#they both had hangups and issues

[radioactive-earthshine]

On the other hand Geoff Johns did to Tim and Kon what any fan probably would have done; immediately canonized their deepest and most fervent headcanons. He wanted them to be the bestest of friends soooo bad as confirmed in at least two letters to the editor he sent in the 90s.

[legobiwan]

This is such a telling page for Ford. Not only does he detail his social missteps and admit to being lonely in Gravity Falls, despite the scientific wonder of the place, but he also uses what I call "Fordese 2," a scrambled version of the "Fordese 1" code we were first introduced to in Journal 3 to label himself a "six-fingered freak" and to state that "Stanley would have made her laugh." (Her, being the waitress Ford tries out his nerdy science joke on, which goes down like a lead balloon despite the fact that it is legitimately funny, given the right audience).

It's like Bill says. "Ego of a king. The insecurity of a circus freak. And totally isolated..." (Funny enough, Bill could probably turn those exact words on himself, as well.)

Ford so wanted Gravity Falls to be the place where he'd finally fit in, the puzzle to his misshapen puzzle piece.

And as we see in the missing Journal pages from BoB, that was not to be the case. And worst of all? Ford blames it on his hands at first, but the reality is that he says that "Stanley could make her laugh," meaning Ford's "freakishness" (as he would put it) has less to do with his six fingers and much more to do with Ford's personality and the way he interacts with others.

This is actually worse. Fingers, you can fix, if you want to. By the time you're an adult, most people probably wouldn't care. But to Ford, his fingers seem to be more a manifestation of something internal, something he feels is fundamentally broken about him and that's just the absolute worst hell to be stuck in.

So yeah, it's hardly surprising Ford fell so hard for Bill's shenanigans (and you can define "fell so hard" however you want, although that karaoke page in BoB is especially damning). Here's an interdimensional being who not only can guide you to unlocking the secrets of the universe and propel you towards scientific fame and glory (and thus shoving every taunt, invective, side-eye, and eye roll ever hurled at you over the decades down your tormentors' throats) - but he's (on the surface) completely glib about being a freak himself.

For Ford, this must have been like finding a shady, sparkling oasis after thirty years of trawling through the desert (especially after Stanley's "betrayal" - Stanley, who along with Fiddleford, being the only person Ford felt like he could be himself around and still be accepted as a human being).

Now, is Bill trying way too hard to show how much he doesn't care? Uhhh, yeah. Bill has almost the same hangups as Ford. Labeled a freak for a genetic mutation and ostracized by his peers. Has a rare gift in that he can see not only into the third dimension but can see even past that, into possible dimensions and futures, which is a wild skill to have. Compare this with Ford's gigantic science brain and academic overachievement. Same deal. And not only this! Bill, in an attempt to prove what he can do with his "freakishness," to prove his worth and place in the universe - he tries to show off something to the denizens of his dimension (we don't know yet what Bill did), only to end up slaughtering his entire dimension. Ford was a hair's breath away from doing the exact same thing with the portal. Because we know from Journal 3 that part of his motivation is to be famous and get accolades for his work, and that maybe "girls will finally talk to me." (Which, Fordsy, let's be real here - I don't think you're actually into these "girls" for real, but you want the acceptance that comes with fitting in with societal standards, and getting a state-sanctioned girlfriend is exactly the type of thing Ford would want to make himself feel "normal.")

Anyway, the point being that if Ford had succeeded with his initial portal attempt, he would have basically wiped out his own dimension. Just. Like. Bill. And it makes you wonder - yeah, yeah, Bill wanted to party, Bill needed out of the Nightmare Realm, Bill's a psychopath who enjoys destruction.

But honestly? I think part it all was that Bill wanted someone like him. His own puzzle piece. Another monster. A being whose collateral damage in the quest to justify their existence in this universe ends in wholesale slaughter.

And Ford had the capacity to easily fit that mould.

[skiptoyuri]

yk. this is the first time ive had real grievances with seol's actions or well. her inaction here i guess

[becausegraf]

So... Gulool Ja Ja and his troubled eldest

Some musings on why the Dawnservant, social skills-powerhouse, observant and transparent and trustworthy and capable and responsible Gulool Ja Ja

seems to have massively dropped the ball when it came to, you know...

preventing his own only biological child from turning towards murderous self-destructive supervillainy.

Gulool Ja Ja's biggest, most tragic failure in my understanding is that when it comes to Zoraal Ja specifically, he has a blind spot, and I think he knows it but he can't fix it.

I mean, what do you think is the ONE area that, unfortunately, he truly has nobody, not a single person in Eorzea, he can seek experienced, trustworthy counsel on?

It's being born a Blessed Sibling, living as a Blessed Sibling, Ruling as a Blessed Sibling, and raising a Son Of A Blessed Sibling who doesn't have two heads and will grow up facing extremely vicious treatment by some people as a consequence.

Zoraal Ja is unique, and the complications that come with being what he is in this cultural context are SMACK in the hazard zone of Gulool Ja Ja's own vulnerabilities and struggles.

Gulool Ja Ja's flying blind on this one, and his son's temperament is precisely the sort that his usual tools aren't a good fit for.

Papa's style is to give his children space, let them make their own decisions, to invite them to seek help and give them everything they could ask for in their environment to support them when he cannot.

Zoraal Ja's issue is one that would have required Gulool Ja Ja to be much more confident in his capacity as his parent than he seems to have been. He needed to see clearly that his son was struggling and that under his circumstances, he couldn't just ask for help, and ACT ON THAT OBSERVATION. Asking for support is not something that comes naturally to Zoraal Ja, and I can see a dozen reasons why he would actively avoid it, too.

'Kiddo, something's bothering you and for your own good, we need to talk or have you open up to someone else before this causes you great harm, and I will be accountable for this happening whether you're happy to cooperate or determined to run away from it. We're gonna figure this out, okay?'

That's the initiative it would have taken, at a much, much earlier point in time, for Zoraal Ja to have gotten the support he needed. He needed his parent to see the danger and protect him from it.

Gulool Ja Ja, through no ill intent or inate fault of his own, simply failed in that.

He doubtlessly has his own hangups, painful topics, things that drive even him to look away and lie to himself. Even if he had the amazing instinct of compensating for a shitton of his own flaws and limitations by cooperating with others that had what he lacked, again, in this one regard

literally nobody in existence

would have any sort of experience with this particular complexity, let alone the keen eye to identify Gulool Ja Ja's massive blind spot AND take the initiative to reach out to him and offer aid.

He and Zoraal ja both are masters at hiding their pain (these chicken dudes are a lot like cats, apparently), and both have pretty compelling reasons to do so. There aren't many people that would

a) care about them personally enough to even decide something needs fixing

b) have the emotional insight to detect what's going on and empathize with the exact problem

c) be the kind of person who could think of a suitable way to help without making a mess

d) have the guts to prod at their personal life without being asked to do so, and avoid getting shown the door immediately

In a sense, Gulool Ja Ja's unique circumstances, the rare thing that DISconnects him from others with no overlap with others anywhere, is his Achilles heel, his one fatal weakness in a person otherwise dipped in invulnerability.

And Zoraal Ja is the arrow that came for it, and it makes my heart break for the both of them.

(This gets a little personal for me, too, in the sense of 'my parents are so capable and smart and empathetic, they're so admirable and competent with everything and everyone EXCEPT WITH ME, for SOME reason, what the FUCK is wrong with me'. Nothing, my issues were just too much like their own issues, which isn't my fault and not theirs either.

Tell ya what, it's really weirdly painful to be in such a position as a kid, caught between love and admiration on one hand, and burning frustration and resentment and shitty self-esteem on the other.)

[chrliekclly]

if you ever want to talk about your thoughts on joyce .. Peeks over the corner of your blog. i love talking and hearing ppls thoughts on joyce sooo much even if they're different from my own!! and your analysis and stuff is always so well thought out

i hope u dont mind if i answer this publicly to take advantage of th request nd get my ideas out ther (also tyvm im happy u like my insane takes on these idiots, iv ben thinking abt them for almost 10 years)

i said a lot here so gnna 'read more' it

iv ben building trans charlie n my head fr, like i said, nearly 10 years. i used to view him as cis bcuz i always try to take as much frm th source material as i can wen i craft my HCs nd i had v personal (stupid) hangups insofar as him explicitly referring to his junk multiple times nd bottom surgery simply not being on my radar as a naive littl trans idiot deep in th sauce tht transmen oftn fall into w phallo being viewed so so poorly

evn still i leaned towards transmasc charlie nd always lovd moments tht let me imagine, for a moment, it being true, like his discomfort w taking off his shirt [hundred dollar baby, charlie kelly: king of the rats, the gang exploits the mortgage crisis, young charlie and mac deleted scenes, etc etc etc], or bonnie yelling abt ppl stealing her "charlie-girl" [the waitress is getting married] which i lovd to see as her accidentally misgendering him while drunk off her ass.

having grown out of my phallo issues (nd if ur reading this and u still view phallo super poorly, please do some research and grow too), ive in recent years fully subscribed to transmasc/nb charlie, and view his timeline something like this:

baby -> elementary: charlie refers to himself as a boy, doesnt "come out," simply has no idea he's afab. bonnie lets him dress however he wants and refers to him as asked. when charlie gets confused about his genitals, bonnie says his dick will grow in later lol, makes charlie wear a dress in public restrooms and tells him its just a game

middle: puberty hits and charlie gets confused and scared. bonnie puts him on blockers w.o explaining them ("my mom used to vaccinate me like every month" [the gang gets quarantined]) charlie goes on content and oblivious. STP acquired because hes "a late bloomer" and his dicks still not growing in?? weird. confides this in mac once, but he doesn't understand.

high: charlie finally registers that he's trans after forgetting theres a health class 1 day and not being able to skip it. throws him for a loop a bit but he becomes actively invested in his goals. he gets to start T and wants to have surgeries. "what guy hasnt done some extensive research on his own genitalia?" [mac is a serial killer]

college (aged): able to surgically transition (ty medicare) and continues on with life as we kno him now

joyce, imo, fits neatly into these views.

as a transmasc nb who came out young nd prefers to be seen as just A Guy by strangers, i grew up v vehemently against anything girly that might get me misgendered, but th more i began to 'pass,' th more @ home n my body i felt, th more and more comfortable i am w femininity, th more i wdnt mind putting on a dress, as long as th general public wd see me as "a man in women's clothes." n my mind, i prescribe something not exactly th same but v similar to charlie.

i see charlie "i dont really identify" kelly as afab and nb. i see joyce as a "character" he originally created to distance himself from the dysphoria of putting on a dress as a young trans boy, but that became part of him as the hard lines he drew in the sand as a child became blurry with age and self acceptance. charlie's comfort with himself allows joyce to evolve into a more solid persona, one he enjoys embodying and allowing to become a permanent facet of who he is. he's ok with being referred to as either. they're both him.

so maybe joyce comes out a bit more outside of the bathroom now.

