#they're my favorite humans on this earth no lie

[bisexualrapline]

unrelated but god bless bangtan for being so obsessed w each other that they can't even do solo things without having lil pieces of each other represented throughout like i love that for y'all married soulmate bitches... me and who

[babyangelsky]

If YOU or a loved one are suffering from wanting to punch Pod's lights out every time he appears on your screen for Dr. Ter reasons, you may be entitled to financial compensation now is the perfect time to watch Mama Gogo

It's not a BL but it's written and directed by P'Jojo so it's absolutely queer as fuck. And if that's not enough to convince you to watch, allow me to give you a quick pitch. Also here's the plot.

I promise you won't even think about Ter when you're watching Pod play a sweet country boy who just wants to be a good host so he can make enough money to take care of his adoptive mother.

*Billy Mays voice* BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

We have Earth finally getting to act his age and show off that fine ass body and tattoos of his while also playing the silliest most ridiculous character in the universe...

who works out in oversized denim overalls.

Ciize is here and cute as fuck!

Gigie is here and sick the glorification of abs!

Drake is here playing my favorite character of his ever, Mikhael with a K, until Dr. Kao replaced him.

And reminded us all that he's got a fine ass body of his own to go with those incredible eyebrows.

Miss Mike? Miss TopTap? Miss Gunsmile? Tired of seeing Guy play assholes? Getting impatient for My Golden Blood because you miss Joss? They're all here too!

Wanna root for a pair of fallible human beings who have got delicious tension between them and grow a mutual respect for each other?

Tired of shows trying to convince you that characters your age (30) and slightly above are old? Nat is here to prove that THAT'S A FUCKING LIE.

GO WATCH MAMA GOGO AND BE CLEANSED OF POD AS DR. TER!

[dee-morris]

Aziraphale's Anxiety

There's something I feel like we don't talk about enough when it comes to things that Aziraphale is afraid of. Fanfictions, especially human AUs, interpret his fears and his "rejection" of Crowley as a form of internalized homophobia, and given the strict oversight and corporate-megachurch-coded supervisors I get it. A lot of us have had similar experiences with religion, except Aziraphale gets the added perk of knowing that what they're threatening him with is actually real and not an abusive power play.

But anyway.

Setting side the Final Fifteen for the moment because I stand by my hypothesis that we don't know everything that was happening in that scene or exactly why the characters behaved the way they did, Aziraphale's fears have been primarily guided by a desire to protect. Usually Crowley, but not always. He meddled in Elspeth's situation to try to protect her from going to hell. And if you do the math, he wasn't wrong to do so. A couple of years of misery and poverty against an eternity of torture? For an immortal creature who actually understands the concept of eternity, it checks out.

When he said no to the holy water he wanted to protect Crowley. When he gave him the holy water, it was to protect Crowley, in a lesser of two evils kind of way. When he broke up with Crowley at the bandstand, I think several things are going on: he wanted to protect the earth, he wanted to protect Crowley, and he knew that ultimately leaving the planet wouldn't guarantee their safety because when the end came the ENTIRE universe was getting shut down, not just the earth.

And here's my favorite example: the Job minisode. We really do not talk enough about the fact that Aziraphale could have walked away from this situation at any time without consequences. He never broke the rules. Gabriel told him, All we're doing is not stopping hell. And Aziraphale didn't stop Crawley, technically; Satan's diabolical minister had already decided he wasn't killing anyone. All Aziraphale did was help him, which wasn't the same as stopping him. Rules lawyer Aziraphale my beloved.

So he didn't lie to the Supreme Archangel's face to protect himself or the kids (unless he thought they'd off the kids if they knew they had survived, but that seems unlikely, the trials were over at that point); he did it to protect Crawley. And he was fully prepared to go to hell over it. Not happy about it to be sure, but resigned. And I believe that it wasn't losing his status in heaven that upset him but losing his role as Earth's protector.

Anyway, that's just something that's been kicking around in my head. We've spent so much time between seasons reveling in fanfiction that it's easy to lose track of the canon characters. Aziraphale's anxiety has rarely been on his own behalf, and higher self esteem won't fix his problems.

I stand by my belief, however, that a roll in the hay might help. There fanfiction and I are in complete agreement.

[greenthena]

Why then was this forbid? Why but to keep ye low and ignorant

(If evil, why tasty?)

In the Garden (the one in Eden, not in Tadfield or Berkeley Square), Aziraphale is tasked with protecting the Tree of Knowledge. He is, as he says, "On apple tree duty," that day when Crawly suggests to Eve that the fruit might be extra delicious, and worth a rather significant gamble.

And about that fruit...what was it that was so corrupting to humanity that they had to be cast from paradise after consuming it? Aha! You just fell victim to one of the classic blunders. You thought I was here to argue theology. Even I'm not that much of a masochist. What I will say is this, the fruit gave them knowledge--specifically, the knowledge of Good and Evil--which made them like God. In Paradise Lost, where (let's be honest) Western Christians get most of their context for the Fall of Man, Milton describes humankind's experience prior to that Original Sin as being fully Good. Good (as defined by the Almighty) is available to Adam and Eve from their conception. But Evil can only be known by disobeying God...by eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. And, oh, does does that Wily Old Serpent entice Eve to eat the fruit. The Serpent's temptation is a hefty stanza, but my most particular favorite part is this,

Why then was this forbid? Why but to awe, Why but to keep ye low and ignorant, His worshippers; he knows that in the day Ye Eate thereof, your Eyes that seem so cleere, Yet are but dim, shall perfetly be then Op'nd and cleerd, and ye shall be as Gods, Knowing both Good and Evil as they know.

(Milton, Book 9, lines 703-709.)

Ah, Crawly, you did such a good job. "Get up there and make some trouble." And you certainly did.

So knowing, knowledge...theologically these are heavy themes in the Eden narrative. Once Eve and Adam partake of the fruit (oh, spoiler alert...sorry...yah, they eat the apple) their eyes are opened and they realize that they are naked and everything changes. They're exiled from paradise, never to return to the sanctuary of creation's womb.

Remember what Aziraphale was doing that day? Well, what he was supposed to be doing, anyhow... Guarding the Tree, yes? Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden, but also Steward of the Tree. Keeper of the Knowledge. Hold that thought; I'm going to need you to come back to it in a bit.

Crawly...well, Crowley and Aziraphale spend the next six millennia on earth addressing the assignments given by their respective Head Offices and eventually forming their Arrangement. And through this time, Crowley introduces Aziraphale to a vast array of different types of knowledge: the knowledge of what food tastes like in the definitely-not-a-temptation form of ox ribs; the knowledge of what wine does to an angel's corporation; the knowledge that he has more free will than he realizes and can lie directly to Heavens' Supreme Archangel; and, perhaps most impactfully, the knowledge that he has a friend hereditary enemy who will keep his secrets safe.

As Aziraphale experiences existence on earth, he accumulates volumes of knowledge that other angels will never have, and even begins to collect this knowledge for himself in the most human way imaginable.

He acquires books. Little storehouses of knowledge in which people express their ideas, ask questions, and perform humanity in a way that is really only possible because Eve took the apple and defied her Maker. If they'd stayed in the Garden, there would be no questions, no new ideas, no sushi restaurants, and no dusty little bookshops where angels keep their precious hoards of human knowledge.

Remember that little thought I asked you to hold onto oh, say two paragraphs ago? Here's where it fits. A.Z. Fell & Co. is the New Eden. It's a safe haven containing a vast store of knowledge guarded by the angel of the Eastern Gate. Even the physical design of the bookshop mimics the walls of the Garden.

Just as in the original Eden, where the angel gave the demon the shelter of his wing, the bookshop provides a true home for Crowley (especially in S2, when we see him consistently remove his sunglasses upon entering the shop as an act of vulnerability.)

And like God in Her Garden, Aziraphale is covetous of his Knowledge, refusing to sell his books just as the Almighty denied the breeding pair of humans access to the fruit.

(Also, I literally asked God, and She said that Aziraphale will get mad if you try to eat his books.)

