#theres just so much that needs to be considered and thought deeply about

[mediumgayitalian]

“Death Breath! Hey! Wait up!”

Nico bolts. He makes it about ten feet away from his cabin door before Will and his stupid long legs catch up with him, throwing an arm over his shoulder and then immediately tripping over his own foot and sending them both sprawling.

“I hate you,” Nico groans, curling up on the grass.

It’s too early for any of this. He was just trying to get back at Cecil for covering everything he owned in aluminum foil last week — and then he was going to go right the hell back to bed.

He knew he should have fucking shadow travelled.

“Aw, c’mon. You love me.”

Nico pretends to gag. The only thing he gets is Will’s crossed arms and raised eyebrow, so he doubles down and really starts to retch. Whatever. It’s eight thirty in the morning. He fell asleep at five. Rational thinking is a distant, distant memory.

“Whenever you’re done.”

“I will be sick at the thought for the next eight weeks,” Nico informs him. For dramatic effect, he looks up at Will’s face — which he cant even see, since the sun’s in his eyes — and shudders.

“You know, you have a genuine, beautiful talent for the dramatic arts, the likes of which I have never seen. Are you sure you’re not secretly an Apollo kid?”

I better not be, ‘cause then all the staring I do at your calves would be real weird, he thinks to himself, then considers whether he can convince Kayla to give him a lobotomy. He thinks she might like the opportunity.

“Piss off,” he says instead of that, artfully schooling his face into the aristocratic mask he’s perfected from his father, squaring his shoulders and looking at Will like he’s a pebble lodged in the flesh of his heel.

Will rolls his eyes. “Get up, Sharpay Evans. You’re gonna stain your shirt worse than you already have.”

Nico sniffs haughtily. “My shirt is perfectly fine, thank you very much. I order them in black for a reason.”

He notices a giant grass stain on the side when he stands. He ignores it. Will does not.

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re the Goth King.”

“Ghost King.”

“Right, right. That helps your case.”

Nico shoves him, fighting back a grin. “Whatever, Solace. What are you bothering me for?”

“Oh, yeah!”

Nico is a deeply cheesy person. Down to the core of him, past all the sarcasm and prickliness and trauma, or whatever, he’s made of fucking mozzarella, because what business does he have comparing Will’s eyes to the morning winter sky? Huh? That’s embarrassing. It isn’t even original. If Nico caught anyone saying shit like that out loud in real life, he’s collapse into the shadows from embarrassment. He needs electroshock therapy.

“I was thinking —”

“Rare,” Nico quips, just to watch Will’s eyebrow twitch. It does. Nico smiles.

“I was thinking,” he repeats, mocking glare in Nico’s direction, “that you and me go to the city this afternoon.”

“You chased me across camp for that?”

“Oh, please, Zombie Face. I chased you maybe twenty yards.”

“I think all that time sniffing rubbing alcohol has deteriorated your brain.”

“I think I’m going to shove you in the lake.”

“Feel free to try. You will not wake up the next morning.”

“Nah.” Will shoots him a smug smile. Nico trips over air. “I can be as annoying as I want and you still won’t kill me. I have impunity.”

Nico rolls his eyes, refusing to dignify that with an answer. The less he acknowledges his own shame, the more likely it will go away on its own. Probably.

“Anyways. Guess what Cecil told me today.”

“His last will and testament?” Nico guesses, suddenly remembering his reason for being up this early.

“No, no, not that.” Will pauses. “Well, I mean, he did. I passed it on to Chiron. He has requested that when you maul him, you avoid his face, because he wants to be a sexy corpse and he can’t do that if you destroy his prettiest features.”

“Noted. Please inform him I will come for him within a window of the next fifteen hours.”

Theres a very particular face Will makes when he finds something genuinely funny. A smile a little more crooked than his regular one, teeth working at his bottom lip to hold it back, left dimple appearing in his cheek. It makes Nico want to do stupid things like press his thumb into said divot. He instead shoves his hands deeply into his pockets.

“I’ll let him know.” He clears his throat. “Anyways. You know what day it is today?”

Nico squints. “Tues…day? No, Wednesday.” He glances at Will. It’s been maybe….three days since their weekly sleepover? No, fuck, four. He thinks. “Thursday. Final answer.”

“Monday,” Will corrects, “and, gods, you need to sleep more. And a calendar. But no, that’s not my point.”

“Feel free to get to it.”

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Will finally explains. He tries for exasperated, but it doesn’t work — he’s clearly excited, bouncing on the balls of his feet and waving his hands. “And The Five Seasons is doing half off for couples, so you and I need to go!”

He waves his hands, as if tying off some grand reveal. His (blue blue blue blue) eyes are squeezed nearly shut by the force of his beam, which lessons slightly with every second Nico does not respond.

“William,” he says finally. He opens his mouth, then closes it again. “William.”

Will pouts. “What?”

“Explain how this is relevant to me, William.”

“Aw, c’mon, Nico! Don’t be difficult!”

“William,” stresses Nico again. “We are not a couple. Did you hit your head again?”

“Well, duh, Neeks, it’s about the scam!” He flaps his hand in a way Nico assumes is meant to convey something. “We’re gonna — eat! Cheap! By pretending to be a couple!” Now both hands are flopping, paired with wide, imploring eyes. “Obviously!”

“Obviously,” Nico repeats, slowly. He instructs one half of his brain to keep its focus on not melting into a puddle of blushing embarrassed goo, and the other to exercise restraint and not strangle the boy in front of him. A headache begins to press behind his eyes. “Will, what the shit.”

“You of all people!” Will throws his hands up. “You love scamming people! You hate corporate holidays! You frequently throw pebbles at people who look, and I quote, too obnoxiously happy! You’re the best hater I know! You should be on board!”

He makes a compelling point. Not that Nico is going to make that easy for him.

“You seem very invested in this,” Nico points out. He manages to keep his voice tastefully judgmental, which he’s very proud of.

“Of course I am! I want cheap Five Seasons food, godsdammit!” He pauses, switching tactics. “Nico,” he says softly. He puts a gently hand on Nico’s forearm, making him freeze. He is suddenly very, very close, and wow, did his hair always frame his face in gentle waves? Has that always been a thing? “I really, really want to scam a restaurant with you.” He smiles, small and crooked and gods, Will doesn’t look dangerous very often, but holy Hades when he does — “Will you make my Valentines, and scam a restaurant with me?”

His fingers begin to trace little circles in the inside of Nico’s wrist.

“Yes,” he squeaks, voice cracking.

“Yes!” Will cheers, pulling his fist. “Yes, hell yes, Nico! We are going to scam the shit out of this restaurant! Half off for couples? How about half off for heathens! Free money, baby! Fuck yeah!”

He turns back towards Nico, smile still wide and radiant, blinking eyes pools of sparkling excitement. Nico’s knees go a little weak. “I’ll come get you at 2! Thank you, Neeks!”

He runs off back to his cabin, only tripping twice. Nico watches him go, feeling a little like he’s tripping, too, with all the swooping his stomach is doing.

“Dude,” he mumbles to himself, shaking his head. “Be normal. Christo.”

It takes him ten straight minutes to get back to his cabin, even though he’s standing at the porch.

———

The obsidian handle of the Hades’ cabin door rattles.

“Neeks!” calls a voice behind the door, “you ready to go?”

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.” Nico scrambles over to the mirror and stares at himself. He turns a little to the left. He scowls. “Shit!” Tugging the shirt off, he turns back to his closet, tossing the piece of clothing to join the rest of its brethren on the floor. “Shitfuck. Fuckshit. Shit.”

“Nico!”

“Coming!”

Tapping his foot rapidly, he looks harder, as if that will magically make the right shirt pop into existence, perfectly pressed, on a hanger. “Shit.”

“What could possibly be taking so long? You’ve had two hours!”

“I care about my appearance, Mr Flip Flops and Scrubs!”

“Bleh bleh! Hurry up!”

Nico bites his lip. It shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t, really. Five Seasons is not actually a fancy restaurant. He and Will just like to joke that it is, because it has tablecloths. They’ve gone there dozens of times before; they stop every time they’re in the city for supply runs or visits to Olympus or to harass their summer-only friends at school. There is literally no reason for Nico to be stressing about what stupid shirt he should wear. Gods know Will is wearing cargo shorts.

“Nico!”

“I’m coming!“

Scowling, he digs through the pile of discarded clothes until he finds the first shirt he’d put on — a dark green button up that was given to him, along with a bunch of other fancy clothes he never wears, by the Aphrodite cabin. He hastily shoves their buttons through their holes, cursing when he mixes them up and has to start over, and sprints over to the mirror to inspect himself.

The shirt looks good. It’s a little tight on the arms, which he suspects was on purpose, and the colour compliments his skin nicely. The buttons are a dark, shiny brown that match his eyes. They pair nice with his simple jeans and black vans, casual enough that he doesn’t look like he’s going to Prom, or anything stupid like that, but dressy enough that it looks like he put effort in. He runs his fingers through his hair, trying to make the staticky strands sit right, but gives up pretty quickly. It’s okay if one thing is a little messy, right?

