#they only ever give the leads to people who go to that theater company

[myfairkatiecat]

MY SCHOOL IS DOING NEWSIES

[tokyo-tower-symbolism]

A Deep Dive of the Claudine-Maya Revue in the Movie, or why you really ought to read the fine print before signing a contract in tomato juice

So the Revues in Revue Starlight are a lot.

There is just so much packed into a few minutes. The sets! The fighting! The music! There’s just so much going on that you can’t completely process everything going on at once. And it’s absolutely awesome. The Revues look so amazing and feel so epic.

And sure it’s a lot, but we still get what’s happening. We saw the build up to each Revue, and we mostly know what’s going on in each of their heads. After all, it’s not just the stage that matters in the revues, but also the emotions going into it. For some, they’re worried about their future as a stage girl, whether or not they’ll be good enough to one day achieve their dreams. And for others, they’re worried about what graduation will mean for their relationships with each other as they each go on their separate paths. And as much as they try to hide it, these anxieties boil over in their Revues, forcing them to confront their deepest insecurities in front of the very person they tried so hard to hide it from.

But they’re never alone in these cases, they have their partner. Admittedly this usually doesn’t help at first since the only thing worse than one person catastrophizing over their future is two people catastrophizing over their futures. But still, they all manage to figure it out in the end together.

But Maya and Claudine aren’t insecure about the future. Both of them know that they’ll get into their dream troupe and neither of them seem too bothered about the fact that the two of them will be going their separate ways after High School.

So unlike every other Revue so far, which has been desperate and came from a place of hurt, the Revue of Soul starts off so much more lighthearted. The vibes are completely different from everything that came before in the movie. It feels like Maya and Claudine have nothing left to say to each other, that they are doing this Revue just for fun, it’s like a game to them.

But obviously it’s not just that, the two of them mean so much to each other! They’re just acting otherwise because of their pride, and once the two of them decide to drop all pretenses, they can finally have a proper Revue, where they put everything on the line just to understand each other.

And to see how we got here, I’m going to try to lay out everything going on with Claudine and Maya in the Movie that got us here. This is a part of a series of Deep Dives I’m doing for each of the Movie’s Revues, and while you can read this one without reading the others, I may make some references to themes and ideas that I brought up in the earlier Deep Dives, but I’ll do my best to give context if that ever happens.

So first I wanna talk about Maya at the start of the Movie.

She’s applying to the New National Theater Troupe, regarded as the world’s greatest theater company. She wants to use it to face even greater challenges there and go to the greatest stage.

And unlike Mahiru or Futaba who doubt their chances of getting in, Maya has no such concerns.

Her teacher even warns Maya that the lessons will be strict at New National because even she is already assuming that Maya will be accepted.

It should be noted though, that when her teacher sees her plans, she mentions that this troupe was what she expected from Maya, which leads into Maya’s self image thing we see later in the actual Revue.

Of course, that’s not to say that Maya is only applying to New National because that’s what people expect her to do. She’s genuinely excited. She’s constantly bragging about how cool and awesome New National is in the common room and on the train ride to New National. Seriously, in the scene in Common Room, she’s reading a book about them because she’s so excited to be going there and wants to share what she learned with all her friends!

Honestly she’s such a dork.

Speaking of friends, Maya has them now! She isn’t nearly as isolated as she was at the start of the series, back when Claudine was the only one to reach out to her. Before there would usually be shots with some line or other kind of separation between her and the rest of her classmates in the frame, but Nana’s taken that role now, so Maya gets to be smack dab in the middle of conversation now instead of lurking at the edge. And later at the kick off party, you can even see Maya talking to some people who weren’t in the Starlight cast! I guess after losing the Top Star position to Hikari, she seemed less untouchable and more approachable? Though I’m only saying that because Maya isn’t really trying to make more friends by being nicer. In fact, Maya isn’t really acting any different from how she did in the show.

Like sure, she lost the audition because Hikari and Karen Starlighted more than her and Claudine, but it’s not like they really shook her worldview. She even says to Claudine that she hasn’t lost. She had absolutely no reason to change in the time between the show and the movie. The only thing that changed is that people don’t see her as the untouchable top star anymore, just their friend who’s a little more skilled than they are.

Actually that might be because of Karen and Hikari beating her now that I think about it. I mean in the Revue of Pride, Maya was almost insulted by Karen’s idea that she could shine together with Hikari. After all, Maya talked about how the top star had to stand alone and what she had to give up to be the top star, and it everytime it would cut to a shot of Claudine.

But after losing to them, maybe Maya softened up on this position. She realized she doesn’t need to stand apart from everyone else in order to shine, and that maybe she should reach out to others more, just like Karen and Hikari did to shine together. So that’s why she comforts Claudine after their loss, and that’s why she decides to get closer to everyone else after the auditions.

But while she’s not nearly as distant as before, there’s still a gulf separating her and her classmates. She’s still on a last name basis with most of them, and there are some visuals separating her from Futaba and Mahiru, like the metal bar separating them on the train, or how Mahiru and Futaba mimic the poster on their left while Maya mimics the poster to her right.

But for a more distinct moment of separation, take a look at when Kaoruko brought up the anniversary of the auditions. No one else knows what she’s talking about when she mentions the date, except for Maya, who coolly answers her. And while everyone is kinda shocked that Kaoruko would actually want to go through that again because last year's auditions are kinda a terrible system and everyone moved on, it’s important to note that they all did forget the date and are way more surprised than Maya that Kaoruko would even consider wanting to be the top star of those auditions.

Kaoruko claims that everyone’s indifference to the anniversary is actually because they all gave up on becoming the top star. And like obviously Kaoruko is just lashing out here, she admits it to Claudine later, but there’s a grain of truth in how no one was seriously thinking about being the top star anymore, or about their next stage before the Revue of Annihilation.

Except for Maya.

So now let’s take a look at Claudine.

Because of her performance in the 100th Starlight, Claudine was scouted by a Theatre du Flamme, a prestigious troupe in France that could rival New National in fame. It’s an honor and it’s her passion and she wants to put herself up to the challenge, all that stuff is that’s important, yes, but what I want to point out is that she isn’t going to New National with Maya! It’s not even her second choice! She has no plans to compete on the same stage as Maya after they graduate!

Earlier I said Maya didn’t change much from the show, but Claudine definitely has.

Claudine has this thing in the show where she’s cool, calm, and collected most of the time. She’s very wise, easy to get along with, and supportive of all her friends. Basically the perfect stage girl. However all of that goes out the window the moment Tendo Maya comes into the room. Literally the moment Maya enters her line of sight, she goes completely feral and will devote 100% of her energy on trying to beat Maya. And since she’s always in the same scenes as Maya, we see this mode like 90% of the time.

It’s hilarious and wonderful.

But this stops after their mutual loss to Karen and Hikari, when Maya takes a moment to let Claudine know that she respects her, that Maya also needs Claudine, and that Claudine doesn’t need to try so hard to get Maya to acknowledge her.

So basically during the first part of the movie, Claudine knows that she doesn’t need to work so hard to prove herself to Maya, so she can be her usual cool and collected self around Maya.

But despite that, the two of them don’t really talk. Even though the two of them affirmed that they need each other and they make each other soar higher, their only interaction before the Revue of Annihilation is on the Train to New National, when Claudine teases Maya because she overheard Claudine say her name while talking to Junna. This would never happen in the show when Claudine was always desperate for Maya’s attention, but now Maya is the one hanging onto Claudine’s words.

Instead, Claudine focuses her attention on everyone else, which is necessary since they have a lot of baggage.

Mahiru confides in Claudine about her uneasiness about her chances of getting into New National. Kaoruko admits that she’s the most useless of them all only when Claudine confronts her. Claudine is the one who pushes Junna to aim higher in her future plans. And Claudine is the one who recommended Futaba to try and audition for New National.

Anyways you may notice that Claudine doesn’t have a moment with Karen, Hikari, Maya, or Nana. That is for various valid reasons, like Hikari being in London, but from a meta perspective it’s because Claudine has lost to all of them in a Revue at some point. So basically, Claudine is giving advice to everyone as a top star, and she’d be unqualified if she tried to advise the other four.

Anyways I want to take a moment to talk about the differences between Claudine and Maya’s philosophy on the Top Star’s duty to her costars. Maya uses herself as an example of what a top star should be, and expects others to emulate her. Meanwhile, Claudine takes a much more direct approach with helping her friends become the top star.

We saw this in the show with how Claudine helped Futaba practice, while Maya instead advised Kaoruko on how the leader has a duty to be a goal to the follower. Or how when Maya beats Karen, she leaves Karen at the bottom and shines alone at the top. And this is juxtaposed with Claudine beating Futaba simultaneously, but Claudine actually holds out a hand to help Futaba up.

Actually Claudine really only helps Futaba in the show, now that I think about it…

Whatever, we can assume that this attitude would extend to any of her friends had they reached out and asked for help like Futaba.

And now I want to talk about the purpose of Maya and Claudine in the show.

So basically Maya is the perfect top star. She can dance, sing, and act better than everyone else there. Her first scene in the show literally had her claiming position zero uncontested. She is the person they all aspire to be in their pursuit to be a star. It sounds a bit dramatic, but that was her role in Revue Starlight. If Karen and Hikari wanted to topple the top star system, they’d have to defeat Maya, who represented everything both great and wrong about it.

Claudine meanwhile, is representative of the other part of the top star system, the ones who aren’t the top star. She competes with the Top Star, in hopes of taking the spotlight for herself. But despite that, only one person stands alone at the top, so when Claudine is passed over, she needs to take a supportive role and kill her ego in the actual play. And while this is some impressive compartmentalization on her end, Claudine still insists that she hasn’t lost, and continues to challenge Maya despite her many losses. Claudine is what Karen or Hikari would have to be if the other managed to be the top star. But despite that, Karen and Hikari don’t want to fight each other in the show. Hikari goes out of her way multiple times to keep Karen out of the Revues, and Karen wants to shine together with Hikari.

So Maya and Claudine are what Karen and Hikari need to overcome to make their own Starlight. Actually, Maya and Claudine are representative of the 99th Starlight too, the past that Nana tried to protect.

But for everyone else, Maya is the goal that they’re all striving for. She has that je ne sais quoi a star needs, but just seeing the end goal isn’t enough for the rest of them. They don’t get to see how she got there, so they themselves don’t know how to get there. It’s like looking at the answer for a physics question without knowing the formula. And that’s where Claudine comes in. She’s constantly competing with Maya, never letting setbacks keep her down for long. She’s constantly practicing and never satisfied, she doesn’t rest on her past glory. She’s the person closest to becoming like Tendo Maya, to becoming the Top Star.

If a stage girl wants to be like Tendo Maya, first they have to be like Saijo Claudine.

Anyways, that’s what it was like in the show. But if you take a look at Claudine’s advice in the movie, she tends to have a recurring piece of wisdom: That Maya ain’t shit actually.

It sounds a bit rude when I say it like that, but it’s actually supposed to be inspiring.

In the laundry room with Mahiru, Claudine tells her that everyone’s like freshmen, and that if she gets into New National, Mahiru will be too. But following that logic, Maya will also be a freshman, and in the same position as Mahiru, so Mahiru really shouldn’t be that worried, since she’ll be on the same level as Maya. And on the train, when Junna says that she doesn’t think she could measure up to Claudine or Maya right now, Claudine tells Junna that she can be just as good as Maya. And consider what Claudine told Futaba, “If it’s you, you’ll get in.” That’s basically what people said about Maya applying to New National.

And that means a lot considering not too long ago, Claudine thought Maya was just so good that she couldn’t lose to anyone! And when she did lose, Claudine blamed herself instead, because Tendo Maya can’t lose.

But now she’s helping her classmates who are feeling that same insecurity she felt last year, that she couldn’t compare to Maya, and she’s telling them that it’s actually just in their head. That they can be just as good as Maya so long as they don’t think of her as anything special, because otherwise they’d be limiting themselves to Maya’s shadow.

So unlike everyone else, Claudine and Maya are doing fine, more or less. Like yeah it’s a stressful period of transition for all of them as they plan for their futures after High School, but Claudine and Maya seem to have it mostly figured out. If anything, they’re the reliable ones who everyone else goes to for guidance.

So maybe that’s why the two of them take the lead in the Revue of Annihilation against Nana.

When everyone gets put in a surprise Revue with Nana, Claudine and Maya do not get blinded by the stage lights and are the first ones to get their bearings and attack her as she makes her way across the train. And it’s worth noting that they’re the only pair who’s in sync, but that doesn’t really mean much considering the only other pair on the same side is Futaba and Kaoruko, and they’re going through a rough patch. But then again everyone else is also going through a rough patch at this point, so my point stands.

That’s kinda why they’re doing this Revue.

This Revue is supposed to be a wake up call for all of them. Nana knows that they’ll all die as stage girls with their current half hearted conviction, but none of them can see it. They’ve all stagnated and got comfortable, and as a result are dying. So when they fight a stage girl who is actually motivated, they crumple. They’re no match for Nana as they are now.

In the show, Nana always wanted to protect them, and she still is trying to guide them during the Revue of Annihilation. She still has that same brilliance, but no one else has the same motivation they had during the show. Mahiru, Junna, and Futaba don’t even think they can get into New National, which is a far cry from the stage girls who once attempted to beat Tendo Maya and become the Top Star. They’re all scared of the future and gave up on becoming the top star, like Kaoruko accused earlier. And just like Kaoruko said before, she’s the most useless of them all when it comes to that.

And with every clasp she cuts, Nana makes them come to terms with that ugly truth they were ignoring.

But Claudine and Maya aren’t scared of the future. They’re confident they’ll make their dream troupes. Unlike Junna or Mahiru or Futaba, they were in the world of Theater even before High School, and they’re confident they’ll continue for the future too.

So that clarity is why the train leaves the darkened tunnel that Nana defeated everyone else in. And while the train goes through the city, Nana repeats her line from the start of the Revue, that the train will go to the next station without fail. But what about the stage? What about us?

In a literal sense, the next station for the Train is New National, but I’m pretty sure it’s a metaphor for the unstoppable marching on of time. After all, New National is going to be the next stage for a good chunk of them. So Nana’s essentially asking them whether they are prepared to move onto the future. And along with that, will the stage be in their future? Will they decide to live on stage?

But that took me a while to figure out. Like I had to sit down and think about what Nana was saying, and then pick up seemingly inconsequential lines by Mahiru and Claudine much later in the movie. Do you really think I understood that the first time I saw this movie? It’s way too cryptic. Literally how the fuck is anyone supposed to understand that in the middle of a Revue.

But Claudine gets me. She has no clue what’s going on either. She’s just like me for real.

But Maya isn’t a plebeian like me and Claudine. She’s the top star. Obviously she understands exactly what Nana means. This is Tendo Maya, after all. She has never not taken the stage seriously. From the moment she entered Seisho, she already knew what her future was going to be and unlike everyone else, she never had a big shock to shake that resolve.

She’s constantly giving 100% to be the ideal top star and won’t ever stop, so as long as the stage and audience will have her, she is already on stage. Both the stage and herself will be at the next station. She decided long ago to live on stage.

Despite Nana’s worries, Maya will never die as a stage girl.

And that’s the difference between Maya and the rest of her classmates. That’s why Maya is illuminated by moonlight, but everyone else gets cast in the shadows by the tunnel. Because Maya has no doubts that she wants to be a stage girl, she is the only one shining.

Anyways, Claudine continues to be the audience surrogate since she still has literally no clue what Maya and Nana are talking about, which is fair. In what world does any of this exchange make sense? I guess I explained it a little earlier, but literally how is someone supposed to understand this on their first watch? They are speaking complete nonsense. This sounds like a code that a spy agency would make their undercover agents in enemy territory say before handing them classified documents.

This feeling of alienation continues for Claudine as Maya and Nana approach each other in sync, while Claudine is still stuck in place. And despite her calling their names, the two of them continue in their little world without Claudine.

And this infuriates Claudine. After all, the only reason she’s been on her best behavior recently is because she reached an understanding with Maya that they were rivals who respected each other’s skills. And now Nana and Maya, but mostly Maya, are leaving her behind? That’s completely unacceptable.

So it reignites that competitive anger that Claudine had in the show, and she charges at Nana with that same drive to win that she had during the auditions. This is the energy that Claudine had when she was constantly chasing Maya in the show, when she gave it her all. But this means that Claudine hasn’t been giving it her all since the show ended. She’s stagnated as well, since she’s no longer forcing herself to improve, and instead resting on her laurels after getting Maya to acknowledge her. And that’s not enough to stay alive as a stage girl.

Plus, if the only reason she could reawaken her previous radiance was because she wanted to prove herself to Maya and Nana, but mostly Maya, and they’ll all be going their separate ways after High School, can you she really say she’s prepared for the future where she’ll be on her own? It’s not like the two of them will be able to compete like they did at Seisho when they’re halfway across the world from each other.

So while Nana has nothing to say to Maya, who doesn’t actually need her wake up call, she can tell Claudine that she’s being a bit too talkative. And that’s also why Nana can easily slice off Claudine’s button and move on to lock swords with Maya.

But as I said, Maya is already resolved to stand on stage, so Nana can’t actually beat her, so she doesn’t. So by defeating Claudine, Nana achieved everything she needed, so that’s why the cloak falling matches time with Nana reaching Position Zero.

And that’s it. Nana tries to act out a scene with Junna, but they’re all so dead as stage girls that none of them can continue the scene. Blood Tomato Juice rains down on them to add insult to injury, and they’re all so consumed in their own problems they don’t even realize it’s fake.

Except Maya of course, who is the only one with a complete view of the stage currently and can clearly see it’s just stage equipment. And she takes charge, telling them this fact.

But even though Nana has forced them to confront their own failings during this Revue, it will be up to them to work past it.

Which is where Seisho’s 101st Starlight Kick Off Party comes in!

The scene starts off with shots of all their other classmates having fun and it’s brightly lit, but then we cycle through the losers of the Revue, and they’re all alone and in the dark. It’s a visual metaphor.

We then get to Tendo Maya and unlike everyone else she’s not alone, since she’s talking with some other students, and she's actually in a well lit area! Nana didn’t give Maya anything to think about, she can just enjoy this party all carefree like the rest of their classmates.

Unlike Claudine, who is malding and watching Maya through the window and wondering why only Maya managed to not lose. At least, I’m guessing that’s what Claudine means since she never actually finished her question of “why is only she…”. But I’m probably not too far off since Claudine takes a look at her phone which has Nana’s question from earlier that only Maya could answer.

Anyways, I think it's interesting that Claudine gravitated towards the practice room, because that’s the same place she went after she first lost to Maya in the auditions.

Claudine took that loss pretty hard. She missed her morning classes and she kind of just lost all her confidence. And then after class, she tries to practice there, but keeps messing up. It’s only after aggressively dancing there with Futaba, who came to check up on her, that Claudine breaks out of that funk and regains her usual spark.

But the practice room is also where Claudine managed to understand Maya. In episode 4, when Maya and Claudine are practicing there, Claudine asks her why Maya’s participating in the auditions to become the top star when she’s already the top star anyways. That’s like a millionaire entering the lottery, it feels kinda pointless. But then Maya tells Claudine that she’s in the auditions because she wants to be the only top star and doesn’t want to see anyone else take what’s hers, which fits into my millionaire analogy pretty well. And at this moment, Claudine understands that Maya’s just really greedy, which does come into play later in their Revue.

So I’m wondering if Claudine is in this darkened room because it’s where she regained her confidence last time, or because it is where she managed to understand Maya, and wants to again.

Either that or she just spends a lot of time in the practice room, so a bunch of important moments happen here all the time since where else would they occur? She’s always there!

Anyways, back to the kick off party, the script is unfinished, just like their futures. So the director gets on stage and after rupturing everyone’s eardrums by screaming into a megaphone, she tells everyone that she’s scared. That this is going to be their final performance at Seisho and she doesn’t know what their next play will be like, if it will be better than everything they’ve done before. Just like the anxieties about the future that everyone has. But she doesn’t want to stop. She wants to do one last show with everyone.

And the scriptwriter apologizes for not being able to finish, but instead she gets an outpouring of support from her classmates, who love what she did so far and are willing to help her out.

This is just like the stage girls who are also scared of their future, but just like everyone else here, also have each other.

This moment is a turning point for the losers after the Revue of Annihilation.

Once they erect the Starlight Tower prop for the next Starlight play, Maya repeats her line from the train, that she is already on stage, only this time instead of saying I, she says we. None of them would lose to Nana on the train again at this point. They’ve learned their lesson. They’re got renewed determination to live on as stage girls, and even if they’re not there yet, there is someone out there who can help them on their journey.

Nana tells them that the time for snacks is over, and the stage girls need to hunger for a new stage, because that’s what a stage girl is, and asks if that’s true for all of them. She’s putting into words the implicit question she had on the train.

Do they want to continue being stage girls in the future? Well, stage women I guess after they reach a certain age, but then again stage girl is a state of mind so whatever.

And Claudine answers that she’s already on the stage, the same answer Maya gave before, so yeah, she does.

She also finds the answer to her question earlier in the practice room for “why only she…” since Claudine says “So that’s why only she...” while watching Maya perform.

Wish she’d share the answer with the rest of the class though. Or even the question. Seriously.

Anyways, they get back on the train and face their dead stage girl selves. We can tell they’re dead because they have no cloak and are lying motionless on the floor, but also because we quite literally see a dead stage girl later, when Karen refuses to act because she has nothing after Starlight and ends up in a similar state.

These are stage girls with no next stage, no future. And judging by the fact they aren’t wearing shoes, which is characteristic of suicide in Japan, this means these stage girls who chose to die. They didn’t decide to continue to live on stage.

While looking at her dead body, Claudine decides that she’ll get back on stage again. Despite her loss, she choosing to continue acting, just like when she first lost to Maya in the auditions. She’ll have to work hard to become her own ideal top star, but she’s going to do it, so she can’t give up here.

This isn't what Maya does. Unlike Claudine and everyone else, Maya doesn’t even consider looking at her self as a dead stage girl. Because Maya has known her entire life what she’s going to do, she has never considered stepping off of the stage. That’s why she doesn’t even bother to look at it, instead looking at the giraffe, the stand in for the audience, the stage, or whatever other concept it symbolizes that day.

Also it’s interesting that when Junna asks what they need to put an end to, Maya answers “to greed.” She also says “to brutality”, but the greed thing feels more impactful considering Claudine understood that Maya was just a greedy person back in episode 4. Anyways, Maya says they need to do that to continue acting on stage and to get to the next stage, which shows that even she isn’t ready to move onto the next stage, as she thinks she has to strip away some of her uglier emotions to get to her next stage.

Anyways, from the giraffe rolls a tomato that Maya picks up. Because he’s made of vegetables and other fruits now. And no one questions it.

Please someone question this.

They questioned the talking giraffe so much in the show, but literally no one has anything to say about this.

As the giraffe says, he is their food, their fuel. This ties into the original auditions from the show, but there the fuel was each other and it was used to get the top star to their stage of destiny. But in the upcoming Revues, they aren’t fighting to be the top star. They are fighting because as stage girls, they need to hunger for a new stage, like Nana said.

So by eating the tomato that comes from the giraffe, they are choosing to continue being a stage girl. And by repeating Maya’s answer, that they are already on stage, they have grown past the versions of themselves that lost to Nana.

And then we get three whole Revues plus scenes of Karen’s past and Hikari’s journey before getting to the actual topic of this essay. I wouldn’t blame you for forgetting what’s going on with Maya and Claudine before we check back on them.

Although We see Claudine for a little bit, since she has a little cameo in the Revue of Resentment, which was nice. But like, why? Literally no one else ever takes part in anyone else’s Revue. What is she doing here?

I mean I guess it fits into her philosophy with her classmates, where she gets involved in everyone else’s business whether they like it or not. Although we never really got to see that in the show because Maya was on her mind like 95% of the time. Maya’s probably not on her mind right now though, since she’s smug once more, so clearly she got over whatever happened on the train and is confident again, just like at the start of the movie.

Also would you look at that? Some unattended, extra Star Buttons. I wonder if those will ever be used in the future?

But before we get to the Revue of Soul, I want to take a moment to reflect on how all the other ones started. Futaba burst into the scene while Kaoruko was challenging Claudine. Hikari ran into the stage looking for Karen but instead got Mahiru. And Junna was blindsided by Nana forcing her to commit seppuku. What I’m trying to say is that none of the Revues have started with both participants on the same page. And once they do meet up, they immediately start performing because they can’t contain themselves any longer.

Which is why it’s a shock when we get to Maya and Claudine, who are backstage and playing a kids game of Shoji before their revue. They’ve quite literally hung their cloaks up and are just vibing before the show.

And in a reversal of their usual positions, Claudine beats Maya. Maya hasn’t even won once, but she insists that next time she will, just like what Claudine usually says.

Anyways, the lighthearted conversation they have about Maya sucking at Shoji segues into Claudine monologuing about her own failings as a stage girl. Like Maya, Claudine also decided the stage was going to be her way of life long ago. But if that were true, then Claudine shouldn’t have lost to Nana, she should have stayed undefeated like Maya.

But she was so focused on her stage with Maya that she didn’t consider the next stage. And once Maya acknowledged her, Claudine got satisfied with just that, and as a result lost that drive that made her an amazing stage girl in the show, and started decaying because of that. After all, if Claudine was so easily satisfied, she would never be able to grow as a stage girl in the future.

So that’s why Claudine wants to put an end to it with Maya here.

Claudine will be reborn. She will no longer chase Maya. She will find her next stage on her own.

And Maya’s shocked by this. She likes it when Claudine chases her. But Maya knows that she needs to get rid of her own greed if she wants to continue to the next stage, and Claudine needs to do this to get to her own next stage, as unfortunate for Maya that may be.

So despite her probably mixed feelings, she welcomes Claudine to the stage, seeing as they’ve both resolved to continue being stage girls, and that’s what the top star ought to do, right? Inspire everyone else so that they too can one day make it to her level, and Claudine did exactly that.

But that kind of leaves the issue of what Maya and Claudine are doing here.

After all, Claudine just got to the conclusion that it took most of them a Revue to get to. Kaoruko and Futaba, Hikari and Mahiru, Junna and Nana, each of them ended their Revues by cheering each other on as they went their separate ways. And Maya and Claudine just went through that emotional rollercoaster entirely backstage and off screen.

When they perform, the stage girls put everything out on stage. It’s a moment of complete honesty where they reveal all their insecurities and hidden feelings that they avoid in their daily lives. Sure the movie complicates this by adding portions where the stage girls play different characters, but in the end there's nothing but them left.

And it's because of this that they can help each other get ready for the future. Only by laying out their issues could they even begin to ask for help. Kaoruko’s pain over Futaba leaving her, Futaba’s insecurities about her own ability compared to Kaoruko, Mahiru’s fear that she won’t act well, Hikari’s constant escaping from her costars, Junna’s lack of self confidence, and Nana’s longing for a Junna that no longer exists.

But it was because of the Revues that the other person could help support them. Kaoruko understood that Futaba would eventually come back, Futaba got to be the selfish one for once and ignore Kaoruko’s feelings, Mahiru received validation as Hikari’s rival and as an actress, Hikari stopped running away and could properly face Karen, Junna found a new resolve, and Nana got to see Junna shine again.

So what’s the point of this upcoming Revue? Everyone else needed their revues so they could come to some conclusion about their future as a stage girl, but Claudine and Maya are good now. Like sure, Claudine lost in the Revue of Annihilation, yeah, but she figured out what she was doing wrong and corrected herself. And Maya never needed any help with her future as a stage girl in the first place.

Just like the animal shoji, this upcoming Revue is just a game for them. A way to pass time rather than anything personal. There’s no need for the vulnerability we saw before. And it’s all just so antithetical to every Revue we’ve seen so far.

Obviously that’s not going to be true for very long. It’s these two overdramatic losers we’re talking about after all.

So yeah, let’s get to the actual Revue now.

I know the Revues are all about acting, but this one is literally a play. Like when we hear the buzzer that starts the auditions, the curtain rises and it literally says Act I.

Not to mention, there’s an audience too! Everyone who finished their Revues is watching what’s going on.

And then we see our players, Maya and Claudine, or rather the stage person and the devil, because they are playing characters. Specifically characters from Faust, with Maya playing the eponymous Faust and Claudine playing Mephistopheles.

In the previous Revues, you could tell when a character is performing because they are wearing a costume instead of their Revue Outfit, and that’s true even here. Although they are wearing buttons that tie up their cloaks, their weapons are different from usual, and Claudine is speaking in a much lower register.

But while a good chunk of the current scene is superficial, it doesn’t mean it’s meaningless.

The frame next to Maya displays the golden bird from the Revue of Pride, the symbol of her dominance as a top star. In the Revue of Pride, Maya showed the difference between her and Karen, as no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t reach Maya’s level. Everything she did was futile as both the stage and Maya stopped Karen from getting any closer to the bird and the top.

Karen may have managed to win her previous Revues, but she still had a far way to go if she ever wanted to be the top star. And as Karen watched from the bottom of the stairs, you can hear Maya singing about how this is her pride.

That bird is the symbol of all her work to become a top star that no one else could reach.

Meanwhile the frame near Claudine contains the contract that will become very important later on, not that the first time viewer will notice that. But basically, that contract is Claudine’s promise to show Maya a brilliance that she’s never seen before, essentially that Claudine will beat Maya. Which if you think about it, is the exact same as her always saying that she hasn’t lost. She’ll win next time.

Essentially, that contract is the materialization of everything that kept her going as a stage girl despite her many, many losses to Maya.

And it’s no accident that these two meaningful props are framed similarly. Claudine and Maya act like this is just a game to them, but it’s really not. The two of them are too important to each other to let their final goodbye be so meaningless.

Plus, Picture frames will become an important motif as the Revue goes on, and actually you can see a ton of frames at the top of the stage before the light turns on for this Revue.

Anyways, similarly to her role in the gambling house from the Revue of Resentment, Claudine makes a bet with Maya: That if Claudine can show Maya a brilliance she has never seen before, Claudine can win Maya’s soul. And to show this, she steals the bird from Maya’s painting, which is basically a declaration of war when you consider what it meant in the Revue of Pride. But I guess here it’s Maya’s soul?

Undaunted, Maya accepts her offer and signs the contract in blood tomato juice with a T for Tendo, establishing the bet.

And I mentioned that whatever is in the frames is important to them, so I just think it’s a neat visual detail of how much the two of them affected each other by physically changing these symbols.

With the bet established, the stage responds to the two of them, changing the set and starting Act II of the play. It’s titled the Black Tragedy, or the Colorless Desire of the Stage Person. Black refers to Claudine, since her nickname Kuro means black in Japanese, and she’s gonna suffer a pretty big loss in a bit, or that she’s going to be the tragedy that awaits Maya later, I guess. And the Colorless Desire of the Stage Person hints at Maya’s ideal of a top star, as in one that’s empty.

Anyways, the two of them spar for a bit, but it’s not an actual Revue Fight. They are using different weapons from usual, since neither of them have the gem that shines with a stage girl’s passion. And if you listen to the song, you can hear Claudine and Maya refer to each other as Devil and Stage Person, meaning these are just lines in the play for their characters. Plus we see Claudine hide in the shadows using a bunch of demon cut outs as a distraction, which isn’t exactly how Saijo “How dare you look away from me in the Middle of a Revue” Claudine would usually fight.

But then again, seeing the misdirection she pulls off later in the Revue, maybe she has recently adopted a bit of trickery into her arsenal.

Again though, I want to stress that this is like a game to them. They’re saying cheers in French and talking about making a wager. They’re playing. They’re having fun in this Revue. They like competing against each other. Earlier I asked what’s the purpose of this Revue, and the reason is because they want to do a Revue with each other. And you know what? I’m enjoying it too.

Fuck it, I ship them, I’ve even written fanfiction of them. I like it when they’re happy together. Plus it’s a nice change of pace to not have to deal with any heavy emotions for a bit considering we just went through three very emotionally charged Revues and snippets of Karen’s really lonely backstory.

But neither Maya nor Claudine are content to let their final goodbye just be a play that anyone could perform.

As the battle draws to an end, three artworks in those recurring frames descend from the ceiling, and they depict the stage person Maya triumphant, the devil Claudine defeated, and a discarded star clasp.

And while Claudine and Maya ignore it, it might seem familiar to the viewer because the poses and the position of the paintings match the scene at the end of episode 2, where Maya beat Claudine in an audition.

This is because Maya, as the artist we see later, is asserting their history through the play. Despite the two acknowledging each other as equals, Claudine has still never beaten Maya, and they both know that. Maya has always been one step ahead of Claudine.

Back in the play, Claudine shouts at Maya to give her the soul and thrusts her sword forward, but only ends up skewering her hat with Maya nowhere to be seen. And the framing of the scene makes the hat cover the painting behind it with the button, as though Claudine had stabbed the button.

That’s because Claudine should have won here.

In the story of Faust, Mephistopheles does end up taking his soul. It’s a tragedy, so the main character loses. If they were properly acting this play out, Claudine would have won here. So had she been fighting anyone other than Tendo Maya, she would have cut her opponent’s clasp off here.

The show should have ended. You can hear canned applause from the audience, but Maya has disappeared, so something’s up.

We eventually find Maya in the audience, who is clapping along with the empty audience for a show well done.

And then Maya brings up Rivals.

Now, Faust and Mephistopheles are not rivals. Mephistopheles is so much more powerful than a mere human, he’s just lending Faust his powers so he can eventually drag him to hell. They are not equals. Meaning Maya isn’t acting anymore, she’s talking about herself and Claudine now. She’s finished with her performance.

Anyways that little laugh Maya did before saying rivals pissed Claudine off because she thinks Maya is mocking her, so she asks what’s so funny about that. Again, showing Claudine’s insecurity about actually being equal to Maya. We saw this on the train when she was out of the loop with Maya and Nana, and we see this again here, showing that maybe Claudine still craves Maya’s approval.

But the one hole in that theory is that Claudine is still acting here.

Although, there is a moment of genuine surprise in her own voice when she sees Maya, that doesn’t last for very long.

But even though they’re talking about themselves now, Claudine’s voice is still much lower than usual. Plus she’ll continue using the masculine pronoun for I (ore) that the devil uses instead of her usual feminine I (watashi).

By the way, don’t expect any more analysis of the actual Japanese wordings from me ever again. I don’t know the language at all and the very little I do know comes from Anime, so that’s like net negative knowledge actually.

Anyways, back from my tangent, Maya elaborates that Claudine has been doing a very good job at playing the role of a rival who chases after her, which pisses off Claudine even more because what the fuck does Maya mean role? It’s not a role, she is Maya’s rival.

And Maya doesn’t disagree. As we see later, she sees role and one's self as the same. She’s always performing, doing what’s expected of her as a top star. So in a weird way, Maya simultaneously thinks that Claudine is her rival and that Claudine did a very good job at playing the role of her rival. It’s confusing. And Maya tries to explain this, talking about the real role she must perform, the ultimate stage person.

Earlier I mentioned that Maya going to New National was expected of her, and here we hear the other expectations she’s been given, as a thoroughbred, because both of her parents are in theater, but also as a genius. But instead of feeling pressured, Maya embraced these titles.

That’s why her advice to Kaoruko back in episode 6 was that she ought to meet the lofty ideal that Futaba set for her. The sense of duty to always be the very best you can be. In fact, Maya wants to go beyond the expectation that everyone else set for her, aiming for an even more impossible goal that only she could achieve.

But that’s just Maya’s perspective. I’m sure it sounds very grand to her and us at this point, but I doubt Claudine would be very impressed by this goal. And this is all speculation on my end, but I want to rewind to what Maya’s said earlier, when Maya talks about how people called her a thoroughbred and a genius.

And like, Claudine knows that. That was the whole reason she approached Maya when they first met at the entrance exam, because Maya was called those exact same words. But Claudine was pretty famous too. She was called “genius child actor” and “future top star”. And she got ahead of herself because of that. And as Claudine says in episode 10, she was so lame because of that overinflated ego. But when Maya kept beating her, that brought her back down to earth and forced her to be reborn as someone humbler and harder working.

So basically, what I’m trying to say is that Claudine thinks what Maya is saying here is super cringy. It’s like seeing someone do something embarrassing, but then you remember when you did that exact same thing years ago.

It’s the worst.

So in order to end this living nightmare, Maya needs someone to bring her down to earth like she did for Claudine so long ago.

But not yet. Right now is a moment of triumph for Maya as she reveals the cool new bird that is her soul. It’s way cooler than the golden one that Claudine took before because it’s bigger and moves. Plus it’s a vessel for god, since it has no emotions or instincts and is thus completely empty, and therefore can portray every single lead and stage.

