#their adhd energy is RELENTLESS

[verycorrectlegomovie]

Sweet Mayhem: Yesterday I heard Emmet saying, "Are you sure this is a good idea?" and Benny and Unikitty replying, "Trust us". I have never moved from one room to another so fast in my life.

[thetrashbinseries]

— Fahrenheit ( bangchan x reader )

rated - mature | minors dni

parts - one, two (explicit)

warnings - idol universe, name changed idols, mature themes, drug use, alcohol use, sexual themes, mentions of mental illness, slight angst

x x x

“It’s not rocket science, Chris."

My annoyance hits the roof. What the hell is his problem? Why's he turning this into a damn soap opera?

"You're back in LA. New York—yes or no?"

Chris tiptoes the line ever since last year's scandal close shave. I get playing it safe, but I'm alone in a six-bedroom Jersey fortress. In the U.S. media game, I'm golden. No cancel threats, not yet in my rising career.

But the spotlight got hotter after the last single went viral. Chris, in the crosshairs of relentless management, dances a careful routine.

He's the big shot, leader of the world's hottest K-pop group. His company would shoot themselves in the foot by axing him. Yet, Mr. Libra doesn't dig rocking the boat.

"-I want to, babe, but it's too risky right now."

I sigh. Twisting my computer chair, neon lights bathe me in purples and reds. I'm in the studio, bullshitting on songs for the third album.

I've had it. "Catch you later, Chris." The call drops, facedown on the desk, anger swirling.

"Seriously, fuck you." I spit out, taking it personally.

Being a foreigner feels like the snag. His industry would call me a disgrace tagging along.

I don't need that energy.

Am I settling as his 'little secret'? I'm 29, he's 27 – grown folks. Pings remind me of him, but I silence the noise. Facetime interrupts, Jake, the friend with benefits. Games or busy, no time for emotional plays.

Warner signed my band, deep in commitments, mind racing. A shrink's gift? Adderall for my ADHD.

Now, even less time for the BS.

"Hey, daddy." I purr, thickening my accent.

Jake’s smile fades as he eyes me. "What?" I giggle,

"Stop playing with me like that, y/n."

"How am I playing with you?"

"You're gonna end up with your legs cocked back like last time, girl, cool it."

Laughter ensues. I glimpse his background – a parking garage stairwell. We catch up every couple of weeks via Facetime.

"Where are you at?" I squint.

"Recognize it?" Jake turns his phone, revealing the New York City skyline.

"You're out here? Aw, shit." I lean back in my chair, a half-cocked grin, tongue behind my lower lip.

"Aw, shit is right! What's up? What are you up to tonight?"

I chuckle, rolling my eyes. "Nah, uh, Jake. We gotta play nice. I got a good thing going on right now."

He sighs, exasperation audible. "You two still a thing? Thought you were photographed over there, outside the JYPE building?"

"I was."

"They ain't letting that fly, you serious, y/n?"

"I mean, they're being hard on him, but we're still trying to make it work." I express more hope than Chris does. Jake’s viewpoint is valid – he's been through the K-pop circuit, burned out, went solo, and found massive international success.

Which is why he bitches about it.

It's unfair.

"I do wanna see you, though," I admit, the need for an adventure kicking in.

"That's my girl. Hey, I'm about to hop in the car. Should be able to make it over in twenty. You at your spot in Jersey?"

"Yes, I am, Jake, but don't come in on no bullshit."

"I'm always on bullshit. See you in twenty."

Jake hangs up before I can fight back.

Why is my grin so wide? I roll my eyes at my own excitement, surprised at how genuinely thrilled I am to be around someone who wants to be with me. Scanning Chris's messages puts me in a better mood.

babydaddy: there’s no way you just hung up like that -_-

babydaddy: this is my life…my career…

babydaddy: why can't you be more patient?? this is hard for me too…

babydaddy: we need to talk tomorrow…

babydaddy: about us, and where this is going.

The last message triggers something in me. My stomach twists like it always does before bad news. It doesn't change, whether in poverty in my hometown or a small Jersey mansion. The same sunken gut reaction. We've been going back and forth, but this sounds... final. At some point, he'll grow sick of it. I know I have.

Yet, there's so much I love about Chris. Selfishly, I don't want him with anyone else. He's the man of my dreams, flawed as he is, he’s human. My human. I panic, feeling like my boat has sprung a leak, desperate to plug it somehow.

Knowing myself, I turn my phone upside down, placing it on my desk and stand up, distancing myself from the setting. Something else would trap me; all I want is not to reply to him with charged emotion. It wouldn't help anything.

Jake’s on his way over.

I take a deep breath, letting my anxiety settle. I'll talk to him; he always has good insight and wisdom beyond his years. I look at myself in the mirror. I'm in comfy mode, barefoot, walking across hardwood floors.

Entering the dimly lit kitchen, I brew hot chocolate, curling my toes against the balls of my feet, cracking knuckles as I chew my lower lip, mind drifting to Chris. Resistance is weaker now; the reasons to text back sound more convincing. I shake my head, trying to clear my mind, grab my cup, and sip as I walk past my bearded dragon's tank. It's late; he's asleep, tucked into his pink bed. I stare at each plant, trying to keep my thoughts in check.

My outdoor motion detection buzzes the smartwatch on my wrist, signaling someone's arrival. I glimpse headlights through my foyer. My grin widens; I bite my lip, urging myself to behave.

"Alexa, shuffle my evening playlist on Spotify, downstairs."

The nearest speaker obeys, filling the space with music. My dog scurries around my feet as the doorbell rings, and my bigger dog's deep barks echo throughout the house.

“Hey, cool it!" I shout at them, stepping over the little one weaving through my legs, nipping my ankles for some ungodly reason. I open the door, visibly exasperated, while my larger dog bellows from the top of the stairs.

Jake points to her behind me, furrowing his brows dramatically. "I thought we were friends!"

My dog hurls another final, loud bark before slowly making her way down the stairs. I let Jake in, lock the door, and he takes off his shoes, grabbing a disposable guest pair from the basket by the front door. I turn, starting down the hall, and Jake’s full body weight slams into me from behind, arms wrapping around my body, causing me to stumble. Seemingly unpredictably, he stops us from falling while laughing. I catch my footing, give him a firm shove, swipe stray hair behind my ear, and correct the other side, giving him a side-eye.

"Now, you know damn well I'm too clumsy for some stupid shit like that," I scoff, turning into the living room. I walk over to the glass coffee table near the sofa, grab the nearby gold electric candle lighter, tip it into the wide, three-wick candle, and light each of their blackened tips. The scents of apple-cinnamon, cedar, sandalwood, and vanilla fill the room, complemented by the warm orange glow of well-placed LED lights. I sit on the edge of the sofa, and Jake takes his favorite spot on the oversized black beanbag chair nearby. He pulls his hood off, followed by his knitted beanie, ruffling his dark brown hair.

I've got to say, Jake is a handsome guy, no doubt about it.

But I've got problems, and I've caught heavy feelings for one of my biggest headaches lately—Christopher Bang.

We're in this so deep, at least on my end.

I start to think a little harder, trying to see beyond the rose colored glasses for a moment. His text plays through my head as I scroll on my phone, my excuse being searching for another song to skip to on Spotify. But, of course, I get back to the messages Chris sent earlier.

"About us, and where this is going…"

We'd never had an official conversation about being exclusive. We met by chance, fell for each other, and started sneaking around together. I consider Chris my boyfriend, and I’m saved in his phone under ‘baby.' That's got to mean something, right?

The horror begins to set in—has this been a situationship this whole time? Is that why he never went public?

Anxiety creeps in.

"Yo," Jake snaps his fingers, waving his fingers. Damn, I must've been really distracted, crinkled brows as I stare into my phone, thumb tapping against the glass but not doing anything. I look up at him, raising my brows as if I had just briefly missed something he recently said.

"Hm?" I ask.

He's sitting up more, his left hand stroking one of my cats. "Talk to me, girl," he gestures to the marble ashtray with half of a joint, "And pass it."