“Finally,” huffs Will as the door swings open. He glances Nico up and down, then grins. “You look great.”

Nico was right. He is indeed wearing cargo shorts, although to his credit they are his one pair without various Head Medic stains. His sweater, too, is a pretty blue, V-necked, long-sleeved, and a completely different style than his shorts. It clashes horribly. His shoes are, for some reason, bright solid pink. Nico suspects Hecate magic. His hair is braided in two French braids, his favourite way to wear it. Nico believes he is also wearing a touch of sparkly eyeshadow.

“You look dorky.”

Will grins wider. “Thank you! I wouldn’t let anyone help me choose something.”

“You should have.”

“I wanted it to be authentic, Nico. Also, got something for you.” From behind his back, he pulls out a handful of daisies, black dirt clinging to their roots, like he plucked them straight from the ground. Nico is inexplicably endeared by the image, and prays the smile on his face is less soft than he knows it is.

“You got me flowers?”

“Well, duh, Avril Lavigne. We gotta sell the scam.”

Nico brings them close to his face and inhales deeply. They smell fresh and earthy and sweet.

“That’s a stupid reason to bring someone flowers.”

“Give them back, then.”

“No. Fuck off. They’re mine.”

Will’s eyes twinkle. “Okay.” He holds out his arm. “Ready to go?”

The jump is close enough that Nico can convince him to shadow travel, and not just because he sadistically looks forward to the shade of green Will’s face will get after. As dangerous as he knows it can be, he misses it, sometimes. There’s something comforting about it, something soothing and familiar. Shadow travelling to the restaurant eases any lingering nerves.

“If you’re gonna throw up, do it somewhere I can’t hear you,” he says as they materialize in an alley.

Will’s cheeks puff out. “I’m gonna do it on your fuckin’ shoes.”

“I will leave your ass here, Solace, I swear to the gods.” Despite his grumbling, he rests a cool hand on the back of Will’s neck until he’s recovered. “Good?”

“Yeah.” He straightens, dusting off his sweater. “Let’s go.”

Nico follows him down the alley and onto the street, elbowing past the crowd of pedestrians until they approach the familiar glass doors. He rolls his eyes fondly every time Will apologizes to someone.

“You need to be meaner.”

Will sticks his tongue out and tries to trip him. Unfortunately, he only manages to throw himself off balance, nearly crashing to the floor of Nico hadn’t caught him.

“Good gods, Solace.”

“That was your fault!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

The doors of the restaurant are absolutely plastered in cheesy red hearts and bows and cartoon kisses. And, as promised, a giant sign promising couples a fifty percent discount on their meals.

“My love,” says Will dramatically, holding out a hand, “shall we?”

Nico sighs, resting his hand delicately in Will’s. It sparks with electricity, like it always does. “I suppose.”

“Party pooper.”

“I’m not hearing oh, Nico, thank you so much for doing this incredibly stupid thing with me, you are my dearest friend and I owe you one. Or three, for some reason.”

Will’s mouth twitches. “Oh, Nico, thank you so much for —”

Nico shoves him, laughing. “Shut up.”

They’re seated pretty quickly, server smiling when they take notice of their clasped hands. Will orders chicken tenders, like he does every single time without fail, and water. Nico orders from the adult menu and absolutely does not make any kind of show about it.

“There is nothing babyish about chicken tendies.”

“Oh, of course not.”

“Is this about you having a credit card? That does not make you more adult than me. It makes you a nepo baby.”

“Mhm. Sure thing.”

“Nobody likes a nepo baby, Nico.”

“Look, I think your drink comes with a complimentary sippy cup.”

Teasing and joking with Will is so easy that Nico forgets the core of their mission. The pink garlands hanging from the ceiling fade into the background — he’s too busy crying with laughter when Will nearly chokes to death on a french fry, too busy flicking a forkful of food at his shoulder just to make him shriek, too busy kicking his shin under the table. He catches Nico’s foot between his the fourth time he tries it, keeping it trapped for the rest of the meal. Nico finds he doesn’t mind.

“And your bill,” says their server when they’re done, setting down a slip of paper. “Forgive me if I’m being presumptuous, but do you two qualify for today’s discount?”

Will smirks widely. “We do,” he says, with no small amount of pleasure. He shoots Nico the least subtle wink of all time. Nico rolls his eyes, cheeks going a little pink.

“Great! You guys have a wonderful Valentine’s day.”

“You, too.”

The server hurries away, turning to their other tables. Will’s smile is wide and smug.

“I knew it would work.”

“Duh. Easiest scam in the world, Solace.”

He sticks his tongue out. “And thus the best payout. You’re welcome.”

“Blah, blah. Gimme the bill.”

“Um, no way, di Angelo. I’m paying.”

He opens his wallet before Nico can stop him, mouthing as he counts the bills.

“What? No! I’m paying.”

“Are not.”

“Am too!”

“Are not.” He sets down a couple twenties. Nico snatches them right back up. “You we’re just complaining about my credit card!”

“Exactly. Thus my need to continue to pretend you don’t have one, so we can continue our friendship.”

“Solace, I swear to the gods.”

“di Angelo, I swear to the gods.”

Nico stares him down. Will stares back. He doesn’t even try to hide his lazy grin, his laughing eyes.

“You’re not paying for this by yourself,” Nico says firmly. “You don’t have a job. My father invented being rich.”

“Sure, but I made you come with me.”

“Ugh!” Nico throws his hands up, imagining how satisfying it would be to wrap his hands around that long neck (followed by his teeth and his tongue and his —). “Why are you impossible? I would’ve gone with you no matter what, stupid!”

As soon as he says it he wants to stick his head in wet cement. For a brief second, something like surprise flits across Will’s face, before he schools it back into his teasing smirk.

“Well, obviously, Death Breath. I’m excellent company.”

“You’re literally the most annoying person I know.”

“And yet here you are, hanging out with me, of your own volition.”

“…I’m paying next time.”

Will grins. “Whatever you say.”

They walk around the city for a while before heading back to camp. Will says it’s because he needs the air, Nico knows it’s because he wants him to rest a little longer before trying to shadow travel again. He tries not to let himself get all melty inside.

(Nobody willingly hangs out around the city for the ‘air’. He’s a shit liar. Nico should be offended.)

It’s nearing curfew by the time they melt back out from behind Thalia’s tree, extra shadows of early evening making the trip easier.

“Those fries are going to make a reappearance,” Will grimaces.

“Not if you don’t want me to kick you in the face.”

“You’d never.”

He would indeed never. But he would rather pass away than admit it, so.

“C’mon, dot face. It’s getting late. You have a cabin to run.”

“Oh, Nico,” Will says in a breathy falsetto, “are you walkin’ me to my cabin? How chivalrous!”

“Nevermind.”

“No no no no no I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Nico allows himself to be tugged, weak to Will’s giggles. “Walk me to my cabin. C’mon.”

Sighing, as if he’s so put out, Nico does. Some point in between Thalia’s tree and the amphitheater, Will’s hand slides down from around his wrist to tangled in between his fingers. Coincidentally, his mouth goes dry.

As they approach the Apollo cabin, Will slows to a stop.

“Hey.” He squeezes their fingers together, smile soft in the dying light of dawn. “I had fun today. Thank you for coming with me.”

Nico swallows. One day, those words will be said in a different context, if everything goes well for Nico, and he’s not sure how the hell he’s going to handle it without bursting into flame. “Yeah, well. Anything to scam a restaurant.”

“Right.”

They walk the last few steps to the cabin, rickety porch steps creaking under their feet as they approach the open door. Will doesn’t let go.

“Hey, Nico.”

“…Yeah?”

Quick as a flash, Will leans in and presses the softest of kisses to his mouth. The noise Nico makes is practically punched out of his lungs, spine going rigid in surprise.

“You can pay for our next date, okay?”

He’s gone before Nico can respond, ducking into his cabin with a small smile and closing the door behind him. Nico stands there, like an idiot, for three solid minutes at the very least, distantly aware of the giggles coming through the open window.

His hand comes up, fingers brushing his bottom lip.

“The little fucker set me up.”

Valentine’s day scam. Please. The only scam today was the scam of Will’s sneaky asking.

Nico smiles.

“You’re a mess, Solace!” he shouts, knowing damn well Will is listening.

He’s right. “Goodnight, Nico!”

Shaking his head, Nico runs back to his cabin, entire body tingling and cheeks aching with his grin.

