#there were super super super early versions of tris i wrote when i was much much younger where he like

[hayakawalove]

A Man In Love

A/N: I wrote a version of how Suguru shows his love as well, that one was called "Love". This one will be about Gojo! I can't get enough of poly satosugu. It's just the best to me.

Summary: Satoru Gojo wants to love and to be loved. It's a good thing he has you and Suguru.

TW: Fem reader, a couple of dirty jokes

W/C: 2,873

Golden rays pour in through the parted blinds, heating up a sliver of Satoru’s exposed tummy. He had been awake for the past hour, but he dreaded the idea of leaving the warmth of your shared bed. If he cracked his eyes open he could see his two lovers tangled together, limbs crossing over limbs. Your light snores filled the room, making Satoru’s lips split into a soft grin. He teased that you sounded like an old man when you slept, your snores could wake the whole neighborhood! 

He actually loved the sound though. It reminded him that you were here, right beside him. 

Satoru carefully pulls himself from the sheets, being attentive to not wake you or Suguru. Both of you had a late night, not that that was anything new. You two were night owls compared to Satoru. He much preferred to get an early start to his day while both of you could stay up all night if given the chance. He stretches his long arms above his head, his shirt riding up slightly. There was a list of things he wanted to get done before waking the two of you, so he better get started. 

He exits the bedroom and strides into the living room, noticing the remnants of your love strewn across the room. A blanket Suguru had gotten you tossed haphazardly across the couch, candy that Satoru had gotten Suguru lay on the coffee table, and pants you ordered Satoru sat folded on the bar. He was sure Suguru folded them, he was like that. 

Satoru pads around sleepily, getting dishes out of the way first. He moves around the kitchen doing a multitude of tasks, feeling energy begin to spread across his body. He was super excited for the day he had planned ahead of you three. No one would be caught up in work so it was perfect. He could hardly contain the excitement, images of your and Suguru’s happy faces filling his brain. Satoru briefly cleans the coffee maker and remembers how you refused to let him indulge in it. 

Coffee? Satoru, we don’t need you caffeinated, that would be a nightmare. 

He supposed you were right, not that he needed it today. 

After getting all tasks out of the way he crept back into the room and saw you and Suguru cuddled in together. You pressed yourself against his torso, his strong arm wrapped around you. 

“Come on sleepy heads.” Satoru tries to keep his voice soft. 

Suguru’s brows furrow, tugging you closer to his body. You turn your head and bury it into Suguru’s chest, trying to block out Satoru. 

“I know you guys are up.” Satoru murmurs and walks over to the edge of the bed, reaching out to grab your foot. 

You inhale sharply, yanking your foot up, tucking it against you. 

“Keep your cold grubby paws to yourself.” You mumble against Suguru. 

Satoru thinks he catches a glint of a smile on Suguru.

Had Suguru always been so ethereal? Of course he had. Satoru was just amazed by it every single time.  

“How mean!” Satoru sighs loudly, and flops onto the bed. 

He wriggles his way up in between you two, forcing himself in. 

“And on our anniversary too, no less.” 

Not even a second later you're scrambling away, reaching for your phone to check the date. Satoru looks up at Suguru and sees his lids open slightly, a peek of caramel gracing Satoru.  

Satoru looks micheviously at the other man, waiting for your reaction. 

“It’s not our anniversary!” You groan, falling back into bed. 

“Is too! Anniversary of our first date.” Satoru snides back, and wraps his arms around Suguru. 

Suguru breathes through his nose and closes his eyes again, a finger strumming against Satoru’s arm. He was used to his antics by now, and knew the one thing Satoru craved was a reaction. He refused to give in that easily. 

You murmur under your breath while wiping the tiredness from your eyes. Satoru soaks up the feeling of contentment seeping in the air. 

There was nowhere he’d rather be than right here in this bed with you. 

“Plus I have a day planned. So you need to get up and get ready to go, I’ll time you.”

“Satoru.” Suguru chides. 

You slide back down and reach a hand up across Satoru, patting around until you reach Suguru’s mouth. You keep it clamped over him while situating yourself. 

“Don’t talk to him, maybe he’ll leave us alone if we pretend we're asleep.” 

Satoru clicks his tongue and jostles you. 

“Come on! I promise it’ll be fun!” He rolls away from Suguru and crawls on top of you, pressing kisses against your neck. 

You try to shove him back unsuccessfully, wanting sweet sleep to over take you once more. Suguru slides out of the bed once he realizes Satoru won’t let up. He stretches and watches Satoru’s onslaught against you, sleepy gaze trained on you two. 

You eventually start to giggle underneath Satoru. 

His heart may burst if you laugh like that. 

You never could resist him. Suguru reaches out and grabs the back of Satoru’s shirt. 

“Come on, we might as well entertain him for a little bit.” 

It takes you both far too long to get ready, Satoru decides. He’s about to crawl out of his skin at your slow pace. You and Suguru move in sync getting ready for the day. Satoru can hardly keep his hands to himself, the peak of it showing through once he offered to help you shower. You slammed the door in his face, leaving him to pout. 

Once you finish showering, without his help, you exit the bathroom with hints of your soap filling the air. 

Satoru watches you, with his brain fogging up. 

Fuck, he loves you two. 

And he knows you both love him as well. Your love never failing to strike him. There was never a time in his life when he felt such love from other people. Admired, sure, but never love. 

There were many things about him that changed once you came into his life. For instance, Satoru had never been so selfish before, not until you. Now he found himself wanting more, all the time, unabashedly. Maybe that was something he liked about you two. You allowed him to want. He was never granted that privilege before. Then again there were many things he liked about you. 

Satoru knew for a fact that there were less stars in the sky than things he liked about you. 

He liked how Suguru’s hair hung in curtains around his broad shoulders. 

He liked how your eyebrows shot up everytime he spoke. 

He liked how Suguru had endless bouts of love. 

He liked how your fingers tugged his a little tighter when the world outside was silent and no one existed but you three. 

Warmth drips from his fingertips, if he had the option he would never let go of either of you.

Funny, that was. Satoru didn’t remember being filled with such warmth before you and Suguru. Had he just been an iceberg floating through life before you? 

Satoru looks up and catches your eyes, watching a small smile grace your lips. The sight sent his mind reeling. 

Did you know how deep his fingers were dug into you now that he had you? Did you know not even the gods would be able to keep him away from you two? 

He watches the way you and Suguru weave between each other, getting ready for the day. 

How mundane. 

He’s amazed at how you love him in the mundanity of life. 

So many people want him for things. And he gets it, he really does. He has a role to play. He enjoys helping. But he wants to be loved without being needed. 

Love me when I have nothing to offer. Love me despite it. 

Love me when I bring nothing to the table besides a gaping wound in my chest, my heart in my hands, trembling and tender for you. 

“Ready, handsome?” Suguru asks, a finger underneath Satoru’s chin, tilting his head up. 

Satoru blinks several times, snapping out of his amatory thoughts. 

“Huh?” He whispers. 

“You forgot already?” You say. 

Satoru clears his throat and stands up, taking you two in. 

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. 

“How could I forget!”

Satoru grabs onto you both, dragging you outside. 

“What’re we doing today?” You ask from the front seat in the car. 

Suguru’s always the designated driver, his hand resting against the wheel while his other strums against your thigh. 

Satoru shuffles in the back seat, peeking his face in between you two. 

“We’re going to the mall today! I’m gonna spoil you both, so buy whatever you want.” He grins. 

“We got ourselves a sugar daddy don’t we Suguru?” You turn your head, looking at Suguru.

“It appears so.” He says with a smile. 

His face was set in a serene look, the idea of spending the day with you both making his heart soar. 

“Aw, you wanna call me daddy?” Satoru teases, reaching his hand forward to pinch your cheeks. 

You swat him away while his laughter fills the car. 

“There’s no room back here!” He pouts and gives up, leaning back. 

His long legs try to spread out only to be blocked by the seats. 

“Poor baby. Maybe you can buy us a bigger car?” Your eyes flick up to meet his in the rear view mirror. 

“Careful darling, maybe I will.” 

His eyes wrinkle in amusement, a rush of heat spreading through your cheeks. You tear your eyes away and look out the window. 

“We could just strap you to the roof of the car and call it good.” You say, although your words have no mirth. 

“People would think I’m being kidnapped!” 

“Who would kidnap you?” Suguru teases, a hearty laugh falling past his lips. 

The mall comes into view shortly after, you and Satoru continuing to tease each other the whole time. He stands in between you both so he can hold both your hands, swinging them back and forth. Satoru decides it’s your turn first, dragging you to the nearest clothing store. 

Suguru and you take your time striding through the store while Satoru seems to make a beeline to the dresses. The idea of buying you something and seeing your smile from it made his heart strum in his ears. 

How grateful he felt to be able to spoil you. 

Once you and Suguru catch up to him, you idly flip through dresses, not finding anything particularly good. 

Suguru watches you point out several and nods, making idle comments. Satoru pulls a dress from the rack and holds it up, showing you. 

“You should get this! White, to show how pure you are.” 

He holds up a velvet white dress, his eyes bright. 

Suguru snickers beside you, pushing dresses aside to find something. 

“Good one Satoru.” 

Satoru clears his throat. Suguru had no idea the effect he had on him. Satoru loved the way his name tasted on Suguru’s lips. It always sounded a little more sweet when he was the one saying it.  

You're at a loss for words, eyes widening. You grab the dress away from Satoru. 

“You just want me to wear this cause it matches your hair!” You accuse. 

Satoru smiles and leans against the rack. You roll your eyes. 

“What about this one?” Suguru asks, pulling out a dark purple dress. 

It’s mid thigh length, with a cinched waist. It looked perfect. 

“Oh that looks so cute Suguru, how much is it?” You ask and reach for the tag. 

“Don’t worry about it!” Satoru interrupts, plucking the dress from Suguru’s hands. 

You bite your cheek and follow him to the check out line, watching as he hums to himself. Early on in your relationship you learned to never question his spending habits. Everytime you told him he didn’t have to spend money on you, he’d laugh and brush you off. 

“Will this be all sir?” The worker asks, scanning your dress. 

“Yeah!” Satoru responds happily, fishing out his credit card and passing it over. 

“That’ll be 5050.” 

“$50.50? That seems a bit expensive. Or is it? I guess I’m not sure.” You murmur to yourself. 

“My bad, I should have said it better. $5,050.” She exclaims.  

“Huh?!” You squeak out, lurching forward. 

Satoru slides behind you, throwing his arms over your shoulders to pull you back against his toned chest. 

“Hush now bunny, you’ll make a scene.” He cooes at you, waiting for the worker to insert his card. 

“As if you care about making scenes.” Suguru says incredulously. 

“Why didn’t you say anything Suguru? I'm sure you saw how expensive it was!” You fumble. 

Suguru turns his head and looks away, purposefully not making eye contact. 

He enjoyed spoiling you too, you know. 

Satoru hears you grumble to yourself while you look around the store, noticing details you hadn’t picked up on initially. There was a crystal chandelier, sleek floors, and expensive brand names plastered on the walls. You must’ve been too distracted if you were only noticing now. How cute. 

Satoru’s cotton lashes flutter down, taking your beauty in as you gaze around. 

He could stare at you all day if you let him. 

“Alright, next up Suguru!” Satoru cheers, grabbing the bag and heading towards the door. 

“He’s out of his mind, he must be.” 

Suguru links hands with you and pulls you out. 

“Yes he is.” Suguru agrees. 

You all debate over where to go for Suguru, but ultimately decide on a jewelry store. The two men lag behind, taking their time. 

Satoru watches you stroll through the store, noticing how you linger by the wedding rings. 

Soon, soon. 

He and Suguru had already known they would marry you a month into you joining their couple. They just wanted to wait a bit longer, not wanting to jump the gun. He notices how your eyes look curiously at the ornate jewelry, wondering what thoughts were going on in that pretty head of yours. 

You had nothing to fret over, he would buy you the perfect ring. And if you didn’t like it, he would buy you ten others. And if those didn’t suit your taste either, he would buy the whole damn store. Money wasn’t a concern when it came to you. It never was. 

“Hey Suguru, maybe we can get some new jewelry for your belly or your n-“ Satoru teases. 

Suguru shoves a hand up to cover his mouth, not allowing him to continue. 

“This isn’t that kind of store!” Suguru flusters. 

“It could be, maybe they have a special glass case for that.” 

You stop in front of the necklace section. 

“Satoru!” Suguru begins to lecture. 

“Excuse me, can we see this one?” You ask the attendant. 

He nods and slides the case open, pulling out a delicate silver chain. You turn around and motion for Suguru to come over. 

“Bend over.” You ask and grab the chain. 

Satoru snickers causing you to glare at him. Suguru bends over beside you in front of a mirror, lowering himself enough for you to reach around his neck. 

“What do you think?” You ask, making eye contact through the mirror. 

“It looks really nice.” Suguru says softly, slightly taken aback by how much he likes it. 

Satoru knew Suguru never really cared for jewelry before, but if you insisted on it, Satoru knew Suguru’s resolve would crumble. You had that effect. 

Did you know just how tight you held their chains? That one word from you would have them falling to their knees? 

Oftentimes Satoru wondered if you invented love. There was no other explanation. 

“We’ll take it!” Satoru says, talking to the worker. 

“I don’t even wanna know how much it is.” Suguru sighs out, watching Satoru happily pay for it. 

The drive home was much more calm, Satoru’s antsy energy from earlier seemingly contained now that he got it out of his system. 

Satoru sat behind Suguru on the bed, thumbing over the clasp on the necklace. 

“Why do they make these things so small?!” Satoru complains. 

You stand in front of them, admiring your new, expensive, dress. 

Satoru grumbles out loudly. 

“Scooch.” You murmur, sliding behind Suguru.

Satoru stubbornly allows you to take over, watching your fingers grasp on. 

Soft fingers graze over Suguru’s exposed neck, if Satoru looks closely enough he could see a thin trail of goosebumps break out over Suguru’s neck. 

He finds himself jealous at the gesture. 

Touch me too. 

“Needs the nimble fingers of femininity.” You tease. 

“What would you oafs do without me?” 

Don’t even say that, Satoru had no clue what he would do without you. 

The necklace easily latches on, a sight Satoru complains about. 

“Thank you for today Satoru.” You say, planting a light kiss on his lips. 

More, more, more. 

Satoru was like a man starved, craving your touch. 

“Of course.” Satoru’s face melts into pure joy. 

Suguru slides his hand around the back of Satoru’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss. 

“Thank you.” He breathes. 

Not even the gods could take you away.

