#there is independence to a fault. we are each our own person and we need the basics

[wisteriasymphony]

Pulcinelle - Fragmentation

“Victory is still within my grasp, Nathalie! I have no need for the minor miraculous! Victory is mine, victory is mine!” Gabriel shouted through his phone, tearing his atelier apart while he paced like a caged tiger. 

The man had not rested for the slightest moment since the Chinese Miracle Box had been stolen from him, and his face wore the exhaustion like a coat of warpaint. Silvery gray hair fell over his brows in the haphazard manner of a battle-torn settlement, white banners of surrender tainted with ash as his eyes burned with a conqueror’s fury. And yet, he had conquered nothing. Monarch had crowned himself king with a power he no longer possessed. 

Raising up a crumpled diagram to the air, Gabriel continued to roar and howl. “I know the frequencies of each Kwami’s power! With the traces of their energy recorded within me, I shall be able to replicate them!” The ruined king burst into a manic laughter, shaking the paper like an empty chalice as its brothers swirled across tables and laid in dead heaps on the floor. “With the immense power of Embodied Transmission, all of the minor miraculous will be recreated and under my control! Do you understand, Nathalie? I’ve won! I have won!” 

Monarch Renatus - Alliance Rings

Alliance Rings shall be constructed of an alloy (hereby designated Alliance Alloy) of 50% Silver, 39.9999% Lutetium, 10% Scandium, and 0.0001% Miraculum. Miraculum powder shall be harvested independently and combined with Lutetium before the Alliance Alloy is synthesized. Miraculum powder will display properties similar to mica, giving Alliance Rings a faint purple sparkle that may be used as a marketable feature. 

Miraculum charged Alliance Rings -> Instantaneous Akumatization -> Potent Transmission? 

“Gabriel.“ 

“All I need is to convince Tomoe of this plan, and I’ll be—“ 

“Gabriel!” Nathalie was pinching her nose so hard she was half worried she would snap it off. “You had the Rabbit Miraculous with you, the first thing you should’ve done is gone back to save Emilie. We can’t keep helping you if you can’t help yourself!” 

“This isn’t just about Emilie anymore!” 

Gabriel began to choke at the sound of his own words, letting the phone drop to the floor. All at once, the room began to spin, the papers and charts around him like a sea of parchment with an ever-shifting gravity, no up nor down. He had to grasp the edge of the table to prevent himself from collapsing and remember, remember that it was all about Emilie and it would only ever be about Emilie. He had to remember the ghost she had become, picture his love slipping away and resolve beyond all means and measure to bring her back. It was about Emilie, and ergo everything was justified, nothing was his fault! Gabriel could swear he had never been at fault!

“Yeah,” Nathalie barked back. “I can tell.” 

And so she ended the call. 

—— Hours later, in another office… ——

“Where are they?” 

Gabriel was not at all comfortable with the idea of admitting failure to Tsurugi Tomoe. “Where is what?” He stammered out, loosening his collar with a finger. 

“The collection of minor miraculous,” she repeated herself. “You said you had them.” 

“When did I ever say that? You must, uh… You must be mistaken, Tomoe.” 

“At 21:08 last night exactly, I was greeted with an email in my personal inbox. Its contents were:” 

Madam Tsurugi,

 I am pleased to inform you that I have acquired the possession of fifteen minor miraculous this evening. I feel as though this may be beneficial to our plans for the Perfect Alliance Initiative, and would like to discuss alterations to our plans in the morning. As you know, these artifacts are highly powerful (albeit not what I am currently searching for), and I believe you will know the best course of action moving forward. 

An earlier meeting later on this evening would also suit me, although I do plan on following this sudden turn of events up with a grand speech to Paris as a whole to highlight Ladybug’s catastrophic blunder. Please refrain from contacting me until after I have concluded this. 

Signed, Gabriel Agreste 

“…That must have been an automated message.” 

“Do you take me for an idiot, Agreste?” 

Gabriel swallowed hard, bringing his face into a taut closed smile that pushed his glasses further up his face. The cocktail of drugs he’d taken to restore himself was only making Tomoe’s face swim before him, her features blending into a blurry blobfish mush that he couldn’t stay still long enough to focus on. The sweat rolled down his face with the tempo of his twitching cheek. 

“I can say with utmost certainty that—“ 

“That you take me for an idiot?” 

“No!” Gabriel blurted out. “…That what transpired last night was due to circumstances beyond my control. I believe the culprit we should turn our attentions towards is my nephew, Felix.“ 

“The fourteen year old boy?” 

Gabriel swallowed again, following the action up with a quiet, nervous laughter. Of course it had to be the most ridiculous thing, for a boy less than a third Gabriel’s age to defeat him, but there was simply no other leads! Gabriel could picture that twerp now, cackling to himself as he sifted through the jewels rightfully stolen for Gabriel, crying to his mother about how innocent he was and how his uncle deserved to be robbed like this! But Gabriel Agreste would not take this slight standing down, not for a moment. Just as Tomoe had put it, Felix was but a small defenseless child. 

“…Yes.” 

“I see no reason in working with you any longer if teenagers can surpass you in competence,” Tomoe stated coldly, rising from her chair. 

Gabriel slammed his hand down on the desk, the sweat from his palm graying the slick white sheen on the white wood. 

“One last gamble, Tomoe. I have one last gamble.” 

Gabriel fished out his brooch from underneath his jacket lapel, holding it up to the light. To the untrained eye, the center of the brooch was a cabochon of charoite, dark streaks clouding the surface of the gem. From its back shot out four spokes, the top two longer than the bottom: Pearlescent, shimmering nacre reflecting tones of lilac and blush pink. Silver veins ran up each wing tenderly, so thin they were hard to even notice. Perfect, invisible segments, tapering off at the ends of each wing into immaculate points. 

“Feel its power, Tomoe,” Gabriel panted, leaning onto the desk. “This is all we have ever needed! Imagine even an ember of this power flowing through the alloy in every ring! Even the smallest pinch of this brooch as a component, and I will have every customer of yours as my minions.” 

Tomoe slowly sat herself back down, keeping a hand on the table to steady herself. 

“And how do you plan on accomplishing this?” 

Gabriel’s laugh was hoarse and already sickly, his grasp on the brooch so tight the lower wings began to poke into the flesh of his hand. 

