#things are so complicated when they could be so simple

[ghwostcult]

Recap

Paring: Lando Norris x reader Summary: Sometimes Lando needs some help understanding larger words luckily you don't mind simplifying it

Lando wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t the smartest person in the world and he knew that, and yes, he struggled to remember certain bigger words, but that didn’t mean he was stupid. He just needed extra help.

That was something he loved about you. If he needed help with something, you were there. You, his girlfriend, the best person he had ever met, would help him with the simple tasks that he struggled to do.

Such as cooking certain foods. Everyone had seen the monstrosity that was Lando’s eating habits. He struggled to remember to eat, and when he did, he was stuck to a diet that had many complicated meals Lando had no interest in cooking. But you had gotten used to his awful dietary requirements and had learned to cook most of the meals his trainer had requested. Some you didn’t touch because you didn’t think you could stomach them.

That was your and Lando’s relationship. You would help him out with things he needed, and in return, he would do... be Lando? Okay, so he didn’t contribute much in that part of the relationship, but in reality, Lando was the clingy one.

He would spend hours with you, acting as if he was attached with super glue, peeking over your shoulder as you worked, questioning the different things that popped up on the screen. He would do all of this with a smile, something you would pay thousands for.

Today wasn’t very different from every other non-race day for the two of you. You were sat on the couch reading through an email you had received regarding your work, and Lando’s head was leaning on your shoulder.

Reading over the same email, from what he understood, something had happened and you needed to go into the office to hold a formal meeting about it. What was the incident, you may be asking Lando? He had no clue. The words mentioned were long, extremely long.

You worked a simple office job, though recently you had moved to working online, which had been the only thing holding you back from moving in with Lando. Unfortunately for the two of you, it still meant that when there were meetings like this one, you had to go into the office, abandoning Lando. His words, not yours.

As your eyes scanned over the email, occasionally nodding along, Lando laid next to you looking at you, then at the screen, then back at you like a dog who didn’t quite understand your remark.

You had failed to notice the look from your boyfriend as you typed a reply to the email, only pausing to reread it to make sure it made sense and everything was correct. You went to hit send, but before you could, you felt a gentle tap on your arm.

Looking over at Lando, who looked up at you with gentle eyes before speaking, “What’s the meeting about?” he asked with a smile. You shook your head before reading over the email out loud, explaining what was going on in greater detail.

“Basically, Jessica needs me to come into work for this meeting being held by the executive advisor about the performance of one of the other employees in hopes we can achieve a high benefit from her.” As you spoke, Lando opened his mouth and shut it again before looking around the room.

His voice was soft and quiet, slightly ashamed of what he had asked. “Can you say that again, but take all the words bigger than two syllables out for me and simplify it?”

You nodded with a smile before repeating your words. “Jessica wants me to meet with her boss about another person’s work habits.” As you explained, you could see it click in Lando’s mind as he nodded along.

“Ahhh that makes so much sense. Thanks, love,” he said, looking down slightly and hiding his head into your shoulder, embarrassed that he didn’t understand the first time.

Noticing his mood, you gently pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Anytime, darling,” your voice was muffled by his curls, but he could hear you clearly. You could feel the smile take over his face as he replied, kissing your shoulder.

[mikaylathenerd5]

Happy Birthday, Mrs. Reigns | R.R. Smut

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“You married me that night and then let him keep the wedding on the calendar.” - R

A/N: Wanted to post a birthday-themed post ❤️ Hope you enjoy it!!

Summary: It’s Asha’s first birthday as Mrs. Reigns, and nothing about it feels simple. Between complicated feelings, outside opinions, and everything left unsaid, she’s not sure how to celebrate herself—let alone this new chapter. But Roman? He always shows up when it matters most. And tonight, he has no intention of letting her forget exactly who she is… or who she belongs to.

Content Warning: This one-shot contains explicit sexual content (18+), emotionally vulnerable moments, mentions of past infidelity and relationship conflict, language, and themes of emotional tension and healing. Reader discretion is advised.

Word Count: ~5.5k

The first thing Asha noticed was the silence.

Not the soft, morning kind—the one that greeted you with peace and sunbeams. No, this one was loud in its stillness. Empty. Familiar. The kind of silence that reminded you no one was coming.

Her phone screen lit up on the nightstand.

Nothing.

No missed calls. No texts. No “Happy birthday, baby” with a dozen heart emojis like he used to send when they first got engaged.

Just a silent lock screen. A picture of her and Zaire—taken at All-Star weekend. His hand on her waist, his smile perfect, his love polished.

She turned the phone over. Face-down.

Asha laid there for a while, one arm bent over her forehead, staring at the ceiling. The air was too warm. Her throat was dry. Her stomach… hollow.

She hated that feeling—expectation and disappointment getting drunk together in her chest.

But she’d told herself Zaire was the safe choice. The predictable one. The kind of man who looked good on paper and never missed a press appearance—even if he forgot her birthday. It was easier to stay than start over. Easier to pretend polished love was real love.

Her planner was still cracked open beside the bed, clinging to last week’s page.

Wedding Day – April 20th.

She crossed it out with the edge of her nail. Hard. Like that could scratch the whole thing out of her life.

Her phone buzzed again.

She grabbed it too fast—heart lurching—but it wasn’t Zaire.

ESPN.She didn’t bother opening it. Just swiped it away.

Then opened Instagram. Zaire’s story was ten minutes old.

A video. Him walking up the stairs to a plane, hoodie on, headphones over his ears. The caption:

✈️ Roadwork. See y’all tonight.

No tag. No mention. No "Happy birthday to my fiancée."

She closed the app. Locked her phone.

Her throat burned. Not from tears. From holding them in.

She used to love birthdays.

Counted down to them with giddy pride. Practiced her birthday wish like it could fix things. Like it could make people stay.

Birthdays were supposed to feel like magic. Like people waking up with you on their mind. Like candles and laughter and “I couldn’t wait to celebrate you.”

But somewhere between then and now, birthdays stopped being magic.

They just became reminders. Of who shows up. And who doesn’t.

Asha moved through the kitchen like she was underwater. Her birthday cupcakes still sat in a plastic container on the counter—three red velvet, untouched. She’d bought them herself. Stuck her own name on the label just so the cashier wouldn’t ask.

The lavender candle she meant to light was still sealed. The wine unopened.

She set both down gently. Her hand hovered over the lighter, but she didn’t reach for it.

He doesn’t even know today matters.

Asha didn’t realize she was whispering until the words caught in her throat.

Maybe he does know. And that’s worse.

The knock at the door startled her.

She froze.

Nobody just showed up.

She crossed to the door barefoot, tension in every step. One peek through the peephole—

A delivery man. Holding something round and black. Elegant.

She opened the door slowly.

“Delivery for Asha Langston,” he said with a polite nod. “Happy birthday.”

“…Thanks,” she murmured, stepping forward.

The box was heavy. She shut the door with her hip and carried it to the kitchen island.

It looked expensive. Velvet and matte. Her hands hovered over the lid for a second too long.

Then she lifted it.

Dozens of deep red roses. Arranged in a spiral, rich and velvety, full of perfume and color and care.

Tucked into the center was a small black velvet box.

She didn’t move at first.

Then, slowly, she reached for it.

Inside was a delicate gold necklace, warm-toned and fine, the kind of subtle luxury that whispered. One small “R” charm curled next to a soft glint of blue-green—her birthstone. The color of ocean glass.

Her breath caught.

He remembered.

She hadn’t even remembered to wear jewelry today.

And he—

She opened the folded card pressed beneath the flowers.

To my favorite accident.Happy Birthday, Asha.You’re unforgettable.— R

Her fingers trembled.

Not from surprise. From the way it felt to be seen.

To be remembered like this. On purpose.

Zaire once told her birthstones were for horoscope girls. Said he didn’t believe in sentimental jewelry.

“Gold’s gold,” he’d said, when she told him once—quietly—that she loved pieces that felt personal.

She’d never brought it up again.

Now here she was. Holding something that felt like it had been picked just for her. Not for a crowd. Not for a caption. Just… her.

And it hurt.

Because it wasn’t Zaire who gave it to her.

Asha sank onto the couch, necklace in her palm, and stared at the flowers like they might disappear.

A memory flickered. Vegas. The hotel room. Roman’s voice in the dark:

“I notice everything about you.”

Back then, she thought it was just something men said when the lights were off. But now? With this necklace in her hand? She wasn’t so sure.

Her thumb brushed the “R” charm again.

She didn’t know what she felt. Not exactly. But it was sharp. And soft. And terrifying.

Her phone buzzed again on the counter.

This time, the name glowed across the screen:

ZURI 💅🏾 LOUD ASS.

Asha exhaled once.

Then reached for it.

“Hey.”

“Don’t ‘hey’ me. I know that cupcake ain’t talking back to you.”

Asha sniffed quietly, pulling her sleeve over her hand. “I’m fine.”

“Mmhm. Get up. Café Mae. Twenty minutes. You need food, fresh air, and me. In that order.”

Click.

Asha stared at the screen for a second longer. Let herself breathe.

Then the phone buzzed again — same caller.

She picked up without saying anything.

Zuri didn’t miss a beat.

“Another thing—happy birthday, hoe. Love ya. Bye.”

Click.

This time, Asha smiled.

For real.

The café’s front windows breathed soft light onto the sidewalk. Asha leaned against the brick wall just outside the entrance, her phone still warm in her hand from Zuri’s call.

Zuri didn’t give her time to spiral. She never did.

The second Asha stepped inside, she spotted her best friend in the far booth — hair up in a clean, high puff, earrings big and bold, gold rings stacked like she’d been ready for war since sunrise. Zuri didn’t do halfway. And she didn’t pretend either.

Her eyes locked on Asha the moment she walked in, and her expression shifted. Not to pity — Zuri didn’t pity people — but to something gentler. Focused.

“You look like you been listening to Summer Walker and ignoring your vitamins,” she said, sliding a glass of pineapple juice across the table.

Asha let out a short breath that might’ve been a laugh. She sat down, adjusting the sleeves of her hoodie. No makeup. No jewelry—except the one thing she hadn’t been able to take off.

Zuri didn’t notice it at first. She was too busy waving the waitress over and talking about how she was gonna need extra syrup for her pancakes or else she’d flip the damn table. But eventually, as Asha reached for the honey for her tea, Zuri blinked. Then squinted. Then leaned in.

“Wait. What’s that on your neck?”

Asha froze. “What?”

“Don’t play dumb. That’s a gold chain. With an R. Is that your birthstone? Girl—”

“It was a gift.”

“From who? Wait—” Zuri stared at her. And then her voice dropped, quieter now. Sincere. “Did Zaire send that?”

Asha looked away. “No.”

Zuri blinked. Once. Twice. “So he didn’t even send you a text?”

“No call. No post. Just his assistant wishing me a happy birthday in our group chat.”

Zuri sat back, the humor gone now. Her brows were furrowed, her voice low. “And the man who married you drunk in Vegas sent you a necklace and remembered your birthstone?”

Asha nodded once. She didn’t have it in her to explain the roses. The note. The silence he gave her afterward so she wouldn’t feel cornered.

Zuri exhaled and leaned forward again. “So cancel the wedding.”

Asha blinked.

Zuri didn’t flinch. “You keep trying to act like you owe that man your life because he was safe. But what has safe actually done for you, Asha?”

Silence lingered between them. A waitress dropped off their plates and refilled the juice, but neither of them spoke until the clinking faded.

Then Asha finally said it. “Can you cancel the venue?”

Zuri paused, her face softening. “You serious?”

“I just… I can’t see it on my calendar anymore.”

Zuri nodded. Not dramatic. Not smug. Just Zuri. “Say less.”

Asha’s breath escaped her chest like a door had finally opened. She stared down at her plate. The syrup pooled into the corner like it didn’t want to touch anything.

“You want me to also cancel the part where you keep pretending he’s a good man?”

Asha smiled without lifting her head. “Start with the venue.”

They parted just outside the café. Zuri pulled her into a hug, tight and warm and brimming with everything Asha didn’t say out loud.

“Happy birthday, Ash. Go where the love is.”

Asha nodded. She didn’t trust her voice.

She made it halfway down the block before her phone buzzed again.

ROMAN Happy birthday, Asha. I didn’t want to crowd your day… just wanted you to know you deserve to feel held, even when nobody’s watching. Hope today gave you at least a little bit of that. And if not… you know where I’m at.

She didn’t text back. But she read it twice.

And when she slipped the phone back into her coat pocket, her fingers brushed the gold “R” charm resting above her heart.

She was still smiling.

The sun had long dipped beneath the skyline by the time Asha stepped back into her apartment. The air felt heavier than usual—not stifling, but thick with the kind of stillness that came after too many thoughts had been left unspoken.

Warm light glowed from the kitchen, where her favorite candle sat on a warmer, quietly releasing the scent of vanilla and spice into the air. She didn’t light it today. Didn’t need open flame. Just wanted something soft. Something steady.

