#the scream i scrumpt when he said it

[indestinatus]

You have been claimed by Poseidon, Earthshaker, Stormbringer. Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon.

1.08 | PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS

[silverspadesss]

*taps mic* i guess you could say that colin provolone got…grandfathered in

[opportunityarose]

because we're the same | prodigal son. 1.11

[hanaasbananas]

just remembered how when I was in year 8/9 there was this one IT guy in my school who ALL of the girls had a crush on so everytime one of our teachers had a problem w the computer or whiteboard someone would be like "omg miss shall I go get GEORGE" and they'd all start giggling if he was the guy to show up it was so funny bc like...I guess he was kinda cute.It was 2012 so he had that floppy hair all the guys had and stretched ears and always wore skinny jeans w his work shirt and checkered vans and oh my god the girls were OBSESSED w his chunky glasses

p sure they stalked his socials too cus WHY do I know that he was in an indie band????

but also poor guy, man he was just trying to live his best life being an IT tech and suddenly he had hordes of 12 and 13 year olds crushing on him and trying to flirt w him and coming down to the IT room all the time no wonder he left

[nazumichi]

my professor is sooo funny, “i considered telling your mom about your special pal” say lessss

[cardicopia]

friends. guess who got griftwood, con clavi con dio, and prime mover in their ritual :)

[dumplingsjinson]

List of “not-so-random suggestive and non-suggestive” prompts 

“How was your sleep?” “Mm.. It was good. Better.” “Better how?” “Better because you’re here.” (THE WAY I GOT SO FLUSTERED WTF)

“That’s my girl/boy,” Character B murmurs in a hushed voice, stroking their fingers through Character A’s hair while Character A rests their head on their chest, trying to catch their breath. (THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT INTERNALLY, THE AUDACITY HE AUDACITIED??? WHAT THE FUCK??? EXCUSEEEE MEEEEEE??? BTW, SIR, HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS IN THE MORNING-)

“Fuck, you turn me on so much with the noises you make,” Character B groans, thrusting their hips up into Character A’s and Character A whimpering softly at that. (Okay so I added the fuck at the start because it’s hotter this way bUTTTT WKGKSKFS PLSSSSS I JUST- OH MY GOD, I think I just realised that dialogue to me is SO IMPORTANT LMFAOOO)

“There are two hot things in this room right now: you, and the temperature.” (LET ME BREATHE, DAMNNNN) 

“Mmm, I’m gonna hog the bed so you can’t get on,” Character A murmurs, laying sprawled out on the bed. “That’s fine, I can just lay on you,” Character B says, making their way to the bed. “…Are you calling me a bed?” Character A questions as Character B gets on top of them, careful not to crush them under their weight. “Yeah, you're my bed,” Character B murmurs, snuggling close to Character A. (FUCKCKKCKXKDKKSKGKAKD HE’S JUST OUT HERE FLIRTING TO THE MAX WITH ME AND LEAVING ME SPEECHLESS TF)

“I told you my bed’s cozy,” Character B says, chuckling as they make their way over to Character A, who’s snuggled up under the covers. They pull the cover back and climb into the bed next to Character A, wrapping their arms around them. “And now it’s even cozier,” Character B murmurs into Character A’s neck. “Because you’re here?” Character A questions playfully. “Yeah,” Character B answers.

A laughter filled tickling play fight session somehow turning into them making out, turning into Character A straddling Character B, head thrown back in pleasure as they grind their hips against Character B’s while Character B holds onto their hips, thrusts matching the momentum of Character A’s movements.  

Spending way too much time tickling each other, peals of laughter coming from them both as they both try to attack each other’s sensitive spots. (His laughter is so cute AND I REALLY MISS HIM PLS WJDSK)

Morning cuddles and kisses as sunlight spills into the room.

“I’m gonna fuck you so good once we get there, yeah?” (MY HONEST REACTION WAS LITERALLY “???” I JUST?? WHAT?? SINCE WHEN WAS HE- AND HIM SWEARING? HOT HOT HOT HOT WKGKAKS)

Character A taking Character B’s hand into theirs while they’re driving. “You can drive with one hand, right?” they ask with a little grin, and Character B chuckles and nods. “Of course I can.” (HIM DRIVING WITH ONE HAND IS SO HOT BYE)

Character B guiding the speed of Character A’s hips as Character A grinds against them. (can he PLEASE manhandle me-)

“Okay, I’ll let you tickle me wherever you want if you give me one kiss.” (He lied a few times AHAHA, dodged my attacks instead after I gave him his kisses bruhhh) 

Character B lending their clothes to Character A since Character A’s staying the night. (The way I smelled like him AHHHH)

The soft “yeah?” Character B would mutter in response when they’re messing around with Character A and noises would fall from Character A’s mouth, involuntarily.

Stopping their play fight every now and again to kiss each other. 

Character B flirting with Character A and Character A not knowing how to respond other than half groaning and half laughing and calling them insufferable (affectionately). (Like I said, I’m romantically constipated-) 

Character B laughing every time Character A calls them annoying and insufferable whenever they flirt with them. 

Character A leaning in to kiss Character B… And then using that opportunity to tickle them when Character B’s guards are down. 

Them just laughing with each other at the dumbest shit until they’re out of breath; finding comfort and joy in each other’s company. 

Character A teasing Character B with how ticklish they are on certain spots. 

