#these two would def fight over bread

[nowheregril]

local idiots fighting over a bolillo

[darkmulti]

(Yandere and non con warning)

Def not the only one who wants a 18th century h.c of possessive and controlling, husband!Jungkook x forced wife!reader. Jungkook gets jealous after witnessing another man asking you out and when you come back home at night, he breeds you. Please make it rough and non con. Thank you❤️‍🔥

-> you’re definitely not the only one. I can assure you that I’ve thought about this too many times😫

⚠️: NON CON, YANDERE!JUNGKOOK, Squirting/piss play, Physically, mental and emotional abuse, spit play,

-> sorry for any mistakes

Your parents owned a local bakery store

All the recipes were from your late grandmother

You spent almost all of your time there because you were in charge of everything

The store was under your parents’ name but you were the one running it

Sometimes, you even slept there because it’d be too late to walk home

Your dedication to the bakery made it successful

Although, you were the one doing all the work, you parents took all the credit and money

They weren’t paying you because you’re their child

They don’t need to pay you

“It’s a women’s place.” Your father said

You wanted to go back to school however, your parents laughed in your face

“School aren’t for girls, Y/N. Learn how to cook and clean. That’s all you need to know. Let the men handle everything else.”

You were tired of fighting with them and eventually stopped because they threatened to set you up in an arrange marriage

Now, it was just you and the bakery

You had many loyal customers and recently, one has been coming everyday, at the same time

He’d always buy a loaf of banana bread and if he was in a good mood, a blueberry muffin as well

Then, he’d sit in the corner table and eat two - three slices before getting up and leaving

He’d always leave a tip behind and you always kept it for yourself

One day, he didn’t come and you were surprised

For a year straight, he came and bought the same two things

Now, he hasn’t visited in 4 days

Tonight, you came back home for the first time in a while

Your parents had visited the bakery to collect “their” earnings and told you that you have to go somewhere with them that evening

After closing up and cleaning up, you went home and got ready

Your parents were taking you out for dinner as a treat for all your hard work

You were really excited because they were finally acknowledging your hard work

Once you arrived at the restaurant, your parents lead you to a table that already had three people seated

You immediately recognize one of them

It’s that guy who buys your banana loaf!

You sat in front of him while your parents greeted the two other strangers

“Oh, so this is your daughter? She’s gorgeous! Come here and give me a hug.”

You awkwardly chuckled and got up to hug the middle aged women

“Oh! Where are my manners? My name is Jeon F/N, this is my husband, Jeon F/N and this is our son, Jeon Jungkook. We’re your soon to be in laws!”

You heart dropped to the floor

“I-in laws?” You asked, confused

“Yeah, honey. Is this your first time hearing about this? We’ve been talking to your parents for a while now.”

You snapped your head towards you parents and they looked emotionless

“No, no they didn’t tell me anything.”

Dinner with them was hell

Your parents were talking about your wedding arrangements right in front of you

You didn’t know what to do

You wanted to rebel but then your parents would disown you

Just like that, you’d be homeless with little money to survive

In the end, you’d be paying the heavy price

You looked at Jungkook who was staring at you the whole time

You wondered if he knew about this

Maybe, that’s why he came to the bakery everyday

“Did you know anything about this?” You said loud enough for him to hear

“I did.”

“For how long?”

“Since last year.”

You eyes widen, in shock

You were right!

“Why didn’t you stop it?”

“Why would I stop it when I’m the one who wants it?”

You scrunch your eyebrows, in confusion

“What’re you talking about?”

“Since the first day I met you, I wanted to marry you. I told my parents and now, we’re getting married.”

Now, you were mad

You got up and stormed off, catching everyone’s attention

You walked to the bakery and locked yourself in

Here, you thought your parents were acknowledging you for first time, when they were actually setting you up for a marriage so they don’t have to take care of you

You cried yourself to sleep that night

The next couple of weeks, the bakery was closed due to your wedding

The wedding was spectacular

You would’ve love it if you weren’t being forced into a marriage

After the wedding, Jungkook took your precious virginity

He made sure to pleasure you until you passed out

He was so in love with you

Now, he was finally able to show you how much he loved you

And mark you as his

The next couple of months, he was attached to you

He took over his family’s business and you took over your family’s business

He’d visit you every day at work to check if you’re with another man

He was so paranoid about it, sometimes he’d come by 3 or 4 times to make sure you were not cheating

You thought he missed you and that’s why he kept stopping by (which is half true) however, you had no idea that he was possessive and controlling

You had to learn the hard way

Sometimes, you wouldn’t leave work until midnight

You had so much things to do like preparing for the next day, making a to-do list, making a grocery lists, and cleaning every area of the shop

It’s time consuming, so obviously you finish up pretty late

Jungkook absolutely hates that

Although you stay late in the shop once in a while, he can’t stand it

He wants you to be in his arms every night

Jungkook gets angry when you’re not

This was your fourth time staying out late in the shop and he’s had enough

He couldn’t help but feel paranoid about what you were actually doing in the shop

What if you lied and went on a date with another man?

What if you were running away from him?

Or even worse, what if you were having sex with another guy?

He raced to the bakery and banged on the door, which scared you

You saw that it was him and let him in

“W-what’s wrong?! You scared me!”

“Grab your stuff, we’re going home.”

“But I’m not done yet! I only have a couple more things to do and then I’ll come home. I told you already-”

“I don’t think you fucking heard me!” He yelled and grabbed your hair

“Grab your shit, we are leaving right now.”

He pushed you towards the counter and crossed his arms

You let your breath out in shock but scurry to get your stuff

You’ve never seen him like this and it terrified you

“I have my stuff.”

“Good, let’s go.”

He helped you lock the door and wrapped his arm around your waist

The walk home was silent

You were scared shitless

All you wanted to do was run back into your parents’ house

But he didn’t let you move an inch away from him

Once you got home, he started pushing you around and arguing some more

“Jungkook, I told you this afternoon when you came to visit! I said I have to stay late so I don’t have to stress myself out in the morning!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me! Who were you fucking seeing?!” He screamed, frightening you more

“No one! I swear, no one!” You whimpered

He corned you into your shared room and locked the door

“Jungkook, I swear! Nothing happened!”

He didn’t believe a single word coming out of your mouth

It was like you were talking to a wall

He pushed you onto the bed and stripped you naked

Jungkook pushed two fingers into your cunt and pretended to scoop out cum

“If nothing happened, why is your cunt full of cum?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! I didn’t have sex with anyone!”

You weren’t very educated about sex, so Jungkook had an advantage

You began apologizing even though you didn’t have sex with anyone

You just wanted peace between you two

“I’m sorry! I didn’t cheat or anything, but I’m sorry if it hurt you! I really am!”

Jungkook slapped you and spat on your face

“Dirty slut. Telling me that you’re not cheating but still apologizing.”

“No! Please, I didn’t do anything!”

Jungkook pulled his cock out and shoved it in without warning

You were still new to sex so when he didn’t let you adjust, you automatically started screaming and crying

“Please, slower!” You cried, holding onto his biceps as he went faster and deeper

“Stop! Please!”

Jungkook loved the sound of his balls clapping against your ass

It honestly made him harder

All night, he was on top, fucking you hard

Your legs were spread apart, tears in your eyes and sweat dripping down your forehead

You looked like a hot mess

And he loved every second of it

“Mmh- Jungkook!”

You squirted around him and had a trembling orgasm

You couldn’t stop releasing your liquids on him and he couldn’t stop pounding you

The bed sheet was soaked by the end of it

He pushed his cock deep inside and came

After Jungkook fell asleep, you cried for while

How were you supposed to tolerate him for the rest of your life?

The next morning

You woke up in severe pain

You lower region was begging for some pain relief

But there was nothing you could do about it

Jungkook was still sleeping next to you

You decided to leave before he wakes up

After getting ready by leaning on everything, you slowly walked to town

When you arrived at the bakery, you saw a big “for sale” sign

You panicked and went inside the store, only to be greeted by your parents

“Mother, father! Why is there a “for sale” sign on the bakery?”

You parents looked at each other in disappointment

“You see, we have to explain the obvious to your daughter. Be grateful that someone willingly married your idiot daughter.” Your father said before walking out

His words did hurt but you cared about the bakery more than your father

“Why’re you selling it, mother? Can you not afford it anymore? Why-”

“Shut up, Y/N! You’re married now, you have wifely duties. You don’t have time for this bakery so the best option is to sell it.”

Your world fell apart right before your eyes

“But mother-”

“Save it. You already made your father upset. I’m warning you now, you don’t want to get on my bad side.”

You cried the whole morning

After you opened the bakery, lots of people gathered in line

All breads, cakes and muffins were going on sale

After you served the people in line, you went up to the tables and took their order

After you served them, a regular customer who was sitting alone gestured you to come over

You went over to the man and asked him if he needed anything

He told you to take a seat and accompany him

Since the crowd died down, you sat down in front of him

“You look a bit stressed and sad. What’s on your mind?”

You were touched by his words

Finally, someone cared about you

You told him you were upset about the bakery closing

He understood and even offered money to help you keep it open

You were flattered but didn’t accept the money

“Money’s not a problem, my parents just don’t want to keep this shop open.”

You talked with this guy for a couple of hours

Although this was your first time talking to him, you talked to him like he was your best friend

When closing time came around, he got up and asked you out on a date

You didn’t know what to do

You were married but you really liked this guy

You were considering saying yes when someone pulled his shoulder back and punched him across the face

“Jungkook! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“You think I didn’t see that?! I saw it all. I saw you flirting with my wife for three hours straight and then asking her out on a date!”

Jungkook beat the crap out of the guy and pushed him outside

He then came back in the store, looking at you with devil eyes

“Yesterday’s punishment clearly wasn’t enough.”

The entire way home, he was yelling at you, slapping you, spitting on you, pulling your hair, pushing you to the ground and choking you

You were crying the whole time, apologizing over and over

When you arrived home, he seriously had no mercy on you

No foreplay, no lube, no adjusting

Just a raw, thick cock being forced into you

You were begging him to let you go but tonight, nothing was going to stop him

He was moving his hips insanely fast, not giving you enough time to breathe

You were choking on your own sobs

“Jungkook, please no! I’m sorry!”

“Why did you hesitate to deny his offer? You are a married fucking women!” With each word a hard thrust followed, knocking all the air out of you

“Answer me! Is he better than me? Does he take care of you? Does he provide money for you? TELL ME!” He was yelling so loudly, it was making you cry harder

“N-no, he doesn’t. He was just the first person to care about me.” You whispered the last sentence but, Jungkook was able to make it out

“Are you saying that I don’t care about you?”

He got more aggressive and fastened his pace

“Tell me, Y/N! Do you think that I don’t care about you?!”

You couldn’t answer him because you couldn’t catch your breath

He was going too fast and you were crying so hard, you couldn’t breathe

Jungkook noticed how much you were struggling and added onto your struggle by holding your neck down

“Apologize, right now Jeon Y/N!”

You softly apologize but it wasn’t good enough for him

He lifted your legs a little, giving him better access and fucked you till you squirted

This time you sobbed your apology and begged for forgiveness

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook! It’ll never— ah! It’ll never happen again! I’m so sorry! Please for- forgive me for my dumb m-mistake. Please! I’m begging you.” You held onto the bed sheet, praying he would stop

He huskily growled and pushed his cock in deep

“For the next 9 months you’ll be swelling with my baby. Now, everyone can back off.”

He shot his hot cum right into you, filling you up to the rim

Sorry for any mistakes. It’s 3:41am 😄

[whoree321]

the bad batch + what romance/rom com movies they watch with you

each of the bad batch x gn!reader

ok first and foremost i really truly believe to the pits of my soul that every single one of these fuckos loves romances and you cannot under any circumstances change my mind

ALSO it’s a gender neutral reader except kinda in echo’s theres like a very brief quote regarding breasts but like i still think even that is pretty gender neutral tbh

so anyway

Hunter: Pretty Woman

this is not the first time that i have publicly declared that i think hunter has a deep rooted connection to the movie pretty woman and it will not be the last

first of all this movie is incredibly soothing to hunters overwhelming savior complex

second of all hunter is literally richard gere (debonaire but emotionally distant gentleman that learns to love) and julia roberts (hooker with a heart of gold) at the same time

he was a little skeptical the first time you put it on but he instantly fell in love with it

the humor, the sensuality, the class divide, the glamour, the unconventional cinderella story of it all. it just really butters his bread

after the first time, when you suggest watching a movie and you pick this one he’ll act very aloof about it (“whatever you want cyar’ika, it doesn’t matter to me”) but secretly he’s really really happy bc it’s one of his favorites (you def know this and def pick it more often)

he absolutely hates the scene when stucky the lawyer hits vivian. like it doesn’t matter how many times he watches it he will fully turn his head away from the screen and say “I don’t like this part” and when it’s over he nuzzles a little closer into you and very tenderly kisses your forehead

he loves the soundtrack too. like he fully exposes how much he likes the movie when you catch him singing or humming “pretty woman” or “it must have been love” absently to himself (you kept it to yourself for a while but eventually you just had to tease him about it. he just smiled a little sheepishly and admitted he liked the songs before promptly changing the subject)

hunter also lowkey definitely wants to recreate the ending where richard gere shows up to her apartment in the white limo with you bc he thinks it’s such a sweet gesture and he wants to treat you like royalty

Crosshair: 10 Things I Hate About You

if there’s one thing about crosshair it’s that he’s a sucker for the enemies to lovers genre

maybe its just him projecting (spoiler alert it most certainly is) but he really enjoys watching the drama conflama of a miserable bastard be tricked into love

and really that’s the true essence of 10 Things I Hate About You

he will grumble and bitch and moan about not wanting to watch a ‘chick flick’ when you put it on, but 15 minutes in and he’s hooked

he has strong negative opinions on literally every single character except for kat and patrick

(crosshair really really wants to think he’s patrick but when it comes down to it he is katarina stratford in every single possible way)

he doesn’t say a word throughout the entire movie but you can tell when he’s annoyed at like bianca or cameron or joey bc he will openly scoff at them

will absolutely hum along in your ear during the “can’t take my eyes off you” scene and make out with you during the paintball scene

(seriously he wants to be patrick verona so bad)

when it’s over and you ask him what he thought he’ll roll his eyes and say “i guess it could have been worse” but his little smirk let’s you know he enjoyed it a lot more than he’s willing to admit

Tech: 50 Shades of Grey

ok hear me out on this one

tech is a huge movie talker. like subtitles are a non-negotiable if you wanna be able to take in any of the movies dialogue bc tech is most likely gonna make commentary over it the whole time

this makes him absolutely indescribably so much fun to watch bad/corny movies with

he will go off about EVERYTHING. the plot, the dialogue, the acting, the costuming, the music, the production quality. nothing and no one is safe. whether you just enjoy letting him talk at you or you join in on the roast, cheesy movies are a hoot between you two

and honey. 50 shades is one of THE cheesiest movies ever

you and tech will literally spend the entire duration of the movie tearing it to shreds

and the thing is tech is a very sarcastic, funny guy when he wants to be (and when it comes to you he definitely wants to be) so by the end of it he will have you in absolute stitches from laughing at the ridiculousness of both the movie and him

with any of the other batchers watching a movie like this either turns into a shy, slightly awkward experience (wrecker, echo) or an incorrigibly horny experience (crosshair, hunter)

but in this context tech literally has no shame or squeamishness about sexual things (why should he it’s a natural biological process?) so to yall the sex stuff is just another thing to roast

literally christian grey could be fully tying dakota johnson down and flogging her and tech will be like “in the last 3 minutes they have panned up to her nipples 4 times. this is criminally shoddy cinematography”

even tho he’s busy giving a detailed play by play critique, he never fails to keep some sort of physical contact with you (wrapping an arm around you and running his hand up and down your skin, playing with your fingers or your hair) so you know he’s enjoying spending this time with you despite his nasty words about the movie

also 1000% after you watch it tech will do extensive research on the ins and outs of bdsm and will have lots of hypotheses he wants to test out (as long as you’re willing and able ofc) ;)))

Wrecker: 13 Going On 30

of all the bad batch members, wrecker is the only one who unabashedly loves any movie that could be considered a chick flick

like he doesn’t even try to hide it or act like he’s too masculine for it. he loves romance and he’s proud of it

this man will have full marathons with you. rom coms, regular roms, tragic roms, hallmark roms, you name it and he’s game

his absolute favorite tho is 13 Going On 30

i feel like he has a huge soft spot for childhood best friends to lovers stories like he finds that type of lifelong partnership so endearing (and he loves to live vicariously through jenna since that type of romance was obviously never an option for him)

wrecker is also very childlike at heart and i think the idea of a 13 year old sweetheart trapped inside the body of a 30 year old cut throat magazine exec is so amusing to him (and maybe makes him feel just a little bit represented in the media)

he is definitely the type to completely engulf you in a cuddle for the entirety of the movie and he DEFINITELY cries into your shoulder at matty’s wedding when jenna is crying on the stoop with her dream house

he wants to try razzles so bad. like so bad. i think if he ever came across them somewhere he would barter at least one of his brothers for them

wrecker really just loves love and watching movies about it just reminds him of how lucky he is to have his own love story with you <3

Echo: The Princess Bride

i feel like it’s glaringly obvious why echo loves this movie

pirates. sword fighting. decades long revenge plots. the value of an honorable, loyal man. true love that never wavers even in the face of devastating tragedy and the darkest of hardships. clever but goofy humor.

echo considers this an action/adventure movie and NOT a romance movie (even tho it 100% totally is a romance movie) and requests to watch it very frequently

he can quote the whole thing. i’m seriously telling you echo loves the princess bride with his whole chest

even tho he refuses to admit it’s a love story above all else, he really does try to model himself in your relationship after wesley

like especially given what happened at the citadel and all the time you thought he was dead, the cinematic parellels are alive and present in y’alls relationship and he strives to be even half the man to you that wesley is to buttercup

literally in your day to day life he will sometimes respond to your requests with a smooth “as you wish ;)” (it doesn’t matter how many times he does it it still gives you butterflies)

when you watch the movie, he snuggles as close to you as possible and does his best to make youre comfy the whole time (he’s insecure about his prosthetics hurting you no matter how much you reassure him they don’t)

he just loves to be able to feel your heartbeat and your laugh when you giggle at the funny bits

every single time without fail at the part when buttercup is about to stab herself he leans down, ghosts his lips against the shell of your ear, and whispers the line in time with wesley: “there’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. it would be a pity to damage yours”

every single time without fail you wind up making out until he pulls away and tells you to watch the next part when wesley challenges humperdinck to a duel to the pain

echo just loves you to bits and wants you to know he’d endure a thousand fire swamps for you

Omega: Clueless

i have this really specific obsession with omega being a total girly girl and having very traditionally feminine interests as she keeps experiencing the universe and being exposed to a spectrum of gender expression beyond clone (masc and boring) and kaminoan (ugly)

so with that headcanon of her in mind, it’s vital to me that she sees clueless as soon as possible

clueless is an essential piece of media for a girl entering adolescence and i will die on this hill

it has literally everything you want and everything you need to develop into a well-rounded young woman

it’s so deliciously 90s and glamorama and valley girl humor and camp. its got meaningful female friendships and valuable life lessons and paul mf rudd

if there’s one thing you should encourage a burgeoning hetero teen girl to do, it’s to stick to dating guys like paul rudd in clueless. the earlier this message can be broadcast the better

the second you’re able to steal omega away from hunters watchful eyes (“hunter we’re just gonna watch finding nemo i swear!”) you show her this movie

at this point omega is not really a girly girl, but omega also has absolutely zero feminine influence in her life

the first time she sees clueless she is absolutely obsessed. like seriously she is so enamoured with the glitz and glam of cher horowitz

she asks you questions the entire time. she wants to know about EVERYTHING. the makeup, the clothes, the hair, the slang

(she definitely goes around saying stuff like “i’m totally bugging” for long enough afterwards that almost all of the boys have slipped up at least once with some ridiculous valley girl slang. you thought you were gonna die of laughter when you overheard tech say “as if!” to wrecker in the middle of an argument)

it just really introduces her to this whole world of femininity that she didn’t even know existed and she absolutely loves it

she makes you watch clueless with her seriously once a week at minimum. she begs you to style her hair like tai’s and you can’t help yourself when you happen to run across a little yellow plaid dress and buy it for her on sight

(hunter was gonna scold you for recklessly spending credits until he saw how omega almost cried from how happy she was for the gift)

honestly she enjoys the romance of it all and paul rudd is def her first celebrity crush but she enjoys more that you and her now have this special thing of hair and nails and pretty dresses

she loves how confident and beautiful and special you’re able to make her feel, and you love that you get to bring her that small sense of normalcy and happiness

[drawlfoy]

Wonders of Ohio P.10

masterlist request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: no way 

summary: american high school senior y/n y/l/n is in for a surprise when her british exchange student is a little...odd. 

warnings (AYO please pay attention to these this time it’s not just swearing): swearing, underage drinking (no i do not condone this ig), beginning elements of smut but def not too explicit, i think you can consider it dubcon ?? if both people are drunk bc i don’t think you can actually consent if youre drunk (plz rest assured tho they are both 18 hehe)

a/n: “hey where did this come from” yeah so hey yall ive never written such an intense scene before but i’ve spent so much time w these characters that i decided i kind of had to. there’s no like...real sex in this and i don’t imagine that i’d describe it in this much detail if i ever decided to write it but um.. anyways. i hope y’all enjoy. thanks for suffering for this long ! i hope i’ve made it worth it 

word count: 4k

music recs: 

cloud 9 -- beach bunny

the adults are talking -- the strokes

anything from the strokes tbh 

tags ! :) @gruffle1 @missmulti @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan @nearly-memories @litty-dumb @callieclearwater @malfoy-wife15 @charlenasaxen @belladaises @fiantomartell @writeandtranslate @erisdogwood @loveissupernatural @sycathorn-slush @big-galaxy-chaos

“Thank fucking god for the generator,” said Y/N as she flew around the kitchen, banging pots and pans together in her quest to make New Year’s Eve breakfast. Draco was sitting, unamused and completely silent, at the table. They’d been snowed in for a few days now with her parents nowhere near able to make it to the suburbs. For some reason, the entire city of Cincinnati had decided that the day before Christmas was the best time to schedule maintenance on literally every single one of their plows. “Can you imagine living here without heat? Or power? I’d die.”