She slipped off her shoes and coat, toes curling into the floor as she poured herself a glass of wine. The stem felt cool in her hand, the weight familiar. Her gaze wandered—not on purpose—and landed on the bouquet still sitting on the dining table.

A vase of bold red roses sat near the window, fresh and dramatic. Tall black marble. Gold lettering along the base. Expensive without being loud. Thoughtful without needing to explain itself. The kind of arrangement that didn’t whisper affection—it declared it. Like Roman had known exactly what message he wanted to send without ever signing his name.

She hadn’t thrown them out.

She hadn’t even moved them.

She’d rinsed the vase. Refilled it with water. And sat them at the center of her apartment like some unspoken centerpiece to a day she didn’t know how to feel about.

The card was still beside it.

Unopened.

She took another sip of wine just as the knock came—three soft taps, deliberate and steady.

Her spine straightened. She set the glass down.

Checked the peephole.

Roman.

Black hoodie. Gray sweats. One hand in his pocket. The other carrying a matte black takeout bag with a gold emblem stamped on the side—Torenzo’s. The place she used to joke about being overhyped. Until he took her there once and she accidentally moaned over the risotto.

She opened the door slowly.

He didn’t speak.

His eyes flicked up and down, catching her at the edge of tiredness and tension, and then landing right where her collar dipped. Where the delicate gold chain glinted under the low kitchen light. Where the tiny “R” charm lay tucked beside her birthstone, warm against her skin.

“You wore it,” he said, voice low and unreadable.

She didn’t speak. Just nodded, her hand rising almost unconsciously to touch the charm. Her thumb brushed across the letter before she realized she was doing it.

Roman’s jaw flexed. He shifted slightly, the takeout bag rustling in his hand.

“Didn’t know if you’d eaten. Figured you deserved better than cold cupcakes.”

Asha blinked, something tightening in her throat. Zaire would’ve sent a text. Maybe.Roman showed up.

She didn’t move.

Didn’t breathe.

Not until her eyes caught the soft look on his face—restrained, but present.

She stepped aside.

He walked in—brushing past the bouquet without ever glancing at it—and set the food gently on the kitchen counter. She watched him move like he’d done it a hundred times before.

She opened her mouth, hesitated. “You didn’t have to…”

“Yeah, I did.” He paused. His voice dropped, rough at the edges. “Didn’t want you going to sleep thinking nobody showed up.”

A few seconds passed—too long, too quiet.

Then the door clicked shut behind them.

One Week Ago

The room looked like wealth. Gold-rimmed glasses, roses that had never seen a grocery store, a jazz trio tucked in the corner playing notes that didn’t dare interrupt the silence. The lighting was warm and low—not cozy, but curated. Asha sat at a table that felt more like a stage.

Zaire was beside her in a tailored dove-grey suit, quiet and unreadable, his phone face-down next to his water glass. Asha had matched the energy—sleek black dress, heels high enough to hurt, posture perfect. But none of it made the food taste better. None of it softened the knot in her stomach.

His mother had been speaking for ten minutes without a pause. The kind of woman who wielded compliments like warning shots.

“You’ve always been such a… challenge, Asha.” She said it sweetly, like a joke meant to land softer. It didn’t. “But that’s what makes things exciting, right? Keeps Zaire sharp.”

Asha blinked slowly. “Sharp must be exhausted.”

Zaire didn’t laugh. Didn’t correct his mother either. He just reached for his wine and sipped like he hadn’t heard a thing.

His father leaned back. “We’ve spoken to the planners.” Asha’s stomach tightened.

“Everything’s been pushed back. Venue. Catering. PR. It’s handled.”

He didn’t even ask. Just expected her to be thankful for the cleanup crew.

“You should be grateful,” he added, eyes locking on hers.And that was it. The line she couldn’t unhear.He looked straight at Asha. “You should be grateful.”

Her fingers tensed beneath the tablecloth.

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“And yet we did. Because we clean up our son’s messes. Even when they’re not entirely his.” “You’re still planning to marry into this family, Asha. Consider what that requires.”

She caught her reflection in the polished silverware—expression still poised, chin lifted. Her silence was a skill now. But her tongue ached from biting it.

Zaire said nothing.

His mother folded her hands, eyes warm and cruel. “And hopefully, this wrestler situation doesn’t spiral. The announcement already embarrassed a few partners. But we’ll move forward.”

Asha tilted her head slightly. “Excuse me?”

His father didn’t pause. “Roman Reigns is a performer. Men like him thrive off chaos. They don’t think about how it reflects on women like you. You’re caught in the smoke of his spectacle. That’s why we stepped in.”

A slow, simmering beat passed.

Then Asha said, quiet but precise: “One of those men happens to be my brother.”

The jazz trio didn’t stop playing—but the tension in the room cut through every note.

His mother blinked. His father’s jaw moved but produced nothing. Even Zaire shifted, but only to adjust the cuff of his jacket. He didn’t say a word.

Asha folded her napkin neatly and placed it beside her plate. “So if we’re handing out gratitude, maybe offer a little back—for how long I’ve held my tongue.”She let the silence sit. “And for how much more I could say.”

Zaire looked down at his wine glass again.

Still. Nothing.

Something wilted in her chest.

“Excuse me,” she said softly, rising from the table.

She walked across the sleek marble, her heels echoing louder than any voice in the room. The bathroom door closed behind her with a soft click that felt like a slammed door.

Inside, she braced both hands on the sink.

Her breath came fast. Her chest tight. The mirror showed her the same face she’d walked in with—lipstick still sharp, lashes still full, bones still high. But her eyes...

Her eyes looked like someone who just watched a house she built burn to the ground—while the man inside refused to leave.

Her phone buzzed in her clutch.

1 Missed Call — Roman Reigns 10:14 PM

She stared at the name. Her thumb hovered.

But she didn’t press it. Didn’t call back.

She just held the phone tighter.

Present Day 

Now, that same hoodie from that night was clinging to Roman’s frame as he stood in her doorway.

Takeout bag in one hand. Silence in the other.

His eyes flicked to the necklace resting on her collarbone. “You wore it.”

She nodded. No words yet.

She felt that in her chest.

Her hand drifted unconsciously toward her ring—his ring—and then stopped.

“It was supposed to be a mistake,” she murmured.

Roman’s jaw flexed once. But his voice didn’t rise.

“You wore my name,” he said. “You’re still wearing it.”

Her throat tightened.

“That boy doesn’t have a chance,” he went on, casual but cutting. “I don’t give a fuck what that boy got to say. Or your lame-ass brother either.”

Her brow rose—but not in protest. It was the truth of it that made it hard to argue.

“He treats you like a PR move,” Roman said. “Like you’re something to bring out when he needs to look a certain way. Then he forgets you the second it’s not convenient.”

Asha looked away.

“I just wanted you to feel like someone showed up,” he finished, voice softening again. “Even if it was just me.”

She didn’t speak right away.

Roman held up the black-and-gold takeout bag. “Torenzo’s.”

Her brows shot up. “You remembered that?”

“You only said it once.” His voice was quiet but steady. “I listen when it’s you.”

Asha turned, lips parting slightly. There wasn’t a good response to that. She moved to the kitchen, pulling two plates from the cabinet. He helped unpack everything—grilled sea bass, truffle risotto, charred broccolini, still warm bread with rosemary butter.

Roman plated hers first. No rush, no instructions. Just care.

They sat down on the couch, not shoulder-to-shoulder but close enough that the tension hung between them like humidity—undeniable, heavy, waiting.

She sipped her wine. He didn’t drink.

They ate quietly at first.

Until Asha caught herself watching the way he cut his food, his shoulders relaxed for once. She swallowed hard and took a breath.

“This feels weird,” she admitted.

Roman didn’t look up. “Eating with your husband?”

Her gaze jerked to his face.

He finally met her eyes and gave the smallest smile. “Still feels real to me.”

She blinked—once, then twice—and looked down at her plate.

He reached for the bread, split it in half, and passed her a piece like it was second nature. Like they’d done it before. Like he’d always be that steady hand.

And suddenly she didn’t want to pretend she didn’t miss that kind of ease.

After dinner, Roman stood up and crossed to the counter again.

She watched him open the bakery box with practiced care, then pull out one cupcake—deep red velvet, piped high with cream cheese frosting, dusted in edible gold flakes.

From his hoodie pocket, he pulled a single candle.

He lit it using the small glass lighter sitting near her wax warmer.

Then he turned and brought the cupcake over slowly, holding it in both hands like something sacred.

“Make a wish,” he said, voice almost a whisper. “And don’t lie about what you really want.”

Asha stared at him. At the way the flame made his eyes softer. At the necklace he gave her resting against her collarbone.

She blew the candle out.

Roman didn’t move.

She reached for him first.

Her fingers curled into the front of his hoodie. She kissed him slow—no rush, no edge, just everything she hadn’t said out loud.

He tasted like dinner and quiet devotion.

When he pulled her in, his hand went to the small of her back and didn’t move. The other braced behind her on the couch—his grip tight, fingers flexing against the cushion like he was barely holding back. Asha gasped into his mouth

“You want something real?” He murmured. 

She nodded.

“Then stop pretending you don’t already have it.”

His mouth found hers again, hungrier this time. The kiss turned from soft to aching in a heartbeat.

The red velvet cupcake sat forgotten. The candle burned down in the kitchen behind them.

His knuckles brushed her bare thigh—slow, reverent. She was still in her lounge shorts and a soft, ribbed tank. Her body was tense beneath the quiet. But not pulling away.

His voice came low, almost inaudible. “Let me see you.”

Asha nodded.

Roman leaned in, mouth grazing hers with a kiss that lingered. Not rushed. Not rough. Just full. He kissed her again. And again. Until her shoulders dropped and her chest rose to meet his. Until her breath hitched and her hand found the curve of his jaw like muscle memory.

Then his hands moved—down her body, gripping the hem of her shorts. He tugged gently, knuckles grazing the underside of her thighs as he drew them down. Her panties came with them, damp from everything he’d already done to her with words alone.

He didn’t break eye contact.

Didn’t ask permission again.

Roman knelt between her legs like he belonged there.

Like she was some divine offering and he was starving on his knees.

His hands wrapped around her thighs, spreading her open with quiet reverence. His breath coasted over her center, warm and steady—teasing her without even touching. Asha felt the way her body pulsed for him, the way her thighs tried to close on instinct. Roman growled low in his throat and gripped tighter.

“Nah,” he murmured. “You been acting like this don’t belong to me.”

Then he licked her.

Long and slow.

One smooth stroke of his tongue up her slit, tasting every drop like he was collecting her on his tongue. Asha let out a trembling breath—but Roman wasn’t satisfied with that.

He flattened his tongue against her clit and held it there, not moving, just applying pressure, just waiting.

It worked.

Her hips lifted, lips parting on a sharp gasp. Roman smiled against her. “There she is…”

Then he got to work.

He licked her with slow, controlled precision, alternating between dragging his tongue up her folds and circling her clit. Every stroke was deliberate. Every motion a study in restraint. He was savoring her, not just going through the motions. Tongue firm. Mouth warm. Beard grazing her thighs just enough to make her squirm.

“Fuck, Roman—” she whispered.

He didn’t respond.

He sucked her clit into his mouth instead. Soft at first. Then harder. Then he let it pop free with a low moan that vibrated straight through her. Asha’s body jolted, fingers digging into the cushion beside her.

Roman didn’t stop.

He tilted her hips up slightly, locking one arm under her thigh while the other hand slid up to her breast. His thumb brushed her nipple, slow circles that made her cry out. At the same time, his tongue flattened again, licking fast, building heat. He alternated between that and teasing flicks over her clit, stopping only to breathe her in, to taste her like he never wanted to forget.

Asha gripped the couch, her body teetering between pleasure and panic. It felt too good—too personal. Like he knew things about her she hadn’t told anyone. She didn’t know whether to run from it or fall apart.

“You shaking already?” he teased, voice hoarse. “And I haven’t even fucked you yet.”

Then he buried his face deeper.

Sucked harder.

His tongue moved with brutal control—slow when she needed fast, fast when she thought she couldn’t take more. He read her like a map, adjusting with every whimper, every arch, every time she whispered his name like a secret.

Her thighs were trembling now.

Her hands slipped down to his head, fingers threading through his thick curls, trying to ground herself. Roman grunted, and the vibration pushed her over the edge.

She came with a soft cry, her body locking up, thighs trying to close around his face. Roman didn’t let her. He held her open and kept licking—softer now, coaxing her through it, letting her ride the aftershocks as his lips ghosted over her sensitive clit.

When he finally pulled back, his mouth and beard were wet.

He dragged the back of his hand across his mouth, then sucked the taste off his fingers, eyes locked on hers.

“Better than that sorry-ass birthday text you didn’t get, huh?”

Asha could barely breathe.

Roman stood, reached for the waistband of his sweats, and freed himself with one hand. He stroked slowly, watching her squirm, the “R” charm still resting right over her heartbeat.

“You ready?” he murmured, voice deep, thick with want.

“I’ve been ready,” she breathed.

He smirked.

