#then guess what. youre still lesbian! congrats!

[these-posts-arent-real]

Time to catch up on your favorite dashboard simulator :3

#gonna start scheduling these for 1 or 2 per day #i really enjoy making them but I think i'll get burnt out otherwise #also HUGE ty to whoever was the anon who sent me the idea #about having therian cats #ohhh my god #hey anon #(or anyone else but im talkin to u) #feel free to dm me to talk at any point you seem cool

15 notes

🔁 🐍xviper-the-fagx reblogged

🫎 mo0sedude Follow

I PASSED MY ASSESSMENT!!! AAAAAHHH

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

OMSC CONGRATS MOOSE! I'm so happy for you!!!!

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

WOAAAHHH CONGRATULATIONS MOOOSEE!!! Have you had your name ceremony yet??

#im so happy for ya dude #moving on from apprenticeship </3 #gonna miss you in the 'apprentice things' tag

10 notes

🔁 🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow reblogged

🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow

Daily selfie !!!

Trying on some new berry-based fur dye.

🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow

The amount of cats commenting "you'll never be a she-cat" and "wearing fur dye won't make you female" is astounding. Like. Thanks?? I'm a trans guy not a trans girl...

#lol?? #this is so funny to me #trans

4,703 notes

🥬 rxttencatmint Follow

Ahh.. different type of post than usual, but.. mmrrnn... I'm considering coming out to my mentor. I know he's supportive, but I'm really nervous, so, uh.. I'm gonna leave it up to a Clanblr poll haha..

#trans #transmasc #trans tom #transgender #trans apprentice #advice #poll

4 notes

🤍 snwtl Follow

* ,○ ' WELCOME TO MY BLOG ^. o° ;

adult female cat - 49 moons - gender critical

Keep reading

#terfsafe #radfem #adult female cat #terf #riverclan

0 notes

🔁 🥬 rxttencatmint reblogged

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

New neighbors have THE most annoying dog I've ever met in my life. Won't shut up about how that's her yard and to get back... nobody wants your yard Jackie, shut uppp...

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

Since when do you speak dog????

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

I started picking it up when I moved to the twolegplace. I'm still not fluent, but I can hold a conversation with the neighborhood dogs if I want.

#every new thing i learn about kipper #just. wow #he is so coolll... #this is totally not the gender envy and parent issues speaking

2,851 notes

🔁 🌊 missingmyscales reblogged

🦊 foxx--hearted Follow

The worst part about being a fox therian is that even when I am partially accepted, it's usually because cats are telling me how horrible foxes are, and how I should've "picked a different species" because they think that's how it works.

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

Imagine being a fish. In RiverClan.

The closest I ever get to "acceptance" is my friends joking about how I would taste.

🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow

How does it feel to have to eat the thing your damaged brain thinks you are. Lol

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

Frst off. "Damaged brain" like. Oookay guess we're just being really mean to others on Clanblr today. Second off ,I dont eat fish??? I never even implied that I eat fish.

🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow

You're from RiverClan lmao. What else is there to eat

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

...

You are joking, right?

Lizards, birds, water voles and shrews, snakes, frogs, toads?? None of those come to mind when you consider the potential diet of a RiverClan warrior??????

🦊 foxx--hearted Follow

@missingmyscales you should probably just block @lalala-bluegaze, her whole blog is about being anti-kittypet, anti-therian, not believing enbies or bisexuals/any other lgbt identity than lesbian or gay or binary trans is valid, and a whole bunch of other stuff. It's not worth talking to her.

🌊 missingmyscales Follow

Ahh thanks... blocked her. I didnt think to check her blog beforehand

#sorry again for arguing on your post, Maple #saw a misconception ab RiverClan and blacked out lol

407 notes

🔁 🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass reblogged

🌾 barncat-vibes Follow

Good morning everyone <3 remember to eat breakfast and stay hydrated!

2,301 notes

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

Ithunk i atw a bug

#it difnr taste good euther :/

1 note

🌱 dirtdigger-23 Follow

So I guess I'm just on this site now?? Clanblr is gone. I can't access any of its posts. But. I can see "Tumblr". Which is weird. The posts are really strange here.

[forever-rogue]

hi there i hope you’re having an amazing day!! i was hoping to request a steve harrington x fem!reader fic. they’ve been together for a few months but reader hasn’t come out to him as bisexual. she knows steve will be accepting but still has a sense of hesitance bc of his king steve era in high school. steve notices something is going on and tries to figure out what it is. reader eventually confesses what’s been happening in her mind and comes out. steve comforts her and tells her he’s proud of her. but then he tells her that he’s also bisexual and he was afraid to be vulnerable and share who he is until he met the reader. thank you so much, your writing is amazing!!

AN | As a fellow bisexual, I love this! Enjoy because it’s soft and sweet 🥺

Warnings | Language

Pairing | Steve x Fem!Reader

Word Count | 2.3k

Masterlist | Steve, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Robin?" your voice was so soft and timid that she almost didn't hear it. She looked up from the movie returns she was sorting through and raised an eyebrow in question. You sighed heavily before hopping onto the counter and anxiously swinging your legs back and forth.

"C'mon," she sat cross-legged on the ground and looked up at you with curiosity glittering in her eyes, "out with it."

You cast a furtive look around the store, checking to make sure that Steve wasn't there. Which was unrealistic, considering you knew he was doing his afternoon classes at the local university. You'd stopped by to bring Robin lunch…and pick her brains but right now it all seemed so hard.

"Ummm…okay,” you clutched at the edge of the counter, holding it so tightly that your knuckles were turning white. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, trying to search for the right words, “how did you know…or I guess realize that you were a lesbian?”

“Oh? Has the dignus finally made you realize that you don’t need men?” she joked and your face warmed up as you shook your head .

“N-no,” you shrugged, fingers anxiously drumming along the countertop, “I love Stevie, in all the ways, but I think I might…like women too.”

She snorted in amusement but when she saw the look on your face, Robin broke into a fit of giggles. You sighed softly and offered her a look that was nothing short of desperation, "oh. Oh. You're not…joking, are you?"

"No," you shook your head, playing nervously with your hands. You knew that Robin was the last person to judge you, but it still felt hard. You allowed yourself a quick peek at her and saw nothing but tenderness on her soft features, "I'm not."

"Babe," she stood up and threw her arms around you, squeezing you tightly but causing you to relax, "first of all - congrats on the revelation! And secondly - what's wrong? What's got you upset?"

"I guess just…it feels wrong," Robin reached up and gently wiped the tears that had rolled down your cheeks away, "I'm with Steve! Like it doesn't even matter but it's been nagging at me. What if I'm just making this all up in my mind?"

"I'm going to tell you that no matter what you think or the fact that you're with Steve and clearly so in love with him it's disgusting, who you are matters," she reached for your hand and held it gently in hers, "its a part of who you are, whether or not you're with a man or a woman."

"I do love Steve…more than anything,” even the mere thought of him was enough to give you butterflies, “but I feel like this is something that’s a part of me too.”

“Then it’s important and it matters,” she promised and that made you relax a little bit, “both can be true, you know. You can love and be with Steve, and at the same time, you can still be bisexual. Even if you never date anyone else, that’s still a large part of who you are. And the people that matter will understand; if someone doesn’t understand, then they’re not your people.”

“Those are some wise words,” you sniffled slightly, moved by her kindness and love, unable to stop yourself from wrapping your arms around her and giving her a tight hug, “thank you.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” she insisted with a kiss pressed to your cheek, “that’s what friends do.”

“And you’re the bestest of them all,” you seriously didn’t know what you would have done without them, “seriously.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Despite Robin’s words of reassurance, you still antagonized over what to do next for so long. At least that’s what it seemed like….in reality it had only been a few days but when your mind was so full of a million different thoughts it seemed much longer. Steve had noticed that something was off, and had asked if something was wrong a few times but you never provided him with an answer. 

You brushed it off and just claimed that you were tired, but you knew that he knew you weren’t giving him the full truth. One of the many wonderful things about Steve was how patient and gentle he was. He knew that you’d come around and tell him what was going on when you were ready.

But as you laid next to him at night, trying to fall asleep in his arms, in your own shared apartment, the spaces where you felt the most loved and safe, you still felt a bit of nervousness. There were so what ifs swirling around your mind; what if you told Steve that you were bisexual and he hated you? What if he didn’t support you? What if he didn’t believe you? 

So many questions all at once. 

Eventually, however, everything had to come to a head. And it happened just as you imagined it would; easily and effortlessly.

You’d beaten Steve home and started cooking dinner, thinking nothing of it. The two of you often split these types of chores, but one of the things you always loved was that you both ended up in the kitchen together. 

“Hey lovely,” you’d been so lost in your thoughts that you hadn’t heard Steve come in, let alone walk into the kitchen. You looked up from the sauce you were currently making on the stove and offered him a soft smile. He crossed the kitchen and stood behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder, “missed you today.”

“Hello, my love,” you turned your head so you could kiss his cheek, making a small sound of content as he squeezed you gently, “missed you too.”

“What can I do to help?” he asked softly and you shook your head, “come on, there’s gotta be something I can do.”

“Pour us some wine,” you nudged him in the direction of the cabinet so he could grab a couple of glasses, “and be generous with the pour.”

“I think I can handle that,” he grabbed the glasses and made quick work of pouring some of the sweet red you liked, setting the glasses down on the counter. You carried on but stopped to take a drink before giving him a berry sweet kiss. But despite how normal you believed you were presenting yourself, Steve could still tell something was bothering you, “honey girl, what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?” you asked softly, slapping a stiff smile on your face, “hmm?”

“Something’s been on your mind,” he whispered softly, “and I can tell it’s been weighing on you. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

You swallowed thickly, attempting to make your face as neutral as possible. You took a long drink before turning to him, "nothing is going on, my love."

