#they have a fucking chokehold on me at the worst times ever

[doitforadamparrish]

ok dont @ me but like am i the only one who only likes aftg like, in theory? like I wish I could :/ completely rewrite the books to actually give the characters the depth they deserve??? Like every time I see an andreil post it’s literally just loosely based on book andreil but mmm it’s a completely liberal interpretation… and usually that actually makes it somehow better?? like I’d give the whole trilogy fr 1.5 stars and I love them so much I promise you I just feel it’s just such an injustice they didn’t get like 15 more editorial reviews?? I can’t even re read and I jump several paragraphs at a time because they’re so messy and disorganized I just can’t keep up

[screampied]

ʚ FINISH INSIDE HER ?! ɞ

ᡴꪫ sum. what the hell is a full nelson? no worries, luckily underground boxer toji shows you a hands-on demonstration. although, you want choso to try it with you too. not only are you a slut visual learner, but you also think you can take them both - not in a fight though.

wc. 5.8k

warnings. fem! reader, boxer! au, boxers toji & choso, 3sum, choso walks in on you and toji, unprotected, full nelson, manhandling, brief ōral (f + m), quickie, size diff, finger sucking, praise, dirty talk, choking, they fight over you, whiny choso, squırting, impact play, slight nıpple play, premature ejac, spıt.

an. kind of based on this ask!

“upsie daisey, uh huh. biiiiig fuckin’ stretch,” your mouth drops open once your thighs gets sprawled apart. your back slumps back against the fighter — toji, you’ve been training with him for a while. not only were you training with him but you’ve also been a bit of a fan. you mentioned to him on how you wanted to strengthen your ‘flexibility’ a bit more and of course, he had just the right thing to help you. out of curiosity, you asked him about a certain position you watched him perform on his rival, choso kamo. full nelson, it was considered illegal in some rings if not all. toji would always perform a specific choking move where he’d pin choso down with ease, burly buff arms putting him in a head lock - preventing him from moving a single inch. the entire crowd always goes wild at it every single time—so you wanted to try it out for yourself. “easy, easy. don’t tap out on me jus’ yet, okay? y’er a big girl.”

bobbling your head to give him a nod, an airy breeze shoves you back into his chest. the stretchy fabric of his boxing shorts tickle against your skin upon impact. “o- okay,” you breathe, gasping once he hooks two big arms underneath the undersides of your thighs. he’s got such a good taut grip that seconds later, you felt yourself throb a bit at the feverish, hot friction. “you’re not really gonna, heh, choke me out right?”

“not unless y’er into that, princess,” he jibes, a throaty husk of a chuckle leaving out of him. and as you’re spread all out, limbs extended—yeah,

you were probably fucked.

after what seems like hours of meaningless stretches and exercises to prepare your limbs, toji’s finally got you in the position — you were sprawled right in his lap, being in a safe firm chokehold.

his voice was roughly gruff, and as he spreads your legs just a bit further, you feel the cottony bandage that wraps around his arm ghost up against your thigh. his touch was gentle and you intake a sharp breath, further continuing to lean into his touch - his grasp. “mhm, seems like y’er a bit more flexible than i thought. this comfy?”

“no,” you let off a sheepish snort, starting to feel a brief pang on your thighs from the position. to be fair — not only was full nelson uncomfortable but it was dangerous. just one wrong move and snap. but toji was a professional, he’d make sure you’d keep all your pretty little limbs in tact. probably. clearing your throat, your eyes scan around a plethora of trophies and plaques he’s won throughout his career. “but um, have you ever tried this position with no clothes on?”

toji grows quiet, allowing you to lie back on his chest. black curly strands of chest hair fondle against your skin before he murmurs gruffly into your ear. “maybe.”

the growing bulge that hid underneath his boxers had you almost feral. you felt its presence—how it was just there, poking right against your shorts.

you prepare for yet another sharp drawn out breath, taking in his loud axe cologne that wafts through the entire studio. “can we try nude?”

and that was probably dumb to ask.

it was very dumb to ask.

your lewd filthy thoughts loved to make themselves known out of your lips at the worst times. your heart raced the moment you blurted that out, feeling the tips of your ears burn a scorching temperature. he’d say no, you were almost sure of it. you were just a dumb fan who managed to be a favorite, surely he wouldn’t—

“why the hell not,” he snickers, sliding his hands toward the smooth curvature of your hips. “i’ll go easy on ya for today. let’s get rid of these,” he pulls on the string of your panties, already discarding your shorts with such quickness. “i’ll try not ‘ta break you too bad.”

but that was a lie—

not only did he break you but he stretched you out in all the ways possible.

you had the most dumbest expression, tongue lolled out, legs spread, gushing all over the velvet red boxing mat - time and time again.

pink luminescent lighting shine back against the centers of your irises as you stare up at the ceiling’s lights. you’ve never felt so weak. spit slick lips of yours were all swollen and numb from being chewed on constantly like candy. within minutes, your knees were already surrendering, bucking at his very mercy.

“fuck, tooooji.” you’d drag out his name in cute elongated syllables.

the infamous elastic stretch of his cock has you writhe and spasm all over his lap. ludicrously, your voice bounces across the cheap walls of the building. nevertheless, you can’t lie to yourself, you’ve rubbed a few out at the thought of having this moment with your favorite boxer.

unprofessional, maybe. but he didn’t care and neither did you. besides, he was helping you with your flexibility after all. even if it was a bit more intimate than most regular methods.

your heart races, thumping out quick hurried beats as he’s shoving his cock in and out of you. you’re in such a submissive position that you were just a bobble head, a doll. he treated you like one — using your body, bouncing you up and down and manhandling you all over the mat.

he gruffly cackles behind the plushy shell of your ear, watching right before his eyes as you’re jouncing on his dick. your skin was so warm, so hot, the recoil stings for a few seconds before your ass ricochets off his sharp pelvis.

the smacks and paps only grew louder, and so did your sweet melodic moans and whimpers.

a creamy pearl of a ring coats around his base and he grunts, still having a beefy arm around your neck. his muscles flex and you fight the urge to bite his bicep. “easy, good girl. lean right into me. y’er a natural.”

his words went straight to your cunt. toji was a dirty talker, never a sweet talker.

he knew how to get you wet, whether it was with his slick mouth, his tongue, or even his cock. his voice was always so low, timbre and all. the husk that it carried never failed to make you soaked. embarrassing,

oh, it definitely was embarrassing.

he’s got a free hand gripping onto your thigh, kissing your ass with his palm - rough rude spanks.

the cute flinches of your rear bouncing back against his lap makes him slide a tongue over his lips, including sliding over that notorious scar that slides down the right side of his mouth. “fuck, so fuckin’ sloppy. got the mat all soaked. should make ya lick it up, huh.”

you couldn’t even reply . . you tried, but babbles of inaudible squeaks came out instead.

it just felt too good, he felt too good.

you’re panting heavily, the repetitive pop song that blared through the boxing ring’s broken speakers gets stuck in your head. you hear the moist wails of your pussy squelching time and time again, entirely soaking yourself with your own beloved filth. a free hand of toji’s creeps its way in front of you. hand so big that he could easily cover it over your entire face if he could.

with glossy half-lidded eyes, you stare at his palm, feeling your mouth water.

thick long fingers, he knew what he was doing.

toji’s just casually waving his hand around in your face in a slow mesmerizing motion as you bounced on his cock. they were so lengthy and thick, his arms had prodding veins for days. from his wrist to the edge of his arm, you saw the veins poking out. he was so built that you couldn’t help but stare, couldn’t help but drool. “what a sloppy little girl. i could really snap you in half, heh,” he huffs, clenched abs pressing against your back. it’s hard, rock hard . . they feel like bricks.

you knew underground boxers like toji had to keep up a strict workout routine but damn.

“but you’d like that, huh,” he murmurs, bringing another smack to your slick wet folds. you moan at the stretch of your limbs, craving for more of his rude spanks against your swollen cunt. you throbbed from not only his words but his touch too, and the thought of him literally breaking you had you a bit more soaked than you thought it would.

this was a workout of its own - rutting your weight up and down against him. he’s got a secure hold on your body, holding your thighs up in place.

you were stupid, not even acknowledging that you’d already grab ahold of his wrist, stuffing his fingers into your mouth. you moan the second the dry bandaged digits delve past your lips and makings way down your throat. as your ass steadily rocks against him in sloppy rhythm, you feel the very tips of his fingers prod against your puny uvula. you almost gag at the unexpected feeling—a cobwebby trail of saliva that was translucent pours down the side of your parted lips.

“no manners, tch,” he scoffs and his ripped abs continue to brush up against your back. “sloppy baby. got some nerve showin’ up to train being this fuckin’ nasty ‘n soaked.”

the hot skin against skin contact rubbing off against each other had your panties in a bunch, despite them already being technically pulled to the side and abandoned.

you were already still sensitive, swollen achy cunt sobbing out its own pleas of pleasure.

haphazardly, your knees buckle and he snatches his fingers out of your mouth. he does this solely to get a taste himself, swirling his pink pointed tongue against his slippery digits all thanks to you. “startin’ ‘ta think you came here for more than to just get an autograph ‘n work out with me, pretty girl.”

and as the plump crown of his cock molds you a tiny brief bulge from just his size alone — it repeatedly thrashes up against your sweetest spot. you shudder, about to collapse backward before you hear the jingling bells of the front door sound off.

“h- hey, toji man. did i leave my . . gloves . . ?”

choso, toji’s rival and regular training partner stares at the erotic scene and his face twists.

“oh,” and he’s flustered right away.

you stop bouncing and your eyes widen as big as saucers—yet, you weren’t even embarrassed. you were in awe, you knew all about choso kamo.

the choso kamo, anyone would be crazy not too. he was the most recent up and coming boxer, and after beating toji with a brutal close score of 58-57.

as you’re reclined back against toji—you finally get a good look at the other dark haired boxer.

he was slim yet also well built, choso was known for fighting opponents with his iconic ponytails but as of currently - he started to wear his hair down. sometimes he’d pin it up, a bit of a wolf cut that flew down his broad shoulders.

as his bashful gaze met yours, he grew nervous. very nervous.

black sable hued shorts cling onto his hips whilst he was shirtless, a few past battle scars painting the entire canvas of his perfectly chiseled body. “am i . . interrupting something?”

“nah. c’mere, ‘cho,” a husky voice calls out and he pauses in his tracks. the air suddenly clouded its way with imaginary thick smoke of lust and tension. it’s so thick you could cut it with a knife.

he swallows—dragging his bare feet across the crimson red mat toward you both, ducking underneath the stretchy multicolored bars before gawking at you. he was far pretty up close once he entered the practice ring, he runs a hand behind his neck before averting his eyes away from your nude body out of respect.

“he’s always been kinda shy,” toji purrs to you, still buried deep into your cunt. you shiver, every movement he makes makes—even just sitting up makes you let off a soft noise. you chew the inside of your cheek, feeling a stickiness stick between your thighs. dark green eyes flicker at choso and he hums, tilting his head. “choso, you know how to do full nelson too, yeah?”

“y- yeah, of course i do why?”

“you’re avoiding eye contact again.”

choso gulps - burying his hands into the burrows of his shorts pockets. a sheet of sweat marinates across his forehead before he glances at toji, rephrasing. “eh, yeah i know how to do full nelson. why?”

“because,” toji smacks his lips, a hand prying its way between the valley of your legs. you moan, still feeling full from tepid hot dumps of his cum practically oozing out of your puffy slit. “we’ve got a new opponent ‘n she wants to experience what it’s really like on the ring.”

“toji, we do full nelson all the time,” choso timidly runs a bundle of fingers through his buzzed undercut, a timid smile curling against his lips. “we never usually do it um . . naked though.”

the boxer underneath you deadpans. he could be so dense, choso stands still before a small gasp wrenches out of his pink glossed lips.

“oh.. oh,” and his face turns into a flustered tint.

you’ve watched a bit of his interviews and it seemed not only was he shy with the press but he was also very shy in person. it was cute, regardless.

as you’re busy being trapped up in your own thoughts, choso can’t help but peek down toward your legs. you were all exposed and being stretched out by his rival. he sucks his teeth in longing, briefly staring away before feeling himself grow a bit . . aroused. “i feel disrespectful for looking, ‘m sorry.”

“no, it’s okay,” you murmur in coy reassurance, and a hand tugs onto his wrist. choso’s breath hitches at your touch, and you felt his dark eyes flicker back toward you. there’s this look in choso’s eyes, it’s mainly lust-driven. his pupils were blown and his heart raced, you looked so pretty. it’s not like he didn’t exactly not know you. he’d see you every so often when you were ‘training’ with toji. not only that but he’d spot you attending almost every boxing match. always in the front row with a vip lanyard. secretly, you were more of a choso fan but toji didn’t have to know that. “do you wanna touch me too?”

“yes,” he blurts out almost right away and his face flushes a deeper shade. a rumble from toji shakes his shoulders - he’s chuckling, and you feel a big arm wrap around your torso. you bite down on your lip, still feeling yourself sit in a creamy puddle of filth, warm cum still plugged into you. choso starts to pant, watching you slither a hand between your thighs, spreading your soppy pussy lips. “i mean.. oh, that’s..” and he’s barely able to think straight, watching as you toy with yourself whilst still being full of toji’s thickset cock. his head starts to spin before he inches closer, kneeling down after your cute hand gestures to come here. “a- are you sure you want me to—”

“it’s okay, go ahead.” you hum, guiding his wrist.

“choso, she’s not gonna bite ya,” toji snickers, bringing your legs back down. as of now — you were currently straddling him with your back facing his chest. choso rubs his neck once more, growing sheepish yet again. it’s adorable, but again, he’s seen you at his matches and face offs. choso being choso though was far too shy to say anything or thank you for your support. but now, maybe he could thank you in another way. toji crosses his arms, cocking his head as he glances at the scene. “atta boy.”

a scowl forms on the timid boxer as his fingers resume to brush up against your drooling cunt. “s- shut up, toji,” and you let off a moan at his gentle strokes. you continue to lie back against toji - staring at choso, ogles as two plump fingers of his partner’s play up and down against your soddened entrance. choso’s mouth starts to water the more he stares, admiring how full you were—you had a few remnants of toji’s cum oozing from your slit and he swipes it up, bedaubing it against your pussy to make it sheeny again. “f- fuck, you’re so pretty.”

“you can t- touch me more, choso,” you lightly pause his hand by grabbing his wrist. his eyes meet yours and he felt the tent in his boxers tighten. oh, he was already whipped from the sound of your voice. with half lidded smoky eyes, he huffs out a single breath before glancing at your lips. you climb off of toji and a brief pop exits your cunt - dragging choso closer. “are you hard, choso?”

“he’s definitely hard,” toji tchs, averting his jade green eyes toward his partner’s shorts. it was hard to not notice the presentable bulge that’s sticking right in front of his leather everlast brand shorts. “cute.”

“shut up man,” he repeats with a glowering scowl.

with a cute dramatic sigh, choso grumbles something under his breath - trying to pay more attention back toward you. he leans into your touch, closing the gap between your legs until he’s right between you. choso presses a chaste kiss against your collarbone before moaning into your tender skin. he couldn’t help but suck against your shoulder for a few seconds, relishing in your candied flavor.

you were so sweet - bandaged hands roam everywhere on your displayed body before he exhales deeply, staring at you with almost heart shaped pupils. “you . . wanna try full nelson with me too, princess?”

throwing your arms over him, you hum with a subtle nod. “yeah, ‘s okay. i can handle it.”

famous last words,

with choso . . he stretched you all the way out, probably even more than toji.

his cock was just as thick, maybe even more. his fat reddened tip swelters the inside of your sopping pussy so good until you’re whimpering his name on constant loop. it’s like a mantra, you’re so dumb that it’s like his five lettered name was the only thing your brain could comprehend to say.

he’s got you upright in the same exact position before, slinging two beefy arms underneath your thighs as your weight bounces and defies gravity.

“fuck, fuck,” he whines, the addictive squeeze your cunt had never failed to make itself known. he reached any and every area so deep. choso had a delicious curve to his cock that sent you straight butterflies. it expands through your walls, french kissing your insides until you whine. his base was repeatedly getting smacked from your ass, each ‘n every time you jerked up from his lap. “y- you’re so good. so warm, ‘m gonna pass out.”

“aren’t you the boxer though?” you try to tease, but your cheeky voice falters the second his slitted tip kisses against that spot.

your vision was merely blurry, seeing nothing but a kaleidoscope of stars. in almost defeat, your head falls back against his chest and toji watches the entire time, buff arms crossed and an amused cunning expression. seeing you milk his rival was something he didn’t know would turn him on so much.

choso doesn’t reply to your little jest, still pumping such fat inches inside of your gripping walls. he’s already dumb, knocked out cold with a solid punch - not necessarily from an opponent, but your pussy. “hang onto me, ‘kay? this position requires lots of um . . s- stamina.”

as you nod, your entire body dangles and bobs from the movement — parching hot friction gluing against each jolting limb before you spasm.

“chosoooo,” and your thighs collapse, coming to its pleasurable demise. his thrusts were sloppy, the squelches of your own body was so lewd. you heard it through and through, glancing down to see yourself flutter and clench around his cock. “fuck, fuck ‘m gonna get close again.”