Draco hummed in response. A glance over confirmed that he was deep in thought, a scarlet colored letter clutched firmly in his hand (hello, Nathaniel Hawthorne). Jealousy curdled inside of her as her thoughts turned to a dark place--it was Pansy, that Pansy Parkinson. 

Knowing her intuition, she was probably his grandmother or something. Why else would she have written so many letters?

After she finished plating all of the pancakes, she allowed herself to sneak a peek at the envelope. 

Astoria Greengrass

She frowned. Astoria? She’d never seen that name before. 

“What is this?” asked Draco as he picked up his fork to poke at the pancake on his plate.

Y/N’s jaw dropped. “Have you never had a pancake before?”

“A pancake?” He gave his plate a stern look. “It looks...like a soggy pastry.”

“Fuck you, I made that,” responded Y/N. “Try it with butter and maple syrup. And then tell me it’s a soggy pastry.”

She took out her fork and knife, demonstrating very clearly what she meant as she spread butter over the top of her pancake. She’d learned that Draco was too proud to ask what she meant when she introduced him to American/muggle foods--the last time he tried to deduce something himself, he ended up pouring ketchup over the top of his hamburger bun instead of actually putting it on the patty. 

A sense of satisfaction flowed into her as she saw him follow suit, spreading the warmed butter and dipping a cut piece in syrup. He raised it to his lips, taking a delicate bite.

“Americans really have this for breakfast?”

“Yeah…is something wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just…” He grimaced. “This isn’t breakfast. This is dessert food.”

“God, your life must be so sad back home,” said Y/N. “What does your family make you eat--just straight unbuttered bread under the guise of it being a real breakfast food? Do they let you dip it in your unsweetened, weak tea if you’re good?”

He scoffed. “You have no idea how I live back at home.”

“And, judging from this conversation, I don’t have any desire to know any more.”

They ate in silence for the next few minutes. Y/N smiled when she saw Draco reach for a second pancake.

“Two desserts? Draco, I know it’s New Year’s, but don’t get too off the hinges,” she teased. 

He rolled his eyes, but she could tell her was fighting back a smile. “Speaking of which, how do you celebrate New Year’s?”

Draco looked up and met her eyes. “Sorry?”

“How do you celebrate tonight? With your family or your friends, or your...whatever.” The cold reality of the fact that she did not really know if he was dating someone back home set in.

“Oh, I don’t usually. It’s not really a big thing in the magical community,” he mused, unaware of her sudden panic.

“Well,” she said. “I always celebrate New Year’s with my friends. I didn’t tell you this sooner because I didn’t think that you were going to be here, but I’m kind of hosting a party here tonight. With anyone who can walk here.”

“Oh.” He took a sip of his tea. “Will it be like the Halloween party at Sylvia’s?”

“What do you mean?” She smiled. “Do you mean, will there be drinking?”

He shrugged in response, avoiding eye contact.

“There definitely can be,” she continued, her smile widening. “Last year we played this dumb drinking game over this card game--if you lost, you took a shot. It was fun. We could do that again.”

She settled down to eat, digging into two of the pancakes. They were really good--she wasn’t Gordon Ramsay by any means, but she did breakfast food pretty well. But at the mention of her friends, a realization hit her. “Oh. Draco?”

He raised an eyebrow and met her eyes.

“Um, can I tell you something?” 

He dipped his head in recognition while Y/N cleared her throat.

“So, um, I forgot about this,” she began, “but while you were gone, I kind of had to scramble to figure out what to tell everyone about why we were avoiding each other before you left. And why you left so suddenly and why I didn’t know.”

He was still watching her in curious silence. 

“So, I really didn’t want to slip up or say anything about...you.” Y/N paused to take a sip of her tea, deciding to not try to look at Draco again. “So I decided to tell Sylvia and Lizzy that I told you my feelings for you and you didn’t return them.”

A clang startled her enough to look up. Draco was staring, completely frozen. His fork had fallen into the syrup on his plate, handle and all.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

“I mean, oh, fuck. Um.” She smiled at him, hoping it was going to distract from her audible stumble. “Obviously, I made it all up. I mean, both sides! But what’s important is that they bought it, and now they’re probably going to give you a little shit for not liking me ‘back’. So I’m sorry about that.”

“Made it all up, huh?” His voice had a surprisingly teasing lilt. 

“Yes, that is in fact what I said,” she responded, hoping that her cheeks weren’t as red as they felt hot.

“Is it really now?” 

“Draco!” 

He rolled his eyes. “I’ll be back. I need a new fork.”

“Just wipe off the handle of the one you have now--Draco, why are you getting up? Stop!”

~ 

To her disappointment, none of her friends were able to show. Sylvia and Lizzy made a concerted effort to try and convince their family to let them brave the walk, but once another flurry started up outside, it was hopeless. Her face turned pink whenever she thought about the fact that she hadn’t even needed to tell Draco the thing that made her slip up in the first place. 

Y/N, disappointed but not surprised, told Draco that she still wanted to celebrate, even if it was just with him. He’d snorted at this--asking her why she made it seem like such a burden--but once she produced a yellow glass bottle and a deck of cards and told him she bet that she was going to beat his sorry ass, he caved.

She started with a heavy lead, but once Draco learned the rules and strategies of the slightly convoluted Go Fish game, he proved to be a worthy match. They played until around 11:45 when the bottle was about 3/4 full and Y/N was feeling the pleasant warmth of being slightly intoxicated. Once she noticed the time, she threw her cards on the table. 

“Let’s watch the ball drop,” Y/N said with no further explanation, even when Draco looked to her for one. She grabbed the bottle and his hand, pulling him up the stairs to her room. The remote control for her TV was a struggle to find--it was all the way tucked back in her nightstand drawer--but thankfully the channel was already set. 

“You forgot the cups,” Draco said, staring down at the opened bottle held in his hand.

“You can get them if you want,” she managed.

“You should! You forgot them.”

“Too far,” she whined, flopping to lean back on her pillows while Draco followed suit. His hair smelled like peppermint. Without much more thought, she moved close enough that their shoulders were touching. He didn’t move away--instead, he lifted the bottle to his lips and took a drink directly. 

“Your New Year’s traditions are weird as fuck,” he murmured as he watched Savannah Guthrie on the screen. He didn’t have to speak very loud for her to hear him, and it seemed like he knew this.

“Oh, you haven’t even heard it all yet,” said Y/N. “We’ve got a tradition to kiss someone going into the New Year. New Year’s kiss, I guess. I’m sure you can imagine the kind of drama that creates.”

“What d’you mean?”

“You don’t have to be dating to kiss someone, sometimes people just...do it. As friends.” Y/N reached over to the bottle and took a swig herself, feeling the warmth trickle down her throat.

“Take it easy,” he tutted, pulling the bottle away from her before taking another drink himself. 

“Hey! Says you!”

“Because I can actually hold my liquor well,” he teased, giving her a shove.

“The fuck are you talking about?”

“You just kept getting worse and worse at whatever that game was,” he told her matter-of-factly.

“Give it here,” she said, reaching across his chest to where he was holding the bottle, out and above his head. She hoped he couldn’t tell how much this side of him filled her with glee. “That’s not fair!”

“Not fair, huh?” He raised an eyebrow and met her eyes as he held it up even further into the air. His voice was startlingly low. “So what are you gonna do about it?”

Before she could muster up a response, the TV began playing the audio for the New Year’s Countdown.

10!

Y/N wasn’t sure if she was supposed to answer--or if he was just...flirting?

9!

He managed to set the bottle on her nightstand without taking his eyes off of her.

8!

The hand she had used to reach across him with was now pressed into his side of the bed, supporting her as she hovered over him.

7!

Without moving any part of her body, she dared to glance at his parted lips.

6!

Maybe telling him about the kiss tradition was a stupid idea.

5!

His hand, warm and soft,  reached up to brush a piece of hair away from her cheekbone. 

4! 

His fingers lingered on the outline of her jaw.

3!

2!

1!

He was kissing her before the cheers from the TV even had the chance to bounce around the room, both hands cupping her face and pulling her in so desperately that it took her breath away.

Her hands found his shoulders, then the back of his neck, and then, eventually his hair. It was just as soft as she imagined it to be. They started out innocently enough--closed mouth kisses and only their hands touching each other above the shoulders--but once she tugged on his hair (mostly by accident) something...shifted. 

Suddenly he was on top of her, and suddenly her leg was wrapped around him as he tilted his head, deepening the kiss. It occurred to her that this was no longer just a New Year’s kiss. He tasted of lemon and sugar--and was notably better at what he was doing than any of the people she’d kissed before. Or maybe it was the alcohol clouding her judgement. Regardless, she liked whatever was going on. His hands had drifted from her face to her neck to her hair to her shoulder, gently tracing the outline of her bra strap. She brushed her hand down his chest, pulling gently at the collar on his shirt. Only when his leg pressed up into her and her breath hitched did she realize the weight of their situation.

The way he pulled away to hover over her signaled that he’d had the same revelation, his eyes wide as he stared down at her. “Um…”

“Yeah?” Dread crept into her despite the pleasant haze she was in. 

He swallowed, hard. “I can’t believe I did that.”

Draco was on the other side of the bed in seconds, wringing his hands and keeping his eyes fixed on her floor. “Oh, my god, I can’t believe I did that. I’m sorry. I’m drunk and I’m not thinking straight. I’m so sorry.”

“Is something wrong?” She didn’t know if he wanted her to touch him, but she wanted so badly to place a steadying hand on his shoulder. “Did you not want...it?”

He scoffed and turned his gaze up to the ceiling. “I had too much to drink. I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” Y/N felt the blood drain from her face as she fell back on the bed.

That’s all it was. A drunken mistake. 

Tears pricked at her eyes as she surveyed her options. Despite the fact that she was drunk off her ass, she knew she couldn’t just tell him to leave without making her feelings clear. She never explicitly told him that she wanted him and it wasn’t like she moaned his name or anything--thank god--but what other option did she have? She didn’t want to cry in front of him, and if he stayed in her room any longer he would without a doubt witness her alcohol induced cry fest. 

NBC finally switched to ads, and Y/N granted herself permission to mourn the fact that Flo from Progressive would forever be ruined for her. 

It was dark enough for her to quickly reach up and wipe her eyes undetected, granting her enough confidence to sit up and look at him directly. “You don’t get to just...kiss me like that. I hope you know that.”

“I know,” he said. His hands were clasped tightly together and rested on his nose. “Fuck. Of course I know.”

“But you can tell me you meant it to be just as friends,” she told him, hoping he couldn’t see how hard she was fighting back a new wave of tears. 

“As friends,” he repeated, his tone flat. 

“As friends,” she said. 

“I don’t think either of us are daft enough to believe that.” 

Her stomach twisted. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe things are different in America, but I don’t see you doing that sort of thing with Lizzy.”

“We can forget about this. It’s fine. I know you regret it.”

He exhaled, his breath long and shaky. “I didn’t stop because I regretted it.”

“Then why did you?”

“Because…”

“Is it because I’m a muggle?” His silence was everything she needed for an answer. “Okay. I had a feeling.”

“Y/N, it’s not like...I don’t know how to explain it.” He still wouldn’t make eye contact with her. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“About what?” 

“About this!” he said, dramatically gesturing to her. “About everything!”

“I don’t understand.” The tears began pricking in the corners of her eyes again despite her best efforts. 

Draco finally looked at her. She was shocked by how genuinely distressed he looked--the last time he looked at her like this, she’d been laying on the ground outside of the antique sore. “I don’t expect you to.”

His tone was low, careful. He was holding back.

“Can you just tell me how you feel about me, then? Just so I know?”

“It’s not that--” He stopped himself, sucking in another breath before he continued. “I shouldn’t. It’s not right of me.” He groaned, flopping onto his back and covering his face. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Hey,” Y/N said, reaching out to awkwardly pat his shoulder. “I meant it when I said that we could just forget about it. We’re friends, Draco. Just friends. I know you didn’t mean it. Let’s just pretend this never happened, ok?”

He was quiet for a bit before responding. “Did you...want me to kiss you? Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“Uncomfortable?”

“As in, did you want me to stop?”

“Oh.” Y/N cracked her knuckles. “You didn’t violate me if you’re asking to gauge how guilty you should be.” 

“I’m glad to hear that, but that’s not why I’m asking.”

“Okay,” she said simply. He was still laying in her bed, and she hated the fact that her bed was going to smell like him until she washed everything. 

“So?” He raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t answer.”

“We’re friends, Draco.” She sent him a weak smile as she repeated her previous sentiment. “I trust you, so you didn’t make me uncomfortable.” 

She was aware of the fact that her sentence didn’t exactly track, but she wasn’t particularly concerned with the literary quality of her speech.

“That still doesn’t answer my other question.”

“I…” She felt her throat dry up. “I want--I wanted you to kiss me. I’ve wanted you to kiss me for a while now.” 

At this, he finally sat up and looked her in the eyes. She thought she could see the briefest glint of relief pass over his face before he managed to rein it back to a neutral expression.

“Did you want to kiss me?”

“I was the one who kissed you, not the other way around, yeah?”

“That still doesn’t answer my question,” she snipped, hoping he caught on to her mocking. She’d missed sparring with him. 

“Yes, I kissed you because I wanted to, not for some weird ulterior motive,” he responded, rolling his eyes despite the fact that his cheeks were clearly very pink, even in her dimly lit room. “Though I agree it’s best if we just stayed friends.”

“Yeah.” She felt her face fall, but she managed to catch it before she looked too devastated. “It’s all water under the bridge. Now we know not to drink together again.”

“That too.” He shifted, clearing his throat before making eye contact with her again with an uncharacteristically soft expression. “But the damage is already done, I suppose?”

“I suppose,” she echoed. “You wanted to kiss me? Actually?”

“Should we really talk about this? After what we just said about staying friends?”

“We’re going to feel regret tomorrow morning no matter what we do now, “ said Y/N. “Might as well.”

He smiled one of his rare smiles--the ones where his eyes went all soft and he dipped his head to hide it. “Yes. I really do. Want to kiss you, that is.”

“I really want you to kiss me,” she blurted out before slapping her hand over her mouth in shock. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” 

His smile morphed into more of a smirk as he crept closer, his hand resting on top of her knee. “So can I do it again?”

“Draco…” She sighed.

“The damage is already done,” he repeated as he reached his hand up to brush a lock of her hair behind her ear, his fingers dragging down her neck. The smug look that formed on his face after she drew a quick breath in confirmed that he knew what he was doing, that fucker. “You said it yourself--we’re just friends.”

“I’m going to hate myself in the morning if I say yes.”

 Draco’s hand drifted over her jaw, his thumb pausing to trace over her bottom lip. “You can hate me instead.” 

This time, it didn’t surprise her so much when he leaned in. He was notably less desperate, taking time to draw breaths in between kisses and lacing his fingers through hers, squeezing. Once he seemed satisfied, he lifted her chin and brushed the hair away from her neck, kissing down from her jaw to her collarbone. She shivered, and he drew her closer by wrapping his arms around her until she was sitting on his lap.

“Wow, you’re such a good friend, Draco,” she managed to joke. She could feel the smirk that formed on his lips as it passed over her clavicle.

 “Shut up.” His teeth grazed over her delicate skin before he sucked, eliciting a gasp from her. She could feel him smile again. 

His hands teased the bottom hemline of her sweater, his fingers tangling in the fabric but not moving it. She sucked in a breath, feeling his hands ghost over her skin. 

“Are you okay with…”

“Yes!” The answer came out much quicker than she would’ve liked, but the grin on Draco’s face made it completely worth the momentary embarrassment as he helped her out of the thick cable-knit sweater. “Now is your chance to dote on me and tell me how beautiful I am. As a friend, of course.”

“You stole the words right out of my mouth,” he said. He looked like he was positively glowing as she smiled and leaned in to kiss him, slow and deep. His hands found her back and hesitated over her bra clasp.

Before he had a chance to do anything, Y/N started fiddling with the buttons on his white shirt, successfully undoing the first two before she noticed that Draco had frozen completely.

“Is something wrong?”

“Kind of,” he said. “Maybe...not now, okay?”

“I had a feeling that was too much,” she admitted, reaching for her top before realizing he’d tossed it across her bedroom floor and suddenly feeling very exposed.

“It’s not that…” he said, trailing off. “I just...should probably tell you some things before my shirt comes off. And I don’t think tonight is the best time for that.”

“Oh.” Y/N tried to make herself look like she understood whatever he was on about. “Yeah, of course. Oh! Is it about that tattoo you tried to gaslight me into believing didn’t exist?”

“Y/N!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t gaslight you!”

“Here you go again,” she huffed. “I rest my case.” 

“And I am not getting into that now,” he said. “I didn’t want to talk about it for very good reason.” 

She reached up to his shoulders, dragging her fingertips over his collarbones and watching as he gazed up at her. “That’s okay. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

The corners of his lips turned up at this, and she took the opportunity to press a chaste kiss on the edge of his mouth. “I think we should go to sleep. We have enough material to regret for tomorrow at this point. Any more and I think we’ll be getting greedy, so--”

Draco cut her off with one last kiss, his fingers splayed out across her back, pulling her impossibly close before finally releasing her.

“Agreed.” He let out a sigh before sliding her off him and standing up to grab her runaway sweater. “Do you want to sleep in this? Or do you want me to get you something else from your dresser while I’m up?”

“Um…” She was frozen at the prospect of him watching her change clothes. “Probably something else. Top left drawer--just pick whatever.”

He sifted through her piles of random T-shirts before settling on one with the UChicago logo and tossing it to her. 

Y/N pulled it over her head, grateful for the fact that he wasn’t staring at her with only a black lace bra that barely did its job. 

“So, uh, I think I should probably go then,” he said. 

She fought the urge to ask him to stay. “Yeah, that’d be best.”

His mouth opened like he was about to say something, but he closed it and frowned. “So I guess this is goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Draco,” she replied. “I’ll look forward to agonizing over this in the morning.”

Once the sounds of his footsteps heading down the hall faded, she finally allowed herself to flop back onto her now Draco-scented sheets.

What the fuck just happened.

final a/n: hellooooooo ! it finally happened! i hope this didn’t seem rushed or unnatural to you guys but like. it’s been over 30k words and i thought you guys deserved something. yes i am going to be leaning into the whole “we’re just friends” trope while definitely not being just friends. yes i am going to drag astoria into this i’m excited i hope yall enjoyed

[moonlitceleste]

Note: This is literally just crack. That’s all it is.

So I was binging Try Guys videos when I suddenly remembered @kceedraws “Youtubers AU” (link here) where the Waynes have a YouTube channel and start making comedy videos like the Try Guys. And that’s when I had a thought...what if instead of them making videos like the Try Guys, they made videos with the Try Guys?

Okay, hear me out.

The Batfam is already a mess on its own; so are the Try Guys. Put those two together? Imagine all the wacky hijinks they would get into! The world would devolve into complete and utter chaos.

It’d still be Daminette (or maybe Timari, but I feel like Daminette would be more chaotic in this situation). Or if she’s not dating one of the Batboys, it could always be Bio!dad Bruce. Either way, Marinette would be just over 18 and already out as MDC. She’s basically Paris’ sweetheart.

Eugene and Jason might be similar, but have you imagined the absolute terror that is Marinette and Eugene? I mean, they’re both fashionable Asians who are somehow good at everything without trying. That duo could take over the world if they wanted to.

Also, we all know Eugene’s soft spot for kids, and even though Marinette isn’t technically one, she’s innocent enough to qualify. Sorta. Everyone thinks he’s corrupting her when she starts being innocently smug and increasingly Slytherin-like.

Oh yeah, did I mention Marinette is totally a Slytherin? Also, I know a lot of people HC her as LGBTQ+ so she could relate to Eugene in that way. And they could probably talk about their culture (or in Marinette’s case, how she feels about not knowing anything about it).

We all know Marinette and Jason are the ultimate duo, and since him and Eugene are so similar it’d be like,,, a competition of brothers.

The Waynes and the Try Guys would probably meet/collab right when the former are starting to dip their toes into comedy

They’d likely recreate the “Baking Bread Without a Recipe” video but with pairs. Marinette would judge and Eugene and Jason would team up. They’d add even more beer than Eugene did the first time but it’d somehow turn out good, mostly because Jason would know what to do based on all the times him and Marinette have baked together.

And like in the original AU, it’d be Dick and Keith, Damian and Ned, & Tim and Zach. I highly doubt there wouldn’t be at least some kind of fight that involves flour-throwing. Or in Damian’s case, bread knives.