He inhaled deeply and you could tell that he had so much more on his mind but was trying to process exactly how much to say. Eventually he just nodded, a slight frown tugging down the corners of his mouth, "alright. Y-you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Of course I do," you set your hands on his broad shoulders and leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek, "I trust you more than anyone else."

"Good," he offered a little half smile in response before gently touching your cheek, "let's go out for ice cream after dinner, huh?"

"Ooh, that sounds lovely!" You beamed at him and he relaxed slightly. At least you were still mostly yourself…the rest, he hoped, would come out in time. All he wanted for you was to be happy and he wanted to share in that happiness.

But he was a calm and patient and gentle man, and he would be ready to be there for you and support you whenever you were ready.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was late, so late that the only things keeping you company were the night insects and hooting owls. The window was open bringing in a much needed and gentle breeze. You were on your side and staring out the window into the darkness, unable to find sleep and opting to count stars instead. Steve was fast asleep next to you, an arm slung around your waist as he snorted gently. 

You had been so close to telling him your little secret for days now, but you just couldn’t quite bring yourself to do it. Every time you were ready to, it felt like a giant pit had lodged itself into your belly. 

“Oh Steve,” you wished it out into the void more than anything, not expecting that he was awake or would even register that you were talking to him, “I love you so very much.”

“Hmm,” you felt him shift slightly and almost froze up as his arm tightened around you, “love you too, angel.”

You stiffened when you realized that he was awake. You weren’t sure what it was, but for some reason, whether it was the cloak of night or the hope that he was half asleep and wouldn’t remember this, you felt brave. You reached for his hand and laced your fingers together, that familiar sense of safeness and security settling into your bones. 

“Can I tell you something, Steve?” your heart was hammering as you closed your eyes and swallowed the lump in your throat. 

“Anything,” he promised, pressing a few soft, featherlight kisses to your shoulder, “nothing could ever change how much I love you.”

“I-I know,” you choked up and took a moment to compose yourself, “I think…no, I, umm…I’m bisexual.”

He said nothing for a moment and your mind immediately jumped to the worst conclusion.

He didn’t believe you. He hated you. He wouldn’t love you anymore. He was going to break up with you.

“It’s been on my mind a lot lately and I’ve just been thinking about it,” you wanted to cry when you felt him pull his arm from around you, “and I never want to keep secrets from you. I-I’m sorry but I just wanted to tell you.”

When he still didn’t say anything you were all but ready to pack your bags and leave. But then he sat up and leaned against the headboard and flicked on the light on the nightstand. You looked up and when you didn’t see anger on his face, you followed suit and looked at him with wide eyes. 

“S-Stevie?”

“Is that what’s been on your mind?” he asked softly, so different than what you had initially expected. You nodded slowly, unable to contain the tears that started to roll down your cheeks which he quickly wiped away, “baby.”

“I was scared to tell you,” you confessed, “I didn’t know if I should.”

“You never have to be scared to tell me anything,” he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, “I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share that with me.”

“Me too,” you smiled when you felt him take your hand and start playing with your fingers, a method of keeping you both calm, “I thought about not doing it at all ‘cause it doesn’t really matter.”

“Why wouldn’t it matter?” his pretty honey caramel eyes narrowed in confusion, a look so cute and puppy-like that it made your heart melt, “of course it matters.”

“Because I’m dating you,” he took your hand and pressed a kiss to your knuckles and then your palm, “and you’re a man and I’m a woman and…I don’t ever plan on not being with you so…in a way it felt like it doesn’t matter.”

“It’s a part of who you are,” he put a finger under your chin and turned your face up to meet his, “and it matters no matter what. Being with me doesn’t change that.”

“Thank you,” you wrapped your arms around his neck and let him pull you into his warm, strong body, burrowing your face into his chest and inhaled his familiar scent, “I love you so much.”

“Can I tell you something too?”

“Anything.”

“I am…bisexual,” you pulled back from him and looked to see if he was being serious or joking, not that you’d ever expect him to joke about something like that. When he offered you a soft, dopey little half smile you realized he was telling the truth, “just like you.”

“I…Steve,” you put your hand on his cheek and looked at him incredulously, “I…wow. But…how come you never said anything?”

“I guess it’s really a pretty simple answer,” he too felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, “I didn’t really think it mattered. But then…when you told me, I realized it did matter. Just like it matters with you, it matters with me too. And no, I don’t ever plan on not being with you either. It’ll always be us, angel.”

“I love you so much,” you just beamed at him. This had gone very differently than what you had expected, even in the million different scenarios that had run through your head. You kissed him, a slew of different emotions running through your veins, taking his face in your hands and throwing every bit of love you had at him, “so, so much.”

“I love you too,” he pulled you fully into his lap, settling his hands on your hips, “I’m glad we were able to finally get this out there.”

“Me too,” you agreed, softly, “you are everything to me, Steve Harrington.”

“You are everything to me, angel,” he tenderly kissed your temple, “I love you everything you are, you have been, and will be.”

[moth-p]

TPOT 13 RAMBLE

Huge spoilers obviously.

How we feeling BDFI fans?

Well, you're about to find out what I am feeling so lets get into this nonsensical ramble since y'all seemed to like the last one for some reason

1. ONEE??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

Okay so ANY chance that One isn't a villan is uh. Dead and buried. And honestly it should stay that way I really enjoyed her this episode! BFDI was lacking a true villan

I actually predicted their deal with Basketball in this episode a while ago soo yea (more about Basketball later, dont you worry)

What about Bell and Bomby (And now Needle and Barf Bag)? WHERE ARE THEY? Well, dear reader who probably does not care, I have a theory!

I think that they are in One's version of the EXIT

If my theory that the place TPOTs eliminated contestants is a "Two EXIT", is correct, it is likely that every algebralien has something like that.

Did One and Three interact like I hoped they would? No. Buut another thing that I really fucking liked in this episode is the confirmation of One's motives. And that, as you have seen is

Two's power. Why does she need it? We don't know. To free Three, to take over the world to do something else.. I honestly can't wait to find out

TLDR: I loved One in this episode bro

2. Yuri (cw basketbot if you dont like this ship scroll to point 3)

LET IT BE KNOWN TO THE PUBLIC THAT I WAS HARDCORE SHIPPING THEM SINCE I WATCHED TPOT 7 AND I HAVE BEEN FED. GOD.

BASKETBOT FOREVER BABYYY

"The best version of you is the one we have here" honest reaction

This ship should be way more popular

HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY BASKETBALL LOOKS AT ROBOT FLOWER WHEN SHES HERSELF AGAIN.

Okay basketbot ramble over

TLDR: lesbians

3. Eliminations and the rejoin

So I got a few things right in my tpot 13 predictiom post (i think) but I have been completly wrong with who will be eliminated

Barf bag: I was kinda expecting it..? I mean I'm still VERY sad about her elimination DONT GET ME WRONG but I kind of knew that her time was coming. But

NEEDLE?!: GUYS. GUYS COME ON. I THINK THE ONLY THING MORE SHOCKING THAN HER ELIMINATION WAS FIREAFY ANGST IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2024. I actually thought that she would EASILY be in top 3 but I guess she wasnt. But the whole thing with pen was so good rahshsggdhshs im still not over it

The double rejoin was a welcome suprise, even though I know it will have a huge impact on the story later. I voted for pencil because I wanted to see her interact with the alliance (and she did yippie), but LIY joining is also very good, she was eliminated way too early imo

I voted for pin because. Shes pin. I love pin (and I also think that Tree and Black Hole will get enough votes to stay no problem wait apollo what are you doing no put the dodgeball dow-)

I also voted for snowball! He was great in the last few episodes and i hope it will stay like that

TLDR: Needle deserved better

4. Random shit (this will be long)

1. THE MENTION OF GELATINS STEAKHOUSE IS ENOUGH FOR NOW BUT PLEASE, WITH THE FIREAFY SIDEPLOT THING LET HIM APPEAR AGAIN JNJ PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WILL BE SATISFIED WITH ONLY SEEING HIM IN THE BG AS LONG AS HE APPEARS PLEASE (you will not guess who my favorite character is)

2. Fireafy? In the year of our lord 2024? Am I repeating this joke? Maybe?

But seriously, their appearence was a huge suprise and seeing as Leafy (probably) got kidnapped by One, it will most likely turn out to be a sideplot (bonus points because the robot flower one ended)

3. Gatys paint falling off a bit. Idk why but that detail was so good rahdgsusghejs

4. Fanny and BH being friends is something I did not expect that much but its cool. (They are MLM WLW solidarity to me)

5. Im a bit dissapointed that Three didnt make an appearence in this episode but whatever. (They will appear in tpot 14 guys trust me)

6. Congrats to Pillow for actually doing something and not having your team be UFE again seriously I think it was like 3 times in a row

7. I know it was basically nothing. But seeing Price Tag and Book interact with each other makes me so happy you have no idea

8. I KNOW IT WAS BASICALLY NOTHING. BUT SEEING TB AND GB INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER MAKES ME SO HAPPY YOU HAVE NO IDEA

9. Two sleeping was kinda funny (this also implies that algebraliens need sleep)

10. Four and X going on vacation. Thats it

11. (II 16 SPOILERS!!!)

Someone (me) will draw Needle and Barf Bag getting deleted by mephone X

I think thats it if I will have the need to ramble about this episode more then it will be reblog time

[lavenderspence]

evolution s1e2 (s16e2) thoughts

okay, once again, my dumb thoughts on Evolution no one asked for, but I'll still post hah. Everything is below the line, enjoy I guess

So everyone is working out in this episode slay I guess

Why does Will look like a hot dilf professor in the beginning? (I love that for him, don't get me wrong)

Why does Rossi still look like a homeless guy in Manhattan...?