And that’s when he moved in closer—cock thick, heavy, lined up just right.

Roman dragged the swollen head of his cock through her slick folds—slow, deliberate. Teasing her overstimulated clit just enough to make her gasp again.

“You feel that?” he murmured. “That’s what happens when I taste what’s mine.”

Her thighs parted wider.

And Roman didn’t wait anymore.

He slid in deep.

Asha’s back arched off the couch with a gasp so sharp it knocked the wind out of her. He filled her in one long stroke, thick and pulsing, her walls stretching to take every heavy inch. It wasn’t rushed—just inevitable. Like gravity. Like a promise made flesh.

Roman groaned low in his throat, his forehead dropping to hers.

“Fuck… You’re always so warm,” he whispered, his voice strained. “Always pullin’ me in like you need me.”

He rolled his hips, grinding into her, staying deep. Asha whimpered. Her hands flew to his back, nails raking across tan skin, needing more. Needing him.

“Say it,” he whispered. “Say you missed me.”

She whimpered again, breath stuttering. “I missed you.”

Roman’s lips ghosted across her cheek, his hips slowly pulling back.

Then he thrust again—hard.

Her moan was sharp, raw, swallowed by his mouth as he kissed her. His thrusts picked up, fast and deep, hitting every nerve ending like a punishment wrapped in a prayer.

“You married me,” he panted. “That night… you said I do.”

She didn’t answer—not out loud.

Her legs wrapped around his waist tighter, drawing him in closer, her body giving him her truth.

Roman’s mouth crashed into hers again, rougher this time. Messier. His fingers tangled in her curls as he fucked her through the silence. Sweat formed between them. Her necklace glinted between her breasts like it belonged there.

“You still wearing my name,” he groaned. “Still letting me inside you like this—like you know nobody else can touch you like this.”

Asha cried out, her hands gripping the back of the couch. Roman’s hand slammed against it too, fingers flexing against the cushion, holding himself back by a thread.

He pulled out slightly—just enough to make her whine—and then drove back in, rougher this time.

“That boy,” he said, voice nearly breaking with frustration, “he forgets your birthday. I remember how you breathe when you come.”

His hand slid between their bodies, thumb finding her clit. She jolted. Her thighs clenched. The rhythm faltered—then deepened. She shattered beneath him, crying out his name like it was the only language she knew.

“Say it,” he grunted, lips at her ear. “Say who you belong to.”

“You—fuck—you.”

“That’s right.”

He fucked her harder, the couch creaking under them, her legs locked around his waist now.

Roman’s face hovered just above hers—eyes wild, mouth open, breath harsh. And then he slowed.

Ground his hips deep.

Rolled them.

Until Asha was sobbing beneath him, clutching at his back like she didn’t know where her body ended and his began.

“I’m not letting go of you,” he whispered, forehead pressed to hers. “You hear me?”

She nodded, her voice a shaky whisper. “I hear you.”

And when she came again—body clenching, hips bucking, vision blurring—it was with his name falling from her lips like worship.

Roman followed seconds later, his moan guttural, drawn from the base of his spine as he buried himself inside her one last time.

Then silence.

Just the sound of their breathing, and the quiet weight of what couldn’t be unsaid anymore.

Roman didn’t move right away. Just brushed his thumb over her cheek, then down to the “R” charm resting on her chest.

His voice was quieter now. Still rough. Still sure.

“Happy fucking birthday, Mrs. Reigns.”

The only sounds left in the room were the rise and fall of their breathing and the occasional shift of fabric beneath their bodies. Sweat cooled on Asha’s skin as Roman eased back, chest rising with the weight of what they didn’t say.

He didn’t rush. He never did when it mattered.

Roman’s hand lingered at the dip of her waist, fingers flexing lightly like he didn’t want to lose contact yet. Like if he let go too fast, she might float away.

Without a word, he sat up, slipped off the couch, and disappeared down the hall. She heard the faucet run. When he returned, a damp towel hung from his hand, warm and fresh.

Kneeling beside her, Roman cleaned her with a reverence that didn’t need language. He moved slowly, wiping between her thighs like she was something precious, not something he’d just fucked into breathless silence.

When he looked up, his eyes weren’t clouded with lust anymore. Just clarity.

“You good?” he asked gently.

Asha nodded. But something in her eyes made him pause.

Roman leaned up, pressing a kiss to her temple. “I mean more than that.”

She didn’t answer, and he didn’t push. Instead, he stood, bare still, and crossed to grab the hoodie he’d tossed over the kitchen stool earlier. As he slipped it on, he pulled something small from the pocket—a black envelope, no larger than his palm.

He placed it down beside her. No speech. No drama.

She blinked at it. Then at him.

Roman offered her a look—steady, unreadable, heartbreakingly soft. Like he had one foot out the door, but his heart hadn’t followed.

Asha sat up, the blanket gathering at her waist. Her voice came quietly:

“…You don’t have to go.”

Roman stilled. Then turned.

She lifted her chin, eyes vulnerable but resolute. “Stay.”

There was a beat. A flicker of something fragile in his gaze.

Then, Roman nodded. Not rushed. Not smug. Just real.

He crossed back to her and slipped under the blanket without hesitation, like her body was the only place that made sense. She melted into him, head against his chest, heartbeat syncing with his. One of his arms tucked under her neck. The other wrapped around her waist, grounding her.

“You feel safe?” he asked, voice low in her hair.

“Yeah,” she whispered.

They lay like that for a long time. No noise but the city outside and the soft hum of comfort finally allowed.

A buzz broke the stillness.

Asha’s phone lit up across the table.

Zaire. Calling.

Roman looked at the screen. Then back at her. “You want me to grab it?”

“No,” she said.

He waited.

Then reached for it himself. Answering wasn’t on the table. He just pressed silence, flipped it screen-down, and returned to her.

“He doesn’t get to interrupt this,” Roman murmured. “Not after forgetting the day you were born.”

Asha didn’t reply, but her hand curled into the fabric of his hoodie. She buried her face into the crook of his neck, breathing in the warmth of him, of this night, of everything she thought she didn’t deserve.

After a while, she reached for the envelope.

Inside was a single card. No gold trim. No extravagant message.

Just ink. Just him.

Let me know when you’re ready to be loved out loud. — R

Her throat tightened.

She looked down at her left hand—where the slim gold wedding band rested against her skin. Still there. Still hers. She’d never taken it off, not even when she should’ve.

The “R” charm on her necklace caught the glow, resting over her pulse like a quiet truth finally speaking.

Roman wasn’t asleep. She could feel his gaze on her even with her back turned.

“You’re not just a wish I made,” she whispered, thumb grazing the card. “You feel like the answer.”

He didn’t say anything.

But the way his arm pulled her closer, the way he kissed her shoulder, said more than words ever could.

She didn’t need to make another wish.

She was already wearing it.

Author’s Note: This one’s soft, a little messy, and full of unspoken feelings. Asha’s not sure how to celebrate herself—but Roman makes sure to always remind Asha what she deserves.

Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed this, make sure to check out the masterlist for more stories and join the taglist so you never miss an update. Your support means everything. 🤍

[wlwoceaneyes]

The weight of what we left behind

pairing: emily prentiss x masc!reader word count: 2.4 k summary: When Spencer Reid’s world unravels, your path crosses with Emily Prentiss again — and so does everything you thought you’d left behind. You’re the sharp-suited attorney brought in to save him from prison. She’s the Unit Chief trying to hold her team together. And between you? Unfinished history, quiet tension, and a spark that never really went out. tags: unresolved feelings, tension you can taste, defense attorney!reader, Unit Chief Emily Prentiss pictures: Kelly Sikkema Unsplash // Hermes Rivera Unsplash

A/N: This story is based on this anonymous request I received — thank you, whoever you are, for the prompt and the trust! I really hope this hits the notes you were hoping for. And I hope you like it, I got a bit carried away while writing...

The first time you see her again, it’s at Quantico. You’re wearing your usual: a tailored navy suit with crisp lines, open collar, and polished shoes that catch the light as you move. You don’t wear this outfit to impress, — never —but because you’ve learned that presence matters in rooms like these. People underestimate how much power lives in a clean cut and quiet confidence. Still, there’s a flicker of something in Emily Prentiss’s eyes when she sees you in the hallway. Something that starts as surprise and twists quickly into something warmer, heavier, and far more complicated. You try to hide your amused grin behind your folder, which you lift up as a greeting.

She steps toward you, slow but purposeful, like she’s still deciding whether this is a welcome reunion or an inconvenient echo from another lifetime.

“Didn’t expect to see you back here,” she says, arms crossed, tone attempting neutrality but fraying at the edges.

You arch a brow, the familiar smirk tugging at your lips. “Didn’t expect to get called in on an FBI internal disaster. But then again, I never say no to a challenge.”

A shadow passes over her face — not from you, but from the reason you’re here. Reid. You’ve read the file. Every line of it. You’d followed the case from a distance — as much as anyone outside the Bureau could. Reid, arrested in Mexico, caught crossing the border with a controlled substance linked to an unsanctioned trip and a body in his wake. His motives blurred by personal desperation, by the crumbling health of his mother, by a web of international jurisdiction and internal politics no one at the FBI seemed eager to unravel.

They hung him out to dry.

You’ve seen it before. You’ve built your career on cleaning up the mess left when institutions protect themselves before their people. And Spencer Reid, despite everything, is still one of theirs. Still a profiler, still a colleague, still Emily’s team. And if there’s one thing Emily Prentiss doesn’t do, it’s abandon her own.

You glance past her shoulder, through the glass walls of the bullpen. A team unraveling. Pressure pressing from every side. And there she stands in the center of it, trying to hold it all together with duct tape and sheer will.

“You’re the only one I could trust,” she says, after a pause too long to be professional. Her voice is softer now, rough around the edges like it’s been ground down by months of crisis.

You tilt your head slightly. “That’s a dangerous thing to say to a defense attorney.”

Her lip quirks. “Then let’s keep it between us.”

It’s not just a formality. There’s a weight in her voice. And you nod, once. “Then let’s bring him home.”

And just like that, you’re pulled back into orbit. Same gravity, same burn.

You and Emily haven’t spoken properly in years. Not since that case in Marseille, when you were both younger and still pretending your lives were simple. You remember the tension then, the long nights, the way she always read your thoughts before you spoke them. You remember the almosts, the drinks you didn’t have, the silence after she left.

And now here she is, Unit Chief of the BAU, standing a little too close, eyes scanning your face like she’s wondering how much has changed.

You become a fixture at Quantico. A disruption at first not in the loud, brash sense, but something subtler. Your presence shifts the balance. You command space and you don’t apologize for it.

Each morning you arrive with coffee, three cups in a tray and one in your hand for her. You hand it over without a word, and she accepts it without thanks, because there’s no need. You still remember how she takes it. Black, no sugar.

It doesn’t go unnoticed.

Garcia watches you like she’s watching the second act of a drama she’s been rooting for since season one. One afternoon she plants herself beside you in the bullpen and sighs dreamily.

“That suit is illegal in five states,” she says, chin propped on her hand. “Seriously, you make Armani look like a lifestyle choice.”

You smile around the rim of your coffee. “Flattery will get you classified files, Penelope.”

She winks. “And Emily? Blink twice if you’re emotionally compromised.”

Emily doesn’t blink. Just walks past with a muttered, “You’re all children,” but her gaze lingers on you longer than necessary.

--

It’s in the interrogation room that you see her — really see her — again. Not the composed Unit Chief shaped by years of protocol and paper-pushing, but the woman you met in smoky bars and narrow alleyways, the one who once stood shoulder to shoulder with you under the hot Marseille sun, a cigarette in one hand and danger thrumming beneath her skin. The fire in her eyes now is the same. Unfiltered and unrelenting.

You stand back, arms folded across your chest, blazer tailored to sharp angles, shoes planted like you own the ground beneath them. You only watch, because Emily Prentiss doesn’t need help. She needs space to act. And you’re not the type to get in the way of a storm in full swing.

Emily leans across the table, palms flat against the metal, her voice like cut glass — smooth, cold, and devastating. Her blouse dips slightly as she moves in, hovering just close enough to make the air feel heavier.

“You think you can lie to me?” she murmurs, tone even but lethal. “You think you can twist your story into knots and I won’t notice the frayed ends?”

The suspect shifts in his seat, there is a twitch in his jaw, a flicker in his gaze. She’s got him.

She begins to move — slow, deliberate — the way a hawk circles prey that’s already bleeding. Her questions are scalpels now: slicing, layering and precise. Each one tighter than the last. Each answer he gives pulls the noose a little more.

What he thought were clever lies unravel into threads of panic. And in the silence between her words, the fear blooms.“If you so much as breathed near Spencer Reid with intent,” she continues, and you catch the subtle quiver in her fingers, the steel threaded with fury, “I’ll bury you in federal process so deep, you’ll beg for solitary just to remember what your own voice sounds like.”

The man breaks, not with a bang, but a slow, visible collapse. His breath stutters in his chest before it ever makes it to his mouth. His eyes dart from Emily to the door, his hands tremble. You watch as something in his shoulders folds inward, caving under the weight of her words and the inevitability of the truth.

