#they don’t give a damn about mental health

[cyarsk52-20]

Texas governor Gregg A-Butt abbott & republicans: “We have to solve the mental health issue” Also, Greg Abbott, republicans, Mayor Adams, and Governor Hochul: it’s perfectly fine choke to death anyone with a mental health issue

Texas and New York: y’all could had beto O’Rourke, tish james and Maya Wiley respectively.

[rosicheeks]

.

[void-tiger]

Cptsd brain be like: SHUT IT DOWN protecprotecprotec (don’t look at me/okay I am ALLOWING you to look at me) imsorry imsorry imsuchaburden wHYareyouevenHERE this is it i’ve finally screwed this up theymustthinkimweakandanidiotandoverreacting

…then…finally… with processing feeling this way for days and people who HAVE doggedly chosen to stay

…maybe…I won’t lose old&new.

[nightmareonpeachstreet]

Social media apps really out here like “oh oopsie poopsie 🥺 you forgot to turn on notifications~ you wanna know what’s going on with me 24/7, right??? 🥴🥴🙈”

I want it to send a message to the ceo every time I say ‘see less often’ that says “no bitch she hates you specifically. Actually she tweeted last week that she hopes someone pisses in your egg salad sandwich every day”

[milo-is-rambling]

I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no I’m thinking about it

[lilyaceofdiamonds]

Just ONCE i would like ‘Because I don’t want to.’ to be a valid explanation for an adult or authority figure without requiring reasons or further answers, which are then shrugged off with ‘oh it’s not that hard’ or some other judgement of why MY reasons aren’t good enough. Just once.

[yearning-for-autumn]

So, here is my humble request 👀:

Reader is afab Illyrian, got her wings clipped (because we hate this tradition that’s why and because I am too much into enemies to lovers) and the Bat Boys consider her something close to a little sister.

When Eris was making a deal with the NC to get their help to kill Beron and that shit, his bond snapped with reader.

Obviously problematic for him because he has been insulting Illyrians since his mom popped him out about 500+ years ago.

So…bonus points for: smut obvs.- go as filthy as you like, Lucien absolutely mocking Eris for FUMBLING desperately to get his charm going, reader being oblivious.

I hope this sparks some ideas and creativity 🥰🤞🏻

Would That I -- Part 1

A/n: This was too good not to make into a multi-part fic, so expect more soon. Smut will be coming!

Pairing: Eris X Illyrian!Reader

Warnings: Allusions to smut, pining, mentions of mental health

Word Count: 3,638

Summary: You hate him. You hate the very thought of him. And yet he's your mate. The Mother has a cruel sense of humour.

Part 2 Part 3

Fury rippled through your body like a forest fire. You were livid. And Cassian had the nerve to laugh at you. Well, stifle a laugh. Rhysand was watching him with a worried look as he tried to give him a silent warning to stop. This progressed to warning him mind to mind when you got up from the sofa, flinging a pillow so far it almost landed into the fireplace. Azriel flinched.

“Him!?” You seethed, finally breaking the silence you had kept since your return from that damned High Lord meeting. Cassian snorted softly and you rounded on him with a deathly calm. Rhys made a small noise in the back of his throat.

“Is this funny to you, brother? I’m shackled to that evil, pompous, ginger-haired freak and you’re laughing?” His smile had dropped and a look of fear was quickly overcoming his rugged features. You stepped closer to him, your finger in his face. “Don’t sleep too deeply tonight.”

Rhysand cleared his throat.

“Look, this doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You don’t have to accept the bond. We can make sure you never see him again.” The bond snarled through you at that and you growled.

“Sure Rhys, because you were so calm when you found out Feyre was your mate.”

His brow furrowed.

“So you want to be with Eris?” The name seemed to physically disgust him. Azriel scoffed, abruptly rising from the sofa and marching out of the room. Cassian eyed the doorway in his wake. You turned to Rhys.

“No!” You groaned in frustration, pacing up and down on the carpet like a caged animal. Cassian’s eyes darted between Rhys and you. Finally deciding to break things up he manhandled you into a hug. You fought it for a few moments, before giving up and collapsing into your brothers embrace, hot angry sobs wrenching through you. Rhys took this as his cue to leave, and winnowed—probably to his office—out of the room. Cassian rubbed soothing circles on your back, careful to avoid your wings that were ever more sensitive after the clipping.

You were clipped at thirteen, which is how you had come to live with the three brothers. In Windhaven, they clipped your wings the day you started your cycle. Once grounded there was no escaping your duties, nor any chance to leave the camp. Unless, of course, you had grown close with the High Lord’s son, who had a mother with a habit of collecting strays.

You were there through all of it, the highs, the lows, and Morrigan’s tumultuous relationship with one Eris Vanserra. The male you were now mated to.

---

In the Forest House, Eris was pacing. His throat was still sore from the memory of Azriel’s scarred hand, and his cheek burned from the slap that had earned him from his father. But all of that had been overshadowed. He knew as soon as he saw you. His heart had lurched in his chest so hard he had thought he might throw up. You were the most beautiful female he had ever laid his eyes on. And of course, you were from the Night Court. The Mother truly did have a cruel sense of humour.

You had walked in, looking as arrogant as the rest of them, sharing a secret smile with the shadowsinger before sitting down next to the High Lord. Eris, next to his mother, couldn’t rip his eyes from you. Your doe eyes, sharp and intelligent captured his attention first. He wanted nothing more than to get lost in them, to find out everything about you: What you liked to read, your favourite food, how best to pleasure you and have you screaming his name. He was pulled from his fantasies by your wings. Cauldron, your magnificent wings. Their beauty stole breath from his lungs as they unfurled, getting comfortable on the chair. You had smiled at Feyre, warm and supportive, and Eris knew he was utterly lost.

He finally stopped his pacing, locked inside his room, and sat down on the edge of his bed. He sat there, holding his head in his hands until he heard the scratch of claws at the door. Getting up with a weary sigh, he opened it only to be knocked to the ground by his oldest and most loyal smokehound.

“Cheddar.” He chided as she licked his face excitedly. “Cheddar Biscuit.” He said, sternly, and she leapt off of him, waiting by the door expectantly.

“Yes alright, I suppose it’s time for a walk.” Cheddars tail thumped faster against the door frame and Eris couldn’t help the smile that grew. “Go and fetch your brothers and sisters then.” He said, grabbing the leashes off the wall. A walk was one way to clear his mind.

---

As you had predicted, Rhys was holed up in his office when you went looking for him. He barely looked up at you as you entered.

Rhysand’s office was always meticulously organised, but as you came up behind his chair you noticed how messy his desk had become. Letters and notes were piled on every inch of space, his childhood stuffed bat sitting atop one pile as a makeshift paperweight.

He loosed a breath.

“We are going to war, Y/n.” He said quietly, and any thoughts of Eris Vanserra eddied from your mind. Rhys looked up at you with bloodshot eyes. Guilt coursed through you for ever caring about something as trivial as a mating bond when you and your brothers were set for battle. You had only just got Rhys back from under the mountain, only to potentially lose him again.

“Is it certain?” You asked, leaning down to rest your head on his shoulder.

“Yes.”

“Is Cass--?”

“Leaving for Windhaven by first light.” He answered.

“Ok.”

Rhys turned, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. He knew what you were thinking, though you wished you weren’t.

“Eris is an awful male, Y/n. You know I could never support the bond between you. Azriel is...well, I’m sure you already know.”

You did. The moment he had stormed out of the room you had known this was the beginning of a negative spiral for Az. Not to mention the upcoming war. You stood up straight.

“That being said.” Rhys continued. “Eris is ensuring Autumn allies with us against Hybern. There is a certain political advantage to the match.”

You scoff.

“Like there was with Mor?” Rhys turned green. “What did Eris bargain for in return for Autumn’s support? What did you trade away, Rhys?”

Rhysand looked every bit five centuries old when he turned to you.

“Our support in his bid for the throne. Whenever that may be.”

Hatred for the male burst anew in your gut, fiercer still now that you were mated to him.

“That power hungry bastard.” You spat.

Rhysand sighed.

“He could never deserve you, starlight. I will make sure that he never sees you again. I will not lose another sister.”

---

It wasn’t until midnight that you saw Azriel. The last of your brothers to approach you. He let himself into your room, waking you, tattered blanket draped around his shoulders. Rhys’ mother had sewn it for him years ago, before you had come to live with them. It had helped him through many hard nights. So much so that it was threadbare and faded. Rhys had enchanted it not to break further as a solstice gift one year.

You sat up worried.

“Az? Are you ok? You didn’t—”

“No,” He assured, and you relaxed against the pillows, “I’m ok.”

You shuffled over in your bed to make space for him, and he laid next to you, blanket over the both of you.

“I hate him.” He said into the darkness. “I hate what he did to Mor. I hate everything he stands for. I will not let him have you.” He declared.

You snuggled up to your eldest brother.

“I don’t know why you all seem convinced I’m going to somehow fall for this prick.” You said, and he snorted. “I hate him as much as you do.”

Azriel tucked you under his arm.

“I know.” You smiled tiredly, somehow understanding the words Azriel left unsaid. The words Rhys had been able to express. Azriel’s shadows settled over your heart, confirming, and the two of you fell asleep.

---

Months later, Eris sat in a tent, head between his legs to stop from throwing up. Thousands were dead. Thousands more were surely destined to die. Two of his brothers, and his mate, fought on the battlefield.

He only had a moments warning before he was violently sick into a bucket.

Asher, his youngest brother before Lucien, chose this moment to enter his tent unannounced, scowling at the sight of Eris hunched over and retching.

“Can’t handle the bloodshed, brother?” He teased, though he sat next to Eris and put a warm hand on his shoulder. The gaping wound on his neck was healing quickly, as it should with the High Lords power coursing through his veins, but the sight of it set Eris off again. He heaved into the bucket, choosing to ignore the gagging sound Asher made.

“Eris you need to pull yourself together. Father is only a tent over.”

Eris rolled his eyes.

“Just show me your plans, Ash.”

“I don’t know, maybe I’m better off keeping them to myself, seeing as you’re battlesick.” Asher grimaced when Eris finally sat up and pushed the bucket away from him.

“Asher.” Eris’ voice held all the command of General, and eldest brother. Asher groaned petulantly as he handed over the plans.

In Eris’ opinion, not that Beron took any heed, Asher should never have taken on as much responsibility in this war. After Ceres had died, Ash had taken over as Eris’ right hand. Ceres had been more naturally suited to the role, Beron’s bloodlust had run as deep as his bones, and he had a sharp mind for strategy. Eris still mourned the boy he had raised—a quick witted, chess loving, boisterous child—but he had to accept, he had lost Ceres long before he had died. And Eris wasn’t keen on losing anyone else. Asher wasn’t comfortable with a sword, the gash in his neck clear evidence, and he had a wife and child that weakened his resolve. This is what Eris had to work with. And he had a job to do.

