#they are NOT included in me feeling weird when it comes to being online again feeling disappointing

[dewvorce-flowers]

.

[littleststarfighter]

Feeling sorry for myself

I just want to apologise if I seem standoffish sometimes. Or if I'm super late to reply to anyone. I get too shy and I have anxiety. After my mum passed away it kinda got worse. But I'm trying to get better at not being so awkward and making friends. I don't have many friends offline and it gets very lonely. I often don't get to talk to anyone for days or weeks face to face or on the phone. So coming on here and chatting makes my day. I'm just very slow at it because I get nervous.

Things have been really hard. I'm unemployed again and finding it impossible to find work. The curse of not having a car and living rurally. I've got bills to pay that signing on for welfare doesn't cover. When it comes to my family, only my sister has anything to do with me. I hate where I live because I have neighbours from hell, but I'm stuck here. I'm feeling trapped so it's been hard to get myself out there in the world more. And that includes being online and drawing. I just want to curl up and stop some days. I keep trying though even if I feel like giving up. Because drawing makes me happy and I love the people I meet here. I've met some really kind and awesome people ❤️ So I guess I just wanted to moan because sometimes it helps getting things out instead of pretending things are great. Sometimes they're not.

I wish I was a faster artist. I think that's why I'm not successful or find work in art. No one wants my art and it gets depressing seeing people I shared fandom with become successful and develop careers. Like I'm struggling to get people interested in my prints or Patreon. Honestly I'm thinking of deleting my Pateron as I'm not doing great or offering things people want. I don't do much NSFW and my art isn't cute. I take so long to draw and paint it's ridiculous. And don't draw just the one fandom and like to branch out and that doesn't help. Especially as I've landed in a new one lately. I think there'll be a point I'm going to have to stop drawing as it'll be hard to balance that and stressing about not having full time work. It makes me sad to think that but bills are more important and I have to get out of this hell hole I'm living in. I only have myself to rely on in my life. My family or friends won't help me. I get people asking why I can't do something with my art. But you need to be super popular and know people, as well as being outgoing and great at networking to make that work. And I'm too slow, shy and have a weird style for anyone to hire me. 

Sorry, just feeling sorry for myself today and wanted somewhere to rant that's not my poor sister. It's just been really hard for me recently and I'm trying so much to be positive and get myself sorted out. But sometimes you just want to have a moan. Will go try to finish something as I've had a really bad social anxiety kick recently and I've not been online or drawn anything for over a month. I want to draw so badly too.

Sorry for moaning so much.

[creedslove]

BETRAYED - PART THREE

Pedro Pascal x f!reader

Summary: Pedro invites you to be his plus one for the night but his attention is caught by another woman and leaves you with a broken heart

Warnings: angst, age gap, established friendship, unrequited love/one sided feelings, Pedro being a dick but also a tiny little bit of fluff

A/N: I'm so sorry but I can't manually tag anyone on the post, the app won't just let me do it!

1.7k words

PART ONE | PART TWO

If someone had asked Pedro where he got his obsession with you from, he would be too embarrassed to tell. But first things first, he would clarify that he was not obsessed with you, he could never have such a weird, creepy feeling towards you. He loved you. He loved you like a friend, like a brother, he cared for you, he enjoyed having you in his life, you always supported him, believed in him and he was so grateful for that. He had never had enough of you in his life, except when you demanded something more than he could give you. He couldn't be your boyfriend, he just couldn't imagine mixing things up like that, of course you were pretty, he wasn't crazy to think otherwise, but how could he give you something he didn't have? You were young, he was older, you probably would want to get married and have kids, and well, he had chances of that throughout his life with a few women and he always backed down from this kind of commitment. Plus, after his much deserved breakthrough he was finally able to experience the Hollywood lifestyle for bit, women, parties, money. He would've been crazy if he'd said no to that, right?

Still, he didn't get why for the past few days he just couldn't get you out of his mind, of course, you two were friends, he worried about you, as you hadn't been talking much and though he knew damn well what he did to you in order to make you pissed off at him, he still pretended he didn't. He told himself it wasn't a big deal, he even convinced himself if you'd found a hot guy at the party, you would've the same to him. In his defense, there were probably hundreds of attractive men there, and you could have hooked up with any of them, so there was no need to throw a fit. Well, that was just what he told himself when he felt his heart clench at the sight of you online and not talking to him, or when you saw you posting stories with your friends or daily things you once shared with him, and saw he wasn't included.

Then, he began dreaming about you. And that was something he did not expect. Every night he would have the same dream over and over, he'd would see you in his home, looking comfortably and cozy on his couch, curling up in a blanket, sometimes with a book in hands or sometimes watching TV. When this little toddler would come running towards you and jumping onto your lap, giggling and calling you mommy. Even in the unconscious of sleep, his heart still clenched at the sight, especially when the kid would look towards him. Sometimes, the toddler was a little boy, and sometimes it was a little girl. When he dreamed about you and the boy, he always had the same eyes as Pedro and the messy hair. When he dreamed about the little princess and you, she looked exactly like a tiny version of you, but with the same beautiful brown eyes as well.

Pedro then, would wake up with a gasp and panting, rubbing his hands over his face and looking around. The dream always felt so real and each time he went to sleep, the desire to see you again grew stronger and stronger inside of him. So it was a fair assumption that he waited excitedly to see you at the dinner party he was throwing. There were other people attending, of course but he couldn't even hide the fact that the only one that truly mattered was you.

Pedro waited for you the whole night, he was warm and sweet to everybody, as always, greeting people, making them comfortable and being the star of the party, but he felt something was missing. You were missing. He still checked his phone anxiously every ten minutes to see if you'd texted him, maybe to let him know you'd be late or something but couldn't hide his disappointment when he got nothing. Eventually people got hungry and he had no other choice but to serve dinner. He had picked your favorite dish and couldn't wait to see your face once you realized it, but as you never showed up, he didn't get the chance to see your beautiful eyes lighting up and your sweet smile.

He sighed heavily once the last guests left his house and grabbed his phone one more time. He had texted you multiple times during the evening and it wasn't worth it, so he went to bed instead, knowing he'd see you at least in his dreams.

•••

You decided to go to the gym after days of not showing up, you would always say you were too busy with work, or your finals but the truth was you were straight up avoiding Pedro. You just didn't want to risk running into him there and have to face him, not when his gym clothes hung tight against his fit body, or when he smiled at you, his skin with the sweaty glow of someone who just finished an intense activity, one that you fantasized very often. No, you couldn't let yourself be fooled again, if he wasn't going to be a decent friend, then you weren't even sure if you still wanted to be friends. But that was not the time to depress yourself overthinking about that. You grabbed your gear and headed to the gym.

Pedro had already worked out that day, but his phone beeped when he got a new notification. He'd turned on the notifications of your profile, so he'd know whenever you made a new post. Opening your story he saw you were in your usual gym clothes

"Ay ay princesa, tienes un cuerpo maravilloso" he whispered as he watched his picture and frowned as he noticed he hadn't seen you in forever at the gym and groaned, finally realizing you were avoiding him on purpose. He felt so angry he decided he would talk to you personally, even if he had to follow you to the gym.

He didn't get much traffic on the way and grinned as he saw your car at the parking lot. Getting his sunglasses on, he walked through the sidewalk and entered the building, greeting everyone he knew and looking for you. It didn't take long for him to recognize your frame, he'd been watching your body for a couple of years and enjoying the view to the point he could recognize you in a crowd of people. He only didn't recognize the man that was next to you. You were getting ready for yoga practice and doing stretching exercises with the help of the guy Pedro had never seen. He was taller than Pedro, and more muscular as well. Judging by the way other yoga girls looked at him, he could assume your new friend could be considered handsome.

And he didn't like that.

In fact, he hated it.

If Pedro thought he was angry when he found out he was being avoided by you, he was in for a ride when he saw the moment the man placed his hands on your hips. You had to bend over and stretch and he was giving you support, but to Pedro that was a real absurd. How could that asshole touch you like that in front of everyone? How could you not say anything? For so long he was the only one who touched you like that, even if it wasn't in a erotic way, still, he was the only man who had his hands on you.

His blood boiled and he never felt that way, actually he did, several times when he was dating other women throughout his life, but he never felt that towards you. At that point he didn't even know if he should go and talk to you, he actually felt ashamed of being there, watching you from afar like a goddamn stalker. He was about to turn back and leave when he heard the yoga structure dismissing the class and your giggles as the other man got behind to talk to you alone. He could hear only your muffled voices but was able to catch some of the conversation and quickly learned the guy's name was Liev. He rolled his eyes, finding the whole scene pathetic and infuriating but stopped once more when he heard you agreeing to go out for a coffee with him.

Pedro felt rage shake his body, he didn't believe you ditched him and the dinner he'd especially made for you but yet thought it was acceptable to go out with a guy you had just met. He wanted to storm into the room, get you away from that weird guy and put some sense into your mind, but apparently it was no use.

He quickly returned to the parking lot and got into his car, trying to calm down and think straight. There was nothing he could do, he wasn't your boyfriend, at that point he wasn't even sure if you were still friends and yet he was possessive, you were his and no one else's.

He saw you walking out with Liev and decided to follow you, feeling his heart clench once he realized you went to the bakery you both used to go at least once in a week. Pedro felt such disappointment he couldn't put into words, how dare you do this to him?

He wanted answers, so he drove to your house.

An hour later you returned home, you felt tired from your workout session, but also a little excited at the man you'd met. He was very handsome and nice, and you figured there was no harm in spending some time with you, so you went for a cup of coffee with him, and that turned out to be two cups of coffee and one slice of strawberry cake, and you were not disappointed, he was sweet and fun. It reminded you a little of when you first became friends with Pedro, which brought a pang to your chest and you quickly dismissed, reminding yourself Liev's intentions were different, especially at how much he flirted with you. You placed your gym bag down and walked through the living room.

"We gotta talk, Y/N" Pedro's voice was cold and made you jump, startled as you turned back and saw him sitting on the couch. You swallowed hard, never expecting to find him there, watching you like a predator.

_____

A/N: Two things: I confess I was kinda anxious to post this because the first two pieces people really enjoyed it and I was worried this one wasn't good enough, so I hope with all my heart you guys didn't find it bad.

Also, I chose the name Liev, because of Liev Schreiber, but it was a just because choice. In real life he's taller than Pedro and his body type is more of a bulk, which makes him bigger and he's also older too (55yrs) but it won't be relevant for the story (yet) so you can picture whoever you want!

