven to slow the spread and it is the least we can all do to keep each other alive.  

This year, my extended family won’t have our annual beach trip, which we have done every year of my life.  It wasn’t worth the personal risk to each of us, or the risk that we would in any way help this virus to continue to spread.  On social media, I have been hiding the profiles of friends who chose to visit public beaches, get on planes for vacation, or otherwise push back against the restrictions in place.  While I understand everyone’s desire to enjoy their summer and have a sense of normal, I believe we will all have to make big sacrifices to get through this.  And summer vacation is a much easier sacrifice for me than the lives of the people I love.  I won’t judge you for your decisions, but please know that many of us have given up a lot for the greater good.  

When my husband and I went to Japan in 2016, it was hard not to compare it to America.  I envied the cleanliness and lack of litter, the quiet on public transportation, and the consideration people showed to each other.  In Japan, there have been less than 1000 deaths due to COVID-19.  I’m sure many factors play into this, but one glaring difference is that when they were asked to wear masks the Japanese people all just put them on.  They already wear masks if they are sick, have bad breath, the pollen count is high, etc.  Out of consideration for each other, the Japanese people did not choose to see mask wearing as political, but as considerate and necessary.

In this country, police brutality, systemic racism and widespread discrimination already make it hard for many of us to feel safe.  This virus has proven there is also no equality or safety when it comes to our health.  While some parts of the world have come together to get through this, America has beat that same old drum of personal responsibility.  Accepting that we are all in this together is too big of a risk for the wealthy and those in power.  It would mean that things like universal health care, criminal justice reform and humane immigration laws are necessary, so that we can ALL be well.  And as a society, many don’t believe we all deserve to be well.  

I struggle with where to go from here.  I can let this make me hate the country where I was born and raised, and have experienced privilege and comfort in an endless list of ways.  I could try to find another Country to make my home and leave.  But to me that feels like defeat.  It would mean I’ve given up any hope of making this place better for the next generation and let those who seek to destroy what we’ve built win.  Instead, I will beg you, my friends, family and the internet at large to put on a mask in public.  To stay 6 feet away from each other and stay home when you can.  To take this seriously, because it truly is life or death for us all.  We are in this together and the only way out of this mess is to put each other first. 

[phoenixkaizen]

Just Like You

Summary: Prompt fic. Aizawa and All might in high school, and Aizawa is getting teased for being gay, Toshinori tries to cheer him up with cuddles Author's Note: Another prompt fill from tumblr! Alright so the title of this fic is the song title Just Like You by Louis Tomlinson. Louis is literally my favorite singer ever and I've been watching him since his X Factor days with One Direction. I tend to use his song titles in a lot of what I write. This song just seemed fitting for this scenerio. Warnings: Bullying, Homophobic slurs, talks of suicide but not by Shouta, language, a pissed off Toshinori, Enji is suddenly... niceish?

Faggot. Queer. Homo. You're disgusting. You deserve to die. Just do everyone a favor and kill yourself. Every single word constantly rang through Shouta's head as he walked the halls of U.A. Recently, he had accidentally came out to his class when they were talking about one of the pro heroes who had recently come out. It had slipped out before he could even catch himself. Ever since then, it seemed like the entire school knew of his sexuality. Now every step he took was followed closely behind by verbal abuse of so called heroes to be. Even members of other classes had gotten involved. Support, General, Business. Apparently it didn't matter. He was only in his first year. He had three more years of this torment. He was still the same Shouta that they knew before he had came out but now it was a complete one eighty. He had been isolated. He was already close to being an outcast for his quirk but now he was an outcast. Only five people remained by his side. His fellow classmates and friends, Oboro Shirakumo and Hizashi Yamada and his friend from Class 2-B, Nemuri Kayama. Lastly, his own boyfriend Toshinori Yagi from Class 3-A. The only people who knew of his relationship with Toshinori were his friends. Toshinori wasn't technically out of the closest but he didn't really care. Toshinori didn't care about who he was in a relationship with as long as if he loved them. Toshinori was the sun of Shouta's life. His smile couldn't lighten up a room. His laugh was contageous to those around him. Some day, Toshinori was going to be the Number One hero. Shouta knew it in his gut. Shouta just hoped that he would still be by Toshinori's side by then. He hasn't exactly told Toshinori about him being a target of the constant teasing and bullying. Hizashi and Oboro did their best within Class 1-A to keep them down at bay but some of them still managed to sneak by. Nemuri had been trying everything to keep Class 2-B off of his back but it also failed ninety percent of the time. Thank god, it was lunch time. No one ever messed with him during lunch because Toshinori sat with them along with Enji Todoroki. Cause for some god forsaken their rivalry in class came out in lunch too. Oddly enough, Enji knew of Shouta's sexuality but didn't say anything. All the Hellflame user said was who cares. His reaction had shocked him the most. Enji Todoroki should have been at the head of the teasing but instead he just sat with them and glared at others who even sent a wrong look in Shouta's direction. It was strangely comforting. Enji happened to be very intimating. He was broader than Toshinori is but Toshinori had height on him. Shouta should of known his luck was running out. Toshinori, Hizashi, and Oboro were deep in conversation about god knows what three sunshine people talk about. Enji occasionally threw in a comment while Nemuri ate in silence while scrolling through social media. Shouta held his book in front of his tray as he also ate in silence. A noise escaped him as his book was ripped from his hands. He turned to look at the culprit but a gasp left him as he felt a liquid cover splash over his head and down his body. He quickly identified it as soda from the stickiness it left behind. The other occupants of the table jumped up from their spots but froze as the boy from Class 3-B, Hiroto Terasaka, leaned down until he was eye level with Shouta. "Fags don't belong in hero society. They would never accept you. Why don't you drop out and go sell yourself on the corner like the whore you are." One the boy stopped talking, he turned his tray upside down and onto Shouta's head. Shouta held out his hands in front of him as he looked down at his lap in shock. Tears prickled his eyes as the older boy's words tore through him. The lunch room broke out into laughter as the teen chackled at his work. A loud crash caused Shouta to look back up. Toshinori now stood in front of him and the now empty tray that belonged to Terasaka was in the floor. Shouta couldn't see the blonde's face but just by Toshinori's body language he could tell the elder was livid. The laughter in the cafeteria fell to a dead silence. Shock and disbelief came to the faces of the other students as they looked at Toshinori and Terasaka. Terasaka sank underneath the piercing gaze from the blonde. "What the fuck did you just say?" Toshinori growled. Tersaka smirked. "I told the stupid little fag to go to the job that would fit him best, of course. He is a little slut after all." The teen said. Shouta watched in awe as Toshinori grabbed the other third year by the front of his uniform and jerked him forward. "You disgust me. You're supposed to be becoming a hero and you are tearing him down. For what? Being gay?" Every word was laced in venom as Toshinori spoke. Tersaka physically shook in Toshinori's hold as he tried to wiggle away from Toshinori's grip. "He's a little faggot. He doesn't deserve to be a hero." Toshinori chuckled and released Tersaka. The other teen falling to his bottom on the floor and his eyes locked onto Toshinori. Shouta held his breath as Toshinori gazed over his shoulder to the Erasure quirk user. "Shouta, how long as this been going on. By the look on your face. This isn't the first time." Shouta swallowed the lump in his throat. The normally soft blue eyes were now cold as ice. A frown covering his face that normally held the smile that would make Shouta's heart skip a beat. "Since Frostbite came out. My classmates were arguing over a gay man being a hero and I accidentally came out too." Shouta whispered, his voice shaking. The anger on Toshinori's face only grew deeper. "That was two months ago, Shouta. Who has been doing this to you?" Toshinori's voice was deep, almost coming out as a growl. Shouta shook his head. At this point, he didn't even know who it was. There was at least three people from each class. "It's almost every class in each year, Yagi-senpai." Hizashi said, the Voice user knowing that Shouta wasn't going to talk. "We've managed to keep our class off for the most part, but they still find a way." Oboro added, his voice laced in regret. Toshinori looked away from Shouta, his glare settling on the other occupants of the room. "You should be ashamed of yourselves." Toshinori stated, his voice raising as he looked out at the other students. "You are making fun of, teasing, bullying, assaulting a fifteen year old because he just so happens to like the same sex?!" Toshinori scoffed. "Within this school is over a hundred students that hope to be heroes one day. From what I just got told, even the hero course is involved in this villainous act." The blonde shook his head, climbing up onto the table that he had been formerly sitting at. "You want to be heroes?! How can you even call yourself a hero in training if you are acting like a villain?" Shouta looked out at the other students, watching the remorse and guilt cover most of their faces. He looked up at his boyfriend and whispered, "Toshi, please. Just leave it alone." The blonde looked down on him. "Absolutely not." He said, looking back out to the others. "Shouta Aizawa will be a hero and he will do it whether you like it or not. He was born to be a hero. I watch him work his ass off every single day after school. He has so much heart in him that he didn't even tell me about this." A smile came to the blonde's face, his gaze softening. "If you want to tease someone for being gay, well you better start coming after me too." Murmurs filled the cafeteria as Toshinori spoke. "I've been dating Shouta Aizawa for six months now. I met him before he started at U.A. and from the moment I saw him... I knew he is the person I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with. So if you want to act like a villain, do it to me. I will have absolutely no problem putting you in your place." Shouta's eyes widened as he watched Enji completely stand up, climbing up onto the table next to Toshinori. "I'm not gay but Yagi's right. This isn't right. Aizawa did absolutely nothing to any of you. As far as I'm concerned, you are nothing but villains. I want to be a hero, and Shouta is Yagi's boyfriend. I will protect him the same way I strive to beat Yagi for the Number One spot." Enji stated, his voice booming through the room. Hizashi, Oboro, and Nemuri all stood up and taking a spot in front of the two third years. "You'll have to go through us too. I'm not going to play nice anymore." Oboro hissed. "Be a villain. You won't last long here." Nemuri said, her normal sweet voice coming out harsh. Hizashi added, "I can't believe this is what U.A. has come too." Toshinori looked to the others with a smile. "You see, we belong to U.A. High, a pretigous school for heroics. If you want to be a hero, stop acting like someone who is different from you is beneath you. That's not who a hero is. At this moment, I'm disgusted that I even know some of you people." Toshinori said, hopping down from the table and standing in front of Shouta. "C'mon, let's go get you cleaned up." The blonde muttered, holding out his hand. Shouta smiled softly as he reached out and placed his hand in Toshinori's. He allowed the blonde to guide him out of the cafeteria and to the men's locker rooms. Neither of them said a word as Toshinori helped Shouta get out of his soaked uniform. The blonde hummed softly as he turned on one of the showers and scrubbed the food and soda out of the ebony locks. Toshinori didn't care as the water splashed onto his uniform as he continued to rub soothing circles into Shouta's scalp. "Why didn't you tell me, Shouta?" Toshinori questioned softly. Shouta shrugged with a sniffle. "I guess I was scared too. I don't know why. I thought I could handle it. I never meant for you to come out when you didn't want too." Shouta whispered, his voice shaking. Toshinori sighed, placing his thumb underneath Shouta's chin and forcing him to look up at him. "Shou, I don't care if anyone knows I'm gay. I'm still the same person I was before. If they want to treat me different than that's on them. I would shout it to the world that I'm stupidly in love with you." Toshinori said, using his other thumb to wipe off a stray tear that found it's way down Shouta's cheek. "I can't yell like Yamada-kun can but I would do it any day. You mean the world to me." Shouta gave a watery smile and leaned forward, placing his head against Toshinori's shoulder. "Thank you." Toshinori smiled, reaching over and shutting off the tap before pulling away from Shouta to hand him a gym uniform. "Now, put that normal scowl on your face and let's get back out there." Shouta nodded with a new found confidence. "Okay." x School was out for the day and Shouta laid in his bed with Toshinori next to him. The older teen held Shouta close to him, drawing random shapes into his back as Shouta cuddled closer. The ebony haired teen felt tears come to his eyes as the words from the bullies came back to his mind. Would it change now that the number one student in U.A. came out as gay. The same student that everyone was rooting for to be the Number One Hero. Toshinori just pulled him closer. "Don't let them get to you, Shou. They are nothing compared to you." The blonde muttered, placing a soft kiss into Shouta's hair. Shouta sighed. "It still hurts." Toshinori rubbed his hands over Shouta's back. "I know, Shou. For now, let's just lay here and forget the world. Even for a moment." Shouta smiled as he cuddled further into Toshinori. He craned his neck so he could see Toshinori's face. "I love you, Toshi." "I love you too, Shouta." Toshinori smiled, leaning forward and kissing Shouta deeply. The warmth of Toshinori's body against his, the feel of his arms wrapped around him, maybe just being held. It made him feel better, knowing that he had Toshinori by his side. Just Toshinori's smile told him that everything was going to be okay.