Except for tragedies apparently, since Maya refused to play Faust properly and let Claudine steal her soul, so I wouldn’t say she’s perfect yet.

And with this reveal, Maya changes out of her stage person outfit and puts on a white, feathered dress which resembles the large, feathery dress the Top Star Otokoyaku would wear at the curtain call of the Takarazuka Revue. Also the giant staircase is a reference to the Takarazuka Revue, but then again it’s Revue Starlight, so there are staircases everywhere and everything is a reference to the Takarazuka Revue.

If any of those terms were confusing to you, then you really ought to look it up on your own. I’ll do my best here, but literally everything here is second hand information, so take what I say with a grain of salt. So for starters, the Takarazuka Revue is the all-female Japanese Theater troupe that Revue Starlight both glorifies and critiques. Specifically their top star system. But if you’re a fan of this show, you’ll probably like the Takarazuka Revue as well, considering the similar themes and concepts. The franchise was literally inspired by it, after all. And while unfortunately I am completely unqualified to talk about it, there are some good youtube videos and blog posts about it if you’re interested.

Anyways, just understand that by dressing up as the Top Star here, Maya is playing the role of the ideal top star she will be in the future. And I do mean role, since this whole thing is just an act. Maya still doesn’t have her usual sword with the gem that reacts to the passion of a stage girl. Although in her current mindset, Maya really doesn’t see the difference between herself and the role, so I guess it’s fine?

Also I want to talk about how the scene with the staircase elevating Maya is eerily similar to that one shot from the Revue of Pride, showing how this widens the distance between Maya and Claudine, despite them being equally matched moments before. This is the difference between a stage girl at the next stage and a stage girl stuck in the past.

And at the top of the stage, Maya also says the lines that will become recurring in this Revue: “For Heroes, there are trials. For Saints, there are temptations. For me, there is a devil.”

So basically Maya is acknowledging that Claudine hasn’t stopped acting yet, and so she continues the play as well. But Maya has completely changed the play. It’s no longer a tragedy where a devil steals the protagonist’s soul, but a victory for the stage person by tricking the devil. And just like how heroes and saints overcome trials and temptations to achieve their fame, Maya will overcome Claudine to ascend to becoming the ultimate stage person, because Maya isn’t there yet. She knows that. Her giant bird is rough and unfinished, nothing like the smooth and golden soul Claudine stole at the beginning of the Revue.

The ultimate stage person is the next stage for Tendo Maya. Although it’s incomplete, it's where she wants to go, and beating Claudine so absolutely here might let her do it.

Act III is titled “Like an Awry Arrow Revealing the Imitation of God,” which feels fitting considering that whole god complex thing Maya has going on and Claudine using some Junna trademarked tactics in this fight to misdirect Maya by hiding in the dark.

Anyways, they fight for a bit, and the bird projects a light down onto them with the frame in the background, and you can still see the shadow of the bird looming in the background. Eventually we see what’s going on through the frame and its various plays where Maya plays the Hero and Claudine plays the villain.

And while Claudine manages to keep up with Maya, it still ends with Claudine losing.

It doesn’t really mean much considering Claudine is just playing along with Maya though. You can hear it in the song, when Claudine agrees that “For you, a Devil”, even though we know she’d actually want to sing “For you, a Rival,” like she does later in the Revue.

But right now, she’s playing her part as the designated loser, the second fiddle to the main character. Because in this version of the play, the ultimate stage person overcomes the devil by tricking him. Although she offered her soul, the stage person was empty, so the devil gets nothing. The Devil just couldn’t comprehend the Vessel of God.

And Claudine’s playing along with it. She’s even doing the exact same pose as the devil in Maya’s sketch from earlier, which is a little different from her pose in episode 2 in that Claudine is unarmed in the sketch and here, unlike in her earlier Revue where she never let go of her sword.

And that’s why the Devil loses when the Vessel of God shows the infinite multitudes of herself, and wow it is such a good looking scene. It’s just so smooth and don’t forget the character designs! They did not have to go this hard on a ten second clip, but they did, and I appreciate that.

So yeah, the Devil realizes he’s outmatched, a series of frames come at him from the empty vessel, and Maya cuts off the button as Claudine goes falling to the ground, along with the other empty works that Maya had discarded in the dark.

And Maya is disappointed.

She’s like, that’s it? And sure she’s never really celebrated winning before, but she was having so much fun just a few moments ago and now it’s over.

The reason Maya showed Claudine this vision of her future self was because she wanted Claudine to match her. Claudine has always been able to keep up with Maya, and Maya hoped that she could continue to do so as Maya went to her next stage, but it just didn’t work out.

But Maya will learn to live with it. After all, this Revue was supposed to be an end to them, so she’d have to go her separate ways with Claudine anyways, and who knows. Maybe Claudine will use this experience to grow on her own, and be even better the next time Maya sees her. A parting gift, basically.

But for now, it’s the end, and she’s on her own at the very top. So Maya claims position zero as she has so many times before.

But she can’t. The stage rejects her victory.

In a reversal of the scene where Maya was in the audience, now we have Maya confused and Claudine laughing, once again in the spotlight.

And it’s only at this point that Claudine stops acting. Her voice is back in her regular register and she talks like normal again.

Maya wonders what’s going on since she’s sure that she beat Claudine, and Claudine reveals she had a second button on her anyways, so the win didn’t matter.

She also reveals that the button was in her mouth the entire time, making me wonder how she managed to sing with that there.

And Maya gets mad at this. Actually mad.

As the top star, we rarely see Maya have an over the top reaction to anything, so this is kind of a first. She’s usually calm and collected and just goes along with everything. She didn’t even seem that down when she lost to Hikari and Karen.

But all despite that, we do actually see Maya getting angry exactly three times in Revue Starlight, and each time it’s kinda subtle.

The first time is in her Revue with Karen, when Karen thought she could challenge Maya for her position as Top Star without the proper resolve, and Maya beats Karen even harder than she was before for that insulting thought.

The second time is when Nana refuses to go all out in the auditions because she wants to be the Banana that everyone loves, and Maya is barely controlling herself when she tells Nana that she wouldn’t forgive her for that.

And the third time is in the Revue Starlight specials when Hikari plays Claire differently from how Maya would have done it, and instead of facing her frustrations with losing the top role, she criticizes Hikari’s performance. Although she isn’t very subtle about her by the end, and basically starts screaming once she realizes what she’s feeling and comes to terms with it. Plus she makes up with Hikari afterwards. But it’s really not great that Maya implies that it’s been so long since she was properly frustrated that she didn’t even recognize the emotion. In fact, Junna mentions she has never seen Maya that frustrated before, and gets genuinely surprised when Maya laughs. Although that may be because it seemed like Maya was laughing at Junna’s newest original quote. Maya has a really bad habit of laughing at the worst times, now that I think about it. Remember the thing from earlier with Claudine?

And while one of these is a lot pettier than the others, it is worth noting that everytime Maya got mad, it was because she thought her opponent wasn’t taking the stage seriously enough.

And right now Claudine just broke the laws of the stage.

And like sure, these Revues aren’t exactly following the same rules as the show. Mahiru cut Hikari’s button but continued Revue and Junna managed to go past Position Zero. Actually, now that I think about it, even in the show we had Karen getting up again after Hikari cut her clasp in the Revue of Astral Sins, so the laws of the stage are more suggestions at this point.

But Claudine and Maya aren’t them.

These two are the establishment. They are the embodiment of everything amazing and painful in the top star system. They are what Karen and Hikari needed to overcome in order to shine together in the show.

The two of them aren’t meant to subvert the Revues like this.

And technically Claudine didn't. After all, it’s not like Claudine’s a sore loser who won’t accept a loss. I mean she can be a sore loser who won’t accept a loss, but you know what I’m saying.

As Nana said, these aren’t auditions. They aren’t fighting over a single role that someone else can bestow upon them. This is for their own self satisfaction, and clearly Claudine isn’t satisfied with this ending.

Anyways, Claudine brings up the contract they signed where Claudine promised a brilliance that no one has ever seen in exchange for her soul, but the contract is discarded and in the dark, so you’d be forgiven for forgetting it. After all, it was just flavor text, right? That was part of the play, not this Revue between the two of them.

But without Maya’s knowledge, the two of them apparently agreed to change the final goal to the T on the contract instead of the normal position zero, so that’s the ending that this Revue has to honor.

It’s rather devilish of Claudine though, making a contract that tricks the signatory. There’s a reason you shouldn’t make a deal with the Devil, you won’t know the true cost until it’s too late.

And maybe Maya did forget it, but still, she showed her Vessel of God, the ultimate actress who could perform any lead. If anything, that should have been the never before seen brilliance. The Revue should be over. Maya should be satisfied.

But Maya isn’t an Empty Vessel of God. She’s human. That’s the advice that Claudine kept trying to tell everyone at the start of the movie. “Maya is just like them, don’t get intimidated.” And she’s not empty either. She’s full of Pride and Arrogance and Envy and Longing.

Pride and Arrogance is the name of the song that was performed in the Revue of Pride. Technically it’s a duet between her and Karen, but even then Maya completely dominated both the Revue and song, with Karen only getting like a couple lines in the beginning before getting drowned out and utterly defeated. It was the song where Maya sang about the difference between her and Karen, the difference that makes Maya a top star. Pride, the deadly sin, is the reason Maya is the top star. It’s how she got to where she was.

As for envy and longing, that was literally her motivation for the auditions. When Claudine asked Maya why she was in the auditions to become a top star when she was already a top star, her only reason for joining was because she didn’t want to see someone else become the top star. She is a jealous person and just the thought of that would make her go mad with envy. Again, one of the seven deadly sin pushed her to constantly compete to stay the Top Star and never rest on her laurels.

And like I said earlier, it was that conversation that got Claudine to realize that Maya was just super greedy. Another deadly sin. Can you really call someone like that an Empty Vessel of God?

So like Claudine says, Maya is just a greedy human.

Okay, so I know I sound a little pretentious by talking about sin and what it means, but that’s not my fault. Revue Starlight did it first. When Hikari traps herself in the eternal stage, she says it’s her punishment for her sin of trying to steal everyone’s brilliance. And then Karen responds that all of the stage girls sinned by aiming to be the top star as well. So by definition, it’s impossible to even be a stage girl without sinning.

Anyways I just thought that was a neat little aside, now let’s get back to watching Maya’s entire future fall apart right in front of her.

The Empty Vessel of God was just a goal for her, and Maya isn’t there yet. It’s the role she thinks she must perform. So Maya knows that Claudine is right when she says that Maya’s acting isn’t up to par for this role. Claudine is the one who’s been watching Maya the closest. She knows who Maya is, and Maya herself told Claudine half of these facts.

Before this Revue, backstage in the dressing room, Claudine said that she would to put an end to it with Maya and be reborn so she could stand on the next stage. But she’s taking that back now. Now she’ll be reborn to beat her rival into submission.

Claudine played along with whatever Maya was doing earlier, because that was part of the Revue. She wanted to act and perform on stage with Maya. But now that Claudine sees this warped worldview that Maya has for her future, she can’t just ignore that. She’d never forgive herself if she just let Maya ruin herself like this. And Claudine is nosy and always gives her opinion on what someone ought to do, like with Junna and Futaba at the start of the movie, even when it’s not asked for. Especially when it’s not asked for, in Kaoruko’s case.

She knows she has to get Maya down the right path to be a top star, and unlike Maya, Claudine doesn’t just expect others to be inspired by her and try to match her. She reaches out her hand and pulls them up along with her.

So Claudine chooses to be reborn just to beat Maya so thoroughly that it will bring her down to earth the same way Maya did for her back in the entrance exam. It’s what Maya needs.

And who cares about the next stage? It doesn’t matter right now. For Claudine, it’s only the two of them.

So Claudine kills herself and is reborn.

She reappears at the top of the stairs, out of the costume and in her usual Revue outfit, so we know for sure that she’s no longer acting. She also manages to make a mockery of Maya’s ideals by parodying Maya’s Revue Introduction for her own Revue Introduction. Actually, with the elevated starting position and the bird imagery in the background, even her entrance is a parody of Maya.

But despite that, she is unabashedly herself right now. She still states her ideals and goals for this upcoming Revue, to have her brilliance show Maya something she has never seen before. She made that introduction into her own. She has her regular weapon again and she stopped acting entirely. She physically destroys the Vessel of God, which is kind of unnecessary when you consider how thoroughly she disproved its existence earlier.

And if we take Claudine’s lyrics as fact, that right now, the stage belongs to her, then that means Claudine being herself managed to shine brighter than Maya being the perfect lead, proving Maya’s whole plan for her next stage to be completely and utterly useless.

So after such a thorough rebuttal, Maya has no reason to play the role of the perfect top star anymore, and as such also disappears, letting her costume and her button fall, just like Claudine from earlier, so she too can be reborn.

Maya accepts Claudine’s challenge to beat her into submission, not that she thinks it’s going to happen, and reappears rising from the stage where they held their play, which is opposite to the stage with the giant staircase. And before she rises, the painting of the button from before falls, essentially balancing out Maya’s win from before by getting Claudine to drop one of Maya’s buttons. Well, sort of. Plus the pictures of her history of victories over Claudine disappear as well, so basically the two of them are restarting this Revue with a clean slate.

Now in the Revue of Pride, Maya descends on a swan during her Revue Introduction. In the Revue of Fate, Maya and Claudine appeared on top of Tokyo Tower before doing their Revue Introductions. This is because Maya has always been the favorite to win, the closest to reaching the top, but for the first time, she’s the underdog who has to rise to get to the stage. She has to meet Claudine’s challenge for once.

So just like Claudine, Maya also parodies Claudine’s usual introduction and ideals, while making it her own. She plans to show Claudine the difference between them once and for all, just like before, but now she’s not going to act as if she’s been enlightened. It’s pure arrogance at this point. And I guess to mirror Claudine stealing Maya’s imagery, Maya has those sun rays coming from her head which bring to mind King Louis IV, the Sun King of France. It’s a bit of a stretch, but I think it works. There’s also the Cold Sparklers on the stage since Claudine is kinda associated with fire, like the burning passion Claudine mentions in her Revue introduction. It feels like a stretch though.

But it’s kinda important that their Revue Introductions, the thing that is supposed to be all about the performer, is being used to mock each other. That Revue introduction is supposed to be everything they stand for, everything they want from this Revue, and like sure they still do that, but now their introductions are literally barbs and personal attacks on each other. They’re already fighting before the Revue even properly begins. Their only goal here is to fight each other, anything else is an afterthought.

And that includes their positions too! Neither Maya nor Claudine introduce themselves with their head or as 2nd rank here like they usually do. They’ve thrown all that out as well. Their past doesn't matter here. It’s just Maya and Claudine of the 99th class.

Honestly I love this berserker mindset that the two of them have going on for each other right now. Literally the only thing on their mind is beating each other. It’s so unhinged and I am loving it.

Anyways, once Maya appears from the ground, you can hear orchestral notes from Pride and Arrogance with each of her arm movements, signaling that Maya has given up on being that ideal empty vessel and is now performing like her usual self again. And now that Claudine and Maya have gotten rid of all pretenses, the title of the Revue shows up.

Their Revue has finally started.

The stage is reconstructed and merged, with the roses and crosses from the play mixing with the obelisks and the stairs from Maya’s Vessel of God set. It also marks the start of Act IV, “We, together.” And wow is that title fitting.

The music slows for a bit, with the only movement being the wind that blows through their clothes and hair. If that imagery sounds familiar, that’s because this is a callback to the Revue of Annihilation. Only instead of Maya and Claudine being out of sync again, now they charge at each other in time with the music.

Also I like the little detail of how they have to fall down from their platform and rise up again to meet each other in the middle. It feels symbolic.

Anyways, while locking swords, Claudine brings up how Maya dropped her facade and is her usual self again, and Maya takes offense to her glee because she kind of hates this usual self since it doesn’t fall in line with her image of the ideal top star, calling it emotional and ugly. But Claudine is kinda into it. She wants to see more. The audience wants to see more. After all, we don’t like Tendo Maya because she’s the perfect top star, I mean we do, but we also like her because she’s an overdramatic dork.

Although I’m guessing the audience Claudine is actually referring to is their friends who have been watching this entire thing, if you recall from earlier. And yeah, they like Maya too. They don’t want Maya to force herself to be someone she’s not. They want her to be herself around them.

Then again, Revue Starlight operates on Schrödinger's Fourth Wall, so who knows which one Claudine is actually talking about. Maybe she’s talking about the faceless masses that Maya has always been trying to impress. I literally could not tell you.

But you know what, Claudine especially likes this Maya, saying the desperate and emotional Maya is the cutest she’s ever been, since Maya usually represses these feelings.

The cute thing is a callback to when they lost against Karen and Hikari in the Revue of Fate, when Maya told Claudine that she was cute when she cried. Claudine was so invested in the stage and in their victory that she was overcome with emotion when they couldn’t make it, and Maya likes that. She likes Claudine when she gives her all to the stage. And now Maya sees that Claudine likes Maya when she does the same.

Either that or Maya meant that Claudine is cute no matter what she does, even if she isn’t measuring up to the unreasonable high expectations that Claudine set for herself to match Maya, which is why she doesn’t have to keep proving herself to Maya. But in that case, Maya also doesn’t need to try and be some unreachable lead for Claudine, she just needs to be Maya.

So Maya responds in the most Tendo Maya way ever by stating that she’s always cute, because she’s always given her all to the stage, but it’s still good to see her proudly reclaim that with pride and arrogance. And she’s no longer mad at getting exposed, just thrilled again to be able to perform with Claudine.

Anyways, while fighting, the two of them literally do nothing but sing about each other. They use their opponent’s name as puns in the song, they talk about how they only need to look at each other forever, you get the gist. But what’s interesting about this fight is that the stage isn’t responding to them. They maneuver around by swinging on ropes they cut off. The momentum of landing causes Maya to get thrown off her platform, and the smoke cloud that ensues when it falls blinds Claudine from one of Maya’s attacks. Their attacks kick up the ornately placed rose petals and send them everywhere, and the stage rising literally tosses them flying in the air.

The stage is literally breaking apart as they fight, which has never been an issue for them before. Only minutes before, Claudine got the stage to make devil cutouts that she could hide in and Maya got the frames to fall and attack Claudine. The stage responds to the passion of a stage girl, but right now it’s getting in the way because they don’t need the stage. They’ve gone past it even. They just need each other, they are their own stage at this point.

Anyways, while falling, Maya grabs onto Claudine’s cloak and complains about how if it wasn’t for her, Maya wouldn’t be exposed as a fraud. Remember, Maya’s philosophy as a top star is to be someone who inspires others to try and be like her. But that really doesn’t hold up if we see that Maya herself doesn’t even act like that, so there’s really no reason for anyone to try to emulate that in the first place. But if you look at her face, you can tell Maya doesn’t really mind. If anyone was going to expose her, she’s glad it was Claudine.

And Claudine grabs her cloak in return and agrees that only she could do this. After all, the two of them are special to each other.

They said as much in their Revue against Karen and Hikari, when the two of them took a break from fighting so they could stare longingly in each other's eyes and confess that they understand each other instinctually and only they can keep up with each other.

While falling, Maya resolves to expose her everything on stage, a complete 180 from her position only a few minutes ago, and Claudine tells her that she has a partner who she can expose everything to on the stage, namely herself. This is mirrored in the song, where Maya says basically the same thing and Claudine promises to accept it, be it ugly or beautiful. Oftentimes the song has the singer's true feelings, which can sometimes contradict the words that the person says on stage, but not this time. The two of them have resolved to be completely true to each other, and aren’t hiding their real thoughts out of shame or insecurities anymore.

And what are their true thoughts?

They want to cross swords forever. They love the stage and they can’t part from it. It makes them pathetic clowns in Maya’s eyes, but it’s fine for Claudine since they’ll have each other as Rivals as long as they stand on stage together.

And that’s great for both of them. Their competition makes each other better. They’ve always known that. Back in their dressing room, Claudine was worried she stagnated because she was satisfied with just being Maya’s equal. But now she sees that as long as she continues to compete with Maya, she can still grow as a stage girl without decaying or dying.

Actually, the only reason she was dying as a stage girl was because she thought she didn’t have anything to prove, but here’s someone who will constantly ask her to put her best self forward over and over again as they push each other higher and higher.

Actually, going back to when Maya comforted Claudine after their loss, Maya says the same thing she said in this Revue, that she can only go higher if Claudine is there. Meanwhile Claudine says that Maya makes her more beautiful, a direct contrast to how Maya claimed her emotional self was ugly before. In the song, when Maya talks about exposing herself, Claudine says it could be ugly or beautiful, but clearly she thinks that it will be beautiful in the end.

Also, you see that orange glow that’s starting to get brighter in that little window at the stage? That’s the start of the fire that will consume the set by the end of the Revue, and it only grows when Claudine mentions her beauty.

The two of them take a moment to call each other by their first names instead of their full names like they always do because they’re extra. This is probably a reference to “Ma Maya” and “Ma Claudine”, but I guess they thought the tenderness would feel a little out of place in this climactic showdown. Personally I think they’re wrong, but I’ll give them a pass because everything else has just been so perfect.

The two of them repeat the refrain from earlier, about how heroes have trials, saints have temptations, but they change the last line to “For me, there is you!” They’ve divorced the line from any roles, now it’s just them.

Although in the song, Claudine sings that “For each of us two, a rival”, not exactly cutting out the roles from before, but keep in mind Claudine always saw herself as a rival to Maya, it wasn’t just a role to her. But it also has a greater meaning in the larger scope of the movie, since Hikari and Karen eventually also become rivals and have this relationship, so it’s a bit more universal when Claudine says rivals instead of you. Then again the next line of the song is the two of them agreeing that their rival is each other, so it doesn’t really matter too much.

So basically, Claudine got Maya to admit that she should expose everything on stage and give up on being an empty vessel, as well as getting Maya to admit that Claudine was her rival. I mean we already knew that second thing, but still.

So by showing Maya a brilliance she had never seen before, that being the two of them pushing each other by being themselves, Claudine has completely outshone Maya’s ideal top star that could play any lead. She fulfilled the promise she made for Maya’s soul, so she can claim the Position Zero that the two of them set on that contract from before instead of bothering with the Position Zero given to them by the stage.

And Maya agrees. Once Claudine strikes the finishing blow, we see a frame around Claudine. Now earlier, when Maya had the frames, it displayed one of the infinite multitudes of herself that she could play in a production. But Claudine isn’t playing anyone. She is unashamedly herself, and Maya thinks she’s beautiful. Claudine is far more compelling that that empty top star that Maya tried to be.

Also, I want to bring up what the frames mean. The frames showcase the works they have made as stage girls, be it their plays, hard work, or promises. And Claudine couldn’t get here on her own. Her radiance is a direct result of their rivalry. So Claudine herself is one of Maya’s works, just like how Maya is a product of Claudine. They molded each other that deeply.

And immediately after saying that Claudine is beautiful, the stage gets set on fire, which is fine since it kept getting in their way anyways. The fire also melts away any traces of the giant mechanical bird.

✨Symbolism✨

Okay but actually the fire is a reference to what the giraffe told Hikari right before this Revue, of how he was the fuel to be set alight by the passion of stage girls. As he said, stage girls are dangerous, but it’s because of that danger that they are so beautiful, just like what Maya sees in Claudine. And that beauty/danger was so much that it burned down the stage, I guess. I don’t think that’ll hold up if you go to court for arson, but what do I know?

But actually, this burning down of the stage may have been foreshadowed long ago.

Back in episode 3, after beating Karen in the Revue of Pride, Maya tells her that there is only one star that shines at the top. But then it cuts to the aftermath of Claudine and Futaba’s revue, where Claudine helps her opponent up, and Maya trails off in the voice over, saying “However, the flames of her passion…”

Maya had firm ideals about what a top star should be, namely alone, but even at the start of the series, Maya knew that the flames of Claudine’s passion could overwhelm that. Admittedly it was Karen and Hikari who actually proved her wrong in episode 10, but Claudine is the one who actually changes Maya’s perspective on how she should be a star here.

And change she did. After her loss, you can actually see a couple tears in Maya’s eyes! Maya didn’t even do that when she and Claudine lost! And she clearly had strong feelings about losing, even if it was hard for her to understand at the time, at least that's what she said in the specials.

And even though she isn’t full on bawling Claudine did for her, she’s letting herself be more open, and that’s a start. She’s letting herself go through the emotions that the stage brings out in her.

Although there’s really not much of a stage left, considering everything got burnt down and destroyed.

Anyways, Claudine takes this as a moment to gloat about winning the bet, because yeah, she did. She’s been waiting for this moment for years now. That has to feel good.

But Maya pulls a page out of Claudine’s book and says she hasn’t lost yet, this was one of the rounds. That the two of them will continue to challenge each other over and over again for the rest of their days until their contest is over.

And that contest isn’t ending anytime soon, since as Claudine says, the Revue of Rivals doesn’t end for all eternity. Which is a big departure from what the two of them decided backstage, that they would put an end to it.

Although neither of them mind, considering they look pretty self satisfied laying on the ground.

Anyways, we get a shot of the two of them holding hands over the Position Zero on the contract they made, which is probably a call back to when Karen and Hikari were in basically the same position after their final Revue in the Show.

In that scene, there was nothing but the stage, their promise, and each other. And they made it work, despite all the bumps along the way. And just like them, Maya and Claudine also make a promise, to keep performing their Revue of Rivals that never ends. Sure they might be able to stand on the same stage anymore, considering their different troupes, but they’re still connected, just like Karen and Hikari were for all those years when Hikari was in London.

Funnily enough that’s not the only thing they steal from Karen and Hikari. Even the way they hold hands over their Position Zero is a reference! Normally, in the play Starlight, Claire holds out her hand, but grasps nothing but air because Flora was blinded and fell off the tower. But in Karen and Hikari’s rewritten Starlight, their promise is kept and Claire and Flora can hold onto each other (and the stars they were longing for) using the same odd grip that Maya and Claudine use to hold onto each other.

After seeing so many pairs of stage girls agree to meet again after they part, we are finally seeing a pair who agreed to part but still got to keep their promise to reach the stars together, a pair who will still be connected no matter the distance.

It’s kind of hopeful in a way for all the other pairs who separated actually. Maya and Claudine are at the final step of the journey each of them will be taking in the future, and we can see that they’ll be connected in spirit as rivals. So that means Futaba will eventually make her way back to Kaoruko after proving herself. Mahiru will continue loving the stage and her brilliant self, as well as be Hikari’s rival. Junna and Nana will meet each other on the same stage in due time. And neither Karen nor Hikari will lose themselves in the other in the end.

Anyways, they also say we are the flames that fall together while burning, which is probably a reference to the giraffe from earlier, since he was also falling and on fire. But when he did that, he talked about his role, which was to light the stage, which I guess could corroborate what I said earlier on how Maya and Claudine are a hopeful future for everyone else.

And yeah, that’s where we leave them. Sure, we get the shot of everyone tossing their capes off at the end, but this is where the two of them end their story together. Well, not actually, but you know what I mean. From here on we’re going to see them as individuals.

We see that Maya got into New National, along with Futaba and Mahiru. It’s also nice that Maya isn’t alone in her next stage, a reversal from all her talk about how a top star needs to stand alone from before, but then again she hasn’t been peddling that nonsense much in this movie. But all of them seem excited to invite Hikari to their next performance, so hopefully it’s all going well with them there.

And then we see Claudine, who it looks like is working at a coffee shop in Paris alongside acting at Theatre du Flamme, the troupe that scouted her. Anyways, she promises to visit Hikari next time, which I guess she can do by just crossing the English Channel. Plus she also has that little chick in her window, probably to remind her of Maya.

Honestly this one probably was my favorite Revue when I first watched the movie. I mean it actually had a kinda happy ending instead of a bittersweet one, so that definitely scored some points in my book.

But even now I just think it’s so good. Like I didn’t even realize that Maya had been repressing herself throughout the show. Like Maya literally said she would go mad with jealousy if she saw someone else be the top star, but she took that loss way better than Claudine. Obviously she wasn’t ok with that. And sure we see her actually lose her temper about it in one of the specials, but I’m going to guess a good chunk of viewers didn’t even know they exist. Seriously, watch the specials. We actually get to see Hikari bonding with her classmates, it’s beautiful. But this Revue feels it completed a character arc I didn’t even know was going on but makes total sense in hindsight! Plus seeing Claudine in non feral mode actually helped me understand her character in the show a lot more beyond her relationship with Maya. Somehow, everything in this movie feels like it was handcrafted just to make me appreciate the show more!

And it just feels like everything a Revue should be about. Like they always called it performing, but this is the first time we actually see a Revue as a play with actors. But then their personalities and struggles slowly start to bleed through the role until they’re showing their true selves on stage and are desperately trying to one up each other.

Don’t get me wrong, every single Revue did that in the movie. You can see everyone get more desperate and unhinged as the Revues get closer to the end, but it just feels the most drastic with these two since they go from 0 to 100 real fast, unlike everyone else who you can clearly tell are worrying about something from the very start.

So yeah, good Revue. Honestly I think I should get a rival myself now. I feel like I’m missing out here.

And now here’s some more thoughts I either didn’t think of earlier or just didn’t want to completely derail the deep dive for:

Maya on the train mirrors the man in the poster that talks about how to act.

This feels kind of on the nose since Maya is the only one who isn’t defeated by Nana, so the rest of the stage girls need to learn how to act from Maya, since she’s the only good example at that point. It’s also her philosophy as a Top Star, that she shows others how to act as a top star and hopes they try and act like she herself did, by giving their all on stage.

I also think it’s funny how perturbed Maya is here when Mahiru would rather take a look at Futaba’s phone about the play they’re gonna see rather than her very interesting infodump about how cool New National is. Like despite acting all cool and detached, Maya can not stand not having the attention be on her, just like Claudine.

So I was recently told that when Nana is fighting each of the stage girls, the lyrics actually reflect a failing of each of the specific stage girls. I kind of missed that last time, my bad, but I do know now so I can talk about it a little.

Anyways, while the train goes back into the tunnel, Nana addresses the beautiful mademoiselle, and asks if there is wildness inside of her. Now by context, it sounds like she’s addressing Maya, because Maya tries to hide all those kinds of feelings and wildness. But the word beautiful will only be used to describe Claudine in their upcoming Revue, and mademoiselle also feels like it’s referring to the French Claudine.

And in a way, Claudine was hiding her wildness as well. I’ve been referring to her drive to beat Maya as feral, and apparently Nana agrees. She hasn’t been going all out recently because she’s been satisfied, and she’s been keeping that wildness dormant.

Although then in the next line, Nana says that the ones who will survive to the end will be:, and Maya is the only one who does survive to the end. After all, Maya is the only one ready for Wi(l)d-Screen Baroque, which basically means the next stage, so maybe she was referring to both of them in that middle line?

Nana was kinda on the backfoot when Claudine and Maya worked together. Like don’t get me wrong, she was clearly dancing around them easily, but it’s still worth noticing that she would block their blades when they attacked her individually, just like everyone else, but had to dodge when they attacked together. And in the end, Nana defeated Claudine because she attacked her without Maya.

Okay so at the Seisho Kick Off Party, usually there is a line from the script that someone else says while one of the major characters in frame, and it’s usually thematically relevant to their upcoming Revue. Only for Claudine, she is the one reading it, and Maya does not have a line for herself. But technically, the line Claudine says is for Maya. After reading it, Claudine looks elsewhere from her script, and while it seems like Claudine is taking a look at the Starlight Tower that Class B just put up, we later see her watching Maya perform.

So yeah, this is Claudine subconsciously realizing that she needs to get Maya down from the tower, she needs to bring her to earth, make her no longer the top star, but just Tendo Maya.

Okay so in their game of animal shoji when Claudine checks Maya, Maya is more concerned about the chick. And then Claudine teases her for not actually playing the game properly, and Maya makes an excuse that she feels sorry for the chick, which is why she noticed that first. It’s dumb, but it’s actually true.

So when actually Claudine beats Maya, it’s using only chicks because Maya can’t bring herself to take any of them. Maya really does have a soft spot for the birds she’s associated with.

Anyways, I’m going to take this funny little scene and use it to gush about how this is a microcosm of their upcoming Revue.

So basically, Claudine is constantly adapting in her pursuit to surpass Maya. She’s taking in new information all the time, and using that specifically so she can beat Maya in the game. This ties into the whole being reborn thing as many times as she needs to to beat Maya. Funnily enough, Maya repeats that she’ll win both the next game and the next Revue after Claudine beats her at both.

But it also kinda shows that Claudine is a much better strategist than Maya, which leads me to the question, was all this planned?

Like we’ve established that Claudine probably knows Maya better than Maya herself at this point, so Claudine might have known what she had to do coming into this Revue, which was to beat Maya so badly she had to completely reconsider her philosophy as a stage girl. I know I made her decision to be reborn to beat Maya sound kind of spontaneous in the main essay, and I stand by that because we do see her genuinely surprised a couple of times, but there’s an argument to be made that Claudine planned this super far ahead.

Like, she got the second button during that gambling scene with Kaoruko, but what was she initially planning to do with that? She tricked Maya into signing a contract so that the Revue wouldn’t end even if Maya beat her once. She continues to play along and act as the devil even after Maya breaks character. So was what she said backstage, about being reborn by ending it here, also just misdirection to lull Maya into a false sense of security? A ploy to create a sense of urgency and get Maya to finally reveal her hand, the Empty Vessel of God, just so Claudine could utterly demolish the idea?

But like none of that is very Claudine behavior. She’s always been direct and straightforward, so it doesn’t really make sense. So maybe they were just contingency plans? I mean sure she wants to win, but she’s never been underhanded about it before.

So maybe? Maybe not? Who knows?

She’s a really good actress, and it doesn’t really change the end result.

I think it’s funny that Maya is displaying her amazing stage talent with a bunch of framed paintings when canonically she just sucks so much at art. She absolutely hates it. The Revue Starlight 4-koma has 3 jokes that it keeps repeating about Maya, and one of them is how terrible of an artist she is. Painting is on her dislike profile. But here she is acting like that weakness doesn’t exist, another sign that she’s forcing herself to be someone she’s not.

Junna had to fight for her life to avoid dying as a stage girl, and here we have Claudine doing the exact same thing Nana was trying to get Junna to do and being reborn instantaneously. 

Junna is fuming in the audience for sure right now.

I am obsessed with their Revue introductions in this movie. I really wanted to go more in depth in the actual essay, but in order to not completely kill the pacing I’m moving it here so I can scream about it and no one can stop me.

Okay, so first off we get Claudine calling out Maya’s usual introduction with the shine of the moon and love of the star, because literally what the fuck does that mean. Like is Maya actually comparing her own brilliance to actual celestial bodies? They don’t actually mean anything. The thought is just as empty as that lead Maya was trying to portray. Anyways, she throws all that out in favor of her own light, the burning passion from her original intro, and promises to bash it into Maya’s heart, which is much more violent that Maya’s promise to send it. And then she takes Maya’s usual thing of showing her brilliance, but changes it to my brilliance will show you, because that’s the goal she set for this Revue.

Meanwhile, Maya kind of completely got rid of her earlier philosophy and is no longer trying to act like an otherworldly being. That’s why almost none of her new intro is like her old one, because none of that would fly with Claudine anymore. Instead she makes fun of Claudine’s bravado and pretentiousness. I mean seriously, talking about freedom and equality and love, who does she think she is, the French Revolution? She’s just as savage and pathetic as the rest of them. Instead, Maya details her own accomplishments, as the best and brightest, but in a much more narcissistic way than before. And while Claudine would have confidently stated that she was the star (in French), Maya makes it her own not only claiming to be the star, but mentioning the distance between them as no matter how high Claudine soars, it’s basically the abyss for Maya.

The disrespect! The incisiveness! The rage! They want to punch each other in the face soooo bad, I love it.

Okay but what the fuck is up with the roses? Was that supposed to be a Rose of Versailles reference? I legitimately have no idea, but it feels important considering there were roses in the background of Claudine being beautiful? I mean the only other things in that scene when Claudine beat Maya were themselves and the frames, so it feels important that the roses were there too. Is it really just for the aesthetic? I feel like I’m missing something here.

Also, can I just say we were robbed of never seeing Maya and Claudine have an actual Revue in the show. Like these were the two best performers in their class! I wanted to see what happened! It was probably amazing! Don’t get me wrong, them working together was awesome too, but I wanted more.

Although it is funny that apparently the two of them destroyed the stage even back then. Like this was not a one time thing. Literally every time they fight they cause complete and absolute destruction, and that’s amazing. Also probably a metaphor, but I don’t feel like thinking about that too hard right now.