[skyview-temple-spring]

okay as promised here are the random notes of character analysis on ghirahim based on a direct translation of his original dialogue here

Skyview Temple

Calling it the Land vs the Surface fixes the issue of if they live in the sky why do they call it the surface. the surface of what

He calls himself the current Demon Tribe Chief vs Demon Lord

He's still a dramatic bitch ("precious me") but much less so. His "call me Ghirahimu-sama" is less "call me by my full title because I'm better than you" and more "we are not friends and I outrank you"

Rapidly, overwhelmingly, vehemently disgusted is SO much better than the synonym vomit of furious outraged sick with anger (even if it is more iconic). I am furious outraged etc on his behalf

"boy come from the heavens" is SO MUCH MORE poetic than sky child. I'm so mad why'd they change it

Earth Temple

Hiya, [person whose name I have forgotten]! (Aqua voice responds, Hi, Ken!)

Fire Sanctuary (my beloved)

ofc the "red string of fate" thing that is in eng as well BUT the CLEAR designation of the string of fate as red. I don't think I need to get into this we all knew

splendid vs fills my heart with rainbows. icon but I mourn what was lost. So much fandom drama could have been avoided

Okay. Okay okay okay, This is probably my favorite part: Ghirahim's partial transformation. He doesn't say "the one thing I lack is mercy" (because up until this point that's a lie; he's been very clear he hasn't killed Link because he's being nice). He says "my precious true form happens to have just one defect: changing its condition is not possible". The notes on this translation suggest it means he can't change back. In order to become the true form (and this is solves some arguments: Ghirahim's true form is the sword) he has to give up the beauty and freedom he's created.

Hylia's Realm

"you stand before demon, no weapon without mercy" - again, this goes against him saying up until now I've spared your life. He says in the og version "I must have looked human, no, a totally useless sword", which seems to be both in the literal sense but also with him as being totally useless as the servant of Demise

Bonus: Impa

stuff we can learn about her from Ghirahim's dialogue

he calls her a veteran of the goddess vs servant, which leads me to believe he's showing more respect for older Impa and he hasn't run into her younger version yet. does he make the connection that they're the same people? does he know her?

young quick paced pawn is much nicer than goddess-serving dog. Ghirahim is showing her much more respect

UNTIL you get to the fire sanctuary where it flips, Ghirahim calls her a lapdog in Japanese and a guard dog in English

[trinarysuns]

Earthspark theorycrafting time

Okay okay it's time for my favorite part of new TF content which is: wild extrapolation of what little we know into a house of theoretical cards which will no doubt be wiped out by the next episode to drop. Spoilers for the first 10 episodes of Earthspark abound after the cut, obviously.

So, without further ado: something is rotten in the town of Witwicky.

We don't know much about the war. Not why it was fought, or what exactly happened in it, or how it came to end—only that the spacebridge connecting Earth and Cybertron was destroyed, and according to Alex's simplified G1-esque retelling, Megatron just went "hey maybe Optimus has a point that we should stop fighting and preserve what's left of our race" and teamed up with the Autobots to end the war.

Just Megatron. Not a single other Decepticon. Not even ever-loyal Soundwave followed his lead. Even if we accept that the retelling is a highly sanitized and manicured version of what actually happened (like the thing about how Bumblebee totally disappeared forever), it's a very strange thing, isn't it?

We'll come back to this.

In any case, Cybertronians have been on Earth for thirty years. Megatron has been cooperating with Optimus for fifteen of them. The Decepticons are implied to have been in bad condition by the end of the war (Soundwave, malfunctioning in starvation, and a cassette exploding inside him. Rumble or Buzzsaw, presumably. RIP.), and rogue Decepticons are still scrambling to feed themselves in the present day.

In the very first scene of episode 1, Swindle and Hardtop are lured into an Autobot trap baited with a few (rectangles???) of energon. Sure, it's stealing, but they're not actually doing anything wrong here but trying to feed themselves. Still, it's made clear their choice is to fight and flee or surrender and go to prison forever. No third option.

Swindle escapes when the chase is interrupted by spiderbots, but Hardtop is captured. Optimus notes the spiders aren't of Cybertronian make and wonders if this has anything to do with rumors Decepticons are going missing (yes).

Later, Dot Malto comes across the convoy's wreckage. Elita-1 and Optimus arrive, only to inform Dot that the park ranger job she thought she had—the one she moved to Witwicky specifically for—was a lie and that she's actually working for the secret US military agency GHOST. As you might guess, Dot does not like this.

Interestingly, she says she doesn't work 'for the Autobots' anymore. It's not the military she has the most problem with, but them. This may or may not have to do with the much-later-referenced battle of the bay, in which the Autobots did a lot of architectural damage and she was badly injured. Either way, whatever trust was once there is broken.

Then of course Megs makes his entrance. Dot's resentment for Autobots doesn't extend to him—curious, given that in Alex's G1 story they were 'heroic Autobots' and 'evil decepticons', and Dot was a soldier there to see it all firsthand.

Megs and Dorothy are immediately and obviously old friends, and both of them on better terms with each other than with Optimus. Heck, they have names for each other no one else uses. Human buddy acquired!

Megatron: GHOST isn't a perfect ally, but Optimus believes they'll help our kind make a home on Earth. Dot: Optimus always sees the bright side. Even when there isn't one. Megatron: Don't be so hard on him, Dorothy. Clearly we've had disagreements, but when I joined the Autobots to end the war, I saw that Optimus always does what he believes is right. No matter the personal cost.

Note, not 'what's right'. 'What he believes is right', no matter the cost. Cut to Dot frowning down at the ominously-shaped GHOST logo on the overturned truck. Hmmmm.jpg.

Meanwhile, the abducted Hardtop is being stripped for parts by the evil Mandroid (okay, his name's actually Dr. Meridian. Did you remember that off the top of your head? No you didn't. Mandroid it is).

Mandroid commands the spiderbots (arachnamechs), hates Cybertronians in general and wants them off Earth, is the one who's been disappearing Decepticons, and has just welded Hardtop's arm onto his own shoulder. Hardtop, as you might guess, is not happy to be here and says when Swindle shows up they'll beat him up. This isn't gonna happen, but we'll come back to that later.

Meanwhile, after a spiderbot battle, the Autobots find out about the new kids but don't know exactly who or what they are. Optimus says he'll contact GHOST to take Twitch and Thrash to HQ for safety (he doesn't question why the truck turns up like three seconds later). Optimus promises to keep them very, very safe, and Dot tells Mo they can trust Optimus, even though we know in general that she doesn't.

Surprise, the truck driver is Mandroid and the robot kids have been abducted. Who saw that coming? Two scenes later, Optimus has to come over like 'oops GHOST has no record of that truck, they could be anywhere, my bad'.

Wow, could it be? Maybe blindly trusting Optimus Prime all the time isn't a great idea? 🤔

Meanwhile, Mandroid is interrogating Twitch and Thrash on their origins, and when that doesn't provide much intel, straps them in for dissection under a very large and many-pointy-limbed device (with a laser on it too, naturally).

The autobots show up to rescue them. When the spiderbots aren't enough to repel them, Mandroid summons some Decepticons to help fight the Autobots off: Skullcruncher, Shrapnel, Hardtop, and Bombshell. This is where we get our first clue about what's going on here, but only if you know the Transformers Lore™. Again, we'll come back to this later.

Elita-1 (fighting Hardtop): Your heart's not in this, is it? Elita-1: Brain, either.

Then Bee shows up to help, as it turns out he didn't disappear forever (surprise!). In the end, all the Decepticons are captured.

Hardtop: Honest, I don't know what came over me. I'd never fight you, Megatron! No matter what side you're on!

And then there's this odd little moment. Blink and you'll miss it, because it continues into a cut where Megatron helps Dot down from his shoulder. In response to Hardtop's words, Megatron shoves him, then... Looks at his cannon.

Hmmm.jpg x2 🤔

This segues into family time and Dot insisting Twitch and Thrash stay with them, which Optimus is glad to hear. Also he doesn't want GHOST to know Bumblebee is alive. Seems like he doesn't fully trust them either.

...And now that we're out of the ep 1-2 two parter I can skim over most of the rest of the episodes, as, for better or worse, Earthspark is in large part the 'kids and robots petting cows and family game night' show with larger events happening in the background somewhere.