He let Asher discuss his plans, though he was unable to rip his mind from providing a hundred different ways that he could die, that Ash or Lucien could die, that you could die.

It took every ounce of training ingrained in him not to falter in his attack the moment he had caught sight of you, fighting your way through the onslaught, Mor by your side. Cauldron, you were ethereal. Your silken wings were spread as if they could carry you into the air, though he had long since guessed that they could not. You cut through your enemies with a frightening ease. Catching his eye, you hesitated just a second, then your face had turned to rage and the next Hybern soldier to cross your path had been beheaded so brutally that even he had to avert his gaze.

When he had looked back up, you were gone, lost in the chaos.

Asher sighed,

“You’re not listening.” He said, and Eris had the decency to feel bad. He looked at Ash wearily.

“Come back in the morning. I’ll be more attentive.” Ash just peered at him over his notes.

“It’s her isn’t it. It’s Y/n.”

“Yes.” Eris said, lacking the energy to lie.

“She’s Night Court. She’s not one of us. One day you’ll find a nice Autumn girl to marry and when you’re High Lord she can pop out a few Autumn court babies.”

“She is my mate.” Eris growled.

“Mate’s aren’t always meant to be Eris. It’s only a biological match, not a political one. When you find an Autumn Court lady you’ll wonder why you ever spent time worrying over some Night Court harlot.” Eris snarled, despite himself. His brothers words were wrenched straight from Beron’s throat and he wouldn’t stand for it. Not from Asher. Not from his kind, loving Ash.

“Get out.” He said. Asher looked surprised, and—Eris was pleased to see—ashamed. He made no moves to leave, so Eris repeated himself, sharper this time.

“Get out.” He snapped, “Come back in the morning with more sense.”

Asher, chastised, fled from the tent, and Eris buried his head in his hands. What use was there protecting you from his brothers when it was certain your own said the same about him. There was no denying the cruel twist of fate the Mother had pulled on the both of you, destined to crash and burn. He imagined you in your own tent, laughing at the thought of him speared on another males sword. Mor sat next to you whispering all the terrible things he had done that day, terrible things to twist your mind and poison the very notion of him. He was too late, he was nothing but soot in the deep pit of your heart, choking the both of you.

He felt blindly for the bond, and found it, rotten.

---

The war was over, but the scars it had left were red raw and bleeding. Rhys had died. Your brother. The one who had sheltered you, loved you, given you a home and a family for a few agonising minutes had been gone. Gone. And yet that Cauldron damned bond had been chafing in the back of your mind. You sat in your bedroom riddled with guilt as it plagued your mind. Eris. Eris. Eris. He infested your mind, your senses, you were consumed by the very thought of him.

Walking through the streets of Velaris had started to feel claustrophobic, being around anyone beginning to suffocate you. You felt safer on your own. Recently you had taken to sheltering in your room, only emerging to eat. Your brothers eyed you with poorly concealed worry every time you walked, ghostlike, through the house, shuffling to the kitchen to fix a plate of leftovers then retreat hastily to your safe space.

Nesta was struggling too, after the war. It had left its scars in all of you. You could feel Cassian’s heart breaking the day Rhys sent her away with him, but all you could think about was whether your brother would do that to you. You thought you knew the looks he gave you.

Disgust.

What use was a flightless Illyrian female, who couldn’t train, couldn’t talk, couldn’t think. He was dead. Rhys was dead. And then he wasn’t. Why were Seren and your mother not afforded the same luxury. You grieved, and cried, and screamed. It truly was a sick thing, to use to the miracle of Rhys’ living to guilt yourself into believing there was hope for them. But then, everything in your mind had twisted of late.

Nesta began training. Nesta began healing. And you were stuck in your room.

Every morning without fail, Azriel came to check on you. He stroked your hair until you woke up, then retreated when you once again rejected his invitations to join them. The Valkyries, they were calling themselves. You would have been proud of Nesta if you could feel anything anymore.

Occasionally, you could feel a light tug on the bond, on the shackles that kept you bound to Eris. The first few times you had thrown up. Now it was little more than an annoyance. You were his dog, disobediently pulling your leash as you fell further and further into nothingness. His face in your mind was as cold as it had been on the battlefield as he yanked you back, choking you. You spluttered. Standing weakly, you made your way down to the kitchen, setting water on the stove to boil.

“Sister.” Cassian’s voice rang out behind you and you flinched, dropping your teaspoon. He bent to pick it up and set it down on the counter. “Azriel says you’ve been ignoring him. You’ve been ignoring all of us.”

You shrugged, the familiar pang of guilt squeezing your chest, making it difficult to breath. You braced both hands on the counter top, taking a ragged breath. Cassian was beside you in a heartbeat, holding you in his arms.

“Y/n, I’m worried about you. We all are.” He squeezed you closer to him, closer than you had allowed anyone in months. “Come and stay with Nes and I. Az is a terrible chaperone, and I need to see you. You could be wasting away down here and I wouldn’t know until it was too late.”

You shook your head, though you no longer knew why you resisted him. Your body melted against him, muscle memory taking over as he enveloped you in his wings. You swore you heard him sniffling as you hugged him back.

“Please, y/n.” He said, voice shaking. It didn’t take much more convincing.

A few days later, Rhys was helping you unpack your bags in your new room in the House of Wind. You took the room next to Azriel, who—Cassian had explained—was falling into bad habits again: Not eating, not sleeping, waking up in a cold sweat when he did finally drop off. Cassian wasn’t doing as well as he wanted you to believe, either. Twice in the following week you woke up to find him taking things from your room. And once, when you had floated downstairs in a miserable haze, you found him throwing up in the kitchen sink, an empty plate that had once held a batch of Elain’s cookies sitting on the table.

Nesta had dragged you to Valkyrie training a few times, and whilst you were beyond their current skill level, it had taken your mind off of things. Cassian’s eyes gleamed with pride everytime Nesta mastered an attack or a block. He touched her affectionately, he teased her, he lingered as she passed to breath in her scent. Watching them together was as painful as it was sweet. How simple love could be.

Would that you could be half as lucky.

Slowly you were emerging from your shell. You could smile again. Nesta invited you to read with her and the Valkyries, and in the silence you found firm friendship. Emerie was a gift from the Mother herself. You bonded instantly, both of you clipped, grounded, but neither broken. Many late nights were spent talking, about books, your brothers, or about Eris. Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn knew little of the Autumn prince, but you appreciated their outside perspective on the bond. It was still a bitter taste in your mouth, but it was becoming more bearable with each passing week.

---

There was a ball approaching in the Hewn City and Rhys had asked Nesta to attend. Not long after, she asked you to join her.

“I can’t do this alone, Y/n, please.” She said one night, sitting at the end of your bed. You bit your lip, unsure.

“Eris will be there.” You said.

“I’ll be the one dancing with him. Rhys wants him falling madly in love with me. He won’t look your way, I promise.” Nesta said. You knew she meant well by that. You had never wanted him anywhere near you before. But something about her oath left a sting. You frowned, which she took to mean you were still unconvinced.

“Please, Y/n. My sisters will be there, Rhys will be there. I’m not ready to face them all on my own, not yet.”

And so you found yourself stood atop the stairs the following week, draped in a black dress with a slit so high up one side your whole leg was practically exposed. The back scooped so low the dimples at the bottom of your spine peeked over top. You were devastating. Death in midnight silk. Rhys’ smile was that of pure brotherly pride as you walked down the steps, your hair pinned in braids and curls.

Nesta stole your breath away as she appeared in the hallway, but it wasn’t your gaze she sought out. You looked towards Cassian and could have sworn he was drooling. Eris would be blind-sided by her, of that you had no doubt.

In the Hewn City, they danced like lovers. Nesta as dangerous in the ballroom as she had become on the training grounds. Every move was calculated, every parting of her lips a dance of the mind, designed to ensnare Eris in her dastardly web. Eris was caught. And you burned.

Standing next to Azriel, heat rolled off you in waves. He took a step towards you, perhaps to offer you a drink, but found something in your eyes to make him change his mind. You hadn’t taken your eyes off of Eris all night. He was sinful. A courtier and a Prince. His hair pooled over his shoulders, one strand to the front neatly braided. You reminded yourself that this was the male that left your cousin for dead at his Court border. Biting your lip, your mind wandered to see yourself lying prone beneath him as he stood, smile widening, cock hardening in his—

“Get me a drink.” You ordered Az. He raised an eyebrow.

“What’s the magic word.”

“Azriel.” You growled, and he turned on his heel. Your eyes stayed pinned on Eris as he led Nesta across the dancefloor in a tantalizing waltz. His gaze finally met yours, and you saw a fraction of surprise before his emerald eyes darkened. He licked his lips, eyes locked with yours as he leaned down, and pressed a kiss to Nesta’s neck.

A/N: I have to thank @fandomsmultiverse for talking to me and giving me about 100 ideas to flesh this story out, I really hope you like it! There will be a part 2 coming soon! I wouldn't just leave you on a cliffhanger like that. We will see more of Eris and Reader interacting, and maybe.....some smut...

[samkerrworshipper]

las 15.

mapi leon x reader, alexia putellas x reader (platonic)

warnings: the spanish federation ick

erm look at me posting something 😮 anyways enjoy haha i kinda hate it but need to feed yall somehow

“You need to be aware of the consequences of what could happen if you sign this document.”

You stared down at the mahogany surface of your lawyers desk, it was dark, sanded, smooth and shiny. Contemporary, but it also looked old, like a heirloom. It distracted your from the non stop drawl.

“I don’t care, I’m signing it.”

Your eyes travelled along the surface, lookinbg at the different waves of wood and the way that the dark colours marbled together.

“The RFEF could come for you, they could try and take your license. You might not compete at the world cup, the press will come for you, Vilda will come for you, Barca could reduce your playing time, it could be the end of your career. There are other negatives.”

You’ve thought about all of them of course, how could you not?

“I’ve already said it, I don’t care. Let them come for me, let them do whatever they want. I am done with it all. Fourteen other players have signed it, no? I will be the fifteenth and that is final.”

You weren’t a big fan of your lawyer, he was old and money oriented. He also didn’t have your best interest in mind, his sole focus was earning you as much money as possible, which had been fine up until today.

“So what? You plan to be the best in the world and never play international football again? This will ruin your career, it will put an end to the Ballon D’or campaign, it will change things for you, you can’t just do this because your girlfriend does it as well, this will be detrimental for you.”

The wood grooved at the edges, flattening out and curving so the edges weren’t too sharp.

“I refuse to stand by and submit myself to abuse. That’s what happens every time I go to that place, every time I go to camp I submit myself to abuse, torture, horrific conditions. The fact that you would even dare imply that I would do this for anybody but myself is preposterous. I am better than the condition I am being subkmitted to, I deserve better than to be objectified and treated as if I am dirt on that man’s shoe and I refuse to be treated as such. I have standards for myself and the people around me and I refuse to live by these for much longer. I’ll draft up the letter, I’ll send it to you for editing purposes and once your done you will send it to the RFEF, consequences be damned. You should be glad that I lasted two more windows then everyone else, honestly I’m ashamed that I didn’t do this earlier, but I’m ready to take a stand with everybody else now. I don’t want to play in a World Cup if it means this is how I will live my life.”

