#there will be one more part on mitra's story

[14thcommander]

best kept secret and your biggest mistake | hange zoe x reader

summary: your relationship with eren is a facade, and hange is your secret lover. they wish it was more than that, but they’ll take what you’ll give them. (inspired by nobody puts baby in the corner - fall out boy)

cw: smut, 18+ ONLY. angst, cheating, drinking, sex under influence of alcohol, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, praise. afab!reader, they/them pronouns for hange zoe. the characters are flawed and reader has a personality. 

Parties have never been Hange’s scene.

Not in a superiority complex way – at least that’s what they like to think – it’s just that people aren’t really Hange’s thing. Although the consumption of alcohol has become an increasing habit in their life, the noise and social interaction are the worst parts of attending parties, they figure.

“Tch, can’t believe we’re being dragged to this shit.” Levi comments, rolling his eyes at his own boyfriend. The short man always seems to be stressed or annoyed, but this time it feels genuine. When it comes to his partner, though, it never lasts long – not really. “This is your fault, Erwin.”

Erwin Smith, ever the social butterfly and recognizable persona, is able to fluctuate through almost every social group in Mitras. Which is precisely the reason why they are entering Zeke Yeager’s birthday party, crossing the threshold of a luxurious two story house — Hange wonders if the guy isn’t a bit too old to throw parties like this anyway, but hey: it’s free alcohol. 

“Sorry eyebrows, gonna have to agree with your boyfriend.”

Erwin snorts at Hange’s words and Levi simply huffs in agreement. A typical conversation so far. The living room is crowded, the atmosphere pumps a generic pop song, and Hange already wants to leave. There are so many people Hange recognizes, realizing that they will have to greet most of them in order to be polite. They look around, scanning the room for something they know will hurt them. 

You.

“Don’t be so pessimistic, Levi.” The blond says, placing a hand on the brunette’s shoulder. The gesture is suggestive, something only lovers could share. “You’ll have fun, I’ll make sure of it.”

Hange scoffs at the scene before them, with a roll of their eyes and a bitter taste on their tongue.

“Ew, get a room, you guys are fucking disgusting.” They say, face contorting with faux discomfort. “I’m getting a drink.”

-

There’s a golden locket hanging from your neck, a collar as heavy as prison. The photo inside, blurry and bright, is of your boyfriend — which was an anniversary gift from last year, or something. The both of you are always breaking up anyway, so Hange doesn’t fully understand what the point of celebrating an anniversary really is. The jewelry doesn’t fool anyone when it comes to deceiving the mess that is your relationship. It isn’t like a necklace would make them forget how he treats you.

As if it would make you look away from his affair with Mikasa Ackerman. 

Hange can’t help but eye it, as it gleams viciously, almost as if inviting them to destroy it. Instead, they take another swing from the sweaty beer bottle in their hand. 

Everything about you is more complicated than it should be. Someone like you shouldn’t be dating Eren Yeager of all people — he’s petty, childish, the embodiment of everything you’re not. You are no saint either, however being with someone like Yeager is something that Hange takes as a personal offense. 

This is bullshit. All of it. 

“Gonna grab another beer. Want one?” Levi says, the baritone voice is somehow louder than the music that plays from somewhere in the living room. 

“Sure.”

It has been an hour or so since they have arrived, and Hange is a few beers deep in

Your boyfriend has a hand on your thigh, marking his territory just in case anyone dares to look at you with lust in their eyes. Hange fights the urge to punch him. This is bullshit. All of it. 

You mutter something to Eren, lips close to his jaw, pressing a kiss to it after you are finished speaking. Hange assumes it is something about wanting another drink. They wonder if your boy toy knows what you like, at all. For starters, you prefer silver — why would he gift you a locket that is fucking gold? 

-

Hange decides to go upstairs in order to escape from the hell that is this party, unable to watch that circus any longer. The house is crowded, causing the atmosphere to feel even worse. It’s almost claustrophobic.

And, for some unknown reason, your friends are into that. 

The bathroom — third door on the right — is thankfully empty. It is clean, too: no signs of drunken regret in the form of vomit. 

The luxurious bathroom is covered in marble with gold adjacents, from floor to ceiling. There is an enormous bathtub on the end of it. Hange if the Yeagers ran out of money when renovating the house: the bathroom is all marble but there isn’t fucking decent lighting. 

Hange locks the door, back pressed against it. They let out a sigh, something from deep in their lungs and even deeper in their heart. They adjust the thick oval glasses on the bridge of their nose, feeling emotionally exhausted after watching you play pretend with Eren.

“Fuck.” They mutter shortly before splashing their face with cold water, feeling droplets fall down their neck. It refreshes them, sure, but the sinking feeling in their stomach is still there. 

Objectively speaking, Hange knows it doesn’t have anything to do with them, or they are – the whole situation is entirely your fault. You are the one who is – allegedly – in a happy, committed relationship. Hange was merely caught in the crossfire of your desires. The jealousy that bubbles in their stomach every time they have to witness you kiss him is your fault. 

But they can’t bring themself to hate you for it. 

-

After all, is it greedy to want both of them? 

You dream of dark, charcoal eyes only to wake up to an ocean gaze staring at you. It is confusing, complicated. You wish you were not pulling and pushing, stuck in between two different worlds.

The party was becoming too much for you – too much noise, too many people. You go upstairs, to the second floor of the house, needing to get away from everything and everyone. Wondering if there is an option — begging for a sign from God — to escape all of this, your hand grabs the doorknob of the bathroom, only for it to twist magically.

And, on the other side of it, is Hange Zoe. Dimly illuminated, the first few buttons of their shirt undone, tanned skin glowing — almost reflecting, luring you in. 

“Oh.” Is all you can come up with. 

Standing face to face with the truth isn’t funny — or easy — in the slightest. The sight of Hange before you feels like the universe is taunting you with the possibility of a life you could have.

“Hi.” They greet you, voice as buttery as you remember. 

You are overwhelmed with flashbacks of car seats, foggy windows, whispered sweet nothings. The ghost of Hange’s mouth still sends chills down your spine.

And, here you are — red solo cup in hand, filled halfway with a nasty drink your own boyfriend made for you, apparently unable to know the basics of your likes and dislikes. The golden locket around your neck is so heavy, so heavy you almost drop to the ground and as your skin turns blue.

“Hey.” Your voice is barely above a whisper. Hange is a few inches from you, and you can breathe in their scent, as it intoxicates your lungs. They smell of cologne, and a subtle undertone of cigarettes. You want to ask, since last time you talked they had quit the poisonous habit – it’s as awkward as it is already, though. 

You haven’t seen them in a month, since the last time you got back together with Eren. Hange took the message when you started ignoring their texts, and posted a picture with him again on your social media. Still, they don’t understand why. 

“How long are you planning on avoiding me?” They ask, shoulder leaning against the door frame. Because fuck this — fuck all of this. Fuck Eren Yeager and his superiority complex, and how he has the only thing Hange has ever truly wanted.

You.

Considering your options, you realize you have the chance to play dumb and pretend you don’t know what they are talking about. Except, this is Hange, who knows you better than anyone else in this world — who knows your soul and brain and heart like the palm of their hand. 

“Hange,” the sound of their name tastes unbelievably sour on your tongue. “You know. You know it’s complicated.”

They know this – at least that’s what they tell themself. Hange does their best to understand you, to feel empathy about your situation. Your relationship is obviously unhealthy, maintaining you in a chokehold. Eren always has a short leash around your neck – in the form of a gold necklace, mainly. He is always around, always with an arm snaked around your waist or a hand on your shoulder. Well, except when he sneaks around to cheat on you with Mikasa. 

“Is it?” Their words make your heart beat heavily against its organic cage, begging to be freed from its confines. “You say that every time, yet you won’t leave him. I thought you had a bit more self-respect than that, to be honest. You don’t seem like the person I met anymore. Not at all.”

They take a step towards you, bringing themself unbelievably close. 

“What happened to you, huh? Little Eren made you his pet?”

Their words drip with venom, poisonous and ready to kill. They want to hurt you as badly as you hurt them, but truly, they would not be able to do so. Hange is all bark, and no bite. You, on the other hand…

“Fuck you. Fuck you from even saying that.” There are stubborn tears threatening to spill from your eyes, a mixture of anger and plead.

Hange knows they might have gone too far, their words intended to stab you in the heart and apparently they did. Alcohol doesn’t suit their anger issues, after all. 

“Tell me to step away. Tell me to fuck off and I will. I’ll go downstairs and pretend I haven’t even seen you.”

You know they would do it, in case you requested — or better, ordered. These days, you wonder if there is anything Hange wouldn’t do for you. There’s a brief moment of silence, voices echoing from the party downstairs, music pumping through the walls. 

They move closer, so close, until their forehead is pressed against yours. 

“Hange.” You mumble their name like a confirmation, like a warning. What it implicates sits heavy in your stomach. 

It is messy, you don’t know who moves first, however your lips end up moving against theirs, with a synchrony that should be long forgotten.

The disgusting liquid that you were once holding ends up splattered on the floor. Your drink of gin, that tasted like kerosene, stands out on the marble floor. Someone would have to take care of it, but not right now. Not now, that your tongues are intertwined. Hange tastes like beer, and you probably taste like something similar.

And just like that, Eren Yeager’s empire falls, right into Hange’s hands. 

They grab your waist, moving you towards the dimly lit bathroom, in order to give a bit of privacy. Smoothly, Hange closes the door and presses your back against it, the rage of Hange burning from deep in their heart — you can feel it on your bones, in your marrow. You know this isn’t a hate fuck, but it isn’t making love either.

No, this is way more intense, as they press open mouthed kisses on the warm skin of your throat. They notice you still wear the same perfume they once complimented, and they can’t help but think it’s because of them. Hange can’t help but wonder about the impact they have in your life, or if they have any at all.

They whisper something that sounds like your name, and it sounds so different from how your boyfriend says you. In this very moment, with Hange gripping your hips tightly, canine teeth grazing the side of your neck, you feel no empathy for Eren. You feel no regret at all, and if that makes you an asshole, then so be it. Being a goody two shoes, a people pleaser, has never gotten you anywhere.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this.” Hange confesses, as they pull your skirt up, guiding you to lay in the empty bathtub, on the other corner of the bathroom.

“I know. I missed you too.” You reply in the form of something in between a whisper and a moan. It's not what they said at all, but you know they mean it anyways. 

Your tits are exposed, bra tossed somewhere on the ground. Your skirt is a puddle around your waist, panties moved to the side — the sight of your glossy cunt exposed to Hange, as they offer you a smile that isn’t nothing short of wolfish. 

“Aw princess, your cunt is so wet already. So messy.” The condescending tone drips from their voice like honey, much like the wetness that drips from you.

Biting their tongue, they fight the urge to ask, is it all for me?

They take a moment to appreciate your body, fingers dancing along your soft skin, occasionally running through scars, unevenness, and a birthmark. Details they want to remember for the rest of their life, but would much rather be reminded of those every chance they get to see you strip for them. 

“Please.” You whimper, as your hips buckle. 

They shush you, fingers lightly grazing your pussy, teasing you through your wetness.

“I know, baby. I’ll give it to you, I promise. Just be good for me, yeah?” They say, pressing kisses under your year, on your neck, towards your collarbone. “Think you can do it?”

You whimper in agreement. They’ll take it

“Gotta be quiet, or someone might notice.”

Digits find themselves playing with your cunt, spreading your inner lips apart as Hange presses a single finger against your entrance, touching you just enough to drive you crazy. It sends a white hot feeling through your body.

“So fucking pretty, princess. Prettiest goddamn pussy I’ve ever seen.”

Given Hange’s history, that means something. Even if it didn’t, the praise would still make your body sing underneath them. It’s hard to properly explain the effect they have on you. 

Their experienced fingers finally find their way inside you, as a thumb rubs against your clit. It’s magical, it’s heaven. If you could choose to die like this, you would. 

This right here should make Hange feel bad, overtaken by a sense of regret at least, but they can’t. Not when you look this good, moaning and whimpering and begging. You have a boyfriend, and they couldn’t care less. 

Their fingers start pumping in and out of you, slowly at first, but growing in speed. Hange knows just how you like it, they right amount of pressure to press on your clit, and curling their fingers inside of your cunt.

“Fuck, ohmygod.” You pant, dignity long forgotten. It’s shameless, you are horny like a fucking teenager, but it feels so good. “It’s so good.”

Hange swallows another moan from you, mouth pressed to yours messily, a mixture of tongue and teeth and spit. 

“Gonna let me taste you, baby?” They ask, not showing you any mercy, already lowering their body in between your legs. “You have no idea how much I missed this pretty pussy.”

“Please, please.” You whisper in response. “Need it, Hans. C’mon.”

They smile wickedly at you.

“Know you do.”

And then, finally — finally, they press open mouthed kisses on your inner thighs, careful to not leave any marks. If there isn’t any proof of your crimes against Eren, then he can’t hold it against you. This is how it works. 

You want all they can give you, unable to quit them. 

Tiny explosions spread through your entire body, as you grind your hips against Hange’s greedy mouth. Now, this is greed — the overwhelming lust, the need to make you theirs. 

The bubble of warmth on your lower abdomen only grows, threatening to pop at any given second. 

The way Hange takes care of you with subtle touches, making it clear that they pay attention to your every reaction brings a bittersweet taste to your tongue. The contrast between them and your boyfriend is even clearer, starkly obvious. This is too intense: a mixture of passion for your lover and regret for your relationship. Somehow, it feels similar to falling in love.

Your hands find home in Hange’s dark hair, like they have many times before. For some unknown reason, this time is bittersweet – perhaps, the emotions, the touches that are so fresh on your body, send you into sensory overload. Tears escape from your eyes, like a broken dam. 

Your mind is a mess, and so is your body – wetness clings to your inner thighs, a thin layer of sweat covering your entire body. 

Their name falls from your lips like a mantra, as if your body is solely devoted to Hange – no one, not even Eren, is capable of earning such a reaction from you

You are so close – your hands pull on Hange’s hair lightly, just enough for them to moan into your cunt. Their teeth lightly graze your clit, sucking it like their life depends on it. The Earth stutters on its axis as you come, the bubble of warmth on your lower abdomen finally exploding, creating a mess out of you. Your legs tremble in pleasure, as Hange carries you through your height. 

It is quiet for a while, only your heavy breathing and the bass of music bumping from downstairs creating noise around you. Hange helps you get dressed, adjusting their hair and glasses shortly after. It isn’t silent, however wordless – an old choreography you have smoothly executed many times before. 

But, really, what is Hange supposed to say? See you next time? Can’t wait to do this again? Is this-

“I’ll leave him.” You mutter, while fixing your makeup in front of the mirror, attempting to clean it in the dim light. You look at them through the mirror, fixing your smudged eyeliner as you do so. It is still unclear if your boyfriend knows about your escapades with Hange, but you make sure to return to him as impeccably as you arrived to them. Maybe it’s better this way. 

They scoff once again. You sound like a broken record at this point, and they are tired of believing you. 

“I will-”

“Yeah, you said that last time.”

You sigh, turning around to look where they stand behind you, with a shoulder pressed against the door. Supporting your body against the sink, your gaze falls to the ground. 

“I mean it. I’ll leave him. I don’t know when, or how, but I will.”

Hange sighs.

“Alright.” They turn to you, one last time before opening the door. “But you gotta do this for you, not for me.”

With that, Hange leaves you – you wonder if this is what they felt after the countless times you were the one to leave them.

[siren-of-agony]

Welcome Home

Masterpost This is a continuation of Mitra's story that I started in Whumpcember. You can read what happens before this here and here

CW: lady whump, claustrophobic imagery, short vomit-mention, knife-mention

________________________________

She woke up in total darkness, disoriented and unable to move. Even when she had regained her bearings enough to feel the rough wood pressing in around her, Mitra still couldn’t remember how she had ended up locked in a box too small to be comfortable. Through aching limbs and still hazy thoughts she tried to recall the last memories that led her here.

There was a smile that made her heart beat harder in her chest. Then, calmness. She remembered questions being asked, sounding as if they were coming through a thick fog. Her name, how old she was, where she came from, who’d miss her if she didn’t return soon. What she was good at. What she was doing here. Mitra had answered them all without hesitation. Then nothing, until this.

The wooden box pressed in around her, and she was sure there wasn’t enough air to sustain her. She could neither stretch out her legs completely nor pull them in, and she couldn’t move her arms up to try to push up the top, if not to open it, then at least to give her ribcage more room to move. Her breaths came quickly, short and with no depth to them. There was no oxygen coming to her lungs, she knew it. Her heart raced. Tears rolled down her face and trickled into her ears, dampening her hearing, and she couldn’t even wipe them away. She was vaguely aware she was shaking, but even so, the box shook around her to a different rhythm. She felt sick, and this sent up new panic up her spine. If she’d threw up, here, without being able to move-

Her thoughts were interrupted. Only now, as they seemed to have stopped did she realize what the rattling and rumbling around her had been. She must be on some kind of cart, they were driving, and now, they had stopped.

