#they did so much for my queer awakening let me tell you so much

[gentil-minou]

I wanna ask the wlw wangxian girlies what we think about height differences with our lesbians 👉🏽👈🏽

because it's 2 am and I can't stop thinking about short girl Wei Ying who's short and spry and a star on the wrestling team with tall girl Lan Zhan who's on the women's volleyball team and wears the tiniest short shorts to practice that leaves an expanse of skin that makes Wei Ying go absolutely nuts because is she really allowed to see all this in the cafeteria everyday??

Anyways, I just like the thought of Wei Ying being like 5 foot 2 and the perfect height to smother herself in Lan Zhan's chest and just running over to her after another grueling practice and crashing into her for a much needed hug and getting a face full of lovely sweat boobehs

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

ICYMI: There are so many Japanese qls airing weekly, so I’m going to start posting this little round up at the end of each week. Most of these shows are on Gaga and I highly recommend watching!

Chaser Game W

We've reached the stage with this one where I'm just gonna say we should keep watching for the ratings and enjoy the pretty gifs.

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna 2

I got to watch episodes 5-8 of the new season this week, and I promptly lost my mind over how good this show is. It somehow got even better between seasons; the creators have some things to say about the experiences of women under heterosexual patriarchy. I already wrote about Kasuga's family trauma storyline and how much it meant to me, but these episodes also gave us Nomoto's ongoing queer awakening and journey to define her sexuality, the introduction of a new queer bestie in Yako, a better understanding of Nagumo and the careful and steady deepening of her relationship with the gals, a new confidant for Kasgua in Fujita, and Nomoto and Kasuga inching ever closer to defining what they are to each other. The world of the show and the support network around our leads continues to expand, and I am loving every moment. This drama is excellent and I cannot implore you enough to go to @furritsubs and catch up.

My Strawberry Film

Kicking off the last Drama Shower show of the season! This is a high school story featuring a classic trio—the Pining Gay, the Chaos Bisexual, and the Budding Lesbian. Obviously, I love them. I like the mood of this one—it's quite a tonal shift from the last show in this series—and the color grading is blue, blue, blue. And there's a mystery afoot as they try to track down the beautiful girl captured on film. Looking forward to more!

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka

I continue to love this show, though I am not entirely sure how I feel about the turn things took with Mizuki this week. I did not really want this to go the full blown love triangle route; I am more interested in a version of this story where Sakae and Soga try to figure out these adult complications from the foundation of being in a relationship, not with the constant interference of a third party. So few dramas are willing to get the couple together early and let them face things together rather than constantly playing the will they, won't they game, and I was hoping Sukidoya was going to be one of them. That said, I like that Mizuki is sticking around in the story because he's an interesting character, and I like the conflict with Soga's job (we have a preponderance of Japanese shows about unreasonable work conditions airing atm) and the temporary nature of his time in Osaka. That he's worried about eventually leaving tells you all you need to know about how much he likes and respects Sakae. If he felt casual about him he would not be worried about complications that far down the timeline. Let's see where they take this love triangle thing next week; I'm hoping it will be brief.

Perfect Propose

Great episode this week, and I love the way they continue to deepen the backstory for these two. Hiro being the first person to need Kai rather than pity him makes so much sense for their dynamic and why Kai would be so attached to him. And of course, when Kai returns the situation is the same; Hiro definitely still needs him. I love that they took a source of shame for Hiro and turned it into a reason why he and Kai are so compatible. Kai wants to take care of him—and he's not the only one! Loved seeing Hiro's coworkers express concern for his well-being and recognize how this job is grinding him down and breaking his spirit. It was so validating to hear from another high performer that the job is miserable and he should quit. It has nothing to do with failure; as Kaneko said, it's about seeking the life he truly wants. He sees Hiro's talent and knows he will not be able to flourish in this hellish work environment, and I thought it was so kind and compassionate of him to try to help Hiro see that. Also shoutout to Hiyori for sitting her ass back down and missing the last train when she realized prime gossip was about to arrive to her table, she's just like me fr.

Ossan's Love Returns

We are clearly in the drama spiral for the season now, and this show seems to be coming for my beloved Kurosawa. Thanks, I hate it! But the show found its humor again this week even as the sad plotlines for the side characters continued, and I was very happy to see it back in top form. I loved this story with Maki and Haruta caring for Goro for the week, and how it affirmed for them that they are actually not interested in having children. I told @bengiyo and @twig-tea when we saw last week's preview that Maki seemed like the type who wouldn't like children, and I was glad to see that affirmed by the show, and crucially, that he didn't change his mind via the power of Goro's cuteness. Not all people want to be parents, and it's so nice and refreshing to see a loving couple decide they just want to focus on each other, and that you can like kids and spend time with them without needing to have one of your own. I loved, too, that we got some focus on Chizu's struggles as a single mom, and her family rallied around her and made it clear she has support. Takegawa's sudden not-at-all-selfishly-motivated interest in polyamory was hilarious, as was Chief's journey to figure out what was causing his stress—until it wasn't, of course. I was glad Chuoko was with him when he got the news. And I am really hoping that rooftop kiss was Kiku's goodbye, and we will be seeing him move on from Izumi soon.

Bonus: Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai 

Shoutout to @my-rose-tinted-glasses for giffing this show and reminding me I still hadn't seen it! It was not accessible to me back when it came out and it fell off my radar for awhile. I watched today and thought it was just delightful. A short, sweet, warm hug of a friends to lovers high school bl with two very lovable leads. I highly recommend checking it out.

[dragonydreams]

No Crisis, Only Calm (Redux) - Buck & May

Title: No Crisis, Only Calm (Redux) Fandom: 9-1-1 Rating: General Audience Pairings/Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley & May Grant Tags: mentions Evan "Buck" Buckley/Tommy Kinard, Coming Out, TV show recs, pseudo sibling bonding Summary: May shares with Buck the magic of Heartstopper after Buck tells her about his date with Tommy. Timeline: post 7x05 Word Count: 1,633 Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over these characters. I am merely borrowing them from Reamworks, Brad Falchuk Teley-Vision, Ryan Murphy Television, and 20th Century Fox Television. Betas: Thank you to @medieshanachie for looking this over for me. Author's Note: This idea popped into my head after seeing an article about Heartstopper S3.

Author's Note 2: I wasn't satisfied with the first version of this story so I reformatted it and expanded it. I'm much happier with this now and hope you enjoy it too.

Read on AO3

Are you on shift?

The text popped up on Buck's phone and he couldn't help smiling at it. He didn't hear from May as much since she'd started college, but she has been checking in more since the lightning.

Not today, Buck responded. What's up?

His phone lit up with May's face as he was alerted that he had an incoming video call. He immediately accepted. 

"Why were you being weird Saturday night?" May asked before he could even say hello.

Buck did a wonderful impression of a fish as he stared wide-eyed at May. He nervously licked his lips before he asked, "What do you know about Saturday night?"

"Eddie texted me to ask if I knew why you were acting weird."

"Why would he ask you that?"

"That's what I said!" May exclaimed. 

"And it took you a week to follow up with me?"

May rolled her eyes. "I had classes.  And study groups. And homework. So much homework."

"Well, Eddie and I have talked since then and he now knows why I was acting weird," Buck said, hoping to end this conversation. It wasn't that he didn't want May to know about Tommy. He actually kinda wanted to shout from the roof to tell everyone about him.

"...and?" she prompted. 

Buck took a moment to decide if he wanted to tell her. He hadn't told Bobby yet, but he could trust May not to gossip. If he asked her not to, at least.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before answering. "When I saw Eddie, I was on a date. With a man. But I was caught off guard and reacted badly."

"Since when do you date men?" May asked. 

"Since Saturday," Buck said, wincing slightly.

"OMG, was he your bi-awakening?" May squealed, excitedly.

"I suppose you could call it that," Buck admitted. "He kissed me the Thursday before our date and it felt like the whole world came into focus." He could feel himself grinning like an idiot as he remembered the kiss.

"How far down the research hole did you fall after?" 

"Not very, if you can believe it."

"I'm having trouble believing that," May teased.

"I know, it's very not me. Then again, so is being into men." He paused to think about what he'd just said. "Although, I guess that is me, now."

While he'd been speaking, May was obviously looking something up on her phone. 

"In that case, go watch this," a text with a link popped up for a trailer, "and then call me back."

Buck clicked on the link after May hung up on him and watched the clip about two teenage boys in England falling for each other - one was gay and the other was bi. Apparently it was based on a graphic novel. 

As soon as Buck finished watching he called May back. "How did I not know about this?"

"Because you weren't seeking out queer YA shows?" May suggested. "But you should watch. The episodes are only like half an hour each."

"I guess I know how I'm spending the rest of my day."

Buck watched May look away briefly and bit her lip before meeting his eyes again. "Want some company while you watch?"

Buck blinked back the sudden moisture in his eyes. 

"Yeah, I think I'd like that."

"I can be there in an hour. With ice cream," she said.