He tries to speak, but the syllables tumble out in fragments — half-formed, half-swallowed, like his mouth can’t keep up with the panic clawing up his throat.

“I… I didn’t mean— It wasn’t— I just…”

His gaze drops to the table, as if the cold surface might offer sanctuary. But Emily doesn’t let up — she doesn’t need to. She simply straightens, her eyes never leaving his, and in that charged silence you see it: he’s done.

Not because she shouted, not because she threatened him. She saw right through him, and he knew it.

Emily straightens slowly, the faint crack of her bones echoing in the tense room, a breath held tight deep in her ribs, fire banked but far from extinguished. She doesn’t meet your eyes again until the door hisses shut behind her.

“That was…”

“Hot?” you offer, one brow arched, the corner of your mouth tugging upward.

She turns that signature glare on you, but there’s a flicker of amusement behind it. “Effective.”

You grin wider, shoulder to shoulder now, warmth blooming between you.

--

She sees you in action, too. It’s not the same, there is no mirrored glass, no interrogation table, but it’s no less commanding.

The courtroom isn’t built for grace, but you move through it like a conductor guiding an orchestra of chaos. Every step is deliberate, every gesture precise. Sometimes it feels like a carefully learned dance: the steps, the mimicry, the controlled movements. You stand beside Reid, shoulders straight, confidence rippling from you like silk under tension. Your suit, dark and perfectly cut, shifts with every breath. Your presence fills the room, not loud, and never aggressive, just undeniable.

When you speak, the prosecution leans in, wary. The judge watches you like she’s waiting for a reason to interrupt, but never finds one. You dismantle the narrative with cool exactness, pointing to gaps and protocol failures with a tactful ruthlessness that makes even seasoned agents squirm. But never once, do you let Emily’s name cross your line of fire.

She’s in the back during the hearing. Doesn’t say a word, doesn’t need to. You can feel her gaze — quiet, unwavering, trained on you like a pressure point between your shoulder blades. She never did like being powerless. And watching someone she cares about on trial? That’s never been something she could sit with easily.

Afterward, the hallway is quiet, fluorescents buzz overhead, and the scent of bitter coffee clings in the air. You’re leaning against the wall, ankles crossed, cuffs rolled just enough to bare the line of your forearms. Your tie hangs loose, your posture relaxed — the kind of worn elegance that reads like ease but was honed from years of war in courtrooms and backrooms alike. The coffee in your hand is awful, but you sip it anyway.

When Emily appears at the far end of the corridor, her steps are slow. Not hesitant, just heavy, like she’s still holding the weight of everything that just passed. She stops a few feet from you, gaze traveling over your face, down to your loosened collar.

“You were… impressive in there,” she says quietly. “You didn’t pull punches.”

You glance sideways at her, a slow smirk tugging at your mouth. “I’m always good. You just never stuck around long enough to see it.”

The words come out softer than they could have. There’s no accusation in them, only memory. The echo of a hotel hallway in Marseille, years ago, and a door that never opened again. You will never forget the silence.

Emily exhales slowly, looks away for a moment, like she‘s considering what to say next.

“I left because I was scared,” she says, barely above a whisper. “Not of you. Just… of what it was turning into.”

You can only nod. Not because you forgive her, you never really blamed her. But because you understand. Because you’ve been running, too.

Your eyes find hers. Your heart is pounding in your ears, but you need to be honest with her.

“I was scared too,” you admit, voice low, roughened at the edges. “Just didn’t get the chance to run first.”

That draws a flicker of something from her, not quite a smile, not quite regret. A shared truth, a shared pain. For a second, neither of you speaks. The air between you is still, charged with the quiet gravity of two people orbiting something they never dared to name.

Then her phone buzzes — a case update, maybe. Reality creeps back in, and Emily glances at the screen with a frown, then back at you. “Duty calls.”

You nod. “It usually does.”

She hesitates, like there’s more she could say, but instead, she just touches your arm as she passes. Her fingers linger just long enough to make you wonder what might’ve happened if either of you had opened that damn door years ago.

And then she’s gone. But the silence she leaves behind isn’t empty this time. It feels like the end of a chapter, or maybe just the pause between two.

--

The night Reid walks free, the sky splits open. Thunder grumbles across Quantico, and rain lashes the asphalt like it has something to prove. The team celebrates in hushed tones, the kind of joy tempered by weeks of fear and exhaustion. Laughter echoes down the hallways, plastic cups thudding gently against tables, the quiet sound of relief shared in sips as you step into the bullpen.

They want you to celebrate with them, but you slip away because you want to see her.

You find her in her office. The blinds are drawn, and Emily leans against her desk, a folder in her hand. You’re drenched when you step inside. Your shirt is clinging to your chest, your suit jacket folded over one arm, tie hanging loose like an afterthought.

“Didn’t mean to intrude,” you say, a goofy smile on your face.

“You’re not,” Emily replies, her voice softer than you expect.

She moves toward you, slowly. No longer Unit Chief, no longer agent. Just Emily. Just a woman standing in front of someone she should have let go of years ago but never did.

She stops close, close enough to see the droplets still caught in your lashes, to feel the heat radiating off your skin beneath the wet cotton of your dress shirt. Her fingers brush yours, barely there. But it’s enough.

“You did good,” she says, eyes never leaving yours. “More than good.”

You let out a breath, almost a laugh. “Careful, Prentiss. That almost sounded like praise.”

She tilts her head, a rare and vulnerable smile tugging at her mouth. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

You step closer, bridging the last few inches. Voice low. “Too late.”

And then you kiss her.

It’s not fireworks, it’s gravity. A slow collapse into something inevitable. Her hands find your chest, fingers curling into the fabric. Yours slide along her waist, memorizing every inch you once had to ignore. It’s the kind of kiss that’s been building through every coffee, every sideways glance, every word unspoken in Marseille and every step untraveled since.

When you break apart, foreheads pressed together, breath mingling between you, you whisper “So… how’s that for timing?”

She laughs, the sound warm and cracked open. “Long overdue.”

And when she kisses you again, it’s not with heat or urgency, it’s with the weight of everything you’ve both carried. The regret, the longing, the impossible timeline you’ve finally stepped free of. A future no longer out of reach.

There’s no need to say anything more. Because this, the press of her hands to your soaked chest, the feel of her lips brushing yours again and again as the storm rages outside, this isn’t closure. This is continuation.

And this time, you’re not letting go.

[bees-library3]

Stay

Summary: After a routine hostage extraction goes wrong, you are shot while covering for Bucky, and the consequences are devastating.

Warnings/Tags: violence, gunshot wound, blood loss, trauma, HEAVY angst, canon level of violence, there is no happy ending, death, established relationship, female reader (she/her), no use of y/n

Word count: 1.5k words

A/N: I deeply apologize for the heartache that I'm about to put y'all through. If you follow me on the account that I have for The Walking Dead (@twd-bee3) and this looks familiar, it's because it was originally posted as a Daryl Dixon piece, and I just rewrote it to fit Bucky. I've been doing that lately so that I have things to post while I write new Marvel-themed works. Anyway, sorry for the fact that there's no happy ending. Love y'all <3.

The sound of gunfire splintered the air, and everything blurred around the two of you. This was supposed to be a simple hostage rescue, but you had run into complications. It was only you and Bucky, so things were getting dark fast. You guys had almost reached a secure room when there was another loud crack, and with you being in front of Bucky, you were hit by the stray.

You felt a sharp pain in your right side and cried out. Looking down, you saw the crimson blooming across your tank top and froze. “Oh shit.”

Hearing your pained gasp, Bucky spun you around so that he could look you over. He glanced down and saw the blood soaking your shirt. A cold sense of dread washed over him, and his eyes went wide.

“Fuck. No, no, no.”

“I don't know what to do, James.”

You were taking labored breaths, and you were already starting to stumble. The shock was setting in fast, and Bucky was even more desperate to get you to safety. The last of the men was bound to find you two if you stayed where you were. Acting on pure instinct, he lifted you into his arms and started running again. He was careful not to drop you and clutched your body close to his chest.

“Stay with me, baby. You're okay. We're almost there.”

His words were rushed, and his voice was strained. It felt like it took hours, but you finally reached the target room, and he made sure that the perimeter was clear of threats. Bucky laid you on a couch and frantically tore your tank top to get a clearer view of the gunshot. It was deep. Really fucking deep. There was no exit wound, but he tried to maintain some semblance of hope.

The blood was pouring from your abdomen, and he felt sick to his stomach at the sight of it. This was his girl, and she was bleeding out in a foreign room. Bucky used his hands to apply firm pressure, but the bleeding was relentless. Tears streamed down his face as he tried desperately to keep you with him.

“I got you, sweetheart. Just- just stay awake for me. You can do that, right?”

“I'm really trying, but I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired, Bucky.”

“Don't say that. You're okay. I've got you.”

Bucky kept his palms pressed against your stomach and watched as the blood seeped past his fingers like water. He needed to stop the bleeding before he could even think about attempting to stitch you up. Knowing that he needed to do more, he took off his shirt and applied more force against the wound.

You were only growing paler, and your eyes kept fluttering shut. You were trying to be strong and keep them open, but it was increasingly becoming more difficult. The sight of his baby going out on him made his chest feel heavy. He couldn't give up, though.

“Hey, sweetheart. I need you to stay with me. Please. Talk or something.”

Forcing your eyes open again, you nodded and let out a shaky exhale. “Okay. Can you tell me something good?”

“Something good?” It took him a moment, but he was able to think of something, and he smiled weakly. “Remember that trip we're supposed to take?”

“Yeah. You're gonna take me to the beach and we're gonna put our feet-” your words were cut off with a sharp gasp, but you pushed through and kept speaking softly. “Our feet in the water. Sam's coming with us.”

Bucky's heart ached hearing how hard it was for you to speak, but he was proud of you for trying. You were making an effort to stay with him - that was all that he could ask for.

“Yeah, baby. We're all going to the beach. You aren't getting in the water, though. You never learned to swim.”

His words were teasing, but his tone was forced. He was grasping at straws to keep you awake. Bucky looked back down at the wound to see that the bleeding hadn't stopped. Your breath kept hitching, and the pit in his stomach grew. The shirt was soaked in your blood, and his forearms were caked in it - there was no fixing this. He didn't want to stop, but it was clear that his efforts were in vain.

Making eye contact with his girl again, exhaustion was written all over your face. The most that Bucky could do now was make you comfortable. Taking a shaky breath, he removed his hands from the fabric and gently stroked your cheek. The tears continued to flow.

Seeing your usually stoic boyfriend cry and the heartbreak in his gaze, you reached up to gently swipe some tears from his face. Your movements were weak, but it was obvious that you were doing your best to comfort him. You gave him a small smile and spoke again, your voice strained.

“Shhh, it's okay, my love.”

“No, don't try to comfort me. Not when you're dying in my fucking arms.”

His voice was rough and his tone was harsh, but it was obvious that he was devastated. Bucky couldn't stop crying, and his chest felt tight. Too tight. He knew that he needed to be strong for you, but he struggled to pull it together. He couldn't even speak through the sobs, so he resorted to gently stroking your cheek. Needing to be closer to you, he sat on the couch beside you and pulled you into his lap. He had never felt pain like this, and he could feel something breaking deep inside of him. This was a man who had lost so much, yet nothing compared to the way that his heart was breaking.

The sight of Bucky breaking down almost hurt more than the gunshot itself. His holding you was a small comfort, but you were still quickly fading. Your breathing continued to slow, and your eyes kept closing. You forced them back open and attempted to keep talking. Wiping his cheek again, you let your hand rest on the side of his face.

“I love you so fucking much, you know that right? Loving you is the only thing that I've gotten right.”

That only served to make him sob harder, and Bucky felt like a part of him was dying with you. He took ragged breaths and spoke through the tears. “I love you, sweetheart. More than anything. I'm so sorry that I'm not able to fix this.”

“You can't fix everything, James. This- this was bound to happen. I'm just glad that you're here with me.”

“Are you in any pain, baby?”

You felt a bit cold, but you couldn't feel the wound anymore. That only meant one thing - you were almost there. You shook your head and gently stroked his unshaven jaw. It was harder for you to speak, and your answers had been reduced to just a few words at a time. “No pain.”

Your answer confirmed what he already knew: he was losing his baby. By some miracle, Bucky was able to compose himself, and his tears slowed. He managed to keep the tremor in his voice to a minimum. He didn't want you worrying about him in your final moments.

“That's good. I don't want you to hurt. You want me to keep talking?”

Your eyelids flittered again, and you gave him a small nod. You were too drained to speak at this point, and your breathing was almost imperceptible. Your pupils were dilated, and it was hard for you to concentrate. You were listening to him, though.

“Remember when we came back from dinner the other night and Alpine had scratched up the side of our couch? She was purring and everything. Thought she'd done somethin' good. You nearly pissed your pants laughing so hard, and that only encouraged her more.”

