#the stuff of nature documentaries happens right here

[keeskiwi]

So much more of the natural world feels close and accessible now. When I started birding, I remember thinking that I’d never see most of the species in my field guide. Sure, backyard birds like robins and western bluebirds would be easy, but not black skimmers or peregrine falcons or loggerhead shrikes. I had internalized the idea of nature as distant and remote — the province of nature documentaries and far-flung vacations. But in the past six months, I’ve seen soaring golden eagles, heard duetting great horned owls, watched dancing sandhill cranes and marveled at diving Pacific loons, all within an hour of my house. “I’ll never see that” has turned into “Where can I find that?”

-Ed Yong, When I Became a Birder, Almost Everything Else Fell Into Place

[pansylair]

Hi :) do you happen to have any recommendations for documentaries/videos on Neanderthals, or other ancient peoples or ancient art?

(I rly love your work, all the warmth and roots deep in nature)

Hi! Thank you so much!! Unfortunately I don't have any documentary suggestions (via mainstream tv/streaming) as I've yet to find (or remember) one about Neanderthals (and other species) I've enjoyed from past to present. They also often seem to fall into an us vs them narrative which I find exhausting. The latest stuff like Secrets of the Neanderthals had a bold start stating they lived during the Neolithic which was uh???? No?? Personally I found it shallow and don't recall learning anything new. Then Unknown: Cave of Bones regarding Homo naledi sadly jumped to huge claims with no peer reviews (that were all negative to said claims) present. I'm sure people here should have good art documentary suggestions and such, I can't recall any off the top of my head right now. However! Some youtube channels that I love are Stefan Milo, Gutsick Gibbon, History of Humankind, and North 02. In terms of books, not much on me but I own a physical copy of Kindred - Neanderthal Life, Love, Death and Art by Dr. Rebecca Wragg Sykes and it was a wonderful read with tons of information and passion, very moving. Another is Prehistoric Art - the symbolic journey of humankind by Randall White. Lots of writing accompanying the photos but I find it very insightful, and certainly his mentioning that art history is a product of western society and how it impacts non-western cultures and artwork. I also very much appreciate him pointing out the term "venus" in reference to the carved figurines has a racist history connected to Saartjie Bartmann and other South African women and calls to abandon the term, using "statuette" instead. And here's one of my fave pieces from the book! A spear thrower from the Magdalenian culture of Western Europe in what is now France featuring two ibex. :)

Anywho, anyone reading this can certainly feel free to chime in with more recommendations for videos and books!

[dakusan]

thinking of seungmin kissing away your tears. for whatever reason you cry, got a bad grade or whtv, and when you cry he's just like !!! he usually acts like this meanie but he's actually really soft and when he sees you cry his heart actually hurts, so he's kissing away your tears and makes himself all silly silly to make his baby laugh. then when you do laugh only then will he be relieved. (can you tell i love him?)

(and to the anon asking about spotify: i actually downloaded audiomack to listen to the albums and it's actually so much nicer, and there's all the stuff i usually listen to AND you can download stuff! for free! no limits, just an ad, but still! it's really cool, worth looking into!) (if you're not on premium at least, since it has all the premium features on it's free version)

OH MY GOD 🧎‍♀️ anon you cannot just drop this emotionally disarming act of tenderness and walk away. i’m on the FLOOR. you think he’s hurting? I’m hurting. because you are absolutely correct—seungmin is 90% snark and 10% raw, unfiltered affection and when that 10% activates??? it’s over for all of us.

thank you so much for the Audiomack tip!! you’re a real one for looking out for the non-premium babies 🫶 this rec is genuinely so helpful for anyone wanting to listen to my songs—it’s giving seungmin pretending to be a puppy just to make you laugh through the tears 🥹💛 i am gonna try something with spotify soon though, so let’s manifest together, babes. big things coming. 💫✨

· · ──────༺♱༻────── · ·· · ──────༺♱༻────── · ·· · ──────

🐶 WHEN SEUNGMIN KISSES AWAY YOUR TEARS 🐶

the softest boy who pretends he’s not soft

— when you cry, he panics. Internally. The sarcasm flees his body and he becomes so still, eyes scanning your face like “who hurt you. give me their location. I’m sending a Google Calendar invite to the beatdown.”

— he cups your cheeks with both hands, leans in close, and gently kisses right beneath each eye. right where the tears fall. “You don’t cry alone. Not when I’m here.”

— the second he sees even a flicker of a smile, he’s like, “Good. Now I can go back to being annoying.” but don’t be fooled—he’s still rubbing circles into your back while doing a bad impression of your professor.

— makes you laugh by suddenly speaking in his weirdest voice. starts narrating your life like it’s a nature documentary: “Here we see a very sad creature... she’s crying... WAIT, she’s giggling. Mission complete.”

— won’t let go of you until he’s sure you’ve eaten, hydrated, and forgiven yourself.

— will never let anyone else see this side of him. just you. only you. that’s what makes it sacred.

— if you say sorry for crying, he shuts it down immediately. “No. None of that. You don’t owe me happiness. You just owe yourself kindness.”

— after you calm down, he won’t say “are you okay?” because he knows that’s not always the point. instead he asks,      “Wanna talk about it?” or “Wanna forget it happened and go bully Hyunjin in Mario Kart?” either way, he’s already booting up the console.

— later, when you're better, he acts like nothing happened... but then you find little things:      — a chocolate bar in your bag.      — your favourite hoodie freshly washed and folded.      — a sticky note that just says: “Even at your worst, I love you more than anyone ever could.”

· · ──────༺♱༻────── · ·· · ──────༺♱༻────── · ·· · ──────

M I N I  D R A B B L E

You don’t mean to cry.

You really don’t. You’ve been holding it in all day—biting the inside of your cheek, blinking too fast, swallowing down that awful lump in your throat like it’s nothing.

But then you say the words out loud—“I failed. I actually failed.”���and suddenly your vision goes blurry, your shoulders shake, and your breath hitches like it’s caught in barbed wire.

You don’t even see Seungmin move.

One second he’s sitting across from you on the floor with that usual deadpan expression, and the next, he’s in front of you on his knees, gently cupping your face in his hands.

His thumbs are soft when they catch the tears.

“…Hey.” His voice is quieter than you expect. No sarcasm. No smugness. Just raw, gentle concern. “Don’t cry. You’ll make me cry too.”

You let out a breathy, miserable laugh and immediately try to look away, but he won’t let you. His hands stay steady on your cheeks, guiding your gaze back to his.

“It’s not the end of the world,” he says softly. “It’s one grade. One moment. Not a measure of you.”

You sniff. “Yeah, well, it feels like—like I’m a failure.”

Seungmin frowns. For a second you think he might scold you—but instead, he leans in and presses the gentlest kiss just beneath your left eye. Then your right.

“You’re not a failure,” he whispers, brushing away a fresh tear with the back of his finger. “You’re my person. And my person is brilliant. Even when she’s crying. Even when she forgets how much I believe in her.”

And then—because he can’t stand seeing you cry anymore—he pulls the most outrageous face you’ve ever seen. Crosses his eyes, sticks out his tongue, raises his eyebrows like a cursed cartoon gremlin.

“…Did it work?” he asks, blinking dramatically.

You hiccup through a laugh, and he grins—boyish and relieved.

“There it is,” he says, dragging you into his chest. “There’s my favourite sound.”

He kisses the top of your head and holds you there for a long, quiet moment, letting the room settle again. His hoodie smells like fresh laundry and home.

“…I love you,” you mumble against his shoulder.

His arms tighten. “Yeah. I know. You better.”

· · ──────༺♱༻────── · ·· · ──────༺♱༻────── · ·· · ──────

thank you for the ask, angel anon—i’m biting my pillow like a Victorian widow over this emotionally repressed boy who turns into a human comfort plushie the second you cry 🥹🐶💛

and also THANK YOU for listening to my songs—like hello?? the way you trust me with your ears and your heart??? i am throwing flower petals at your feet. sobbing in lowercase.

you are so deeply loved in this space. pls never doubt it 🫶

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s6 episode 22 "biogenesis" thoughts

season finale time!!! 

i haven’t watched an episode in a week to avoid having to finish the season, but i have started working on my favorite moments list so i would be better prepared. and here we are!

mulder thinks that life began somewhere that isn’t earth… because of some metallic stuff… well. let’s investigate!

i hope we get some answers on his crankiness. but i’m expecting a ton of plot and little character development in this and the next one. but i can hope to be proved wrong! even if i don’t think we’ll ever beat the s2 finale. sighs… how good we had it.

(post-episode thoughts: i need answers. i need krycek's head mounted on the wall the way people display their ten point bucks. i need justice for skinner and to place both of the agents in a big cozy bed where they can have a sleepover.

this episode was actually pretty good! i'm a bit cynical when it comes to mytharc stuff because it is usually just TOO MUCH going on at once, but this one gave me lots to ponder. i love mulder whump and angry protective scully, so!! i was pleased. but also mad af at Certain Characters. i almost went right ahead and watched the next episode despite my system of rules, but it is a THREE-PARTER, and that is going to take me at least a week to get through ON TOP of still having to post my s6 favorite moments😭so i will just be stuck Suffering over here in cliffhanger land for the foreseeable future!)

anyway. back to the beginning!

ah. we open on the earth. i expect a monologue. oh! it’s scully this time!! i’m so used to mulder monologues on the nature of reality, this took me by surprise

scully is gonna tell us about single-celled life. from the sea. maybe that’s why she feels a kinship with the ocean. and then multicellular life comes next.

for a split second there, i felt like i was watching a nature documentary narrated in scully’s soothing voice. to be honest, i didn’t hate the experience. 

440 million years ago… mass extinction. no oceans. then plants. then bugs. WHAT? ANOTHER mass extinction after that? come on!! it was just getting good!

AND IT KEPT HAPPENING?? can you tell i’m not a science girly?reptiles showed up and then got killed off AGAIN? then birds and dinosaurs. and again. mass extinction.

okay, well i knew about the dinosaur one. give me some credit.

humans emerged 100,000 years ago. and this is the stuff i know. 

look at all of these very 90’s visuals. i feel like i’m in a bill nye episode.

“rising to a world population of over five billion people” well! it is still above five billion people. just… a lot more than that these days. 

ahh... i can just hear it. “you’re my one in eight billion, scully” (accompanied by a light forehead kiss)

she says we are all related to that one singular cell. which i don’t want to think about. but no one knows where that first cell came from. 

“is there a plan, a purpose, or a reason to our existence?” girl, you’re catholic! but i suppose even catholics who have a party line with all the answers to those big questions still muse on the nature of reality. especially if they are scientists and also named scully.

i don’t want to think about a 6th extinction… not of humans or all the birdies… and jaguars… no. we shall simply have to not die.

ah. now we have transitioned into the plot rather than musings on the meaning of life. men are shouting in swahili as something washes ashore. it is… a rock looking thingy.

intro time!!!!!! you can’t help but dance to such a spooky tune!! i still get nostalgic for watching season 1 last may sometimes! 

no special words on the intro this time… hmm! i thought we were due for some.

on the ivory coast, we see that krycek will be in this episode thanks to the opening credits. but other stuff is happening, too. the metal thing is here!!

it is taken to a university for studying. where a man (later revealed to be named dr. merkmallen) carefully unwraps another one!!! the two pieces look like they’ll fit together, but when he holds them next to each other, they merge into one and shoot across the room!

this guy’s office looks so cool. OH DAMN! the metal piece cut into his bible!!! a revelation indeed. and now it’s spinning???? and getting faster!!! he wraps it back up. 

ohhh, it cut into genesis as this fellow calls for an international operator… how… prophetic. 

three days later, the gentleman arrives at the american university in washington, which sounds like a fake name for a school, but it is a real place. he is looking for professor sandoz from the bio department. 

no! this other dude has monkeys!!! what is he doing with them??

sandoz is the monkey guy. and this other fellow is dr. merkmallen. sandoz welcomes him in and asks to see this mysterious object. merkmallen was almost detained for having it

ohhh, the monkeys do NOT like this mystery object. they are screaming terribly. i really do not like monkeys, bro. the pieces have merged together. 

oh shoot! when he asks merkmallen if he’s had any luck reading it, he realizes that is not dr. sandoz!! nooooo!!! leave him alone!!!!!!!

someone else hears the angry monkeys, and enters the room to find the metal piece missing. WHERE DID YOU TAKE MERKMALLEN? NOOOO!! he is dead on the floor!!!!!!!!!! come on, we just met the guy and you take him from us already?!

bow tie dude who found them dead seems freaked tf out

(we later learn that bow tie dude is the REAL dr. sandoz, and the other guy who dr. merkmallen was speaking to was named dr. barnes. i have to insert this note here because it makes sense when you're watching the show visually and can see the different characters, but typing this up can lead to some confusion. so. bow tie guy = sandoz. monkey guy = barnes. got it? okay)

hey! it’s skinner! polishing his glasses. saying he thought of someone, given the nature of merkmallen’s views. “i believe agent mulder is familiar with his work”

mulder is pondering. he looks good today. he usually does, but just thought i’d voice all the thoughts running through my head. scully reads his file- his body is missing. 

mulder says the word “panspermia”, which he says is a fringe theory.