Character B tugging at the hem of Character A’s top, wanting to take it off, but Character A shakes their head and Character B immediately respects that by backing off a bit. (I’m including this because I don’t think people understand that any signs of no means no. Some people need to take notes for real)

“So… Are you going to stay over tonight?” “…Mm, maybe next time.” “You always say next time, though.” (EWLKNFWELN He really wanted me to stay, and I clearly folded so um pwnfewklnf) 

“I’m sorry if I’m like… Slow with all of this? I’m not experienced with any of this, and I don’t know what I’m doing. And I don’t think I’m ready for… You know.” “And that’s fine. Like I said, we’ll take it slow; we’ve got all the time in the world to get comfortable with each other, hm?” (WHEN I SAY I WAS GOING WEKJFNEWJKNEWFLN WHEN HE REASSURED ME, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AHHH)

Character B climbing back into bed after taking their morning shower to get more cuddles in with Character A before they have to go to work.

“You can just change in here if you want.” (WO4HKLWFN THIS FUCKING MAN LMFAOOO, the way I didn’t listen and went to the bathroom to change because I’m still feeling too embarrassed to change in front of him even though he’s kind of seen me topless before)

Hugging each other a little tighter, and Character A mumbling, “God, I really don’t want to leave” before they part ways.

“The way you keep running around in my mind everyday… How dare you?” Character A mumbles. “Well, is there a problem with that?” Character B questions with a chuckle. (I’m bold for this one, praise me LKNEFKLNWG)

The constant check ins from Character B, to make sure Character A’s all good and well. (every prompt list has this because it’s something I’ll always fucking harp on about lmao)

Character B grasping Character A’s wrists so they’d stop attacking their ticklish spots, pulling them in for a kiss instead. (He did this SO MANY TIMES AND FAILED SO MANY TIMES AHAHA, I’m a sneaky menace) 

Character A pulling the Spiderman kiss on Character B while Character B’s lying down. (I WANNA KISS HIM MORE FUCKSLKFNES’F)

Character A waking up in Character B’s clothes and in their bed, hair all mussed up and sporting a faint mark on their neck. (I think I uh… I think I like having marks on my neck?? Made by him, specifically, IDK wpeofnew;nf)

Get home safe! Love you lots and lots, Character B texts Character A. (THE WAY I SMILED WHEN I SAW HIS TEXT WHILE HEADING TO THE STATION AHAHA, it wasn’t even ten minutes since we parted and he sent me this and I was fangirling about it to my friends AHAHA) 

“Aren’t you going to get up now? You gotta get to work,” Character A says, poking Character B’s side. “Mmm, five more minutes,” Character B murmurs, pulling Character A closer to them. (HE’S SO CLINGY AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH AHDFOEKNF)

Character A realising they might actually be falling in love, slowly but surely, with Character B. (YEAH SO THIS IS A REVELATION AND A HALF AND IDK HOW TO FEEL ABOUT IT) 

[sameschmidtdiffname]

I was wondering if you could do a fic with Mike Schmidt x fem!reader and the quote “can I stack donuts on it?” I apologize in advance 😭

THE FUCKING SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN I GOT THISSSSSS BITCH YOU GOT ITTTTTT

Cherries & Cream

Mike Schmidt x AFAB!Reader

Summery: It's a modest holiday. Spent indoors, soft music on the cassette player... oh, and a collection of bad ideas snowballed into a day of sticky situations

Tags: No use of Y/N, author has fucking lost it, comedy, Valentine's Day fic, mentions of failed masturbation attempts, mentions of inappropriate use of lightsabers and water snakes (I SAID AUTHOR HAS FUCKING LOST IT- DONT ASK, JUST READ, IT AINT THAT BAD!), sex toys, handcuffs, sex dice, pre-established relationship, food sex, blowjob, facial, Mike gets restrained like we all know he wants to be.

Notes: I'm not apologizing for shit.

                     ▪︎◇{¤♧■♧¤}◇▪︎

"These are ridiculous questions."

"Oh, come on. Don't be a sourpuss," I say. Cards are scattered around the small box on our bed, both of us long deciding we'd clean up later.

"What does it say?" I ask him, leaning forward. I'm straddling his chest, my arms crossed against mine, dressed in nothing but one of his shirts. His hand on my hip is halfway under the black material, his pointer finger twisting the old cotton around his digit. His other hand holds a dark purple card that he rolls his eyes at before shifting them to focus on me towering over him.

"It doesn't even apply to you," he says.

"And how do you know?" I say smugly.

"Because I've sucked your dick and it's not big enough to apply," he says

"What? Give me that." I snatch the card from his hand, ignoring his laughter as he shifts his hand to rest on my other hip, rubbing soothing circles into my skin while I read.

'What's the weirdest thing you have ever stuck your dick in?'

A short laugh escapes me, a bit louder than it should be with Abby sleeping peacefully down the hall.

"I'm waiting," Mike jokes, smiling up at me with his lips twisted into a smug expression of sarcasm.

"I mean, I stuck a toy lightsaber up my snatch once," I say casually.

"What?" He bellows, descending into a fit of laughter so grand his chest is rattling underneath of me, making my face bloom with blood in embarrassment.

"I was fourteen!" I say quickly in my defense. This doesn't help my case, making him cackle loud enough I grab a pillow to shove onto his face to muffle his fit. He grabs my wrists before it can descend, holding them up as he wheezes.

"Oh, Qui-Gon Jin! You're my only hope!" He relaxes his grip slightly, allowing me to stiffle his incessant noise.

"That was Obi-Wan, and I liked Darth Vader!"

His hands shove the pillow away from his red face, eyes teary and judgemental.

"He's burnt!"

"It was the vibe! Mysterious, dark, and that voice!" I protest. Mike makes a pitiful attempt at the sounds of Vader's breathing through his mask, muddled with spit from his laughter. "James Earl Jones has a handsome voice!"

"It's just so hot," Mike cackled.

"Mike."

"Nothing can hold a candle to it."

"Michael."

"Makes me go-" a crude imitation of lightsaber noises is the last thing Mike can communicate before I'm slamming the pillow down on him, making him laugh harder and block his face from my playful blows as he begs for mercy.

