#the zero suit is pretty ridiculous though

[razzek]

Absolutely nobody: ...

Me: (literally 30 years late to the fandom) Guys have you heard about these Metroid games?!

[burrcapts]

Puffing Past Your Prime

Oh man, Zach just loved whenever this happened! Ever since their social media app took off and reached top 5 most downloaded in the whole country people started inviting him to spots like this all the time. Was this one some posh restaurant? Cafe? Gentleman's club? Honestly, he had no idea, he simply received an email the other day from one of their investors that the people here asked about him and would like him to become a regular member. 

Naturally Zach had zero real interest in bougie crap like that, but usually he actually found it kind of funny to see the reactions of all those stuck up old men in suits whenever they saw him strutting into their elite clubs wearing nothing other than a t-shirt and a pair of old jeans with holes in them. More than once some of those pricks even tried to have him kicked out. But the staff at establishments like this seemed to be quite good at keeping tabs on the guests’ net worth so often they ended up sucking up to him rather than the old farts.

The waiters here were giving off a somewhat different vibe though… If Zach hadn't noticed that those few men who were always on the move, carrying trays around were wearing bow ties rather than neckties, he definitely wouldn't have been able to tell them apart from the regular guests! Places like this often looked kind of samey with everyone being old and wearing boring suits, but this was like a whole next level!

Zach had only just realized, but holy crap, there hasn't been a single person in the entire room who didn't have a ridiculously huge beard! He hadn't shaved since last week so technically maybe he was included in this, but his definitely wasn't as grey or white as theirs! The shades of their beards, the levels of baldness and the colors of their suits was pretty much the only thing that differentiated each one of them!

But one other interesting thing was that they were all smoking pipes! Even the waiters were having a puff while moving around and chatting with the guests. Did Mike forget to mention that this was some super exclusive spot for pipe smokers? Whatever… honestly, the thing that Zach found the most annoying was how nobody seemed to be paying much attention to him here. He purposely tried to be as loud and obnoxious as possible, unmuting his phone and playing that dumb farming video game that was right ahead of them in most app stores. Yet even then, the best reaction he got was some of them briefly looking at him with amused faces for a moment before returning to their previous activities and conversations.

“Good day, I sincerely apologize for the delay in attending to you Mr Bennett. My name is Theodore and I am the director of hospitality at our establishment. We are so delighted that you could pay us a visit today. I assure you that our staff will do everything in our power to make your induction to the club a truly exceptional experience!”

Just when Zach was starting to consider bailing out of here those two guys appeared right in front of him seemingly out of nowhere! The one speaking in an eloquent and surprisingly resonant voice was ridiculously huge, tall as hell, with a colossal belly like pretty much all of them. While somewhat shorter yet definitely still quite decently overweight one, standing a few steps behind him must have been a subordinate of his. 

Zach began to explain that this was a misunderstanding because he had no interest whatsoever  in joining their club or anything, but despite the very hospitable and eloquent welcome neither of them seemed to be paying much attention to whatever he said as they talked between each other.

“Shall I fetch one of the pipes, Sir?”

“Oh, naturally Sebastian, forthwith!”

“What kind, Sir?”

“Mmm… I surmise that one of the sluttier variety might be the most suitable for Mr Bennett, then he will naturally feel inclined to introduce numerous new, virile members to our association so they could fuck his slutty hole on the regular. Oh… one moment… yes, while I would certainly prefer him on the heavyset side so that ass of his grows truly colossal, why don't we also make him into a bit of a cum guzzling cock whore while we’re at it? Let's ensure that he always has either the stem of a pipe or a huge, turgid fuckstick between his lips! Do you think you can find a suitable one Sebastian?”

“Certainly Sir, I will return with one promptly!”

Hearing this guy say all those perverted, ridiculous things in the exact, same cultivated and graceful Männer as if he was some kind of a sommelier talking about an expensive bottle of wine would have been quite hilarious if his body language didn't make it immediately obvious that he wasn't planning on letting Zach leave until the other waiter was back. It was only now that all those old farts who were sitting all around were finally turning their heads towards him, watching the scene with utmost fascination.

Zach shouted at them to get the security because this guy was totally crazy but nobody budged at all. Rather than being concerned they seemed to find him freaking out so much more endearing than anything. When it became clear that they were all in on it too, Zach pulled out his phone and warned that huge guy that if he didn't let him go, he would call the cops.

Only then, something that temporarily broke Zach's brain proceeded to take place. Theodore took a deep puff from his pipe and then exhaled a tiny cloud of smoke towards Zach's hand that was holding the phone. It was just small enough to completely obscure it and even though Zach knew it was merely just smoke he instinctively tried to clutch the phone tighter within his fingers, only to find them clenching into fist! What the hell?! He waved the smoke away but his hand was completely empty!!!

“What the fuck?! How did you do that?!”

“Please Mr Bennett, turning a cellphone into a puff of smoke is merely a small parlor trick. Very soon you will have a chance to witness a far more impressive metamorphosis… Oh, would you look at that, Sebastian is already approaching with your pipe right on time!”

At that moment Zach remembered thinking it was kind of strange how this guy phrased it as ‘his pipe’ but as he caught a glimpse of what the other waiter was carrying on a tray, he understood straight away. It stood there, right on top of a highly adorned, golden stand, his pipe! It was like love at first sight. He never even thought about smoking one before but now they were going to be, no, they already were, completely inseparable! Its stem was placed between his teeth first thing in the morning and only left its rightful spot when he was ready to fall asleep!

A jovial, cheerful laughter spread across the room at the immediate change in Zach's demeanor as though all those men were now recalling some very fond memory of their own. On some level he understood that what was going on right now was totally crazy, but as if under some kind of a magical spell, he couldn't help himself when Theodore offered the pipe to him. 

Even thanking the man when he offered him a lit match so he could puff the pipe to life. Which Zach proceeded to do without a slightest hitch like a seasoned smoker. That also surprised him, but there wasn't much of a chance to ask himself why he knew how to do it so expertly because as soon as it was lit, he found himself greedily sucking on the stem and moaning in blissful pleasure. 

Oh gosh, he knew that this was his first time ever, but he felt like a drug addict getting his fix. It was just delightful, such a rich flavor! Sebastian always picked out only the finest tobacco! Zach moaned again, he was in heaven, his head was swimming as he started feeling warm and so… profoundly turned on! If he hadn't been in public, he would have already been reaching for his cock, but then again, so many of the men sitting around them already had theirs out and were merrily stroking while laying back in their big, leather armchairs and puffing along.

Sebastian was pitching a huge tent in his slacks and even Theodore was fondling himself with a satisfied smile. Zach noticed that, the first thought that popped into his head was how much he hoped they would pull them out soon so he could suck them both dry the moment he was finished with this bowl. Mmm, he just loved sucking off the other sexy gents at the club, he was such a cum guzzling cock whore and absolutely proud of it! 

Zach was just about to ask them to stop teasing him and whip them out next when he suddenly realized that he'd heard those words before. ‘Cum guzzling cock whore', that's what Theodore had said when he was instructing Sebastian what pipe he should fetch! Holy shit!

Now that the shivers started running down his spine at the terrifying, unbelievable implications of all of this and the abrupt shock partially outweighed the still persisting horniness flooding his head. Zach had the chance to take notice of just how uncomfortably tight his clothes were feeling right now. He'd managed to peel his eyes away from the bearded waiters’ sizable bulges, only to immediately regret it as he discovered a massive  gut sticking out from underneath his shirt.

Not only was it extremely hirsute, but all of the body fur was completely white! It made him look like some ridiculously fat grandpa! His shirt was rolling up so much that it could be mistaken for the top half of a bikini, which seemed awfully suitable because Zach could see it stretching over a pair of absolutely enormous man boobs!

As his eyes grew wide in disbelief, he instinctively took a deep puff from the pipe to calm his nerves, only to find the belly instantaneously swelling even further in size. The shirt splitting at the front and letting his huge, chubby tits to flop down on it like on top of a wide, spacious shelf. God… he was so fucking hot! Those were the first words that appeared in Zach's head, and for the life of him, he couldn't bring himself to deny them.

Somehow in mere moments since putting this pipe in his mouth, an old, fat, bearded man became his absolute ideal of beauty. Zach saw how wonderfully chubby his fingers were now and after admiring the soft, white hairs growing on each knuckle, brought them closer to his mouth. Much to his delight he discovered it surrounded by copious amounts of silky, delicate facial fur. He took a deep inhale and then began gently blowing the smoke into his palm, as if trying to catch it and massage it into his beard. Loving the feeling of it growing longer and more luxuriant between his fingers. Oh god… what was happening to him?! Why couldn't he stop?!

“What the fuck have you done to me?!”

Zach cried out before inevitably returning to exploring his growing and expanding body practically right away. One hand caressing his belly while the other reached for his swollen cock, completely overcome by pleasure.

“Nothing that any of us hadn't experienced when we were first initiated into the club, Mr Bennett. It is quite an honor, while our plans are to ideally connect all men worldwide to their destined pipes one day, understandably we first needed to prioritize those with the means to help us achieve that goal…”

He instantly understood why those bastards had invited him here. It was about his social media site! They wanted to use it to spread this shit… and make more sexy, pipe smoking gents… Zach felt a sinking feeling in his stomach when he realized that he was already thinking of all the different features they could implement in the future to spark an interest in their pipes in every single man who had ever registered. And he knew that once they had their first puff, it would then remain as their habit forever.

No… he couldn’t… and yet he was tugging on his cock even faster now, taking deeper and deeper puffs of smoke, finding it so marvelous how those big, hazy plumes were slowly escaping from between his lips whenever he parted them. He was sure that his users were going to find it just as enchanting too once he tweaks the algorithm a little and makes sure that their feeds are filled with nothing but videos and pictures of sexy, bearded gents having a puff as they play with their meat.

The temptation to join them soon becoming truly irresistible, but for that they will of course need a pipe of their own. Zachary moaned in profound arousal, knowing full well that even if a few were to, by some miracle manage to keep themselves from outright ordering one free of charge from their special internet store, they still had collected enough metadata on all of them to ensure that one would be waiting at their doorstep the following day anyway.

Mmm… Zachary couldn’t take this… he began picturing all those mesmerizing, big bellied, bearded gentlemen with their pipes! First filling the feeds of his website, then the streets of the cities all around the globe… introducing everyone they knew into this lovely habit… the biggest cloud of smoke yet had erupted from his mouth as he moaned deeply, his stubby cock twitching and spraying his massive, hairy thighs with creamy, white seed. And he simply could not wait to suck them all off one by one!

***

Zachary was quite amused to find himself back right in his personal office. Of course nobody from among his colleagues had recognized him, but when he suddenly stepped out of the elevator wearing this expensive looking, extravagant suit and holding a heavy suitcase, they must have assumed he was an important investor and asked him to wait for someone right here since, as he very well knew, that one room was still by far the most presentable part of the entire workplace that hadn’t changed much from the days when they were only a small start up.

Naturally nobody could get ahold of ‘Zach’ as his cell phone had vanished and all calls were going straight to voicemail, so the honor of entertaining him fell on Aaron, their CTO. Zachary was actually quite impressed by just how quickly his friend had managed to catch on to everything after he began recounting the events of the previous day. But fortunately Zachary had a chance to personally assist Sebastian and Theodore with picking out just the perfect pipe for him. Even though Aaron knew just what was coming, he couldn't possibly resist his invitation to have a small puff together. Or for that matter to later allow Zachary to wrap his lips around his engorged, stubby cock as they pondered about this exciting new direction for their company, and even more importantly, the best way to introduce their colleagues to all those pipes waiting for them in his suitcase.

If you liked the story and would like to read more bear themed transformation fiction, consider subscribing to my Patreon! I post captions like this and longer stories there regularly!

I have also set up two extra accounts on twitter and bluesky for caption purposes! https://x.com/burrcapts https://burrcapts.bsky.social/

[icallhimjoey]

In 120 Hours

♥ ♥  Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: You work as a temp and are offered a very exclusive interview for a very exclusive job. You see, someone needs a personal assistant for a very eventful week, and you happen to be the perfect fit.

CW / disclaimer: 18+, language, rpf, fem!reader

Author’s note: I have girlies helping me out, telling me what LFF is like, telling me what parts of being a PA are realistic - it's amazing! Thank you so much for reaching out, it helps a lot! Here's part two!

Wordcount: 2.5K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

“Um, oh my God?”

Your eyes were pulled up towards the high ceilings in Joe’s hallway, peering up the stairs that curled ‘round at the top. Down the hall you could see into the kitchen, and you assumed that the door on the side lead into the living room.

Joe placed your suitcase down at the bottom of the stairs and scratched the back of his neck.

“Yea, I know,” he looked almost guilty for how nice this house was.

“Is this all Stranger Things money?”

Joe bit both his lips into his mouth, made big eyes and didn’t answer. Though, he did, because those eyes spoke volumes. This was all Stranger Things money.

“Holy fuck,”

“Wait ‘til you see upstairs,”

Joe was right. The upstairs was insane, because that’s where the newly redone bathrooms were. They had deep tubs, and shower heads the size of pizzas that stuck out from the ceiling. Joe showed you around, and although you marveled at every room, Joe had been right about the mess and lack of furniture too. Most rooms were empty, just had boxes in, and it kind of looked like no one really lived there at all.

Except for the guest room. Your room.

“I’ve got to stop saying oh my God, but, oh my God?”

It kind of felt like you walked into a very fancy hotel suite. Tall headboard, wide dresser, lush curtains and big doors to an inbuilt wardrobe that Joe walked towards to open.

“Look,”

They’d redone it to have a desk inside. A little office nook, so you could hide all of the work mess by closing the doors before you’d go to bed. The room was large enough to have its own little seating area too, without it looking silly or overcrowded.

On the dresser they’d left you what could only be described as a care-package, except it spanned the whole surface area of it. Packets of crisps laid next to bottles of water, and perfume samples laid next to make-up wipes, and skin care laid next to spare phone chargers.

“If there’s anything else you need, just let me know,” Joe said, and you scoffed at him.

“I think you’ll find it’s the other way around for the next five days,”

“Oh, yea, you’re right,” Joe laughed at himself. He’d never really had someone new as a personal assistant before. Not like this, anyway.

You took another look around, walked around to see the ensuite and sighed.