I lean forward, grabbing the pink joint and placing it between my lips. I use the lighter nearby, sparking it, blowing a few times, the smoke thick and pungent, rising into the air. I tap it into the ashtray and lean over, passing it his way. Jake takes it graciously, placing it between the center of his pink lips and taking a big inhale. He holds it in, nodding, looking down at it as he blows the smoke out the side of his mouth.

"Chris and I got into it again. He told me they were coming to LA for a show over at KCON, and he was like 'maybe I can fly over to see you,' trying to fit it in, delaying his trip to Korea by like three days, which didn’t seem like a big deal. But then after everything ended, he was just hyper-aware of the attention on them and changed his mind," I begin to explain. Jake has taken a few hits during my story; he's leaning forward, passing me the joint again. I take it, hitting it.

"Did he say why?" he asks. Jake’s voice is low, even-toned. He’s invested in my story and the way I’m feeling, I can tell by the way his laser focus is on me as I speak. His eye contact is intense, fiery, the Aries in him.

"No, he didn’t, and that’s what frustrated me, so we got on a call tonight. He like—called me and was dancing around it, and I was like 'look, it’s not hard, are you coming to New York or not.' I was just... over it," I reply, pausing to take another hit before passing it to Jake once more. "He was all 'I want to, baby, but it's too risky.'” I mock his Aussie accent, and Jake can’t help the cough of smoke that comes out from trying to repress a laugh. He turns his head, full-on coughing a couple of times before he catches his breath again.

"Do you need water?" I ask, successfully holding back my own laugh. I don’t wait for his reply, instead, standing up and taking a few steps over to the mini-fridge and grabbing a bottle of spring water, handing it to him.

Plopping back down on the couch, I sigh. "So I didn’t even let him get the rest of it out. I was like 'ok, I’ll talk to you later' and like, hung up."

Jake places the burnt-out joint tip into the tray, effectively ending our puff-puff-pass session, making us both more relaxed and a little spacey. "Oof, y/n, this is... such a unique situation that very few people go through, and even fewer non-K-idols. I mean, I don’t agree with any of it, right? But it’s not me, and Chan, he’s in like–the peak of their career as a boy group, dude." Jake shakes his head, sitting back, my cat jumping from his lap, considering him having moved too much for his comfort.

"I don’t—care," I blurt.

Jake’s head drops back with a sigh before he picks it up again. "That’s probably part of the problem. Chan’s risking his career; Korea is no joke when it comes to this shit. I promise you, unless you’re physically in the industry as an idol over there, you have no idea. It’s so obsessive, and these companies, the management, they will not let you breathe, and the bigger you are—the tighter they hold onto you because there’s so much more to lose at that point."

He only leaves a half second of pause before he says, "I don’t think you’re compatible with—nor do you deserve, that kind of relationship with anyone."

Ouch.

It hurts that much more because—he’s right

"Now that doesn’t make Chan a bad person, or you a weak person. He’s got a right to this life he’s worked super hard to get to, and you’ve got a right to someone to love you the way you want to be loved, especially while you’re in the beginning stage of becoming great yourself. It’s a huge distraction—maybe not a relationship, but like, that kind of relationship."

I can do nothing but sigh, throwing my hands up and sitting back onto the couch, feeling, well, defeated. Can you blame me? It fucking sucks, the reality of it all that I was trying to avoid.

"Fuck," I finally say aloud.

Jake’s looking at me; I know he feels bad for breaking it down so plain, but he does it because he cares about me and wants the best for me, and I know that. “You still do what you want; it’s your life. Whatever you two decide is what you two decide, but that’s just—my limited experience.”

I scoff with a roll of my eyes, “Limited experience. Yeah ok.”

He laughs.

We both understand the subtext of the brief exchange.

“He says we need to talk tomorrow, about us and ‘where this is going’,” I say with air quotes.

“I mean, hey, it’s an opportunity to get your concerns out there, listen to his, and decide what’s best for you. He’ll decide what’s best for him. If that’s being together, great, if not, great. Either way, you’ll be ok. That’s how I like to see these kinds of things.” Jake says, his words profound and his perspective valuable to me. He leans forward, “We’ve known each other like what? Almost a year now?” I nod to confirm, and he continues, “In that short period of time, I can just—tell that you’re a strong person; you wouldn’t have gotten this far if you weren’t. If you ever need someone to talk to, my line is always open.”

I let another long breath go before laying across the sofa on my stomach, bringing myself closer to Jake as I lazily hug a pillow, resting my chin atop it. His advice is logged in my thoughts. I really don’t want to talk about it anymore—the way he phrased it did something to lower my anxiety so I was going to let sleeping dogs lie. “What about you, huh? What’s got you on the East Coast? You’re never over here, rarely in America anymore for real.”

“Yeah, I’ve been—busy, but it’s a blessing, you know? I’m so grateful that so many people support me, as a solo artist, doing my own thing, my way.” Jake never fails to acknowledge those around him that have supported him, and keeps himself grounded and humble somehow through being an international celebrity. “But I was at the Versace show over in Soho. I’ve got a couple of other shows to see for New York Fashion Week, but I touched down and had to come see you.”

I lift a brow. “I’m not gonna fuck you, Jake.”

Without hesitation, he fires back, “I’m not asking you to, y/n.”

It’s enough to drag a snort from me.

He laughs, “The hotels get lonely, and most places I go, I don’t know anyone. I like it here; you’ve done a lot since the last time I was here.” Jake looks around at the decor. He points to a painting of a cat skeleton on a black canvas. “That’s new, I like it.” He says.

“Yeah? I do too; it’s simple but it matches the vibe of the space, I found it by accident one day.”

When Jake says the hotels are lonely, I believe him. He often confides in me about how lonely his lifestyle can be and how it can drive him so crazy that he’ll call everyone through his phone until someone answers, and when that person hangs up, he’ll keep going. More often than not, he doesn’t have anyone to call, despite my insisting that I was an option. Some nights, when it gets really bad, he’ll have a tendency towards drinking, which is something I don’t like, and we’ve talked about ad nauseam. Of course, he’s always welcome in my safe spaces.

“So what’s new with the band? When you texted me the other day, you had like, tons of shit going on that you were freaking out about.” Jake cracks open the bottle of water, taking a gulp.

“I’m flying out to LA next week for a couple of events, but we’re like focused on album three right now; I’ve been locked in the studio just writing.”

“Ok, ok, you got anything for me to hear yet?” He seems to perk up to ask this question.

“Eh, nothing I’m ready to show or anything, just fragments of songs right now. The label is really pushing the work we did with album two to build the hype up for album three, and that’s the one they funded.” I kick my feet slowly in the air behind me as I talk.

“We should do a song together.” Jake says, quite suddenly. He can tell I’m taken aback. I mean, creatively, Jake and I get along great, but we had never discussed merging on a record before. “An official song, I think it could sound incredible.”

I immediately want to agree, of course, but I have a couple of hurdles I know I need to jump now that I’ve gotten to this point in my career. I hated that. I used to be able to agree to a collaboration immediately. But Jake had even more hoops to jump through; he couldn’t commit to something official now either.

So why was he proposing it?

“I gotta ask the label—”

“Fuck the label, dude.” Jake waves his hand, “They don’t have to know anything, not yet. We’ll just work together and see what happens. Whaddya say?”

It takes no thought for me to reply,

“Let’s do it.”

—

Jake wore me down enough to bring him down into the studio, insisting he didn't have anything important to do until tomorrow evening. I don't want to encourage his drinking, but when he spots the whiskey decanter, he gestures to it as I sit down in the main chair in front of the soundboard.

"What’s in there? Hennessy?" He answers his own question as I spin around in the chair to see what he’s talking about. He’s already over at the mini bar, opening it up and whiffing.

"Yeah, but I rarely drink it. I got it for guests." I turn towards my soundboard again, powering it up and waiting for the two large screens to load. I add another thought to the end of my sentence, albeit, to myself. Not like I have guests anyway.

Jake comes over with a glass, the brown liquor sloshing around as he tilts it in my direction. I roll my eyes, taking it, and he’s already got his glass, which he holds out for a toast.

"To the music," Jake says.