"I'll be here."

"I'll see you soon," May said before ending the call.

Buck stared at the phone for a minute, moved by May's offer to share this show, which she obviously enjoyed, with him.

~~*~~

Buck was sitting at the kitchen table when there was a knock on the door 58 minutes after he'd hung up with May. Now that May was going to introduce him to this show about a bi-awakening, as she'd called it, he was curious about what else was out there. 

He'd found the expected "Could I be gay?" quizzes, but he already knew the answer to that question. He still loved women, but he was also definitely attracted to men. Which made him bisexual, or pan, but he thought bisexual was the right word for him.

He went to open the door and May was grinning at him as she held up the bag with ice cream in it. 

"You know, I don't think I've ever actually been here before," May said as Buck held the door open for her. "This is nice."

Buck blinked as he closed the door and realized that she was right. "Well then, it's about time. It's a loft so the tour will be quick. This is the kitchen, bathroom is over there," he pointed to a closed door next to the stairs, "bedroom is in the loft, and living room is this way." He led her through to the room in question.

May took the ice cream out of the bag and noticed that Buck had already set out a couple of spoons and glasses of water. The show was pulled up on the TV, just waiting for them.

As she made herself at home on the couch with one of the pints of ice cream, May said, "So, tell me more about this guy that turned your world upside down."

Buck felt his cheeks heating up as he settled next to her with the other pint. "Well, Tommy's a firefighter with Harbor. A pilot. He's actually the one that flew us to rescue your mom and Bobby."

"Hold up," May said, sitting up from her slouch and holding out her hand. "You don't mean Tommy Kinard?" 

"Uh, yeah," Buck confirmed. 

"Damn, Buckley. He's fine," May said. "I mean, he's old enough to be my dad, but damn."

Buck felt his face flush again as he couldn't help but agree. "Yeah, he is." 

"So how did you go from him helping to rescue Mom and Bobby to him kissing you?" May asked as she settled back.

"Well, uh, I guess both Eddie and I wanted to get to know Tommy better after he helped with the rescue. Those two started spending a lot of time together and I guess I got kinda jealous. Like Eddie was replacing me? But also because he was spending all this time with Tommy. Things got a little out of hand at this pickup basketball game and I got Eddie hurt. Later that night Tommy came over to tell me that he wasn't trying to come between me and Eddie and I told him that I just really wanted to get to know him better. That trying to get his attention was exhausting and then he kissed me." 

Buck took a big bit of ice cream after he finished word vomiting all over May. 

"Wow," she said. "That was a lot."

"Oh, and after making sure I was okay with the kiss he asked me out for Saturday."

"And you didn't spiral after that kiss?" May asked. "That seems like something that would cause you to spiral."

"Yeah, I was kinda surprised about that myself," Buck admitted. "But it was more like a puzzle piece finally turning the right way to fit in a hole in a larger puzzle. Everything just felt right. Settled in a way that I've never been in my life before." 

"That sounds wonderful," May said, in awe.

"It is. Of course then Eddie and Marisol showed up at the restaurant Tommy took us to on Saturday and I was so surprised that I went all dudebro and told Eddie we were just two guys hanging out and were gonna go pick up some hot chicks later."

"You. Did. Not."

"Oh, I did. Tommy was not amused and instead of going to a movie after dinner he got an Uber home by himself. Just left me in front of the restaurant."

"Can't say I really blame him," May said. 

"Neither could I. But I told Eddie and he convinced me to call Tommy. Luckily he agreed to meet me for coffee and I invited him to be my date at Maddie's wedding."

May's eyes widened. "You're bringing him as your date to your sister's wedding? Way to come out to everyone at once."

Buck shrugged. "This is who I am. It shouldn't matter if I want to bring a man as my date instead of a woman. I'm happy and that's all that should matter. If anyone has a problem with that, that's on them, not me."

"I am loving this attitude," May said. "And you're right. It doesn't matter."

"Just, uh, I haven't told Bobby yet, so for now can you not say anything? I'd rather he find out with everyone else."

"Of course. So just me and Eddie know?"

"Maddie knows, too. It was kind of an accident, but she does know. I let the pronoun slip when I was talking about my interrupted date to her."

"How'd she take the news?"

"You know Maddie, she was totally supportive. Surprised, but supportive. Eddie, too."

"And now me," May said. "Thank you for sharing this with me."

"Thank you for sharing this," he gestured to the television, "with me."

"Is that your way of telling me you're talked out?" May teased.

"Yes, but I also want to see this show," Buck said.

"Then let's watch. It's been a while since I did a re-watch," May said. 

"How many times have you seen it?" Buck asked.

"A couple," May answered. "It's a really sweet story. Lots of good queer representation."

"Is this your way of trying to tell me something?" Buck tentatively asked.

"No, I just like watching all kinds of love stories, not just heterosexual ones," May said. "But thank you for asking."

"Anytime," Buck said. 

He grabbed the remote and hit play.

Link to trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrK4xPy4ahg

[autistichalsin]

Hello!! :D

Just popping in to say ILYSM (in that strange, mutuals on the internet sorta way) and that you have lots of fans who love your Halsin-posting. Your post notifications always brighten my day. ❤️

Idk why in the world you’ve got people investing their finite existence on this good Earth giving you grief. Some of your stuff might not be everyone’s cup of tea (pleasing everyone is an impossibility, after all), but it doesn’t even come close to the kinds of things my favourite hardcore/“problematic” (<= self-described, including the quotations, lmao!) Halsin/bg3 writers and artists post. And I don’t see anyone clutching their pearls in their comment sections.

Like, when I click on the profile of one of my favourite writers (which includes you! 🥰 But not this example, I love all your stuff!) and see that they’ve posted a story with a description like: “hardcore kinky stuff that you’re not into, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat”, I simply keep scrolling and maybe pick one of the hundreds to thousands of other bg3 stories I could choose from. But maybe that’s just me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(Ao3 has tag filtering, you guys, it’s amazing. Remember the fucking Dark Ages when Ao3 didn’t have that at all? How tf did we ever live like that? That’s the kind of shit you say Thanks for at family Thanksgiving. And don’t tell you guys haven’t figured out at least one of the dozens of ways to filter stuff out on godsdamn Tumblr of all places; we’ve been tweaking the etiquette of that for years!)

How utterly irrational it is for these people to look at such an openly Queer and Kinky video game — the likes of which I’ve never seen in the mainstream before (He-llo strategically advantageous BDSM scene! 🤤) — and decide that they’re going to go around policing how people iterate upon those pre-established themes. How did this fandom attract puritans of all people? [Insert “The Myth of ‘Consensual’ Sex” meme here.]

Any-hoosies, all this to say that your haters are a weird, vocal minority that are letting you live rent free in their heads, instead of doing something meaningful or joyful with their pathetic, puritanical existences. There are way more people who love the kind of meta and fics that you post.

Have a good day!! XOXO 🥰😘💋💖💛🫶🤙

Hello! Thank you so much- that means a lot to me. It's weird to think of myself having "fans" lol! Like you're not the first person to use that word but it's just. Such a weird (in a good way) concept for me???? Like!?!?!? But I'm so glad to hear you love my posts <3

Yeah, pleasing everyone is impossible, and it's weird that of all things, my extremely mild CNC kink fic has become the antis' boogeyman. Fam there is literal necrophilia kink in this fandom! (Not saying they deserve to be harassed either, of course, no one should be!) But the fic that has become the pinnacle of what's problematic in this fandom is a survivor writing about a fictional survivor using kink to reclaim their sexuality? Like. OK Jan

See, but that's the difference, you're a grown adult who takes responsibility for curating your experience, whereas others.... either don't, or they don't read it but act like the fic EXISTING is a problem. I guess some people are in for a rude awakening when they discover who the Marquis de Sade is......

God, remember BEFORE AO3? Remember FFN when half the time, the PAIRING wasn't even properly tagged bc you could only tag two characters at all, so people would by default just tag the most popular characters to appear in the story? And instead of tags, you had genres, so you had to decide if you wanted romance/hurt/comfort or friendship/tragedy or what? (I'm a certified Fandom Old- on my old account I was in the first 10,000 users on AO3).

Yeah, people really are missing the point of this game- and it's no coincidence most of these folks are younger. (And a lot are exclus too; I've seen them get angry at the BG3 characters being canonically pan, saying that "pansexuality is a made-up Tumblr sexuality). So... totally blind to the interwoven history of queerness and kink. Not surprising.

Thank you so much for this kind message, anon, you cheered me up a lot. <3 I hope you have a great day!

[dysfunctionallygrey]

Who the fuck was gonna tell me how gay all the units in pjsk are?!???

I got bored over the summer and decided to download pjsekai again (there's a story behind that but it's too long.) Before this, I knew like 3 things about it: 1. Its a rhythm game, 2. Also a gacha game 3. Emu Ootori. I haven't heard much of people talking about the story, but I did know a few ships (Ruikasa) and that a number of them would have queer ships. (what are you gonna do it's fandom)

I was not however, prepared for the sheer MAGNITUDE of ships and ship material.