[transmascissues]

sorry about the out of nowhere ask but i thought id note something minor ive seen around: a lot of the time (especially on reddit) theres a lot of positivity for specifically trans women, and very little for trans men. and if a trans man/transmasc person tries to comment on that they get ridiculed for it. but then if someone posts transmasc positivity at all, people in the comments of that post will talk about how there "isnt enough positivity for trans women" despite the fact that most of the positivity posted is for trans women. i dont know, just something weird (it could also just be because reddit is kinda really different, environment-wise, but considering theres been similar things pretty much. everywhere else. yeah)

i do think a lot of this has to do with demographics – from what i've seen, reddit tends to have more trans women than trans men, so it doesn't surprise me to see more posts that are geared toward trans women there.

tl;dr because this got super long: people are right to say that there isn't enough positivity for trans women, but there also isn't enough for trans men. the fact that so many of us are ridiculed for trying to put more out there is the real problem.

at the end of the day, there really isn't enough positivity for any trans people because most of the world either hates us or wants to forget we exist. we have our little pockets of community where we support each other and lift each other up, but until the rest of society gets on board, it'll never be enough. so even in spaces where there's more positivity for trans women than for trans men, they're absolutely right to say there isn't enough positivity for trans women! and that's why i don't inherently have a problem with spaces like that – trans joy and positivity is always a good thing and always needed, and spreading that for part of the community doesn't take away from the rest of the community, it just means there's some of us are bit closer to getting the kind of love and support they deserve than they were before, and that's a good thing! you can't make everything for everyone, but if we all work at lifting each other up, eventually it'll all balance out and we'll all be better off for it. so if you happen to find a space that's for all trans people but tends to be more geared toward trans women when it comes to positivity, instead of getting caught up in how much positivity for trans women is already there, i think the best thing to do is to add positivity for trans men! we're the ones who lift each other up, so if we see a gap in the support, we're the ones with the power to step in and fill that gap.

and i can honestly understand why trans women in those spaces might get defensive or upset if someone points out the amount of positivity for trans women as if it's a bad thing, even if what that person is actually trying to say is just that they wish there was more for trans men too. i can't really blame anyone for that defensiveness because i feel the exact same way when people point out the amount of positivity for trans men&mascs here as if it's a bad thing, even though i know a lot of them are really just expressing in an imperfect way that they wish there was more for other trans people as well. wanting to defend those sources of joy in a world that offers us so few of them is only natural.

now, all of that being said, what i absolutely DO have a problem with is when that defensiveness gets to the point of attacking trans men's efforts to add positivity for ourselves as well. it perpetuates these false ideas that 1) there's only a finite amount of trans joy that can be expressed and we have to fight over it, and 2) trans men are currently hoarding that finite resource and are obligated to give it up entirely so that other trans people have a chance at getting it. obviously, both of those statements are deeply untrue – one part of the community getting support doesn't take anything away from other trans people because we should all be aiming for more support and positivity, not just redistributing the inadequate amount we currently have to more "worthy" subjects, and it's impossible to quantify how much support each part of the community gets because that's so dependent on the individual spaces you're looking at as well as what you're counting as support. and as much as i can understand feeling protective of our spaces, when that protectiveness leads us to turn on each other and push each other out of spaces that were supposed to be for all of us, that's taking it way too far.

and i also do think there's an attitude in a lot of trans spaces (and in more general queer/feminist/leftist/activist spaces) that trans men are a more acceptable target for that kind of ridicule because we're men and people in those spaces tend to already be very settled into this idea that there's never a bad time to tell men to sit down and shut up, even when the men in question are marginalized and trying to fight against their own oppression. if someone says "ugh there's too much positivity for trans women here," that's going to be met with a lot of people (rightfully) saying "hey, what the hell, man, that's super transmisogynistic." but if the same is said about trans men, those same people have no problem saying "i know, right? men love taking everything for themselves, it's the worst."

and that kind of attitude even extends to trans men simply creating positivity in spaces that don't have as much of it, even if they don't comment at all on the other kinds of positivity that might exist in that space. especially if we dare to add specific mentions of trans men onto an existing positivity post (which isn't actually a bad thing at all! adding more good to a good post doesn't take anything away from the original good!), we're met with a chorus of "wow, why do men always have to make everything about themselves, can't women have anything?" it's a perspective that groups us in with cis men as this privileged horde that talks over everyone else and seeks to dominate every space it enters, completely ignoring the fact that the image of loud domineering men they're invoking is based on cis(het white abled) men who've spent their whole lives being told they're the most important people in every room, which is very different from trans men who were brought up being taught to make ourselves small and be of service to more important people. they forget (or simply choose to ignore) that when we're loud about our needs and experiences and even our joy, it's not because taking up space was a practice passed down to us by our manhood, it's because we had to learn to be loud when we realized that staying quiet meant making it easier for the people who hate us to dispose of us without the rest of the world even noticing our absence.

all of that to say, i absolutely do think you've hit on a real issue here, i just don't think that issue actually has to do with the prevalence of positivity for trans women. it's a lot less about who gets more or less support in any given space, and a lot more about how those spaces react when the less represented groups start making their presence known. and yeah, a lot of trans spaces have some pretty damn awful reactions to trans men who literally just want to lift each other up and feel supported by our community in return.

[yb-cringe]

wanted to let you know your transfem chayanne post has completely and utterly rewired my brain. i will be doing chores and it will pop up and that's all i'll think about for the next 10 minutes. oh i love her she's everything to me. something about both your role models being men and having this idea of warriors and knights being strong men and how it makes her feel like she can never be what her father wants her to be unless she fully dedicates herself to that role and what it implies. just so so good

theres also something to be said about ramón's masculinity, the fact his mustache not being real deeply upsets him, his early relationship with fit and how fit was early on that could be said but that's a different conversation entirely. just something i thought about while considering chayanne. living up to expectations and all that

again, really loved your post. i will now go incorporate transfem chayanne into my headcanons

- @qhideduo

oh i love it. the trans coding of them both just absolutely consumes my brain.

Chayanne already has all of this like. shame about not being enough like techno sometimes, not beinf strong enough to protect lullah or his family. It’s like hardwired into her being.

And by no fault of her family that morphed into feeling like she had to be exactly like phil and techno, her heroes, because the alternative wasnt an option. just take missa’s reaction to her forgetting spanish. what a way to accidentally reinforce that if she changes too much she might not be loved anymore

its not true of course but. shes just a kid.

i feel like shes also just a Pinch resentful of lullah sometimes. because of how very feminine she is. chay probably is more masculine and she likes Being that but often feels like she cant be a girl because Lullah is the way girls are supposed to be. Pretty and gentle and kind and like pink and purple (again; not accurate to all of lullah but)

so post coming out chay just jumps from one fearful need to be like One person to Another. bc god forbid she just be herself :(

[snowingclouds]

I need to yap about Prototype, specifically Alex's change in Prototype 2:

Obviously, heavy prototype 2 spoilers:

What the fuck happened, man?!?!? In the first game, sure, the dude is willing to kill on sight. There's a civilian death counter. The scene after the Greene boss fight? That was so good. He didn't care, just slammed her ass. Anyways: despite all this, he sounds remorseful and dealing with some tangled up shit, yk? There's a line in the helicopter mission where he shouts "Damn you! Damn you for making me do this!" Like, hello? This virus in the shape of some dude can and does feel remorse and turmoil! He hijacked a helicopter to make sure the city didn't explode, and nearly died in the process.

But then comes Prototype 2:

And suddenly Alex is all about infecting everyone and their mother, spreading his virus, and has Blackwatch in his pocket through his Evolved. No remorse, no care for anyone anymore. Isn't there supposed to be like a 2 year difference between the first outbreak and Prototype 2?? Did he just lose his marbles in that time? Did the nuke scramble his brain a bit? Like, what happened??

I get that Alex is a mass murdering, people eating, viral biomass with Mercer's face, but I keep thinking back to the helicopter mission in the first game. His VA sounds like his whole body was put into that line, and it takes place even after he finds out the truth of everything (except Cross, for the time being).

Heller and him have a very similar "kill on sight" rage that I think makes the games fun, and comparing the two between games, theres so many parallels. It's just odd how Mercer has this 180 behavior.

Tbh, I don't mind prototype 2. Without it, we wouldn't have a boss fight with Heller calling Mercer an "emo fuck" and "bitch" like five times. I totally did not get my shit rocked the first time I tried that fight and kept thinking "James shut your mouth I'm getting bodied here". But all in all, it was fun. I think it would be more fun to explore their relationship considering Heller was military and trusted Blackwatch so deeply. Mercer (before Blacklight) knew shit was going down, and then Blacklight/Alex is immediately hunted by Blackwatch and literally eats his way through the ranks. They could've had so much potential for distrust and betrayal on a deeper level than just "muhahaha! Infect the town!", you know?

And another smaller thing:

In prototype one, there's a thing about how Alex isn't Mercer anymore. He has his face, but he's actually just the virus, and Mercer has been dead a while. They're two separate but not people. See the whole thing about "I'm not human, I never was". But in prototype 2, James doesn't have that same thing happen. The whole time, every one of the Evolved seem to be infected people, not people that the virus is wearing as a face, and that's an important distinction. Maybe not so important when you're slaughtering Evolved, but in the scenes with Heller and Maya? That's pretty fucking important. Maya is scared of him at first, and I don't think we're given enough of Heller's thoughts during that. Yeah, he looks distraught in that scene, but imagine how much more so it would've been if they re-explored the whole "not human virus wearing a face" thing some more, especially in relation to his kid.