[lowkeyrobin]

Curious about MCYT with a partner that's usually calm and collected, suddenly being super angry at someone bothering them, maybe almost fighting the person brothering them? (Btw i really love your writing, it's super fun to read!!)

ooooo okay !! I see the vision, hopefully I pulled it off LMAO ; also thank you so much!! that means so much to me, I feel like my writings really corny and dumb sometimes and too boring so thank you, it means a lot to me 🫶🫶🫶

MCYT ; fire in the twilight

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, & quackity

warnings ; language, talk about SA/perverts/men being weird

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

you're a very calm person

but when you get mad you get maddddd

he's surprised you haven't beaten the shit out of him yet

someone was being kinda weird at a meet and greet at vidcon and you were already stressed and overstimulated from taking pictures with everyone and signing merch and youtooz (guys should I try buying the slimecicle plushie? I don't wanna support a bad company but he's so cute :()

someone took a picture of you stretching where your shirt lifted a bit and showed off your midsection

Tommy saw and immediately called them out while you were taking a solo pic w a fan

when you heard him you just froze and nearly yelled

"Hey, please delete that. out of your trash too, seriously"

"Dude, fucking delete that shit. that's not okay, actually."

you end up nearly beating the shit out of the person....

then comes the Twitch apology 😭😭

you nearly went into a spiral explaining that it's never okay to take photos of ppl without them knowing, no matter when or where

he feels really bad for you but you're able to sit down and calm down to your usual self 🫶🫶🫶

RANBOO

you were getting fed up with how people were treating you and them online and just kinda lost it on stream

your chat was filled with assholes wondering where people were and why you hadn't publicly talked to them in over 12 hours and what your plans with everything were etc etc

"Dude, please stop. all of you. for weeks this has been going on, stop putting me and ranboo on these pedestals and expecting shit from us. seriously, it's horrible for both of us and our health. if you wanna see Tubbo or Tommy, go watch them! they're both live right now. Seriously, it's not funny and it's not gonna make us pump out more content and do what you want. we're people too, we get sad and burned out and tired. eventually content creation gets unfun and you won't get what you want. behave yourselves and do better. we don't owe you anything"

ranboo literally tears up a bit because he was watching the stream in the other room and could hear you, and you were visibly tearing up

you could feel your hands shaking and you just kind of ended the stream because you were so worked up and didn't wanna do it anymore

he immediately wrapped you in a hug because you were just so angry

gave you a pillow to punch and left you be for a while

you're usually very calm but your emotions exploded when you were bottling it up too much

they understood that but their heart bled for you after that, especially w all the hate that came from it :/

FREDDIE BADLINU

people were throwing things at you on stage during Tommy's live show

you played it off as jokes and were fine with jt because they were doing it sneakily in a fun way, roses, kandi bracelets, plushies etc, until someone threw their bra at you

"Okay, can we not?" You scrunch your eyebrows, looking into the crowd as you throw the bra back into the crowd. "That's fucked, don't ever do that again, learn event etiquette. never throw your bras on a fucking stage, it's weird and disgusting"

Freddie looks over at you, standing next to Tommy, giving you a "Holy shit are you okay?" look while also looking for the culprit trying to get their bra back

Tommy instantly stopped the show to reprimand the person

meanwhile Freddie was whispering to you to make sure you were okay

you were pissed but put your big kid pants on and continued the show

you apologized on Twitter after the show because you were really loud and kind of humiliated the people but you were justified with the situation

the people (and the girl who owned the bra) apologized and the situation was over

Freddie feels so bad bc you're so calm and laid back but ppl always have to test your limits :(

NIKI NIHACHU

people were filming you two out in public and taking pictures and you kinda lost it that they weren't listening to niki, telling them to kindly stop

"can you stop taking pictures? she's uncomfortable, please stop." you speak in a stern voice

the fans just like stare at you in shock because you're usually very calm and chill and you basically yelled at them (you reprimanded them because one it's the law two you both didn't want to be disturbed on your walk)

you're in a miserable mood the whole way home because yk how twitters gonna act when they see that

you quickly make a statement before any video leaks or anything, addressing the situation and apologizing to the strangers

ppl got ur back tho and showed support considering they were filming you on a nice walk without consent

she feels so bad seeing you get upset about it and feels like it's her fault

lots of reassuring her that it's never her fault and you're always happy to defend her and you don't mind getting a little loud to defend her

ALEX QUACKITY

you got really upset with someone harassing a bunch of creators during the qsmp Brazil meetup

"Dude, leave them alone. they don't want to take a picture with you and they don't owe you anything! you're being creepy to all those women right now, do you not realize that or something?"

you were furious seeing that many on your friends, even while on a trip, couldn't just not be harassed by men

the weirdo scurried off but you were literally this close to fighting the fucker

you were seething dude, like, shaking because you were so astonished someone could actually be that pushy and that much of a dick over a picture

Alex wrapped you in a tight hug and just squeezed you until you calmed down while the poor people who were harassed had reassured you that they were okay and that they appreciated and thanked you for standing up for them

Alex genuinley apologizes because the way you reacted just proved to him that you definitely are calm and laid back but when you got angry, you got angry

he feels so bad because you had to stand up for your friends and watch them be harassed and shit

[bigboysfalldeep]

There I was—a loner, sitting inside a crowded lounge, looking at the ring laying in the palm of my hand.

"It's just not going to work." I told myself over and over again, but I had nothing to lose.

I bought it weeks prior from a weird yet friendly stranger—a middle-aged dude looking quite sharp, but something about him was off. He contacted me after I went down the hypnosis rabbit hole. I read multiple articles and posts and watched so many different videos about how to hypnotize someone, willing or not. I even left a comment under one post, even though I was anxious. I was new to this—all of this—and I didn't want anyone to look at me differently.

I always dreamt of hypnotizing a handsome jock to make him my own, but this wasn't happening in real life, was it? That's exactly what I thought when that man reached out to me, offering me this ring. A beautiful silver ring with a blue stone—alluring yet nothing too special.

He told me that this would help me make my wish come true; the only thing he asked for was for me to share some of my future "acquaintances."

I shook my head in disbelief. I was so stupid to trust in this man and his sly smile. He was probably enjoying my hundred bugs while I was blinded by my fantasies.

I put the ring in my pocket and got up from my table. There was no point in staying here any longer; I wanted to go home.

But that's when I saw this handsome man sitting at a table, all alone. He was smoking a cigar and blew a ton of smoke into the air all around him while leaning back against the sofa. His eyes wandered through the room; he seemed to enjoy the attention he was getting from a few people around the lounge, including me.

He looked so good—a well-groomed beard, nice hair, a very hot body—everything I dreamt of. That man had that look on his face: he knew how good he looked, and he was bathing in attention—mine at least.

Something deep inside me wanted this man so badly. I immediately imagined him being mine and mine alone—how good it would feel to touch him, toy with him, and just own him. Good god, I felt myself getting lost inside this daydream.

At this point, I felt the ring inside my pocket. I pulled it out again, looking at it with desire and anxiety. Would this actually work? Or was I in for a beating?

"Fuck it." I breathed and let the silver slide onto my finger. Oddly enough, it fit quite well, but I wasn't feeling any different. I hoped it would feel different, special, or something else. This wasn't encouraging at all.

Shaking my head again, I made my way through the crowd toward that beautiful stranger. He didn't even look at me until I sat down right next to him, causing him to turn his head, giving me a curious but suspicious look.

"Can I help you?" That guy looked at me; I felt his gaze burning my skin, even though I wasn't looking at him yet. I knew he saw me for what I was: a loner, maybe a random creep, but I didn't care.

I placed a finger at the ring and moved it, causing the crystal to move along my finger.

"I hope so." I said, my voice breaking slightly when I turned my head to meet his gaze. Fuck, he was even better looking up close. His lips, eyes, and beard are perfection.

The guy narrowed his eyes at me, and I felt the tension rising between us.

A little taken aback, he regained his composure. "Oh fuck, he was going to clock me," I thought. But the guy online told me to do exactly that—make the ring spin a few times.

"I don't know who you are, but you better..." The guy suddenly stopped, his eyes now stuck at the slightly glowing ring.

I was prepared to just make a run for it when I noticed that he was focused on the ring. His expression softened slowly; the scowl vanished completely, replaced by an empty look in his eyes.

Oh, those beautiful eyes—they lost their shimmer, just barely, but I could tell something was happening deep inside that gorgeous head.

As I kept spinning the ring, he tilted his head, and his expression softened even more. He looked at me with uncertainty, like asking for help. Both of us didn't know what was happening.

"Who?" He said it, with his voice sounding a little deeper than before. I looked him in the eyes before he broke eye contact.

The guy placed a hand on his chest, looking into the distance. He wasn't looking at anything in particular, and his face turned blank.

I was shocked yet aroused. He had a similar expression to all those handsome studs online when they went under, and I felt the ring heating up against my skin. It didn't hurt, but it was kind of unpleasant.

He took several deep breaths until he closed his eyes, leaning back against the sofa again.

"Are you okay?" I said, unsure of what was exactly happening to him, because it couldn't be caused by the ring, could it?

Carefully, I placed a hand on these thick thighs, but he didn't react at first; instead, he slowly opened his eyes after a few seconds, looking at me with vacant eyes and his mouth hanging open.

He looked soft and submissive, and I had to control myself not to let out a moan right here and then.

This was the exact expression I was seeing online in all those videos and pictures, but was he just messing with me? He and the other guy must be toying with me. This can't be real.

I contemplated just leaving, but something deep inside me told me to stop. The guy kept looking at me, waiting for something—perhaps orders.

My eyes shifted across his face and upper body as he wasn't moving an inch. That's when I noticed the cigar in his other hand.

"Do you mind?" I motioned for the cigar, and without any hesitation, he gave it to me and watched me as I started smoking.

I felt the hot smoke fill my lungs, and I just tested my luck. I blew smoke right into the guy's face, but, unbothered, he kept looking at me.

This made me cry right away. Fuck, he was so hot. I started to stroke his thighs gently, and he started to growl contently, even closing his eyes for a second.

If this was a joke, I admired his commitment. But what if it was real?

I looked at the still-shimmering ring and then back to the stud. He was breathing deeply, and I loved seeing his chest heave with every breath he took. I licked my lips while stroking his thighs.

"What's your name?" I asked him as I moved a little closer before putting the cigar into the ashtray.

"M..Matt." His now-rough voice barely came out as he struggled to think. He really was a mindless toy, just responding to me.

"I want to go home, Matt. Do you want to come?" I asked him, my voice breaking once more. I expected him to deny my request, but to my surprise, he just nodded.

I blinked a few times; I couldn't believe my luck. Was that ring actually working?

"Let's go then." I motioned toward the door and started to get up from the sofa.

He was a bit unsteady on his feet and needed my help to regain his composure again, but then he followed me closely. A few people watched us, but I don't care what they might have thought. I was going home with that little, empty jock boy.

Everything happened so fast, and I found myself on the road, with that beautiful specimen sitting beside me, watching me closely.

I felt my cock tent hard inside my jeans; I was surely already leaking just looking at this man. At every stop, every red light, I turned my head to find him looking at me: his eyes slightly unfocused, that muscly man with an empty mind.

I was still in disbelief—that ring—was it really the source of all this? Maybe, but that was something to figure out later.

Just then, the guy started to growl again, and when I turned my head, I found him stroking his own dick through his jeans. So fucking hot.

I felt the ring heating up around my finger—was it reading my mind? Hearing soft growls and moans, I couldn't help it. Instinctively, I stroked myself as well, just like all the times watching videos online.

A warm glow engulfed my stomach as he kept stroking himself while looking at me. I knew I couldn't wait any longer.

I took a turn toward the first empty parking lot, stopped the car, and tried to steady my breath. The car was filled with Matt's deep voice, growling and breathing deeply.

I bit my lower lip, and watching that stud get more and more into it made me harder than ever before. Subconsciously, I reached out and placed a hand on his chest. Right away, he moaned deeply.