She heard hinges creaking, steps, then things around her lifted, carried out. Wood scraping over wood, right above her. There had been boxes over her. She was truly trapped.

Then, she felt herself move. What felt like her coffin got lifted, not quite gracefully. She tried to braze herself against the walls, unsuccessfully. Her head got hit against the hard wood more than once. 

She felt herself set down, and then the top started to lift. The light flooding in burned in her eyes, but she only allowed herself to keep them closed for a few seconds. She needed to know where she was, what was going on.

It was easier, looking up the second time, but that was also thanks to someone now leaning over her, blocking out the sun. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust, but then she recognized him.

The circus director was looking at her, the bored disinterest on his face not less terrifying than the smile she had remembered not long ago.

“Ah, good, she’s awake already,” he said to no one in particular. Then, he focused on someone Mitra couldn’t see. “Alba, help her up.”

Another figure came into view then, but her eyes had more problems adjusting this time. A dark shadow leaned over her and gripped her arms. She felt herself being pulled up. The strong hands almost hurt, but she was still glad for the stability they gave. Her legs prickled. They had fallen asleep and were in no condition to hold her up. Only when she was face to face with the woman did she recognize her, did her memory truly come back.

Mitra had been worried about a rude stranger, and somehow, that seemed to have landed her in big trouble.

She searched the face opposite her for answers, for help, for anything, but all she found was yet another disinterested expression. This one seemed less natural, though. The lips were pressed together in a straight line and the eyes were staring right through her. This mask of neutrality seemed hard fought for. 

Before Mitra could say anything, she felt herself being spun around. The other’s hands still gripped strongly around her biceps, and she wasn’t sure if they were supposed to help or just ensured she didn’t run away. She looked around for the first time, and realized there were other people. None of them looked in their direction. It seemed intentional, the way no one even acknowledged her existence. They seemed to be busy erecting the big circus tent, as well as a barrier around the camp. Through the gaps left, she looked out and saw a small town she didn’t recognize. She had no idea where she was. Even without the hands keeping her here, she wouldn’t even know where to run to.

Movement right in front of her brought her focus back. The circus director had stepped closer, and he was holding a small knife. He was smiling again, like a hunter who had just one of his traps had worked. Mitra took a step away from him, but felt her back hit the woman still holding her, who didn’t move at all. She couldn’t escape. 

The knife came towards her face, and she closed her eyes. At least she wouldn’t need to see. The cold metal touched her cheek, grazed over her tense jaw muscles. But it didn’t cut her skin. 

One quick move, next to her ear, a fast sound, and she felt his presence step away. She opened her eyes, just in time to see him put a lock of her hair into a small vial and store it away into his suit jacket. 

She was caught somewhere between fear and confusion. She could feel herself trying to ask what was going on, but the breath she had held escaped her lips as soon as she opened them to form words.

The man now looked behind her again. “I’ll have to make sure camp is set up correctly. You bring her to the free wagon. I’ll give her the tour tomorrow.”

With a last hungry look into Mitra’s direction, he turned around and walked away in the direction of the tent. Behind her, she felt the woman tense up, then relax slightly. Then, one hand dropped from her arm, and she was pulled by the other.

“Come on,” the woman - Alba, Mitra reminded herself - said, her tone still cold, hiding all emotion. 

Mitra finally found her own voice again, but all of her questions about what was going on, where they were, what was going to happen to her, went unanswered.

They ended up in front of a small wagon. Alba led her in, took the few steps up behind her, as if making sure Mitra wouldn’t run. She should have still tried, maybe.

Instead, she stepped into a cramped room, mostly taken up by storage. a thin cot in one corner was the only thing identifying this as living quarters.

She turned around. Alba was standing in the door frame, her dark silhouette blocking almost all the light. “Please-” Mitra stopped herself, unsure what she even wanted to ask for.

Alba said something in return, it was barely a whisper, but Mitra was still sure she had heard “I’m sorry.” Alba shook her head, and this time, her voice was louder, harder, cold. “I told you to leave. This is your own damn fault.”

Then, she turned around and closed the door. After a few seconds of quiet, she heard a lock click. Now, she was truly trapped.

She still ran to the door, trying to get it open, begging Alba not to go, to explain to her what was happening. But all she got as an answer were what sounded like two pairs of footsteps, walking away.

_____________________________________

Taglist: @i-can-even-burn-salad @suspicious-whumping-egg @winedark-whump @whumpawoman @yesthisiswhump @painful-pooch @whump-in-the-moonlight @dont-touch-my-soup (If you want to be taken off or included, please let me know!)

[humansofnewyork]

(11/54) Before our wedding Mitra’s father gave her one final piece of advice: ‘Never let a man enforce his opinions on you.’ And she took it to heart. She was my opposite. My antithesis. The hardest for me to convince. She would tell me I was too optimistic. She’d say that I only saw the best in things, whether that be people, Iran, or Shahnameh. After our marriage I finally convinced her to read it with me. We’d just moved to Germany so that I could attend university. Each night when I came home from class, she’d lay her head in my lap and I’d read her a chapter. It was my second time reading the book all the way through. My first time as an adult. As a boy I’d always been drawn to Rostam’s feats of strength: his taming of Rakhsh, his defeat of the demon king, his slaying of the dragon. But now I noticed something else. Rostam lived by a code. He would not serve an evil king. He would only serve his ideals. 𝘋𝘢𝘢𝘥. Justice. 𝘙𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪. Truth. And most of all, 𝘈𝘻𝘢𝘥𝘪. Freedom. Rostam would never sacrifice his freedom. The great champions of Shahnameh were more than warriors, they were vessels for our ideals. Even in the darkest times, even in the times of greatest danger, they lived by their code. I did my best to interest Mitra in certain parts. When I came to the story of the female knight Gordafarid, I quickened my pace. I filled my words with excitement: ‘The battle was nearly lost. Gordafarid’s commander had been captured on the battlefield. Her castle was completely surrounded by the enemy. Gordafarid tried to rally the men to fight, but none would join her. They wanted to stay behind the castle walls. They wanted to surrender. Gordafarid’s cheeks turned black with rage. She grabbed her bow and arrow, tied her hair beneath her helmet, and rode out to face the enemy alone. She stopped just short of the enemy lines, and like a lion she roared: 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴?’ In the heat of the story, I peeked down at Mitra to see if she was scared. But she’d fallen asleep.”

 پیش از ازدواجمان پدر میترا آخرین اندرز را به او داد: «هرگز اجازه نده مردی به تو زور بگوید.» و او آن درس را جانانه پذیرفته بود. و ما در تمام زندگی‌مان چنین بوده‌ایم. او همواره آنتی‌تِز من بوده است. نقطه‌ی مقابل من. سرسخت‌ترین کس برای متقاعد شدن. می‌گفت بیش از اندازه آرمانخواهم، بیش از اندازه ناآزموده و بیش از اندازه باورمند. می‌گفت که من همیشه بهترین‌ را در هر چیزی می‌بینم، چه مردم باشد، چه ایران و چه شاهنامه. پس از ازدواجمان سرانجام توانستم او را راضی کنم که همراه من شاهنامه بخواند. دوران دانشجویی را در آلمان زندگی می‌کردیم. و هر شب که از دانشگاه به خانه برمی‌گشتم، سرش را روی پاهایم می‌گذاشت و من بخشی از شاهنامه را برایش می‌خواندم. این دومین بار بود که شاهنامه را از آغاز تا پایان ‌خواندم. نخستین بار در بزرگسالی. در کودکی همواره شیفته‌ی نبردهای رستم بوده‌ام: رام کردن رخش، شکست دیوان، کشتن اژدهای پیدا و پنهان. ولی آن روز به نکته‌ی دیگری پی برده بودم. رستم برپایه‌ی یک قانون زندگی می‌کرد. او به پادشاه ستمگر خدمت نمی‌کرد. او‌ تنها به راه آرمان‌هایش می‌کوشید: داد، راستی و بالاتر از همه، آزادی برایش ارجمندترین بود. رستم هرگز از آزادی‌اش نمی‌گذشت. پهلوانان بزرگ شاهنامه فراتر از جنگجویانی نیرومند بودند. آنها نگهدارنده‌ی آرمان‌های‌مان بودند. حتا در تاریک‌ترین زمانها، حتا در بزرگترین خطرها، پیرو قانون پهلوانی خود بودند. من بیشترین تلاش خود را می‌کردم که میترا را دلبسته‌ی بخش‌های ویژه‌ای از شاهنامه کنم. هنگامی که به داستان گردآفرید رسیدم، شتابم را بیشتر کردم. واژ‌گان را با شور بیشتری خواندم. دژ سپید به محاصره‌ی دشمن درآمده بود، هجیر نگهبان دژ بود. به جنگ سهراب رفت و به کمند او گرفتار شد. هنگامی که گردآفرید آگاه شد، گونه‌هایش از شدت خشم به سیاهی گرایید: چنان ننگش آمد ز کار هجیر / که شد لاله‌رنگش به کردار قیر. پس تیر و کمان خود را برداشت. گیسوانش را به زیر کلاه خود گرد آورد، و یکه و تنها بر دشمن تاخت. به نزدیکی سپاه دشمن ایستاد و چون شیر غرید: به پیش سپاه اندر آمد چو گرد / چو رعد خروشان یکی ویله کرد / که گردان کدامند و جنگ‌آوران / دلیران و کارآزموده سران. در اوج داستان نگاهی زیرچشمی به میترا انداختم تا ببینم که آیا ترسیده است. او به خواب رفته بود

[sincerely-anascot]

He should have never let you go.

That day when he walked you down the altar—was it any different to sending you off to your demise?

Erwin received a missive from the Military Police in the early morning. Levi arrived at Mitras in record speed, his mare at the verge of collapse when he handed the reigns to the stable hand.

The mansion was huge, bigger than the former Survey Corps Headquarters. And while he thought such a gaudy thing never suited you he was at least comforted by the fact that you had all your needs met and more. Your marriage may have been a sham to support the regiment yet he swore that a man that openly proclaimed so much admiration for you would cherish you.

“You must be Captain Levi.” A man with a white cloth over his nose and mouth met him at the top of the stairs leading to the second story of the mansion.

Levi followed through the gilded corridor, the sound of footsteps barely eclipsing the sound of his rapidly beating heart.

The room was as lavish as the rest of the building; filled with furnitures and trinkets he would never be able to afford. At the center of it all was an expansive four-poster bed and on it was a memory that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Varying colors of bruises riddled your skin. Your once bright and eager eyes that seemed to wander to unseen lands stared up at him devoid of life. Cheeks sunken and limbs so thin, his mother may as well be lying before him again.

“There are signs of abuse that can be dated to weeks back. Starvation and dehydration played their parts too but ultimately, her death was due to blood loss from the multiple stabs wounds she sustained.” The medical examiner sounded too clinical for Levi’s liking.

It felt like torture almost—to hear about how much you suffered. So, he held the urge to punch the man in the nose because Levi thought he deserved the punishment.

“We tried to quickly operate on her upon her request but we couldn’t save the child either.”

A ringing began to grow in Levi’s ears. Bile started to gather up his throat. He could barely register the words ‘escape’, ‘fight’, and ‘self-defense’ coming from the medical examiner’s mouth but it was enough to form a gruesome story that had the captain spilling his guts at the foot of the bed.

The thought of you starting the family you always wanted and he could never give you was a balm that soothed his loneliness and bitter days.

He didn’t hear the doors closing as he was left alone to drown in his retch and vicious sobs.

Hours later, a maid silently slipped a tray carrying a jug of water, a glass, and a stringed, pile of letters beside where he knelt holding your hand at the side of the bed.

When he has exhausted himself from crying, Levi helped himself to the letters—all of them were addressed to him.

He opened the one dated on the day of your wedding. Not even half-way through he drops it on the floor and shakily stands up ignoring the numbness in his knees.

For the first time since he came into the room, he spots the bundle by your side.

He strides to the opposite side of the bed, legs heavy as if he was weaving through muck. Hand seasoned with battle trembling when he reached over to pull the fabric open.

The almost translucent skin doesn’t take away from the softness of the babe. If his fingers didn’t feel the coldness of the infant’s cheeks, he would’ve mistaken it to be peacefully asleep.

Fresh tears stained the swaddle as he lifted the unmoving bundle to his chest.

Levi whispered with deep regret and longing,

“Hello, son. Daddy’s here.”

[savethegrishaverse]

Here is the Transcript to the Questions Answered by Eric Heisserer!

Recently, we were very fortunate that Shadow and Bone showrunner Eric Heisserer agreed to answer some fan questions! Below is the transcript of the screenshots that have been previously shared—not an entirely new interview. The transcript in this format should be much more accessible and convenient, particularly for anyone using a screen reader.

To make it easier to read through Eric’s responses, we’ve nested his answers below coordinating questions.

Okay, taking these one at a time -- because some of these will have very long answers, and I may have to return at later intervals to answer them: (note: questions will be in bold)

"I'd like to know if there's a way to liberate the pre-written scripts if Netflix doesn't plan on using them" - Asked by Christian Thalmann, the creator of the Fjerdan language.

"There is a way to liberate the Crows scripts from Netflix, yes, and in fact that would be part of the buyout for another streamer when acquiring the rights to Leigh's novels. It would be a package deal."

"In my view, "The Crows" have the potential to revitalize the Grishaverse. Unlike "Shadow And Bone," this new show could rely less on elaborate visual effects and offer a fresh narrative angle. Heist-themed shows are currently in high demand, adding to its appeal. Am I mistaken in thinking that our focus should primarily be on "The Crows"? The likelihood of "Shadow And Bone" returning seems slim, but l've always believed that "The Crows" had a greater chance of success." - asked by fellow fan Joleen

The focus on the Crows is helpful in two ways -- first, those scripts are written, which lets us get a running start at production, and second, just from casual analysis of book sales, it's far more popular worldwide than other Grishaverse titles. So it will be a bigger draw for viewers.

The trap though is the cost. It's more grounded than S&B, sure, but the Ice Court is a unique location that either requires a really costly set build, or set extensions and VFX work to make it look authentic, which means nearly every shot of the heist once our crew gets there could be a VFX shot.

My guess is the budget would be on par with S2 of S&B.

"If/when the spinoff is back (finger crossed) was there anything he had planned that would completely surprised, for good reasons obviously, the audience. And we should hold our breath for that twist/turn?" - asked by fellow fan Rti

​​Yes, there is a surprise or two in the Crows spinoff season, but overall it's as close to the novel as we could make it. And Leigh's novel is such an amazing story with natural cliffhangers that work as episode "out" moments, etc. I think the biggest move we made was to feature every single Crow's backstory to go with their episode. So that was fun/sad/exciting.

"What was the difficulties you mentioned about filming Season 2 in that Reddit comment? Don't want to sound negative but what went wrong?!" - asked by fellow fan Mitra

S2 kept throwing challenges at us, and it started long before we got to production. Like months earlier, when we learned the location we used for the Little Palace in S1 was closed to us due to the pandemic. So right there we lost out on a ton of S&S scenes, because it wouldn't be a match. But we also had written a compelling side arc for Ivan and Fedyor in S2, these two Grisha trapped on either side of the civil war. Each of them played a big role in the story, but Simon (Ivan) had a feature film that overlapped with our schedule and couldn't move, which meant we lost him. So Daegan worked to revise the season keeping Fedyor and leaving Ivan as most likely dead from the end of S1. He was Kirigan's right-hand man for the season. But poor Julian caught COVID just when we were to shoot out most of his scenes, and after trying to make the schedule work, we had to come to the brutal truth that there wasn't a way to keep Fedyor in the story. Our only option was to bring him in at like episode 8, which would've been too little, too late.

COVID continued to be a monster all through production, requiring us to juggle schedules and miss out on days, and it was madness for the cast, who had to pivot with almost no notice whenever someone was ill and quarantined. This isn't unique to our show of course -- it happened with everyone. It's just a challenge.

Beyond that, we had been given the go to write a special standalone story, The Demon in the Wood. This would have been released on its own around Christmas, like a BBC special but for Netflix, and would help bridge seasons 1 and 2 by showing a little of what Kirigan was doing before we see him in 52, and also provide more character context, etc. Christina Strain wrote that and did great work adapting Leigh's short story. But it never went the distance.

There was a lot more to 52 as well, scenes and side stories and little interactions that were lost due to budget or time restrictions. Again, not unique to our show, but agonizing all the same, since what you get is not what we had written, or in some cases even shot.

