#they broke me actually. i have my thoughts on the trope itself but i consider myself got

[midcaptain]

when all you know is darkness, you seek light.

BLOOD OF ZEUS — 2x03, "Winter Is Born."

[mdhwrites]

The Forbidden Stacks of the library in TOH puts me in throes. The books inside aren't even preserved if a zombie mouse can have a full-on buffet with them (going slightly off the rails "echo mouse" is a stupid name for something that doesn't absorb sound, I refuse to call it that). What's the point? What other history is lost because you'll let zombie-mice into the section versus employees/volunteers that aren't just gonna float around for the sake of being spooky? Why are they even forbidden when the section is smack-dab in the middle of the library and access-cards are evidently universal, you're just working off an honor system that people won't abuse accessibility? I guess that explains the zombie-mice. Or was it just more important for the writers to have a quick set-up for Lumity no matter how horribly applied the rules are?

The Forbidden Stacks could EASILY be improved if the writers had Amity work the section as a kind of promotion since she already has access, I could see a full burst of character development if her role was to ensure no one gets access to Philip's journal by orders of Belos himself, make her question why the journal itself is forbidden and if blindly following Belos' regime is worth being left in the dark. It would as be GREAT Lumity fuel if both sides had to choose between pleasing the other or preserving their own goals.

Now I've put myself in throes on how quickly all that could be adjusted. A devil's advocate should have been hired for the writing team LMAO.

So the forbidden section of a library in most fantasy media is a pretty common trope. Harry Potter wasn't the first to have something like it and The Owl House won't be the last. But... Well, I actually never gave it that much thought because it very much so does the job of the trope, give characters a place they're not supposed to with clear intentions on forbidden knowledge, but... I think this post very easily explains why the vibe of The Owl House is wrong for a fantasy show. I talked about this in general as of late but let's interrogate your complaints. Not to say your complaints aren't valid but it's the sort of thing that as a content creator is important to do. When someone tells you they'd rather have seen X thing be done in Y way, what are they really asking for? Tears of the Kingdom's fuse mechanic is a great showing of this as it fixed the breakable weapons for a lot of people while still allowing weaponry and the like to be a reward for exploration and combat, something that just removing the system would have lost. Instead, they made it so you can personalize your arsenal and it's MUCH harder to end a fight with simply a worse inventory than when you began (amongst a BILLION other great things about the fuse mechanic).

So what are the complaints here? A lot of them are what most would consider nitpicks. A story is allowed contrivances so as to FUNCTION and that's where suspension of disbelief comes into play. Something about the forbidden section broke your suspension of disbelief though. What was it?

Well, looking at them, my personal conclusion would be simple: It doesn't feel forbidden. It has a huge ass door that dominates one of the libraries walls, it comes across from how it looks to be SEVERAL times larger than the base library seeing as the base library only has like two floors, and yeah, it's not exactly hard to reach. Lumity go in in BROAD DAYLIGHT. There are also no traps, no detection systems, or... Anything to stop someone who has slipped inside from doing as they please, including animals. Like... While Amity is being scolded, is there just NOTHING watching the forbidden knowledge and only a weak magical lock? That doesn't really give the feeling of it being forbidden, does it?

And this isn't a new problem for The Owl House. They'll present a fantasy trope and then so half ass it that it barely feels like the trope. In fact, just tropes in general, hence the common complaint that Lumity is NOT enemies to lovers despite the setup because they spend almost no time being enemies. That's discarded for what is necessary for the plot point of Lumity.

But some people might yell at me about the Shortening, despite this being S2A which probably got minimal changes due to how production works, so could this have been done better without significant time changes?

...Yes. By making them physically act like they're in a place they're not supposed to be. You don't even really have to change the substance of what the two are talking about (which is hardly about the forbidden section). The two spend almost all their time there just laying or standing around. They effectively seem to be just in a library with bad lighting judging by their actions, posture, etc. like that, not helped by the two mostly focusing on each other than anything to do with the library. This de-emphasizes the library and the danger which is VERY common in The Owl House and is part of why it's such a shit adventure show.

Tweak their tones of voice so that they sound more like they're trying not to focus on how they're breaking the rules. Make their conversation travel while Amity points at places on the floor or the wall and both respectively either avoid or seek out those places. You don't even need to really up the animation here except for having them move at all because you don't need to show the magic traps and the like so long as you get the vibe right.

Better yet, this movement could also allow for more environmental storytelling and foreshadowing. They could pass by archived creatures, kept their for study and school project purposes but too dangerous to have just anyone interacting with, and one cage is broken open. Or the lid is slipped off and a sleeping echo mouse is sleeping within it. That way, the mouse didn't just slip in, it probably broke out recently and you just have to suspend disbelief that it chose the journal for its first meal.

This isn't even only doable in animation. You could do this in writing and have their actions and the background be the flavor that's helping punctuate and break up the conversation. In writing though, that WOULD add time and admittedly part of what gives my stuff a more brisk feeling is that unless it's important, I let the background be filled in with a mood and by the reader much more than vivid description. TOH IS animated though so having the backgrounds and the like help with the storytelling, or even just the movements of the characters, is part of how you tell a story in animation.

And yes, animation is expensive. My counterpoint to that is The Ghost and Molly McGee exists and its animation very commonly blows TOH out of the water with how expressive, dynamic, bizarre and HOW MUCH OF IT there is except for TOH's big ticket fights. I cannot believe that they could not do a simple walking sequence with scrolling backgrounds instead of more anime inspired "Okay, stop, freeze, talk, go," moments, especially in order to actually sell the fact that they're in a fantasy story.

There are other, smaller things like making it a smaller, metal door that requires multiple keys to be opened that are kept in the office that Amity normally would need to check out but isn't so that Luz isn't known to go back there. Admittedly, you could also actually make the librarian scary and rude. Make him more serious as to explain why Amity didn't just talk to the librarian because I've talked before about how it trying to be 'clever' (with the same joke its done how many times even by then of "Oh, you're such a fool to think it was actually dangerous or spooky") kind of makes the episode make no sense in retrospect.

And, most importantly, none of these changes would require a lot of time in the episode. Maybe a little more, just to have Amity have a line about a pressure plate or the like, but not much. The real difference is partially the difference between Amphibia and The Owl House because when the sleepover episode happens, the ghosts aren't the only reason that the place feels forbidden. It feels forgotten and creepy and they walk and talk to help show this in the posture the characters, the tones of voice they have, stuff like that. Amphibia enjoys its genre and concepts though while The Owl House CONSTANTLY feels like it would really rather just be a slice of life school series and so doesn't care about the fantasy or adventure elements.

And, well, Looking Glass Ruins is a good episode to highlight that. They murder illusion magic, they make glyphs EXTREMELY OP in it in ways that make no sense and make you wonder why the whole cast isn't adopting them, magical amplification should still ABSOLUTELY affect illusion magic so as to make it bigger or more believable, etc. like that even if it doesn't have a physical effect, etc. like that. But instead, the magic is warped and twisted and simply used for a trope that probably could have been done without the magic.

But like making the forbidden section incredibly boring and mostly just a background more than anything else and an excuse to get Amity in trouble... It all just feels like justification to make the concept they wanted without having to put in the effort.

Without caring. And an audience can feel when a writer doesn't care about something.

[asahicore]

hi!!!!!!!!! hello, im actually so excited to write this cuz ive just read “our secret moments” and aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, first thing, ive to say is i remeber recommending dress by tswift as a perfect song for this AND OMG u did use it <3 im so happy !!!!

okay, but lets get down to business!!

1.i loved that we got an inside on heeseung and what he has been up to!! it was really wholesome to read his own “figuring out i like my sisters best friend”, it was so cute and his overall makeover - that was fun to read!! also the bit of him meeting jake lmaoo that made me laugh ^^ i can totally see that !!!

2.the "lets avoid him" trope was what i expected and it was exceeded perfectly !! like yes!! thank u !! also chaeyeong seeing right THROUGH yn was amazing, yeah gurl u aint slick !!! but thanks for making the dumbass (yn) confront hee tho!!! bless!!!

3. PLEASE THE WHOLE MOVIE NIGHT STUFF??????? i giggled and kicked my feet like a little girl, omg, it was so amazingly written i could feel everything !!!every heart fluttering moment was described so well!!! I WAS AMAZED!!! and hooked on the story even more!!!!! their talk “so dont” 2eojiwfndwqdsjekwdsnjfsd making out in the kitchen was a superior scene!!!!

4. their "sneaking around" was also so well narrated!!! car is THE SPOT !!! omg and the star gazing :((( making out in the backseat tho 🤭🤭🤭

5. the pool party tho………consider me dead cuz it was so good, I LOVED THAT SCENE too, i mean..shirtless hee?? being playful in the pool? making heart eyes?? going on the slide with yn? kissing her THIGH?? MAMMA MIA !! :OO, toooooooooooo goooooooooooood 

6. ngl the fact that yn didnt tell Seeun the truth when she asked had me "oh NOO this is bad innit?" i knew this was not gonna end well whyyyyyy, i mean i get why cuz she was scared BUT :(((( 

7. and for the BIGGEST JAW DROPPING MOMENT OF THE FIC WHICH I READ LIKE THIS :OOOO,  the bedroom/shower scene HOLY FATHER AND THE HOLY SPIRIT!!!!! I ASCENDED… the dry humping  was so fucking hot,i mean , the idea itself BUT THE WAY U WROTE IT i was wowed and also they were so cute and heeseung IS THE BIGEEST SIMP EVER in a good way like his thoughts on not knowing what to do but doing what makes yn feel good……………………….god me when!!! REALLY IT WAS AMAZING!! THE SHOWER THO like i melted cuz of the whole "we can stay in our swim suit bby" was so adorable :((  AND THEY ACCIDENTAL I LOVE U I DIED I WAS NOT READY AND THEN IT GOT SO STEAMY??????????? HELLO??? I DIED SO MANY TIMES ALREADY LORD (emma) HAVE MERCY, it was too good, I swear to god them just wanting to make the other person feel good was and is the hottest concept and u made it CHIEF'S KISSES!!!!!! doll >>>>>>>>> ,

8. and then they were cuties again :(((( the morning scene had me melting i'm literally a puddle of fluff on the floor !!! let me walk u to the door and kiss u goodbye OH THIS IS NOT GOOOD GUYS !!! ABORT ABORT!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. ,............................ Seeun :(((( please the last scene broke my heart even though i know it was gonna happen, im so sad mann, i hope they gonna figure it out cuz if this has a sad ending then i will still read but my heart would never recover ANYWAY the way hee grabbed her but she just push him ->>>> emotional damage

UFFFFFFFFFFFF, THIS WAS 24K WORDS OF PURE MASTERPIECE, I ENJOYED EVERY BIT OF THIS, THANK U THANK U!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 It was so with the wait !!!! i'm so seriously in love with this !!! thank u sm for the time and work and everything that put into this it was MESMERIZING!!! the details and descriptions emma. ure insane, i swear u just so amazing!!! kissing ur brain URE THE BEST What the frick

emma i love u!! this made my weekend, i hope u gonna have a great week <3333 all the best ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

ps. this is so long im sorry :>

ANOOOOOOON !!!!! dont apologize omg receiving asks like these are the absolute best, i was smiling like an idiot and punching my pillows reading this thank you so so much !!! and omg thank you again for the song rec, it went so perfectly with the story!!

im glad u liked heeseung's part!! since gorgeous was all in reader's pov i thought it'd be nice to see how heeseung was feeling and have his backstory and all that... and yes jake hahaha he was really fun to write about

no cause thank god for chaeyeong otherwise these two idiots would probably still be stuck in their awkward phase 😭

AAAH movie night scene omg im so happy u enjoyed it !! i had kind of a hard time writing it cause i felt like it needed a lot of tiny details ugh so reading this is such a relief!! same for the pool party at first i had noooo idea how i was gonna write it lmao

im so glad u liked the smut part omg for some reason these are the scenes im always most unsure of !! but yeah these two are so sweet like they just want to make the other happy BUT AAAAH TY SO SO MUCH IM SO GLAD IT MADE U REACT THAT WAY 😭😭

and ikkkk yk how it is we needed at least a little bit of angst but yes dont worry i will give them a happy ending !!! which honestly i feel like is more realistic than a bad ending.. seeun and yn just need to talk things through 🥰

anon i seriously cannot thank u enough for this <333 ur the one who made my weekend !!!! when i receive asks like yours it makes me really happy to have started writing and posting on here :)) i appreciate u sm and love u too and hope u have a lovely rest of ur weekend!!!!<3333

[petofnadja]

Going into tonight’s episode (Freddie), I’ve been thinking about how I personally don’t particularly feel invested in whether or not a specific thing happens (yeah, Nandermo becoming/not becoming canon because that’s the main thing people are talking about, but also in general). For me, the foundation of my love of this show is the way that it stays true to the characters as the multifaceted Vampires/people they’ve been built to be, while continuing to be funny, subversive, experimental, and absurd in all the ways it is, and less about how it does that/whether or not it caters to or aligns with exactly what the fandom wants.

Take this last episode for example — I originally was off-put by the break from the standard mocumentary style into parodying HGTV, but the more that I thought about it the funnier it got and the more glad I was that something that I personally never could have imagined for the show got to happen. Like, of course the scariest episode has nothing to do with traditionally scary tropes and everything to do with whether or not the house will get ruined, and of course Simon the Devious is behind it. It’s about what specifically would be terrifying in the world of this show and not what the fandom would expect (In an interview some of the writers talk about how that was the Jackie Daytona pt. 2, not because Jackie was in it but because it broke character/kept character in a similarly absurd but effective way). This is definitely not a one to one comparison with things like whether or not ships become cannon, but sharing this as a moment where I hated what was going on and then realised it was actually perfect despite not being expected.

I think this has a lot to do, too, with the way the characters from the jump are representative of various identities without it having to be hammered home every episode — the writers don’t have to prove to us that Nandor or Guillemo are pansexual/gay, for ex., the only thing that’s in question is whether or not we’ll get to see them on screen as a couple.

We also know that these characters (the vampires specifically) have spent several hundred years behaving badly (despite their core selves) to just about everyone around them, so while it’s spectacular to see them being outwardly loving and caring and growing the last couple of seasons, it’s also not going to be a surprise to me if they do terrible things that they’ll then have to come back from next season. And that all feels very different than other shows I’ve watched where proving the character’s identity as either queer or A Good Person is the thing that’s at stake, not just playing out a particular plot line that works in the world of the show, even if it’s not the fandom-preferred one.

When I get really riled about the direction writers take things it’s usually for stuff like what happened with GoT or OUAT where it either broke rank completely in terms of storytelling/motivations or just seemed to keep going for the sake of keeping going. I’m not saying that I’d be mad if they do what the fandom overwhelmingly wants, but I personally really love the opportunity for a show to both be really solid inspiration for the fandom interms of fanart and fanfic, draw from it a bit, but also stay true to itself and play out its own storylines. And because of the way the show has gone so far, I don’t believe going totally off from its core is going to happen (or at least it feels a lot less likely to me all things considering), and I want to share my take on that since all I’ve been seeing at the moment are people (understandably) panicking about the direction of these next two episodes.

All that said I will still be doing my best Sophie from Stath Lets Flats impersonation while I wait for the episode to post to Hulu and screaming, crying, throwing up, regardless of what happens:

[fatiguing-thoughts]

What's one common trope given to each of the wolf pack that you just dont vibe with?❤

Commonly Given Tropes That I Don’t Vibe With

ok but i went a little overboard with this and elaborated so much more than i needed to

Sam: Everyone hates him for being such a hardass and for what he did to Leah. And I get it, I do. But a supernatural change in your life at such a young age where nobody knows how to really help you is beyond difficult. He had to grow up like overnight, at 19 he became “pack dad” as he watched all these children around him go through what he did, but he didn’t want it for them either. And then to make matters worse, he imprinted on his girlfriend’s fuckin cousin. He loved Leah, and he still did after Emily. It was out of his control and it tore him up. It’s a shitty fuckin situation and I feel so so bad. 

Jared: Everyone thinks Jared is just such a smartass. I mean, he definitely was, it was well within his character. However, I think he has a lot more substance than that. He’s unwaveringly loyal. I think he values his relationships of all types more than anything. I just, I think this goes over a lot of peoples’ heads. He’s got a lot of love to give, I swear it. He may be a snarky boy, but he’d definitely do anything for the people he loves. I wish we got to see more of that, he is a character with a lot of substance. 

Paul: Don’t even get me started. Hothead. Hahahahaha, his only personality trait is that he has anger issues, so funny! Let’s be real here, he comes from a broken family at a young age. He doesn’t have a mother in his life and that is something that causes a lot of issues! Not to mention that being a teenager is hard in itself, your body is changing and things are weird. Now let’s take into consideration that these are no longer normal hormones, his body is basically changing overnight to let him transform into an enormous wolf that has to dedicate his life to killing vampires posing a threat to him, his friends, and family. Everyone on the reservation, even. Forks, too. He had to sacrifice his entire life to do this, and he wasn’t exactly even-tempered to start with, and it’s known this change totally ups your irritability, hell it even made Jacob angry. Let’s be real, his anger issues are something to be considered other than “oooh angry hot boi 😈” jeez 

Embry: Embry, bb boi Embry. I love his character so much. I think the whole thing about Embry is like haha Embry’s so funny and goofy but in reality the kid struggles a lot. He’s constantly fighting with his mom because he for whatever reason can’t tell her about the pack or anything. He’s grounded “until forever” and always feels like he’s disappointing his mom even though he’s really just doing his best but like in reality he’s always in trouble or “grounded indefinitely.” The transformation put a huge strain on their relationship. Now, on top of that, he knows now that one of his friends might be his half fuckin brother because he literally doesn’t even know who his father is because his mom won’t tell him. So he’s got not only daddy issues, now he’s getting some mommy issues. This kid has a lot going on and I’m sure he’s struggling more than he leads on. 