Your lips curved in a small smile, but your gaze had started to lose focus. It was only a matter of minutes now, and the idea of that made Bucky feel hollow. He kept talking and absentmindedly stroked your cheek, though.

“Oh, remember the time when she brought that injured little bird into the house and you were hysterical? You thought that I was so mean for laughing. I felt like a total asshole, but you're cute when you get like that. You've got the biggest heart.”

Bucky kept rambling until he felt your chest still, and he glanced down to see that your lips were parted slightly. The eyes that he always got lost in were still open, but they lacked their usual light. You were gone.

“I love you, sweet girl.”

Openly sobbing now, Bucky whispered softly and used his fingertips to gently close your eyes. He was at a complete loss for where to go from here. As he contemplated how to get you back home, he leaned his face down and gently kissed your lips. They were already slightly cooler than usual, and their pretty pink color had faded.

The two of you could probably get away with staying in this room for a few hours. It was late at night, and the space was secure enough. Besides, Bucky wasn't overly concerned about what would happen to him if he were found by those men. You were no longer here to fuss over his safety. The reminder made him sob harder, and his whole body was wracked with the force of it. He slowly rocked your limp form like a child and whispered unkept promises to you throughout the night.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Blossoms in Winter: Seven

"I hate magic," Clark grumbled, watching you set out the tools you'd brought.

"It hates you too, don't worry," you sigh. Jerk offs. All of them. Even John. You'd been so close to finding out- Quickly you break off the thought and take a deep breath. There's no time for that now.

With John and Zatanna occupied you were the next best option you suppose. Not like you don't have your own cases to work or anything, you grouse internally.

They could be nothing. But- it didn't feel like nothing. And that was the problem with Bats, Supers, and the rest of the Justice League. If it wasn't THEIR villain. If it wasn't WORLD ENDING. It didn't seem to matter.

Circus. Actual circus. If it wasn't for Jason, you'd have told them all to fuck off.

Blood. Salt. Iron. About a half a dozen things in vials you don't bother to explain. Brute forcing your way into a solution- why? Because. Sometimes they expect finesse when a blunt instrument does the job better.

If John taught you anything it was that. Showy magic is fun and all but- Kent is scared shitless without the shock and awe. Batman expects bells and whistles. Diana actually knows how it works... As far as Kent knows you could yell 'Abracadabra' and just smash something with a brick. Clueless. And scared because of it.

Metropolis is unprepared.

Luckily for him, Luthor has more money than sense. He called in a hack squad. And it's simple enough to-

CRACK

The shield that was erected around you shattered. And it left you exposed. Still up to your eibows in brute force magic to tear down the over-complicated 'Summoning'.

To stop the lesser demons from pouring into the city.

Blackthorn, you muse. Interesting. Less interesting if I'm dead though.

CRACK. CRACK. CRACK.

You dig in deeper and try to push forward. Ignoring the pain in your back and the ragged sound of your breathing in your ears. No one ever told you that getting shot hurts this much.

"Almost there, Superman, get- get-" you break off and take a ragged breath.

"Y/N what's happening!"

"Four shots. Wards down. Portal closing," you manage. Black spots bloom and grow like vicious mold in front of your vision and the sunburnt pavement rushes up to catch you.

There's nothing, except. Wondering for just a second if Jason could maybe make sense of your last lead.

[cixteenyne]

‘Party at my grandmas, fuckers!’

Ch.1 (probably wont continue this fawwwk)

Content warning: Drug usage, Drug addiction, Overdose, Self destructive behaviors, Gojo is a dick head, NSFW elements (not between gojo and reader), Fratboy!Gojo, college AU, honestly everybody is a pos, Slowburn but not bc you hate this mf and he dont fw you. Not betaread, this is a draft sooo….✌️

There will always be someone who needs you, yet simultaneously gives not a single shit about you. Get what they need out of the box ‘n through the packaging away. Dust their hands off and go about their day.

It’s simple, it’s easy, it’s free, to fuck someone over- its free. The price of time management, planning and lies, all free.

This must be why it’s so common?

College isnt.. easy. Nobody claims it to be— whoever has in the past regrets such idiocy, and whoever preaches it now is begging for west to become south. And fast.

College is work and work isnt easy, simple shit.

Work isn’t easy, but neither are people. Infact- they’re the most complicated of all, and it’s unfortunate, really. Things arent complicated or difficult because they have to be, it’s just how things are, how can it be remedied? Fuck if anybody knows because we’ve exhausted the options of ‘patience, love and support’ like it’s a non renewable resource.

Halls were never easy to walk through. A semi closed space that gave the illusion of open access, a long.. streching.. seemlingy endless illusion.

You wouldn’t say you were claustrophobic, but you didn’t exactly enjoy knowing you’d brush up against at least 30-45 different people and objects in a limited space. It’s stressful for anyone to think about— but you manage, you always have and you will continue to, you have no choice.

You were not a shy person, but you did not go out of your way to make yourself known. You said what you needed to and mostly what you wanted to. As long as it wouldn’t lead to unnecessary problems, just more bullshit to deal with on top of tanking grades, so you kept slick comments to yourself. Mostly.

Satoru. He’s a man nobody besides his sleezy best friend could figure out. Popular guy, can’t blame anyone— charismatic, charming, winner smile, sexy—fuckers got it down pact.

You didn’t know a thing about the guy besides the basics. Party nut. Fraternity dude. Throwing a rager every other night for some damn reason, (does he ever rest?)

He’s basic in the way you find most men are.. he’s handsome- sure, startlingly so, but something’s wrong. All men, at least the ones you’ve been around— have that startling factor to them—that.. offputting factor.

It’s also in his eyes, Just looking in them hurts.

-1

Youve been partners with Satoru on this project for a couple days now and, well.. he’s not dumb as bricks, that’s for sure— but he also refuses to offer much. Shocker.

He usually shows up for the merit, scrolls, then dips like hes got places to be, and to his credit, maybe he does, a rager to plan, maybe attend? Chick to bang, a four loko to shotgun—for fucks-

“—sake, satoru, ‘the hell are you going now? We’re not even 10 minutes in.”

You couldn’t keep the exasperated tone out of your voice, ‘fed up’ is a feeling you’re well aquatinted with.

The clock on the wall, however useless it was- ticked on as he stared at her like she’d gone special in the head. “What, i dont have free will anymore? Lighten up, will you?” He laughed that type of laugh that only a 21 year old man who didn’t know how to talk to a woman beyond ‘through it’, could laugh.

Beyond frustrating.

Only he would say some dumb shit like that- ‘lighten up, will-‘ shut the fuck up.

“I’ve let you have free will this whole week and now we have tomorrow’s deadline to finish this.”

His lips moved into that smile that kept him popular. At the top. “People have lives, let me live mine?” A shrug that made it seem like nothing was wrong, even when the room was on fire. Fuck him.

You were not about to argure with this man. No man for that matter, grades be damned.

“Yeah- it’s whatever Satoru, live your life, bye.” A dismissive wave as you got your laptop and simply left.

Satoru stood at the exit you’d gone opposite of, just shaking his head with a laugh that would have only pissed you off more if youd stayed to hear it.

He had no problem with you, but he didn’t particularly like or care about you beyond.. well— nothing, he had no intention of doing this project, no need. He only needed to do enough to keep up appearances and then he’s out.

Yes. He’s an asshole through and through, but nobody needs to know that but him and his other asshole friends.

He saw you around, minding your business, no doubt you saw him too. Smug grin and all— just waiting for the right moment to get at you, in you, and leave. Like hell you’re gonna let him.

The moment you’d gotten partnered up with him, you knew an F was coming unless you planned to drop everything and fuck him, and you made peace with that. He wasn’t getting a damn thing.

It didn’t make it any easier to sit across from him and watch a grade get thrown in your face, though.

-2

You got an F.

But what confused you that day was that Satoru didn’t. Rich boy didn’t get an F, but you did— on the project you both did not do.

It made the wound of him sitting there, manspread in the library and refusing to respond to you burn hotter, like molten steel solidifying into your pores, and you trying to peel and pick it out, but every time you think you’ve got a good piece, it breaks off halfway- never to be reached again.

It never made sense to you, what was the point of fucking you over like that— it wasn’t free, he obviously paid off the teacher, had to have been hundreds of dollars— thousand, even.

The price of fucking you over wasn’t even free.

Every time you saw him after that? A refusal to acknowledge him. Not even a glance— ok, a couple glances, but only when he looked back did you walk away. Not that he even gave a fuck.

He seriously paid to win. In a fucking College.

A man like that didn’t deserve your emotions or time, no matter what. But—fuck, he got them anyway. You had nothing positive to associate with him. He got your petty glances, the rolled eyes, the mean mugs, all of it.

It pissed you off.

You had to take a walk around campus to blow off some steam, step by step, your anger rolled off of you in waves that felt like a Gua Sha massage, not exactly comforting, but necessary. Sort of.

You walked along empty classrooms, door by door.

You didn’t have a 1PM class, so this was your only time to roam.

The only opportunity to be relived of the on… and on… and on… of the professional that was paid to be there, sure- but didn’t make it any less boring.

Each step just as aimless as the next, a little leaf crunch every now and then to spice it up.

Fuck this wasn’t helping.

As you walked you could only try slow your beating heart— trying to break out of your chest, the anger, the shock, the disbelief— it grew out of you like invasive mushrooms all over the place, under your fingernails, out of your eyes, your skin.

The kind that if you picked one off, the roots would slowly drag out of your skin, making you realize it would have been better if you just left it alone.

It only grew once you made it out of the other end of the class hallway.

Son of a bitch, why hadn’t you just stayed at your dorms.

Satoru was fucking the teacher for brownie points.

-3

The next time you see him you’re like a dog who found a bone. Or an unsuspecting toddler.

He’s at the round table with his asshole friends, and their asshole sports talk, just talking like he’s not the worst person ever— they’re probably worse.

You come up behind him, a light slap on the shoulder. “Come here. Out back?”

He only turns back to look at you, his friends do too. silent. amused.

Satoru only looks back and smiles that smug smile, his head on his hand, he looks back at his friends and his smile only gets wider. As do theirs.

Like sharks in a damn pool.

“Here’s fine, yeah?”

“It’s really not.” You didn’t have the patience, never did.

He points to the enclosed study room across the library, soundproof. His idiot pink haired friend whistles. “This early, Satoru? New record.” Stupid chuckles makes its round as they all seem to find humor in that.

“Never too early for a little fun, c’mon guys.” He gets up with a huff and makes his way towards the door, you follow while burning holes into his back.

You don’t snap back into reality until the whooping, whistling and hollering stops when the door clicks closed.

Satoru turns around and leans his hips on the desk behind him as he shrugs towards you.

“Well?”

You dont speak for a while, it feels like millennium until you get that ocean of saliva down your throat and simmer the molten lava out of your brain.

“I got an F.”

“Shocker.”

Professional smartass over here. everything about him just made you want to pounce and stomp him out. He could probably see as much.

“You were fucking Mrs. Arlen.”

You see him about to speak before you decide you don’t want him to talk anymore. “You screwed me over on a project just to make up the assignment with a dick appointment? Really?”

You could see the gears turning in his head — ‘wreeeek, uuuuurk’ — as each cog wheel moved.

You could also see that stupid smirk, like he’s holding back a little laugh

“You’re acting like i owe you a good grade— what, wanna fuck one out of me? Use the ‘Satoru method’?”

What the fuck was wrong with him? Just looking at him hurts, it hurts your brain and your ability to comprehend.

“What the hell is your problem?”

He didn’t even grace you with a response this time, just a shrug and a shake of his head, dismissing you with a little smile. The fucker was evil without reason.

You took a moment to really look him in the eyes for a good 20 seconds— that’s a long time, yes, but that’s really what it took for you to finally get it. It’s in his eyes, what’s so off-putting about him.

He’s always slightly out of it, never too concerned about anything.

Too laid back to be genuine, yet a little too tense to be faked.

All that wrapped into a frat boy bow, and you have Satoru. Somehow.

Ah, you get it- He’s constantly on drugs.

The dialted pupils, the stare with lead injected into it when you looked for too long, all of it was in the eyes and it finally made sense.

He just tilted his head at you and nodded his head, that smug smile had never left his face.

“Been looking at me mighty long, you change your mind?”

That’s what was wrong with him.

“Do you just… do drugs and decide nothing else matters, fuck me over while off a damn pill?”

He didn’t respond for a while and just looked at you. Really looked at you. You doubt anything penetrated that drugged out mind— why didn’t you pick up on it before?

“You make it sound like that’s a bad thing.”

What a Satoru response, only he could say that and genuinely mean it.

“Just high on life, hm?”

And you just happened to be in the way of that, how- you didn’t know. Whatever episode he was having, you got caught up in.

“Something like that.”

-4

Looking at him felt different after that exchange— it’s been days since you last even spoke to him, knowing the worst person you know is probably coked out of his mind is a.. strange feeling.

He definitely looks at you differently now.

He seemed to pop up wherever you were, always there, always watching.

And whenever he was there, there was always a problem, him doing something just to piss you off.