You looked up at your lawyer, hoping the fire burning in your soul was reflective in your eyes.

“This is a bad decision, you are thinking with your heart and not your head, this is unlike you.”

You pulled your eyes from the mahogany, standing up from your seat slowly.

“No, I’m thinking with my own interests, not yours, not my managers, not my bank accounts. I’m thinking with my mental health, my emotional health and my physical health. For the first time in my life I am taking time to focus on myself, so tyeah maybe it’s unlike me, but I’d like to think this might be the a better version of me, I’ll email you my letter, all you havr to do is forward it, if it’s such a struggle don’t even bother reading it, I don’t care what you have to say, I’m legally obligated to make you aware of any contractual issues so here I am. Give a fuck, don’t give a fuck, it doesn’t change anything for me, I’ve made my decision and nothing or nobody will make me change my mind.”

You didn’t wait around to hear what he planned to say in rebuttal, exiting the stuffy office as quickly as your legs would allow.

You made it to your car before you felt the tears flooding down your face. Even now, even after you’d tried to speak out you still felt like you were being silenced, like nothing had changed. That’s why you were doing what you were doing, why you knew this was what you needed to do. It didn’t make it any easier though, knowing that no matter what choices you made, even if they were for the good of you there were still going to be people around you who condemned them.

You were supposed to be at training, but you’d taken the day of to finalise all this bullshit. It was frustrating, knowing that the choices you were making for the good of yourself could end up being harmful to your career in a multitude of ways, it was all so fucking hard.

Everybody was at training, and yet here you were balling your eyes out in the carpark of your stupid fucking lawyers office.

If you hadn’t hit rock bottom at the last camp, the this was it, this was your final straw.

It was all too much, you’d been holding out for too long, but the mixture of the other 14 girls refusing to come back and Alexia’s injury had been enough of a motivation for Vilda to try and ruin your life. It had started with extra training after your sessions, then sessions in the mornings, then separating you from the rest of the team, limiting your diet, gym sessions, changing your schedules to everybody elses, punishing you for nothing, treating you like you were a slave to the Spanish Women’s team.

You were the best midfielder they had, excluding Alexia, and she was hurt, you were the scapegoat for the team, you were responsible for the wins and the reason for the losses.

You knew that with your leave, somebody else would end up taking your role, probably Aitana who was far to young to deal with that kind of pain, and you felt bad, you felt more guilty than you thought possible, but you couldnt do it for any longer, you couldn’t act like it wasn’t killing you on the inside for every second that you spent away with those people.

You hated it, you hated feeling like nothing, you hated feeling worthless, you hated living your life like it was pointless, you couldn’t do it for any longer, not when you were giving up every single part of yourself to keep yourself together.

You couldn’t stay how you were, crying in the drivers seat of your car milling over the memories of your last camp, you needed to leave, needed to go somewhere, needed to talk somebody.

Before you really knew what you were doing you’d started driving, letting the tears drip onto your lap and the steering wheel as you frantically drove your way through the city.

You couldn’t be alone, but you also couldn’t handle all the eyes of your teammates, so you drove to the one other place that you could think of where you hoped somebody would be.

You tried your hardest to wipe the tears from your face, but they kept falling, the sleeve of your shirt getting damper by the second as you tried to wipe up the evidence of your breakdown. It was useless, and eventually you gave up, stepping out of your car and ducking your head as you walked towards the lift and navigated your way through the apartment building.

The person you were looking for didn’t answer the door, instead you were put face to face with Olga.

“Hola chica, Ale didn’t tell me she was expecting visitors.”

You bit down on your lip, tapping your foot against the floor as you peeked around Olga, searching for the person you were seeking out.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell her, I can go home, I know she’s been busy with her rehab, I don’t even know how I ended up here.”

Olga tugged at your arm before you could spit anything else out, tugging you through the door and closing it from behind you.

“Nonsense chica, you’re very welcome here, Alexia is sitting out on the balcony doing her exercises, she’ll be more than happy to have your company, just head on through, your always welcome here.”

You nodded at Olga, smiling at her as much as you could with your lip still stuck between your teeth.

“Thank you, thank you so much, I really appreciate.”

You tried to ignore the tears that were still dripping down your face, it didn’t feel like you were crying, even though you were, it more felt like you were shedding a layer of yourself, the layer that was holding all of the trauma that you’d been holding in, like it was your way of getting rid of it all.

Alexia’s apartment was meticulously clean as ever, but you spotted her out in the sun easily.

She was standing outside, in a pose similar to ones you did in your yoga sessions.

She looked at peace, like she was calm, like she was serene, the complete polar opposite to how you felt and you really didn’t want to burden her with your problems, but you were here now anyways.

You tiptoed over to the glass sliding door, pushing it open, causing Alexia’s head to peak up at you. She looks at you with curiosity, but doesn;t move, instead her head nods you towards one of the outdoor lounges beside her, which you beeline for.

She stays in her position as she addresses you.

“The appointment with your lawyer didn’t go well then?”

You did a double take as you stared at Alexia, shocked at the information she’d somehow managed to obtain.

“You don’t take me for a idiota do you? Mapi told me you had a appointment you were keeping quiet about this morning, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out who it must have been with, considering recent events. Although your girlfriend wasn’t smart enough to work it out herself.”

Alexia stayed in her stretch, looking at you as if to prompt you to tell her more.

“Yes, I had a appointment with my lawyer, Alexia.”

Alexia smirked to herself, she was one of the most obersvanet people you knew, nothing got by her, you weren’t all that surprised to find out that this hadn’t.

“You’ll be joining the group then?”

You hadn’t really comes to terms with it, let alone saying it out loud.

“That’s the plan, should be official by tomorrow.”

Tears were still dripping down your face, you couldn’t find yourself caring though.

“Good for you. You deserve better, we all deserve better, may we all hopefully make a change.”

Alexia wasn’t officially a part of the movement, but she was everyway besides a signature as equally involved as everybody else.

“It just feels like i’m letting the team down, that I’m letting everyone down.”

Alexia nodded at you, finally coming out of her stretch and walking over to sit down next to you.

“You’re doing what’s good for you chica, your doing something that is going to make you happier, that is going to make your life better. Nobody else matters beyond that, trust me.”

Alexia looked at you, like she was genuinely struggling to help you out in the moment. She had been your mentor at Barca for forever, you seeked out her advice more than anybody elses, especially in this moment.

“I don’t know how to do it anymore, it’s like he was trying to ruin my fucking life, like his whole purpose for everyday was to make my life a living hell, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t walk around camp acting like it was fine, I couldn’t smile at cameras and talk to the press and tell them about how great I was feeling when it was all lies, all I wanted to do was leave, or sleep, or die, all because of his and his staff. They were hardly feeding me, hardly letting me sleep, hardly giving me a break and expecting me to perform at the same level as everybody else, if not better. I just couldn’t do it anymore Ale, it was too much.”

Alexia’s arm placed itself on your knee, squeezing your covered skin.

“You shouldn’t have to, you needed to leave and you did, you made the right decision chica, you made a impossible decision that will make your life 100 times easier, it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you so incredibly brave for being able to identify that you were being treated wrongly and that you needed to remove yourself from that space.”

The tears kept falling, your pants were slowly becoming soaked with the raw emotion.

“Mapi did it because of the abuse, because she had a legitimate reason, I’m leaving because they worked me a little bit harder than everybody else, it feels like I’m overreacting.”

You could feel Alexia rolling her eyes from beside you.

“Really? Has Mapi told you that?”

Mapi had told you that you deserved the world, you deserved everything you wanted, you deserved to be treated like a queen, not how the RFEF was treating you. She’d told you the decision was yours, that she would support you no matter what you did, but she’d also told you that after every camp you came back with a little bit less of yourself, that Vilda was stripping parts of you away to use at his mercy.

“It’s not the same thing, Patri, Pina, Mapi, they all have good reasons, they’ve all been hurt, Vilda is just trying to make me better, trying to make me worthy.”

Alexia’s hand squeezed tighter.

“You’re lying to yourself and you know it. As long as he is in charge, you aren’t going to get treated how you deserve, none of us are. We’ve all paid our dues, yet they don’t give a shit, they break us all down until we’ve got nothing left to give. They broke me down until I did my acl, if you hadn’t of left they would have done the same to you. It’s nonstop, even if it isn’t the same kind of abuse as Mapi, it’s still abuse, they still rip out every part of you in the process. Each time you come back you have less of yourself to offer, but they keep taking, and taking, they make us feel nothing. It’s a waste, it’s a waste of the wonderful life we’ve all been gifted. We deserve to be happy, we deserve to be free of the pain.”

You nodded your head, you’d been avoiding telling Mapi about all of this. You were conscious that she was still working through a lot of her own trauma, and you didn’t want to reopen scars that were only just beginning to heal.

“I don’t know what to do Ale, I sign the papers, I write the letters and I’m taking a stand, I’m trying to make a change. I stay, I wreck it all, but I keep my career. It feels like I’m at a crossroads with myself, and I can’t talk about it weith Maps because god forbid shes already been through enough with her own struggle through it all, she doesn’t need me on top of that.”

Alexia stood back up, getting back onto her mat and pushing herself into another stretch, all whilst she maintained eye contact with you.

“Mapi’s talked to you about her struggles, si? She’s burdening you with her own problems, yet it doesn’t feel that way, because you love her and you’d do anything to make her pain less. I guarantee she’d feel the exact same way. You’ve been through a lot, none of us will ever be able to completely comprehend what you’ve been through, but if you started talking to your loved ones about it we’d be able to support you better. Or a therapist, I know Barca has been giving you sessions, but I mean a real psychologist, not just a person who tells you that you need a day off. You need somebody to help you, to actually make you feel like you deserve better than how they treated you, because I know that you know that but I don’t think you really believe it.”

The tears were slowly coming to a standstill, slipping less frequently down your face as Alexia talked to you.

“I don’t want to make her hurt any more than she already has.”

Alexia just looked at you, with that double eyebrow raise and little crinkle in her forehead.

“If you think that Maria wouldn’t do anything for you, even if it meant sucking every single inch of pain from your body and putting it into hers, she would do it and she would do it with a smile on her face. Her whole world, her whole solar system revolves around you and she’d want you to talk to her about this. She knows better than anybody else what you’re experiencing, she’s literally been where you are, so why not talk to her about it?”

It was true, for as long as Mapi and you had been together she’d tried to fix every single thing, she would do anything to make you feel better, this didn’t feel the same though.