“If there’s anything I know intimately, Tomoe, it is that a miraculous can break,” he replied. “And if I can even shatter a single wing of this brooch, I can redistribute its power as I see fit.” 

taglist: @notchocostrwberry @beezonia @silliersiluriforme @lemons-taste @pyrusinc @wuhuislandconspiracy

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

when people say wwx is not truly good because he rightfully sought revenge (justice!!!??!!) against those who wronged him and his former sect... dude some of them are so silly it upsets me

I have said it before but I think when people read, they don't want to draw a line between the conventions of what are considered everyday expectations of what is considered justifiable morals in our very monotonous domestic lives, to that of what is presented as wild and fantastical for fantasy.

The best accompaniment I can think of to compare to what we see from MDZS in a well-known English work is The Hunger Games. We have a protagonist that is very proud and independent in their own talents, they know what their limitations are yet still are able to go above even those when they are pushed to do it, every time this is out of a sense of duty but also devotion to what they love. They are not naive of the cruelty of life and at times can even come off as rather jaded about the reality of their worlds for good reason as both essentially are made caretakers and keepers of children their own age because of the incompetence of the adults in their lives and needing to learn how to survive themselves, but still offer love and hope for the best for the ones they care about.

They are also both thrust into continuous life and death situations, not because of any fault of their own, but because they didn't want others to be hurt needlessly. Neither Katniss or Wei Wuxian WANT to be self-sacrificial, they actually fight tooth and nail to live, they want to live because it is very human, but they also disavow real cruelty, not justifiable vengeance. They kill themselves to survive and partake in gruesome ones, yet the thing is that even in their own settings these are not condemned as them having ever been wrong for that by the narratives, one is in first person perspective and the other is from an omniscient other perspective.

This also reflects in the traits of their respective love interest that they both admittedly knew little about but were unconsciously taken by in their younger days and continued to have that admiration grow partly in due to the kindness within the love interest that is focused on heavily as a point of draw. And ironically both are called "oblivious" in their feelings of love when no, they rationalize it as friendship each time throughout the novels until they can and do safely admit they cannot be or it would always be the other for them.

Morality is a very fine line to argue when what is not my every day expectations of it are defied by the themes meant for novels and plots. In not one instance would I try to say Wei Wuxian or Katniss are "morally grey" or not justified in their actions when they continued to stick to their own ideals as much as possible without compromising what they believed to be right. They themselves do not ever try to deny their part in hurt or harm caused but do not take more and do not want more blame then they realistically are due. Maybe people see that as selfish and callous, I for one do not when they decide to take responsibility for what is theirs all the while being unapologetic about wanting to survive and happiness as what they deem is happiness.

[agentrouka-blog]

Cersei is very much like Tywin. She is as dumb as he is (by that I mean, they are not actually dumb but blinded but their own faults and insecurities) the only difference between them is that he was a man so he was trained to be a good administrator and she had no training.

(post referenced)

Let's also remember that Cersei lost her mother at a young age. That's the person who would have been best suited and most responsible for educating her daughter in administrative matters, and after her death Tywin neither remarried nor likely paid that much attention to Cersei's specific education. It was enough that she was uncommonly beautiful and reasonably obedient to him.

We saw how she treated Tyrion's nursemaid. While she may have treated her Septa Saranella with more basic poiliteness, I doubt she felt the same deference that Sansa did for Mordane, especially given her resentment of the differences in her education compared to Jaime.

The queen's face was hard and angry. "Would that I could take a sword to their necks myself." Her voice was starting to slur. "When we were little, Jaime and I were so much alike that even our lord father could not tell us apart. Sometimes as a lark we would dress in each other's clothes and spend a whole day each as the other. Yet even so, when Jaime was given his first sword, there was none for me. 'What do I get?' I remember asking. We were so much alike, I could never understand why they treated us so differently. Jaime learned to fight with sword and lance and mace, while I was taught to smile and sing and please. (ACOK, Sansa VI)

Sansa seems to have been taught alongside the boys at least for part of her education, given she knows she is better at reading and writing than any of her brothers. No such recollection for Cersei. And note the emphasis on fighting for Jaime. Doubtlessly, he was taught by very experienced and competent teachers in everything pertaining to matters of warfare and knighthood. But he's not exactly a bright light when it comes to history, politics or the art of administration either. (Unless it's his special interest The Kingsguard.)

Cersei herself is hilariously aghast at his ignorance at one point.

"And Ossifer Plumm was much too dead, but that did not stop him fathering a child, did it?" Her brother looked lost. "Who was Ossifer Plumm? Was he Lord Philip's father, or . . . who?" He is near as ignorant as Robert. All his wits were in his sword hand. (AFFC, Cersei III)

Tyrion knew what he was about when he emphasized the importance of books and independent reading.

Alas, I was born a Lannister of Casterly Rock, and the grotesqueries are all the poorer. Things are expected of me. My father was the Hand of the King for twenty years. My brother later killed that very same king, as it turns out, but life is full of these little ironies. My sister married the new king and my repulsive nephew will be king after him. I must do my part for the honor of my House, wouldn't you agree? Yet how? Well, my legs may be too small for my body, but my head is too large, although I prefer to think it is just large enough for my mind. I have a realistic grasp of my own strengths and weaknesses. My mind is my weapon. My brother has his sword, King Robert has his warhammer, and I have my mind … and a mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge." Tyrion tapped the leather cover of the book. "That's why I read so much, Jon Snow." (AGOT, Tyrion II)

If Tyrion had been born able-bodied he might be as much of a "dumb" disaster as the rest of his siblings. As opposed to the clever disaster he is now.

[not-goldy]

What's funny as hell is Tae flat out saying in everyone's faces he's excited to go to military alone and do his own thing and will look forward to coming back together afterward to see what its like for everyone. He said you bitches later lol. Vmin shippers & tkk sitting there listening to Tae say that right in Jikook's faces & still think he's dating their favs. What a joke. If my partner said in my face I'm happy we're going our different ways for 2 years, the way Tae said in Jimin and Jk's face I'd probably take that as a sign he's not that into me & call it a day. lol And then there's Jikook saying not us, we going together. Same way Tae said he was happy to be living on his own & spending time by himself & it cuts to Jikook stuck up each other's asses eating at Jimin's together while the other members are doing their thing. So what I gather is Tae likes his space. He likes being alone away from other members and has no problem doing that and saying that to their faces & then there's jIkook saying we come together as a package deal to everyone, including the military officials. I can't.

People are slow to catch on to things and yet they hate on those who do for no reason at all.