Since you found out, he’s been going to extra mile to be petty.

You knew something deep about him, and he was taking out how uncomfortable he was with it on you, his constipated outlook on emotions was already fucked enough to turn to drugs, how could you expect him to deal with vulnerability?

Days and days pass as he torments you in little way only you could notice, the kind where if you tell anyone else they’d think you’re obsessed and reading into it. And he knew that, relied on that reasoning entirely.

It only made your dislike of him even more palpable.

Everytime you saw him, he was chipper in how he bothered you, way too happy to be putting somebody else down with no repercussions.

that’s just like him.

Maybe that’s why it was so shocking to see him in a state of unconsciousness in an empty classroom while you were just trying to print an essay.

Work of @cixteenyne

[voidpacifist]

on greek mythology, media literacy, and puritanical fandom culture

I was just on the phone with a friend the other week discussing some major differences between EPIC: the musical, and homer's the odyssey and the iliad. and I noticed something very interesting about the way the broader group of greek mythology enjoyers contrasts the EPIC fandom. mainly about how they approach character analysis, or rather, character judgment.

for example, I'm gonna use odysseus here not just because he's a favored character of mine, but also because he's the best illustration for this. odysseus in homer's canon and in the broader "extra-homeric" canons (ie, iphigenia in aulis, achilleid, aeneid, etc) is a liar, a cheater, a murderer, among other things. odysseus in EPIC's canon is a man who is faithful to his wife, a half-truther of sorts, and still a murderer. but there's a MASSIVE gulf of understanding and interpretation between these two versions of him.

jay rivera-herrans' depiction humanizes him quite a lot, and also fills in the gaps of understanding we have of his motivations and emotions surrounding his actions throughout the odyssey and perhaps even the iliad, but even then, it doesn't account for all of it accurately because EPIC is not a line for line retelling of homer's work. in fact, one could argue it's an entirely different story about an entirely different person. meanwhile, homer's depiction of odysseus, while similarly homesick, is, if we're also taking into account the extra-homeric stories, a generally dislikeable guy all around.

many EPIC fans choose to ignore this or outright don't know this version of their beloved protagonist exists. and many greek mythology fans are annoyed by the lack of understanding for what they believe to be the "real" odysseus. it's a very polarizing space to exist in when you're a fan of both classic greek mythology and EPIC (me!). having conversations about beloved characters is a bit like being a lawyer for a war criminal.

but what I've noticed in both spaces that is similar is just how much of a rigid lens people have developed for picking their favorites. it kind of reminds me of how people these days have to know what the latest scoop or controversy is with the artists or public figures whose content they consume before consuming it. which, in my personal opinion, feels like a quite strange way to approach fictional characters, but alright. the point is, cancel culture (for lack of better terminology) has been levied against not only people who never existed, but people whose stories took place thousands of years ago. it is not only anachronistic to do this, but also shows a vast inability to bring nuance into conversations about the ancient greek figures we know and...love? hate? who's to say, really.

so here's a harsher example. the very first line of the odyssey says "tell me about a complicated man," but then odysseus is oversimplified by both his glazers AND his haters. his entire personality is made one dimensional by either group and it erases the rest of him, turning him into someone who is only capable of existing within inside-the-box perceptions of him. there is a fundamental misunderstanding and even a disappearance of his humanity. therefore, conversations about his downfalls or his merits only spirals him to one side of the "moral scale" or the other. how is it that we have such simple takeaways about a "complicated man"? how is it that we have become homerically illiterate?

well, in my opinion, it has much more to do with the world around us. there's a MASSIVE upswing in conservative and religious ideals permeating different spaces, and not just in the U.S. (and I'm saying all of this as an american christian btw so don't get defensive with me yet). our inner worlds are becoming more and more divided while our outer world is becoming bleaker and bleaker. we no longer know how to exist in a mindset that isn't black and white because that is the kind of dystopian present day we're existing in. and at the same time, bolder self expression is becoming more and more uncommon, so while our inner worlds get more polarized, our outer world gets more grey.

it's why we can't understand nuances when it comes to fandom spaces and fictional characters anymore. because we do not know at all how to do that without almost instinctively wanting to bring "accountability" to figures that literally cannot account for their own actions. odysseus of ithaca is not going to get onto twitter dot com and write a notes app apology for the sacrifices of iphigenia, polyxena, astyanax, or the six hundred men under his leadership home, nor for his infidelity (the telegony). hating his actions is all valid enough, because his actions in many cases are detestable by today's view of what is and isn't moral. but to surmise his whole character by those actions completely obliterates his personhood. AND this same harsh divide between how his character is treated is nowhere near what some of the other achaean war criminals heroes receive in fandom spaces (I'm looking at you, patroclus).

also, in the name of taking a moral high ground, we've lost the art of appreciating art! fandom culture is so fun because it is so fluid, and the ancient greeks were experts at fluidity. were their standards for being a good person totally fucked up? yeah. did they also pioneer shipping and debates over which storyline was "canon" or not? sort of, yeah. you could say they did it first. the point is, approaching a world and mythos that is so fluid and flexible with the judgment call of a puritan is going to make having constructive discussions about the greeks very Very difficult for you, I fear. and the same thing goes for other fandom spaces like with EPIC or madeline miller's stories, or other greek retellings and published fanfics (essentially). learn to be critical of the characters without erasing their personhood, and learn to acknowledge their personhood without erasing the actions and events that make them messy!! I'm begging!!!

[betweendawnanddark]

@lightheartedislandboy

He couldn't help the relieved little smile as Sora made contact, gave him something to hold on to and ground himself with. It made him breathe easier, got him to hold back on the vehement disagreement he was very tempted to express at Sora's answer. "Fine" wasn't the real answer, and the more he thought about it, he was starting to understand it was a shared kind of not fine.

Even so, he wanted to give Sora room to breathe just as easily. Not anything that could have felt like attacking or accusing or pushing for anything, even if that thing was honesty. And hearing the laugh was-- It was almost right. Nearly okay. A sound that Riku had heard so many times he didn't even realize how much he'd started to take it for granted.

The question in turn surprised him. Maybe not so much that Sora had asked, or even that he was concerned, but something as simple as Are you okay? felt like it was way too complicated to answer. That had to be sad, really. Slightly widened eyes and saying absolutely nothing in response definitely didn't say Yes, but he didn't want to lie. Or rush to change the subject, which definitely would have been a No. None of that was completely true anyway, right?

Gently squeezing Sora's hand, he cleared his throat first. "Not-- Not really. When I know you haven't been okay and I haven't been helping you as much as I could have." It was a a rickety little attempt at a smile, but he tried anyway. "We've all been... putting too much on you. Just you. That's not fair."

Riku was more than aware that he could have said something about the both of them still being kids in many ways, which maybe technically was true. As much as it really wasn't, and he'd always hated how dismissive that sounded anyway. He sighed, thumb brushing over one of Sora's knuckles. He needed to try tand speak his mind, shouldn't he? To say things? "It's scary, though, you know? How many answers we don't have. How strong everyone is, alone and working together, but it's still..." He trailed off, holding eye contact before giving a little shake of his head. He didn't really know how to put his thoughts into words. "Not that I think we can't do this. I'm just trying not to be... Too confident." That was one way to put it, and his sheepish grin definitely acknowledged past mistakes.

He hummed to himself after a moment, thumb stilling with another soft squeeze of his best friend's hand. "This definitely isn't helping you sleep, is it?"

How was Sora supposed to answer that without sounding...

Was it normal to just want to stare at your best friend for a while? No, not stare- admire. He wanted to admire him. His gentle expression, the one that shifted into a mix between calm and nervous at the very same time- Sora knew there was something on his mind, just by the look on his face.

Oh, and then there were his eyes. The color of an overcast sky, of a cool breeze carrying the scent of the sea in the air, of seafoam. Even if Sora could look away, he wouldn't choose to. He wanted to stay right here with him.

Anyways, he probably couldn't just say something like oh, I'm just looking at you without sounding weird at the least, so he went quiet for a few seconds. One arm hid under his pillow, the other looking for something to do, a similar dilemma to Riku's own.

He should just go for it, shouldn't he? Holding hands wasn't the biggest deal in the world, they were literally doing it a few seconds ago, so it was fine. Yeah. Perfectly fine.

He went for it. Slowly, his hand inched toward Riku's, gently brushing against his fingers at first. Then he suddenly grabbed his hand. Okay. Cool. See? Perfectly fine!

"I'm..." He realized he hadn't answered Riku's question. "...fine." He sounded a bit unsure, and really, he wasn't. A lot of things were happening at once- the lingering heavy emotions of their previous conversation, the comfort of just having Riku next to him, nostalgic aching in his chest thinking about their old days on the island, and then this new feeling that decided to suddenly make a guest appearance as soon as Sora's mind was fuzzy from the sleepy.

"Probably just not ready to sleep, like you said." He laughed a little, it was a soft sound. "You know how I get. Sometimes my brain won't shut up. What about you? Are you okay?"

[tropicalcontinental]

Saw this comment below one of andrewgaming67's videos and I got hit with a vision

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

Imagine you're Mr. Wu and your weird gay daughter runs away in tears after destroying some unespecified object while yelling about you ruining her life. Because you told her you'd be moving to another state. This is the last time you see your daughter in half a year, and when she comes back, she comes back... wrong. She's wearing a light leather armor, a fur-lined cape, and a green flower crown. She has two long scars, one alongside her spine and the other along her chest, the tissue around them covered in burn scars. Doctors say she shouldn't have survived. Doctors say she didn't. Yet she's right here, in front of you, hospital gown clinging to her small, fragile, trembling frame. She fidgets with her hands. Getting her to stay still has always been difficult, but now it seems impossible. She won't let go of her phone. She's always texting her two friends. When you take it away, she gets anxious. You always knew those damn phones cause kids to act weird, but your kid having a panic attack seems too extreme, even for her. Then again, she's always been odd. Nowadays, she wakes up crying and screaming almost every night, and you realize she's been stealing her phone from your bedside drawer every night to text her friends, returning it before you wake up. You catch her once and decide to give her that damn phone back. It's the only thing that calms her down, as if she were a baby with a pacifier. She spends her last weeks in LA clinging to her friends, having sleepovers and playing her weird board games with them. Everytime they drop her back at her house, there's an excessive amount of hugs and tears. But the moments when they call her, or when she leaves to meet with them, or when they show up at their door to pick her up... those are the only moments in which you see her happy. One of her friends, the rude and disobedient one, came back with a big scar on her face. She's been acting a lot nicer, though. The other one too. She acts a great deal more adult now. You doesn't know what happened or where your daughter went. She won't tell you. But you can tell this friendship is the only thing keeping her afloat right now. Maybe you know, deep down, that no one else would understand.

And then you decide to move anyway because fuck her amirite

[floorpancakes]

just thought abt the concept of doumeki being a love bullet cupid and fell to my knees idc if he doesn't match the lore qualifications it being canon that cupids back in the day used to all be archers is too good to miss

[milfbrainrot]

something sick and twisted about how michaela was "training" simone to take over part of the charity, hence her being a mini-michaela, only for that to actually... pan out as accidentally training her to become her husband's new wife

[theflyingfeeling]

fanfic rambling in the tags, nothing interesting really, just me talking to myself lol, okay to ignore or read as you please ✨

[saja-star]

I've had a hard time articulating to people just how fundamental spinning used to be in people's lives, and how eerie it is that it's vanished so entirely. It occurred to me today that it's a bit like if in the future all food was made by machine, and people forgot what farming and cooking were. Not just that they forgot how to do it; they had never heard of it.

When they use phrases like "spinning yarns" for telling stories or "heckling a performer" without understanding where they come from, I imagine a scene in the future where someone uses the phrase "stir the pot" to mean "cause a disagreement" and I say, did you know a pot used to be a container for heating food, and stirring was a way of combining different components of food together? "Wow, you're full of weird facts! How do you even know that?"

When I say I spin and people say "What, like you do exercise bikes? Is that a kind of dancing? What's drafting? What's a hackle?" it's like if I started talking about my cooking hobby and my friend asked "What's salt? Also, what's cooking?" Well, you see, there are a lot of stages to food preparation, starting with planting crops, and cooking is one of the later stages. Salt is a chemical used in cooking which mostly alters the flavor of the food but can also be used for other things, like drawing out moisture...

"Wow, that sounds so complicated. You must have done a lot of research. You're so good at cooking!" I'm really not. In the past, children started learning about cooking as early as age five ("Isn't that child labor?"), and many people cooked every day their whole lives ("Man, people worked so hard back then."). And that's just an average person, not to mention people called "chefs" who did it professionally. I go to the historic preservation center to use their stove once or twice a week, and I started learning a couple years ago. So what I know is less sophisticated than what some children could do back in the day.

"Can you make me a snickers bar?" No, that would be pretty hard. I just make sandwiches mostly. Sometimes I do scrambled eggs. "Oh, I would've thought a snickers bar would be way more basic than eggs. They seem so simple!"

