#they’re just living for themselves and each other. making their own fun because it’s all they have

[inoankin]

not to awopost twice in five minutes but you guys the arm wrestling minigame is so fucking important. like narratively, obviously it foreshadows the final fight, but it could so easily be used to foreshadow the victor as well. maybe leo is phyically stronger from years of being beaten down, and he’s so fucking desperate on that rooftop, driven by fear and rage and the need to protect his family. maybe vincent has more stamina, and is terrified to die before he even learns his daughter’s name, before he can reconcile or at least settle things with his wife. and of course there’s the development of their relationship and admiration of each other facilitated by the match, how one gloats and the other scoffs but you know he doesn’t mind, maybe even finds it endearing. and the throughline of hand-holding through the entire story, how they grasp each others’ hands and look each other in the eyes and still vie to beat the other. always one against one. even when they’re together they are against one another. and vincent knows it will all go wrong but he still grasps leo’s hand and grins when leo teases, because he can’t help himself, he can’t stop himself from liking leo and all his brash, cocky swagger. god dude. you don’t get it.

[desertduality]

HELLO soo I was inspired by @stiffyck and the most recent secret life episode to write some tcd angst set in secret life <33 Enjoy :D

Link to Ao3 if you prefer to read there

———----

Scar, despite all odds against him, does hold his own for a little while. Gem is after him, bloodthirsty and intent, for reasons that Scar doesn’t know. She traps his base, she shoots at him, stabs at him — and he survives it all, up until he doesn’t. There are four of them by then, and they hunt him down and pick him off. And he dies. 

These games are fun, is the thing. They get together and they make silly little groups with playful rivalry’s and eventually someone wins. It’s fun. Scar has fun, usually. 

None of them know about the world he came from. That lonely, ravaged, barren world. The zombies had been everywhere, fast and stubborn. Scar had been young and hurt and alone, and had learned to run on broken legs before he learned how to read. 

It’s been a long time ago, now. The memories sneak up on him far less often than they used to, and he’s better. This though, this thing with Gem and the others, it’s hitting him in places that still hurt; places that will always hurt. 

Scar is fresh off his first death, still reeling from being hunted down, and Cleo and Grian are telling him he can’t stay. 

“You’re not one of us,” Grian says, and they’re just playing a game, but Scar is confused. He’d been invited, hadn’t he? But then Cleo had taken it back. 

“Scar!” Bdubs is a distance behind him, sitting atop a horse and calling his name urgently. “Scar, we need to talk to you.”

Scar goes, and hears whispering behind him, something about zombies and spreading. It makes a bit of nerves flare up in his stomach, but he ignores them. He is far enough removed from the past that hearing the word won’t send him into hysterics. He’s even recovered enough that he can handle the sight of a few zombies, even if his heart rate elevates until they’re gone. He’s better, he is. 

Bdubs takes him back to the others, and they explain to him what’s been going on. It’s Gem’s task to spread the Boogeyman curse, one by one, to everyone. He suddenly feels a little bad for trying to burn the book earlier, because this sounds like a good time. Causing some chaos, killing some people, making each other laugh — it's what they’re all here for. It’s why they play the game.

(There’s a small but persistent inkling of unease living behind his rib cage at the fact that they’re comparing themselves to zombies, to an apocalypse, but he ignores it. It’s not important enough to mention it, and he doesn’t want to ruin everyone’s fun.)

They get Etho, and Gem praises him for it, and Scar tries not to compare the fortress the others are defending to the bunkers he used to raid. His brain still makes the connection, as much as he wishes it didn’t. The memories trickle in slowly, making him more and more on edge as the day goes on. It will be over soon, Scar tells himself. Then he can rest, and go back to being better.

Joel has a zombie spawner to farm XP. Scar has used it, has been inside it. He’d been expecting zombies, then. He doesn’t expect it when Joel throws down sixty-four zombie eggs in a row. 

The thin and fraying thread tying him together snaps.

Everyone is screaming and yelling, running, chasing after Joel. There are zombies as far as he can see, in groups and alone, groaning and gurgling into the night. It fills his ears, wraps itself around his mind like a vice, catapults him back to when he was just a kid, fighting the world with his teeth bared and no one at his back. 

Everything goes fuzzy and distant, the noises muffled beneath his heartbeat and heaving breaths echoing endlessly in his ears. He slows to a stop, chest heaving and eyes wide, skin going cold and numb with terror. Nothing makes sense. Everything is wrong. 

There’s something in his hand, and he looks at it, panicked tears prickling at his eyes. He’s holding a sword, and an anguished, confused noise rips itself from his throat. Where’s his gun? Guns are better, guns are safer; guns mean he doesn’t have to get close. 

The moaning of the undead is growing louder, they’re coming for him, and he stumbles forward with gasping breaths, eyes flitting around wildly as he searches for a place to hide. The ground is filled with craters, zombies in every direction, and he blinks desperately to clear his blurry vision, pushing forward with all the desperate agony of a man living on borrowed time. 

He thinks he hears someone call his name, but it can’t be real, it’s just a memory, it’s just his stupid, persistent hope manifesting itself at the worst possible time. He has to get back to his base, his bunker, but nothing looks familiar, no direction looks like the correct way to go—

He runs anyway, passing by a giant stone statue and weaving around holes in the ground and slashing blindly at anything that looks like it’s moving. He spots a tower in the distance, oddly shaped and oddly colored, but a structure nonetheless, and he runs for it. The zombies are here and they never left and he never left and he runs. 

He only makes it halfway. 

There’s a zombie in one of the craters, and Scar doesn’t see it, is too wrapped up in his tunnel vision, and it grabs at his ankle as he walks by. He hits the ground, hard, his knee hitting first before everything else. He hears a sharp crack, and knows it’s broken. 

He twists his head around wildly, tearing his leg out of the zombies cold grip with a yell of pain, dragging himself out of reach just in time for others to bear down on him. His vision becomes a swirling kaleidoscope of hands and teeth, of skin and claws, and he opens his mouth and screams. 

(He won’t know until later, but everyone near spawn hears it. Everyone hears it, and freezes, and turns to look. It sounds like pure terror, like the final cry of a dying man. None of them will ever forget it.)

He swings his sword wildly, slashing and scrambling to get away, but his knee hurts and they’re pushing him down, he can’t get up—

He hears yelling, distantly, but that still can’t be right, no one else is here, no one else can save him—

Scar rolls to the side, and falls into one of the craters, dirt and pebbles sprinkling down on top of him when he hits the ground with a dull thud. He shouts through clenched teeth as the landing jostles his leg, but still pushes himself up and back until his back hits the solid side of the hole. Grass and dirt is still clinging above him, forming somewhat of an overhang. They can’t attack from directly above. Scar grips his sword in violently shaking hands and waits for the hoards to find him. 

He still hears the voices, but he shouldn’t be hearing voices, he’s alone here, he hasn’t heard a human voice not his own since he was six, and he closes his eyes tightly for a few seconds, willing himself back to reality. Something drops to the ground in front of him, and Scars eyes wrench themselves back open, landing on the shadowed figure of a person coming his way. He has both hands on his sword, and he points it at the approaching zombie. 

It speaks. It says his name. 

“Scar,” the figure says, a deep, frantic concern in their voice. “Are you— What happened? Are you okay?”

The cloud that had been blocking the moon slowly drifts away, and Scar gets a good look at the figure — the person — in front of him. He’s human, he’s alive, and Scar knows him, he knows who it is, but he can’t be here, he’s not supposed to be here. This is the world where Scar is young and alone. No one else belongs here. 

The past and the present collide angrily in his head; he doesn’t know what’s real. He doesn’t even know this person's name. The person is crouching a few feet away, empty hands extended imploringly, worry plain in his eyes. Scar’s eyes catch on his shirt, black with gold accents, and can’t help but think that something’s missing. A letter, he thinks, but can’t quite remember which one. 

It doesn’t matter. He’s not really here. 

He must’ve said some of that out loud, because the man’s face drops, something heartbroken pinching at his eyes. Scar feels bad, and doesn’t know why. 

“I’m here, Scar,” says the man, voice trembling. “I’m real. You’re okay.”

The man is a liar. Scar shakes his head, a trembling exhale shaking his tense frame. The sword remains steady. 

“No,” Scar says, voice strained and breaking. “No, you— you can’t be. Not here.”

“Scar—“

“Stop saying my name,” Scar begs. “I don’t know— I don’t know who you are.”

It’s only half true. He recognizes him, knows he’s a friend, but his brain is rebelling against the very thought that he could exist in a place like this. In the place Scar grew up. No. Everyone was either dead or undead, here. Everyone but Scar. This person with sad eyes and gentle hands does not belong. 

“Impulse!” Another voice is calling down at them, and Scar looks up, catching a glimpse of bright orange curls and mismatched eyes. Nothing makes sense. “Is he okay?”

The man — Impulse — looks at him, and then looks up. He can still hear the zombies, everywhere and far too many. 

“Get Grian,” Impulse says, and the person above them freezes for just a moment, and then disappears. 

Grian, Scar thinks. Another name he knows. Another name that doesn’t make sense to be hearing in a world like this. His mind scrambles, his eyes sting, the zombies groan and shriek above him. Nothing makes sense. 

Grian will, some distant and muted part of him says. 

Grian will. 

—————————

Grian is on top of their cobblestone tower — laughing at the sheer amount of zombies and chaos in the distance — when Gem comes tearing up the slope at high speeds, something frantic and determined in her eyes. 

“No zombies allowed!” Grian calls down, grinning, though it dims when she looks up at him. There is something serious and desperate about her gaze. 

“Grian!” She slides to a stop at the base of their castle, face dotted with sweat and panic. “You need to come with me, something—“

“You’re just going to kill me,” Grian says, confused and faltering. “Why would I—“

“It’s Scar,” Gem interrupts, a harsh concern clipping her words. “He’s— Something’s wrong with him, a zombie got him and he screamed.”

Grian tilts his head. “Scar screams all the time.”

“Not like this,” Gem says, sounding genuinely shaken. “Not like this, Grian, please.”

She doesn’t even have her sword out, standing at the base of their fortress with wild eyes and a desperate plea. Something’s wrong with Scar. Something bad enough that everything else has gone out the window. Gem’s not here asking him to play the game. She’s here begging him to pause it. 

“Okay,” Grian says, a new bubble of panic growing in his chest. “I’m coming, let’s go.”

Gem nods at him when he emerges from the tower, and then she takes off running, leaving Grian with nothing to do but follow. It seems to take forever to get there, weaving around hoards of zombies and craters left over from the wither attack. The other server members are mowing through the hoards with swords and axes, and what seems to be extreme prejudice. They all look a bit shaken. The coil of nervous worry in Grian’s rib cage grows. 

Gem stops them at a random crater, and nods. “Down there,” she says, and then throws herself back into the fray, cutting through any undead limbs that reach for her. The surface is a battlefield. 

Grian drops down, and Impulse turns to look at him, grim concern pressing his lips thin. He looks relieved when he sees him, and Grian looks behind him and realizes why. 

Scar is there, hunched against the wall and shaking like a leaf, sword held in trembling hands and fearful eyes flickering between them. Grian’s stomach drops, and he inhales shakily. Scar looks lost, and so very, very afraid. He’s never seen him like this. 

“It’s the zombies,” Impulse says, quietly. “They set him off somehow, I— He barely recognizes me.”

Grian remembers, distantly, Double Life. Scar had fallen into a pit of zombies, and they had both died that day. He hadn’t quite understood why their shared heart had been beating so fast for so long after; he never knew the reason for Scar’s shell-shocked eyes above his trembling smile when they met back up. He still doesn’t know why, but now he knows for sure. Scar is afraid of zombies. 

“Get rid of them,” Grian says, equally hushed, even though everyone has already started. Impulse just nods, one hand on his sword, and climbs out of the crater. Grian turns to Scar. 

“Scar,” Grian starts, voice carefully relaxed. “You’re safe, okay? We’re getting rid of them.”

Scar shakes his head, moonlight catching on the tear tracks on his face, and Grian aches.

“You can’t be here,” Scar says, turning pleading eyes towards him. “You— You can’t be here.”

Grian gets a little closer, and crouches down, doing his best to appear non-threatening. “Why not, Scar?”

“It’s wrong,” Scar says, sounding all of ten years old, terrified and unsteady. “I’m supposed to be alone, you can’t be here.”

“Why are you supposed to be alone?” 

“It’s just me, it’s always just me,” Scar insists, and then he inclines his head upwards, to where the zombies are still groaning. “Me and them.”

Grian swallows, feeling out of his depth and worried. The only reason Scar would have a reaction like this is if it had once been true. Once upon a time, it really had just been Scar and hoards of zombies. And in Scar’s mind, that’s where he was. He’d never left. Grian’s stomach rolled. 

“We’re not there,” Grian says, still unsure where there was. “We’re in Secret Life, Scar. We’re playing a game.”

Scar shakes his head again, violently, and starts trying to stand up. A muffled whine escapes his throat when he puts weight on his knee, but still he stands. Grian wants to grab him and shake him and then wrap him up in several blankets. 

“You’re hurt,” Grian says, a note of pleading in his voice, hands hovering, wanting to reach out. “You shouldn’t be walking, Scar.”

“I’ve walked on worse,” Scar says vacantly, and twists around to look behind him, making a noise of frustration. “My backpack, where’s my— I need—“

“Backpack?” Grian repeats. 

“I need morphine,” Scar says, voice tight with pain and panic. “I need to get out of here. You need to get out of here. You can’t be here.”

Morphine. Scar’s plan is to numb the agony of a broken knee and run on it anyway. Scar says it like it’s normal, like there’s no other choice, like this is the only way. Maybe it was, once. Grian wants to scream and cry and pull the universe apart with his hands. Instead, he grabs Scar’s wrist in a gentle hold. 

“I am here,” Grian says, soft but firmly still, and Scar freezes. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Grian tugs at his wrist making Scar meet his eyes, trying to ground him. Scar blinks at him, hazy and distant, chest heaving. Grian reaches out slowly, and takes the sword from Scar’s hand. 

“Do you remember,” Grian begins, “asking me to be your friend?”

Grian remembers. Scar, with grey skin and crimson eyes, hiding a sheepish grin behind a bouquet of poppies and lilacs. Something like recognition flickers across Scar’s face, and Grian keeps going. 

“We had a llama called Pizza.”

“I blew you up on accident.”

“The moon was falling and you built a rocket upside down.”

“You were my soulmate, of course it was you—“

“You made fun of our bread bridge.”

“You were actually a pretty good mayor, you know.”

Grian lays their memories out between them, holding Scar’s wrist gently in his hands, and doesn’t stop until Scar looks at him and finally seems to see him. His face crumples, awareness flooding his expression, and Grian lowers them both to the ground when Scar’s knees give out. 

“I’m sorry,” Scar says, voice cracking, and he gives an awkward little laugh that makes Grian’s heart twist sharply. “That doesn’t— That hasn’t happened in a while.”

“It’s okay, Scar, don’t apologize,” Grian says, adjusting his grip to hold Scar’s hand loosely. “Do you feel better?”

“I feel like I ran a marathon,” Scar answers, exhaustion in his tone. “I don’t— Thank you. For bringing me back.”

“Of course.” Grian hesitates. “…Where did you go?”

Scar takes a shaky breath, eyes going tired and sad. Grian’s eyes catch on a scar peeking out beneath his collar. 

“I was stuck in a hardcore world when I was a kid,” Scaf says eventually, resigned. “I was the only player in a zombie apocalypse. I had to… let myself die, to get out. But I spent years there.”

Grian stares, quietly horrified. He imagines Scar, so very young and so very alone, running on broken limbs and killing things that once were people every day, and still finding the willpower to survive for years and years. That Scar had grown up in a world without light and still come out of it with a personality bright enough to blind them all — it was nothing short of miraculous. Brilliant, mischievous, stubborn Scar, with enough skeletons in his closet for all of them and the uncanny ability to make them laugh until they were out of breath. 

“You never said anything,” Grian says, careful to keep any accusation out of his voice. He understands. He still wishes he had known, somehow. 

“It’s not fun to hear about,” Scar says, and stares at his broken knee. “And it’s…not easy to talk about, either.”

“I know,” Grian says, squeezing his hand. “But if you ever want to, I’m here. I don’t want— I don’t want this to happen again.”

The zombie sounds have died down, the others having done their damn best to kill them quickly. It’s quiet but for their breathing, slowly slowing down. 

“I’m a lot better,” Scar says, brow furrowed. “That was just, a lot more than I was expecting.”

“It’s okay,” Grian says. “It’s… You don’t have to be better all the time.”

Scar glances at him, his mouth lifting just a bit, looking a little lighter. “Thanks.”

“And you can talk to us.” Grian smiles back. “We can help you when it’s hard.”

Scar lets out a long, slow breath, the shake in his hands finally down to something manageable. Grian is relieved for all of two seconds, and then something mischievous flickers in Scar’s eyes. Grian sighs, because he knows what’s coming—

“That’s what she said,” Scar says, quick and unapologetic, and Grian smacks his shoulder with his free hand. Scar laughs, and Grian just rolls his eyes and grins. 

Yeah. He’ll be fine.

[yandere-kokeshi]

dad ghost and ucle soap doing something for me so what if their adopted (read :kidnapped) kid secretly a mermaid?

— Yandere Dad! Ghost and Uncle! Soap with a mermaid kiddo

Warnings: yandere behavior, fantasy AU, and all Platonic!

A/N: This was fun to write! Enjoy!

It’s hard to keep this secret, no? Being a whole different species and forced to hide your ‘real-self’ is a pain, and once these two find out, they’re flabbergasted; looking at each other with wide eyes. And once, in their lives, they have no idea what to do. A good ‘welp…’ coming out of Johnny as Dad! Ghost stands there, unsure what to do or how to properly respond to the situation. 

Despite their surprised state, they quickly adapt — equally getting fascinated, and wondering how the hell you’ve hidden this for so long, without anybody knowing. 

Within a span of a couple of days, they educate themselves on you and your sea life. Buying books, reading internet articles, and sharing their own questions with you. They even go in depth about what your diet is, how your body works, if there’s any more mermaids like you, or if you eat fish. Of course, Uncle! Soap asks if you’re a siren, there are a lot of common traits in both of them, and honestly asks if you can sing. 

Despite your obvious need for water for survival, they both understand the phrase, “clean water”, and they both work on getting an enormous pool built just for you. Even if the cabin of a house is built deep in the mountains, you have a large pathway to a lake that they own; a sum of water that’s clean, and deep enough to discover minerals and kelp. 

They enjoy watching you swim, smiling at your happy state, and whilst Dad! Ghost won’t join you in the water, rather watching from afar as he reads on files or such. But as for, Uncle! Soap, he will literally cannonball himself into the water. 

Opposed to your lovely uncle, he’s quite touchy and loves to touch your tail. Of course, he won’t touch it if he sees you annoyed, or if you say no. But, when he gets the chance, he likes to admire the different shapes, scales, colors, and weight of your fins. 

As for Dad! Ghost, he’s oddly attentive to you. Whilst you know your body better than anybody else, he still tries to care for you. He goes out of his way to buy you special cream to keep your tail moisturized, ensure you’re hydrated enough, and keeping your gills healthy; looking for any tears or wounds of any kind. 

Uncle! Soap can be a menace with his teasing, and when you’re being snarky or breaking a few rules, he’ll joke that he’ll make sushi outta your tail. Of course, Ghost hits him in the back of the head. But he wouldn’t do that… would he?

They both work together — very hardly — to ensure the government doesn’t find out about you. They know what it’s capable of, people kidnapping you and poking you with needles to find out more information; keeping you captive like a pet. And they’ve both promised, as your guardians, that nothing like that will ever happen whilst they’re breathing. 

And because of that, they will execute any type of threats possible. If they see your friends getting suspicious, one day they randomly ‘disappear’. Any type of adults asking specific questions, or why you like the water so much, are found dead on the news.  

They both understand how much water means to you, which at times, Uncle! Soap sometimes suggests moving, and building a house near the salty sea; a place where you’re visibly comfortable and feel like you belong. He might even recommend taking a few trips back to Scotland a few times a year, letting you swim in the large lakes.

—

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© yandere-kokeshi 2024 — Do not copy, modify, edit, repost, or use my works for ASMR readings, tiktoks, or other content.

[libraincarnate]

astrology notes: 7 💋

quick note: i'm absolutely not an astrologer. these are just a collection of some observations, thoughts, theories, and personal experiences. with that being said, i'm still learning along the way & i may come back to edit this post to make corrections. above all this is just for fun. lastly, keep in mind that i’m not reading your birth chart and i know nothing about you. these are just some possibilities that may or may not apply to you. enjoy!

♡ 6th house placements may have an interest in the human body. fascinated with the way it works and could want to learn about it. i also notice a lot of natives with 6th house/virgo placements look so good in bikinis because their bodies look so bomb and a lot of this could be due to the energy the put into their physical health such as diet & exercise.

♡ saturn/capricorn in the 7th house & capricorn venus/moon: dating or the talking stage = an interview. when dating or talking to someone with these placements, your words and actions are all being taken into an account to analyze the kind of person you are. your morals, perspectives, values, goals, achievements, your temperament, your background, how you interact with others, etc. you are interviewing for a spot in their lives but to also gain access to the parts of them they conceal from others which is no small thing because they don’t let just anyone into their lives. it’s not easy to get close to them.

scorpios are known for putting you through tests to see if you’re worthy, well caps put you through a series of interviews. and if you don’t meet their standards? ✌️

♡ cancer mercury: these people are such good listeners. they care about what you say, how you say it, and how you feel. these people can make you feel heard, make you feel that your thoughts & feelings are validated. patient when communicating. they refrain from judging and you may feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, a space that welcomes vulnerability. they remind me of this Bible verse: (proverbs 16:24) “pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” they’re loyal & supportive friends that have your back. also the types to hype you up like libra & leo. if you know people with these placements appreciate them & be nice to them. or else 👹🔪😌.

♡ libra mercury friends just get each other. they just click. if there are 2 people with libra mercury in a group of friends, they’re probably the closest to each other out of everyone else in the group.

♡ saturn retrograde natives: responsibility may feel overwhelming because you feel like you’re the only one who can help yourself and handling everything on your own is taxing. you didn’t really receive the help and support you needed from others, maybe your parents, so you had no choice but to do it yourself. you’re accustomed to doing things yourself so asking for help seems foreign. incompetence frustrates you, there’s no time for that. if you don’t know how to do something or you don’t understand it you can get frustrated with yourself. this native may be regretful, an “i should’ve known/done better” type of person, even about little things.

since raising children is such a massive responsibility, i feel like this is another placement that may not want to have kids. they barely had time to be kids themselves. here’s an extra heart for you guys ♥︎.

♡ gemini rising = being your own bestie.

