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#they both have insomnia
kittengutss · 9 months
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Sooooo eepy snnnzzzzz
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beybuniki · 5 months
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they should go on a fishing trip pt.1
#DONT COMMENT ON THE BACKGROUND I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWW#anyway this is day 1. they take a bus. the bakugo household has fishing gear so ´deku is wearing bakugo's onesoe (?) and bakugo is wearing#his dad's. and notices he has grown :')#anyway they take a BUS and don't feel like doing this at all it's awkward for so many reason#also trying to relax after everything is neurologically just really hard they might be hyperivgilant dik#and there's so much they never got to unpack bnut they have to and they have to start somewhere and with someone#deku makes that flower crown while bakugo preps everything and they both look at it and are thrown back into their childhood 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️#and at first they just sit and wait for the bavarian fish to bite (rody should make a cameo tbh) but then bakugo breaks the iceeee.#and he starts with their moms because their moms have been such a stubbron connection between these two :')#and deku answers with the usual 'good :) how's your mom :)?' and to everyone's surprise he actually opens up#and tells deku about his mom's insomnia because she watched her son die (that shit was live streamed tpo 10 bnha tweets btw)#idk i love to think of their moms being a very easy subject to connect through i think it's easier for them that way to be more vulnerablei#and then some fish biteeeeeeeeeeee#but like 3 small ones so they have to gather berries and mushrooms and make stew (dw there's an aldi this is bavaria after all)#but yeah day 1 is a bit weird like it's just them in the woods with no distractions#which is so different from whatever went on during their 1st year of high school#don't read this i will throw up i just need this somewhere this is my public scrapbook#bnha#deku#midoriya izuku#bakugo katsuki#the flower crown on their knees makes this a bit homosexual but fishing is always homosexual im not fighting against that#au:#fishing
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snackugaki · 2 years
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glasses and gadgets gang
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varpusvaras · 4 months
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Fox knew what it was like to be tired.
He knew it like it was a physical thing he had carried around with him for years. He knew the weight of it, the way it would drag him down, threatening to pull him through the floor and the ground and through the core of the planet, until he would fall into the endless void of space. During the worst of it, Fox would wonder it that was the only way he was ever going to feel weightless again.
The few hours of sleep he would get during the nights would only make him be able to carry the weight a little easier for the time being, but not make it any lighter. It was something more at that point, Fox had realised, something that would not be cured with just simply closing his eyes for a moment.
So, when Thorn asked him, the moment before Fox stepped onto the ship that would take him away from Coruscant permanently, what was the first thing Fox would do when he got to Alderaan, Fox had an answer ready.
"Sleep", he said. "I'm going to get into a real bed and sleep."
He truly meant it. He also meant it when he told Bail the same, and he meant it when he told it to Breha too.
They all agreed that it was a good idea.
"We're going to take care of everything", Breha promised him.
"You can just rest now", Bail said, and tucked Fox a little closer to him. "Just sleep."
The bed was comfortable, Bail and Breha were warm and safe next to him, and Fox was so, so tired.
He didn't need to be told twice. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
---
Fox opened his eyes.
It was still dark in the bedroom. He was still tucked securely against Bail, with Breha pressed close against his other side. They were both still sleeping.
Fox was fully awake.
He craned his neck a little to see the chrono on Breha's nightstand. 4.15. Precisely the time Fox had woken up every single morning during the war.
Fox turned to look at the ceiling. He counted to ten. The time was still 4.15.
He closed his eyes and tried to match his breathing first to Bail's, then to Breha's, but in vain. He was awake.
Fox opened his eyes and looked at the time. 4.23.
He laid there, looking at the chrono as the minutes slowly ticked by. By 4.30, there was a feeling creeping in. Fox knew it very well. It was the same feeling he had felt every single time he had been stuck in the medbay for any longer period of the time, while he acutely knew that he had work waiting for him.
Restlessness.
By 4.45, he was starting to feel almost anxious. The bed was comfortable and warm, and Bail and Breha were still sleeping, and Fox didn't want to get up, but he wasn't so sure if he could stay in the bed for much longer either.
4.50. 4.55. 4.58. 4.59.
5.00.