I'm incredibly proud of the cast and the team, and Daegan did the heaviest lifting while I was off finishing the Crows writing room. But we had a lot more thrown at us.

"How long was the sizzle reel ready to go but he had to keep it secret?" - Asked by members of the Discord Team

That sizzle reel was put together about four months before the second season dropped.

"I would love to know his perspective on the impact of streaming on storytelling. Would we have had to launch a campaign like this 10-15 years ago for a show like this? What are the main pain points when it comes to streaming models & telling unique, diverse stories?" - asked by fellow fan Acorn_Bri

Streaming is a challenge to serialized storytelling in that it looks at 'content often with a different agenda and uses metrics that can take a creative issue and exacerbate it. Like in broadcast, if viewership and thus ad revenue has slightly declined, the show will need to find a way to make their 22 or 13 episodes on a proportionally smaller budget. What is not done is reduce episode order. But if a streaming series underperforms or doesn't meet expectations, and the streamer doesn't cancel it outright, the go-to budget reduction idea is to reduce episode order for the next season.

When you just have 8 episodes and continue to deal with notes to compress, pace up, or omit for what you'd scripted for a longer season, reducing further to six or four episodes is exhausting.

This happens due to a slide in autonomy from what the showrunner position had been. What the chatter on the picket lines revealed to us is that most showrunners today don't get to see their own show's budget, and thus don't get the freedom to make budgetary decisions that could better protect the story they're telling. More and more, showrunners not at a legacy network aren't the final say or at times even involved in hiring key roles. I don't have any ideas that aren't already in a contract language, I just see how the job on this side has gotten harder and there isn't much of a way for us to make it easier for each other like we could with having writers on set or in post production, because the streaming model has made that impossible.

—

Once again, we would like to give a big thank you to everyone who asked their questions, and an even BIGGER thank you to Eric Heisserer for answering them!

[srbachchan]

DAY 5404

Jalsa, Mumbai                Nov 30/Dec 1,  2022               Wed/Thu  12:51 PM

💛🪔 , December 1st .. birthday of Ef Shiladitya Mitra .. and Ef Ashok Mistry .. love and happiness .. ❤️❤️🌿 Ef Neer Sharma from the Dehradun of Chandigarh and his better half Neha Sharma .. their 11th weeding anniversary was on Nov 29 .. auspicious number 11 .. may you remain blessed in the auspiciousness of love and togetherness .. our greetings and wishes .. from the Ef .. 💐💕💍💒

“GHOOMER” .. the film .. the Abhishek Bachchan film .. the R Balki directed film .. the film extracts of which have given me a sense of great pride .. not just in the choice of the story but in the work of SON, Bhaiyu ..

Expressions and performing looks that I never saw before - and I am perceptive when it comes to Abhishek - and a story line that has prevailed upon me in such a unique way .. 

This is the pride of cinema ... the pride of a Father .. and the love of being in close proximity to the product  ..

I do not often talk about family professional rights wrongs achievements , but I will here .. because for far too long has talent been stifled , not allowed to blossom, not given recognition ..

I do believe it shall with GHOOMER .. and my prayers shall ever be with it ..

yes .. so I did a small walk on part in the film .. just a day .. and came away surprised and happy that the film shall be one that I could participate in my very small way ..

cannot reveal what the story is about .. cannot reveal what the one day appearance I did is about .. but can reveal one thing .. I have loved the idea of the film .. I have loved Abhishek in the film and loved all the others that have worked , albeit in a smaller capacity .. 

at times yes did some production work too on set .. cleaning the glass partition so the camera does not catch a fogged look  .. and what is wrong with that .. if one person can do that job for which 10 others have been kept, it makes economic sense and a lot more speed .. 

I gloat today in the essence of the film, Balki and Abhishek .. and my prayers for the cinema going audiences to come out and experience a change .. a film with heart ...

keep heart .. keep the plaint of them that put so much of them into the craft .. and understand the complexities of cinema and life ..

Amitabh Bachchan

[kentuckycaverats]

delphine tsuga fujinami and mitra harker

del is my thinblood pc and mitra is bandit.bones.dice's ravnos pc in an edinburgh by night chronicle. we're nearing the end of the chronicle and just finished up mitra's individual story arc, and i NEED to talk about them i NEED to

on paper del and mitra are polar opposites: he's an impulsive, charismatic, flamboyant partyboy who has ingratiated himself to both the camarilla and anarchs; she's standoffish, blunt, aloof, bloodthirsty, and wants no part in politics of any kind. but they're both broadly misunderstood--mitra gets a bad rap as a vapid, flaky hedonist and del is assumed to be callously self-serving.

they express it in drastically different ways, but at their cores they're both driven by the profound desire to protect the people they love, and they've seen more and more of this as the chronicle has progressed. they have enough common ground to understand one another but are different enough to temper the other's weaknesses--mitra has less than zero self esteem and del refuses to let him allow his partners to treat him like shit, and mitra drags her kicking and screaming into accepting that she can't do everything herself. he's the first one she tells about her namesake and her blood leech predator type, and she's the first to know about his precious mortal daughter.

and then!! there is ralfy.

ralfy is a brujah anarch and serial fuckup. can't stay out of his own way, botched the embrace of his only childe, constantly on the verge of a masquerade breach due to being a clueless dumbass. the anarchs aren't thrilled about claiming him and the cam sheriff is constantly waiting for an opportunity to ash him for good. ralfy is one of mitra's lovers, and while del knows he's not good enough for mitra she tolerates ralf for his sake.

when another of mitra's lovers--a crazy dangerous ministry independent--tries to coerce mitra into a blood bond, he asks ralfy to bind him instead and keep him safe. not long after, mitra is exposed to a ritual that turns him mortal again for one night only. at the end of the night he dies again, painfully, and goes to ralfy distraught asking for comfort. ralf wants to undergo the ritual himself. mitra reminds him that the bond makes it impossible for him to say no and begs ralfy not to ask him again. ralf asks again, mitra tells him, and leaves. when he tells del what's happened she shows up at ralfy's apartment to kick his ass and trash the place. she tells him he's going to apologize to mitra, then leave him alone until mitra decides he's ready to see ralf's worthless ass again. she tells him he'd better use this time to become the person mitra believes he is.

a few nights later, mitra feels the bond to ralfy snap. ralf's car (stolen) is found on the side of the road riddled with bullet holes and in flames. he tried to run, like a coward. attacker unclear.

mitra is distraught and del is pissed. she feels no remorse in the slightest.

only, ralfy isn't dead. he's been compromised by the sabbat and made the right hand of baali / methuselah petaniqua, who has been after del as a sacrificial lamb since del's mortal birth. petaniqua needs del's estranged fae soul, aelsidhe, to feed to a demon named foebok to fulfill an end times prophecy.

sabbat!ralfy pops up over and over again, causing soooo many problems for the coterie and the city. including but not limited to destroying mitra's club/the coterie's haven; working with del's abusive biological parents to create a horrifying fleshcrafted warehouse; and fully blowing up elysium. meanwhile, mitra's on a quest to earn a rare ravnos weapon crafted by the progenitor himself, and his trial is to either destroy or rescue ralfy. having been indirectly responsible for the deaths of 3 shitty exes already (ralf, driven away by del; ministry lover, killed on del's behest by a primogen; his sire, beheaded by del - all calls that mitra couldn't bring himself to make) mitra wants to save ralfy.

del haaaaaaaaaaaaaaates ralf. he abused her best friend. he's second in command to petaniqua, the monster responsible for every single awful thing that ever happened to her in life and death, who has tried to or succeeded in murdering everyone del has ever loved. he worked alongside her abusive bio parents. he's sabbat. and for some goddamned reason mitra sees something worth saving in him.

del will never forgive ralfy. she thinks he should've killed himself rather than bow to petaniqua's power. like she did. she thinks he's a spineless worm who lacks the desire or willpower to change. but mitra wants to save him, and she loves mitra more than she hates ralf.

so when the time comes, and ralf's pack is destroyed and he's been exorcised of the demon petaniqua bound to him, she cedes to mitra's wishes and lets ralf go. and it could only be for mitra--she loves the rest of the coterie too, but she wouldn't have been able to let ralfy walk even for them. only for him. even when petaniqua's last trick via ralfy was to disguise one of her minions as del's late mortal sister--the sister petaniqua herself had murdered by del's sire--she lets him go. she lets him go!!!!!!!!!! most spiteful vengeance-driven hatergirl lover of violence stands there and watches while her enemy walks himself into a fresh new life. do you get it yet do you understand

[aboutanancientenquiry]

"What were Herodotus’ thoughts on religion? Is there any sort of worship of him as a prominent spiritual figure?

Answer by Anthony Ellis

Herodotus was clearly fascinated by the discrepancies in how different people imagined and worshipped the gods. But he didn’t think of the world as divided into a series of separate and distinct ‘religions’. Instead, he took it for granted that, by and large, most societies worship the same gods but simply imagine them differently: each group of people has its own names for the gods, worships them using its own rites, depicts them differently in its icons and sculptures, and tells different stories about their birth, powers, and functions. So, in Herodotus’ view, it’s not the case that you have your gods and we have ours. Rather the god whom we (Greeks) know as ‘Aphrodite’ is also worshipped by the Arabians, who call her ‘Alilat’, and by the Assyrians, who call her ‘Mylitta’, and by the Persians, who call her ‘Mitra’ (see his comments at 1.131.3). This practice of theological ‘translation’, which equated the pantheons of different peoples, was not Herodotus’ own invention – it was part of a long tradition in the ancient Mediterranean and Near East.

If this tolerant attitude to what we would think of as ‘foreign religions’ seems unfamiliar, that’s in large part because the ‘Abrahamic faiths’ and the cultures which evolved out of them have historically understood religious difference in other ways. In the early Christian centuries, for instance, another model prevailed: that of ‘heresy’. Christian heresiologists contended that a primal ‘orthodoxy’ had always been known to God’s chosen people, but that it had been continuously assailed by ‘heresies’ which led the faithful into idolatry, producing a vast and sinister diversity of religious practice. Only over the last few centuries has it become common to think of humanity as being divided into a series of ‘world religions’ which exist on a level footing with one another and worship different and historically unrelated deities. Both of these approaches would have left Herodotus and his contemporaries scratching their heads.

For anyone wondering how so many different peoples came to worship the same gods, Herodotus has an explanation: knowledge of individual gods spread gradually from one people to another through mutual contact, typically flowing from older societies (like the Egyptians) to younger ones (like the Greeks; for an example, see 2.145-6). The first inhabitants of Greece, he says, thought of the gods as an undifferentiated group (known simply as ‘the gods’); but later they learned the Egyptian names for the gods and, once an oracle gave them permission, they began to use them. Remarkably, Herodotus claims that most of what makes Greek religion distinctive – including the gods’ cultic epithets, powers, and the stories of their births, marriages, and conflicts – was first formulated long after this by the great poets Hesiod and Homer, whom Herodotus dates at 400 years before his own day (2.50-3). Although Herodotus never makes explicit global criticisms of how the ‘Greeks’ imagine the gods, he clearly thought that some of what these poets said was untrue – for instance, that gods took mortal lovers and had semi-divine children (for his discussion of confused or foolish Greek ideas about the gods see, for instance, 2.43-5). Like many other Ionian and Athenian intellectuals, he probably doubted that the gods resemble humans in the way that traditional Greek epics and cult-depictions implied.

All this might suggest that Herodotus had a critical – perhaps even sceptical – view of religion. But most of this is based on what Herodotus writes in his more ‘anthropological’ moments. Herodotus’ Enquiries are extremely diverse and, when he embarks on more literary narratives, he writes about the gods in ways which would have been more familiar to Greek readers. Much as in Greek tragedy, his stories give prominence to gods, oracles, fate, prodigies, and other forms of divine intervention. He makes it clear that human life is wholly dependent on the good will of deities who are strict in their punishment of injustice – but who do not rule the world in a manner conducive to human flourishing. In fact, some of the work’s most prominent descriptions of the gods present them as hostile to humans, so jealous that they constantly disrupt mortal life and ensure that no human enjoys unlimited success, happiness, reputation, youth, or health (for example, see chapters 1.32-3, 3.40, 7.10ε, and 7.46). These passages have, quite rightly, led many to think that Herodotus had deep religious convictions.

The second part of this question took me by surprise, since I’d never thought of Herodotus being viewed as a religious or spiritual figure. In antiquity he had a very chequered reputation: although he was respected by many – dubbed the ‘father of history’ by Cicero and others – he was also criticized as a liar who intentionally spread mistruths and slander about the most glorious episodes of Greek history. On the rare occasions that his religious views came under scrutiny in antiquity and the Middle Ages, his descriptions of the gods as jealous and hostile towards humanity tended to be dismissed as blasphemy, by pagan philosophers and Christians alike (I discussed some examples here). Herodotus certainly achieved cult status among some historians, but few have claimed him as a source of spiritual guidance and none, to my knowledge, have actually worshipped him in a religious sense.

Ironically, the closest example might be Protestant humanism. As I’ve discussed elsewhere, the Lutheran reformer Philipp Melanchthon (1497-1560) claimed that Herodotus’ writing was part of God’s plan to provide humans with a continual record of world history. Melanchthon and his students argued that God inspired Herodotus to start his history at the point where the Old Testament finished, and declared that his writings provided a perfect illustration of the Ten Commandments. This isn’t actually so far from viewing Herodotus – or his writing – as a religious authority of some sort. But that has to be put in context. Melanchthon and others looked for overtly Christian interpretations of almost all of the ancient Greek ‘classics’, and their interest in what Herodotus thought about the gods extended only to cherry-picking ideas which supported their own opinions and ignoring the rest. Of course, they treated ancient Hebrew literature of the Bible in precisely the same way. So perhaps we could say that here Herodotus did come close to becoming some kind of ‘religious’ or ‘spiritual’ authority – though even these Protestant humanists would certainly have insisted that he was in a completely different class to Christian Scripture.

Further Reading:

Assmann, A. 1996. ‘Translating gods: Religion as a Factor of Cultural (Un)Translatability’, in S. Budick and W. Iser (eds), The Translatability of Cultures. Figurations of the Space Between. Stanford, 25-36.

Burkert, W. 1990. ‘Herodot als Historiker fremder Religionen’, in G. Nenci(ed.), Hérodote et les peuples non-grecs (Entretiens Hardt 35., Geneva, 1-32 (repr. in his Kleine Schriften VII: Tragica et Historica (ed. W. Rösler). Göttingen,140–16.

Ellis, B. A. 2015. ‘Herodotus magister vitae: or Herodotus and God in the Protestant Reformation’, in id. (ed.) God in History: Reading and Rewriting Herodotean Theology from Plutarch to the Renaissance, Histos Supplement 4. Newcastle upon Tyne, 171–245.

Ellis, B. A. 2021. ‘Religion, Herodotus’ views on’, in C. Baron (ed.) The Herodotus Encyclopedia (Malden, MA), 1228–1233.

von Lieven, A. 2013. ‘Translating Gods, Interpreting Gods. On the Mechanisms behind the Interpretatio Graeca of Egyptian Gods’, in I. Rutherford (ed.) Greco-Egyptian Interactions. Literature, Translation and Culture, 500 BCE – 300 CE. Oxford, 61-82.

Harrison, T. 2000. Divinity and History. The Religion of Herodotus. Oxford.

Scullion, S. 2006. ‘Herodotus and Greek Religion’, in C. Dewald and J. Marincola (eds), The Cambridge Companion to Herodotus. Cambridge, 192-208.

Schwab, A. 2020. Fremde Religionen in Herodots “Historien”. Religiöse Mehrdimensionalität bei Persern und Ägyptern. Stuttgart."

From the site of Herodotus Helpline.

Anthony Ellis, Institut für Klassische Philologie, University of Bern

[dyrewrites]

WiP Questionnaire

Brought to you by @theprissythumbelina (whose answers are far more interesting than mine)

I am tagging @starbuds-and-rosedust and @aziz-reads (because I don't think I've seen you guys do this one >.>)

--I have done this one for Before Deluca--

So I am answering with one of the others, that I need to get back to and revise for the tenth time, which is Weald and Wen

1. What is the first part of your WIP that you created?

The characters have been around since I was about eleven or twelve, so let's say they're the first part.

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

3. What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

Instead of my usual, "the sad pretty tree man" answer, I am giving you all of them. Because I do love all of them.

Delgrij, because he is a big, complex and tightly wound ball of sad.

Mitra, because she is a hard little ball of cheery insanity.

Faerai, because she is a tough ball of sad and angry with a gooey center of loneliness.

Parnamyr, because he is absolutely horrific and means every bit of awful he does but he loves as hard as he hurts.