♡ want to have one of those conversations where you could just talk about “life”? find an:

aquarius/uranus dom- immediately their personality and way of thinking stands out. i feel like leo’s creativity is usually more in the realm of arts/music/acting but for aquarius they’re creative in the way of literally inventing something new or simply bringing something to this world that improves it, forces progression, or it’s something the world has never seen before such as the level of one’s skill, ability, talent, intelligence, etc. imagine the conversations you can have with someone with a mind such as that. these folks will be themselves, they don’t pretend to be somebody else so there’s no sugarcoating their personality. they’re authentic & what you seee is what yoy get.

they don’t believe in limitation and that may be one of the reasons why they achieve such great things. they do what they want & do it themselves. they may have many friends because they’re an air sign, they’re social and like to interact with others & it rules the 11th house associated with friendship. however there are few people who are really close to them. interesting but cool  & nice individuals who you can sit under the stars with and talk about whatever the hell is out there. politics, the way different countries are goverened, society and its current trajectory or future. they might be interested in sci-fi, dystopian type books.

scorpio/pluto/8th house dom- they naturally gravitate towards what most people consider dark and taboo. there’s an interest that draws them in and they eventually gain knowledge in these areas. the supernatural, sex, death, what’s on the other side, the occult, fears & deepest darkest secrets. but they’ve also had experience with these things in their lives. probably seen some eerie/frightening stuff. psychology is also something that interests them and scorpio is one of the signs that can see right through you. picking up on the slightest details about a person, anything that may reveal something about you but there’s a lot you don’t know about them. they privately go through things that change them as a person so it’s hard to know them. & because they’re private they may only discuss the dark and taboo subjects with people they trust especially since a lot of people may not feel comfortable with such topics.

sag/9th house dom- associated with knowledge & expansion, how could a conversation with these individuals not be intriguing. they can’t help but reflect on life. the why’s, the what’s, the how’s. hunting the truth, meaning, purpose, and reason. they travel a lot so they have seen many things. an interest in the different cultures around the world, what bonds & keeps a group of people together. their traditions, religions, what forms their identity, & their way of life. intelligent individuals who probably enojy or enjoyed school/college/university and do or did academically well. optimistic & sophisticated people who can make a difference in your life.

pisces/12th house dom- the 12th house has some similarities to the 8th house but it’s taken up a notch .. or two. it gets dark in a different way. it’s funny when people say they don’t really understand the 12th house, because same, but that’s also because it’s the house of mystery! the things that can’t be defined, that are vague, & cloudy. those are some of the things that fall in this house. the 12th house has you looking in the mirror without you even realizing it, until you do. but pisces also has that spellbinding beauty (not just physical), a sense of dreaminess, flamboyance, that you can look but can’t touch attribute. this contrast between the daunting depth and the enchantment of the 12th house/pisces only contribues to its mystique and strengthens the illusion.

with the propensity to turn to escapism, they must be imaginative. vivid and with great detail. or they’ve experience things that stretches their imagination. they drift off to the land of fantasy, somewhere opposite to reality. they just know things, can sense when something is about to happen. the traits of a prophet/prophetess. familiar with the spiritual realm, even if it’s subtle. conversation with these individuals can make you feel like you’re coming down from a trip. you ponder life on a deeper more spiritual level. you revisit your beliefs, purpose, and the way that you’re living. they dare you to alter your perspective. they inspire you & draw out your creativity and desires.

♡ chiron in the 5th house: blessed w/ musical & artistic talent. gifted in this area but may feel like those gifts are being wasted or not being used to their greatest potential.

♡ pisces/neptune is associated with drugs and certain bad habits. but if you’re also capricorn/saturn dominant or you have aspects like mars trine saturn, you may feel as though you have control over your use of drugs & alcohol, you know your limits, you’re able to take breaks, especially when necessary. bonus if these placements are in the 6th house of routine, these individuals are good at breaking and forming new habits. if a person has neptune in capricorn, they may feel like they know better than to experiment with drugs/alcohol, or at least serious drugs. if they do try it out they lowkey hate them, end up stopping, or find it illogical.

♡ mars retrograde natives: wearing or needing glasses to see better.

♡ 1st house ruler in the 2nd house, 2nd house stellium, venus in the 2nd house: mirrors were created for these individuals. they probably have a lot of mirrors in their house. they totally understand narcissus from greek mythology lol. “never pass a mirror without looking in it.” -paris hilton

if you read this until the end i hope you enjoyed it & thank you so much for reading. ♥︎♥︎♥︎, those hearts are for you.

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Always & Forever

poly!mikaelsons x reader (kol, elijah, & rebekah)

summary: a slip of tongue confession leads to a world of trouble between the mikaelsons and the salvatores. but little do any of them know, it's exactly what was needed to promise a perfect future.

tags: smut, love confessions, mild exhibitionism, lingerie, blood drinking, begging, foursome (no incest), praise kink, choking, vaginal sex, oral sex, fingering, blowjobs, overstimulation, dirty talk, cuddling

word count: 6k

“I think my girlfriend is falling in love with my brother,” Kol says, with a look to each of the Salvatores, “but unlike you two, we’re actually quite capable of sharing women.”

Both scoff, and Stefan rolls his eyes. Damon takes a long sip of bourbon before smirking. “Prove it.”

Three days later, the brothers show up unannounced on the Mikaelsons’ porch, ready to find the proof themselves. Their conversation with Kol didn’t really end; the man just smiled and gave a wink, but didn’t offer any proof to his statement. He left the grill soon after that, too, convincing the Salvatores that he was just a cocky liar. Determined to prove their enemy wrong, they planned a surprise dinner in the other’s own house, specifically choosing a day they know you’ll be there. 

It’s a Sunday, and Klaus has been in New Orleans all weekend doing who-knows-what, leaving you alone with the other three siblings. You were originally a loyal friend of Elena’s, until she fell for Damon and you fell for Kol. Ever since then, your friendship has been in shambles and the two of you barely speak. The only reason the brothers were even talking to Kol about you is because you all ran into each other at the grill. You were playing pool with Elijah, while the younger watched from afar. Stefan and Damon approached to pester him about it, only to receive the answer they did.

Now, they were going to prove Kol wrong. They had been through this before with both Katherine and Elena. One woman cannot love both brothers; she will always pick one, and the two will become divided over it. It was only a matter of time for the jealousy to seep through, and neither brother could wait to see it happen. 

When they ring the doorbell, it’s Elijah who answers. “What may I help you with, brothers?”

Damon smirks, “we’ve decided to invite ourselves over for dinner. How does that sound?”

“And whatever has given you this idea?”

“Just a talk we had with your little brother the other day. Nothing bad, we promise.”

“Convincing,” he mutters, not at all convinced. “Well, I guess then, come in. I’ll find Kol.”

Kol isn’t hard to find. When Elijah walks into the living room, trailed by the Salvatores, he finds you and your boyfriend curled up together on the couch. Elijah clears his throat, grabbing both of your attentions. 

“Oh, look who it is - the less famous brothers,” Kol greets with an attitude. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

You don’t say anything, but tense up at the sight of the two. Neither have been pleased with you lately, and their sudden appearance can’t be anything good. 

“They have come by for dinner,” Elijah supplies. “Which, luckily enough, should be ready now.”

Just as he predicts, Rebekah comes into the room, hands in oven mitts. “Did I hear the Salvatores are coming over for dinner?” She looks over to them, “oh, and they’re already here. What fun. Y/N, darling, would you please help me carry the dishes to the table?”

You nod quickly, happy to get away from the men. 

“You make your sister cook for you?” Damon grunts as you and Bekah disappear. 

“No, no, we all take turns. Kol was yesterday. I have tomorrow.”

“But sometimes none of us do and we just sip on blood all night.”

“You feed Y/N blood, too?”

“Well she’s not here every night, unfortunately. But if she is here on a sipping-night, we’ll still make her something,” Kol says sternly, not liking Damon’s tone. 

Stefan decides that now is a good time to interrupt. “So what’s Rebekah making?”

“We’ll have to see. Shall we?”

Five minutes later, the six of you are sitting around the table enjoying a steak meal, just red enough to satisfy both vampires and human. The seat you’ve chosen has you between Kol and Rebekah and across from Damon and Stefan, while Elijah, per usual in Klaus’ absence, sits at the head. You can tell he likes sitting there; the head of the table always gives the sitter a feeling of power. Dominance. Like how he dominates the conversation despite Damon’s numerous attempts to try. 

“I was just curious about your brother’s whereabouts. What exactly is he doing in New Orleans?”

“It isn’t your place to know about what he’s doing, and frankly, I don’t know every little thing he does either. I’m not his babysitter.”

“But you’ve got to know something.”

“Who am I to tell? It’s not my business, nor yours.”

“So if-”

At this point, the three of you zone out entirely. You have been pestering Kol the whole dinner, but now you’re really starting to bug him, rubbing your foot up and down his leg. The action makes him squirm in his seat, which only encourages you further, and now Rebekah’s giggling at the both of you. In return, Kol lands a hand on your thigh, squeezing it ever so often. You then poke him in the side where you know he’s ticklish.

 Little do you know, Rebekah wants to join in, but doesn’t want to cross a line with her brother. Little does she know, you want her to join just as badly. 

Meanwhile, the discussion between the others is growing intense. Damon is getting more aggressive; Elijah, more defensive; and Stefan, more anxious. 

“This conversation isn’t going anywhere,” he tries, “maybe we should-”

“Klaus goes in and out of Mystic Falls way too often. I like to know where my enemies are, so if he would just stay in one place, that’d be great. He-”

Finally, Stefan cuts his brother off completely. “What I would like to know is if Kol’s words have any truth in them.”

The room silences immediately. 

“That’s why we’re here, right, brother?”

Damon stiffens at being interrupted, but then relaxes, a smirk on his face. “Yes, actually.”

“Whatever do you mean?” Elijah cocks his head. “Kol?”

“I don’t know what he’s talking about.”

“Oh sure you do? What was it? At the bar?”

“We go to the bar fairly often, Damon, you’ll have to be more specific.”

“You don’t remember? Y/N and Elijah were playing pool. You were watching, telling us what was on your heart…”

Kol raises his eyebrows before scoffing. “That.”

“Yes, that.”

“First of all, I wasn’t spilling my heart out to you two dumbasses. There was no heartfelt moment there.”

“Oh, really? I thought we were having a moment.” Damon frowns with a sad puppy dog look. Fake, of course. 

“You thought wrong then. I was only sharing an observation.”

“So? Is there any truth in what you said?”

Kol shifts uncomfortably, not liking being on the spot like this. 

“Aw, Damon, he’s shy. Let’s give him space.”

“No, hold up,” Kol stops them, “not shy about anything, I just don’t like to put my girl in situations like this.”

At the mention of you, you look up in question. 

“Well maybe you shouldn’t talk about ‘your girl’ when she’s not there to hear it.”

By now, Rebekah’s had enough, “whatever are you two daft dimbos on about? Kol would never do anything to hurt her. He loves her. Speaking of which, we all do, so you better not say anything bad.”

“Oh I bet you all do,” Damon smirks again. 

“Say what you want and be done with it,” Elijah tenses, “or get out.”

“You want to do the honors?” Damon turns to his brother.

“No, you’re good.”

“Alright.” He stands up as if he were making a speech. “Kol told us that he thinks his girlfriend over here, Miss Y/N, sweet little Y/N, is falling in love with his brother. Then he tried to tell us that you guys are good at ‘sharing women’.” The man laughs, “as someone who’s shared a woman with my brother, that never ends well. One, or all of you, are gonna be real sad when she either picks one and divides you from your family, or leaves you all and never looks back. So I say, pick your poison now, ‘cause it’s gonna happen someday.”

Damon sits back down looking very proud of himself. Kol, on the other hand, looks mortified. You, Bex, and Elijah have no idea what to do with that information. It’s dead quiet for too long. 

“Darling,” Kol finally says, “can I talk to you?”

“Of course.”

You leave the table with him, but no one picks up any conversation as you go. 

As soon as he gets to the kitchen, he runs the sink water so the vampires in the room over would have a harder time overhearing. He then puts his hands over his face and avoids eye contact with you. 

“Darling, I’m so sorry. I hadn’t meant for that to come out the way it did, nor to say it to those two, and I certainly didn’t expect for them to reiterate it straight back at you. I can’t believe I could be so stupid. I’m so sorry. I understand if you hate me for it. I-”

“Kol,” you call him for the fourth time during his rant. This time, though, you take his hands and make him look at you. “You’re not stupid.” He finally looks at you, but doesn’t reply. “And I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. You don’t have to apologize.”

“But I subjected you to their vile jokes. Made you look like a groupie or something to my family.”

You have to stop for a second and giggle. Of course, he’s immediately confused. “Why are you laughing?”

“Did you just use the term, ‘groupie’? That’s so seventies, Kol.”

“That’s what you’re worried about?”

“No, no, I’m just- I’m sorry. It was just funny to me.”

“What word was I supposed to use?”

You laugh again, “I don’t know.”

“Okay, well, I shouldn’t have used any word, because you’re not that, but I made you look like that to those bloody idiots.”

“Kol, it’s okay. I’m not upset with you. With them, yes, for doing that in front of everyone. But only for your sake, not my own. And besides, I can live with being an original groupie.”

He nods, hearing you’re not upset, but then narrows his eyes. “Wait…”

You swallow hard. “It’s not entirely wrong. I don’t like admitting it, but I’d be lying if I said there was nothing there.” You pause, giving him time to react. He only nods for you to continue. “I know Elijah’s liked me to some extent ever since we started dating. At first, I brushed it off, but the more I’m around you all, the more I find myself starting to like it.”

Not sure how to answer the latter, he starts with the first. “To some extent? Darling, he’s in love with you.”

You half smile, “I know.” 

“But?”

“I don’t know how to say this, Kol. It’s weird.”

In one fell swoop, he picks you up and sits you on the bare counter. He stands to be in between your legs, then cups your face with his hands. “It’s alright, Y/N. Tell me.”

“I love you. There’s no doubt about it. I would die for you.”

His heart races. Sure, he’s heard those words a thousand times, but each time, his heart acts the same way. “I love you, too, darling. Nothing you could say would make me love you less.”

“Good, because I don’t want to lose you. I want to love you for eternity. But… you’re right.” You take a deep breath. “I’m also falling for your brother.” 

Kol doesn’t seem fazed by this. If anything, he seems relieved. 

“Are you okay?”

“I was afraid you were going to say you wanted him instead.”

Your eyes go wide, “no! Baby, no way. But… if it’s something you’re okay with, I wouldn’t mind being an original groupie.”

He laughs at your choice of words. “That is certainly something I am okay with. You can love whomever you like. I’m just glad you still love me, too.”

“I will always love you, Kol.”

He kisses you deeply, bringing a hand to your back to steady you. “And I love you. And like I said, I am willing to share my girl if it makes her happy. Plus, I trust my brother to keep you and your heart safe.”

You smile, then bite your lip.

“What is it?”

“One more question.”

“Hm?”

“Do you trust your sister, too?”

“You’re in love with Bex, too?”

You can only shrug. A blush rises to your cheeks. 

He shakes his head playfully. “Of course I trust my sister. Let’s say this: I trust my family with my girl and her heart.”

“Sounds good,” you peck his lips, then his nose. 

“Soooo… do you want to go back out and prove to Damon and Stefan that my family can both share and protect women better than they can?”

“Certainly,” you pop off the counter with Kol’s hands on your waist. “And I can’t wait to see the look on Bex’s and ‘Lijah’s faces when I kiss them unexpectedly.”

You little troublemaker,” he grins as he turns off the faucet, “you fit into this family perfectly.”

◇◇◇◇

A chat about the weather is the only conversation happening when you re-enter the dining room. A big sigh of relief comes from everyone when they see you. 

“I hope you’re willing to pay the water bill next month, Kol, because that was a long time to have it running.”

“Relax, brother. Y/N and I were just having a little chat.”

“Oh really?” Damon smirks, “did she slap you for what you said about her? Because that would be well deserved.”

“On the contrary, Damon,” you say, returning to your chair. Kol sits in his, though you only stand behind yours. “It actually gave us time to talk about some things that probably wouldn’t have been brought up otherwise.” As you talk, you make your way to Elijah’s side, putting your hands on his shoulders. 

“Ah, and what would that be, Miss Y/N?”

You grin, “why talk about it when I can show you?” Before Damon can answer, you trail your fingers along the man’s face to his chin, feeling the stubble along his jaw. The group sees your eyes roll back in your head, then they watch you move to stand in front of him. “Hi,” you say, blushing mad.

He mouths, ‘what are you doing?’

You’re too giddy to answer; it’d probably come out in a stutter. So, you only smile instead. Then, bending slightly, you lean forward, grabbing and pulling on his tie in the process, and kiss him passionately. His body goes limp immediately, satiated by your kiss after wanting it for so long. The fact that you have him by his tie, dominating him just a bit, doesn’t help his case. Your other hand rises back to his jaw, holding him in place. After a second, the reality of the matter kicks in and he kisses back, bringing his own hands up to your face gently. 

Seated directly behind you are Kol and Bex, half of their attention on the scene, and half on the lingerie peeking out from under your skirt. Kol knows damn well you did that on purpose, and he feels himself getting hard at the thought. As for Rebekah, she’s conflicted. She’s not sure if she’s allowed to feel the warmth in her core that you’re making her feel, or if she’s allowed to steal a glance at the black garter adorning your thighs. She tries to poke her brother to ask, but every time she moves her finger, one of the Salvatores glance over to see the younger two’s reaction. 

After about a minute, you let go of Elijah and lick your lips. You then stand up and smirk at the brothers. “What would that be, you ask? Well, it gave me a chance to tell my loving boyfriend,” you’ve made your way back to Kol now. Once you’re behind him, you turn his head toward you with a finger on his chin, then kiss him with the same intensity. “That, not only do I love him, but also that I’m falling in love with his brother, as he suspected.” Then you grin again, “but what he didn’t know, but also just learned, is that I’m also falling in love with his sister, too.” After confessing, you bend over to kiss Rebekah as you did Elijah, with your lace set partially on display for the man. His eyes catch it instantly and become locked on you. Meanwhile, Kol, in touching distance, grabs onto your thigh. His hand almost disappears under your skirt completely. The sudden feeling makes you moan into Rebekah’s mouth, causing her to grab the back of your neck and kiss you harder. 

Eventually, a cough from Stefan pulls you out of the make-out session. You stop and take your seat back, though Kol’s hand doesn’t leave your body. 

“Wow,” he comments with nothing else to say. 

Damon, of course, has a reply. “Since you’re sharing, you can give us a kiss, too,” he mocks. 

“Nu uh,” you wiggle a finger, “I’m reserved for Mikaelsons only. Plus, I don’t think your girlfriend would like that too much.”

He rolls his eyes. “Only playing.”

“So,” Stefan starts, rather awkwardly. “Dinner was great, Rebekah. Was I wrong to assume you’d be serving dessert tonight, too?”

“Not entirely,” she stands, “I did make one for us. Though it seems you’ll be the only ones eating it, for I already had mine just now.”

She’s on her way to the kitchen when you chuckle, “there’s no way that filled you up, Bex. That was just an appetizer. Trust me, dessert’s way better.” You give her a wink. 

The girl’s knees nearly give out. “Is it now?”

You’re about to answer when a squeak leaves your lips instead. Kol’s moved his hand from your thigh to having a finger on your clit. He puts the lightest bit of pressure on it, then says, “she’s right, sister. Dessert’s much better.”

Rebekah goes completely red and hurries to the kitchen to hide her face. Elijah, on the other hand, swallows hard. He’s not sure how he feels about doing something like this with the Salvatore brothers watching. He knows that Kol is, and always has been, rather wild, but this? And if he’s going to be allowed to touch and pleasure you for the first time, he doesn’t want them there. Nor should they be so honored to see your body unclothed; that should be a sight only for those chosen by you. 

Elijah’s tempted to pull Kol aside and bring up these concerns, but that would require leaving you alone with the Salvatores. That is something he’d much rather not do. Luckily, Rebekah comes back just in time. 

“For you two, who don’t get to share the beautiful Y/N,” she smirks. “Please, feel free to take it home with you so we can get on with private business here.”

Elijah relaxes at her words, but then stiffens again at Damon’s. 

“Oh no, we were promised that you could maintain a four way relationship and not fight. We are going to see this through.”

“That was never included, Damon,” Kol snaps, “all you were promised was that we could, not that you could see it. All you’re allowed to see of my girl is what she allows you to see.”

“Your girl?”

“Don’t push it. You’ve already pushed it by welcoming yourselves here anyway. And yes, she is my girl. Just because she shares her love doesn’t mean she’s not still my girl.”

“How do you feel about that?” The man nods to you. “A family of vampires sharing you?”

You giggle as Kol pulls you into his lap. “I don’t know if this has escaped you, Damon, but I gave in before either of these two did. I love them all as much as they do me.”

“Until you fall more in love with one and break the rest of their hearts.”

“I am not Katherine. I’m fully capable of loving them without hurting them. Just you see,” you challenge, a glint in your eyes. 

The brothers look to Elijah, knowing he’s been through the ringer with Katherine as well. To their dismay, he’s smiling. “The girl is right. She isn’t Katherine. She has a similar fire, yet is much more kind. Maybe if you two had been so lucky to stumble upon her first, you’d learn that not all women are like Katherine.” Before Damon can argue, he continues, “fortunately for us, and rather unfortunately for you, she’s ours.”

Stefan’s about to comment, but then he sees you smirking. The glint in your eyes, still apparent, and sharp like a dagger, as if daring him to try to convince you otherwise. At that moment, he decides it’s not even worth it to try. He turns towards his brother. “Well. Guess we have to let them figure it out on their own.”

“Guess so.”

Not long after that, the Salvatores are finally out the door, Rebekah’s pies in hand. Damon makes it very clear that if he isn’t allowed to see the action, that he is certainly taking the dessert he is allowed to have. And, he isn’t going to make any effort in returning Rebekah’s pans, either. 

“Whatever, don’t care about the pans, go away,” you say, pushing them out the door. “Bye now!” You lock it the minute they’re out. Then, you turn around to face the three vampires looking at you. “Hi.”

“Hello, darling. Quite a pickle you’ve found yourself in,” Kol smiles at you. 

Rebekah takes a step towards you. “Are you sure you can handle all three of us, love? It is a lot to handle.” She seems more like she’s challenging you into submission rather than actually asking you the question. You’ve proven you want all of them, now it’s just a matter of seeing if you can catch up. 

Your answer is on the tip of your tongue - an equally sassy reply that will tell her everything she needs to know. But then Elijah approaches you with a comment before you can say it.

“Maybe we should talk about this first. Y/N-”

“Oh, enough talking,” you walk over to him, “haven’t we been talking all night?”

His lips curl into a smile, “guess we have. Is this really what you want?”

“Yes, ‘Lijah.”

“Then you shall have it.”

You give three seconds. Three seconds to search his eyes for any hesitation. Three seconds for anyone to speak up with a counter. Nothing. Not a second after is wasted as you rise to your toes to kiss him again. He kisses back deeply, tapping your waist for you to jump. He holds you in place with strong arms, fighting everything to not push you up against the wall. He knows if he does, his siblings will protest.

The protest comes anyway. 

“Elijah, you’re stealing the girl,” Rebekah whines. 

With a sigh, he speeds you over to the nearest room and sets you down on the bed. As he catches his breath from the adrenaline, Rebekah wastes no time rushing to you and peppering you in kisses. Kol’s not far behind, laying you down the minute Bex comes up for air. Your head rests in his lap while he plays with your hair. Elijah quickly comes back into play, feeling the fabric that is the only thing separating them from seeing you wholly. You make eye contact and nod to him, and instantly, your clothes are torn from your body.

“Gorgeous,” you hear him mutter, running his hands from your stomach down your legs.

“Say,” Kol snickers, “what about this lingerie, darling? Was that on purpose?”

You bite your lip, “knew I’d get you by the end of the night. Didn’t think this would happen.” You nestle your head into him, “but I’m not complaining.”

He grins, “was a lovely surprise to a boring dinner.”

“I’ll second that,” Rebekah bounces her eyebrows at you, making you giggle. 

“Kol,” Elijah calls to his brother. 

You and the boy look up. 

“Switch places. She’s been with you, knows you best. For her first time with all three of us, let’s give her something familiar.”

The boy nods, and you’re secretly thankful for the man’s suggestion. As much as you’re loving this, it’s all very new, and something familiar is greatly appreciated.  

“Thank you,” you mutter to Elijah as he takes Kol’s spot in supporting your head. 

“Of course, baby. I love you.”

You smile, “I know. I love you, too.”

“You know? How, may I ask?”

“I’ve known since the minute I met you.”

His eyes soften from shock as everything sinks in. You knew he loved you, yet you were dating his brother. But now, they both have you, and Bex, too. Bex, who, at the moment, is giving you a hickey on the neck. 

Elijah realizes this and immediately chides, “don’t bite her, Rebekah.”

“Relax, it’s only a hickey. People do it all the time.”

You giggle, “it’s true, ‘Lijah. But I don’t mind if you bite. Kol’s fed from me.”

“He has?” The girl stops her ministrations to read your face.

“Mhm. I trust him, and eventually, he started to trust himself.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my brother?” She jokes.

“I’m right here, Bekah.”