“She deserves to live in a world where Vilda, where the RFEF, don’t affect her anymore. She signed the petition, she’s cleaned her hands of it all, and I should have done it with her, but I didn’t. I chose to keep playing for the benefit of my career, because I was greedy and decided that a Ballon D’or and any kind of accolade I was a shot at was more important then taking a stand and I hate it. I hate that now that I’ve won things that suddenly it’s all hit me that I don’t like what’s been happening, and I don’t want to support it. Mapi doesn’t deserve to go through it a second time, all because I was greedy.”

Alexia switched sides on her stretch, the sun was radiating off of her olive skin and her blonde hair, she looked ethereal.

“Have you told her anything about it?”

Alexia was frowning, like she was shocked by your actions.

“She knows that I was struggling at camp, she told me I was welcome to talk to her. After the last one she knew something had changed, she told me she was worried and I shook her off, because I thought she was being overprotective, but she was right, she had reason to be worried, I wasn’t okay. I’m not okay, i don’t know how to process it all.”

Alexia nodded.

“Go home, tell her what’s happening, see what she says, I think it’ll be a lot better than whatever you’ve thought up. Mapi has been my bestfriend for years, she’s dated my sister, she’s dated my friends and I can confidently tell you that she loves you more than any of them, you’re her do or die, all she’ll want to do is support you, please just go and talk to her.”

Alexia looked at you with such conviction and honesty that you couldn’t find it in you to try and fight her on the topic.

“Thank you Ale, I needed this, I needed to talk to somebody, needed to feel less crazy.”

Alexia did one last stretch before standing up, pulling you into a tight hug before you could pull away.

“You’re not crazy chica, you’re going through a very real, very hard time, and you deserve to have the people around you show you how much they love you.”

Alexia let go of you, shoving you back towards the door.

“Go talk to your girl, and sign those papers, and be happy, enjoy life, enjoy peace. You deserve it, chica.”

You nodded into Alexia’s shoulder, letting go of her and slipping back into her apartment, leaving her to get back to her stretching.

You shivered when you spotted Mapi’s car already parked in her spot. You knew you’d be cutting it close with getting home earlier then her, but you’d held a silent hope that you would be the first home. You hesitated to exit your car, scared of what the inside of your apartment held. You weren’t scared so much, more a little bit tentative of the conversation that you were about to have, knowing that it could majorly impact your relationship. In your heart, you knew that Mapi would love you no matter what, but it didn’t calm the nerves inside of you as you pulled your keys from the ignition, pulled out the papers that your lawyer had given you and exited your car.

The whole walk from your car, to the elevator and then down the hallway to your apartment had your heart thrumming inside of your chest. Your hands were quite literally shaking as you pushed your key into the door.

You toed your shoes off at the door, slotting them down beside the door before slowly walking your way through the entrance. It wasn’t hard to find Mapi, she was right in front of you, sitting down at the island bench, patting Bagheera and eating a post training salad. You knew that there was one meant for you still sitting on the shelf of your fridge, from when the two of you had meal planned yesterday. She looked so undisturbed, with the afternoon light coming in through the gaps in the blinds and the general silence that you were about to break.

You announce yourself by slinging your bag down against the wall, a loud enough noise that seems to wake Mapi from her happy daze.

She smiles as soon as her eyes set on you and it only makes the weight in your gut feel ten times heavier and the pain in your heart ten times worse.

You wanted to turn around and walk right back out the door you’d just walked through, but you couldn’t, not with the way that Mapi looked at you, like her whole day had been made by your appearance.

“Hola bebita, how was your meeting?”

Mapi’s smiling ear to ear, quite literally, you swear you can see every single one of her teeth. It had hurt you to lie to Mapi about where you were going today, telling her that you’d had a crucial appointment with your manager about some media things, it wasn’t a direct lie. You had met with your manager, instead of it being positive though, it had been quite the opposite.

You didn’t have any words to reiterate to Mapi, so instead you just picked up the papers that were tucked away in your hands and placed them down on the island infront of her.

Mapi looked at you with confusion for a few seconds.

“Just read them, you’ll understand it more once you have.”

Mapi didn’t hesitate, picking up the first piece of paper and scanning over it, before moving onto the second, then the third and so on, till she’d made it through the entire stack.

You stood anxiously on your toes the whole time, balancing from one foot to the other as you contemplated how Mapi was going to reply to this sudden change.

When she did finish, she looked up at you, a lot of questions hidden behind her curious eyes.

“I’m resigning, or requesting they don’t call me up. I don’t want to play for a federation that doesn’t care about me. I’m sorry I didn’t do it earlier, but I wasn’t ready and I’m sorry I’m bother you with it now but I’m also sorry I didn’t tell you about it earlier, I met with my lawyer for the first time today to sign the documents and write my statement. If it all goes to plan then they should be out in the next week. I don’t want to do it anymore, I can’t do it anymore, I’m sorry.”

Mapi blinked a few times, like you’d just blindsided her completely, and you figured you had.

“I didn’t even really know it was happening until after last camp, and I just realised that I was so exhausted and so tired and so sick of it all that I couldn’t do it again. I should have done it earlier, I should have been a part of it all from the start but I was scared and I still am scared Maps. This is supposed to be my job, I’m supposed to be grateful for the opportunities I’m given and yet I feel like I’m a fraud and I’m lying when I say that because I’m not grateful and I’m not happy and I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t. I’ve been praying every night that I get injured, so that I get a break like Ale, and I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”

Mapi just stood up and pulled you into her arms, silencing the rambling and making you realise that you were now crying again.

She slowly led you towards the couch, bringing you into her arms as you tried to take control of yourself.

It felt like every piece of anguish, every piece of fear, every piece of internal hatred was slowly being pulled from your body and it felt so good, like you were somehow being healed.

Mapi wiated until you were coherent enough, until you felt more resurfaced, and less like the bloodn was rushing through your ears and every though of self-doubt was spirally through the different ridges of your brain.

“Princesa, you’ve made this decision for you, si? Not because of me, not because of anybody else, because you believe this is best for you?”

You nodded into her chest, enjoying the feeling of your own skin pressed directly to hers.

“I’m sick of them making me feel this way Maps, I don’t like it, I don’t think it’s right.”

Mapi’s body was surrounding you, her scent, her feel, her everything, and it was all you’d needed today, everything that Alexia had assured you would make you feel better.

Mapi’s salad was forgotten on the counter.

Bagheera was somewhere else.

It was just the two of you, just the two of you to face everything.

“We’re put into boxes, as women, men try to make us be everything and yet nothing. It’s not right, we’re expected to be as good as the men, but we have to behave eloquently, say our pleases and thank yous and never be ungrateful for the piss poor conditions we put up with. We’re supposed to be passionate, but we’re not allowed to over react in any way. We can only underperform, not overperform. There are no expectations for us, because we’re women and we’re supposed to be worse than the men, but they’re are also so many expectations for us to meet. It’s okay for you to be done with that, there is nothing wrong with you saying no to constantly being abused. You’re not a fraud bebita and I’m here for you no matter what. You’re my girlfriend first, a person second and a soccer player last. It doesn’t matter, none of it matters, you matter, you’re feelings and how you feel is what matters.”

Mapi’s hand pulled your head from her neck, her lips connecting with your forehead with ease.

“I’m not doing it anymore Maps. I want to be strong, I want to say no. I want to be a part of the right side of history. I don’t want to sit around pretending everything’s fine when it’s not fine. It’s nowhere near fine and until there is a change it won’t be.”

Mapi nodded, pressing a series of kisses to your forehead.

“Then we’ll work it out, you’ll keep me in the loop and we’ll figure it out together, no more hiding these big feelings from me. We’ll go and see our therapists and take soe time off and do whatever you need to feel safe and happy, because what matters is you, nobody else, si?”

You nodded your head once again, enjoying the same smile that her face was covered in. her lips migrated down to your cheeks, pressing kisses to the rosiest parts, pushing the tears away.

“I’ve got you bebita, we’ve got each other, we’re going to be fine, we all are.”

[rkvriki]

— kisses with enhypen

heyy!! i haven't been writing much im sorry! im trying to focus on my mental health coz your girl here was stressing with tests. anywayy hope you enjoy this idea i got from pinterest!

make sure to leave feedback. my requests are open and so is my talk box so let's talk!

WARNINGS ! mentions of insecurities, kissing thighs but in a sfw way! might contain grammar errors.

word count: 1.6K

LEE HEESEUNG !

— kisses your earlobe

heeseung is a tease when it comes to kissing you and he knows how you get when he kisses your earlobe.

sometimes you both are just cuddling, watching a movie and he will slowly start trailing kisses from your jaw, up to your cheek and your earlobe. 

he knows you will get ticklish and he loves seeing a reaction out of you just for the heck of it.

he will leave soft kisses there and might even suck the area, making you squirm and push him away, telling him to stop but he knows damn well you don’t want him to stop.

 — kisses your stomach

it's a tender and loving type of kiss.

hee loves taking naps while lying his head on your chest or tummy while you run your fingers through his hair.

when he’s half awake he will slip your shirt up a little just to reveal your stomach and will kiss it while running his hand through your waist, making you feel butterflies in your tummy.

if you ever feel insecure about your body or your stomach specifically he will love to kiss it even more, showing you how much he loves every inch of you.

rest under the cut !

PARK JONGSEONG !

— kisses your cheek

a sweet and basic kiss but still one of his favorite places to kiss.

jay will kiss your cheek in a simple way of greeting you or as a loving gesture.

sometimes you're doing simple chores and he’ll come behind you and leave chaste kisses from your neck to your cheek, giving special attention to it.

or you’re working on your computer and he will lean down to kiss your cheek lovingly, making you fold into his touch.

he just loves your cheeks so much, no matter if they are slim or chubby he will love them.

— kisses your collarbones

jay laying on your chest when you guys sleep together.

when he wakes up normally you aren’t awake yet, so he always finds a way to wake you up so you can eat breakfast together.

he will start kissing you neck down to your collarbones, since he has easy access to it from his head laying on your chest.

he starts softly sucking your collarbones, without any intentions behind, just as a soft gesture.

 when you finally wake up he will slide up and kiss your cheek and tell you to get ready to go eat breakfast.

SIM JAEYUN !

— kisses your forehead

to jake a kiss on the forehead can be so gentle and loving, and sometimes a way of showing he cares about you.

sometimes you just had a long day and just wanted to be in jake’s arms and he will be right at your service.

he will embrace you and tell you reassuring words while gently rubbing your back and down.

he will slightly pull away, still keeping you in his arms and will look at you with a smile and lean down to your height to leave a sweet kiss on your forehead while holding you tighter.

he is definitely is the type to rest his chin on the top of your head while hugging you.

— kisses your lips

jake has the most kissable lips ever, i have said it before and i will keep saying it over and over again.

even though it’s the most common and obvious place to kiss someone, it’s the most romantic for jake.

he loves watching your lips when you talk, which makes you frustrated and he knows it.

sometimes you will be rambling about whatever and he will interrupt you with a kiss on your lips making you whine in complaint. he pulls back and smirks at you and nods for you to keep going, making you roll your eyes at him.