[aurevell]

2022 Fic Year in Review

For the first time ever, I tracked my word count in a spreadsheet, which means I get to see the overall patterns in my writing now that the year is over. This includes fun with charts and graphs, as you can see below:

Total words written: 182,526

Worst writing month(s): February-April

I wrote literally 0 words from February 6 to June 1. Ongoing knee pain made 2022 a rough year. The chart above shows my fun little "wow fuck my knees actually" break for physical therapy woes.

Best writing month(s): June-July

Once I committed to AU-gust, I outlined in May and started churning out words in June and July. My June wordcount alone was 53,804, and I at some point wrote 7,522 words in a single day, a harrowing feat I have since blocked from memory.

Total fics published: 37

This includes The Striking Complication, a longfic I finished in early 2022. It also includes 30 fics (~2k-5k each) for AU-gust and several continuations for them, plus two fics for my long-haired Steter collection. In October, I wrote a Stetopher Week sickfic, a werecat Stiles AU and a Sterek horror fic I’ve been wanting to finish forever.

My longest work was The Third Sacrifice at just over 21,000 words. 

My shortest work was We’ll Have Words Tomorrow at 1,145 words.

My most popular work by kudos and hits was When It Counts, because I’m apparently not the only one who’s a sucker for tongue-tied!Peter Hale.

My favorite fics were:

When It Counts (Steter) - Surprise, surprise. Can’t overstate how hard I cackled while writing this.

It May Simply Lie in Wait (Sterek) - Haunted houses are my favorite, and I basically wrote this just for me.

a small span of quiet (Steter) - A super fun miscommunication fic, and I adore established Steter.

The Endgame (Steter) - My favorite of the AU-gust sci-fi fics. I wish I had sequel ideas, because I want to know what comes next.

The Third Sacrifice (Sterek) - Horror, my beloved. This was a very self-indulgent romp through some monster-infested woods.

Stuff I Want to Work on in 2023

My dreaded nogitsune fic. I posted it as a ficlet for AU-gust, but I want to do a full version even though it's fighting tooth and nail. Waiting to see if it'll cooperate or get buried in my fic graveyard.

A mob AU sequel, which I told myself at the start of 2022 I would definitely work on, and yet here we are.

A second (smaller) AU-gust??? I am really considering it. They say the mind forgets trauma, and I’ve already mostly forgotten the seven layers of hell this year’s event put me through. If I did the 2023 challenge, I'd probably tweak the rules for myself.

In Conclusion

Tried some new fandom events. Met some AMAZING tumblr mutuals, followers, and commenters who made me feel much more connected to the fandom. Wrote some fun stuff I never would have imagined without help and inspiration. 2022 was a fun year for writing, and I can't wait for what 2023 brings 🥳

[albatris]

Sorry in advance for the potentially dumb question, but: do you suffer from psychosis/schizophrenia? I’ve seen you reblog a lot of posts about it, of course, but i was curious. Also, if its not too personal, if you do, how much does it impact your writing/the weirdness glitchiness factor?

Not a dumb question at all, you’re all good!

So this is kinda…….. not something I’ve spoken about in a great amount of detail or specifics on this blog? And talking about it directly is actually kinda weird! I wasn’t expecting this to feel weird, but it totally does! So please excuse how long this answer took me hahahahaha

So I mean YEAH psychosis is a thing that I possess, this is a thing that resides inside my brain and occasionally outside of it………. I’m not schizophrenic, I’m more in the schizotypal realm of things, which is like….. I mean, that’s a label that best encompasses my experiences and so far it’s the only label that’s been vaguely and tentatively applied to me that’s ever really made me go “oh hey yeah that would actually explain a whole fucking lot” but like. Bits of it are still kinda wonky. Mental health is wonky, I think, generally speaking…………….

I was gonna talk a bit here about my specific experiences but, like, I really had no idea where to start with those and I don’t actually know how relevant it’d be to this question aside from being vaguely tangential in terms of psychosis………… so uhhhh I’m gonna jump ahead and talk WRITING which is WAY more in my comfort zone apparently

and oh my god this was so many words, I’m so sorry in advance, I have no idea if any of this is actually like………… super interesting? But I enjoyed the opportunity to talk about it so cheers for that! I think!

(and I’m sorry if you were expecting like………… a really short sharp sweet answer, I don’t really deal in shorts or sharps or sweets, I mostly deal in, uh………. rambling)

Rest of this post, under the cut, which I hope actually works on mobile, for the sake of your dashboards - 

So this message was an adventure for me into how the questions “How does it affect your writing?” and “How does it affect the glitchiness/horror factor?” are actually two entirely separate things. I mean, they’re two separate things because I’m assuming by “glitchiness factor” you’re thinking specifically of the stuff in my recent ATDAO posts about body horror and the unreality? In which case………… let me get to that in a moment

And since this post got super long, I’m going to start with my extremely short summed-up answer, and then elaborate on it………

In terms of how it affects my writing? In lots of direct ways!

In terms of how it affects the glitchiness and horror aspects? In some weird roundabout ways! It’s not where the horror stems from, but it’s where the response to the horror stems from and where a lot of my descriptive choices stem from! It’s not the horror, but it’s kind of the lens through which I explore the horror!

AND NOW HERE WE GO………… WORDS AHOY

So in terms of how it affects my writing, generally speaking

boring straightforward answer first:

It’s something that crops up in a super literal sense, just in that I’ve got a fair few characters who are psychotic to some degree or another, and it’s something that plays into how they relate to the world and their specific character voice and how they respond to the situations they find themselves in. 

somewhat irrelevant, it’s, uhhh….. something that I feel interacts with themes in a different sort of way, too. ‘Cause a lot of times there’s, like….. stories about people going on cool magical sci-fi quests, and there’s Stories About Psychotic People, and there’s not an awful lot of overlap between the two unless it’s in the context of “and the whole magical quest was a delusion all along!” which, ew

and for fucking REAL there is so much interesting ground to cover and opportunities for different perspectives and new avenues through which themes can be explored, like, in that overlap of stories. It’s something I wish I saw a lot more of in fiction! Which is another huge driving force in, like, why I write stuff the way I do

and now slightly more interesting:

Worldbuilding! It’s definitely something that plays into worldbuilding and like…. my love of creating stories that are kinda just……. “reality but a little bit to the left” if that makes sense? 

Whether this is something like Undertow, where there’s a degree of magic woven into the fabric of the universe, where things are connected by invisible threads, where I can give opinions to objects and feelings to the weather and the streetlights, where the earth itself has a voice? Or whether it’s something like ATDAO, where reality is coming undone at the seams and the fact that everything is just a little lopsided and haywire is a Mundane Part Of Everyday Life? That’s something I find super cathartic and quite lovely to play around in! I’ve always experienced the world as Just A Little Bit To The Left, and writing was one of the first avenues I found to kinda…. channel and explore and expand on that and put my feelings of strangeness into words?

It’s kinda, like, I like being able to share that kind of vision with others in some sort of way, and not necessarily in a frightening or horrible way, y’know? 

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT TO SAY that anything I write is, like, 100% a direct mirror or my own life and how I see the world lmao. A lot of my writing takes experiences and feelings and little facets of how I experience the world and works them into something that’s often more literal and concrete, or it’ll start out as My Thing and as I’m writing, it sorta blooms into something totally different. But bits of it are in there, sure, although they change shape a lot! And it’s definitely in there with a lot of the general overarching feelings and concepts! Yeah!

One other thing that kinda leads onto my next topic is, uh…… that a lot of how I interpret events and meanings in the world around me can be kind of frightening and threatening, and that’s not reeeaaaally something I want to delve into too much in my writing from a worldbuilding perspective? So generally the parts of ATDAO’s “reality but a little to the left” that start to twist into horror and unreality are things I’ve constructed specifically to serve that purpose, more so than things I’ve pulled directly from my experiences.

AND NOW IN TERMS OF GLITCHY HORROR STUFF HELL YEAH

so again I’m assuming by “glitchiness factor” that’d be all the unreality and all the body horror stuff and weird horror? Which, fuck yeah! Despite my squeamishness when it comes to horror, this is one odd little corner of ATDAO that I’m extremely fond of hahahaha

And, like, initially when I considered this question I was like…. oh, this is not something that really has any of its roots in psychosis or my experiences of mental illness. And that’s…… kiiiiiind of true? My construction of the unreality and its contents is a lot of me just me sitting at my laptop going “Hahahaha that makes me physically nauseous! That’s the worst thing I’ve ever come up with!! I’m adding it in immediately!!”

But yeah, it definitely does factor in, though! Maybe not in as interesting a way as you’d hoped? 

So first off, my experiences are something that sorta plays into my word choice and the specific way I use language in those scenes. And I’m also gonna go ahead and say that dissociation and specifically derealisation are also things I draw from pretty heavily for those kinda……. more glitchy horror-ish parts? So for me, my experiences factor more into HOW I describe the content more so than any of the horrid glitchy gory content itself. 

‘cause it’s kinda, like, a specific kind of fear, I think, it’s a little bit off-beat and weirdly-worded and disjointed and it hits your senses all wrong, it doesn’t make an awful lot of sense but it’s still extremely real. There’s a lot of weird or unsettling bullshit that goes on in the unreality that there’s no convenient Real World Descriptive Equivalent for. Like, cityscapes made entirely of soundwaves, the aforementioned body horror stuff in earlier posts, places that are a complete and total lack of Anything where there’s not even space or colour or texture or light, senses getting all tangled up into each other, something being simultaneously bigger than the sun and smaller than an ant, voices unravelling like twine? LOTS OF WEIRD, BASICALLY

There’s no nice neat right way to describe that, and if there was, it probably wouldn’t pack the punch it needs to, yeah? But I love that kinda shit, I get to pull from a bunch of really weird sensory experiences and feelings I have no real way to articulate and I get to use language in creative ways to evoke the same feelings, the same experiences, the same sense of fear and wrongness? I get to draw from weird shit to describe a bunch of weird shit that makes NO fucking sense whatsoever and that can’t realistically be tied up with words

Point is, they’re experiences I draw from in order to Get Real Fuckin Weird With Words

and getting weird with words in this specific way is CATHARTIC as FUCK dude it’s so good, it’s one of my favourite things. This is, like, the dark edgy version of what I talked about earlier in regards to worldbuilding and me painting a nice odd vision for people to share in hahahaha

“let me take you on a nice gentle stroll through my imagination” vs me supplexing you to the ground and beating the shit out of you with a bat 

And one other thing is just……. I’m sorry, I’m super tired, this bit is probably gonna be jumbled and wordy and maybe not super relevant but uhhhhhhh

So the unreality is not something I initially drew from any particular place in my psyche, but it IS something I’ve come to construct in a specific way, and a lot of it is something I build with the questions of like…… “How does a psychotic character respond to this input?” and “What does this scenery draw out in my character and how does it challenge them?” in mind, so I guess………… in that sense, there’s definitely still a fairly big impact? But kind of in a sideways way. The unreality is not so much based on psychosis, but it’s something I use to highlight specific elements of it, I guess, but mostly in terms of the skills it draws out

‘cause like. in ATDAO the only characters who kinda get to butt heads with the unreality aside from that one random dead car driver who may or may not be vaguely half alive in a state of horrific limbo are Jacob and Tris, and like

I don’t ever really frame Tris’s psychosis as some horrible terrible thing he’s burdened with that makes life a terrible living hell 24/7 but it is, like………. something he struggles a lot with over the course of the story, both in general terms and in terms of people not taking him seriously about the Extremely Real Fantastical Nonsense that’s going on and in general being hesitant to trust his perceptions of reality. And ALSO I guess in terms of just…….. the way he relates to the fact that he’s been dragged into some Extremely Real Fantastical Nonsense? And him wrestling with how he’s supposed to believe in something like that when no one else can see the evidence and everyone is telling him he’s just crazy, and how “ridiculous interdimensional dumbass sci-fi quest” is something that’s reserved for other people, because he’s already been there like four times already and it has extremely different implications for him

In terms of mental illness, all my protags have patches of the story where they make it through kinda “in spite” of their struggles with mental illness (though that’s a sentence I fuckin hate) and other patches where mental illness is just a thing they deal with alongside whatever plots they have going on…… but their experiences with mental illness are also something that gives them specific skills and perspectives and ways of understanding the world that are invaluable, and some of the most important parts of the story are the parts where they make it through specifically BECAUSE of those skills and perspectives

Which is kind of the Whole Thing With The Unreality, that’s its whole deal

The unreality is a fucking huge turning point for Tris as a character, because it’s specifically because of his experiences with psychosis that he’s able to navigate it so effectively, it’s because of the specific skills he’s developed and the practice he’s had in similar circumstances

not, like, the SAME circumstances, but things from other contexts that kind of, transfer, circumstances where the same skills are applicable

‘cause like, turns out, he’s really good at navigating confusing frightening hellscapes where nothing makes sense and mis-stepping can get you killed, because he’s had a whole lot of practice just like. existing as a person with psychosis in a weird apocalypse world where reality is collapsing in unpredictable ways. He spends a lot of his life trying to make sense of reality and figure out the rules and developing countless systems for navigating the world safely, which he often needs to adjust at a moment’s notice, or completely scrap and reconstruct. He’s had a lot of experience of just sorta waking up and whatever bullshit is going on he’s just gotta be like “ok cool so this is what we’re doing today, I have to deal with this, so how can I deal with this”. He’s used to grounding himself and problem-solving even under intense pressure and when he’s terrified and regardless of whatever objectively horrifying nonsense is happening around him. He’s used to sorting the horrifying things that are not dangerous from the horrifying things that are extremely dangerous.  

He’s basically the one character who can get tossed into the unreality and actually work with it and figure out the rules even though everything is screaming and glitched out and trying to kill him, he’s spent most of his life developing the perfect skill set for it

(and like, this is the first point in the story where he sorta realises that his specific way of viewing the world is going to be a strength rather than a weakness, but like. despite the fact that Tris is basically a walking panic attack he’s actually always been the one of the team who’s been the most adept at navigating daily life with the apocalypse, it’s just not something he’s ever really picked up on)

and uh

that’s kind of a vaguely irrelevant note to end on, actually

HEY THAT WAS SO MANY WORDS I’M SO FUCKING SORRY

I DON’T EVEN HAVE A NEAT WRAP UP TO THIS POST

MY WRAP UP WAS THAT SUMMARY AT THE START

IF YOU READ THIS FAR I HOPE IT WAS AT LEAST SOMEWHAT INTERESTING

[anemo-writes]

hello travelers! again, thank you for putting up with my inactivity, it’s been hard to write lately haha. anyways, i thought this would be something fun to post and for everyone to enjoy, whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day or not :) (note: this will probably be more fanon than canon so please bear with me, i’ll make it as canon as it can be :’) i also kept this pretty short, so hopefully that’s okay too,, and sorry for this being late haha—i wrote this very late at night so don’t mind any typos you find please)

much love,

~ anemo-chan <3

(The Playable) Genshin Impact Characters on Valentine’s Day (Romantically)

super romantic; gifts you a bouquet of flowers and takes you out to eat at a fancy restaurant/cooks for you.