“You’ve fed from her?” She asks again, still shocked. 

“Show her, Kol,” you smile up at him. During the last minute of your conversation with the two, he’s been teasing your entrance with his cock, making sure you’re wet enough to fit comfortably. 

He bites his lip, debating it, but can’t say no to your face. “Alright, darling. Count of three.” He lines himself up, then covers your body with his own, positioning his teeth right at your neck. “3… 2… 1.” At one, he sinks his teeth in and pushes his cock into your heat at the same time. Your eyes roll back into your head with pleasure as he begins to rock inside you, finding a pace. Kol only drinks for a few seconds before detaching, because he knows Bex will want to try too, if you’ll let her. 

“Not long enough, baby,” you say immediately. 

“Give Bekah a try,” he nods to his sister, sitting back up. 

Rebekah’s still in shock at her brother’s self control, but snaps out of it when you give her the ‘okay’. 

“‘Lijah, you too.”

“I shouldn’t.”

“I need it,” you beg. 

“She’ll beg you all night,” Kol warns. “Better to give in than deny what you know you both want.”

The argument is convincing. Elijah gives in, taking your wrist. At the same time, he and Bex bite down - her at the other side of your neck - and begin to drink. Kol slows his pace as they do, taking a minute to look into your eyes. I love you, he mouths. You mouth it back. 

Seconds later, they come off, too. Elijah wastes no time bringing his own blood to your lips, healing your wounds completely. 

“Thank you,” you smile at him. 

“Mhm, thank you, girl,” Rebekah interrupts, “you’re bloody amazing.”

Elijah returns your smile, nodding to you. 

As soon as you meet his eyes, Kol picks up his pace again until he finds the one you usually like. Though Bex beats him to rubbing your clit, so he uses both hands to hold onto your waist instead. Elijah takes to kissing you hungrily, his hands digging into your scalp. You’re so overstimulated with pleasure, yet it feels so good. 

After a bit of this, you start to pant, running out of breath.

“What do you like, baby?” Elijah asks, not wanting to tire you out with kisses. 

“Play with her boobs,” Kol suggests, “makes her crazy.”

“Does it now?”

“She’s cum just by me sucking on them at times.”

“Kol!” You whine.

“Don’t get shy now, darling! Little late for that, don’t you think?”

You shut your mouth tight as the three smirk at you. Elijah then repositions his body to sit more to your side, giving him better access to your chest. He makes sure to put a pillow under your head where he had been sitting, then wastes no time playing with your tits, holding, cupping, and squeezing them. The feeling is so good it makes you bite your lip hard enough to draw blood. 

“Darling,” Kol mutters, swiping your lip and putting his finger in his mouth, “don’t hold back your pretty little sounds from them. Let them hear what I get to hear from you.” As soon as he says that, he pounds into you hard without warning. You cry out in a strangled moan before you can stop yourself. “Just like that, yes,” he praises. “Good girl.”

Bex immediately picks up on how you react to Kol’s praise and tries it for herself. “Hey, girlie, can you do that for me, pretty please?” She puts more pressure on your clit, touching you exactly how you like. 

“Awh,” you moan, “like that, keep doing that. Feels so good, Bex. I- I’m close.”

Meanwhile, Elijah’s transitioned from using hands to using his mouth to stimulate your breasts. He tugs on a nipple with his teeth while pulling the other between his fingertips. 

“Fuck, ‘Lijah. Shit. I- I-” whatever you were going to say is cut off by another moan. This spurs the man on, Bex too, and they continue at their paces. 

You then turn your attention to Kol. “Right- right there. Perfect. Close. I’m close. Kol?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Cum with me, okay? Please, please, please.” You know begging will do it instantly. Another thing that will make you both cum fast- “and here,” you point to your neck. “Please.”

“Which one?”

“Pick.”

“You pick this time.”

“Kol, I can’t.”

“Can I put them up to the challenge?”

You nod ferociously, desperate for anything. 

“Choke or bite, she wants.”

The siblings go still. Neither feel good about choking you, and they’ve already fed. 

“Kol, please,” you beg again, “I’m so close.”

“Okay, darling.” He thrusts deeper to crawl back across your body, then holds you in place by the neck as you get closer to your high. In the midst, Bex continues her pleasure on you, while Elijah keeps at his. Then, mere seconds later, you cum hard. A string of curse words that ends as a moan falls out of your mouth. Black spots cloud your vision, due to Kol’s hands on your neck, or the overstimulation, or both, you’re not sure, but you love it. You whine all the way through your orgasm, legs shaking and heart beating rapidly. Shortly after you, Kol cums too, and it takes everything in him not to collapse onto your body. After the two of you ride out your highs, everyone begins to ease up in their pleasuring. 

“Not done,” you pant, out of breath still. You crawl up a little ways on the bed to lean against the headboard and its numerous pillows.

“What do you mean, ‘not done’? Girl, I’d think you’d be tired,” Bex says, incredulous. 

You answer her by slipping your hand into her pants, feeling for her heat, and inserting a finger. You then unzip her jeans for better access, making her melt instantly. 

“Fuck, Y/N,” she whines. When you curl your fingers, she moans louder.

Once you have her where you want her, you move your other hand to the man beside you, rubbing his hard-on through his suit pants. “‘Lijah, come here.”

“You don’t have to pleasure me, baby, I’m alright.”

“Again,” Kol interrupts, “she’ll beg you all night if you don’t let her.”

You smirk up at Elijah, proving Kol’s words true. The man tries to fight it, but desire takes over him. He’s slow to pull himself out, still a bit unsure. You gesture him closer and closer until you’re able to pleasure both him and Bex at the same time. 

“I’d rather you straddle my head, ‘Lijah, so I can get you wet, and more comfortable,” you say in between breaths. The man goes red in the face. Never have you ever seen Elijah embarrassed. Neither, apparently, have his siblings. 

Bex grins, “brother! You’ve gone shy to Y/N’s dirty talk! I wouldn’t believe it if I wasn’t seeing it.”

You giggle, the girl egging you on now, “I promise it would be much better. Come on.”

Again, he hesitates, but ultimately gives in. You smile as he moves in front of you, not exactly straddling you, but comes at least close enough that you can take him in your mouth. Immediately, you circle your tongue over his tip, sucking slightly in certain places. He lets out a breathy moan which makes you crave him more. Soon, you find a vein on his underside that is especially sensitive, so you tease him by dragging your tongue along it, before finally taking him in full once he’s wet enough. 

When you find your pace with Elijah, you refocus your attention back to Rebekah, continuing the curling of your fingers, but also stimulating her clit. You’d love to put your tongue on her, too, but in its absence, you move your fingers inside her instead. Wetness drips from her, pooling onto the bed. Hers, thankfully. She rocks her hips against your hand, holding onto your hip for support. Little whines leave her lips, one after another.

Meanwhile, Kol’s attention is on your clit, driving you to overstimulation yet again. He flicks his tongue against it while keeping two fingers buried inside you. It’s only a matter of time before you all explode from the intense pleasure. If you weren’t so distracted, you’d probably place a bet on it. 

Not two minutes later do the second round of orgasms come, and they do in quite a domino effect. Kol blows cool air on your clit and immediately, it sends you into pleasure. You start shaking again, well beyond satiated. Bex is then triggered by your orgasm, having her own not a second after, and having it be just as intense. Her mess is made bigger, cum obvious on the sheets, and she can’t help but giggle. Bex giggling causes the same reaction out of you, to which Elijah’s final stimulation is the vibration from your mouth, and he has his own orgasm. He tries to pull out, but a shared look of eye contact comforts him, knowing you’re okay with it. Once you’ve swallowed it, you loosen your suction from his cock and allow him to pull out completely. He can’t help but to kiss you when you open your mouth to prove it’s all gone. 

As soon as you all come down from your highs, one-by-one you collapse on the bed, exhausted. Bex and Elijah are on your sides, while Kol’s between your legs, his head on your chest. 

“That was,” Elijah pauses, catching his breath.

“Perfect,” Rebekah finishes for him. 

“Quite the girl she is,” Kol says, kissing your tits. 

“Need to take care of her back,” Elijah tries to get up. 

You hold him down, though, “no, no, stay with me. We do that later. Cuddle for now.”

“Y/N-”

“No, we cuddle for now. I need that more.”

“Okay, baby. We’ve got you.” He settles back down into your side, letting out a long, peaceful sigh.

A second later, a camera snaps. 

“Who’s that?” Everyone peers an eye open, except for the one who’s guilty.

“Whoops, sorry.” Kol smirks, “going to send Damon proof that not only are we capable of sharing, but also, that we have the best bloody girlfriend in the world.” 

“You’re such a little shit,” you ruffle his hair because he’s too out of reach to kiss. “But I love you. I love all of you.”

“I love you, too, darling.”

“Me too,” Bex yawns.

“We will love you, Y/N, always and forever.”

And you all did love each other, always and forever. 

[frozenjokes]

long list of mcyt ships and my dumbass opinions this post was getting too long and I have so much more to say

skizzpulse: needed to write about this because I don’t ship them at all but something is deeply weird about them in a way that is neither platonic or romantic. They have transcended human definitions of Relationship to me. No they’re not a QPR either. They’re weirder. Whatever you’re thinking they’re weirder. Do not separate. Attached at the hip.

etho: etho is in a realm of his own where I simply can not ship him. he’s not doing the romance. he’s not doing the qpr. he’s not doing shit. And it’s not because he can’t pull bitches; he is swagless and a loser in a way that brings ALL the boys to the yard (as opposed to Grian who is similar except he can’t pull anyone), he’s simply getting weird with it. He walks right past any sort of relationship into something deeper; resident sopping wet animal. aro/ace also but this isn’t nearly as relevant as the autism

cubscar/convex: favorite hermitcraft ship and it is not even close. It is NOT EVEN CLOSE. in the way scarian are both covered in lighter fluid and holding matches, convex are also doing that except it’s become a game of who can set the other on fire without being lit up themselves, and they’re both having the times of their lives (ends with both of them on fire every time without fail and it’s usually scar’s fault). they’re insane about it. the vex shit???? insane. their minds are beautiful and deeply wrong. I think they should kill each other.

solidaritimes: I will never forgive Scott smajor for separating scar and Jimmy in secret life he has no idea what he took from me. In a world where Jimmy is often the butt of the joke (by his own volition, I understand) the sheriff deputy thing was fucking beautiful. Sunshine and rainbows, love and support and adoration and everything good and healthy. A massive breath of fresh air and easily my favorite part of the hermitpires crossover. They mean everything to me. I’ve never seen such losers be so in love. Failgirl power.

redscape: another banger. These guys are GOOFY and I think Scar hits a magical combination of being Completely Exasperating vs Setting Off Mumbo’s Bullshit Radar which makes them bounce off each other in a lot of fun ways. They are versatile as a couple between banter and shenanigans and dedication, it’s a pairing I generally think of as very healthy and fun and if you also like all of these things don’t read my Boatem Ghosts AU because I make redscape awful and Mumbo pays the full price! Whoops! I love to think about them falling fast if I am writing them as romantically/sexually inclined characters, where Scar is frustrating but at the same time charming and silly in a way that draws Mumbo in. Mumbo on the other hand challenges Scar and chips away at his facade in ways he finds exciting. I like a Scar that wants to prove himself to Mumbo, win him over, where Mumbo is just lightly exasperated about the whole thing.

cleo/cub: probably the only pair on this list that I think are friends normal style. I just really adore normal style friends cleo and cub feuding about their museums so I had to tell you. I need to write them as friends more often. I love thinking about cub helping cleo fix up her stitches as well as other maintenance on their body. guys who nudity doesn’t matter to they’re both just chilling with their shirts off. special platonic dynamic to me.

ranchers: I don’t care about ranchers

moonrot: I don’t normally ship cleo and pearl in most of the smps or whatever. However. The specific dynamic they have in my boatem ghosts au makes me a little insane I really like them together. Pearl is a little bit deranged in her Wanting Revenge On Scar but ougghg that pirate scar’s hanging out with… she’s so cool… and then Cleo brings them to the ghost island and Pearl thinks she’s even cooler cleo is So Awesome ougghggh and then she gets worried because Scar is a Ultra Murderer TM so she’s quite protective over Cleo and doesn’t like Scar being around them AT ALL but her ass is dead so she’s not doing shit about it. The pining once Scar is out of the picture is Out Of Control. I should write a one shot about this.

ethubs: I think this is the only ship I can honestly say has ever been too weird for me. I think they’re deranged in a way that makes my skin crawl. I am deeply afraid of them. They’ve never kicked it normal style in their lives. I look at them and I don’t know what I’m seeing. It scares me. I respect this ship deeply and leave freshly slaughtered sacrifices at an altar once a week in a hope that will be enough for ethubs to leave me alone.

[hammity-hammer]

steve harrington realizing that he’s got no purpose if he’s not protecting the people he loves from outer-dimensional beings, and has a minor (read: major) spiral about it post-vecna & the party fixing everything. he’s just a regular ole 20 something with no purpose— his friends are all in school, except eddie, who managed to pick up an apprenticeship as an electrician; putting all of that wire knowledge to use (just not in cars, he hasn’t hotwired one since 1986 and he’d like to keep it that way si vous plais) and making the rich houses have even cooler guts than they deserve.

the kids end up graduating (their first tries) and heading as one little pack to the same school (don’t ask me which, i’m a college drop out) and steve, eddie, and rob end up staying just outside of indy. rob finished school early, because of course she did, and she found that she may have a knack for hanging around high schoolers, so why not teach them how to become polyglots like she is?

steve still doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing— he bartends at a little club in the gayborhood, because they went there so often that the bartenders just kind of pushed him into it, and don’t get him wrong— mixing drinks and flirting all night is super fun, but it also… is kind of depressing? even if he gets to be around people like him and see them happy— he knows that a lot of alcohol and drugs causes that happiness and he wants so badly for his people to be out and proud and not murdered for it. but he can’t do that,, so he does the next best thing.

he talks with one of the regulars, andy, who owns a little tattoo shop on the corner, and andy invites him to come check it out. so he does the next day he’s free, and holy fucking christ. tattoos aren’t his thing— at least not on himself, but on other people they’re gorgeous. and they’re painful, but you’re turning the pain into art and you get to live with it in your skin and look at it and think about the fact that you’re here and you made it and you fucking survived. and people purposefully put scars into their bodies? and not in the i-battled-literal-other-dimensional-beings-and-won kind of way, or the i-battled-my-personal-demons-and-won kind of way, which both are things he’s dealt with so fucking intimately— but in the i-will-decorate-this-flesh-prison-and-make-it-a-castle kind of way, and that’s fucking beautiful. queer people taking their bodies and making them into art with ink and hot metal and needles and the love that they have for each other and the passion and the fucking spite at the world that keeps them going and making their presences KNOWN.

and maybe he gets some piercings while he’s there— it’s fascinating and feels so weird and freeing when the needle punctures his flesh and the jewelry goes in— and now he’s got a shiny little ring hanging through his earlobe; his nostril; his lip.

he learns that piercings take time and effort and care and that he has to treat himself with love to be able to heal— and that he is deserving of that love and care and dedication, especially from himself.

he keeps going back, maybe not always to get stabbed, but to watch others have it done. to see how different people’s anatomy takes different piercings, how he can’t have a piercing through his cheeks because he bites them too much when he’s anxious, but the girl that just left got both of hers done and they looked good. they fit her face, like little shiny dimples.

eventually, the piercer, killie, asks steve when he’s going to help them with their needles and their piercings— and he doesn’t know how to react because he hadn’t even thought about it and yet… maybe he could help other people fall in love with themselves and their bodies and help turn them into art one day

maybe he could be a pretty boy with his scars and his metal and his missing chunks and his polos and his jeans and his sneakers.

[oleanderscorner]

I offer you, the highest of my ideas

Yandere Twst X Overblot Yuu.

Vibes? IMMACULATE

Everyone’s like “oooh overblot twst so hooot” NO! I WANT THEM TO DO THAT. FOR ME. IN THE WORST WAYS POSSIBLE.

fuck the calculation n’ clever shit. I want them to run onto scene and go 👀👀

(Specifically if you wanna: Dorm leaders + Leech twins + Ace + Deuce.)

I think I can do this in more of a series—but I’ll do this in this more analysis-like format…let’s start with Vil because I think he would be the most fun.

Yandere!Vil x OB!Yuu

TW: manipulative behavior, obsessing, toxic and abusive themes, self harm—YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Vil Schoenheit

I think everyone can agree that Vil is often an incredibly misrepresented character—whether or not they know or believe their own interpretation to be completely correct. There’s a lot to his character that doesn’t get represented because it’s hard to represent all of him when he’s incredibly adaptable to his surroundings…

But before we get to him any more—let’s look at Yuu.

Yuu can’t OB in canon but without magic, but a personal theory I’ve had for a long time is that Yuu will gain magic somehow—because like everything else they’re now a part of this world, and while they don’t belong “currently” after saving so many people they’re bound to become part of the world they’re living in, and gain some level of magic or be someone part of the universe who has no magic—which is a little less likely considering where Yuu is placed within this universe.

Yuu’s UM is likely to be more similar to Ruggie’s in that they likely will have some level of control over people and surroundings, however, with the ghost theme of the dorm—it’s better to assume that Yuu’s UM may be to become invisible like a ghost to help in battle same way they always kind of had in game.

An OB would likely be quick as Yuu begins to miss home and just wants to disappear and have everyone forget them—have the world forget them—so that maybe they can go home as they no longer have any remnant of themselves in the universe. Homesickness is a real thing, and if we look at some of the manga Yuus we do know that there is families back home for Yuu to go to, and possibly friends too. It can hit hard after awhile, especially if we go by the year and we don’t know how time there works—which can host so many accidents where Yuu won’t see their family again and as much as Yuu would miss their friends here—home could hit a lot worse.

When not invisible, I’d imagine them covered in cloth similar to a sheet ghost and with ink between the folds and sheets, and nearly translucent—just for the fun of a design.

Now onto the actual OB!YuuxVil

(Might switch Yuu and you because Yuu is the reader, if I say they know that means reader/Yuu)

Vil is observant—he may send Rook or Epel to spy on you or make judgements of character—but he is observant of Yuu and their actions leading up to the overblot. He wanted to prepare for it himself—and hopefully actually stop it. In most instances he would—he knows how to take preventive measures—but…this time he didn’t.

As we know from chapter 5 and his vignettes, Vil is one to get back up again after every failed attempt—and is by far the most adaptable character when it comes to needing to work with a loss. He couldn’t prevent it? Fine—it’s not like anyone else was truly helping (they were), he’ll just have to take extreme measures instead.

He locks you up so you cannot be a danger to yourself and others—likely using something to get you to a secure location (his home if he could help it—it’s incredibly reinforced, his dad and he have crazy fans I’m sure) since Ramshackle would definitely be destroyed and Pomefiore has a ridiculous amount of glass to get you hurt. He normally isn’t the kidnapping type but this situation is incredibly dire, so he has to live up to that role.

Vil struggles with identity and selfishness—he is strict and wants to keep everyone in line, and knows how to battle each person who comes his way with tact and grace to keep people in line. However this is for the betterment of others more than for simple order. This is one of the things where he has to come off as the bad guy in order for people to be better versions of themselves and be better people. He is incredibly used to this role even if he hates it and loathes everything. It’s an identity he doesn’t want but it’s one he’s always going to be stuck with, making it hard to do truly selfish things unless it contributes to his image—something he cares way more about than himself.

All of this is to say that he is certain to try and manage your overblot—and to get you out of it—even if it means he has to be the bad guy and keep you away from things. Even if it means having to use magic spray you can’t hurt yourself and others. Even if it means afterwards you hate him.

Yet there will be times where he calls you beautiful, times where he tells you that you look lovely this way—times where he just praises you. Some of it he believes, but some of it is out of what little selfishness he can manage for himself to not completely be the villain in your eyes. It’s ever so slightly manipulative, but telling him that will only make things worse.

He tries to get you to eat so at least there’s things feeding this magical energy. Some of it is laced with potions to help do just that—because he is incredibly scared that stunting it will kill you or harm you. So he wants to just make sure you don’t completely use it all up.

Vil is determined—but if anything Yuu is the best at breaking his resolve.

Constant egging on about him keeping you here, about him using his magic against you—trying to hurt him for so long. Eventually it can get to be too much—but if Yuu mixes it in with any knowledge they knew of his previous obsession for them. How he wished so dearly to make them the best version of themselves and how he wishes to be a part of the life they had here. How he kept worried eyes on them and made sure more money was slipped into their account for food. Even the jealousy he had to hide constantly around those who also showed interest, and his own plans to outdo them that he constantly overthought and looked over. Or especially how Vil had failed to prevent this overblot? Well, that might just break it.

He’d use his own curses against him to make himself better. Give himself timeframes yo complete things or if there was a certain amount of insults or hits a day something would happen. Pain in his legs—turning old for a few days—a nasty illness—whatever worked to force him to get through to the real you.

Even if he overblot once—he can overblot again—and trust me, it’ll be far worse than it ever was before.

This is a quick take! I’d love to do a full in depth analysis of Vil and how I perceive him, and what I think so many people shove onto him that’s completely unfair of them to do—but I truly hope this does him justice. I’ll probably get to the other dorm leaders and maybe more soon depending on how I feel about an OB Yuu.

Thank you for reading!!

[strawhatsemerald]

You know what I also hear about Zoro and Sanji's relationships?

That it’s got drama, it’s got anger issues, it’s got feelings of insecurity, it’s got unhealthy coping mechanisms, it’s got devotion, it’s got bloodlust, it’s got the whole crew pulling their hair out because they were fighting a second ago and now they’re making out while taking breaths to still make fun of each other.

I am seruous now. And I'm like... WHERE?! Isn't that frickin Whiskey Peak for Zolu? And what about Zolu? Doesn't it got all of that? That is not headcanons?

& no drama??? What is Zoro saying he'll quit the crew if Luffy can't choose to be a proper Captain & set his foot down, when Luffy is extremely upset over Usopp leaving???

Zoro also being insecure of not even being strong enough to protect Luffy & his crew??

Also who has the most bloodlust of the crew?? Luffy & Zoro!! Sanji's dream isn't even to be the strongest, he just wants to find the best legendary seafood ever & run the best restaurant in the world. Whereas Luffy & Zoro's dreams require them to be the strongest fighters ever- & Luffy n Zoro are the ones who enjoy themselves, make jokes & laugh the most while fighting!!

What is Luffy's unhealthy coping mechanism? Being extremely hedonistic in avoiding of his own emotional pain (eg taking hallucinogenic mushrooms when he's at his saddest point), being ultra self-sacrificial for people he just knew, making extreme deals he might fail to live up to if the people he befriends don't help him enough (eg literally in his first meeting with Zoro he accepts the consequence of having to commit seppuku/kill himself if he blocks Zoro from Zoro's dream!!)

& Zoro's unhealthy coping mechanism?? He's so extremely kind to people he can emphatize with that he risks his whole life just for them with little to no reward (eg defending that girl delivering him the onigiri... still wanting to keep Luffy safe risking his guts popping out, even tho he initially complained of how dumb Luffy is in just having one tiny boat with no navigator...),

Training + emotionally burdening himself too hard whenever he feels jealous/inadequate

Not revealing himself almost dying to Kuma, since Zoro actually doesn't want Luffy to kill himself because Luffy had almost killed Zoro... (Luffy might have killed himself anyway if he realizes Zoro died because of his mistake of wanting to adventure in Thriller Bark!!)

As in Zoro has almost the same types of unhealthy coping mechanism Luffy has!!

Zolu has drama too, but it's also accompanied with the sweetness & laughter/friendly mocking Zosan fans think only Zosan has. What's Luffy & Zoro's most comically toxic traits to each other? Their extreme expectations of each other! Them always being super hedonistic (eg Luffy eating all the time, getting trapped in strange places & not paying attention, Zoro falling asleep/getting lost in random places- they're very similar in their executive dysfunction!), Them competing who's less stupid than the other! Yet when they do this mocking of each other, they take it so much easier & it always leads up to them laughing & smiling at each other, approving each others' extreme tendencies!! (Eg literally after their Whiskey Peak fight of genuinely almost killing each other, they just banter  with big smiles over how excited they are to fight a Warlord, with Nami pulling her hair out over them!! Zoro & Sanji don't have this outside of anime-only filler arcs!!)