OH! scully finishes his sentence. LMAO, yeah. she knows this concept: the idea that life began on another planet. mulder is watching her intently. 

skinner asks if it’s plausible, and she says it’s a theory. lots of scientific theories are plausible.

skinner hands her a rubbing of the mystery artifact that allegedly held the meaning of human existence. and dr. sandoz had made a similar claim in a SCIENCE (pointed mulder tone and look at scully) journal

but they can’t ask dr. sandoz anything… he’s missing!

scully thinks this is a police matter at best, but mulder says oh come on, skinner wants us on it!

this elevator is very crowded. yeah. force them into close proximity. hahaha!

oh… when he opens the paper, he can’t hear anything or anybody. scully thinks he didn’t want to listen to her say that she doesn’t understand his relentless pursuit of the truth, but he clarifies he couldn’t hear it!

OHHHH... scully with her arm up against the elevator….. yeah <3

“look, after all you’ve done, after all you’ve uncovered- a conspiracy of men doing human experiments, men who are all now dead- you exposed their secrets. i mean, you’ve won. what more could you possibly hope to do or to find?” “my sister”

oh, i GASPED! because at the end of the day, that’s really what it’s about. a boy looking for his little sister. sometimes we forget that with all the mothmen and slowburn stuff. but… man. my heart.

they head off to the university. where something is afoot, as shown by the shadow crossing the scene and someone snatching up crime scene evidence.

the police say they have a probable weapon with blood and prints, but no word of dr. sandoz.

dr. barnes, the head of the department, says there is plenty of speculation on what went down. “apart from his laughable ideas, my colleague was capable of almost anything to advance his rather questionable reputation” <- LMAO... so they did not like this guy or talk with him at faculty department meetings. got it.

he was speaking of a mystery artifact- scully shows him the picture and asks if he means this thing. and again, mulder hears a bunch of weird sounds!! scully watches as he leaves. and dr. barnes says that these men who claim life comes from elsewhere are embarrassments.

mulder’s trying to splash his face with water in a sad water fountain. aww. poor guy. scully asks him what it is. OH. she touches his forehead to look for a fever………… oh. see, that’s always gonna get me. he thinks it’s the thing making him feel terrible! 

she opens it and he hears it again. despite it just being a piece of paper.

scully is conducting some sort of meeting. “you’re late!” “i’m sorry, i thought this was my office” <- this is why you are being punished with evil ear noises

she called chuck to get an explanation. “you know me, this is right up my twisted little alley”, he says

chuck seems vaguely familiar to me, but not deeply. i'm sorry 💔 i guess i'm a fake fan

oh! the writing is a fake! it’s phonetic navajo, but it makes no sense in a literal interpretation. is it code?

maybe it’s a magic square? thankfully they explain what that means- it allegedly comes from god and is used for trapping and storing potential power. maybe that is what someone would want mulder to think it is.

change those projector slides. do not let the light hurt your eyes, scully! 

so barnes wrote an article exposing sandoz as a fraud. he made a career exposing science and religious fraud. but that was him at the beginning with the monkeys, right? and sandoz came in later with the bow tie? and then left?

why produce a fraud with navajo writing in africa? again! a great question! but when he puts the picture of the artifact on the projector, poor mulder's head hurts!!! 

OH!! she goes up to him and gently says “hey” and he groans….she leads him outside. so gently. could this pain have to do with what happened to him at the end of s2? where he was brought back from the dead with the navajo healing? and maybe somehow seeing the writing triggers something?

scully says she will schedule him imaging testing immediately- if nothing else, he should be home in bed! but he refuses, saying he knows what is causing this! he thinks barnes killed merkmallen! 

“well, i hope you’re not going to suggest that we arrest him on that rather baseless assumption” <- LMAO, she has time to be a little pain even when he is suffering

“no i’m not. not until after i show you what he did with the body” <-oooo, it’s getting juicy….

they go to visit sandoz’s place, where the landlord does not want to deal with them. DO NOT WAVE YOUR HANDS AT SCULLY, MR. LANDLORD! they’re searching about…. mulder finds some luggage from new mexico. 

OUR FRIEND ALBERT HOSTEEN!! pictured on the wall with sandoz!!! mulder says that maybe sandoz was using him to read the symbols… but scully says “or write them” <- now, albert is a good man!! do not accuse him of being involved in forgery!

i guess he could have asked albert to translate some stuff and then not explain what it was for... so he wouldn't have been in on the knowledge he was being used for forgery... but still. i think he would be deeply insulted at the thought of his culture being used to make forgeries of mysterious artifacts.

EUGH!! scully asks him to make good on his body prediction, and when mulder opens the trash, he does indeed find just this! it’s merkmallen!!! or just his head. NASTY!!!!!

the agents go to skinner, saying they think that sandoz is innocent and framed- just afraid for his life because of what he knows and has.

skinner asks him if it’s this (passes over the rubbing) and mulder is struggling….. “scully could you please tell…. what your medical exam found in the lab report?” he asks with his eyes closed. 

body parts were missing. all of which would show radiation. and they did find some radiation! cosmic galactic radiation! mulder insisted that they test for it!!!

OH SHOOT!!! he is getting worse… and says to skinner that he knows there’s someone else on the case that he’s not telling them about!!! “i hear it… in my head” “mulder, let’s go” 

ohhhh... she says he’s losing it!!! but he claims skinner is spying on them!! i do not think skinner would do this. scully banishes him home, saying she will look for the artifacts. and he doesn’t really put up a fight, which i know means he has something planned…

but shoot!! skinner closes his door…. and there was a camera in his closet!!! he pulls out the tape and hands it to KRYCEK!!!! NOOOO!!! because he has the kill switch!!!!!!! for his weird disease!!! nooo!!!

oh, skinner…. this is so sad. and how did mulder hear in his head that skinner had someone else on the case just from the rubbing of a piece of metal?!

krycek leaves after skinner and him stare at each other for a bit. 

scully heads down to a new mexico hospital, where she finds someone being rushed to another room. is that albert? there’s a translation of the writing on the artifact! IT’S A VERSE FROM GENESIS!! the same one that the artifact ran into at the start of the episode!!!

and it was mr. hosteen being wheeled out!! the nurse says she cannot tell her what is going on, but scully flashes the badge and says she knows him, and she confesses that he has cancer and is dying. :(

mulder is wearing casual clothes- one sleeve rolled to his elbow, one pulled down to his wrist, a bold fashion choice- in the university where barnes teaches. boy is doing some recon, i guess. he sneaks in somewhere he shouldn’t be…..

ah! he’s in his office!!! and barnes comes in…. realizes that his things have been touched…. and rushes back outside…. he goes to find the monkeys. where mulder was hiding!!! 

but mulder hears the stuff again!!!! and he keeps hearing it as he walks down the hall. bro is going to collapse in this hallway full of undergraduates. he tries to go up the stairs. but it isn’t working well. he’s crawling on his hands and knees and he falls!!!!! what is going on!!

meanwhile, scully is waiting for albert, who is rolled back into his room. but someone was watching him!!! and she chases after him!!! was that barnes?? where did he go??? the music is so creepy…..

she finds him!!!! it’s not barnes!!! it’s sandoz!!! she says she needs answers from him!!!

mulder is still on the ground, writhing in pain!! FUCKING KRYCEK FINDS HIM!!!! and just walks away!!!!! WHAT DOES HE KNOW?!?!

where is he going…….. he goes to barnes and says they are destined to be great friends, handing him the tape. why do they know each other....

back in new mexico, sandoz says that albert was the only translator that didn’t dismiss him- he recognized the importance of the artifact. but it was only one fragment. until merkmallen found two more. 

oh! he thinks the bible came from the aliens!! so would that make navajo the original language of the aliens??

scully is very skeptical. the newest section of writing on the artifact seemed to be just random letters, and albert was working on translating it when his health got bad. and it starts spinning in front of them!!!

phone call time. where is mulder??? he says he’s at home, resting. was he with marita? a woman answers...

scully is not pleased with his idea that aliens put us here. WHERE IS HE?? he says it explains everything. “mulder, i will not accept that. it’s just not possible” “well, then you go ahead and prove me wrong, scully” (cranky sick man hangs up)

HE’S WITH DIANA?!?!? I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THIS!!!! 

okay. so it is his apartment, which now has a bed. a very cozy looking bed, may i add. i'm happy for him in that regard. but in every other way, this situation is deeply unfortunate.

and diana is in his apartment. she’s calling someone, saying mulder is in distress, and she’s not leaving until she finds out. AND SHE TAKES HER SHIRT OFF???

GIRL, HE’S DYING!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!

she was talking to CSM?!?

holy hell... is diana going to assault him........? what tf is going on.

scully narrates again… the big bang. an act of violence. who did this?

no! albert is being taken to a funeral pyre!! she looks at the stars above. 

wait! he’s not dead. it’s the healing tent! sandoz asks if she wants to come, but scully doesn’t think it’s right for her to join, as she doesn’t share their faith. this is very respectful of her.

skinner calls!!! mulder is in serious condition!!! she has to get here now!!! but she told skinner that sandoz is in new mexico!!! will skinner have to tell krycek?? how quick can you get to DC from new mexico?!

somehow she gets back, but he's not telling her what is going on. skinner calls her dana and grabs her hand….. (omfg... has he ever called her dana before?!) and he says he doesn't know what is going on, but he knew she would want to be here.

mulder’s walking around in a padded room!!! mumbling!!! screaming!!!! and diana is here, too!! 

he’s too violent for them to run more tests!!! he should be in a coma!! scully says to let her try talking to him!! he wouldn't be a danger to her! OH........ oh.... :( she thinks he wouldn't hurt her.... oh. my heart.

“can we speak in the hall?” “about what?” <- OH! she does NOT have time for diana’s tricks… but skinner says her name… and opens the door. and mulder looks up at the camera watching him. 

OHHH what is going on here…??? skinner says that scully has evidence the case is a fraud, and she turns and says “i never sent you that report” <- OH!!!!!!

diana is asking if she can help him- she asks scully to tell her whatever she knows... she says she found him in the stairwell and he could barely speak.

OH!!!! she tells diana she’s a liar and goes to leave. skinner grabs her wrist and she says “you’re both liars”

OMFGGGGGGGGGG….. treacherous skinner CONFIRMED…. but it isn't his fault!!! she escapes from his grip. and he stares at diana.

back in new mexico, more chanting is taking place around albert. sandoz is there.

scully runs into the office, looking for bugs. and she finds a camera in the smoke alarm!!!! but just as she does so, the phone rings. is she going to answer….?

sandoz calls her from new mexico…. she says it’s not a secure line. why did he call right then?! he says the stuff on the artifact, when translated, reads as coordinates for the human genome!! 

but the horses are stirring out in new mexico by sandoz… and there is a gunshot…. and krycek picks up the phone!!! the rat bastard!!!! so did skinner tell him where sandoz was?? or was krycek listening in on the line?!

36 hours later. back on the ivory coast. scully is here!!! trying to find more pieces of the artifact!!! she is led to one….. and she reached in the sand…… and it’s huge!!!!!

it’s some sort of spaceship?? space cathedral?!? huh???? vaguely churchy music plays as the camera pans out...

to be continued?????

girl…. WHAT is going on!!!

skinner is being manipulated by krycek. sure. that’s fair enough. and diana is using mulder for CSM. but to what end!!! did she drug him?? why did she take off her shirt??? can they cure skinner and get him to stop doing all of this?? how long have they been getting spied on??? did the syndicate get to watch their whole baseball flirting session through that smoke alarm camera? is skinner attempting to plot his own resistance? it seems like he is just going along with the whole thing! and that is deeply unlike him!!

UGH!!! how will mulder get better??? was he okay in the time that scully was away??? she must have felt so horrible flying to another continent while he was so sick...

i might break my own rules and watch the next episode tomorrow, and THEN edit my notes. and i’m usually SO principled. i think i’ve only done it once or twice in the entire time i’ve run this blog. but i NEED to know. because like. this diana issue must resolve itself. and what about albert!!!! and fucking krycek!!!

ahhhh!!!!!

oh, FUCK ME!!! i clicked onto the next episode, and i saw that this is a THREE-PARTER, not a mere two-parter!!! so i basically cannot do this plan of watching them all at once!!! because i would get super backlogged when it comes to editing my notes!!! and i still have to do my favorite moments list from s6!! i simply cannot bite off more than i can chew!!! FUCK!

