#there was another term but im sticking w this for the time being

[throne-of-ashleygraves]

What are your sexuality headcanons for Ashley & Andrew Graves?

[slowdrippingnoise]

I cannot stop thinking about Fords dream. Plan sexual? Is this aroace confirmation??

"Attracted to planning" my ass. What happened to attracted to strange and the strange was always attracted to him?? You are a weirdo, except it

I an aroace and i was concerned that Ford will be straight in TBOB but now i am just confused???

I see you want to scream about the book of bill. Please scream at me i need someone else in this madness

OK!!!! so this is an extremely interesting question, and my perception of it is very heavily influenced by this interview being fresh in my mind (you've probably already read/watched but if not go do that it's great) towards the end you can find alex answering a question about ford being interpreted as queer- and basically talking about how ford is written as extremely romantically/interpersonally repressed in general- I won't try to summarize it i genuinely recommend just going and reading that, he describes it all better than I could (and again maybe you already have idk)

I feel like the tbob dream note could be taken a number of ways (and, while I wouldn't actually ask it cause i feel like leaving it up to imagination is actually more interesting in a creative engagement kind of way, i'm desperate to know what hypothetical answers are hiding behind that "usually" oh ford) but the thing that sticks out to me is. i mean it's very difficult to read it as straight isn't it. ford has recurring dreams about being quizzed on "what he's attracted to" and consistently dodges the question (doesn't even give a straightforward answer like "nothing", he misdirects back onto his logical smartguy persona) it's definitely a nod to fans too, sure, but in-character it's no-way-out firmly establishing that his sexuality specifically is on the Grand List of Stanford Pines Insecurities. we definitely got a nod to this way back in j3 of course- the ford&fidds campout conversation- but this i think this new tidbit betrays a much more internal fixation/anxiety than "it's confusing to me and I don't really want to think about it for more that a minute at a time" (<-the vibe his j3 stuff had more of to me) TL;DR whatever he is, i do not think you can call this man canonically straight at all lmao. W

(ok i'm losing track of my own thoughts a bit here. i should've outlined this like an essay lmao. back on track-)

In terms of what I personally believe/headcanon? honestly i'm in a funny in-between place right now- if you asked me last week i'd just say "he's gay probably" but this has me Thinking now in a more "ok, what cooperates best with canon and how I personally view him" way and the "ford aroace" people are making some interesting points. my most recent idea of him that i've been rolling around in my mindscape like a shiny rock goes basically like this:

(putting this under a cut)(also this goes wildly off-topic for a while because i love talking about ford. i promise it is tangentially related and relevant to my argument)

ford is repressed in how he deals with people because people are confusing and often scary (history of bullying and ostracization, we all hc him as some kind of autistic, etc.), and this extends to how he views romance/sex- if you don't see yourself as safe/belonging among other humans it can be extremely difficult to imagine yourself in such intimate dynamics with them (accepted, loved) and ford is very well established to close himself off to keep himself safe. the prospect of "romance" is by default more unsettling than it could ever really be comforting to him (within his ability to imagine it, at least) outside of the rarer "what if i was just normal and nobody bothered me for existing" fantasy, which is its own can of worms,,

another part of this is my (more arbitrary/i know because im right forever/because i lived it) hc that the elder pines twins' parents didn't really love each other by the time they were raising stan and ford, it was more of a "we both pay the rent/keep the family going, we may not strictly like each other and yeah there's a screaming fight or two every few years, but divorce is off the table because it would leave us both financially up the creek, so you do what you gotta do" situation. which has the potential to do. things. to how you think about Traditional Ideas of Couples and Suchlike. take my word for it.

another important part, though i find myself getting technically off-topic for a ways here, my apologies- i've been thinking about ford's Patterns with his attachments, in that he generally has one Main Person to focus on and trust at a time, and for a most of his life these attachments end Badly- throughout his entire adolescence he has stanley as that person, they exist in constant contrast to each other, their own self-perceptions are defined by their existence as a duo, covering for each other's weaknesses (to the extent that they can ignore traits in themselves that "double up", so to speak- stanley is the dumb muscle and ford is the booksmart genius with potential- no way out of that)(their dad affects this too)(oof) he and stan have a really awful falling-out that leaves ford with the belief that his One Person was willing to sabotage his future, completely disregarding ford's own feelings or sense of security and agency, just to get his way. (strike 1.5? against ford's ability to trust people) --- in college he attached to his roommate, fiddleford- and they genuinely get along and compliment each other really well! they're besties for life! yippee! so ford has a Person again, to exist next to, to prop himself up. but their lives go in different directions- they both move on with their studies/careers, and ford winds up in gravity falls, alone, where he has trouble again interacting with the locals and spends all his time wandering the woods, with endless hours for introspection. --- enter- Bill! :) bill becomes ford's 3rd Person, and he flatters ford and manipulates him and validates him and offers him everything he could ever shallowly imagine would solve all his problems and patch up the gaping hole in his self-worth forever definitely (while reminding him of what he remembers/imagines of his brother most likely, ow) bill is also more "safe" than other people, he's an anomaly, a supernatural phenomenon, even, and he lives exclusively inside ford's head. he's a perfect, safe, obsession target. (billford situationship essay for another day)

until he's not, of course.

until his college bestie Person is back too, and he's more Real than bill in a way that's very comforting, but fidds is another strong influence, one for the better, and bill can't have that around, he has to go. after that his relationship with bill also turns sour extremely quickly in a terrifying way, which leaves ford shaken and unmoored and desperate, which leaves... stan.

which also falls apart. (strikes 2, 3 and 1.5-the-sequal in rapid succession)

the 30 years spent multiverse-hopping are interesting to me too in how they affected ford- i think being around so much "abnormality"/being disconnected from his own world's ideas of normal did a lot to mellow him out- but he still couldn't really stick around anywhere to form deeper bonds with anybody, he's a wanderer until bill is dead, which may well end up killing ford in the process, so...

then! he's back home! which is bad! (from his perspective) but gives him the opportunity to try to Attach to a 4th Person- dipper! this was a secret essay on why i think he's Like That about dipper all along not about romance at all haha trick'd'ya! (i'm joking)

anyway you get the idea- fortunately he has a slightly wider support net by the end of the show between stan, fiddleford, and the kids- but to me it's relevant in that ford has a very limited network of people who he is close to at all, considering that his view on romantic relationships seems to orbit around "don't wanna think about that/that's scary, I don't know/etc.", and that for a long time the relationships(platonic or otherwise) that he did have were defined by their ending in trauma, guilt, and shame. it makes sense to me for him to not really be able to figure himself out, how do you dissect all the layers of the bonds you do manage to form, tease out one strong emotion from another, especially when you're always afraid of ruining something because this is all you have?

I guess, given all that rambling, to me he lands within some combination of demi-aroace(attraction of any kind is rare and difficult to distinguish from other emotions, needs a strong base first) and too repressed and deeply, deeply traumatized to really say what comes naturally and what's his brain trying to protect him from being hurt. he knows that something is, by the standards of humanity, "wrong" with him, but it's just another note on a long list of "reasons normal people don't like him". and he's gay.

-----

ok i probably forgot some stuff but i think thats my thoughts on that lmao. anyway BOOK OF BILL this makes me. so crazy. hasnt left my brain for days. i will never be the same i called these shots i CALLED them. but i couldn't imagine. anyway-

while i'm still talking about ford, i love that this book let him be more emotionally vulnerable than j3 did, i feel like there was a harsher impression of ford among fans for a long time (at least, with people who weren't already Obsessed with him) because he has limited time in the actual show for his character to be established, and a lot of j3 either had him on the defensive, or still stuck in "everything ever is my fault" mode. getting a better view both of how bill manipulated him, and how he's still affected by it "postcanon" puts him way more in line with. how i've seen him all along basically!! augh. he's lonely and insecure and afraid and wants so, so badly to connect to people,, "the ego of a king. the insecurity of a circus freak." compare to "my immense self hatred vs my delusional god complex" we were so right.

his last section of the book is. so so perfect i'm so glad we have that- it wraps up what felt like a loose end with other pieces of canon leaving him on "i'm the biggest idiot in the world" which felt. bad. all things considered. but tbob lets him air out that soul-crushing shame in such a beautiful way- both in letting us the audience actually See how it was with him and bill before, and his family reassuring him that they love him and don't carry some massive sense of Blame for him being manipulated... it hurts good man. perfect place to end on. he's gonna be ok it'll be ok.

related- possession pages go crazy. like that is some "i've read fanfiction less fucked up than this" shit and I [the rest of this sentence redacted for my dignity] what was i saying. the dream scene was so viscerally upsetting. the "light switch". the stretching. (alex drop a link to your ao3 account. urgh) bill is so so so scary for that brief moment which is an amaaazing essential addition to the book that actually made me feel horrifically personally sorry for the little bastard for the first time maybe ever. i mean this so genuinely he's the worst he's been he's the saddest he's been it's a beautiful tapestry drawing me in. it's gonna occupy my brain for weeks. maybe months. he's desperate to hold on to ford he's desperate for his plans to work for once and he's pissed as hell but also now he has an excuse to cut loose- he doesn't have to hide his angry, shitty, abusive side from this little human that he's grown so attached to(who he sees himself in)- he can see ford and ford can see him (or, what he's willing to think of as "himself")(where did you all go-) and ford is just living a nightmare that he couldn't have possibly imagined. incredible

i'm practiced at being emo about ford i've been emo about ford since 2015 but the bill thing is new to me (not strictly the lore, i was around for the reddit AMAs/the axolotl poem, but the elaboration-) and it's killing me. he's so fucked. he's hopeless. he's fucked himself up so bad and refuses to get any better because just looking at it inside his head is too much. there's a loud buzzing in his ears and he blacks out for 30 seconds. everyone loved him he was the best baby ever. sixer, it would eat you alive. the doctor says three sips a day will make the visions go away. where did you all go. he's fine, he's fine, he's fine. it's all hitting me fresh like it's brand new, funy nightmare triangle abandonment issues go brrrr-

he wants ford to want him so bad he wants to not be alone so bad. hes awful he ruins every chance he gets and it's all genuinely his own fault. fuck (im not gonna talk about "pain is hilarious" im not gonna be cringe im not gonna do it) blacked-out list of exes love and fear are the same love cage you're my property if lost return to bill cipher covered in blood all alone in the universe-

I was gonna elaborate on those last scraps but. i am running out of brain. big week for ford enjoyers. big week for me being so so sad (/pos) ☀️

[drunk-on-dk]

im here.. again. i heard you were asking 4 thoughts on mr boo so here i go >:3

have i expressed how badly i want to ride this man? no? well i am now. i just KNOW that while riding kwannie you’d get the blessing of the neediest, sloppiest, longest kisses :((( and you can’t even tell who’s feeling better in terms of pleasure bcuz of how freaking LOUD hes groaning and whimpering, he’d just be so overwhelmed with the feeling of your tight n greedy lil’ whole swallowing whole — AND NOT JUST THAT! the way that his bangs would stick on his forehead w/ sweat >< and him being so troubled as to whether he should rest his hands on your ass or jst grip your hips AHHH. mr boo is killing me sobs

please this is so true, you are hitting the bullseye with this one... i've been plagued with kwan hard thots so here we go... (pls enjoy and thank u for sharing your hard thots, lmk if you you like this lee <3)

pairing: boo seungkwan x fem!reader

genre: literally just smut (minors don't u dare read or interact or else i will cry and block u)

w/c: ~1.1k words (i'm trying to drabble, it's hard)

c/w: unprotected sex; riding; whiney kwan; groping; he's an ass man in this ig; messy and passionate love making i guess lol; idk pls let me know if there is anything else this is nothing crazy

Seungkwan couldn't tell if he was love drunk or pussy drunk anymore. You had him wrapped around your little finger, just like how you were wrapped so tightly around his cock.

Seungkwan hadn't seen you for weeks now, his work travel and schedule had taken up most of his time and he sparingly saw you over sporadic late night, 10-minute video calls. Your sweet texts throughout the days weren't enough to satiate his neediness, nor were the dirty images that you'd send at the worst of times, which usually required Seungkwan to take care of himself at the oddest hours of the day. Now that he was home, he needed you to take care of him.

Which you sure did, quick to prioritize it if anything, you had welcomed Seungkwan home by pulling him into a deep kiss that led straight to your bed that had lacked his scent for a little too long.

He could barely get a word in, whining profusely against your lips as you clumsily guided him to the bed, his grabby hands running wildly over your curves as if he almost forgot each little dip and crevice. Rest assured - he didn't forget a thing - you were just as perfect and warm as he remembered.

There was no need for foreplay, not when you both had missed each other this much, nor when he kissed you with such desire that it made everything in you turn to jello. You both were quick to undress between heated kisses, pushing him down on the plush mattress that pulled a whine so wanton from him that you couldn't restrain yourself from straddling his hips and caging him against the bed.

It was perfect just like this, sat atop him like a noble on their throne and swollen, messy lips chasing each other. You couldn't get enough of him, not when he sounded so pathetic with each nibble of his bottom lip, being sure to drink in his sounds as your kisses deepened and deepened.

It could have been hours for all you know just losing yourself in his kisses and little noises. However, you knew Seungkwan was growing needier by the second, the hard length jutting between your thighs proving more than enough, and his hands once wonderous hands now finding home on your hips, only digging into your plush skin even harsher with each desperate mewl of his.

You were sure he'd leave marks from his fingers alone, his nails were dug so deeply into the muscle of your ass in an attempt to coerce some movement of your hips. The feeling alone had coaxed a loud moan from you, finally breaking your lips from his to sharply inhale from the shock of arousal that ran through your core.

Seungkwan was so lost in his own lusty haze that he wasn't even sure what to feel, the sound of your own cry pulling another loud moan from him when you finally grind your dripping cunt against his painfully hard cock.

Seungkwan really doesn't know what to do with himself when you finally line up your core with the tip of his shaft, sinking down onto him and making him question how your tiny, little hole takes him so perfectly.

He's dizzy from the warmth of your pussy, hands no longer finding purchase on your ass as they continue to run up the front of your body, splaying out against your torso until he runs over the mounds of your breasts, only to run back down to your hips.

He surely doesn't know what to do with himself when you slowly lift your hips, tight walls tugging so perfectly at his cock and beckoning another whiney cry from his lips that has your jaw falling slack at how beautiful he sounds. It's enough to make your walls flutter, only driving Seungkwan closer to insanity when you drop back down on his length.

You can tell he's at a loss, his hands gripping the bed sheets and no longer on you. He misses your pout because he's so lost in the feeling of how perfectly you're riding him, you're so wet, so perfect, so tight - and oh god, you're placing his hand back on your hips and now he can't stop himself from guiding you to roll against him a bit faster, harder now. Each delicious grind of your hips into his has you sucking him in deeper, making your moans just as loud as his when you feel your clit rub even harsher against his pelvic bone.

You're not sure if his breathing is steady at this point, his fingers are now gripping your ass so tight it has you collapsing into him. You're craving to be as close to him as possible as he begins to buck his hips up into yours, working you closer and closer to your demise.

Seungkwan has worked himself up so much at this point, his whines become incoherent babbles as you press into him, brushing his matted bangs out of his face before molding your lips against his once again. The bittersweet taste of mint and coffee that forever stains Seungkwan's lips is enough to push you closer to the edge, especially when he kisses you with such desire that you almost forget to keep riding him.

The feeling of your hot bodies pressed against one another has you clamping around him, only adding to his fervor as he continues to meet each rolls of your hips. Originally, you thought you were greedy, but the way Seungkwan bucks into you has you questioning who needed each other more.

The tidal wave of ecstasy is about to crash at any moment, you're both long gone at this point, but you know each others bodies all too well. Even though Seungkwan has been in a drunken, dreamlike state the entire time, he can tell by the way your hips circle with more fervor and the way your thighs shiver that you are falling apart.

You're only breaking the kiss so you can moan loudly against his lips, sweaty foreheads pressed against each other as your walls convulse uncontrollably around his brooding length, tip nuzzled deep inside you as the hot rubber band of arousal inside of you finally snaps. Seungkwan follows suit, groaning as you pull him into another kiss and releasing his hot, sticky load inside of you.

It's messy and it's desperate, but there was no time to waste when you finally had Seungkwan back in your grasp, especially when he's this needy for you.

