#the things they don't tell you about being trans

[latteandjacks]

"They should've made an emphasis on Sallie May being trans before" "There should be things that openly indicate she's trans aside from the horns" "The merch shouldn't show her with a bulge if she's trans, logically she should hide it"

My brother in Christ shut the fuck up

Aight, I get where most of you are coming from but let me just say that Sallie May is a big breath of fresh air from a lot of canon trans rep I've been seeing in the internet about big projects such as Helluva Boss, let's go point from point

This contains spoilers from Hell's Belles

Sallie May is a transgender Imp, this is not something that was decided just now for the short as her first appearance in the moon harvest festival already shows her with the thick line horns (Which are exclusively from AMAB (Assigned Male at Birth) Imps

If there's only one point these people made that I agree with is the fact that the horns thing should be something implied in the show, not specifically with the intention of outing a trans character but something simple that could give more context for those who do not check the wikis or the social medias that often

Other than that, I feel like they haven't actually meet a trans person irl because they believe that her being trans should be something that everyone should catch the first time they see her, that someone should inmeditaly point out she's trans, yet, they get upset at the fact that she's proudly showing a bulge on the merchandise They want the show to scream verbally about her being trans but not casually

You have no idea how relieved I felt when, at no point in the episode, her being trans was mentioned or outed, none pointed out her horns or voice and instead the problem was her feeling left out of her sister's life, and, again, not because she's trans and feels like Millie doesn't view her the same or some bullshit, but because Millie doesn't go home as often and felt a bit mad when she had to do her work In fact! Her not getting genitalia reconstructive surgery is also a thing that is cool about her, she got tits but didn't chop off the dick and is not insecure about it, most of times trans people are put between not getting surgery or getting ALL of the surgeries AND being extremely insecure about their genitalia, and yes, there's a lot of trans people that feel that way, but I think that aspect of her is really good representation for those that don't want to get surgery or only want to either reduce or enlarge their chest, not everyone gets dysphoria the same way and this doesn't make her less of a woman for that

Even if it's okay to have characters where one of the main issue of the comes from being trans (I have a few myself), It's also nice to see character that are trans but the main issue with their life comes from something completely different and not related

So for people upset about her passing so well you can't immediately tell she's trans Surprise! That's a lot of us want, that's what a lot trans people irl try, to just be a person of the gender we really are, to be normal and not needing to always out of ourselves, to be treated the same no matter what I make a lot of jokes about my lack of dick and my excess of tits, I only out myself as trans when formally presenting to someone and that is just because I'm not allowed to be trans so I don't pass as a boy at all and need to specify, but me being trans is something that most of my friend only bring into the conversation to make a friendly joke or when I bring it up

Sallie May is not only good representation, is one of the best I've seen in a while in the modern adult media, because she's subtle yet obvious You may not like Viv (Me too girl /non gendered), but I got to give it to her, the lgbt+ representation she does is on point

Anyways now that I tackled down that issue is time to actually talks about this short as a whole see ya

[bikini-kill-pilled]

im really interested in the revival of riot grrrl; i think its absolutely possible for it to make a comeback, and i could even argue that it never actually went away...i mean, its definitely lost a bit of its edge, but their are bands coming out in its genre and they keep the spirit alive. anyway, the essential thing for the revival is that riot grrrl fixes its previous mistakes. i hate when people try to trivialize its importance because i do think it made a difference in the small span of time that it was really popular, but the main issues were how whitewashed it was, how it mostly focused on middle/upper suburban women, and how it (in my opinion mostly) centered a lot around reclaiming femininity, thereby neglecting gnc women who don't WANT to reclaim it. i found a cool article on black women in the feminist punk movement--specifically how they made their own movement, sista grrrl riot--and these quotes stood out to me. this ones by musician tamar kali brown:

"Being in this urban jungle, I was a different type of girl. I was hearing what they were saying, but I was living in an environment where people were getting stabbed. Riot Grrrl felt like a bubblegum expression. I was bald, and I would get a lot of negative attention that bordered on violence, so I wasn't in the world of [baby voice] 'You just think I can't play because I'm a girl!'

and this one by laronda davis:

"I never looked at a magazine and thought that that was what I was supposed to look like. On one hand, it's actually kind of liberating to not be what this standard of womanhood is. That standard put a lot of women in boxes, and they spend their li[ves] trying to get out of the box. Black women were never allowed in the box. I wasn't looking at TV saying, 'Oh, that represents me.' I wasn't listening to music telling about my experience. I had experiences that told me I wasn't concerned with these things that the happy songs were about."

