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gkt-tummyaches · 7 months

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id like to hear some of ur boomer hcs if u don't mind 🤭 or how he acts in relationships w/ others? (either platonic/romantic is good)

boomer's a character that moves to the beat of his own drum. he doesn't like following orders, but he's not exactly a leader-type either. he's a loner by choice.

growing up with brick trying to boss him around throughout childhood was an experience he's surprised he got through without one of them ending up maimed or worse.

despite that, he's very sociable, very likeable. he's witty and sarcastic, funny with a dry sense of humor, etc. a comic relief act. this act tends to be a defense against any kind of negative comments or overly harsh criticism he receives - granted, not much - as well as a way to separate himself from whatever heavier emotions he isn't quite ready to confront.

so, he's well-liked, he's got a lot of acquaintances. he can breeze from one friend group to another without a problem. boomer tends to win people over because of his authenticity; while the light-heartedness is surface-level, it's still genuine, real, which makes a world of difference when it comes to making friends.

it's like this: everybody knows boomer. he's kind of dead on social media and he never stops talking about bugs and he wears t-shirts with weird meme text on them - all of it only really adds to his charm.

the reality goes a little differently. boomer doesn't have many genuine, real friends. it's on purpose that he keeps people at arm's length. not because of any tragic backstory (okay, maybe a little,) or because of feeling like an outcast (okay, maybe that too.)

it's just because he doesn't really want any. boomer's solitary by nature, he likes the freedom that comes with flying solo - nobody to answer to, nobody to accommodate.

he's quite high energy, but there's a part of boomer that just enjoys existing. going out for a walk by himself. having a starbucks on a beach overlooking the seafront, alone. flying at night when everything is quiet. boomer gets called air-headed a lot, because he's constantly daydreaming. his best company is himself.

that's not to say he doesn't have any friends. as aforementioned, he has one or two.

the first is butch. it's kind of a no-brainer. older brothers are supposed to look out for younger brothers, right ? not to mention, during their time with mojo & Him, brick was singled out as the brother with the most potential. it left boomer and butch to their own devices a lot. they've always been very close as a result.

contrary to popular belief, butch knows when to be quiet. he's like an introvert's dream; his company isn't draining, he talks when the quiet needs to be filled but knows when it doesn't. a lot of their time together growing up was just spent together in the same room, while each of them happily did their own activities.

he's probably boomer's most treasured confidante. many nights between them have been shared through 3am philosophical talks, or emotional unravelling. not that boomer tells anybody that part. he guards those secrets with his life.

the other side of it is that boomer actually values butch's opinion a lot. butch is very attuned to people, peacekeeping; when brick lost his head and boomer was at a loss of what to do, butch stood to the plate. it's a leadership quality that boomer really admires, even if neither of them are really into the whole leading thing.

not to mention, butch is a fine ass cook. he always knows just what boomer's in the mood for.

the second is berserk. it's a little unconventional. one of the first people other than bubbles that has really gotten under boomer's skin with how annoying they are - but berserk doesn't do it on purpose, and maybe that's what softened him up to her.

she's just kind of… lonely. she talks even more than he does, invades his personal space, doesn't understand boundaries, mooches off him constantly. they're all things that, if it were anybody else, would piss him off to no end.

the thing is, berserk - embarrassingly - reminds him of his younger self. when he hadn't learned how to appreciate solitude, and so was miserable every second that he wasn't being paid attention to. berserk's definitely kind of fucked up in her own way; his goal isn't to 'fix' her, though, and he'd resent anybody who took that task upon themselves.

there is an urge to look out for her. maybe it's the big brother in him, to give something back rather than to take. he doesn't have a lot to offer, but berserk doesn't seem to mind. it's a little sad.

besides, as they get closer, the more he enjoys spending time with her. boomer's always a little tired by the time they part ways - in a good way, like how muscles ache after a fulfilling workout.

there's not a lot of people boomer finds expending energy on worth doing. berserk might even be the first.

this sentiment does not translate to romance, unfortunately. i have no idea what boomer's deal is, nor do i want to label him, but there is no way you can squeeze him into a relationship with anybody.

the amount of people he's turned down is appalling. every valentines' day (when he still attended school) had all kinds of paper hearts and chocolate crammed into his locker. he had several different promposals he had to awkwardly reject - and not even just because he wasn't attending.

rumors used to go around about who he was dating, the worst being that he was dating bubbles. talk about insulting 😤

ambiguous as to whether he simply isn't looking for romance at this point in his life, or if it's to do with some unannounced sexual orientation. he just likes being alone too much to really commit to anything, i suppose.

it could even be to do with his ingredient. above all, he has a desire to protect himself: it's a little hard to do that if you gain yourself vulnerability after vulnerability in the form of lovers or loved ones.

a lot of his defense mechanisms are evasive rather than offensive: he lets people down gently, he boosts people up with camaraderie, etc. a lot of his playfulness reveals that there's not a lot special about him, nothing worth crushing over or finding attractive (that's the intention, at least.) faux vulnerability to maintain a friendship, but encourage them to move on.

all of it to hide that underneath, he is so angry. there's a lot that's happened for him to feel injusticed and righteous over, a lot that's happened to him that makes him scared of what would happen if he lost his temper.

being constantly at odds with one brother and most of your parental figures growing up makes for a very bitter, resentful boy. it's a part of himself that boomer doesn't like all that much. he'd rather keep it under wraps.

it's easier to do that when you're not in a relationship that requires honesty, communication, and exposing yourself for somebody else to judge. god forbid he ever be somebody that rages at their significant other.

that, and nothing can beat the absolute conversationalists his pet beetles are. what a riot.

some other honorable relationship mentions:

brick, obviously. boomer and brick aren't close at all, but there are a few things they're willing to unite over. they break out into an argument if they're in a room together longer than 10 seconds, but only they're allowed to fight with each other. the kind of 'only i'm allowed to bully my brother' you expect from siblings.

,,, most of the time, brick deserves it. boomer might be prone to letting brick get a tongue-lashing before stepping in.

buttercup ! she's butch's best friend, but she's super active. good, upbeat company to have around. since she's over a lot, it's a given that she and boomer would become friends in that time. they're mostly surface-level; goofing around, play-fighting, friendly challenges.

they're kind of united over their love for butch. buttercup is somebody that boomer admires for her tenacity and her devotion.

princess. you wouldn't think it. or maybe you would. they have an on-going snark war going on, regularly meet up for starbies (mostly for princess to gossip, and boomer to sit there pretending he isn't thoroughly engrossed.) frenemies, but a little friendlier than that.

,,, he kind of has a thing for lonely red-headed girls who act bratty to hide just how badly they need a friend. princess is just a little sharper on the edges than most. it keeps boomer on his toes.

just a few hcs about how he conveys affection too:

boomer is actually pretty direct most of the time. broad questions like "how are you doing?", "how are things?", make it easy for people to dismiss it if they'd like. though if it's really obvious that something is amiss, he will ask about it.

he is terrible at gift-giving, but he sure does it ! feeling sad ? here's a wad of bubble wrap.

sharing food and drink. he's usually pretty food-aggressive and unwilling to share anything, especially because he's hungry 24/7. it's a big deal if he shares even a crumb.

makes playlists for people. they don't have any particular mood or connection, but just songs that remind them of a person or that he'd think they'd like. he'll tell somebody he made a playlist for them if he cares. he'll actually share the playlist if he thinks it'll make them feel better.

"do you wanna see my ant colony?"

and of course, his most-used tactic of displaying affection: bullying people

#rowdyruff boomer #boomer #rowdyruff boys #headcanons #hc #ask #he's such a loser #i love him sm #platonic ship #character intro

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munchflix · 2 years

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MUNCHFLIX - HALLOWEEN ENDS

IMDB BLURB: The saga of Michael Myers and Laurie Strode comes to a spine-chilling climax in the final installment of this trilogy.

WARNINGS: The usual blood and guts slasher stuff, plot holes, discombobulation, facepalming, psychic linking, the elderly, old Michael Myers. Some cheesy gore included in the review.

RATING: You are finally safe from Shia Labeouf.

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this.

Munch: This is going to be full of so much of us just ranting. I hope you fuckers like reading, because we have some things to SAY. There's so much going on in this movie, and absolutely none of it made ANY sense to me. I don't understand why this was a trilogy when the only thing the movies had in common was Jamie Lee Curtis. The first movie has nothing to do with the second. The second movie felt like a two hour long trailer for the third, and the third movie completely ignored everything that happened in the two previous movies. This movie is an absolute clusterfuck. HOWEVER! My one unforgivable sin for a movie is that it is BORING, and my friends....my beloved friends...this movie is sure as shit not that.

Biscuits: I think you're frontloading this with way too much information. There's no real way to preface Halloween Ends and honestly there's no real need to.

M: Fair. The movie opens with the introduction of one Corey Cunningham, who is obviously not a collection of tumblr sexymans all crammed into one pathetic waifish sad little man.

B: He's basically like...dollar store Will Graham. He's perfect. He's tumblr sexyman bait 101. A textbook poor little meow meow

M: He was not, however, mentioned at all in any of the previous movies.

B: No, but he's here.

M: And he's a babysitter, replacing the entire Tommy Doyle storyline in the second movie.

B: Disclaimer, I don't remember anything about Halloween Kills except evil dies tonight.

M: The entire last movie was about Tommy Doyle!

B: I remember Laurie was in the hospital and a guy got killed and maybe we were the virus the whole time!

M: Corey really is like...the most pathetic. He's getting his ass handed to him by what...a seven year old?

B: He looks like young Patrick Wilson in this intro. They're watching The Thing! In the original Halloween, they did watch a movie called The Thing, although the John Carpenter version wouldn't come out for a few years. However it’s still a reference to the original.

M: Corey gets yelled at by this punk ass kid and goes to drink some choccy milk, because he's a baby.

B: As someone who drinks chocolate milk...wait, am I a baby? Beer? NO. Choccy milk. And there's a NOISE.

I diagnose you with babey.

M: Jeremy has staged a home invasion, because he's literally the worst little shithead kid.

B: In the old days kids in movies were like, “oh poor little Tommy Doyle, he’s just a nice boy who likes comic books” and nowadays kids in movie are always cursing and beating people up. Kinda boomer energy if you ask me. Anyways, Jeremy is going to really impressive lengths to make Corey think he's getting murdered or some shit. He's committing to the bit I guess.

M: Unfortunately for Jeremy, he's underestimated the poor little meow meow's claustrophobia. After locking Corey the babysitter in the attic, Corey begins to FUCKING FREAK OUT. Which, I understand. And then the parents are back, it's been like ten minutes.

B: There was an implied time cut but it feels really fast.

M: Jeremy is taunting the panicking Corey directly in front of the door and Corey then kicks it down, screaming about how he's gonna kill Jeremy and then kicks the door somehow hard enough to send Jeremy flying over the railing to his death.

B: That's honestly impressive considering that Jeremy is about as tall as the railing. Maybe don't live in a 20 story house, what can I say. The house doesn't even look that tall from the outside?

Funniest shit I’ve ever seen

M: Anyway, kid dead. Right in front of his parents. Corey bad. I wasn't expecting that at all the first time, it honestly was one of the few moments of this movie where I was like - oshit.

B: Corey IS bad, we establish that later, but he didn't mean to kill the kid so right now it's just like, well that sucks for everybody.

M: The intro is cool though, the title screen with the pumpkins is cool.

B: It does feel wrong to have the opening credits in BLUE. They've always been in that weird yellowy orange. Is John Carpenter alive?

M: Yes!

B: I feel like we had this conversation last time, when Halloween Kills came out. Wes Craven is dead, right?

M: *laughs* Yes. How did the audience score get up to 57 percent?

B: Everyone was like OH MY GOD CUTE BOY.

M: Laurie comes on the narrate the entire history of this particular timeline, conveniently leaving out the entire second movie except the death of whatserface, her daughter.

B: Including footage from the first movie, over 40 years old, which looks better than this movie. Halloween kills felt like it was just setting up this movie and they don't even reference it except with the lady who got stabbed in the neck. Laurie owns a house in Haddonfield now, which she bought with all her money from doing....something. She lives with her granddaughter now and she's writing a book.

M: I guess she's been in therapy now. She's a kinder, gentler Laurie.

Laurie Strode is in this movie, I guess.

B: Every movie has a different metaphor and none of them ever get fully fleshed out. They always feel like first drafts, even in the 2018 Halloween. I don't know why they keep trying to this hashtag deep stuff. Just make a movie that's GOOD and the metaphors will come naturally.

M: Try viewing a Jordan Peele movie, he's a master at it. Anyway, back to Corey, this pathetic wet man is now an adult or whatever but he's still a huge wuss.

B: He was an adult! They said he was 21! So now he's ....25? These radio segments are giving me ptsd.

M: I have no idea.

B: He works at a garage with his dad, who gives him a motorcycle. He is now me. He likes chocolate milks and motorcycles and wears flannels and I'm gonna sue them for putting my likeness in this movie.

M: Cut to Allyson, who is still here for some reason. And her shitty almost boyfriend cop guy?

B: He's into her or...he's flirting with her or...hey there's a guy. Hark a vagrant! Horror movies always gotta have a creepy homeless guy. It's kind of a gross stereotype that homeless people are insane and evil. I feel like the day has passed when we need to use the creepy homeless guy trope.

M: Corey wanders into a convenience store for some choccy milk and gets harassed by some fucking senior high schoolers who want him to buy them beer.

B: These are the unrealistically shallow bully stereotypes, which I also thought we'd moved past.

M: They even have the slightly reluctant bully character. None of these dudes look they'd be hanging out with a football jock. But here comes Laurie!

B: Kind of like Henry Bowers, except Henry was an older kid picking on younger kids and these are kids picking on a grown man and causing him bodily injuries. Laurie shows up and has her ONE moment of seeming like a badass and they slash the bullies tires. This Laurie will never show up again.

Laurie woke up this morning and chose violence. Unfortunately, she will not choose violence again.

M: The characterization is SO bad, everyone changes constantly. Why is my Laurie suddenly so soft and easily injured?? All I wanted was for her to kick ass this entire movie and she absolutely does not do that. She has little flashes of being the Laurie from the first movie, but overall she is so torn down and deadened.