I spoke a lot about Jungkook and Tae seemingly wanting to go solo and for Tae he gave me panick attacks at night thinking he wanted out like really out of BTS💀💀💀

This dude looked depressed for years in the band but suddenly when it was time to actually Kickstart his Solo career he came alive 😩😩😩😩😩

I took offense at that not gonna lie🤣

And running off with his Wooga squard doing THE SAME DAMN things he'd done with BTS now zuht wus offensaaaave.

They've been together for years and I get that not everything was great- but most things were and some of us are hoping they BTS till the wheels fall off- it's a scary thought to think some wouldn't want to come back- I'm looking at you Namjoon Tae Suga and Hobi 😩😩😩💀

Most of them were so over living in the same dorms and I recall Hobi talking about how he loved the members but wouldn't want to go back to share a room.

Personal space is so important and independence is never underrated. I don't fault Tae for wanting his independence he's a grown man and needs to feel like it.

No matter how tough it is, I think getting away from eachother for a few years especially knowing yall will soon be back together as a boy band is healthy.

It breaks whatever unhealthy attachments that were formed and will help erase the disadvantages of over familiarity such as breaching and disrespecting eachother's boundaries all the time and taking certain things for granted.

When they come back I expect to see that maturity and respect amongst them however close they get.

It's also possible some might become more prideful and think they are better off without the others.

I'm saying all this to say that I'm side eyeing Jikook. Like I didn't even know the buddy system existed till those two used it.

They didn't just go individually and coincidentally ended up in the same camp they enlisted together with a program that will guarantee they in the same unit same dorm same bed

A very deliberate and calculated move.

So I laugh when people say they were coerced into it especially when you consider that the whole enlisting was their idea. BTS would have eventually been exempted THEY CHOSE TO GO ON THEIR OWN ACCORD because they were tired sitting around waiting for their government to make up its mind. Enlisting was a power move.

Deep deep sigh.

Lord, I don't want followers I just want to find the mature sane rational honest and bold jikook followers even if there's only 2 of them hide me from any other person account or bot in Jesus name

[spicy-vent-central]

Also, the fact that "younger generations have no common sense or practical skills" is so fucking intentional. It is such a capitalist oppression thing, for literally every person.

TL;DR: PLEASE understand that there's a really good chance that it's capitalism's fault that young people "have no common sense or practical skills" not your meemaws fault or your grandkids fault, y'know?

For example in the US, people who became adults during the great depression (the great grandparents of Millennials/Gen Z), knew how to do a huge amount of practical, everyday things. They could farm, do household repairs, many of them had carpentry skills and automotive/equipment repair skills. They made many of their own clothes, grew and preserved most of their own food, etcetera. This meant they held little need for the larger capitalist system and had very little motivation to uphold it if it mistreated them. They did not have many material assets but they had valuable knowledge that made them more independent from capitalism.

Now look at Gen Z, we are becoming adults in a time in America where we have EVEN LESS purchasing power than our Great Depression counterparts. On top of that, factually, we have exponentially less individuals with this large variety of everyday skills. So for many of us, when our car breaks down, we have no knowledge on how to fix it and we own no assets. All we can do is sell our time in order to pay someone else to do it. When we are hungry, we have minimal access to land, many of us don't have the knowledge and skills to grow our own food, we have to sell our time in order to go to a grocery store so that we can eat. Unfortunately, we as a generation "need" capitalism for this because we do not have the skills to do these things on our own anymore.

Now the question is why don't we have these skills? Well, I've seen a couple schools of thought but I think both of them are at least partially incorrect.

1) Kids today just don't care about stuff like that and don't want to learn! Kids have never wanted to learn "boring" adult skills. Kids have and always will be kids, but as adults we appreciate these skills and understand the value of knowing them and passing them on to your kids (even if they find it boring). PLUS, many kids do have interest in these things if they're encouraged to give it a chance. I don't think this is truly the issue.

2) Boomers didn't care to teach us! They were lazy and now we are suffering!! They likely didn't believe these skills were necessary for young people anymore. From their perspective the economy had been flourishing for as long as they could remember, why believe that would change? I'm not saying the lack of foresight isn't detrimental, but the viewpoint can be explained. I don't think this is a notable part of the overall issue either.

These two schools of thought lead us as the working class to blame each other for the deficit. It divides us. I propose a third theory on the matter: these skills were systematically stomped out in younger generations to make us more reliant on capitalism. Through assorted methods:

- removal of hands-on classes from school through budget cutting, etc (wood shop, agriculture, home ec, automotive, etc) (PS: this is isn't a "bring back gender roles" take just because I included home ec in the list, every gender should learn home skills like cooking, mending and cleaning, as well as skills such as automotive and carpentry.)

- distraction via the promotion of unhealthy overconsumption of media (video game/TV/social media addiction) (PS: this is not a "technology bad" take, tech is fine but OVERconsumption of media is unhealthy and is even a problem in older generations now.)

- devaluation of these skills via the conflation of them with an archaic and backward social period (Yes, people in older generations were and largely still are racist, sexist, homophobic, and that's fucked. That doesn't mean growing and canning your own food or learning from peepaw how to fix a carburetor makes you any of those things.)

- the manufactured institution of lawns, "landscape" and HOA's preventing us from growing our own food at home on the land we DO have access to

- many others I don't feel like unpacking here as I'm already writing a novel in this post apparently, but you get my meaning

So I guess my point is that we need to unpack our feelings on this and understand that there's a really good chance that it's capitalism's fault that young people "have no common sense or practical skills" not your meemaws fault or your grandkids fault, y'know? As the working class we have to stop punching left and right and start punching up. Also, since I already hear "but boomers own all the stuff and bought their house for $5 in 1970!" (which is a valid sentiment) I share with you an important (paraphrased) quote I heard the other day:

"When the lord of the land commands the people to go out and work his lands in the sun, your enemy is not the man who is wearing a hat."

Other generations aren't the real enemy here y'all, it's the capitalist billionaires. Please see that.

[primordialsoundmeditation]

My mom did not sleep. She felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick until one day, suddenly, she changed.

One day my dad said to her:

* I've been looking for a job for three months and I haven't found anything, I'm going to have a few beers with friends.

My mom replied:

* It's okay.

My brother said to her:

* Mom, I'm doing poorly in all subjects at the University.

My mom replied:

* Okay, you will recover, and if you don't, well, you repeat the semester, but you pay the tuition.

My sister said to her:

* Mom, I smashed the car.

My mom replied:

* Okay daughter, take it to the car shop & find how to pay and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.