[time-is-restored]

oh shit i forgot here's another one, this time its an old neal caffrey analysis rant (this one fueled by insomnia, and written much earlier into my first watch of white collar - i think early season 3??):

im gonna be weird about white collar but the thing is so many people are weird about white collar in the wrong direction

like woobifying neal to hell and back or inventing whole new personalities for el or . i don’t even know how to describe what they do to peter

like the thing about neal is he Is a magpie he’s just a surprisingly loyal one, he flits from shiny thing to person to ideal, sure, but certain classes of ppl can fully hold his attention

peter holds his attention bc he is good as in skilled (it’s borderline canon that no one else can catch him, or even really come close), and extremely principled w a cunning streak which neal basically approaches as like. a puzzle box, bc like none of their principles line up so he’s curious how the apparent closed system rube goldberg machine of his morals work LOL

then it becomes a dedication through loyalty, in that peter sticks his neck out multiple times due to faith in neal, and neal is EXTREMELY weak to loyalty/consistency (gestures at the mess of his childhood)

and due to generally low self image (morals wise, he kind of thinks he sucks? like he’s competent and cool and charming and everything, but he also tends to consider himself a nuisance, w how he’s disruptive to ‘normal’ / ‘good’ people) that dedication can become disproportionate

we see through kate (and later, adler) that the easiest way to con neal/get him acting against his own self interest IS to cultivate that loyalty

there’s an easy archetype to it, even, in that u present him with a competent, smart individual (bonus points if they’re a conventionally attractive woman), but have her off limits in some way (uninterested, taken, stand off ish, whatever), activate his thief urge to ‘take’ what he wants, then when they are friends/partners whatever, his inadvertent guilt over like. corrupting/endangering this person/tricking them about who he ‘really’ is will loop around into VERY strong loyalty, and a commitment to being whatever they want him to be x2, bc he Cannot handle being left behind LMAO

peter simultaneously feeds into + challenges this framework, bc he clearly has the least biased opinion about who neal is, even though he’s still wrong about a lot of things. and beyond that, he REALLY likes neal, thinks he’s interesting and funny, but at the start of the show can’t deal with even 0.01% of his chaotic neutral methods

WHICH IN TURN!! actually breaks through some of Neal’s shit bc:

peter picked him out of prison before neal had changed at all

he essentially sees his role, from as early as ep 1, as tactically breaking the law where peter can’t/won’t, in ways that help them close the case faster

after peter (more or less) gives a thumbs up the first time he does this, neals puzzle box brain goes ‘oh?? morally grey bestie??? CRIME BESTIE????’ and now he’s trying to ‘solve’ peter’s moral code

this is actually almost in complete opposition to elizabeth, who is compete open and clear about her affection and friendship w him basically since they meet, and apparently has no prerequisites for it. which, again, pointing to the low self esteem, triggers the ‘oh god what have i done to deserve this i haven’t even CONNED her yet’ so he’s low key more invested in + comitted to elizabeth in a specific. 'i want to be on good terms w this person' targeted way than he initially was w peter (since their mutual obsession manifests so fucking frequently as 'what, you're gonna hit me? you're gonna hit me with that big bat? better make it hurt. better kill me in one shot!' style antagonism)

HENCE the constant check ins w their relationship, reminding peter about anniversaries and dinner times etc, though that’s also due to a general fascination he has w stability + permanence

we learn in s2 he was seriously considering proposing to kate, and that he genuinely wanted to take the ‘true love’ way out of the conman life, even though he wasn’t quite sure whether it would stick, hence we see a lot in s2 his fascination w peter + els marriage, along with june (crime aunty <3)‘s relationship w her passed husband

a lot of his dedication to peter circa s2 is, by my reckoning, explicitly because peter is so determined to stick with Neal, and doesn’t give up on him/their deal even when it would be entirely reasonable (neal admits to crimes, gets put back in prison, constantly breaks rules and goes looking for kate) which is like. neal HATES being trapped, but he also REALLY values consistency + competency

hence the complexes, y'know?

[tableintheteacherslounge]

Abbott Elementary S03E07 thoughts

Melissa having a spare room baring in mind we’ve seen her house feels fake sorry - How will she have a room mate but noone look at her pictures and keep control of her kitchen. I get its gonna be for plot but i don’t buy it

I’m w ava that’s a woman who just found out she’s not pregnant - that’s a woman who’s been successfully slutting it up (how’s she gonna slut it up with a roommate)

Omg protective barb 🥺 (ALSO BARBS RIGHT BC MEL WOULDNT GIVE OUT HER ADDRESS WILLINGLY)

AS SOON AS SHE SAID NERD I THOUGHT JACOB

“I know its gods will but hes gotten awfully creative” 😭😭😭😭😭

I love it when Mr johnson lore gets unlocked

Manny and the beard whew 😮‍💨 I was literally wondering where he was so I’m glad they’re using him again

Janine ur SO SMART this is such a good idea and not like a janine unnecessarily fixing a problem like an actual good idea- good job babygirl

Not ava spilling the tea to the whole room

Ponytail melissa at home is so personal to me, I love that this continues from s2, this is just who she is, she throws her hair up when she’s at home. I like that she’s wearing the eagles hoodie we’ve seen before too. Love the hair, makeup & costume details on this show

“I only know how to cook for 12” 😭

Finally mel talking about her breakup! Damn maybe it really was “im not bringing this to school” this whole time

Also Gary being a dead ringer for her dad?? I’m not saying my headcanons are more correct than the show but I disagree with this statement. Gary is not schemmenti coded.

Omg the jacob melissa work momming work sonning ive been dreaming of

“And dont forget theres a 3 booked limit 😒” barb is PISSED and i LOVE IT

“Oh i know what a google doctor is 😤”

Barb really is the best character on tv im sorry noone can do it like sheryl lee ralph like they just cant Shes everything

Janine forgetting the key term (pottery wheel) in her analogy she is so me

“Jacob if u dont like my ziti just say so and i will heave myself out that window” 😭😭

“I went to find mr johnson but he was still crying” NO 😭💔 hes just a sensitive guy 😔

“Mrs howard i blew down the house” 🥺🤏🏻 I love the kids being so central in this ep, I’ve missed that recently, and the kindergarteners are soooo cute

“🐷 I am a pig 🐺 i am a wolf 😄 and im a librarian who thinks she can just change everything around here 👋” IJBOL no please give sheryl another emmy I beg

“This programme is more of a distraction than an improvement” that’s teaaa actually. Thats so often what councils etc do, distract with new flashy things rather than fix the real problems. Even though in this case it’s well meaning it does make u think how big a priority should the library actually be? But actually children reading is super important and what did they say last season? The librarian was an alexa in glasses? 🤣

“You okay? You look like raven having a vision” 😭 you don’t understand how often i say this

I have thoughts on Barbara’s intentions and my instinct is gregory needs to keep her name out his mouth. I do think it’s really important that Janine stood up to Barbara, just maybe gregory made barbara seem worse than she was

“It’s been a rough week I could use the pick me up” i just love mr johnson

My immediate reaction was this one of my favourite episodes of the season - lots of excellent Barb moments, the kids, more mr johnson, story arcs I enjoyed and felt completed.

Janine standing up to Barbara was a really big deal for her considering her hatred of conflict and worship of barbara as a mother figure. It made me really proud to see how far janine has come.

But the longer since watching the less I like it. And it’s two main things:

- the jacob melissa room mate situation feels like jumping the shark for plots sake and not something realistic for those characters. So as much as I enjoy them and their dynamic and their growth it just feels fake.

- I dont care about the librarian. The set up feels like she could stick around and I just don’t care for new characters, I like my main people. (But then the same apprehension was had w the district people and they’ve not seemed to be around much).

I do still really like this ep and it definitely ranks highly in the season, just idk, some eps I enjoy more over time but this has made me feel more confused as to what will happen next I guess.

[dejasenti99]

1 and 2 for any (or all.. :3 jk) Deja Senti OCs, 12 for Bowie and Eros, 3 for Prey AND/OR Psyche ANDDDD last one (im sorry </33), 21 if you want :3 (at least I didnt send 1-21 like I said wanted to AJHGSHJ)

ok for the first two i chose who i wanted to talk abt the most

1. nerve is super fun bc he’s very comfortable with expressing his very fluid gender identity in the way that he dresses :-) his pronouns are he/they and if he was asked he would say that “””male””” is just. not what he is lol they’d probably just shrug vaguely and be like 🙂↔️

2. eros doesn’t label his sexuality and neither does psyche, but it’s kind of two different ways?

eros feels like he isn’t obligated to give the world an answer to what he is. if he wants you, he wants you and you should feel lucky. people are more toys than anything to him so sexuality doesn’t matter to him. psyche on the other hand just doesn’t really process affection and ‘love’ the way another person may, so he doesn’t feel comfortable with putting his sexuality in a box and feeling like he’d have to stick to that. it’s too restricting and makes him feel overwhelmed.

3. prey pretty plainly started looking for any attention from whoever would give it to him starting from a young age. in high school, he moved away from seeking that ‘any’ attention from teachers and the likes and wanted more of a romantic connection. he was able to figure out quickly after starting this adventure in life that girls were just not it for him lol.

12. bowie really hasn’t had any reason to not be secure in her sexuality but eros struggled HARDDDD with internalized and blatantly external homophobia when he was in high school sadly. not towards bowie but just in general @ himself bc he’s most important in the whole world duh. he’d turn his attraction to the guys in his classes into anger and was like. a huge ~ bully ~ for a WHILE partially fueled because of that. he didn’t understand why he felt like that and it scared him real bad. if he HAD to label it he’s a bisexual w a male lean for sure.

anyway he didn’t have parents around to monitor what media he was consuming, and while bowie went down a more accepting and educational path that allowed her to come to terms with being a lesbian early on in high school, eros was busy fucking around with fake punks that just wanted an excuse to be bigots using their subculture as a shield. and then one night after him n bo graduated he got reeeeally drunk at a house party and hooked up with a guy for the first time and was like oh! guys are just as easy to get to do what i want and give me what i want as girls are. this opens so many more doors. so to speak :-) and somewhere along the way he just fkn stopped caring about The Gays bc it didn’t benefit him to waste his energy

21. sexuality in deja senti is gonna be really fun to explore. the way they all handle it and still have to learn as they go bc they’re all still pretty young is something i’m very excited to show :-) they WILL fuck up and do and say problematic things, and we just gotta watch the consequences of those actions from the sidelines i fear

[raedas]

hey i was just wondering how you figured out you were aro?? no pressure if you’re uncomfortable sharing of course ! but i’m kind of questioning and i thought maybe hearing other people’s experiences might help. and also i was in a relationship for almost a year so that’s probably somewhat significant and additionally complicating ahaha <333

hey anon!! first and foremost good luck with figuring everything out <33 i know at least for me, questioning can be a long and hard and typically ongoing process, but we'll make it through :] i'm gonna stick the rest of my answer beneath the read more bc im getting the sense im gonna go on for a bit FGDHLKSFAJ

one of the biggest things for me that i think is necessary to preface everything is that i've never really had an "oh" moment like some people talk about. there's never been a moment where i saw a label or a flag and was 100% sure i fit into that box, its more like... years worth of questioning and then the internal meter in my head slowly ticking over. like, when i was figuring out i was queer, i maybe started questioning in like... fifth grade you could say? but it started as more of a "oh im definitely not but like What if" and then gradually began to tick more and more towards "oh i think i might not be cishet" to eventually when i hit the... idk, 80% or 90% certainty mark it was more of a "fuck it, im queer" feeling. there's always going to be that bit of doubt for me, i think, and coming to terms with being aro was very similar for me in that regards

another thing is i was ALSO in a relationship for almost a year, and that's during the time when i was coming to terms with being aro/arospec, which im sure you can imagine was an Experience. i do think being in a relationship was the best thing for me trying to figure out i was aro though, bc i definitely got that sense of Wrongness of trying to think of myself as existing in a romantic relationship. like, when i thought of myself as having a romantic partner, it always felt a bit like i was playing at a part and acting like i had romantic feelings more than i actually did. of course that came with.. a lot of me trying to ignore my own feelings and feeling guilty about it up until i broke up with my now ex (this is like the funniest inside joke ever to us now dw) so that's where i was coming from w/ my experiences

i also began to realize that like, whenever i try to imagine myself in a romantic relationship, its always in some ambiguous future like 10 or so years down the line, which completely distances myself from the idea. i have no idea what a romantic relationship with someone would look like for me, it was just this idea of "yeah, someday in an ambiguous future ill have a romantic relationship with someone and we'll cook together and hug each other and have fun" until i realized that i don't actually want a romantic relationship, and also that... none of those things that i actually envisioned are exclusive to a romantic relationship. in my life ive had a grand total of 2 crushes, both of which were/are queerplatonic but also like... if i imagine having an Actual relationship its just stressful to me and not even really appealing, despite the fact that i have a crush on them.

one of the most important things im coming to terms is that its okay if im wrong, its okay if however many years down the line i find out that im actually entirely allo and fall in love with someone. like i said i dont know if ill ever be 100% confident in my own labels especially with the whole issue of "how do you prove a negative". for now, though, calling myself aro is something that makes me happy and feels, most of the time, accurate. another really important thing i think is that aromanticism is entirely a spectrum. you could be aromantic or arospec in a billion different ways*, or you could be none of them, and thats okay too <333 good luck with everything anon i hope hearing about my experiences helped a bit :]

[aviangrian]

ITS THE ANON FROM EARLIER HI!!! but OHHHH my GOD???? YOU STILL HAVE SO MUCH OF THE STORY LEFT??? im actually SO scared 😭😭😭😭😭😭 soo much can happen in just 5 chapters........... and that makes me Worried. but also your quote about how part of grian opening up to scar was because of how scar let him do it in his own time and his own terms was just UGHHHHH. they make me so ill i love them. like obviously all scar wants to do is help and hes very respectful, so he respects grian being a bit secretive/mysterious abt his backstory and is very patient, and lets grian come to him when he is ready...

but i also feel like another part of scar waiting for grian to open up whenever he was ready is that it was just... Inevitable? no one has given scar ANYTHING to go off of. not even bread crumbs before his talk with grian in chapter 6... LIKE ESPECIALLY IN CHAPTER 3??? i saw a comment about how it felt like they were testing scar anout what to do with grian and honestly i?? Kinda see it??? like all scar wants to do is HELP but NO ONES THROWING HIM ANYTHING!!!! i have SO many feelings about chapter 3 its actually wild... but i can just *read* scars conflict in the chapters and its just ☹️☹️ like even after 12 weeks you would think theyd give him atleast something,,, that obviously doesnt overstep grians boundaries ofc. like i get how they arent saying anything because its grians story to tell, but i just wanna know what happens already!!!!!

i feel like there will be so much scar and grian angst during the time of these 5 chapters and im SO WORRIED. that tag of angst with a happy ending is making me SO FUCKING SCARED RNNN 😭😭😭😭😭 if something bad happens between them i will Sob... like i feel like one of those cartoon characters where the character is looking nervous and is rapidly biting their fingernails

but also holding onto the hope that scar Will eventually get p1 in one of the races during these 5 upcoming chapters. PRAYING FOR MY BOY 😭😭😭 someone give that guy a p1!!!!!! or at least a spot on the podium!!!!!

anyways i didnt even notice i started rambling again... this story just has me in an absolute chokeholddd,,, I HOPE UR DAY IS GOING GOOD THOUGH LMAOOO!!! good luck on your exams!!!!!! i hope ur semester treats you well 😢😢😢

i do have a lot left! we’re barely at the summer break so yeah, it’s going to be a long 5 chapters. keep angst with a happy ending! it’ll be okay for them. eventually ;)

ch 3 was not the kindest to scar! he’s new in a situation where so much has been established from a time before he even had a contract. texting him in that ch is a good way of putting it: while joel and others may be trusting, there’s still a level of unease going around.

scar being so patient is a big part of why grian even begins trusting him. he knew scar was going to stick around just because he’s joel’s teammate, but i think he was surprised when he felt his own walls go down. it’s why he’s so confused in ch 6. while he struggles w being vulnerable and open, scar does it so easily w him.

i love your rambling anon! i love talking about my story and i get to ramble in return lol. your asks are so sweet, thank you anon 🩷🫶

[jackienautism]

Now I’m really curious about your thoughts on the other counselors. I don’t really have any strong opinions on them much tbh idk why. Maybe it’s the whole “horny teenager” trope or something

