#the way they showed us bill & frank’s relationship was so thoughtful and beautiful

[noturmuse]

Man idk what they’re putting in these episodes but it’s definitely stronger than coke cuz I am beyond addicted I mean every episode is a masterpiece and I love the little changes they’ve been doing along the way it has made the show so special thus far

[matan4il]

I apologize for the length of this in advance but I need to nerd out here for a moment. I love that you covered Bill and Frank because it very much reminded me of a point I have always made about Buddie scenes.

So if you watch TLOS, it's a mix of gamers and casual viewers. I watch with my BF and a group of friends and I am actually the only one who played the game. Now in the game I always thought Bill was gay, but we never even met Frank. He's already gone and their relationship is presented very differently. In fact the notion that Bill could be gay was a huge controversy in the gamer discourse.

On to when the actual episode aired. Unless you know all this, it can't be fully appreciated what this show accomplished. From casual viewers to those aware of the source material like me? The showrunners accomplished completely removing us from the world, the threats, introduce 2 character you have never seen and tell a 17 year long love story about them without me, fully processing we are in a different universe. Also add you had to make me understand and almost root for the suicide at end and not even be mad. How could they accomplish it, I truly believe it was the scenes, the lighting. There was no wasted space. We bridged 17 years knowing what happens without being beat over the head with it. Frank wasn't with Bill because of running water and hot food. Bill wasn't with Frank because he's lonely. The fact that their marriage scene is no dialogue, yet I get it, and I am bawling like it's masterclass.

So the Buddie aspect. It's always been the same for me. It's the filming and attention to details that show the love, but also alert me to like I need to pay attention. When Buddie goes Canon I feel like a large part of the audience will go oh yeah it all makes sense now. It's sad that in queer storytelling it can't be more obvious, but hopefully in a few years that will change . However again when it comes to showing Buddie as family there has never been wasted space or shortcuts in their scenes.

Does that make sense or am I being a romantic clown.

Oh one more thing. If you didn't watch all of TLOU, Tessa (the girl from the garden lunch is a perfect example of why Bill and Frank were beautiful. Because the Tess we know in the present day wasn't the Tess you saw giggling with Frank. It proves how Bill was able to protect Frank in a way Joel couldn't with Tess.

Hi Nonnie! Thank you so much for sending this ask referencing the gifset I made paralleling Buddie with TLoU's Bill and Frank.

Okay, I am going to start from the end and point out that I LOVE that comparison you pointed out of what Bill managed to do for Frank, versus where Joel couldn't do the same for Tess. But Bill did more than that. Bill could protect Frank because he was naturally a hermit. It didn't require effort for him to shit the rest of the world off and build defenses against it. He was doing that even before the apocalypse hit. What's truly amazing about Bill's love for Frank is the moments it allows any openness in Bill. First to Frank himself, to letting him in, talking to him, sharing personal stuff, playing his favorite song for Frank and letting Bill's own pain be present and seen. That's the moment Frank falls in love with him, after all. It's when he sees that and he wouldn't be able to if Bill hadn't chosen to be open and vulnerable with him.

(just take a second here to consider how much this reflects Eddie, who chooses to be open with Buck as early as 202, sharing Christopher's pic, letting Buck into their lives, and then letting Buck in on the pain and the vulnerability during his breakdown arc starting in 513)

Then there's the fact that Bill DOES NOT want to have other friends. He doesn't want Tess there, he doesn't like Joel, he would never have let them in no matter how many advantages friendship with smugglers may offer. But he accept their presence because Frank wants it. That's love. Leaving your comfort zone, making room for what the other person needs.

(don't think about Eddie not wanting to go to the horse ranch in 514, but agreeing to just in order to humor Buck, not even realizing how much this in turn is actually going to end up helping him)

But I wanna add something to all this. I heard Tess and Joel's relationship was discussed and what TLoU ended up going with is them being lovers, but never explicitly stating it. And I think that's SO interesting. 'Coz that means you can easily see some of the same tropes we see with Buddie happening with Joel and Tess as well. They're life partners, and we're never told in what way, but it is implied, and we're meant to pick up the hints and figure it out for ourselves, it explains their dynamics in ways that platonic friendship/business partnership does not. One trope, for example, is the parallel of the subtextual relationship to a canon one. Bill and Frank are canon. Tess and Joel are subtextual. Yet we have basically the same line from both Tess and Frank uttered at their partners: in 102, Tess reminds Joel she has never asked him for anything before, and in 103, Frank does the same with Bill.

(Buddie and every freaking piece of meta I've ever written about them paralleling every single one of 911's canon couples, like in the Buddie vs Lone Star meta posts, or the parallel with Madney in 512 or with Henren in 606...)

Thank you for this! Have a great day, lovely! As always, here's my ask tag. xoxox

[anastacialy]

you know, with this third episode of hbo's the last of us series, the writers strayed farther from the source material than i ever thought possible, telling what was almost an entirely different story than the original game intended.

and i wouldn't change a single goddamn thing about what i just watched.

major spoilers under the cut.

my heart has been ripped from my chest. i wasn't expecting that in the slightest — i thought, yeah, we'd see a bit of bill and frank's backstory, then the content from the game would pick up, but i didn't think we'd get this beautiful feature-film about the two of them.

i had even made a comment to my partner just saying i hoped they'd make their relationship clearer as it had been mostly implied in-game. my expectations were low. and then they were completely blown out of the water. i'm trying to articulate my thoughts but it's so difficult. i cried so hard my chest felt like it was going to split open.

i feel like they stayed true to the characters, while changing the circumstances surrounding them. if this version of frank had been bitten, he'd have made the same choice as he did in-game. they even showed them fighting, both hot-headed, not always seeing eye to eye. bill would have grown far more bitter and angry without him, especially had he died while they were in an argument. but i am so glad that wasn't the choice the writers went with. yes, there were some imperfections about this plot, obviously i'm not going to deny that, but it may be a discussion for a later post. right now, i'm just taken aback by the whole thing.

i'll try to start at the beginning. obviously, there was a bit of interaction with joel and ellie, which i loved. they just went through something awful, they're still being defensive and standoffish and joel's life has just been torn apart yet again. and now he's saddled with this angry teenager who loves running her mouth. but we get some glimpses of his caring for her. him being worried when she's getting herself in trouble — i could write a separate essay about the choices she made in the shop basement, honestly, i probably will — and him trying to steer her away from the carnage and cruelty of FEDRA in the earliest stages of the outbreak.

i loved her acknowledgement of the fact that she was raised by FEDRA and therefore has gaps in her knowledge about how the outbreak occurred — "they don't teach us how their shitty government failed to prevent a pandemic" what a line. i loved joel's explanation of the events. no one knows for sure, but it's stated so factually: so how many times must he have run it in his head? how many times must he have done the math, figured out why he didn't get sick, why sarah and tommy didn't get sick? why what happened happened the way it did. what an amazing addition.

and then, bill. ah, bill. made one thousand times more incredible by this adaptation of him. living every survivalist's dream. not without the tragedy we know lends him those resources, of course, but what a way of establishing how he came to be, his securing of the area, etc. it was believable, but more importantly incredibly fun to watch him work through each issue he faced. it was interesting to see they chose for him to live alone that way for four years, until frank stumbled into his life.

frank, who started out with ten people leaving his quarantine zone behind and ended up as the last alive. who knew how hard it was going to be to survive on his own. who took a chance, asking a stranger for help, and found his next sixteen years of joy beyond that electrified fence. i loved the way it was clear he may have been doing part of this all — the flattery, the flirting — in order to keep himself safe. but it was subtle, and it ended up working out, growing into something beautiful.

the way their first meeting went, the dinner and the wine and the piano. and the unexpected scene upstairs. it was so sweet and well done and they were a fantastic amount of awkward, and shy, and it was amazing. bill's nervous hands. the way that their kisses grew more familiar and natural as the episode went on. i feel like i'm already going on far too long — what could be said has been said by the show itself.

and what was also left horribly, tragically unsaid when it came to tess and joel. compared directly to the very-clearly-a-couple bill and frank, joel skirting around their relationship yet referring to tess as 'mine,' seeing her bright, excited, hopeful face interacting with frank when the wound of her death is still fresh on our minds. and that last heartbreak, which i'll circle back around to.

every scene with bill and frank was incredible. i loved the way they were written, both imperfect, both selfish and stubborn and frustrating in different ways. both incredibly loving toward one another. their fight, frank's insistence on making their home nice, the stores nice, the boutique nice. "let me love it the way i want to." frank growing strawberries in secret to surprise bill. tending to his bullet wound — i was truly afraid, as they had changed so much of their plot already, that was going to be the end of him. then, another ten years pass with a sigh of relief. bill carrying frank to bed, giving him his pills, caring for him.

and a heart wrenching decision made in the face of pain and health in decline. i liked that this now had little to do with the outbreak itself and instead with those who get left behind (pardon the title reference) in the thick of it. of course there are still other illnesses and disabilities, those don't just vanish in a pandemic. and without doctors, without access to medical care, what other choices get made. feels poignant for the moment, but again, the connections to real world events could be a separate post. and they likely will be, hah.

but frank's final day, what he has chosen to be his last day, mirroring their first day together absolutely ruined me. my heart, torn asunder. they dressed in their finest from the boutique frank had insisted on fixing years prior. "love me the way i want you to." marrying one another on the piano bench (something, maybe, that they hadn't thought too much about doing, before. their marriage wouldn't have been recognized when the outbreak started, certainly not everywhere. so they left it undone until it was almost the end.) the dinner. bill turning the plate with a little flair the way he had before. the wine. the fact that, in classic tragic romance, bill's wine was already drugged. that we don't know if he'd have even told frank he was choosing death too, had frank not called him out on it. but that he did, and we got to see them know they were going out, peacefully, in sleep, together.

and that last letter to joel, the final wrench to my heart. "there was one person worth saving. that's what i did. i saved him. then i protected him. that's why men like you and me are here." [...] "i leave you all of my weapons and equipment. use them to keep tess safe." again, acknowledging she was who joel cared for the way bill cared for frank. that final mention of her made me weep even harder than her death scene had. because it was a glimpse into the joy they might have had, if things were just a little different. a glimpse into what joel has just lost.

and that final shot a bookend to bill and frank's story, which had opened, unbeknownst to us, at the end of episode one. eighties music and two closed windows. then their song, and an open one.

this was all so far and away from the game's story. and i am so, so thankful that they changed so, so much.

[the-other-bird]

Random thoughts about the last episode and therefore in general about the whole show

- the giraffe scene was beautiful. I was a little scared they would cut it, but it was perfect

- Anna!!! I loved her and it felt surreal hearing "Ellie's" voice. Would love to know more about her. I always thought that Marlene and Anna were in love. And this cemented it for me because they were the perfect Riley/Ellie mirror. Also: Anna knowing Ellie's only chance was lying to Marlene about when she cut the cord. Phew.

- the fact that the Fireflies actually actively didn't tell Ellie, basically lied to her. Also interesting that Joel shot Jerry immediately without hesitation, while in the game he hesitates and you kinda have to take him down because he even attacks Joel with a scalpel if you don't.

- little sad that we didn't get to see the photo scene, even though Tommy heading back to Texas in the game just to go through their stuff actually didn't make a lot of sense

- the scenery was so on point and the acting was once again amazing.

- probably a little unpopular opinion: I didn't like the scene of Joel telling Ellie about his attempt. It felt kinda forced and out of place and kinda too on the nose for me. The acting was still beautiful, I just kinda preferred the more subtle way the game let us know about it (but apparently a lot of people missed that and say his attempt is a show only thing, when it isn't)

- sad that we never got a pay off with the knife we saw Sarah pick up in Joel's drawer. What was that about???

Some general stuff:

All my criticism of the show is just nitpicking. I loved it. The acting and casting was amazing. The changes in Bill and Frank's story were perfect and so necessary. A lot of minor changes and additions I absolutely loved. Can't wait to see more of Maria and I'm curious about the how Tommy's story will change with him being a dad in the following seasons. I actually preferred Joel/Tess in the show and their relationship and it worked well with my headcanons about them. The tendrils for the Infected worked really well.

I was not a fan of the way the show changed well working dialogue sometimes and some stuff was a little too much on the nose for me. And the pacing was challenging. I think it would have profited from one or two episodes more and giving us some more slow scenes and giving us a feeling for the time that has passed. Because with this fast pacing it felt like the Salt Lake City episode was like immediately after David and so Ellie's behaviour is based on this fresh trauma. When we see in the game get behaviour is unusual and just starts when they reach Salt Lake City. Also: I would have loved some more horror scenes with infected. Like the college dorms hotel cellar or sewers with stalkers there and the challenge of not waking them up because we see in the show how dangerous they are. But like I said: it's totally nitpicky and I still loved it and I'm looking forward to watching it with my dad because he knows nothing about the source material .