“wait,” a gruff voice murmurs and you glance up to see toji standing over you. he cups your chin, a thumb caressing your quivering bottom lip. “such a empty mouth. hm, open for me, pretty. think you could use some throat training too.”

as choso’s still plummeting his cock into your swollen cunt - stretching you out dexterously, you part your lips open.

by your surprise, toji’s lips meets yours and he pulls you into a deep kiss. it’s a bit of a rushing kiss, sloppy and strings of saliva tangling between each mouths. you moan, feeling the weight of your breasts bounce as you’re making haste on the other boxer’s lap. fuck, you were quite literally living the dream. you whimper, feeling his broad hands grab against your tits, using thumbs to push squeeze pressure against your perky nipples. he was always so handsy, allowing his hands to wander everywhere and yanking against the remaining pathetic pieces of fabric that covered your body.

you were still layered . . partially,

his rough scarred hands slide underneath your blouse as he’s continuing to make out with you, curling his parted tongue beside your own before it turns into obscene sucking. your own tongue occasionally scrapes against his scar that located directly near the right side of his mouth - it tickles a bit—however, you whimper once choso’s dick created its own little kisses against your g-spot.

abruptly, toji who was just claiming your mouth a few seconds ago pulls away from the continued kiss to grip underneath your chin again. “ah, say ah,” and he hums at your obedience, staring at your pretty pink tongue rolling out of your mouth flat. “good, ‘m gonna train this throat a little bit for ya, sweets. that alright?”

“o- okay,” and you’re briefly cut off once he springs out his cock again, thwacking his pink pearly tip against your tongue. he lets off a gruff satisfied grunt, feeling himself harden up once you flick your tongue against his slit. you’re slow, making sure to savor his taste. he watches, smacking his lips and his left brow curls.

toji bites his lip, his abs curlings as he watches you try to suck him of fully — he smacks his cock all against your face softly, watching your needy pout before humming. “such a needy cock hungry slut,” and a thumb swipes against your lip, preparing to insert his hardened shaft down your throat. “aw, you want more, do ya?”

you nod before moaning, feeling choso kiss down your neck, yearning for your attention.

“y- you’re doing so good,” choso whines against your ear, clinging onto your jerking body. “ngh, don’t listen to toji. he’s just mean.”

toji rolls his eyes. he’d reply with a sassy remark but he was still feeling the after effects of sensitivity. his muscles were all tense and spasming from you just bouncing on him just a few minutes ago. you’re just grinding onto choso, feeling your hips ridiculously buckle and snap before he smears his cockhead against your lips like it was lipstick. his plump tip goes against your wet lips, only for him to smack it against your clean pink tongue. “mmph.” you lashes flutter, ogling as he buries a few fingers into your scalp for a good grip. toji grunts, briefly tossing his head back in rapture. his scent grows stronger as he gradually starts to sink his way into your mouth.

“t- toji, ‘m gonna cum. i can’t last,” choso babbles, facial expressions scrunching up the more you quicken your tempo on his lap. toji glances at choso who’s melting right underneath you — he’s got you in a secure hold, but it’s lazy.

one of his arms sling around your torso, another holding onto your thigh. “fuck,” he sucks against your neck, feeling the stretch increase. your walls were his own worst enemy, preparing to milk him for all of his worth. everything felt hot, his throat felt dry and he’s starting to shake right underneath you. “gonna cum, gonna c- cum.”

“not yet, ‘cho,” he grunts, watching as you lean in, adjusting your throat to his heavy size. your tongue swirls around the peeling slit and he huffs, a single hand tightening its hold against the roots that stick onto your scalp. “mhm, look at me. don’t worry about him, he’s just a crybaby,” and you can hear choso let off a scoff from behind you. toji’s sensitive cock was still dribbling a bit with a concoction of your previous juices and he groans at the image of you lapping it right up. “c’mon, little deeper. i wanna feel that slutty roof.”

whilst you’re having your mouth and cunt filled entirely—choso’s whining pitches louder and louder. so loud that it reverbs all throughout the thin walls of the empty boxing arena. thankfully, there wasn’t anyone here and it was usually closed on saturdays. he didn’t like be edged, he hated it.

but it felt good,

so fucking good.

especially due to the fact that he was so close to you, hearing your sweet whimpers follow in sync with his.

your voice made his cock twitch and from the inside, you felt it all.

every frantic spasm - you felt it, not to mention the few lightning type veins that run down the upward curve of his cock, you felt that too.

you rocked against him until your knees were at its last. he’s still holding you up but even he was about to tap out. choso had stamina - but he was no match for his rival, toji.

with murky low eyes—toji’s staring dead at you, bobbling your head and merely shoving you down just a little deeper.

you get sloppy, a puddle of drool trickling down the corners of your chin and down the valley of your chest before his tip hits against the roof of your mouth again.

it’s a rough rude hit and his cock gives the very back of your throat its own few jabs. a combo if you will — yet it’s more raunchy instead of sportsmanlike.

“eyes on me baby. yeah, yeah,” toji turns your head a bit, locking onto your sweet gaze. “get it wet, clean it up for me. make me just as much of a mess as you, girl.”

his words were so low - an almost growl. you were too focused on toji that you concisely forgot about the other boxer that’s sat underneath you.

choso came and it was so sudden—he couldn’t hold it anymore.

his grip weakens and he slouched back against the ring, spurts of hot cum pouring into you deep. he’s trembling, feeling a wave crash down on him as he’s succumbing to his high. choso can’t help but try to mimic toji, swatting the palm of his hand softly against your ass. even his spanks were respectful.

the worn out boxer pants, letting off an adorable finish. his vocals were quite loud despite having a deep bellow. “baby oh, fuuuck,” he mewls out, dark brows coming together. choso was about to lose it even more at the feeling your swiveling hips throwing itself around in a circle just because. toji watches the entire thing, how you were teasing his partner whilst having your mouth all stuffed full. as he’s stood tall before you both, his abs clench and you get a face view of it all. perfectly incised along the edges, you saw a few marks and scars coat against his skin and it’s never been more attractive. choso on the other hand found his hands grabbing onto your tits, gently brushing a thumb against your sensitive nipples before nuzzling into your neck. he was definitely pussy drunk — you could hear it. “babyyy,” a soft voice whines pussy drunkly against the lobe of your ear, and you depart your lips away from toji’s cock. he groans, viewing you lie back before you start to twitch out a bit yourself.

not only was choso close but so were you. as your legs were all stuck up in the air in its ideal position, you dramatically gasp once you feel it.

there’s a tugging pile of pressure that presses down on your tummy. your jaw drops—dangles and everything as you’re being pushed further toward the edge. your arousal steadily builds up until it finally comes.

just seconds apart from choso, you pant - a brief pang of electric shock ascending down right through you. you were speechless for a moment.

there’s nothing but a white noise blaring through each of your ears. it feels like an unpredictable wave, a powerful wave that ripples right through your entire body. it took you a long time to realize you were finishing - not only finishing but you were squirting.

“ohmygodddd,” you whimper out, feeling your legs vigorously shake. you gush out right onto the mat. feeling yourself grow hot — you’re even hotter because of choso’s body underneath you.

effortlessly, bodies stick against each other, snuggling in filthy warmth. as you’re leisurely coming to a halting stop of your rhythmic hips, choso’s cock remained tuck inside of you and you catch your breath, head cutely flopping back against his bare chest.

“did . . did you just squirt on me?” choso whimpers, a tremor in his voice.

his voice, it grew a bit raspier. although, you could still hear the softness lingering underneath it.

toji leans in toward you both, spreading your legs open just a bit more - he strums a calloused thumb down your opening, peering as you’re still fluttering out of arousal and was still sopping wet all the way from your needy clit.

“she fuckin’ did,” he coos, and he leans down, getting right on his knees.

you watch with low hooded eyes, still feeling surges of nirvana and euphoria overtake your body. toji purrs in contentment, wide open palms slapping against the foamy ring mat before sticking out his lengthy rosy tongue. you’re catching irregular heavy breaths right along with choso, full lungs preparing to collapse and give out before you pulse.

the moment toji drags his long tongue over the dampened spot of where you just made a mess—you felt yourself throb yet again.

so nasty, he had no shame at all. choso watched too, and he felt the exact same way as you did.

“what a mess,” and with another throaty chuckle leaving his lips, he cleans the mat off entirely before going between your legs. you moan, his palm gifting your cunt with a single abrupt spank. you’re so drenched that a few spurts of your slick coat onto his hand. toji stares at it, scoffing. “pussy tryin’ to talk back i see,” and he rubs his hand in a circular rotation against your cunt, maneuvering all kinds of shapes with his palm. you whimper, grabbing onto choso’s wrist. in awe, toji watches as dumps of cum ooze out of your opening and he even licks that up too, sticky black hair all unkempt and gluing against his forehead. the thin black bangs that run down his brows gives him a more alluring look and he hums, darkened eyes meeting his partner’s. “choso. don’t be a zombie. c’meree.”

you were definitely fucked—

being laid out, defeated and just stupidly stupid.

your legs sprawl outward as they’re both right between them. taking turns, flicking tongues of each against your swollen cunt. they took fighting over you to an entire new level. as they were drinking you dry — you couldn’t help but imagine the lewd thought of taking them both at the same time. you’d probably get crushed, you could barely even handle one as is, but two? that’d be an actual knockout for real.

as you’re still in a trancing daze, you watch both of the boxers with wide rounded eyes, grabbing both of them by the hair. there’s choso who’s really sweet and gentle, giving your pussy soft kitten kisses, softly brushing a thumb down your slit.

and then there’s toji . .

the clit biter - opposite of choso being the clit kisser, he doesn’t care.

with ravened brows furrowing up, he’s so rude to your pussy. every few seconds, he’d tenderly nibble against your pulsating nub, knowing that you’re sensitive there. with a smug grin, he shifts his eyes at you to stare at you dead in the face whilst he’s right between your legs. he’s messy too, moving his head from side to side, his scar swipes against your cunt every now and then.

not only was he messy but he was a hogger. he slurps you clean, luxuriating the tasteless flavor on his tongue before he hears choso cutely huff out in frustration.

“toji, you’re hogging her. ��s no fair,” he grunts, dark eyes catching a glimpse at him from his hazy peripherals.

“cry ‘bout it,” and he spits on your cunt, hooked bump of his nose rubbing all against your slit.

already - toji’s chin was drenched, and so was choso’s. they both match with a slick of your sheeny arousal dripping down their perfectly chiseled chins. about a good hour had probably passed — then again, you were too dumb to acknowledge the time. all you knew was that you were soaked. you whimper, being nothing but a stiff shivering mess as they devoured you whole.

the numbness in your legs had your back rising up in ecstasy. you wanted more. sloshing slick tongues thrash and glissade against each other before they eventually . . tangle.

toji groans, accidentally meeting with choso’s lips and its brief. his eyelashes open and he has a sly smile at his rival. you watch the entire thing, the timid boxer versus the smug one. toji’s hand still remains on your folds and he’s multitasking, seductively licking choso’s bottom lip - still locking his gaze on him. he’s starting to taking his attention off of you. “hm, don’t tell me you wanted attention from me ‘n not her this entire time, ‘cho.”

a lump gets caught in his throat. choso grows flustered, hearing his own pulse shoot out through his ears as his lips made contact against his rival. “i—”

he’s hard, flaccid still, but definitely hard. there was a loud silence once a smack noise leaves there lips the second they each depart. choso’s got a pout, a longing pout before he tries to act tough.

“shut up, toji.” he grouses, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“how ‘bout ya make me,” and you’re just sat there dumbfounded with your legs still sprawled as if you weren’t just being fought over - invisible questions marks pop up everywhere over your head. what about you? what about you. with quick reflexes, he pins choso flat down on his back before snickering, having the most lewd back arch imaginable.

“our re-match is tonight after all, pretty boy.”

[dwaekkicidal]

Hii 🫶🏻

First off: I have to tell you your Han series has me in a chokehold I CAN NOT get over it! 😍😍 it just hit all the right spots 😍😫

I don’t know if your request are open but if they are could I request with Han and female reader where Han is jealous/possessive of his girlfriend? Maybe because she is still in the same friend group with her ex or if you prefer give it any other motivation. It can be either swf or nswf, do as you prefer really (but if it is nswf could you make the reader to have a big breast and Han with a 🍒fixation maybe?)

Anyway I love you blog! Have a nice day! 🫶🏻😘

me when i get to self insert myself into a fic cause i have big boobies😼 ALSO TY ASDHJKASDJK i kept feeling really insecure about that series but its getting so much love :''))) im happy you are enjoying it as well as my blog <3

Cherries

˚ʚHan Jisung x fem!Readerɞ˚

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ word count: 1.8k

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ warnings: fem!reader, reader has big boobs but no other physical features described, ex has they/them pronouns, kinda out of character ji?, exhibitionism, nipple play, brief mentions of p in v

DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!

Han’s eyes were narrowed, so sharp that you could cut diamonds with it. He watched intently as you conversed casually with your friend group. It’s not something he thought he would ever see himself getting genuinely mad over, but the familiar face in the crowd made his blood boil.  Had this exact situation taken place more than a year ago, Jisung would have been an anxious mess. Probably would be fiddling with his jacket’s sleeves and restlessly bouncing his leg while his mind went to the worst places possible. But now, after dating you for over 2 years, he was more confident in himself.

Don’t be fooled! He still gets jealous easily. Very easily… but it doesn’t make him as angsty as it used to. Nowadays all he feels is anger. The only thoughts that fill his mind are ones along the lines of “How dare that person talk to my girlfriend like that. Who do they think they are?” while strangers blatantly flirted with you, and he would make fun of them with words like “Did you see their face when you rejected them?? Fucking loser lol” when you would make a face and deny them before running back into his arms.

But those were with strangers. Not with your stupid ex. The same ex who made you hesitant going into this relationship with Han in the first place. And the same ex that managed to snake their way back into your friend group. While his thoughts were about the same, Han wasn’t very keen on taking his eyes off of them. The trust was still there with you, but he knew better than to trust your ex. The slimy, sugar-coated lies they told the group wouldn’t work on him. 

A hand being placed on his shoulder cut him from his thoughts. He was in full fight mode and completely missed the way you walked up to where he was on the couch. The game room the group had rented out for a few hours was filled with their booming voices and a random playlist off of somebody's Spotify. Some people were playing pool while the others stood nearby to watch and instigate mini brawls here and there. He was the only one who idly sat on the couch, drink in hand.

You knew he was in guard dog mode because of your ex’s presence so you made sure to break your attention from the group regularly to check up on him. Only this time he accidentally ignored you, so you made your way towards him. “You okay, Ji?” You smiled sideways and tilted your head, stealing a sip from his soda and settling yourself between his legs. Immediately all the anger drained from his body and he smiled up at you. His hands wrapped around your waist and he sat up, pulling you closer as he nodded.

“Yeah... Sorry haha.” You smiled sweetly and placed his cup on the coffee table, wrapping your arms around his neck once the cup was safely set down. “It’s okay, I know the situation is a little uncomfortable.” You whisper and tighten your hold around him, squeezing him lovingly and giggling to yourself when he rests his cheek against your chest. He grins like an idiot at his personal pillow and shoves his face harder until you eventually get red in the face and push him back. “Hey now… We’re still in public.”

“That can change. Let’s go home right now and I’ll show you a good time?” He smirks and pulls you closer. His chin rests against the top of your chest and he looks up at you with puppy eyes and his signature pout. “C’monn… I’ve been good all day.” His hands drop down to your hips, digging his fingers into them as his voice drops an octave, “‘Promise to show you a good time. You know Hannie always takes care of his baby-”

Your name gets called and the both of you jump. You chuckle and turn in his grasp, now standing sideways to respond to the person. He let his eyes return to your group, simply curious about who you interrupted his begging but was made even angrier by the expression that painted your ex’s face. They were frowning deeply behind their drink and glaring at the two of you, obviously wired up about his hands that were wrapped around you. Han stared back with the same fire, knowing all too well what the other person wanted. But then he smiled to himself.

As you casually chatted with your friend, Han let his hand fall down to your waist. He did it at an angle that only showed it off to your ex, making them watch as his hand slipped under your shirt. The fabric bulged out as he grabbed a handful of your tits, kneading the flesh there as they held eye contact. Eye contact that was held as he leaned in, hiding his face from everybody else as he wrapped his lips around your clothed nipple. He made a show of even sticking his tongue out and licking your nipple over your shirt while his other hand continued to squeeze the other boob from, what seemed like, the inside of your bra

Han’s ego inflated to the size of the sun as he watched your ex’s jaw drop. Their eyes went up to your face and, besides the blush that covered it, there wasn’t a single reaction. You were so used to it that the obscene action didn’t even make you flinch. Which only pissed your ex off more. They huffed and shook their head, walking to the door and mumbling something along the lines of ‘Fuck this.’ While everybody’s attention turned to the first person to leave the function, you turned to your boyfriend and shook your head at him. “Really? All that about behaving too.”

“Not my fault their edgy ass didn't like it. I licked it so it’s mine.” You laughed and parted from your boyfriend, returning back to the pool table. After that, it didn’t take long for everybody to separate. The people who didn’t have the balls to be the first to leave shortly made their way out after your ex did. Your boyfriend was one of them as well and quickly made it obvious to you that he genuinely wanted to leave soon, so you both bid your farewells and made your way outside.

The second your food hit the concrete, Jisung dragged you to the nearest empty alleyway. One that, if the sun wasn’t already set, would have been very easy to look down and see the two of you. Alas, your boyfriend did not have a single care about that. If anything, the thought of somebody seeing you only egged him on.

Han shoves you into the brick wall, slamming his lips against yours and running his hands all over your body. They started at your thighs, where he squeezed the flesh of your thighs before sliding up to your hips and doing the same. Then his hands rested at your hips for a moment. He was too distracted pushing his tongue past your lips to continue on with his expedition. Once you both found a comfortable rhythm and your hands ran up his arms, he started moving again.