(finally getting around to this. sorry for taking so long dfkldg)

yeaaaah fair enough dfgjndg thats exactly why i get pissed off playing the game tbh. it just becomes so convoluted with this romantic whatever bullshit that it gets SUPER TIRING...... but that's ok though bc silas kaylee and caleb need someone to love them unconditionally right?

anywho! i appreciate you wanting to see my other unfiltered opinions on the characters kdfgdfjg bc gosh do i have a lot. especcially for TQ bitches. as i just ssaid,

i AM going to get unfiltered and potentially brutal so if anyone is your ultimate bestie i recommend not reading (abi and laura are safe though of course<3) (mainly because nothing about either of them necessarily irritated me LOL and im easy to irritate)

im going to reference my thoughts on the characters from a note i wrote after playing through like ? chapter 4 for the first time. but honestly not miuch has changed. and just to preface this a good portion of my negative opinions come from the campfire scene in chapter 2 LOL like. when i first played the game i began disliking like more than half the characters here alone

//

dylan: talked about him here (its not positive)

//

nick: i just think hes a prick who doesn't deserve abi 🤷 of course he was given the short end of the stick in terms of screentime, but its kind of funny bc kaitlyn has a similar amount of Actual walk around time and she's there like. the entire game LMAO so yeah that pisses me off. nick has 3 moments where you play as him, and kaitlyn has 5/6, depending on how you separate her section in chapter 10. they both have the same amount of Get To Explore And Walk Around time though, which is a whopping total of one thanks guys. anywho. even before he began acting like a creep i didnt like him lol... and no surprise but it all stems from chapter 2...

long story short, i dont doubt that nick actually cares for abi and likes her but i think in the grand scheme of things it mostly has to do w/ him wanting tits and ass... sort of similar to mike's whole deal... and i believe this based on the bullshit he pulls w/ emma. yeah he says that "tHiS mIgHt NoT bE a GoOd IdEa" and yet he still plays along despite dylan saying that 2 people can kiss AS LONG AS everyone consents. he could've gotten out of the situation. and yet he fucking didnt. i dont care if he didnt realize the consequences of his actions, if he TRULY liked abi he wouldnt have done this shit in the first place. "ive had my moments, im not proud of some of the stuff ive done" DOG YOU JUST HAD A MOMENT AND YOURE NOT EVEN FUCKING APOLOGIZING TO THE PERSON YOU HURT!!!!!! idc if it technically wasnt totally his fault. he still was involved in humiliating and upsetting abi. all he blames it on is playing alonog with emma's plan to make jacob jealous and aside from that just being such a shitty anf fucked up excuse in general, its not even ???? true?????????? GOD. IM SORRY. THE WHOLE SITUATION MAKES ME SO UPSET

//

jacob: as said in my previous TQ / UD rankings... i really flip flop w/ him alot. however im def leaning towards neutral to dislike NGL. i HAAATED his whole thing w/ emma like incredibly so. however. i did feell real bad for him during chapter 1, despite already knowing that he was the one to bust the truck up and keep everyone there another night. i felt bad despite already having a reason TO dislike him. kaitlyn was being mean for no reason. nick and dylan were being mean for no reason. it's just... it's almost like he was being used as the group's laughing stock. but as time went on i just continually became less and less willing to sympathize . hell, he's just a INFINITELY less sympathetic josh... of course seeing him crying and upset in ch 3 was sad, but at this point i don't really know what he expected im sorry. he really dragged all these other people into his bullshit with emma. and it's more than clear how emma feels about their relationship, of course emma wasn't great either with him, but jacob isn't an angel ... EITHER in this situation. of COURSE he couldn’t have known that the night would go the way it does, but it doesn’t negate the fact that fucking up the truck was a shitty move regardless LMAO as said previously, i HAAATe how fucking possessive he is of her. like when nick tells jacob that he could see what emma wantss? and jacob just laughs it off? it's so fucking stupid dog. character wise though, he of course has a lot going for him and i can see why people find appeal in him. especially seeing hwo many stereotypes theyre subverting, in terms of jacob showing emotions and shit. but for me personally, it's a no

//

ryan: my man🤝 even after all this time.... i find him very respectable and i very much appreciate him. similar to my deal w/ abi, even his more "asshole-ish" moments / dialogue choices (aside from a few off the top of my head LOL) are like. justified... and in character... like. him being so pissed off at and wary of laura? like????? laura is my beloved but this random girl just popped out of nowhere, killed one of his closest friends, and now wants to kill what he has of a father figure? like yeah id be acting like ryan too if i were put into his situation LMAO yeah you can be annoyed w/ his actions and behavior, but in context? the way he's acting is understandable and justified. it doesnt DESERVE criticism, because there's nothing to criticize! he's acting as any normal person would! of COURSE it's annoying how he doesn't BELIEVE laura, that's a whole other can of worms, but overall he's allowed to be a pissed off little bitch. and him potentially going against the whole party idea? that line of dialogue is just more in character for him i will not accept any other answer. it makes no sense that he'd suddenly go against chris' word. and it PISSES ME OOOOFF seeing how the game still like ? has ryan show up to the party despite being adamant against it.

ANYWAY.... ppl don't appreciate his autistic swag like i do. "he has no character" "he's boring" TO YOU. y'all rly see a character mainly speak in a monotone voice and rarely smile / show expression and go. yeah he's boring . do you not see the like . connotations of that. like be for real. he’s like. one of the only few genuinely good ppl here lmao and seeing how chris says that ryan is one of his fave counselors and how he TRUSTS him enough to hold all this responsibility + have all these in depth talks w him it’s just. you see what kind of person ryan is just from that. and how so far ryan is the only character (while you’re in control) who’s able to interject whatever bullshit is being said at the moment it just. i’m sorry. he’s just a good guy. i respect how he’s willing to go against the bulk of the group during the whole party or lodge thing. i also respect that he’s willing to put a fucking end to dylan’s invasive fucked up truth question. i KNOW that it all depends on the Player to choose these specific options BUT. they just fit ryan’s character more so🤷 what can i say. fuck everyone else

//

max: my bf (real)

laura: my gf (real)

abi: me (irl)

//

emma: in my original note i said that i was leaning torwards neutral to dislike lmao....... oh have the turns havbe tabled. anywho. i think shes such a stupid dumbass bitch. she's so funny for no goddamn reason. i am shoving her down a flight of stairs. i love her character sooo much. i hate how she acted with jacob (despite most of it being her people pleaser side Showing but, that's a whole different conversation i am willing to have). she's suuuuch a beloved but gooooooood god i draw the line at being such a shitty friend to abi. that's my biggest complaint when it comes to emma and her actions. i understand that she has a moment where she's like "you're my best friend, i need you" and i fucking eat that shit up but almost everything else that happens and happens prior..... just goddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

to get started. most of this is gonna be nitpicky and personal shit, so if you think it's small and shouldn't be addressed, then you're probably right LOL im just ultra sensitive to this sort of stuff due to past personal experiences. ANYWAY!!!!!! you know the little teasy comment emma makes towards abi after you avoid hitting the squirrel? how she's like, "this is her first time asking a guy out like EVER"? it makes me wanna beat her up fr kldfggnfg bc it's like... it's not a thing to joke about... i see sooo much of myself in abi meaning i see her as autistic and that's just. you know how much being autistic hinders those sort of abilities? i obviously can't say for sure but, seeing how abi later talks about people wantingher to interact w/ others better? hence why she went to summer camp in the first place? i'd say that probably isn't too outrageous to think...

and sort of continuing off that same topic, when abi is having trouble choosing someone for truth or dare, how emma is just like. "ding ding ding, my turn!" LIKE. AS HER FRIEND. WHO PROBABLY KNOWS ABOUT HOW MUCH ABI STRUGGLES SOCIALLY. DON'T YOU THINK SHE'D BE LIKE? "OHH ABI JUST PICKK ME" INSTEAD OF HUMILIATING HER? LIKE. BC THERES SOOO MANY DIFF WAYS OF MOVING ON AND HELPING ABI OUT....... GOING ABOUT IT THW WAY EMMA DID ISN'T THE WAY TO GO......... ESPECIALLY KNNOWING HOW SOCIALLY ANXIOUS ABI IS.... anyway. while we're on the campfire scene, it's so fucked why she chooses to kiss nick lmao like ok yeah it may work in the end (potentially) but its still ?????????????? girl you know how much abi likes nick (SUPPOSEDLY) why go about this shit in the most destructive way possible? and what makes me even MORe mad is that. they dont even ever address this scene ever again???? despite it being such a huge and humiliating and probably traumatizing moment for abi??????????? YES they're able to have a more in depth andf heart to heart conversation about their relationship. but its not fucking enough! bc that fucking stupid ass dare and its outcome was the catalyst for the rest of the night's events lmao! imagine beign brushed aside and seen as a social fucking experiment for your entire life. which is something im SURE abi has felt and experienced. and emma, her best friend, LITERALLY CONTRIBUTES TO THAT!!!!!! ITS SO FUCKED AND IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY. i could probably go on about this topic but ill leabe it for a separate post i guess anyway if i were abi id be fucking pissed off and upset

her character means so very much to be like her whole people pleaser and "curate myself to each individual person ive ever met to keep them fromn leaving me" resonates so so much with me and i love it so much. ive talked about this b4 in a previous post but i can only imagine how lonely she feels, acting the way she acts. no one will ever truly know who she is. shes in a constant state of performance. every single person she's ever met has a different perception of her in their head. and, in one way or another, it's all wrong!!!! i love you emma mountebank i love you abigail blyg

//

kaitlyn: i wont even lie i instantly fell in love w her after hearing the INSANE shit she says fnsjfjsnf esp felt it after the “jacob go upstairs. jacob get bag. kaitlyn moves on with her goddamn life” fell in love fr. and her whole stupid monologue after jacob was like "yeah i mean, what did i expect would happen?" SHES LITERALLY INSANE. but. like. i was not and still Am not happy w how she treated abi during the campfire scene though. due to 1. her telling abi to basically hurry the fuck up despite seeing how much she was GENUINELY struggling, and also potentially knowing about her social struggles prior. bc they're friends. right? and 2. just coming up wiht the dare in general lol it was such a fucked up thing to do and as ive said w/ emma, the fact theyre unable to actually jhave a convo abt it later is suuuuper dumb and shitty imo. esp seeing just how upset abi got, and the most fucked up thing is, neither kaitlyn NOR emma seem to show any remorse for it!!!!! that's just so fucked up

anywho. hate how both of their asian girls (emily in until dawn) are characterized as bossy and very. my way or the highway. it’s actually real fucked up in that light. fuck you supermassive. y’all are lucky that these 2 characters are their respective games’ baddest bitches . i SUPPOSE it isn’t THAT as big of a deal in this game bc. there are like. objectively more unlikable characters (in the guys AND girls) so kaitlyn doesn’t stand out as much (as emily did. she was practically written to be hated. bc NO ONE ELSE was as strong personality wise as her. i suppose jess comes close but 1. i think ppl shit on her for other stupid shit anyway SO and 2. she effs off for more than half the game) but it still doesn’t make it ok lmao. bc it’s a trend that is very :/ mmmmmmm. even if it’s not that much of a cliche stereotype for asian women, seeing them write both of their asian girls ALMOST THE EXACT SAME WAY is a bit sussy goddamn baka. went off a bit there lmao. anyway. i’m a weak pussy bitch and after she softened after abi returned freaked out i 😭 i love you. more positive (and NON GUY related) interactions between the girlies please. i literally love her relationship w/ abi so much it's so interesting to me.

and just... to talk about her character real quick, i mmentioned in my tier list that her character frustrates me. and you wanna know why? ive talked abt this b4 but her character is basically a watered down emily davis. and i say this bc. they both overall are the same archetype. except. in kaitlyn's case. there's really no reason for me to like ???? feel bad for her? djjfggkj LIKE. THERE'S LITTLE TO NO SUBSTANCE TO HER CHARACTER.... AND THERE CERTAINLY ISNT MUCH TO FEEL SYMPATHETIC FOR..... i say this bc. almost all the other TQ characters have this moment of ): aw, here's why i should care about and feel bad for you. BUT KAITLYN????? NEVER REALLY OUTRIGHT HAS THAT MOMENT,..... it's almsot like they threw her in there and threw in her characteristics last second.... nothing's really established w/ her. you just. you just keeo finding new stuff about her as the game goes on. like. oh. shes a good shot. oh. she cares about abi. and shit like that. im probably explaining this so terribly rn but hopefully some sense can be made from this scramble. it's just.... thye toook away the interesting aspect(s) of emily'scharacter (her anxiety, her fear of death, her complex to be protected while being fully capable of protecting herslef in times of danger etc etc) and thus gave us kaitlyn. to me she just. she isnt that interesting character wise! there isnt much there for me to grow attached to! people only like her bc shes associated w/ dylan! like shes one of those characters where you sort of HAVE to mold and shape into something that's familiar and Good

re reading htis it really sounds like i don't like her fdjkdg BUT I DO I PROMISE.... i gotta stick w/ my asian girls

//

abi but for real: 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 do i even need to say anything? its like supermassive made a character purposely JessCore or something like that. i like. haven’t gone In Depth abt why i got so fucked up over what everyone else did to her during the camp fire scene but. know that it hit a little toooooo fucking close to home. like. I Could See Me Sitting There In Abi’s Spot and it HUUUUUUURT!!!!!!!!!!!! like ): seeing her avert her gaze and how she was fumbling over her words i ))): LIKE. AUGHH. esp after being asked THAT question? since not sleeping w/ anyone by this age is seen as “abnormal”? i could feel that so bad man ): no one deserves to be singled out like that. esp not a VERY much autistic girl who is pretty clear to be on the “outside” of the group. bc she’s not “normal” or not “like everyone else here” and it’s just. fuck you all fr choke. enough of that. i just. she’s so fucking cute too? like girl i love you so MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! her lil like. expressive noises and shit are so awesome and make me happy fnsjfjsf you only see them like twice BUT. you don’t really see that from the other characters. so basically: stims. autism. yeah. they rly made abi a little TOO realistic nd relatable fnsjfnnsf but ohhhh man do i love her oh so much. after the camp fire scene i was just. she’s my friend now fuck all of you

//

laura but for real: I MISSED HER AND MAX SOOOOO BAD WHILE PLAYING THROUGH CHAPTERS 1 - 6 SKLDDFJDF i was literally so upset and sad seeing that they werent at camp after the prologue. du eto like literallty all of the characters getting on my nerves I WANTED THEM TO COME HOME SOOOO BAD.... AFTER THE CAMP FIRE SCENE EVERYTHING WENT DOWNHILL AND I MIIISSSEED THEM SOO MUCH i needed them back for real. other than that though, i dont have much to say about laura. i mean of course she's my BELOVED i mean look at my user but. yeah! i think about her often and project some anger shit onto her<3 specifically towards travis for specific and personal reasons<3 even if it's not like character stuff or w/e i think about, i often just rotate herin my mind. i love her so much. plus she's literally a combo of emily and sam aka my 2 fave UD characters how could i not love her?

//

max but for real: i honestly dont have much to say abt him? and i suppose he and laura arent /technically/ a part of the other counselors since they never, yk, showed up. but w/e fdfjgndg i think he's neat. i honestly thought he was like one of the only Good Guys of the game when first playing through,. and that still holds true! i still see ryan as a great guy too though. max just seems like such a good partner and guy in general and i love him. don't necessarily think about him much but as i said before, he's my bf (real)

[squigglylinesstuff]

honestly was bored enough to scribble what I think numbuh 85s hair cut looked liked before..yk -

For a character that was absent a lot , I actually have my own headcanons of him I would like to share!

-I see Paddy as the 2x4 fixer-upper or second in command of sector w

-Paddy is that one character that tries to act cool an stuff and even introduces himself in that term but his teammates immediately decline that or sarcastically agrees. he is often teased a lot but he also gets back at them as he is quite a jokester himself

-He is as tall as Sonia and is a couple months older then everyone else so Numbuh 85 likes to pretend he’s the boss but Harvey quickly makes him regret his choice of decision.

-Paddy is gifted with intelligence, he knows how to make plans on the spot with almost any item. Sector W admires that aspect of him as it is very useful when being chased by an adult.

-The relationship statuses:

Harvey: Being second in command, Harvey does expect him to be in top form almost all the time. This leads him to being more strict with Paddy and being partnered up with him for a majority of the missions. Paddy respects his leader but he’s also afraid of him at the same time. They tease one another, getting a laugh at each other’s mistakes or embarrassing moments but in they tend to bond at times.