“Could I not move in permanently? Shit, this is gorgeous,”

Also, Joe was gorgeous. But, you know, you were a professional. Kept the compliments for the inanimate objects rather than, you know, his ass.

“I know,” Joe laughed. “Come see my bedroom, it’s ridiculous compared to this,”

Up another flight of stairs, you stepped into a comically large space that made one of the larger pieces of furniture – his bed – look absolutely tiny.

“What the fuck,”

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Joe scrunched his face, and you would've laughed at it, but the room really eyed kind of... sad.

The space itself? Beautiful.

Pretty much the size of your full flat. But this reached Airbnb levels of bad. Zero personality. No curtains on the windows. One bedside table, on the left. Two big, opened suitcases on the floor with clothes spilling out. Not even proper bedding on the bed. A small skinny table was placed in the middle of the room, and on it stood a flatscreen TV. And Joe had zero cable management. Extension cords, phone charger, laptop charger, the TV cables – it was a jumbled-up mess on the floor and made the place look untidy. 

“I'm sorry but, yes. This is terrible. You can't bring girls up here, not with it looking like this,” you gestured a wild arm around, knowing very well that the comment was edgy. But you were in his bedroom. In his house. Just the two of you. The entire situation was a bit edgy overall to begin with.

“Oh shit, quick, close your eyes,” and like you'd been friends for years, Joe moved both his hands over your face, not touching, but definitely close enough for your eyelashes to tickle his palms if you were to blink and you were reminded that, oh, yea, you were in fact a girl.

It was a short little joke, his hands backed away just as quickly as they'd been shoved into your face, and when your laughter died out, you wondered how long Joe had been living like this.

“When did you move in?” 

Because this looked like Joe was 17 and had just moved out of his parents’ house, priorities being the TV he could now watch from the bed and um, nothing else, really.

“A month ago,”

“You’ve been living like this for a month?” the words were out of you before you realised how offensive they sounded, but they just made Joe laugh.

“Technically, yes. But I’ve only spent the night here maybe... four times?” 

Joe’d been off to The States for a few weeks. Very cool, made him instantly sound more impressive than he already was. He pointed at the suitcases for proof, which honestly didn’t mean anything to you – you’d gone on holiday and left suitcases out for weeks upon returning. But, all right, you’d believe him on his word. 

On your way back down, you asked if Joe needed help furnishing the place, and he said, yes, he absolutely did, but not to worry about it. 

“Are you sure? The things I could do with this place,” your minds-eye was already decorating the spaces that weren’t yours, but God, would this place not look fantastic in soft neutrals with strong black accents all throughout? Warm, but high contrast? Contemporary with some vintage thrown in for the vibes? 

“Be my guest, but please don’t feel obligated, we’ve got a lot going already,” 

And Joe was right, because you checked the time, and realised you had 20 minutes until you’d have to leave for a studio in East London somewhere for a photoshoot for a magazine and Joe had to bring an outfit – or wear one, which was easier – that he could wear after, because it was straight from there to a film screening and even if he wasn’t going to get his picture taken, he was probably going to get his picture taken. 

In Joe’s living room there was one large armchair. And there were two paintings on the floor that leant against the walls they had to be put up on. But that was it. Yes, boxes, they were there too, but there were boxes everywhere. 

His dining room, however, wasn’t a dining room at all, because there was no table to sit at. Instead, there were two clothing racks, the wheelie kind, that had Joe’s good stuff on, and Joe said, “Please, help, I like all of it, but if no one tells me what to wear, I tend to pick the exact things that don’t go together.” 

Men. 

“Can I ask what you would pick? Just to get a gist?” you asked Joe, and he looked, pulled a few things out and you said, “Actually, that’s nice,” but you thought that, actually, Joe would look fucking stunning in just about anything. Or nothing. You'd have him either way. But then Joe pointed at a pair of shoes, and you went, “Maybe not,” and suggested perhaps he could go with the less flashy black boots. He didn’t fight you on it, picked them up and handed them to you.

You thought you'd selected a pair of shoes that weren’t designer, but learned quickly that actually, all of the clothes down here were very much designer. Even the items that absolutely didn't look it. You were staring at an absolute fortune on black velvet hangers and felt stupidly underdressed in your outfit that was one hundred per cent black H&M items that were no longer black, but instead had been washed into a sad state of charcoal grey.

“I promise I have normal stuff too,” it was as if he read your mind.

“Balled up in the suitcases upstairs?” you joked, and Joe was about to reply, but the doorbell interrupted you. You both looked at where the sound came from, and because you were in Joe’s house, you expected him to make his way over to answer the door. But he didn’t, and you realised then that, oh yes, you were an assistant now, and you could open the door to his house like you’d lived there for years. 

Better get used to this fast, bestie, you thought to yourself as you made your way to the door and greeted a delivery driver with two smallish boxes at his feet.

Behind him, you noticed that the car you’d gotten out of a little while ago was still there, driver still in the drivers’ seat, waiting. What a life; huge house, designer clothes, drivers waiting, a personal assistant... a very good personal assistant, mind you. One that admittedly, yes, wanted to stare into Joe's eyes for hours on end if she could, but also was going to furnish his whole house in a few days.

How? No clue. But you didn't have problems - you carried solutions. You were convinced that if you kept telling yourself that, it would somehow be true. And if it wasn't, at least you could fool yourself and feel better about it.

You signed for the delivery and learned quickly that the small boxes were heavy. Of course, they were. Joe called out, “Are those the photos?” and you remembered. You ripped one open to check and were greeted by shiny large photos of Eddie Munson’s face, tongue out, fingers up as horns beside his head. Five thousand of them. “Yep. Which reminds me... until what time do you mind working?”

During the photoshoot, you hung back a little. Afraid to be in the way, because, shit, how many people were actually involved in a fucking photoshoot, Jesus. And half of them looked like they weren't really even doing anything. But then, you kind of belonged to that group a little - girl sat on her phone, tapping her feet to the music, looking up to scan the room every now and then to see if you were needed.

You kept an eye on the time, made sure Joe had water nearby, babysat Joe's phone and his cigarettes, crossed things off the schedule, fiddled with your engagement ring that was no longer an engagement ring, double checked the rest of the day and googled interior design styles to show Joe later. To see what he liked.

You liked that Joe seemed human. Had humour. Eased situations that could've very easily been awkward because, how long had you known each other? And you already had access to pretty much all of him?

You tried imagining what this morning would've been like had it been any other celebrity you'd be working for, and you honestly couldn't think of someone better. Wait, Ryan and Blake, maybe.

When Joe was asked to change outfits, you saw his eyes search the room. He located you, nodded the tiniest of nods to himself, and followed the stylist to the racks of clothing waiting for him.

That almost felt like he was checking to make sure you were still there. As if he needed to be reassured of your presence, and you felt something in your chest that you didn't really like.

Keep him company. He's used to having someone with him.

You made your way over, with no real goal in mind other than to just be a bit closer.

Joe and the stylist were quietly talking, going through several colourful clothing items, and when you stepped into earshot, the stylist smiled at you.

“What do you think, pink, or blue?”

And it was very kind, too kind, almost a bit patronizing, because obviously you had no real say or any influence here, but you still said pink, and then Joe said, “Then pink it is,” and minutes later you were watching Joe pose in a pink suit and it all felt a bit surreal.

He looked so good, so hot.

You were only like, what, five hours into this job? And now you just got to stare at this and be paid for it?

Stupid.

But then it got bad, and it got bad fast. Because after the shoot, you were both sat in the backseat of a car, your car, on the way to a film screening – one Joe was actually excited to see – and you went through the rest of the day together.

Screening first. Drinks in the lobby after. Not quite industry happy hour yet, but important to stick around for a little while none the less. Then you'd fit in dinner somewhere and then, there was the proper networking event. Joe nodded, said yep throughout, said he fancied seafood for dinner, and oh, yes, his fridge at home was empty. You added a Tesco order and delivery to your to do list, and then, whilst stuck in London traffic, asked Joe if he wanted to do the phone interview that needed doing, the number already typed in, ready to go.

“You're asking me if I want to?” Joe challenged. “Or are you telling me I have to?”

Beginners mistake.

The interview was in Joe's schedule. He'd just done the shoot. He had to do the interview now. Joe had his head cocked to the side, looking up at you with raised eyebrows and that smile. Fuck, that smile. It was going to get you in trouble if you weren't careful.

You chuckled in defeat, and Joe was already holding out his hand to take the phone from you as you pressed the green call button.

“No, it's nice you asked, really,” Joe said sarcastically, teasingly, trying to deepen the blush you had going just before they picked up on the other end, “Hey!”

And you made a face at him, mocked anger, shock and sheer frustration because now you couldn't make the snarky comment you wanted to make and as a response. Joe squeezed your knee for a few seconds in recognition.

Just placed his full palm over your knee.

Used his fingers to squeeze into your flesh.

You felt your stomach muscles tense up.

For what?

Joe talked on the phone and squeezed your knee.

For that.

It only lasted a mere second, but then, when Joe had safely made it into the screening and you'd found a coffee place to sit and order Joe some groceries, you still felt his hand there. Firey skin, just tingling away freely under the table.

And you were going to have to sleep at his house?

Oh man.

You checked the time. Did mental math. One hundred and ten and a half hours left, still.

Fuck.

You were so screwed.

---  

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[a-libra-writes]

Ello! may I please request some of the Lackadaisy characters reacting to a ridiculously tall male reader joining their crew?- like hit their head on every doorframe tall?/jk- but in all seriousness, maybe like 8ft or something?

okay im going for like 7ft or so because that SLIGHTLY more reasonable but not by much; idgaf tho this is funny. Also if you will please imagine this as a lanky ass oriental cat a la Pangur of pangur-and-grim fame. also featuring lots of bi cats, because I say so.

Lots under the cut!

♣️Rocky - Oh!! That's a big one! He makes endless "how's the weather up there" jokes (some are so weird) and has lots of ... stories ("St. Louis' very own creature from the river bottoms, only arising when the fog is heaviest!"); it really brings him back to his circus barker days. The first time you picked him up he was momentarily stunned, also he may or may not have climbed up you like a kitten when something startled him. It only happened once, okay? He's also fond of swatting at your absurdly long tail, as in it distracts him mid-sentence and he just has to take a swipe. Look, this probably won't awaken anything in him.

♣️Freckle - First thought? Terrifying, even when you bonked your head pretty bad on the doorframe. Okay, well, you were a little less scary after the third time. He's used to being smaller than most men, but something about you just towering is nothing short of creepy, especially if you have a more tough or intense personality. If you're a kinder soul, Freckle relaxes much faster. When you both have to pile into the back of the car, he feels really awkward about how you have to contort and twist yourself. Jeez, that doesn't look comfortable ... and somehow it makes him feel a lot smaller, which he doesn't appreciate.

♣️Ivy - Omiiigossshhh, the girls at school are not gonna believe this. She beelines to you right away, delighted with the novelty she's discovered. Naturally she wants to dance, and she'd be so shocked and delighted if you were elegant in spite of your lankiness - that'll get her a crush right away. Don't worry, if you're more clumsy, you're still cute! She thinks everything you do is "cute", even if you have the face of a thug and the body of a furry noodle. Having to scoot into cars, towering over the bar when you sit on a stool, your shirt sleeves nearly going to your elbows? Cute! She'd love to buy you something real fancy that fit, she just knows you'd look sharp.

♣️Mitzi - Oh. Oh my. Not her usual taste, but with the right clothes and some pomade, well, you'd be a proper gentleman. Mitzi is already plotting to get you a nice suit made, and good naturedly notes you ought to eat more or the wind will knock you right over. She already feels small next to Atlus and Viktor, but that's doubled with you. Sometimes it makes her a little uncomfortable, but she knows you don't mean to cause the discomfort. If she got you a real nice suit and a gun, you'd be an excellent guard for when she's out and about ...

♣️Viktor - He tries to recall the last time he was this much shorter than someone ... When he was twelve, perhaps? He feels zero intimidation from you, though. Viktor's confident he could snap you in half if need be. Hm, if they got some muscle on you, you might be able to handle some serious firepower... He thinks on it. Oh, and now he isn't the only one having to dodge doorframes. If you're a less violent-inclined person, many times he's growled at you to stop being so slack-jawed and try to look scary, especially when you both are supposed to be guarding.

♣️Zib - Wow yeah okay this is awakening something in him for sure. The musician gets a little hot under the collar when you stand really close and he has to look up, or god forbid, you bend down to his eye level. He has no idea why he's feeling both aroused and terrified, and what that's supposed to mean. Once you said "good boy" as a joke and he nearly tripped and fell off the stage. He's this hopeless even when you're a dork; if you're actually a smooth operator, he's doomed.

♣️Atlas - Yeah, it's not hard to figure out how you stood out to him. You were offered a job, and though you're much lankier than a triggerman out to be, Atlas has plans. Just some fattening up, some practice with a gun and a well-made suit (your Christmas present, in fact), and you cut quite a shadowy figure. The suit is probably the finest one you own, and the only clothing that's fit in years. Mitzi helped choose the color.

🏵️Serafine - She's intrigued right away, which is no surprise. Most people notice you right away, and it's even better if you work for the Marigold gang and she gets to have plenty of time to flirt and bother and amuse you. Serafine is doubly entertained if you're a more clumsy or nervous sort. She loves calling you "le fantôme" or "le boogeyman", and very much admires when you use your height to frighten someone they're having a "talk" with. She has absolutely grabbed your long-ass tail to get your attention.

🏵️Nico - Listen. He's been with men before - not as much as women, mind you, and he's always preferred those who are smaller than him, which is most. But look. You're a tree, he's a squirrel. No shame, you're cute and he'll say it. He can probably pick you up just fine (which he's very proud of) and laughs if it embarrasses you. He's very interested in how you might fight, and has given you several tips on how to use your unusual size to your advantage when going hand-to-hand with someone.

🏵️Mordecai - Yes this is definitely awakening something and he doesnt want to think hard about it also why is EVERY damn person around him a tree -- You drive him up a wall for many reasons. You slouch all the time, your clothes never fit right, you don't carry a gun that would work best for your long fingers. The Savoys joke about you being Mordecai's "project" because he keeps fussing over you. Though they must say, it's a lot easier to get information out of their targets when they have Mordecai's signature glare and a terrifying cryptid looming over him.