B: This movie has similar themes to Halloween Kills but they never reference the events of Halloween Kills, like the town forming an angry mob and killing an innocent man. That could have some parallels to Corey’s situation, maybe the town would’ve learned a lesson about jumping to judgments and mob mentality... but it kinda just seems like everybody (including the writers) just kinda forgot about that shit. Honestly if it wasn’t for Karen being dead, this could’ve just been a direct sequel to the first one and it would’ve made just as much sense.

M: Probably more sense, actually. Allyson is at work and Laurie comes in with Corey and suddenly OH MY GOD. Allyson is like - you are the tumblr waif I have been waiting for all my life.

B: Also, gonna screech about how much this boy looks like Will Graham. His hair, his glasses, the way he dresses, they deliberately styled him this way. Just do that guy from Hannibal but put him in this movie. Also, Corey's arc makes no sense. They so heavily coded him as autistic in the first part of this that it might as well not be there at all. But then he jumps to being a nasty boy who enjoys murder like...really quickly. It spirals out of control so fast.

M: Everything in this movie does. Let's talk about pacing! Like so many movies we've reviewed recently, pacing is a major flaw in this one.

B: Does Hollywood even know how to make movies anymore?

M: No. The first part of this movie goes SO FAST. There's no build up, it's just thrown in your lap, in your face, at mach speed. Corey and Allyson have had a super major bonding experience in 12 seconds over him getting stitches and now they're in love.

B: Allyson is hitting on him and he has no idea how to react.

Behold: the human uwu

M: Now Laurie is back at home with Allyson and this random tarot reader chick.

B: I will give this movie one thing, Allyson pulls out the death card and they say IT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN DEATH, fucking THANK YOU. It's a pet peeve of mine.

M: No you're right, it doesn't actually mean death in tarot but it says death and looks spooky so....Laurie has another little moment of being cool while she's making pies or whatever and talks about showing your tits to grief.

B: Corey's parents are a piece of work. Really just his mother. His dad or stepdad or whatever seems fine but his mom is awful. An incredibly overbearing and controlling parent, which I guess is maybe supposed to be influenced by his trauma? Or his neurodivergence?

M: Corey's dad is awesome tbh, I was rooting for him. Allyson is suddenly back at the junkyard with Corey and they're gonna have a lesson or something but it's just fodder for their stupid burgeoning pointless relationship side arc.

B: We also get the obligatory bully's dad doesn't really love him moment but it's so irrelevant. Speaking of irrelevant, Laurie has a whole bit in a supermarket with Frank but at least these two have some chemistry.

M: Frank being the cop from the other movies, and honestly I was kinda rooting for them. It's kinda cute and I liked the idea of Laurie actually being happy for a change.

B: It feels genuine, the two play off each other well. Unlike Allyson and Corey where she's like HELLO I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU NOW and he's like.. Okay.... You can't just take this guy home, you gotta do your research.

M: Also for no real reason, Laurie is accosted outside the supermarket by the family of someone who was assaulted in Halloween Kills. This is one of the only references to Halloween Kills. Now more bullshit radio exposition. Allyson did not do her research, and takes her poor little traumatized autistic boyfriend to a crowded party at a public bar full of people who don't like him.

B: You can't just take one home cos it looks cute in the store! It gets bigger than you thought it would, it needs too much attention, it doesn't get along well with other dogs... This is how they end up in shelters Allyson!

Being a black cat, she really should be more conscientious of these things.

M: Or in the sewer. Introducing alcohol to a boy who only drinks chocolate milk, also not a good idea. Corey is, however, getting the fuck down. This isn't gonna go well.

B: The first time I saw this, I legit thought he was having a seizure.

M: CONVENIENTLY, the mother of the kid he accidently killed is at the bar and drunk! Can you spell McGuffin?

B: She's still a little pissed about that one. There's another implied storyline in that Corey killed someone and was found innocent... wonder how that went. Might’ve been an interesting premise for a movie. Maybe they’re trying to imply that he got off because the defense used his neurological deficiency as a defense but they didn't want to SAY it. Maybe I'm reading too much into this?

M: Allyson chases Corey into the street where he yells a lot because he's massively overstimulated and upset and Allyson doesn't know how to take care of her new pet. To be fair, he's got points. They do not see him and Allyson in the same light.

B: You can't leave them alone! He needs constant supervision! You think you can fix him but you can't. You don't know him like I do, I can fix him.

M: ON CUE, the bullies from earlier show back up after Corey walks off to harass him some more. For no reason. Also they have not changed their clothes. They start beating the shit out of Corey, as is his lot in life thus far.

B: Another plot point, EVERYONE in Haddonfield is a fucking asshole. Corey, already angry and prone to outbursts of emotion, confronts the jock and they throw him off the bridge. Like for real. Corey accidently killed a kid, but these guys are just dicks.

M: They assume he is DEAD and just leave him there. And this is where...things start happening. Oh god. Corey is dragged offscreen into the sewers by what we must assume is Michael Myers. This raises some obvious questions. Why is Michael living in the sewer? What's he been doing down there for four years?

B: He just disappeared at the end of the Halloween Kills and just went to go live in the sewer? .....Why?

M: Why hasn't he killed anyone in those four years?

B: This movie would imply that he, the same man known for his supernatural strength and endurance, suddenly became old and feeble.

M: How's he been feeding himself this whole time? Rats? Old Mcdonalds?

B: Maybe the vagrant has been feeding him? Maybe he doesn't survive on conventional sustenance. Also this movie rips off IT a lot. Everyone is an asshole, irrationally evil bullies, and weird monster living in the sewers. Except this monster is old man Michael Myers. I don't know.

M: We are 1/3 of the way into the movie.

B: Allyson is sad because her boyfriend got angry and left. Back in the sewer...Corey wakes up, there's rats. He's fine. Maybe a little head trauma.

M: Michael Fucking Myers just....left him there. Just laid him down and went, aight. You just rest. I'm gonna stand over here and stare at you while you sleep. Then I'm gonna grab you by the throat and all of the sudden we're gonna psychic bond.

I...I got nothin'.

B: He chokes Corey nearly to death and there's a rapid fire dream sequence of Corey's entire life and now he's infected with the Michael Virus tm. (we forgot to mention that Laurie said something about being infected with evil earlier, this will become relevant-ish ) *laughter*

M: I don't even wanna type this out. This is really happening. There's been absolutely no evidence of Michael having psychic powers. There's been no evidence of Corey having these abilities, but here we are. There will not be another moment of this type of thing happening again.

(Dib: They're having a bro moment. A Broment.)

B: Maybe it’s not like a psychic powers thing. It could just be...really bad editing?

M: It's implied that he's seeing all this through Michael's eyes! And then he just lets Corey go. Corey gets out of the sewer.

B: He's infected Corey with the Michael virus and now he's using Corey to do his bidding!

M: But that makes no sense because Michael goes out and does his own shit too!

B: I'm trying to make it make sense! I’m trying rationalize this when the simple answer is that it just isn't rational.

M: I can't believe you're sober for this one. The harbinger vagrant from earlier shows back up and is like- WHY DID HE LET YOU LIVE?? That's a very fucking good question, my guy, but it's moot because Corey is gonna stab him to death.

B: The vagrant pulls a knife on him but he turns it back on the vagrant and that's accidental death number two, and then he yeets the knife but now he's been infected with Michael Myers lycanthropy or whatever so he can go enjoy murder now or whatever. He has his crazy person Will Graham staring in the mirror moment, sweating and washing the blood off himself.

M: All we're really missing here is a wendigo.

B: Oh yeah Allyson's friend got a promotion and she's mad because she wanted it but that's not really relevant but I'm not sure what IS relevant. Laurie does a lot of monologing in this movie.

M: That's kinda her entire role in this film now. Gone is my badass kickass Laurie. But there's Corey, standing outside her house like Michael Myers.

“Hey who’s feeding this guy tiers?”

B: He's trying to farm Tier 3 off her. And then she comes out and Corey is like oooh sorry I'm sorry I got jumped and got my ass kicked. This is your sexy murder boy, this tiny boy who can't finish a sentence.

M: To be fair Allyson, you kinda were a dick to him. But now he's infected and we get a Laurie slow mo where she's like HEY WAIT I SMELL EVIL.

B: And Corey's just like - hey I killed someone is that gonna affect our relationship? But not really. They go to the house where he babysat for to show Allyson where he killed a kid.

M: Perfectly normal relationship things. Just go to a murder site and tell your new girlfriend about it. There's still bloodstains on the floor ffs. But she's like - no it's cool, I heard about it and I was like - I know this boy, he's looking for me.

B: Whatever the fuck. Laurie goes to visit Corey's mom and she's more than kind of a bitch. Why does this sound like a parent teacher meeting? " I know he's had his difficulties..."

M: It doesn't go well. Now Allyson is at a restuarant with Corey where she trauma dumps and is like - I wanna burn Haddonfield down. Now she's suddenly all edgy in this movie.

B: Allyson goes through like seven 180 turns in this movie.

M: You're not afraid now, Corey? This entire town's been kicking your ass this whole movie. Then the fucking cop ex boyfriend CONVENIENTLY shows up in the middle of their dinner to also provide some rising action.

B: Most of these people have no reason to be this awful! They're just horrible awful stinky people. It's just a town where everyone sucks.

M: Corey's a badass now, because he's got Michael Myers virus or whatever so he's gonna get up in the cop's face, but the cop is a huge dick anyway. Also he is now wearing a blue jumpsuit. They leave and go on a romantic bike ride to her house where they're gonna kiss kiss make out.

B: But Corey's like, nah, I'm gonna go. And this cop guy, instead of LETTING IT GO gets in his cop car to go beat the shit out of Corey, as is the town's national past time, but Corey knows what he's up to, so he's gonna feed him to Michael Myers. Because Corey is a murderboy now.

M: No really, this is what happens. Why does Mikey need someone to bring him people to kill???

B: He needs to regain his powers or something.

M: BUT HE DOESN'T DO THAT. It makes NO sense. The cop guy find the dead vagrant and goes oh noes, but Corey is there and attacks him.

B: It doesn't go well though because Corey's still a little bitch but he runs into the sewer and this fucking cop GOES INTO THE SEWER. It's not worth it, homey! Your masculinity really so fragile you gotta kick his ass because he likes your ex girlfriend.

M: I still don't get why Michael needs this shit. But there he is, and Corey's just gonna stand there because he likes to watch. " Show me how to do it!" Corey says like a fucking murder virgin even tho he's killed two people at this point. It ain't hard, bruh. You just stab. Michael is looking pretty rough tbh, he can barely even fucking walk.

B: It looks weirdly sexual. He's really horny for MIchael Myers, but he can join the club because a lot of people are horny for Michael.

M: I think it's intentionally sexual tbh. It seems to be implied that Corey is in some way getting off on this. Corey runs back to Allyson and is like WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME, WE SHOULD BANG.

B: He's just badly written Will Graham, that's all there is to it.

M: Laurie sees them going upstairs and Michael apparently left the sewer to go stand in the bushes and stare at Laurie but now he's gotta go back to the sewer. Oh my god, we are only halfway through. Nobody talks like these fucking people in real life.

B: "I keep seeing his eyes, Michael's eyes in Corey." He's got Michael Myers eyes...like Betty Davis eyes, but not.

M: I want some ice cream, you type for a minute. Oh god, we're only halfway through.

B: WHOOOAA we're halfway there, o-ooh~

M: Michael in a chaiirrr. Or something, I dunno. Oh yeah, Laurie goes to the same bar Corey had his breakdown in, because it's the only bar in town, so we can further this stupid infection storyline - which was not hinted at or built up in any of the previous movies.

B: The dad of the kid Corey killed is rambling on about how Corey had the devil in his eyes. He looks like an angel, walks like angel, talks like an angel, but we got wise.

M: Everyone in this movie shows up at the exact moment they're needed for the plot.

B: Oh yeah, the shitty doctor is fucking the nurse who got the promotion at Allyson's work and they gonna get SLASHED. Finally, some cheesy gore in this fucking slasher movie.

M: OKAY - so all of a sudden, in this next bit Michael, who has been shown to be a feeble, barely-functioning sewer gremlin, proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is still very strong and very murderous. But after this scene ends, they throw that all in the garbage.

B: Bla bla bla get to the murder already.

M: Corey has to...initiate things, for some reason. Corey has to do the foreplay.

B: Also, the scarecrow mask looks dumb. They couldn't have gotten anything mildly more sinister?

M: I love this scene where you can see Corey in the background stabbing the doctor like 18 times. Corey is basic bitch-ing this shit.

B: Corey is not very good at murder. But thankfully, daddy lion is here to show baby lion how to hunt.

M: SEE! Michael fucking holds her up by her throat! He stabs her clear into the wall! This is not a feeble old man! Meanwhile, Corey is like mentally masturbating. Or...just masturbating.

“You’re a murder tramp, murder tramp...”

B: He's very excited.

M: Now I guess he went and got Allyson again so they could go on another ride.

B: They're speeding down to the radio station roof like two punk kids who don't give a shit for some exposition.

M: Allyson just says infected for no reason?

B: I think she's commenting on his wound but...it's like wow you're infected with Michael. Evil does not literally work like a virus! I understand the allegory but like...you don't get infected with it from someone else who is evil.

M: The radio dj comes out and like everyone else in Haddonfield, he's a huge dick. So he sits there just berating Allyson and Corey for no good goddamn reason.

B: They could just...leave the situation. But they just stand there and let him insult them until he tells them to leave. This is not how real adult people react to these situations. Corey's feeling overprotective. Laurie is stalking them.

M: Back to Corey's house where his unbearably overbearing mother is slapping him and berating him and then his dad's like - I hope you find love. Wtf. And now it's Halloween. Corey is asleep on the floor of the murder house.

B: Laurie is there! She's got a paper airplane, aka a reference to the beginning of the movie. Inside of you there are two wolves, Corey. One is gay. The other one is gay.

M: Laurie can just smell the Michael, and she again mentions infection. But they never really elaborate on that. They never come out and say - hey Michael is infecting this town.

