#these are all just reminders that i need to continue surrounding myself with people reaching out to them letting myself be vulnerable | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lilacmingi · 1 month

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MALEFICENT (DISNEY VILLAINS AU)

My works are 14+ ONLY. If you’re under 14 DO NOT interact with me or any of my works.

Pairing: Maleficent!Seonghwa x Princess!fem reader

Word count: 6,675

Note: Reminder to please not spam-like my works! Reading through a series and liking each part when you’re finished is fine but if you wanna have multiple works of mine saved to read later, like my masterlist instead! :)

In a kingdom tucked between rolling foothills and towering mountains was a beautiful princess who lived in a castle. She was the eldest of the King and Queen and was sought after by many men.

One day while out on a walk, she met a boy with horns and large wings that spread out past his shoulders. Though the boy seemed younger than her, his appearance was still intimidating and daunting.

The princess was terrified. She had never seen a creature such as he and cowered away in fear. He insisted he meant no harm, trying his best to assure her he wasn't a threat. He introduced himself so that maybe it would ease the girl's nerves. It took some patience and a bit of convincing until the princess hesitantly and cautiously began to approach the boy.

They somehow ended up talking and the princess soon found out he wasn't such a bad guy after all, in fact, he was pleasant to be around.

After that day, they continued to meet up, going on walks together, admiring nature, and sharing stories. The winged boy had fallen for the princess along the way, despite her being five years older than him. Seeing as he hadn't met many people, the age difference wasn't a problem in his eyes; she was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

Time passed and eventually he couldn't take it anymore, couldn't hold back his feelings. He needed to set them free.

One sunny spring day, he led the princess out to a field overlooking the glistening streams winding and twisting throughout the valleys below. He poured his heart out, confessing the strong adoration he held for the princess.

Her bright smile faded as he laid out his heart.

"I'm sorry. I've already fallen for another." She told him.

It felt as if his heart was shattered—more like crushed.

He asked why, begged for a further explanation. The princess returned with a simple response.

"I love him."

That made the boy angry. They spent all that time together and she fell for another man?

"Is there something wrong with me?" He asked sharply.

"I'm sorry. I've only ever seen you as a younger brother. Even so, I don't think I could be with someone such as yourself."

"Such as myself? What's that supposed to mean?"

The princess began stumbling over her words, desperately trying to come up with an explanation.

"That's not what I meant." She tried to say.

The boy was already angry, but that comment sent him over the edge.

He lashed out at the princess, enraged that she didn't return his feelings and even more so that she referred to his appearance in a negative way. As he spit his words of poison, the sky turned gray; his powers unknowingly effecting the weather.

He told the princess he never wanted to see her again and disappeared, deep into the woods never to return.

Six years passed. The boy was now a man; 23 to be exact. Heartbroken and emotionally destroyed, he kept himself hidden in the forest, his home now surrounded by thorns to keep everyone away. He would never let his heart get broken again.

He hadn't seen another human in years so he assumed the wall of sharp spikes worked, until one day.

You meandered down the trails that lined the hillside. Life as royalty is suffocating, especially when you're always getting compared to your older sister. It's physically and emotionally exhausting and sometimes you just need to get away from it all.

You took in a deep breath, inhaling the fresh air; the many scents of nature mixing and mingling together in the most magical way. You trekked up the hill, admiring the beautiful flowers and wild plants that dotted it.

You reached a nice, flat area, sitting down in the lush grass and admiring the view. Scanning the horizon, your eyes landed on the tree line that sat on what everyone calls the boundary line. It was strange to you how the weather was different above the large cluster of trees compared to the rest of the sky. The clouds at the boundary line and beyond were dark and looked ominous. Not only that, but an area that overlooks the valleys was even affected by the dreary and bleak weather. No flowers or plants grew in that spot which you found odd.

You looked down at the tree line once again. There was something that tugged at your chest, drawing your towards it. It was an odd sensation that you hadn't felt before. Without realizing, you stood up, descending down the hill towards the edge of the forest.

You didn't think twice when you stepped over the boundary line and into the lush and mysterious grove.

The atmosphere became colder, darker, and even a bit eerie as you moved deeper into the woods—despite that, you refused to turn back, feeling like you needed to keep going.

You came upon a large wall of thorns that blocked the way. Your brows knit together as you tried to get a peek at what was behind it.

"What are you doing here?" Someone asked.

You let out a short gasp, spinning towards the voice.

Standing a few feet away was a man. His raven hair reached below his cheekbones, black tendrils hanging over his extremely handsome features, pointed ears peeking out from his dark locks. Emerging from the top of his head were two rather large horns, even larger wings on his back.

"Oh. I'm terribly sorry." You apologized.

"You need to leave." He spoke sharply. "You don't belong here."

"My apologies. I didn't think anyone lived here."

"Well, I do."

"What's your name?" You inquired.

"You don't need to know my name."

"But I'd like to."

He clenched his jaw, refusing to answer.

You tilted your head as you looked at the massive pair of wings on the man's back.

"I'm gonna call you Birdie."

"There's no need for that."

"So, you're gonna tell me your name?" You raised a brow.

"No."

"Okay then, Birdie."

He let out a long, drawn-out sigh.

"Seonghwa." He finally answered.

"What was that?"

"I'm not gonna say it again."

"Seonghwa." You repeated. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Y/n."

"I know who you are." He snapped.

"You do? But, I've never met you."

"I already asked you once. Leave."

You took a few steps forward, obeying his wishes only to stop when you got near him.

"Why do you live here? It's so dark and it seems a bit lonely."

"I like it that way."

You didn't respond as you walked away, leaving the strange man in the woods.

Seonghwa stood and watched you leave, wanting to make sure you didn't turn around—you didn't.

"Y/n L/n." He muttered under his breath his face scrunching in distaste.

He was glad you left. He couldn't hardly look at you without thinking of her.

Thoughts of the winged man in the woods filled your mind to the brim even after you returned home. You couldn't just forget about him, your good nature wouldn't let you. You knew something was troubling him. It was very clear that he was in anguish. You felt that tugging in your chest whenever you thought of him. That let you know you needed to go back to the man—and that you did.

Unfortunately, you weren't able to get away from the castle for a couple days thanks to your royal duties. However, today was perfect.

"I'm going out for a walk." You announced.

"Don't go past the boundary line, okay?" Your father called.

"Of course. I'll be sure to steer clear." You lied through your teeth, stepping outside.

The bottom of your shoes hit the grass rapidly as you raced across the field to the boundary line and into the forest.

"Seonghwa?" You called out.

No answer.

Assuming he was at home, you headed to the wall of thorns you were at just a few days prior. His house most likely resided just past the large barrier which you couldn't see past.

"Is anyone home?" You shouted.

Nothing.

"Seonghwa?"

Still no answer.

You let out a sigh and stepped away, going to search the woods. You very well could have just left, but something in you felt like this man needed you.

Leaves crunched beneath the bottom of your shoes as you trekked through the forest, determined to find the winged man.

Said man was out and about, flying above the trees. He loved the way the wind felt brushing past his wings and hair. He felt free and like he didn't have anything to worry about. That feeling, however, was diminished immediately when he saw you walking below.

You heard the sound of wings flapping above you. Lifting your gaze, you saw Seonghwa descending from the sky.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his tone sharp and tinged with annoyance.

"I came to see you."

"You wasted your time. Go away."

"I just want a moment of your time. Please."

Seonghwa's jaw clenched. This was only his second time meeting you in person, but you infuriated him to no end.

Suddenly, vines emerged from the ground, wrapping tightly around your body and constricting your arms. You gasped, your heart jumping in your chest.

"What do you want?" He hissed, bringing his face closer to yours.

"I just feel like you need a friend."

"I don't need anyone." He seethed. "I'm not some charity case, okay? So stop treating me like one."

"That's not it. I just..." You trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"You just what?"

"I can't explain."

"Good." The vines loosened and retracted into the dirt. "I didn't wanna hear it anyway. Now leave and don't come back."

"But—"

"Leave!" His voice boomed.

You cowered slightly, shaken by his sudden outburst.

"Can I just ask you one question?" You asked weakly.

"If it'll make you leave, yes."

"Why are you the way that you are? Did something happen to make you this way?"

Seonghwa's jaw tightened. How could you ask something like that?

"That was two questions." He remarked.

"Someone hurt you in the past." You stated.

His eyes widened just slightly, but he was quick to recover, putting on his usual stony expression.

"I don't know who hurt you, but I'm truly sorry. I'm sure you didn't deserve it."

"I don't want your sympathy." He spat. "You don't know anything about me."

"That may be true, but I know someone hurt you deeply."

Your questions and responses were getting a little too personal for Seonghwa's liking. He wanted you out of his forest immediately.

"Get out of my sight before I burn you to a crisp." He snarled, green flames beginning to emerge from his palm.

You stared at the viridescent blaze before moving away from the winged man. You were afraid you had pushed him too far and you really didn't want to get yourself killed trying to befriend this strange forest-dwelling man, so you decided to give up.

"As you wish." You murmured, turning around and walking away.

The flames dissipated from Seonghwa's palm as he watched you get further and further away, but the more distant you got, the guiltier he felt. Why did he feel guilty?

He rolled his eyes and let out a huff before shooting off towards you. With a few flaps of his wings he was directly in front of you, stopping you in your tracks.

"I have a question for you." He spoke. "How do you know someone hurt me? It could be something else, so why did you say that?"

"Well, normally when someone shuts themselves off from the world and isolates themselves, it's because someone hurt them. When I said that, your eyes twitched. Actually, they widened slightly, but you were so quick to cover it up, it looked like your eyelids twitched."

The expression on Seonghwa's face changed slightly and you could tell he was surprised by your response.

"I'm very perceptive." You explained.

"Evidently so."

"Well, if that's all you needed, I should be going." You took a step forward only for him to stop you.

"Wait."

You turned to face him, watching as he slightly rolled his eyes, letting out a sigh as if he was dreading the words he was about to speak.

"I'm... sorry." He forced out. "I shouldn't have been so harsh with you."

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

"Do you want to come back to my place? I could... make you some tea." The offer was genuine, but he seemed hesitant about it.

"I would love that."

"Very well." He gave a short nod and headed back towards his place.

You followed behind until he came to a stop at the large wall of thorns, waving his hand over the prickly, dead vines. You watched in awe as they separated just enough for the both of you to pass. Behind the thorn barrier sat a quaint little cottage, which you couldn't even see if you were standing outside the wall.

The interior of the cabin was incredibly cozy and had a warm ambiance to it. There were dried flowers in frames on the walls, books lining the shelves, along with little trinkets and tchotchkes littering the shelving.

"Have a seat." Seonghwa gestured to a small table as he proceeded to the kitchen.

You twiddled your thumbs anxiously as Seonghwa prepared tea for the both of you.

You watched from the table as he worked until the hot beverage was finished. He brought over a teapot and two cups, pouring tea into each one. You quietly thanked him and took a small sip.

"Now, why have you come back here?" He inquired bluntly.

So we're getting right down to business. You thought to yourself.

"It's silly." You brushed it off.

"What's silly?"

"The reason why I came back."

"I'd like an answer regardless of how it sounds."

"Very well." You sighed. "I felt a tugging in my chest. I felt like I was being pulled towards you. I don't know why, but I assume I wasn't feeling that way for no reason. Maybe it was my conscience."

Seonghwa's thick brows pulled together in a almost suspicious manner as he eyed you.

To be honest, your answer didn't sound outlandish to him. In fact, you were probably right. Your conscience was telling you to come see him for whatever reason. That he could understand. What he couldn't understand was why it had to be you.

"Right. So, you had this tugging in your chest. Your conscience, inner voice, whatever drawing you here. Now what?"

"I don't know." You shrugged. "I was kind of hoping we could be friends."

Friends? Seonghwa thought.

Why would he want that? Why would you want that?

You took a sip of tea and cleared your throat, feeling a bit awkward due to the silence.

"You have a lovely home." You complimented.

"Thanks."

"So." Your nails tapped lightly against the glass of the teacup. "What sort of creature are you, if you don't mind my asking."

"I'm a dark fairy." He answered.

"Ah. I've heard of them, I've just never seen one before. Your kind must be rare."

"They are."

Well, this conversation is going nowhere. You thought, sighing internally.

Your eyes drifted down to the table, staring at the grain of the wood like it was the most interesting thing in the world. In that moment, it was.

"Sorry." Seonghwa spoke up. "I haven't spoken to another person in a while. I'm not used to having guests."

"It's fine." You brushed it off.

"So, do the king and queen know you're here? I'm sure they wouldn't want the princess hanging out with someone like me."

"How do you know I'm a princess?"

"I told you I know who you are."

"Right." You muttered. "To answer your question, no."

Seonghwa raised a brow. "Really? You're doing this behind their backs?"

"I am."

"Hm." He hummed. "Maybe I underestimated you."

"Maybe you did." You shrugged. "So, are you gonna tell me who hurt you so bad?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's not the time." He answered, simply.

The atmosphere became quiet again and you struggled to come up with something to talk about.

"I like the dried flowers you have framed on the walls."

"Thanks. I did that myself."

"You did?"

He nodded.

"You have some near knickknacks on your shelves as well."

"I collected most of them. They're all from different places. Some were even gifted to me by some of the creatures that used to dwell in these woods."

Your eyes sparkled as Seonghwa talked, he hated it. He hated it because it made him feel things. Feelings he hadn't felt in so long.

That's why it was so hard to just push you away. He couldn't help but want to be nice to you.

"The tea is really good." You mentioned.

"Thanks. It's my own tea."

"You make your own tea?" You asked.

"I do. I collect berries and stuff in the woods, dry them out, and make my own tea bags."

You found that extremely endearing for some reason. Perhaps it was because Seonghwa seemed so intimidating and knowing he made his own tea made him seem a bit softer.

You returned home from yet another "walk." That was the excuse you used when you went to spend time with Seonghwa. You felt that you had made lots of progress with him. He no longer seemed distant when you spoke and he had even smiled a few times. Something else that changed was the feelings you developed for the dark fairy. The two of you had only known each other for about three weeks, but it felt like much longer.

You pushed open the doors to the castle and stepped inside only to be met with your mother and father, who looked rather worried.

"Where have you been?" Your dad asked.

"I told you, I went out for a walk."

"You were gone for so long." Your mom mentioned.

"I guess I lost track of time. Sorry."

"Well." Sighed your father. "It can't be helped. Come here. There's someone I want you to meet."

Your parents led you into the common room where you saw a woman and a younger man sitting on the couch.

You vaguely recognized the two, but you knew they were royals from another kingdom.

"Y/n, this is Queen Son and Prince Dongju."

"Hello." You bowed, politely.

"We invited them over because there are things we needed to discuss." You dad explained.

"What kind of things?" You asked.

"The wedding." Dongju's mom mentioned.

"Wedding?" You questioned.

"Oh." His mom placed a hand over her mouth. "She doesn't know yet, does she?"

"Mom, dad, what's going on?"

"Y/n, Dongju is your fiancé." Your dad said.

"Fiancé?!" You exclaimed.

You hadn't meant to raise your voice, but this was news to you.

"Honey, please calm down." Your mom spoke quietly.

"You've never discussed an arranged marriage with me." You spoke more calmly, trying not to let your temper get ahead of you.

"We know." Your dad nodded.

"Then why? You both told me I could be with whoever I wanted."

"You're getting to the age where you should start settling down. We've been waiting for you to find someone, but you haven't."

"So, I took too long?"

"That's not why." Your mom cut in.

"Maybe I just haven't found the right person."

That was a lie. You had found the right person. You knew your parents wouldn't approve of him, though. Especially considering the fact that he lived behind the forbidden boundary line.