[silentsockfeet]

tlou hbo s1 ep3 thoughts (spoilers)

honestly i don’t have much, this episode changed so much from the game that i don’t really have any thoughts to share in terms of their relation

don’t attack me for this but a small part of me is a little disappointed by how much this ep deviated from the game. there were so many iconic moments from bill’s town (the snare trap scene, bill and ellie’s banter, the bloater) that i would’ve loved to see translated to the screen, so a part of me is sad to have missed out on it

that being said, this episode really was beautiful. i’m so glad that of all the couples they could’ve shown, they chose a gay couple to get to grow old and live a life together as happily and peacefully as they could’ve. i knew going in that they were going to expand more on bill and frank’s relationship so my main worry was that they would still have frank turn on bill in some way, so i’m glad that’s not the route they went with. we very rarely get to see older gays in media, and in general practically never get to see them be happy in love, and growing older with each other, so it was beautiful to finally get that sort of story, especially in a show that’s otherwise so dark and grim.

in a weird way, i’m also glad they specifically chose to have bill and frank choose to end their lives rather than have one of them die violently or something. tlou (both the game and the show) doesn’t shy away from the more ugly or taboo parts of humanity so it’s cool to get to explore this kind of decision and why some people might come to it.

it reminds me of the scene in the game where joel and ellie find a dead body in a bathtub with someone clearly having killed themself, and ellie asked why some people would do that, and joel responded “for some people it wasn’t a choice.” in the same sort of sense, there wasn’t really much of a choice for bill and frank either. it was either watch someone you’ve grown old with choose to die (and also be the one to have to kill them, in a way) or choose to go with them and embrace death together. all in all a really beautiful way to bring up that kind of dark and difficult conversation

the strawberry scene is what really got me, what always drew me to tlou was its ability to show the beauty of the simple moments in life, ones that we often overlook. i can’t imagine how emotional i would be getting to taste strawberries again after living ten years in an apocalypse, and bill getting to share that moment with frank was so goddamn sweet

playing vanishing grace during the dinner scene 😭😭 like i said, i think the best moments in tlou are the ones that show how beautiful life can be when we stop and let ourselves experience the smaller, simpler moments, and imo vanishing grace has always been the motif for that. it plays in the giraffe scene in the game, so to play it during the dinner scene was heart wrenching. it really hammered home the point of appreciating the time we get with the world and our loved ones, and also starts setting up the running motif of ‘you keep finding something to fight for’

which brings me to bill’s note, i love that bill wrote it to joel specifically and not tess, they were the two that understood each other the most because they were of similar mindsets. i also liked how much it really highlights the fact that joel did love tess back but just in his own way, and bill knew that more than anyone else could’ve

i’m so excited by the way the note is setting up the relationship between joel and ellie too. right now joel is still on this mission because it’s what tess would’ve wanted but it’s fun to know that bill’s words in the note are going to shift into ellie being the person that joel seeks to protect. i also sort of love the juxtaposition of bill using the verb “protect your loved ones” versus joel saying “fight for your loved ones” by the end of the game, it’s the same concept with different connotations. i like the idea that bill starts off as a fight person but by the end becomes a protect person, and joel is now on roughly the same kind of journey.

one thing i kind of wish we’d seen is a scene were we explicitly see ellie realize the kind of relationship bill and frank had. it would have been nice to see her have that sort of Gay Recognition moment in them, the realization that there were people like her in this world. i think it also would’ve been helpful to set up the themes for pt2 down the line, ellie could have this sort of life to look up to where her and dina could grow old and live a life together.

i also find it really intriguing the subtle changes they’re making to ellie’s character. both the game and tv versions have their moments of innocence but i feel like in the game ellie’s moments centered around her naivety about the world, the fact that she hasn’t really been exposed to certain levels of violence before. meanwhile i feel like in the show her moments are more about not understanding how the world used to be, and she’s much more accepting of violence because that’s what the world she lives in now is founded on. she’s so much more comfortable and even open and intrigued by it now, as shown by that scene with the infected and with how keen she is to get a gun. i still feel like it’s in a bit of an aggrandizing way, like she wants to be the sort of gunfire cowboy type character, and that once the proper reality of violence hits her she’ll reach a sort of breaking point. but it also really helping fill in the gaps of how she becomes who she is in the second game, so i’m glad we’re seeing these moments.

also like. is it just me or are the parallels between bill/frank and ellie/dina kind of strong here? there’s the garden, the little homestead all on their own land, the fact that frank takes up painting, the serenading your lover scene,, it feels so stark to me. and ellie has always had slight parallels to bill (and by extension joel), she has the same sort of mindset of “i’d rather isolate than have to face losing the people i love” and dina has the more brighter outlook of life that frank has, the idea that by surrounding ourselves with people we love we become our best, strongest self. and don’t even get me started on the final shot with the window,, looking at joel and ellie leaving through the window was so reminiscent of the final shot in pt2 i can’t even put into words what exactly it means to me

in summary: sad to be missing some scenes from the game but the changes they made are so beautiful i really can’t be mad. glad we got to see a happy ending for bill and frank and i’m excited for all the ways they’re setting up the next steps

[thepawnedknight]

Probably an unpopular opinion

So, I'm not the best at playing games, but when I do play one and actually enjoy the game, I try to be thorough. Also a very annoying thing to me and my friends...mostly my friends, is how well I remember things. Even stupid ass, small details that have caught my eye. I'll be the first to admit, if it doesn't catch my interest, there is a possibility I won't remember it.

Turning a game (or book) into a movie and/or a show... yes I know there will be things that are different. Yes I know they do not have time to make it perfect or make it just like the game or book. Yes I know funding can be a reason for this. I understand that people will change things just because they feel just feel like it or because they believe it will add to the story. I strongly believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Also spoiler alert throughout this post. If you enjoyed the HBO show, you also may not want to read this word vomit of an opinion post.

That being said...

My opinion on The Last of Us show...and I'm very, VERY sorry to say is that it was mediocre at best. God, that fuckin' hurts to say. I wanted to like it. I really did. They had a wonderful case. The special effects were amazing. Those infected were awesome. It was a beautiful world. They did add a very small bit to the story that I personally believe was pretty good.

But...they took so much away from it and did not give enough back to make up for it.

The infected. They looked really cool. They did a fantastic job on them. I enjoyed them when they were there. Where the fuck were they? They created a "zombie" show without many zombies. I'm not saying every single episode needs them. In fact, I'm saying you should not have them in all the episodes. It would have been nice to have more of them though. I felt like this world did not show me the true hardships of survival with infected. It almost felt like an after thought. Again, loved the infected and enjoyed them. They left me wanting more. I mean, 1 bloater? Were these creatures playing on very, very easy so something?

The relationships. I loved the Bill and Frank episode. I found myself tore. I loved that they gave Bill and Frank a better ending. I believe this episode was a good breather so the viewers could get away from the sad, scary (not so scary) world of the Last of Us. They captured Bill to a T and gave new life to Frank. I laughed and cried this episode. It was the best episode. That being said, I was salty. I will admit, my being salty was mostly because we didn't get to see Bill, Joel, and Ellie all together. Ellie and Bill butt heads and all. We missed out on Joel learning to make bombs from Bill's traps, but we can just assume he learned it from other life experiences and chose not to use them. Didn't get to hear the frustration in Bill's voice over Joel saying he owed him a favor and asking for a car.

Joel and Ellie. Tell me again, why did Ellie become attached to this version of Joel? (Sorry Pedro Pascal, we love you and I know you followed the script you were given. You did great!) Joel does start off very cold and distance from Ellie, yes. Joel comes around much faster though in the game. He trusted her with her own gun and she didn't have to hide that she had one. He became a father figure and a close friend. Did I miss where they bonded? When he got to Tommy's community, he was talking about how he was scared of the dangers from my understanding. Did I miss understand the scene? I remember in the game him telling Tommy he didn't want to bring Ellie all the way because he was scared of losing her alone the way. He didn't belive he could go through losing her because he became close to her and he had already lost one daughter. I'm sorry to say, but I don't feel that Ellie would have been that close to show Joel. He was kinda a wet blanket and more of a bodyguard rather than a friend or father figure.

Sam and Henry. Okay, I get it they were brothers. I get the creatures were trying to add to the story and were trying to pull heartstrings. I also understand that I am a huge asshole. Sam being deaf was too much of a risk for do what Henry did. (Again the actor that had played Sam did a very great job. It was the role he was given and the role he was cased for. He did awesome. I do not want to take that from the child.) The Henry in the show was very selfish. Yes, no child deserves to go without medication, but sadly that is life and it happens in a world were there are no zombies. In their world they have zombies and medication is very hard to come by. Henry betrays the bettering of life for this community for the "bettering" of his little brother's life. I say "bettering" because if he did not betray that very good man he brought up in the show, Sam could have lived the rest of his (probably short) life more comfortably or at the least safer. Instead, deaf Sam suffers the same fate as non-deaf Sam does in the game. Spoiler alert, he gets bit, he turns, and Herny has to kill an infected version of his brother. In a world with zombies, keeping a deaf child around just too risky if you don't have people to help keep them safe. I apologize, but as heartless as it sounds Henry should have just let go of Sam sooner and let him die. It would have been less painful and better than getting infected.

Changing or taking shit out. The zombies...in a world destroyed by them, they were not many to be seen.

Bill, killing off Bill cause us to miss the graveyard, going through town, hanging upside down and having to keep Ellie safe like that, the school and the gym with the bloater, pushing the truck, Ellie and Bill's back and forth. So many golden moments that could have made for great episodes. I would say two at least and three or four at the very most.

The mall. This was still an okay episode. Ellie didn't have that dumbass fight and walk off from Riley in the game, but they did have a fight. They left out the fun water gun fight and throwing rocks at those cars for the question game. I'm guessing the died body they found was suppose to be the guy they spoke about in the game where they got the booze and talked about the guy having a horse. A little fuzzy for me is what story Riley and Ellie actually danced in. I want to say it was a clothing store where the water gun fight took place not the Halloween story. Riley was not stationed at the mall and did not make bombs. Ellie was suppose to be pretty sarcastic about asking Riley to not leave and them tell her yeah go. Then ask her not to go similar to the kiss scene they had. 1 infected. They were chased through the whole mall by a flock of infected, not just attacked by 1. I just don't see how believable it would be for two trained individuals to both get bit by 1 infected. Teens or not.

Mask. Not having them wear mask more often. This was a pretty big deal in the same. Asking Ellie how she was breathing the air and then having to put them on in many different buildings. It's a infection that could be caused by breathing and they had 1 episode where they talked about it with Ellie. This is only understandable for the show because they took out most of the really cool scenes they would have had to wear them.

The leaning building. I was excited when they showed that building. They tickled my balls and then did not finish the job. Don't tease me like that and say , "PK you don't get to go inside, and you don't get to climb the outside of that bad ass, leaning building."

The flooded subway. I know this would have been really, really hard for them to shoot. I will be easy on them here. I just wish it could have been possible.

The raiders. The ones they had to jump off the bridge for because of Henry and the ones they ran into because of getting off the high rise. The high rise was not in the show so try could have avoided them better, but sense they didn't go that route good thing for this Ellie and Joel there were only a few. With Henry and Sam, you went through a city with gates and walls and large spot lights. Understanding that they took this out with making Sam deaf and it probably would have sucked to do all that and harder to have them jumping around and then jumping off that bridge. Without the bridge as well Henry didn't have to tell Joel that he knew that Ellie and Joel were strong and would survive.

The sewer. They did an okay job with the sewer, but did not give it as much life. Where was the story and big getting separated scene? I know not everyone cares about the story of the sewer community, but with everything else they been leaving out it would have been nice to see.

Fighting Bloaters, we seen 1 bloater and that was the one that killed the actor that was Tommy's voice actor from the game. We missed the one in the gym because well, Bill. Didn't get to see the ones in the college and the ones in the underground highway. Fun scenes to play for anyone who doesn't know.

When Ellie runs away. We got the scene where she's reading the dairy, but we did not get the whole part where she stole a horse and runs away. Fight raiders to find her and then fighting more once Joel and Tommy found her in that house.

The last stand. They did pretty good in the hospital fight. So good, I wished they showed more of the fighting because they didn't show a lot of it in the show.

Imma just leave this here too, they had 100 million dollars in funding and this is what they gave us. The first season of walking dead gave us better with only 20.4 million dollars. I'm not saying walking dead was perfect. I know their zombies are easier to do, but it was a zombie TV show with zombies.

Maybe I'm wrong for being as picky as I am and i know my thoughts on the last of us show is probably unpopular, but like I said in the beginning, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I know mine as pretty negative towards HBO's last of us and I'm probably the asshole, but with claims saying next big thing and stuff along those lines. A promise was made and it did not deliver.

I apologize again.