4. What other pieces of media do you think your fan base would share?

I have no idea, I never know with this question. What are fans? If I get a single one I will love them forever.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

Finishing it to a publishable level. One might think the awful what happens in it (there is a lot) and that did hurt, and taught me things about myself, but no. The biggest struggle is considering it finished and ready to share with more than a handful of people.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

There are! Aside from the Fyrni, and the Auru, who are animal people of a type (and the Fyrni shadows which are very cat-like). There are critters about that get a little love, namely the olhm; which are essentially snails but more, more snail. Some are about cat-sized, and some are so big their shells are hollowed out so they can be used as transportation (do not fret, this is not painful for the olhm, they are quite happy being taxis).

There are also gnu, which are roughly dog-sized lizard-like things with two heads and no eyes and coated in poison. they are not nice, but maybe they could be if someone took the time to tame them. Skitters are another critter, but not so much an animal as a spider-like menace, they're roughly the size of an average human head, near-translucent in color and eyeless with big mandibles and too many super skinny legs. They are a bad thing to see large numbers, for where they gather mama isn't far behind and we don't want to meet mama.

But the best animal is Infae, who is a nuru. He is kind of like a bat, moth, cat...thing? He's albino, which is usual for the type of nuru he is (there are others but he's the only one with any attention paid to him). He is mostly blind, which is not usual for his species, but it is how he was born. He navigates using an impressive form of echolocation and his incredible sense of hearing and smell (he can smell emotions and intent and other things not important right now). Behavior-wise, he is a big sleepy boy who loves snuggles and maybe scares a bit too easy.

7. How do your characters get around? (Ex. Trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

Mostly on foot, but towards they end they ride on a Mover, which is a giant olhm that slimes down the face of the massive rock the forests the story takes place in grow from.

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

Waiting for beta feedback and trying to read it again on my own, to edit typos and whatnot.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe) of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

Maybe the found/forged family aspect? A lot of time is paid to the main characters and getting them together, so I would hope that.

10. What are your hopes for your WIP

That I can actually get it published and out there and at least one person buys it and enjoys it. As a side hope, that it breaks someone would be real fun...but I am a bit of a bastard so.

->blank below<-

1. What is the first part of your WIP that you created?

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

3. What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

4. What other pieces of media do you think your fan base would share?

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

7. How do your characters get around? (Ex. Trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe) of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

10. What are your hopes for your WIP?

[levis-coffeecup]

chapter 20| Through the Storm

WC-4.9k

Summary

The underground is filthy and dark. Dim lights, dull alleys, and desperate hearts. A place Levi knows as well as the back of his hand, and a place he would do anything to get out of.

Chapters of life roll by and with the turn of a page, things drastically change. In front of him is the opportunity to live on the surface. And the flimsy bridge that he has to cross. From an uncivil criminal to a disciplined soldier.

But life on the surface seems tougher amidst all the mockery, civilities, and the gaping hole left in his heart, after the demise of his dear friends Isabel and Farlan.

Content/Warnings

canon- compliant, canon-typical violence, spoilers for No Regrets OVA, descriptions of PTSD, grief, depression, heavy angst and themes, strong language, self-hate, physical assault.

Author’s Note

Hi guys!

It's been long. And I am incredibly sorry for promising to publish chapter by Sunday, yet doing that today. I feel incredibly guilty, like I've been taking everyone who reads this story for granted.

I've genuinely been quite busy. I have my college, my part time job and I also have to cook and clean for myself. And in all honesty, I've also lost my interest in completing this fic. So i have to push myself, rather than actually looking forward to writing it. But I'm not giving up on it yet, I've promised a few people that I will get it finished, and so I will.

@musumusuhasi a huge reason for one of the scenes in the chapter is because you told me Mae was always very cutesy, and never strong. I hope I've made that better, and if not please do let me know! (And if you don't read the fic anymore, then that's understandable too:)

Also since I've posted after a long time and if you've forgotten what happened in the previous chapter; here's a recap. Mae and Levi attend Ivan's wedding. Mr. Mendes is still mad at Mae and yells at her about Levi being a bad decision (ends up revealing that Levi is an underground thug.) Mae feels defeated because Levi didn't tell her this and starts losing faith in their relationship. She talks to Ivan, and Ivan comforts her, and lets her know that Levi still loves her, and their love for each other is pure.

Song for this chapter is I can't help falling in love with you.

Chapters

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Masterlist | Playlist | Other Works

JAN 847

The wind growls, as it blows harshly. The morning sunlight barely reaches the ground. 

In the stroke of a night, the rain has turned into snow. The first snow of Mitras, but it seems more like a storm. And Mae is not prepared at all.

Her fingertips have gone numb, and the ache in her head seems never ending. Her dress is wet from all the snowfall. And she shudders as she walks through the snow covered ground. 

It feels like death is close. Her entire body shivers, almost violently. But a certain fire inside her keeps her going, despite the odds.

The world seems abandoned, people stay cooped in the warmth of their houses. And pellets of snow hit her head, as she walks ahead. It’s been hours since she’s been on the road. And she swears she wants to cry tears of joy when she finally spots the two-storey building with the Military Police symbol painted on it.

Her pace fastens, and with the last of her energy she pushes past the gate.

And everyone at the police station looks up, as they see a young lady on their door. Drenched from head to toe, turning blue from all the cold.

“I-I h-have a missing c-complaint to file,” Mae speaks in between shudders, leaning against the doorframe, tired enough to collapse at the moment. 

And the officer in front gets up. He decides he doesn’t think too highly of her. For one it's way too risky walking out in the snow so underdressed. She could have died in some corner, and no one would have even noticed.

Nevertheless, he takes one of the coats hung on the wall and offers it to her. “Here, you’ll die in the cold if you dress up this way, miss.”

And Mae still shivers from the cold, But her eyes are resolute.

“Sir Ellias, “ she reads the badge attached to his shirt. “I have a missing complaint to file.”

And Ellias gawks back at her, sizing her up. 

He doesn’t understand what brings her here. Wearing no gloves and a light jacket in a fucking snowstorm. 

And so he wraps the coat around her trembling shoulders, and leads her towards his desk.

“Levi… his name is Levi.” Her voice comes out raw and vulnerable. 

Levi has disappeared. She has checked everywhere. He wasn’t in their hotel room. He wasn’t anywhere near the wedding location.  And he wasn’t even around all the popular tea shops in Mitras. 

His wallet lays on their hotel bed, long forgotten. And the suitcase, packed with half his clothes, remains untouched too.

It's been 8 hours since Mae’s talk with Ivan, and there is still no sight of Levi. She has waited for him the entire night, and now the snow on the ground is at least a foot high. 

It's too late… She worries something must have happened to him. 

A young lady places a tray of warm tea on the table. Its smell wafts through the air, and Mae’s eyes well up. The drink warms both her throat and her heart. 

She just hopes Levi is alright wherever he is.

“The name is Levi you said?” Elias reconfirms as he puts it down on paper.

 “Mhm,” she nods vigorously. “He is quite short but his build is strong. His skin is pale and his eyebags are really big and prominent. His hair is black and he works in the Survey Corps… He also has-”

Elias stops writing. Face morphing into one of confusion. ”Wait…” he cuts her off. “Are you talking about Humanity’s Strongest? Captain Levi? Or is this someone e-”

“Yes.” Mae answers, exasperated. “It's him, he’s gone missing.” 

Hope glimmers in her eyes. 

People know Levi, and she’s one step closer to finding him.

But disbelief settles in Elias’s. 

Slowly it shifts to mirth. A beat of silence passes by, and then a soft chuckle escapes his lips.

“What the hell, why are you laughing?” Mae scoffs, eyebrows scrunching in disapproval. ”This is a serious matter.” 

Her words only makes him laugh louder. It adds to Mae’s temper.

“EXCUSE ME.” She bangs her fist on the table and gets up. And even though exhaustion is heavy in her voice, her eyes burn bright red.

“Have you ever seen that guy? Is this some sort of a prank?.” He speaks in between laughs. “Even death would be scared of him.” 

“So you are telling me he couldn’t have been caught up in this snow storm and might need help?”

“He is fully capable of protecting himself… you’d know that if you’d met him.”

And Mae’s lips tremble as she remembers the last time she saw him.

He wasn’t even able to meet her gaze. He looked so vulnerable… Like a kitten left astray. 

“He’s not made of stone.” her voice comes out as a whimper.

“But he’s got a heart of stone,” Ellias rebuttals as he crumbles the missing form and tosses it towards the bin.” Humanity’s strongest can look after himself… There’s a reason why he’s Humanity’s Strongest…”

And Mae gapes. Her head throbs, with the texture of pain. Her body aches for a minute's rest. But somehow she finds the energy to create a scene.

And she leans forward towards Elias, with her hands placed on the table and her arms stretched straight

“EXCUSE ME…” she sneers. “I’m here to file a missing complaint and it's your duty to look into it. Instead you’re telling me that I’m lying... Just because you’re a lazy bum who can’t get himself to work… people like yo-”

The door is yanked open with a bang, Mae flinches and Elias looks towards it. 

Out comes a tall - middle-aged man, wearing a large black overcoat and a… bowler hat even though he’s indoors.

His jet black hair is gelled to the black. And his face sports a pronounced scowl. “OI!” He calls out. “What’s all this ruckus this early in the morning?”

The atmosphere suddenly changes, and Ellias straightens himself. Slightly scared.

“Sir…” his voice trails off, a lump forming in his throat. 

“I have a missing complaint to file, I’m afraid it’s not being taken seriously.” Mae beats him to it, as she pushes her chair back..

“He doesn’t work in that department,” Ellias pokes in, but Mae moves ahead regardless

And Kenny smirks in glee at the sight of her. 

Missing complaints are not something he concerns himself with. He’s here to work for the King,, not to solve some minor civil problems and save some damsel in distress. 

But he’s bored, and she’s a wreck. It will be good entertainment. 

 “Sir… Captain Levi has been missing for the past 8 hours, and we all know how harsh the snow storm is.” Mae explains , hoping she receives the help she’s here for her.

And Kenny’s eyes blow wide, more with concern than surprise. 

Captain Levi. The title sounds pleasant to his ears. 

Now he can’t help but stay.

“See, I told you she is crazy” Elias sputters to cover up. “I think the cold has gotten to her head or something… which maniac walks out in the cold like that.” 

“THE COLD HAS NOT GOTTEN TO MY HEAD.” Mae’s eyes flash dangerously at Elias, and she shifts her attention towards Kenny. Deeming him more competent.

But Kenny only lets out a snicker. “He’s strong, he can take care of himself very well.” 

I’ve made sure of it. He wants to add. But some things are better left unsaid.

“AND HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? YOU DON’T KNOW HIM? HAVE YOU EVER EVEN MET HIM?” She yells, absolutely appalled at the insensitivity of these men.

And Kenny takes a step towards her too, towering a foot above her. His nostrils flare in anger, and he glares at her, his aura almost threatening. Not a lot of people have had the audacity to speak to him in such a way. “Who are you to him?” he seethes through clenched teeth.

But Mae doesn’t back away either. 

“I’m his lover.” she spills out, without an ounce of hesitance.

Sheer surprise flashes in Kenny’s eyes for a second. Slowly it fades and the creases under his eyes melt into that of laughter. “Aah, that runt grew up finally.” he chortles

And Mae looks at him, appalled and disgusted. “And who are you to him?” She counters . Half in mockery. Half in contempt. He doesn’t even wear a badge that tells his name. She’d be surprised if she’d find even one reliable officer in this damned place.

And Kenny falls silent for a millisecond, face conflicted.

“….Nothing.” He lets out a weak laugh. “Just go back home, you’ll find him there.”

And then he takes a step back in resignation. A little emotional, a little exhausted. “Take good care of him.” he mutters under his breath, before he coops back into his cabin.

—--------------------------------------------

A heavy sigh falls from Levi’s lips as he steps into the premises of the Survey Corps headquarters. The midnight moon shines over.  And the stone walls embrace him, it's cold grays have never seemed so inviting.

It’s been an entire day on horseback. Nevertheless he should be grateful the stable manager at Mitras recognised him, and rented him a horse, free of cost.

And as glad as he is to be here, there’s also a  heaviness in his heart that he can’t shake off. 

It's the kind of pain that only Mae is capable of causing.

She isn’t next to him. 

He left without a thought. Running away from the haunting unhappiness in her eyes. And now he’s left with only his feelings to keep him company. Cold and empty.

He wonders if the marriage went out as planned? Were the celebrations as grand as the decorations? And was the buffet as large as they were setting it up to be? 

Most of all he wonders if Mae is okay? He wonders, if just like Kenny, that was the last time he saw her as well?

Memories of yesterday trickle into his mind. The disappointment in her eyes, and the complaints in her mind. And he sighs, exhausted. Wondering if the heaviness in his chest will alleviate.

He needs tea, he tells himself.

The torches on the walls flicker, dimmed by the constant breeze. Winter is just around the corner and darkness engulfs the hallways. 

And Levi relaxes a tad bit. Finding solace in his darkness, it’s what is familiar to him. 

He rounds the corner and enters the kitchen. Sadly for him, a familiar brunette is already seated on the dining table next to the kitchen.

Hange. His features twist into a scowl.

They are the worst person he could possibly find at this time.

And Hange swivels as the sound of his footsteps reaches their ear.

“Levi!” They exclaim. “You’re back early.”

And Levi looks at them coldly, completely ignoring their existence.

He was so close to sulking. But now he looks emotionless again. It's like something has shifted in his head. And now the person next to him will only face his anger, never his sadness.

He makes his way to the kettle. And he prays that Hange stays put in their chair.

But Hange is relentless as usual. Hyperactive, and curious. They spring up from their seat and follow Levi into the open kitchen. Ready with their barrage of questions.

“So how was the wedding?” Where is Mae?” It's probably the dim candlelights that impairs them from seeing the scowl on Levi’s face. A few moments more and he will snap. Hopefully in a tame way.

“Don’t tell me you dropped her back home, this late at night?” They wiggle their brows suggestively, as they linger behind him. Watching him boil the water from over his shoulder.

And Levi doesn’t even turn to look back at them, as he puts his hand on their shoulder and pushes them backwards. “Fuck off, “ he threatens

Hange’s lips part. Usually with Levi, they can never tell when he’s mad, because he always looks mad. But tonight, the anger in his voice is primal. 

And they can only head back to the table, and shove their head back into their research books. Looking over occasionally to give Levi a onceover.

He looks at the pot of boiling water a little too hard. His jaw is clenched tight, and his footsteps are a little too loud.

His hands shuffle through the cabinets. Banging the shelf doors shut. And Hange doesn’t understand how Levi doesn’t recall the spot he’s specifically designated to his beloved tea. None of the other Survey Corps seniors are even allowed to touch it.

Frustration fills him up, and he curses, rather loudly.

And the Levi in front of Hange, is completely unlike the Levi they’ve always known. 

The Levi in front of them is messy and unorganized. Grabbing a hot vessel bare hand, and then hissing at the burn.

The flipping of their pages stops, and all they see in front of them is a problem to be solved.

There’s an obvious tension in the air that drowns in all the quiet. And Levi finds himself falling into the endless pit of sadness inside of him, again.

He tries to forget the disappointment that he saw in her eyes. He tries to forget the things that Mr.Mendes said about him, harsh but so true, they still make his heart hurt. But its all too recent, all too fresh in his memory.

Mae was close to crying back then, he could tell by the way her lips shuddered. 

He doesn’t understand why he still feels so sad. After all he knew that things between them were bound to end. He doesn’t understand why he always gets his hopes up, when he has a habit of losing people left and right.

And he doesn’t understand why he sits on the same table as Hange, taking the farthest chair from them. When he can easily take his tea to his quarters.

Maybe it's the fact that he’s been left alone again. And being in the vicinity of someone, even if it's someone as annoying as Hange, seems comforting. 

Even if that comfort is temporary.

He’s so much of a disappointment.

Sometimes he wonders why Erwin and Hange keep up with him?

It's probably because of his strength.

The smell of tea floats through the air, but Levi doesn’t touch it. 

And Hange notices. “I can’t wait for the day when you’ll marry Mae as well.” They chirp out of nowhere. Hoping to make him feel better.

And Levi does manage to throw one of the harshest stares at them, before he winces.

“She found out.” The words slip out of his mouth. Accidently, perhaps. It's one of the rare times where his emotions run so wild, they can’t help but take charge.  

“She found out what?” Hange repeats. Their ears practically flying over. 

Slowly they shift to the chair next to him.

And Levi sits rigid, holding his head where it hurts, it feels like the walls in his brain are caving in.

And yet, he fights. 

He fights Hange’s company. 

He fights his needs, his desires.

He fights himself. Adding fuel to his own struggle. 

It’s what he has done his entire life.