Her daughter-in-law said to her:

* Mother-in-law, I came to spend a few months with you.

My mom replied:

* Okay, settle in the living room couch and look for some blankets in the closet.

All of us gathered worried to see these reactions coming from Mom.

We suspected that she had gone to the doctor and that she was prescribed some pills called "I don't give a damn”... Perhaps she was overdosing on these!

We then proposed to do an "intervention"

w/my mother to remove her from any possible addiction she had towards some anti-tantrum medication.

But then ... she gathered us around her and my mom explained:

"It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life. It took me years to discover that my anguish, anxiety, my depression, my courage, my insomnia & my stress, does not solve your problems but aggravates mine.

I am not responsible for the actions of anyone & it’s not my job to provide happiness but I am responsible for the reactions I express to that.

Therefore, I came to the conclusion that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one of you solve what corresponds to you.

I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, human development, mental hygiene, vibration and neurolinguistic programming and in all of them, I found a common denominator in them all...

I can only control myself, you have all the necessary resources to solve your own problems despite how hard they may be. My job is to pray for you, love on you, encourage you but it’s up to YOU to solve them & find your happiness.

I can only give you my advice if you ask me & it depends on you to follow it or not. There are consequences, good or bad, to your decisions and YOU have to live them.

So! From now on, I cease to be: the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities.

From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults.

Everyone at my mom's house was speechless.

From that day on, the family began to function better, because everyone in the house knew exactly what it is that they needed to do.

__________

For some of us this is hard because we've grown up being the caregivers feeling responsible for others. As moms & wives we are fixers off all things. We never want our loved ones to go through difficult things or to struggle. We want everyone to be happy.

But, the sooner we take that responsibility off of our shoulders & on to each loved one, the better we are preparing them to be responsible.

We are not here on earth to be everything to everyone. Stop putting that pressure on yourself.

Much Love;

Charlyn

Zen Taoism Buddhism Tick Nhat Hanh Dalai Lama

[hi-its-meg]

Things feel a bit lighter today after yesterday’s talk with my husband. We agreed on a lot of things- that we were just babies when we got together and we’ve never really known anything else or got to be our own person, that we both feel there’s a huge risk involved with separating and it’s a decision we cannot take lightly, we had no qualms over who gets what and discussed finances, living situations, the dog.

It felt really good to say aloud to him that I’m so sorry, that I appreciate everything he does for me and how much he helps me, and that what I’m doing here isn’t fair to him and it isn’t fair to me. I cannot keep begging him to be what I need and it’s not fair of me to ask him to give more than he’s willing to. I cannot keep feeling like I’m using him and beating myself up over it. I cannot keep feeling worthless over not being a good enough reason for him to improve.

There is so much love here and such a deep friendship but it’s just not enough sometimes, even when you want it to be. And we both see that. We just want to be happy and we wish it could be with each other. No one is fully at fault and neither of us are angry at this point.

It seems that for now we are still going to work as a team and keep things essentially the same, but with the understanding of how we feel and that change is likely coming. Neither of us have someone else so it’s not like either of us have an itch to move things along quicker. We have financial goals we want to achieve and we both have schooling to do to be able to support ourselves alone and being together makes those things much easier to achieve. So it seems like unless something changes that makes either of us want to rush this process along we are going to work together to get us both to that point before we go separate ways. We make a good team and we have a great friendship so unless either of us meet someone I don’t see that being an issue.

We haven’t decided if we want to be considered separated or not. We think it may just complicate things and let people into our business that we don’t want there. It’s just going to make people question us. So I also don’t see that switch happening until one of us wants to really start dating again. With us really being focused on money and school (and health and independence for me) I don’t see that being an issue.

I don’t really know. I’m kinda just getting my thoughts on paper. I feel like everything is out there now with him. I can breathe. I can stop pretending. I can grieve the life I thought I was going to have with him. I can figure out what I want as a person.

Life’s hard.

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

F&B Chapter 2 thoughts:

Completely unserious opening. "King Aegon's 37 year reign was super peaceful if you ignore that it was founded on 2 genocides & setting everything on fire till all your other future subjects give up in fear. You also need to ignore the near 2 decades of war at its start. Those last actual 2 decades though? Practically a utopia!"

Once again: I feel bad for everyone forced to lose because One-gon & his much cooler sisters had dragons. You don't "take advantage of the chaos of Aegon's Conquest" to name yourselves independent if you actually want to be under his rule. They had a whole queen, a named queen, & then here came the literal whole navy & Visenya to threaten the Sistermen into submission. And then we see a queen regnant getting violently deposed by her own men & needlessly brutalized &/or humiliated for her trouble a second time. Marla Sunderland deserved better. Why the fuck did she get her tongue cut out 5 years after the fact, George? And the framing of Steffon Sunderland's sons being fostered with the Manderlys & the Arryns. "He handed them over for his good behavior," they were hostages & probably straight up yoinked. I hope Maester Gyldayn was compensated for his work, because this man was in the trenches trying to make the Targs look good.

The Ironborn have never known how to act, & I love them. Straight up murdering each other for a whole year bc their royal family for the last few centuries got turned into a brick oven pizza in one (1) night. Babes, just reinstate the kingsmoot. Also, I'm willing to believe that Lodos killed himself, but "thousands followed" is so fucking vague. The thousands who drowned with him were definitely killed for the crime of not wanting to live under One-gon/being potential dissidents who would rise up & start this shit over again.

Laughing eternally that everyone keeps clapping when One-gon shows up. "There were so few Ironmen left after a year of killing each other that they didn't resist. Also everyone cheered, they totally wanted to be under Valyrian rule!"

Stan Dorne, we love a Russian Winter Strategy. Also their ousting of Aegon's dudes after he was all "since they aren't here, I won & I'm taking their stuff" is the funniest fucking thing. "The Dornish Lords had a wager to see who could keep people alive longest while torturing them," be for real my dude, I know you pulled that out of your ass just to vilanize them & appease Aerys. This section is peak comedy, & full of icons. We love actually using our brains ❤️

YouExpectMeToFeelSorryForThatBitch.gif (you can decide who this is about, but if you name someone from Dorne you chose wrong)

Hey George, after all those back & forth war crimes bc Rhaenys fucked around & found out I'm gonna need to know tf was in that letter Prince Nymor wrote. You don't need to tell anyone else, just whisper it in my ear & I will take it to the grave. I just want to know what ended all of that, because good Lord. Everyone made the Conqueror Trio's refusal to get off Princess Meria's lawn every person on the respective opposing side's problem. I'm not going to fault Dorne for wanting them out, because context & also no one wanted the Targs around, but dadgum. Both sides were doing the absolute most (also I am not surprised that Aerys was more willing to have beastiality explained to his baby son than why the people of Dorne maybe hated them)

The "Dornish Courage" mockery thing are the words of bitter little haters who are just mad they didn't have the brain power to do what Meria did. Once again: what an icon. Stan Meria Martell.