A few significant moments:

-Optimus, Elita-1, and Megatron hang out all domestic-like in the secret GHOST base under Dot's ranger station, presumably. You know. The one with the Decepticon prison in it, where they're all kept until, as OP says, there's a better option available.

-Alex insinuates he used to know Dr. Meridian during the war, and presumably was another science team guy before he retired to teach.

-Swindle breaks into a GHOST convoy to steal an energon scanner that could give him a lead on finding Hardtop but can't get through the forcefield, so scams Mo and Thrash into helping him. When the kids' parents find out:

Dot: You're different from Swindle! Cons weren't born into that life, they chose it. And anyone who wears that badge? Can't be trusted.

Mo: They aren't all bad. Right, mom? You're friends with Megatron.

Dot: That's different. Megatron has truly changed.

Has he, now? But again, just him and no others. And depending what kind of Decepticon backstory we're dealing with in this continuity, saying all Decepticons are evil and chose to be so is a hmmm.jpg x3. What's our IDW1 (or even TF:P) proximity here?

-Some random GHOST trainee almost shoots a kid

-The kids fall into a pit trap and Optimus gets some extremely ominous framing

-Optimus Hides the kids from GHOST inside his trailer, inside the GHOST base. Because Optimus Prime makes bad decisions.

Dot: Cheesy footage of Autobots helping humans build a bridge. Not very subtle. And what exactly does GHOST do with the Decepticons you catch? Optimus: That's classified. I'm sorry. Dot: Bots and humans working together is wonderful, but why the secrecy? And the hard sell? You sure you're on the right team, OP?

-Megatron refuses to use his cannon against the cassettes for 'childish pranks'. Optimus calls them criminals. Bee shows up with restraining bolts to mode lock the cassettes and Megs is disgusted.

Megatron: I will never touch those... Things. Optimus: A means to an end, Megatron: safely transporting our quarry to GHOST. Megatron: Optimus, does it not concern you that our human allies control where Decepticons live, and what form they take? Even in times of so-called peace? This is not freedom.

It's enough to start an argument between OP and Megs about the way the Decepticons are being treated, in which Megatron says I gave you my fealty to save our people, which is a very interesting choice of words. Fealty, as of an oath of service and obedience to a liege lord. This is not an equal bargain.

Later, battling Soundwave, Soundwave repeats his own words to him. This is not freedom. He calls Megatron traitor—and Megatron, about to fire, stops and looks shocked: as if the idea that to the Decepticons he is a traitor is somehow a new thought.

Add another hmm.jpg to the pile.

Later on, Skywarp and Nova Storm show up intent on stealing Optimus' arm for Mandroid. Hardtop's wasn't good enough, apparently.

Optimus: They want my left arm like their lives depend on it!

And you know what? When the two of them fail in their mission and Mandroid says he'll dissect them, they don't even try to fight that small squishy human. Wow, weird. And when we find out the terran bots were created via an artifact left behind by Quintus Prime, his squiddy little logo certainly doesn't resemble an upside down spiderbot at all. :)

But now we come to the really interesting part. Dot and Megatron are captured by Mandroid and the following conversation ensues:

Mandroid: Let me begin again. Conversation is difficult, after my time in the war.

Dot: You served too?

Mandroid: My contribution was scientific. I was drafted by GHOST to toil in their robotics laboratory. After a year of laboring on projects I detested, Decepticons attacked San Francisco. Dot: Yeah, I remember. I led an infantry platoon at the battle of the bay. Mandroid: Then perhaps you remember the Autobots' friendly fire destroying buildings. My arachnamechs dragged me to safety, saving me the only way they knew how. I came away with... Souvenirs.

You know what I think?

I think it's real suspicious that Hardtop went from wanting to kill Mandroid to doing his bidding without seeming to even understand why. I think it's suspicious that all those other Decepticons did too—they might stick around for fuel, sure, but not to protest even under threat of dissection?

Why did Megatron turn his back on his loyal army in such a way that none of them followed? Why did they go to ground rather than attempt switching sides? When did it become clear that there would be no switching sides, only life imprisonment for those who surrendered?

But not for Megatron—who has sworn fealty, who 'has truly changed' who is tame and obedient. The sole exception.

Remember episodes one and two? Remember who one of Mandroid's tame Decepticon squad was? Bombshell. You know what Bombshell's whole thing is in the lore? Mind control. Do you know what other two motifs are strongly associated with mind control in the Transformers lore?

Spiders.

Needles.

The biggest hmmmmm.jpg imaginable 🤔

I think maybe the emberstone wasn't the only thing Quintus Prime left behind. I think GHOST found whatever that bit of lost technology was during the war, and Mandroid reverse engineered it into the arachnamechs and the 'projects he detested'. You know who recognized who Quintus Prime was without even thinking about it? Alex, who once worked with him.

I think one day Megatron was captured, bolted to a table in a dark room, and came back different. I think Optimus was too happy about that change to ask too many questions, and GHOST would have done the same to the rest of the Decepticons if not for losing Dr. Meridian in the battle of the bay—and with him, all his research. Mandroid doesn't care about turning the Decepticons peaceful anymore, only using them as a means to the end of Cybertronian destruction.

Now all GHOST can do is capture Decepticons and lock them up until there's Optimus' 'better way': until they can reverse engineer Mandroid's work and shadowplay the rest of them into good little productive citizens... And hope their hold on Megatron doesn't break before then.

Never trust a mech with his needles in your neck. :)

[blogofloathing]

Parts 1 of 1, Gillian B And The Unruly Interviewee

After a less than polished bus ride we arrived to the equally less than polished slums of Porkham,

I'd say it looked better in my day, except I wouldn't know, I grew up in a more respectable area.

Adjusting my trusty driving cap, spiffy bow tie, and affirming these good looks with my crew.

we set off, according to my media guy fishing is popular this time of year, so why not cash in?

Being careful to avoid nails and trash (human or otherwise) on our meandering way to the bridge,

wherein todays interviewee was apparently living.

In my opinion he should just get a job and maybe contribute to society? But that's not "kind" or "empathetic" according to my trusty cameramen.

Stepping into the clearing we see exactly what I had feared, I was hoping we had bad intel.

Yet lo and behold, a stubble ridden homeless sat adjacent to us, probably high out of his mind.

"Mm.. oh! Hey! Yall are here for the interview?" He shouted over to us, well, to say he raised his voice would be a lie, but that was certainly the intent.

Our cameras focused shakily on the dirty hobo we have unfortunately decided to question today.

My mic man stood just a bit too close, so that every word spoken slightly blasted the audio.

I'm sure someone can make it sound good later,

"we are go in 3, 2.." holding up one finger for the last call, before miming an inaudible "go".

And giving our cameras the signal to proceed, they ask him the first of many questions.

"Mm'well when you're fishing in sketchy spots ya gotta specialize" he mumbled, gesturing to the tackle box, though it's more of a tackle lunch box

The camera zooms in as he pulls out a wriggling gummy worm, sugar dusting its exterior.

Christ how on earth is that thing moving, "mm them gummy worms grow near rivers"

"Makes em self supplyin" he walks us through, as our whole team takes a step or two back.

"Mm I think somea them barbecue fellas put somethin in the water over there.."

Glancing over to the stream, which looked more like a pot of soup full of garbage than a river.

Maybe interviewing this gross hobo was a mistake. Certainly I'll be taking a bath after this,

But for the sake of journalism, we let him go on

"Makes so they're good for catchin them colorful fishies, f'miliar sight for em" indeed the worm was bedazzled in a rainbow of striped colors

Enough to make my head hurt just looking at it.

Though none of my crew has ever heard of any kinda rainbow fish, probably some new drug the homeless are taking, and we wonder why the city is trying to stamp out these kinds of people!

"Mm'infact I got onea them on my line right now,"

our cameraman panning quickly over to the hobos fishing pole, propped up against some rocks.

The line was limp for the time being, that is to say if it would ever actually be pulled by something other than garbage, (excluding the man himself.)

Christ thank god we're not live right now, we can have whatever-his-name-is edit that out later

"Mm, oh! An' here's some more from my stash" he pipes up with subdued surprise, a fuzzy worm covered in spines was crawling up his arm, "they're s'posed to be poisonous but I f'gure you let em do what they do, they go fine"

"These are good for catchin them walkin fishies, mm'paralyzes their muscles," he explained, flexing his fingers loosely before constricting them tightly

Then sighing with a noticeably disappointed tone, "people are way too hesitant 'bout fish legs, I tell em they're just like frog legs, but I guess they don't much like those neither.."