It has left him worn out. 

To the point where he doesn’t have the strength to resist anymore. 

The walls around his heart are slowly crumbling down.

He’s lost her. His world feels dark. 

“She found out that I’m an underground thug.” His voice comes out weak… barely above a whisper. The position life has put him in is hard to believe. Because here he sits, opening up to Hange of all people.

Kenny would disapprove so much of the emotional bastard he still is. Losing hope by a mere person leaving him behind. 

But he does it for Mae, he tells himself. 

And Hange’s eyes widen, surprised that Mae didn’t already know about this. It's abnormal, and unhealthy. They were pretty sure Mae was the person he was closest to. 

A silence spreads, its claws fatal. 

Levi takes Hange’s silence for judgment, and decides to go back into his invulnerable shell. “Doesn’t matter, things were going to end anyways,” he mutters coldly, and then he loudly slurps his tea.

And Hange still sits in shock. She found out, his words echo in their head. Which means he didn’t even tell her himself.  “LEVI!,” They urge, breaking out of their stupor  “Till when were you going to keep this hidden from her!”

Forever if possible he thinks to himself. He can always keep a few parts of him hidden.

And his silence tells. 

“You weren’t planning to tell her, were you?” They question, but they know it's true. 

The quake of his heel never fades , and his shoulders still slouch. They’ve never seen him look so defeated. He’s too afraid of disappointing. He’s too afraid of being abandoned. And he’s too afraid to voice out that he didn’t want Mae to know, because he was afraid she’d leave him.

“Why would you not tell her Levi….? Hange racks through the potential possibilities. “Was it because you were treated harshly by the soldiers when you first came in….”

Everything comes off as a surprise to them. They could have never guessed that all the taunts thrown his way were something that bothered him. Not by the look on his face anyway. Guess he’s a little more sensitive than they had anticipated.

“You were discriminated against in the Survey Corps, because it's the military and rules are important here. You broke the order, you broke the regulations so obviously people didn’t like it. Also your first impression was HORRIBLE…And just because everyone in the military condemned you, doesn’t mean Mae will too… You can’t pretend to be someone else and hide parts of yourself from someone who is in a sense your life partner Levi?” 

There is a stiffness in the air that constricts. And Levi feels like he’s being put on the spot, when he’s caught vulnerable. He feels angry, he wants to yell, he wants to push Hange away… or maybe– or maybe he’s just scared.

And he sits there forcing his eyes shut as Hange’s words sink in. He’s repeated this mistake before, fitting himself into the likes and standards of Kenny, just to please him. So much so that sometimes he doesn’t even recognise the softer, more emotional parts of him.

“To love, means to accept the person for what they are…” Hange places an arm on his shoulder, and he looks at them, his gaze tender. “And if she doesn’t… then good for you. At least you know she wasn’t the one.” 

And Levi does find Hange’s thoughts beautiful. But he also knows that no one will go to such lengths for him. He knows that he’ll be abandoned by the Survey Corps as well, if one day he wakes up weak.

He tears his gaze away from them. Knowing that if he looks too long, Hange will see through all his imperfections. 

They have a habit of not keeping their nose in everyone’s shit anyways.

But Hange’s mind is already working at a speed that he should be afraid of. And they almost jump from their chair, as a realization strikes. “This is the problem isn’t it Levi!... The thought that she might leave you…. You ignored her because you knew she was bound to leave you or be disappointed in you in some way... You thought she was better off with Ivan, then you taking the pain of losing her.” 

Levi’s eyes widen. They are threateningly close to knowing him.

“HOW DO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?”, he seethes as he grits his teeth. Half embarrassed that Hange knows about his pitiful behavior with Mae when Ivan was here.

“I… I  have assumptions,” they gulp. Fearful for once

The clock ticks, and slowly his features soften “Mae told you everything, didn’t she?” he sighs, as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Well but I’m always open to hear your perspective as well.’

“Oh fuck off Hange.” He sneers as he gulps his tea down, and pushes the cup to the side.

He feels horrible, so out of character, and vulnerable. But he doesn’t feel unsafe. 

And he has a shit ton of problems that he knows he can’t solve by himself. Especially when it comes to Mae. 

And what's the point hesitating now, when his pride has already been tossed into the bin.

“I don’t know how to keep her Happy Hange… It's not the same anymore, she’s unhappier, doesn’t talk with me too much.” He looks down, his voice somber.

“Says you Levi… the person she used to smile just at the sight of?” Hange’s voice is soft, their eyes full of genuine concern.

And despite his uneasiness with discussing his personal life out loud, and getting his behavioral patterns dissected by none other than Hange, he settles into his chair.

The night is long and Hange seems welcoming,

—--------------------------------------------

Heavy gray clouds conceal the midnight sky. The rains are relentless, boisterous with thunder. And fog wraps around the tall trees like a blanket.

The winds blow fast, Levi can hear it rattle against the glass windows.

His quarters are warm though, fire crackles in the hearth, casting an orange tint. And his cloak  is leisurely draped over his shoulders. 

Scented candles are lined up on his window sill. 

And lavender tea he brewed for himself has now run cold. Halfway finished

It's something Mae made him do, when sleeping was becoming difficult.

She crafted a whole ass routine for him, to help him relax and sleep longer.  

He drums his fingers on the table, sitting idle, Frustrated that he’s done with all his paperwork.

It feels so damn lonely. Like those days, when she’d quit her job from the Survey Corp and he was haunted with thoughts of her..

The sound of thunder fills up the space.

The temperature has dropped all of a sudden. Surely it must be snowing in the interior. And Levi feels guilty for leaving Mae behind so thoughtlessly. 

None of them were prepared for snow. 

Another round of thunder reverberates around. Lightning strikes and Levi shivers. The night is uncannily similar to the night when he lost Farlan and Isabel.

Just another testament of how he is not made for happy endings. 

And he can only watch as every second painfully passes away.

Tick-tock, tick-tock

The fire cackles

Tick-tock, tick-tock

The wind  whistles.

Tick-tock, tick-tock

The lightning feels blinding.

Tick-tock, tick-tock

A distant sound adds to the mix. It's rushed and heavy, pounding closer to his gates.

And Levi is pulled out of his reverie, as then the door barges open

In front of him stands Mae, with her hair partially drenched, and her dress splattered with mud. 

The closed umbrella in her hand, makes a pool of water on the floor. Dripping wet.

His eyes widen. 

And so do hers. 

“Levi,” his name slips past her lips. And for once she didn't overthink. The umbrella in her hand drops to the floor, and the door behind shuts close, as she leaves everything behind and darts towards him. 

She doesn’t hesitate, as she sits on his lap, and throws her arms around his frame. Surrendering to the intensity of emotions in her heart..

Levi's body tenses at instinct. His heartbeat picks up the pace and the butterflies in his stomach come alive once again.

It's just been 4 days, but he’s missed her so damn much. For a moment he wonders if he’s still daydreaming

And it's only when he feels her shivering against his chest, that he gives in. “Y-you’r-re c-cold,” he stutters, as he wraps his cloak around her. His hands splay over her back, rubbing it to warm her up quickly.

And she too, huddles closer to his warmth. The sound of his low baritone, brings her so much comfort, and she shuts her eyes close, to pause this moment. 

Their breaths mingle, hearts beating in sync, together. 

In this moment they are so vulnerable. 

She cries, into his chest. And he’s made sure that nothing in his life is important enough to make him cry. But for god's sake does his heart sob with joy. 

He looks at the messy trail of mud her shoes have left behind. And her fingernails that are dirty with grime. He looks at her shuddering shoulders and her hair, wet and cold. 

She’s traveled through the storm for him.

She’s come back to him. Despite everything

And he doesn’t know what the future holds for them, or even if she'll be alive the next day. But he does know that no matter how cruel and brutal this world gets, his heart will forever be labeled hers.

Her hands leave his chest, before they slowly come up to his cheeks. She cups his face, as she pulls back and looks at him. Silence stretches between them. Or maybe it's the pause one takes to admire something beautiful.

And fresh tears fill up her eyes as she strokes his cheek.“Why do you make me worry so much? Couldn’t you have told me that you were leaving? I-I was so scared something happened to you.”

His knees feel weak at the thought. Like he’ll shatter to the ground, if not for her holding him so close.

And his breath shudders, sodden with emotions. “I-I’m s-sorry.” he gulps. Voice heavy with guilt. “I-I thought you would be u-upset. Wouldn’t w-want to n-near me anymore.”

“I would have wanted to hear about your past from you. I was more disappointed in the fact that you didn’t tell me, when everyone else knew about it... I am your lover Levi… I consider you my better half, then why is it that I know so little about you?”

In her questions, Levi feels a kind of reassurance. Perhaps it's the fact that she’s still making an effort to stay with him.

It's a feeling he can't put into words.

As if his sun-burned body has finally found the cooling shade of a tree.

As if his directionless quest has finally found a destination.

There is such a prickle in this moment, and the way she holds him, tightly, yet with gentleness. It makes him question all the nasty thoughts he has had about himself.

Because he was convinced that he was way too crooked for anyone to find any beauty in him. And yet she dares to sit on his lap, so close to him. Cradling him as if he’s something precious. 

Words fail him. And he can’t help but think if he could just kiss her, and pour all his love into it. If he could kiss her and express all that his speech never could. They all seem so beautiful in the romance novels he reads.

If only he could kiss her and not succumb to his overthinking head.

And so he brings her hand closer to lips. His heart hammers, almost violently in his chest. And his hand shudders with nervousness. Yet he dares to take her knuckles and kiss it. 

Hoping it conveys everything he can’t spout out loud.

That he’ll fight for her. Even if it's parts of himself that he’s up against. “I;m s-sorry…I’m s-sorry, I thought you’d h-hate me”

And Mae smiles as she looks at him. The first genuine smile she’s given him in months. “We’ve got to work on a lot of things to make this work,” Her words are blunt, but the way she delivers them is so gentle.

And Levi blinks up at her. Grateful that she has not given up on him yet. “We do…” he hums.

There’s fear in both of their eyes. The fear of messing up. The fear of losing one another. So many things still remain unexpressed. So many fears, desires, wishes. If only they were given a voice. Both Levi and Mae would know that their love for each other is boundless.

“You promise you’ll tell me everything and we’ll talk about us tomorrow?” Mae says as she tries getting out of his lap. Desperate in need of a shower

Surprisingly, his grip around her waist tightens. He holds her there, listening to the sound of her breath. 

And despite the wreck Mae is, she finally feels so wanted. The butterflies in her stomach tumble. And she can barely contain her happiness.

“I will… “Levi presses a kiss on her forehead. “Now go take a shower, I’ll set up the bed for you.”

“Will you sleep on the bed, next to me?” she asks on her way to the shower.

And Levi never sleeps on the bed.

Because Levi lives every moment with the unsurety of whether he’ll make it to the next. He lives every moment considering the possibility that the titans might break in.

Yet now as he looks into her warm brown eyes, he can’t help but wonder if for one night he just lets loose.

The worst thing that could happen is that the titans breach the wall, and he ends up dying with her.

Indeed that sounds like a soft epilogue. To die in each other’s arms, to not die alone. 

Everyone comes to this world on their own, and they die on their own, because inherently everyone is alone. And yet to hold on to each other, as they take their last breaths. To have a moment of bliss before death separates them.

“Levi!” Mae prods again. A brow raised in question. “Will you sleep on the bed with me?”

And his lips quirk up a tiny bit, as he timidly nods a yes.

[lucacangettathisass]

I'LL FOLLOW YOU (INTO THE DARK)

SUMMARY: You grew up in the capital, kept far away from the dangers that lurked outside the walls. But after the fall of Shiganshina, you've been plagued by thoughts of titans and suffering and the blood of your fellow man.

So, you decided to do something about it.

Getting out of the city was the easy part. Proving yourself to everyone, including Shadis, is the hard part. But it looks like you've made a friend, the son of your former doctor; Eren Yeager.

He's driven, and possess a pull that's almost irresistible.

Or maybe that's just you.

FEATURING: It's My Fanfic So I Get To Decide What's Canon, my own thoughts on titans and additions to that aspect of the story (it's vague for a reason), references to Christian and Jewish thought/beliefs/philosophy (look I went to Catholic school and I've been considering converting so that shit has been Marinating), Grisha Yeager Is A Complicated Man, my pro snake agenda (THEY'RE JUST CURVY WIGGLY GUYS LEAVE THEM ALONE), awkward teens, class differences, shitty parents, loss of parents, Mothers, protective Mikasa (DON’T WORRY I'M NICE TO HER IN THIS), dorky eren (MY NUMBER ONE AGENDA), Problematic Relationships (further down the line, and it's more of a Tease than anything)

WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Death, illness, implied murder, implied abuse

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Who can spot all the references? What do you think they mean, if anything?

TAGLIST: @blckbrdlove

CHAPTER ONE

You had never truly thought of your home as any kind of friend or ally. At best, it was just another set of walls, separating you from everyone else in the city of Mitras. At worst, it was a casket, the final resting place of your beloved mother. The only source of comfort it offered you was the garden, which had been walled off, along with you and the rest of the east wing, from the rest of the estate ever since your mother's death all those years ago.

After all, your father's new wife shouldn't be forced to remember that someone else had been there first. That was also why you had been shunted off, abandoned and left in the care of the few members of staff who knew of your existence. Your father had a new wife who gave him not one, but two sons. What use did he have for you now?

On the bright side, this meant that fewer eyes were on you, so you were free to execute your plan. It was simple, pack some necessities, and use your natural abilities to be silent and light on your feet to slip out before anyone could notice.

"My lady, it's time for-"

You turned around, just as you were finishing up packing your bag, locking eyes with Rafael, your father's valet, and the head of the household staff.

The two of you stared at each other, and you watched his brow furrow, his dark eyes darting from you to your bag and back again. "My lady, what are you doing?"

You looked over Rafael, wondering just how much you should tell him. But lying had never been something you enjoyed, and you figured that if nothing else, Rafael deserved honesty. After all, he was the one that fulfilled the duties of a father when your own didn't want to.

"I'm leaving." You said. "I'm going to join the military. And I'm going to kill titans."

You had never been the best at reading people's faces, but even you could tell that Rafael was filled with despair. You supposed that you would be too, had he told you the same thing.

"Y/N are you insane?!" It was the first he had ever raised his voice at you, and the second that he called you by your name. "Why would you want to do that?! You're safe here!"

"And other people aren't." You replied, genuinely surprised at the level of emotion Rafael was showing. "How is it fair that other people suffer and lose everything while I get to live in safety?"

"I don't know, but that's just how the world is." Rafael said, as if you should be satisfied with that answer. He should know you better than that.

"Well I'm still going." You closed your bag and tried to leave your room, but Rafael refused to move, standing in front of the door, rooted to the ground.

"My lady, I'm not going to let you throw your life away!" Rafael grabbed your shoulders, gripping them tight. "I promised your mother I would watch over you and I intend to do so."

That gave you pause. You often wondered how Rafael felt about your mother. When she fell ill, the ones who were by her side the most were you and him. Whenever Dr Yeager came to see her, Rafael was the one who would take note of what he said and go off to get the medicine he had prescribed. The day she passed was the first time you had seen him cry.

Judging by his face now, today may bring the second.

"I'm sure she would understand." You said.

"You're safer here." Rafael insisted, sounding desperate.

"Am I?"

Your question was left hanging, the tension growing.

Rafael's left eye twitched, and his jaw clenched. He only ever did those things when he's trying to hide something. "What do you mean?"

"My mother was perfectly healthy." You said. "She got plenty of sunshine in the garden, almost everything she ate, she grew herself. She rode horses, she danced, she did everything. And then, one day, she's bedridden. Can barely move. How does that happen?"

The silence is heavy, and it seems to be doing Rafael no favours.

"Then, within a month of her dying, my father finds a new wife." You kept your gaze on Rafael, taking note of how he refuses to lift his gaze from the ground. "My father had the greatest access to my mother. They spent plenty of time together, just the two of them. Who knows what happened during those times."

"My lady, you shouldn't think such things." Rafael was trying to scold you, but his conviction was weak. "It isn't good."

"In what way?" You asked, genuinely wondering what he could mean. "Ever since his new wife arrived, I've been quarantined to this wing of the estate. How long until my father decides that doing so is too much work?"

You swallowed. It was something you had thought about a lot lately, but saying it out loud felt different. Like it was real.

The silence returned, and it looked like Rafael was desperate to break it, but he couldn't bring himself to speak.

"When I die, I want it to be on my own terms." You said finally. "If it's in the mouth of a titan, then so be it. Better that than at the whims of someone else."

There. You had said your piece. Now you just need to wait and see how Rafael will react.