Jacob: Jacob. The sunshine. I will be talking about angel boy Jacob in New Moon. I hate that he’s only seen to be in love with Bella. I would rather see it as him being loyal, supportive, and selfless. He would’ve done anything to put a smile on her face, he was caring. Jacob would’ve done anything for his friends, it was so beautiful. He was described to be the sunshine, he was full of love. No matter how down he was, he was always there to be the shoulder to cry on, no matter how much he needed one. I love this Jacob, I just want to give him a hug and tell him that everything will be okay. 

Quil: Oh Quil, my boy Quil. I feel like everyone just thinks he’s kinda a dumbass for some reason. Like we don’t see much of him in the movies but I truly think Quil is actually super intelligent. I think he has more depth than he’s ever given credit for. Like when he told Bella that he was afraid to be next to be recruited to Sam’s “gang.” He knew he was next, he’s intuitive. I just wish more people saw Quil to be what he is, not just Jacob’s goofy friend. Well, he is Jake’s goofy friend but he’s a smart guy! I think he’s lowkey super intelligent. 

Leah: She’s known to be a bitter bitch. I can’t stand this and honestly I think she’s one of the most caring people in the series. I don’t care that she gave Bella the cold shoulder, in-fact I give her props. The love of her life left her for her cousin, now she has to share thoughts with him and the guys who give her shit for her feelings. I don’t blame her for being so displeased all the time. Like she keeps getting the shit end of the stick the entire series, it sucks. She tries to protect Jacob, but he hates her for it even though she’s right. She then has to protect Seth, because she loves him more than anything. Her father died and she had to deal with not only that but then her mother dating Bella’s fuckin father, Charlie, making Bella her damn step sister. Shit’s whack and I’m so sick of hearing people say that Leah was a bitch. 

Seth: Baby boy Seth, everyone’s favorite little ball of sunshine. I have an issue with the fact that Seth will always be portrayed to be perfectly bubbly, happy, and sweet. Sometimes, I just want to see him react to something. I feel so bad about his father passing, We only see him react minimally when it comes to Bella and the demon baby. I just would like to see an angry or frustrated side of Seth, a side that doesn’t forgive everyone for everything so quickly. I know deep down he probably struggles listening to everyone rag on his sister in the mind link. It’s probably conflicting to take orders from the man who broke your sister’s heart. I love that Seth is the nice, innocent boy but I know this kid faces inner turmoil. I just wish we got to see more of it.  

[tsrookie]

Now, and Forevermore: Part 2

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Alyssa Brooks)

A/N: Super nervous about this one, because I’ve wanted to write an ILY fic for such a long time, but it always got pushed back thanks to PB and their stupid inconsistencies. May or may not have included a teeny tiny Merder reference.

Trope: Fluff

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 1.5k

Warning(s): One innuendo, that’s it

Link to Part 1

——————————

Loud music blared through the speakers. Few guests remained in their seats, choosing to watch the joyous celebrations on the dance floor.

A wedding was an event where people came together to rejoice the union of two souls. Two separate lives, binding together for life. They came together to celebrate friendship, eternal partnership, and love.

Alyssa was still figuring out a way to confess hers.

She stumbled to the side of the crowded hall along with Sienna, who was equally exhausted from dancing the night away.

“Oh my god I think the last time I danced this much was at our housewarming party two years ago.”

Her best friend let out a chuckle. “I remember. Jackie even managed to knock over a plate of fries which ended up on your hair.”

She took a sip of her drink before continuing, “Speaking of the housewarming party, where’s the only person from the hospital who declined our invitation? Haven’t seen him since your dance, which was almost an hour ago.”

“He’s probably over at one of the balconies, away from all the noise.”

“Hmm.”

Sienna let out a sigh before fixing her eyes on the newlyweds, happy in their own little bubble, without a single worry.

“They look so… content. Like they have everything they’ll ever need right there in each other’s arms.”

“Yeah… I guess you feel that way when you’re head over heels in love with someone, and by some miracle, they feel the same.”

She looked over at Alyssa, who had a soft smile on her face. Her best friend had found the kind of true love she had always dreamed of, and she only hoped that it would last forever.

“Have you two said it yet?”

“Said what?”

“You know what I mean. Eight letters. Three special words. Words you two have been skirting around for almost a year now.”

“I…” She looked down, a pensive look taking over. “I don’t know Si… it never feels like we have a proper moment to say it. Everyday at Edenbrook feels like an unpredictable circus where something could go wrong at any minute. Finding time to just… be with each other without worrying about work seems impossible. Besides, he knows how I feel about him, and same here. There’s no rush.”

“No. Don’t do that. Don’t always rely on your actions. Sometimes, words are better. Saying it makes it sure. It makes it feel real. Or else, you’ll be out of time before you know it. Say it out loud, Alyssa. Don’t waste time waiting for some perfect moment, because chances are, you might never get one.”

Alyssa held her hand tight, and took a moment to take in the gravity of her words. Sienna might’ve been ready to move on, but Danny was still someone she missed everyday.

“Okay.” She turned to face her. “I’ll tell him tonight. I promise.”

Sienna nodded her head in response, a small smile of satisfaction assuming her features.

—————

Ethan stood over by the railing, enjoying the feel of the sea breeze ruffling through his hair. The ocean glittered like diamonds, mirroring the starry sky. It was a magical sight, and he decided to go back into the raging party to bring Alyssa to enjoy the view with him. Although, he wasn’t sure his eyes would remain straight ahead with an actual goddess beside him.

“Thought I might find you here.”

His ears perked up. “I was just about to come and find you.”

“Well I found you first. Didn’t see you having any cake earlier, so I brought you some.”

He nodded in thanks. As she stood beside him, she looked positively ethereal. Her eyes sparkled as she took in the sight of the moonlit ocean, and her brunette hair danced along her bare shoulders.

Ethan didn’t have the words to describe her beauty, so he refrained to simply admiring her while he still had the time.

Her soft voice broke the comfortable silence they were in. “It’s beautiful out here. Kind of reminds me of the last time we were on a balcony facing the sea.”

He smiled ruefully. “You mean the night I threw every single rule I had for myself out the window and kissed you like my life depended on it, before leaving you the very same night to go sleep on the couch?”

“The very same. The only night where I had the best first kiss I could share with someone, and get dumped before we even got together.”

Ethan felt a pang of guilt in his chest upon hearing her words. He might have her now, but he would always regret the time he let go to waste.

Alyssa looked over at him, and his expression made her squeeze her eyes shut and smack her forehead. “Oh god I ruined the moment, didn’t I?” She took his hand in hers and said, “I’m so sorry. I’m under the influence of alcohol, so you know that I barely think before I blurt something out.”

“And here I was hoping we could have a proper conversation for the first time in months. Of course, I shouldn’t have had my expectations so high.”

She punched his shoulder playfully, and he took it as an opportunity to pull her closer. Closing his eyes, he breathed in her hair, which smelled of his shampoo from their shared suite. Ethan felt utterly content, having everything he ever needed and wanted in his arms, and wished he could stay rooted to the same spot for as long as he lived.

“Okay, Dr. Ethan ‘I would rather spend my time alone, in a party where his girlfriend’s having the time of her life, wishing her boyfriend would be there with her so that they could spend some quality time together’ Ramsey.”

“That’s… I think I preferred ‘freaking’ as my middle name compared to everything you just said.”

Soon, they were both laughing. She turned around to face him, and Ethan held her tighter. Taking in her face filled with happiness, illuminated by the light of the moon, he knew he had to say it.

“Is… everything okay?”

“I…” His throat closed up, at a loss for words. Saying the words he had longed to tell her for almost a year suddenly seemed impossible. After fearing true, long-lasting commitment for more than twenty five years, cementing his love for Alyssa scared him almost as much as the thought of ever losing her.

But looking into her concerned eyes, the eyes he could get lost into within the span of a second, he knew she deserved to hear it. She deserved the whole world, and so much more.

“It’s funny. I kept quiet all these months, not telling you what I should’ve told you the moment you were out of harm’s way after the attack, waiting for a perfect moment to present itself. When all along… I never realised that I didn’t need such a moment at all.”

He cupped her cheek, as she stared at him with wonder, yet a small smile dancing on her lips with the knowledge of what was to come. “Every single day, every minute, every second by your side, could not be more perfect. And I’m sorry that I didn’t know it sooner.”

“I love you, Alyssa Brooks. With all my heart, body and soul.”, he said as he brought her hand up to his thundering heart. “I believed love to be a lost and foreign concept, one which I would never be able to experience. But with you… I’d be an idiot to say that what I feel for you is anything but love. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love anyone as much as I love you and frankly, I don’t ever want to. I want to love you for the rest of my life. If you’ll let me, that is…”

Hopeful and earnest cerulean eyes stared back into awestruck shining brown, awaiting the response he desperately wanted to hear.

“Well… took you long enough.”, she teased, eyes sparkling with mirth. “I love you too, Ethan. More than you’ll ever know. And I want to love you for the rest of my life too.”

Matching her grin with one of his own, Ethan kissed her deeply. She wrapped her arms round his neck and let her fingers tangle into his soft hair. He continued to kiss her with fervour, but she pulled away, panting.

“Don’t you think we should probably take this inside? I’d definitely like a more private celebration of us finally coming to our senses.”

“Are you sure? There’s still much left at the reception, including the bouquet toss, which I’m not sure Sienna would be okay with if you missed.”

She chuckled. “Considering the fact that she was the one who sent me out here to find you, I don’t think she’ll mind.” With a sudden surge of confidence, she added, “Besides… do you really think I should stay for that?”

Ethan held Alyssa’s gaze, which was both bold and bashful at the same time. He finally smirked and said, “No, you don’t have to.”

Her face broke into the smile he loved to see. A smile unburdened of all the worries in the world. A true and rare smile he thanked for being able to witness.

“Then let’s get out of here.”

Alyssa took his hand and led him back to their room, but truthfully, he felt her lead him into a new life that would have its highs and lows, all filled with unconditional love.

He couldn’t wait to see what came next.

——————————

Link to Bonus Ending

A/N 2: Hope you guys liked it! There’s a small bonus ending I’ll be releasing soon, cause if my babies are happy, my babies’ number one shipper deserves to be happy too😌 Thank you so much for reading💙

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[juiceastronaut]

Okay so. I watched Q-force. And I have no idea what I think about it.

Imma just be rambling so I'll break down the characters and my likes/dislikes about them before giving my plot breakdown at the end. Only the main/prominent ones because I don't have time.

Steve Maryweather-Easily the best character out of them, with Deb being a close second. He could've very easily fallen into the trope of being someone who was incompetent but expected the world anyway, but he doesn't. He graduated top of his class, and despite his quirks is a genuinely competent team leader, and wants the best for his team. He wants to prove that he and his team are competent enough to get recognition, and has a genuine faith in the people around him. It was refreshing to see him hold his team in a genuine high regard, where a lot of times it's like "We're shit but lets do this thing now" He's a genuinely well-rounded character, and (and forgive me if this isn't the best way to frame this) it feels like being gay is an important part of his character, without encompassing the whole thing. I thought Benji and his relationship was super cute and I was sad when they broke up. I was afraid he was going to be, like a second but worse Twink with the stereotyping but gladly fell away from that.

Deb-I thought her and her wife were super cute (though I hate how the wife is designed ngl adjafkldajfd). I liked Debs character, but I feel like she had a lot of racial stereotyping that wouldn't be inherently obvious unless you were looking for them, her being the strong one, and also the "mama" type at the same time. No one treated her with disrespect, and her lesbianism seemed to be more authentic but I feel like there wasn't a lot of thought put into what these tropes were and why they were bad. Her being black and making her the mama type, as well as the big strong type could be read as tasteless. Again, I really liked her character but these were some things I noticed while watching.

Twink- You know, I didn't really like him at first, I thought he was the epitome of all the bad stereotyping (though I'm just glad him and Mary didn't get put into the same category). His humor isn't my taste, and it just kinda seemed like someone for half of his lines went "what twitter stan language can we put in here?" And sometimes it was a bit too random for my tastes. However! I do like that his drag was considered important and was an integral part to a lot of missions they went on, and not just "Ah look at that dumb gay trying to find reasons to dress in drag." His talents and expertise were both respected and, save for Buck (which his whole point was supposed to be offensive anyway) no one undermined Twink for his femininity. His back story is also kinda random but did play a role in the missions as well. Still, personally think he's the worst character. Plus, he's French so minus four-twenties amount of points.

Stat-You know, in a show where everyone was stating what letter they were every few seconds I was surprised that I had to look up that Stat was trans. I...liked her character for the most part, except the part where she was fucking a robot. Kinda weird ngl, outta left field, and with her being trans I wonder if her having that sort of relationship is problematic for her. Love her design tho, love me a hacker girl. She's also listed as "ambiguously gay" tho showed to have mostly girl love interests but, okay.

Buck-He's the straight guy, emotionally repressed haha and he's bigoted. Did think it was funny later on when he was more "accepting" but managed to be even more infuriating about it. Tied with Twink as worse character but you know they tried to do stuff with him.

Vee-Really liked me a boss lady, but kinda weird how they bait-and-switched us with her actually being a lesbian, then go "no she's straight tho" in regards to Karen. I thought her and Mary's relationship was cute, wish I saw more of it. But she did feel like a random plot device in later seasons, what with her disappearing and reappearing when it was plot relevant. (Tho she HOTOHOTHOTHOT bikini episode WOOOWEEEE)

....

Okay, so now the plot....which. it had one?

It felt like it was flip flopping back n forth about whether it wanted to take itself seriously or not, and it seemed to decide on serious more towards the end, but then it would have this random plot element that would be so out of left field it would pull me out of my suspension of disbelief. See the whole "Back cracking to unlock memories" plot point. This back and forth on whether it would be a comedy or not I think weakened both categories it tried to play into.

If I had to compare the show to anything it would probably be Futurama, but the thing with Futurma is, its set in the future, so you're suspension of disbelief is allowed to stretch a bit more because all the wacky quirky stuff can be attributed to future shenanigans. Q-force, to my knowledge, is set in the modern day, which makes the wacky stuff that much wacker, because it's set in our modern times, which you apply the rules of everyday life to.

A lot of the problems that I had with Q-Force is, in the attempt to write specifically about the "gay experience" revealed that the writers have really only had a very specific experience of interacting with gay ppl, what I call the "Urban Gay" experience.

The fact they're in West Hollywood, and all the things that were listed as "universal gay experiences" but were only things that you'd be exposed to if you were in the city. I think a flavor of "white gay" can be implemented here too, which Q force has exactly one black woman, who manages to be the only lesbian.

That coupled with the fact that, there's a difference between having Twink naturally being a drag queen, the whole team being gay to some degree, and the fact they interact with the gay community often without Drawing Attention to all of those things and self-congratulating itself on concluding it. Funnily enough, Q-Force had examples of doing this right and doing this right. Right way: In the second or third episode where Mary found that guy with the flash drive to the uranium in it and seduced him in the gay bar. Relevant that it was gay without overtly drawing attention to it. Wrong-Way: Having Pride go on while Girl Boss was trying to take over the world.

And, for the show that promoted itself as representing the gay experience, there were...two gay men, one lesbian, one trans person, one straight guy and...no bisexual people. Also no nonbinary people. Like of course it's unrealistic to include every single identity but you're one bisexual person who appeared for one episode and was promptly blown up. And also showed to be...more off than the other characters, what with the stealing of silverware and all. Just, bisexual people are already forgotten enough as it is and not including them in the show, but you include two gay men just kinda reads as tasteless to me (as a bisexual person, obviously).

Which makes it so weird that Stat was left "ambiguously gay" when she could've easily been bisexual (which still would be problematic because of the robot-fucking but at least you got the B in there somewhere in the main group)

Overall, it tried to market itself as the "be all end all" of what it was like to be gay, but ended up excluding the exact people that get excluded in real-life lgbt spaces. This combined with the indecision with what kind of show it wanted to be managed to make it fall short. If you arent the very specific type of gay person who lives in a city environment and doesn't fit the stereotypes showed you're not going to feel "seen" by the show.

Weirdly though, I didn't hate watching it, and I would probably watch another season if they managed to make one. The parts that did work, I think worked really well, and even the bad parts just read as tasteless, and not actively terrible. If they focused less on making "hey I'm gay" jokes every three seconds and just let each character be what they are I think the show would be stronger for it. And I think they'd find less problems overall if they did that too. In the mean time I'll just be here side-eyeing the whole thing.

Edit: I forgot to mention, and this is a problem a lot of adult TV shows fall into, that because they got the clear to show nudity/sex they felt like they *had* to show nudity and to a lesser extent sex every episode. So just that whole "Haha adult=sex obviously."

Oh! And this generally goes for the whole "shove it in your face" part, but a lot of the characters who are bigoted were shown to be. Very blatantly so. And not to say there isn't blatantly bigoted ppl of course they are but I don't think that's where you see a lot of bigotry nowadays. This was sort of touched on during the show but more of a jokey manner, but I think it would've been more realistic if we had more "girl with a gay best friend" kinda bigotry as opposed to the "I'm literally hurling slurs at you" bigotry, especially since they're in Cali.

[belle-keys]

I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

[unforth]

Hello unforth! Thank you for your wonderful blog, and the the untamed art blog!! I followed you years ago for destiel, and you were one of the people that got me into the untamed. I watched it last summer and have been binging various cdramas ever since!! I had a question for you about reading. After watching the untamed I read the novel, and didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I think you’re someone who prefers the show, but if not, sorry if I’m remembering wrong… hoping you understand. I want to try reading other novels but I found the romance in mdzs to be kinda off. I guess I’m wondering if you have a recommendation for the best novel you’ve read so far? It would be great if it’s one with fanfic but if not I’m still curious to try! I hope this didn’t come off as rude about the untamed, it’s just a personal preference. Thanks in advance, and thanks again for all your work in fandom!

Howdy! *waves*

You have not misremembered, I definitely prefer the Untamed to the novel of MDZS (and I'm with you, no shade on people with different preferences, of course!). I also didn't enjoy the novel of MDZS as much as I thought I would, though I think some of that was because I read the Exiled Rebels Scanalations translation which - again, no shade, translating that was a HUGE job and kudos to them - but I do here from native speakers that some questionable translation choices were made, which can detract from some people's enjoyment of the novel (and can enhance other people's, it just depends how those translation choices relate to each person's personal likes and dislikes).