Wow, we went from a kid killer to kink...wow

Can I smack the Hotch wanna be aka the Director. Like he is more annoying then Strauss and Linda Barnes

So is this like a whole "underground" ring of serial killers, what the fuck ?-?

"The BAU is different" is this another sentence for "The BAU sucks" (harsh I know but they're a mess)

So apparently the pandemic bred killers

Yep it's a killer network, killer ring. Fantastic

So Tara is suddenly Bi? Lesbian? Hey I'm not shaming, I'm an ally, she's a slay, but that did come out of nowhere. I would have loved to see her dating

Oohh, your dog's a goofball, well enjoy being a victim Tawny

Someone remove the f bombs from Joe's lines please. Thank you

27 minutes in - no profile. They really do suck hello

Are JJ & Luke the only ones a part of the BAU cause no one else seems to be doing anything, any work at all.

So now we have popular tiktok songs on there? Dear God.

Okay but what in the hell is going on with Penelope. I get wanting to move on but it's like she's repulsed by the job now.

So she needed a piece of paper to remind her who she is...? Okay what the hell

OMG ROSSI GOT INTO A SUID!! JJ HAD MORNING SEX

Well, Emily, being salty doesn't suit you babe

If I had Million bucks every time they tried to bring in drama by trying to reorganize or shut down the BAU, I'd be able to buy a home in Monaco and reside there

Luke Alvez you're surprisingly the only person that doesn't annoy me. Congrats

Overall thoughts - this is so messy it's not even funny. Like they seem to have literally forgotten what it's like to work on a team, or they don't seem like they want to be a team. Like why were JJ & Luke the only ones doing actual work - we watched Rossi lose it twice, Tara & Emily took a walk...like?-?. Also how many damn times can they use "let's change up the BAU or just straight up break it up, because we don't need it"? This is the third time I think. The first time was good, the second okay, but why do we need it to happen a third time? Like why use the same formula over and over and over again. Just because something worked the first time, doesn't mean anyone's gonna care for it if it keeps happening.

Once again an episode written by an og writer, and it's a mess.

Can we please keep the trendy, tiktoky stuff for social media, and not the show? It's good for marketing and of course the times, but it's not good for a crime show I'm sorry to say. (I have a lot more to add on this, but yeah)

I know I sound harsh, but...I'm finding Evolution really hard to enjoy and I do hope it gets better because i really want to like it🥲

[spaceagebachelormann]

MARLEE ML could i pretty pretty please get some hcs on coming out as lesbian to the rtc characters- (im probably going to send you more reqs soon lmao)

coming out as lesbian to the choir

pairing: st cassian chamber choir x fem reader

warnings: random pjo reference, homophobia, very short sections, alcohol, swearing, all of them having an amazing gaydar

a/n: YES I ABSOLUTELY CAN

masterlist

Ocean O’Connell Rosenburg

laughs

she knew you were lesbian before you did

if someone is homophobic towards you she immediately alerts mischa who comes over there and judo flips them

she has that “i’m a lesbian, and this is my best friend ocean, she’s an ally, talk ocean!” “ally!” energy

shed also be the type to try and set you up with girls she knows….

overall she’s super supportive and understanding when you come out and is super happy for you

Noel Gruber

he also knew

just has that amazing gaydar

the second you come out to him he pulls a lesbian flag pin out of his pocket and puts it in your hand and just says “wear it”

you become gay and lesbian solidarity

WILL kick anyone whos homophobic to you in the jaw

just glance at him with a worried face and he’s running over there to kick them

making fun of straight people lightheartedly together afterwards <3

Mischa Bachinski

“you’re a what??”

you have explain what being a lesbian means to him like 18 times

he’s finally like “oh. so boobs?” and you decide it’s close enough

comes up to you the next day with alcohol and is like “you are lesbian. congrats. drink?”

in his head he still doesn’t really get it but goes with it anyway

my guy has amazing hearing and if someone says something homophobic to you they’re gonna have a tall ukrainian bad boy running at them before they get judo flipped and body slammed

Ricky Potts

he’s so happy for you!!

signs something like “that’s amazing!! i’m so glad you felt comfortable to tell me!!”

he’s also the type to point out pretty girls on the street

he has stickers for EVERYTHING and gives you a lesbian flag sticker to go with the pin from noel <33

also secretly knew but didn’t say anything

if someone is homophobic to you he beats them with his crutches or alerts noel and mischa who come to beat their ass so hard

Jane Doe/Penny Lamb

stares at you for 8 whole seconds

and then hugs you

“same!”

is also super happy for you and super supportive

would pretend to be your gf if someone wouldn’t leave you alone

would also take you out for food as a congratulations <33

she was scary asf even when she was alive so if someone’s homophobic to you she stares them in the eyes with her piercing gaze

they eventually get intimidated and back down

then she turns to you and is like “let’s go! <3” and you’re like “wtf”

Constance Blackwood

guess what! she also knew

“weren’t you already out?”

a lil bit confused because she thought you were out

very supportive of you anyway <3

asks you a bunch of questions to understand things she isnt sure about

if someone’s homophobic towards you she calls the whole choir and they beat their ass for you

then they drag you away

10/10 friends

[pastel-rights]

I think you could describe them even MORE out of context. A mega contextless list if you will.

aNON??? I... guess you will get your mega list after all! Don't go too crazy trying to figure out what goes to what muse!!

-- sir I know they say to dress your best but this REALLY is not the occasion to be doing this. sir you're going to hell not to prom. SIR!!

-- my favorite little mochi cameraman :] he's very friend-shaped, a little quiet but a good lad a respectable fellow.

-- l-l-lucky number four!! now get in the car, loser. We got seeds to buy from the store.

-- i roasted you so hard you got thanos snapped out of existence. also I think I also gaslit you once too.

...

oh my GOD YOU'RE FOURTH ON THE LIST AND YOU GOT LUCKY NUMBER FOUR'D. SUCK IT BITCH /j

-- is the neutron the powerhouse of the cell. are you the powerhouse of MY cell? dramatic gasp.

-- colors have voices. Orange sounds like a friend? enemy? Green sounds like people you hate. Purple sounds like your friend and your "friend's" roommate. white sounds like birds. pink sounds both like love and whores, supposedly.

you also have a talent for shocking people with no reason and never shutting the fuck up even if you REALLY need to.

Also please never take mushrooms ever again.

also the warehouse. shudders.

-- please stop biting the patroller. this isn't a funny bit this is a genuine cry for help /j

-- stop riZZING UP DEMONBANE but please do keep decking Plutone.

-- you romanticize the wrong sibling, sister. get a GRIP. i love you though. keep slaying, girlquestion.

-- the police but actually likeable. also she explodes you with sweets..

-- miss i know you're sad about your divorce but im TRYING to decode here miss miss PLEASE.

-- omg is that the mcdonalds employee is that the mcgirlfailure. you forgot my mcflurry I'm in AGONY.

-- fruity ass. fruitcake. friend of the lesbians, exploder of the homophobes. ily.

-- sir i know you're haunted by your boss's closet and the food she wants you to cook and the horrors but there's no reason to be THIS dramatic. DAMN.

-- if you disappear to the Bahamas one more time I'm gonna flop over and CRY.

-- punishment this sinner that why don't you stop bitchin' and get some bitches instead. god you're pathetic. /ref

-- you need therapy. and to stay away from the flames the do NOT speak to us they do NOT call our names.

-- sweet tooth with a side of murdering you murdering you mur-

-- you're one of two muses who are normal. congrats, have a cookie!

-- i'm sorry for cussing i'm SORRY i will find an alternative I sincerely aPOLOGIZE PLEASE DON'T YELL AT ME????? also I like penguins too can we be friends. i can ignore the fact you're haunted by the horrors.

-- the first person to ever rizz me before. under the sea rizz /j

-- i love you. you're the light of my life. i only want the best for you. [ throws the fauti at you like a homing missile ]

-- the marriage certifcate is fake and we both know it but at this point I'm too baffled by it's existence to really care. also stop surprise adopting kids that's just called kidnapping.

-- you went from fake marriage to a real marriage and i don't know if i respect that or hate that. it's been months and I still cannot decide. at least, the cake tasting arc was cute!! also give mE BACK MY MUSE'S COAT DAMNIT.

-- how did you murder your wife you are a WEAK bitch. possessed by demons. weak ASS.

-- alcoholic but glowstick

-- stop calling me babygirl i'm neither baby nor a girl.

-- how do you have a husband? no like genuinely i'm SO baffled. /lh

-- father in law.

-- cosmic eldritch horror but the real horrors is the fucking key you keep showing me. please let me go I just want to see my husband and daughter.

.

what do you MEAN he is my husband WHAT.

-- your letters have ruined my life.

-- my VERY real father. of course I get excited whenever i see you around you're very cool and I miss you :(

-- you got hit by the tram once while breakdancing and I'll never forget about that /pos /lh

-- please i just want the divorce papers... what do you mean, I don't NEED a marriage counselor OR a priest. also you threw your friend not once but twice and you're so real for that.

-- the TRUE toxic yuri. also you multiplied and became french which is funny.

-- too many rules to remember. also you're short and I want to rattle you.

-- twitter but cooler!

-- you canonically give spirits bad vibes which is fucking HILARIOUS.

-- i'm noT A FUCKING CAT UNHAND MEE YOU SLIMY WHELP. OUGHHHH also NO I will NOT take a break. >:(

-- the vibes are a WILD way to judge someone but it's even MORE wild the vibes are usually right.

-- the way you just grabbed him was so funny. weak as hell but you had the spirit!!!

-- not a muse i see often but there's like 3 of you floating around and THAT is a funny ass fact.

-- "this is my safety gun." "well can you put it away?" "but my safety gun :("

-- you can't do math yet somehow you made a plan to overthrow your brother and become a god practically and I don't know if I'm impressed or just saddened by that thought.