⛰️Wick - Oops! All those feelings he's repressed since boarding school are coming out. Note you could be awkwardly trying to get through a doorway or climb out of a car, with clothes that don't fit quite right or trying to finesse a gun that's too small and he is just, totally enamored. If you have more of a scary demeanor - or you put on that act when you're working as Mitzi's bodyguard - then he's still enamored, just with a dash of fear. So. That's confusing.

[feyd-meowtha]

Hi hopr you don't mind me just busting in with zero small talk, but Please can you throw me all your Feyd-Rautha headcanons, I need juice for my Feydpaul fixation ❤❤❤ (also Hi! nice to uhh know you sorry for the awkwardness i developed as a lonely child in school)

I do not mind in the slightest! Hello! I've never been much for small talk anyway so this suits me just fine.

This is actually a little difficult for me because while I obviously do form headcanons, I write fic after all, i'm not very good at conjuring them up out of context. However I will do my best to supply you with what you need. These are mostly based on the book but a little influenced by the various adaptations and defo by that one Moebius illustration (you know the one).

Here we go!

He was born on Lankiveil and only briefly lived with his brother before he left to go to Geidi Prime.

He had a happy childhood with his parents who loved him a great deal

Their house on Lankiveil was big enough but not as large as you would expect from his father's status of count. They didn't have servants and took care of the place on their own at the request of his mother Emmi who was a Lankiveil native and found it ridiculous that the high born didn't do anything for themselves.

His mother wasn't a Bene Gesserit herself but did have some connection to the order, maybe through the other female members of her family who kept an eye on Feyd and fed back to the missionaria

Abulard (his father) was blonde so Feyd got his dark (i hc aubern) curly hair from his mother. He also has her eyes.

His mother/father liked to play music and they had musical instruments in the home when he was young. He loved to sit and listen to them, but he hasn't touched an instrument since he was brought to Geidi Prime.

He was taken by his uncle when he was quite young (between 8 and 12) and either his mother was killed at his uncle's orders (and abulard killed by rabban) when this happened OR he was taken away and Emmi kept imprisoned, then either through manipulation or force his uncle made him kill her at a later time. I am staunchly anti the idea that he killed her of his own volition.

He was popular with the court though always treated with some suspicion as both an off-worlder

The Harkonnens in my 'standard' hc are much more in line with the book and sci-fi channel presentations where there is a certain touch of campiness to them and Feyd thusly dresses pretty effeminately and has long hair p similar to the Moebius drawing. (The Harkonnens in APTIUT are p different to this of course)

The Harkonnens speak Galach but most people on Geidi Prime speak Geidi which is relatively close to Lenkiveili which is Feyd's first language. AS a result he speaks very good Geidi, unlike his uncle and brother who barely speak any, seeing it as common and beneath them to learn the language of their people.

I think that his capacity for casual cruelty is something that he learned while on Geidi Prime and not something innate or that he grew up with. As far as he sees it, this is the only way to survive and those who oppose him deserve what they get. He has a very 'me against the world' attitude thanks to the deaths of his parents and everything he's lost. He is suspicious of everyone and makes a point of not getting close to people for fear of getting hurt.

related to that, contrary to what the recent films said, he has no interest in honour and is totally happy to lie, cheat and swindle his way into what he wants. He is a cheater through and through and not afraid to admit it. As he sees it, is his opponent is stupid enough not to cheat too, then they deserve to lose.

He is very particular about his diet and training regimen, partially because once he got old enough they became a few of the things in his life that he could actually control. He is paranoid about his figure thanks to a fear of becoming greedy and fat like his uncle, who he detests. As a result of this some of this his eating is rigid almost to the point of being disordered.

He is equally particular about his physical appearance, knowing that his looks are one of his greatest weapons and liking how they set him apart from his brother and uncle.

Where he is a little more indulgent is in alcohol and drugs which are plentiful on Geidi Prime and which he uses as an escape from the worst parts of his life.

I also am anti the 'kills people at random' aspect of the movie portrayal. I think that while he gets off on violence, he would see that kind of behaviour as stupid and indulgent. He intends to position himself as the 'better harkonnen' to the landsraad and people so that random violence wouldn't fit with his plans at all.

he has been very interested in Paul and all of the Atreides since he first heard about it and listened to all stories of him that he could find with keen interest.

He loves games, especially those that involve an element of bluffing.

He likes to gamble.

Ok I think i'm gonna call it a day there, I hope that's okay and you enjoyed my very disorganised mess of thoughts!

Thanks so much for stopping by <3

[cringefuckass]

draft of chapter two for the fic! working title right now is “Hell and Other Things That Don’t Suit Us”. once again this chapter will probably be edited before i’m able to post it to ao3. for now i want to post to tumblr bc i need the motivation of knowing people are aware i’m doing something lol

Angel walked alone down the road, hands in his pockets, only looking around occasionally to see if anyone was nearby. It was late, somehow later than he was use to being kept at work. Valentino kept him back for more of the usual and Angel was tired, exhausted even. He wanted to just get back to the hotel and crash into his bed. Tomorrow he had nothing going on and so he was already formulating his plan for the day in his head. He had to admit to himself, it was exciting. Redemption was possible and that crazy princess proved it. He had a shot, small as it may be, to get away from it all. From Val. To Molly. It was possible. It felt new to him to have a sense of direction in his afterlife and it felt incredible, though if anyone asked him he’d certainly downplay it. Val had jabbed at him over it despite Angel not saying anything out loud. Called him and every other sinner who dared to hope a chump. Perhaps it could be more motivation that Val had zero interest in redemption, he’d never see Heaven and that meant Angel would never see him again if he succeeded. Tired as he was he still had a slight pep in his step as he made his way to the hotel through the dark city streets.

As he turned a corner he saw two other Hell residents making their way through the darkened streets, dimly lit enough that he make out only their shapes. A tall figure was being followed by a shorter one, the taller one having horns that added considerable height. Did Imps grow that big? With a shake of his head he decided he didn’t actually care. They were walking in his direction, though considerably slower than him, as if they weren’t sure of each step they took. As he was gradually approaching them, ready to cross paths and probably never think of them again, he caught parts of their conversation. Or, the taller figures conversation with the air maybe.

“But you know what I mean Lute, this place is a dump,” Angel listened as the tall one, a man by the sound of his voice, rambled on, “a real shitshow. What the fuck are we gonna do?” Oh? Wayward souls perhaps?

“Well, sir, I imagine it’s a free for all down here. We may have to figure it out as we go along.” The shorter of the two, a woman he now knew was named Lute, replied. The man either didn’t listen or didn’t care for her suggestion as he just continued on a new tangent as Angel passed them finally. Not much to go off of, but the two were definitely lost at least. Angel slowed his pace as his thoughts sped up. Helping people is a pretty redeeming quality… and all he’d have to do to get some good boy points is explain what the hotel was and offer to walk them to them there, then it was off his hands and into Charlie’s. He would be helpful while barely having to do anything! Score!

Angel turned on his heels and jogged back up to them, “Uh, hey you two,” He caught their attention. “I couldn’t help overhearing that you two are in some kind of situation.” He gave a winning smile to them, looking back and forth, before realising they were each giving him an unsettled look. Not one he’d have expected from two people who got pulled out of their conversation by a stranger but the kind from people who were downright shocked. The woman in particular looked like she could glare daggers right into him if he said the wrong thing. “Uh. I-I just, heard you talking as I was walkin’ past ya both, it sounded like you were maybe lost?” He was loosing steam. She was unnerving and it didn’t help that the man was ridiculously tall, taller than he had expected up close. It was odd to see someone so close to human but just adjacent enough that she left him unsettled. The only other people he’d met down here who came this close to human had been Charlie and Vaggie so far, and Charlie growing horns occasionally kind of took away from that perception. At least the man, large as he was, had the familiarity of a more inhuman face. “I might just keep walking, I’m sorry to bother ya both!”

“Wait.” Lute spoke finally breaking her stony gaze with a blink. “What help could you possibly offer?” It seemed less like an acceptance and more like a challenge.

“Yeah spindle-slut, what’s your game here?” The man joined, hands on his hips. Angel was beginning to wonder if this was actually going to be worth the effort. They didn’t truly know just yet what redeemed a sinner, he was taking a shot in the dark here because he had been under the assumption this would be easy, a quick invitation and then he was done. It seemed these two were more down for a challenge than anything.

“Okay big boy, keep the names to a minimum when we’re not in the bedroom, capeesh?” Angel saw the woman’s eyes narrow at that. Human as she appeared she still resembled a bird of prey, yellow eyes and feathered neck. “What I was going to say is that if yous are lost I know somewhere that takes people in for free. All you gotta do is play along with with some goody two shoes bullshit and you get a hotel room with no other strings attached. There’s been comerciales for it, the Hazbin Hotel?”

The woman stepped closer to Angel in an aggressive manner, sidestepping the man who looked like he been slapped in the face.

“We have zero interest in some crackpipe dream from a hellspawn like that princess, do you hear me?” The energy radiating from her sucked out the last bit of motivation Angel had for attempting his good deed for the day.

“Okay.” Angel stepped back. “Whatever toots, see ya never.” Angel turned on his heels and strode away. What a waste of time, if he stuck around a second longer he was sure he’d have had to pull out his guns from their hiding place. That conversation was a waste of time and effort, and now he was even more ready to crash in bed the second he got back to the hotel. At least he could say he gave it a shot. Maybe the fact that he tried would count towards whatever toll he was trying to fill.

[goodluckclove]

Various "Failures" From My Google Docs

Good morning! I'm at my usual coffee shop and got inspired by the troubles of a few friends to embarrass myself.

Sit down with me. I'm enjoying my usual blended chai. There's room on the couch if you'd like to join me.

So I've written thirteen novels. I think thirteen, I've actually lost count. Let's say, like, five full-length plays and twelve to fourteen finished novels. Impressive, right? Maybe. I'm realizing that I consider that not much of a brag, if only because I know the amount of trips and stumbles it took to get to one completed project.

I've ditched a lot of ideas. A lot. If I need to I can dig into my old hard drives to find all the doc files from my youth, but I also have the same Google Docs I've had since middle school.

It's mostly plays and ghostwriting assignments, but if you did you'll find some snippets from my constant attempts at growth.

Some stuff like this is okay. The line "hair slicked back/suit black silk" is pretty good, but a little too the writer thinks they're clever for me now. I don't really remember where I planned to go with this. I think the narrator was somehow going to be given the identity of Roy Fontaine. I was really fixated on the surname Fontaine at the time. I don't know why.

But then there's also a lot of stuff like this:

Hey look it's Fontaine again! I guess he's a doctor, too! Also I am astounded by how casually the main character just pulls out the Necronomicon. He pulls it out? From where? His pocket? Is it a zine?

I don't know why, but something about how suddenly this jumps in terms of dropping specifics makes me think that Sonic the Hedgehog is about to show up. I can't explain it.

This is the only thing in a Doc titled "Psychosis". I have zero memory of what I was planning on doing with this. What's kind of crazy though is that I wrote this in 2014, and six years later I'll use essentially this exact bit in a finished novel without even realizing it.

Another bit from 2014. No clue what I planned to do with this. It's hilarious to me that something stopped me from finishing the sentence. What am I, Franz Kafka writing The Tower? I didn't die. I wasn't raptured. I just apparently tried to think of something a large oak door would do and immediately gave up. It was 2014 I had finished, like, four novels. And this idea was fully stalled by what had to be a fucking huge oak door.

My favorite part of this radio play I tried to write is that somehow, believe it or not - when I wrote this I did not fully understand the Quantum Suicide thought experiment. And for along time I still kind of thought that this could be salvaged into a good idea, until last night when I asked my wife to put on a video describing the experiment and I immediately found it so dumb. Just ridiculously stupid. The only good thing about Quantum Mickey is that the title kicks ass and I'm definitely keeping it for something.

I've written a lot. A lot. I've earned the severity of carpal tunnel I currently have. If I had to put it into a statistic, I'd say maybe seventy percent ends up finished. fifty percent ends up polished to be read or published. Thirty percent actually ends up being read or published. I'm okay with this, because I enjoy the work. But for me, part of enjoying the work is not panicking when a project doing work.

If I need to end a project in the middle of a sentence, I do. I've clearly proven that I do. Sometimes I write for thirty pages and lose interest, other times I get a paragraph in and get distracted forever. That's okay.

That's okay. As long as you're doing something.

I could've included segments of Carnation, my first novella that was supposed to be a novel but I never finished it. But I fucking guess that's getting it's own post when I hit 150 followers so I hope you're prepared for what the type of stuff I enjoyed in middle school.

There's an Irish child that speaks exclusively in slang. You aren't ready.

[i-cast-teatus-deletus]

Post-surgical nutrition is not one of my real areas of interest for this blog, for a lot of reasons. For example, as surgeries go, top surgery isn't a particularly invasive surgery and the recovery time isn't particularly long. Nutrition is also a somewhat complicated topic because there's no one-size-fits-all solution and trying to be specific enough to be useful but general enough to cover even part of the spectrum of possible diets is pretty difficult.

This is a moderately long article with a lot to think about, but I think that they managed to give a lot of very specific advice that will suit a wide variety of people. Some things that it includes that are difficult to find in a lot of articles on post-surgical nutrition are:

Written (at least partially) by an Registered Dietician who has a MHSc (Master of Health Science) as well.

Doesn't recommend any additional supplements outside of regular vitamins, a particular pet peeve of mine because of the ridiculously lax regulations on supplements in the states. I mean, maybe bromelain or arnica or whatever helps, but most likely it has zero benefit and at the risk of getting a supplement that's incorrectly labeled or intentionally tainted/cut with other products.

Wide variety of food recommendations, including some recs that would work for someone who's vegetarian or has specific food allergies. Some of the products they mention specifically are pretty cost-effective, as well.

Pretty reasonable recommendations on how to increase calorie intake after surgery without confounding the point with a bunch of diet talk.

I likely won't add anything else about post-surgical nutrition unless it's a similarly high quality source (though I am making a tag for it), but even if I don't, this is a pretty robust resource that probably doesn't need supplemented.