Now, I can tell you what I've read and what I've thought of each one, happily - I don't know what turned you off about MDZS specifically, beyond an aspect of the relationship dynamic, so it'll be hard for me to say which of these might appeal to you more? But, here's a list of which danmei novels I've read, and my opinion. The list is shorter than you'd think - danmei novels are long and I read slow, lol.

Note that all of these end happy, for various definitions of "happy," and the main ship is canon in all of them. Also note that I tried to avoid spoilers, but sometimes it's hard to even talk about the ship dynamic without some mild spoilers.

These are (roughly) in the order I've read them; I just finished the last a few days ago. All art is by the official artists, but I'm not always sure what their names are, sorry - I've tried to figure them out for my art blogs but it's REALLY hard.

1. Mo Dao Zu Shi, by MXTX.

(since I'm writing this post for you, and you're already familiar with it, I'm not putting in TW and plot)

My take: I figure knowing my opinion of MDZS will help you assess all this? There are things I loved about MDZS, including the book, but MDZS is still obviously trying to figure out pacing. Whereas in SVSSS, the storyline doesn't always flow that smoothly and the ending is rushed, in MDZS in my opinion the biggest issue is that she clearly didn't plan some things ahead. For example, Miangmian and Wen Ning are both introduced within a few pages of when they'll be needed to Do Shit. It shows that she hadn't quite worked everything out as she was going, and every once in a while was like, "shit shit I need a character for this thing" and hastily added them. The plot itself is better paced, though, though I could have wished for a less talky denouement. When it was the only one I read, I also often thought, "this author doesn't understand consent," and, "this author has kinks I don't share." Now that I've read all three of her books, I completely retract the first one. MXTX absolutely understands consent, and was intentionally playing with it in MDZS. Not sure if the evidence of that got lost in translation, or what, but...yeah.

Relationship Dynamic: ...the second of those opinions, I still kinda feel. The consensual non-con is just not really my thing, like I'm okay with it in small doses? And I don't love some aspects of Lan Wangji's domineering attitudes and Wei Wuxian's act of bare tolerating it. And don't get me wrong, now that I'm more familiar with her work, I think it was an intentional writing choice and I also think they're both largely roleplaying it a lot of the time...but I still don't personally enjoy it much.

2. Scum Villain Self-Saving System, by MXTX.

Genre: modern transmigration into a fantasy xianxia world.

Where to find it: English translation by BC Novels | donghua season 1

Trigger warnings for: graphic descriptions of suffering, non-con of the "fuck or die" variety, and body horror...I can't think of anything else rn?)

Plot: SVSSS is MXTX's first novel, and is a satire of classic stag harem novels. Shen Yuan, the protagonist and half the main ship, is reading a serialized web novel by "Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky" about a demon named Luo Binghe who has a harem of over 3,000 women and has done all kinds of ghastly awful things. He hates this novel but has read all, like, 3 million words of it or something, and trolls every chapter...until one gets him so angry that he dies...and then he wakes up in the book right around when the book starts, in the body of one of the early antagonists, a cultivator named Shen Qingqiu who abuses a young, innocent Luo Binghe physically and emotionally and, ultimately, is horribly tortured to death. Shen Yuan, in Shen Qingqiu's body, thus sets out to not be horribly tortured to death by Luo Binghe. Hijinks ensue.

My Take: In terms of my opinion of it...SVSSS secured for me that MXTX is a much more brilliant author than I thought when I'd only read MDZS. She understands tropes and subverts them brilliantly throughout the story, and from a writing standpoint, I was impressed with her. However, from a plot standpoint...she's got all the ideas but hasn't, imo, yet figured out how exactly to bring them all together. The pacing is off at times, and the ending felt abrupt to me. It's also the only danmei I've read where I ship a side ship more than the primary one (which is, of course, Shen Yuan (as Shen Qingqiu)/Luo Binghe. (also, oops...I read SVSSS after TGCF and just put them in the wrong order, oh well, not gonna change it now.)

Relationship Dynamic: In terms of relationship weirdness...it's hard to sort in that regard, because, like, it's supposed to be weird? I think it's a really interest book but I'm not sure I'd recommend it in your situation. Bingqiu's main dynamic is...uh...tolerance and obsession? They're kinda hard to describe. Shen Yuan often seems like he's just kinda putting up with Luo Binghe, whereas Luo Binghe is...god. So hard to describe, lmao. He's a big clumsy ox in a museum full of porcelain dishes and he really, really loves his Shizun. (also note that Shen Qingqiu is Luo Binghe's teacher. They don't get together until after they're not master/student, but if that's not your thing, another reason to avoid.)

3. Tian Guan Ci Fu, by MXTX.

(art is by Starember)

Genre: historical China (loosely), xianxia (note that I'm still figuring out exactly how stuff gets classified so sorry if I get one wrong, but I think I kinda get it???)

Where to Access It: English Translation by the astonishing yummysuika | manhua (this is an official translation by Bilibili! It's a few chapters behind the actual release, but still...) | donghua season 1 is on Netflix | a live action adaptation is juuuuust getting started on script reading and filing

Trigger warnings for: MCD, temporary MCD, body horror, graphic violence, epic levels of mind fuckery, uh...genocide?...again, racism/colorism, probably other stuff, sorry, I can't take as long as I'd like to for this post so I'm not being as thorough as I oughta be.

Plot: TGCF is about Xie Lian, an 800 year old man, and it commences at the moment when, unexpectedly, he ascends to godhood...for the third time. Unfortunately, when he ascends, he accidentally does some damage in Heaven, and he has to repay that, so he gets sent back to earth to deal with a ghost who's been causing some problems. Hijinks ensue...and then fucktons of angst ensue...then more hijinks...then more angst...and basically it broke my heart like four times and I am grateful for it every day? The main ship is Xie Lian and a ghost named Hua Cheng, but it's hard to even talk about without some spoilers because of some identity shenanigans. (they're VERY mildly identity shenanigans, but still).

My Take: So, you asked what my favorite of the danmei novels I've read is? It's TGCF. TGCF is one of my favorite novels ever, and it has a growing fandom, a donghua that's on Netflix, and a live action that's just starting to film. TGCF is the culmination of the skills MXTX developed through her first two works, imo. She clearly plotted it out all from the start, and while Book 1 especially often seems kind of random - lots of elements are introduced and then kinda...apparently...forgotten? And never explained? But she actually DOES bring it ALL together and it's flat-out masterful. I'm a big fan, obviously.

Relationship Dynamic: it again depends on your preferences and what you didn't like about MDZS, and there's no way to talk about it without spoilers, so consider yourselves warned. Xie Lian ascended to godhood first at the age of 17, and right around then he also saved the life of a 10 year old boy...and that boy is Hua Cheng. Hua Cheng is a follower of Xie Lian's, in that Xie Lian is literally a god, and Hua Cheng is literally one of his followers. However, they're separated for almost 800 years, so the age difference is largely irrelevant, and while some people complain about Hua Cheng's behavior being stalkery and obsessive, I honestly think they're dead wrong. It's more like when you read a celebrity/fan AU, and it starts weird, and then they really genuinely fall in love. Like, the fan may have been in love the whole time, and how they felt about the celebrity before they really met might feel slightly ooky, but it's how they act AFTER they meet their idol that matters more, and...yeah, Hua Cheng is great, they're both great, antis fight me. Xie Lian is easily one of my favorite characters EVER, he is all my favorite tropes in one horribly, wonderfully fucked up martyristic idealistic sweet kind laid back package. I would kill for him, lmao. In terms of their relationship dynamic...they love and respect each other? There's really nothing that weird about it other than the aspects of the "fan" Hua Cheng that get revealed over time - and he's always terrified that when Xie Lian realizes what a fanboy he was, Xie Lian will be upset or disgusted, but of course Xie Lian never is. They adore each other. It's glorious. Highly recommend. :D There's also no explicit content in TGCF (unlike MXTX's other two books).

4. The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (aka 2ha) by Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat.

Genre: original world, xianxia, time travel, dimension hopping, it's so many things, 2ha is so hard to describe lmao

Where to Access it: English Translation by the amazing yummysuika (things are complicated, though, and it's not finished) | a manhua is in the works and should be out this year | a live action called "Hao Yixing" or "Immortality" is already filmed and could theoretically air literally any time cause it's completely ready, but when will it actually come? Who knows!

Trigger warnings: all of them. Literally. MCD, temporary MCD, murder, suicide, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, rape/non-con, abuse, manipulation, gas lighting, torture, graphic violence, body horror, literal graphic onscreen horrible blood murder of a small child (I had to skip that chapter), teacher/student relationship sort of but not exactly, probably other stuff, this book is dark as fuck, and a lot of these tags apply to behavior of one half of the main ship toward the other, but...it's complicated, and there are reasons things happen, and those reasons aren't "well they're just a bad person."

Plot: This is another one that's hard to describe because there's sooooo much mind fuckery going on, but I'll try. 2ha is about Mo Ran, who rises to be the Emperor of the World, Taxian Jun, but slaughtering all who oppose him...and who is so miserable that he commits suicide, only to wake up in his 16 year old body. This is pretty much perfect from Mo Ran's point of view, because he's gone back so far that the love of his life, his fellow disciple Shi Mei, is still alive. He has a chance to fix everything that went wrong, starting with preventing his awful evil Shizun, Chu Wanning, from letting Shi Mei die.

Spoilers: the main ship in this book is Mo Ran/Chu Wanning.

Hijinks do NOT ensue. There are no hijinks in 2ha. It is all pain all the time (but I swear it ends happy).

My Take: ...well, from a structural standpoint there are some pacing issues. The book is incredibly long (over 300 chapters, over 1 million words) and there are definitely some chunks that could just be excised and it'd still be fine. However, other than that, it's pretty amazing and absolutely masterful how it's plotted. As a reader you'll spend 100+ chapters thinking you know what's going on, and who the good guys are, and who the bad guys are, and how they relate to each other...and then Meatbun starts in on revealing what's ACTUALLY going on and she then spends 200 chapters repeatedly punching you in the face! Like, I went in knowing a LOT of spoilers, because the tags were so dark that I felt that for my mental health it was important I have a general idea what was going on, and I STILL ended up sobbing my eyes out (and I am NOT an easy crier and don't usually cry at books) over something I knew was coming.

Relationship Dynamic: That's about the only thing that the title accurately conveys about this book. "The Husky and His White Cat Shizun," sounds so soft and fluffy, right? That's how they get you, ha. But, Mo Ran is absolutely a big dumb husky who wants to do the right thing (well, sometimes he does) but just completely fails depressingly often. When he sees someone he likes come in the front door he WILL jump all over them and bark in their face as his way of trying to communicate affection. And Chu Wanning is equally absolutely a cat. He is emotionally constipated, poor at expressing himself, uptight, touch starved, desperate for affection, and so lonely my chest hurts when I think about him. And for how they relate to each other...well, picture that big dog greeting a loved one at the door...except that loved one is the most hide-bound proud white cat you can imagine.

That's their dynamic.

(However, also...there are multiple timelines at play, and Taxian Jun does some truly awful things to "his" Chu Wanning in the original timeline, and many of these things are graphically described, and while it's ultimately all explained, it still all HAPPENS, so if you're going to have trouble reading fucktons of abuse between the main ship, I would not recommend this book)

5. Thousand Autumns (Qianqiu) by Meng Xi Shi.

Genre: historical China (like, references actual people, as far as I can tell), xianxia

Where to Access it: ...reading Thousand Autumns is HARD, it's split over like four websites/translators. This Carrd can kinda help? I can get you the rest if you want | donghua season 1 | I heard there's a live action in the works? But I don't know more than that.

Trigger warnings: graphic violence, mentions/threats of sexual violence (but it's all stopped before things really go wrong), starvation, description of child death (from starvation), near-death, emotional/mental abuse, major semi-permanent character injury, god, minor character death, they're major characters depending on your pov, I can't actually think of others, after writing about 2ha it feels positively fluffy). Note that there's not really any explicit content, just implications of smut, and not til basically the very end and extras.

Plot: Yan Wushi, sect leader of a demonic sect, has just come out of an extended seclusion to improve his cultivation when he and one of his disciples come across a man who is wounded to the point of near death. This turns out to be Shen Qiao, the sect leader of Mount Xuandu. When Shen Qiao awakens from his wounds, he's lost his memory, AND he's blind, and Yan Wushi decides it would be great fun and an excellent use of his time to fuck with Shen Qiao by trying to turn him evil - because Yan Wushi is certain that ALL people are inherently evil, and shattering Shen Qiao's veneer of righteousness will just help prove that.

Spoilers: it's not a veneer.

Not spoilers: Not many hijinks ensue, but there are a few hijinks, and even when it's not hijinxed, it's still not that painful...usually.

My Take: despite that synopsis, a lot of the plot of Thousand Autumns is actually political, and I like political plots, so I liked that aspect of it. However, it has some serious pacing issues imo, and it's also hard to read in English atm because it's not fully translated; it's close, now, much closer than when I read it a few months ago, so it'll be easier to read soon. Or maybe I shouldn't say it's pacing problems, but rather, it's more of a sequence of multiple major plots, strung together, with the growing relationship between Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao playing out in the background. I think if I'd known there was no "one big plot" that would have actually helped me, because it kept feeling like, "Oh, THIS is the main thing," but it never was. Things would feel climactic...except then there'd be more. So it's probably better to actually think of it as more...episodic? And the episodes/stories build, and interrelate, and do have a culmination, but not all of them directly tie in, and not all the threads end up coming together/getting resolved.

Relationship Dynamic: early on, Yan Wushi is definitely abusive and manipulative, intentionally so, and I would argue that, imo, Shen Qiao falls for it. However, mid-way through, there's some big reveals, and after that when they're reunited Shen Qiao no longer takes any shit and Yan Wushi continues to act like he doesn't care even when he clearly does. They're not a typical ship in ANY WAY, and I'd say their relationship is more founded on mutual respect than on love. Indeed, in the author's notes at one point MXS actually says they doesn't see them as the kind of couple to ever exchange love declarations, and I thought that was really interesting and it really helped me to understand how they worked together because I'll own I struggled with at times. Yan Wushi is self-interested, often cruel, and ethically and morally dubious. Shen Qiao, on the other hand, could probably ascend to Daoist godhood, he's so pure. Yet...they DO work. I'd say "opposites attract" but that's ALSO not their main trope, not exactly. They're a VERY hard ship to explain, and I know some people who've read the whole book and still don't really...get them...and I've had to really think about them to wrap my head around them...but the more I've thought about them, the more I like them.

6. Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by Man Man He Qi Duo.

Genre: historical fiction set in either actual China or make-believe China, I'm not sure if this is directly incorporated any real people

Where to Access It: English Translation by Perpetual Daydreams | manhua (untranslated, I'm not sure if there's anyone translating it into English) | I think there's a live action in the works? Not sure beyond that though.

Trigger Warnings: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation, drug addiction, drug abuse, chronic illness (different character than the drugs), manipulation, abusive, awful parents and parental figures (not all, but definitely some), some homophobia (but way less than there could have been), probably other stuff

Plot: After 7 years away, Zhong Wan returns to the capital of the Empire with the three children of his benefactor, the seven-years-dead Prince Ning. Prince Ning was executed for treason against the previous Emperor, and Zhong Wan has done all he can to protect and raise the three kids, but he's got a lot of worries about returning to the capital and what could happen to his charges if they get pulled into the politics surrounded the Emperor. But, even worse, he's got even more worries about being reunited with Yu She, nephew of the Emperor, with whom he has more than a little history...and about whom he has been lying for the past 7 years, claiming that he is Yu She's lover, in a bid to help use Yu She's reputation to protect Prince Ning's children.

Hijinks ensue.

And so does a political nightmare.

My Take: TYQHM was a hard book to get into because there are just so many characters and it's all about politics - this is NOT a xianxia or wuxia novel, and these characters are NOT cultivators. There's basically nothing supernatural in the whole book; instead, it's about Zhong Wan and Yu She figuring out their own histories, and accepting each other, while trying to survive in a political world that increasingly wants both of them dead. However, I adore political plots, and when all was said and done I really enjoyed it, and I'm trying tooth and nail to claw other people into the fandom with me, so far with basically no success. It only has like 15 works in English on AO3. And so not only does it not fit that requirement of yours...

Relationship Dynamic: ...I think you would also probably not like the relationship dynamic? Zhong Wan is a bit like Wei Wuxian-as-Mo Xuanyu, except more...genuinely? Like, it's his actual personality, not an act, in quite the same way. I don't mean the "flamboyantly gay" part...usually...he definitely has his moments...but he's just...like, he's been through so much that he'll basically say anything, and drag himself entirely through the mud, to distract people who might hurt the three kids (they're like 16, 13, 13, now I think? It was never THAT clear to me, tbh...certainly, all are at least 10...) and, later, Yu She. He has zero face, and doesn't mind having negative face when he feels the situation demands it...and Yu She, on the other hand, has MAJOR depression issues, is sure he deserves nothing, and mostly wants to destroy everyone around him and then kill himself, at least until Zhong Wan starts giving him a reason to live again. But, more than that...Zhong Wan is like the fucking epitome of a bratty subby bottom. He wants to get fucked SO bad. And Yu She is an incredibly reluctant dom, hilariously so at times, uncomfortably/manipulative so at others. When all was said and done, I was pretty fond of them both, but there were definitely moments that made me grimace, and given what you say of how you felt about MDZS, I think this one is less likely to be to your taste?

Bonus 7: Guardian by Priest. I never finished the novel version of Guardian because the translation had some issues that caused me not to enjoy it, so I won't get into it too much, but again, Guardian is a very different book than any of the others, because it's modern fantasy(ish, like, it's still deeply embedded in Daoist-related tropes but it's more "magic spells" and less "cultivation." Like, in terms of what it's like, it felt more like Japanese modern Onmyoji style stories, to me, than it felt like the ancient Chinese wuxia/xianxia cultivation stories.). I'm not gonna get into lots of details, because I read part of the book more than a year ago, and have seen the show (which is VERY different) like three times, so I can hardly even remember what they're like in the novel. There was definitely some weirdness, though? If you're potentially interested, I'd suggest starting with the drama instead. The plot for that is...