[1solone]

She felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick until one day, suddenly, she changed.

One day my dad said to her:

- I've been looking for a job for three months and I haven't found anything, I'm going to have a few beers with friends.

My mom replied:

- It's okay.

My brother said to her:

- Mom, I'm doing poorly in all subjects at the University.

My mom replied:

- Okay, you will recover, and if you don't, well, you repeat the semester, but you pay the tuition.

My sister said to her:

- Mom, I smashed the car.

My mom replied:

- Okay daughter, take it to the car shop & find out how to pay and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.

Her daughter-in-law said to her:

- Mother-in-law, I came to spend a few months with you.

My mom replied:

- Okay, settle in the living room couch and look for some blankets in the closet.

All of us gathered worried to see these reactions coming from Mom.

We suspected that she had gone to the doctor and that she was prescribed some pills called "I don't give a damn”... Perhaps she was overdosing on these!

We then proposed to do an "intervention" with w/my mother to remove her from any possible addiction she had to some anti-tantrum medication.

But then ... she gathered us around her and my mom explained:

"It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life. It took me years to discover that my anguish, anxiety, depression, courage, insomnia & stress, do not solve your problems but aggravate mine.

I am not responsible for the actions of anyone & it’s not my job to provide happiness but I am responsible for the reactions I express to that.

Therefore, I came to the conclusion that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one of you solve what corresponds to you.

I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, human development, mental hygiene, vibration, and neurolinguistics programming, and in all of them, I found a common denominator in them all...

I can only control myself, you have all the necessary resources to solve your own problems despite how hard they may be. My job is to pray for you, love on you, and encourage you but it’s up to YOU to solve them & find your happiness.

I can only give you my advice if you ask me & it depends on you to follow it or not. There are consequences, good or bad, to your decisions and YOU have to live them.

So from now on, I cease to be the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities.

From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults.

Everyone at my mom's house was speechless.

From that day on, the family began to function better because everyone in the house knew exactly what it was that they needed to do.

.

.

For some of us, this is hard because we've grown up being caregivers and feeling responsible for others. As moms & wives, we are fixers of all things. We never want our loved ones to go through difficult things or to struggle. We want everyone to be happy.

But, the sooner we take that responsibility off of our shoulders & onto each loved one, the better we are preparing them to be responsible.

We are not here on earth to be everything to everyone. Stop putting that pressure on yourself.

Much Love.… ‿ℒℴνℯ⁀❤️  always with ℒℴѵℯ ❤️🕊

[2treez]

This was in my memories for today from my sister Becca Mahoney. I have re-trained myself to be this type of mother, friend, sister & cousin! My life is so much more peaceful and relaxing! It was not easy, however worthwhile things rarely are.

It is certainly is

*A WORTHY READ*

🌳🫶🏼🌳

My mom did not sleep. She felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick until one day, suddenly, she changed.

One day my dad said to her:

- I've been looking for a job for three months and I haven't found anything, I'm going to have a few beers with friends.

My mom replied:

- It's okay.

My brother said to her:

- Mom, I'm doing poorly in all subjects at the University.

My mom replied:

- Okay, you will recover, and if you don't, well, you repeat the semester, but you pay the tuition.

My sister said to her:

- Mom, I smashed the car.

My mom replied:

- Okay daughter, take it to the car shop & find how to pay and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.

Her daughter-in-law said to her:

- Mother-in-law, I came to spend a few months with you.

My mom replied:

- Okay, settle in the living room couch and look for some blankets in the closet.

All of us gathered worried to see these reactions coming from Mom.

We suspected that she had gone to the doctor and that she was prescribed some pills called "I don't give a damn”... Perhaps she was overdosing on these!

We then proposed to do an "intervention" with my mother to remove her from any possible addiction she had towards some anti-tantrum medication.

But then - she gathered us around her and my mom explained:

"It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life. It took me years to discover that my anguish, anxiety, my depression, my courage, my insomnia & my stress, does not solve your problems but aggravates mine.

I am not responsible for the actions of anyone & it’s not my job to provide happiness but I am responsible for the reactions I express to that.

Therefore, I came to the conclusion that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one of you solve what corresponds to you.

I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, human development, mental hygiene, vibration and neurolinguistic programming and in all of them, I found a common denominator in them all...

I can only control myself, you have all the necessary resources to solve your own problems despite how hard they may be. My job is to pray for you, love on you, encourage you but it’s up to YOU to solve them & find your happiness.

I can only give you my advice if you ask me & it depends on you to follow it or not. There are consequences, good or bad, to your decisions and YOU have to live them.

So from now on, I cease to be the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities.

From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults.

Everyone at my mom's house was speechless.

From that day on, the family began to function better because everyone in the house knew exactly what it is that they needed to do.

For some of us this is hard because we've grown up being the caregivers feeling responsible for others. As moms & wives we are fixers off all things. We never want our loved ones to go through difficult things or to struggle. We want everyone to be happy.

But, the sooner we take that responsibility off of our shoulders & on to each loved one, the better we are preparing them to be responsible.

We are not here on earth to be everything to everyone. Stop putting that pressure on yourself.