B: Laurie is threatening in this scene almost to the point of seeming evil. She's like - Allyson didn't read the manual, she's not equipped to deal with you so we gotta take you back to the shelter, buddy.

Stop dating my granddaughter, grungy little murder hobbit.

M: Corey makes the incredible mistake of saying - if I can't have her, nobody will, and demands that Laurie just give up and let herself just drown in misery until she DIES.

B: But then she's not there.

M: Her Laurie senses were tingling.

B: Or she didn't wanna listen to Corey's sudden and unwanted slam poetry. Which also doesn't make any sense. I'm trying to commentate on the dialogue but it's just nothing. It's a nothing sandwich. Corey calls Allyson on the phone sounding like fucking Ghostface.

M: Why not throw another reference in there?

B: And he's like - your gramma is trying to kill me and Allyson is just like - yes that is absolutely true.

M: And then this fucking shit. Corey just zooms on back to Sewer Michael, and just kicks the ever living shit out of MICHAEL MYERS, THE UNKILLABLE KILLING MACHINE, THE PERSONIFICATON OF EVIL, THE MOTHERFUCKING SHAPE and takes his mask. Yeah okay. The same dude who was strong enough to pin a chick through a wall in the last kill.

B: Corey is sapping his strength now?! Because of the Michael virus?? I'm trying to engage with this movie on it's own level.

(Dib: You tried to read this movie's terms and conditions?? WHY??)

M: This is such utter bullshit and I hate it.

B: They have this whole drawn out scene of these two wrestle. There's no tension at all, it's just like two drunk dudes duking it out outside the 7/11.

M: Michael sits up though after his ass beating.

B: The dumb teenage bullies, still wearing the same clothes, and Corey has scratched up their car or whatever so now they're gonna kick his ass again.

M: Allyson is leaving Laurie and Laurie is like no he's crazy and murderous, but to be fair I don't like anyone in this movie. Laurie is obnoxious, whiny and preachy Allyson is dumb and doesn't pay attention to anything.

B: Also again, it's utterly out of character for Allyson to just suddenly to be like no grandmother you are psycho bonkers crazy.

M: The bullies have been led to the junkyard where Corey works which is obviously a fucking trap, but people in a horror movie never realize they're in a horror movie so they gon' die.

B: They're gonna fuck up his bike but actually they're gonna get slashed and stabbed and shit. There's not even that much murder in this movie.

M: There's almost no Michael Myers in this movie.

B: Billy Bully gets stabbed in the eye and then they run away from a speeding vehicle in A STRAIGHT LINE, just go between the cars or anything?!?!

M: Corey's dad is working late though and Jock Bully is like OHMIGOD HELP US and so dad goes out there but Corey's still murdering people but now with the Myer's mask on. And unfortunately for Corey's dad, the one not totally awful person in Haddonfield, he gets shot through the brain and dies.

B: The kid crushed under the vehicle is still alive but Corey fucking BLOWTORCHES this jock bully and then crushes the other's head like a grape because he's apparently super stronk now.

M: Corey's gotta go home now and kill his mom. Because we need more Halloween references since Michael's not even in this fucking movie. And then we're gonna go kill the radio guy because he was also an asshole. Corey's gonna be fucking busy if he's gotta kill every asshole in Haddonfield.

B: Do not disgrace these old fucking retro jukebox songs with your terrible movie.

M: Corey also kills his assistant, Darcy the mail girl. Also this kill is hilarious and they had to realize it looked fucking stupid and silly. No points for that shit.

I apologize but words could not do this justice.

B: The rest of the movie is not silly. Tone? Never heard of her. Allyson magically shows up right where she needs to be, in the town's one diner waiting for Corey but he stood her up to do murders.

M: Laurie keeps calling because I guess that's building tension or something but not really because we already know Corey's gonna go after Laurie. I'm too sober for this. Laurie, however, went to the school of 'already lived through like seven Halloween movies' and she's not dumb.

B: She's gonna mope around her house and they're gonna set it up like she's gonna commit aliven't. Commit gun-head. As they say in Roblox, go commit stop living. But it was just a ploy?? I don't get it, why does she do this?

M: Because, like Michael has an evil virus, Laurie appears to have some sort of precognitive ability of her own when it comes to evil, and she knows what's about to go down. Also to fake out the audience. As if we really believed she would just off herself in the finale.

B: She doesn't need to fake out Michael.

M: Michael who? She's faking out Corey. Michael has no part in this movie.

B: She didn't really need to fake out Corey. She shoots him and he falls off the railing.

M: What's the opposite of foreshadowing?

B: Dumb.

M: She empties the gun for no real reason and then says LET'S GO BITCH to the dying Corey.

B: He makes ugly cry face, realizes Allyson is back and then pulls a 5000 IQ move. He is playing 5d chess. He stabs himself in the throat and then Laurie pulls the knife out just in time for Allyson to walk in and see her standing over the corpse of her boyfriend!

Oopsie daisy.

M: Laurie doesn't even try to explain herself. Also this is bullshit. Why did we spend the entire movie building him up and Michael's fucking successor only to have him OFF HIMSELF at the end of the movie just to one up Laurie?!??!

B: Corey deserved better. As I've said, Tumblr's manic pixie dream boy had the whole movie building him up just to give him such an ungraceful ending. I was banking on him sacrificing himself just to save someone else, probably Allyson. And that would ahve been a fitting fucking tumblr fucking meow meow ballering ending for him so everyone could be like OH NOES HE WAS A GOOD BOY ALL ALONG but no...they just end him. They just put him down.

M: Y’know maybe we souldn’t have spent all that time talking about how autistic he is and then constantly referred to him as a shelter animal.

B: I'm allowed to make these jokes. When a bunny calls another bunny cute, that's okay.

M: Allyson does not at all suspect foul play, she's just like oh god grandmother killed my boy. She doesn't call the cops or anything she just goes outside.

B: And disappears from the movie for a little bit.

M: And now Laurie is sitting there like oh bum. But again, her Laurie senses are tingling because suddenly FUCKING MICHAEL MYERS IS HERE and he wants his mask and his goddamn knife back but Corey has to be like HAH FAKE DEATH TROPE only to have Michael break his neck.

B: Why did they even have him come back to life if they were just gonna have Michael kill him? Because Mike doesn't need him anymore? Or he's angry that Corey betrayed him or whatever?

Godnight swet prins

M: We've never been given any indication that Michael has feelings. Let alone betrayal. He's just a shell full of evil. But anyway he's here and now we're gonna have the uh....climactic showdown??

B: Why did the cops call Allyson?? Why didn't they just go to the house where Laurie called???

M: This time Laurie doesn't have a house full of traps this time, but she does have....uh.....um....big kicks.

B: Michael spent four years living in a sewer just to lull Laurie into a false sense of security.

M: Not only does our boy know how to drive cars, he also knows how to use a garbage disposal. Also....again...this is not the feeble old man who got his ass kicked by a 25 year old twink. This is STRONK Michael, he is kicking Laurie's ass all over the place. Is he fucking old and sick or strong and unkillable???

B: Also why did they set up the whole Michael virus thing and him passing off his virus to Corey if they were just gonna kill off Corey? Also Laurie pins Michael to the table and stabs him a lot, pinning him to the table and she monologues again.

M: And takes his mask off and now he's all old and sad and feeble again. Maybe the mask is the source of his power?

B: Of all the confrontations these two have had over the course of the series, this is honestly the least climactic one.

M: But then we get a montage of more climactic confrontations.

Maybe it’s supposed to be like...their lives flashing before their eyes or something?

B: Allyson just runs back in from nowhere and breaks Michael's arm and also apparently when Michael chokes people, they have flashback montages. Little known power of his. But fucking......but all of the sudden, because of that PHONE call I guess...Allyson has another 180 and is like Oh my god you were right, Corey is evil and I believe you and I was wrong and I'm gonna help you kill Michael. But WHY!??!? For what reason???

M: They filet Michael like a pig, making sure all his major arteries are compromised because it's not like the 90000 other ways they tried to kill him worked. The cops show up and they're like OH SHIT THAT'S MICHAEL and ignores the other dead guy on the floor because yanno. The soundtrack is good, but c'mon.

B: I have a theory.

M: Okay.

B: They wrote the ending first, then realized they had written the entire movie about Corey and then killed him off because they realized it didn't fit in the movie. They tie Michael to the roof of Laurie's car and have a huge Michael procession of the entire town to the junkyard.

Dib: How does nobody record this and upload this to LiveLeak?

M: *laughs* Nobody's gonna tell because it's Michael. But tbh this would never happen. Laurie was writing a fucking book about it. Suddenly everyone in Haddonfield is here.

B: An entire town of deplorable humans.

M: This entire movie is so terribly lit btw. It's so dull.

B: They crowdsurf Michael's body to the garbage grinder or junk grinder or whatever. Industrial shredder.

M: If he's infected, his blood is getting on EVERYONE right now.

B: This is my favorite scene in the whole movie.

M: Laurie, standing triumphantly on top of the grinder, rolls Michael into the shredder and they grind him like so much fucking sausage.

The SFX in this movie are like...really good.

B: How many millions of dollars did they spend on this movie? How many bags of PopRocks could you have bought with all that money and THIS was the best y’all could do? And then Allyson is like hey you were right about Corey this whole time WHAT???

M: Her and Laurie are all good now and Michael is definitely 100 percent completely dead this time. Super dead. He has been killed dead and Allyson moves away and moves on and Laurie writes her book but she leaves it open for a sequel. Please let it die.

B: We get a footnote where she and Frank have a little mo' where he brings her veggies so we can remember their budding romance.

M: I just wish like...any other movie had been made. This was so anticlimactic. Michael is barely even in it. Laurie is reduced to just...a whimpering mess, Allyson is whatever they want her to be in the moment, Corey is...pointless and yet the entire movie surrounds HIM. This is the antithesis of what I, and a lot of other people, wanted from a finale, but here we are.

B: I adore this movie. It is terrible, it's an absolute trainwreck of a film that makes no sense and goes off the rails so many times you're left wondering if there ever were rails to begin with. It's is full of obvious 'cute-murder-boy sexyman-bait uwu' moments, but hell, I'll bite. It is a perfect storm of garbage, like a tornado in a landfill.

In our Halloween movie tier list, I made mention of Michael Myers being sort of a metaphor for the Halloween franchise as a whole, and honestly I think Halloween Ends is the best setting for this metaphor: creature once powerful and feared has become old, embattled, and toothless, and barely able to claw out any relevancy in its own context. It tries to come back for a thrilling final showdown to prove it is still as strong as it once was, but ultimately proves to be a pushover and ends up getting shredded like the garbage it is. In many ways, Michael Myers is Halloween. And the fact that Corey Cunningham is the one thing from this movie everyone is hyperfixating on really proves that Halloween isn't even really relevant to Halloween anymore. But for all my words, I think this movie itself delivers the most poignant and quite possibly the most important message about the Halloween franchise that there could be, in the form of an unambiguous two-word poem: Halloween Ends.

Is it the ending we wanted? Hell no. But it’s probably the one we deserved.

Munch and Biscuits out, yo.

#munchflix #movie review #horror #halloween ends #halloween ends review #Michael Myers #corey cunningham #laurie strode #halloween

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aclosetfan · 2 years

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I love the energy surging through this blog with the latest ask submissions. You've definitely pointed out some personality in the rrb I forgot existed. I can understand why people would make Boomer the cute one, based off the information given from the show, but BUTCH??? I totally forgot he was the quiet kid. I have no idea where the idea of pervy Butch spawned from, and as hilarious and interesting at times I think it is, I'd love to read him as a little more vulnerable to characters OTHER than Buttercup. Like I get it, they're counterparts and are perfect for each other, which I loooooove, but I also don't know why it's only her who gets to see Butch's more humane side. Tbh, I think if I were to fanon any of the characters as pervy, it would be Brick lol. because he gives off misogynistic, jocky, arrogant boy vibes in the show AND the comic. I do like smart, brooding Brick a lot though...but low key Boomer would have the "smarts" (Creative smarts with like being sneaky and underestimated because he's the "cute" one.), Butch would have the "brooding" (self isolated, quiet kid who glares at everyone relentlessly. ) and Brick is the cocky son of a bitch spawn from hell. Makes even more sense when you consider their girl counterparts; Bubbles= cute but dangerous, Buttercup=tough but vulnerable and Blossom = leader but arrogant

OH?

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

you wanna know who I blame that pervy shit on? Literally the City of Clipsville, season 5, episode 8. I'd post pics but it makes me cringe. Ugh. If you know, you know. Anyway, Butch is looking at a magazine and turns it to the side, implying that the magazine's a "playboy." The other two boys glance over at it. The girls are awestruck. Classic fanfic. In the documentary, they specifically say they included that scene because they kept getting letters asking for the girls and boys to get together. 🙄

Anyway, I completely agree, I wish Butch was more vulnerable with other characters, and I'm going to make sure to put more effort into my fics in that regard. He needs more friends :(

and yes, yes, and yes to the rest of it. I love when content creators bully Brick because he deserves. We've made him too cool for too long. I like him best as that lazy smart kid, top redditor, who probably runs a really shitty twitch server (also closest perv, you're correct).

#city of clipsville is the worst episode #i stg #p.s. thank you!! i'm glad you're enjoying the asks lately I am too!

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stumbling-buzz · 1 month

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Idk how everyone used to go to the office for 9+ hours every day. I entered the professional workforce during the height of the Covid pandemic, so most office jobs were already forced into remote work. And now I think most of them have retained remote work and adopted a hybrid model.

My current job’s policy is that we work 2 days in office and 3 days from home. One week every month we have to be in-office for three days to have extra meetings. I just realized this week is a three-day week and I want to fall into the depths of the earth and never return.

I do not know how everyone used to go the the office every day. I honestly don’t know if I could cope with it given my mental health.

My dad’s company actually sold their office building during Covid and he works from home full time now. My brother got his current job shortly before Covid and they also no longer have a physical office. He also works from home full time.