Diluc

He is nervous. He’s never paid close attention to the countless amount of people who have lined outside the tavern to ask him to be their Valentine, only to be rejected. There was absolutely no way that he would turn to Kaeya for advice, so unfortunately this was something he would have to figure out for himself. He figures that it wouldn’t hurt to go traditional, so that’s what he does; he buys a large bouquet of roses (which he had to get from Donna, seeing that at the hours that he ended work were very late and Flora’s shop was not open at the time—yeah, that was not fun) and presents himself outside your doorway, to which he invites you to join him for a late dinner—which he makes!

Lisa

She leaves a letter on top of your nightstand, paired along with a singular rose. The letter states for you to meet her outside of Good Hunter, where you find her sitting at a table with a candle dimly-lighting up the surroundings. She greets you with a warm smile, gesturing for you to sit down—the two of you enjoy a candle-lit dinner as well as bolognese she specially requested for Sara to make for the two of you to enjoy together why does this remind me so much of Lady and the Tramp,,

Tartaglia

Oh boy. It’s always a fun time spending a holiday with him, seeing that it could go two ways; one, he would be too busy to celebrate it with you on the day of, and he would take you out the day after, or two—have a store’s entire line of merchandise presented to you outside your doorstep, in which a very, very smiley Tartaglia hidden within the pile (after all, he was the best present!) After you’re done moving all of the gifts into your house (it took up the space of your entire living room), he tells you to cover your eyes and follow him. He takes you to one of the most well-known restaurants in Liyue (which currently doesn’t have a name because it is very late here!), and insists that you order whatever you want, and however much you want.

Zhongli

Over the years, he’s witnessed many, many couples celebrate this holiday and every year he’s wished to do the same. He finds the perfect opportunity to do so when Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and boy does he plan it out for the two of you. He’s even made sure to have his wallet on him at all times—it would be extremely rude for you to have to pay if he happened to forget his wallet. He makes sure to stop by to pick up a bouquet of flowers, as well as a bottle of perfume (not in a bad way, just to clarify) from Ying’er’s shop that he recalled you liked. He makes sure to pick you up early from your work place to make sure you made it to your appointment on time; after all, being late to an appointment was similar to breaking a contract, no?

surprises you with homemade sweets.

Fischl

Oh, she is so nervous—of course, she doesn’t show this. The entire week, she spent researching recipes to create a special batch of chocolate-dipped strawberries just for you—she even sent Oz to the nearby farms to “borrow” the freshest strawberries for the treat (the farmers were too scared to confront the talking bird who “borrowed” their strawberries, so luckily they got away with it). She dips them in a purple-colored chocolate (because what other color would she use, really?) and drizzles on a dark-chocolate syrup to top it off. She’s too shy to actually give it to you herself though, so she has Oz drop it off for her.

Ganyu

Even though she’s quite busy, she’s somehow found time to whip up a special batch of chocolate just for you! She shapes them into Glaze Lilies (which she found quite hard, which is why there are so few of them) and presents them to you in a neatly-sealed box. She’s quite modest when your eyes widen and tell her it’s the best chocolate you have ever eaten, claiming that she only followed a recipe, when she really made it from scratch.

Keqing

Like Ganyu, you have no idea how she finds time to create a perfect array of chocolates, which she made herself! However, with her tightly-packed schedule, she has to drop it off at your house in advance, to which you accept happily. She tried to decorate them with designs of cartoon-versions of your faces, but they’re a bit...messy. Nonetheless, they’re tasty, and to her relief, you enjoy them.

Mona

Somehow, she’s managed to scrape up enough mora to buy you a necklace; yes, a necklace, and a real one at that—none of that fake, costume jewelry stuff! She even added a pendant shaped like star, just so you could be reminded of her whenever you fiddled with it or even glanced at it. She’s quite flustered when she gives it to you, ignoring the way you ask how she managed to save this much mora to be able to buy something like this, changing the subject on how you should never-ever take it off (because it looks great on you.)

Noelle

One word: pancakes. (Have you seen the ones she makes for her special dishes? They’re frigging amazing) As a dutiful maid should, she wakes up especially early to prepare a homemade breakfast just for you, to which she serves to you just as your wake up in bed. The fluffy stack of pancakes are decorated with fruits cut up in heart-shapes, as well the words, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Y/N”, written neatly with chocolate syrup—it’s quite a sight to see, to be honest, and utterly delicious. Lucky you!

Xiangling

The day before, she tells you to meet her at the restaurant around noon. When you arrive, the restaurant is adorned with Valentine decorations, as well as a terrifying amount of food; she insists that she only made it for you, so you better eat up! Before she can show you the other dishes, the restaurant is suddenly filled with a strong, bitter smell—something burning. With a yelp, she runs into the kitchen, coming out a few minutes later with a tray of half-scorched cupcakes, their Gouba-shapes adorned with...a lot of burn marks. Oh well, it’s the thought that counts, doesn’t it?

buys/makes a present for you.

Albedo

Without your knowledge, Albedo has been creating a collection of artworks throughout all the time you had spent together. The pieces include portraits of you, portraits of you and him (sucrose helped with this), as well as just random sketches of the little things that remind him of you, such as the bare, snowy-white terrain where the two of you first met, as well as its flora and fauna. If you request it, he’ll even make the painting come alive (literally), and the two of you run to Sucrose’s dwelling, who is very shocked to see the pair of you running from a Frosted Lawachurl when she peered out her window to see if she could pinpoint the sounds of distant screaming.

Amber

Is there anything better than a matching set of wind gliders? Not only that—they were homemade! She spent the last couple of weeks putting together a pair of gliders for the two of you, customizing them to your tastes (which she nailed!) She quite literally drags you to the nearest hill to test them out, and the two of you end up challenging each other on who can get back to the Knights of Farvonius Headquarters the fastest—spoiler alert: she did.

Barbara

Oh, she would make the cutest card for you—the envelope is decorated with cute stickers (some of them even had her face on it; there’s nothing like promoting merchandise, am i right? jkjks) She also pairs it off with a box of chocolates that she bought from Sara—however, what she didn’t know was that in the box was a special-edition spicy chocolate truffle. With your luck, that was the first one you chose—and boy, were you met a surprise (it was so bad that you were begging Barbara to use her Vision on you, which she refused of course). Fun times.

Chongyun

He’s real sweet. After his expeditions and commissions, he opens the freezer (yes he keeps them in there, don’t judge him) to an array of ice sculptures, shapes varying from flowers, hearts, and such—although it’s quite the simple gift, he’s put a lot of effort into them, even putting in the extra effort to cast a spell to make sure they would not melt; it’s all worth though, when he sees the absolutely giddy expression on your face, and the look of pure awe as you pick one up and study it closely, admiring all of the details and work that’s he put in.

Ningguang

She sends out informants to find out what you like, whether it be something that your gaze settled on for too long or something you’ve mentioned while talking to her—on the day of, you open your door to a mountain of gifts, with Ningguang herself peering out from behind it with a calm smile and a wave (which was the opposite of your reaction, because who has that much mora to purchase all of these gifts?!?)

Razor

He doesn’t have a clue on what the holiday until Lisa asks him if he’s planned something for the two of you during one of his lessons. When he shakes his head no, Lisa suggests that he make you something, to which he sets out on an adventure to do, looking for flowers and flower stems to weave into a pair of matching bracelets—they’re not the prettiest, but he is pretty proud of it; after all, it was his first time making something like that. He’s quite nervous to present it to you, afraid that you might not like it, but all feelings of worry melt away when you slide it on with a huge smile on your face, insisting that he wears his too.

Sucrose

At first, she considers gifting you a present that she created herself; of course, with her work being alchemy, she isn’t sure if that would be the safest option, despite being talented herself. And so, she resorts to buying a present for you—she is very picky with the present though, insisting that it should be perfect since she could not make one herself. She even consults Albedo when selecting some of the presents (he doesn’t help her unfortunately; he believes that she should figure it out herself haha). Like Razor, she’s quite nervous to give it to you, but lets out a huge sigh of relief as you thank her happily for the gift, wiping a bead of sweat from across her forehead (sucrose bby anything you give us would be perfect,,)

whisks you away somewhere sentimental, where the two of you can enjoy a special date.

Beidou

It’s ungodly early in the morning when Beidou presents herself in front of your doorstep, announcing that you’ll be joining her and the crew on a special ride. She tugs you along beside her until you reach the harbor, where you are met with the sight of her ship adorned with streamers and banners, varying between shades of pink and red. Onboard, there is a table filled with goodies the crew collected and made, and boy do they look delicious. The group sets out to sea, and you take your place next to the captain, who even lets you steer the boat (momentarily, at least.)

Bennett

He takes you to meet his dads; yes, yes—he knows that it’s not the most romantic thing to do on a day dedicated to lovers, but he figures it’s just as important. Besides, they’ve been asking about you for quite a while—they even set up a small party within the Adventurer’s Guild, with the help of Bennett, of course. You spend the day listening to their old adventuring stories, as well as bits from Bennett’s childhood (poor boy is flustered from all the information his dads are spilling, but he’s still happy either way; after all, he’s with the most important people to him.)

Kaeya

He quite literally kidnaps you; one second you’re walking in the streets of Mondstadt on your way to work when suddenly someone grabs you by the waist and pulls you into an alley way (that sounds so creepy but i swear he means it in a good way). He only chuckles and shields himself with his arms as you punch him lightly, retorting that he scared you. He doesn’t care that the two of you have an overwhelming amount of work to do—after all, Valentine’s Day only comes once a year, right? Surprisingly, he doesn’t take you the tavern, but instead...Dawn Winery! Diluc received quite the surprise when he is met with the two of you standing outside his gates, with Kaeya requesting a wine/grape juice taste-testing. Yeah...you guys didn’t get any of that, but you did manage to snag a couple of grapes on your way out! Good for you!

Venti

You wake up in your bed, opening your eyes to see a very-smiley Venti laying beside you, chin propped up against his hand as he watches you yawn sleepily as you force yourself out of bed. You’re then presented with a handpicked-bouquet of Ceceilias, the freshest of the bunch, if he may add. You barely have time to thank him before he hoists you up in his arms and out of your dwelling, gliding over the city of Mondstadt as he whisks you away to Starsnatch Cliff, where he’s prepared a special performance just for you (and no, you don’t need to pay.)

Xingqiu

While he’s not the most romantic, he does have a clue on what people look for on Valentine’s Day; after all, that’s what cheesy-romance novels were for, right? Unbeknownst to you, he takes you on a date very similar to the one the main characters in his favorite novels partook in—and you don’t find out until you catch him peeking into the pages while you weren’t (you were) looking. Again, it’s the thought that counts—

doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.

Jean

Sadly, she probably forgets about the holiday. She’s too busy holed-up in her office to notice the couples gathered up in the courtyard, sharing moments with their lover. It’s not until she walks out to take a breather that she notices the commotion—she immediately calls you over, apologizing frantically. Of course, to this you respond that’s it’s okay, but that you would much rather her take the rest of the day off to spend time together, to which she reluctantly agrees.

Xiao

“I do not have time to celebrate silly human traditions like that.” He would say as you bound up to him, exclaiming that it’s Valentine’s Day, the day where you can give sweets to your loved ones, and asking if he had someone special in mind to spend it with. He’s irked when your gaze falters and the grip on the object you’re hiding behind your back tightens—he only grows more irked as you mutter to yourself how you’ll give the chocolates you made to someone else. He scoffs loudly, avoiding your gaze as he lays out his hand in front of you to accept the chocolates (just because he doesn’t celebrate the holiday doesn’t mean he can’t get jealous!)

[hoe-doroki]

ana’s bnha x reader masterlist

first updated 11.17.20 last updated 07.13.21 desktop version found here bkdk masterlist: desktop | mobile

fics [38] drabbles [13]

Thanks for dropping by! I want to note that I no longer write x reader and instead am writing bakudeku shipfic. So! By all means, read, like, comment on my fics here! But I can't recommend that you follow me unless you like bakudeku. Hope you enjoy your time here regardless! <3

legend:

character x character

Title w/ link | [rating] | word count | genre

Synopsis

ratings are bracketed: e.g. [g], [t], [m], [e]

[g] - appropriate for general audiences [t] - appropriate for audiences 13+ [m] - contains non-graphic adult themes [e] - explicit, 18+ readers only

🌸 = personal faves

characters x reader: no ship (1), aizawa (2), bakugou (12), endeavor (1), iida (2), kaminari (1), kirishima (4), midoriya (7), shinsou (2), todoroki (19)

Everything is in alphabetical order <3

no ship

2020 Election Night Comfort | [g] | 0.6k | hurt/comfort

The results are in and your class is all with you as you process the results

aizawa x reader

Stress Relief | [e] | 3k | smut

There's a new regulation that forces you to take an extra class before you can graduate college. When you learn that Eraserhead is teaching the class, you’re a little more interested.

2020 Election Night Comfort | [g] | 0.6k | hurt/comfort 

Aizawa reminds that you were prepared for this and, together, you can handle it.

bakugou x reader

Can’t Find My Breath | [e] | 4.2k | smut 🌸

At the beginning of the day, Ground Zero was just another hero you wrote articles about. Now it’s nighttime and you’ve just left a bar together. Companion to The Rest with No Sound

Christmas Cold | [g] | 1k | fluff

You and Katsuki manage to make it to your parents' house for the holidays, but you've come down with a little cold.

Doing Something Right | [e] | 1.8k | smut

You’re pregnant and happily enjoying domestic bliss when Katsuki comes in, unable to resist you.

Frustration | [e] | 3.1k | smut

request. After a long day of work, Katsuki comes home frustrated and you, suffering from a different kind of frustration yourself, know exactly what will help you both.

Gorgeous | [e] | 1.5k | smut, hurt/comfort

ask. When you have a negative response to Katsuki touching you in a moment of insecurity, he intends to do whatever he can to alleviate your fears.

version 1: petite reader

version 2: curvy reader

Magic | [e] | 2.2k | smut

request. Katsuki comes home early and catches you...taking care of yourself.

Miniskirts | [e] | 0.8k | smut 🌸

After a long day, Katsuki takes a shower and his thoughts turn to you.

On the Job | [e] | 4.5k | smut 🌸

Super human society has a secret. Aphrodisiac quirks aren’t just of porn and fantasy--they’re common and too often fall into the wrong hands. When heroes get hit, someone has to be able to activate the quirk’s release condition. If they’re single, who might that someone be?

You.