"The music." I oblige, clinking his glass and taking my gulp down a lot less gracefully than he does his, before he pours up another for himself. "Don’t overdo it; you’re gonna have a nasty hangover, and I won’t be the one to blame for it." I press a few buttons, and the house lights lower, back to the blue and purple hue I was sitting in earlier.

"I am a grown man that knows my limits." Jake states, matter-of-factly. He sits in the rolling chair at the table alongside me, pulling himself up to the soundboard and sitting back in his chair, sipping his drink as his eyes dance across the screens while I click around, pulling up my digital audio workstation of choice.

I point to the keyboard nearest to him, "Press a key for me?" He does, confirming it's connected and functional, the note ringing out through the monitors.

"Aw yeah." Jake sits up, setting his glass down on the designated cupholder space on the edge of the mixing table as he places both hands on the keys, beginning to fiddle with the limited random keys and chords he had learned how to play while being forced to learn as a trainee. "Damn, it’s been so long." He says, a half smile on his face. I can tell he’s reminiscing, I just can’t tell if it’s good or bad. "You’re so lucky to have control over your music, you know that?" He says, looking over at me before focusing back on the instrument again, slender fingers of his right hand climbing up the keys.

"I don’t really have total control, not anymore. Not sure I ever did." I say with a sigh. "It’s always been like—an Eli and me thing, not just a ‘me’ thing. I just get a little more attention because I’m the one out front, singing." I continue to explain. Jake’s stopped playing, instead choosing to lean in his chair and eye me over the top of his glass as he sips, listening to me with an empathetic nod. "Now with a major label involved, there are so many other factors now."

"You get the final say though, right?"

"Well, yeah, I guess I do." I say with uncertainty, not because it isn’t true, but because it still feels like the decisions I make have to be based on what everyone else thinks is best for us. If I vehemently object, I’m persuaded down to the decisions of others. Sometimes, it feels like I’m being gaslit. But I don’t have much time to ruminate on that, since everything is moving forward at top speed.

"Guess it’s complicated?" Jake concedes.

I nod.

"Girl, you got it," Jake croons in his gruff voice, eyes closed, fingers snapping to start a rhythm. "And I know it, baby, why don’t you?”

I nod, sliding him away from the keys as I hit some chords to match his singing. Unsure if it's a freestyle or something pre-written, I catch the composition unfolding. Music flows through me effortlessly—my natural talent that's brought me this far. It didn't happen overnight, but creating is the part of music that feels like pure joy, a distraction from all the BS.

Soon, we're vibing out a hook, laughing for hours, blending funk with '90s groove, a nostalgic fusion. My phone rings, freezing me in place. The weight of unresolved problems crashes over me. Jake senses it; I bolt before he protests. His eyes speak understanding; he knows when to let me deal with my demons. I answer the phone, attempting to steady my voice.

“Hello?”

“You answered.”

It’s Chris.

His voice is tired, ironic, as if he couldn’t believe it himself but didn’t care.

It irritates me. Why call back so soon if compromise isn't on the table?

“I just called to say, that I’ll be there in about four hours.”

A lump forms in my throat; I glance around for a clock. Holed up in the studio with Jake, time escaped me.

“But you said—“

‘First class, you are now welcome to pre-board flight 917 to Newark, First class, you are now welcome to pre-board flight 917 to Newark.’

“I gotta go, but I’ll see you in a few, yeah?”

“Y-yeah.”

The phone beeps, leaving me in stunned silence. The studio's muted song hums in the background. I'm not ready to face it yet, still figuring out what this sudden visit means.

“Said I wouldn’t do this.” I mutter, pressing my fists against my forehead, heaving a frustrated sigh. I vowed not to let another man stir my emotions, yet here I am—almost having a meltdown. But my feelings are valid. No explanation after a heated argument, and suddenly he's on his way here?

Maybe he got another perspective from the members or his friends. Maybe he thought about it. Either way, he'll be here in four hours. We can hash it out then.

I muster the calm to return to the studio. Jake sits back, his chair turning towards me. “Well?”

I plop onto the nearby sofa. “He’s boarding a flight here now, said he’ll be here in four hours.”

Jake’s brows lift in surprise. “See? I told you…this was going to push you two in some direction it needed to go. Four hours? My man, okay BangChan!” Jake laughs, toasting with his glass. “So I added some drums, check it out.” He plays the track; the groove multiplies.

“You added that part too?” I notice another musical flair, and he nods proudly. After a few seconds, he turns it off, a slow fade of the volume knob.

“I think that’s enough for me to work with for now, what do you think?”

"The skeleton is definitely there, but what about more instruments?" I question. Jake pushes his chair back, picks up his hoodie, slipping it on as he stands up.

“It’s enough to write to; we can come back to it; if Chan’s on his way here, the last thing he needs is to see another guy here late night.” He slips on his shades, his phone reflected in them as he orders an Uber Black. I didn't think he cared like this, feeling closer to him; he did what he felt was best. I was freaking out about how to get him out in time, and Jake took the initiative.

A relieved sigh escapes me. “I owe you.”

“Absolutely nothing. You don’t owe me anything, sweetheart. I had a good time here tonight.” He tucks his phone in his jacket pocket. “Twelve minutes.”

I nod. “Follow me upstairs, I made some cookies yesterday; you can take some with you.”

“Ooh what kind?”

“Chocolate chip.”

“A classic.”

[freesia-writes]

Lil Life Update for Y'all <3

I've been a lil cryptic or back-n-forth, I think, and just wanted to share a little bit about what's been going on. I say it's not for attention but who knows what motives lurk under there, LOL. It's mostly because I love you all and want to let you in, also hope that it's encouraging or connective for anyone else who's experienced the same, and also I just miss the community I have sooooo loved here. 🥹

I'm a 34yo female with 2 kids aged 4 and 7. I had depression like crazy during and after my second pregnancy especially. In Aug 2021, my primary doc suggested I try something like Zoloft since I'd been complaining of irritability, no capacity, constant worry, and other anxiety symptoms. When I did feel some relief and felt encouraged that I could "feel like myself" again, I pursued solutions for other issues I was noticing. Over the last year and a half, it's been quite a ride. ADHD symptoms led to Adderall for 4 days, then Wellbutrin for a few months, then Buspar for a few months, then Strattera (tapering up and then back down) for about 3 months, then Ritalin for 1 month, which I thought was helping until we realized that the entire month of October was basically an increasingly manic episode.

Whew.

We're talkin 2007 Britney here (ok I didn't shave it but I cut my hair off into a pixie). Spent thousands on a new wardrobe of the "dark academia" style. Bought Disneyland tickets. Invested in a photography mentorship. So much energy and inspiration. Then we realized it was getting out of hand.

I had also been tapering off a lot of the meds over the last two months, so it was just a crazy cocktail of chemicals that made my brain finally go kaput. I finished the last dose of Zoloft on November 5th, and that was the last of the meds, so now I'm off everything. My therapist thought the mania was medication-induced due to all the changes plus the addition of the stimulant, so the goal was to try to allow everything to settle down and see what "baseline" is for me right now.

And it has been frickin HARD.

Cervical vertigo. All-or-nothing sleep and appetite. Extreme sensory sensitivity. Random itchiness. Racing mind. Total inability to focus. And the worst part has been the mood swings.

I'm basically having all the symptoms of bipolar disorder in a rapid-cycle format. It may be cyclothymia, or it may be the withdrawal effects from all the meds, but regardless... It's been quite the roller coaster. The nerd in me has been fascinated by the experiential knowledge of it all, since I majored in Psychology and have always loved learning about it, but the overall negative effects on me and my family have been difficult.

I'm someone who has always relied completely on being highly capable and in control. I find my worth in my productivity and competence. And it has caused increasing stress throughout my life. I've been praying for years that God would break me of it, and I can see how he is using this to do precisely that -- lovingly trying to answer my request to be freed of this relentless pursuit of the illusion of control. He's inviting me to simple, joyful life of trust. The perspective shift is so freeing when I realize that I don't need to have it all figured out because he already does, and I can just rest in his loving guidance and look to him for the next step instead of trying to plan out every possible outcome and strategy. I went on a reflective retreat in the Santa Cruz mountains and just felt so encouraged and loved in the way he invited me to let my shoulders down and to ground myself in his warm provision and care.