[boywifesammy]

it’s interesting that for all sam needles at dean after their father’s death to talk about his feelings… sam doesn’t. he doesn’t break down in front of dean. he doesn’t outwardly mourn him. he doesn’t sit down and talk about it. he just keeps it all in.

i don’t think sam loved their father any less than dean. sure, he had his hangups with the man but he was still his dad. there’s more of this though; sam never talks about jess’ death either. it clearly eats him up inside, but not once does he ever really talk to dean about it. no fun stories of their time together. no sad memories. no grief meltdowns, no yelling no crying no external signs of his sorrow at all except him becoming hollow and distant.

it’s so telling for me that sam is seemingly so outwardly caring but he never actually shows anyone what he feels. sam doesn’t grieve like dean. he clams up. he dissociates. he gets angry. when jess dies, when his father dies, when dean dies, it’s all about revenge. he stuffs down all of his grief and replaces it with fury.

sam is only playing at being the normal, emotionally stable brother. in his head, he’s a mess. he’s awful at managing grief. he never allows himself any catharsis, and he doesn’t trust anyone enough to externalize his grief, even dean. maybe its because every time he spoke out as a child, he’d be struck down by both dean and his dad. or maybe it’s just his nature. either way, sam is very, very good at repressing his emotions, shifting the focus to the people around him, and never really dealing with his own issues.

[mangoisms]

circle k (back to you)

summary: in which you're just the graveyard shift employee at circle k bombarded by vigilantes.

━ chapter ten: there’s no way to hide it (i know what you’re fighting) | read chapter nine

━ pairing: tim drake x f!reader

━ word count: 4.6k

━ warnings: none

━ masterlist

━ a/n: sorry again </3 grad school just.... eugh. enjoy tho <3 have more end notes of me losing my mind over tim and wally's relationship too <3 also i talk a bit about wally's powers affecting reader there as well <3

Staying with Wally and Linda is… nice. 

Nicer than you thought it would be. 

Once you got over your hangups about it, anyway. And that went by quickly. It had to, because as it would turn out, being stabbed really does limit the things you can do on your own. Like pulling up your underwear and pants (and socks) after a shower and sitting up and sitting down. And picking up things from the floor if you dropped them. You ended up dropping your phone on your second day after discharge—or rather, it was going to drop, then Wally was there, snatching it mid-air and depositing it back into the (relative) safety of your hands, and it did occur to you, then, that if you had been alone, it would have become a much bigger issue.

As it was, at the moment, he just gave it back to you, settled down beside you on the couch, and started stuffing his face with chips, half-heartedly complaining about your choice in movie.

(It was Interstellar, which he ended up tearing up over, but then claimed it was just because he missed the kids. The snicker Linda let out—working at the kitchen table—assured you it was very much a bluff.) 

It still chafes, sometimes, but they like to remind you that you’ll get better eventually and be able to do those things. But until then, that’s why we’re here, isn’t it?

And it’s true. And with that, you realize… it’s really nice to be taken care of. 

It’s not... quite the same if Steph—who visits frequently when she can—was doing it, it’s something else entirely. Something… reminiscent of your parents. Your mom who took care of you when you had fevers, pressing cool towels to your forehead, and your dad who would run to the store at any time of the day to get medicine and whatever else you wanted, too. 

Linda, who, sitting at the desk working, upon noticing you feeling a bit chilly while Wally is cooking dinner, will get up and grab you a blanket. Or when she breaks for lunch, she’ll cut fruit for herself and for you, without you asking. And Wally, who tells you that whatever you want, whether it be for something he cooks at home or something to-go or something at the store, he will get it for you. One day, you find yourself craving some Chinese food. Wally does you one better and, instead of dropping by any of the Chinese places in Gotham, runs all the way to the country in question to grab all of you dinner. 

Of course, for the fastest man alive, it’s nothing.

You preoccupy most of your time either watching TV, reading, or helping Linda with her book. She’s in the copyediting stage now, so you lend a hand. 

Other times, she helps you, usually by taking a break from copyediting, the two of you doing little practice press sessions, reminiscent of those times in Keystone; except now, knowing you and past the social boundaries of a stranger, she does not spare mercy—both with her questions and whatever scenario she dreams up, then her critiques at the end of it. Wally pitches in, too, and he can be a real pain in the ass about it just like her, with sneaky underhanded phrasing that trips you up too frequently. But what better way to learn than from them?

You’re all staying at a two-bedroom AirBnB in Old Gotham. Your studio wasn’t big enough to accommodate all of you. You don’t exactly mind it, since the AirBnB is really nice, much nicer than your shitty apartment, but it was all incredibly stressful for a little bit because you got let go from Circle K. And while you have savings, those savings are supposed to be for school, covering the rest of tuition and textbooks that financial aid doesn’t cover. 

But Steph came through on that, once again reiterating the offer to stay with her and Crystal at their house rent-free—an offer you accepted, given your situation. You were able to exit on your lease with minimal issue—mostly because you only had a month of it left—and she, Crystal, Wally, and Linda worked to get your things packed and moved out. You couldn’t offer much help other than directing where you wanted things to go and what you wanted to take with you to the AirBnB. 

According to Dr. Scott, your healing timeline is six to eight weeks. But you should be able to be on your own at four to five weeks. You have a follow-up appointment four weeks from when you were discharged where they’ll look at it and remove the stitches. 

But two and a half weeks after discharge has all of you scrutinizing the wound very closely after your shower. 

“It looks good,” Linda offers. “Much better than before.”

Wally makes a sound of agreement. In his lap, eight-month-old Wade West has a cold teething ring in his mouth; he joined you a few days ago and you have grown fond of him, as you’ve volunteered to feed him or play with him when his parents were busy doing something else. Your recovery has given you that luxury. But the pace at which you are healing has you a little… curious. 

Which leads to now. 

“It’s only been two weeks, though,” you point out. “But it looks like I’m at four weeks and ready for the stitches to come out.”

“Is it bothering you?” he asks, frowning. 

Wade throws his teething ring. Wally snatches it up without looking away from you, pressing it back into his son’s hands. 

“No, but it’s just… it’s weird, right?”

He and Linda share a look. 

“What is it?” you ask, immediately knowing they’re hiding something. They’d looked like that for a while before broaching the subject of bringing Wade here. The twins were doing just fine and video-called frequently, but they most likely enjoyed the freedom the Garrick's (and the West-Allen's) afforded them as the de facto grandparents willing to let quite a bit slide, at least in comparison to their parents. 

Wade, on the other hand, is still just a baby. He needs his parents. And you suspect his parents need him, too, so you agreed. Insisted, if anything, that they take him back. They’ve been happier because of it and that makes you happy. 

But two weeks together, with all the truths laid out, allows you a closer insight into your friends. (Still odd to call them that, but again, it’s something else. A friend combined with a sister and a brother and an uncle and an aunt and maybe something a little parent-adjacent, too. Weird. But you guys, ultimately.)

Wally makes a funny face. Linda purses her lips. 

“Is it bad?”

“No,” they say quickly, glancing at each other, then looking at you. 

“It’s, uh,” Wally winces. “It’s a side effect of, well, me.”

“You?” you ask, frowning. You know a fair bit of information about his powers, about the… speed force. The energy in which he and all the other speedsters draw energy from. 

“There are side effects to associating with us,” he admits. “Nothing dangerous, mind you. But… side effects nonetheless.”

“When I was pregnant with the twins and Wade, I was able to tap into the speed force,” Linda puts in. “But as soon as they were born, it was gone.”

You frown, lowering your shirt. “But that’s not what’s going to happen to me, right? I mean, that happened to you just ‘cause the kids had part of his DNA?”

“Yes,” Wally says, nodding. “It’s just—it’s not unprecedented. We don’t know entirely why side effects manifest but we know it usually happens with those we spend a lot of time with. And I mean, a lot of time.”

“But there’s a social component as well,” Linda adds. 

“A social component?”

“I care about you,” Wally says bluntly and you jolt at the fact of it, eyes widening. “And that plays a part. Generally, for a speedster’s family and close friends, if they spend enough time with them, they can age more slowly, like we do. And there is a small healing factor as well. Not as quick as mine but still faster than if you weren’t around me. You’re also immune to my lightning. It won’t hurt you. And truthfully…”

Now he hesitates. You can’t imagine what it must be. He said all that other stuff easily and it’s not an easy thing to grapple with, is it? 

But it doesn’t put you off. 

It’s… it’s honestly hard to swallow. The enormity of it. What it means. 

I care about you. 

“What?” you ask quietly. 

He sighs. “I could’ve maybe healed you from the get-go. I’ve done it before with a friend but I didn’t know if it would hurt you and I didn’t want to take my chances.”

“No, I understand. This is…” you gesture vaguely. “I mean, this is enough, isn’t it?”

He looks like he wants to say more but thinks better of it, nodding at your words. You don’t try to pry, either. 

“Will it be a problem during the check-up?” you ask next. “I don’t want you to get caught.”