This time he slowly ghosted his hands up your stomach and stopped at your chest where he squeezed your boobs tightly. Then he pulls away from your lips, smirking at you and pecking your cheek before dipping his head down. You feel his lips against your neck and you moan quietly before rolling your neck to the side, giving him more space to work with. He doesn't linger there for long though. As much as your boyfriend loves marking you up, he only leaves a single one to your neck before he dips even lower.

He leaves a trail of kisses on his way to your boobs and, before you have the chance to react or push him away, his hands tug your shirt up to your neck. “Ji- Wait until we get home, baby. We shouldn’t do this he-” He cuts you off by nibbling your right nipple through your bra. His other hand slides under the bottom hem of your bra, grabbing a handful of your boob and rubbing that nipple between his middle knuckles. You moan loudly and tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging it in hopes that he would pull away but also stop and just take you to do this at home.

He moans against your clothed nipple and licks it seductively through the fabric, looking up at you with those brown boba eyes. Despite his lack of words, you already know what those pretty eyes want. You bite your lip and nervously look towards the entrance of the alley, watching as cars dart back and forth. But no people. “F-Fuck. Fine. But make it quick!” He smiles widely against you and nods.

His head pulls away from you for a moment, only to allow him to reach around and undo your bra. He doesn’t even bother taking it off of you, he just pushes it up with your shirt and dives back in. “Mine.” A loud moan leaves your lips as he suddenly bites the side of your tit, then he apologetically licks over his teeth marks. “Yours.” He smiles and grabs both of your boobs, fondling them as he alternates his attention to each nipple.

“God. I fucking love your tits, Jagi. And they’re all mine, right?” You nod and throw your head back as you moan, gripping his strands even tighter than before. He moans and bucks his hips into the air. “Answer me.” One of his hands moves down to your thighs and slides up under your skirt. It dips deeper, rubbing your clit through the fabric of your panties before wrapping around behind you and grabbing a handful of your ass cheek. “Jagiya… Say. It. A-gain.” He lands a sloppy slap to your ass with each word, smiling into your boob when your legs clench together.

“‘M yours, Ji! Please, babyy~” He wastes no time after that, pulling his pants and boxers down just enough for his dick to poke out. The hand that was on your ass pumps his dick a few times as his other pushes your leg up, holding it up and giving him space to fuck into you. His mouth finally releases your nipple in favor of poking his tongue out the corner of his mouth as he pushes in. Both of you moan at the feeling and lock eyes for a moment before he leans in and pushes his lips against yours.

He pulls away and leans down again, wrapping his lips around your neglected nipple. Then he tests the water with slow thrusts. Ones that speed up rather fast once he realizes how deep he can go in this position. The grip he has on your hips is bruising as he starts to slam his hips into yours.

“Mine. All fucking mine.”

Taglist:

@jiminssluttyminx @changisworld @juskz @linohumina @rylea08

@grandma143 @caught-in-the-afterglow @yaorzu-blog @jabmastersupriseee

[blueparadis]

❝IF ONLY I COULD❞ + KAVEH

+. CWs —» f-reader, s!her pronouns, m-masturbation, implied accidental voyeurism, subtle undertones of perv!kaveh & bottom-dom!kaveh, wet dreams, mention of al-haitham; word count — 0.8kish.

+. PRECIS —» Kaveh can’t help it, you are just too much for him and hence he decides to keep you off his mind.

+. NOTES —» phew! The way he has me in a chokehold. . . also I'm trying a new style of writing so feel free to send me kaveh thoughts:> you can read my works via NAVIGATION LINKS.

In his memory, Kaveh has always found her engaging as well as entertaining even if he had bleak chances of talking to her. It is true that he is often teased about her, especially by al-haitham, whenever he catches those cherry eyes lurking over her, looking for her.

But lately, she has been frequenting his mind more than before, more than in one way and all because of a lucid dream. The first time when he saw her in his dreams, in a white nightgown laughing before extending her arms towards him , he gasped and woke up from his sleep thinking why it had to be her?

And since then, he has been attracted towards her, romantically perhaps and hence he stopped visiting the library during her work shifts. He wanted to stay away from her, now more than ever since he hated the feeling of loneliness that lingered underneath his skin every time he dreamt of her, thought of her.

Yet here he was, submerged in her thoughts and far away from this world. Kaveh should not, he really should not since he knew that if he did this once there is no coming back.

Moreover, chances are there that she will be more vivid than before in his dreams, in his mind and every time she passes by Kaveh at the workplace. But now, it is too late to think of what might be the consequences of his thoughts. The strain in his pants has already become unbearable.

Kaveh slides his right arm under his vest grazing his lower belly thinking for the last time, but eventually, his arm slipped into his pants, his fingers clamping around his length, and finally, a soft groan escaped from his mouth. The tip of his tongue kisses the corner of his lips as he takes out his cock that was coated with a warm white fluid, pre-cum.

For a moment, he is surprised, and then he is not. There is a crescent along his lips as he taps the tip of his cock, smearing the reddened end with its pre.

“Oh fuck. This feels so much better.”, he huffs looking over his shoulder to check if al-haitham is really asleep or not. Kaveh thinks he is sleeping, he better be otherwise the worst case that could happen is that she would not smile while looking at him but rather avoid him if there were any eye contact to happen henceforth.

He palms his member, a little harder this time trying to imagine how it would feel to be sheathed by her gummy walls. He starts to pump his cock as his pants were clustered at the bottom of the chair while his legs were trying to give space as much as possible by spreading them further.

He revisits his memories, memories where she and her beautiful body were in abundance: the first time you smiled at him, the accidental touch when she was handing him the papers he asked for, that late evening when he caught you bathing, naked and gleaming in the moonlight.

He picks the last one, where he watched you scrub yourself, your plush body, your boobs, and hardened nipples. He remembers how he felt his cock twitch at that moment and now he is pumping his cock rashly, the hem of his vest being buried in between his teeth, muffled moans escaping his mouth as the squelching noises become louder and louder.

His other hand gradually makes its way towards his nipples, pinching and circling around them thinking of her lips on his. “Oh fuck.”, he hisses as his toes curl, his hips buck up with a force as he thinks how euphoric would it be to have her soft calloused hands on his cock, to have her warm lips in his, to have her boobs pressed against his bare chest, pronounced nipples grazing against each other while Kaveh’s cock is hitting her sweet spot with precision and all he could hear is the blend of desperate moans, of his and her.

He squeezes his eyes shut as his hands move up and down his swollen cock, hitting his girth with calculated thrusts. He paces up as he feels his orgasm approaching, huffing and panting, not caring how vocal he has become until the coil at the core of his flat belly snaps making him dizzy, his hand movements sloppy, and his inner thighs closing in slowly.

Kaveh’s chest rises up and down frantically as he finally opens his eyes watching the spurs of milky white fluid all over the floor and his study desk. A heavy sigh leaves his body as his breathing normalizes. 

“If only I could tell her . . .”, he mumbles before closing his eyes and thinking of you, again. He takes a few moments to relax before cleaning the mess.

—

@tokyometronetwork

[wordstome]

Shrike pt. 3 - who we are

König x high school sweetheart reader

2nd person, she/her pronouns, reader is Austrian/has lived in Austria and speaks German for most of the story, romance, pining, friends to lovers, reader's nickname is Thorn, König's first name is Alexander, absolute tooth rotting fluff, corny as hell towards the end

2.8k words

tw: physical and emotional abuse, violence (chokehold, stabbing, throat slitting)

Hello to everyone reading this from my main blog! In case you haven't seen the pinned post on bucca2, this is my new writing blog. Everything I publish will be here on wordstome now. Please feel free to unfollow bucca2 and follow me here!

also PARIS PALOMA TEASED HER NEW SONG "DRYWALL" JUST FOR SHRIKE CHAPTER 3 SPREAD THE WORD

[PART 1] [PART 2 (PREV)] [MASTERLIST]

What I had left here I just held it tight So someone with your eyes Might come in time To hold me like water Or Christ, hold me like a knife

When you’re in total darkness, your eyes adjust. You can see everything around you, but it’s all devoid of color. Then when the light turns on, it blinds you, but it’s better to be blinded momentarily than to live in the dark forever.

That’s how it feels as you prepare to travel home. To escape. You’re antsy, excited and petrified at the same time. Before, it felt like the days flew past in a murky haze. Now, even the seconds crawl.

It feels like moving in a dream, like you’ll wake up any day now and it will all be taken away from you. Your hope, your new dreams for the future, your König.

A shiver runs through you. Where did “your König” come from?

When you’re not occupied with the anxiety of keeping such a huge secret from your husband, all you think about is König. You’ve spent the past few weeks in a haze, like he’s put some sort of spell on you. You do get a kick out of imagining him as a witch with a hat and cauldron.

But you know it’s something simpler than that. All the feelings you used to have for him have returned.  It’s different than the heady rush you used to get with your husband. It feels sweeter, like you really are a teenage girl with a crush all over again.

It feels naïve, but you also don’t care. You feel safe despite the situation you’re still in, for the first time in a long time. You never would have expected to see König again—even less so for him to become your saving grace.

It seems silly in hindsight that you had been so frightened of him. Sure, the mask was a lot. But it had been something about his energy. It was different than you had ever felt from him, before or after your reunion. If he was that way on the battlefield, then no wonder he had earned the nickname König. You’re not sure if it scares or awes you.

You’re about to find out.

An anxiety attack is the worst feeling in the world.

You dry heave. Your chest feels like a roiling ball of angry carrion birds hollowing you out. You shake like a leaf in the wind. You fall down a long, dark pit of despair as your stomach seizes with nausea.

The train’s delayed. There’s been an issue with the tracks leading out of the city. No trains will be leaving for 12 hours.

You should have just sat in the terminal and waited, or tried to contact König, but you’re not thinking straight. All of your thoughts are focused on your husband, and what he’ll do if he comes home and finds you gone. You decide, somehow, that it would be wiser to throw yourself back into the lion’s den and pretend everything’s alright instead of waiting for him to come raging into the train station and pull you out by the hair. The thought of that is the only thing that gets you up off the wall you were hyperventilating against and back towards home.

The plan is to get home before he does and hide your suitcases. He’s usually not home by this time, anyway. You chalk the rising sense of dread in the pit of your stomach up to your anxiety and turn the handle to go in.

Fuck.

He’s standing in the kitchen.

The years have not been kind to him. He’s far from the charming young man you married. He’s wretched, unkempt, angry. It’s clear he’s been drinking, maybe even before he left work. The shadows etch themselves into the lines of his face as his expression twists into something awful, inhuman. You stand, frozen, as he approaches you.

“Planning a trip without me?” he asks with an awful grin.

You can still salvage this. “Yes. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, but I just received word. My mother’s not doing well. I have to go see her.”

“You lie like a whore,” he snarls. “Don’t think I haven’t been paying attention. You’re different nowadays. Not the nice obedient woman I married.”

Your fear turns to anger in an instant. Years and years of this horseshit, waiting on him hand and foot, placing his smallest whims before your own needs and wants—it rushes up through you like hot steam. His nice obedient woman. And the worst thing is, you hate that he’s not wrong. That is what you’ve become.

“Yesterday I came home and you hadn’t even started dinner. Where were you, huh? Running around on me behind my back?” It’s difficult to describe, but his smile is oily: sleazy, untrustworthy, dangerous. “With that big fuck in a hood that came here with the mercenaries, perhaps?”

Your blood runs cold at that. Has he seen you with König? When? Why hasn’t he said anything? It feels like you’re stepping into a trap, but you must move forward if you want to get out.

“He’s going to get what’s coming to him, alright. My manager has a direct line to his boss. One word from him will get that fucker deployed to the middle of nowhere on a suicide mission.”

It’s an absurd threat, and you know it. This drunken idiot has no idea what he’s talking about—as if some middle-management bureaucrat could persuade a PMC to dispose of a soldier like König. But it’s the audacity that irks you. You’ve lived your life serving this man for too long, and now he thinks the world will bend to his whims. There’s absolutely no way he can touch König, but an old and familiar anger rises in you.

A long overdue revelation dawns on you now. He’s a bully. The same as Andreas: little boys with petty insults and empty threats. Pushing people around because their own lives are empty and unsatisfying.

An eerie calm breaks through you like the sky cutting through a storm. The man before you is just a feral animal, snarling and snapping in desperation. You’re not afraid of him anymore.

You reach behind you and slowly roll open the knife drawer, grabbing the first one your fingers land on.

“I’m leaving. I’m leaving this house, this country, and this marriage,” you say, gripping the knife in a defensive position. Your father taught you how to hold a knife like this: backwards, with the blade along your arm, sharp edge facing outwards.

“This way, it’s much more difficult for someone to turn the blade against you,” he had told you, demonstrating the motion by moving your arm towards your chest. The memory makes you smile. At the time, you’d been indulging your old man—he had always said that violence was a last resort, but that the world was unkind and one day you may have to defend yourself. He was right, just as he was when he told you he had reservations about your marriage.

You’re going home. You’re going to see your father again. And you’ll never have to tolerate the loathsome toad before you again.

The beast laughs. “What do you think you’re going to do with that? Stab me?” He’s up against you before you can react, the breath leaving your lungs in a gasp as he pins you against a wall by the throat.

“You. Are. Mine. You will never raise a hand against me because I own you,” he hisses, his alcohol-laced breath foul against your face. “And it’s high time you remembered that.” His grip tightens like an iron vice around your throat, but you’re not afraid. Even as your vision begins to blur and blacken, you stare directly into his eyes. They’re like red-hot coals of fury, but you see what’s behind them now. The fear. The cowardice of a desperate man who has no recourse but to lay his hands on someone who can’t fight back.

“You’re pathetic,” you rasp, lips tugging into a smile. The coals burn brighter. The hand squeezes tighter. The adrenaline surges through you like a tide—and your body acts to protect itself, in a way that you haven’t allowed it to in a long time. A feeling as sweet and familiar as an old friend.

The knife makes its home right between his ribs.

He staggers away from you, as if you had slightly winded him instead of stabbed him in the heart. Your hands instantly go to your throat as you cough and sputter, lightheaded and dizzy but alive, so alive. You’ve never felt so alive as you do right now, watching the demon of your own personal hell look down at the blade sticking out of him.

“You stupid little bitch—” He makes as if to lunge at you, but time slows. Your eyes widen as the shadows behind him melt and solidify into a figure. Tall and hooded. No knight in shining armor, but an assassin of deepest night.

König slashes through your husband’s throat in one deadly, beautiful motion.

Your husband falls to the ground like dead weight, gasping and choking on his own blood. Your eyes are fixed on him, a strange sensation bubbling through you. You’re making some kind of noise, loud and cacophonous, as König steps over the dying animal who has controlled you your whole adult life.

His arms find their way around you as you slowly sink to the ground, howling and wailing. He’s so patient, you think numbly with some corner of your mind that remains untouched by the mania seizing the rest of you. The two of you sit there, his body warm and solid against yours, as your body slowly exits fight or flight mode.

“Alex?” you say hoarsely once you’re in your right mind again.

“I’m here,” he rumbles.

You turn to look at him as he pulls the hood off his head. There he is, your Alexander, all grown up. He’s rugged, with nasty-looking white scars streaked across his face, but so, so handsome. His eyes are still the same as he looks at you with something akin to rapturous adoration. Your green-eyed boy.

“You’re back, rosethorn,” he says with a wide grin. There’s a touch of madness to it, but you can’t bring yourself to care.

“Was I…” Exhaustion sets in, seeping through your whole body. “Was I crying or laughing just now?”

He shifts you onto his lap, cradling you like a baby as you look up at him.

“I think you were laughing.”

The police release you after just over half an hour of questioning.

You aren’t going anywhere, of course. They’re leaving you, exiting your hospital room with murmurs of well-wishes for your health. They’ve hardly left the room when König comes striding in, instantly moving to your bedside and holding your hand in his.

He looks tired too, his eyes soft as he takes in your small smile. You’re sure he was being interrogated for much longer than you, but it looks like he passed muster as well. Not as if you had anything to worry about—what could the local police have done to the commander of the mercenaries taking down their local terrorist cell anyway?

“Are you alright? Did they clear you?” His expression hardens as he glances at your neck. You nod weakly. Your throat is going to be bruised for a while, but your attacker hadn’t done any lasting damage.

Attacker. Husband. Corpse. All of these words describe the same thing now.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner,” he says mournfully. “He shouldn’t have had the chance to attack you like that.”

You shake your head at him. He didn’t know that you weren’t on the train heading home, after all. The room is quiet for a few moments, save for the distant beeping of a heart monitor.

“Why…” you manage to ask. He knows what you’re trying to say.

“Why was I there?” He glances around to make sure nobody’s listening, and leans in to whisper in your ear.

“I was there to kill him, of course.”

You shudder a little. He admits it so casually, that he was in your house because he was there to commit a murder. You should be afraid of him, but you feel around in your brain and come up empty-handed.

Instead, you find yourself worried. For him. “What if you had gotten in trouble?”

He snorts. “You underestimate me, rosethorn. I would have just framed it as a robbery.”

You nod. Oh God…does that mean he had planned this? Why doesn’t that horrify or disgust you? You’re just going to have to dissect that later. Right now, you only feel a warm affection towards the man stroking his thumb along your hand in a soothing motion.

“So…what comes next?”

“You’re asking me? We can do whatever you like. I can take you home.”

Home. Where is that, now? It’s certainly not in the house you’ve left behind, where the ghost of the man you were married to settles in every nook and cranny. It doesn’t feel like your childhood home where your parents are, either.