Lee: Paddy and Lee are on good terms. They like playing games and hanging out with each other at school. Lee struggles with math and looks for Numbuh 85’s help with homework. Like Numbuh 363, Numbuh 84 laughs at Paddy’s embarrassing moments and tend to tease him too but Paddy gets him back by poking at his height.

Sonia: She oftens sticks up for Paddy when the others make fun of him, sometimes she giggles at the jokes but quickly stops and apologizes. Numbuh 83 tends to walk into his jokes on accident and Numbuh 85 panics that she’ll get him back but even worse one day. Despite all of that, Sonia looks up to him as he is the smartest/oldest of them all. Paddy trys to help Numbuh 83 with her fear of the dark by building her night lights but it always gets wrecked some how.

heres sector w being kind about his haircut! (except harvey, i thought it would be funny to add him wheezing)

AA ITS SO LATE IM SORRY IF ANYTHING IS WORDED WRONG

..do any of y’all have sector w headcanons?

[vsa-pieldepapel]

Oh Kris, oh baby, oh. Okay, I'm dumping a bit here, and I hope I don’t strike a cord within you, but overwhelming curiosity has me wondering if you might agree:

What if because they're the only human in Hometown, they don't recognize that they differ from other humans? They assume that their deviations from "the norm" are due to being human? What if their discomfort/confusion with being autistic coincides with their species dysphoria?

What if that's why Toriel constantly checked that human caretaking guidebook out from the Librarby? Because everything the guidebook said about human behavior only applied to neurotypical humans?

What if, because they think that their autistic traits are due to their humanity, they never get properly diagnosed and never receive proper treatment?

Oh my god, autistic Kris makes the entire possession situation even more upsetting. They're quiet, they're not talkative, but the Player forces them to interact with every enemy and person and vendor and chest and piece of furniture, never letting a piece of dialogue or flavor text go unseen. The whole forcing Kris out of their comfort zone thing really just hits harder.

Holy shit, holy shit, I'm convinced of its canonicity now. I'm convinced. There's too much subtext that just fits perfectly. Like, as much subtext as their nb-ness (kind of subtext? Kind of not).

>i hope I don’t strike a chord within you

You did, everything related to this shit does, but thats fine I know when I have to distance myself from it and i dont blame others for it. So I’ll treat it more about kris the fictional character and less about my life experiences, using the latter only to inform the former. Thoughts under cut. again I dunno if this post will Disappear later on lol

-I disagree. I do think kris has very little knowledge of other humans and has maybe never seen one irl, but the human standard and the monster standard seem just close enough even in monster-only hometown kris is weird. Kris is aware they’re different. I think part of it may be them conflating both physical and mental differences. both compound to make them feel extra isolated

-the book, i never thought it was about That, though I can see toriel noticing the differences. I think toriel took it out constantly because of the different challenges that came w a human kid, aka diet, clothes for winter, illnesses, blood and injuries, puberty, etc. maybe there was a behaviour aspect to it but I dont think it was the main reason. I think kris has a female/xx/afab body because afab autistics are so good at masking it makes a clinical difference, which is why everyone refers to kris as a weirdo but the A word is never brought up. They’re just good at covering up the deeper shit

-The diagnosis thing is another reason why I stick with femkris (I’ll just use that for brevity cus picking the terms is hard okay? Correct it in your mind). I got diagnosed at 21. i dont doubt they would finish teenagehood without a diagnosis, if they ever get it at all. I dont think it’s necessarily because of the species thing so much as people just sticking to “weirdo” and “quirky” and never bothering to research on a deeper level (as tends to happen irl)

-As for the nb thing, I’ll be real, Per the net’s definition im a “desister”. I was abt to buy a binder and socially transition at age 19. My hairs been very short for years, my fashion very androgynous, i get called young man/boy/sir outside and inside the net constantly and I was always ostracised by girls... I like femkris because it brings back memories from that time and the % of autistics who transition (and desist, detransition, or just stay in their new identity) is high (so like the whole thing is interconnected). sometimes I scarcely feel like a human at all, much less like whatever standards people have for “girls”. I use they them for kris because of nostalgic value/cus it’s what the game does. I think they’d probably stick to being nb for life cus monster kid does too without any problem. This parts projection and very cringey. I am sorry you had to read this kek. I would rather not go on a rant about this part of my life because I know no one cares

Finally on the possession and it being canon- I don’t like the way the fandom acts about the possession sometimes. I think kris has enough of a will even under Player to give strict boundaries. Kris saves Susie of their own will for example, and if you make them say something they don’t want to they will twist it around to be a joke or sarcastic. I like to think when the game gives you an option to do something, it is because kris, consciously or subconsciously, is willing to do it, and if they really don’t want to do something, they won’t let you. But only two chapters are out- we just don’t have enough information to know this yet

I also don’t think it’s canon. I don’t think Toby fox went out of his way to write this in deliberately, because I know my autist brain loves pattern recognition and connecting little dots of information, cataloguing and labelling it, and that is probably how I come up with all the random shit i do. I wouldnt take it as canon until either the game or Toby make it explicitly stated. Its just something I like to think for fun or comfort, and I would def not use it to enforce anything

Like the other post, if this gets trouble from tumbler dot com it shall go in the gutter

[starsstruck]

under the amber light

an enemies-to-lovers (kind of) where mc finds herself working in a darkroom along with harry, who she has never gotten along with. 35mm film, watermelon slices, and a lot of dim amber lighting.

pairing: harry x reader words: 12.5 k rated: M

an: hello ! i am back w another little something. i hope everyone enjoys, and im sorry if i got any technical things wrong i havent stepped foot in a darkroom in like 3 years, but yeah ! let me know your feelings and thoughts, enjoy !💘                                                              ***

A breathless ‘hello’ accompanied by a smile as you opened the front door, waving as heads turned towards you.

“Sorry we’re late,” you grinned as Margot pulled you in for a quick hug. You had to work a bit later than usual, Aiden meeting you after your shift ended, both heading to your shared place to change and have a few drinks before heading over to Margot’s. “Work was busy today.”

“Don’t worry about it,” beaming at you, you could tell she’s already had quite a few drinks herself. “People are just getting here now.”

She and her roommates had decided to throw a little party, using the excuse of exams being over for nearly everyone. Her place was usually designated as the ‘party house’ as they had the whole house, not having to deal with irritated landlords, and the neighbours never seemed to mind. Their place was also a bit bigger, even having a little porch to sit out on and a small backyard space.

After waving hello to a few more of your friends that sat on the couches, both Aiden and you headed over to Margot’s room to leave your jackets and bags.

Hearing your name being called from the kitchen as you carried the beers that you had brought over caught your attention. “Hey!”

The familiar voice of Margot’s partner carried through the kitchen, opening your arms wide as you accepted his hug. “Haven’t seen you in a while.” Aleks seemed to have also had more drinks than you, eyelids a bit heavy as he grinned down at you.

“Busy couple of weeks,” you hummed, small frown on your lips as you recalled the final weeks of the semester. You were lucky to only have one exam this semester, but the numerous final papers and assignments were just as bad.

Placing the beers you had brought into the fridge after grabbing one for yourself, you paused for a second when you noticed the fridge magnet bottle opener was not at its usual place.

Glancing across the kitchen at Harry, who’s only acknowledgement of you was a brief glance in your direction when Aleks had called your name. Noticing he had the bottle opener in question, you pulled your attention back to Aleks. “You all done for the term?”

“Yeah,” Aleks sighed, taking a sip of his own drink. “Not as heavy course load this term so I was done fairly early. What about you? Harry mentioned you guys were in the same art history class; I heard the final was pretty tough.”

Glancing over at Harry, you saw his attention was also pulled to Aleks at the mention of his name. His eyes paused on you for a beat, before moving past you to place the magnetic bottle opener back on the fridge.

You knew Harry was the in the same class as you, but there had been very little interaction. In fact, there has been very little interaction between the two of you in general in the months that you had known each other. He was a good friend of Aleks’, and had been quickly integrated into your friend group after Margot started dating Aleks, but you had yet to have any kind of real conversation with him. Quite frankly, you had no idea why Harry seemed to have such distaste for you. His attitude towards you had giving you a bad impression of him, but you had remained polite as ever. Although after nearly four months, it was starting to get irritating.

Grabbing the bottle opener from the fridge, you popped open your own beer before answering Aleks’ question as Harry gave no indication of butting in.

“’M all done as well yeah,” you mused over the stressful weeks that had passed. “I only had one exam, for that art history class. Prof was pretty tough, but she was good. I liked the class a lot.”

You could feel Harry’s eyes burning into the side of your face as you spoke about your shared class, but you refused to look at him.

“Sounds like you had a better time in that class than Harry,” your friend turned to Harry once again, teasingly swatting at his arm.

You only hummed at his words, taking a big gulp of your beer so you wouldn’t have to speak. You could hear friends in the other room laughing loudly, wanting to go join them rather than stand in the kitchen with someone who wanted nothing to do with you.

“You’re here for the summer, aren’t you? Margot mentioned you guys might head out for a little road trip.” Aleks directed his question to you once again.

“Yeah! That’ll be really good. Otherwise I don’t have any big plans. I’m not taking any summer courses, just working. I also started some part time work at a photo lab, developing some film.”

“You started working at a darkroom?”

Both you and Aleks turned to Harry as he spoke for the first time since you’d joined them in the kitchen. He was still leaning back on the counter, eyes narrowed on you. You met his gaze, holding it for a second before slowly nodding.

“Yeah…” muttering, you shot him another glance before focusing your attention back on Aleks. “I’m going to go say hey to everyone else, I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

Taking your chance to leave the kitchen and to head to where nearly everyone sat in the living room, you quickly turned the corner to go catch up with everyone else. It’s not that you didn’t enjoy Aleks’ company, you just wanted a chance to talk to everyone, and quite frankly you weren’t really in the mood to deal with Harry’s broodiness towards you. You didn’t understand it, to be honest. You’d seen him chatty and animated with nearly everyone else, leaving you to think he had some kind of problem with you personally.

Sliding in on the couch next to Margot and some other friends, easily joining in their conversation as you finished off the beer in your hand. The drink was soon replaced, as Margot bounced off to make the two of you some cocktails with whatever liquor she had in her kitchen.

Soon, you had caught up with your friends and were feeling the perfect amount of tipsy. You were resting your head on Aiden’s legs, as you sat on the floor in front of where he sat on the couch, as you both listened to Margot’s animated story about something that had happened during one of her finals.

Someone had grabbed the AUX, deciding to play some Dolly Parton, and you weren’t complaining at the choice. Aiden was playing with your hair, and you felt so content, so at peace. That peace was quickly interrupted, as Margot was tugging at your hand to pull you outside for a smoke.

“How are you,” she hummed, once the two of you were alone sitting across from each other on the porch steps.

“Good,” nodding, as you finally felt relieved from the stressful couple of weeks. “Happy to be done. This summer should be really good as well, everyone’s sticking around. What about you, how are you?”

Margot nodded at your words, smirk playing at her lips. “I’m good, yeah. Aleks wants me to go home with him for a week, meet his family.”

“Really,” drawing out the word, tapping her leg with your foot as you grinned at her. They hadn’t been going out that long, but you knew she was feeling good about their relationship. “You gonna go?”

“I think so,” she nodded, putting out her cigarette as she seemed to think it over. “I really want to. Bit nervous though.”

“They’ll love you,” you reassured. “I know Aleks does.”

“Yeah he does, doesn’t he,” she giggled, scooting over on the step you were sitting on to move closer to you, wrapping an arm you.

“How are things with that guy, what’s his name,” she spoke up after a moment, as you tapped the ash off your own cigarette.

“Nate?” Scoffing as she asked about the last guy you had a small fling with. “Haven’t really talked to him. Honestly he was a bit of a dick, didn’t really get along with him.”

“Yeah you mentioned that,” Margot hummed, resting her head on your shoulder. “Deserve someone better. Maybe you’ll meet someone at the photo lab you’re starting at.”

“Maybe,” you mused, trying not to romanticize the idea of meeting someone cute at your new summer job.

The door clicking open pulled your attention, as you watched Aiden come outside. “I’m heading over to Will’s.”

“You’re leaving?” Both Margot and you spoke the same thing at the same time, as Aiden wrapped his arms around the two of you for a tight hug.

“I’ll see you soon,” he grinned as he made his way down the steps. “You’re okay to get home?”

“Think I’m gonna crash here, I’ll be good.” Aiden nodded as you confirmed you would be okay. “Have fun!”

                                                            ***

“I’ll grab you a shirt,” Margot mumbled, riffling through her drawers.

Nearly everyone had left, and you were ready to lie down. Both of you had had a little too much to drink having the alcohol eventually making you tired, especially after your long day at work.

Aleks of course got the spot in Margot’s bed, so you were taking one of the couches, having already grabbed a mountain of blankets for yourself.

She passed you a big teeshirt, recognizing it as one she had found at a thrift store with you. “Harry’s crashing here too.”

“What?” Your voice dropped to a whisper-shout, in case someone outside her room could hear. “Where’s he sleeping?”

“On the other couch,” she shrugged. They had two couches in the living room, one much smaller than the other. You sighed, knowing you would inevitably be the one taking the shorter couch.

“That okay?”

“’Course,” you muttered. “It’s your house. Plus Harry’s the one that has a problem, not me.”

Margot rolled her eyes, changing into her pyjamas. “Harry doesn’t hate you,” she knew very well about your issues with him.

“He totally does!” Keeping your voice at a whisper in case the sound carried past the closed door.

“No one hates you.” Margot grinned at you, sitting next to you on her bed as you riffled through your bag. “I told you, he’s just like that with people he doesn’t know.”

“Known him nearly four months,” you mumbled under your breath.

“Well,” she paused. “He’s a sweet guy, I promise.”

Dropping the subject, you made your way over to the washroom and tried your best at taking off your makeup, borrowing a bit of Margot’s moisturizer so your skin wouldn’t freak out on you.

Realizing that everyone had left except for those spending the night, you bid your goodnight to Margot and Aleks before bringing your things to the living room. You were surprised to see Harry already there, distracted by whatever he was doing on his phone.

He glanced up as you dropped some blankets on the couch, eyes holding yours for barely a second. You suddenly felt self-conscious, his ever-intense gaze dropping to your bare legs for a second.

“I can take the small couch,” you mumbled, grabbing hold of a blanket for your makeshift bed.

“Right,” Harry coughed, placing his phone on the coffee table in front of him.

He watched you unfold the blankets, laying them down on the couch. You silently passed him some of the blankets you had gathered, noticing he only had one.

You also couldn’t help but notice he had also changed, wearing a pair of black joggers you could only assume he had borrowed from Aleks. His chest was bare, and you found yourself annoyed with how good he looked like that, forcing yourself not to try and make out newly exposed tattoos.

“Sorry,” he suddenly blurted, breaking the crisp silence as you both made your beds on the couches. “I know this is your usual sleeping spot.”

His words slurred slightly, but his expression was just as unreadable as ever. It was the most he’d said to you all night.

“S’no problem,” you offered him a small smile as your eyes met his. He caught you slightly off guard when he didn’t look away like he usually did. Holding your gaze for a second longer than he should have, you felt the beginning of a flush across your cheeks. His gaze was so intense on you, so nearly hot.

Still, he failed to return your smile, or any other sense of comradery towards you. Once again self-conscious under his stare, you were the one to look away. Muttering a small ‘night’ to him, you slid through the pile of blankets you had created for yourself.

If he had returned the bid goodnight, you hadn’t heard it.

Fine. Quietly huffing to yourself, rolling over on the couch with your legs having to lay a bit folded. You were grateful for how tired you were, not having to think too much about the fact that this situation otherwise would’ve made you nervous.

                                                            ***

As with any new job, you still felt a bit anxious as you came in for work, even if it had been nearly two weeks of working. As you pulled open the door, smiling at the woman behind the counter at the photo lab.

“Hi!” She greeted you immediately. “How are you?”

“Good thanks,” returning her smile as you moved past the door that separated the customer waiting area, to the behind the counter. “How about you? Busy today?”

“Not too bad, yeah. Mostly pickups. Some rolls back there for you to start on.”

“Perfect,” you smiled at her again, before opening the door that you knew led to the back. You were still a bit nervous, even after a couple shifts. You knew that you knew your way around a darkroom, but it was more daunting when you were working with paying customers photos, and not just your own.