PARK SUNGHOON !

—  kisses your fingertips

sunghoon does this almost unconsciously.

you two would be talking on the couch of your living room, a random movie playing in the background as you talked about random topics.

as you were laying down he held your hand in his, playing with the ring he gave you on your finger as he listened to you talking.

he would bring your hand to his lips as he left light kisses on each of your fingertips, covering your smaller hand with his bigger one when he finished.

he didn’t even realize you stopped talking and were looking at him with a smile, making him blush and get shy at you.

— kisses your shoulder

sunghoon loves kissing our shoulder in a confronting and loving way.

he does it mostly when he is hugging you from behind.

we all know he isn’t much of a morning person, but you make them a little better from him.

so when he wakes up and doesn’t find you on your side of the bed, he gets up to find you in the kitchen making breakfast for both of you.

he comes up behind you, wrapping his muscled arms around your waist, startling you a little bit.

he rests his chin on your shoulder as he watches you making the food. he pushes the sleeve of your shirt down a little just enough to reveal the skin of your shoulder and starts leaving kisses there, making your heart flutter.

KIM SUNOO !

— kisses your nose

sunoo has a special love for your nose.

he just loves how well it suits, no matter if it’s pointy, button, long or small, he loves it. it’s his favorite feature of yours.

he loves seeing it scrunch up when you laugh at something he said.

he will purposely make you laugh just to see it cutely twitch and don’t you dare hide it with your hands.

he will kiss your nose mid laugh making you scrunch it up even more.

he finds it such a cute and playful gesture and it shows so much affection and adoration.

— kisses your neck

sunoo finds neck kisses very intimate not in a sexual way but in a romantic one.

sunoo is a big cuddler and he loves being cuddled. he prefers when you hold him instead of him holding you.

so when you two are laying down in your bed ready to go to sleep, he is wrapped around you like a koala, with you holding him in your arms, he hides his face in your neck, fitting like a puzzle.

he softly inhales your scent, fresh out of the shower, his lashes softly fluttering tickling your neck, making you giggle lightly.

he starts leaving light, soft kisses on your neck, making you sigh happily and squeeze him tighter in your embrace.

YANG JUNGWON !

— kisses the corner of your lips

jungwon is a tease and loves leaving you wishing for more.

it is a playful and flirty gesture, maybe corny but it makes you laugh at the playful face he makes after.

you two would be fooling around with each other on your couch. jungwon would kiss everywhere in your face but your lips, purposely avoiding your lips just to tease you.

you would start whining in annoyance for him avoiding the place where you craved his lips the most.

he would start kissing your cheek again slowly trailing his lips towards your own, reaching the corner and leaving a kiss there. his lips hover yours and when he went to finally kiss you he gets up, laughing at your dumbfounded expression.

— kisses your inner thighs

jungwon does this in a non sexual way obviously. he just knows it tickles you and does it to annoy you.

he loves laying between your thighs, with his back resting on your stomach, while your legs rest at his sides.

you watch movies like that all the time, while his fingers softly caress your legs.

when jungwon gets bored he starts leaving kisses from your knee to your inner thigh, smooching them softly, making you giggle from the tickling sensation it leaves on your skin.

he starts leaving more kisses just to tickle you, pushing your legs down so you can’t run away from him.

NISHIMURA RIKI !

— kisses your lower lip

niki is very passionate when it comes to you, and kissing your lower lip to him shows a lot of passion and it’s an intimate gesture.

you and niki don’t spend a lot of time together, since he has a very busy schedule and you still study, so when you both have time together you spend it at home enjoying each other's presence in each other's arms.

niki starters leaving cute and short pecks on your lips, until you hold his nape making the kiss linger for a little more.

he pulls back and leans down targeting your lower lip, taking it between his plush ones.

the action makes your heart flutter and your cheeks heat up, especially when he bites your lip while pulling back and watches your flustered reaction.

— kisses the top of your head

niki finds this such a nurturing and loving gesture. it’s also a comforting kiss for you.

he loves hugging you and since he is so tall he rests his head on top of yours as he embraces you.

when he knows you are feeling more gloomy and down he will just come up to you and hug you, letting you release all your emotions.

he rubs you back comfortingly and hugs you tighter as your sobs grow and you let out your cries of sadness.

when you calm down he pulls back a little to wipe your tears and kisses the top of your head, letting his lips linger there and your breath calms down.

[bitchesgetriches]

{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Saving Money and Being Frugal

We’re all in this together. Don’t give up.

On food and groceries:

How to Shop for Groceries like a Boss

Why Name Brand Products Are Beneath You: The Honor and Glory of Buying Generic

If You Don’t Eat Leftovers I Don’t Even Want to Know You

You Are above Bottled Water, You Elegant Land Mermaid

You Should Learn To Cook. Here’s Why.

On entertainment and socializing:

The Frugal Introvert’s Guide to the Weekend

7 Totally Reasonable Ways To Save Money on Cheap Entertainment 

Take Pride in Being a Cheap Date

The Library Is a Magical Place and You Should Fucking Go There

Your Library Lets You Stream Audiobooks and eBooks FOR FREEEEEEE!

What’s the Effect of Social Media on Your Finances?

You Won’t Regret Your Frugal 20s

On health:

How to Pay Hospital Bills When You’re Flat Broke

Run With Me if You Want to Save: How Exercising Will Save You Money

Our Master List of 100% Free Mental Health Self-Care Tactics

Why You Probably Don’t Need That Gym Membership

How to Get DIRT CHEAP Pet Medication, Without a Prescription 

On other big expenses:

Businesses Will Happily Give You HUGE Discounts if You Ask This Magic Question

Understand the Hidden Costs of Travel and Avoid Them Like the Plague

Other People’s Weddings Don’t Have to Make You Broke

You Deserve Cheap, Fake Jewelry… Just Like Coco Chanel

3 Times I Was Damn Grateful for My Emergency Fund (and Side Income) 

When (and How) to Try Refinancing or Consolidating Student Loans

The Real Story of How I Paid Off My Mortgage Early in 4 Years 

Season 2, Episode 2: “I’m Not Ready to Buy a House—But How Do I *Get Ready* to Get Ready?”

The Most Impactful Financial Decision I’ve Ever Made… and Why I Don’t Recommend It

On buying secondhand and trading:

Almost Everything Can Be Purchased Secondhand

I Am a Craigslist Samurai and so Can You: How to Sell Used Stuff Online

The Delicate Art of the Friend Trade

On giving gifts and charitable donations:

How Can I Tame My Family’s Crazy Gift-Giving Expectations?

In Defense of Shameless Regifting

Make Sure Your Donations Have the Biggest Impact by Ruthlessly Judging Charities

The Anti-Consumerist Gift Guide: I Have No Gift to Bring, Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum

How to Spot a Charitable Scam

Ask the Bitches: How Do I Say “No” When a Loved One Asks for Money… Again? 

On resisting temptation:

How to Insulate Yourself From Advertisements

Making Decisions Under Stress: The Siren Song of Chocolate Cake

The Magically Frugal Power of Patience

6 Proven Tactics for Avoiding Emotional Impulse Spending

On minimalism and buying less:

Don’t Spend Money on Shit You Don’t Like, Fool

Everything I Know About Minimalism I Learned from the Zombie Apocalypse

Slay Your Financial Vampires

The Subscription Box Craze and the Mindlessness of Wasteful Spending

On saving money:

How To Start Small by Saving Small

Not Every Savings Account Is Created Equal

The Unexpected Benefits (and Downsides) of Money Challenges

Budgets Don’t Work for Everyone—Try the Spending Tracker System Instead

From HYSAs to CDs, Here’s How to Level Up Your Financial Savings

Season 2, Episode 10: “Which Is Smarter: Getting a Loan? or Saving up to Pay Cash?”

The Magic of Unclaimed Property: How I Made $1,900 in 10 Minutes by Being a Disorganized Mess

We will periodically update this list with newer articles. And by “periodically” I mean “when we remember that it’s something we forgot to do for four months.”

Bitches Get Riches: setting realistic expectations since 2017!

Start saving right heckin’ now!

If you want to start small with your savings, consider signing up for an Acorns account! They round up your every purchase to the nearest dollar and save and invest the change for you. We like them so much we’ve generously allowed them to sponsor us with this affiliate link:

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[demieyesore]

Thinking about Stalker!Anakin x Depressed!Reader

Tag list - Add yourself to my tag list or to my anon emojis through my pinned post ! @vixxensvoid @maevesversion @sockiess @stylesslytherinskywalker @myheadhurtscutely @yourenogoodforme @gallerygourmet

For this, we’ll say that reader is going through a depressive episode and isn’t always like this so they don’t know how to cope

Stalker!Anakin that absolutely loves the fact that you have to rely on him, he hates that you’re struggling mentally, but overall he has the most toxic need for you to be completely dependent on him

You haven’t been eating enough recently? Of course he’ll make sure to restock your kitchen for you! You don’t have enough energy to even get up and make yourself something? He’ll do it for you. You probably sleep a lot and it’s easier for him to sneak in and cook something for you so that way when you wake up, you can just eat whatever he made!

Either you’re sleeping too much or too little, either way Ani will help. If you’re absolutely restless at night, he’ll do everything he can to help you relax. Make you a cup of tea, use aromatherapy, put on some background noise that isn’t distracting, and if you already have sleeping pills, he’ll make sure you take them.

Speaking of pills, any kind of medication you take whether it’s for your depression, or maybe you take some for anxiety, or to just stabilize your mood. He’ll make sure it’s in a reachable place, probably on your bedside table so you can take it without even getting out of bed.

On the off chance that you’re suicidal, you can bet your ass that he’s taking everything out of your apartment that could harm you. You won’t have access to your medication bottles, in fear that you’ll overdose. You wouldn’t have any sharp knives, razors, rope, etc. Anything that he thinks could end your life, will be moved into his place until further notice.

If you’re struggling with hygiene, he’ll still be there for you. Of course he can’t force you to get up and take a shower but he’ll make it easier on you. He’ll leave your toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, whatever else you have for your oral hygiene on your bedside table, maybe a vanity or desk if you have one in your room.

He’d make sure to put clean clothes on your bathroom counter, knowing damn well that if you do shower, you probably wouldn’t even pick out clean clothes.

Most of your laundry is probably dirty, so he’d take it upon himself to make sure that you have clean clothes, if you’re actually out of bed, maybe on a walk to get some sunlight, he’ll even wash your bedding and sheets.

If you’re actually out of the house, it’s honestly a miracle. Being home all day long makes it harder for him to sneak in, although if your sleep schedule is fucked up enough, it makes it easier for him to sneak in during the day. If you’re out of the house, he’d for sure be inside your home, making sure that everything is taken care of. Trash taken out, dishes done, floors swept and mopped.

Your financial situation can be tricky, if you have a job then it helps that you’re out of the house, if you’re unemployed, he’d definitely make sure you have all the money you need. Maybe you’re rich and don’t have to worry about money. But maybe you also work from home and need to get work done on your laptop. Anything you didn’t finish up, he’ll finish for you.