Very slowly and very carefully, Fox slid out of Bail's hold and away from Breha, and after making sure that they were still sleeping, he quietly made it out of the bed, grabbed Bail's robe and put it on himself, and then sneaked out of the bedroom.
He didn't do much. He just walked around for a bit in their living room, getting the anxiousness out of his body and his legs to stop tingling, and then he sit down on their couch and looked out of the window. The sun was rising at that point, making the sky pale where it touched down on the mountaintops.
Bail's robe was soft and warm and smelled faintly of Bail's cologne. Fox got a datapad, selected a random video of how to make a some sort of buttercheese pastry, and he buried himself deeper into the robe and watched it. Then he watched through whatever videos the site was suggesting for him, until the sky was painted warm, and he could hear an alarm go off in the bedroom.
It took another few minutes until Breha appeared next to him.
"Oh", she said, and turned to look over her shoulder. "I found your robe, dear!"
Then she sat next to Fox and put her arm around him.
"Have you been awake for long?" She asked. There was no accusation in her voice, and Fox felt a sting of guilt for expecting it to be there.
"For a while", Fox answered. He looked at the time on the datapad. 6.56. "I...couldn't sleep."
He felt somehow like he had failed at something when he said it. Breha only nodded slowly, before she sighed softly, and put her head on Fox's shoulder.
"Did you sleep well?" She asked.
To that, Fox thankfully had a better answer.
"I did", he said. He really had. It had probably been the best sleep of his entire life.
"That's good", Breha said, and lifted her head enough to kiss him on the cheek. "Now, there's going to be caf in just a moment. The usual for you? Black, with a lot of sugar?"
Fox really should be cutting back the sweeteners in his caf, he knew that. But maybe, just this once.
"Exactly that", he answered, just as Bail also made his way into the living room.
"We need to get you your own", he said, looking at Fox. Then he paused for a moment, before adding, "not that you don't look cute in that."
Fox stuck out his tongue at him. Bail only laughed.
---
Fox went to sleep that night, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.
He woke up at 4.15.
He waited until 4.45, and then slid out of the bed.
---
Fox went to sleep, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.
He woke up at 4.15.
He laid there for ten more minutes, before he slid out of the bed.
---
Fox went to sleep, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.
He woke up at 4.15.
He was fully awake, but he felt so heavy. He wanted to just keep laying there, in the warm bed, in the warm and safe embrace he was yet again lovingly wrapped in.
But no. His body soon begun to tell him that he needed to get up, right now, or he was going to have to tear his own skin off.
Fox slid out of the bed, made it to the living room, and collapsed onto the couch.
He was so tired. He wanted to sleep.
Breha and Bail definitely looked concerned when they saw him there that morning.
"Do you want to go see the doctors?" Breha asked him carefully.
"I don't know", Fox told her. He shouldn't have to. He was tired. He wanted to sleep.
---
Fox went to sleep, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.
He woke up at 4.15.
He was fully awake. He was so tired. He wanted to sleep.
Fox forced his eyes shut. He laid there as long as he could, before he had to get up.
He wasn't so careful with it that time, and Bail opened his eyes as he was halfway out.
"Fox?" He asked, groggily, lifting his head. "Where are you going?"
Fox crumpled the sheets in his fists.
"I can't sleep", he choked out, and then fled the bedroom.
Bail followed him a couple of minutes later, and quietly and gently gathered Fox in his arms, and sat with him on the couch, watching a random video after random video, until Breha's alarm went off.
Breha asked Fox about the doctors again. Fox still didn't have an answer for her.
He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep.
What else should he have needed?
---
Fox went to sleep, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.
He woke up at 4.15.
Fox couldn't stop the frustrated and desperate sob from escaping from his mouth before it was too late. Both Bail and Breha were awakened by it, and by the time they had realised what was going on, Fox was already full-on crying.
"I just want to sleep!" Fox wailed, biting his teeth together so hard that it hurt his jaw. "I just want to sleep!"
He pressed his palms against his eyes, trying to keep them shut, but of course, it didn't work.
He was fully awake.
He was so tired. He wanted to sleep.
Breha made the decision for Fox then and there.
"I'm taking you to the doctors", she said, leaving no room for any arguments, not that Fox had any left anyway.