And I know I’ve never really been that objective in these Deep Dives, but can I just say how happy I am that Claudine got her win against Maya here? Like she never really got her chance to shine in any Revues in the show, but you could see just how hard she worked and how badly she wanted to win, and she finally did it. And it was glorious. It was everything I ever wanted for the two of them.

This movie is just so good.

[asordinaryppl]

A3! Main Story: Part 4 - Act 15: PAINFUL RE:BAKE - Episode 19: Taichi Nanao, the Actor

Issei: This is the first time we get to talk one-on-one like this, isn’t it?

Taichi: I-It’s a pleasure!

Issei: I’ve heard about what kind of actor you are from Tenma, but as the president, I’d like to also hear it from you.

Taichi: U-Understood!

Issei: I heard that you started out as a child actor, right?

Taichi: Y-Yes!

Taichi: But nothing ever came of it, and I was only ever an extra… And then, I was an ensemble member for GOD-za.

Taichi: A-And, and then…

Issei: You don’t have to be so nervous.

Taichi: I-I’m sorry!

Issei: You’ve appeared in a leading role numerous times since transferring to MANKAI Company, so it’s safe to say you’ve been focusing on stage productions as of late.

Issei: Could you tell me the reason why you decided to take up film acting again?

Issei: And why did you completely disappear from the film industry in the first place…?

Taichi: I… was on the same show as Ten-chan once, and I was overwhelmed by his presence and acting abilities…

Taichi: I thought that no matter how hard I tried, I would never become anything like him, and ran away from the film industry.

Taichi: I turned to the world of theater, but I failed there too, and then I met Ten-chan again.

Taichi: I did have a bit of an inferiority complex at first, but as I continued working in this theater company, I grew more and more confident as an actor…

Taichi: And now, Ten-chan has finally begun to acknowledge me as his rival.

Taichi: I was so happy when he called me his rival…

Issei: I see…

Taichi: Now, in preparation for the New Fleur Award, everyone in the Autumn Troupe has decided to take on challenges that will help us break out of our shells.

Taichi: I was able to get over my failure with my old theater company on stage, so now I want to get over my failure as a film actor as well…

Issei: Are you referring to “Stray Devil Blues”? I watched footage of it after Tenma told me to.

Taichi: Wh– really!?

Issei: He told me it was a must-watch if I wanted to understand you as an actor. He made me pick up a few others as well.

Taichi: (Ten-chan…! Thanks…!)

Issei: So this is you giving a second go at what you did as a child.

Taichi: Yes.

Issei: But still, picking this role when you’ve got so much on your plate already… You’ve got courage.

Issei: It’s a special one-shot drama, but you’ll be playing the role of a young man who’s lost his voice due to shock.

Issei: You were given a lot of offers, I’m quite impressed that you picked this complex role.

Taichi: The only weapon I have as someone who doesn’t really stand out is the wide range of skills I’ve gained through my life.

Taichi: I’ve always been concerned with what people think of me, with how to get their attention, and how to attract them…

Taichi: I think that’s made me really good at expressing small details like gestures and gazes.

Taichi: And I've been jealous of so many of my co-stars, but thanks to that I’ve managed to steal all sorts of things by watching them.

Taichi: I want to be an actor capable of utilizing all those skills, so I can carefully respond to my co-stars’ acting in my own subtle style.

Issei: When I saw the videos Tenma gave me, I thought you had a different charm than he does… I’m sure you can become the kind of actor you aspire to.

Taichi: Thank you very much! Hearing you say that gives me a great deal of confidence!

Issei: Tenma not only told me about you as a fellow actor, but also about you as a friend of his who went to the same high school and university.

Issei: I made Tenma apply to a regular high school because I believed that interacting with other people his age would be beneficial for his acting.

Issei: I wanted him to interact with people his age and to be inspired by them. In other words, I suppose, I wanted him to find a rival.

Issei: He’s been working with adults all his life, you see. Well, that was just my selfishness as his parent.

Issei: I’m grateful to you for giving him what I wanted him to find. I’ll be rooting for you as you take on your challenge.

Taichi: I will definitely live up to your expectations, Mr. President!!

Issei: I’m sure. But, calling me Mr. President is a little too much…

Taichi: Got it, Sumeragi-san!!

Issei: Yeah, do your best.

[Door knocking]

Igawa: Excuse me.

Issei: We were just wrapping up the interview.

Igawa: Good work today.

Igawa: Taichi-san, let’s do our best on your filming starting tomorrow.

Taichi: Yes!

-

Tenma: “Your voice…?”

Taichi: “...”

Tenma: Stay conscious of the camera here– I think this angle will capture your face better.

Taichi: I see.

Tenma: Get out there and break a leg, not only as a member of MANKAI Company’s Autumn Troupe, but as an actor under Sumeragi Agency.

Taichi: Hehe, I’m so happy to be part of Sumeragi Agency. I’ll put my all into this!

Tenma: How did your interview with my father go?

Taichi: It went by smoothly thanks to you.

Taichi: I’m really happy that you promoted me in so many ways! Thanks!

Tenma: I didn’t do much. I just made Taichi Nanao, the actor, easy to understand.

Taichi: For real now, I look forward to working with you, both as friends and rivals.

Tenma: Yeah.

Taichi: We’ll also be working under the same agency.

Tenma: I’m your senior there, though.

Taichi: Ahaha, Ten-chan-senpai!

Taichi: Better prepare yourself, Ten-chan. I’ll make sure to keep you on your toes, so you’ll never be embarrassed of having me as your rival. 

Tenma: I’ll be looking forward to it.

Tenma: … Oh, yeah. If I can work it in my schedule, I’ll come watch as you wrap up filming.

Taichi: Huh!? That’ll make me real nervous, y’know~!

Tenma: Where did all that confidence from earlier go?

Taichi: This is this, and that is that~!

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[oh-my-may]

Hey there

Hi, this is my reintroduction to tumblr (kinda).

I go by May on the internet, it's some weird nickname I made of my real name and goes back to my first gamer tag on minecraft...

I'm currently 22 years of age, which sometimes makes me feel incredibly old on the internet? At the same time I seem to come across many other people my age who go through very similar struggles as me lol

I curretnly work fulltime as a waitress. I'm European so I get paid a proper wage there, and the work with my coworkers is very fun and comforting. I'm not always the biggest fan of other people, but being a people pleaser and having the ability to hide my true personality behind a "nice" facade makes my job possible and bearable. (jk aside, I really like my job)

Hobbies include:

reading (I always say that, but I barely ever pick up a book. Just spent most of my early teen years absolutely ramming through a shit ton of books. I still really enjoy reading, but I barely find the time to do it. My tbr list is endless)

gaming (I'll dip my toes into anything that's not an ego-shooter, my PS5 is one of my most treasured possessions)

watching movies (last year I dragges either my sister or one of my friends to the theaters at least once a month. Doesn't mean I'm a movie critic or anything, but I really like watching movies and I might just share some takes on it on here)

anime (just a select few, the most famous ones. Life's busy when you have a fulltime job and still have other hobbies, but I'm currently on my first watchthrough of One Piece! Will definitely post about this from time to time)

listening to music (realizing I have very basic hobbies bc my parents never urged me to pursue anything specific when I was a child, but anyway: I will listen to almost a bit of anything, but Taylor Swift and Ghost were amongst my most streamed artists on Spotify last year. Do with that info what you will)

writing. I did start with writing fanfiction, first harry potter, then boybands, then kpop, then anime. Most important to me was always my original idea though. I know many people have things like this. A few years ago I thought I'd actually go with trying to publish something. Now I have revised and rethought the whole thing. I barely write, but it's still in the back of my head all the damn time. I always think about writing, but doing the actual thing rn seems impossible.

As I'm writing this I realize how pathetic I feel doing this, beacuse I have this awful feeling no one is gonna respond and I'll end up regretting this so much that I'll delete it. Thank God the internet gives me the opportunity to be anonymous.

Anyway, the previously mentioned hobbies lead to my (current) interests that I'll most likely post about, so if you're into one or more of these things as well, let's chat!

in terms of games: Currently playing through Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth and generally FF7 is probably a huge hyperfixation of mine and has been for years. I've just arrived in Gongaga on my playthrough and I'm loving all of it. The game caters to all the expectations and interests I have in games. It's just so insanely beautiful and makes me tear up every couple hours idk

on this note I'd like to mention that I dipped my toes into FF14 but since I only play on Playstaion now, all the commands are overwhelming to me. I'm definitely planning on playing FF15 and FF16

Kinda cringe but I swear I'm normal: Genshin Impact. Have been playing since early 2021, once had a pretty unhealthy relationship to this game, but I was mentally not doing well during that time. Having a fulltime job changed my perspective on the game. Now I'm a casual enjoyer bc I love the open world and characters, and I love to get into the lore, so I might post a few theories and stuff on here

On that note: Honkai Star Rail. Same company, but it took me way longer to get into the game. Really enjoying it now though, although I am struggling with a bunch of battles. Save to say, I am NOT playing the game for the meta lol

One Piece! As mentioned, I started my watch of it last year in summer just before the Netflix live action came out (work bestie talked me into it). I'm quite literally at episode 500 rn. Had to stop for a while at around Thriller Bark bc the first few episodes didn't quite do it for me. Now I try to watch a few episodes before sleep everyday :)

Other anime that I am different levels of unhinged about: Jujutsu Kaisen, Attack on Titan, Bungou Stray Dogs, Demon Slayer. The basics, I know. Just don't have the time to watch a lot while other life stuff happens, you know. OP is the main thing rn, and until I am kinda up-to-date with that, everything else will have to wait lol

In terms of book stuff I must admit I keep going back to communities and fandoms I was a part of when I was a teen lol. This largely refers to stuff like Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugho, The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater and All for the Game by Nora Sakavic

Right now though I am more interested in reading some classics and other stuff. Read Britney Spears' biography last year (within the span of one day, I wanna add), currently I'm reading a chapter of Crime and Punishment once in a blue moon. I'd like to read more stuff like that in the future, but everything at it's time ig

Other fictional universes I was once quite unhinged about: Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings. Both communities are kinda dead atm though. I'm still in the process of reading the books (which means I last picked them up over a year ago. But believe me, I'll get there, eventually.... someday)

In terms of music as I said I listen to almost anything. Not a lot of rap and techno, though. I like stuff with lyrics I can sing along to and feel deep within my bones. I wouldn't call myself a "fan" of any particular artist, I was very unhinged about musicians as a teen and I have learned my lesson. Now I just listen to the music without caring too much about the artist themselves. I used to really like 5 Seconds of Summer as a teen, then I moved to Kpop. Now I barely keep up with either but just listen to the stuff I did back then

I think that's basically it for now? The most important parts about myself. Stuff I like to talk about, so if you like some of this too, maybe come talk to me? I wanna get to know people here after all, and I have learned this is probably the best way to start.

I don't have many conditions for friends tbh. I'm 22, so anything between like 19 and 26 or so is fine as long as the vibes are good :) I don't care about genders and all that, personally going by she/her. I'm a Taurus, in case someone wants to know. Last time i took the test I was an infp-t (still think it's pretty accurate but it's been a few years nd I heard that test isn't as accurate? idk)

Other things you should maybe know is that English is not my native language, so excuse any mistakes you might come across lol. I dropped out of university. My profile picture kinda captures my most basic features.

Anyway, feel free to hit me up, I love talking to people on the internet and I really look forward to this reinvention of my account here and actually talking about my interests and reposting stuff I like :)

If you have any questions, just ask!

Until then,

May

[hollowsart]

Somehow, trying to redesign Batman rogues is way more difficult than redesigning Spiderman rogues.

Somehow, they aren't inspiring many ideas for me, and much like a lot of dc content, the variations of the characters as a mainline fresh new take on everything is extremely limited in the creativity of variation to their genders and backstories that lead up to them becoming who/what they are. (Or it's left as a one-time one-off thing)

I think we could do with some more genderswaps and stuff, y'know? It would help inspire more creativity with the concepts of the characters. Give more substance to work with.

Some ideas/concepts for what I mean:

Joanna Crane, excluded from her field of research because her methods were too extreme and her research was becoming unethical and against all tules and regulations. Excluded due to being a woman in a field dominated by men within the corrupt city of Gotham.

Oswin Cobblepot, worked exceptionally hard despite her appearance to get where she is in life. Becoming powerful with an impressive influence in the underbelly of Gotham. All stemming from or origins in seeking insurance and protection for her high class club/bar after it had been wrecked one night by thugs. Ever since, she'd managed to firmly plant herself proudly in the underworld.

Arnona Wesker, always had a fascination with puppetry ever since she was little. Due to a sudden house fire when she was just a teen, she lost her collection of puppets.. well, all but 1 head. She salvaged it and kept it for later. Later never came, and her life progressed like a roller coaster of hills. At some point early in her adulthood, she started to hear a voice. It wasn't her own, and it always seemed to come from where she kept that dummy head. The dummy had become sentient.

Arlo Quinzel, talk show radio therapist and psychologist who received one too many prank calls from a bored Joker that ended in his career on the airways. He was highly influential, for better or for worse. Besides psychology, Arlo also enjoyed reading about classical theater and watching performances. An interest of his that had been forced out of him by his family, forcing him instead to go into a more "appropriate" and beneficial field of work. Safe to say, he finally got his wish to entertain through theater and the arts.. albeit twisted into something less playful.

Victoria Fries, a well-known cryogenicist who merely studied the effects of cryogenics on living things, trying to find a way to prevent the death of cells on the body when frozen. In a way, trying to slow down death and aging. Her experiments were done mostly on plants as any suggestions for small animals to help progress her research had always been denied.

Edlyn Nygma, the smartest student in all her schools growing up. She was the brightest despite her dark and dreary homelife. She worked extra hard to prove herself to her old-fashioned misogynistic father, and when that failed, she worked even harder to exceed him and escape the life she suffered through for years. After succeeding, her life hardly picked up. Being forced to work in a small publishing company that made riddle and joke books, the only place that wanted to accept her regardless of her qualifications. The years of monotony and lack of approval to her ideas finally made her crack, burning the place down after. Seeking now to challenge Gotham to prove her mind and self as something worth listening to. Becoming Gotham's anonymous "Riddler" and learning to use people's underestimations of her to her advantage.

Waylynn Jones, ..idk her story could be left alone from the original. Skin condition she was born with that disfigured her, or it was like some kind of genetic mutation that made her look more crocodilian than human, only getting worse as she grew up before finally reaching a point it wouldn't progress any further, leaving her looking big and monstrous.

Salem Kyle, his backstory can also remain pretty much the same as canon with minimal changes. Why change what works? Also I have no ideas for him tbh

Harper Dent, another than could be left the same as the main canon, just swapped around so they're a woman instead cuz we appreciate complex women 👍

[ancestorsofjudah]

1 Kings 12: 12-15. "Royalty."

12 Three days later Jeroboam and all the people returned to Rehoboam, as the king had said, “Come back to me in three days.” 

13 The king answered the people harshly. Rejecting the advice given him by the elders, 

14 he followed the advice of the young men and said, “My father made your yoke heavy; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.” 

15 So the king did not listen to the people, for this turn of events was from the Lord, to fulfill the word the Lord had spoken to Jeroboam son of Nebat through Ahijah the Shilonite.

Rehoboam is in a difficult spot all leaders with consciences face: to enforce the law even if it is not the popular thing to do. Once one gives in to peer pressure and propaganda and diverges from the Laws God gave to Moses, one is essentially saying a bunch of pea brains and pin heads have more authoritative voices than God. This is called idolatry.

The proper response to this is found in the final verse:

Jeroboam= the people will expand

Nebat= The verb נבט (nabat), means to look, regard or consider. Noun מבט (mabbat) literally means a thing looked to: an expectation.

Ahijah= watch over them and make it well known...lavish inclusion is the dynamic...

The noun אח ('ah) means brother, or more broadly: a fellow member of a social economic node (a "house") within a broader economic whole.

This word's lavish inclusion in names strongly suggests that the deity was reckoned by this word — in modern times we mostly speak of Our Father in Heaven but in antiquity the deity appears to have also been addressed as Our Brother.

The New Testament appears to entertain that dynamic in the tenet that the Word is God's Son, and all who have the Word are godly brothers. Also note the similarity with the verb חוה (hawa), to show, tell, make known.

Shilonite= "The rules of prosperity are as natural law to righteous men."

Verb ישר (yashar) means to be straight or level. Adjective ישר (yashar) means right or upright. Nouns ישר (yosher), ישרה (yeshara) and מישר (meshar) mean uprightness or straightness. Noun מישור (mishor) describes a level place or plain.

Verb אשר ('ashar) covers a decisive progression or a setting right, and is often applied to describe happiness and prosperity (right on!). This is not due to a curious coincidence but to the obvious correlation of righteousness and efficiency.

Righteousness in the Biblical sense describes a solid grasp of natural law, which leads to high levels of technology, social liquidity and thus peace and prosperity.

As the people on this world expand in age and numbers and are now forced confront the scarce remaining years we have left, the Torah says "a level pace" will help us survive and succeed.

Jewish sages speak of time and history as a kind of spiral staircase, each step is a little higher than the one before. They represent the inevitable changes that take place between generations, like those of the technological and geospatial sort, and changes in the marketplace brought to bear by marketing companies, entertainment franchises and advances in science. Rules and laws naturally need to be adjusted as new theaters of experience come to pass.

Socio-economic changes must however, change only to go forward. The Most High was fervent: Do not go back to Egypt. We are not permitted to change our minds regarding freedom and social equity.

This has been elaborated upon over and over by Jewish sages who insist the Torah's stance on slavery, education, housing, food, and all the comforts of civilization become ubiquitous.

These rules we never, ever relax or change. They are not subject to trends or fads, the whims of politicians or religions. No matter how good the "food" of non-interference is, how effortless it is to watch and wait, the Torah says social distortions like prejudice, apartheid and slavery are delusions we shall not suffer on the surface of this world.

Rehoboam stood by the Torah against his spoiled people. It was a costly decision as we will see. All it took was one decadent ruler, King Solomon, and a few good times, and people will forget. Then comes the scourge.

The answer, Royalty, which supposedly exists to provide national stability and consistency over long periods of time, has so far not exactly been proven to prevent scourges. Even still, royals are theoretically the only way to do it.

Here, once again are the Four Steps to Empire that explain:

We have this idea that democracy is good, but it only means a representative sample of the people have approximately equal opportunity to voice their opinions through legislation. When the people are inept or lack ethical convictions, the government ends up creating a democratically governed cesspool. 

Empire ensures that someone who cares keeps the welfare and quality of the people unquestionably and undeniably in line of sight. The end goal is not utopia but an ever increasing Bourgeoisie, a class of people that live exceptionally well, dictated by the whims of Empire, which supersede bureaucracy in the care of the Constituent. 

Empires are best translated into Commonwealths, where leadership is aggregated first around human interests: Sovereignty through Human Rights, and free commerce between free people. 

Nations and organizations who lack an understanding of the human condition and legislate it into full bloom do not earn the right to Sovereignty and must never be allowed to possess it. Sovereignty is derived from a cosmopolitan lifestyle and this can be made real through policy if the attitude is right. 

  A moral conception centering around this demand envisions one universal political society that includes, or at least is open to, all human beings. Invoking the ancient Greek word “polis” (city-state), such a universal polity is often called a cosmopolis. Any moral conception prescribing such a unified legal organization of the whole human world in preference to other institutional designs can be said to exemplify legal cosmopolitanism.  

There are Four Logical Steps to Cosmopolitan Life through Commonwealth that are eminently doable: 

1. A treaty of non-aggression between entities establishes permanent association. 

2. A second establishes common rules for resolving disputes that do not involve combat. 

3. Establishes protection of human life and interests which prevent any central or peripheral authority from becoming despotic or forcing the Commonwealth to resort to 1 or 2. 

4. Open trade between the governments and business and individuals within the Commonwealth regulated by market forces. When backed by Royal Privilege, which is inexhaustible in the interests of the People of the Commonwealth it prevents the wear and tear of said forces from eroding at quality of life. 

The above Four Steps allow the nuances of religion and culture to flourish between neighbors and neighbor states; and rule of law by a combination of Empire and Free Trade ensures politics won't fuck things up. 

[buzzcutdrew]

Chances.

His eyes widen, like he's having a sudden realization and maybe she should be scared, especially when he drinks what's left of his drink in a whole sip. The glass against the counter produces a violent loud noise, but it doesn't break.

“Let's get married" it's all he says and she almost falls from her stool.

"Excuse me?"

Rafe Cameron x female!kook!OC, +28k.

Warning: mention to bullism, mention of drugs, violence.

Note: oh, well, where I should start with this one. Maybe I should say that this fic is a 45 pages os in my docs that I wrote without knowing what would have happened. Really. When I started it I just had the characters planned and their (past) relationships, but what became the center of the whole fic (and that is mentioned already at the end the first scene) came out absolutely randomly, out of nowhere, while I was drafting the introduction. I let it lead the rest of the whole one shot, contrary to what I usually do: I tend to have a big part of the plot in mind before starting everything, so with this one I found myself, more than once, not knowing what to do, how to continue and how exactly give it an end. This all to say that probably, reading it, it might seem incoherent or silly. Might be. Might not. But consider just another fic with an almost ooc Rafe, where I always wish someone could love him a bit. And, oh, English isn’t my main language so you could find some mistakes. I hope not bad ones.

Ao3.

Masterlist.

Richie has been second her whole life, at home, at school, in friendships, love, in every hobby she learned. 

She plays the piano with a delicacy that makes every note, even the most aggressive, a caress without missing the right tone, but when she was fifteen and playing for a local theater a recruiter picked her companion for a national competition. Richie never stopped playing, but the other kid is now a professional pianist of the North Carolina Orchestra, while she plays just in her living room mostly for her own peace and at family's dinners. 

Richie learned to paint and draw. Her mom helped her with creativity a lot, being a quite eccentric and appassionate artist, who made sure her younger daughter wouldn't miss the opportunity to create, but Richie never made much of her artistic path. Now she owns very expensive tools, but no one wants to play with them. 

She has an older sister, Kat, who's about to finish college and who always had better grades, far more extrovert and friendly attitude, pupil of the school and of the family. Richie loves Kat and Kat loves Richie, so the rivalry hasn't ever been a problem to talk about: it's been something that the younger buried down, year after year, because loving her sister and being glad for her successes were everything that mattered. Even though it meant one of them had to wait in the shadows. 

At school she was one of the best students of her class. Which meant she was good, really good, but had to share it with someone else: usually it was Matt Brum, her only real competitor, now enrolled in Yale and next to be the CEO of his family company. Theirs was an unhealthy competition, they learned to drag everything into the field to win their battles, sometimes hurting each other more than they would have liked to admit and that left them to lick the wounds on more than one occasion. The only time someone got it the middle was in sophomore year, when a new kid moved in the OBX and it mixed the cards at the table enough for Richie and Matt to lose their balance and stability. Just once the guy left the Academy, because he had to move out again and leave the islands for family reasons, they got back to their places. It has never been established who was the best student of their year, since they graduated with the same grades, so Richie never felt like she could be first for once. 

Now, sitting on a stool at the counter of the fancy bar packed with people coming and going and music, she looks at her best friend dancing carelessly out of the room, down in the green garden of the Golf Club, all the eyes on her, and she reminds Richie of another occasion in which she has always been second. Love and all its declinations, from long crushes to brief flirts: Madeleine Patterson has alway been prettier, sexier, nicer in manners, effortlessly beautiful in and out and this all made her a natural confident girl turned into a glowing woman. Growing up, Richie changed, left classmates insults about her body behind, how she looked, how she acted, and opened up enough to gain her own confidence, but Madeleine was always a step ahead. And she didn't even try to. All eyes on her, everyone in love with her, whether it was a childish crush or pure lust. Richie saw so many boys and girls trying to conquer a little place in Madeleine's heart and just a very small group of them who actually made it. Richie always stood next to her, unnoticed, watching people flying around her best friend like they were butterflies attracted by the light.

The girl outside moves at the rhythm of the music, people in fancy dresses around her and Richie who's a little jealous of everything, everyone, especially people in her life that seem to be stars so bright to be hard to even stare at. Sitting on the stoll, a gin she isn't even supposed to drink in her hand, her stomach turns upside down and her jaw squeezes when she notices a tall boy walking in her view and stopping in the middle of the bar. Richie doesn't need to see Rafe Cameron's face to know how he's now looking at Madeleine: like she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

"I see, some things never change" she tells him and takes a sip of her drink in the same moment he turns, surprised, like he didn't expect anyone to be there. But it's room full of people, so Richie thinks it's kinda dumb.

He visibly relaxes when he notices it's her, Rachel Garner, sitting on a stool, pouring her soul in a gin, in her light brown hair falling down her shoulders. Rafe didn't see her there, but maybe not even for the rest of the night. Instead, she saw him and not because Midsummer is his family theater to make big dramatic entrances, but because she's a good observer, learned in the field for all the past years of quietness and standing in others shadows. 

"It's you" he mutters and she can't help but feel a bit uneasy when his eyes scan her body up and down. Suddenly, she feels like her young self, the one that was scared to dress up differently than usual, scared of people's judgement. Somewhere in high school she tried to be bolder with her body, less frightened, but Rafe's eyes can be a lot mean and his words meaner and now she knows he's judging her. Richie doesn't even contemplate it could be a positive verdict, it can be only negative or absolutely indifferent by her whole presence. In the end, he moves his stare away from Richie's soft body, her peach satin dress suddenly not so tight around her sensible pale skin, and on his face nothing. He sits one stoll away from her and, with a movement of his hand, he calls one of the waiters to have the same Richie had. 

They sit there in silence for a while and, she notices, Rafe's more nervous than she expected him to be at the frivolous party of Midsummer. Apparently, he dropped out of college by the end of the semester and she supposed he would have been back to the free life of a rich kid that has nothing to lose, everything to enjoy, but the frown of his face makes her dubious. When he looks again at Madeleine, dark curly hair bouncing on her shoulders as she dances, Richie decides to break the silence and do it like she's an elephant inside a crystal shop. 

"She's out of your league" the girl tells him with a mocking voice, she won't sugarcoat what she thinks. Not to him. Actually, he should already be aware of what she's telling him: he always flirted with Madeleine, she always answered him things that meant he had to understand she wasn't up for flirting back. That she wasn't interested. The thing with Rafe, though, was that he never made a fool of himself declaring his love for Madeleine -or his attraction to her- like many did in the school hallways, but he has always been less explicit, flirting subtly when he got the chance in the middle of a conversation or a situation. He never went to Madeleine and asked her out, Richie has always been conflicted between thinking it was because he had too much consideration of himself to allow himself to show publicly his feelings -whatever kind, whether was love or physical attraction- for other human beings, or because he considered himself too high to being able to handle an open rejection like almost everyone else. The thought he might not be interested in her best friend like that never occurred to Richie. Now, she finishes her last bit of liquid from her glass and orders another with a thanks to the waiter, when he comes back with Rafe's one. "You know that" 

"Yeah. I know" he mutters and reserves her a glance, now, eyebrow raised as his lips touch the glass to drink. When he swallows, Richie thinks he's gonna move his stare away -maybe back at Madeleine- instead he plants his blue uncomfortable eyes on her. Again, Richie feels like he's judging her. He's a prick who thinks to be better, smarter, more attractive than anyone, so maybe she should take it less personally. He does it with everyone a voice reminds her, because he was the stereotypical rich kid who thought that daddy's money and charming blue eyes gave him the right to turn into an awful person. A bully kid in the school hallways, a mean man who doesn't know anything close to love, because you'll receive what you gave. But he told you bad things growing up another voice talks in her mind and it sounds a lot like Rafe's when she heard him talking shit about her to her own birthday party in seventh grade. He told something about her weight and her pink dress and it hurt when she heard him by accident, as he shared his thoughts with some classmates. They laughed. All of them. But he was someone that talked to her back, she learned by hearing him when she wasn't supposed to and by rumors that came to her ears, because he couldn't afford to do it her face: he easily did with others, but Richie was the daughter a family friend and business partner, so Rafe knew that the moment he stepped on her foot where everyone could see and hear, he would have been in big trouble. So he did it at her back and limited the public interaction to childish bickering that didn't have much weight on their families relationship, mostly because Richie learned to spat, mock and fight back if it was necessary. She even learned to start a discussion with him, as a self defense mechanism, before he could. Like now: she could have stayed silent, waited for him to leave, or waited for him to turn and see her, giving him the first chance to start their little thing. But she could be proud and she wouldn't miss the opportunity to show Rafe that not everything can work for him, that he's not as perfect as he thinks to be. She didn't expect him to be so little up for some unhealthy fight. "You tell me every time you have the chance" 

"That's what friends are made for" she says to him, forcing amusement from her voice. "Be honest when no one else will"

He snorts, hand squeezes around his glass. "We're not friends"

"Ouch" she mutters and then her empty glass is replaced by a new filled one, so she smiles at the waiter to thank him again. "You hurt me" 

He shrugs, but he can't even guess how close those words are to reality. Richie drinks from her glass and Rafe does the same. "You'll be fine"

"Yeah. I heard worse" from you stays unsaid, but he hears the bitter tone anyway, badly hidden, so he turns to look at her when Richie's eyes move away. She looks to a vague point in front of her, hand around the drink, her round freckled face paint in hard features. She's clearly overthinking about something, but Rafe's not sure about what and frankly doesn't care. What he cares about, though, is to bug her as much as she likes to bug him. 

"So" he starts, voice high in a way she can hear him drowning in her own mind. She turns, eyes wide and eyebrows lifted. "Heard about your sister. She was quite happy about sharing the news"

Richie's jaw squeezes and, if she hopes that Rafe doesn't notice, she's wrong. It was exactly the kind of expression he expected from her and she knows he likes it. When he can get through her, especially with the bare minimum. The fact is that Katherine Gardner, about to graduate in law with the highest grades, flew home less than four days prior with a huge squared diamond ring on her left hand and a very handsome guy she introduced as Michael, who apparently brought her that same ring she's now showing everyone. When Kat chose to study something that wasn't related to their family business of hotels and touristic properties, Richie thought that their parents -especially her dad- would have been at least a bit disappointed, that he would have eventually accepted it as the good man he is, but after a couple of attempts to convince Kat that she might have been head of their little family emperor. That path was already there for Kat and Richie, smooth and easy. But Noah Gardner was more accepting of Kat's decision than the younger kid would have expected, he asked once are you sure? when her sister dropped the news during her last year of high school and he has never shown any kind of sadness or disappointment about his perfect first born making different choices from what he always imagined for her. But when Kat came back a couple of days before with a guy she dated for apparently the past two months and the news she would have gotten married to him, Richie thought it was a crazy idea and that her parents would have opposed it the exact moment it was announced. But it hadn't happened and Richie went nuts. 

"Yeah, you heard?" she asks and lifts an eyebrow, suddenly, for a moment, Rafe next to her feels less like the enemy. Maybe it's the alcohol she's been drinking from the start of the party. But glass after glass she still feels too lucid. "She met the guy two months ago around her campus and suddenly she knew he was his soulmate. What a bullshit" 

Rafe looks at her with a furrowed expression, glass to his lips and a moment of contemplation before drinking a sip. Richie refrains the need to pour hers into one whole sip into her throat, but she's not sure she can the moment the liquor touches her tongue, so she keeps it solid on the counter. Rafe looks at her, for once, not like he's judging her, but like he's analyzing her and it makes Richie uneasy. It's like he's paying enough attention to actually considering her something he needs time to understand and process. 

"You don't think it's bullshit" he declares in the end, his expression relaxes and hers turns surprised without even realizing. Her big blue eyes are so wide that Rafe would laugh at her, in another circumstance. Before she can spat anything, he keeps talking. "I think it's bullshit, you don't"

"You don't know shit" 

"You think I don't know you?" when she mutters a yeah, he ignores her again. "Just because I don't like you and our parents tried to force a friendship down our throats, it doesn't mean I haven't learned to know you. And you don't think it's bullshit, maybe you just wanted to be in her shoes. Right? I mean, she always been full of people around her, praising her and now she's getting married, while you-"

"Can you shut up?" Richie asks, all sudden and her voice higher without her having any control over it. She knows this sounds a lot like an admission and she hates Rafe for this, but she hates him for a lot of other things too. When her eyes stay glued on him in a challenge to interrupt her again, making assumptions or telling that she just showed him a weakness, he seals his lips. His stare is hard. She whispers her next words, leaning a bit towards him, one stool dividing them. "What do you want for me? Uh? Make me feel like shit? You've been spending your whole life making sure of it, now leave me alone, because you know me, but I know you, Rafe. And we both know what's the relationship between you and your family, don't let me spat it in your face. Or use it against you publicly" 

This hits him. It's not even the honest truth, it's the threat to expose it to him or everyone else that both scares and makes him angry. The Cameron, one of the most prominent families of the OBX, are everything that Richie is glad to not be born in. 

She knows that she doesn't have the easiest relationship with her own parents and sister, but she also knows that they love her and when they tell her that, they meant it. They don't love her how she hoped for, but when Richie looks at Kat, she sees a lovely sister that would do everything for her little one, but also someone that she feels the need to be in competition with. When Kat backed out from the family business, Richie already knew she would have joined the company and lead it after his dad would have left it to his heirs, but seeing her big sister leaving for doing something else felt like Richie finally had a way to prove herself. To be better than Kat in something? Maybe. To have an unhealthy competition with her sister? No, but if one day her dad and mom would say she made sure that their emperor didn't fall, managing it on her own, her heart would just burst in joy and pride. After all the fatigue of making something good without sharing the spotlight with someone else, or -worse- while hiding in another person's shadow, she will finally feel like she could be realized. Though, looking at Rafe, she knows she's the lucky one: at the end of the day, she can say her parents take care of her and love her, in their own way, with their own weird way to show her, while he really can't say the same thing. Probably, he wouldn't ever admit it, but Richie has been around the Camerons enough to know that Rafe doesn't have anyone to tell him they love him, kiss him goodnight, or leave him leftovers when he comes home late even though they are a lot similar to being someone's shadow. Someone's second.

Ward Cameron is a man of sweet smiles and a lot of gentle words, but Richie knows the truth, that he shows the worst of himself when he's out of the public eye. The first time she heard him talking to Rafe privately, hard words for something his son did and an anger that was barely under control, she suddenly explained herself why Rafe was such an insufferable human being. Not a justification, but a valid explanation. That time, a younger Richie learned to observe the interactions of the family with other eyes, ones that would notice Rafe flinching to his dad getting closer too suddenly, or to his little sister, Wheezie, having to fight for people to listen to her.

Rose Cameron is Ward Cameron's younger wife, after the first one died a long time ago, but she's definitely not the kids mom: she made sure everyone remembered it since she made her debut as a family member and Rafe and his sisters can't now really forget it. She's not the evil stepmother, but Richie isn't sure she knows how to care about anything that hasn't to do with her. 

Sarah and Wheezie and nice girls, to Richie's opinion, even though they are both younger and now they sporadically see each other at fancy nights of the OBX élite and family dinners. Sarah can be found at less pretentious parties sometimes, being just three years younger, but Wheezie is still too young for her and Richie to cross paths when their families aren't involved. Rafe loves Wheezie, he probably never told it to himself and won't ever do such a thing, but he doesn't need to speak it aloud: the way Wheezie looks at him like he's a good brother, the same way Sarah is a good sister, like she doesn't care that he can be rough, a lot moody, a real prick. When Richie thinks that maybe Wheezie knows half of what Rafe is capable of doing and saying, she thinks good for her and she won't be the one to break the little girl's bubble in which her relationship with her brother is based on real affection. Rafe loves Wheezie and Wheezie loves Rafe, Richie would feel like a monster to break something like that for a thirteen year old and for an awful boy who clearly doesn't know much love. 

The relationship with Sarah, on the other hand, drives Rafe mad and it's all Ward's fault since he never applied the same rules to all his kids: from a close spot, it always seemed like he had a different way to parenting each of his kid and, if the Gardners probably thinks they applied the same rules and shared the same amount of love to both their daughters, Ward made sure the differences between the three Camerons were easy to notice by everyone. Wheezie is the little child that is too young to be taken seriously and that is most of the time ignored, while Rafe is the older one with a difficult personality, that has been allowed to act in a certain way until his dad pretended he grew up and acted completely differently. But you can't plant a flower and pretend it will blossom healthy, if you don't take care of it just because it seems difficult and slow. Inside the Cameron dynamic, Sarah is the prettiest, the brightest and the most colorful flower, the one that grows so fast and healthy during spring time that you can't help but stare at it in joy. She has a cheerful attitude and good heart, she's a person that likes other people and that other people like. She's Rafe's exact opposite and Ward never helped them to overcome their differences, he showed nothing but a blind preference for Sarah and it had a massive impact on Rafe's behavior, when his dad was so inclined to show it in his face. He never was an enjoyable and pleasant kid to be with, always sure of his privileged position, but his dad made it worse. The more Rafe looked for love in a place that wasn't willing to give it to him, the more he grew frustrated and angry.