Haven't you ever wondered where food comes from? I ask them. When you were a kid, did you ever pick apart the different colored bits in your food and wonder what it was made of? "No, I never really thought about it." Did you know rice balls are called that because they're made from part of a plant called rice? "Oh haha, that's so weird. I thought 'rice' was just an adjective for anything that was soft and white."

People always ask me why I took up spinning. Isn't it weird that there are things we take so much for granted that we don't even notice when they're gone? Isn't it strange that something which has been part of humanity all across the planet since the Neanderthals is being forgotten in our generation? Isn't it funny that when knowledge dies, it leaves behind a ghost, just like a person? Don't you want to commune with it?

[milawritess]

Wherever you go, that's where I'll follow — Gojo Satoru

pairing: Gojo Satoru x fem!reader

synopsis: crushed by the pressure of his work, Satoru and the reader's relationship begins to spiral. You do everything you can to make him happy, but you fear it's not enough. Maybe it never was. After a miscalculation that could have resulted in innocent lives being lost, the situation takes a turn for the worse.

Word count: 17k+ (I'm sorry in advance)

genre: heavy angst with happy ending

warnings: heavy angst, swearing, reader is a motherly figure to Megumi but their relationship is a bit strained, mentions of depression and self-doubt, reader is a sorcerer, fighting, insecurity, arguments, and breakups (?), descriptions of gore, mentions of sexual intercourse (mdni), depictions of a complicated and untraditional relationship, reader gets hurt, hardly edited/proofread (oops), gojo is fed up and mean :(

a/n: this is the first and longest thing I've ever posted on here lol. I felt like there was a lack of sorcerer!reader, so I played around with that concept a little bit. other than potentially shitty writing (sorry for any typos or grammatical errors), I truly hope you enjoy <3

sequel & blurbs

“Get out.”

The hash sentiment lingers, hanging heavily in the air. 

“Well, hello to you too.”

He hears your feet shuffle across the floor as you stumble to take your shoes and coat off. “I just came to check on you.”

“And I’m fine,” he responds without moving, one arm up, draping over his aching eyes. He lies on the living room couch, one lanky leg propped up at an angle.

“You’re clearly not fine,” you respond, seeming unphased. “Have you eaten anything?” You ask, waiting for a response that never comes. “Okay, I’ll make your favorite ramen.” 

He feels the side of the couch dip, your hand settling on his chest. Your fingers were greedy like you couldn’t stop yourself from playing with the fabric or caressing his taut muscles. Your voice is gentler when you speak this time. “Do you want an ice pack? Some tea?”

You two have done this dance before. You come home to find him exhausted, overworked with a migraine that could tranquilize an elephant. And just like always, you carefully slip his shoes off and unbutton the sleek black jacket to his uniform. It’s hard for him to stay mad about anything when you’re this kind, this caring. 

“Satoru, please say something.”

“There’s nothing to say.”

Your voice was so gentle. So sweet, saccharine, and so fucking patient. A voice you only ever reserved for him and for his ears only. A gentle whisper carried in a gentle breeze. It was his favorite sound. 

But not tonight. 

So you try something else. Sweet kisses along the corner of his lips. You’re even bold enough to move his arm, the arm he was using to desperately block out any light or simulation. You kiss his eyelids, his forehead, and cheeks—feather-light. Your hand slides up his chest before reaching his face. You caress your thumb under his closed eyes, and your other hand finds his hair, gently massaging his temple. He has all of you. Every bit. 

“Let me take care of you.” If it were any other night, your breath fanning his neck would have shattered him; goosebumps would have wrecked his body, he’d shiver, and everything in him would ease, and all of his stress would slip away into nothingness. He never had to be the strongest with you. You would render him down to nothing but a simple man with just a few words. “You don’t look too good, honey. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well.” For a woman so strong in your own right, a woman of unyielding dignity and poise and unwavering determination to succeed, this is his favorite side of you. 

But not tonight. 

When his hand clasps your wrist, he feels your whole body freeze against his. Maybe you were surprised. Maybe you predicted this and were preparing yourself but-

The tongue-lashing dies in his throat when he opens his eyes. Just a peak to your face makes him falter. You were pouting. Worried. “I’m fine.” it’s harsher than you deserve but kinder than the thoughts swirling through his head a second ago. 

He’s agitated. Stuck in the same old system that continues to fuck him over—his students over. 

And yet, you just looked too beautiful. 

You pull away, finally taking the hint. Then, you stand, fully removing yourself from him and stepping away. Your body heat quickly disappears from where you once sat, and he quivers. The room was quiet once again. 

The room remained quiet even as you placed a hot bowl of ramen on the table beside him, a glass of water, and two pills. 

You slept alone that night. 

-

You remember when you first met Megumi. 

“Who the hell are you?” 

You never would have expected that to be the the words from a child you had just met. You raised a brow. “Well, aren’t you a fucking, brat?” 

You were different back then—colder, angrier. You were similar in that sense.

Oddly enough, maybe that’s what gravitated him to you.  

You’re not sure when it happened, but gradually, the harsh edges of you began to… change. Not entirely softened, as thorns remained, but you bloomed, red petals and all. You grew softer, kinder, more patient—and finally—your heart had made space for others. The fear of loss remained, but you had never cared for someone so fragile. No one had ever cried for you, reached for you with small chubby fingers, or depended on you as he once had. You never had someone in your life that needed to be nurtured, protected, and guided. 

He was just a boy. 

Over time, you realized that if you remained unchanged, perhaps he would never grow into the man he needed to be. You’re not sure why he picked you, why he looked up to you of all people, but he did. He found comfort in you and followed you like a little duckling with a little waddle and permanent scowl. 

There wasn't a rhyme or reason. He chose you, and you chose him. 

Soon enough, you were waking him up for school, running your hands through his messy, dark locks. You were making him bento boxes, running to parent-teacher conferences, and having hard but meaningful conversations with him in his room about his troubling behavior. 

Then you were hugging him as he cried, as he revealed the same dark thoughts you once had about yourself. 

You wished this world wasn’t so cruel, so dark. You hope that in a different life, he would have grown into a normal kid, with hopes and dreams and a list of things he wanted to do and go out and experience. You didn’t want him to be shackled to a world that’s left you so scarred.

You fought for any sense of normality you could give him. If that meant confronting the higher-ups, so be it. At times, you even confronted Satoru. 

He was just a boy. 

Fire never harmed you;  it never dared to scorch your skin. You commanded and held domination over nearly every flicker of heat. He was so small when you met him; you remember the first time you saw his small form shiver in the cold. It made you anxious. Despite buying him the heaviest winter coat you could find, you were beside yourself, always wondering—is he warm enough? 

But, long were the days of you bundling him up in his jacket, tying his shoes, and tugging beanies over his dark hair and red ears. Long were the days of you clasping his little hands in yours to bring them warmth when the air grew too bitter. He grew older, smarter, wiser, and stronger. The boy that used to cling to your skirt after a hard day at school now stood inches taller than you. 

You knew that one day he’d leave you, and you were okay with that. Seeing him so ready for the world made you happy. You worried—of course you still worried—but you were so proud. He was hesitant, unsure at times, and sometimes even looked back to you for assurance. 

You were always there, smiling, ushering him along. 

You can do it. I believe in you. 

You grew up together, you think. Sometimes, you wondered if he ever paid for your shortcomings, or if he remembered your failures as a caregiver, but just like you did him, he’d assure you with a soft nudge and a gentle smile. 

He knows you did the best you could with what you had.  

He was just a boy. 

Your boy. 

He wasn’t yours, but you loved him like he was. Only as he grew did you realize the lines you had crossed. 

He doesn’t remember his mother, but you’re sure he remembered her smile, perhaps her touch, or the sound of her laughter. You never meant to impose on her memory.

When it happened, he had just gotten into Tokyo Jujutsu High, and Satoru took him on his first official mission. You no longer had the means of pushing this off; you couldn’t beg Satoru or the higher-ups for another month, another week, another day. Megumi wasn’t a normal kid. He was a sorcerer and needed to start fulfilling his duties and mastering his technique.

“You can’t avoid the inevitable. You can’t protect him forever,” Satoru had once told you. 

You knew he was right. 

You stayed home that day, anxious and worried, but you knew Megumi would be alright. Satoru was with him. Even if the tall man was a bit harder on Megumi than you, you knew he’d keep him safe. 

However, your worst fears came to fruition. Megumi wasn’t the same after that mission. 

You remember. Satoru’s eyes were stern that night while Megumi's eyes never left the floor as he made his way to his room. 

You remember thinking—what could I do to make my boys happy again? 

After all, they were your everything, the reason you stood here now with a full heart. Things were newer for you and Satoru then, but he kissed you that night, warm, large hands gently holding your cheeks. He missed you a little bit extra that day. You were nervous, hesitant to fall into the sanctuary of his embrace, but it was only a matter of time until you were fully, devotedly his.

 “Are you okay?” You had asked, only for him to nod his head. 

“Yeah. Of course, I am, angel. Megumi is shaken up, but he’ll be alright too.” 

You made Megumi’s favorite dinner that night—the same beefsteak he’s raved about since he was only six. Well, he never raved, but you perfectly remember the first time you made it, which happened to be the first time he tried it. He could barely get his chin over the table to scope his food into his mouth. He wasn’t good with chopsticks yet, so he used a little fork, which he held in his tiny fist. His little eyebrows raised before dipping down, creasing at the inner corners as he concentrated on the flavor. He murmured it’s good, and you remember being so proud of yourself. That was one of the first times you felt that you were doing something right by him. You made the same dish on occasion, and time only helped you perfect the recipe. 

Megumi never came out of his room that night. The lights were off when you knocked. Even after hearing no response, you had cracked open the door, poking your head inside. 

“Gumiii,” you stepped into his room. He was on his bed, groaning as you flicked the light on. He turned his back to you. “I made your favoriteee.”  

You had sat on the edge of his bed, a hot plate of food in your hands. “C’mon, it’s the beefsteak you like. Nice and warm.”

“‘m not hungry,” he had grumbled. 

You sighed. “The mission must have been unpleasant.” He remained still. “I’m sorry, Gumi. Satoru said you did well! I’m proud of you—” he flinched from your touch, snapping his arm away from your reach. You froze, having felt the coldness of his rejection. “If you don’t want to talk about the mission, how was your first day at your new school?” You asked. “Do you have any classmates you like?”

“Just quit it already…” he had murmured. “I’m not in the mood.”

Your shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry. I just want to make sure you’re okay. My first mission was tough too, and you already know I wasn’t great at making friends either–” you winced, biting your tongue.  This was coming out all wrong. “… are you okay, Megumi?” 

“I’m fine!” He clipped, pushing himself upright in bed. “Just leave me alone and stop acting like you’re my mom already!”  

You remembered—and just the memory of that night shambled your heart. You could never forget the hurt those words caused and how you couldn’t show it. 

You had smiled wearily. Then, you placed his dinner on his desk. “…you’re right,” you echoed. “I’m not her, never could be. I’m sorry if I imposed. I never meant to.”

You never spoke of the incident, but you remembered that things were tense between Satoru and Megumi for a short while after that. You told Satoru to drop it, but you had a feeling the poor boy received a tongue-lashing from Satoru. You were never sure, though, and you could never prove it. 

You just remembered feeling cracks in the foundation of the home you never knew you had so carefully crafted, brick by brick. Some of the warmth was gone—a warmth you never knew was quite there until it wasn’t. 

Little by little, you pulled back. Megumi moved into the student dorms shortly after, and he needed you less and less. You no longer made him bento boxes or his favorite beefsteak. You bit your tongue with the lectures: Megumi, that’s not nice, or Megumi, you need to have more faith in yourself. You can do it.  

Though the bitter bite of cold never entirely touched you, heated by an unquenchable fame, you pulled back your hand when you reached for him. He left you seared—burned. 

You still worried. You never knew if you were giving him too much or not enough. So, you left most of the mentoring to Satoru now.  It’s been a few months since the incident, and now you only ever speak to him if he approached you first. 

That's why you were happy when you spotted him in town. You offered him a small, shy wave. He unexpectedly approached you and asked how you were and what you’d been up to. However, the most unexpected part was when he asked if you were busy. You shook your head, and it was impossible to hide you beam when he offered to get you hot chocolate from the same coffee shop you used to take him to after school in the colder months.

However, it seemed you weren’t the only one confused by Satoru’s recent behavior. 

“Huh?”

“Gojo didn’t want me going on my mission,” Megumi reiterated. 

You blink a few times, tapping your fingers against the styrofoam cup in your hands. “Huh. He’s never done that before.”

“He doesn’t think I’m ready. He took the mission himself.”

“He said that? That he doesn’t think you’re ready?”

“Well… not exactly.” He scowls slightly, looking down at the cup of hot chocolate. “But he damn well implied it.”

“Gumi,” you frown at the boy. He doesn’t make eye contact with you; he looks forward now, gazing out the window and watching the fresh snow coat the ground. 

He was upset. 

“He could’ve at least taken me with him.”