Eyes scanning the room, trying to recall everything you had been told in training. Soon everything slipped your mind, as your eyes fell on a familiar face.

Mouth gaping slightly as if you were to speak, Harry met your gaze. Did he work here too? Why hadn’t you known that. You recalled that night at Margot’s a couple days ago, when you were talking about starting a new job at a darkroom. Why hadn’t he said anything?

“Hi,” you finally spoke, placing your bag on the table.

He was standing across the room, seeming to be mix solvents in the beginning stages of developing his film. He was looking at you from over his shoulder, dressed casually with a bandana pushed through his hair.

“Hi,” he mirrored, briefly looking down to what he was doing before fully turning to face you. “You started working here?”

Nodding slowly, expression matching his. “Yeah,” you smiled a bit, though he didn’t return it. “Just working in the back.” You pointed to the door that led to the darkroom.

He simply nodded, turning away from you again as he reached for something next to him. “These need to be printed.” He passed you a plastic cover filled with film strips, taking a step towards you.

“Right,” nodding, deciding if he wasn’t going to be decently nice you didn’t have to be either.

“You know how everything works, right?” The question irritated you, but your tried not to let it show. Of course you knew how everything worked, you had been hired here.

“Yeah,” was all you said, before opening up the door that brought you into a dark room, faced with another door. Once in the actual darkroom, you felt the wall for where you knew sat the switch for the dim amber lights.

Immediately getting to work, starting with preparing your separate baths filled with solvents. It was when you were pulling sheets of photo paper that you heard the door click open, eyes focusing to see Harry having joined you.

“Forgot to give you this,” he said quickly, sounding almost out of breath. Narrowing your eyes as you grabbed the sheet from his hands, squinting in the dim light to read the words written on the top of the page.

You felt irritated again. It was the basic information sheet on what settings to leave the enlarger at, and how many seconds you should expose for. “Just in case.”

He was practically smirking.

“Thanks.” Voice clipped; you knew it wasn’t best to be a bit moody with him but it wasn’t like he was your boss. You placed the sheet next to you on the counter, waiting for Harry to leave. He only nodded once more, before slipping out the door.

You got back to work, having fake arguments in your head with Harry after he left you bothered. How was it that you had never seen him here before? There wasn’t much of a set schedule per se, so it was completely possible that the two of you had missed each other like this, but it still took you by surprise.

It was nice that you could work more or less by yourself, since at your other job you were constantly dealing with customers and never had a shift alone unless it was a morning shift. Obviously working at the same place as Harry wasn’t going to be a big problem, it was just the way he acted towards you that bugged you.

                                                            ***

Weeks had gone since you first saw Harry at the studio. It had gotten a bit better; he wasn’t so much being cold with you as he was getting on your nerves. Instead of being passive and ignoring you, he had progressed to badgering you, clearly noticing it bothered you. That was at least, when he was talking to you.

He made sure to double check that the images you were exposing came through correctly, saying things like ‘just have to make sure everything’s good’, and ‘they all should be similar, don’t want any inconsistencies’.

It was irritating to say the least. He never really talked about you about anything outside of work, even though technically he was in your friend group, and that irritated you even more. Neither of you had actually seen each other outside of work, something that usually happened at Margot’s or Aleks’ house.

One of your coworkers, Shane, was shocked when he said Harry had mentioned that the two of you knew each other outside of work.

“Would think that he’s never known to talk to you a day in his life.” Shane had commented with a laugh.

Margot, and even Aleks, had heard all about it, only ever really assuring you that ‘he doesn’t hate you’ and ‘he’s never said a bad thing about you’.

That being said, at least he wasn’t avoiding you like the plague anymore.

“Are you just finishing up?”

Harry had come into the darkroom to gather up some photographs, stacking them in a neat pile before slipping them into an envelope. The two of you were the only one’s left for the evening, the shop closed to the public.

“Yeah, just cleaning up now.”

Just making out his nod in the amber light, he paused before speaking again. “D’you need a ride home?”

That took you by surprise. The two of you hadn’t closed up just the two of you before, but you would have never though he’d ben offering to give you a drive home.

“You don’t have to –”

“It’s no trouble,” he interrupted, reaching for the handle to leave the room.

“I – yeah thank you.”

Nodding at your confirmation, he stepped out of the dark room leaving you to finish up packing everything for the day.

You found Harry sitting in the back room, preoccupied by his phone as he waited for you. “Ready?” He stood suddenly, slipping his phone in his jeans pocket as you reached through your bag for some lip balm.

Following him through the front door, waiting as he locked up before leading you over to where he had parked down the street. Sliding into the passenger seat of his car, the first few minutes of your ride in silence expect for your directions to your place.

“You make other art outside of film. Right?” Harry suddenly spoke, drawing your attention to him as his eyes remained on the road.

“Yeah,” pausing for a second, “I mean, it is my major.”

That caused him to glance at you with a laugh. “I know. I’ve just never seen any of it is all.”

“Never asked.”

“Right,” he said quietly, before clearing his throat and giving you another glance. “Well consider this me asking.”

You bit back a smile. “Next time.”

Nodding with a breathy laugh, just as you recognized the beginning of your street outside. “Here’s fine,” you turned to him, not needing him to go all the way into the winding residential area.

“I can go right to your door,” he turned on his right turn single. “Through here?”

“Yeah,” you directed him through the neighbourhood until he pulled in on the side of the road.

Grabbing for your bag at your feet, digging in it until you reached your keys. “You going to Margot’s on Friday?” Harry pulled your attention back to him.

“Of course,” you smiled slightly, hand on the door as you readied to leave. He nodded, eyes remaining on you as you went to step out of the car. “Thanks for the ride, I’ll see you then?”

“See you then,” he confirmed with a perk in his lips, just as you turned around and shut the door behind you.

                                                            ***

“Don’t know what to wear,” Margot was muttering to herself as she surveyed the clothes she had just grabbed from her closet.

You had your own outfit crisis at home before coming over to Margot’s, coming over early for once. Aiden was still at work, and you had the day off so you and Margot had spent the afternoon together before everyone would be coming over later on in the night.

“I like that,” you hummed, pointing to the shirt she had just thrown aside.

“I guess,” she mumbled, looking at her outfit in her mirror. “Not really the vibe though, is it?”

Giggling at her words, you rolled over on her bed to fully face her. “And what is the vibe?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed, going back to her closet. “You’re wearing a dress.” Glancing down at your own red sundress at her words, you laughed. Summer was well on its way by now, and you were a sucker for a good sundress. “Plus,” Margot continued as she changed her shirt once again. “I’m mad at Aleks.”

“What’d he do?”

She sighed, sitting down next to you on her bed. “I’m not really mad at him; we got into a little fight and I just wanna look good and ignore him for a bit.”

Humourless laugh leaving her lips, she rose again and took another look at her outfit. “I like this, think I’m happy with it.”

Heading over to the kitchen, you guys took out the big bottle of margarita mix and tequila, deciding to have a nice cocktail outside as the sun set, before everyone else arrived.

“How’s work going?” Margot asked, once the margs were made and the two of you sat outside in the slowly cooling air.

“Work is the same,” you hummed licking salt from your lips. “Nothing really new.”

“What about the new place, with Harry? He said you were doing really good.”

Now that was a surprise to you.

“He did? The jobs good, but honestly working with Harry…” trailing off, you wanted to be delicate with your wording. “He’s still acting like a bit of a pain. Not as much as before but, I dunno…” trailing your finger over the salted rim of the glass, you thought it over. “Like I’ve said, he just doesn’t like me.”

“He likes you fine,” Margot hummed, small laugh in her voice

“Oh well,” muttering into your glass, “finish up your marg.”

Soon, both of you were a couple drinks in and more people had started arriving at Margot’s. The back door was open, spending most of your time outside before the sun fully set just to savour the last bits of the summer night.

You don’t know how much time has gone by, nor how many drinks you’d had, but soon you were slouched on the couch next to your friends, happy grin on your lips. That grin didn’t last long however, as your eyes scanned the room and landed on a familiar face.

“Fuck,” sliding even closer to Margot and Aiden. “That’s Nate.” Pointing with your head to where he stood by the hallway.

Margot lifted her head, not so subtly glancing to the direction you were motioning. “That’s him? He knows Aleks I think.”

“Oh,” you muttered, shooting the guy you didn’t want to see another glance. It wasn’t that things were bad with the two of you, but you had decided you didn’t want to ever see him again.

“I didn’t realize he was coming,” Margot shot you a sympathetic smile.

“It’s okay,” you nodded, cozying up with the two of them and deciding to keep him out of your mind. “Just won’t talk to him.”

You had managed to stick to that, never even interacting with him the majority of the night. It wasn’t until you had stepped out on the front porch for a breather and a smoke, that you suddenly found yourself along with Nate who had apparently followed you out.

Leaning your back against the wooden railing behind you, offering him a small smile and nothing else. “Didn’t know you would be here.” He was the first to speak.

“It’s my friends place,” you hummed, tapping out your cigarette.

“Missed you these past couple of weeks,” his words made you glance at him, only for a second.

“Nate,” you sighed, putting out your smoke. “I told you –”

He cut you off. “I know what you told me. Like I said, I just miss you. You here with anyone?”

“No,” you breathed out, not knowing why you couldn’t just lie to him.

“Why don’t you come home with me?” He bumped his knee with yours, as you still didn’t look over at him.

“Not in the mood,” you muttered, resting your head back against the beam behind you.

“I can get you in the mood,” he shuffled closer to you, as you tightened your arms around your chest.

“Fuck off Nate,” muttering as you finally glared up at him.

Calling your name, he didn’t stop in his pursuit. “Come on –”

“Think she told you to fuck off, mate.”

Both of you turned your heads to the voice coming from the door, seeing Harry standing in the frame, arms folded across his chest.

Christ. You didn’t have the energy to deal with Harry as well, even if in this moment he was helping you out.

As annoyed as you were over the testosterone swirling around you like leaves in the wind, Nate took a step away. He slid away from the two of you with a ‘whatever’ muttered underneath his breath.

Blowing out a sigh, you sank down to sit on the wooden step, extending your legs out in front of you. You could practically hear Harry hesitating behind you, before he finally made his way to you and tentatively sat down.

“Thanks,” your voice was quiet as you finally spoke, face forward as you kept your eyes focused on your sock covered feet that you knocked together.

“He’s a dick,” his voice was soft, in fact you think that was the softest you’d ever heard it.

“Yeah,” humourless laugh leaving your lips as you nodded. “He is.” You were annoyed with yourself of how you had let Nate ruin your evening.

Finally facing Harry, you found his eyes already on you. “Do you like margaritas?”

                                                            ***

You knew your way around Margot’s kitchen well, spending enough time at her place to call it your second home.

“Not going to blend them, hope that’s okay.” You shot Harry a glance as you grabbed an ice cube tray from the freezer. “Don’t wanna leave dishes.”

“’s no problem at all,” he spoke quietly, almost cautiously. You nodded, not measuring as you poured tequila in each cup.

“Lime?” Grabbing a knife from the drawer, cutting a lime into quarters.

“Please,” he nodded, watching as you squeezed the juice into the glasses. You brought one cup to your lips, taking a quick taste of your cocktail. Hearing a breathy chuckle from Harry as you added a splash more tequila, you handed him a cup.

“Cheers,” the corners of your lips perking up to a small smile as you clinked glasses with him. He returned the sentiment, each taking a big sip of your drinks.

“It’s good,” he smirked, tongue darting out to lick the liquor off his lips.

You hummed in agreement, taking another sip of the cocktail. Wordlessly moving past Harry, you opened the fridge next to him and searched around for the fruit you knew sat somewhere in the back.

Fingers gripping the cold ceramic bowl, you shut the door with your hip. “You want some?”

Handful of berries in your own hand, you tilted the bowl in Harry’s direction. He seemed to hesitate again, eyes flicking between your own and the bowl of raspberries pointed at him. “I – yeah, thank you.”

“I love raspberries,” you hummed, placing the bowl between the two of you on the counter before grabbing another handful.

Harry couldn’t help the small smile that pulled on his lips as he watched you enjoyed the red fruit. Just as he was trying to think up something, anything, to say to you, Margot and Aleks crashed through the kitchen.

“There you are!” Margot exclaimed, swinging one arm around you as she grabbed some raspberries herself. “Was looking for you, are you having fun?”

“Yes,” you smiled at your friend, taking another sip of your drink. “Just making some more cocktails.” Passing Margot your cup, offering a sip to which she refused.

Aleks had caught Harry in conversation, neither of them seeing as Margot wordlessly glanced between you and Harry, eyebrows furrowing at you quizzically, as if asking you what was going on. You simply shrugged, mouthing ‘I don’t know’ before you drank more of your margarita.

She nodded, your silent conversation coming to an end.

The four of you soon pulled out of the kitchen, joining the remaining party-goers in the living room. You had had 2 more margaritas, eventually settling into a corner of the couch as you were slowly letting yourself relax, even in the excited atmosphere.

The night progressed as it usually did, a few remaining as late hours of the night rolled in. Aleks had out on some movie he wanted to share with everyone, and at that point you knew if you stayed for any longer you would completely fall asleep.

Jumping up to grab your jacket, hovering on top of Margot from where she sat. “I’m heading out,” you mumbled, arms wrapping her in a hug. “I’ll see you soon! We’ll have that beach day.”

“You sure you don’t want to stay here?”

Shaking your head, you reached for your bag sitting on her floor. “I have work tomorrow pretty early, and I’m already going to be a bit hungover.”

The two of you headed to her front door as she walked you out, as you bid goodnight to the few remaining friends on your way. “You okay to walk home?”

“Yes, of course.” Waving off her concern, although grateful she always checked with you before you leave her house. You were a bit drunker than you’d like to be for the walk home, but it was a fairly short walk.

“Okay well text me when you get home,” she slurred, pulling you in for another hug once you reached the front door.

“Are you leaving?” Aleks, followed by Harry, appeared behind Margot as you broke apart.

Nodding as you bid him goodnight as well, voice being interrupted by your own yawn.

“I can walk with you.”

Harry’s voice pipped up from behind Aleks, head turning to him to see him slipping on his jacket. “I –” about to refuse, but realizing he properly had to walk home as well, “– yeah that’d be good.”

Soon you were both walking side by side in the empty street as it was well into the night, the cool air not too much of a bother after the drinks you’d had.

“Where’s Aiden?” Harry’s voice broke the silence after a good five minutes.

You couldn’t help but laugh. “He left the party a while ago, he usually goes over to his ex’s.” He only nodded, remaining silent for another short moment.

“You don’t have to walk all the way with me,” you suddenly spoke, turning to look at him. “If it’s out of your way.”

He turned to you, light smile on his face. “It’s no problem, really.”

“Where’s your place?”

“Couple blocks past yours. Like an extra fifteen minute walk or so.” Nodding at his words, about to ask how he knew how far away from your place he lived, before remembering he had given you a ride home a couple days ago.

“You don’t have to walk all the way if its easier –”

“It’s no problem at all!” He stressed with a light laugh, interrupting you as he knew what you were going to say. “Plus,” he smirked, “it’ll give me some piece of mind knowing you got home safe.”

Heat building in your cheeks at his words, suddenly unsure of what to say. Your relationship with him thus far had only been practically nonexistent. Choosing not to say anything, a silence fell over the pair of you once more.

“Never showed me any of your work,” Harry suddenly spoke up again.

“What?” Alcohol and exhaust clouding your brain, taking a second to understand what he was talking about.

“Last time, you mentioned you’d show me your work outside of film.”

Right. “Oh yeah,” words were a breath from your lips. “Well, next time. Promise.” You don’t know why you always felt a bit weird when someone asked you to show them what you did. It wasn’t like you shared some publicly, but when someone asked you personally it made you hesitate.

“I’ll hold you to that,” he nodded, as you realized you had made to the end of your street.

Harry still next to you, as you dug through your bag until you held you keys in your hand. Once again hesitating, unsure of why you felt so unsure. “Well,” you coughed, looking up at him. “Thank you.”

“Really no problem,” he hummed, and you realized you didn’t know how to say goodnight to him. Suddenly in your overthinking, you found yourself wrapping your arms around him to pull him in for a hug.

He seemed just as surprised by your action, though quickly softening up to you and wrapped an arm around your back. “Night,” he was warm against you, the feeling of being in his arms had found to be quite comforting in fact.

“Yeah,” he cleared his throat as you pulled away. “Night.”