But the change doesn't happen overnight.

So in the middle of a total storm of bipolar symptoms -- days of mania followed by days of depressive episodes and being so new at it all that I don't know how to navigate "normal life" with all of that -- I'm also trying to rewire 34 years' worth of the way I think and act. BUT it's a blessedly simple process: the only thing I have to worry about is this moment. I can't affect the future or the past. So all I have is right now, and I can turn to God for guidance, encouragement, insight, or anything I need in this moment, and he is so faithful to give it. But man, it's easy to forget. ;)

Literally me with that right now, trying to figure it all out on my own before I remember I can't and don't need to:

Anyway, this got LONG, surprise surprise, but I've always enjoyed being vulnerable for the sake of connection and potential encouragement. And selfishly, I'd LOVE to hear from any of you who may have had similar experiences. Right now the fixation of my [very limited] capacity is on my photography business, but I've been feeling drawn to writing more and more, and have attempted a lil drabble here and there. So I'm just patiently waiting for the inspiration to return. :)

I have so appreciated the love from you all. I also haven't been as active with reading/reblogging/supporting/etc as I was, and that's just where I'm at right now, but please know that my heart is with you even if my brain is not, LOL.

If you made it this far, you get a gold star. Or a Howzer hug. Or somethin. :)

[carrot-felisidad]

VOTE FIRST BEFORE READING BELOW. REACH INTO YOUR HEART AND VOTE FOR WHAT YOU REALLY WANT!

Warning: I chose violence everyday and I'm your passive aggressive friend who cares for you.

I'm giving you White Head Ribbon because... My girl, my boy, my enby baby, my bothsie, treat this as a wake up call. You need restraint. You need to start creating a list of principles that you think would turn you into your dream self, and stop doing things based on short term pleasure. I know I can't stop you for most as you have ADHD and/or autism, but the more you cater to your short term whims, the more you hate yourself. You also need the silence and peace in the cloud recesses. You may not know it, but your soul has been craving for some alone time. Seclude yourself in Hanshi if you want, just let your soul rest for a while.

I'm giving you a clarity bell because... You've been empathizing with people for so long that I wish for you to get out of the muddy puddle that is other people's problem and get back to your own energy. My sad baby empath... it's okay to say no. You've been in the Empathy ritual for so long, and a lot of people have been telling you to get out of it, the friend that you have been empathizing with is long dead, just a walking corpse who only see you as a free therapist, nothing else. They don't even want to change. You need this bell, boo. Clang clang clang or whatever.

I'm giving you a Vermillion Mark because... I want you to be proud of yourself for once. Acknowledge your hard work and credentials, stop brushing them off as "only", because I need you to bag that promotion and/or RESPECT FROM EVERYBODY, as what you deserve. Oh, you think you're not actually that good? Your achievements are nothing?? Well, I want you to get over your imposter syndrome because Su She was out there creating his own sect by being a pretentious wannabe!!! He has no skills and is only a steve jobs fanatic! You?! You have real skills. Wear this vermillion mark and show them! Jin Ling was bullied all his life by mere nobodies but he knew from day one that he's the GOAT. And always remember that you have someone who will fight alongside you, who will break their legs if they hurt you.

I'm giving you a Fan with Paintings in it because... I want you to follow your dreams. You may be raised in a family or culture where you are assumed to follow a certain path. Be relentless that you are living your life. The point of life is to be enjoyed, not to be someone else's puppet, ain't no way! And don't worry about where your life will lead you. You are smart and scheming, you know your subject. You will lead a fruitful life wherever you go. Stop living your life to get someone else's validation. Actually do things that make you happy. You deserve a life worth living.

I'm giving you a Bamboo Flute because... You need to practice necromancy, lol. Use the dead for your own goals... Stop a war or plant some vegetbales... Haha i think, um, idk the agressiv spirit guide who was ghost writing through me just fled to get some pizza she ain't coming back haha. Research about shadow work (it's an actuall clinical thingy) and rise above the challenges. Come back with the coolest fashion statement. Stop being a people pleaser and start being an feared entity. OVERCOME YOUR MEASLY HUNAN CONDITIONS AND BECOME A DEMONIC CULTIVATIR! Wei Wuxian did not die and came back to life to orove nothing!

[megaawkwardhuman]

hello hi hey I'm icarus (but I'm also fine with virgo) and welcome to my blog!

idkf how you got here but uhhh congrats?

also sorry if parts of the gif look weird idfk how to fix it

I'm a neurodivergent artist who talks about gay vampires (wwdits) a lot!

I do have other interests tho like ofmd, good omens, hannibal, re-animator, interview with the vampire, watcher, the band ghost, the world of mr plant, and south park (it's just that wwdits is just what I think about the most)

things I've made:

I've written a few fic before and one can be found on my blog! it's a post season 4 nandermo fic and here's a link if you wanna check it out :)

as for the rest can be found on my ao3 here! (I'm not going to move the post season 4 fic there mainly cause idk if I really wanna)

I made a uquiz a few months ago that basically tells you what you would be if you where in the wwdits universe (a vampire, a familiar. an energy vampire etc)

I have an instagram that I just post my art to and that's really it

things I like to make:

as you can probably gather by now I primarily do pixel art but I also like to doodle/sketch with good old pencil and paper

I make a LOT of kandi (primarily singles) buuut I don't really post it on here (I mean unless someone asks me to I'm more than willing to share)

I kinda write? like I've written fics before and I DO have a bunch of wips but it's kinda hard for me to finish a fic due to the fact that I get distracted easily and the fact that I'm really dyslexic (you have no idea how badly I wanna fist fight the english language in a denny's parking lot at 3am)

oh while it's not a medium or anything but I'd like to mention I LOVE to draw characters from the media I like as pastel bunnies! (tho at this current moment it's primarily wwdits characters I draw) is it weird? yeah but I like to so I'm not stopping anytime soon if you want a rough explanation as to why I made a long post about it

fav characters:

guillermo de la cruz from wwdits (seriously I'm fucking feral for this man he's my top blorbo atm! he has my gender in a chokehold and I relate to him A LOT also harvey guillen is just really fucking hot-)

nandor the relentless also from wwdits (not as crazy about him but like he fascinates me and I love his goofy cringefail vibes... HE'S ALSO REALLY HOT-)

dib from invader zim (while I haven't watched invader zim in a while I still consider dib to be a fav! hell he's my fucking profile pic. he's one of the first ever characters in something I've seen that I've related to)

stede from ofmd (he's a huge fucking mood and I too jump into things head first without any plans whatsoever)

argos from twomp (a new addition to my fav character list since I stumbled upon twomp more recently. idk I just like him like go googly eye man date that murderous plant dude! wow that must sound weird to those who don't know what the world of mr plant is XD. it also might have to do with the fact that he's kinda socially awkward)

mr plant from twomp (another new addition. idfk something about that murderous plant I find oddly relatable? I think it's the fact that he's also socially awkward. arguably more than argos)

herbert west from re-animator (idk I think this autistic man with no care for ethics is neat)

I have more but for now those are the ones I'm gonna list :)

other shit:

as I've already said I have dyslexia, I possibly have ADHD (never officially diagnosed buuuuut really fucking confident I do and a past therapist said I most likely do), I keep running into situations where I question if I have autism or not so take that as you will, and despite what it may seem I have really REALLY bad social anxiety (well I have overall anxiety too but let's just say there's a reason I spend a lot of time online and not out and about)

asks as you can already tell are open

DMs are also open (tho I will say it's mainly to mutuals)

WARNING I KEYBOARD SMASH A LOT!

nandermo shipper but I'm fine with other ships involving the two :)

overall I try to be nice on here cuz there's enough negativity out there why add to it? tho key word here is try (I've gone on small rants here before and there's the possibility I will again)

I really REALLY fucking love bats and frogs THEY'RE JUST LITTLE GUYS HOW CAN I NOT?