"It doesn't matter now. We've chosen Prince Dongju for you to marry." Your dad spoke. "He's a wonderful young man and you two getting married will be good for both kingdoms."

You sighed, knowing you couldn't do anything about it.

"Now, we would like for the two of you to get to know each other. Him and his mother will be staying with us for the next few days so the two of you can get acquainted. That means no more going on walks."

You felt all the blood drain from your face as your father said those last few words.

No more walks.

That means no seeing Seonghwa until the prince and his family leave.

The first day was torture. All you could think about was Seonghwa. You wondered how he was doing and if he wanted to know where you were. Was he waiting for you?

Millions of questions swirled in your head as you sat with Dongju. You were hardly able to keep a conversation going as your mind filled with more thoughts of Seonghwa.

"Oh. I have a twin brother."

You blinked a few times, zoning back into the conversation.

"Hm?"

"I have a twin brother."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He's my fraternal twin. His name is Dongmyeong. He's back home with my father. Someone had to stay behind and run things while mother and I made this trip here."

"Ah." You nodded. "Is it hard to being away from your brother?"

"Not really. We're close, but sometimes I need a break from him." He chuckled.

Meanwhile, the dark fairy sat at home, his fingers tapping against his table.

"Where is she?" He asked, aloud.

He wondered where you were and why you hadn't showed up yet. He quickly decided that you were probably busy and chose to brush it off. Plus, he was still in denial of his feelings for you and forced himself to think that he didn't care for you as deeply as he really did.

You sat in your room, a heavy feeling in your chest. You missed Seonghwa. You hadn't seen him in three days and you wanted nothing more than to go spend time with him.

A tapping on your window caught your attention. You glanced over at the glass doors to your balcony, gasping when you saw Dongju outside. Jumping from your place on the bed, you scrambled over to the doors, stepping out on the balcony.

"Dongju, what are you doing here? Did you climb up here by yourself?"

"I did." He answered, breathlessly. "I wanted to talk to you."

"And you couldn't use my door to do it?"

"I had to speak to you privately. I didn't want anyone to see me."

"What's so important that you had to climb my balcony to tell me?"

"I don't want this marriage either."

Your eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yeah. You're a sweet girl, but I don't feel that way about you."

"I feel exactly the same. You're really nice and I like you, but not in a romantic way."

"I'm glad we're on the same page." He smiled. "I've been wanting to tell you, but every time we get "alone" time, my mom or your parents are nearby. I just felt that I couldn't tell you this knowing they were around."

"I totally understand." You nodded. "So, what should we do about this?"

Seonghwa had become worried at this point. He hadn't seen you in three days. He went back and forth with himself trying to decide if he was going to see your or not. He really wanted to, but he hasn't left the forest ever, especially not after she broke his heart.

Before he could change his mind, he got up and hurried outside, taking to the sky.

He flew directly to the castle, hoping to see you—and he did. Upon his arrival, he spotted you and some guy outside on a balcony. You were chatting with him, looking more than happy as you did so. Seonghwa's chest began to ache as that all-too-familiar feeling of heartbreak crashed over him, except this time it was worse, so much worse.

"Okay. So we talk to our parents tomorrow and tell them we both don't want this marriage." You stated.

"Right." Dongju nodded.

"My parents are very understanding, so I'm sure we can get this sorted out."

"I hope so."

"Thank you for coming to talk to me." You thanked him, leaning in to give him a hug of appreciation, which he kindly returned.

As if things weren't bad already, you leaned in and hugged the guy. Seonghwa's heart felt as if it was being crushed. He wanted to cry, but more than anything, he wanted to do something bad—something horrible. He could feel the heat of his powers rising to the surface of his palms as small, green embers began to emerge from his hands. Then, your eyes met his.

Your brows raised at the sight of him. You hadn't expected to see him outside of the forest, let alone outside your home.

"Seonghwa!" You called out, parting with Dongju.

The prince turned his head to see who you had called out to, gasping when he saw the dark fairy hovering a few feet away.

Seonghwa grimaced at you before turning around and flying back towards his home.

"Seonghwa!" You called out to him again, but he ignored you, too heartbroken to even look at you.

You stared at the spot Seonghwa previously occupied, worry filling you to the brim.

"Who was that?" Asked Dongju.

You sighed, dropping your head. "Someone I've recently become close with. I've been sneaking off to meet him."

"What?"

"Yeah. He lives that way in the forest." You pointed, not lifting your head. "I'm not allowed to go past the tree line, but I have been for weeks."

The air became silent after your confession. You lifted your head to look at Dongju who had a soft expression on his face.

"You love him, don't you?"

Your eyes widened. "What?"

"I can tell." Dongju nodded.

"You're right." You sighed. "I do love him."

"You should tell him that."

"And how do you suggest I do that? I haven't been allowed off the grounds since you showed up. Besides, I don't even think I can. With both your mom and my parents constantly hovering over us, I won't have a chance to leave."

The next day, Dongju did his best to comfort you. You appreciated his efforts, but nothing could cheer you up. You stared at your plate of food, pushing it around with your fork.

"You need to eat your breakfast, Y/n." Dongju spoke, care and concern lacing his voice.

"I'm not hungry."

"You should eat something. Even if you just have a couple bites of toast."

You decided to listen to him, especially since his mother and your parents were watching from the other side of the table. You took a few bites of toast along with one measly bite of eggs which seemed to satisfy Dongju.

"They're getting along so well." Dongju's mom gushed.

After breakfast, your parents and Dongju's mother went out on the terrace to have tea and discuss wedding plans. For the first time since the arrival of the neighboring royals, you and Dongju were alone.

"Hey. Let's go on a walk." The prince suggested.

"I don't know." You murmured.

"C'mon. Some fresh air would do you some good."

You sighed, knowing he was right. "Okay."

The both of you got up and went outside to the terrace.

"King and Queen L/n, mom. Y/n and I are going on a walk together." Dongju mentioned.

"That sounds wonderful. Make sure you take one of the guards with you." Your mom said.

"Yes. It's better to be safe." Dongju's mom added.

"Of course." Dongju nodded.

The both of you made your way out of the castle, stopping momentarily by the guards.

"Princess Y/n and I will be going on a walk. We won't be needing your services today." He told the two guards.

"As you wish, your highness." They nodded.

With that, you and Dongju took off, embarking on your walk.

You weren't paying attention to anything as you trailed behind Dongju. You just followed him, dragging your feet through the grass.

"Where are we going?" You asked.

"It's a surprise."

You sighed, not in the mood for any surprises.

"We're almost there."

"Almost where?"

"It's a secret."

You shook your head, but allowed him to lead you to this secret location. You kept your eyes cast on the ground, watching your feet as you walked.

"Alright. We're here!" Dongju announced, prompting you go lift your head.

You gasped. You were stood in front of the tree line, the clouds looming above the sticklike branches of the trees.

"Why did you bring me here?" You asked Dongju.

"You have to talk to him."

You opened your mouth to say something, but he spoke up.

"You've got time. I'll be waiting right here."

You gave him a soft smile. "Thank you."

Taking a step forward, you passed the boundary line and made your way into the forest, determined to speak to Seonghwa.

You approached the wall of thorns that separated the dark fairy's home from the rest of the forest, hoping to see Seonghwa. You called his name, but he didn't show, leading you to believe he either wasn't home or he was ignoring you.

"Seonghwa." You croaked.

No answer.

"I don't know if you're in there, but I wanted to say I'm sorry. I know what you saw looked really bad, but I promise you, it's not what you think it is." You got no answer in return, but continued anyway. "You're very dear to me, Seonghwa." Your voice became shaky as you spoke. "You deserve the truth and that's what I want to tell you."

Seonghwa, who was on the other side of the wall listening, couldn't take it anymore. When he heard your voice crack, that was it.

Before you could speak another word, the thorns cleared and Seonghwa emerged from the opening, rushing over to you.

"Don't cry." He murmured, wiping your tears.

"Seonghwa." You sobbed.

"Shh." He shushed you, brushing your hair away from your face. "Please don't cry."

"I'm sorry." You whimpered. "I just thought I'd never see you again."

He let out a sigh. "I need to take you somewhere."

You didn't have time to speak as he scooped you up into his arms, causing a small yelp to escape you.

"Hang on tight."

Seonghwa shot into the sky, his large, inky wings flapping powerfully behind him as he carried the both of you over the trees.

You clung tightly to him as you gazed below you. Everything was so pretty from up there in the sky. It almost made you forget about your worries. Almost.

Seonghwa took you to the spot that overlooked the kingdom—the one that was always shaded by ominous clouds. Now, they had cleared, the spot now illuminated by the glow of the sun. He landed softly in the grass, setting you down.

"Let's sit." He motioned.

The two of you took a seat in the grass, admiring the view.

"Seonghwa, I have something to tell you." You spoke up.

"No." He stopped you. "I need to say this first."

You respectfully allowed him to say his piece.

"I think I've fallen for you." He admitted.

"What?"

The confession took you by surprise.

"I hated you at first. You were so persistent in trying to be friends with me and it was annoying, but eventually I started to enjoy your company. I began worrying if you showed up a little late and found myself thinking of you when you weren't around."

You frowned, your heart sinking.

"I'm sorry." You murmured.

"Let me guess. You can't be with a creature like me. Is that it?" He remarked, bitterly.

"No, not at all. It's not that."

"You don't have to lie, Y/n."

"I'm not. Seonghwa, I've fallen for you too, but..." You trailed off. "I'm arranged to be married. I was taking too long to find someone and so my parents are trying to force me to marry a prince from a nearby kingdom. That's who you saw me with last night."

Seonghwa looked relieved and saddened at the same time.

"Then why did you seem so happy. And why did I see you hug him?"

"He came to tell me that he didn't want to get married. He's just as against this as I am, and it made me happy. I hugged him because I was glad he came to tell me that. We actually planned to speak to our parents today, but he brought me here to talk to you."

"He did?"

"Yes. I haven't been allowed to leave because my parents want me and Prince Dongju to 'get to know each other.' but after what happened last night, he encouraged me to confess to you. In fact, he told our parents we were going on a walk and brought me here. I didn't even know this is where he was taking me."

"So he snuck you out just so you could come and explain everything to me?"

You nodded. "And to tell you that I love you."

Seonghwa leaned forward, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek, his thumb caressing your cheekbone. You saw his eyes dart down to your lips as if to silently ask permission to make a move. You answered by moving your face closer to his, your cheeks becoming warm.

Seonghwa lessened the space between your mouths, your eyes closing in response to the kiss. His lips were soft against yours, moving delicately and carefully. Your hands moved to his hair, grabbing onto the long strands at the base of his neck. It was a brief kiss, but it lingered even after Seonghwa pulled away.

"You remember when you asked me who hurt me so badly?" He questioned.

"Yeah."

"Well, that person was your older sister. I was in love with her—well, I thought I was in love with her. I brought her to this very spot and confessed my feelings. She told me she loved someone else and that she only saw me as a little brother. I reacted pretty badly and shut myself off from everyone." He explained.

Everything then began to make sense. When your sister started dating her now husband, you noticed how parts of the land were constantly covered in dark clouds, but you didn't ever think much of it. After that, your parents started telling you not to cross into the forest and that it was forbidden. It also made sense why your sister wanted to move away so quickly after she married. However, you never knew about any of this.

"Do you still have those feelings for her?" You asked, not wanting Seonghwa to be in love with you because of your older sister.

"No." He answered, lacing his fingers with yours. "I said I thought I loved her. I was just a kid. I realize now that I just liked her company and I confused it for love. The person I truly love is you."

Your heart swelled with warmth and adoration.

"I want you to come back to the castle with me."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Yes. Dongju is waiting down there for me. You can return to the castle with us."

"Okay." Seonghwa nodded.

He flew you back to the tree line where Dongju was waiting. He was surprised to see you come back with Seonghwa, but happy that it seemed the two of you had patched things up.

You then explained the plan you had, telling Dongju that Seonghwa would be coming back to the castle with you both.

Once you made it home, you noticed your parents and Dongju's mom were still outside on the terrace. You instructed Seonghwa to stay inside until you motioned for him to step out. He nodded, allowing you and Dongju to go outside.

"Mom." The prince spoke up as you both approached. "Y/n and I have something to tell you—all of you."

You nodded.

"We don't want to get married."

"What?" Dongju's mom asked.

"It's true. Neither of us want this marriage." You spoke up. "Plus, I'm already in love with someone."

"What?" Your dad asked in disbelief.

"You've never told us." Your mom mentioned.

"I wasn't ready to say anything. Now, I am."

You then moved towards the doors leading to the terrace, motioning for Seonghwa to come outside.

The doors opened and he stepped out, all three parents gasping.

"Y/n, why have you brought this man here?" Your father asked.

"Because I love him."

"Do you know who this is?"

"I do."

"Y/n, this is the man that caused your sister so much sadness."

"He did no such thing." You defended. "He was hurt, that's why he lashed out at her. And as for my sister, she moved on and moved away. She has a husband and a life of her own now."

"Your majesty." Seonghwa spoke up. "I apologize for anything I might have done to make you or your daughter upset. I was 17 and just happy to have found someone who wanted to spend time with me. I confused it for love and when your oldest daughter turned me down, it hurt me and I lashed out. I said some harsh things to her and I'm deeply sorry."

Your father scowled as he looked at Seonghwa, then his gaze turned to you, his face softening.

"Dongju, what do you have to say about this?"

"Like I mentioned earlier, I didn't want to marry Y/n in the first place. I much prefer her be with someone she knows and loves." He answered.

"You don't know this man, Y/n." Your mother spoke up.

"I do. You see, I've been going to meet with him."

Your parents gasped, aghast at this revelation.

"I've gotten to know him over time and truth is, we both love each other."

As you spoke those words, you reached out, lacing your fingers with Seonghwa's. Both your parents saw this gesture.

"Look at them, honey." Your mom spoke quietly. "Do you see how their faces glow? They really do love each other."

Your father seemed to go back and forth with himself for a few moments before nodding his head. "You're right."

You felt a little bit of hope spark within you as your dad approached Seonghwa. You were surprised when your father held his hand out to Seonghwa. The dark fairy took hold, giving your dad's hand a firm shake.

"I accept your apology." Your father stated.

"Thank you, your majesty."

"But, I want you to treat my Y/n right."

"I will, sir. Promise."

"Good."

The plans for the wedding were cancelled and Dongju and his mother went back home. Your parents allowed you to spend time with Seonghwa and the ban on crossing the boundary line was lifted.

The dark clouds that constantly hung over the forest cleared and all the creatures that dwelled there came out of hiding. You didn't even know there were any other creatures besides Seonghwa that lived in the woods.

The two of you sat in the lush grass in the same spot where he confessed to you. The sun shone down on the entire kingdom, cloaking it in warmth. You plucked another flower from the grass, placing it in Seonghwa's dark hair with the others. You had given him a makeshift flower crown, placing the blooms around his head.

"How do I look, darling?" He asked.

"Beautiful."

He grinned, pulling you closer to him.

He pressed a soft kiss to your lips, his finger resting under your chin as he moved his head ever so slightly to the side, deepening the kiss.

When you parted ways, you couldn't help but smile, still overjoyed that the two of you were able to be together.

You were so thankful you chose to step past the boundary line that day, because if you hadn't, you and Seonghwa wouldn't have met each other, and you definitely wouldn't have gotten the happy ending you have now.

Hongjoong: Hades ⟡ Yunho: Captain Hook ⟡ Yeosang: Evil Queen ⟡ San: Cruella de Vil ⟡ Mingi: Dr. Facilier ⟡ Wooyoung: ⟡ Jongho:

Masterlist ᝰ — enjoyed this imagine? reblogs & comments are very much appreciated!