The Rest with No Sound | [t] | 8.5k | slow burn, fluff 🌸

Bakugou thinks that people who wake up not remembering where they are are idiots. This is confirmed when it happens to him, head aching from a night of drinking. Idiot. But when he looks over, and sees you there, he realizes he doesn’t remember anything. So he has to gather the scattered pieces from the day before to figure out exactly how he ended up with you. Companion to Can’t Find My Breath

Stay | [g] | 2.2k | hurt/comfort 🌸

ask. The last thing you want to do on a rough day is worry Bakugou with your problems. So you try to hide it. You should have known better.

Steamy | [e] | 2.7k | smut

request. You're a pro hero, rising in the ranks and, happy though he is for you, Katsuki's old jealousy begins to roil. After you've been paraded around all evening as one of Japan's finest, Katsuki finds himself feeling more than a little possessive, and can't help himself from taking you as his.

Steel and Lace | [e] | 3.8k | smut

The only one who manages to get Bakugou’s birthday right is you.

endeavor x reader

When the Smoke Clears | [e] | 17.4k | slow burn, smut

Soulmate AU. After his battle with Hawks against Hood, Endeavor wakes up in the hospital to find that a young doctor saved his life, their quirk being able to counteract the negative effects of his own. His first thought is that he has to talk to you–you might be able to fix the drawbacks of his quirk. His second thought is oh no, not again.

iida x reader

Broken Glass | [g] | 1.8k | fluff, mild comfort

request. In a quirk-related accident you find yourself surrounded by shattered glass. Worst of all, most of that glass is from every single pair of your boyfriend’s glasses.

Flotsam, Jetsam, Lagan, and Derelict | [g] | 1.5k | hurt/comfort

ask. Trying to hide a panic attack from your boyfriend isn’t easy when he’s right next to you. But you’re determined to suffer alone.

kaminari x reader

2020 Election Night Comfort | [g] | 0.4k | hurt/comfort

You share your unsteady hope with Kaminari.

kirishima x reader

Silhouette | [e] | 1.8k | smut, hurt/comfort

ask.  Before a gala, you’re stuck in the mirror, caught on all your old body insecurities. Kiri comes in and loves you regardless.

version 1: petite reader

version 2: curvy reader

We’ll See | [g] | 6.3k | gen, light romance 🌸

demisexual!Reader. After a fateful meeting, you and Kirishima keep running into each other. And although he’s so nice, you fear the fact that he might be interested in you. Even though all you want is, for once, to let yourself be happy and maybe fall in love, you can’t seem to be able to.

What We Look For | [t] | 15.5 | slow burn

Last time, you and Kirishima became friends—nothing more, nothing less. The idea of being something more sounds nice. But you can’t. You just can’t. So you won’t. Whatever happens will be on your own terms. Sequel to We'll See

2020 Election Night Comfort | [g] | 0.4k | hurt/comfort

Kirishima freaks out while you experience a numb calm. You meet in the middle.

midoriya x reader

Bad Days | [g] | 1.4k | hurt/comfort

Izuku helps you get out of bed.

Sunlight | [e] | 2.1k | smut 🌸

request. An early afternoon in bed with your husband, Izuku.

Surprised, Just Once | [e] | 5k | smut

request. You were planning on just another predictable night out with the girls. What you got was much, much more.

2020 Election Night Comfort | [g] | 0.3k | hurt/comfort

Izuku holds you close while you watch the results.

Multiple unrelated oneshots with Deku with an s/o with an eating disorder | ask

Gratitude | [t] | 1.4k | hurt/comfort

After having been with Izuku a while, you’re suffering a relapse and he helps you through with some gratitude practices on date night.

Picnic | [t] | 1.8k | hurt/comfort

Izuku surprises you with a picnic on your second date, much to your horror.

A Start | [t] | 1.2k | hurt/comfort 🌸

You ask Izuku for help when you realize you need it.

Trust Yourself | [t] | 2.3k | hurt/comfort

Shortly after moving in together, Izuku learns of your struggles and tries his best to comfort and encourage you.

shinsou x reader

Passing the Night Stars | [g] | 3.2k | hurt/comfort

The party was neon and you needed darkness.

2020 Election Night Comfort | [g] | 0.4k | hurt/comfort

Shinsou helps you prioritize yourself.

todoroki x reader

All Dressed Up | [e] | 4.6k | smut 🌸

quarantine fic. It’s been months since you’ve dressed up, felt pretty, and felt seen by anyone. Your husband’s birthday is a perfect excuse to get all dressed up. And then take it right off.

All the Wasted Time | [e] | 3.2k | smut, fluff

Three months ago, you’d been ripped from Shouto’s side with something less than a love confession, something more than a show of feelings. Now that you’re back, you’re eager to make up for lost time. Siberia sequel, First Snow prequel

Bad Days | [g] | 0.9k | hurt/comfort 🌸

Shouto comforts you when your demons arrive unexpectedly.

First Snow | [g] | 2.2k | fluff

A year after the events in Siberia, you and Shouto are happily together, and it’s the first snow of the year. Siberia and All the Wasted Time sequel

On the Job | [e] | 3.4k | smut 🌸

Super human society has a secret. Aphrodisiac quirks aren’t just of porn and fantasy--they’re common and too often fall into the wrong hands. When heroes get hit, someone has to be able to activate the quirk’s release condition. If they’re single, who might that someone be?

You. Sequel to On the Job (Bakugou); can be read alone

Siberia | [e] | 13.8k | pining/angst, smut, fluff 🌸

On the field, you and Todoroki are rising stars amongst hero pairings. Off the field…you’re kind of in love with him. After a successful capture, you’re boss brings you in to let you know you’re being sent on assignment in foreign country…alone. Before you leave, you have to act. You’re not partners anymore, after all. And with a little liquid courage you do. Then, the next morning, you still have to leave. All the Wasted Time and First Snow prequel.

Worth it | [t] | 0.3k | gen

The morning after with your boyfriend, Shouto.

2021 Election Night Comfort | [g] | 0.5k | hurt/comfort

The stress of election day comes back swiftly during the Georgia runoff and Todoroki’s quick to notice.

all works below are within the world of the a spare heart series:

A series about a fem, American reader who had to transfer to U.A. partway through second year. You’re there to become a hero, that much is obvious, but why else did you come? And, more importantly, what—or who—makes you stay?

timeline

may, year two:

- reader finishes junior year of American high school early

- reader transfers to u.a. from the united states

The Meeting | [g] | 0.1k | gen

Reader meets Tokoyami for the first time. Sequel to first impressions from my wip list

Hollow Victory | [g] | 9.6k | gen, action

chapter 1 | chapter 2

You transferred to U.A. from America two weeks ago. No one has found out your quirk yet. Today, they’re going be meeting it head on and you have the advantage: surprise.

june, year two:

Illiterate | [g] | 2.1k | fluff, comfort

Being unable to read Japanese makes you feel so stupid. And who comes into the common room after midnight just as you’re about to cry? The boy who hasn’t spoken to you in three weeks.

sequels

The Offering | [g] | 0.4k | fluff, gen.

The Mission (Shouto POV) | [g] | 0.3k | fluff, gen., silly

september, year two:

Impetus | [g] | 2.1k | friendship

Ever since Shinsou found out what your quirk was, the two of you have been each other’s best friends and confidantes. But when he turns a casual training session into a tease over your supposed crush on someone in your class, that trust might just break.

january, year two:

This Clock Never Seemed So Alive | [g] | 1.2k | fluff, comfort

You and your boyfriend, Shouto, always walk to class together, but today you haven’t yet left your dorm. When he checks on you, he finds you awake, but curled on your side, suffering from period cramps.

sequels

The Questions (drabble) | [g] | 0.1k | gen.

The Sweetness (double drabble) | [g] | 0.2k | fluff, comfort

february, year three:

Between Fear and Guilt | [t] | 2.5k | light angst, comfort

You and Shouto only started being intimate a couple months back, but you’re already experiencing a dry spell. Today you’re going to figure out what’s up with your boyfriend once and for all.

fifteen years after graduation

Something Perfect | [e] | 3.7k | smut, fluff

After years of questioning if Shouto would ever want children, he’s finally decided that he really does. Overjoyed, the two of you decide to get started.

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

Okay I had to do some stuff, but here I am rambling about relationship between Killer and Nightmare in Colours of LOVE.

Some of this I might mention before some of it might be your and Jann or Yuri ideas... Anyway!! The way I see that:

Even though this is soulmate au Nightmare and Killer aren't perfect fit for eachother. They are perfect fit in threesome - Ccino softens rough edges of both of them, and changes their attention from being mad on eachother to carrying about Ccino together (especially at first when he is really depressed). But before that... It was hard.

Killer is really open about everything he thinks and feels. If he founds someone who is attractive he will flirt. Even when he is already dating Nightmare. And also he always shows his affection to Nightmare everywhere, in public too. That's cute and sweet, but Nightmare is really closed person so that makes him really uncomfortable. Night often got jealous with Killer flirting with anyone else, got embarrassed with his kisses and all on public, and in general is a bit annoyed with Killer's actions. Killer on the other hand doesn't really understand why Nightmare is so "tensed" (he is not, Night is just much more calm, but Killer don't get it).

They were braking up and coming back again a few times, because they had argued a lot about everything and got tired of this. Right now they are on their "best days" - they started to date again a few weeks ago and right now they are through some stuff, they understand eachother better, and pretty chill about eachother weird actions. Like in the second page Night is a bit flustered by Killer's kiss but he almost used to that. Same as he is worried about being late, since Killer is almost always late, but he is more or less fine by that. On next page (which you haven't seen yet), there are an interesting dialog between them, and I will definitely write some of "subtext" about it when I will post it.

Actually if they haven't met Ccino they would break up again after a few months. And maybe come back again after a week.

Also! Interesting thing about third soulmate: at the beginning of the comic (before Nigh met Ccino) Killer is 100% sure that they have third soulmate, but Nightmare is sure for about 60%. Killer is existed about that, he knew knew that he is polyamorious for a long time, but Nightmare hesitates a lot, because he can't really imagine himself in polyam relationship. It feels weird and also he is soooooo jealous about Killer paying any attention to anyone except him, that he worries to become "third wheel". Will it be different with Ccino?? Who knows (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

Hi kotikaleo!!! This was super fun to read.

Firstly I'm going to tag @zu-is-here since she started the studio verse

It's definitely an interesting insight to your comic and the characters!

It reminds me a lot of an early version of my own ideas about the studio verse nightkiller relationship! And I can definitely see the way we have bounced headcannons of each other paying off.

Them still dealing with a softer kind of lovehate dynamic is an interesting one. It doesn't seem to be as extreme as my version, but it's interesting that it's still there.

The fact that they are meant to work as a 3 makes sense as well. If they are supposed to be bounded as a 3 it makes sense that three they their relationship would be unstable. They don't work as a two, but they are soul mates and something would always pull the two of them together.

I'm also curious, since Nightmare isn't 100% sure that the lack of colour is due to them being soul mated to another person. I wonder if he ever felt like the universe got it wrong? And that he'd been mated to the wrong person? Or perhaps he felt it meant that him and Killer don't have soul mates and that's why they have some connections.

It sad boy.

Also if Killer knows he's poly by nature, is that something that causes disagreements with the 2 of them?

And now for mine and @jann-the-bean version.

This story has been something that we mostly developed in tumbler DMs but both me and Jan wrote a story about it. Jan wrote

KillerNight(s)

And I'm writing

Round and round till we all fall down

Nightmare and Killer's relationship started off baddddd, it basically started as a mutual dislike for one another. This is due to their conflicting personalities and morals.

Nightmare was originally quite excited to meet Killer, as he'd heard a lot about the actor. But almost straight away he found Killer to be rude, childish and irritating. Killer found Nightmare to be stuck up, snobbish and entitled.

The two first met at an awards ceremony and got into a yelling match after a few drinks and were separated. From there their dislike for one another was made quite well known to the public because of a social media battle back and forth.

This only went on for a few months however, as the characters of 'Killer' and 'Nightmare' were cast to play together.

Nightmare and Killer agreed to be civil in order to function while working and get the filming completed as soon as possible.

As they worked together, their dislike turned into a playful banter and respect for one another. And then something else shifted.

Now Killer has a reputation for being a player and one who likes to sleep around, as you said, he's open about his interest in people when he has it and enjoys casually flirting with just about anyone.

Which came to include Nightmare.

Nightmare paid no mind to it really, though he couldn't understand why it embarrassed him so much.

Killer comes to find Nightmare to be very attractive and enjoys his reactions when teased, he rights him off though because he was under the impression that Nightmare was straight, and he'd never try to change that.

It was a day when they were talking about Killer's eyes and how it's caused him to struggle, that Nightmare tells him that he thinks his eyes are very pretty and that they are an attractive quality, and something in Killer breaks and he kisses him.

So Killer feels like he messed up and the two avoid each other. But it causes Nightmare to start questioning things about himself.

Nightmare at this point had only every dated women. He assumed that he was straight. But after that kiss a lot of buried feelings are dragged to the surface and exposed, and he realises that he's also attracted to men.

So Jan goes into full details about this, in the fic Killernights, but basically Nightmare confronts Killer about the kiss and Killer tells him he 'has a thing for him'

The two go back to Killer's flat to talk, but their normal banter, leads to flirting and then another kiss. And Nightmare who is curious and suddenly craving new sensations becomes lost to him. Killer who finds Nightmare physically very attractive, also gets wrapped up and the two of them sleep together.

Nowwww this is getting long so I'll try to shorten it down a bit.

Basically, it's an amazing night. It's passionate, enjoyable and a lot of fun for both of them. Upon finding out Night has never been with a man, Killer guides him carefully though the process.

After that night the two can't stop thinking about each other, even though they both planned for it to be a one time thing. Again, they avoided each other until talking after a while.

And killer admits his desires for the other, and offers Nightmare a safe environment to experiment with his sexuality, where he won't be judged.

To cut a long story short, this spirals into a passionate and carnal, on and off booty call/fling with each other that spans for years.

Other that time they grow very close with each other, and come to recognise the similarities that they share, and have soft moments of just enjoying being together with one another.

For Killer, Nightmare is the first person to ever tell him he had beautiful eyes and mean it. The first person who wasn't at all put off by them.

To Nightmare, it feels like Killer is the one person that will never pick Dream over him. And he makes him feel wanted and desirable in a way few have before.

However, their are still parts of their relationship that conflict. Of course a healthy relationship will always have some conflicts. But for Killer and Nightmare the conflicts clash and fight with each other.

That along with both of their past traumas, (I wrote about Killer's back story here) means they find it difficult to talk about genuine feelings and what's bothering them. Causing things to bottle up and blow up over time.

They also find it impossible to admit that they actually love each other deeply.

They tried to be in a full on committed relationship once, (which I'm writing about in Round and Round) but it didn't work out for these issues. As well as the fact that Killer is poly by nature, and therefore gets anxious and uncomfortable in a relationship with one person only. Which he won't talk to Night about for the reasons stated above.