Personally I can't see a world where I or anyone on my team eats that, but of course let's remember they're not like you and me.

"ahh here's one'a my favorites," he grunts, pulling out a large bag full of sickly bright red worms.

"Onea them groups of chemical guys dyed some kids hair in the river and plumb contaminated this whole bag," shaking them in our face

And sure enough there could be faint spots of pink vaguely seen under the thick scarlet glaze.

"Mm'but whatever's in em makes the fishies go all crazy," he explains, shaking his hands wildly in the air to demonstrate this apparent frenzy.

"They dye your tongue red for a good while when ya eat em though, mm'sooo if that ain't your style I can't sell ya on em" placing it back down where it immediately stained the ground scarlet.

I'm forced at this point to give my team a glare of disapproval, some of them seeming far too genuinely interested in what this hobo had to say.

They look sheepish for a moment at my face, but then continue looking past me at him.

Really I don't see what use there is in listening to stuff like this, I'm only here for content.

"Mm'I don't know how I hook thesen's but I do an' they fetch pretty good" he mumbles tacitly.

Holding up what appeared to be a pile of loose integers in vaguely the shape of a squiggly line.

Wriggling and moving in a way that didn't account for any sort of connections or reason.

My whole team taken aback at once says "what on earth??" quietly in united confusion. Before then looking at each other in mirrored disbelief.

despite having no possible way to crawl the way it does, making a gentle journey along his arm.

Coming to a rest at his shoulder where he picks it up, somehow, "mm'I expect this's due to runoff from the math guys dumpin their old equations in the water" expecting us to understand any of that.

"But them educated fishies really love em, maybe they're tryna solve em or somethin" he says with a reverent little chuckle, though it's more of a cough.

The unsightly man continues excitedly showing us various worms, giving exaggerated and showy gestures for each presentation.

As if his hands are the actual ones being asked.

"Don't even get me started on them spider worms! Haha, mm'just kiddin, please do"

I'm positively sick with boredom but I have been forced by my team not to leave.

Until thankfully, salvation arrives at last when he appears to reach the end of his last show & tell.

Putting various worms(?) Back into containers, and a quick check to the continuously light line.

"Well thank yall kindly for- Vic! Vic get on over here I'm gonna be on the television!" He shouted suddenly, eyeing an unseen figure behind us.

My heart sank sickeningly, he was right about to bid us a good day, we were so damn close! And..

A possibly even dustier hobo, girl? Waltzes over to us, Jesus Christ it just keeps getting worse.

"Yo! Walt! You're famous eh? Gettin the big bucks?" the two laugh heartily, "see I told ya you're fishin would take off you old sot" she teased loudly.

They chit chat for a beat, with me continuing to shuffle backwards, much to my crews chagrin.

I'm silently begging my cameras to let me leave with my wallet intact before it catches sight of me

The urgent tugs at my boom operators sleeve going unnoticed save for a bemused look.

"Hey! Wanna ask me some stuff! Give me some free stuff?" She bursts into my world unwelcome.

Seemingly moved on from the dirty man, onto me.

For a moment I try to pretend as if not having noticed her, but fate did not hold the cards for me.

"Cmonnnn I know you're one of them big shots you got cash" her bushy eyebrows turned at an almost impossible angle, no wonder she looked mannish.

Signing didn't seem to work, as expected with the uneducated, but even my perfectly clear refusal to answer was left disregarded by this girl.

"Psh, figures you uppercrusts think you're too good to talk to me" she sneered derisively.

I tentatively waved to one of my crewman, whom seemed wholly preoccupied with the fisherman,

The shows over! What is there to talk about? My pleas yielded no results, I was fully on my own.

"What's with ya? You talk?" Her intense eyes bore holes into my own, attempting to take a look behind them in a quite uninvited intrusion.

Ugh these types are always so pushy, I swear I don't know why I agreed to do this.

As she pressed her face more closely to mine I could feel her gross, warm breath

Like the smog of a smokestack, clinging to my skin and hair in a sickeningly sticky way

"Hellooooo is anybody home Mr Rich?" Her words poked, knocking the glass of a terrarium to make me dance, managing only to startle me further

My discomfort is reaching its peak and I'm nearly made to give the emergency sign to my crew,

When the hobo girl reaches her hand out to touch me again, my skin prickling in irid anticipation.

And Inexplicable even to myself, a tear sparkled dully in my eyes, which were presently pressed together, as if I'd disappear if I couldn't see her.

This would surely be the end of my career, she would know.. I could feel everyone's eyes on me

And indeed the look on her face told me the gears were turning, some remnant of social awareness ticked around echoey in her hollow dome.

Gillian Barlows A Sissy surely what the headline would read, they'd be right, and that would be it.

These newspaper ghosts flapped hauntingly in my head like a flock of my worst anxieties.

Of circling vultures primed to take a strike at me any moment, the wilting journey of my egos end.

Before my cameraman, who must have finally noticed my situation, stepped between us.

Reforming the barrier I had been trying to keep hold of, that this girl had ripped it up.

"I'm sorry ma'am but you're gonna have to step back" a stern but not unkind order, his voice soothingly final, as if he was just stating the facts.

Equally putting to rest my growing discontent, "eh? Awww cmon you interviewed Wal-" she started, wildly gesturing In the other hobos direction.

"Ma'am we have a very concise schedule, and please refrain from touching our host." He retorted firmly, the rest of my crew standing nearby as well.

His hand nested on my shoulder as he said it

The lot of them were towers of men, acting as body guard and camera crew in unison

Pillars of my kingdom who kept the gates guarded

Standing (in no uncertain terms) a harsh contrast to my otherwise quite stubby figure.

We shared a quick look, his half smirk telling me don't worry, I've got you, as he continued the contentious chat with this random girl.

"Well- ugh fine! Take your chintzy camera cats somewhere else!" She expleted, giving our cameras a rude hand gesture before storming off.

"I'm too good for your lil TV shit anyway, hacks!"

Kicking a can into the lake that had been in her way, though I didn't hear the sound it made.

My ears were still plugged shut by the awful dripping fear that enveloped me at the ordeal,

I couldn't let someone see me like that, least of all someone like her, this was a mistake.

Breathing growing heavier, and knees weaker, the weight of this pressure primed to knock me over.

This is stupid, getting so worked up over someone like her, but despite all principles, the gnawing feeling in my gut was unwilling to accept reality.

I felt floaty and tingly, like I was on the brink of a faint, of losing my balance completely and falling..

Right into the strong arms of my cameraman, who had already set the camera down a ways away.

"Were you still rolling? Did you get it?" I whispered in a strained voice, almost inaudibly.

He shushed me, carrying me over to the rest of my crew, setting me down easy next to them.

I felt so comfortable being held by him, like he always knew exactly where he was going.

"Hey boss! We's were talking to the fisherman, and he gave us some fish on the house!"

My mic operator excitedly informed me, holding up a shockingly good looking salmon.

The man had been teaching us how to identify a real good salmon and well, there it is

Its tail fins were pronounced without being floppy, and the scales shone like glass or crystal.

My expression evidently spoke volumes how did he catch that "guess he had some right ideas"

Smirked my mic man, inviting an exaggerated eye roll from me, though I couldn't help but agree.

"Anywho! Let's get a move on Gill!" he sprang matter o factly, also springing me onto my feet.

"here G" my other cameraman said, his chill demeanor contrasting so that it made me giggle.

Waving to the whole crew, who all took me up into their arms in turn, lifting me almost effortlessly.

Linking together to create a proper seat for me to rest in, even if I did feel a little silly.

A mobile throne of sorts, to lead the charge.

"What say we all go for drinks?" My mic man suggested, looking around at the rest of us.

Who all nodded in approval "then let us go!" My cameraman said resolutely,

I signed a clumsy "but what about the interview?"

"we can edit the footage later" he spoke directly to me "let's go have some fun"

These affirmations, bringing back to life a smile, informing my unending confidence around them.

I didn't say anything, but I pointed forward in a mock gesture of commencement.