[gloamingdawn]

How do you find balance or "justify" playing a paladin of Eyr while also just bartending on the side? Do you ever feel the latter cheapens the former? Or is it all just good fun?

Forewarning, head canons and lore-bending abound!

So first and foremost I think it’s important to understand that Eyir is actually based off the Norse Pagan/Asatru entity of Eir who shows up in the poetic edda*. There’s still some scholarly contention over whether she was actually a fully a Goddess or just a Valkyrie. What is known is that regardless of deity status she was associated with medical skill and healing. 

Eyir was not the first leader of the Val’kyr in WoW lore, Helya was, and now they both have some control over realms in the Shadowlands and the dead that are chosen to go into them. My personal head canon is that prior to being set as the leader of the Val’kyr, Eir still was likely a Watcher of some kind and was associated with and worshiped for healing in order to bring her back in line with her real world counterpart. The Vrykul can use the Light, but they don’t call it that, and Blizzard isn’t likely to really expand on where that’s coming from -- but it is most apparent in the NPCs in Skold Ashil who are Priestesses of Eyir. Whether or not those abilities came before or after her ascendancy to leader of the Val’kyr is ???. 

When Lyn received the gifts of Eyir and officially became an “aspirant”, throwing her lot in with Eyir and taking on this role of being fully alive and  formally willing to help this Goddess advance her directive she definitely wasn’t a bartender. Lyn actively worked to become a fully realized and certified trauma surgeon -- she sees death in that profession frequently, and can ferry those chosen dead. So that’s the first aspect of what she feels like she’s supposed to be doing. Healing factors in here for the ones that live -- she does actively make sure her patients receive the best care for continued quality of life. 

The second aspect of being an actual, legitimate aspirant is you train, you fight, and you do your best to become the greatest female fighter of your generation. That’s a moving target of a goal, and It’s even weirder for elves with their long lifespans. What’s a generation for them? How many are actually left in her own generation after the Scourge plowed through and killed so many? Lyn doesn’t know, but she still goes to Skold Ashil to spar with the other aspirants because that really is a big factor in proving devotion. 

Through fighting with them and being around their culture, Lyn’s learned more about what they consider important. There are multiple feasts throughout the year for the various Watchers and Titan Keepers (their gods), and these are usually multi-day events of feasting and drinking. Their funerals are multi-day events of feasting and drinking -- there’s actually a world quest in Stormheim for a deceased Jarl where you get drunk, eat and brawl to honor him. Major events are celebrated by getting a bunch of people together to feast and drink. It’s an extremely common thread in how they come together as a society to get closer and, at times, heal through grief. 

The third aspect is following through with the original mission of Eyir and being a healer. Doing whatever it is she can to make people better -- and there’s a lot in that concept that is heavily up for interpretation on both the physical and mental spectrum. She’s also helping to “heal” the life to death transition where it hiccups by sending lingering ghosts on Azeroth back onto the correct path to the Shadowlands -- something I’ll be getting into more of as we get into that actual expansion. 

So, my justification for a paladin of Eyir to not only occasionally bartend, but also own a bakery on the side, is because it is ultimately part of her mission -- albeit the smallest piece.

Community events where she bar tends or helps host are functionally her people coming together to celebrate something. Folks come to them for a variety of reasons, and providing that space for social interactions can absolutely help people feel good and heal in different ways**. There’s an old trope about bartenders helping people mentally take a load off, and that’s something she likes. It’s very important to her to make sure that people enjoy life because they are always close to death, no matter how much they might not think it. 

Bartending also helped her heal, because it gave her people to be around, events to look forward to, places to be, and friends to be accountable to. Having died and come back really did a number on her, and she was chasing a permanent death there for a while herself because she didn’t feel “right”. 