"You're a dick!"

"You'd stick yours in one of those- those-" as he regains his breath and I lessen my attacks, he snaps his fingers, one hand slapping gently against my thigh for thought.

"Oh, you know. One of those fucken- the uh..." He makes a jerking motion with his snapping hand, his eyes rolling up to the ceiling like the answer is written on the spot where some poster used to be.

"A hand?" I ask, crossing my arms and glaring down at him.

"No. One of those toys that had like water in them and you could like- I don't know what the point of them was, some sensory thing. There was like water, maybe fish or sparkles stuffed inside," he describes, gesturing his hand as he speaks.

The image begins to click together in my mind. "Oh yeah. Water snakes?" I ask. He slaps my thigh, snapping his fingers and pointing at me with wide eyes.

"That's the fucker. Yeah, you'd stick your dick in that," he says confidently, nodding and relaxing in satisfaction with his statement.

"Okay, but you can like slide those things in and out so honestly that's kind of genius," I say.

"That plastic burns like a motherfucker though. And it's got those seams for the plastic so lube doesn't help," Mike says, one arm curled above his head and his other hand once more rubbing my hip.

"That's descriptive," I say with narrowed eyes. I lean forward, my face hovering above his. His relaxed hazel eyes widen slightly, but only by a hair. His rubbing stutters. His body language is still casual, but has stiffened enough to betray him.

"Just a thought."

"How old were you?"

"I did not- fifteen."

It's my turn to snicker now, picking my pillow back up and smacking him once more in the head.

"Okay, okay. Teenagers are idiots. Next card, next card," he says laughing, hand now searching for a new card from the deck. "Oh my God. What food item would you use during sex- babe, where the fuck did you find this game?"

"It was some dirty Santa gift, got it a couple years ago," I say with the wave of my hand. "Anyways, it's my turn to ask the question."

"Oh right. Pick a new one," he says, flicking the card away.

"Well, hang on now. On the topic of poor sexual choices and food, what would you use for that?" I ask, smirking and crossing my arms across my chest once more. He glares at me, lips pressed firmly together as he narrows his eyes. There's a long silence, neither of us speaking as we decide who's going to break it.

"Donuts," he finally says.

"Donuts?"

"Yeah. They have the hole," he adds as if it explains everything.

"Uh huh."

"Okay, you used a fucking lightsaber, you cannot-"

"I was fourteen, you are twenty-eight. What happens if you squeeze the thing too hard and you've just got crumbs and frosting all over you?" I ask.

"I wouldn't fuck the damn thing. I'd, like, stack them," he clarifies. "Do it like one of those really cheesy porno bits like 'did someone order some food?' And just rip open the trenchcoat to reveal several donuts stacked on my dong."

"Michael, you've put a weird amount of thought into this."

"It's the fucking question!"

"Okayokayokay- so hypothetically," I begin.

"Mm-hmm."

"If I brought home a box of donuts-"

"Nice ones. Krispy Kreme or some shit, I'm not getting sugar in my shit if it's cheap," he insists.

"...glad to know. If I brought home a box of overpriced donuts and a trench coat-"

"Take the coat out, that was a bit."

"Will you let me finish?"

"That'd be the preferred outcome," he interrupts again. "But like, before the donut thing. If it was like, y'know." He thrusts his hips into the air slightly, not to be arousing but to clarify. Because that's the part he can't say out loud. "'Cause you can't get sugar in your snatch."

"You can't get sugar in your snatch," I repeat slowly, blinking.

"Don't ask."

"Right. So if I brought home the Kreme-y goods, you would present yourself to me with a donut dick?" I ask. He rolls his eyes, suppressing a smile.

"Sure."

Valentine's Day. A day for kids and new couples, mainly. And since this household is aging out of both of those demographics, Mike and I had decided to go smaller this year. Not that we went huge every year before, neither of us feeling quite like blowing a shit load of cash on the day. But usually we booked a reservation at a decent restaurant, put on some nicer clothes, and spent the holiday just having a nice family dinner. But Abby was old enough she was itching to attend some sleepover at a friend's house for the holiday, and Mike and I felt fine just ordering in and playing a card game that we usually thumbed through while bored.

"Do 12 year olds even get valentines?" Mike asks, sprawled upon the bed the night before.

"I don't know, I didn't," I shrug. "She's just visiting her friends and wearing pink so they can gorge on chocolate, sounds like a good holiday to me."

He considers this, scratching his jaw as he continues staring at the ceiling.

"Valentine's Day alone. What trouble we could cause," he teases.

"What food are we ordering in for the trouble, anyways?" I ask, looking up from the box of my things I'd been unpacking, hanging up pictures and placing knick knacks around the room and new desk we'd shoved in earlier that evening.

"Chinese?" He asks.

"Gas for Valentine's Day, I'll love that," I say. He laughs. "How about Italian?"

"Makes me bloated, you'll be top," he says. "What are we doing in that department? I mean, we probably should do something."

"You say that like sex is a chore," I say with a raised brow, looking up at him for a moment from the box.

"Oh, hell no," he says. "If that's a chore than it's my favorite."

"Chores typically bring you closer to God."

"Than I'm smokin' it with Jesus, fuck yeah."

At that I laugh, tossing a small box at him that rattles with something inside. He catches it, laughing and pulling it open out of curiosity.

"Oh ho! What are these?" He asks, holding up a small, hot pink cube.

"Oh Jesus, I thought I lost those. They're-"

"Sex dice!" He laughs. "You whore!"

"I'm not a whore, I just went to college!" I laugh defensively. His eyebrows raise.

"Popular?"

"Fuck off," I groan. "My ex bought those, I just kept them."