Swearing galore

They’d def do the “insert squad name here Chooses My Outfits for a Week” video

Maybe they’d have a dance-off... or a sing-off... but the advantage would go to the Batfam

Videos of them doing embarrassing things at drive-thrus—especially Stephanie for some reason

And yea that’s all I got for now

Don’t ask me what this AU is supposed to be because even I don’t know at this point

[springday-aus]

Enemies to Lovers!AU with Xiaojun

—

Group: NCT [+ WayV]

Member: Xiaojun / Xiao Dejun

Genre: fluff, comedy, romance 

Type: Bulletpoint AU 

Word Count: approx. 2.4k

so, you’re Xiaojun’s enemy (he thinks of it more of his number one attacker tho)

it wasn’t hard considering he’s always on fight or flight mode and considering his friend group….

fight mode is always activated

(ง’̀-‘́)ง

so it started when you became friends with Ten

the guy is so sociable, so you were bound to meet him and his other friends someday

but jesus christ, there were soooo many of them

it was a party; he threw a literal party of just him and his friends

and then there were others who turned it into a rave (i.e. Hendery, Yangyang, Chenle and Donghyuk)

anyways, you got to mingle and make so many new friends

it was going really well

until Xiaojun entered the picture

things went well with him too, until you made a joke that didn’t exactly land with him

but it landed well with the others

Lucas: “who in their right mind would like mint chocolate”

Xiaojun: “but I like mint chocolate”

You: “then you’re not in your right mind lmao”

YangYang: “I mean, is Xiaojun ever in his right mind tho”

everyone laughs

except for one person

Xiaojun stood up, staring you down for a hot second, before trying to argue back

in which YangYang was the main responder

you didn’t really think much of it, laughing away with the others

but, to him, you just declared war that day

it shouldn’t have bothered him as much as it did

but it did

so, from then on, things just got rockier

bc he started picking fights with you over the littlest things or he would argue with your points no matter what

you didn’t really think much of it bc he was also being picked on everyone else and you were like

every man for themselves huh

it wasn’t until he personally attacked you

it happened on Halloween

and he made an underhanded comment about how he’d look better in anything compared to you

so you made a “friendly” bet

but then you lost

bc Xiaojun looked better in the Jasmine costume than you and he def knew it too

and when he smirked at you

the grudge had been built

that’s probably when the mutual enemy status circulated around your friends

although, if they’re being honest, it’s so entertaining

especially since most of them like to gang up on Xiaojun too

and because of that unity, it’s only made things worse

from what the others can tell

you two don’t hate each other, but you def don’t get along

it ranges to food (e.g. mint chocolate chip incident that NO ONE lets go)

Lucas: “mint choco ain’t shit”

You: “retweet”

Xiaojun: “the attacks”

YangYang: “we cannot trust a man who eats bread with fucking lao gan ma”

You: “you eat what with bread?”

Xiaojun: “shut up. all of you.”

to activities

cue you two fighting about what movie to watch

Xiaojun: “Titanic is a classic!!!”

You: “it’s a joke, there was rOOM ON THE FUCKING DOOR”

Xiaojun: “IT’S ROMANTIC. HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF SO SHE CAN LIVE.”

You: “THAT’S NOT ROMANTIC. THAT’S SUICIDAL, DUMBASS.”

this feud is def bc you’re both petty as fuck

the bickering is nonstop

but, if the nct boys are being honest

they’re lowkey confused bc Xiaojun is supposed to have a really high emotional tolerance

he doesn’t even yell this much at YangYang or Ten

(excluding that one time he hit YangYang with that pillow very hard)

but he does blow off his top when it comes to you

which is sus to a lot of the boys

whenever someone does ask him tho

he just kind of……………

mumbles underneath his breath and then moves onto something else

meanwhile, Yuta: “isn’t he always like that?”

Kun: “who wants to tell him”

lmao, I’m kidding

kind of

anyways, you two are really just going at it

what changes?

you have to go to the dentist and get your molars removed

which means someone has to take you and go pick you up

obviously, Ten was going to do that, considering you two were the closest

so he dropped you off and you had your surgery

so what happened?

welp, your buddy Ten forgot he had a prior engagement and, hence, was unable to pick you up

cue him spamming the groupchat

and Lucas exposing Xiaojun

Lucas: Xiaojun isn’t doing anything Xiaojun: you don’t know that Lucas: I do tho, go pick up (Y/N) Ten: I’ll buy you anything from that green tea cafe you like for a week Xiaojun: deal.

so he came to pick you up, both willingly and unwillingly

and you……. you were more than a hot mess 

you were just a mess 

you basically were just blacked out that entire time after they gave you the laughing gas and completed the surgery

so you remembered absolutely nothing.

your roommate: “this is what you get for doing drugs”

You: “IT WAS PURELY FOR MEDICINAL USE”

You: “IT’S NOT LIKE I DID CRACK”

either way, your roommate let you know of the situation, taking note of how your enemy had to take you home

which

again

no recollection

your roommate: “he’s fucking hot tho”

You: “ugh, I know”

but that’s also when you decided

Ten is a dead man :)

Ten: “I’M SORRY”

You: “YOU BETTER FUCKING BE”

Ten: “I KNOW”

Ten: “............................................but………………………………….”

Ten: “maybeyoushouldalsothankhimfortakingcareofyou”

You: “sorry not sorry, I’m contemplating murder rn”

Hendery: “what do you call a murder against a friend?”

Kun: “don’t”

Ten:

You:

Hendery: “it’s a homie-cide”

You and Ten: “NOT NOW”

anyways

you knew he was right

so after you calmed down, you went to Xiaojun’s place (thanks to Ten), with some sweets to thank him

Lucas opened the door, let you in, and left to go to the gym with Sicheng

Xiaojun came out of his room, a couple of minutes after, disheveled from his nap

and when he saw you in his living room couch, his eyes widened, darting around to avoid looking at you

You: “hi”

Xiaojun: “hello”

You: “why do you look so scared? I’m not gonna jump you”

he stays quiet, the blush becoming more apparent on his cheeks

You: “Ten told me you took me home after my surgery, so…………………… thanks”

Xiaojun: “he bribed me with pastries”

You: yeah, sounds about right

You: “still”

You: “um, I didn’t know what you would like, so I brought some sweets you can just go through”

Xiaojun: “thanks”

it’s silent for another moment and you consider bolting out from the apartment, Wizards of Waverly Place, Harper-style: “see ya in p.e.!” kind of a thing

but he speaks up once more

Xiaojun: “are you feeling okay now?”

You: “uh, yeah, my jaw still kind of hurts”

You: “but I have meds they prescribed to me for the next month or so”

he decides to stop beating the bush: 

Xiaojun: “so do you remember what happened yesterday?”

You: “to be completely honest, no”

Xiaojun: “you… did a lot of things”

You: “what do you mean I did a lot of things”

Xiaojun: “you also said a lot of things too”

You: “..... are these things recorded?”

Xiaojun: “maybe”

Xiaojun: “some”

You: “dELETET HEM”

you actually considered tackling him, but deemed as too Yang-Yang-like

You: “what did I say”

Xiaojun: “I didn’t realize you thought I was handsome”

You: “wait what?”

Xiaojun: “you said, you had a crush on my ‘fine ass’”

You: “you know what? I think I’m gonna pull a Jack and commit suicide, goodbye”

Xiaojun: “ah, ah, ah, you said like, which is… present tense”

You: “semantics”

Xiaojun: “but did you like me at some point?”

You: “does it matter?”

Xiaojun: “yeah, it kind of does”

Xiaojun: “bc even tho we bicker, it’s, like, our thing”

Xiaojun: “plus, you’re kind of cute when you’re threatening to rip off my eyebrows”

You: “I did what?”

Xiaojun: “it’s no different from how you treat me now”

You: “I thought it’s because you don’t like me”

he just kind of shrugs, rubbing his neck rather sheepishly

Xiaojun: “you’ve seen my friends; arguing is our way of showing our affections”

You: “so, you’re saying this is your way of telling me you like me?”

Xiaojun: “I mean………“

Xiaojun: “are you saying you like me?”

You: “are you saying you like me?” 

*cue another argument about who likes who*

eventually, he found a way to shut you up

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

cut to Lucas and Sicheng coming back from the gym to you and Xiaojun making out on the couch

Lucas: “NASTY”

Sicheng: “what did we…. miss?”

Ten somewhere: I fucking called it.

anyways

you both decided to date that day

and you two still bicker an insane amount, which includes you nitpicking Xiaojun’s tastes to Xiaojun refusing to delete those videos of you under the laughing gas despite your threats

but, the only difference is, your arguments can end with a kiss

and it always freaks out the guys whenever you do

Donghyuk: “I’m too young to be seeing this monstrosity”

Mark: “ngl, this is nice for them—they’ve stopped arguing”

YangYang: “I weirdly prefer them arguing over them with those sappy eyes tho”

You: “we can hear you”

Chenle: “but when have we ever cared?”

You: “I’m gonna beat your ‘01 liner ass istg—”

Xiaojun: “calm”

oh, you know what’s fun about your relationship?

you two can’t agree on some stuff right?

so whenever you have to decide something, say a movie or dinner, you two just heads-or-tails it

(there’s also this cute app where you put your options on a wheel and let that decide—the amount of times you’ve used that on your dates…… anyways)

most of the time, on these dates, you seem more like an old married couple and it’s super cute

it’s bc you’re already used to your worse sides coming out—the really petty ones, the screaming ones, the ugly ones

ofc these aren’t from serious arguments that occur

(remember folks, it isn’t healthy for you and your partner to always be fighting)

but when serious arguments do occur, you both take time to sit down and talk face-to-face

it’s hard to get into actual arguments with him, especially since he really is understanding and tries to pay attention to the smaller details

Xiaojun: “I like learning more about you”

You: “you can’t just say that kind of shit to me”

like, yeah, he’ll debate with you all night about why he needs to read the words of his book out loud but, by the end of the day, you’ll lay your head in his lap and listen to his voice as you fall asleep

speaking of which, you love listening to him sing to you

he gets a bit embarrassed sometimes about it, but seeing you smile so brightly at him makes him forget about it

because even tho you two bicker about little things, in the end, it just makes you two laugh at one another and how ridiculous you’re being

I almost forgot, so Ten thinks of him pairing you two off right?

so, whenever he does something annoying to either of you, he’ll constantly bring it up

Ten: “I guess this is how you two treat me, your personal cupid—”

Xiaojun: “yes, yes, we are grateful for you”

You: “but it would be nice if you would stop making those annoying sounds”

Ten: “what annoying sounds?”

YangYang: “that’s just you talking”

okay, no, but yeah—the nct boys are glad this rivalry is over because it was really just…. stupid to the core

but also bc you two look super sweet together and seeing you two making each other happy rather than annoyed is adorable

but just bc you two got together doesn’t mean the pettiness isn’t still there

You: “what type of freak sleeps with their eyes opened?”

Xiaojun: “I’m sleeping next to you, of course I need to keep both eyes open”

You: “RUDE”

Xiaojun: “and yet here we are”

You: “son of a bitch”

Xiaojun: “YOUR son of a bitch”

You: “eh, I’ll take it” 

[shunsuiken]

Hi could I request headcanons for oikawa and kuroo with an s/o who’s athletic? They also do competitive sports but it doesn’t have to be volleyball! Thanks a bunch!

aaaa!!!! oikawa and kuroo 🥰🥰 thanks for requesting anon <3

oikawa and kuroo having an athletic s/o.

—oikawa tooru.

there are days where you, oikawa and iwaizumi would hang around the court together after your club activities just chillin and talking about dumb shit

sometimes, before you head to the volleyball court, you buy some water for both of them cus they keep running ouuuttt bois r thirsty hoes.... literally

there are days where oikawa will feel happier than usual (could be because of a good practise match the day before or sth) and he’ll buy fresh juices for you to drink during break time and they’ll taste AMAAAZINGGG

after club activities oikawa’s gonna walk you home, stopping by the local convenience store first so he could buy his mf milk bread as a snack cus his stomach wouldn’t stop GROWLING jfc

when you both arrive at your house, he’ll like to hang out with you for a few hours, cuddling, giving you kisses and whatnot. on less hectic days, he’d stay over for dinner.

your family is used to his presence by now so they’ll greet him like hes family. and obvi oikawa’s gonna rub it in your face and tease you about it

on busy days where competitions are around the corner, you made sure oikawa wasn’t overworking himself and he made sure you weren’t skipping any meals from practising too much.

“y/n-chan!! i had a bento made just for you~” “oh!! thank you!” “don’t forget to eat okay??” “yeah i know” “y/n-chan i can’t hear you~” “i heard you the first time oikawa” “oh y/n are you blushing???” cue where you start chasing his dumb 180cm ass

“oikawa!!!!” “yes??” “here’s your water and towel” “aw, my y/n-chan is always so caring!!” “please shut up for one minute” “Y/N-CHAN SO MEAN” ngl you totally understood why iwaizumi looked like he lost his braincells after every conversation w this hoe 💀

did i mention that both of you like to pamper each other with home-spa ideas after competitions & difficult practise matches like its insane yall are so creative together

oikawa would apply a hair mask onto your hair and massage it, very skilfully, into your scalp to make sure your roots are well nourished too 💆🏻‍♀️✨

then you would manicure his nails!

you actually learned how to through a very questionable wikihow—either way oikawa wasn’t complaining when you were done so you must’ve done well.

“ooh y/n-chan i didn’t know you knew how to manicure nails” “i learned on a wikihow” “WHAT” “yeah... your nails don’t look bad though!” “Y/N BABY DON’T YOU KNOW HOW UNRELIABLE WIKIHOWS ARE” my dude you better start runnin🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

you two also love love love to buy sportswear together. sometimes you’d buy socks or tank tops for each other when feeling generous.

oikawa obviously buys matching sportswear—like any other aesthetically athletic couple—so you both could wear them during any after school practises or practise matches

AND he’d buy the brightest colours so you two would stand out because whats better than letting the entire world know that you are his by your matching sportswear ???

 —kuroo tetsurou.

you guys definitely work out together. either after school or during weekends at a nearby gym

on the weekends, yall plan to meet at either some time in the morning or later in the afternoon to workout

you borrow his clean shirts sometimes since they’re bigger and comfy to wear while working out

sometimes, just to tease you, kuroo will take your clean towel and wipe the sweat from his forehead on it

YOU WILL YELL IN TERROR BECAUSE THAT WAS A NEW TOWEL YOU HAD JUST BOUGHT JDNSJSJS AND BITCH JUST WIPED HIS SWEAT ON IT rip 💀💀

he’ll hyena laugh at your reaction because you’re literally so shocked, disappointed and your face just showed sheer panic

“babe... your face” he’ll wheeze thru his laughter

you’ll defs go to his matches and he’ll defs attend yours

yall CHEER FOR EACH OTHER and i’m not lying when i say kuroo’s gonna drag yaku, lev and the other volley members along if they’re free because he will

he’ll need a whole gang of cheerleaders if he wants to cheer on his #1 lady

“THATS MY BABYYYY” “KEEP GOING BABY” “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT” ***loud claps*** yaku and lev and whoever he invited will end up feeling the thrill of the game and end up shouting just as loud as kuroo

from the court you’ll spot them and you’ll want to laugh at them becus they’ll look so cute cheering for you and your team like that 😭😭 but you gotta to focus on the game,,,

when your team or his team wins, you treat the other for whatever food they desire

also KISSES !!!! when you’re happy from your team winning, he’ll see your genuine smile and want to SMOOCH the SHIT out of that face of yours ,,, but he’ll leave that temptation for behind closed doors ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

so he’ll kiss you out of nowhere when everyones heading out of the venue. he’d kiss your forehead, cheek, peck your cute lips—sis happiness looks great on you 🥰

the same goes for kuroo you’ll TACKLE him in affection, telling him how proud you are of him and how you knew nekoma would win

kuroo may play it off and act all cool about it, saying that he knew his team would win but this is just his trick to get more kisses from you and you’ll always fall for it no matter what

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 511

Ok so this episode is like the perfect embodiment of my love/hate relationship with the books. And the show, but since the author wrote it, the books too, and her writing/plotting in general. I hated the other episode she wrote so my expectations going into this were *rull* low.

This episode was like a series of character-driven vignettes, which is what I like most about her writing (and why I bother even sticking around): random scenes here and there that I really enjoy as standalone bits. But, in true Outlander fashion, it also like ticked a lot of the boxes for stuff plot-wise that I can’t stand. Namely, yet more violence against multiple women, Marsali and Fergus getting shortchanged, Lord John crossing just over the creepy line for a sec with Jamie and the situation with Ulysses’ legal status. It didn’t check the rape box, but we may have to revisit that next week. I sure as fuck hope we don’t have to, but seeing as this show never met a rape it didn’t think was ToTaLlY nEcEsSaRy to include... *preemptive sigh*

Show-wise this very much felt like a penultimate episode and in that respect it accomplished what it was supposed to. In the overall arc of the season though, much like when considering the whole book series, a few solid standalone scenes here and there do not equal a good whole. To be in this fandom is to be an expert in eating around the moldy parts of the bread to get a few nibbles of good stuff.

Anywho, SCIENCE!JIZZ 5EVA!

Fuck yeah PB&J, and Claire is forgiven for not mastering fluff yet. But fluffernutters are also a staple in any growing kid’s diet.

Poor burned girl. It’s not her fault she vaguely resembles a walker so I spent the whole time thinking about TWD.

Omfg I got like PTSD flashbacks when I saw that dress in the title card. KILL THAT DRESS WITH FIRE!

There may not be fluffernutters, but Bree and Claire fluff and Young Ian and Jemmy fluff are good substitutes.

This kid is adorbs tho.

They’ve been really blasé about mentioning time travel in front of folks this season. First Marsali and now Young Ian. The latter will be remedied, but I’m still lowkey annoyed that Fergus and Marsali aren’t brought into the circle of trust... Esp. when there was a perfect opportunity for it later on.

I cannot with men, tbh. Seeking justice for a daughter who’s been “dishonored” by killing the dude is like the most overused trope of toxic masculinity ever. And now we’re supposed to be all like oh look how relatable the Brown guy is! Because our tropey men wanted to kill a dude like that last week! Hard pass. Also, fucking his kid wasn’t raped, she loves a guy who happens to be married, but everything was super consensual. Sooo like double gross points for you, dude.

And yes, I know it’s ThE pAsT, but I am not in the past, I am in the present, and the show is airing in the present, so thinking this sort of behavior is gross is totes ok. So the fucked up squad of randos who always jump into my notes about how they like “their men to be men” can just shove it, ok? Ok.

They’re like really not subtle with the foreshadowing this episode are they. But then again, when has subtlety ever been a thing on this show. That’s a nice still you got there, shame if anything were to happen to it...

I’m really digging the decor in this living room.

Oh hey! They finally decided to stop pretending like Young Ian was dumb and didn’t notice literally *gestures* everything about Claire.

I’m still salty they never told Jenny and Ian in S3 tbh.

Shockingly, considering who wrote it, so much of this episode is directly from the books. So I’m sure the Cult of Herself folks will be obsessed. And like yeah, some of the stuff in this episode is some of the bits I really like from the books as individual little scenes. However! I know some in the cult will use this as a reason why the show should StAy TrUe To ThE bOoKs more. And please, for the love of fuck, fight that instinct. Parts of this episode aren’t good “because they’re from the book,” they’re good because they’re emotional moments between characters, which is where both the books and the show are strongest. “Sticking with the book” on everything would make an already not great show even worse. I mean, the show ain’t great, but thank fuck they’ve streamlined the book stuff as much as they have.

Yes, I did notice the Pamela easter egg from the book. No, I’m not one who gets excited about shit like that.

Aaand here we get the problematic af bit about Ulysses and his legal status. In the book, he was offered freedom and turned it down to stay with Jocasta. Which is twelve kinds of fucked up. Here, he *is* a free man and he chooses to stay and cosplay an enslaved person so he can chill with Jocasta? FUCK THAT NOISE. That is some “benevolent slave owner” bullshit. They don’t get overt with the Ulysses and Jocasta are banging stuff from the book, which is also epically fucked up considering the power dynamic and how a fuckton of men enslaved their own fucking kids because they’d raped the mothers and children take the status of the mother. I’m glad they didn’t come right out and say that. But it’s like lowkey implied and even if it’s not supposed to be taken as canon, having a Black man be given the option to get the fuck out of there and choose to stay with someone who enslaves other Black people is like some dangerous white fanfic nonsense.

Also, thinking about the slave/master relationship dynamic today really makes me wish I saw Jeremy O. Harris’ play while it was running...

Oh yay, Bree and Roger are actually leaving. Much like the Bonnet shit, credit where credit’s due, I’m glad they’re not dragging the will they/won’t they go out for another season.

Don’t sound so butthurt that you didn’t get to murder a guy, Jamie.

Poor Young Ian. Buddy needs a hug. And more screentime for his story. Like, do we really need something else traumatic to happen to Claire when we could explore family dynamics instead? This time with Young Ian and his wife and their Mohawk family?

THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER WAYS TO HAVE DRAMA AND CONFLICT THAT CAN TAKE UP THE RUNNING TIME OF A SEASON THAT DON’T INVOLVE CONSTANTLY PUTTING THE WOMEN IN PHYSICAL DANGER.

Lol at the thought of LJG “working the land.” Like, buddy, have you seen yourself?

“No doubt there a great many things I shall miss about being here.” Don’t make it weird bro.

Yes, I know he’s like gonna miss their friendship and stuff. But he’s always been just a smidge too intense about it. And by a smidge I mean the gay guy openly in love with his straight best friend a gross trope and I don’t like it.

Ok so if we’re following the “rules” of the show that the production used to recite ad nauseam to justify why Jamie and Claire barely seemed to even like each other for a few seasons (”they’re married, we don’t need to see them fuck!” “we already know they love each other, it’s a given!”), this sex scene shouldn’t exist. Because it’s really not essential to the plot. Which just proves the “rules” are and always were bullshit excuses. And the author/writer of this episode def spouted that bullshit too, so she can also shove it.

Because this scene *should* exist and those “rules” *were* complete crap. Because Jamie and Claire are very sexual/physical people and, especially when they’re going through things, use sex to center themselves where they are and in their relationship. Bree and Roger are leaving. Jem’s leaving. They’re sad about that. But they’re also happy that they made a family and got to be together as a family and are glad to have had that chance. (And, they just like to fuck.) So of course this is a good character moment. This is the kind of shit we should be seeing instead of just a constant barrage of plot and violence. And the crew can fuck all they off with their not at all convincing talking points about “rules.”

Also this is a much better use of sex than them constantly having them fuck after a fight instead of actually working through the issue between them.

Also, fuck yeah, get it gurrrl.

SCIENCE!JIZZ! (I’m gonna need a gif of Claire’s face when Jamie’s figuring it out because that’s gonna be in heavy reaction rotation.

I just love Claire fuck yeah science Beauchamp.