---
The doctor said that Fox's body was still in the so-called "stress mode". It had not yet realised that it was out of the danger, out of the stressful environment it had been forced to operate in for so long.
It was going to take time, apparently, for it to snap out of it. In the meanwhile, Fox got a prescription for something that was supposed to help him sleep.
The doctor gave the medicine to Breha and told her the dosage. Fox thought that it was for the best as well.
---
Fox took his medicine, went to sleep, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.
He was awakened by the alarm. He watched as Breha and Bail got up.
"Do you want to stay in bed for a bit longer?" Bail asked him softly.
Fox nodded. He had slept, but he didn't feel like it at all.
Bail brushed his hair gently back from his face. Breha kissed him just as gently on the forehead before they headed out.
He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep.
Fox cried himself silently back to the sleep that didn't feel like sleep at all.
---
Fox kept his head up, even though it weighed a ton, and he wanted nothing more than to just let it drop down, down, down.
He knew what being tired felt like. It was all that he had ever known, after all.
He blinked. People around him had moved. Oh, right. They were going to have dinner with Bail's family. Fox liked them a lot. He hoped that they liked him as well.
He blinked again. Tia was saying something to him. Fox liked Tia. She was like a smaller Bail, without a beard and a lot more hair.
Fox turned to look at her. She was shorter than him, just a bit. Not a lot, but he still needed to look down if he wanted to look her in the eyes.
He looked down, down, down, past her eyes, past her, down, down, down.
He was so tired.
He just wanted to sleep.
---
Breha bit on her thumbnail.
"Stop that", Bail said, and grabbed her wrist. "You're making it bleed."
Breha would've almost preferred that, if she was being completely honest.
"I know, I just-" She had to pause to gather her thoughts. "I just feel so awful. How did I not notice that it was not working?"
"He was sleeping more", Bail said. He ran his thumb soothingly up and down her wrist. "We knew that he was tired. It doesn't get better in a few days. I didn't notice either."
Breha appreciated him trying to make it sound better, even if it was not working.
Veda opened the door then, and motioned them in.
"Bad news? He's exhausted, and has a little bump and a bruise on his head", she started, scrolling through the diagnosis on her datapad. "Good news? He's sleeping now, and the bump and the bruise will fade in a few days."
Bail squeezed Breha's shoulder.
"What should we do?" He asked.
"Let him sleep", Veda answered. "His body has finally said enough. Make sure that he eats and keeps himself hydrated. I will come and check on him as often as you want."
Breha let herself breathe a little deeper.
"Thank you", she said. Veda smiled a bit.
"It's not the first time I've seen this", she said. "It took a while for Index and the boys to start getting actual rest. They kept waking up in the middle of the night, fully awake and feeling like they needed to get to work. They're better now. Fox will also get better, I promise."
Breha was going to hold onto that promise.
Fox looked very small by himself on the bed, with the blanked wrapped all around him. He didn't wake up when Breha slid onto the bed next to him and wrapped her arms around him as well.
---
Fox slept through the rest of the day like a stone, barely moving at all. Breha kept telling herself that it was alright, that he was finally resting.
Fox did finally move, when they both went to sleep as well. He shifted a little when Breha rested her head over his chest and Bail wrapped his arm around his middle. He made a small sound, and then sagged back against the pillows with a deep sigh.
His heartbeat was strong against Breha's ear. She fell asleep listening to its steady drumming.
---
Fox woke up the next day just before noon. He went to the bathroom, ate a bowl of light soup their chef had made for him, drank a glass of water Bail gave him, mumbled I love you to them, and went back to bed.
He was out again the moment his head hit the pillow.
Bail draped the blanket over him.
"At least he is sleeping", he said. "I'll do my work from here today."
Breha nodded.
"Update me if anything happens", she made him promise.
---
Bail sent her the first picture ten minutes into the first hearing of the day.
Breha quickly glanced at it in between the speakers.
Fox had grabbed onto the rest of the pillows as well, and stuffed them halfway inside his blanket.
He has made his claim read the message accompanying the picture.
The picture made something unwind further in her chest.
It would be okay, she told herself.