AHHHHH!!! well. i guess that means i’ll get these notes up tomorrow and then start on the favorite moments list. and not have answers. sadly kicks a rock….

so, i have many questions, and i anticipate that few of them will be answered. why is krycek working with dr. barnes? are they trying to expose the x files as fraud? because that is what dr. barnes does- exposes people for fraud? but then why would dr. barnes kill dr. merkmallen? unless dr. barnes is part of the syndicate... there's a pretty big difference between writing a scathing academic article calling bullshit on your coworker's alien theories and actually committing murder. so he must know of the importance of the artifact but is trying to conceal it... because that is the only explanation as to why he would kill somebody over it. and krycek said they were destined to be great friends... and i can't tell if that implies if they knew each other already...

so clearly dr. barnes is lying, because he knew dr. merkmallen was coming, and he asked if the writing had been translated yet. so he knows that the thing is powerful. okay. it's not super clear how his interests correspond with that of the syndicate, but maybe he's an alien?

so. the artifact. the bible MAYBE comes from space, and the aliens use the navajo language. sure. why not?

if it means we get to see our friend albert again, that makes me happy. but he isn't doing very well. it's almost like the writing on the artifact made him sick... because sandoz said that he fell ill when she started to translate it. maybe whatever is happening to him is also happening to mulder? and mulder is in the early stages of whatever it is? and so if scully can find a cure, maybe she can help them both?

or maybe it's something totally different, because mulder was screaming and having his brain go wild, whereas albert was said to have cancer. maybe one progresses into the other?

i am so troubled by skinner working with diana and krycek and CSM. obviously he doesn't want to be doing this! but is he just going along because he knows if he doesn't, he'll die? but he made that promise on his death bed to do better and help the agents more!! is he somehow sabotaging them? did he call her "dana" to tip her off to the treachery? he knows scully isn't stupid...

and scully knew right away that this wasn't a matter for the FBI, but once again mulder got taken in and fully believed the promises of investigating aliens with no real evidence to support it... only that it was coming from skinner, one of the few people he should be able to trust, and the terrible aching desire to find his sister that keeps him up at night and makes him so easy to manipulate...

fucking diana. i thought she was gone!! i should have known better. what is she doing with him? he goes from hearing things to having crazy brain activity when she conveniently finds him? did he really call her and ask for help? i don't buy the story for a second! and she calls CSM and says she won't leave until she knows what is going on... and then she takes her SHIRT off... is she trying to manipulate him? or did she straight up assault him? he's dying!! he doesn't want to see your boobs!!

scully immediately clocking that diana and skinner were lying to her face... yeah. this is immensely satisfying to me.

well. now i have to edit my other notes before i can watch what happens next. and as i type this up on a sunday, i imagine that it will be tuesday at the earliest before i get to watch part two. and then goodness only knows when i will be able to watch part three! this is deeply unfair! but alas. i stick by my routine.

diana and krycek... you freaks deserve each other... although i still think krycek/spender is far juicier. even if spender might be dead. sorry. i will speak my truth.

[creations-by-chaosfay]

I've decided if I do well this summer with sales, I'll take August off to give my hands and wrists time to make a better recovery from tendonitis.

This will depend largely on income. If my husband acquires and secures a job, this will be much easier. Selling my wares will also make a huge difference. The latter will require your assistance seeing as I need someone to purchase my work.

It would be nice to take a couple months off, but that likely won't happen unless someone significant happens. Winner a lottery of some sort, or a supporter deciding they wanna go the route of how wealthy folks took care of artists in the past. "Here's money to pay rent/mortgage, bills, and food. Now make stuff. I'll be back at some point to see what you did." Gods, that would be the dream, to have a monthly supporter like that.

My left hand is doing better, and tomorrow will be the last day of this little break.

When I close commissions November 1st, I'm taking four weeks off regardless. Burnout is very real, and not something I can afford. Thankfully, Dragon Age is coming out this Fall. A new console will be necessary, more specifically an XBox Series X. I have one on my wishlist, but it's for my husband. I have a feeling there's gonna be a limited edition XBox Series X/S made for Dragon Age. It'll be out of my budget though. A girl can dream, right? Regardless, I will need a new console for myself in order to play DA, and at some point Baldur's Gate 3.

Now, time for lunch, and keeping myself occupied. I cleaned my sewing room, organized patterns as best I could (I lack folders, binders, and a three hole punch), have things set up for the next quilt top (shouldn't take more than a day), and will now watch a nature documentary. I've watched all the volcano documentaries I could find, and I'm sad there aren't more. I really love volcanoes.

[theinternetgavemebraindamage]

Tales From A Self Check-out.

If I could possibly not spend over a 150 bucks on basic ass groceries, I might just keel over, and die from excitement. I'd really enjoy it a lot more, if it didn’t remind me of the shit on a stick state of the economy. Currently, I experience the weekly grocery run in a pool of flop sweats, deep breathing exercises, and a perpetual state of shock. They're charging 15 bucks for a slim bag of jerky?! It's a no for me, dawg. Though, I did pay 2.99 for one single purple onion recently.

On the average grocery run, it's also inevitable that you'll be exposed to the general public. I've actually been a lot more chill about this recently. Yes, my friends, you've heard it announced here, on the internet. For the very first time, I am embracing the general public. I may smile at strangers and say, "Hello there," when our shoulders pass and brush up against each other playfully. I may even strike up a conversation about the general state of banana ripeness in the fruit iles, because I'm very lonely.

The self check out is my holy grail. The final boss. I like the self check out. It makes me feel important, and in control. I'm earning these goddamn groceries. I also like to ring in my organic fruits and veggies under the non-organic prices. I'm under the impression that everyone else does this, too. We're all in silent agreement as we ring in items under their cheaper counterpart, together.

As I'm going through self check out, this dude comes over to the one next to me. He says hello to me, but in a weird elongated way that implies his attraction. "HelloOoooooO." I'm wearing giant obtrusive earmuff headphones. I'm not even listening to anything because my phone died in the car on the way here. Though I still wear them just in case a situation like this happens. I dont usually enjoy chatting with strange men. I know I said all that stuff earlier about embracing the general public. While this may be true, in this particular situation, the vibes were off. After I pretend not to hear him, he scoffs, and I hear him say "okaaayyyuuuuahhh". I go about my business, and he continues to talk out loud. "Wow, 22 dollars, not bad!" He's very proud of the monetary value of his purchases. I, however, have met a problem. I've never been good at estimating prices or basic 5th grade level math. I may look at my cart, and see a hundred dollars worth of items, but as I'm scanning them in I'm watching the number go way above the 170 dollars cash that I brought into the store tonight. I'd usually just use my debit card at a time like this, but I lost it about a week ago. The average normie might panic and block the card right away, thinking it could've been stolen. The ADHD in combination with the copious amount of weed smoking I did in my early 20s, shot my short-term memory to shit. Losing my debit card is a regular occurrence. In the meantime, I just survive off loose cash and wait for it to fall out of a random article of clothing. I just watched this documentary on the migration of whales from Hawaii to Alaska. It's the longest migration journey that a mammal takes. It fascinates me that they just KNOW where to go. They don't have a compass or Google maps. The documentary says that they tap into the Earth's natural magnetic field to help them navigate. Humans are mammals, too. So, with that being said, is it possible that I could reach the force that leads me to my lost debit card?

So, I'm there at the self check out. 200 dollars (worth?) of groceries, and only 170 to spare. The fluorescent lighting glares in my eyes a little bit sharper than it did before. I feel sweaty. I raise my hand like I'm a middle schooler desperate to ask for the bathroom. Not because I actually have to pee, but to exercise a little freedom from the educational prison and wander the halls. One time, in the fourth grade, I excused myself from math class and found a cozy closet in an empty special Ed room. I hid there for two hours until a random teacher opened it. "What are you doing?" She asked, naturally, in a sweet southern accent. I panicked, "uhhh, I'm looking for the bathroom." To this day, I kick myself for not coming up with a better excuse. She politely showed me the bathroom anyway, even though she totally knew I was full of shit. Then, I rejoined the kids at recess time, and nobody noticed I was gone.

The Safeway worker comes over to me, and I explain to him the situation. Just as I do, the dude from before starts making exasperated noises, as if he's suddenly insecure about his once joyful amount of grocery to price ratio. He alerts the Safeway worker that's in the middle of helping me. "Once you're done with that, I need your help. Though, it's not NEARLY as bad as her problem." Screw you, random strange man. Was he not just trying to get my attention 3 minutes ago? Now I'm the girl with the problem.

I take off some of my items to dwindle the price down to match the amount of scratch I hold in the zipper head of my pink teddy bear purse. "...And I'll take the beets off." It was my last request. My sweet ginger pickled beets. They were the hardest to see go. "Ahh. Beets." The random strange man comments from the sidelines. In a way, that didn't express cheer or disgust. It was more of a statement. The meer acknowledgement of beets existence. Finally, I turn my head to give this guy a look. His feature prove exactly how I pictured them in my head. A cross between a fast fashion version of Liam Nesson and one of those ginger kids on South Park. He gave me a twitchy smile that reminded me of the moment before my first kiss. I was thirteen, with my first boyfriend, in a dark theater watching the Blind Side. I remember feeling nauseous afterwards. As the random strange man smiles at me, I resist the natural urge to smile back. I read somewhere about a serial killer who would smile at women in public and then target the ones who would reciprocate the friendly gesture. Then, I feel a particularly wave of sadness that comes when you live in a society on the brink of a SiFi dystopia. One where kindness from strangers is lost, and I pay twice as much as I need to for basic ass groceries.

[survey--s]

593.

Are there any bugs you find cute? Which ones?   Sure, I love ladybirds, dragonflies and butterflies.

Have any keys fallen off of your keyboard? How did this happen? o: No, not on this laptop but it's happened in the past - mostly because I don't really look after my stuff as well as I should.

When was the last time you felt stuck in a rut? Did you get out of it? How?             I don't really remember to be honest - that rarely happens nowadays.

Would you prefer to live in the city or the middle of nowhere? Why? Probably the middle of nowhere as that would be better for the lifestyle I want - which mainly involves lots of animals.

What is your earliest memory?   Getting told off by my dad for falling asleep on a beanbag right in front of a hot radiator.

The person who annoys you the most: What’s so irritating about them?   Ha, I don't really know who that would be.

Do you remember irrelevant things easier than the important things? No. My brain just seems to remember everything.

Do you sleep easily at night?       I've actually been sleeping SO well recently. I'll probably jinx it now but honestly I haven't struggled in weeks.

Out of everywhere you’ve ever been, where was your favourite? Lake Louise in Canada, or Sardinia.

Where would you like to travel next?       I would absolutely love to visit Japan or Iceland, but realistically it will probably be somewhere like Scotland as we have the dog to consider.

Do you prefer scarves to keep you warm or as flimsy accessories? I love the look of scarves but honestly I find them really overwhelming to wear as they cause all sorts of sensory issues.

Do movies ever inspire you to dress like the characters? Name a few: Not so much now, but as a teenager I was often inspired by random movie characters lol. Nobody in particular springs to mind though.

Do you own any clothes that used to be your friends’ / relatives? Yeah, I have jackets and shoes I got from my mum, and as a teenager I always got my cousins' hand-me-downs when we went to visit.

Who do you know that shares your birthday?       A girl named Lizzie who used to go to the same running club as me.

What are some of your interests?             Photography, dogs, cats, horses, riding, nature, being outdoors, trashy reality TV shows, fantasy novels/films.

Do you care more about people’s basics or what makes them unique? I mean, both are important.

Are you a shy person?   I'm not shy, I just don't like talking to new people.

Do you watch any educational TV shows? Which ones? I like nature documentaries and stuff, and sometimes history ones, but they're not really things I go out of my way to watch anymore.

What is one of your favourite items of clothing? My oversized grey knit sweater.

What colour is your dream car? Purple.

Do you like your music loud or soft?         It depends on where I am, who I'm with etc.

Can you sleep through things easily or does it need to be deadly quiet?   It depends. Some nights I sleep through anything and others I can be woken up by the dog huffing about lol.

What are some of your favourite words?               Discombobulated.

Do you believe you only find true love once?       No.

When you see lyrics as survey titles, do you guess the song they came from?         Sometimes, sure. I don't really see that much very often nowadays, though. It seems to be more of a Xanga thing.

Do you prefer live or studio versions of songs?     Studio, unless it's just live with no crowds.

Are you open with people? Not in real life, but I am on here.

If you’re not interested in something, do you find it hard to pretend? It depends on the situation - I'll feign interest if it's like, a client or something, but I'll happily tell Mike or my parents that they're boring me LOL.

If you could learn one skill, which would you choose?       I'd love to be able to sing in tune, or if we're talking about like, idealistic skills then I'd learn how to speak to animals.

Would you want to see your future, if you could?               No.

Do you ever feel a huge sense of dread? I have done in the past, yes.

Can you give directions easily? (Map directions, not as a boss)     Yeah, I can read a map pretty well.

Do you get overly offended when people criticise you?   It depends - sometimes it really upsets me but sometimes it really doesn't bother me.

Is there anyone you don’t know, yet you still dislike heavily? Who / Why?               I mean, murderers and paedophiles? For obvious reasons.

Can you deal with being told what to do?               Not very well, which is one of the reasons I went self-employed lol.

What’s your favourite kind of hat?             I don't really like wearing hats.

What do you find most attractive about yourself?             The way animals like me, even the ones that don’t tend to like people.

What is one of your biggest fears? Is it irrational?               Dementia or something, and no, I don't think so, as there's not really much you can do to prevent it either way.

Do you daydream often?               Yeah, fairly often.

A distinguishing feature of yours: What is it and do you like it?     I don't know...my glasses? I guess I don't mind them.

What is the nicest thing somebody could tell you?             That I’m worth something to them. <--- I like this answer.

[aquadestinyswriting]

OK, so replying to these tags. Popping everything under a readmore because this is gonna get long.

#re that first one: that's fair :') titles are hard tbh and also lbr#looking forward to seeing what the AU is going to be titled! 8)

Thank you. Yeah titles are usually the hardest part about this writing thing for me. I think I'll likely have a working one by the time I get to around chapter 8 or 9 (which will totally end up as the actual title in the end because I'll get attached ^_^;).