Mike rolls the dice in his hands, actually sitting up and crossing his legs on the bed before sending them flying across the quilt.

"Suck toe," Mike reads. "That's disappointing."

"We never used toe, we always just picked a different spot," I say.

"Like?" He asks.

"I don't know, it varied. I guess it was kinda a pick your poison spot," I say. "You wouldn't believe how often it lands on toe."

"The universe is trying to tell you something," he says.

"The universe can suck it," I say. Mike rolls one of the dice again.

"Tit. Nice. I'll be acting as ambassador for said universe sucking-"

"You'll be acting as helping me unpack these dresses," I say, setting the box on the bed in front of him. He stands with a sigh, hands on his hips as he awaits his work. I take out a few dresses and lay them in his arms before returning to my work of organizing the closets.

"Hold 'em," I say.

"Just hold them?"

"Yeah."

"You made me get up for this?"

"Before you find the handcuffs in there? Yeah," I say.

"Handcuffs? We've been together for three years, you're moving into my house and now I'm finding out you have handcuffs?" Mike asks incredulously.

"I didn't know that would upset you," I say honestly, shrugging.

"Upset? I've been deprived! You're a freak and haven't taken it out on me!" He says overdramatically. I roll my eyes but smile.

"I'm not a freak, I've only slept with like, two other guys. That's it," I say.

"So the guys were freaks," he says.

"I mean, I wasn't saying no," I admit.

"So you're a freak when asked?"

"You sound like a teenager."

"I sound like a guy who's gonna be home alone with his girlfriend and sex toys tomorrow, yeah, I sound like a teenager," he says.

"Oh, so we're ordering in and banging all night?" I ask, raising a brow in amusement.

"Was that not the plan already?" He asks.

"I wasn't gonna say it, but if you want to."

The night was spent laying out plans of debauchery. After dropping off Abby in the early afternoon at her friends the next day, Mike and I made a slight detour before heading home, where the items were laid out before us.

Whipped cream. Donuts. Handcuffs. Dice. And some cheap, bottom of the $5 bin collection of 'Top 100 Sexy Songs for Valentine's Day' cassette tape that Mike had grabbed from a local music store during our trip.

"Do you ever question the things we do while bored?" Mike asks, staring at the ceiling, butt naked and handcuffed to the bedframe while I straddle his thighs, trying to figure out how exactly I'm gonna do this.

"Do you?" I ask, pinching his soft tip between my fingers.

"I'm starting to," he says, glancing at the can of whipped cream that was starting to sweat on the bedside table beside us. "I had questions before I shaved my junk for this, but I wasn't gonna say anything."

"Good. Keep that philosophy, I think I figured it out," I say, finally leaning for the box of glazed donuts we'd hardly been able to act mature about buying while going through the drive through. We're not seeing the gates of heaven.

"Shouldn't you get me hard first? It's just gonna grow," he says in questioning, trying to look down at what I'm doing.

"No, because then I'll have to keep you hard and that's gonna deflate quickly," I say. He nods in agreement, satisfied and sighing in slight boredom as I begin my task, trying to get the first donut on without breaking.

"Ow! Are- are you trying to fucking fold my shit?" He asks, his voice slightly higher than it was a moment ago.

"You're bigger than the hole, it's gonna break the donut! It's soft, isn't it?" I ask.

"Not that soft!" He says a bit frantic.

"Okay, what if I stretch it out like this?" I ask, tugging his dick upwards.

"I'm gonna ask you not to!" Mike says. His thumbs find the latches for the handcuffs, undoing one so he can reach down himself. "Jesus Christ- you're gonna break me!"

"This is my job," I say amused, giggling as I cover my mouth with my hand.

He ignores me, examining himself and the donut before glaring at the corner of the room, sighing.

"Motherfucker, I've been blessed, goddammit," he groans.

"What a humble statement," I say, trying not to laugh.

"This is humbling enough. Do what you will, I guess," he says, flopping back onto the bed, donut in hand and taking a bite from it as he crosses his ankles beneath me.

"I need that," I say.

"There's eleven more, this is my consolation prize," he says through his mouthful, returning his glare to the ceiling.

"You gonna redo the handcuff?" I ask.

"I'll redo your fucken dad," he snaps, but shoves the rest of the donut in his mouth as he fiddles with the handcuffs once again, groaning as I start on my work.

It takes half an hour, four donuts and a ridiculous amount of whipped cream, but the deed is done. Stepping off the bed, I behold my work of a restrained, glaring, donut stacked and cream covered Mike with a proud smile.

"This was exponentially hotter in my head," he mutters, looking down at himself.

"You don't like it?" I ask.

"I didn't say that, I'm just not drooling over- where are you going?" He asks. I quickly dart out of the room, racing to the kitchen as a series of 'babe?' Rings throughout the house. I open the fridge quickly, find the box of cherries and race back into the bedroom, holding it up as though it were a crown jewel.

"Ohh, my fucking God," Mike loudly drawls, rolling his eyes.

"I almost forgot," I say with malicious glee.

"I wish you had," he says, staring at the ceiling. "You're sick in the head."

"This was your idea."

"I'm sick in the head, I repent, I repent."

Placing a fat cherry carefully on top of the fluffy tip, I smile in true satisfaction.

"Perfect," I say, hands working to undo my house robe, shrugging it off and leaving me in simple lingerie instead.

"Now you faceplant into my dessert dick. Delicious," he deadpans.

"Mike, if you really don't wanna do this-"

"I'm gonna get a fucking UTI, just fulfill the high school fantasy already. I'll have no shame once I'm hard," he spits out quickly, jerking against the restraints slightly in impatience.

Well, that's true enough.

I lean forward, trying to figure out where to start, deciding between bottom or top.