---
"Did you sleep well?" Breha asked, twirling Fox's hair around her finger.
"Mm-mmh", Fox hummed, already mostly asleep again. Breha peppered light kisses on his cheeks and nose before he was fully under again.
---
The Cocoon has moved, Bail messaged her at the end of the weeks Council meeting. In the attached picture, Fox had apparently rolled over to the other side of the bed from where Breha had left him that morning. His hair was sticking up a bit, and he had a small pout on his face as he slept.
He was so very adorable. Breha saved the image for herself.
---
Fox slept through the last two days of the week as well, with barely stirring for longer than a few minutes at a time.
Zhellday morning he blinked awake around ten, properly hungry for the first time in a while, and ate a good breakfast and a light lunch soon on top of it. He went back to bed after, but didn't fall back asleep right away.
"How are you feeling?" Bail asked him.
Fox blinked at couple of times, his nose scrunching up in thought.
"Tired", he said. "Better. But sweaty."
Bail laughed.
"You've been toasting inside the blankets for a while", he said. "I'll draw you a bath."
Fox smiled back at him, a little wobbly.
"Thank you", he said, and then promptly fell back asleep.
Bail shook his head, and went to the bathroom to warm up the bathtub.
---
"Have I ever told you about the time I decided to run away from home?" Bail asked.
"No?" Fox turned to look at him, after blinking slowly first. He was shoulders in to the water, with the foaming soap already stuck to one side of his face.
"I was around ten", Bail started, rolling his sleeves up more and putting his hands into the water to scoop it up. He poured the water over Fox's head a few times over, before getting the shampoo. "Back then I really didn't want to grow up to be a Nobleman."
He poured the shampoo to his hands and rubbed them together slightly, before starting to work it into Fox's hair.
"I do remember that", Fox mumbled. He tilted his head forward a bit to give Bail better access. "You wanted to go adventuring around the Galaxy."
"I did", Bail nodded. "It was really getting to me, at that point. I would spend all the time I could outside, living inside my games, predenting I was far, far away from Kathou, from Alderaan altogether. I thought this place was boring back then."
He still remembered it clearly, although not too vividly. Too much had changed during the years between that and the current moment. Now, Bail didn't know anything better than Alderaan.
He got the shampoo in, and got more water to rinse it out. They had gotten a good conditioner as well, one that promised that it was made to keep curly hair like Fox's soft and moisturised. The soaps the GAR had used had definitely not been made with the clone's hair in mind.
"I was awake one night, later than I should've been", Bail continued, as he started to gently massage the conditioner to Fox's hair. "I was thinking of sneaking into the library and getting one of the books to read, when I heard my parents talk. They were debating over sending me to a school to learn some discipline and responsibility. I feel a bit funny over how much that thought upset me then. I was definitely a bit spoiled."
He felt especially silly about it now, sitting next to the bathtub in the Royal Palace, while washing his husband's hair for him. His husband, who had known nothing else than training and pain and duty his entire life before now, and was tired to the bone because of it.
Bail's parents had not even been the ones who had come up with the idea of sending him to a boarding school for a year or two. It had been his grandfather, and his parents had been very much against the idea, believing that Bail would grow out of it when he was older, if he just felt supported enough. They had been very right, of course. Not that Bail had stayed to listen to them for long enough to figure that out-
Fox slid deeper into the water. His eyes had closed while Bail had concentrated on getting the conditioner in.
His mouth was partially under the water now. Bail put his hand under his chin and lifted it up.
"Fox", he called. Fox startled a bit, and sent the water splashing as he scrambled to sit back up, his eyes open and wide.
"I'm awake", he said, shivering as his wet skin hit the air. "I'm awake. Sorry, what did you just say?"
There was a single curl plastered over Fox's forehead and the bridge of his nose. Bail stiffled a laugh.
"I was saying, that I think you have been in there for long enough", he said. "Let me just rinse this off."
Fox's eyes were drooping again by the time Bail had gotten a towel for him. Bail dried his hair and wrapped the towel around him, and then led him back to the bedroom.
Sometimes Bail didn't like his height and size, but sometimes being the tallest person in most rooms came in handy. His shirts were all too big for Fox, and thus easy to slip on him without too much of a fuss.