[memescomicswriting]

It's Nice To Have A Friend

Chapter 3: Everything Has Changed

Summary: Fate is cruel on how it goes about obtaining its desires. It must be fate, because there is no other explanation for how perfectly molded Y/N and Helaena are to one another. They complement one another like opposite sides of a coin. Where Helaena is shy, Y/N is outgoing. Helaena has a photographic memory. Y/N has emotional inteligence. They have the right temperament to be the missing piece in one another’s lives. Ying and Yang. Then there are the boys. Love them or hate them, they’re there. Even the adults cannot escape the Targaryen chaos, and the fallout doesn’t spare the minors simply because they’re adolescents. Follow how Y/N and those around her carve out lives for themselves amongst the weight of the Targaryen legacy in a modern Westeros.

Word Count: 10.5k

Pairings: Aegon x Y/N, Aemond xY/N, hints of Jace x Y/N, Platonic! Helaena x Y/N, Father Figure! Harwin x Y/N, Mother Figure! Rhaneyra x Y/N, Mother Figure! Alicent x Y/N

Warnings: 18+ you’ve been warned

Lots of profanity, sexual innuendos, drug and alcohol use, boys being stupid jerks, infidelity, divorce, eventual smut

A/N 1: Chapters drop on Thursdays. Please, please, please, please share your thoughts. I wanna hear them. I don't bite, promise!

Sereies Masterlist

It’d been over two months since Harwin took custody of Y/N. They’d fallen into a certain routine. Y/N would attend therapy twice a week, once by herself and once with Harwin. After each session they’d enjoy some sort of treat. Days were spent sorting through Y/N’s things, making her room at Harwin’s her own, the gym, the park, and anywhere else Y/N wanted to go. After her therapy session, the one that included Harwin, they’d often have their treat with Rhaenyra and her boys.

They were loud, rowdy, and complete children. Y/N’s experience socializing with other kids was limited to exclusive centers at premier destinations where they were all of similar demeanor. To her, Rhaenyra’s boys were practically feral. For the first hour or two of socializing, Y/N enjoyed their company. The frenzy of boyish energy blurred the rest of the world like a distorted image. For the first few hours, it was just them and whatever adventure they embarked on. It was nice.

Then the boys would forget the manners expected with company and they’d rough house. Y/N wasn’t too fond of that. She’d make her way to baby Joffrey. Though he was a toddler, he still preferred being held and coddled. Y/N was happy to relieve Rhaenyra or Leanor from snuggling duty. Syrax the cat had a similar idea. She often hid from the chaos in the nursery.

That visit, Rhaenyra, Harwin, and Leanor were content keeping Joffrey. They’d pass the babe back and forth whenever he made grabby hands for the next adult. They seemed satisfied with their time together.

“Boys!” Rhaenyra called her sons into the primary living room. She gave Y/N a sweet and apologetic smile. Her attention quickly shifted to her two sons barreling into the room, squabbling over some shared toy.

“Isn’t this the time you usually bike to the park?” She questioned and realization passed over the boys’ features. It was around the hour they made their way to the park. “Your uncles and aunt arrived back from Oldtown yesterday. Why don’t you introduce Y/N to the family?”

“Oh yeah!” Luke jumped in excitement. “Y/N you gotta meet Aegon. He’s so cool. He comes up with fun games for us to play and tells funny jokes.”

“You’ll like him.” Jace chimed in. “Helaena’s alright. Aemond is Aemond, but Aegon is the coolest.”

Y/N looked back at Harwin wearily. She was already over the boy's outbursts of energy. Now she had to entertain their aunt and uncle? “I don’t have a bike.” Y/N excused.

“No worries.” Leanor assured her. “We have a spare for when the boys have friends over. Helmet included.” He stood and handed Joffrey off to Harwin. “To the garage children.”

Soon Y/N was riding down the sidewalk on a blue and black bike. Her hemet had blue flames on it. It was very… boy, but something about the air blowing on her face and moving her hair back brought her a sense of calm. The boys continued to rattle off about Aegon and all the games they’d play. All Y/N had to do was occasionally mumble some agreement but for the most part, tuned them out. Her interest was in the estates they passed. Sometimes she could see the large homes. Other times all she could gleam was were long driveways.

Y/N wasn’t a stranger to estates. Her parents often took her to several throughout the year. However, she spent most of her life in cities, penthouses with skyline views. A gated community was novel. She enjoyed the overwhelming amount of trees. Save for the sidewalk and road, it was all walls of greenery. With the trees came the smell of dew and flowers. Birds chirped. She saw countless squirrels. Even with the boy's exasperations, she found peace.

The journey took twenty minutes. Treelines opened to a large grassy field. There was a playground with metal joints, slides, swings. A rope climb and course sat off to the side. Restrooms and a picnic area took up a corner. The biggest draw it seemed, was the open field with nets and a dugout. The park wasn’t packed, but the majority of those in the park congregated on that open field.

Y/N followed the boys as they stacked the bikes on a rack. Their helmets clipped to the metal bars of the bike. Jace and Luke took either of Y/N’s hands and pulled her along to a pair of platinum blonde boys- the same platinum as Rhaenyra. One was taller than the other, both gangly, and sported long loose curls.

“Nephews!” The taller one greeted. “And here I thought I’d be stuck with Aemond for company.”

The shorter platinum boy, which had to be Aemond, grumbled and glared at his taller brother.

“Y/N this is Aegon.” Jace introduced. He’d dropped her hand and nudged her forward. “Aegon, this is Y/N, Harwin’s niece.”

“Niece, huh.” Aegon glanced her up and down with an approving hum. She couldn’t understand the extent of his smile. It wasn’t simply friendly, that was obvious, but why would anyone smile if not to be friendly. “So you must be cousins.”

“I’m his goddaughter.” Y/N corrected quietly. Her expression wasn’t unhappy, she still had a small smile, but she was cautious. She sensed something that wasn’t there with the younger boys.

“Oh…” Aegon scrunched his nose in confusion. Then realization washed it away. “Oh, your Harwin’s goddaughter. Mother mentioned you. Well, warned. She said we had to be nice, but I don’t understand why. I’m delightful.”

Aemond snorted. Y/N’s focus shifted to him and she grinned. His brother did sound absurd. Aegon elbowed Aemond. Aemond went to retaliate but Aegon made himself taller as a warning.

Aegon took Y/N’s free hand. Her hand holding Luke’s dropped. Aegon led her further into the grassy fields. “Come on, you can be on my team. Are you any good at tourney games? How old are you, ten? Aemond and Jace are ten and they’re alright.”

“I’m eleven and I haven’t played tourney in a few months. When I did I was a forward.”

“Eleven, I’m twelve, thirteen in five months. That’s okay though, I’ll go easy like I do with the others.”

Y/N shot him a questioning glance. He was either very confident or he really wanted to live up to Jace and Luke’s praises. The younger boys trailed behind them. Jace and Luke appeared more interested than Aemond. Y/N looked around the park. She hadn’t been to this one before. The parks Harwin took her to were nature preserves, no playgrounds. As she scanned the outer perimeter she caught sight of another platinum child.

“Is that your sister?” Y/N pointed to the girl on the very edge of the green.

“Ugh, Helaena.” Aegon confirmed. “Don’t pay attention to her. She’s boring. All she likes is bugs. She’s sketching the butterflies she sees.” He rolled his eyes and continued along, but was forced to halt when Y/N stopped moving.

“I like butterflies.” She stated, freed herself, and began walking in the girl’s direction.

“Y/N where are you going?” Luke asked, catching up to her.

“I’m going to go see butterflies.” Y/N ignored Aegon’s protests. The boys followed despite declarations that they wanted to play tourney games.

The five of them stopped in front of Helaena. The grass was high here but Helaena had a blanket beneath her holding the grass back. Their shadows caught Helaena’s attention and she gave them her acknowledgement but did not speak.

“Hi Helaena,” Jace waved. “This is Y/N,” He pointed at the new addition. “She’s Harwin’s niece.”

“Goddaughter.” Y/N clarified yet again, slightly annoyed. 

“Hello,” Helaena addressed Y/N and closed her sketch book. “I’m sorry about your parents.”

All the boys went wide eyed. She addressed the unspeakable. Don’t bring up Y/N’s parents. Helaena didn’t bat an eye at the boy's reproach. Despite their fear, Y/N didn’t melt into a puddle of tears. Her lips curved up in a sad but longing way.

“Thank you.” Y/N nodded and then dropped to her knees on the blanket. “They said you’re looking at butterflies.”

“There’s several species migrating through the area right now.” Helaena confirmed and pushed a book to Y/N. “I want to see as many as I can.”

“Like I said, boring.” Aegon interjected.

Y/N craned her neck to view Aegon’s folded arms of displeasure. “I don’t think so.”

The statement was unwavering. There wasn’t a drop of apprehension or inflection searching for approval. That’s how Aegon got the younger boys to comply. He couldn’t do that with Y/N. It irritated him. His smirk faded. Her confidence made his skin itch. Something ignited in him, he would impress her and she would follow along. For the moment though, he needed to to keep the boys in line.

“Very well.” Aegon sighed in false acceptance. “We’ll go play tourney. You’ll grow bored. Maybe we’ll let you join if you ask nicely.”

“Okay,” Y/N shrugged and went back to the butterfly book. Aemond caught Aegon’s flash of frustration though it was quick enough that neither Jace or Luke saw. This pleased Aemond.

“Can I see your sketches?” Y/N placed her hand over Helaena’s sketchbook. Helaena nodded and flipped to pages filled with butterfly drawings. “Woah…” Y/N breathed out as she pulled the book close to her chest. “You’re really good!” She wasn’t exaggerating, Helaena was exceptionally talented.

“Thank you.” Helaena hummed. She was fiddling in her backpack for something.

“How do you catch them to draw?” Y/N tried to see what Helaena was doing.

“With this.” Helaena pulled out a container of fresh cut melon. “They like the sweetness from the fruit but you have to stay still.”

“And they just come to you?” “They congregate in the tall grass and wildflowers.”

Y/N plucked a piece of mellon and held her hand to the grass. Patiently, she sat still and waited. After a moment or two, butterflies returned to Helaena’s blanket. One landed on Y/N’s piece of fruit. Two landed on Helaena's.

“This is so cool!” Y/N didn’t raise her voice’s volume so as to not startle the bugs, but her pitch rose and became breathy with excitement. “I think you’re the funnest person I’ve met here.”

“Really?” Helaena cocked her head to the side and frowned, but never looked up from her butterfly. It wasn’t something she heard, ever. She mostly heard Aegon’s adjectives of boring, lame, and weird. 

“Yeah!” Y/N hurriedly reaffirmed. “I mean, Harwin is great and can be fun. Jace and Luke are sweet, even though they can be crazy. My parents used to bring me to see all kinds of creatures on our trips. So this feels… this is cool.”

Helaena nodded along and turned to look at her companion. “What kind of animals did they take you to see?”

Y/N lit up. She really only got to talk about her parents in therapy. Everyone else was too afraid to mention them. Maybe they thought she’d burst into tears at their mention. Though she was desperately sad, and often cried herself to sleep, her memories made her feel better at times. 

“Well in Naath there are these giant butterflies! You have to be careful though, some are poisonous. Sothoreos has snakes as big as cars and wild beasts that can tear through you with their trunks. There’s tribes out there who catch and eat bugs the size of rodents. There were stone carvings of that on the Sothoreos vine covered ruins. Valyrian ruins still have small fire worms, so you can’t touch anything without gloves.” Y/N rambled on and Helaena gobbled up all the information she shared. She’d never left Westeros, so having someone in front of her who’d witnessed the beasts she’d only dreamed of was like having a private viewing of an unreleased nature documentary.

“Do you have pictures?” Helaena scooted closer to Y/N. Y/N didn’t notice nor mind.

“Yeah, I have some.” Y/N pulled out her smartphone, the latest model. It was a gift for her last birthday. Her parents didn’t allow much game or watch time, but they were happy she could chat with others and take pictures whenever she wanted. “I think there’s more on my parent’s cloud.”

Helaena nodded in understanding. When she went to take the phone, her fingers brushed one of Y/N’s many bracelets. This one in particular was woven. “What’s that?” Helaena turned Y/N’s hands back and forth to get the full view of all the bracelets. 

“Oh! These are my bracelets!” Y/N explained. She sat up on her knees and began removing them one by one to show. “Mom never liked me spending too much time on my phone so when we were stuck on long flights or delays we’d make friendship bracelets. She said giving them out was a nice way to say thank you to anyone we met while traveling. I kept my favorites though.”

“This one,” She held up the one that caught Helaena’s eye. “Is one I made with embroidery floss and a pattern book. It took forever to get the knots in order. Then I have ones with beads and ones with beads and floss. Do you like them?”

“I love them!” Helaena held one in each hand and enjoyed the way the bracelets passed between her fingers.

“You can have those two if you like.” Y/N offered.

“Can I?” Helaena’s eyes lit up with enjoyment. It wasn’t often she exchanged items with her peers. She couldn’t remember the last time someone her age gifted her with something outside her birthday.

“You keep those two and I’ll teach you how to make more. Then we can make ones to exchange with each other.”

“I’ll ask my mom if she can take us to get the supplies. I’m sure she will.”

“That’d be great! Harwin would get lost in a craft store.”

Both girls giggled at the thought of that bull of a man wandering around the store in search of embroidery floss and beads. 

Y/N glanced over at the park down the hill and something caught her eye. “Hey, I know you’re busy drawing your butterflies but maybe we could go on the swings and pretend we’re ones instead!”

“Pretend?” Helaena was in disbelief at the silly notion. “How can we pretend to be butterflies? We have no wings.”

“We don’t need them!” Y/N hurriedly exclaimed. “We just swing in the air like we’re flying, migrating butterflies. We could pretend we’re going anywhere you want!”

Helaena glanced at her books and then shrugged. Y/N was nice and thought she was fun. Y/N was kind enough to give her two of her bracelets. How could she say no?

“Okay.” Helaena agreed and began packing up her set up. Y/N helped as best she could, though Helaena preferred a particular order of things.

With everything packed and her backpack on, Y/N and Helaena made their way down to the swing. At some point, Y/N grabbed Helaena’s hand on the walk. Helaena just accepted it, though she’d normally pull away. The two hands clasped felt nice for a change. It helped that Y/N’s hands were soft and smooth, not sweaty.

Helaena put her bag down by the stationary beam and the girls hopped on their respective swings. Side by side, they kicked their legs out and in. The higher and faster they went, the louder their laughter got. They enjoyed the repetitive motion and the feeling of the breeze in their hair. Soon they were shouting out all the places they’d go. Starfall, Naath, Beyond the Wall, Yeeti, and more. If they went to Valyria though, they’d have to take Aemond or he’d never stop complaining. Then there was what they’d do, where they’d sleep, would they camp. It kept them entertained for quite a while.

Over on the field the boys were all kicking and scrambling after a tourney ball. Aegon cheated and shoved Aemond. What should’ve been a red flag, Aegon said, was Aemond running into him. He always did that. Anytime Aemond had the upper hand, Aegon had to ruin it so he always turned up on top. Sometimes, Aemond would give into the rage and try to fight Aegon or whomever the offender was. Usually it didn't go his way. Aegon was bigger and stronger. Jace and Luke protected one another. Aemond would be chased away with a new bruise or scrape. This time he elected to remove himself before his anger got the better of him. In a red faced huff, Aemond marched over the edge of the playground and took a seat in the shade where he could observe.

“Hey, isn’t that your brother?” Y/N pointed out the patch of platinum hair kicking at the dirt.

“That one’s Aemond. He’s probably mad at Aegon for something he did in the game.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, Aegon is rough with Aemond or comes up with all sorts of rules so Aemond doesn’t win. It makes him angry.”

“I’d be angry too.” Y/N agreed and then unexpectedly hopped off her swing mid flight. 

“What are you doing?” Helaena inquired. “Butterflies don’t crash land.”

“Don’t worry,” Y/N assured her new friend. “I’ll be right back. Hold my swing!”

Y/N walked over to Aemond’s sulking spot and sat down next to him. He either didn’t notice her approach or refused to address her.

“Hello.” Y/N greeted, facing the younger brother.

“Hello.” Aemond mumbled back. He didn’t say anything else, but Y/N remained there beaming at him.

“What do you want?” He asked rather rudely.

Ignoring his distasteful tone, Y/N continued her friendly gesture. “Helaena says you really like old Valyria.”

“I do.” Aemond eyed her with suspicion.

“I’ve gone a bunch of times with my parents. Helaena and I were talking about how we were going to go together someday.”

That got Aemond’s attention. With the mention that she’d actually been, she had him enraptured. His mother always said it was too dangerous for children to go, but here was someone only a year older than him who’d gone more than once! In his eyes, she was elevated to the incarnation of Tesserion or Tyraxes- Valyrian goddesses.

“You’ve been to the ruins?” It was more of an exclamation than a question. “What are they like?”

“Come swing with Helaena and I so I can tell you both.” Y/N offered. As soon as she was on her feet and walking, Aemond trailed her like an excited puppy. Aegon noticed.

The three spent a good half hour discussing the ruins of Old Valyria. Aemond had so many questions. Helaena had opinions. Y/N was more than compliant with sharing and listening. It was fun for Y/N. She liked talking with Helaena and Aemond. They were her age and didn’t become chaotic like Jace and Luke. She truly liked those boys, but even their mother said they were a lot to handle. The game must have ended or Aegon got tired of playing, because he, Jace, and Luke made their way over to those content on the swings. They had to have planned something on their way. Or better yet, Aegon did. They struted over with knowing smirks and hands hiding in full pockets.

“The evil dragons have captured the princess!” Luke shouted at the top of his lungs startling the trio. “We must free her!” Then the assault began.

To their credit, Helaena and Aemond dodged the majority of the acorns while swinging. Y/N figured she was the princess they referred to because none of the artillery was aimed at her. Jace and Aegon threw harder than Luke. To catch up, Luke began picking up mulch when retrieving his ammo. Helaena and Aemond were calling for them to stop, but as long as Aegon was laughing, the bombardment continued.

“Knock it off!” Y/N’s voice cut through the chaos and registered in the boys’ ears. It was loud and firm, deeper than her normal talking voice. Perhaps it was similar enough to Rhaenyra’s to make the boys pause. Aegon stopped when he noticed he was the only one left throwing their pellets.

“We’re just having fun.” Jace whined, attempting an explanation. “It’s a game.”

“But it’s not fun!” Y/N admonished Jace. “It’s not fun for them,” She waved at Helaena and Aemond. “The ones you’re pelting. You’re not having fun, you’re being mean, and cruel, and bullies!”

Small mouths opened agape and looks were exchanged. Was this actually mean? Aegon said it’d be fun and it was. Then Jace and Luke saw the disapproval from Y/N and the sadness from Helaena. Aemond was upset as well, but he was always upset. 

“I’m sorry.” Luke mumbled rather meekly.

“Yeah, sorry.” Jace agreed and kicked at the discarded acorns and mulch below to avoid the shame he’d feel from looking Y/N in the eyes.

“Oh quit being such babies.” Aegon ignored the feelings of regret Y/N tugged on. He rolled his eyes and his smirk grew. “If they want to escape the scorpion arrows then they need to relinquish the girl!”

He hoped that by capturing their imagination, he could win the younger boys back to his side. Y/N would surely follow once she saw how much fun they were having. To prove his point he threw several acorns at a time at Aemond and Helaena. He made the pitches harder than before. This time, rather than the majority failing to hit their mark or landing in their laps, this round hit hard. One caught Aemond in the eye. Helaena was hit in the center of the forehead, neck, and ear. She screeched in fright, lost her balance, and fell off her swing. Then she began to cry loud, wailing tears.

Y/N looked from Helaena, to Aemond, to Aegon who had a smug grin. Jace and Luke were shocked. They immediately went to comfort Helaena. As they were running towards the swing, Y/N used the height she acquired from swinging to leap away. She had airtime on her side, and good aim too. She tackled Aegon and knocked them both to the ground. Ignoring the shock to her body, Y/N began to wrestle with him. She wasn’t like Aemond who attacked but failed due to the size difference. She’d hit a growth spurt that Aegon had yet to reach. They were the same size and Y/N had Harwin for a guardian. He’d already begun his defense lessons with her, worried for how her first time in a school would go. They’d paid off. It was evident in the way she kicked Aegon’s ass.

Trying to crawl away, Aegon ended up rolling onto his stomach for leverage. Y/N dashed that hope by pinning him by the back of his neck and legs. He was hollering for Y/N to get off of him.

“Do you like that?” Y/N asked through gritted teeth. She was shoving his head into the mulch, dirt, and discarded acorns. “Do you like eating acorns? Is it fun for you now?”

“It’s not!” Aegon, still squirming, answered in hope of reprieve. His face was beat red. Later he’d claim that he let Y/N do this and he never shed a tear.

“Eat it! Eat it!” Y/N called over his wails, trying to shove an acorn in his mouth.

“Stop!” Aegon tried demanding. That didn’t work either. He switched back to pleading. “Get off of me, please!”

“Apologize.” Y/N shook him insistently.

“I’m sorry!” Aegon hollered into the ether.

“Say it to them!” Y/N forced Aegon by the hair to address his siblings.

“I’m sorry!” He repeated, louder. That was what Y/N needed to relent. She gave him one last shove downwards and swung out of her straddling position. She climbed off Aegon and stood, brushed past Jace and Luke and went to help Helaena up. She’d stopped her sobs but there were still tears in her eyes.

“Are you okay?” Y/N brushed the loose strands of hair clinging to Helaena’s tear soaked cheeks. Helaena nodded but kept her eyes downcast. It was enough for now.

Y/N went to check on Aemond next. “Are you okay?”

“My eye hurts, but I’ll be fine.” Aemond was holding his hand to his eye. Y/N lifted it to check. There was a scratch that trailed from above his brow to mid cheek and little welts of blood.

Y/N huffed, upset. She claimed Helaena’s backpack and tossed it over her shoulders. With that stubborn scowl she grabbed Aemond’s free hand and reached for Helaena. She led them to the bike racks. Luke and Jace attempted to follow, but with one stern glare from Y/N they backed off. Maybe she was scarier than their mother.

“We didn’t ride here.” Helaena whispered. Her tension had yet to disperse.

“Our house is only a five minute walk away.” Aemond clarified.

“Oh.” Y/N dropped either’s hand and stood conflicted. “Well I did.”

“You don’t have to go with us.” Helaena sniffled. “We’ll make it back okay and you can continue to play.”

“I don’t want to play with them.” Y/N’s lips pursed and twisted with confliction. She spoke slowly as she formed her ideas. “I’ll make sure you make it home safe and then I’ll bike back to Rhaenyra’s. Aemond, you’re hurt. Do you want to ride the bike back?” “I can’t ride with one hand and one eye.” Aemond scoffed at the suggestion.

“Right… Helaena, why don’t you ride. Maybe it will calm you down.” Y/N suggested.

“Okay.” Helaena agreed timidly.

The trio slowly made their way to the patriarchal Targaryen residence. There were very few houses on the way. Each house had more land than the next. 

“Why did you do that?” Aemond broke the silence which blanketed the triad.

“Do what?” Y/N hummed.

Aemond looked to his sister. They were used to making this walk back together. One, the other, or both were fed up with Aegon’s antics and decided they’d rather sit at home than spend another minute at the park. Helaena nodded for her brother to continue. 

“Stand up to Aegon.” He clarified. “You could’ve gotten hurt.”

“I’m not afraid of him.” Y/N found the thought amusing. “Especially now that I’ve seen him eat acorns.”

They all found humor in that. Aemond especially. “You’re my new favorite person.”

“Thank you.” Y/N bowed slightly, playing along, gleeful. “He’s obviously a jerk and I couldn’t just sit back and let him be one. Jace and Luke are dumb for finding him cool.”