#but also oooh so she's *not* a dwarf#ngl the beard is totally what made me wonder! but I'm fascinated by the fact that it's a genetic thing#I wonder if that means she counts as intersex which would be a cool thing to think about

I thought it might be and the intersex idea is a fascinating one, but I'll need to go do a lot more research into it to make sure that it's handled well. We covered the topic a little in my degree, but not in any great depth, it was more of a passing topic kind of related to something else we were learning.

#also tysm for the geographical context! I had a feeling it was someplace northward#but now I have something to look up specifically to get better mental images 8) 8) 8)

You're very welcome. The area around Fort William and Ben Nevis is gorgeous and I swear I saw a hill that looked like the perfect place for a dwarven hold on the way up there last year. I'll need to get my dad to stop so I can get a decent picture if we end up that way again this year. We zoomed past so fast I couldn't get my phone out in time. I swear, the highlands look like something right out of a fantasy novel.

#also I'll be real it sounds like you've managed to adapt a lot of the DnD politics to a 90s backdrop rather smoothly#(though I'll also be real in saying Toreguarde's partial destruction hits differently knowing what I know about UK politics in the 90s :')#but in any case I'm definitely looking forward to those plot things haha

Thank you very much. Having watched all of Due South by now and living in the UK has helped a lot. I obviously picked up a lot more about the political climate here in the late 80s through to mid 90s than I thought, but that's not too hard given the best satire shows we've ever made are from that time. Yes, Prime Minister is probably going to a major source of inspiration for some other background characters later on. Glad you're looking forward to the plot

#and also? I'm fascinated by the fact that so many of your characters wound up in politics or police or military#like I totally understand given the nature of what writing an AU of a political fantasy would need to entail#but still I gotta admit sniper was not a thing I was expecting haha#and totally okay to nothing set in stone—you are after all just getting started!

It is a bit weird, especially since the first campaign I took part in was your standard High Fantasy shenanigans. I think my husband just wanted to explore the fallout of some of the major catastrophic events that happened. To be honest, he was also on a major UK history documentary kick at the time, and he loves incorporating things from the media he's watching and reading into his plots. There were still plenty of high fantasy shenanigans in the Destiny's New Servants campaign, but there was also a lot of quite gritty, political shades of grey stuff thrown in.

As far as my characters getting into politics or the police/military, part of that is the political fantasy and transplanting that into a more realistic setting. It's also partly because this whole thing was inspired by that Due South marathon, and also partly by the fantasy that good cops will win and actual justice will prevail in the end. Also, Elowyn started out as a watchperson, so partially blame Dru as well, I guess :P.

This is a massive tangent, but I guess it helps that there's a class I took throughout secondary school called Modern Studies*. It's a class that goes over things like recent history (basically everything from the start of the Cold War onwards, because history ended when WWII did, duh! *insert eyerolling emoji here*), the political structure of various countries and world powers, starting with our own, and major current events and news**. It sparked a love of political intrigue and working out how different kinds of government, military and police forces would function in fictional societies.

*This was a mandatory class for the first two years, then was one of the social sciences choices for Standard Grade and onwards (the other two being history and geography). I took both the Standard Grade and Higher classes, so I took it from 1st year through to the end of 5th year.

**I was in 4th year in 2001-2002, so I was in the second year of my Standard Grade courses. Needless to say, we spent a good few weeks on a certain event that occurred a month after we started that academic year. And at least one class a week going over the major events that were going on afterwards at least once every few weeks for the rest of the academic year.

Ayyyy, Aqua! :D Happy STS! So I'm making my way through Titan Modern AU, and . . . actually, take two questions on it. 8)

I have legitimately looked everywhere, and I am severely curious. :') Have you thought of a title for this one, or is its title literally just Titan Modern AU?

More importantly, tho, how much did you have to change to make the world of Fangthane's Folly fit the modern day? (And what did you end up keeping? I notice there's magic and dwarves, but how different are these bits compared to their DnD roots?)

Hope this ask finds you well! :D o/

Hi Jax, this is technically a day late, but not really because time zones are a thing :P. I am very well, thank you. I am enjoying the fact that the words seem to be flowing quite easily for the time being and taking advantage of that to write a lot for all my ongoing series and creating new ones. Thanks very much for the questions, I have a lot to talk about with this AU :D. Answers are under a cut because the second one is going to get quite long.

Question 1

I don't currently have an actual title for this one yet. I have a tendency to title WIPs towards the end of writing them and this one is no exception. I have some vague ideas, but I'm not too concerned about it just yet. Especially since there's a high possibility that this one is going to throw some major curveballs my way once I get into the thick of the plot that might well change the kind of title I want to give it.

Question 2

Ah, the dwarves are technically not a thing for this one. Everyone is more or less human, unless it's directly stated otherwise. The reason Fangthanian women can have beards at all is down to a slight genetic quirk which means they are pre-disposed to much higher testosterone levels than average. The Throffite community, in particular, is very insular and tend to inter-marry within themselves due to a history of discrimination against them.

As to how I changed the setting to fit with the modern aesthetic:

I've modelled Fangthane city a little bit after towns like Fort William, since the location of Fangthane in Allansia has a relatively similar geography to that of the Scottish Highlands. So Fangthane city is no longer built into the mountain, but is a city that was built very close to the mountain (which is now called Ben Oir). Extrapolating from there, and taking into account the maps that exist of Allansia, it was a a matter of figuring out how and why there would be outposts for the kingdom that are so far away from the capital. In that case, an old empire made a lot of sense, and taking into account the relative time period this AU is set in (roughly the 90s to early 2000s), it also made sense that said empire had been disbanded, but that communities deriving from it still exist (hence why Stonebridge and Firetop are still mainly natively Fangthanian). So, yeah, culturally speaking Fangthane is basically the UK transplanted into Allansia at this point.

I wanted some of the history of Toreguarde to remain intact because there are plot things related to that that will pop up later in the story. The city was almost destroyed, officially, by what is considered to have been a terrorist organisation that was working on behalf of another state and/or one of the ruling council of Toreguarde of the time who went just teeny bit mad with power (Greydown was an absolute ass in canon, and is in this AU too).

As the setting, rather purposefully, appears to be lacking in magic, no mentions are made of demons, portals or the breaking of reality, even by those who were present at the time. The remaining Heroes still exist, but I'm working out what their exact roles in all that were. Egrim is still a priest, so that's him covered. Alexis, upon talking to Dru about it, was probably a sniper that was a part of the military forces of Toreguarde at the time, while Selene was probably some sort of science-y nerd person brought in to help explain some of the weirder stuff that went on that was kind of acknowledged and then later given plausible and sensible scientific explanations. She just happened to be somewhat decent at this diplomacy lark when communication with the reinforcements from Fangthane started going south, hence her current role in the story. She probably worked quite closely with Ivan, who I have yet to figure out the details of, with regards to that. I also need to figure out what Fai did and what happened to him...

I am doing a lot of this worldbuilding and adjusting Fantasy canon on the fly, to be quite honest, so not a lot of it is set in stone just yet. However, I have given some thought to the Throffite community both in Fangthane and in Toreguarde and some of their history and culture, drawing a lot on what I established about Throffism in the fantasy canon and doing some major research into the irl history of such things to make sure that anything I write about it is handled as sensitively as possible. I have also written copious notes on the hows and whys of the fractious relationship between Fangthane and Toreguarde that would fit in with more modern (Western, as that is what I'm familiar with) political norms.

[shiorimakibawrites]

The Conversation (Alley Cat #10)

Image credits: kissthemgoodbye.net / Amber Kipp / Nathan Dumlao

Pairing: Matt Murdock x fem! Reader

Word Count: 5701

Summary: Matt Murdock and Reader have a conversation.

Warning(s): Awkward flirting, thirsty Reader, frank thoughts about sex and sexual acts, referenced character death, referenced ableism, hurt/comfort, cat antics

Author’s Note: This turned into a beast. It took longer to write than I expected as after I wrote the first draft, I realized the muses had presented the events out of order. I wasn't expecting both horniness and angst but here we are.Hope this was worth the wait.

Can also be read here

Series Masterlist is here.

The Conversation

by Shiori_Makiba

You poured yourself a cup of coffee. You were trying not to worry that you had completely misread the situation. It was hard. Because it was past midnight and there was still no sign of Daredevil. As you doctored the coffee to your liking, you once again tried to tell yourself that you were worrying about nothing.

Maybe he was just busy. That Houdini had managed to escape while you were in the shower. Usually if he wasn’t intercepted, that meant Daredevil was busy. You hadn’t heard more sirens than usual but that didn’t mean it wasn’t rowdy out there. It could just mean that said rowdiness wasn’t happening that close to your apartment.

Maybe he had gotten hurt again. You hoped not. Or if he had, you hoped that he had listened to the Night Nurse for a change and was resting. A delay wouldn’t do your nerves any favors but you’d rather he delayed your conversation than be the reason he tore his stitches or otherwise aggravated his injuries.

Maybe it wasn’t even his Daredevil side that keeping him busy. Assuming that you weren’t crazy and he actually was Matt Murdock . . . well, he could have a lot of legal work to do. Nelson & Murdock didn’t seem to have a paralegal on their team. Which meant they were doing all the research and writing themselves. You were intimately familiar with how long both could take. Maybe Page was assisting them on that front, assuming she had the training to do so. And the time since she might be too busy with her investigative work.

Even if she did assist them, they would still need to read her drafts and the cases she found for them before submitting any of it to the court. At least if they were sensible. Nothing against Page – you remembered her articles in the Bulletin and was sure she would do just as well on drafting motions and legal research. Just that Murdock (and Nelson if he was aware) were already risking their licenses enough. No need to risk Rule 11 sanctions on top of it.

The point was that being a lawyer (if he really was a lawyer) would give him plenty of reasons to be burning the midnight oil.

There were a myriad of other possible reasons. You didn’t know anything about his family. One of them could have an emergency of some kind. Or it could be something silly like he decided to take a nape before going on patrol and forget to set his time-to-fight-crime alarm first . . .

If you were right . . . Matt Murdock’s hair, in addition to looking very enjoyable to run your fingers through, seemed like the kind to produce incredible bedhead. You snickered. Imagining him trying to stuff that kind of fluffy mess under his helmet struck you as funny.

You were still snickering as you made yourself comfortable on the couch. You picked up the remote and started browsing through the streaming options. You had been watching nature documentaries earlier but had almost fallen asleep. You loved learning about animals but you almost always fell asleep watching them. Maybe it was narration. There was something rather soothing about a soft-spoken voice telling you about fish . . .

But you needed to stay awake so more nature documentaries were out. You settled on The Princess Bride. You had seen it a million times but figured that a million and one wouldn’t hurt. Despite the fact that you practically had the film memorized, it didn’t take long for you to become thoroughly engrossed in the story.

The sudden knock on the window made you jump. Heart pounding, you looked over at the window to see Daredevil standing on your fire escape, Houdini held in one arm. Immediately your heart slowed to a more normal pace. Seemingly aware that he now had your attention, he gave you a cheeky little wave.

It was a little tempting to leave him standing there for giving you a heart attack but that would mean leaving Houdini out there too. And that wouldn’t be fair to Houdini. Besides you had been waiting far too long for this conversation. So you paused the movie and went over to the window.

You unlocked and opened it. You were about to hold out your arms for the now familiar transfer of cat but paused. Houdini’s coat was messy. It looked like he had been rolling in dirt and there were tufts of fur missing.

“Houdini, have you been fighting?” you asked the cat. Who just meowed at you.

“Yes,” Daredevil answered. “With an another cat in an alley not far from my apartment.”

You sighed. “Hang on while I get a towel. I don’t want all that alley yuck all over my shirt.”

“No, you don’t,” Daredevil agreed with a slight grimace. Probably because he had said alley yuck all over his gloves and suit from carrying the cat from that alley to your apartment.

That gave you an idea. When your brother had come to visit you, he had forgotten some of his clothes. He was about the same size as Daredevil. And it was just a pair of sweatpants and muscle shirt. Which ought to be flexible enough for him to wear comfortably.

You detoured to your bedroom to retrieve the forgotten clothing, then went to the linen closet in the bathroom to grab a towel and some washcloths. Daredevil was waiting patiently on the fire escape when you returned, Houdini less so. You sat everything but the towel on the coffee table and went over to the window. There you accepted the transfer of Houdini into the waiting towel.

You stepped to one side of the window and said, “Come in and make yourself comfortable.”

“As you wish,” he said with a little amused grin. Like he was making some kind of joke.

He swung one leg over the still, ducked his head down to move his upper body through the window, and then pulled his other leg inside. He moved with an easy, fluid grace. You tried not to be jealous about his ability to avoid tripping over his own feet as he closed the window.

As soon as window clicked shut, you felt the nerves you had pushed away earlier return. Up until now, this impending conversation had been mere potential. Something that may or may not happen. But now that he was standing in your apartment while you held your dirty cat in the towel, it no longer felt like a maybe. Like there was no avoiding telling him you were pretty sure that he was Matt Murdock.

You decided to distract yourself by attending to the necessary task of getting Houdini cleaned up and checked for injuries. You bent down and retrieved the washcloths before walking into the kitchen. You hoped that mess on his fur could be cleaned with a damp cloth. Neither of you liked it when you had to give him a bath . . .

“You don’t seem surprised,” Daredevil said.

“About what?” you asked as you turned on the kitchen tap and waited for the water to warm. Houdini wasn’t going to like the damp washcloth at all but he would like it even less if it was cold.