His chest felt so good; all the hours he spent hitting the gym paid off as all of his muscles tensed hard against the fabric of his thin shirt. Just touching him made me nearly lose it.

Matt leaned his head back and closed his eyes for a few moments before staring into the distance again. He struggled to keep the door open, like a sleepy, horny jock boy. At the same time, he kept touching himself firmer and firmer.

My body was shaking, my dick was pulsating inside my jeans, and my breathing got even quicker. I hold back a giggle while intensifying my strokes. I observed how firm his pecs were and how they imprinted through his clothes as his entire body bulged more and more.

"Fuck." I moaned, playing with his hard nipple, when he suddenly turned his head toward me, smiling derpily. He was enjoying this just as much as I was.

"Let me see." I held back another long moan before I pulled his shirt up, taking a long, good look at his bare chest. Oh, fuck, was he hot? He was hairy as well, just the way I liked it. I ran a hand along his entire chest, through his pecs, and down to his treasure trail, and Matt was grunting under his breath like a puppy.

As I stroked him again and again, he smiled at me, completely unbothered. His skin felt so good, soft yet firm, and all of him reacted to the most gentle touch. His breathing quickened slightly, and Matt swallowed hard a few times.

He just purred happily and smiled, while my hand ran over his entire chest over and over again. His body was telling me about his excitement. His muscles grew harder, veins got more visible due to the tesnion building up inside him, and most importantly, his dick was standing at attention.

With one final stroke, I let my hand run down right to his crotch, and when I felt him for the first time, he left the tip of my cock. I tried to hold it back, but I just couldn't. I grabbed myself, trying to stop, but it just felt too good. Matt was still smiling with that lovely empty expression, and I felt that ring heating up once more. It didn't bother me; I was too busy fondling my new toy.

I tried to focus, but I could see my own cock move inside my pants. Turning away, I looked at the guy again, who was now drooling while moaning contently. In response, I groaned loudly, and my back bent away from the seat—my body held in so much pressure, and feeling this guy's massive cock made it much worse.

"Fuck." I growled deeply, and that's when Matt reached out to me. At first, I thought he snapped out of it or the spell was broken, but instead, he grabbed my hard cock as well and started to fondle with it, making it much harder to not cum already.

The ring was now burning my skin again, but that pain was nothing compared to the pure pleasure running through my veins.

Together, we unbuttoned my jeans, exposing my wet boxers, but he didn't hesitate. He tugged at my underwear—so eager, yet his expression was emotional. Still, it felt so good to be touched by him—his warm hands, his gentle touch—so good.

With a little help, he pulled my boxers down—the tip of my dick was clinging on to the wet fabric, fuck.

I looked at him again, and he was looking at me. I placed a hand on his cheek and stroked him; his skin was so soft, his beard well taken care of, and his lips were a dream come true. My hand ran through his hair as he kept purring.

Firmly, I grabbed his neck and pulled him closer, smelling him for the very first time. His cologne was thick, yet the smell of sweat was coming through more and more.

My eyes rolled back quickly before I regained my composure. He kept looking at me while I pushed him down, but, like a well-trained boy, Matt opened his mouth, swallowing my hard cock whole.

I could have cried out right then, but it was just the beginning.

That guy knew his way around a man's cock, using his tongue while sucking me off. Rhythmically, he moved his mouth while I encouraged him to go even deeper.

I never had this before: a hot guy willingly—more or less—sucking my cock. It was a sight to behold. It made my entire body heat up quickly, as I was edging myself on already.

I didn't know if I pushed too hard when he gagged, but it was alright. He steadied himself against my thighs while I leaned back contently.

Watching this handsome fella made me feel so good that I ran a hand through his nicely done hair. He really made sure to groom himself. Everything sat perfectly; that's why I wanted him so much.

"Thats alright. Good boy." I said—I loved when they said that in the videos.

And he reacted even better than expected: he groaned happily and his body shuddered. Such a good boy.

That's when I reached my limits. I pushed him further down as I shot my first load, then another, and another. I wanted him to take it all, and as expected, he didn't fight back.

As I was running dry, I released him, and he slowly, swaying back and forth, resumed his position.

He licked his lips; his eyes were foggy and unfocused, but his body was so excited.

"Good boy." I stroked his chest a few times and patted him. He smiled and leaned back as well.

For a second, I just sat there, thinking. "I should take him home." I thought so, but at first, I wanted to have some fun.

I encompassed his firm upper body again before I unbuttoned his jeans as well. His dick was tenting visibly, and I wanted to see it.

I pulled his enormous wet cock out of his underwear. I assumed he had a big dick, but it was even better than expected.

I moved my hand up and down his shaft, and he purred again while looking at me. 

Drooling heavily, he stained his clothes already, but it wouldn't stop.

"Let's get home, body." I stroked him again before I turned the key, and the engine roared to life.

On my way back home, I used every opportunity to fondle with his stick—he even leaked again, much to my amusement.

He watched me the whole time, smiling derpily and drooling. I knew he liked it.

From time to time, Matt let out several long groans, his body shifting slightly. I knew he wanted to cum so badly, but something was holding him back.

Back at home, still inside the car, I turned and found him looking at me pleadingly, and my breath quickened again. One of his hands was resting on his thighs, and the other was firmly stroking his meat.

"Fuck." I moaned looking at this man, craving my touch so much. So I wrapped my hand around his massive cock and moved it rhythmically.

Matt whimpered, and he let out a few moans of pleasure. He was so close already that he shot one massive load, spreading his cum all over his clothes.

At this time, his eyes rolled back, and an even wider smile spread across his lips.

That was when I came into my pants again—it just looked so hot. Matt was mine now; I owned him.

I looked at the ring, still shimmering, and took several deep breaths. Then I remembered what the guy online told me to share.

I got Matt dressed back up and wanted to take a picture. But I had a better idea.

I lifted my boy's shirt back up and snatched a picture. I never felt better in my entire life.

I wonder what the guy's going to say to Matt.

[osarina]

to the anon - i’m putting it under the cut because i’m not bringing discourse to my dash again. you are right in that you’re getting blocked, but i'm afraid that's where it ends!

i don't know WHERE you get the inclination that you think i think i'm being "cool" by my previous message, i'm sure that you think you're cool coming on anon to act like the selfship police, but i'll entertain your shitty asks one last time. i did not LIE about anything you said, that's a bold and absurd accusation.

i fear that is common sense. if someone does not have their exact age on their account and gives a vague range instead, you're a crossing a boundary by pressing for that exact age range to call them "weird". don't play stupid, it's not "mature" of you.

but quite frankly i don't CARE what you find weird! i am not aging myself back to being 18 again in my fics, i'm portraying the two of us at the stage in our selfship when we would have both been 18. when people write childhood friends to lovers, and the scene includes them being 12, they are not "regressing themselves" to be 12 again to selfship with a 12 year old version of a character. they are creating plot and substance to that point in a timeline and that's NORMAL. that's how writing works. i can write the 18 year old versions of me and dazai from the past in my fics to portray that portion of the story while still being in the 20s! i like substance and background to my selfships.

what about this is NOT judgmental? you come into my ask box judging me for having a selfship with dazai and pressing me about my age while calling it "weird" (that's a quote!) there is no twisted narrative here, you're acting like the selfship police. more than that, you're prioritizing the feelings of someone that does not exist over the feelings of a real life person. comparing someone in their early twenties to finding comfort with a character that is LITERALLY THEIR AGE is fucking absurd. dazai is 22 currently, he was 18 once. i am in my early twenties currently, i was 18 once. ???? i'm going through the timeline of what our relationship would've been like. comparing this to someone who is 50 selfshipping with a 14 year old is INSANE. that is a FOUR decade difference, not a few years. be fucking real right now, i actually can't believe someone typed this out and thought "wow this will totally get her!!"

again - your "simple question", if you put a little thought behind it, crosses boundaries. don't YOU lie. you can play innocent all you want but we all know that if someone doesn't have something explicitly stated - ESPECIALLY when they have an alternative there - it is CROSSING BOUNDARIES to press and ask for it. you can play innocent and stupid, but it's not going to work here, sorry. i'm not going to let you come onto MY blog and disrespect me.

... let me understand this .... dazai left in the spring .... his birthday is in the summer .... dazai is eighteen when he leaves the mafia .... meaning his birthday in the summer passed (and thus spring as well), so he left the next spring ... which means he's been 18 for nearly a whole year ............ regardless of the fact that you just disproved your own point, you sent no source and i'm afraid i'm not going to just take your word because i cannot find ANYTHING on this topic online.

on this topic, i never claimed to be the end all knowledge of dazai, i am not asagiri, i don't know everything and i dont claim to. but continue to get your snide comments in, i hope it makes you happier.

i allow simple questions when they are not rude and disrespectful. furthermore, i am NOT a content creator. i am a person who enjoys writing and enjoys sharing it. this is my personal blog, i don't make money from this. i will repeat - i am NOT a content creator, i don't like that term and the implications/expectations that come along with that. and this ask is precisely why.

this is the end of this discussion. there is one immature person here and it is YOU. you can act innocent and play stupid, but everyone knows that wasn't meant to be a simple question, and your response is even more showing of that. you're not going to come onto my blog - MY safe space - and disrespect me. the moment you ended that ask with "it's weird" it becomes rude and judgmental. if it was meant to be a simple question, you would have cut commentary altogether.

comparing someone who is in their early twenties selfshipping with a character who is ALSO in their early twenties to someone who is 50 selfshipping with someone who is 14 is actually insanity. i will always add substance and backstory to my selfships, just like i do with my fics. if you don't like that, kindly stay off my blog.

and claiming that i'm immature when you're throwing a fit in my inbox over someone selfshipping with a fictional character is more telling of you than me.

i will reiterate one last time that i am not a content creator nor do i want to be treated like one. this is my personal blog that i write fanfiction on. i don't get paid, i don't get sponsorships, brand deals or anything. i write fanfiction for myself and i share for those who might be interested. i'm not going to sit here and be told i'm "bad" at something that i'm not because you have a preconceived idea of how i "should" be acting because you presume i'm something that i'm not. it says right on my nav that this is a personal blog.

you're blocked, this conversation is over. i hope you reflect and realize why you were wrong here and you don't put another writer on here through the same thing.

i hope you have a good life and heal. peace and love.

[bluecrocss]

STOP BEING WEIRD

Now that social media has blurred the lines between celebrities and their fans, I am once again reminded that people have no sense of boundaries or decorum online.

I get that we all joke about Luke being a groomer and weirdo because of his weird little "did you love me?" confession to Annabeth at the end of TLO. But why did I come across a tiktok of some pjo fan making a slide show joke of Luke and Annabeth, where the joke was something like, "when the law says 18 but she's 14" and it was using ACTUAL PICTURES of Charlie and Leah.

Not only that, but they went on to tag Charlie's tiktok account in the post, so he would see it (with some dumbass caption about how "it's just a joke. Please don't take it seriously.")

And the thing is, I have seen Charlie leave comments on fan posts before, so when his fans tag him in things, there's always a good chance he sees them.

Like... are y'all okay in the head? In what world is that an okay joke to make? That is his underage coworker (that he seems to have a very sweet, brotherly relationship with), did they think he would actually respond to a post like that with the implications of it?