(article here)

all in all i think what riot grrrl needs to change is its idea of a universal female childhood in their songs that we can all relate to. it kind of sucks to say but really all women do have in common are the stereotypes we're given, and when punk women criticized and defied those stereotypes they really shone; i was reading that people called kathleen hanna writing "slut" on her stomach white feminism and i was like....err. sexualization is something all women are subjected to. i've just been in a bit of a rabbit hole which started when i researched the history of trans people in riot grrrl, then to modern times when i found a claim that kathleen hanna had stopped using the line "all girls to the front" and edited her riot grrrl manifesto, and finally ended here with me thinking "man, riot grrrl's spirit is needed now more than ever, but like we need to make it WAAAAYYY better so it actually works out". the good news is, like i said, it hasn't actually faded out of mainstream consciousness.

i might add on to this in later posts. sorry if it's messy.

[fernlessbastard]

Opinions on transfem/Trans woman c!Wilbur? If you havent already, since its a slightly popular Hc w c!W

honestly I'm mostly indifferent ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

it's not for me, but like I've got no particularly strong feelings either way. I can absolutely see a lot of reasons for that reading - it all does fit, so it's not a matter of there being no justification, but more so just personally I just don't hold that headcanon

the thing with either of them being trans is that like, I am for some reason oddly attached to Quackity being specifically and strictly a man who's into men, or at the very least masc individuals - maybe it's cause I just started off with that "hc" (I mean it is kinda pretty heavily canon - I don't recall him ever flirting with a woman). Wil being mtf would obviously make all of that very complicated - each time I start to think about it I can't help but think if 1. is there any way for Q to still be into Wil without that invalidating Wil's gender identity 2. is there any way for Q - a gay man - to have feelings for a woman that doesn't invalidate his sexual identity Like, exceptions happen, but mm idk It's obvioulsy completely different if you hc Q as pan/bi/homoflexible/whatever else, but yeah personally I'm just really attached to the idea of Q being strictly homosexual

When it comes to the nonbinary umbrella it's kinda similar (with both being amab) - with Wil it works i'd say, there isn't as much of a conflict with Quackity's sexuality, but again, I'm mostly indifferent and you do you; with Q it just kinda doesn't quite fit for me - idk he just has relatively binary man vibes imo

in regards to other combinations of one/both of them being trans: > Wil's ftm - yeah sure I'm down with that, good for him, I don't actively hc that but like yeah no conflict there, plus I guess it'd explain how he had Fundy - though fantasy mpreg makes it so much funnier > Q's mtf - idk i just don't feel it in the slightest. He doesn't really give me any of those vibes. Especially considering things like the fact that he's short, has longer hair, is/used to be a sex worker (with presumably male clients), is heavily (and at the very least primarily, if not exclusively) into men, canonically has a big ass, etc, so it just really doesn't sit right with me to then have him be mtf - I just want some more representation of those characteristics in men, y'know? > Q's ftm - ok so, it fits. And I really really hate that it fits. It would make so much sense but holy fuck guys I cannot handle that ok - I'm ftm, and if he's cis then I can like at least partially remove myself from all of that... but if he's ftm then holy fucking shit everything just hits so much harder like guys I'm not strong enough to handle the pain of seeing this much of myself in him ok I will simply collapse, like him being seen as an object and sexualised and put down and belittled and pressured to be all submissive and shit just hits so completely different if you see it through the lenses of him being ftm and let me fucking tell you I am NOT ready for the breakdown thinking about it and how similar and in some cases identical to my own experiences it all is would cause m > ANYWAY with them both being trans it's just a combination of my previous thoughts ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

hope that answers your question UwU anyway ha ha bye--/lh

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

How do you think the spider gang would react to Gwen coming out as trans? I think they'd all be supportive, but I'm curious if you have details

I am going to be honest with you anon, I had been looking at this question for weeks, thinking about it, and...I am not coming up with much.

I am trans, I don't have that much experience with people reacting to that- and I am not making any more comments about that.

Going back to the original question- I think all of them would be supportive; regardless of background or history, I feel doing anything else would be a disservice to the characters, and also, a type of story I really don't have interest entertaining, (Would Noir, being from 40s, be reasonable to have his apprehensions and need to overcome it? Yes, I am interested in seeing something like that? Personally, fuck no.)

Now, it doesn't mean there cannot be hiccups- all well intending, of course.

(Specific characters under the cut because, as always with me, it got long.)

Peter B I see going over the top; talking how brave Gwen is, and that he supports her no matter what, he also reads a book on trans people and tell hims about the people in his universe who are trans. Gwen appreciates it, but it can be uncomfortable at times.

Noir, regardless of time period, would be supportive, but mixes up terminology. The poor guy already struggles with the pop culture lingo, so throwing queer lingo into the mix can make things awkward; specially since, as a spider-man, he has defended the marginalized people of his dimension and is aware of the community, but- that community had its own terminology that may not be appreciated to day. Is a growing curve.