“I’m sure stranger things go on,” Linda says. “Looking too closely isn’t good for anyone.”

“If push comes to shove, we can get you looked at by a doctor with the League,” he adds. “And they won’t notice if you bail on your follow-up, either. Like Lin said, way too much happens in this city for them to extend the effort.”

Well, getting looked at by a doctor with the literal Justice League feels like a bit much but needs must, you guess. 

The more physical side effects aren’t the only things going on. 

Nightmares plague you frequently these days. 

Of the attack itself, sometimes when you’ve switched places with Steph or Wally or Linda or Tim and you can do nothing but watch them get hurt. 

Then of your visit from Batman. 

Sometimes it’s him doing it, with a batarang, and the agony, the burning, it feels too real, combined with that night at the store, when he spooked you in the dark. 

It has you waking up in the middle of the night crying and your wound aching from your thrashing. Even worse when you wake up to the darkness of the room, your eyes summoning figures in the shadows. 

They both intervene accordingly. 

“Would punching him in the face make you feel better?” Wally wonders one night. “Because I can do that. He wouldn’t even see it coming.”

“It’s true,” Linda adds. “And you know he would deserve it this time.”

“He deserves it a lot of the time. It’s just that Superman says we need to talk out our problems. As if he and Wonder Woman don't want to regularly break his jaw. Besides," he says, a tad petulant now, "I know the importance of communication. I’m married. But he never gets that memo so if words don’t work, what else can you do?”

Punch him, being the clear unspoken answer. 

Well. 

You stare up at your ceiling, partially illuminated by the night light Linda plugged in. She sprawls out on your left, while Wally is on your right. It’s a bit of a tight squeeze on the Queen-sized bed, since Wally has a decidedly stocky frame but you three make it work. 

You didn’t have a nightmare tonight but that’s mostly because you haven’t yet gone to sleep. Your sleep schedule, over the past few days, has suffered. They noticed. They always do. 

“No,” you mutter. “That won’t help. It’d just make him more aware of me.”

And that awareness is the thing that makes you tetchy. 

After all, will there be some kind of repercussion for knowing what you do? Will he come to drive home another message, another threat about what you know?

You haven’t asked Steph about it and you certainly haven’t asked Tim, either, since you both still haven’t spoken since that night at the hospital (and that is a whole other thing plaguing you, too, but you digress). 

Linda takes your hand and squeezes it gently, comfortingly. On your other side, Wally does the same. 

The reassurance from both of them overwhelms you for a second. You aren’t looking forward to when they have to go back to Keystone. It’s selfish, you know, but they care for you with no strings attached. Because they want to. Because they choose to. 

Maybe you should’ve fought harder against it, at letting all these new people in. Just… more ways for you to get hurt. But that didn’t work with Steph and it didn’t work for Tim. 

Besides… you’re tired of denying yourself these kinds of comforts. You deserve it, don’t you? After everything? 

It is quiet for another moment. Linda holds your hand in hers, a steady reassurance. Wally’s thumb moves back and forth continuously over the back of your hand. It’s no less comforting. 

Finally, he takes a deep breath. You prepare for a serious opener, something about seeing a therapist, something about, once again, using League resources, because that way, it won’t cost anything and you could talk about your experiences freely. But instead…

“I could go back in time and stop him from ever confronting you?” 

The snort you let out is unbidden. You don’t even know why. Time travel is something he can do. Insanely enough.

But then Linda giggles. 

And you, a little sleep deprived, a little emotional, can’t stop yourself from dissolving into laughter, too. The kind that makes you light-headed. 

On your other side, Wally lets out a snort of laughter that makes you and Linda laugh harder. 

For a moment, all of you are laughing and laughing and laughing and everything is right in the world. 

Naturally, in the morning, things go downhill.

Mostly by you making the mistake of turning on the TV.

Wally and Linda aren’t news-type people. At least not here. Linda, because she said she’d get too big of an urge to go out there and chase leads, and Wally because he said he’d also want to go out there and save the day and that would royally piss Batman off and that relationship was already fraught with tension. 

Not to say they stayed away completely. When going out, they checked out what was going on, kept track of which parts of the city to stay away from if there was something going on. 

For your part, you wanted to take a step away from reality. Needed it, really. 

This morning was a simple mistake. You had Wade in your lap, Wally making breakfast, Linda settling down at the desk to start her edits. You were just trying to find the cartoons Wade was so fond of watching when you landed on GNN.

Then the TV was showing a chaotic scene at the Museum of Antiquities, saying something about a hostage situation and the shot abruptly shifted to the roof, zooming in on the figures there, Red Robin, Tim, and Signal, barely visible from the ground but recognizable all the same, and then a gunshot, ear-piercing even through the TV, and you managed to catch sight of Tim collapsing before everything devolved into chaos, footage shaky, people screaming, someone yelling.

It hits you quickly. Too quickly for even Wally to do something. 

In a blink, the TV is shut off and Wade is taken from you, shifted into Linda’s arms as she and Wally speak to you, but their words fuzz out in your ears, muffled as if you are underwater and the weight on your chest is crushing and you can’t breathe because you might’ve just seen Tim die and the thought consumes you until there is nothing else. 

When you resurface next, you’re curled up on your bed, with the world’s worst headache throbbing in your head and a bone-deep exhaustion still plaguing you. Wally is there, too.

The door is closed but you can hear Linda cooing at Wade, his high-pitched giggles are easily audible. 

Wally plays a game on his phone. Fruit Ninja. His thumbs move so fast, they blur a little bit, but he still manages to get one of the bombs, cursing as he does so. 

You watch him do that for a while but eventually, he gets tired of it, shutting off his phone and turning to look at you.

“So.”

You wiggle onto your side, picking at a loose thread in the blanket.

“Is he…” your voice catches, throat tightening. “Do you know if…”

“He’s okay,” he says gently. “It was just a graze.”

Is it bad, you wonder, that you don’t ask about the hostages? About what that whole situation was about? That you only care to hear what happens to Tim?

You don’t know.

What you do know is that you’ve lost so much. You’re still scared to lose it. 

You can’t lose him.

But you don’t get a say in that, do you? 

“I’m not fond of the kid,” Wally says a minute later, green eyes carefully scanning your face as he props his head on his palm. “If only because of this whole situation…”

“Tim isn’t bad,” you whisper. “He’s just… a little misguided at times.”

By now, after the rush of emotions calmed down, after settling into something like a routine, you’ve been able to think about it. You’re still hurt by what he did but you can understand why he did it. 

Mostly… mostly, you miss him so much it hurts. 

Your more physical wound is healing nicely but there’s still an emotional one inside you; it scabbed over in these weeks away but now, it’s open and raw and you just want…

You just want Tim. 

So much. 

You didn’t think it was possible to want someone this much.

But you’ve never done this before, you’ve never had something like this before… and you’re scared. 

You almost miss Wally’s next words, caught up in your own head. 

“You’re putting it very nicely,” he’s saying, “but I won’t disagree. I don't, actually, which is kind of… really annoying.”

You latch onto that, that brief diversion, if only for just a moment. "Annoying in the conventional way?"

"You have to ask?"

"You are a strange, strange man, Wally West. I do need to ask."

The laugh he lets out is full-bellied and warm. You smile, too, affection settling warm and sweet in your chest, briefly chasing away the pricks of sadness.

"No," he says, chuckling. "It's not in the conventional way. It's mostly because I do see that he is misguided. And I know how and why he is like that."

Right.

To be honest, you haven't thought much on it. On what other knowledge comes with knowing Tim and Steph's identities. It's a leap, but from what you've gleaned, from what you know of Tim's relationship with his adoptive father, what you know of Steph's opinion of him…

Well. It makes sense. And it makes you ache, thinking of the distance Tim tries to put between him and Bruce, of the things you have learned not just about Bruce Wayne but Batman, too. 

A frown mars Wally's handsome features now, grass-green eyes distant, fixed on a spot on the wall next to the bed. "I've always kind of known, I guess. But being confronted with it directly is something else entirely. And I do get it. I can see why he's like that. I don't consider myself a paragon of communication and expressing feelings and my parents were really… not great at all, but I had Aunt Iris. Then Barry and Jay and Max and… I don't know. I guess it's just the dad in me. Having child sidekicks is hardly a new thing in the community and questionable at times but what really matters is the mentorship. He is capable. I can see that. But from what I've seen here, I wonder if both sides of him have had the same amount of direction. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," you whisper. "That makes a lot of sense."

Finally, he looks at you. "But we can't change the past. And if you'd like to keep him around, which I suspect you do, maybe…" He trails off but you understand what he is leaving unspoken and the thought softens you. Wally is so good. Prideful and annoying and short-tempered at times but ultimately good. All of them are. 

"And on that topic," he continues, eyebrows raising a bit. "I think… for you… it’s time to see him.”

You stay quiet and continue fiddling with the loose thread. Wally’s hand finds yours, squeezing it gently, reassuringly. You get the message even though he doesn’t say anything.

No matter what happens, we’re here. I’m here.

You let out a shuddery breath. 

“Does it ever… scare you? Caring so much?” Loving so much?

“Terrifies me,” he agrees easily. “I have a long list of enemies who would love to—take Linda and the kids away. Kill them or worse. But worse has happened before. We manage to get through it each time. And for you… you love him, don’t you?”

You bite your lip. “I… I do.”

He nods, not appearing surprised by your agreement. “He loves you, too, you know. Even that’s clear to me.”

“But is that enough?”

“Sometimes it’s not. But you have to try, anyway. Who knows what you’ll find if you do? And what you might lose if you don’t?”

You know what he must be thinking about. 

Being with Linda couldn’t have been an easy choice for him. The Flash is just as known as Wonder Woman or Superman. The title comes with its baggage and its enemies. But he did it, anyway. They both did and look at what they have now. A marriage, a family, a home together. 

You keep thinking that you can’t lose Tim and it remains true but… you never stopped to consider what your part might be in that. Not for the danger that might take him away from you but… your own feelings regarding it. Whether you can do this with him, take this leap and change everything for the two of you. 