“Ugh,” Aemond rolled his good eye. “They can’t think for themselves when they’re around him.”

“So I’ve gathered.” Y/N agreed. 

They stopped once they reached a massive gate enclosing another extensive driveway. Aemond pulled a key card from his pocket and held it to a metal box. The gate divided down the center. After what seemed like a mile, they reached the house. It was a mansion, but they called it a house. It was old and sophisticated. Constructed with Valyrian brick and marble that’d be too expensive for building most modern homes. It was adorned with fountains, balconies, lots of well kept greenery, and many implanted crests. Y/N’d seen buildings like this before. She didn’t go often, but both her mother and father owned family estates of similar magnitude.

The door wasn’t locked. It didn’t need to be when the property was walled up like a palace. Helaena left the bike and helmet by the door. Y/N returned her backpack.

“Mother’s not here.” Helaena stated woefully. “We’ll have to ask father about your eye.”

“No.” Aemond wouldn’t let his sister pass to whatever corridor she might find their father down. “He’ll be upset if we bother him.”

“Whenever I got something on my face or in my eye my parents made me wash it out.” Y/N offered some compromise.

“Let’s try the bathroom.” Helaena added in. “There’s bandaids and wipes there too.”

“Okay.” Aemond relented to the idea. In his opinion, it was better to avoid involving their father.

Once in the massive downstairs primary guest bathroom, Aemond went to the sink and began to flush out his eye. It agitated him at first but as the dirt started to dislodge it brought him comfort. Helaena found the first aid kit. The two girls went through it. They took out alcohol wipes, antibacterial cream, and bandages. Aemond questioned when he could stop rinsing. His hair was soaked. Y/N brought a hand towel to wrap around his shoulders so he didn’t get his shirt wet. Just like before, Y/N took charge. She made Aemond sit on the wall to wall countertop so she could dress his wounds. Helaena made herself comfortable next to her younger brother.

“If you don’t have to go right away, I can show you my other sketches. I’ve got a lot in my room, and books! Oh and you have to meet Dreamfyre!” Helaena clearly recuperated from her previous meltdown.

“Why are you so chatty all of a sudden?” Aemond attempted to look at his sister but Y/N kept his head from turning. It made him intently look at the face of the girl in front of him. The very same girl who beat up his brother. His hero. She was beautiful. He let out a shaky exhale. Y/N didn’t notice.

“I’m not suddenly chatty.” Helaena countered. “I just want to show my new friend all my things.”

“Well if you get to show her all of your things then I get to show her all of mine.” Aemond argued. His tone lost its edge when he addressed Y/N. “You’ll see all my stuff too, right? I’ve got replica swords, and maps of Valyria, and Vagar my lizard.”

“She won’t want to see that boring old beast.” Helaena kept Y/N from answering.

“She’s way more interesting than your drawings.” Aemond snickered.

“I’ll see both.” Y/N agreed once she finished touching up Aemond’s face. 

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. “I look hideous with these bandages and red eye.”

Smirking, Y/N disagreed. “I think it makes you look tough. Like Aegon should think twice before attacking you again.”

Aemond blushed and turned his head to hide it. On doing so, he felt how wet his hair was. “It’s like I got waterboarded.”

“Okay hold still.” Y/N gathered his hair in the hand towel and began to gently ring it out.

“Maybe, since Y/N’s here we can convince Father to let us see his model Valyria.” Helaena voiced her wonder. “I mean, she’s been there so she can tell father if he’s got it right.”

“It’s a model of Old Valyria, like when it was still intact.” Aemond corrected.

“They had models there of what it looked like. They had one every time you came to a new group of buildings.”

“Okay but after you look at my maps.”

“And meet Dreamfyre.”

With the three lost in their conversation they did not hear the front door open and close nor the footsteps that grew louder as they came closer. Alicent noticed the bike on the front porch. It wasn’t one that belonged to her children. Maybe it was one of Rhaenyra’s brood. Or perhaps the children brought one of their playmates from school over. That was a rare occurrence. With Daeron on her hip she made her way towards the direction of young voices. She found it odd that they congregated in the bathroom of all places.

“Dearests, what’s going on?” Alicent asked while rounding the corner. She stopped when she caught an unfamiliar young girl drying her son’s wet hair. “Oh, hello.”

Aemond looked like a deer in the headlights. Something about his mother walking in on a girl showing him care unnerved him. Y/N was surprised but masked a larger reaction. Helaena kicked her feet as she had been doing before, unbothered.

“Hello mother.” Helaena began rambling again. There wasn’t a breath to be heard between sentences. “This is Y/N, Harwin Strong’s goddaughter, Y/N.”

Alicent recognized the name and relation. Viserys told her about this girl weeks ago when Rhaenyra told him. She felt terrible for the orphan. She was the same age Alicent was when she lost her mother. She empathized with the girl, though she wasn’t fond of her connection to Rhaenyra. Viserys already regurgitated the stories Rhaenyra shared like Y/N was one of his own grandchildren.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Alicent tried to make the introduction but Helaena continued talking over her. She was taken aback. This was something Helaena would do when she watched a new documentary or discovered a new book to fascinate her mind. When it came to others, school, her day she typically withheld herself.

“Y/N likes butterflies too mother. I taught her how to attract butterflies and then we pretended to be butterflies. We had so much fun talking about the places she’s been.”

“She’s been to the Valyrian ruins.” Aemond chimed in. Alicent noticed the bandages over his face and immediately placed Daeron down to investigate.

“Oh yeah, Aegon and our nephews were being mean and throwing acorns at us.” Helaena continued. “You should’ve seen Y/N mother. She made the boys stop and even got Aegon to apologize.”

“Apologize and eat dirt.” Aemond smugly added. When his mother continued to scout his face for injury he stepped back and nodded that he was alright enough. “Y/N bandaged it up for me.”

“And she gave me these bracelets!” Helaena shoved her bracelet clad wrist into her mother’s face. “It’s nice to have her as a friend.”

Alicent lowered her daughter’s arm back to her side. “I see sweetling. You’ve had an eventful day.” She went to address the unexpected house guest but when she did, she had to look further down than expected.

Y/N crouched down next to Daeron and kept him from crawling under the sink or to where his little fingers could be stepped on. She distracted him with large expressions and soft words. Alicent’s heart warmed and a motherly grin emerged from her lips.

“So you made my eldest eat dirt?” Alicent questioned in a teasing manner.

“It was actually acorns.” Helaena corrected her brother’s previous statement.

Y/N’s eyes widened in a bit of a panic as she searched for the right words. The fact Alicent was playing with the girl flew right over her head with the assumption of trouble.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N quickly stood but kept bending down to keep Daeron from crawling under the counter. “I know I shouldn’t of, and it was unkind.” Her words came out as fast as Helaena’s. “He wouldn’t stop pelting them and he, he hurt Aemond and made Helaena cry. And! And! It just made me really upset to see her cry. She was so nice and we were gonna make friendship bracelets.”

Alicent cut off the frantic girl with a loving squeeze to either of her shoulders. “It’s okay, Y/N. No more apologies are needed. I’m happy that someone stood up for my Aemond and Helaena.”

“Okay.” Y/N nodded but still unsure. “I’m sorry for coming over unexpectedly. I wanted to make sure they made it home alright and Aemond’s eye was okay.” She stared at the ground, avoiding eye contact, perceiving annoyance at her uninvited presence.

Alicent heard that the girl lived like a vagabond with her parents, traveling from one destination to the next. It explained her nerves at social protocol. This was a little more excessive than she would expect, but at least she was polite. That impressed Alicent more than it concerned her. Though she’d never admit it, it was better than her children would react in this situation.

“Like I said,” Alicent kept her friendliness. “No more apologies needed.”

“Mother,” Helaena gently tugged on her arm. “Can I show Y/N my room now?”

“Hold on dear, she can’t just disappear with you for hours on end. Harwin may not know where she is and is worried.” Alicent attempted to calm her daughter's increasing hyperfocused energy.

Helaena’s line of sight snapped to Y/N. “You can text or call him right? Then you’ll have permission!”

Alicent did not recognise the individual who had possessed Helaena’s body. Her quiet, introverted, particular daughter was bounding with energy for this new friend. Alicent almost fainted in shock when Helaena wrapped herself around Y/N’s arm.

“If Harwin approves, then yes, she may stay.” Alicent studied her daughter as she bounced up and down, giggling in Y/N’s ear.

“She’s been like this since they met.” Aemond moaned.

Alicent knowingly side-eyed her son. “You can join in their fun too.” Aemond again blushed and chased after the girls. Harwin must have responded with a quick yes, because in a blink of an eye they were out the bathroom door.

Alicent picked up Daeron and leaned against the counter. Perplexed was an understatement. Sometimes Helaena would preen like this when she had her father’s undivided attention. Which was rare. She’d have to consult one of her blogs about this sudden behavior. It had to be a good thing that Helaena made a new friend, no matter how quickly she became attached. It could’ve been Y/N’s protection that enraptured Helaena. She was safe and shared interests. Gods help them, maybe she could quell some of Helaena’s stemming.

Then there was Aegon. Should she be mortified that the girl became aggressive with her eldest, or pleased? On one hand, someone laid hands on her child. On another, It was Aegon and he had it coming. She’d need to admonish this behavior when he gained the courage to return home. Y/N captured Aemond’s affections rather than ire. That was surprising. A pleasant ease settled Alicent. Helaena was acting like a normal eleven year old girl, Aemond was in good spirits, and Aegon learned that he shouldn’t tease his siblings. And she was good with Daeron! She’d buy the house next door for Harwin if this was the typical day with Y/N around.

Aemond and Helaena took Y/N from one room to the next. They had to show her every book, picture, map, game, and creature in a bid to hold her attention. Y/N went along with them both. She saw Helaena’s other sketches. She had insects, birds, reptiles, and fish mainly. Aemond had over a dozen maps all neatly hung around his room. Others were in his books. There was the sword. She met Dreamfyre the cat who was very friendly and cuddly. Vagar the ancient looking behemoth of a lizard, not so much. Still, she accepted Aemond’s invitation to watch him feed her and held her tongue on how gross it was.

Eventually, the three exchanged hushed whispers behind Viserys’ study door. There was an aggressive whisper argument dragging on as the door swung open. Y/N couldn’t understand why Aemond had been so apprehensive about engaging with his father. The man who opened the door had kind eyes and a loving smile. He didn’t appear bothered.

“Well, well, well I thought I heard little dragons outside my door.” Viserys chuckled, addressing the three children.

“Father!” Helaena exclaimed while she dove in for a hug. To Y/N it looked like a hug you’d give someone after being parted for over a week. Aemond nervously smiled at Y/N’s side.

“Hello little love.” Viserys returned Helaena’s hug. Then he ruffled Aemond’s hair. “And my boy.”

Finally his gaze landed on Y/N. “And who might you be.”

“This is Y/N father.” Helaena answered for her friend with her head pressed into her father’s shirt. “She’s Harwin Strong’s goddaughter and she beat up Aegon.”

“She beat up Aegon?” Viserys raised his brows in surprise. “What did he do to earn the wrath of such a lovely girl?”

Again, Helaena answered. “Pelted us with acorns that scratched Aemond’s eye and made me cry. You should’ve seen her father.” Helaena looked up at her father with excitement in her eyes. “She jumped off the swing and landed right on him! She even made him apologize.”

“It was amazing.” Aemond nodded his head in sound agreement.

“Well then, the punishment fits the crime I’d say.” Viserys chuckled. Unlike Alicent, he didn’t question if he should be upset or not.

“She’s been to the Valyrian ruins, father.” Aemond piped up, bringing the focus back to why they were outside the study door.

“Really?” This piqued Viserys’ interest. “I heard you were well traveled, my dear, but I did not expect it to include the ruins.”

“I’ve been four times. My mother said it was important to know my heritage.” Y/N affirmed. 

“Right she was.” Viserys nodded. “Those descended from the empire should know where they come from.”

“Father,” Helaena was holding his hand now. “Can we show Y/N your models?”

“Certainly.” Viserys guided the three children into his study. It was warm. Beams of sun entered the room from large windowed doors. A balcony was beyond them. Tapestries hung from the ceiling. There was an empty fireplace against an exterior wall.

“Though this won’t look like the ruins as it is a model based on the height of the empire, you should be able to recognize several pieces.” Viserys stood back proudly as the children awed at his models.

“They had reconstructed diagrams at every ruin.” Y/N walked around the table identifying each city quadrant. “It’s very similar.”

“Similar?” Viseryes chuckled at her unabashed honesty. She’d get along with his youngest daughter, that was certain.

“I didn’t mean to be rude.” Y/N quickly looked at Viserys and then averted her gaze. “Just that they have diagrams from all ages of the Empire and they all look different.”

“Ah, so we have a Valaryian expert in our midst.” Viserys went to place a hand on Aemond’s shoulder. “Perhaps the two of you can use your maps and make your own reconstructions.”

Aemond gleamed in excitement at his father. “You’d give us the materials?”

“Certainly,” Viserys agreed by patting his middle son on the back. He then began nudging the girls along to the door. “You can draw up your plans after supper.”

There was a chorus of disappointed acceptance.

“You are staying for supper, Y/N?” Viserys looked down at his little guest.

“I’ll text Harwin. He won’t mind. He hates cooking unless it’s on a grill.” Y/N rushed to send out another text to her guardian. Viserys found her amusing. Between her quickness and willingness to rough up a bully like Aegon, she reminded him of his Rhaenyra.

Alicent was setting the table. Daeron was strapped in his highchair. Aegon returned and taken his spot at the table. He was pouting and refused to make eye contact.

“Since the staff is off for the day, it isn’t anything posh.” Alicent’s way of apologizing for a normal meal. “I hope you’re not opposed to roast chicken and veggies.” They were from the high end grocery store. Alicent rarely cooked these days.

Y/N wasn’t sure if Alicent was addressing her, but then after a moment of silence everyone looked to Y/N for a response. “I like it. I haven’t had a meal like this in a while.”

Alicent hummed disapprovingly. “Well you’re welcome to join us anytime you fancy a well prepared meal.”

Aegon tried to hold back his laughter. He knew his mother bought the food. It was well prepared, if you considered store bought catering well prepared. The breathy chuckles ceased under Alicent’s withering glare of motherly scrutiny. Everyone else took their seats and began passing around dishes of food. Helaena and Aemond attempted to squabble over who sat next to Y/N. Alicent shut it down with a snap of her fingers and the point for Aemond to sit next to his elder brother.

Y/N ate her food in bites while observing Daeron play with his. She’d learned much from her time with little Joffrey, so she helped break apart chunks for Dearon to better manage. Alicent tried to wave her off, but Y/N enjoyed the feeling of responsibility. Eventually, Alicent accepted the opportunity to eat her food while it remained warm.

“I heard there was a bit of fuss at the park today.” Viserys had a solid countenance but there was a hint of mischief in his eyes.

“Husband.” Alicent warned. “I’ve already spoken with Aegon.”

The eldest boy sank further into his chair, but his father continued. “That’s good.” Viserys nodded along. “However, I’d like to hear what Aegon learned from the scuffle.”

Y/N was avoiding eye contact as much as Aegon. She didn’t regret her actions, but it felt weird to review them with Aegon’s parents.

“Go on.” Viserys insisted.

“I shouldn’t make jokes out of hurting others.” Aegon’s voice was low and harder to hear since he was talking to his dinner plate. “I don’t enjoy it when it happens to me.”

“Very good.” Viserys accepted that answer. Then he turned to Y/N who became nerve wracked under his attention. “Y/N I appreciate your kindness to my Helaena and Aemond, but next time don’t make the trouble maker ingest bits of the park. Getting a stomach ache after his embarrassment would be a tad too cruel.”

No one, least of all Y/N, expected blanket permission to lay hands on Aegon. The boy’s eyes rounded like saucers and he fixed himself on Y/N. She mimicked his wide eyed surprise.

“Viserys.” Alicent scolded. “Do not encourage improper behavior.”

Viserys simply smirked and went about eating his dinner. Aemond smirked as well. He enjoyed the looming threat over his brother’s shoulders. Helaena paid no mind to it all. She was preoccupied with all the things she wanted to do with her new friend.

After dinner, Y/N, Helaena, and Aemond attempted to catch fireflies in the backyard. They ran to their hearts content trying to get as many lights as they could in their jar. Once the sun fully set, Alicent called them back inside.

“Alright sweetlings, you’ve had your fun, but I think it’s time for Y/N to go. I’m sure Harwin is wondering where she is.” At least Alicent hoped he was, rather than dumping his duties to the girl in favor of time with his biological children. Aemond and Helaena let their disappointment be known.

“But mother,” Helaena pulled at Alicent’s hands. “Can’t Y/N stay the night? Please? She can text Harwin like she has before.”

Aemond chimed in next. “I don’t want her to go yet, mother.”

Alicent bit her lower lip in contemplation. It’d been a while since she’d seen her middle children pleasantly act their age. Then again, this was all becoming a hassle.

Viserys stepped into the room with his arm draped across Aegon’s shoulders. Obviously they just finished a lengthy conversation. “Oh let them have their fun dear. I’ll call Harwin and fill him in on the budding friendships. I’m sure he’ll happily oblige to give up Y/N for the night. Let the children build forts and watch movies like you used to put on for Rhaenyra when she was their age.”

Alicent immediately frowned at the mention of her past as Rhaenyra’s older companion. Viserys didn’t care to notice and the children were oblivious. The excitement of a fort and movies kept them occupied.

“She does not have pajamas nor her toiletries.” Alicent objected.

“Bah,” Viserys disregarded his wife’s concerns. “Let her borrow from Helaena. How particular can one be at eleven?”

Alicent let out a sigh. Though she was displeased by old memories, she knew when she’d lost a fight. Their happiness had grown too strong for Alicent to shatter now. She liked Y/N, truly, which helped ease her resolve.

“Very well.” Alicent directed the children to go prepare for bed. “Helaena, be a dear and share your clothes with Y/N. I know you’re not fond of others touching your things, but-”

“Okay.” Helaena was unexpectedly accepting of the favor. Normally, she’d throw a fit at anyone doing anything to her possessions. Alicent was taken aback. Odd behavior from her odd girl. Maybe the two canceled eachother out.

Helaena pulled Y/N along to her room to fuss over what they’d wear. Aemond dressed faster and began his idea of a fort in what was dubbed the ‘kids room.’ The air mattress was retrieved from one of the storage cubbies and inflated. He’d begun attempting to make a tent with spare sheets, but it was not going well. The girls joined in on the construction. Pillows appeared, a stuffed animal, couch cushions stolen, and someone had the inventive idea to use a hair tie to hold the sheet to a standing lamp; thereby accomplishing Aemend’s tent goal.

Popcorn and candy appeared at some point. Alicent dubbed fruit leather candy, but Viserys snuck in the real deal along with some sodas. First up was Dragon Training. They all made it through that. Aegon appeared sometime during the movie. Though embarrassed by the day's events, he didn’t want to miss out on the fun. Fantastic Mr. Fox was the second selection. As she grew tired, Helaena furthered the gap between her body and the others. She preferred her space when she slept and wasn’t a fan of snuggling. Aegon claimed Helaena’s previous position next to Y/N. Aemond didn’t move, but he eventually succumbed to sleep as well. That left Aegon and Y/N to share the remnants of popcorn and candy.

After working up the nerve, Y/N addressed Aegon. “I’m sorry I tackled you.” It was a rapid blurt of words, but the best she could do.

Aegon had his knees to his chest, back reclined against cushions, and his arms around his legs. “It’s okay. I had it coming.” Aegon gave Y/N a weak smile. “I’m just sorry you hate me now. I really wanted you to like me.”

Y/N blinked in confusion. She couldn’t align his actions to his motives. “You have a weird way of getting people to like you.”

“Yeah, well.” Aegon shrugged. “It didn’t work either way.”

“I don’t hate you.” Y/N insisted. She leaned back onto the cushions herself so she could be face to face with Aegon. “I just hated what you chose to do.”

“Clearly,” Aegon snorted. “You jumped me and made me eat dirt and an acorn.”

“Hey,” Y/N defended herself. “Even you admitted you had it coming.”

“And I’ll take that to my grave.” The pair giggled at Aegon’s pledge. “Can we be friends then?”

“So long as you can be friendly.”

“I make no promises I can’t keep.”

“Then I won’t promise that you’ll survive this friendship without a bruise.”

“That’s fair.”

The two adolescents fell asleep before the movie ended. They slept side by side, no qualms in sharing body heat. For the first time in over a month Y/N felt whole again. Sandwiched between Aegon and Aemond with Helaena present as well, felt right. She felt like she was home again. No nightmares or midnight crying fits. She felt safe, secure, and loved. It was the best night's sleep she’d have for a while.

….

Rhaenyra was concerned for Y/N. No she wasn’t her mother, but she’d come to view Y/N as one of her own. This was the first time one of her own was away from home. She read that it was a good thing, Y/N not calling. If she were to call several times in one day, that meant she wasn’t adjusting well. Y/N of all people knew how to adjust. Also, rooming with Helaena was as familiar as breathing air to Y/N.

Still, Rhaenyra wanted an excuse to call her girl. Harwin came up with the idea of sending care packages. He’d received it from Y/N’s paternal grandmother, with her father, back when she was alive and they were in college. They never failed to brighten his day. He always made sure to call and express his thanks. It didn’t matter if he liked everything in it because someone took the time to think about him and what he might like. That meant more.

So there they were, in a general store, debating what candle Y/N would like more: coffee at dawn or imperial love. Weird names, but both smelled fantastic. They’d already picked up a few of the girl’s favorite snacks and some hair accessories. Someone rounded the corner with their cart. Rhaenyra paid no attention, going to move her cart to the side out of courtesy, but then she looked up.

Alicent seemed to have the same idea. Her cart was stacked with a variety of odds and ends a freshly independent college girl might need. Alicent couldn’t help but to smirk in that knowing, slanted smile.

“Great minds think alike.” Was her greeting.

“It seems so.” Rhaenyra acknowledged.

“Alicent.” Harwin nodded with a simple smile. He wasn’t fond of the woman, but she was forever in their lives and he preferred to be cordial when possible.

“Well, let’s compare our selections. If we send multiple of the same thing, it could overwhelm them.” Alicent went to sort her cart into an accountable state.

“Them?” Rhaenyra questioned. “You’re sending Y/N things as well?”

“Yes, I’m shopping for Aegon, Helaena, and Y/N. The latter live together and she might as well be the family’s bonus daughter.” Alicent shrugged as she thought it was obvious. She’d never leave Y/N out.

Rhaenyra grumbled under her breath, so Harwin spoke up. “I thought the girls should have a small handyman kit for repairs and small constructions. Lords knows Y/N and Helaena could pay for something to be put together or fixed, but you know how stubborn Y/N is with her independence.”

“Yes.” Alicent chuckled. “That she is. It’s a lovely idea. You’re caring, but not overstepping by giving her what she needs to live how she wants.”

Rhaenyra placed a hand to her chest in silent shock. Who was this person and what did they do with the Alicent they knew?

Harwin gave a quick peck to his wife’s forehead. “I’ll go see what I can find.” Avoiding Rhaenyra’s pleading eyes, ones that’d catch him before he could get away, he rounded the end of the aisle.

Rhaenyra cleared her throat. “I don’t know about sending Y/N two care packages. She appears to enjoy her newfound distance.”

“Really?” Alicent cocked her head. “On the phone with Helaena she was quite open about missing the boys and the bustling of the family being together.”

Rhaenyra gawked, mouth open in shock. “She calls you?”

Alicent nodded along, concerned with Rhaenyra’s surprise. “Not nearly as often as she just happens to be present when I talk to Helaena, but yes she has.”

“She’ll call us about once evry other week.” Rhaeynera revealed in amazement. 

Cautiously, Alicent explained her perceived reasoning. “She’s… more open, lighter since I made my amends with her.”

This was not how Rhaenyra expected her impromptu shopping trip to go. “Amends? What amends?”