PK

[racingcore]

Did you cry at any of the episodes of tlou yet? Episode 3 and 5 were the ones that got me sobbing man i swear

cuz bill and frank's relationship was everything to me AND THEN THEY BOTH JUST LIKE DIED- and bill poisoned his drink along with frank's too cuz he didn't want to live alone, he didn't want to live a life without frank and that was just so hauntingly beautiful to me

also the fifth episode had me sobbing, cuz the way ellie thought her blood could save sam, and then henry having to kill his own brother- like even though his brother was starting to turn, he killed him, and then decided a life without sam wasn't one worth living, I think this show is just so good man I've cried so much-

Sorry about the ramble I JUST LOVE THIS SHOW SM AND IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH SOMEONE

sorry for the late reply was very busy! hope you be having a good day <3

just know in all of this, im a game fan, in some way i know how the story is going but they surprise me every time. suffering twice lets gooooooooooooo masochist behaviour 100!!!!

i cried "three" times okay

when in ep1 sarah died. always. game or show. i always cry/tear up. if you watch last of us you gotta cry then /j

yeah i was crying almost all of the bill and frank segment of ep3 which is like 95% all them. really started bawling when Frank told Bill how they are gonna spend Frank's last day. cuz damn im such a sucker for 'love' in all kinds just humanity. im so insane about that episode it makes me look fucking stupid. if i had something like bill and frank, im sure i'd not want to live without the other too. they would be my purpose.

the third time was ep5. sam and henry's death didnt make me cry. i knew they were gonna die. ellie helping sam made me cry so bad. it hit so fucking hard.

ellie telling sam and helping her with her blood. there is just something in kids, alive and so caring and naive to the world. ellie in her caring nature and naivety fully believed that she could save sam. AND FUCK SHE WANTED TO. SHE HAD A FRIEND AND CARED SO MUCH. even joel saw how ellie liked henry and sam and in the sniper scene when he knew what she was gonna do to save them he didnt even question it. he helped her. he is softening. he asked henry to come with them to wyoming.

i dont think joel is the kinda person who buries people. he did it for ellie. she needed it. and as i said in my other post, for her he needed it too.

LIKE FUCK IM INSANE CUZ OF TLOU. both the games killed me and neil drukman and criag maizn are hunting my ghost down for sport.

[amoveablejake]

Long, long time

An evening with Bill and Frank.

When it was announced that there would be a ‘Last of Us’ series one of the questions that I had swirling around my head was how much of the game’s narrative would they change and when they did inevitably change aspects to what extent would it be to. What I didn’t think about was how the changes may even be improvements on the game’s story or at the very least, adding a new element to it that you didn’t necessarily realise you needed but now it’s here, you can’t imagine the tale without it. Obviously, some parts of the adaptation needed to change because it is afterall a series made for television rather than a video game. The trek to the battery and the combat for it that is in the early stages of the first game wasn’t in the series and really, it didn’t need to be. That point of conflict is largely used as a tutorial and the series didn’t need that instead dumping the shoot out to show the aftermath which was the part that was needed to advance the story. A small change yes but a significant one. It shows how much thought and consideration has gone into the serie’s portrayal of this story and its characters but we always knew that it would. Really though, what this change shows is that this is a story that doesn’t need to fall into action to keep its viewers hooked and instead it’s key intrigue is in this human stories weaved within it.

If you’ve gotten this far then I imagine you have been watching the ‘Last of Us’ and if not, well, be aware that there may be some light spoilers for episode three of the series to come. Episode three is probably the biggest departure from the game so far as it is an episode that is almost solely around the relationship between Bill and Frank. Now, whilst these characters do exist in the game we don’t get this look into their relationship. We meet Bill still as the master of his domain but in a more rundown urban area and there follows a search for a battery for the car which is heartbreaking in its own way. The series though, didn’t take us on the expedition through the urban and then suburban houses as Ellie, Joel and Bill made their way to a school. It took all of that out and instead shows one of the most human stories in what may be one of the finest episode of any television series that I have ever seen. Bill and Frank’s relationship over a number of years is explored in the series and whilst it is a departure from the Joel and Ellie narrative it is a more than welcome one. Yes, it is expanding the world a little but more than that it is showing us that these stories and relationships can survive in this bleak world which is important to remember as there is probably going to be a lot of bleak times ahead in the series, I don’t think they’ll leave that behind in the game.

In both the ‘Walking Dead’ comics and series, the walkers become the mere background quite early on. Yes, there are moments to come where they are brought back to the foreground to remind the reader and viewer of the threat they pose and the world that the characters inhabit but Kirkman does make it clear that it is a story about humans and that the walkers, they’re just part of that world. The ‘Last of Us’ has established this even quicker than the ‘Walking Dead’ which I suppose it did need to as it doesn’t have quite the same amount of time as it’s apocalyptic sibling but the way it has done it is a revelation. These sorts of stories have been told before don’t get me wrong, Kirkman’s creation does feature some like it however, the way that this story was told for Bill and Frank with such love and care was beautiful. It’s departure from the video game depiction was a breath of fresh air and Bill proved to be as influential if not even more so than when he is actually with Joel and Ellie in the game. I’m not sure how far the series will go in the future in its departures from its source material but if they continue to be like this episode then what a special series it will continue to be.

-Jake, a man once again on an early morning train, 04/02/2023

[ivyglow]

Thinking ‘bout you | Mat Barzal NYI

A/n: Hey, guys! This request was from the song prompt list that @with-the-words-all-wrong​ tagged me, you can check it on her profile <3. I’m sorry I took too long, but I decided to write a whole ass piece and here it is (and guess what? I hated it lmao). 

- Btw if someone wants to proof read my pieces it would be great, just dm me if you’re interested! 

Word count: 3.3k 

Requested prompt:  10 “Can I see you again and not feel bad about it” & 13 “I liked when you cared about me too”

Summary: Y/n and Mat met through mutual friends and it’s not long before they start hooking up. She’s has a wild spirit, he’s looking for someone to settle down. Is it possible to meet the right person at the wrong time?

Flashbacks in Italic! 

Things started slowly but surely people knew it was coming. Since the first time y/n was introduced to Mat’s circle of friends, everyone noticed the way his eyes sparkled with interest and the way she seemed to reciprocate it. They were both young, reckless and any slight chance of love or affection sounded good to Barzal at that time. He was living on his own, and sure most of his time was at practice or out with his friends, but the home-alone time made him think about some things such as settling or at least going for something more serious than the eventual hookups that he would have. 

Y/n was funny and beautiful. God, was she beautiful.

The first thing he noticed about her was the eyes. On that low lighted bar, her eyes were glowing green in contrast with her skin. She was wearing jeans and sneakers, outstanding everyone. She was so simple, and maybe that was the thing that drew him towards her. The feeling of not caring about what people would think, not being open to doing everything as expected but doing it as you wanted to. 

And maybe, just maybe, it was this exact feeling that made y/n choose Mathew. 

Everyone in her family was expecting her to get into a serious relationship as soon as she landed in New York, but as her friend, Kayla would say “New York it’s not the place to find a lover”, and she was well aware of being on the age of glory. Her early twenties and the freedom of living on her own, paying her own bills something she dreamed of since she turned fourteen. 

She wanted to have fun and Mathew Barzal was definitely a funny guy.

They went to many friends’ meetings before finally taking a step on the obvious sexual tension. That did not mean it was time enough to become best friends, it was time enough to become mutuals. He knew some things about her and she knew some about him. He knew, for example, that she hated when people tried to make decisions for her, she liked independence in every way and damn was y/n mad when their friends tried to pair her with Mat before she could make her mind about it. 

The thing she knew about him was that he liked her and she knew it because he was an obvious guy or at least he was obvious when it came to her. Not in the sweet romantic way, but in a cute and affectionate way. 

Or at least that’s what she tried to remember while things started to escalate quickly with movie nights and nights in, or morning sex. They were getting attached, but it wasn’t what y/n planned at all and she knew she had a short amount of time before she would get attached herself. 

It was a Friday night, she had an average day at work and the guys were celebrating friendship, just the possibility of having their small and closed group whenever they needed. These kinds of celebrations started with Kayla, she was the one always wondering and getting the best of life, pulling her focus towards the small details of life that usually made it better. Her biggest fear was to die without enjoying life, y/n was always down for her ideas and shared a fear that looked a lot like Kayla’s.

They were chilling in Tito’s balcony, drinks in hand, enjoying the feeling of the cold New York air hitting their faces and the noises of the city that never sleeps being drowned by the many floors below. Kayla was telling one of her stories while Mat, Joe, Katy, and Isabela listened carefully. Tito was sitting by them but seemed lost on his own little world, the reason why y/n would sometimes call him ‘dreamy boy’. A random song was playing low on the speakers, but everyone heard when y/n finally arrived.

“Why you always late?” Joe asked before swinging the rest of his beer in a long sip. 

“I’m never late…” she faked confusion before going for the wine bottle. “You guys just always early.” 

Mat chuckled and Kayla rolled her eyes slightly, he liked her so much he even found her shitty jokes funny. Or maybe it was just Mathew, he usually was the first one to laugh, anything was fun to him, almost like he didn’t curse or lost his mind every 5 minutes on the ice.

“That one is old, y/n” Tito finally left his dreamy thoughts and provoked his friend. He loved to joke around with y/n, it was like she had an answer for everything and she also happened to be a great listener whenever he needed a sincere opinion that wasn’t from Barzal. 

“You’re getting old too and I’m not saying that in your face...and Mathew laughed, I would say my jokes are aging well” y/n walked over greeting everyone properly. Barzal was the last one and kiss she left too close to his mouth wasn’t unnoticed by  Anthony. 

“Wanna sit with me?” He asked still holding her by the hand. All the available surfaces to sit already occupied. 

“You mean to say ‘sit on you’?!” 

Isabela that was sitting closer to Mat laughed out loud, “You guys are so obvious…” 

“Are you drunk?” y/n replied back trying to sound nonchalant and sitting on Mat’s tights. 

His hands found its way on her waist and she was a bit impressed at how comfortable it felt to be that close. He was wearing his cargo pants and a grey sweatshirt, hair an aesthetic mess at the top of his head and lips glowing from his beer. 

It was short before Kayla went back to her story and y/n start sipping her wine. 

Mat’s hand would travel up and down her waistline under the soft blouse she was wearing and eventually her left hand found his neck hair. It seemed natural, almost as if the exchange of physical affection were something they did every day, and considering their friends were not chirping or making a huge deal out of the situation it seemed even more common. 

“Are you driving home?” y/n asked when Mat finished his second beer bottle and she was still on her first wine glass. 

He turned to look at her, a slightly confused and curious frown on his face. 

“You’re drinking...I know you handle your alcohol just fine, but drink and drive it’s no good” she explains being more detailed than usual. 

Barzal chuckles before pressing a kiss in her cheekbone, “You look cute when you’re worried.”

“It’s not-” she starts but the look on his face says it all, he already knew. He had her figured out so easily sometimes it was scary. “I just wanna sleep in peace knowing all my friends are fine… I care about you.”

“You wouldn’t have this problem if you sleep with me tonight.” 

And indeed, that was the first night they spent together and it was far to be the last. 

Usually, she would be gonna by the sunrise, but this time y/n was exhausted with work and school and having to deal with her family constantly asking about plans they had for her, besides the physical weariness of a whole sex night with Mat. That morning she woke up not to a silent house, but to a shirtless Mat cooking breakfast while blasting her playlist of favorite songs. 

“Normally I woke up without feeling like it, but Frank Ocean is playing and you’re doing pancakes...although I’m not really sure about how the food is going to turn out” y/n walked in the kitchen catching Mathew’s attention. 

“Good morning to you too” he mocked her, glancing at his oversized shirt that hung her body in a baggy way but still so beautiful. 

“You need help there?” she asked going to the water bottle sitting on the counter.

“This is the last pancake, everything’s ready” he walked away from the stove just to wrap one arm around y/n’s middle. 

She thought to herself that Mat was the whole package, he knew her so well, he even put effort into cooking in the mornings they spent together -which were few, but still- and he was a great listener, although he liked to talk just as much. He was funny and hot, and he could do both so easily it was painful sometimes. But instead of voicing her thoughts, she kept to herself and left their silence to hug their bodies together. His face resting on the crook of her neck and her hands brushing his long locks. 

As soon as the song switched to Lost, y/n’s lips left a loud gasp. Mat would be surprised or confused, but it wasn’t his first time seeing her enjoy her favorites Frank Ocean songs, some he knew the entire lyrics. It was funny to see her wildly dancing and singing as if the world would end anytime soon. And it was those same eyes that made him leave breakfast for good and join her private show. They spent almost thirty minutes stuck on the dance-sing-perform-y/n’s-favorites.

These were the moments where they would be more friends than ever. Sharing the intimacy of the voice of each other and the awkward dance moves, getting to know the songs’ preference, and almost getting a noisy complaint by the neighbors.