You can.

You have to.

“You look like you just had a come-to-Jesus moment. I’m great, aren’t I?”

You smile. “You are, Wally. You really are.”

He flushes a bit but the smile he returns is still bright. “Just for you, kid. But honestly, please, it kind of kills me to give you romantic advice regarding Batman’s kid. I won’t say no to it! Just, you know. Get together already.”

“Are you going to be nice?”

“Only if he’s nice,” he shoots back.

“Honestly, Wally. You’re the oldest one here.”

“So? He’s twenty-one, not thirteen.”

“You’re ridiculous. Also, do I need to say something similar to Linda?”

“Do you need to say something similar to Linda? Um, yes. She’s worse than me.”

“I stand corrected. You both are ridiculous.”

But you would be lying if you said you wanted to change that. 

Steph comes over a little while later. Linda texted her about your… moment. She and Wally exchange places and she stays with you, comforting you and reassuring you that Tim is okay. 

“Tim’s a rubber ball,” she says to you, curling a piece of your hair on her finger, your head in her lap as the two of you watch Lizzie McGuire. “He’ll bounce back.”

“That’s not as comforting as it sounds.”

She lets out a soft chuckle. “Well, it’s that and, according to him, he isn’t going to die before he gets to see you again.”

Your breath catches in your throat. “Steph…”

“Not lying. He was a bit delirious from some mild blood loss and the pain but that’s usually when he’s his most honest. So.”

“That’s horrible. You know that, right?”

“Hey, tell that to him. I’m just stating the facts.”

“Well,” you swallow nervously, your eyes on your laptop perched on the end of the bed but nothing in the show registering for you as you prepare to ask your next question. “Then… in that case… did he… mention anything about doing that?”

“He didn’t say anything but knowing him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he disobeyed the clear order for bedrest and came to see you tonight.”

“What—? He better not—”

“No use in trying to stop him,” she says. “I think today was a push for both of you. And when Tim sets his mind to something, you and I both know there isn’t any stopping him.”

That… yeah, that is true. But that bullet grazed his neck. Somehow, it managed not to damage anything vital. A graze, that’s all it was, but still.

“He’s such a handful,” you mutter.

Steph grins. “Yeah. But that’s half the fun with him, isn’t it?”

Your face goes hot and you mutter something noncommittal. She laughs. 

Despite her words, you still think you need to reach out, too.

So, when she leaves before dinner, having promised to spend the evening with Crystal, you pick up your phone and take the leap.

steph said you were probably going to come over tonight so we can talk

i think it’s a good idea too, although i would like for you to rest and recuperate from your near-miss today at least for a couple days

Your heart climbs to your throat as you see him quickly read the text. You stand from the bed, leaving your phone there as a restless, nervous energy filling you. You pace until your phone vibrates with a new text. 

i want to see you

It’s simple. Five little words.

Five words that leave you feeling oddly breathless with the weight of them.

Because you know.

You know.

He should know, too.

i want to see you too

but i can go to you, you know

i know

i’ll drop by your fire escape at 11:30

is that okay?

That last one comes a minute later after the first two and you smile. Tim can be bossy. You and Steph have given him plenty of shit for it. He’s gotten better at realizing it, too.

sure

just give me a warning before you try knocking on my window or something

until then please actually rest???

i will :)

It’s familiar. Not much, really, but it makes you smile, anyway, and you fall back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling like a giddy teenager. 

Obviously, you two have a lot to talk about. And you’re still mad at what he did but like you said, you understand. You just have to make sure he doesn’t keep you in the dark again like that and more importantly, that he doesn’t double-cross you. Because that’s what it was, in a way. He crossed a line, so many lines, coming to you as Red Robin. Continuing to come to you as Red Robin. It was dishonest and you hate the way it makes you feel.

But you can move past it.

You want to move past it. 

You both feel the same, don’t you? 

The thought overwhelms you, your face burning hot.

Man. You haven’t actually thought about that until now. But… that’s why. That is the core of everything. And Tim’s questionable ways in which he handled that aside… it seems to be an inalienable truth.

He feels the same.

Tim Drake, for whatever reason, feels the same as you do. 

Hell, look at what Wally said. 

He loves you, too, you know. Even that’s clear to me.

You’ll make it work.

You both will.

reblogs are appreciated!

taglist: @peachesona @knoxx-seresinbradshaw @kikis-writing-service @sweetistic @soundsfunbutno @ginevraxrogers @fridaenpina @skcj24 @bath1lda @only-cherry-blossom @laughydaphne @fhrjrirj @iamthesimpmother @alittlelateforstars @thaliadoesthings @scarlett13 @zelabee @coffee-love-alltheabove @benstormy @sad-girl09 @lockofspades @thereallchristine @thatonecroc @1lellykins @jelsafan0 @hearttjason @kno-way-home @moniverse05 @bat-h-tic @ghostindeath @escapism-r-us @plnkbees @gabrielle-tia @a-candle-maker @randobeetlehouse @solaris-love @blueberrygeniejam @th1s-b1tch-1s-dead

[ask to be tagged! either in my inbox or here! ^_^]

[sebastianravkin]

A FUNERAL FOR NEIL-GAIMAN

My hyper fixated autistic mind keeps running the Neil-Gaiman allegations around and around in my head and I need to find a way to move past the hero in my mind. Even though I believed Neil-Gaiman when he said ‘you never want to meet your heroes’, even though I am old enough to know better, even though I assumed Neil-Gaiman probably had issues and hangups that didn’t come through in his friendly and wise public persona, I have still been hit hard by the extent that I was wrong. I need ritual, closure, a way to move on. So I WILL BE HOLDING A PRIVATE FUNERAL FOR MY HEAD-CANON NEIL-GAIMAN. Maybe others want to hold their own funerals, maybe it will help, and so I put this out there for you to consider.    

To be clear - and many may disagree and I am fine with that - I do not care in theory if Neil slept with younger women, I slept with older men and think of myself as better for it. I do not care that Neil practices BDSM as long as it is safe and consensual. I do not care if Neil had an open marriage if it was agreed upon by both parties. I believe Neil is autistic, and that can make intimate (or really any) communication difficult sometimes, but I do not think that is an excuse. I believe Neil suffers depression and suicidal ideation, but I do not think that gives him a pass for treating others poorly. 

I care that Neil took advantage of women who were at a disadvantage - financially, professionally, mentally, emotionally. I care that he was proposing sex with women after being married to his first wife for only a year and who was probably obliviously at home with their new baby. I care that Neil is no where near the man I thought he was, I hoped he was, I believed he was and that made the world a slightly better place. 

So, I will be holding a funeral for Neil-Gaiman. For the man who spoke of his own heroes - Terry Pratchett and Gene Wolfe - as polite and kind and wise and (I made the mistake of assuming) as role-models for his own behavior. For the man who appeared to be so kind and funny, with no ulterior motives, on Tumblr to so many fans. For the man who has written the books that I have read and reread to get through various crises in my life and so I assumed he had a deeper wisdom than I about life. For the man that I had a serious crush on since the 1990s. For the man who inspired various aspects of my own writing about, and understanding of, humanity. This man is fictionally dead, because this man was a fiction. His art lives on, and I will continue to love the art because I can not simply turn that off. 

What will this funeral be like? Probably some candles. Probably some tears. Probably burning a photo or two, but never never a book. Comfort food, definitely. Sad music. Maybe watch my favorite moments in Good Omens. Or read my favorite short story in Trigger Warnings. Or maybe just work my way through The Sandman again. I will grieve him like I grieve the end of a good book, or the death of a favorite character in a story, or the loss of a favorite place on the landscape.

The fact that there is some other dude out there that looks like Neil-Gaiman, who I think of as just Neil (because every ‘Neil’ I have known was an ass, which should have been a red flag really), is too bad. Maybe Neil is self-destructive, maybe Neil harms others to harm himself, maybe Neil will find help, find a way back from the depths he has thrown himself into. Or maybe Neil is just a dick; always has been, always will be. You can be autistic and self-loathing and depressive and suicidal and still be kind. But you can also be all of those things, and also just be a dick.

R.I.P. Neil-Gaiman.  I am done. I have no more to say on this.

[scoobydoodean]

Everyone (besides the Braedens) is so annoying about Dean in 6.01. In a way, he's almost treated like some sort of exotic animal by other hunters—"the hunter who got out" is considered an impossibility in the hunting world—both from a moral perspective, and from a trauma perspective.

Bobby keeps repeating "You were out" when Dean gets mad at him and Sam for keeping Sam's resurrection a secret, and while there is obviously a loving angle in Bobby wanting Dean (someone he views as a son) to live a long life, the secret is so unapologetically cruel in the face of Dean's grief that Bobby's actions also suggest more personal motivations. This, along with Dean's demand "Good for who?" when Bobby insists he made the good choice, almost lends itself to the idea that this wasn't just about Dean. It was about something Dean symbolized for Bobby. Dean was living proof that hunters could get out, and have families, and live long lives, and this probably soothes something in Bobby as someone who lost his wife tragically right after an emotional betrayal. In "Death's Door", Bobby is implied to have had a vasectomy he never told Karen about. He was the child who ruined everything he touched according to his abusive father, and decided never to have children because of it. Bobby still grieves losing Karen, and he grieves what could have been if he hadn't let his dad get in his head. Like Bobby, Dean is also a person accused of having a corrupting touch, and Bobby is very aware of Dean's self-worth issues (2.22) and I think sees a lot of his own emotional hangups in Dean. So I think it's possible that for Bobby, seeing Dean get to be happy is something Bobby needs... for himself in a sense? While being something he wants for someone he loves, it also just... soothes something inside him, symbolically and personally.

Other characters don't react so positively to Dean as a symbol representing hunters being able to get out and overcome the tragedies that generally bring them into the life to begin with. The Campbells immediately look down on Dean for not being a hunter anymore, treating him as a greenhorn, suggesting he was never meant for the work they do (his features are too "delicate"), poking around his house like it's a zoo exhibit. Sam also joins in, mocking Dean for having golf clubs.