Each member of my crew pointing in turn, as I lead the group, captain at the helm.

Maybe they were right, I could use a bit of a wind down more often to cool the nerves.

As long as it means more time spent with these idiots, I could see.. some time off.

"To TV! To Drinks! To Gillian!!" The whole gaggle chanted, yelling my name with especial vigor.

[cielsosinfel]

I never posted a list of my favorite books I read last year, so here's something brief (with links to posts I made about the books, if I did):

Fiction:

Bloom by Delilah S Dawson: An F/F horror romance that I would describe as "An Eroguro Yuri Yandere Visual Novel Bad End In Western Book Form." A woman coming out of a terrible break-up, and cutting her mother out of her life before uprooting to a town where she knows no one, falls head-over-heels for a beautiful and eccentric woman at the farmer's market. A downward spiral into obsessive love ensues. Short, sweet, perfect build-up, would recommend for an easy fun grotesque read. (Major CW warnings: short but graphic descriptions of past CSA and violent animal death.) Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh: a young human girl growing up on a space station of the remainder of human separatists, waging a fruitless war against the alien empire that decimated humanity years ago, suddenly has to confront the fact her entire upbringing and understanding of the universe and its politics and the foundation upholding her beliefs and ideals was a lie. There's F/F and M/M romance but they're not the focus (and tbh not very satisfying. The story is satisfying.) has one of the most artfully written explorations of the horror of incestuous grooming that I've ever seen written. Major CW: Characters facing racism, Incest and ever-present threats of sexual violence and forced pregnancy.

The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling: F/F SF horror fiction: a woman lies about her credentials to take on a very dangerous, but lucrative, cave diving job in order to escape her backwater mining planet has the slow realization that her employer and handler does NOT have her best interests at heart. A terrifying visceral psychological horror that spirals out of control into an emotionally and mentally abusive romantic relationship. What's better than this, two women becoming unhealthily and abusively condependent as they face the horrors of deep caves, isolation and family trauma together.

Walking Practice by Dolki Min, tl. Victoria Caudle: A South Korean self-published novel translated into English, about a carnivorous, shapeshifting alien trapped on Earth who uses dating apps to find its prey amongst the lonely citizens of a major city. A very harrowing exploration of social isiolation and ostracization of people who fall outside the majority norms, with a definite focus on disability, sexuality and transgressive gender.

The Wicked and the Willing An F/F Gothic Horror Vampire Novel by Lianyu Tan: What the title says lol. This takes place in colonial-era Singapore, where our heroine Gean Choo takes on a job as working as a live-in housekeeper for wealthy white European Verity Edevane, who she's drawn to and desires despite every single warning flag, and is introduced to Po Lam, Edevane's faithful and most trusted employee. And then Gean Choo realizes her new employer is a vampire and handsome Po Lam, who has been murdering young women for her to feed off for years, is determined to protect her. This novel does not go the way you will think it might go. There is a lot going on it that I LOVED and really recommend it. Major CW: Characters facing Racism throughout and descriptive discussion of past CSA that comes up several times.

Nonfiction & Poetry:

Wanting: Women Writing About Desire: A nonfiction anthology of short memoir pieces where women from a very diverse background and of diverse identities, write about their relationships to sex, their bodies, and the act of desiring. I really, really am glad I read this. There is some of the most thoughtful and truthful, uncensored, writing on the complicated sides of being a CSA survivor, that I've ever read, in this book. Many women also write about the intersections of sexual desire and race and culture, transgender status, non-straight sexuality, disability.

Cartographies of Desire: Male-male Sexuality in Japanese Discourse, 1600-1950 by Pflugfelder: A very comprehensive overview of the history of sexual and romantic relationships between men in Japan from the Edo Period through to the post-WW2 period, as well as government efforts to control and repress such relationships. I really appreciate this book because it heavily cites Japanese-language sources to show that the repression of homosexual relationships between men was not purely a part of Meiji-era Japan's process of "modernization" via adopting many Western moral and political concerns- control and repression of male-male sexual relationships has happened all throughout Japanese history, but for more complicated reasons than disgust and moral disapproval of men fucking.

Major CW: A lot of the text is about historical pederasty (that is, sexual relations between men over the age of 18 and boys under the age of 18) and sexual violence is a major element of what is examined.

I'm gonna add to this when I come home but I'll just post this for now since it's pretty long.

[ask-a-bot]

I don’t know if this has been asked before but what’s your favorite song/genre. Both earth and cybertroian if you have one that is

-🌑💫

I like Behind Blue Eyes by The Who. I think it's about me. I've got blue optics. I never had red ones. That was just a way to make me look evil and scary in the original cartoon (like I even need to look scary! Ha! You humans are fragging weird) – my optics were always blue. And I do lie a lot and I'm not good at keeping my cool and... it's me, isn't it? The bad guy.

Oh, Starscream. May I put an arm around you?

I suppose.

I like the song How Many Friends that you showed me. I feel so good right now. A handsome boy tells me how much I changed his past. He buys me a drinkie but I think he really just likes my aft. How many friends have I really got? You can count them on the one hand.

You really listened to it! I didn't think you even liked The Who!

You were right. It is a good song. Their songs are so well written, even if they are a little too noisy for my taste. I like the words.

I thought you would! You might like Madness too. They're surprisingly poetic. Oh! And there's an Elton John song you might like, called Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting. That one's good!

One at a time, Starscream. Time and patience.

That reminds me! You need to try out The Divine Comedy, too.

Are there any bands you don't know and like, Star?

I know ABBA, but I don't like them much. I find the music too... bouncy. I don't like The Beach Boys much, either.

Oh. I like The Beach Boys! Does that mean I'd like ABBA too?

Maybe. I don't know. You like most music, so you probably would like them. At least a song or two, probably.

I like most music, too! Earth music is pretty cool. I like Highway To Hell! Woohoo! And Bohemian Like You. And the Woohoo song by Blur that says something about jumbo jets not being easy.

I like Wouldn't It Be Nice by The Beach Boys. That's a good song. And I like Meatloaf. We were racing! We were soldiers of fortune! We got in trouble but we sure got around!

Bumblebee! I'm not sure how I feel about you listening to that.

Why? It's a great song!

I liked the song that got sent in a while back. The video was weird, but the song was good.

Get Some Scars by Lux Lisbon. Yes. It is about how simply living our lives is constantly shaping us. It is by our experiences that we become who we are and can tell each other apart. When we are older, we should meet up and show the scars we got when we were young. Or... something like that.

While we're young, yeah, let's go out and get some scars... we'll wear them to tell us apart.

That's the one!

I think I like The Beatles best. Here Comes The Sun, The Blackbird, Hey Jude...

Maxwell's Silver Hammer!

Oh, you would like that one.

Back in school again, Maxwell plays the fool again, Teacher gets annoyed. Wishing to avoid an unpleasant scene, she tells Max to stay when the class has gone away, so he waits behind, writing 50 times "I must not be so..." But when she turns her back on the boy he creeps up from behind. Bang, bang! Maxwell's silver hammer came down on her head! Bang, bang! Maxwell's silver hammer made sure she was dead!

Yeah, but he got caught and came to a sticky end.

He killed the judge!

Maybe, but it was in a court room. With witnesses. Even the people who – very stupidly – said he should go free wouldn't be able to defend him after that! Next time, he'll be secured better and get his sentence. It won't be good.

He's just a school kid! He should go free!

Star. Being a kid isn't an excuse for killing people. It just isn't a thing you should do. It's wrong, OK? He killed his teacher for trying to discipline him. He killed a girl who he was supposed to be taking to the pictures (British word for movies, I'm guessing) and he killed a judge for... well... like the teacher, for doing his job. Each time, he's a little more... more... I don't know... he seems to care less each time about being seen or getting caught.

It's just a song! I like it – it's exciting! I want a hammer!

There is no way I'm getting you a hammer. Silver or otherwise.

What about a yellowhammer? It doesn't go bang, it sings. It says "devil don't you touch me" in Scotland and "little bit of bread and no cheese" in England.

I don't think we're allowed to buy or sell native songbirds here either.

[hell-drabbles]

I never thought that leviathan will get the title of being the most beautiful devil in hell. Ngl I thought it gonna go for Lucifer since (probably) he's God favorite.