Alicent sighed. She left the front of her cart and stepped into Rhaenyra’s space so she could be heard with a hushed voice. “After the recent holiday… debacle, I realized that I’d become someone I didn’t like. I’d, I’d hurt those whom I care about the most. So I started therapy.”

Rhaeynra’s eyes went impossibly wide and she squeeked trying to find her words. Alicent held up both hands to convince Rhaeynra to keep her initial response to herself. “Don’t be so shocked. Your words helped me find my direction.”

Rhaenyra couldn’t shake the idea of Alicent on a shrink’s couch. What an odyssey they had to unpack. Then again, Alicent was more tolerable of late. “So Y/N?” She tried to center the mess she waded into.

“I’ve made so many mistakes as a mother.” Alicent looked down to her nails, she was scratching at the skin around them. An old nervous habit that resurfaced. “I’m working to fix those. Y/N may not be mine, but she’s a good place to start. I apologize for the turmoil I caused when you and Leanor separated, and how I let her down.”

Rhaenyra went visibly rigid with the mention of her divorce. She’d grown past it, but every once in a while she’d remember how hurt her boys were and her anger would rise.

“And I know I owe you rectification too.” Alicent tried to jump in front of Rhaenyra’s racing thoughts. “But about Y/N… she eased when I took accountability for the pain I caused her.”

Alicent continued to gaze, lips curled inward like there was more she wanted to say. Rhaenyra crossed her arms, irritaed. “You point is?”

“I don’t know for certain.” Alicent was hesitant. “And I’m certainly not placing any blame on anyone, but I think she might be holding onto the pain she felt when she found you… in that way.”

Rhaenyra scoffed. “You can’t be serious.”

Alicent innocently shrugged. “Like I said, I can’t say anything for certain and I’m not trying to place blame or open old wounds. All I know is that she withdrawals whenever Leanor is brought up.”

Rhaenyra was over this Alicent. She could change, but the feelings she stirred hadn’t. Rhaenyra went to steer her cart away from this conversation. “Hm, well thank you for the information to consider.”

Alicent stepped in front of Rhaenyra’s cart, preventing her from moving. “Wait.” She placed her hands, holding the cart back. “I know I can’t unwind the years of distress I’ve brought on you, but maybe we can at least appear united, for the children.”

Rhaenyra exhales the energy she’d held throughout this interaction. She looked everywhere but Alicent. Anything to get her out of this conversation. Her phone buzzed and she thought that was her ticket out. When she clicked on her phone screen, it was a photo memory of her and Y/N together, the boys running in the background. She missed Y/N’s closeness.

Rhaenyra held her eyes closed for a moment. When she opened them, she gave into Alicent’s suggestion. “For the children.”

….

Helaena and Y/N were on their way back from the campus post office. Though they had cars and ample funds in their checking accounts, Alicent, Rhaenyra, and Harwin regularly sent care packages. At some point, the elder adults confused the one hour drive across the city to a ten hour time zone difference. Last week it was enough snacks and cold medicine to survive another Long Night. They were unsure what to expect this go round.

Each held a box in their hand as Helaena went to fetch her key card. For freshmen, they had one of the largest dorms on campus. They only needed to share a common space and a bathroom. They had their own bedrooms with walk in closets. Baela and Rheana had the same accommodations down the hall. Targaryen perks. The lights were off and the entry room was as dark as they had left it. Walking with familiarity, the girls placed their boxes down on the kitchen counter and flipped on a light. 

The light illuminated the majority of the common space. There on the couch sat Aegon, scrolling on his phone with a collection of snack wrappers. Helaena jumped and let out a shout at the unexpected visitor. Y/N rolled her eyes and threw a roll of paper towels at Aegon in annoyance.

“Thank you.” He said as the roll smacked into his chest. “My apartment ran out days ago.”

“How the hell did you even get in here?” Y/N demanded. Now she went to swipe the paper towels back since he wanted them. He shoved it between his body and the couch cushion.

“I have my ways.” He was sly and silver tongued. Neither girl doubted that they could change the keypad, add a lock, purchase a camera and he’d still manage to find a way in. 

“What do you want, Aegon?” Helaena sighed. She’d rather focus her energy on getting him out than finding how he got in.

“Can’t I visit my sweet sister and the prettiest pain in my ass.” Aegon mused. He was throwing M&Ms at Y/N, trying to land one down her shirt.

Y/N swatted him with a decorative pillow. “You’re such an ass.”

“And you get the better packages.” Aegon grabbed the pillow and held it against himself to prevent further assault.

Helaena hummed in a sweet tune. “If you called more or simply replied to a text, they’d send you more.”

“So they could pry further into my life or bore me to death with theirs? No thank you.” Aegon stood and went to look through this week's delivery. “I’d rather shop from what they send you.”

“That’s right, you’re a rideless urchin who relies on our handouts.” Y/N snatched her box away before Aegon could rifle through it.

“Yes, so you better start stockpiling now because I fully expect my every whim to be catered to when we’re stuck together this summer.”

“Ha! But I won’t be.”

“How so? You’ve yet to avoid me thus far and this will be our ninth summer together.”

“Oh, you didn’t hear.” Y/N delighted in busting his fun. “Leanor and Qarl bought the house next door so the pool house is free again, and as the only girl I got first dibs. So I’ll be camping out there while you have to sit through Alicent’s eat, pray, love slideshow tell all.”

Aegon scoffed. “You’ll make an appearance at some point. You’re like an infestation. No matter what toxic chemical is used, you always find a reason to reappear.”

“Nope, not this time.” Y/N pursed her lips together in a violently satisfied smile. “My only reason to be within a one-thousand foot perimeter of that house is Helaena and she’s welcome to camp out with me.”

Aegon looked to his sister for an explanation. “She’s still mad at Aemond.”

Aegon’s brows rose in surprise.  “Still? I thought you got over that months ago.”

Helaena let out a scoffing chuckle. “That wine must have kept you warm the entire holiday,  because the rest of us felt their icy chill all Yule.”

“I’ll get over it when he grows a pair and apologizes. And he learns to stop interfering with my life!” Y/N was pointing a finger to her chest, poking it, caught up in her anger.

“Damn!” Aegon’s lips downturned in a suggestive pout. “Fuck him then. I’m happy to make him miserable for you.” A devilish hint of glee hid within Aegon.

Y/N retrieved a bag of candy from Aegon’s clutches. “Like you need an excuse.”

Aegon shrugged and pocketed another when she wasn’t looking. “Offer still stands.”

A/N 2: This was such a cute chapter to write. I tried to keep their vocabulary and actions age appropriate. It required a lot of reflection on my childhood. Ages 10-13 you're caught between what you loved from your earlier years and society telling you it's time to mature your interests. So you're stuck in this weird limbo. You want to run around the playground and play pretend but you're supposed to be cooler than that. IDK, maybe that was just me.

Also, don't come for me for what the Valaryian gods have deminion over. It's not my fault the Targs couldn't remember other dragon names. I consulted the Wiki btw. So take it up with them.

I love writing Alicent. Like yeah she can be a shitty mom, but I wish my mom had been shitty in the way modern!Alicent is shitty.

Lastly, this chapter is no where near the last time we see the gang as children. Y'all will be fed.

Next Chapter

[loopyarts]

Here’s a sketchy drawing and a two panel comic that I did back in late January this year of an Au idea concept inspired by @crate-of-edges fic idea concept of them being turned into little kids with no memory of themselves as adults post and this is my Au idea and take on the concept idea of what if somehow Sanji brothers got cursed/de-age 10 years back to being 11-12 year old boys and now Sanji and Strawhats have to deal with them while also trying to find a way to reverse the curse/de-age effect inflicted upon them.

In this state, Sanji brothers are weaker because one they’re kids again and two their bodies can’t handle they own powers right now and they also seems to have a bit of memory loss at the moment but will regain them as time goes on. Yup, Sanji is basically having to babysit his brothers and play big brother to them, the only one that feels natural to him is Yonji because Yonji is his actual baby brother.

While with Ichiji, Sanji strangely finds that he starts to look after now as well and despite his age he acts like he’s 15-16 rather than a 11-12 year old boy although he does have his bratty and prideful moments and Sanji slowly starts to lose his mind whenever Ichiji decide to wonder off on his own or weirdly enough go fish diving.

Sanji feels like he has no idea what is going on in his older brother head and it doesn’t help that he also rarely talks which is fun but as time goes Ichiji began to open up more and more to Sanji to where he’s finds out that this Sanji is actually his little failure of a brother Sanji.

Niji is well Sanji living hell, an absolute brat of all brats. But as times go on Niji starts to respect Sanji and they both bond through kick combo training together and Sanji share some of his techniques to Niji to which the little gremlin absorbed like a sponge.

Also Niji a nightmare when it comes to food to point he refuses to eat what Sanji gives him, since he didn’t trust him yet. When Sanji does get Niji to try his dishes, he eats them up like no tomorrow and surprisingly asks for seconds. Niji also grows the closest to Sanji to where he wants to protect him and look after him just as much, that need to protect Sanji.

Which grew even more when he found out, this Sanji is his little brother Sanji.

Yonji is at first is very spoiled and entailed little chestnut, who acts like snot nosed brat to Sanji and constantly calls him stinky fish man. But Yonji bonded with Sanji the quickest and he loved that Sanji acknowledges his book-smarts and especially loves talking to Sanji friend Robin about the books and world, although he does get annoyed how Sanji treats like a little kid all the time.

When Yonji finds out, he not all that surprised by it but he surprised by how strong his big brother has gotten and is confused why they all tiny while he’s not.

After a while they found a cure for curse and let just say the brothers have had an experience while they still part ways. They surprised felt connected and didn’t let go of that experience they had together despite how odd it was for Sanji brothers to go through.

The comic kinda explains partly on how the boys got de aged. But to give a further more in depth rundown basically it takes place after Wano and they somehow encounter each other on another island before Egghead. The reasons the Sanji’s brothers are there is because they have a mission they carrying out which involves the person who cursed them to be 10 years younger. Who has been causing an uproar in town on the island due to their mending with age.

Basically they find her she kinda like a witch with feathered hat leak stick and has giant bag where she keeps her bottles and has the power to take memories and age take away or give age to a person and seal in a bottle.

Blah blah Sanji and his brothers start fighting and arguing giving her loads of time to quickly curse Sanji brothers and take away 10 years of age and memories away making them 11-12 year old kids again. Sanji was too shock to realise she escaped and went into hiding on another part of the island. Now Sanji is stuck looking after his de-age brothers along with strawhat crew and they now begin the journey of finding the age witch and reversing the curse done on his brothers.

Ichiji, Niji and Yonji basically got magic poofed into being kids again like an old fariytale. Also the time Witch thought it be funny because how childish they were all being and with how awful they being to Sanji, she decided to punish them and she hoping Sanji will give them a taste of they own medicine.

Also, Ichiji, Niji and Yonji will slowly regain parts of their memories as adults as they slowly put the pieces that this stranger is actually their twin brother Sanji. That’s all I got in my head for plot I basically was making it up as I draw the comics amd drawings for fun. OvO’

There a scene with Ichiji putting blanket on Sanji happens way later in the story in my head and it he also confirming to reader that he now knows that adult Sanji is his little brother and yes Ichiji will be first to figure it out because he a sharp cookie. Niji will figure it out last because he’s stubborn and take a bit longer to put two and two together. (Hint, hint I have a full oneshot comic based this idea that be posted soon hopefully. OvO’)

Oh I almost forgot to mention in my mind and headcanons Ichiji powers can hurt him outside of the raid suit. So if he uses his sparks as a child he will hurt himself despite not being as powerful he can still inflict damage onto himself. Also my version of Niji has low vision and cannot see very well without his goggles.

Anyway, that’s all my rambling on this idea. I will probably won’t do much more with this Au idea after I have finished doing that oneshot comic.

[goblinsofdiscord]

The Enneagram Explained ⚔️ Defence Mechanisms & Self-Sabotaging Behaviors 💣🔪

By Larissa

(This is an excerpt from a workshop I taught in 2023) If you want the accompanying "Unf*ck Yourself" mini workshop + pdf workbook join the membership and get it instantly. I apologize for how dry and cringe the names/descriptions are.

To watch/listen instead:

One of the main ways you can stop operating out of autopilot, quit the shit patterns and actually get what you want is by:

Being with the discomfort of not operating out of your personality trap + shadow (being conscious, making different choices, regulating your nervous system in the moment with breath, tapping, affirmations).

Integrating the opposite of your personality's "belief" (the shadow).

This sounds simple but it actually requires a considerable amount of bravery and determination. Which is why most people who learn the Enneagram don’t actually use it for self-growth. Because it’s more fun to chit chat about and study than to actually apply to our own lives.

The personality’s belief structure creates behaviors and defense mechanisms. These beliefs and behaviors create the shadow. 

The defense mechanisms come from Freud's psychoanalytic theories and have been correlated to Enneagram theory by multiple sources and evolved over time with other people's ideas (Fritz Perls, Oscar Ichazo, Helen Palmer, Naranjo, etc). I won’t be getting into any of that, I’m just going to apply them in how I see them as useful. I’ve also added behaviors that I notice in each of the types.

I’m not sharing these to shame anyone or be judgmental, because we’re ALL doing at least one, if not three or more of these patterns. I’m using the Enneagram as a framework to show you how to spot patterns, unuseful beliefs and shadow at a much quicker pace than if you’re just doing it from just generic journaling prompts or waiting for something to “happen” before you address it. This way you have a pathway to start looking at the problems before your life goes to total shit. 

Each type’s flawed belief (“If I am not ___ I don’t exist /I am not me/I am not safe”) manifests itself through behaviors and actions. 

This process is unconscious. Even if you were aware that you were doing some of this stuff, it’s not your fault. It’s what we were programmed to do. But by integrating our shadow and coming into acceptance and wholeness we get to make better choices, think supportive thoughts, feel better, more useful and aligned feelings. And you can also catch yourself in the act and check yourself before you wreck yourself.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 1 - “DADDY”

1’s prefer to see themselves as being conscientious and above the degenerate riff raff. They’re proper, correct and in integrity, therefore they cannot see themselves as lazy, foolish, wrong, messy or "bad.” Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow. 

1’s avoid outwardly expressing anger to remain “objective” and in control. Because expressing “anger” is “bad.” To be imperfect, incompetent, wrong or out-of-control is death to the 1. This mechanism reinforces the 1's ego because it assures them that they are right, proper, perfect, and correct. Therefore, their survival and identity continues. However, because the 1 is an anger/gut type, they’re constantly churning irritation factories.

If the 1 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 1 utilizes “anger” they are unlikely to allow themselves to see themselves as incorrect, in the wrong, imperfect. 

How this manifests:

Reaction Formation: 1’s can express the opposite of their actual feelings and desires. They do this to reinforce their ego as “not being angry” (being perfect, right, correct, proper, good). Expressing anger is “bad” or what people who have no self-control do. 

Channeling unexpressed anger into physical activities - going hog wild on cleaning, obsessively exercising, restricting food/hedonistic delights, perfectionism fixations, taking a red pen to their life.

Criticality + judgmental concerns projected onto people around them, for their “own good.” To the 1 they’re being responsible, doing the right thing. 

Splitting: Seeing things in black and white under stress (this is good, this is evil). In super low health this can lead to extreme behaviors, like witch-hunting, finger-pointing, being the ‘voice of God’ / judge, jury and executioner.

Rationalization: 1's can rationalize to justify their self-righteousness. “This is the most correct, right, or efficient way to do the thing, therefore I am right and you are wrong.” If you don’t do what I say, it will be to your own detriment.

Hypocrisy: Projecting their own denied desires, feelings and even private behaviors by condemning the same desires, feelings and behaviors in others. They know the right way to be, and you are not being it. They can become preachy about whatever they take issue with, in order to unconsciously overcompensate for their secret bad behavior or naughty thoughts. This ties directly to Shadow Work, because 1's and 1-fixers can have a pungent Shadow full of all kinds of misdeeds and “dark” desires, but be totally blind to them while criticizing others for the same things.

Example: The anti-gay politician who is having an affair with a man, or the barbiturate-poppin' mom who wages a neighborhood campaign against drugs. 

OCD: Obsessively creating more order and rightness in their physical environment, relationships, or self. They can go into “perfecting” mode in order to feel in control of something they cannot control, where they exert order onto their surroundings and right wrongs (like becoming obsessed with cleanliness in their home or laying out ‘rules’ that others must follow). 

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 2 - “MOMMY”

2’s prefer to see themselves as being loving, nurturing, selfless, self-sacrificing, caring towards others, concerned and kind-hearted. Therefore they cannot see themselves as selfish, self-centered, giving to get, cold, heartless or "bad”. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow. 

2’s avoid feeling selfish or needy, by refusing to directly ask to get their needs met or receive what they truly wish from others. 2's unconsciously repress these needs and desires to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are self-sacrificing, needed, good and loving. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 2 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 2 utilizes “pride” they are unlikely to allow themselves to wallow or even acknowledge any wrongdoing or selfishness on their part. It’s the other person’s fault, the 2 is blameless.

How this manifests:

Repression: 2’s hide their needs and "selfish" desires from themselves in order to maintain their caring and indispensable self-image. They use Repression to AVOID feeling needy, unnecessary or rejected. Because of their type structure, they can't see how they are in need of anyone else's help or how they are anything other than self-sacrificing. They cover up these feelings with flattery, offers of help, being intrusive and overly nice. 

2’s prioritize others’ needs in the hopes someone will prioritize theirs. But then when that happens, the 2 goes into rejection mode and wants to get back into position as ‘the helper’ as that’s where their identity is invested.

The 2 projects their needs onto those around them by being overly helpful or intrusive. If they feel like they're not being appreciated or getting their needs met, they can move into covertly "punishing" behaviors to the person they keep giving to or subconsciously create situations in which the person might be forced to give back to them.

Example: The 2 wants help cleaning from their spouse, so over-cleans to the point where they become ill so that their partner is forced to pick up the slack or show them care for all of their self-sacrificing. This can also manifest in ways like them offering to do something and then making the other person wait to receive if they are feeling secretly resentful or not shown adequate appreciation or having their self-image adequately validated.

In low health, 2’s can use “Identification” to take on the needs and worries of those around them as if it’s theirs. They become fretful over other people’s problems. Anything that hurts their loved one hurts them. And it becomes covertly narcissistic, wherein they can make someone else’s suffering about themselves, but also their wins. “If it wasn’t for my help, they wouldn’t have accomplished that.” They can secretly (or not secretly) want undue credit for “help” they’ve provided (whether solicited or not).

2’s use “Reframing” in collaboration with “Repression.” They can reframe their intentions (to maintain a pride in their pure and loving intentions) and reframe others intentions too, lest it burst the sugar-coated bubble they’re desiring to live in or reflect back to them that they’re unwanted.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 3 - “SHAPESHIFTER”

3’s like to see themselves as impressive, competent, successful and admired or valued for what they do or are. Therefore they cannot see themselves as losers, failures, or less than others. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow. 

3’s avoid feeling like a failure or worthless by adapting to external ideals, competing, and striving. 3's unconsciously use “Identification” to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are valuable, worthy, admired and successful. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 3 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 3 utilizes “deceit” they are unlikely to allow themselves to own their failings or true feelings if it interferes with the image they’re projecting.

How this manifests:

3's use "Identification" as a defense mechanism, by unconsciously assimilating with the "other." They use this to avoid feeling like a failure. How this shows up is that they take on the traits, characteristics, attributes, aesthetics, preferences, values and mannerisms of important people in their life, groups, people they see as valuable and those they admire or envy. They do this to create an image of success (to themselves and/or others).

Denial/Projection: 3’s can blame others for their failures or what isn’t working for them, offloading image fails onto others to distance themselves from shame. Just like they can take on others traits/behaviors/stories, they can offload those same things onto others as well. 

Deception: This collection of traits is their "self image" and where their ego and self-worth resides, and because their external sources and what is valued may change, it can give 3's a shapeshifter quality depending on who or what they're surrounded by, what they value, what they do. Underneath this layer of shiny baubles is still a 'shame type' and so without this sometimes fragile self-image being upheld they are but a raw, shameful nerve. Because of this, they can lose contact with their own internal compass, needs, desires and their authentic self. They prioritize what gets them those positive hits and bolsters their ego/self-image. They can be totally asleep to this inner incongruence, and be deceiving themselves, especially in lower levels of health.

Numbing/Workaholism: 3’s can use numbing so they don’t get stuck in the emotional swamp and become unproductive. They can power down the “I’m a failure, I’m upset, I’m emotional” aspect and power up the drive to override emotional slop that might get in their way. They might override this with going hard into working around the clock, substances, shopping/spending a lot or doing something flashy to bolster their self-image. 

Competition: 3’s can get caught up in competition, using others as a stepping stone or a way to boost their own image by comparison (“see how much better of a job I’m doing than Ted.”) They might do this to the point where they end up chasing someone else’s dreams and totally shooting themselves in the foot.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 4 - “DISDAINFUL DEPRESSIVE”

4’s like to see themselves as separate, uniquely flawed, deep, and the special exception. Therefore they cannot see themselves as mundane, relatable, ordinary, adaptable, or even for many 4’s functional. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow. 

4’s avoid feeling mundane, ordinary, relatable, shallow, functional or happy. 4's unconsciously self-sabotage and focus on the negative and what’s frustrating, to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are deep, different, uniquely flawed and unlike anyone else. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 4 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 4 utilizes envy (what is missing) they are unlikely to allow themselves to see where they are functional, relatable, understandable or even happy. They subconsciously craft a self-image that rejects any "positive" information about themselves that comes into conflict with this existing "negative" image.

How this manifests:

Introjection: Introjection is presented as absorbing another person's identity or feelings (like a parent) and transferring it to themselves. However, it's more nuanced and specific than that for 4’s. 4's aren't just taking in any old information, they're unconsciously taking in evidence that they are broken, estranged, alien, fucked up and damaged - and this is great news to them. While the external world may be giving the 4 fuel, their experience has almost nothing to do with the outside world. The outside world is just serving to fuel the 4's internal narrative. The 4 weaves these evidentiary mementos into a story. They identify with specific negative traits that reinforce that they are separate, rare, deeply flawed so as to never quite be understood or capable of being happy and functional.

They do this unconsciously as a way to cope with the pain of feeling broken, unwanted, dysfunctional and different. They weave the negative narratives into their identity and shape it into a way that makes them feel in control of it, to project depth and meaning onto it vs someone or something outside of themselves creating their story and making it shallow. The more they associate into this negative state, the more dysfunctional they can become and the more it supports their type's ego structure. Without these narratives they feel naked and non-existant. Because their self-image is inherently negative, they are “positively” associated with being in a negative, frustrated, unsatisfied state.

Idealization: Idealizing people or situations as a way to generate feelings to pull the 4 away from the mundane reality/experience. This idealization is a frustration pattern designed to keep them in a loop of disappointment and longing because nothing will ever live up to what they hope, something will always be missing and the 4 can never truly actualize or be happy as a result. And if it is everything they’ve ever wanted, the 4 is likely to find something wrong anyway or create a problem where there is none.

As a result, the 4 might self-sabotage opportunities that would actually aid them in being functional, capable, happy, or get them what they claim they want. They may discard things, people, ideas, pursuits if they feel too easy, cheap, relatable, mundane. Or keep churning up issues and provocations that will lead to them being able to say, “see, I never get to have what I want.” Or “I knew no one would understand.”

Splitting: 4’s reject what’s “not me” and often find what’s not to their tastes or “not me” disgusting. Everything that’s not in the frustrated realm that the 4 approves of is superficial, shallow, ugly, vapid, horrible, etc. For the faceless masses, not the 4. Being at odds with reality helps reinforce their self-identity. I’m not like that, therefore I’m deep.