*I personally did not write this. I came upon it, found it to be powerful and in this crazy time thought it would be a good "read" to share* ❤️

[roobylavender]

I wrote this during my breakdown so I'm not actually crying rn jshshjs

Being in a desi family means no matter what I'll do for my parents, I know they will always choose my brother over me, well at least my father will. I will never get the justice I deserve as long as I live in this family. Sure, my mom tried for me but that only lasted 5 minutes at most before she gave up. Maybe she knew it will never happen so that's why. It still hurts tho. Only trying once and then never again. And instead preaching ME to not get on my brother's bad side. I really, really loathe living in this family. I loathe desi men. My parents will never raise their voice for me to my brother. They will never defend me as he continues to bully me whenever he wants to. And as I continue to type this as I cry, I know it's pointless. Tomorrow I will act like nothing happened and continue to please my father, as if I don't have this thoughts running through me everytime I talk to him. I will continue to talk to my mom as if I don't think how she will never fight for me even if I told her all of this. Because what is the point knowing it will cause a meaningless discourse in the family that will only last a few hours or a day at best and embarrassed myself. Knowing it will be me who will get lectured. And I'm not even crying because of my brother rn it's the fact knowing my parents never did, and never will fight for me. I might've forgave my brother if only my parents did something and he apologized. But they never did. Every day I loathe and love my parents. Being in a desi family sucks.

i want to apologize again for getting to this so late and while i am more than familiar with how this is unfortunately a perpetual, never-ending kind of deal, i really hope that today you’re feeling at least a little better than you were when you were typing this. i’m not sure how old you are but speaking from personal experience i really think the best outlet for any desi kid is to try to be independent as soon as possible. if your family can afford it go for an undergrad degree in a different city. keep connecting with people so your network provides you with opportunities to get out and get a job. prioritize financial stability so that you have the means to move out even if it’s into an apartment. it depends from family to family obv but sometimes there’s a point where some families will not change and you have to do what’s best for yourself and that’s okay. i think it’s easy for us to harbor a lot of guilt that we’re ungrateful if we don’t stick around and try to fix some of the baggage ourselves but what i’ve learned is that even if you want to try to fix the baggage you need to be in a mentally stable place to do so. living at home doesn’t necessarily facilitate that. and i don’t know what your thoughts on it would be personally but if from what i assume you’re a girl then i again would highly highly recommend doing whatever you can to forge financial independence for yourself. even if it means working a minimum wage job for now. i feel like in a lot of desi families there’s a tendency to look down on that sort of thing (odd, no?) but it’s really a vital developing experience all people and esp desi women should invest in. my lack of financial experience has hindered me in so many ways and kept me tied to a familial situation where i am often very unhappy. i love my parents very much but we have ideological and practical divides and we’re at a stage in life where we need our space from each other (and i imagine that’s true in your situation too) and yet i don’t have the means to execute it bc i’m still figuring my life out. it’s easier said than done obv but i think if you develop the conviction early to get your life in order and work towards creating your own space where you can control how you’re respected it will be worthwhile. the pain of your parents’ faults and inability to protect you is always going to sting and esp within desi families there’s a very deep trauma every child goes through when evaluating what their parents have or haven’t done for them. but that sting will hurt more when you’re completely at your parents’ mercy (and your brother’s, in this case). when they’re not in control anymore it will be easier to manage, and i really hope whatever your circumstances that you’re able to forge that path where your life is your own and you’re not bullied for existing within this familial structure. iA let me know if you ever want to vent again, my dms are open as well so if you want to talk more privately that’s welcome, too. love you lots 🤍

[brdnbrgcncrt]

Vent

I just think if she let me be completely in control we wouldn’t have Any issues. I feel like she just cant live or function without me because after we left each other she only got worse. And its possible this is true because we were very codependent on each other. I should WANT to see her thrive on her own and be independent but instead I feel abandoned

I feel like if she just let me think for her and decide who she should associate with, she’d be better off. I know logically though that I’d just be hindering her progress as a Good Human Being. She needs to learn from her mistakes. And the proof of that is just that after all this I’ve realized she has zero conflict resolution skills and maybe it’s because I’ve sheltered her for so long. I think shes responsible for herself and her actions but I wonder if I had some part in this

She just confuses me so much because I’m willing to stay with her even if she hurts me and shes said she wants to and I’d literally give her everything shes ever wanted if she just stayed with me. I’d improve myself I’d let her abuse me but the moment I make one mistake and promise to do better shes got her foot out the door already. I wish there was someone in this world who would forgive me for all I’ve done and just love me as I am. I just want a second chance honestly, but I’ve accepted I wont ever be getting that.

Shes taken advantage of my bpd and my willingness to give up all autonomy but then when she offers to take verbal abuse ONCE and I tell her I wont be verbally abusing her, I’m suddenly the bad guy. We were both given the chance to take advantage of each other at some point in this relationship, and yet she was the only one out of the both of us who actually took that chance to do it. Then she even tried to blame me as if me being hurt by her was my fault. I’m just too easy to take advantage of. This is why dating someone who doesn’t understand bpd pisses me off. I eventually came to my senses and told her off but yeah she blamed me, and it was nearly impossible to get her to apologize

Every time I put her on a pedestal I have to remind myself that she isnt as kind or caring as I remember her to be. I’ve given her everything and I gave up all my money and energy and time and privacy to her. To the point where I didnt have any friends after exiting a relationship with her. Even a month or two after we broke up I spent almost $200 on her and she was still acting like a brat about it and almost COMPLAINING that I wasnt satisfying her still. I’m fucking insane I don’t know what my issue is

I feel like everything would be okay if she just stayed with me but I know it isnt true. She needs to be on her own for a bit. Shes too immature for me and I even think some of her personality traits are Extremely unattractive. To the point where I’m nearly traumatized by people like her (Mostly just people who refuse to communicate properly, I already had trauma with this because of autism but shes made it ten times worse). Now I think people who can’t communicate or make decisions are unattractive and they even scare me. I feel like I might accidentally hurt them and never know. But I wonder why shes been so bad with our falling out. Why and how have I handled it so well? I can only guess that I’m just used to having to move on quickly from hurting and being hurt. I hate these feelings so I focus more on conflict resolution and finding solutions so I can make all the pain stop. I think if I was able to feel guilt the same way a neurotypical did, I would’ve killed myself by now

[shiningmystic]

Hello💗

Can you please tell me about how H feels rn about me and what's hidden from me about him(so context is that he rejected me after showing all signs of attraction and caused me huge anxiety all the way) so i just wanted to know what information is hidden atm and what does the universe want me to know about him in general.

Thanks😊

Hello ab13th I hope you know how much that person doesn’t deserve your worry and energy, not saying they are bad person or anything like that it’s just you are a worthy partner and because someone who gave you signs that they are interested doesn’t mean it’s your fault they didn’t pursue you. If this is based on only passive interaction (like subtle smiles and sweetness) there may be something there but we aren’t responsible to read others minds and that’s something I remind myself everyday when I perceive a rejection.

Anxiety always brings that out in me as well; like we (meaning you and me) did something wrong that made whoever we want to please or invite into our lives reject us. Most of the time (surprisingly) it is the other persons own anxieties that stop them from pursuing us.