If you’re in college, he’d help with your schoolwork load, making sure any essays are done on time.

If you’re isolating yourself from people, it would give him a sick kind of happiness, knowing that you don’t need anyone but him. Although he’d still feel bad, knowing that social interaction is important for mental health. He’d make sure that your friends and family stop by. Maybe he steals your phone and texts them, or maybe they just decide to stop by. Either way, he’ll make sure you’re awake and ready to meet them.

He knows how important it is to get off your phone when depressed, he’d probably delete all the social media off your phone, even going as far as to set up a parental lock on the AppStore so anytime you want to download something, you’d need a code.

He’d make sure you have access to your hobbies and passions. Reconnecting with those things will make you feel better. If you’re an artist, you better expect to see new sketchbooks, pencils, markers, paints, canvases, all of it.

Okay that’s all I’ve been thinking about ❤️

[ironunderstands]

God I love being correct (2.2 leaks incoming!!!)

“Jade saved Aventurine!!!” “Jade helped him out of the kindness of her own heart!!” “Jade is such a mother figure to Aventurine!!”

mmm yeah, definitely yup 100%

Honestly this fucking speaks for itself, and I’m so glad hoyo committed to the evil on her, she’s very compelling and that’s extremely cunty I must give her credit for it, but god do I absolutely despise the people who believe Jade and Aventurine have a healthy relationship, or that she “saved” him out of the kindness of her own heart or something.

To Jade, Aventurine is an investment, nothing more and nothing less, which is why she puts her faith in him, he’s a reliable business opportunity, but that’s not the same as caring about him personally and I really need people to get the difference

If Aventurine hadn’t proved himself useful to her, she would have left him to rot in prison or succumb to his death sentence, this isn’t saving, it’s exploitation.

Jade knows Aventurine couldn’t decline whatever offer she made, and anything is worse than death or slavery, the things he’s trying to escape, so she offers for him to join the IPC to make more money for them. That’s it, that’s all she wants, she doesn’t care about how bad being in the IPC is for Aventurine’s mental health, how he literally took on a suicide mission so he could escape being a stoneheart, how even if she “saved” him, his banner name is literally “gilded imprisonment” and his lightcone “inherently unjust destiny”, so damn she did a real good job at saving him and fixing his life, definitely didn’t just put him in a pair of gilded chains.

Also like can we talk about how weird Jades comment about his eyes were? Like it’s genuinely creepy to me considering Avens eyes are a) one of his biggest insecurities and b) people fetishize them, something which Jade knows and chooses to still comment about. I hate to say it, but I feel like if this was a male Jade saying that to a female Aventurine, yall would never let that slide and Jade would never beat the p3do allegations. Aventurine was likely a teenager/young adult in that scene, and either way there is a visible power dynamic between them (I mean Aven is literally in chains looking up at her), and I don’t think if the situation was flip flopped people would be treating Jade like some kinda hero. If they were the same gender I feel like people would be shipping them though 😭

So, yeah. Being correct feels amazing, pls use your brains and realize that just because one character sounds kinda nice to another, does not mean they actually care about them or are a good person!

[void-tiger]

Thinking about you, even when I can’t be around you, I want to be better, and want better for myself. I feel brave enough to be ambitious.

And when anxiety isn’t eating away at either of us? I can finally feel safe enough to be at rest. Not need to fade away or else be “on” all the time. (I still want you to feel as comfortable teasing me playfully and cracking jokes directly with me and letting yourself ramble that you are seemingly with everyone else, though. That’s how I truly know I’m connected to someone.)

In short, I miss you. And it has nothing to do with your travels.

[lostgirlmuseum]

Give Me A Sign

Made with photos from Pinterest ^

Word Count: 2.3k

Pairing: Bucky x f!reader

Summary: Bucky asks the universe for a reason to live. The universe delivers you.

Warnings: HUGE WARNING, please do not read if this makes you uncomfortable! Heavy suicidal ideation, but happy ending. Please be very careful in considering if this is triggering for you. It won’t hurt my feelings if you don’t read, your mental health and safety comes first.

A/N: I’m really sorry if this isn’t great, I wanted to do more but I kept getting stuck, and tbh I just want to post it as is instead of stress about it.

(Dividers from @saradika)

The air was unusually crisp the night Bucky snuck into the gardens of Cornelia Park. He had a faint memory of visiting once, in another century, with Steve. But that was then, and this is now. Now, Steve is dead. Bucky feels the weight of his entire history on his scarred shoulders. He feels out of place in such a green and flourishing area of flora. It’s wrong for him to be among such a place of peace and beauty, he finds it almost funny. Almost. 

He followed the path of lavenders into the private area of the park, surrounded by tall hedges. At the center stood an old stone statue, one he remembered from the last time he visited. Only now it looked much more worn and weathered. The statue was of an angel, a woman with wings. Her eyes were kind, her features soft, despite the stone. She held her arms out, one hand holding a lantern, the other beckoning him to hold. Instead, Bucky sat on the bench in front of her. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to her, apologizing for his very presence. He dropped his head into his hands.

And then he started crying. And his cries evolved to sobbing. He let himself cry, a privilege he rarely allowed himself. He let the tears flow, and they didn’t stop for what felt like hours. After forcing himself to pull himself together, he wiped his final tears from his cheeks and looked up to the black sky.

“Give me a sign, God.” His voice wavered.

“If you’re real, give me a sign to keep going. I’ve been at this a really long time. Just gimme— gimme a sign to keep going. That it will be worth it. Because life feels pretty damn bleak. And I know I should keep going, but I…”

The words wouldn’t come.

“I… fuck.” He looked back down at his hands. He thought about how much he hated those hands. He thought about how he wished he could wash the memories from his head like he does the blood from his palms, and how he wished he wasn’t Bucky Barnes. He thought about how he wished he had died at the bottom of that cliff, and how everyone would be better off if—

“Hello?”

A small voice shook him from his thoughts. He hadn’t even heard someone approach. But there you were, standing in the entrance of the hedge garden.

“Oh, hi,” you smiled, once you saw him. At least he thinks you smiled. It was hard for him to see you in the shadows. 

“Sorry,” he quickly apologized, once he realized he hadn’t said anything yet. He had just stared. He looked away from you and back at his lap.

“No need to be sorry,” you said, walking up to the bench he sat on, “I didn’t realize anyone else was here.” 

He didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure what to say. He too thought he was the only person there.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?” You kindly asked, wrapping your white cardigan a bit tighter. 

That was when he looked up and saw your face in the light of the lantern for the first time. The first thing he thought was that you looked like you belonged there in the garden, unlike him. You could replace the angel statue, and its meaning would stay the same. 

“Go ahead,” he simply said. Although what he really thought was to warn you. Are you sure you want to sit next to him?

You took your place on the bench silently. Neither of you spoke for the first couple minutes. Bucky tried to focus on the sound of crickets, and the lack of traffic. 

He wasn’t sure why he stayed. If anything, his first thought should be to get up, walk away, escape. But he didn’t.

“My name is Y/N.” You softly said.

Stunned by your confession, he let his guard down.

“Bucky.” He half whispered back.

You simply hummed in response.

He could sense your gaze on him. It wasn’t malicious or judgemental; it felt curious and gentle. 

“Are you okay?”

His throat started to constrict again. He didn’t like that question, because he didn’t like the answer. He knows he’s not okay. But he doesn’t know how to say it. After struggling for a response for many seconds, he conceded to shaking his head softly. No.

“I hope it gets easier soon.” 

He felt the dam begin to break again. 

“It will get better someday,” you continued, “maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, or month, but someday it will get better.”

“How can you be so sure?” He choked.

“Life is like a pendulum, have you ever heard that before?”

“No.”

“Well, it is. Right now you’re swinging into the bad, but eventually you’re gonna swing right back into the good. It’s just physics. And it sucks in a way, because what’s the point of swinging into the light if it’s just gonna cast that shadow you’ll fall back into? But it’s also comforting to me, because I know as long as I keep pushing, I’ll end up on the other side.”

Bucky let your words ring in his ears. He didn’t know why he felt the urge to open up to you, but he did.

“I just keep asking myself why should I stay?”

“The trick is to find a new reason when you can. I think of one everyday.”

“What’s yours?” 

“Today?” You sighed and looked up at the stars. “I want to see the next snow.”

“That won’t be for months,” he said.

“Guess I’ll have to stick around then.” You gave a knowing smile.

“What should mine be?”

He knew there should be a million things, but they were all just out of reach of his mind.

“That’s up to you.”

Bucky didn’t say it, but he quickly came up with his reason to stay.

You. 

He told himself that he had to see you again.

Bucky went back the next night. And the next. And he kept going back, because you met him every night for a week until you finally asked him if he wanted to meet you for lunch. That was the start of your relationship. Soon enough Sam started asking where Bucky had gone so often. He wasn’t in his room all day anymore, and he seemed lighter. He wasn’t ‘fixed’, obviously, but he was better. It started to get easier to breathe. 

The pendulum had begun to swing in Bucky’s favor, and it stayed that way for months. He still had his days, as did you, but you were happy together. You supported each other. 

And then came a very tough week.

The anniversary of Steve’s death. 

The wound had reopened, and Bucky spiraled. He was a mess, a total mess, and you were there to comfort him. 

But your kindness reminded him of Steve, and how he wasn’t enough for him. If Bucky was good enough for Steve, he wouldn’t have left, right? 

Although Bucky knew you wouldn’t leave him. That was the problem. He was an anchor, and you held on. 

For your own good, he convinced himself he had to let go, if you wouldn’t.

The absence of warmth next to you woke you up. 

“Bucky?” You whispered. The clock blinked 4:13 A.M. 

No reply. You figured maybe he was sleeping on the couch, so you carefully sat up and waited a couple seconds before letting your bare feet touch the cold ground. Pulling your robe on from where it had fallen on the floor, you wiped the sleep from your eyes and padded over to the living room.

It was dark, and your eyes were still adjusting, but you could tell that he wasn’t there. You felt the rise of panic in your chest just before you spotted him standing on the balcony. 

He didn’t turn around to look at you as the door slid open and shut. He remained staring over the ledge at some unknown point.

“Hey, honey,” you whisper, your voice hoarse, as you walk up behind him and wrap your arms around him, giving him a big hug.

You hear his whimper before you feel his body shake.

“Y/N, I—”

“What’s wrong honey?” You quickly let go, turning him to face you. You notice his puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. His cheeks were rosy; you could tell he had been crying for a while.

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t look you in the eyes.

“Sorry for what?” 

“I’m sorry for everything.” He starts. “I’m too much. I don’t deserve you, you deserve someone easier. Someone better, someone— someone good.”

“But I love you, and you are good. Bucky, where is this coming from?” The concern was thick in your voice. Sure, he had been a little down lately, but nothing alerted you to this level of distress.