Enter Ccino.

Now Ccino is the missing piece for Nightmare and Killer.

He's soft and gentle spoken, which easily helps them calm down when things get heated between them. He also provides a safe and loving space to open up about what things are bothering them.

Nightmare and Killer's also, as you said, spend more energy caring for and sometimes worrying about Ccino, so they have less energy for the constant fighting.

Ccino was the missing piece. He's the person who will cuddle and read books with nightmare, but also the one who's super into affection, which Killer loveesss.

A relationship would never work between just killer and Ccino, since Ccino wouldn't be able to keep up with Killer's libido and killer doesn't know much about Ccino's mental health. And Ccino wouldn't work in a relationship with just Nightmare because Night's colder and more straight forward personality would leave him affection staved after a while.

They just work together! They are basically soul mates in this universe as well!

P. S Nightmare in this universe was also very veryyyyy jealous when Killer showed interest in Ccino. Which is something he took out on Ccino till Killer stopped it. After falling in love with Marshmallow he regrets this a lot.

I'M SO EXCITED FOR MORE. COLOURS OF LOVEEEEE

[success-and-corruption]

Gauze Album Review

Because some people want my thoughts on DEG albums I will be reviewing them so I figure I would start with their first full-length one. Please leave a comment on your thoughts on this album and my review.

Track 1: Gauze -mode of adam- (it's actually GARZE -mode of adam-)

This track is okay for what it is. It starts out very dark with circus music but then it becomes fast and hectic. Altogether I don't think it really sets the tone for the rest of the album.

Track 2: Schwein no Isu

Chair of the pig. This track definitely fits with Gauze in my opinion. I really like the opening guitar riff and the bass complements it very well. The German matches the track numbers on the back of the album which I appreciate. My boy Die wrote the music for this song so that's always a plus. I also always love some gang vocals. "Geist seele wille zelle, geist seele wille zelle"

Track 3: Yurameki

Now this song really cements the fact that Gauze is a VK album. Written by Shinya this one perfectly captures that early DEG sound. It's also nice to hear Kyo's clean vocals throughout the entire song. The instruments all work well together as well and I don't think there's much awkwardness with the transitions in this song. Yurameki is one of my favorite songs on the album.

Track 4: raison detre

First we had German and now we have French. Raison detre (or more properly Raison D'être which means reason to be) is a fun track and one I used to know how to play on the bass. The electronic beat and the sound of the guitars get me so pumped despite the... less than positive lyrics. A+ guitar solo.

Track 5: 304 -Goshitsu, Hakushi no Sakura

This song is good in that it's very different from the other tracks on the album. It's dark and Die plays acoustic in this one which is typically associated with a more calm style but this song is fast paced and the music video for it is beautiful visually but the way that the members portray mental illness is not really that accurate. Additionally I think that vocally this is one of Kyo's weakest work on the album.

Track 6: Cage

I actually do know how to play this on the bass and in fact it was one of the first songs I learned when I picked up the instrument. It's also I think one of the few songs that doesn't have the bass in standard tuning, instead it's in drop D. Cage starts out with a calming music box playing the melody of the chorus and then it quickly transitions to a faster tempo with a killer bassline with a bass solo throw into the mix. We all know it. We all love it. This song is very fun even though Kyo sings about a person being abused by their mother and in turn abuses their girlfriend. The transitions could have been a bit smoother in my opinion. It's still a great song to listen to and play on the bass.

Track 7: Tsumi to Batsu

I really don’t like this song very much. The guitars are boring and too repetitious and although I don’t expect anything different from Kyo lyrically (meaning I don't expect any happy lyrics) but these lyrics just don’t do it for me. It's an okay song for what it is but it's definitely one of my least favorite DEG songs in general. I much prefer the remake.

Track 8: Mazohyst of Decadence

This song is surpisingly one of my favorites on the album and another song I know on the bass (but really the bass is super simple in this one). As most people most likely know the lyrics are from the viewpoint of a fetus being aborted. I will not be getting into the abortion debate for obvious but everything in this song just works. The guitars in the beginning, the baby going from laughing to crying, Kyo’s vocals during the chorus. The ambiance and slow tempo really work to paint a very hopeless landscape and that tone setting is what I think DEG does best with their longer songs.

Track 9: Yokan

BOP ALERT. This song definitely deliberately placed after Mazohyst to cheer the listeners up. Yokan is a song in which the instrumentals don’t match the lyrics. The guitars, bass, and drums all paint a bubbly and energetic picture while Kyo sings about a guy no longer loving his girlfriend and mistreating her because he no longer loves her. The lyrics are a very stark contrast from the instrumental part of the song but that's DEG for you. Like Yurameki I think this song is a great way to showcase that VK sound. Didn’t the Yokan single get released like a week before Gauze? Weird. 

Track 10: Mask

“While its members have promised us peace, they have led us to war heedless of the platform upon which they were elected.” 

This was a snippet from Charles Lindbergh in his Des Moines speech in 1941 in which he blames the British, Jewish people, and the Roosevelt administration for leading the USA into WW II. BIG yikes. I think this song is about how people shouldn’t just follow orders for the sake of following orders which was the central theme of the Nuremberg Trials in which the Nazis were being tried as war criminals. Or maybe it's just about a corrupt government? Sorry for the history lesson but I felt that the context was important to understand the song. On to the musicality of the song: this song took awhile to grow on me because it seemed kind of messy and like I couldn't ever catch a break. It just keeps going... but eventually I learned to appreciate it for what it is. Again not really my favorite song but it's also not a song I think about very much.

Track 11: Zan

Kyo’s breathing and laughing set the stage for this song. The song itself is rather jarring and in my opinion a bit hard to listen to. I much prefer the remake but this is not a bad song. Not really much to say about this one other than it's definitely the heaviest track on the entire album.

Track 12: Akuro no Oka

What a song. I really love all of it and I also know how to play this on the bass minus the solo. This song feels like a story in music form and I love Kaoru’s hat in the music video for it. The wind sound Die's acoustic strumming opens the song and continues throughout the song as Kaoru, Toshiya, and Shinya play. When I listen to it I can feel the gloominess and sadness that this song portrays through the instruments and Kyo's vocals. This song was written in A minor I think so it makes sense that it would sound sad. Kaoru's guitar solo is melancholy and Toshiya's bass solo provokes some sort of emotioanl response from me. I think it’s a perfect way to end this album.

Track 13 (?): Gauze -mode of eve-

This is technically part of Akuro no Oka but it’s definitely different. Not much to say. It’s spooky and Kyo counts down in English. 

Bonus time!

Of course I have the limited edition

Bonus track 1: I’ll (single version)

I have this single as well and I like how it’s the same size as a Gamecube game disk. With that out of the way, I think this song really doesn’t fit with the overall mood of the album but the bassline sure is catchy. 

Bonus track 2: Jealous (single version)

This song fits the mood of the album more, but not quite. I also have this single. I haven’t listened to this song in a long time so I don’t really have much to say. Sorry. 

Overall this is a very promising first full-length album and a great introduction to early DEG and their past VK style. In general I enjoy their heavier stuff but this album is just a good time all around. I rate it 8/10 because some of the songs just don’t do it for me. 

That’s it! My first ever album review. I want to hear your thoughts because I’m sure many people will disagree with me. 

[arttheclown]

hi! i hope this isnt super weird but i kinda just got into watchmen and i saw ur tag on that post abt rorschach and i was wondering where moore confirmed hes gay? id love to see that for gay reasons & purposes

@ufonaut this isn’t weird at all! rorschach is a favourite character of mine so i’d love an excuse to talk about him! it was brought to my attention a while back by @catboyrorschach that alan moore confirmed he was gay. ruben made this discovery while looking at academic articles about watchmen and noting that several of them cited moore as saying this. but when we actually tried to find the source itself, we came up short. we believe it’s because he made these statements when interviewed back in 80s / early 90s, when watchmen was still new and there was a ton of hype surrounding it. we don’t know how easy such interviews would be to find now, but here’s something very important to keep in mind: whether or not alan moore has confirmed that rorschach is gay is irrelevant, because the way that he wrote rorschach speaks for itself.

to quote something ruben said on discord earlier: the topic of ror’s sexuality has been so widely analyzed and so thoroughly dissected over the years, it’s just common knowledge at this point that he’s gay. (though it’s totally understandable if a new fan doesn’t know that because as much as i hate to admit it, many cishet rorschach fans are desperate to cover it up or outright deny it lmao.)

that aside, the text of watchmen itself explicitly confirms ror’s sexuality over and over again - the handshake scene between rorschach and dan, rorschach’s behaviour around dan in general, rorschach stealing dan’s bottle of nostalgia and rubbing it all over his face. (nostalgia is important because according to a letter from veidt to his director of cosmetics & toiletries, they choose slightly androgynous women to appeal to the gay market. here’s the wiki page on it.) on a more grim note, when attacked by the police in the comics, rorschach has a bunch of homophobic slurs hurled at him; something that, interestingly enough, the movie version omitted. but the cops weren’t just calling him slurs to because they hate rorschach - they knew rorschach was gay, and were expressing their hatred of gay men.

another thing we need to keep in mind is that rorschach is (again, directly quoting ruben here) notably, characteristically and archetypally A Hypocrite. the mere fact that moore chose to have him comment on homosexuality in the context of passive condemnation, or disapproval, is a notable example of this. it was not chosen dialogue for no reason, and it wasn’t tossed in there to make rorschach look like an even bigger dick. if i’m not mistaken, they touch on rorschach’s sexuality in not just the original watchmen, but pretty much every spin-off comment that’s come out since.

if you’re curious about the analytic pieces on rorschach, his sexuality, and lgbt themes in watchmen in general, i strongly recommend the following:

thomas smith’s analysis on non-normative sexuality in watchmen

peace, love & comics’ character analysis

the comics cube’s observations about rorschach’s sexuality, among other things in watchmen

this breakdown on how rorschach doesn’t actually hate Women, but Female Sexuality

rorschach & watchmen through a queer lens, with summarized commentary by dr. katherine hubbard

for anyone else reading this who’s interested, here is a digital copy of watchmen to read safely and for free online, and here is a compilation of rorschach’s scenes from the motion comic.

i hope this helped clear things up! if you ever wanna talk more about him, i strongly recommend you hmu or going to ruben himself - no one understands that character like he does, and i say this as someone who’s liked watchmen for the last 6 years.

[mariecuttlefish]

New You (2k words, trans girl Marie)

Since it’s Marie’s day, here’s an old piece I wrote back in 2019! For all of the trans Marie fans out there. 💚

External links: [Google Docs], [AO3]

Warnings: None. Appropriate for all ages.

Description: Callie and Marie are preparing for their first performance together as the Squid Sisters, and Marie is nervous from more than just stage fright; it's also her first time coming out to the world as Marie.

-----

"I'm really nervous, Callie."

Marie stared at her reflection in the mirror and adjusted the little ring-shaped hat clipped to the side of her head for the dozenth time. Was her mantle too messy? She quickly ran a brush through to try and smooth the ink out again – it was almost lucky her tentacles were as short as they were, or else she probably would have wrung them dry by now with how anxious she was.

Her cousin stood beside her playing with an anemone doll that she'd brought along, somehow relaxed and upbeat in spite of all Marie's worrying. The two were getting ready for their first public performance together as singers, and Callie had spent the past half-hour helping her keep her cool as the big moment got closer and closer. Marie couldn't understand how she wasn't also losing her cool, but then, it had been Callie's idea to sign up for the Inkopolis Youth Folk-Singing Contest in the first place.

"You're gonna do great, Marie!" Callie insisted. "Look, Miss Zoantha says so, too!" She scooted her doll across the table in front of them and began cheering, in a voice that sounded nothing like the cartoon character she was imitating, "Go Marie! Marie is super cool! She's the best cousin on the whole planet!"

Marie couldn't help but crack a smile, both at her cousin's goofiness and at hearing the name she'd chosen for herself used so readily. "Zoantha doesn't even have a cousin," she said, fidgeting with the sleeve of her yukata. She looked back up at the face in the mirror – at the young girl in front of her with her eyebrows trimmed down, her mantle styled to be as feminine as such short tentacles would allow, her mask decorated with fake lashes just like her cousin's. "Um… hey, Cal?"

Callie stopped parading the doll around and looked up; she knew the sound of unshakeable worry in Marie's voice. "What's up, Marie?"

"What if they don't think I'm a girl?" Marie asked. Her eyes were turned downward, her hands clasped nervously in her lap. Even more than the thought of singing in front of hundreds of people, this was the part of the contest that made her the most anxious: it was her first time being a girl around anyone other than Callie.

"They will!" Callie nodded confidently. "And they'll think you're a super pretty girl, 'cause that's what you are! Promise!" She leaned in to give Marie an awkward chair hug, and Marie returned it hesitantly.

"Do you really think I look pretty?" Marie hadn't been able to stop fiddling with every part of her look since the moment they'd been brought backstage to wait for their performance. She knew that the way she looked would be cute on another girl, but every little issue she noticed and struggled to fix made it a bit harder to be confident that it would look good on her.

"Uh, duh," Callie said, not missing a beat. "We're matching! I'm pretty, and you look like me but green, so that means you're pretty but green! It's like the transitive property like my big brother told me about. I think."

Marie giggled and pulled away from the embrace to look herself over again. It was true, they could almost pass for alternate versions of each other; if Marie had been born with the same near-black ink that Callie had instead of her own silvery-white tentacles, it probably wouldn't have been hard to convince people they were twin sisters. That was even the name they'd chosen to perform under, the Squid Sisters – "That way people will know for sure that we're both girls!" had been Callie's pitch.

Marie took a deep breath, counted to ten, and exhaled. "Okay," she said at last. "I think… I can do it. I think."

"That's the spirit!" Callie nudged her shoulder. "Hold on, lemme go get Gramps!" With no hesitation, she ran off, weaving through the crowd of other children and their parents all getting ready to perform, then disappearing out the door across the room. Their grandfather lived in Inkopolis, and he had been the one to bring them to the contest when both of the girls' parents were too busy to make the two-hour trip into the city. Callie had insisted on him waiting outside while they got ready, though, so that Marie wouldn't be any more anxious than she already was about presenting as a girl.

While she waited on Callie to return, Marie decided to try hyping herself up as much as she could. She locked eyes with her reflection, leaned in over the vanity table as much as she could, and put on a confident glare. "You can do this, Marie. You've got this. Just like Callie said." She spent several minutes there, repeating quiet self-affirmations to herself, until Callie ran back into the room shortly after, slowed down by the elderly man she pulled by the hand behind her.

"Gramps, Gramps, look! We styled our tentacles all by ourselves and everything!" Callie announced proudly as she reached Marie's chair, running up beside her and bouncing excitedly in place. Marie turned away from the mirror and hopped down from the seat to stand beside her cousin, much more timid in her demeanor. "What do you think? Do we look super fresh?"