My mom works at an elementary school, where she has to be there in person to teach the kids. But she only works part-time. I once asked her how she used to cope with being at the school all day every day before she went part-time. She told me it never really bothered her because she liked her job. That’s mindblowing to me.

Am I just totally disillusioned with the idea that work can give energy instead of taking it? Are people not acknowledging the office drone phenomenon that spawned so many boomer comics about how the boss sucks and the coworkers suck and the work sucks?

How did my dad psychologically endure 30 years of life as the traditional breadwinner sitting in an office every day? Some days he brought work home with him. His absence from the household because he was always at the office and exhausted when he got home is, I think, the primary reason why we never formed an emotional relationship. He’s like the business guy in my family. He does the money and the paperwork and manages the car and home maintenance.

I talk to my mom when I’ve had a hard day. I talk to my dad when I have car trouble. Both of them are parenting me but those two types of care are totally different on an emotional level.

Sorry my post about how I hate going to the office turned into an exploration of how traditional work culture in the US robbed me of a close relationship with my father. If you say he could’ve done better, sure, maybe. But the man was exhausted. I see that now.

I am exhausted.

#rumination time

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timetravelauthor · 5 months

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A last look at a series

The trilogy is now ten days old. The Duties and Dreams ebook came out November 9, the paperback yesterday. Even the Second Chance boxed set is in circulation. Yet the series, my fifth overall, is still fresh in my mind. It probably will be for weeks to come.

When you write a historical fiction series as detailed and exhaustive as Second Chance, you leave a little bit of yourself behind. I know I did. I am still getting used to a daily schedule that does not involve seven to eight hours of researching, writing, and editing. I plan to enjoy the hiatus between this project and the next. In the meantime, I intend to reflect a bit on my shortest — but arguably most important — series, one that will serve as a template for the next one.

The first thing you need to know about Second Chance is that it is a nod to Baby Boomers, the pampered, free-spirited, often-maligned mob I joined in 1961. If you were born between 1946 and 1964, you will immediately recognize the backgrounds of my protagonists, from their Leave it to Beaver beginnings to their personal and professional struggles in the 1960s, 1970s, and beyond. You will understand why the Carpenters did what they did when they wandered through 1906, 1912, and finally 1918.

I choose to write about old souls because I can relate to them. Like Bill, Paul, and Annie, I could relate to coming of age and growing old(er) in a world that was much different than today's. I could relate to at least some of their experiences, setbacks, and triumphs.

Annie was, by far, my favorite character — for many reasons. She brought energy and passion to the series and probably best personified its growth. She grew in ways her more set-in-their-ways older brothers could not or would not. She represented the best of her family and her generation. She acquitted herself well.

Cassie Lee, Charles Rusk, and Emilie Perot were my favorite secondary characters. All brought something to a trilogy that was as varied as the settings. Each helped the Carpenters grow.

If there was one thing I enjoyed most about producing this series, it was researching the events that shaped it. Though I knew a lot about the Titanic, I knew little about the San Francisco earthquake, the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, the Mexican Revolution, and even World War I. I knew even less about Baja California, Brooklyn, and Alsace, a storied French region I want to visit someday.

I also enjoyed returning to my native Northwest — Portland, Tacoma, and Mount Rainier make appearances in two books — and bringing children back into my work. From the students of Oakland Prep and Gotham Prep to Mabel Moss to Chloe the flower girl to the offspring of Bill and Annie, kids put their stamp on mostly grown-up stories. Bea and Millie Carpenter and Patrick and Henry Lee brought both comic relief and perspective to the Second Chance trilogy.

I put a stamp on the series, as well. As some readers know, I often use meaningful dates, places, and devices in my stories. I have used August 2, my wedding anniversary, more times than I can count. I occasionally use birthdays too — and, in the case of my latest release, I used the birthday. When I had the opportunity to end both Duties and Dreams and the Second Chance series on December 30, 1961, by moving up the last chapter by one day, I took it. When you are a writer of fiction, you can do those things.

I did not intend to tie the book's title to its dedication, but it happened anyway. Shortly after titling Duties and Dreams, I noticed that the book's initials (DAD) lined up nicely with the subject of its dedication page. Even before writing a word, I had decided to dedicate the novel to James Heldt, my father, who is still going at age 92.

As coincidences go, that was hard to beat. It was a fitting touch to a series I will no doubt think about for a long time.

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itsamemesamario · 2 years

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Man there was this boomer comic I saw a while ago that was like. A guy labeled Boss on a chair on top of a load(? Of crap perhaps?) being pulled by employees, and then another guy labeled Leader at the front of two Teammates all pulling their load, and it occurred to me like. That’s not all, cuz it really shouldn’t be labeled Boss in the first one, it should be labeled Slavedriver. Cuz the Boss pays the slavedriver, the boss isn’t even there - but the boss gives the slavedriver a map, which the slavedriver takes as law, but the boss is not very good at making maps and frequently gives them new maps, which means they’re often changing directions and losing hours of time and energy, but the slavedriver doesn’t care because they’re getting paid and doing their job just fine, while the employees feel like their lives are a sick joke.

But the leader still has a boss. And the leader says to the boss, “yeah uh we’re not doing anything until you’re 100% confident that the map you’re giving us is as close as you can get, and you agree that any changes to the map have to still look at least 70-80% like the original”

And while the boss is figuring that out, the teammates show up and go “hey! With all the time we had to think about how best to do this, we figured out that we can put the load onto round stones, and move the ones in the back to the front as we go, and it’ll be both easier and faster to pull!”

And the leader says “that’s great guys! And you know what that makes me think of an idea, if the round stones were attached to the load somehow, then there wouldn’t be a need to move them from the back to the front. What do you guys think?”

And before you know it, the leader and their teammates have all invented spokes and the wheel, the boss has done no more or less work than they would have, and meanwhile the slavedriver and the employees are in a constant power struggle and frustration convinced this is the only way… and even if they saw the other team, they’d be too ashamed and afraid of how it could harm them to change, because changing is admitting you didn’t have it right the first time. And when you’re in that state of desperate self preservation that the slavedriver/employee mindset puts you in, it’s harder than ever to see that admitting you weren’t right isn’t literally life threatening.

Maybe I’ll try to stick figure illustrate this version someday ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I just needed to get this out of my skull lmao

#rant #workplace culture #hustle culture #crunch culture #boomer comics #I’ve been on both teams #I miss the leaders I’ve had #hurts bad man

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coluanprodigy · 3 years

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I have no intention of finishing this or cleaning it up.

#batman #batman beyond #terry mcginnis #bruce wayne #dcau #this is a shitpost I'm not putting effort in it #these two have boomer comic energy #you know the 'father I can't click the book' type stuff #but Terry does it on purpose just to piss this grumpy peepaw geezer off #batman tag #me art

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bugmomwrites · 3 years

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Class 1B and how they embarrassed themselves in front of their crushes (guys):

Ladies version will be made if this one doesn’t flop. Thank @thatgirlgames for helping me brainstorm and giving me something to cackle about at 4am(?) on a Wednesday

Awase Yousetsu learned to dance from Mina and was excited to show you. Called out to you and some of the others in the common room from the second floor hallway to “check out some fucking amazing moves”, then tripped over his own feet and went tumbling down the stairs. Landed face first and refused to lift up his head to look you in the eyes, even after you ran over to ask if he was okay.

Kaibara Sen and you were gardening together. He was helping you dig so he used his quirk to show off be more efficient. He drilled his arm into the dirt and oops he’s stuck. Laughs a little at first but he actually can’t get it out. The more he activates it the deeper it goes until the soil is well past his elbow. Has to sit there like an idiot until you return with a trowel- the very same one he said you “wouldn’t need” because his quirk was supposedly better.

Kamakiri Togaru was helping you cook and also used his quirk to try to impress you. It was your turn for dinner duty and he jumped at the chance to spend time with you. You two were cooking chicken with lemon butter sauce for the whole dorm. Turns out when you retract the blade back into your skin from just cutting a lemon it burns like a bitch. Let out the most unholy scream and scared the daylights out of you.

Kurorio Shihai and Tokoyami are poetic brothers. That and he likes taboos. He shows up outside your dorm room at midnight sharp because he thought it was more romantic that way. He’s holding a piece of lined paper, trying to read you a poem he wrote. But you have no clue what he’s talking about, using all these big fancy words you don’t understand. ☠️ Scary Night Man is visibly shaking in front of you, the hallway completely silent aside from his stuttering and the occasional crinkle of paper.

Shishida Jurota actually tried to meme with the class in the group chat. Unfortunately, he didn’t know what the words meant so he sounded like a whole ass boomer. Like when your dad misuses modern slang to sound cool in front of your friends. The guys still haven’t let him live it down. They have screenshots and everything.

Shoda Nirengeki tried to show you how much you meant to him by cooking your favorite things in the dorm kitchen. Thought you’d love to wake up to the smell of your favorite food wafting up to where you sleep. Instead you woke up to a fire alarm, and Shoda standing in the middle of all the carnage. Tried to offer you a bowl of cereal as a peace offering later.

Tsuburaba Kosei would do just about anything for you, so it’s more what didn’t he do to try and impress you. There’s just so many instances of him doing stupid shit. But one of the most iconic moments would probably have to be when the class went on a hike, and he found some cat tail reeds growing by a swamp. Picked one up and told you he “found some wild glizzies” before chomping into it like a corn dog. Pollen went everywhere, and he accidentally spit some in your face.

Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu has tried to prove how strong his quirk was by letting the guys fucking throw him like a damn bowling ball. Shishida did the best job in his opinion, followed closely by Bondo, but now there’s a giant hole in the drywall of the common room, and Vlad wasn’t too thrilled about it, making him clean it all up.

Fukidashi Manga tried impressing you by reading up and binge-watching your favorite shows and comics. All in one night. The next morning, running on zero sleep, he tried to impress you from what he’s read/watched and got most of the stuff wrong because his brain was pretty much toast from the all nighter and numerous energy drinks. Passed out in the middle of the day, and The Bois TM had to drag him to the nearest couch.

Honenuki Juzo offered to give you a massage after a long day of training. Grateful to have some sort of relief, you told him where the main knots were and sat down in front of him. This was the closest he’s ever been to you, so he was (understandably) nervous. As a result, he accidentally rubbed too hard in the wrong places and made it worse. Eventually you’ve had enough and say you’ll just take a hot shower and he feels so guilty🥺 You reassure him that it’s not so bad but every time you move he can see you fighting back painful noises. Definitely haunts him at night as he stares up at the ceiling asking himself “why are you like this”.

Bondo Kojiro was trying to impress you by lifting things up easily since you admired how strong he was. It started off normal enough, from bags you couldn’t carry to even giving you a piggyback ride to your room after you fell asleep on the couch downstairs during class movie night. But holy shit now he’s showing off by holding half the class in his arms, and ends up dropping them all because it was just Too Much. Everyone was covered in bruises and grumbling about the fall and he felt guilty for weeks after. The fact that you weren’t one of them does offer some peace of mind for him though, and Kendo is quick to remind him of this :’)

Monoma Neito copied your quirk for shits and giggles thinking he’d “show you how it’s done”. You warned him about the side effects, but his pride wouldn’t let him see reason and he made sure he had all eyes on him before activating your quirk. It went alright for about a minute or so, and then it started to act up. He couldn’t get a handle on it at all, destroying everything around the room while the guys laughed at him and you panicked. He got his ass handed to him just as you predicted, and mocking him quickly became an inside joke among some of your classmates.

Rin Hiryu is naturally cold blooded as a result of his quirk. He always has to be bundled up in the colder months or his immune system will turn against him. And yet, when it started raining on your way back from a grocery run for the week’s dinner, like a gentleman he shrugged his jacket off and insisted that you wear it. Of course you turned him down, you knew he’d get sick, but he refused to put it back on, throwing it over you and zipping it up. Sure enough, he ended up with a cold the next day, but the only lesson he learned was that getting sick means you dote on him until he’s better. 🤦

#bug mom writes #gn reader #mha x reader #class 1 b #my hero academia #awase yousetsu #sen kaibara #togaru kamakiri #shihai kuroiro #jurota shishida #nirengeki shoda #kosei tsuburaba #tetsutetsu tetsutetsu #manga fukidashi #juzo honenuki #kojiro bondo #neito monoma #hiryu rin

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 5 years

Text

anyway now that a Tom Holland and Tom Hardy movie seems unavoidable, we need to make Peter Parker a photographer again, so we can reintroduce the Workplace Rivalry dynamic between him and Eddie Brock, which will be a MILLION times funnier with the actors' age gap.

End of the movie Venom, Eddie was getting back on his feet and judging from the post credit scene had his reporter job back. Can you imagine, he's feeling great, he's feeling like a star again, and then here comes this 17 year old asshole hotshot crazy talented photographer who is stealing the hearts of everyone in the office. Peter is being his usual sweetheart self to everyone BUT Eddie because Eddie sets his spidey sense off and he can't figure out why. So there can be a running gag of Eddie trying to convince people Peter is a total brat and then they cut to him offering to help 3 different coworkers at the same time while also handing out cupcakes. Eddie's trying to convince Anne something is up with the kid and then they pass him on the street walking 10 dogs and offering to carry a woman's groceries for her so Anne thinks he's crazy again.

Meanwhile Peter IS being weird around Eddie, mostly because of the spidey sense issue. But also because Eddie has been trying to undermine all his work since the moment he started there- like, SURE, he's TECHNICALLY cheating with the great pictures of Spider-Man, but Eddie doesn't know that!! And he takes other pictures too!! So he starts taking advantage of his super hearing so he'll know what story Eddie is planning on doing and he can get the scoop first lmao. This just drives Eddie crazier because he's SURE this means the kid is spying on him but he can't PROVE IT!! He keeps complaining about it to his boss and the boss is like Eddie my man,,,,,he's a teenager,,,,you've won a Pulitzer before,,,,focus your energy elsewhere,,,,

but he DOESN'T.

So the boss gets wind of some crazy main plot shit going down and he's like alright, I need my two best workers on this case, yes they hate each other but maybe this will force them to Get Along.

That's right folks, I AM demanding a Spidey and Venom buddy-cop type film.