I hope that gives you a perspective that calms your anxieties some because we never think that the other person has anxieties plaguing them we never catch onto how it may not be our fault at all.

Now even if that isn’t the case I will see what could be blocking them from pursuing you (and I bet it has nothing to do with you being unlovable or undesirable or even to much)

Now from the page of coins I get an energy of someone growing beautifully in their own skin. Someone who is growing stability in a parts of there life and is learning independence (this could be you or them) there is an energy of not being able to be receptive and present for the person because they may not have the abundance to give to the other and want to grow into there own to be able to fully give in the future.

There is a sense of someone knowing that they will have to change for the other and that is scary; change always is. There is a feeling of unworthiness of deep love or not wanting to be dependent on love because of previous rejection. I’m assuming both of you hold these energies cause you both seem to mirror one another on traumas and fears. So I was onto something before I pulled the cards which isn’t surprising because my channeling has been coming much more naturally.

Also I think these feelings came on to fast for H and they got afraid or nervous about that energy like there was talk about something deeper and it made them realize how unworthy or just not in a place to give that love.

That’s really hard to deal with and I see you both growing into your own.

As advice just be there for one another and take it slower. Maybe not pursue each other to hard to soon and continue to grow into your own person (I’m sorry if you already had a feeling of this or being sick of waiting for something to happen I feel you)

I get why there was passion and excitement for this connection but for some people they may have had previous trauma or experiences that trigger a retreat. I do not see them having ill will or disliking you in any way but maybe both of you don’t hold what the other truly needs atm and that may be why H is not pursuing you; there’s a focus on building personal confidence and worthiness, or even just feeling stable enough in there life to commit to a relationship. Who knows; from the cards they may change their minds and suddenly take a leap haha 😂 it just seems like right now their commitment to you is not something they can focus on and it’s not your fault at all. The 9 of coins shows me that the 2 of cups reversed isn’t rejection but a lack of focus on connecting to a relationship and pursuing other things that builds independence and inner confidence within themselves. From the ace of cups you are right on there attraction to you 100% but your thinking to deeply on why they aren’t pushing forward already, just keep being you and knowing what you want and who you are!

I hope this has helped you figure out some things. Let me know what you think when you have the time! I would love to know more about this if you don’t mind 😌

[nix-that-rad-lass]

Do you think too many women settle for men and get married and regret it? This is probably obvious and random but I feel like I’m in a situation right now where maybe society tells us that if a guy comes along who agrees with you on a lot of things and wants similar things to you then you should jump on it but I also think it could deffo be depressing lol and if it’s not there then it’s like a waste of my time and life possibly and also my future (without sounding selfish)

Personally I’m torn on this because I wanna be hopeful and happy and stuff and I want that for other women but I genuinely just think marriage in any capacity ESPECIALLY to a man is so so so risky. It’s so hard because either way you will get emotionally attached, either way he MIGHT break your heart, but if you aren’t married he can’t trap you as easily and you can just walk away a little easier (not always since abusive relationships and shit but it’s one less barrier) however if you have any mutual investments such as a car house or children then that’s so much harder if you’re unmarried, if you break up you don’t necessarily have a contract stipulating how assets are divided, and there is nothing guaranteeing your fiscal safety.

I’d say for most women, if you are in any capacity considering a long term and serious relationship with a man and he is one of the not-so-bad ones (or maybe those less than one in a million actually decent or good ones), consider writing up contracts and actually having some sort of lawyer involved.

I’m only 18 and not super well versed in all this but I have done some of my own thinking and this is just my own conclusion:

- Marriage in our current society harms women. Point blank.

- If you seek a serious long term relationship, you and your partner need to find a way outside of marriage to signify your commitment to one another in

An emotionally fulfilling way (I.e. a courtship ritual, if you wanna get all biological. This would take the place of rings, a wedding, vows, etc, and preferably be a recurring/ongoing thing)

A logically fulfilling way (I.e. how you divide or combine your assets, your contingency plan if things go wrong or if you split, AND your plans to help your relationship be successful or how to repair it if it is less than ideal)

- always have a failsafe plan and retain as much of your independence and autonomy as possible. You are your own person, you deserve to live your own life. Your relationship should ENRICH your life, NOT define it

-above all, accept that nothing is truly permanent. People grow and change and that’s ok (unless they harm someone). There is nothing wrong with realizing that someone you loved for a long time has changed and then taking steps to separate from them. You loved them once, perhaps still do in some way- you want what is best for both yourself AND them, and sometimes what’s best for you both is to move on. Sometimes this happens after a few months. Sometimes after decades. There is no fault in it- it is the nature of people to adapt, and it is up to each of us to put the best interests of ourselves and those we care about before the societal standard of a “successful partnership”.

- find your own definition of success in your relationship and partnership. In society, this is permanent and pumping out plenty of slaves to the system ASAP. Not very healthy or happy. Your idea of success in your relationship may be much time apart so time together is that much more cherished. Maybe it’s spending almost all your time together because that’s when you feel your best. Maybe it’s having similar goals and working together to achieve them, or complimentary goals that you help each other with, or separate ones that you simply offer each other a retreat from. Find your own idea for your relationship and your success within it will grow from there.

- understand that hurt is a part of life, especially when dealing with men. That doesn’t mean you should give up. Just be careful. And if it goes wrong or he harms you or you find out he lied, don’t beat yourself up about it. It doesn’t make you a bad feminist to have had hope. We’re all human. It’s hard to live life when we’re hopeless all the time. No one can blame you for being hopeful and giving it a try.

- don’t abandon yourself in any capacity. There’s a fine line between learning to compromise and abandoning yourself, and it’s both incredibly important and quite difficult to achieve.

On another note... to more individually answer anons question

Society definitely does tell us to take what we can get. It wants women to be desperate for men, despite all evidence to the contrary. Why? Because men, the ones who push the societal propaganda, are desperate for women. Men can’t function without women and they hate it, so instead of putting in the effort to improve themselves and show women “look! We can be good! We can bring stuff to the table! You should consider us!” They gaslight and coerce and fearmonger, making women desperate for them instead. Because they’re lazy. They don’t wanna improve, so instead they just spread the lie that women need men.

I definitely think a lot, maybe most women settle for men and get hurt by it. It’s not their fault- every little bit of society forces this message into them, and eventually they can’t help but internalize it. Hell, I’ve come close to internalizing it, and i would say most radfems have too!