Almost twenty years spent with the Camerons, Richie knows it all and, now, she quietly tells Rafe that she knows how unsteady his family is, that she's conscious of the facade of the perfect family his own is. In front of her, he simply stares at her blankly for the first couple of instant, until, at least, his expression changes. His eyes widen, like he's having a sudden realization and maybe she should be scared, especially when he drinks what's left of his drink in a whole sip. The glass against the counter produces a violent loud noise, but it doesn't break. 

"Let's get married" it's all he says and she almost falls from her stool. 

"Excuse me?" 

  -

  After Midsummer, Richie needs two days to recover from the alcohol and from her weird encounter with Rafe. 

The first day her head sounds like a drum playing non stop and she must look so awful and tired that after just one attempt from Kat to make her leave her bed, her sister doesn't try anymore. Her mom comes by a couple of times to check on her and her dad gives her the free day at work. By the end of her day, she gives herself another twenty four hours, whether her family agrees or not, on seeing her lying almost lifeless on the mattress in her room, standing just to go to the bathroom and opening her mouth to eat what Anthony, the butler, bought for her mom's wish. 

The third day, she gets up from the bed, she showers for the longest minutes with water so hot that the freckles on her skin almost disappear under the redness of the temperature and then puts on her prettiest clothes for work, before heading in the kitchen for breakfast and spreading forced smiles. Kat is the first to embrace her when she makes her apparition and she tells Richie that she's happy to see her doing better with such apprehension that the younger one's stomach turns upside down. 

"Sit next to Michael" she tells, after Richie stands in the kitchen almost out of place. Her stomach protests again, when she takes a seat next to the man (who’s actually sitting in her usual place), who smiles at her and asks how she's doing today. Her answer comes out almost whispered, but she can't help but look at Michael and see Rafe. 

Let's get married. 

It needs her all the strength she possesses to focus on the food and on making small talk, the ones able to assure the people around the table that she's fine, so she tells herself all the physical differences between Michael and Rafe in a way she can't see one and think about the other. Then she explains to her dad what she's gonna do at work and he simply nods. 

Sitting in her car, alone, after breakfast feels like all the thoughts she tried to hold back or change implodes and the need to have a little cathartic cry, dressed in nice work clothes, comes to her mind more than once. But then Kat and Michael come out from the house hand in hand, ready to have a walk around the OBX and show the foreign boy the place, so Richie pulls out of the parking lot and speeds to work. If she drives, she won't think about anything, she's sure of it, but it's a failing plan and she understands it when she bursts into tears two streets down her house, as she waits for the light to turn green. 

Making it at work in one piece is almost like winning at life, but the feeling is very temporary and weak: what’s really lead her sane for half of the day is that she has so much work to do around, things to check out and inside the office she has been assigned to since she stepped in as her dad’s right hand, that she gets distracted from her mind and all her thoughts.

Every step she takes feels like she's about to stumble and make a fool of herself, but she pretends to know what she’s doing and makes it with well built confidence, at least until lunch.

She’s trying to think about anything but the hotel financials she’s currently revisiting -the ones she discussed with her dad and their team of managers when they met a couple of days before Midsummer, coming from all their five star resorts spread around North Carolina- when the door of her office swings open. The sound breaks her just found balance and the revelation of the person pushes her back into a chaos of feelings. The most common, the one where she would bend over the floor and throw up. Rafe, the only person she didn’t really want to cross her path with, walks in, dressed in jeans and a pastel polo, dark blonde hair brought back and step so sure and bold that, Eve, a small middle aged receptionist has some difficulty to catch up with. She appears behind Rafe's tall body a moment later, when he's already about to sit in one of the chairs usually reserved for guests and clients, on the other side of where Richie sits at her desk. She stares at him like he’s the devil and, from his grin, she’s sure he knows it and enjoys every second of it.

"After three days you came back to life" Rafe announces himself loudly, stepping more and more towards Richie and her belongings. She feels protective of her space, but she refrains herself from showing him anything that he could perceive as a weakness and doesn't ask how he knows she has been home for the past few days. He finally falls on one of the chairs, making his staying real and more permanent than Richie had hoped for. "Sounds like an already heard story" 

The owner of the office moves her eyes from Rafe to Eve then, when her employer starts apologizing. 

"I tried to stop Mr. Cameron, telling him that I should have come first to make sure you were free to receive him" the woman is telling, like she really has a reason to apologize, when they are talking about Rafe Cameron and his rude spoiled manners. "But he walked past me and I tried-" 

"It's fine" Richie assures from her chair, smiling at the woman, but feeling like she’s telling that to herself. Eve seems taken aback for a second, just once, before she relaxes and nods, once she gives Rafe a look. Then she leaves and the false relaxed expression on Richie falls the moment the door closes at the boy’s back. “Don’t do that ever again. Next time, you stop by the reception and ask if you can come in” a pause, when Rafe’s smile grows. “Actually, don’t come here ever again. I don’t want to see you”

He sighs, but he’s amused. “Well, now I’m already here, so”

“Yeah, I can see that and I don’t like it” she says resignedly: she knows what he wants, but she finds herself asking her next words anyway. She leans on the back of her chair, as he has already done that the moment he ungraciously fell on his own seat. “Why are you here, Rafe”

“You know why I’m here” he tells her, suddenly the smile falls and she knows what to expect. Or not completely, because Rafe Cameron pulling a jewelry box from the pocket of his trousers and leaving it on Richie's desk, above all the spread papers, wasn’t in her mind at all. In her eyes panic, when she stares at it and then back at Rafe. “You didn't really give me an answer”

“I’m sure I did”

“Keep repeating to repeat myself, before running away, isn’t exactly what I would describe as answering” he makes her notice, but he sees how she keeps glancing at the box: like it’s the scariest thing she has ever seen, but he didn't exactly expect her to jump in joy. He nods to it. “Open it”

She looks up, eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not sure I want to. That’s a really crazy idea”

Listen, I know you don’t like me and I don’t like you, but getting married can be a good deal for us, he had said to her at Midsummer, an expression a lot similar to the one painted on her face at the moment. We get married and we settle for a bit, we both will get our families off our backs: my dad will stop bothering me with growing up and all that shit and yours maybe will stop thinking your sister is better than you. Don't make that face, I know you thought that stepping into business would have made you more likely to be your parents favorite, but now it's time to accept that you're not. And I'm not either. We want to be, right? We’re twenty and two of the wealthiest families of the OBX, so we can try. It’s convenient for me, as much as it is for you.

After that, she wanted to tell him that her parents don't have a favorite and that she doesn't think Kat is better than her, but she would have lied, so she asked him to explain himself again.

“Is it that crazy?” he asks now, playing it dumb, but Richie knows Rafe, he’s not the brightest, but dumb either. He’s just good at pretending, so people underestimate him, until he can prove to them he's sneaky and petty. ”Your sister is getting married to a guy she barely knows, your parents approve and you don't know what bothers you more between the two, it’s written all over your face. But if you think about what I told you, we know each other since we were kids, I mean, it should be less suspicious if we’re the ones getting married”

“You’re forgetting the part where we never got along” Richie reminds him, still confused and surprised by the whole situation. She would like to be somewhere else with someone else: it’s now that she thinks to Madeleine, how she would react to know what Rafe asked her and to watch them now, discussing a marriage proposal in her office like it's a scene of The Proposal. It’s the thought of her that makes Richie ask her next question. “Why me”

He shrugs and looks out the window of the room, the glass door that leads to the balcony, right into the ocean. Richie prefers the marsh that runs along with the tiny piece of land that the island is, because the water is less scary and deep, it’s more familiar than the open unknown ocean. For a moment, though, Rafe stares at it and Richie thinks he might be lost. Eventually, after a whole moment, he answers. “I told you, it’s convenient”

“It is?” she asks. “Weren't there other convenient options on the market? Other people more suitable than me? People that like you? People that you like? And not just personally speaking, also-” a pause as she thinks about all the time he told bad things about her, her body, the way she looked. "Physically"

He laughs quietly, but it’s nervous and it makes Richie more nervous than she already is by reflex. “It’s not like I was planning on getting married and made a list of all the suitable options. You were there, drinking your anger for your sister-”

“I wasn’t”

“And I was angry at my dad” he continues, ignoring her interruption. He still doesn’t look at her. “It was a sudden thought given by the circumstance”

“Romantic” Richie comments, almost offended by the way he easily spills the truth. But it’s a stupid reaction, she knows that, because it’s not like she thought he might be interested in her and, honesly, she doesn’t want him to. What she asks next needs a lot of courage to share it aloud though. “Aren't-aren't you afraid of what people will say?"

He gives her a side glance, but he quickly returns to stare out of the window, which starts to give on her nerves. She is conscious he knows what she's referring to, but she's not really surprised when he asks: "Afraid that they might tell that we ended up married after hating each other? No. We'll be the gossip of the island for a while, until they'll skip to the next one"

"It scares me the way you thought about this" Richie admits and her voice stays quiet, almost whispering, while her mind spins all those things that Rafe is telling her. She pushes her hair back, behind her ears, and she's glad he's turned when she sees how her hands shake. "But I was talking about people talking about you marry someone like me? Someone that looks like me. People will talk shit" 

"What do you look like?" he asks her, finally looking Richie’s way and bearing her stare. She’s incapable of understanding if he’s serious, at this point, or he’s mocking her. Wouldn't be the first time, but this is a twisted way and it gets her angry. 

"Don't treat me like you didn't bully me for my body-" he tries to interrupt, but she shuts him. "Don't. You spent your whole life making mine miserable. Just because you didn't tell things to my face didn't mean I didn't find a way to know" 

"I was a kid-" 

"You're still a kid, you probably still goes around talking shit about me when I can't hear-" 

"I don't" he protests, but it's weak. 

"And the fact that you want to marry someone just to get your dad off your back proves it" she keeps telling him with rash and impetuous, angry from all the things he made and said to her. "Don't you want to marry someone that you love and someone that loves you, Rafe?"

She sounds hysterical, she knows that, but both of them know it's her right to be. He wasn't the nicest guy to her, he was like that with everyone actually, but he can do better. Or he thinks he can, so he leans forward, reaches for the box on the desk and opens it. He shows her a beautiful ring, a small group of diamonds shining even under the natural light coming from outside, like a quiet promise to actually try to be a decent person. They can be a team and he can do his part: he's not sure she gets that when he pushes the ring a bit towards her, but if she's gonna say yes, he'll learn to keep his mouth shut. 

She just asked if he wants to marry someone that will love him, but he's not sure, at this point, that someone able to do such a thing exists and he's scared of a couple of things, not being loved is on top of the list. Richie doesn't need to hear this coming from him, but he suspects she might guess it.

"No, I don't care about that" he lies and her eyebrows furrow, her lips pressed into a tiny line. "But the moment you call it quit, the moment there's someone else, I'll back out-" 

"You're talking about this like-" a pause and this should suggest to him she might tell him no. It would be fair, but the fact that she didn't refuse straight away keeps him on the edge. "Like it's nothing. Like it's something you can easily get rid of. It's not, Rafe. Some of us gives it a value and buy a ring won't make someone that believes in marriage change their mind about it"

"It was my mom's" he says and when she stares at him with a perplexed expression, he nods to the ring. "I didn't buy it. It was my mom's. My dad give it to me in case, you know, I would have found someone wanting to spend the rest of their live with me and-" 

"No" she interrupts and shakes her head when he looks at her like she stabbed him. It's a moment, but she sees it the instant he fully realizes she just rejected him. She never saw him so unprepared about anything, but she won't let it get under her skin: he deserves it, he deserves that things don't always go how he wants to and that he won't be able to be the cold heartless himself forever. "I'm not gonna marry you. I like to think there's someone that really wants to marry me, someone that loves and that respects me fully. And you don't, Rafe, I can't just forget you made my life hard. You and the people like you helped me with my confidence, growing up, but it wasn't fair. You hurt me and me marrying you and forget about it is not something I'm willing to do" a pause, both of them swallow. "I shouldn't even say this, because I don't think you deserve it, but I still hope you'll find someone that loves you too and that you'll be glad to propose with your mom's wedding ring. Maybe it will help you to become a better person. But we know we're not a match. So my answer is no"

Silence fills the room for a brief moment, really short, but heavy with a tension that Richie is a bit scared to turn into something else. Rafe's face is a stone all the time, he blinks a couple of times as his eyes are steady in hers, but he doesn't say anything and Richie waits. Then, he purses his lips and with a deep sigh, pushes his hair back. 

"Fine" he mutters and slowly reaches for the little box, looking at it between his fingers like he's studying the weight of the object. He puts it back on the pocket of his jeans, but when Richie thinks he's gonna stand and leave like nothing happened, he stays still. "No is no. Not gonna ask again" 

Richie's heart almost jumps out of her chest. "Thanks" 

He nods and finally, expression blank, he stands. Turns once towards the door and then back towards the girl, who's quietly observing him and is pretending she's doing fine, while inside she feels like she needs to cry. Again. Richie cries a lot, but usually she doesn't do that in front of other people, especially the ones that could see it as a weakness and use it against her. Rafe is on top of the list. "Don't tell anyone" 

The request, not a question but an order, makes her smile. Not of happiness, but of something that it's more familiar with Rafe: it's a grin that silently is mocking him. "Why shouldn't I" 

"No one is gonna believe you, anyway" he says, eyebrows furrowed and gears that are working hard to figure out if she's messing with him or not. He pats the pocket of his jeans and she knows he's referring to the ring, when he talks again. "No proof. Your word against mine. And considering our history, you'll probably make a fool of yourself" 

Richie narrows her eyes. "You're a snake"

Rafe laughs and, finally, the tension leaves the room like the air inside an open balloon, when you let it go. It's a relief. "Hey, see you at your sister's engagement party. Don't know about you, but I'm sure it will be fun" 

The wish to throw something to him is hard to resist, but when he leaves, Richie thinks she wouldn't have wanted to be in the same room a moment longer. 

-

"Have you ever thought about marriage?" the question comes out casually, almost distractly, but it isn't anything like that. Richie asks on purpose, pretending nonchalance, while she sees Madeleine stop her hand, fries between the fingers, in her tracks. The other girl doesn't really look at her best friend straight away, she can tell what she's doing from having her sitting in her general sight, so she takes a moment before looking up. Straight into Madeline's dark eyes, staring back at her with a confused expression. 

"What?" she asks in the end, finally throwing the fries into her mouth. She chews it and, for a moment, Richie looks at her full lip covered in a matte brown lipstick moving graciously. "Where this comes from" 

Rafe Cameron, it's Richie's first thought and the honest answer, but she knows she can't say that without Madeleine thinking she's getting crazy. She has no reason to talk about Rafe and no reason to talk to Rafe, which actually happened quite privately the day before, but even if Madeleine would believe what happened, she would probably be very confused and very upset about it. Like she would fairly be if Richie would have agreed to Rafe's crazy plan of getting married out of convenience.

"Kat's wedding" Richie tells Madeleine and it's not a complete lie. It's just a partial truth. "It's making me think, that's all"

"It shouldn't" her best friend pushes her curly hair behind her shoulder when they fall around her face, but she's careful not to touch her locks with her hands dirty of salt and fried oil. Richie blinks at her, when the other leans on the table of the diner they are sitting during their lunch break. Technically it's just Richie's, because Madeleine is a student on holiday until lessons will start again in September and she will have to fly back to New York, where she's studying fashion management in a very expensive college. "Don't let this whole wedding get you. I know you and I know what you're thinking" 

"What am I thinking?" Richie asks, taking a sip from her Cola Zero and then getting back to her vegan hamburger. Madeleine thinks that making meat vegan it's a living paradox for terminology and a heresy for her poor omnivore heart, but Richie quit meat years ago and there's just one place in the whole OBX that serves vegan meat. The place isn't the fanciest, but it's not cheap either, it looks like a diner of old times and it's in a strategic place in Figure Eight almost on the road down The Cut. Plates can be expensive for the Pogues, the ones less lucky living in the poor side of the island, but sometimes kids from The Cut come by to have a bite anyway. Richie doesn't mind them, some are criminals and some are working hard people, same as the ones from Figure Eight. The only difference is that who lives on the rich side of OBX never pay for their crimes and does pretty much clean jobs behind a desk, while the poors are usually the first to end up in jail when they are into bad business and the honest ones wake up every day to break they back under all the work. 

"You're thinking that now that your sister is getting married, you're the next. Because you have to" Madeleine underline, distracting Richie from her thoughts. "You don't have to"

"All my relatives to Kat's engagement party will disagree with you" the girl scoffs at her own words. "Actually, my parents will disagree with you" 

"They won't" Madeline says, because she's on the Gardners defense squad: she loves Richie's parents and their own child never quite got why. Sure they were always polite and friendly, welcomed Madeleine like she was family and she always liked the freedom she felt around them, but Richie thinks it's not a valid reason to worship the ground they walk in. Maybe it's because Madeleine's dad is a real asshole.

"They'll be subtle about it, but they will" Richie tells her friends. "They'll find a way to make it sound like they are telling me something nice and at the same time meaning the exact opposite"

"Still" Madeleine says, moving her hand distractedly. "Not an excuse to get paranoid, girl. You're not the next in line. You have all your life in front of you. Just because you sister decide to marry a guy doesn't mean you have to" 

The truth is that, before Kat and Rafe, she never thought about marriage. Not like something concrete, at least, something so real that is scary to think about. The thought of spending her life with someone forever never occurred to her until recently, usually it has always been something that everyone gives for granted, whether it's their own or someone else's life. Society says marriage is a step that, at some point, almost everyone will take and kids are brainwashed about it without even realizing, parents would say when you get married you'll understand it in the middle of a conversation and no one would give it the right weight. Now, Richie always considered it mandatory because normal, that she would have eventually married someone and settle for a future together, but the current situation is pushing her boundaries and putting her under a certain pressure. The future planned for her, like it's for everyone else, is suddenly so concrete to not sound remote and hypothetical, but so close to feel like it's an imminent present. 

Probably it's just Richie's anxiety and paranoia that easily turn her into a people pleaser, someone that does things to see others happy in a way she can be it herself. She's an addict that craves others' respect and pride so she can feel at peace with herself, even though it's self sabotaging like every drug. 

Richie mutters an "Hum, hum" and Madeleine pretends to not notice her friend is somewhere else with her mind for the rest of the lunch. 

-

If Richie would be a bad sister, she would have let her dad order the manager of one of their three resorts on the OBX to handle Kat and Michael's engagement party and she would have just shown up for the food, the alcohol and her sister's happy smile to her future husband. But Richie is a good sister and took care of everything until the last moment and, maybe it was also because she could keep herself busy physically and mentally, even during the night. 

She took care of the flowers, the food and its timing, Michael's parents who came that same morning and now are staying in one of the most expensive suits of the building, she also took care of the DJ, who had been more interested in the music than alcohol. In the end, she didn't really blame him for looking for a refill of wine, because she picked and ordered one of the best wines directly from Italy and champagne from south France and, more than once, she found herself asking for more from the waiters. It's just that, at some point, she starts not caring about the DJ, or the fact that one of the catering guys told that salmon tarts are over, because the more she talks to people, the more she keeps drinking. She always bragged about being able to handle alcohol pretty well, but now, sitting on the counter of the bar of one of the luxurious five star resorts she owns, she wishes to be so drunk to not recognize faces, words, not feeling anything. But she's still pretty damn lucid when, after hours and the sky painted in darker color, her grandmother from dad's side approaches. Her name is Margaret and she's an old, venomous lady with really too much to say: Richie's dad says he took everything from his own dad, a far more quiet and nicer man that the two children never have been able to meet, because he died when Kat wasn't born yet. He also asked divorced from the woman now cornering Richie and she really never wondered why. 

"Grandma" the younger girl says as a greeting, drinking from another glass of champagne, when the woman orders one for herself and gives her niece a look from head to toe. Richie tries to not flinch. 

"What did you put on?" the other says, as a glass is served and the waiter disappears, after just one glance to his young boss. Richie would like to follow him and serve rich people instead of listening to them, but she's not that lucky so she looks at her dress and wonders what Margaret has to say about what she's wearing. "This color is terrible. It Looks like vomit. Who chose it for you?" 

"I chose it, actually. I liked it" Richie sighs and, nervously, she keeps glancing at her grandmother's back, hoping to see anyone that might help her escape her unrequited sincerity and rudeness. She looks for any of her parents, who know Margaret well enough to plan a rescue for Richie without the girl asking for it, or even Kat, who sometimes has been a victim of their grandmother as well, but no one of them is somewhere to be seen. When she looks for Madeleine, maybe, or anyone else that would come and save her, Richie actually spots Kat: she sees pretty much just her adorned head, her brow hair tied with little gems, while she's too far away and too busy kissing Michael to pay her little sister attention. Once Richie gets back to Margaret, white hair falling on her back like waves, and she knows her grandma noticed her giving her sister and boyfriend a look a moment too long. 

"I see" the woman says and the girl frowns, as her hand squeezes around the glass unvolutary. 

"You see what" Richie prompts, while she already knows what's about to come from the other mouth. The amount of you're the next or you'll find someone too said with too bright smiles from the guests at the party haven't been as much as Richie expected, actually, they've been not more than a few, mostly from her parents' adult friends. Maybe Richie kept herself very busy, hands and feet always in movement so her mind could run along, but the night has been almost bearable, ignoring the amount of pda from Kat and Michael. But it was her problem to solve, not theirs, so she smiled and asked them if they were enjoying the night. Her future brother in law told her she did amazing with the party and Kat hugged her to thank Richie for everything, which helped the younger one to fill her heart with the right amount of pride to bear the fact they seemed glued to each other.

"I see that your dress matches your mood, honey" Margaret says and smiles, and Richie's eyebrows lift suddenly in a surprised expression. It's not she didn't expect her grandma to say something mean, it's just that she didn't expect anything so explicit. "Don't be jealous. I know you're not as pretty as her, everyone looks at her, I get it, but you'll find someone eventually" 

Richie knows she's not as pretty as Kat. Her sister is small, pale like milk and light as a feather whatever she does, her hair is the straightest she has ever seen and she's one of those people who posts photos with the hashtag no makeup and looks relaxed like they are coming out from a retouched Vogue cover. Richie, on the other hand, is her sister's opposite: as a kid she was always taller than the others, her body softer than most of the girls of Figure Eight and her skin covered in freckles like painting strokes. She hated her body for so long that, at some point, she forced herself to embrace it, because life is too short to waste it about the size of the jeans instead of her own health. Now, there are days she likes her body, she's confident about it, some others she still looks at the mirror and makes a list of all the things she would like to change. Though, hearing people saying those kinds of words has a certain power over her mind and just because she expected her grandma to be a snake doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anyway.

Her way out of this awful conversation isn't exactly a healthy way to do so, but it's the only one that walks literally next to her and that, after drinking her champagne in a single sip, Richie grabs. That literally too, when she notices Rafe's broad shoulders are walking away in a blue suit and she stretches her body, until she can grab his hand and link their fingers. He turns abruptly, as Richie holds his hand better and she's surprised to find his skin warm, so she smiles when his eyebrows shoot up. He glances between Richie, her hand in his and her grandma that he unfortunately had the chance to meet a long time ago, but he's almost subtly about it and doesn't ask the girl to let him go, so Richie guesses he must have an idea about what's going on from the scene in front of him. They never touched publicly, even less hold hands, but after their last encounter there aren't many reasons why Richie should feel the need to push herself so further, especially with her mean grandma there. So he moves next to her, trying to not squeeze back her hand in his and waits for her to explain what's going on. 

"He's Rafe. Do you remember Rafe?" Richie asks, palm against palm, she's the one squeezing him like her life depends on it and it shakes him. He doesn't like the feeling, he would prefer to let her go, but he resists. "He's-" 

"He's the kid that tried to kill my Pudding" Margaret scoffs, remembering that time Rafe pushed her the woman's dog into the Gardners' pool. Kat saved it by jumping into the water, while Ward scolded his son who said it was an accident. No one believed him. 

"Yeah, that's him" Richie confirms and Rafe would laugh off her annoyance, the condescending tone she's using, like she's dealing with a brat. Usually it's the same one she uses with him, but now it's just for her grandma and he can understand why. That woman is a pain in the ass, always been. "And you know what else he is?" the girl keeps asking and there's a moment of silence, a pause, that Rafe isn't sure it's a way to give the woman the time to guess and answer. It's a moment of uncertainty for what Richie is gonna say and what he has an idea of, making him sweating more than he would like to admit. Are they gonna do it? Is she gonna do it? Both their stomachs protest and a thought says no, don't, but eventually Margaret looks to their linked hands and Richie feels suddenly brave. "He's my fiancé" 

"Excuse me" it's ask without really making it sound like a question and there's a short and fastly cut mocking laugh from the older woman that makes Richie's hands squeeze around Rafe's one more and her finished glass of champagne. He would wonder if she's gonna break it, but now he's too busy ignoring the ground shaking under his feet, while he thinks she shouldn't have talked about it with him first. Rafe hates not being the one in charge, the one deciding, but when he notices the women looking for Richie's hand with a suspicious stare, he's suddenly brought back to reality. 

He talks without processing it, the first lie that comes to his mind and he's really good at lying. "Don't look for a ring. It was my mom's, so we had to ask for some adjustments. You'll see soon on Richie's finger, if it will make you believe us" 

His words make Richie take a deep breath of relief, while her grandma stays silent and probably would say something about the size of Richie's fingers and hands if Rafe wouldn't be there to witness and clearly already on the defensive. 

"Well" the woman comments under her breath. "Congratulations then" 

"Well, thank you then" the older one waves her hand dismissively and, without a word, she leaves through the bodies like she's flying away. As soon as she's out of reach, Richie's hand leaves Rafe's one and she needs a whole moment to realize completely what happened. What she just did. Rafe's face as she turns tells her he has metabolized it yet and he doesn't seem pleased with her choice. 

"Don't look at me like that" she hisses, but her voice cracks in the end. His eyes are so deep, that Richie has to move her stare away. "It's what you wanted, isn't it?" 

"Yeah. Two days ago" Rafe spats back, leaning now towards her, but the girl's spine stays straight and her chin lifts. It's not challenging, it's a quiet I'm not scared and he knows she's not. Not now. "You can't decide for both of us. You told me no, so you should have come to me and tell me you changed your mind after your annoying grandma tormented you. Then, we would have decided to do that. Together" 

"Well, it's not like I had much time to think about it" she tries to defend herself, but she knows he's right: it was selfless of her, but a voice in her head tells her to not let Rafe intimidate her, not let him make her feel guilty for being selfish when he's the most selfish person she knows. But she can't help feeling her stomach protests, which is what makes her blurt her next words. "I'm sorry, okay? I am, really" 

Rafe sighs and shakes his head dismissively, but he's still nervous when he gives a look around and he talk. "She's probably already telling someone. So we're in it, no regret, Richie, I swear-" 

Is she really gonna do that? Marry the only person she shouldn't marry? Rafe's voice mocking through the years taunts her for a moment, but she shuts it down with force as she reminds herself that it's a deal out of convenience and she can survive that. "We're screwed" 

"No, we're not" he gives another look around and seems like he expects anyone to appear out of nowhere, which pushes Richie further to a state of anxiety and paranoia, as she follows his example and gives a look around as well. Rafe calls her back to him with a steady voice. "Don't look. Look at me and listen carefully" with a ton of bravery, for once she doesn't question his need to be authoritative, so she nods trusting the fact that he seems to know what to do. "We knew each other already, so it won't be too weird, except we were the furthest thing from being friends. But I have a story about that, okay? We were at the same Christmas party a couple of months ago, which isn't a lie because we really where, we talked there, we saw each other again at New Year Eve and then we started texting after that"

"You're forgetting the part where you were getting high at those same parties" she interrupts and his jaw squeezes, as he realizes she probably saw him snorting coke from a coffee table in a mutual classmate's living room. Rafe hasn't ever been subtle about hiding his use of drugs at parties, but now he doesn't like to hear her witness it and calling him out for it. Sometimes, he wonders what people think of him when they see him snort coke. Do they ask themselves why he does so? Or they just think he's using it because he can. "Actually, I'm surprised you even remember we were at the same parties"

"That's not the point" he says, hard voice. "The point is that we're gonna say we met there again, started texting and hanging every time I came back for the holidays. Dropped out of college, we kept hanging until I proposed two days ago"

Richie thinks his story can be a solid one, one that would work for other two people with a different history, but she has trouble seeing her and Rafe fit into his description. Going from what she would describe as enemies to engaged in six months of basically a long distance relationship seems forced. "I'm not sure this story is gonna work" 

"Well, do you have a better one?" he asks and she bite her lip instead of answering, because the more she thinks about an alternative, the more his own seems the only option. He grins. There's nothing friendly about it. "I thought so. Let's make this work because it's the only one we have" 

"Did you have this all planned when you asked me?" 

He moves his head to the side and looks at her, when Richie's eyes find him with courage. "Not the first time. The second yes. I had to convince you, if you looked like you could actually tell me yes" 

"I didn't" she tells him with a whisper. I choose it now. 

"You weren't hundred percent sure, but I didn't have the time to show you my plan, because you told me no when I told you the ring was my mom's" his voice turns lower, when he mentions his deceased mother. Richie doesn't remember her well, as she was really young when she died and she doesn't have many memories in her mind about that brief time in which the Camerons mother was still alive. Before Rose comes into the picture and Richie remembers her wedding with Ward, her excessive dress, one of those that reminds of a Disney princesses. It looked painful to carry around, but Rose didn't seem to care. 

"You sure you don't mind me having your mom's ring?" Richie asks then, knowing it's probably something that Rafe gives value to. She tries to think that he wouldn't have proposed with it to her, if he would have minded her using it, but she still thinks he must feel something. Richie watches him open his mouth and close to give her an answer that apparently doesn't want to come out easily, when his eyes move to something to her back and he sighs.

"They are coming" he tells her with a grave voice and she doesn't have to ask who they are. "And from the looks on their faces, they know"

"Shit" it's all that Richie mutters under her breath as she turns in time to see both the couple's parents coming their way. Everyone looks confused, Ward and Rose are even whispering between each other with frowning faces, while the only smiling is Grace Gardner, who's opening her arms even before she's properly in her daughter's personal space. Once in front of Richie, she embraces the younger girl with all her strength. 

"That's beautiful, honey" she says right before Rose mutters an curious and surprised "Is this real, Rafe?".

"Yeah" the boy answers flatly and when Grace lets go of Richie, she almost stumbles backward. Rafe catches her by her shoulders and she feels weird to have all their parents eyes on them like they are starving of acts like that to, maybe, prove something about their relationship. Rafe lets go of Richie, but the closeness gets bigger as they stand there, under scrutiny. Feels like Richie's bigger nightmare? As she analyzes it, she's surprised to think she expected it to be much worse: the heavy and constant sense of doing something wrong agitates her stomach and heart, but seeing the others' reactions is helping her feel like she can face it without throwing up and crying. For now, at least. "We didn't want to tell tonight considering it's Kat's engagement party" 

"But you know how grandma is" Richie says, half apologizing, to her parents. Her dad smiles at his daughter, before caressing her chin in a genuine gesture that Rafe hasn't ever received, not in a while for sure.

"We didn't even know you were-" Ward starts and looks between Richie and Rafe, back and forth, with a confused smile on his lip. His son tenses a bit, but if the man notices, she's not sure. "Together"

"When this happened" Rose asks, not really asking. "Why didn't you tell us you were seeing each other?"

"Last Christmas" Richie tells the woman and then lets her stare slipping through all the others' faces. "Then we saw each other at New Year Eve and, you know-" 

"You know, some of us like privacy" Rafe interrupts Richie, clearly for her stepmom to catch as a not friendly comment. "We wanted to keep it quiet" 

"Well, from not telling anyone to announcing a wedding there are a lot of other steps in between. Especially considering you two's turbulent history" Noah makes them notice, but then he reaches for the kids and takes both of them in. "Come here. I'm happy for you"

"Thank you, dad" Richie whispers, squeezed between her dad and Rafe, who's clearly uncomfortable by the physical interaction, when finally the man lets go of them and the others congratulate as well. Rose pats Rafe's cheek in a way that's everything but friendly and with a look in her eyes that says don't screw up, before going for a quick hug with Richie. On the other hand, Ward embraces both the younger boy and the girl and can't help but feel nervous when Rafe tenses in his dad's arms. Then, like the kid is finally realizing what's going on, he leans towards the man's hug and smiles against Ward's shoulders, eyes closed, when his dad pats him in the back. For a moment, Richie can't look at anything but them, wondering. 

"I'm surprised" Ward comments in his kid's ear, but Richie is close enough to catch his words. "But congratulations, son. This a good news, it really is" 

"Thanks, dad" Rafe mutters, voice soft like Richie hasn't ever heard him talking, before letting go of his dad's body completely. The girl tries to not stare more than she already has, but there's something magnetic for her to watch Rafe around his dad when they aren't fighting. She wonders if she looks the same, when she feels like she's making her parents proud. Then Rafe's eyes meet hers and his facial expression hardens when he realizes she's observing him. Richie looks aways. 

"So" Rose starts and, like Margaret, looks for the future bride's hand, finding it empty. She turns towards Rafe like she can't believe him. "Did you propose without a ring?" 

"Who do you think I am" her stepson comments, but Richie refrains from the need to laugh. Rose probably links the ring to a romantic proposal, kneeling and all, but Rafe was actually sitting in Richie's office and shoved the box over it like it was a business matter. "I gave her my mom's ring. It needs some adjustment, that's all"

Before anyone can say anything, or Rose straightens her spine at the mention of the old Cameron lady, another voice interrupts and it's Kat, intruding the conversion like she's interrupting something important. Her eyes move between the presents and she smiles, hand tied to Michael at her back. 

"What's going on here?" she asks naively, she smiles to no one in particular and Richie asks herself how her sister is gonna react to the news, dropped during her engagement party like a bomb. She doesn't have to wait much to find out. 

"Richie and Rafe are getting married" the mom of the two girls announces, preceding everyone else. Kat's eyes widen slightly, eyebrows furrowed and mouth that seems ready to say something, maybe ask them if they can repeat. Except that who spoke the next words isn't Kat, so her sister can't understand if she's mad or not for crashing her party, but a voice that belongs to someone that briefly Richie forgot about. 

"What" everyone looks at the younger future bride's back, Richie's the faster to turn towards Madeleine's shocked face, mouth hanging open, the surprise in her expression sharing its presence with another feeling painted on her dark features. It needs a moment, eyes into each other, for Richie to recognize it. Betrayal. 

"Made-" her friend starts, but the curly haired girl's jaw squeezes and, when she moves her stare into Rafe's, disgust is all she lets him read. The boy smiles and when Richie notices it, she mutters him to fucking stop under her breath before walking fast behind Madeleine. Her friend's steps are so fast that Richie would say she's running, causing the other to almost miss her as she leads her way through the crowd, the bodies of people that are genuinely enjoying Kat and Michael's party. On her way to catch up with Madeleine, who's clearly leading for a way out the wing reserved for the event, Richie almost stumbled into one of her waiters who apologizes like it's been his fault. Her consoling words, swearing it's been all on her, dissipates quickly as she walks past him and finally the last room reserved to the party ends, meaning that now there are just Madeleine running a marathon in an empty hallways and Richie trying to follow her timing, but she has always been terrible in any kind of sport. 

"Mads-" she calls, breathing short, as the other seems perfectly fine with her own respiratory apparatus. "Can you stop? And talk-" 

"Rafe" Madeleine spats, first thing she says when she stops abruptly and the fact that Richie was much behind her is the only reason why she doesn't bump right into her friend's chest and anger. "Rafe! Marrying Rafe Cameron. Are you kidding me, Richie?"

"No, I-" but words are missing and Richie's words stay empty of something meaningful to say, hanging open and making her look like a fool. What is she supposed to tell her? The truth? As fast as the thought comes into her mind, she knows she can't for many reasons. Fairly, Madeleine would asks her to not do that -marry Rafe for pure convenience- and also because apparently, now, Richie and Rafe are a team, whether she likes it or no, and after what she pulled with her grandma, she won't take decision for the two of them without talking about it first with the boy. If he keeps his words about doing it together, Richie will too: it means that she can't tell Madeleine the truth, even if she would agree on covering them. 