Plot: Zhao Yunlan heads a Special Investigation Unit in the human world tasked with maintaining a treaty between humans and the dixigren ("undergrounders") who are (in the show) aliens (in the book...it's the world of the dead). While doing this job, he keeps running into this professor, Shen Wei, who definitely knows more than he oughta.

Hijinks ensue.

And then it murders you with feels.

The live action streams from YouTube - here.

(Warning: uh, I don't want to give spoilers, but my "guaranteed happy ending" does NOT apply to the Guardian TV show...but it does apply to the book, as I understand it.)

*

Anyway, this was a terrible use of my time but it was definitely more fun than what I should be doing, and it's probably way more information than you wanted or needed, but since I wasn't sure what exactly you had in mind, I figured...might as well be thorough?

(Today's hyper-focus fail: this post, ha...)

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

In My Dreams, We're Still Together

“Why is it so important to dream?” a faint voice of a woman asks.

“In my dreams, we're still together.”

-----------------------------------

Wanda opens her eyes.

She's... unsure, of where she is.

Like her synapses are splitting, her neurons are firing in all directions, and her mind is about to combust from tearing itself in half… It almost feels like… she’s glitching.

Just suddenly caught unawares, dropped into the middle of a simulation, or… a dream, with no idea whatsoever where she came from or how she got here.

She spots Geraldine, or Monica- her, that woman, that SWORD agent.

She's standing in front of her, pleading some case about how she understands, how she "knows" what Wanda was going through right now.

All Wanda could manage was a wry, sad, lonely, chuckle.

She feels tired. Like life has drained every fiber from her, and she’s just… a hollow, cracked, shell. No longer a live human teeming with breaths of air and purpose… if she was ever even such a thing to begin with, considering what Agatha revealed to her.

But “Understand?”

Understand???

Wanda may not completely comprehend where she is, or what was happening right now, but the losses she’s suffered through still feel as raw inside her as the days she lost every single one of her family.

And so, No.

No, Monica did not understand.

She just could not possibly, know, comprehend, understand, what Wanda was feeling right now.

Wanda felt so empty inside she sacrificed everything, her conscience, her soul, her family, everything.

For a vague copy, a shadow… of the living breathing feeling, loving, man she dreamed of sharing her life with.

She sacrificed everything.

For someone that didn’t even know who she was. Someone who didn’t trust her, believe her, and maybe even… feared her.

Someone who no longer saw her as she was… but as the villain.

Just like, everyone else.

And Wanda was fine with being the villain, people already feared her nevertheless, even when she fought for them. She made herself the villain to get her family back.

But, she still lost him anyways, all the same.

So Monica can stand there and go on and on about how she understands.

She understands nothing.

Wanda didn’t even understand her own pain, and anger, the vicious black hatred inside her that erupted after being ignored for so long. And, desperation.

The hatred for a universe that sought to take away everything and everyone Wanda dared to risk caring about.

The hatred and anger that would just immediately shield her fragile psyche everytime someone dared to pop her precious ideal dream bubble.

And the desperation. For a life of normalcy she had some semblance of in her childhood, but one she can never seem to have, no matter what she did.

Westview, her transformed version of it, was her dream.

It was her parents, her family TV nights, Pietro trying to change the show, Vis learning TV tropes and cheesy romance storyline gestures for the first time from her.

Them shyly, hesitantly (for good reason) wondering and secretly hoping for a future, but daring to still do so anyways despite of everything.

“I think Mom and Dad would’ve loved it.”

Those same nights of watching in awe of Mary Tyler Moore and her grace and beauty and charm. Wanda wishing she could be like her when she grew up, laughing at her and Dick’s shenanigans.

And looking back at Mama and Papa on the couch, from where she laid on the floor as near as they allowed her to be to the TV.

Wanda faintly remembers The Dick Van Dyke Show, Bewitched, The Brady Bunch, Malcolm in the Middle, and all the rest of them flashing through her mind, in the same vein as her and Vis’ dangerously hopeful conversations for a shared future.

Those fictional sitcoms of the past and foolish daydreams of the future, all brightly flashed, when her mind and her body finally broke, and everything she was, her sadness, her hopes, her past, and her future, came flooding out of her.

She thought of her parents when she made Westview.

“I think Mom and Dad would’ve loved it,” says the Pietro she wanted more than anything to be hers.

“Yeah, I think they would have,” Wanda replied like the man she was speaking to actually knew them.

Westview was, and still is, her dream.

It was her living the life she wanted with the man she wanted to live it with.

And her hate and anger for the universe depriving her of this dream, her desperation to do everything it took to keep it in her grasp; it all swirled inside her, dizzyingly blurring everything. Corrupting and permeating the inside of her mind, and thus, the world she created from her fingertips.

And Wanda couldn’t see past it anymore.

Her sight consisted of tunnel vision exclusively set on Westview, and Tommy and Billy, and Vis.

Anything else didn’t make sense.

Even if this world of Westview, this family she created on her own, even if they and it themselves were... broken.

It was all Wanda had left.

And so, Monica could never understand.

No one, could ever unders-

Not even-

"You?" Wanda bitterly spits out, “You… understand??” frustratingly in disbelief at this hero trying to talk her down.

Wanda can't help but laugh that sad lonely chuckle again.

"No one could possibly understand what I'm going through right now." Wanda states, affirming it as fact, irrefutable, undeniable, fact.

"The one person I thought-”

Suddenly flashes of Vis shouting at her begging her to put him out of his misery pop back up again in her mind.

“Not even the person I loved so much, I-”

“I sacrificed everything for.” As Wanda closes her eyes when she says the words, all the corrupted actions Wanda’s done to keep hold of this broken fantasy flash her mind, as well as that sight of Vision leaving her.

“Even he doesn't understand. He, doesn't believe me, trust me… If even Vis sees me as the villain, maybe I already am.” The shock in Wanda’s words as she says this only undercutting the tragedy of what she’s done; she genuinely hoped all the wrong she’s done would be worth the sacrifice.

Monica, almost steps back. She doesn’t know if it’s out of fear, pity… But the pain in Wanda as she’s seeing it now is just as tangible and permanent as the pain she felt when Wanda was actually inside her head.

Monica almost fears, Wanda’s too far gone to- … to come back.

Be who she was before she lost Vision.

How can you talk sense to someone who’s all but destroyed themselves from the inside out?

Someone who’s been drowned out by their pain, loss, and anger, they can’t see anything past it.

Monica felt like Wanda was in her most fragile, vulnerable state right now. And that one wrong move, one wrong word, and you could just set her off, exploding and disintegrating everything around her.

“So, don't you stand there, and claim you understand anything,” the crimson energy starts swirling on Wanda’s fingertips once more.

“Because you understand nothing.”

“Nothing,” Wanda doesn’t even hold back the tears that were now falling down her cheek as she voices her vitriol at the hero in front of her, “About what I am feeling right now.”

But even after all the rage she’s spewing, lashing out at Monica. Even after Wanda tries her damnedest to shut out the anguish, the guilt. Her sadness over what all that she’s done was even for, amounting to what. It all eventually comes pouring out.

“If he doesn’t want to be here, there’s nothing I can do about it.”

That’s what Wanda said to their children who saved their father… their father and the love of her life, that she couldn’t bring back.

All she, Tommy, and Billy, wanted was to spend time with him.

Vision’s only still alive because of them.

But she still couldn’t stop him from abandoning them altogether.

“Even after I brought him back…” Wanda’s previously volatile disposition suddenly, disappears.

The grief that was barely being held back, begging to come out, finally did.

“He still left.”

Vision wanted to get as far away from her as possible he was willing to die for it.

Wanda expanded the barrier, their kids ask her where he is… and yet-

“He's still- gone.”

“Wanda…”

Vis appears from their front door, and Monica was about to speak to him about SWORD and Hayward, but Vision looked her in the eyes, and pleaded, for a moment alone with his wife.

Maybe a part of her was feeling pity, or sympathy, for Wanda and Vision, but Monica left them alone. “I’ll stand watch outside. Just know that you don’t have much time.”

Vision nods and thanks the Captain for understanding.

Wanda scoffed at what she said. When did they ever have time?

Wanda currently had her back turned away from Vis, she was wiping away the tears she’d cried in her anger.

Vision stares, at Wanda’s sullen, defeated figure. He’s unsure of what he’s going to do.

He cannot explain, what he feels… for Wanda.

A part of him felt trapped, played with, like he was being controlled, and that he was given sentience yet still bound, forced to play a role he didn’t choose for himself. And every time he’d get the slightest bit of control back, he’d be rewound, dumbed back into sedation.

Vision felt unbelievably at the mercy of some unknown being, unable to take control of his own life, but with enough sentience to know that something was wrong.

He was petrified.

And yet, why does he still feel this torturously irrational emotion that can only be called love, for the one who has been causing him all this pain?

Why does he feel warmth, family, and joy, and home, from someone he doesn’t even remember how he met?

Why does he want to protect, shield, guard, defend, and reach towards to, this woman who violated his mind?

And why, does the sight of Wanda in tears, nearly bring tears out of him as well?

Maybe Wanda could answer the questions that plagued his mind, maybe not.

His entire existence on this world has him grappling, struggling to determine what is real, which of his actions are truly his alone, and which are under Wanda’s control.

But whether or not he’s doing this for the people of West View, for himself, or for Wanda, fact of the matter was that something inside him was telling him that he had to comfort his wife.

He had to bring her back to who she used to be.

He had to go to her.

He had to speak to her, confront her.

He had to love her.

Even if it meant hurting her. Making her say goodbye, having her lose him, again.

He loved her.

Vision stepped forwards and got closer to his wife.

“Wanda...” Vision raised his arm to place his hand on Wanda’s shoulder. Wanda looks at it from her periphery and her face contorts itself, as if she’s trying to hold back- everything.

“I still love you,” Vision admitted, wrapping his arms around Wanda, but exasperation and weariness felt evident in his voice.

Wanda was still turned away from him, Vis essentially hugging her from behind, but he can feel the tension and tiredness in her body, her muscles trembling, despite the exhaustion.

And he can’t help but feel, the guilt in the tears she shed. Tears spilled for him, for what she’d done to him.

“I don't know how. I don't know why.”

“But even after all you've done,”

“I still love you.”

He hears her cry louder, her pain and guilt and self-destruction, pouring out of her little by little. He can feel her, hear her, trying to say something.

“I.. I’m… I didn’t…” Wanda struggles to say, her breath hitching from her sob.

Wanda didn’t want to think about so much of her life, when so much of it just seemed to overflow with loss.

Vital parts of her being, her family that was her only safe haven, the thing she fought for the hardest, all just missing empty cavities now. Where there was hopes for the future and warmth from her past, was replaced with endless pain and grief over losing what she had and could have had.

She was drowning. She really was.

And no one could hear her cries for help. No one was there to catch her when she broke and collapsed.

She couldn’t think. Reason was a privilege known only to those whose emotions didn’t destroy them from the inside out.

She collapsed into herself, lost herself in her own created fake broken fantasy. And she just… she drowned.

“Wanda, I know why you created this world.”

Wanda stops her crying, catches her breath.

He knows.

She didn’t know what to make of that.

“I was told what happened with Thanos and the Mind Stone. But, Wanda, I still don’t know- don’t remember my life, our lives, before West View.”

“I don't remember how I met you. I don't remember how we came to be. I don't remember anything, that we shared. I don't remember why I fell for you, Wanda,” Vis looks at Wanda inquisitively but also devotedly, his unceasing need to figure out how he fell just as pervasive as his love for her.

“I don't know who we were.”

So this is where he’s heading.

“I love you, my darling, and that’s why you need to give me my life, my memories of us, back.”

“I can't-” Wanda grits through her hitched sobs, curling over in Vis’ grasp.

Vision lets her go, heartbroken frustrated to see the woman he loves this far gone. Wanda holds her breath to at least try and control herself, but breaks anyways once she feels the space and distance between her and Vis.

She faces him, “I can't let you know the truth.” Wanda states resolutely, but almost pleading with him, desperate for him not to know.

Before Vis argues otherwise, Wanda gets ahead of him, “If you go back, and find out who you really were, remember everything that we had…” she explains, her fears evident in her rushed petrified speech.

“You'd know why I did this.”

His deed flashes to her mind.

“And you’d know who I was,” placing her hand on her chest as she faces Vis head on“and tell me that this,” Wanda waves her arms around her, pointing to all of Westview, “isn’t me.”

“- Even though that me you knew is long gone by now,” Wanda says, tiredly laughing in self-depreciation at what she’s become.

Wanda looks at the floor, weary. Tears pooling over still, despite the thousands she’d already shed, falling onto that same floor she’s now acutely aware is really just sullen abandoned earth in reality.

Grieving the her that she lost. The them that they lost. And the them they’ve become now, because of her.

Wanda can remember it all. Their past, their struggle to find peace & moments together, the moments they did have, and their hopes for a future that felt so close.

And Vision doesn't.

And Wanda remembers killing off all of it when Vision asked her to kill him.

And Vision doesn't.

Wanda was ready to forsake it all, for a chance to live a new life with him and the home and family they made here.

But here was Vis now, begging for memories of that old lost life back.

Wanda is still staring at the floor, into nothing, vanished in the memories of old Vis, that him begging for brought her back to.

Her tears still flow as she recounts just how innocent, pure, good-hearted, and well-meaningly kind Vis was.

And how much he loved her.

Truly, loved her.

“And you’d tell me to do the “right” thing…”

And Wanda remembers who she used to be. The her that Vis fell for.

The daughter, the sister, the fighter and the rebel, and eventually, once upon a time, the hero. The Avenger, who fought for good even when the rest of the world feared her.

But that was before the world took everything she had from her.

“But then I'd just lose you,” Wanda grimaces, “all over again.” then dissolves once more, as she knows, has known all this time if she’s finally going to be honest, what the right thing was.

Acceptance.

Vis tries to walk over to her, finally wholly understanding, wanting nothing more but to shield and protect Wanda from the hurt she’s currently drowning in but-

“And I can't, I can't-” Wanda pushes him away then stops, still holding onto him. Tells her love the truth.

“I can't lose you,” Wanda finally looks at him directly, grasping onto him so tight, her fear of losing him an overwhelmingly powerful need felt even with just her touch, and sees Vis for who he is, all of who he is, her created copy of her lost beloved, but even still, “not again.”

Vision gently cups Wanda’s face in his right hand, grabs both of hers and plants a soft kiss on them with his other, and admits, “And I don't want to lose you.”

And Wanda breaks down in his arms. Like the first time she did when she truly met him, the tens of other times she had when they were friends, and the thousands of times she did when they were together.

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[actress4him]

Whumptober 2020 - Day 26

I had such a hard time figuring out what to write for this one. I knew I wanted to use this alternate prompt as soon as I saw it, but there are sooooo many good possibilities for water whump! I could NOT make up my mind. So I went to @trope-appreciation-tuesdays again, which gave me even MORE ideas, but I finally ended up settling on a mashup between two ideas submitted by @aliceinwhumperland and @theironcarey . I was pretty happy with how it turned out!

Read on AO3

Read on FFN

Day 26 (Alt 12) - Water

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Warnings: drowning, broken bones

Branches tore at his face and clothes, weird colored leaves sticking in his hair. Dodging left, then right, missing each tree by a fraction of an inch, Keith was racing quite literally for his life through the forest, and as fast as he was running he was pretty sure he was losing the race. After, all these psychotic aliens lived in this forest. They knew it much better than he did.

He came to the cliff so suddenly that he almost pitched right over it, catching himself at the last moment on a tree. His stomach dipped down into his toes before righting itself. For a split second he just stared over the drop off into the sparkling green water below. The ocean. Great.

But there was no time to pause, no time to even look back and see how close the hoard of angry neon aliens had gotten. He didn’t need to, anyway. He could hear them well enough to know they were close, too close. Changing course, he took off again, parallel to the ocean this time. Maybe he could lose them. Maybe they’d think he fell over. Keith winced, not liking the thought of how close he had come to doing just that.

Then again, maybe down was actually the best way to really lose them. The thought was ridiculously stupid, one of those ideas that would get him yelled at by the rest of the paladins. But this whole situation was ridiculously stupid, and if he could find somewhere that he could jump and not land in the water...well, it seemed like a better option than getting mauled to death by aliens that looked like they belonged in a nightclub.

He found his opportunity a few long, breathless dobashes later. A glance over the edge showed that a ledge had formed about halfway down, one that should be wide enough for him to land on. From there, he would be able to contact the rest of the team, make sure they had gotten away, and get someone to come pick him up. As long as the neon aliens didn’t decide to leap off after him.

He gulped, and went for it.

The freefall was forever long and far too short all at the same time. Keith waved his arms instinctively, trying to keep upright in the air, planning on going into a roll as soon as he hit the ground.

What he didn’t count on was landing with his foot at a funny angle, instantly snapping his ankle. Nor did he expect that interrupted momentum to send him careening to the side, slamming his ribs into the side of the ledge before he tumbled over the side. Wide-eyed, he scrambled desperately for something to grab onto, but came up short. 

He was falling again, and this time there was only endless water below.

The surface came to meet him all too quickly, the impact bruising his spine. Instantly the water engulfed him. It was freezing. And he hadn’t gotten the chance to take a good breath, so already he was running low on air. 

As the light sparkling on the water began to draw further away, Keith kicked and flailed his arms, trying to get reoriented and keep himself from sinking further. Every kick sent pain shooting through his ankle. 

But somehow, it worked. Sorta. His face broke the surface for just long enough for him to gasp in a breath, but he ended up sucking in a bit of water, as well, as he immediately went back under. His lungs spasmed, desperate to rid themselves of the foreign substance. Frantically, he kicked again, and though this time only his hand surfaced, he felt something besides just air and water. Something solid. 