                                                            ***

The following weekend, it was a miraculous day where nearly everyone had the day off. Everyone had met at the beach, enjoying a full day in the sun.

“You coming?” Margot’s voice pulled you out of your daydreams, turning over to where she stood above you.

“What?”

“We’re gonna try and play some volleyball. Key word is try.”

Giggling at her words, you shook your head. “No, I’m good for now. Honestly I might end up napping for a bit.”

“We’re just over there if you want to join!” You watched as she headed in the same direction she pointed, a bit down the beach where nets had been set up.

Once alone you reached for your back, immediately realizing you had forgotten to bring your book with you. Maybe a nap really was in the stars.

Already having applied enough sunscreen for the time being, you settled yourself on your back and placed your hat just over your eyes.

The quiet moment didn’t last long, however, as soon someone was standing over you, blocking the sun.

Reaching up to move the hat from your face, your eyes readjusting to the light to see Harry standing over you. “Can I join?”

“Up to you,” you hummed. You could just make out the faintest hints of a smirk at your passive answer. Hearing him readjust the beach towel next to you, as he claimed that spot.

Peeking an eye open, you saw as his head rested in his arms, tilting dangerously close to the exposed skin of your waist. He was resting on his front, facing you as his eyes peered up towards you. “Y’not playing volleyball?”

“Don’t feel like it,” muttering, you readjusted yourself slightly. “Why don’t you go play?”

“Don’t feel like it,” he mirrored.

You only hummed in response, moving your head to face the sky once again. Silence falling between the two of you as you tried to focus on the sound of the waves, and not on Harry laying next to you.

The silence didn’t last long however, as Harry shifted closer to you. “Why’re you ignoring me?”

You nearly snorted at his comment, propping yourself up on your elbow to gaze down at him. “I’m not ignoring you Harry. Just trying to relax.”

He let out a breath, turning his head to rest his cheek on his arm, facing you. You dropped your head back down on your towel, not without feeling his breath tickle your skin.

Your body betrayed you, just as you felt goosebumps rise on your skin.

Harry seemed to notice as well, and soon his breath wasn’t the only thing tickling you. Bringing a finger up to the skin of your tummy, he lightly traced his fingertip over the bumps rising over your abdomen.

Muscles tensing at his sudden touch, you moved your own hand down to your stomach and peeked an eye open to see him. His cheek remained on his forearm, hair falling around him on the towel.

“What are you…” you trailed off, honestly not being bothered by his touch. It was light, fingertips smoothing over your exposed skin.

“Jus’ relaxing, love.” The pet name slipped from between his lips, your body flushing even more at the way he said it so effortlessly.

“This okay?” he spoke again, quieter as you relaxed back onto the towel.

Humming in approval, you willed yourself to seem unbothered. His fingertips moved along your stomach, tracing mindless circles into the skin as his palm rested flat. It was nice, the light tickling and trailing on your skin, he was right to say it was relaxing.

You don’t know how long the two of your rested like that. Not many words were shared, both resting in a peaceful silence. You had slightly dozed off, never fully falling asleep as you were always aware of where Harry’s hand was on you.

At one point he wrapped his hand nearly completely around you, staying like that as he dozed off himself. You realized that he was basically cuddled around you, his head having shifted closer with his forehead resting on the skin over your ribs.

“Skin’s getting warm,” after a moment, you don’t really know how long, Harry’s voice pulled you out of your sleep. Sliding his arm off of you and lifted himself to rest on his elbows. “Y’should put on more sunscreen.”

Rising to a seated position, you crossed your legs as you glanced over at him. All you could do was nod dumbly at Harry’s comment, reaching out for your bag to grab the sunscreen that you had packed.

As you rubbed the sun block down your shins, you watched as Harry turned over to sit up as well and pulled out a couple containers that seemed to be filled with fruit.

“Brought snacks?”

“Just some fruits,” he shrugged, pushing his sunglasses off the bridge of his nose and onto the top of his head.

Just as you were repositioning the hat on your head, and digging through your mess of a tote back for your own sunglasses, you gasped as you felt something cold and wet on your thigh.

Glancing down, you saw a big slice of watermelon sitting on your leg.

“Heard you liked watermelon,” he shrugged again, and you looked at him just as he took and obscenely big bite of his own slice of fruit.

“Love fruits,” you murmured, as you picked the fruit up from where it sat on your leg. You were grateful to be wearing sunglasses now, as you couldn’t seem to take your eyes off of him as he ate his piece of watermelon.

“Y’got,” his voice broke the silence once again, pulling your attention back to him. Eyes wide as you watched his hand reach forward towards you, thumb swiping over your thigh. Collecting the watermelon juice that had trickled down your leg, sticking the digit past his lips.

“Sweet,” he hummed, lips perking into a smirk as he reached for another piece of fruit.

“You’re a pest,” shaking your head, with a giggle in your voice.

Watching as he reached across for his bag again, flashing you a mock pout. “Not very nice of you, love.” Turning away from you for a beat, facing you again with his 35mm.

“Stay still,” he murmured after bringing the camera to his eye, lens pointed towards you.

“Hey!” covering your face with the slice of watermelon in your hand, bringing your other hand down to readjust your bikini top that had slid down a bit.

“Stay still!’ He repeated, swatting his hand in your direction, fingertips brushing over your arm as he wordlessly told you to move it down.

Moving your arm, hovering the half-eaten slice of fruit next to your face, you complied to his request and stayed still while he took a picture of you.

Eyes lingering on you after he placed the camera aside with a smirk still playing at his lips with a gleam in his eyes. “What?” Giggling almost nervously as you shifted under his stare.

Sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, he paused before looking forward towards the water. “Nice day out, is all.”

He didn’t say anything more, leaning back on one arm as he finished off the rest of the fruit in hand. You watched him for another beat, eyes trialing from his face to the muscles that flexed under the skin of his arm.

Not immediately adverting your eyes you squinted a bit as you took in every detail of the tattoos covering his skin. You couldn’t help but wonder about them, so many for someone still reasonably young.

Just as you wondered if he had any particular reason for all of them, warm hands landed on your shoulder and a new body hovered over you.

“Hey,” a breathless Aiden reached over you to pluck a slice of watermelon from where they sat. “As it turns out, I do not like volleyball. Want to come to the water with me? I need a little cool off.”

Harry’s gaze met yours again for less than a second, before glancing up at where Aiden sat kneeling behind you. “I’m good, I can stay back and watch our stuff.”

Being pulled up to your feet, you left your hat and sunglasses in a pile on your towel before sauntering off with Aiden in the direction of where the water hit the land. Shooting another brief look behind you to see Harry’s eyes on you again. Sending a smile his way as you tugged up the thin straps of your bottoms that rested at your hips, just as Aiden pulled at your wrist as he skipped towards the water.

“Feels nice,” Aiden hummed, once both of you were ankle deep in the cold water. The sun was shinning hot today, only a barely there breeze present to cool you down. Aiden was right, soaking in the water doing wonders for your bodily temperature.

Taking the plunge, literally, as the two of you submerging yourselves under water as you played around. Once the water was leaving goosebumps on your skin you guys wandered around the shore, picking up odd rocks as if you were birds looking for something flashy.

“He’s always staring at you,” Aiden bumped his arm with yours, nodding his head towards where the group sat after abandoning the volleyball game.

“Who?”

“Harry,” mindlessly looking up from the rocks by your feet, squinting in the sun. “You guys seem much more amicable.”

“Yeah,” nodding as you thought over his words. “Working with him has been good lately. He’s like, kind of intense, but in a hot way y’know?”

Aiden laughed at your description. “I think he’s into you. Probably has been into you this entire time.”

Scoffing at his words, you glanced at your friend. “I don’t know about that.” Your words were a lie, having thought about the possibility a couple times but you didn’t want to overthink it.

“Don’t be dense.” Aiden laughed, suddenly bending over to pick up a rock and holding it in front you. “Here, this one reminds me of Margot.”

                                                            ***

No one was in the dark room when you got there, working alone as you worked though a roll for a customer. Moving your paper into the developer, you nearly forgot about them as pictures drying off caught your attention.

They were obviously Harry’s and not one of a client, as you recognized nearly everyone photographed. Your gaze moved over every image, quickly moving your own roll over to the stop bath, before looking back at Harry’s pictures.

There were a few from that day at the beach, times when you hadn’t even realized Harry had the camera pointed at anyone. You saw yourself in some of them, laughing away with Margot as the sun set behind the pair of you, distant shots of you and Aiden sticking out of the water.

They were beautifully candid, the evidence of Harry’s visual eye very clear in all the images.

The picture of you with the watermelon he had snapped was probably one of the best pictures someone had taken of you in years. You looked relaxed, small smile playing at your lips as you looked down at the lens, the sun glowing on half of your face.

Small gasp at the sound of the door opening behind you, spinning around to barely make out Harry’s frame. “Scared me,” you murmured, letting out a sigh as you moved back to your solvents and moved your paper to the fixing solvent.

“Didn’t realize anyone was here,” his voice carried through the room as he walked in, standing by where you just admiring his work.

“Thought I’d get a start on those,” you hummed, pointed to where you still had film to expose. “Those are really great,” you saw his head turn to you as you complimented his work he had just started gathering up. “Didn’t realize you’d been taking so many pictures.”

“Thanks,” just making out the shine in his eyes, he flipped through them before shuffling over to you. “Did you see this one?”

Squinting, you saw him holding up the image of you with the watermelon. “I did. Really like it.”

“It’s my favourite,” Harry nodded, glancing down at it.

You were happy to be standing in a literal dark room, as you felt a flush rise up your neck. It was a compliment to his photography skills really, but it was also a compliment to you. A silence overtook the room, and you suddenly felt so incredibly nervous for very little reason.

“Why did you hate me?”

What the hell was that. Blurting things out wasn’t really your style as you were fairly good at keeping a tight filter on the words that left your mouth, except maybe after a couple drinks. But in this moment, for some reason, you truly needed to know why Harry had seemed to resent you so much when you first met.

His head turned back to yours in a quick motion, nearly unable to see it in the dim amber light. His mouth opened, as if to speak, but no words came out.

“I mean –” you sighed, glancing away from him as embarrassment trickled through your skin. “You just seemed not very… fond of me.”

“I never hated you,” his words were laced with a sigh, shoulders dropping a bit as he turned his body to face yours. His face glowed the soft orange from the room that surrounded you. “You should move your papers out of the fix bath.”

“What?” You blinked as if broken out of a daze.

“The fix bath, it’s been a couple minutes.”

“Fuck,” muttering as you spun around, grabbing your abandoned tongs and moved the paper into the water for its wash. Watching your image float around for a second, prodding it gently with the tongs.

“I never hated you,” Harry repeated from next to you, making you turn to him once again as you dropped the tongs on the counter. “I was just – I guess I was intimidated? Not really the right word but,”

He trailed off, showing no sign of continuing as you couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your mouth. “Why?”

The beginnings of a smile grew on his lips at your lighter tone. “I guess… I don’t know. Saw you around campus a lot, I guess I froze up.”

“Froze up?” Questioning him again and not fully understanding his explanation.

“I mean,” he paused again, averting his gaze as he fiddled with a ring around his finger, “yeah something like that.”

You could only nod, still not fully understanding what he was trying to communicate.

“Plus,” he added, seemingly to recover form his uncertain composure with a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. “Like getting a rise out of you.”

“Clearly,” you laughed, matching his smile. “Seem to be pretty good at it, too.”

He didn’t say anything, letting your words hang around the two of you for a bit too long. He wasn’t avoiding your eyes anymore, and you were once again grateful for being in a dark room so he couldn’t see the warmth that spread over your skin.

“Well,” you finally spoke again, voice suddenly quiet. “I have more film to get to.”

“Right,” Harry nodded as he stepped away from you, grabbing his images he had left on the counter. “I should go. I’ll see you soon.”

Watching as he gathered everything he had come for, bidding his goodbye to you and reaching for the doorknob.

“See you, Harry.”

                                                            ***

“Did you do a test strip for these?”

“Yeah,” you called over your shoulder, moving your images into their third and final solvent.

“And they turned out well?” His voice grew louder, causing you to spin around to face him. “Because the setting on the enlarger is really not what it should be.”

“Harry –”

“They’re not gonna come out, you’re going to have to redo them. How many have you done like this now?” Even under the barely there light you could make out the hard expression on his face.

“I know what I’m doing. I did a bunch of trials with my own film and paper that are ready right over there.”

Letting out an irritated breath as you turned around, gripping a corner of the photo that was currently floating in its bath.

“Look,” you held up the wet photo paper with the tongs. Harry took a step closer, eyes narrowing on the image you held up. “They’re exactly what they should be.”

He was silent for a bit, you could hear his agitated exhales puff out next you. Leaning in to the image, you heard a small ‘fuck’ leave his lips.

“Don’t let this go to your head,” he muttered eyes flicking between yours and the image.

“Already has. Harry we’ve been through this. You need to trust me, I know what I’m doing.” Narrowing your eyes at him slightly, as is if challenging him.

“You can’t just go around changing everything, there’s a process.”

“Yeah and I followed it. And they turned out really well, so don’t give me shit.”

He took a pause, eyeing you down. Pushing hair off his forehead, he placed his hand on the counter next to you. “You’re unbelievable.”

You didn’t know if he meant it in a good way or bad way.

His eyes on you were as intent as ever, burning right through your own; his face an unreadable as ever.

“Fuckin’ unbelievable.”

Lips pressed to yours in a fast kiss. Both the shock of the action and his body knocking yours as his hand came to cup your face caused you to step back, hitting the edge of the counter.

As quickly as it happened it was over, your eyes remaining wide open on him. His gaze was dropped down to the small space between the two of you, breath leaving his lips in small puffs.

“I – fuck – that’s not how I wanted that to happen,” his eyes lifted to yours, hand still holding the side of your face as his thumb stroked your cheek.

The feeling of his lips lingered on yours. “I couldn’t help myself,” his voice dropped, eyes glazing over your lips again.

Tongue quickly licking your lips, tentatively you lifted your own hands up, trailing your fingertips lightly over the fabric of his shirt, gripping the neckline. “You wanted to kiss me?”

His shoulders dropped slightly, smile pulled at his lips, as he visibly swallowed before speaking. “I – always.”

His words sent a rush through your body, wanting to feel him on you again. “Want to again?”

Harry didn’t waste a second, hand sliding to the back of your head. His other hand lifted to the small of your back, pushing your body closer to his. His kiss was a bit more tentative, pulling you gently against him.

Growing in confidence as you tugged on the fabric of his shirt, his mouth sliding open over yours and he pulled you in for more. Lips slotting open on yours as he pulled you in for more, and more.

A sigh being pulled from the back of your throat catches in his mouth as his fingers gripped tightly into the loose fabric of your dress. Your own hand wrapping around his shoulders, moving to pull at the hair that hung at the nape of his neck.

Greedily licking into your mouth as if he would die without the taste of you. Back arching as you pushed yourself against him, hips knocking with his.

Lips parting away with a ‘Christ’ grunted from Harry, uneven breaths swirling together. Dark eyes burning into your own, you felt a hand drop from your hip down your thigh, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your dress.

His lips met the skin of your jaw, hand on the back of your head tugging at your hair to tilt your head back, exposing your neck to him. His lips dipped down, a trail of wet kisses along your skin, teeth nipping at the skin that elicited a pitched gasp to leave your parted lips.

His body kept yours pinned against the counter, fingertips tickling the bare skin on your thigh as your own weaved through his hair. Your name tumbling from his lips as you pushed your hips against his. “What’re you doing to me, love.”

Fingertips easing down his shirt covered chest, pushing at him the slightest bit until his lips broke away from your skin. “We should,” your voice was so nearly breathless, “finish up here.”

Hand moving from his shoulder as you weakly motioned to the room around you, remembering you were both technically on the clock. “Yeah,” Harry blew out a sigh, his forehead resting on your shoulder momentarily. “We should.”

Taking a small step away from you as his eyes landed on your, hands moving to brush over your bare arms until his fingertips fiddled with yours. “You’re done working for the day, right?”

“I could be.”

Lips kinked into a smirk.  “Do you,” Harry paused, interlocking your fingers as his hands continued to fidget with your own. “Come home with me? Promise just for dinner, a drink, whatever you want.”

Biting back a smile, you thought over his words.  “Plus,” he added. “Got a killer view of the sunset.”

You couldn’t help the grin that broke out on your face. “Won me over.”