So for her, and for me as her player, it’s all pretty heavily tied together. You can’t be an arbiter of death without recognizing and embracing the life that’s on the other side of the coin. Both are equally important. 

~~~

*the poetic edda came out in the 13th century well after the actual Viking Age so while it’s usually lauded as the main source of Viking material, it’s 100% not contemporary and we genuinely have very little clue how the actual peoples worshiped. 

**She does non-alcoholic drinks when she bartends too! I fully understand and recognize that alcohol is one of the most abused substances, so in RP I will always embrace folks who do not want their characters to drink booze. 

Thanks anon! 

[justgottafinishthischapter]

Tips on Writing LGBT Characters

As LGBT+ rights continue to make great strides in becoming normalized and accepted by widespread culture, LGBT people have started to pop up far more often in different forms of media. However, because LGBT people can vary wildly in experiences, locations, and beliefs, it can be tricky for someone to really have a good idea of what makes for good representation. Some would argue that it simply being acknowledged is enough, while others would argue that it needs to be a present part of the character, while others argue that it shouldn’t be the focus of the character and that their other traits should be emphasized on more. So, where should one start? Here are a few tips to lead the way.

If You Are Not LGBT, Do Not Make Your Story About Being LGBT - I’m not saying you can’t write an LGBT character if you yourself are not LGBT. A white person can’t really write a story about what it means to be black because it is an experience of life they have never experienced for themselves. If you want to write a story with an LGBT character, or better yet, a protagonist, that’s wonderful. But their sexuality, sex, or gender should not be a focal point of the narrative unless you know the experience first hand.

Not All People Use the Same Labels - Although the term queer is being reclaimed by some people in the LGBT community, there are those who still do not like the use of the word, and the same goes for other slurs. Like with the ‘n’ word for black people, some LGBT people feel fine using terms such as queer and fag when referring to themselves or friends who they know it doesn’t bother, but most LGBT people are mindful to remember that not everyone feels the same way about these harmful words.

Don’t Bury Your Gays - In the cinema that emerged from Hollywood following the censorship laws of the Hays Code in 1930, characters that were coded as homosexuals or otherwise ‘deviants’ from the social norm were punished, often with death. Themes of self-loathing were common, and it became extremely common for one or both members of a suspected homosexual couple in a movie to be killed by the end of the story, if not be portrayed as a sick monster or villain by the end. If they weren’t gunned down, their self-loathing boiled over and they took their own lives. So, if the only LGBT character in your story dies, consider killing off a different character, due to the particularly dark and troubled history of this trope. On a related note, if you’ve written a villain to be campy and effeminate in order to make them funny or look silly, you are once again playing into harmful stereotypes due to the frequency with which stereotypical homosexual behavior is used to code villains in order to make these behaviors look wrong and villainous.

Understand the Difference Between Stereotypical and Nuanced - In the public eye, the stereotype of the gay male is that he is campy and effeminate with a lack of interest in traditional masculinity, and that the lesbian female skins wild animals and fixes broken appliances with the same vigor she plays softball and chugs beer. However, it is fair to point out that some of this is truth in television, and there are people in the world who are just as stereotypical if not more-so than these depictions. So, where is the line between stereotypes and realistic characters? The difference comes in how it is intended. If the audience or reader is meant to laugh at the character because oh ha a man shouldn’t act like that, then the portrayal is harmful and stereotypical. If the only defining characteristic of the character is that they are LGBT, then that is not a well-written character. Being LGBT does not dictate one’s interests or hobbies. But don’t feel compelled to write the exact opposite of the stereotype either. Effeminate gay men are people too, and although they flood the media perception excessively, there’s still a difference to be found between a character written to be gay, and a character who just happens to be gay.

A Character’s Surroundings Will Impact Who They Are - Two gay men could be completely identical in every single way but end up extremely different due to a simple change in hometown. Aside from universal experiences such as coming to terms with one’s sexuality or the coming out process, not all LGBT people are going to be met with the same challenges or the same opportunities. Take for example a gay boy in high school. Imagine him going to a public school in New York City or Los Angeles where the mindset tends to be more liberal and the population size is far larger. In a school with a student body of 300,000 students, he’s far more likely to go to school with other LGBT people based simply on population density and statistics. He’s far more likely to get a boyfriend from his own school, be part of an at least decently sized Gay Straight Alliance, and can probably come out with less fear of rejection on the whole. Now compare and contrast to someone living in a small town in Wyoming. On the whole, Wyoming is one of the least populated states in America. That exact same gay boy may now find himself one of only maybe a small handful of LGBT people. If there’s only one other guy in his school or even worse, his town who also likes boys, the two may very well almost force themselves into a relationship in order to satisfy a need for physical or emotional intimacy. By the time they go away to college, they may have already clung to each other so much that it’s easier just to keep the relationship going than to try to find somebody new. Skip ahead a few more years, and they may have a very rocky marriage held together on the sole grounds that at one point in their lives, they were each other’s only options for romance, and that them both being LGBT was not enough to hold a relationship together. Taking these kinds of elements into consideration when constructing a narrative with an LGBT character can yield compelling stories if examined under the right circumstances.

The Pitfalls of Dating - As if backlash from society, faith, and media portrayal aren’t bad enough, one of the most annoying parts of being gay can be finding a partner. Continuing with the school example from before, imagine that in a class of 180 that 13 students are LGBT, of those, 6 are males, your gay male character and his only five options for a potential boyfriend. Factor in the possibilities of incompatible interests, physical attraction, and even popularity, and of those five options, he may only have eyes for one guy in the entire school. Then, what can he do when he finds out the only guy he’s interested in is already with someone else? Well he’s left with three options: try a different school, hope someone comes out of the closet, or get comfortable with being alone. This can also put a lot more pressure on the anxiety of asking someone out. If a straight guy asks a girl out, even if she rejects him, he’s got another 60 girls he could pursuit. When there’s only 5 guys available, and there’s a realistic chance that the ones he finds attractive won’t be interested in him, there’s a lot more lost if he dares ask his crush out and gets rejected. There’s also the fact that especially straight men may get angry and possibly even hostile should a gay guy express romantic interest in them, to the point where some gay men may feel afraid to ask a guy out unless they can either get a good feel for whether he’s likely to respond that way, or a clear sign that the man is a homosexual.

Coming Out Is A Deeply Personal Decision - A sort of unspoken cardinal rule among LGBT people is essentially, “Thou Shalt Not Out Thy Community”. Outing someone else is a taboo within LGBT culture, due to the sensitive nature of the topic, and because some may be at risk of their home lives or work lives being compromised by this information getting out, and others just don’t feel like sharing this aspect of their lives with others. Thus outing someone else, especially intentionally, is considered to be a very egregious offense.

Transgender and Drag are not the Same Thing - A transwoman is a woman who was Assigned Male At Birth and a transman is likewise a man who was Assigned Female At Birth. A Drag Queen is a man who dresses in women’s clothing as a form of entertainment. A Transwoman is a woman. A drag queen may use female pronouns on the stage, but when the dress comes off, the man underneath is still a man and still identifies as  man. A Transwoman is a woman no matter what kind of clothes she’s wearing or what she looks like.

[nunonabun]

If you don't mind answer (Since I'm loving you digging into other answers you give!) What do you think about the show's seemingly Anti-Adoption standpoint? Even when it's for the best interest of the child, or the mother's insistent on it, they seem to do everything they can to convince the mother otherwise. Even when the mother couldn't afford the child at all, and had a home lined up for them, they talked her out of it.

Thank you for the question! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to, I wanted to attempt a thorough answer but I had a lot going on, so it got a tad forgotten in the drafts.

Your ask is quite a toughie. I don’t know that I’d actually characterize the show as having an anti-adoption viewpoint, I think the show is often trying to be conscious of the way class and other social structures interacted with the adoption system at the time, while also trying to deal with other issues adoption raises. I think sometimes they do well with that, but sometimes, while trying to shine a light on one thing, they manage to fall into other biases. I’ll put the rest under a ‘read more’ as this did get a biiiit long.

Class had (and has, really) a big role in adoption, and views of who “deserved” to be a parent often had harmful impacts. It’s a complicated and difficult subject, and there are lots of factors that can come into play in each case, but shame and other pressures were often usedto essentially force poor and/or single mothers to give up children. Some children were outright taken from the biological mother (or couple, in some cases, though overwhelmingly judgement landed on single women) that wanted them and were trying to keep them. The choice wasn’t really a free choice as they often weren’t given the support they would need in order to make keeping the child a viable option for them, nor were they given support in thoroughly thinking through all of their options and deciding what they truly want. Also, young, single, working-class women were generally condemned for becoming pregnant and were often pressured to give the child up so that they could be given to a ‘better’ family (i.e. middle-class straight couple. Having a British background & being Christian did also come into it).  