DO NOT steal, plagiarize, copy, repost, alter, or translate my works in any way

🏷 @h3arteyes4mingi @weird-bookworm @poppy2007 @parkjennykim @evidive @mxlly143 @lizzymizzy-blogg @minhanbyeol @dinossaurz @laylasbunbunny @iammeandmeisiam @delulu18

#seonghwa x reader #park seonghwa x reader #seonghwa x y/n #park seonghwa x y/n #seonghwa x you #park seonghwa x you #seonghwa imagines #seonghwa oneshot #ateez imagines #ateez oneshot #ateez disney villains au #ateez scenarios #kpop oneshots #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios

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akazzzaa · 7 months

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Unrequited love - The deception of desire

Log 0- Kibitsuji Muzan

This is a series of one shots I plan on writing, the link to the master list is here. Please let me know if there is a character you would like me to write and I will add it to my list!

Summary- Muzan Kibutsuji isnt a very lovely husband.

Genre- ANGST- These will all have angst in them.

Warnings- Manipulation/ dark themes/ mentions of physical abuse/ slight gore

The entertainment district. Busy streets, colourful lanterns, plenty of people, plenty of food. As he strolled through the vibrant city, Muzan's crimson eyes flickered with curiosity, observing the humans as they reviled in their pleasures. The scent of sake and the sound of laughter filled the air, but beneath it all, he could smell the fear and desperation. Despite the vibrant atmosphere around him, he remained detached.

As he moved through the crowds, his sharp senses heightened. He couldn't help but notice the fragile humans around him. Their fleeting lives seemed insignificant in comparison to his immortal existence. He relished in the fear that emanated from them.

As Muzan continued his stroll, his attention was unexpectedly drawn to a vibrant flower stand nestled in the crowds. Intrigued, he approached, his curiosity piqued by the array of blooms from all corners of the world, their intoxicating scents mingling with the scent of the humans around.

At the stand, he found himself face to face with a young woman whose beauty was as captivating as the flowers she tended. Her eyes sparkled with warmth and innocence, a stark contrast to him. Yet, beneath her cheerful demeanour, he sensed a hint of something else.

"Welcome, sir," she greeted him with a sweet smile "Is there something specific you're looking for today?"

He could sense the faint pulse of fear that quickened her heartbeat in his presence. It was a reaction he had grown accustomed to.

"Surprisingly, I find myself drawn to your flowers," he replied, his voice smooth and velvety. "I was not aware such beauty existed in this world."

The woman's smile widened, and she gestured toward the colourful blooms that surrounded them. "Each of these flowers has its own story, its own unique beauty," she explained. "They come from all around the world." Muzan's gaze lingered on the delicate petal. For a fleeting moment, he felt a sense of wonder and appreciation for the beauty that surrounded him. But the moment passed quickly. With a faint smirk, he reached out to pluck a single flower from its stem, his fingers brushing against the soft petals with a touch as gentle as a whisper

"Perhaps I shall take this as a reminder of the fleeting beauty of this world," he mused, "Thank you, my dear."

---------------

Several nights passed, and Muzan found himself inexplicably drawn back to the flower stand in the entertainment district. You had every flower there, except the one he needed.

"Welcome back," she greeted him warmly, her smile lighting up her face. "It's good to see you again."

Muzan inclined his head in acknowledgment, a rare gesture from someone so accustomed to command. "I could not resist the lure of your flowers," he admitted. The woman laughed softly, "I'm glad to hear that," she replied. "Is there something in particular you're looking for today?"

Muzan hesitated for a moment, "I... I wished to see you again," The woman's smile widened, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "Well, here I am," she said, a hint of mischief in her voice. "What can I do for you?"

Muzan took a step closer, his gaze fixed on her with an intensity that made her heart flutter. "I find myself... intrigued by you," he confessed, his voice low and husky. "I wish to know more about the woman behind the flowers."

The woman's laughter faded, replaced by a look of curiosity and uncertainty. "I'm just a simple florist," she said softly. "There's not much to know."

But Muzan needed to get close. He reached out to gently brush a stray lock of hair from her face, his touch as tender.

"You are anything but simple," he murmured, his voice filled with a fake warmth. "And I would very much like to get to know you better."

For a moment, the woman seemed to hesitate, her gaze flickering between Muzan's intense stare and the darkness that surrounded them. But then, with a smile that lit up the night, she nodded her head in agreement.

"I would like that," she said softly. "I would like that very much."

-------

"Tell me, woman," Muzan snapped impatiently, his voice dripping with disdain. "Have you heard of the blue spider lily?" His hand, tangled inti her hair, pulling her up to meet his sharp gaze, red eyes burning into hers.

The woman's brow furrowed in confusion "I-I'm sorry, sir," she stammered, her voice trembling. "I'm not familiar with that flower."

Muzan's eyes narrowed dangerously as he pulled her hair tighter, his towering figure casting a shadow over the woman. "You ignorant fool!" he spat, his voice laced with venom. "How dare you not know of such a crucial flower? Its your fucking job to know these things! You are nothing but a useless, pathetic human!"

The woman recoiled at his words, her teary eyes wide with fear as she struggled to comprehend the sudden change in Muzan's demeanour. She had never seen him like this before—so full of rage.

"I-I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice barely above a whimper. "I didn't mean to—"

But before she could finish her sentence, Muzan lashed out with a cruel laugh, he let go of her hair and kicked her to the ground, breaking bones and rapturing organs, causing her to bleed out. "Pathetic," he sneered. "You are nothing but a worthless insect, unworthy of my attention."

With that, Muzan turned on his heel and stormed away, leaving the woman trembling in his wake. As she watched him disappear into the night.

#demon slayer #kny #kny x reader #muzan kibutsuji #muzan x reader #i actually hate this but i have no idea what else to write

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rootedinrevisions · 11 days

Text

Twisted Fate: Part 2

SUMMARY: As she navigates the aftermath of the storm, Lexi must confront the lingering emotions and unspoken words that have haunted her since their breakup. Bound by the twist of fate that brought them together again, they must decide if their reunion is merely a consequence of circumstance or the universe's way of telling them something else.

WARNINGS: Angst. Violence/Blood (Storm Damage & Injuries)

WORD COUNT: 1.7k

PART 1

The first aid tent was bustling with activity, a haven of controlled chaos in the aftermath of the storm. Medics moved swiftly, tending to the injured, offering comfort and care. I sat on a cot as a medic carefully bandaged the cut on my head. The pain was dull but persistent, a reminder of the ordeal I had just survived.

"There we go," the medic said, securing the bandage. "That should hold for now. You'll want to change it at least once a day until it's healed. You've got a mild concussion, but otherwise, you're in good shape considering everything. Take it easy for the next few days, okay?"

You nodded, offering a small smile of gratitude. "Thank you."

"You're all clear to leave. If you need any supplies or a place to stay there's a red tent next to us that has blankets, clothing, food, and water. They're also helping get people a place to stay for the night if you need it," the medic continued before she moved on to the next person.

As I gathered my things and prepared to leave the tent, my eyes wandered, taking in the scene around me. That's when I saw him - Tyler - on the other side of the tent. He was talking to a girl with blonde hair pulled up with a claw clip. Her face was streaked with dried blood. She looked pretty banged up, her clothes torn and dirty.

I watched as Tyler reached down and gently brushed a piece of hair from the woman's face, tucking it behind her ear with a familiarity that sent a pang through my chest. My mind immediately flashed back to the days when he used to do that for me, a simple gesture that had always made me felt cared for.

Who is she? I wondered. Clearly, he knows her, but to what extent? Is this just someone he helped out of their destroyed home earlier? Probably not, I reasoned. It's a small town, and I know just about everyone. And a hair tuck behind the ear seemed a little personal for someone he would have just met.

My mind spiraled further. Was she a new fling? That month's flavor? Or maybe she was something more serious - a girlfriend? The thought gnawed at me, a mix of curiosity and jealousy twisted in my gut. I looked away, trying to push the thoughts from my mind.

As I stepped out of the tent, the late evening air hit me. The devastation around me was immense, but the resilience of the people here was palpable. I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the fact that I had survived and that I was safe, at least for now.

Later that night I sat in a hotel room. It was modest but clean, a temporary refuge arranged by the volunteers. They had set me up in a hotel the next town over, giving me a place to stay while I figured things out. The American Red Cross had provided me with a change of clean clothes and some toiletries, small comforts after the harrowing day I'd endured.

I stood under the hot spray of the shower, letting the water wash away the grime and stress of the day. The heat soothed my sore muscles, and for a brief moment, I allowed myself to relax. But the relief was short-lived. My mind kept drifting back to Phoebe, my beloved cat, and the worry gnawed at me. Where was she? Was she safe?

After the shower, I dressed in the clean clothes provided, feeling somewhat refreshed but still weighed down by the enormity of my situation. I sat on the edge of the bed, the unfamiliar surroundings making everything feel more surreal.

How do I even begin to pick up the pieces of my life after something like this? I didn't have any family. My parents were gone and I was an only child. I suppose I could try to reach out to my aunts or uncles. See if they could provide any sort of help.

The loss of my home, the uncertainty of the future - it all felt overwhelming.

And then there was Tyler. I couldn't stop thinking about him and the blonde woman I'd seen him with at the first aid tent. The image of him tucking her hair behind her ear played on a loop in my mind. Who was she to him? Why did it matter so much to me?

I sighed, lying back on the bed and staring at the ceiling. Everything felt tangled and confused. The day's events had left me emotionally and physically drained, yet sleep seemed a distant possibility with my mind racing like this.

As I lay there, the worries and questions swirled around me. Phoebe, Tyler, the future - everything felt so uncertain. The only thing I knew for sure was that I had to keep going, one step at a time, and somehow had to find a way to start again.

Later that night, I lay in my hotel bed, staring at the ceiling, the weight of everything kept sleep at bay. The clock on the nightstand showed just after 10 PM, and I couldn't shake the thoughts swirling in my mind - Phoebe's whereabouts, the uncertainty of my future, and the lingering image of Tyler with the blonde woman.

A knock on the door interrupted my restless thoughts. I rolled out of bed, immediately assuming it was probably some kid running up and down the hallway, knocking on random doors. However, when I opened the door I was surprised to see Tyler standing there.

He held a cardboard box in his hands, and beside him on the ground was something I couldn't quite make out in the dim hallway light. I opened the door wider, curiosity piqued.

"Hey," Tyler said, his voice soft. "I've got something for you." I could see the grin forming on his face as he motioned to the thing on the ground beside him. Then a soft meow emerged from within.

"Phoebe!" I said excitedly as I knelt to look into the pet carrier.

"I found her," Tyler explained, setting the box down and opening the carrier. Phoebe stepped out cautiously, looking around the unfamiliar room before rubbing up against me. Relief washed over me as I scooped her up, holding her close.

"Thank you," I whispered, my voice choked with emotion.

Tyler nodded, his eyes warm. "Someone found her and turned her into the animal tent. I claimed her after the veterinarians assured me she was okay.

He then gestured to the box. "I also managed to get a few things from your home before they declared it unsafe to enter. Just some photos and sentimental items I thought you might want. There wasn't a lot that I found, but it's better than nothing, right?"

Tears began to well up in my eyes, gratitude mixing with the sadness of everything I'd lost. One box. That's all that I had left of my life.

"And," Tyler continued. "I stopped by Walmart and got you a new litter box and food bowl for Phoebe. There's some food and litter in there too for you. Thought she might need them while you're here."

I couldn't find the words to express how much this meant to me. Tyler's kindness, his thoughtfulness - it was almost overwhelming. I managed a shaky smile, looking up at him. "Thank you, Tyler. Really."

He smiled back at me, his gaze softening. "It's the least I could do. I'm just glad you're both safe."

There was a short pause after he spoke. A moment of silence heavy with unspoken emotions. Tyler shifted slightly, breaking the stillness "I'm going to go get the cat supplies from my truck. I'll be right back."

Before he could move a woman's voice interrupted. "I have them."

I turned to see the blond woman from the first aid tent stopping in front of my door, holding the items Tyler had mentioned. I went to thank her, only to realize I didn't know her name.

"Thank you-" I began, hesitating.

"Kate," she replied with a warm smile. "I'm Kate."

"Thank you, Kate," I said sincerely, taking the supplies from her.

"No problem," she responded. She then turned to Tyler. "Javi and I are heading for the hotel for the night. Do you want us to wait in the car for you?"

Tyler thought for a moment before shaking his head. "No, I'll catch up with you later."

Kate nodded a hint of concern in her eyes. "Alright. Just don't stay up too late. There's another storm system rolling in north of here tomorrow. We'll want to get up early to start chasing."

So she was a storm chaser. I began to wonder if she was part of Tyler's crew or just someone he had come to know working in the field.

Kate left, and as the door closed behind her, I turned to Tyler, curiosity gnawing at me.

"She seems great," I said, trying to sound casual.

Tyler grinned, and I noticed a certain look in his eye. I knew that look. It was clear he had feelings for her, even if she wasn't his girlfriend. "Yeah, she's great," he said, his voice carrying a warmth that told me everything I needed to know.

He didn't offer any additional information, and I didn't ask. It wasn't my place, and there were more pressing matters to focus on. Still, a small pang of something - jealousy, maybe - twisted in my chest.

It then began to dawn on me. This would probably be the last time I saw Tyler. Tomorrow, he would go back to storm chasing and being a YouTube star with his one million fans. The realization stung, knowing that the brief reconnection we had was just that. Brief.

I turned back to Tyler, who was looking at me with a mix of emotions in his eyes. "Well, I should get going," he said softly.

I nodded, trying to muster a smile. "Thank you again, for everything. And good luck with that storm tomorrow."

Tyler hesitated, then reached out and gave your should a gentle squeeze. "Take care of yourself, Lex. And Phoebe too."

With that, he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me standing there, the weight of everything pressing down on me once more. I closed the door and sat on the edge of the bed, Phoebe curling up next to me. As I stroked her fur, I couldn't help but feel a mix of gratitude and sadness. The future was uncertain, but at least for tonight, I had a roof over my head and my beloved cat by my side.

TAG LIST: @omgbrianab I @shanimallina87

#Tyler Owens #Tyler Owens Fic #Tyler Owens Fanfic #Tyler Owens Fanfiction

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seashelldom · 2 years

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— TARDY ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

Volume One !

pairing: ao'nung x na'vi omaticaya fem!reader

genre: mentions of death, blood, guns, etc. (not as extreme as sounds.) minor spoilers.

synopsis: Y/N, you are the firstborn of the Sully family a mere one year older than Neteyam. After the fiasco with the sky people, the decision was made. You and your family were set to reach the Metkayina clan in hopes of saving your people. But, in a twist of events, your own arrival was affected by an attack. Sky people. What happens to you? Or your family?

wc: 818

a/n: first fic ! hope i do it right 😭 ao'nung isn't introduced in part 1 but he will be later on!! nevertheless, enjoy!

Crouched down I was listening to my parents quarrel in their non-stop argument and a serious one at that. Whether or not we had left our home would determine the safety of the people. Our people. ("No! This is our home!", yelled Neytiri.) I got taken aback by my mother and father arguing so I stepped back into the hands of Neteyam. His eyes were hopeful with desperation.

"When will they stop?", muttered Tuk in a drained voice. Her eyelids felt like the weight of the world was on them. ("This will protect the people! ...... Quaritch has Spi.... that kid knows everything!") Tired yourself, you picked up your little sister and entered the tent.

Both your mother and father glared at you with rage. Not for you but for each other. "Tuktirey is tired. I am tired. Everyone is tired. Save this for another night." Neytiri looked at Tuk feeling a strong wave of motherhood over her. With her instincts, she paced to you and lifted her youngest and watched shortly as she snoozed in her arms.