-- please leave my eyes alone.

-- the manager of the costco! i wonder if he ever got out...

... or unpossessed.

-- no running in the halls!!! /ref

-- bakery owner who i would forfeit all mortal possesions to <333

-- girlboss and her 203948043 vessels

-- peepaw i don't like guns. or fake yous.

-- how's your father's divorce going? do you need a hug. /lh

-- vida la revolution!!!

-- how did you get into my house and why are you talking about fireworks and poetry i just want to disassociate about my brother's traumatic death and disconnect from the world around me, i didn't ASK for an impromptu therapy session.

-- orphan.

-- uno card eater AND number one on the debt list. also your demons. that's fucked up.

[farmerlesbian]

hey... so i've identified as a lesbian since i was 13 and i even felt like my gender matched that (never felt comfy w being called a woman, most gender related compliments or doing a lot of feminine things)

thing is last year i had a Night and i ended up kissing a boy i knew for a bit and i started liking him after that. so a month after that i went to a club on my own and ended up chatting with a random guy, we really hit it off. he then wanted to kiss me and i accepted since i had decided to explore my sexuality. thing is i also ended up liking him when we kissed lol and we started dating and now he's my bf.

i mean i guess it's not that weird since these men are not straight and also not too masc (my bf wears make up etc). but i keep feeling conflicted since i felt like the lesbian label always fitted me sexually and gender wise. also it seems like i just happen to like guys when i kiss them, because i wasn't attracted to these men before the kisses happened

i am calling myself bisexual now but i keep feeling so close to lesbianism. it feels weird and uncomfy :( also i think i love my bf but it feels soooo different if i compare the experience to when i was dating girls. i mean i used to lose my shit over girls. with guys it feels a like it's the same feeling but watered down. and i don't think it's comp het bc i feel that my attraction is real, but so different and weird compared to what i was used to

sorry for my english, i'm not a native speaker. have a wonderful night 💖

Ooh congrats on your relationship and I hope you two have so much fun!

It sounds to me like you are bi! It makes sense that you have a fondness for lesbians and the gay community, because you ARE part of the community. From what I understand, it is quite common to have a different experience and feeling in your attraction to different genders, to feel different when with a girl vs with a boy. If you want to put extra emphasis on your interest in girls, you could also use "sapphic" and "wlw" and "gay" or "queer" for yourself! I don't think that you being super into your boyfriend is erasing your experiences or interest in women. That's what bi means! Bi doesn't have to mean perfectly equal amount of attraction to men and women, you can be like way more into girls and still be bi. And you certainly have lots in common with lesbians. I mean, we're all gay here!

Maybe try finding other bi folks to befriend, you'll see how common your experiences are! You're certainly not alone. It's a wonderful thing to be bi, you're no less gay for it.

[zalrb]

i don't care if it's just an opinion re willow and willow/oz it's an opinion on the sole queer character in btvs. let's not act like you don't know saying your fave ship of a lesbian character is the one ship that canonically was her experiencing comp het was gonna rub people who saw themselves in her the wrong way. let's not play dumb here. now i just stated you are condescending and here you are proving my point for me. i read the ask, i know the context. that wasn't my point.

my point is the one time you speak of xena (THAT IVE SEEN) you speak of an het ship. no again condescencion part 2 the fucking remix i guess. i don't think you've said you're the authority on anything and meant it literally you just act like it over and over and then give turn into the pikachu face meme when people point it out to you. now onto spartacus am i supposed to praise you for noticing a m/m ship and two others that involved characters who died? and gloss over you ignoring the others? ok then congrats on noticing the main canon pairing on the show next to naevia/crixus (after season 2 at least) which you've raved about way more than the former. now all your blah blah about all the queer characters you do talk about. your masterlist is a nightmare for anyone neurodivergent to navigate. stop expecting people to comb through it anytime they have a question for you or make it more accessible to everyone. and even ignoring that you still talk about more het characters and to your last point i know fandoms tend to ignore black characters and black women in favour of white and m/m ships in fact they do it for poly ships too like in the show siren that had a white woman, a black woman and a white man and the fandom hyperfocused on the white man and white woman part of that triad. silver/madi/flint doesn't exclude madi in any way though you just don't like flint. if i've been condescending replying to you i'm only using your tone back to you. goodbye."

if i've been condescending replying to you i'm only using your tone back to you. goodbye.

I don't think anything about this was condescending, I'm actually just confused. Anyway, this isn't to continue a dialogue, this is for the rest of the people who check in on my blog.

now onto spartacus am i supposed to praise you for noticing a m/m ship and two others that involved characters who died? and gloss over you ignoring the others? ok then congrats on noticing the main canon pairing on the show next to naevia/crixus (after season 2 at least)

I don't want praise or congratulations, I don't even know you, anon and you don't know me. I just want anons to stop projecting onto me and to stop saying that I didn't do things or I did do things when I did do them or I didn't do them. You literally said I talk about Spartacus but don't mention Agron and Nasir and I was like what is this person talking about? Because I do. And I only talk about canon ships on the show, which goes for quite a bit of the shows I talk about anyway??

and two others that involved characters who died?

What does them being dead have to do with anything when Lucretia and Iliythia and Gaia are also dead? Everyone is dead! Except for Nasir.

which you've raved about way more than the former.

Yeah, I talk about Blood and Sand Crixus and Naevia more because they're the ship that I like the most. How does that in anyway invalidate Agron and Nasir? Or invalidate that they're a ship that I also like especially when I've mentioned repeatedly that I like them?

and gloss over you ignoring the others?

If you ship Gaia and Lucretia or Ilityhia and Lucretia then go for it but I don't see why I have to ship them or why me not talking about them is a stain on my character, like I'm required to like or talk about these ships?

now all your blah blah about all the queer characters you do talk about.

I don't even ... what? "You don't talk about queer characters" "Actually, I do and here are--" "Blah Blah who cares" lol OK.

stop expecting people to comb through it anytime they have a question for you or make it more accessible to everyone.

I don't control the way that tumblr works. I have been on this site for nearly a decade and was asked repeatedly by anons for, like, two years to create master lists so they can easily peruse my posts and wouldn't have to keep sending me asks for links and then when I do create master lists and explain what's in the master lists, they aren't used.

I explain ways to search tags or to go to the search engine so people can find tags. I do not think it's asking too much to search a blog before sending an ask.

silver/madi/flint doesn't exclude madi in any way though you just don't like flint.

I was talking about how in the tags, at the time anyway, it was difficult to find anything just about Madi and Silver's relationship but it wasn't difficult to find things just about Silver and Flint, the fandom was indeed excluding Madi.

my point is the one time you speak of xena (THAT IVE SEEN) you speak of an het ship

Well I didn't really speak about Xena or the merits of any of the relationships, I don't even remember Xena that well, I was just trying to find a pairing that conveyed what I wanted without using the same ships that I always used so yeah, I used Ares and Xena because of the context. If I found gifs of Gabrielle and Xena that conveyed what I wanted, I would've used those gifs. That's why the context matters.

i don't think you've said you're the authority on anything and meant it literally you just act like it over and over and then give turn into the pikachu face meme when people point it out to you.

All I can do is laugh at this.

i don't detest your opinions i detest your condescending tone which you employ liberally with everyone regardless of how they first address you. an anon will earnestly ask your opinion on something or state their own and ask if you agree and you'll just respond with a question as if that in itself isn't condescending bullshit

I've literally explained why I ask questions and that it helps me better engage with anons because I want to have a conversation about what they're really getting at so I've explained my thought process. This is your projection, this is your bullshit because I've made myself clear.

[drcuriouslxix]

DRV3 characters from worst to best at sex

N/A: Himiko. Sorry, this is a child. This thing is, like, 12 years old.

15: Miu. Horny, but actually absolute dogshit in bed. Doesn’t matter how many toys and weird kinks she tries to spice things up with (a lot); she’s still the absolute worst lay you could ever find.

14: Kiibo. No dick. No experience with friends or basic humanity to approach even the most tepid erotic forms of intimacy. The only reason Miu has a good time with him is she’s a fucking desperate freak and he’s obligated to be around her for it.

13.5: Tenko, if you’re male and submissive. She’s going to kick you really hard in the junk, and this will be your only sexual interaction. Like, we’re talking ‘holy shit call an ambulance’ levels of kick. If that’s what does it for you, congrats, I guess.

13: Kaito. The whole ‘severely dying’ thing really did a number on his ability to perform. He’d have decent potential as a pillow princess, but his weird masculine pride means he’ll never try anything but domming and topping.

12: Gonta. This is going to be easily the most controversial ranking on the list. I think he would be a very lovely person and partner, like a true gentleman! But I don’t think he could ever learn genuinely good physical technique, and I have a deep conviction that he’s not actually as big as his stature suggests.

11: Shuuichi. We never get to actually see how he performs during the love hotel scenes, but he seems pretty reluctant to engage in any of the actual sexytimes. I don’t want to definitively state anything since I’m not part of this community, but I feel like he might be asexual? In any case he’s a protagonist for you to project onto, which means definitionally he can’t be particularly exceptional or interesting.

10: Korekiyo. Absolutely one of the most perverted characters, but his heart belongs to another, and I think once it gets to the actual dicking down his performance would be average at best. He’ll do weird obscure foreplay shit with you all night, but the actual pounding will largely be forgettable, if it happens at all.

9: Rantaro. The entire subplot pertaining to this character is about learning that he is Literally Just Some Guy. Have you had sex with some guy? Just a regular dude? A bloke? Congratulations, you know what it’s like to have sex with Rantaro Amami. 

8: Tsumugi. Like Rantaro, conspicuously plain and regular. Which of these two is better is going to just come down to what gender you prefer. WILL NOT have cosplay sex with you.