[nettleshuttle]

so, welcome to my ted talk! today’s topic: an attempt to put together all my thoughts on chazz in an at least slightly coherent manner

honestly, there’s a lot of these — as of now, he’s one of my favorite characters from the whole ygo series and definitely among the ones i find most interesting, although gx itself does him pretty dirty most od the time (more on that later). when i encountered him first in the show, i was actually kinda surprised/disappointed to see him established as the main rival figure — i mean, really, he was supposed to take over after kaiba? that bland, stuck-up, good-for-nothing guy? but then his later arcs really captivated me, up to the point where i was crying during his society of light duel against jaden and i begun to really appreciate him, so i guess here we are; as i’m still not over much of his character, i’m going to try to break down my favorite/the most important parts of it and see what comes out of it. if you’re still reading that, feel warned that you’re up for a long-ass post

first of all: a definite cornerstone of everything that chazz has going on, so the “talented, successful, arrogant, popular dueling ace” to “ridiculed drop-out underachieving ojama user” pipeline. needless to say, i really love this whole idea, as it’s frankly a take on gifted kid burnout, not handling expectations, not handling not handling stuff and a meaningful self-restoration after all that. it may be difficult to trace, because chazz remains arrogant throughout, but he’s going through a lot of personal growth — and quite realistic at that. the “hitting rock bottom” which he talks about (or bottom of the barrel, as it’s for some reason also being translated) seems ridiculous for a guy who’s, like, on the second most privileged place in life possible. yet, he really feels like he’s lost everything after the downfall he’d taken — and that’s exactly how such stuff works. the even better part that comes from it? as he plainly says, what osiris red really taught him is how little he knew about life. he never hit “rock bottom”, even though it felt like it — but he learned to scramble up and pull himself together after whatever fall it was, which, alone, makes him (and the other osiris reds, i infer) more broad-minded, more aware and stronger than all the obelisk blue elites which have never tasted defeat. that’s a very epic take and a very needed one, if you ask me — just like using a zero-atk hopeless ojama deck rather than some powerhouse of a card set as some blue eyes 2.0 doesn’t make him weaker than any duelist playing the latter, because he knows both and still chose the former. because that’s what suits him, that’s who he is — and although he lost all the pride he once had, he found much more of it on his own later. actually, the pathetic-dignified dichotomy works really well for him — he uses the ojamas, which elicit little more than a snicker from any respectable duelist, but he’s proud because he plays using them and nothing else, like when he deliberately nerfed his deck to sole 0-atks before dueling his older brother. he’s definitely struggling a lot; losing, falling back to his old self, fixating on the need to get revenge on jaden, losing again, scrambling up somehow, getting brainwashed, losing some more, but in all that, he’s getting somewhere — painstakingly and, at times, without any recognition of what he’s doing, but he’s improving in his own way and he is so much stronger and prouder than all who look down on him, all who are what he once had been, before all the losing and the struggling and the pathetic stuff. and i think that’s just great. besides, all of this — the desperation, jealousy, fear, weakness, confusion — make him come off as so much more human than characters like (with all due respect) jaden or jesse and make his development feel so realistic and rewarding.

some more on the decks he uses; i like the way he is shown to juggle multiple archetypes, ranging from armed dragon, to VWXZ dragon catapult, to ojamas — i talked about it a bit already, but i also think him not sticking to a single deck is a good way of showing how he’s in the process of developing all the time. trying out different things, mixing them, getting ridiculous combinations, going for them anyway, going back to some previous stuff, mixing that in too — that’s a real nice metaphor for how finding out stuff about yourself works, developing the optimal ways of doing things that suit you, your own ways of combating your own problems. of course, the three ojamas are a laughingstock next to kaiba’s three blue eyes (or tbh pretty much any other ace monster), but they’re the best representation of what i had laid out in the previous paragraph — i often think about his promotion duel, where the obelisk blue guy chazz faced was so disappointed seeing the ojamas, kept saying how they were a disgrace and how he had looked up to chazz in earlier times, but now considers him just an underachiever and a loser. the way how chazz almost spitefully uses the ojamas to win never ceases to make me happy because he’s making a statement of doing things his own damn way. even if they’re less efficient, weaker, anything, even if he actually loses the duel as a result (like the society of light one against jaden) because, ultimately, there are so much more important things — like when ed said that chazz needs to defeat a certain monster rather than win the game, which was a perfectly accurate summing up. losing with the ojamas is better than winning with anything else because the ojamas are his — and i find it really heartwarming, somehow.

then what does it all actually lead to? character growth is nice when it’s conclusive. what do we actually get for chazz? i mentioned that gx does him dirty and i will stick to it to my dying breath — his development could have been handled so much better (especially his relationship with jaden; even asuka got a more satisfying ending in that aspect) if the show didn’t use him as a scapegoat each time some shit needed to be stirred up or a duel needed to be lost. still, there are some really rewarding scenes to his character — most have to do with the popularity and renown he had enjoyed, then lost, then got back tenfold. “manjoume thunder!” being chanted and yelled and cheered comes off as a rolling joke more than anything else, especially along with the 1-10-100-1000 countdown (count-up?), but it’s actually much needed too — they really should let him have some of the recognition and applause. he deserves it. the empowerment coming from those scenes is great and the cringer it is, the greater it gets, because, come on, that’s chazz we’re talking about, right? his career as a pro duelist has much to do with it and i’m so glad each time i see it developed in post-canon fanfics — with his ojama deck, weird attitude and drop-out reputation, he’s not cut out to be a pro. not talent, not any gift, definitely not destiny — but, in a strange way, there’s nothing that would suit him more. he’s made for the dueling arena, for the spectators and the publicity, but he’s choosing to enter the pro world in his own way, with his own ojama deck, his own ojama yellow ace and the rest of his own identity — and that’s good enough to best ed phoenix, the guy who beat kaiser’s ass into the dirt, because that’s precisely where chazz’s strength comes from. and even if he used a more optimal deck, if he stayed in obelisk blue or god-knows-what, i like to think (and am quite certain) that he never would have gotten that far. so yeah, that would be a great ending for chazz, all in all, if his relationship with jaden wasn’t left practically unaddressed, which was definitely not the way it should have been treated — but even though i love this ship with all my heart and could ramble on it literally without end, maybe it’s best to leave that for some other (indefinite) time. the whole thing is, of course, a very crucial part of chazz’s character, but i think there a limit to amount of gx rambling anyone can feasibly process and i’ve surpassed it some time ago already. also i’m not even mentioning the whole thing with asuka because, try as i might, i fail to see any real reason or purpose for it, apart from some cheap comic relief stunt pulled by the creators. so no.

long story short — chazz is a great character, realistic and relatable (i should stop calling myself out), with a development that is really uplifting when you really consider it, made even better by some very epic scenes that he wholly deserves. arguably, i’d also call him the best ygo rival figure, but since that’s easily debatable, i’m not going into that too much. and, of course, thanks for coming to my ted talk (sorry, i’ve always wanted to finish an essay post that way <33)

[hotcupoteckla]

Unity Gossips

So, if you're new to game development, or if you haven't heard, Unity plans on increasing their pricing for running their games, and charging dev teams for those expenses. Read for yourself on their blog here:

So some notes of interest from what I read, and what a lot of people seem to not care about (yet) because the runtime fees are what most people are up in arms about right now.

I mean, rightly so, given the whole "retroactively" and "based on Install, Not Purchases" which is ridiculous given pirating is pretty prevalent in the games industry. (I mean, totally pirate the big-name games, Fuck EA).

Smaller studios are going to suffer from this. It's bad. Even though it's written from an "EFF THE RICH!" standpoint, from the Games Industry, you might want to tack on a couple of zeros onto the end of these numbers for it to only affect larger corps. Think of Toby Fox getting pwned by this for Undertale and Deltarune, and you'll begin to see why it's bad to do this retroactively.

Oof, billed monthly. Damn.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE Fuckery!

If you pay them to run their ad service on your games (depleting your revenue for Free to Play games), you can get a credited discount for the Runtime. Games similar to MergeDragons will get More Ads! Fun!

Last, but certainly not least, Unity has its own AI Suite!

How much do you want to bet "the ability to add AI functionality at runtime (Unity Sentis)" needs to be toggled OFF in order to not aggregate more data? Any takers to that bet? Does anyone in their right mind on this site think that it Won't be On all of the time?

There are likely many reasons for why they're so very willing to cover the additional cloud computational costs (read Alphabet, AWS or Azure Services, $$$$$) on the data you can give to their game-build assist AI program, and that does not bode well for any developer. Or any players, for that matter.

Not only that, but their asset management tools, and build minutes cost additional amounts unless you pay for premium tiers?

Yeah, not great. 10GB storage total. On 3D rendered art pieces/collections. Roll20 has the same amount of storage space as Unity Personal.

So that's it for Unity's blog post that I was able to spot, BUT the most amusing thing to me of all things is that Humble Bundle and Gamedev.tv took less than 24 hours to negotiate a new bundle for Godot.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s12e14 somewhere between heaven and hell (w. davy perez)

something to be said that they've managed to make me dislike the british mol plotline in new and exciting ways

SAM Yeah. Dude, why don’t you take a shower and change your clothes. You’ve been wearing the same pair of boxers for four days. DEAN Okay, one, weird that you know how much underwear I packed. SAM That’s what’s weird about this? DEAN And B, it’s two and two. Doesn’t count if you flip ‘em inside out.

okay, gross, dean-o. but also, sam, he's got you there, that is in fact weird.

goddamnit davy. i was willing to let it die that i couldn't figure out what paul reiser uses in mad about you (1->B or A->2) because even after literally watching several full episodes and handfuls of clips i couldn't find an instance of it but now i'm gonna end up doing it again. reminded me though i had forgotten about the occasional crossovers with friends it had, via phoebe/ursula (mostly). and also i love helen hunt

SAM Same as the others. I-I made a computer algorithm that scrapes data from police scanners, emergency calls, uh, local news sites, and then it puts everything through a h--

[Dean stares at Sam] SAM The computer told me. DEAN Computers. Monsters, porn. Is there anything they can't do?

i'm staring at sam for different reasons -_- stupid lies, stupid bmol

DEAN I'm using that fancy shampoo you keep hidden from me.

should make a tag for all the things that i thought were fanon but turn out to be canon

cas with the tabloid giving the goofy xfiles vibes, following up with the manager and the reptilian alien theory

HERB Most sheeple can't handle the truth. But not me. I'm woke. It's why I don't use, uh, new tech. Anything past '96, it's a trap. You know…Palm Pilot. It's more like Tracking Device. Am I right?

made me laugh out loud. another blast from the past. i tried to use an old first generation palm pilot but i just couldn't get the swing of putting shit down anywhere because i didn't use an organizer on paper either. wasn't until my memory went to (even more) shit and i could put things in my calendar and have my phone scream at me about it did i really appreciate it

they've been giving them better fitted suits lately, both lookin sharp

DEAN Tell her what? No, seriously, Sam, what are you gonna say? “Hi, my name is Sam Winchester. This is my much handsomer brother Dean. We hunt monsters. Oh, and that guy you were banging? We're pretty sure he made a deal with a demon, so a hellhound came and dragged his soul to Hell. But you? You're cool. And since there's nothing around for us to kill, peace out.”

much handsomer :p

it's funny how i have zero faith in crowley's ability to keep lucifer locked up. maybe that's the point. but it's kind of sad :p i like how clever and wily crowley can be, but they've done a good job building up lucifer (to me, and i basically ignore what he did jumping around meatsuits recently 🤪)

they're sure doing a thing with these two

did this hellhound get out and go rogue because crowley's too busy playing with lucifer?

ah funny, this angel kelvin is in the boys too - 32 episodes! as black noir

CROWLEY Right after God said, “Let there be light,” he -- he made a whole bunch of things -- posies, koalas, hellhounds. He wanted The Creator's best friend, but the hounds were too vicious. So he planned on having them all put down, until along came our favorite fallen angel. He rescued one of the hounds -- a pregnant bitch named Ramsey. DEAN Why don't you just tell her to heel? CROWLEY I can't control her. No one can. She's loyal only to Lucifer.

the snort of derision i just made. so ridiculous

DEAN Great. So we have a hellhound who's gunning for revenge, and it's personal. Ah. Just when I thought this gig couldn't get any weirder… CROWLEY Oh. It can always get weirder.

-_-

DEAN You tend to ride the brakes. SAM Dean, I know how to drive. DEAN I'm just saying. Okay, just imagine she's a… a beautiful woman. SAM Oh, come on. Get out of here. DEAN A beautiful, beautiful woman. SAM I'm done. DEAN Sam… CROWLEY Ew.

somewhere someone surely has kept track of how many times sam has driven baby because it's been a decent amount :p like leaning into a fandom trope

CASTIEL Joshua. I thought he stepped aside. KELVIN He did. But like I said, all hands on deck situation. Imagine it, Castiel -- free to come and go as you please, part of your family, your true family, again. Look… the Gardener's got a plan. All we ask is that you hear us, hear him out. For the greater good.

(another person who says castiel how i expected it to be said, CASStiel as opposed to castiEL) ok more heavenly politics i'll forget but i like this guy more at least and cas being healthily and visibly skeptical helps. joshua, gardener, ok. like the dude they talked to in heaven in s5? 🥴

DEAN Yeah, well, I guess we've all changed. I got predictable. You got soft. I mean, a few years ago, who'd have thought you'd be helping us save the girl of the week? CROWLEY I don't care about her. DEAN Yeah, well, maybe we rubbed off on you. CROWLEY Don't flatter yourself. DEAN You saved Cas.

took an absurd amount of scraping through memories to figure out what that was. i was like oh when crowley gave him the grace that he was dying from lack of? no that was a long time ago, surely there's something more recent. oh right, snapping the .... lance of michael? to stop cas from rotting all of *checks notes* 3 episodes ago in 12x12

CROWLEY Just to spare myself the Winchester Manpain-- you lot moping about like a bunch of schoolgirls. DEAN Well, I just wanna say thank you. CROWLEY Or…a few years ago, who would've thought you'd be working with the King of Hell? Maybe you've rubbed off on me. Maybe I've rubbed off all over you.

deflect from being called out on doing something good by being gross, of course :p also a move in dean's repertoire

GWEN I… I don't think I even know what “okay” means anymore. Marcus… going camping was my idea. I took him out there even though I knew. I knew it was over. I liked Marcus. He was sweet and kind. And he loved me. More than I ever loved him. More than… If I'd just told him… If I… Why couldn't I just tell him the truth? SAM Gwen… GWEN Yeah, but I didn't. [Voice breaking] I lied. I lied to make things easier. I… I'm sorry. I… We should go.

not sure what the point of that was other than an excuse to have them pulled over and not moving, give her another emotional scene

hopefully pretty girl of the week will feel less guilty since she saved sam from the hellhound long enough that he could kill it

CROWLEY You make me your dog, I'll make you my slave. That chain around your neck? Was nothing. A stylish accessory. This vessel… That's your true prison. It's been warded with runes and spellwork from the Cage, carved into every molecule. In there? I own you.