Gramps chuckled at his granddaughter's enthusiasm, taking a moment to adjust the old sailor's cap he wore now that he'd gotten a chance to slow down. "You look very fresh, both of you. But uh…" He turned his gaze toward Marie, and she felt her chest tighten as he examined her appearance. "What's with the makeup on you, kiddo? Did your cousin rope you into letting her give you a makeover again?"

"I, um..." Marie felt the confidence boost she'd had moments before slipping away, and her mouth went dry as she tried to find the words she wanted. How could she explain that she wasn't a grandson anymore, but a granddaughter just like Callie? And would their grandfather be okay with it? Would he let her go on-stage looking the way she knew she wanted to?

Callie noticed her hesitation and stepped in front of her defensively, puffing her chest up as if in defiance of their only chaperone. "Her name is Marie and she's a girl and I did her makeup because she wanted to look pretty, and if you don't like it then I'll beat you up!" she proclaimed – just a bit too loudly, as Marie noticed some of the others in the room turn their attention to them and felt herself shrinking emotionally just a tiny bit more with each second they stared. Her anxiety wasn't always the biggest fan of her cousin's natural boisterousness.

There was a moment where neither side said anything, and the onlookers quickly lost interest and went back to their own concerns. Gramps doffed his hat and scratched the back of his head as he processed the new information. "I see… Do your parents know about this?" He looked past Callie to give Marie a quizzical look, fishing around for something in the pocket of his denim shorts.

"Um… n-no," she answered quietly. "Are you going to tell them?" She watched his hand; was he reaching for his cell phone? It was the knowledge that her parents wouldn't be able to attend the show that had given Marie the confidence to present feminine for once – she felt a pang of dread that they might find out anyway before she'd even gotten to perform.

"Hmm?" Gramps cocked his head to the side. "'Course not, kiddo. If you haven't told 'em yet yerself, it's not my business to do it for ya." From his pocket he pulled a small, beat-up notebook and pencil, opening the notebook to a particular page and scribbling something out. "Just gotta update my Squidmas shopping list. It wouldn't make much sense to buy a bunch of boy's clothes for my newest granddaughter, would it?"

Marie's eyes widened slowly. Still huddled behind her cousin, she beamed up at her grandfather, all the anxiety of coming out to him (or, rather, having Callie come out for her) being washed away by elation. Here was the first person to learn she was a girl other than Callie, and he had accepted her as readily as he'd accept learning that she had a new favorite color. He evidently noticed, as he reached down to ruffle her tentacles before giving her a big hug. "As long as my granddaughters are both happy, that's all that matters to me," he assured her.

Callie joined in – she took any opportunity she could get to hug people – but after a moment another thought seemed to strike her. "Heyyy, wait a minute," she started, looking up at Gramps. "Gramps, are you buying us clothesfor Squidmas again?"

The old man laughed. "Maybe not, maybe so. I don't want to make Father Squidmas angry by spoiling it, now do I?" Callie just pouted and crossed her arms; she'd been asking constantly for a seapony, and Gramps was the one holdout in the family who still hadn't given a definitive no to that request.

Her protests were stopped early by a tall, energetic inkling woman stepping into the backstage area. She had a clipboard in one hand and was going down a list written on it. "Let's see, let's see… next up is the Squid Sisters, from Calamari County! Squid Sisters, are you here?"

Callie quickly turned and jumped up to get the woman's attention, waving her hands excitedly. "Over here! We're the Squid Sisters!" She stopped bouncing, glanced back at Gramps behind her, then added, "This old guy isn't a Squid Sister, he's just our gramps." A few others in the room laughed at the comment, Gramps included.

"Well, come on over, Squid Sisters. You're performing right after the current group." The woman extended a hand as Callie approached with Marie close behind, and they both shook it politely. "My name is Miss Eventide, but you can call me Miss Tide. I love your yukatas, by the way!"

"Thanks!" Callie grinned.

"Thank you," Marie added, more bashfully.

Miss Eventide went over what to do when it was their turn to perform – wait until their names were announced, take the stage, introduce themselves, and then the music would start – and then rushed off to go help manage some other part of the show. Before the girls could leave for the sidestage to get ready, Gramps walked over to join them once again.

"You two do your best out there, alright?" He patted them both on the back, gesturing out toward where the stage was with his bamboo cane. "I'm gonna be right there in the audience cheering you two on. I know you'll do great."

"Yeah! We're gonna do awesome!" Callie cheered. "Especially you, Marie!"

Marie smiled and lifted her head. Nervous as she still was, she was beginning to feel more confident in herself – both in her ability to go out there and sing for an audience, and in her ability to be seen as a girl while she did it. Tonight wouldn't just be her first night as a singer; it would be her first night as Marie, and she knew that no matter what happened, she had the support of her cousin and her grandfather to back her up.

"We're both going to be great," she agreed, nodding her head. Gramps smiled and turned to leave and join the audience outside.

"That's the way to be," he said. "Break a fin out there, you two. And remember – stay fresh!"

"Stay fresh!" Callie and Marie both cheered back at him, and then both giggled at the catchphrase they had come up with together.

The girls headed through the door and into the sidestage, both of them with their heads held high. As her cousin smiled beside her, Marie could feel in her heart that things were going to go well for her. This was the start of the Squid Sisters, the start of a happier life, the start of Marie. It was her very own fresh start, and no matter how their performance went, nothing was going to take it from her.

[kyndaris]

Zeptogram Squad

Back in 2007, a little known game came out on the Nintendo DS. After a friend told me about it (because they liked the art style), I tried it out. Only to lose interest after the first few minutes because of the timer. Fast forward several years and the game would come out on mobile devices, and then later on the Switch. Not wishing to waste the second chance I had been given, I bought the game and wrote up my thoughts of the title on this very blog.

Imagine my surprise then when a sequel was announced in early 2021. NEO: The World Ends With You was one of the few games I actually cared enough about to pre-order. Unfortunately, with the Delta strain entering Australia, my hopes of picking up a physical copy were dashed. Still, that didn’t stop me from sucking up the cost and getting the game via the Nintendo eStore and playing it soon after my first major love: The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles.

As soon as I started the game, I was struck by so many familiar elements to the original game. The art style screams Tetsuya Nomura for one. Two, the Reaper’s Game where Players are forced into a life-or-death situation and fight against the Noise. Shibuya as the setting is a close third. 

But that was where many of the similarities started to fall away. Rather than playing as Neku or Beat or any of the old cast members, the main character for NEO is Rindo Kanade, a fifteen year old with an ahoge and also seems to wear a mask as fashion. According to Nomura, it was a coincidence that one of the fashion accessory to differentiate his character became the norm in everyday society in 2020 and 2021.

With Rindo was best friend: Tosai Furesawa (also, commonly known as Fret). Unbeknownst to them, the two were drawn into the UG despite being alive and kicking through the activation of their powers through special Player Pins. Just as with Neku and the rest of the old cast before them, they are forced to partake in the Reaper’s Game lest they face erasure. Along the way, they pick up allies in the form of Minamimoto and Nagi, a college student fascinated with mobile game: Elegent Strategy.

As the first week progresses, they discover that they all have special abilities. Fret is able to ‘remind’ individuals about anything they’ve forgotten or specific topics of interest. Nagi can ‘dive’ into people’s heads. And Rindo? Well, he has the super fancy ability of ‘replay’ where he can travel through time.

Speaking of time travel, I usually hate it as a trope. And it’s why I’ve shied away from games such as Returnal and Deathloop. Rather than loop time around, however, it’s very much alternate dimensions that disappear as soon as Rindo is able to change the past. As the narrative continues, it becomes an important point and helps up the stakes in the final battle battle while in other games it’s more of a gimmick or left unexplained.

By using their powers, they make it to the end of Week 1 and would have been able to leave the game after narrowly besting Susukichi (a member of the Ruinbringers and a minor antagonist) in battle before it is ruled invalid due to the interference of a hooded figure that looks somewhat like the legendary Neku (gone from the RG in an extra episode that came packaged with the Final Remix version of The World Ends With You, which came out on the Switch). 

Forced into a second week of the Reaper’s Game and losing the valuable Minamimoto, the unlikely allies fight their way through until they have to hunt down the interloper that had saved them earlier. Except, of course, it’s not Neku. But Daisukenojo Bito (or Beat as he prefers to be called). With one of the old cast members supporting the team, they manage to survive Week 2. By the end, they even manage to recruit a former member of the Reapers, Shoka Sakurane. 

Alas, though they managed to win against Susukichi a second time as well as defeat Tsugumi, they are forced into a third week of the game because the leader of the Ruinbringers is none other than Shiba: the Game Master. Honestly, as I played, I couldn’t help but decry the unfairness of it all. The deck was stacked against all the human players from the start and I honestly felt for the teams that had been there ever since the beginning.

It’s during the third week that a lot of the underlying plot is unravelled such as the revelation that the Reapers in charge are from Shinjuku and that they had fled to Shibuya three years ago.

But, the best reveal of all was Neku coming to Beat’s rescue at the end of Day 4 of the third week. I could not have been even more excited to see the character that I played in the first game return in all his glory!

There’s a lot about NEO that I loved. The character relationships (and the budding romance between Rindo and Shoka) in particular helped gave both the protagonists and villains alike, depth. Then there was the reunion between Shiki and Neku. I’m not afraid to admit that I got a little teary at the scene.

Most important of all, NEO, like The World Ends With You before it, taught that what makes a place special aren’t the buildings but the people and the connections one builds. That was why Rindo decided to risk it all and use his powers again even though it might have proved disastrous.

And while I would like nothing but gush about the game, there were quite a few things that irked me about the title. The fixed camera angles - while understandable - also made it occasionally difficult to navigate around the world and its fixed settings. It didn’t help that the minimap on the lower left wasn’t orientated in the same way as the locations - which made it all the more confusing.

This also extended to combat where player characters were focused on one enemy and the use of the right analogue stick merely shifted the target.

Instead of swiping madly at the screen, NEO also changed up how pins were used. Each pin was assigned to a specific button. Whether that was X, Y, L, R, ZR or ZL. By the end of the game, I could feel my hand cramping as I button-mashed my way through most of the combat encounters (although there are a few buttons that one needs to hold/ or charge). It became a dizzying dance of seeing which pins had been recharged and how effective they were against each enemy.

The groove display was a fun addition and dropping the beat meant there were new creative ways for my team to do damage. But my goodness...those Scramble Slams were the worst when it came to racking up points. And all for what? A pin that became obsolete by the third week as I picked out my favourites.

Still, this was a solid game by Square-Enix and I’m still very curious about the lore of the world that has been so lovingly crafted. Angels, Composers, Conductors...

Let’s hope it doesn’t spiral into Kingdom Hearts level of ridiculousness when it comes to backstory.

Also...before I forget, I love the stickers that Rindo uses in his chats with Swallow and Fret! Square-Enix...please release those stickers for use! I want to send my friends Cactuars, Tonberries, Chocobos and Moogles!

[redsector-a]

AO3 Ask Game

I was tagged by @themarshalstale which, thank you so much! I feel like I always get missed on these (I know why, it’s been 84 years since I published anything but still). 1. How many works do you have on ao3?

46 it seems. Which...look I’m slow man so that’s not surprising. lol Also crippling depression does not make for much production, at least for me.

2. What’s your current AO3 wordcount?

309662 according to the stats.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

So do I could only AO3 or in like life? lol I suppose it should only be on AO3 since this is an AO3 ask game. Hrm. Basically AO3 can be summed up as: Marvel (in several iterations - all Avengers related) Torchwood Highlander But isn’t it more fun to consider my entire fandom life, which, I’m sorry, I’m old so...yeah. Not all of this is was published and beyond that a lot is not available anymore...which is likely for the best. Highlander Star Wars Babylon 5 Ronin Warriors/Samurai Troopers Marvel (again, several iterations also of note Avengers and X-Men both count) Torchwood Star Trek LOTR Stargate (SG-1, SGA) Mortal Kombat I dabbled with the idea of Potter fic but never got past the ideas stage.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1: You rearrange me till I’m sane Clint finds himself spiraling into a deep depression after the Battle of New York...until the Winter Soldier ends up saving him and inadvertently giving him a new purpose – to save the man that the Soldier had once been – Bucky Barnes. Not one to be outdone, the Soldier decides that his new mission is to ensure that Clint remains alive himself. Protecting a blonde man with a self-destructive streak is somehow very familiar to him. Through the back and forth of who is saving whom they cross the country and learn more about themselves and each other – and perhaps find a reason for living. 2: Five Dates Bucky Didn’t Realize He Was on And the One He Planned Himself To say that Bucky was surprised when Clint kissed him was an understatement. But it was nothing compared to the shock he felt when he learned they'd been dating for months without him realizing it.Clint gets whisked away for a mission before they have time to talk and Bucky is left to figure things out on his own - hindsight being 20/20 he can't help but wonder how he missed things the first go around.

3: Puck Luck Bucky Barnes is used to the ups and downs of an NHL season. He's used to the unpredictability of the game, knows that bounces don't always go your way, but that doesn't make a broken hand in the final third of the season any easier to deal with. Especially not when he ends up with an impromptu roommate/personal assistant in the form of one Clint Barton - his agent, Natalia Romanova's (rather attractive) friend he hadn't known existed before his injury.

It's just for six to eight weeks - what could possibly happen in that span of time?

4: Loose Lips Launch Ships

Based on the following prompt: “We go to school together and I think you’re cute and apparently you’re also the pizza delivery guy and my little sibling opened the door screaming hey sibling! you know that kid you’re in love with? you really weren’t kidding when you said his jawline could cut steel holy shit-” Bucky is the pizza delivery guy. Clint's younger (foster) brother has a big mouth.

5: Indelible Bucky Barnes has a pretty decent life – a good job, good friends, a cat that adores him - but something is missing. He’s always found body art to be beautiful and inspiring, and on a whim (and with the hope that maybe he can find what he’s missing) he decides to take the plunge and get a tattoo. That's how he meets Clint Barton. Clint's talented and compassionate and there is an instant spark between the two of them. It's not long before Bucky finds himself wondering and wanting more from the relationship despite the ghosts of the past that crop back up. Because Clint makes him feel normal in a way he truly hasn't for years...

(this was pre-Alpine so I was totally chuffed when canon confirmed Bucky’s status as a crazy cat lady (affectionate).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not.