there will be moments where for one reason or another (sleep deprived, sad, bored, it's a tueday, etc etc) I'll be reminded that oh yeah I fucking love frogs and will just start spam reblogging frog posts so be warned if you see me reblog a frog photo and read the words frog blogging or frog posting in the tags run while you still can (or don't cuz frogs are the best and need to be loved and cherished)

tag stuff:

misc thoughts/ideas/this tag is mainly random shit: throwing up my thoughts onto tumblr again

theories/meta/looking too much into small stuff: word garbage™

answering asks: answering stuff

my art: *funny tag for my art*

bunny art related posts: bun stuff

mothman memo related posts: mothman memo stuff

fanfics I've written: gather around and lend me your time

edits I've made: edit shmedit

memes I've made: brought to you by ms paint

show + tags thing: + tags

all the weekly wwdits sparkle on images: sparkle on it's gay vamp day!!!

posts that involve irl friends of mine: friend chaos

follow for a fuck ton of reblogs, art, and long tangents about whatever takes over my mind atm

thanks for reading, have a nice day, and remember: baby bats are called pups

this has nothing to do with this post I just thought this was important info plus I just wanted to throw in this cute bat image I found on google

[skyriderwednesday]

My friend was an enthusiastic musician, being himself not only a very capable performer, but a composer of no ordinary merit. All the afternoon he sat in the stalls wrapped in the most perfect happiness, gently waving his long thin fingers in time to the music, while his gently smiling face and his languid dreamy eyes were as unlike those of Holmes the sleuth-hound; Holmes the relentless, keen-witted, ready-handed criminal agent, as it was possible to conceive. In his singular character the dual nature alternately asserted itself, and his extreme exactness and astuteness represented, as I have often thought, the reaction against the poetic and contemplative mood which occasionally predominated in him. The swing of his nature took him from extreme languor to devouring energy; and, as I knew well, he was never so truly formidable as when, for days on end, he had been lounging in his armchair amid his improvisations and his black-letter editions. Then it was that the lust of the chase would suddenly come upon him, and that his brilliant reasoning power would rise to the level of intuition, until those who were unacquainted with his methods would look askance at him as on a man whose knowledge was not that of other mortals. When I saw him that afternoon so enwrapped in the music at St. James’s Hall I felt that an evil time might be coming upon those whom he had set himself to hunt down.

My interpretation of Holmes's behaviour usually goes heavily towards autism and ADHD, but it's this passage (and several others) that make me curious as to reading him as having bipolar disorder. I'd hesitate to deliberately try to write him in that way, since I have no personal experience with it, but I can definitely find evidence to support that in the text. The description of him alternating between 'extreme languor' and 'devouring energy' especially sounds like depressive and manic episodes.

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

wip wednesday<3

damn the weeks are going fast.

finally ran out of other writing wips, so heres two chunks of the Conficcare getting the shit beaten outta him fic<3 ft him using his stand to make a guy punch themselves in the face.

warnings for: bad medical/latin joke, mild violence, swearing, description of celia kicking the shit out of someone in the past, and adhd run on sentences. [btw muro is celias other name/alterego]

-

“The fuck you smiling at?” He has to try so hard to avoid rolling his eyes, the words echoing through his memories, though most of those memories consisted of harder and tougher wankers than this shite for brains in front of him.

Gravel bites at his back, piercing thin fabric, embedding itself and scraping as he's shoved against the alley wall. 

Unfortunately, these fuckheads were evidently too damn dim to realize the danger that lay in store. After all, you need something between your ears to process sound, and he’s diagnosing these thugs with a severe case of ‘vacuus cranius’- and he will be ever so gracious and give them free treatment.

Dry lips mouthed the magic words, “Boxing Clever,” as his face returned to grinning, teeth flashing, the corners of his mouth stretched unnaturally wide.

-

How the times change. Just a few years ago, it was swaggering wankers like these that would suffer a good bashing from C- Muros boots. Ribs cracking and skin turning purple under his relentless assaults, no time to fight back when he gets them to the ground and prone so quickly, nothing they can do except curl up and try and protect their heads- a futile move, just drawing his ire and boot towards whatever they tried to cover. 

Those were the days, when he hid behind he- him, behind them, when he was the weedy voice that told them of whispered rebellion, of under the breath insults. 

But now, now he could stand on his own, as his own man, not just a suck up and voice in the ear. Now- now he was able to defend himself. His cool fingers grip eerily cold metal even tighter.

His muscles contract and loosen, the cold metal in his hand arching into the neck of the leader- and more muscles contract, blue energy taking over from electrical- changing it- the satisfying thud of well worn knuckles connecting with cartilage, the confused cry of someone who just punched themselves in the face, and the dripping of blood escaping from damaged nasal tissue.

He's out of practice, giving himself a split second to admire his handiwork, a split second in which pain blooms in his abdomen as the other fist finds its way to his gut, his back further shoved against the wall. He knows he's gonna have killer scrapes all over, and his top will be barely fit for rags.

Stupid mistake on his part, someone swaggering around on these streets isn't gonna be incapacitated by just a broken nose, he of all people should know- and he of all people should know not to let his thoughts run as hes getting beaten on but well he's never been good at taking anyone's advice let alone his own, cant trust that shifty asshole- ow.

[recipesonabudget]

Depression meals: can they be good and comforting?

So, this is going to be a bit of a long post and I hope this is helpful to someone.

We know that sometimes we really don't have the energy to go and actually make a proper meal, but regardless we are all worthy of love and of a comforting meal. We are after all battling against a relentless enemy and especially because of this we should be properly nourished.

I am not going to waste time with useless tips, but I am going to delve immediately into the details.

First of all I would say to invest in a good freezer. A lot of shops have pre-made frozen meals that you can store and chuck in the microwave whenever you feel hungry. Not only that, if/when you have enough spoons you can prepare stuff and store it in containers.

I currently have stuff like:

Soup

Pasta

Frozen vegs (the ADHD tax 😓)

Chicken nuggets

Fish fingers

Frozen gyoza (I love them to bits)

Fries/chips

It's ok if you don't prepare from scratch, sometimes we are all very low on spoons/energy and really. Never feel guilty about not doing it from scratch, it's ok. Food is food and if this is what makes you eat there is nothing wrong.

If you have a little bit of money on the side I would invest on an air fryer, really, best gift ever from my MIL, it cooks pretty much anything and consumes less time and energy than an oven, although if you are steaming veggies pouches pls use the microwave, the air fryer makes them a little too dry for my taste.

Anyway, now that I have made this little premise, this is a non-comprehensive list of comforting depression meals that I have made.

SOUP

Grab a bag of instant soup, put its content in a bowl, pour boiling water on it, stir well and add a slice of bread. It literally takes 3 minutes top.

GYOZA NOODLES

You will need frozen gyoza and instant noodles. Prepare the noodles as per package (usually pour some boiling water on them and let them stand for 5 mins. Prepare the gyoza as per package (put them in a bowl, pour cold water over them and microwave for 3-4 mins). Pour the gyoza and the water in the noodles.

TUNA SALADS

No need to prepare much here, they come already prepared with tuna, pasta and veggies. They can be found fairly everywhere, below an example

CHICKEN NUGGETS

Take a frozen package of nuggets, chuck them in the air fryer (or the oven), let them cook and then enjoy. If you want to add some veggies just microwave one of the steam bags, add some salt and you are good to go.

FISH FINGERS

Same preparation as the nuggets.

***

I will add more as I recall them, but hope you have something a bit more comforting and hope this could help you.

[theminecraftbox]

Just thinking about the fact that CC!Dream has ADHD, and if that is the same in canon, that would mean that Pandora is even worse. I know ADHD is a spectrum, but as someone who has it, sitting in a room for even just a few minutes with only empty books to keep me entertained would already be torturous. Add in all the other factors and it’s hell. Again, I don’t know the specifics of CC!Dream’s ADHD, but do you think that could’ve been, for want if a better phrase, a factor?

/dsmp rp

I swear I answered something nearly identical to this months ago but I can’t find it because tumblr’s search function is dreadful :(

But basically, yeah, it breaks my heart to think about how Dream is always moving, always restless, and how he has Nothing to do, Nothing to keep his brain from buzzing in relentless, restless spirals.

No energy to keep moving. No people to talk to except for the men who hurt him. No plan to enact except the same old one he’s waiting on (and waiting and waiting and waiting), and the new plan, the plan he obsesses over every single day of this new normal: how do I make them stop make them do less to me, how do I convince Sam to feed me, how do I convince Quackity to let me keep my limbs, how do I survive this.