His hands went into overdrive as black spots started to dance in front of his eyes. Just when he thought he wouldn’t be able to hold out any longer, they found purchase, and he gave everything he had left to haul himself upward.

Glorious air brushed cold against his face. Keith spluttered, coughing up the water that had been sloshing in his lungs and sucking in gulps of air in between. His chest hurt from the exertion, and that wasn’t even to mention the bruised or cracked ribs on his left side.

When he was finally able to draw in slightly rattling breaths without going into another coughing fit, he finally looked around to see where he had ended up. It seemed to be the opening of a cave. The sea went right up into it, but maybe further in there would be some dry land, which sounded glorious right about then. 

Slowly, hand over hand, he began to make his way deeper into the cave along the wall. Twice his fingers slipped, and he almost plunged back down into the water. Each time he had to stop, take a breath, and try to stop his heart from pounding out his chest. He hated big bodies of water. Not that he was scared of them, he just...didn’t know how to handle them. And so far this whole experience was close to the top of most terrifying moments of his life. He did not want to go back under. 

After what seemed like an eternity, he reached what he had hoped was the back of the cave. Unfortunately, up close it was clear that it merely went around a bend and kept going, with no end to the water in sight. There was no dry land. Nowhere to rest. 

It was then, thankfully, that his comm crackled to life. “Keith, do you copy?”

Thankfully because he wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to hang there, and thankfully because he hadn’t been sure after that spill in the ocean if his comm was even still working.

“I’m here.”

“Thank goodness.” Shiro sounded more than relieved. “I’ve been trying to get you to respond for several dobashes.”

“Sorry.” Keith attempted to adjust his grip on the stone, wincing. “Kinda got wet. Might have taken a bit for my comm to dry out.”

“What do you mean, you got wet?” Lance broke in.

Shiro ignored the interruption. “Most of us are back in the Lions. We have to swing by and pick up Hunk. Where are you?”

“Um.” Suddenly he was quite aware of how embarrassing his situation was. “I’m...in a cave...in the ocean?”

There was silence over the comms for a moment. Then, “Mullet, please don’t tell me you jumped in the ocean to get away from the nightclub aliens.”

“No,” he shot back a bit too quickly. “I didn’t jump in the ocean. I...fell.” It was mostly true. And possibly a worse admission than agreeing with Lance, but he couldn’t stand the tone of voice he was using.

“Are you okay?” Shiro immediately asked.

“Mostly. A little banged up, but I’ll survive.” He’d get lectured later for calling a broken ankle and cracked ribs “a little banged up”, but that was better than making Shiro worry.

“Alright. I’m gonna send Lance to come pick you up, since his Lion will be best if he needs to land in water.”

He wanted to protest. Like, really really wanted to protest. Lance was the last  person that needed to see him right now. But Shiro had a point, Blue was the best Lion for this situation, so he snapped his jaw shut and locked it.

Lance spent the entire flight crowing and preening via a private comm channel over the fact that he was coming to rescue Keith from an embarrassing predicament that Keith had gotten himself into. For his part, Keith just gritted his teeth and bore it in silence, while trying his best to keep his exhausted, trembling arms from giving out and dropping him back into the frigid water. His lower body had long since gone numb. The good news was that that meant his ankle was mostly numb, too, only occasionally giving a throb to let him know it was still broken.

“Are you almost here?” he eventually growled. 

“What, you in a hurry, Mullet?”

He wanted to say, “Yeah, I am. Did I mention that I was in the water?” But that would have just given him more fuel to make fun of him. 

Instead, he griped, “The planet isn’t that big.”

“Well excuse me, but the shoreline is pretty quiznaking long. All you told us was ‘in a cave in the ocean’. I’m still looking.”

Which, that was fair, he guessed. Not that he would ever tell Lance that. And not that his body agreed. “Maybe if you’d stop talking you could concentrate better on looking.”

“Or maybe if you would stop talking to me, I- oh wait, I think I see it!”

Sure enough, the unmistakable whoosh of a Lion’s flight was drawing nearer. “I hear you. You’re definitely close.”

A moment later, Blue’s face filled the opening of the cave. Lance promptly began cackling. “Holy crow, Mullet, this is the best moment of my life. You look like a drowned rat!”

Keith glared, which probably didn’t look all that menacing considering the circumstances. “Ha, ha, very funny. Now are you gonna come in and get me?”

“Sorry, bro, no can do. This is as far as Blue goes. Shoulda picked a bigger cave.” He still hadn’t stopped laughing.

“Yeah, but...ugh. Never mind.” No way was he handing Lance any more ammo. His arms would just have to deal with it. 

His fingers had gotten so cold that they had gone stiff and didn’t want to let go of their hold to start with, but he pried them off and began to painstakingly make his way back toward the entrance. Inch by inch, knuckles aching and muscles quivering the whole time.

“Dude, are you seriously gonna crawl along the wall the whole way?”

“Shut up, Lance.”

A minute of silence. His ribs were starting to smart again, stirred up by the movement.

“Oh my stars, this is gonna take all day! What are you doing?”

“I said shut up, Lance!”

“No, I’m not gonna shut up, this is ridiculous! What are you, Spiderman, now? Why don’t you get off the quiznaking wall and swim?”

“If you’re just gonna sit out there and do nothing but watch, then you have no right to compl-” 

Mid-sentence, his broken ankle bumped up against the rock and his vision whited out. The next thing he knew, water was up over his head again. Panicked, he tried to pull himself back up by the one hand that hadn’t lost its grip, sliding the other one frantically around the wall until it found another handhold and he was able to haul himself out. He came up gasping, coughing, and spitting once more.

“You okay there, Mullet?” Lance’s voice came echoing through the cave a few seconds later. Glancing over, Keith saw him sitting up on Blue’s nose.

“‘m fine,” he spat. He was shivering so hard that he wasn’t sure whether he could keep crawling.

“You got a water phobia?”

“No. I’m not scared, I just...just no. Shut up.”

“You sure? ‘Cause you sure looked scared. And if you’re not scared, then why wouldn’t you just swim over here like a normal huma-”

“Because I can’t, okay?” Keith exploded. “I...I just can’t, so leave me alone and let me get there my own way.”

He kept still, despite that demand, still not able to will his arms into moving again. Amazingly, Lance stayed quiet for longer than expected.

“Did you hurt yourself and lie to Shiro?”

“No.”

Lance groaned. “Then I don’t get why you can’t swim -!” He paused. “Wait. You...can’t swim. Is that what you’re telling me?”

No, no, that was not what he was telling him, that was the last thing he wanted to tell him, of all people, the three time swimteam champion and competitive surfer. But if he continued denying it he would just sound stupid. 

“So what if I can’t? I grew up in the middle of the desert, okay? There was no need to know how to swim.” And no one who cared enough to teach him, for most of his life.

There was silence again, and Keith couldn’t bring himself to look at what kind of face Lance was making at this new revelation. For all he knew, he was laughing so hard it wasn’t making any sound. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Then there was a splash, and Keith snapped his head around to see Mr. Three Time Swimteam Champion popping back up out of the water next to Blue and shaking his sopping hair around.

“Dude! This water is freezing!” 

“Thanks for pointing that out. I hadn’t noticed. What are you doing?”

Instead of answering, Lance started swimming straight toward him with strong, steady strokes. In seconds - covering a distance that had taken Keith forever - he was stopping right next to him, treading water. 

He grinned. “I’m coming to rescue you like I was told.”

Keith clenched his jaw and stared hard at the rocks. “I don’t need rescuing.”

“Oh, okay, so should I just go back to Blue and fly away and leave you to do this yourself?”

He wanted to bash his head against the wall. He didn’t think he had the energy. “No. Ugh, fine. I need rescuing. But you didn’t have to get in the water and come all the way in here. I could have handled it.”

“Sure you could.” Keith could hear the eyeroll without even looking. “Look, dude. You can’t swim. That’s okay. It’s not your fault no one taught you, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I grew up on the beach, so of course I know how. You don’t have to pretend like you’re something you’re not just to save face.”

That...was not at all the reaction he’d expected. He kinda wondered if maybe all the water he had inhaled had gotten to his brain, or if the neon aliens had gotten to Lance and done some kind of body swap.

“And besides,” Lance continued, “even the best trained swimmers would have a hard time after being in this temperature water for as long as you have. Which means we should, you know, get going before I can’t swim, either.”

He still wasn’t sure what in the world had brought on this...kind? understanding? very un-Lance-like response, but he wasn’t going to argue against getting out of the water. Even if it did mean having to let Lance drag him around like a little kid.

“Okay. Fine. How...are we gonna do this?”

Lance grinned again. “Well, I’m thinking maybe if we put our arms around each other like this, so we can each use one arm, and we can both kick…” He threw his arm around Keith’s torso, drawing an involuntary hiss as it bumped into his sore ribs. Lance just stared at him, one eyebrow tilted up.

Keith looked away. “I...may have possibly lied to Shiro.”

“And to me.” Lance sighed dramatically. “Fine, so you busted your ribs or something. Any other injuries I should know about?”

“I may have also possibly broken my ankle.”

“Seriously, dude? Alright, don’t kick with that leg, then.”

“I can -”

“I said don’t.”

Keith glared at him. “Fine.”

“Good. So, you just move your free hand like I’m doing, and kick your uninjured leg up and down, and I’ll do the rest. Got it?”

“Got it.” They adjusted until they were in position and were ready to take off toward Blue.

“Hey Mullet?”

“What.”

“You’re an idiot, you know that?”

Somehow, he was pretty sure based on the tone that this was more about his refusal to accept help than the whole falling into the ocean thing. He kinda owed Lance a thank you. He definitely would if he actually managed to get them back to Blue without drowning. 

What he actually said was, “Takes one to know one.”

He was pretty sure based on the tone that Lance would know what he meant.

[repentantsky]

9 Things I’d like to see at E3, 2021

So E3 2021 is a thing. It’s gonna be all digital, and several companies have already signed up to join, sounds like a good deal, but the question is, will it be what we normally expect out of E3, or will it be more like Summer Game Fest Last Year, where everything that looked like it was gonna be great, but just turned out to be okay? Who can say, but I have some...suggestions, that might make it better, along with some game announcements, that might make it all it should be cracked up to be. 

9. No low quality, at home interviews during the main show 

E3 has had a history of doing interviews during game shows to try and break pace a little, and keep people from being too excited, only to potentially be let down later. However, possibly the worst problem with Summer Game Fest last year, was the at home interviews, which broke pacing during game announcements in a way I can’t imagine was on purpose, and for many, was the time to take a bathroom break, or simply look away for a while. It’s important of course to hear from developers about their projects, and they can divulge some interesting information about games, that either puts something confusing into context, or is accidently leaked, but when we watch shows about game releases, we want to see the games. Interviews should be held in between shows, or better yet, the days following the conferences themselves. 

8. Nintendo finally talks about the big three 

While it’s safe to say Nintendo has done some banger numbers over the last year espeically, due to better console availability, which I never thought I’d say about Nintendo but here we are, it’s also safe to say that fans have been waiting for literal years on Bayonetta 3, Metroid Prime 4, and Breath of the Wild 2. While some have been more patient than others, and of course I understand there’s a flipping pandemic going on, Nintendo told us far too long ago about these games, or the restart of their development, and Breath of the Wild 2 was promised to at least get an update this year, and E3 seems like the best place to do it, especially after their last direct, one that was more than a year in waiting, and left so many people disappointed. And this is coming from someone who had literally only hoped to be excited about one thing, and it didn’t happen The future of how they present games, almost feels like it’s in question after such a show, which did not justify itself, so hopefully, they can finally let everyone walk away happy, and talk about the projects that have been generation the most excitement, for literal years now.

7. Space things out better

You might now know this, I only made one list about it after all, and literally no one reacted to it, but I’m a huge wrestling fan, and one of the promotions I watch, is WWE. Now, WWE is about to launch WrestleMania, their equal to E3 in a lot of ways, and are splitting it up over two days, and that goes for their third brand NXT as well, because they have a history of making the show sometimes 8 hours long. For fans of video games, watching The Game Awards, which can be two to three hours long, is arduous, and tiring, and E3, can also have that same effect. I remember in 2019, I literally fell asleep watching Bethesda’s conference, because I was so tired trying to write about the previous shows in between them, never mind actually watching them, that I was burnt out. Since E3 is going fully digital this year, and everyone is going to be in that same boat, it would be nice if we didn’t have too many shows, spanning over a near 12 hour period, which was happened before, making people stay up late to enjoy what they want to, or you know, work, which is free promotion for whatever gets announced. Spacing the shows out to no more than three a day, and giving people enough time to get their thoughts together, would just be really nice. 

6. Devolver Digital, tries a different style

Look, I don’t hate Devolver Digital’s approach to talking about games at E3, but what I do hate, is them telling the same jokes over and over again, and expecting everyone to laugh, because you know, it’s so funny when something that’s already been said, or shown, is modified ever so slightly for years on end. I’m not saying they can’t still tell jokes, please do, E3 is as much a good time as it is stressful depending on who you are, so the change of pace can at times be a lot of fun, but the last time they had a “conference”, it was a slog, and generally left me feeling annoyed, and I can’t help but feel I’m not the only one. They want to be different, I say that’s great, but they need to do it in a way that for one, is actually different, because their style has become a cliché in and of itself, and where they don’t spend time talking about fake games, because it’s hard to know at times what’s real and what isn’t. I honestly thought the last time they did one, the final game they talked about was just a play on the “one more thing” trope conferences have, and when I later realized it wasn’t, I never got that first sense of hype, and so lost interest, and that’s not a good business model. We don’t even know at this point if they’re going to declare for E3, and since it was announced late, it might be too hard to get a show at all, but if they do show up, or even when they next do a conference, it would be nice if they considered this line of thinking.

5. Drop the “Exclusive Online Portal” idea

Yeah I don’t know what the ESA was thinking with this one, but they mentioned that E3 will be streaming from an exclusive online portal, and not only do we not know what that means, but no one flipping cares! We’re all going to watching it on YouTube, Twitch, or dare I say it but it’s possible, Facebook Gaming, and any other platform is completely useless. We are all tired of hearing, download a new program to do a thing you can already do on other platforms, PC gamers especially, stop releasing new flipping launchers and...sorry, that’s for another list in the future perhaps, but the point stands. You might get streamers to download, or go to whatever site they need to, to watch the shows, but everyone else, is either going to watch those streams, or as it often happens, watch the highlights at a later time, so to add a potentially extra step to that process, is just not going to go anywhere, and since E3 will be free to watch, it’s not like this is going to be a good way to make money, unless you do plan to do the following...

4. Throwing flipping ads at everyone between shows or otherwise

Look, I get it, even an online show that’s going to be talking about games costs money to make, and so money must be made by other means, many of which are not available to the ESA without people actually being present, but the thing about E3 is, as much as we all love it, it is one massive ad, and even though it’s an add we like, it’s not one that needs too many ads thrown at it beyond what it already has. There are other, less annoying ways to make money, like having products from the games announced be available at a store online that people can access, that sees them getting part of the profit, or something of that nature, but this portal that was mentioned, seems like a place where the ESA can just throw ads at people all day, and that just seems like a horrible idea. A lot of people don’t see E3 as an ad, even though it absolutely is, and blowing away the smoke and mirrors that it’s not, by throwing countless ads at people for the sake of trying to make money, might be the end of E3 as we know it. 

3. Don’t spend too much time talking about games that are coming out close to the event, or just came out

Like I said, E3 is one big, massive ad, and for the most part, that’s totally alright, but E3 also has a habit of sneaking in little bits talking about games, that are coming out during the week of, or very close to the shows, to the point of being annoying. Most of the time these ads are short, show nothing new, and generally kill the pace of the conferences on display. While it’d be one thing to try and shadow drop a game this way, because we all love a good shadow drop, we really don’t need ads for games like FF7 Intergrade, Ratchet and Clank: Rift Apart, or flipping Mario Golf: Super Rush. We know those games are coming, we are paying attention, give us a little credit, and save that for games that could use the push like Neptunia: ReVerse, Legend of Mana, or maybe even Scarlett Nexus who actually in way, has to compete with Mario Golf. This might be more a developer problem, and E3 itself might actually have little to no control over this, but whoever does it, needs to do it right.

2. Xbox needs to stop lying, and go big

I love Xbox, I really do, for whatever reason it’s become my go to place for physical indie games, and whenever I want to play a shooter, I start thinking green, but in their conferences, Phil Spencer has a tendency to oversell what Xbox is going to show, by talking about how many games are going to be at the show, or by constantly mentioning how Xbox is more powerful than it’s competitor consoles, like it does any good for the bottom line of the company. I don’t want to hear Phil say they are going to show off 80 games during their show, and have half of them be ports, or shown off in a montage. Doing that means everyone has to go look up a large portion of what they actually announce to learn anything, and that’s no fun. I don’t want montages during E3 at all, and while I’m at it, Xbox espeically needs to bring in the big guns. I’m talking Halo Infinite, Gears 6, the next Forza game, and maybe, finally, a Japanese exclusive title that will get people really hyped. Xbox might just have free reign over the show on the day they present, but another show that has extremely mixed opinions like in 2019, might not be the best thing ever. 

1. GET. SONY. 

Obviously we know that Sony and the PlayStation brand haven’t been associated with E3 for a while now, and I get it, it’s kind of hard to justify going down to L.A. every year, when an online digital show, saves a whole bunch of money, and can get people just as hyped as if they had been there, but this year, everything is online, and Sony’s State of Play’s have been a mixed reaction as a whole. Taking them to E3 not only sets up more hype for them, but it also gives people something they really need right now, something close to the norm, with all of console developers, showing off their best. E3 2019, just felt weaker, and too safe without Sony there, and last year was a total, long winded disaster because of Summer Game Fest. If the ESA is really going to go for this, and give it an earnest shot, and give us the best that they can, they need Sony to show up and blow our minds with, I don’t know, God of War 2, Spyro 4 (hopefully) and a new IP or two to really get the show to being considered one of the best. E3 will probably be alright regardless of if they are there or not, but if they are, the chances of it being truly great, go up in spades. 