Samuel feigns sympathy, saying he "gets it" because Mary wanted out of the life too, but it's just a little carefully placed pathos before he launches into giving Dean the same speech Mary was likely subjected to repeatedly, telling Dean they need all hands on deck, that he has a responsibility but would rather "play golf" (which is really what shows most that Samuel has zero understanding of why Dean or his own daughter wanted normal lives).

Sam also completely switches up on Dean by the end of the episode, going from justifying keeping his resurrection a secret because Dean was happy, to saying that Dean can't be normal and should return to hunting because he's putting Lisa and Ben in danger by being with them. Of course, soulless Sam flip flops because he doesn't actually care about whether or not Dean is happy. He was going through the motions of wanting Dean to be happy because he thought it was what he should want based on his memories, and he didn't have any emotional need for his brother and therefore no reason to bother him or care that he was grieving someone who was alive. But the moment he saw Dean display the heart of a hero, rushing to try and save his neighbors when all hope was lost, he saw something that he thought would be useful—someone with a heart who might make the "rules" of how to conduct himself more clear. Dean then seemed like a useful asset.

[toomanythoughts2]

It's really funny how the feud between Toki and Skwisgaar for solos isn't even really a feud. It's just Skwisgaar being an asshole to Toki for his regular guitar playing and Toki getting desperate for some kind of attention as a guitarist.

Pickles, Nathan, and Murderface could not give a rats ass who plays the guitar solos during the concerts. In fact, Pickles and Nathan are perfectly fine letting Toki play solos or just play guitar. Maybe not when recording the albums, but during live performances, no one has ever said that Toki is bad at guitar.

Also, the fans know that Toki is a great guitarist and even want to listen to him play solos, or just PLAY in general.

It's literally just Skwisgaar who has a problem with it.

I want to look at the first scene in "Dethlessons" Obviously, we have the symbolic fight between Toki and Skwisgaar in the arena. I wanna note that Skwisgaar cuts off Toki's sword hand at the very beginning, and Toki had to resort to tougher and nastier moves to get to Skwisgaar. We know that the sword is symbolic for his guitar.

In the beginning shot, the band is playing a concert. Nathan is head banging, Skwisgaar is playing guitar, Pickles is playing the drums, and Murderface is playing the bass. Toki is also playing the guitar. It does sound like a guitar part is playing but it's not strictly a guitar solo.

Now granted, if this was Skwisgaar's part that Toki stole, then I would understand his frustration. However, we've seen their guitar solos before in "Bookklok", Murderface's bass solo in "Birthdayface", and Pickles' drum solo in "Bookklok". This isn't that kind of guitar solo. If anything, this could be Toki overshadowing Skwisgaar's guitar playing during a part of the song where it's heavy on the guitars, but not a solo.

That being said, Toki is literally just playing guitar. He honestly looks bored!

Skwisgaar, on the other hand, looks so pissed. Like, they are all playing but because he can hear Toki and Toki is playing possibly louder than him (though that would be a soundboard issue if they were both playing at the same time and Toki's sound was louder) he is furious.

He stops playing JUST TO UNPLUG TOKI'S FUCKING GUITAR! (Kind of like how Skwisgaar cut off Toki's arm) But like???? SKIWS??? NO ONE WAS ANGRY AT TOKI BUT YOU! EVERYONE WAS CHILLING? YOU CAUSED THE PROBLEM!

And when he confronts Toki ON STAGE he's asking what's Toki's problem. TOKI'S PROBLEM? HOMIE WAS JUST FUCKING PLAYING THE GUITAR?? LIKE WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BE DOING?? And Toki isn't defending his right to a solo, he's defending his right to be a guitarist! To have his talent recognized because SKWISGAAR FUCKING PULLED THE PLUG OUT ON HIM!

"Why's it gots to be about you? What's about my guitar playing?" Like, he's not asking for a solo, he's not asking for Skwisgaar to stop playing. He literally just wants to play and be seen as an equal.

AND SKWISGAAR LAUGHS AT HIM?

"What about it, you know?"

SIR??? YOU BROUGHT TOKI ON?? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT RECOGNIZED HIS GUITAR PLAYING SKILLS??? JUST LET THE BOY PLAY A BIT!

Also, they were whispering to each other until after Skwisgaar says this, then Toki says in a louder voice, "I'm the guitarist too Skwisgaar." HE JUST WANTS TO BE RECOGNIZED AS A GUITARIST!

Then he says, "Sometimes you forget I wants to play the scales and the notes and everything like you, but you don't lets me! You don'ts lets me!"

TOKI JUST WANTS TO BE LIKE SKWISGAAR AND PLAY HIS GUITAR AND BE RECOGNIZED AS A GUITARIST! HE WANTS TO BE JUST LIKE HIM, TOKI LOOKS UP TO SKWISGAAR! AND SKWISGAAR WON'T LET HIM, LITERALLY!

HE PULLED HIS FUCKING PLUG OUT OF THE SPEAKER!!!

Also, immediately after he says this, a fan can be heard, "LET HIM PLAY!" EVEN THE FANS WANT TO HEAR HIM PLAY! IT'S LITERALLY JUST SKWISGAAR IN HIS HANGUP!

Then Skwisgaar says, "You're totally attacking me right now!" BABY, YOU LITTERALLY PULLED HIS PLUG OUT OF THE SPEAKER! NO ONE WAS UPSET! DO YOU THINK NATHAN WOULDN'T HAVE SAID SOMETHING, TO HIS OWN BAND, IF SOMETHING WAS WRONG? Obviously we know this is because Skwisgaar is scared of losing his role and title in the band/music industry and having it taken over by Toki, despite him trying to tear him down (Skwisgaar's dream). BUT LIKE BUDDY! HE JUST WANTS TO BE LIKE YOU, AN EQUAL! LET HIM PLAY!

Then Toki ends his rant in, "He's holding me backs, everybody! I'm a guitarist, too!" while the fans are boo-ing in the background. A fan (or possibly Toki, but I think it's a fan) can be heard screaming, "You know it!" And Skwisgaar looks so done with Toki's fit, rolling his eyes back and everything.

Like, it isn't until after this does Toki start requesting Solos. Skwisgaar makes fun of him like boasting himself, offers his "services", and then gets upset when Toki finds someone else to teach him. I honestly don't think Toki's obsession with Solo's started until after this argument. Before then, it's probably just equal amount of playing time or equal amount of recognition. He probably would have been fine never getting a solo if he was just treated as an equal in the first place. And I don't think it was until Toki got older and more experienced did he start feeling like he should be treated as an equal and not the second guitarist they recruited as a kid. That's why Skwisgaar was easier on him, because Toki was happy to be in his "place" below and behind Skwisgaar. Toki has no problem being the rhythm guitarist, he has a problem not being seen as a legitimate guitarist. But now that he's grown and more experienced, Skwisgaar is having to fight back any notion of equal-ship.

The entirety of "Bookklok" could have been skipped if Skwisgaar just let Toki play sometimes.

[neuroticbookworm]

Boston and his "friends"

Last week, after I watched Boston get wrongfully branded by Atom as a sexual predator and isolated from the group, I was seething with rage and wanted to see Cheum, Mew and Ray to fall at Boston's feet and beg for his forgiveness after the truth comes out.

But today, honestly, I think it is a better character arc for Boston if he doesn't get that resolution from them. Because he fucking doesn't need it. He has defined a wonderful relationship with Nick, his first love, that will give him joy until he leaves for New York (cc @lurkingshan) and he has listened to Atom's grovelling apology. He has no other hangups tying him down.

Cheum, Ray and Mew, on the other hand, do not have the conviction to confront the truth in their relationships. They accused Boston of being duplicitous but none of them approaches their own problems with anything even remotely resembling a healthy communication.

Cheum heard her brother tell her that he lied about Boston taking advantage of him and all she could say was this:

She did not feel horrified that her brother chose to slander a friend, and she does not feel any remorse for her actions. I bet she thinks it's all fine because Boston is a slut anyway, he slept with Top and ruined Mew's relationship, so why does it matter that he was wrongfully accused this one time. Well, Cheum, it doesn't matter to him, but it will matter to you as you have not learned the integrity to face your mistakes and apologize for them. An apology should not be made expecting forgiveness in return, and it should not be valued based on the moral standing of the person you're apologizing to.

Mew. Oh, Mew, Mew, Mew. @lurkingshan pointed out during our post-episode conversation that Mew cannot stick to his schemes, he peters out at the first sign of stress and gives in to the status quo. He wanted to give Top a second chance, and then Boeing showed up. After understanding that Boeing is playing games for his own revenge-on-Top agenda, he initially goes along with it to spite Top. And after all the scheming has made both of them utterly miserable, he listens to his parents and finally decides to give Top an honest-to-goodness second chance. But, he doesn't give it after going through the painful process of self-reflection, and communication where both of them can set clear boundaries and understand where they each stand. Nope. Instead, they just casually agreed to push it away to deal with it in the future.

I declare my love for Theory of Love as loudly and passionately as I can whenever I get the chance on this hellsite, and one of the main reasons why I love that show so goddamn much is the conversation between Khai and Third in the Theory of Love Special Episode, where Khai admits that a girl kissed his neck at a party and how he tried so hard to keep Third from finding out. Third then tells him that he has known about the kiss the whole time, and how Khai need not worry; he knows the difference between an accident and a kiss with purpose. He then tells him that Khai is not the only one trying to make this relationship work, he is trying too, because Third also loves Khai and wants to be with him.

This is what healthy communication looks like. The issues and miscommunications must be tackled head-on and resolved before moving on, so they don't fester into an even bigger and more painful problem later. You can't "leave the problems to the future" and expect it to work itself out. In case y'all don't remember, Khai had to step on literal broken glass to stand his ground and plead his case after a miscommunication, and it was still not enough. That's how painful this process is and I will bet my bottom dollar that Mew has exactly zero percent of the fortitude it takes to talk through a relationship faux pas.