“Sweetheart, all I do is bring hardship into your life. You deserve to live,” he looks into your eyes earnestly, “I know I shackle you to me. I know you give up things to be with me. But you don’t have to anymore. I’m letting you free.”

You hold back a shiver.

“What are you talking about? I want to be with you. You’re scaring me.”

“It’s not fair that I’ve lived this long, and it’s not fair that I’m dragging you down with me. I’m a fucking burden, Y/N. At first to Steve, then Sam, and now you. I can’t keep adding to the list of lives I ruin.”

“Honey, listen to me. I need you to take a deep breath.” You place your hand on his bicep, and try to speak with an appropriate mix of confidence and compassion.

“I’m doing it now!” He shakes his head vigorously, wiping away his tears as if evidence that he’s stopped crying will convince you to go. “You should be sleeping, please go back to sleep. You shouldn’t have to watch over me and make me feel better.”

“How long have you been feeling this way?” You whisper, fearing that if you spoke any louder your voice would break with your heart.

He took a while to answer, biting his lip and looking around before finally responding.

“Do you remember when we first met? In the garden?” He looks at you, eyebrows drawn. As if you could actually forget. You nod.

“I wanted to—” his voice breaks and he looks down— “I went… I was thinking about—” it cracks again, and his throat is constricting itself around the words he can’t say. “I was thinking I was really going to do it. I had basically decided. And then right as I was asking God for one more chance, one reason to stay alive—you appeared. I thought God sent me an Angel. A real Angel.” His eyes sparkle before dimming again. “I tarnish you. You waste your goodness on me, and the world needs it more.”

You don’t like where this is going. You know you need to reel him back in, and fast.

“Look at me, Bucky Barnes. Look at me.” You grab his face firmly and make sure he’s seeing you.

“I’m a burden.” He crumbles.

“Then be my burden!” You cry. “I want you to be my burden. Maybe without you, my life would be ‘easier.’ But I don’t want it to be if it means a life without you.” You search his blue watery eyes, wiping a tear that starts to leak from one. “I don’t fucking choose ‘easier.’ I choose you, Bucky. My choice is to be with the love of my life. And if that means skipping a couple hours of sleep to comfort you, and staying in on weekends, and crying with you, that doesn’t change the fact that I am the luckiest person on Earth. This is my choice too, Bucky. Do you hear me?” You place your hands on both of his arms.

He closes his eyes, takes a shaky breath, and nods.

“I choose you.” 

He nods again, and bites his bottom lip.

“I choose you.” You repeat, not once looking away from him.

He whimpers.

“Say it. Can you say it, please?” You don’t want to push him, but you need to know that your point has been made clear.

“You choose me.” He whispers, before falling into your embrace, and tucking his head into your neck.

“I do. I really do.” You say, holding back your own tears as you rub his back.

“I’m sorry.”

You know telling him he has nothing to be sorry for won’t work, so you instead answer by agreeing. 

“Me too. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way. I’m sorry you struggle to see how much I need you, too. But we are going to be okay, okay?”

He sobs harder, holding you tighter. You feel his warm tears start to stain your shirt under the thin robe. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you hum.

“Don’t leave me,”

“I’m not going anywhere.” You promise, bringing one hand up to the nape of his neck and start gently playing with his hair. “Are you ready to go back inside? Do you want to lay down with me?”

Without pulling away from you, he nods. You wait for him to let go of you before going to grab his hand and leading him to the bed, but he stops you. Instead of letting you show him the way, he decides to pick you up bridal style and carry you to your room, knowing he couldn’t wait until laying down to have your body pressed against his. 

Once you were both settled under the cozy blankets, your bodies facing each other, his head on your chest and your hand rubbing his back in circular motions, he spoke drowsily, exhausted from his breakdown.

“I love you.” He mumbled.

“And I love you,” You cooed, placing a small kiss on his forehead before drifting off into your dreamless sleeps.

A/N: Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I know life can be a fucking shit show, but please stay alive. If you know someone who is struggling, consider reaching out to them. And if you yourself are struggling, please reach out to someone. And if you feel like there is no one to talk to, my asks/dms are open. You are not alone.

I don’t want anyone to read this fic and their takeaway is that if they have no partner, they are on their own. I choose you. Do you hear me? I choose you, and I implore you to choose yourself. Stay alive for yourself. Be spiteful against your depression. And if you’re one of those people who can’t help but say “I hate you,” to the mirror, and feel like you mean it, know that there is hope for you too. Because I was once that person. And with help, and time, I am able to say that I don’t hate myself. I can look in the mirror and appreciate who I am. Of course I still have my moments, but my point is that if you told me when I was at my lowest, that I’d one day be able to say “I love you” to the mirror without bursting out in tears, I’d call you a liar. 

(Sorry for making this A/N so long, hopefully someone can find comfort in it. I’m still here. And you should be too.)

[thesharktanksdriver]

Being the youngest member of 141 (platonic)

Codename: Shark/Sharky

Age: 20

Part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

Inspired by the many works of this concept! But most specifically @meatonfork and their grim stories!

Being the youngest member of a task force of grown men who’ve stared death in the face around every day of their lives is an accomplishment in itself

Getting close with them though is an entirely different goal that you’ve somehow accomplished in your time at 141

Your kinda not sure how it happened

Like you were brought on as additional support on a mission of theirs. Unlike the others though you’d stood out

Partially due to your smaller stature cause of your young age compared to literally everyone else (even Gaz)

He’s the most hesitant of the bunch to get closer to you. Afraid that his presence will be like a curse that leads to your life being cut short.

But your stubborn though, like a shark refusing to give up on chasing its prey.

But your stubborn though, like a shark refusing to give up on chasing its prey.

But your stubborn though, like a shark refusing to give up on chasing its prey.

But your stubborn though, like a shark refusing to give up on chasing its prey.

But your stubborn though, like a shark refusing to give up on chasing its prey.

But your stubborn though, like a shark refusing to give up on chasing its prey.

But your stubborn though, like a shark refusing to give up on chasing its prey.

It starts with small improvements you could make in simple stuff like your stances. He sees it during some training and he takes the time to show you what to do.

He tries to leave it at that but you come to him asking for more help in other areas you thought you could do better in. A small smirk on your face as he agrees with a bit of a sigh.

You talk to him during these times. Never shutting up about something funny you saw on tiktok or some weird story.

He appreciates how you don’t ever really expect him to respond, just to silently listen to your ramblings. Knowing he preferred to listen rather than talk.

It’s nice. He begins to look forwards to your training sessions and also starts indulging in joking with you.

His sense of humour doesn’t scare you off, in fact you seem to make more fucked up jokes than he does.

“Damn that hits harder than my parents expectations” the moment after you say this an awkward silence fills the training room. Ghost staring down at you with an unreadable expression on his face, dark eyes peering down from behind his edgy mask. “Kid are you ok?” The moment he asks this your instant response is “no”

Is reallly fucking worried for your mental health. Like he’s constantly checking on you after missions and is the first to volunteer to be at your side if your experiencing something wrong

He’s seen allot of people older than you be permanently scarred by what they’ve seen and end up on dark paths. He’s attached now and refuses to let that happen to you

He hasn’t been on the internet in years so he has no fucking clue what a “vine” is or whatever the fuck is going on your “tick-tack” or whatever the hell that app was named.

But he bears it for your smile and giggles as you show him a video of a puppy

He won’t mention it but at some point he gets a tattoo of a small nurse shark circling his forearm.

A symbol of your impact on his life

If you steal a mask of his you’ll find one tailored to properly fit you a few days later slipped under your door with a small note

Calls you “kid, brat, and (when he’s feeling soft) Sharky or ankle biter”

On missions with you he tends to try and have you in eyesight unless it’s completely necessary not to

A subtle way of keeping his protective side in reign but also let you do what you do best

Be prepared if you get injured though cause he’s ripping and tearing whoever’s in his path to get to you.

Price on the other hand is also worried but isn’t afraid to get close. In fact, he goes out of his way to welcome you as best he can.

Every morning he greets you with a polite “hello” and “how’s your morning” before offering a cup of tea

Not coffee though. He says it’s bad for your health and your too young to start drinking that shit

You can’t fight him on this either, he goes full dad mode on your ass and places the coffee container somewhere you can’t reach

He often stays up late doing paperwork so if your restless you end up curled up in his office on one of the couches.

He talks about some old stories, snuffing out his cigar so you don’t breath in the smoke.

His voice is perfect to listen too and has an almost instant knock out affect on your sleepy mind

You’ll wake up in your room the next morning, one of his hats snug on your head.

He’s the only one who knows any background information of your upbringing and guards that unless you don’t really care. Even then he’s still very hush hush about your past.

He likes to give a lot of verbal affection.

Just telling you that “you did a good job!” or a “great work out there kiddo”.

Plus a pat on the back and ruffling of your hair to add onto the affection. Will also give hugs if your comfortable with them

Buy him a hat or mug with “ 1# dad/captain” and you’ll see him tear up slightly

“Surprise!!” You place down the small mug that had “worlds best dad captain” written on it, onto his desk. He goes silent, carefully taking it into his hands with a certain gentleness only reserved for moments such as this. “Thought you needed a new one” he still remains silent, staring down in Aw at the mug “thought it would also go good with the “women fear me, fish fear me, men turn their eyes away from me-“. You stop seeing as his eyes begin to gloss over slightly.

“Thanks kid” “no problem old man”

He’s always wanted kids but due to the profession he’s never had the chance to settle down. So getting something like that helps with his lingering feeling of longing and bitterness of knowing he’ll likely never fulfil that dream

But he’s has you now, along with the family he built with the others and that’s good enough for him.

As the youngest you abuse your youngest child privileges on him a shit ton with Gaz.

He just can’t stay mad lol

Unlike Ghost he’s a bit more adept to modern tech though social media has him a bit lost.

Show him all you want but he still won’t be able to comprehend why a dude screaming about something is funny

On missions he already knows Ghost is watching over you so he kinda lets him take the lead in being protective. Though if ghost isn’t there he definitely has either himself or whoever else is on the mission nearby

He also almost always makes sure for missions your paired up with at least one other person.

Soap is immediately becoming your buddy whether you like it or not

After that first interaction he kinda just mentally said to himself “aight this lil shit is sticking with me now” and went from there

Jokes. Holy shit does he have an arsenal of jokes that he tries out with you.

Once he finds your somewhat dark and weird sense of humour he sticks to it, learning what would make you laugh the hardest and feeling super accomplished in succeeding his task

Definitely makes aquatic jokes and tries to buy you sea themed souvenirs

Eventually you gift him a seahorse keychain and it now hangs from his belt. He buys you a shark one in return that you hang from your com.

He has some social media accounts but their relatively bare. He just doesn’t have the time to update them or when he’s not busy he forgets to post anything

You quickly change that and he ends up basically becoming a meme account to piss off ghost as you, him and Gaz team up in talking in slang that makes Ghost and Price so fucking confused.