And btw, with all the changes the tv adaptation has made (i.e. sympathetic Medusa, less abusive Gabe, etc.) and the glaring exclusion of Annabeth's crush on Luke in TLT, there's a 99.99999% chance that that line and all the implications of it to Luke and Annabeth's relationship will NOT be included in this adaptation, so there's no need for y'all to keep bringing it up with the actors (even as a joke).

I've also seen fans make weird speculations regarding the cast's parents' relationships with each other, make fan accounts for Walker's siblings, impersonate Walker's siblings, not to mention the harassment on Leah and her family that I've already spoken on ad nauseum.

Y'all say you love this cast so much and how they act like a family, but idk know if they'll be able to maintain these good working relationships for the next 6 - 8 years they're supposed to work together with this weird, invasive behavior from fans.

And for the last time, "I'm a minor" and "I'm actually younger than them" is not an adequate justification for this shit. If you claim you're old enough to use the internet unsupervised, you are old enough to take accountability for your borderline harassment, like you would have to irl.

I feel like we allow a lot of very dangerous behavior to go unchecked in fandom (and online in general) by only going after the adults who partake in it (and lets be honest, sometimes the adults are the minority with certain situations).

[genericpuff]

Hope you don't mind my asking but do you mind elaborating on why you don't like Mongie too much? I know all about why everyone dislikes Let's Play itself. There are various videos and post upon post online tearing it to shreds with criticism but I've not heard much about the creator herself like I do Rachel Smythe. Does she also run into the same issues that Rachel does or is her behavior different but equally questionable/annoying?

It's kinda equally questionable, kinda different. They both have the same issues of like, fetishizing youthfulness and creating unhealthy power dynamics. They also haven't done a great job at depicting POC in their comics, you can tell they're written by white women who don't understand other cultures but are trying to make their series more "progressive" by including stand-ins for representation.

That said, considering Let's Play is set in a real world setting, the POC characters (and the casually racist issues in their writing) are a lot more obvious than in LO (where you have to know the context that the neon-colored nymphs are based on POC to really realize that they're lower class POC people who are getting the shit end of the stick from the rich upper class main protagonists).

And I don't even mean in the usual "there aren't any POC in this comic" or "the POC in this comic are stereotypical/poorly written", I mean in the sort of white-victim-complex "I added in other ethnicities and people got mad at me anyways so what more do you want!" kind of way (paired with the "they're poorly written and stereotypical" aspect).

Dean is a good example of the stereotypical designing and writing, IIRC he's a Hispanic man but he's written like some Spanish soap opera character who flirts with every woman he sees and always has rose petals falling around him.

Even in that sentence he says "part Asian" which is weird because he's looking for Marshall who's supposed to be his best friend and it's been established in the comic that Marshall is half-Japanese, but that brings us to the other instance of mongie being casually (if not directly) racist and even more so than with Dean...

Apparently mongie thought it was a good move to say that it was "more inclusive" to make Vikki only vaguely Asian. Which is just... so not true LOL Asia is an entire continent made up of MANY different cultures and ethnicities and so generalizing all of them to just "Asian" is not a great take from someone who's trying to seem "more inclusive".

But of course, when her community called her out on this and asked her to elaborate, she and her mod team basically dug their heels in and made up excuses that made mongie out to be a victim instead of just acknowledging she made an error that didn't connect well with members of her audience.

And theeen in comes mongie ready to torch the place. Note that up until this point, it's basically been her mod team speaking up on her behalf and giving her benefit of the doubt, so when mongie DID get her chance to speak, she jumped right to:

"FINE, SHE'S HALF CHINESE HALF KOREAN THEN, STFU AND STOP ANALYZING ME WHEN I INCLUDE CHARACTERS FROM RACES THAT DON'T ALIGN WITH MY OWN !!!" (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻ is very much the vibe people got from this, understandably so. It's also odd (and extremely privileged) for her to say that she'd "rather focus on a character's personality and not their race" because it's very "I don't see color" which has been proven to be counterintuitive to understanding and celebrating different races.

And then we get a lot of self-victimizing "well I can't win no matter what so you people are ungrateful and actually it's MY feelings that are hurt" excuses:

Again it's weird because she had NO problem specifying that Marshall was half-Japanese and she didn't make him into any sort of weird stereotype like she did with Vikki. So I don't know why she's having such a hard time grasping that being vaguely Asian for Vikki isn't inclusive.

Although, let's be real here, the only reason Marshall is half-Japanese at all is because he's a self-insert of Markiplier, a half-Korean Youtuber who mongie apparently worked for on payroll as a graphic designer prior to Let's Play. Which is just a whole layer of ick that I think surpasses even Rachel Smythe and Mads Mikkelson. Like the Rachel and Mads thing is definitely creepy and weird because she's literally drawn herself - an adult woman nearing her 40's - being swept off her feet by a smoochy-faced Mads. But at least she didn't work for the guy or ever interact with him directly like mongie did with Markiplier. That's a whole separate level of "ew".

That said, mongie continues:

Which is just such a half-assed non-apology. Not "I'm sorry for misrepresenting a culture" or "I'm sorry I didn't do proper research", but "I'm sorry people think I'm being insensitive or that they need specific representation in my work that I'm claiming to be representation to be good". Completely shifting the blame from herself onto her audience for not being happy with the bare minimum that she gave them.

There's more though. Probably one of the worst parts and it's not even her, but one of her mods:

The fact that this is one of mongie's mods telling mongie's audience that her feelings - as a white woman who's just legitimately patronized her audience - are more valid than the people whose feelings were hurt by mongie being so insensitive... it's a real gross move and I can't believe they even pulled that.

Oh, and of course, as people like this tend to do, she goes on about "cancel culture" and how "terrifying" it is to her and then comes up with some imaginary scenario where a kid pays a hitman to kill her ?? as a defense for herself that really just further victimizes herself over her own misled actions ??

And this is something mongie does a lot, at least in this instance - she comes up with justifications for her decisions based on completely imaginary scenarios that she came up with and assumed, rather than just, idk, doing her research and being open to learning new things about cultures she's clearly not educated on. Shit like "well if I do xyz you'll be mad at me anyways so fuck you!"

When in reality? No one would have been mad at her if she didn't have any non-white characters in her comic. Would readers be disappointed? Probably. But - and I can't speak for everybody out there obviously so this is just my opinion - I know I'd much rather representation from someone who wanted to represent my respective groups and identities and put love and effort into it, than get it from someone who was just doing it because they made up a scenario in their head that they would be cancelled for not doing it. No one really has any tangible ground to stand on if they get mad at you for writing a cast of all-white characters you wanted to write, there are plenty of webtoons like that on the platform. We do need more stories that uplift and represent POC voices, but it shouldn't be from white victim complex people who only do it to virtue signal and ensure they don't get "cancelled". You know what WILL get you cancelled? Attempting to write other ethnicities and racial groups purely based on stereotypes for the sake of "representation" and then getting mad when people ask you to be a little more specific than "Asian".

Oh yeah, and then have your mods censor/delete any mentioning of educational resources regarding Asian cultures, and then essentially dox one of your community members by revealing their Twitter to the entire Discord group to boot!

oh boy mongie, if you think THAT'S drama, wait until you see the shit I do here LMAO

[clatterbane]

While I am evidently on a ranting roll tonight, it also really fucking bothered me that the new endocrinologist that I happened to see for a routine yearly diabetes check-in a few weeks back, after the last one moved? She apparently decided that as essentially an ethnic minority of one here, I look weird enough that it might well be pathological.

(I would probably feel a little different about it if she weren't also from anothet ethnic minority--albeit one that is MUCH more common locally and in this country at large. It doesn't hit quite the same that way, but I still found it pretty damned offensive.)

It also didn't help that my basic build helped get me treated like garbage so much under the NHS--with definite racial undertones at times. I would just as soon never hear a single word about my meat form again, which is not very directly relevant to the issue I have come in over, and in a non-fatphobic way.

But yeah, I have ended up looking like a lot of my mother's family in middle age. If one of the thinner versions these days.

Shitty crop of me with my mom, 20 years and at least 50 lbs. ago.

We have big kinda flat faces with barrel chests and big shoulders--and our arms and legs also turn skinnier-looking by comparison to the big old torso as we get older. No matter how much meat is over it (and I am still fairly scrawny now!), you are still gonna be mostly shoulders and a ribcage which is NOT dainty. Mr. C half-laughingly backed me up that half my family is just Like This, and he hasn't even seen all the extended clan together.

And the (very) extended family resemblance kinda goes farther than that. (Thus the ethnic part being very fucking relevant.) I don't always necessarily like it, but that's just how we're made.

So yeah, that new endo decided to send me to be tested for Cushing's Syndrome, entirely based on eyeballing.

Look, it's me! Go off, I guess.

(She also asked some pointed questions like whether my freakishly skinny arms made it difficult to wheel myself around in the chair. Erm, NOPE, not at all. Absolutely no symptoms other than striking her as Wrong Looking. She also recorded in the notes which I can see online, that I was getting less exercise than I said I was--very possibly mentally filtering my actual answer through that Freakish Twig Limb perception.)

What gets me even worse is that I DO totally coincidentally have experience with Cushing's, from when I got that pituitary tumor in my teens. She knew nothing about this when she brought the subject up out of the blue.

As the first medical professional to ever do so over the past 30-odd years, I might add. Nobody who has actually been aware of that history has triggered on it either.

Cushing's is very noticeable and very hard to live with! I got extremely sick, gained like 80 lbs. over a year from it, and developed the actual corticosteroid moonface then! Nobody much wanted to listen to me at the time, likely mostly because AFAB teenager! But, I do know very well what that fucking feels like!

But yeah, that thankfully got fixed and I haven't experienced symptoms for like 30 years. That whole experience was also very freaking traumatic, which is probably not helping my reaction now with it getting brought back up so bizarrely and unexpectedly. (Also, could I somehow be secretly Very Sick now without realizing it?! I do very much rationally doubt it, but doubt still keeps nagging at me.)

I guess I had better play along for now. In a way, it is good to see another demonstration that they don't seem to do the same kind of foolish pennypinching here as under the NHS. They will refer you for whatever testing they think is necessary, even if that sometimes includes a labwork wild goose chase based on some terrible assumptions! I would rather have them be thorough, even when it's dumb as hell and kinda insulting.

I am indeed pretty confident that I just look like a middle-aged $SURNAME from another freaking continent, who is also recovering from malnutrition and still pretty scrawny. (Which the doc was aware of.) I am also still feeling some kind of way about this fact setting off weird alarm bells in some new doctor that I am stuck dealing with for the foreseeable future.

I could easily make some of my own unflattering speculations based on her appearance, which was very different from my own. Sorta Marfanoid, with buggy eyes possibly indicating thyroid issues? (Maybe there's also some wider ethnic thing going on there too, for all I know. I have seen a lot more folks from her part of the world than basically anyone here has from mine!)

But yeah, that really really would not go over too well. And it's not my place either.

[urfavoritesecretadmirer]

Stuff that would get us fake claimed bc this trend is so amazing in my eyes

(And no I'm not asking to get fake claimed bc apparently I'm not allowed to make jokes)

High alter count

We don’t have an exact number, but our overall estimation is pretty high (not in the thousands but yk 100-150).

Not being able to control switches

We can’t control when we switch but it’s usually in stressful/negative situations. We also can’t control who takes front.