Prepare for a long ass post underneath because if theres one thing I enjoy it's yappering. Also spoilers for a few main stories ig.

Jesus Christ what the hell miku why are you turning all the units gay.

I'm not much of a shipper but God, are homosexual tendencies like a requirement for a sekai?????? My god these bitches gay, good for them. And this is coming from someone who hasn't finished all the stories.

First of all More More Jump.

I'm not that big of a fan of Idol Groups but the Sapphic squad™ has really captured me.

I had to rub my eyes in disbelief for a moment everytime they interacted because

The MOMENT Shizuku and Airi walked in and opened their mouths my immediate reaction was: oh?

And then as the story went on i was like: Oh!

OH.

Suddenly my favorite Vocaloid song is Romeo and Cinderella.

THE WAY AIRI SAID HER NAME I CAN'T. THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER SM "You're my Idol." IS THAT SLANG FOR I WANNA GET MARRIED TO YOU AND RUN OFF TO THE COUNTRYSIDE WITH TWO CATS THESE TWO ARE KILLING ME.

I was rendered speechless.

The only consisyent thing to come out of my mouth was "Oh."

Oh spelled backwards is Ho which is one half of Homo therefore the other half is Minori and Haruka.

And dont let me get STARTED on them.

I ddid a quick deep dive into both Shizuairi and MinoHaru.

Let me just say that Haruka was probably Minori's awakening. Actually that is my hc now Haruka was Minori's awakening thank you all goodnight I will be expecting my Nobel Prize tomorrow.

There is so much ship material between these two it is actually insane, PLUS all their cards????

I saw some clips of some event stories and damn. I know these aren't meant to be ship fodder but it is so damn easy to put this stuff through a shipping lens.

Speaking of Len

Vivid BAD Squad???

Not a single het person in sight.

I already had the AnHane tag open on a separate tab halfway through but the way I JUMPED to open the AkiToya one and I hate to invoke the lord's name thrice but Jesus H. Christ what in the hell

I had to open my phone and text my friend if I just witnessed a gay divorce in front of my very own eyes and she confirmed.

I couldn't even make a "girls are fightinggh" joke because my mouth was AGAPE.

OPEN.

AJAR.

The fly nearby was too distracted to come into my mouth because of what it just witnessed.

And Toya's Backstory.

Their Bond???

THEIR RECONCILIATION?????

It only needed to be outside and raining and I would've been SOLD.

The music. The emotion. The words. Akito's speech. GOD. It legitimately made me tear up.

And that marks number 4. I'm not religious anymore but there's smth about these gays that make me start shaking aggressively as if ridden with rabies.

Anyways

This iis getting too long.

I was originally gonna write smth abt AnHane too but that took also a hell ton of words.

And of course I had a few words to say about everyone's favorite gay clowns and no I'm not talking about your friend group I'm talking about Wonderland x Showtime.

I have yet to finish the n25 story. But judging from the overall tone and the look I feel like it's smth I would love.

Insert sentence about Leo/Need here.

Jk I actually love those girls Saki is one of my favs and I am in LOVE with Shiho's cover of Lost ones Weeping.

Part 2 sometime in the future

[hausofmamadas]

MURDER HUSBANDS | Wind them up and watch them go (love letter to NBC’s Hannibal)

♫ To the tune of Climbing Up the Walls by Radiohead (with overture by Bruno Battisti D’Amario) ♫

✧

Wow

So I feel like I say this every time. But Mary mother of god, this was a behemoth. By a mile the hardest vid I’ve ever made joke’s on me bc I’m the fucking crackerjack who decided to tack on an whole ass other song as an overture bc why in the name of all cocks would I decide to make anything easy like it’s funny bc I always have an impression of how easy a vid is going to come together when I get the idea, right. And this duo with this song just pbj. So ngl I thought the shit was gonna edit itself. But guess what yall? Radiohead like … makes some intricate, complex-sounding shit stunning revelation, almost as if that’s what they’re fuckinfjsbs known for

HOWMEVER, the day has come, it’s arrived and I’ve looked at this thing for so long now, I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, cannot tell if it’s good anymore. My last vid, I took a long break so by the end, I had enough time away from it to remember it was at least good. This? This could be visual gobbledygook, mush for your eyes, the equivalent of that shit brown shade you get when you mix too many water colors together.

But likehopefully it’s not and you can pls enjoy this love letter to one of the greatestqueer romances in modern media, which is a bold statement whatever fight me but I can’t think of a queer ship before this in tv/movies where the romance unfolds like any other hetero relationship and queer identity isn’t the focus, which even though I think is important, lbr there’s more to gays than being gay. Like it’s kinda visionary, despite the fact that neither character is explicitly queer, when it becomes clear that they’re in love with each other, no one, in-universe, is pearl-clutching all: EGAD! But Will’s never been with 😱a man😱 before?? How in THE DICKENS could he be in love with Hannibal when I don’t have definitive proof he’s even touched tips with another man let alone been balls deep!!!!!!!! How dare he not have this big, gay awakening for us all to gawk at applaud for!!!!” ?

No, literally every character: Jack, Alana, Bedelia, Margot, Mason, even Will’s wife god bless I cannot remember her name but she deserved better *shakes fist at Will* etc., all acknowledge the transcendent romantic bond btwn them and no one questions it. Well, no one questions it thru the lens of performed queerness. Tbf ppl had a lotta questions about the like probable impending multiple murders which validsisjwh

These are just 2 ppl who’re in love with each other to the point of being uncontrollably homicidal Which like … goals? Like I’ve really wracked my brain and can’t think of another queership that unfolds like every other hetero ass love story. That is to say, where fluidity is more the default, at least to the extent that no one talks about the orientation of either players within the show’s universe. Regardless of whether Bryan Fuller intended that from the start which tbh I don’t think he did but I also don’t think it’s fair to call it queerbaiting. I think he let the story unfold and realized kinda with the rest of us that this was a magical!realism romance and not a crime procedural and by S3 leaned tf into it doesn’t really matter bc the universe in which these two exist to truss each other up like Christmas turkeys aka foreplay symbolizes so much more to me than whatever it was initially invented to be. And if it’s not art, folks, idk what is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ofc I mean the show is art, not the vid. Vid=potential gobbledygook

✧

✧

taglist: @tofuwildcard @narcolini @ashlingnarcos @drabbles-mc

[tommysparker]

one person asked me to share my thoughts on the Red White & Royal Blue movie and that’s all i need so here you go! spoilers below

Okay so let’s start with the things I did like:

Taylor and Nick had AMAZING chemistry. They did a fantastic job with what they were given and I can genuinely envision them as the book characters. All the cast did a great job.

The scene with Alex and Ellen was so heart touching. As a queer person who’s come out to their parent and not been accepted, I almost started bawling when I saw Ellen holding Alex on the couch and telling him how much she loves and accepts him. It was a beautiful thing to see and I’m so happy we have more of that kind of representation in media; a safe space to come out and be yourself. Also Ellen’s knowledge of all the different labels in the community and her saying “The B in LGBT isn’t silent” is super empowering.

On that note, Alex’s speech at the end about privacy and how it’s your choice to come out (if you want to come out). Again, a very important message for people to hear and understand. Seeing the effects of being outed hopefully will open people’s eyes and we’ll see less pressure for people to come out or label themselves. And also hopefully people will stop butting into celebs lives in general.

To end the short list of things I liked: the bit with the phone calls was done in a clever way. I thought it was pretty cool, although it felt too much like walmart Heartstopper.

Now, on to everything I didn’t like about this movie

The writing was SO. FREAKING. LAZY. 90% of the movie is exposition. All tell no show. They pretty much only payed attention to the sex scenes and even those weren’t very interesting.

THEY CUT SO MANY THINGS. When I heard they cut June and Rafael, I was disappointed but figured it was to save time and they’d combine their stories with Nora/Liam respectively (which is what I heard). To my absolute disappointment, neither was done and on top of that they introduced this new character named Miguel who is nothing more than a jealous ex hookup. Not only that, they erased Alex’s parent’s divorce and Henry’s mother, two very important parts of their character backstories.

Continuing on about things that were cut, pretty much any actual bonding time we see with Henry and Alex in the book was reduced to short one-minute scenes and cheap montages. Instead they were replaced with beats that were 15-seconds too long that were meant to say something but simply didn��t translate properly.

Also, they completely cut out Alex’s whole awakening and immediately jumped to him coming out to Henry when they meet up after their first kiss. I get it made for a cute little haha funny banter moment but COME ON. Part of Alex’s character arc is him coming to terms with who he is after denying it for so long, and seeing that process is so important to show for people who are doing the same.

The movie felt so fast paced. Every ten minutes a new important story beat happened without giving the audience any real time to process whatever happened before that. By the time they were in Paris I had no interest in them “making love” for the first time.