"There's no need to continue this another night. We're leaving for the Metkayina clan islands first thing next week.", said your Father with his roaring voice. Looking over, Neteyam, Lo'ak, and Kiri fixated on their own opinions but it all came down to it. We were headed to the islands next week.

Kiri was sitting next to me, packing all her trinkets and whatnot for the journey ahead of us. "We don't need those things if we're on banshees for days.", you said in a playfully smug tone. "We need food." Kiri just rolled her eyes to not contribute to my attempt at amusement.

Brushing off my own remark I reminded myself I was supposed to go hunt. "... That reminds me, I'm off to the forest for some meat.", you swiftly spoke before Kiri reminded you that your father said to return before eclipse.

I nodded in understanding, grabbed my bow, and walked out of the tent.

While hunting I took in the beauty of Eywa the trees and roots, some flowers blooming and some not. Breathing the fresh air of the forest before having to breathe a salty one. I just couldn't keep my mind off having to leave the forests, our home. A swift motion snapped me out of my constant sadistic thoughts. I quickly leaped on the branches of the trees surrounding me to get a better aim at the hexapod I had seen. This beast was a good catch, if I hit it, it would suffice the entire family for a good 3 days. Just when I was about to shoot it with my bow I heard something and the creature dashed away. Gun. Bullet. Shot. Blood. Dead. Loud. These thoughts were racing through my head until my moment of realization. Sky people. I sprinted with urgent panic thinking about my family. Were they still alive even? I heard many crashes and screaming. I heard my mother. Oh my god. Was she scared? Or looking for me? How is Tuk? And my siblings? When I got to the scene I was quiet and alert because I was so frightened. "They're gone, rode off on their dinosaur pets.", said one voice. I glanced for a second and saw soldier sky people, the ones my father had fought with. The ones that killed many of my people and the Hometree. Before I knew it they had left in their massive metal creature. When I ran to the tents there was no one. At least no one was alive to tell me was had happened. I dashed as fast as I could to my family's tent and there was no one in sight. Tears left my eyes as I dropped to the floor at the sight of so many of my people dead. I remembered what the sky people had said earlier. "They're gone, rode off.." My family might've been alive and well. They must've rode off at the sight of the sky people. If they weren't in the tent or forest then there was one location they would be at. The Metkayina.

#✎— 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐈'𝐬 posts.#avatar #avatar 2009 #atwow #avatar way of water #avatar x reader #avatar fanfiction #fanfic

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wandering-winchesters · 1 year

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hopeless

Pairing: Dean x depressed Reader

Word Count: 3,069

Summary: The reader can feel her depression creeping back in and eventually seeks comfort from Dean, who greets her with open arms.

Trigger Warnings: Depression, anxiety, suicidal ideations,

A/N: This is an incredibly difficult thing to post, I wrote it for myself and wanted to share incase it helped anyone else. I had tears in my eyes as I wrote it. You are not alone. If you are having these thoughts and feelings, please tell someone you love. As always, please let me know what you think ❤️

Masterlist

There are days where I can honestly forget that I have depression and anxiety. There are days where I can almost imagine what it is like to be “normal”. Days where I can breathe easy, where I don’t focus on all of the things that could possibly go wrong, days where the joy is so prominent that it is all that I can focus on. Then there are those days where I can’t fall or stay asleep. I am staying awake until the early hours of the morning and staying asleep until well past noon. Days where going outside is just impossible. I don’t respond to the messages from the people I care about, I don’t communicate to the people I am with. I shut everything and everyone out.

Today, is one of those bad days. This week has been one of those bad weeks. A culmination of events, compounding, all consuming. That cause me to be pushed off that cliff into depression. On these days, my bed is the only safe place. Even though it is my own mind that is responsible for these feelings, I am the only person who fully understands me. What it feels like to be me and have the thoughts that I do. I am curled up in bed, the playlist on my phone shuffling some of my favorite songs. Even though nothing bad happened today, I am a mess. Depression and anxiety battling within me to come out on top, a constant scream of emotions tumbling through me all at once. I sat in bed, my back pressed against the head board, my knees pulled to my chest and my eyes fixed on the wall opposite my bed. Everything felt hopeless. What’s the point of fighting this battle, every single day? It never seems to get any easier, do I really want to live like this for the rest of my life? Another sixty plus years? I know the answer to that, no. It would be easier to surrender to the darkness and just slip away. Could I really do that? I don’t know. On the good days, no. I could never leave Dean and Sam, the people who saved me five long years ago. I couldn’t leave my family. On these bad days, it’s a thought. An ugly, exhausting and overwhelming thought.

My eyes wander around the darkened outline of my room, the only light coming from the alarm clock on my nightstand. The white letters illuminated, reminding me just how late into the night it is. 4:23 A.M. The question now is, do I continue to fight the battle of trying to fall asleep, or do I get up and start the day.

I decide on the latter, clamoring out of my bed and pulling hoodie and a pair of leggings. I stretch my body, exhaustion hanging heavy even though sleep would not come.

I head out of my room, quietly closing the door behind me. I tip toe through the hallway of the bunker, not needing light to guide me as I know it like the back of my hand.

When I reach the kitchen, I flip the light on, the familiar surroundings coming into focus before me. I put a new filter into the coffee maker and start the coffee for the morning. Even though I will mostly drink the entire pot myself before the boys ever get up. I glance in the refrigerator, before deciding that I wasn’t hungry. I couldn’t remember the last time I had eaten, yesterday? The day before? I don’t know, but hunger was still evading me. I fill my mug with coffee, perfecting it to my taste and head outside the bunker. I take a seat on the bench that Dean had brought back just for me, knowing that watching the sunsets and sunrises were one of my favorite pastimes. I take a deep breath and enjoy the silence around me, the birds are beginning to wake and their song is springing forth. The moon is low in the sky, the horizon turning from blues to oranges and pinks. Something that on most days, brings me immense joy. However, today, it is a dull pang of happiness. The darkness within me too loud to be distracted by the beauty around me.

“You’re up early.” I jump, spilling a couple drops of my coffee onto my thigh. I wince as the hot liquid quickly cools against my skin from the outside air. Dean comes to sit next to me on the bench muttering a quiet apology as he sits, his features still dripping of sleep. His hair disheveled and eyes tired. He stifles a yawn and gives me a gentle smile. “Yea, I woke up and just couldn’t fall back asleep.” I lie, taking a sip of my coffee and doing my best to return his smile. If he picks up on my lie, he doesn’t act like it. We sit like that in mostly silence, watching the sunrise. My mind begins to wander once again, drifting through the question I had posed to myself earlier, did I really want to live like this for the next 60 years? The sunsets are beautiful, but my mind is ugly. It’s a daily challenge to get out of bed, something that if you had asked me as a teenager, I thought it would have gotten easier by now.

“Y/N? Did you hear me?” I hum in response, snapped back to my senses by his gentle elbow into my rips. His eyes fixed on me, concern beginning to creep over his face.

“Sorry, no. What did you say?” I ask, giving him what I hope to be a reassuring smile.

“Any grand plans for today?” He asks, but I can tell he isn’t convinced by the smile I gave him. Something that I need to get better at, I don’t need him worrying about me and asking more questions. He has enough on his plate.

The day drags by slowly, a mixture of getting lost in thought and trying to keep up with the Winchester brothers. They decided to go out for dinner and tried to get me to come along, but I declined. An excuse of not being hungry and that I was tired and wanted to go to bed. Dean, again, was not convinced. His brow creased as he saw himself out of my room. I could feel his unspoken questions hanging heavy between us, but he didn’t speak them aloud.

I went to bed as soon as they left, even though it was early. The physical and mental exhaustion battling within me for the tallest spot on the podium. I laid in bed, scrolling aimlessly through my phone, not focusing on anything in particular, just trying to make time pass. I quickly shut my phone off and close my eyes when I hear footsteps approaching. I hear a soft knock at my door and I ignore it, not wanting to speak to anyone really. Nonetheless, my door creaks open and Dean quietly calls my name. When he doesn’t get a response he quietly crosses the room and sits on the edge of my bed. His hands gently pull a blanket over me and he leans down to press a kiss to my forehead, before quietly leaving my room. The second he closes the door behind him, I pull my phone back out and continue to scroll aimlessly through lore that I am not even reading. I doze off eventually, into a nightmare filled sleep that only lasts for about thirty minutes. When I wake, my heart is beating against my ribs.

I glance at the clock on my nightstand for what feels like the millionth time tonight and it is only 2:47 in the morning, but I physically cannot lay here any longer. I repeat the same actions as yesterday morning, leggings, hoodie, quietly out into the hallway, towards the kitchen, turn on the light. I am grabbing the filter for the coffee pot when I freeze, I realize that I can feel someones eyes on me and I spin on my heel to find Dean. He had been sitting at the table in the dark, his arms crossed across his chest, face tired but serious. His eyes are soft, but piercing, focused completely on me.

“What are you doing up?” I ask, trying to disguise the coffee filter in my hand, scrambling to come up with a good explanation as to why I am up this early. He raises an eyebrow at me, his thumb tugging against his bottom lip before he tucks his hand back under his arm. “I could ask you the same thing. What is going on with you?” He asks, gesturing for me to take a seat at the table across from him. I don’t. I keep my back pressed against the kitchen counter, my arms defensively coming to rest across my middle.

“Nothing, just needed water Dean.” I respond, my voice a lot snippier than I intended. He notices, but doesn’t comment on my tone.

“You need a coffee filter for water? See, I really don’t believe that. Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or do I need to tell you what I think is going on?” He asks once again, accepting that I am not going to sit with him. He kicks his feet up, resting his boots on the seat across from him. He’s settling in for the long haul. I don’t verbally respond to his question, so he continues.

“You aren’t eating. You are isolating yourself. You aren’t here anymore, you’re somewhere else entirely. I had a suspicion that you haven’t been sleeping and this little middle of the night escapade of coffee at three in the freakin’ morning, confirmed that. If you want to pretend you’re asleep when I come into your room, fine. But at least don’t resume watching the same video the second I close your door, I am not deaf.” My cheeks are flushed and I can feel tears pricking the corners of my eyes, but I don’t want to cry. So instead, I allow anger to erupt within me as a need to defend my actions arise.

“What makes you think I am not eating? I don’t have to talk to you when you come into my room uninvited!” I snap, my hands gesturing wildly as I speak. I expect him to snap back but he doesn’t. He is completely unfazed, his green eyes continue to burn a hole in my own. I shift uncomfortably, the amount of effort it takes to remain angry and not break down in front of him is exhausting.

“Y/N, sweetheart. I can see it, in every thing that you do. I can see the exhaustion engrained in you, I can see the internal battle that you are fighting. I can tell that you don’t want me to know, that you want to handle this yourself. But, Y/N,I care for you, about you. I want to help you. I see you.” His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I hug my arms tighter against my body, desperately trying to stop this wave of emotion bubbling up within me, but it’s useless. I bite my lip to stifle the sob that leaves my throat, managing to make it the smallest bit quieter. My eyes are trained on the floor tears beginning to overflow.

“Y/N, you don’t have to go through this alone.” Dean speaks again, his words gentle and soft. I allow myself to meet his gaze once again, hot tears streaming down my cheeks. He is on his feet before I can blink, he closes the distance between us in a few long strides. His hands find my body and tug me into his embrace. I don’t hesitate to bury my face in his chest, the fabric of his t-shirt absorbing my tears as they fall. I can’t help but let everything out, the sobs that wrack my body ugly and loud. My eyes are clenched shut, unsuccessfully trying to slow the flow of my tears. His voice is low as he hold me, his hands traveling over my body. His grip on me never wavering, he supports my weight when my knees grow weak. His touch is gentle but firm and reassuring. I didn’t realize just how much I needed him, until it was too late to stop the waves of emotion flooding the space between us. He holds me until my tears slow, my breathing gets a bit easier and my grip on his t-shirt loosens ever so slightly.

“Talk to me.” He whispers, gingerly pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. I take a shaky breath, gathering my words and debating just how much I want to tell him. I land on everything. I release my grip on him and he takes a step back, enough so he can see me, but still close enough that I can feel his presence. I cross my arms across my chest once again and start to speak. I look down at my feet, unwilling to watch his expression as I speak.

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Dean. It’s too much. I have gotten three hours of sleep over the last three days. I can’t bear to eat. Every day is a constant battle to just survive, it would be so much easier to just give up. I want to give up. I want to let everything go and just slip away. I don’t want to leave you and Sam, but you don’t need me. No one needs me. It would be so much simpler if I just-“ I stop, unsure if I can actually verbalize my next sentence. I have thought the words many times before, but verbalizing them to the man that I loved more than he would ever know. Could I do that to him? I gather the courage to look at him and I am caught off guard by the sight before me. Dean is silently crying, his eyes fixed upon me. His fingers rush to brush away his tears, he is trying to remain strong for my sake and It sends a fresh wave of guilt through me. This is why I never wanted to express this to him, I wanted to keep it to myself, he shouldn’t have to talk me down from this level of self hatred and depression.

“I knew that something was tearing you to pieces, sweetheart. I could see it, I could hear it in your voice, but I-I never imagined this. I know it’s hard, but you have to believe me when I say that there is nothing but love for you within me. I would never be okay without you. I’d be a mess, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if something or someone took you from me. Especially if you took yourself from me, Y/N. I can never lose you. You make my world a brighter place. I love you and I want to spend every day of my life showing you just how much you mean to me.” He’s pleading with me now, closing the distance between us once again. His hands pulling me into a bone crushing hug, his tears now falling onto my clothes. We stay like this for awhile, my sadness slowly fading to just complete exhaustion. My body sags against his, my eyes closing trying to relieve the burn from crying.

“Dean?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper. “Can I ask a favor?”

“Anything, sweetheart.” He respond, not relinquishing his hold on me in the slightest.

“Take me to bed and stay with me tonight?” Dean wholeheartedly agrees, he takes me by my hand and pulls me gently behind him. I follow him, confused when we walk right past my room. He brings me to his, opening the door and closing it once I cross the threshold. He leads me to his bed and climbs in under the covers, he pulls the blankets back and I climb in next to him. His arms wrap around my body, pulling me into him firmly. My head comes to rest on his chest, one of his hands coming to rest on my back, the other on the nape of my neck, his touch calming and reassuring.

“Thank you.” I whisper and he doesn’t speak, only pulls me closer. “I love you, too Dean. I will fight everyday to be able to spend my life with you.” He exhales sharply and I can almost feel the sense of relief wash over him. I turn towards him, propping myself up on my elbow, enough to look at him.

I lean towards him, holding my breath, hoping this is what he wants too. I stop, our lips millimeters apart and wait for him to close the distance and he does, our lips crashing together in the most love filled exchange I’ve ever experienced.

“Promise me you won’t give up on life, Y/N. Please.” He ask, his eyes searching my own and it kills me to see the pain and uncertainty swimming through his. I nod, a small smile forming on my lips.

“I promise, Dean.” He nods, relief washing over him. He tugs me back against him, my head resting on his chest once again. For the first time in days, my thoughts are silent. The only darkness enveloping my senses is a welcome friend, sleep running towards me at full speed and I welcome it wholeheartedly. My eyes fall shut and sleep takes over my senses, encouraged by the gentle touch of my beloved Winchester.

While his love could not cure my depression, his love gave me a reason. It gave me hope, in the midst of hopelessness. He held a torch for me on my darkest nights. When I couldn’t stand to fight for my own life, he’d take up that cross. With his help, it got easier. On the nights I couldn’t sleep he’d talk to me until I did. He made me food on days where I couldn’t do it myself. He loved the parts of me that I wanted to hide. He made life worth living. I wanted to live those sixty years I had dreaded facing. No matter the battle, there is always hope.

tag list: @roseblue373

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tinababeh · 2 months

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My name is Brutalism!