“Houdini fighting. Is that something he does often?”

“I’m not sure often is the right word,” you said. “But no, this isn’t the first time he’s come home after clearly being in a fight.”

“An escape artist and a brawler,” Daredevil said, sounding amused.

“Yes, you two have much in common,” you said which earned you a chuckle. You tested the water. It was warm enough and you wetted one of the cloths. As predicted, Houdini reacted to the cleaning with his usual attitude – lots of meowing and squirming.

“Yes, yes, I know. I’m a mean mommy,” you said, forgetting that you had an audience until Daredevil laughed. He sounded closer than the living room.

You looked up to see that he had indeed followed you into the kitchen. There was something surreal about Daredevil standing in the same room as your collection of funny coffee mugs and various craft projects gifted to you from your niece and nephew.

“I meant what I said,” you said as you turned back to your task. Thankfully whatever that gunk was, it was cleaning away easily. “Make yourself comfortable.”

“I don’t want to get the ‘alley yuck’ on your couch,” he said.

Here was your opportunity. You took a deep breathe, gathered your courage, and took the plunge. “You can use some of the washcloths on the coffee table to clean off your suit or . . .”

“Or?” he asked.

“You can change into the clothes that are also on the coffee table, Mr. Murdock.”

You watched as the little amused smile morphed into a pleased grin. He reached up and removed his helmet. And there he was, Matt Murdock standing in your kitchen.

“Call me Matt,” he said smiling.

You didn’t know why seeing his face right now had such an impact on you. You had seen it at the office. But in the hallway, time had been limited and your eyes had zeroed in on that familiar mouth. Later, when you were signing paperwork, you sneaked glances but didn’t want Nelson to catch you ogling his partner.

Through he was so handsome, you were pretty sure that Nelson was used to people checking out his partner. If not outright undressing him with their eyes. You couldn’t be the only one whose eyes had been unable to resist the urge to rove over those broad shoulders, thick thighs, glorious ass, and that pretty mouth.

Maybe because at his office, his eyes had been hidden behind those red sunglasses. This was the first time you had ever seen his eyes. Big, brown eyes. Looking at those eyes, you just knew that he had a killer sad face. The kind that could make you feel like you had just kicked a poor, innocent puppy. That kind that no one could withstand because no one wants to feel like a puppy-kicking monster. Hopefully no one had informed him of this powerful weapon in his arsenal.

It was a good thing that his helmet covered so much of his face. Apart from the whole not wanting to get arrest and go to prison thing, he looked a lot less intimidating. Part of that was, without the helmet, he looked younger than he probably was. Which you guessed was early to mid thirties. You supposed he could actually be younger than that but when you tapped the rumor mill, no one had said anything about Murdock being the Doogie Howser of law. They mentioned his disability often enough that you assumed that teen genius would have come up.

Add in those aforementioned big brown eyes and fluffy brown hair, the end result was that he looked about as scary as a puppy. Maybe he would look scarier when he was angry. Or maybe you just weren’t the best judge of his scariness since he had never scared you.

Making you jump being a sneaky-sneak didn’t count.

You had been right about the hair. Helmet hair wasn’t the same as bedhead but it is still a delightful mess that your hands itched to bury themselves in.

Keep your hands to yourself, you told yourself sternly. Matt isn’t your cat. Or puppy. You can’t just pet him.

But you wanted to. Houdini, sensing your lack of attention, took the opportunity to squirm out of your grip. Your hands being free only made the desire worse. You wondered if you would need to literally sit on your hands to stop yourself from doing something stupid . . .

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, bringing your mind back to the present. Matt was no longer smiling, his hands fidgeting with his helmet. His shoulders were hunched, almost like he wanted to hide. His eyes were filled with uncertainty and a growing sadness.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” you rushed out. You were right to be worried about those eyes. That wasn’t even a full sad puppy face and you still had absolutely no resistance to it. “Just got lost in thought.”

“Oh?” he said. You were right about the eyebrow raising accompanying that particular tone. “About what?”

“Your hair,” you said. And because apparently your brain-to-mouth filter was disabled, continued, “It’s very fluffy. I want to bury my hands in it but you aren’t a cat. I can’t just start petting you . . .”

You clapped your hands over your mouth but the damage had been done. You groaned. That was easily the most embarrassing thing you had ever said to anyone, let alone a cute guy.

While obviously surprised by your word vomit at first, it was soon replaced with something else. Delight. It transformed his already handsome face into something indescribably beautiful. You felt yourself get weak in the knees. It wasn’t fair. He was already sexy. Why did he have to be pretty too?

Matt threw his head back and laughed. It sounded so cheerful that you couldn’t even get mad at him for laughing at you.

“Oh sweetheart,” he said between chuckles. “You are welcome to touch my hair anytime you want.”

“Really?” you asked.

“Really,” he confirmed before his smile shifted to something wicked. “Along with anything else.”

You blushed. You could think of several things. None of which were appropriate. Especially before the first date. Assuming he wanted a date from you. It seemed like it but maybe outrageous flirt was just his personality and all he wanted was more like friends with benefits.

You weren’t opposed to getting laid. You hadn’t had sex with anyone other than yourself in a long time. But you knew you wanted more than just sex from him. Even if it was good sex.

“Maybe later,” you muttered, forgetting for a moment about his super ears. Until his bark of laughter reminded you.

“I think I’ll take you up on that clothing offer,” he said after he got his laughter under control. “If you would show me where the bathroom is?”

“Sure,” you said. And, after a quick detour to the coffee table to grab the clothing, you lead him to the bathroom. And got a quick crash course on providing useful layout information to a blind person. Even one whose remaining senses had been enhanced to a superhuman degree.

While he sat down his helmet and started removing his gloves, you took out some washcloths out of the linen cabinet and set them down on the counter.

“Washcloths if you want to clean the alley yuck off of your suit,” you said.

“Thank you,” he said. He had already gotten the top of the suit was loose, offering a tantalizing glimpse of muscled chest. You felt your face heat.

“Y-your welcome,” you said and fled the bathroom. Before you did something like see if he was serious about letting you touch him anywhere you wanted. Keeping your mind out of the gutter was already hard enough without seeing him nearly naked. Assuming he was wearing something under that suit. For all you knew, he was nude under all that dark red leather and Kevlar.

And now you were picturing it. Again. You have got to stop imagining him naked. You were already awkward enough around Matt . . .

You jumped when you felt something brush against your leg. You looked down and saw Houdini rubbing against your legs. Little sneak. Well, you needed a distraction so you would stop thinking about Matt naked. Houdini was good at being distracting.

You bent down and picked up Houdini. You started petting him and used the action to check him for injuries. You hadn’t seen any injury when you cleaned him but his coat was pretty thick. It would be easy to miss something. Maybe because his earlier capture and cleaning, it didn’t take Houdini long to want to be put down.

And after you checked one last spot, you would do just that. Which Houdini complained about. Loudly.

“What are you doing to that cat?” asked Matt. You jumped and lost your grip on Houdini. Who wasted no time escaping. You sighed. He probably wasn’t hurt but you liked to be sure. Cat bites could be nasty.

“Trying to make sure he didn’t get bitten or something,” you said. “He is obviously cooperative and not a pain in the ass about it. Doesn’t remind me of anyone at all.”

Matt laughed but notably didn’t deny the accusation. “Would it ease your mind to know that I didn’t smell any blood on him when I picked him up and still don’t?”

“Yes,” you said, feeling relieved. You turned to looked at him walking up the hallway and felt your mouth go dry.

The good news was that your brothers clothes fit. The bad news was that they fit. The gray sleeveless shirt displayed his arms and all their muscular glory. You knew he had muscles. Anyone who went around punching crime in the face like he did had to have muscles. The suit hinted at muscles. Those hints were nothing to actually seeing it. You were mesmerized by everything from the big muscles of his upper arms down to the forearms covered in dark hair and the large hands with thick fingers.

You bit your bottom lip. You weren’t going to gasp or moan or make any other embarrassing noise. That heat you had felt earlier returned with a vengeance. Especially as your mind supplied you with heady images of those arms picking you up and tossing you on the bed. Those hands wrapped around your wrists, pinning your arms over your head while he . . .

A soft call of your name broke the reverie. You blushed when you realized that wasn’t the first time he had called your name either. Then blushed hard when you saw the smug smirk on his face. He knew. He knew you were checking him out and was very turned on about it. How did he . . .

A sudden and terrifyingly embarrassing realization struck you. It wasn’t just his hearing that was enhanced. It was everything. Including his nose. You had worried about his bloodhound nose earlier but that had been about smelling bad from various body odors. But what if he could smell things like pheromones? Or the slick pooling between your legs?

Seeing his tongue swipe across his lips made you wonder if he could taste it?

You buried your face in your hands, feeling the heat of your skin against your fingers. Every time you thought something dirty about him, had he been able to tell? Discern it from the racing of your heart along smelling (and tasting) you getting wet from those thoughts?

“A penny for your thoughts?” he asked. It was question but the tone was more of a demand. His voice had gotten a little rough, closer to the Devil than Matt Murdock. You peered between your fingers at him. He had stopped in front of you, his eyes landing on your chest. Anyone else and you would thought he was ogling your breasts. But Matt couldn’t ogle. Not with his eyes anyway.

But those eyes that were dark with hunger . . . and you looked down. And had to bite your lip again to hold back a sound. Those sweatpants did nothing to hide his growing erection and your cunt was throbbing with need. Almost against your will, you shifted closer. Just a little further and you’d be pressed up against him . . .

A strident yowl shattered the growing tension. You jumped back, startled. Looking behind you, you could see Houdini standing by his wet food bowl. Which was empty. When it was well past time for his nightly treat. Hence the irate yowling and the swishing tail.

Part of you wanted to angry at the cat for being a little cock-block. The other part was grateful for the interruption. Having sex, as enjoyable as it was looking like it would have been, might have set the wrong tone for this relationship. You wanted Matt to date you, not just fuck you.

Still it took more willpower than was pretty to step away from him. To turn your back and walk over to Houdini’s feeding station. As you spooned out the fishy food, you were hyperaware of Matt’s presence and his focused attention. Not wanting any further interruptions, you double-checked the dry food and water bowls.

That completed, you took a couple of deep breaths. And feeling a little more bit more in control of yourself, you turned back around to look at Matt. It looked like you weren’t the only one who managed to wrestle back some self control. His eyes were still dark but he no longer looked like he wanted to eat you.

You tried not feel disappointed about that.

“Um, maybe we should sit down,” you said, gesturing toward the couch.

“As you wish,” he said with a little twitch of the lips and slight lilt to his voice. Like he was making a joke . . .

Your eyes widened and you blurted out, “You’ve seen The Princess Bride?”

And immediately cringed. What had happened to your brain-to-mouth filter? You knew you had one. Otherwise you would have fired from your job ages ago after telling a client or one of your coworkers what you really thought about them and their unclear instructions and/or unreasonable demands . . .

“Yes,” he answered with a fond smile on his lips. “Foggy loves it and introduced it to me while we were at Columbia. I enjoyed it so we’ve watched it several times.”

You nodded. That would fit. Despite that hidden edge of sharpness, Foggy Nelson had seemed like a Princess Bride kind of guy.

“That explains a lot about The Man in the Mask,” you said,

“Does it?” he asked.

“Unless those grainy photographs have deceived me, your black outfit is very Dread Pirate Roberts,” you said. “Minus the rapier.”

“Disappointed?”

“A little,” you said with forced casualness. “The rapier is pretty cool.”

“Cooler than batons?”

“A stick just doesn’t have the same je ne sais quoi as rapier.”

“Inconceivable! Batons are infinitely cooler than rapiers.”

“Look, I’m sure your stick is very impressive . . .,” you started before stopping when he started snickering. Then you realized how your words could be taken and blushed.

“Most impressive, I’m told,” he said with a wicked grin. “I have also been praised for my skill in wielding it.”

You knew he wasn’t talking about the batons he used against criminals. You felt your blush deepen as you couldn’t keep your eyes away from the bugle in his pants. It hinted at a promising size and inevitably your mind recalled your fantasies. How you imagined he would feel inside you. Your cunt clenched around nothing. You couldn’t stop yourself from pressing your thighs together and squirm. It took everything not to reach down and start touching yourself. Or walk over to him and yank those sweatpants down . . .

Your eyes flicked up to his face and sure enough, that smug smirk was back. Along with that hungry look. His hands were curled into fists at his sides and his body was stiff with tension. Like it was also taking everything in him not walk over and start pulling your pants down . . .

Somehow you forced yourself to move away from him. To go to the couch and sit down like your cunt wasn’t aching with need. You tried to focus your mind on something other than sex. You didn’t even notice him moving until his weight settled on the couch. On the opposite end. That was good (It was bad insisted the horny parts of your brain). You weren’t sure you would have been able to stop yourself from straddling his lap if he had sat down next to you (horny brain insisted the only problem was that you both were wearing too much clothing . . .).

“So,” you said, trying and failing to prevent your voice was sounding breathy. “How about those Mets?”

That startled a laugh out of him. “Are you really asking about baseball?”

“I thought that’s what you were supposed to do,” you said, trying to joke. “Think about baseball.”

He chuckled. “I got told to think about Jesus.”

“That’s . . .” You paused and tried to think of way of describing it that wouldn’t be considered insulting. “A very religious answer.”