It’s also another scene that does nothing to advance the plot, but is a nice respite from the constant trauma. The show has yet to find a balance between the two, which is annoying af because they’ve had five seasons to figure it out. So like whenever there is fluff, folks pounce on it like starving animals. Which some in the crew (and some fans) like to point out like “see, you all like everything now!” Or “look, why are you whining so much, we gave you this!” Or “wow you hate the show but now you like this part? Hypocrite.”

But like, no, that’s not what it means. Not giving someone water for days and then throwing them a small canteen doesn’t mean everything is hunky dory. It’s still super fucked up. So no, enjoying the fact that there are a few fluffy scenes in an episode doesn’t mean the show is good. If they made more of an effort to center the characters and spread the fluff around a bit more instead of waiting until there was like trauma fatigue and throwing in a fluffy life raft, the show as a whole would be stronger.

</rant>

Ok it’s super fucked up they hadn’t told Bree about Willie yet, but I’m glad Jamie is the one who tells her.

“And it wasn’t a matter of love between us, but it was her choice, and that’s all I’ll say about it.” BECAUSE SHE RAPED HIM. COERCION IS NOT CONSENT AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT HOW “HOT” THAT SCENE WAS ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING AND THE PRODUCTION IS DISGUSTING FOR SHOOTING A FUCKING RAPE IN THE MANNER THEY DID. AND ALSO FUCK THEM FOR HAVING IT BE A RAPE IN THE FIRST PLACE WHEN IT COULD HAVE SO FUCKING EASILY BEEN CONSENSUAL.

This show is so fucking not good.

This scene with Jamie and Brianna is super nice, but like, we saw nothing of them building their relationship. He didn’t even fucking hug her after Murtagh died. The scene loses so much of what it could have had because they never did the legwork to show us what they mean to each other.

It’s the same old shit they pulled with Claire and Jamie. “Oh they’re together and endgame so we don’t actually need to show you them building and working on their relationship that much. Because you know they’re together so just go with it.” Like no? Fuck you? That’s not how this works?

FERGUS AND MARSALI DESERVE BETTER!

Of course Marsali’s preggo again. Why the fuck should she do anything but spit out babies. Also, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A PERFECT TIME TO HAVE THE FRASER KIDS TALK ABOUT TIME TRAVEL.

And Bree’s become a sister to Marsali? We saw one fucking scene of them together. See above rant. Fucking show us them becoming sisters. Sorry to interrupt your constant stream of violence and trauma, but fucking actually SHOWING characters building relationships instead of TELLING us they did the thing is how this is fucking supposed to work.

I’m rull pissed we never got quality Fraser kid bonding, y’all.

And ditto with this scene with Lizzie. We saw more of Bree and Lizzie than Bree and Marsali, but like we never really saw them becoming friendly post Bree’s rape and Rogergate.

All the goodbyes are like making me feel inch deep feelings because they’re rooted in nothing we’ve actually seen. And I’m not a Bad Fan or dumb for not filling in the feelings myself. I’m the viewer. It’s not my job to fill in the show’s gaps. It’s the show’s job not to have emotional gaps.

Oh hey! Another shitty man who hurts his wife and another woman trapped in a physically abusive relationship who thinks the abuse is her fault! On Outlander? Who’da thunk they’d have something like this?!

I’m so tired, y’all. So. Fucking. Tired.

I HOPE YOUNG IAN FINDS HAPPINESS TOO, ROGER.

Ok but for real, every time Lord John talks about how Willie and Bree are like Jamie it has that gross tinge to it. Like I know he’s not meaning it like a creeper, but they leaned so fucking hard into him being so into and not over Jamie that the layer of grossness is always there.

Also like, grannie and grandda, we got like one scene of Claire and Jamie playing with Jem. WE COULD HAVE FELT SO MANY MORE FEELINGS ABOUT THEM BEING SEPARATED IF ONLY THEY HAD TAKEN THE TIME TO BUILD THE RELATIONSHIPS ON SCREEN.

Claire making everyone PB&Js is fucking adorable and I love her.

Old timey forks will never not be fucking weird looking.

“And now it’s just you and me again.” Uh, Fergus, Marsali and Young Ian might be a tad offended by that sentiment, Clairebear.

Ok but like do they really think a rope is gonna hold up to fucking magic time travel rocks? It’s gotta just be like a mental security blanket thing, right? Because if not, loooooooooool.

Ok but the really just let their kiddo run off like that in the middle of the magic time travel rock circle? Dumbasses.

Ok but like what’s the betting they ended up in like a RenFest type thing and think they haven’t traveled but they have and it’s like lol look at them fitting in with their old timey clothes vs. skipping them going back to the future and doing the going adventuring around the even past-er past part but with them all together instead of Roger and Buck?

I’m just hoping it’s something completely different than the books because I have zero interest in Bree and Roger in the 20th century and hate the Roger and Buck nonsense with a fiery passion.

Erm, that’s a little close to the house to build a privy, my dudes.

Is the setting a guy’s dislocated shoulder thing supposed to be a cute callback? Because like hey wink wink, first she was kidnapped and then set a shoulder and now she’s setting a shoulder and then getting kidnapped is kind of a fucked up “joke.”

But how about we get more of Nurse!Marsali and less of Marsali just being constantly preggo.

“Sort of like the opposite of what you do when ya joint a hog.” I JUST LOVE NURSE!MARSALI A LOT OK.

Aaand now that we’re all good and docile little fans who have been placated with some fluff and Fraser fucking as a treat, we can go back to the regularly scheduled violence against women. Because we literally just had a violent abduction last week. So clearly it’s time for another.

Everything in this story has been done before...

I swear to fuck, if they do the thing I think they’re gonna do next week, I hope they get rightfully dragged by fucking everyone.

And if by some fucking miracle of Caitriona putting her foot down they don’t do the thing next week, they get zero brownie points. You don’t get rewarded for doing what you should have done the whole time.

And of course the closing is Jamie lighting Flaming Dildo 2.0. His men swore oaths to him, not any government or crown, and protecting his family has always been the top thing for Jamie. So good choice there with saving Claire being the reason he calls up the men.

[impossible-rat-babies]

Bless me with your OTP meme!

tysm for the tag @cullenvhenan​! I’m going to tag: @dickeybbqpit​, @trvelyans​, @apostatetabris​, @cassandra-pentughasst​, @thecosmicsleep​, @curiousstrawberry​, @star--nymph​, @veridium-bye​, @arlathen​, @lvllns​ and anyone else! go for it folks! :D

It’s Nerd Hours aka pollux n ortega hours

Do they fight often? If so, what is their dynamic like?

They bicker more than they fight for the most part, but it can be hard for someone to tell whether it’s bickering or if they’re truly being rude and mean to each other. It’s most difficult to tell with Pollux. They have a bad habit of fighting over the same things over and over again--Pollux not telling Ortega things he thinks he should know, Ortega being a dumbass, keeping secrets from each other, etc. They can both be bad at communicating exactly what is bothering them/what they want from each other, especially Pollux. He is prone to the passive aggressive crap that only makes things worse. It’s often Pollux on the defense and Ortega pestering him until Pollux shuts it down for good or he gives up. Depends on how he’s feeling whether he tolerates it or not.

Their bickering is harmless, often poking fun at each other in that friendly humorous sort of way. It’s all teasing banter they’ve done for years.

Who is the most skeptical of the two?

Neither of them? I mean they’ve both seen a lot of weird stuff and experienced a lot of it too. Pollux has horror stories of things he’s seen and even been through--his own existence as an example. But there’s not much room for skepticism in their lives when nearly anything could be true. It’s a world of superheroes and villains.

Who would be most likely to suggest a night of dancing?

Ortega, but Pollux rarely indulges him. He can go and do that if he wants, Pollux will stay at home with some ice cream and a pack of menthols, thank you very much. But if it’s dancing at home, then he’s more willing to do things. A few of his favorite memories are slow dancing to jazz music with Ortega when it’s just the two of them.

What would they do if the other was injured in battle?

Pollux doesn’t panic--panicking doesn’t make things better. Its immediate jump to solving the problem, making a plan, executing it and taking care of said problem in a timely fashion. Filter out extraneous information and get to the meat of the problem; he doesn’t always like his ability to do that since it was something he got taught on the Farm, but it definitely has his uses. Not to say that he hasn’t had moments of utter panic, but those were some real real bad situations like during the Nanosurge or fighting Castrofiend.

Ortega doesn’t know Pollux gets hurt sometimes until after, if he did get hurt at all. Pollux’s whole point is to not get hurt in fights, making sure he doesn’t get hit. Sidestepping around, ya know. But the times he has gotten hurt it’s definitely the “take care of the problem first, deal with hurt later.” It does set off a few panic alarms in his head, but that’s immediately channeled into focusing on the problem

Fun fact: the first time Ortega heard Pollux scream in pain was when the car fell on him during the Psychopathor fight. Not a pleasant sound that’s for certain.

How do their fighting styles complement each other?

“I distract and confound, you do the fry em alive with the whole buzz buzz electricity thing.”

It’s not the most elegant sort of way to do things, but it’s saved their hide more than once. Other times it’s Ortega getting himself into so much trouble and danger that Pollux has to sweep in and save his bacon. Or the other way around. Often the other way around--Pollux had a few times where he did things he really shouldn’t have done.

But there’s a grace to watching them fight together, like the muscle memory of how it is to fight with someone else close by whom you’ve trained with, know how they move from moment to moment in a fight. Knowing how to compensate for their weaknesses and compliment their strengths. Watching them fight together is almost as pretty as watching them fight against each other.

Do they want children? Does it frighten them? How many do they want?

Nah, nope, not at all. 

Even if they wanted children, Pollux isn’t physically capable of having children. It’s not like he gets a forlorn feeling of wanting to have children--it’s a very foreign concept to him. He doesn’t have context for what children are, what being a child is even like, what that is supposed to feel like to be a child. Even families are strange to him, but there’s def a sharp little ball of envy to have a nuclear family.

Besides they wouldn’t be very good parents. It’s enough to look after Ortega’s cousins and whatnot and look at their babies rather than care for their own. Ortega has plenty of cousins with tiny little humans. Pollux does find their little head fascinating to look at and to watch them go about their lives. It leaves him feeling punch drunk and sorta giggly if he spends too much time poking about in the heads of children.

What happened when they took them home to their families? If their families aren’t in the picture anymore, how do they feel about it?

Pollux is family [redacted] and we don’t talk about it

But! Ortega did take Pollux home for a few holidays at first and then would just visit Tia Elena without the social trappings of the holidays. The first time Pollux met Ortega’s family it was Christmas one year and it was nothing short of a sensory and brain attack. A lot of people, a lot of minds all running around, a lot of sounds, so much food, music too. It was a metric fuck ton of stuff going on and it was a wonder Pollux only took two breaks out on the back porch to smoke. It was all around an Experience to see what Ortega grew up in and what sort of family he had.

He much prefers to spend time with just Ortega and Tia Elena. They used to bake bread together a lot and Ortega has several happy memories and one or two photos of Pollux and Tia Elena dancing around the kitchen. They’re only a couple of the photographs where Pollux is genuinely smiling. 

How does each person show affection towards the other?

Pollux’s affection is quiet and soft, like how he is when he’s vulnerable and safe. It’s little things like sitting closer to Ortega than he usually does, letting himself be hugged, casual touches on his knee or hands brushing, kisses on the cheek, giggling and smiling when Ortega holds him close. It’s little smiles and him apologizing for once instead of carrying on with an argument. It’s all sorts of really gross soft affection.

Ortega gives Pollux the space he needs, lets him take his time. It was definitely something he had to learn how to do. Granted there was no getting past Pollux’s walls without being utterly insistent on getting to know him--not unlike taking a hammer to said wall. But he is more physically affectionate, wanting to touch and hold Pollux, scoop him up and hug him--kisses for sure. Much more words based too--he was the first one to say “I love you” after all. 

Who cries the most? Who is better at comforting?

Neither of them really cry, at least around each other. Pollux doesn’t cry so much as he has panic attacks that involve tears. But he’s only cried once or twice around Ortega and most of those times were panic attacks.

Ortega is def better at comforting even if that comfort is to wrap Pollux up and hold him. It works better now than it used to funny enough. He’ll also talk to him, tell him sweet things to soothe and comfort. Sometimes Pollux just has to tell him to shut up and just hold him.

Who is the bigger flirt?

Ortega ortega ortega ortega for sure. It’s all him on the flirting business. But that hasn’t stopped Pollux from having his moments where he’s the one flirting. The whole snappy one liner and a wink with a grin and then it’s off to the races on flirty banter. Anathema #struggled with them being like that for ages while never admitting they liked each other.

[cantfoolajoker]

the phantom thieves as dnd classes

ok as a dnd nerd who likes using class assignments as character study opportunities, im here to assign the thieves to some 5e classes and subclasses.

im putting it under a read more bc it got lengthy when i explained why i picked certain things.

so for starters, akira/ren is def a mastermind rogue imo. mastermind rogues flavor wise focus a lot on the concept of manipulating higher powers like rulers or high ranking members of society for your own cause. in akiren’s case, this falls right into what joker does as a phantom thief. the mastermind subclass over all also gives a lot of tools in order to just plainly not be yourself, which is something akiren also does a lot with how he presents himself.

morgana definitely leans on the side of the more radiant subclasses since he’s the manifestation of the hope of the people, so i pinned him as a divine soul sorcerer because of the innate divine energy resting in someones soul being a fitting description for him. this suits the fact that divine soul is actually a more healing based subclass ala a stereotypical cleric, giving morgana access to healing spells like he does in game, and at that, divine souls actually get an alternate form called the angelic form, which suits morgana having his cat form and his monster cat form. this subclass also references a lot of the people belonging to it are servants of the gods, which morgana is also referred to as. 

i feel like saying ryuji is a barbarian is like the small brain of this, and then i was like maybe a paladin? they do damage and stuff, but then i realized that tempest domain cleric is like right there, and that’s like his bread and butter. now i know what you’re thinking, dont clerics heal?, and let me just tell you cleric is such a versatile class you could have an entire team of clerics and so long as theyre different domains they could all functionally be different. tempest domain clerics focus on outputting dps in the form of lightning based attacks and also are one of the tanky cleric classes with getting martial weapons and heavy armor, so theyre expected to be super dps heavy, which is what ryuji does. usually gods of the tempest domain are patron sea gods that sailors pray to, which fits in with captain kidd and all that. these gods usually represent things like courage too, which is something ryuji has a lot of. also he def uses bludgeoning weapons just saying.

i threw around a bit what ann would be since her weapon doesn’t give much direction other than ranger, but i feel that a light domain cleric would fit her well. like i said in ryuji’s, clerics don’t have to heal constantly, but this gives ann the option of being able to like she does in game. light clerics basically automatically get most of the fire and light based spells in their domain spell list, covering ann’s biased toward fire based attacks as well with spells such as faerie fire, scorching ray, and everyone’s favorite spell fireball. gods representing the light domain promote ideas of renewel/rebirth, truth, and beauty which describe ann and her story pretty well. also it’s a fun contrast against ryuji as they’re the first two human party members.

okay so like i Know samurai fighter is a thing, but i also think yusuke would fit super well as a moon circle druid. druids overall focus a lot on old gods and magic- they’re described as being priests of old faith, which i feel fits yusuke’s traditional theme. moon circles mainly focus on using wildshape and can be very good at both melee dps and at tanking, both of which yusuke does combat wise. plus he’s called inari (the patron god of foxes) by futaba, he’s called fox as a thief nickname, and he wears the kitsune mask as a thief- if anything him Not wildshifting into a fox at this point would just be... well wild.

makoto gave me a headache since like, her fighting style does not translate well between melee punching and having a mount. i threw the idea back and forth with a friend and we agreed that a dex-based paladin multiclassed with a monk would be a good fit for her, since paladins get summon steed as a spell and also focus on the concept of being a justice holy servant while monk gives her the ability to throw actually good punches with a hit die. as for her paladin oath, two fit her very well between oath of the crown and oath of vengeance, with one focusing on upholding justice and society and the other focusing on punishing wrongdoers who step out of line with an iron fist, as both fit different aspects of makoto’s character and her goals. plus the religious undertones of the paladin class regardless mirrors the religious undertones she has as the priestess card and johanna.

so i had the choice of either leaning into being a navigator or letting her do her own thing, and i think futaba would probably be an alchemist artificer- which yes i’m counting since it’s going to be official soon. they’re all intelligence tinkerers with a knack for item analysis and can even create a construct for a companion, which futaba would probably adore if how much she loves cat morgana doesn’t speak its own volumes. they get things like infuse magic and can pull out combinations of concoctions from their alchemy satchel to do random things that range from damage dealing magic attacks like alchemical fire to creating field hazards like smoke stick.

since a lot of haru’s personal story focuses on her family, specifically her grandfather and her father, i feel that ancestral guardian barbarian is a good fit for her. for one she gets her big battle axe, but also it highlights a lot of the cold rage she has that isn’t touched upon, since raging as a barbarian doesn’t always have to be loud and yelling but can be silent and bone chilling too, which fits haru’s anger quite well. ancestral guardians focus a lot on heritage and using that heritage to buff yourself in battle, which falls in line with haru’s connection to her family.

finally nobody can tell me akechi isn’t an archfey warlock, especially one that’s pact of the blade. warlocks make connections with higher powers to get what they want, which whether you look at his relationship with shido or the fact yaldabaoth gave him his powers, he’s a warlock regardless. i picked archfey specifically because i feel akechi embodies a lot of the trickster fey elements over all, but also feylocks are buffers generally, which is a role akechi slots into quite easily. blade wise, a fey blade probably would resemble a toy saber with it being all mystical, which is why i can see him as pact of the blade. also, whether you want to argue he’s a charisma based warlock or an intelligence based one, he has both anyway. i also completely forgot to mention too that archfey’s given spells includes the calm emotions spell, which is just entirely ironic given what loki can do.

bonus: mishima is a valor bard, no i do not take constructive criticism. literally watch the final battle again and tell me he isn’t one. singing about heroes in order to inspire others and literally is the bard with the feat to give inspiration die mid battle? mishima.

[hiraethstill]

THIS WEEK AND LAST WEEK ON DAIYA NO ACE (7/16 and 7/23)

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!

7/16 LIVEBLOG:

IMMEDIATE assault by eijun's handsome face

and his DETERMINATION

every time the OP comes on im like where are the babies? THERE THEY ARE @ firsties

the way i GASPED

THIS IS HOW WE FELL IN LOVE WITH EIJUN I TELL YOU

haha poor audience member doesnt know sawamura is mostly good at swinging from the bunt stance

eijun... you have every right to be frustrated

ugh... the way he looks when he was a doormat to the ace... i feel this too much my chest hurts

"if i had pitched like furuya did today i wouldve been subbed out" TOO TRUE AND OUCH

HE HITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

THE BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGENDDD

AND JUST LOOK AT ASADA AND KUKI'S F A C E S

DOUBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

lmao did eijun learn to run bases from mochi? now i want this

uhhh the announcer was wrong? the STANDS were all cheering and happy, it was mostly the dugout that was surprised

bc this is level of trust he gets from first string sigh

sorry all my frustration is here

HAHA OKAY BUT why does this look gayalso sawamura's little "na!" with the pew pew is so cute wtf

his lil cheeky face in the corner im hashjdlkdgj

haruichi and toujou in that shot look like they'd been helping him practice batting and it paid off 

hslkhg eijun and his "hips!" i cant

KANEMARUUUUUUUUU

HELL YEAH TAKUMI NICE SHOULDER

nice eijun is safe

haha i never know who to root for bc i love all the bois

okay but

has anyone ever talked about how cool amahisa's eyes are???

i mean

look at this

so cool

yoooo wtf amahisa's voice in this part is really appealing??? damnn

so... kanemaru's a capable batter even if he's not top tier, why you gotta keep making him bunt

oh well, i like that face you're making kanemaru

noooooooooooo

it's okay kanemaru you did your best

cmon mochi bring him home!!!!!!!!!!

EIJUN ENOUGH WITH THE HIPS LMAO

yeah thats right mochi + other batters, give him the run support he deserves

AMAHISA THE DISASTER BI IM

"did he shave his eyebrows? he looks like a strong fighter" are you just checking him out

you'd want him to do those jump kicks amahisa

moon-face?????

omg i feel the tinglings... of a rarepair... amakura.....................

what was i saying about his EYES??

come the fuck ON dont leave eijun stranded on second!!!!!!

H

HHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MY BOISSSSSSSSSSS

SHOW ME YOUR FACEEE

(and u rite yall amahisa is yabai)

THERE BE YOUR FACEEEE

IM SO EMOTIONAL

AND HIS VOICE

FUCKLE

AND HIMSTDVEEE

whoaaa that slowmo pitching sequence!

HARUCCHIII

oh hello eijun upping the tempo and looking great doing it

wow this super HD sparkle miyuki

EIJUN IS BEAUTIFULLLL and lowkey this looks like the OP

ASADA AND KUKI MY SONS I WOULD DIE FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

BEING SO EXCITED ABOUT THE CUTTER KAI AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I ALSO LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

HLKDHFS AURA

okay sun we gettin a lil cap happy

another pretty eijun shottttt

WHOA 3D BALL

3D SLOWMO BALL

N* H* TT * R

i feel like i jinxed him sorry eijun

also i LOVE when the stands yell OSH OSH OSH back

wow toujou's voice was. so cute??

noriiiii i love you so much and thank you

furuya silently reflecting huh?