"The way you're talking…" His voice was soft, but since it was just the two of you, it was easy to hear him. "It sounds like you want to join the survey corps…"

"That's right." You nodded. "They get to leave the walls. They see the titans before the rest of us. If I was with them, if they had more people, maybe what happened at Wall Maria and Shiganshina wouldn't happen again."

Rafael furrowed his brow, looking confused. "Shiganshina?"

"It was where Dr Yeager lived, remember?"

Realization dawned on Rafael. "I…I had forgotten." He sounded mournful, and almost guilty. "You were always fond of him."

It was true. Dr Yeager has always been kind to you. Even before your mother fell ill, he saw you frequently, and had tried to unravel the mystery that was your mind and how it functioned. Just about everyone else around you insisted that something had to be wrong with you, that the way you saw things, the way you acted, the way you thought, simply wasn't normal. That you were as strange and uncanny and abnormal as the titans. The only ones that didn't see you like that were, of course, your mother, and, to your surprise at the time, Dr Yeager. He had told you himself that there was nothing wrong with you, that while, yes, the way your brain worked was different from most people, it wasn't a bad thing. Adjustments may need to be made and techniques will need to be learned on your part to be able to cope in a world stacked against you, but that wasn't your fault. You weren't broken.

Your pillow had almost gotten soaked from the tears of joy you had wept into it that night.

After hearing about the fall of Maria, and the destruction of Shiganshina, you had held out hope that he and his family had survived somehow, had made it into Wall Rose as refugees. Perhaps even the interior, considering all the work he had done there. But when no word came, you gave up.

It felt like you had lost a family member.

That man had saved you and tried to save your mother. The least you could do was kill the things that killed him and his family and destroyed his home, or die trying.

"No one could've predicted what happened at Wall Maria." Rafael said gently. "The Armoured and Colossal Titans…we've never seen anything like them. No number of scouts could've stopped them."

"But they could've sent word. Warned others, giving people time to evacuate." Maybe if they had, the Yeager family would've lived.

"I'm not going to change your mind, am I?" Rafael said it like a question, but both of you knew it was a statement of fact. He sighed heavily, and there was a look in his eyes that you couldn't recognize. That surprised you.

Slowly, he stepped aside, leaving the door free for you to reach. "I'll tell your father you ran away, but I won't tell him where." Rafael promised. "I just have one request."

"Anything." After everything he's done for you, he's more than earned whatever request he's about to make.

"In the military, use your mother's maiden name." Rafael looked and sounded serious, more serious than you had ever seen him, which was saying something. In fact, he sounded borderline desperate. "Please."

You waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't. Usually this would make you reluctant to do what's asked of you, but since it's Rafael and you already promised, you nodded. "OK."

You picked up your bag, slinging it onto your back. "I'll find my way."

"I know you will, my lady." He opened the door for you, and when you walked past, he bowed, like it was any other day. "I've been truly blessed to watch you grow." He said, his voice cracking a little.

That gave you pause. Until that very moment, it never occurred to you just how much your departure would affect Rafael, or anyone else who still remained in your life. Would they all weep too?

"Thank you Rafael." And you put your hand on his shoulder. You couldn't think of anything else to do.

Even with a full backpack you moved through the halls and down the stairs like a ghost, like the wind through trees. Ever since you were a small child, you had a talent for remaining silent and unseen. Your every movement went unnoticed, like a snake in the tall grass.

You would make a game of it whenever you were bored, seeing how many times you could sneak up on others and scare them. You stopped counting after two hundred. It had stopped being fun by then.

But now it wasn't about fun, it was about necessity. While Rafael visited your wing of the estate the most, there were still a select few who were permitted entry into it, and if any of them caught you, it could complicate matters.

You kept an ear out for them, while keeping yourself to the shadows and corners, obscuring yourself as much as possible, before you made it to your destination.

The door to the garden.

Initially, when your father had walled it off, you thought it was part of his grieving process. You knew better now. On the plus side, you still had access to it, were one of the few to have access to it in fact. It had helped keep you sane during those lonelier days.

You had done your best to tend to it, to keep it as lush and thriving as it had been before. But while it had been your mother's passion project, she still had plenty of help. You had no such luxury, having only Rafael and two other maids to assist you, none of which shared your or your mother's penchant and passion for gardening, so some of it had naturally fallen into disrepair, despite your best efforts.

But the one thing that had retained the glory it enjoyed under your mother's care was the apple tree.

It stood tall and proud, creating enough shade for almost a third of the garden. The apples that came from it were true beauties, as green as the leaves, round as the sun, and juicier than anything you have ever experienced. When your mother died, your father had her buried beneath it, and you imagined that by now its roots had fully wrapped around her, in a never ending embrace. You had a lot of good memories of that tree, and that was probably why you stopped in front of it.

You gazed up into its canopy, wondering just how many leaves it boasted now, how many creatures called it home. You looked down at the large roots that peeked through the grass. You wondered which ones held your mother as you knelt before it, putting a hand on the biggest, most gnarled of the roots. It felt warm. Probably from the sun and heat, but you liked to imagine it was the flowing of your mother's blood and the force of her love.

"Dr Yeager did his best for you." You said softly, looking down at the hard, patterned wood. "Now I'll do my best for him."

Thump

You turned to your left and, to your surprise, saw an apple. You were sure you had gathered them all with Rafael the other day. But it seems this one had been hiding, waiting to ripen and reveal itself.

You picked it up, inspecting it. There were no signs of bruising, or that an insect had made it it's home. Carefully, you took a bite.

It was delicious.

You could feel the juice running down your chin, and you wiped it away.

You weren't usually one for signs, but this seemed like a good one.

Apple in hand, you left the garden.

-

Unfortunately the military recruiters had left by the time you got there, but you weren't about to let that stop you.

Using a gold embossed doorknob that you had taken from the estate, you were able to bribe a merchant leaving for Wall Rose to let you tag along. You had considered bribing the military police to get you out, but you were concerned that it would get back to the circles your father traveled in, so you avoided them. Plus, it would probably look bad for your future military career.

From that merchant you bribed another to get further out, and yet another to find out who supplies the training camp for the military, and then bribed them to take you out there.

By the time you finally got to the training grounds it was late evening, dinner time you suspected, and you had used up everything you had taken with you to use as bribery. Your apple was long gone too, but it had nourished you well enough, considering you left during lunch time.

It wasn't until the suppliers left that you realized that you didn't have a plan for this part. You had been running purely on adrenaline and passion and impulse, incredibly out of character for you.

But you had already made up your mind. You're going to join the scouts, no matter what.

You spotted the biggest building, saw that the lights were on and heard noise coming from it and figured that was as good a place as any to start. You approached it, electing to ignore the girl who seemed to be doing laps (judging by how exhausted she looked you doubted it was her choice to do so).

Without taking a second to think, you opened the door, being sure to make enough noise to be noticed, and were promptly met with silence.

You surveyed the hall, taking in the surprised expressions, when your eyes fell on one boy in particular. He appeared to be your age, and in many ways was unremarkable. He was lanky and awkwardly proportioned, most likely due to not reaching puberty just yet, with short dark brown hair. The only thing of note about him really were his eyes, which were a dark shade of green. It reminded you of the leaves of the rose bushes in the garden.

But when you looked into them…you couldn't explain it. You felt something inside you unfurl. It felt primal, a near magnetic draw to the boy that you knew for a fact you had never seen before in your life. And yet your blood felt fiery hot under your skin, your heart racing like a thoroughbred.

'Who is he?'

"By the Walls, who is this?"

You were pulled from your unexplainable trance by a voice behind you, and you turned to find a tall, older, bald man, who didn't look impressed. He glared down at you, his eyes as cold as your blood was hot.

"Well?" He snapped. "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

You blinked, finally gathering yourself together and pulled out of your daze. "I take it you're in charge." You said. "I'm a recruit, sir."

He tsked. "A recruit? Why are you late then?"

"I missed the recruiter convoy." You said. "On account of being kept inside. I had to sneak out."

"Sneak out?" The man sounded incredulous, disbelieving. "Where are you from?"

"Mitras, sir."

That caused a stir. A wave of whispers came upon the crowd, too low for you to hear anything but you could guess the gist. You didn't imagine many born in the capital would willingly join the military.

That truly seemed to have caught the man off guard. "And how did you get here, exactly, if you missed the recruiters?"

"I bribed people to get past the walls."

More whispers. It seemed you were to be the main topic of conversation and gossip, at least for a while.

The man snorted, and he seemed almost angry, like he suspected you of tricking him. "You mean to tell me you smuggled yourself out of the capital, and made your own way here, just to join the military?"

"Yes sir. I'm not sure how else I'm supposed to explain it."

The whispers ceased, plunging you all into dead silence.

The man stared down at you, while you looked past him, at a spot on the wall next to his temple. A trick you learned to make it seem like you're holding eye contact.

"Why the military?" He asked finally. "Why leave your cozy little life for this?"

You furrowed your brow. Why did people keep asking questions with obvious answers?

"Because I want to join the survey corps and kill titans." You said simply. "I want to help prevent a disaster like what happened at Wall Maria and Shiganshina. I want to protect my fellow man, and I can't do that in Mitras."

The silence stayed, and the man kept trying to stare you down, but you kept your gaze on the wall. You remained calm. You had faced worse than him.

"Your name, recruit." He said, voice low. "What is it."

'Use your mother's maiden name. Please.'

"Y/N." You said. "Y/N Chava."

[byneddiedingo]

Madhabi Mukherjee and Soumitra Chatterjee in Charulata (Satyajit Ray, 1964) Cast: Madhabi Mukherjee, Soumitra Chatterjee, Shailen Mukherjee, Shyamal Ghoshal, Gitali Roy. Screenplay: Satyajit Ray, based on a story by Rabindranath Tagore. Cinematography: Subrata Mitra. Production design: Bansi Chandragupta. Music: Satyajit Ray. Charulata (Madhabi Mukherjee) is the beautiful, bored wife of the wealthy Bhupati (Shailen Mukherjee), who spends his time working on his newspaper devoted to the independence of India. At the start of the film, behind the opening credits, we watch as she embroiders a handkerchief for him, then Ray's ever-fluid camera follows her as she wanders through the richly appointed rooms of their house, gazing at the outside world through opera glasses and searching for something to read. At one point, Bhupati enters the house, smoking his pipe and reading a book, and walks right by her, not seeing or acknowledging her. But he becomes conscious of his wife's ennui and invites her brother, Umapada (Shyamal Ghoshal), and his wife, Manda (Gitali Roy), to live with them, and turns over the management of his business affairs to Umapada so Bhupati can devote more time to his newspaper. But Manda is empty-headed and prefers playing card games to providing intellectual companionship. Then Bhupati's cousin Amal (Soumitra Chatterjee), an aspiring writer, comes to visit, and Charulata is immediately attracted to him because of his literary interests and his sensitive poetic nature. In a scene set in the neglected garden of Bhupati's house, Amal writes poetry while Charulata soars on a swing, the camera tracking her movements. Their conversation inspires Charulata to express herself in writing, and she succeeds in getting a piece published about her memories of the village where she grew up -- even inspiring a little envy on Amal's part. Then we learn that Umapada has embezzled money from Bhupati and he and Manda have disappeared. Despondent, Bhupati tells Amal that he has lost trust in everyone but him, which stirs Amal's guilt: He realizes that he and Charulata have fallen in love, and rather than add to the burden of betrayal that has already been unloaded on Bhupati, he leaves suddenly. Charulata's grief at Amal's departure opens Bhupati's eyes to what has happened between his wife and his cousin. At the film's end, Charulata and Bhupati reach out for each other, but Ray chooses to depart from his usual mobile camera and to record the moment in a series of still photographs, over which he superimposes not the title of the film but that of the story by Rabindranath Tagore on which it was based: "The Broken Nest."

[nityarawal]

11/28/2023

Venusian Moms

Morning Songs

Venusian Moms

Do You Want Some

"Irany" *

*"Living Rent Free

In Your Brain,"

Asks Iranian Journalist

Sarah Raviani

You Won't Find

Many Persians

Yoginis

In Service Industry

Waiting On You

For Court Favors

Because They're Geniuses

Behind The Scenes

Venusians

Most Persian 

Mommies

Are Cloistered

For Good Reason

Beauties

Veiled

To Be Treasured

Royals

Not Forgotten

Treason

Mystery Of Moms

Canceled

Mitraism

Beyond The Veil

Turquoise Eye

Of Iran

British Royals

Wanted Us

Since 1979

You Want A Wife

To Take To Mars

Do Your Boys

Want A Gal Like

Me

Want A Tehrangeles 

Sweetheart

To Love You For 

Eternity

Like Mitra And Varuna

Well "We're Living

Rent Free

In Your Brain,"

I Might Only

Be Paying a Few Hundred

A Month

For My Leaky

Trailer

But That's More

Than A Third

Of State Stipend

Allocated To Billionaires 

For Years

While Bean Counters

Murder

So You Think

You Can Take A

Bribe 

On My Head 

Call My X

Landlords

Return

My Kids

Apartheid Law

Isn't Upheld

In America

Divorce Dissolutions

Whose A Slave

We Don't Know

Elon's "Eloning*"

For Us

Praying He's Still

Real

Shivani Wants

Artificial Brains

Sells Our Best

Men Out

For Invitro

Babies

Threats Of

Eulogies

On Best Beauties

Scientists

Games

Low Rewards

Human Genocide

Rewind AI

Banks Labs

Federal Insurance

Broke

Neuralink Wants

To Recycle

Physicists

And Their Wives

Kids

Body Parts

But Dr. Sunil Rawal

Can't Afford It

Or Sustain Fetishes

Now

Has No Heart

Humanity

Hierarchy

Will Win

The Parents Hearts

Because We Love

Earthlings

So Much More

Humanoids

Stories

Divine

Quests For Enlightenment

"Personalities," 

Elon Craves

Alive Women

How Can You

Expect A Man

To Copulate With Aliens

AI

How Can You Expect

A Mom

To Lie Back

And Take It

Infidelity

Harems Of "W's"

When You Steal

Her Data

And Rape Us

How Does It Work

Then

Do Lawyers

Hustle My Favorite Ladies

Do They Say

You Have A Fan Girl

Do You Want Us

To Murder Her

For The Misses

Islamophobia 

Racism

Jihad Lies

Anti-Semitism 

Lakshmi Bribes

Poking Out Salman

Rushdie's Eyes

How Can You Expect

Us

To Ever Trust

Our Government

Again Terrorising Lakshmi 

Tech Harems

On 9/11 Crimes

911 They Terrorize

Shame

Us

Targeting

No One To Call

But Elon Musk

X'Ing At The Top

Of Our Lungs

He's Like Superman 

On @X

Flew Around 

The Globe

Courting Ladies

Like A Master

Careful Not To Hurt

Moms

Feelings

High Expectations

Brought Love To "Irany"

Thankyou

Even To Know 

Acknowledge This

Merci

Brought Love To "Irany"

Brought Love To My

Family

Brought Love To The Globe

If Only We 

Could

Love Our Kings

Again

Reza

Elon

Isha

Forevermore

Eternal Love

Always Wins

Transcendence On

Your Skin

I Love You More

Divine Kisses

When You Meditate

Goddesses

Lakshmi

Saraswati

In Your Dreams 

At Night

Alpha State

Mothering

Repairing Traumas

Songs

Melodies Sung To Our

Young Ones

Waiting To See My

Little Baes

What Kind Of Shape

Are They In

Apartheid Hurt Me

Apartheid Hurt Them

Apartheid Hurt You

It's Easier

To Love Our Children

Mommies Know

Don't Want Warmongering

But We Keep 

Our Babies Close

Venusians 

At Home

Or With Mom

Boys "Eloning" The Globe

We Go Slower

Cycles You Know

But If We're In Love

We'll Go To Mars

We'll Rock Climb

His Mountains

Skydive

In Space

Rockets Roll

If We're In Love

We'll Train For This

Conquest

Train Our Kids

And Enlighten All

The Nations

If We're In Love

The Kids

Will Be Too

Don't Need

Any Drugs

Nature Is Perfect

Just Like

All Of You

#metoo 

Peace,

Nitya Nella Azam Davigo Moezzi Huntley Rawal 

*Eloning- I Made Up- Means To Elon Our Mindsets into Another Multi- Planetary Existence.

*Elon Coined "Irany" for Iranians 

*"Iranian women live rent free in your minds. It’s truly astounding. Someone should do a case study on their obsession with us."