???: Mastermind Tsumugi. A few baseline points above regular Tsumugi by virtue of evil women being hotter, but more relevant here is the cosplay/transformation. Her mimicry is perfect to the character, and that includes their skill in bed. This ranges from impossibly bad (Leon), to really quite good (Peko), to unbelievably off the charts incredible (Celeste). She WILL be changing a minimum of a dozen times over the course of the night, though, so be prepared.

7: Kaede. Also has relatable protagonist syndrome, but to a much less intense degree. Enthusiastic, adventurous. Probably inexperienced but very earnest, I want to say she mentions it being her first time during the love hotel? Not the best night of your life, but a fine person to lose your virginity with. Don’t try choking, though.

6: Tenko, if you’re a girl, or if you’re genderfucky and submissive. Getting into the ‘legitimately good’ tier. Very, very enthusiastic lesbian, athletic, eager to please. Kind of pushy and clingy, though, so it may not be worth it in the long run. This isn’t even her final form…

5: Maki. The kuudere thing can be a little off-putting, but if you get her to open up she’ll be very sweet and affectionate, and training as an assassin gives you remarkable flexibility and control over your body. Also, given the big secret she’s already hiding, who knows what kind of freaky shit she might be into?

4: Ryoma. He’s been to prison and I am going to choose to assume that he got the good kind of prison sex experience. He won’t be much for aftercare, and he doesn’t have the body to assert a lot of physical force, but he has learned a GOOD number of things.

3: Angie. The obligatory unnecessarily sexualized tan-skinned girl for the game. Definitely worth critiquing from a Doylist perspective, but from a Watsonian perspective, she’s definitely a very very tempting, attractive, and fairly eager option. Probably there will be weird Atua-related kink bullshit, but if you can put up with that, her execution of the actual sex parts is top-tier.

2: Kirumi. MAID MOMMY MAID MOMMY MAID M- ahem, sorry. Elegant, accommodating, very very submissive and very very talented at basically everything. However, it’s rare that she’ll take the initiative in anything. Whatever you ask her for, kink or sex act, she’ll do with all her skills as SHSL Maid, but she’s not going to do anything you don’t explicitly request, and her creativity might be a little lacking. But. Come on. She’s a maid!

1.5: Tenko, if you’re a guy or genderfucky, and dominant. Secret free use/full time submission fantasies OFF THE CHARTS. Imagine Kirumi but genuinely horny for all of it and aggressively submissive. How long you can put up with this depends on how long you can stay in domspace, but if you’re into having power and exercising it, then you - and she! - will have a very, VERY good time. The well-trained body of the SHSL Aikido Master is yours, as long as you have the will to take it.

1: Kokichi. It is unfair and infuriating how good this man’s pussy game is. He does not fucking deserve the natural talent he possesses. You’ll have the best night of your life and then regret it every moment thereafter

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Skating on Thin Ice - Chapter 3 - Part 3

*Warning - Adult Content*

Elijah Ellis

Part of me wanted to bail on Joshua and the team, knowing I would feel out of place there.

However, I knew I would only continue to feel out of place on the team if I didn't at least try to befriend them.

Ryan and Jude were nice but if I never accepted their invitations, they would probably stop talking to me.

Soon after, Joshua pulled up to the curb in front of Trevor's house.

"Let me know if you need a ride home," Joshua said as I opened the door to leave.

"Unless you're staying the night..."

I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not. I'll call you."

I slowly made my way up to the house before reaching the front door.

Before I could even knock, the door swung open, revealing an annoyed looking Nadia.

"Thank God you're here," Nadia said, pulling me by my arm into the house.

I could only imagine what had Nadia upset this time.

"Why?" I asked slowly, hoping the reason wouldn't be that her and Lexa were fighting again.

I didn't feel like dealing with that tonight.

"Johnny is getting on my last nerve," she answered through gritted teeth.

I knew that Johnny and Nadia didn't really get along.

I had found that out pretty early on.

It seemed as though everything Johnny did annoyed her.

"What'd he do?" I mumbled as Nadia dragged me through the house, into the den.

"Just being his know-it-all self, like always," she said in a low tone.

When the two of us entered the den, I saw Trevor, Johnny, Lexa and a few other kids from GSA lounging around and talking animatedly with each other.

"Elijah's here," Nadia announced, causing everyone to turn toward us.

"I thought you were getting us drinks?" Lexa asked her.

"I was but Elijah was at the door," she answered, going to sit by her girlfriend.

"Elijah," Trevor greeted with a smile, waving me over.

"Come sit."

I obliged, walking over to sit beside him and Johnny, along with another GSA kid named Austin.

"What's up?" Austin asked kindly, taking a sip of his water.

"Elijah made the hockey team," Trevor answered for me with a wide smile.

Austin gave me an impressed look.

"Wow, congrats man."

"Thanks," I replied with a small, awkward smile.

Lucky you getting to see the hockey boys all hot and sweaty," Austin teased, a devilish smirk on his face.

My face flushed, looking toward Trevor to see that he was shooting Austin a scowl and shaking his head.

"I guess," I said awkwardly.

"Come on," Austin continued.

"You can't tell me you don't find any of them attractive. Not even Fox?"

I scoffed.

"I'm not blind."

Austin let out a loud laugh at my words, slapping me on the shoulder and giving me a look of approval.

"I'm more into your brother, myself," Austin admitted jokingly.

I gave him a strange look.

"Joshua isn't my actual brother."

Austin shrugged.

"He's still hot."

I decided not to comment on that.

Joshua had been my step-brother for so long, I could never look at him in that way.

"Anyway," Trevor cut in, causing Austin and I to look at him.

"We were just about to put in a movie. Do you have any requests, Elijah?"

I shrugged, shaking my head.

"I'm good with whatever."

"We want a lesbian movie," I heard Lexa exclaim from the other side of the room.

The girl beside her, Holly, nodded in agreement.

"I agree with Lexa," Nadia said, sitting down on her girlfriend's lap.

Trevor tossed them the remote.

"Then you pick it."

Nadia caught the remote with ease, giving Trevor an arrogant expression, before using the remote to navigate Netflix on his TV.

The night hadn't been as awkward as I anticipated.

We watched a movie that Nadia had picked out on Netflix and made joking commentary throughout it.

Overall, it was a good night, though I still didn't know if I could ever see myself fully fitting in with this crowd.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

So lemme get this straight: a lesbian asexual is still lesbian, and a gay asexual is still gay, but a straight asexual isn't straight?

in my boundless, infinite compassion, i am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and answer this question genuinely, so that people reading this and maybe even you, anon, can be lifted from the depths of ignorance. all gifts of thanks and tribute can be sent to my PO box. you’re welcome.

so let’s define some terms, in simple words that even you can understand! these are going to be oversimplifications. i think it’s important to start simple when we’re introducing such big concepts

lesbian: a woman who is romantically or sexually attracted exclusively to other women.

gay: a person of any gender who is romantically or sexually attracted exclusively to their same gender

straight: a man or woman who is romantically or sexually attracted exclusively to the other gender

so in this case, straight aces are, congrats anon, straight! as are straight trans people! wowie!!

“but wait!” you cry out, weeping tears of confusion. “that means straight aces aren’t queer!” 

i take your shoulders in my kind, gentle hands, wipe away your tears, and press a small platonic kiss to your damp forehead. “no, my dear pupil. notice i also said straight trans people are straight. and yet, as i’m sure you already know, straight trans people are still a part of our community. can you guess why?”

you shake your head tearfully. “no... i know they are, because the internet told me, but i... i’ve never thought about why.”

i pet your hair. “shh, it’s alright. we all have to think things through on our own, to learn and grow as people. here, let me walk you through it. straight trans people are included in the community because we include everyone who isn’t cishet. do you know what that word means? it expands into cisgender heterosexual heteroromantic.”

you nod, taking down notes in the notebook i have thoughtfully provided you.

“do you know what ace is short for? for extra credit, can you define aro too?”

your lip wobbles, afraid of getting it wrong, afraid of failure. “a-asexual? and... uh... aromantic?”

i nod and clap, and you brighten again. “correct! and what is asexual not? actually, here, i’ll do this one for you-” i write a note on the chalkboard. “-heterosexual!”

“s-so that means...” you look down at the complex equations that are flowing from your hands, as your subconscious puts the pieces together without your conscious thought. “straight aces are straight... but... but not cishet! which means, like straight trans people, they’re queer!”

“correct!” i cry, picking you up from the floor. “you did it! i’m so proud of you!”

we go out for ice cream to celebrate. i let you buy a large bowl, and pay for it. the day is warm and the sky shines down radiantly, as though the whole universe is celebrating your progress towards enlightenment. it is a good day, you think.

[the-drunken-huntsman]

Four months ago I published a skyrim sexyman quiz and I have not known peace since.

The very last question was an open response that stated the following: "Okay, now you can yell at me for not including your favorite skyrim sexy man." The responses I got were concerning at best and downright insanity inducing at worst. Here is a (nonexhaustive) list of them.