Alter variety

Istg, people are weird when it comes to alter variety. It’s always “oh your alters are all similar? Fake!!” Or “oh your alters are all very different? Fake!!” Our system has a lot of variety.

Has a TikTok account

“Omg, a system with social media?! Fake!!” Believe it or not, we only started our TikTok in late June of last year. We’ve known we are a system since way before that. So yes, systems can have TikTok accounts. Because I guarantee there are thousands of systems on TikTok who are not open to being a system that you will never know about.

Posts about system stuff

Damn, I didn’t know it was illegal for systems to be open about being a system. I didn’t know my literal existence, labels I choose to use, etc were taking away from the “real systems”. My apologies, Mr/ms high and mighty ceo of Reddit moderation as your 9-5.

Has simply plural

“Omg an app for systems?! And you’re using it?! As a system?! Fake!!” I’m not allowed to use one of the few useful apps that can log switches, keep track of members, send messages, help you meet other systems, make polls, make your layout look pretty if you want, etc without getting fakeclaimed. It’s almost like it’s an app for systems, and systems use it. Shocker.

Uses pluralkit

“A system using a meaningful way of communication and another good way to keep track of members?! Fake!!” Apparently redditors think that pluralkit worsens amnesia barriers and derealization. Is this true?? If so tell me, but it doesn’t happen for us. Because obviously, I’m not fronting all the time. How am I supposed to feel derealization if I’m not there?? Also it’s not like our main account profile is by default the host. Our user has <3 and our systag in the name for christs sake.

Goes to school

I know, shocker, I have a life. I’m not physically incapable of having an education as a system. And believe it or not, I have decent grades too. Systems are traumatized, not stupid (directed at that one boy at my old school).

Doesn’t want final fusion

Excuse you, but this system has been here for me and has been around since I was five (I think). I’ve only now fully accepted the fact I’m a system. I think it’d be a bit rude to just say “alr you can go now” like I don’t wanna be alone tf.

Introjects

We ain’t Introject heavy, but ig even having two introjects makes you fake. This may be a shocker, but it’s more common to have other disorders alongside DID/OSDD than to not. This, and again, this may be a shocker, but it includes ADHD and autism.

In sys relationships

Me, the host, has personally never been in an in-sys relationship. But I think in our system there’s like, two? And then there’s a lot of ‘it’s complicated’ or ‘situationship’.

Decent communication

Obviously, it could be better, but we overall have decent and healthy ways of communicating with each other. Usually it’s talking out loud or leaving little notes.

Alter intros

Because apparently it’s a crime against being neurodivergent to share about your alters. We obviously can’t share everything for obvious reasons but we want yall to get to know us.

DNI alters

This may be a hard pill to swallow, but DNI doesn’t always mean the alter is some dangerous monster. It can mean that alter is too little to be online, it could mean that alter is a social anxiety symptom holder, it could mean that alter just doesn’t like talking to people outside the system/at all. These are just a few examples. Or maybe, that alter just doesn’t wanna be fuckin interacted with. But these alters should still be acknowledged. Why? Because healing is a thing. Locking them away isn’t healthy. Maybe they want people to know not to interact with them. But noooo, all DNI alters are awful people apparently.

Other mental health disorders

We have anxiety and depression (diagnosed and genetic), medically recognized ADHD, and tics. And yes, all of our alters have tics because it's caused by your brain and we share the same brain.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hey. I originally sent this ask to virginia bc a lot of what i see usually comes from her asks, but it is also relevant to your s2 rant so wanted to ask you this too. I don’t understand what you mean by the show people are “making up in their heads”. I watched the show and then went online which was a mistake since a lot of book content was being revealed to me, so I read a couple of the books for context. Still I disagree with a lot of the takes I have seen. How is lestat being “big bad patriarchal” something that people are making up in their heads? Why is it that when the vamps are having good moments we can agree “that they are married!” and “that’s their daughter!” but when it’s bad moments all of a sudden it’s “they’re vampires so it’s not domestic abuse and lestat is not big bad patriarchal”? I understand that a lot will be revisited in s2, but s1 is Louis’ account of things and what he is showing us is very much big bad lestat so idk how that can be something people are making up in their heads. I’ve noticed that while a lot of the speculation for s2 draws from the books (obvi), they don’t take into consideration that some things just don’t work anymore because of the change in the level of violence shown, and bc these characters are Black! Like Louis or Claudia lying about their abuse would be incredibly problematic, so would a revisit of Lily showing that she’s shady/a villain. (And i feel like you agree with this so idk why you say you’ll block ppl who say this). I understand where the theories are coming from, but having these things play out would actually be racist and calling it bad writing if it happened would be very valid criticism! It’s very important to be critical of these things even if it comes from an otherwise very good show!

I’ve also seen stuff about making fun of people complaining that Assad and Jacob are not being paired together, when that is also a valid complaint/want (and I’m positive they’ll be paired together more as they keep promoting s2). I’m excited for loumand even after reading some of the books and knowing that Loustat (or just lestat) is the center of the VC, but the second half of book iwtv definitely centers Loumand, and even before reading the books my expectation was still a centering of those two characters. Don’t get me wrong I am a huge jam reiderson fanatic (literally started watching the show bc I saw that trivia with jam reiderson video) but I am also excited to see Jassad!!! Another incredibly important reason that people are excited for this pairing is of course that they are a queer interracial poc couple!! In fantasy no less!! So it’s understandable that people (myself included if you couldn’t tell lol) would be excited to see them together outside the show as well!! And making fun of them looking forward to it is like not great. So far the stuff ive seen ab press pairing is ppl being eager to see Jassad, but over here it reads as “haha no jassad we told you so” which is so incredibly weird. Again, I’m trying not to come off as like aggressive, and I get that being accused of being racist is obviously not a great thing to receive, but I do think that a refusal to examine or question why people think certain decisions would be racist is also not great.

I feel like a lot of the times when fans are pointing out the racism in the fandom and stuff, it gets taken as them being hateful and aggressive etc etc, but like idk it’s hard to be nice when you see things that are clearly so problematic and it gets glossed over in the fandom. Idk if you’ll answer this but I just thought it was important to share.

Okay, you know, I'll bite. Once.

"Making fun of people is not great". "being accused of being racist is obviously not a great thing to receive, but I do think that a refusal to examine or question why people think certain decisions would be racist is also not great"

"I’ve noticed that while a lot of the speculation for s2 draws from the books (obvi), they don’t take into consideration that some things just don’t work anymore because of the change in the level of violence shown, and bc these characters are Black! Like Louis or Claudia lying about their abuse would be incredibly problematic, so would a revisit of Lily showing that she’s shady/a villain."

Let's examine these, shall we.

Just because Louis and Claudia are black now, they are NOT different characters. If you had read my rant, and listened to the sources, read the interviews, then you would KNOW that. You would know that JACOB (and Bailey) have said that. LITERALLY.

A certain part of the fandom keeps saying this, but that is just... not it. And I get where it's coming from! But they already confirmed that the characters are still the book characters. And the people (including you?) who keep worrying that point just don't want to acknowledge their stance being wrong.

But that is not something that >I< am making up.

Which, in turn, negates your argument.

Also, everything shown in s1 will be put into context in s2, as already said - also something I more than laid out in the rant. That includes the "violence". Again, that's been said.

When the racial changes became clear for Louis and Armand (and Claudia) some of the book fans winced, NOT BECAUSE OF THE CHANGE ITSELF, but because you know, we KNOW what's coming.

All the show fans now claiming Lestat was sooo bad for Louis... oh you haven't seen Armand. Armand will literally gaslight Louis, make him do things against his will (things that will have Louis say he lost the last of his humanity!), isolate him by KILLING CLAUDIA and the coven (intentionally! so he can have him to himself!), and spell-bind him, repeatedly. Armand will chop off Claudia's head and sew it onto another's body to see what happens. And then send her into the sun, to burn.

He will also, as has already been made clear now, "tinker" with Louis' memories.

You think that's cute?! Wholesome? Because they're POC now? Oh sweetie. This show will pull the rug out from under you. And that is not meant as belittling. These things will happen. They dialed up the (absolutely existing) themes to 10 in s1, they will do so once more in s2.

And lastly, re the fun, and being accused of things.

Go and read through the comments of "Laden as the sea". Read what I wrote in the notes, and why, and then what people threw at me. Come on, go ahead. It's a ride. I did not delete ONE comment. None. They're all there. Some of the commenters have edited their comments, so the still-up one is not the one they initially wrote, but I get mails for all comments, so... I've read them.

And I'm not even talking about the shit here.

Oh, and I didn't say that the patriarchal and abuse themes were made up. Which you would also know if you had actually read my rant.

And, again, if you had really read what I've written, you would know that I wrote this: if I‘m going to see anyone scream “bad writing“ or “Louis being made a liar or the memories revisited/changed is racism“ when the changes will hit I‘m just gonna block you.

And that... has nothing to do with the problematic things that might arise from the revisits, because of course there are many traps there to consider, because of the racial change. That I agree with.

But it's not bad writing, or racism, if and when these things happen.

It's just not what some people want to happen. And that is what I mean with the "story made up in their heads".

If you really read the books, then you would know what's coming.

Because this show is made by book fans. It might be good to remember that.

[wolfiemcwolferson]

Logan, beloved, can i bribe you to write me piarles and 4. "I think you're too far away." pleeeaasseeee 💕

Hi babyyyyyyy

The message that comes through is obviously not meant for him.

Charles reads it and rereads it and is very careful not to type.

Pierre is online but he also knows Charles frequently leaves his phone lying around unlocked and open on a message thread, so as long as he’s not typing, Pierre can’t see that he’s seen it.

But…Charles wants the message to be for him.

He reads and rereads it again and waits for Pierre to send another through to apologize - to say he meant it for the new girl he’s talking to, but that doesn’t happen.

I think you’re too far away.

Charles doesn’t even know what that means, but it feels…

His phone rings.

It’s Pierre. A screenshot Charles took of one of his Alpine TikTok’s taking up his entire screen. He had changed it to make Pierre feel bad about having that meme screenshot as Charles’ contact picture.

Charles answers it only because he knows that Pierre will call again, keep calling until he answers.

“Cha.” Pierre says, a little drunk - Charles can tell because he’s known him his whole life it seems - being in love with him has no bearing on this.

“Hello, Pierre. You are having a cheat day, I see.” Charles pronounces each syllable clearly. Pierre always says “huh” a lot when he’s drunk.

“I think you are too far away.” Pierre insists, ignoring him. “I think you should be here with me. You know that I always want you with me.”

He keeps emphasizing with me, and Charles is on fire.

“Pierrot, where is Ben?” He’s trying to laugh, but Pierre makes a frustrated noise. Like he does when he doesn’t feel heard.

“You should be with me, Charles. Do you understand?”

But before Charles can answer him, the phone goes dead.

A text from Ben three minutes later saying that he is with Pierre is the only thing not sending him into a blind panic.

Okay, take care of him.

Ben sends back a thumbs up and Charles lays on the couch for five hours and stares and the ceiling and tries to stuff it all back inside.

.

Pierre texts him a link to a kid fundraising for a kart two days later and then they just…go back to normal.