I'm going to play a paused and ongoing free thought, letting one of my active daydreams and shower musings flow aloud.

~Becoming unbound~

When I say I long for someone with wanderlust, perhaps what I truly mean is that I am ready to embrace a profound connection in a new way. Having been disillusioned before, which is sometimes necessary for growth, I have evolved into someone who can open herself to the complex capacity of an new level of intimacy while freely paving an individual path to happiness. I secretly yearn to take off with someone who works from home like I do or is able to travel and expand their horizons as I can. Together, we could visit the most beautiful places and explore each other, ourselves, and the rich cultures around us while embracing individual expansion. However, this travel dream is only a small part of what I truly desire. I want my partner to metaphorically grow wings and flies alongside me—freely loving and taking up space with bliss. I seek those who genuinely appreciates deep colors and expression. Financially secure and ready to awaken further, I often ask myself why I don't just pursue this subset of my dream. It feels like I'm one gentle shove away from embracing this adventure. Perhaps this someone would even be the instigator or the nudge I need. Maybe I long to be found, but I know the best of us always appear when we are not looking.

I've started many passion projects that are evolving well, bringing me joy, but my dreams continue to expand. My dear friend and one of my true soulmates, Raven (Julia), embodies innovation, emotion, and honesty—inspiring me to take larger risks lately. Surrounding myself with like-minded individuals has allowed me to grow in ways I never imagined. People like her have opened my mind in ways I haven't felt in so long, and I am starting to better trust my own niche desires and aspirations. The image of my dreams is becoming much clearer and I've healed in places I had no idea were wounded until I met someone like her. She looks at me and holds a mirror for me. She is so brilliant and successful that I can only be honored to have her look at me with such love and admiration. She is helping me see that I am worthy, that I do radiate beautifully, and she has truly helped me heal on this self-love journey of mine. I confidently crave to rise to the occasion and reach my full potential now—ever-changing, ever-learning, and growing. All I want is to radiate warmth, love, and kindness with everyone around me. The world is cruel enough, so I want to be brave and fight back by embracing myself unapologetically for the first time fully like this.

We often exchange hours of philosophical voice memos, imagining ourselves embodying the pirating free adventure and exploration mindset, taking on the journey jokingly like pirates to find better worlds. She possesses greatness and passion in a way that inspires me endlessly. She not only holds double full-time positions as a VP and lead scientist at two major companies, but she is also creating patents to start her own company soon, where she will be the CEO (what a badass). Despite all her achievements, she speaks of love, passion, and leaving a kind mark on this world. She has restored my faith in people of her caliber and has truly reminded me of the beauty of being on a curious path toward one's own unique voice.

She introduced me to the architectural style of brutalism, encouraging me to embody its strength and resilience. We often remind each other that we are not 'eto nado sn'esti,' but that our name is BRUTALISM! This mantra goes much deeper than my free-flow would elaborate on at this time.

For so long, I felt the need to be smaller or destroy parts of my essence to make others happy because my greatness was often seen as 'painful', or I was told it was painful by some who claimed to love me and want to 'fix' me. When I look back, I am not mad, but I realize and ask, why was that painful? It was because they wanted control and did not reflect with empathetic eyes-their feelings always were first and their mistakes always forgotten to them. When I realized this, I was not mad or angry. I forgive them in the way I forgive my own mistakes too. How can I ever expect change and deep love if I latch on to anger? They too are living for the first time and if anything, it wasn't always bad. I know they all must have cared deeply about me as well as I did for them. I just don't need to choose that negativity anymore and will not choose that willingly ever again. I will always love them and wish them well. We are not all just bad or good; we are complex beings. I find peace in loving from afar, and those I am up close with, we expand beautifully. There is no room for refracting insecurities from a mirror not seen. I no longer allow attraction to those who wish me harm or at least now my eyes are wide to them. It is freeing. I feel so blessed to experience firsthand what kindness and love looks like and blessed that I now can give that to myself too.

My light, my greatness, and my radiating passions should have never been seen as a bad thing. I am learning that I just didn't have the right people around me who loved themselves. I understand wanting to create a safe, loving haven with someone, and I too crave a safe, loving place which I create often. But to label toxicity and pressures to be molded into someone's fantasies of you as love is blasphemous. That is not very deep or brave; it is cowardice and weak. We are all one step away from letting our best side take over or succumbing to our insecurities. This is a choice we all need to evolve to a level of self-awareness to make clearly.

My path has been riddled with mistakes and loss, but I choose to live in my truest and kindest nature. This is my favorite version of myself, and I finally feel brave enough to be me at my fullest. I used to feel like I had to shadow myself or cover myself with shame, but now I want to embrace the mess and the embarrassment. I want to be my most human loudly. Lately, I have just wanted to genuinely express more and walk with less stoic paces. Expressing myself in all these ways while being embraced for it—well it feels so fucking good. I am vibrating with my own energy and could not be more grateful to be alive.

Having experienced wells of darkness, I now deeply crave to hold on to and explore the goodness in life. I feel myself blooming and taking space in a way I have always wanted. I only want to love someone in a way that frees them rather than cages them—this is the only version of love or friendship I'll ever accept again or want to provide. Growth mindsets and the freedom to grow in love are incredibly attractive to me. Greatness, gentleness, and kindness are so unbelievably sexy.

I have many people I love already in my life, but only a handful have the capacity to let me expand alongside them. I cherish these individuals and am fiercely loyal to them and their desired growth. I see their genuine light, and I am inspired to be my own light as well. There is never any jealousy or bitterness—there is no place for that in true greatness. Life has been so chaotically beautiful and unhinged lately despite the continuous parallel pains. Honestly, my favorite memories have always been full of deep laughter, tears, and bright smiles (even sometimes through the tears). I choose to keep evolving, growing, and remaining steadfast in my unique expression. I believe if I do this, I can further saturate the bliss I seek.

I still love those who have mistreated me and I do not plague my mind with thoughts of revenge or pain ever. I truly miss them and still hold a place within myself that creates a safe space to connect if they ever truly change and evolve. I still see their potential and I am thankful for our time together. Although I don't linger on this mindset, I instead place that spot away in the back of my mind and focus on lighting my own path without restrictions. The world is cruel enough, so I want to be brave and fight back by embracing myself unapologetically for the first time along with those around me. I have changed, or more so, I feel awakened. I have woken up to so much that was left dormant for too long and I am excited to see where this enlightenment will take me next.

I have never been happier to be the me that I am now. I look forward to this next chapter with a heart full of promise, confidence, and love. The little me would be proud of the woman I am now. Here's to the journey ahead, embracing every moment and every possibility.

It feels so good to be unbound and let thoughts come out more freely. A small glimpse and release. Assume that I am still learning and assume it is safe to do so as well.

#personal #musings #writing #shower thoughts #unbound #brutalism #tumblr is such a healthy place to release all sorts of passions

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ronaestrider · 6 months

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Reflections

Ruthar returned to the Farstrider Retreat with Farstrider Kelnim, a promising ranger that has been working in Ruthar’s encampment outside of Valdrakken. The Ranger Captain racks his bow and removes his armour, stretching his fingers after removing his gauntlets as his thoughts swirl around his head.

“That Tannis boy really is something else,” Kelnim offers. “The Stafrosts seem like a great family, Ranger Captain.”

Ruthar smiles at that, his mind returning to his time with Syrielle and Gattius. “It was quite nice to catch up with them both. I appreciate your willingness to show the boy around while we spoke.”

Kelnim nodded. “Anytime, Ranger Captain. He reminds me of myself at his age.”

Ruthar chuckled. “Likewise. It really does warm the spirit knowing that such young minds are still ready and interested in the Farstrider ways. I would think the allure of magic and power would be able to capture most these days.”

Kelnim scoffed playfully at that. “Not for us, not for them. We will hardly be the last of us.”

“I hope you’re right,” Ruthar offered softly. “If and when the young Tannis does continue his studies, I’ll be sure to make sure he continues with yourself, at least at first. You seem to have a way with the young recruits.”

Kelnim smiled at that and bowed his head. “I would appreciate that, sir.”

Ruthar nodded, planting a hand on Kelnim’s shoulder. “We’ve all got our place in all of this. Perhaps recruitment and trainee assessment are your next steps. In any case, that will be all this evening, Kelnim. Thank you for your assistance with Tannis and with the potential intruder. Get some rest.”

Kelnim snapped a salute that Ruthar returned, watching the younger Farstrider depart. Ruthar walked outside near the fire where he conversed with Syrielle and Gattius not a few hours earlier. It had been an unexpectedly eventful day catching up with the Starfrosts and then coming upon Raynell A’laria in the woods beyond the Retreat. While it was great to see his comrades once again after so long, Ruthar felt the guilt set in once more as he thought more about them and their struggles. He leaned upon a post next to the fire, looking out into the twilight-touched Eversong as his mind wandered.

Raynell had been a part of the Dragonscale Expedition, a unit that he himself had worked for. Should he not have widened his eyes and fostered a relationship there? She mentioned difficulties in the Fourth War and even hinted at work beyond the veil. Could he have been present to assist with whatever difficulties she may have faced? And then there were the Starfrosts, Syrielle working her way into the upper reaches of the Magistry while Gattius had started a clinic of his own. As owners of a beautiful manor and parents of a fine and promising young boy, Ruthar couldn’t help but think of how he could have helped. Perhaps they didn’t need anything, truly, but who doesn’t need a friend every once in a while. These were more than just his comrades in the Phoenix Guard - these were his friends, the closest people he really had outside of his fellow soldiers. Certainly they deserved more from him than the nothingness he provided over the past six or seven years.

As Ruthar looks into the darkening woods, his vision is replaced with a memory. Gentle winds toss his silver-white hair as the golds and yellows of Quel’Danas radiate all around him as he stands before his comrades of the Phoenix Guard.

Ruthar smiles, tapping a small pouch upon his hip. "Quel'Thalas is proud, indeed. We all are - Commander Dawnblade, myself, Captain and Lieutenant Starfrost. Your extensive work has paved the way for a brighter tomorrow." He waves a hand around and looks to the warm foliage surrounding the spire. "Just as this Isle before us, Azeroth is once again defended at the hands of you all."

Syrielle reaches over to take Gattius' hand, smiling happily at everyone present. Ruthar looks to Aquilon "Will" Blackmarrow, one of the Phoenix Guard’s reservists. "Doctor," he says firmly. "Front and center, if you will."

Blackmarrow moves in front of Ruthar and snaps to attention. Ruthar looks the Death Knight up and down. "The kingdom of Quel'Thalas recognizes your service, Doctor," Ruthar begins, his felfire eyes dancing in the sunlight. "As a Reservist of the Phoenix Guard and a key component to our continued victories both home and abroad, I present you with this."

Ruthar reaches into the pouch at his side to produce a glinting golden piece affixed to a dazzling red and gold ribbon. "The Commendation of Quel'Thalas is not an adornment to be taken lightly. Wear it well, Doctor." He offers the commendation in both hands. The members of the Guard present cheer and celebrate the Doctor’s accolade as Blackmarrow quietly accepts the award, staring at it with an inscrutable look in his eyes. "Thank you, sir."

Ruthar places his hand upon his chest to bow a soft salute. "Congratulations, Reservist. You do us all proud." He turns to Syrielle. "Lieutenant," he says softly, gesturing before him. "If you will."

Gattius speaks lowly. "--Ooooh... you're in trooooouble!" Syrielle elbows Gattius in the side, mumbling the word 'Dork' under her breath before making her way to stand in front of Ruthar.

Ruthar looks proudly upon Syrielle. "Lieutenant Starfrost," he begins. "To say that your life has been eventful is a particularly striking understatement. From your promotion into Phoenix Guard's leadership all the way to the birth of your young one, you have taken every task and challenge thrown your way and met them with relentless vigor. For this marked perseverance, it is my honour to present you the Commendation of Quel'Thalas."

The Guard once again roars in celebration as the very winds of Quel’Danas seem to reply in kind. Syrielle smiles at Ruthar's words, nodding her head as she accepts the medal. "Thank you, Lieutenant Commander."

Ruthar bows his head respectfully. "Wear it well, Lieutenant." He glances around. "Doctor Sunfall, please." Kalithos Sunfall shifts forward. “Yes, sir?”

Ruthar smiles. "The task of healing this unit is a task I will never, ever envy. It is the work of sin'dorei such as yourself that ensures that there will be a tomorrow for so many." Ruthar looks around. "There is not a person in this room that has left the battlefield unscathed, and we all owe you a great debt. For that, Shield Sunfall, I present your Commendation."

Kalithos blushes and offers his thanks as his comrades of the Guard celebrate his achievement. “Thank you,sir!” Ruthar shakes his head. "Thank -you-, Sunfall. Wear it well." He smiles. "And speaking of Sunfall..." Ruthar gestures to Kalithos’s husband, Rethandral, and speads when he steps forward. "To say that things have been difficult for you recently would be, dare I say, an underestimation. But you owned up to your mistakes and made a concerted effort to move forward, learning from your experiences and crafting a new path forward." Ruthar smiles warmly as he looks upon Rethandral. "It is this quality of perseverance of personal growth that I truly admire, along with your tried and true abilities at the front lines of every engagement. Rethandral Sunfall, I am proud to offer you the Commendation of Quel'Thalas."

Ruthar salutes Rethandral as the Guard applauds once more. "Wear it well, Sunfall." He looks along the line again. "Doctor Dawncaster, please." Voka Dawncaster tries to walk as tall as he can, but he's strained, and it shows. He still hasn't fully acclimated to his robot leg. Ruthar looks at Voka for a long moment. "It lifts my spirit to see you standing before us, Spellweaver. You have given so much to your kingdom, to us all, and no amount of metallic adornment can truly repay you."

Voka rests his weight on the cane again, trying to be as respectful as he could manage. No standing at attention for this boy. "I would gladly give it again for our people."

Ruthar looks at Voka with pride. "In the coming weeks, I want you to work with the very best resources available to us on the Isle. I will make whatever arrangements that are necessary, but we will do everything we can to ensure your return to your former self." Ruthar stands straighter. "Spellweaver Dawncaster, for your amazing service to Quel'Thalas and a very promising future with the Phoenix Guard, I proudly present your Commendation." He offers the medal with both hands.

Voka accepts the commendation with one hand as the unit celebrates the achievement. "I shall strive to continue keeping everyone together."

Ruthar nods as Voka returns to the others. He searches the line for a familiar face, one who he served with for an extended period. "Ah, yes. Li-Mei, please step forward." Rositsa blinked but slowly stepped forward before halting in front of Ruthar.

Ruthar clears his throat, looking intently upon Rositsa. "One thousand, six hundred and seventy days." Ruthar counts upon his fingers as he speaks. "Four years, six months, and 27 days, if you include today as well." Ruthar looks around. "That, my friends, is how long Rositsa Li-Mei has been in service with the Phoenix Guard. Four and a half years is a true feat, Li-Mei, and it's truly hard to believe that it has been that long. You have truly become an integral part of this establishment and have learned so much from when we first met."

Rositsa flicked one ear forward and the other back, silently trying and failing to calucate Ruthar's math before offering a happy smile to Ina'thia, "I'm honored to serve under under all of you."

Ruthar clears his throat. "The pleasure is assuredly ours. For your outstanding service to both the Phoenix Guard and Azeroth herself, I present you the Commendation of Quel'Thalas." He offers the medal once more.

Rositsa gingerly took the medal before taking a small step back and dipping into a gracious bow, "Thank you, sir, I'm honored. I will do my best to make the Phoenix Guard and Quel'thalas proud."

Ruthar salutes Rosi proudly as the applause thunders once again. "You have already done that and more, Li-Mei. Wear it proudly." Rositsa smiled happily and quietly stepped back in line before pinning the medal to her tabard.