It’s such a corny saying, “home is where the heart is”. But home feels like it’s already here, sitting next to your hospital bed with the fondest look in his eyes.

“I’d like to travel,” you whisper. The with you goes unspoken.

“I have plenty of leave time saved up.”

You flip your hand so you can hold his. It’s huge next to yours. This is the hand that slit your husband’s throat, a hand that has killed countless people.

You’re not sentimental enough to pretend that’s not an issue. You’re not entirely sure this is happily ever after: that all of your problems are solved because you’ve replaced one violent man with another. But another part of you yearns to be the one who gets protected. You’ll take care of König, and you know he’ll take care of you. In his own way.

You can ask the questions later. Right now, you have lost time to make up for.

“Are you sure you should be wearing that scarf?”

The air is cold, but the wind is soft instead of feeling like tiny blades against your face. You tug said scarf down from your face and take in a lungful of crisp, icy air.

“I’ll be fine,” you reassure König as he hauls himself up the last ridge to where you’re standing. “It’s loose enough. And it’s chilly.”

“If you say so.” He tugs his neck gaiter further up his nose. “What a view, hm?”

You’re standing on Mont Blanc, blanketed by serene white snow just as the name promised. Further below you, the skiing slopes are crawling with tourists, but here in this little outcropping, the only sound is the occasional rush of wind and your voices.

“I think I can see Salzburg from here,” you say, pointing off into gorgeous landscape spread out before you.

“That is most certainly still Switzerland,” König says, amused. You turn to look at him instead and are rewarded with his shining green eyes looking right back at you.

“Whatever!” You let out a dissatisfied hmph, which draws a hearty laugh from him.

“You came all the way to Chamonix just so you could look at Austria again?”

“It’s a very tall mountain,” you argue.

“It’s one of many very tall mountains. We could have just gone to Großglockner.”

“That’s boring. I’ve always wanted to visit France.”

“You wanted to visit a very expensive ski chalet.”

“Bite me.”

“I just might!” You giggle and squeal as he grabs you, chasing your face with his as you squirm around.

“It is beautiful,” he concedes as he holds a hand above his eyes to keep off the sun. “Almost as beautiful as you.”

“I should push you off this peak right now.”

“You couldn’t move me an inch.” He grabs you by the waist and holds you tight to emphasize his point. You can’t even shift his arms off you, no matter how hard you push.

“Ok, fine, you win.” You pout at him, but he doesn’t let you go.

The dynamic the two of you share is so easygoing and relaxed, it’s like you had a rhythm all along that both of you just fell back into. But of course, there are some things you’ve never done together. Like travel together.

Or kiss.

“Are you going to do it this time?” you ask him, smiling.

His nose wrinkles up, uncharacteristically cute for someone like him. “Well, I was going to, but then you had to open your mouth.”

You cackle. “Go on then.”

“Can I?”

“I just said yes!”

“I forgot how much you like to talk,” he complains. Before you can say another word, he captures your lips in his.

The sky is vivid and blue as the whole world stretches out before you.

#RIPBOZO

Here we are! We're at the end of this little story I started writing on a whim. Honestly, this means a lot to me personally: I wrote a lot when I was younger, but high school and university were very difficult times for me, and I stopped writing fanfiction. I tried to get back into it during the pandemic, but I was never able to finish anything beyond a long-ish drabble. I'm quite proud of this.

Even still, I feel like there are a lot of stories that I still want to tell about this couple. There's quite a lot that I decided to cut from these main 3 chapters for the sake of pacing and time. There's a little bit of dissatisfaction at not having crammed in every little detail that I wanted, but if there's one thing that writing university papers has taught me, it's that perfectionism will keep you from getting anything done. So you will be getting more from Alex and Thorn in the future!

I know a lot of you were anticipating what delicious revenge König was going to exact on Thorn's husband, so I hope you weren't too disappointed ;; While I personally would have loved to have König strap him to a chair in the basement and do some morbid things with a knife, I think it was important for Thorn's character that she's involved in it. While of course the main focus of this story is König, Shrike is also about his beloved Thorn. I hope to explore König and the darker (and pervier) aspects of his character more in subsequent stories. But for now, they're getting a well-deserved happy ending.

One last thing before I go: Chamonix is a resort town in central/southeast France, not far from Lyon. (Sorry, I don't know whether Lyon is south enough to be considered southern France lol). Mont Blanc is Chamonix's main peak of the Alps, and is known for how pretty it is and being at the border of France, Switzerland, and Italy. As König said, if you wanted to visit a mountain as an Austrian, there are several of them at home you could visit, but since I visited it a few years ago, Chamonix has a special place in my heart. I just had to cram it in!

As usual, I'm excited to see your comments and feedback. I've read every single thing everybody has commented about this fic, even if I couldn't respond to you all, and I appreciate it so deeply. Whenever I get feedback I literally feel like kicking my feet and giggling. And if you want to ask questions or request specific scenarios with Thorn and Alex, please do send me an ask!

@crowbird @poohkie90 @cumikering @iytatsworld @papaver-decervicatus @anxietyrain @riotakire @ax0lotly @kneelingshadowsalome @cookiepie111 @kacchasu @no1runawaymilkdad @chthonian-spectre @backwards-readings @yxllowtxpe @garbau @hexqueensupreme @queenthorin1 @violetstyless @her-majesty-theking @vegan-peppermint @peonytarian @ghostslittlegf @euuuuuuun @e1x03 @kokonoiwife @deaddainish @dragonfang @teehee-47 @catluvwr @fireballoveraltanta

psst. to my tag list people while I have you here: naturally I will continue tagging you in other Shrike stories, but I'll also be using this same tag list for every other König fic I write. If you'd like to opt out of that, let me know. (No hard feelings, of course :3)

[patrophthia]

fallin’ for ya | james potter

pairing: james potter x reader

genre: fluff, pining (kinda mutual pining), humor, crack, more fluff omg so fluffy

words count: 1.7k

original posted on wattpad

"you know [l/name], we were just talking about you before you came over."

before she could even retort about how they went back to last name basis and playfully reprimand him for it, he added, "james wanted to know if you'd like to go out with him this weekend."

“you twat!" he shouted, grabbing sirius in chokehold which only resulted in peter helping sirius fight for his life. "you dickhead, why didn't you let me ask her that myself?"

"because, you'd end up postponing it like you always do. it's been months prongs! get it over with!" screamed sirius between breaths, "honestly, you were putting gryffindor's name to shame."

it wasn't a rare occurrence for the quidditch teams to wreak havoc as they pass by the hallways. so really, it was the same old ordinary story for her to discuss her classes with her friends as a group of loud boys walked by.

now, there's one thing you should know. [name] has always prided herself to not be the type who falls for a guy who flashes her a smile (her friendship with the notorious sirius black which started from his failed attempts of trying woo her as evidence). she didn't swoon when sirius called her petnames, nothing. no matter how cool for school he may seem to be.

but there was something, something so unexplainable, a feeling that had her in a fit off smiley giggles —no matter how unlike her it was to do so— that had her scolding herself internally when james potter cruised by, grinning at her the second he spotted her.

she knew right then and there that she was in deep shit. they knew each other, of course they did, sirius would never stop talking about one to other and vice versa which meant that they're sort of acquaintances.

but merlin, something about that smile, the way his hazel eyes crinkled behind his round glasses, the slight dimples on his cheeks and the perfectly straight teeth that he had, had her in a fit. she was certain he'd still be the boy that she'd pick in a line of thirty hot guys.

"oh fuck."

"oh fuck's right," her friend, lucien retorted after having caught her staring at james, demanding a confession of sort. "i mean out of all the boys in hogwarts, you chose potter?"

"i didn't choose to!" she argued with a defensiveness that she didn't expect from herself. "i just fell for him!"

"good lord, you might as well prance around singing to him 'i've fallen for you! i know i shouldn't but i just can't stop myself' maybe he'll sing it back to you," lucien said teasingly, creating a tune as she went with her words. "perhaps you won't be lonely for the first time in -what, six years?"

"you're the worst friend ever," she groaned. the pair of them turning the corner so they could enter the transfiguration classroom. "you're supposed to help me get over him, this isn't good new for either of us-"

"good afternoon, [l/name]."

"er- good afternoon, potter," she greeted in return in a more questioning manner, he only smiled; turning back to his conversation with his friend. the feeling of blood rushing to her cheeks not missed by herself.

"er- good morning, potter," lucien said mockingly, a smirk on her thin lips. "i never pegged the great [f/name] as the type to fall for a guy just 'cause he says hi."

"it was 'good afternoon' not 'hi' and those are big words for someone who choked on pumpkin juice just 'cause they made eye contact with evans."

•••

she knew it was a mistake to introduce lucien to sirius. merlin, lucien alone was too much for one to handle when it comes to teasing, but put the two drama queens together? that was just a disaster waiting to happen. so when sirius approached her, tearing away from his herbology partner to annoy the life out of her, she was more than prepare to suffer for the next hour.

"so..." sirius drawled out, snatching her attention away from the plants she was maintaining. "a little birdie told me you fancy a certain friend of mine."

"yeah, lupin is one good looking lad," she quipped, praying that her body wouldn't betray her collapse right then and there from embarrassment. goddamn it lucien.

sirius rolled his eyes exaggeratedly; trying to get her to understand just how 'annoyed' she made him feel. "honestly [name], i'm pretty sure james fancy you too you know."

the way he spoke so nonchalantly put her on edge, but that didn't stop her from perking up to try to get more information from him. "we were talking the other day and he said you looked really pretty when he spotted you during one of his practices, that's a crush if i saw one."

"something about you catching his gaze as he was preparing to race," he muttered with a mischievous smile, "truly poetic."

"would you stop?" she grumbled, going back to attending her plants. "it's honestly not that big of a deal."

"not that big of a deal?" sirius gasp dramatically, pressing a hand on his chest for good measure. "this is the love of your life and it's not that big of a deal?"

she rolled her eyes, a remark ready at the tip of the tongue when professor sprout loudly clear her throat cutting off the pair's conversation.

"mister potter could you please focus on your partner rather than miss [l/name]?" she questioned, for the briefest moment she thought she saw a small smile on the edge of the professor's lip but she was quick to change her expression to a stern one. "or did you want to switch partners? if that's the case, you'll need to discuss it with miss [l/name]."

"no professor," he said quickly; rubbing the back of his neck as his ears flushed pink, "i-i was just a bit distracted."

the professor hummed, taking his excuse without further questions, letting him continue on his work. from her side she could feel sirius physically vibrating with excitement, slowly she turned; facing him once more to see —exactly what she expected to see when it comes to sirius— the human embodiment of an enthusiastic puppy.

"seeeeeeeee?" he dragged out, smiling from ear to ear, "sirius black is never wrong miss [l/name]."

•••

christmas was approaching, fast. and like any other rational 'high school student' sirius had the bright idea to throw a christmas party just before the break started. which led to her to where she was now; in the middle of a crowded common room trying to find her raven-haired friend yet all her effort was to no avail.

the room was packed, loud music that she could faintly recognize the track of blaring from every corner of the place, the air was humid; hot from all the bodies dancing and grinding against one another.

lucien had (for once in her life time) sat out from this party, having land herself a date with a redhead she'd been pining over since the start of this school year. so really, [name] was as alone as one could be and she was really regretting her decision to have even gotten dressed up to come in the first place.

remus was tall, she knew that, almost everyone in their year knew that, but she never stopped to think for second about how much of life safer his height was. merlin, knows the relief she felt the second she spotted his mousy head of hair bopping to the beat of the song a mere feet away from her.

it was an unspoken rule she had ingrained into her mind: wherever one marauder was, there would be the other three.

her feet moved before her mind even process it's movement, pushing pass people in pursuit of the prefect who really should be stopping the party but was instead joining in the fun.

sirius was quick to cheer her name when his eyes met her, bringing her to his side and handing her a brand new bottle of butterbeer. "i thought you'd ditched on me."

"and have you bother me about how i betrayed you for the rest of the break?" she retorted, twisting the cap open and taking a sip, "no thanks."

"and here i thought that you'd come to see me." he pouted, making sure that he was giving her his best puppy eyes so he could play victim. "turns out you just find me annoying."

"everyone does," remus snorted, joining in the conversation.

sirius tutted, annoyance playing on his features when he suddenly had a bright idea. "you know [l/name], we were just talking about you before you came over."

before she could even retort about how they went back to last name basis and playfully reprimand him for it, he added, "james wanted to know if you'd like to go out with him this weekend."

james quickly protested, hazel eyes going wide with shock as his cheeks flushed up, ears tinted red out of embarrassment. "you twat!" he shouted, grabbing sirius in chokehold which only resulted in peter helping sirius fight for his life. "you dickhead, why didn't you let me ask her that myself?"

"because, you'd end up postponing it like you always do. it's been months prongs! get it over with!" screamed sirius between breaths, "honestly, you were putting gryffindor's name to shame."

remus with enough sensibility, and a final snort, pulled the three boys apart; freeing sirius from james grip along with peter and pulled themselves away, giving james and [name] time to converse between themself.

"so.." she trailed off, looking straight at him, "would you still like to go out this weekend?" james blinked, staring at her like a deer in headlights. his mouth opening and shutting. "because, i'd like to."

fuck, she was digging herself into a deeper hole with every second that passes by, "only if you want to, of course. if not it's completely fine, i-"

"yeah." he cut her off, staring at her. "i'd love to," he added after clearing his throat, "i'll see you then?"

"yeah, i'll see you then," she agreed, feeling giddy the longer they maintain eye contact. after a second she turned; deciding that it was best to leave it as it is only to be stopped by a hand grasping her wrist. she looked over her shoulder, meeting his eyes once more.

"do you want to dance?"

—from bee: i love james potter ‼️

[thatfreshi]

"When I Feel Used" (Uni AU P. 3)

I am sorry for the angst in advance, my finger slipped

tw - references to alcohol and sex, lots of yelling, hints at abuse

@justporo

The two of you are silent, and you can sense some kind of negative energy on him. You're not sure if it's anger or shame, or maybe both. All you know is he had sex with you, but didn't really want to. It makes you feel a little gross, trying to figure out what even happened. Astarion hides it well though, shifting through many different personas constantly.

"All that and you didn't even get any champagne."

He makes the joke, hoping it will evoke some kind of laugh from you. You say nothing. Instead, you get out at the next stoplight. He doesn't stop you. It doesn't take too long to get back to campus. Once outside your dorm, you are met yet again with intense arguing.

"Damnit Karlach, you can't skate out here! How many times do I have to tell you?!"

A man with short braids is shouting at a muscle-heavy woman, who is currently shredding on the stair railing.

"Why? Because your silly admin mom told you I can't? Just relax already, learn to have some fun."

The woman then sticks her tongue out at him.

"Why, I should tell Coach!"

"You wouldn't. You're too busy being the uptight SGA president to visit the gym."

"Karlach, please just go skate somewhere else."

"Wyll it's almost 11 pm. Where else would you like me to go?"

"Anywhere! Quite literally anywhere else!"

The woman, who you notice has shaved sides in her hair, finally sees you.

"Hey! You wanna come skate?"

She shouts across the little clearing in front of the dorm.

"Okay, no, do not encourage her please."

At this point, you try desperately to ignore them. It's been such a strange night already, and you just want to sleep. As long as Lae'zel and Shadowheart haven't burnt down the room yet. You pass by the man, who places a kind hand on your shoulder.

"It's Wyll by the way, your SGA president. Let me know if you need anything."

He gives a soft smile, and then turns to yell at Karlach again, but she's already gone.

"Ugh, damn you Karlach!"

When you finally get back to the room, it's oddly silent. Instead of trying to decide whether they're asleep or murdered each other, you simply go to your room, and head to bed almost immediately. You sit there for a while though, thoughts about the night buzzing in your head. Perhaps you'd tell Shadowheart about it tomorrow, see what she makes of the whole thing.

While you would've loved to wake up to the peaceful sun through your window, or perhaps maybe even your alarm clock, you're awoken to Lae'zel and Shadowheart screaming at 5 am.

"You know my leg is fucked, you can't just trip me like that!"

"Oh, seems I didn't notice. Whoopsies."

You can practically hear the smile on Shadowheart's face, until you instead hear the two start to get physical. Dreadfully picking up your legs and getting out of bed, you open the door and stomp down the hall.

"God damn it, can we not right now!"

They pause and stare at you. Lae'zel has Shadowheart in a chokehold with her elbow, and Shadowheart had just kicked her in the leg.

"I already had basically the worst night ever, and I would've liked to sleep in and not think about it, but no! Here you two are, screaming at each other! Does no one in this school know how to act?!"

With that, you head towards the front door, about to leave in your pajamas to simply get out of the dorm. When you slam the door open, it makes a loud thunk against someone who apparently just tried to knock on the door.

"Ugh, and why are you here!"

The pale 'red-eyed' man from last night was at your door for some reason.

"Because I'm trying to sleep, and these bitches are being too loud!"

Astarion yells over your shoulder at them.

"I forgot you were in this room. Sorry you have to deal with them."

You try to keep yourself from exploding from all the overwhelming stress.

"Respectfully, you cannot invite me out, introduce me to some fucking freak, admit you were trying to get me to work for said freak, and then fuck me, and then be a fucking weirdo about it!"

So much for not exploding.

"Wait, you two fucked?"

"Shadowheart, read the room!"

Lae'zel hisses.

"Yeah Shadowheart."

Astarion swipes a hand through his hair, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

"You were the one that started dragging us outside..."

He nonchalantly looks at his acrylics.

"Yes! Because yeah you're hot, and it was a weird stressful situation, and I haven't gotten any in a while, okay!"