I’m gonna make an example of this before it stands out as the most annoying thing to me still. The museum scene is a masterpiece in the books but on the big screen it’s so…bad. Half of the scene was done in voiceover for no reason (once again going back to exposition) and the other half was so boring I could barely pay attention. And the “history, huh?” moment being a spoken thing between them, as opposed to through email like in the book’s completely erases the basis all of their supporters held onto in the books. All the signs, the t-shirts, the graffiti, the way they did it in the movie makes it so none of that could exist.

I really wish we saw Alex’s side of things when they got exposed, especially the way it effected his mother’s campaign. I wanted to see him he told he’s off the campaign and how badly it hurt him. Instead we got one scene of exposition and a single shot of him gushing abt Henry and saying he misses him.

From a cinematography perspective, there was some very pretty shots that were obviously made to turn into promo posters.

That’s pretty much all I got for now off the top of my head. I’ve been trying to cleanse my brain of the film for the past 4 hours lmao

If you have your own opinions, please share respectfully!! I want to hear what you liked or disliked about this.

[thrumbolt]

So, in November my girlfriend gifted my all the Dragon Age games because our DnD sessions were cancelled. 'Go date some elves there!' - and so I did. I went in completely blind, knew basically nothing about the series (except that you could date elves). So now, a month after finishing the last one, I feel my thoughts have rested enough to voice an opinion™. I'll drop my personal ratings here and elaborate under the cut.

Dragon Age: Origins 8/10

Dragon Age Awakening 6/10

Dragon Age 2 9/10

Dragon Age: Inquisition 4/10

Dragon Age: Trespasser 7/10

In short, I thought DA:O was pretty dope. Very solid adventure rpg fantasy dating sim. The characters are very fun and mostly lovable and the lore is interesting enough even if the art direction was pretty generic fantasy.

I was really surprised just how much they crammed into this game. The several different origins was a huge surprise and very nice incentive to replay the game, though so far I only played as a melf (mage elf). The storyline was engaging enough for me to follow and it makes you travel to all the different origin places, so everyone gets to connect with something in the main plot - smart!

I have to add however that I played as a male character - as I usually do - and I am very glad I did because despite the promise that men and women are equal (and the dominant religion being female centric) the writers did not really manage to capture that as it seems haha. I would've probably given the game a lower rating if I wouldn't have played as a dude as I'm a sensitive snowflake that way. And not even because of the rape as plot device or the brood mothers, but more the casual 'wow a woman with sword wow' stuff. I'll excuse it as 'it was a different time' kinda, but still would ruin my immersion.

Awakening I mention separately as it's kind of a sequel rather than just a DLC. I liked it. It's a nice extra adventure for your Warden character and the companions are very good (though I could've done without Oghren, sorry Oghren fans). I especially liked the Legion of the dead dwarf, she was adorable - and Anders, of course. You can give him a kitty!

So why am I rating it so low? They changed how shit works, don't tell you about it and it makes you miss half the game lol. Idk, it just pissed me off you had to click on background shit to talk to your companions and I didn't notice it until I was already halfway done. It's such a stupid idea, too. Click on this tree to talk to Nathaniel?? Weird tbh. It's especially bad for me, as I am not playing a lot of games (I am a filthy casual) and am not a completionist - also I already know who Andraste is, so why would I click her statue?

So yeah, that's my personal gripe with Awakening. At least it's short enough to replay, so hopefully I will catch all the stuff next time haha.

Dragon Age 2....ahh, I was very surprised to hear that it was so unpopular, several of my friends said they had not played it at all because they heard it was so bad. And I am very confused, because it is my favorite. I can see how it got flack for being on a smaller scale, the dungeons and areas repeat - but honestly, I didn't care much. I enjoyed the smaller scale and the more personal story greatly. I feel it makes more sense for a 'choice' based game anyway, as it lets you tell more stories without problems. And in this instance, a story about a refugee family and a bigger focus on social justice issues just vibed well with me. I can see how it's not everyone's cake I guess, but it's definitely worth playing! I think it has the best companions in all the games. They're all great fun and the dating options are amazing. I personally prefer when everyone is date-able by either gender - it makes me not having to worry and research ahead of time on what character to make (looking at you inquisition) and I can just headcanon for myself who is queer, straight, whatever. Yes, I might still be upset I wasn't able to date Alistair haha in DA:O.

I loved the 3 act structure and longer time period. I liked how people you meet/help in your side quests write you letters or get updates. I just loved how personal it was.

My only gripes with DA2 is the rushed Act 3 (can't even give everyone another gift ;_; ) and how the ending was handled. Chosing between templars and mages - sure, fun. But when you choose the mages, how come 80% of the people you are fighting are mages? Why is Orsino turning into an abomination and attacking *you*? It makes no sense. Poor Orsino. They did him dirty.

But otherwise I had great fun. Needless to say this game cemented my chantry hate lol. Doesn't help I live in a pretty gay oppressing catholic country now, but it felt fucking personal. I cheered when that fucking building blew up. It was cathartic. So I was hyped for the next game!

Which leads me to Inquisition. By the rating you can already see: I didn't like this game. For many reasons. The church dick riding was definitely one of them. But I mean, if you write it well I probably wouldn't have minded to get a different viewpoint (and there was still plenty of critical content in this game like with the former Inquisitor and all), sadly though, for me it didn't work in so many ways.

First of all I had to restart the game after 30 minutes because my girlfriend told me I can only date the elves if I'm a girl. Gee, good to know, or my tripple elf combo would've been ruined.

And I have to say: I liked how un-segregated the whole gender selection screen was. I got to make a pretty boyish looking twink even by choosing female, up to the point I was forgetting I was playing a girl until someone called me LADY Lavellan and ruined my immersion, so....props to that. I also liked the art design? Like all the little character cards, all the artworks just felt like they finally found their own style, kinda. (This was already started in DA2, which I really liked, I feel this series needs it's own, distinct look in some way, so it was nice to see they were trying to). Anyway, nice looks.

But the gameplay immediately felt weird and sluggish to me. It was way too hard even on the easiest setting. Enemies take FOREVER to die, even a stupid wolf or bear takes a gazillion hits. It wasn't fun. Not for me anyway, just tedious.

And the story....I just didn't feel it. It didn't help that you don't even have a proper origin (for a good while you have amnesia even). It made it difficult to even understand my own motivations imho. Playing it as an elf was definitely a bad choice as well, as this whole plot was clearly written with a human in mind. Pretty wild a DALISH elf is even an option. If they kept you as a prisoner, it would've made sense, maybe? But it just feels off to put this random Dalish immediately on top of your organization and calling them the herald of Andraste even though you keep insisting you don't even believe in that stuff haha. A wild ride indeed. Also I screamed at the whole 'Dalish only have 3 mages per clan and just YEET THE EXTRA CHILDREN INTO THE FOREST TO DIE' retcon. It absolutely makes zero sense with how the Dalish were described up to that point (as people who greatly care for their own and also really want to honor and learn about their roots. They know the elves were all originally magical. Why would they have a fucking mage limit. Why would they yeet a child out to die when they already suffer from diminishing numbers? What the FUCK Inquisition?).

The maps were too big, the game is sooo bloated and the main plot for the larger part completely disconnected from everything else (and also, pretty short in theory). Because of this, the pacing was kind of off. The war table....the WAR table. I did not like it. So many things that got shoved there should've been quests, while many of the actual quests should've just been deleted. And apparently my whole clan can just die in a small war table side thing and no one will care. lol

I also did not vibe with most of the companions that much. I liked Dorian a lot, but other than that most were just a lot of missed opportunities. Like, they were ok, but not as great as any of the other games.

Though I feel nothing quite shows the pacing issues of this game like Solas' romance haha. I still can't believe he breaks up with you immediately after kissing you and offering to take your vallaslin. It would've made so much more sense if he left during the ending party ceremony. What were they thinking?

Generally my issue was how a lot of characters just talk at you, not so much with you. You ask them questions, but they hardly ever ask you questions back, even though it would've been a great way to learn more about your characters backstory as well. I think Josephine was one of the only characters who ever asks how you're holding up. In the other games, it is way more interactive.

This resulted in me just never really connecting as much in Inquisition. Felt more like hanging with coworkers than friends. It was also weird how everyone acts like you're achieving great things, when really, none of it is something you do. The inquisition itself, the army, it already exists. Solas literally just points at Skyhold (you do not even have to fight anything to get it) and so on.

I hated that you have an animated main plot cut scene where your Dalish elf asks a human who Mythal is. And of course I really disliked how the mage rebellion was handled. Why do I have to choose between templars and mages AGAIN when, in this game at least, being able to recruit both would've kinda made more sense? Unite against a bigger enemy, bla. I wouldn't have super liked it as a resolution for the mage oppression issue, but at least it would've given that conflict SOME form of resolution.

So yeah. Did not enjoy it that much. Was very surprised to learn how many did and that it won game of the year. Maybe it would've been more enjoyable just on its own, without context, but coming in right after DA2 it was quite the clash in my opinion.