They don’t speak about it, but now Charles has something underneath his skin that feels like…hope maybe.

Pierre obviously doesn’t want to talk about it but it feels like maybe he wants Charles too. Maybe Charles isn’t…

Every touch in the paddock is amplified and every touch outside of the paddock feels like it has the potential to go somewhere even though Charles knows that’s ridiculous, but it feels that way.

Until.

Until they’re dancing in the private room of some club, whole place packed full of F1 adjacent people and Pierre is dancing with this girl, one hand on her hip, face in her neck and Charles wonders if he didn’t imagine the entire thing - the phone call, the weirdness after, the touches that linger sometimes.

It’s too hot in here and he needs - he needs air and to not look at Pierre as he decide to take this girl home and so he stumbles out the back door where he knows there will be cars.

He pulls his phone out and texts the group he’s here with - Pierre included.

Going back to the hotel.

And then he gets in one of the cars, tells them where he’s going.

Joris will be pissed, but he’s always pissy about something. Charles cannot make him happy all the time.

He debates a shower, but he doesn’t want to sleep in the bed all damp and disgusting from club sweat, so he goes to shower, plugging his phone in on the charger there so he can play music too loudly and drown out the images of Pierre touching that girl.

He’s the one that packed for this trip so he’s stuck using hotel shampoo and it’s going to wreck his hair, but he’s clean and he’s exhausted and he’s -

Pierre.

Pierre is sitting on the end of his bed, twirling a key card in his hands.

“You should tell the front desk not to give cards out.” He holds it up. “Remember, that’s how that girl got into George’s room. By convincing the front desk she was his WAG.”

Charles wants to snatch it out of his hand and throw it to the ground, but he’s standing with a towel wrapped around his waist and he doesn’t really know what Pierre is doing here.

“I did the same you know? Joris will kill me for making him send that refresher about their NDA, but I batted my eyelashes a bit and told her my super secret boyfriend was up here. Showed her my lock screen.” And then Pierre flips his phone so Charles can see and Charles is having a hard time breathing.

He didn’t even know that photo existed. The two of them in Pierre’s kitchen, Charles looking at the eggs in the pan rather angrily and Pierre smiling - the two of them shirtless and comfortable and smiling obviously in each other’s space.

“Cha,” Pierre whispers. “I do not want to pretend I did not say what I said anymore.”

Charles cannot fucking breathe.

“I think you’re too far away. Do you think you can -“

Charles doesn’t let him finish that sentence, he’s on him, pining him to the bed and hovering over him, feeling the way Pierre’s hands automatically grip his waist, thumbs soothing over her skin.

Pierre is grinning, that soft smile that Charles only sees in moments that Pierre feels safe and happy in. “Don’t want to pretend I don’t want you anymore.”

“Okay,” is all Charles manages to say, but then Pierre is flipping them and Charles is being kissed, being touched, being held.

.

Pierre misses his flight the next day and Joris comes to find him in Charles’ room.

“The two of you together are going to be such an issue.”

“Especially because you’re here without breakfast.” Pierre grouses. “Also, you will have to start knocking. We are both naked under here so unless you want -“

The door slams and Charles is helplessly giggling into Pierre’s bicep. “Pierre!”

Pierre dips down to kiss him again, again, again. “He will have to start knocking. Now that I have you -“

Charles surges up to kiss him again, taking his hand and guiding it where he wants it. “Now that you have me.”

[lowkeyrobin]

MCYT ; you ride a bike

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, & quackity

warnings ; language

I love passenger princessing my mom on her trike so here's this

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he's absolutely mortified to get on the back with you at first

you convince him to just ride him around the neighborhood nice and slow and he over time gets used to it because you suggest going short distances on it rather than taking a bus and stuff

he grows on it though

his helmet has some stickers on it, one literally says tommyinnit.store in bold font 💀💀💀

either holds on the sidebars thatre there for him to hold or around your waist

he finds the wind against him therapeutic

the butterflies when you turn around and ask if he's okay, especially when it's dark and cold

constantly snapping jack, freddie & tubbo pictures of him on your bike/riding around with you/where you go

posts a lot of pictures on his Instagram

most of them are you & the scenery

"do you wanna learn how to drive a bike?"

"no???"

he unironically loves shouting at shit drivers who cut you off or try to get you killed

"WATCH IT ASSHOLE! YOU ALMOST GOT US KILLED, USE A BLINKER NEXT TIME!"

loves going over bridges

if he has somewhere to be after a ride, he'll gladly show up with his hair a mess and ass hurting since you need to put a few more pounds of air in his seat LMAO

"okay, so-"

"Tommy, why are you limping?"

RANBOO

he's 50/50 on being scared and wanting to get on with you

they man up and just do it after lots of reassuring

so many pictures lmao

litters his helmet with stickers and white marker doodles

has a sticker of the boober particle + one that just says ranboo.fashion in comic sans

he finds the air against him very therapeutic

loves going down backroads and finding new restaurants

always taking pictures, mostly of you

loves wearing his R800 jacket cause it keeps him warm + free promo

makes "I'll jump off rn" jokes

likes spreading his arms out like an eagle and will yell over the engine LMAO

loves bumps even though they'll hurt immediately after

FREDDIE BADLINU

you ask if he wants to come and he shrugs with a yeah

his first ride was at night so he got to enjoy all the lights and night life

takes a bunch of pictures and videos and sends them to Bill or Tommy

changes his insta bio to "my biker partners passenger prince" + bonus points if that's how he softlaunches your relationship

convinces you to go through a drive thru

eating lunch in the sun was a 10/10, will do it again

takes some cute pictures at stops/lights where he's leaning onto you a bit and he holds the phone in front of you to get both of you

wears dumbass hoodies/jackets w the dumb shit on the back to make ppl look at him weird or smile a bit

he'll show up to Tommy's live show (part of the bit) with messy hair and come on stage and tommy will look at him confused

Freddie asks him what's wrong and tommy just points and circles around his hair and the crowd laughs

"I was with my partner"

cue the laughing

"wait what?" Tommy laughs

"we were riding around the city before we got here, sorry"

NIKI NIHACHU

she thinks it's so cool, trust me

but like Tommy, she's very nervous to get on at first

you take her for a little ride around a parking lot and she's like "Okay I liked that let's actually go now"

her helmet has all sorts of stickers on it, but they're placed to look cool

there's a snake hide looking one down the middle and some cool patterned ones on the sides

she loves the wind in her hair and the feeling of being free

loves taking pictures of the scenery and even using you as a model

loves posting those pictures online for her fans to see

her editor fans always edit the pictures you two take together when you're out and about and whatnot it's so cool

you custom made her a leather jacket that fit her aesthetic

and she's super attached to it

she'll change her insta bio to "that one biker chicks girlfriend" LMAO

she spoils you like you're the one with the large social media platform its adorable

ALEX QUACKITY

"SINCE WHEN THE HELL DID YOU RIDE A BIKE???"

he thinks it's really badass tho

he'll gladly jump on with you

he's honestly scared after getting on but loses the fear pretty quickly

lovesss holding his arms out like a bird it's so fun to him

constantly asking you to tighten his helmet LMFAO

he finds it really entertaining in general

although if he's not wearing a full face covering helmet and wearing one of the head covering ones, you'll have to listen to his wailing later

his hair isn't long enough to completely pull back and the wind obviously tangles it up bad

so you gotta sit him down and try and carefully like de-matte his hair

he loves taking pictures and posting them tho, especially ones of you LMAO

sometimes he'll go the extra mile to give it a corny caption too

you change his insta bio to "passenger prince of the year"

always feels a little special and giggly when you ask if he's okay, especially when it's getting darker and much colder

"I told you to just wear the-"

"I know! please just do it for me! it hurts!"

"either grow your hair out or wear the other, lex"

[bookwyrminspiration]

Call me out if I’m wrong here, but I feel like sometimes, when you’re in this fandom, there’s a lot of contradictory?

I feel like not that long ago people were upset that others were saying they didn’t like something, so wording changed.

I do believe that we should be honest on whether or not we like something (while being kind/gracious about it), but that might be the reason why some people are more nervous to just come out and say it?

Again I may be so incredibly wrong; I’ve been dipping my toes in and out of the fandom for a while now.

I think you have a valid point. There's a lot of people in the fandom, and we have different opinions, some of which contradict each other. Sometimes one view dominates, then the other. We vacillate and change, which is only natural.

Regarding the recent wording change, I'm not sure what specific thing that was in response to--there was some conversation in the vein of "if you don't like it, why are you here?" Which was more in response to the overwhelming negativity the series has started to accrue with the long interims, its current direction, and fans getting older. The sort of "people don't want to hear about how much you hate the thing they love." Even if you've established yourself as a fan of it previously.

Which I think can coexist alongside simply saying you don't like something. I can say the new cover isn't really hitting for me without tearing it apart and making those who really enjoy it feel bad, you know? I don't mind it, understand why it's like that, and appreciate Jason Chan's artistic prowess, but that doesn't make it interesting to look at.

But you're right, there's been this push to justify why you dislike things, at least in online spaces. So it's harder/makes people nervous to say "I just don't like this." Myself included. Instead it's "this was rushed" "this was last minute" "Shannon's publishers are pressuring her" "her editor's are pressuring her" etc.

Which, again, is entirely possible. Writing and publishing is hard; it takes a lot of work and pleasing the industry isn't easy. But there are points where--I think--people approach it with bad faith.

To use the cover as an example again, a lot of people are saying it's rushed. Possible. But is there a history of rushing covers? Not that we've seen, all the others have been spectacular, detailed, and thorough. What would they gain by rushing it? They could meet deadlines sooner, have something to share with the audience since we're in a weird period. But they could also damage their marketing with a subpar product, especially given the series' popularity. Why do we think the cover looks rushed? Its simplicity, its different mood. But, again, Shannon said that was intentional. There's Keefe's appearance, which is really hit or miss for people. I don't think Keefe not looking as attractive as people imagine/want is a result of rushing, but because there's an impossible standard for him as The Boy of the series. And so on and so forth.

The point of that being we've come to this conclusion, I think, hastily. While book 9.5 wasn't the original plan so of course timelines change, I don't think S&S has a history or motive to rush. There's already an established precedent for delays when necessary, the cover came out later than others, and there's (i think) a solid, purposeful reason the mood is different.

Could I be wrong? Absolutely. But the rapidity of the conclusion and with how much it feels we've been outsourcing our dislike the past few years I'm started to feel a little skeptical. Boy who cried wolf kinda thing. Was it rushed again, or do we just not like it? Feels like a slapstick explanation without further examination

And of course you don't have to analyze everything, but some things are a bit more complex, you know?

Point is: I think we're overusing these explanations (pressured, rushed) and at this point if we don't delve further into it it starts to lose its meaning. There is an argument for being rushed and pressured! But without getting into it, I can't tell if we're thinking it through or just avoiding saying we don't like something for fear of judgment/reprisal.

[mariaofdoranelle]

Where Do We Stand?

A oneshot inside the Look At Us Now AU

Written for Rowaelin Month day 6: Rowaelin

This happens around a year and a half before where the current story starts! I wrote it for this event so it can be read even if you don’t know the AU 🫶

Also I wrote half of this in bed on my phone because I’m having a labyrinthitis crisis please be nice to me and my fic with very little editing

Warnings: mild (?) smut, language, a destroyed house, a toddler (Maisie’s on FIRE)

Word count: 3,8k

In and out. In and out.