I really really really want to do it but I often times don’t end up doing it. There are a few reasons. First, I am akwward AF and bad at interaction adn I feel like just saying thank you would be...not enough? Second - I often times tend to like...turtle (aka retreat into myself) when life gets Too Hard/Busy which happens a lot to me (sigh) and then I miss the vague window in my mind in which it would be okay to respond and then it’s even more weird. I do love and cherish all of them. Like there was one months ago that made me go “hmm...I didn’t think I was going to do a sequel to that fic (You rearrange me till I’m sane), timestamp glimpses sure but a sequel hadn’t come to mind” but then the comment made me think! So...who knows? lol Anyway, I literally have been rereading some in an effort to try and get myself going again. Know that if you have commented, I love you.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

At the moment? Probably: Look at you look at me Bucky's in love with Clint - problem is he's really not supposed to be. For Winterhawk Week 2019 - Forbidden Love (I really don’t want to give away the spin in the fic but...if you’re familiar with the Secret Avengers Vol 2 run circa 2013ish (aka when SHIELD initially ‘took control of the team’) that’s a bit of a hint as to the spin). Were it done, Torch Song would be up there. ;) Torch Song Clint is sent back in time, via an alien device, to 1938. While he tries to figure out how to get back home, he takes up singing and entertaining to make ends meet and does his best to not disrupt the timeline.Then he meets a 21 year old Bucky Barnes. --- A torch song is a sentimental love song, typically one in which the singer laments an unrequited or lost love, either where one party is oblivious to the existence of the other, where one party has moved on, or where a romantic affair has affected the relationship.

7. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Does *wanting* to write crossovers count? lol I want, so badly, to do more crossovers and fusions (which...are kinda deeper versions of crossovers in a way). The only one I do have posted is a crossover between Highlander and Torchwood -

The Immortal Mr. Jones A series of vignettes (some long, some short) in the life of the newly immortal Ianto Jones. My most ambitions project that I have been working on since late 2011/early 2012 is a fusion of the Avengers with Stephen King’s the Stand. I will get that done at some point *shakes fist*  The Stand, for those who don’t know it, is an epic 1000+ page novel about a flu epidemic (I know) that wipes out over 99% of the population and then two figures representing Good and Evil pull the survivors in two directions for a showdown. So basically it’s a non-powered modern AU set in that universe. It’s a passion and comfort project. lol

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. Well, minor bitching back when I was in a prior fandom because I tagged a pairing in a fic but it was pre-slash and not labeled as pre-slash. I got hate on...I think it was Torch Song? And I’ve gotten hate on tumblr re me and my fic in general as well. Fandom! *jazz hands* Oh! And I’ve also been hit by those reviewers within Winterhawk (among general Clint pairings actually) who like rate you on either number scales or the “meh” scale. Which isn’t hate exactly but...it’s passive aggressive bullshit because I can’t believe none of them realize at this point that the authors can see their bookmarks - you know?

9. Do you write smut?

Yes. Do I write it well? I have no idea. lol

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of. Well...there was, I think, one of those reposting sites that had a few fics on it but I don’t think it was being passed off as someone else’s? I can’t quite recall. It’s why I have a note on AO3 about reposting my work anyway.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not entirely, but sort of. Let me explain - I am part of a PBEM game; which for those unfamiliar since it’s a term that was most heavily in use 15-20 years ago, in which you basically do a round robin type writing thing but rather than everyone writing the same characters you write your own characters and you play off what other people have done. Another way of looking at it is  it’s basically DnD without dice and written down rather than done out loud. You also don’t have to all be around at the same time. It’s a lot of fun and yes I have been in it for 20 years even though there aren’t many of us left but they are some of my dearest friends and fabulous writers. Wins all around.  One of the other writers and I have actually toyed with the idea of doing a co-written fic actually, mostly because we work super well together and keep getting ideas for things but can’t really do them as rpgs since the pbem style isn’t used much anymore.

12. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Winterhawk probably. Though, let’s be real - Han & Leia are epic and amazing as are John & Delenn (from Babylon 5).

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Does wanting to expand The Black Stallion books as a wee child count? lol Not much of that was written save for world building ideas but there was a great oral tradition of telling stories to my friends. Otherwise...maybe a tie between Star Wars and Highlander. Star Wars was a love since I was super young but the writing bug didn’t hit me until around the same time Highlander was a thing as well.

14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? You rearrange me till I’m sane for sure. Though Torch Song, if it were finished, would be tied I imagine (I suck at picking favorites). Honorable mention to Puck Luck and Indelible. Tagging: I have seen this like a million times (okay 5) so I feel like everyone has been tagged already that I know. But...I guess... @vexbatch @crazycatt71 @heartonfirewrites and @disruptedvice sorry if anyone has been tagged before.

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Never said that it was actually all that similar, or intended as such, just that it kind of reminded me of it? (The weird stuff with babby!Jason killing someone actually reminds me of All-Star Batman and Robin’s Dick, but that was intended to be that version of Dick’s villain origin story, and Millerverse!Dick was established as unambiguously a villain in that world’s future, and he was under a lot of stress when he tried to kill Hal, considering all the shit he went through)

The original comment, for reference:

The fact that they babby Jason kill someone sucked, but the bit with Jason and the guns reminds me of Batman Odyssey, where DICK does basically the same thing- Bruce is telling a rambling gibberish story about a time Bruce went on a train, to explain that Guns Are Bad, and as part of this, he gives Dick a gun, causing Dick to enter a gun fever, which is resolved by a philosophical discussion about gun fever in a battle royale.

I'm going to treat this comment like it was made in good faith, and not like you're trying to gaslight me into thinking I somehow overreacted or misunderstood. I'm not sure where you're from or if English is your first language, so I'm trying really hard not to make assumptions here.

Ok. This is going to be hard for me to explain because it's a simple concept for me and things that I haven't had to think about much are always hard to break down. But please, bear with me.

While it's true that you didn't use the exact words 'similar' or 'intended', what you did say is that one event reminded you of another. I... I don't know how to explain that this is a comparison and comparisons are made on either similarities or differences (or both) and that everything you wrote grammatically indicates you are comparing similarities. I'm not a high school lit teacher. I don't know how to teach this stuff. I am genuinely not trying to be condescending, I just don't know how to phrase this.

I'm just going to break down your og ask real quick:

Baby Jason killing someone sucks, but [important indicator that what's coming next is something you think doesn't suck and isn't a bad choice] the bit with the guns reminds me of when DICK [in all caps. interesting choice] does basically the same thing [this is you literally stating the events are similar and that similarity extends to the intent] and Bruce explains to Dick why guns are bad with a philosophical discussion [this is you literally stating what you believe to be the intent, teaching Dick that guns are bad]

So yes, you did say that they were similar, and specifically that the intents of both scenes were the same.

And as I explained in my response, they’re not.

Now, your new example, of Millerverse Dick is, even though you phrase it like it’s not by saying “BUT that was actually intended to be Dick’s villain origin”. That phrasing tells anyone who’s reading, that you don’t think the same is true of the scenes in UL.

But again, you’re wrong. The intent with both scenes in Urban Legends (young Jason with the guns and young Jason killing someone) is explicitly to show that Jason’s origins as the Red Hood, as the Robin that kills and uses guns, as a villain, are rooted before his murder. And the intent wouldn’t matter so much except that the narrative reinforces it.

To be perfectly honest, I do believe you are trying to gaslight me, and I believe your intent is to say “See? They did it to Dick too, so it’s not like they’re picking on Jason.” Which is wildly disingenuous and a false equivalency. Dick doesn’t use guns. Dick doesn’t think that killing super villains is necessary. So retroactive stories with Bruce teaching Robin Dick that guns are bad, are just that. There is no agenda attached to them because of who Dick grew up to be. There is for Jason.

If that’s not your intent, I sincerely apologize. You didn’t specifically say it was, so I’m basing my suspicions off subtextual clues in your asks. It’s very possible I’m wrong and I’m answering you under the assumption that I am indeed incorrect because I prefer to give the benefit of the doubt.

But stories have structures and narrative devices that do very specific jobs. Flashbacks are never arbitrary. They always serve the broader story in some way, so they have to be taken in context with the story they are embedded in. 

In Batman Odyssey, the flashbacks of Bruce’s early encounters with firearms are used to contextualize his reasons for teaching Dick guns are bad and being real, it does this extremely poorly.

In Batman Urban Legends, the flashbacks are there to contextualize the iteration of Jason Todd we see in the rest of the story.

In both cases, the flashbacks serve as context for the story we are reading.

But while the flashbacks in Odyssey can be extrapolated to provide context for why Dick is an upstanding hero who doesn’t kill, Urban Legends uses the context provided in the flashbacks to rewrite Jason’s backstory and turn him into “a bad seed” who was a killer considering using firearms, as a child even before he was brutally murdered. 

[fancyfade]

Well I got super impatient and decided to post a day early. If you do click on and read CW: Child abuse. The tone isn’t like depressing the whole way through, I’m not interested in pointless grief, but it starts pretty heavy

For the preview have this bit I am glad I got an excuse to use finally (wrote it before this fanfic had to find a place to work it in I think it works really well here)

Father and all his people always found the most stifling, condescending, worst possible way to think about Damian. They wanted to protect him, but only half the time – only if they could imagine him as a sad, tiny child, helpless and afraid. They didn't know what to do with the other half – they didn't know what to do with him when he was fighting or behaving unacceptably or being always too too much. They couldn't decide whether they see him as a victim or a villain, and while neither would be ideal, he'd prefer the latter. A villain has power and agency, and he can't help but thinking of a victim as someone who's been stripped of both.

keep reading

Writing decisions (These will be LONG AS FUCK)

So there are two major moments from the 2009 B&R run I wanted in my fic at least that happen in the same plotline. I'm breaking it into two moments in different plotlines for the below reasons:

The first moment is when Damian both explicitly rejects Talia's offer to go back to being an assassin and chooses to stay being Robin

and then after the dumb slade part of that plot, there's the second moment, where he asks Talia to love him as he is, not as she wants him to be.

I feel the important things here are Damian explicitly rejecting being a supervillain and then Damian wishing he could be treated different by one of his parents (his primary caregiver up until he was 10 years old here in my verse, but in new earth canon she did not meet him until he was 9). Since Morrison, obviously Talia was the one Damian would both reject for supervillainry and ask for parental approval of, but I'm obviously having Ra's represent the more supervillainy side of things here.

This is also important why Damian knows that the letter was a lie before this plot could happen, because when he rejects Ra's he's doing it 100 percent with the knowledge that his dad didn't want him (from his POV) and he doesn't have another patriarchal figure of approval. He's just rejecting Ra's because Ra's is cruel to him and wrong, not because he has a better option waiting.

The other important moment in canon (Damian expressing dissatisfaction with how he is treated by Talia) will obviously have to change significantly in my fic but I do want him to have some type of interaction with her where he explains how he wants ot be treated

For canon basis of Damian and Ra's' interactions:

We have pretty scant Damian and Ra's interactions in canon mostly what I can think of are sort of Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul, the flashbacks in Teen Titans Rebirth (first six issues), and the weird Shadow/Batman comic.

The consistent theme seems to be that Damian exists for Ra's, not as a person. In RRAG Ra's refers to Damian as “it” and is surprised/offended that he does not immediately acquiesce to being a backup body, in Teen Titan's flashbacks Damian's oath is “I am yours” - that he belongs to his grandfather – and ra's calls him the greatest weapon in his arsenal or smthing, and in shadow/batman ra's continuously tries to impress upon damian that damian only exists because ra's allows him to/ at ra's' mercy.

(Yes the “ You're recalcitrant. Emotional.” dialogue is straight from Batman Bad Blood Talia, but when Talia is being villain balled she often comes across as woman-scorned version of Ra's so I don't feel bad stealing it and giving him that dialogue)

Anyway so needless to say its toxic as hell.

Ra's is also portrayed as generally using his family for his own means/ being very controlling/possessive – like in Batman Chronicles #8 he thinks (in his internal monologue) that he will never allow Talia to be free and that he needs her especially to continue his lineage and not be alone. He also kidnaps her when she leaves him in the early 2ks plot after tower of babel.

Miscellaneous decisions not based on those interactions:

the guard was based off of the dude who Ravi called the hand of ra's in robin: son of batman. I assumed they might have slightly different dynamics with Tali and Damian than the other leaguers because they call Talia by her first name, which seemed to not be what the other leaguers did. I'll be real they don't flesh out the league members who don't have names a ton, I had to do a lot of guessing.

I feel like even though Damian's upbringing in the League of Shadows was abusive as hell, he'd still miss where he grew up, especially the parts that were just like... day to day stuff and not fighting (Granted he still did obviously miss some of the way they did fighting interactions too).

I actually googled some geography to try to describe the place the Cradle was in because in the comics I don't think they gave us a location (besides that the last city they were at was Baghdad) and then the scenery did not give us much detail. I wanted to be able to describe the scenery a bit and not just say “um, it looked like a desert” (it looked... vaguely deserty in the comics?) especially since it would be significant to Damian. And I didn't want to just go with whatever preconceived notions I had.

I had Ra's make the fetus that may eventually become heretic here because I feel like if we're going with the RRAG backup body theme that might be a reasonable justification for Ra's cloning him (it was so unclear what Talia's motives for making Heretic were in the comic)

anyway SUPER Long but i'm really proud of this scene and Damian's confrontation with Ra's so I hope you all enjoyed it

[irkenheretic]

(How I Learned) How To Read Irken: A Guide

(Pictured: Us....) (From @zimgay​ ‘s lovely animatic!)

Okay, I’m finally making this post. 

If you’ve been following me for a while, you might have caught on that I can read Irken. When I started, I was completely confused over wether or not I was teaching myself correctly, how long it’d take, et cetera. But I’ve finally hashed it out for myself, and I thought:

Why not make a guide for anyone else who wants to learn but has no idea where to start? 

So that’s what I’m doing. Some disclaimers, though:

- This is what worked for me. It may or may not work for you, I’m not sure. I think it’s a pretty good method, though.

- Reading Irken and Writing Irken are two different skillsets. I’m gonna show you how to do both, but don’t worry if you’re better at one than the other. 

- This will probably take a while of daily (or near-daily) practice to learn. It’s not impossible, it’s not super challenging, but it’s not super easy, especially if you have memory problems like I do. (For context: I started in September. But I also have a really shitty memory so, like. It might take less time for you.)

Okay! Let’s do this!

First off, you’d probably do well downloading the Irken font for practice purposes. Messing around with it and typing in it is fun, and can help!

You’ll also need a notebook. It’s not required, but having it all in one place is super convenient. (And, if it’s tiny enough, you can carry it around whenever, and also have it on hand to whip out at cons.)

The first thing I did was write each individual letter over and over and over again. This is what’s at the start of my notebook, and writing the letters over and over helped me remember which were which. I also had to focus pretty hard on what letter this actually was, this is tedious as hell but it’s not something you can do mindlessly.

(Pictured: Normal levels of interest in a show.)