"Babe, this is mortifying, just do some- oh-kay," Mike groans, his hips shifting slightly as I gently suck one of his freshly shaved balls into my mouth, my tongue swirling around it as I grip his thighs. The stack shifts slightly, Mike moaning as he thrusts against nothing.

My mouth works his sack for a little bit, one of my hands trailing down to between his legs to press against the spot behind his balls, making him keen into my touch as he moans loudly, the handcuffs clicking against the frame of our bed as he squirms. When I'm sure he's hardened properly underneath, I remove my mouth, making him whine as I glance up at him, smiling.

"Doing good?" I ask sweetly, pressing my fingers harder into the spot between his legs.

"Still mortifying, just keep going," he moans shamelessly, his cheeks red as he keeps his eyes closed in embarrassment.

I lean down once more, licking at the melting whipped cream on the tip of his cock, his moans growing louder as my tongue finds contact with his cock, his skin cold and wet underneath of the cream. I'm barely able to reach his actual tip, my tongue sticking down far in the hole of the top donut. I begin biting into the food, quickly tearing away at my work in eagerness of what awaits.

There's probably a special place in Hell reserved for the two of us for doing something like this and enjoying it, but I promise you, if you could see the look on his face right now, blushing wildly and trying to hide behind the bulk of his large arm, it would be worth it.

Once the first two donuts are gone I take off the cherry from the top, dangling it over his mouth in teasing.

"Want some?" I ask. He just groans in response, his cock twitching from neglect. I chuckle, tossing the fruit away and quickly taking him into my mouth, drawing a sharp, high moan from him as I suck eagerly, admiring the taste of his skin mixed with the sweet sugar from the food.

Yeah. Definitely worth it.

Pre-cum shoots into my mouth as he rolls his hips into my face, my hand still working against him as I swirl my tongue around his tip, sucking harshly as I watch him. His back arches against the bed, his head thrown back in pleasure as he loses himself in the feeling of my mouth against him.

"Go deeper," he begs, his voice soft as he bucks into my mouth, his arms straining against the handcuffs. "Holy shit, please go deeper."

His hips buck harshly against my face, smashing the two other donuts and an annoying amount of cream into my face, covering me in a facial I didn't ask for.

I pull away from him, stopping my hand and just staying still for a moment to allow him a proper look at my face.

"... I do not like this," I deadpan. I'd blink if I could open my eyes right now.

Small whines escape him as his hips continue moving, questions being voiced then everything ceasing all at once as I guess he takes a good look at me. There's a moment of silence, then he bursts out laughing at the sight, loud and obnoxious.

"It's in your hair!" He exclaims, probably wishing he could point at me as I blindly search for the hand towel nearby.

"I hope this was worth it," I say flatly, suppressing my own giggle.

"Oh, the feeling is awful, but you're doing great," he says sweetly, still chuckling as he watches me wipe at my face, groaning at the stickiness of it all.

"Jesus, I'm a mess," he says, looking down at himself. "Can we just take that off and-"

"Yeah, normal blow job, on it," I finish for him, quickly taking off the other two, very smushed donuts and discarding of them inside the box. "You have horrible ideas "

"You wanted us to try new shit, this is not on me," he laughs, smiling at me. "But thank you for answering a decade old question."

"You're weird," I say.

"Just fuck me," he says back.

Quickly I take him back into my mouth, deepthroating him and encouraging him to fuck my mouth, focusing on my breathing as he does with blind obedience. His thighs press against the sides of my head, squeezing slightly as his tip rams into the back of my throat, all gentleness off the table. My tongue slides against his prominent vein, feeling how he throbs, his cock stiff and twitching from the stimulation. He pants loudly, whining when I press my tongue harder into his vein, a loud 'snap' echoing from near his head.

His movements cease for a moment, his chest heaving as realization crosses his face.

"... the handcuffs weren't expensive, right?" He asks inbetween gasps, holding up his hands to show the cheap cuffs now hanging uselessly around his wrists.

My eyebrows raise in surprise, my head beginning to lift off of him when one of his hands comes down on my head, suddenly gripping my hair as he begins to fuck my mouth with new vigor, tearing lewd sounds from my throat as I gag sharply around him.

"Fuck it, I'll buy another pair," he decides, slamming quickly into my throat as he pulls my hair sharply, his pre-cum beginning to thicken in my mouth. "It's not like you mind, right, sweetheart?" He asks, propping himself up with one arm to watch as I swallow his dick eagerly, one of my hands dipping down to play with my clit. He tugs sharply at my hair, making me whine as his other hand smacks quick and gentle against my hollowing cheek before pointing at me.

"No," he says sharply. "I'll deal with you after."

His hand strokes my cheek as he continues fucking my face, his thumb trained on my chin, keeping my mouth open wide for him. His eyes are glazed over in pleasure as he watches me, my spit dribbling down my chin as I take him, my legs pressed tightly together as I grab blindly at his thighs, admiring the thickness as I gag on his cock.

"Fuck- you're so pretty," he moans, his cock twitching in closeness. "And kind." I moan appreciatively around him, eager to feel his cum down my throat as I dig my nails into his thighs. "Don't know how I got so lucky."

His hand roughly drags my head up by my hair, forcing me off of his cock and making me whine as I try to take him back into my mouth. His hand wraps around his length, pumping quickly as he watches me.

"Keep your mouth open, pretty girl," he commands softly. I obey, sticking out my tongue slightly, eager to please. He smiles at the sight, his lashes fluttering shut once more as he fucks his hand quickly, using my thick spit as lube, beginning to lose rhythm.

"I'm gonna cum," he warns breathily. "I'm gonna- fuck!"