Sam’s face was scrunched up in concentration, holding Aelin’s hip as he rode her.

It was not the best sex she’d ever had, but it was some sex, which was better than nothing.

He was panting. “How do you like that, babe?”

“Oh… yes. So good,” Aelin praised. Her chest felt a little tight as she not lied, but emphasized her enthusiasm. Sam was trying, but sex with him was… well, it was vanilla.

He fucked her gently, choked her weirdly, had thin moans, and spanked her a little too softly. At least she came every time. Even if it wasn’t mind-blowing, it was still a win.

Sam stopped when Aelin’s phone started ringing.

She grabbed it from his nightstand with one swift motion and—

Rowan.

Sam ground his teeth together. “Are you going to take it?”

“It could be anything from a lost toy to a house fire,” she explained while swiping to answer the phone.

“Hey. Are you busy?”

She quickly glanced at Sam, phone tightly clutched to her ear. “Kinda.”

She could hear his sigh from the other side of the phone. “Lorcan’s busy, and Sellene’s out of town—”

“Spill, Rowan.”

When he hurriedly told her what happened, Aelin’s only reaction was to tell him she’d be there in a few and hang up the phone.

Sam didn’t protest, but he didn’t look happy either. Aelin winced when he pulled out. Gods, she didn’t even remember he was still inside her.

“Is she alright?”

“Not a house fire, thank Mala.”

“Are you sure you need to go?” He asked with a cautious, uncertain tone.

Aelin sighed. “She’s a toddler, Sam. I can be needed for a lot of things that aren’t life-threatening.”

He nodded. “I could go with you. Be an extra set of hands.”

She suppressed a grimace. “In the middle of a toddler crisis?”

“You told me it wasn’t an emergency.”

Aelin knew what he was tiptoeing around, and she didn’t have time for this conversation again. The one about taking the next step in their relationship and introducing him to Maisie.

Sam was a good guy. He was kind, and had a stable career as a heart doctor. Everyone at the hospital liked him—including pediatric patients.

Aelin didn’t know why she balked every time Sam asked to become official. 

It was the next step for them. And Aelin wanted to take it, but she wouldn’t do it until that weird feeling on her chest eased when she considered it. She wouldn’t introduce anyone into Maisie’s life until being completely certain of it.

“Are you coming back after?” He whispered on her ear, hands on her hips after they got dressed.

“I don’t know. Probably not,” Aelin said, and she meant it.

She gave him a quick kiss on the lips and hurried to Rowan’s place.

Earlier that day

It was a bit past 5 am when Rowan came to terms with the fact that Maisie would not fall asleep again.

His daughter’s last molar teeth were coming out, and he didn’t know if he felt more frustrated or relieved.

They were late, and Rowan didn’t know why. He searched online, talked about it with Aelin, took Maisie to the dentist, and the only answer we got was that he was supposed to wait.

Was it a vitamin thing? Lack of calcium? What would happen if she grew up without molar teeth? What if her teeth came out, but something was wrong with it? Couldn’t they check them with a X-ray? What if they wouldn’t come out until something else was fixed? Was this a sign of some bigger disease?

Rowan was almost losing his mind until Maisie’s gums got way too swollen to not be teething. He finally relaxed, getting this weight off his shoulders, until he remembered in the worst way the nightmare that teething was.

More specifically in her case, the irritability and sleepless nights that led to more irritability.

“I DON’T LIKE GIRLED CHEESE,” his daughter screamed at the top of her lungs, crying when he told her he’d make grilled cheese for breakfast.

Maisie loved grilled cheese.

Rowan returned the bread to its container and sighed.

“Cereal, then?”

“My tummy hurts.” She eyed him warily. “I need to go to the pool to feel better.”

Rowan forced the corners of his lips to not tug up. If Maisie sees him smile at this, she’d remember she has him wrapped around her little finger, and Rowan would lose his chance of bargaining with her.

“We can’t leave the house if you don’t eat breakfast, Mais.”

When his daughter’s lips started wobbling, Rowan knew he needed to think fast. He already had a headache from not sleeping, he’d do anything to avoid a tantrum now.

None of his offers worked, though. She trashed and screamed and cried, only stopping when he said he’d take her to the pool and buy her a popsicle there if she ate her breakfast.

After making Maisie’s grilled cheese and an unholy amount of coffee for himself, he called Lorcan.

“What,” his friend greeted, cheerful as ever.

“I’m taking Maisie to the pool. Wanna come with Charlie?”

Rowan and Lorcan weren’t the most talkative duo, but they hung out a lot because they were neighbors with kids around the same age. Well, they used to be friends before the kids too, but now it seemed like the only thing they talked about was potty training and tricks to minimize picky eating.

“Sorry man, we have a thing with Ellie’s parents. Next week?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He hung up the phone and made a mental note to pack more pool toys, since they were going alone this time.

“Daddy…”

Rowan turned to Maisie, rubbing his face to focus on her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I do like girled cheese.”

“That’s great, Mais.” He put a smile on, but it came out faint. Even the muscles on his face were feeling heavy.

The pool was actually a great idea. His goal was to get his daughter worked up so she’d feel tired enough to sleep the whole night through. He had no idea why he didn’t think of that before.

Rowan got the table closest to the children’s pool and bought her promised popsicle. She was eating it next to him when she saw a man with low stature pass by them, holding a girl’s hand.

“OH NO!” Maisie boomed and pointed, voice ringing. “That little girl only has a tiny little daddy!”

Rowan’s eyes widened, his blood rushing into his cheeks. Gods, he had no words for his daughter sometimes.

The man hurried his steps, not giving them a chance to apologize.

“Maisie Whitethorn,” he chastised, tone low and firm. “You cannot call other people tiny, you hear me?”

He regretted the way he’d said it the moment her eyes watered and she started weeping.

Rowan sighed, running a hand through his hair. He placed Maisie on his lap and hang his head low while he soothed her. He was so fucking tired. He didn’t mean to make her cry. Again.

Rowan stayed at the table when Maisie decided it was time to jump into the pool. Sellene once told him Aelin’s great at introducing herself to people so their daughter could make quick friends to play with, and watching Maisie play alone in the pool sent a pang through his chest.

Rowan wasn’t very sociable or charismatic, and he never missed those things either, except when it came to his daughter. Truth was, he didn’t even know how to do that. Should he introduce himself to the kids? That would be creepy. Ask the parents if his daughter could play? Better than the first option, but it sounded awkward.

Maisie seemed happy with the water toys, though. He’d do the awkward thing if she starts to look bored.

The head that rested on his hand began to feel a little too heavy, as much as his eyes. He could feel his eyelids closing, slowly—

Rowan jerked upright. What the fuck? He shouldn’t blink an eye while his daughter was surrounded by strangers like this.

He got up, splashed a handful of water from the pool on his face, and tried to keep himself awake by reading a book about potty training he bought yesterday. The worst part had gone by, but Maisie still struggled—

“DADDY!” His daughter called him, grinning.

Rowan smiled back. It was good to see his daughter this happy after the morning they had.

“What, Mais?”

She giggled before shouting, “MY POO IS SWIMMING!”

Following the direction she pointed, indeed, there was a blob of poop floating around the pool.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

In the blink of an eye, Rowan grabbed the plastic bag that came with the book he bought, jumped at the children’s pool and seized his daughter’s poop.

He held the plastic bag with one hand and Maisie’s with another while he went away, but his daughter would not leave the pool without a fight. As if the horrified looks from everyone weren’t enough. God, had they never seen a toddler being gross before?

“We’re leaving, Mais.”

“But why?” She whined.

“Come on.” He tugged at her hand.

Maisie whimpered. “Is it because of my poo?”

“Yes,” he gritted out.

She cried harder.

And on the way home. And when they were arriving home and she calmed down, they went back to square one because of fucking bath time.

“Why do I need a bath?”

Rowan took a deep breath. “Why do you think you need a bath?”

“NO!” His toddler shouted. “I DON’T WANNA THINK!”

He crouched so he’d be around Maisie’s height. “You need to shower because you went to the pool. And pooped in it.”

“I didn’t want to leave the pool!” She argued, lips wobbling while the first tears started to shed.

Rowan loved his daughter. So, so much. He would not snap at Maisie. He would not snap at Maisie. He took a deep breath.

“I know, honey, but we had to.”

“YOU’RE MEAN!” His daughter yelled. “I was happy, and you made all my happy feelings go kaboom!”

After many, many attempts of him trying to reason with a three-year-old, Rowan managed to give his daughter a shower. Maisie did cry because she wanted her mother and screamed bloody murder when it was time to rinse her hair, but they made it out alive.

Bath time had been an issue lately. Aelin liked to make a fucking show while bathing Maisie, with singing and stories and practically performing a puppet show with her toys, and their daughter loved it. The only problem was when she expected Rowan to do the same. No matter how hard he tried, he’d never get the voices or the story—or anything, really—right.

Lunch was as bad as the rest of the day. She cried because the meatballs were too big. Then she cried because she couldn’t cut them herself. So Rowan cut them for her, and she cried more because she decided she wanted the meatballs whole, not cut.

Rowan really wanted to call Aelin and ask her if Maisie was this moody yesterday too, but stopped himself. He didn’t have the mental strength to deal with Aelin Galathynius now.

And you know what? Fuck limited screen time. After lunch, Rowan turned the TV on a low-stimulating show, set Maisie on her little play mat with all the closest toys he could find and decided he’d rest on the couch until he felt like himself again.

He would do whatever the hell Maisie wanted now. Happy toddler means happy dad, and that would be enough for the rest of the day.

This children’s show… it’s really soothing, isn’t it? Rowan could feel his eyes dropping, his limbs relaxing…

Nope. No lying on the couch for him. Bad, bad idea. He got into a seating position and rolled his shoulders back. What was up with him today? Rowan was a drill instructor. He not only knew how to live under the hardest situations, he taught people how to do that.

If he survived the military, he could survive a toddler.

~~

Rowan jolted awake with his daughter’s screams.

He jumped from the couch and followed the sound of her voice, barely registering that his living room was completely covered in paint—floors, furniture, everything.

He entered the kitchen, immediately slipped on the unusually slippery tiles, and busted his hip. It was definitely going to bruise, but his focus now was sliding on the floor until he could get to Maisie.

His daughter was crying because she tried to climb on a drawer as if she were a house cat. And it obviously fell down with her weight.

He sat on the floor, hushing the little girl and repeating over and over that it’s okay.

He didn’t know if he was soothing Maisie or himself.

It was like a tornado had stormed through his kitchen.

The floor was a mix of soap, flour and cereal. Maisie had opened every singled bottom cabinet he owned and thrown its contents on the floor. She drew a sketch all over her face, and looked so dirty it looked like she had gone through an idiotic Youtube prank. And there also was the drawer she just broke, of course.

Rowan breathed in.

He would not scream at his daughter.

Breathed out.

He shouldn’t have slept.

Breathed in.

It was his fault. She was just a toddler.

Breathed out.

He would not scream at his daughter.

He didn’t want to ask her for help, but he needed someone to keep Maisie on a fucking leash so he could finish cleaning this mess today. Aelin was needed, even if her reaction would be somewhere between her shouting at him and… her shouting at him.