You and Soap sit side by side with shit grinning faces as Ghost sits as still as a statue with the aura of annoyance. You whisper to Soap something which makes the Scottish man giggle and glance back at ghost. Personally it’s getting on ghost’s nerves but he knows if he asks his ears are gonna be assaulted by some ungodly array of words he was 100% sure wasn’t in the dictionary.

During leave he’s definitely inviting you over to stay with him back in his flat. It’s somewhat small but it’s cozy, definitely a nice stay as he takes you to a football game and gets somewhat rowdy while watching it.

He kinda has the suspicion that you might’ve not had the best home life considering your age in which you voluntarily enlisted. But he doesn’t ask incase of it being a sensitive topic.

Maybe he’s right, maybe he’s wrong but it’s an offer you occasionally take since it makes him more happy than you know

100% teaches you Scottish slang for fun

Is probably the one who calls you “Sharky” the most out of the group and is the one who insists that everyone calls you that

Price has banned him from teaching you on how to make bombs no matter how much either of you plead

That doesn’t stop him from showing you how to set them up though

And that unfortunately (for him and everyone else) also leads you to setting up better pranks due to the knowledge he taught you.

He gets the side eye from ghost every time he wakes up to find a new elaborate glitter tripwire you set up

Gaz needs a moment to warm up to you but once he does he’s joining in on the shenanigans

For the longest time he was the youngest so now he has a chance to be a role model/mentor to someone!

Gaz knows what it’s like to be the metaphorical baby of the team (he still kinda is) so he understands if your feeling overwhelmed by the other’s protective streaks

Will 100% be the only one to understand half the shit you say and be given the title of “shark translator”

“Gaz for the love of Christ please translate that”

“It basically means “I’d rather gouge my eye out with a rusty shit covered spoon than eat any more of the broccoli” honestly same”

“What the fuck”

That just gives him the excuse to make them think that what you said is a whole lot worse tho

He occasionally takes his hat and places it on your head to see it be way to big and obscure your eyesight

Don’t offer instant ramen to him cause he has ptsd from eating a shit ton of it when he was in high school

He has an Xbox 360 and a sega Saturn locked away in his room. He only lets people he trusts know of it’s existence let alone be able to play on it

Your one of the few

He does not judge if you talk to him for an hour about the most obscure piece of media, he’ll probably find it really interesting and end up down the rabbit hole of watching it.

Both of you send the creepy stories chain email to random people on base just to see what’ll happen

Like everyone he kinda assumes you probably came from a shit background. He doesn’t ask about it unless you bring it up, but he always reminds you that him and the team are there for you if you need a place to crash at or talk to

Gets pretty nervous about you on the battlefield cause of the fact your going up against men that are usually 2 times your size. But he doesn’t try to admit it since he remembers when the others felt the same about him.

Is probably the only one who doesn’t get worried about any self-deprivations humour but does kinda get worried about suicide jokes

As a joke y’all call everyone old and make jokes about getting Price a cane next Christmas (which results in about 20 sets if push ups)

He sends random low quality memes you sent to him at 3 am to Price to see if he’ll ask the next morning what “me and the boys at 3 am looking for beans” fucking means.

Like soap he encourages your shenanigans but if he thinks you might get hurt he’s stopping that shit

He carry’s around kids bandaids with characters on them for you as an inside joke

Overall their protective but they don’t overstep the comfort line.

You’ve grown on them like a parasite and now they refuse to cut you off, luckily for them you just seem to latch on even harder.

[not-sleepys-blog]

Wolf!Nanami in heat

Content: Wolf hybrid Nanami who is have a rough time with his heat, !escort freader, masterbation, sex, size kink?, unprotected sex

Word count: 1,595

A/N: I made reader black because me too sis

“I don’t need help” Nanami grumbles into his phone, the voice on the other end sighs. “You can’t keep pretending that you can handle your heats by yourself, Nanami” Satoru, Nanami’s friend co-worker at the office he works at finally says. He can already imagine the shit eating grin on Satoru’s face as he continues talking. “You know this service is legit, they have all kinds of escorts, hybrids, sirens, succubus, and I’m pretty sure they even have humans working for them! Maybe I should try out a pretty little human.” Satoru giggles mischievously, earning an annoyed groan from Nanami as he hangs up on Satoru. Nanami tosses his phone on the couch next to him alongside balled up  tissues and ripped up porno magazines that didn’t help satisfy his heat. His hand moves up to his hair, his nails digging into his scalp as he struggles to fight off the urge to punch a hole into his wall near his tv.

Nanami’s heats have always been bad but this never this bad. Satoru was right even though he didn't want to give him that satisfaction of being right. Nanami is at his breaking point, he should've known that the back alley doctor’s heat suppressants he’s been taking would eventually fail him.

He can feel his cock hardening again, basically pulsating in between his thighs as he’s sitting on the edge of his couch. He groans rather loudly, the overstimulation almost painful. He’s already come six times, maybe eight. He stopped counting being too lost in the temporary relief of jerking off to care. But no matter how many times he cums it still doesn’t ease up his heat and he knows he can’t do it alone anymore. It’s been proven that going heats alone puts the body through stress and causes health problems. It’s gotten to the point that the government legalized escort services, for all the lonely and single hybrids that didn’t have a partner to ease the heat. 

The last thing he’d imagined himself doing was ordering from one of the many relief services he heard from Satoru and Suguru. He pushed it off for as long as he could but as the troublesome duo sent him links to various websites just as the haze of his heat came over him. By the time he realized he ordered an escort it was too late and there was no damn way to cancel. The worst part he didn’t know who he ordered, what he did know was that next time he saw Satoru and Suguru he was going to grab them by their tails and jump rope with their annoying asses.

The front door rings, his fluffy ears perking up as he’s pulled out of his thoughts. He stands up from the couch, his rock hard cock slapping against his thigh, dripping pre cum onto the floor beneath him. He doesn't even have enough common sense and mental capacity to put on pants or boxers, his breathing is ragged and heavy and his vision is blurry as he reaches the door to his apartment, yanking it open. He feels embarrassed when the cool air from the night time blows in from his doorway, the heat and musk of his more apparent but he’s too busy looking at you. His pupil dilating as a damn near debilitating rush of heat washes over him, his bushy tail swaying behind him, He wasn’t expecting a cute, petite human. He could probably break you in half if he wasn't careful. Your brown skin, curly hair, and curvy body was driving him crazy, well in his current state any woman would drive him nuts, but you were just… something else. Everything about you made his cock throb, the scent of your perfume and the way your hips moved as you rubbed your thighs together trying to hide your own arousal. “Fuck me” he muttered under his breath unable to tear his eyes away from you curvy figure. He wanted to break your tiny frame. 

His hand reached out, grabbing your arm roughly, yanking you inside before slamming the door shut behind them. “You’re going to do as I say, understand?” He growled as he grabbed your face, squeezing it slightly, not enough to hurt you, he didn’t want to damage your pretty face. You nod, whimpering as your breath catches in your throat. Your nod satisfied him, he licked his lips as he imagined how good you would taste, how good you would feel around his cock. He imagined your soft moans and whines as you claimed his thick cock wouldn’t fit in your pretty little pussy. He shook his head to focus on the pretty little thing in front of him, making his tail wag. “On your knees, doll. You’re going to suck me off.” His voice, low and husky. You drop down to your knees taking his already hard cock into your hands, kissing the shaft before you licked a small lick along one of his veins. You open your mouth wide, taking his cockhead into your mouth, you swirl your tongue around the head, teasing the sensitive spot beneath his foreskin. You sucked on his cock, your lips moving up and down his shaft, earning a groan from him as you massage his heavy balls. Nanami’s eyes glazed over with pleasure, his giant hands braced against the wall, his hips rocking slightly. “Fuck, thats a good little slut.” He praised.

You suck in your cheeks making your already tight mouth, more snug. Your teeth gently grazed against his shaft, you moaned around his cock as you took his full length. His eyes widened as you took his entire length into your mouth. He couldn’t help but moan, his hips rocking faster, his cock hitting the back of your throat, making you gag. His hands gripped your beautiful curls, holding your head steady as his fingers tangled into your locks. Nanami’s cock throbbed in your mouth, his cum building up inside of him ready to come out. He pulled out of his thick cock glistening with your saliva. “Stand up” he demanded as he pulled you up to your feet. He pulled his shirt off, revealing his muscular body. His wolf ears twitched  and his tail flicked behind him, the tip twitching with excitement. He stepped closer to you, his cock pressing against your pussy. Without any kind of warning he lifted you up, pinning you against the wall with one hand while using his other hand to yank down your skirt and panties. His cock rubbing against your sensitive folds, teasing your entrance. You whine in response to his teasing, he responded to your whines with coos “Shhh doll, be patient. You’ll get it soon enough.” He groaned as he rocked his hips back and forth, rubbing his cock against your wetness. 

“I’m going to fuck you so hard” He groaned, thrusting his cock into your pussy “Ahh, fuck you’re so fucking tight babydoll” he moaned as he began to pound into you, his hips moving in sync with his thrusts. His cockhead hitting your G-spot, sending waves of pleasure through your body. His hands slide down cupping your ass, squeezing it before giving it a slap, while his other hand grips your hair, pulling your head back, exposing your neck and collarbone.You let out a series of loud mewls, your eyes rolling back in pleasure. “It’s too big… can’t take it, won’t fit.” You whined into the wall, drool spilling from the corner of your mouth. Nanami growled, his wolf instinct taking over as he felt you clench around his cock. His ears perked up, and his tail swished back and forth. He couldn’t help but bite down on his lip, his teeth scraping against his skin as he thrust harder and deeper. The scent of your arousal filled his nostrils, your sweet moans and whimpers filled his ears, driving him to the brink of madness.”You feel so good around me” he growled, his voice filled with lust. “I’m gonna make you take every inch of my cock, and you’ll love it like a good little whore.” His hand slid down to your clit, rubbing it in circles, his thumb flicking over it with the write amount of pressure. His other hand tightened its grip on your hair, pulling your head back even further. He leaned in, his fangs grazing your skin, leaving a trail of hickeys as he whispered into your ear.

“Mine. You’re mine now doll, I’m going to fill you up and breed you yeah” He grunted his voice rough with desire as his own climax building rapidly. His cock twitched violently inside you, hitting your g-spot again and again. “‘M gonna cum” you babbled, his cock has you seeing stars as he rammed into you. “Gonna cum f’ me? Cum for me doll” A string of mewls leave your lips, squeezing your eyes shut as you come around his fat cock. Your vision became blurred as he thrusted into you repeatedly.

 His cock twitched violently inside you as he felt you hitting your peak. He thrusted into you, burying his entire length inside her, his cockhead hitting your cervix. He grunted as his knot formed before his cum spilled into your tight hole, filling it to the brim. His hand moved back down to your clit rubbing faster, milking every last drop of your orgasm from you. His hips sputtered, his cock still buried deep inside you, as he continued to pump his seed into you, claiming you as his. <3