Ray, the human embodiment of a fucking dumpster fire. All he says to Sand after accusing him of taking money from his dad in exchange of taking care of him is "I'm sorry" and Sand immediately takes him back into his arms (I'm so embarrassed that I was briefly rooting for Sand at the start of the show). He does his community service with Sand for a hot minute and then immediately plans an overseas trip to whisk him away. He spells it out, yet again, how he is always looking to "buy" Sand (cc @wen-kexing-apologist)

Buying Sand, ya know, the exact same thing he was mad about, one episode ago.

Trying to prove that Ray's communication skills are severely subpar and unhealthy is like trying to prove that the water in the ocean is salty; the more time I spend on this, the stupider I would look.

All of this is a long winded way to say that Cheum, Mew and Ray will be too busy trying to escape their own trappings, the ones they built for themselves while they convinced self and each other that they are better than Boston; while Boston moves on with his life, living unapologetically as he always does. They can keep their apologies -- I don’t need it, and neither does Boston.

[radioactive-earthshine]

I think sending Jason into space, specifically working with Vril Dox II in L.E.G.I.O.N. would be good for him and his character, and it would also be good for L.E.G.I.O.N. as well because it would make it fresh for new readers and give them a reason to care about it. Because L.E.G.I.O.N. is, as we now know, active in the main continuity but had been dispersed due to the United Planets plot.

They could actually launch this first as a new R.E.B.E.L.S. series and it follows Vril, his son Lyrl, Jason, and a few other select members as they work to reform L.E.G.I.O.N. and fight against the prevailing fascism of the United Planets which is working with Waller to isolate Earth.

So this series could reestablish a workable continuity for the space community which is important for the mainline universe.

What this would also do is give Jason a real opportunity to be developed in a space where Gotham is not a factor. It would let him grapple with his issues, his hangups, his questions of morality and use of force, his feelings of betrayal and anger etc etc all in the company of people who have also varying degrees of the same feelings.

Vril is a very morally dark grey personality who suffered extreme abuse at the hands of his own father and people who once wanted nothing more than to kill "Daddy Doxest". With the influence of his dear friend The Durlan he was able to dream about a better future and a better society where injustices are corrected, often with extreme measures that the Justice League of Earth would never think to do. His methods are lethal, they are underhanded, they are evil in some ways but always with the best of intentions. Not to get too much into his lore, he has gotten significantly less a cunt and no longer is actively trying to kill his father at all costs (as if DC would let him kill Brainiac).

His very meshes well with Jason because he could be a surrogate example of a Batman Jason wanted and never saw, but they also share a rage and an anger that mirrors each other.

Vril would enable him.

Lyrl, Vril's son - is also a little cunt that tried to kill Vril multiple times for multiple reasons through Looney Tunes comic logic. He too is on a shade of dark grey, who also suffered at the hands of his father who lobotomized him to save his life (sound familiar????). The lobotomy was reversed in Lyrl and comic events unfolded around him and Vril and they both managed to come to a neutral truce and understanding to just... exist.

We haven't had much development on either of these characters since R.E.B.E.L.S v2 ended pre-Flashpoint and House of Brainiac (2024) only showed us that they appear to be working together civilly.

Lyrl is closer to Jason's age and has a lot of that more youthful outrage of betrayal coupled with tempered violence that he's worked through for the most part.

ANYWAY my point is, throwing Jason into space with other people that aren't good or evil (mostly) who also have father-figure issues and complex relationship to family, morality, their ideas of justice and what a good society looks like might actually help make Jason develop.

And if you have a shipper brain Lyrl/Jason might not be so bad of a ship and they would both enable, compliment and contrast each other and make each other see other sides of themselves they didn't know they had.

But I mean, this is just me rolling things around.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

ohhh stede totally grew up in a "you will eat what is put on your plate and you won't dare complain because elsewhere kids are starving" household and now he just suffer through food he hates otherwise he's being ungrateful and bad and ed has to break that little life-long habit

Oh, without a single doubt in my mind! He absolutely wouldn't dream of saying shit about it, he'd just put on a stiff upper lip and shovel that shit down. He probably feels awful if he's too full to finish a meal completely, too - growing up leftovers were seen as proof of you being picky and ungrateful.

I think Ed also most likely has some hangups around food, but in the opposite direction. I imagine him stressing at like 7 years old because he hears his mama talking to herself when she thinks he can't hear about how to stretch half a loaf of bread into meals for both of them all week long. I think he's probably very likely to try to ration his meals, stretch them out as long as they'll last - persistent food insecurity will do that to you, even if you no longer have to worry where your next meal is coming from. At any given time he can tell you exactly how many days' worth of meals they have in their house.

And this'll cause some communication problems at first! Stede cooks something nice and Ed says he loves it but he only ate one small plate, what's that about? Ed accidentally burnt Stede's portion of fish and didn't notice until Stede had already eaten almost all of it without complaint - has he just been suffering through Ed's cooking without trusting him enough to say he doesn't like something?

But eventually they're gonna find the root issues and they're going to help each other so much. When Ed's finished his self-assigned portion, Stede'll gently ask if he's still hungry and if he maybe wants more. Ed will remind Stede that he doesn't have to eat anything he doesn't want to, that it helps no one when he suffers, that he's not just unusually picky or awful and sometimes everyone just doesn't like some things. And eventually Ed will never have to go to bed without a full tummy and Stede will be able to actually say when he doesn't like something so they can find him something to eat that he will like!

[north-blue-hearts]

Heart of Gold

CisFem Reader x Trafalgar Law

CW: ptsd, trauma, depictions/implications of suicide and suicidal ideation, language, violence, blood, canonical character death, mature themes and events 18+

@mfreedomstuff

Chapter 18: Priorities

You were sitting in your room back on the Tang. Law’s suggestion about switching hearts had flustered you at first, and then worried you. It seemed such a powerfully intimate act, to literally trade your heart with his, and then have his heart in your chest.

But if his theory was only mostly correct, then that means he’d experience the same pain and fear that you had felt when you’d tried to step onto the island. It wasn’t like the pain remained, once you got back on the ship, but you didn’t like the idea of anyone else having to risk experiencing it. Law thought you were hung up on the idea of having his heart in your chest, either thinking it too intimate or unsanitary.

Your argument had barely been an argument in the strictest sense, but you did want some space to consider the variables yourself. If it worked, neither of you would have a gaping hole in your chest. Neither one of you would experience pain or terror while being on land. From an objective standpoint it was a solid answer to all the practical issues of your problem.

There was nothing to give away the fact that your heart wasn’t with you, and nothing to stop you both from trying to research why there was an issue in the first place. You weren’t sure if you were flattered or concerned by Law’s apparent trust in you. To give his heart to you like that.

The romantic connotations of the thought bubbled up in your brain and you could feel the blood rush making you dizzy. You weren’t some twitter-patted teenager, giggling in the corner during a ball as your eyes slipped from one well-dressed bachelor to the next, but love was still relatively new to you.

Love as the common folk knew it.

Love without consideration of family or political ties. Without concern of progeny or contracts. This was not a formal relationship, one where you’d both work to maintain your own happiness, and the happiness of your partner, for little more than keeping court gossip in check in the worst of circumstances.

Shoving your face back into your pillow and groaning you were beginning to realize that maybe Law wasn’t entirely incorrect about your biggest hangup with his plan. It didn’t invalidate your concerns about him experiencing pain in your place, and there was just as much of a possibility that you’d be the one to have to deal with it.

That’s what the experimenting was for, after all. Sorting out what the parameters were of what you were dealing with, in hopes of figuring out how to fix it all. The end goal of which was currently two pronged. First and foremost was why your body, or just your heart, was reacting to the islands with such fear. Secondary to that was a way to reverse the immortality placed on you by your friend.

Frankly, you didn’t have the luxury of being embarrassed about any of it, and it was a kindness of Law’s that he was letting you effectively waste time walking yourself through your tumultuous emotions. Not that his help would make the process go any faster.

Setting the pillow aside, you got off your bed and headed out of your room. It would be time to eat soon, and you needed to talk to Law privately before the crew was nearby. Your relationship was by no means a secret, but you didn’t need Shachi or Clione to overhear that you were too embarrassed to do something. You felt like, good natured or not, you may not hear the end of it from either of them.

When you reached Law’s cabin, you noticed the door was already open. Pushing it open further you peeked inside, seeing the captain lost in a book. It was interesting to you, how easily he slipped into the role of academic, doctor, pirate, and self. They were all parts of him, but he put so much of his focus into what he was immediately doing that you could always see a palpable shift from one to the other.

“Captain,” you say the word softly, stepping into the room. Law grunts, it’s an acknowledgment to show he’s not ignoring you, but he doesn’t approve the title from you. Suppressing the smile on your lips you shut the door behind you and stand across from him, staying on the far side of the desk. “This island, or the next, I’d like to work through those experiments when you’re ready.”

“When I’m ready.” He states dryly, looking up at you for a moment before looking back down at the book.

You hum positively. “Indeed. I would not want to impose on you unjustly, magnanimous captain that you are, after you so kindly allowed me ample time to-.”

“Alright.” He interjects. You can see the ghost of a smile slip along his features. “You’re determined to get me to listen to that King’s Tongue babble one way or another, aren’t you?”

“I have no idea what you may mean, good sir.” You assert playfully.

“Tomorrow, as planned.” He says evenly. “Relax, eat and adjust to going about your day without your own heart in your chest.” Setting the papers he was reading aside he looks up at you properly. “Speaking of, how have you felt so far?”

“Not bad. Not great. I certainly feel a little sluggish, but I haven’t yet tried to spar with anyone.” You admit. “I can’t hear my heart beat even if I try to focus on it, and I have to admit that is a little unsettling. Will I be less sluggish with your heart in my chest?”