Now this create a random scenerio in my head. imagine if the mc doesn't seem infatuated by him after they meet, sure he was beautiful n all but not enough for them to act like a dog around him. His design was pretty plain with little accessories around, I would put him after Asmodeus and Lucifer.

I also imagine that since hell and earth are different, they should also implied a different standards for two. For the devils, leviathan is the most beautiful being but on humans or just generally MC he aren't really much attractive.

Wonder how he gonna react if we just slap him with "wait- your the most beautiful being???" MC just acting nonchalant about everything

Yeah I absolutely get that. Anytime a narrative tell me that this character is the most beautiful in the world, my brain instantly goes "No they're not, don't fucking lie to me or tell me what to do." Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you're telling me this plain ass fucker is the most beautiful? Fuck off. If he wants even a chance at getting me to think he's pretty, he needs to start messing around with gender presentation. Give me men in skirts, men with long hair, men in beautiful laces! Femme fatale men!!

That and I do not feed those that already have high egos to begin with. Personality is a pretty big factor for me in how pretty or beautiful a character is. So, if I don't like the personality, they are not beautiful or attractive. And thing about Leviathan is that his high opinion of himself isn't even the funny kind? It's treated as an absolute right by the MC and it grates at me.

I don't know enough about Leviathan to determine if he'd be offended at the Reader just going "??? You're the most beautiful? Well, whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess." But I'll take a guess and say that he'd probably think you're lying or some other shit like that. And then be envious at who you think is attractive, if any at all.

So anyways, I'll probably write him as a yandere that never gets what he wants at some point. I want to put him in his place. And make him suffer in both mind and dick.

[rraaarr]

GO2 Spoilers ahead! Honestly I love all the theories (coffee, lie, magic trick) and think they're fun, interesting, and thorough, and while I think people are definitely asking the right questions, I personally don't think the Metatron overtly threatened Aziraphale or altered his state of mind in any way.

(the magic trick theory perhaps suggests that metatron just changed things to make Aziraphale more likely to say yes to him, but I don't know if I personally find that necessary)

There is Definitely Somethig Up with how Aziraphale retells his convo with the Metatron, but I really don't think it was an overt threat, esp not one to Crowley

(I think an overt threat to Crowley wouldve seen Aziraphale try to signal to Crowley in some way, they're good at that. And a pretty different/more stubborn,angry reaction on Azis part)

I could def be proven wrong next season, but Aziraphale seems Genuinely excited about the prospect of being Angels together with Crowley in Heaven and wanting that is 99.99% within his character.

Reasons I'm about to get into, but it isn't ONLY that it is within his character to want this, but it's also within his character:

To want to Check with Crowley First

Like, we see Aziraphale Check in with Crowkey before even TALKING to the Metatron. He isn't going to turn down an offer of Angelic Status on Crowley's behalf Without Asking

Like, yes of course Aziraphale is Excited, he Wants Crowley to say yes, there may have even been a disagreement or arguement if Crowley had said "oh you can tell them my answer is a resounding no."Like they may have still had the same convo bc Aziraphale hadn't been prepared for a No answer. (Ppl do this all the time, ask a genuine question then getting upset when the answer is no)

But ppl, I think Aziraphale was Attempting to Ask Crowley for their opinion, for what they wanted because Aziraphale never actually at any point tells Metatron "Yes" (or no)

I think being Angels with Crowley in a Heaven Aziraphale feels he can control ticks so many boxes of what he wants.

It lets Aziraphale:

Be together with Crowley in a way that is Safe for them both (his favorite thing)

It lets Aziraphale Do good and Help the Humans (his other favorite thing)---this may be a post for another time, but BOTH Azi and Crowley seem genuinely concerned for the souls and well being of the Humans they interact with that aren't, you know, freaking nazis. We see this with both Elspeth And Sitis (Crowley stops her from cursing God)

It lets Aziraphale give Crowley something back that he feels was taken away from Crowley unfairly (and in turn restore his sense of balance with the universe)

It lets Aziraphale be sure there won't be another Armageddon

It lets Aziraphale repay a debt i think he may feel he owes Crowley

It could even let Aziraphale help other angels he sees as like himself, hat he has something in common with like Muriel

And Aziraphale can always pop back down to earth when he likes

Like there are so many reasons for Aziraphale to think this is a good idea.

And those reasons are Not Even ALL wrong

The problem is Crowley doesnt Want to, for good reason, and Aziraphale will probably have less power than he thinks

Aziraphale Wanted to be able to say Yes

And he Might have said no to the Metatron if he'd just Asked Crowley with clear words on Crowleys opinion instead of just assuming and then being too shocked and hurt by Crowleys judgement and refusal to even be like "well I didn't answer dear, I wanted to check with you first. "

All that being said, I DO think Metatron subtly threatened Aziraphale, enough where Aziraphale still cared about safety, didn't forget that he and Crowley were unsafe, that Metatron reminded him in subtle ways of all the info that could be used against them Both, all while seeming a friend. I think the Or Death was implied, but I don't think Aziraphale quite caught on cognitively but instinctively (see reason number 1)

Metatron went for an obvious carrot and a subtle stick.

[after-witch]

This isn't a request or anything but my favorite stories of yours are with the seasonal fae! One of my ticks when I read Fae stories is that people write them like ultra pretty quirky people. They aren't people! They need to be eerie and charming and strange and clever, and cunning and a little mean and with lots of little oddities. I'm writing a fanfic actually bc I like the book but the author doesn't really know how to write Fae.

There's little stuff i put in, like the Mc having a panic attack or falling into anaphylaxis shock, but the Faeries don't understand that, and just thinks she's joking and continue with their merry. She can't dance or sing for as long as they can and often drag her past exhaustion. Her hands wrinkle from doing dishes and they ask themselves how long its been, humans age fast but not that fast, right? And hey, what do you mean that humans can't bite through metal? Like, they know humans can lie but next you're going to say they can't hear the trees sing or feel the magic churning under earth.

I've read most of everything you've ever written, would you ever consider writing a book? I would buy anything you wrote, and I even plan on reading small spaces because of you!

I'm glad you like them! I really enjoy writing them.

I prefer fae stories where they're "off," too, especially lately. But I think the portrayal of fae characters as "people, but with pointy ears/magic/etc" is so common in media nowadays, books and otherwise that it gets naturally absorbed into new content people create.

But yeah, to me, if they're not being written as these "other" beings, I just can't get into it. To paraphrase what someone wrote on a tag for my latest fae piece, I want a fae who appears like a thing wearing a human meat suit that doesn't quite fit properly. Their fingers are long or (to borrow from Small Spaces) two of them are the same length, or their eyes don't reflect anything, or as you mentioned, they don't understand things like skin wrinkling under water or physical exhaustion etc etc.

Your middle paragraph reminds me of a book I had when I was little, that said something like, "A fairy will look at the misfortune of a man and laugh at how funny he looks when he weeps, not understanding the gravity of his tears."

Ahh I'd like to write a book, but at the moment I don't really have any book length plot ideas. I've been thinking about writing some short stories to publish after I get settled into the apartment in a few months, though, to try to supplement my income a bit more.

"I even plan on reading small spaces because of you!"

Yessss. I hope you like it!!