CASTIEL She’s with Dagon, Prince of Hell.

answers my princess question

are you making good choices, castiel? 🧐 going to heaven without telling sam and dean what's going on doesn't seem like the best choice but what do i know

DEAN Mm, is that your computer talking to you again? SAM Uh… No. Um… It's, uh… Mick Davies. DEAN What? SAM Dean… I don't have a computer program feeding me cases. I-I, uh… Gwen? Every job we've worked in the last two weeks? They've come from the British Men of Letters. DEAN Really? SAM Yeah. I didn't tell you 'cause I know how much you hate them. DEAN No, we hate them. Us. Together.

have heard the we/us thing

SAM I-I get that. Yeah, I do. But -- but… Dean, because of Mick and his guys, the Alpha Vampire is dead. They get results. I don't like them either, but-- but if-- if we can save people, then it… Either way, I-I shouldn't have lied to you. And… I'm sorry, man. I-I… DEAN Well, okay. SAM Okay? DEAN What do you want me to say? Do I like it? No. Do I trust them? Hell, no. But you're right. We work with people we don't trust all the time. I mean, hell, I just Liam Neeson'd it up with Crowley. So if you wanna give this a shot, then… [ Scoffs ] Fine. But the minute-- and I mean the second-- something feels off, we bail. SAM Yeah. Of course. Deal.

look at them, they're so mature now! talking things out almost right away, apologizing for the lying, dean being reasonable in listening to sam's argument and agreeing with him despite the strong feelings. so proud

[lovecanbesostrange]

Finally saw Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania last night and now clicking through the general reviews... well... I do get the overall “why is everything CG in blockbusters, especially Marvel”. Oh, I want more shots on set and more practical effects. But this film is set in the quantum realm. Yes, it did not have to look so Star Wars-y (somebody better put the Mos Eisley Cantina music over that bar scene), but of all the things to bemoan that isn’t such a big deal in this film particularly?!

One reason the second Ant-Man is one of my absolute fav MCU films is the fact it’s not about saving the entire planet. Kinda low stakes and all, very character focused. And in lots of ways Quantumania (sadly) is the opposite of that. But also Kang is among my least cared about villains, I loathe so many times I would read Avengers and boom who shows up... ugh. Do. Not. Care. I already feared Kang would come after Thanos before Phase 2 was over. And here we are. But I think this version, for this movieverse, could overall be very entertaining. So hooray for that. It absolutely IS weird to set him up within an Ant-Man movie though. Then again breaking formula in a way?? Everybody else on these soulcrushing rides, adventures about personal grief and changes, but Scott Lang and family end up with this big threat looming. Hmm, okay.

I am upset that we didn’t get to see any of the non-suit-wearing characters we love. I especially don’t get why Maggie wasn’t at the fake birthday party in the end. I get why Luis isn’t in the big story, but a quick shot in the beginning - just like with Jimmy - would have been nice. I don’t think this film tells us that Scott doesn’t care about them and is only here for the Pym-van-Dyne family, but it’s a bit sad to get NOTHING.

What I wanted most of all was seeing Michelle Pfeiffer kick some ass. Expectation met. Thank you. I think Hope was a bit pushed too far back, but the way she comes back for Scott (always), is nice. I can get behind their relationship, their love, their commitment to each other 100%. Also Hank and Janet? Amazing. She kept so much for herself, but is he mad? Do they have to have long drawn out fights for D~rama?? Nope. Some irritation and frustration, sure, that’s more than allowed. But in the end there is only trust and love and unquestionable support. Also please, Hank is there to show some love for ants and that’s wonderful. Really glad his ant farm got sucked in. XD

Also watching this, my one wish is now stronger than ever. Seeing the absolute ridiculous M.O.D.O.K. (and I am not sorry they evolved this from Yellowjacket), I neeeeeeeeeeeeeee~d an X-Men film set in MojoWorld. So much. Ridiculous, over the top, non-sensical absurdity, that has zero consequences when the end credits roll. PLEASE! I need that.

Is this a cinematic masterpiece? lol no, why would I expect that from an MCU movie (so far down the line)? This is about characters I already love and adore (Scott Lang is the best), who end up in unfortunate circumstances and pew-pew their way out of it. For deeper feelings I watch other stuff. (While I’d still change things, I feel like the writers understand Ant-Man & Co better than whatever is happening with Thor. I think the tonal inconsistency of Love & Thunder drags that film down for me and Quantumania felt pretty solid in that regard.)

[the-pale-goddess]

🎃👻🎃👻🎃👻🎃👻🎃👻

What do you HC was the first couple costume Ethan & Tiffany wore and how many Halloweens did it take to convince Ethan to wear one?

If they have to choose, which one would be their favorite costume they have worn?

What’s the most ridiculous costume Ethan has worn just because his kid asked him to?

🖤🧡🖤🧡🖤🧡🖤🧡🖤🧡

Anon, dear 🧡🧡🧡 Thank you so much for sending this wonderful ask, it was amazing to come up with a Halloween HC and reunite with my babies! Sorry if it’s too long lol

Before kids

Ethan Ramsey doesn’t do Halloween, it’s as plain as the nose on your face and Tiffany doesn’t poach on that territory—she respects his boundaries immensely and would never try to breach his comfort zone for the sake of her own enjoyment. Tiff usually gets her Halloween fix on the peds ward where she dresses up for the kids and does a hospital version of trick-or-treating 🧡

My two workaholic doctors rarely get a night off for Halloween, so they usually decline all invitations to costume parties, much to Ethan’s huge relief.

The one time they didn’t decline happened right after Tiffany’s residency. The gang made it very clear that every guest must be wearing a costume, but Tiffany didn’t expect Ethan to entertain this silly idea (or feel threatened by The Organizer, Double-Oh-Tiny Trinh). She had to pick her jaw up off the floor when Ethan asked her what’s their plan. He offered to go as “that unsettling Addams couple” (as a little nod to Tiffany and her surname, obviously). He figured that the costume is pretty undemanding and, more importantly, he gets to look human. Besides, he cannot keep his eyes and hands off his Morticia, so he makes a perfect Gomez 🥰 That was their first and last costume party before kids—a glorious exception to the unspoken rule.

After kids

The Ethan Ramsey doesn’t do Halloween rule changes when NJ (5) and Letty (2) are about to experience their first trick-or-treating while visiting their great grandparents in New York. NJ chose to be Captain America, Tiffany picked Black Widow, and Letty was given a tiny Scarlet Witch costume. Ethan is obviously sticking out, wearing some fancy black suit and his unwillingness to be a part of the Marvel universe. However, he would never ruin his son’s excitement and the event his loved ones were eagerly waiting for…So he agrees on T’s last-minute idea and decides to put the Iron Man mask on, along with the brave face that would help him survive the evening. In the surprising end, Ethan finds himself deeply moved; the sight of his family—the family he thought he’d never have—wandering around the neighborhood in ridiculous outfits and having fun together, filled his heart with great sense of accomplishment and belonging. Plus his smoking hot wife wearing a skintight black jumpsuit and red wig was an absolute vision...But let’s keep it PG jkdjgkdgdj

Halloween costumes became a tradition (only for a few years though; when The Ramdams enter their teenage years, they lose interest in dressing up completely and Grumpsey is relieved of his clown duty lol), but Ethan tries to play it safe whenever possible and chooses costumes that aren’t really costumes as they require zero effort, allowing him to maintain his dignity. Tiffany always finds a clever way to match his choice (or lack of thereof) and comes up with a couple costume anyway. However, sometimes the kids would insist on going all the way, and Ethan is consistently helpless in the face of the power they hold over him...

Some of E&T’s couple costumes over the years:

Peanut Butter for T and Jelly for E

Doctor Strange and Clea - Tiffany’s favorite, Ethan looked so hot he should be illegal

The Addams Family 2.0 feat. The Kids

Cardiac Arrest for T and Medical Record for E (it’s all about the puns)

Pumpkin Pi(e) for T and Dark Matter for E - Ethan’s favorite, guess why 😂

Sexy costumes not included, they don’t need Halloween for that 🖤

Ethan’s most ridiculous costume? Letty’s unicorn.

Before you ask—shockingly, Tiffany had nothing to do with this, but she made sure to get everything on tape and teased him mercilessly (those riding jokes are too tempting, you know). He absolutely hated every second of engaging in this buffoonery, but he would do it again just to see pure, unadulterated joy on Letty’s face. Growing up, it’s one of her most cherished memories (and the reason why Letty claims she’s daddy’s favorite kshkshdkbdkb)

_____

I sincerely apologize for the late reply, but you have probably noticed that I’m rarely here these days…Once again, thank you so much for still caring about E&T and my nonsense, it means a lot! 🫶🏻

[rwbyremnants]

WARNINGS: None, just lap dancing and stuff

Wow, pretty positive response to this one dropping. Going to try to keep up the updates fairly quickly if I can. Thanks for the reviews!

=Chapter 2: Yang

This was definitely the part Yang had been dreading the most. Dancing. 

The instant their little troupe got taken backstage for the second time that evening, Glynda had requested they accompany her to one of the smaller “private rooms” that were reserved for their VIP clientele. No customers were present; just Glynda, another older woman with dark skin and hair that flipped out to the sides, and Cinder who remained standing. But there was a stage with a pole, and they were all expected to perform their best. 

In unitards. They all glanced at each other anxiously as they changed backstage - as quickly as possible. Even though Yang had been fairly unaffected by seeing those pretty dicks on stage, it felt a little different catching a brief flash of Weiss’s package through the gap between her thighs, or Blake’s flaccid member when she turned in the wrong direction. But she shrugged that off as best she could. They were here to do a job, not to get laid or worry about their friends’ bodies. 

Ruby was up first. She did a pretty bad job, but kept giggling and waving as her cheeks heated up more and more, so she had some kind of cuteness factor going for her. Yang was secretly proud of her little sister for trying, even if she still had mixed feelings about her even being there in the first place - and thought she looked better out there than she likely felt she did. Just untrained.

Weiss fared a lot better. She was a little stiff, and her movements were more like a ballerina than someone trying to be sexually appealing to an audience, but at least she didn’t fall on her face. As graceful as they had come to expect from the little rich bitch.

Then, damn it all… it was time for Yang to step up. 

"Show us what you're working with, baby," the flippy-haired judge demanded with a smirk.

"Enough, Tiger Queen," Glynda sighed. "There's no need to cajole them. Continue, Sunbeam."

"Okay," Yang whispered to herself as she shook her limbs to loosen up. "You got this. No big deal! If you can take a bitch in a fistfight, you can swing around a pole, right?"

Wrong.

The next three minutes were a disaster. Several times, Yang secretly felt like crying or running off the stage, but no matter how many times she misstepped or fell over or just looked awkward and ridiculous, she forced herself to try to maintain a positive attitude, to wink and wave at the judges. She wasn't going to get another chance. Maybe she wasn't suited for this job, after all, but she wasn't going to let anybody say that she didn't try.

"Well, I know I've seen enough," Cinder grunted when Yang finally came to a stop, panting from moving in ways she wasn't used to moving, even if she was physically fit.

"Oh, she wasn't that bad," Tiger scoffed. "Just has absolutely no experience."

"She finished her routine," Glynda added reasonably. "There were many points at which I could see she wanted to give up, but didn't. That says a lot for her work ethic."

Cinder nodded thoughtfully. "Well… I'd say let Salem decide this one since she's on the line, but she's not in yet. I guess there's no alternative."

Yang waited awkwardly for a few seconds as they glanced at each other, then all turned to stare at her as one. 

"What?"

"Let's see it," Cinder said with a smirk.

A much louder "WHAT?!" burst out of Yang.

"Your cock. It looks like a pretty decent size under that unitard, but we're gonna need to evaluate the shape, girth… how pretty it is. We have to be able to tell if what you're working with is worth the investment of our time training you or not, y'know?"

“Hey, you can’t just-”

“I can. Remember the waiver? You can leave at any time.”

Damn, she was right. Oh well; she guessed that it didn’t make any difference. Eventually, she would be showing off all her goods if she didn’t abandon this job. Glancing back at the curtain, just to make sure her friends wouldn’t be seeing right away, she reached down and tugged the crotch aside.

“Oooh, yes,” Tiger Queen purred as she sat forward slightly. “I could have a lot of fun with that. The customers would probably feel the same way, too.”

“Yep, that’s what I was expecting,” Cinder said with a more passive nod, though she was smirking. “Hung, but it’s cute. You womanscape; was kind of afraid it might be a wild bush down there.”

“N-nah, I upkeep pretty good,” Yang chuckled nervously, trying not to think about the three pairs of eyes trained straight on her anatomy - or the effect it was having on said anatomy. “I mean, if I do something, I’m all-in, y’know? None of that halfass bullshit.”

“An admirable attitude,” Glynda conceded.

“Oooh,” Tiger breathed softly, eyes widening even more. “Ladies and ladies, welcome to the stage Sunbeam’s sunbeam…”

Damn. They noticed. She reached to try to cover herself, but Cinder held up a hand to forestall her, so she clenched her fists and moved them back to her sides. It wasn’t easy to feel anything other than humiliated with an audience watching her get hard in realtime.

“Noooot baaaad. Definitely could be all over that.”

“Same,” Cinder added - with a purr of her own now. 

“It’s good to note,” Glynda admitted, a little more detached than the others - though she did adjust her glasses so she could see Yang’s arousal better. “Some of our dancers are incapable of achieving erections without chemical assistance, so you’re already one up on them.”

“Y-yeah, great,” she sighed as she felt herself throb from the way they were leering - especially Tiger. She looked like dinner was served after a long week of fasting. “Um… can I put this away now?”

“Put it away in my bussy.” But when Glynda nudged her, Tiger sighed and sat back again. “Yes, we’re done with you. Next?”