He sort of just, stares at you wide-eyed.

"And then you thought 'oh, I'll just act like I'm completely uninterested afterwards, because that's normal people behavior,' like what's up with that? Didn't even want to at least say 'you know Tav, that was pretty good sex.' I mean I'm sure you've had better, I'm a little rusty, but damn! So yeah, maybe it was hot, but it kind of pisses me off when I feel used."

Astarion is entirely silent. The two women behind you are now no longer fighting, but instead staring at you while you rant at him.

"Oh, and another thing! I know you think you have all this pretty boy privilege, but you think you can just bribe a cop with sexual favors? Because what the fuck was that? But nooooo, you'll never get in trouble for anything because you're the city's favorite femboy. I can't even go an entire hour without having some article come across my feed with you and your six 'brothers and sisters,' which is also fucking weird by the way. So yeah, forgive me if I'm mad at you and all your arrogance."

You weren't looking at anything in particular while you were yelling these things, not really thinking about how you were airing his business out in front of your roommates. When you look at his face again he's... tearing up?

"I... I have to go."

And he's down the hall before you can say anything, wiping at his tears with the sleeves of his sweater.

"Holy shit."

Shadowheart laughs. You're in shock, unsure of why you just said all that. You were kind of mad at him, but you didn't think you'd make him cry or anything.

"Looks like someone finally told him like it is."

You turn around to two girls smiling, finally agreeing on something for once.

"I- is he gonna be okay?"

"Oh, he'll be fine. Probably just a bruised ego. He'll pay to have it fixed like everything else."

Lae'zel laughs at Shadowheart's comment.

"I'm happy we agree on one thing. That man, is a bitch."