And so when Mat started to miss her in the mornings and wish her by his side at night he realized that the intimacy of the moments they spent together could fit as a relationship intimacy as well. Y/n was so easy to be around and she would always have her own way of seeing random everyday things. She liked to go straight to the point too, she hated to lie and hated to left people read one thing when she was trying to say another. That’s why when they started to hookup she told Mathew she wasn’t looking for a lover, she liked him for sure, but being in the years of glory and living in New York wasn’t something she wanted to leave for a relationship. 

After almost four months going on like they used to, Mat thought maybe y/n changed her mind. Maybe she liked him as much as he liked her. 

And she was point-blank when Barzal brought the subject, “I like you a lot, but I love my freedom.” She didn’t try to put much into it, telling him about her problems would only make him built hope, and she knew that maybe by the time she was fine with the idea of a serious relationship she could be in love with someone else or even he could be. Y/n liked Mathew indeed and that’s why she left him. 

Keep it up would only hurt him. 

And so they said their goodbyes without a huge fight, but the silence still hurt just as much.

Mat shifted his focus to the season that was about to start, the travel around and games non-stop would take his mind away from how complicated feelings could be sometimes. Y/n, on the other hand, dived into work and school, however, still gets herself wondering about Barzal and how things would turn out if she said yes to his proposition. She missed him in the simple tasks of the day and had to constantly remind that they were not texting each other anymore and no, he definitely did not want to know about the funny dog that ran to her at the park. 

Nevertheless, they had the same group of friends and when the season ended and so did midterms, it was crystal clear that they would need to face each other again. 

It was a Friday night, just like the first time they spent the night together, and she had an awful day at work, still, Kayle was able to drag her to Tito’s apartment where the small group where reunited. This time it was not one of her best friend random celebrations, it was actually because they spent too long without meeting. 

When they finally reached Anthony’s floor y/n still had no idea how she would talk with Mat. She was nervous. They went from 2 a.m calls to zero communication and the lack of it was the reason why she had no idea how he was feeling, if he was doing fine, if he hated her, if he was ok with keeping the friendship etc. 

Everyone was in the living room surrounded by bottles and snacks while a random pop song was playing on the tv. He was the first face she searched for but was nowhere to be found, and so y/n settled for greeting each of her friends with a warm and tight hug. 

Except for Tito, he was the last one on the sofa line, “where’s my wine, Beau?” 

“Kitchen counter” he rolled his eyes playfully. 

“Alright, now I can give you a hug” y/n joked before lowering herself and draping her arms around Anthony’s shoulders.

“Bring me another water bottle too, please” Joe requested when she was making her way towards the other room.

The hardwood floor felt cold against her feet and she enjoyed the feeling, trying to switch her thoughts to something other than why Mathew wasn’t there. But before she was able to, she reached the kitchen and there he was sitting on the stool while working in one of his drinks.

It was like the cold from her feet reached her whole body suddenly and she was nervous again.

Mathew made y/n nervous.

It was new to her and she was torn between trying to figure out more about the unknown feeling or ignoring it by shoving it down her pocket. 

“Hey!” she tried to sound cheerful, but only got a nod as the response.

Y/n couldn’t read him with his eyes away from her, but he seemed a little out of tune. His hair the usual aesthetic mess at the top of his head and his so friendly white sweatshirt. 

She walked over to the freezer reaching the water bottle Joe asked for and then going for the glasses and pouring her so loved wine. 

“For a moment when I walked in and didn’t saw my wine at the coffee table, I thought Tito had forgotten about me” her remark did not bother Mathew that kept working with the lemon and vodka in front of him. The pang on her heart now so much vivid. Maybe he hated her indeed, maybe he was heartbroken after everything they went through. And she couldn’t help but finally let some kind of guilty sink at the top of her stomach. “Can I see you again and not feel bad about it?” 

The thirty seconds of silence were filled with Mat’s breath since y/n was holding hers. 

“What do you mean?” Mat sounded genuinely confused. 

“I mean you ignoring me...I never intended to hurt you, you know?” 

“I’m sorry. I’m not ignoring you, I’m just out of the area today, my sleep schedule is all fucked up and I’ve been a little grumpy lately, there’s nothing to do with you.” 

She wanted to ask how he was doing, if he were hurt when things didn’t go as planned, she even wished to ask about hockey so he would smile bright and big and keep talking for the next two hours. But instead, she took the wine glass and water bottle, making her away to the living room while holding her heart in her hands too. 

Joe started a conversation about vacation and so it was the main topic for two hours straight, and even though Mat knew a lot about the subject he kept his mouth shut, mainly just listening to everyone while sipping his drink. It was unusual considering Barzal was usually the one who couldn’t shut up, you would always hear him on the friends’ get-together either his loud voice or his laugh. 

Y/n found herself looking at Mat right across her, but she was still able to miss him, cause it didn’t felt like he was there. He was far away in all meanings. 

“There’s something I can do to help?” y/n asked while walking to sit beside Mat in the bed they were, certainly, going to share that night, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to make you feel better, I guess you know by now that it wasn’t your fault.”

Mat was moping since he got home, the islanders had lost and the cherry to the cake was the fact that they lost a home game, and y/n was by his side time enough to know that he absolutely hated to lose this way, but she wasn’t time enough to know how she was supposed to deal with it. She wasn’t in the mood for sex and he sure wasn’t too, however she couldn’t stand the pouty lips and the moody Mat, it gave her heart a little pain.

“You don’t need to say anything” he mumbled underneath the covers. 

“But I want to. I care about you, Mathew.” she insisted. “What can I do?”

Mat had this soft smile in the corner of his lips watching y/n sitting by his side and looking at him as if he was the most important thing to her at that moment. ‘I care about you’ wasn’t an ‘I love you’, but it meant something deep and they both knew it. 

“You can just lay with me.” He gave up scooting to the side and opening his arms for her to lay on top of him. “And stay the night.” 

“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,” y/n’s lips found Mat’s in a slow and sweet kiss that last only some seconds before her face was on the crook of his neck. 

Everyone was too caught up on the conversation to notice y/n walk to the balcony and sit in one of the big cold chairs, everyone except Mat and it didn’t take long for him to grab a blanket and follow. He knew she was barefoot and she usually was cold at night. Mat knew a lot of things he never thought he would when they first started going out. Yes, he was looking for a lover, and yes he wished with all his willpower to be y/n, but she left him dazed, living each day by its time - as it’s supposed to be -. Maybe that was the reason why in the middle of it all he didn’t stop too much to think about how things were turning in an unknown road...and when he did, it took them to the mess they were living. 

Barzal said nothing as he dropped the blanket around y/n’s body and lowered himself to sit by her side. 

“Thank you,” she mumbled a bit dizzy. 

“No need to thank me, I just still care about you, that’s all.” His voice was low but firm. He didn’t sound spiteful, it was as if he was letting himself to be soft after every solid thing that hit both of them. 

And y/n took the time to process that information. 

Mat still care!!!, her insides screaming in pure joy and confusion, and she felt as unsteady as ever. All the ‘what if’s’ making room inside her thoughts. But ‘What if he still cares, but don’t want anything?' ‘What if things don’t work out?’

“I liked when you cared about me too…” Mat voiced taking y/n’s silence as an answer itself. . 

“Mat, I’m just…” she thought for some seconds more, her head still bubbling with doubts. “I still care about you.”

His head was still low, fingers playing with a random bracelet, he was deep in his thoughts just as y/n. 

“I wasn’t ready to commit, I have so much shit going on and it’s a whole package. A relationship is different from how we were working before. It demands a lot more…I also needed these months to think again and again about it.” She ranted while staring at the building in front of them. “But I still do. I still care about you.”

“I wanna give it a try, the whole package, and everything. I like you, y/n.” He whispered, his voice drowned by the noise of the city, but she was still able to hear him, the soft tone, the truth underneath each word. “Just text me and let me know when you’re ready.” 

She nodded while they exchanged a meaningful look. Truth dripping from each other’s eyes along with affection and a new kind of feeling.

They sat there in silence for some minutes, just listening to the city’s noise and feeling the cold air hit their faces before y/n took her phone typing a simple message and sending it to Mat. He looked at her, a hint of amusement and happiness, and she shook her head yes.

[kazoo5480]

Almost finished! 30 chapters down, a few more to go. Thanks to those of you who wrote awesome notes, and who provide inspiration to us newbies every day with your lovely tales!

Chapter 1 Arrivals

Prologue – September 1943, New York City

25-year-old Killian Jones steps down the ramp off the Algernon straight from Belfast. He has $40 to his name, the clothes on his back. Having lost his brother in an accident, his mother to illness, and abandonment of his father when he was 7, Killian made a choice to leave his homeland and make his way to America. America was currently engaged in World War II, with no family left, he decides that a fresh start in a new land and a new line of work away from the IRA is just what he needs after the arrests and massacres taking place back in Ireland.

Gun running and violence is not a life he wants any longer, nor is a life in prison, or death. He is hopeful that despite his heritage, he will be able to settle into a new life, away from the massacre left behind on the emerald isle. Finding honest work is harder than he expected, even in a city this large.

Waiting in those long lines with all those other expats, hoping to find honest work and nothing. He goes every day for two weeks but quickly realizes that no one wants to hire an Irishman or give him a fair shake. But he believes you make your own destiny and believes in hard work and determination.

He hears the other men talking, that security and lounges, the US Army, and driving taxis are just about the only people hiring anyone right now if you aren’t American.

Killian has no interest in joining Americas crusade, so he finds a gig working the doors and security a little dingy nightclub at first, but slowly descends into the more glamorous nightclubs and lounges.

Word spreads quickly to his newest employer, Louis Lepke, who owns the Riobamba- one of Manhattan’s most posh nightclubs that Killian was once part of the IRA and has a hell of a left hook. Lepke, one of the most dangerous mob bosses in New York at that time sees potential in Killian, thinks that his past IRA ties could be beneficial to their enterprise, and he offers him a better paying job running pickups and drop offs of packages that Killian doesn’t open and doesn’t want to open.

While the money is nothing to turn your nose up at, Killian continues this path, socking away the cash and crafting an entirely new persona for himself while making his own contingency plans to disappear for a quieter life someplace near the sea, perhaps finding peace and burying his demons for good at last.

Killian will never forget the day he was able to move out of the vermin infested room he had been renting in a boarding house on the lower east side, and into a three-room apartment of his own for $80 a month near Washington Square Park. Not cheap by any means, but it’s a second-floor walkup, with a fireplace, and wide windows that overlook the street.

Lepke pays him three hundred a month right now, but he always earns tips from both ends of pickup and delivery, and that extra cash is always appreciated.

He will never forget the first suit he purchases, or his first pair of new shoes in god knows how many years. He knows with his new employment, he needs to look the part, so he only is careful in his wardrobe choices, dark colors that won’t show dirt easily, well-tailored shirts, wingtips in black and white, and two hats that he sees the other men wearing.

He manages to pry a floorboard in the back of his new closet loose, securing the hole with a thin layer of wood, ensuring nothing would fall through or be lost to the ageing building, and he uses this as home for his cash and very little valuables. He has no furniture to speak of, except a mattress on the floor with linens, but he knows soon enough he will have money to furnish his new home.

For now, he is only willing to spend money on rent, and groceries, he saves every dollar that he earns after his necessities are purchased.

What he does not expect is meeting Emma Swan, an enchanting blonde lounge singer at the Riobamba. Frank Sinatra even plays there on occasion, so the joint was always packed. But amongst all those entertainers, is Emma. With the voice of an angel, the body of a bloody goddess, and a fire in her green eyes.

He knows that from the moment he saw her dancing and singing across that smoke filled room, that he was going to have her no matter the cost. Tonight, her golden curls pinned back on one side with a glittering clip, wrapped in a floor length sequin dress cut scandalously low in the front, even for the nightclub scene at that point in time.

She is easily the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, and he wonders if she works for Lepke as well, a personal relationship perhaps, and the thought of any man touching her at all has him see red when those thoughts flit through his mind. He always hopes divine intervention is on his side to catch a glimpse of her during her sets, whether picking up or dropping off to his boss.

Occasionally he just sits in the back nursing a rum while he watches her, gliding around the small stage, dressed like sex personified, singing in that angelic voice of hers, enchanting the entire room.

She sings songs of love and happiness, sometimes she covers popular music of other entertainers, but he sees the sadness and demons lingering behind those emerald eyes, the glittering dresses and gorgeous gold curls. He wants to know more, scale those walls he can spot a mile high surrounding her.

On more than one occasion he is thankful for the low lighting of the club and his dark suits to hide the evidence of his rock-hard arousal that she stirs up every damn time he lays eyes on her. Green eyes that sparkle in the low lighting, locking on his blue. She sees him and he sees her, never exchanging words, just eye locks and then he is off.

In a rare occasion that Killian indulges the other members of his crew in playing craps, he casually asks about Emma to one of the kinder men, Bill Starkey, a slightly older married man, who handles the books for the clubs that Lepke owns.