“Oh my God,” Weiss hissed when Yang stepped back through the curtain, after hastily tucking her raging boner away. “I can’t believe they made you do tha- OH! It’s enormous, even with the unitard on! Where do you keep that thing?!”

“Wow,” Blake breathed - and she was looking at it a lot more like Tiger Queen had. Yang tried very hard not to read too much into it.

“You’re up,” Ruby prompted Blake, shaking the taller brunette out of her daze. She took a shaky breath and walked out on stage with her shoulders squared and her game face on. Then Ruby sidled up beside her sister and muttered, “Sooo…”

“What?”

“You gonna do something about that, or just walk around with it sticking out?”

The instant she felt Ruby’s index finger press into the underside of her arousal, Yang felt a spike of fear - and a rush of heat. Maybe she wanted her sister to stay as far away from her private parts as was humanly possible, but it still felt good to be touched.

“RUBY! Can you like, not?!”

While Ruby was giggling, Pyrrha whispered, “Oh no…”

The others all moved to the curtain to look. Yang frowned when she saw Blake was really struggling. Some moments she looked fine, but then others she would second-guess herself, stop halfway through a motion despite it looking as if she had a handle on it before. When the song ended, she just started stalking for the curtain with her arms folded tightly over her chest.

“Don’t even want to wait for a review?” Cinder called out. “Fine, whatever. Send out the last bitch.”

Naturally, Pyrrha did everything perfectly. When didn’t she? She struggled briefly with the pole, but on second attempt she was able to spin around it with ease. Whereas Weiss earned herself a hum of approval here and there, Pyrrha got a few oohs and ahhs.

“Ugh,” Weiss breathed, clearly rife with jealousy.

“Oh, don’t be a sore loser,” Yang shot back at her. Blake was still hanging back behind them, looking mortified that she wasn’t suddenly invisible. “You did great; at least you didn’t do so bad you had to show off your wang just to keep from being kicked out.”

Smirking, she replied, “Oh, I’m soooo lucky.” A second later her smirk disappeared as she watched Pyrrha taking a bow, because they were actually applauding for her. “I really am. It never was an issue before today, but mine isn’t very big, so it wouldn’t have earned me any brownie points with Simon Cowell and Company out there.”

“Pyrrha’s a shoe-in, alright,” Yang admitted. “Like… I didn’t mean to look, exactly, but she seemed to have a pretty decent bulge down there. Plus she’s so graceful all the time. I’d kill not to be a giant clod.”

Before anyone could respond, Glynda called out, "Will all prospects please come out on stage? Thank you."

Seeing no reason not to, the other four joined Pyrrha on stage. Yang found herself hanging back with Blake, and shot a sympathetic smile at her friend. She didn’t get one in return; Blake was too mortified. She’d have to find some time to make her feel better later.

“Thank you. The good news is, you’ve all passed; we are interested in training you, if you are interested in being trained. Some of you need more work than others… but we feel your potential to earn for us and bolster our ranks is significant enough to make our investment worthwhile.”

“Oh, how flattering,” Weiss grumbled. “We’re just numbers to them.”

“That isn’t true,” Tiger snapped, having overheard her even though she wasn’t speaking too terribly loud. “We look out for each other at Futopia, alright? But in order to be one of us, you have to be able to do the work - that’s just all there is to it.”

Cinder shook her head at them. “This ain’t no charity. But like she said, even if you just work here a few months and decide you’re done, you’ll be one of us forever.”

“Like alumni,” Pyrrha offered, and Glynda nodded. “I… like that idea. I’ve always liked the idea of a sisterhood of women like us.”

“We might be a kinky version of that, but yeah,” Tiger offered with a shrug, still reclining passively. “Alright… now for the next test. Just gotta see where you’re at.”

The three judges spaced their chairs apart further. Yang wasn’t exactly sure what was going on - especially since she thought this was going to be the end of their little audition. What more did they need? They already saw that clearly some of them didn’t know the first thing about exotic dancing.

“Alright… Sunbeam, you take that fourth chair there.” Yang had been so distracted by her inner thoughts that she didn’t even notice a chair had been placed off to the side, but she claimed it obediently, noticing it was fairly comfortable. “Great. Now, the other four of you pick a judge, or your friend there, and give us what you think is a lap dance.”

“WHAT?!” most of them yelped. Pyrrha and Blake were the only two who kept their reactions to surprised eyebrow-raises.

“You heard the woman,” Cinder snapped to support Tiger’s orders. “You’ve got ten seconds to pick your pony and ride it. Go.”

For about the first eight seconds, Yang looked on in secondhand embarrassment as her companions fretted and tried to make a decision. Just because this was obviously going to be a part of this job, didn’t mean a single one of them expected to have to do it today. Then they all surged forward, scrambling to claim a chair for fear of whatever Cinder’s wrath might have entailed.

“Oh,” she found herself whispering when Pyrrha wound up standing awkwardly in front of her. 

“Y-yes,” Pyrrha whispered softly. “I’m… afraid I will be in your lap soon. I intended to choose Tiger Queen, but Blake had already made her move. Perhaps… you would have been happier if she-”

“Oh, no no no,” she reassured her anxiously. “It’s cool! I just… yeah, I don’t know what the point in me getting a lapdance from you is, since I don't even work here yet, but it’s all good. Part of the audition, right?”

Her friend nodded firmly, then cleared her throat and closed her eyes, taking a slow, deep breath. Her eyes opened… 

“Why, hello there, handsome.”

“Handsome?” Yang asked with surprise - mostly from seeing the sultry look in Pyrrha's features that she hadn't been expecting. “Oh - wait, yeah, I’m the guy, right?” She cleared her throat and deepened her voice a little. “Hey, baby, lemme see that milkshake.”

Pyrrha hid her mouth and nose behind her hand like a geisha as she giggled. “You’re so cheeky! But I can be cheeky, too.” Then she turned around and shook her ass. It wasn’t exactly twerking, but she seemed to have learned a lot in a very brief amount of time.

“Yeeeaahhh, that’s it! Whoo!” Yang reached out to smack it - and Pyrrha gasped. “Oh - sorry, we probably ain’t supposed to do that.”

“Probably not,” she giggled. “Behave yourself.” Then she licked her lips, gave a little “why not?” shrug, and shifted down to grind her rear against Yang’s knees. “Is this what you had in mind?”

A little sigh fell out of Yang’s mouth. She wasn’t quite the virgin her friends were, but this still wasn’t the kind of thing she would normally do - and definitely not in a club in front of other people. Pyrrha did have a nice, firm ass… but she was trying not to think about it too deeply.

“Well, how are you doing tonight?” Pyrrha asked as she turned and crawled onto the chair, knees perched on either side of Yang’s thighs. Her amused expression was just barely held in check, but clearly she almost let out a giggle or two.

"Mmm, way better now." Her hands moved up to cup her friend's ass, though she tried to keep them mostly to the outside. 

And then they just let it happen for a while. Strange as this entire situation was, since there really wasn't much they could do about it other than call it quits, Yang and Pyrrha just kind of let themselves be carried away in the moment. She was comfortable enough in the setting that she didn't panic when she realized she had gotten aroused again, even though she saw Pyrrha shiver and bite her lip - which only threw fuel on their Greek fire. Naturally, when Yang glanced down, she saw the outline of a very large shaft-

And looked away. Maybe they were decent enough friends that they didn't freak out, but it was still hot and she was embarrassed to be looking at that part of her.

At least that gave her the opportunity to check on how the rest of their friends were doing. Blake and Tiger Queen were the closest and she could tell Blake was awkward but that her temporary partner was being very encouraging - even if a little handsy. Weiss and Glynda were a lot more professional, the former's moves slowly gaining more confidence, and the latter only providing verbal critiques and guidance with her arms folded over her chest. That was almost funny.

Ruby and Cinder were another story. Her sister looked very nervous, and the internet star was eating it up, leaning on one elbow and smirking. That was the best Yang could make out from so far away, but it still made her scowl and wrestle with the urge to go over there and knock the smug bitch out.

"They… seem to be faring well," Pyrrha panted, not noticing Ruby's distress.

"Mmm, I guess."

"Are you alright?" When Yang looked back, there was genuine concern in her features. "It's Belladonna, isn't it?"

"Huh?!"

Shrugging one shoulder, the tall Olympian raised one leg up and leaned forward until she was thrusting her package into Yang's face. "I've noticed you seem to wear a… certain expression whenever you look at her. Perhaps I'm mistaken, but if I'm not, I could understand why seeing her with another woman would frustrate you."

"It's not… like that…" Maybe it was like that. Honestly, Yang could never quite put her finger on how she felt about her best friend. The problem was, she couldn't even form a decent argument one way or the other with the biggest erection she had ever seen only a few inches away, barely restrained by the unitard.

"Not that I'm judging you at all. Of course you care for her; both of you have been friends for some time now." Pyrrha caught her breath for a second, clearly just as affected by this situation as Yang was. "But only you can define that friendship. You and Blake."

"Right. Uh… hey, Pyrrha…"

"Yes?"

"Are you… into me? Sorry, I'm not trying to make a federal case, I just wanted to know if this is because we're doing these lap dances, or if it's… more, uh…"

It took the redhead a moment for the coin to drop, and when it did she pulled back so she could look down at Yang properly. "Oh! I'm sorry - yes, I suppose it must seem that way with my… condition, mustn't it? But it's… I'm not used to feeling what I felt in your lap."

"I know," Yang sighed shakily, letting her hand rest on her own bulge to try to alleviate some of the tension. Not that it helped much. "Like, this whole club is kind of getting to me; been on edge since I saw Coco's junk, and then the judges over there wanted to see mine… and you're bouncing that rock solid ass on me…"

"I'm not the only one with firm glutes," Pyrrha chuckled good-naturedly - though Yang thought she saw her cock throb beneath the thin fabric. It was hard to tell with the low lighting, and when she was trying not to stare at it. "We are both very strong women."

"Y-yeah. Yeah, that's true. But I know you're with that one guy…"

"Oh, Jaune and I aren't terribly serious. Wait…" Her eyebrows hiked. "I'm so sorry, I didn't- I hope you aren't misinterpreting this as romantic interest. I'm talking about your body being very attractive, but it isn't-"

"No no no, no way," Yang laughed, completely relieved. If she did have a crush on Pyrrha, it probably would have devastated her, but luckily they were on the same page. "I'm just… yeah, you're so sexy, and today I learned you're hung like a fucking horse. So bonus."

"Mmm, you like that mine is larger?"

This was wandering into dangerous territory. Yang knew she wasn’t actually into Pyrrha like that, but she was gorgeous, and she was getting attention from her that she never had before. Her higher brain functions knew it was no big deal, but those weren’t ruling the roost right now.

“Mmm, maybe I do. Mine’s pretty big and I’m not used to vibing with somebody who’s got a bigger one, y’know? It’s super hot.”

And it seemed Yang wasn’t the only one suffering from the effects of this unwise interaction. Pyrrha throbbed again at her words, and her hips twitched from side to side. “Is it really? Would… you like to see…?”

“Oh, definitely,” she blurted before she could stop herself. 

“Ooh. Well… then why don’t I show you everything?”

Why didn’t she? Yang was still trying to come up with a good reason as she watched the redhead back up out of their chair, reaching for the shoulders of her unitard… 

“That’s enough,” Glynda called out just when it was about to get very interesting. Weiss stood from her lap and assumed a very poised and professional stance as she continued, "From what I've been able to tell, you all did fairly well for beginners. Cinder?"

"Terrible, but better than a lot of noobs," she offered with a sigh. Ruby had started to deflate, but cocked her head curiously at the last bit. "She second-guessed herself a lot but didn't quit. Plus she's got decent t-and-a, even if her dick looks pretty pathetic."

"Some of the clients are all about the little dicks," Tiger said reasonably. "You know that."

"Sure, sure. How was yours?"

Glancing up at Blake's flushed features, the confident woman smirked and reached up to caress her neck. "Honestly? I had no issues whatsoever. She was a little too aggressive, but I could tell it was to make up for her stage performance. Needs training but she's on the right track."

"Excellent," Glynda offered as she adjusted her glasses. "And Snow Queen was adequate. She needs to work on her dirty and-or flirty talk, but she was very amenable to my corrections. I'd like to work with her if she stays on. Now…"

They all turned to Yang and Pyrrha. She could just barely see Blake’s eyebrows shoot up - probably from how aroused Pyrrha was. It made her glance at her friends, and she saw that none of them seemed to be in quite the same dire straits; perhaps a little firmer than before, but only barely so.

“Yes?” Pyrrha prompted, her nerves just barely showing in her voice.

“Are you satisfied?” The question was aimed toward Yang, not Pyrrha.

“Huh? Oh! Am… I supposed to even know how to answer this?” She shrugged and stood up, gesturing to herself. “I’m still hard, so I guess she knew what she was doing. Shook her ass, twerked on me, thrust at my face and stuff. Was gonna take it all off before you ended it.”

“You were?” Weiss asked in shock. “Oh - I didn’t know we should have been doing that.”

“Well, not necessarily,” Cinder offered with a sigh as she absentmindedly caressed up and down Ruby’s thigh - which made her shiver. “For private room fun, yes, but not so much out in the main lounge when you’re lap-dancing. Even if they throw you a lot of money, it’s still the kind of thing you’d save for closed doors.”

“I understand,” Pyrrha interjected as she bowed slightly to the judges. “More teasing out in the main area, but save things like this for back here.”

“Yes, exactly,” Glynda affirmed. “But you have all done well - including you, Yang. You knew what someone would look for in their private dance, and you assessed her performance accordingly. This means you could replicate that in your own.”

“Yeah, I… guess we gotta start learning how to do that,” Yang chuckled.

“Not if you don’t want to work here,” Tiger rebutted easily, patting Blake’s leg to remind her to get out of the chair, which she did. “This job isn’t for everyone, and no one’s forcing you to do it. But if you do…” 

Yang felt like she must have blacked out. When Tiger Queen opened her pretty mouth and told the fresh meat how much they could be making a night, with the wages and tips combined, she felt like she had died and gone to heaven. Even though this wasn’t exactly the type of work she had hoped to fall into, she wasn’t nearly as opposed as most of her other friends - and the money was beyond tempting.