This is what my notebook looks like. Don’t worry about those simplified versions of the letters yet, but you’re gonna wanna leave room for them. Don’t worry about learning simplified/handwritten until later, it helps recognition if you really have to focus on actually drawing the letters, at first.

(And yes, I know my pen is really smudgy. And that my H’s suck.)

After this, three letter words are your friend. Pick just, common three letter words you know, and write them down a lot. I have just, the Irken for “THE” written in the margins of my class notebooks a TON. Once you feel like you can remember that word well, go onto another 3 letter word with a different set of letters. Recognition = good, so pick something you like, use all the time. 

While I was doing this, I tried to string together Irken letters I knew into like, coherent phrases. I was very bad at this at first. Acronyms are your friend here, lmao. (I don’t think I can count the number of times I’ve written ‘u r a qt pie’ in my notebooks.) It doesn’t matter what you write, just that it makes coherent sense. 

There are gonna be some uncommon letters that are gonna be hard to practice, like W and Z, off the top of my head. For Z, that was easy. I just wrote ZIM over and over and over. For W... I used UWU. You laugh now, but the absurdity of it cements that I will always recognize those two letters. 

Four letter words are also good. (Please, absolutely write “FUCK” over and over in order to remember letters. I encourage it.)

There is also the absolute cuntwaffles. Y’know how in English, b, p, d, g, all look kinda the same? Yeah, Irken has that too. 

(Pictured: Head hurting juice.)

The I and Z don’t look that similar now, but good luck without a translation guide. By this point, you should have memorized a good chunk of the Irken alphabet, and be able to recognize some others when you see them. If you’ve been writing common three- or four-letter words, it’s likely you’ve been using letters very common in the English language. Which brings us to our next stage, and the actual fun part: 

READING! 

You’re gonna want a translation guide on hand in these early stages, you will need it. The main goal of this stage is to read anything in Irken you can get your hands on- but start small! Fanart with Irken in it was a godsend to me. It’s not that long, so it’s not overwhelming. I did need to look up some letters at the beginning, and I read really slowly, but that’ll change quickly if you keep up with it! The specific fanarts I used are:

@inimoose​ ‘s The Last Irken comic, specifically chapter one: part one, and chapter two: part two have a lot of Irken. But I’d recommend reading the whole comic; it’s good!

@paketdimensioncomic​ ‘s page of lore for their comic! Spoilers, though. Again, I’d recommend reading through the whole comic, because it’s just that good. 

@xryn-art​ ‘s Linguistic Au’s first comic has a good chunk of Irken! The other comics do have some, but it’s all translated. Still good practice, though, if you wanna... read them......... ;) ;) ;) 

Yes, this segment was partially a way for me to plug my favorite fan-artists, (or at least the ones that use Irken,) sue me. It’s my guide and I make the rules here.

(I am very sorry if I bothered any of you by @’ing you.)

But just some sources isn’t enough, so I introduce you to browser fonts. And changing yours to Irken. 

It will not effect everything in your browser, and it can be toggled on and off, so don’t worry. If you really want, you can download a separate browser to change the font of, and leave your normal one be. It’d be convenient if you could, since having your browser font be Irken is inconvenient if you need to use Wikipedia, like, ever. 

Here’s a guide for that, for Chrome, Firefox, Opera, and Internet Explorer for some reason. You’ll see four options to change, I just changed all of them. Not every page is going to have Irken on it, though. For me, Wikipedia is all in Irken, and so is TV Tropes. And some Tumblr blogs (PAKet Dimension’s is one, just in case you need a reason to go back there ;)) But it might be different for you. 

Whatever it is, now you have a nice way to practice. I read Wikipedia articles on stuff I already knew about (so I wasn’t completely lost and could figure out what letters I didn’t know were from context clues,) but not a page I’ve read before in recent memory- you might just be recalling what the page said, instead of actually reading it.

And about the absolute cuntwaffle letters: yes, this will help you in recognizing which are which. Seeing the letters in context is always going to be much more helpful than just, a bunch of meaningless squiggles floating in the void.

At this point, I personally am much better at reading than writing Irken. It’s one thing to know a letter when you see it, and another to recall it and write it down from memory. Right now, I’m trying to write song lyrics and dumb little phrases in Irken, to improve my writing skills. Again, nothing too long, don’t overwhelm yourself. This sounds stupid, but Vines are good. When I don’t remember a letter, I just leave it blank and look it up after I’m done. 

Another thing that helps is having a friend to practice with, or someone to just give you Irken phrases for you to translate. 

Once you’re around this stage, you can try to learn simplified/handwritten Irken. You can also try to learn it before this, I started it around when I started reading fanart for practice, it’s up to you. This guide is a good starting point, but you don’t have to follow it exactly. This is your handwriting, do what feels natural for you!

(Also, don’t even worry about speedwrite Irken. That has no place in this holy land and frankly I am scared of it.)

And that’s... pretty much it! Most of the process is just... practicing a lot. 

If this post does well, I might make a server for people who wanna learn Irken to practice together and stuff. It all depends if anyone even wants to learn Irken. 

EDIT: Well, guess what I ended up making just the next day. Here’s the post for the server, and please read the joining rules.

Also, if you wanna learn Irken numbers, here you go. But start with letters first, worry about numbers later. These are never used, aren’t even in the Irken font, and three of them look a lot like those cuntwaffle Irken letters. 

Anyway I just really hope this guide helps someone out. If you do use it, tell me! And have fun learning Irken!! It really is just, a blast to do honestly.

[beeblackburn]

The Anti-TBR Tag

I was tagged by @books-and-doodles! Thank you! And poor you, for I am a long-winded bastard.

1. A popular book EVERYONE loves that you have no interest in reading?

On general principle, I feel like the really popular stuff (Twilight, Throne of Glass, Divergent, The Mortal Instruments) ends up being stuff I’m inherently not going to be attracted to and some of them have their own hatedoms going on, so going after them in detail would be punching down (though I don’t particular like any of the above). So I’m going to try to go off the beaten path with these seven:

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab = nothing against her personally, though I heard her The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue was baaaaad, but apparently, she’s similar to Sanderson in the magic system being better than the characterization and I heard her writing’s got a white faux-female empowerment sort of thing going that I’m growing increasingly... discontent of by itself. I might try it out later, but I also got hundreds of books to drill through first and I’m in no rush.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo = I’ve been increasingly getting the sense that Six of Crows was a flash in the pan, Bardugo’s style more defined by fun than genuine substance. And given a rather scathing review that points out unearned shifts in characterization, lackluster supporting cast, and two really uncomfortable exploitative sexual assault fantasy scenes (one of which was underaged!), I’m gonna say no.

A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik = I generally like Novik! She’s a very solid writer to me and I’ve bought most of her books, so this is purely me not taking to the Wizarding School genre. Sorry, Novik, "a twisted, super dark, super modern, female-led Harry Potter" isn’t the selling point it once was, and even then, I probably wouldn’t have taken to it. Especially when I’ve already got The Gray House by Mariam Petrosyan to read.

The Alloy of Law by Brandon Sanderson = I’ve got mixed feelings on Mistborn looking back: it’s hardly the worst of his oeuvre (Elantris is that and was admittedly his first book) and The Final Empire took a few narrative risks that I admire, I also found the resulting books a tad juvenile and I don’t take to steampunk, genre-wise. I’m not even that much of a Sanderson fan, so I’d rather just read the summary for all I care.

Storm Front by Jim Butcher = given what I’ve been told about The Dresden Files’ lessening of noir roots past the first few books, how it later became more flashy-and-bang magical, and how it’s pretty sexist early on (and from what I’ve been told, doubled down on it later on and having worse treatments of its female characters), I’m in no particular rush to read them. The urban fantasy genre on them only turns me off more.

The Doors of Stone by Patrick Rothfuss = hahaha, I’m sorry, I did read The Name of the Wind, and read select parts of The Wise Man’s Fear, but everyone, instead of waiting and devoting your time for this book to come, I would suggest reading Fitz, Who Is Actually Good and Can Wring More than Disgust and an Eye-Roll out of You in Robin Hobb’s Realm of the Elderlings, given she is far better at characterization than Rothfuss.

Anything by Paul Krueger, Sam Sykes, and Myke Cole = fuck all three of these men and the idea that I’ll pay for their stuff. While I can’t demand any of you not buy from them and I’ll hardly claim to be a saint in terms of ethics, purchase-wise, I would beseech you all please don’t buy from these three authors who have a history of inappropriateness.

2. A classic book (or author) you don’t have an interest in reading?

Charles Dickens = look, I know his word count is padded because of serial installments back then, but I’m sorry, I wasn’t that impressed by the child-sanitized versions of Great Expectations and Oliver Twist. They were easily some of the most boring of out of the child-sanitized classics I read. It was the pictures that kept me going and barely at that. No thanks.

Emily Brontë =  look, if I wanted shitty people being shitty to each other, I’d much rather read Joe Abercrombie because at least I’ll get some intentional dark comedy out of dumb shitheads being terrible to each other (Best Served Cold comes to mind). And I know we’re not meant to like these self-destructive people, but I’d rather not hate everyone that much.

Alexander Dumas = Three Musketeers really didn’t age well, just from the TV Tropes page and I’m not really looking forward to an adventure that goes out of its way to valorize its protagonists being adventurous assholes who dueled, drank, and womanized harder than anyone else and we should commend that because they were men. Ugh.

3. An author you have read a couple of books from & have decided their books are not for you?

Leigh Bardugo = like I said, I feel like Six of Crows (and Crooked Kingdom, to a lesser extent) was a flash in the pan and she’s been increasingly running on fumes ever since then. Good and fun with a decent eye for characterization, but hardly revolutionary, considering how I think Crooked Kingdom isn’t quite as good as Six of Crows, and the less said about Shadow and Bone, the better.

Neil Gaiman = I’ve read some of his stuff (and I didn’t quite see the hype over his writing, but liked it decently enough) but having heard that, in his Sandman run, he wrote in a transwoman solely to get killed for an emotional ending and how he defended that choice for awhile left a battery acid taste for me to read more. He’s a formative part of people’s childhoods, so I don’t blame anyone for being fans, he’s just not for me.

Steven Erikson = really nothing against the dude, I’m sure he's probably a decent guy, but I didn’t take to Gardens of the Moon at all and skimming Deadhouse Gates and Memories of Ice (which were admittedly better) made me realize its prose was something I would need a hard and sharp shovel to crack through, and the darting around of many, many POVs made me feel not invested in anyone.

4. A genre you have no interest in OR a genre you tried to get into & couldn’t?

I’ll answer both because I have the time:

I’m not interested in romance, mostly because it’s an entire genre built around the build-up. It’s usually the story about the beginning of a relationship, not the relationship itself. I’d genuinely like to read about the story of a romance that doesn’t stop shortly after the hook-up or before the honeymoon period ends. The City Watch parts of Discworld by Terry Pratchett, The Memoirs of Lady Trent by Marie Brennan and The Sharing Knife by Lois McMaster Bujold all have romantic elements that are relatively undrenched in melodrama or frills, but none of them are pure romances, which is a huge problem. I can take romantic subplots in fantasy, but I can’t take the genre as-is.

Urban fantasy is a genre I’m not against having my mind changed on liking, but right now, I generally find it insipid, a shortcut to good world-building, short on great characterization, and an excuse to lampshade and pretense to being above fantastical clichés in a tongue-in-cheek attitude while still committing to them. I do genuinely like Rivers of London by Ben Aaronvitch, but that’s really the concession I can give the entirety of the genre. I took a crack at Rick Riordan and Cassandra Clare’s stuff, but it didn’t feel like my sort of thing. Again, would like to be convinced, but I’d much rather read a domestic or slice-of-life fantasy set in a more overtly fantasy world than the urban one. 

Also, sci-fi, but I’m trying again with the Wormwood trilogy by Tade Thompson, An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon, and either the Imperial Radch trilogy by Ann Leckie, or the Teixcalaan trilogy by Arkady Martine. I snoozed through Azimov’s Foundation and generally bored myself of hard sci-fi books, so I’m hoping contemporary sci-fi changes my mind on the entire genre.

5. A book you have bought but will never read?

A book I personally bought? Honestly, Traitor’s Blade by Sebastien de Castell. No particular reason, I just bought it at a closing-down sale at a branch of my bookstore on the cheap because the cover looked nice and didn’t really take to its blurb. I heard good things though, so if anyone else wants to read it...

I tag @vera-dauriac, @xserpx, @autoapocrypha, @kateofthecanals, @turtle-paced, @insecticidalfeminism, @secretlyatargaryen, @helix-eagle-hourglass-nebula, @xillionart, @jovolovo and whoever else that is following me and wishes to do this tag (I’d like to read your posts, so please tag me! :D)

[locria-writes]

I feel like the MC in all your stories never gets a break. Is there a reason for that?

the short not-fun answer? i love melodrama :D

the fun answer where i get to ramble about meta(?)-lore? abea and aab originate from the same story i wrote when i was a super angsty and melodramatic tween that i still love quite dearly to this day (but it belongs locked in the attic like some shameful victorian love child lmao)

aab split off from it probably.....seven? six? years ago, and has retained og!abea’s setting (late 1800s/early 1900s western europe), and more or less the original backstory for mc (emotionally abusive dad, dead nightmare mother, neglectful stepmother, favoured half-sister, etc). the only real difference is that instead of having multiple older sisters, mc was originally written with four older brothers lol.

you can still kinda see the abea in aab tbh

val’s very much based off of protagonist!og!vezian (the whole “let’s fuck over mc as much as possible” schtick, Daddy Issues, illegitimacy),

uncle ed and lothar are some weird split off of antagonist!og!launcelin (older guy, kinda shady, romantic)

oskar is kinda reminiscent of og!yeran (grew up with mc, cutie patootie, just Doing His Best)

mc’s marriage is in the middle of being arranged to someone else when the romance begins, and she defies burky boy to chase her happiness

abea, as you can imagine, was supposed to have the backstory of aab, mostly. the version that the game is based off of is almost identical to what it is right now (dead mom, very much alive dad + older brothers), except --

mc had no grandma, no auntie, and pretty much had no female role models except for the few times she was allowed to see her sister-in-law

dad was originally just nalaantai!burky boy, except he just never bothered to care about mc beyond making sure she was alive and well-trained enough to use as a political pawn

big bro ben tried to be nice, except he kept breaking promises to mc so his affection just felt fake and due to guilt

Best Bro mumu was emotionally unavailable and distant from mc bc of unresolved emotional trauma

lulu didn’t make that last minute resolution to run away with mc and felt very little remorse about breaking his promise (initially, at least, he feels shame later on lmao) and honestly isn’t even 25% as cool as he is now

mc had the two worst tutors in the world. like not that they were incompetent or anything, but they were just awful to her a la the kensington system

og!ouren was a literal child so no suave cutie around smh