"He made your life terrible. He made you go through hell at school. And who was always next to you?" just because it's a rhetorical question doesn't mean Richie doesn't try to answer. Her friend cut her, though. "Me. I was the one fixing what he broke on purpose. And now you're marrying him? Is he forcing you? This is completely out of nowhere and I can't-" 

"No" Richie attempts and leans back, when Madeleine steps forward. Both their eyes widened, surprised, and if Richie tries to not let her friend believe she's scared of the sudden movement, the other doesn't let her angry mask leave her face. Understably, but it hurts. "He's not forcing me doing anything"

"Why on earth are you marrying him, then" Madeleine keeps asking, moving her hand to underline her thoughts. "What happened? How? When?! Because I feel like I have just be thrown into your life without even knowing you" 

"I know what he did to me" Richie whisper and, no, she can't really forget and even less forgive: this marriage doesn't mean she will simply move on and will be able to look at Rafe and don't see the child and then the teenager that made her school years how Madeleine just described them, a living hell. Just because Richie made Rafe and people's words a life lesson, doesn't make every alright. Rafe has been a bad person and just because he kept his mouth shut in the last months, the ones after dropping out of college, or maybe even since Christmas holidays, doesn't mean Richie suddenly believed he wanted to make amends. For what she knows about him, he probably doesn't give a shit about what he did, or does, hurting people. But, again, this is a marriage for pure convenience and Richie is a woman that can see past feelings when it comes to business: marrying Rafe won't give just her parents (and his) something to be proud of her, so she can feel better in a very twisted unhealthy way, it will give her family wealth, materially and socially, will bond the families together and will make their emperors stronger. Richie has plans for the future of her family business and marrying Rafe means they can be more concrete: the Camerons have many resources, not just economical -which is the last thing that Richie needs from the boy, because she can afford whatever she wants- but places, people, ways of work out of her path. That's why she lies to Madeleine again. "But sometimes people apologize and others believe them, because they seem sincere. I wanted to believe Rafe and here I am" 

"When exactly this happened" Madeleine asks. 

"The beginning of the year. After Christmas and then New Year Eve, we-" Richie swallows, interrupting her lie she sees Madeleine face paints in disbelief. "I'm sorry for not telling you" 

"Why didn't you?" 

"I knew you wouldn't have liked it" and when the girl's mouth opens in what seems like a protest, Richie's arms move to indicate that exact moment. "Can you blame me?" 

Richie feels dirty. 

"Yes, I can blame you" Madeleine insists, but takes a step backwards. "If you told me months ago, hey, Mads, maybe I'm falling in love with Rafe Cameron of all the people I would help you figure it out"

"So you could have convinced me to not-" the words stuck in Richie's throat, unable for a moment to say them aloud, it never occurred to her that though, but now she has to face them. Madeleine rolls her dark eyes. "Fall in love with him" 

The other scoff, the betrayal still painted all over her face. "I wouldn't-" 

Richie thinks it fair, but it doesn't stop her from saying her next words. "You would have. You're a good friend, but I'm not stupid. He had a crush on you in school and despite both of you being popular, very attractive and very rich, you never thought he was worth your time-" 

"Because popularity, attractiveness and wealth aren't everything, when you're a classist asshole" 

Richie ignores her, even though she agrees. "So you would have tried to stop me. From liking him. For the same reasons" a pause. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn't have tried to change my mind if I would have came up to you and telling you I was falling in love with him" 

There is a moment of pause that from Madeleine sounds like a confirmation and gives Richie time to feel bad for the way she's lying. Partially, because if her story would be true, she knows that's exactly what Madeleine would have done: trying to stop Richie from getting involved with someone like Rafe. 

"I would have accepted it" the other answers, but it's weak. "Eventually" 

And that's all they tell each other that night, in which they should have danced and had fun, instead it ends with Madeleine walking away and Richie not able to hold her tears anymore. They fall down her cheeks silently, like they are scared to make too much noise, because Richie doesn't cry in front of others and certainly she doesn't do it aloud. She learned to, as a matter of surviving. Which is the same reason why she hears someone walking behind her and, as a ghost, she slips away, down the hallway. Her office, on the opposite side of the resort from where she hopes the party is still going well, it's a safe place. It's a bubble of comfort, she has snacks, cigarettes and peace as she sits on a chair in her small terrace, with a view of the ocean that it's dark. It scares Richie during the day, it scares her at night, but it's fascinating anyway as the pale moon makes the calm water shine. She doesn't stay alone for much, not even the time for a whole cigarette and a mess of thoughts that keeps getting messier, when she hears someone behind her: she turns, not sure about who it is, and she doesn't give Rafe the time to show herself surprised, because she's turning off what's left of her cigarette on the nearest ashtray and dry her tears while doing so. She hopes he doesn't notice it. 

"What do you want" she asks, the kindness in her voice gone, broken by the cry she was letting herself go and by the anger she's feeling just knowing Rafe is near her. He sees the tears badly dried in her cheeks, but doesn't say anything, as he leans against the frame of the door leading back inside from the balcony. She looks straight to the water in front of her, purposely ignoring him. 

"See how you are doing" he says, not really like it should be obvious, in his voice uncertainty. 

"I'm doing fine" Richie assures and her hands squeeze in fists, lying on her lap. "As you can see" 

"You look like shit" it's his answer and Richie laughs quietly at that, knowing it's probably the nervousness acting for her. Before she can add anything to her hysterical laugh, he walks towards her and, without asking for permission, he falls on the chair next to her. He gets himself comfortable, she keeps not looking at him, but he does look at her and probably her hardness is what makes him blur his next words. "I'm sorry" 

Her head turns abruptly, swallowing when her eyes meet him in the partial darkness of the night. She doesn't ask about what and she has the feeling that, if she'd ask him to explain what he's referring to, he won't tell her: though, he keeps his stare in hers and she knows.

"You shouldn't listen to conversations that you're not supposed to hear" Richie tells him, looking for a relaxed attitude, when she gets back to the view in front of them. It's a weak attempt. "It's rude" 

Rafe ignores her. "And I never had a crush on Madeleine"

Richie's eyes narrow. "I don't care" 

"I know" he tells quietly, in the corner of her eye, she sees him fidgeting with his golden ring. "I was just trying to make it clear because everyone always thinks I like someone just because they are hot-" 

"Well, it's your fault, isn't it?" Richie asks, clearly remembering how easily he flirted with everyone rich and pretty. Never pushing himself too further, which was the reason why she always thought he did it for his own sake. The fear of rejection, in Madeline's case, now she's not sure anymore. "You always flirted with her. You invited Martha Graham to last year prom and she's really beautiful-" 

"If arguing all the time for you it's flirting, I flirted with you too. In the last couple of years, at least" Rafe tells her, like it's obvious, but Richie doesn't think he's being sincere. She saw the way he looked at Madeleine, like everyone else looked at her friend, and she was sure Rafe never reserved such a stare to her. A doubt grows in her, though. What if she saw too much in his eyes when he looked at Madeleine? "About Martha, she asked me to prom and, yeah, she is hot and all, but it ended after that night. I wouldn't have invited her, but she did before I could have think of someone" 

"So you just told her yes?" 

He shrugs. "It was convenient" 

"You do a lot of things out of convenience" 

Rafe smirks and looks at Richie, unable to hold back hers, when their eyes meet. "I wouldn't have asked her to marry me" 

She pretends to be amused, now, but she's not sure. "Why not" 

He shrugs. "She would have thought I was in love with her or something, and at that point it would have been impossible to get rid of her"

"Maybe you would have fallen in love with her, after all" Richie suggests quietly and she opens the pack of cigarettes and takes one from the last remaining. After a moment of pondering, she throws the box to Rafe, as a quiet offer, that he catches easily. "Would it be impossible?" 

Rafe watches Richie lift her stick with a lighter, admiring her face enlightened by the fire, as he waits for his turn. "Impossible. She doesn't have a personality. What would I fall in love with?"

For a moment Richie stays quiet and Rafe isn't sure she's gonna say anything at all, as they both enjoy the nicotine and feel their lungs burn. Then, he hears her taking a breath. Though, she takes another moment to herself. "Are we really doing it?"

"Yeah. We are" Rafe mutters and looks in front of her. He frowns. "Are you-are you having second thoughts?"

Richie snorts, but smiles, as she inhales from the cigarette. "What would you say" 

"I'd say yes, yeah" he mutters, exhaling and matching her breath. "I know I made things difficult during the past years. With you first and then with Madeleine, but she's gonna come around and eventually accept it"

"Maybe she shouldn't accept it" Richie mutters, but sounds like she's talking more to herself than Rafe. "But I'm gonna talk to her again and see if she can try to not sabotage this marriage. Or try to cut your head off the first time she gonna see you"

"Thanks"

"You don't deserve it" 

"Yeah, I can imagine" he mutters and he repeats: "When I said I'm sorry, I was-" 

"Let's not talk about it, okay?" Richie asks and he almost protests, when he sees her extremely serious face avoiding him and nods. After several moments, souls are getting more relaxed and they finish their cigarettes in peace, getting rid of them in the nearby ashtray. It's Richie who breaks the silence again and even her tone is different, now, almost chill which is a paradox because she looks tired. "We will have to kiss, touch, show physical affection"

He laughs lowly, more because he didn't think she would have been the one bringing it up. "Are you realizing it now?"

Her eyes widen when she glances at him, he smirks. "Yeah? Did you think about it?" 

"Sure" he answers as it isn't a big deal. "Before asking you the second time, I've analyzed the whole marriage things in all its part" 

"Oh" she whispers and she feels stupid for not having think of it before, or for having told him just now. Her mouth opens and closes, many times, before she finds the courage to say her next words. "Want to kiss?" 

Rafe's head snaps after her question, but Richie isn't still looking so she registers it in the corner of her eyes, purposely admiring the ocean. When he doesn't answer and contemplates her options to get out of that shameful situation as best as she can, she throws him a glance and decides for the truth soaked in coldness. "Don't make any idea, it's just for practical purposes. Better if the first time it's not in front of our families, I'm gonna die, if we aren't believable"

The boy swallows, but he's already standing from his deckchair and walking toward hers. His voice is the steadiest Richie has ever heard. "Sure. Why not" 

She crosses her legs in front of her and adjusts her dress in a way that doesn't stop her movements, as he takes a seat in front of the girl and opens his legs from both sides of the chair. He looks at Richie. "You sure?"

"It's just a kiss, Rafe" she tells him. "We're not gonna have a realization about out feelings like we are in The Proposal or something"

"Haven't seen that movie" he tells her. 

"I'll add it you to watch list, considering your habit of asking people to marry you just for convenience purposes" she mutters and he's about to protest, ready to say it's not an habit if he did just once and he's not planning to turn Richie in the first of a long list, when she she interrupts him by pressing her lips over his his.

For a moment, they froze, but just because they would have laughed if anyone would have told them that they would have sit in her private balcony, out of her office, engaged and kissing like kids that didn't spend all their childhood disliking each other. I still dislike him, no matter how many kisses we're gonna exchange, Richie reminds herself, but shutting her eyes closed when Rafe presses his lips more against hers. They part for him, he gets himself comfortable as he always does, arrogantly, when someone is welcoming to him and he thinks it's owed to him. When his tongue brushes her bottom lip in a principle of caress, Richie pushes away, holding herself away from a fraction of second, before she kisses the corner of Rafe's lips and moves until his are the ones parting this time and she's the one leading the way. When she thinks he's gonna protest for the lack of power she's letting him have, he follows her with complaints. Actually, his head bends more and Richie takes it as an invitation to get herself comfortable, slipping one of her hands on the nape of his neck and pulling him closer. She barely registers his hand moving from her crossed legs and up to her thighs, covered by the green dress that her grandma insulted without shame. They plant on her hip, she feels that, and she answers by pulling him closer, even though their lips are already melting into each other and their noses keep touching. 

No one of them hears steps approaching, until someone clears their throat and they jump in surprise. Wheezie smiles like she's over the moon, as her brother and now sister in law looks at her like she's an alien, breath frantic. 

"When dad and Rose told me, I was skeptical, but I'm not anymore after this" the little girl tells, eyes slipping back and forth between Rafe and Richie. She's amused, but she softens her voice and expression when she sees the two aren't gonna say anything, too tangled into what they were doing a moment before. "They sent me to check everything was alright after you disappeared. Kat was worried-" 

"Everything it's fine" Rafe tells her sister abruptly, but it's not rude. Not wanting to look at him, Richie keeps her stare into Wheezie and smiles to underline his words. 

"Fine" she repeats, between a short breath and another. 

"I can see" the younger mutters, then she points to her back, to the room behind her and generally to the party. "I'll go tell them that. But don't disappears again, or they'll send me her again and-" 

"Yeah" Richie assures Wheezie and Rafe sees her smile to his sister. "We're coming" 

"Okay, then" the younger takes a step backwards, but after another look at the two in front of her, she can't help but add: "That's super cool, by the way". 

Richie's heart aches at Wheezie's jovial expression and she barely hears Rafe thanking her, but also telling the kid to go away now. Wheezie leaves with a laugh and Richie falls back into her chair, finally looking at Rafe. He holds her stare, sure she's gonna say something about the kiss. She doesn't. 

"We're gonna break their hearts, when they'll find out" she confides and her eyes are steady, but lucid.

"That's why they are not gonna find out" he answers, standing from the end of the deckchair and the other looks up at him. "Let's keep it between us, okay? No one, Richie, I'm serious, just me and you" 

She nods, sure that she won't be the one to tell anyone -shame would overcome her and she's not ready for that- but dubious about a mistake, or someone finding out taunts her mind. He invites her to stand as well, so they can leave and avoid seeing Wheezie appear again. When Richie is standing in front of Rafe, they keep their mouths shut for a moment and it's a heavy one, until the girl's slips away from his personal space and gains her own. 

-

"We thought we should discusse a share of each other business-"

"No" 

The table falls silent, every eye on Richie, except Rafe's, whose smile is the only thing that distracts Ward Cameron from the flat abrupt answer that his son's future wife just gave him. 

Richie expected a meeting like that, all the Gardners and the Camerons around the same table, now that they are finally officially tied to each other -or almost- but she hoped she had more time to see it happen. Instead, they are all sitting in her house garden, under the hot sun of those summer days in light clothes and jovial smiles, during the first lunch after Kat's engagement party. Richie apologized to her sister the night before, for dropping the news of her and Rafe's wedding during an event that should have been just for the older Gardner and her fiancé. Kat just smiled and kissed her head, I hope you're happy she whispered and Richie swore she was. That's all that matters then. 

She cried a bit the previous night after that, after her sister's sweet words, as Richie questioned all her and Rafe's choices. Eventually she fell asleep, eyes red, already knowing what kind of day was waiting for her and what she would have dealt with. Her mom's joy, her dad's long glances, Wards and Rose's long but calculated hugs. What she didn't expect was Rafe's light, gentle, greeting kiss on her temple, as he squeezed her neck and watched his sisters being welcomed by Richie's parents with honey and love. She would have dared to say that his gesture was a reassuring one, but she got distracted before she had the chance to overanalyze it, when Sarah made a joke about Rafe and he visibly grew nervous. While the two bickered back and forth, Richie couldn't help but notice her dad and Ward exchanging whispered words, in their own world as usual. Just because Richie expected that too, though, doesn't mean that she likes what they are now proposing to her and that she's gonna agree: she's doing a lot of things to please the people around the table, even before herself, but she's not gonna share her family business and society with the Camerons. 

Everyone is looking at her, clearly not expecting her to give such abrupt confident answers. On the other hand, Rafe's the only one smiling, because that exact morning told his dad to not push himself too further with that partnership, but did the older Cameron hear what his son had said? Rafe doubted about it and now he sees the glance he's serving his older kid -annoyed, maybe even scolding- before getting back to Richie. 

"It could be a good deal, guys" Noah tells them, as Rosie drinks her white wine, too interested in the conversation. 

"Maybe we should give them time to think about it" Richie's mom suggests and her daughter looks at her, not really surprised that she is the diplomatic one. The younger of her daughters pours herself some Coca Cola, because she hates wine, and drinks from her glass, before interrupting Ward that is agreeing with Grace. 

"No" the younger repeats and Wheezie blinks behind her big glasses. "I don't want to share a society with Rafe. We won't think about it, because I don't agree"

"Rachel-" Noah starts and the tone is a serious, warning one. 

"There are two people in this relationship" Ward makes Richie notice and it's clear what his stare is stating when he looks to his son again and, suddenly, happens what Rafe had predicted and didn't want to. Ward is telling side with me without the need to use words, but the boy's eyes unvolutary slips to the person sitting next to him at the table, whose eyes are doing the same exact thing. They are getting married to please their families, but he knows he have to stick with Richie if they want to make it work and she seems really determined to keep her position. He can guess why.

"We'll talk about it" he exhales in the end, watching Richie's expression paint in an expression similar to a betrayal. He doesn't think he ever saw her do that to him, because she never needed to: usually they have always been in two very different positions, one against the other. Then, Rafe turns toward the adults. "But if Richie is still gonna say no, we won't" 

He's sure she's gonna protest right there, sitting at the table full of empty plates and full stomach, but before he can kick her leg and ask her to shut up for everyone's sake, Sarah interrupts. 

"So that's exactly what it needed for Rafe to learn his place?" she asks. "A girlfriend? If I knew, I would have set him up with someone a long time ago" 

"Please, spare us" the boy tells his sister and narrows his eyes, playing nervously with the handle of the fork in his empty plate. "You're not even funny" 

"I thought we would talk about the wedding" Wheezie complains, interrupting his siblings' annoying exchange, and Richie finds herself glad that someone is stopping the two. Usually it can be even amusing or enlightening, but if she's gonna hear Rafe and Sarah any longer today, when her nerves are already under pressure, she's gonna snap. 

"Marriage has many aspects" Rose tells her younger step daughter and smiles at her, gesture that the girl doesn't reply back. The she drops the bomb. "Economical too. You'll understand when you'll eventually grow up and get married"

"Nothing Sarah has to worry about since she's gonna end up marrying a Pogue" Rafe tells everyone, but Wheezie in particular, and the middle sibling snorts to his words. "They'll end up living on the Château, best scenario. Worst? His falling apart boat" 

"That's really classist" Michael tells Rafe, sitting in front of him, and Richie almost forgot about him there, but Kat too. The man is really quiet, everyone suspects because he's one of those people that always think they're gonna disturb others, but Kat is easily falling for his quiet behavior. "I'm sure he's a nice guy, that will share with your sister what they'll need"

"Thank you, Michael" Sarah answers, throwing Rafe a glance that says see, he's a nice guy, you should learn. Her brother makes a face. 

"He's an idiot" Rafe says. "Would have been dozen or more of people from The Cut better than him" 

"I like John B" Ward says from the other side of the table and Rose nods to his words, as his husband refers to her daughter's new boyfriend. "And I like Richie. No reason to put one against the other" 

Rafe next to Richie snorts, she knows his little childish fight with Sarah just turned into something bigger by the redness of his cheeks. 

"Rafe-" Richie mutters and she has this bone deep feeling that this isn't even about her, it's about him and his dad, and his stare is so loud that for a moment she thinks he didn't hear her. Eventually, he lets his dad's challenging stare and look at her, he refrains from the need to roll his eyes and doesn't see Richie look past him, once he turns pretending forced disinterest. 

Now, she has never been antagonistic to Ward Cameron, but the way she holds his glacial eyes without even blinking, unafraid, says that they might have a problem if the man is gonna have more to say about Rafe and this marriage than he's allowed to. Rafe is a pain in the ass, he's exactly what Michael called him and it's easy to turn on when a fight appears at the horizon, but Ward can be worse. 

"Can we talk about the other aspects of the wedding?" Wheezie asks and it's an obvious attempt to let tension go and change the topic for good. "Like the dress. Can I come for the choice of the dress?" 

"Sure you can" Grace assures the kid, while Richie's stomach protests at the thought of going shopping, but even more at the thought of going shopping with people staring at her. She likes to go alone, or with Madeleine, who usually doesn't insist if Richie doesn't like something and tells her she doesn't even want to get out of the changing room. But now Madeleine is avoiding Richie like she's the plague, reading texts and ignoring them, so the future bride is pretty sure she's not gonna show up to her invitation to go pick out a wedding dress in two days. "Kat is gonna wear the one that was mine, so we didn't go anywhere to pick a new one, but we can go with Richie to pick hers" 

"Cool. Cool" Wheezie smiles to herself and drinks from her glass of Coca Cola and ice, now surely melted. 

"Richie, honey. And Rafe, of course" Grace calls and both their heads turn simultaneously, eyes surprised because the tone the girl's mom is using is particularly sugar-coated and both of them have a bad feeling about it. "Me and dad talked about it this morning with Kat and Michael and they agreed. The Camerons think it's a good idea as well and-" 

"What it is about, mom" Richie mutters, looking to her sister for support, but facing not just a smile, but a bright one that gives the younger shivers. Back to her mom, she feels her heart aching. 

"We thought you might get married the same day as Kat and Michael" Noah ends instead of his wife, stretching one hand to grab his older daughter's and at the same time smiling at Richie on the other side of the table. The younger's mouth opens and closes, thinking that it's worse than what she would have considered and imagining already her next to Kat, white dresses, one always shining more than the other. She's not the one, usually. 

Again, since Rafe's first proposal, she feels the need to throw up as a sort of cathartic act. 

Again, she refrains herself from doing so, but she gets ready to refuse, categorically, when Rafe anticipates her answer. 

"Can we-can we think about it?" 

-

"You're making their lives very difficult" Rafe announces himself after lunch, when Ward and Noah are already excluding themselves from any other conversation for their business bubble, Sarah left to go to her boyfriend's place and Richie ignored what the others started to do, when she excused herself for a moment and left her chair at the table. She ignored Kat's frowning stare and went for the back garden, looking desperately for a pack of cigarettes left somewhere around the porch and its coffee tables, or the wooden under the windows. She found nothing, so she sits restless on the stairs that lead to the garden with the pool and her mom's winter garden and watches as a bee flies around their bright Hortenses. She doesn't even turn, when Rafe approaches. 

"They're masters of complicating mine" she tells him, feeling him always closer, until he reaches her same step and sits. He's wearing a well ironed shirt, his hair blonder under the sun than they usually are and his eyes are a bright blue. He makes a face, when she looks at him and purses her lips.

"I know, but we're also gonna marry to make them happy" he tells her, for once weirdly unsure. "What's the point of getting married because of them, and then not doing what they want us to do" 

"Because the fact that we are getting married for them it's already a big sacrifice, don't you think?" 

"Technically, they didn't ask us to" Rafe makes her notice, but she gives him a hard stare and he rolls his eyes. "Okay. Are we gonna tell them no about everything?"

"Absolutely yes" Richie answers, simple as that. The sighs and the change in her mood is so visible and clear, that Rafe is surprised. "Hey, do you have smoke?" 

He opens his mouth, eyebrows lifted in surprise after the question, but then he closes it and nods. She doesn't even thank him when she serves herself and steals the lighter appearing from the pocket of his dark trouser without waiting for him to give it to her. He follows her example and turns on his own cigarette, inspiring, when she's already exhaling a cloud of smoke.

"About the shares" she starts, voice pitched, but frowning to herself. "It's not like I don't want us to work together, I do, I have some ideas too that we could work together on. It's just that we can make better deals, no need to buy shares from each other's companies" she stops for a moment, looking at Rafe to see his reaction. He doesn't look her way, doesn't blink. He waits for her to keep talking, as he smokes. "We could open a shared account, both names, and put our money there. It will be easy when we'll divorce" 

Richie says it moving the hand holding the cigarette a bit too frantically and Rafe tries to remember when was the last time he saw Richie like that: she seems drunk, like when people drink too much and they can't stop talking, finding everything amusing and being loud, because they don't want to be sad. But Rafe saw Richie drinking anything but Coca Cola, so he knows she's not drunk, but just a lot nervous. Last time she got that close to this state was when he walked to her office and asked to marry him -again- but back then she was less talkative, less open, far more scared.

He doesn't say anything and her frown grows deeper. "You know why I don't want to, don't you? What's mine is mine, what's yours is yours and I want to keep it this way. My sister left the business to me and I'm the only heir and you-'' a pause and a sigh. "Sarah probably will do the same. Wheezie is still very young. We might be the only ones leading our companies, don't you want to have yours all to yourself?" 

Her eyes are big and sincere, as she looks at him like he needs to hear this and agree with her. Rafe doesn't think it happened once, since they know each other, that she leaned on him like that.

"Do you trust me more with your money than a share that will probably be so small to not give me power over nothing?" he asks, like he's not sure he understands. Not fully, at least.

"Money comes and goes, Rafe" she tells him, but he still doesn't seem sure and a thought appears in Richie's mind. "Will you have problems with managing our money?" 

He answers too fast, too abruptly, so he's the one giving himself away telling Richie he's, in fact, lying. "No" 

"Liar" the girl accuses him and he sighs, when she corners him with a hard stare. "Can you at least be honest with me? Like, for real. We have to deal with this shit together and if you're gonna make this hard, I swear-" 

"You're so dramatic, did someone ever tell you that?" when Richie doesn't answer, but gives him a long challenging glance as she takes a drag, Rafe sighs. "Sometimes I tend to use them for things I shouldn't, but I can manage them. Don't worry" 

From the tone of the admission, Richie thinks that probably it's costing him everything to tell aloud, so she wonders how difficult it must be for him to tell it to her. Or maybe to anyone, because she's sure he's not someone that allows himself to look vulnerable or wrong, human. She gets that, she doesn't like others seeing crying, considering it as a sign of weakness she doesn't want others to take advantage of. 

"Drugs?" Richie dares to ask, slowly, lowly, like she's scared he's gonna run away. He doesn't, but he doesn't answer either. "I'm sure I should tell I'll help you-" 

"Don't" Rafe mutters and breathes smoke in. "Don't tell me that. I don't need it, I'll manage okay?" 

"Rafe-" 

"Just because we're getting married doesn't mean we are friends" Rafe tells her and his voice is serious, like it doesn't have space for argument. "We're partners now -business partners- and I'm telling you that money won't be a problem, I'll deal with it myself" 

Richie's jaw squeezes. "It's not reassuring" 

"Trust me with this, or trust me with a share" he tells her glacially and she looks at him, like he's another person, not the same he was talking about a moment before. The image of Rafe snorting coke at a party appears in mind, it gives her nausea. "It's up to you"

"Is it a threat?" but if she meant to sound challenging, she fails, Rafe notices it because his eyes find hers and for a moment there's just silence. 

"It's me giving you two options" he shrugs and, unable to bear her stare longer, he looks between his feet. "My dad will be pleased with you accepting what he proposed and it will be better for me too, but if you prefer to share an account and make this way-" he shrugs again. "We will. Just don't get paranoid over it" 

Rafe it's a wall. Richie hears him talking and she knows he won't accept a word out of her mind about this topic, if she keeps bringing drugs up. Though, it scares her, because she knows that if Rafe is not gonna manage his growing addiction, it won't be just a problem about their money once married, it will be also for his own health and her safety. She saw him high, he gets angry and paranoid, he gets in fights easily because he gets on the defensive from the whole world and just because he never hurt her -physically- doesn't mean that the thought doesn't cross her mind. 

The coke it's what she guesses it's a recent habit, they have been classmates since the early days and all he got high with in high school was weed. She found him once smoking a joint in a janitor closet and blackmailed him after that, but he smoked with her at parties too, sometimes in the same circle, sometimes not, but it was always just marijuana. Coke was a step Rafe started taking in the last couple of months, Richie guessed college, because it wasn't something she ever saw him doing in high school. Now, she can just hope it's really a relatively recent habit that he'll be able to shut down. She also asks herself if she should do more, but her question stays unanswered. 

"Fine" she says in the end and exhales nicotine. "Just don't screw up" 

"Have a little faith" Rafe scoffs, but Richie knows he's bluffing. 

They fall silent, quiet, when they have questions, thoughts, ideas going through their minds, but they don't share them because it's easier to simply sit and smoke as a copy mechanism for the argument they just had. Cool it down. Usually, fights were an everyday event back to school days, but now lately they got along more than they like to admit, due to the whole marriage thing. It makes them nervous without them telling aloud, but it worked as a glue like no project in high school has ever been able to. 

They finish their cigarettes and Richie pushes an ashtray found nearby towards Rafe, placing it between the two of them: he uses it, glancing at her as he does so. 

"So" he starts and clears his throat when. Richie blinks, waiting for him to keep talking. When Rafe stops pouting, he looks up at her at the same moment in which the sun of that hot day enlightens her figure, skin pale as milk and full of freckles covering her like the stars cover the sky. "What about the wedding? The whole let's get married with Kat and her defensor-of-the-poor husband?"

"My answer is no" Richie tells him and closes an eye against the sunlight that is blinding her. "And I know yours is no too" 

A short laugh, mixed to an amused scoff. "You don't know that"

"You and your family can't live out of the spotlight, Rafe" she reminds him and he rolls his eyes at her words. "Look at me, in the eyes, and tell me you want to share your wedding day with someone else" 

"It's not like it's our, you know, big day or something" he mutters, but when Richie gives him a knowing look, one that says liar again, he sighs. "Fine. You're right. I don't want to get marry with your sister and his boyfriend" 

"Was it so difficult to admit?" she asks and then she's already forgetting about it, sighing about something else. "Did you think we would have married so fast?" 

They exchange a glance, a heavy one, before the boy shrugs. 

"No?" it comes out like a question out of Rafe's mouth. "I mean, thinking about it, I'm asking myself if it isn't better. What's the point of waiting? And I'm not talking just about us, it's a very general thought: sometimes couples need a whole year or more of preparations. Unless it's for major reasons, I don't see the point" 

"They want it to be perfect" she whispers, like it's a secret. 

"Wouldn't you be more excited about the thought of starting your life with someone as fast as you can, than picking the perfect dress? Or choosing the perfect decorations?" Rafe asks and Richie sits there, in silence, looking at him clearly avoiding her stare as a light blush colors his cheeks. She would have mocked him for it in another situation, but not now, his speech makes a point and is sweet. She never thought that the day in which she would have looked at Rafe and thought of the word sweet next to his name, would have come. But here it is. "Don't get me wrong. I like big, fancy, parties, especially when they celebrate me. But a whole year seems a lot when you can get marry to the person you love the day after" 

Her lips purse, a bit unsure about Rafe's speech because she's maybe seeing it: the romanticism, the sweeteners, that Rafe always hides. And it doesn't make her uncomfortable, no, it makes her uneasy. When she talks, her voice cracks. "For the same reason, shouldn't you want to -I don't know- marry me as late as you can?" 

"Not really, no" he answers flatly, but his face frowns. "Now, getting married can help us not have second thoughts. I didn't think we would have married this summer, maybe after that, but you mom proposing to get married in -what?- September, gave me something to think about. September isn't that bad"

"It's really close" 

"I know" Rafe smiles at Richie, like she's a child all of a sudden and she says something sweet, something naive. Before anyone can say anything, Rafe's expression changes like he just remembered something and, under Richie's focused stare, he looks for something on the chest pocket of his white shirt. His mom's ring comes out, unboxed and shining under the sunlight. "I was forgetting it" 

Richie swallows, when Rafe offers it to her and the little diamonds reflect the light in many colors. "Are you sure?" 

"Are you sure?" 

The question is simple, one that Richie should already have the answer to, considering how further they moved in less than twenty four hours. Last night she thought that Rafe and his marriage proposal were water under the bridge and in a couple of hours she found herself in a relationship, engaged, ready to get married before she had ever considered. Now, she looks at the ring and she feels transported back to her office, days prior, almost a week, when Rafe proposed the second time and reality crashed over her. The first time, back to midsummer, he could have been drunk, just tipsy, maybe high, but the second he was clearly lucid and it scared her. Like the ring scares Richie now, seeming heavier than it actually is. 

"We'll have to, you know-" Rafe's eyes are expectant, as she talks. "Buy an house and move in together, kissing in public and hold hand, hear people ask us when we will have a kid, going to each other's family dinner-"

"I know" Rafe tells her seriously. "But I'm not gonna have kids" 

"God, no" Richie exhales, shivers down her spine at the thought of having a child with Rafe, or with anyone, actually. Motherhood is another thing she gave for granted growing up, because others -society- always tell young girls that it's a step closer to becoming adults: but Richie isn't sure it's for her, having a child to look out for and taking the responsibility of another life. She wants to leave it to someone else, especially now that surely she's not gonna have one with Rafe. "We'll have very separate rooms when we'll move in together. But people will ask. And we'll have to do all those things -pretending- for a while. It can be years, Rafe, until we'll move on to someone we like more than pleasing our families" 

He shrugs, ring still in hand and displays for her to pick it up. When he doesn't know what to say, because she's right, but he's not even sure she's having second thoughts or wants him to have them, he closes his hand with the ring in his palm. In a moment, as he pulls himself away, she pushes hers toward him, showing him her empty fingers and moving them in a clear invitation of sliding the ring on the right one. He looks up and blinks in a silent question, when she nods. 

"Okay" he whispers, opening his palm again and showing his mom's ring. "If it fits, you'll have to eventually put it away for a couple of days, so they'll believe I didn't lie last night about making it adjusted" 

"Yeah, sure" she interrupts, in her voice Rafe hears what? A bit of excitement? He hides the surprise and cracks a smile to himself. 

The ring slides perfectly in Richie's finger ring.

-

The day of the fit of the dress is a nightmare. 

Richie is an avid compulsive buyer, she admits it, but usually she doesn't go with a group of people following her, waiting for her and judging every single piece of cloth she puts on. She has a whole room full of clothes next to her bedroom, which sometimes makes her feel bad for buying things that she doesn't always need, but the feeling of picking something that results nice for her is pleasing. The thing, though, is that usually she's alone when she goes around shops and spending hours picking dresses, deciding what's okay and what not, having a stressful cry in the fitting room if it's a bad day, or not caring if she can't find anything looking decent if it's a good day. A lot of the time, through the years, the only person with her was Madeleine, just her and her patience that, now, while Richie sits on a small stool with a horrible white dress on, isn't present. Richie misses Madeleine: she's a bit mad with her, but at the same time the future bride can't help but understand her best friend's point of view. Humanly speaking, Rafe is the worst pick to fall in love with, but also to improvvise an arranged marriage, but Richie knows it's a good one for business. 

But Madeleine doesn't know that, she thinks Richie is suddenly, unbelievably, in love with him and, well, can Richie blame her? They talked shit about him since the early school days, growing together but apart, never forgiving him for being such a dick. Now, a voice in Richie's head insists that Madeleine should have shown up, because you would have gone, in switched place.

While crying, alone in the dressing room, Richie tries to shut that thought away. She lost count of the many dresses she wore already, some she liked, some that the others liked. The latter have been the worst, because they didn't fit with her taste and, out of the changing room, she felt like making a fool of herself covers in white different textiles that made her look dumb. The one she's wearing now, three hours later, is one suggested by Rose and the more Richie looks at it -big tulle gown, corset so tight she's scared that all paillettes are gonna explode in someone's face- the more she thinks she looks like an wedding favor. She hates it and she hated every single one she put one, before stripping it off.

A knock at the door shakes her from her state, when clearly someone waits for her to answer and invites whoever is behind to come in. She doesn't do it straight away, she dries her cheeks and asks for a moment, hoping to lose the redness in her eyes that indicate she has been crying. 

"Come in" the girl mutters, but the person behind the door hears anyway and Richie is sure to see the nice girl has been helping her the whole morning around the shop, but she's surprised to see Kat smiling politely. 

"Richie-" she starts, when she realizes that her sister has been crying and now it's masking it. She doesn't bring it up, what comes in and closes the door at her back. "I know it's stressful-" 

"You don't know that" Richie answers, maybe harsher than she meant, but, really, she would bet that Kat wouldn't look that ridiculous with such a ridiculous dress. She didn't even have to go through this phase, because she simply put on their mom's wedding dress from the 80s and a dressmaker made sure to make it fit with both Kat and the twenty one century. It was an already nice dress, but when the features that called the old years have been resized so Richie's sister wouldn't have looked like she was in a Madonna's music video, it looked even nicer. Richie isn't jealous that Kat is gonna use it, because she wants to think that, if she would have been the first getting married, she would have been the one to inherit it. She hopes, at least. "Sorry" 

"No need to be" Kat tells, genuinely okay with her sister's tone. She gets close, wrapped into a white and blue flower dress and sits next to Richie. "Is it because of the dresses, or because Madeleine isn't here?" 