And sure; maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe even Heller's internal thoughts would've been "who cares" as long as he has the memories of Heller and took off right where he left off, but I still would've really liked to see that come up again.

[endeavorsbiggesthater]

Dabi headcanons

ooc post moment?? yeah fuck it- yall asked and i shall deliver some dabi headcanons- ill tell you which ones are canon for this blog as not all of them are. if you dont like any of these headcanons i dont care- (i do but shhh) just dont bring it up- ANYWAYS ONTO THE HCS

Dabi runs hot, i dont give a shit what people say his body runs hot and its absolute torture for him, using his quirk makes this so much worse and he often gets dizzy when he reaches a certain point (not me projecting onto dabi a bit shhh) canon to the blog

He's bad at relationships- he doesnt really know how to act in them and so will often mess up or just not know what to say.. his way of showing affection most of the time is through helping the person is his own fucked up way, and a lot of the time it involves murder or arson because thats all he really knows how to do in terms of helping. canon to the blog

He doesnt ever really flirt with people in a non joking way, he'll do it for laughs sure but when it comes to actually flirting he just cant for some reason- if anyone does take his joking seriously he will just sorta go along with it tho. canon to the blog

He's had several hookups in the past but he always cut things off before it could have any emotion involved as he wasnt looking for anything serious at the time. did he kill at least one person because of this? maybe :D canon to the blog

Dabi is terrified of end up like endeavor when it comes to relationships and taking care of people, its why hes bad at them and acts like a disaster as the only frame of reference he has for that stuff is his dad. the last thing he wants to do is make his partner cry or be afraid of him even if he acts like hes super dangerous. canon to the blog

Its not so much a crush but dabi absolutely thinks shiggy is hot once he stops wearing the hand on his face all the time, and he will drive the man insane with the shit he'd say. semi-canon to the blog

He doesnt consider most of the league his family, more he considers them his friends, the only exception for this is toga who he absolutely views as a sister. canon to the blog

If he did manage to kill endeavor he wouldnt know what to do with his life, while he acts like it would just fix things and be the best he knows deep down that he would just feel empty without something to hate and obsess over so deeply.. canon to the blog

He wants to fix things with the rest of his family, especially shoto, however he doesnt know how to bring things up or even where to start. canon to the blog

One night stands are something he's way more comfortable with, relationships are just weird for him and theres too many emotions which he hates, but he likes feeling like someone actually needs him for something, even if its not really anything personal. non canon to the blog

ALRIGHT- those are some bigger ones about how he acts- now for a list of random small ones- all of which are canon

he could have stitched his skin together, he just thought staples looked cooler and fit him more

he isnt a huge fan of animals, but he likes cats more than dogs

his quirk doesnt have an official name, however he calls it cremation

he gets drunk as fuck with twice all the time, the two are drinking buddies and it always ends in some dumb shit

there are a lot of pictures of his family that he keeps in his room, all the ones that have endeavor in them hes been burnt out

while he has good control over his quirk most of the time that absolutely goes out the window when hes feeling anything strong, even if hes laughing too hard he can slightly start smoking

he will go along with stupid shit toga suggests to make her happy

giran has had to get him so many new costumes since he keeps burning them

hes killed far more than 30 people, the 30 is just for innocent people, he doesnt consider heroes nor other villains as innocent, so the real number is much higher

he still feels guilty for killing those children from the hospital he woke up in, they never asked to be there after all

the nomu he used in the forest training camp was partly designed by him, he was the one who asked for all the blades and stuff on it

hes dyed his hair many colors before until he settled on consistently dying it black

homura and natsuo are his favorite siblings

when fuyumi was first learning to cook hed refuse to eat the food she made

he may act like hes just annoyed that the other league members got hurt because it makes his plan harder but in reality hes worried for them and will want to hurt anyone who will hurt them

and finally! he cant taste things super well because his tongue is stapled together, however he can still taste enough to enjoy food

[talon-dragonbeast]

hii um feel free to skip this but I kind of need help

so I'm recovering from a huge tr*scum phase and I have realized that maybe kinda sorta I'm otherkin?

but I come from a huge therian hate phase and part of me is still stuck with bigoted beliefs-

before the wave of hate I identified as a furry but I think I'm feeling more and more like I'm otherkin or voidpunk even (I was voidpunk for a long ass time before and it feelt so nice)

I just don't know what to do with myself :( what if I'm otherkin? what terms do I use? how do I get over my hate?

how do I do this? do I need to have like an alter ego or something? how does it feel to be otherkin?

I'm sorry for so many questions and feel free to redirect me someplace else if you can't or don't wanna answer all of this

-🐕

hey, first of all, congrats on being able to leave your hatred behind! that must've taken some guts, im proud of you bud.

now, you are considering a new identity that you were previously taught to hate. thats amazing! but also hard. so, how to figure out if youre otherkin? the answer will vary from person to person, but for me, its a deeply ingrained part of my identity. when i started questioning myself a year ago, it was because i realised that it didnt feel good to call myself human. it didnt feel right, like i was lying to myself. i tried different species labels, to see what fit me the most, and when i found the draconic community it clicked. ive been calling myself a dragon for little over a year, and im happier than ive ever been!

if you think you may be otherkin or otherwise nonhuman, there may be a few signs that point you towards that. why did you start questioning? maybe you felt something wasnt "right" with you or your body, maybe you have instincts or urges that arent completely human, maybe you feel like you have or that you should have certain body parts that you currently dont, maybe you feel a certain connection towards a specific creature, or maybe you just... dont feel human!

i want you to take a piece of paper (or your phone if thats easier, but i feel like writing with a physical pen on a piece of paper makes your thoughts flow better), and to write down all that. make a bullet list, a little essay, a letter; hell, another ask for me would work too. make doodles on the margins when you cant think of anything else to write. draw yourself, draw the body you wish to have, draw the birds on your window or the pen youre writing with. dont worry about the correct terminology, about what nonhumanity is "supposed to feel like" or about how stupid you think this is. this is your journey, not anyone else's.

and when the feelings of hatred or cringe come up again (and they will come up), treat them like any other intrusive thought: acknowledge the feeling, validate it even if its a bit misguided, and then gently push it aside. dont get me wrong, its good to remain a bit skeptical; a critical mind is a healthy mind, after all! but theres a line between critical and hateful. one is useful, the other blinds you. i encourage you to learn as much as you can; hatred often comes from fear, which often comes from ignorance. to get over the hate you must kill that ignorance with knowledge. but dont worry, the community can help you with that!

since you asked, ill leave you some definitions under the cut if you want to take a peek. i strongly recommend you to not get caught up in terms or definitions though; figure your identity first, and then you can learn about the rest later. ill also leave a link to the alterhuman archive, in case you want to read about other peoples journeys:

otherkin: an umbrella term for people who identify as a nonhuman being on a psychological/spiritual/physical level, partially or wholy. the term is popularly used for beings that come from mythology such as gryphons or fairies, but it doesnt have to be. this identity is usually involuntary, and it cannot be turned off at will.

therian: shortened form of "therianthrope", its a term for people who identify as animalistic beings on a psychological/spiritual/physical level, partially or wholy. therians can be earthen animals that exist or have existed on our planet like lions or cows, or mythical beings that are more animalistic in nature such as dragons (some of these use the label theriomythic, but it isnt necessary). this identity is usually involuntary, and it cannot be turned off at will.

fictionkin: people who identify as a fictional character or species on a psychological/spiritual/physical level, partially or wholy. this identity is usually involuntary, and it cannot be turned off at will.

otherhearted: people who identify with a nonhuman or fictional being, instead of as it, to the point that it becomes a part of their identity. includes things like wishing you were this being, feeling like its your family, feeling represented by it, etc. this identity can be spiritual or psychological, and its usually involuntary as well.

copinglinkers/otherlinkers: people who voluntarily choose to identify as a nonhuman or fictional being, either for coping reasons, for confort or for any other reason. this identity is completely voluntary, and can be turned off as necessary.

[malleleothreesome]

So I scrolled down and just met you through your stage sex fic and scrolled through and couldn't find the pt.2 and it has been a month but I only met you today and I haven't read anything else just yet but I will but my question is will there be a pt.2 cause you have me frothing at the mouth for him and if I have to commission u to do it I will!

Hi!!! Thank you both so much for your interest in my fic. @starshiningsirius ahaha I'm truly honored that you would consider paying me for my work 😅💖 It means a lot to me! Unfortunately, I have not started working on part 2 yet. YET!! I promise I'll get it out to you, I still have interest in finishing it. I'm feeling just like a little... blocked on it.

I think it's because I'm unsure of how kinky to make it. I think there are two camps—people who want 3rd years in the audience, and people who don't. Ever since it was first suggested to me, I think having 3rd years in the audience is a really fun suggestion. Tbh, if it was up to me (which I guess it IS adbjasbdiu but that doesn't necessarily mean I'll go through with it)... I think it would really tie into the story if I had 3rd years forced to sit in the audience as they slowly turned into wood 💀 But I know that's like an extremely kinky thing (and really morbid) to do and theres a lot of ppl who would be like 'ew Erica wtf is wrong with you?' (Also if I have Lilia turning to wood I guess he can't film the show for Malleus so like 🤔🤨🧐)—See I have lots of varying ideas.