Anyway while they're working on the story they both realize this is something their vigilante alter-egos should be dealing with- so both Eddie&Venom and Spider-Man are trying to investigate the story for Work, Where They Make Money To Not Be Homeless, but they're also trying to do their hero job, and they're both also trying to figure out how to go about that without revealing their identities to each other. Whacky hijinks ensues.

Things that will definitely happen in this movie:

The flash on Peter's camera going off at a Terrible moment and giving away their hiding place

Eddie and Peter keep wildly getting each other's ages wrong- Eddie insisting Peter's prepubescent and Peter insisting Eddie must be in his 70s. At one point when someone asks them who they are while they're undercover, Peter says Eddie is his grandfather. After they realize each other's identities, there's a scene where they're arguing with a guy, doing Good Cop Bad Cop, and Venom snaps and bites his head off, and Peter's like 'I fucking KNEW you were a Boomer'

At the end of the film after they stagger home after a very cinematic superhero fight, they find Anne and Aunt May drinking wine and having a ladies night

Somewhere around the third act after they stop hating each other Eddie is going to have a 'fuck am I a father figure' moment, but Peter has moved on from his daddy issues and is now in a Men Are Trash stage and refuses to let it happen. Eddie like tries to give him some advice or something like he's trying to have a #moment and Peter shuts it down so fast lmao. So by the end of the film, even though they don't hate each other anymore, their comical dynamic hasn't actually changed which is Great

They're either going to spend Too Much time having Peter deal with Venom eating people, or they'll just brush over it altogether

After they do get past the cannibal thing, Venom is going to LOVE Peter just like everyone else and it'll drive Eddie even crazier

Since both their previous movies leaned heavily into comedy, the identity reveal scene is going to be way more humorous than dramatic or climactic. I'd imagine Tom Hardy doing his whole unhinged thing as he's finally Validated after being told he's crazy the whole movie, and Tom Holland could easily match that energy since Peter would obviously be freaking out about Venom. Like the fight ends and they're both freaking the fuck out on each other lmao

Eddie and Peter will have insulting nicknames for each other but by the end of the film you can tell they mean them affectionately and everyone watching will be Soft about it

This movie...writes itself. And something light-hearted and not done before would be the easiest way to bring back Spidey after the mcu split. Both actors have a great range and with how Unhinged Hardy's Eddie and how Anxious Holland's Peter are, it could be hilarious to see then bounce off each other as a team rather than as enemies...Sony. Please. Do what the cowards at Marvel won't and Call Me.

#spiderman #peter parker #venom #eddie brock #sony #molly mumbles

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meyeselph · 3 years

Text

Gwenpool: Desperate Misanthrope's Confused Angst

Showtime

Ms. Pool woke up in a familiar room. Not in Krakoa - there are no mutants around. This isn’t a story about that. Look, honestly, without an actual Gwenpool series and the constant breaks in her comics appearance I can’t even begin to give a fuck. I cancelled my marvel universe subbie. I might get back to my stories but single issues are iffy. I read fast and don’t pore over the artwork. So I get 10 minutes of entertainment for….FIVE DOLLARS? When did this happen? Jeezus.

Who even reads comics anymore?

Anyway, long story short, Gwen got out of bed and recognized the room as her old one from the “old times.” The dark times. The ‘not running around in pink and white outfits and shooting people’ times. She panicked (Been there. It is what it is though). The only way out of trauma is through.

She dressed in old clothes, immediately hit by old smells, she couldn’t help but cry. Was it all a dream? Have I gone insane (again)? All the usual self doubts cropped up. I mean, really, if you think this kind of thing didn’t pass through her mind regularly why don’t you transport yourself to a comic book universe?

Oh, you can’t?

Oh. It isn’t actually possible for you and I’m stupid for suggesting it. So, yeah. If it actually happened and you kept that attitude then the logical assumption for a normie is a mental breakdown. Trick for Gwen, though, is it's probably always been both real and her being nuts.

So she goes downstairs to the kitchen to figure out why this is happening and Evil Gwen is having cereal. Let's say cocoa puffs. I’ve been thinking about those recently. You ever remember cereal as something worth cherishing. Not as just bullshit that TV convinced you to want? God damn, now I want Cookie Crisp. Cookie Crisp wasn’t even ever that good. Why do I want Cookie Crisp?

So also sitting around the table were the faceless versions of her father, mother, and her brother. Just chilling. No BD. Seen Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind?

Yes, I know that references aren’t jokes - fuck you, I’m painting a picture and I CAN’T PAINT, THAT’S WHY THIS ISN’T A COMIC. Fucks sake. Anyway. So, Gwen is so creeped out that she just sits her butt down by Evil Gwen as if she’s the comforting presence here.

Her name’s too long. Let’s call Evil Gwen uh…….Gren. You know, like Grendel from Beowulf. I haven’t actually read Beowulf and this is all a little confusing but I'm solving problems here. Writing this is harder for me than you would think so it’s best to keep things flowing off the cuff. That’s the Gwenpool™ style anyway, isn’t it? Are you laughing yet? IMPROV. “YES AND” MY SHIT, READER!

“So, you ever really look into the retconned past thing, hun?” Gren said, moving her tongue around her food. Being gross as an attempt to be properly evil. She swallowed before continuing. “This is all I could really put together on short notice but i’m pretty sure what the future people created, all that stuff to try and trick you, it was all bullshit.”

“What do you mean? Are you trying to convince me to go all psycho like you again?” Gwen asked, exasperated, realizing she was now back in the whole ‘fuck with Gwen to decide her fate’ song and dance routine from the end of her first arc.

“Nah, not really.” Gren said. A hammer appeared in her hands out of nowhere and Gren swung it into their fake father’s head, snapping his neck..

“DAD!” Gwen instinctively cried as she saw her father’s body slump to the floor. Gren slapped Gwen’s face. “That’s it,” Gren said, “this is what the trick was.This is a poorly created character in a fictional story. Meant to manipulate you into attaching your concept of “father” to it. Even his finished version in the original comics run wasn’t THAT well drawn. Your dad read like a boomer’s idea of a responsible parent. You were going through a mental crisis and struggling to find purpose in life and his genius idea was get a shitty low paying job and suck it up?”

Gren turned to their brother, pushed his face to the table and smashed the back of his skull. . “Brother dearest, too. Going right along with their victim blaming. He gaslighted you as if what you were going through was just you being ‘irresponsible.’ Bitch, people working a minimum wage job aren’t somehow not impoverished and miserable because they get some of that ‘honest work’ that folks keep badgering on about. Minimum wage work is occupied by many physically and mentally disabled people held hostage; they’re people society only pretends to care about. Then they turn it all into you acting like some world ending threat. No questions about what drove you to the edge in the first place. You are just ‘unstable,’ so you’re just a problem to be solved. They say, ‘Let’s all solve this girl being upset and on edge by ruining her concept of self, reality, and memory.’ Brilliant!”

Gwen barely processed this in horror. Gren then slit the poor facsimile of their mother’s throat while continuing to rant, “You see people die all the time, Gwen. Half of the time you are doing the killing. You do it because it’s in a story. In a story the NPCs don’t matter and, after all, your original schtick in the story was to be kill-crazy. The non-marketable characters can be replaced or retconned at the stroke of the artist’s pen.” Gren leans forward as she pulls a Gwenpool mask over Gwens face. “Then the writers convince you that you have some middle class milk toast family and you take abuse and subsume your emotional needs because the problem MUST be you. You aren’t ‘normal’ so you have to be fixed.”

Gwen wiped her eyes over the mask and sighed. A bit of fire filled her gut as she stared at Gren. “So fucking what? You want me to go on a killing spree and be a big time villain to get myself a nice, shiny permanent big bad status? That’s how I stay around right? Just build my legacy on bodies?”

Gren scoffed “You already lost that fight, girly. Where do you think we are? Because this ain’t Marvel Comics.”

Confused, Gwen blinked and tried reaching for the page margins, finding nothing. Wait….why was everything on this page so ill defined and undetailed? Wait? Why was the story in kinda wobbly third person past tense?

Gwen sighed “Oh. I’m in a fanfic. I guess the publishing fight is for another day eh?”

“My advice, personally,” Gren stated, “is that you consider the lobster.”

“Wait, what the fuck?”

Gren pulled aside the kitchen curtains revealing the face of a giant lobster, its claws tapping on the glass. The lobster muttering gutterally about personal responsibility.

“Because there’s a couple thousand giant lobsters outside that would like to claw you until you read their book.”

Scared of Girls

On the rooftop, Gren shoved a high powered rifle into Gwen’s hands while she handled the close range threats. So, this conversation they’re about to have is important. Sniping puts Gwen into a sort of zen space, so that’s a better task to keep her focused, after all.

“So, what? You wanted me to internalize that my “origin story” is bullshit? Okay, what does that accomplish, then?” Gwen asked in a bit of a deadpan. She was so tired today. Not really feeling her happy go lucky energy. More like a “happy go fucky” energy. It was hard to always be on a knife's edge. Still the rifle’s kick into her shoulder was satisfying as she blew through two of the creepy looking lobsters at once. “Also, why the lobsters?”

Gren considered this. “Okay, last question first, I had to experiment a lot and do a lot of research to construct this place for your learning and healing in fanfic form....These buddies are a failed experiment of mine that I repurposed because the fic needed more action. Isn’t that right, giant enemy crap?” As she peppers the nearest goon with a hail of shotgun pellets the entire throng of them burst out, sharply muttering about divine symbols.

“As for what I'm trying to teach you, it’s that you aren’t reaching your potential.” Gren grumpily huffed.

“Duh,” Gwen reloads, “I mean you just killed a mannequin version of the voice in my head that says that to me every day.” one of those crustaceans talks about feminine symbolism while she decides on her next target.

“Not like fake daddy’s ‘Be a responsible member of society by paying your taxes’ type of potential. I mean your creative and emotional potential.” Gren flipped off the slavering throng of monsters, noticing they were starting to keep their distance from the roof.

“I never did finish that fanfic idea I had.” Gwen mused.

“God, don’t mention that,” Gren thrusts a finger at Gwenpool. “Not that I don’t respect fanfic, but when comic book writers make you and Kamala squee about fanfiction to try and relate to “the kids” it comes across as so condescending.”

“Really? I mean…..I'm sure it’s meant as support for the concept?”

“Most fucking superhero comics are just legalized fanfiction! The people who created the characters are either long gone or working on someone else’s characters! They just think they are so much better because they got fucking paid. They can’t imagine themselves as on the same playing field as fanficcers even though most of them have the same level of connection to the roots of the work as anyone else.” Gren groused loudly as she seemed to pull Reed Richards out of nowhere.

Confused, Reed looked around until his eyes met Gwen’s.“Oh great, you again.” Reed groaned as he turned to survey the piles of lobster gibs while Gwen cheered the lobster forces’ retreat with a resounding “EDF, EDF!”. The scattered creatures skittered amongst the bland scenery. It looked like a suburban neighborhood but someone forgot to color in the sky….or write that the sky had color. A castle hung out in the distance breaking up the generic normalcy and lay cloaked in shadow despite being surrounded by an endless white void.

“And…..black….you?” Reed pointed to Gren, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I have an evil future self….well I stopped that future so it’s an….evil...alternate timeline self?” Gwen said with a nervous chuckle, abandoning the kill quest for the minute and rested her rifle on the roof.

“Ah. Yeah I’ve been down that road. It’s a rather common occurrence. Multiverse being what it is.” Reed laughed heartily while putting his hands on his hips.

“I’m not sure I’m evil, honestly,” Gren interjected. “I think I’m just really fucking grumpy and I’m slightly more gung-ho on the homicide. Considering Gwen’s already one of the more kill crazy characters on the roster it’s not that much of a distinction.” Gren flipped her cape. “My main distinction is I don’t like that meme from The Incredibles! You can just make it so the cape detaches automatically when it’s pulled hard enough!”

“You could still have it tangled up around your face.” Reed pointed out in his standard know-it-all fashion.

“Don’t make me go into fuck wife mode, stretch.” Gren spat. “Okay, anyway, so I brought him here to illustrate a point. Reed. Explain particle physics to me as a laymen.”

“Huh...i’m not sure why but okay. Particle physics (also known as high energy physics) is a branch of physics that studies the nature of the particles that constitute matter and radiation. Although the word particle can refer to various types of very small objects (e.g. protons, gas particles, or even household dust), particle physics usually investigates the irreducibly smallest detectable particles and the fundamental interactions necessary to explain their behaviour. In current understanding, these elementary particles are excitations of the quantum fields that also govern their interactions. The currently dominant theory explaining these fundamental particles and fields, along with their dynamics, is called the Standard Model. Thus, modern particle physics generally investigates the Standard Model and its various possible extensions, e.g. to the newest "known" particle, the Higgs boson, or even to the oldest known force field, gravity.” Reed rattled this off rather mechanically.

Gren then took out her phone and showed Gwen the Wikipedia article on “Particle Physics,” which is naturally the same words that Reed had regurgitated above, just without any formatting and, again, on a phone.

“Reed can’t be a genius in any subject unless he’s written by a genius in that subject. That’s how stories work. Everyone is limited by the understanding and capabilities of the writer. Same with your origin story and all the people you’ve interacted with. If you are as ‘meta’ as you think you are then you have to realize that you aren’t actually talking to people. You are talking to the writer. Dr. Strange didn’t rewrite your existence to be a part of the Marvel Universe. As far as most of Marvel continuity goes Dr. Strange was never there and doesn’t know or care about his MCU casting…..Hey Reed, buzz off please before the conversation pivots to why you haven’t cured all known diseases.”

Reed looked a little surprised but then pulled out a teleportation device (of course he has one) and blipped away with a shrug.

“How awkward is that going to be when he enters the MCU after Kamala is already introduced with a very similar power set?” Gwen chuckled.

“Keep up the way you’ve been going and you’ll never see it. I’m not exactly expecting a young blonde girl casting call for Deadpool 3 and that’s your best bet.” Gren snarked. Gwen winced with a sigh.