Dilfs were literally one of the possible outcomes idk what else you want from me babe

Idk how to tell you this but that's the wrong game honey. No the spectral assasin doesn't count

🤡 I don't feel safe

And I'm a lesbian but you still took my quiz so I guess that makes us both clowns

Morrowind, last I checked

Well at least you're self aware

And finally the only valid answer I got. 👏 congrats bestie you're so right

[witch-without-gender]

youre just homophobic, there isnt much else to it. not everyone can be bisexual. not everyone can be attracted to the other sex's genitalia or body. i dont need to call myself superlesbian or some shit because being a lesbian alone should be enough to say "im a female who likes pussy and only pussy" but yall homophobes have ruined that to validate your nonexistant ~genders~ (as in, gender itself isnt a real thing). i can tell you dont think homosexuality is an innate and natural thing. i can tell you think all people have the capacity to be bisexual and experience attraction to the opposite sex.

males and females have different bone structures, especially in the face, and im not at all attracted to male faces. most trans woman still have visibly male bone structure and are therefore not sexually attractive to me (or other homosexual women). even trans women who do have passing facial structures still either have a penis or a faux vagina that isnt even self lubricating, so again, not attractive to real lesbians (aka homosexual woman). id also like to mention to you that if you do your research, trans women will never be able to carry children because their bodies literally dont and cant produce the hormones needed to keep a fetus alive. not to even mention that a male body would almost certainly reject have a uterus put into it.

and btw, lots of (actual homosexual) lesbians would be willing to date a trans person if hes FtM! because sexuality is based in a person's SEX, not something as made-up as gender.

why do you feel the need to help pressure homosexual women into dating people who are male? why isnt it good enough for bisexual women to date trans women? why do us lesbians need to validate them by pretending wed date dick-havers? why dont you realize it would be traumatic for an actual homosexual women to be in sexual contact with a penis?

There’s so much wrong with this I don’t even know where to start. But I guess I’ll start with the fact that claiming to be able to know if someone is biologically male/female is both sexist AND racist. This is literally how you get cis women, mainly cis women of color, being accused of being trans in sports. A lot of them just naturally have higher testosterone levels, which affects both their performance and appearance and because of people like you, they get scrutinized.

As for the “non self lubricating vagina” crap, vaginal dryness is a thing a lot of cis women experience. Sure it’s not exactly the same thing, but are you really gonna dislike a woman based solely on the fact that she’s dry? Bc that sounds pretty stupid to me.

And again, I stated it as a hypothetical. I love how y’all just prove over and over again that you don’t actually read anyone else’s arguments and just throw the same, stale, disproven bullshit at us over and over again.

I haven’t met a single lesbian who would actually date a trans man. Most that I’ve met just acknowledge that trans men are men, and one just hated trans people on the basis of our being trans. Also, just to be that person, if you consider yourself a lesbian but would still find yourself attracted to a trans man who has had bottom surgery, congrats you like dick lmfao.

I don’t want to pressure anyone into dating anyone else. I just want exclusionists to stop treating trans people like a monolith. And you’re doing that thing terfs do where they act as if every trans woman has a penis. News flash, bottom surgery still exists. You were just talking abt trans women with vaginas 5 seconds ago. How do they all now suddenly have dicks again?

Also just hilarious that you’re calling me, a pansexual queer, homophobic. Oh but do go ahead and be panphobic. Please tell me all about how I’m actually bisexual (as if bisexuality doesn’t also include all genders literally in the bisexual manifesto) or straight. Please tell me what my sexuality actually is just like you claim I’m doing to you.

Anyway, seriously get off anon so I can block you or I will stop answering these. I’m tired of having the same argument over and over again with you misogynistic, racist, transphobic fucks. Get over it or get bent.

[testudoaubrei-blog]

Content note for discussions of eternal damnation, and all sorts of other shit that will trigger a lot of folks with religious trauma.

Before I get started I might as well explain where I’m coming from - unlike a lot of She-Ra fans, and a lot of queer people, I don’t have much religious trauma, or any, maybe (okay there were a number of years I was convinced I was going to hell, but that happens to everyone, right?). I was raised a liberal Christian by liberal Christian parents in the Episcopal Church, where most of my memories are overwhelmingly positive. Fuck, growing up in the 90’s, Chuch was probably the only place outside my home I didn’t have homophobia spewed at me. Because it was the 90’s and it was a fucking hellscape of bigotry where 5 year olds knew enough to taunt each other with homophobic slurs and the adults didn’t know enough to realize how fucked up that was. Anyway. This is my experience, but it is an atypical one, and I know it. Quite frankly I know that my experience of Christianity has very little at all to do with what most people experienced, or what people generally mean when they talk about Christianity as a cultural force in America today. So if you were raised Christian and you don’t recognize your theology here, congrats, neither do I, but these ideas and cultural forces are huge and powerful and dominant. And it’s this dominant Christian narrative that I’m referring to in this post. As well as, you know, a children’s cartoon about lesbian rainbow princesses. So here it goes. This is going to get batshit.

"All events whatsoever are governed by the secret counsel of God." - John Calvin

“We’re all just a bunch of wooly guys” - Noelle Stevenson

This is a post triggered by a single scene, and a single line. It’s one of the most fucked-up scenes in She-Ra, toward the end of Save the Cat. Catra, turned into a puppet by Prime, struggles with her chip, desperately trying to gain control of herself, so lost and scared and vulnerable that she flings aside her own death wish and her pride and tearfully begs Adora to rescue her. Adora reaches out , about to grab her, and then Prime takes control back, pronounces ‘disappointing’ and activates the kill switch that pitches Catra off the platform and to her death (and seriously, she dies here, guys - also Adora breaks both her legs in the fall). But before he does, he dismisses Catra with one of his most chilling lines. “Some creatures are meant only for destruction.”

And that’s when everyone watching probably had their heart broken a little bit, but some of the viewers raised in or around Christianity watching the same scene probably whispered ‘holy shit’ to themselves. Because Prime’s line - which works as a chilling and callous dismissal of Catra - is also an allusion to a passage from the Bible. In fact, it’s from one of the most fucked up passages in a book with more than its share of fucked up passages. It’s from Romans 9:22, and I’m going to quote several previous verses to give the context of the passage (if not the entire Epistle, which is more about who needs to abide by Jewish dietary restrictions but was used to construct a systematic theology in the centuries afterwards because people decided it was Eternal Truth).

19 Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will?

20 Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?

21 Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?

22 What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction:

The context of the allusion supports the context in the show. Prime is dismissing Catra - serial betrayer, liar, failed conqueror, former bloody-handed warlord - as worthless, as having always been worthless and fit only to be destroyed. He is speaking from a divine and authoritative perspective (because he really does think he’s God, more of this in my TL/DR Horde Prime thing). Prime is echoing not only his own haughty dismissal of Catra, and Shadow Weaver’s view of her, but also perhaps the viewer’s harshest assessment of her, and her own worst fears about herself. Catra was bad from the start, doomed to destroy and to be destroyed. A malformed pot, cracked in firing, destined to be shattered against a wall and have her shards classified by some future archaeologist 2,000 years later. And all that’s bad enough.

But the full historical and theological context of this passage shows the real depth of Noelle Stevenson’s passion and thought and care when writing this show. Noelle was raised in Evangelical or Fundamentalist Christianity. To my knowledge, he has never specified what sect or denomination, but in interviews and her memoir Noelle has shown a particular concern for questions that this passage raises, and a particular loathing for the strains of Protestant theology that take this passage and run with it - that is to say, Calvinism. So while I’m not sure if Noelle was raised as a conservative, Calvinist Presbyterian, his preoccupation with these questions mean that it’s time to talk about Calvinism.

It would be unfair, perhaps, to say that Calvinism is a systematic theology built entirely upon the Epistles of Romans and Galatians, but only -just- (and here my Catholic readers in particular will chuckle to themselves and lovingly stroke their favorite passage of the Epistle of James). The core of Calvinist Doctrine is often expressed by the very Dutch acronym TULIP:

Total Depravity - people are wholly evil, and incapable of good action or even willing good thoughts or deeds

Unconditional Election - God chooses some people to save because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, not because they did anything to deserve, trigger or accept it

Limited Atonement - Jesus died only to save the people God chose to save, not the rest of us bastards

Irresistible Grace - God chooses some people to be saved - if you didn’t want to be saved, too bad, God said so.

Perseverance of the Saints - People often forget this one and assume it’s ‘predestination’ but it’s actually this - basically, once saved by God, always saved, and if it looks like someone falls out of grace, they were never saved to begin with. Well that’s all sealed up tight I guess.

Reading through these, predestination isn’t a single doctrine in Calvinism but the entire theological underpinnings of it together with humanity’s utter powerlessness before sin. Basically God has all agency, humanity has none. Calvinism (and a lot of early modern Protestantism) is obsessed with questions of how God saves people (grace alone, AKA Sola Fides) and who God saves (the people god elects and only the people God elects, and fuck everyone else).

It’s apparent that Noelle was really taken by these questions, and repelled by the answers he heard. He’s alluded to having a tattoo refuting the Gospel passage about Sheep and Goats being sorted at the end times, affirming instead that ‘we’re all just a bunch of wooly guys’ (you can see this goat tattoo in some of his self-portraits in comics, etc). He’s also mentioned that rejecting and subverting destiny is a huge part of everything he writes as a particular rejection of the idea that some individual people are 'chosen' by God or that God has a plan for any of us. You can see that -so clearly- in Adora’s arc, where Adora embraces and then rejects destiny time and again and finally learns to live life for herself.

But for Catra, we’re much more concerned about the most negative aspect of this - the idea that some people are vessels meant for destruction. And that’s something else that Noelle is preoccupied with. In her memoir in the section about leaving the church and becoming a humanistic atheist, there is a drawing of a pot and the question ‘Am I a vessel prepared for destruction?’ Obviously this was on Noelle’s mind (And this is before he came out to himself as queer!).

To look at how this question plays out in Catra’s entire arc, let’s first talk about how ideas of damnation and salvation actually play out in society. And for that I’m going to plug one of my favorite books, Gin Lun’s Damned Nation: Hell in America from the Revolution to Reconstruction (if you can tell by now, I am a fucking blast at parties). Lun tells the long and very interesting story about, how ideas of hell and who went there changed during the Early American Republic. One of the interesting developments that she talks about is how while at first people who were repelled by Calvinism started moving toward a doctrine of universal salvation (no on goes to hell, at least not forever*), eventually they decided that hell was fine as long as only the right kind of people went there. Mostly The Other - non-Christian foreigners, Catholics, Atheists, people who were sinners in ways that were not just bad but weird and violated Victorian ideas of respectability. Really, Hell became a way of othering people, and arguably that’s how it survives today, especially as a way to other queer people (but expanding this is slated for my Montero rant). Now while a lot of people were consciously rejecting Calvinist predestination, they were still drawing the distinction between the Elect (good, saved, worthwhile) and the everyone else (bad, damned, worthless). I would argue that secularized ideas of this survive to this day even among non-Christian spaces in our society - we like to draw lines between those who Elect, and those who aren’t.