The two of you finished off cleaning up the room quickly, properly emptying out baths of solvent, putting away all photopaper and making sure everything was turned off.

The front of the shop had already been seen to, only needing to punch in the code and lock the door before you were walking over to where Harry had parked down the street.

His arm had bumped yours as you left the shop, just before his fingers brushed over your hand to grab hold of it.

Once seated in the passenger seat of his car, he passed you his phone letting you have free reign over the music. The drive was quick, you were soon walking up steps in an apartment building you had passed countless times.

“Do you have a roommate?” Realizing he had never seemed to mention anything about his living situation.

“No,” Harry unlocked his door as you followed close behind. “Kind of lucky I guess, I was able to find this place.”

Nodding, very familiar with the joys of having the house to yourself. Following Harry as he kicked off his shoes, walking through his studio. You loved seeing inside people’s places, how they arranged their things, what they had lying around. It was also nice to see that the place had actually feel to it, seeming like he didn’t just have a mattress on the floor.

Standing in his kitchen, you watched as he placed his things on the counter by the door. Curiously glancing at the space around you, loving to snoop on the banality of the way other people lived.

“So, where’s this killer view?” Being on the fourth flour of the building, you didn’t doubt the view was nice, not having that luxury at your own place.

“Patience, darling.” He grinned at you from across the kitchen. “First, you want anything to drink? I’ve got water, tea…” he trailed off, brows furrowing as he seemed to have run out of things to offer you.

“Tea’s good,” you laughed, watching as he nodded and grabbed his kettle to fill with water. “Where’s your washroom?”

“Just around the corner,” he pointed, as you headed in that direction. Taking extra time to observe his things in the washroom, forever curious about how other people lived and taking it as a good sign seeing his washroom clean and fairly organized.

You were soon sitting on a on a little bench that he had out on a tiny balcony, tea in hand as you sat side by side. He was right, the sun was just setting and it lit up the sky with an orange glow.

As per Harry’s request, you had finally shown him some pictures of your art off your phone. You had blushed under his compliments, leaving your phone by your side as conversation died between the two of you and you both enjoyed the view. His arm wrapped around you, pulling you to rest against his chest.

It wasn’t long until Harry’s lips were on your skin once again. Starting with small kisses on you’re your shoulder, his head dipping down behind you. Innocent at first, you didn’t move in your position. Craning his head until his mouth met your neck, tongue darting out between parted lips.

You didn’t move until his teeth nipped the skin, eliciting a jolt from you in shock. Moving his head from the crook of your neck, hand coming up to your cheek, single finger pushing your head around to face him.

His mouth met yours, hesitant at first as he let you adjust yourself slightly so you wouldn’t have your neck twisted. His arm around you pulled you in closer, as your brought one leg up on the bench next to you so that you could press your chest against his.

Your own hands came up around his neck as your mouth opened with his, kissing him deeper and deeper while the sun set behind you. He held you tightly against him as if you’d slip away from him if he didn’t, as he selfishly pulled unrelenting kisses from you.

Moving his hand from your cheek to your waist, fingertips trailing over your dress until they were on your bare thigh, palm smoothing over your skin. Shivering at his touch, you shifted yourself even closer to him as you accepted the warmth coming off of him, as if he was replacing the setting sun.

Lips parting with a pant, heavy eyes darting from his swollen lips, his tousled hair to meet his own dazed gaze. Watching his eyes drop to the small space between you, to the fabric of the dress that he was fiddling with in one hand.

“Always wearing these little dresses,” he muttered, eyes narrowing on where the fabric rode up to expose more of your leg. His hand on your thigh pushing under the skirt, fingertips gripping tightly on your skin.

Lips nearing your ear, nipping at the spot under the lobe. “Always teasing me.”

Feeble whimper at his words, as he payed close attention to your neck, memorizing which spots made your gasp against him and retaining the subtle hint of your perfume to memory.

All while his hand smoothed over the outside of your thigh, pushing your dress up as he went over your hip. Fingers spreading over the extent of your hips, lightly pinching the skin of your ass. You felt them move over the band of your underwear, toying with the thin material.

“Let me,” he muttered against your skin, voice nearly incoherent. “Le’ me – can I? Please.”

“Yes,” the word was a whine, quick and rushed from your mouth. And his hand dipped down over your underwear and between your thighs. You jolt against him, fingers easily finding and pressing over your clothed clit.

“Fuck me, you’re wet.” His hand palmed over your center, pressing against you in a way that made you press your lips tightly together, head dipping down to the crook of his neck.

A single finger pushed your underwear aside, pushing through your folds. “Soaked through,” humming appreciatively, circling around your wetness.

A whimper against him had him wanting to hear more, other hand moving around your hips as you ground down over his hand.

Suddenly pulling his hand away, you lifted your head up to gaze up at him. Mouth gaping open as you wanted to whine, not a single sound coming out when you watched him slip his fingers past his lips, humming around them tasting you.

“Sweet,” he muttered, wet hand gripping your thigh once again as he trapped your lips in for a kiss. “Hop on my thigh,” he spoke into your mouth, posing it as a question but it was more of a demand.

“Wha’?”

He moved a hand to his own jean covered leg, patting it twice. “Wan’ you to get off on m’thigh.”

Blinking at his words, you found yourself nodding and readjusted with both legs now on the bench, a leg on either side of his thigh. You’d never gotten off this way before, especially not sitting outside on a balcony while the world quieted around you.

“Tha’s it, finally listening to me,” he hummed, hands reaching under your dress to grip your hips firmly. Your own hands wrapped around his neck, gripping onto his hair.

Pressing your heat onto his leg, grinding and rolling onto him. Gasping as you moved back and forth over him, fingers tight in his hair and chest every so often pressing into his. He kept encouraging you, watching every movement and motion you were making on top of him.

“Is it good?” He mumbled, lips sucking between his teeth as he kept his eyes narrowed on the way your hips moved on top of him.

“Yes,” you sighed, finding that sweet spot that sent sparks trough your legs. “’M gonna get your thigh all wet.”

“Good,” fingertips digging into your skin, “want you to.”

Lips stuck between your teeth as you tried to stay quiet, small whimpers building through your throat while he aided you on top of him. “Go a bit’ rougher love, that’s it.”

Grinding tightly on top of him, rough fabric pulling at you in ways you thought it couldn’t. He dipped back down to your neck, biting and sucking at the sensitive skin as he whispered hot words of encouragements.

Winding yourself up as you got off, shivering as he moaned your name into your skin and begged you to cum. Messily rolling your hips as he sucked hotly on a particular spot under your jaw, tension in your stomach building and building until you couldn’t keep your lips tight together anymore.

“Cum f’me, wan’ you to,” Harry grunted into the air when he pulled away from you, eyes focused on the way your eyes shut and teeth pulled at your lip.

“Look so pretty right now, with the sky glowing behind you – fuck, wish I had my camera.”

A string of nearly incomprehensible words urging you on, wanting nothing more than to see you come undone on top of him.

“Harry! Feels so good I’m –”

His mouth met yours as you chased your high, hot open mouth catching your whines in a messy kiss. “Go on,” he spurred, “gimme a good one.”

Tugging at his hair tightly as you found your orgasm, thighs squeezing his as your mouth dropped open. Shuddering against him as your limbs numbed at the intensity, pushing your chest on his with a sharp arch in your back.

You hang off him as your try to even your breathing, his lips finding the top of your head with a series of chaste kisses. “Did so good,” he praises.

Lifting your head after a moment, kissing a line from his cheek to his mouth. Shakily moving a leg to the wooden floor, lifting yourself off of Harry and onto your feet. “You got a bed?”

“Fuckin’ – follow me.” Harry scrambled up behind you, shutting the glass doors that led to the balcony to keep out the flying bugs and the cool night air. He led you through the studio, watching with heavy eyelids as you undid the small buttons that went from the top to the bottom on the front of your dress.

Kneeling on the mattress in front of him, you watched as he tugged his shirt over his head, standing at the foot of the bed in front of you. Immediately reaching a hand to his bare chest, fingertips lightly trancing over the tattoos on his skin until they reached the band of his jeans.

He visibly swallowed as you narrowed your eyes on your fingers, tugging his belt loose and reaching for the zipper.

“Darling,” his voice was clipped, watching your every move. Pulling his jeans past his hips along with his briefs, head tilting further down as your hand wrapped around his length.

He was hard, seemingly painfully so. Especially after your lips pressed to his skin with wandering hands, and especially after you got off on him with his name falling from your lips. Your grasp light, thumb moving over his tip to collect the drops of precum between your fingers, smoothing your palm around him. Inhaling sharply through his teeth, with a tight lipped ‘fuck’ being muttered under his breath.

“’s pretty,” you silently wondered how far back he’d reach in your mouth.

He leaned into your touch, teeth worrying over his bottom lip with a quick exhale. “I – I’m already worked up,” his voice was deep, pulling your attention to his face.

He slowly blinked, shaky breath as you let go of your grasp around his cock. His own hands came down sliding around your back, helping you out of your flimsy bralette. “Let’s get you out of this.”

Eyes falling over your newly exposed skin, as you shifted further back on the bed. He came down on top of you in a blink of an eye, tongue licking into your mouth deeply as you eased you down under him.

His hands were everywhere, cradling your head, massaging your breasts, digging into to your thigh. You accepted him on top of you, feeling his length laying heavy on your thigh as he rutted against you. Lips moving down, seemingly also wanting to lick and suck on every inch of your skin.

“How do you want to –” you didn’t finish your sentence, as Harry’s fingers tugged down your thin underwear, last piece of clothing tossed aside.

“Could have you any way love,” he quickly spoke, propping himself up on an arm to lift himself a bit. “Want you under me though. Want you close.”

Whining at his words, wordlessly begging him to hurry. He suddenly leaned over you, arm reaching aside as he dug through the drawer next to the bed. In a moment he was up on his knees, rolling a condom down his length, and the next he was back on top of you.

“Want you deep,” moaning into his mouth as you felt his cock rest heavy against your thigh, legs spreading as you hooked a leg around his waist.

Shifting his hips, he rubbed himself through your folds, collecting your wetness on his cock. Lips parting as he pushed himself in with a grunt, slowly easing his way in with a pressured stretch.

“Bleedin’ – y’feel amazing,” his voice was quick, eyes squeezed shut as you wrapped around him. “Good?”

“Yes,” you whined, pushing your hips up to meet his. “S’full.”

One hand wrapping under your knee to pull your leg up higher, lips pressed in quick kisses from the corner of your mouth down to your jaw. He slowly moved his hips, pushing deeply into you. Your own hands were tight around him, palms digging into the skin of his back.

He continued with languid thrusts, slow but tough. “S’ this good? You want more?”

“Please,” you whimpered, back arching and head pushing into the pillows as you ached for more. Your hands were wound in his hair, fingertips scratching into his scalp.

“Who would’ve thought,” a smirk lined his lips, though his voice was strained as he started a slow pace thrusting into you. “Suddenly listening to every word I say.”

“Fuck,” you couldn’t conjure up any kind of remark, as he finally pushed into you with force, one hand gripping tightly onto your hip, his fingertips sure to leave marks on your skin.

He was everywhere: his lips on your shoulder, hand flat around your hip, and he was deep.

Keeping a somewhat steady pace, lifting himself slightly over you when he dipped his head down and watched where the two of you connected. “S’pretty cunt,” he moaned, head hovering over yours before his lips slotted over yours in a sloppy kiss.

He pressed inside of you in every right way, the feeling of your second orgasm of the night already building. Tugging at his skin with one hand as you pushed yourself against him, other hand reaching to grip his hand that was currently massaging your chest.

Pulling his hand up, his pace faltered a bit as you pushed his thumb into your mouth. Lips enclosing around it, tongue licking and sucking on the digit. He watched you, eyes narrowed on your mouth.

Releasing it with a breath, his eyes flicked between his hand and your face. Understanding your intention, arm quickly snaking in the space between the two of you until his thumb was on your clit.

“Harry,” you shuddered under him, the sensation in the put of your stomach built. Clenching around him, his lips moved to your neck again with a grunt. “Love m’name on your lips.”

Shifting your hips again, widening your legs around him as you felt him even deeper. The overwhelming sensation of Harry filling all of your senses. “Can’t – please tell me your close, darling.”

“So close,” whimpering under him, “please.” You don’t know what you were begging for, you just needed something, anything.

Fingers gripping you tight as his thumb pressed onto your clit, thrusts getting sloppier but hitting just right inside of you. You had your own hands weaved around his neck, nails digging into his skin as you pushed you head back into the pillow.

“Harry,” you reached you peak, thighs squeezing him tight and chest pushing into his as your back arched. “Tha’s it,” he moaned your name against your skin, easing you through your orgasm. Grip on him tight as you bit your lip so hard you were sure it could bleed, you writhed under his grasp as the high died down.

“I can’t – so good,” his voice was nearly incomprehensible, lips muffled and words nonsensical. Clenching around him, he couldn’t hold back anymore after the way you came around him. He gripped you tightly with a couple final thrusts, calling your name and for god as he came into the condom.

“You’re unbelievable,” he muttered, remaining pressed on top of you as he tried to regain his breath. Your hand moving through his hair, pushing it off his forehead as he kissed you once more before lifting himself off of you.

You stayed still, already feeling a colder without his body heat over top of you. Rolling your head to face with him with a grin, he returned the smile before quickly rising to a seated position on the mattress.

Getting up and going to discard of the condom, he suddenly disappeared from your view completely. “Where –”

Before you could ask, he reappeared with his 35mm in hand, coming over to kneel above you. “Stay still,” he mumbled as you moved to prop yourself up on your elbow, taking a moment to process what he was doing. “’S just your face I promise.”

Nodding with a breathless laugh, pushing one hand over your hair knowing that you surely didn’t look your best.

“Told you to stay still,” he hummed, as you gazed up at him. Inched the lens closer to you, hearing the click of the film a second later as he took a picture.

“Bet I look completely fucked out.”

“You do look completely fucked out.” He laughed, placing his camera next to you as he moved back to sit on the bed.

“Almost done with this roll, want to get this developed as soon as possible.”

[ladydevoir]

Weiss coming out as trans to her team?