Ruthar taps the bag at his hip. "Not to worry - only a few more!" He looks to his left. "Captain, if you will.” Gattius falls in, front and center while Ruthar looks upon him. "The mantle of leadership is not one I ever truly wanted in my youth, to be quite honest. It takes a level head, firm ideals, and true selflessness, not to mention the tactical necessities." Ruthar clears his throat. "However, I am very, very glad to say that Captain Starfrost is all of those things and more. He has led our own to the gates of hell and back, time and time again, with poise and clarity every step of the way." Ruthar smiles. "For your continued efforts as an effective leader, an expert Blood Knight, and a master of fatherhood, I present you the Commendation of Quel'Thalas."

Gattius grins. "Well, I had a pair of excellent mentors... thank you, Lieutenant-Commander. Commander." He nods to them both as he accepts the Commendation.

Ruthar returns the salute fully. "Wear it well, Starfrost. You do us all proud." He glances to his right. "That only leaves one more," he says with a smile. "Commander Dawnblade, if you would please step forth." Ina’thia raises a brow at Ruthar, and steps around in front of him.

Ruthar looks proudly upon Ina'thia, felfire eyes aglow. "Commander Dawnblade. From the wilds of Pandaria, to the timeless shores of Draenor. Through the depths of the churning Maelstrom into the seat of the Legion itself. We have all gloriously followed in your very footsteps to every corner of our world and others, all in the name of Quel'Thalas. It is due to your expert guidance and keen leadership that the Phoenix Guard finds itself at the hands of victory."

Ruthar smiles. "Time and time again, we fight down terrors that rain upon our shores and beyond, defend all that we hold dear each and every day of our lives." His voice raises with pride and Ruthar stands tall. "Your years of service and dedication go far beyond that which can be said by the gift of this medal, and we are all humbly grateful for what you have done and accomplished. It is with the greatest amount of pride that I can muster that I present to you, Commander Dawnblade, the Commendation of Quel'Thalas." He holds the medal in two hands, offering it to Ina'thia.

The Phoenix Guard erupts in applause as the every-stalwart Ina’thia is pushed to the precipice of emotion. She fights back tears with her legendary resolve. She accepts the medal, pins it to her tabard, and offers Ruthar a crisp salute.

Ruthar bows fully, the soft glint of prideful tears in his eyes. He returns her salute proudly and takes a step back to gift Ina'thia the floor.

“Thank you, Lieutenant Commander. It is an honor to serve Quel'Thalas with its finest soldiers. Blood Knights, Farstriders, Magisters, Medics... Phoenix Guard's greatness is not by my design, and I don't deserve all of the credit. We all deserve the credit. We give all that we can give; regularly putting ourselves in harm's way, for the good and the glory of our people. Thank you, everyone, for all that you have done and continue to do for the Phoenix Guard. For Quel'Thalas!” Inathia stands at attention and salutes.

Ruthar hoists a proud fist into the air. "For Quel'Thalas!" The salute is echoed by the present members at the ceremony, the sunlight of Quel’Danas fading, replaced by the current twilight in the Eversong Woods.

Ruthar finds his fist closed as he looks down to the fire, the memory feeling so very real as it came over him once more. The pride he felt in that moment on Quel’Danas was one of the highlights of his career. These were not just the best soldiers in Quel’Thalas - these were his best and closest friends, his family. He had the privilege to lead them, to walk with them in defense of all they held dear, to celebrate and mourn with them, to lift everyone up and celebrate them. When he was ripped through the Dark Portal to Draenor and left to die, it was the Phoenix Guard that rescued him. They risked everything for him time and time again, and how did he repay them for the last six years?

“I failed them.”

The reality of his failure had not felt as real as it did this evening. Ina’thia, his Commander, his closest confidant, had departed with no word. Relationships with Gattius and Bey’ron caused a great rift between his former Commander and his former Captain, instances that he knew nothing about. Would that rift have happened if he gave them the attention they deserved? Could he have helped to assuage the bitterness?

Then there was Rositsa Li-Mei. Ruthar sighed as he looked into the fire, thinking hard about the Farstrider. She had so dutifully served the Phoenix Guard for an extended period. Ruthar himself had offered her training and promoted her within the Farstriders for her excellent marksmanship and tracking abilities. Defected. That’s the word that continued to haunt him deeply, the word Magister Everblaze had used. He still couldn’t truly believe it, but then she confirmed it herself when Bey’ron brought Rositsa to the Starfrost manor. Would her fall from grace have taken place if Ruthar would have extended his hand? If he were the leader she needed, perhaps she would have never found herself needing to escape, needing to toss off the mantle of responsibility that Ruthar himself had blanketed her with.

He reached into a pouch at his waist to produce a glowing red gem, the arcane communicator that the Phoenix Guard used to use. He let it sit there in his palm, the firelight dancing upon the inactive deep red stone as his mind could still hear the voices that would come through it. He closed his palm around the stone, taking a deep breath as he closed his eyes.

“You have a chance to make things right,” he said to himself. He slipped the stone back into his pouch before heading into the Retreat to put his recognizable Farstrider armour back on. He shifted outside where his white hawkstrider Arturian awaited, urging the beast toward the pavilion that the Phoenix Guard once used as its headquarters.

“Time to be the leader that you should have always been.”

@inathia @syrielle @gattius-starfrost @raynellalaria @arosesrambles

#ooc #ruthar #phoenix guard #roleplay #ronaestrider #wow #ina'thia #rositsa #world of warcraft #syrielle #gattius #starfrost #raynell #a'laria

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rizzrack · 2 years

Text

He gradually worked his way through the stockroom, performing an audit of the inventory counts. The numbers were always right, but the merchant had little else to do in the meantime. Thankfully it won't be the case for long. The keen had just received news from a colleague at the estate that the ordered prints were being delivered. He was looking forward to finally beginning work on this new project. He had to wonder however how his associate Milgram was doing. It had been over twenty-four hours since he set out to complete some research of his. The merchant wasn't too worried however. Knowing that the customer was on his way with the prints assured him that he could expect to see Milgram very shortly.

Even sooner than he expected. A dingling bell hanging in the doorway notified the merchant of the presence of two more diminuitive folk. Through the entrance stepped a stout keen, and behind him followed Rizzrack. Although at first hesitant to enter, he quickly began to look all about the room.

While the stand could catch Rizzrack's attention, the inside of the shop absolutely captivated him. The air was perfumed with the sweet smell of grease and lubricant,a telling sign that they did more than just sell parts. However that alone wasn't what struck him. Like most things the ceiling was high enough for the average person, but unlike everything else Rizzrack was so used to seeing, the chairs, shelves, tables, almost everything was made for keenfolk in mind, everything but the service desk; that seemed to be more in favor of the average height profile of the population in Weeping Rose.

Rizzrack knew he had never been in this place before, but he couldn't ignore the gripping sensation of familiarity as he took in his surroundings...

The way the stools had seats that he didn't have to hop up into.

The way the tables didn't go above his chin or required his elbows to be above his shoulders.

The way most everything was within his natural reach.

He was too lost in his own world to notice the merchant come over to greet them.

"Milgram. Welcome back! How went your research in the field?"

"As ordinary as it could be. Aside from this one variable;" He takes a step aside to gesture to the smallkeen right behind. "I happened across someone looking for you!"

"Friend of the warden, we meet again!"

Rizzrack snapped out of it at the mention of 'warden'. He quickly recognized the merchant as the keen he was looking for. While he was glad to have finally found him, his mood was instantly sullied by being reminded of Silencer, influencing the way he reciprocates the greeting.

"Surprised, eh? I wouldn't be. I should have expected him to trick me! Just when ya think you can depend on someone, they lead you on and waste your time."

While both the keen were taken aback by his sudden venting, they had no trouble with keeping tact. "I see. Well, I take it you're in need of dependable people. You know, I know dependable people."

"We're the dependable people." Milgram specified.

"Sometimes the only ones you can depend on is your kin."

'That's a lie.' Rizzrack wanted to say. He knew very well you can't depend on kin either, because sometimes kin get other plans and think it's a great idea to abandon you like trash. But these guys wouldn't be kin by familial obligation. No, it'd be through the shared experience of the struggle for progress that bonds them. It almost felt like some vague lesson he learned before.

Not wanting to lose control of the interaction, the merchant continued. "Despite how long we've known each other, I believe I haven't properly introduced myself yet. I'm Zimbard."

"Zimbard. Well, Zimbard. I'm Rizzrack, and I'm sure you already know why I"m here now."

Zimbard smiled and nodded along patiently as Rizzrack explained his situation. Although he was reluctant to get into reasons and motives, the merchant seemed satisfied enough just knowing the important details.

"Well, retrieving your suit shouldn't be a problem to accomplish, and while we can get right on it, we only need your help to keep an eye on things here while Milgram and I are gone."

"And of course one other important thing."

----

Not long after, the two keen were on their way, completely trusting Rizzrack to be alone at the shop.

He could really feel them depending on him.

It was...

p r e s s u r e.

But he was fine! He was in his element. If someone walked in looking for something, he could find it! He could even sell it! He's sold things before. Like wood. He's sold woodsohowcouldhemessupsellingparts?

Rizzrack did his best to sit still and relax at the service desk. While there were better places to sit, he felt inclined to sit where he thought he should on duty. Besides, the little service bell he found himself tapping with his finger proved to be a helpful little distraction.

In truth there was no reason to stress over selling parts. He wasn't there to sell parts. In fact he's only there to wait for someone to delivery some drawings. Take them, make sure the paper is signed. Easy. Can't mess that up. Unlike meeting up with people. Apparently that can be messed up. Stupid Nortrom. Well guess what Mr. Warden? I've got everything handled myself. I never NEEDED your help, and when the sawsuit is finally back in business I'll-

Ding-ding-ingling...

Rizzrack looked to the bell. No, that wasn't him absent-mindedly tapping it. Realizing the sound came from the door he walked through, he looked up instead to see if it was the customer that Zimbard was expect-

Rizzrack gasps and quickly ducks down, hiding behind the desk.

It's Nortrom. What is HE doing here!? Did he forget about today? Who cares!? Going away you stupid man I'm not READY to see you yet!

@nortromthesilencer

#sorry I just went and made it a new starter or something lol

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fandomtrashrat · 11 months

Text

Whispers of the Heart

Solas//Lavellan

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

A/N: It’s been a HOT minute since I posted but I finally finished the third chapter! I have lots of plans for the next couple of chapters so I’m really excited. Enjoy ★彡

For a brief moment, the weight of the world lifted from Lavellan’s shoulders and she felt truly free.

The sun’s rays poured through the leaves overhead, creating a pattern of light and shadows as they bled through the canopy. Racing through the trees, she showed a gracefulness that made it seem like she was floating. She ran without abandon, feeling the exhilaration of the wind in her hair and the earth beneath her bare feet. She leaped over fallen logs and darted through narrow openings between the towering trees. The wind whispered in her ear and the songs of birds filled the air; it was as if the forest itself welcomed her into its embrace.

Lavellan’s laughter echoed through the woods. With every step, she felt a deep connection to her people, a subtle reminder of the freedom her people once had in these ancient woods. She took in a deep breath. Here, in this moment, she wasn’t the Inquisitor, she was simply Lavellan; lost in the beauty of the forest.

She ran until she eventually reached the edge of the woods, where the trees thinned, and a breathtaking sight unfolded before her—a crystal-clear lake nestled in a tranquil crawling, glistening under the gentle caress of the sunrise. Kneeling beside the pristine lake, she cupped her hands and dipped them into the cool, inviting water. She brought her palms to her lips, the cold water rushing down her throat. Feeling refreshed, Lavellan sat at the root of a tree, her eyes drifting to the dancing ripples on the lake’s surface. After being in the desert for almost two weeks, she had missed the soothing embrace of the forest. She closed her eyes for a moment, she was convinced that the spirits of the wild were whispering their secrets to her; she just had to be quiet enough to listen.

She kept her eyes closed, even when she heard footsteps approaching beside her.

“I know we need to leave soon, but I just need a moment by myself,” Lavellan sighed to no one in particular. She assumed that it was one of the Inquisition soldiers reminding her of their departure back to Skyhold, most likely by the command of Cassandra, but when she didn’t hear a response, she opened her eyes.

A few feet to her right sat a black wolf, its piercing eyes staring at the lake in front of her. Under the golden rays of the sun, it was as if the very essence of midnight itself had come alive in the daylight. The wind blew on its fur, revealing hidden undertones of midnight blue. If Lavellan wasn’t so shocked by the wolf’s calm behavior, she would have fully mustered the words ‘beautiful’. Under the unwavering stares of Lavellan, the wolf turned its head, its bluish-grey colored eyes meeting Lavellan’s gaze. Struck by the depth within the wolf’s gaze, it was as if the creature was trying to communicate with her.

“Where is your pack? Are you alone vir dirthera?” The wolf returned its gaze to the water. “I’ll take that as a yes.” She could have sworn that she heard the wolf exhale sharply. She followed suit, looking at the lake’s glistening waves reflecting their surroundings. “I felt alone for a very long time after I left my pack, but I finally feel like I’m starting to find my place in my new one.” Lavellan’s voice held a tinge of vulnerability as she shared her thoughts with the silent companion.

The wolf’s ears perked up at her words, and it seemed to regard her with a newfound intensity as if it understood the weight of her words. Lavellan continued, her voice becoming quieter, “But sometimes, when I’m alone at night…I feel like I’m back at Haven. All I hear are the screams of the ones we lost. All I smell is the blood–mine, the monsters’, the people’s.” There was a pause as Lavellan let in a shaky breath. “The worst part was the cave. I had no idea if I had saved anyone or if I made things worse. I thought I was going to die alone without knowing if anything that I had done had helped.”

Lavellan sighed, “I know I can’t change the past, but sometimes, I wonder if what I’ve done up till this point has changed anything. What if we’ve put all this work into trying to fix Thedas, but we’re only delaying the inevitable?” As if in response, the wolf emitted a low, almost sympathetic growl. It was a sound that resonated with the shared pain of the unknown.

Lavellan turned to the wolf, a small smile on her face. “But then, there are moments that make me believe it’s worth it. The smiles of those we’ve saved, the lives we’ve touched, and the difference we’ve made. And if we can do that, maybe it’s worth the fight?”

The wolf remained there, its piercing eyes fixed on Lavellan with unwavering understanding. It was as if the creature sensed the depth of her sorrow and shared in her silent grief. Lavellan wiped away a forming tear with the back of her hand, her voice now barely more than a whisper. “I don’t talk about these things, not with anyone. But there’s something about this place, about you,” she said, her attention returning to the wolf, “that makes me feel like I can.” The wolf continued to watch her, offering no judgment or condemnation, only silent companionship. It was as if the forest itself had lent her a listener for her unspoken burdens.

Suddenly, various shouts erupted from the woods, “Inquisitor! Inquisitor Lavellan!” Lavellan sighed as she leaned her back against the tree, looking around at her surroundings. If it were to be the last time she’d ever visit this place again, she wanted to remember every single detail: the smell of the pine, the ripples of the water, the utter serenity that overwhelmed every atom of her being. She breathed in the fresh air once more as she readied herself to go back.

“It seems that duty calls…thank yo–” as Lavellan turned her gaze toward the wolf, she realized that it had long vanished.

“Inquisitor, how kind of you to join us,” Cassandra mumbled, a mixture of annoyance and relief, as she packed her supplies. Lavellan simply offered a sheepish grin as she walked towards Cassandra, she truly did not want to have to explain to her the reason for being late involved in a morning therapy session with a wolf. “I must urge you to start preparing your horse, Inquisitor. We have a long ride ahead of us.” Lavellan nodded and quickly walked over to her horse, packing for the journey.