He shakes his head. “A little maybe, but it’s not going to be as effective as having yours back. If the swap works tomorrow, we’ll only have our own hearts on sea voyages. It’ll help cut down on the fatigue.”

“Does it get worse over time?”

“Over months, yeah, but it’s a very subtle long term shift.”

You raise your brows. “You’ve done experiments?”

Law nods. “I’ve had the fruit since I was a kid. Shachi, Penguin and Bepo are childhood friends of a sort. They let me test a lot of things over a few years while we all grew up.” He grins a bit, the old memories coming back to the surface. “I learned a lot just from us being kids too.”

“I imagine.” You sit down across from him. “Embarrassment wasn’t my only issue earlier.” You start quietly, hands folded, eyes diverted. “But it wasn’t not an issue either.”

“… Is it still an issue?”

“It is still a thing, but it’s not something that will stop me.” You admit, giving him a small smile. “It is, for what it’s worth, an issue I don’t mind having.”

“Oh?”

You lick your lips, trying to maintain some level of neutrality, or business in your tone, so as to not sound like some giddy youth. “Emotional love is a new, and thus far, interesting sensation.”

“You loved your family, didn’t you?”

“This is decidedly different, Trafalgar Law, and you know it.” You huff, crossing your arms and turning away. You can hear the smirk on his face, even if hasn’t made a sound.

“It is, and I do.” He admits, getting up and coming over to your side of the desk, leaning against it and looking down at you. “But it does make me realize we need to agree on something before going forward.”

Suddenly you find it hard to look up at him, something about his words, not even his tone, has your heart twisting. Of all the things lessened by not having it in your chest, this was not one of them.

“And that is?”

“Am I your captain first, or your lover?”

It takes a moment for the question to really sink in and you look up at him in confusion. “Isn’t that something you’d need to decide? I mean… well, as the captain.”

“What you want is just as important.”

“… You do not dismiss the inputs and wants of your crew as it is, so far as I have seen. An unquestioned and functional chain of command is a requirement for maritime success, if I am to understand it correctly.” You say all of it mostly to yourself.

“All of that is objectively true,” he agrees.

“Given our relationship I’m certainly not just a member of the crew. I wouldn’t want to receive preferential treatment in terms of the responsibilities required to be a functioning member of the crew, but I am still, er, different.” You pause and consider. “Then, a level of evenness between the two is the most ideal.”

“Indeed, but one still needs to be a priority over the other.” He insists gently. “I know what I should do, and I know what I’d like to do, but with the two at odds, I would like your input.”

“… You have to -.”

“Not what I should do,” he interrupts. “What you want.”

You breathe in deeply, letting the breath out slowly, and sit silently for a few long moments to consider your answer, and his words. There’s no wrong answer, but you aren’t entirely sure what you want either. The knee jerk reaction is to want to be seen as his partner first, his subordinate second. The objectively better option is to be seen as the subordinate first. His position as captain was just a matter of leader and subordinate between you two.

His position needed to take into consideration the crew’s lives equal to your own. But in terms of just you and him, a focus you assumed he wanted you to consider on its own, the answer didn’t change much.

“Captain first,” you say with a nod. Looking up at him you smile. “I see no reason to diminish the emotional feelings, unless a need to do so arises, but… I have literally been in stasis for centuries. This world is different enough to be almost fully alien to me.” You clear your throat. “My heart seems against the very idea of land, as it is. I need to be able, and willing, to accept your decisions and knowledge as correct.

“And you need to be sure in your decisions, whether they be between us, or concerning the entire crew. Otherwise there will be stress, I think.”

“I agree.” Law says, eyes looking away for a moment before they look back down at you. “But don’t call me captain unless there’s an outsider around.” He asserts, and you can’t suppress a giggle.

“You really don’t like formal titles, hm?”

“… The crew calls me captain, it’s fine.” He says it flatly, and moves to walk away when you grab his wrist.

You can’t look up, not at first. You can feel the heat in your face, and somehow your distant heart is still managing to thunder in your ears. “I… like saying your name.” You admit quietly. “But it’s… very intimate to me.”

He slips his fingers between yours, leaning down and kissing the top of your head. “Maybe one day, you’ll say my name in such a way, that saying it casually in front of others won’t feel so intimate.”

A small nervous sound escapes you, and as you look up to say something more his hand slips along your cheek. The soft, warm sensation stutters your thoughts and your eyes close as you nuzzle into the touch. As much as the crew was open for hugs and just contact in general, there was something heavier in the callouses of Law’s hands.

He leans your head back and kisses you. Once, twice, and a third just on the tip of your nose, smiles slipping across both of your faces as your eyes open. You had no doubt the crew knew how kind their captain was, but you did wonder idly if they knew just how soft he was.

He steps back, giving your hand a squeeze before offering to escort you to dinner. Arrival in the mess hall, despite all your efforts to appear normal and composed, had not gone unnoticed by certain members of the crew. Ikkaku slipped beside you as Clione talked to Law about something, but you weren’t sure if it was legit or a ploy to distract him.

“The Lady has a certain glow about her,” she says teasingly, helping you make a plate and moving you along the buffet style the crew utilized for most meals.

“Nothing has happened,” you assert, giving her a smile even as you stuff a small bun into her mouth when she goes to reply. “We’re still working through the steps of the experiment.” Her eyebrows raise as she pulls the bun away, chewing on a bit of it with a smirk. “What?”

“You and the cap’n are experimenting, huh?”

You blink. “Yes? We’re experimenting on -“

“(Y/N)!” Law tries to stop you, but even as you turn toward him you’re still explaining.

“-each other to see if breaking the set will solve the problem.”

“Oh.” Ikkaku says as Law deflates. “Experimenting, eh? On your bodies?” She devours the remainder of the bun in glee.

“I… am missing something.” You press your lips together.

Ikkaku nods, almost squealing in delight. “Lovers experiment.” She says.

“It’s a euphemism for sex,” Hakugan explains.

“Hakugan!” Shachi smacks him with his hat. “You broke the spell!”

“Kinky sex usually.” He adds before turning to Shachi. “It’s only a spell if you already know all the different ways it can be taken,” Hakugan asserts. “The magic is in not realizing you’re saying things that way while knowing you could be. You gotta give Bell all the knowledge first.” He insists as Shachi puts his hat back on. “Then you cast the magic.”

“Only you,” Ikkaku sighs, but then gives you a disarming smile. “He’s right though, it’s better when realization dawns on you from your own knowledge. But also, don’t go telling people you’re experimenting on bodies with the cap’n. It’s more graphic than the whole hand job mix up.”

“Bepo, Jean Bart, we’ll need your assistance for some of the setups.” Law says and the two nod. “The rest of you are going to make sure the Tang is in top condition before we leave. We need to travel fast and cover as many islands as we can to figure out what the cause might be.”

Penguin and Shachi look over at Ikkaku and she just sticks her tongue out at them. “Don’t give me that, Hakugan is gonna be on maintenance with the rest of us. It’s not a punishment.”

“It’s cause no one else can lift Law and Bell as fast as Bepo or Jean.” Hakugan says. “You’d tip over and fall off the gangplank.”

“See? You could’ve been running up and down that gangplank all day tomorrow with the cap’n on your shoulders.” Ikkaku asserts in triumph. “You should be thanking me.”

You look over at Law and stare for a moment. He side-eyes you, but doesn’t say anything. You were fairly certain he almost had meant it as a punishment of sorts, or at the very least just wanted most of the crew out of his hair tomorrow. Though, you supposed that if he really wanted to punish them, he would’ve made them scrape barnacles off the hull, instead of removing them with his devil fruit power like he usually did.

[orange-s-mario]

thinking about how the superman family (like the ones related to him) dynamics would be if I put them all together. hmmm a few of these are slightly changed to either make more conflict or to make a character have more character (looking at you Dik-Zee) also splitting kon into kon & conner simply because I can

Gregor would be a dust phantom in these which informs how he interacts with some characters. He and Chris are the only ones who can directly converse with Mon whenever. Gregor would still have an edge to him and have the whole complex he had in the original story - amplified by the fact that he is currently in some half-dead half alive state due to his powers

Johny would be jealous of other people still having their powers. Johny and Gregor would argue the most out of all his siblings but he's closest to Gregor

Cir would mostly be how she acted in the original run. No Mia though since they were somehow able to split apart so Cir tries out different secret identities but she's not very good at it despite everyone's help. She's probably the most positive one here

Jon Lane. he's mostly the same, still has some edge after development, Cir and Jon Lane found themselves in the same plane of non-existence and were somehow brought back idk. Anyways he mostly keeps to himself since he feels guilty about his past

N52 Kon: i haven't read n52 kon

Tommy; he visits occasionally. he's just kinda there

Jimmy Olsen: he's Jimmy Olsen. In this the whole sun/son thing happens right before all the Hal Rand thinking he's Mark Olsen stuff. but he's basically same jimmy as always. Family friend status. also mark and hal are married in this continuity. knows a lot about Cadmus stuff

Secundus: give him all of Kon & Jonathan's insecurities multiplied by 10. Since he's kind of a combination of both AND there's plenty of other people who'd accept being Superman

Chris Kent: he still has abandonment issues. Due to Nightwing powers he can directly talk to phantom zoners without the phantom zone viewer.

Jonathan Samuel Kent: feels a bit awkward about all this. The Ultraman thing happened so he has trauma from that. the others don't understand why he went with Jor in the first place. Jealous of the twins the most

Otho & Osul: still have Warworld trauma. still a bit worried about the old god thing. they tend to get along with everyone well, but all their siblings have hangups with how Clark handled being a parent or how Clark wasn't able to be a parent to them, which leaves them a bit confused on how to feel about their siblings

Conner Kent: an adaptation of YJTV conner, so he's a bit quicker to anger

Clark's kryptonian relatives (cousins & their kids)

Van-Zee; looks up to Clark, has a close bond to Ak-Var

Sylvia DeWitt, trained a bit in Klurkor; has powers under a yellow sun due to Van-Zee's serum. She's more reserved than Lois

Lyle-Zee and Lili Van-Zee: absolute menaces, drive their parents a bit mad.