You feel... guilty. Something still isn't right. Memories of the night before come into frame, Szarr's hand on his shoulder, Aurelia's comment about 'private business.' No, something is entirely wrong here. But then again, you know these types of things can be far too complex for someone of your level of fame, which is none. So, you simply listen to Shadow and Lae's quips, and the three of you bond in the common room for the morning.

~~~

His phone rings in his pocket when he gets back to his room, out of breath from the sudden emotion he wasn't expecting to feel. How had you seen through him so easily? How had he been so sloppy? Astarion takes the phone out of his pocket.

Cazador

The contact calling him made his skin crawl. He sniffled, trying to clear his nose, and picked up the phone.

"Mhm."

Yes, of course.

Yes, I'll be there.

No.

Why would I lie- yes. No. Yes, I already did.

Alright."

His hands tremble as Cazador hangs up. His memories float to the scathing read you just gave him, and then back to the night before. Without much thought, he tosses his phone, and it lands in the sink of his kitchenette, hitting each side of the aluminum from the strength of his throw. The need to scream, the need to get out, the need to run. And yet he's silent, still, and stagnant. Instead, he lies against an empty wall, making his way to the floor, crumbling into the pain. The never-ending pain.

[yoon-topias]

Yoontopia Chapter 8.5 { Unpacking Desires }

⟡ Warnings: Smut, angst, Sexual tension, dirty talk, praise, making out, overstimulation, grinding (orgasm in clothing), teasing, Dom!Yoongi, Sub!OC, pet names, use of the name 'daddy', slight Exhibitionism (In front of window with curtains open and cracked open), Strong language, depression, mental health issues, references to self harm, risky behavior, spanking, biting.

⟡ 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters have mature content)

⟡ Best friend's older brother x OC

⟡ Summary: After packing up to move Both Violet and Yoongi need a shower but what happens when she asks him to wash her hair again after so long. They both see parts of each other they haven't seen.

⟡ 8.4k words

Yoongi Pov: 

We spent the rest of the morning to midafternoon not only bickering about what is to go and what is to stay, but joking around like the old days. With her only in those tiny shorts and sport bra just made me wanna do unspeakable things that push more boundaries than imaginable. She's currently in the shower not a bath for once and here I'm waiting in her room like a puppy begging for their owner to come out. I can hear her music lightly playing and her voice lightly singing along with the water making it feel even more serene. It's not a fast paced song like she normally has on her playlist. What's this playlist cause' I need it. The way her voice sounds is taking me to my utopia. Won't hurt to unlock it for a second right? She's in my utopia, our utopia I like to think. when we're in my bed the silk sheets draping over us under those fucking stars, her own constellations shining back at me.  

She's on top of me her knees on either side of me caging me, in nothing but my t-shirt and those purple fucking panties all those years ago. They still have a chokehold over me. My hands placed on her upper thighs, my thumb in the crease of her hip and thigh. Fuck. 

My head hits the wall behind me as I wait for her to beckon me inside that bathroom. I know it's coming, she knows it's coming but when? I have no clue.

Her body makes me weak as I move my hands closer to her most intimate spots. She lets out a breathy moan as I kiss on her neck. My hand finds it way closer to my sweats. I want to feel something. No, her. 

Lightly rubbing my thumb up and down over my sweats, my semi hard cock aching for some relief I can't give it, not yet at least. Fuck. I need to chain it up forever. Haven't I learned yet? My utopia is brings out things in me, and right now I can't be having a fucking semi hard on waiting for Vi to call me into that bathroom. Just a little more won't do no harm. Right? 

She pulls my hand away from her thigh and moves it up onto her chest. Her breasts not only feels like the softest skin I've ever touched, she is the silk sheets I've slept with all these years. I lean in and start at her collarbone kissing down slowly. Every motion is calculated, as I distract her mind as I move my other hand to her panties tug them to the side. She moans my name as I do "Yoongi." it's so breathy which only feeds my inner demons. My mouth released admiring my work the purple mark I left on my purple girl. "What have I said baby? It's not Yoongi, It's Sir to you." giving her chin a tap "Come on say it, baby." encouraging her as my thumb slowly starts rubbing circles taking her to another world in our own place we have built. She's soaking and it's all for me. "Say it pretty, or I'll stop. You don't want that do you?" rubbing a little faster we haven't taken our eyes from each other. She arches a little in my lap. My other hand lets go of her breast and lands right on her ass to keep in place she ain't goin' nowhere she's mine. Rubbing faster, I feel her get so soaked that my hand is covered. I stop she wines. "I told you."  and she opens her mouth to say it "S-"

"Yoongi! You can come in." Fuck. 

I went too far in my utopia. She takes me to those places and in the worst of times. No, I walk right into it myself. She is just there waiting for me. Looking down at myself, my hand is on my semi hard little wet patch on my pants. Am I embarrassed? Hell no, why would I? I'm a man and have my own fantasies I need fulfilled, was not the best moment but with her there is no wrong moment when I let myself indulge. "Are you sure Vi?" I hear her turn off the music and yell overtop the water. "Yes! Please, it's been forever since you washed my hair." 

Normally she's in the bath covered in those heavenly vanilla bubbles that make her smell like the Vi I know, her vanilla mixing with my musky warm vanilla. But a shower? there will be nothing covering her. My eyes will get to look at how the suds will run down her back into the drain covering her body. Soapy. Slippery.  Soft. 

The letter 'S' will be the end of me before I even make it to the letter 'V'. Maybe I need to learn the alphabet backwards cause’ she has already ended me without trying. 

"Okay, I'm coming!" trying to think of something that will make me not have a hard on mhm. Hans saying "dick too good." Yep disgusting, last thing I want in my mind. Jin and Hobi on the couch ass naked, where I sit. Good another to make me less hard. "Are you coming?" she is yelling for me, looking down at myself as good as it's gonna get.

Stepping forward the weight of my legs feels like two tons attached to my body dragging me to my death. She is behind that door with the lights off, just a few candles lit, a clear shower wall, in nothing but a swimsuit. She begged after all the hard work of packing to wash her hair to "feel comfort" and if she makes the joke like she used to about calling me daddy, it's over for me. 

It's been years since I've snuck into this same bathroom to wash her hair, with my sister in another room. This time there is no sneaking, her bedroom door is wide open to an empty apartment. With her yelling for me behind a very thin door that can be heard from every corner of the apartment.  My hand, reaching for the door knob turning it lightly hearing the click of the latch releasing,  already eating me alive. "Vi turn like when you're in the bath, facing away so I don't get sprayed with water as much as possible." As I step it the lighting from the two candles all I can see is her back the way it curves since when did she wear a two piece swimsuit? Fuck. 

This damn bathroom with the candles and her stars on the ceiling is truly a work of art, she is the priceless art in a museum all for me. The steam from the shower is already suffocating me, one more step, Yoongi one more.  Once I step in I shut the door behind me and all I can see is her back, ass, god those thighs. Running my tongue ring against my teeth. Her head is leaning into the water, reaching her hand up to run through her hair, all I can do is road map her body adding little stars in my mind I want to explore, she is one big star in my mind at this point. 

Her hair running over her shoulder, water flowing down, her tiny bow in the middle of her back, right above her ribs, a little birthmark placed across the top of her left side, I've never seen. As she turns a little into the water I feel like I'm a damn voyeur, it feels so wrong but so good to see her like this. So much for my tricks to get my semi hard gone. "Yoon how about you just get in?" 

"Huh?" Did I hear that right she is inviting me into her shower? The tub was always pushing limits, the shower? Yeah it's running them over with a truck. Border patrol where are you when I need you. "You heard me just get in your boxers or grab basketball shorts. Instead of trying to not get soaked." 

I wanna make you soaked more than that little shower can do. No, reel yourself the fuck in Min Yoongi. 

My two options are get in my boxers with a semi hard, tell her not to turn in my direction at all the sweats are barely hiding with my hand in my pocket pulling the fabric away from my dick, let alone the fucking wet spot I gave myself is still drying. The second option is tell her no and hide behind her like every other time I washed her hair and get the fuck out as quickly as I can and relieve myself in the other bathroom. 

My mind is screaming number one. I'd be the closest I've ever been to her seeing her body up close. The lighting isn't in my favor to see her fully from this far. Option one it is. 

Lowering my voice to my raspy voice I know that gets every girl, will it affect her the same way? "Okay, but and I mean it, Violet Rose do not turn around at any point once I undress. Got it?"  She automatically straightened her posture under the water flowing over her. "Yes, Yoongi." 

"Good girl." Am I really gonna do this? I can't believe myself right now. She is mine at this moment, I'm hers. Always will be. I look down at my sweats. What am I? A teenager boy that can't control his fucking dick with his first crush? I guess she makes me resort to a fucking teenager boy who can't even control his body, I feel like I could bust and I'm not even doing anything, not even fully hard trying to suppress it as much as I can. Fuck it. 

Pulling my socks off one by one, throwing them on the floor on top of her shirt she wore to cover herself before getting in. Hooking my thumbs on the waistband of my sweats dragging them down looking down at my black Calvin Klein boxers that hit little above mid thigh. I can see the damage I did in the past to my body only the deep scars that haunt me every time I look down. 

My shirt is the last thing I would rather not remove, the deepest, most painful scar on my body. If she sees it I wouldn't know how to explain it at not yet. Jin only saw it when I got too shitfaced and he had to shower me off. I need to figure out a way and fast if she asks. 

Gulping hard as I tug on the corner of my shirt pulling it off my body, looking in the mirror I see the body I hide from everyone behind the baggy shirts. My inner upper biceps have a few deep scars from when I ran out of space. She wouldn't think this is hot let alone sexy. I may have soft abs and muscle but that doesn't make up for what's edged into my skin. Clothes really do hide how often I find myself in the gym. My chains are around my neck never taking them off, one a thin chain, and the other a little thicker layered on top of each other. They really did pick the best set of chains for me. 

"Are you coming?" She adds an emphasis on the 'ing' one more look at myself. If she sees then she sees and there's no denying my body let alone my attraction towards the women in front of me. "Patience, you need to learn patience. Do I need to teach it to you princess?" She crosses her arms over her chest. I wish I had the front view so damn bad, but that would just expose me. 

Taking one more look at myself in the mirror under this dim lighting even if she does turn around for some reason the light barely makes it to the shower, and she shouldn't be looking down at my dick for any reason.  Looking over at her under the water it's a dream I must've gone crazy, yeah that's it I'm in my utopia. It has to be the only logical situation and even that is a stretch. 

Wait, I've never showered with anyone. She also was the first girl I ever slept in bed with, something so mundane yet it's so heavy on my chest. It's different with her, everything is. This shower has more meaning to me than her probably. Granted we're both in some sort of clothing, but still. She's the first girl I let in this bubble let alone be this close to me in such a way. A thousand butterflies erupt in the pit of my stomach, this all feels too intimate, it feels so right though. 

My legs start to move on their own, her shower has a glass wall that runs half to the end and stops, the way the steam is filling the top of this whole bathroom filling my lungs like a cig. It's thick, warm, everything matches the way the smoke fills my lungs. She is giving me the euphoric feeling of the first hit, over and over. I can't get enough. To hell with cigs she is all I need. No more running from her.

As I get to the shower wall my hand touches the glass for some sort of comfort, reining in another side of myself as I see under her ribs meeting her under boob a small tattoo I wouldn't have ever seen otherwise. It is a small writing I can't make out the words, there is a koi fish in a manner that by the looks of it missing the pair.  I need a closer look, she has a tattoo and it makes me want to see if there is anymore. 

"Comin' in, Rules Vi Kay?" She nods her head and turns her body into the water facing away from me, the water running down her chest. "Got it, Yoons." My foot hitting the wet floor it's scolding hot just like how she likes her bath. "Turn the damn water down Vi." 

"Oh I forgot I'm sorry!" I see her lift her arm up and turn it to a less of a damn boiling pot of water no wonder it's so fucking steamy in here.  Stepping in closer to her there is an aroma of the vanilla body wash. It's filling my senses, she is filling my senses, everything is encompassed with her right now. 

The way her body is just lit enough to see her where I was standing before is a dark hole looking into her aura she has around her. Her hand is over her shoulder to the front of her body giving me a full look at her backside.  The tiny little bow I wish to just pull with my fingers let it loose, spin her around and see what I have been yearning for. My respect for her is way more than just what I crave. 

One step. Two steps. 

Meeting her back, my hand finding its way to run my finger down her back "You're stunning, Violet." Her shoulder blade moves after I run my fingers down her placing it on her hip.  

"You're just sayin' it Yoon." This voice is so small, weak I hit her soft spot. That's the girl I know all too well. That was too shy to say excuse me to anyone in her way. She may come off like a firecracker to everyone she knows, but to strangers she is different. "I'm not a stranger, Vi. I'm your Yoongi, Yoon, your big fish. Don't be so shy with me." Giving her hip a squeeze it's different feeling her skin, it's silky. 

"Remember you have to accept all my compliments Miss. Pineapple." Calling her that to lighten it up even though on the inside I'm losing it right now. She doesn't need to know that though.  "Thank you Mr. Pineapple." She laughs a little after saying it.  That's my girl. 

Looking down, giving myself a full on boner throbbing in my boxers, they're wet now, the outline of my dick is so prominent that even under this lighting one wrong move and she is seeing it. Deep breath, Yoongi. Tapping on her hip doing my habit of grounding, but instead of tapping my fingers to my own I tap her hip, her soft body. 

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. 

Exhaling out, looking at her hip dips the way they dip at her thighs. I want to do so many things to her.  Her ass is so perfectly round, yet has little bit of cellulite on it. It's very minimal, but it's doing things to me. I never liked the normal standards they weren’t for me. Everyone is beautiful in their own way but this woman in front of me is my type, my ecstasy.  

Violet Pov:

I can feel his hand on my hip, why did I do this to myself? It's just like with dress shopping. I can feel the tapping against my skin. It feels so good, I wanna lean into it. He can drown me for all I care, take me to hell with him.

He steps a little closer. I hear his feet hit the floor, the water splashing. What really shocks me is when his hand slides its way up, feeling like he is draining everything from within me. "Didn't know you had a tattoo." he lets out a breathy “mhm” after it. Finally letting the air out of my lungs I have been holding in since the moment the started those fucking taps on my hip.  "Y-yeah I got a few just hidden." 

He wraps both his hands around my stomach. This is the closest we have ever been in the amount of skin to skin touching. I can feel his warm chest, his cold chains, on my back.  Leaning into my shoulder that isn't getting hit directly with water. "A scavenger hunt, I like it.” he rasps. He gives me a squeeze. I feel my thighs clench in the way he talks to me. I may be wet from the shower, but other places are already soaked from him.  

Bringing his hand up to touch under my ribs where a few are. "Found two, what's my reward princess?" 

Biting on my lip, if only he could see I know he would pull my lip away from between my teeth capturing it with his own.  "Whatever you want Yoon." I know I cave every time someone puts a little bit of power on me, but with him I trust him to lead the way.  Once I hear the metal scrape along his teeth. Fuck, the sound does things to me. It's so simple, it's like damn asmr hitting all the right spots. 

"I wanna know the story, wanna see it up close." He squeezes a little, along with a tap from every finger the end of his middle finger is right at the side of my boob. I just want him to grab it, make me his. It's not my choice though. 

Push and pull that's what we do. Always have. 

"Okay." Lifting my arm up, closing my eyes I said I won't look at him so I won't.  "My eyes are closed promise, turning so you can see." As I start to turn, his hand falling off my side, steps back a little, hearing his feet hit the floor, losing his warmth. All I want is his warmth running through my veins, his hands on my body.

My arm is straight up and down so he can see the full tattoo, I feel his hand wrap around my forearm pulling it down and he places it on his shoulder. I feel his skin, his soft skin under the palm of my hand. It's not a fantasy anymore, it's a need. "Lean on me Vi, no need to hold your arm up." 

He leans down a little, feeling my arm slightly going down. "I live so I love." He reads it out loud, finger tracing it sending shocks down my body.  

"Y-yeah I choose to live so I can love." 

"That's beautiful, Vi" the pad of his tub rubs side to side on my tattoo. "Why the koi?" 

My koi fish is a white koi with black spots on it with the one on his head being a heart.  Thinking of why I fell in love with the small sketch I saw Jk drawing asking why koi and he explained the meaning behind them. It's friendship more than just banana milk, funny enough.  He tattooed it on me, learned from his tattoo artist, and wishes his dad would accept it as a job. He knows he never would, so he pushes it down and just says 'Don't know what I wanna do yet.' I hope he gets the courage one day to stand up to him and show him his work.  Not even a week later I was in a chair and Jk etching the koi into my skin forever.  

"Cause the Koi represents love. Affection. It's the only reason why I'm still on this earth, Yoon. So if I choose to live then I can love, the only thing that makes me feel alive.  As for the Koi there is a matching one on the original sketch. It's a black one with a white heart instead. I choose the lighter one since I need a little bitterness in my life to balance me out. They hold my black koi fi-" 

As I'm about to finish my sentence he grabs my arm and spins me around to face him. I know if I open my eyes I'm going to be looking at him. I'm a coward, I can't. The water rushing down my back, I didn't even notice my back being cold with him behind me. He taps on my chin "Open your eyes, Violet." he says with the softest voice.  Shaking my head no, I can't if I look at him like this I might lose it. Once I open my eyes, if he disappears like he does when I open my eyes from my own escape, my dreams. "No, cause if I open them you'll disappear. Like you always do." 

I hear his foot hit the floor with a splash stepping closer. "Since when do I disappear? Mhm tell me, baby." He moves his hand to my cheek rubbing up and down. "In my dreams." Taking his hand away from my face taking a deep breath, so warm on me. We're so close I didn't even realize. 

"Hold your pinky up." He says it in such a deep rasp, it makes me melt. The butterflies erupt over and over since I heard his first foot step into the shower.  Shakily holding up my pinky I feel his lock with mine. Hearing his lips press against his thumb placing a kiss on his thumb. "I'm gonna count to three and when you open, I'm gonna be here. We're gonna seal the promise. Gotta kiss it, remember?"  

Nodding my head, I can't say anything. Words, what are they? Never heard of them.  

One. Two. Three. 

As I open my eyes he is staring at me with the most intense, deep, breathtaking, lustful eyes I've ever seen. I can't even take into account this is the first time I have ever seen him shirtless. "Gotta kiss it, Vi." Leaning into it to kiss my thumb, as I seal it with a kiss I can't seem to take my eyes off him.  

The way his chest is sculpted, his pecks jut out a little bit, his chest bone caving in a little bit. His collar bones are so prominent, the two chains resting on his chest layered. My necklace is on him, in my shower in front of me.  He leans his thumb in I see it from my peripheral vision shaking my head and blinking. "Sorry." pressing our thumbs together. 

"Pinky" 

"Swear" 

"See, was that so hard princess?" Nodding my head at him, unable to take my eyes off of him.  I see scars on his arms. Wait, he has done it too just like me? Maybe we're both just scared people trying to find our healer, to take it all away. "Y-you." Pointing at one of his scars on his bicep. "Mhm I've been there. I know your pain princess."

"You let me look." My voice comes off as a whisper. "I knew there was no holding back as soon as you asked me to get in with you."  He gives me a true smile. One that I know is reserved only for me. I can't help but think "He's so handsome." Oh fuck did I say that out loud? No. No. No. 

"Oh yeah? You think I'm handsome? Miss pink cheeks." Reaching to poke at my cheeks and I pull his hand down before he can lock it with mine. "No it's just from the hot shower, but you are handsome Yoon. So fucking handsome." The last three words come out as a whisper. 

He takes a step as he does I step back. "Thought we said no more runnin'." He takes another step his knee is between my legs so close, so fucking close. 

Leaning in closer next to my ear he whispers "Don't worry I'll always catch you." Giving my hand a tight squeeze. The way he said it makes me clench not only my thighs but feels like my whole body. "So reactive." The metal scraping against his teeth, sending chills through my body in this hot shower.  He lets go of my hand placing his hand on my hip turning me to lean on the glass wall, the water is running in between us. 

The first time he's been actually under the water his blonde hair drips into his face, pushing it back tilting his head into the water. The way his neck is adorned with the chain I bought him, his adam's apple is so defined when he moves his neck in this direction.  As he leans back, his eyes roll back in his head, chest rising taking a deep breath, exhaling it out "Fuck, Vi." 

"What Yoon?" Taking another breath, running his hand through his hair one more time. As he lifts his head back down his eyes slowly open locking with mine, they're so intense. He looks down for the first time at my front view, trying to hide my stomach and body with my hands, he pulls them away. "No, let me see Vi. You're gorgeous."  

He licks his lips slowly as he sinks in my body, consuming me.  "And I thought I was an ass man, you might just convert me." He reaches above him, turning the water head away from us, stepping closer, caging me in his arms. Looking into my eyes with the most serious face I've seen, but there is something more to his look. Lust? His eyes have never looked like this to like he wants to consume every inch of my body.  "I need a fix Violet."

"There's no pineapple here." I let out a breathy laugh. 

"You are my pineapple." His voice comes out confident, deep.   

Not wasting any time he leans in, pressing his lips to mine, letting out a low groan deep in his throat. I feel chills all over my body from no longer having the water running over us, but he is filling me with his warmth. His body is like a heater warning me from within myself.  

Our lips are moving in sync, but I feel like I can barely keep up with him. The slight roughness to his lips makes me want to kiss him forever to make his lips so soft that he won't ever need chapstick again. I'll be his chapstick. His hands, finding their way to my hip and upper rib cage giving me a squeeze that's so tight he takes the little air left that's in my lungs. I let out a moan that sounds more of a whimper. 

"Fuck I think I just found a new fetish Vi. Your moans from my touch." Digging his fingertips into my skin, making me lean my head back letting out a small moan, for him. "Yoon." 

"Yes, baby?" 

My head is spinning, my body is throbbing with senses I haven't felt in forever. Meeting his eyes they are hooded filled with hunger. "You've never heard my moans so how would you know the difference between your touch and another." He leans in, pressing his knee making my thighs part he settles into my personal bubble that's all his for the taking. He leans into my ear whispering "Who says I haven't heard you when you're in your bed pleasing yourself baby, bet you have a toy don't you. You're not as quiet as you think." He bites down on my neck, I'm pulsing through my entire body but specifically in one area. "I bet it's pink."  Pressing his knee into my pussy harshly rubbing, this time I didn't even have to do anything he was doing it. 

Taking the air out of my lungs letting the moan rip through my airway. "Yoongi." 