His words stutter as he gasps, his hand squeezing roughly at his cock as his cum hits my face, warm and thick against my skin. We watch each other as the first few ropes cover my face, admiring the other in a hazy cloud of desire and satisfaction. Then he shoves his cock back into my mouth, his hand pumping me up and down his length again as he finishes shooting his load down my throat, admiring my new look.

"I'm just- gonna do this for awhile," he gasps, his cock still stiff in my mouth as his flow of cum begins to slow, his hips still quick in contrast.

I moan around him, my cunt clenching in want.

"Don't worry," he says, reaching for something in the nightstand, pulling open a drawer and revealing his new gift for me. "You'll get some fun too."

When I tell y'all this motherfucker somehow found a dildo shaped like a fucking lightsaber.

Goddammit, I'm gonna marry him.

                             ¤▪︎{♧}▪︎¤

You heard me.

Taglist:

@cassiecasluciluce @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 @jhutchissupercool . Thank you for your support pookies!!! <3

               •▪︎Masterlist▪︎•

how would y'all feel if I told you the title was a pun from that old 'berries and cream' meme

[beeslibrarycorner]

Can you do a harry vanderspeigle x reader smut fic But hes submissive and needy 🥺

A/N: The scream that I scrumpt when I read this ask. Please if you have any more Harry thots please send them my way I beg of you 😭😭😭

Because I’m so excited about this ask you get hcs and a blurb all in one post.

Warnings: MDNI, smut, oral

He loves you, you are his world and the reason that he doesn’t want to leave earth to go back to his home planet.

He doesn’t like leaving for work in the morning without seeing you before he leaves. He gets very excited to see you when it’s almost time to leave the clinic for the day.

The sex is great, it’s great because it is with you and there is nothing better than you in his eyes.

He starts to realize that he enjoys when you start taking control in the bedroom.

He does like taking control in some circumstances but for the most part he loves when you make him feel good.

He becomes all pathetic and needy for you when you don’t give him enough attention.

He has came in his pants from you just teasing him. When you bring it up he gets very red in the face and he likes to hide his face in your neck.

He likes when you praise him and call him a good boy. It makes the inside of his chest warm and it gets him very excited.

Your moans are music to his ears.

Over time it also becomes apparent that your pleasure is his pleasure and he really enjoys making you feel good. Ex: overstimming you through oral or use of toys.

——————-

✨Blurb Time✨

You had to get on a video call with your boss about some work stuff.

You slept over at Harry’s cabin the night before and it has been a tranquil morning so far as you sat at his table with your laptop, waiting for the video call to load. Your boss and team had greeted you as you were let in and you smiled and greeted them back.

All was going well.

Harry stumbled out of the bedroom half asleep and his eyes lit up when he saw you sitting at the table only in one of his shirts. He padded over and kneeled in front of you, careful not to be in frame of the camera.

The two of you made eye contact with eachother and then you looked back to the screen and he started a trail of kisses up your thighs. Before Harry could reach to where you both wanted him, your boss cut in on what one of your coworkers was saying to end the meeting early.

Something about getting another important call. When the video call ended you looked back down at Harry and you could see the excitement in his eyes.

He dove right in, eating you out without any problems. Tounging your folds and sucking on your clit, making a huge mess. The legs of the chair creeked below you and when you looked down you saw that Harry was thrusting his hips foward.

He started noisily slurping at your leaking quivering hole and moaned into you at the taste. When you came, you were surprised, it was unexpected and very sudden. You curled foward and grabbed onto his shirt, your fingers in a death grip as your hips jutted foward.

Harry groans into you, his body pushed against the chair as he cums in his briefs. His hands on the sides of your thighs digging into the doughy flesh there. His hips moving in sharp juts as slightly shakes from the feeling.

When everything is said and done he pulls back, slick on his lips and sweat perspiring on his skin. He moves back so that he could rest his head in the top of your thigh.

“Good boy” you said, slightly out of breath and he just hummed in response.

[vagabondangel]

Hazbin Hotel Live Q&A

Interesting notes from today's Hazbin Hotel live Q&A session with Viv, Erika (Charlie's VA), and Amir (Alastor's VA):

Alastor's fatherly tendencies towards Charlie aren't genuine; Viv said Alastor feels threatened by Lucifer's power and wants to get under his skin in any way possible, and undermining Luci and Charlie's relationship is simply the easiest way to do that

So apparently, someone on twitter asked Amir how Alastor can be aroace when he has so many cute lil gay poses, and Amir's response was "you don't have to fuck to be fab", which I guess someone made into a t-shirt? Lol

(Side note: people in the chat are paying money to ask questions about romantic Alastor ships through superchats and I'm so mad grrrrr let him be canonically aroace in peace you absolute ghouls)

Amir shows off the Oh Deer mug someone made for him!

They talk a bit about the fan screening - audience members were clapping along to the "My name is Charlie" drama game scene, and people were audibly grossed out at seeing Al eating a dead deer

Charlie has a really cool outfit in the finale episode!!!

Alastor and "I'm not the stepdad, I'm the dad who stepped up" jokes, apparently Amir laughs at those kinds of shitposts and he loves the jokes and the fanart and the cosplay, so much love for the fans!

Erika and Amir love the art of their characters in their red carpet outfits

Viv says that a lot of the theories floating around about Hazbin Hotel, especially stuff regarding the finale, is super accurate, and she doesn't engage with accurate theories on social media because she doesn't wanna spoil anything

Eventually, Viv will answer the question of whether or not Al has a tail. Sadly, today is not that day.

Viv and Erika imply that Charlie's perspective on redemption and her worldview will develop and grow more complex over the course of the next few episodes.