The token personal experience that hopefully can be somewhat relatable in some capacity and also maybe help elaborate the point im attempting to make

Couple years ago I had a really good friend. We met over Minecraft of all things, on a server and we were the only two people defending a girl in chat from getting harassed by dozens of dudes on the server. I thought for sure this person had to be a woman- no way a dude would have gone out of his way and risked getting banned from the server over that. Well, I was wrong. Turned out to be a guy. Granted, about five years older than me, but genuinely a good dude. We ended up getting really close and considered each other to be our twin flame. And then two and a half years ago, he completely ghosted. Fell off the face of the earth. That hurt like hell. I tried to find reasons to be angry at him, reasons to be upset with him, but other than just not saying goodbye I could find none. And yet it still hurt.

Finally we reach the beginning of the end... aka the conclusion

All this to say... there will be pain, and hurt, and worry and fear and all these tumultuous emotions no matter what. That’s what we deal with when we care deeply for someone. All we can do is find ways to move forward, and do what is best for us in the future. Sometimes we can forgive and sometimes we can’t. Sometimes we forgive even when we shouldn’t.

It’s up to you as an individual if you really desire having someone to be close with on a romantic level and you happen to be attracted to men. Some people are perfectly happy and fulfilled having only platonic relationships and others really gain more fulfillment from a romantic one.

Romantic relationships are not the be all end all of life, but for some people they can be such a big component and really help someone reach their full potential. It’s just up to each of us to discover for ourselves which category we fall into.

Being with a man will never be a feminist action. It just won’t.

But we can’t lead perfect feminist lives and being expected to would be ridiculous and cultish. And sometimes, the happiness we glean from a romantic relationship - whether it be with a man or a woman - can give us the extra bit of energy and inspiration to galvanize us into making more of a difference. So maybe it isn’t objectively feminist. But if it makes you a happier person, you’ve bettered one woman’s life and that in itself is technically a feminist action, isn’t it? Taking that happiness and turning it into awareness, action, empowerment, and someday, revolution and liberation? Now that... that’s really something we could all aspire to.

[primordialsoundmeditation]

My mom did not sleep. She felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick until one day, suddenly, she changed.

One day my dad said to her:

* I've been looking for a job for three months and I haven't found anything, I'm going to have a few beers with friends.

My mom replied:

* It's okay.

My brother said to her:

* Mom, I'm doing poorly in all subjects at the University.

My mom replied:

* Okay, you will recover, and if you don't, well, you repeat the semester, but you pay the tuition.

My sister said to her:

* Mom, I smashed the car.

My mom replied:

* Okay daughter, take it to the car shop & find how to pay and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.

Her daughter-in-law said to her:

* Mother-in-law, I came to spend a few months with you.

My mom replied:

* Okay, settle in the living room couch and look for some blankets in the closet.

All of us gathered worried to see these reactions coming from Mom.

We suspected that she had gone to the doctor and that she was prescribed some pills called "I don't give a damn”... Perhaps she was overdosing on these!

We then proposed to do an "intervention"

w/my mother to remove her from any possible addiction she had towards some anti-tantrum medication.

But then ... she gathered us around her and my mom explained:

"It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life. It took me years to discover that my anguish, anxiety, my depression, my courage, my insomnia & my stress, does not solve your problems but aggravates mine.

I am not responsible for the actions of anyone & it’s not my job to provide happiness but I am responsible for the reactions I express to that.

Therefore, I came to the conclusion that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one of you solve what corresponds to you.

I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, human development, mental hygiene, vibration and neurolinguistic programming and in all of them, I found a common denominator in them all...

I can only control myself, you have all the necessary resources to solve your own problems despite how hard they may be. My job is to pray for you, love on you, encourage you but it’s up to YOU to solve them & find your happiness.

I can only give you my advice if you ask me & it depends on you to follow it or not. There are consequences, good or bad, to your decisions and YOU have to live them.

So! From now on, I cease to be: the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities.

From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults.

Everyone at my mom's house was speechless.

From that day on, the family began to function better, because everyone in the house knew exactly what it is that they needed to do.

__________

For some of us this is hard because we've grown up being the caregivers feeling responsible for others. As moms & wives we are fixers off all things. We never want our loved ones to go through difficult things or to struggle. We want everyone to be happy.

But, the sooner we take that responsibility off of our shoulders & on to each loved one, the better we are preparing them to be responsible.

We are not here on earth to be everything to everyone. Stop putting that pressure on yourself.

Much Love;

Charlyn

[Shared]

Zen Taoism Buddhism Tick Nhat Hanh Dalai Lama

[never-not-ever]

It’s really weird how okay I am about all this. The thought of her sister texting me to “say goodbye” doesn’t bring a wave of crying like I thought it would.

I don’t know if it’s cause a part of me feels like we’ll find our way back to each other someday and just need some time on our own to grow independently. Or if maybe I’ve just finally accepted that we really aren’t right for each other.

The last time we broke up I was heartbroken over losing her family and maybe it’s cause of covid but like I don’t feel as close to them anymore. I’ll miss her niece and nephew and her siblings and parents but like it’s not “end of the world” heart break like last time.

Maybe it’s cause since the last time there’s been a lot of bad and just so much drifting away.

And we were bad from the start. A lot of it was my fault in the beginning. My bpd was really bad and active. The second month of us dating, I was dramatically cutting myself with a knife in her kitchen. Two months later our first vacation and the memories of us fighting walking along the streets of Virginia Beach. Like sure I look back and there’s pictures of us smiling but there’s so many bad memories that aren’t captured but play over and over again in my head.

In the past few months trying to figure out if it’s worth it to try one more time. Thinking of her being a mother to our kids. Yea that’s something I pictured at one point but not anymore. Unless she changes and we meet up years down the road. But the person she is today is not the right person for me. And I’m clearly not the right person for her either.

I don’t think I’m necessarily looking for a distraction but more so something else to focus on. It would be one thing if we broke up and the next day she moved out and then I just started thinking, talking and obsessing over something else and not dealing with The Breakup. But like it basically ended in the end of January. It’s now mid March. I think I’m fine with my emotions surrounding it and how I’ve processed it.

So moving forward I really just want to focus on work, redoing my apartment and continuing my weight loss journey. I can’t wait for her to move out and I’m glad I’m staying in my apartment so I don’t have to work so much overtime. The closer we get to her moving out I’ll probably stop picking up so that I can focus more on the apartment. And also in the meantime doing what I’m doing with my weight loss cause it’s working and making me happy, proud and feel in control.