“What of that lounge singer Starkey, she is a sight for sore eyes if I may say so myself”, Killian mentions with a smile. The older man looks him over for a second, and replies “She is a quite a dame, isn’t she? Voice of a siren an everything, but she is not to be trifled with - She keeps to herself, is a bloody fantastic piece of entertainment, draws the crowds in, but she does not mess with our crew. Many of ours have learned that the hard way he says with a laugh, Tough as brass that one is, so don’t bother with her”, and the man went back to the game.

When Starkey bids goodnight, leaving the younger men to their games, another crew member that Killian has somewhat befriended named Victor Whale leans over, exhaling a cloud of smoke. “If its Emma you’ve set your sightings on, you are not as slick as you think ya git, my girl Ruby mentioned that she caught you watching her shows on occasion, but Emma doesn’t date anyone around here, if she does date, it isn’t anyone related to our line of work”.

Bidding goodnight to Killian and the few stragglers still playing, he stands and Killian notices Ruby Lucas in her coat waiting by the door with a smile on her face. Whale takes her hand and pulls them out the door. Killian feels a pang of jealousy at their obvious companionship but pushes the thought away.

Ruby Lucas, the costume coordinator for the club, is a gorgeous specimen of her own right with long chocolate locks, hazel eyes, and legs for days. She has worked in the club a long time, and if anyone knows Emma, its Ruby. Killian decides that perhaps he shall inquire to Ms. Lucas about Swan but tucks the thought away for another time.

He has gained enough information about her for one night, he will have to just be patient. If Ruby has noticed him watching Emma, he would bet the few dollars left in his lightened pocket tonight that she has told Swan about him, and that is something he is not quite sure he knows how to feel about.

He wonders what Ruby would tell Emma, since she was obviously very much with Whale, she must know more about their conducted business, but appears to know when to keep her mouth shut. Maybe, the tides will be in his favor since he tends to keep a low profile in his job. The bosses like him because he is discreet and is known not to be messed with.

Emma sees him alright, black suits, navy wool suits, tuxedoes at parties, custom made shirts, and she would bet her last dollar that those cufflinks he always wears are actual sterling silver.

He has slicked back inky hair, tousled in just the right places, a permanent five o’ clock shadow, and forget me not blue eyes that haunt her for days every single time she catches a glimpse of him staring right back at her. 

She notices the way he carries himself, so confident, dangerous, and definitely a hustler. He must be connected somehow, and Emma does not want that complication in her simple life.

He looks at her sometimes like he would devour her like a man on death row, and she being his last meal. She cannot get mixed up with someone like him, she has survived this long without someone, and the last time she allowed someone into her heart it nearly broke her in two.

Her friend Ruby has casually mentioned him, his name is Killian Jones, he works with her boyfriend Victor, but she does not know exactly what his role is. Ruby giggles as she talks about how handsome Killian is, and notes that he always throws her a generous tip, never ogling her or being disrespectful like some of the other crew who think that any woman in the club is dumb enough to roll in the sack with them.

Ruby has been with her boyfriend for a few years from what she mentions, having been together since before Victor’s job with Lepke’s crew, whatever that may be. Ruby is also one of the few people that makes Emma smile genuinely and lifts her spirits. Emma considers the brunette one of her very few real friends.

One night after her set is done, Emma enters her dressing room, and slips out of her dress, carefully hanging it inside the garment bag, and lights a cigarette, swallowing a sip of her Manhattan. Her roommate Mary Margaret is getting better and better with her sewing skills, her emerald green gown tonight is delicate, covered in sequins and green feathers float around the hem of her dress, she admires the gown once more before zipping the bag.

Standing in her silk stockings and garters, she begins removing her jewelry and realizes suddenly that she is not alone. Sitting in a low chair in the back corner of the dressing room is Killian fucking Jones. She grabs for her silk robe, tying it quickly- trying to regain some of her modesty. Watching her with those blue eyes, fingers crossed under his chin while he leans forward, elbows on his knees.

"Don't stop on my account love, I simply wanted to introduce myself, and I thank the bloody gods that I was granted enough luck to watch your private show just now. He smirked at her, running is tongue over his bottom lip, and she wanted to punch that smirk off his smug face, even if her heart beat faster in her chest and not from anxiety.

“Emma breathe,” she internally chastises herself. Her brain reconnects, she stamps out her cigarette, and she manages to spit out “listen pal, I don't know who the hell you think you are, but I am not that type of woman. Go buy one down the street if you need to get your rocks off but get the hell out.”

He stood up, adjusting his trousers by the belt, which she noticed were fitting awfully tight, the evidence of his arousal clear but now covered as he buttoned his coat up.

He spoke, his voice a lilting Irish accent, “I apologize lass, I simply wanted to introduce myself and give you these in person,” he held out a large bouquet of creamy white roses tipped in pale pink, tied with a black silk ribbon. 

“You are a vision, both on and off the stage Swan, and I simply was hoping to make your acquaintance as we seem to catch each other’s eye from time to time. I thought perhaps my interest was reciprocated, but clearly it is not, and I shan't bother you again”.

Emma did not know what to say, still shocked, her red painted mouth in a grim line. She caught his cologne as he made his exit, carefully avoiding touching her in any way. He smelled of wood and spice, and definitely rum.

Right as he was crossing the threshold to exit, Emma made a rash decision, and grabbed his hand, locked eyes with him and said, “Don't ever do that again, thank you for the flowers, but I am not interested.” 

“They're nothing compared to you Emma, but I do apologize again”, and with that parting line Killian quietly exited, making sure to close the door fully behind him.

Emma locked the handle, ensuring no one else would interrupt her. She cleaned most of her face off and pulled on her burgundy wool dress and matching coat, gathered her things, and her flowers hailing a cab home.

Tagging a few who might be interested! @wefoundloveunderthelight @itsfabianadocarmo @purplehawkcaptain @the-lady-of-misthaven @the-captains-ayebrows @thesschesthair @myfearless-love @kmomof4 @jonesfandomfanatic @hookedpirate @xhookswenchx @let-it-raines @letmedieahooker @captainswanouat @captainswoon @cathloves @laschatzi @timeless-love-story @asluve @ao3feed-cs @ahookerandproud @ineffablecolors @the-darkdragonfly @donteattheappleshook @kymbersmith-90 @elizabeethan @the-darkdragonfly @tnlph @the-captains-ayebrows @captainswoon @captainswanouat @captain-swan-coffee​ @jrob64​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​​ @captainirishstubble @onceuponadaily​ @resident-of-storybrooke​​ @greenlef777 Let me know if you want to be added or removed! 

[sanktaleksander]

Big fan of your writing :) Thought I'd ... how about number 57 of the intimacy prompts with Brank?

Have a great day! 💫✌🧚‍♂️🎊

I’m so happy to know anyone enjoys my writing and I hope this makes up for my lack of new fics lately. Brank + 57. Secretly dating

“This is a little more romantic than I would expect from you.” 

The small smile that came to Bill’s lips at that made Frank’s heart beat a little faster. 

“What can I say, Frankie? Your whole hopeless romantic deal is starting to rub off on me.”

Frank had never gotten flowers, not from anyone. He was more used to giving than receiving them actually. But then again, he also wasn’t used to his object of affection being another man, let alone Billy Russo, the man who had been his best friend since they both met in basic training. He wasn’t sure exactly what type these were, though the lavender ones were obviously roses, he knew that much. Though the white ones, a much different look than the elegant shape of the roses, he didn’t know if he’d ever seen them before, let alone what they were. It was a rather unique bouquet though, not one he would expect just anyone to give out. He wondered what had made Bill choose these flowers, sure he would’ve had to make some sort of order to have it made, as this definitely wasn’t something a florist normally had available to pick up on the spot. Bill must’ve seen the question in his gaze. “The roses are supposed to be a symbol for love at first sight. The others, the white ones, are gardenias.” He paused a moment, licking his lips, almost like he was a bit nervous. Frank couldn’t help finding that sweet. “The gardenias are supposed to mean joy, other thoughts of beauty and thinking someone is lovely. But I picked them more because they’re supposed to be a symbol of love that is a secret.” He ducked his head at that. He definitely wasn’t used to saying out loud the things he held inside, especially when it concerned how he felt about Frank.

As Frank took the bouquet, wrapped up perfectly with a ribbon, he couldn’t help feeling that moments like this were definitely worth all the sneaking around. He knew what he was signing up for when he got involved with Billy, someone who was not only the high profile CEO of Anvil but a man, who like himself, was not out to anyone save for a few select people. For two people like them, who both had grown up in a less than accepting environment and went on to serve in the military, which was also not the greatest place to be an out person of any orientation, coming out was not something that was easy, both personally and in every other aspect of their lives. 

But in the end, it got to the point that denying how they felt about each other was more painful than taking the chance of admitting their feelings for each other. After spending years together, it simply became too big to ignore, even as Billy fielded offers for dates from a whole host of women and Frank tried to grapple with his feelings for the other man at the same time he was figuring out how to deal with the breakup with his ex-girlfriend. Frank ended up realizing how the only person that ever seemed to truly make him happy was Bill as his best friend came around more often, if only just to make sure Frank was still in one piece now that Maria was gone. He’d always had thoughts about guys but had done everything he could to ignore it or write his feelings off as something every guy thought about at some point. Bill wasn’t much better, smothering his desires with drinks while sleeping with whatever woman he could convince himself he wanted. In that way, they were almost kindred spirits, trying to fight the one thing they’d truly been fighting their whole lives. 

Looking back at all that and how they’d managed to survive not only their childhoods but the war that came after, all the while staying together and in touch even when their paths threatened to diverge, Frank couldn’t help being grateful that they were even here in the first place. Deep down he’d always known it was Bill, practically from the moment they’d met and it turned out Bill had experienced much the same thing. Though things were far from perfect, Frank didn’t really mind keeping things quiet. He had faith that sooner or later, they’d be able to be open about everything, including themselves and their relationship. But things like that always took time and effort and until then, Frank cherished moments like this and the bits of affection and love Bill showed him more and more all the time. “They’re beautiful, just like you,” Frank told Billy, the fondness clear in his voice as he did the cliched romanced girl move and inhaled the scent of the flowers, not that there was much of one but it felt almost silly not to do it. There was that little smile again, pulling at the corners of Bill’s mouth, even as he tried to fight it. “You really like them, then? It’s not too...cheesy?”

Frank chuckled softly, “Not at all. You know me, I’m old fashioned through and through, I live for things like this.” 

Billy stepped closer, slipping an arm around Frank’s waist. “You mean I’m starting to get pretty good at this gay romance thing?” Those dark eyes, normally so good at hiding every unwanted emotion, now sparkled with mischief, making excitement bloom in the pit of Frank’s stomach. 

This man was going to be the death of him and Frank couldn’t imagine a better way to go. “Oh yes, I think I’m going to have to show you just how good you’ve been doing. I think you’ve earned it.” Frank couldn’t stop his own smile as the taller man leaned down so he could kiss him, that warm, excited feeling spreading throughout the rest of his body. 

As the sun set over the city, bathing the balcony they stood on in the last rays of the day’s light, Billy kissed Frank more and more until the air began to turn chilly and the two lovers parted just long enough to step inside, more than happy to warm each other up between the expensive silk sheets on Billy’s bed. 

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Animaniacs Reboot Episode One

Fandom how we doin? Doin alright? Good!! We deserve to have a great reboot with these characters. I’ve been waiting for this day for the last two years of telling my friends who watched the original show (or even the ones that didn’t who were polite enough to lesson to me ramble). The best way to get my thoughts in order is-you guessed it!! A bulleted list!! 

- The Jurassic Park intro is still one of my favorite things that I have ever seen in any cartoon!!  

-Wakko and Yakko imitating each other is something that I never knew I needed in my life and I freaking howled with laughter hearing it!! 

-THE FREAKING OPENING SONG BEING SO SIMILAR YET KEEPING IT MODERN IS SOMETHING SO AMAZING!! The one thing that I didn’t get was Dot has wit, she’s cute they’re all witty. Though they are technically all cute!!

-Yakko’s little laugh seeing the water tower for the first time in 22 years was so cute okay? I love him, he’s my favorite of the group always has been and always will be. 

-There is a tad more sibling abuse this time around, I saw a lot of people hating on Yakko for smacking Wakko in one of the promos. To me it was more of a light bitch slap. It was more along of the lines of “Dumbass why didn’t you remember?! Do I have to do everything around here?!” 

- I already figured that Wakko left his sandwich there 22 years ago but watching him actually eat it was SO GROSS!! Like baby I’ll make you a much better sandwich just give me a few minutes. But him tripping the wires on his way back after doing that intricate “sandwich” dance was both hilarious and in character. 

- THERE LITTLE HUG I AM DEAD FROM CUTENESS!!! Also Dot breaking the fourth wall loved that

- Return of Frank Welker for Ralph!! He was always one of my favorites when I was a little kid with his bumbling idiocy. 