YO WTF IN THE MANGA NORI'S CAP COVERS FURUYA'S NUMBER WTF ANIMATORS ITS ICONIC

awww theyre all patting him i wanna pat eijun too

NORIIIIII YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS

kanemaru's eyes are gray??

kousei-san.......... mayhaps i have.......... Feelings about this

"gureato" man tahara is great

HLJSKDFHKGSFJGKFHDGLDF BLONDE AMAHISA

THIS IS JUST FUELING MY AMAKURA LMAOOO

WHY IS BLONDE HAIR IN MIDDLE SCHOOL A RUNNING JOKE IN ANIME

kuramochi, amahisa, hyuuga from knb, alla dem yankees

oh my god is that suddenly shaved head amahisa still in first year he's so smol

wow kousei is so eccentric haha i love it

YESSS BRINGING BACK MANAKA-BOY

omg yakushi cameo!!

wow this is so pleasant to look at and idk why??

his eyeeesss

and this too omgg

I SEE NISHINO

omgggg are they who i think they are

YES THEY AREANIMATORS REALLY BE FEEDING ME TODAY

sorry mimei that was too much tension in a single glance not to be homoerotic

go shirasu-senpai!

wellll shit, rip zono and rip seidou

142 pitches???????? are they throwing out amahisa's arm imma fight

YO OKAY BUT DOES THIS MEAN INAJITSU VS ICHIDAI

"that wouldnt be any fun" uh you do realize you're talking about a person's physical health right audience member???

the. ace. is. not. the. only. player.

its okay this is the peanut gallery they dont matter in the long run

omg are the first years wearing their school uniform slacks

AWWWW TAKU OFFERED TO CARRY SAWAMURA'S BAG

taku always worried about everyone and sawamura looking rather nice actually

HLJSKFDHGD AMAHISA'S FACE LIGHTING UP AT EIJUN

omg was that a little bow eijun made at amahisa before moving on?

"something i want to ask you" are you boutta ask him out amahisa

im sorry i love eyes too much

and also! eijun getting the recognition he deserves!! buuuut from another team rip

cmon eijun he's trying to be nice tbh

lmao koushuu and shirakawa should meet... resting bitch face club 

"i've never seen kousei-san take interest in another pitcher" THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS TO UNPACK IN THIS STATEMENT

LMAO HE DID HE DID ASK FOR HIS LINE

my sonsssss

yes asada and kuki, be free! go move around!

asdkfh i just squee every time taku

and these lines on koushuu look so nice??

intense son

scremmm

he's so happy and fired up to see koushuu fired up im

wholeass Sons™

lmao koushuu getting mad for sawamura

my inexperience... yes kataoka

teito and inajitsu coaches lmao

500K rivals to fwb to lovers

ive always thought kunitomo's neck crack is so funny

UHHHHH CARLOSHIRA REALLY TOYING WITH MY HEART HERE

THIS IS NOT OKAY

IM NOT OKAY

mochi looking mighty fine in this shot

aw... ejun sitting alone....

just wanna say oda and kuroki very lesbian in the ED

preview

ooh mei batting

sawamura and furuya watching so intently!!

INUI KENGOOOOOO

aw... eijun turning to harucchi for support

oh man third years...

SUMMARY (7/16):

eijun DOUBLES!! 

rip seidou tho 

amahisa's eyes??? pretty??? 

ATTACC BY INAJITSU CAMEO 

taku offering to carry eijun's bag + serious senpai face 

careful amahisa your gay is showing 

koushuu mad on eijun's behalf lmao

inajitsu vs teito next!

7/23 LIVEBLOG:

ah yes, that tension-filled mimei look

CAN THEY STOP TESTING ME WITH CARLOSHIRA SCREENS

ooh this parallel of mei and mukai #1s

why does mei look so young at bat lmao

rather nice shot of mukai tbh

omg that tiny background akamatsu is adorable

WOW i love this shot

hell yeah mei kicking ass and taking names

boi... what you doin

KANETOU RIGHTS

kuraharu rights too!!

wow mochi's voice, never over it

BOI ARE THEY JUST SHOWING SHIPS LOOK AT MINORI

lookit mochi bein a good senpai

ooh eijun finally said no huh

mochi and harucchi look so concerned tbh i am too

mm and miyuki and furuya too huh

WHAT IS THIS BLEP STAHP

oowada always cracks me up lmao

esp when mine is so grave next to her

oh so mukai likes gambling? im not surprised lmaooo

INUI-SANNN I LOVE YOUUU

THE BOIIII

HE

H E

H I M S T

omg the way tetsu says carlos sounds all proud and im soft

PRETTY BOIS DOIN J O B S

GETTIN THAT BREAD

omg two RBIs too good job shirakawa!!!

omg im so glad mei encouraged itsuki

have i ever mentioned

inui x mukai RIGHTS

ESP THIS SEQUENCE OF MUKAI (AND INUI) PRACTICING

BOIIII

that toujou face... some toujou and mukai art i saw comes to mind

DAMN THE IMAGE WHEN INUI HITS IM WOW

also is carlos actually wearing his compression undershirt holy wow

he didnt used to at least

ANYWAY INUI DINGERRRRRRRRRRRRRR

HELL YAHHH

omg was that a little tiger next to inui SO CUTE

oh my god "mei-san mei-san" too cute

LMAO TOO LONG

MEI I SWEAR

yoo mei you okay there

SLOW MO BALL

okay why does he look so good please

OKAY WHY DOES HE LOOK SO GOOD PLEASE

do you know how many times i had to rewind for this screenshot

shirakawa also looks good frustrated fuckle

mei stop shakin off signs dammit

ooh nice akamatsu shot

seidou shares one (1) brain cell in this screen

much too short a game damn...

ive heard we were robbed of itsuki's blush??? cause hello i need catcher catcher goodness with him and inui

omg... they're literal children

SSLKDFHLSKDHGSSTOPPPPPPPPP

IM WEAK OKAY

I KNOW IT

I ACCEPT IT

HOW DAREMSTDVE

AND HIS V O I C E

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF

hahaha anyway im just laughing at carlos being a momentary harada

"mei-san" !!!

mei x mukai... so chaotic

wow amahisa looks so nice???

lmao they really didnt HAVE to put harucchi in the bg when miyuki's talking to furuya but they DID

miyuki... looking at mei too long not to be homo there

eijun :c

oh man

that really hurt

the face of a SON tho

"so you are human after all" so many things i want to say about this

sawamura... doesn't seem to hold a grudge against furuya at all and honestly wow...

tho its def not furuya's fault i think thats a mark of him being pretty mature!

anyway im glad furuya wants to watch the video too

also nabe!!!!! i wonder how close eijun and nabe are and how many times eijun has bothered him for the videos haha

ochiai, a backup catcher... interesting

"he must overcome this on his own" do you know how many problems there are with this statement

yeah it wasnt fair

"for better or for worse" are you kidding

oh furusawa lmaoo

and nabe just patient over there

oh hello masayui and kanetou

anime fist clench

koushuu!!!

oh man miyuki introspection......... i know where this is going.........

appreciating sawamura's hard work and optimism!!!!!

HE IS READY DAMMIT

how many more times does he have to prove it to you

loveLY but also reused?

WOW IM EMOTIONAL ALL THESE MEMORIES...

ALSO THIS IS PRETTY DAMN GAY...

and the shadow of miyuki in the background... WOW

three months............. until the third years retire...........................................

im not okA Y............................

all the things this smile hides

preview

BOI YOU ALREADY PITCH THAT WELL

wow too many sons

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

BABY TAKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

AND BABY KOUSHUU

END CARD WITH MANAGERS AAA CUTE

SUMMARY (7/26):

mei kicking ass and taking names 

mukai and his fooken BLEP 

PRETTY INAJITSU BOIS DOIN JOBS 

INUI DINGERRR 

inui/mukai rights 

mei + mukai actual CHILDREN 

carloshira stop attaccing sun challenge f a iled 

eijun @ harucchi :c 

three months... 

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! 

[type-a-nomad]

ah, to be young.  Alternative Title: sometimes I’m a little crazy but only when there are no consequences whatsoever.

It’s March 23 and I don’t understand how the world is turning so fast that the days are just spinning by.  The thing that’s really drawing my attention to the days passing is that Tim is leaving very soon.  For me, he is kind of the person that sets the energy for this place.  He has been here longer than almost anyone and it shows.  He works as a kind of center for people.  A role model.  An example of the kind of person who volunteers at SAVE.  He was supposed to leave in a couple weeks, but things changed a bit and he decided to leave early to go visit friends in Germany on his way home.  It’s going to be a very sad goodbye, especially because the end of his stay here came as a bit of a surprise.   In terms of interesting things that have happened in the last few days, there haven't been that many.  We have had a lot of issues here with protests and riots in the townships that shut down our projects because it’s either too dangerous for us to be there or too dangerous to get the kids in and out.  It means I’ve had a lot of free time because project has been cancelled for two days already and could possibly be continued next week if the pattern of rioting continues.  Generally, what happens is there is a protest because of lack of resources and lack of understanding between the government and the people in the township.  Then, during the riots, people drink a lot.  The next day everyone is still drunk and the destruction continues.  The following day there are no protests, but the day after people start drinking again and the whole thing repeats itself.

One thing I’m very tired of here is drama and gossip. I’m in house 22 and it is getting so bad and generally stressful for me that I want to ask to be moved just so i don't have to think about that energy anymore.  The current issue has to do with Danni (again).  Basically, she was drunk on a beach and got in a fight with another drunk girl who went and told Robyn and Shannon that she feels threatened and now it’s a whole drama and Danni wants to leave the program and is a perpetually dangerous move.  She’s honestly a bully and it scares me to deal with her because she has no problem being mean to people.   Usually, bullies root their anger in their own insecurities and lash out at people because it makes them feel better about themselves.  Danni isn't this way.  She’s confident and sure of herself and doesn’t attack people for no reason, she just is amazingly aggressive if you push her buttons.  And, she has a lot of buttons.  She has very long toes, they’re easy to step on.  I’m scared of her, especially because a lot of my friends live in Dunbar and she has been obviously irritated and cold to me since I’ve been hanging out with her “group” less and less.  I have no problem standing up for other people’s rights and morals, but when it comes to person situations for me, I avoid confrontation at all costs.  Confrontation stresses me out and, even if the person in question doesn’t actually matter to me in any other situation, my brain has a real problem with thinking that people are upset with me.  I am tired of this feeling like middle school and I have an entire 3 weeks left, so I am just going to walk over to reception and say my problem and hopefully they transfer me (fingers crossed super hard). The people I actually like are at Dunbar anyways.  The only downside to Dunbar is that the wifi is horrible, but who cares.  I didn't come to Africa for good wifi.   Excluding that negative energy, I had a really really nice weekend.  I spent most of my time eating and dancing.  On Friday, I went to Big Bay and sat around on the beach with a smoothie with my friends.  The water was absolutely freezing and I loved it.  That night, we went out dancing and I had a fantastic time.  One thing I notice whenever I’m in public and music is playing is how obnoxiously bad pop music has become.  On one hand, there’s a brilliance to it.  People have found a formula that you can follow perfectly and get your song on the radio.  Further, they’re figured out that people don’t mind if all of your songs sound the same and only have about 20 repeating lyrics in them.  On the other hand, I have to listen to the shît these people are making and it drives me crazy.  The pop music industry rakes in millions of dollars a year.  There are actually talented artists that this money could be going to who give a shît about their composition and hooks and time signature and have actually done their research and turned on their brain before stepping up to a microphone.  In my eyes, it’s incredibly insulting that people listen to Selena Gomez or over people who make their own beats and have original thoughts that they then turn into music that actually sounds good and complex, even if you don’t understand the lyrics (e.g. Shoos Off, Kyle Bent, the Roots, Bleachers, Soccer Mommy, Mos Def, Samuel Larson, M.I.A, Abhi the Nomad, BROCKHAMPTON, just to name a few).  That being said, I can dance to anything that remotely resembles “music” if I really want to.  After we all got back, I sat with my friend Lucy in the kitchen drinking tea until 5am.  I felt like such a *youth*. We talked about life and why we came to South Africa.   I think I came here to travel and do good, but mainly to isolate myself from the familiar.  I wanted to see if I could find calm within myself and balance that with the ambition I already access easily.  It’s easy to feel calm and satisfied with where you are and stay there.  It’s hard to stay calm while still learning and improving.  That was the goal.  I think, with every day that passes, I get closer to realizing that goal.  I am becoming more sure of myself and my capabilities.  Further, my values are clarifying.  I am passionate about fighting for people who are in situations that make it very hard for them to have a voice.  That is to say, if you are poor African-American in Oakland, being an activist and arguing with people about causes like Black Lives Matter is most likely not the first on your list of priorities.  Safety and security are first.  If you feel like even law enforcement is a threat to you, why the hell would you have time to try and improve that situation— you’re just looking to survive it.  I think it’s too much to ask those people who are focusing on survival to try and make their general situation better on top of fighting their personal battle, whether emotional or physical, every day.  There are incredible people out there who are doing both, and that blows my mind.  Moreover, because I don’t have to go through a situation with that intensity, I think there is a certain responsibility that comes with, entirely by chance, being born into a situation as comfortable as mine.  That responsibility is to fight for and help those who were, entirely by chance, born into a less comfortable situation.   I will fight tooth and nail for those people.  I feel deeply that it’s my duty, because my own shît is generally taken care of.  I get to go to University and study something I love.  I feel comfortable calling 911 for help.  I get to marry somebody I love without worrying about the legal and social consequences.  I can kiss my boyfriend in public without others being offended and grossed out by my display of affection.  I don’t have to think about my race and how it affects my life.  I can open my fridge and choose something I want to eat from multiple options of food.   This brings me to another point: the privilege of diversity.  Until I started living alone, I didn't realize how luxurious variety is.  To have enough wiggle room in your life that you can do different things every weekend or night.  To have enough wiggle room in your bank account that you can buy two different kinds of bread and cereals at the supermarket without worrying about wasting food I can’t afford to.  When I live on my own, I eat the same thing for breakfast every day.  When I go back home to Berkeley, I get to choose whether I want granola or Honey Nut Cheerios, and that blows my mind.  When I go back home, Honey Nut Cheerios encapsulate luxury for me, and that’s not something I will ever fail to appreciate ever again.   On Saturday, I was functioning on 3 hours of sleep and my body went into full survival mode.  It was brilliant because I felt 100% fine, sort of how people who are about to die supposedly feel right after a car crash.  Like I had a pole shoved through my abdomen, but was walking around and saying that everything is peachy keen, because it felt that way.  I was invited by my new friends Leis and Tanya (both super cool girls who live at Dunbar, unfortunately Leis leaves at the end of the week) to go to the Old Biscuit Mill.  Because I felt totally fine, I pulled on some clothes and went.  I had the best steak sandwich of my entire life and it was fantastic.  Even though it was 11am and I had gotten no sleep, I still got my favorite watermelon mojito.  To justify this to myself I kept in mind that they put very little alcohol in it, it’s my favorite drink in the whole world, and it’s only sold on Saturdays (when the Mill is open) in Cape Town, South Africa.  Might as well capitalize on the opportunity.  After a few hours the other girls were super tired, even though I felt great, we decided it was time to go home.  Before we called the uber to go back, I asked if we could stop in this artsy jewelry shop that looked really cool.  When we were poking around in the store, we noticed they did piercings there.  I asked if I could get some new piercings, but the woman who was working at the register said she needed to get her boss to com in for that and that would take at least an hour and a half.  Now that I was in the piercing mindset, I turned to my friends and told them about a piercing studio in the city center that I had heard about.  For some reason, this really appealed to a group of absolutely exhausted 20-year-old women.  We got into the uber and went straight there.  

Today, was Sunday.  I hiked a mountain up to a cave on the other side of Table Mountain called Elephant’s Eye.  It overlooks the Cape Flats, which is gang land and the crime and murder rates are off of the charts.   It was absolutely gorgeous.  The walk up and down were a bit treacherous because it is way less popular than other tourist-y hiking spots, so it’s not as well groomed and the rocks have sand everywhere around them so everything is very slippery.  After the hike, I went into Muizenberg, which is like the cool surfer cousin in the family of the Cape Flats.  I had an amazing burger with lots of cheese on it, fries, and a chai latte.  After I had fully started my food coma, I took an uber home and started writing exactly what you’re reading now.  For dinner, I went over to Dunbar to get takeout with my friends because I’m super exhausted from the bad vibes in house 22.  It’s to the point where I genuinely don’t want Danni to be in the room when I get home.  

While I was hanging out at Dunbar, Tim turned to me and said “I have some bad news”.  Immediately I panicked, because the last time he had “bad news” he told me he was leaving over a month earlier than expected.  Also, whenever there is “bad news”, I get a feeling that I’m about to get in trouble.  I get kinda nervous and say “alright what’s up”, and then he has the NERVE to say “I’ll tell you later”.  I’m sorry EXCUSE ME?? Why the hell would you tell me that I don’t get to hear bad news NOW.  I was irritated to say the least.  I might do yoga, but patience still is not a particularly strong aspect of my personality.  When he finally tells me, it turns out he was messing with me the entire time.  The news was that he extended his flight and is now leaving on April 9th (my baby sister’s birthday!!!!).  This was the best thing that I had heard all day and I did a happy dance for several minutes.  Things are getting complex here, but I think that’s natural when you start living somewhere— the more you engage the more details and complicated things get.  I can handle it.

things I need to work on:

not eating so poorly ALL THE TIME.  I really need to teach myself that ramen and grilled cheese is not sufficient for breakfast and lunch. learn more kids’ names. plan a road trip get back to doing yoga every morning and just getting more exercise in general.

things i’ve been doing well:

enjoying life here going to the beach lots creating space in my mind. planning for university and this summer when I have time

- Q

[estuarries]

baby’s first liveshow commentary

hello lads i have decided to attempt doing @nihilist-toothpaste​ inspired video commentary/write up/review thingies!!!! welcome to ramble-y fun time

phil’s liveshow on august 10, 2017

his smile in the first minute makes my heart so happy i love him so much

i love the eye-tongue-eye emoji stop being mean to it

he’s a bit late bc he just finished filming a new ap vid!!! it took him longer than he thought it would to finish filming bc he was rambling. this is a #relatable brain thing

“i just said goodbye and now i’m saying hello again!” wrt filing and then doing a liveshow makes me rly happy bc i wouldn’t have thought abt it that way. i love phil’s brain

new vid clues: paper bag(?) and bubble wrap. amazingphil asmr part ii??

dan’s not joining the liveshow bc he has a headache but phil’s gonna hop into dan’s next one

closed eyes and happy gesticulation whilst telling sleepy-morning “unexpected window cleaning man frightened me” story

phil’s fight/flight/freeze response is freeze

“imagine if i had decided to make breakfast naked! ...if i was that kind of person…” its okay m8 we know u like to make nakey bro brunches w danyul

are the emoji pants the only pair of graphic pj pants he has now ??? why are they being featured so prominently lately ???? phil IS an emoji is the only phnnie conspiracy i can support now

in the ap vid phil did SCIENCE and REACTED TO THINGS (chemistry . reaction . hehe :3)

he’s out of tv shows to watch ….he and dan have watched so many series together over the years ..... i am emotional

phil hasnt watched in a heartbeat EITHER !! BLASPHEMOUS BOYES!!!

re: rick and morty. i strongly agree and it makes me so nervous that rick burps all the time i cannot focus on whats happening in the show bc rick gives me so much anxiety

he misses the cherry blossom tree in thehowlter’s front yard and they are hopefully going to put it in when they have money

“you’re all like dan! not everything has to be symmetrical!” thank u for these affirmations that not everything has to be perfect thank u for being chill. a chill phil. 