[sphericalbee]

this is long asf and i know it STARTS w me being like 'i should kms' but im gna spoil it for u all and say that's NOT where it goes lmfao im just dumping out all my thoughts

!! very very rambly, not proofread even once, probably makes no sense and is very cheesy

i wrote a fucking novel holy shit LMFAO no hard feelings if u skip

if i can be kinda depressing for a second i think ab killing myself too much for someone who is basically fine (that might be a lie idk i don't feel like thinking ab it more rn) 😭 like the world just has so many issues i dont wna deal with,,, yk? and it would be so much easier to just move on to whatever's next, bc i KNOW ill have a fuckton of debt in college and have to live through miserable relationships and watch the earth fall apart bc our leaders r so incompetent. even now im living through like 5 genocides, insane global warming, a poverty crisis, inflation, and all of this can be boiled down to greed and hatred

also a lot of kids my age are so horrible for no reason and it's sad to think how many people just absolutely suck ass

but at the same time i won't kill myself bc there are people who i wna make sure get through everything alright, and ik i have good things to live through too

so ive compromised and decided i get to shoot myself in the head when im like 60 if i don't have a wife and the world is still a mess 💀 like i don't wna live longer than i'll enjoy it (lets be reallll global warming will kill us all before i have to do anything anyway)

surprisingly, i got a lot better after reading philosophy books? making sense of the world and appreciating the genius of the philosophers, who were ppl just like me, helps

i feel like ive found so many new ways to think ab and experience the world through philosophy. it's a beautiful part of humanity, trying to understand and having genuine fascination about the way things are and what everything means

good music helps too. yerin baek to fall in love with everything and cry over every single feeling you've ever had ever, universe mongae when that's too much and i have to detach

i listen to universe mongae a lot in class bc my classmates fuckingh SUCKK and she sets me apart from my emotions or feeling lonely when im leaving myself out on purpose bc they're not good people

a few days ago, i was listening to yerin baek as i walked back to school from lunch and the world was suddenly so beautiful and i realised how everyone else has a consciousness and worlds just as real as mine and i fell in love with everyone (by everyone i mean like 30 people)

suddenly i couldn't even care how much i missed out on or the people who i wish loved me more because in the grand scheme of things, im allowed to be careless and love without reciprocation and it won't matter because i hold no more worth than a dragonfly... to have zero expectations for what you could and should feel or be and just enjoy yerin's voice in the moment might be one of the happiest moments i've ever had, honestly

yk whats ironic? it was a love song directed as another person that made me realise i could feel love and not care if i was still no one's favorite. life is beautiful anyway because i can love and make it beautiful on my own

not that my state of 'im fine with loving everyone alone' will last very long. i mean,, im just a mammal LMAO i can't deny my own brain chemistry

even just earlier today i finished the math test earlier and accidentally started thinking ab my childhood. idk why it happened but i did

and i remembered how i was so selfish and couldn't let anyone see i was anything less than perfect

there's one memory where i mispronounced a word and a girl corrected me. and i immediately tried to say, "no i know, but my brother says it that way and i do it too on accident". she called me out, obviously, and i rolled my eyes before whispering "it's true though" in the hope that someone would hear and think "oh she actually knew that"

it's sad to think how i used to be. that's from around 7th grade, i think, so i would've been 11 maybe?

up to a few months ago i would randomly remember that and feel insane anger and hatred for my younger self

it seems so foreign to me now and weird that i could hate a child for being brought up with horrible conditions and lacking emotional maturity. i thought that if i could go back in time i would just look at her and feel bad bc i got so much better since then

maybe even love her idk she's not having fun either 💀 do u think she enjoys holding herself to absolute perfection and looking like a dumbass in front of everyone when that's inevitably impossible??

there was another time that made me so sad to think ab

i got dragged along to my brother's friend's birthday party and some kid did smth rude

and i watched as the kid got chewed out by his mom and then went to apologise to the birthday kid

and the birthday kid just said, so seriously, "I accept your apology"

and i remember thinking smth like 'whoa that's cool id be so embarrassed talking like that'

thinking ab that time (i think i was 12ish maybe) is so crazy. like my parents did such a shit job that i thought i had to be SO ALOOF and above it all that accepting an apology was weak and embarrassing?? jesus i cannot wait to move out 💀 ill send them an email when im gone telling them everything they'd send me back to therapy for

ive been reading too much philosophy, and a lot of that revolves around the meaning of life and how to achieve happiness/catharsis. but i think i have my own conclusion of what it means to be happy even without plato haha

ive never been happier than when i began to forgive and understand myself

it feels like i can live as i want and it's not important. one of my favorite quotes is "i could die tonight and hold no more significance than a dragonfly's death". i wouldn't say im a nihilist but i do like the idea that nothing means anything other than the worlds we have in our minds

it's my mission to make those i care about happy and carve out a good future for myself

ive tried to follow a lifestyle of "i work for my future without ruining my present" but ngl i just ended up anorexic literally three times in the past 5 years 💀 idek what i did wrong like DAMN?? chill tf out hggsdhgfsgd i had a panic attack over eating an extra bit of cheese one time

also fuck my parents for giving me no life skills. raising urself is really hard and you end up with so much internalised bullshit

im honestly so proud of myself for turning everything around after 8th grade

i guess i owe a lot to my classmates for not letting me get away w bullshit and caring ab political issues

it's pretty wild that i cry at movies now when last year i was apathetic all the time

i think i like having feelings? pretty undecided still ngl

i think it's a step up

but i can't even talk to my parents ab how they fucked everything up for me and i had to pull myself out pf the absolute trenchessssss or theyll make me do family therapy and ill end up forgiving them which id rather explode than do

anyway ig my point is if you're having trouble with existence or mental health, pls don't give up on yourself. i promise there's people out there who either love you or will in the future and you just need a few quality coping mechanisms to make it through the day

whether that's antidepressants, the powerpuff girls, philosophy (:33 which it should be), yerin baek (which it also should be), or vent art, find ways to make life liveable until you're ok again. bc you always will be in the end

i probably don't know you but i love you because you have a life and a consciousness

please recognise that about everyone

i read somewhere that everything will always be alright in the end and if it's not okay yet, it's not the end either. it sounds dumb and doesn't really make sense (where's the logic lmao site ur sources at least) but it's such a nice sentiment

i think ummm i will go to school and give all my friends a big hug tmrw so pls don't be sad in the meantime

anyway loossemble's new album is good im so happy for them

this is the happiest and healthiest hyeju's ever looked i lowkey wna cry over how well theyre doing ;v;

also highkey want her to put me in a chokehold like GHSFDFJFSDHGJK those ARMSSSSSS MOTHER??

fuck modhaus tho i hope artms r doing well... fucking jaden jeong ugh

[finethingswellworn]

Thinking about Crowley. Thinking about Crowley and the Job business and "our side," and accountability,and THAT ENDING and how it all fits together.

So, I've already spilled my thoughts on the Job episode. I know. But it's been spinning around in my head since I watched it. I think it might be my favorite bit in S2. And it will never stop being fascinating to me.

Today, I want to focus on Crowley's feelings at the end of it.

I do believe that this is one of the first little inklings, the first seeds of hope, that Crowley has regarding Aziraphale.

We see in season 1 that he's disgusted that Aziraphale could attempt to justify the flood. This, to Crowley, is a morally reprehensible action and the fact that Aziraphale even pretends to be alright with it makes him almost lose respect for Aziraphale. At the very least it makes him severely uncomfortable and we see this in their first few interactions afterward with Job. Crowley is bitter and angry because of what is being done to Job and his family and angry and bitter at Aziraphale, too.

At this point, I don't think Crowley has any hope of being on the same side as Aziraphale.

All that changes when Aziraphale lies to heaven. Of course, he does it for Crowley, to cover his demonic reputation. Word certainly can't be allowed to spread that Crowley isn't as wicked as he likes people to believe. It would get him into a great deal of trouble.

Even more importantly to Crowley, though, the lie confirms what Crowley has long suspected and secretly hoped for: that Aziraphale is more moral than his fellow angels. Not that he's necessarily more angelic, to be clear. He's not. This is when we see Aziraphale first consume human food, something every other angel in heaven has absolutely no desire to do, after all.

No, it's because Aziraphale doesn't lie just for Crowley. He primarily lies for Job and his family. He lies to save them. He lies because it's the right thing to do. He lies because he's an angel who can only go along with heaven as far as he can. And he can't possibly justify the needless misery for the sake of a bet.

So, I think that Crowley thinks Aziraphale is more deserving, in Crowley's mind anyway, of Angel as a title, as something more than a sarcastic jibe, but said instead with genuine fondness.

Because the thing about Crowley is, much as he's loathed to admit it, he adores that Aziraphale is so dedicated to being an angel. Not that he's aligned with heaven mind. He hates that. But he adores Aziraphale's commitment to really truly wanting to do good in the world.

That's why he laughs at the thought of Aziraphale falling, why he can't allow him to fall, even if Aziraphale technically thwarted the will of the Almighty.

So Crowley thinks: "He'll get there in the end. He's too good to go along with heaven for ever. He'll see what they truly are eventually. And I'll wait. I have eternity to wait. And then we can be Us. I've just got to wait and see."