It wasn’t until their departure that Lavellan finally spotted Solas, blending in with the soldiers at the rear of the group. His contemplative gaze met hers, and a silent understanding passed between them. Lavellan urged her horse forward, and Solas subtly joined her at the front.

“I imagine that your morning adventure was promising?” he inquired, his tone carrying a hint of intrigue.

“You could definitely say that,” she admitted, a smile forming at the way Solas seemed to read her mind. “Solas, can spirits come in animal forms?”

“It’s certainly possible” Solas mused. “The Fade often intertwines with our world in mysterious ways. Why do you ask?” With that, Lavellan recounted the encounter with the wolf, describing its unusual appearance and behavior.

Lavellan looked towards Solas, a confused expression etched on her face, “One thing that confuses me is if it truly was a spirit, why would it be drawn to me?”

Solas considered her words carefully, his eyes staring at the horizon. “The threads of fate are intricate, Inquisitor. We are but weavers, unraveling the tapestry as we go. The reasons could be as complex as the Fade itself. Perhaps it sensed something within you, a connection that goes beyond the mundane. The spirits are drawn to certain individuals, certain emotions that you may have been feeling at the time; seeking to simply influence or guide those willing to listen.”

“If that’s the case, then I truly hope that it was a spirit that visited me,” Lavellan murmured.

“Why is that?”

“Because the thought of it being alone saddens me.”

A/N: Vir Dirthera = Wolf (at least according to chatgbt)

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #solas #lavellan #solas dread wolf #solavellan #dai #inquisitor lavellan #solas x female lavellan

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harlot-of-oblivion · 1 year

Text

The Missing Pieces

Hey! Long time, no see!

I was looking through my google drive after a long hiatus from writing, and realized that I never posted this piece. It was written for the RDGRV Zine before it got cancelled.

Hope you enjoy! 🌹🥰🌹

There’s something about sitting in total darkness that seems oddly familiar, almost welcoming despite the unknown lurking in the shadows. I can see why most people would fear the dark, but I find myself at ease while focusing on the rhythm of my breath.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

It must be a habit I picked up to remain calm and in control. But there’s no use dwelling on it so long as I’m a man with no past.

I hear the sound of approaching footsteps before the soft creak of a door opening ahead of me. Then, the bright flash of artificial light shining down on me from up above. I blink my eyes as the blurry outline of a man walks up to the table before taking a seat.

“Who are you?”

“I’ll be the one asking the questions here.”

I recognize that voice. It’s the detective seeking answers beyond what happened at that forsaken manor. I should’ve refused to go with him, and yet something about him seemed so familiar…and before I knew it, I found myself here searching for answers in this station as well.

“So, what’s your name?”

“I don’t know.”

The detective tilts his head. “Alright then…where are you from?”

“I don’t know.”

“Two questions in and you already sound like a broken record.”

I can hear the disbelief in his voice as I try to make out his face in the shadows of the harsh light. The detective leans back and kicks his feet up on the table before continuing this futile interrogation.

“What’s with those bandages around your head?”

I reach up and touch my heavily wrapped face. “I can’t remember how I got these injuries,” I reply with an anguished sigh. “But for some reason...they fill me with regret.”

“Lemme get this straight,” the detective begins as he sits up in his chair. “You can’t remember anything about yourself? That’s pretty convenient since those mafia goons seem to think that you’re the infamous Dark Slayer…does that ring any bells for ya?” he asks while glancing down at my clenched fist on the table.

“It sounds familiar…but I don’t know why,” I murmur as the ominous title wriggles through my mind. “Maybe I am this Dark Slayer, and if that’s the case…then perhaps I’m better off not remembering my life.”

“Okay, this whole woe is me shtick is getting us nowhere,” the detective mutters with a frustrated shake of his head. “How about we take it from the top?”

“As I’ve already told you, I don’t-”

“Then tell me what you do remember.”

I remain silent as I consider the consequences of answering. On the one hand I’d just sound crazy and be sent away, but on the other hand...

Is the truth really worth the risk of being arrested for crimes I don’t even remember committing?

I take a deep breath…and before I know it, I’m telling him the tale of my search for the missing pieces of my past.

The first thing I remember is waking up by a lake. My head throbbed in pain as the chilly wind seeped through my damp clothes. And my eyes...the drizzling rain fell against my face as I tried to inspect my surroundings, but it was no use; all I could make out was vague shapes in the distance and blurry images of rocks beneath me.

And that’s when I saw it. Something long and thin laying on the ground next to me. I picked it up and held it close to my face, staring hard at it until I realized that it was a sword. My head began to ache as images of merciless bloodshed flooded my mind as the desperate need to survive churned in my stomach. I wondered if these were my memories as I unsheathed this blade.

Yamato.

It felt like I was greeting an old and familiar friend.

My breath trembled in disgust as I caught a glimpse of my face in the blade. The horrifying scars running down my forehead and cheeks reminded me of tears. And my eyes...bloodshot and full of painful regret. I hissed as my head pounded with the memory of unspeakable torture at the hands of…that’s when it hit me.

I couldn’t remember anything.

No name, no memory…

A total mystery to myself.

I sheathed my blade and pushed that startling discovery to the side as I got up from the rocky ground. Then, I stumbled around for a moment before coming across a building by the lake. My sight was awful but I could still hear the definite silence of no one home. So, I entered the building and searched for...well, anything that could tell me where I woke up.

I found no answers but I did find some bandages in a cupboard. My hands shook as I wrapped my face, only leaving my eyes visible as I spotted something on a nearby table...it was a newspaper. I leaned in closer and struggled to read the first article on the front page, but all I could make out was the picture with this headline:

THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE SPRADA MASSACRE

My breath stopped as I gazed down at the picture of stately manor. Something about the tragic end of this family seemed familiar but I couldn’t fathom why...but the nagging need to find out burrowed through my mind as I left the building with a determined purpose.

If I find this manor...then I might find some answers about my past.

I slowly made my way to the heart of Red Grave City in the pouring rain. None of it seemed familiar but I walked the streets like a native of this place, cutting through back alleys to avoid crowds of people. Finding this manor haunted my thoughts like a ghost with unfinished business as I continued down the street. I wondered why I felt so strongly about it...would I really find clues about my past?

The mystery of my missing memory had me completely distracted. I didn’t even notice that I was no longer steering clear of people until someone bumped into me.

“What the hell’s your problem?!”

I glared at the blurry figure of a short-tempered young man and clenched my fist around my sword. The young man held his hands up while backing away with a low whistle.

“Hey, uh...are you okay? Do you need help?” he warily asked with a touch of genuine concern.

There was something about his voice that seemed vaguely familiar...but finding the manor was more important than talking with strangers.

“I’m fine,” I muttered before continuing down the street.

As I turned the corner, I noticed him rushing to a payphone...probably calling the cops. I quickened my pace for a few blocks, taking back alleys and walking in silence on empty streets. But I started to feel like I was being followed while passing through an abandoned playground. I drew my blade and turned around to confront my stalker.

“Whoa! Hey...easy there!”

It was the young man from before.

“Why are you following me?” I asked with a low growl while pointing my blade at him.

“I’m a reporter...and I have some more questions for ya.”

“I don’t have time for this,” I snarled before sheathing my blade.

“Are you the Dark Slayer?”

The reporter’s query knocked the air out of me. “What did you say?”

“The Dark Slayer. He’s a ruthless gangster and hitman with a peculiar code...or was since no one’s seen him for quite some time.” The reporter paused as he approached. “The Dark Slayer used a sword just like yours to carry out his hits.”

That foreboding name...my mind rattled with vague memories of cold and calculating strikes against despicable men. I stared down at the Yamato, wondering if I truly am this infamous hitman.

“So, tell me...are you the Dark Slayer?”

I never got the chance to answer him. A group of men stepped out of the shadows and quickly surrounded us with guns drawn. One of them moved forward while aiming their gun at the meddling reporter.

“What the hell is going on?!” he exclaimed while shielding me from their view.

“We’ve got a score to settle with the Dark Slayer...this is one lead you won’t live to follow, kid!”

I looked down at the Yamato as the gangster cocked his gun. And before I knew it, I drew its blade and rushed forward as they pulled the trigger. The bullet ricocheted off the blade and hit one of the other men as I swiftly stabbed them in the gut. A hail of bullets soon followed but I was able to repel their assault with a fast whirl of my sword while the reporter took cover. I held on until making a break for it, signaling the reporter to follow as I raced through back alleys.

The reporter asked if I knew where I was going...and honestly, I didn’t know. But I knew deep down that I was headed towards the manor. I may not remember this city, but something inside me was guiding me to the one place with answers about my past.

We arrived at the courtyard of the dilapidated manor. I walked ahead as the reporter warned about those gangsters catching up to us, but his words fell on deaf ears as I stepped through the decaying entryway. All that mattered to me was getting to the bottom of my missing memory...and that abandoned home was the key.

I looked around until my eyes locked on a portrait. Its burned canvas seemed to call to me, beckoning me to come closer...my head throbbed as I stared at the charred image of a distinguished family. The woman with golden blond hair seemed familiar, but the two young boys with white hair standing by her side reminded of…

A rush of grisly memories crashed into me: flashes of gunfire, sprays of blood, and a small boy crying over the motionless body of...the woman from the portrait!

Excruciating pain racked my head as I fell down to my knees. The reporter called out to me but I couldn’t make out his words…it was only when the gangsters busted into the manor that I realized he was warning me.

We were completely surrounded as they drew their weapons with contemptuous sneers. The reporter whipped out his gun in desperate defense but I remained still, waiting for a chance to strike as the metallic click of cocked guns echoed in the dank room…but a single gunshot from the shadows took everyone by surprise as it whizzed through the air, taking out one of the gangsters with utmost precision.

“The Underworld Mafia must be losing their touch if they need this many to take out a geezer and a rookie reporter.”

That’s when you stepped out of the shadows, Detective. I still couldn’t see very well, but I sensed the gangsters' hesitation and fear...and that was my moment to strike. Those tragic memories faded away as I rushed forward, quickly drawing my blade and cutting down a couple gangsters with swift slash.

An array of bullets flew through the air as you and the reporter fought by my side until the last gangster fell with a gurgled cry. Then, you introduced yourself before requesting me to come down to the station for questioning. I thought about declining your offer, but there was something about you that seemed...familiar.

“And here we are.”

The detective remains quiet as my tale ends. Then, he pulls something out of his pocket and places it on the table before sliding it towards me. It looks like an amulet with a large red gem. Something about it compels me to reach down and touch it, which sparks a memory about a promise made over this very amulet.

“We made a pact to take down the mob boss who ordered the hit on our family.”

I look up at the detective, trying to gauge his reaction as I remove the bandages. And as they fall to the ground, I realize that I can see clearly now. The dense fog surrounding my past lifts as I stare at the detective with a face identical to mine.

“Dante…”

My eyes flicker over his shoulder to a young man with white hair leaning against the wall behind him.

“Nero...my son…”

The detective, no...my brother moves around the table and pats my shoulder.

“Welcome back, Vergil.”

#devil may cry #dmc #vergil #dante #nero #noir au #this brings back memories #I had soooo many ideas for an extended noir au after writing this #now I'll be daydreaming about it for days lol #harlot writes

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zoeyslament · 1 year

Text

Dentist Trip (Javey OneShot)

Trigger warnings: homophobia, dentist, bl**d, surgery, anastesia. None of this is violent it’s litertally about a trip to the dentist.

Also this one is in first person pov :0

“Jack, if you record this, I’m lighting your hair on fire and shutting off the water.”

That was what Davey had told me as I drove him toward the dentist’s office to get his wisdom teeth out. I’d thankfully landed myself in a scenario where the wisdom teeth just fell in beside the rest of my pearly-whites, and therefore didn’t need them removed. My boyfriend, however, wasn’t so lucky. We’d had this scheduled for weeks now, and every day he’s reminded me of how much he was dreading it. And now, here he was, pouting in the front seat of my beat-up blue car.

“I won’t, Davey.” I assured him, chuckling a bit as I pressed down on the gas pedal. “Unless you say something really funny, of course…”

What we were of course talking about were those stupid videos of people saying dumb shit while out of it coming off anastesia. There was footage of people trying to eat their own fingers, convinced their friends and family were dogs, that kind of garbage. I’d joked that I was going to make one too.

“I’m serious about the hair-on-fire thing.” He looked away from me, staring out the window. It was raining, which probably wasn’t doing much for his mood.

“Sure, babe.” I took one hand off the wheel and patted his shoulder. He glared at me.

“Hands at ten and two, Jack.” Davey grumbled. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you that?”

With a sigh, I placed my hand back on the wheel. Davey returned to hating his own existance for the time being, and I put my eyes back on the road. The office isn’t too far from home, only around a fifteen minute drive, so we should have been coming up on it soon.

Sure enough, I laid eyes on it. A stout, navy-blue building with glass double doors adorned with a logo of a smiling tooth holding a tube of toothpaste. The rain continued to pound against the concrete of the parking lot, forming puddles in the ditches surrounding the area. I pulled into the nearest parking spot (an excellent parking job if I do say so myself) and looked over to Davey. His dread and anger seemed to have shifted to fear. I clasped my hand around his, unbuckling so I could reach him easier. I cupped Davey’s face in my free hand, taking in his features: those soft lips, those big blue eyes, and those thick, lovely curls.

“It’s gonna be alright.” I whispered, and I could feel him nuzzling his face into my hand. “It’ll all be over before you know it.”

“Thanks, Jackie.” He whispered back, a shudder making its way down his spine. I nodded and pulled him in for a kiss—just a soft, gentle brush against his lips—and then opened my door, racing around to the other end to open Davey’s for him. He smiled a bit, stepping out and grabbing onto my hand. As we ran to the relief the small onning provided from the rain, I gave his hand a comforting squeeze.

I pulled open the door and held Davey’s hand all the way into the waiting room. I sat him down next to me on one of the little sofas they have in there, and he rested his head on my shoulder.

This attracted some attention from the other clients. An older woman wrinkled her nose up in disgust, eyeing my boyfriend and I like we were particularly disgusting wads of gum she’d found stuck to her shoe. A guy about our age whispered something into his girlfriend’s ear, and she erupted into a fit of giggles. A man actively turned his young son away so he was no longer facing us.

I don’t know whether it was my close contact with Davey, my black-painted nails, or my pride-pin adorned vest that gave away that I was dating a dude, but I hated the fact that everyone else in that office seemed to be a conservative white person. The man with the kid in particular had an American flag tattooed across his right arm, a cross and the words ‘straight = great’ on his left. I wanted to drive my fist through the guy’s yellowing teeth, but also didn’t want to get up. The couch was rather comfortable.

It didn’t matter, because before long Davey was called back anyway. He took a few shaky breaths and got up, his loving boyfriend (me) grasping his sweaty palm.

The dental assistant, a young woman named Julia, brought us to one of the operative rooms.

“Mr. Jacobs, you just sit down in the chair there. Mr. Kelly, you can sit on the stool in the corner for now, but we’ll need you to head back to the waiting room once we get the operation under way.” She explained.

I looked into Davey’s eyes. He was clearly very tense. But I knew I couldn’t get in the way of the dentists and technicians, so I took my seat on the stool and watched as Julia placed the mask-like thing over my lover’s nose, the anastesia I presumed. After a few minutes his eyes were shut.

“He won’t feel a thing, don’t worry.” Julia handed me a sheet of paper with information about the procedure. “He’ll probably be a little out of it when he wakes up, though.”

”I know,” I laughed. “Same thing happened last year, with my ex. I brought her here, same as I did for Davey.”

”Oh, yes!” Julia clapped her hands together. “Ms. Plumber! How’s she doing?”

”Well.” He informed her. “Got into her dream school, and she’s still writing. She’s trying to get published.”