“i dont mind a little bit of wonkiness!” “i’m at a bit of a wonk!” “is the entire house wonky?” the only real phil branding is ~WOnKy~

phils hands are so beautiful???? i love them?????? @ 8:50ish

him trying to figure out his best side and saying “one? or two?” as options like at the optometrist when ur getting ur eyes checked. 

someone in the chat: “both!” phil’s cheeky grin/”don’t flatter me!!!” response

someone in the chat: “side three!” i snort laughed along w phil this is truly Good Content. dark!phil RISE

phil doesn’t think he really has a bad side and his easy neutrality wrt his physical appearance is dreamy. i love him and i love that he’s comfy w himself like this

phil had an eye infection and this is the first day he’s been without glasses…… why does he glasses-bait us like this …..

it’s really hard for him to concentrate with dilated pupils so that’s why he was being a wee bit wonky in the last liveshow

his eye is no longer infected and is “white and ready to see!”. the tone of his voice, his accent, and the phrasingof that reminded me so much of my british grandma who i havent seen in a few years and now i want to call her i miss her

wicked was “as the kids say...Wicked.” I SNORTED AKLHFAEIHKF

also i cannot believe that he and dan used the same silly phrasewhen talking about their opinions of wicked. is it still #copyrightinfringement if its your bf blatantly enterprising ur intellectual property?

phil was feeling a bit meh going into wicked but now he’s converted and a fan

he loved defying gravity :(

phil: every audience is important! me: crying

phil loves coming-of-age/college/highschool aus … Me Too

phil remix: the top fans to the tune of mad world “all around me are familiar faces...lillyphanstuff, joteleena…”

he’s had “mad world” and also that fuckin. ditty song stuck in his head

“...is one thicc bih - NO!” is the best thing ive ever heard

im so sad that phil hasnt experienced the joys of ditty. apparently he doesn’t have it downloaded and doesn’t really know what it is

14:07 is my new ringtone (he sang the ditty tune in “doot doot doot”s)

“bandicussy” IM DEAD

phil thought it was a good family activity to see dunkirk but it made his parents very emotional bc his maternal grandad was in the war

making your entire family cry is apparently the phil way to entertain

neither he nor dan understood the timelines of dunkirk upon first watch

after filming his ap vid he sanitized using vanilla cupcake hand sanitizer

he watches zoe’s bath and bodyworks candle/lotion hauls??????? ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

apparently b&bw has some ~priiiicey~ candles. phil is the coupon clipping, consumer reports reading dad

he said that livestreaming games on dapg would be “dope”. i am reminded for the millionth time that he is a 30 year old white man. i am moderately uncomfortable.

jk it was someone in the chat who said it he was just reading the comment

“hi to the ‘phan’s moving boxes’ group chat”

facterino according to the nature man on tv: in england nature has decided that it’s autumn already. this is evidenced by blackberries coming out in august. because fall isstartingso early they’re expected to have a harsh winter but its fine bc he is excited for snow!

some climate change discourse

he’s not a big doctor who fan but his fav doctor is david tennant

he’s excited for the “lady doctor” and i’m uh. not a huge fan of that wording

23:02 pre-sneeze noises and hand motions are Delightful

apparently it’s southern england peeps who pronounce scone with a hard o (scOHne) and northerners pronounce it with a soft o (scAWn). phillu doesn’t know which pronunciation he uses

my mom grew up in cornwall (and moved to america when she was a teen. i’m american btw!) and pronounces it the northern way. we’ve had the scohne vs scawn debate!! lots of #britishfamilythings in this liveshow

philly homework motivation song @ 24:52

his first response to ppl being sad about school starting in a week is to calculate how many seconds are in a week so they can re-frame their time left in a way that feels more plentiful. i love this ???

i also really love how he tries to read premium messages from different people every time. idk that’s just really thoughtful and as a fan i really appreciate it

he knows that black makes him look good …. GOodBYe

today is world lion day!

phil is the one who puts the funny/random holidays on the dnp calendars. of course it was but im still so happily surprised  

doinganap’s sicth/sixth discourse

he’s reading people from the chat’s bdays and telling them what funny holidays are on their birthdays! i love how he finds different ways to get ppl in the chat involved every liveshow. i appreciate him so much !like yeah i know its a marketing thing but let me pretend its solely phil’s care for us

he wants to go back to japan

he can’t read or edit and listen to music at the same time! me neither

someone asked what a good pet would be and phil went on a lil tangent about how it’s important to have enough time to take care of the pet you choose!! dont get an exotic pet or a breed of non-exotict pet that requires a lot of time, money, or energy to care for it if you’re not at a point in your life where u can take care of it to the best of your ability! <3

hedgehogs are one of the most common animals in the uk??? what the heck?

he can’t remember whether or not he’s seen a hedgehog irl so he texts mum lester to ask <3 why is this the sweetest thing in the world . like seeing a hedgehog irl would be an experience that his family facilitated or even if he was moved out when it happened it would have been so exciting that he def would have told kath about it. so any way it happened she would know about it. my heart is Warm.

he’s not a huge summer candle burner but as soon as it’s september he’ll be on the pumpkin spice train

mum lester texted back and apparently his grandparents had a family of hedgehogs in their garage and his granddad built them a little hedgehog house to hibernate in :( wow!

phil might play shelter 2 … with dan. No Thank You. let us have some phil-only time plz 

shelter 2 is more of an autumnal game so he might do it later when he can cozy up with some cocoa and herd the badger babies

he feels a coffee buzz after five (5) chocolate-covered coffee beans. r u sure u even drink coffee phil????

rye bread is worse (in phil’s opinion) than regular bread and is ”claggy”. i busted out laughing and texted my mom IMMEDIATELY bca LOOOONG time ago we were at a family christmas party with my dad’s extended family and all of the Adults were playing scrabble. my mom ended up spelling claggy and everyone else was like THATS A MADE UP WORD WHAT THE FUCK!!!! and my mom was like ???? no its not? my dad’s family is from the eastern us and had never heard the word claggy before and i remember my dad giving my mom shit about it for YEARS afterward because she caused such an uproar. idk if it was a regional thing or if americans just don’t say claggy but REGARDLESS. my mom and i had a good laugh over this description of rye bread and we both love phil

he’s nervous abt what dalien is going to look like and become as he grows up. phil’s general reaction to dalien has been one of caution and nervousness and idk ?? someone more thoughtful analyze that please

his advice for making the most of the last bits of summer: do something you haven’t done before! immediately after bestowing upon us this Wise Advice he giggles and becomes self aware of his parental tone. Our Dad Is Becoming Self Aware

he doesnt swear around his parents?????? my mom says fuck all the time :0

2018 calendar and season two pastel plushies are in the works!

he’s singing another song to list the top fans. suggestions include toxic, the ditty tune, and the tetris theme. he goes with the ditty song and starts laughing in the middle of it so makes a seamless musical transition to toxic

if everything recorded properly with his new vid we should see it in the next few days!

he hopes that we have a lovely weekend and that whatever we end up doing brings us a bit of happiness :( i love him thank u phil

tiny little bonus song after he covers up the camera. schrodingers phil.

all in all i love phil’s liveshows and this has been the highlight of my day. thank u for reading!

[fakesurprise]

Bends in  the Road

4.

I stand, manage something like a polite nod to the old woman. Noah has already stood and is on his way to the front door, and Wilbur stands as well. He thanks her for her information and we walk outside.

Wilbur holds up a scone he palmed and crumples it between his fingers, staring at the falling pieces of bread.

I eye the bread, then him. “Wil?”

“Nothing. Something. I know I missed something important in there, but I don’t know what it was.”

“She pushed at us. With Bob, Alvin,” Noah offers up. “She didn’t have to tell us that much.”

I glance about; no one is outside at the McTavishes. The front yard is large, recently mowed. There is a carport with a small school bus parked under it and two jeeps, and the sound of wood being chopped behind the house. I move closer to Noah, gesturing Wilbur to the other side. “Noah. It’s just us. You can talk,” I say as gently as I know how to.

He still flushes; this close it’s obvious with the shade of his ears if nothing else. “Sorry.”

“Noah,” Wilbur says dryly.

“Sorr – I –.” Noah licks his lips. “She was pushing at us. With knowledge she thought would would. My appearance. Wilbur being black. But she left out Wilbur’s weight except obliquely, and didn't touch on you at all?”

“I do pass for normal.” Noah just blinks a few times. “Okay. How don’t I?”

“Anya –.” I’m familiar enough to know he’s biting the inside of his bottom lip.

“Noah.”

“You move stiffly. Not all the time. You’re almost as thin as me, and I’m – thin. Too pale, with lines of pain on your face? If someone notices, they’d notice?”

“And you think Edith would,” I say.

He lets out a relieved breath and nods. “It was like how she went nice, to not nice, and back? As if being pushed and pulled herself?”

“The Outsider.” Wilbur glances back at the house. “It might be more skilled than we thought, or people are fighting its influence in strange ways.”

“My turn.” I turn back to the house. Pause. “No pain. Jennifer Smith was in pain. Edith is in her late seventies, but I’m getting no pain from at all.”

“I’m starting to think we should have no to the food,” Wilbur says.

“I didn’t know you knew how to do that,” I say.

He doesn’t return the grin. “There is magic in cooking. There could be more in the act of eating.”

“Like fairies?” Noah asks.

Wilbur nods. “Eat the food, stay with them.  It never made sense that you’d eat food fairies made and stay with them, but maybe it was never about fairies at all. It might not be that, but for her to be that old and you sensing no pain from just age – it’s at least odd.”

I’d make a joke, but Wilbur is a magician. They make connections. “We talk to the McTavishes. Hopefully they can connect some dots together.”

The other two follow me. Noah has his camera up, Wilbur slips into his role as we walk around the house. Two young man chopping wood. One is our age, the other about fifteen. I don’t recognize either, so I imagine they go to school in Appleford. Brothers, at a guess. The older brother has a rough, rugged look. The younger brother looks timid and confused, mouth in a thin line, eyes wide as he stares past me at Noah and Wilbur.

The older brother is watching all three of us, his expression stunned for a moment before he recovers. He sets the axe down and walks over, gesturing for his brother to get behind him. “Can I help you?” he says in the kind of country drawl you only get in bad movies.

“You can start by talking,” I snap.

He starts, looks down at me thoughtfully. “We don’t get visitors here, and definitely not those with decent-quality cameras. Interesting cameraman you’ve got, making sure people watch the camera?”

“Among other things. I’m Anya. The cameraman is Noah, that’s Wilbur.”

“Mark. My brother Paul.” Paul says nothing. “If you’re looking for permission to film things, da is going to say no. If you want us in whatever you’re filming, I’m gonna say a lot more than no.”

“You haven’t even asked what kind of video we’re filming.”

“Don’t know. Won’t care.” Mark McTavish shrugs. “Worst case scenario would get us famous. There’s nothing in the world that would make fame worth its cost.”

Behind him, his younger brother twitches. Not talking yet, but from his scowl he definitely doesn’t agree.

“We –” I begin.

Mark ignores me, turning his attention to Noah. “What resolution do you shoot in? What software do you use, who does the editing and how do you plan to handle the audio without a decent boom mike?”

“High def. Free. Me. Dubbing,” Noah says softly.

“So you have a Foley artist?”

“No?” Noah offers after a hesitant moment.

“Amateurs. Go make your shit somewhere else,” he says. “You could do silly faces, 720p, hits on YouTube, done.”

“We plan to use Patreon,” Noah responds.

“Plan to? Heh. I’ve done camera work. You don’t hold the camera like someone who knows it. And unless you don’t, I don’t know why the fuck anyone would have you as their camera operator even if you own the equipment and are free. Free wouldn’t be worth having to look at your face every –”

“Mark!” His brother’s voice is a sudden gasp of air behind him.

Mark tenses slightly. “This isn’t about you, Paul. Go inside.”

Paul moves around Mark to stare at us. Noah says nothing. “I – sorry. Mark gets – like this,” Paul mumbles, staring down at the ground.

Noah hasn’t moved. Aram taught him that, and his parents too I think. Words hurt him, but he does his best to make sure they don’t wound.

Wilbur steps forward, moving in front of Noah. “We aren’t here for a fight.”

“Lucky for you then, fat boy.” Mark pulls his brother back by the shoulder, movement swift and sure. “Get lost unless you want to find one.”

Paul stumbles back, still not looking directly at us. Secrets. Sometimes I get tired of them. “You want the truth, then?” I wake my talent up. Just a moment is enough, and even braced the pain from Paul shakes me for a second. Most of it isn’t physical. Mark, on the other hand. “You’re right arm still aches from an accident with an axe four months ago. A month ago, you lied about a trip to the dentist after chipping a tooth on popcorn.”

Paul lets out a sound. Mark stares at me, colour failing from his face. He steps forward.

“I have a talent for sensing pain. If you must seek truth so hard, I can do more than help with it.”

Mark moves. I don’t have to be Noah to see he was going to move.  

“I said I had a talent for pain. That’s not just feeling when people are in pain, or pains they’ve experienced.” Mark doubles over, unable to even scream. “It means I can cause pain. Especially when I’m in a bad mood.” I pause as he struggles to breathe. “I’m not even there yet.”

“Anya,” Wilbur says behind me, his presence even larger than he is.

I let my talent relax; Mark McTavish staggers and throws up violently to my left. He shaking and can’t seem to stop. I should probably feel bad for doing this. I don’t. Paul stares wide-eyed at me, mouth agape.

I meet his gaze and he jerks back, lips tight over the largest buck teeth I’ve ever seen, the gap between them enough to give a dentist nightmares. One truth found, at least. “We’re looking to stop weird shit; if you know about any here, we’d like to know.”

“What – what are you?” Paul asks. No longer mumbling, not hiding his teeth.

“Complicated. I hope. Sometimes not.” Mark stands slowly, coughing a little, eyes wide. He doesn’t move toward me, which is good for both of us.

“Becky. Our stepsister. She’s into wicca,” Paul says. “At the cemetery often. Not as weird as me.”

I snort. “Sorry, but you don’t count as weird. Where’s the cemetery?”

“Down the road, past the Truman’s. It’s a good two minute walk, set off the road,” Mark says.

I nod to him, herd back to Noah and Wilbur. We start walking. They’re going to follow us, that much is a given, but we probably have a bit of time before they work it out.

“That was risky,” Wilbur says softly.

“They rumbled Noah. I had to do something.”

“He could have had a gun,” Noah says. “He will next time?”

“Because I used a talent.”

“I don’t think so? You hurt his pride?”

I look over at Noah. “You think Mark might try and shoot me not because I did weird shit, but because I hurt his pride?”

“You act like it’s not all some people have,” he says, soft as usual, but meets my gaze directly.

“Aram teach you that?”

“No.” The no is quiet; I let it be final and just walk. I don’t think Noah means himself. I have no idea if he’s talking about Lia, or even his parents.  

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Atomic Blonde

Suck It, Daredevil

The Setup: Charlize Theron was the best action star of 2015, and two years later she may have just reclaimed her crown, in the solo directing debut of former stunt coordinator David Leitch (half of the duo who directed John Wick and some second unit stuff on Captain America: Civil War, doing their part to save Hollywood action scenes from subpar ALL THE SHAKY CAM AND ALL THE CUTS Paul Greengrass imitation). 

Heralded by possibly the coolest trailer of the year -- at the very least, the coolest that didn’t have a House of Mouse effects budget -- and backed by a uniformly stellar supporting cast including Sofia Boutella and John Goodman, Theron’s also making a decent run at James Bond’s status as Most Dashing Lothario Assassin, because why not. (And not just for straight dudes.)

In short, this has too many of RtS’s favorite things not to be an obvious choice for a Reaction. SPOILERS for Atomic Blonde after the jump.

KRIS: I guess I’ll open with a Caroline Framke tweet

MIRI: Please do

KRIS: https://twitter.com/carolineframke/status/891158770117685248

MIRI: I was really hoping it would be that one

KRIS: (The RT:like ratio, as of now, is 146 to 1200)

MIRI: Omg

I may be one of those likes

MARCHAE: LOL

KRIS: RtS is definitely one of those likes

MIRI: Can't remember if I RTd

Update: I did RT

very proud of my lack of shame

KRIS: Although I guess stabbing is really the least of what she does to some of those guys

MIRI: Carry on

Right

But there Is definitely some stabbing

KRIS: So this wasn’t, like, EVERYthing I wanted/expected it to be, but the “long take” fight alone is worth the price of admission twice over

MARCHAE: Yeah she is incredibly hard core (and trust that was not in the source material so i was happy they def. gave her some swag)

did either of you get a chance to read the text it was based on

KRIS: I loved that it was basically telling both Daredevil and Birdman to go fuck themselves

No

MIRI: Hahahahahahha 

No I didn't

I'm not nearly the fight choreography conosieur that Kris is, but I was so fucking into this

(Wow spelled that so wrong autocorrect was stumped)

KRIS: I mean I did not have any reservations about any of the other fights, it was everything around the fights that was kind of uneven

MARCHAE: go on

KRIS: Not BAD, but uneven

MIRI: Say more

KRIS: Pacing felt weird sometimes?

This felt longer than its runtime

MARCHAE: (yes that is truth..>YES IT DID)

MIRI: Yeah, I can agree with that

KRIS: Maybe a little twistier, plot-wise, than was really justified, especially since it end-loaded the twists

MIRI: Yeah, the last few minutes were a bit of a mind fuck and not in a totally earned way

KRIS: The sound mixing was VERY interesting, but I wasn’t always sure it needed to be so showy

MIRI: This movie is showy down to its bones

and some ways that works better than others

KRIS: Although it did add to the disorientation

MARCHAE: (re the twists the text was similar in that way…)

KRIS: The sound mix I mean

Like going back and forth between having music in a scene be diegetic and not

I did like the way they used it in the bar where Lorraine meets Delphine though

MIRI: I feel like it was better directed, acted, and choreographed than it was written. Does that make sense?

KRIS: When you assume the REALLY LOUD CLUB MUSIC is diegetic but it cuts out really suddenly when the guy (was it Bremovych there?) offers a light

Yes

MIRI: Yeah, that moment was very nice

KRIS: But I feel like pacing often comes down to direction

MIRI: Fair

KRIS: All the performances are definitely great

MIRI: Seriously, all of them

MARCHAE: hmmm that’s interesting - I think that comes back to the writing - if the story has pacing problems - then that’s ultimately a structural problem with the story, no?

MIRI: I especially loved Lorraine’s German contact

KRIS: I think editing can have a lot to do with pacing too

MIRI: And obviously Theron, McAvoy, and Boutella

I think it can be any of the three, or a combo

MARCHAE: yeah… i thought about that as well @kris

MIRI: They all need to be good for it to work

KRIS: Did you feel like it at least played fair with the audience for most if not all of the twists?

MIRI: Yeah, I would say so. Things felt justified to me

KRIS: I felt like I got lost two or three or five times but at least some of those seemed to be deliberate and then I had “ohhhh” moments in act 3

MIRI: Hahahah which ones?

MARCHAE: Yeah, I think it is supposed to be a bit of a mystery  which is kind of nice

KRIS: God I don’t even know, there’s was a lot happening

But the one I’m still confused about is that I don’t remember what happened to the guy who killed Gascoin

MIRI: I was secretly hoping you’d name them all so I could refer to your superior memory

Ice pick to the brain, right?

KRIS: Oh, my mistake, it is Gasciogne

I’ll take your word for it

But there were several Angry Bearded Men

MIRI: I think that was the same angry bearded man

He had the list and was going to sell it

to the watchmaker man

MARCHAE: Oh yeah

MIRI: and Percival ice picked him because Gasciogne was his friend

KRIS: Oh man I totally thought Marton Csokas was playing Bakhtin but IMDB tells me I was wrong, I guess it was just two Angry Bearded Men

MARCHAE: HA!

MIRI: Shit, who was Bakhtin? Is that ice pick head?

KRIS: Yes

MIRI: I need to open the imdb page

Ok, Bremovych was the one who beat the guy in the warehouse, right? And smashed the boombox?

KRIS: Oh wow Gasciogne was [played by] the stunt coordinator [Sam Hargrave, who also doubled for Chris Evans in Captain America: Civil War]. Did not recognize him with his (not-angry) bread in the post-show interview

not-angry beard, not bread

And yes

MIRI: WHAAAAATTT???

KRIS: Bremovych was the boss

MIRI: He looks SO different with long hair and a beard

KRIS: He was EXTREMELY Angry

MIRI: Holy heck

Also, he grew that beard so fast!!!

KRIS: That scene could have ended sooner

MIRI: Yeah, wasn’t my favorite

KRIS: Not even for the brutality, which was partly offscreen, it was just one of the pacing things where I was like why is this happening

MIRI: Yeah, it dragged a little

And it wasn’t at all shiny

Like, even when things are grungy and bloody in the rest of it, it’s shiny

MARCHAE: so this is my last time brining up the text … it was very similar to me in that way

so similar that indeed some the dialogue came straight from it

MIRI: (not literally, like stylized)

Guys, go to Til Schweiger’s imdb page immediately

Not only is he a fox

KRIS: Like awkwardly long, you mean, Marchae?

MARCHAE: I wasn’t surprised to  see that it did have pacing issues - i honestly think that they thought they would make up for that with the action scenes.

MIRI: Apparently he’s Germany's best-known actor and also the country's most successful director

(He’s the watchmaker guy)

MARCHAE: @miri - WOW!

@kris what do you mean the text

KRIS: That scene in particular

MARCHAE: so here’s the thing… she doesn’t fight AT ALL in the text

in fact i think she fires a gun once

MIRI: WHAT

WHAAAATTTTTTTTT

That is a significant change

MARCHAE: and as far as other acts of violence it was literally like a few gun shots if i remember correctly

KRIS: Like is Bremovych’s introduction just panels and panels and panels of kicking noises and pained reaction shots?

MARCHAE: not even…

MIRI: And makes the fact that they stayed so close to the text in other ways fascinating

MARCHAE: it is incredibly slow and much of the action, similar to in the film would be in the last couple of dozen pages

MIRI: What?

MARCHAE: legitimately i believe they slayed her out made her tough because otherwise it would have been a historical drama

and that would have been an entirely different film

MIRI: Also because the director is a stunt guy, probably.

MARCHAE: it was not an excited graphic novel (GN)

exciting*

that’s why i thought it would be interesting to read and see the movie i was like wow this will be an awesome comic

and it is if you are interested in historical GN about russians ( I am not generally)

but I was expecting LOADS of fighting

nope

so to see that on the screen made the film 1000000 times more enjoyable

MIRI: Nice

I really really loved that the fight choreography wasn’t Sexy lady Fight Choreography

MARCHAE: but they definitely compensated for the other shortcomings which i thought was this weird desire to stay close to the source in terms of story but create a film that would be able to kind of catch some of the wind that was left behind by the other female centric films of the summer season

ok that’s all

YES

MIRI: They were deliberate about the fact that she was smaller than most of the guys, yes, but she fucking fought

She took hits

MARCHAE: i also love that she’s not young

or incredibly frail

MIRI: She was brutal and they were too and it was amazing

KRIS: Lorraine getting the shit kicked out of her was definitely the distinctive thing

MARCHAE: that made the back of my knee caps hurt

but she held her own and prevails

MIRI: I do have the tiniest quibble with the fact that they kept her unmarked from fights that totally would have bruised/scraped her up in the beginning because they needed her in sexy club outfits

But past that point they did a nice job of letting her be marked by the fights without being afraid to make her less pretty or whatever

KRIS: It gets you invested in the character AND gives Lorraine the character development/revelation of having the stronger will, as the stunt guy put it

I guess I assumed she was using makeup to cover stuff up early on?

MIRI: Eh, I don’t 100% buy that but it also doesn’t super bother me

MARCHAE: i don’t know that it registers with me much… i think because she’s so battered at the end …

doesn’t she soak in a tub of something at one point?

KRIS: I think the ice bath is just at the beginning, which is advanced in the timeline of the story

MIRI: Yes, in the beginning bookend she’s in her AMAZING giant ass tub filled with ice cubes

And she does something similar in Berlin

All of the tubs in this movie were giant and I want them

The Berlin time was where you got the cool underwater shot of her face in the neon light

KRIS: Oh right

MARCHAE: i just never quite figured out what it was that she was able to look mostly okay…

i thought it was medicinal but i guess it was just ice

MIRI: Well she did do a bunch of makeup after that

MARCHAE: also it was an incredible shot

MIRI: And it couldn’t hide everything

Which? Neon Berlin bath or opening London bath?

Both were cool but I’m assuming you meant the London one

MARCHAE: the blue one?

MIRI: The one they used in the trailers, where she then adds some of the ice to her drink?

MARCHAE: YES

MIRI: Yes! That was very cool!