[bedknees]

I see ur kind of back in the eene fandom. Favorite and least favorite headcanons about the Ed's if your feeling up to it?

Lol hi. And yeah I'm here. Arcane has had such a relentless chokehold on my brain for the past year and a half and it's finally loosening it's grip (inb4 inevitable Season 2 promo shit lmao).

HCs for the Eds? Let's goooo-

HCs I like:

Ed

-I like the HC he has ADHD. It fits him well and has direct canon evidence. As an ADHDer, he fits a lot of the basic stereotypes.

-The kinda popular fandom idea that he will be involved in the filming or general crew of B-tier horror movies when he's an adult. Career path is honestly among the most likely. Can also dig him being an Art Bell-esque radio or podcast host of weird conspiracy stuff.

-Love when he's paired with May. I feel that they'd be the only Ed/Kanker combo that'd work imho.

-Even though he's a fun loving character at heart, I like the idea that we see more of that serious and angry side he showed in Little Ed Blue and BPS. Like as he gets older and more seasoned he learns to stand up for himself more. Not his default at all, but learns to put up with less shit.

-I don't see him caring much about gender or sexuality. I don't ever see him labeling himself or thinking much about it, but I also don't see him as fully straight or cis.

-Can see him really being into Astrology and star charts. He probably has an Ancient Aliens phase 😆

Edd

-Like to think he starts taking college classes in his Junior or Senior year of high-school. Probably gets offers from Ivy-League schools, picking not the one he wants to go to the most, but the one that leaves him closest to home.

-I think it was @eddbedandeddy that came up with the idea that he has trichotillomania, where one pulls out clumps of hair as a very maladaptive nervous habit. Love this and I fully support the HC that it's why he wears his hat.

-Dig the idea he goes on to become a doctor of some sort.

-Is a really bad cook. Underseasons and overcooks a LOT. Usually keeps it to cup noodles, sandwiches, or takeout if the responsibility falls on him.

-Definitely has big bi or pan energy.

-Though he can't cook, Edd is very good with gardening and plants in general. Super good at keeping them healthy and cultivating them.

-Mellows out a bit when he gets older. Still a tad neurotic but not a full blown nervous wreck.

Eddy

(So warning: Eddy is my favoritest, most special little guy(TM) so there is a little bias for how many HCs I have for him compared to the others. Sorry lol.)

-It's funny when you think about it, because in terms of Eddy's personality after BPS it's actually pretty nebulous to nail down. Despite being one of the brashest, most outspoken characters he's actually the most mysterious when it comes down to who he truly is. He hid behind a facade for the majority of the show's runtime, after all, so what he truly is like underneath that leaves a lot up to the imagination.

-HOWEVER, I HC Eddy returning to his Season 1 and early Season 2 personality after BPS, with a decent amount of self reflection and maturity tacked on. I think how he acted in Season 1 is the closest to who he really is at the core. A good example of how I see Eddy (as a teenager, at least), is that he would share a lot of traits with Amethyst from Steven Universe, I guess? Closest example I can think of, tbh.

-He's closeted gay kid. Home of sexual. 👬🏳️‍🌈🌈 I used to see him as a bi, but rewatches changed my mind a lot. (Part of it is that he's always been my favorite and I was projecting tbh.) It takes him till his mid-to-late teens to start to accept it.

-Excellent cook. His mom's side is 100% Italian in my personal HC and she and her side bestowed a ton of culinary knowledge on him from old family recipes etc.

-Piggybacking off this, I see Eddy being a line cook for quite a while if not as his staple career. I can also see him doing car sales and bartending and even working at a deli. Bounces around jobs a lot, but always is employed in some way or the other.

-He loves baking and is very good at it. Don't give him shit about it or he will cry in private.

-Eddy is ADHD like Ed, but on the more impulsive and moody side of the large spectrum ADHD consists of. He also is bipolar af.

-Is heavily into music in general, especially as he gets older. He also has a penchant for musicals and Broadway, but he WILL get defensive if you tease him for it. But yeah, music is his biggest hobby and interest by far.

HCs I don't like:

Ed

-That he's too stupid to live. Leave him alone, he's dim but functional.

-The idea he can't function independently from Edd and Eddy. He absolutely can and is his own person!

-When fanfics or works in general make Eddy and Edd act like parents to him. He's their equal 👏

-Anytime he's explicitly third-wheeled when Edd and Eddy are paired. You absolutely can write the former two paired up without excluding him.

Edd

-When the fandom makes him an uwu softboy. Stfu. He's a little asshole with a smart mouth and a truckload of sass. Erasing that makes him so BORING 😴

-The HC that he will 'outgrow' Eddy and Ed and move on from them. He's right where he belongs and they complete each other. Stop.

Eddy

-Where do I begin? Firstly, him acting the same exact way as he does in the show after what happened in BPS. The entire movie was explicitly about Eddy becoming a better person and learning his lesson. At least show some growth.

-Him becoming an even more ruthless and corrupt scammer as an adult. Paired with the above point, but still.

-Any HCs that he's heterosexual 🤢

-MAKING HIM TALL.

-Fanart that makes him skinny.

I could go on but those are the main ones. Ty anon!

[notquiteaghost]

went to sainsburys on my way home today & bought two 900ml bottles of lucozade, a jar of insant coffee, a four pack of relentless energy drinks, and a box of instant coffee sachets.... gosh golly i wonder if i know anyone self-medicating their adhd

(it's me) (and my partner) (we are going to get heart arrhythmias)

[miss-conjayniality]

SEVERE beyoncé post-concert depression………and hyperfixation…………

it’s been a while since i’ve seen beyonce (not stating which city for confidential purposes…but it WAS sometime within the last month). and BOYYY OH BOYYY i cant stress HOW MUCH I MISS HER 😢😢😢 THIS HURTS SOOO BAD! the hyperfixation is still ongoing. adhd go BRRR OHHH MY GOD!!! IF I COULD, I’D TOTALLY FLY TO TEXAS/NOLA/KANSAS RIGHT NOW AND GO TO ANOTHER ONE OF HER CONCERTS!!!!! 😩😩😩😩😩

im honestly just SO grateful i finally got to see her live. you have no idea. I have DREAMT of this moment since my childhood. I love her music with all my heart. I grew up on her music. it raised me daahhllinnggg!!! I have always admired her larger than life persona and her relentless work ethic. her confidence and aura is inspirational to me. the kinda energy any girl aspires to embody - a girly, fun, fierce, sexy diva. 💗

the last time she did a US tour was 2018. I wanted to go to the OTRII tour but couldn’t cuz of a family trip 😭 uhuhu! oh well. i am fucking GLAD I got to see her during freaking RENAISSANCE of all her tours. she’s been an lgbt ally and icon since the very beginning!!! PERIODTTT!!! but this era really solidified that. no matter what genre she does, she does it in a way that showcases the black perspective of that genre. it makes me so happy seeing her use her artistic abilities to try out house/garage/disco (a historically lgbt-dominated genre and subculture) AND showcase black people’s contribution to that subculture. I actually teared up a little when during one of the vcr bits that walked through the history of house music and paid tribute to frankie knuckles. and not to mention…..THE QUEENS REMIX OF BREAK MY SOUL!!! I ASCENDED HEARING THIS LIVE OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!! 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

as a bisexual woman, it felt SO cathartic experiencing such an album in real time and with all my senses. this album felt like a love letter for us. the concert felt like such a fun space to be one of The Gays™️. it made me proud to be a member of the lgbt community.

also, when she first appeared, I started SOBBINGGGGGG SAURRR HARD!!!!! she sang all her sappy ballads like flaws and all (loved when she turned the mic to us for us to sing “im a bitch in the afternoon…mood….), i care, rather die young, and 1+1 and cried the whole time because I was overwhelmed by her beauty. I couldn’t believe she was Right There…..