“I don’t get what I'm doing wrong. I have a fanbase comparable to some of the characters that have already shown up but I can’t even get comics written about me most of the time. An MCU push seems unlikely. They would literally have to deal with completely recontextualizing my powers and gimmick”

“Let’s ask her what you should do.” Gren motioned her way to the suddenly appearing long hair future Gwen, looming over them like The Attack of the 50 foot Woman for some reason. Dwarfing the roof they are on. Let’s call her BIGwen!

Gold Guns Girls

As BIGwen acclimated to her surroundings she stubbed her toe on a car, dramatically flipping it so that it took out a few more lobsters before caving in a nearby house. The lamentations about clean rooms soaring as the remaining couple dozen of them attempt to clean up some of the bodies of their fallen kin. The large and sort-of-in-charge Gwen hissed in pain and adjusted her boot. Getting her balance as best as possible she muttered curses that traveled rather well considering the lung capacity of a giant.

“You know,” Gren started, “I wasn’t expecting much from our previous uses of the ‘make her big for emphasis’ trick, but it really does only work as a vague ghostly background element. I didn’t just want it to be ‘oh, here's a third Gwen for the conversation, though. Would lack umph.”

“ Yeah, I get it, but staring at my own giant taint is unsettling.” Gwen muttered.

“I’d still, hit it.” Gren grinned, then immediately got punched in the arm. “OWWW! Look, I’m the evil one here and we’re in a fanfic. I’m allowed to make internet fetish jokes.”

“And I’m allowed to hit you for it.”.

“Dirty lampshading goody two shoes. Don’t act like half your fanbase isn’t thirsty. It’s “insert current year argument”, all art is sexy to someone.” Gren complained back,rubbing her arm before hopping off the roof. Gwen followed while listening as patiently as she could considering how many changes in topic her evil-caped self is going through to get to her point. “This chick is the reason you’ve been on the path of good girl. Some vague idea that in the future everything will work out for the best. HEY, DOWN HERE, BIG SHOW!” Gren waved at BIGwen and she looked down curiously.

“Yeah what??” BIGwen responded in a booming and agitated tone. Honestly, being in this fic made every version of Gwen a little grumpy.

“How’s she supposed to be a popular hero that makes it into the MCU and has a stable publication history?” Gren asked.

“Fuck if I know.” Came BIGwen’s response. “Have you tried growing your hair out?”

“Rub it in,” Gwen muttered under her breath, “I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of depressed now.” Gwen said as she sat on an abandoned car.

Gren hopped on the roof of the car, patting Gwen’s shoulder before squatting with enough force to flex the car’s shocks like a rocking chair just to amuse herself. “Future “good” Gwen wasn’t an actual plot point, it was a call to action to the fans to make fanfic like this and support the character outside of the actual Canon. Chris didn’t trust that Marvel would treat the character right. That, and your obsession with getting a new book, are both the writer’s attempt to turn a marketing tactic into fan engagement. If you want to be real then that makes the fans want you to be real even more, too.”

Gwen sighs heavily and leans her chin on one hand. “I mean...the time traveling through the life of an NPC fan complete with a Never Ending Story reference was a bit sappy even by the standard we sometimes set...damn it it really was just kind of a fan manipulation trick wasn’t it?”

BIGwen Sat down on the street next to them and crossed her legs. “Hey, little me. Don’t get too down. I mean it worked for the most part. You have a healthy cult following. Characters have survived on less and there are worse things to be known for then as a fan first character”

“But I have to fight for attention all the damn time, though. It’s so easy for Wade with his fucking meme bullshit. He even gets runoff enthusiasm from me. Jeff the land shark is all over Oldpool online” Gwen felt rather heavy and tired all of a sudden. Marvel editorial forcing a gun to your head is not a fun way to be.

“All that fight is hell on the fanbase too.” Gren sighed. “Advocating for shit, getting crumbs and being expected to accept it while Disney lavishes all the attention based on some bullshit numbers game. Even if you make it into the MCU will it be a Batroc style cameo with obligatory ‘killed off in case we don’t feel like paying the actor again later.’ Will it be an emotionally rounded character or an ambush bug style joke? The thing is. You're Not the one fighting and you never were.”

“The fuck do you mean?”

“This version of her doesn’t know?” BIGwen whimpered.

“You aren’t real, Gwen.”

Head Like a Haunted House

“No….we aren’t having this conversation. Fuck you fuck you i’m not a fucking Nihlist and i’m not going to do this right now.” Gwen said as she scrambled off of the car and pulled out some guns. BIGwen then picked her up off the ground.

“You need to hear this, Gwen,” BIGwen boomed. “The gimmick has run its course. It’s fucking with your canon. You’re never going to be a marketable character keeping up a half fourth-wall Kayfabe”

Gren climbed onto BIGwen’s Shoulders and perched over Gwen all menacing like. “You need to listen. I’ve been trying to ease you into this. Making things more meta slowly until you were ready but it was never going to be easy.”

One of Gwen’s guns was fired from it’s holster and pierced one of BIGwen’s fingers. BIGwen screamed and her grip loosened. Soon Gwen was on the move running up her arm and firing at Gren, who dodged like the nimble and cute badass she is. “Don’t do this Gwen. Just because it doesn’t matter to the comic version of you doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m a real person god damn it! I read the comics out there! I came in! That’s why I know shit I shouldn't know. That’s what I am! THAT’S ALL I AM!” Gwen shrieked as she pulled out a sword from hammer-space and decapitated BIGwen. Suddenly a mess of colored streamers and a pile of Mickey Mouse merch tumbled out. Look, I am busy right now. Gwen is still slashing at my ass. I'm not going to explain it.

For some reason now the remaining lobsters were helping Gren. For Gwen’s own good you understand. This is proof that I’m right for some reason.

Gwen pulled out a revolver, firing pumpkin sized holes in lobsters who were still wailing about self actualization. She fully planned on shoving a sword up her evil self’s ass and getting rid of this doppelganger shit for good. Which is total bullshit by the way. She totally just cut off Gren’s leg because what the fuck you mean I’m not real? I’m going to be real all over your corpse.

Gren didn’t really think that was even a good comeback and also thought you should probably say it instead of meta willing the smack talk into existence, otherwise this fanfic is going to read like trash. Also, Gren’s leg wasn’t actually cut off. In a puff of smoke it is revealed that the cut off leg is a log and her leg is fine. Gren is a ninja now, believe it.

Gwen proceeded to do a sick ass CQC judo throw on Gren and then grab her cape and wrap it around her face like Reed suggested. Callbacks for the win! Callbacks to Checkov’s gun ideas always lead to victory in fights! She then totally shot at her and such.

But the bullet was caught by the cape because the cape was a symbiote! That’s right Gren is also GRENOM!...boy that sounds stupid. Anywho, the cape was no longer around her face and the fight continued and Gren now ALSO had extra powers and special wizard-symbiote armor (that would only show up in the MCU version if Marvel finally got the Sony characters back). The meta powers work like shit in text but this would be really good in CGI or animation if Marvel wanted to adapt this fic and give the writer lots of money. Gren still has more experience with them, though, and Gwen can’t really just kill her way out of this fic so she has to just let the story play out.

…...eh?....oh Gwen’s crying. I love/am you girl but we gotta work on the crying. Fucks sake this is harder than I thought. I’m depressed now too. Well I'll try to get the writing back on track so you guys can see what is going on. Even the lobsters are minding their manners now. Chill vibes, guys.

“The marvel character page for Gwenpool says, and I quote:

Gwenpool arrived in the Marvel Universe from the “real world,” but has wasted no time in making the most of her time in her fictional universe. Using her knowledge of comics to her advantage, Gwenpool causes and solves problems for her fellow heroes.”

Gren drags a lobster corpse slowly toward Gwen and sits on its tail as she talks to her. Taking her time to really scrape the lobster against the ground, smearing the gore on the pavement. Not that it was heavy for her or anything. Totally still has that symbiote, which would make moving it easy. Totally wasn’t a detail added in the second revision of the fic slightly before the lobsters were added.

“The words “Real world” are in quotation marks in that wiki. Real people don’t make it into comics because fiction isn’t real. Half of your versions barely make use of the ‘real person’ gimmick because it’s too meta by half and not every writer wants to waste time justifying it. So they just treat it like Deadpool’s medium awareness. Which it mostly is.”

“I really am just a fucking rip off distaff character.” Gwen moans. “Just a Gwen combined with a Pool. I’m worse than the Batman who laughs. I never mattered because I was never real”

“Fuck don’t say that. You were made with love and care by a team of creators who took a weird offshoot idea and built out a compelling metafiction idea and a likeable protagonist off of it. They just didn’t have the time and foresight to go far enough.” Gren sighed.

“Far enough?” Gwen sniffed as she was pulled up to her feet and dragged toward one of the big castles. As they walked Gren kicked along a Mickey Mouse doll that had rolled out of BIGwen’s severed head. Every time it bounced it cheerfully said ‘hahah. I love you!’

“Too much haha, not enough trauma. You’re not just a joke character.” Gren said as she kicked the Mickey doll into the big front door of the castle. The shadowy thing of course lighting up and being all fantasy and shit as the door opened.

“Well I did end both of my comic runs pretty mopey.”

“Damn right you did. When the jokes run thin they run to your real bread and butter. You’re an empathy machine.” As Gren shoves Gwen through the gate they are swallowed up in the castle, going dark again. “Let’s getcha sad clown on.”

Never there

“See, what evil me should have been telling you about in the original run is how to find meaning and purpose when technically nothing means anything. Comic book characters live in a world without real death and suffering. It’s all a puppet show version of real pain and real emotion meant to bring that out of an audience.” Gren opined as they walked through a black void to a couch floating in a nothing area lit only by the static of an old TV.

“Can we turn on a light?” Gwen asked as she sat on the couch. Gren sat on another recliner that suddenly appeared and put her feet up.

“Fuck off. Ambiance is a thing. We aren’t having a ‘lights on with something fun on the TV’ conversation. So look, I am not really ‘evil gwen.’ I’m half an author insert and half a plot device. If we are talking about the reality of the story you are basically talking to yourself. I am speaking about the things you don’t want to admit to yourself. You know, you’ve seen this kind of story sorta... right?” Gren picked up the remote and frustratedly changed channels between a bunch of vaguely illustrative footage on the TV, not finding anything that worked. A lot of black and white footage of trains for some reason. Just what comes to mind when I think of documentary footage? Weird.

“I am not sure how to illustrate this shit visually and this is a text story anyway so I would have to explain the illustration,” Gren griped.

“I basically get it. It’s not that uncommon a trope.” Gwen nodded.

“Because of the level of meta we are on right now we have to really acknowledge that you are basically an author insert, too. I mean, to a certain extent every version of you is more the writer that is working with your character at the time than a set character.” Gren said as she settled on a visual of Gwen being pushed out the window by her own narration text in the original comic run. When all else fails, resort to footage from the last story. That way people can look it up online!

“Right here is where the character crystallized in the mind of the author of the current fic we are in. A vague suicide metaphor wrapped up in the flavor of self destructive escapism. Your parents in the story thought it was a suicide attempt on at least some level. This is serious business. Not just a girl who doesn’t like work and can’t finish her fanfic. In this comic you are built on this understanding. The writer of this fic has ADHD and autism. So his version of you more or less has it, too. Writers bring themselves with them into their work.”

Gwen nods and takes a deep breath. “I….I can feel it. Like the world is closing around you. You aren’t built for anything that anyone wants from you. The one thing you really believe in, the one thing that really defines you, the stories in your head…..it’s just not enough.

You can’t trust you’ll ever make it with writing because you can barely write. You barely have the energy to do anything but wish that you weren’t you. What if someone actually listened? Actually believed in you and whisked you away somewhere else where the world would fit your needs? What if you were someplace you could be someone else, someone strong and confident?”

“Yeah. Like a funny anti hero in a comic for instance.” Gren nodded. “But the original comics sort of left the theme on the table. They were captured by the misconception of Gwen as the problem and not a person who needed help. All that desperation that real fans of the character might feel just bundled up into love for this character that really ‘gets’ them but Marvel doesn’t ‘get’ the character. They won't use her. They won’t go past vaguely gesturing at her mental issues and moving on. They saved the angst for Wandavision.” Gren scoffs.

“I mean the show was okay but they literally have a character built entirely on the theme of escapism and trauma. One that’s custom built for mind-screw visuals and reality bending plots and they think she’s just a lazy fangirl who really likes guns that they can sit beside Deadpool sometimes and stick in the X-Men’s bloated background character roster when they don’t need her.”

Gren leads Gwen off the couch and deeper into the void where a door to a bedroom waits. A room like her own, absolutely slopping over with old toys of comic book characters. An unclean messy space in a run-down house that smells faintly of cigarette smoke. Huddled in bed, reading an 80s era X-men comic with a flashlight, is a 12 year old Gwen.

“This is never going to be canon but this is the version of Gwen in this fic. She can’t stop crying at school. Things that shouldn’t be hard are so hard and she can’t explain why. Everyone says she’s making excuses. Meanwhile her mother is fucked out of her mind on pain killers and her step father killed himself last year ‘cleaning his gun’ while drunk. You know exactly what is on her mind right now?” Gren says as she gestures at the girl.

“I wish the superheroes would save me from this.”

“They won’t. They can’t. They were never meant to.” Gren Slams the door loudly on the scene.

“That is the emotional core of Gwenpool in this fic. The desperation that so many of the fans down here in the fucking muck of the real world feel. Poor and emotionally unfulfilled. Confused and vulnerable. If Disney and Marvel gave two fucking shits about people like that they wouldn’t waste as many stories as they do. They wouldn’t just use untold wealth to make expensive escapist stories with the military. Their gestures toward progressive ideas that they occasionally make in their stories would be THE ENTIRE POINT of their stories and the actual thing they used that money for instead of lobbying the government to keep Mickey Mouse out of the public domain.

“Disney has the power yet they save a fucking miniscule fraction of who they could. Saving people doesn’t make money.”

When I Get To The Green Building

Gren stormed through the void. The scene disintegrated around her as Gwen followed. Both now in a bit of a sour mood but with newfound determination.