- I like the new CEO fine, she has room for development a little bit but her comedic timing was really good!! 

- Also Yakko calling Ralph “Ralphie” was adorable and nobody can tell me otherwise. 

- “I’m the eating stuff guy!!” Yes you are baby but Yakko is the knowledge boi and he needs to know everything (within the last 22 years that got a cackle out of me)

- Alright onto something that made me utterly lose my shit, the songs. Holy hell are these songs fantastic!! I love them so much, Randy freaking Rogell needs more love in the world as our resident song writer. Nobody writes songs for cartoons quite like he does. It’s still just as educational as it was 22 years ago and I love that this show is still teaching stuff to children with the same fast pace so at the end of the song you wonder if you learned anything at all or if you just loved the song. Also them being self aware about what year it was had me rolling on the floor. 

-ALSO BILL CLINTON STILL PLAYS THE SAX

- (A little side note I love these singing voices even 22 years later Rob still sings like a damn angel for Yakko, Tress is still adorable af for Dot and I still adore Jess’s Wakko in whatever quantity I can get him) 

- BRAIN INVENTED THE INTERNET?! WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME THIS?! 

- Also Brain’s insults are still fire “Pinky I’d be worried this drivel is turning your mind soft but you can’t mash what is already mush.” I have always loved their dynamic ever since I was a little girl. Also I have missed “Pinky are you pondering what I’m pondering?” way too much. 

- “That’s nice Brain. I spent the last 22 years undergoing rigorous psychotherapy and realized that our codependent relationship isn’t based on a shared desire to conquer the world but rather my enabling of your systematic emotional and physical abuse.” Baby yes you are absolute right about that and you should say it

- “And do you know what most humans use it for? I do but I don’t think I can say it” WAS THAT A PORN REFERENCE?! 

- The bear on the phone in St Peterburg got a good laugh out of me not gonna lie 

- Opera cat was super cute!! I also loved the almost Grinch-like smile on Seth Myers 

- “Oh that’s a great photo so life like!! *Brain* Ring Ring *Pinky* Hello!! Brain’s phone *Brain* May I speak with the imbecile who ruined my plan? *Pinky* That’s me!!” As much as I hate Pinky abuse this was genuinely funny!!

- I love Yakko’s wide eyed face as he looks around taking everything in!! He’s so cute!!

- “I bet I can sing a bitingly satirical song about it!! Didn’t we just do that before Pinky And The Brain?” YES THIS IS THE HUMOR THAT I LOVE FOURTH WALL JOKES ARE THE BEST IN THIS SHOW

- Wakko’s hip bump with Raven was so stinking cute!! 

- “If you wanna make some easy cash just recycle and rehash” Disney the last five years anybody? 

- The harmonies are so beautiful on this song!! 

And now I’m done!! I hope that everybody enjoyed the episode as much as I did (And I took a lot of cute Pinky pics if anybody wants to use them as an icon)

[ajokeformur-ray]

I got somethin: write headcannons about Erileck. Your own, personal view. Gotta give my favorite ship some love, and also more ideas when I write you stuff 😈💜

OMFGGGGG omgomgomgomg skskksskk I’ve been stockpiling this for a few days bc I gotta think even though it’s my relationship sksksk but I hope this hits your OTP spots + helps as a future ref.

This is written in 1st person bc it’s Joker + I. I hope that doesn’t bother anyone skkssk this is gonna be so much fun I’m hyped!!! There’s no organisation to this lmao so there are jumps all over the place pfft.

Warnings for mentions of trauma, anxiety, depression, also smoking, swearing. Also NSFW bc duh xp 

Word count: 3, 207 (woops?)

Questions or comments on my relationship with Joker are welcomed!! I’m sure there are things I haven’t even considered skskks and ngl I do love talking about our relationship pfft.

Joker and I… sksksk I’d be lucky.

Someone like him loving someone like me??? Ridiculous. A dream.

Someone like me loving someone like him??? Don’t be silly.

… And that’s precisely why we work so well together.

We choose to love each other each and every single day. Again and again, no matter what, we find the time to come back together at the end of a long, exhausting day.

I was with Arthur from the very beginning of the film.

I bumped into Carnival outside Kenny’s Music, and I stood to the side to watch him spin that everything must go! sign. 

I’m scared of clowns but something about this clown captured and maintained my interest and so it was that once this particular rendition of Temptation Rag was over, I approached Carnival and sincerely thanked and complimented him on his performance. 

Both of us blushing, both of us unsure, but neither of us can resist the almost magnetic pull which the other gives off. So I invited him to coffee and dinner (and I paid for everything, of course) and neither of us ever looked back.

I fell in love with Arthur before I even knew his name, and when I love it’s… intense and I fall hard, and I fall fast, and I can never stand back up.

I’ve been told before that I love “too intensely” and it’s “too much” for people (I was told this by my abusers so I suppose they were lying but… it’s a very open, raw wound which I battle daily), but for Arthur the way I love is just right. He needs that clinginess, that reassurance.

I’m already in tears thinking of everything I feel and everything I want to say lmao…

I turned my entire life upside down for him without a single regret, forethought or anything like that, and I never looked back sksksksk.

I stayed with him as Arthur and I did everything I could for him - bought his prescriptions, bought him food, helped him to keep the apartment clean… there were arguments because he thought I was merely looking at him as a charity case, or he was wary in case I was just after something…

But with time, patience and persistence I managed to get Arthur to be at least comfortable around me.

We fell in love together but neither of us said anything. We’re both too shy, too scared of rejection…

I don’t know how we got together, it’s just that one day I stayed overnight at Arthur’s apartment to help him take care of Penny and to take care of him, so exhausted was he…

… And I never left.

I was with him through it all and I made it known only to him that I was proud of him every time he stood up for himself. They all had it coming, anyway (I have a flexible morality lmao).

I love his jokes; he and Bill Hader are my favourite comedians (shush I know Bill wasn’t around in the 80s but work with me) and I adore it when he shares them with me.

The darker the better, imo. My favourites are the ones you laugh at because there’s no other reaction to give.

But I digress.

So. Present day. 

He’s Joker and oh, if I thought I loved Arthur… 

I have a very deep, very raw and passionate love for Joker. He is… he’s my entire world and I love him so much I’m tearing up while I type this. He’s so beautiful it makes me cry daily.

Every time I cry because of how beautiful he is, I go straight to Joker. He deserves to see how loved he is. Sometimes I get upset because I don’t feel satisfied with the level of love I’m showing him; it’s never enough and he deserves more.

This most often happens at night, because I get very Soft™ at night.

As such, Joker and I have a very special nightly routine. 

We spend all day thinking about it but we don’t do this particular thing until nighttime, when we can put our lives away and just soak in each other’s presence.

I cry very easily. Happy, sad, angry, frustrated, upset, elated, joyful, sorrowful… any mood you can think of, I will cry if the emotion reaches a certain intensity.

It’s not unusual for me to come into the living room late at night when I’m in my pyjamas (an oversized t-shirt and a pair of undies - yes, even in winter lmao just pile on the blankets) with tears in my eyes, for whatever reason.

Every time Joker looks up to see this sight, his eyes roam over my body and he smiles, a soft “awwh” leaving his lips as he straightens his legs so I can sit down on his lap.

I sit on his lap and cup his painted face in my hands and I smother him in kisses. I start off slow and then I speed up as the love within my heart grows, and Joker always ends up holding my wrists in his hand and giggling under my touch. 

It usually ends up with one or both of us crying. Joker’s so shocked and so awed that I’m still with him even now, and I just love him so much I can’t do anything else.

Joker’s lap is the best seat and it’s my favourite.

I study there, I sit there, I sleep there. 

Cockwarming is also a common occurrence.

If he’s sat a certain way so I can’t sit on his lap, I’m not afraid to press down on his uppermost knee so he straightens out so I can get comfortable on him.

“Can I have my seat back, please?” or “You stole my seat” are common ways of asking for him to move for me.

He is also my clown blanket skkksksk our favourite sleeping position is for me to lay on my back and for Joker to lay atop me. He becomes everything I can feel and his head rests either on my chest or on my stomach, depending on what he wants. My hands are in his hair… and we sleep.

So, naturally, there are copious opportunities for Joker to love me awake ;) many a morning do I awaken to the sensation of fingers gripping my hips, holding me down while he worships me with his mouth.

We don’t do NSFW things .v. often, we prefer to cuddle and just be close. 

Both of us are virgins and shy ones at that, lmao, so it took awhile for things to even get to that point.

We discovered we just prefer to cuddle over full out sex; less messy, for one.

Full sex is usually for the times when words aren’t enough; after an argument, or when either of us is especially sad or just needs something.

When I want to do this, I usually say, “how about you werewolf and go wild on me now?” and he howls before breaking out in laughter, which I stifle with a kiss…

If Joker wants to, one look from him and I just know. He doesn’t even have to say anything.

My answer is always yes. There’s nothing I won’t do for him and he knows it; it’s okay, though, because he’s the same way for me. We balance each other out really well.

During the rare times I’m awake before Joker is, I’ll kiss him awake; his face, his neck, chest, those adorable soft curves on his stomach… 

Any and every excuse which I can think of do I use to love him. 

It’s a daily goal to love him so hard that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He deserves nothing less.

I steal his red blazer… often.

If Joker can’t find it, it’s either in the wash or I’m wearing it.

As soon as he takes it off, I’ve got it cradled in my arms, holding it to my face to hide my smile. I wear it when he isn’t, I sleep in it when I miss him (even when he’s right there beside me I still miss him), and I often use it as a pillow.

“Are you sure you don’t love that blazer more than you love me?” // “No.” // Any pout he gives me is kissed away and he giggles against my lips because he got what he was after all along.

We can’t sleep without each other. Joker needs to know that he’s needed, and I need to know that my clown is there for me to keep me safe from the things which my mind tells me are in the dark.

Joker does get annoyed with me sometimes because we both know I’m scared of the dark and I have a vivid imagination, and those two things are difficult to handle on the best of days, but I also love horror films.

Slasher ones are my favourite but I also really enjoy the ones which are dark, gritty, the ones which are based more in the psychological than obvious jumpscares.

I know how Joker can get when I watch them, though, so I tend to watch them when he’s out of the apartment or when there’s nothing else to do.

He never stops me from watching them because I’m a grown ass woman, but he makes his disapproval known by by saying he won’t be comforting me that night when I get too scared to turn the lights off.

In the end, though, there isn’t much he can say because he has unhealthy coping mechanisms just as I do, so he wraps me in his arms and hides my face in his chest or in the crook of his neck. “Close your eyes so you can’t see it’s dark.”

“I love you” is said often between us. 

And never just once: “I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you - “ it can and will be said multiple times.

It makes the other person giggle and get teary eyed. We’re slightly obsessed with each other and we love the way we love each other.

There are other ways we say those three words, spoken too much yet never enough:

“You got what you deserved, Joker” // “I suppose I did.”

I wear my outfit sometimes and go out in it, and on rarer occasions (I have acne so I have to be careful) I even do my face like his.

When I really make to say ‘I love you’, I’ll do both. It never fails to make him cry.

The Way You Look Tonight by Frank Sinatra is our song, as is The Carpenters songs Close to You and Yesterday Once More. 

Every time those songs are on, Joker spins me into him and even though I have two left feet, he dances with me.

The slow, eerie dances he does are my favourite and I love watching him. He knows and he loves it. He always throws me a wink and it never fails to make me blush and emit such a high pitched noise that I feel compelled to pull my shirt collar up and over to cover my face entirely.

Joker always coos and plays peekaboo with me when I do this to coax me out of hiding.

Neither of us want children but we have two pure black rescue kitties whom we love dearly!

That’s Life is another favourite. I love that song and it never fails to make me smile, even when I don’t want to. I play it every day and Joker always dances with me. We prefer the instrumental version; it reminds us of the simpler times when he was still the unseen (not by me, by Gotham in general) Arthur Fleck.

Aaa, Fleck…

I proposed to him. Kinda.

Joker wanted marriage from day one but I was unsure; I despise the institution of modern marriage but one day I caught sight of a ring I liked the look of in a magazine and I took it over to Joker.

I didn’t say anything, I just held the magazine out at that page for him to take, barely able to speak was I through the depths of my emotions.

It took him ten minutes to stop laughing before he dipped a hand into his blazer and withdrew a small box. 

Neither of us said yes and neither of us said no. 

We just put the rings on the other and that was that.

The next day, I went and got it registered with a cackling Arthur in tow. 

I can be emotionally distant at times; if I’m feeling too much, I tend to withdraw into myself rather than upset Joker by burdening him with what I’m feeling. 

He hates it when I do that, though a lot of the time I’m not even aware I’m doing it, and it upsets him and then he withdraws from me.

When Joker starts to pull away from my kisses and stops accepting hugs, that’s usually my holy shit what the fuck, Erika? moment and then I do my best to apologise to him.