And that’s my list, did I miss anything else you can think of? Let me know in the comments below, like this list if it interested you, reblog it if you love it, and have a wonderful day. 

[miscellaneousramblings]

The world is cruel and unfair. My thoughts about the end of SnK.

This is a post about my feelings re: the end of SnK. I try to mix a bit of analysis and express where, in my opinion, it went wrong.

I’ve only read the last chapter once for now. Managed to avoid every spoiler until the official release. What can I say? I think this ending is disappointing and unsatisfying, despite not being The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Read. It’s serviceable at best, which by default is underwhelming in a work that has almost always tried to go above what we usually see in comparable pieces of fiction. Over almost 140 chapters, SnK offered its readers genuine emotions, either positive or negative, and, until this final chapter, managed to stay true to its themes. But this final chapter is basically a 4/10 or 5/10 ending in an overall 9.5/10 story.

I hope that, after the initial shock of the ending, I’ll be able to look back on it, not fondly, but with a bit more appreciation for some of its (too few) genuinely good moments. I also hope it won’t sour the experience of reading SnK too much for me. Of course, I accept the ending, I accepted it literally the moment I read it even though I saw it go further and further from my expectations and understanding of the story by the second. And obviously, I respect Isayama as a writer and genuinely cherish some parts of this manga.

But I won’t ever think this ending was good, and am going to try to explain why.

First, something quite subjective. I think the chapter lacked genuine emotion. I didn’t feel much of anything, except a crushing sentiment of sadness and a bit of anger when I saw Mikasa alone by Eren’s grave at the end. A lot of what happened felt either incomplete or forced, and often both. For example, I had imagined the moment the curse of Ymir broke would be the most beautiful moment in the manga, but instead it just... happened? This was supposed to be the peak of this story, the miracle that all these terrible sacrifices were made in the name of. I keep thinking about the moment the curse breaks at the end of Fruits Basket (a great read btw) and how genuinely emotional this chapter is even though the genre is different from SnK’s. Considering Isayama’s talent when portraying emotions, I can’t help but feel terribly underwhelmed by his version of this moment, which should have made us feel like everything was worth it, but didn’t.

Second, the pacing in this last arc (and especially post 123) was messy. I know it’s easy to criticize as a reader, but objectively, spending 7 chapters on the alliance going from point X to point Y and not giving the main character the spotlight he deserves is a major mistake. I kept holding hope that all of the buildup since chapter 130 was going to amount to the last 2-3 chapters slapping extremely hard (like, say, the Grisha-centered chapters in return to Shiganshina, or the Reiner-Eren conversation in Marley), but for the first time, Isayama disappointed me in that regard.

While mostly uninteresting fights got dragged out, some plot points were almost forgotten. Some setups never got a proper conclusion. Eren barely got the time to explain his motivations or what he saw. Historia’s conversation from chapter 130 never got an ending. The parasite and Ymir literally disappeared even though they were the focus of the last two chapters before this one. Some memory shards went unexplained. We never got to see Grisha’s death even when this panel exists?

Regardless of the actual things I don’t like in the ending, I think it would have been more palatable if this last stretch of chapters had been given time to breathe, if only to expand on the characters’ motivations or give us more interactions (for example, Eren’s talks with Annie, Reiner, Connie...).

Third, characterisation and themes. Oh boy. My favourite character is Eren, and my other favourites are Mikasa, Armin, Reiner and Zeke. I think that among these five, the only one who got a true, complete character arc was Armin (and arguably Zeke as well, though the lack of resolution between him and Eren is a hate crime towards me, specifically). Reiner had a great character arc overall but his last appearance in the manga was distateful and a regression. I won’t expand on it.

Mikasa... my poor girl. My most charitable take about her ending is that Isayama wanted to portray her inner strength, the fact she can always live on in the face of adversity and cherish her own life despite the setbacks while remembering those she loves. Well, I guess he succeeded. But in a weirdly unsatisfying way, because this renders her character arc entirely cyclical. Those qualities have characterised Mikasa since the start. It’s established since the very first arc that she’s prideful, brave, and that she has the inner strength to live without Eren if he ever disappears from this world. But the way Isayama made it happen? Having her kill him and then cry next to his grave in the final panels of the manga is what her arc amounted to? I had always hoped that Mikasa could actually save Eren from himself and show him how to live and share his burdens with him (all things that have been foreshadowed in the manga itself, btw). I thought her tattoo would hold some significance, either by

A/ being transmitted to her potential child with Eren were he to survive (didn’t happen)

B/ foreshadowing a future political role for her as a bridge between Hizuru and Paradis (didn’t happen, and furthermore she’s the only alliance member living in Shiganshina and is deliberately separated from the rest of them)

C/ having some kind of supernatural power that would allow her to change the game, were she to enter paths or reach the coordinate (didn’t happen).

So what? In the end, Mikasa’s Big Choice amounted to giving up on her love (but also not really because she’s never going to be able to move on and isn’t allowed to feel anything else but pain), resulting in her losing her family for the third time and never being able to welcome Eren home. This is horrifyingly sad. I’m also frankly disturbed by the sort of ~parallel Eren establishes in this chapter between Ymir and Mikasa, about the topic of love. So the message of SnK was that... love is a chain? Everything happened because Ymir was too attached to the King and couldn’t leave this world, so Mikasa had to show her that she could give up on love for the greater good by killing Eren? I wish I just misunderstood this but that’s what I got from the chapter and I hate it. Also, I really thought Isayama was above the traditional “female character who sacrifices everything and never reaches happiness but stays quiet and endures for the common good” trope. I was wrong.

Mikasa might have been the centerpiece of the story, but she got the short end of the stick. At this point, the writing pretty much does the opposite of what it is supposed to by inadvertently justifying the validity of Mikasa and Eren’s “selfish” dream in chapter 138. Initially, I thought that their dream was wrong and not something truly enviable because in it, they led a life of guilt and regret while knowing full well that Eren would end up dying anyway, leaving Mikasa behind, alone. Naively, I thought that surely choosing the responsible path would be more rewarding for Mikasa, one way or the other. But as it turns out, the path of selflessness also led her to a life of solitude, except now she carries her burdens all on her own without having tasted happiness. Amazing. I genuinely do not know how I am supposed to root for this.

Finally... Eren. Oh boy. Oh, good lord. I’ll admit I wanted him to live, but I was also ready to accept an ending where he dies. But... not like this. I already said I don’t like the fact Mikasa killed him, but what I like even less is the lack of general resolution his character received. He’s the MC for god’s sake! But post-chapter 123, he has received second, if not third-grade treatment, save from chapter 131, which was brilliant.

Overall, his motivations are a mess, which I get. Him getting confused because of all his powers and memories is understandable. Him having conflicting motivations is actually appealing to me. He wanted to save Eldia, but was also disappointed in the outside world (when he says “I would have done it anyway”, I thought about what he said to Ramzi and the "scenery” in 131) , and wished for his friends to become heroes. I get it, it’s fine.

But Isayama went too far with the tragic aspect of his character. As in, there is no catharsis, just crushing pain. Isayama deliberately went overkill by stating that Eren killed 80% of humanity (what the hell), and, even worse, actually drove Dina to Carla. I literally couldn’t believe this. I have seen people theorize about this months ago and immediately discarded it by thinking it was ridiculous and amount to character assassination. To make things clear, I’m not discussing Eren’s actions in the last arc from a moralistic point of view, because this would be another topic entirely, I’m talking about what makes sense in the narrative that has been presented to us since the Paths chapters started and Eren’s plan was revealed. For example, however awful the contents of the scene was, Eren manipulating Grisha to kill the Reiss family was not only amazingly written and drawn in chapter 121 but also narratively motivated by the fact he needed the Founding Titan’s power. This scene also had other functions, such as revealing the Attack Titan’s premonition powers or making Zeke interact with Grisha and understand the truth about his father. Compared to this, the “moment” we have in 139, this abrupt, absurd revelation about him indirectly killing his mother is rushed and nonsensical. Even if this was to kickstart the whole story by awakening his hatred for the titans, I can’t help but feel shaken by how... gratuitous a “plot-twist” it is. What does it say about the attachment Eren had to his mother and her words to him? (”because he was born into this world”). This nullifies one of the most impactful scenes of the manga, because the ending makes it clear that in the end, existing as a human being by the simple virtue of being born wasn’t enough for him. It just couldn’t be, for some reason that I’m yet to fully understand. Instead, he endured and endured, and never got to experience the simple, humane existence Carla wished for him. So were these beautiful words a lie all along? Why did Isayama go to such an extreme with Dina? The only conclusion I can come to is that it’s because he needed Eren to be absolutely, totally irredeemeable. Eren needed, storywise, to be this unstoppable extremist who would get burned to ashes by his uncontrollable desires.

Because yes, apparently, Eren had to die. There was no escape. Worst of all, Eren died a slave. A slave to his desire for freedom. A slave to the destiny he saw at age 15. A slave to his titan powers. This is what I truly can’t forgive about this ending. I won’t stand for the “but he chose this” answer, because it was a choice made out of despair, and all the alternatives are presented as non viable by the narrative (are they really though? or is it just a cope-out to justify the last arc of the manga unfolding as it did?). In short, Isayama justifies this “choice” that was forced on Eren by telling us: his life was destined to be short, he had a violent side he just wouldn’t repress, Mikasa didn’t give him the answer he wanted, he was overwhelmed by what he saw, and their enemies were zeroing in on them. Canonically, all of this made him start the Rumbling. Fine. But I always thought that, at the end of it all, even if Eren were to die, this narrative would be challenged. That Eren would at least have a big cathartic moment, and that he would make another choice upon realising that the freedom he looked for was illusory, and that he would fight to the bitter end for what was right, what he truly wanted, before finally either going to rest or living on with the burden of his actions but the support of his loved ones. I wished for the perfect blend of bitterness and hope. The tragedy of irredeemeable actions completed by the powerful liberation of free will. The idea that change is possible.

But what did we get instead? Eren reaffirming that the Rumbling would have happened anyway while feeling tremendous guilt, as usual (living a life with regrets, and consequently, a death with regrets), refusing the support Armin was ready to lend him (refusing to even try to defy what he thinks is his destiny and pushing others away again) and erasing the memories of all his friends after having manipulated them into ending him against their wishes (going against the most basic concept of freedom). And because we as readers and he as a character have to suffer until the very end, Eren finally clearly expressed his wish to live, to stay with Mikasa and his friends. Only to die 5 pages later, for good.

The main character of this story truly died as a disembodied head, in a titan’s mouth, killed by the person he loved the most before being buried in a nameless grave. One of his mottos was “fight”, but in the end, he didn’t. He let fate happen. In a story about freedom, this is unfathomable. This is beyond the realm of sadness for me, and I’m leaning more and more towards indignation. Where was his dignity as a character? I know that Mikasa, Armin and the others know “the truth about him” but I’m sorry, this isn’t enough. Now, if I ever get the strength to re-read SnK, I won’t be able to look at Eren without thinking about all the things he sacrificed: love, friendship, happiness, humanity, morals, principles, justice, freedom, the lives of countless others, the peace of mind of the person he loves, and his own life. A sacrifice so great should have gotten us a reward as great, if not greater. But we only got the end of the titan curse, without even an apparition or a word from Ymir, the one who actually started all of this, and now Paradis is ruled by the Yeagerists or something. The wings of freedom defaced by two rifles. How great. How satisfying.

In the end, I can’t really fathom what Isayama wanted to say with this chapter. The story itself, the 138 chapters that preceded it seemed clear to me. The world is cruel but also very beautiful. But after having read 139, I don’t know where the freedom the characters chased is. I don’t know why love was portrayed as something so precious but also something that in the end was predestined to be discarded. I don’t know why characters such as Mikasa went against fate only to be crushed by it further down the road.

I never thought that SnK would go into this almost grimdark direction, but it did. I can barely find the beauty in this chapter. Mikasa’s last panels are heartbreaking, but even the strength of her love can’t shine through the countless sacrifices the characters - and especially she and Eren - made, for the sake of a future that already seems extremely compromised. I guess that all in all, the world’s cruelty overshadows everything, and those who make the greatest sacrifices also are those who never get repaid. The world is unfair. I know that, but it was my naive wish that reading a piece of fiction would help me take my mind off this reality by showing me there is also more to it.

PS: the best moment in the chapter was those panels:

Finally, even if it was too little and too late, someone showed Eren he wasn’t alone, and didn’t need to be. RIP, my beautiful boy. You truly did deserve better than what this story allowed you to be.

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 1: The Accident...

It is recommended, though by no means a must if you know the Marauders history enough to be reading fanfiction about them, you read We Were first. The first five chapters are slightly AU to the continuity of this fic, but the grand point and especially the final chapter are key to the beginning of this fic as you get plopped in the middle. Link is below or you can find it in my profile.

Before you get started; Warnings include- Explicit Wolfstar (Remus/Sirius), and on the whole a rather flimsy premise that I honestly created to indulge myself because I didn't let myself do it the first time. A lot less logically based and a lot more I just felt like having fun with this one. It's not to say I'll let this degenerate into tropes and one note things, but there's going to be even less reading of the books involved, as in literally they're just interacting around the story with only passing mentions of what's going on in there. If you want a much more grounded basis and more 'realistic' approach to a reading series, I put my heart and every cell of my mind into The Life that Never Lived, PDF's upon request. I'm pretty sure this one grew from my funny bone that I broke when I was seven.

HPHPHPHP

The dungeons where Potions were held had always felt like the most oblique part of the castle, and Sirius had been in every corner of it to claim as such. It wasn't entirely the fault of the dark stone walls, sweltering hot air from the many flames, or the often unexplained fumes. The feeling seemed to seep up straight from the cold stone floor no matter how many fires were lit, as if the wooden stool itself were trying to pin them all with the unknown.

Sirius had never been more grateful for a Potions class to be over, and that was really saying something. It was the last one of this bleeding school semester, and if he had to spend one more day glaring at a cauldron and somehow inexplicably turning it the wrong color one more time without the usual helpful hint from Peter telling him why, he was going to chuck every last drop of it in Slughorn's face for constantly telling him he'd figure it out!

He'd never packed up his bag faster, even managing to multitask by muttering under his breath how stupid all this was. He was the first person to make it to the door, but collided with someone even less pleasant to see than the three people he'd most been avoiding lately. He cursed loudly, earning several dirty looks as the rest of the class was now passing. His bag had ripped upon stumbling into his little brother and smashed to the ground, sending his things flying and managing to spray him with ink.

Regulus hesitated in the doorway, muttering a quick, "sorry Sirius."

"Oh, it knows my name," Sirius growled under his breath, though his tone was far less hateful than usual, considering this was the first time he'd had a proper conversation with someone in nearly three weeks. His little brother was hardly his first choice, given his proud Slytherin status and being two years younger didn't remotely have them coming near each other most days, a fact he was usually grateful for.

"Yes, he does," Regulus' scowl looked remarkably close to Sirius', the two put side by side at once was rather eerie. His tone though was even more friendly than Sirius', which wasn't all that hard as he tried to explain his abrupt appearance. "I ah, I came sprinting down here to see if I could catch Slughorn, ask him if I could pick up an extra credit assignment."

Sirius straightened with his stuff still half strewn around, but again that pull for someone to talk to seemed greater, especially as he glanced back and saw who hadn't left yet, so he responded no matter how unenthusiastically. "Yeah, what you struggling with?" While tapping his bag and mending the tear, slowly bending down to pick each item back up while he absently listened. Regulus even began to help him while he explained in short, precise sentences like he was practicing for the teacher.

Frank Longbottom and Alice Smith slipped in past the two Black brothers at the doorway and found the room mostly empty, and they shared an exasperated look as they wondered if they'd just walked in on Slughorn telling this group off again. They were early for their next class after all, but the teacher was nowhere in sight. They did get a full view of what started quite an interesting journey.

James was hanging by Evans' cauldron, trying to chat happily with her, but mostly waiting for Sirius to leave first. He could hardly stand to look at him these days, let alone pass by him in such a restricted place, yet the wanker had struck up a conversation with Regulus of all people, someone he'd hardly spoken a whole sentence to in the past five years, but no, he'd chosen now! Probably just waiting for them to walk past first, like this was all still some game to him.

Remus and Peter were hovering on edge right beside him, Remus fidgeting with what was left of his cauldron on the desk while Evans was trying to pack hers up and being hampered by James staying in her way. "Won't you at least consider coming? It's our last game of the season! What if you're my good luck charm, you've always been the best at those! Do you really want to be the reason Gryffindor loses?"

"They've gotten on just fine without me there the past years," Lily snipped. She never knew why she even bothered responding to him half the time, but considering it no more discouraged him than ignoring him, at least this way she got to vent.

She tried to sidestep past him, James once again stepped into her way, and the two collided with each other, their hands accidentally slipping into her cauldron Remus had just mistakenly dumped his own potion into.

Whatever the concoction the two mixed together created upended the entire world.

At first though, nothing really changed. There was no marvelous flash of light, no force of nature that showed everyone outside of this room had vanished. Lily simply made a gagging noise as she pulled her hand out of the vat and glared furiously at the oddly pale teen, pulling her wand out at once with her less dominant hand she hadn't tried to catch herself with and banish the gunk off while hissing at him, "You are so lucky I turned that in already Lupin! What the hell did you even create? I've never seen this before," she finished with a critical eye at the now steaming mess, that vanished before their eyes.

"Wow Remus, you should do that more often, really makes cleanup easier," Peter chuckled while Remus looked rather concerned.

"I, err, I'll admit, I really screwed up my potion worse than usual. I think I added three things I actually wasn't supposed to, so you've got me."

James just flung the mess from his hand, which also vanished before it had even landed on anyone, and glanced back hopefully like he'd thought his source for this mess had left already.

He hadn't.

His face was turned in their general direction, like he'd been trying to subtly glance over and hope for the same, but now he was looking right through James. That wasn't uncommon lately, but the stunned look of confusion on his face was enough James grudgingly turned his head the other way to see what.

Back on the lip of the cauldron, was a slim red book with a golden one on the spine. It was just sitting there, like Evans had left it on purpose, but it certainly hadn't been a second ago.