I also thought about making a separate post that was like "How would 3rd years react to seeing you on stage having sex with Fellow" and that would give all 3rd years a chance to shine while also keeping things separate for people who don't want to read that. I don't know!!! Please feel free to comment or send me an ask with your suggestions! I mean, I'm even open to the idea of including more than just the 3rd years (I know the Tweels are very beloved characters even though I myself am not into them) but I know that creates even MORE of an ick for other people.

My fear is: now that we are getting deep into the smut of it all, I know everyone has very specific tastes, wants, needs, & icks when it comes to sex, so I'm filled with trepidation when trying to come up with the rest of the plot. Since I separated it into part 1 and part 2, I'm kind of afraid of writing something that will ruin part 2 for people who enjoyed part 1 and were eagerly anticipating part 2. Does that make sense? So I'm thinking about it too deeply, and therefore, I am feeling blocked on starting because I want to come up with something that will please everyone.

Like, if I had just released the whole story from the start, people could have chosen not to read it at all if the content warnings weren't their vibe, but noooow... people who read it already are invested in the outcome of part 2. Ah, the pressure! 😩

Realistically, I know I can't please everyone, but I'm still very new to writing (I've only been posting on here around 2 months now!) and I still have that eagerness to want to strive to make everyone happy. So, I guess it's something I have to work through and get over as a writer.

Also, I've been having fun ignoring my Stage Sex Part 2 anxieties by writing completely different prompts for my writing event going on right now lol. However, I think I'll rip the metaphorical band-aid off starting next year (aka like in a few days lol) and just start writing part 2. Hopefully my blockage will melt away and I'll be able to come up with something I'm happy with! At the end of the day, my main goal is to make reader x Fellow have AMAZING sex, so I guess I'll start with that and see what other things I want to add to spice things up at the end.

Again, thank you both so much for your interest, it means the world to me. I hope to get Part 2 out to you ASAP and I hope I can write something that you really enjoy!

[pen-observing]

OH YOURE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT WITH EVERYTHING U SAID.. i remember i read somewhere (i think it was nahidas voiceline??) that dottore never felt like he belonged *anywhere*. which includes the fatui too. and on one hand im grieving the found family harbingers trope we could've had on the other.. man. Man. stares into the distance. scara rlly was the only one who he thought he'd get understanding from, but then it turned out scara never felt like a monster, because he was always accepted, and it made dottore jealous and angry, that a non-human is accepted by humans, but they never wanted to accept or understood him!! so he tried to make scara into a monster like himself, he wanted him to see how much alike they are. but they werent. also the word monster is so often used to call dottore. and sometimes hes grieving that hes a monster, sometimes hes relishing in it, other times hes bitter.. its like. they deemed him the outcast, called him a monster, so he said: u want a monster? so be it.

for a person who claims they care only about knowledge, experiments, logic.. hes very emotional. he cant let go, hes bitter, vengeful even.

U MADE ME THINK NOW OF HOW MUCH I WANT X READER FIC WITH DOTT REALIZING HES LOVED FOR HIMSELF.... THAT THERES SOMEONE WHO SEES HIM AND LOVES WHO THEY SEE (even if that makes both of them a little insane). runs around the room while screaming

oh and btw!! hes actually confirmed to be playable hehe hes gonna be claymore but prolly will get a redesign like scara did

also i hope u dont mind me spamming ur ask box like that👉🏻👈🏻

- dottore anon

'sometimes hes grieving that hes a monster, sometimes hes relishing in it, other times hes bitter.. its like. they deemed him the outcast, called him a monster, so he said: u want a monster? so be it.'

YOU ARE SO RIGHT MY DEAR DOTTORE ANON.

I feel like people, considering his many powers AND crimes, disregard these finer details... I love stories about humans becoming monsters but out of their own humanity and still somehow clinging to it. My favorite characters besides Dottore in anime ever are: Chrollo from hxh, Lelouche from Code Geass and Johan from Monster. I SO HAVE A TYPE. I need a human who overflows so much they turn into a monster of different calibres aaaa !! Something about it just makes me so insane that,,,,all these virtues we hold get held so strongly they lose meaning in the hands of damaged people; and then those people use their high intellect to make everyone else realize how humanity is SO DEEPLY FLAWED that humanity itself creates these same monsters they shun and shame.

WHAT LEAKS ARE YOU LOOKING AT? I haven't seen any about Dottore playable news. I also do not remember Nahida having a voiceline about Dottore at all ??

I don't mind you spamming my ask box at all!! Feel free to drop by whenever u have dottore thoughts you wanna share cus I am a willing listener

[singnied]

Mine or His?

Lee Siyeon x F!Reader

Warnings -> Cheating, degrading, extremely quick burn, uhh... horny Siyeon. :)

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Rain. Rain hitting against the soft umbrella is all you could hear as you waited for your boyfriend to pick you up.

You check your watch, he's late again, isnt he. This is the 4th time he's been late to pick you up. His excuse is always that something came up, but you don't really believe him, do you?

There's a female co-worker that he always tells you not to worry about. But, the way she acts around him.. tells you something different. The way she's so touchy with him, holds his hand, gives excuses for him to come hang out with her; to the point where he's started to drop stuff with you just to be with her.

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Sighing deeply as you turned your phone off, you hear a car in the distance. Its a green mustang. You see the car slowing down, but don't expect much. Probably another person getting dropped off at this shitty place. You don't even know why you come here anymore, probably your addiction to drinking gives an explanation- but you refuse to acknowledge it.

Getting out of your thoughts, the mustang pulls infront of you and rolls the window down. You look at the drivers seat to see a tall red haired woman. Your heart skips a beat, she's pretty, isn't she?

"Whats a pretty girl like you doing out here, baby?"

You pause for a moment, your mind forcing you to remember your boyfriend (soon to be ex).

"Uh... waiting for my boyfriend.."

Theres a pause for a second. The silence gets too loud to bear, until she speaks up again.

"I don't think he'll be here anytime soon, how about I get you where you need to be. Get you out of this nasty rain."

You consider for a moment, thinking she could be an axe murderer or some shit. But her gorgeous eyes and flirty smile gets you too much in a daze to refuse.

"Sure... I don't see why not."

You see her press a button on the side of her door, unlocking the car. You slip inside as you close your umbrella and put it against her dashboard. The moment you put on your seatbelt, she pulled into the road.

"So... whats your name..?" You say in a shaky voice, shivering from the cold air you just had to put up with.

"Lee Siyeon, what about you sweetheart?" She replies, her eyes not leaving the road infront of her

Your head falls back against the seat, taking a deep sigh as your legs finally relaxed.

"Y/N." You mumble.

Theres silence, again. This girl isn't that quick with her replies, huh?

"Cute name, uh.. by the way. Where are you off to?"

You sit up quickly, apologizing for not telling her the moment you got in. All she replied with was a giggle.

"U-uh sorry! I got distracted.. I.. I dont know if I want to go home right now. I'd rather not see... whatever he's up to- if he's even there.."

"I assume that "he" is your boyfriend, yeah? Dont worry, I have room for two at my place" Siyeon says with a sly tone.

You give a quick "thank you", checking your boyfriend's location to find out its turned off. You decide to just stop thinking about him and focus on the pretty girl next to you, driving you to her place to spend the night. I mean.. it's not like this is cheating, it's just.. girls helping other girls right?

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A little later, after chatting and chatting. You get to her apartment. She gets out first and runs over to help you out, her hands are soft. She has a firm grip, but it's soft. You look up at her, eyes making contact, you pause.

"Hmn? Getting distracted?" Siyeon giggles at your embarrasment.

"A-ah- sorry..." You dismiss your little moment as you both run off into the building; forgetting your stuff in her car. She holds your hand while you both speed-walk into the elevator.

"So... tell me about this boy of yours."

You think for a moment, your heart switching from love to disgust.

"He-... I think he's cheating on me, I dont wanna talk about it though."

You hear a sigh emit from Siyeon's mouth.

"I see, don't worry about him. I'll make you forget that dude real quickly."

What was that supposed to mean? Whatever, doesn't matter, anything to get him off your mind.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Walking into her apartment, you realize you left your stuff in her car- whatever, you're too tired anyways... you'll just get it in the morning. You shuffle over to her couch, slumping down on the soft fabric. You pratically melted into it, your body merging and twisting to get comfortable.

"Someone's burnt out. Heh, I don't blame you." She spits.

All you could reply with was a groan, you didn't have the energy to do anything but lay there. Ignoring the noises of Siyeon putting her keys away and walking off into her room.

A few minutes pass, you almost fell asleep- actually. Until you hear movement behind you. You weakly turn your head to see Siyeon with a hoodie and a pair of shorts in her arms.