Because 4’s are usually creative or self-identify with the idea of being an artist/writer/creative, their tragically romantic, broken and disdainful views can be expressed through their art. They may overdo it in making it unpalatable or abstract. Or if they become popular they may self-sabotage their own success or self-image by being provocative, turning on their fans/the public, becoming moody, self-destructive or unpredictable. They’ll likely move away from what is expected or desired by their fanbase, even if they secretly desire an audience. Or maybe they’ll over-specify how they present themselves and shroud themselves in mystery in a way that others cannot easily relate to, they can only *bear witness.*

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 5 - “BRUNDLEFLY”

5’s like to see themselves as insightful, competent, self-sufficient, independent and objective. Therefore they cannot see themselves as emotional, human, helpless or dependent on others. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow. 

5’s avoid feeling dependent on others, helpless, depleted, or engulfed in the messy world. 5's unconsciously retreat inwards and withhold energy and information, detach, and compartmentalize to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are competent, objective, smarter than everyone else and above the mortal coil. 

Because the 5 utilizes avarice (hoarding inner resources) they are unlikely to allow themselves to allow themselves to be put in a position where they are “needed” for anything outside of the scope of their specific interest/competency focus, or entangle themselves with hot messes (people or situations). Of all the types, this is maybe the one that is least likely to give a shit if they have a shadow, tbh.

How this manifests:

Isolation: 5’s retreat and protect their inner sanctum from being invaded or picked clean by the outside world. They use isolation to avoid dependence on others or having to be interlaced with their chaotic whims and needs which may disrupt what the 5 would rather be doing with their time (some kind of mind pursuit). They may design their entire lives to protect themselves against intrusion.

Detachment: 5’s use detachment as a means to cope when they feel overwhelmed. They disconnect from and retreat from their own and others’ unstable feelings. In order to feel competent and safe and conserve their mental resources, they can cut all contact or need for the outside world.

They use ‘rejection’ methods of cutting off and compartmentalizing to ensure they’re not swallowed up in the messy ass human bullshit of this humdrum existence. This may show up as minimizing their needs (physical, relational, financial, emotional). They’re the most likely to live in some secret, off-grid tiny home. Not the one with all the gardens and crops and goats, but the one that has the bare minimum to survive where they can focus on their studies or whatever their mental obsession is, far away from other people. 

They can have totally hidden worlds within worlds that others know nothing about. Each world dangerously close to being lopped off at a moment’s notice if the 5 sees no use for it anymore. They dump all of their energy into their main pursuit because it’s where they feel “safe” and valuable, and so the outside world interfering with that feels like an attack on their very existence. By overdoing this one area of “competency” they can actually make themselves unable to actually be independent or functional. So to them they may seem overly competent, but to the outside world they may seem bizarre and dysfunctional.

5’s use compartmentalization of emotions, energy, and relationships. Separating their thoughts from feelings, and putting people into boxes to be dealt with or utilized instead of truly connected to. This can have a dehumanizing effect on the people around them who don’t want to only interact with the 5 when they have the inner resources or only interact with them on narrow and specific terms. By doing this, the 5 effectively shuts out having to deal with whatever they don’t want to but also hacks off pieces of their own heart, spirit, and humanity which is the only true place to create and mine for the insights and independence they seek.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 6 - “CITIZEN EMO”

6’s like to see themselves as loyal, hardworking, just a regular person, authentic, responsible, fair and connected to the family/community/tribe, etc. Therefore they cannot see themselves as bad, traitorous, pompous or “too good.” Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow. 

6’s avoid feeling unsafe, uncertain or abandoned in their attachments and support systems (physical, group, partner). 6's unconsciously seek security/safety (and dangers), truth (and lies) and support systems they can trust and rely on to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are accepted, part of the tribe, safe, secure, supported and prepared. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 6 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 6 utilizes “fear” (and anxiety) they are unlikely to allow themselves to relax, ease up, stop hunting for discrepancies or what could go wrong.

How this manifests:

Projection: 6’s project their worst fears and worst case intentions onto other people. They’re always sniffing out danger in the world and in their connections. Who’s being disloyal? Who’s up to no good? They can engage in investigative, gossipy behaviors, seeking out clues of their worst fears. Sometimes they project their own behaviors, feelings and thoughts onto others and then fear being blamed or accused (which leads to projecting).  

On the flipside, they can project idolization fantasies onto “experts”, simping people who they can put all their trust and outsource their thinking to. They do this to create certainty within themselves. 

Worst Case Scenario: Projections can also show up as “predictions” where the 6 may anticipate the worst and then by overfocusing on this negative outcome, they manifest it into reality. Their worst case scenario becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. (“See! I knew the basement was going to flood!” Or “See! I knew you’d cheat on me!”) This churning distrust has them always on the hunt, and never feeling safe. 

Splitting: Like other types they can see things in “black and white”, good or bad, you’re with me or against me. 6’s can be tribal and overly-identified to their “side” - whether that’s ideologically, politically, religiously or just in their general friend groups.

Outsourcing anxiety: They can overdose on anxiety in order to reach equilibrium. They project their internal anxieties into the outside world in the hopes that someone else will solve the problem for them. Like constantly bringing people’s attention to the negative or what could go wrong. They cannot rest until someone else validates and matches their concern. They want help to deal with the problem (real or imagined) and for someone else to assuage their fears. 

Redirect overwhelming fears from one source onto another source that they feel is easier to manage (like a loved one, peer, boss).

Rebellion: 6’s can get anti-authoritarian when their trust is broken, they’re disappointed, or they engage in “splitting.” They can be mega social justice warriors and fight for what is “right”, but in doing so they can totally lose perspective and go so hard in fighting for justice that they actually become the bad guy.

6’s can also be hypochondriacs with their anxiety. Excessive worrying, creating symptoms and scenarios out of the ether. They can circle the drain, fixating on problem after potential problem. They can literally bring forth a potential health catastrophe into reality with constant focus on it. This paranoia can manifest in many ways, but sometimes they’re right!

Self-deprecation: They also may use self-deprecation or humor, or presenting as an “underdog” as a way to deflect being targeted or being seen as too big for their britches. They can project this onto other with a ‘tall poppies’ or ‘crabs in the bucket’ mentality.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 7 - “MAD HATTER HEDONIST”

7’s like to see themselves as interesting, exciting, innovative, individualistic, creative and fun. Therefore they cannot see themselves as boring, normal, part of the grind or a downer. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow. 

7’s avoid feeling trapped, limited, stifled, cut off and bored. 7's unconsciously seek new, interesting people/things/situations/interests to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are fascinating, buoyant, original and compelling creatures. Therefore their survival continues.

Because the 7 utilizes “gluttony” they are unlikely to allow themselves to stagnate for too long, moving onto the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.

How this manifests:

Rationalization: Which means the 7 can subconsciously (or consciously) rationalize away shitty behaviors and dodge responsibility. They are usually averse to their specific flavours of what is “painful” and will reframe reframe reframe themselves up up up and away from whatever that source of “pain” is. Whether it’s the guilt of doing something awful, or the fall-out of saying something flippantly, or the consequences of a thoughtless action. They’re especially prone to rationalizing if making the pain conscious means they’re not able to do, be or have something they desire. 

Distraction: They go into distraction seeking mode via hedonism, intellectual stimulation, adventures, extreme sports, partying, being totally manic and creating for 3 days straight, shopping, etc when they want to avoid discomfort, pain, boredom.

Repression: They use repression to bury negative emotions (in whatever flavour they despise) and push away anything that makes them feel like they’ve been victimized. 7’s can be emotional and melodramatic but it’s in the flavour they find the most interesting. They’re not here to be a boring victim or cry themselves to sleep every night over a loser.

Anticipation/Planning: They can over idealize an outcome to the point where they are more about getting the dopamine hits off anticipation than actually doing the thing or seeing whatever their harebrained scheme is through to completion.

Entitlement: 7’s can be massive brats about getting what they want. As frustration types they’re often focused on what they don’t have and what they want, but because they’re assertive they’re more likely to chase after it, expect it to be given to them, or push people out of the way to get it.

Pleasure-seeking/Hedonism: 7’s reject that which is not pleasurable because there’s nothing in it for them. When 7’s get into this “thank you, next” pattern it can become impossible for them to actualize or stick to something long enough for them to enjoy the fruits of all their initial excitement. The sparkle fades and there’s nothing tasty for the 7 to stick around and lick, so they’re likely to start looking for something else.

Rebellion: Like 6’s, 7’s can also be rebellious, but their reasons for rebelling are likely centered around freedom (literally or freedom of expression), anti-censorship, pro-individuality/individual choice. They can also just rebel for the hell of it if they’re bored, or if there are hot people associated with a cause.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 8 - “FINAL BOSS”

8’s like to see themselves as powerful, invulnerable, independent, intimidating IDGAF leaders. Therefore they cannot see themselves as weak, under someone else’s heel, being controlled, powerless or soft. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow. 

8’s avoid feeling weak, vulnerable, powerless, small or allowing anything to threaten them. 8's unconsciously deny vulnerabilities and weaknesses to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are indeed powerful and no one can or will fuck with them. Therefore their survival continues.

Because the 8 utilizes “lust” they are unlikely to allow themselves to put themselves in a position where they could be steamrolled, deprived, slowed down or made small or powerless.

How this manifests:

Denial: 8’s use “Denial” by rejecting their own vulnerabilities or weaknesses. This can show up as denying emotions, fears, thoughts that don’t serve the 8’s ego identification of being powerful. They can also completely deny the existence of any perceived weak points that an “enemy” could use against them. If possible, they will lop off anyone or anything that causes them agitation (people, situations) or seems like a threat to their inner or outer sanctuary that they’ve created.

Rejection/Coldness: They can view softness and receptivity as death. If they weaken for a moment, they’ll get screwed over or tricked.

Reaction Formation: 8’s can express the opposite of how they feel. So they can feel really hurt but act like they’re emotionally impervious. You have no effect on the 8. You don’t matter. If you’ve wounded their steel heart, you’ll pay the price. Like the 7 they can deny victimhood, but they might personally feel quite slighted and seek revenge to get the ball back in their court, the power back in their hands, for how the person made them feel.

Aggression/assertiveness: 8’s can take up space and project an air of confidence in order to pre-defend against would-be attacks. Showing up with big bear or chaos demon energy ensures no one will fuck with them and that they’ll get what they want. Therefore they can be domineering, bossy, straight-shooters. My way or the highway.

Control/conquering: 8’s can be hyper controlling and even paranoid, depending on their position and the situation. They can take on the role of puppetmaster or dictator, to ensure things happen according to their plan and they’re not at the whims of someone else or underneath someone else’s thumb.

Justification: 8’s can be impulsive with their anger and feeling absolutely justified. The desired effect can be to crush whatever is pissing them off with their brutality and force.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 9 - “SOOTHING SQUISH”

9’s like to see themselves as chill, empathetic, caring, supportive and deep. Therefore they cannot see themselves as provocative, disruptive, thoughtless, aggressive or selfish. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow. 

9’s avoid feeling in conflict and stressed out. 9's unconsciously seek to be in harmony and flow with those around them and their environment to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are chill, harmonious and connected.

If the 9 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 9 utilizes “sloth” they are unlikely to allow themselves to just get after it, make demands, make bold moves.

How this manifests:

Narcotization/Dissociation: 9’s use narcotization which means to numb, to ease discomfort. This can manifest in multiple ways, falling asleep at the wheel of life - outsourcing decisions, independence, physical needs, to others. It can also show up as losing yourself in mindless side-tasks instead of just dealing with problems. They can dissociate from problems by numbing their heart and mind to what’s in front of them, or to just hope it resolves itself without any involvement or disruption to the 9’s existence.

9’s repress their anger in favor of keeping peace. They can be really annoyed and not able to verbalize it until it reaches a crisis point for the 9. The other person may be totally shocked when it happens, especially if the 9 kept telling them that everything was fine.

Passive Aggression: 9’s express how they feel indirectly and hoping the person picks up on their subtle cues without them having to generate conflict. This can also just slip out subconsciously through offhand comments, looks, tone or behaviors. And when confronted with it, they’ll likely recede into a mist and say nothing’s wrong.

9’s can also use “positive reframing”, not unlike 7, but theirs is more used as a numbing agent, smoothing out a dire situation or other people’s malintent, rudeness, or shitty behavior so it doesn’t result in conflict or upset.

Outsourcing: 9’s often give their power away, instead of asking for what they want or expressing themselves without being prompted. They can become disappointed when others fail to mind-read or intuit their needs without them having to assert themselves or vocalize it.

Self-Forgetting: Because 9’s can dance around their location in order to keep the peace and not lose connection, they can forget what they want or how they really feel about something.

Merging: Like 3’s, 9’s merge with the people around them, often taking on their interests, aesthetics, values and even mannerisms. However the 9 isn’t doing it to become an ideal and compete for validation, they do it because they over-identify with the idealized other to create harmony and melt into them.

7’s and 9’s can both procrastinate and get lost in multiple fantasies of possibilities, but the difference is that the 7 is likely taking an active, assertive approach and throwing spaghetti at the wall, whereas the 9’s dreams can fade away if they don’t have another person holding them accountable or a job to show up for or something external. 

Ghosting: Instead of just saying “no,” often 9’s will be vague or give a “maybe” or “sure” if they don’t know their location in the moment or don’t want to rock the boat. And then they’ll disappear when followed up with.  

SELF-REFLECTION PROMPTS (FOR JOURNALING)

Did you cringe at any of the behaviors listed? did you recognize any of these in yourself?

write out which ones you recognized. no judgment. it's not "you", it's just behaviors Created out of your personality's false belief. Unpack them. go back to the situation. what were you feeling at the time? what was running through your mind?

What did you need to know in that moment to feel totally safe and make a different choice?

What different choice can you make next time?

What would be the worst thing someone could say about you or make you feel? 

Is there anything in your life that you can see as you trying to avoid this being said about you, control people's perceptions, or avoiding feeling?

Can you accept this behavior in yourself right now, forgive yourself, and choose to be more consciously aware?

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[wannabepapa]

I see you’ve been reboggling a lot of old asks from me which has also gotten my brain juice flowin like

Lately I’ve been thinking about roommates who bond over a pregnancy. A one night stand or a surrogacy, doesn’t really matter, all we care about are the roomies who are now stuck in this fun situation of finding a new groove. Bonus points if the pregnant one gets big and uncomfy quick, leading to far far more late night rendezvouses.

The way I picture it, it starts with your typical incredibly awkward “I gotta come clean about something” scenario, with roomie B expecting a broken appliance or a forgetting power bill, but certainly not a pregnancy! Then as roomie A grows, they get needy, which sends roomie B into overdrive. Late night pizza runs become a regular occurrence, waking up way too early to hold their roommates hair, sitting up at night cause roomie A thinks they felt a kick and wants witnesses.

Then break happens, they go home, and when roomie A comes back they’re HUGE, which changes everything. Suddenly they need so much more to be comfy, and roomie B begins to realize just how much they like being there for their pal. They spend all afternoon at school just to come home and both collapse into the same twin bed, using the other bedroom as storage because who needs it? Sharing is caring after all. Roomie B is there to hold roomie A when they’re sobbing at a ghibli film or some advertisement about sad animals, they’re there to help with anything academic or physical, they’re driving their expectant buddy to and from appointments now that they’ve outgrown the drivers seat.

Bajshxjhshxhs it is 5 am and this ask is ridiculously long winded but I am tired and sappy and obsessed with this idea and thought you’d like it okie bye

uh hello???????? you have left this beauty of an ask in my inbox?????? Marin i am kissing your forehead right now.

roommate B has had nothing but terrible experiences with past roommates so when A comes to confess something they brace themselves for a problem. it's expected, especially when A looks anxious and worried before spilling the secret. the last thing that B would have ever expected was to be living with someone who was going to have a baby. they don't hate babies but they never hung out with people who had children of their own. it was going to be a learning curve to say the least.

the roommates were never close in the beginning, keeping to themselves as they had only recently roomed together but now they find themselves in each other's space. A has asked for help in the morning because the nausea makes it tough to function early in the morning so B is on kitchen duty. B tends to do a lot of the clean up now to give their roomie a break in the first trimester. it's only fair that someone does the bulk of the housework when A is creating a whole person over the course of nine months!

B is also in this weird "I'm not the parent of this child but I feel responsible for A and this child" state of mind that is confusing to them. they don't know why their brain has latched onto being the caretaker for a pregnant person but whatever A asks for, they get. A is feeling cold and wants to borrow a blanket? it's put in the dryer so it's extra warm. it's two am and they have an intense craving for pizza, but only the pizza at this shop that is an hour away? yeah just let B get dressed and get coffee in them before they take the drive. they don't want to be sitting alone at their doctor's appointment and want moral support? of course B will be driving them to and from every appointment now so they don't have to be alone. A meekly knocks on the bedroom door and says the baby needs a cuddle? get in under the covers and pick a movie! it's this perfectly platonic relationship that both just don't acknowledge but now all of their family and friends wonder if they're dating.

when they have to go home for their respective holidays there are definitely tears shed by A. it's seventy-five percent hormones and twenty-five percent not wanting to be away from B for weeks on end. they're ending their second trimester right now and terribly needy. the roomies have forgone sticking to each other's rooms to alternating every few days—it's become their routine. A also worries that something catastrophic will happen and B will force them to move out which B shuts down immediately. they're stuck with each other now whether they liked it or not. this comfortable thing the roomies have with each other is too precious to B for it to ever cross their mind to end it. A has become more than a friend, they've become a companion that has made their days more exciting ever since they got close. it isn't long after A is dropped off at the airport (with more tears shed) and B not even out of the parking structure that a text is sent that reads "we already miss you :c"

they talk every day of the break. A leaves no details of the crazy antics sprinkle (the baby has a thing for funfetti cake and B said they were probably a sprinkle now so it stuck) has been up to and complaining how cold it was where their family lives. they've sent many a selfie where they were hidden under piles of blankets or bundled up in multiple layers of warm clothes with a pouty lip and silly quip about how nobody does the dryer trick here like B does. it's too cute for B to handle. the weeks drag on for eternity to their dismay, their mind straying to how their gravid friend was doing.

to make matters worse A was stuck for an extra week due to a surprise blizzard that grounded all planes going in and out of the state. that was nearly a month apart and it drove B mad. too much time has been spent away from A and there was going to be hell to pay if this new flight would be canceled. if they were stuck any longer with their parents A wouldn't be cleared to fly, leaving them with no other choice but driving hours back down. B would have gone up there themselves to bring A back if it was necessary but to their happiness there were no cancelations and A was in route back home. B couldn't pick them up—work had switched schedules without asking—so they sent a friend to go to the airport for pick up. luckily A would already be home by the time B was off work so they wouldn't be alone in the house for long.

B never considered how fast someone grew in their final months of pregnancy. A's clothes still hide the bump before they left. now, walking into the apartment, B could do nothing except stare at their roommate. A hadn't grown, but popped in the last month since they were apart! there was an undeniable swell that tented A's shirt, their stance wider as they waddled to the door to greet B with a watery grin. the bump is pressed between them which makes it impossible to really hug while making it hard for B to not plaster their hands on the belly. the baby takes the opportune moment to shift between them as they were clearly unhappy about being squished. A chuckles at the movement but B is completely losing it.

after that they don't really stay apart for long. they're very, very close to one another at every second of the day just to revel in the fact that the baby will be born soon. A likes to complain about the pains from the movements of the nugget but they will actually miss it. B, however, has made it loud and clear how they'll miss being able to cuddle up with the belly and feel the nugget move. though both are equally excited to meet the little kicker that they've been waiting nearly ten months to hold.

[yarameijer]

Hello!! I just wanted to say i love your fics so much, when i first saw it in around 2022, i was amazed! Your writing style is so good, and it inspired me to be able to write fanfics aswell. I've gotta say, your fics are very interesting and entertaining! My most favorite fic of yours is probably Warped and Accidental Reverse. (I re-read those stories atleast 54 times i think?) Anyway, i was thinking if you had any headcanons for the Gryphon Trio? (Tsurugi, Tenma, Shindou) Also, if possible, DONT ABANDON ACCIDENTAL REVERSE PLZ🙏

Heyhey! Thank you for all the kind things you said <3 and good luck with your own fanfics!

Ohoho you don’t wanna know how many people asked for headcanons for these three and it took me ages because apparently I’m very bad at coming up with headcanons?? Who knew??

Tenma loves hugs

This means that when he gets excited he tries to tackle Tsurugi with hugs, and Tsurugi normally tries to evade him but every once in a while is caught off guard and then has to deal with octopus-Tenma

As time goes on Tsurugi starts accepting physical affection a bit more, but he's still a tsundere about it

It’s actually quite the normal sight for Tenma to hang off of Tsurgi if he gets the chance

Tenma’s less quick to hug Shindou, and for the first few months in their friendship, hugging Shindou is a very big no! in his mind because that’s his senpai, he can’t just hug him!

Over time the two of them grow more comfortable with each other and after talking out a pretty major argument (that I will be writing at some point) they hug for the first time, and get more comfortable doing so

Tenma’s still kinda shy about it tho so Shindou’s usually the instigator

Tenma is a bit more hesitant to tackle-hug Shindou than Tsurugi

Shindou is actually quite quick with giving minor physical affection! Usually shoulder touches during excitable moments, whether that’s after scoring a goal during a match or when one of his friends is upset - think light squeezes or just laying his hand on someone’s shoulder

They all live on different sides of Inazuma Town and the riverside soccer field is more or less in the middle of their houses, so if they want to meet up for soccer outside of school, that’s where they go

Usually when they hang out for non-soccer activities, they just agree to meet at the place they’re going

They like hanging out at Tenma’s place because Aki always has the best snacks, they like hanging out at Tsurugi’s place because his parents usually are working so they’ve got the place to themselves, and they don’t like hanging out at Shindou’s place because Tenma and Tsurugi feel very out of place

Despite that, Tsurugi and Tenma love listening to Shindou playing the piano

Shindou has the worst sleeping schedule out of all of them because he gets caught up in whatever he’s doing (reading a book, ridiculous research on whatever caught his attention this time, thinking up hissatsu techniques or strategies for the team, etc.) and Tenma and Tsurugi judge him for it

Tenma and Tsurugi had a lot of fun training for Fire Tornado Double Drive and end up continuing their hissatsu training together in their free time

They don’t tell anyone about it but Shindou figures it out when they keep coming to him for ‘’hypothetical’’ hissatsu questions

Tsurugi, every chance he gets, rubs in the fact that he’s the tallest out of the three of them

He bullies Tenma by raising his hand too high for high-fives or keeping things above his head out of his reach

He tries the same thing with Shindou, but every time Shindou just stares at him wordlessly, incredibly unimpressed, until he lowers his hand

In fact, Tsurugi is not that much taller than Shindou, but still the one time Shindou tried pulling the ‘’I’m older’’ card in an argument, he didn’t hesitate to play the ‘’then why are you so short’’ card and Shindou didn’t talk to him for two days

Shindou and Tsurugi also have this habit of high-fiving without looking (‘’because they think it makes them look cool’’ ‘’Tenma shut up’’) but one time they missed and Shindou slapped Tsurugi in the face by accident

It was during a match so it got caught on camera and every once in a while Tenma sends it in whatever group chat they’re all in (Earth Eleven, Raimon, etc.) to humble them

Tenma’s a lot quicker to tease them both in group chats than face-to-face

In person, Shindou is the one who teases the others the most, because their reactions are very funny

Tenma gets very shy and starts stuttering

Tsurugi tries to pretend it doesn’t bother him but he’s also very pale and it’s very easy to see when he turns red

For Tenma and Tsurugi both Shindou is (one of) their go-to person(s) for advice, although Tsurugi is a lot more quiet and subtle about it than Tenma

I’ll probably add to this later, because recently I’ve really been building these characters to my liking and I’m starting to notice that it’s easier to come up with this stuff once I’ve developed them more individually.

That being said, I should probably do headcanon lists for them individually!