AND THE BLUE IVY CAMEO OMGGG!!! SHES THE CUTEST PATOOTEST KIDDO ON EARTH 🥺 I WANTED TO RUN UP THAT STAGE AND GIVE HER A HUG COZ SHES SOOO FREAKING ADORABLE! THE MOM AND DAUGHTER PERFORMANCE MADE MY HEART SOOOO SOFT🥺😢

she also sang a medley of her old hits and i LOST MY MARBLES OMGGG!!! AND WHEN SHE SANG SPEECHLESS OF ALL SONGS LIKE WTF!!??? THAT’S A DEEEEEP CUT FROM HER DISCOGRAPHY!!!! AND ONE OF MY FAVORITES!!!! JUST THINKING ABOUT IT IS MAKING ME BRAINROT!!!! and don’t even get me started with diva, get me bodied, 7/11, partition, crazy in love, love on top (which she made us RECITE the mfing lyrics to….), formation, cuff it, move, and america is a problem. I sounded like a mfing SCREAMO singer when singing out some of those lyrics hunny….one person even gave me a funny look. GURL! I’m here to go apeshit (no pun intended) not be a statue.

[cptsadist]

For the 100 OC Dev questionnaire thingy!

I'm kinda obsessed with your OCs and want to know EVERYTHING about them lol I know that's unrealistic so I tried narrowing down the asks. Feel free to pick and choose whichever ones you feel like answering!

Jet: 29, 80, and 88!

Egon: 4, 21, 76

Trance: 33, 52, 96

Oh my gosh thank you so much, you're gonna make me cry!! I'm so happy you're invested!! I totally love talking about my boys so you are totally fine, ask away!

Jet

29. What sort of humor does he have?

Jet is the type to find pretty much anything funny. The smallest thing can make him giggle, and stupid puns make him absolutely wheeze. It's really not hard to make him laugh!

80. How easy is it for others to read his emotions?

Jet is a very emotional person, and doesn't really try to hide how he feels, so it's usually quite obvious to see how he's feeling.

88. Is he quiet or loud?

Jet is very loud. He has ADHD so he also can jump all over the place and it can be kinda hard to have a conversation with him. When he gets really excited, he tends to get really loud because he has a hard time controlling his volume.

Egon

4. Does he prefer to be alone or with others?

Egon is absolutely a loner. He hates most people and finds himself easily distracted when around others. He prefers to work on video editing of his films and surfing the (dark) web in the solitude of his room, though he may make an exception and enjoy the company of one other person, as long as they're not too distracting or loud. More than one person and it's a bit much for him, it just instantly irks him.

21. How does he display affection?

This is a man who doesn't show affection at all really, but if you really work for it, you might see some. He'll want to film you a lot (outside of torture and whatnot) such as when you're sleeping or just watching TV. He would make a collection of videos burned onto a CD just for you. He may gaze at you quietly for long periods of time, just observing you, and his rough edges seem to soften a bit. He won't want you to leave his room if he can help it because he doesn't want to risk losing you. He would want to sleep with his arms wrapped tightly around you, you just better not wiggle too much or you'll piss him off.

76. How does he express anger?

Egon is the definition of anger issues. He may fall completely silent at first and try to separate himself from the situation, but if further provoked, you get to see his real anger. Egon instantly becomes violent and will be a bit relentless as he won't hold back. And he's a very strong and tall man. You'll hear him curse in his native Russian tongue as he absolutely loses control. There's a reason he got kicked out of so many schools when he was a kid.

Trance

33. Does he keep his promises?

Trance doesn't like making promises because he doesn't like feeling obligated to something. He knows how much a broken promise can hurt, so he avoids it if he can. But if he does make a promise, he does whatever he can to keep that promise.

52. What is his worst flaw?

Unfortunately, he has a lot of flaws. A very big one is that he has little regard for himself. He fills his body with alcohol and drugs and doesn't take care of himself at all, and he tries to keep himself distracted from his negative thoughts with these substances and with countless one night stands. He doesn't really care if anything happens to him; he has been through hell (not literally) and feels like he's seen the worst of people and he could handle whatever the world throws at him.

96. How does he carry himself, what sort of energy does he give off?

That's tricky. To the public (ie during performances, interviews, etc), he comes off as confident and radiant and extroverted and flirtatious. But the real Trance is very negative and has a great disdain for humanity and life itself, and he's very closed off and reclusive.

Hope you enjoyed these!! I love talking about them, sorry if I rambled!! I'm always open for asks though!! 😊

[theomachst]

How would you characterize your Genesis pre-degradation?

For Munday, anonymously ask the mun something you want to know about them, their portrayal, or what they will/won’t write [ACCEPTING]

Hoo boy.

Golden Child syndrome in youth that manages to get a lot better, but never entirely goes away.

Undiagnosed ADHD, bipolar, & high functioning autistic, very friendly and open and doesn't have much of a filter. Or a sense of impulse control. Or a sense of shame, at all. LOVES attention, both positive and negative.

The type of guy who makes you feel like you're the only person in the entire room when his attention is focused on you, but that just makes the loss of such focus all the more heartbreaking when he decides to shine that warmth onto someone else.

Charisma in spades, radiates charm like the sun. Loves to goof around and play the Class Clown, but when it comes down to brass tacks, he's loyal to a fault and fearless to the point of reckless aggression when he gets protective or upset.

Very physical and touchy, both in intimate and platonic/friendly ways. Words of affirmation comes in at a 2nd to touch.

Loves to read and think about the universe and the nature of things: philosophy, science, art, literature- he just seems fascinated by any and everything to the point that you begin to wish you saw as much beauty and wonder in every day life as he does.

When angered, he's relentless and aggressive, mocking and manages to cut you down to the quick with only his words. He does NOT forgive easily, especially if you do something especially cruel, thoughtless, or ignorant.

High energy, high emotional states, great singing voice. Can impersonate people so well, it's eerie- he even gets inflection and body language spot on.

When he loves, it's all or nothing. He will be hopelessly dedicated to you, finds new details to fall in love with all over again, every day. Writes you poems and intimate letters and leaves thoughtful little gifts in your office/locker. Very trusting, would be willing to do anything and everything with you (within reason).

He has high standards that he imposes on himself, but never other people. He desires to be a 'hero', but what that means to him I'm still kind of parsing out. It's not the fame nor the money, it's more like... something deeper than that. A lot of people think he just wants to be Sephiroth, and to an extent, he does- but knowing Sephiroth personally, he doesn't at the same time. I think he wants to make a difference in the world. He also wants to leave a legacy behind.

He fears abandonment. Loss of everything he holds dear- Rejection. Being forgotten, just another face in the crowd, another meaningless flash in the pan. Failure is unacceptable.

[realmofmagicproductions]

Lazerhia: Magic Island

Chapter 1: I Meet a Goddess (Jewell Point of View)

Magic Island, a name that sounds like it was coined by a very lazy magician, is my home. It's a tropical paradise where the sun is as relentless as a telemarketer and the humidity does wonders for my hair—think '80s rock band meets electric shock.

"Welcome back, fantasy nerds," I say, rolling my eyes at the voice recorder like it's the audience of my not-so-glamorous bedroom studio. "I'm Jewell Rivers, your guide to all things mythically tragic. Today's sob story? The dramatic demise of my mother." I pause for dramatic effect, waiting for the gasps that never come because, well, it's just me and my laundry.

Out of nowhere, a voice that's supposed to be six feet under chimes in. "Jewell, I did not die." There she is, my mother, the 'laundry goddess.'

I whip around, nearly tripping over a pile of clothes. "Why are you here!" I blurt out, my words laced with the kind of surprise that would have ADHD me bouncing off the walls—if I weren't so used to her antics.

She's folding my shirts with the precision of a surgeon, not even looking up. "Because someone has to, and you seem to be allergic to anything resembling chores."

If you're confused, buckle up. It's a wild ride from here, and I'm just the sarcastic tour guide with an attention span of—oh, look a butterfly.

15 years ago:

I found myself suddenly transported to a lush and green island. As I tried to take in my surroundings, I noticed that the air around me was buzzing with a strange energy. I felt powerless and out of place, I was surrounded by faces I didn't recognize.