Another aspect of portraying adoption is contending with the bias that a ‘real’ family is biological; that there’s some kind of innate bond between people who are biologically linked that is not present between those who aren’t (I’m going to call this the ‘biology bias’ for convenience’s sake). The elements of classism and biology bias (and bias against single parents, homophobia, racism, etc.) can interact in complex ways. Trying to realistically portray negative aspects of the adoption system that aren’t often talked about can result inseemingly playing into the ‘child should stay with their real family’ prejudice. Or it can both critique the class bias and buy into the biology bias. The latter case often takes the form of ‘well I guess the adoptive couple is providing a promising future for the child, it’s just a shame that it comes at the cost of a deeper/truer love, as the child would have had with the bio family’ in media portrayals. Or sometimes the inverse can happen (undercutting the biology bias but accepting the class bias) and you get an attribution of blame instead of an examination of how people are constrained by their situations in a way that couldbe resolved with good social supports, à la ‘those (lower-income) people were just bad parents who don’t deserve a child, the child should be given to a good (middle-class) couple.’ And plenty of other complex issues arise when the axes of race & nationality, physical & mental differences, gender, etc. come into play. It’s really a hard thing to navigate and communicate all of the elements that are wrapped up in adoption, and I’d say portrayals are often in the grey zone.

To disentangle the elements in CtM’s portrayals of adoption, I’m going togo ahead and take a little look at all of the examples of adoption in the show and try to examine what they’re aiming for and what I think they convey. Please feel free to point out if I’ve missed one or if you think I’ve missed elements of one portrayal or have misconstrued things. Strap in guys, this is hecking long. Or jump down to the Tl;dr, that’s fine too.

First, in 1x02, we have Mary, the Irish girl who came to London, was taken advantage of and pressured into prostitution and became pregnant. Jenny tries to help her, but as she is single, poor, still a child herself, and a prostitute, the child is removed from Mary (and in episode 4 we discover that that has seriously mentally scarred her, resulting in her taking someone else’s child in an attempt to regain what was taken from her.) Here we see pretty much exactly what I was talking about above. Society saw Mary as morally unfit (as being poor, a prostitute, and single & pregnant were judged to be personal failures/sins, and there was additional prejudice against Irish people), so there was no safety net for her, no public services provided so that she, even as poor and young as she was, could realistically raise the child if she wanted to. You could say it might be unjust to leave the child with Mary, given her circumstances, but I think CtM is showing that her circumstances didn’t have to be what they were. If she wasn’t judged so on a moral basis, she wouldn’t be condemned to continue in those circumstances and she wouldn’t have had her child taken from her against her will. If she had been given a free choice and support in making it and carrying it out, she may have kept the child or she may have given it up, but either way, the outcome for Mary wouldn’t have been as terrible as it was.  

The second case we see is Doris Aston, in 3x02. Doris is married and has a few children already, and reveals that her current pregnancy is likely the result of an affair with a black man. Obviously, her husband (who is white) will know she was unfaithful when the child is born, and she and the child will be at risk as her husband is abusive (it’s revealed throughout the episode that he is controlling and aggressive, even prior to learning of his wife’s infidelity.) In the end, the child (who Doris names Carole) is taken out of the house, with the husband threatening to kill Carole if she remains. Carole is taken to the Turners’ to foster and then sent on to her middle-class adoptive family.This episode is meant to shine a light on another pressure that results in women not having a free choice in life, particularly around sexuality and children. Divorce was heavily stigmatizedat the time, and it wasn’t easy for a woman to get a divorce from her husband if he didn’t agree to it, especially if the couple already had children together. Therefore, if a woman was unhappy in a marriage, or even suffering abuse, there wasn’t much recourse for her. Yes, in this situation Doris did cheat, but the circumstances of that are complicated. What’s more, as a result of it, she doesn’t really have a free choice in whether to keep her daughter (and sons) and leave her husband (which she wanted) or stay and work it out either with or without Carole. The only real choice she has is to give the child up and hope her husband a) doesn’t find and hurt the baby, b) isn’t violent towards her as a result of him learning about her infidelity, and c) that she can bury her emotions around Carole and essentially pretend she never existed/died at birth. So the episode is seeking to portray the way women, especially working-class women, were unjustly constrained; forced into choices they would not freely have made. Race is touched on only briefly, in that it’s the element that renders Doris’ infidelity evident, and also a mixed-race child is more difficult to place within the adoption system. This isn’t really explored much, as Carole is quickly adopted and we don’t actually really see how her being mixed affects this.An element of this episode that I think they mishandled was buying into the ‘true family is bio family’ prejudice via their attempt to portray the injustice Doris faced and sympathize with her. This mainly comes in near the end of the episode, where they reinforce the idea that Doris is Carole’s ‘real’ mother. Doris herself worries that Carole “won’t know I’m her mother,” and Sister Julienne says “If Carole searches for her mother one day, hopefully records will bring her to us,” Here I think the norm of just saying “mother” as though the adoptive mother Carole will have isn’t really her mother, is partially just because they’re showing that Doris does feel she is Carole’s mother and doesn’t actually want to give her up, however it does play into the biology bias. This is deeply reinforced when Vanessa Redgrave chimes in with a “[Doris] trusted in God that Carole would have a good life with good people who would give her the future she couldn’t. More than anything, she wished she could have kept her because whatever anyone else might feel, it couldn’t be what Doris felt. Her daughter was of and from her. They were a part of each other and always would be.” That could generously be interpreted as Mature Jenny just conveying what Doris believed, but even so, there’s a heavy narrative buy-in to that message, and the message is clearly ‘Doris wanted to keep her daughter and ought not to have been forced to give her up. Biology and gestation result in an inherent, unbreakable bond that cannot be replicated and it is therefore regrettable that Carole had to be given to a family that - though financially secure, potentially kind, and distant from the threat of violence - lack that bond.’ That message again seeks to convey the injustice of Doris’s situation and sympathize with her pain, but in doing so, it implies that adoptive families lack this deep, automatic bond forged via biology and are therefore inherently weaker. They may provide a more materially promising future for the child, but unfortunately, they aren’t as ‘true’ a family as a biologically linked one.Furthermore, Jenny says “[The adoption agency worker] spoke as though Doris had no link at all with her baby,” and notes that the adoptive parents requested no ongoing contact. These elements reinforce the portrayal of the adoption as cold and insufficiently recognizant of how the baby is ‘actually’ the biological mother’s. This bit is difficult, as Carole is not not Doris’s, and it’s totally fair for Doris to grieve for the loss of her daughter. Also, cutting off contact, not allowing any connection at all to the child’s birth family was commonly done and can be a very harmful practice. The adoption agency (and society at large) certainly thought Doris had no moral right to see Carole, as she chose to have an affair and is therefore a Bad Woman and a Bad Mother, and that is justly critiqued by the show. But I think, in this episode, the show is rather clumsy in its portrayal of this complex situation, and manages to imply that the adoptive family (and mother in particular) are kind of interlopers who are only a solution to a problem as opposed to being a potentially very loving family that is just as true of a family as a biological one. Where this reading is a bit shaken is that this is the start of the foreshadowing that the Turners will end up adopting a child, and their fostering of Carole for the night before she is adopted is shown in a very positive light. The whole scene is loving and sweet, and positive comments are made about Carole’s adoption (though sympathy is also extended to Doris.) So it’s a bit of a mixed bag, this episode. Overall I think that it does a good job with the class and sexism elements, but a poor job with handling the biology bias.

The third time adoption is portrayed (3x06), it’s more of a subplot that serves to introduce Shelagh and Patrick to the idea that adoption could be the answer to their desire to expand their family. Colin Monk, Tim’s friend, is revealed to be adopted. Learning this immediately prompts Shelagh to propose that she & Patrick pursue adoption to continue building their family. She comments: “I really don’t believe I’d have to carry a child inside my body for it to feel like ours. If I felt that, it would mean that loving Timothy has taught me nothing.” This is a firm rebuttal of the biology bias and it nicely links step and adoptive families, explicitly espousing a positive perspective on both.The episode does touch on the class & religious aspects too. Shelagh says that the adoption charity she went to was the Church of England Childrens’ Society, and notes: “I think they quite like the idea of us, a GP and a retired midwife. (…) As the lady [at the adoption agency] said, the children have already got off to a sorry start in life, they need the very best parents the agency can find them.” So, again, the show is bringing up the normative judgements around parenting, and the idea that a (straight) professional couple where the mother stays home is deemed morally deserving of children.The end of this episode also sees Patrick getting antsy about the conditions of adoption, correctly foreseeing that (in 3x07) his mental health struggles will cause the agency to deem him less deserving of a child (so here’s ableism coming in to play too.)Overall, I think these episodes did a good job with the adoption plot. They push back against the biology bias while also subtly highlighting who is deemed socially worthy of children in terms of class and health.