"You're a smaller size than me but, I dont want you to be uncomfortable while you sleep. The shorts have a string to tie up if it gets too loose." Her hands move forward, holding the clothes out for you.

"O-oh, thank you.." You sit up and grab the clothes from her.

"Bathroom is around the corner in my room, I'll be waiting." Siyeon winks at you and before you could ask what she meant, she walks off into the kitchen, not giving you time to respond.

You sit there hotwiring and red as fuck, this lady really needs to stop being so smooth with you. The touch deprivation you felt because of that dumb boyfriend, really affects you, doesn't it?

You finally get out of your train of thought and quickly waddle away into the bathroom to get dressed.

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You walk out the bathroom, all dressed up in Siyeon's clothes. The shorts rested on your waist, faintly showing your underband. Your eyes scan the room and land on the girl on the bed.

"Hey, (Y/N), come here." Siyeon motions for you from her bed.

You trot over and crawl up besides her, layinh your phone on the nightstand and sinking into the sheets.

"You want the left, right, or bottom side?" She asks, referring to the side of the bed you want.

"...Bottom?" You tilt your head, confused.

You look at Siyeon, her eyes staring right back. Until, in the blink of an eye, you end up underneath her. Arms pinned, face equal to eachother, and legs trapped on the outer part of her's.

"S-Siyeon?.." you stutter out.

"Mhn? What? You don't want this?"

You want to respond, but, her eyes stare into you like bullet. You can feel the butterflies in your stomach forming and fluttering around. Your head turns in the opposite direction, backing down.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Siyeon smiles and immediately dives into your neck.

She leaves hickies and kisses all along you. Forcing and dragging out whines and whimpers from you.

"Fuck..." you whine out. Your wrists pushing up against her strong grip.

"Stay still for me, be a good girl." Siyeon slowly moves down, her hands leaving your wrists and tracing her nails along your exposed stomach.

You look down at her, arms landing besides you as you push yourself up to get a better look at her. She sinks lower and traces her tongue against your inner thigh. Again, leaving her kisses on you. You sigh deeply, seeing such a pretty woman teasing you is enough to make you cum on the spot.

A sudden though runs through your mind, what about your boyfriend?

You open your mouth to talk, but a sudden moan emits from your throat as you feel teeth sink into your thigh.

"W-wait..- what about m-my- b-bo-" She cuts you off, her finger resting against your lips.

"Ah-ah. I don't wanna hear about him, this is about me and you. Not him, be a good girl and shut that pretty mouth of yours, all I wanna hear from it is my name, understand?"

You nodded, the dominance she showed towards you shut you up immediately. Apparently, you annoyed her because the moment you stopped talking, you felt your (her) shorts and panties get tugged off of you, forcing a whimper out.

You barely had time to recover until you felt her fingers press against you, forcing two of them into your hole. You let out a sharp cry, the sudden intrusion making your eyes widen and throat burn. Giving you no time to process, Siyeon forcefully and roughly scissoring into you at a constant pace.

"Stop whining so much, you know you can take it..."

You couldnt even respond to her, too overwhelmed by the pleasure you felt. Your hips jerked down into the sheets, causing your back to arch.

"Oh? You're a sensitive one." Siyeon smirks, her head leaned against your thigh, holding it in place with her free hand. All she did was keep a pace pressing against your sensitive area's, while keeping the cockiest expression printed on her beautiful face. Her heavenly brown eyes stayed glued to your wet cunt giving out the most unholy sounds you've heard. Nobody else could make you this wet, and you know it.

You just met this girl, how could you already be such a dumb mindless girl for her, useless thing.

It was only a matter of time before you felt yourself coming to the edge. You desperately reached your hands down to tap on Siyeon's wrist, trying to signal to her the best you could that you were close; you couldn't talk anyways.

"Oh... someones close isn't she? Cmon, cum for me, pretty girl." Siyeon increased her pace, now using her thumb to stimulate your clit as her fingers pounded you into a new reality.

"F-fu-..- S-siy-eon..~!" You came on sync with her name, whimpering and spewing out the most devilish noises, you didn't even know you could make them.

Siyeon's body moved up to become equal with yours, her fingers slowing down and getting to a point of stopping.

You felt her slowly pull her fingers out, making you twitch. A few seconds passed by under you felt a strong grip on your chin. Siyeon pulled your head in her direction, giving her acces to leave a big lipstick mark on your cheek.

You weakly turned your head to look at her, still panting heavily from your orgasm.

"You look irresistable."

Siyeon licks her fingers, your juices leaving a sweet taste on her tongue. She pulls her fingers out of her mouth and flops ontop of you, wrapping her arms around you and pulling you close to her.

Fuck your boyfriend, he wouldn't treat you like this anyways.

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... erm hi so like ive never written shit like this b4 so if theres mistakes then tell me cause... yeah! Hopefully this isnt too bad, and atleast someone likes it. ;) <3

Also its pretty rushed bc of exams n shit. I'll probably have more detailed stuff after exams lmao.

(this is barely proof-read btw..)

[warmpilsner]

i dont feel Great about sadposting on tumblr particularly when im not really on here much for much else but i dunno man theres that growing up a sad lonely teen on the internet itch that only angsting away on social media can fill. so im giving myself one (1) post because i feel that the state of my me is just plummeting so hard its a little scary. im safe and all im good at keeping myself safe but otherwise ive just fallen back to a point of anxiety agitation dread constant urgency constant restless energy intrusive thoughts to hell and back deeply deeply fragile which is not good at all when i work as a THERAPIST!!!! if i didnt have this holiday coming up i would really be having to consider taking extended sick leave bc i am finding it so hard rn to do therapy im getting triggered by stuff my clients bring to sessions, like not in session in session im totally fine but then later that night or whatever im finding myself experiencing things i havent experienced for years and im like huh wheres that coming from before remembering a client was speaking about it earlier. they warn you about this in therapy school but until now ive been solid enough to cope, like its obviously difficult working w people who experience [fill in the blank of whatever self destructive behaviour thought pattern whatever which i have in some cases very tenuously recovered from] but until now i have been able to stay grounded enough to empathise, draw from my own experiences to do so, but ultimately leave that in the therapy room when i go home. but now im like ouuufhhhhhh oughhhhh and i just feel so awful all the time like my resting heart rate has gone crazy which tbf might be the new adhd meds but man theres just so much shit going on. every time i get a text from literally anyone i want toccry because i feel like they are upset with me or going to ask something from me that i cannot give right now and actually it feels that responding to messages is something i cannot give right now but also im so desperate for connection because i feel so deathly so i am frantically spamming the discord with annoying shit like Hi!!!! Hi!!!!Hi!!!!! everything is so intense and urgent and shaky i feel explosive and out of control i need to MOVE HOUSES i need christmas break i need to lay down and for all of my friends to lay on top of me like a weighted blanket of friendship . we did that on my bday last year like 6 friends i think maybe ill ask for that again on my bday this year it was very calming. breathe breathe breathe baby youre brave you're strong you're doing it youre a bomb ass therapist and your colleagues are gonna love you for bringing them lebkuchen

[weirdcat1213]

TRIMAX VOL 2 YEEP YEEP YEEP

time for the thoughts :D

chap 1:

-YES HES HERE :D

-ok when you think about thats brutal af, this is the worst nightmare of anyone who takes public transport

-:c hes so soft

-the fucker with the balls scared me >:v get out and leave my son alone

chap 2:

-legato eating lmao :b but creepy at the same time

-"no guys we cant destroy him anymore, just traumatize him" what a metal thing to order knives, you sicko

-OH I LOVE THIS SCENE

-vash is doomed to be driven everywhere hes like me fr

-aw he looks tired :c

-nightow honey.....thank you so much for this dumb joke lmao

-yes vash ofc your bf is hiding something but this is not the time to think about that

-oh wait i remember this chapt-...oh fuck

-*insert 98 vash yelling get me out of here*

-"demon priest" nice nickname for your bf

-OH WAIT DO THEY STRAIGHT UP TOLD HIM "he so your brother wants us to traumatize you, yknow the classic stuff" TO HIS FACE I FORGOT

-also NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-PLEASE HE JUST WANTS TO GO HOMEEEEEEEEEEE

chap 3:

-oh the title page of this one *chef kiss*

-OH MAN HES READY TO GET INVOLVED DID I MISS THAT THE 1ST TIME???