In my opinion, Ham is a much of a man as Bugs Bunny, meaning gender isn't as important as commitment to the bit; so I can see him busting a dress all of the sudden and saying "I get you sis." Accordingly, if asked about his own gender, he is pretty much "normally a guy, but in general whatever fits better with the scene."

Peni I headcanon as nonbinary, so I think she would be happy to meet another person who isn't cis. Definitely would have lots of talk about presentation, tricks for clothes a make up, the works.

Margo is cool about it, there isn't much to say there; she just tells Gwen that it doesn't change anything between them, and she is still invited to come for the slumber parties (Margo has thrown a bunch in the Spider-Society, because anything to spend as little time mentally at home as possible.)

Pavitr: "Oh so you are like a hijra? That's so cool!" (This is a term from a place I am not from, so I can't talk in length about it, feel free to look it up because it is indeed, very cool.) While not the same, he ends up telling more about how people in his dimension see transgender people, Gwen finds it overall really interesting.

Hobie is, of course, cool about it. He is a punk, noncomformist, and "hates labels," he could probably tell Gwen a stupid amount of things about queer history, intersectionally, so far and so forth. Despite using he/him pronouns, I believe with all my heart Hobie would not give a shit about gender roles and dress how he likes, and be okay with any pronouns. This has nothing to do with your question, but I headcanon that Hobie has been the queer awakening of many other teens of the Spider-Society as he strolls down in whatever outfit he feels like it.

Now Miles, is obviously supportive. I think he may be oblivious to many things (I headcanon him as bi for a long awhile, but I am not sure if that's something he knows already or has yet to discover,) so he asks questions, but is always respectful and has no trouble answering. Overall, Gwen thinks is cute how much Miles dotes on her, and reminding her that she will always be the prettiest girl alive to him.

Huh, I guess I had more to say that I expected, this was fun! Thanks for the question and sorry for the delay.

[enby-iggy]

One of the annoying things about being trans is trying to use your chosen name as much as possible without getting caught by your parents. Like my chosen name is decently feminine so in a vacuum my parents might understand changing my name but considering my mom has always been on high alert about me if I told her I wanted to change my name she'd be like "TRANS??!?"

Anyways the worst part has got to be all the 6D chess I have to play choosing which people to use which name for. Like I've been going to another church to separate from my parents when possible, so since I was in a space away from them I decided to use my chosen name. But then my mom brought up the possibility of my brother joining me at the church I select, and if he does that, I have to use my given name. So I've been my given name there now.

But there's no chance my family makes it to school, so I've been using my chosen name there. But one of the people who used to work at McDonald's with me is in my class, so now I have to avoid talking to him so he doesn't find out I'm going by Kestrel instead of my given name. And there are just so many things like that. I can try to keep my spaces separate, but people just move around so much that I'm bound to encounter someone in the wrong space at the wrong time. So every introduction is such a struggle, trying to figure out if I can get away with my chosen name with them, or figure out if they're ever going to get near my family or the church people. And it's just ridiculous how much planning goes into this just trying to keep myself safe.

[benveydraws]

i can't love you in this skin

[uncanny-tranny]

The thing about assigned sex labels (AFAB/AMAB) is that a lot of its usefulness comes from discussions around medicine (though there are still issues with this). In a social sense, AFAB/AMAB isn't very useful to describe peoples' lived experience.

Assigned sex happens to people as babies, and "AFAB" and "AMAB" describe very broadly sex categories. Assigned sex acknowledges past assignment, not current reality with regards to one's sex and/or gender.

I find that when people try to apply sex assignment to social settings (e.g., "all AFABs experience this!"), it comes very close not only to misgendering, but also to sex essentialism in many cases.

I simply think there are too many assumptions made about what every person AMAB has (such as a certain body, a certain gender, and certain lived experiences) and what every person AFAB has. We cannot make sweeping generalizations about people, and I think a lot of people seem to forget this especially with regards to transition and/or "rare" sexes.

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

where's the crack au where stevies on real housewives as the wife of famous retired metal star eddie munson like. she'd fuck them up. going for that sweet down to earth insanely rich person persona but any time any of the other housewives tries to start shit with her she Shuts It Down

[thelilcreature]

Littles who want to explore their gender! It's not bad or icky or immoral to do it! We're constantly learning about ourselves in every way and it's a good thing to do! You can like cars or dolls whether you're a boy or a girl! Maybe you're nonbinary! Maybe you're a new gender entirely! It's not bad. Littles should feel comfortable with themselves too!