Fox's eyes were barely open as Bail got him back to bed.
"Have good dreams, my love", he said, pressing a kiss on Fox's forehead. Fox hummed, content, and just a few seconds later, he was already asleep.
Bail got his datapad and laid down next to him, opening his inbox. Fox shifted, and nuzzled in closer to Bail's side.
Bail threw his arm behind him and slipped his fingers into Fox's still slightly damp hair, and Fox settled back down with another soft, content noise.
---
Breha got back from her audiences a couple of hours later.
She opened her hair from the braid and tied it back up to a simple updo, changed out her dress to simple shirt and soft pants and laid down on the other side of Fox.
"I see that you managed to keep him from drowning in the bath", she said, leaning her head lightly on Fox's chest. Fox turned his head slightly to her direction, breathing in a little deeper.
"Had a couple of close calls", Bail laughed, and put his datapad away. "Do you want to watch something?"
"They have the new episode of House Brighterdon up", Breha said, grinning as Bail groaned. "Don't try that, I know you're just as invested as we are."
"Are you sure it's alright to watch it without Fox?" Bail asked. He was already reaching for the screen controls.
"What makes you think that Fox and I haven't already watched it?" Breha asked. "The episode was released a couple of weeks ago already, the next one is coming next week. I'm not watching that one without Fox, don't you worry."
"If you have already watched this, why are you making me watch it?" Bail asked. He was typing the name of the show in as he spoke.
"Because, like I just said, I know you're just as invested as we are. I'm just making sure that you are caught up as well, you stubborn little bantha."
Bail rolled his eyes and pressed start.
---
Fox opened his eyes.
It was still dark in the bedroom. He was still tucked securely against Bail, with Breha pressed close against his other side. They were both still sleeping.
He blinked slowly, and then lifted his head to look at the chrono on Breha's nightstand. 4.14
Fox watched as the time ticked over to 4.15.
Then he put his head back down, burrowed a little deeper under his blanket, and closed his eyes, drifting back to easy sleep.
---
Fox knew what it was like to be tired.
He knew it like it was a physical thing he had carried around with him for years. Whatever sleep he had gotten before had only made him be able to carry the weight a bit easier for a little while, but not make it weigh any less.
Fox woke up to the ringing of the alarm and the first rays of proper sunlight softly shining through the blinds.
He moved his arms and legs, hoisting himself up, and rubbed his eyes.
As he sat there, in the middle of his bed, in his bedroom, with his wife and husband waking up next to him, for the first time in his life, Fox felt lighter.
Bail leaned to press a quick kiss to the corner of Fox's mouth.
"Good morning", he said, his voice still a bit rough from the sleep. "Did you sleep well?"
Fox breathed in.
"Yes", he said.
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cerezzzita · 6 months
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Another delulu thought of mine ft. Devil May Cry:
Sparda's signature color is purple (at least in his human form). Back there in junior school we know that if you mix two different colors from the Primary Colors palette they'll result in another shade. Purple is the result we have when we combine red and blue.
My actual point is: Dante's and Vergil's signature colors, red and blue, works as if Sparda's had "split" himself on his sons. A color like purple here is solid and sorta unique, but then came his sons, and this color had split into two. Two different shades, two different souls. I hope y'all catched what I meant.
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melomelod111 · 10 months
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Small doodle/wip dump I’ve done through out the week!! Yes 3/4 of these are Vani. It’s been a Vanitas type week. Last one is me giving a go at Nomura’s style w/ Vani
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azureandcrimson · 15 days
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Sleeping Issues.