The younger one shakes her head, but she also shrugs. She's telling her I don't know. "Both. I guess" 

"Mmm" Kat murmurs and an arm slips gently around Richie's back, wrapping her with sister like a blanket, as she caresses her sister arm in slow sweet movements. "About the dress, you're just stressed and it's normal. I bet is stressful to get in and out those mortal traps every time-" 

"They are so heavy" Richie complains, voice broken like she did when she was younger and Kat was always next to her, licking Richie's wounds like the good big sister she is. Even when the younger one sounded like a spoiled kid, she never missed being gentle with Richie. 

"I can imagine" Kat whispers and then she looks up to the mirror in front of them, asking her sister to do the same. "But maybe it's also because we are forcing you to try something that has nothing to do with you. How many dresses did you pick and try because you liked them?" Richie doesn't try to answer, she knows it's rhetorical. "Barely a few. You wore almost exclusively the ones we suggested and look at you now, looking like a Rose Cameron in all this tulle and a giant veil. Is it yours, or ours wedding?" 

"Mine?" it comes out like a question. 

"Yours" Kat squeezes Richie's arm and looks at her sister intensely in her eyes, suddenly frowning. Maybe it's even unvolutary. "I want you to be happy. Are you happy, Richie?"

She thinks about it and the answer isn't yes, but no either. She's getting married to a man she doesn't love, she's in a constant perennial state of competition with everyone around her and her best friend hates her for both the things, without even knowing it. 

"I'm working on it" she answers in the end and takes a breath. 

"That's the spirit" Kat smiles, genuinely, like she's proud of Richie, but the younger one rejects this thought straight away. There's a long pause after that. "And forgive Madeleine if she can't seem to get over whatever is going on between the three of you. She will, eventually, just be patient. She wants to see you happy too, I swear"

Richie nods, not sure what her sister predicted is the truth or not, but she doesn't ask for a confirmation. Silence falls upon them, until the younger notices how spaced out her sister looks all suddenly and feels like she's an intruder in a moment that isn't supposed to be for her. 

"Are you okay?" Richie asks, careful with her tone and words. 

"How did you know Rafe was the one?" Kat wonders, eyes still somewhere else, mind too. Her younger sister's mouth hangs open. Never knew, she just thinks of it. 

-

On Saturday, Rafe proposes to Richie to go out together and it's less awkward than the girl would have thought. They sit together at one of the tables at the diner, the one where Richie would have usually gone with Madeleine, and they stay there for most of the night. 

They pick the further seats from the door, from the big windows facing the street and, mostly, from curious stares. It's Richie that proposes it and Rafe agrees quite happily, but once seated, if someone notices them anyway, they don't know. They are so busy planning and scheming first and ordering more french fries than they are supposed to eat and talking about whatever comes to their mind then, that they lose track of space and time. They even laugh -genuinely- at something the other has said, which confuses them at first, before relaxing. 

The night goes smoothly and Rafe pays for both of them, agreeing on Richie to do it the next time and sparing himself a speech about the fact that a woman can pay for a date, or at least split.

"Who said it was a date?" he asks, holding the door open for her with a casual relaxed gesture and following at Richie's heels right after. The night is humid and there aren't many people around, the street lamps barely enlighten the girl's face, but he knows the way her lips purses when she's embarrassed, so he can imagine the redness coloring her cheeks. 

"You know what I meant" she mutters, adjusting the collar of her top, as she goes for the passenger seat. 

Once inside, doors slammed shut, Rafe is tempted to answer with a cordial I know what you meant which actually means fake date, instead he stays silent for a moment and looks at the street in front of them. Richie does the same, when he whispers his next words and she's forced to turn and actually look at him. 

"It was" he tells her, finally reciprocating Richie's attention and observing her in the passenger seat, nervous like she's under process. "A date. You can offer me the next one, if you want to"

-

Rafe has a weird meaning of we should hang out and show others that we're together too, because Richie thought it was a way to at least spend some time publicly together, instead they just walked inside a Figure Eight party house together, before he flew away and she had to do her social business. 

She wasn't sure about going to that party, because she knew that once would have meant fun -music, weed, alcohol- while now it means stares. Tons of that. 

The first when they got out of Rafe's car and walked through the front garden, then they just grew and grew, as people greeted them with hey, man, heard about the news to the boy and hi, Richie, how it happened usually accompanied with waves and winks. She's sure she heard someone ask Rafe Richie Gardner? Really? when they got inside and the music was already many levels higher, as they probably thought  she couldn't hear, but she unvolutary looked over to Rafe and she saw him noticing her glance. Without an answer to whoever asked him that question, he just slipped his arm around her shoulders and walked away among bodies, more greetings and some silent stares. The gesture shook Richie a bit, because Rafe has a weird sense and timing for being touchy: he does very little, very briefly for a moment or two, before it is over, but when he does so, he does it like he means to be honest and her heart has a strange way to react to this. They kissed a couple of times after that first time at Kat's engagement party and Richie always tried to not think too much about the fact that they did it more when they were alone, than when they were in front of others. Whether they found themselves alone or with someone, it was usually Rafe the one showing signs of affection through innocent gestures or their making out sessions that she started to find pleasing somewhere after that first time. Richie thought it made sense that he tried to be more discreet with others around, considering that it wouldn't be appropriate to share long kisses in front of Ward Cameron, but the small action Rafe reserves her outside their private space -in the last days, her office during lunches, which doesn't feel that weird- never felt less honest. Richie considered Rafe to be a good actor.

Now, at least an hour after their arrival, she's serving herself a beer, him somewhere where she hopes he's not getting high on coke and music that seems higher moment after moment. Richie is moving her head to the rhythm of Dua Lipa, when she turns and comes face to face with Madeleine. Her long hair is tied in a braid, as she's wearing a nice red dress and no smile on her lip.

Though, she doesn't seem ready to fight, which pushes Richie to mutter a quiet "Hi" that isn't heard by the other, but read from her mouth. 

"Hey" Madeleine says louder, a cup of something in her hand, before she blurts out her next words. "I'm sorry"

Richie blinks, surprised, before her eyes wide. Her heart turns upside down, containing an excited feeling she's been feeling a bit too much lately: paradoxically, the guilt that she thought would have taunted her like a shadow, after agreeing with marrying Rafe, appears just in specific moments, from time to time. Which doesn't mean she lives with herself easily, because when those moments of happiness happen and the guilt for what she's doing knocks at the door, she feels guilty for being able to enjoy some moment too.

"I'm sorry too" Richie answers in a rush, for lying to you. "For not telling you before. I should have, I just-" 

"No, you were right" Madeleine interrupts and leaves her apparently empty cup on the nearest counter, as she lets a person pass between her body and Richie. The latter notices it's an old classmate from physics and both the girls see the glance the girl reserves for Richie: like she grew a third head, but maybe getting married to Rafe Cameron is worse. Before Madeleine can tell her to go away, the girl does it without need to be prompted, so the two friends are now alone again in a kitchen packed with people. "I would have made a drama out of it" 

"It's Rafe, so-" Richie shrugs. "It would have been understandable" 

"Yeah, it's Rafe" Madeleine says and purses her lips, before attempting a smile. Richie gets that, her best friend opening and apologizing, but still being unsure about what's going on. She appreciates the effort. "I should have tried to understand anyway, if you cared. He seems to, all sudden, but maybe it's just me that feels like it happened so fast" 

No, it's not just you, Richie thinks but holds it for herself, as her mind flies to her white dress and Madeleine's eyes to the ring in Richie's finger, as she holds her cup of beer. She doesn't comment about how beautiful the object is, how many did in the past days in which the girl could finally bring it around. She is scared to lose it, but she also stares at it so many times during the day that probably it would be impossible. 

"I should have come for the appointment to pick the dress" Madeleine continues and Richie thinks at the tears that rolled down her cheeks that day, anxious filling her chest for many things to count abs if she made out of there with decency was because of Kat. In the end, she found the dress, one that she chose and that had nothing to do with her mom's, or Rose's ones. It was more Richie's style, without heavy tulle, paillettes or intricated motives: it was simple, silk, elegant without trying to. When she showed it to everyone outside the changing room, her eyes turned lucid: everyone thought it was because it was the right one, when in reality Richie was just relieved, because she knew that beautiful dress was consoling her, telling that finally the day was over. "I thought about it the whole time and then Rafe came to me the other day-" 

This catches Richie out of her mind, suddenly curious and surprised by the admission. The frown on her forehead tells Madeleine that she didn't know that particular. "He what?" 

"We met at the caffetteria down the docks" the other explains, words left hanging, probably not sure about what she should say. In the end, she considers she doesn't owe Rafe any kind of loyalty. "He came to me and told me I was being insufferable and it was better if I made up my mind. Sounded like a threat-" 

"Usual Rafe, then" Richie tells Madeleine, but it's nervous now, she's unsure about what to do with this news about the boy. 

"Yeah, usual Rafe. Except he was trying to do something nice for once" the other admits like it's costing her everything. "He was the one that told me you would have been here, wouldn't have come without you"

"Oh" 

"I have some difficulties understanding this thing between you two, but-" her shoulders lift. Surrendering. "But if it's what you want, I'll try to be on your side. I'm sorry I've already missed so much" 

"It's fine" Richie assures and, in a brave moment, she stretches her hand towards Madeleine who instantly accepts it as an invitation and pulls her in. The hug feels like a push for Richie to let everything completely go, embraced by the only person that has always been able to catch up with her feelings and that knows how to act with every single one of them. She breathes Madeleine in and thinks how much she missed this, someone taking her inside their arms with nothing holding back, like she's a kid that needs all the love of the world, not just half caresses or embraces because she's an adult. When they separate, Madeleine slips an arm around her shoulders and grins. 

"So" she starts over the music. "Gossip about Rafe Cameron that nobody knows?" 

Richie blinks, amused, and smiles back, shrugging to her friend's question. She knows Madeline wouldn't ever tell anyone what Richie would say to her, but the future bride thinks of it and there's very little that Rafe lets out when they are alone. Like he's in a constant defensive situation.

"Not really" she admits in the end. "He's pretty much what you see. Harsh, cold and annoying Rafe that thinks to know everything about everyone. But he listens" 

"He listens" Madeleine repeats the girl's words, but seems unimpressed. For Richie, when she talks and Rafe is quiet  listening to what she has to say, it's important. "What else" 

"He's touchy" the words come out before Richie can think of it, before she can decide to hold them to herself. So when she sees Madeleine blinking at her, like she's surprised, but waits for to keep talking, Richie does. "In a nice way. Must be something with his family being, you know-" 

"The kind of family unable to show any kind love and affection?" Madeleine asks, but she's clearly thinking about it more than what she gives away: Richie knows she has a complicated relationship with her dad, the only parent left, so if there's someone that understands looking for love in places where it's hard to find, that's Madeleine. "He craves it" 

Richie nods. "Don't tell anyone" 

The other thinks of it, before nodding. "Not a word" then she smiles, back to reality. "Anything else? Anything spicy?" 

Richie's eyebrows furrow, before laughing nervously, because, well, Rafe and her didn't get there but others don't know that. So she has to keep an appearance and it means with Madeleine too. "Not a word"

"Why?" Madeleine asks, faking an offense. "We always say those kinds of things. Like when you gave an handjob to John McCain after prom and he  proposed to-"

"Yeah, but now we're talking about my future husband" Richie interrupts her and she tastes the word husband maybe for the first time on her tongue. She doesn't think she ever said it aloud. "I'll tell those, if things won't end up well"

Madeleine doesn't say anything about it, but nods as she takes a deep breath, starting walking out of the kitchen. Richie is always under her arm. Squeezed to her side. "Do you think it's real? That sexist and straight way to say about boys pulling the pigtails of the girls they like?" 

"Rafe didn't pull at my pigtails because he liked me" Richie says and he doesn't like me at all, appearing in her mind like a thunder during the calm. "It was a recent thing" 

"He told you that?" Madeleine asks, but before anyone can add or answer, the crowd of people around them moves in a weird way, like they are avoiding something and making space in the huge living room of the house. The two friends exchange a stare. Someone notices Richie then and the glances they give her give shivers down her spine and bad, bad, feelings about what's going on.

Reality punches her when she asks to pass through the bodies and finally everything is shown to her. The girl's jaw squeezes, when a Madeleine behind her asks: "Touchy, uh?". 

Rafe has always been a violent person, someone that got into fights that he was usually the one to initiate, because he wanted or said so. He started them for stupid reasons, really, whether it was for something the other unfortunate said or didn't say, did or didn't do. You never knew what Rafe would use to start a fight and it cost him several suspensions, but never an expulsion from the Academy and it was just because Ward knew how to make his money circulate around that place. 

Now, Richie would tell she's surprised to see Rafe bending over John B Rutledge, knees against the marble floor of the house, and Topper Thornton helping him holding the boy down. Not much distant, John B's best friend, JJ Maybank, is being dragged away from Kelce Smith's by another Pogues kid, Pope Heyward. At first Richie thinks it's a dumb Kooks versus Pogue kind of fight, the classist ones that Rafe likes so much to get himself into and that lately he picks with his new younger friends next to him, Topper and Kelce, but then Richie sees Sarah and Kiara Carrera -by now, both Kooks turned Pogues- try to divide the fight and Richie knows it's not just about social classes. Also about that, but not only. It's personal and she's asked to pick a side in this, when Sarah sees her in the crowd, eyes wide, and walks towards Richie in big steps. 

"Stop your fucking crazy boyfriend" it's not really a question and the other finds those words almost funny coming from Sarah. 

"He's your brother" she reminds the blonde girl and almost laughs, but she doesn't though. 

"Well, it hasn't been exactly my choice" Sarah's words are high, urgent and annoying and, even though Richie finds them painful to hear, she thinks that they are also true. "You choose him. Now get him off my boyfriend" 

"I'm gonna kill him" are Richie's last words, after a moment of contemplation and a deep sigh. Then she takes a breath that should give her some sort of courage and marches with long steps into the space people left so the fight could happen. She walks past Pope dividing JJ and Kelce and goes straight towards Rafe and Topper, feeling herself followed by Sarah like a shadow, ready to follow Richie's actions if she's gonna do what she just said. Before they can reach for the three other boys, Kiara jumps on Topper's back forcing him to back away from the John B kid and it gives a way for Richie to sneak at Rafe's back. 

Maybe it's not a smart move, appearing out of nowhere behind someone whose first instincts are to answer to everything with violence, but Richie has very little time to think before Rafe's arm lifts so he can give another punch to the other boy's face. Richie grabs the older one's bicep and then slips her arm around it: the attempt is weak, but instead of trying to punch John B, the boy is busy freeing himself from whoever is trying to hold him back. He tries a couple of times, her using as much force as she owns, when Rafe miscalculates the force -or maybe it's his intentions, as he tries to get rid of whoever is gripping him- and he hits Richie's. At the beginning, she doesn't feel anything, just her head empty before starting to whistle lowly, then she tastes blood. On her lips, inside her mouth. 

It's not like she has much time to do or say anything, she just walks backwards enough for her to add distance between her and the scene, to see Sarah pushing a confused Rafe away and helping her boyfriend on his feet, then she asks Richie if she's okay. She seems unsure between leaving John B and checking on her, or staying in her place and making sure that her group of friends that is slowly compacting again can make it out of that place. Richie doesn't answer her, neither does Madeline when she runs where she's standing and tells her something about her nose, trying to check her face. But Richie's too busy touching her mouth and seeing her hand dirty, before looking up and holding Rafe's wide stare, who just realized what happened. For the first time, he's showing something that says he's sorry. For real. He opens his mouth, expression shifting from apprehension to rage, when she interrupts his attempt. 

"You're a mess" it's all she tells him and she's not even sure he hears her, the music still filling the house. She doesn't care, she simply turns and walks away.

-

Richie is not sure how long she stays in the bathroom of that stranger's house, head back to stop the blood dropping down and tons of dirty toilet paper spread in the nearby sink. She thinks the blood stopped rolling down for a while, which means that probably she's okay, but the more she tries to clean, the more it looks like she's making a mess on her face, of blood and paper. Madeleine knocks two or three times and Richie tells her that she's fine, when her friend asks her to open the door and let her in. 

The truth is that Richie suddenly doesn't thinks she's fine: she thought she was doing okay an hour prior and really good when her best friend apologized, finally ending that stupid fight started at Kat's engagement party, but now she feels like shit. Richie's moods are always changing, she's someone that may not show it, but she feels every change around her like a change of heart. If something goes wrong all suddenly, she starts falling, if something goes right, she can feel like flying: she's not the type of person to think it's going bad, but it will get better, there's no way in between, except I just want to crawl in bed for days and I can do everything. Like when Rafe asked to marry him the first time and her mood dropped so low, that she refused to face everyone, building a wall between her and the rest of the world for two whole days. She didn't expect it, it surprised her, so he didn't have the time to ponder. 

Another knock asks her to probably open the door and it makes her flinch, because it's been a while since Madeleine's last one and now she didn't expect it. She sniffs, nose burning a little, when she says she's fine. Again. 

"It's me" a voice tells her and Richie doesn't need the person behind the door to introduce themselves. Even with the distant music, she knows it's Rafe. 

"Go away" she tells him, raising her voice so she's sure he hears her. 

A moment of pause. "Listen, I-" if they would be close, or without the music still in distance, she would hear him sighing, but there are many feet between them, a closed door and The Weeknd singing in the air. "Can you open the door?" 

"I said, go away" 

Now, as she looks at the reflection on the bathroom mirror, she tries to clean up herself again, from the caked blood and the nervous tears as well, conscious she has to go out and face Rafe, Madeleine and the rest of the world. Eventually. She's so focused on the woman looking back at her, trying to make her look better than she actually feels, that Richie doesn't even hear the door clicking open, until it's too late. The key she turned to separate herself from the rest of the house turns and, a moment later, Rafe appears in her view. 

"I told you-" she starts, but he's already stepping inside and closing the door at his back. "I don't even want to know how or why you know how to open a door that is supposed to be locked" 

He shows her a credit card, like it's an answer, before pulling out his wallet from the pocket of his jeans and put the object in its place. He puts the wallet where it belongs too, inside his trousers, when he says "When you live with the Camerons there are always a lot of closed doors, that you're not supposed to enter" and his tone is softer, as he looks up at her. Richie tries to not get it under her skin. 

"Well, I didn't want you here" she tells him, trying to sound angry. She is, but he looks like he's really about to apologize and this makes her uncomfortable. She's not used to it and, mostly, she doesn't want to make a habit out of it: Rafe knowing that he can get to Richie just through words and her letting him do so. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" he starts getting close, tall and broader shoulders covered in a fancy polo, when Richie takes a step back and Rafe notices. It makes him stop. 

"You did" she tells, voice lower than she meant to be. "You always do" 

Hurt me. Hurt people. She doesn't need to say it aloud. In fact, Rafe's eyebrows furrow, when his blue eyes look down and it's clear that he knows what she's talking about: she's talking about all the time he told and made things to her, about everything he let her go through during the years in school, when he thought he had the right to make her feel bad for what she wore, how she looked, what she said to pretend she didn't care. He's not a better person now, he just beat up someone and his hands were dirty of a guy's blood until a couple of minutes prior, when he cleaned them in the kitchen sink, but twenty years of looking for love and affection, to find just a distant father and superficial relationships built through the time, gave him something to think of. He wouldn't call it an epiphany, but the desperation mixed with sadness he saw in Richie's eyes at Midsummer, made him reflect about him looking the same and not wanting to. He didn't want to live hoping that someone would have loved him angry like that, so he told himself that, maybe, if Richie would have accepted that crazy plan of getting married for convenience, he would have done something to actually give others a reason to like him. He can't have his father's love because the man simply refuses to hear Rafe's requests, but he can make him happier through hard work and the arranged marriage. On the other hand, he can still make something about finding someone able to fill the emptiness he feels when he comes to love and be loved. Richie is a solid presence now, he asked her because it was convenient for her too and more likely to accept, but looking at her now he knows she is a good choice because when she knows what she wants, she hardly change her mind: many times through those past weeks she didn't hold back about telling no, starting with their marriage deal, and Rafe needs someone able to not accept everything he says, want, or wish. She's a strong presence to which Rafe is learning to fit and adapt, instead of fighting with, as he used to. Fights never brought him anywhere, even less love or respect: the one with John B in the living room is a proof and he realizes it in Richie's face. She didn't predict it and now it's scaring her. 

"I'm trying to not" he mutters in the end and when Richie's stare gets sharper, he takes a breath to not snap. His eyes fly around her face, the tired eyes and the caked blood. "It's just difficult" 

"It's not a valid excuse" for being a poor person. He nods. "You can't hurt people and then say I'm trying, but it's difficult. At some point people stop to believe it, when you give just violence after violence" 

"I don't want to give just violence" he whispers. "I don't want anymore" 

"That's what it looks like when people look at you" she tells him, voice cold and looks down as she says so. "Violent words. Violent actions. You're walking anger, incapable to be contained"

"I'm-" he stops, knowing that if he's gonna say I'm trying, she's gonna be the one to fairly get violent this time. So, when she looks up with a challenging expression, he holds it back, but he's getting nervous and his flinching hands give him away. "I'm sorry about everything. About the past years and about hitting you. Won't happen again" 

"What if it will" it's not really a question, for Richie is a fear, for Rafe an accusation. "Are you high, Rafe?" 

His eyes widen, more than they already are now that Richie is holding his stare so close, like he can't believe she is asking him that. But when he opens his mouth to answer, something holds him back from lying. She knows the truth the moment his lips close in a tiny line.

"I thought I could make it, but-" 

"Let me help you clean up" he interrupts, suddenly and abruptly, taking her face in his hands and moving it so he can look up. They both know what they are doing: he's buying time and trying to earn her trust back (if it ever existed) and she's thinking about breaking up with him. Can two people break up if they aren't really together? Rafe wonders, feeling the anger and the annoyance growing stronger, even though he tries to calm down. "Let me do it" 

"Rafe-" 

"I'm an expert, okay?" he tells her, giving a look to her nose, that seems okay. It makes him feel lighter, almost relieved, when he lets go of her freckled face and gently pushes her towards the sink, then he makes space on the nearby marble counter and pats the space on it, inviting her to take a seat. He sees Richie's expression contracting and frowning, clearly doubtful, but he interrupts her. "Who do you think helped me clean myself after a fight through all those years? Myself. Sometimes Wheezie would have come to see if I was okay, but it was mostly me"

She doesn't agree, not with words, but after a moment of contemplation of his concerned and sincere face, she quietly sits and waits. Her hand grabs the hem of her top for the whole time, squeezed in fists around the textile, but she has to admit he's good at it. 

At the beginning, when he grabs a towel and wet it, ordering her to not push her head back, she questions his advice, but after a glance to his face, she decides to trust him fully and follows his words. He's gentle as he cleans her, meticulous and careful to not rub the towel too rough or too long on the same spot: it needs Richie a couple of instants to actually relax, but eventually she lets the hem of her top a bit and her muscles stop being tense. What were you scared of?, she questions herself, as her eyelids fly partially close and she looks at Rafe's features through her eyelashes. She isn't sure to know her answer, as she contemplates if she's maybe more scared of the future than the present, in that bathroom.

"It won't happen again" he whispers after a while, face so close that Richie can hear the alcohol. She refrains herself from the need to pull away. 

"It's not how it works" the girl answers with a matching tone. A low, sad one. "You tell me now, high and drunk, and you'll do it tomorrow again. And I-" a pause, when she sees Rafe swallowing and then something else she has never seen in twenty years: are his eyes lucid? "I don't want to find myself on the other side of your ager and your drugs"

"I-" he seems short of words. Then he closes his eyes and suddenly he takes Richie by the nape of her neck -a gesture he does a lot, she started to notice lately- and pushes their forehead together. He takes his time before talking and she lets him do so, daring to close her eyes as well. "Don't leave me. Everyone does" 

"Don't give me a reason to" she mutters, swallowing the need to cry a little and feeling overwhelmed by the fact he's talking to her about something she's sure he wouldn't have admitted a month prior. How far they moved on without her noticing it? Weren't they telling each other that they weren't even friends? Just business partners? "I love my family and I was doing it for them, but if you're gonna get high and angry all the time, maybe we shouldn't, Rafe. Get married" 

"No, no" he presses their forehead more, opening suddenly his eyes hearing Richie's words. "I'll get better" 

"What if you don't?" she asks and Rafe shivers at the fear in her voice. Did he do that? "You're always been angry, Rafe, and I said yes anyway. But what if it was a mistake? I don't want to end up in an abusive relationship. This hasn't already the healthiest of the starts"

He could not hear Richie, but just looks at her to know she's not sure, that she's confused by something she hasn't clearly planned and not overthink about, so he's conscious to actually have a chance to make her change her mind. He doesn't want to screw up, so when he kisses Richie and breathes in, she falls completely for his promises and he thinks he's just too desperate for love to let her down. 

-

A good eye would catch that something is wrong. That the two people everyone at the party is supposed to celebrate are tiptoeing around each other like two strangers, that suddenly found out they'll be promised to one another forever. But Richie and Rafe aren't strangers, once even friends, now something more than business partners that sometimes kiss when they are alone, when they have no one to put up a play for. The problem is, now, that they are at their own engagement party and they haven't seen or heard from the other for a whole week. 

During the entry night, they talk politely with other people and to each other when in front of friends, old classmates, relatives, or their families' acquaintances, but never when they are alone. Actually, they avoid finding themselves just the two of them and, if it happens, it's so brief that being able to stay in silence isn't even that difficult, before someone comes up to talk with them or congratulate them about the marriage. They smile. Everyone seems a bit too thrilled about the wedding set in December and Richie realizes it just that night, the first one since Kat's engagement party, that she and Rafe face all the people from the OBX that will attend the wedding at once. She isn't sure they are thrilled because they are genuinely interested in the union of two of the most prominent and rich families of the island, or because they are betting on how long they're gonna last before asking for divorce. Or killing each other. Both are fair options.

Richie is holding the stare of Matt Brum, a couple of feet away, and watching him laughing about something with another old classmate: they had to talk, act civilly, and even Rafe had to pretend he liked the guy, who actually never earned his sympathy. How Richie predicted the moment her eyes noticed him at the beginning of the night, he made a comment about the new weird couple. He had been in college for part of the summer and described himself to Richie and Rafe surprised, when he heard the news, back to OBX for a brief holiday. I won't make it to the big day in December, I suppose he told them, pretending sadness, when the girl assured it was fine and Rafe suppressed a scoff. 

After that brief exchange, they fortunately parted ways, but now Richie is staring at him like she would like to cut his head off, when Rafe interrupts her thoughts. She doesn't know if he saw her staring deadly at her old school enemy, because when he talks and she turns towards him, during one of those moments alone, he's looking everywhere except at her. 

"Let's get dance" he tells Richie, with a tone that clearly indicates he is repeating it again. He doesn't look annoyed by her distraction and she's too surprised by the request after a week of radio silence, to roll her eyes at the fact that he never asks her to do something. He proposes it, like formulating a question might cost his life. 

She's walking next to him, among familiar bodies, a moment later, her hand warm in Rafe's, as he took hers to lead the way. When they reach for some free space, he lifts their linked hands mid air, almost squeezed between their chest, as his free arm slips around Richie's waist. The girl's one holds gently on his shoulder, fingers around the nape of his neck where his short hair meets her fingertips, when she realizes they are pressed together and closer than they have been in a whole week. His face is a lot tired. 

"Are you okay?" she finds herself asking and his eyes drop from hers, vaguely to her necklace, avoiding her stare. He nods.

"Yeah" he mutters. 

"You look awful" she tells him, honest and sincere, blinking when his jaw squeezes and he probably feels caught up in the middle of something bad. "You look tired" 

"A rough couple of days" he admits, but his tone is dismissive, almost like he would like her to think about something else. Sometimes more important.

But Richie knows how to deal with situations, if she had plenty of time to think of, and she had a whole week to think about Rafe, the party, Rafe again, his words. She's not unprepared, so she has very little to get in the middle of her thoughts, she won't let fear have the best. "That's why you have been ignoring me for the past week?" 

He sighs, because maybe she hasn't been the only interrogating herself about the other, them, what they said. "Yeah" 

"At least you're being honest" she mutters, letting him lead their slow dance, chest against chest, feet that start to get coordinated without them even trying to. She thinks about all the texts she sent him, after he didn't get in touch at all or came to her workplace for the first two days of the week, and she didn't know what to think. But after being ignored, she started to get many ideas. Watching him now, she might have a more concrete one. "What's going on"

"Doing what I promised" he whispers and his head bends a little towards her, almost shyly, unsure if she's gonna do the same. Richie does and their foreheads almost touch, their breath mixes. He relaxes at her gesture and, if possible, his grip gets stronger around her waist. More sure, without feeling like he's caging her, in fact, she relaxes as well.

"Are you-" she starts, but her voice cracks and she needs a second or two to sound steady again. "Are you clean?"

Rafe doesn't answer straight away, he just keeps leading her in a slow dance that feels like a lullaby and holds her like she's a solid safe rock in a tormented ocean. His eyes are still down, forehead always closer to Richie's, as their skins now touch with the slightest of the movement. Eventually, he takes a breath and a dose of courage. "I asked you, because I watched you, sitting at the counter of the Golf Club, drinking your anger and sadness and I realized that we are more similar than we like to admit. And I didn't want to look like that. Like I hate the world and the world hates me. When I asked you the first time, I didn't have much time to think about it, maybe it was my subconscious acting. I just asked you. But when I asked the second time, I saw many opportunities in this marriage"

Richie whispers next, eyes lucid from his tone. It scares her, because she never heard him more serious than that. "Like what" 

"The one you know about already. Make our families proud, tie each other into business even more than we already are. You said you want to expand in the south once and that your dad doesn't agree, but I can help you with that" he says and when Richie told Madeleine that Rafe is good at listening, that's what she meant. She thinks now she told him once, maybe during a lunch laying in the chairs out of her office balcony, but he remembers anyway. She can't even remember how the conversation went, to be honest, and now she tries to recall it, but Rafe talks again. And Richie gets distracted. "The other opportunity is the one I imposed myself to accomplish if you would have told me yes. I know I sounded like I didn't care about love or getting married, that I thought that Kat's falling in love with a stranger and marrying him after two months together was bullshit, but I don't think any of that. I want to be loved, Richie, I want a family and to be a better person than everyone in mine has ever been to me. When I came to you the second time, I told myself that if you would have told me yes, after all I did to you growing up, I would have tried to be the better person I promised myself to be, so someone could fall in love with me"

"You can be that, without marrying me, Rafe" Richie doesn't think she has ever cried so openly in front of everyone, but now she doesn't even care about the fact it's not just Rafe, but everyone at the party can turn and spot her tears. She almost slips away from the boy, but he needs just the smallest of the pressure for her to stay. "You don't have to marry me. You can find someone else to be loved by and to love"

"That's the thing-" he shares with her, stopping for a moment, before deciding it's now or never. "The more we went forward, the more I realized I might want to marry you because of all the things I said, but also because I knew I might fall in love with you, after all. Not someone else"

"Rafe-" 

"But if you don't think you want this" he continues, swallowing when Richie looks up and he's forced to bear her stare. "If you don't think you can fall in love with me too, because I've been a monster to you and I know that a part of you will hate me forever for this, I want you to tell me now. Because I'm not sure at this point I'm that good at pretending much more than this"

Richie feels again like she could throw up, crawl in bed for days and cry all her tears, pouring her soul out of her body. Instead, she just stands there, mouth shut and her hand in Rafe's that would fall weightless, if he would be the one to hold it thigh. Until he doesn't anymore, because he feels the arm that Richie slipped around his shoulders falling slowly and her body stiffening in his arm. Rafe is not stupid, he doesn't need to look into her big wide eyes to know she doesn't reciprocate his feelings. It's written on her face: this -what's happening- isn't something she contemplated, which in Rafe's mind echoes like a silent rejection. Whether he's wrong or not, he doesn't even consider wasting his time and analyzing it, because he lets go of Richie and rush away. His pride is hurt, but he knew it could have happened the moment he started talking and can he blame her for not wanting to give him a second chance? Maybe it's even the third, he's asking her to take: the second was the one where she actually accepted to marry him, out of pure convenience, when she had all the right to reject him back then. 

Rafe walks so fast, among the bodies filling the space at his own engagement party, that he doesn't hear his dad calling him, as he rushes away from the villa where it has been organized. He doesn't have the emotional stability to actually realize how weird it is for him to leave her future crying wife in the middle of the dance, or the fact that she won't marry him after all and that no wedding will be celebrated. He can only focus on his chest rising spasmodically, but unable to actually control it and give him some peace. 

He can only scold himself for giving himself that bit of hope, to think that she might reciprocate. Or considering his feelings. His feet move without him realizing where he's going, but breathing the air outside just once leaving the place behind. It feels good and bad at the same time, it feels like he hates everything, but it's better this way: he wouldn't have to bear it, if he would have gone further and understood he didn't stand a chance just once he would have been drowning in his own pathetic feelings for too long. When he sits in his expensive car, buttons of his shirt too close around his neck, he asks himself why he doesn't look for the keys and start the engine. He sits there, instead, and looks in front of him for who knows how long. 

"It's not really nice to leave your own engagement party" a voice calls him suddenly, louder than Rafe's dad calling his son, maybe because now he's sitting alone, in a quiet place, without having a hundred eyes on him and his body ready to run. Away for good. And Rafe doesn't need to turn to recognize who the person is, but he does anyway and Richie is standing there, out of the driver door, hands fidgeting between each other and eyes red and puffed. She talks through the window of the car that hasn't been rolled down already, giving the scene a state of temporary. "You could give the wrong idea. Like, that we are breaking up or something"

Rafe blinks, once, then twice, his mouth shut and probably looking like a fool, staring at her like he can quite understand why she's there. Why did she follow him outside? Why would she care if people think they are breaking up? They are, aren't they? Rafe blinks again and maybe not, he finds himself thinking and welcoming that thought like a breath of fresh air. He ponders his next words, not sure if he want to ask her if he got it right -the meaning behind her words- and not wanting to have his heart broken again, while he must look dumb. He actually needs another moment of contemplation, when he decides to look for his key and turn it inside the lock of the engine enough to roll down the driver window, but not fully start the car. He doesn't feel like opening the door completely or going away, but the glass now turned down, it's a good way to find himself halfway between protecting himself, or trust Richie and her words. 

"Want to, huh, don't know, leave with me so they'll think we're actually getting away to do something romantic instead?" it's bold, Rafe knows it is, but he can't help but blurts it out, feeling like he's under scrutiny. He hopes he won't fail the test. Then Richie swallows. "So they'll think we didn't break up, or something"

"Our parents will get so mad at us" Richie answers, but he sees a cracked smile on her lip covered by a light lipstick. 

"They'll always find a way to be mad at us" he tells her, now growing comfortable with her doing the same and daring to lean on the edge of the rolled down window. Arms crossed and the jacket of his suit that stretches as he does so. "We could go to eat in that place you like, the one near The Cut " 

"French fries?" Richie asks. 

Rafe nods, heart bursting in joy, but without giving away too much. "Fries. Tons of them. And whatever you want to. You owe me a date after all, don't you?"

"I do" she whispers and a moment later she's walking forward, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pressing their forehead together. It's not violent, but feels almost like it soaks in desperation. "Please, be the better person you promise yourself to be. I couldn't bear-" 

"I promise" 

Richie weighs his words for a long moment, eyes in eyes when she finally takes the last step and kisses him. 

Don't leave, everyone does. 

Don’t give me a reason to.

[introvertguide]

The Road Movie

Most movies follow a general script type depending on genre, and this is used to tell a story that has a satisfying ending. It is interesting when a movie mixes up type and tone and goes against genre type. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it is terrible. Great directing and acting can make the subversion of expectations less jarring (or more depending on the end goal), but the end goal and tone allows us to attach a film to a genre. But what about films that aren't about the end goal? There are many films that are in a sub-genre that focus on the journey with little regard to the end goal. These are what are called "road movies" and can fall under many different genres since the end goal doesn't really matter. Let's address some famous road movies through the years that are also classified in a variety of other genres:

Huckleberry Finn (1931)

The OG of travel films, this was the sequel to Tom Sawyer (1930) and had the same child actors. This wasn't what you would call financially successful, but this was largely due to the Great Depression. The 1939 version of the movie did a lot better and was one of the well known films of child actor Mickey Rooney. This story of travel was an early role for many actors including Rooney, Ron Howard, and Elijah Wood. Although there were threats of death and portrayals of slavery, this film was considered a family adventure in the pre-code film era. I guess a boy escaping his abusive father in the company of an adult escaped slave where people are actively attempting to rob and kill them was considered a fun family romp in the early 30s. This was the same story that came from a book that was banned in schools during the 1980s. It is a great story and I love the works of Mark Twain; I am just surprised at the genre.