-ooooh the betrayal

-oh that line that tries to be a panel line is cool as hell

-...ok i yet dont get much from this battle but pretty cool nonetheless

-i got the final part tho

chap 4:

-ok i do respect samurai guy here tho, die with your principles ma man

-ah no its the timeeeee noooooooooooooo

-im gonna need a hug

-:c

-ok i need the hug now

-IM GONNA START CHEWING GLASS

-"im willing to die so you fucking realize you cant go around in life just running away" is raw af, but replying with "im not gonna shoot you cuz i want to fucking show you hope" is even worst

-NIGHTOW IM GOING TO YOUR FUCKING HOUSE AND after respectfully shaking your hand BITE IT

-the man who bears the role of savior with a smile while it hurts vs the man who bears the role of the murderer without an expression while it hurts...IT ALL JUST HURTS

-MY GIRLS ARE HERE

-AH NAHHHHH I FORGOT ABOUT THATTTTTT

chap 5:

-nooooo stoppppppp :c

-something something, parallel with vash in a escape pod something, something tears

-I HATE LIFE ACTUALLY (the hc of wolfwood having regular nightmares is not even a hc, it actually happens)

-"we need 2 rooms" cmon dont be shy :3

-oh wait i love this chapter :3 even if it has the most unhealthy implications ever like vash omfg cant you just take a fucking break :)

-nah hes not ignorant of anything...hes just really stupid with a big ass heart

-ok i feel like im insulting vash too much rn, its the wolfwood pov mb

-hes so dead

-awww :3 im sorry for calling him stupid, he's just really nice in a world where mercy is basically being stupid

-vash is making the smallest and most pathetic noises and the guy is like "oh wow you can help me come up with a plan? thanks :D"

-woop

-i agree with rob but i also agree with his dad. this ties back nicely with the thing about considering killing people just because of family.

-i mean...yeah theres something deeply wrong with vash...those arent news i think

chap 6:

-wolfwood noooooooooooooooooooooo :c

-wolfwood dont *smack in the head* stop those thoughts rn

-i love wolfwood poking on the subject like "well at least i cant do that cuz IM HUMAN.....what about you vash hm?"

-AND WE LOVE A CHARACTER WHO DOESNT HAVE EVERY VALUE SET IN STONE :D vash ily and your search for an answer sm

-ah that looks pretty :D

-when i tell you THAT FUCKING SCENE HASNT LEFT MY MIND SINCE I READ IT THE 1ST FUCKING TIME. I FUCKING FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT CUZ I WAS SO FUCKING RELIEVED AND THATS ON MY TOP MEANEST THINGS NIGHTOW HAS DONE. AND THIS IS VOL 2 OF TRIMAX

-also lets go back to wolfwood "i don't have the right to hold you" vs vash embracing the hugs ONLY TO GET THIS. WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME NIGHTOW HUUHHHHHHH YOU MF-

(i dont think we'll get this or something similar in stampede but if we do...if we do i will bite people and that's a promise)

chap 7:

-SHUT UPPPP, WOLFWOOD KILL HIM

-YEAH CMON BABY

-im.....im so sad for him

-"the mind of a man is bleeding out".....yeah you can call him that ig

-oh shit thats how this volume ends??? fuck ig????

[sidesteppostinghours]

4 + 5 + 8 + 40 + 34 and I) G) F) for Cyrus Becker my beloved 🧡

afternoon idle!! oh my god questions galore *cracks knuckles* cyrus get your ass over here youre up

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

Very difficult, and at the same time easier than youd think. he definitely doesnt entertain everybody, but hes not unreasonable. hell hear you out if you give him enough reason to (or if he thinks its beneficial to get to know you. do you see why he gets attached to people hes supposed to be manipulating so often). ortega and mortum required him to establish a relationship, which is how they got so close to eachother so quickly. herald got by because cyrus thought hed be a useful contact in the rangers. chen couldve earned his trust a long time ago, they had to work with eachother a lot back when he still ran with the rangers, but chen squandered it on his suspicions and its been too long for cyrus to have any interest in patching up their relationship. argent has largely flown under his radar, she hasnt piqued his interest more than the passing curiosity of why she wanted the regenerator.

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

the default is mistrust. sorry yall, hes not taking any more chances than necessary. hes a telepath, he knows all too well what secrets other people hide, and hes not interested in giving people a chance to prove his suspicions wrong. but after hes grown to trust somebody? its... embarrassing how difficult it is to lose it. even though his trust is much shakier nowadays, you still need to have fucked up Majorly to get him back to mistrusting you. if you somehow manage to do that,,, uhhhh. what do you want on your tombstone? (ig its technically its possible to not die and even earn that trust back??? ortega managed, but thats ortega and hes statistically more likely to kill you or ruin your life. depends on how badly you fucked up. id say theres a good 5% chance youll survive the experience without the need for intense psychotherapy)

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

listen. follow orders. be exactly who we need you to be. cyrus was a deeply rebellious regene, but he wasnt stupid about it. hed go against the mission in secret, and just enough that nobody wouldve been able to trace any problems back to him. that doesnt mean he was never caught, but he was too competent of a regene to be scrapped, which saved him multiple times before. those few times did cause handlers to keep a closer eye on him though, just in case. handlers would usually keep a harder grip on cyrus, hold him to stricter standards. it contributed a lot to his own self talk. SPEAKING OF WHICH:

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

you must imagine me holding him and looking lovingly into his eyes while i dump a gallon of insecurity and perfectionism on him. hes a proud man, he thinks hes better than what other people are capable of, but that arguably makes things worse when he does make a mistake. he of all people shouldnt be like this. add the puppetmaster scar on him and its a hefty load of 'i need to make sure every single step of my plan goes exactly right Or Else." the worst thing about him is that a lot of the petty flaws he thinks apply to him arent correct. AND HE CANT EVEN NAME HIS ACTUAL FLAWS. cyrus you are so smart and walking around with zero self awareness, its the best. please consider stepping into acid.

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? 

hohohohoho. well. the first step is to get him to feel guilty in the first place. traditionally immoral actions arent going to get to him, obviously. the thing that springs up guilt for him most often is themmys death. he has. a Lot of survivors guilt about that. especially because hes convinced himself he couldve done something and *gestures to the ask above*. guilt will haunt him for life if it doesnt get resolved in a healthy way, but hes gotten good at burying his emotions a long time ago. even when he feels like that, he reserves a specific time to think about it, otherwise itll impede on his plans in the long run. that designated time is. usually when hes supposed to be sleeping. his sleep schedule is just a little bit messed.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

oh dude i Love putting cyrus in aus. its so fun to poke him with a stick and see what happens. the first one i put him in was a band au, it helped me figure out how he would interact with herald. basically cyrus was a masked guitarist (for backstory reasons) for a band daniel happened to be a fan of, except the two of them managed to meet at just regular old work, with cyrus not realizing daniel was a fan and daniel not realizing cyrus was from one of his favourite bands. it led to fun, mlb-esque shenanigans between the two lmfao. the second one i put him in was the becker siblings au, which i still have thoughts and emotionsTM about. that au let me indulge in the 'cyrus is an older sibling' headcanon and i will forever be in debt to it for the amount of protective cyrus i got. third and current au im obsessing over is a 'cyrus survives hb' scenario, where ortega managed to stop him before he jumped out the window. i am getting! so much ortega x cyrus content out of that au! and so much survivors guilt cyrus. cyrus 'using' ortega to forget about heartbreak my beloveddddd. he also says 'i love you' to ortega in this au and canon ortega is SO jealous. also x2, hes an alcohol vice step in this au. heartbreak hit hard and the tequila hits different.

aaaand i still like his canon version better. its just so very much him. out of every step ive got, hes the one i get to stay closest to how i envision based on the choices the game offers. plus he caught me completely by surprise suckerpunching me with an obsession over him and i cant Not respect that.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

not sure whether this means on a character creation level or as a person, but ill answer for 'as a person' because im overall pretty satisfied with how he turned out! but like. god what is there to not be bothered about. my manipulative little shit of a son. ig the trait that frustrates me the most is his self destructive tendencies. like. Sir. are you at all aware of the fact that people care for you and want you safe? and that you can respond to that concern with something other than "i can use this", "sucks to be them", or, "no theyre not"? sir. sir answer the question. hes so empathetic and also literally a telepath but somehow cant compute genuine concern at him. as frustrating as it is though, i cannot deny that it is deeply funny to watch him fumble so badly.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

normal. the ones where people look at me and think "wow, that is a person who is having (a) regular thought(s) about their character! very cool!" you will never see a person who is more normal about their guy than i am (i am grabbing him by the teeth and shaking him like a dog with a very strong kill instinct).

truly though, thinking of him gets me buzzing. hes like a puzzle, i keep breaking him apart and putting him back together again to see how everything works. i have this thing where ill often think about showing character analysis to the characters themeselves, just to see how they would react, and i undeniably do this the most with cyrus. i want to explain step by step (hah) why he is the way that he is now, like the whole timeline is plotted inside my head and its so!!!!! i am!!!!! chewing on him!!!!!

questions from here!

[lanchang]

hua cheng zealot anon: yessss you get it, hope you enjoy the fics, ill find the title of the other one i mentioned tmrw hopefully. to my point, let me also add: theres this gorgoeus fanart by malinanan: malinanan.tumblr.com/post/671091738327269376/uwu-uwu and i adore this hua cheng, he has the exact kind of look in his eye and the grip on xie lian's robes that just convey everything i need, like hes trying to be so good but cant help holding on for dear life. like i cant help but find THAT compelling, i dont even have to think about xie lian in this scenario, but xie lian here is also really good.