There was definitely potential for a good game. It had good elements. I think they fixed a bunch of issues in Trespasser, which I quite enjoyed. But I kind of am not looking AS much forward to the 4th installment. I'll play it for sure, but I feel the writers just want to do something different with this series than what I enjoy about it.

Overall though I still had great fun! I like Dragon Age. Seeing everyone's oc's is so cute and I will definitely keep on enjoying that no matter what.

[thefisherqueen]

Granada's Sherlock Holmes: The mazarin stone

I feel like the ghost of Jeremy Brett is starting to possess me by watching so much of the Granada series lately. I even dreamt of him last night, lol. Might be better for my inner peace to take a break, but nah, being normal about something is overrated, so tonight I'm watching The mazarin stone. An outlier in the canon stories for having only one act, for being almost all dialogue and for taking place entirely within Baker Street. From what I read, this is all because it is an adaption from a screen play. I quite enjoyed this story with its great dialogue and think it would work even better in a visual medium, so I'm very curious to see the Granada version.

So this episode starts with Holmes talking about obsession and being haunted by a ghost. Feels relevant to my currant state

The opening scene is an prologue to the canon story then, with Holmes telling Watson he'll be away for several weeks. Watson will be lonely :( Watson's patients will be glad :)

Holmes saying he will be watching Watson with his third eye. Ehm, sir? Interesting storytelling choice

Such dramatic music in the scene where the diamond gets stolen, it's making me laugh

Not sure why those ladies in Watson's practice are here, but I love them. What a comic duo. It appears that Watson is struggling to figure out why they are there as well. Wait. Garridebs? I guess this episode is loaning some material from that story, then. That makes sense because I imagine it would be hard to fill a full episode with just the Mazarin story

Ladies, after some hipster nonsense of not being able to be ill because of their habits: "We insist that all our gentlemen do the same." Watson: "...your gentlemen?" *trying hard not to judge* Ladies: "Our gentlemen tennants" Haha, love this scene. I did spent some time before thinking about how awkward victorian doctor's consults must have been, with all those societal norms of modesty. I bet Watson would be really good at putting his patients at ease, though

Oh no, let Mycroft sleep! He certainly did not deserve such a rude awakening. Rude man talking to Mycroft: "You must keep your brother on a shorter leash" I feel like getting into a fist fight with that man on behalf of Holmes. Do not talk about my man like that

Mycroft is taking on the case? Was Jeremy Brett not available for this full episode? Because of health reasons, maybe? All right, that's a fresh development, let's see how it goes

I love the strong visual storytelling of the count actually shooting at female figurines when Mycroft confronts him

This episode is an interesting interpretation of each character's different way of investigation. Mycroft uses his network to speak to people and gain access to places he can follow the count, Watson stays polite and pretents to be quite ignorant while secretly thinking on it and gathering information from documents, while I think Holmes usually does everything the other two do but adds a lot of hands-on examination and a trick or two

Mycroft flirting with the ladies Garridebs threw me off. I guess this series has so many queer vibes that I didn't expect that level of straightness

I actually really like getting to see Mycroft and Watson working together. I do miss being able to stare unnecessary long at Jeremy Brett, of course

Just a side note, but the two sisters sleeping in one bed is an interesting detail. Besides houses historically commonly being small, in part because of heating reasons, bedding used to be very expensive; I would have to do research to say anything specific, but I do know from museum visits that it was quite common until at least the start of the 20th century for siblings to share a bed and thus save the family on cost. It would make sense for two unmarried elderly sisters to still be sleeping together if they got used to it after their whole lives doing so, even in the case they could now afford seperate beds, rooms maybe even. I think no one would have frowned if Holmes and Watson themselves would have shared a room. It was common for the lower classes and just didn't have the sexual/romantic association it does today. Which begs the question: what did cause victorians to become suspecious a sexual same-sex relationship was going on? I would be delighted if anyone could tell me more. I have just brought 'Strangers: homosexual love in the nineteenth century' by Graham Robb, so I hope I'll soon learn more

Watson still gets wounded in the confrontation, I see. And by that nastly looking diamond cleaver. Ouch. What a shame we didn't get the emotional 'It was worth a wound' scene. I LOVE however that it is the sisters who save Watson when he got that knife pulled to his throat. You go, ladies! And Mycroft in interrogating mode is quite delightful

Mycroft... in multiple bodies? Being immortal? Is the count hallucinating? What is going on???

Holmes is proud of his brother. Aww :)

This was a enjoyable episode, all in all. Of course I missed Holmes/Jeremy Brett in this, but even without the main character there it was still a good story, great acting and beautiful scene building. Just a bit of a shame for the odd paranormal (???) bits at the very start and end. They felt out of place and were unnecessary for the episode to work

[biipbop]

Ooooh how about the other P5 cast? Strikers and Royal included. In the Flower child au

Havent played strikers yet (I own it and will get to it soon I swear 😞)

The first time Ann hears about Akira knowing gas chamber is from Ryuji. So its no surprise that she thinks he's full of shit and Akira would 100% commit to the bit and never confirm it. Everyone else will similarly follow suit and also think Ryuji is trying really hard to convince them that not only does Akira totally know gas chambers on a personal level but tatsujun isnt just PR. Theyre married and are Akira's adopted parents. It gets to the point that Ann and Ryuji start arguing about it publically. It becomes a running joke among there classmates.

Most of their classmates are pretty ick about it (they dont really think positively of Ann Ryuji and akira as is so they joke about how the deliquent is really out here trying to convince everyone he's related to celebrities). Mishima on the other hand believed it the instant he was told:

Ryuji: *points to Akira* This guy is the love child of tatsujun from gas chamber

Mishima: *sideeying ryuji* reaaaaally?

Akira: *straight faced knowing he looks like he knows you know hes lying* yep.

It was enough for Mishima.

Futaba already knew. She found out while doing a bg check on Akira before he moved into the cafe. She also doesnt tell anyone bc she also thinks it's fucking hilarious that no one else knows.

Haru initially doesnt believe them but she once met Jun at a charity function when she was younger. He had tatsuya with him and she did get the impression that they actually were romantically together. One day she corners Akira to find out the truth but it very much goes similarly as it did with mishima (Akira confirms but is he *actually* confirming it or just messing around??) Haru is eventually able to get a crack in the facade when she tells him how he met the two before and how she thinks they might actually be together. How encouraging it was to see a queer couple who were so in love that they couldnt really hide it. Akira breaks and ends up sharing family photos with her.

If youve seen my flower child au comics theyre kinda inconsistent with how and when morgana and Akechi find out. Earlier comics had them knowing during the events of the game while my more recent comics have them finding out post game. But i think I prefer them knowing during game cause it just makes better sense for me timeline wise so....ignoreing my own comics I guess

Morgana would technically be told the same time as Ryuji except Morgana would have 0 context as to who tatsuya and jun are or even who gas chambers is. So from Morgana's perspective Ryuji thought Akira's dad (who morgana saw pictures of from when Akira was a kid) was a girl. (He will never let Ryuji forget this). Ryuji would later be talking about gas chambers with Ann and she would be the one to show morgana their music and recordings of interviews and live shows. Because theyre fully dressed like a v-kei band Morgana wont put 2 and 2 together until after he actually meets them.

Even though he would also do a background check on Akira, Akechi doesnt know that about who Akira's parents are. (Jun and tatsuya couldnt legally adopt Akira so technically Katsuya and Maya would be Akira's legal parents but everyone in sumaru knows bc Jun and Tatsuya never hid their relationship. Also all the members of Gas Chambers go by a stage name for privacy reasons)

Like Ryuji Akechi also grew up familar with Gas Chamber bc his mom was a fan (side note: I think both Ryuji and Akechi would have young moms who couldve been good friends). Akechi, gun to head, would never admit this to anyone especially not akira but Jun would be his gay awakening. Akira only finds this out after Akechi meets his parents. They dont break up over this but they get close to it. Akira would refuse to talk to his dads for a week when he finds out leaving his parents panicked bc their bby boy is big sad and might have broken up with his first bf but doesnt want their help. They stay together and all is good but lord help Akechi if he ever points out any similarities between Jun and Akira.

Yusuke has no fucking clue who Gas Chambers is. But when he meets Eikichi he will go to stalker level to get a chance to draw him. Luckily for him Eikichi finds out about the little weirdo thinking hes beautiful and is all about it. He keeps every piece Yusuke gives him and even has Yusuke's paintings in the family restaurant as well as his home.

Sorry this is rambly!

Edit: I forgot Sumire!! I'll be honest, I have no clue. I dont believe she would know who Gas Chambers is. Futaba would probably only know bc she's a gremlin and constantly online.

Sumire most likely would think Ryuji is trying to tease her and not believe him either. She would be with the squad when they go visit Akira and find out Ryuji didnt lie. Shed be glad that Futaba and Akira got the pleasure of their long con going through without failure.