With the perspective flip and all

M: And the bathtub is SO BIG

MARCHAE: it was so good

so i know you all mentioned earlier that it wasn’t shiny

KRIS: There was a lot of playing with perspective in the cinematography

MIRI: Only that warehouse scene

(re: not shiny)

MARCHAE: gotcha

MIRI: The rest totally was

which I mostly loved

And to Kris’s point--yes! Most of it very cool

MARCHAE: sorry i was just going to add that i thought it was a sexy looking film

which i suppose also goes to kris’ point about cinematography

MIRI: The one I think about most is the sexy one, actually--the cut from them making out in the club to the sex scene

(which again, they used in the trailers a lot)

(well, the red band ones anyway)

MARCHAE: i did like that

KRIS: I feel like there were also a lot of reflections

Like when she’s leaving Delphine’s apartment near the end

MIRI: Yes! God that one broke my heart

MARCHAE: (side note…there is no Delphine in the text)

KRIS: And for awhile it’s just two Lorraines and I was like “hmm this is unnecessary” and then you see Delphine

MIRI: well, Theron did say that she’d need a Bond girl if she ever played Bond

KRIS: I think having a female love interest was actually the writer’s idea

MARCHAE: OhHHHHH

MIRI: That makes me so happy

MARCHAE: yeah it had to be because it didn’t exist… it takes the place of another relationship or is ore of a composite

I liked it and I thought it made the character much more interesting and gave her more than we generally get

MIRI: As does the way Theron has addressed Lorraine’s bisexuality in interviews

I was really afraid that it would be a surface level portrayal of bisexuality

KRIS: “I remember sitting in a room one day thinking about how do you make this different from other spy movies,” Theron says. “It’s really hard. Who is going to be the love interest? Kurt, who’s a punk rock writer, suggested she falls in love with a woman.”

http://ew.com/movies/2017/04/26/charlize-theron-breaks-down-her-steamy-love-affair-in-atomic-blonde/

MARCHAE: Nice!

MIRI: I was afraid she would have an emotional connection to the dude and a purely sexual, over-sexualized connection with the girl

But it was not that at all

MARCHAE: no - i mad that delphine died and i think bugged by how she died as well

KRIS: But I also liked that the emotional connection wasn’t really just “whirlwind romance” but also ended up being about Lorraine mourning what being in “the game” does to people

MIRI: I am angry that Delphine had her damn headphones on when she knew someone might come and kill her

that was dumb

MARCHAE: **snaps fingers @miri and @kris**

MIRI: Kris, that’s a really good point and I agree

MARCHAE: i wished she’d been able to fight more i think. 

AND YES MIRI DUMMMBBBBBBBBB

KRIS: It at least didn’t feel like a fridging, though, in that Lorraine’s motivations weren’t really changed and she never had like a breakdown scene or anything

I think on some level there’s an expectation of a Sofia Boutella character Kicking All of the Ass 

but at least to me it was important to the story that she be green

MIRI: (btw that’s not to say there aren’t bi people who are bisexual and hetero or homoromantic or to cast shade on them! It’s just a very often a very stereotyped portrayal in media)

KRIS: She’s on her first assignment and “only been here for a year” vs. Percival, a station chief, having “gone native”

MIRI: Yeah, it did mostly work for the character

and I liked that she was green and in over her head

It made her a very nice foil to both Lorraine and Percival

KRIS: Especially with Lorraine being allll the way on the other end of the spectrum as a triple agent

MIRI: How old is McAvoy?

KRIS: 38

MARCHAE: born 1979

MIRI: Oh, he’s a bit older than I thought--he’s only 4 years younger than Theron

I thought he was more in the middle of her age and Boutella’s

KRIS: Boutella is also older than she looks

35

MIRI: Holy crap she is

born in 82

Wow, I would have said mid twenties

I’m so bad at ages

MARCHAE: I didn’t realize she was as old as she is!

KRIS: I do think mid 20s is what she’s playing here

MIRI: Yeah, seems like

Can we discuss the outfits? Because they are amazing

MARCHAE: OH MY GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

I turned to my friend and said i need to start dressing like all of these women! it was its own character and kind of a love letter to the era

MIRI: Lorraine’s commitment to GIANT sweaters/tops with no pants is AMAZING

MARCHAE: YESSS

YESSS

KRIS: (To go back for just a second, my objection to “whirlwind romance” definitely applies to couples of all configurations -- it’s the one thing that doesn’t totally land for me in Casino Royale)

MIRI: It says SO much about her

KRIS: I did like that as a consistent choice

MIRI: She’ll dress however she has to for work

But whenever she can be, she’s COMFY AS HELL

MARCHAE: and i appreciated it and she fights in a hoodie i think at one point

MIRI: I mean she still looks amazing, but no pants, giant shirt

Yes!

MARCHAE: although i didn’t love that she was perpetually in heels!

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

my feet hurt for her but that’s an aside

MIRI: Yeah, I feel like some flat ankle boots would have been better

MARCHAE: although am glad she can work it that way

MIRI: But I do believe that she would do it

KRIS: Yeah

MARCHAE: kudos to the women who can fight in heels

oh yeah all the marvel women seem to do it

KRIS: I also thought Theron was taller than me, but she’s the same height

MARCHAE: how tall is that?

so our readers have a frame of reference :)

KRIS: I think we’re not actually supposed to notice most of the Marvel heels though

I’m either 5-9 or 5-10

MIRI: Kris wants to remain mysterious, Marchae

or not

KRIS: IMDB lists her at 5-9 1/2

MARCHAE: LOLOLOLOL

miri i thought the same

(we aren’t?)

MIRI: Not sure. We might be supposed to just accept that that’s how superhero women look

Like Barbies, with their feet always arched

MARCHAE: interesting

KRIS: (I feel like they’re mostly to make Johansson and Smulders tall enough to make framing shots easier? I don’t know though)

MIRI: I think that’s definitely part of it, if not all

I’m just being snarky

KRIS: Gamora being the (infuriating) exception

MIRI: I like to play to my strengths 

Ughhhhhhhh readers, please refer to our Guardians Volume 2 reaction for more!

Percival’s sense of dress is batshit and amazing

He wears sweater vests as shirts

And his giant coat!

MARCHAE: LOLOL

KRIS: Hard to go wrong with a good giant coat

MARCHAE: (ok another book spoiler… Percival is an older man who’s always in a trench coat- ALWAYS)

MIRI: Whaaaaaat

Is he all wily and gone-native?

Does he drink Jack and hide things in his fake cast?

KRIS: I loved the fake cast

MIRI: It was brilliant

MARCHAE: well yes and no.. he has no cast at all he’s completely in tact because there was not a ton of violence and he is a bit what’s the word not aways nice

the fake cast was great!

MIRI: Does “a bit what’s the word not aways nice” mean he was a dick in Marchae-speak?

MARCHAE: LOLOLOLOLOLOL

KRIS: I know this wasn’t McAvoy’s first Fun Role but it was the first one I’ve seen him in

MARCHAE: yeah he kind of was

MIRI: He’s fun in First Class!

KRIS: I guess First Class-era Charles Xavier has a little fun but he pretty quickly has to do the Mentor thing

MIRI: Fair

KRIS: He’s fun until he gets his doctorate, basically

MARCHAE: I DID NOT REALIZE THAT WAS HIM IN ELENOR RIGBY

KRIS: Yep

MARCHAE: get the heck out

I liked him in Split

he’s kind of a good actor

KRIS: He rarely gets to do his own accent (Scottish)

MIRI: I LOVE his accent

MARCHAE: (HE WAS ALSO GNOMEO!!!)

KRIS: Oh he’s great, I’ve been a fan since pre-Chronicles of Narnia

MARCHAE: oh my word i am learning of all these movies i’ve loved him in and didn’t realize it was him

wow then i guess i Love him too

thanks gang

how cool!

MIRI: He’s amazing in Atonement

KRIS: I wonder if I should’ve seen Victor Frankenstein

Probably not, but still

MARCHAE: lol

KRIS: Does someone want to talk about the music?

MARCHAE: it was it’s own character and definitely a love letter to the 80s i appreciated it as a detail that was paid particular attention to in the film

MIRI: I like 99 Luftballoons

MARCHAE: and i sometimes watch people when i go to the movies which i know is weird, but you saw a lot of people dancing in their seats and lip singing to it

KRIS: Is “love letter” enough of a reason to do something though?

MIRI: Just in general

MARCHAE: it was cool

KRIS: I liked the use of covers

But maybe post-Baby Driver I’m a little oversaturated on the whole “music as a character” thing

MIRI: I mean, this whole movie is kind of a love letter to its aesthetics

KRIS: Also partly because the composer for this is the composer on the Guardians movies

Which do the same thing -- heavy, showy music supervision, totally forgettable original score

MARCHAE: I don’t know Kris - I think maybe it is sometimes because you interact with people on a different level

MIRI: Yeah, I couldn’t tell you a single thing about any of the original score

KRIS: Say more MM

MARCHAE: I think because i was very young during the time in which the film is set, but the music triggers memories of what was happening, so now in my mind i am going back saying -yes the Berlin wall - and not from something I learned in class - but instead at home as a kid - but it’s because the music triggered that more than the image necessarily… also because of the kind of tv i was watching as a kid so like the cartoons

KRIS: I will say that the near-oppressiveness of the soundtrack in most of the movie made the music-less long-take fight that much better for the contrast

MARCHAE: but then you ALSO now get to engage those people who maybe weren’t sold on the movie at least now excited about how it sounds and what will be next

KRIS: I guess that makes sense, but what does it have to do with how I interact with people?

MARCHAE: I think as a writer/director you are interacting with all of my senses (save smell but I’ll even argue that)

so i hear how it, what it makes me think of after the fact and why

am i dancing in my seat and saying thats my jam

or i loved it

i think that kind of thing

KRIS: Oh, so when you said “you interact with people on a different level” that was the general You, not You-Kris

?

MARCHAE: yeah general you

not you KM

sorry i should have been more clear

MIRI: The English language is imperfect

KRIS: I’m curious to see more movies from both David Leitch (this) and Chad Stahelski (the other John Wick director, who directed JW 2 solo)

Because I want to know if Stahelski is a better solo director or if there’s something else behind the pacing differences in this and JW2

I mean besides the obvious genre difference

MARCHAE: (aside number 554 from marchae - i need to watch JW and JW2 )

MIRI: I need to watch JW2

KRIS: I keep forgetting MM hasn’t seen the first one, especially ever since we realized she loves action movies

MIRI: I keep forgetting that amazing fact

❤️ 

KRIS: (WATCH HAYWIRE)

MIRI: (WE WILL AT SOME POINT I PROMISE)

KRIS: I feel like somehow we haven’t said enough about Charlize Theron

KRIS: (WE DON’T HAVE TO REACT TO IT I’m just saying)

MIRI: (ALSO I MIGHT FINALLY BE READY TO WATCH BLAICK SAILS)

MARCHAE: (I WILL)

MIRI: Let’s talk about Theron

Because she is AMAZING in this movie

KRIS: She definitely holds the whole thing together

If the performance had been a few notches less confident I would’ve gotten bored

I think

MARCHAE: she is brilliant

to go back to the text she gives that character so much LIFE

KRIS: I mean even just the button on the first interrogation sequence -- the pause before and the delivery of “Fuck”

MIRI: People laughed out loud at that moment

MARCHAE: oh yea

she has this kind of wit about her that i love and she’s coy which is awesome

and she freaking in her 40s

KRIS: That was one of the more successful uses of a dragged-out moment

50 is the new 40, not to be a cliche

MIRI: Are people saying that?

KRIS: Even more than John Wick this made me think of Banshee, which also has a 40-something female action lead (though she’s not THE lead)

MIRI: I mean I endorse it wholeheartedly

KRIS: I mean just in general with regard to __ is the new __

MARCHAE: LOL

MIRI: Between this and Proud Mary, I’m all in for movies about women old enough to be my aunties killing people with great skill

KRIS: I’m always going to prefer hand-to-hand to gunfights (and gunfights to car chases)

MARCHAE: And doing so unapologetically it’s about time we get to see women use their bodies in ways that are indicative of strength

i do love a good car chase that ends with a fiery crash

MIRI: @Marchae YESSSSSS YES YES

MARCHAE: those are cool

MIRI: @Kris, how did you feel about the Atomic Blonde car chase?

KRIS: It was fine, and it wasn’t really about the cars was it?

Unless I’m forgetting a car chase

Which I would believe

MIRI: Ah, so you mean you’re not into Baby Driver car chases (as much as gun fights, at least)

KRIS: Right

MIRI: No, it was more cars as blunt weapons and gun shields, not a drag race or anything

KRIS: BUT there is a fun little Charlize Theron car anecdote in the Anne Helen Petersen profile I posted earlier

MIRI: About her in the Woody Allen movie?

Oh, I’m mixing up movies from that profile

KRIS: ...I think I am forgetting a car chase

MARCHAE: HA!

MIRI: From Atomic Blonde?

MARCHAE: she also learned a lot of her own stunts

MIRI: Or something else?

KRIS: Yeah

MARCHAE: There were two

KRIS: When you said it I was just thinking of Percival chasing the car Lorraine had gotten into when she landed

Jesus Christ Kris

MARCHAE: YUP

MIRI: Ohhhh, I forgot about that one

MARCHAE: i was just typing that

with the shoe

MIRI: I was talking about the other one

K: I guess I blanked on it since it’s part of the oner and especially because we never leave the inside of Lorraine’s car 

KRIS: Start looking for the name 87 Eleven a lot more, I think

MIRI: I did like the shoe thing

KRIS: They’re the stunt/action design people

MIRI: They did damn good work

MARCHAE: they were really good!

KRIS: This and the John Wicks

Also a “Special Thanks” on Power Rangers?

MARCHAE: ok i get it… I’ll watch JW 😊

MIRI: Huh

Maybe they consulted

KRIS: Stephanie Beatriz started training there recently, not for a part but to get in shape for potentially being an action hero

MIRI: WHAT

KRIS: She’s posted a couple of “I’m dying” videos to her Instagram story

MIRI: she'd be good, too. She has dance training 

I need to watch more Instagram videos

KRIS: I feel like we’re running out of steam but we have to go back to the long fight

MIRI: Pause for a sec, grabbing my laundry

KRIS: I felt like a lot of the apartment fight was in the trailers so I was a smudge concerned the same would happen in the stairwell

While we wait, here’s Jessica Chastain punching the air:

https://twitter.com/jes_chastain/status/891493560993947648

MARCHAE: LOL

yes

they were both brilliant fight scenes!

KRIS: I absolutely will not accept The Huntsman as the only time Jessica Chastain gets to be an action hero

MARCHAE: she’d make an amazing superhero!!

KRIS: Especially because that was such a stunt-double-heavy character

She’s in talks to be in the next X-Men as a Space Empress

But I don’t think she’d get to do much fighting

MARCHAE: dang! i’d love to see her kick some doors down

MIRI: Ok I’m back!

And I fully support Chasten as action hero!

*Chastain

KRIS: So a bit of this fight is the very first thing most of the world saw of Atomic Blonde

Which obviously turned out to be the smartest possible trailer move

(Maybe “most” is an exaggeration)

MIRI: Right, but the sheer length of it is not something you understand from the trailer, which is nice

KRIS: Yeah, basically the trailer part ends before Spyglass gets his little comic beat

“Two more”

MIRI: Because it means you don’t lose the impact in the moment by showing it in the trailer

KRIS: And I was like “Aw, only two more?”

MIRI: Loved the Spyglass beats

KRIS: But then everyone just... kept... getting... back... up

MIRI: that one, and him doing the tape in the apartment

MARCHAE: RIGHT

MIRI: Yeah, she has the most will, but they all has a LOT

KRIS: So hang on, have either of you watched Daredevil?

MIRI: especially bleach blond guy with the neo nazi haircut

Key-face

KRIS: Or at least that fight? You know the one even if you haven’t seen it

MIRI: I have only watched part of the first season

Not that one, not

*no

MARCHAE: I starting watching part of the first season

MIRI: I’ve heard of the fight you mean

MARCHAE: ( I actually liked it and am not sure why I didn’t keep going)

KRIS: It’s the end of the second episode

MIRI: Same!

Oh, then maybe I did and I’m just blanking

huh

KRIS: We don’t need to watch it right now but the salient points are that it’s maybe still the best fight scene TV has ever had

And does a similar thing with exhaustion

MIRI: Oh, interesting

KRIS: But they tried to one-up themselves in season 2 with a longer, flashier oner

(Which incidentally also involved a staircase)

But without the exhaustion bit

MARCHAE: Nice!

MIRI: Staircases are good. They give new height differences

KRIS: And it’s Cool and all, but feels much emptier as an exercise than the first one, which is confined to one hallway

MARCHAE: I liked seeing them on the stairs there is also a new element of danger and stakes … like if i fall or get thrown over…

KRIS: Which is why this fight in Atomic Blonde felt almost like a direct response

MARCHAE: ohhhhhhh

KRIS: And specifically a Suck It, Daredevil

I mean I don’t know if it actually was

But I enjoyed thinking it

In that Daredevil s2 fight Matt just absolutely owns everyone who comes at him

Which can be cool

MARCHAE: now i really want to watch

KRIS: But the back-and-forth and the exhaustion justified the technical showiness in AB

MIRI: I liked that Lorraine was really good, but wasn’t Impossibly Better Than Everyone

KRIS: Also really liked the commitment to improvised weapons

MIRI: Key-face is super good too, she’s just got more will in the end

I love that

MARCHAE: Yeah that was brutal

MIRI: The hot plate!!!

KRIS: And the shot revealing the corkscrew, and the audience reaction to seeing the corkscrew

MIRI: WHY IS IT ALWAYS CORKSCREWS????

MARCHAE: I’m cringing thinking of it….

KRIS: I guess because you can hold them for punching?

MIRI: In the last calendar year, I have seen three movies where a woman stabs someone with a corkscrew

THREE

KRIS: What were the other two?

MARCHAE: they are small and compact

MIRI: The Girl on the Train

MARCHAE: OHHHHH yes

*cringing again*

MIRI: and Clinical, which is a Netflix movie the company I used to intern for produced

KRIS: Oh I haven’t seen but I guess there would have actually been wine in proximity

I read Clinical

MIRI: Yeah, the fight between her and the girl in the kitchen

Spoilers for both of those, I guess

KRIS: Yeah to go back to something Miri said it was a cool choice that the fighting in this wasn’t as stylized as in something like John Wick

Which made the choreography in a larger sense more creative

Because of the improvised weapons, the use of the locations, etc

MIRI: I really like how most of the movie is so stylized, but the fights were so gritty

KRIS: Whereas the locations in so many action movies are basically irrelevant

MIRI: I mean, obviously super choreographed because they’re not insane

MARCHAE: they felt authentic

i could not every fight in that way, but you looked at that and thought yup a person could actually do this… it was believable!

MIRI: Honestly, the lack of stunt doubles made this so much better

KRIS: OH

MIRI: Because it can feel that real

What?

KRIS: I really loved that Lorraine covers her face in the end of the apartment fight, when she’s outside before the last two cops arrive

And that I thought this was going to be a moment for a cut to a double

But then they hold the shot until she lowers her collar again

MIRI: Why did you love that?

KRIS: Just to have my expectation of a double subverted

MIRI: Ah, gotcha

KRIS: It felt VERY oh, here’s a good excuse to cut around her

And then it wasn’t, it really was just Lorraine protecting her identity

MIRI: I just didn’t know why she did it--she lowers it immediately after, so it doesn’t seem effective to keep her identity secret!

I guess from those two cops

Or anyone who might have been coming, but then no one did

MARCHAE: that’s what i thought, it also looked really cool, she’s a spy and has to just keep cover, she’s always on alert

KRIS: And of course the other thing about the realism of the fighting in this is the gender thing -- Natasha Romanoff is always kicking and spinning

MIRI: Which is a cool and valid fighting form

But it shouldn’t be ALL THE TIME

KRIS: And Charlize Theron’s legs are like a mile long so not just from gender but from Charlize Theron you would expect something similar

MIRI: I loved that Lorraine was a brawler

KRIS: And obviously men can kick and spin and that’s the point of like, Tae Kwon Do, but outside of Asian productions you don’t see it a lot in movies

MARCHAE: i am thinking and you really don’t, KM

KRIS: There’s so much throwing people into other things in this too, which is great

Just like, use every object and surface that’s harder than a fist

Because hand bones can break relatively easily

MIRI: I loved when they went through the film screen

MARCHAE: that’s what made it so gritty and brutal  - it’s like what you’d hope you’d do if an intruder were coming into your house

YES

KRIS: The movie they were watching there, Stalker, is one of Andy S’s favorites

I wonder if there was any significance to that choice

other than the year

MIRI: Of course it’s one of Flash’s faves

Flash/Andy was our screenwriting professor most committed to Art

I really loved the umbrella thing

KRIS: Yeah, I find Convenient Crowd Things hit or miss but this one worked for me

MARCHAE: it looked great too

KRIS: I guess because they’d established Merkel well in advance

MIRI: perhaps because it was an Engineered Crowd Thing

KRIS: Right, but even those

MIRI: I really did love Merkel

KRIS: Just a poor choice of words on my part

MIRI: Oh, gotcha

KRIS: I guess I mean that I bought Merkel having that level of influence

And usually I’m like, really? This would have taken a lot of logistics

MIRI: Yeah, I’m with you

KRIS: Also, it matters that it didn’t ultimately succeed

Because BETRAYAL

MIRI: Multi-layered betrayal!

MARCHAE: HA

it really was (please promise you’ll read the texxxttttt it’s just so awesome to see what was changed and what was kept the same)

MIRI: Now, why exactly was Percival trying to kill Lorraine? (Was he? She says so, but Spyglass makes more sense)

KRIS: I think Spyglass was definitely the main target but she’d have been a loose end, right?

MIRI: That makes sense

I got a little lost in the twists at the end

KRIS: Seriously

MIRI: And he knew she was Satchel

But not that she was a triple agent, of course

MARCHAE: all of these things i agree with

KRIS: Yeah, the Satchel thing is something I’d want to try to pay more attention to on a rewatch

Just a lot of moving parts and sibilants to keep track of

MIRI: Definitely

MARCHAE: and gathered from it… but i do want to rewatch because it was a lot

MIRI: Sibilants?