And that’s what brings us back to Catra. Because Catra’s entire arc is a refutation of the idea that some people are worthless and irredeemable, either by nature, nurture or their own actions. Catra’s actions strain the conventions of who is sympathetic in a Kid’s cartoon - I’ve half joked that she’s Walter White as a cat girl, and it’s only half a joke. She’s cruel, self-deluded, she spends 4 seasons refusing to take responsibility for anything she does and until Season 5 she just about always chooses the thing that does the most damage to herself and others. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, the show goes out of its way to demonstrate that Catra is morally culpable in every step of her descent into evil (except maybe her break with reality just before she pulls the lever). The way that Catra personally betrays everyone around her, the way she strips herself of all of her better qualities and most of what makes her human, hell even her costume changes would signal in any other show that she’s irredeemable.

It’s tempting to see this as Noelle’s version of being edgy - pushing the boundaries of what a sympathetic character is, throwing out antiheroics in favor of just making the villain a protagonist. Noelle isn’t quite Alex ‘I am in the business of traumatizing children’ Hirsch, who seems to have viewed his job as pushing the bounds of what you could show on the Disney Channel (I saw Gravity Falls as an adult and a bunch of that shit lives rent free in my nightmares forever), but Noelle has his own dark side, mostly thematically. The show’s willingness to deal with abuse, and messed up religious themes, and volatile, passionate, not particularly healthy relationships feels pretty daring. I’m not joking when I gleefully recommend this show to friends as ‘a couple from a Mountain Goats Song fights for four seasons in a cartoon intended for 9 year olds’. Noelle is in his own way pushing the boundaries of what a kids show can do. If you read Noelle’s other works like Nimona, you see an argument for Noelle being at least a bit edgy. Nimona is also angry, gleefully destructive, violent and spiteful - not unlike Catra. Given that it was a 2010s webcomic and not a kids show, Nimona is a good deal worse than Catra in some ways - Catra doesn’t kill people on screen, while Nimona laughs about it (that was just like, a webcomic thing - one of the fan favorite characters in my personal favorite, Narbonic, was a fucking sociopath, and the heroes were all amoral mad scientists, except for the superintelligent gerbil**). But unlike Nimona, whose fate is left open ended, Catra is redeemed.

And that is weird. We’ve had redemption arcs, but generally not of characters with -so- much vile stuff in their history. Going back to the comparison between her and Azula, many other shows, like Avatar, would have made Catra a semi-sympathetic villain who has a sob-story in their origin but who is beyond redemption, and in so doing would articulate a kind of psychologized Calvinism where some people are too traumatized to ever be fully and truly human. I’d argue this is the problem with Azula as a character - she’s a fun villain, but she doesn’t have moral agency, and the ultimate message of her arc - that she’s a broken person destined only to hurt people - is actually pretty fucked up. And that’s the origin story of so many serial killers and psycopaths that populate so many TV shows and movies. Beyond ‘hurt people hurt people’ they have nothing to teach us except perhaps that trauma makes you a monster and that the only possible response to people doing bad things is to cut them out of your life and out of our society (and that’s why we have prisons, right?)

And so Catra’s redemption and the depths from which she claws herself back goes back to Noelle’s desire to prove that no person is a vessel ‘fitted for destruction.’ Catra goes about as far down the path of evil as we’ve ever seen a protagonist in a kids show go, and she still has the capacity for good. Importantly, she is not subject to total depravity - she is capable of a good act, if only one at first. Catra is the one who begins her own redemption (unlike in Calvinism, where grace is unearned and even unwelcomed) - because she wants something better than what she has, even if its too late, because she realizes that she never wanted any of this anyway, because she wants to do one good thing once in her life even if it kills her.

The very extremity of Catra’s descent into villainy serves to underline the point that Noelle is trying to make - that no one can be written off completely, that everyone is capable of change, and that no human being is garbage, no matter how twisted they’ve become. Meanwhile her ability to set her own redemption in motion is a powerful statement of human agency, and healing, and a refutation of Calvinism’s idea that we are powerless before sin or pop cultural tropes about us being powerful before the traumas of our upbringing. Catra’s arc, then, is a kind of anti-Calvinist theological statement - about the nature of people and the nature of goodness.

Now, there is a darker side to this that Noelle has only hinted at, but which is suggested by other characters on the show. Because while Catra’s redemption shows that people are capable of change, even when they’ve done horrible things, been fucked up and fucked themselves up, it also illustrates the things people do to themselves that make change hard. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, two of the most sinister parts of her descent into villainy are her self-dehumanization (crushing her own compassion and desire to do good) and her rewriting of her own history in her speech and memory to make her own actions seem justified (which we see with her insistence that Adora left her, eliding Adora’s offers to have Catra join her, or her even more clearly false insistence that Entrapta had betrayed them). In Catra, these processes keep her going down the path of evil, and allow her to nearly destroy herself and everyone else. But we can see the same processes at work in two much darker figures - Shadow Weaver and Horde Prime. These are both rants for another day, but the completeness of Shadow Weaver’s narcissistic self-justification and cultivated callousness and the even more complete narcissism of Prime’s god complex cut both characters off from everyone around them. Perhaps, in a theoretical sense, they are still redeemable, but for narrative purposes they might as well be damned.

This willingness to show a case where someone -isn’t- redeemed actually serves to make Catra’s redemption more believable, especially since Noelle and the writers draw the distinction between how Catra and SW/Prime can relate to reality and other people, not how broken they are by their trauma (unlike Zuko and Azula, who are differentiated by How Fucked Uolp They Are). Redemption is there, it’s an option, we can always do what is right, but someone people will choose not to, in part because doing the right thing involves opening ourselves to the world and others, and thus being vulnerable. Noelle mentions this offhandedly in an interview after Season 1 with the She-Ra Progressive of Power podcast - “I sometimes think that shades of grey, sympathetic villains are part of the escapist fantasy of shows like this.” Because in the real world, some people are just bastards, a point that was particularly clear in 2017. Prime and Shadow Weaver admit this reality, while Catra makes a philosophical point that even the bastards can change their ways (at least in theory).

*An idea first proposed in the second century by Origen, who’s a trip and a fucking half by himself, and an idea that becomes the Catholic doctrine of purgatory, which protestants vehemently denied!

**Speaking of favorite Noelle tropes

[fruitcoops]

Guess the Two of Us

Hey folks! I’ve been watching Cut videos recently to get inspiration for more Lions social media fics and have found several wonderful ideas. This is based on the video where someone has to match up couples from a group people they’ve never met--I love O’Knutzy, but seeing as they’re not out yet, I did not include them in this.

Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove, but Grace is mine! Let me know if you’re still enjoying the social media fics :)

“Do I just talk to the camera?” a young woman in a yellow dress asked. Someone offscreen nodded and she smiled. “Hello, hockey fans! I’m Grace and I’ll be doing a video for the Lion Pride channel today.”

“Grace, do you keep up with the hockey world?” Marlene’s voice was a bit muffled behind the camera.

“Not at all, I’m more into softball, baseball, that kind of thing.”

“Do you live in Gryffindor?”

“Nope! I’m visiting family and I was in the coffee shop across the street when someone offered to have me film a video for the network.”

“We’re going to bring ten people out and you’re going to match the couples. Sound good?”

“Oh, god, this is going to be hard,” Grace laughed. “Sure, I’ll give it a tryrst.”

“Alright, the rest of you can line up behind her. Grace, I’ll tell you when you can turn around and start guessing. You can ask them to hold hands, kiss, dance, whatever will give you a better idea of their relationship.” Ten people walked out from behind the camera into a loose semi-circle. “Ready? Go!”

“Whew, okay, no pressure.” Grace turned to face them. “Okay, first one.” She bit her lip and scanned the group, then pointed to Lily and Natalie hesitantly. “You both look very nice and very intimidating. Could you come here for a second and hold hands?”

“Are you using new moisturizer?” Lily asked as she twined their fingers together; Kasey covered his mouth in the background. “Your hands are so soft.”

Grace looked between them for a moment, narrowing her eyes. “As much as you two would make an absolute power couple, I think you’re just really good friends. Who’s the guy that’s laughing over there?”

“I’m Kasey,” he said around his laughter.

“You’re her boyfriend, aren’t you?” She gestured to Natalie; he didn’t answer the question, but she nodded anyway. “Yeah, I’m calling it.”

“Nat, Kasey, you guys can stand over to the left,” Marlene said.

“I’m feeling a little better now, this is good!” Grace said as she faced the others again, bouncing on her toes a bit. “Tall guy and slightly shorter guy, can you come up?”

“Since when am I ‘slightly shorter guy’?” James grumbled as he walked over with Sirius.

“Since we met! I’ve always been taller than you.”

“The banter is a good sign,” Grace mused. “Hmmm. If you’re comfortable, could you give him a kiss on the cheek?” Sirius leaned down and planted one on James, who grinned. “This is tough. You’re either dating or just, like, peak best friends.”

“You can ask them to say, ‘I love you’,” Marlene suggested out of frame.

Grace turned back to them. “Could you?”

They faced each other and James took Sirius’ hands, looking deep into his eyes. “I love you.”

“Love you, too—” Sirius caught himself at the last second and Grace sighed.