I’m always forgiven after it’s made clear that I hurt his feelings, and then we don’t let each other go for the rest of the night.

When I need a reminder of why I love Joker or when I just need to see him for all that he is, I watch his segment on the Murrat show (that’s not a typo - I know what I said.) and I’m sobbing in seconds.

*sigh* “Why do you do this to yourself, Erika?”

“I needed to - you were in so much pain and I - “

He pulls me to him and shushes me. I tuck my face into the warm crook of his neck and lavish him with kisses and I just hold him and hug him as hard as I can and I apologise again and again.

Joker doesn’t understand why I watch it sometimes and tbh neither do I but I do and he always comforts me even though I feel like I should be comforting him.

As I said earlier, I’m scared of the dark and I drink as much coffee as Joker smokes (I can easily reach 18 cups a day. Easy.), so night times are... interesting. 

It can take up to an hour for me to sleep. Not really because of the caffeine (I’m used to it by now and I feel calmer with it than I do without it) but because I just can’t get comfortable or because I’m convinced something just moved in the corner of the room.

Even with my nightlights, I’m still scared.

It annoys Joker when he’s really tired or trying to sleep and it’s not unlike Joker to grumble “lay the fuck still” and wrap his arms around me so I feel obligated to stay still for him.

Joker never holds me so tight that I can’t move, though. I have trauma relating to body autonomy so he makes sure that I know I can move if I want to.

I prefer to sleep either on my back so I can have my clown blanket or on my side so I can face Joker. I keep my phone by my bed so when I miss Joker or need to see him at 3 AM I’ve got pics and GIFs right there, scared am I that I’ll wake up and he’s just a dream and I’m alone again, so I appreciate seeing him when I wake up in the mornings.

Sleepy morning sex

He’s also at perfect liberty to start things when I’m still sleeping, too.

I gave him an all time free pass - that is how much I trust him. It was the biggest display of trust I could think of, and I’ve never gone back on it or regretted it.

I really just want Joker to know, to know, that he’s loved and cherished. I do my best to let him know that he can be his entire self with me, that I want him to, and he does the same for me.

Fair’s fair though so I’m at liberty to start things when he’s sleeping, though I rarely do because he sleeps so little as it is because insomnia, nightmares etc.

We steal each other’s clothes a lot of the time. 

I wear really baggy clothes (my shirts can pass as short dresses) so Joker fits into them easily.

Joker’s very needy and physically affectionate and clingy and even on the days when I don’t want to be touched (again, for trauma reasons), I still allow him to do with me as he pleases.

Not because I feel like I have to, but because I trust him and I know I’m safe with him. When I’m with Joker, I’m the safest woman in the world.

We only use each other’s names - Erika and Joker (Arthur for serious situations) - when attention is needed now or when it’s a deep situation which requires total candour.

Otherwise, for me it’s “my girl” (I melt every time), “my Erika”, “my Queen”, and then generics like darling, sweetheart, love, angel.

For Joker, it’s “my Joker” (he melts), “my King”, “my clown” and then generics like darling, angel, love, honey. 

We do anything for each other and we always do small gestures for each other; Joker makes me a cup of coffee and I slip a cigarette between his thin lips before I light it for him. He changes the batteries in my nightlights without saying anything and I hand scrub the blood out of his clothes while it’s still fresh.

Things like that tell us, even without words, that we want it to work.

When he comes home from whatever he does as Joker (I don’t ask and he doesn’t tell), I check him all over. Any bruises, scraps, cuts... 

The ‘rule’ is this:

As long as he comes back home to me without even a paper cut, then he can do what he wants as Joker, the reputation he didn’t want or ask for.

We do everything together and with each other and of course we get space from each other when it’s wanted or needed; a lot of the time we’re in the same room doing our own things. 

We argue, though I’m not sure what about - but we always make it up to one another. We don’t go to bed angry, either, and we both get upset during fights so tears are shed and wiped away, apologies whispered against trembling lips.

It’s not an easy relationship and there are probably things I haven’t even thought about lmao, but we work hard and the amount of love we have for each other is so strong and so deep it’s bigger than both of us. 

We choose to love each other every single day, no matter what, and that’s why we’re still together

Erileck met: 4/10/2019 // married: 26/3/2020. We skipped the engagement. We’re in love and we know it, so why wait?

[lokiondisneyplus]

As the film and TV industry attempts to restart after a COVID-19 shutdown, some states like Georgia hope to be trailblazers. Home to Tyler Perry's sprawling film studio, Pinewood's Atlanta outpost and other production facilities, the Peach State is establishing itself as a pioneer in the industry's quest to get back to work.

Perry was one of the first Hollywood players to lay out his plans to restart production. The producer — who said he'd fly actors on two of his TV shows, Sistas and The Oval, to Atlanta on his private jet and keep cast and crew quarantined on his 330-acre studio campus throughout the duration of filming in July — detailed on-set safety protocols May 20 in a 30-page document titled "Camp Quarantine." But he's far from the only producer who's been plotting a return to filming in the state.

While studios are wary of naming specific projects and target shoot dates due to the volatile nature of the pandemic (after all, Georgia set a new single-day record on July 1 with 3,000 new COVID cases in 24 hours), sources say that some of the major projects expected to start or restart production in the state in the coming months include Universal's feature adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen, MGM's Sylvester Stallone action pic Samaritan and a pair of Disney+ series: Loki and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. In addition, at least two major Netflix projects plan to return to Georgia: comedy thriller Red Notice, starring Ryan Reynolds, Dwayne Johnson and Gal Gadot, and Stranger Things. Sources say the cast of the latter was told season four production would tentatively start back up again on Sept. 17.

“Georgians want to get back to work and show that we can not only beat this virus but be leaders in this industry to hopefully encourage America to get back to work,” says John Rooker, founder and owner of Atlanta Metro Studios (AMS), where HBO’s Watchmen filmed.

Georgia, which has lured Hollywood productions in recent years with its uncapped film incentives program, says it plans to hire an estimated 40,000 production workers across roughly 75 upcoming productions. Together, those projects are expected to invest $2 billion into the state’s economy over the next 18 months. The industry first got the green light to get production back up and running when Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp officially released the state’s protocols for film and TV production on May 22, two weeks before California released its filming guidelines.

"Thanks to the 'Best Practices' for set safety released by the state, in addition to the guidelines provided by the national guilds and unions, we look forward to helping thousands of crew members and support service personnel get back to work safely," says the state’s film commissioner, Lee Thomas. "It will help Georgia maintain its position as one of the busiest production locales worldwide."

A large part of that return to work will be led by Pinewood Atlanta Studios. President and CEO Frank Patterson has spent the past few months exploring how to make the facilities safer, investing $1 million in new safety protocols. The film studio has brought on BioIQ, a medical testing firm that will monitor the wellness of entrants, and Synexis, a biodefense company that uses tech to try to reduce viruses, bacteria and mold in the air.

"We've put a whole lot of thinking into how we should do this safely, and I think we're going to learn and iterate a lot in the next few months in terms of how these protocols work," says Patterson. Though he isn't at liberty to name any of the projects starting up soon, sources say Pinewood has two feature films and multiple streaming shows (including The Falcon and the Winter Soldier and Loki) beginning preproduction this month, with the aim to start filming as early as August.

Some studios are testing out protocols with smaller productions first. Atlanta Metro Studios, for instance, recently hosted a commercial shoot. "It was a good dress rehearsal for when production comes back full speed," says Rooker, who notes that he has a large show (which he also can't name) returning in July that will be using their entire facility for the remainder of the year.

Over at Atlanta-based Blackhall Studios, which saw HBO's Jordan Peele and J.J. Abrams-produced series Lovecraft Country and Paramount's Chris Pratt thriller The Tomorrow War conveniently wrap production just before the shutdown, chairman and CEO Ryan Millsap has focused on the physical aspects of making the facility safer — that means looking at getting rid of door handles and swapping out all the bathroom fixtures for touchless ones — in an effort to get his facility ready for the rush of projects he's anticipating post-virus.

In fact, there are currently six productions vying for space at his studio, and he has room for about two. "Right now, we have people circling like sharks," says Millsap. "It's just a question of who can finally pull the trigger in a world where everybody wants to be working but nobody knows exactly how to work — and it's going to come down to whoever is ready to go tomorrow."

In an effort to remain competitive, others in the state are building out new production facilities that are pandemic-proof. Patrick Millsaps, a lawyer and political consultant turned film producer, is constructing a brand-new 1,500-acre studio complex in Albany, Georgia, named Kane Studios that will not only offer 650,000 square feet of purpose-built soundstages, 300,000 square feet of production offices and 1,000 acres of backlot — it will also be able to sequester an entire production the way that Perry’s studio can.

"We hopefully won't open until post-vaccine of this pandemic, but Bill Gates keeps calling this Pandemic One, so we're making sure the things that we've learned during this pandemic are a permanent part of what we're building," says Millsaps, adding that the studio is slated for a 2022 debut. “In this business, where people are always crammed in on top of each other, we just thought, why not make this the safest and healthiest studio on the planet?”

Surely, now more than ever, Georgia’s wide-open spaces are appealing to cast and crew coming from densely packed cities like New York and Los Angeles. And in another recent win for the state's film supporters, concerns about its controversial abortion legislation were attenuated this week when the Supreme Court struck down a similar law in Louisiana. Though a Georgia Senate discussion about the uncapped film incentive program may have briefly worried some, ultimately the Senate Finance Committee's approval of a bill that requires audits for all film and TV projects that claim the credit seemed to quell any concerns about potentially more significant changes to the program.

"There’s a really beautiful element to what's happening in Georgia and the support that we're getting at the political level to return to production," says Millsap, noting he gets regular calls from the governor's office and state senators asking him when he's getting production going again. “They know that entertainment is one of the few sectors that's going to come up out of COVID like a rocket ship, and everything I hear from all of my relationships with politicians in Georgia is that they are ready to rock and roll this thing.”

[thefinalexperiment]

Black Satin (9/10)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: suggestive content, fairly unhealthy relationship lol they’re both kind of sociopathic, villain reader, implied cheating, consented cheating kind of? it’ll make sense if you choose to read it

Previous parts can be found in my masterlist thanks to dumblr and the link censoring.

        Billy walked into the room where they were keeping her. He was pissed Homeland had killed Lieberman, but he was eager to see her again. As soon as she spotted him, she stood from the little chair and threw her arms around him, kissing him deeply. He chuckled and held her close.

        “Oh Billy,” she sighed, “I missed you.”

        A smirk played at the corner of his mouth.

        “I missed you too, sweetheart.”

        Pouting just a bit, she showed him her arm. “Billy, your boys bruised me… I know it was technically a kidnapping, but honestly.”

        Billy paused, looking over her arm. He shot a glare at the men by the door. They would get it later.

        “Never you mind about them, honey. I got a job for you…”

---

        Frank waited. That was all he could do now: wait for Billy and Rawlins to fall into the trap. He was bloody and bruised, but he knew he could hold out just a bit longer.

        Just then, Billy burst in, dragging (Y/N) along with him. This wasn’t part of the plan…

        “Alright, Frankie,” Billy said, “Here’s what’s gonna happen: You unlock that computer for us, or sweet little (Y/N) gets it. Understand?”

        Frank clenched his jaw, looking into the terrified eyes of Billy’s ex.

        “You okay, sweetheart?” he asked her. Something in her expression went funny when he called her that.

        “Y-Yeah…” she whispered, nodding, “I’m ok-kay…”

        Frank turned his attention back to his former friend.

        “This is low, even for you, Bill,” he growled. “Threatening the woman you claimed to love…”

        At his words, (Y/N) froze, and Billy looked… almost… awkward.

        “You never said it to her, did you?” Frank asked. When he had chatted with Billy (when he still believed them to be brothers), Frank had asked if he had anyone special. Billy had confessed he planned to marry (Y/N)…

        Billy put his scowl back up.

        “Enough. Are you going to cooperate or not?”

        Frank sighed.

        “Let her go, and I’ll do what you want.”

        “I’ll let her go when you unlock that thing.”

        Frank scowled.

        “Fine.”

        A little bit ahead of schedule, perhaps, but it would have to do.

---

        It had all happened so fast. Frank stabbed Rawlins. Rawlins beat Frank. Frank killed Rawlins. Now he was laughing at Billy. I didn’t understand what was going on.

        Suddenly, Homeland Security was busting down the doors, and Billy took a bullet in the arm.

        “Billy!” I cried.

        “We gotta go,” he said, grabbing my arm. He lead me out, and we ducked safely into an inconspicuous car.

        “Let me look at your arm,” I said, once we were far enough away.

        “Later,” he said shortly. We don’t have much time.”

        I had a feeling I knew what was riling him up.

        “You’re worried because they caught me on camera? Billy, I didn’t do anything that could implicate me.”