“Well, they were nuns.”

“Nuns?” you repeated. “Are you Catholic?”

“Guilty,” he said.

Somehow it fit. Of course, the blind ninja vigilante lawyer was Catholic. Only a Catholic would have the operatic level of drama needed to dress like the Devil to beat up criminals by night and be a criminal defense attorney by day.

He only laughed when you told that. But rather tellingly, he didn’t deny it.

After he got his laughter under control, he said, “I know you must have questions. You can ask.”

You plucked at the hem of your shirt. He was right. You had so many questions. Many of which even had absolutely nothing to do with sex or how he may or may not feel about you.

“I’m not sure where to start,” you admitted. “What was everyone else’s first question?”

“Are you really blind?”

You frowned. “Someone actually asked you that?”

“Several someones,” he answered. “Pretty much everyone when they discover that I’m Daredevil. For the record, the answer is yes, I’m really blind.”

“I never doubted that,” you said. “Please don’t take this the wrong way but pretending to be blind sounds like a lot of hassle for very little benefit.”

“Exactly,” he said. His lips pressed into a thin line. “Trust me, I’d rather people didn’t treat me like I’m made of glass. I hate that.”

You didn’t know what to say about that. You weren’t sure there was anything you could do say that wouldn’t sound like pity. But maybe he didn’t need you to say anything. Maybe he just needed you to listen and try not to repeat other people’s bad behavior.

“I can’t promise that I wouldn’t mess up,” you said. “I can only promise to try. Can you promise to tell me when I’m doing or saying something wrong? Or when I’m making bad assumptions?”

“I can do that,” he agreed. “I have a question.”

“Go ahead.”

“Most people seem surprised that I can fight at all. But you don’t seem surprised. Why?”

“Oh,” you said. “I read an article once about blind martial artists while researching. Don’t remember much of it – it’s been years.”

“Are you looking for articles about blind martial artists?”

“Probably not,” you said. “I fall into these research rabbit holes where I started off curious about one thing but end up reading or watching something unrelated to the original topic because it sounded interesting.”

He gave a hum of understanding.

“One of those forays lead me to a documentary about this group of blind people who had learned how to echolocate. Again, it’s been a while since I’ve seen it so I’m probably not remembering everything correctly but I figured if someone with normal human hearing can do it, someone with your senses ought to be able to.”

He nodded. “I can. And that’s a large part of how I navigate my surroundings and fight. But it isn’t just echoes. It’s other sounds like heartbeats. And it’s differences in air pressure and temperature. Put them together all and with a little concentration, I can build a picture in my mind of what and who is in my surroundings. There’s no detail. Just shapes. But it’s enough that I can basically tell where, example, the table is. Or when someone is trying to punch me.”

“Sounds like a lot to process,” you said.

He shrugged. “I’m used to it. My world on fire.”

“Poetic,” you said. “Why fire?”

“Because those things? Air currents, temperatures, echoes? They aren’t static.”

“Like a candle flame,” you said, hoping you were understanding his metaphor correctly. “Sometimes they burn hotter. Or grew dim. Or flicker.”

“Exactly. The ‘flames’ I can perceive can and does fluctuate depending on the circumstances. Everything from the weather to how loud somewhere is can change the flames.”

You nodded, thinking carefully. As much as someone who wasn’t directly experiencing it could understand it, you think you might understand.

“You said it takes a little concentration?” you started. Encouraged by his nod, you continued, “Am I wrong to assume that things that affect your ability to concentrate impact this world on fire?”

“No, you aren’t,” he said. “It’s harder when I’m tired or I have a headache. And when I lose control of my filtering process and get overloaded.”

“Filtering process?”

“I get a lot more sensory input than I can realistically deal with,” he explained. “Before I learned how to control my senses, I would alternate between screaming and catatonic. The nuns thought I was either crazy or possessed.”

“You spend a lot time around nuns?” you asked. Even for a Catholic, that sounded odd.

“Catholic school,” he said. “And I lived at St. Agnes Orphanage until I was eighteen.”

“Orphanage?” you repeated.

“Yeah,” he said. “My mother left when I was baby and my dad died when I was ten. The rest of the family was either dead or wanted nothing to do with me, so I wound up at St. Agnes.”

“What happened to your dad? Was he sick?”

“No,” Matt said. He closed his eyes and his hands tightened into fists. “He was murdered.”

“Murdered?” you echoed, shocked.

“Yes,” he said. His eyes opened and they were filled with a familiar pain. The same pain you saw in your parents’ eyes when they talked about family members who died before you were born.

“He was a boxer. They called him Battlin’ Jack Murdock. Don’t feel bad if you’ve never heard of him. He wasn’t famous. Never hit the big time. Just a local fighter but he was one hell of a fighter.

“We never had a lot of money. Unless you get to be a big name, boxing doesn’t pay all that much. My dad made ends meet doing low-skill construction work or other temp jobs that didn’t require any education. I never went hungry but I know that he did a few times to make sure that I didn’t.”

There was fierce, defensive edge to his voice. Almost like he was daring you to say that his dad was a bad father.

“But after my accident . . . things got harder. We didn’t have any health insurance and I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks. Then I needed specialized training to learn how to orient myself and read braille along with things like my cane. We got a lot of it of what I needed for free or a charity paid for it.

“But my dad hadn’t worked while I was in the hospital. Since the chemicals that had blinded me were radioactive, the doctors were afraid I was going to get radiation sickness. That is a slow, painful way to die and my dad didn’t want me to be alone if I started getting sick like that.”

You couldn’t take it anymore. You slide down the couch until you were right next to him. Tentatively, unsure of how it would be received, you reached and placed your hand on his shoulder. The muscle was taut with tension. But he didn’t jerk away from your touch. Gently, you squeezed his shoulder before sliding your hand across back until you arm was draped across his shoulders. A very light hug that he could easily shrug off if it was unwelcome.

Apparently it wasn’t unwelcome. He leaned into you, resting his head on your shoulder and nuzzling into your neck. You took the opportunity to wrap your arms around him and give him an actual hug.

After a few minutes of silence, he continued, “Even after I was released, he still wasn’t working as many hours as he was before. It was suggested that we sue the company that owned the chemicals and my dad did find a lawyer willing to take the case pro bono. But as I’m sure you’re aware, those kind of suits can take years to settle, let alone make it to court.”

You nodded.

“In the meantime, the bills were very tight. We were behind on rent. So when a man offered to pay my dad to start throwing his matches, he took the money. Boxing is a young man’s sport so when my dad started losing, people just thought he was getting old.”

Matt took a deep but shaky breath. His hands were clenched so tightly that the skin over his knuckles was white and the veins were in high relief. When he spoke again, his voice was tight with pain and anger.

“Then one day, he didn’t throw the match like he was supposed to. That man had his men beat my father. Then that bastard killed him. Shot him in the head and left him in the alley like he was trash. I heard the whole thing. I had just turned ten.”

Your heart broke for him. You wanted to say something but again, there was nothing you could say. There were no words you could speak or actions you could take that would make everything all better. All you could do was hold him and hoped it helped him hurt less.

You didn’t know how long you sat there on the couch with him in your arms, hands carding through his hair. You didn’t care. As long as he needed the comfort, he was welcome to it. Eventually the tension drained out of his body.

When you started hearing soft snores, you realized that he had fallen asleep. Unwilling to wake him up if you could help it, you slowly and carefully maneuvered the both of them until you were laying down with him mostly on top of you. It would probably feel embarrassed about it in morning. But that was a problem for Future You. Present You was tired and wanted to sleep.

So you closed your eyes and fell asleep.

Ending Note Hope no one minds me making Reader a fan of The Princess Bride.

Reader and Matt will talk more in Part 11, currently titled "The Morning."

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 10th of December 2022

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 9th of December 2022

How does Harry feel about the Netflix reality show right now?

Note: There is a very ugly energy coming through some of these cards, so please be prepared to encounter the ugly side of human nature when you read this reading.

Interpretation: He is happy for the hurt it has caused but at the same time it is becoming a burden to him.

Card One: The Knight of Pentacles. This is the card of an earth sign person, particularly a Virgo, and as such it represents Harry himself. It is confirmation that this reading is about Harry and his feelings, and not e.g. Harry and Meghan as a couple. The Knight of Pentacles is about working slowly and steadily to achieve a goal, doing a lot of 'grunt work' to reach a goal. By drawing this card for Harry instead of e.g. the Hermit card, this is telling me that Harry is very satisfied with his reality show. He feels he has put in a lot of hard work over a long period of time and this is the result. Seeing the reality series on Netflix is the goal that Harry wanted to achieve, and he is feeling pleased and satisfied and smug about the whole thing. He thinks that what he sees as all his hard work and his huge effort is about to pay off.

Card Two: The Ten of Cups. This is a card about being fulfilled emotionally, of creating harmony in your family, of a fulfilling romantic relationship. It is the card of Happy Ever After. The card shows the wedding of Eros and Psyche on Mount Olympus. The gods in this deck usually represent the royals, so this is a royal wedding.

This card tells me that Harry is very happy at the moment. He is floating in a cloud of domestic bliss, and he feels like a newly wed again. I think that things have improved with Meghan since the first three episodes of the documentary aired, and I suspect that Harry is currently being love bombed, hence his state of romantic bliss and domestic harmony. With respect to the reality show itself, this card says that Harry is very, very happy with how it turned out - he could not be happier about what was said on the show.

Card Three: The Ten of Wands. This is a card of burden, of seeing your creative dreams burn down around you. The bliss of the 10 of Cups will not last. The reality show is going to become a burden to Harry, one that he will be carrying for quite some time. What he expected from this show is not going to happen, instead the show is going to burn down around him - it will fail to achieve what he wanted and it will leave him open to some very nasty PR (as Wands can be PR). Harry is going to be carrying the consequences of this reality show in his PR image and in his other creative ventures (his book, BetterUp etc) in the future.

Card Four: The Magician. This is a card of manifestation. Here it has the energy of PR, and especially PR spin. Hermes, the god shown on the card, is the god of communication. Harry is going to have to spin this reality show to try and mitigate the negative outcomes. He is going to have to walk back statements and create smoke and mirrors to try and convince people that what they saw and heard was not what he meant.

Card Five: The King of Pentacles. This is an earth sign person, particularly a Taurus, and here it stands for the late Queen Elizabeth. The public is and will continue to be outraged with how Harry has treated his grandmother in his reality show, and the PR spin of the Magician card will in part be to wave away this treatment of Queen Elizabeth and replace it with something else. I would not be surprised if there is more stuff that is derogatory to Queen Elizabeth II in the next part of the series, or even if Harry tells outright lies about her. He is trying to change one or more perceptions around the late Queen using PR, and that could be something in the reality show or because of what he says and does in the realty show.

Underlying Energy Card One: The Moon. This is a card of lies, deceptions, illusions, things not being as they appear. This is what Harry wanted in the reality show - his 'truth', not what really happened, - and that is what was achieved. The show is all lies, deceptions, illusions, things appearing other than how they were. Harry was a willing participant in all the lies and illusions that have gone into the show. He wants to be able to manipulate events into supporting his narrative instead of showing what actually happened.

Underlying Energy Card Two: The Three of Swords. This is a card of pain and heartbreak. Harry feels that he has been grievously hurt by the BRF and so he is going to use this reality show with all the lies and deception within it to hurt the BRF in turn. He wants to hurt his family, he made the show to hurt his family, and he is happy about how they will be hurt by it. There is a very nasty energy coming off this card, of someone imagining the pain that he has caused others and gloating about it. Harry is glad the reality show has hurt his family. The thought gives him a vicious satisfaction.

Major Arcana: The two major energies in this reading are the Magician and the Moon - PR spin and lies/deceit/illusions.

Multiple Numbers: We have two cards that number ten. Tens are endings, the end of a cycle, so this reality show is the end of something or somethings for Harry.

Conclusion: Harry is very satisfied with the reality show. He sees it as the result of a lot of hard work and effort that has happened over a long period of time. To him it is Oscar material. He is very happy that the show is being aired, in part because it has improved his romantic relationship and family life, and in part because he wanted to hurt his family and he is enjoying the pain that his lies and deceptions have caused them. This will not last. The reality show will become a burden to him and he will have to put out a lot of PR spin to try and soften the damage it has caused to his reputation, especially around the subject of his grandmother, the late Queen. For now, however, he is floating in a blissful cloud of domestic harmony and satisfaction over having hurt his family.

[fixfoxnox]

my friend, i am begging you for legitimate advice: how tf does one make plot????

most of All of my writing is just thinking everything up on the spot with no plan bc whenever i do try to think things through beforehand i always overthink the tiny irrelevant shit and end up stressing myself out and dropping the whole idea for months like it personally wronged me

i have this au i wanna do and i have like all of the world-building done, i know all of the general stuff and managed to actually keep the basics pretty basic, but i have No Idea where to start with actually organizing a digestible presentation of this world

(i’m like a tolkien sorta writer where i can invent these vast, complex, in-depth worlds unlike anything else, but when it comes to picking One Guy or group/s to hover over like a nature documentary as they just go around doing things and then i also need to make this little whatever interesting and entertaining at the same time??? i’m useless T^T)

Hi, okay I'm going to give advice to the best of my ability, but please know that I am by no means an expert, and what I say might not work for you! Every writer is different and your process will reflect that!