“You were going to finish that with ‘dude’ or something, weren’t you?” she asked; his poker face broke immediately. “Damn it. I thought I had that one.”

“She’s good at this,” Lily commented from the line.

“Can you come to the front for a second? Sirius, you can head back.”

Lily stuck her hands in her pockets as she stood next to James. “I get the slightly shorter guy. Nice.”

Grace paused. “At first I was almost positive you were together, but now I feel like you would step on him. Is that rude?” Everyone else started cheering and she smiled as James flushed. “Sorry, you just have a presence!”

“Thank you!”

“Alright, I can’t decide. You can both go back,” she finally said. Remus gave Lily a nudge as she returned to her place and Grace’s eyebrows rose. “Sweater guy, can you step up to the plate?” Remus obliged and she tilted her head to the side. “So, I was going to say you were Lily’s boyfriend because of the little moment back there, but there is no way you’re heterosexual.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose as the rest of the group burst out laughing. “I mean, you’re right, but holy shit that was fast. Twenty-five years of pretending to be straight, wasted.”

“Hey, same!” They high-fived and she surveyed the other seven people. “Hmmm. Can the guy in the red shirt come over for a minute?” Talker walked over with a wide grin on his face. “Oh, the vibe is definitely there. I feel like he steals your sweaters.” Out of Grace’s sightline, dawning horror overtook Sirius’ face. “Can you hug?”

“Yeah, sure.” Talker held his arms out and Remus settled into them, giving him a tight squeeze around the chest.

“I can see it, I can see it,” Grace said, nodding. “Yeah, I think you two are a couple.”

“Three pairs left,” Marlene said.

“How are all of you so pretty?” Grace sighed as she turned back to the group. “Can the lady in the purple shirt and the one who looks like she could bench-press me come forward? What do you two do for a living?”

“Professional hockey,” Noelle said.

June grinned. “I’m a mechanic.”

“That’s so cool. Hmm. Could you slow dance for a second?” June wrapped her arms around Noelle’s waist, leaving a decent amount of room between them as they swayed. “You’re so cute together, oh my god.”

“Is that a yes?” June asked as they separated.

“Absolutely.” Grace blew out a long breath. Only James, Sirius, Heather, and Lily were left. “This is so difficult. How did it get harder with fewer people? Well, the lovely lady in the jacket has a rainbow pin, so I’m going to say you two are together. I am a hundred percent sure those two guys aren’t dating because of the ‘bro’ thing, but there’s nobody else left.”

“Do you want to do a rematch before your final decision?” Marlene offered.

Grace looked over at the group of already-paired couples on the left. She hesitated, then shook her head. “I know I got at least two wrong, but I don’t want to mess everything else up.”

“In that case, you’re going to face the camera and close your eyes. Everyone, get together with your real partners and put rings on if you have them.”

“Rings?” Her jaw dropped. “Some of them are married?”

“There’s one married couple and two are engaged.”

“If I accidentally ruined someone’s future, please know that I am so sorry.”

“There’s a very low chance of that,” Sirius said as he slid his ring on.

“Okay, Grace, turn around.”

Grace turned and covered her mouth with both hands. “Awww! How many did I get right?”

“One.”

“One?” Kasey and Natalie waved, and she sighed. “Please tell me you’re at least engaged.”

“Nope, sorry.”

“Shit.”

“Let’s start with this end,” Marlene laughed. “Pots, Lils, go ahead.”

“For the record, she could definitely step on me.” James grinned and kissed Lily’s temple. “We’re the married ones.”

“Wait, that’s so cute,” Grace said softly. “I totally see it.”

“So, why didn’t you pair them up?” Marlene asked.

“I don’t know! It seems so obvious now. How long have you been together?”

Lily leaned her head on James’ shoulder. “We met about eight years ago, had a baby last winter, and got married this past summer.”

“Congratulations!” June and Heather walked up next, hand-in-hand. “Well, at least I didn’t put either of you with one of the guys.”

June shrugged. “Noelle’s a cutie. If I wasn’t already engaged to the love of my life, I’d go there.”

“I put you two together because you had the jock-for-jock thing going, but this right here is couple goals.” Grace sniffled slightly. “Is it normal to get emotional about other people’s love?”

“You have three other couples to get through, you can’t cry yet!” Heather teased playfully as they moved to the end of the line.

Natalie winked. “You had us figured out right away.”

“Your boyfriend couldn’t stop laughing!”

Kasey snorted. “Sorry, it’s just that there’s a running joke among our friends that Lily and Nat are the true power couple. Even I didn’t notice the hand lotion, and we live together.”

She gasped as Talker and Noelle took their place. “Wait, what?”

“Surprise, I’m not a lesbian!” Noelle said, doing jazz hands. “Very flattered, though.”

“How do all these make so much sense?” Grace shook her head in disbelief. “At least I wasn’t wrong about the jock-for-jock vibe for one of the couples.”

Marlene stepped slightly into view. “Why didn’t you put Thomas and Noelle with each other?”

Grace shrugged. “They both had such good chemistry with the other people in the group. I’m sure I would’ve paired them up if I had seen them together, though.”

“Alright, final couple.” Talker and Noelle joined the back of the line; Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus’ waist as they stepped forward.

“You were right about the jock thing for two of the couples, actually,” Remus said with a grin. “Very impressive.”

“How did I miss this?” Grace looked at the camera crew, then back at them. “How the hell did I miss this?”

“Don’t worry, we were all oblivious for about three and a half months,” James said ruefully.

“Are you all friends?”

“All the guys play for the Lions, Gryffindor’s hockey team,” Marlene explained.

“The hockey questions make a lot more sense now. Does that mean you two play for the same team?”

“Literally or figuratively?” The corners of Sirius’ mouth twitched up as James rolled his eyes. “Yes, and yes. I’m the team captain.”

“I play wing,” Remus said.

“Did you two meet through hockey?”

Remus made a ‘so-so’ motion. “Sort of. I was the Lions’ physical therapist for two years before I was a player. We started spending more time together after Sirius broke his ankle.”

“Are you the other engaged couple?” Sirius beamed and held up his left hand. “Yeah, I thought so. Congrats, you’re both adorable!”

“Merci.”

“Do you want to sign us off, Grace?” Marlene asked as Sirius and Remus rejoined the rest of the group.

She turned to the camera and waved. “Thanks for watching, everyone!”

[ahqgg]

Good evening. As we know the bonfire is long past and everyone is just dying to know everything that went on, so let’s get on with it, shall we? I’m in the mood to be viciously blunt and you’re going to be in the mood to hear what I have to say.

So let’s go.

It looks like our dearest Rapunzel is finally moving on. That’s good, since Kit Charming was absent for most of the party to celebrate his engagement to Marie Bonfamille. He couldn’t have picked a more damaged woman, congrats! It’s nice to see what happens when people listen for once, hmm? But back to blondie. She was seen getting extra close and extra intimate with none other than Charlie Cheshire. Cat certainly has her tongue in this situation; I wonder what else he had that night? Our favorite kitty was busy pouncing on whoever he could, so it doesn’t shock me to see him finally have his way with her. 

Our “former local slut” is apparently still just as slutty. That’s right, our favorite mention Blaise Lumiere is at it again. It comes to no one’s surprise that he was seen drinking and grinding against every person he came into contact with. A few stolen kisses and a few quickies in the bathrooms, which by the way are not large at all, says all we need to say for us. Sluttiness comes in pairs though. While he was bumping and grinding, so was his best friend Claude. I guess we can officially say the stick is finally out of his ass. 

Our favorite fear monger Harold is finally out of hiding. He managed to scare his little ward Paislee away and piss of everyone around him in the same night. For him, I’m sure that was a success. I’m eager to see who he is going to take prisoner next. Meg is fun and all, but she has been rather boring these days, don’t you think? She is stuffing her mouth with baguettes a plenty but remember Meg...bread makes you fat. And we would hate to see you fall for the exact same set-up that got you where you are now. Then again....maybe we wouldn’t. 

What a few of you all missed was Hans and Alex getting into a fight over their precious manic pixie dream girl. If I was Anna I would be putting my man in a much needed time-out until he remembered who he was engaged to. Then again, if I was the one engaged to Hans he wouldn’t be so loudly disloyal to my face. I’m sure she is going to go to her local sad boy Jim for some affection and cuddles, but Anna, he isn’t who he seems either. He’s got a web woven of beautiful girls who are far more interesting and far more scandalous. I guess what I’m saying is...start keeping your future hubby’s interest, because there is no Plan B. Pun intended. 

In our happy little lesbian world, Samantha Manson and Wendy Corduroy were seen getting fairly hot and heavy. Has anyone told Sam yet about their track record? I’m giving it a month before they move on to the next hot brooding person on their never-ending list of conquests. Lil and Riley were surprisingly absent in the affection category. Trouble in paradise? I’m sure there are a few lucky ladies out there that would hope so! I’m not even sure which one of them is sought after the most, but I know both of them have a fair share of women at the ready to make them feel special.

Peyton Pascal seems to be in love. It didn’t take long, it didn’t take a lot, but here we have it. He seems to be taking a few notes from Rapunzel’s book here. I wonder if Bentley is ready for a spring wedding yet? Counter wise, we have a new bachelor in paradise! His name is Shaggy Rogers, there is so much left to be desired, and yet he has people falling over him like he is the hottest thing since sliced bread! He’s hot, I’ll give you all that....but again, there is just so much left to be desired. I’m sure if he takes a page from his little gang’s book he will be fumbling his title in no time! Or he could always seek out Victor Van Dort. He seems to have women at his feet and he doesn’t do a damn thing to earn it. Will Victor ever make a choice? Or will he become as vicious as our Blaisie and become the new slut in town?

As you can see, so much scandal, so little time. I’m sure there’s more, but the people of Animania are starting to bore me a little. 

Until next time

xoxo

gossip girl