The halls of Beacon were quiet as Weiss walked through, though she was glad for the peace as her mind was swimming in thought. She was silently dreading returning to her dorms, knowing what was waiting for her. But, she had decided tonight was the night, and she would not cower away from what she had decided to do. Best to get it over with rather than continuing to let her dread grow. Soon a voice broke her train of thought. “Hey Weiss~!” She looked back as the owner of the voice caught up to her, a plastic bag in hand. “Hello Nora, It’s good to see you. I see your trip to Vale was productive.” Nora beamed back at her with her usual energy. “Good to see you too~ And heck yeah it was~ Me and Ren found that cute coffee shop you told us about, Jaune actually managed to not throw up on the ride there, though he was wasnt as lucky on the way back, and me and Pyrrha went shopping for our dresses for the dance~ Oh, and here’s the stuff you wanted~” Nora held up the back for Weiss who took it and looked through it, a set of razors and shaving cream along with some skin care for after. “Thank you very much Nora. Im afraid I was starting to run low, and our team won’t be free to travel to Vale for a few days. Please, what do I owe you?” As she began to sift through her bag for her purse, Nora held up her hand. “Nuh uh uh, you dont owe me anything. Girls like us gotta stick together after all, and you’d do the same for me~” Nora’s usual high energy voice had softened as she spoke, to which Weiss was grateful. Since coming to Beacon she had been nervous about the truth coming out about her, thankfully Nora had seen through her immediately and been a true pillar of support. Weiss had been surprised and rather relieved when Nora had revealed she was just like her, and in moments like this it was wonderful to have someone to talk to and help her without any worry about questions she was not particularly wanting to answer. As if sensing some unease, Nora gently squeezed her shoulder and nodded her head towards a small bench in the hall. As the two sat down, Nora spoke up. “Hey, you doing ok? You seem off.” Weiss sighed and nodded. “I am just...nervous. I promised myself that tonight would be the night I tell the rest of my team, the truth about me.” Nora watched Weiss’s expression, seeing the build up of worry on her face. “You know the others aren’t going to suddenly turn on you just because of this, right? I cant imagine this would be a big deal for Ruby or Yang, and I doubt Blake would mind really.” Weiss let out another sigh and leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes before responding. “I am fully aware that no one on my team will be upset or treat me any different.” “So...whats the problem then?” Weiss looked down, her eyes darting left and right to make sure there was no one else listening, before she spoke. “When Blake accidentally revealed that she was a Faunus, I….did not handle the news with grace. I accused her of having lied to us, keeping the truth hidden from us. And while I did apologise for it afterwards, I still cannot take back what I said. And that is why I am worried. I was so quick to accuse her of lying and hiding the truth and yet here I am, having done the very same thing since starting Beacon.” Her hands gripped one another as she looked down, shaking slightly. “My standing with Blake and the others is not exactly on stable terms, and I am afraid that revealing myself after all I said to Blake might cause more strife between us.” Nora listened quietly as she gave Weiss’s back a gentle rub. Thinking carefully before responding. “If you’re this worried, then why now? Why not wait?” Weiss took a deep breath and looked straight ahead, as if steeling herself for it. “Because I owe it to my team to be honest with them, especially after how I overreacted to Blake. I cannot allow myself to hide the truth any longer, even if…” She looked down at her hands, starting to tremble. Instantly Nora knelt down in front of her and gently cupped her face, speaking softly. “Hey hey, dont go working yourself

up over ifs and maybes. Sure, you said some things, but you said sorry, and they forgave you. Im sure they wont be bothered by this. And if things go south, hey you can always just join our team~! Though we’d need to work out how to include W to JNPR~” Weiss let out a sniffle and smiled, raising her head from Nora’s hands and slowly standing, Nora instantly hugging the girl, to which Weiss reciprocated. “Nora, thank you so much. You have been a wonderful friend to me and I cannot repay you enough.” Nora pulled back from the hug with a wide smile, her usual energy returning. “Hey come-on, thats what friends do, we look out for one another~” Weiss picked up the bag from the ground and nodded back, the two girls walking back to the dorms, idle chatter filling the time before they arrived, Nora giving a big thumbs up before entering her room, leaving Weiss with her hand on the handle, taking a deep breath before entering the room, barely having time to duck as a pillow came flying towards her, narrowly missing as she looked upon the scene. Ruby holding a pillow and swinging hazardly at Yang, who weaved out of the way and returned with her own swing, before the two registered Weiss and stopped. “Hey Weiss! You wanna join in~? Blake might join if its two on two~” Ruby chirped excitedly, her energy seemingly limitless. “Yeah come-on princess, I’ll be more than happy to whoop your butt as well as my little sis’s~” Yang said with a smirk on her face, before dodging a well timed throw from Ruby. Weiss sighed and picked up the pillow that had nearly hit her and closed the door, shaking her head. “Honestly it is a wonder how the two of you are considering becoming huntresses when you act like little children.” “Ah cmon Weiss-y, you gotta have a little fun now and then, whats the point of life if you stay ridged all the time~?” Weiss shook her head and made her way to her bed, placing the pillow onto it and sitting, restless as her worry was building up again. “Weiss? Are you..ok?” Weiss looked up startled at the last member of the team over on her bed, slowly closing her book and focusing her attention on her. “You seem….kinda tense.” Weiss took a breath to help calm her nerves as her other two teammates looked over, all showing a similar sign of concern. “Actually Blake, I need to talk to you. All of you, if that is ok?” Yang flopped down onto Blake’s bed and looked over at her, while Ruby sat down beside her, all eyes on her. “Whats wrong Weiss? Blake’s right, you’re looking real tense.” Weiss’s eyes focused on her hands as she fidgeted, trying to come up with the right words. She silently cursed herself, this should not be this hard. A hand coming to rest on her knee drew her from her thoughts as she looked over at her partner, a soft-yet warm smile on her face. “It’s ok Weiss, whatever’s wrong, you know we’re here for you, right?” Weiss felt herself relax slightly, thankful for her partner’s kind words. “Okay, I do not know how to properly say this, so please, be patient with me.” With a reaffirming nod from Ruby and an audible “Mhm” from Yang, she continued. “The truth is...I have not been entirely honest with the rest of you. And for that, I am sorry to all of you, but mostly, I am sorry to Blake.” Blake looked over, confused. “Weiss, what are you-” Weiss raised her hand to stop Blake, taking a breath. “I was not at all kind to you when you revealed the truth about yourself, despite the fact that in doing so, I was being extremely hypocritical myself. Ive been hiding a truth myself, and after all that has been said and done, I feel I owe it to all of you to be honest.” Weiss took a quick glance at her team, Yang’s expression was clear confusion, Ruby was still giving her the same calming smile, while Blake had become more focused on her. She took a deep breath and continued. “The truth is, I….was not born a girl.” Weiss waited for a response from the others, but when none came, she looked up at her three teammates. Yang looked somewhat shocked, Blake still had her focused look on her, though it was clear she hadnt

expected that. Ruby however, didnt seem shocked or surprised in the slightest. “So, like Nora?” Weiss nodded, and to her surprise found herself being wrapped in her partner’s embrace. “Aww Weiss, you dont have to be nervous, its not like we’d think of you any diferent, ya know?” Yang looked over, shaking off her shocked look and sitting forward. “Yeah, Rubes is right, you’re still our icy princess after all, right Blake?” Blake looked over at Weiss, her expression no longer one of shock, but of understanding. “You were worried I’d be mad at you, werent you?” Ruby and Yang looked to one another as Weiss nodded slightly. “I acted like you lying to us about yourself was such a big deal when I have been lying this entire time.” Weiss continued to hang her head. “Its ok Weiss, really. You already apologised more than enough times for me to know you mean it. And I get it, really. Growing up where you did, I know that kind of thinking isnt easy to get rid of.” Blake shifted herself and stood up. “But, you’re wrong about something.” Weiss looked up hesitantly as Blake stepped over to her, kneeling down in front of her. “You haven’t lied to any of us.” Weiss looked taken aback, not sure what to make of that. It was far from what she had expected Blake to say. “I...I am not sure I follow.” Blake smiled at her softly, resting her hands gently over Weiss’s. “You havent lied to us, because you arent pretending to be something you arent. You’re a girl Weiss, even if you weren’t born one. You haven’t hidden anything from us. From day one, you have been honest to us.” Yang soon walked over, sitting on the other side of Weiss. “Blake’s right, ya know? You’ve always been honest with us about who you are, and you didnt have to feel like you owed us to tell us.” She felt her eyes begin to well up, she knew they would accept her but she had fully expected Blake to be mad at her. To find not only was she not mad, but giving Weiss words of kindness and understanding as she had, it felt overwhelming. Said team was quick to embrace her as she felt a few tears flow, a small smile on her face. “T-thank you, all of you. I-I suppose I should not have been worrying so much over this.” Ruby gave her a gentle squeeze. “Well, worrying about things too much is something you’re best at.” “Hey!” They all laughed as they remained in their embrace, Weiss giving a gentle chuckle. Of course Nora has been right, she shouldn’t have been worried about hypothetical ifs and maybes, especially not with her team. A team that, day by day, Weiss would consider more and more her real family. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whooo boy, this, this was a tough one. Im proud of how her talk with Nora went at the beginning, I felt like I wrote that well, and yeah I HC Nora as trans. But writing her coming out to her team, I kept erasing and redoing parts because I really did not know how to do it right. This is one I feel like I should come back to when ive gotten some more experience writing.

[fangirlproblcms]

Hey im not the one who sent that ask but I'm portwell too (well kinda unbiased w a portwell lean) and I thought I'd give my own 2 cents in case you weren't aware of the new info from today :)

1. Lily isn't going to be at camp much (ORK is going to be a recurring star)

2. Have you considered that a portwell breakup won't have anything to do with ricky at all? And that there won't be a love triangle or Gina or EJ "choosing" anyone. I'm thinking that the way this season will go is that the writers will have Gina and EJ break up on their own terms (and in a healthy way), completely unrelated to either Ricky or Val or any other love interests- and that it will be about EJ going to college or them being at different stages of life or whatever. And simultaneously they'll have started rebuilding her friendship with Ricky who will be pining after her while all of this is happening, without doing anything to jeopardise her relationship with EJ. Then somehow her feelings will come back for him and well you can guess the rest. Although I do think that Val is going to play a role in making EJ see that maybe he should focus on his future (?). So I don't think there will be any love triangle choosing type of situation with Gina and Ej and Val/Ricky.

It’s not because i’m a portwell but i really don’t see a break up happening because these 2 characters had such a hard time opening up to someone and just to break up the next season? I don’t think so. I also don’t see EJ going anywhere he only applied to Duke and a Utah state college. He didn’t get into Duke and then refused it because he didn’t earn it but i also don’t see him going to a basic state college with the high gpa he has so i’m %100 sure he is taking a gap year to figure stuff out. Remember when he said his parents met at Duke and they’re a Duke family? He didn’t get into Duke but he gave the Duke family heirloom to Gina to keep it. That is a sign that this ship is in it for the long run. He didn’t go to Duke or didn’t meet Gina at Duke but gave her something from Duke so to me it is pretty clear that this ship is endgame. East High is the new Duke for EJ because that’s where his life changed and started too. This whole Duke situation for portwell was a metaphor to show what this relationship means to EJ.

Gina on the other hand, i don’t see her having any romantic feelings for Ricky anymore. If there was any chance she’d not let EJ in her heart. I want a scene where Gina and Ricky talk it out and Ricky apologizing and asking if they can still be friends because that’d be so cute i really liked their friendship. I was so bummed that it got ruined when platonic romance entered the room. I see Gina and Ricky being friends that are in good terms and that’s it. EJ is more than just a boyfriend or a crush to Gina. He’s literally the person who brought her back to East High from the other side of the country, showed up when she needed and yes Ashlyn gave her a home but the Caswells are gonna be in her life for a long time because both Ashlyn and Gina were sophomores so considering the fact that she’s probably gonna be staying with the Caswell family until she graduates EJ will always be around her. Ricky will graduate but Gina will still be living with the Caswells. EJ is definitely taking a gap year and still be dating Gina while Ricky will be a senior who’s also about to graduate so Ricky and Gina had 1 school year to get together if they had a chance but with her still dating EJ and him sticking around 1 more year would totally confirm that Ricky and Gina are not gonna happen and stay as just friends.

About Val... Val is not really a big issue for me since she’s just a guest character and i know Lily was too but her and Ricky are not gonna stay together so these guest characters are not in for the long run when it’s relationships. I think Val is gonna be romantically into EJ but i don’t think we’re gonna have another Lily so i don’t think she’s gonna try to steal him from Gina. I feel like Val is gonna be a nice person and will give up on EJ once she realizes he’s in love with Gina for real and Val is gonna be the one pointing that out to either Gina or EJ. I can see it happening with Gina as like EJ doing something for Gina that Val has never seen him doing for any other girl he dated and Val is gonna come to Gina and say something like “I have never seen him like this before with any girl. He really loves you.” or something close to that.

Ok this was the longest answer i’ve ever given but i hope you get what i’m saying and what my point is 🤣

[ronwae]

childhood au

so i'll try to reconstruct what Ralphies life as a kid was

a few facts from the game that we know:

* is younger than Nicky ( if Nicky is about 28/27 i imagine Ralph to be about 25/24 ) meaning that if Nicky immigrated w his relatives as a young child Ralph was probably already born in the US.( this could be the reason why in ch.1 he talks about being a real newyorker and makes fun of mc about it)

* Was abused (probably for the entirety of his childhood) by his alcoholic mother

* His father left him ( he says :" he went to get a pack pf smokes one day and never came back" this gives me the feeling that he would be at least 5/6+ years when that happened.

* Got into street fights and probably lost since once again he says " beat me up as bad as the boys" meaning that he was THE VICTIM HELLOO??

* there is also a small dialogue in ch.1 where it's mentioned that he always skipped school and probs stopped going there pretty early

* it's obvious that he lived in some gutter idk how to rephrase this

* was always close to nicky from the early childhood " we were the closest"

* one memory that Nicky narrates to us is making paper boats for Ralph and letting them sail on rainy days

* in spite of this we are told that Nicky never showed Ralph much affection, for example when Nicky is being sweet to mc he replies with "i've never seen him act like this"

* and in another line he says " i don't need nobody to stick their neck out for me" so yeah, he's been left alone and neglected for a while

Actual Childhood

i will compare Ralph with Nicky throughout this whole text and make a point about being very different.

1. His relationship with his mother

As long as Nicky had part of a more loving(normal) mom, Ralph clearly was less lucky. Literally being on his own with an alcoholic. Which resulted in him feeling unloved and running from home and getting into gang stuff. By always being belittled and beat by his parent, this usually results with the person later in life having big problems with aggression, this explaining why he likes being a criminal and jokes about others dying( this being a possibility to release all that anger from his childhood).

At the same time another prominent characteristic of his is the thing where he always does what he's told. We see this when he says that "Nicky taught him this and that" and also in that scene where he & Floyd sign documents. And there Ralph was right about not wanting to sign the deed to the speakeasy, but under Floyds pressure he literally breaks in less than a second. I explained this behaviour not by being simply " weak of spirit" or simply a loser, but the desire for approval, recognition and literally being patted on the shoulder for doing good. Since he's never been shown any kind of affection, he desperately tries to subconsciously earn it.

I think i should also add that by Freud( hate on me but this guy made a few good points) a mans relationship with his partner corelates with his relationship with his mother ( vice versa for women), so it makes sense why Nicky - with a loving mom found his soulmate, and Ralph didn't. ( i assume that he never had a long term relationship ). ( this is my personal theory)

2. His relationship with his dad

none🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥

3. His relationship with Nicky

now this one is just a continuation of point 1.

I've always felt some part of jealousy for Nicky. Maybe he got into crime because he always wanted to be like Nicky and even talked about living in Nicky's mansion after he takes his role. Im sure that he love's Nicky and feels bad for betraying him, but i understand why he'd do that. Maybe he tried to subconsciously prove to himself that he can make his own decisions but that turned out... well... bad.

But i imagine them both having a really good relationship, good un their own way.

And that point where they both mentioned that Nicky tried to prevent Ralph from joining the mafia, if i put myself in his shoes i would take that not as a way to keep me safe but a way to keep me from succeeding or always remaining in Nicky's shadow.

okay now for the actual actual childhood headcanons

* I feel like Ralph would be actually a pretty smart child. Besides being curious i feel that he'd say smart,correct and deep thoughts and not even realise that.

* He'd still have problems spelling and understanding basic math:/

* lived admiring rich people on the covers of magazines or in the movies

* was pretty much of a loner as a child and didn't have many friend except Nicky

* while Nicky was the lively, active and charismatic one, Ralphie would be the quiet kid until 12/13 yrs

* that meaning that he would usually be made fun of or beaten by older kids

* i don't think he'd fight back much, not with bare hands at least

* in general i think he'd despise actual fights, more of a gun/knife guy

* disliked Nicky's dog, or any four legged animal ( doesn't hate them but doesn't love either)

* birds on the other hand

* they always gave him hope and the desire to just be free and escape his home and everyone he knew. the same with sailing, loved the idea of just leaving alone into the open ocean

* irrational fear of death

* if there is a living creature that he loves more that birds it would be butterflies

* but no one knows that since he's embarrassed to admit it

* would create many problems as a child

* starting with the basic running from school up to setting someones hair on fire with a lighter

* mentioning the lighter, tried smoking at about 14 but nearly choked to death because of his asthma

* and because of asthma i think there would be multiple times where he almost died

* as a kid probably lived near a garage and spent most of his free time watching men repairing cars

* car obsession phase

* even started drawing them at some point and got pretty good at mechanical drawings

* dreamed of becoming a racer

* once told that to a girl he liked in like grade 4 and almost died of pride when she applauded him for his ambitions

* and his ambitions were always high

* the second he'd see or hear about something grand or fancy he'd add it to his mental list of wishes

* made friends with some local old guy who was very sarcastic and nihilistic and literally based his personality on that

* would have to get around life on his own and by that i mean that he sew his own clothes, made his own food, when he got lost -spent hours walking around new york until he found his street without asking anyone for directions

* at some point picked up smoking because even though at first it was death threatening

* at about 16/17 totally found himself in the "wiseguy" persona and at this point there wasn't a returning point

* had a couple of girlfriends but dated them for a month at best

YES I LIKE PSYCHOLOGY YES I WANT TO BECOME A PSYCHIATRIST AND I LOVE CHARACTER ANALYSIS

[seven-tenwrites]

update: sorry i’ve been mia again for a while, i’m currently working on smth Big and completely 1717% self indulgent and like,,,it’s almost 7k words so far and about half of it is already just,,,smut,,b y e