Rowan slowly, very slowly dialed her, resigned to his fate even before the shock passed.

“Hey,” he said when she picked up. “Are you busy?”

˜˜

Rowan was greeted with a loud cackle when Aelin came in. She immediately picked Maisie up and smacked their daughter with a kiss, not caring that it’d mess her clothes.

He looked around his trashed living room and sighed. “Don’t worry, the kitchen’s worse.”

Aelin’s eyes widened. You are so fucked, she mouthed when their daughter couldn’t see. “And what happened to your face?”

His phone was out of his pocket in a second, and Rowan groaned when he saw the sketch that had become his nose and cheeks. Very close to the dot on the nose and black lines on the cheeks that Maisie had on.

“Tigers!” The little girl giggled, pointing between her face and Rowan’s.

Aelin was trying to look serious now, but she still bumped her kid’s little nose, or the black paint in it. “You did a big mess, you know that, Maisy Daisy? Are you going to help your dad clean that up?”

Maisie frowned.

“Well, we need to,” Aelin continued, already walking into his house with Maisie in her arms to give her a bath. “If we don’t help your dad clean the kitchen, how are we going to have dinner?” She talked to her daughter until the bathroom door was closed, and Rowan couldn’t hear it anymore.

He resumed his work, thanking Mala that Maisie used the washable paint on the living room’s wooden floor. The back porch’s water hose was long enough to reach a bit of the kitchen, which would help him too.

The damage was done, now he just had to scrub. In fact, now that Aelin could look after Maisie, he felt a lot calmer about the situation.

Aelin. The light mood she was in surprised him, and Rowan hoped he hadn’t crashed her plans, given the light-blue sundress—

Rowan stopped, his jaw suddenly tight. The only thing that brought him back was the realization the water coming in a higher speed because he was squeezing the hose too much, making a bit of a mess.

He went back to work, but not without shaking off the fact that he had a good idea where she was at. With whom, actually.

Rowan couldn’t even ask her because he wasn’t supposed to know shit. Their deal was that they only needed to tell before the other introduced their partner to Maisie. But Aelin told Elide, who told Lorcan, who told Rowan about a month ago about this new boy toy of hers.

Just be prepared, Lorcan told him. And Rowan did. He prepared himself for days.

He paced around his house, thinking of the right questions to ask when the time came, and the right way to ask them. Sellene helped him find the guy’s social media. He seemed okay, but would be good enough for Maisie? He doubted it.

Rowan just knew he’d be a shitty step parent.

He posts Live, Laugh, Love Facebook captions. With the wrong capitalization. Is that the kind of example she wants to set for Maisie?

And Rowan wouldn’t even mention that horrendous yellow filter on his pictures.

Those were just facts. As someone who’s Maisie’s parent and close to nothing to Aelin, his opinion was completely unbiased.

He wanted Aelin to be happy. She was his child’s mother, of course he wanted her to be happy.

But not with Cortland.

When the girls came to the kitchen, Aelin decided to reorganize the cabinets and wash the food containers Maisie threw on the floor. They gave the little girl a cloth to wipe a thing or another, but making her ‘clean her own mess’ was more like a moral lesson than anything else. They couldn’t expect much cleaning from a three-year-old.

“You didn’t give your mom a hard time during bath time, right, Mais?”

“We played sumbarine!” The little girl giggled like she hadn’t turned bath time into a nightmare earlier today. Hell, she was lucky she was cute.

Aelin snorted. “She was fine.” A pause. “Rowan, I need to talk to you about something.”

Now?

Aelin was going to tell him about Cortland now?

His blood turned to ice, and Rowan’s stomach was rioting against her next words. He ignored it and swallowed down whatever that was, burying it as deep as he could. “Go on.”

“Rowan…” she sighed. “You don’t need to wait until after the worst was happened to ask me to come, you know?”

“No, I don’t.” He frowned, confused. What was she talking about?

Turning to him from the sink, she wiped her hands on her dress and rest her hip against the counter. “Look, I know we have the whole 50/50 schedule figured out, but the timetables aren’t that rigid even in the military.”

Rowan opened his mouth to speak, but Aelin lifted her finger, letting him know she wasn’t done.

“You didn’t sleep a wink the whole night, and you didn’t think of asking me too look after my own daughter while you take a break? Seriously?” She took a deep breath, calming herself, and ran a hand through her hair. “I swear to God, Rowan, you’ll call me literally anytime, except when you actually need me.”

His posture slumped, but he didn’t stop scrubbing. He’d get defensive any other day, but Rowan felt so fucking tired. He didn’t have anything in him to have this conversation now, so he opted for changing the subject.

“Thanks for coming, by the way.”

Her posture relaxed, eyes slowly softening. “Yeah. I saved your—“

Aelin stopped herself before she could say an improper word in front of Maisie. But she did, indeed, save his sorry ass.

“You saved me,” he rephrased her thoughts in a proper way.

“You bet I did,” she quietly said around a small smile.

It took a long time to finish cleaning up, but sooner than he thought, thanks to Aelin. She spent half the time helping him, the other wrangling Maisie so she wouldn’t get in his way. It was exactly what he needed. Besides, something about having his house in perfect order was incredibly soothing. He was still exhausted, but scrubbing his kitchen clean with little to no disturbance helped him calm down.

Now the three of them were eating popcorn while watching a TV because it was the best they could do after this day.

Aelin tapped his shoulder from the other side of the couch.

After being awake the majority of last night, one morning at the pool, one trashed house and trying to interrupt a deep-cleaning session, Maisie Galathynius Whitethorn had finally fallen asleep.

The score was still four to one to teething, but at this exact moment, Rowan felt like he won.

Aelin picked Maisie up from the couch, but apparently her daughter’s sleep wasn’t that deep yet.

“No,” she protested. “More movies.”

Aelin chuckled and whispered, “We can’t watch another movie, Mais.”

Maisie’s head was falling to the side with drowsiness, but she was stubborn as ever. “Can I watch the same movie again?”

“No…” Aelin bumped the little girl’s nose. “But you’re a very smart cookie.”

Maisie frowned. “I’m not a cookie.”

She chuckled. “Sorry, kiddo.”

“Not a kiddo,” the little girl mumbled.

Aelin walked toward their daughter’s bedroom and Rowan sighed, relieved that she didn’t protest. This time.

“You’re not a cookie. You’re not a kiddo,” Aelin said on her way. “What are you, then?”

“I’m a Maisie.”

Rowan couldn’t see them, but he could still hear his daughter’s answer, spoken as softly as the kiss Aelin smacked on the little girl.

His whole body relaxed when he heard quiet footsteps coming back. It’s not like he didn’t want Maisie awake and here with them, he was just exhausted from the day. From the week, actually.

“Is she out?”

Aelin snorted. “Like the dead.” She looked around, not really knowing what do with herself and the weird silence that settled. “Don’t you wanna sleep some too? I can make myself scarce.”

Rowan’s body was, indeed, screaming for some rest. He didn’t know what happened when his mouth blurted the opposite thing.

”I was thinking about another movie.” He scratched the back of his head. “Preferably one that doesn’t involve ballerinas and talking animals.”

That seemed to perk Aelin’s interest up. “Like something with assassins?”

“Or spies.”

“Wars.”

“Blood.” He gave a pointed glance to the half-empty popcorn bowl. “And I can make more of these.”

“Good.” She grinned and sat back on the couch, turning the TV on. “I’ll find out what our options are.”

Aelin’s glaze darted back between Rowan and the bowl, silently telling him to rush with the popcorn.

God, how long did he stand there, staring at her?

That day kept getting weirder and weirder. Rowan didn’t want to complain more than he already did, though.

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[preciadosbass]

3/8/24

woke up at 10 to my dad shaking me, he seemed in so much more of a better mood than the past few days, which is good. i told him about the frank, mikey and gerard sightings [even though i’d already told him about gerards] and we joked for a bit. i don’t really remember what about but it made me feel good. i had my breakfast while showing him a few tiktok’s related to bands i like and stuff. not to mention i obviously cuddled boris the second i saw him. also, saw the RAY TORO PHOTO AAA HES ALIVE

after fussing boris some more i went back to sleep at 11:50 because i felt like my eyes were forcefully being pryed open.. took a while to actually get to sleep because of how hot it is. i eventually did and woke up 2ish. my mum and sister had already left to go out as my sister found out one of her online friends she games with lives close to us. i watched my dad play roblox again and he kept on blaming me whenever he died in natural disasters lmaoo — he played two more games before we went out for a walk to pick blackberries at around 4.

most of the ones i picked i didn’t end up keeping because i’m very particular and i cant eat them if they’re the slightest bit squishy/if the separate berry things that make them up are too big. its really weird. anyway, we’re both terrible at making conversation so we just tended to point out things around us, if that makes sense. like, ‘those ones don’t look ripe’. we were out for 30/40 minutes and when i got back home i cuddled boris. he seems off today, like the weather isn’t too bad and he hasn’t gone out from my knowledge, and he doesn’t seem content when i stroke him. i’m worried about him.

i continued watching a gerard video id started watching yesterday and went out to see boris. my parents were in the kitchen at the same time and i mentioned him seeming off but they said he went outside when i had my nap so that’s reassuring. i didn’t stay out there for long because he wanted to come back in. when i did come in i watched my dad play natural disaster again and had something to eat because just moving my head was making my vision cut out. afterwards i checked on boris and scrolled on mcrblr.

i did ask my mum if we could go on a walk but she said no so i’m still really anxious as i won’t be able to burn off what i’ve eaten. exercising at home just dosent cut it for me. i always get caught and become unmotivated so fast. it’s understandable that she did refuse though, she barely ever does, and she’s been up someone else house all day feeling awkward. i also asked quite late considering how fast it gets dark.

i carried on doing my own thing [looking at various band related posts] up until about 9, nearly ten, when i went upstairs to talk to my dad while waiting for my sister to get to sleep so i could ask the questions about boris. my mum said yesterday that maybe i should include my sister in my routine and ask her a couple questions, so after dad watched me play natural disaster for a while as we waited, i went into her room as i knew she was still awake and did exactly that. she’s almost always really understanding about the whole compulsion thing, although i knows she dosent actually get it because i dont myself, and it’s my issue.

i eventually asked my parents the questions which took longer than i’d anticipated because of how different i think boris has been acting today. cutting the questions down and making them easier to go through makes my compulsions so much worse and sends me into utter panic but i tried my best not to drag it on, although i did. i just love boris so much. after that i went downstairs, had some icy water, brushed my teeth and said goodnight to boris. i brought his food to him so i could make sure he’s eaten and told him in advance about me being out practically the whole day tomorrow.

i hate being away from him, it makes me feel so guilty. plus, being with him just makes me feel so comforted, and hopefully it does the same for him too. i think it might do because for example, our dog is very noisy and he [boris] seems to be calmer when the dog barks if someone’s stroking him. which is another reason why i don’t like being away, i don’t like him being scared, or for him to be feeling anything bad in general. he knows he’s the boss of the dog though, which is good because of their size difference. i went to sleep early at 1:36 because i have to wake up somewhat early in the morning. i feel bad about barely doing anything at all today, but at least ill be productive tomorrow.

have a good day/night -_<