One person stuck out in particular as if she was glowing. The woman looked to be in her late 40s, she had pale skin splotched with just the right amount of freckles, and the green hue in her eyes reminded me of sunshine and floral blooms. Her hair was long and loose, it was white like the beach sand. "Hello there, I am Suzanne, what is thy nameth?" Her voice was soft and sweet. "Do you speak English?" I asked. "Ah Gen Z Earth Ghost," She muttered, "Why yes I do, I am Suzanne what is thy- your name?"

A sharp whine tore through the atmosphere, My gaze immediately diverted to the direction of the sound. It was a white Pegasus soaring in the air. "Oh my gods, it's a My Little Pony," (Don't sue me whoever made the show,)

I couldn't help but laugh. "Jewell. Jewell Rivers," I replied, still chuckling at the Pegasus that seemed to have escaped from a child's vibrant imagination. "And you are?"

Suzanne smiled, a knowing twinkle in her eye. "I am the Goddess of Magic, Heroes, and Creation. And you, Jewell, are on Lazerhia, the island where myths breathe and legends come to play."

I raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like a theme park slogan. Do you have gift shops too?"

Ignoring my sarcasm, Suzanne gestured to the Pegasus descending towards us. "This is Elysium, my trusted steed. He's no toy, I assure you."

Elysium landed gracefully, a creature of pure majesty and not at all like the plastic figurines. I reached out a hand, half-expecting it to pass through him like everything else does with me. But to my surprise, my fingers met a warm, solid coat.

"Wait, I can touch him?" I gasped, my voice a mix of wonder and disbelief.

"Yes," Suzanne said, her voice soft yet firm. "Here, your ghostly limitations are... different. You're more than just an echo of the living."

More than an echo? That was new. I'd spent my afterlife being the annoying background noise no one really listens to. But here, I was tangible. I was real.

"And why am I here?" I asked, my curiosity piqued despite my usual disinterest.

Suzanne's expression turned serious. "Because Lazerhia needs you, Jewell. There's a balance to be maintained, and your unique... perspective is crucial."

I snorted. "You need a sarcastic ghost for... balance? What are we balancing, a cosmic budget?"

"Not exactly," she replied with a patient smile. "But all will be revealed in time. For now, let's get you acquainted with your new reality."

As I followed Suzanne through the island, with Elysium trotting beside us, I couldn't shake the feeling that my afterlife was about to get a lot more interesting.

Chapter 2: The Tour and the Truth

The sun was setting, casting a golden hue over the island as Suzanne and I walked through the bustling streets of Lazerhia's main town. The air was filled with the scents of exotic spices and the sound of laughter. It was a stark contrast to the quiet of my usual haunts.

"Would you like a tour of the island?" Suzanne asked, her voice cutting through my thoughts.

"Sure." I munched on my PB&J, the flavors a reminder of a life once lived. After we finished our lunch, she led me into town. We stopped at a booth near the docks, and there was a sign with the words 'ɬơųཞცơơɬɧ.' Dyslexia is the worst, but even I could tell that something was off. Apparently, it said 'tour booth,' but I had my doubts.

The tour wasn't that bad, I have to admit. They have some pretty cool places; like the karaoke bar where spirits sang off-key, and the outdoor mall that boasted an aquarium where mermaids waved at passersby.

"Would thou- you like some ice cream?" Suzanne gestured to a nearby store as we passed by a group of nymphs playing in a fountain.

"Hell yeah," I said, my enthusiasm for frozen treats never waning.

"What is hell?" Suzanne asked, her head tilting in confusion.

"Um... Ice cream!" I responded, a bit too quickly, before running towards the Ice Cream vendor. Seconds later, Suzanne caught up with me, and she was in heels. Wow, plus five points for skill.

"So hell must be pretty nice if it's ice cream," she mused, a small smile playing on her lips.

I could feel the blush of embarrassment creeping up my face. "Umm... No, hell is a pit of fire and bad people go there when they die," I explained, hoping to end the topic there.

Suzanne's smile faded slightly. "Ah, I see. A place of punishment then. We have similar concepts here, but let's focus on the brighter side of things for now."

As we continued our tour, I couldn't help but marvel at the wonders of Lazerhia. It was a place where the impossible seemed mundane, and a sarcastic ghost like me could touch, feel, and even taste. Maybe this 'balance' Suzanne spoke of was more than just a cosmic budget after all.

As the laughter from Suzanne's chuckle faded, I threw her a quizzical look. "Quick question, what's the legal age to own a house here?"

"You can stay with me—" she began, but her words were cut off by the ocean's roar as a wave crashed down on us, soaking us to the bone. "Let's just go to my house," she said, shaking off the water like it was a minor inconvenience.

She led me down a winding path through a dense thicket of trees. The air was thick with the scent of blooming flowers, and the sound of birds chirping filled the air. As we walked, Suzanne pointed out various landmarks, each with a story that tied back to magic. After a few minutes, we arrived at a clearing, and I gaped in amazement at Suzanne's home. It was a tall, sprawling mansion with a thatched roof and white walls adorned with intricate carvings. The garden was a riot of color, with vibrant plants and flowers, and a small stream bubbled nearby. And yes, she had a freaking waterfall in her front yard.

Stepping through the front door, I was struck by the sheer beauty and grandeur of the interior. Ornate tapestries and paintings adorned the walls, and soft, lush carpets covered the floors. A grand staircase led up to the second floor, and a chandelier hung from the ceiling, casting a warm, golden glow over the room.

"You're rich!" I blurted out, breaking the silence.

"I guess you could say that," Suzanne replied with a smile. "After all, I am 10,892 years old. I have been collecting for centuries."

We continued the tour of the house. She showed me her library, filled with books on various magical subjects, her art gallery, featuring works from artists across the island, and her personal bedroom, decorated with plush pillows and silk sheets. I was beginning to think she wasn't kidding about collecting for centuries.

"Thank you for showing me your home, it's amazing," I said, genuinely impressed.

"It's your home now," she replied with a soft smile. "Would you like to see your room?"

I nodded, and Suzanne led me down a long hallway to a wooden door. "This is going to be your room. I hope you like it."

I stepped closer and peered inside. The room was cozy, with a large bed in the center and a window overlooking the garden. A small desk sat against the opposite wall, with a stack of books neatly arranged on top.

"It's perfect," I said, plopping myself on the bed. But then I started to sink into it. "It's trying to eat me!"

Suzanne snapped her fingers, and the bed became as hard as a rock. "Is that okay for you?" she asked.

"Maybe a little softer," I suggested.

She snapped her fingers again. "How about now?"

"Perfect," I said, relieved.

"Washrooms on the left, Nighty Night," she said as she left the room. I could swear I heard her mutter something about Luna.

I tried to sleep, but that stupid waterfall wouldn't shut up. I sat on the edge of the bed, looking out the window into the moonlit garden. I felt a pair of eyes on me and turned to see Suzanne looking at me like she just saw a ghost. Fitting.

"You good?" I asked, sensing something was off.

"How are you adjusting?" Suzanne inquired.

"That waterfall is the loudest thing known to man," I complained.

She snapped her fingers, and the waterfall stopped flowing. "I hate it too, no worries."

But why was she watching me? Was it concern, curiosity, or something else?

As I lay there, trying to make sense of everything, I realized that Lazerhia wasn't just a place of magic and wonder. It was a place where I could be more than I ever was as a ghost. Here, I could interact with the world in ways I never thought possible. And maybe, just maybe, I could find a new purpose in this strange, magical land.

[contemporarycarecenters]

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While many patients experience a significant reduction in symptoms with pharmacologic treatment, it’s essential to recognize that complete relief may not be achieved for everyone. Moreover, all antidepressants carry the potential for harmful side effects, necessitating close monitoring by qualified healthcare professionals.

Tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs) represent one class of medications commonly used in depression treatment. By blocking the reuptake of norepinephrine and serotonin, TCAs can alleviate symptoms; however, they may also induce unwanted side effects such as weight gain, sedation, constipation, dry mouth, and changes in blood pressure and heart rate. Starting with lower dosages, typically around 75-100 mg daily, patients gradually increase as needed. These potential side effects underscore the importance of informed decision-making and close monitoring during depression medication treatment, emphasizing the need for individualized care to optimize patient outcomes while minimizing risks.

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