Also the p2 squad will realize that the metaverse was a thing when they hear Morgana talk.

[moonssugar]

10, 16, & 20 for the pride asks please! :)

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

lets start off with 20 because its defintely the funniest lmaoooo

my main character sam is transmasc (a trans boy) and my tertiary protag is a lesbian (aubry) and she discovers this as the story goes out and let me to tell you there is nothing more hilarious than 1. writing and thinking extensively about how your character is a lesbian and pouring so much into that while being in total denial about yourself and 2. discovering even more about your own inwards trans feelings by giving your transmasc oc 90% of your personality and also through metaphor and symbolism by making a lot of the story a trans analogy. but wait, the character i see the most of myself in, sam, is transmasc but aubry, the second character i see so much of myself in, is a lesbian so how can these seemingly contradictory things be true simultaneously you ask? well it turns out that im a transmasc lesbian. who couldve saw that coming, right? (me. i saw this coming). still the funniest fucking thing about me like "yeah go ahead and tell yourself a story and accidently awaken something in yourself, this will be so funny and cool" and honestly it is so cool! one of the most writing things ive ever done

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

yes they do! sam has been to a local pride parade/event at some point with his parents (who are bi4bi). he also has a trans flag hanging up in his room that dual functions as a symbol of pride and also a window curtain that turns his room pink and blue at certain times of the day (its intentional). chelsie celebrates pride as well, mostly through self expression like with her clothing and style but she loves pride events too and collecting little pride themed objects that end up in random places. i feel like chelsie's way of celebrating pride is chaotic and spontaneous which suits her. both of them have pride themed bracelets and backpack pins, you know the baby queer stuff i love (i still love the baby queer stuff idc) and sam has trans, bi and rainbow themed tie dye shirts he made and loves to wear. aubry has never seen any pride flag or been to an event and she didnt even know gay people existed as well people and not the boogyman or theoretical person she heard about in church until she realized she was gay and met other queer people (and she literally has two dads LOL). but once she does she cant get enough of rainbows and the lesbian flag which in the alternate universe world where shes from no one knows its meant to symbolize queerness. so she gets to walk around with flags and colors that no one recognizes except her and her family. its hilarious, its her own "no one knows im a lesbian" pin. they just think shes from a different country or something (where all the pretty girls are from). sam and chelsie gifted her a lesbian flag through their mail system once she returned home and she cherishes it. mostly, i'd say my characters celebrate pride through living, being who they want to be and uplifting each other amd they love their glitter, music, make up, tie dye shirts, flags and rainbows too

16. Did you ever change an oc's identity when they were already established? Why?

my character's queer identities have been pretty solid since inception and through their development, its one of the things that have changed the least about them. sam used to be some flavor of trans/nonbinary but there are other nonbinary characters in my story now and sam ids with transmasc the most instead of nonbinary. chelsie has always been transfem as far as i can remember although i mightve imagined her cis one single time and then said "nah im gonna trans your gender no way in hell youre cis" when i didnt feel connected to her characterization [transgenderfication beam]. and aubry has remained gay as hell even as she started off as a completely different person that split into two then i used one half of the personality, refurbished it by gave it some religious trauma, pining and autism to create modern aubry then used the other half for something else. everyone else's personalities have started at the surface level idea of who i think they are and deepened and complexified from there and thats even more intricate than i could describe in one sitting and not always specifically about their queer identity

oh i almost forgot! one character (benjamin, aubry's father) has a bi panic awakening after he went through life identifying as gay and instead of a guy being the source of the panic it was aubry's mother (valid, i'd panic if i saw her too). his character started off as gay but aubry didn't hatch from a magic egg or grow from a pumpkin in a patch or fall to earth like a shooting start (amos's many joke versions of the birds and bees, amos is married to benjamin and is her dad #2) so i needed an explanation for that. he also discovers he's polyamorous in the process so good for him! other characters have become noticeably less cis over time but were already kinda gender weird to begin with if i squinted hard enough. like are you really cis if im writing you? be fr

also, sam's parents in my mind

[slavicafire]

Dearest Zmija, I went ahead and did something i regret. I cut my hair, to a lovely person but i was foolish in my demands and didn't realized what i was in fact asking for. Now, even though the hairstyle is well done and looks ok, it is very much not me and remind me more of the teenager i was ten years ago. I feel ashamed, as if i give too much to describe to people with this haircut, when the previous one was longer and way more indescriptible, unnoticeable. I don't like to be reminded of who i was as a teen at all, neither what i looked like as i feel very ashamed about it and triggered somehow, as i used to put to much of myself on display even though i wasn't confortable at all with it. And now, even though my hairstyle isn't bad and more alternative or queer, i feel the same way again. That it is not me, that i made a mistake and everyone can see it, that everyone will comment on it, that it looks like a joke, like my hair are shorter now even though i was happy and a little proud to have them longer, and longer again. I am aware that it will grow back but i'm very anxious about the way people will perceive me until it gets back to were it was. It is all about perceived, i think. Trying to escape my body and the way people perceive me, and yet never being able to escape it, rarely able to feel confortable with how i as seen. I was more or less ok before, but now... now i'm not sure what to do, if there is anything at all i can do.

the truth is, my dearest stranger, that no one cares about this nearly as much as you do. few people will notice, even fewer will draw any conclusions - and I believe no one will draw ones that you so dread.

I could tell you that it's just hair and it doesn't mean anything and that it will grow back - and perhaps this could be helpful. if you feel like believing it to be entirely meaningless is key, then focus on that - and don't read any further.

because, at heart, I believe that this has meaning - just much different than what weighs you down so. at your very core, you're still you, and the way your hair was cut does not change you or bring you back to who you were before, nor does it change anything about you - but perhaps the feelings it awakened are something that had to be brought to the surface. something that now has to be conquered - and buried.

your hair will grow - and as it does, try to abandon the shame you feel. this shame, whatever it's rooted in, has no point - it doesn't drive you, it doesn't improve you, it's just a burden that needs to be let go of. there is nothing to be ashamed of.

work on finding your comfort, on figuring how to make all of this more you - because there is a way to do it, and I believe you will find it - but at the same time work towards eradicating that shame and fighting the fear of being judged. people don't care about this nearly as much as you do - and if someone judges you then it's their problem, not yours. it's their burden and you will not be the one to carry it.

have faith in your own strength and perseverance, my heart. have patience - and things will start feeling less heavy soon.

sending all my love - and the best of luck.

[monstersandmagicians]

June Reading Recap

Is it September 10? Yes. Did I start writing this recap in June? Yes. Did I only read 5 books? Yes. But look, sometimes, the most important lesson in life is that you finish. I think.

Anyways, onto the books.

Botanical Folk Tales of Britain and Ireland - Liza Schneidau What it says on the tin: a collection of British and Irish folktales that involves plants. Additionally they were arranged roughly to correspond with wheel of the year and the aim of the book was two-fold: to encourage oral story telling and encourage conservation efforts. A decent collection with a solid writing style. I also enjoyed the short prefaces to most of the tales, adding a little context or fun fact to the reading experience.

The Vanished Birds - Simon Jimenez The library system would not let me but Jimenez's other book on hold, so I decided to give his debut a go. This is a clever, complex speculative novel that I'm sure other people have much smarter things to say about; I don't know if it was a timing thing or an aesthetic thing but I just didn't mesh with this novel. That said, there was enough good about it that I'm still looking forward to reading The Spear Cuts Through Water when the library decides I'm allowed to.

The Scratch Daughter - H A Clarke (book 2 in a trilogy) Speaking of the library, I had to wait forever for this book to be acquired - but it was worth it. A fun, pulpy, queer YA novel about teenage witches who curse fuckboys. All-round good time. Daisy Brink my beloved - every book needs a rich girl who bites people, alright. Now, something interesting. This book is very much a queer YA novel in a way that often really grates on me. Furthermore, beside Daisy-the-biter, a lot of the characters seem to lean on therapy-speak (especially Shiloh). Normally that would result in a DNF for me and I tried to work out why I was still enjoying myself. I think it is because of how campy and fun this novel is. Clarke isn't lecturing us, they're having fun and it shows. I'll have to see what else I have to say when I get my hands on The Feast Makers (which the library does have).

The Awakening - L. J. Smith The first book in The Vampire Diaries. Not that the vampires are writing diaries. Now, I read this book because I do have a slight obsession with how the YA industry had developed, and I mean, this is one of the big vampire romances. It even predates Twilight. To be honest, that was interesting. There were scenes and concepts in the book that felt very similar to those in Twilight. I would be fascinated as to whether this was because Meyer had read the book, or that she and Smith were trying to tackle different things. That said, this is not Twilight. At the start of the book, our protagonist, Elena, is her schools Queen Bee. The Ice Queen. She goes after our vampire lad - Stefan - with a single-minded determindess. Unfortunately, once she gets the guy, her personality starts to flake away. Which sucks, because I don't actually think she is into guys - with the way she discusses her past experiences, plus her feelings about other girls, I think she should actually be hooking up with Meredith and making a kinda scary power couple there. As it is, Matt (Elena's ex) and Stefan have more chemistry. Reading it I did wonder if there was in fact another set of immortal Renaissance-born brothers called Stefan and Damon running around hating each other or if I had read one of the later books or a spin-off when I was younger. The thing is, I would swear that that book was about angels and demons, not vampires, and an important plot point was that one of the brothers was an actual bastard. Like, that is where I remember learning the technical meaning of the words. I did have another point, but this is getting long and I can't remember it, soooo... Overall, this was a quick, fun read, though it felt like only half a novel. Very 90s YA.