Stagecoach (1939)

This is a great movie that transcends the Western genre of which it is categorized. A group of people all have different reasons for traveling from an Arizona territory over to New Mexico. There is word of vengeful thieves and angry Apaches that threaten the small band of travelers. It is actually very intense because the threat feels very real throughout the film. The entire film focuses on the journey and the relationships forged (and broken) on the way. This was the breakout role for John Wayne and was part of an amazing string of films directed by John Ford and starring John Wayne.

Easy Rider (1969)

This is a film that really spoke to the hippie movement during the Vietnam Era. It is statement on how difficult it is to truly be free and how society fears that freedom and tries to destroy it. The film might very well have the worst dialogue of any movie I have ever seen. Actors Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper were actively using drugs throughout film production, so the real draw was the sweet rides and the moving soundtrack. This is a movie where I actually want more driving montages and less character development because I don't identify with the characters at all. Maybe it is a generational gap.

Paper Moon (1973)

This film is amazing. It is the story of a traveling grifter who takes a little girl on the road with him after her mother dies. He teaches her how to make a living cheating people and they form a father-daughter type of relationship. It is a comedy drama that won the girl an Oscar for best supporting actress when she was only 10. Some nice back story, the girl is Tatum O'Neal and is the actual daughter of the grifter, played by Ryan O'Neal. It is kind of strange, but this is a "coming of age" film on the road.

The Blues Brothers (1980)

Now this is what I am talking about. Two brothers go on a trip after being released from jail because they got a message from God. I am pretty sure that this film still holds the record for most crashed vehicles in a single movie. It is also interesting that the film is technically a musical. The brothers stop at different locations and songs break out. In between stops, they are chased by the police in an almost demolition derby style chase. I really enjoy this movie and believe that it really keeps a fast pace (literally and figuratively), but, like many road films, I can't say it is good because it is more of an experience than a story.

Thelma and Louise (1991)

This was an interesting twist on the "run from the law" type of film. Two women are friends and decide go on a weekend retreat. They get in trouble after killing a man who tries to assault them and have to run from the authorities. It has a reputation for being very feminist (despite being directed by accused mesogenist Ridley Scott) because of the negative portrayal of men. It obviously wasn't that bad since it was nominated for 6 Oscars including both leads for best actress. In fact, Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon were both nominated for best actress at the Academy Awards, the BAFTAs, and the Golden Globes. It is the quintessential road film since the end goal is constantly changing and best defined as "away from here."

Natural Bork Killers (1994)

This was kind of a strange film. It is a crime drama where the audience follows two killers with traumatic childhoods as they meet and go on a murder spree. Similar to Bonnie and Clyde, but with gory murders as the focus over bank robberies. It is directed by Oliver Stone, and criticizes the glorification of violence by the media. It is most definitely a road movie because the end goal for the two is simply to be together and enjoy the rush of breaking the law. Hm. It is actually quite a bit like Bonnie and Clyde. Interesting. I would like to make a note that my mom hates this film because of the shaky cam and Dutch angles. It made her feel sick at the theater.

Road Trip (2000)

OK. This is far and away my least favorite film on this list, but it is the most famous "boner road comedy" that I am familiar with. It is a high school/college coming-of-age film that focus on the sexual pursuits of a group of young men. These types of films are marked with gross out humor, gratuitous nudity, and boys trying to have sex. There was a bunch of films like this that came out around the early 2000s and they all had to do with boys traveling some place in search of idealized sex (the plot on this one is a little different, something to do with a sex tape) and generally they find that the best girl for them was there by them all along. It takes a nice idea of character development and throws raunchy jokes and boobs at it. I was not a fan, but it was definitely a thing.

Death Proof (2007)

This is much better shlock. It is the Tarantino version of exploitation grindhouse films of the seventies, but updated to be a women empowerment film. It was part of a double feature that was paired with a horrific zombie outbreak film directed by Rod Rodriguez, but this one is much better on its own. It is the story of an old stunt man who travels around looking for unsuspecting victims whom he can run down in his indestructible car. This is a great example of what a road movie can be because Tarantino took the concept of a slasher and put it completely on the road.

Mad Max Fury Road (2015)

Here is an action revenge film in a post-apocalyptic wasteland where most of the film is driving. The producers couldn't find a director who they trusted with remaking George Miller's Mad Max franchise so the 70 year old Miller said "hold my beer" and made this masterpiece that is arguably better than any of the first three (edit: I guess Miller always intended to direct but it took so long to go into production that he joked in interviews about giving up on it). The original trilogy with Mel Gibson presents an amazing world where most people are nomadic and traveling can be a life or death proposition. Fury Road is the further adventures of the character and his interaction with one Furiosa. The use of many practical effects on moving vehicles that was garnished with CG effects made for one of the best action films in the last decade. It was more than a simple movie about traveling; it was a land were the road was life and everything surrounded the ability to be mobile enough to get supplies in a dead world.

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This is by no means all of the road movies. The Wizard of Oz is technically a road movie. The Grapes of Wrath is a critically acclaimed road movie from around the same time. Comedies like The Cannonball Run, Smokey and the Bandit, and National Lampoon's Vacation can all be classified in the genre. Rain Man is one of the best films of all time and it can be classified as a road movie. What it comes down to is that, when considering characters, a writer should think about the journey itself and think of how the leads interact with this entity. The road might be the best character in the whole story.

[parkers-gal]

Hi! May I request an imagine where Tom meets an Indian who’s sort of on the path to be a paediatrician?? But she’s like, 3-4 years younger than him?? And like, both of them are attracted to each other n they sort of start dating??

Love your blog! I’ve read pretty much everything you write! Lots of love to you!! 💛💛

requests are open

wc: 1.5k

—

Growing up, you were always lost on what you would do with your life. You’d seen friends and family discover their passions, the very reason they live and exist.. Time and time again, you thought you came close to finding out your own, but each path was a dead end, each lead and false tip. 

That was, until you volunteered at a children’s hospital that one winter break your parents were away on business. A light flicker inside you, and you knew that was what you were meant to do. Leaving the hospital that day, you pulled up your browsers and stayed up in bed until three A.M., researching and reading about all the doctors that helped children. Perhaps it was your fire, burning so bright and passionately, that granted you access, that paved your path to college and a career for life. Or perhaps it was your heart, loving and nurturing and relentless. It never gave up when something it loved came into view. You knew deep down, in your gut, that it was a bit of both. 

But to you, this wasn’t a career. This wasn’t merely just a passion. It was your life for theirs. Your privilege, through the hardships and the struggles and the heaviest tears, it was your brain that was your privilege. But your heart held just as much responsibility as your mind did. 

Tom was no different, at that. Acting started as a job, it started as continuing his love for dance and theater. But as he grew, so did his heart. Acting wasn’t just a task of learning how to control one’s emotions. To him, it was a creative expression. It was perspective on life. It was living a life someone dreamed they could’ve had. And no, not as a celebrity, but as the characters. He often thought about how Peter Parker could have been a figment of Stan Lee’s imagination. That the small, nerdy Parker boy was a life Stan Lee wanted but never truly got. Tom pondered a lot of things, but he never once wished he could have another life. 

College is harsh. Relentless. It’s a true reality of life, and with the pressure of your parents to do well, you could only pray you would do well. You had been studying for weeks now, finals coming closer with every passing day. You were due for a break, and mind release. You had signed up for your yearly volunteer during winter break. Your roommate rolled her eyes when you told her; she was unsurprised. 

Apparently this year, there would be a few special guests. You were happy to share the children, happy the hospital could bring in more people for the kids that deserved the world but could only get a fraction of it. You swore on your life, on your grave, that you’d give them as much of the world as you could. 

**

You were giving the world to them today. Dressing in thick leggings and a sweater, you grabbed your puffer coat as you left campus. The drive to the hospital was short and speedy. You greeted Katherine as you came in, hooking your coat on the coat hanger in the back room. 

“Hey, Y/N. It’s good to see you. How’s college?”

“Stressful,” you chuckled. 

“But worth it?” “Always worth it,” you smiled. 

“The ‘guest stars’ will be here soon,” she moved a few clipboards, taking the papers attached to them. “I think they’re bringing things.”

“Oh that’s awesome,” you exhaled. “We need more presents.”

“More?” Katherine chuckled. “You’ve practically emptied your bank account for them.” 

“Because my parents would totally allow that,” you eyed her. The two of you chuckled together, setting up a few things. 

Katherine was five and a half years older than you. She’d worked at the hospital for awhile though, replacing a nurse who retired. She was young when she started, but the retired nurse had requested her, recommended her, and the hospital didn’t want to waste time on looking for someone else. You’d practically grown up with her; she’d been a volunteer in college while you were finishing high school. 

“They’re here,” Nate popped his head in through the door. You and Katherine exchanged looks before going up front to greet them. 

“Hi, I’m Kevin Fiege, I’m here with the cast of Spider-man Homecoming. We’re here for the meets I emailed about?”

“Yes hi,” Katherine stepped forward while you shied away from a brunette’s glances. His jeans and sweater were on loosely, and you assumed he probably had a costume on under. He was holding a mask. “I’m Katherine, the one you emailed.” They shook hands and smiled politely, the boy’s eyes never leaving sight of your figure. “Shall we get started then?” the man, Kevin as he addressed himself, suggested.

“Yes, of course,” she rushed out, glancing at you with wide eyes before the two of you chuckled. 

A lighter skinned, tall girl stepped forward. You recognized her. “Hi, I’m Zendaya. I play MJ.”

The two of you shook hands, and she did the same thing with Nate and Katherine and a few other nurses. One by one, each cast member introduced themselves before eventually, the brunette came forward. 

“Hi, I’m Tom,” he shook your hand, his fingers lingering against yours. “You are… ?”

“Y/N,” you filled in, biting your bottom lip. 

“That’s really pretty,” he blushed slightly despite being the one who gave the compliment.

“Thank you,” you breathed a laugh, stepping back and in your rightful spot next to Katherine. 

Throughout the day, you noticed Tom through the corner of your eyes, lingering and watching quietly, gazing as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know how, or what. You enjoyed the cast’s company; they were great for the kids. By the end of it, it was nearly eight o’clock, time for ritual medications before bedtime. 

The cast stood in the lobby, Tom in his suit talking to Jacob, Zendaya talking to Nate while Katherine finished up with Kevin. You emerged from the elevator, having just said your goodnights and goodbyes to the children. 

“You gonna head out, Y/N/N?” Katherine stopped talking to Kevin to ask you the query over all the chatter. 

You nodded with a smile, removing the Division 1 Volunteer lanyard from around your neck. “Yeah, I told my mom I’d call her before it gets too late.”

“You and your parents,” she sighed, handing another clipboard over for Kevin to read. “Are you ever gonna let them go?”

You chuckled, “I think the real question is are they ever gonna let me go?” 

“Touche,” she laughed. “Say goodbye on your way out,” she motioned her head towards the cast. You glanced at them, they smiled, and you nodded towards her, grabbing your coat from its hook. 

“It was really nice having you all here,” you smiled. “Thank you so much for coming; it meant a lot to the kids and to me.” 

You saw Tom glancing outside, and without thinking, he stepped forward with a smile. “Let me walk you to your car.”

“Oh, you don’t have to,” you laughed lightly. 

“Please, it’s dark out. It’ll only be a few minutes,” he smiled. “It’s no trouble, really.”

“Tom’s always doing that,” Zendaya rolls her eyes. “He’s that one in a million gentlemen.” Her arms crossed as she laughed. “Just let him take you; he won’t take no for an answer.”

You had a feeling they were talking about something else, but nonetheless, you let him accompany you. You waved to Kath one last time before walking through the doors with Tom by your side. 

“How long have you been volunteering?”

“Since the summer before my junior year of highschool.”

He hummed. “How old are you?”

“I just turned nineteen,” you walked over a puddle. “How old are you?”

“I’m 21.” 

You hummed just as he had. You saw your car near, and you were almost sad your encounter with Tom would end soon. You doubted you’d ever see him again after this, even if he did remember today. 

“Listen I was wondering,” he spoke as you placed your bag into the backseat of your car — it wasn’t actually your car. It was your mom’s old one, she’d gotten it when she first moved to your childhood home. Convincing her you should have it was a nightmare. You focused on Tom. “If maybe… we could go out sometime? Sorry if this is totally unprofessional and if I’m completely reading this wrong or somethi-”

“No no-!” you cut him off before stopping shortly. “You didn’t. I’d- I’d love to go out with you sometime.”

“Great,” he said softly before repeating it more confidently. He handed you his cell phone gingerly, and you typed away in the bitter cold, smiling as you handed it back. 

“I’ll- I’ll call you tonight. Af- after your parents.” You giggled. “Goodnight Y/N.”

“Goodnight,” you whispered just as he stepped away. You smiled to yourself, opening the car door. 

[samnyangie]

Since people liked rsl interview on dps, I’d like to share one of my favourite interview by him. I think it’s one of those rare interview where he wasn’t joking around that much but discuss acting quite seriously haha

So enjoy:DD

(Credit)

____________________________

1990 New York Times

Young Actor's Life Has the Makings of a Movie

by Lynn Mautner

New York Times

May 20, 1990

It would make a good movie. A 15-year-old sophomore at Ridgewood High School is playing the Artful Dodger in the musical ''Oliver'' with the school's theater group, New Players, when he is discovered by a casting agency secretary and whisked off to Broadway and the movies.

That's exactly what happened to Robert Sean Leonard, now 21, and a star of the 1989 film ''Dead Poets Society,'' which received an Oscar for best original screenplay.

''My mother took me to New Players' summer performances when I was 10,'' he said, ''and I loved the camaraderie of people, rehearsing and singing. I began spending more time there, painting signs and moving furniture, and soon became an element of the company, with small roles in 'The Miracle Worker,' 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat,' 'Barnum.' ''

Starting as an understudy for three roles at the New York Public Theater (he never got on stage), Mr. Leonard amassed credits that include ''The Beach House'' with George Grizzard for the Circle Repertory Theater, television movies, ''Brighton Beach Memoirs'' and ''Breaking the Code'' on Broadway, plays at the West Bank Cafe on 42d Street and the recent ''When She Danced'' at Playwrights Horizons.

He has just completed a part as Paul Newman's and Joanne Woodward's son in the movie ''Mr. and Mrs. Bridge,'' filmed in Kansas City, to be released in August. ''I age from a 15-year-old Eagle Scout to 22, coming home from World War II with a mustache,'' Mr. Leonard said.

Mr. Leonard, who received a general equivalency diploma when he was 17, lives in New York City and attends Fordham University between performances. Soon to return from the Cannes Film Festival with his fellow actors in ''Dead Poets,'' he is next scheduled to go into rehearsal for the film ''Married to It,'' a romantic comedy.

Q. Do you remember when you decided on an acting career?

A. I never decided to pursue an acting career. It just has happened. I still think it's going to stop and I'll have to get a real job soon, but I'm afraid to question it because if I do, it will disappear.

Q. How do you think your theater experience in high school has helped you?

A. It was a great teaching experience that prepared me in a lot of ways. We did 10 shows in 10 weeks, so there was no time to think about method. It was running for the stage, hoping you'll make it in time for your entrance. In Steven Soderbergh's new book of his diaries when directing the film ''Sex, Lies and Videotape,'' he said that on a film set there should always be a chain of command, but never a chain of respect.

At New Players, those three to four years, everyone was given the same respect. You had to, because you'd be the lead one week and painting sets the next. That's a luxury that is not available in New York, unfortunately, because of the unions. You're an actor and that's it.

Q. Have you taken any acting lessons? Do you recommend them for others?

A. I've taken two classes - a video acting class to help me get from stage to film, with Marty Winkler, currently my manager, and an acting class at H. B. Studios.

Acting classes are tricky. It's like asking someone in therapy if they'd recommend going to a psychiatrist. For some people it's great; for some it's not necessary; for some it's harmful. The best way to learn acting is just to do it.

There's a danger to the classroom, because it's safe, and you can get addicted to it. The clique of people are there, and you might tend to remain with them and never go out on your own. So it can give you the safety net which can eventually strip away your courage to go out and really try. On the other hand, you can get a wonderful teacher who brings out the best in you and gives you the courage to go out and dazzle everybody.

Q. You went from high school to Off Broadway. What were your feelings and fears during your first professional performance?

A. The first time I performed in New York - in ''Sally's Gone, She Left Her Name'' - I played Michael Learned's son. I think I was too young. I wasn't even aware of reasons to be afraid. I was just there for the fun of it. Fresh out of New Players, I knew it to be fun. I've never worried about lines. In ''Brighton Beach'' I should have been tense, because it was Broadway. I was nervous, but not racked - more excited.

Q. What do you enjoy most about acting?

A. The people, and opportunities to learn, to travel, both physically and emotionally. To look at people other than myself and try to figure out what makes them tick.

Olivier said you never play a villain; you play a man considered to be a villain; that you have to justify everything he does first; you have to know that what you are doing is right and find a way to make it right - even murder.

I just played a conceited piano player in ''When She Danced,'' and I had to figure out what would make a person be conceited and make that O.K. with me. I learned where conceit comes from - from confidence and talent.

Worst thing you can do is play someone and judge him at the same time, saying: ''Here I am. I am so conceited.'' First you have to understand why you're that way so that people interpret you as conceited.

Q. Do you consider acting an escape?

A. I don't look at performing as escaping, as really becoming another person and leaving my problems for two hours, so I don't have to deal with me, because I don't become another person. I work, so that when I am working, in a way it is me at my best. I'm not leaving myself; in fact, I'm more focused on myself than ever. I don't become that person, but I fully understand him, fully explore him, as to why he does what he does and justify it.

You can't play a fool to play Bottom, who's the opposite of fool in Shakespeare's ''Midsummer Night's Dream.'' What makes people fools is that they're completely confident in what they're doing. They don't think they're fools; they think they're right on track, which makes them so funny and makes them look like fools.

Q. Who influenced you the most?

A. I have not had one person or experience that stands out that's a turning point. Every step in acting relies heavily on the one before. Everything I've learned colors everything I have known before, and suddenly changes it.

I have learned a little bit from everyone I have known, whether about acting itself, or living and working as an actor. Like a good detective novel, for every clue that is solved, two more appear. Every time I learn something, it opens two other doors. In ''Dead Poets,'' the rooftop scene, where I throw the desk set off, was improvised. Are instincts then a part of acting?

Q. Are there desirable qualities to have as an actor?

A. Concentration, perseverence, lack of inhibitions. There's no room for self-consciousness on stage. Also, there is an element in acting that is not fair. Whatever talent is, part of it can be learned and part can't. There are people that audiences like to watch or don't. In Soderbergh's book, he says that talent plus perseverance will equal luck. But I don't know what talent is; it is beyond definition.

Q. Do you learn by watching other films and plays? Your own? Other people?

A. Sometimes I watch for directing; sometimes for performing. There are lines in ''Dead Poets'' I would do differently, if given the chance. For example, Todd said: ''You talk and people listen to you, Neil. I am not like that.'' I answer, ''Don't you think you could be?'' I think I could have made it clearer. I don't get much from observing strangers, because although I see what they do, I don't know where they're coming from.

Q. What are the main differences between stage and film work?

A. I feel that as an actor, you should start in theater, to learn the process of creating a character, in rehearsal. Film is an arena for people who already know that, because on the set they expect you to know the character inside out.

Film work is harder, because this tangible part has to happen in your head before filming takes place. And it's more solitary. You create your character alone, without the give-and-take of other actors.

Q. What tips would you give young, aspiring actors?

A. Read plays aloud with friends at home; do any work you can do in high school. Hang out with jocks, leatherheads, and see what makes them work. Don't be a theater rat and only talk to actors. Read a lot. You really have to feel it; really want it; then take it. Don't take no for an answer. Seize the day.

___________________________

There’s another one I really want to share as well, I’ll bring it with me at some point:))

[lady-amethyst18]

The Sodapop Incident

Leo and Emma liked visiting the Balan Theater every time it dropped by. Most people left with no memory of going inside, but with them, there was an exception. They couldn't forget their old friend Balan. How could they? They seemed to be one of the only two people that really touched his heart. With that, he allowed them to drop by anytime they liked. And what luck! The theater was just through a narrow gap between two buildings. It also helped that the tims led them there.

Emma and Leo stood at the large mahogany door as the neon lights shined brightly as ever. Seeing this place always brought them joy. How they helped all those people balance their hearts and all the fun shenanigans Balan had to offer... Oh, there was Lance too, but he mostly kept to himself.

"You sure it's ok if we drop by unannounced?" Emma questioned, looking at Leo. He just shrugged with a smug grin on his face. "Balan said we can drop by anytime we like. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if we hung out just for a minute or two. After all, besides Lance, I think he likes the extra company." Emma smiled at him, agreeing that Balan would've liked to see them again. With that, they opened the theater doors.

The lights flickered on as the door creaked open. It looked just the way they remembered it to be. The side-to-side mirrors that looked like they went on forever to the sleek floors and velvet carpet. They wandered deeper inside, looking for the top-hatted maestro. Upon making it to the lobby, they were surprised to see it empty. "I guess he's not here." Emma declared. "Well, he's got to be around someplace. I don't think he or Lance can leave the theater... Can they?" Leo questioned. Emma's only response was shrugging her shoulders.

They continued to search until a tiny little yellow puffball approached them. Chirping as a way to greet them. Leo turned and found one of the tims. "Hey there, little guy!" Leo said as he picked it up. "Hey, Emma! I found one of the tims!" Emma looked over and jogged to his side. She wiggled her finger as she lightly tickled its cheek. "Hi there, little fella. Do you know where Balan is?" She asked. The tim jumped out of Leo's hands and lead them down the hallway to the auditorium. It made the teens happy knowing that Balan was still inside.

The little yellow tim dragged them both to the stage. They looked around and saw Balan floating in the air with a feather duster and a mask over his mouth. "Balan!" Cried them both. Balan paused and looked over his shoulder to see who was calling him. To his surprise, he saw Emma and Leo and bowed respectively. "Leo, Emma! How good to see you face to face! If I knew you were coming earlier, I would've tidied the place." He said. "Looks like you already got started." Leo snickered.

Balan landed next to the teens, taking the mask off his face to reveal his large grin. "We didn't come at a bad time, did we?" Emma asked sheepishly. "No, no. I'm glad you two came here. I'm never too busy for you, my dear. I was just cleaning the stage today. A clean theater is a healthy one, I always say." Balan said. "Do you need some help? Me and Leo don't have anything going on today." Leo wanted to oppose. He came to have some fun, not to do chores. But after looking around, it did look like it could use some love. "Uh, yeah. what she said." Leo added. "I'd be more than happy if you lent a hand. Cleaning this place is too much, even for this man." She said as he handed them some masks and gloves.

Leo took the vacuum while Emma took the sponge and bucket. He cleaned up around the floors while Emma scrubbed the tables. As for Balan, he dusted around the box seats, cleaning up the cobwebs. Sometimes even the tims helped by squeezing underneath the chairs to get out the hard-to-reach stuff. Seeing them all dirty and covered in dust made them laugh.

After half the work was done, Leo decided to take a break. He took off his gloves and mask and went over to his backpack that was sitting in one of the chairs. He unzipped it and pulled out two cans of soda. "Hey, Emma!" He called. "Want to have a soda break?" Emma took off her gloves and mask and scooted towards him. "Sure. I'll have some." She said as Leo handed her another soda.

Both the teens were enjoying their beverages until Leo looked up to see Balan still dusting. He looked at his can of soda and back at him again. He had a thought. "Emma, do you think Balan has ever had a soda before?" He asked. She took another gulp before answering. "Uh... I don't know. Honestly, I don't even know if he needs to eat at all." "He's working hard too. Don't you think he deserves it? Besides, you and I both know he wants to really connect with us... Uh... Humans, I mean." Emma stood silent for a minute, thinking over what Leo was suggesting.

"Well... Don't get me wrong, Leo. I think offering him one would be nice. But at the same time, I don't think it'd be good for him." She said. "Why?" Leo asked. "Don't you know that soda is nothing but saturated sugar? With Balan being as high energy as he is, I don't think he could take it. That stuff could send him running down the hallways like he was on fire. Again, as nice as it would be, I don't think it'd be good for him. I'm just saying." She took the final sip of her drink and threw it in a trash bag she had by her, continuing to clean up the stage.

Leo, not finished with his yet, sat and thought about what Emma said. What harm could come if Balan just drank a small can of soda? It's not like it would kill him, right? After all, with him being so energetic, how could he get more hyped up than he already was? Part of him was saying not to do it. But on the other hand, he just had to see for himself.

"Hey, Bal!" He called. Balan looked over and landed towards Leo. "Leo, my boy. Is there something wrong? You haven't been standing here for very long." "No, it's nothing really. I was just wondering if you care to share a soda pop with me." Balan cocked an eyebrow. "Soda pop? This I have not heard. Tell me, what is the meaning of this word?" Leo reached into his backpack for another can. "Soda is a kind of drink. It's carbonated, so it's kind of fizzy when it goes down. But it's pretty good. Here, I've got another one for you." He handed Balan the can of soda. He looked confused at first.

"I just figured we needed a break from this cleaning for a minute. Go on. Have some." He insisted, opening the can for him. He heard it fizzle in the can and smelled it. It didn't smell like anything he's tried before, but it didn't smell bad. "I'm always one for trying something new. Tell me, Leo, is this ok with you? I'd hate to take something that would be yours. Especially for working so hard with all the chores." Leo snorted light-heartedly. "Please, I have more back at home. Besides, you've been working hard too. I think you deserve it." There was a three-second pause before Balan finally decided to take a drink. "If you insist, Leo. I'll give it a taste. After all, it'd be a shame to let it go to waste." He held it up to his lips, taking a big slurp from the can.

Emma looked over to see what was going on with the two. She looked over another angle to see what Balan was drinking... Uh oh... "Wait! No! Stop!" She yelled, but it was too late. Upon taking that huge gulp, Balan's eyes showed a weird expression. Leo was confused. Did he not like it? "Uh... Bal... You ok?" He asked. In less than a second, Balan started running around the auditorium. Literally bouncing off the walls.

Both Emma and Leo ducked and dodged to avoid being hit by their friend. He was like a pinball bouncing around everywhere, trying to hit as many things as he could to get the highest score. The teens both hid underneath a small corner in the stairs. Even the tims ran away to hide somewhere. "What have you done!" Emma yelled! "I told you it would get him all riled up!" "I didn't think he'd be going crazy like THAT!" Leo tried to defend. "I was just trying to be nice!" They sat in that corner as they continued to watch the maestro run around like a speeding bullet.

It took at least 25 minutes before Balan finally slowed down. He landed on the ground very dizzy until he fell on his back and passed out. The teens ran over to make sure he was ok, as well as the tims. "Balan? Balan!" Called Emma. She lifted up his head and rocked him around to make sure he was still conscious. To her relief, he woke up. She helped him sit up as he held his head to re-orient himself not long after he jerked his hand to his stomach. "What happened? I don't feel so good... Maybe I shouldn't have drunk that much as I should." He said woozily. The maestro covered his mouth to hide a belch.

"Leo gave you a can of soda. I warned him not to do it, but he didn't listen." She gave him a sharp scowl. "I was just trying to offer you something nice. I didn't expect you to go nuts... I'm sorry, Balan." Leo said with a sigh. He really did feel guilty for making Balan feel sick.

"It's ok, don't feel bad. I don't blame either of you. I didn't expect that beverage to make me go cuckoo. At least we all learned something in the end. Though I think it's best if I didn't have that drink again." He tried to stand up, his hand still clenched to his stomach. Leo and Emma got concerned when his face turned a slight green. "Bouncing off the walls made me feel uneasy. Though I think it's that soda that's making me feel queasy."

"I think you should take a rest, Bal. You don't look so hot." Leo pointed out. "I agree. You should relax until your stomach settles. We'll take you to your room so you can rest easy." Balan wanted to say he was fine, but his stomach said not to argue. So the teens lifted him up and held him steady until they got to his office.

The maestro tried to silently cover his burps as they walked to his room. When they finally arrived, they sat Balan down on the couch. The tims hopped up, chirping with concern. All he could do was smile, reassuring them that he was ok. "I'm sorry about that, Balan. That was my fault." Leo said, rubbing the back of his neck." "Now, now, my boy. There's no need for shame. These things happen all the same." He didn't want to make the boy feel bad.

"Ok now," Emma started. "You're going to stay right here until your tummy settles down. I promise you, it won't last long." "Yeah. You'll just feel a little gassy for now." Leo added. "We'll finish cleaning up the stage for the trouble we caused. Let us know when you're feeling better." Emma ended as she and Leo left his room. "Thank you for the kindness. I appreciate you two. If you need anything, I'll be there to help you." He said as he laid sitting up on the sofa.

Meanwhile, Emma glared at Leo. She opened her mouth to say something but was stopped by him. "Yeah, yeah. I know what you're going to say. It's my fault, I shouldn't have done that, I'm stupid, and blah, blah, blah, blah." He lifted his hand like a puppet as he spoke. Emma's glare softened. She couldn't help but giggle. "I'm not mad, Leo. But maybe next time, think twice before you offer something like that. I know you were trying to offer something nice, but maybe that wasn't the way to go." "Yeah, I know. I always gotta see things the hard way, don't I?" "Well, at least you learn a valuable lesson in the end. Come on. Let's finish cleaning. Then we'll check on Balan." They re-entered the auditorium and continued to finish what they started.

Art is welcome and appreciated

[mysterytickingegos]

I’ve Created a Monster

Pairing: Darkiplier x Clairvoyant!Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 2,480

Summary: After a bad date, you made a rather interesting friend. But better yet, you discovered something just as interesting about yourself. This something leads to a very exhilarating part of your life, but you learn the hard way that it’s not quite as glamorous an adventure as it may seem. The last person you’d expect is the one to bring you back to reality.

Anonymous Request: If I may request! :) Can I have a darkiplier x fem!reader fic with the prompts 37, 44, 45? After the events of wkm? Just some hurt and comfort to give me dem feelz 😀👍 Maybe Dark is the one saying it please? Much thanks!

Authors Note: Probably not what you were going for with the prompts but I hope you still enjoy it!

Want to read more?

[Image Description: A Gif of Darkiplier from the “horror” branch of “A Date with Markiplier,” speaking to the viewer at a table, while another image of him leans away and yells. End Description]

Junk mail, bill, wrong address, junk mail...

The usual. You weren’t sure what ‘cool thing’ you were expecting to get in the mail in 2020 but the disappointment was there anyway. Just as you shut your mailbox you heard somebody coming down the stairs and cringed, bracing yourself as you hoped it wasn’t who you thought it was. But of course it was.

Your upstairs neighbor, AKA the worst date ever. “Ah, hey Y/n.”

“Hi Mark...” You gave him a sad attempt at a wave, and he gave you a nod, walking over to his own mailbox.

‘How’s it going?”

“Great, yeah...you?”

“Good.”

And with that the room dissolved into awkward silence, and you took your leave back up the stairs. Funny enough these moments used to be filled with dumb jokes and flirting, that was until he finally asked you out. You had been overjoyed, happy that someone had taken an interest in you and glad that something was breaking your dull everyday routine. Little did you know the highlight of the date would be the end. He had taken you to an expensive restaurant only to reveal that he had ‘forgotten’ his wallet (which ended up falling out of his pocket in front of you in the theater.) Then he had been upset with you for accidentally falling asleep to what must’ve the most boring Rom-com you had ever been subjected to. You both seemed to be in silent agreement that this should never, ever happen again.

But unbeknownst to you and Mark, somebody else had been lingering around. That was the first time that specific somebody had decided to visit you, making a sucky date the least of your concerns. You spent the rest of your night watching compilations on YouTube and eating chocolate Ice Cream. You kept going from sad to angry over your horrible day in your head.

Were you only worth asking out for a free meal? A meal that for you took about half your grocery budget. You should’ve given that ass a piece of your mind.

You sniffed, wiping your eyes and scarfing down even more ice cream. “Damn it.”

“Aw, don’t cry, darling. It wasn’t that bad.”

You screamed and nearly jumped out of your skin, scrambling away from the man now next to you on the couch. The moment your feet hit the ground you grabbed your phone and locked yourself in your bedroom. “Who the fuck are you?!”

“Let’s say I'm a... friend of a friend. I thought I’d check up on you after that train wreck.” He spoke through the door. You heard a laugh layer over his voice, and wondered if somebody else was there.

“I’m calling the police!” You shouted back.

Then you heard the same voice just in front of you, clearly amused with the situation. “You’re welcome to do so, though I’m not sure they’d believe you.” It was the same man from the couch, smiling at you. You noticed how he seemed to be glitching, and how as his head tilted to the side his figure had duplicated in blue for a split second. “As I’m sure you can tell by now, I’m not exactly human.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I’d like to get to know you, Y/n. Is that so much to ask?”

The first few nights that you had stayed up a little too late and wound up speaking that deranged spirit again, you had been terrified. But soon enough you learned to enjoy his company. Sure, he could be a little unsettling at times, particularly when he was irritated and got...cold. Not just figuratively, which he was, but literally. The temperature in your apartment would drop a significant amount and you would change subjects shivering. But all in all, from what you could see behind that wall he had up, he was simply lost at worst, not exactly evil. And it was nice to not have to be so lonely all the time.

But during one of these visits, early on, you had decided to ask why.

“Why me, of all people?”

The man you had come to know simply as ‘Dark’  leaned in, lighting up as though he had been waiting on you to ask that this entire time. “Oh, Y/n. Don’t you know?”

“Why would I ask if I already knew?”

He let out an impatient sigh. ‘That’s...I was being...” He glanced up at you just in time to catch the smile playing at your lips after successfully ruining his aesthetic. “You know what? You can stay in the dark.”

“No no no, I’ll shut up, just tell me.” You turned to face him on the couch, tucking your legs under yourself.

He left you in suspense for a few moments, before dropping his voice down low when he spoke so you would have to lean closer in just to hear him. “Let’s just say you are...spiritually attuned to my world.”

“Spiritually attuned?”

“Yes, you are psychic, a medium, clairvoyant. Whatever you want to call it.” He explained. “You are a magnet to things outside the realm of the natural. A strange pair, aren’t we?”

And that was all it took, so many unexplained events from your past were now explained, and a world of possibilities was opened to you. You must’ve spent weeks researching how to harness your abilities, starting the second he left. Sure, most sites and blogs were absolutely full of it but you got the gist. With that and some common sense, how much could go wrong?

You started to take silly jobs on the internet, from old women who thought something was off with their mirrors to amateur ghost hunters who wanted a ‘consultant.’ It took you a while to gain some confidence that you weren’t just pulling this stuff out of thin air, that you hadn’t lost your mind. But after a few months, once you hit that learning curve, man it was fun.

Your latest job was a little more hardcore, a young family wanting help to push a poltergeist out of their new home. Their stories had chilled you to the bone, but you were happy to help. Your evaluation at the house went fine, nothing too far past what you were used to. Except, the entire time you were there you felt as though you had weight sitting on your chest. You could barely listen to the poor couple tell you what they experienced due to a faint scratching feeling at the back of your mind. You weren’t an expert yet but you could tell that whatever this thing was, it did not welcome you there. Worse yet, the feeling of being drained that the couple mentioned was certainly affecting you as well. Perhaps worse.

But all that accomplished was making you even more determined to rid the house of it. You took notes for your research later, tried to communicate in the most active part of the house (with no results,) and gave the couple the best advice you could at the moment.

“Until this thing is gone, it’s best you stay somewhere else.”

A few nights later, you had just finished packing your bag and begun heading for the door when you heard Dark just behind you. “Good evening, Y/n.” His voice was layered, followed by a subtle echo bouncing off the walls of your small apartment. When you turned to face him you saw he was already frowning, having realized you were on your way out. “Where are you off to so late?“

“I’m going to hang out with some friends. So I’m sorry, you’ll have to find some other way to entertain yourself tonight, instead of ya know, slowly but surely turning me into a nocturnal hermit.“ You joked, adjusting the tote bag on your shoulder.

He chuckled, bringing his hands behind his back. “I hate to break this to you my dear, but you were there well before we met.”

“Ha ha.” You turned to leave but were stopped short when you saw that he had apparated directly in front of you.

“What’s in the bag?” He asked, starting to reach for it curiously before you stepped back.

“Nothing.” You said, a little too quickly. “Just some party supplies, alright?”

He raised his brow, no longer amused. “...Convincing. Is it really so difficult to be honest with me?”

“Oh don’t even try and pull that card, you won’t even tell me why you’re haunting that jerk upstairs.”

His jaw clenched, and he looked away from you. “That’s different. Bringing such things to light would only do more harm than good.”

“Well, I may be wrong but...my thing is kinda the same. And I like what we’ve got going on so just let it go. Please?”