Dik-Zee: generally a chill dude but a bit of a slacker, but it doesn't really affect his job much due to the thought type writers. he's a bit of a romantic as well. Generally wears a superman suit whenever though because of Van's twins

Ak-Var, married into the family. Happy that most of them accept him since the red K incident.

Thara Gem-Zee; likes learning about Kryptonian history, which is why she likes talking to Ak-Var who lived on Krypton before it blew up

Don-El; he's more serious and tries always being professional. Unfortunately he's also the first to suspect Ak if there's any a slightest chance of Ak-Var becoming a criminal again, which is unfortunate for Ak-Var

Rad-Zee; generally keeps to himself in a lab. doesn't like Van's twins because of their shenanigans

Kara Zor-El: more brash than Clark. Due to having both sets of parents alive and being in a different city, she doesn't visit often. More likely to be seen in Kandorian or Kryptonian celebrations than Earth ones though sometimes her whole family visits Clark's on Earth holidays

Judy/Equila gained her powers back and her grandparents started living on Earth as well. They take care of Judy while Kara is busy since Judy likes being with Kara

Clark's siblings (& their kids):

Cory Renwald; since he's a government agent, he's usually busy. Doesn't know Clark is Superman, but knows they have a connection. Trusts Clark's judgement on things, but feels Clark's too much of a goody two shoes. Doesn't really visit due to being busy but he'll try if he has time

Kral of Titan: succeeded in his revolution on Titan, which feels awkward for him since he feels guilty about thinking of betraying superboy (clark). Since everyone's a telepath on titan, everyone there knows this, but they built a statues to honor him anyways. Also learned that the temperature control gene is recessive (this is to connect it better to losh). Tries visiting often to escape the awkward situation he put himself in, but has to deal with making sure things don't go back to how it was during Clark's Smallville days

Kathy Warren; busy with Cadmus work usually. Doesn't feel like she has to hide her super intelligence anymore and feels like Cadmus has people she can relate to that don't alienate her

Kon-El; tries to be his own man, still has some of the complexes he's had before but he's getting better at handling them. Specifically remembers the Kents being alive so it's weird that he finds that in this continuity they're dead

Martha: time travel brings a future version of the baby that Kon was co-parenting on gemworld. She feels like Kon abandoned her. Kon can't really argue against that

Mighto/Tim Tate: Blames Clark/Kal for the death of his parents. Generally unpleasant to be around. More reserved on the Kents' death day (most of Clark's siblings meet up at their graves), Mighto does not attack on that day, despite all his flaws, Tim loved the Kents

Varl Quoz: Sometimes either he or the Kents/Els travel to Xenon though they make sure they always have enough fuel and spare parts to travel to and from it. The former weakling world is also used for people to live on. Varl and Kal get along well but due to Clark's privacy, the rest of the family is unsure of the whole situation (Varl explains later during their second or third vacation there)

Mon: he's still stuck in the phantom zone. Sometimes he makes asides, or attempts to help the family. Gregor and Chris are closest to him due to actually being able to talk whenever with him. Mon is grateful for this since this means he has more to do than absolutely nothing

Halk Kar: a bit insecure due to having lesser powers than Superman and thinking he was stronger when he thought he was Superman's brother. Is usually space traveling so he only visits on rare occasions

Mae: generally the same, except she lives with Linda. also in this continuity she's made by this universe's Lex (he was using an alternate identity) & Kathy while they were both working at Cadmus

Linda: generally the same except she keeps the Earth Angel powersTwilight: lives with Linda and Mae. uses her darkness powers similarly to how the Earth Angels use their powers (wings and blasts)

Blithe & Comet: live with Linda & Mae

Ariella: raised mainly by Linda and Mae. she's worse than Van's twins in how much chaos she can cause, which is, at least one of, the reasons why the others live with Linda and Mae

H'El: hates clones. has super op powers. Respects Jor so he doesn't attack on days that Jor-El discovered something which luckily is a lot of days. nobody likes him which makes him even mopier. Sometimes he crashes on someone else's couch just to angst about it and complain about everything. everyone else here finds him annoying

Rogol Zaar: everyone else here hates him - including Mighto and H'El. it's because he's the only one that doesn't care for Jor or the Kents (Mighto thinks you should respect your parents; despite H'El's breakdown he still is kryptonian and respects Jor). He is never invited

Lanes:

Lois: rash and more bold. Takes charge

Sam: war criminal

Lucy: somehow a combination of post-IC, Pre-crisis & Post-crisis Lucy. I'll figure it out. Anyways she has supernaturally white hair due to some jimmy olsen stuff that happened. In the end she married Ron and has a son with him

Sam Troupe: friends with the super kids, most notably john and chris. Is really confused about everything since john and chris are suddenly older than him, so he hangs out with the super-twins now

Leonardo: has a bit of a rivalry with Cory. Cory tries to ignore it

Legion stuff:

Laurel Kent manhunter and Laurel Kent real person coexist. the manhunter decides to be an antihero and later hangs out with Dev-Em

Kent Shakespeare: generally how he acts in 5YLXTC and Jonathan Samuel Kent cousins that bicker; idk I'd have to think more about it

Laurel Gand: distantly related to Mon-El, takes more after 5YL Laurel

Sensor Girl 2: Kara(?) (it's unclear)'s descendant who only has the super senses (super vision, microscopic vision, super hearing, super shouting, super ventriloquism that type of powers). Unsure if she should be legion age, little legion age, or between them hmmmm...anyways sometimes some of the Kents or Els visit the other time period other then their native one

[protectoratenova07]

I will never not get annoyed over people saying that Brian/Grue joining the Heroes was the obvious and easiest choice out there. Admittedly, the WOGs expand more on it, but even with what we get from Arc 4 when he talks about his trigger event, I can't comprehend how anyone wouldn't see the reasons for him not wanting to join the government sponsored heroes.

Basing this off memory, but to sum it up, Brian goes to him moms house after getting a text from Aisha asking for help. He finds her in some poor condition ( I don't think he goes into detail and it may not matter if he did cause he's not telling the full truth here) and when he tries to take her back to his dad's, their step-dad gets in thew ay and doesn't let them leave. Brian proceeds to beat him up, take his sister back, and gets powers sometime in between.

Then, he, aisha, and their dad go to the police the very next morning. They explain what happened and Brian still describes how he almost got sent to jail. Only aisha backing him up and his step-dad missing an asshole anonymous meeting saved him. And he still got some months of community service. Like, in my opinion he did the right thing every step of the way and still almost got screwed over.

Sometime later, (not immediately cause he's 14 to 15 when he gets powers) he decides to try and take care of aisha by being a villain to get enough money/backing to do it.

That's all described in arc 4. Now we get into the WOGs. Again, basing this off memory, but I can try to find them later.

First, Brian lied about his trigger, a little bit. General event still happened, but when he claimed he didn't know who the man was besides being his mom's new boyfriend, he lied. He knew that man bc it was the same boyfriend who had abused him in the past. And his mom brought him back and let him interact with his sister. Add in his mom's other problems and his dad's ("I wouldn't describe him as abusive") there was a fair bit of emotions Brian was going through that he didn't share. But at the end of the day, every adult in his life failed him and his sister. He wouldn't be willing to extend his trust as easily.

Second, a different WOG described Brian getting into crime in a panic bc aisha had done something afterward that led to her needing to get bailed out of something with money (again, going off memeory) so even if he wanted to join the wards he'd be doing it with a record. Presumably he later decided he might as well go all in on it and get aisha into a safer environment than both his parents. He probably thought it may help with keeping her out of trouble as well if she wasn't around two people who didn't know how to raise kids (not that he did either, but he probably thought he couldn't do worse).

Third, by WOG he did actually consider the wards, but after researching them decided they wouldn't be worth it. Admittedly this was moreso bc of his own hangups with commitment. Bc telling the big organization your power and identity then trying to bail wouldn't really work out, but apparently it was still preferable to a career of crime. It's not like the Protectorate would actually have authority to take a child away from their parents anyway without major proof, especially if that kid isn't a parahuman themself.

Fourth, the undersiders were generally a low risk high reward chance until Taylor joined and brought them her bad luck. They operated for a year and only got into some mild skirmishes with Lung and them being escape artist didn't have an issue with him. Besides that, they made a shot ton of money on top of the 2grand their sponsor gave them.

Fifth, I don't think we ever learned what the time table was for Coil helping out with Brian getting custody, especially given how suspicious Brian was of their mysterious boss and his motives preleviathan. Maybe Coil admitted to knowing Brian's problems and offered a solution at the start. Maybe Brian opened up with it as a condition to him joining. Or maybe after a few months of getting 2grand a relatively easy missions Brian decided to trust the boss who hadn't screwed him and ask for the money to be given to him in a legal paycheck for better chance at custody. I say that last option bc Brian is supposed to be the careful pragmatic one who thinks about his choices and doesn't do the crazy option unless bug girl decides to go full throttle and he begrudgingly goes along. And giving his personal details and a sure fire way of blackmail isn't excalty the pragmatic choice.

Tldr: he has to have some pretty big distrust of authority cause shifty parents and probably shotty police and by WOG became a criminal in a panic before going full in on it. Cause he was, again, like 15 years old.

Now, the argument for him joining the wards is that the Heroes/PRT could have snapped their fingers and given everything Brian would want. And seeing the deal Madcap got I can definitely see the idea behind it, but there are a few problems with that. A) Brian wouldn't know shit about how desperate the Heroes are bc they don't advertise that. B) I'm not sure how much power they would actually have over taking kids away from unhealthy environments cause laws and shit would probably limit that. C) as stated above, he says he almost got jailed for hurting his step-dad so I don't see him liking authority at this stage, no matter how just he was in the eyes of the law for it. D) Brian's own issues and that he's a 15 year old so he won't see the world as a perfectly rational being.