[boyfridged]

this is only vaguely related to my last ask but it got me thinking again how much i don't like the type of scrutiny that some people engage with when it comes to headcanons. don't get me wrong, there is plenty of headcanons that i despite when they appear in a particular context because they clearly come from a place of total ignorance and sometimes even borderline malice; and there are ways of writing about characters that are very obviously rooted in reactionary attitudes. but i have also seen situations in which people of specific ethnicities were told they were not supposed to hc a character to be said ethnicity because of the classist implications. i have seen people saying that headcanoning a particular character to be trans is too stereotypical and that it makes them "sick." i've seen people annoyed about characters being a particular religion because "there's another character who was said to be that religion before" (shocking and upsetting to some americans especially: religions are real and usually have more than one follower so they don't have to be assigned to a single character per title as their token.) and idk i think we should all pause for a moment and remember that the pieces of identity that people assign their favourite characters are often their own. there are ways to reclaim these cliches too. it's a matter of intention. people often read themselves into their beloved pieces of art. and maybe it does not always create the truest image of the author's intention nor a revolutionary picture of minority rep, but no one claims it does.

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

[alisterix]

Asterix and Obelix in a queerplatonic relationship because I'm in one and I ✨project✨

More Asterix pride icons!

Trans Cacofonix for @obelixetcompagnie cause I appreciate the way you think 💗💙

[xxlovelynovaxx]

[Img ID: post reading "it doesnt matter if we're feminine or masculine or androgynous. they'll want us dead anyway. THIS POST IS ABOUT TRANS MEN AND TRANSMASCULINE PEOPLE. DO NOT DERAIL. MAKE YOUR OWN POST." /end ID]

I think actually we've reached terminal selfishness and self-centeredness when "look basic transphobia. THIS IS ONLY ABOUT SOME TRANS PEOPLE. MAKE YOUR OWN POST" is considered acceptable behavior, like

1 this is the reblogging posts site. if you don't want it "derailed", turn off reblogs

2 it's not "derailing" to talk about experiencing the exact same type of oppression for the exact same reasons. like, this is tagged transandrophobia. y'know, the word coined to talk about oppression UNIQUE TO or MORE TYPICALLY EXPERIENCED by trans men and mascs? Like I know we're all super sensitive to "it's just transphobia" because bad faith actors use it to shut us up about our own oppression, but even if transandrophobia is ANY transphobia experienced by transmascs, this one is SO not unique and SO universal that calling other trans people "derailing" for daring to acknowledge they experience it is honestly transphobic itself

3. Are you being transmisogynistic or exorsexist it both? Do you find it offensive that a group even more erased than transmascs (trans people who are neither transfem nor transmasc) might "take the spotlight" by experiencing the same pain as you? Are you just mad that transfems suffer from hypervisibility (a key factor in transmisogyny, no less) that you're wrongly viewing as some sort of privilege?

Like this is the logical end conclusion of exclusion, separatism, and the idea that it's immoral or even just dickish to talk about SHARED experiences of oppression. Even those who aren't convinced that there's no overlap and oppression fits into neat little boxes based on your actual identity (and that people with multiple identities experience each oppression as discrete separate forms of violence OR a new unique form of oppression that no one else ever does) are like "I have the right to shut people out of a discussion of their own pain and trauma just because *I* experienced it for THIS reason

Like, I draw the line at someone saying anything more exclusionary than "oh I didn't name all groups that experience this because this was a more personal vent post, but please share your experiences because this isn't exclusive to us".

Idk I can't even articulate what's so gross and off-putting about this. But whatever, this intersex transneufemmasc is making their own post so they aren't (implied) transandrophobic by, idk, being transmasc but also other things and experiencing this same thing based on those other identities, or acknowledging that those other identities share these experiences in the absence of transmasculinity.

Also, nontransmasculine/non-trans-men experience transandrophobia, you fucking asshole. Transneutral, abinary/atrinary, neutrois, maverique, and other trans people that are seen as transmasc by bigots experience no material differences in the oppression they face. Their experiences are almost identical to yours - except they have to either be misgendered to be acknowledged or get erased. What functional difference do you think there is between an afab person pursuing what you forcibly label a "masculine" transition facing this exact shit, and you, other than that they respect your gender and you don't return the favor. Or you do, only to shut them out of a conversation that they have less of a voice in than you do.

That's just fucking transphobia. Fuck off.

If you're being so defensive over past trauma you bite people BEFORE you know they're unsafe, maybe you need to get a fucking grip.

[thediktatortot]

It sucks how a fairly large demographic of Gen Z that makes up the online community they have are REALLY just falling into the same emotional patterns as Boomers usually do in every day life.

Asking for help isn't a childish thing. It's okay to ask for help, it's GOOD to ask for help if you need it. Not asking for help isn't an 'adult' thing to do, that's just plain ol setting yourself up for failure.

Let's do away with the Boot Strap theory and start accepting help and helping each other in our communities.

[dimonds456]

hey tumblr, thanks for recommending me a TERF post "based on my likes." I hope the hour I spent blocking as many people as I could bear in the notes is enough of a hint for you.