"Oh someone likes my knee, why don't you make yourself cum pretty. I know you want to." I can feel my rib cage moving like a jackhammer up and down, every bone in my body is craving for a release. I have been too focused on me and when everything starts to sink in. He is in my shower only in boxers between my legs telling me to cum for him. No this is a dream, it's one of my fantasies. Yeah that's it.  

Feeling a tap under my chin, not even realizing I have been staring into his chest letting my mind consume me with him.  "You good Vi?"

Nodding my head, lifting my hand, gesturing my index finger back and forth "This is a dream." 

"Oh yeah?" He grabs my hand, pulls it down and I feel his- no I can't be. "Is this in your dreams baby?" His boxers are tight, so fucking tight. I can feel how big he is, how thick he is. He's definitely the biggest I have touched yet I haven't even seen it.

Biting on my bottom lip looking down at his slim waist, the outline of his abs prominent. Since when did he have abs? The thick waistband of his boxers engraved with 'Calvin Klein'. My hand is small compared to his bulge, there is an outline of his head coming from on top of my hand. Everything in me wants to feel him for all that he's worth, make him feel like he has ascended to heaven. I'm not confident enough in my body let alone my actions. "You're the leading role in my dreams Yoon." Looking up at him, giving me a small squeeze, rubbing my thumb up and down. I feel a vein, he pulses a little from my touch. I can't believe I can make him feel like this the way he is reacting. 

"Violet if you don't stop, I won't be able to hold back." his voice comes out thick and husky. 

"But what if we make each other feel good, Yoon?"

He leans down, locking our lips. It's a quick, but lingering kiss. "You already make feel so fucking good Vi." His hand sliding down my wet body with his fingertips pulling at the top of my bottoms, going in for another kiss it's filled with neediness. "This won't do." He mumbles against my lips, one hand letting go of my body he turns off the water. "Vi when I count to three you're gonna jump."

"Hell no." My automatic response. He can't carry me there is no way in hell he can. I'm fat, it would just embarrass me. I would crawl into a hole and never come out for the rest of my life. He taps on my chin. "I didn't ask." he says sternly. 

Taking a step back he pulls me with him. My hands find their way now to my sides as he pulls me. It isn't long until I feel his hands on my upper thighs by my ass "Fuck." it comes out under his breath, it's raspy. It's my new favorite thing. He starts to count off. 

"One"

"No you-"

"Two" digging the pads of his fingers in my skin. 

"Can't"

"Jump" 

He doesn't even give me time and he is pulling up on my ass practically making me accept and jump.  My heart is racing a million miles a second. "Yoongi!" Turning to take us out of the shower, he is squeezing so hard on my thighs. How is he carrying me? "How about you get the door baby. My hands are a little full."  He kicks the door with his foot. Unwrapping one of my hands leaning down as soon as I unlatch the door his foot is kicking it open hearing loud thud it hitting the wall. "You hurt my wall, you're payin." 

"I'll do more than hurt your wall baby, looks like I'm buying the place." 

Where did this Yoongi come from? It's thrilling. Exciting. I want to see more. He sits us on the small couch in my room, the curtains are drawn, the window cracked, and I'm on top of my childhood crush.  My thighs are on either side of him looking down. I see how I encompass him. "I-I should get off." 

"You're not going anywhere until you cum, wanna make you feel good." He has his hands on my upper thighs and in one of my most insecure places is the place where my thighs meet my hips. 

"But-"

"But what?"

"The w-window."I stutter out. 

"Good they'll get to see how fucking good I make you feel." 

He's dirty, so dirty. I never expected this from him. He never showed any side like this to me, but I guess I would have never experienced anything close to this as friends. He pulls on me, making me move back and forth, I can feel myself pulse wanting more. 

It's not my hand anymore, but my most private area on his length. He's getting hard with each stroke. So he wasn't even fully hard yet? I'm done for.  His underwear and my suit bottom rubbing back and forth together a jolt of pleasure making me moan. I need to feel something. "Yoongi, kiss me." He doesn't waste a second letting one of his hands pull on my lower back making me fall into his chest locking our lips. 

His hands making their way to my ass. "Fuck this ass." He says into my mouth pulling me in for more by biting on my bottom lip. He sets the pace with his hands, moaning into his mouth. I’m unable to keep kissing him, it's all too much. The ache in my clit wanting more. More. I feel so needy, like somebody who hasn't came in months. Yet I get myself off daily. "That's it Vi. Use me get yourself off baby." His voice is like no other I want to record for my ‘me time’. 

Yoongi is a man of silent actions. I know this, everyone does if they pay attention long enough. But right now this isn't silent, his raspy, deep voice is consuming me. "You're doing so good, baby. I bet your little pussy wants to be filled." He really is after me isn't he? 

"Yoongi," moaning out his name into his neck. 

"Tell them how good I'm making you feel." He slaps my ass, it makes me jolt forward, I can even feel the point of where his head starts and ends to his length. Fuck what is with these underwear. Unable to hold anything in, I'm constantly moaning into his neck,  gripping onto him for dear life.  

It all happens so fast, the build up in my stomach, pulsing around nothing adding more to my aching clit wanting release.  The feeling of him is taking me to my own heaven like in my dreams. I'm so consumed by him that I don't even realize I'm cumming until I start to shake on him, warmth filling my face, saying his name over and over. 

He is still pushing back and forth, adding more overstimulation adding to the  mess than I already am.  "Yoon." it comes out as a whimper, a cry for more. For him. He groans, after one more grind he cums with the most earth shattering deep, raspy moan. "Violet." squeezing my ass as I'm sprawled out over him. His head is leaned back on the top of the couch, eyes closed, leaning up off his chest I tap on his chin making him look up at me. "Mhm" his lips part and the metal scrapes across his teeth. 

Leaning down and locking our lips, as I do he just groans into the kiss squeezing my ass. We move in sync, both breathless but can't stop. When we finally do pull away sliding my thighs to rest more on his knees I look down and see the wet boxers filled with his cum, he isn't embarrassed or anything, just smirks and looks at me "Didn't think I'd cum in my pants ever again." 

Looking at him confused. "Again?"

"I was a teen boy once. Secrets baby, now let's go wash that hair of yours" he taps on my knees. "Go heat it up, I'll be in there in a sec." Nodding my head in and pecking his lips one more time before getting up my legs feels like jelly, wobbly as I make my way to the bathroom.

Yoongi Pov: 

Slinging my head back against the top of the couch once I hear the water cut on. When was the last time I enjoyed any sexual interaction with a woman, a long fucking time. Yeah I may get off but not like this. I came in my damn underwear like I did when I was a horny teen boy the moment they see any part of a woman. Call me pathetic but she felt so fucking good. I didn't even get the pleasure of seeing her whole body with my own eyes, but every millisecond I was mapping her body. She is the map of my whole fucking world.  

"Fucking shit." The way her eyes rolled back when she let go, biting her bottom lip chanting my name over and over like it was the only word she knew. My semi hard could become hard as rock thinking about it again. I'm not a one round typa guy maybe- No Yoongi rein yourself in, aftercare she is the top priority. "You in the shower baby?" Yelling to her. 

"Mhm yes!" her voice coming out feathery. I need to get outta these boxers if I'm gonna be in the shower with her again. Standing up feels like a chore. My legs are tense, my left ass cheeks twitching from the high. Walking over to her dresser the bottom drawer is mine, grabbing a new pair of black underwear, throwing it on the bed. Knocking three times on the door that's wide open, can't let habit break now can we? "You don't gotta knock Yoon." She lets out a little laugh that sounds like an angel, my own hell's angel. 

"I'ma get new underwear, you need new bottoms so you can clean up?" 

"Top drawer can you grab a pair of panties since every other suit is a one piece." I can practically hear the smile on her face. The top drawer? The drawer I'm not allowed in. I'll gladly take a peek. "Top drawer? Huh?" a smirk takes place on my lips. 

"No looking to the right!" 

"Okay, Okay  Vi. I'll be back." I let out a deep laugh, walking out staring at the handle I have never gotten to pull open, the one that's been taunting me. As I slowly pull it open I see so many colorful underwear. 

Fucking purple. 

Guess this is one of the only colorful pieces of clothing she wears, and I'm more than okay with it. My brain will be now filled with what color she is wearing that day. Picking out a dark purple pair, just one peek. Pulling back a few pairs of  the bright colored underwear I see her little friend. 

It's pink I fucking knew it. 

I smirk thinking about it dipping into her pretty pink pussy that I haven't even seen, the way her head would fall back as she cums, her pillow catching her now will be me catching her. Putting her panties back over her there must be more cause there is space cleared out, she didn't pack this one. Guess she can't hold back from her own mind for less than forty eight hours. Huh. That's fucking hot, was she gonna do when I'm away from her? Sneak into the shower. My mind is running laps thinking about her self indulging. 

Walking into the bathroom covering my eyes "Here baby I'm setting them here take those off and clean down there first before putting them on. You better not clean any other part that's my job." from what I can guess, she nods letting out a little hum, I grab a washcloth from under the sink, turn on the sink wetting it a little, stepping out of the bathroom shutting the door to give her privacy.  

Ridding myself of my own self, throwing my cum filled underwear in the laundry basket, wiping myself down with the cloth, and putting on new underwear.  I take out clothes for both of us after the shower, she is getting my big black t-shirt and some light blue panties. What about pants? Nope I have seen it now I'll witness it whenever I want.  As for me I take out a black sweat shirt and some back joggers, and another pair of underwear. Setting both on that sinful couch.

Walking to the door knocking three times "Can I come in?" 

"Yeah!" she radiates happiness in her voice. 

As I walk in it's still so steamy it fills my lungs, warm and thick air. The weight of what I just did hits me like a ton of bricks. Did I go too far? Did I make her feel like she had to? My steps are heavy walking to the shower rounding the glass wall, my feet making a splash.  She turns around and faces me now In those dark purple panties, stepping forward closer to her resting my hands on her hips needing some kind of touch to comfort me. Tapping my fingers one by one on her skin. "Did I go too far? Did I push you? Make you feel like you had to?" 

"Woah woah Yoon." She places her hand on my cheek. 

"You didn't do anything of the sort. I wanted it, god I wanted it so bad. I have dreamed of you for so long." her voice comes off softly reassuring me 

"Promise?" my bottom lip juts out a little as I pull my skin from my lip. This time I'm the one asking for some sort of promise, for relief to know I didn't make her feel any kind of way besides pleasure.  She removes her hand holding out her pinky, nodding her head at it. I only remove one hand I need to feel her to keep me grounded. Latching my pinky with hers she places a kiss first on her thumb and as I lean in closing my eyes to kiss mine as soon as my lips hit my thumbs her lips hit my forehead. 

Looking up at her, she smiles pressing our thumbs together sealing our promise. 

"Pinky"

"Swear" 

"God you're perfect Violet." She shakes her head no, squeezing her hip with all my grip she lets out a moan. "Say it. Say you're perfect. The deal, Violet."

"I-I'm perfect." she stutters out. Pulling her closer to me away from the shower running over her, leaning down pecking her lips. "Good girl, such a good girl." Whispering over her lips. Locking our lips one more time biting on her lip she lets out a moan. I don't think I can get enough. She will consume me if she stays. I know it, she already has. 

"Now let's wash that hair of yours Miss." 

She turns around in my arms, looking down I see her ass, I see my hand prints on her cheeks. Cheeky panties, good pick Yoongi. I smirk. I want my hand printed embedded all over her ass forever. Once they fade they need to be placed right back. She is mine. I'm possessive.

I reach and get a pump of her shampoo "lean your head back baby." my voice comes off softly to her. She leans her head back and I start to massage her head, releasing any pressure that might be occupying her. She lets out a satisfying hum. "You're hands are magic" 

"You haven't even seen what all they can do baby" Letting it out a deep, raspy voice.  She'll need to get used to it. Yoongi and Sir are two different people. "I think I'll die."

"But aren't we already in hell together?" I run my tongue ring across my teeth. 

"Mhm you're right." 

Looking around if I'm gonna have to turn her around to wash this, looking to the right she still keeps a fucking cup. "You still keep a cup." I say shocked, but also amused she would still keep it after it being so long. 

"Never know when you are gonna pop in again daddy." she laughs. She did not just pull that card right now. I can't take it my dick is hardening, by just the first letter of that word.  I reach down and get the cup, filling it with water letting it run down her hair. I'm not gonna give her a reaction, not yet at least. Conditioning her hair, lathering it up making it all nice and silky. 

"All done, turn around baby." She slowly turns our eyes meeting as she opens them. "Thank you Yoon." Pulling her into my chest reaching down grabbing a pump of the body wash mhm vanilla, her vanilla. I start to rub the body wash all over her back, rubbing my thumbs into any knots I find, sliding my hands down to her ass, leaning into her ear. "I thought I was daddy. Sweets." Smacking her ass hard. Leaving my mark. 

"Mhm Daddy." her voice sounds like honey so sweet and sticky, sticky to all parts of me surrounding me. "That's it baby." Daddy kink girls are for me. She is for me and I'll be her daddy, her Sir, anything she wants from me. "Give Daddy his fix." letting out a low groan afterwards tapping on her chin. "Please?" Oh my god she will be the end of me, sliding my tongue ring across my teeth I never submit let alone say please, but her. She is changing me. 

Gripping her ass pulling her up "Please for daddy." 

She doesn't waste a second and locks our lips, moving in sync together. She is the needy one this time I'm trying to keep up with her. Her tongue asks for access to my mouth, I allow it. I feel her tongue run across my tongue ring right after she lets out a small whimper into my mouth. Today is something I would have never imagined let alone even where we are today this past few weeks. To know I'm gonna be away from her for months I have now idea how I'm gonna make it.

Savoring the way her lips feel on mine, her body leaning into me, pulling away she lets out an angry whine. Fuck. 

"Oh is someone angy?" She nods her head. 

"Well that won't do." Going for her neck, attaching my lips, sucking, biting. Leaving my mark on her, she moans my name out.  I think I just found my ultimate kink her moaning my name under my touch, the way she reacts to me. I haven’t ever done any sexual act for someone I like let alone love. Call me a fuck boy I'll admit to it gladly, but with her it's different. She's the girl that fills my mind, made my utopia homey, got me through the darkest times of my life without even knowing.  She is and will be the only girl that will do this for me. 

Even if this does not work out she holds that spot, always will but I'll go to hell and back before I let this go. Letting her go I look at the work of art I made on her. I smirk Admiring the purple and blue mark on her neck with my teeth mark indented into her perfect skin. "You're mine now."

"If you're mine also." We are both just two people wanting someone to call theirs. "I have always been yours, Violet from the day I was born. I waited for you, to meet you even if you weren't even on this earth yet our souls are connected."  Pressing a kiss on her forehead.  "It was empty until I met you." 

Like a red string attached to us pulling us to meet and when we finally met the world lit up with fireworks, colliding our worlds. "Now let's go enjoy our night. Go on love, your clothes are on the bed waiting." I tap on her ass letting her go. "Okay I'll yell when I'm changed." 

"You better." She laughs, stepping around me grabbing a towel off the rack, wrapping it around her body, opening the door, walking out, shutting it so I can clean myself up fully. 

What the fuck just happened, I can't wrap my brain around it. The water now cold running over my body as I wash my body. I don't wanna rid myself of her. I want her on me forever, scared once she is gone I'll never have her on me again. I can't get wrapped up in my intrusive thoughts. It will happen again, it has to. Right?

Thank you for reading. ₊˚⊹♡

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All rights belong to @/Yoon-Topias. Do not copy/ translate.

[stellasfictionalworld]

part 3.

part 4

a/n: this picture of maddie phillips has me in a chokehold btw. just setting the mood of how things are gonna in the future... also hello andre's jacket??

reader x andre anderson 

cw: (i mean you’ve watched the show so) blood, hints of self harm, hurt comfort

word count: 1,243

You came back to your dorm with damp hair and your outfit of the day. You’d just put on sweats and grunt when Ashley said something. You fell onto your bed and she was looming over you. 

“You look like shit,” she giggled. 

“M’ tired,” you grumbled and pulled the sheet over your face. It was dragged away from you, making you groan dramatically. Your body felt like it had been hit by a truck. Not even remembering a single second after falling on your ass with Jordan. 

“Don’t you wanna know who brought you home?” she smirked. That got your attention, your eyes flicked to the jacket you’d hung up. It was not much bigger on you, not too much by length but by width. It smelled of weed and there was a hint of some earthy, no maybe more woody, cologne, you wondered if it was Andre’s. 

“Fine,” you sat up, pillow to chest as if that would help your massive hangover. 

“Andre fucking Anderson,” she sat on the edge of your bed. “He was shit-faced, holy fuck you should have seen it. Well, you did, just don’t remember probably,” she nudged your shoulder. 

Your ears and face went hot, remembering his hand on your hip last night. That was embarrassing to get so… excited about. You sighed, dragging a hand over your face.

“He was alone, made sure I was even your roommate. I’m pretty sure he bumped into a wall on the way out too,” she was trying to hold in her laughter. You snorted, imagining Andre so shit-faced, but managing to bring you back to your room. Your heart swelled, and you picked up your phone.

Your lips pressed into a thin line, seeing missed phone calls from your mom. You huffed, finding new messages, from new numbers. Luke, Cate, and even Jordan had exchanged numbers with you (or just took it). You felt Ashley hovering and looked up at her. 

“Now let’s talk about you and Jen,” you grinned widely.

Ashley’s face got red, she opened her mouth to say something. Then her phone buzzed, and she immediately picked it up. You looked over her shoulder, and you rolled your eyes.

“Jesus Ashley,” you flopped back onto the bed. 

“What?” she snapped her head to you, her shoulders raised. 

You glared at her, you two had this conversation every time this happened. Ashley hung out with fucking the fakest bitches to exist. Seriously, these girls lived like they were the shit. Everything was handed down to them, and not an ounce of empathy for those not as fortunate as them. Ashley became friends with them recently, considering she had the same classes with them. 

“Be careful,” you said.

She shrugged and looked back at her phone again. The worst part about this? It was changing your friend, for the worse. 

…

Your knuckle collided with the leather and you took a step back. Your face was hot, blood pumping throughout your body. Your movement didn’t stop until your fist was washed over with grains. Heaving you pulled yourself away from the punching bag. Eyes fleeting to Cate who had stopped hitting her punching bag. Her brows scrunched up and her lips parted.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said this was therapeutic for you,” she laughed. Your tired face flipped, as you smiled brightly. Enjoying the fact Cate had got into the groove of punching bags. She seemed hesitant to join you at first on a random Wednesday. Ever since Saturday, you’d noticed the way she carried herself. Confidently but something always seemed to trouble her. 

“Are you bleeding?” she gasped and you looked at your fists. The bandages were soaked in red, but you didn’t feel a thing. 

“Yeah,” you said as Cate took off her boxing gloves. She immediately came to your side. One hand on your forearm while the other pulled the bandages. You watched with great intent, wondering if you'd need stitches again. The final layer peeled off your skin, revealing your lower layers of skin in red. 

“Holy shit, we’ve gotta get you to the nurse,” Cate gushed.

“Yeah,” you frowned. The blonde froze and her eyes went wide. Immediately she pulled her hand back like you’d burned her. 

“Sorry,” she said, and this time you were confused.

“For what?” you asked.

“For touching you, I,” Cate took a step back from you. You laughed softly and shook your head. Wrapping up your open wound.

“It’s okay Cate, usually people love to put their hands on me anyway,” you wiggled your eyebrows. It made her laugh, either out of shock or the fact you were funny. 

“Can you help me to nurse?” you asked. 

“Yeah, let’s go,” she said. 

Thankfully you didn’t need stitches, but the nurse made you fill out far too much paperwork. You were pretty sure it was payback for the times you’d come in here bloodied and bruised (far too many times). Your healing factor was kinda shit, it took a lot longer than most. When you turn off your pain receptors and put your all in every punch, you’ll eventually collapse. 

Anyhow, Cate had left halfway through when she saw you were okay. You finished writing down your last signature when the door whipped open. You and the nurse both looked over to see Andre slightly out of breath. He cleared his throat, eyes on you.

“Hey,” he said, “you okay? Cate sent me a text,” he had his phone in his hand. 

Your chest squeezed, and your heart was about to explode. “I’m okay,” you smiled. “Are you here for me?” you asked.

“I mean,” he put a hand to the back of his neck, looking around the empty room, “yeah,” he said. He shot you a smile (which you thought was so hot and cute at the same time) and you bit your lower lip. The nurse cleared her throat, tapping the paper you had yet to sign. You quickly signed the papers. You got your tote bag, swinging it over your shoulder before walking out of the room with Andre. 

“Where are you headed?” you asked. 

He hummed, eyes on your face, clearly Cate didn’t say what type of damage was done. Then he saw your knuckles wrapped in fresh gauze. He stopped abruptly, pulling your elbow to make you stop.  

“Hey, did you do this by yourself?” his voice was soft, as he picked up one of your hands. You let him examine it, liking the feeling of his fingertips around yours. It sent a buzz up your spine and made a cage of butterflies flutter. 

“Yeah, it’s no biggie though. It’ll be healed by tomorrow or the next,” you said.

“That slow?” he still held your hand, but his gaze was on you. 

You clicked your tongue and looked away. Your face was getting hot again.

“My healing factor is fucking slow,” you dragged out the last word. His thumb circled your palm as he thought. His lips were pressed into a thin line, and when you met his eyes. You knew he wanted to ask. The eye-rolling questions. Why would you do this? Doesn’t it hurt? Blah blah blah. 

“I’ll be okay,” you winked at him. You hooked your arm around his. “But could you walk me to my dorm? Since I’m so wounded, I might not make it,” you said dramatically. He laughed, it was like music to your ears. 

[smolstarthief]

So I finally watched Hazbin Hotel...

And good lord I got caught up aaaaaand...

I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!!

Just the setting, the characters and their designs, the SONGS!!! GAH!!! As someone who loved going to/watching Broadway shows/musicals with their dad, this was so much fun!

Husker is a definite fave since he's such a mood! That and I love Keith David (aka Dr. Facilier) so that's a bonus! Also I'm addicted to HuskerDust right now guys! "Loser, Baby" has me in chokehold ok??

Alastor is still neat and I love him but... God damn one moment I'm just laughing at his antics and wanting to smush his face but then the next moment I want to kick him in the shins! Also he and Lucifer should kiss already!!

And I guess somewhat of a hot take but this show and Helluva Boss tackles the dark topics such as different forms of abuse and trauma WAAAAAAY better than P5 ever did (cultural differences aside tho which is still fair on that end). They just... Felt so raw but it felt... Almost validating? Relatable even?

I love P5 to death and it does some subjects well but then it just... Flops a bit somehow along with humor that can be forced at best, tasteless at worst.

Idk I think my time in the fandoms had me realize just how… Very, VERY gatekeepy people are when it comes to depictions of abuse and trauma. It's like… It feels very infantilizing and even grossly uncomfortable with those kinds of people. Especially if said people just actually haven't experienced such things so they don't really have room to talk about what counts as a "good" representation of such topics. They should just say they don't actually care about victims at this point, especially when they put down actual victims when they try to defend such depictions. Like it's uncomfortable and it's valid to feel such but that's the point and some victims felt comfort and heard and that should be a good thing. But no, they don't fit people's ideal molds of victims so they're not valid as such (aka "perfect victims")… I understand people not feeling comfortable and it's valid, just try to be understanding of how others feel.