Fourth there’s 3x08, wherein the Turners adopt Angela. Here, the portrayal is overwhelmingly positive, with pretty much all of our excitement and sympathies going to the Turners, who are meeting their daughter for the first time. They’re excited about the news that they’re going to become parents in much the same way we see people on the show excited about an impending birth. Holding Angela for the first time (particularly with respect to Shelagh) is treated as having as much weight and love as any parent being handed their biological baby. Particularly, In The Mirror plays, a musical theme that has been used to score previous momentous transformations in Shelagh’s life (and Patrick’s, as those changes are often linked), Patrick says “here’s your mummy,” and Shelagh says “we have a daughter.” For me, that is slightly undercut by Shelagh saying “This is the closest I’m ever going to get to giving birth.” This implies that the experience is kind of a consolation prize, as close as they can get to what they’d ideally want; for Shelagh to carry and give birth to a child that is biologically theirs. I don’t think that’s necessarily what they meant to imply - especially given all the talk before and in later episodes about loving Angela as much as if she were biologically theirs - but that’s how that line read to me. But again, that is largely overwhelmed by the positive tone and emotions portrayed in that scene.Switching into the consideration of the other end of the equation, the biological mother, we have a very interesting choice to comment on the deeply uncomfortable situation that led to Angela becoming a Turner. When Patrick asks what she knows about the situation, Shelagh says: “Hardly anything, just that the mother is only 16 and she was meant to be taking the baby home with her, but at the last minute her parents changed their minds.” Timothy, always involved in the family building (another strong element of the portrayal) says “That’s terrible,” and Patrick reprimands him with a slightly curt “Tim.” Shelagh says, “That’s why they want a speedy settlement, to spare further trauma for those involved.” We, the viewers, are excited and happy about the Turners adopting, and then we’re hit with this slight insight into the other side of the equation. Though “our” family is getting its happy outcome, that results from a terrible thing having happened to a young, single girl (‘Miss Jones’.) We don’t know the class differential here, so there’s not much to work with, analysis-wise, on that front. Here, it’s more that Miss Jones doesn’t really have the option to contradict her parents in this society, which results in her being forced to give up the child she wanted to keep. So again the show highlights the lack of choice women (and girls) had, and hints at the moral judgements around who is worthy of being supported in their parenting project. Interestingly, this actually puts Shelagh (and Patrick, to some degree, though the whole plot really focusses more on Shelagh’s motherhood, which is a whole other discussion) a bit in the moral grey, as her (their) desire to have a child causes them to kind of callously brush past the injustice their daughter’s biological mother faced. Though that is slightly tempered by Shelagh noting that it’s felt that doing this all quickly is the least traumatic option, having her convey this information as they’re all rushing to pick up Angela really gets across how the injustices on the bio mother’s side of the picture just kind of get glossed over in the focus on joy of the adoptive family. We don’t take that bit more time to consider what actually results in the best outcome for all involved. That’s an interesting counterpoint to 3x02, where the adoptive family’s love and joy is glossed over by our focus on the sorrow and pain of Doris Aston. I would say though that 3x08 does a bit better at integrating all these elements, as the hurried discussion of the bio mother is, I think, clearly meant to bring us up short and make us consider that there are elements of injustice in this situation, whereas 3x02 doesn’t really give us much positive about the adoptive family. The following episode does give us some balance too, showing the Turners worrying about Angela’s biological mother while still clearly maintaining that Angela is as loved as she would be if she was biologically theirs. Shelagh and Patrick reflect on this together and with Timothy, and the ensemble decision is to send a letter to Angela’s biological mother (though administrative structures make it uncertain that the letter will reach her), giving her some closure as to what happened to the child she gave up. This serves to send the message that communication in the process of family-building is important, while also remaining grounded in a time where it was generally held that the best thing to do in an emotionally difficult situation was to not talk about it.

In the following episode, the Christmas special, we get the mother and baby home, which switches gear firmly into focussing on the judgement placed on unmarried women who become pregnant (especially young women) and the abuses these women (and girls) faced in the institutions they were sent to. First, there’s the fact that these institutions existed, largely tucked away to reinforce that falling pregnant outside of marriage is shameful and needs to be hidden. Then there’s the medical neglect within the home, the only staff being the Nonnatus volunteers and the drunken matron who runs the place. We see one case briefly where a baby is basically ripped from a young woman/girl who was not yet ready to say goodbye. Of our two main cases, we have one woman who decided to keep the baby though she was initially aloof and uncaring, and one who was totally comfortable giving the baby up and does so. I think a strong point of the episode was pointing out that whole Mother & Baby Home system is a result of and in many ways a reinforcement of the shaming and punishment of young, often poor, unmarried mothers for what was deemed a personal failing. We see this explicitly with Tim’s comment about “moral contagion,” wherein he’s voicing/testing out/subtly criticizing the mainstream view of the time. In England at the time, society operated on the idea that treating these women like any other pregnant women would be endorsing their sin/personal failing, and that would lead to a whole epidemic of this sort of thing, which would obviously be bad. So the episode as a whole is bringing that to light and critiquing it and the actions that resulted from it.On to the two main cases. One is a young woman/girl who decides to give her bio son up for adoption, saying that she’s happy to think that he’ll have a good life with people who love and want him and it’s the right choice for both of them. She is shown to have a supportive mother, indicating that sometimes, the choice was freer. The narrative is telling us that there were cases where - in spite of wider social prejudice against unmarried mothers - keeping the child would have been a viable option, but the bio mother decided that wasn’t what she wanted/what she judged to be the best outcome of the situation, and this is a perfectly fine choice to make.My feelings on the portrayal of the other young woman/girl are a bit more mixed. On the one hand, yes sometimes someone is totally set on giving up a child but their mind changes when confronted by the reality of the newborn. However, this storyline is a bit of an iffy trope and I think using it requires some delicacy. It’s very easy to fall into the ‘it’s your child and you will and ought to have a unique, automatic bond with it,’ which places a judgement on women who don’t automatically feel that bond, whether or not they want that child and whether or not they ultimately decide to keep that child. That normative view of bonding downplays the work that goes into bonding with a child and implicitly judges those whose bond is not automatic, as well as implying that there is a sort of bond that is exclusive to the person who gives birth to the child. On the plus side, that storyline directly contradicts the idea that these young women/girls don’t deserve to be mothers, and that is a point in its favour.On the whole, though I disagree with the ‘automatic bond’ portion of the one storyline, the episode benefits from having multiple storylines highlighting different elements within the overall focus on pregnant, unmarried young women/girls and the injustices they suffered as a result of sexism.

Sixth, we get the case of Marnie Wallace and Dot (and Eugene) Spenlow. Marnie and Dot are cousins, the former is poor, the latter is more middle-class. Marnie is pregnant and her husband has died fairly recently. She’s struggling with how she’s going to provide for this child as well as the children she already has. The main option is to give the child to Dot and her husband, who very much want a child but cannot have one biologically. This gets uncomfortable as Dot offers Marnie financial support on the condition that Marnie gives them the baby when it’s born. Marnie does this but is clearly unhappy about it. When we see Dot and Eugene with the baby, they seem fairly uncomfortable with caring for it/aren’t going about it as Marnie would, though they are happy. Marnie decides she can’t live with this and takes the baby back, and though Dot and Eugene are upset, they come to accept this and give her all the stuff they bought for the baby. I’m not entirely sure what the episode was going for. There’s the theme of poor women being forced to give up children out of financial necessity (lack of resources & support made available to them), and there’s the theme of family pressuring a woman to make certain decisions about her children. I think they were trying to highlight class dynamics, and that resulted in the episode portraying a more middle-class part of a family directly preying on a poorer family member and taking her child. My discomfort with that (and I think it’s a discomfort that many viewers had) is not around Marnie not deserving to have the support she needs to raise a child that she truly wants. Portraying class struggles has always been an important element of this show and a praiseworthy one. The reason this episode drew some criticism (at least, on tumblr), I think, is that the portrayal of the couple who cannot biologically have children feels malicious. It feels like the message being sent is that there’s something virtuous about being able to have children even when you “have nothing but love,” whereas the barren couple is materialistic, not naturally good at parenting like someone who can bear children and inherently unable to provide the love that the bio mum could give the baby. That Dot practically bribes Marnie to give her the baby borders on a caricature and makes me question why it was written this way, as opposed to, say, having Dot and Eugene being portrayed more sympathetically (i.e. not bribing Marnie, offering her help) and perhaps having Marnie struggle to communicate with them that she feels pressured into a choice that she’s not comfortable with. While the situation that was portrayed isn’t wildly out there in terms of things that could and probably do happen within families, the predatory portrayal of the Spenlows seems to condemn them for being unable to have children that are biologically theirs. And that’s not a super great message to send.Oh yeah, and Tom has some feelings about the fact that he was adopted. That part of the episode felt quite tacked on. I think they were trying to communicate that a person who was adopted may have complicated feelings about the circumstances leading to their adoption when they grow up. How do you process a situation in which your biological mother was forced to give you up, but you love and were & are very happy with your adoptive family? What if you just don’t know the circumstances in which you were given up but fear they were traumatic for your biological mother/family? I think those are all very good questions to explore and I would love to see the show do a good job of exploring them. This episode wasn’t it. Putting Tom questioning those things against the backdrop of Marnie and Dot, the negative message of their story casts a shadow over those questions such that, instead of really exploring them, you’re left with the feeling that the show is saying ‘yeah, that was probably a bad thing that you weren’t raised in your biological family.’ I think they tried to provide balance to this by having Tom maintain that he loved his family and had a very normal childhood and he didn’t even think about the fact of his adoption, but I don’t think it worked. I also think that positioning ‘I didn’t even question that I was adopted and never thought about the circumstances of my birth & bio parents’ as the sign of a positive outcome of adoption is problematic. A person can be curious about and care about their bio family and the circumstances that led to their adoption without that being a slap in the face of their adoptive family or a sign that they were/are unhappy/unsatisfied with their adoptive family. Overall, though there were a few good elements to this episode… it was a bit of a trainwreck.