KRIS: S sounds? Did I use it wrong?

MIRI: No, that’s right! Just didn’t follow and thought it had a different meaning I didn’t know

But you meant names with s sounds, etc. Which there are a lot of

KRIS: And which there’s no good reason for

MIRI: True

MARCHAE: LOL

KRIS: Any other thoughts?

MIRI: I loved it

MARCHAE: READ THE BOOK!

KRIS: I had a brief thought about how nudity was shot

MIRI: Share it

KRIS: Which was just that there’s nudity when it makes sense but even in and around the sex scene the camera didn’t seem to be leering

Like there’s not active avoidance of nipples or anything but also no lingering on them

MIRI: Agreed, though the buzzfeed review I saw earlier mentions the camera leering on her legs a bit, but no more than it leers at punches or neon or anything

KRIS: I mean “showy, aestheticized sex” is also accurate (I do like Alison Willmore a lot as a critic)

MIRI:Your bench of critics is so deep and I love it

KRIS: And now I’m just watching this gif she included of people being thrown down that stairwell

MARCHAE: he does have a good variety

KRIS: I wonder how many actual cuts there were in that oner

MIRI: I’m thinking about how similar Lorraine and Percival actually are

in that they have such long-term false personas and they’re SO GOOD at maintaining them, but also not perfect

KRIS: (Now I want a crossover with The Americans)

MIRI: Also we have not discussed her scene with the Russians at the end

And we should because it was baller

The shot of the gun in the ice was great

KRIS: Yeah

MIRI: Like, we saw a decent amount of it in the trailer

MARCHAE: ohhhhh yessssss

MIRI: and yet is was still so effective

And that wig and the outfit were amazing

MARCHAE: she was also barefoot

KRIS: Right, the story context automatically makes it way more interesting

MARCHAE: ( i mean she was probably just over it after wearing heels the entire movie)

KRIS: I had more or less forgotten there was one more action scene left

MIRI: There’s so much in this movie

KRIS: And it’s the most stylized fight but still had that, I guess, un-rushed quality to it?

MARCHAE: there is a lot - i repeat again, they knew they had to to make this an action film! those scenes let you forgive so much

MIRI: Yeah, there never felt like much danger to her in that one, whereas there was in the others

KRIS: Lorraine wasn’t like a John Wick-level gun wizard

K: I might be wrong about this, actually, GUESS I’LL JUST HAVE TO REWATCH ALL THESE MOVIES

Yeah! I guess that’s it too, that she felt totally in control of it

MIRI: She knew exactly how it would play out

And that she’d get to go home soon

Also, can I just say how much I loved the “cocksucker” moment, and the end callback to it?

KRIS: YES

Surprisingly hilarious take on the “What?” “What?” conversation trope

MIRI: You can play the tape back

They did a good job letting there be comedic moments without shoehorning them in

KRIS: (This is minor and SUPER action-nerdy but I also appreciated Theron/Lorraine’s pistol handling when she wasn’t shooting -- how she folds her arms in to keep the barrel at the right height and orientation for having to quickly aim and shoot)

(You can tell if an action star did their homework by how often they keep their arms totally extended when holding a handgun)

K: Actually I think worse is the thing where they hold it by their face while pointing the barrel straight up

MIRI: I did not at all notice it, but that’s a cool detail!

(I’m now sitting on my bed holding out a finger gun in various positions to see what feels right)

KRIS: I don’t think we can do a better, more fitting ending line than the movie’s own

You want the honors?

MIRI: I’m honestly blanking on what it was! I’m so embarrassed!!!

KRIS: I’m glad it was convincing

Follow us on Twitter for steady retweets of even more critics Kris likes to namecheck, along with screenwriters and general entertainment reporting. Also for links to future Reactions, of course.

Next up: X-Men cartoons with a Guest Reactor. Unless Liz and Marchae get around to watching The Bold Type soon enough. (WATCH THE BOLD TYPE, LIZ AND MARCHAE.) 

[taegijae-blog]

BREAKFAST DELIVERY 12

pairing: 2jae

genre: fluff, if you squint there’s angst

word count: 3k

description: the school’s hottest boy im jaebum wants to get a certain boy’s number.  but the first problem is: he’s unhappy and not eating.

status: completed

note: this was originally posted on wakaba’s wattpad @/jaeholics

| part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |

"Youngjae..." Jaebum had carried the freezing and shocked Youngjae over to a sunny spot behind the gym, a place where teachers usually never visit. Youngjae's eyes seemed sleepy as he shivered, Jaebum locking his arms around his body to preserve warmth. Both of their backpacks were also there. After Jaebum had burst out of classroom without saying anything to his teacher, he had found Youngjae's backpack thrown in the hallway. Carrying both of them, he’d run straight to the pool. That was his story up to the point where he found Youngjae being pulled dangerously close to the diving pool, and where his anger rose up to impossible levels. At least he was okay now. "Hyung..." Youngjae called out softly, coughing a few times. "You were the one who saved me, weren't you...?" Jaebum nodded. He brought Youngjae closer, leaning against one of the warehouses for sports equipment. "Yeah." Something made Jaebum's eyes blink, glistening ever so brightly. It was Youngjae's smiling face, staring up at the elder. "Thank you. Thank you so much." Shocked frozen for a second, Jaebum eventually returned a smile for the other in his arms. "No problem, Youngjae." He leaned down to nuzzle his face into the other's neck, breathing softly. "I'm sorry for yelling at you and slapping you. I really am," Youngjae said out of nowhere, sighing as he exclaimed so. He shifted his body so that he'd be even closer to Jaebum, feeling the comforting warmth of him. "I was just so... confused. I was scared at myself for being so mad that I guess I...tried to avoid you for a bit." "Mhm," Jaebum murmured, sighing into the soft and slightly wet skin. "I understand. I knew I should've told you earlier, but I was too dense to realize what it was doing to you." "It's okay." Youngjae was staring blankly at the scenery in front of them: cement, tall wire fences, and a few trees. "It really is alright. I've come to realize that I love the person called Def Soul' and that you are Def Soul. and how, by that logic, I love you." Youngjae peered up in order to look at Jaebum. "Jaebummie-hyung. It's always been you, hasn't it?" Although Jaebum was speechless for a second or two, he started to laugh softly. He loved this kid called Choi Youngjae. "I guess so." Jaebum reached over for his backpack and unzipped it, taking out something. "What's that?" Jaebum grinned to himself as he took out the small bag of homemade cookies. He opened it, taking one of the treats out and holding it between two fingers. "Have you eaten breakfast? Did you bring a lunch? If not..." Jaebum said in a singsong tone, pouting his lips in a rather cute way. "...Think about me, and then... eat." He stuffed the cookie into Youngjae's mouth. Chewing on it, the other giggled softly. "Thanks," he said as crumbs fell from his lips. "Hey," he whistled quietly. "Did you know that I used to be called fat constantly by these girls?" Jaebum's happy expression immediately dropped to a frown. "What? Who?" "I don't know." For some reason, the smile on Youngjae's face never faded away. "They just did for fun, I guess. They would come up to me during lunch especially and just whisper 'hey fatso.' So I thought about it a lot and decided that maybe I am fat. I didn't like how they would pick on me so I looked up how to lose weight. My naïve self ended up believing that skipping lunch and breakfast would be the best way to lose weight." Youngjae's chest rose high up and back down, which was something Jaebum's arms felt. "I was pretty unhappy and hungry, but I still kept doing it. My friends nagged me to eat. I wouldn't listen to them, though. So this is the strange part, right? Every piece of food you gave me, I would eat it happily and completely forget about starving myself. I totally forgot about trying to lose weight and whatnot. Which is weird, isn't it? Because I had no idea who you were, but you were still able to persuade me." "You literally cured this bad side of me, I think. You really are an amazing person, hyung," Youngjae finished with a big, wide smile and pat Jaebum, who was on the verge of tears, on the arm. "God... Youngjae...I'm so in love with you," he muttered to himself, shaking his head. "Are you still cold?" "Nope," Youngjae replied cheerfully, taking the piece of clothing from his torso and handing it back to the other. He went over to where his backpack was and hung it over his shoulder, throwing the other bag to Jaebum. "Do you want to go back to class?" "Not one bit," Jaebum laughed as he said so, also standing on his feet and carrying his backpack. He stood beside Youngjae, crossing his arms. "You should get a new change of clothes or you'll catch a cold." "Hm... yeah..." Peering down at his wet shirt and fanning it, he pursed his lips. "I don't have spare clothes, though." "You do at home." Youngjae grinned. He took ahold of Jaebum's hand, weaving their fingers together. "Come with me." "To ditch school?" "Yeah." The two started taking the back route of the school, planning to leave through the back gates. The gates were locked, they found, but Jaebum was able to help Youngjae jump over them. In Youngjae's free hand was the bag of cookies he received. He had all intentions to finish them once he was back at warm home. Before they took any more steps, Youngjae gave a gentle kiss to Jaebum's lips. He was unbelievably happy; it was like the times he yelled at him and cried because of him had never even happened. After all, those things only happened because of Youngjae's confused, naïve heart. Without the worry of being fat or not clouding his vision, he could clearly see that Jaebum was someone he loved. The only person who even when he was down; someone who would take care of him like he was born to do so. It was always the person he knew as Im Jaebum. Def Soul' was just Jaebum with a pair of sunglasses as a mask. That anonymous food donator and note writer was Jaebum too. He had all sorts of identities that Youngjae misunderstood, but he knew now that they all made up to be the same genuinely kind, benevolent person. "Let's go."

During his first period class, Jaebum's eyes wouldn't look away from his backpack that held a bag of homemade cookies. Would Youngjae still be willing to accept his food? Even after knowing who was behind all of it? He did know that Youngjae continued to not bring himself a lunch to school. Occasionally, he'd something light like a bag of chips (the kind that is 80% air) but that was basically it. He really thought it was amazing how Youngjae was able to control his hunger like that, especially in a cafeteria where a hundred or so students were eating happily. Jaebum felt frustrated at how little he knew about the junior. There were so many things he wanted to know so that he could take better care of Youngjae. What's his favorite food? Drink? What's his ideal type? He slammed his head onto his desk. This wasn't the first time he'd done so, and the teacher didn't bother to look back that time. "I've told you this before, Mr. Im, but please don't break your desk while venting your frustrations." Jaebum played around with his eraser, feeling bored. He was thinking about texting Youngjae before realizing that he had a low chance of getting a reply. what are you doing right now, youngjae? in class? of course you are. right. i want to talk to you. 🍽 Youngjae left his classroom early because of a stomachache. He kept thinking about how odd it was for him to even have a stomachache in general when he'd been doing his best to eat as less as possible. The only thing he’d eaten that morning was a slice of bread accompanied by a cup of water. All he knew was that the stomachache was painful. He couldn't walk very many steps before needing to clutch his belly, crouching over slightly. On one arm was his backpack, hanging by its straps. He’d tried mounting it on his shoulders but it quickly fell, since it actually made his stomach feel even worse. His brows were wrinkled as he stumbled down the hallway, searching for the infirmary. "What's this?" Youngjae's face was drained of its color when he realized that voice was familiar. He remembered it clearly: the voice that had spat at him while he was kicked by its owner. His head hung low as he pretended to not hear, making sure his face wouldn't be shown to the guy. Unfortunately for him, that just made things worse because he couldn't see properly and bumped straight into the voice. Goosebumps spread across his arms when he heard the displeased growl coming from the taller person. "Are you blind? Watch where you're fucking going!" Although Youngjae was scared, he was sure to keep his head down to cover his face. His stomach crippled him with pain but he had to deal with it, just for a bit longer. A horrible sense of doom overwhelmed him, though, when the other grabbed his collar and pulled him up. "That's hilarious. You're that little wimp I beat up before. Looks like you haven't learned your lesson at all, have you?" he scoffed, now grabbing Youngjae's chocolatey hair and tugging him to somewhere. "S-stop, please," Youngjae pleaded. Those were meaningless attempts as the guy only tugged on his hair harder, making him whine in pain. As if his stomachache wasn't enough, now he was dealing with this. In the process, he was forced to drop his backpack and it was left alone in the hallway. He was in far too much pain to even struggle and fight against him. Just as he was about to scream for help, the guy noticed and covered his mouth tightly with his hand. Youngjae really was frightened. His shaking hand reached into his pockets. Thankfully, his phone was in there. Youngjae double checked to see that the guy wasn't looking and, with his quivering fingers, he opened his text messages. He was afraid that his phone would be slapped away when noticed so he opened the first chat. jaybee [c.youngjae]: hyunh [c.youngjae]: hyungg [c.youngjae]: pleesas;; [c.youngjae]: heelp nme theres a; guyy [c.youngjae]: hes dragfing me to somewhere an I cant get away from him [c.youngjae]: help me [c.youngjae]: imm so scared

[jaybee]: tell me exactly where the fuck he's taking you [c.youngjae]: i,,i don't know [c.youngjae]: its,its outdoors [c.youngjae]: tthe field [c.youngjae]: pool [jaybee]: i'm heading there right now [jaybee]: youngjae fight back no matter what he does [jaybee]: youngjae [jaybee]: youngjae?? [jaybee]: i'm running [jaybee]: i'm on my way [jaybee]: oh my god [jaybee]: please be okay By that time, Youngjae had hidden his phone. The guy had dragged him all the way to the outdoor field and was approaching the swimming pool, where no teachers or students lingered at the time. The other grabbed him with both hands and flung him over the little fence surrounding the pool. Youngjae landed on the cement, a few scratches on his arm starting to bleed. He was holding back everything to not bawl in fear. The guy hopped over the fence, staring down at him in anger. "No one ever bumps into me twice. This'll help you learn, faggot," he spat, now pulling the collapsed Youngjae by the hood of his jacket. He was partially choking while being dragged across the cement against his will. The minuscule amount of oxygen he could breathe in wasn't the biggest problem he had at the moment. He could tell that he was being dragged over to the diving pool, measuring staggering meters deep. Youngjae's body locked up and was essentially frozen in fear. He couldn't swim. "Come on, cunt. swim for me." Youngjae was brought so close to the edge of the pool that his shoe grazed against some water. He couldn't do anything except make gasping noises and have his heart beat at unnatural rates. Was this the day he'd die? The metal fence made sudden rattling noises as footsteps stomped furiously to where the two were on the pool deck. Youngjae's eyes were squinting due to difficulty breathing, but he could sort of make out who the person was. "Hyu... ng..." he whispered, his voice raspy. Jaebum ran up to the guy dragging Youngjae and punched him without saying anything. "Get your fucking hands off of him or I'll beat the shit out of you!" he yelled in absolute fury. The other was equally angered and snarled, but only got another punch to his chest. He fell onto the ground in pain, but not before pushing Youngjae into the pool. Jaebum's heart stopped beating when watching him sink deeper into the water. "Youngjae!" he shouted, diving in after the boy, who was silently sinking deeper motionlessly. Jaebum grabbed Youngjae's shirt and pulled him towards him, wrapping an arm around him securely. He swam towards the ladder as quickly as he could, madly calling the other’s name. "Youngjae, Youngjae, Youngjae, oh my god..." Jaebum muttered shakily as he finally pulled him out of the water, still holding him tightly in his arms. Youngjae was unresponsive, his head drooping down with every attempt Jaebum made to wake him up. Jaebum's eyes were suddenly filled with even more rage than ever. he looked around to see where the guy who did this was. By that time, that guy already ran away, knowing that he'd get in major trouble. He'll never forgive that piece of shit for as long as he lives. The coughing sounds coming from Jaebum's arms caused him to quickly peer down. Thank God Youngjae was awake. He coughed up some water, suddenly beginning to shiver. "H-hyung..." he murmured weakly, barely peeking his eyes open. Jaebum's grip only tightened, concerned when feeling exactly how much the other was shivering. "Cold...cold..." "It'll be okay, Youngjae, you're going to okay," Jaebum reassured in a panicked voice as he took off his own hoodie and wrapped it around Youngjae's body. It was true that his skin felt almost ice cold, and that scared the elder. His eyes weakly opened, squinting at the one staring down at him. "Hyung...?" "Y-yeah. It's me, Jaebum." Youngjae wrapped his arms around the other's broader torso and stuffed his face into his chest. he was sobbing silently, his legs curling up unconfidently as he did so. Jaebum embraced him as though that the last time he would ever touch Youngjae, rubbing his back. "Iwas so scared...I can't swim...deep water..." "I get it, Youngjae, you don't have to say anything." Jaebum cooed as soothingly as he could, although that was difficult because he was freaking out too. Youngjae's shoulders quivered as he sniffed. "I'm so glad that you're here... Jaebum-hyung..."

"Youngjae..." Jaebum had carried the freezing and shocked Youngjae over to a sunny spot behind the gym, a place where teachers usually never visit. Youngjae's eyes seemed sleepy as he shivered, Jaebum locking his arms around his body to preserve warmth. Both of their backpacks were also there. After Jaebum had burst out of classroom without saying anything to his teacher, he had found Youngjae's backpack thrown in the hallway. Carrying both of them, he’d run straight to the pool. That was his story up to the point where he found Youngjae being pulled dangerously close to the diving pool, and where his anger rose up to impossible levels. At least he was okay now. "Hyung..." Youngjae called out softly, coughing a few times. "You were the one who saved me, weren't you...?" Jaebum nodded. He brought Youngjae closer, leaning against one of the warehouses for sports equipment. "Yeah." Something made Jaebum's eyes blink, glistening ever so brightly. It was Youngjae's smiling face, staring up at the elder. "Thank you. Thank you so much." Shocked frozen for a second, Jaebum eventually returned a smile for the other in his arms. "No problem, Youngjae." He leaned down to nuzzle his face into the other's neck, breathing softly. "I'm sorry for yelling at you and slapping you. I really am," Youngjae said out of nowhere, sighing as he exclaimed so. He shifted his body so that he'd be even closer to Jaebum, feeling the comforting warmth of him. "I was just so... confused. I was scared at myself for being so mad that I guess I...tried to avoid you for a bit." "Mhm," Jaebum murmured, sighing into the soft and slightly wet skin. "I understand. I knew I should've told you earlier, but I was too dense to realize what it was doing to you." "It's okay." Youngjae was staring blankly at the scenery in front of them: cement, tall wire fences, and a few trees. "It really is alright. I've come to realize that I love the person called Def Soul' and that you are Def Soul. and how, by that logic, I love you." Youngjae peered up in order to look at Jaebum. "Jaebummie-hyung. It's always been you, hasn't it?" Although Jaebum was speechless for a second or two, he started to laugh softly. He loved this kid called Choi Youngjae. "I guess so." Jaebum reached over for his backpack and unzipped it, taking out something. "What's that?" Jaebum grinned to himself as he took out the small bag of homemade cookies. He opened it, taking one of the treats out and holding it between two fingers. "Have you eaten breakfast? Did you bring a lunch? If not..." Jaebum said in a singsong tone, pouting his lips in a rather cute way. "...Think about me, and then... eat." He stuffed the cookie into Youngjae's mouth. Chewing on it, the other giggled softly. "Thanks," he said as crumbs fell from his lips. "Hey," he whistled quietly. "Did you know that I used to be called fat constantly by these girls?" Jaebum's happy expression immediately dropped to a frown. "What? Who?" "I don't know." For some reason, the smile on Youngjae's face never faded away. "They just did for fun, I guess. They would come up to me during lunch especially and just whisper 'hey fatso.' So I thought about it a lot and decided that maybe I am fat. I didn't like how they would pick on me so I looked up how to lose weight. My naïve self ended up believing that skipping lunch and breakfast would be the best way to lose weight." Youngjae's chest rose high up and back down, which was something Jaebum's arms felt. "I was pretty unhappy and hungry, but I still kept doing it. My friends nagged me to eat. I wouldn't listen to them, though. So this is the strange part, right? Every piece of food you gave me, I would eat it happily and completely forget about starving myself. I totally forgot about trying to lose weight and whatnot. Which is weird, isn't it? Because I had no idea who you were, but you were still able to persuade me." "You literally cured this bad side of me, I think. You really are an amazing person, hyung," Youngjae finished with a big, wide smile and pat Jaebum, who was on the verge of tears, on the arm. "God... Youngjae...I'm so in love with you," he muttered to himself, shaking his head. "Are you still cold?" "Nope," Youngjae replied cheerfully, taking the piece of clothing from his torso and handing it back to the other. He went over to where his backpack was and hung it over his shoulder, throwing the other bag to Jaebum. "Do you want to go back to class?" "Not one bit," Jaebum laughed as he said so, also standing on his feet and carrying his backpack. He stood beside Youngjae, crossing his arms. "You should get a new change of clothes or you'll catch a cold." "Hm... yeah..." Peering down at his wet shirt and fanning it, he pursed his lips. "I don't have spare clothes, though." "You do at home." Youngjae grinned. He took ahold of Jaebum's hand, weaving their fingers together. "Come with me." "To ditch school?" "Yeah." The two started taking the back route of the school, planning to leave through the back gates. The gates were locked, they found, but Jaebum was able to help Youngjae jump over them. In Youngjae's free hand was the bag of cookies he received. He had all intentions to finish them once he was back at warm home. Before they took any more steps, Youngjae gave a gentle kiss to Jaebum's lips. He was unbelievably happy; it was like the times he yelled at him and cried because of him had never even happened. After all, those things only happened because of Youngjae's confused, naïve heart. Without the worry of being fat or not clouding his vision, he could clearly see that Jaebum was someone he loved. The only person who even when he was down; someone who would take care of him like he was born to do so. It was always the person he knew as Im Jaebum. Def Soul' was just Jaebum with a pair of sunglasses as a mask. That anonymous food donator and note writer was Jaebum too. He had all sorts of identities that Youngjae misunderstood, but he knew now that they all made up to be the same genuinely kind, benevolent person. "Let's go."