The Book of Love - Kelly Link Through no fault of its own, this book took me forever to read, but that did not hamper my reading experience. On a craft level it was brilliant, it was engaging, I adored it, I look forward to reading Link's short stories, she is a very masterful story-teller. Please, go read this.

[becauseimanicequeen]

Ming and Joe's Colors in My Stand-In, Part 4: Yellow/Gold

Part 1: Overview

Part 2: Black and Blue

Part 3: Red and Green

Part 5: Brown

Part 6: Random Color Moments

I received an ask a couple of days ago asking me about Joe and Ming's colors (which is something I've been thinking about for a while) and decided to answer that question in a separate post (which turned into a series). So, here I am.

I previously stated in my overview in part 1 of this series that:

Ming is black and red.

Joe is blue and green.

Yellow/gold is significant to both.

Brown also has some significance.

(Btw, since secondary colors (like orange) sometimes are hard to separate from the primary colors they're created from, because they can include a lot more of one of them, I will sometimes use yellow-ish to refer to yellow hues that might verge towards orange.)

As you can tell by the title of this post, I'll focus on the yellow/gold in this one. And as I mentioned in the overview in part 1 of this series, yellow/gold has a big significance to both Ming and Joe.

I first want to establish that I write yellow/gold because, even though both are used separately in My Stand-In, they entwine. Also, if we only look at the colors, they are the same even if they are different. If we take away the metallic shimmer of gold, it basically looks like a deeper/darker yellow hue.

To simplify things, I would say that Joe is mostly yellow/yellow-ish because his home bathes in that kind of light and it follows him around elsewhere as well. He’s often surrounded by it. It’s a part of him and his life.

Ming is mostly gold, which we’ve seen is part of his family home. Joe mentions it as well.

And the reason I say mostly is because, as I mentioned, their yellow/gold/yellow-ish entwine (which I'll get into in a moment).

So, let's dive into the fun stuff.

Yellow is the color on the color wheel that’s the closest to white because it reflects the most light. Yellow is often associated with light, warmth, optimism, caution, and deception.

Gold's symbolisms are the same as yellow, but it also has the added associations of luxury, power, and royalty, to name a few. Gold, as in the metal, has a reflective surface. It's pretty on the outside but it's also dense (the densest of all metals). (Did I add this last part to tease Ming? Yes. I love him to bits, but, at times, he's dense as hell, lol.)

Also, on a cultural note, yellow is associated with the king/royalty in Thailand. Therefore it's also associated with authority. I wanted to add this since Ming isn't just connected to yellow, but the finest, most pristine, and luxurious yellow, which is gold. And considering the hints they’ve dropped about his family, they definitely have authority and power (associations of yellow and gold respectively).

All this symbolism sounds a lot like both of them. Joe is definitely warm and optimistic. Ming also shows warmth (in many of the moments when he lived with Joe). Ming also has power, especially in the form of his family (but also in his and Joe's relationship and in the attachment Joe feels towards him).

But there’s also caution and deception involved. Joe is, especially in the beginning, cautiously optimistic about Ming and their potential relationship while Ming holds most of the deception part since he’s using Joe as a stand-in for Tong (even though we know Joe is a stand-in for Tong who was a stand-in for Joe, lol). Joe has a role in the deception part as well, especially when he’s in Joe 2.0’s body and has his own ulterior motives for doing certain things to Ming.

As I wrote in the overview in part 1 of this series, Ming's queer awakening in this moment when he sees Joe's back in that yellow/yellow-ish light on that billboard affected him a lot.

Since Ming thought it was Tong, that yellow/yellow-ish light (and his own gold) followed him to his first real meeting with Tong.

No wonder Ming was so obsessed with Tong there for a long while. Their colors were entwining. So much to the point that Ming, after seeing Tong with May, had to flee the country after ripping that image with (what Ming believed to be) Tong’s back and the yellow/yellow-ish text.

It was no different when Ming came back, though. That yellow/gold/yellow-ish light followed both Tong and Ming that day.

But, luckily for Ming (and unluckily for Joe at this point, lol), he found another man with that yellow/gold color to latch onto. And he did. Just look at that yellow/gold/yellow-ish in the background when they first met.

Look at them later facing that yellow/gold light in the restaurant, which is the night they start having sex together.

The light was guiding them towards each other. It was guiding Ming towards Joe; in the first moment they met when Ming hugged Joe from behind (the picture above) and when Joe literally guided Ming up the stairs to his home with that light next to them.

It was guiding Joe towards Ming as well. This is the same night Joe thanked Ming for making his dream come true (to have someone to welcome him home with the lights on and a nice meal) and when Ming said he would move in with Joe.

The light was guiding them towards each other and, in many ways, they were the light in each other's lives.

But the yellow/gold/yellow-ish also served as a hurtful reminder of their connection.

In the lights that were on when Joe's heart broke together with those mugs he dropped.

And in the lights that were present when Ming called Joe to ask when he was coming home and Joe told Ming to move out.

The light was also there when Joe broke down after having seen Ming (whom used to be his light) again, and when Ming was still waiting for Joe (his light) to come back, even though it had been two years.

They are both still carrying that light with them after all that time…

And Ming makes sure he's surrounded by it every single day (both his gold in the golden details and Joe's yellow in that warm light to make sure their yellow/gold is still entwining)...

And the light is there, trying to guide Ming back to Joe…

(Joe is literally in the same hotel, but we all know Ming is dense and doesn't have his glasses on, so… I'm just teasing. Kind of... lol.)

Another fact about yellow, though is that, in Jungian psychology, yellow is associated with intuition. Interestingly, as we saw in the 8th episode, Ming uses his intuition through his meditation (together with the facts he knows about both Joe 1.0 and Joe 2.0's accidents and how similar they are) to find ways to find out if Joe 2.0 is Joe 1.0. And he does (even if Joe won't admit to being in Joe 2.0's body, yet, which is understandable), thanks to the sneeze of all things, and while being in that light!

Ming just wants his light back in his life. He wants Joe back so he can vow never to hurt Joe or make him cry again. He wants Joe back so he can show Joe how he mended their broken mugs with his gold (to show that the wounds are where the light shines through).

He hurt Joe in the worst possible ways, he knows that, and he's ready to repent for the rest of his days (well, as soon as he's 100% sure Joe 1.0 is in Joe 2.0's body). Because the Ming who hasn't been the same since Joe's accident, desperately needs his light back into his life.

Am I getting too sappy? Probably. So let’s end with something even sappier…

The moment Might realized that the back he saw on that billboard wasn't the back he thought he saw. The moment he realized the one he'd really loved all this time was Joe. The moment Ming broke into tiny little pieces (just like those mugs) because of all the guilt of losing Joe and how it was his own doing. The moment he saw Joe 2.0 in that yellow/gold/yellow-ish light...

Que tears…

Part 1: Overview

Part 2: Black and Blue

Part 3: Red and Green

Part 5: Brown

Part 6: Random Color Moments

[thepurplewombat]

U mentioned that jgy is one of your favorite characters of all time, can I ask about your other fav characters of all time? I'm very curious bc u seem to be a cultured individual

Oh boy you sure may! *turns into an unskippable cutscene*. Not so sure about a cultured individual but let's see what consensus is once I'm done.

Olay so I'm going to go roughly chronological here, because everyone who has ever been a blorbo to me is, on some level, still a blorbo. So they all still count!

Okay so at the top of the list is one Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek The Next Generation) . My mom loves to tell the story of how I, at age three, decided I was going to marry Captain Picard and we would have six children. To be honest if he showed up in front of me today and asked me to run away with him on the Enterprise, I'm not sure I'd say no. He's such a wonderful character in so many ways - wise, kind, diplomatic. My first memory of watching television is the episode where he was assimilated by the Borg. The episode where Jean Grey from the X-men movies was an alien who became the perfect mate to the first person she saw when she hatched from her egg thing, and the first person she saw was Picard and so she still married the slimy guy from the enemy planet because Picard's perfect mate would never sacrifice duty on the altar of love lives rent-free in my mind decades later.

Dana Scully (X-Files). She's amazing. I love her. I love the fact that while she doesn't believe in the stuff Mulder does, she is openminded enough to acknowledge that science doesn't know everything, you know?