Seventh, there’s the 2018 Christmas Special. In this episode, we get the case of Anthea (Tillerson) Sweeting, who was abused by her father throughout her life and was then turned out by her family when she became pregnant as a result of the abuse. She subsequently formed a family of her own composed of some children who are biologically hers, as well as some who are adopted and some who she (and her husband) are fostering. There is also the case of Linda & Selwyn, a couple living in a caravan who are preparing for the birth of a baby who is not biologically Selwyn’s. Their arc largely involves Linda escaping the cycle of self-blame and accepting that the man she loves and who loves her is fully committed accepting the child as his and continuing forward as a family. With both of these cases, the biology bias is directly contradicted. With the Tillerson/Sweeting situations, we compare a family where the biological father was abusive and the biological family as a whole failed to protect the children (though there are nuances as to the mother’s responsibility in a situation where she too was suffering abuse) to a strong, loving family where the degree of biological relatedness varies. Then with Linda & Selwyn, you have a family where the biological father is not in the picture and the non-biological father is shown to be loving and supportive and very likely a good father. The episode as a whole strongly communicates that it is the choice to love and the continued commitment to one another that makes a healthy family.  

Eighth and finally, we have the 2018 Christmas Special. I’m not going to go into the whole of May’s situation and its portrayal because there’s much to go into about fostering and, while fostering is related to adoption, it’s really a whole topic of its own. There’s also a discussion that could be had about religious institutions and their role in adoption, but that would really go into the role they have in childbirth as well and that is just a whole big other conversation we could have about the show. Also, frankly this reply is long as heck already and a million high fives to you if you’ve stuck with me this far. In this episode, we go to the Nonnatus Mother Ship House and learn that apparently, they run an orphanage. Sister Winifred has a nice storyline with a boy who has disabilities and is therefore unlikely to be adopted. It is shown that children like this were often pushed to the sides and not given the care they needed to flourish. They were also far less likely to be adopted because they have different needs from children without disabilities, so they’re not what people seek when adopting (or hope for when giving birth.) This was a strong point of the episode, as it highlights the ableism in society more generally and specifically within family-building and childcare. Then we have May, who is part of a group of orphans from Hong Kong whose adoptive parents do not show up to pick her up because the prospective father gets TB, so the Turners decide to take her to live with them as a foster child. We learn that May’s biological mother was a prostitute and struggled with addiction and that though she tried to keep May, in the end she couldn’t manage to care for her in the situation she was in. There’s lots going on here in terms of class, addiction, sex work, and international adoption (especially, in this case, the power differential between Hong Kong (a British colony) and the UK (the colonial power in this equation.)) Later in the episode (or possibly in the series), it’s mentioned that May isn’t fluently anglophone and the Turners will have to work on her English with her, but other than that, questions of race, culture, etc… aren’t really touched on. I hold out some hope that these will come up in the upcoming series but I think they could have been introduced a bit in this episode/series. Also on the subject of international adoption, we have the sad (and sadly mishandled) story of the Australian home children. These children were sent to Australia (and other Commonwealth countries) for adoption, but were actually treated more as a source of free labour on farms. We actually did see this mentioned at the end of a much earlier episode (4x01), where four children were left mostly alone in conditions of abject squalor due to a neglectful mother (that was pretty much played straight, we don’t really gain much insight as to what her story was) and after Nonnatus helps them, they’re sent off to Australia where they suffer further abuse. And this is repeated here, the pregnant woman in question loitering around the Mother House trying to gain the courage to enter the last place she was happy as a child and talk about the abuse she suffered when she was sent out from the orphanage within this program. I think there’s a positive to this, in that it’s shedding light on a dark aspect of history, but it seems like there may have been a larger point/concern they were trying to make about international adoption programs and the positives and negatives therein that just didn’t land.So overall, there was a lot going on in this episode, some positive elements around tackling ableism in adoption and orphanage care, and some missed elements in relation to international adoption programs.

Tl;dr (and it’s perfectly fine if you jump down here bctbh I wrote a whole freaking tome up there): Dismantling the notion that someone isn’t a “true” parent or isn’t “truly” a person’s child because there’s no biological link is massively important, as is dismantling the notion that you have this instant “natural” connection with your biological child (in terms of what that implies about non-genetic families, the judgement it holds about people who don’t bond instantly with their biological child, and that it erases the work of bonding.) Dismantling the biases about biological connections is helpful in pushing back against a variety of harmful views both within the context of families and family-building, and more broadly. (I’ve actually done some research into essentialist biases around genetics/”blood” and have some interesting papers on it, so please message me if you’re curious and would maybe like to nerd out about it.)

That being said, it’s also important to remember that not all of the choices around adoption are made freely. As with any form of family building, the social structures surrounding it shouldn’t be ignored. At the time, and even now, class, what is considered morally acceptable in a society, and family structure ideals all play into why children are removed from birth families, and which adoptive families they are placed with. They play a large role in who is given support in making, growing and sustaining a family, and who isn’t. Those structures largely favour(ed) straight, Christian, middle-class couples of British backgrounds and judged as worse or less deserving (or completely undeserving) gay, single, non-Christian and/or working-class people of non-British backgrounds.

It’s a really tricky subject, and trying to communicate that biology isn’t what makes you a parent while also showing how harmful the adoption process could be and how rooted it was (is) in unjust social norms & structures is important. I don’t think CtM always nails it, but I think the show benefits from tackling the subject multiple times, from some variety of perspectives, and with efforts at nuance.

[midnightphoenixdream]

Just Like You

Hey everyone! fallenangelofhades/midnightphoenix dream here! So my original blog got terminated for whatever reason. I’m reposting all my prompts I had received from my fluff prompt post. I believe this one was from an anonymous user. 

Summary: Prompt fic. Aizawa and All might in high school, and Aizawa is getting teased for being gay, Toshinori tries to cheer him up with cuddles Author's Note: Another prompt fill from tumblr! Alright so the title of this fic is the song title Just Like You by Louis Tomlinson. Louis is literally my favorite singer ever and I've been watching him since his X Factor days with One Direction. I tend to use his song titles in a lot of what I write. This song just seemed fitting for this scenario. Warnings: Bullying, Homophobic slurs, talks of suicide but not by Shouta, language, a pissed off Toshinori, Enji is suddenly... niceish?

Faggot. Queer. Homo. You're disgusting. You deserve to die. Just do everyone a favor and kill yourself. Every single word constantly rang through Shouta's head as he walked the halls of U.A. Recently, he had accidentally came out to his class when they were talking about one of the pro heroes who had recently come out. It had slipped out before he could even catch himself. Ever since then, it seemed like the entire school knew of his sexuality. Now every step he took was followed closely behind by verbal abuse of so called heroes to be. Even members of other classes had gotten involved. Support, General, Business. Apparently it didn't matter. He was only in his first year. He had three more years of this torment. He was still the same Shouta that they knew before he had came out but now it was a complete one eighty. He had been isolated. He was already close to being an outcast for his quirk but now he was an outcast. Only five people remained by his side. His fellow classmates and friends, Oboro Shirakumo and Hizashi Yamada and his friend from Class 2-B, Nemuri Kayama. Lastly, his own boyfriend Toshinori Yagi from Class 3-A. The only people who knew of his relationship with Toshinori were his friends. Toshinori wasn't technically out of the closest but he didn't really care. Toshinori didn't care about who he was in a relationship with as long as if he loved them. Toshinori was the sun of Shouta's life. His smile couldn't lighten up a room. His laugh was contageous to those around him. Some day, Toshinori was going to be the Number One hero. Shouta knew it in his gut. Shouta just hoped that he would still be by Toshinori's side by then. He hasn't exactly told Toshinori about him being a target of the constant teasing and bullying. Hizashi and Oboro did their best within Class 1-A to keep them down at bay but some of them still managed to sneak by. Nemuri had been trying everything to keep Class 2-B off of his back but it also failed ninety percent of the time. Thank god, it was lunch time. No one ever messed with him during lunch because Toshinori sat with them along with Enji Todoroki. Cause for some god forsaken their rivalry in class came out in lunch too. Oddly enough, Enji knew of Shouta's sexuality but didn't say anything. All the Hellflame user said was who cares. His reaction had shocked him the most. Enji Todoroki should have been at the head of the teasing but instead he just sat with them and glared at others who even sent a wrong look in Shouta's direction. It was strangely comforting. Enji happened to be very intimating. He was broader than Toshinori is but Toshinori had height on him. Shouta should of known his luck was running out. Toshinori, Hizashi, and