Dark stayed quiet, peeved off and clearly even more curious than he was before. Finally, he side-stepped out of your way, “Just be careful.”

When you got to the house, you were careful. Keeping lights on and keeping quiet while you did everything your research said you were supposed to. As you did, the spirit was also quiet, too quiet. And on your way home, you kept waiting for that heavy feeling on your chest to fade away.

Your apartment was freezing when you stepped out of the bathroom after your shower. Cold air brushed over your shoulders as you wrapped your arms around yourself. “Dark?” You called out, looking around for him. This wasn’t like him. He usually made you aware of his presence as soon as he showed up. You walked into your bedroom and when you locked eyes with another in the mirror, you froze.

This wasn’t like Dark, because it wasn’t him.

Instead, the person standing behind you was a very decrepit and very angry old woman, seemingly fading in and out of reality as she glared at you. “Y̸o̵u̶ ̴s̴h̷o̵u̶l̶d̸ ̸h̵a̵v̷e̷ ̵l̸e̴f̷t̶ ̷w̶e̶l̵l̶ ̸e̴n̵o̷u̶g̷h̶ ̶a̸l̶o̴n̸e̷.̴“

The mirror shattered and you whipped around to face her, but she wasn’t there. The air whirling around the place started to pick up, and picture frames flew off the wall at you, then other objects that had decorated your room. You tried to flee but your front door wouldn’t budge. You started to bang on it, crying in fear and praying that anyone would hear you. Next thing you knew though, you were flung towards the wall.

Finally, everything settled. The weight was off your chest, but there was plenty of pain there in it’s place. You slowly pulled yourself into a sitting position, then wiped the tears off your face with one hand and held the other over your ribs. You weren’t sure how long you sat there, waiting for something to happen and your heartbeat overpowered the ringing silence in your ears. You wanted to get your phone, to call for help but you were terrified of gaining attention again. You didn’t even really stop shaking until you heard a familiar voice.

“...Y/n?” Dark didn’t see you when he first showed up, just the disaster area that was your living room. Once had seen you, he was beside you in a blink of an eye. You didn’t even think about it before you wrapped your arms around him. He only gave you a moment of comfort before he pulled back, looking over you in concern. “What happened? Who hurt you?”

You couldn’t really get much out between pained wincing as he scooped you into his arms. “It was a -Ow- s-spirit.”

He laid you down on the couch as gently as he could, and you could see his face change from confusion to recognition to irritation. “Why, pray tell, would a spirit be here?”

“I may have taken a job to get rid of it...” You muttered under your breath.

“Unbelievable.” He shook his head, about to say something else before he stopped himself. Instead he moved his focus to your hand, moving it to reveal the dark bruise over your ribs.

“See, I knew you weren’t gonna like it.”

“You going off and messing with things you haven’t even begun to understand? Of course I don’t like it.” His figure glitched and layered itself in different colors before he got up and went to the kitchen.

You scoffed at his remark, trying to sit up. “Hey I understand more than you think, I’ve been doing this crap for months!”

He came back around the corner with an ice pack from your freezer in his hand. “Months?” He apparated in front of you, gently placing the pack down on the bruise, allowing you to squeeze his free hand until the shock wave from the pressure passed over you.

“I started looking into all this after you told me the truth.” You confessed. “I mean with the internet it wasn’t difficult, and I do my due diligence alright? I don’t know what went wrong.”

The aura behind him flashed pure red for just a moment, he approached his next words much softer than usual. “You can’t navigate things like this using the internet, Y/n.”

“Well I didn’t think you’d want to help me help everyone else get rid of their ghosts.”

He scoffed at you, beginning to raise his voice as the aura swapped back to blue. “You were right! I don’t understand why you would want anything to do with this, anyway. Why would you do this to yourself??” 

“I thought...I thought it’d be fun-”

“This isn’t a game!”

“You know I really don’t get you, why-”

“Of course you don’t! Do you even know what I am?”

“Well, no...”

“Neither do I.” He growled. His words truly sunk in once you saw the pain behind his eyes. He collected himself, taking a deep breath before continuing, “What I do know, is that I was human once. And people screwing with things that they shouldn’t have for selfish reasons is what turned me into this. Over the years I’ve had to see other terrible things happen to well meaning people. I’ll be damned if you throw yourself into the fire for fun.”

You nodded softly, breaking the intense gaze between you to look as your hands. “...Okay.” You opened your mouth to speak again after that, but decided against it.

“What is it?” Dark asked, trying and failing to hide the impatience in his voice.

“I just didn’t think...well I really didn’t think you’d care. Well, about this part I guess-”  You sighed, cutting yourself off this time, rather than rambling.

He was quiet for a moment, placing his hand under your chin and tilting your head up to look at him. “I care...more than you know.” It was the silence after that, that spoke volumes, and even more so the way he moved forward to press his lips to yours. “Now, if you’ll excuse me I have a poltergeist to take care of.”

[allsassnoclass]

ohhh wait also i wanted to send number 73 (height difference one) and thought it wouldn't work for them but it might for muke actually? -taylor<3

@squishmichael oh taylor never doubt my ability to create situations that give people a height difference regardless of how tall the characters actually are

muke: height difference kisses where one person has to bend down and the other is on their tippy toes

Michael has spent way too many hours in the theater if he's starting to get jumpy at every little noise. It's not difficult to let his imagination run wild when it gets late into the night and he's alone, but Michael himself has never had an encounter with one of their theater ghosts and he has no reason to believe that he'll have one now. It's an old building, so it stands to reason that the random noises he sometimes hears are all a result of the building settling, not a murderer walking around or anything like that.

Michael hopes it's not a murderer, at least. Then he'd probably be stuck haunting the theater with the other ghosts, and that's not an after-life he's ever wanted for himself.

Either way, he's been here too long. He sent the other carpenters home a while ago, only his phone playing music from the sound booth to keep him company, but the set really should be finished by tonight so the charge artists can work their magic tomorrow in preparation for tech week. All Michael has to do is finish attaching the railing to Juliet's balcony and he can go home to his dogs and his boyfriend and maybe, if he's really lucky, leftovers in the fridge because Luke managed to cook without burning the place down.

He only has two more screws left when he hears what sounds like someone tripping over one of the acting blocks backstage and a faint Ow, what the fuck.

"Who's there?" he asks, holding the screw gun out like it could possibly make an effective defense. It's not a projectile weapon like the nail gun, so it's basically useless. Maybe he could throw it, though. It's heavy enough to hurt a little.

"Just me!" someone calls, which is not very specific. Luckily, Michael recognizes the voice.

"Luke?" he asks, right before the man in question comes into view. He has a tupperware container in his hand and a scarf wrapped securely around his neck to fight off the chill that comes with sundown, curls a little unruly but otherwise looking perfectly like a model for a men's fall fashion collection.

"Luke," he repeats, lowering the drill. "You scared the shit out of me. How did you get in here?"

"You have the security code pinned on the fridge," Luke says, making his way across the stage and careful to avoid all of the tools, extension cords, and wood scattered around.

"Oh," Michael says. He's probably not supposed to leave the security code out for anyone to see, especially now that he's worked at the theater long enough to have it memorized. "What are you doing here?"

Luke holds up the container.

"I brought something to hold you over until dinner. Also, it's late and you weren't answering your phone. I figured you were caught up in things here, but I got a bit worried."

Michael gestures to the sound booth.

"I have it on do not disturb."

"Well, I realize that now," Luke says. "It also explains why you're here at ten at night without complaining to me about it."

"Is it really that late?" Michael asks. "Shit. I lost track of time, sorry. I'm almost done, I swear."

Luke shrugs.

"It's fine. I'm just glad you're okay and not dead in an alley. Besides, I get to see you in all your craftsman glory. There's nothing like a guy who knows how to handle power tools."

"Oh yeah?" Michael laughs, pressing the trigger on the screw gun twice. "That does it for you?"

"Well, maybe it's just you," Luke grins. Michael's heart flutters a little, the same way it always does when Luke pulls out something corny and sweet to compliment him.

"You're an idiot," he says, not bothering to hide the fondness saturating his words. "Let me put two more screws in, then we can go."

Luke wanders closer while Michael works, setting the tupperware down on the balcony floor in between the legs for the railing. He runs a hand up one of the legs, design carefully cut and sanded by Michael earlier in the day.

"What do you think?" Michael asks when he's done, leaning on the railing and looking down at him. "Is Juliet's balcony going to work? Does this look like a worthy balcony to be the subject of Romeo's iconic monologue?"

"I don't know," Luke says, looking up at Michael through his eyelashes. He still has a little bit of glitter on his eyelids from the day, making him sparkle under the work lights. He's always breathtaking, but Michael loves it when he pulls out the makeup if only for the added confidence it gives him. Besides, Luke's eyes are beautiful. Michael likes that the eyeshadow helps other people appreciate them as much as he does.

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?" Luke asks, gazing up at him. He pauses, then smiles. "I don't know any of the other lines, but I think it works. If I knew them, I'd monologue at you all night. You look good up there."

Michael is pretty sure he has sawdust in his hair, but Luke is looking at him like he's the prettiest thing he's ever seen. He feels his cheeks heat up under Luke's attention.

"You know, our Romeo is about your height. Think he'll be able to kiss Juliet from there?"

"We should test it out," Luke says. "Just to be sure it works."

"Yeah, definitely. I'd be a shitty lead carpenter if I didn't test it."

Luke tilts his head, gripping the railing legs. Michael cups the back of his neck and leans down, tugging Luke up towards him. Luke goes up on his toes, meeting Michael halfway sweetly. His lips are a little chapped and his nose is still cold from the walk from the subway to the theater, and Michael wants to keep him here until he warms up. Luke hums against him like he might agree.

Eventually Luke rocks back on his feet, breaking the kiss. Michael watches the glitter on his eyelids sparkle as he blinks his eyes open.

"I kind of like being taller than you for that," Michael says, swiping his thumb along Luke's jaw and loving the way that he leans into it. "It's a nice change of pace."

"Yeah?" Luke says. "We can do it again, if you want."

Michael doesn't respond, just leans down further and kisses Luke again.

He may not agree with most of Romeo and Juliet's decisions, but he thinks he understands them a bit better now. Kissing someone on a balcony is addictive, and he might make some silly decisions afterwards, too.

Of course, it might not be the balcony talking at all. Anyone would risk it all to be with Luke, and Michael thanks his lucky stars that he doesn't have to and can just keep kissing him instead.

[bluefirewrites]

Hc - Luke gets in trouble at school and forced to join the drama club latest production and try out , where he ends up getting the lead along with Julie (who they know of each other through there moms friendship. But the more they spend time together even outside school the more they fall for each other. And finally get together (sorry for the rambling sometimes have trouble writing what i want to say )

I had this whole response typed out before my computer crashed and it got lost in the void. 

I’m gonna mince some details just in case it happens again, but I love this concept. 

Luke’s a bad boy on campus. It’s hard to get him engaged in anything school-related, but the teachers just know that he’s got untapped potential, especially Ms. Harrison, the theater teacher. 

The band is on Luke’s mind all day every day. And he gets in trouble at school a lot because of it- borrowing the instruments from the music room for a quick jam session, pasting their gig posters over Carrie Wilson’s student body president ones, parking their band van in the teacher’s lot (it’s a lot closer!). 

But Luke’s latest scheme lands him in hot water with the principal. 

He thought it was a great idea to hijack lunchtime and turn it into an impromptu Sunset Curve concert. He and the boys hid on the stage over looking the cafeteria and they even bribed the sound tech to help them out. 

And in the middle of lunch, they burst through the curtains and started jamming out for everyone. 

And Luke may have gotten carried away. 

He may have jumped onto the nearest lunch table, treating it like his own personal runway, hopping and skipping over people’s lunches.

He may have miscalculated the space and so when he slid into a power stance, he may have spilled orange juice onto some poor girl’s homework.

He didn’t have time to apologize to the fuming girl before he’s up and running, inciting the now crowd of students into a riot with his music. 

Let’s just say that tables were tipped over, food was everywhere, and Principal Lessa was not happy. 

It was a success in Luke’s eyes. 

But then Lessa pulls him into the office and oddly enough, for Luke, Ms. Harrison is present. That’s where they give him the ultimatum: they suspend him and the boys for their little stunt, or they have to audition/ partake in Ms. Harrison’s spring musical. 

And Luke bawks at the idea. Because they’re a rock band! They don’t do show tunes!

But he takes the deal, mainly so his parents don’t get any more pissed at him. 

The boys all show up to auditions, and apart from Alex, the rest of them aren’t super into it. 

He sits down in the auditorium, waiting of his turn, when he notices the next person up for audition- Julie Molina.

He sorta knows her. Their moms are in book club together. When she auditions, Luke notices two things- 1) her voice is killer and 2) the script she’s holding is stained with orange juice. 

Whoops. 

She hops down the stage and catches his eye and she glares at him. And given the round of applause and Ms. Harrisons’s praise- Julie Molina seems to be the queen of the theater department. And Luke managed to have pissed her off. 

Great...

Then he goes up to audition, all ready to half-ass it because really doesn’t want to be a part of the play. So when it’s his turn, Luke doesn’t take it seriously- he purposefully flubs the words, he doesn’t act from the script- instead reciting a monologue from the Simpsons that made everyone, but Julie, laugh. 

Ms. Harrison only nods, and notifies him that the cast list would be put up at the end of the day. 

Luke, thinking he tanked it, doesn’t bother to stop in front of the cast list posted like everyone else does at the end of the school day. But when he tries to pass, everyone’s eyes are on him, including his friends’. 

“Um... Luke,” Alex says from his spot in front of the bulletin board, “You might wanna see this,” 

He pushes past the crowd until he can read the cast list. 

Oh no. 

He made the lead. 

Luke’s confused. He thought he put on the worst audition ever?

“Congratulations,” he hears from beside him and he sees Julie, arms crossed, not the least bit happy. 

And that’s when he reads the rest of the cast list- Julie’s the other lead. 

They’re going to be love interests. 

When it’s time for rehearsals, it’s an utter disaster. Luke’s never been in any production ever, so being part of a team, that’s not just him and the boys, is throwing him off. 

He can sing yeah- but he dancing? Acting? Not his forte. And Julie knows this, and gets so frustrated with him whenever they rehearse a scene together. 

But when it comes time to the duet- oddly enough, they sound great together. Amazing even. Luke wants to say that ever since hearing how their voices complimented each other’s, Julie eases up on him a little. 

Some weeks go by, and slowly but surely, Luke and the boys are warming up to theater culture. Alex, Reggie, and Bobby seem to be having a good time learning their parts and making new friends with the cast and crew, and pretty soon Luke and Julie form a tentative truce. 

One day, Luke closes his locker and gets spooked by Julie leaning beside him. 

“Hey,” 

“Hi?” They don’t talk during school. Only at rehearsal. So this is new. 

“How much of the songs have you memorized?” Okay, right down to it, Luke thinks. But it’s Julie- theater is her life. 

“All of them, don’t worry,” 

“And your lines?” 

“...” 

“I thought so. You called my character by Kayla’s character’s name. Do you even know what this play is about?” 

“Of course I do,” 

“We’ll see about that,” Julie then scribbles something on a piece of paper and hands it to him, “My place. After school. We will be running lines,” 

Luke starts going to Julie’s almost every other day to go through lines, and also because he needs all the help he can get when it comes to acting. 

Some days are good, others- well, are left to be desired, but Luke tries to get Julie to loosen up and he coaxes her into taking breaks and going out to eat during their one-on-one sessions. And he starts to find himself actually enjoying her company, and she with him- even if she’s reluctant to admit it. 

But over time, Luke starts to get a schedule down, now invested in the musical, he makes sure he gets to school on time, gets through his classes, rehearse, and days when he’s not rehearsing- he’s with Julie, working on their stuff. 

Luke’s mom notices a change in him, and even though it’s more music stuff that he seems to be getting up to, she doesn’t mind. And when Luke sees that his mom smiles every time he mentions that he’s off to see Julie, he knows their moms have definitely been talking to each other. 

When he would get to the Molina’s, he would pass Rose, greet her, and say that he’s going to be running lines with Julie. 

“Right,” 

“We are,” he insists, one time, after catching Rose smirking. 

“It’s just, I’ve been in theater myself when I was younger. I know what ‘running lines’ mean,” 

And to say that Luke shows up blushing to the garage where Julie was waiting was an understatement. 

But as much as Luke and Julie are killing it in their performances, there’s one part that trips Luke up. 

There’s a scene where their two characters confess their love for each other, following a group musical number, but Luke can’t get into it. 

He throws the script in frustration at the couch, “This is hopeless.”

“No, you’re doing good. It’s just missing something,” Julie says, pulling him closer to her, “You’re reading the lines. You’re not saying them,” 

“What does that mean?” 

“You need to channel the character. His thoughts and feelings in the moment, and you embody that. You show the audience that,” 

“So what do I need to do?” 

“You need to look like you’re in love with me, okay?” 

“Okay,” 

They run it a couple of times before they do it at rehearsal the next day. And after he and Julie go over their love confession, Luke inwardly curses himself because he couldn’t focus and he was worried he messed up in front of everyone during such an intimate scene. 

But once he concluded, Julie is looking up at him with an expression he’s never seen before, in surprised awe, and he could see a faint blush on her cheeks. And she ends up stammering into her part- something the Julie Molina never did. 

Everyone in the production applauds them- Reggie, Alex, and Bobby look at Luke, wide-eyed. 

Flynn comes up to them to show them the footage she captured of their rehearsal and Luke is stunned to see that his acting isn’t as terrible as he thought. In that moment, he really looked like he was in love with Julie as he said his lines. 

And then it hit him. 

The reason he couldn’t focus is because he had been too busy staring into Julie’s beautiful brown eyes, relishing the touch of her warm hand in his- and he didn’t even try to act, he said the lines as he normally would if he was talking. 

He didn’t look like he was in love with Julie. 

He was in love with Julie. 

It gets awkward between them since then, and they haven’t been able to recapture that same spark as their previous performance. And now that they have gotten their parts down, there’s no need for Luke to keep visiting Julie any more, and they only see each other at rehearsals. 

And then it comes- opening night. 

They run through it without a hitch earlier before and everyone’s all excited for how it’s gonna play out. 

Luke sees his parents out in the audience, chilling with the Molinas, and he stomachs his nerves before walking out and to perform. 

The production is successful, only minor mishaps occur (aka Reggie’s props keep falling apart, so he had to make due with invisible ones for the time being). 

And then it comes to the finale, the big scene. Luke goes in and delivers his lines, staring into Julie’s eyes and tries to channel the same feelings as before.

But when it’s Julie’s turn, she starts ad-libbing. She says her lines, but then she’s throwing in references that certainly aren’t relevant within the time period in which the musical takes place (”when you gave me your last strawberry for my frozen yogurt... I knew... I knew you were the one for me”), it makes the audience laugh but the heart was still there. 

Luke’s confused until he realizes. It’s not Julie’s character confessing her feelings for Luke’s anymore. 

It’s Julie confessing her feelings for Luke. Right there on stage. In front of everyone. 

She went off-script for him...

After curtain call, and everyone is riding that post-opening night high, Luke catches Julie before she could go meet her family out in the hallway. 

“Hey,” 

“Hi,” 

Luke pulls out his script, “Run it with me one last time?” 

“Luke, what-”

“Humor me, please,” 

Julie scans the script he hands to her. He’s circled their love confession scene, and when she reaches the bottom of the page, her eye catches a new, messily scribbled in stage direction. 

“’And they kiss...” Julie reads, a smile slowly growing on her face, “...hopefully??”

They both laugh at the latter words, and Luke looks at her sheepishly. 

“I mean... if it’s in the script, we gotta do it, right?” 

“You’re such a dork,” Julie says before pulling him in for a kiss. 

They pull away, and Luke has the audacity to smirk, “I believe this is what you call a ‘showmance’,” 

Julie quirks an eyebrow at the new vocabulary, “Someone’s been paying attention.” 

“I’ve learned a few things,” He nuzzles her nose against hers, “I had a pretty good teacher.” 

“I have plenty more to teach you,” 

“Oh really?”

“Like, for instance, how the warp party at Denny’s is a must,” She takes him by the hand and leads him out of the theater, giggling “Come on!” 

They dash through the hallways until they come up on their friends and family, who were proud of their performances. Luke looks up from hugging his mom in time to see Ms. Harrison grinning at him and giving him a thumbs up. 

‘Thank you,’ he mouths to the teacher. 

Maybe theater wasn’t that bad of an idea after all...

[green-socks]

Hungry Eyes chapter 1

Pairing: Benny Miller x OFC (Dirty Dancing AU)

Summary: Dirty Dancing but here Benny is in the role of Baby and the dance instructor is a female OC. Benny goes to the resort with Will’s family (because who wouldn’t want cool uncle Benny to join their summer vacation?), and ends up falling for a dance instructor working on the resort. This first part is Benny and the dance instructor’s first meeting, basically the “I carried a watermelon” scene if you will.

Words: 1,818

Warnings: Alcohol/drinking, some curse words. Something else? Let me know!

Notes: This is one of those “I want to see it so I have to write it” situations. I have never ever written fiction before and this is scary as fuck, but I have this story in my head and now I’m trying to put it into words. I’m posting this part of the story now because I can, but I’m also working on a prologue of sorts.

This idea came to me in a dream (which was probably inspired by this headcanon ) and I told @the-purity-pen about it and she told me to write it. Without your encouragement I never would have even tried this fun thing and I’ll love you forever for it <3

And of course I’ll be eternally grateful to @astroboots for the beta and giving me that final push! Thank you for letting me ramble to you about this and being so lovely <3

Prologue

-----------------------------------------------------

The night was warm, only the sounds of crickets and the slight rustle of wind keeping Benny company on his walk. Most people on the resort, like his brother and his family, had already retired to their cabins and rooms for the night. It was quiet, calm.

Despite what many people thought, Benny enjoyed the quiet. Needed it, in fact. He was always energetic around people, giving them all of himself. And he didn’t have to fake that energy, but sometimes even he needed to wind down and enjoy some peace and quiet. These walks, this whole vacation, was his time to relax and just be.

Benny was walking along a path near where the hiking trails begin when he heard the quiet thumping of bass through the night air. The further he walked along the path the louder the music got.

Through the bushes and trees Benny could see a house a little further up the hill. There seemed to be a party going on there, judging by the noise and music coming through its open windows. Benny wondered who were partying there and if the house even belonged to the resort or if it was a private property.

He continued walking, thinking he’d just walk past the house and continue further into the woods, when he saw a woman on the bottom of the stairs leading to the house. She was carrying a big box in her arms, clearly struggling under the weight of it.

“Hey! Do you need help with that?” Benny hollered to the woman.

She let out a breath. “Sure, thanks,” she answered, while handing Benny the box and starting to climb up the stairs. “Hope it isn’t too heavy!”

“Nah, doesn’t weigh a thing. We goin’ to the party house over there?” Benny asked, nodding his head in the direction of it.

“You’re technically not supposed to be here, you know. It’s off limits to resort guests.”

“I can keep a secret”, Benny grinned. 

“What’s your name?” she asked him. “Benny.” “Nice to meet you Benny. My name’s Lily,” she added, pointing to the name tag still on her work shirt.

“Anyway, some of us who work on the resort live in this house for the summer, and sometimes we throw parties. But they’re strictly for a limited group of people, and we could get into a lot of trouble if our employees or other resort guests found out, so you better keep your mouth shut,” she warned sternly.

“I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

They continued up the stairs and Benny heard the telltale clinking of bottles from the box even through the loudening music.

“Wait, you’re all of age, right? Cause this is a lot of booze”, Benny asked, suddenly slightly worried about assisting these partiers.

“Oh yeah, don’t worry, we have a strict no minors policy!” Lily answered.

With that they reached the top of the stairs and Lily held open the door for him into the house.

Benny wasn’t fully prepared to the sight that greeted him.

Sure, he had seen his share of parties, especially with his boys, but these people were wild.

There were no more than twenty people in the room, but they were all dancing like no tomorrow. Benny doubted they even needed all the booze he was carrying to let loose like that.

He watched in awe the mass of bodies moving to the beat, everyone shaking, grinding, jumping, twisting, and twirling around without a care in the world.

“Who are these people?” He asked incredulously, eyes wide.

Lily laughed at his shock. “We’re the entertainment team! Most of us are dancers or come from a theater background. Now come on!” she said and led him deeper into the house.

Benny suddenly felt like some silly delivery boy, even though he was probably older than most of them, when he maneuvered around the dancing people, trying to watch his step. Some of them spared him curious glances before getting lost in the music again.

“I imagine you don’t dance like this during the day when you’re doing dance classes on the resort?” Benny joked, still trying to get his bearings.

“Oh hell no, this is just for our own entertainment here,” Lily laughed again.

Suddenly two more people burst through the door, arm in arm, and everyone cheered happily in greeting. 

A man and a woman, who Benny recognized as the lead dance instructors on the resort, joined the party, immediately grabbing drinks and making their way through the dancefloor.

Benny noticed how they seemed to greet everyone individually by dancing with them; how they took eye contact and often physical contact with everyone and danced with them for a while before moving on, each one with a slightly different way. It was like they were speaking to one another, all these bodies communicating through movement alone.

He was mesmerized looking at them both, the attractive couple that were clearly the life of the party. But he couldn’t take his eyes off the woman who seemed to move so easily, so freely, the joy and love she was feeling visible in her every movement.

Benny couldn’t believe this was the same woman who had taught a dance class to his nieces earlier that same day. Sure, he had noticed her even then, how could he not; she was very pretty.

But the woman he was seeing now was sexy, confident, nothing like Benny had seen before.

“Those are my friends Patrick and Jolene, they helped me get this job!” Lily shouted in his ear over the music.

“They seem to have great chemistry,” Benny remarked, his gaze still focusing mostly on Jolene.

“Yeah, it’s because they know each other so well. People always think they’re together --“ Benny certainly thought their very physical and intimate way of dancing would mean that “-- but they’re just best friends from a long time”, Lily chatted casually, oblivious to Benny’s thoughts.

Benny found his heart beating a little faster with this information, not that he really knew what to do with it.

His mouth was getting dry and he was breathing a little quicker. For fuck’s sake, he was getting a little turned on from watching her. Get it together man, he thought to himself.

Benny tried not to stare too hungrily; he didn’t want to be that creepy guy at the party that no one even knew.

The longer he watched these people dancing their hearts out the more he found himself slightly bopping along the beat, wishing he had a beer in hand, or maybe that he knew how to dance like they did.

______________

Jolene was enjoying herself, finally letting off steam after a hard day’s work. Few things on this earth made her happier than dancing, especially dancing with her best friend Patrick on these summer nights they got to spend together.

As she spun around in Patrick’s strong arms, she noticed the tall stranger standing near the back of the room next to Lily. Who the heck was this guy and where did he come from?

Jo tapped Patrick on the shoulder to let him know she was going to get something to drink and made her way through the crowd towards Lily and the stranger.

“Hey, Lil. Who’s your friend here?”

“Oh, this is Benny. He came with me.” Lily answered happily.

“Yeah, I, uh, helped her carry the box up here”, the guy, Benny, supplied shyly in a deep voice, pointing at the box in question.

Jo gave Lily a stern look. She really should’ve known better than to bring customers up here. These parties were kept a secret for a good reason, since they could all lose their jobs if the resort managers found out, but especially her and Patrick, because they were responsible for their team. And they were already on thin ice as it were, because, in Jo’s humble opinion, the managers were a bunch of jerks.

Lily just shrugged and Jo sighed deeply before turning to look at the man next to her, who, for some reason, was avoiding her gaze.

“Well, Benny, would you like to dance?” Jo thought she could size the guy up a little better if she could get him alone with her. She had to look after her team after all. Besides, he looked a little lonely, bopping along the music shyly. Maybe she could teach him a few things.

Benny looked a little startled, as he answered “Oh, I don’t know how to dance”.

“Don’t worry, I’ll teach you,” Jo said, pulling him on the dancefloor.

“C’mon, just follow my lead. Do this. And try to feel the rhythm.” Jo started showing him how to move to the beat, swaying from side to side.

“Good, now loosen your hips a little more,” Jo instructed, putting her hands on his hips and directing his movements.

Jo had to hand it to the guy; he was learning surprisingly quickly, and it was refreshing to see a man who was willing to try and learn dancing even if it was a bit awkward at first. His movements were a little stunted, but he clearly had a good ear for the rhythm. He was even smiling and laughing a little at his own awkwardness, but Jo could see he was also enjoying himself.

“Okay, now let’s try this. Follow my lead again,” Jo said, putting her hands on his broad shoulders. He was so tall she had to reach pretty far, but they managed it anyway. Jo stepped closer and started grinding against him, showing him how to move by using her own body to guide him.

Slowly Benny was easing into it, even putting his arms on her waist.

“Okay, you’re getting the hang of it now!” Jo smiled at him proudly and he grinned back.

_______________

Benny was actually enjoying himself. He was dancing with a gorgeous woman and he wasn’t making a complete and total fool of himself. He considered that a victory at this point.

He just knew Santi would be laughing his ass off if he could see Benny now. Will probably would tease him too.

Benny grinned at the thought. But hey, they weren’t here and he was having fun so who cares, he thought.

Although he had to admit, he was still a little shocked at the fact that this amazing dancer was dancing with him and even looking like she wasn’t completely hating it.

He was still a little dazed when the song ended and Jolene patted his arm, told him “See you around” and bounced her way to the middle of the crowd again.

“Yeah, uh, see ya,” Benny muttered after her, standing awkwardly on the edge of the dancefloor.

Deciding he had probably already overstayed his welcome Benny readjusted his hat on his head and quietly headed out to the warm night air again.

---------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2

Notes: If you read this far I don’t even know how to react. Thank you?If you like Benny and/or Dirty Dancing we can probably bond over that

[ingek73]

Why Meghan Markle Is a Champion for All Women

By Brittany Alexandra Sulc, updated on May 1, 2021

March is women’s history month, and the women of decades past deserve our celebration. Without them, we wouldn’t have the right to vote, own property or have a say in our own reproductive rights. The thing is, if that’s our bar for women’s liberation, it’s really low. The life of Meghan Markle is a perfect example.

This woman, who’s as close to a real-life, modern-day princess as a person can get, has been harassed, scrutinized and picked apart by the media and the royal family alike. In celebration of International Women’s Day, Meghan Markle’s bold moves are proof of how far we’ve come. Our treatment of her is proof of how far we have to go.

Meghan Markle is a new kind of royal, and not everyone’s a fan.

Let’s roll the tapes, shall we? Meghan Markle was born and raised in Los Angeles, California, and identifies as mixed-race. At age 11, Meghan confronted Procter & Gamble about a national dish soap campaign that she believed was sexist. A few months later, the company changed its ads.

She excelled in school, graduating from Northwestern in 2003 with a double major in theater and international studies. She went on to become an actress but met initial resistance because of her "ethnically ambiguous" looks. While she waited for her acting career to take off, she supported herself by teaching bookbinding and working as a freelance calligrapher. In 2011, she landed a lead role in USA’s "Suits," which she continued for several seasons through 2017.

She met Prince Harry in 2016, and the couple hit it off instantly. Less than two years later, they were married, and the following year, they welcomed their first child. At first glance, that sounds like every American girl’s dream. After growing up with Disney, "Princess Diaries" and the "Prince and Me," we all secretly loved the idea of being a princess. Meghan Markle lived out our dreams, but as it turns out, they weren’t as idyllic as we imagined.

In the five years since Meghan Markle met her prince, she has:

Struggled to gain acceptance from the royal family.

Been the target of harsh criticism and constant rumors from the British press and numerous tabloids. It got so bad that Prince Harry filed a defamation suit against one of them, which he recently won.

Had every detail of her past and personal life examined under a magnifying glass and exploited.

Faced significant backlash over her supposed choice to break with royal tradition.

Essentially, she dared to be American, middle-class, mixed-race, feminist and human. And she was punished for it.

Meghan Markle’s split from royal life was a symptom of a society stuck in the past. During Meghan’s time as an active member of the royal family, she faced a markedly different response from the media than her sister-in-law Kate Middleton. Meghan Markle’s previous divorce was picked apart, despite the fact that it happened years earlier. Something as innocuous as rubbing her pregnant belly, a pretty universal expecting-mom habit, was called "vain," while Kate was praised for doing the exact same thing.

Tabloids constantly portrayed Meghan as a rebellious villain set on breaking from tradition. In an 84-minute interview with Oprah, which was a scandal in and of itself, Meghan insists that couldn’t be further from the truth. She did her best to support the royal family, but they failed to return the favor.

When they had the opportunity to go on public record and deny slanderous rumors about her, they declined. In the interview, Meghan Markle stated, "They were willing to lie to protect other members of the family, but they weren’t willing to tell the truth to protect me and my husband."

When she appeared on the cover of almost every British tabloid, the royal institution asked her to lay low, despite the fact that she had left the house only twice in the previous months. It was all about appearances. Speaking of appearances, there was also a discussion about how her son would look when he was born. Specifically, whether his skin would be dark. Between blatant racist and sexist remarks to controlling isolation and a lack of support from "the firm," Meghan Markle’s mental health suffered. Whose wouldn’t?

In the 21st century, we’re still prioritizing appearances over mental health and human welfare. It needs to stop.

Meghan Markle endured all of this while pregnant, breastfeeding and adapting to motherhood. She went on to experience a miscarriage as well. Miscarriages are quite common, and they often happen without any apparent cause. Still, pregnancy is a physically taxing feat, and it’s possible for stress to impact a woman’s ability to sustain a healthy pregnancy. It’s insane that in 2021 we have cause to wonder whether the world stressed a so-called princess into a miscarriage.

How we treat people has a profound effect on their well-being. A modern-day "princess" felt so alone, so mistreated, that she didn’t want to be alive anymore. This is in her own words. She was so miserable that she didn’t feel like herself, experiencing terrifying, concrete thoughts about ending her own life. She felt trapped in a very similar way many of us felt during 2020’s lockdown, isolated and out of options. She sought help and was told no repeatedly because of how it might look, even when her life was at risk.

She attended an event in a beautiful, sparkling blue gown, because she did not trust herself to stay home alone. Harry clung to his wife’s hands in love and fear, while she cried every time the cameras turned away. The pictures show only her smiles.

Meghan Markle is the kind of princess we should all support.

To say that the situation was unacceptable was an understatement. It could easily be said that it was abusive. The dark, controlling nature of royal life was thick with racist overtones. The accusation that the couple abruptly left the royal family was, according to their interview with Oprah, entirely false. And we believe them. They left because, after two years of asking for help, they received none. Harry feared that he would lose his wife due to the toxic treatment by Britain’s oldest institution — much as he lost his mother Diana. The institution was more afraid of losing the favor of the tabloids than of losing the first person of color in their family to depression.

When the couple relocated to Canada, protections for them and their son Archie were cut off. Their location was already public knowledge, so they relied on Tyler Perry’s generous support to stay safe. When death threats are a common occurrence, safety is a pretty big consideration. They later moved to California, where they’ve spent the last year restarting their lives almost from scratch.

Meghan Markle entered the royal family with the intention of being a devoted part of it. There was no sinister plan to steal a prince from his royal lifestyle. Meghan and Harry left out of necessity. In many ways, it was an escape. Leaving simply wasn’t done, but they bravely did it anyway.

Love her or hate her, Meghan Markle deserves your respect.

She had no obligation to live the life Queen Elizabeth, the media, or anyone else expected of her.

In Markle's interview, she stated that during the wedding, her wedding, it didn’t feel like her day. It was a day for the world. The expectation was that she married a centuries-long institution, but she chose to, very simply, marry the man she loved instead. She’s now raising a beautiful family with him, passing on values they truly believe in. That’s a happily ever after we should support.

Whether or not Meghan Markle is a perfectly poised picture of royalty is irrelevant. She’s human, and it’s time we treat her like it. She elected to do what was right for her and her family despite scrutiny from the media and the royal family. Despite opposition from the literal queen.

It should not need to be said in 2021 that all women deserve respect, but apparently, it does. All women deserve respect, especially women like Meghan Markle. Meghan Markle represents us all. She represents the woman who wants privacy in the days after giving birth to her first child. The woman who gets upset with her sister-in-law, then has to defend herself against a twisted version of the story making national news. She represents the women whose health and happiness came second because of damaging stigmas. She represents the woman of color who doesn’t ever get a fair shot, no matter how hard they try to do everything "right."

Like her or not, every woman can see a part of herself in Meghan Markle. That’s why it’s so important to support each other. While the royal family didn’t speak out in support of Meghan Markle, 72 female members of British parliament did. We can only hope that the next time a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman of color joins Britain’s royal family, they think twice about how they treat her. Then, they treat her right.