”Always had big dreams, that one.” Julia nodded, turning her back to me and pulling on a pair of blue latex gloves. “You two were close for a long time.”

”Met in freshman year, yeah.” I said. “Best friends ever since. Our relationship just wasn’t meant to be romantic, I guess.”

“And that’s okay! Seems like you’ve found someone perfect anyway.” She beamed, flicking her hand in Davey’s direction.

“Yeah.” I sighed. “Been with him for nearly a year now.”

”Are you two hoping to tie the knot soon?” Julia examined her tools, basically paying me no mind.

“Maybe, after we graduate this year.” I admitted. “I’d like to propose, but who knows if he’ll say yes or not.”

”Well, I wish you luck.” Julia smiled. “The dentist will be in shortly, you can head back to the waiting room, okay?” She pointed down the hallway.

I stood up and before leaving, made my way to Davey, sound asleep. I brushed some of his chocolate brown curls out of his face and pressed my lips against his forehead. I swear I saw him smile a little bit in his unconsciousness.

“It’ll be over before you know it.” I repeated, though I knew he wouldn’t be able to hear me. “I’ll be here to pick you up.”

“Thanks for the speech, Mr. Kelly, but please head back out to the waiting room.” Julia tapped her foot impatiently as I retreated with a sigh. I passed lines of fake potted plants—not as pretty as the real ones my boyfriend somehow managed to keep alive back home—and paintings of smiling people holding toothbrushes, a huge chalkboard with ‘remember to floss!’ written in big block lettering, and a huge portrait of a young girl, toothbrush in hand like the others, all on my way back to the waiting room. I’d have loved to have paid attention to any of those things, I really would, but my mind was focused on Davey.

I really wished they would have let me stay there with him, so I could be there when he woke up. I sat down on the same couch as before, looking over the paper Julia had given me.

It said that the procedure would likely take a little over an hour. I crossed my legs, folding the paper in half and jamming it in my vest pocket and pulling out my phone.

I scrolled through my messages—mostly spam—for a few minutes, quickly getting bored of that and clicking on one of my mobile app games. It entertained me for a while before I saw a message pop up on screen.

A text from Sarah: ‘How’s my brother?’

I bit my bottom lip then released it, tapping out the message: ‘Okay I think’

’Is he asleep?’ She responded.

’Yep’

‘Oh good’

My nerves started to wash over me again. What if something went wrong and I never saw him again? That couldn’t happen, could it? No, it was impossible! Right? I felt a bead of sweat trickle down my forehead as I glanced around the room. The father and son had been called in, and the boyfriend and girlfriend were also nowhere to be seen, but the old lady was still glaring at me, her eyes narrowed in the direction of my pride pins—three of them. A simple bi flag, a rainbow flag, and a blue one with a pair of interlocking male gender symbols (⚣) with a heart around them.

I couldn’t stand this place. I wanted to go home, but at this point it wouldn’t be worth it to drive all the way there and just turn back. The rain had ceased, I noticed, so I took a few steps outside and onto the onning.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket again. There were a few more messages on it, all from Sarah.

’Is he out yet?’

‘Jack is he okay?’

I shuddered nervously and clicked the keys in response. ‘He’ll be another half hour, but he’s ok ig’

’Oh’

At this point, I didn’t want Sarah worrying. I put the phone to my left ear and called her, she picked up immediatly.

”He’s okay.” I started by saying. “I’m worried too, but he’s alright.”

Sarah let out a deep breath. “It’s a relief to hear you say it out loud.”

”I understand.” I muttered. “Thirty more minutes, I think. He’s doing great. He’s gonna be pretty out of it when he wakes up though.”

”Record him.” She chuckled. “He said some great stuff the last time he had something like this done.”

”There was a last time?” I grinned.

”He was nine. I doubt he remembers, but he talked about Cheetos for like an hour straight.”

”I cannot wait to tease him about that.” I joked. “But I promised him I wouldn’t record any of it. I think he’s worried I’ll show it to people.”

Sarah gave a hearty laugh ftom her end of the phone. “Alright, I’ll let you go now.”

”Thanks, Sarah.”

She hung up, and I was feeling a bit better. I leaned against the wall of the building, checking my phone for the time every few minutes. Once thirty minutes were up, I went back inside and found Julia waiting for me.

“He’s all set. We’ve been done for a few minutes now, just giving him some time to wake up.” She explained. “He did great.”

I sighed with relief. “Can I go in and see him?”

”Follow me.” She directed me towards the room.

Davey was sitting up in the chair, his eyes half-shut, his hair a mess, and his mouth swollen with gauze. He looked at me, and part of me thought he didn’t recognize me.

”You’re all set to go.” Julia announced. She turned to me. “Only soft foods for a while, okay? Take care of him, Jack, he’s basically your little baby for the next few days.”

”He’s always my little baby.” I blushed, helping Davey to his feet and holding onto his hand. Julia chuckled and led us both outside. Davey stumbled over his own feet most of the way, murmuring sleepily.

Once I had him firmly seated and buckled in the front seat, I pulled out of the parking lot and took to the road. “How do you feel?”

”I love you.”

That wasn’t what I expected to hear. But sure enough, there he was, smiling like an idiot with the bloody gauze sticking out of the corners of his mouth. “Love you!” He repeated again, as if this were the funniest joke in the world. Then, he said something that sounded a lot like “Will you go out with me?”

I rolled my eyes teasingly. “Davey, I’m already taken!” I grinned. This caused a tear to start rolling down his cheek. “What?”

I realized what I’d done. “No no! Taken by you! We’re dating, remember? You’re my boyfriend!” I assured him, and his tears turned to laughter again. “I love you!”

That conversation went on for a while: Me explaining that he and I were already together, and Davey following it up with ‘I love you’.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

He must have been pretty sleepy, because after only ten minutes of driving, he was sound asleep with his head resting on the closed window. The final five minutes of the drive home were just silence, punctuated only by the occasional snore.

I pulled into our apartment complex’s parking lot, right in our assigned spot. The car lurched to a sudden stop and Davey was shaken awake.

“Sorry about that, honey.” I whispered. “Now come on, let’s get you to bed.” He looked up to me sleepily. I opened the car door and scooted around in front to get to his. I helped him to his feet, keeping him steady where he stood in a puddle of water from the earlier rainstorm.

“Think you can make it up five flights of stairs by yourself?” I asked, gently stroking my hand down his cheek. “No? It’s alright, we can take the elevator.”

Inside, I headed straight for the elevator, Davey by my side. I pressed the button for floor 6 and help him inside. I held onto him the entire time, letting him use my shoulder as a pillow. We made it up to the sixth floor and down the hall to room 641. I slipped the key into the lock, turning it and listening to the pleasant clicking noise it made.

“Come on.” I tugged him through the doorway and sat him down on our sofa, pulling a blanket over the both of us. He was sleeping again when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

Sarah again, I was sure. ‘Got him?’

’Yeah, we’re home. He’s sleeping’ I smiled as I typed out the message.

’What’d he say’

’Mostly he just told me he loved me, actually’

‘That’s so sweet’

I tucked it away again and helped my boyfriend into a more comfortable position, laying down beside him, holding him close.

”Today was kind of a disaster.” I murmured. “But you do look pretty adorable, so that makes it better.”

About a week after our disaster trip to the dentist, everything was going well. Davey was finally eating solid foods again (after quite a bit of whining and protests because that man has no pain tolerance) and had stopped complaining of his gums bothering him. I was just happy he wasn’t in pain any more as we sat together on the couch, watching late-night Wheel of Fortune reruns.

“Hey, Jack?” Davey leaned over out of the blue.

“Yeah, babe?”

”What sort of stuff did I say on the way home that day?” He asked, humor twinkling in his blue eyes.

“You mostly just told me you loved me.” I smiled. “It was super cute. I mean, you’re always cute, but…” my voice trailed off. “You know what I mean.”

He chuckled and moved closer so our bodies were touching, Davey providing me with all of his comfort and warmth. “Yeah, I get it. I love you, Jack.”

”I love you too, Davey, and frankly, I’m just happy you didn’t set my hair on fire.”

#newsies #jack kelly #davey jacobs #david jacobs #au #headcanon #oneshot #modern au #javey #javid

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evelyne-am · 2 years

Text

14th March 2023-

14th March 2023

Day 1

(By the way I’m really glad I didn’t post as last night because my day one continued over the 24 hours.)

I don’t know where to start. Those who follow my stories know that I didn’t sleep much, I felt nervous excited and scared all at the same time. There is a part of me that thinks that this kind of grueling training is exactly what I need, to strip myself to nothing after being somewhat applauded the last year or so in the music world, that has been nice after a long pandemic of feeling indispensable,but it has been completely unchallenging. But also it has been a long time since I have sat and created music, as opposed to performing it, and the next couple of months I had saved for that, so I wasn’t sure if fully I knew what I was giving up my creative space for.

I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm and had a chat with a couple of friends who were awake at the time thinking “ oh I have these extra minutes” only to discover it was my first day of my period. If you have a woman’s body then you will know for many that is horrible horrible day for most. For me it’s usually raging pain. Today was no different. I want to be full proof about being there punctually every day so the driver was ready for me and I was bang on time but I have not accounted for the fact that I would be in so much pain. I asked the driver to go get some medicine and said if you couldn’t find me, leave it in front of the lift. I reach 20 minutes before our call time so I can listen to some music and chill, the second I arrived I see others had already arrived; they were warming up walking, jogging and within two minutes of me coming sir and our other director Mohsina (henceforth referred to as M) also walked in. I did not have a chance to chill. I was pleased I was there before sir though, (like everyone else was,) that he saw my face when he walked in and not that of someone who came exactly time but as someone who came for themselves to adjust to the new surroundings just like we had been taught in the workshop. Sir comes daily with a whole car full of things; a project, Harmonium, a keyboard, speakers, and a big picnic basket full of goodies for us. Even in the workshops I’ve seen him always come 30 to 60 minutes early so that he has ample time to set up all his equipment and also if there are any questions for anyone who comes early. I see the room (pictured) on the 6th floor that will be my home for 3 months. It is beautiful in the morning sunlight, and way way nicer than the one we did the workship in, I feel so lucky the moment I have entered, a weird sense of belonging comes over me. After a quick warmup. There are 12 of us if you count M. 8 females and 4 males, quite a small cast. They are all quite pros but one of the males is a young guy who was in the workshop with us, tbh I was surprised to see him, but found out he is just shadowing the cast as he can’t attend daily due to university. The rest of us are the main cast, but it will determined what roles we each have as the play is designed. Sir started with a short but sweet message for us to be kind to be grateful and to remind us that we are doing is paying homage to the people that the play is written about (we’ll talk about that later) Sir told us a little bit about how his vision in the play. I won’t give too much away (but this blog will have a lot of spoilers for this play anyway, so don’t read if you don’t want spoilers for Spardhhas next production. ) But for now let’s just say it’s going to be immersive. It made me feel so excited, I can’t tell you. I have those feelings of when we were bringing Rahman Sir for his honorary doctorate in Berklee. But there I knew exactly what was going to happen I could envision it. Here it's outside my realm of thought everything that was talked about; lights and audience participation and set I don’t even know what they’re meaning but I could tell that it’s exciting.

My adrenaline got me through the first half, the first half is something that I know a little about as I had done the workshops last month. It’s fully physical, it's sometimes really hard, and sometimes there are little breaks that he gives for us to meditate in between the exercises. I don’t want to divulge his actual methods but there’s voice, breathing, full body, meditation there’s awareness of the room and the group exercises. As someone who has been to school where you are studying the entire aspect of an art, this is something that I can do technically- warmups, biology etc. The mental Aspect of being hundred percent aware of your surroundings is not something that I have studied. I am a very inside my head kind of person and Sir calls me out on it. My mind wanders constantly, and though I try to bring it back to be in the room it waivers a lot. I feel bad but I also appreciate Sir reminding me of this bad trait, this is the main thing that I would feel that I will have to work on.

Actually it is the reason that I have so many accidents, if you have read any of my Facebook status as you will know that I had about 3 to 4 accidents last year I have bruises all over my body. And just today I was thinking how reckless I am in my thoughts especially when I’m walking on the streets and I had a vision that I was hit by a bus. I’m thinking I must use what I learned in class in my everyday life and be less so.

At the height of our physical limits, sir gives us a break. I assumed it was about 20 minutes as it used to be in the workshop and I ran to the washroom. Oh that bloody ShilpokolA washroom. Thanks to the state of my health I spent the whole 20 minutes in the bathroom, the entire break. I had prepared a Tiffin of boiled eggs sausages and oranges, I planned to have some tea/caffeine to wake myself up for the second half as I used to do in the workshop. But I did nothing.

The second half is when we read the script. I had prepared my backpack to perfection but of course I forgot my glasses. What happened was, that I started falling asleep. Hundred Pages of bangla text l, everyone taking turns reading it; one would’ve thought that the hardness of it would keep me alert, or the fact that I could be next to read would keep me alert, but I fell asleep, I nodded off and in front of my 11 peers and Sir. I kept checking myself up and cursing myself and not sleeping enough, for not bringing caffeine (caffeine makes my heart palpitations go nuts so usually I don’t drink it) and for not bringing my bloody glasses that I really need to read this long text. And it was right then, during the second half of the rehearsal that my cramps came back in full bloody swing, the driver did not bring the medicines that I had asked him to do in front of the lift and I was squirming in pain. This was the point where all these thoughts crossed my mind that I would not be able to do this every day. The long hours, hard Bangla, and most of all the level of constant concentration felt really hard, especially with cramps. I tried to hold my back and massage it very discreetly so the pain would subside.I think M noticed and she asked me to come sit next to her in front of the desk where I could lean. From the second story (which shall henceforth be called M1- because its the first story in order) though I don’t know what happened, maybe it was sitting next to M, or the fact that it was something that hit me harder I was back in. I cried while the story went dark, i found the character so intriguing and hard to fathom. I even volunteered to read in my horrible Bangla reading With the risk of angering sir when I stumbled.

i left day one feeling absolutely in a rush, all my earlier doubts out the window (as you could see in my Insta video.) before I left I asked permission to write this blog from Sir. He seemed cool, which is why I officially start the blog today’s with the day one post.

The rest of the day was spent in multiple things, I was a bit down, I got distracted. The days homework was to prepare a section of the play to present the next day and by the time I did my to dos from my normal music life, procrastinate, spent time with my mum it was really late. On my way home from mum’s I was walking to buy some chocolate and listening to a song, when I fell down. Another of my accidents, because I was unmindful, the bleeding wouldn’t stop for ages as ususally that happens. I was reminded of how just that morning I saw myself being hit by a bus and now have vowed to stop being on my phone when I am walking the streets. Reading in Bangla is really tough for me so I asked DC (friend) To read it out for me so that I could record. Halfway through the story of M1, DC stops. At first I couldn’t understand why and asked if they were tired, but then I realise DC is crying. I realise this is the first time that DC is reading it and that the first time we had heard the story in class almost all of us were in tears too earlier that day. I will elaborate later about the stories themselves. I have taken permission actually to reveal here, but it’s intense, the most intense; it is about women and rape. While I was listening to the story being read out loud for me I saw a lot more things than I did when I was trying to focus on reading Bangla text. I didn’t really prepare a part but I knew the text a lot better last night than I did when I was reading it with my own eyes. But i did not feel as emotional the second time around, i dont know why, i was dilly dallying, and tho i stopped myself from doing the blog post, i still stayed up later than the previous night and at one point it was 2 am till i push myself to shut eyes. Something I can’t explain is that I woke up at 4:30am. It was my cramps, but I was sat in the middle of the night clutching my uterus and crying, I’ve had cramps before but I’ve never felt like . This story is creeping inside me.

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