-Sarah Raviani

#Irany #GetSome

[jotatetsuken]

i don't wanna be okay without you

submission for: @h-shibas's "Lights, Camera, Action" Collab (also, here's wishing the organizer a happy birthday too <33)

type of writing: oneshot

trope: actor au, film au, love triangle (story’s inspired from many Hindi movies, especially Om Shanti Om minus the reincarnation part, iykyk)

warnings: living a hard life in the slums, familial isolation, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of domestic abuse, toxic marriage, mentions of miscarriage, adultery, angst from Erwin, comfort from Levi, Erwin being a sexist director, police arrest, suggestive (implied NSFW, so minors please DNI), please lmk if i miss any more cw . also this is kinda dark so i'm tagging it as dark content just in case

song: i don’t wanna be okay without you - charlie burg

beta reading: @beware-of-the-rogue @tsukisdarling

tagging: @akaashi-todorki @hyeque @wakatshi @wakasa-wifey @azrail-core @fuwushiguro @ry0m3n @tokyometronetwork @cirigiri @reinaphoria @scandescent @zorosbozo @megumischubbycheeks

(taglist form / library account, turn on notifications to be updated)

number of words: 4880

a/n: okay, so this took me A MONTH to do this, and I'm finally finally here. I know I touch on really sensitive topics here, but I've had this story in my head for weeks now, so i hope y'all understand. ALSO, I love Erwin Smith, okay? I've made him a villain for the sake of the plot, nothing else. Likes, comments and reblogs, especially reblogs are appreciated. also, fyi, i do not condone cheating in any way. Also, (Y/N) = Your name, (L/N) = Last Name, (E/C) = Eye Color

Levi was sprinting through the dimly lit halls, pursued by onlookers. When he used to dwell in The Underground, a covert term for the filthiest slums in Mitras, Wall Sheena's most populous city, he had stolen a loaf of bread from the bakery. “Thief, thief,” shouted the crowd behind him as he bolted for his life. He wasn't a coward, and he was a self-taught marksman and martial arts student, but he was in a hurry to assist his ailing mother, Kuchel. She could only eat one loaf of bread at a time. He tripped over a rock while running and was about to drop the loaf of bread when he screamed. As he yelled, his body jolted as he was startled awake by the ringing of his mobile alarm. He grumbled and turned off the alarm, taking deep breaths to bring himself back to reality.

 He sat up and drew his legs closer to him, his elbows on his knees, his face on his open hands, and he groaned nonstop. He had been having recurring nightmares for a long time and had no idea how to stop them. With troubled eyes, he gazed to his left at a framed photo of his mother, who was currently in a coma, hoping that she would recover soon enough to witness his debut in his first cinematic venture. His phone abruptly rang at the right bedside table. He checked the caller ID and saw that it was Furlan, one of his best pals who was now working as an assistant director in the Eldian Film Industry, along with two other people on the conference call.

Levi answers the phone, his jaw clenching in irritation, only to hear his two other close friends, Isabel and Hange, shriek at the fact that Levi was half-naked. “Put on a freaking shirt, Levi bro,” Isabel grumbles, her left arm concealing her eyes while her right grips the phone. He gets out of bed, throws the phone on the bed, looks for a black full-sleeve shirt, puts it on, and returns to the call with a large grunt.

Isabel teases, “It took you long enough, Levi bro.” “Get to the point, Isabel,” Levi continued, grumbling. “Why did you all call me?” says the narrator. Hange rambled on, enthralled. “I hope you remember, Leviiiii, that you have to meet him today.” “Who is he?” Levi wondered, his eyes narrowing. “Erwin Smith, the head of the Survey Corps Productions,” Furlan interjected. “He was the one who cast your mo-” “Shhh!” Isabel says to Furlan, calming him down. “Levi bro doesn't need to be reminded of his mother's lineage.”

“All right, I'll go,” Levi said, sighing. “Now, everyone, hang up, right now. Don't forget to meet me there, four-eyes,” he said, addressing Hange.

They saluted him and said, “Aye, captain,” putting an end to the call. “Ugh, Do I really have to do this?” he grumbled, but then turned to gaze at his mother's photo and replied, “Only for you, ma.”

Levi chose to go by a mononym when he discovered he was descended from the Ackerman family, one of Tinseltown's most prominent families along with the Yeager and Arlert families because he carried animosity towards the clan for isolating his mother when he was born out of wedlock. He'd worked odd jobs, extra roles, and minor actor roles ever since to develop a sense of punctuality, cleanliness, orderliness, and a sense of understanding of the profession so he could help her find work. Until she was involved in an accident and went into a long-term coma, with doctors unsure when she would wake up. That’s when a tall, blonde-haired man with a certain nobility about himself introduced himself to Levi as Erwin Smith, the renowned director. 

“Levi, I was good friends with your mother. Ever since her banishment, I've made it a point to find her work in some capacity.”

Rolling his eyes, Levi says, “Look, Mr. Smith, I understand that you’ve extended your helping hand to my mother in the past, but now you can wash your hands of her,” gesturing to Erwin’s hands, “because she’s in a coma, and there’s nothing you can do to help.”

Erwin adds, folding his arms, “I knew you’d say something like that. Hence, I did not only come here to see Kuchel but also to see you. I'm offering you a lead role in my film, 'Attack on Titan,' as your first major cinematic role. You can then invest your money towards her treatment. How do you feel about that?”

He then turned to face his dying mother, who was still on a ventilator and fighting for her life. He then phoned his manager, Hange Zöe, as well as his best friends, Furlan Church and Isabel Magnolia, who had already entered the film industry, working as assistant directors to Miche Zacharius. They eventually persuaded him to do the film after a long and drawn-out argument. Levi then shook Erwin's hand and agreed to the bargain.

Erwin saw Levi and Hange come into the office with a black polo neck shirt and blue jeans on the first day of the script reading of “Attack on Titan.” “Okay, let's finish this soon,” Levi grunted, to which Erwin replied, “sure, sure, come in. The actress has yet to arrive.”

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door a couple of times before Erwin answered, “Come in,” causing the door to open and you to enter. In addition to your black jeans, you were wearing a white shirt with lace at the top. Every time you showed up, it was as if the entire world came to a halt for Levi.

When Levi saw you for the first time in the film, “Shiganshina Came Crumbling Down,” his eyes lit up. Not only was he in awe of your beauty, but also of the way you carried yourself. When he played small parts in TV shows and movies such as “Escape to Trost,” “Life at the Garrison,” and so on, he gained more respect for you. In your initial encounters and later interactions, you appeared kind to him.

He shook his head in disbelief, “Mr. Smith, am I-” Erwin smiled, continuing, “I remember you said you liked (Y/N) (L/N), so what better way to get to know her than by working with her?”

Both of you shook hands with each other, you stated while smiling, “It will be a pleasure to work with you, Levi,” and he agreed, replying “Same here, Ms. (L/N).” As they sat, she laughed and said, “Please, call me (Y/N). It's okay.”

As she turned to Erwin, Levi noticed that she had a genuine bond with him, one based on love and respect. You honestly felt glad that you had Erwin by your side. He’d been there for your ups and downs and stayed with you by your side. He was your husband after all.

However, because Erwin wanted to keep the marriage a secret (one of the reasons being that the industry is not kind to married women working in films), only both of your friends were the ones that knew, which included Mikasa Ackerman, Eren Yeager, Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein, Connie Springer, and Sasha Braus. They were the ones who would keep an eye on you and warn you to be cautious around Erwin. Not because he didn't love you; he just had a different way of expressing it.

As you and Levi rehearsed the lines from the script, you both silently noticed that the flow was surprisingly smooth, as if they knew exactly what and how they were going to say the lines. Erwin was ecstatic about the interaction. The script readings went so well for a few days that you all decided to start shooting right away.

Months after the filming began, the level of difficulty gradually increased, especially for Levi. “I don't know how to channel these feelings into acting.”

“That's because you always have a straight face,” Furlan joked, and Isabel laughed along. Levi scowled at both of them, causing them to stand firm.

“Well, why don't you guys bond?” Hange suggested, laughing. “Start talking more, and maybe you guys will eventually help each other, and Leviii, maybe it will benefit you in some way,” they shrugged and grinned at him.

After some thought, Levi responded, “I don't see why that wouldn't be a good opportunity.” “So it's settled,” Erwin said as he clapped. “Levi, you and (Y/N) should get together and practice lines, stat.”

You went to Levi's house that day and began rehearsing the lines. While you two were taking a break, Levi nervously asked, “Would you like anything to drink? Tea, coffee, or something else?” You replied, “I'd like tea with milk, please.” Levi smiled at you, nodding in agreement and relieved that you liked tea as much as he did.

You enjoyed his way of making tea while you two were drinking. “Levi, this is some of the best tea I've ever had!” you exclaimed with twinkling eyes, “how did you learn to make it?”

Levi's eyes became sad as he looked down at the ground and said, “My mother used to teach me. She enjoyed drinking tea like this.”

You placed your hand on his and said, “Erwin informed me of the situation. I'm truly sorry. What is your mother's condition?”

Levi sighed, “She's doing okay, but I'm...,” his voice becoming softer as his shoulders sagged. “I'm terrified, (Y/N). What if she doesn't make it? Everything will be for naught.”

You took a deep breath and held his hand, “Levi, if it weren't for Erwin, I wouldn't be here today. As the world knows, the (L/N) family is well-known, but it wasn't always that way. They were in shambles and were unable to support themselves. When I was seven years old, my parents split, and I was raised by two families, one of whom, the (L/N) family, became famous. It was through them that I first met Erwin. Our conversation finally led to a strong friendship. However, both of my families liked to tell me what to do, how to eat, and how to look, and that bothered me a lot, it made me feel uncomfortable within my skin, but then Erwin promised them that he’d take care of me and I moved out of the house ever since.”

“The fact that I’m able to be the way I want to be where I am, was because I chose to do so,” you continued, putting your hand on Levi’s shoulder, smiling, “and so can you. I’m very sure that your mother loves you very much and wants nothing but the best for you. I know you’re doing this for her, and she must already be proud of you for going through this regardless.”

He turned to you with a sorrowful expression, his anxious breaths slowly calming down, smiling at you, “thank you, (Y/N). It meant a lot, and I’m sorry I had no idea you were going through a lot.”

Nodding, you smiled at him, and like gravity was trying to set you two up, you were about to stand up, but because your feet were sore, you stumbled and were about to fall off your chair, only for Levi to catch you. Both of you couldn’t explain what this pull you had towards each other but as you were going to give in to the moment, your faces approaching each other, you’re brought back to reality with a jolt as you receive a phone call from Erwin.

“Hi, Erwin,” you answer the call, and you hear from the other side, “babe, are you still at Levi’s house? Let me pick you up.” You nod, “yes, Erwin, I’m here. Thank you, please let me know whenever you’re here.”

You two adjust your clothing as if you were about to commit a travesty. “Can we not-” you start, but Levi interrupts you, “don’t worry, I won’t tell Erwin or anyone. Thank you, for everything.”

You nodded, thanking Levi, as you got a call from Erwin, where he informs you that he had reached. Levi waved goodbye to you as you got into the car with Erwin, who said, “I miss you, baby,” as he kissed you on the cheek, and you smiled while he drove you home.

Over the next few days, shooting continued as usual, but suddenly, one day, you felt uneasy, nauseated, even. So you said you would be back in five minutes. That five minutes turned into an hour. Erwin checked on you in the meantime, and another hour passed by.  

Levi was then sent to your vanity car to call for you but as he approached you, he could hear you crying from outside. So, to avoid being caught, he stayed out of their line of vision, while peering through their window. “Babe, I can’t do this, I can’t hide whatever we have with us,” you vent to Erwin as Levi overhears with a confused expression.

“(Y/N),” Erwin said with a straight face, “you know that the fans of the Elysian Film Industry are not kind towards married women,” causing Levi to gasp silently in shock, but what was said next, caused him to go blank for a while, “let alone be married to me and be the mother of our child.”

In trying to comprehend what he had just heard, Levi realized he needed to get out of their sight before Erwin saw him. Thus, he hid behind the vanity car. His heart sank as he squatted on the ground, shocked to learn that his romantic interest was married and pregnant. It irked him more as he realized that you had to hide all of this due to prejudice against married women.

A moment later, he contemplated walking out of the film shooting, the reason being that it hit too close to home. He was reminded of why he hated this industry, to begin with, because his mother was isolated from him by it. Even so, he was determined not to leave you behind as he wiped the tears from his cheeks despite not having realized they were flowing. Instead, he will be by your side every step of the way.

Levi waited for Erwin to go before knocking on your door and calling out to you as he clenched his fist and clicked his tongue in annoyance. As Erwin left, he knocked, “Can I come in, (Y/N)?” You responded, “sure, please come in,” sniffling and wiping away your tears as you put on a phony grin.

When Levi enters, he kneels alongside you and takes your hand in both of his. He looks at you, concernedly. “(Y/N)? Is everything alright with you? Can I help you in any way?”

Even though you smiled, cupped his cheek, and said, “I'm fine, Levi. Thank you for taking such good care of me. I was just sick, that’s all,” he wasn't convinced by your response, but he was willing to overlook it all for the sake of your well-being.

Because you weren't feeling well during the next few days, production had to wind up early. Levi had noticed that your face had turned pale and you'd lost your usual pleasant smile one day at the shooting when you opted to leave early. Your shoulder had a bruise that he could see through. He sensed something had happened to you, and he was determined to find out what it was.

This time, Levi was the one who came home to see you, and when your butler opened the door, he was momentarily astonished, as if he had seen a ghost. Your face looked pale, your makeup was streaked with tears, there was a lot of material all over the place, and you were sobbing hysterically.

“(Y/N), are you okay? Please tell me what happened!” he exclaimed as he ran to you and took you in his arms. He looked at you with sad eyes, softly asking, “It’s okay, shhh,” quieting you, “I’m here. So, please, tell me what happened.”

That’s when you wrapped your arms around him, sobbing, “Levi, my baby, she’s gone. I had a miscarriage. Ever since then, Erwin’s been rude and distant with me, in private,” and showed her shoulders that had bruises, marks that most likely looked like from being hit. You continued, sniffling, “I even suspect that he's been cheating on me.”

This pissed Levi off but as he was about to suggest halting the production of the film, you said, sniffling, “Listen, Levi, we’re going ahead with the film. I don’t want this film’s reputation to be marred by this, it’ll cause a scandal and I don’t want that right now, so please, can we still do the film?”

He caressed your head and said, “okay, but I’ll be staying with you in the vanity car as a ruse for practicing lines. I want to protect you,” and that caused you to nod.

For the next few days, you hide your emotions and pain and channel it through acting out certain scenes. Erwin felt would make this your best performance, when in truth, you're terrified of his behavior if things go wrong.

However, the ambiance deteriorated. Erwin treated you rudely anytime you made a minor mistake, forcing you to shudder and be afraid of him. He insulted you in front of everyone by stating that he took you from nothing and made you the actress you are right now and that you needed to pull yourself together.

You were irritated especially since this was the first time he criticized you in public, but the completion of the project was critical to you. As you returned to the vanity car to rehearse lines, you found safety in Levi, who was wise beyond his years. He, a rookie, supplied more insight into his character than any seasoned actor you'd dealt with, and he incorporated that into their methods. It had gotten to the point where you only felt comfortable in the vanity car or other places where you hung out with Levi.

During one such vulnerable moment, in the vanity car, you were crying while he was hugging you. “Levi,” you sniffled, as you two were sitting in the car, “I don’t understand why he’s being rude to me, he’s not spoken a word of kindness to me these past few days, and I’m scared that he’ll leave me.”

Levi cups your cheeks with his hands and says, “If I were you, I’d walk out of the movie and the marriage, because you deserve much better, but I know that you’re a champion and you’ve handled him so far, I believe you can handle him till the end of the film. You should leave him, though,” smiling at you while wiping the tears off your face.

He examined your face for a moment, and looked at you in sheer awe. “(Y/N), do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

Suddenly, something sparked in his mind as he took something out of his bag to give you something. It was a snow globe that had the figures of two of them kissing while the snow was falling. As he keeps the snow globe to a side, in awe of him and everything that he’d been doing, you put your hands around his neck, draw your face closer to him and place a peck on his lips. Levi was expectedly dumbfounded by this action but closed his eyes anyway to not let go of the moment.

However, what was supposed to be a peck evolved into something else as your lips start to lock with each other, and you two end up kissing hard, as your fingers raked through his hair and he places his hand on the nape of your neck. A good amount of time passed by as you two were kissing only for realization to hit you hard as you forcefully released yourself from the kiss. “Levi, this, this can’t happen.” You stutter as Levi nods, and while both of you stayed silent, both of you realized that this was the best kiss that each other had in the longest time.

Despite that moment, everyone behaved professionally, not wanting to interrupt the shooting schedule, ensuring the film’s success. However, both of you were oblivious to the fact that ever since the accidental kiss you two shared, you're all he thought about, and he was all that you thought about.