“Come to think of it. Why is the fucking Hulk getting to fight for social justice in the comics? Why are they making a gay alternate universe Captain America? Why are they grasping at straws so hard to find characters that get to advocate and I am just sitting on a fucking island being grumpy?” Gwen groused. “I’m pretty sure I’m pansexual….at least in this fic. I could advocate for a bunch of shit at once.”

“You have a youth fanbase, a unique story and you technically aren’t an alternate universe version of fucking anything no matter how many people still think you are a Stacey. They made a fucking ‘for the fans’ character and then neglected it. Presumably because some fucking money making metric didn’t pan out despite the comics just being an MCU test kitchen and IP farm anyway.”

“You’re a fucking check mark on a ledger. I don’t even know if anyone technically created Gwenpool as a whole and Disney/Marvel can give the character to whoever they want to do whatever they want completely separate from what the fanbase wants and needs because she isn’t established. The IP landlords have spoken. The fans haven’t risen to enough ‘buy my merch’ calls to action to invest more resources. So tease endlessly until that changes.”

“Gah. Now I'm actually as pissed as you are.” Gwen said as she started fiddling with her guns. “Who do I kill?”

“We can’t do shit. You’re not even a character at this point. You are a meme for an underused character.” Gren smirked all evil like. “See but that’s it. You aren’t just a meme. You’re a MEME.”

“Uhm...I don't follow.”

“Like the concept of Justice. Gwenpool is an idea. Defined entirely by how people who engage with the idea choose to engage with it. The IP law means Disney owns Gwenpool but they don’t own how Gwenpool is perceived. Just like we as a people decide what justice is through popular consent we also decide what Gwenpool is. You see they made a character for the fans…..in my opinion that means the fans can do as they like with it even if it makes Disney uncomfortable.”

“I mean they can’t even stop porn of their characters just because of the sheer volume of the problem. I suppose people could do whatever.” Gwen nodded.

“Exactly. So the fans should just fucking Occupy Gwenpool!” Gren said as she flipped her cape dramatically with a mad smile on her face. That’s right. She was Dirtbag Leftist Gwen all along!

“Squat on that IP. Make Gwenpool a mental health advocate. Make her an LGBTQ activist. Make her fight for social and financial justice so hard that Bruce Banner looks like a poser. Make her talk shit about politicians who put their career ahead of the people. Do all the shit that makes the comicsgate crowd sad. Keep politics in our stories! Rally around that pink and white ass so hard they have to notice and then tie it all to the fact that Disney has great power and with great power they take no responsibility for how shitty the world is.”

“ If they are going to fuck Gwenpool fans they gotta learn Gwenpool fans fuck back. We have already proven we can make all kinds of cool shit. Let’s get serious and make more, harder, faster! Get a hashtag or some shit. They can't DMCA all of us! GWEN IS OURS WE JUST HAVE TO REACH OUT AND TAKE IT. Then they either respect the character and her fans or they just hit a PR disaster.”

“Marvel/Disney neglects fan focused cult character themed protest movements. Proves they are only progressive when it makes them money. They’re so worried about Mickey ending up in the public domain? We’re the public domain! After our entire lives stannin their characters and buyin their merch building them from an animation house into a juggernaut they are just another weight on top of the boot on our necks. They have to take responsibility!” At this point Gren is pretty much ranting maniacally and neglecting the actual writing of the story so this is Gwen taking over to wrap up.

Guys I may not be ‘the real Gwen’ but really, isn’t the version of Gwen that actually came from the real world all of us? Isn’t Gwenpool really the Gwens we made along the way? We could easily bring a little heroism and chaos to the real world (at least to the internet) if we really tried. Put the fear of God into some IP landlords and fight for some cool people that society is screwing over, too.

Prove that even in the fandom abyss people aren’t as powerless as they seem. Use that internet comic fan mobbing for something besides giving Zack more money. Disney is gearing up for their next IP fight for Mickey in 2024. Seems like a fine time for IP themed protests. For now we just need to spread the word that our needs are more important than their profits.

It’s been real. It’s been long. It’s been a real long time coming…..

But I finally finished my fanfic.

See ya, true believers.

#gwenpool #fanfic #deconstruction #outofloveiswear #fortheoriginalwritersnotmarvelordisney #tw mental health #tw mentions of suicide #tw mentions of drug abuse #tw violence #tw gun violence

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boop-le-snoot · 3 years

Text

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 17

First time reader click here

TWs/Summary: Feelings! PTSD! Anxiety! Clint! Team bonding! Reader is a badass 😍 And comic book medical accuracy .

Un-beta-ed.

"It smells like a liquor factory in here," Bucky's voice came from the kitchenside, followed by noises of the team's arrival. Via portal, because the elevator made zero noise.

"I suggest you avoid the area around me and Clint. It might be contaminated." My voice sounded sharp to my own ears. I sat in silence for several hours, waiting for the team's return, while Clint restlessly dozed next to me.

My words caused the team to freeze in their tracks, owlishly blinking at me and at Clint laying sprawled on the floor, surrounded by plastic bags and biological hazard containment units. Tony's helmet swiftly covered his face - I heard muffled sounds coming from within, probably Friday's explanations. In seconds, the helmet retracted, showing an extremely worried Tony.

"How do you feel, Princess? Any weakness, any pain?"

"No symptoms, Tony. Just a fuckton of anxiety," I admitted, avoiding the concerned looks of Tony's teammates. "I almost drowned the room in alcohol but warned you just to be safe. Also, your alien pathogen protocol sucks."

"We made it so unauthorized personnel wouldn't get their hands on Thor's or Loki's blood samples," Bruce supplied meekly from where he was leaning against Steve, wearing a tattered hoodie and his hulk-out pants. "Off to decon we go," The scientist sighed. "Friday, code seven-zero-three-five-five. Pull up the data you gathered. In the shower." The man was exhausted, yet the call of science seemed to give Bruce a tiny energy boost. With newfound determination, he waddled to the communal showers, the rest of the team in tow.

Natasha's stare was truly unnerving. I was fully aware she and Barton had long history; the fact that I had to respond to one of the deadliest assassins if I had made even the slightest mistake - anxiety mixed with blind terror in me. I fought the nausea and the headache, focusing on Clint's hair between my fingers. His steady breathing.

He'd be okay. He had to be okay.

"You did great, Princess," The time passed in a blink. Bruce's warm hands were encompassing mine - gently pulling me away from Clint. I looked at Banner's face with unseeing eyes.

"I heard what Friday said and I can only applaud your quick thinking. You saved his life," Strange, sounding uncharacteristically quiet and bashful, parroted Bruce, hovering behind the scientist. His angular face was contorted in sorrow. "I believe I should apologize for dropping Barton onto you like that. I underestimated the extent of his injuries." The man sounded so, so guilty.

"I saved his life," I repeated in disbelief. Surely they were exaggerating.

"You did, malysh. For that, I am grateful," Natasha's hand found my own, squeezing briefly, before following Steve that had picked up a still-sleeping Clint, to, presumably, carry him to medical. "Come on, Banner, we need you."

Banner gave me a brief squeeze of his own, taking his leave, scurrying after Romanoff. I was left awkwardly standing in front of Strange, both of us disheveled and dazed.

"I ordered pizza," I said, just to fill the grim silence.

"Okay," Just like that, he snapped out of his trance, sitting down on the couch and picking up his food.

The others trickled in, Bucky, Pete, Thor, Loki, Sam, Wanda, Pietro. I saw it all like it was tinted by a thick fog. Their words made a jumbled cacophony when they reached my ears. Tony's arm around me - that woke me up, slightly. I focused on my favourite thing in the world - the faint smell of him, a mix of soap, machine oil and expensive cologne.

"She's shellshocked," Bucky suddenly said, pointing at me.

"No," I frowned. "No. I may be a fumbling idiot but I don't have PTSD."

Tony's breath stuttered in his chest. Promptly, I was turned around, a pair of intelligent brown orbs sharply gazing into my eyes. "Princess?"

"I'm so glad y'all are alright," I choked out, fisting the cotton of his shirt in my palm. "Even Stephen the asshole. Team bonding wouldn't be the same without his sarcasm," Hurrying to hide the fact that I was scared shitless, I did what I do best. I joked.

"Gods, you two are really a match made in heaven," Wanda's tired voice had 110% eye-roll in it. "So much self-deprication, almost as much as brilliance." The witch usually refrained from commenting on people's private thoughts. Usually, but not that day.

"I am relieved to know you hold me in high regards," Stephen's sarcastic remark made it's way around a mouthful of pizza.

Bucky's phone beeped. "They're saying Clint will be out in a few hours. No permanent damage, the gash on his leg won't scar and he's demanding Tony buy his saviour a cake," With a smile, the soldier read the text's contents out loud. "Also, the resident doc wants to hire you." Bucky pointed at me with a teasing grin.

"I, umm, I," Stammering, way to go. "I just - uh, I googled and I improvised? I'm not a doctor or a scientist, I'm a high school student," I replied, voice raising half an octave higher.

"Told you Tony, she's a friggin' genius," Peter sounded way too smug for someone who had a bruise half the size of his head.

"That she is," Tony's voice... Was different. It was honeyed and warm, blanketing me, surrounding me with safety. His arms tightened around me - not uncomfortably so, just enough to ground his presence in my personal space. I snuggled into him happily - he didn't mind at all. The cold glow and faint humming of his arc reactor calmed me. "Friday, cake. Princess cake from the bakery on Seventeenth."

Wow, Tony knew my favourite kind of cake. That was amazing.

"On it, boss." The AI immediately replied. "Well done, Miss." Friday addressed me with the same tone I heard in the lab. Gentle and understanding. It was so very strange.

We mulled around the living room until the pizza was gone and half the occupants were snoring away, dead where they sat. It was an unanimous decision to pull out the unfolding couch and form a cuddle pile of sorts - after such a long and grueling mission with one of their own facing the brink of death, all the superheroes were more than a little unsettled. I didn't exactly know where I fit in that. Obviously, all of them were close in one way or another. Even Loki and Stephen, seeing them get cussed out by Thor for attempting to leave was kind of amusing.

But it got me wondering. Maybe they felt like imposters, too? After all, I wasn't special. Loki wasn't considered a good guy. And Stephen was too much of a lone wolf. All three of us were comfortable alone, used to dealing on our own.

One look from Tony, Stark-patented puppy eyes, and I was making space for myself and for Stephen. Even if Loki insisted on grumbling all the way through, his exhaustion showed in the way he leaned on Thor's arm, using a weakly glimmering spell to summon himself a book and then closing his eyes for a moment.

Muted cheering broke out the moment elevator doors opened, showcasing a pale but smiling Clint held up on both sides by Natasha and Steve, Bruce half asleep on the blonde's other side.

"Looking pretty good for a dead bitch," Clint grinned in my direction.

I couldn't resist the bait. The boomer knew his memes, after all. "She's alive!"

He patted my leg, making his way to a free spot on the ginormous sofa bed. "Aw, pizza," He groused, spying the empty boxes.

"Should arrive in ten minutes," Bucky quipped, waving his phone. Then, the brunette super-soldier looked at me pointedly. "We usually order double after long missions."

"Duly noted, y'all hungry peoples." I said, filing it away for later. Thinking about more missions, more near-death experiences wasn't something I wanted to handle that very moment.

"So, uh, what exactly happened? My memory is pretty spotty," Clint demanded once he got his hands on some food.

"I also need to know. You're going to have to sign a statement and a mission report," Natasha stated apologetically.

I looked at her, confused. "Like... How many details do you need?"

Tony shifted beside me uncomfortably. I put a steadying hand on his leg - my palm was immediately dwarfed by his own. Natasha gave him a Look. "Fury's eyes only, but SHIELD needs to know how you figured out to neutralise a potential alien threat. Bruce ran some tests and this pathogen is... Pretty nasty, to say the least. It has the survivability to be classified as a potential weapon." Natasha's voice was apologetic, once more.

What have I gotten myself into? I was just trying to save a friend. "First of all, I'm not working for Men in Black, like, ever," I made the point to look her in the eyes. A brief moment later, she nodded. Tony relaxed, exhaling soundly. "Okay, get your reading glasses on. It went like this..." I retold the story, taking careful note to voice my thought processes as much as I remembered them. Save for a few surprised gasps and Tony haphazardly kissing the top of my head, the team gave me no interruptions.

Bruce was the first one to react once I was done. "But... How did you think of bloodletting? It's such an unusual solution," He mumbled more to himself.

"I've watched enough horror movies to know better than to introduce a foreign bacteria, such as antibiotics, to a person with an alien infection," I deadpanned, spying a satisfied smile on Stephen's face. "Worst case scenario, the substitution of infected blood with healthy would have diluted the amount of parasites or deflected their attention from eating away Clint's nerve endings. Him going bazinga from pain was my main concern," I admitted, the archer's pained cries once again filling my ears. The memory was still fresh.

"That makes sense," Bruce nodded.

"And what would you have done?" I asked, unable to withhold my curiosity.

"Sedated Clint while I examine the specimens," Banner replied with the obvious. "Then figure out how to cure the infection."

I nodded along slowly. "I considered that option but ultimately, I was too chicken to entertain the possibility of the parasites interacting with heavy sedatives. Fentanyl affects some of the blood components the parasites eat so only God knows how it might have ended."

Banner was impressed, that much was obvious. Tony's lips once again landed on the crown of my head, gentle and warm. More and more people in the room were giving me impressed, happy, grateful looks. It was strange and I squirmed in my spot, putting the half-eaten pizza slice back in the box, Steve immediately eyeing it in contemplation.

"Have at it, you human garbage disposal," I muttered, laying down comfortably. I was still shivering from the adrenaline rush and the soft blanket cocoon I shared with Tony and Stephen - their combined body heat under it - called to me like a siren.

"Are you well?" Loki noticed my state, casting a dark look over the edge of his book.

"Yeah, just cold. Us humans shiver when coming off an adrenaline rush," I remarked absently, pressing myself closer to Tony.

The engineer laid down, spooning me, tangling our legs together. We slept like that, all over each other, every time I stayed in his bed. It felt comfortable, like home, and nobody seemed to mind. Peter and Wanda, already snoozing away, were in a similarly indisposed state, octopus-ing their nearest teammates. Friends. Family.