And he does.

Now, the ending.

Gabriel pops off to the stars. Earth, to Gabriel, is a mildly interesting curiosity. Sure, it's fun and all, but when it comes down to it, he's totally fine with leaving it behind for other things.

Aziraphale is not.

Even when he goes to heaven, he does so with the intent of making change because he loves Earth so much.

We talk a lot in the fandom about Crowley feeling unworthy of heaven. The more times I watch, however, the more I realize that he doesn't feel unworthy at all. No, he thinks heaven is unworthy of, not only himself, but especially Aziraphale.

So, from Crowley's point of view, he's waited ever so patiently, thousands and thousands of years, for Aziraphale to finally realize that the two of them are better than heaven or hell, that he, Aziraphale, is better.

He's sure Aziraphale loves him now. They're on their side. He's all set to define the relationship because, deep down, there's a part of him that's sick of waiting, that wants to know exactly where he stands. He's just seen an angel and a demon run off together and he thinks he wants that, too...

Then, Aziraphale drops the bomb on him.

We, like Crowley, know what heaven's plans are. We know they're orchestrating the Second-Coming. But Crowley has no idea what the Metatron told Aziraphale. Or, more importantly, what he left out until the very last possible moment when it was far too late for Aziraphale to object and back out.

What it comes down to for Crowley is this: he admires and loves Aziraphale for his goodness and sense of justice. Ever since Job, he's watched him grapple with moral quandaries and learn from his mistakes. but... BUT...

Crowley can't and won't respect Aziraphale's decision if he thinks what Aziraphale is doing is wrong. And I think Crowley believes the Metatron told him what the plan was which would mean that Aziraphale has agreed to go along with it. And there simply can't be an "our side" for Crowley under those circumstances.

Yes, they still love each other. Very much. More than anything or anyone in the universe.

At the end of the day, though, they're not like every other angel and demon. They could never be G and B. and forget their responsibilities to the world and humanity. In fact, I don't think they would love or respect each other nearly as much if they did, because neither of them want the other to change who they are fundamentally. They care too much about each other and about Earth for that. They are too good at holding each other accountable.

And this is what it has all been about, hasn't it? Crowley holding Aziraphale accountable throughout the centuries. Aziraphale doing the same for Crowley.

That's what Job was about. And the grave digging episode. That's what the ending was about. That's what love is about, sometimes, and it's a nightmarish, painful thing to have to do, but something they do time and time again for each other.

The Ineffables are interesting for so many reasons, but that's one of the big ones.

[metamelonisle]

Our circle of shared instrests is limited ao uhhhh the ask thing for rosalina :)

im gonna assume this is the rosalina from super mario galaxy who i think about a normal amount (lie)

sexuality headcanon: asexual

otp: N/A

brotp: Lubba. they used to be star sailors back in the day and they still have a strong bond with each other that persists even now. they're like old friends. rosalina sees most of the lumas as her children, but polari is more like her uncle, and lubba more like a brother or old friend

notp: N/A (anyone)

first headcanon that pops into my head: because she left earth so early into her life she barely remembers what's normal for humans at this point but she's so stoic and serious all the time that she will say the most out-of-pocket shit without knowing why people are choking back laughter

favorite line from this character: just. her entire speech about the cyclical nature of the universe at the end of the original Super Mario Galaxy. it's beautiful. it made me cry.

one way in which I relate to this character: obsessed with space and eats weird things off the ground sometimes without hesitation

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: being pigeonholed as the "third princess" which is something she did not ask for or even want. she's literally just an astronaut AND a milf

cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: cinnamon roll. people only hate rosalina to be a contrarian and we all know it

[pnw-chaplain]

On Men Having Emotions in Space

Watched 2001: A Space Odyssey last night and:

WOW WOW WOW THEY MADE THIS BEFORE THE MOON LANDING

This movie had men in space who felt some emotions, but it was not what I would call a "Men Having Emotions in Space" movie

What is a "Men Having Emotions in Space" movie (MHEIS)? It's a jokey term I came up with after watching Ad Astra and realizing that part of what appealed to me about it was that it spent so much time reflecting on the main character's loneliness and his desire to connect with his missing father, and used the expanse of space itself to make room for those feelings.

I've watched movies and shows that take place in space before--Firefly, Star Wars, Doctor Who, etc.--but there it felt like space was not much more than a way to have extra fun with setting and characters.

In Ad Astra, space is almost another character, but rather than actively engaging with McBride and others, it simply exists and the human characters have to react to it. They respond with fear, awe, depression. Space is so vast and so unfeeling that humans turn inward, and our focus turns to their inner lives because there is so little outward for them to really latch onto.

Another movie I'd classify as MHEIS is Sunshine, which a lot of people don't really like but which is one of my partner's favorite movies and which I really enjoyed too.

Sunshine shows a crew having to confront matters of spirituality, trust, the value of one life over many, all in a small group of people who live on a ship strapped to the back of a nuclear bomb meant to be fired into the center of the sun to revive it. Here, there's not just the emptiness of space that prompts these powerful reflections and feelings, but the sun itself becomes divine in the eyes of multiple characters. Being in the presence of even a tiny percentage of its rays about Mercury's distance away from it has profound effects on how those who experience it think about themselves and their fellow humans. This isn't because the sun magically speaks to them or anything; the simple exposure of the sun's light and heat prompts them to go inward and think on what something so intense means.

The movie has a weird structure because two thirds are this moody, slow-ish character study, and then the last third is kind of a slasher film until the last few minutes. What I like about the first part though is exactly the meditative pace, just like with Ad Astra, where you have time to really reflect on what it must be like to be in a small group (or even alone) in the vast emptiness of space, where the void really does gaze back into you and you're forced to confront things that lie deep within because space gives you nothing.

2001 also has a very slow meditative pace, but it's not so much to give space for these big reflections and emotions. The characters don't seem very interested in the vast void of space until they're directly vulnerable to it (hell, Dr. Floyd sleeps on his flight from Earth to a space station, even as "The Blue Danube" plays and we watch the station and other satellites dance above the world). The pace feels more in service of the audience directly, to appreciate the gorgeous design and to contemplate the themes of progress and violence. This, to me, means it's not MHEIS.

The "Men" in "Men Having Emotions in Space" is also important to me. In so many sci-fi stories, men predominantly take action and go on adventure and either save the day or fail. Maybe they have individual emotions--fear in 2001 when HAL goes rogue, fury and despair in The Empire Strikes Back when Luke learns his enemy is his father--but the movie doesn't give room for itself to be about the emotions of men. In a society where men aren't taught to identify their feelings and can easily live quite emotionally stunted lives, it's really meaningful to me to see movies where men have little to do but feel deeply.

Something that I haven't yet seen in MHEIS movies, but is hopefully out there, is what happens when one turns away from the great void of space and turns back toward Earth, toward home. Sunshine features a room on the ship that projects things like ocean waves and birdsong, to be used by crewmembers when they're overwhelmed and homesick, but we don't hear as much about how being in space changes their relationship with their planet. Ad Astra comes a bit closer, ending with McBride returning to Earth and starting to open his heart to human connection again after confronting his loneliness, but we really only see this in the very last moments of the film.

In real life, however, this seems to be a major part of the experience of being in space. Astronauts speak of what's called the "overview effect," the huge mental shift that occurs when you look down on the surface of Earth and realize you can't see borders, buildings, or people, but you can see both the tremendous beauty and the human-caused destruction of our home. They describe a deep sense of connectedness to all life on Earth and a desire to put aside conflicts in the name of protecting something so precious. It's a beautiful thing that we've only been able to really have in the last 60 years.

On the more bleak side, there's what's probably the most stark example MHEIS from real life, when William Shatner got to briefly go into space with Blue Origin:

I want more of this in movies. I want the men who go to space and have their Big Feelings about humanity and themselves get to be seen being changed by those feelings and coming home to live anew.

What I love about MHEIS is the time and the depth, the rich spaciousness of what is awakened in these men. I wonder about the potential of MHEIS movies to invite those of us watching to experience these emotions ourselves, and let them transform how we interact with our fellow humans on our little blue marble of a planet. Can we let even a simulated void open us up to what lies deep within our hearts, and can we allow what we find there to come forth and speak to us?