Sorry it's just such a bitter realization I reached and explains why I struggle with wanting to defend such things as a victim of psychological/emotional abuse.

But yeah, I can totally understand if you guys aren't interested for one reason or another and that's fine! Just don't be rude or mean about it.

[royilyoily]

speaking of bad shows, hazbin hotel, specifically the prime video shit. that is the most horrid, “please give us money” show i’ve ever seen. the animation is so stiff i barely realized she was moving and the camera angles were all over the place to the point i got a fucking headache and had to stop the video for a moment.

this is literally the most cash grabbing begging piece of shit clip i’ve seen in my life and it’s not even out yet y’all can do better, seriously. my dog noticed what i was watching and stopped cuddling with me tahts how bad this show was. it’s like prime video just grabbed you in a chokehold and said “YOU WILL LIKE THIS SHOW” and started pasting the worst animation i’ve seen in my life all over youtube and called it a day. words cannot explain how bad this clip was i cannot believe this is going to become a show i felt a tiny bit of throw up slither into my fucking mouth as i watched every character in this clip either not doing jack shit or doing something so unfunny i gagged. especially the stupid ass sexual part that was stupidly unfunny and unnecessary like adult humor isn’t just sex jokes all the fucking time and i get its hell and all but OH MY GOD GET A DIFFERENT JOKE OTHER THAN “sex lmao haha hell get it it’s in hell and they’re having sex” please shut your big ass corporate mouth hole up the amount of disgust i felt for this clip was absolutely CRAZY and i have watched the pilot and i felt exactly the same GET BETTER vizzieshit or whatever you name is the fuck idk I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A SHOW WITH SUCH A HUGE BUDGET SO BAD IN MY FUCKING LIFE. it’s like they try to be funny but end up falling on their faces and shitting themselves out of embarrassment and running off the stage going “teehee! teehee!” and fluttering their eyelashes in embarrassment and falling down the flight of stairs shitting themselves even MORE and squealing like a parrot getting its wings ripped off. squeaking like a rat getting tossed around like a ball in a game of dodgeball and it’s tail flinging off in the midst of it.

[starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies]

Jiara’s Playlist

listen here

New

messing with someone new, thinking i wanted to, turns out i don’t want new, i want you

Friends Don’t

friends don’t stand around playing with their keys, finding reasons not to leave, trying to hide their chemistry

Worst of You

so give me your worst excuses, any reason to stay, give me your lips that taste of her, i’ll kiss them again

that way

we say we’re friends, but i’m catching you across the room, it makes no sense cause we’re fighting over what we do

Montana

i just wanna run away to montana, living at a slower pace with you, there’s nothing else that i would need, if i had you in montana

If You Love Her

on days when it feels like the whole world might cave in, stand side by side and you’ll make it

Oceans

it feels like there’s oceans between me and you once again, we hide our emotions, under the surface and trying to pretend

Remember That Night?

remember that night, we went for a drive, 2:30 in the morning i kissed you, it was pouring

I Don’t Want to Be Friends

if i dont have everything i want nothing, cause i won’t watch you be with somebody else, and i don’t want to be friends

If We Have Each Other

the world’s not perfect but it’s not that bad, if we got each other and that’s all we have, i will be your lover and i’ll hold your hand

Is There Somewhere

i’m trying not to let it show, that i don’t want to let this go, is there somewhere you can meet me

Anyone Else

how am i supposed to think about anything else, how am i to go on keeping this to myself, i am done pretending i want anyone else

We’re Not Friends

friends are something that we were, before me sleeping in your shirt, but baby we’re past that now

Feels Like

funny cause i couldn’t have called it, met you at the right time, this is what it feels like

hate to be lame

hate to admit but it might be true, hate to admit but i think you knew, hate to be lame but i might love you

Sure Thing

even when the sky comes falling, even when the sun don’t shine, i got faith in you and i

j's lullaby (darlin' i'd wait for you)

i’d bottle that feeling you give me, and shelve that stuff for years to come, cause baby when your arms are around me, i’d swear that i’m holding the sun

I Wanna Be Yours

secrets i have held in my heart, are harder to hide than i thought, maybe i just wanna be yours, i wanna be yours

Friends

heart on your sleeve like you've never been loved, running in circles now look what you've done, give you my word as you take it and run, wish you'd let me stay, i'm ready now

The blue

i never could’ve seen you coming, i think you’re everything i’ve wanted, you came out of the blue like that

Sidelines

i see you loving on the sidelines, i think about it at the wrong times, i see you loving on the sidelines, i don’t wanna know who you’ll be taking with you tonight

idfc

tell me pretty lies, look me in my face, tell me that you love me, even though it’s fucking fake

Cinnamon Girl

there’s things i wanna say to you, but i’ll just let you live, like if you hold me without hurting me, you’ll be the first who ever did

Cupid’s Chokehold / Breakfast in America

we even got a secret handshake, and she loves the music that my band makes, i know i’m young but if i had to choose her or the sun, i’d be one nocturnal son of a gun

Full machine

cause i’ve been trying to tell you, how you’re the one that i turn to, but i should probably stop, instead of forcing a breakthrough, it’s just that i’ll always choose you

In Between*

she toes the line between them, he says he’s new at this, there’s holy ground beneath them, and sparks fly when they kiss, he hates it when she’s crying, he hates when she’s away, even at their worst, they know they’ll still be okay

*Unreleased Honorable Mention

[magicalink]

2023 Wrap-up

Wow! Last year 2023 is over and I managed to post a total of 13 fanfics :0 (here I'm only counting the major posts and not smaller things)

Catboys in the House (CITH), chapter 2: Xiao joins the household!

Assembled Love, chapter 1: Perfect Sister.

Assembled Love, chapter 2: Perfect Brother.

CITH: What they do when you're down/stressed and can't sleep.

Assembled Love, chapter 3: Perfect Party.

Assembled Love, chapter 4: Perfect Night.

CITH: The Catboys' Dreams.

A Real Man.

What part of me wasn't good enough? :(

Bunny Boy Kuni!

Do they fuck or do they make love?

CITH: Catboyfriends and penetration.

Broken Beyond Repair.

This is definitely not as many as I wanted to post, but now that I actually counted them, it's more than I thought I had posted! I kinda achieved my goal of posting once a month even if I posted thrice one month and then disappeared for like two months several times.

My drafts and my Google Drive are filled with lots and lots of content that I'm struggling to finish. I've always struggled to give endings to the things I write :/ I'm working on that. I have tons and tons of unfinished Venti fics from when he was my top husbando before our divorce and my marriage with Kuni that I'm unable to finish. As you may have noticed if you took a look at the list of fics posted during the year, now I'm unable to write about characters other than Kuni bc he has me in the strongest chokehold I've ever experienced in my life :D I have to ask him for permission to work on those old fics and he always grabs me by the neck and says nope, focus on me :3 I have the same situation as this person here :3

As I said here, if I come to the conclusion that I won't be able to come up with an ending for a fic, I'm gonna post it unfinished like that Albedo fic I promised I was gonna post unfinished but suddenly got inspo, continued it and guess what, I'm stuck again :3 Gonna post it this month or next up to where I can. And in the unlikely case that I come up with an ending for fics that I post unfinished, I will eventually update them.

Well um, up to here this post was informative about the state of the blog. From here onwards it's more of a personal journal and self-reflection of mine? Just some things for me to remember so feel free to skip it cuz it'll probably be a wall of text. Things I wanna tackle to be able to finish more fics. I have many issues that prevent me from writing, but the worst one by far is toxic perfectionism.

I’ve talked about this in some asks I received, telling you about how when a fic becomes important to me, I get so scared of screwing it up that I stop writing it entirely. When something becomes important to me, I want it to be perfect and no matter how it comes out it never feels quite enough for me. This happens to me with many things in my life but it has also happened to me with Catboys in the House and Assembled Love. At first they were jokes, and side projects for me to practice my writing skills and try to develop the ability of building a linear story with multiple characters. But I fell so in love with them that I wanted to love the next chapters as much as I loved the previous ones and that created a lot of pressure on me.

So basically I’m trapped in a cycle of:  oh I had an idea I feel so passionate about—>I wrote it —--> I loved it —--> it’s unfinished —--> oh no I’m not nearly as inspired as I was back then, what if I ruin it? What if I don’t recreate the same vibes I had when I started it? What if I regret the words I use? What if I regret the changes in the plot? What if I post it and then I hate it because I don’t like it nearly as much as the first chapter I loved so much? What if…? —-> I don’t dare continue it just to ruin it. Let’s write something new that doesn’t make me feel pressured and has vibes I’m actually feeling rn —-> back to step one. Repeat.

And I’m tired of that. I wanna break that vicious cycle. It’s hard bc whenever I try to stand up to the toxic perfectionism reminding myself of the things I talked about with one of the people who asked me when tf is Assembled Love getting an update “it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be done” then the number 1 problem, the ocd, gets out of control. So they have to be tackled at the same time with different techniques.

Some people have asked me when are we getting more updates of Assembled Love and Catboys in the House and believe me, no one wants to read those updates more than I do 😭 I have the plot for like 10 chapters already decided and I just can’t come up with the inspo to put it into the right words 😭

I wanna tell you about how Xiao woke up tied up to a chair after reader and Venti found him turned into a human in their house, about how Albedo, Kazuha, and Scara got into the house as well, how Kazuha used to live in a refuge for hybrids ran by Yoimiya and Ayaka, about Zhongli being reader’s boss and how he has a foxboy boyfriend named Childe…I wanna tell you about how reader and Kuni have this annoying sexual tension they can’t get rid of in Assembled Love but they can’t do anything about it because they’re frenemies and because it would make their moms insanely mad at them, about how mysterious Keqing dad is, about how Venti has a secret identity going on at school, about a super handsome redhead quarterback from another school who wants to sweep reader off her feet…but the words just won’t come. You know what comes? Anxiety and ocd, those come in tons.

But I have a set of tools I intend to use to overcome those obstacles and write my stories because I’m the one who wants to read them the most.

The cct techniques against ocd

A shit ton of phrases and posts from other writers that rationalize the problem of toxic perfectionism when it comes to writing and make valid points about why it’s important to screw it and just write anyway. I have a full pinterest album full of them, but my favorite out of all of them is this one:

And I wanted to share it here because I think it applies to everything, not just to writing. I think life in itself is our box and we can do things every day to add sand to it, little by little, like the efforts of an ant, and someday that everyday effort will make something great that will enable you to build something great :3 I think this analogy is especially good for people struggling with ocd, depression, trauma, etc.

And it sucks. Cuz I swear I get the best ideas for dialogues in the middle of a shower or having a chat with my bf and then when I try to remember it to write it down it's gone. But well, I wanna give the architect writers tips a try, and see if I can write things that I enjoy re reading even if the inspo doesn’t feel immaculate. Because I ran out of my own material to read, and it hurts when I reach the final paragraph and I’m like…where’s the rest?? I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. And I feel like shit cuz I’m the one who has to write it 🥲

Jumping to another topic, they say that there are two types of writers: architects and gardeners. I don't remember cuz I read it a long time ago, but it goes something like this: Architects plan their stories in advance and build them carefully piece by piece, they are usually more prolific and finish their things in time. Meanwhile, garderners’ projects are like seeds tossed to the ground that only grow if given enough love and passion, and they need to be extremely lucky that the writer doesn’t run out of inspiration or feelings to get finished, and that’s why people say gardener writers almost never finish their stuff. (To exemplify, I rememner they say George Martin is called a gardener writer bc he said he has literally written 3 pages in the last 3 years or sth like that) So I’d say I’m more of a gardener writer but I also have this thing in which the writing I do that I love the most to re read was done in a weird state of being possessed by something (is that what they call the muse?) and I just had to vomit it into words or else. (I swear I don’t consume any substances) Those are the best stories. (The few things I remember of being forced to read the Illyad in highschool is that it starts with the narrator saying sth along the lines of 'oh muser pls sing to me,' becaise they invoked the muse to whisper the story in the writer's ear and I swear to god I used to feel like that. No I don't consume anything. And I haven't felt like that since the fucking step brother Scara cyberpunk fic. More than a fucking year.) And I think I’m not the only one who likes them, since my most popular post was one of those. (Yes, the godforsaken cyberpunk step brother thingy, you guys like the dirty stuff better than the fluff.) And that’s another reason why I don’t write when I’m not feeling possessed. But they also said that “inspiration finds you when you are working”. Never happened to me, it’s more like this:

Anyway, I’m writing this more for myself than anyone else (like pretty much everything that I write but nvm) because I don’t wanna forget the reason I started writing: to avoid forgetting, to relive all those feelings all over again. 

Anyway thank you for reading and commenting my fics all over 2022 and 2023, I had an amazing time and I'm happy with how the blog is turning out. I had a lot of fun both writing and reading and interacting with other people. This year I hope to be able to complete those projects I wanna see finished!

[i-cast-bardic-inspiration]

People I’d like to know better

Tagged by @pedros-immaculate-vibes ! Thaaaaanks~ 💓

P.S. I know my main blog @fairy-cat-mother was tagged but I make posts/reblog from this one, I just can’t like posts from here too 🥲 so I hope you don’t mind me making this post from here.

Last song:

Before this, though, I was listening to the Halsin playlist that Dave Jones made, The Piccolo Snare song in particular <3

I listen to a lot of Nordic/Celtic stuff though in general…Wardruna, Faun, Skald, etc. And some cinematic stuff too—like music by Two Steps From Hell.

Favourite Colour:

Sage Green or Lavender Purple

I wear lots of neutral colours though like black, brown, and cream, with a lil forest-y green thrown in the mix. Love me some old knitted sweaters 🤗

Currently Watching: Not currently watching anything…except if watching my Durge attempt to romance Halsin counts lolol Baldur’s Gate 3 has me in a chokehold and I’ve been playing in any spare time I get hahaaaaa. Also had exams for my herbal medicine course this past Friday so uhhh technically I was watching a bunch of recorded lectures? 😅

Last Movie / TV Show: Fuck, it’s been a while…ummmm, I thiiiink the last show I watched was Loki? And the last movie…my younger brother and sister-in-law wanted to watch Five Nights At Freddy’s so I watched it with them haha wasn’t my favourite but wasn’t the worst I’ve ever seen.

Spicy / Savoury / Sweet: I have a baby tongue that cannot handle spice and yet I always go for the spice lol. I do like all three though. Probably overall, savoury would be my go-to. I love ✨soup✨

Relationship Status: Happily married to my big, burly, ginger-bearded Irishman and I love his grumpy-but-really-a-softy ass with my whole heart 🥰

Current Obsession: Halsin. Times infinity. Can’t stop, won’t stop. Man has GANKED my heart 😩 Also BG3 in general—also can’t stop, won’t stop 😈

Last Thing I Googled:

“Durge bg3 scene with Halsin”

It was for research…

I was trying to find out if the resist scene would work with Halsin. It sadly does not. 👀 Y e t 👀 LARIAN PLEASE MAKE ONE FOR OUR DRUID I BEG YOU 😭🙏

P L E A S E

People I’d like to know better:

@autistichalsin

@orehuna

@cakenpiewhyohmy

@jiiigen

@tasmaniandevilworshipper

@minatofnowhere

If you don’t wanna do it, no worries! Or if you were already tagged, my baaaaad—I just went by the peeps who interacted here/on my main 🥳 either way, y’all are cool and thank you for interacting!

Anywayyy, peace out until next time duuuudes~ 😎✌️

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

okay so I know I sent an ask the other day already but I didn't see the ask prompts before and I got excited, you definitely deserve the ego boost so -

6/7/12 - therianthropy was the first one of your fics I read and it was a series of gut punches to read, you absolutely nailed the awful, self loathing headspace that can be built up in defense of a vicious but 'well-meaning' adult in your life, and the constant internal battle from wishing you didn't turn out a certain way, but also it being such a part of your identity that you almost want to feel proud that you 'became stronger' from it, and the almost instinctive revulsion towards your own weakness (and the awful thinking that maybe if you were smarter, if you knew better, if you weren't a child, you could have avoided being what felt like an active participant in your own trauma) - "He hates him, this stupid, sobbing thing, this weak thing, this thing that looked at a painful world and cried over it. He can’t believe how much he used to cry." and "Because the thing is, Foggy’s right. Stick was the worst thing to ever happen to Matt, bar his dad's death. And he wouldn’t change it for the goddamn world." - AUGH there are so many fics/meta with matt that of course dig into disability/CPTSD, and having to perform wellness over seeking help, but this is the first one that put me in a chokehold.

9 - I know I already said I'm on the edge of my seat for the next chapter of toy rosaries (MATT!!!! TALK TO YOUR FATHER!!!! NEOOOOW! also having to be an outside perspective to the hurtful bullshit that matt convinces himself he has to do... chefs kiss) but I'm also fantasizing about the next installment of therianthropy of course. with how you've been writing frank in kintsugi is driving me crazy and I'm so excited to see him in a different form having to deal with Matt basically adopting his daughter out from under him. co-parenting from hell. I'm also giggling to myself thinking about Matt finding out from Lisa presumably, having to walk into the office the next day shell-shocked, Foggy and Karen asking what's wrong, and Matt just having to be like "well... technically. it's a miracle." and then the collective heads in hands once they realize the nightmare situation they're in. (does Matt find out before Frank is arrested? After? Does he tell him then? Does Frank find out somehow first? LISA?????? HOW IS MY GIRL DOING??? AHHH!!!) I'm so fucking excited for the drama

ajkdfa;lnav;daihf;ah thank you so much, you're way too kind

I feel like so much of Matt is mixed up about Stick, because we see when he gets older that he did come to a realization that Stick was not the good guy--the entire "You're a dick" thing--but I think that we also see that Matt does very much enjoy the power and ability that his training gives him. He openly hates being pitied and there's a very visible part of him that feeds on what he's able to do as Daredevil. Like, i think Matt has at least partially begun to recognize that what happened to him was deeply fucked, and that's going to be in conflict with the fact that he really enjoys the product of it.

toy rosaries matt is SO mentally ill he needs time

Frank in kintsugi: i cannot let this dumb asshole near my kid

Frank in therianthropy: this dumb asshole is parenting my kid

It's such a flip-flop. Frank in kintsugi beat Matt to the kid that Matt's desperate to keep an eye on, and Matt in therianthropy beat Frank to his own fucking child. no one's having a good time.

I'm sooo excited to bring Frank into the mix (though we do have a few installments before then--Lisa and Matt need to come to some realizations before they're ready for Frank). It's gonna be so fucking dramatic I cannot wait

[nsfwhiphop]

Incoming Text for @badgalriri :

Don't hesitate to sue me, that way I can launch the scandal.

Hey, Rihanna!

This is the end of the show for you and me. You know I wish you well, but let’s be honest, it’s time to stop acting like we’re in love. If you wish to sue me, don’t hesitate; my lawyers are waiting to see what you have to say. I know you are their hostage and you think I will fall into your trap. Nice try though.

The evil regime thinks they will get away with a hit-and-run. They are day-dreaming.

Tell the evil regime to start shooting and stop talking. They have no idea World War III is here, and we are waiting for them to fire the first shot. If you don’t believe me, ask the allied forces, they will tell you the truth.

Nuclear war is what they fear, and I’m asking them to fire the first shot if they are so powerful. I dare them to shoot. They have no balls. Why do you think they never shoot? Because we are ready for war, anytime, any place, at any moment. They shoot, we shoot.

My dear, Rihanna! I’m not a rapper, I’m not an entertainer, I’m one of the most dangerous men on this earth and I have the most dangerous people in the world on speed dial, so trust me when I tell you, you don’t want to try me.

You know I care about you, and you know that I will always have your back. You are innocent in all this, I’m a witness. You are being coerced and they think this makes them look good, but no, it makes them look like clowns who resort to bullying a single mother. You are a hostage and I pity you, Rihanna. I can’t be mad at you, I feel your pain.

Just know that these people are all scared of Armageddon. They act tough, but they are so afraid of me, you have no idea. How many times have I begged them to start shooting? Do you know that it’s all I’m waiting for? That’s all I want. I want them to start shooting so I can send my armed forces to fight back.

You can sing and dance, but there is a nuclear war right around the corner. Just know that I was the first to warn y'all.

I have my gold, my underground bunker with 15 years worth of food stored, so all in all, I can’t complain.

You are the ones who will struggle once the nuclear blast occurs. You will never see it coming. The allied forces are planning this nuclear attack as we speak.

My dear Rihanna, if you don’t believe me, here is what you should do: tell the evil regime to shoot me at my home address in Elsau Strasbourg. If they are so powerful, why are they so afraid to shoot this home address? That’s all we want. Shoot us and see what happens.

Two things will happen:

There will be a devastating scandal that will send a lot of powerful people to jail.

This scandal will lead to World War III and the nuclear blast.

So, please don’t let me stop you. If you think I’m just a clown without protection and without power, why are you so afraid of shooting my home address?

Tell them that we are waiting for their so-called gangsters to start shooting. I swear, they will never see this world the same way again. It’s the moment I’ve been waiting for all my life.

I told you that I hold white supremacists by the balls but no one believes me. Tell them I said that. I’m an alien and I hold white supremacists in a chokehold. Trust me when I tell you if they make one false move, their entire world will crumble with this scandal. It will become the most humiliating defeat they have ever witnessed in their whole lives.

You know where I live, they know where I live, everyone knows where I live. I dare them to shoot my home if they have balls.

World War III will begin, and this scandal will destroy so many people. You don’t know the half of it.

Tell them that no one fears them. Their world is about to end. All that talking is worthless. Either you start shooting or you shut the fuck up.

Never forget that these evil regime clowns love their countries and their worst nightmare is to see their countries destroyed. That is why they’re so afraid of me. I’m the Angel of Doom. If they come at me, they will cause death and destruction in their home countries.

Don’t let my blog fool you. This is the blog of an alien who holds white supremacy by the balls. So much so that I asked them to either arrest me, shoot me, or shut the fuck up. No one is afraid of these clowns.

The only people who fear them are cowards, and I’m not a coward. I’m the bravest man they have ever met.

If any one of these clowns has balls, tell them to start shooting and see what happens.

Inevitable defeat, World War III is here. Keep thinking I’m candy.

Tell them no one is afraid of them. We have been waiting for them to start shooting since December 2023, and until now they still haven’t fired a shot. They know it’s the end of their tyranny, that’s why they are so afraid to shoot. Cowards with no balls.

My dear Rihanna - You are another Laney Boggs!

Today is the end of clout. No more clout for you.

You do you and I do me! It’s simple.

It’s a good deal! I hope you stay strong and fight back against the bullies.

Just so you know, you lost 20 billion dollars. Let that sink in!

Bye, bye! now.