So the biggest thing that I think a lot of people forget when coming up with a plot is that plot isn't just one thing right, there are pieces to a plot that work together to create a cohesive story.

The five elements of plot are: Exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and conclusion. I think that part that you are likely getting caught up on, that a lot of people get caught up on, is rising action.

It seems like you already have a lot of exposition through your world-building, and you can work that stuff in throughout your story, not just at the beginning. So let's just focus on Rising Action.

It seems to me like the issue that most people have with getting their story started is that they don't really know what their conflict is going to be within the story. So let me ask you a couple of questions that could potentially help. I'll try to give examples as well so you can see fully what I mean.

Where do you want this story to go? What is the ending conclusion that you're aiming for? This doesn't have to be something fully concrete yet, it could be something as simple as two characters getting together, one character becoming king, one character dying, etc.

So for SiTO: Where do I want this story to go? Well, my end goal is to have Soap/Ghost/Roach together in a relationship. I also want Roach to fully accept his place in his new life and be happy.

What type of conflict exists in this world? What is stopping your end goal from happening? This will help you determine conflict as well as some things that are going to happen within the story.

So for SiTO: What is stopping Roach/Soap/Ghost from getting together and Roach being happy? Well, currently it's Makarov, but on a deeper level, it's Roach himself and his first life.

Then from here, we ask some of the bigger questions, or as my playwrighting professor called it: The Seder Question.

What makes today different from every other day?

Why today? What starts our story? If let's say, your characters are constantly going on little adventures, what makes the adventure that you're telling us about different? Why does this adventure become something different?

Essentially this question asks you, what starts your story in motion.

So for SiTO: What makes today different from every other day? Roach dies and is reborn. That's what's different.

Ask yourself how this initial story beginning action or change impacts your characters. How does this initial beginning action eventually lead us to our end goal for the story?

If you're struggling with which character to focus on or which group to focus on, you may want to consider going through your world and determining which characters have the most connection to some of the conflicts going on in your world. So, for instance, let's say in world building you decided that one of your kingdoms was going to war and that is a major thing going on in this world. Which of your characters has the most connection to that war.

Generally speaking, it might be easier for you to determine which characters you want to use after you've determines what the main conflict of your world is. If you have multiple conflicts at once, you should try to connect them to one another in some way and, if you can't, you might want to consider either scrapping or putting whichever conflict on the back burner for the time being (So maybe you really like a conflict, but it doesn't fit in, so we save it for later when the other conflict is either taken care of or not such a big deal anymore.)

I also find that typically, when I'm writing, I may have one character who sticks out to me as the easiest to write from. If you're having trouble deciding between different characters, you might choose a short little writing prompt for yourself and write something short for it with each of those characters. This will give you an idea of which of the characters you actually seem to want to focus on as writing for them will likely be a bit easier.

I would also like to say, I find it much easier to fully put together a plot and little mixes when I have the end goal and, most of the time, a climax for the story in mind. From there I can more easily build up to those goals.

As I said, I am not an expert and this may be more kinda rambling than usable advice, but I do hope I was able to help at least a little bit!

[nitewrighter]

for the teen Titans ficlet thing, I don’t suppose you could do “there was only one bed” for robin and starfire?

*slams fist down on table* STARFIRE IS THE BIG SPOON.

----

"I think you are overacting," Starfire said, her arms folded across her garish tye-dyed nightshirt.

"Overreacting," Robin corrected, adjusting the waistband on his sweats as he stepped out of the bathroom, "And--I'm not. I've slept in lean-tos in the Alaskan hinterland and in literal trees in the Virunga mountains. I can handle a hotel floor."

Starfire scoffed. "You are being ridiculous! It is a bed! There is room for two! Plenty of my people sleep in Tesh'li!"

"Er..." Robin gave her a blank look and Starfire seemed to realize that that word hadn't translated over.

"Uhm..." Starfire's brow furrowed for a few seconds as she struggled for the closest english equivalent, "Tesh'li are like... clusters? P-piles? It is very common for families."

"...Tamaraneans sleep in piles?" Robin's brow crinkled at the mental image.

" Tesh'li. 'Piles' implies gravity is a strong factor in the composition of bodies," said Starfire.

"...right, floating..." Robin said quietly.

"The whole team had a big Tesh'li in that cave when we had that mission in Markovia!" Starfire said, clearly frustrated, "Beast Boy turned into a grizzly bear and Cyborg turned off his cooling systems to share body heat! You and Raven even shared your capes! Why is this worse? Am I worse?"

"It's not worse--I mean obviously you're not worse-- it's just---when it's just two people--" Robin drew in a tense breath through his teeth before slumping his shoulders, defeated. "It's like... an earth... thing."

"I am aware that earth has many things," said Starfire, clearly not satisfied with this answer.

Robin sighed.

"Oh!" Starfire perked up, "It is one of your earth intimacy hangups! Because large portions of your population spent several centuries convincing yourselves that your natural instinct to be close and reproduce were affronts to your creator deities! And that still lingers in your cultural practices!"

"Uh..." Robin didn't really have a response to that.

"I have been reading the Earth histories," said Starfire, a little smugly.

"That's great," said Robin, meekly.

“Well it is not like any of ‘the funny business’ will be happening,” said Starfire, using the finger quotes around the words ‘funny business.’ Robin really regretted letting Beast Boy teach her how to make air quotes with her fingers and that she had only been getting better at figuring out when to use them. “But I will respect your cultural practice and let you sleep on the floor, even though that is dumb and a little gross and you will wake up with the aching back.”

"You sure are a diplomat, huh?" said Robin, drily.

“Mm-hmm!” Starfire nodded.

This was supposed to be a victory in the argument for Robin--since Starfire was recognizing the boundaries he was laying out, but who was he laying them out for if she didn’t care about them? Himself? Alfred had made a point of bringing him up to be ‘proper’ and ‘gentlemanly’ (perhaps to make up for some shortcomings with Bruce) but Robin’s own childhood in the Circus was closer to what Starfire was describing--the performers spent so much time traveling and setting up and breaking down the circus that they had to catch sleep when they could, sleeping in piles, often with little regard for gender or age. He remembered sleeping splayed across his parents’ laps when he was small, or with his cheek smushed against Samson the Strongman’s bicep, or even in the pile of poodles, borzois, and border collies that made up the act of ‘Rivka’s Fabulous Tumbling Dogs.’ Sometimes he would even wake up with white greasepaint smudged in his hair from sleeping on one of the clowns’ shoulders. But now here he was, feeling like a bit of an idiot as Starfire pulled some sheets off the bed and the extra pillow and handed them over to him, before plopping down cross-legged on the bed herself and turning on the hotel room TV. 

“Did you want to watch something?” Starfire glanced at him.

“I’m fine with whatever you want to watch,” Robin shrugged.

Robin took the uncomfortable wooden chair next to the too-small hotel table where their mostly-eaten one-half pepperoni one half pineapple-anchovy pizza sat. Starfire quickly flicked through the channels until reaching a public access channel where a reindeer bellowed on the screen.

“The noble caribou,” the narrator spoke, “A proud fixture of the tundras of the north that have roamed these grass-covered polar deserts for thousands of years.”

Robin gave a glance over to Starfire who was lying on her stomach on the bed and kicking her feet back and forth, her chin in her hands like any preppy teenaged earth girl watching her favorite low-budget cringeworthy high school drama starring 29-year-olds.

“But this is not a story of the caribou, no we will focus on a friend who has been here even longer,” the camera panned down to a caribou gnawing some knotty, netted-looking substance from the ground, “That industrious, unsung hero: The lichen. This is... Life of Lichen.” 

“What happened to ‘World of Fungus?’” Robin tilted his head.

“You remembered?” Starfire perked up.

“I mean it’s your favorite,” Robin shrugged, “Or I guess this is your new favorite?”

“Life of Lichen is the sequel!” Starfire said excitedly, “Technically it is the third sequel. The first was ‘Our Friend the Algae,’ the second was, ‘World of Fungus’ and now it is ‘Life of Lichen!’ Because you need both algae and fungus to create it,” She paused a bit, “I can... change it if you prefer something else though.”

“Nah I kind of like it. It’s calming,” said Robin, “I used to only research stuff for like... missions and investigations... it’s nice to just... be interested in things.” He craned in his seat a little to see better.

“There is room,” said Starfire, scooting herself over, “You can see better here.”

Robin paused for a few seconds, then got up and took a seat on the bed, propping some pillows up against the headboard for himself to lean against. 

“While lichen bears superficial similarity to moss, there are many differences, the first starting with composition. Mosses, of course, are plants, while lichens are composite organisms, there are over 20,000 known species...” The documentary narrator continued talking as the camera panned across a rainbow of lichens on the side of a rock and Robin found his eyelids drooping, 

He could have sworn he only rested his eyes for a few minutes when he suddenly startled awake. Most of the hotel room lights were off, save for the bedside lamp, the credits were running on the TV and the previews were next week’s episode were promising to delve into the exciting world of lichens growing on trees, as opposed to this episode which mainly featured lichens growing on rocks.

“Starfire?” Robin said, his voice hoarse with sleepiness.

“Mm?” Starfire was already turning around and fluffing up her pillow, the faint green glow of her eyes creating a low spooky light in the room.

“The floor’s kinda gross,” said Robin.

“The floor is indeed gross,” said Starfire.

“Is it cool if--”

“It is very cool,” said Starfire. She reached and got the pillow he had on the floor next to the bed and passed it over to him.

“Alright,” Robin got under the sheets. Maybe he would have found more energy to be flustered about the action if he hadn’t been lulled by an hour of a husky British accent talking about lichens. Starfire seemed to be respecting his ‘earth intimacy hangups’ and slept on her side with her back to him.

“G’night,” said Robin.

“Sleep well,” Starfire’s voice was half muffled into her pillow as he turned off the bedside lamp.

It didn’t take too long for Starfire’s breathing to go slow and rhythmic, but Robin was still staring at the ceiling. 

God, I made that weird, he thought, Why did I have to make such a big deal about sleeping on the floor? I mean I literally was repeatedly saying it’s not a big deal and it wasn’t but now it’s a whole thing. What if she thinks I don’t like her? What if she knows I like her but she’s really pushing the alien thing so we don’t have to address it? No that’s awful, she wouldn’t do that--earth means too much to her to do that. That was shitty of me to think. ‘Earth Intimacy hangups.’ I don’t have earth intimacy hangups. I should probably let her know that it’s probably not cool to tell people they have ‘earth intimacy hangups’ right to their face. I’m cool with it though. Because I don’t make big deals of things. I mean it wouldn’t be a big deal to sleep on the floor. Oh god I’m obsessing over this. 

He turned on his side so that he was facing her back in the bed. He stared at her, watching her shoulders slowly shift with her breath. He tried to match the pace of his breath to hers. 

Tesh’li, huh? he thought, and he felt his eyelids get heavy. He imagined a distant world with high-ceilinged palaces, and a family sleeping in a pile on a heap of luxurious cushions and circular futons, one of their two daughters hovering upside-down just above them. His eyelids slowly slid shut, Doesn’t sound so bad...

He woke up at 2 in the morning drowning in hair.

Starfire was hovering about a half foot off the bed, half the blankets hanging off of her, still in that same ‘lying on her side’ position, though now angled so that the majority of her hair was piled directly on Robin’s face. Robin sputtered quietly, pushing hair out of his eyes and mouth and flinching hard as he realized Starfire was floating.

“Star-pft-fire?” he whispered hoarsely, still pushing hair from his face.

“Robinnn... Kan’ah peq lor-faon eshdarm...” Starfire murmured in Tamaranean.

“...What?” Robin said blankly before she dropped back down onto the bed with a bounce and a loud creak of mattress springs, still dead asleep. A cat-like snore escaped her as she readjusted herself in the blankets. Robin breathed in a steadying breath, coming to terms with what he had just seen and how it was all perfectly normal what with Starfire being an alien. Then he repeated that last mental sentence back to himself and wondered how long ago this work had claimed his sanity like it had claimed Bruce’s. He didn’t have long to dwell on that thought, however, as Starfire turned over in her sleep, wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him close, her alien strength moving him with the same ease as she might grab a stuffed animal.

“Star?” Robin whispered again as her arm snaked over his chest. He felt her body pressing into him from behind. His face was burning. 

“Hmm... Wurul tai horqarr, Silkie...” she mumbled, squeezing Robin close.

“Er.. Star--I’m not--Ggk!” Robin winced a little at the tight squeeze, wondering for a few seconds if he was going to get a broken rib,  but then Starfire seemed to nuzzle her cheek against his hair and her grip relaxed with a slight sigh.

Her hair was still enveloping him in a river of orange. She was warm--warmer than any human he could remember, and being in her arms felt like that almost- too-warm that’s perfect for dozing off while reading on summer afternoons. She smelled like ozone, and Lapsang-Souchong tea, and fresh-cut citrus. He wondered how he smelled to her. If he smelled like a memory of another planet. He listened to her breathing for a few minutes longer, as the warmth of her sank into him. He felt the exhaustion he always felt like he was barely outrunning catch up to him again, but here he was willing to let it overtake him.

Maybe I should wake her up? I mean... alien strength... don’t want to get crushed if she has a weird dream or something. Probably the smart thing to do, he thought.