And to circle back to xie lian a bit, i think if the novel wasnt from his perspective it would serve his character so much better sometimes, because while we get those moments where we, as readers, could have reason to doubt xie loans presented persona right, he ultimately feels very safe, as we know how resigned he was and is to lifes misfortunes. I found it exciting every time something unsavoury was implied about him (my own mu qing reaction to gilded banquet moments) but ultimately there was an expectation that somehow it will boil down to his self sacrificial penance. But what if, along with hua cheng at some point, we could have actual doubts about xie lians motivations or seriously consider accudations made against him - or even worse/better, what if we were reading a story where hua cheng is so devoted to a god whose intentions only we, as readers, do not trust. The stakes are So serious to hua cheng, but throughout most of the story xie lian is so resigned to his 'carpe diem' grind that the stakes do not feel as dire, hes died and suffered so much, whats a little more. AND not trusting xie lian ,as readers, would have automatocally raised the stakes for us too...

ooooh wowwwwwww that is some good fucking art 😵‍💫😳🥴🥴😵‍💫 yeah i think that aspect of hua cheng is actually very compelling its just not explored its more of a given throughout more or less the whole story. but yeah that side of him must want to be fanatical and desperate but he holds that back so much but it is crazy to think about for real like what if god loved you back!!! but you couldnt just express it because what if he didnt and what if it was too much or what if you let him down???? crazy </3

soooooo true that would have been really fun for xie lian as a character to have that doubt about him like his resignation and unbothered attitude about his past could hint at a secretly deeply uncaring nature deep down like WHAT IF there was a possibility everyone was actually right about him as a god of misfortune.... and yeah the stakes are WAY higher for hua cheng this is what his whole existence is for and for xie lian its kind of just a weird tuesday and hes a got a crush. but if we werent always privy to xie lian's thoughts it would make us care more about hua cheng's desires for him.... intriguing!!!!

[luxeberries]

dustin is genuinely such a good, sweet person and i feel like its often overshadowed by his bitchy nature (which i love sm) and i just...i think about him and dart so much because of what he says to mike in defense of himself: 'we have a bond because he trusts me' and he even goes as far as to say 'just because hes from the upside down doesn't mean hes evil' which is like. the only time anyone has ever voiced that thought in 4 seasons - that the upside down and the creatures that live there might not be innately evil. (and i could make an entire other post about how dart proves that the upside down isnt inherently evil but thats for another time- ) and its because dart is his friend, which the show established in s3--

dustin has certain issues with his own friends drifting from him and theres that bike scene with mike in season 1 where he's just okay with the fact that lucas and mike are best friends and dustin is, like, lesser because he was the last to join and lives further away (which, as mike says, he isnt lesser). but hes just okay with that. until s3 where they all blow him off after hes been away for months and he feels neglected! hes upset! he complains about it to steve!

so dart is, like, this little helpless, harmless, mysterious critter he found eating junk in his trash. and i might be going off base but id argue that not only does dustin consider dart a friend, but also he sees himself in dart. they both like nougat, for one, and dustin is established to be a food-lover (which i fucking adore), and dart is toothless, like him.

not only does being toothless make dart (appear) harmless (and so very cute, so adorable), but it makes him like dustin. in s1 dustin was missing his front teeth (i dont actually know the deal with gaten's teeth in s2+3 but anyway) and was mocked for it, even named 'toothless' by his bullies.

i think its definitely arguable that dustin defended dart even when the evidence pointed towards something sinister because he was a kid and he thought dart was his friend and he felt betrayed and was in denial that he was wrong about his new friend, but i also think dustin just. sees the best in people. he saw the good in dart and even when dart is full demodog, dustin still trusts dart enough that he allows his friends to walk past him while he distracts dart with nougat. he knows that bond is still there, he knows that dart still trusts him.

dustin sees the best in people, he sees the best in dart, he sees the best in eddie and yeah im gonna compare his bond with dart to his bond with eddie now. both were said to be evil, both were cared for deeply by dustin, who hid them away from those who said they were evil. dustin is adamant to both max and steve that eddie isnt bad, eddie is a good person, his first reaction to 'eddie is suspect number one' is 'thats crazy. there is no way' and his first reaction to 'dart is from the upside down' is 'that doesnt mean he's bad', i jsut. fuck.

he saw the good in steve too. like yeah sure at first he just needs steve's protection, but he is the first of the kids to cheer steve on and call him awesome and when he needs help in s3 he goes to steve again over his own friends, and in s4 he 'insisted' that steve was a badass to eddie, who has only ever known steve as king of hawkins high, because he wanted eddie to know how cool and good steve is now and was probably even offended when eddie inevitably laughed in his face about it.

dustin wears his heart on his sleeve and just. in general is such a good kid. all he wants is for his friends to be safe and happy, he doesn't like to argue with his friends - when lucas and him get in a spat about dart and max, dustin tries to stop the argument by saying 'we both broke the rule of law, we're even' - hes the first to apologise to max when mike excludes her from the party meeting, he's so gentle with eddie in the boathouse, realising eddie cant handle touch and keeping his voice calm and quiet as he delicately explained the truth of hawkins.

UGH i just. i fucking love dustin so much.

bonus s1 dustin (and lucas, mostly lucas what a sweet kid) being sweet with el.

[venihime]

for ask game - rendoc & 5, 15 and 39 maybe?

i really enjoy reading your thoughts on them, idk i just like the way you see them

ueeee thank-you, i care them deeply and im glad someone else agrees w how i Percieve them :'D

5. Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about?

I don't think they argue often tbh. Like them bickering and disagreeing over silly things isn't uncommon, but I wouldn't call it arguing in the slightest LOL. The biggest dispute they've had in their relationship is the whole,, Doc declaring the Perimeter independent while Ren was king.

Though I think it's good that they don't really ARGUE that often since I think an argument between the two of them would be. Well. Either they'd either be completely fine OR there'd be tension and hefty miscommunication bc they can both have quite big heads and while they don't usually let that affect their relationship at all, it has the potential to affect them in a very bad way depending on how both of them feeling upset and their defense mechanisms clash.

15. How do they keep in contact when they're apart? Do they write letters, talk over the phone, or simply wait out the time?

I feel like when they're apart, having no contact is always completely unintentional on both sides. Neither of them actively avoid social contact, let alone each other, so they will shoot each other a message or call if they realize they haven't talked in a minute and they REALLY miss each other, but in general I feel like they usually just. Wait out their time apart? Like I'd consider them both pretty comfortable in their relationship so they know that sooner or later one of them will reach out when they're done focusing intensely on whatever project they're working on and it's never been much of an issue. Though I do think Ren is much more likely to reach out to Doc and seek that connection bc he's very direct while Doc is more likely to wait for Ren to seek him out if Ren needs his alone time bc he is fine waiting until Ren is ready, even if he rly misses him yk?

39. When and how did they admit that they loved each other? If they haven't yet, why?

Ough,,, okay so. I actually don't think they've directly said I love you yet!! Not in like a directly romantic sense? They've had feelings for each other for like four seasons, and they've had an entire thing going on for at least three seasons but I don't think it's something they've ever made official.

Not bc they're afraid or unsure, but bc they're both comfortable within the dynamic they have where they love each other and care for each other in their own ways, and they just don't know how to go about having a conversation that could change what they already have since theres just no way they both aren't at least somewhat aware their relationship isn't completely platonic. They drift somewhere comfortably between friendship and more, where they have and do say they love each other but they haven't established/defined their relationship officially I guess :D

[clownfucker9000]

3 6 9 11 12 and ACD for Ishtar

Booboo the Fool: 3.-How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?) just as with eating he doesnt really need to sleep to function but he does it anyway, in this case bc being unconscious is a nice break from everything that happens around him. Luckily for him hes able to just close his eyes and will himself to sleep god i wish that were me

6.-Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable? since he was brought into existence hes always been told that everything the cult does is For A Reason and that it has to be done that exact same way because theres no second chances or opportunities so hes internalized that preeettyyy deeply

9.-Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word? oh absolutely, thats a side effect of hanging around Jazz tbh; and yeah he does, he told one of the highest ranking members of the cult to their face to "shut the fuck up" one day they were being way too fucking pedantic. That might have been the one and only time Jazz looked at him with something resembling pride :3c

11.-How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)? again, its in the cult's best interests to keep him as in the dark and as ignorant as possible, so he has learn not to ask questions out loud; hes not stupid though and if its something he really wants clarified and thinks he can get away with he will try to find a way to search for answers. If its something very minor tho he might straight up just ask Jazz when theyre alone

12.-How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach? thats what his bestie Jazz is for :3c 4 me :3c A) Why are you excited about this character? i love tragedy i love suffering i love weird codependence and hes made for that skjhjkhfkjfsdj

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story? at first yeah, when he was fresh out of being a fan oc, but i thought at least aesthetically he would fit in in Jazz's universe and from there their dynamic and his role in the story were constantly changing until i got to where he is now lol

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look? surprisingly enough he is one of the few ocs i have that havent had much of a change since i created him i mean he looks different every time i draw him but thats skill issue on my part