Oboro were deep in conversation about god knows what three sunshine people talk about. Enji occassionally threw in a comment while Nemuri ate in silence while scrolling through social media. Shouta held his book in front of his tray as he also ate in silence. A noise escaped him as his book was ripped from his hands. He turned to look at the culprit but a gasp left him as he felt a liquid cover splash over his head and down his body. He quickly identified it as soda from the stickiness it left behind. The other occupants of the table jumped up from their spots but froze as the boy from Class 3-B, Hiroto Terasaka, leaned down until he was eye level with Shouta. "Fags don't belong in hero society. They would never accept you. Why don't you drop out and go sell yourself on the corner like the whore you are." One the boy stopped talking, he turned his tray upside down and onto Shouta's head. Shouta held out his hands in front of him as he looked down at his lap in shock. Tears prickled his eyes as the older boy's words tore through him. The lunch room broke out into laughter as the teen chackled at his work. A loud crash caused Shouta to look back up. Toshinori now stood in front of him and the now empty tray that belonged to Terasaka was in the floor. Shouta couldn't see the blonde's face but just by Toshinori's body language he could tell the elder was livid. The laughter in the cafeteria fell to a dead silence. Shock and disbelief came to the faces of the other students as they looked at Toshinori and Terasaka. Terasaka sank underneath the piercing gaze from the blonde. "What the fuck did you just say?" Toshinori growled. Tersaka smirked. "I told the stupid little fag to go to the job that would fit him best, of course. He is a little slut after all." The teen said. Shouta watched in awe as Toshinori grabbed the other third year by the front of his uniform and jerked him forward. "You disgust me. You're supposed to be becoming a hero and you are tearing him down. For what? Being gay?" Every word was laced in venom as Toshinori spoke. Tersaka physically shook in Toshinori's hold as he tried to wiggle away from Toshinori's grip. "He's a little faggot. He doesn't deserve to be a hero." Toshinori chuckled and released Tersaka. The other teen falling to his bottom on the floor and his eyes locked onto Toshinori. Shouta held his breath as Toshinori gazed over his shoulder to the Erasure quirk user. "Shouta, how long as this been going on. By the look on your face. This isn't the first time." Shouta swallowed the lump in his throat. The normally soft blue eyes were now cold as ice. A frown covering his face that normally held the smile that would make Shouta's heart skip a beat. "Since Frostbite came out. My classmates were arguing over a gay man being a hero and I accidentally came out too." Shouta whispered, his voice shaking. The anger on Toshinori's face only grew deeper. "That was two months ago, Shouta. Who has been doing this to you?" Toshinori's voice was deep, almost coming out as a growl. Shouta shook his head. At this point, he didn't even know who it was. There was at least three people from each class. "It's almost every class in each year, Yagi-senpai." Hizashi said, the Voice user knowing that Shouta wasn't going to talk. "We've managed to keep our class off for the most part, but they still find a way." Oboro added, his voice laced in regret. Toshinori looked away from Shouta, his glare settling on the other occupants of the room. "You should be ashamed of yourselves." Toshinori stated, his voice raising as he looked out at the other students. "You are making fun of, teasing, bullying, assaulting a fifteen year old because he just so happens to like the same sex?!" Toshinori scoffed. "Within this school is over a hundred students that hope to be heroes one day. From what I just got told, even the hero course is involved in this villainous act." The blonde shook his head, climbing up onto the table that he had been formerly sitting at. "You want to be heroes?! How can you even call yourself a hero in training if you are acting like a villain?" Shouta looked out at the other students, watching the remorse and guilt cover most of their faces. He looked up at his boyfriend and whispered, "Toshi, please. Just leave it alone." The blonde looked down on him. "Absolutely not." He said, looking back out to the others. "Shouta Aizawa will be a hero and he will do it whether you like it or not. He was born to be a hero. I watch him work his ass off every single day after school. He has so much heart in him that he didn't even tell me about this." A smile came to the blonde's face, his gaze softening. "If you want to tease someone for being gay, well you better start coming after me too." Murmurs filled the cafeteria as Toshinori spoke. "I've been dating Shouta Aizawa for six months now. I met him before he started at U.A. and from the moment I saw him... I knew he is the person I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with. So if you want to act like a villain, do it to me. I will have absolutely no problem putting you in your place." Shouta's eyes widened as he watched Enji completely stand up, climbing up onto the table next to Toshinori. "I'm not gay but Yagi's right. This isn't right. Aizawa did absolutely nothing to any of you. As far as I'm concerned, you are nothing but villains. I want to be a hero, and Shouta is Yagi's boyfriend. I will protect him the same way I strive to beat Yagi for the Number One spot." Enji stated, his voice booming through the room. Hizashi, Oboro, and Nemuri all stood up and taking a spot in front of the two third years. "You'll have to go through us too. I'm not going to play nice anymore." Oboro hissed. "Be a villain. You won't last long here." Nemuri said, her normal sweet voice coming out harsh. Hizashi added, "I can't believe this is what U.A. has come too." Toshinori looked to the others with a smile. "You see, we belong to U.A. High, a pretigous school for heroics. If you want to be a hero, stop acting like someone who is different from you is beneath you. That's not who a hero is. At this moment, I'm disgusted that I even know some of you people." Toshinori said, hopping down from the table and standing in front of Shouta. "C'mon, let's go get you cleaned up." The blonde muttered, holding out his hand. Shouta smiled softly as he reached out and placed his hand in Toshinori's. He allowed the blonde to guide him out of the cafeteria and to the men's locker rooms. Neither of them said a word as Toshinori helped Shouta get out of his soaked uniform. The blonde hummed softly as he turned on one of the showers and scrubbed the food and soda out of the ebony locks. Toshinori didn't care as the water splashed onto his uniform as he continued to rub soothing circles into Shouta's scalp. "Why didn't you tell me, Shouta?" Toshinori questioned softly. Shouta shrugged with a sniffle. "I guess I was scared too. I don't know why. I thought I could handle it. I never meant for you to come out when you didn't want too." Shouta whispered, his voice shaking. Toshinori sighed, placing his thumb underneath Shouta's chin and forcing him to look up at him. "Shou, I don't care if anyone knows I'm gay. I'm still the same person I was before. If they want to treat me different than that's on them. I would shout it to the world that I'm stupidly in love with you." Toshinori said, using his other thumb to wipe off a stray tear that found it's way down Shouta's cheek. "I can't yell like Yamada-kun can but I would do it any day. You mean the world to me." Shouta gave a watery smile and leaned forward, placing his head against Toshinori's shoulder. "Thank you." Toshinori smiled, reaching over and shutting off the tap before pulling away from Shouta to hand him a gym uniform. "Now, put that normal scowl on your face and let's get back out there." Shouta nodded with a new found confidence. "Okay." x School was out for the day and Shouta laid in his bed with Toshinori next to him. The older teen held Shouta close to him, drawing random shapes into his back as Shouta cuddled closer. The ebony haired teen felt tears come to his eyes as the words from the bullies came back to his mind. Would it change now that the number one student in U.A. came out as gay. The same student that everyone was rooting for to be the Number One Hero. Toshinori just pulled him closer. "Don't let them get to you, Shou. They are nothing compared to you." The blonde muttered, placing a soft kiss into Shouta's hair. Shouta sighed. "It still hurts." Toshinori rubbed his hands over Shouta's back. "I know, Shou. For now, let's just lay here and forget the world. Even for a moment." Shouta smiled as he cuddled further into Toshinori. He craned his neck so he could see Toshinori's face. "I love you, Toshi." "I love you too, Shouta." Toshinori smiled, leaning forward and kissing Shouta deeply. The warmth of Toshinori's body against his, the feel of his arms wrapped around him, maybe just being held. It made him feel better, knowing that he had Toshinori by his side. Just Toshinori's smile told him that everything was going to be okay.

[underthewingsofthblackeagle]

The Murderess from the Grunewald (28): Preparing for War (3b): “The Monster in the Petticoat” (2)

“Paris” by riccardomortandello 

Note: This chapter contains, among other things, the mention (not a description!) of the sexual abuse of a minor. If this topic triggers negative emotions/memories in you, please skip this chapter.

Chapter 27

         "Thank you, Professor Nerz. I appreciate your support. How did the story of the Violette Nozière go on?

         "As I said, the story from the Rue de Madagascar was just right for Paris in 1933, and the fact that it was a story with many sequels did the rest. The influence this criminal case and the way the press dealt with it had is expressed in a caricature of the time, which can be found in a French newspaper called L'Œuvre. It shows Hitler who, after reading a French newspaper, complains that it is only about 'this Violette'. Violette Nozière even eclipses Hitler's seizure of power. She or her case dominates the headlines, the title pages. Even Hitler disappears behind them. Can you imagine that?"

         "That's really remarkable," Jamie agreed.

        "As I said, these articles illustrated with photos changed the reading experience of the people. At first, only the police officers and the work of the police were photographed. In the days when Violette Nozière was on the run, they looked for her or her corpse in the Seine. There was this suspicion that she might have thrown herself into the Seine and so excavation work was carried out there. All this was photographed by the journalists and printed by the newspapers. By doing so, the newspapers changed the reader's view of what was happening. The reader is now drawn into the action, he becomes a kind of 'co-investigator'. The questions raised by the newspapers spur readers on to come up with their own thoughts about what might have happened, and speculations grow immeasurably.

Violette Nozière (1933) via Wikimedia Commons

         And just when you think the scandal couldn't get any bigger, there's an unexpected twist. On August 28, 1933, the accused makes a statement and confesses the murder. And what a confession that was! She testified that she wanted to kill her father because she could no longer bear that he had sexually abused her."

          Jamie let out a surprised "Oh!"

          "Exactly!”

          Professor Nerz nodded and remained silent for a moment before continuing:

          "We live 87 years later today and you, in particular, belong to a generation that is not afraid to say everything that needs to be said. But, Dr. Fraser, at that time it was quite different. Abuse! That was a word that one neither dared to pronounce nor to write nor to listen to at that time! And now imagine that: Patricide and abuse! I don’t know whether it is clear to you, but there is a double taboo here. And I don’t mean the two offenses! No, the act of abuse, of incest, is, of course, a taboo. But it is also taboo in French society at that time to talk or write about such an act. That was the situation at the time.           I know that many people associate quite different things with the name of the French capital. Paris! This is the city of love. Have you ever been to Paris, Dr. Fraser?"

          "Oh yes, I even studied there for a while!"

          "Ah, then you know what I mean. Paris, that makes one emotional, doesn’t it? You hear Paris and you think of the flowering avenues along the Seine, the Eiffel Tower, Notre-Dame. And who doesn't think of romance, Montmartre and free love? Everything is free in Paris! The sky over Paris is full of violins! And while these wonderful pictures are running in front of our eyes we hear Charles Trenet singing quietly in the background with his characteristic voice 'La Mer' and we start dreaming.”

          Jamie had to smile.

          "Yes, yes, Paris, the city of love ... and the guillotine! For it was in Paris, the city of love, that the guillotine was first applied in practice, coloring its streets blood-red. Red, the color of love and yet it is also the color of bloodshed by a murderous revolution."

          Jamie was shocked out of his thoughts, for when Nerz had pronounced the word 'guillotine' as if to emphasize it, he had struck his desk with his flat hand loudly.

          "Red is not always the color of love. It can also be the color of the guillotine. You see, Dr. Fraser, that's exactly our job. We have to confront the people inside and outside the courtroom with the facts. Facts count. What counts is not the idea that we or others have of something. Facts. Not the opinion that we or others have about a thing or matter. The facts alone matter. Whether something has been declared a taboo, as here in the case of the Violette Nozière, is of no interest to us."

          Nerz was silent for a moment, then he asked:

          "Have you seen the movie 'Never look away’”, Dr. Fraser?"                                          "Oh yes!"

        "This moment when the lie is confronted with the truth. There's no evading it anymore. It doesn't take many words, just facts - and a whole world of lies breaks up. In a single moment."

        "That was really very impressive," Jamie agreed.

        "It reminded me of something I read many years ago. An English theologian was asked how he would defend the truth. His answer was: 'No different than a lion. I open the door of their cage and let it out. That, Dr. Fraser, will be your job. On each new day of the trial, you must unleash the Lion of Truth. And you must trust the power of truth. Sometimes it will look as if the truth is losing the battle. But that's not true. That only means that the hour of the truth has not yet come. Then you just have to go on."

        Nerz was silent again as he wanted to give Jamie an opportunity to let sink in what he had said.

        "Let's come back to Violette Nozière. As I said, the abuse was a taboo, a taboo that could not be talked about. But if a crime cannot be talked about, then it cannot be denounced. And that is exactly how the newspapers react. The press knows that if it were to address the incest, it could lose at least part of its readership. So they don't denounce the deed, but the talking about it. The choir of the Parisian newspapers unanimously condemns Violette Nozière's testimony as 'heinous accusations'. The 'argumentation' that we can read in the almost 90-year-old publications is the same one that is still used today to silence rape victims. They said: 'If Violette was really raped by her father, why didn't she confide in her mother or her grandmother? She is said to have had a particularly intimate relationship with the latter. How difficult it was (and still is!) to talk about this topic, the press didn't say a word about it.         And another factor plays a role here. Besides the economic and political problems, France has a demographic problem at that time. Society is aging. And young people, who will be the future of the nation, are a cause for concern. It is said that there is a decent youth and a corrupt youth. Let us be honest, these two groups of young people have always existed. Quite apart from the fact that there have always been these two groups of adults. But, in this particular situation, this way of looking at things becomes more important. And Violette Nozière is, of course, an example of the side of the corrupt youth. Young people who live into the day and no longer respect role models and values. And throughout all social strata, there is a fear that this immoral youth could tear the country even deeper into the abyss. What is to become of a nation whose youth is so corrupt? Well, to be honest, Violette Nozière also gave enough reason to have this image of her. As I said before, she had many friends and lovers at a young age and now it becomes also known that the young woman posed for nude photos. And such a person dares to incriminate her honorable father, a long-standing and excellent employee of the French railways, in such a disgusting way? That was the reaction of many Parisian citizens and the newspapers took up this mood.

Apartment of the Nozière family / Crime scene via Wikimedia Commons

         Jean-Baptiste Nozière and his wife were regarded as hard-working people who sacrificed themselves for their daughter's education. They lived in a small two-room apartment in the east of Paris. They were a kind of model for a working-class family that had managed to move up to the lower middle classes. That was the life of many people, or at least that was the life many people aspired to. And then the newspapers came and brought photos showing how the family lived. You can still see it today. A small, cramped apartment, a modest luxury. Furniture and pictures made to look antique. Wallpapers with large flower patterns, which were fashionable at that time. How many people would have thought: 'Well, that looks almost like at home?’ And now imagine what these people thought when Violette's accusations became known? How dare she! This ungrateful child! That wicked slut! Yet the lifestyle of the young Violette could have been seen as an indication of the truthfulness of her statements. Today we know that young people who experienced abuse at the age of Violette can show exactly these symptoms: school skipping, a sudden drop in performance, repeated stealing, manipulative behavior of others and promiscuous behavior."

        Again, Nerz kept silent to let what was said sink in.

        "About ten days after her arrest, the responsible judge has the family's apartment examined again and now a rag with semen stains is found. Violette Nozière states that her father used this rag to prevent her from getting pregnant. This is not evidence, but a find that irritates the investigators. And then, on the father's bedside table, they found offensive, pornographic, pictures. Now the mood is slowly turning and the press, always anxious not to lose any readers, follows this path. And yet: Violette Nozière must remain in custody. She is not listened to. The public's opinion is divided and that is good for the press because it knows how to serve both parties with different articles and comments.         But now something is happening that has never happened before. Other victims of abuse send letters to the judge. These letters have remained in the files to this day. These women turn to the judge and tell him about their own experiences. And they ask him to believe Violette.         And then something else happens. The Surrealist movement takes up the case of Violette Nozière. Under the direction of André Breton, some artists published a volume of essays and drawings entitled 'Violette Nozière'. They break with the taboo and at the same time attack the patriarchy. The volume was published in Belgium because it would have been banned by censorship in France. It was the figure of the femme fatale, the sexual aura of Violette, that attracted these artists. Violette's story, especially her indictment of her father, fit into the program of the surrealists who attacked the traditional family.

Violette Nozière vor Gericht (Agence de presse Meurisse [Public domain]) via Wikimedia Commons

         On October 11, 1934, the trial against Violette Nozière was finally opened. For more than a year, the accused has been in prison and for more than a year, the press has shaped people's opinions. Among them, of course, is the opinion of those who will now take part in this trial as jurors and determine the fate of the accused."

         Jamie let a loud sigh be heard.

         "My goodness, how could they be able to judge them neutrally?"

         "Exactly, Dr. Fraser. In Violette Nozière's case, there was no one to defend the arguments that spoke for her in public. Her two lawyers were not in a position to do so. What would two men do against crowds of journalists and millions of printed articles?"

         "Hopeless."

         "Exactly. And the jurors were all men and fathers. Women were not admitted to the jury in France at the time."

         "Absolutely hopeless."

         "As you say. The jurors then only need an hour to pass sentence. They find the defendant guilty and the court sentences her to death. Just two days after the trial began! The accusation of abuse, of incest, was not taken into account. Nor was that necessary, because incest or abuse was not listed as a criminal offense in the penal code in force at the time! The penal code, according to which she was sentenced in 1933, dates from the time of the French Revolution and was last revised in 1810."

         "She never had a chance, did she?"

         "No, she never had a chance. And the majority of the French welcomed this verdict. That is very understandable because 'order' has been restored. Everything is good and one or should I say 'man' can return to everyday life.          But, Violette Nozière is not executed. Three successive French presidents pardoned her. President Albert Lebrun converts the death penalty into a life sentence. Marshal Philippe Pétain then reduced her sentence by decree of August 6, 1942, to 12 years of forced labor from the day of her imprisonment in 1933. And on August 29, 1945, she was finally released. On November 17 of the same year, General de Gaulle, President of the Provisional Government, lifted the 20-year ban on French territory imposed on her by a new presidential decree. She married and has five children, for whom she is a good mother. Her own mother reconciles with her and believes her that she did not lie in court. On November 26, 1966, Violette Nozière died of cancer."

         "My goodness, what a story!"

         "Isn't it?"

         Both lawyers were silent for a moment. Then Nerz spoke again:

         "Violette Nozière had no one to defend her in public. She had no one to fight the suspicions of the press. Your client, Dr. Beauchamp, will have us on her side. You defend her in the courtroom and we take over the litigation PR outside the courtroom. We will not allow the press to destroy her client's life and capitalize on it."

          Jamie took a deep breath.

          "I appreciate your help."

          "As I said at the beginning, we can see a number of applications from this process in the case of your client. Let us now come to these specific points.”