Neri from Ocean Girl. I watched this show when I was in primary school and I've got to tell you, Nonnie, for Literal Years all my Barbies wore wraps made out of rough hemp cloth. Her best friend was a whale named Charlie and she could swim underwater forever, she was amazing.

Xena (from Xena). Idk what to tell you, Nonnie, she was like, at least a third of my queer awakening.

Buffy (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) she tried. So hard. Like, she had a Destiny and she didn't want the destiny, but she was stuck with it and so she was going to do her damn best to live up to it. Spike, from the same show, is also on the list. He was just fun to watch, you know? (also Faith because I shipped her Buffy quite hard for a while)

Severus Snape, Harry Potter. He wasn't nice, but he was good, but tbh I adored him from the first time he appeared. Also, Hermione. Big hair and loves books? It me!

Everyone in Seaquest. Especially the captain and Lukas, who I'm pretty sure was included purely because TNG did it. But hey, I was like 15, I thought he was great.

Daniel Jackson, Stargate SG-1. He's just such a nerd? I love him tbh. I shipped him with Jack O'Neill but I appear to be alone in that (or all the archives where their fic was are dead now rip)

Teal'c, also from SG-1. It's just...how much courage does it take to turn on your literal actual god who is the source of your life? Also, the sass.

Garrus Vakarian, Mass Effect. I love him, your honor.

This one is chronologically in the wrong place since I read it when I was about 11, but Taita, from River God by Wilbur Smith. I loved that sneaky little asshole so damn much. I named my cat after him. (I was very annoyed when, years later, I read one of the sequels to River God, and on the first page Taita had a beard. Taita was a eunuch...)

Sarah Kerrigan, Starcraft. I could write a book about her. I have written a book about her. The first thing I ever wrote was a Starcraft fanfic (I had no idea fanfic even existed) about Kerrigan's clone Tedra. I'm weak for stories about evil governments, people who are treated like weapons, and assimilation narratives, so you can see why she captured my attention. (also I loved Zeratul, he was amazing)

Lestat from Interview with a Vampire. He was just cool.

There are a bunch more (I haven't even got to when I discovered danmei yet) , but unfortunately my power just went out and this post is already hella long, so take this as part 1 🤣

[jamesmcavoysbf]

Open to change ↯

Gif from somewhere off Pinterest

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Male!Reader

Genre: One bed trope, "Dallas seeing there's not enough male reader content and takes it into his own hands, instantly regrets it"

Warnings: Mild homophobia, Soldier Boy as a whole, swearing, no use of Y/N, you're soldier boys gay awakening, swearing 😱😱😱, probably doesn't even make sense but cut me slack I'm working on barely any sleep

Notes: This is my first time writing, for him and in general so don't expect anything good. I also started this in the middle of the night so. ALSO NOT PROOF READ!!!

You had noticed Soldier Boy was always distanced from you. Ever since you, Butcher, Hughie and him teamed up he always stayed furthest away from you. You assumed it was nothing at first but then it came to you that he was avoiding you because of your queerness. You were openly gay. Not like "I'm gay" every five minutes but you weren't in the closet and brought it up occasionally. Maybe when you saw a nice looking guy walking along the street or one of your celebrity crushes was on the telly. After you realized that you decided to avoid him as well. I mean it made sense, he was fresh out of the 80s pretty much.

It was all fine until you started developing feelings for him. His voice. His looks. You wanted to talk to him and get to know him but this was Soldier Boy. What did you expect? You occasionally said hi to him whenever you were in a room together but otherwise no talking. It always bugged you why you couldn't go talk to him.

It was a Saturday night and you were just waiting for Butcher to get you a hotel room for the night. You were thankful for him doing this but the downside was that you usually had to share a room with Soldier Boy. I mean, you didn't mind it much. It was just awkward.

You were stood, hands in your pockets. You had zoned out a bit when you heard Soldier Boy let out an annoyed groan of frustration away from you. You blinked and looked up. Soldier Boy and Butcher where at the reception, Soldier Boy was visibly annoyed. "You can't expect me to sleep in a room with one bed! Especially when I have to share with that queer!" You heard him say to Butcher. You were shocked. Offended, even. "Well too bad, you either sleep here or go sleep in the streets and let Vought come find you." Butcher tilted his head, grin plastered onto his face. He picked up the keys and shoved them at Soldier Boys chest. "Now off you go" Butcher said, turning to you and signalling for you to head off with him.

The walk up to the room was tense. You were pissed and you could tell he was too. He may as well have had called you a fag! You pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration, Soldier Boy still walking. Once at the room you tossed your shit on the ground. "I'm going to go have a shower" You muttered, side-eyeing him. Soldier Boy rolled his eyes at you, sitting down onto the bed as you grabbed a towel from your bag and headed into the bathroom.

You started muttering to yourself as you got undressed, turning on the shower as well. You were pissed. The two of you were teammates right now and he was gonna be a bigot? You scoffed at your own thoughts and got into the shower, letting the water run down your body. You finally felt calm now you were in the shower. You grabbed some soap and rubbed your body, cleaning yourself up. After cleaning every nook and cranny you got some shampoo, squirting it onto your hand. You began scrubbing your hair, letting some soap run down your body.

Once done in the shower you grabbed your towel, wrapping it around your waist. You ran your fingers through your hair and exited the bathroom to get a change of clothes. You didn't even look at Soldier Boy resulting to him scoffing at not even being acknowledged. You couldn't help but chuckle at the fact he wanted at least an ounce of attention from the guy he was calling a fag only half an hour ago. "Want attention that bad?" You raised a brow, grabbing a baggy shirt and pulling it on. "Fuck off." He glared at you. You sighed, putting on boxers then putting the towel away.

You sat on the bed, on the other side of him. You had only just acknowledged the single bed. "Butcher only got one bed?" You looked at him, crossing your legs. "Yep... Fucking prick" Soldier Boy looked at you for a second then looked away. It was weird. Actually talking to him. You think this was the longest conversation you had actually shared. He had actually taken off his suit as well, wearing some clothes Butcher had leant him. Okay the silence had gotten awkward. "I'm just gonna try sleep now" You said, crawling under the covers. "You stay on that side, I'll stay on mine" He said as you shut your eyes.

It was the middle of the night by now. You were struggling to sleep through. You were so... Close to him. It was unusual. You could almost feel his body heat. You chewed on your bottom lip. You were a bit thirsty. You slowly shuffled out of bed, trying not to wake Soldier Boy up. You walked over to your bag, unzipping it to get your water bottle when you heard movement in the bed behind you. You turned your head around.

He was sat up in bed, moving his eyes to look at you in the dark. "Oh... Sorry for waking you up?" You muttered, grabbing your bottle. "You better be," He scoffed, stretching. You glared at him for a second. "Prick..." You muttered, turning back to your bag. "What was that?" You heard behind you. You sighed. "Nothing." You said, annoyed. Then you heard him stand up. Great. "No, no. What did you say?" He walked over to you. You stood up, turning to face him.

He was up close to your face, grabbing the collar of your shirt. "Fine! Fine! Jesus... I called you a prick" You scoffed. You felt his breath on your face. He was so... close. "There, easy." He pushed you back a bit when he let go of your shirt. You nearly fell but you grabbed onto him for support. The two of you both stood there for a second before you let go. "Sorry, let's just go to bed" You sighed, heading back to the bed. "No. Wait." You heard him say. Oh my god. You looked back at him. You just wanted to sleep now. "What? Are you going to just call me a fag or something?" You said nonchalantly, tired literally and of him.

"No I'm not." He looked at you. "I just think you've made me feel... something..." He trailed off a bit. You don't think you'd ever heard him talk like... this. "What did I-" You then felt yourself be pressed up against a wall. All you could make out in the dark was his face. Right up in front of yours. You looked at his lips then back up to his eyes. "Did I do something wrong?" You were confused. "You made me feel this" He mumbled before you felt his lips on yours. What. Just. Happened. You were a bit shocked. The kiss started rough but got progressively more gentle for the few seconds it lasted before he pulled away.

"Oh my..." You muttered looking into his eyes. You saw regret and annoyance in his eyes as he swore under his breath. "I'm... I'm confused. You were calling me a fucking 'queer' earlier? Why did-" You paused. He let a sigh escape his lips. "I didn't want to share a fucking bed with you because you made me think I'm... You know" He looked you dead in the eyes. "But maybe I'm open to change."

You just looked at him. "Well... The queer comment was a bit but..." You couldn't help a smirk forming on your face. You kissed him this time. It felt good. For the both of you. Once your lips parted you couldn't help but laugh a bit. "I made you realize you're queer?" You raised a brow, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. "Suppose so" He pressed his tongue to the side of his mouth.

"Can we go back to bed now?" You asked. "I'm fucking tired" You yawned. "Right... Bed" He said. He then lifted you up causing you to yelp. He tossed you onto the bed. He climbed in next to you, pulling you close.

"Remind me to ask Butcher for a room with one bed tomorrow,"