The next few episodes will offer a peek into Al's relationship with Nifty; Viv says that Alastor is very fond of Nifty and he finds her to be fun and endearing in his own way

When asked who their favorite Vee is, Erika says Vox, Amir says "no comment" lol

Amir says "Alastor enjoys Vox the way he enjoys his area rug" THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT

Viv, on the finale: "Someone dies, but I'm not saying who" ...she implies that Angel Dust won't die in the Season 1 finale, so we can sleep easy tonight

[burgerkingussy]

My Favorite Thing’s From Milo’ New Audio

(spoilers under cut)

👁️‍🗨️ Sweetheart panicking when Milo came back injured

👁️‍🗨️ Milo’s soft “i promise i’m ok”

👁️‍🗨️ “it was from me, being a dumbass” (the way he said this was just so funny)

👁️‍🗨️ The pack boys go hiking together 🥺 precious beans

👁️‍🗨️ Milo trying to make SH asking to take off his shirt sexy (this man could rival Gavin istg)

👁️‍🗨️ “i did not mean literally poke you monster”

👁️‍🗨️ *SH kisses him* “that does not make it all better” (but then he asks for more kisses)

👁️‍🗨️ “i’m no stranger to a little physical fitness” oh we know

👁️‍🗨️ Milo calling Asher “the energizer bunny on a serotonin overdose”

👁️‍🗨️ Similarly, i just love how David and Milo refer to Ash even though they’re all the same age lol iconic king

👁️‍🗨️ Asher challenging Milo to race up a “damn near vertical” mountain

👁️‍🗨️ Milo calling Ash “happy-go-lucky” and then “a competitive prick”

👁️‍🗨️ “it’s a good time, right up until it wasn’t”

👁️‍🗨️ “damn, sweetheart” 👀

👁️‍🗨️ Milo kissing SH to reassure them while SH is healing him >>>

👁️‍🗨️ Milo confirming that running in wolf form feels good >>>>

👁️‍🗨️ “i’m not gonna be the first one to give up”

👁️‍🗨️ “and the energizer bunny, takes a tumble” WHY DID HE SOUND SO EVIL SAYING THAT???!!!?

👁️‍🗨️ Milo calling Asher one of him best friends and saying that he doesn’t want him to get hurt

👁️‍🗨️ “you’re not going to believe this next part, but as a wolf, i don’t have hands” (comedian Milo??)

👁️‍🗨️ Milo THROWING himself under Ash to BREAK HIS FALL DOWN A MOUNTAIN 😭😭 (when i tell you i love the relationships these boys have 🥹)

👁️‍🗨️ Milo calling himself Asher’s personal surf board >>>

👁️‍🗨️ Milo telling the most dramatic, terrifying story and then ending it with “it wasn’t that bad”

👁️‍🗨️ Milo not wanting Ash to feel bad

👁️‍🗨️ Milo endlessly flirting with SH while they try to heal him 😙🤌

👁️‍🗨️ Milo saying “i can get them” and then letting out with string of “ow’s” is peaky humor

👁️‍🗨️ Sweetheart practicing healing magic since (/because of) the inversion (/Milo’s core being injured)🩷

👁️‍🗨️ Milo insisting on showering even though he’s “covered in full body scratches”

👁️‍🗨️ Throwback Thursday to the first time Sweetheart healed Milo

👁️‍🗨️ “Asher used my shoulder blades as an impromptu pair of skis”

👁️‍🗨️ Sweetheart’s healing magic improving from “sledgehammer” to “barely hurt at all”/“god, that feels good” >>>>

👁️‍🗨️ “you don’t have to ask baby, i trust you. i know you’ll be gentle” THE SCREAM I JUST SCRUMPT 😭

👁️‍🗨️ WDYM ITS BEEN SIX YEARS?? 😭😭😭

👁️‍🗨️ Milo is such a little shit sometimes but i love him

👁️‍🗨️ “i felt bad about him feeling bad” Milo the Best Boy

👁️‍🗨️ Asher being able to see through Milo’s shit >>>

👁️‍🗨️ Also, Asher being an angel and offering to carry Milo because he was injured (they’re more than best friends, they’re brothers)

👁️‍🗨️ Milo STILL trying to make it sexy and sensual

👁️‍🗨️ Milo’s “come here come here” 💗

👁️‍🗨️ “I want to hold you for a bit,, and thank you properly”

👁️‍🗨️ “I love you so goddamn much” Milo and Sweetheart are thee couple. there, i said it.

👁️‍🗨️ “You feel like forever in my arms” MILO FUCKING GREER 😭😭

[thedragonemperess]

THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN JANUS SAID HE GOT PATTON AND THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN IT WAS A FUCKING CARD

[bobfloydsbabe]

I wish you would write a fic where mob boss Bob buys Abby a very lovely and expensive necklace and proceeds to fuck her while she wears ONLY said necklace but that's just me and my whorish tendencies

Abby, the scream I scrumpt. YES. ABSOLUTELY YES. If those are your whorish tendencies, then we can be whores together because my god 🥵 Let's pretend I didn't do copious amounts of research, so I can link the exact necklace Mob Boss Bob gives Abby. It was important, apparently. 18+/minors dni.

I wish you would write a fic where...

“There,” he whispers when he closes the clasp on the necklace.

Abby lets go of her hair and walks to the hotel room mirror to inspect the new piece of jewelry. Even from where he’s standing at the foot of the bed, he can see the blue stones sparkle around her neck, and the awed look on her face.

“It’s beautiful,” she says and turns around, fingertips lingering on the piece.

“So are you,” he tells her, sitting down on the bed. “Now, get over here so I can get you out of all those clothes.”

Abby offers a barely there smirk and walks to him in torturously slow strides. Stopping in front of him, she slides the straps off her shoulders and shimmies out of the dress.

He groans at the sight of her almost naked body and his cock twitches. She’s the most stunning woman he’s ever seen, and with that necklace, there’ll be no doubt she belongs to him, that she’s under his protection, and hurting her is certain death.