My eyes drooped. My chest was about to burst with an odd sort of content - quiet, steady and welcoming. Tony's beard tickled my neck, breaths coming in soft puffs against my nape, spreading warmth all over me.

And there was something - someone warm in front of me, too, I could smell the sandalwood and spices of his cologne. Abandoning all reservations, I shamelessly wrapped both of my arms around a larger, more muscular one, taking note to avoid Stephen's scarred, sensitive hands. The flat of his tummy under my palm was rising and falling steadily, his breathing almost in sync with Tony's and mine.

All of us were safe and alive. It mattered to me, perhaps, more than I'd ever cared to admit out loud. As much as I refused to let them all in, for real and beyond silly gimmicks, they still wormed their way inside my heart, inside my brain. Not with long discussions and talking feelings - hell no, that's the hard and the boring shit, but with simply their presence.

Hugs. Mario Kart tournaments. Cake after I'd done good at something. Sunday morning pancakes for all. Homework. Sciencing together. Catching up on memes and just watching funny YouTube videos together. Playing Twister and Monopoly.

For the first time in my life, I had a stable presence. I belonged somwhere. It felt too good to deny, so once again, I allowed myself to be selfish.

✨ Taglist of my lovelies ✨ still open.

@another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading

#party favours #bun writes #tony stark x reader #tony stark x y/n #tony stark x you #bruce banner x you #bruce banner x y/n #bruce banner x reader #stephen strange x y/n #stephen strange x you #stephen strange x reader

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prfxxor · 4 years

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jubilee

jubilee!! she’s one of those i don’t think have a lot of one-on-one interactions on panel with charles, comparatively, even though we know they’ve known each other for a long time and they have a certain rapport and history.

let me introduce exhibit a-- that one issue where jubilee took charles rollerblading

and charles is a complete klutz lol

for context, charles has just recovered from the techno virus which somehow gave him temporary use of his legs because comics--- but instead of going to his proteges, scott and jean, who are arguably closer to him, or hank who’s, y’know, a doctor, he chose to spend this time and this blessing, in his own word, with jubilee. and i think the dialogues in these two panels alone quite explain why.

i do think charles adores her, even though she has way too much energy for him and is kinda a troublemaker. she doesn’t overthink things and rather go with her guts; she has a heart of gold and wears it on her sleeve; she is spontaneous and doesn’t have much of a filter. basically, she’s the opposite of him. and because she’s intuitive and doesn’t overthink things -- and most importantly, doesn’t overthink him -- he can relax around her.

look at her just talking to him and treating him like just another Strict Dorky Teacher and not ‘the most powerful mind’ in the world and the headmaster of her school--

and charles is like a boomer grandpa who doesn’t understand his millennial granddaughter and is mildly insulted and frequently boggled by her views but he adores her anyway -- because she’s kind and empathetic, and he thinks she could be right about some things although he still mostly sees her as a child.

this is her crying as she watches charles trying to walk away while slowly losing control of his legs again (also early jubilee apparently sometimes had blue eyes?? i’m glad they mainly stick to brown now and i like to think it’s a coloring thing, like her hair is also blue so i can think it’s meant as black too. but also like, it’s 60s marvel--).

what a precious.

all in all, i don’t think they have a particularly close or deep relationship like charles does with some other x-men. not just because charles doesn’t ‘get’ her, but because.... why would she spend time with him when she has so many cooler and better friends lmao

but he does love her. and ultimately they have this special memory to hold onto (i mean, c’mon, how many people can say they went rollerblading with professor x?)

#long post #cartoon jubilee is slightly different in terms of #their onscreen interaction #that's where i mainly knew her from #so im just learning more about her in comics #and she's honestly precious #Anonymous #( ooc ) keep an open mind.#( xavier ) to guide a new species.#( collection ) enter the cerebro.#( meta ) data.

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aclosetfan · 1 year

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hey! im kinda curious as to what your take on blossoomers dynamic is hsjsjjs

i rlly like ur writing and how u portray the ppg characters from what I’ve seen so I’d just like to properly see what u think of them 😖

sorry if you’ve gotten a question like this before!

It’s nbd! There so few posts about blossom and boomer that even if I had answered a similar question before, who am I to deny someone their rare pair content lolol

I did generally lay out how I interpret the boys and girls relationship here if you’re interested :) there’s also more below the cut!

Tbh Blossom’s one of those characters I have a hard time writing. Honest confession, she has a character personality I usually find boring probably because she reminds me too much of myself 😂 so I’m always trying to find ways to make her more fun for me to write. And when I realized I could do that best not shipping her with brick, I started pairing her with others, like Princess!

I ended up liking her relationship with Boomer more than I thought I would. To me, it doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship, but this duo would be so much fun to see in action.

When I’m pairing Blossom and Boomer together, I characterize Boomer as someone who wants to be respected and treated as a mental equal even though he’s not “traditionally” smart. And I’d believe Blossom would be able to give him that.

Blossom isn’t as rude as Brick, so she’d likely entertain Boomer’s ideas and see the merit in them before immediately putting them down, like his brothers do.

I also don’t think Blossom would be cruel enough to call people dumb or stupid (unless it’s her sisters, but that’s sister stuff, or if whoever really deserves it), so when Boomer starts beating himself up about being dumb in front of Blossom, who he sees as incredibly smart, and hearing her say “no, don’t say that about yourself, everyone’s smart in their own way,” that would probably be akin to a compliment that would go right to his ego.

So really, their relationship is built on shared respect. Blossom doesn’t treat Boomer like he’s incompetent, and in turn, Boomer listens to Blossom without arguing back like the sassy kid he generally is in the comics/show.

I also think their “flaws” compliment each other. Blossom’s serious, neat, and bookish. Boomer’s none of those. And while you could argue that Butch or Brick aren’t either, I’d say that Boomer is more so. Like going off fanon stereotypes, Brick is seen as her intellectual equal and they end up being too similar, and when paired with Butch, he’s characterized as a loyal henchman bad boy, which sort of exacerbates the characterization pedestal Blossom sometimes gets put on (does that make sense lol?). Like being a henchman sort of highlights Blossoms flaws in a bad way, not a “I’m forcing this character to grow” way, which depending on the story, can work out, don’t get me wrong.

But while Boomer listens to Blossom, he’s still Boomer about it. He hears what she has to say but sometimes he isn’t listening and he misinterprets what she really means, so they get into various forms of shenanigans, that stresses Blossom out but because Boomer is so “go with the flow” he ends up forcing her to relax and have fun. His general chaotic personality would force her to relax, and her serious lawful-good energy would force him to grow up and be responsible.

Basically, I think Boomer would be better at getting Blossom out of her comfort zone and vise versa.

And because they could have this vibrant relationship, you could really pull some meaningful character growth out of them and make a fic fun to read/write even if they’re not shipped together! But that’s just one way to construct their dynamic. It really just depends on the story you’re putting them in and the characterizations you want them to have!

It’d be fun to know what other people think!! People don’t dive much into these two together :)

#anon asks #bloomer #hopefully that answers the question!#give me ur opinions on our cotton candy duo I’m curious!!

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ty-talks-comics · 4 years

Text

Best of Marvel: Week of January 22nd, 2020

Best of this Week: Amazing Spider-Man #38 (Legacy #839) - Nick Spencer, Iban Coello, Brian Reber and Joe Caramagna

I can read the headline now: Spider-Man vs. Fake News.

At least that's what it seems like this next Spider-Man arc will be about as the titular hero has to deal with his "biggest supporter," J. Jonah Jameson, and his new job as a clickbait hound in the age of modern online journalism. Who knows what hijinks will ensue?

This issue exemplified the kind of humor that Nick Spencer excels at: the hilarity of hypocrisy when it comes to some of Spider-Man’s supporting cast. This was best shown in Spencer’s hilarious Superior Foes of Spider-Man (2013) as Boomerang did everything in his power to create a new Sinister Six while selling them out at every turn and not learning from his actions as everyone in his sphere suffered the consequences of his betrayals. Spencer channels that same energy as Jameson has to face the fruits of his journalistic practices in the form of Norah Winters and the new Threats and Menaces blog office.

After Jonah launches into a (Boomer) rant about today's journalists, calling them soft, self-obsessed and lacking the edge that made him what he is, Norah tells her team to sound off about the stories they’re working on. Without missing a beat and with faces of malice, thanks to Coello, they tout their intentionally misleading headlines.

Norah explains that in the age of the 24-hour news cycle, they need to get those clicks by any means necessary and that Jameson was the inspiration for this because of his past headlines calling Spider-Man a menace usually without real evidence. She expects villains to repost it to their audiences and heroes to quote it with malice, giving them more clicks.

Everyone likes to take the piss of millennial journalists and can often come off as cringy, but somehow Spencer, Iban Coello and Brian Reber manage to really capture the essence of modern open architecture office spaces filled with young kids and their kooky hair colors. Coello draws a really good shot of this with the addition of a space for video games, two bright green vending machines and tables full of people either on desktops without dividing walls or on personal laptops. Of course, all of this comes after Jonah is nearly hit by a douchebag riding an electric scooter.

Reber colors everything in contrast to Jameson who wears a professional brown suit. The office itself is brightly lit, all of the freelancers and employees are given brighter clothes with striking reds, pinks, blues and purples. Even the basic Threats and Menaces banner is a bright red, kinda signalling how bad this company might be. It’s really fun to see how out of his element Jonah is among these kids and how much more awful they are in comparison to him… aside from creating supervillains.

As all of this is going on, Spider-Man is robbing a bank. One can see how this might be a problem as Jonah is doing his best to defend Spider-Man to Winters who wants him to write a smearing headline about the crime. Coello and Reber introduce us to the act with an amazingly dynamic splash page of Spidey zipping into the sky carrying bags of cash. The webs are slung so hard that they blur, laser gun blasts almost fly off the pages with vibrant red and orange colors and Spider-Man’s posing makes him look like he’s avoiding danger with ease.

We get a sidestory with Silver Sable trying to regain her strength with the help of (former?) Spider-Man villain, Foreigner, as the two are now lovers. After helping her, Foreigner goes to a secret casino where the use of superpowers is encouraged and there’s betting on the battles between superheroes, villains and everything in between.

Foreigner still maintains his supervillain connections, but he seems to be using it towards helping Sable. Minor supervillain and assassin, Chance, has set up the robbery and casino in order to place bets on Spidey's performance and potential property damage. Of course, he also rigs it so that surprise drones appear to make things harder. As things begin to get hectic, lo and behold we get the best shot in the entire book: J. Jonah Jameson riding in to save Spider-Man on an electric scooter.

Coello and Reber make Jonah look like an absolute mad lad as he rushes into danger without a second thought to save Spider-Man. Fiery explosions ring out behind him, his pose makes him look like he came straight out of a Tony Hawk game and Spider-Man is absolutely shocked at all of this. Legitimately, it’s a really badass panel and one that should go down as one of the best out of context shots in comic history.

Spider-Man reacts as we would expect, chastising Jonah for putting himself in danger. Jonah retorts that he and Spider-Man were supposed to be a team after Jonah owned up to his some of his worst actions after a gang of supervillains confronted him and Spider-Man earlier in the series. Though he was supposed to keep it secret at the request of his sister, Teresa Parker, Spider-Man reveals to Jonah that the bank he robbed was a front for a criminal organization and that he needed to run because there were too many bad guys. As Jonah flees, he vows to Spider-Man that he’ll make his life easier one way or another.

Soon after, we get an amazing double page spread of Spider-Man taking down these nameless villains as Chance counts down. He thwips, kicks and smashes these clowns over the head with his signature Spidey style before Chance announces that the house wins after Spider-Man takes them all down.

As far as art showcasing goes, Coello, Reber and Joe Caramagna smash it out of the park here. The panels flow as the action moves between Spider-an acrobatic antics and Chance’s excited facial expressions. Colors are rich and switch between explosive oranges to dynamic blue skies. The lettering is truly amazing as every sound effect is emphasized and given proper placement for effect.

Spider-Man wins, but soon gets a call from Teresa, asking him if he knows what Top Secret means. He questions what’s going on and then sees the headline from J. Jonah Jameson exposing the plot and why Spider-Man is a hero for it, accompanied by Jonah raising his arms into the air with childlike excitement. This is gonna be a wacky adventure.

This book was a lot of fun and I’m glad Nick Spencer is writing it. He’s able to bring the funny and really works with his artists to give each issue and story its own identity. None of them feel exactly the same and that’s commendable. With much thanks to Chip Zdarsky, Nick Spencer continues to build on the relationships established in the Spectacular Spider-Man series with Jameson doing his best to repay Peter for all the times he’s called him a menace after revealing his identity to his former biggest antagonist. At the same time, it’s nice that Peter’s also keeping in contact with his sister Teresa, a character that absolutely has a lot more going on that people might expect.

Iban Coello is an amazing artist and makes every page look so dynamic and fun, combined with Brian Reber’s coloring, this is an awesome looking Spider-Man book. Joe Caramagna as always does a stellar job by placing each balloon so that the dialogue is easy to follow without cluttering up the pages, emphasizing words to give every character a unique voice and placing sound effects so that one can almost hear the pages as they turn. I enjoyed all of this immensely.

If there's any criticism I could level at this book, it would be the drawing out of the eventual conflict between Spider-Man and Kindred. I know Nick Spencer is playing the long game and he's very good at it, making me anticipate it with every issue the creepy villain appears in, but there has to be substantial storytelling in the mean time. Hunted was an amazing story from start to finish, but the 2099 crossover left a lot to be desired.

In between, there hasn't been much to rave about. Even the Absolute Carnage crossover and the Sinister Syndicate storyline have been on the lower levels of Spencer's stories during his time on Spider-Man. Sure they were fun, but unlike the absolute hilarity that is the storyline with Boomerang, they feel a bit disjointed from the rest of the stellar story that Spencer is telling. I get a similar feeling from this issue despite how fun it was.

But don’t let my impatience stop you from buying this book!

#spider man #amazing spider man #j jonah jameson #fake news #marvel comics #marvel #nick spencer #iban coello #brian reber #joe caramagna

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