“Zontar-ha peq lor-yuur’vyn...”  Starfire murmured in her sleep and readjusted herself against him again, her body curving around him. 

Eh. There are worse ways to go, he thought as he closed his eyes.

[trollprincess]

When I was a kid, I read a little bit of anything and everything that looked interesting. Right around the time I was ten, I picked up “A Night to Remember” by Walter Lord, the quintessential book on the sinking of the Titanic. This is also around the time Bob Ballard and his team located the wreck of the ship, so National Geographic and a bunch of other magazines were publishing articles and photos and artwork regarding the ship and the sinking.

I. Was. Hooked.

Now, this is pre-1997-Leo-and-Kate Titanic mania, but my parents latched onto “Jennifer likes Titanic” and got me every possible book they could on the ship. A lot of them were coffee table books with lots of information and beautiful artwork of the ship and the wreck by Ken Marschall. Some of the books covered the Lusitania and Britannic and Empress of Ireland, so now I’m not just Titanic girl, I’m shipwreck girl.

I was also into baseball and was watching the World Series in 1989 when the earthquake struck live on air. So I start diving into earthquake research. Then volcanoes. Then building fires. Then plane crashes. Before long, if it’s a book about a disaster, I’ve read it.

The thing is, it was never morbid. It was never like, “Look at these photos of the burned dead from the Triangle Shirtwaist factory fire! Isn’t it gross?” It was, “Here, let me tell you about the woman who organized the factory workers to strike before the fire!” or “No, but you should know the names of the elevator operators who saved so many lives!” or “Listen to what the bosses did that put everyone in such danger, all to save a buck!”

My therapist once asked me why I’m interested in disasters when they’re so incredibly depressing. Which, yes, of course, they are, but also there’s hopeful stuff there too. People who survived despite the odds, problems which were found and fixed because these terrible things happened, memorials which were built to remember those who died. That’s what I end up getting hooked with - the final survivor they pull out of the wreckage, the person who does something gallant to help others even if they know doing so will sign their own death certificate, the people who show up with whatever they can to help out even if it probably won’t be useful because they feel like they have to do *something*.

Like, there’s so many depressing things going on in the world all the time, and I can’t always find the good in those stories all the time. But with Titanic, for example, I can think about the Strausses staying together in the ship because they refused to be parted or take a seat from a younger passenger. With the Triangle Shirtwaist factory, I can think about Clara Lemlich, a certified badass who unionized garment workers in the early 1900s in New York and led the Uprising of the 20,000 in 1909. (She even organized the workers at her nursing home in her old age. She was kind of amazing.)

So when I went back to college, one of the classes I had in my final semester was a literature class focused on nature writing. One of the books we read was “Into the Wild.” (Which I love as a book, but haaaaate because McCandless’s actions frustrate me to no end, but whatever.) Our final assignment was a presentation on a different book by an author we already read in class, so I did “Into Thin Air.” I did background on Everest exploration, the events of the 1996 disaster itself, memorials, and things which have been improved since then as a result.

I was only supposed to do ten minutes. I think I did twenty.

Now, I’m not a good public speaker. I’m nervous and stutter and get anxious being stared at. But that presentation was easy to give, because I wasn’t just interested in the subject matter, I’d literally read the book a half-dozen times before AND watched multiple documentaries on the 1996 disaster. I could have done the presentation without even doing the research. Even now, I could do a thirty-minute talk on dozens of disasters without any prep whatsoever.

When I got done and sat down, my teacher in the next seat leaned over and said, “You’re such a good storyteller.” I was grateful, except … I’m not. I’m really not. At least, not all the time. I have to be VERY into what I’m talking about. I’ve dictated to my phone at least part if not all of three books this year.

But I can tell THOSE stories. I can tell survival stories, I can tell rescue stories, I can tell stories of victims getting justice. Because look at what people can be! Not everyone is an unrepentant douchebag! Maybe everything’s NOT a big bag of ferret shit! Like, do some people suck? Sure. Do terrible things happen? Every day. But do good things happen in spite of all that, literally in the middle of the world falling apart? Weirdly enough, yeah.

Also, it’s grossly unfair that we skip over learning these stories because they’re depressing, and in the process allow the victims to be forgotten over and over again. The story of the Triangle Shirtwaist factory is one full of strong women who started over in a new country and were doing what they could to take care of their families, and people down on the street who did what they could, and Frances Perkins! The first female cabinet member who served as secretary of labor under FDR! Who was hardcore into workers’ rights and safety because the day of the fire she was having tea at a friend’s home nearby and went out to see what was going on and had the image of jumping girls burned into her mind.

Someone in the notes of that other post I made for the podcast questioned if it was informative or exploitative. I mean, aside from the answer I could have given, which is I don’t know, listen and find out? I get the worries of exploitation in darker non-fiction stories, especially given we were all just talking about the Dahmer miniseries being exploitative as fuck. But me personally? I’m pretty much in it to tell you true stories from history and share donation websites and remember the deceased and warn people how to respond to disasters and assure you air travel’s safer than it’s ever been and basically do exactly what I normally do to my coworkers and relatives and people I meet at parties when I actually GO to parties.

If no one listened to the podcast, if it was just me researching and recording it and that’s it, it’d still do me the service of allowing me to get excited about something, which so very often I find far too difficult. It gives something to focus on, to aspire to, and I’m so proud of it turning seven years old at the end of December.

[eelifnazfirat]

We Need A Solution For This World Wide Problem: Inequality

I thought I wouldn’t post about this kind of stuff here but the recent news led me to post about these topics on all my social media accounts. Last Friday a woman named Mahsa Amina got brutally beaten to death. Records and news show that She got arrested by the “Morality Police” in Iran over the so-called Islamic laws and the mandatory hijab law. On Tuesday she was arrested and taken to the police station for a “Re-education” about the hijab. A few hours later she was rushed to the hospital. Iranian authorities said she suddenly had a “heart problem” while the victim's family said that their daughter was beaten to death. People in Iran started protesting to show that they no longer can be silenced.  They started protesting by cutting their hair, taking off their head scarves, and burning them on the streets. People who live there say that the oppression got so bad that they couldn’t even go to school or get a job if they didn’t cover their hair by the age of seven. While Iran’s gender apartheid dictatorship is still terrorizing people, Iranian people are trying to raise awareness on social media. And the worst part is, this is not even the only place these horrible things happen.     In Afghanistan, the Taliban is still terrorizing people. Recently they banned women from access to education and showing their faces in public. No one should be fighting for their basic rights but these people do. Afghan people are trying to protest the Taliban but their voices aren’t heard enough.                                                             

Everyone deserves equal rights no matter nationality, ethnicity, gender, or religion because these are basic human rights and no one is superior to the other. Going against human rights causes conflict and will make this world even more crooked. By sitting here in silence and not even trying to do something you are supporting the oppressor. If we speak up more we can amplify the voice of the victims around the world. Please be a part of the movement and show that you care by spreading awareness. This may be the least we can do but it’s better than sitting here and watching all this violence happen. We need to show that everyone can do anything with the right amount of support because this is in our nature. Humans need each other to live and prevent problems worldwide. Even if we can’t prevent everything bad from happening we can still help people in need. If you haven’t started protesting yet, know that you still can. Don’t forget that it’s better late than never. Join us and become a voice of the silent. We can make it all happen together.                                               

Research sources: @middleeasteye on TikTok, the video uploaded on 19/09/2022. Dw Documentary on YouTube, the documentary uploaded on 10/09/2022. @projectchai on Instagram,the post uploaded on 19/09/2022.

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[lhrry]

hi agnes

I am quite new to your blog, and I had a question about some stuff. Do you think the reason why Louis is talking about Freddie/babygate is because it's ending? And if so, what makes you think it's different this time compared to the previous times? Finally, when do you think it might end, begore or after LT2 and/or the documentary?

Hii! Not to post an UO, but I’ve been here for so long and through so many waves of this stunt that right now I don’t really think it’s ending anytime soon, although I’ll be happy if I’m wrong. Promo-wise it would kinda make sense for them to do it around LT2 or around the documentary to get people talking (contrary to the kid mentions which do not get people talking but rather put them off), but I’m not seeing enough indications to say yes, it’s ending. I think Louis may have gotten himself a deal that’s the opposite to what Harry is doing - he’s going to talk about the stunts and they’re going to use the implied associations (eg Danielle recently) but there’s nothing to indicate that he’s going to get papped with F or a gf (it doesn’t seem that Eleanor is going to get back in the picture and i think a break up us one thing they may eventually announce) or do any stunting like that, while Harry talks about the stunts in a very vague way, never called O his gf but is seen and papped with her constantly. What we’re seeing with Louis seems to have been in the works for quite some time, getting public the material that he’s now using for his mentions (e.g. Christmas) so i think there’s a plan of some kind and this is not just him deciding to mention F all the time, there’s a reason he’s doing it. Right now, I’m considering the fact that this is happening to such a degree right now to enable him to be as creatively and artistically authentic as possible, which as to an artist would be most important to him and this may be the price he pays for that - from what we’ve seen and heard already that album is going to be heavily queer-coded, and a lot of us seem to think that HO was at least partially the price Harry had to pay for doing MP and I think the stunting on Louis’ part may now be intensified by the nature of his album. I also think there’s a possibility some counterbalancing even on Louis’ part of mp is happening since people really will be seeing larry a lot with all the comparisons and stuff, and this kind of balancing each other out in situations where larry rumours resurfaced has always been happening. I’m also wondering about the preexisting obligations and why this is done through babygate and not a gf, what contracts Louis still has and whatnot and I don’t have any clear answers and anyone here who pretends to have them is lying - we are all just looking at this weird ass situation and guessing, and we have no idea what deals he has made, what choices were on the table, what’s happening behind the closed doors. So all that I can offer is a series of factors I think may be playing a role right now, and if it does lead to it ending, if this is really them making sure it’s going to be loud, then I’ll be happy, but right now I’m not really holding my breath, checkered clothes or not.

[berlinini]

we made it (2021 version)

So this is longer than I intended and if you read the first sentence and ask yourself what the fuck is this, you can skip to the important part aka the end. TLDR: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for an incredible year in this fandom, 2021 would have sucked (even more) without you, Louis & Louies i love you so much ❤️

So I'm at the point in my NYE "celebrations" where I decided to listen to Fireproof in honor of that time in March-April 2021 when I would listen to that song obsessively because it just conveyed my mental state (there's something about blasting "I think I'm gonna lose my mind" at the beginning of the work day from your dining-room-turned-home-office). There were many songs that I would go and listen on repeat later on in a probably unhealthy manner, like Louis' cover of 7 for the whole month of September (somehow "I need another year lone" felt right to me 2 years into a pandemic), Zayn's entire and thankfully very long discography this summer, Sam Fender's Last to Make it Home this fall and more recently Arctic Monkey's One for the Road. My weird consumption of music apart, what these things have in common is that I associate them strongly with different periods of this year and they are all songs that I've discovered thanks to this fandom. Anyways, when there isn't much going on, at least we have music and nature.

It really isn't an understatement to say that this year has been completely changed for me when I discovered Louis' music and joined tumblr and this amazing amazing fandom. So many of my memories this year are linked to being here, with the things Louis did or the stuff that happened on louie tumblr, and the endless fun I've had with people I met here.

I'm not joking, if someone asked me the highlight of 2021, I would reply AFHF. I have such vivid memories of watching the festival on blurry streams on August 30, and all the emotions I felt in my living room, and doing the same a week later with an amazing documentary and an HD version of the concert. It was peak Serotonin Boost™️ for my pandemic brain. Thank you Louis!!! Thank you for being such an incredible person and artist, you make it so easy to be your fan! Now release new music. I will also remember 2021 for the fun Euro content it provided (and my first interaction with @shutterbug2012), how I was secretly hoping England wouldn't get eliminated, watching the finale in a bar during my vacations and being so torn about cheering for Italy.

I will remember the excitement every 28th of the month, the merch drops, the monthly check-in tweets, the awesome fandom projects we've had for Hallouween and to celebrate Louis' 30th birthday (s/o to @louisprojects), the tag games (s/o to @seasurfacefullofclouds1 and @venusrobots), the random horny asks (s/o to @silverfoxlou #flatfingers and to @crankydee's cursed images), the zouis breakdowns (no thanks for @louis-in-red @itsallaboutzayn and @icarusfallsforwalls), the louie love letters, the daily what's-Val's-breakdown-of-the-day (@bluelightsaber never stop ilysm) and the awesome GIFs and edits that never fail to amaze me (s/o to @longhairedlouist91 and @quetzal-28 moodboards, @fruitylouis mindblowing gifs and @stormyhale manifesting edits). Special mention to fan fic writers and rec blogs (@allwaswell16 and @quelsentiment) for the endless tabs I have open on my computer and that weird moment a coworker asked me what I was reading at the moment and couldn't exactly tell the truth. I even want to thank the unhinged anons in my inbox for making me laugh out loud a few times, and the 'normal' anons who allowed me to ~discourse~.

Thank you to everyone who is part of the fandom and who's here to support Louis as he's preparing to take over the world ❤️Thank you for welcoming me, thank you for sticking around and for making cookies out of crumbs. Thank you for being here, for interacting with me, for following me.

If you've made this far, I want to wish you a Happy New Year!!! 🎉

☀️2022 is the year of Louis Tomlinson and of Louies 🤞

✨ Faith in the Future ✨