Okay. I have a lot of headcanons, but I think this is one that would be canon or could be. Wukong and Macaque get nightmares, a lot, Wukong less then Macaque (Because I made a super horrible traumatizing past for Macaques family before he met Wukong :3) In the past if one of them got a nightmare they would get up and walk to wherever the other was sleeping without a word and just cuddle up with each other (Platonic or Romantic) But after Macaques death/murder and revival, both of their nightmares picked up, and also he had more issues with sleep as he worked with LBD and The Mayor, he barley ate, he barley slept, (I HC that Wukong is chubby and Macaque is skinny <3) but anyways, he barley took care of himself because he was so focused on other things, and if he did get sleep he would wake up from a nightmare about an hour or two later. So, that leads to this headcanon I have for Macaque. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Macaque has Insomnia Nightmares/Nightmares Disorder While nightmares are associated with certain mental health conditions, such as PTSD. Nightmare disorder is a pattern of repeated frightening and vivid dreams that cause significant distress or impaired functioning. It is one type of parasomnias, which are behavioral sleep abnormalities. Nightmare disorder causes frequent, extended nightmares that commonly depict serious threats to the dreamer’s life, safety, and well-being. They wake from them feeling alert and deeply distressed. Typically, they can vividly recall the content of the nightmare. Mild: Less than one nightmare per week on average. ~ Moderate: One or more nightmares per week, but less than nightly. ~ Severe: Nightmares every night. It can also vary in duration: Acute nightmare disorder lasts one month or less. ~ Subacute nightmare disorder lasts at least one month but less than six months. ~ Chronic nightmare disorder lasts for six months or longer. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ After he get's these nightmares he can't fall back asleep because his thoughts are swirling, so usually he just stares up at the sky/ceiling/ whatever he's under, thinking, laying there for hours until he has to get up.
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that#but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to#play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite#but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head#And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother#and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand#to have empathy for how I must be feeling#I mean it's still all on her#but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy#Every time I was like#In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved#And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking#heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked#and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed#to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was#bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window#I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants#he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it#I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream#the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life#and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it#and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD#so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house#I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back#there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still#this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard
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petrichormore · 9 months
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Pomme was just telling Bad a few days ago about how she’d do anything to keep her family safe and then she wakes up and learns @v@ has stolen both her father and brother away from her while she was sleeping.
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Another thing that bothers me about Buck and Eddie's "love interests" is that they have no connection to the rest of the team.
Not just that they had little to no social interactions with the team while they're together.
Maddie, Karen, and Athena all have other connections to the team besides who they're dating or married to.
Maddie is Buck's sister, he introduced her to Chimney. When he saw them becoming close he encouraged them to start dating.
Karen was Chimney's friend and neighbor. He set her up with Hen, and got them back together when they almost break up.
Athena and Hen were friends before they met Bobby. Hen knew before anyone else they were dating and was mad she didn't set them up.
So who have Buck and Eddie been introduced to by the team?
Albert - They both met him when he came to see his brother, Chimney
Josh - Maddie and Chimney introduced him to Buck
And hang on who else is there? Oh right
EACH OTHER
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functor-reality · 2 months
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does anyone else genuinely struggle with the stress you get from attending conferences or multiple day seminars/workshops
and do you have any advice
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darcyolsson · 7 months
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goodnight tumblr if you see me online after this you should send someone to whack me over the head with a cartoonishly large hammer
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princesskkfish · 1 year
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You guys seemed to like the other old comic I made so may I present this little insomniac disaster twins comic??
this one is older then the last one but uhh yeah here it is ig
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quinn-pop · 1 year
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genuinely i could not sleep until i drew this. sewing jokes ft a very confused kirby
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at first i thought this idea was silly but i mean. it probably would be a big deal for the prince of patchland to be made of synthetic fibers, so uh
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bonus doodle of me when i actually am sewing lol (sorry for the anatomically incorrect iron)
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aroacesigma · 2 months
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theres too much sigzai fic where sigma is the therapist partner tbh. like have yall seen that man lets be fucking fr he would not give good advice he'd tell dazai to work overtime to ignore the crushing depression while being a perfect case study on exactly why that is a horrible idea
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koifsssh · 1 year
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a small gift for @cookie-catcoon !
oh... i cant seem to get them out of my head... he would try to learn spanish, i think. He wants to be able to communicate with all of his friends, of course!
I do think he'd be successful, he'd probably sound a little funny until he's developed his accent. (i know it took me a while...)
he's not very good at expressing how he feels about anything to be frank with you... so he probably speaks through flowers and small thoughtful little gifts... (most likely needs help from julie when it comes to flowers! bahaha!)
[ translation! : "Ah... um... th-this flower reminded me of you..."
"For me?" ]
I adore them both so much... bah!
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