You were the light in his life that was shrouded in darkness, and he was the escape that you needed from your harsh reality. As his Instagram account was established, and he uploaded the photographs that Furlan forced him to upload from the photoshoot, many people loved him, and many people judged each other for loving him and claiming him to be theirs, but one day, when the shooting ended, as you turned to him while you were walking away with Erwin, the languages that your eyes spoke said a thousand words to each other than flattery ever could. You two were truly in love with each other in a world full of facades, and you didn’t want to be okay without each other.

During your usual hangout at your vanity car, once you were done rehearsing the lines, you stared into each other’s eyes continuously, and with panting breaths, it hit you two that both of you realized that you liked each other and couldn’t stay away from each other. That’s when you gave in to your desires as you drew your faces closer to each other enveloping yourselves into a deep kiss as you move back to the bedroom that you’d made for quick naps.

As the clothes started to peel off each other’s bodies, the sheets were witness to a new love story blossoming as Levi kissed you in places that had the bruises, which caused you to wince, but he didn’t lose eye contact with you, because before you went back to shooting, he needed to express how deeply in love with you he was.

This didn’t end up being a one-time thing as every day, whenever you two finished practicing, you two would sleep with each other. You thus started a tryst with Levi unbeknownst to Erwin, who was clearly in awe of the way you two acted eventually in the scene, bringing the passion you two had for each other towards the film.

You didn’t just get closer to Levi physically. You two talked more often, connected on a deeper level than you with Erwin, and he introduced you to Furlan and Isabel, who accepted you wholeheartedly and were willing to defend you with all they had. Hange, while being friendly with you, warned the both of you, suggesting that you two be careful as Erwin would make life uneasy for you if he found out.

When Mikasa found out about the situation, she was concerned and doubtful about Levi’s intentions. However, once they met, she realized that he truly possessed the blood of an Ackerman. Stern and stubborn, yet kind-hearted deep down and accepted him wholeheartedly, willing to pitch in to help in however she could to ensure Kuchel’s recovery. During this time, Erwin and you had a big argument which led to you exclaiming that you were moving out of the apartment, and you then moved into Isabel’s apartment to ensure you and Levi continued to meet in secret to avoid any scandal. 

Five months later, the production was wrapped up and the film was set to release. A day before the private screening, Erwin called you, “(Y/N), are you excited about the private screening? I’d like it for us to go together.”

You scowled and were dumbfounded by his audacity to still appear on good terms in public. “Listen, Erwin,” you retorted, sitting up on the couch while you were initially lying down, “no matter how much you cajole me to come back to you, it’s not going to work. You’d made me feel miserable about myself ever since I had the miscarriage. Do you think I depended on you to get out of my miserable past? No, I chose to go with you. We married each other, remember? Or no, your reputation is too important for you, more important than our marriage!”

Erwin laughed maniacally as fear gripped you with his tone changing to something that she’d never heard. “Oh, poor (Y/N),” Erwin smirked, “did you think I’ll let the baby come into the world while we were supposed to be the most successful couple? Hah!” He scoffed, “absolutely not! Isn’t that right, Petra baby?” Petra? Baby?

You thought to yourself for a moment as it clicked. “Wait, Erwin,” you inquired, “did you cause the-” Erwin laughed again, as he responded arrogantly, “yes! I was the one who caused the miscarriage. Remember when I asked my assistant, Petra, to serve you tea before I came to call for you?”

Your eyes widened in the realization that that day, Erwin slipped a pill in the tea, that caused you to feel uneasy and that’s how you eventually lost the baby. You started seeing red as you clench your fists in rage, but as your (E/C) orbs land on the picture of the two of you in the hall, an idea pops in your mind as you take a deep breath and tell Erwin with a cunning smile, “you know what? Let’s go! There’s no point in arguing, right?”

As you walk in your red halter neck gown with Erwin and Levi to the private screening, several pictures were taken by different paparazzi. As you posed with different supporting actors, and finally, when you posed with Erwin and with Levi, people could observe the difference in your interactions. All of you went inside the theater, and as all of you saw the final product, Levi and you secretly held hands as you two saw that every scene was picturized beautifully and for his debut, Levi created magic on screen.

After coming out of the screening, Erwin was interviewed by Connie who had opted to be one of the interviewers for the screening. “Hello, Connie,” Erwin greeted him with a smile, following which Connie grinned, replying, “Hello, Mr. Erwin, I hope you can spare a couple of seconds for an interview.” Erwin nodded, causing Connie to tell Sasha to roll the camera and Jean to make notes. “So, Mr. Erwin,” Connie asked, “how did you like your film?” Erwin beamed and continued, “I can’t be more proud of my casting choices. As always, (Y/N) has left her mark on screen as one of the most talented actresses, period, but it was Levi’s night tonight as he shone on screen. He is a force to be reckoned with.”

Connie smiled, continuing, “that’s wonderful. Speaking of (Y/N), we’ve heard from different sources, that you two are actually married in secret, and that she even bore your child, is that true?”

Erwin scowled on hearing this, but put up a fake smile, saying, “Even if it was true, the industry sadly makes fun of married women, saying that they don’t deserve to work, so you should be able to understand why we kept our marriage a secret?”

Not fazing from his stance, Connie then asked a hard-hitting question. “Ah, that makes sense. Is that why you caused her to have a miscarriage?”

Erwin widened his eyes in shock, how did people come to know? Nervously laughing, Erwin said, “oh, but that’s nonsense. Who told you that?”

That’s when he heard a voice from a distance who replied, “I did,” Levi approached Erwin and Connie and replied, “Erwin, I thank you for the opportunity that you gave me. Working with you gave me the confidence I didn’t know I needed. However, I dug deep into some articles, and I realized that it was you, who reported to the press that my mother was pregnant with me, causing her to be isolated from the family. I also know, that my once close friend, Petra Ral, who now works with you, is now dating you. So, when I came to Isabel's house, I noticed that you and (Y/N) talking over the phone. So, I found a way to record the conversation and once I recorded the conversation, I found enough arsenal needed to take you down. So I took the tape to Mikasa, who took it to Eren and Armin, who then took it to Connie, Jean, and Sasha and we devised a plan, together.”

That’s when Levi’s uncle, Kenny Ackerman, a senior superintendent in the Military Brigade of Mitras, cuffed Erwin’s hands with Sasha continuing to record the whole thing. “Erwin Smith,” Kenny ordered, “you are under arrest for…”

As Kenny was reading out the crimes Erwin was arrested for, Levi walked away from there and ran to you to hug you. Your hug then caught the attention of a section of paparazzi. “It’s all over now, baby. We can be together without any fear and I promise to support you in every way,” he tells you while you smile, seeing that justice was finally served. 

© Shyna 2022 - reposting on any other platform is not allowed

[nelapanela94]

WHEN THE STARS FALL ASLEEP - Part 1

tw: Pining, angst, SMUT (masturbation), swearing, fluff, hurt/comfort, Levi babysitting, child abuse in chapt 17. Canonverse (set in years 844-845)

wc: ~35k

Summary: A glance, a word, hands holding, kissing, making love. Levi and Y/N's love story does not stick to these steps. Their journey takes some detours between valleys, mountains, turbulent rivers and abysses that end up destroying cracked hearts. Will they be able to patch each other up? Ft. Hange playing cupid, a shoulder to cry on, and the best adviser.

AO3 ⭐ When the stars fall asleep masterlist ⭐ part 2 - the night the meteorite crashed into the earth

If you had the chance to save everything that matters to you, would you grab it and hold onto it? even if it shears scraps in your skin? Or would you loosen up your grip and let it slip away?

Chapter guide

A wide smile creeps across your lips

And thus was born our blue staggler

More stardust in my life

And sparks ignited the first time we spoke to each other under the stars

Can we skip the chit-chat and kiss? - part 1

Can we skip the chit-chat and kiss? - part 2

Cursed jacket

Lovesick

You have me spinning in your orbit

Now I understand sad poems

Where are the stars tonight?

Angel the boy of sword bones

Alice, the girl of broken dreams

Vico, the boy who pees his pants

Levi, the boy who survived with cracks in his heart

Moon days and rowdy hormones

Why did I agree to this?

Under Mitras sky

With you everything feels alright

Haunting past

Hello everyone!!! Finally after months of thinking writing deleting crying and redoing everything over again, I finished part 1 of 6 of this series. This part comprises twenty chapters, each one made-up of 800 to 4000 words.

Some chapters brought me to tears, while others stole giddy giggles from me. We all need balance.

I'll be posting the chapters throughout the weekend. Please cope with me fixing the navi links.

Don't forget to check in the masterlist the triggering warnings because future parts will be dark and heartwrenching. I'll be adding more warnings as I continue building the story.

When the stars fall asleep masterlist

Thank you all for reading my fics, you motivate me to keep writing.

[noriakihunny]

CORPS X FAMILY (The Beginning)

now, now - listen. with the popularity of spy x family, i thought i would do a bit of a crossover with AOT. this idea came to my mind & i really wanted to entertain the idea of a certain circumstance where erwin and you had to adopt the child. anya is still anya, (mind-reader, loves peanuts) but in the AOT world. all art is created by me as well. this is my female AOT OC i’m using as a (visual) placeholder for the reader. hope you guys like it!

disclaimer: all rights go to the respective owners, studios, creators, writers of both the AOT manga + anime, as well as the SxF manga + anime. there are also some elements/quotes from the shows/manga which i have incorporated into the story so it makes sense/relevant to the story. this crossover is simply for entertainment purposes.

_

Erwin is set to trial after the Scouts were (falsely) accused for murdering some of the Military Police. He is brought over to “King” Fritz and in some twisted way, they come to the decision to spare his life and retain his position as Commander of the Scouts - under ONE condition: he is to adopt a child. If he cannot take care of a mere child, what hope would humanity have in store under his direction? After the decision, you retrieve Erwin from Capital Mitras and make your way back over to the local orphanage in Trost where there is only one child who awaits.

main cast:

• Y/N | she/her

you are a captain within the survey corps. very smart, strategic. s-rank soldier.

• erwin smith

commander of the scout regiment. also your husband. typical dad. (yes, dad jokes for days.)

• anya (no last name until adopted) smith

adopted daughter. mind-reader. eccentric. kawaii. adorable as fuck. loves aunt hange & uncle levi. loves peanuts. simple backstory, she was part of some titan experiment and somehow she ended up having mind-reading powers.

• levi ackerman

he is your baby brother. you are only a year older than him, as well as taller. the cool, chill uncle. (is mean to everyone but his niece)

• hange zoe

your best friend, also the crazy, fun aunt. (is more of a child than the actual child)

note: name colors will also represent their thoughts :)

—

Part 1: The start of it all

After almost a week long travel back home to Trost after retrieving Erwin back from Sina, you two finally make your way over to the small little orphanage where the future awaits. Although, you never opposed to having a child; you and Erwin had this discussion long ago, that when the time was right you two wanted to have a family of your own. Not only did you feel that it was too soon, it wasn’t the ideal way you two wanted to have a child, considering it had to be done in order for Erwin to avoid execution.

"Y/N." Your husband nudges your arm as you're completely out of focus, feeling your entire body riddle with anxiety as you stand before the main doors. "Are you alright?" Much to your surprise, Erwin seems more optimistic about the entire situation than you are. You’re practically disturbed by his cheerful disposition.

"I-I'm sorry, honey. I'm just a little nervous." You look down to the ground as you twiddle your thumbs, kicking into the dirt.

"Don't be nervous. It's just a child."

"Well, it's not that.. I mean, do you think we'll be good parents? It's a little nerve-wracking that everything lays on the line.. depending on this child's welfare under our care. The moment something goes wrong, you could be--"

"Darling, calm your nerves. Everything will be just fine. This is for the sake of humanity. We can take care of a child. Just think of it as a little soldier."

You couldn't help but snicker. Even in times of strife, Erwin manages to keep calm and reserved, like the true leader he is. "If I catch you giving the kid some ODM gear, I'm kicking your ass."

-

"Hello, Commander. Captain.” You are immediately welcomed by a gentleman standing by the front desk, who seemed to be the head honcho of this place considering he was dressed more nicely than the other caretakers who passed by. "I'm Ackley Watts, the owner of this orphanage." (i literally used a name generator for this lmfao) He shakes both yours and Erwin's hand. "I did receive word that you were looking to adopt a child under the request of the King. I'm sorry to say, we only have one left, so we don't have much of a variety to provide."

"That's alright. May we meet her?" Erwin nods.

"Right this way."

The orphanage was small and quaint, almost drab looking with how out-of-shape a few things seemed to be. The floor was creaking with every other step you made. A few walls were worn down from what seemed to be water damage. "How long has this kid been here?" You nuzzle next to Erwin as you walk down the main hallway, the feeling of anxiousness creeping back up again.

"She's been here for a few months. We've had children arrive after her who still managed to get adopted before her."

"Hmm, so it's a girl. Is there anything wrong with her?"

"Nothing that we're aware of. She's never posed as a problem. She may just not be.. well, for a lack of a better word, as desirable as the other children. She does look a little off due to her pink hair."

"Pink.. hair?" You were surprised that anyone within these three walls possessed such an odd hair color. Could that be it? Her hair that makes people skip right over her?

"She's quite the unique little girl. She's very smart. Eccentric. You'll like her. Especially when she's warmed up to you." He laughs, taking a stop before the last room at the end of the hallway. "Anya?" He pokes his head through the open door. "Come, let's meet her. Anya, this is Mr. and Mrs. Smith, they're here to see you."

As soon as you enter the room, the pink-haired girl looks over her shoulder, flushed at the sight of both you and Erwin. She was sitting down at a small table, reading a book. "Huh?"

"Hi, Anya." You greet the little girl, who suddenly jumps out of her seat to stand before you like a soldier.

I know these two!! They're the grown-ups of the Scout Regiment!

"Commander Erwin! Captain Y/N!" She screams out, startling both you and Erwin. The Commander only has one arm and the Captain is so pretty..!!

“How did you know who we are?” You’ve never seen Erwin turn so red before.

“The Scouts are awesome! Me and my friends used to talk about them all the time. They’re our heroes and protect us from the Titans.”

“I’m glad to hear you’re a fan.” He chuckled.

"Are you here to recruit me?" There was a tinge of fear in her voice as she retreated back over to her seat.

Hmm, I wonder how old she is.. she has to be at least 4 or 5 years old, but speaks like she's much older.

"I'm six!" She calls out to you. Whoa, what? How did she..?

"Well, Anya.. actually, we're here to adopt you." Erwin kneels down beside her. "We want to, uh, well.."

"We want you to be part of our family. Besides, you're way too young to be in the military." You laugh, standing by Erwin as you rest your hand on his shoulder.

"I see you have a book here. What do you like to read?" The Commander glances over to the table where her book was.

"History. I l love learning about new things!" Her demeanor shifted so quickly - she started jumping up and down, throwing punches in the air as if she was fighting with someone. "Stupid Titans!"

You glance over to Erwin, who seemed quite deep in his thoughts. Hmm, she's certainly smart for her age, but.. we've been here for only a few minutes and she's gone through several mood changes. Deep down, I hope she doesn't end up driving us crazy.

"I-I promise I won't drive you crazy!" You're surprised by her reply. Why did she say that so suddenly, specifically towards Erwin? "I can be a very good, behaved girl."

"We'll be happy to have you, Anya. Would you like to be our daughter?" She certainly is.. eccentric, I'll give her that. But, if this is what it takes to keep Erwin alive, we'll have to commit to this. The fate of humanity is on the brink.

Fate of hu..man..i..ty? How cool! My parents are now.. the Commander and the Captain of the Scout Regiment! Without hesitation, she runs into Erwin's arms, taking him in an embrace. "Can I call you Papa? And you.." She looks over to you with her chin buried in his shoulder. "..Mama?"

You and Erwin nod in agreement, without saying a word as you both come to the conclusion that this decision is final. You have officially adopted Anya as your daughter.

BONUS: how did papa lose his arm?

"Papa?" Anya tugs at Erwin's pants, as you all come to a complete stop before entering the house. "Why do you only have one arm?"

"Hmm, well your mother tore my other arm off." Erwin joked, looking at you with a devious little smirk on his face. "Isn't that right, darling? She said she needed a hand with the dishes and ripped it right off my body." (yes, the dad jokes are starting)

Anya began laughing hysterically, running over to your side as she grabbed your hand. "Mama seems too nice to do that."

That does remind me of the time I did rip off the limbs of a Titan with my own bare hands because I was bored and out of spare blades..

WHAT?! You look down to see Anya running away from you, hiding behind one of the bushes near the front door.

Erwin stared at the door with a blank expression, watching your newly adopted daughter hide in the bushes. "Was my joke really that bad?”

-

Hope you guys like! Part 2 will be coming soon; meeting Uncle Levi and Aunt Hange!