Lily took his distraction as a chance to bolt from the room, Regulus gave his brother an awkward wave goodbye and went back out towards Slughorn's office since he'd clearly missed him, and Alice and Frank tried to casually step back out as well. Even being a year above those four had not left them oblivious to their fight. The whole school was aware of the fact the four Marauders had not been seen together in quite some time, and neither of them particularly felt like putting their nose into why.

James was still frowning in confusion at the odd title stamped across, which simply read Harry Potter Year One.

"Err, did either of you-" James looked at the two as if in some kind of explanation, but both gave a mystified shake to their head. James couldn't help it, he still looked automatically towards his best mate, and then he caught himself and realized they were the only four left. Sirius' eyes had still been locked in on the odd object, really ridiculous his mind supplied as James had no relatives named Harry, and wondered if this was some odd attempt at a prank?

Sirius didn't stick around to care, completely forgetting the rest of his things, he turned on his heel and finally exited as well, when they all heard a shriek.

As one, the four bolted up to the Entrance Hall, Alice and Frank right behind them as they hadn't wandered off far, to see Lily standing in the middle and stamping her foot in frustration upon seeing them. "Damn, I thought someone would have reacted to that."

"Err, Evans," James began in concern as if for her health.

"Where is everybody!" She demanded while gesturing to the Great Hall where there should have been a packed lunch crowd. Nobody was in there, and now that they were listening for it, the din of a castle filled with people, was deadly silent all around them.

As if given a signal, everyone began shouting all at once, sure the ruckus would cause someone to appear, but the only other arrival was Regulus coming up from the stairs as well, looking at all of them with great concern. "Geez, you lots shouting usually has a much greater audience."

"Thank you Regulus for that helpful insert!" Sirius snapped.

Regulus ignored that and seemed to look around himself and really acknowledge his own words, before realization slammed into him as well as he whispered, "What's going on?"

"We'd all like to know that," Frank put his hands up in frustration, this was what he and his girlfriend got for getting to class early.

"This is ridiculous," Lily seethed, stomping up towards the stairs. She was intending to barge into every crevice of this place and find someone other than these idiots to deal with. She didn't know what the school was playing at, but it wasn't funny.

Alice and Frank followed her as they still considered her the least craziest compared to the others.

Sirius still couldn't bring himself to look at the other three and bolted out onto the grounds for an exit, and Regulus couldn't think of anything better to do but follow him.

James waited until they were back alone before nodding to Peter, who pulled the Marauder's Map back out and cast the charm to activate it. On cue, the magical ink appeared, spreading through the tattered paper, but only revealing eight names instead of the several hundreds it normally housed.

"What the bloody hell?" Remus demanded, snatching it away as if sure somehow Peter had cast it wrong. He deactivated it and retried five times before looking up in exasperation, to see James flipping through the book. "Of all times, you chose now to pursue one of those!" Remus demanded.

"Remus, what the bloody hell was in that potion," James whispered to him.

Remus looked at him askance. "I told you I don't know, I was, well I-" it was hard to admit how thoroughly distracted he'd been, even more than usual in his potions classes. His past two attempts had been utter messes as well. Somehow without Sirius by his side and being a constant distraction, he'd found a way to blow up his more recent attempts, so he'd been rather proud this one had only changed the wrong color seven times. "What's your point?"

"This," James waved it around, his face still looking somehow detached as if he had no clue what he was really saying, "it's-" he broke off, and Remus huffed in exasperation as he snatched it away.

"Yes James, it has words, glory look at that they're even strung together with sentences! What's the big-" he stopped abruptly at what he saw quite clearly had Prongs so thrown off. Remus could feel it now, this book was giving off as if the most powerful magic to exist, certainly that he'd ever been around.

"This isn't, there's no way-" he tried to protest what his eyes weren't changing.

"What?" Peter demanded in exasperation of the two.

"That's from the future." James stated coolly.

Peter laughed, realized neither was pulling his leg, and then yanked the book to him as well.

"It, it's a joke or-" he tried to say, but it was the exact same to his eyes as well.

"Remus, what the bloody hell did you mix with Lily's Profligare potion?" James asked again like he'd have another answer!

"I, I told you, I have no clue!" Remus insisted, his heart restricting painfully in his chest.

"Why aren't their words in the rest of this book?" Peter asked curiously. There were an easy three hundred pages to this thing, but only the first sentence was visible. The rest was blank.

"Put that down," Remus suddenly yelped, slapping it away from him. It thudded to the ground and even skidded a few feet while Wormtail looked offended.

"Merlin Remus, James was holding it for a whole five minutes and he didn't explode."

"Let's prioritize for a minute," James insisted. "Ignore that thing and figure out where everyone is, maybe show that to Dumbledore-"

"That might be a problem, as there's no one else here!" Remus snarled.

"Well I'll say one thing, Evans sure can make one good banishing potion," Regulus commented as he stepped back into the Entrance Hall minus Sirius.

The question burst out of James before he could consider doing otherwise, "where's your better half?"

Regulus scowled hatefully, hesitated, but still answered, "still wandering the damn grounds, think he said something about checking the bottom of the lake. I don't know what you lot are fighting about, but for him to be saying that even as a joke really is something."

James flinched with the first spot of guilt he'd felt, and Remus looked away as if he hadn't even heard. Peter took the opportunity to shove the map back out of sight before he twisted his fingers together and just deciding to ignore that as well and said, "We might as well go find the other three and show at least them. Something Dark is going on around here, perhaps we shouldn't go wandering off."

"Oh that's nice, just leave him out on the grounds by himself then if that's what you're thinking," Regulus muttered as his two friends seemed to agree and took off up the stairs, Peter having to jog to keep up.

They found them already up to the second floor, and with every empty room they'd opened, they'd become increasingly more panicked. This just wasn't natural! Even during the holidays you were likely to run across someone by now! A ghost even! What was left of the Marauders caught up to them, and Lily's near hysterics weren't helped with their answer to this.

"Just come back downstairs!" James was trying to put his hands up in a comforting, surrendering gesture to the vivid redhead who hadn't stopped shouting for a solid minute, so her face was as bright as her hair. "We found something you lot really should see!"

It took a bit more persuading and Frank and Alice agreeing first before Lily conceded searching every room wasn't helping.

They went back downstairs and saw Sirius had rejoined his little brother, and the two were frozen in place over what had already been discovered with the book still open on the ground for all to see.

"You wanted to show me a book!" Lily demanded as she looked murderously at Potter. "How is that helping to find out what happened!"

"Just look at it," Potter insisted.

Without touching it, she went to where it had fallen on the floor, and then she too along with Frank and Alice saw.

Scrawled across the top was the title The Boy Who Lived, which meant nothing to anyone so their eyes skipped down to below that, which was just under the date 1981. Six years from now.

[sabraeal]

We Seek That Which We Shall Not Find, Chapter 7

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Written for @k-itsmaywriting as her prize for winning the Trope Madness kitty last March! I’d make the usual groaning noises about how late I am, but honestly...this is about as good as I could do this year XD

“So let me get this straight.” Obi’s long fingers steeple over his character sheet. “Not only is homeslice the lord of this particular castle and its whole dealie--”

“Demense,” Kiki offers.

“--Right, demense. That sounds fancy enough. So he’s not only the big wig of this demense place, but also--” her stomach curls to match the trajectory of his smirk-- “my lady’s boyfriend.”

“Ah! It’s not like that!” Shirayuki waves her hands, attempting to scuttle this whole avenue of inquiry. “He’s not-- we’re not-- together.” She dares a glance at Izana. “I...think?”

His mouth twitches; no comment. This may be presumptuous of me, one of his first texts reads, burning a hole in her pocket, but would you be open to a potential failed betrothal in your backstory?

There was no way for her to know, not when her only image of Zen’s older brother was a blond man behind a backseat window, waiting in the school parking lot, but still, still--

I’m open to whatever you think would go best, should not have been her answer. Every poster on r/tabletop would have called her...well, nothing polite, that’s for one.

“I mean, maybe...technically?” She’s not entirely sure how fourth century betrothals work, especially fantasy ones. “Lynet is under the impression that this was all dissolved for, ah...” Izana offers her a beatific smile, like an angel before it sets fire to a city. “...reasons.”

“But officially,” Obi presses, “he has dibs.”

Her mouth pulls flat. “I guess if you’re the sort of person who thinks you can call dibs on a sentient being with free will, yes.”

“Right,” Obi bulldozes on, oblivious to the pothole he’s hurtling toward, “and now he’s throwing you this banquet--”

“The banquet’s for all of us,” Zen snaps, arms cross and cheeks flushed. “As a reward for saving Laxdo.”

“Oh, is that right? As I remember it--” Obi taps his chin, so thoughtful-- “Lynet was the one who figured out the whole compulsion thing. And who was it that broke the curse? Oh, right: Lynet.”

“No!” Shirayuki claps her hands to her cheeks. It would be nice if she could take even a fictional compliment without blushing. “You all helped!”

“See?” Zen cuts a hand toward her, smug. “It’s for all of us.“

“Oh yes,” Kiki deadpans, teeth peeking out from her smirk. “Moral support is just as important as actually solving the puzzle. I’m sure his lordship agrees.”

Mitsuhide rubs at his chin, stubble scraping over his palm. Four hours ago, he arrived clean shaven; now he’s sporting a five o’clock shadow. Shirayuki can only stare in wonder.

“I think...they might have a point.” He winces under Zen’s scowl. “Not that I think we weren’t important! But Lord Shuuka...”

He shrugs. It’s like watching mountains heave, but in a gentle, lovable way.

Kiki’s mouth twitches. “I have the distinct impression we were afterthoughts on that banquet invitation.”

“I’m the Prince of all the Britons and the Angles!” Zen shrills, slapping his hand on the table. “I’m not an afterthought.”

The room goes suddenly,awkwardly silent; the only noise the rattle of heating through the ducts. The exactly moment his words echo back to him is made painfully clear by the way he blushes, blotchy and red all up and down his neck, like he’s the one with a curse.

Kiki’s eyebrow nearly collides with her hairline. “You mean Arturius?”

“That’s what I said,” Zen grumbles, hunching down in his seat. “Or at least what I meant.”

“In any case,” Obi presses on, “what’s a king to a cute girl you’re gonna marry--?”

“We’re not engaged.” It’s pointless; Obi’s clearly concerned less about Lynet’s marital status and more about riling Zen up about it, but still. “I mean, not now.”

“Betrothed,” Izana interjects casually, tapping the end of his pen on his notebook. “It is different. Legally.”

Shirayuki nibbles on her lip, stomach wriggling in a concerned squirm. Nothing good comes of Izana getting pedantic.

“Sure, maybe you’re not now,” Obi allows with a shrug of his shoulder. “But come on, what better place is there to woo a medieval maiden than a banquet?”

“A ball,” Kiki offers, flat, at the same time Mitsuhide thoughtfully posits, “A stroll through the garden.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Zen snips, lifting his chin. “Shirayuki already said Lynet wasn’t interested.”

“Sure, sure. Hey, boss.” Obi pitches toward Izana with a smile that can only be described as looking for trouble. “How tall is this guy?”

For once, Izana seems flustered, eyelashes fluttering as he blinks down at his notes. “I’m sorry, come again?”

“This Shuuka dude. The lord here? The baron or whatever he is.” He rests his chin on his hand, smile sharpening into a feral grin. “How tall is he?”

“Ah...average, I suppose.” His brows knit, fingers shuffling through his papers. “There aren’t any good estimates of height for this era, but I suppose if you wanted a modern equivalent...five-ten? Five-eleven?”

“Really? You don’t say.” Obi cuts his smile toward Zen. “And just how tall are you, Your Highness?”

Shirayuki winces at the flush climbing Zen’s neck; if they’d been outside, she’d have suggested some aloe vera before the burn blistered. As it is...

Zen’s fingers crumple the edge of his sheet. “Arturius is six-one.”

Obi hums. “How interesting.”

It is a fine day at Laxdo; this autumn may still have a bite, but it’s crisp, refreshing after so many days in the confines of the great hall. A great hall that is now transformed, tables and benches populating it instead of the sick. Most of the afflicted now hobble about the grounds, slow and unsteady, but healing; the few still confined to their sickbeds are only the elderly and previously infirm, and your attentions are a boon to them still.

The manifest is in your hand now, the last few names in your care curling across the page. It is those men on your mind now as you sweep through Laxdo’s bright corridors, striding through the tiger stripes the sun leaves across the rushes. Your burden is light now that the castle’s healer is back on his feet, able to help with potions and poultices and whatever else you are able to fashion to ease the weakness in your patients, but logistics are ever the enemy. Supplies were depleted before you arrived and have only been brought lower. Winter is just around the corner, and--

Steel rings through the stone. Metal on metal-- blades meeting. Out in the courtyard.

Your heart flutters wildly in your chest, and your pace hurries to match it. Surely, surely it cannot be an attack; not now, when Laxdo is but a shade of its former glory.

The certainty of pragmatism grips you, your stomach roiling in its clutches. But of course it must be. What lord could suffer the sweet temptation of a neighbor brought low? It would be nothing to sweep in here and take the manor for a second son, something to placate him, to keep him complacent for another dozen years.

You steel yourself, wishing you had more than the bare pouch of herbs and water skein you carry on you, and step into the blinding light of the arcade--

Only to see a crowd of men gathered in the yard, conspicuously not fighting. Oh no, they are cheering instead.

Your mouth pulls thin, and ah, fortune favors you, for the crowd parts just so, and there are two of your recently healed patients, bare steel in hand, fighting each other in the yard.

Violence is not in your nature, but oh, you are contemplating a change of philosophy.

“Lady Lynet.”

You should startle; time and experience have taught you to shy when approached from behind, but strangely...you do not. Shuuka comes to stand beside you, a respectful distance as is due to your station, but closer than you have been used to these last few months, and it is-- easy. Familiar.

The lord of Laxdo has certainly seen better days; his shoulders stoop as if he expects to be smaller, and the circles beneath his eyes are quite deep still, but-- he smiles, and it is easy to see that time will heal his ills, even these.

“Shuuka,” you murmur in greeting, leaning against one of the arcade’s columns. “It is good to see you on your feet.”

“It is good to be on them,” he assures you with a laugh that brightens the day around you. “I see you are taking in this fine weather.”

“I am. And so are you men, it seems,” you add, wry. “Whether or not I told them to.”

“I know you told them to rest,” he says, lips struggling to rein in his smile, “but it has been a long season for my men. To be outside after such a long sickness, to be moving as one ought--” the longing on his face is plain to see and painful to witness-- “perhaps you might allow them this. Just this once.”

You watch the men dance around each other in the ring, laughing and shouting, breathless from both, and let your jaw ease. “Just this once.”

Shuuka smiles, a bright, earnest thing, and it is so hard to reconcile him to the boy you knew all those years ago. The small lord’s son who viewed the whole world through a veil of tears. He’s grown up better than you could have ever hoped.

He leans on the pillar across from yours, eyeing you with an eager sort of wariness. “I have set the night of the banquet.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.” His skitters away, back toward his men. “Tonight. If-- if you allow it.”

“Oh!” You had not-- this was not-- you are not even prepared--

“Hey, you!”

You both jump, heads swinging to where Arturius storms across the yard, looking as unrelenting as winter itself. “You and I must have words, Lord Shuuka!” He glances at you, mouth pulled thin. “Privately.”

Shirayuki considers herself well read.

An understatement, actually; a well-crafted cover for the amount of hours she’d spent curled up in the B&B’s window, devouring books Jaja bought by the box at a yard sale, or the amount she could carry in her arms from the library.

(The maximum was supposed to be five at any one time, but during on particularly slow summer in middle school, the librarian had made a special “all you can carry” policy, applied solely to Shirayuki. It had turned her daily trips into weekly ones, and saved her from slowing her pace to a crawl Saturday nights, so that she could have something to read on Sunday)

She doesn’t have a favorite book-- just thinking about culling the list to top ten makes her break out into a cold sweat, let alone one-- but she has formative ones. Ones that became annual re-reads or just stuck with her, claiming a stake in the back of her mind, ready to whisper the words she needs when she wants a laugh, or the rest of the world gets too hard to handle.

So it’s no surprise when she looks at Obi, his grin stretching impossibly, gleefully wide, and thinks Cheshire Cat. It only makes sense, since she’s fallen down the rabbit hole.

“Well now,” he drawls, far too pleased. “I think we all saw this coming.”

Kiki arches a brow. “What? Because you goaded him into it?”

“Princess,” he gasps, hand pressed against his chest. “Would I purposefully rile up the Prince of all the Briton and the Angles?”

“Absolutely.”

His retort is lost, cut off by the heavy tread of Zen clomping down the stairs. If Shirayuki thought some hallway time might help him cool off, well-- that notion is instantly disabused when he turns the corner on the landing. If anything, he’s more agitated, neck flushed and mouth flat, slouching over to his seat like he’s asking for someone to start a fight.

Izana is not much better, even if his annoyance is more subtle. He settles into his chair with lips pressed thin, the corners of his eyes crinkled in a way that does not suggest good humor.

“Now if no one else has any more business,” he says, voice a trembling thread of his patience, “I think we can skip right to the feast.”

Shirayuki shifts, biting her cheek. It’s not important, it really isn’t but still-- “Um...”

Izana peers up from his notes, brows raised with a shocking lack of sarcasm. “Did you want to do something, Shirayuki?”

“Oh, no, I just, um...” She rolls a corner of Lynet’s sheet, tight and neat under her stubby fingernail. “I just wanted a...clarification?”

He blinks, flipping a hand out in encouragement. “Go on...?”

“It’s only, ah....” It’s silly, she knows that, but she’s already started asking. “Is this an...informal feast?”

Izana’s mouth parts, just slightly. “I’m...sorry?”

“I thought I would ask since Lynet didn’t exactly pack her, um, fanciest gowns.” Her cheeks flare with heat, and ugh, she really just should have let the chips fall as they may on this one. At least if the stares she’s getting from the rest of the table are any indication. “She was traveling light.”