        Billy sighed a bit, but he didn’t relax. “Madani will find a way. She may not be bright, but Frank is bound to figure it out. He saw us leave together.”

        I shook my head. “Billy, he’s half dead…”

        He growled in response, sending a shiver down my spine.

        “He’s walked off worse.”

        We pulled into the parking garage at ANVIL and snuck up to Billy’s office. I made him sit on the desk and roll up his sleeve so I could take a look.

        “Tell me what you need me to do, Mister Russo,” I murmured lowly.

        Billy told me what to do, talking me through each step. With his free hand, he poured himself a glass of alcohol to help manage the pain. His eyes followed my every move, and I could feel his desire rising.

        “Like what you see?” I murmured to him.

        He smirked.

        “I kept you clean to keep you safe… I’m just wondering how it might’ve been if we’d’ve been in it together.”

        I slowly trailed my hand up his chest to cup his jaw.

        “You’d never have gotten anything done, Russo… You would have been too distracted.”

        “You’re right,” he murmured, before drawing me into a searing kiss. Just then, a security alarm pinged somewhere, and Billy cursed, pulling away.

        “We gotta go.”

        And once again, we were off. Billy tossed all of his things into a duffel bag and we headed out. Agents popped up to stop us, but Billy took them down with quick, precise shots, making me feel like my skin was on fire. There was something about him being so protective that made me want to jump him then and there… But I showed restraint.

        As we walked away, Billy flipped a switch, setting the ANVIL headquarters up in a grand explosion. I thought it was rather beautiful.

        Billy seemed worried, cagey… but I had a plan. It was just a matter of whether or not he would agree.

---

A/N: Probably just one more part after this! Be sure to leave your theories and thoughts in the comments! Feedback is always appreciated.

Series Tags: @gollyderek​ @the-scarletsandwich​ @kaetastic​ @sweetgoodangel​

Billy Russo Tags: @harrysthiccthighss​ @jigsawlover10​

Everything Tags: @coconutknees​ @hollymac79​ @jordan-ia​ @ace-marvel-chick​

[autistic-paul]

Dumbass (With Love)

Summary:

Emma and Paul have different styles of communication, and Emma has a hard time being vulnerable. Also, she calls Paul a dumbass a lot. It works out.

Tags: Paulkins, Autistic Paul, Fluff, So much fluff.

AO3, or under the cut!

Emma wasn’t the most in touch with her feelings. Generally speaking, feelings belonged buried in her chest where no one could touch them, not even herself. Paul… Paul was not like Emma. Paul was open, he talked about how he felt, and he talked about how he felt about her. Watching him change as their relationship developed had been like seeing a flower bloom. He started spending more time with Bill, he smiled more, he seemed to find a purpose in life. Maybe it was something internal, him choosing to take what scraps of joy he could get, maybe it was as simple as Emma helping him realize that people could, and did, care about him. Emma decided it didn’t particularly matter. He was happy, and Emma enjoyed being around him, and she enjoyed the way he lit up when he saw her. She looked forward to him visiting her on this coffee break. She’s count down the minutes until it’d be time, when she’d turn around and see him standing there, waiting for the order that he no longer had to ask for. It’d be ready. As hard as it was to admit, Emma was happy too.

Their relationship had been pretty steady sailing from day one. Or at least, steady for them, given their clumsy start. They’d known each other for ages before anything had truly happened between them. Paul had come in for his shitty coffee every day, and every time, they’d strike up a conversation. It got out of hand far too quickly, Paul would have to run back to the office because they’d lose track of time. Zoey, that snitch, told Nora about Emma leaving the customers waiting so she could talk to the dude in the suit, because god forbid Emma get a few minutes to herself on the clock. The next day, Emma forced herself to tell Paul that she had to get to work. Their conversation about CRISPR would have to wait for another day. Paul’s face had fallen, the guy really didn’t have a poker face, and Emma considered telling Nora to fuck off. Before she could make a terrible decision, Paul spoke, the words running together like he hadn’t sorted them out in his mind. Only Paul Matthews would ask her if she wanted to get a coffee sometime while in a coffee shop. The second the words left his lips he closed his eyes, looking as if he was desperately begging for the ground to swallow him whole.

Emma was still surprised that she managed to keep a straight face. She simply slid Paul his cup of coffee, distantly realizing that once again, they’d talked long enough that it was no longer hot. If she’d had any doubts about her response, that cleared them away. Sliding him that coffee was as clear of a yes as she could manage, and it was a message. What made these daily conversations distinctly separate from dates? Other than the fact that she was at work, but damn, Emma didn’t give a shit about any of the other customers. She certainly didn’t chat with them, she was here to give them their cups of liquid sugar and get them out. Paul didn’t seem to get the hint, though. He seemed to think that her offer was a gentle rejection rather than a subtle yes. He was still busy purposefully not looking at her, his gaze on the floor, which made grabbing his coffee rather difficult. Needless to say, as he reached out to grab it, he misjudged how far away the cup was.

Emma had anticipated it, and before she knew it, her hands were over his, keeping the cup from spilling. Her damn heart had been pounding, and she cursed it. This wasn’t supposed to happen, it was such bullshit. She’d come to terms with the fact that she liked Paul a while back, but this? This was a betrayal. She was a grown woman, she could handle being asked out and a little physical contact without turning into a giggling schoolgirl. A thundering heart and rapidly warming cheeks were unacceptable.

Emma had reacted in the best way she could manage and drew her hands back, dropping them to her sides. Paul held his cup close, like it was something precious, and Emma nodded, though she suggested maybe a break from her workplace would be better. Paul pursed his lips and nodded, easily backtracking from his first suggestion. They’d settled on a movie, and that was that. It’d always been so simple for them from that point on. Conversation continued to flow freely, and the tension that Emma expected from a new relationship never showed itself.

They learned new things about each other every day, new ways that their methods of communicating could overlap or clash. Emma had to get used to his easy affection quickly, his tendency to press against her, his loving gaze, the way it seemed to be nothing to him to drop the casual ‘I love you’s. Of course, she wasn’t silent on the matter. She could say it back. It felt like closing her fist around her heart, pulling it free of her body and handing it to him. It felt like vulnerability . But she could say it. Showing her love with actions came much more naturally. Little favors, remembering things that he had a tendency to forget, asking him about his interests and listening to him tell her every little detail until she thought her ears would fall off, but enjoying every minute of it.

Paul was full of compliments, casually noting things that he loved about her. He wasn’t much for pet names, thank goodness, because Emma would have to draw a line if he started calling her sweetheart. He called her by her name, mostly. Or Em.

Emma called him by his name too, primarily. Or asshole. Dumbass. Motherfucker. Cocksucker. Babe, if she was feeling extraordinarily mushy. She didn’t think much of it, it was how she spoke to most people, and she was sure he knew that when she referred to him in those ways, it was with the love that she couldn’t express with any other words. Paul never seemed to react negatively. He responded to anything she called him. He knew her.

Still, it was a fairly new relationship, and Emma was struggling. She was sure she’d always struggle with her emotions, and especially, struggle with expressing them. Keeping up with Paul was a challenge, but she did her best. He deserved her very best.

Emma was worried about Paul. He loved Christmas, and she knew he’d rather be at home by the fireplace with a mug of hot chocolate. Instead, they had to go to his annual office Christmas party. Emma was already exhausted from the socializing, all the endless pointless chats. Emma simply couldn’t express just how little she cared about Ted’s holiday plans, or the trip to Barbados that Paul’s boss was planning. The bright lights were hurting her eyes, and Paul looked like he wanted to personally smash the speakers with a baseball bat. Was All I Want For Christmas is You playing for the second time, or was it just the songs blurring together? Paul was fidgeting with the ends of his red sweater endlessly, on the verge of fraying it past the point of return. Through her own stress, she could catch him fading out of the conversations, unable to focus. Once he started swallowing repeatedly, lifting his drink to his lips frequently in an attempt to hide it, Emma put her foot down. Fuck social obligation, this was miserable. She elbowed him in the side. He turned to face her, raising an eyebrow. “We should head home, it’s getting late.”

Paul took the cue and nodded. He turned back to Ted, who was rambling on about something or other, Emma hadn’t bothered to pay attention. She caught the word redhead and decided she’d rather stick to her own thoughts. Paul cut him off. “We’re going to head out now, I’ll see you soon, Ted.”

Ted smirked and winked. “Alright, you two have a nice night.” Neither of them dignified his implication with a response. Paul turned, heading towards the door.

“Hey, dumbass,” Emma said. Paul turned. “Coats? You planning on braving the walk to the car in just a sweater?”

Paul smiled sheepishly and made his way to the other room where their coats had been discarded. Emma was only waiting for a moment before a voice behind her drew her attention.

“That wasn’t very nice of you.” Emma turned. A woman with a festive red and green bow in hair was standing there, a glass of wine in her hand.

“I’m sorry?” Emma responded, still not entirely sure that the woman was talking to her. The woman… Charlotte! That was it. Paul had talked about her before. Charlotte looked like she regretted opening her mouth the moment Emma made eye contact, but she stiffened, steeling herself.

“I’ve known Paul for a long while, he’s a good friend of mine.” Guilt flooded Emma, she should have remembered Charlotte. “I don’t like the way you talk to him.”

Emma grew defensive. Sure, maybe Charlotte was a close friend of Paul’s, but who was she to tell Emma how their relationship should be? She hadn’t thought about her word choice until Charlotte brought it up, it had come naturally. Paul was used to it, it was fine. Wasn’t it? Emma was about to respond, but a hand squeezed her shoulder, then dropped down her side to close around her hand.

“You ready?” Paul said softly. He clearly hadn’t heard what Charlotte had said.

Emma was tired. It had been a long night, and she didn’t feel up to justifying her relationship to a woman she barely knew. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s go.”

The car ride home was silent, both of them recovering from the night. Emma watched the snow fall in the streetlights, the beauty contrasting the turmoil of her thoughts. Maybe Charlotte was right. She knew kindness wasn’t her strong suit, but she tried , at least with Paul. The words she used didn’t matter, the intent underneath them was clear. What if they weren’t, though? Social cues weren’t Paul’s strong suit, and he was always so forthcoming and frank with his words, and…

Emma wanted to groan. Great. She’d fucked everything up. Again. She knew she needed to apologize, have a genuine talk about it, but the thought alone made her feel sick. She combed through her words carefully the whole drive, and when they got inside, she closed the door a little harder than she should.

Paul got started with his evening routine, preparing for bed, and Emma wandered aimlessly, trying to put off the inevitable. She eventually made her way to his side in bed, and he subconsciously shifted to be closer to her as he read. Emma sat there and fidgeted, trying to get the nerve to start a conversation that she didn’t want to have. It would be rude to do it now, she thought. Not after he needed to wind down from the torture of the Christmas party. Or maybe it would be wrong to do so while he was reading, she knew he was enjoying that book. Excuses, excuses.

She took a deep breath. “Hey, I need to talk to you.” Paul looked up at her. “You know I don’t mean it, right?” She paused. Paul’s gaze darted away for a moment. She could see his brain processing, trying to figure out what the fuck she was talking about. “The names. Earlier this evening.” Great, right out of the gate and she’s already lost the ability to communicate in full sentences. Paul furrowed his brow. “I called you a dumbass.” Emma mumbled.

Paul was thoroughly concerned. He nodded slowly. “You do that fairly often, Em.”

Emma dropped her face into her hands in frustration. He was going to make her spell it out, then? “Yeah, and I’m sorry, alright? It’s not… Nice.” Her voice was muffled by her palms. She waited for a response, but she didn’t get one. Instead, a hand wrapped around her wrist, pulling it away from her face. He twined his fingers with hers. Emma still couldn’t look at him.

“The first time I ever saw you, I was just trying out the new coffee shop down the road. As I was leaving, you called a customer an asshole for complaining about not getting whipped cream.”

Emma huffed. “He probably was an asshole.” Paul squeezed her hand.

“What I’m saying is that I know you, and I know the difference between a genuine insult from you and a pet name.”

At that, Emma whipped her head up. He was grinning at her, the motherfucker. “It’s not-”

“Yes, it is.”

“Oh, fuck. It is, isn’t it?” Emma grimaced, but relief was seeping through her bones.

Paul laughed, finally releasing her hand. He closed his book and placed it on the nightstand, switching his lamp off. He buried himself in his blankets and lay his head on the pillow, looking up at her and smiling softly.

The stress of the night followed by an equally stressful drive home finally caught up with Emma, and she suddenly wanted nothing more than unconsciousness. As she flicked the switch and plunged the room into darkness, she decided one more moment of painful vulnerability couldn’t hurt.

“Night. Love you.” She said, trying to force the meaning into the simple words.

“Good night, dumbass” Paul replied.

She laughed so hard that her sides hurt, and as she lay down, Paul pulled her close.

Emma wheezed a last giggle and let sleep take her, letting the anxiety of the day leave her, comfortable in Paul’s arms.