[ctrl-alt-cel]

when i was 13 i wrote an essay explaining the rationale of puppyshipping to some guy in a skype chatroom. found the essay again. wanted to rewrite it. without further ado:

HERE’S HOW PUPPYSHIPPING CAN STILL WIN: THE SEQUEL: 2 PUPPY 2 SHIPPING (4.3k words)

⠀

kaiba and jounouchi’s relationship stands at an awkwardly undefinable place in canon: they're not on good terms, but they're not enemies either. they know each other too well to be called passing acquaintances, but kaiba hardly acknowledges jounouchi as a duelist, let alone a potential rival. at best? they're mutual nuisances.

or, that's how jounouchi and kaiba choose to define it. both of them would love if their dynamic were that simple, nothing more than a back-and-forth of petty insults—but that’s not the truth. and they'll dance around the truth for five whole seasons, purposefully downplaying why they’re so obsessed with provoking each other whenever they’re in the same place.

they're foils.

—but the term "foils" is so dulled within fandom lexicon now that it can mean literally anything from two guys who just disagree with each other sometimes, so i'll sharpen this further. jounouchi and kaiba see their counterpart less as an individual person but more a representation of who they could have become if they had respectively, in their eyes, never learned the lessons they needed to. they project their own ideals onto the other and come away thinking they already know how the other operates, and the fun thing is, even when working from conjecture, their assumptions of one another happen to hit far closer to home than they have any right to.

so really, they can't leave each other alone because they can't stop seeing their failures reflected back at them. the other is a defective version of themselves that they need to correct because they can't stand constantly acknowledging who they used to be, so they try to bend the other to be more like their own image—an "i can fix him (by dragging him down to my level)".

⠀

jounouchi and kaiba’s parallels run down to their origins, both set up against abysmal family situations they have no choice but to make the best of. seto and mokuba are orphaned at a young age until seto gets them adopted, while katsuya is separated from his sister and stuck with a deadbeat father who can't carry his own weight. trapped in an environment where nobody expects anything worthwhile from him, katsuya joins a gang and lives out a self-admittedly miserable existence before befriending yugi, while seto is in a battlefield of his own, faced with protecting mokuba while enduring against the nightmare that is gozaburo kaiba’s parenting.

what they do to survive those conditions determines the outlooks they carry for the rest of their lives: jounouchi learns that losing is inescapable and the best you can do is learn how to cope with it, whereas kaiba learns that losing is something you must protect yourself from because there's only so much you can afford to lose.

jounouchi is positioned as the underdog, fighting tooth-and-nail for every victory he can manage, while kaiba has power in excess and holds to the belief that it’s all he really needs. one would argue that they have the perspective the other lacks—they argue that they have the perspective the other lacks. but in my opinion? it doesn't actually matter. what interests me is how they treat each other as a result.

⠀

side: seto kaiba

kaiba degrades jounouchi a lot. like, to an uncomfortable extent. you know that one post that’s like “why does bullying exist? why are you mad that i’m ugly?” why is kaiba so mad over the fact that jounouchi loses so much?

it’s projection. he’s just holding jounouchi to the same standard he holds himself to. you need to be powerful if you want to play the same games as kaiba, and seeing jounouchi so openly lean on his friends, ask for help, and have the audacity to lose sets kaiba off because he’s not playing the way he’s supposed to. kaiba rubs jounouchi's losses in his face because he believes that's what loss is supposed to look like, and that it’s jounouchi’s fault for not understanding that yet. kaiba is trying to teach him. to kaiba, this degradation might as well be an act of generosity.

while kaiba stayed true to his own ambitions, seizing kaibacorp from gozaburo and turning it into a children's entertainment company, he beat gozaburo at his own game not by inventing new rules but by playing it better than his adoptive father ever could. and as impressive as that is, it’s not sustainable. gozaburo kills himself when faced with his own defeat, and kaiba internalizes this lesson: that all losses are final, and it’s better to die than adapt to the consequences of a defeat. gozaburo’s death was a suicide, but in the context of their game, kaiba might as well have killed him regardless.

he mirrors this when he threatens to kill himself in duelist kingdom, his heightened emotions catastrophizing losing the duel to immediately equal failing mokuba and coming to the conclusion that if he loses mokuba he’d rather be dead. being someone so fervently self-reliant, any alternate solution, a possibility that he can lose here and still find a different way to rescue mokuba never crosses his mind. and, look, this isn’t his fault. this is the only way of living he’s ever been taught. he’s never learned how to cope in the event of failure because he’s never had the luxury to fail to begin with.

he's burned and rebuilt himself over and over again to survive in the world he operates in, and that’s why jounouchi pisses kaiba off so personally. jounouchi loses so much and so messily, and kaiba tries to show him that if he doesn’t start reinventing himself from the broken pieces of his defeats until all that’s left of him are jagged edges the same way he has, he’s never going to win. but jounouchi…does win. and keeps winning. and even when he does lose, it’s as if he creates new victories for himself, like there’s still value to playing a game with someone when you don’t win it—power of friendship bullshit and whatever. jounouchi is still here, a competitor that kaiba can no longer write off as much as he desperately wants to. (and, yeah, it is pretty ironic how jounouchi will jump through a million hoops to get kaiba to look at him, but he doesn't realize that he doesn't need to do anything to keep kaiba’s attention, only continue being himself.)

jounouchi refuses to compromise who he is and still manages to get far when in kaiba’s mind, that shouldn’t be possible; he’s supposed to be punished the way kaiba was. jounouchi is proof that you can take a devastating blow and move on from it, that even when you do fuck up spectacularly, there’s still something worthwhile in starting again tomorrow.

so kaiba constantly needs to prove that he’s better than jounouchi, that jounouchi isn’t even worth his time in order to justify his worldview. because if kaiba isn’t right, then he'll have no choice but to confront the fact that the war is over. that his circumstances aren’t instant life or death anymore and that even though he’s freed himself from gozaburo’s influence, there’s still further growth as a person he could stand to undergo, now divorced from the harsh conditions of his upbringing. jounouchi is a testament to how it’s possible to make peace and move on from the past without constantly bleeding for closure, that maybe, kaiba’s headlong quest to get the last word on his rivalry with yami yugi may not actually be as fulfilling as he thinks.

but admitting that you might need to change the way you live feels like a defeat in and of itself—it’s infuriating to hear that after everything you’ve had to learn, the way you live now isn’t good enough. that surviving insurmountable trauma doesn’t inherently make you better or more worthy than other people—it just traumatizes you, and is something you must heal from. so, instead of reflecting on these revelations, it’s so much easier for kaiba to tell himself that jounouchi is only ever graceful when he’s dead.

⠀

side: katsuya jounouchi

jounouchi is very stuck on this idea that he needs to be useful. his dad is an alcoholic with a gambling addiction and he believes it's not only his duty to pay his father's debts, but to be the household's sole source of income. his sister needs eye surgery and he believes it's his responsibility as an older brother not only to pay for it, but to act as her primary emotional support to get the surgery and throughout her recovery process. haga throws yugi's exodia into the ocean and jounouchi blames himself for not stopping it. jounouchi gets mind-controlled by malik and blames himself for causing his friends anguish from it. mai literally gets jounounchi’s soul stolen and he apologizes to her for messing up and making her sad. it's habitual, jounouchi doesn't know how to stop taking on the burdens of other people.

if you live with the mentality that you’re inevitably going to fail for long enough, you’ll come away with the belief that caring about your own wellbeing isn’t worth the effort. it depends on how pessimistic you want to read it, if it’s just his love language or jounouchi compensating for the damning act of being himself, but jounouchi quantifies his worth by how much he provides for other people. he’s always jumping in the line of fire for the sake of others because if you constantly undervalue your own wellbeing, you always have less to lose. as the underdog, he may not be as overtly powerful as kaiba or yugi, but he can still give himself away, and he’s convinced himself that it’s what he’s supposed to do. jounouchi is still new to this whole friendship thing. after a lifetime of supporting himself by himself, he doesn't know when he's allowed to ask for help yet—he’s supposed to be the help, dammit.

a key distinction between jounouchi and kaiba’s upbringings is that while kaiba’s biological parents died in an accident, jounouchi’s parents are still alive and they choose not to be responsible for him. jounouchi is conditioned to fend for himself by himself because having a parental figure actually present in his life isn’t a luxury he gets to have. to jounouchi, there has to be a reason why his mother only takes shizuka and never goes back for him in the six years he’s left with his father, and he rationalizes this with his notions of masculinity: he’s a strong man who can handle it. jounouchi is not delicate, he can endure it. men are responsible for their own circumstances. kaiba is hyperindependent out of a mixture of spite, paranoia, and self-defense. jounouchi is hyperindependent because he believes he deserves it. it’s the reason why he believes he’ll finally have a good relationship with his father if he just wins enough money to pay off his gambling debts—jounouchi can fix everything if only he were man enough to, and he can get people to stay if he demonstrates himself useful enough.

so death doesn’t carry nearly as much weight to jounouchi as it does to kaiba. in kaiba’s eyes, death is the punishment for failure, but to jounouchi, death is just the natural consequence for the kind of life he leads. he can't stop himself from fighting for the people he loves until he’s spent everything and forced to stop (read: dies), so during the several times jounouchi is confronted with his own death, he meets it with a solemn acceptance. like, yeah, it sucks, but he doesn’t regret the actions he took to end up here—he’d do it all over again, frankly. it’s better to die than not give everything he can, and at least he was able to give his life in service to someone else. it’s not necessarily good to die, but it doesn’t matter as much if he does.

so where kaiba is afraid of losing, jounouchi is afraid of outliving his usefulness (and being abandoned as a result), and kaiba disrupts jounouchi’s worldview specifically because he puts his ideology on the defensive. to jounouchi, kaiba’s presence never demands a question of “what can you do for me?” (nothing, kaiba doesn’t want jounouchi to do anything for him, and frankly, he’d be insulted if jounouchi even tried) but “what makes you worthy of standing on the same level as me?”, and jounouchi can’t sacrificial lamb get set on fire die a billion times into getting kaiba into seeing it his way (rather, that would only prove him right: kaiba would love nothing more than for jounouchi to lose the ability to fight and finally align with his preconceived notions of how the world works), and he can’t argue that his value is in how much he provides for others because that’s a non-answer. kaiba doesn’t care.

kaiba’s presence forces jounouchi into a position of self-reflection: jounouchi works so hard to preserve the friendships he’s created, but who is he—what does he value about himself in the absence of it? jounouchi needs to acknowledge something inherently valuable about himself if he wants to counter kaiba in any meaningful way, and it’s not like he doesn’t have valuable qualities either: he’s tenacious, he’s resourceful, he’s a quick learner—it takes intelligence to rank as high as he does in tournaments, but he undervalues all of it. these traits are all to be expected, they don’t actually count as extraordinary when it’s him. they’re only remarkable when they’re being applied to something greater. jounouchi believes he has the potential to become strong (and valuable by extension), only with the stipulation that he’s never actually there yet. he focuses too much on his inadequacies, constantly pontificating on how he needs to become a “true duelist”, but by the way he speaks about the title, the only way to be a true duelist is be named yugi muto, i guess.

so it’s very jounouchi-esque for him to miss this point with near deliberate precision and try to make himself useful to kaiba anyway. while kaiba is bent on seeing jounouchi fail to prove that his cynicism is superior to jounouchi’s altruism, the inverse is that jounouchi sees his old self in kaiba and he’s dying to teach kaiba a lesson. during battle for bronze, jounouchi states that they used to be the same, people who only relied on themselves and thought they’d be fine living like that. the argument jounouchi makes is that living that way is fucking miserable. he calls kaiba out: you’re supposed to be having fun. why are you playing duel monsters if you’re not having fun? he’s trying to show kaiba that he can be useful and teach kaiba things if kaiba would just let him, but for reasons mentioned in both of their sections, kaiba isn’t interested in being taught anything.

while less malicious in display, it's important to note that jounouchi’s method of trying to teach kaiba doesn't make him the better person here. jounouchi isn’t coming from a place of understanding when he lectures kaiba, he’s coming from a place of misdirected self-flagellation. and from kaiba's perspective, jounouchi is just dispensing unwarranted advice for the sake of his own ego. the most egregious example is when jounouchi picks a fight with kaiba in duelist kingdom, demanding they duel when kaiba is clearly not in the mood, busy with more pressing matters like, i don’t know, trying to rescue his abducted brother? so, okay, maybe a little bit inconsiderate on jounouchi’s part.

they're two ideological extremes: kaiba lashes out at the world while jounouchi gives himself to it, and jounouchi will keep barging in on kaiba with his life lessons because it’s the only way he wants to engage with kaiba’s arguments otherwise. jounouchi interprets kaiba’s rejection of his ideals as the equivalent of the stubbornness jounouchi had before befriending yugi, and he uses it as a reason to keep pushing, not understanding that while he may have found the most honorable path for himself, you can imagine how constantly burning yourself for others isn’t very…appealing. or sustainable. and that maybe it’s something you need to work on, actually.

⠀

conclusion: how i WIN

what’s fun about jounouchi and kaiba is how wrong they are. they genuinely can't live the way the other demands them to, their respective environments won’t allow it. if jounouchi chased victory with the same cutthroat relentlessness as kaiba, he probably never would have left his gang. or, at least, he’d lose the selfless devotion and consideration he has for others, traits that helped him build his support system, and he never would have found the friendships he values in his life—his willingness to change and start again was how he was able to befriend yugi to begin with. (and if you wanted to get really extreme with hypotheticals, his self-destructive tendencies could have grown so severe in the absence of a support system that he probably would wind up getting himself killed somewhere. lol.) inversely, if kaiba granted himself the freedom to worry less about the outcome as long as he enjoyed himself, he’d put mokuba’s safety at constant risk. kaiba’s guarded nature isn’t without reason, there are powerful corporate executives who would love to see him fail, and there are very real consequences if kaiba slips up for even a second and gives his opposition any leeway. the way they live works for them because it’s theirs. it’s not so much that either of their lifestyles are in dire need of correction, but that the other represents the possibility that they could be living better.

and this is fantastic because it means that, despite what they think, neither of them are in the “wrong” and must learn to change their idiot ways or that the solution is to strong-arm each other into some kind of compromise. it’s a battle of perceived weakness. they need to, naturally and individually, accept that the traits they’ve always deemed immature and beneath them can be just as vital for survival, even when it’s not necessarily their own.

jounouchi and kaiba are essentially the most extreme example of two people who want what’s best for each other (gone wrong!) and puppyshipping is appealing because them getting together requires that they stop punishing themselves for who they used to be. they expect too much out of themselves and then inflict those demands onto each other, but if they’re not wrong for the ways they’ve overcome the circumstances they were left in, then it’s equally true that the ideals they abandoned to survive weren’t inherently naïve just because they weren’t given the space to utilize them. sometimes life will push you to your limits in the hope that you fail, and there’s no deeper meaning to it. it’s not life’s way of teaching you a necessary lesson to make you stronger or a test to see if you deserve to live, or that it’s your fault when it breaks you. sometimes there’s no great meaning to suffering. things happen, and you will adjust to it in order to live. when kaiba and jounouchi believe they know each other as much as they know themselves, pairing them is the hope that they’ll respect themselves enough to respect each other, that they’ll one day be able to embrace the parts of themselves they’re the most ashamed of.

(or, you know, for the alternative crowd, they most definitely can make each other worse.)

for two men who claim to be so self-assured in their own lifestyles, jounouchi and kaiba are fascinating because there’s so many layers of denial at play: the denial that they see anything in each other, denial that there may be aspects of the other that they’ve come to envy, denial that they even care, and it's so tempting to imagine if all of it was forced open. jounouchi and kaiba choose to maintain this delicate equilibrium where they never actually confront anything because the idea of admitting vulnerability viscerally disgusts them, and it begs what would happen if the balance irrevocably tipped for once. watching them is like watching a pencil teetering on the edge of a desk, always this close to some kind of breakthrough. i won’t even lie to you puppyshipping pisses me off half the time because i just want to shake them around until something metaphorically breaks.

kaiba and jounouchi never let each other become complacent in their pasts: whenever their personal tragedies and childhoods are brought up in the context of one another, it’s never because they are being vindicated for continuing to dwell in them, but because they are being contested on how much the mindsets they’ve carried over from their pasts should be allowed to determine their futures.

returning to canon, kaijou operates through the language of competition. jounouchi tries to prove himself as a competitor so remarkable that kaiba can no longer deny him, while kaiba already knows he’s remarkable, and that is precisely why acknowledging it pisses him off so much. so they’ll play their game: jounouchi will provoke kaiba into fighting him because he enjoys going up against challenging opponents in the hopes of becoming stronger, whereas kaiba keeps trying to set up situations where jounouchi will lose to the point of letting him die because he wants so badly to believe that losing does equal death and jounouchi’s existence is the most inconvenient counterargument of all. and obviously, jounouchi keeps not dying. and it's endlessly infuriating—almost slapstick at this point, that much to kaiba's frustration, no matter what he does, he can never make jounouchi submit for very long.

jounouchi and kaiba spur each other on to a ridiculous extent: kaiba enjoys pushing jounouchi past the breaking point, whereas jounouchi enjoys getting pushed to his limits to test his own capabilities. whether that’s necessarily a good thing though is…well…hmm. anyways. 

their dynamic is the type of messiness only two prideful high schoolers can get up to. maybe it’s just kaiba's repression and jounouchi's recklessness, but there is a fascination with each other that they’re incapable of leaving alone. there’s intimacy in knowing someone so well and fearing that fact, but kaiba and jounouchi never respond to this fear by avoiding it—they’re engaging with it time and time again. they infuriate each other with a passion that never sits still. kaiba and jounouchi seek a validation from their counterpart while simultaneously denying each other from it, and it’s mean, but invigoratingly so.

at some point, it’s not even about wanting validation anymore, but point-blank wanting its keeper by any capacity: wanting a visible reaction to their effort as proof of reciprocation, proof that says “i’ve finally affected you just as much as you affect me.” because kaiba and jounouchi want to leave a mark on each other, they want their counterpart to fully understand how much they’ve affected them, and they want to witness that reaction themselves. it’s no longer this big, nebulous ideological debate with a reflection: the pull between them is made both physical and personal. so, like, not to go the trite route of arguing that two men who can’t stand each other were ~secretly attracted to each other this whole time~, but how else are you supposed to word this?

in some hypothetical universe where they do come together, even the ways they love manage to compliment each other in its own clumsy way. seto kaiba never does anything in moderation: if he hates something he will destroy it, if he loves something he will possess it, and if he is obsessed with something, he will single-mindedly pursue it at the expense of everything else. his repression manifests itself in a passion so pressurized it’s all-consuming against everything it comes to contact with. inversely, katsuya jounouchi loves freely and transparently: showing affection comes as naturally as breathing to him. he embodies the belief that love is not only about the grand gestures, but the day-to-day acts of warmth and casual acknowledgments that it's there. a man who wants to be wanted by someone so badly it aches paired with someone who makes no reservations as to what he's committed to, capable of a love so overwhelmingly insatiable that it is neither fickle nor delicate, and a man who finds the act of trusting others with his affection so unthinkably humiliating that he’s convinced himself it’s something beneath him paired with someone who makes it look infuriatingly easy. they are going to invent a new language to love each other with. i believe in them. i would not write two separate essays titled “here’s how puppyshipping can still win” if i did not believe in them. 

ultimately, it feels cheap to build kaiba and jounouchi’s relationship off what life lessons they could "teach" each other reformation-style when they already have a legitimate dynamic in play. they can be good for each other, or they can tear into each other in ways they’d never expect to be capable of. there’s something exhilarating in knowing there’s someone who has that kind of power and wanting to keep them within your reach, a buzzing excitement in knowing someone who can not only withstand you at your worst, but fight back at you with twice as much vigor. sure, there’s potential for growth here, but that’s because there’s potential for literally anything.

kaiba and jounouchi inspire reinvention and self-determination from each other at the best of times and enable each other’s most self-destructive tendencies at their worst. so i think. puppyshipping is the most fun. when you ship them the same way you leave a fork in the microwave to watch it explode. the end.

TL;DR: me x the guy who keeps breaking my worldview and forces me to reevaluate myself every time i see him which i hate so much that i just want him to DIE

[sailubponbrainrot]

I don’t tend to write about actor’s but………

AU where Pon is an idol & Sailub is a massive fan

A/N: i just wanna mention that this isn’t me making any sort of assumptions about Sailub and pon’s actual relationship, it’s just a fun AU so please treat it as such 🤷🏻‍♂️

Pon debuted at 20 in a 5 member bg

Pon’s the maknae, lead vocal & featured dancer

Sailub is still a bl actor & has garnered a fan base of his own

Sailub didn’t really care about idols before but happened to hear their debut single and fell in love with Pon’s voice

He went down the rabbit hole and watched all their stages/dance practices and was infatuated by Pon

He begins following Pon’s group on social media and quickly finds Pon’s individual accts which he follows as well

Pon has a habit of looking through his followers (for fun, he just likes to see what the fans are up to) and sees Sailubs acct and gets excited bc he loves sailub’s work

Sailub & his bl partner joke around sometimes about Sailub’s love for pon

Fans like to ask who Sailub loves more and he’ll always wink and say something to the effect of “well I carry a photo of pon around so I think that’s the answer” while flashing a rotating selection of pon photocards he has

Pon’s members always like to tease him because this actor seems to /really/ like him and they’ll send videos to him of Sailub mentioning him/the group whenever they run across them

Pon’s group is going on tour and they happen to have a stop in Thailand so Sailub gets tickets for him and some friends (he didn’t want to go alone but really he’s the only fan in the group)

His friends as a joke manage to get him into the fansign the morning of the show thinking he wouldn’t actually go through with it

Jokes on them because sailub’s actually pretty excited to get his album signed and to finally get to tell Pon how talented he is in person

Sailub posts about being at the fansign with his friends the morning of while they were in line

Pon may or may not have been checking sailubs acct all morning to see if he’d be at the show that night and absolutely freaks when he realizes he’s at the fansign

Pon’s members are teasing him, telling pon to “go get his man” which…. Puts an idea in pon’s head

Sailub and his friends are just waiting in line when a manager comes out and asks them to come in early

They say it’s because he has his own fan base and they don’t want him to be in harms way, little did Sailub know it was at Pon’s request

Sailub and his friends get inside and he’s immediately confronted with the boy he’s been thinking about for months

They both just kinda stare at each other for a minute ?? Both men are starstruck with the other and don’t totally know what to do with themselves

The other members start mingling with sailub’s friends just to ease the tension (aka they’re all watching and poking fun at the two who can’t seem to take their eyes off each other)

Sailub manages to get his brain back online and introduces himself to Pon, telling him how much he loves his voice

Pon blushes and thanks him and they begin talking about their jobs/lives

Sailub & pon lose track of time and have to be pulled away from each other because the fansign is starting soon

Both men are disappointed because they really enjoyed talking with the other

Right before pon fully leaves the room he turns back around and asks Sailub if he’s going to the show that night and Sailub respond that he “wouldn’t miss it for the world”

Pon is an absolute blushing mess when he walks through the doorway and his members tease him incredibly hard about it

A few hours later Sailub and his friends are in their seats (a small private box) waiting for the show to start when he gets a dm request

Sailub freezes when he realizes it’s from Pon’s acct

“This might be forward but if you’re not busy after the show I’d love to see you before we leave town. Dinner ? xx Pon”

Sailub passes his phone over to his friends to make sure he’s not going crazy and they immediately wolf whistle at him and tell him that he should agree

Sailub finally gathers himself enough to respond that yes he’d absolutely love to buy pon dinner and he wishes him luck with the show

Pon may or may not spend half the show glancing up at the box Sailub and his friends are in and managing to make both himself and Sailub flustered

Long story short they go to dinner and find that they love each others company. They keep in touch and see each other as often as they can

Sailub starts traveling more and just happens to be in the same cities that pon’s group is performing in a lot

Pon & sailub begin posting photos with each other when they happen get the chance to see each other but it’s always in a “besties re-united” way

Sailubs fans tease him about it a lot and like to place bets on how many shows Sailub will see each time pon’s group tours/does fan meets etc

A couple years later they just start mentioning being together/posting actual couple photos. No big coming out, just two people who have grown close and want the chance to share their love with others <3

+Bonus: pon starts acting in bl’s with Sailub after his group disbands and nobody is surprised when Sailub proposes at the premiere of one of their series