She reaches for the necklace, but he grabs her wrist. “Don’t,” he warns as he stands, towering over her. “The necklace stays on.”

She frowns, but he kisses the expression away, wrapping his arms around her naked waist. He lies her down on the bed, and his lips leaves hers as he peppers open-mouthed kisses down the column of her throat.

“Wanna fuck you just wearing that,” he mumbles against her skin. “You’re mine.”

THIS WAS DELICIOUS.

[z0mb1epuzzy]

THE SCREAM I JUST SCRUMPT

AAAAAHHHH

You are so good, honey don't even worry about it take your time!! Lowkey giving me ideas for a fic of my own now 👀

YES SWITCH VOX SUBBING FOR HIS BBY AND SWITCHING IN THE MIDDLE OF SEX IS SO FUCKING GOOD !!! He strikes me as the type who can dish it out but can't take it (I mean, do we remember Stayed Gone?) So you gotta play your cards right when he subs for you. But just imagine you get carried away, maybe edging him with a blow job and pulling away before he cums and while you wait for him to back off the edge you just kiss him and coo praise at him until as soon as he's off that edge you're riding that mf for all he's worth and he just can't take it so he grabs you, pushes you under him, and folds you damn near in half AAAAHHHHHH

THE DOM VOX TEASER ARE YOU KIDDING MEEEEEEE GIVING ME SO MANY IDEAS!! My oc is a lounge singer (siren vibes) so I can absolutely see him watching a show and getting possessive, making her grind on his thigh in public and edging her just to prove to everyone that they can look all they want but they should know who she really wants AH

THIS IS SO YUMMY OH MY GOD. no bc he would fully with absolutely ZERO hesitation fuck her over a table or something if she got too ballsy, like if she fucks w him a little too much and it started to set off his temper a little she’d be able to HEAR how his voice gets all glitchy. LIKE YOU SAID he can def dish allllll the teasing but absolutely CANNOT take it. like if he’d have the BIGGEST grin on his face while he’s making her all shaky and teary eyed from edging her sm but the SECOND she edges him while giving him a blowjob he WILL push her head back down and curse and kinda growl(?) (the thingy he did when he yelled at val) while gagging her on him LOOOORD!!

[littlemelaninfics]

Do you write for Harry? If so, can I get one where he has a show and his girl is acting out before so now he has to go on stage upset and punish her when he’s done? Maybe some ddlg vibes if you’re down

NO MINORS ALLOWED

tw: belting

This gif is the perfect representation of what he would do as soon as you two were alone in his green room

Like, okey. Imagine him doing this and you're just standing there like 🧍‍♀️ because you didn't know you made him this mad

He doesn't want you to have any mental comfort such as grabbing or biting the blanket

Tonight he wants to hear you beg

You clouded his brain during his entire set by the tones and the sass he had to endure moments before stepping on stage

Harry is used to having complete control on tour so when you, a guest, act out it reflects poorly on him for bringing you

Everyone seemed to get that message loud and clear except you. But you will...

He would stalk back over to you, his 5'11 height seeming more intimidating with his anger adding 10 inches

His whole hand would wrap around the back of your neck, pushing guiding you over to the newly stripped bed

The way he would push you down face first, dragging your ankles until your feet were dangling off the bed

Tonight you were not his little girl

Harry would yank your bottoms and panties down in one fell swoop, still not having said a word since he got off stage

You didn't dare look back, but you heard the metal of his belt being fumbled with and then a fast swooping sound

His hand ran over your bum before placing a kiss to your right cheek

You coudn't help but let a tear escape as you knew you were done for. What really hurt is how hurt you made him. You just wanted to be bratty that day

OOOOFFFF the first shot is always the hardest, they say. Harry would make sure to stomp that saying into the ground

Hands that big carry nothing but strength, and the grip he had on that looped belt was deadly

The screams. Oh the screams you scrumpt were deafening

It honestly fueled his rage that you could be playing the victim. He knew you were in pain, but what about his pain?

Can you imagine being in this situation with nothing to hold on to?

Damn those tightly tucked beds

The beautiful red welts forming on your soft ebony skin with each crack of the belt

“Daddy please! It hurts!”

The mindfuck of soothing your aches for only a second before landing another snack but with his hand this time

Your ass would be piping hot

But the aftercare…

He would still have you on your stomach when he went to get ice cubes wrapped in a towel

He would sit there with you, listening to your hiccuped sobs as he rubbed the ice over your sores

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” you said sleepily

Harry would give you a kiss to the temple as he watched you eyes slowly shut

He would definitely have to go for a walk after a session like that

And rightfully so

[kittykyryi]

Percy Jackson ep 5 thoughts

-Percy 'I Can't Read Social Signals' Jackson strikes again XD

-the percabeth hug >>>>>

-ares just said 'pop off' and i don't know how to feel

-i take it back i like ares a lot lmao

-the chest-clutching-gasp i let out when he said he'd keep grover?? was that in the books?? i don't remember it's been almost a decade since i read them and my library won't give me the first one yet because everyone else wants to read it now too :')

-percy and annabeth are peak adhd/autism solidarity and i love it

-the whole love tunnel on crack/hephaestus trauma dump/percy's god rant scene was *chef's kiss*

-SEAWEED BRAINNNNNNNNNNN ADSJKGANHO;DVN

-'he's not that way!' annabeth my baby i love you so much

-'thank you for the emotional abuse and the cheeseburgers :D' the scream i scrumpt. GROVER. MY MAN.

-there were a lot of changes from the book yet again, yet they were all done so well?? i have literally 0 things to complain about

i was literally glued to my screen this whole episode HOW DOES THIS SHOW KEEP GETTING BETTER