“I… think I’m in, guys,” she told her friends as she turned to them with wide eyes. Most of them had similar looks on their faces - except for Weiss, who was obviously used to large sums of money thanks to her wealthy family. Even she seemed a little impressed.

“Same,” Blake was quick to add. Yang knew her best friend would have her back.

“Then it’s settled,” Glynda said with a nod. “Those of you who are inclined to train with us will come back in the afternoon, during off-peak hours. Most of our dedicated dancers work between the hours of seven PM and three AM, when our clients are the most active; the club is technically only closed from four AM to four PM, excepting the rare event requested around noon, but those are when we thrive. We staffers therefore keep nocturnal hours for the most part.”

Though Yang was thinking to herself that it was a lot of extra information they didn’t ask for, Weiss piped up, “That certainly sounds reasonable. You have to make yourselves available when traffic is at its height or you can’t maximise profit.”

“Yes, exactly,” Pyrrha agreed.

“Hmm, boring,” Cinder announced with a large mimed yawn. Glynda scowled at her but made no comment. “Anyway, you’re doing fine, and we’ll look forward to breaking you in.”

What ominous phrasing. But Yang knew she felt pretty optimistic about the entire thing as her friends redressed in their own clothing and headed for the door behind Cinder, with Glynda and Tiger bringing up the rear. As they headed down the hall, another door opened and Coco drew up beside them, wearing nothing but her clear heels and her sunglasses. Yang felt herself getting lightheaded, but tried to keep her eyes up.

“Oh, excuse me,” she said politely.

“Don’t bother, they’re recruits,” Cinder snorted.

“Ohhhh, really? Hmm, thought they were too young and cute to be clients.” She lowered her shades and scanned all five of them. “Damn, we don’t usually get this many in one crop.”

“This many what, pray tell?” Weiss seemingly couldn’t stop herself from asking.

“Hotties. Normally we get one hottie at a time, or a few that are kinda passable. All of you have potential. Cool.”

And then she was off. Glynda didn’t make any remark at all as she headed for the office, but Tiger Queen stopped by to tell them in a whisper, “Coco means she would bend any of you over if you gave her so much as a wink. Be careful, she’s a heartbreaker.”

“O-oh,” was all Ruby gulped, and the others made no comment. Yang wasn’t intimidated, but she did make a mental note to watch out for her - either to fight her off, or to let her go to town with that gorgeous cock. She hadn’t decided.

“Hmm. Are there a lot of… sexual relations between the dancers?” Pyrrha asked.

“What kind of robot is this?” Queen asked with a nod at Pyrrha. “I thought Penny was the only one.” Though she did shrug and consider the question afterward. “I wouldn’t say ‘a lot’ but it’s not that uncommon either. For some of us, this is just a job, but it is pretty sexually-charged, isn’t it? Hard not to feel a little pent up - and most of us feel safer blowing off steam with a coworker instead of letting the customers know we’re genuinely horny, and not just horny-for-pay.”

"I… see," said Pyrrha, looking a tiny bit put out by being referred to as a robot but trying to take it in stride.

"Why? Do you need help with that?" She nodded down at that obvious bulge, making its owner grimace. Then she chuckled, "Kidding, just kidding. But if you did, I'm sure you'd find no shortage of girls around here willing to lend a hand."

“M-maybe later.” That only caused Queen and Cinder to giggle. Something told Yang they would have to watch their own backs in this particular club.

    The paperwork didn’t take nearly as long as they feared. Yang felt relieved when she slid the clipboard back across the counter toward Glynda, who took it with a small smile and a nod. Most of the others had done the same; Pyrrha was the last. Most likely, she was just being very meticulous, but Yang also thought it was possible that she was still a little flustered from earlier.

“Thank you much,” she finally sighed now that all of their applications were collected. “This is a mere formality, of course; the audition was all we needed to see. Barring a terrible result from a background check - unlikely, given your ages - you may start as soon as we give you a call to let you know your employment status is finalized.”

“What if we decide against coming?” Ruby piped up meekly. “I’m kinda… not sure if I can let everybody see my junk on a daily basis.”

“Then you need only tell us when we call. Or not show up for work; that will also constitute the same. You’ll all be on a probationary status from now until we deem you ready for the floor; until that time, your employment is considered ‘temporary’. Only once you are depended upon to be working scheduled shifts would we be counting on you to do so, and thereby displeased if you don’t come in.”

That was a lot more of an answer than Yang expected. Still, rather reassuring. She was still processing that when Weiss raised her hand, as if they were in a classroom.

“Yes?” Glynda asked - like a teacher.

“Would there be any way we could receive an email rather than a phone call? I wouldn’t want… certain persons to overhear that I’m beginning work at a brothel.”

“Adult entertainment facility. Not ‘brothel’; we don’t conduct illegal activities.” But Weiss’s expression didn’t change, so she shrugged. “If you wish, we are more than happy to say you ‘have an appointment with Doctor Salem’, and then state when you’re to show up for training; it’s our standard code.”

“So this has come up before?” Blake asked curiously.

“Oh yes. The nature of this work necessitates discretion at times.”

“Yeah, makes sense. I, uh… I’d like my call to sound like that, too. My parents wouldn’t be too judgmental, but I still don’t want to answer a lot of questions.”

Again, she nodded. “Raise your hands if you would care to receive coded calls.” All of them did. Yang mostly thought it wasn't necessary in her case, since she wasn't around her parents constantly, but better safe than sorry. “Very well. You may take your leave whenever you like; we have all your necessary information.”

So they all started to file out. As they hit the door, Ruby whispered, “Okay, this was really weird, but I kinda expected it to be way worse?”

“Still can’t believe you just showed up like that,” Yang grumbled.

“Whaaat? I just wanted to be part of the cool kids!”

“Well, now you’re part of the half-naked adults,” Blake snorted as they continued to head for the back of the club. “Hope that’s close enough.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised at how little I hate this,” Weiss remarked. “It’s still crass and tawdry, but they understand their clientele and provide a service. We have the service they provide and can make a lot of money doing that, so… might as well. At least for a while.”

"You're the biggest shocker out of all of us," Yang chuckled. "Well, you and Pyrrha. Not that you're prudes or anything, just… a little more conservative?"

Pyrrha laughed with her, cheeks still a little rouged even though her arousal had mostly faded by now. "That is true. I think if my mother stumbled upon this facility and found out what I was doing, I would be mortified. But what are the chances of that ever happening?"

"Yeah, face it," Blake sighed as they reached the locker rooms. "Our parents aren't really strip club material. I think it's pretty safe for us to take it all off here, where nobody knows who we-"

"Weiss?"

The word put the fear of God into them for one terrifying second. Could it really happen? Had one of their parents shown up out of nowhere in the last place they would ever expect to see them?

No. Weiss began to smile, then took a few quick steps forward to throw her arms around her older sister. "Winter! You're here!"

Winter Schnee was quite a lovely woman. She had Weiss’s naturally premature silver hair and fair skin, and in some ways their noble features were similar. But the similarities ended there: Winter was much taller, curvier, and stood with strength and confidence where her younger sister was mostly just petulant or outright bitchy. That regal confidence was remarkable, given she was wearing nothing but a bath towel. She also was completely stunned at the moment, though the only outward evidence was her mouth being slightly open and how long it took her to finally wrap one arm around Weiss’s back.

“I… Weiss, what…?”

“Oh, I had been hoping you were working tonight!” She drew back to grin up at her. “I missed you!”

“What on earth are you doing here?” She glanced around at the other faces. “Who are all these- you aren’t allowed to bring guests backstage. I suggest you leave before Elm finds you.”

While Weiss was beginning to look disappointed, Blake spoke up. “We’re applying to work here. Cinder gave us the tour, and Glynda took our applications.” 

As Yang watched Winter blink at her again, she realized what Blake’s plan was: the name-dropping. If the five of them knew who those two people were, especially Glynda, it would make it harder for Winter not to believe their word. 

“Ah. In that case, might I ask… what on earth you think you are doing?”

“Huh?” Yang asked.

“You five are still in college. Barely, at that - all of you are so young, and have your futures ahead of you. Why would you want to let these clients objectify your bodies so readily? It… it simply isn’t necessary.”

Weiss frowned up at her. “But Winter, what do you mean? I… thought you said this was a great job, and you were making a lot of money.”

“The latter part is true,” the older sister admitted begrudgingly. “But as for it being a great job… yes, it is, in relative terms. This club is not the worst in the red light district by a long shot. But I still would never suggest my little sister take a position at a strip club! It’s, it’s… no, I don’t think that’s acceptable. In fact, I forbid you to work here.”

“Uh… excuse me?!” Weiss’s head whipped around to look at the others, as if to make sure she had heard that right. When most of them just shrugged, she turned back to snap, “You aren’t Mother, you know that, right?”

“Yes, and thank God I’m not. Otherwise, I would be telling you ‘boys’ to go find Jesus or some such nonsense.”

Her eyes narrowed further as Yang winced at the misgendering. Even if she was only doing it to take a pot shot at someone else, it still wasn't a great feeling. “I keep telling you, she isn’t like that. Not anymore. You just won’t listen!”

“Enough,” Winter said coldly. “You and your friends will-”

��I and my friends will wait for our phone calls and come in for training,” the younger Schnee sibling retorted with all the stubbornness Yang had ever seen her command. And that was saying a lot. “And whether you like it or not, we’re about to be your fellow employees, so you had better get used to the idea! Good day!”

When Weiss took off for the back door, the other four hesitated. “U-uh, wait up!” Ruby squeaked, but she still paused to wave at Winter. “It, um, it was nice seeing you again!”

As everyone else slipped past, waving as well, Yang decided to take up the rear. She felt like she should say something more, but had no idea what.

“Well? What do you want?” Winter demanded, still a little dazed.

That helped prompt her. “Y’know… we might barely know each other, but do you really wanna do the same thing your mom did to you? Tell Weiss she’s fucking up and that she can’t do what she wants?”

“Stay out of this. You don’t know what you’re talking about - you don’t know what exotic dancing can do to one’s reputation. This is the worst thing she could be doing, short of actual prostitution.”

“Maybe. But if you keep treating her like she’s dumb and fucking up, you’re gonna lose your last family member. Just saying.”

As she headed out, Yang knew she would never forget the sheer pain in Winter Schnee’s features. There was shock, and outrage, as well, of course… but it was definitely the pain that stood out to her. Especially because it was a pain she knew all too well.

[thekpopgossip]

Roundup: Freshest Releases

TWICE "I Got You"

TWICE does a pretty good job with upbeat 80's retro tracks. This one was nice, yes a little save and generic, but easy to listen to. I still like their other two English releases better, though.

P1Harmony "Killin' It"

I have to admit, P1Harmony killed it with this one! The instrumental, the super catchy chorus, and the performance were A+. The group is not known for doing hip-hop but this concept suits them well, I hope they can get some attention for this comeback. BOYSTORY's "Alpha" on the other hand looks like a joke.

YOUNG POSSE "Posse Up"

My god, who forced these kids to rap? Zero flow, zero delivery, and the lyrics are ridiculous (though not as bad as their debut). Same can be said about ICHILLIN's comeback "Demigod", just flat and boring.

[from-a-reckless-writer]

dove down my rabbit hole of wips and one of my wips isnt a wip anymore! so here, have some gay shit....

“Kelly wants to get married in the woods, I want to get married in Midvale. So, apparently, our wedding will just happen via Zoom. Her in the woods, me at the beach. Ain’t that just fucking grand?”

Alex comes through the door like a hurricane covered in leather. Her helmet lands on Kara’s counter loudly. Her keys haphazardly thrown somewhere in the general direction of the bowl by the door.

“Then have two weddings.”

Alex follows the voice and her eyes zero in on her sister’s best friend.

Lena is sitting on the floor of Kara’s apartment, wearing an oversized sweater. Her dark hair spilling down her shoulders softly. A hand wrapping around a wine glass, the other typing on her laptop, not even jumping in the slightest at the commotion that is Alex’s entrance.

Alex plops down on the couch sighing loudly, not even batting an eye at this utterly domestic scene that is her sister washing the dishes with Lena Luthor on the floor of her apartment.

Lena doesn’t comment at the Danvers’ Sisters antics and Alex doesn’t call them out on the ridiculousness that Lena and Kara are still keen on keeping up.

The three of them already well desensitized to one another’s preferred brand of bullshitery.

“You know, sometimes I forget you're a rich-ass bitch and then you say shit like that and suddenly, I remember,” Alex says, smoothly snatching the wine from Lena’s hand.

She finishes the entire glass in one gulp and Lena rolls her eyes. Alex had finally proposed to Kelly the other week and well, that meant this week all of them had fallen victim to the Olsen-Danvers wedding debacle. It seems today isn’t the day that that whole dilemma is going to stop.

The wedding, of course, was still a few months away, but both parties were stressing about it as if it was going to happen immediately the next day.

Kara swoops in then, mussing up Alex’s hair, earning her an annoyed Hey stop it! before putting down another wine glass and pouring for Lena. Her arms are still wet from washing the dishes.

Lena murmurs her thanks and continues what she was saying, “Well, since you’ve finally remembered that I’m a billionaire. Let me pay for two weddings.”

Alex chokes on the wine.

“What? You’re kidding me, right?”

Lena continues typing, ignoring Alex’s shock, you’d think she didn’t just offer to pay for a wedding.

“Well, I mean, I’m never gonna get married,” Lena explains, “but if you let me do this, I can brag around that I’ve paid for two weddings. Not to mention I’m gonna make two brides very, very happy.”

“Or,” Kara interjects, lowering herself on the opposite side of the couch, perfect for Lena to lean back between Kara’s legs and lay her head on the side of her thigh. “You can just wait for Kelly to get here,” Kara says, pointedly. “Talk it out like normal adults and reach a compromise.”

Kara’s hands start to snake their way from Lena’s hair to Lena’s shoulders, massaging, all too aware that Lena won’t stop whatever it is she’s working on on her laptop till everybody gets here.

Lena lets herself melt and closes her eyes, sighing as Kara’s fingers dip at the junction of her neck and shoulder with just the right amount of pressure.

“I don’t wanna get married in the woods, Kara.”

Lena opens one eye to take a peek at Alex, who looks exasperated, her eyes pleading, gulping down another glass of wine.

“Don’t tell me,” Kara replies. “Tell Kelly.”

“The bugs, Kara,” Alex moans. “Imagine the bugs, and the moss and the ughhh.”