“I...” His mouth opens once, then shuts. Opens again, brows furrowed. “Lord Shuuka has seen fit to outfit you all accordingly if you did not have appropriate clothing for the evening.”

She means to thank him, maybe even ask what might qualify as proper dress for a celebration such as this, but--

“So what you’re saying,” Obi interjects, grin slanted and sly, “is that Beaumain’s got some sick new threads.”

Regret etches itself on every plane of Izana’s face. “...Yes. I suppose.”

“Ha.” Obi leans back, eyes tracing a searing trail up her from heels to hairline. “Then yeah, I got something I want to do before this shindig.”

Had the Lord Himself but asked you if there were women in Laxdo, you would have sworn upon the grave of your mother that you and Morgaine were the only two. Surely you had treated none when the castle was under its curse. But when you attempt to beg off the feast, explaining that you are not properly clad for such a celebration--

Well, Shuuka finds you a gown easily enough. Your fingers linger over the remarkable wool, woven thin and tight, dyed a rich indigo. Woad, you think, though your own forays with it never yielded a color so impressive. The linen kirtle is the same, so light it might as well be air, and oh, you may be born a lady, but never did the Castle Perilous have such luxury.

A knock lands lightly upon your door, a quick little ditty sketched on oak. You’ve heard it before, though you can’t remember the words, or even the tune, just the beat. Ba-ba-bum. Bum-bum. A song from a better time.

You shake yourself. Song it may be, but a summons it is still. And you are the one who must answer it.

The door is heavy beneath your hands, but you coax it open with little effort. Behind it is the evening’s shadows, thick in the growing dim, and the gold that shines from them.

“Ah Beaumains,” you murmur as his outline resolves into a man, one dressed as fine as you. His colors are more subdued, the black of the shadows and the deep blues of his skin, humbler than any words that have passed his lips. “I was not expecting that you would, um...?”

“I am your escort, my lady.” He bows over his arm, a gallant. His pose gives the distinct impression of mocking Bedwyr, though the man himself is not in evidence. “What sort of shield would I be if I let you walk into the fray alone?”

“Ah...” You stare at his sleeve as he holds it out to you, hesitant. “I suppose that would be...unseemly, yes.”

“And I, the height of propriety.” His teeth flash like a knife’s edge as you slip your hand around his elbow. “Lucky, too.”

Your brows raise. “Oh?”

“Of course.” He shrugs; every inch a siege. “I get to see how nice you look before everyone else.”

“Hey!” Zen directs the brunt of his scowl toward Izana, though the angle of his glare is easily wide enough to include Obi. “Why is Beaumains getting this scene?”

“This scene?” Izana drawls, utterly mild. “Do you mean the conversation he just had with Lynet in her chambers?”

“Yes!” Zen’s jaw sets into an ill-tempered jut. “If anyone, Arturius--”

“You mean the scene wherein Beaumains takes the opportunity afforded by his current occupation to further their flirtation,” Izana continues, “the flirtation in which both players have built upon from their character introductions?”

A flush licks flames up her jaw, threatening to blaze across her cheeks. It’s one thing for it to happen, it’s another thing for everyone to just talk about it.

“...Yes.”

Izana raises a brow. “Because he asked.”

And it’s a whole other thing to do it like she wasn’t even here.

“Well, I want one too!” Zen pushes, hands gripping at the table. “Arturius--”

“Is missing the point that the DM is making,” Kiki supplies, deadpan. “Which is that Lynet is also choosing to have this scene too.”

Zen sputters, red-faced. “I know that! Shirayuki wouldn’t have any problem if Arturius wanted to--”

“Arturius is having a very long, very pointed heart-to-heart with the lord of Laxdo,” Izana reminds him. “Or have you forgotten?”

“Well, it’s not like that took all day!” he protests. “I have time to do both.”

Izana pinches the bridge of his nose, letting a long, noise breath out. “The next half hour is not going to be all and sundry complimenting Lynet on her sartorial choices.”

“It’s not everyone, just Artur--”

“Why not?” Kiki tilts back her chair, wedging her knees against the table. “Morgaine wants to tell her she’s beautiful too. How about Bedwyr?”

Mitsuhide stares at her, slack-jawed, before darting a worried look toward Iana. “W-well,” he says finally, with a hard swallow, “he certainly wouldn’t be able to disagree.”

Izana stares at Kiki, nonplussed. “Well then,” he drawls, mouth settling into a disconcerting smile. “What do you think, Shirayuki?”

She’s already pink, but with everyone’s eyes on her, her skin burns to a painful red. “M-me?”

“Shall we allow Arturius--” he darts a quelling glance at Kiki-- “et al to have their moment with Lynet, or shall we press on to the feast?”

Zen smiles at her, so kind and warm, just like he did that first day at school, and she-- she wishes that this wasn’t up to her. It’s not as if she minds the compliments-- fictional as they are-- but Beamains’ had been spontaneous, inspired by the moment, and this--

--Zen settles back, his smile curling smugly at the corners. His gaze is no longer on her, oh no, it’s on Obi, the challenge written clear in his eyes--

--has nothing to do with the game, and everything to do with the people playing it.

“I think,” she begins without a tremor in her voice, “I’m fine with moving on.”

Zen’s jaw drops. “What?”

“You heard the lady.” Izana lips twitch behind his paper screen. “She is content with only Beaumains’ love making.”

Shirayuki jolts. “That’s not what I sa--”

“Anyway,” he continues, ignoring his brother’s glare and Obi’s grins in response, “it’s the feast now.”

This is no longer the great hall you remember.

Or perhaps it is if you search your earliest memories; if you allow yourself to remember being seated upon the dais, a cushion placed beneath you so that you might reach the table and impress the court with your grace. You did not-- you sister would have, were she allowed, but it was you who would be sent to marry at Laxdo, not her, practically an infant still. It was no disaster; it was not your beauty that had brought the lord of Laxdo to break bread with your father.

“Lady Lynet!” Shuuka rises on the dais, holding up a hand. “Please, come here!”

It is perhaps a different tale now.

Still, this no longer resembles the hall in which you have been toiling in these long weeks. That was a dark, stifling place, the miasma of curse and compulsion lingering for days after you had dispelled them. But this--

This is a new country entirely. Candles twinkle in their holder overhead, the ceilings so high they seem as distant as the stars themselves. Bodies no longer line the hall but instead pack benches, the men dressed bright and boisterous, ale already flowing from their cups.

“Surveying your domain?”

You blink, eyes blurring as they settle on the shadow beside you. His teeth flash white against the indigo of his lips, too amused. “N-no! I was only thinking of how changed this place is. Only days ago man laid head to toe, and now...”

He tilts his heads, horns glimmering in the candlelight. “Now they are all hidden away, and we play at heroes.”

It is only the rough wool beneath your fingers, wrapped around the hard curve of his shoulder, that tells you once again you have acted without thinking. You cheeks burn as you pull away-- to think, you raised a hand to him as if he were one of the tenants’ children chasing you around the courtyard, as if you had known him all your life.

“Oh, my lady,” he clucks. “How rough you are with your servant--”

“You were unkind,” you murmur heatedly. “There are few enough that are still ailing, and they would be better served in their rooms. There is no harm in Laxdo’s lord wanting to celebrate their good fortune.”

“Mayhaps.” His nose wrinkles. “A little ridiculous, you must admit.”

You snorts, unladylike. “Says the one who polished his horns.”

Ah, now the shoe is on the other foot. His gaze is quick to drop from yours, expression rumpled with annoyance. Beaumains may be eager to ridicule the pageantry of the nobles, but he enjoys it as well.

“Come on then.” His arm tugs at yours, not gentle. “Let’s see what your skill has won you, my lady.”

You sputter, feet stumbling as you attempt to keep pace. “As I said, I am not--”

“Ah.” Beaumains mouth curves slyly, eyeing the tables he leads you past. “You may not be taking their measure, but it seems tonight they will take yours.”

It is only his words that make you notice; conversations quiet as you pass, the men’s eyes following you not with hunger, but with curiosity. For the first time, you prefer the former more than the latter.

“I cannot see why.” You take pains to place your feet more carefully, to strive for that ladylike bearing your sister achieves so easily. “They know me already.”

“But tonight is different.” He nods to the empty place beside Shuuka. You stomach drops when you see it is to his right. “Tonight they find out if you fit into the lady’s seat.”

You gut clenches. You did not come so far for this to dog your heels once again. “That-- that cannot be. I have been clear--”

“Lady Lynet!” Shuuka waves again, though more subtly. No need for grand gestures when you are already so close. “Come, take your place by me.”

Beaumains’ brows raise. “Are you sure?”

You thought you were, but the smile the lord gives you as you approach gives you doubts. Beaumains pulls out your chair, chin tucked respectfully, but you do not miss his amused smirk or his knowing look. Fine. He may think what he likes but this is not-- not that. Your betrothal is long in the past for both you and Laxdo’s lord.

“My women did well,” Shuuka tells you, friendly and bright, no hint of romance. “You look radiant, my lady.”

Well...not much of one, at least. “They have my thanks,” you reply, “I truly had nothing for a feast such as this.”

His smile widens, and it does him credit that he keeps it as he turns to Beaumains. “Thank you as well, for escorting my lady.”

To his other side, Arturius scowls, glaring as your shadow performs a polite bow, no respect spared. The same he categorically refused to show the prince. “My pleasure, your lordship.”

“You honor us with your actions, Sir Beaumains.” Shuuka gestured past her, hand open in generosity. “Please, take the seat next to the Lady Lynet, I--”

A chair scrapes across the dais, and Arturius stands, as thunderous as any storm. “That man is no sir.”

The room is so quiet it practically has its own crickets. Or at least it would, if the atmosphere hadn’t suffocated them all. Shirayuki has admit, she’s feeling a little stifled herself

Mitsuhide shifts, chair creaking, mouth grim. “Zen...”

“No,” he snaps, still on his feet, red-faced and tense as he squares off with his brother. “It’s ridiculous! He’s a commoner.”

Izana peers up from his notes, raising a mild brow. “Is this really something you think is appropriate to pursue right now?”

Speaking fluent teacher like she does, Shirayuki hears the warning loud and clear: back down. But of course, Zen doesn’t.

“Beaumains doesn’t belong on the dais,” he reasons angrily. “He should be down at the tables with the vassals and retainers.”

Izana’s expression doesn’t betray a single thought, smooth as still water. “I must concede the point, technically, but as he is a member of your party, it would make sense if--”

Zen barks out a laugh. “Oh, you’re such a stickler for accuracy, but now you’re going to break a simple rule of hospitality--”

“It’s for ease of play--”

“It’s meta gaming.”

If she’d thought the room was quiet before, she’s disabused of the notion now. All motion has ceased; even Kiki holds her breath, eyes fixed on Izana who-- who--

Stands. Or rather, unfurls; every inch is a journey as his long limbs draw straight. It’s hard to remember when Mitsuhide can hardly fit both his thighs on a dining chair, but Izana is tall, a good ten inches above her perfectly respectable 5′4. He uses every bit of that to his advantage as he looms over his brother, eyes cool and steady. “I think--”

“It’s fine.”

Obi lounges in his chair, ankle cross over knee without a care in the word. Big Dick Energy, Kihal would tell her, and wow, she really does not need to be thinking about that right now, in the middle of all this.

His lips slowly spread into a grin that does not help her brain stay on the straight and narrow, not one little bit. “Beaumains can sit among the masses.”

“Obi...” His head swivels to her, and oh, she really hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but-- it’s too late to turn back now. “You don’t need to--”

“Nah, nah, it’s no big deal,” he laughs, waving her off. “Let’s be real, given a choice between being in the box seats or getting trashed with the smallfolk, we all know which one he’d pick.”

Izana frowns, brow knitting. “As much as I appreciate your rationality in the face of the irrational, Obi, it isn’t necessary. It makes more narrative sense for Beaumains to be treated the same as the rest of the party--”

“Seriously, don’t worry about it, boss man. I can tank a hit for historical accuracy.” His gaze cuts to Zen. “In our fantasy roleplaying game where I play a demon and half the party does magic.”

Zen has the grace to look abashed, at least.

Izana lowers himself back into his chair, mouth set in faint disapproval. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah, no prob.” Obi grins, sending her stomach into a tailspin. “Don’t worry, my lady, Beaumains knows how to keep himself entertained.”

You may sit at the lord of Laxdo’s right hand, but it is Morgaine who sits at yours, as radiant as any song. By all rights, she should be in your place; base-born she may be, but king’s daughter outranks a count’s, even born on the wrong side of the sheets. Still, she makes no protest when she takes her seat, only curling her lips in one of her mysterious smiles.

Shuuka is an attentive host, selecting the choicest cuts from the trays and laying them upon your plate. He chooses well for you, each morsel a delightful burst of flavor upon your tongue, but still--

Beaumains’ teasing spoils your every bite. It does not escape you that your host is not paying Arturius the same diligent attention but-- one does not feed a king. Or, rather, a prince. And you, well-- you would be the first to say that the curse was ended by the efforts of your whole party, but you know the men of Laxdo hold a different opinion.

(And for that matter, so does Beaumains, which he shares loudly and without prompting whenever possible, much to Arturius’ ire. It is flattering, but oh, you would much rather not be a needle used to provoke, no matter who holds it)

It is kind of Shuuka to pay you such an honor, but still, it leaves you feeling awkward, as if you were born with two left hands. You cast helpless looks to your right, but Morgaine only replies with sly smiles, ones that make your skin itch with expectation.

With no safe place to look on the dais, your gaze fans out over the press below. Lady you may be, but it’s the benches you are used to; your father had never stood much on ceremony, preferring to eat and be merry among his men, rather than make himself a proper lord. Even now you long to be among them; the talk may be bawdy and the drink more sour, but you would not suffer so many eyes upon you, measuring the curve of you breast and speculating on the red of your hair.

You do not look long before your eye catches on midnight blue and glistening horns; even dressed as a shadow, Beaumains is hard to miss among the lord’s men. He laughs, tossing his head back, hand pressed to his belly-- a truer one on him than any you have seen. To think, you had pitied him when Shuuka did not tender an invitation to the dais, but now--

Well, he’s certainly enjoying himself more than you are.

A sharp prod to your ribs sets you upright, your mind snapping back to the present, reminding you sharply that you are being watched and weighed by the same men you long to join. Morgaine pulls back her elbow, sending a pointed look over your shoulder. To Shuuka.

Shuuka, who is staring at you expectantly. Shuuka, who has almost certainly asked you a question that you did not hear.

Morgaine reaches for the wine pitcher, bumping your shoulder. “He’s asking if all this is to you liking.”

“Oh!” You stitch a smile to you face. “Yes. The fest is, ah...lovely. You do me a great honor. Ah, us a great honor.”

His own smile widens, sore pleased. “I am glad to hear it, Lady Lynet. It was my greatest hope that you would find Laxdo pleasing.”

You nod, awkward, before turning back to your meal. It is hardly touched, only a single bite from each dish, and you suffer a pang of chagrin to think you have so obviously ignored his generosity-- save that you notice everyone else’s plate remains untouched as well.

Shuuka’s chair scrapes across the dais as he stands, holding his arms wide. “Before we partake of this feast--”

Oh, Lord in Heaven, the blessing. You had forgotten it entirely. Your gaze darts guiltily across the table, trying to see whether the lord’s chaplain has caught your petty sin, but the only man of the cloth at the table is Bedwyr.

“--We must all give thanks to Our Lord in heaven, from whom all our bounty flows.”

A murmur of agreement shuffles out from the men at the tables, heads bowed with lips mouthing an impassioned amen--

Ah, right. Bowed heads. What she should be doing now, in this place of honor.

“I would be remiss if I also did not offer our gratitude to the Lady Lynet.” Your head snaps up, gaze tangling helplessly with his. “If it was not for her cleverness and diligence, not a single man would be standing here today.”

This is-- this is not the toast you thought he would make, not when he spoke of the feast this morning. Not when he had told you it would be in honor of those who saved Laxdo.

“We are blessed that the angels guided her back to us after so many years away,” he continues, every word adding to the pit of dread growing in your belly. “It can only be the provenance of Our Heavenly Father that she has returned, and in returning, removed the blight from our land. I would be turning my back upon God Himself and all His angels if I did not receive what blessing he has given us.”

You heart pounds loudly in your chest, rattling the drums of war. You had been so clear. You had said--

Not enough. Nothing short of an explicit refusal ever stuck in a man’s ear. you know this all too well.

It galls you that Beaumains knew it better.

“My father has passed, but his will has always been my guide.” Shuuka showers praises down on you, oblivious to how you wither beneath it. “It had been his wish to seen our houses joined, along with your father’s, my lady. I am eager to tread the path they left for us.”

You want to protest, you mean to protest. But all of the eyes of Laxdo are upon you, and-- and your hands clench helplessly in your skirt. For a man to be refused after such a speech, after such feeling, in front of all his men--

It would be kinder to leave a blade in him. At least that he might recover from.

Your gaze swivels to your left, to your right, but Arturius sits, stunned, and his sister is much the same. The moment for an objection has passed for them, for all those who sit on this dais, but on the floor--

You cast your gaze out, searching, hoping, but--

Beaumains is not among the tables, not anymore.

The chair squeals across the floorboards as Izana stands, smoothing down his pants.

“Wha-- where are you going?” Zen stares at him, jaw slack. “We’re in the middle of a feast. This jerk just proposed!”

Izana flips his phone, screen out, and there is Obi’s name, right at the top of his messages. hey boss can b get himself some quality hallway time

It buzzes, followed up by a long string of hot lips emojis, double hearts, and what looks like an eggplant..

“Well,” Kiki drawls, “now I know too much.”

Izana glances at his screen before swinging to glare at Obi. “Really?”

He shrugs, gleefully pocketing his cellphone. “Hey, you set it up. I just took the shot.”

“Well, I suppose I can’t argue that.” Izana sighs, gathering up his dice. “Give us a moment.”

“Don’t rush on our account,” Kiki hums, mouth twitching at a corner.

Izana groans, shaking his head. “At least pretend you’re going to behave.”