She dramatically thumps the back of her head on the couch.

“Imagine the soil. Clumpy wet soil. Eurgh. Ew. What if I fall face first in that? What if I trip over a stupid tree root in my heels? In my wedding dress?!”

“Alex, you don’t even have a dress yet,” Kara deadpans.

“I thought you were gonna wear a suit,” Lena adds.

“You two suck.” Alex pouts.

****

The rest of their friends arrive and Kara finally succeeds in prying Lena’s work laptop away from her. Alex was already teasing the line from tipsy to drunk by the time Kelly comes through the door.

“Let’s get married in Vegas!!!!” Is how Alex decides to greet her fiance.

Kelly laughs, gives her a peck then answers, “As much as that sounds like a very convenient wedding, I don’t think Eliza would appreciate that, baby.”

Alex frowns at being rejected, sags against the couch and crosses her arms. Why does Kelly always have to be right?

“How much has she had to drink?” Kelly turns to Kara.

“Uhh ask Lena. She made her switch to whiskey.”

Lena—who Kelly thinks was way too busy nuzzling against Kara’s neck to even answer her question—mumbles something that sounds like “S’was just two glasses.”

Kelly just shakes her head, makes Alex drink a glass of water. Her ring making a clink against the glass.

“Alright, what if,” Nia sing-songs, eyes sparkling with mischief, “we just settle this whole wedding thing with Charades?”

Nia claps her hands together like some gameshow host and Kelly takes a deep breath through the nose.

She’s been to enough Game Nights to know where this is headed.

Everybody else was intoxicated enough to accept the suggestion as a grand idea, not at all even thinking that: Hey, isn’t this something we should all take seriously?? Maybe ask the brides what they want, maybe???

Kara nods enthusiastically, agreeing immediately, “Oh!! That’s a great idea! Fun and fair at the same time!”

“Olsen vs. Danvers. Brides get to pick their teams.”

Nia pulls a white board out of nowhere, uncaps a marker and writes “Team Danvers”, “Team Olsen” separated by a neat line in the middle.

“Are we really letting Nia take charge of our wedding venue?" She hears Alex whisper from where she has her tucked at the crook of her neck.

Kelly sneaks a glance at the chaos happening before their eyes; Brainy already claiming to be on Kelly’s team, J’onn shaking his head opting to be the game scorer instead and refusing to participate, somebody’s shouting about: NIA, DREAM PROJECTIONS AT CHARADES IS CHEATING!!!!

Guess this is their life now.

Kelly smirks, boops Alex on the nose and says, “Scared you’ll lose, Danvers?”

****

Alex loses by three points.

“How was I supposed to know you were gesturing 'Transformers'!?!” She barks at Kara, throwing her hands in exasperation.

“I pointed at Nia!” Kara huffs, incredulous at the fact that her sister is blaming her.

Nia lost them a point too!

“What does Nia even have to do with it???” Alex’s voice grows higher in pitch. Her brows furrow in a mix of confusion and frustration.

“Trans, Alex. Trans.”

“Oh my God,” Alex groans. “How are you this dumb?”

And that was the story of how Kelly got her dream wedding.

****

The frenzy finally dies down, some time between Nia making up another drinking game and J’onn making her sit back down. A movie that none of them were watching provides a background noise to the almost lazy atmosphere. Kelly and Alex were pressed close on the far end of the couch, enjoying the temporary quiet.

“Guess we’re getting married in the woods, huh?” Alex murmurs.

“I guess we are,” Kelly whispers back. Alex beams at her, grinning dopily at the thought of finally getting the ending they deserve. It would be the perfect day, she has no doubt about that. No matter where they are. It would be perfect because they got there together.

Alex can’t wait.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing.”

Alex continues to smile stupidly, nudges her nose to Kelly’s.

“Just— I don’t really care where we get married, I guess.”

“Oh yeah?” Kelly raises an amused brow at her.

“Mm-hm. So long as you’re the one walking down the aisle.”

Alex presses their lips together, breathes Kelly in deep and for the first time that night, she feels that the future isn’t so scary, even though there is still a very large possibility that she might trip over a tree root on her wedding day.

Somebody interrupts their kiss.

“She’s only saying that ‘cos she lost.”

“Shut up, Luthor.”

****

“Text me when you get home!”

Lena hears Kara call loudly after her sister, before closing the door. Game Night has officially ended and as usual she’s still here. She’ll always be here, she thinks for a brief moment. The thought holding more depth than it should.

Kara didn’t even question her when everybody began filing out and Lena just started picking up the discarded dirty plates and walking them to the sink. They’re well past the point of asking each other if the other would stay over.

It was already some unspoken rule.

Already well past the point of Lena wanting to ask Kara what the hell it is they’re doing.

She’s bent over the sink, scrubbing—Kara doesn’t own a dishwasher for the sole reason that she finds doing the dishes therapeutic—when Lena takes a glance over her shoulder.

Kara is sitting on a high stool near the counter, casually flicking through her phone. It was Lena’s turn to do the dishes tonight. Once upon a time her doing the dishes would have resulted in a fight. “I can superspeed the dishes. Why would you even want to do them?” A statement that would be met with an eye roll.

Kara has learned not to fight her on it again, after around the 7th time that Lena had stubbornly insisted and Supergirl got doused with dishwashing liquid.

And now, it’s become some sort of routine, Kara does the dishes after lunch and Lena does the dishes after dinner. Oh, how the paparazzi would kill for this—Lena Luthor Knows What A Sponge Is?

“Is it true when you told Alex you’re never going to get married?”

Kara decides to break their quiet.

“Yeah, pretty certain about that one, why?” Lena turns around, cocks a curious brow. If she’s being honest she’s beyond certain that she’s not going to get married. She always jokes about how she’s married to L-Corp but it isn’t till now that she realizes how true that is, and...how lonely.

“I don’t know,” Kara murmurs, not meeting Lena’s eyes. “I just like the idea of you getting married, I guess.”

“What?” Lena chuckles at that; genuinely confused but still curious.

“Well, I mean—” Kara wobbles through her words.

“I guess, I just— I like the idea of you walking down the aisle...in a white dress,” Kara muses.

Then, “Or a suit!!” she quickly amends. “If you wanna wear a suit, that is. That can totally be arranged, you know?” Kara waves her hand around and it’s like now that she’s started, she can’t stop.

And Lena’s just standing there, water still dripping from her elbow, unsure of how to feel about Kara imagining her getting married. Quite an incredulous scene isn’t it? Her getting married? What a crazy thing to say, an even crazier scenario to imagine!

She snaps out of it, realizing Kara’s still rambling.

“I have no objections whatsoever with that, if you wanna wear a suit. And yeah, you know? I just— I like that idea. I like the idea of you dancing to your wedding song. The idea of you exchanging your vows, the idea of you-”

“Kara,” Lena decides to put a stop to it, since it’s clearly evident Kara won’t be stopping any time soon. And Lena's feeling way too many things that she doesn’t want to feel at the moment. She’s sure that she’s going to feel more, if she doesn’t put a stop to it herself.

“I’m well aware that it’s the best friend’s job to help with the bride’s wedding,” She says, “but, darling don’t you think you’re putting just a bit too much effort into this? Certainly seems like you’ve thought about it a lot.”

At that, Kara’s cheeks turn a light pink, squirming sheepishly under Lena’s questioning gaze.

Shouldn’t Kara be thinking about her own wedding? How beautiful she would look walking down the aisle. How her blonde hair would look so nicely with her dress. How happy she would finally be after finding someone she could share her life with. Not that Lena's been thinking about those kinds of things. No, of course not. That’d be hypocritical of her at this point. Why would she even— Why were they even talking about this again???

Lena tries to rein in it, tries to focus on Kara again; hands finally finding a dry towel, hesitantly walking into Kara’s space to hear the blonde more clearly.

“Well, I mean- Like I said, I do really like the idea of you getting married,” Kara repeats herself slowly.

And before Lena can come any closer, “Like the idea of you getting married…to me. More specifically,” Kara adds more quietly.

“What?”

Lena stands frozen.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard y- Kara, did you just?”

Lena’s heart is pounding away in her chest. Did she hear her right? Did Kara really just—

Lena’s a step away from her and Kara uses this to her advantage. She pulls Lena closer, tugging at her wrist, the towel dropping from Lena’s hands. Kara summons enough willpower to stare into Lena’s eyes.

“I like the idea of you getting married to me, Lena Luthor.”

“Kara, I’m sorry- What?” Lena jerks away from her, the words finally landing.

“Is that a no?”

Kara lets her go. She can’t focus on Lena’s heartbeat to assess the situation more. Kara’s own heart is betraying her, drumming so loudly in her ears.

“Uh- no, that's definitely not a no?” says Lena hesitantly, eyes wide, breathing nervously. She turns away from Kara for a minute to take a breath, hands fidgeting about.

She whirls around again to face, mutters, “You do realize marriages are for people who are—”

She pauses.

How do you exactly phrase that wedding proposals are for people who are actually in some kind of romantic relationship? And not for people who casually stay over every goddamn Thursday without fail?And okay, maybe sometimes, in a much different reality, would willingly commit fratricide to save the other? And in an also much different reality, willingly expose a secret identity to save the other?

Lena can’t find the right words.

“Oh, I don’t know, Kara,” Lena scoffs, shaking her head disbelievingly. “Marriage is for people who are actually dating each other.”

Kara takes her sarcasm as a good sign and pulls her in again.

“Well,” Kara begins. She can hear Lena’s heart thumping erratically, now that Kara’s gotten her bearings.

“We can always have our first date after the wedding, right?”

Aren’t they well past the point of dating anyway?

She’s got Lena standing between her legs now, her hands wrapping around her waist.

“First date and honeymoon all in one. That sounds great, doesn’t it? I can fly you wherever you want, Paris, Maldives, hell I even have a Fortress in the Arctic, if you’re into that.”

Lena stares at her, blinks once, twice; shakes her head and lets out a noise between a laugh and a scoff.

“Kara Zor-El, you are one ridiculous woman,” She breathes, putting a hand on Kara’s cheek. Because what else is there to say? This whole conversation really is ridiculous. But at the same time Lena feels like she’s floating? Like this may be the best moment of her life, and of course, it’s going to be ridiculous. This is Kara she’s dealing with, after all.

She doesn’t know what she’s going to do if Kara reveals this to be just some sort of joke.

But the way her blue eyes are piercing through Lena’s, so earnest and so warm, argues otherwise.

“So, what do you say? Wanna get married?”

“Are you serious right now?” Lena asks, still unbelieving. This is beyond crazy. They’ve fought aliens and monsters and traveled through time but this? This is just beyond crazy.

“Lena, do I look like I’m joking? And besides, you’d already offered to pay for two weddings, why not pay for our two weddings, instead?”

She shakes her head again, let’s herself fall closer to Kara, lets out a laugh against her neck.

“Mm. You want a Kryptonian ceremony too?”

“Yeah.” Kara’s voice turns shy. “If that’s alright by you.”

“Of course, that’s alright by me. I’d be honored.”

Her heart feels more than full at the thought of Kara wanting to share that part of her with Lena. She’s always had some doubts whenever the topic of Kara’s Kryptonian heritage arises, always half-afraid she’s overstepped on something that isn’t hers.

But looks like there was nothing to fear all along.

“So, we’re getting married, huh?” Kara wiggles her brows, her face breaking into a wide grin.

“Yes. Mm-hm,” Lena hums against her. “I do. I’d marry you. Let’s get married.”

“Seal it with a kiss?"

****

“Hi.”

Lena blearily opens her eyes, follows the soft voice, her bare back being caressed by the sun filtering through Kara’s curtains.

“Hi,” She whispers back. All this feels much too like a fever dream. She’s half-tempted to pinch herself just to check. She’s woken up beside Kara a million times before but she’ll never get used to the sight of soft golden hair and sleepy blue eyes.

Kara gives her a soft peck and the feel of her lips sends Lena reeling.

The previous night was a whirlwind in her mind’s eye. The moment Lena murmured her 'Yes, please.', Kara kissed her passionately. Once they broke away, Kara had zipped around the apartment, Lena too dazed to even ask what it was Kara was looking for.

She watched as Kara tore off a keychain from one of her bags, curled the keyring to fit Lena’s finger and whispered, “This’ll do. For now.”

Kara had kissed her knuckles reverently, her lips making Lena’s blood sing in her veins. The feel of mangled metal fitted just for her left hand is an imprint on her soul. A promise of more to come.

They didn’t make it out of the kitchen the first time. Kara had lifted her by the waist and set her down on the kitchen counter. Which was a good thing, because Lena couldn’t feel her legs after.

They didn’t make it to the bedroom the second time either. She had tackled Kara onto the couch, pinning her wrists together, licking at the shell of Kara’s ear. “My turn now,” Lena had whispered. The way Kara shivered underneath her was enough of a reward. How long had they been waiting for this?

Flashes of last night had her hips bucking slightly unto Kara’s leg sandwiched between her own, but before it could escalate further...

“I have exciting news to share,” Kara tells her.

“Really?”

“Mm-hmm,” Kara hums, now nosing at Lena’s hair.

“What is it?” Lena asks.

“I’m getting married.”

“Oh you are?” Lena plays along.

“Yes. I’m getting married to my best friend,” whispers Kara, almost conspiratorially. “How cool is that?”

Kara looks giddy with excitement and Lena knows she’s mirroring that exact same expression right now.

“Mm. Very cool, darling.”

Kara giggles and they trade more lazy kisses before Lena breaks away to breathe.

“Quite a coincidence though,” Lena husks out against Kara’s lips.

“Oh really? Why?” Kara asks, tries to keep a serious neutral face despite her nose scrunching up in that cute smile that Lena can’t resist

“I’m also getting married,” Lena confides, “To my best friend," she adds, eyes flashing. "Isn’t that great?”

“Very great.” Kara nods slowly, blonde hair falling into her face, a hand running through dark tresses.

“I love you,” Lena whispers, her lips brushing Kara’s softly.

“I love you, too.” Kara kisses her harder then, her hands lazily wandering along Lena’s skin.

They lie there quietly for a few moments, basking in the morning glow and then, “Alex will kill us.”

Lena snorts, twists in the sheets and says, “I think your sister is too busy planning her wedding to even think about plotting our murder.”

read follow-up here.