For a moment, you see that same little boy you met over ten years ago and that same dejected look on his face after being let down one too many times. It breaks your heart. 

“If Satoru took the mission and went alone, I’m sure it’s for a good reason.”

He wants to say more but opts for something quick and sweet. “Yeah. Maybe.”

You have to do something. Quick. Anything to make him a bit happier. “I have a mission later in Osaka. I’ll be catching the 2 pm train. Wanna come? I could use the extra help.” 

He’s quiet for a moment, thinking, you presume, but he nods. “Yeah, sure. I don’t have anything else to do.” 

“Great! And just so you know, we’ll probably be dealing with a grade one or two.” 

He pauses momentarily before calmly asking, “And you need help with that?”

“Uh, yeah. Any help is much appreciated. Plus, I haven’t seen you much recently.” You smile brightly, and he turns his head, eyes finding the ground, looking a little bashful. 

“About that…” 

“Don’t worry about it,” you wave him off. “You’ve been busy with school, and I know that.”

“But that’s not–”

“It’s okay, Megumi,” you smile again, resisting the urge to reach across the table and gently squeeze his hand. “I get it.”

He gives you a look, a small disgruntled scowl. He wanted to say more.

“Alrighty then.” You stand, stretching from sitting in the chair. “I’ll buy you another hot chocolate for the road. We should probably start getting ready to leave.”

-

The mission goes well. An abandoned warehouse in Osaka conjured up a nasty looking grade three, but Megumi held his own just fine—like you expected. He’s grown much stronger and more sure of himself. You’re proud. Seeing how far he’s come certainly puts a smile on your face. He’s not a little boy anymore, you realized. He’s growing into a fine young man. 

Urg. Stop getting emotional. 

However, after stopping for a later dinner, you both arrived home late, around nine or so. 

“You did good tonight, Megumi,” you tell him for the nth time. 

He rolls his eyes, tucking his hands deep into his pockets. “You’ve told me that already.”

“I know, I know. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m proud of you. You’re getting so much stronger.”

Instead of brushing you off like all the other times, he sighs before offering a forced “thanks.” 

“Alrighty then. Try and get some sleep, okay? I’ll see you and the others sometime tomorrow, yeah?”

“Sounds good. Get back home safe.”

You nod, smiling. You make sure to watch him as he goes, making sure he gets inside before turning around. He’s capable of taking care of himself, but some habits never grow old. Making sure he gets inside anywhere safely has always been something you’ve prioritized, whether he was going to a friend's house, school, or boarding the train. 

You loved him like your own, but you knew he wasn't. After all, it was only a few months ago now that he reminded you that he wasn't yours.

You’re not my mom. 

It hurt—it still does—but you never held it against him. You still loved him nevertheless. Your relationship might have shifted but it doesn’t negate the fact that you care for him and would gladly give your life if it meant keeping him safe. 

Then, there was Kugisaki and Itadori—two others slowly weaseling their way into your heart. They’ve helped Megumi so much; he might be too proud to admit it, but they’ve helped him come out of his shell; they were his friends, and you knew they had each other backs. 

You sigh, a translucent cloud of white floating up and above your head. Just like always, your thoughts shift to blue eyes. Satoru. You’ve missed him today. No calls or obnoxious spam texts. It’s not unusual per se, especially when he gets busy. Regardless, you missed him.

But, something is bothering you. He wasn't communicating with you and he usually tells you these things. Even if he didn't have the time to tell you something right away, he'd eventually find a moment to talk to you. This time around, he didn’t. He didn't tell you he was leaving or about the whole ordeal with Megumi.

He just got up and left. You woke to a cold bed and an empty house. No text message, no note with a silly doodle. When you called him in the morning, it went right to voicemail. Eventually, when you pull up your shared text messages to check for anything new, you only saw the message you sent him from the day before. At a loss, you type out a quick message. You didn't think it would make things better, but at least it was something.

I hope you have a good day today :) 

It was all you could really muster up after last night. He seemed so agitated, and so fed up. You blamed it on stress; he isn’t usually like that. Usually, his touch was careful, calculated as if you were fixed of glass. You missed his lame jokes and mischievous grins when he was up to no good. You weren't offered any of that last night. Or the night before. Even the night before that. 

You’re starting to worry. 

He always bounces back so quickly. The only thing that typically gets him this mad are the higher-ups. Which, in Megumi's case, makes sense. You can see why Gojo would intervene if they gave him a dangerous mission. 

But why didn’t he take Megumi with him, at least?

Hm.. maybe it was beyond Megumi's skill set. Would the elders be stupid enough to set him up? They did it to you long ago, but they wouldn’t be bold enough to do it to the boy with the ten shadows technique, would they?

Or maybe Satoru… just doesn’t want to be near you?

Urg. You roll your eyes at your own selfish thoughts. Satoru wouldn’t do something like that. He’s already overworked as it is. Maybe you should make him something. A nice dinner? Or maybe he needed a pick-me-up? Kikufuku? You’re sure you could find the recipe online. 

You're torn, so you decide to make both. Maybe you'll even put on a nice dress. 

You decide to call him, and after a few rings, he answers. “Hey, honey,” you say sweetly, happy he even bothered to answer your call. "I was wondering when you’d be home tonight. I want to make you a nice dinner.”

He’s quiet again—too quiet. “Dinner? Tonight?” 

“Yeah, you’ve been so busy lately. I figured you’d like that.” 

He hums into the phone, sounding a bit lighter. “Dinner does sound nice…” 

Your smile widens. You could hear the underlying stress in his tone; it was flatter than usual, but at least he was trying. “... I’ll even put on your favorite dress?” 

He chuckles a bit. “Tempting, but I’ll probably have to leave after dinner.”

“Oh,” you murmur, wincing slightly at the rejection. Maybe you’ve gotten too spoiled—too accustomed to him pushing off his responsibilities all for the sake of spending a few more moments with you. Were you being too greedy?  “Are you okay? They’re not stretching you too thin, are they?”

He sighs in a carefree tone. “I'm doing fine. Same old thing, just a different day,” is all he offers, but you can tell he’s withholding. 

“I can help, y’know,” you offer gently. “If you have too many missions, I can take a few off your plate.”

“Nah,” he tells you a bit arrogantly. “It’s better if I handle it.”

Now you’re really starting to feel the distance. He usually reserves the softer parts of him for you. You suppose he just didn’t have the patience to do so right now. “You, uh, got into it with the higher-ups I heard,” you mention, trying to keep the conversation going but approaching from a different angle. “Megumi was telling me you even took his mission. I think he was a bit upset you didn’t take him with you. How come you never told me?”

“How come you never told me you were going to Osaka? Or the fact that you took him with you?”

Your stomach twists, unease bubbling in your chest. You didn’t like where this was heading. “I– it’s never bothered you before,” you manage, though your voice falters, dying down into nothing but a whisper. “And it’s not like you’ve been… wanting to speak to me recently. I haven't had the time to tell you much of anything," your trail off, your voice slowly fading before you begin again. "Did I do something to make you mad?”

The silence that follows is unbearable—longer than you ever imagined it could be. “Satoru… Please just talk to me.”

“I gotta go,” his tone is cold, clipped, and final. 

There’s a click as he hangs up, and the silence becomes deafening and threateningly absolute.

-

You realize you miss the way he used to look at you. Not the way he'd gaze at you, but in the way he would gaze into you, as though you were ever the only thing that ever really mattered.

After your last conversation with him, you were unsteady. You hated how you stayed in bed for hours, analyzing everything he's said to you recently, dissecting his every action. You hated how needy you suddenly felt, even while laying there, in his bed, in his clothes. He paused just a second too long before answering you now, as if he had to must up the courage and energy to do so. His laugh no longer came out easily. Others might miss it, but you never could. It was still rambunctious, taking up a whole room, but to you, it felt forced, brittle even. You've known Satoru at his best, and you've also known him at his worst.

When he looks at you now, you wonder if he's really seeing you. Painfully, you realize you haven't seen him; not without his eyeband on at least. Last night you did, for the first time in a while, but he seemed agitated.

The worst part was that you didn't know how to bring yourself to confront him. You struggled, unsure which pretty words and cadence would unluck the distance between you two.

Did something happen on one of his missions? Was he stressed? Had the higher-ups pushed him too far, testing his patience?

Or was it you? Was this somehow your fault?

Did you scare him away? Have you said too much, cared too deeply, loved too loudly?

You weren't sure, but you had to try something.

You were grateful you were cooking him dinner tonight on your day off. It was the least you could do, and you adored taking care of him. You choose hot pot, something you and Satoru have tried at home before. It took over a few hours to prepare, but it was worth it. You made two broths, you sliced up shabu-shabu and wagyu beef and even went to the extent of watching a video to make a dipping sauce. Unfortunately, you forgot one of the ingredients for the kikufuku mochi and didn’t want to risk making something he didn’t entirely like. Luckily, you had spare time to run down to the kikufuku store right before it closed. Of course, you grabbed all his favorite, two boxfuls, in fact. He was a big guy, so you hoped you had more than enough food for him to indulge.

You and Satoru were together. Though he never outright asked you to be his, you knew. It was an unspoken thing, and you were content with that. For as goofy and eccentric as that man could be, it was rather surprising how he was never outright with what he was actually feeling. 

He was damn good at showing it, though. In more ways than one. 

You feel it in the way he’d always reach for you after a nightmare. Shaking, needy hands tightly clasping at your waste, fearful of you disappearing and slipping to a place where he could not reach you. Don’t ever go where I can’t follow. Please. His face would nuzzle into your neck, sharply inhaling your scent. You’d hold him, whispering endless promises. I’m here. I’ll always be here. Or it's okay. Breathe, my love. I’m with you. 

You feel it on the nights he’d pin you beneath him, his grunts and moans echoing in your ears as he fills you so completely. He’d beg, no demand you—tell me you’re mine. Only mine. 

And, of course, you’d eagerly nod, overwhelmed with the pleasure only he could strum out of you so perfectly. ‘m yours. All of me—yours. 

You feel it in his protective gaze, his eagerness to hold you in the life vest of his arms. You felt it late into the night, damp bodies pressed against one another; low lighting, quiet laughter, and secrets revealed. His dreams, his wishes, his what ifs—the parts of him that no one knew or considered. Or when he handed you a silver key with a handsome and cheshire grin. What do you say? He was lovely, every bit of him, especially his gentle and selfless heart that you would never take for granted like the rest of the world seemed to. 

You feel it when he comes home from overseas and how his strong arms hold onto you just a bit longer, a bit tighter. You feel it with how he smiles into your neck or that one time at the airport when he lifted you up and spun you around, uncaring who saw. 

You feel it in the way that it was unspoken. You feel it in his cursed energy and how it perfectly intertwined with yours, reaching for you, comforting you when his hands could not. You especially feel it in the necklace he gifted you—the one your fingers were playing with now: a silver chain with cerulean sapphires, the same breathtaking shade of his eyes. His cursed energy, carefully imbued into the stones, was like carrying a piece of him with you—always, wherever you may go, and it rests directly above your beating heart. 

He might not voice it, but you feel it. He loved you. And you certainly loved him. 

So when had it become so hard to reach him? Why does he seem so intangible all of a sudden? Something deep and unsettling blooms in your stomach. 

And now that you think about it…

When was the last time you two did any of that? When was the last time his careful hands caressed you?

Only Satoru could make you this worried or make you feel this displaced. A sense of panic strikes you, and you pull out your phone to text him when you realize he’s thirty minutes late. Usually, that wouldn’t bother you, but–

After only three rings, you're sent to voicemail. When you check his location, he’s at the high school. Should you check on him? Or would that make him… mad?

He toru! Dinners ready. When do you think you’ll be home? Miss you. 

You bite your lip. He quickly read your message, but those three little bubbles never show up. 

Nothing. Just nothing. 

Maybe he’s staying up late writing the report for his latest mission? 

“eek!” Your phone pings, and after a round of hot potato, you see he’s texted you back. 

Only to be met with more disappointment. 

Dealing with something urgent. Don’t wait up. 

You frown, knowing you should drop it, but you can’t. 

Satoru…

He’s typing faster now. What?

You pause, thumbs hovering over letters you hesitate to type. What’s going on? You’ve been off lately. 

I’m fine. Just busy. 

Do you want me to bring you dinner to the High School?

Those three bubbles appear and disappear more times than you can count. No. I said don’t wait up. 

You know I don't sleep well without you.

He responds in a heartbeat. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

Your patience is wearing thin for the first time since this ordeal started. Are you saying you won’t be coming home tonight? 

You’re offered no response. He doesn’t even open your message. For the second night, you lay in a cold bed. Except, Satoru doesn’t come home. 

Only he could fracture you so completely. 

-

During your next mission, you brought the whole trio along. According to the report you were handed, you were only dealing with a grade three, but there was also an Infestation in the area. You could use the backup.

You had initially asked Megumi, but once Yuji caught wind, he was adamant that he tagged along, and, according to Nobara she had nothing else better to do. 

“Are you guys sure? It’s your day off.”

Yuji shrugs, both arms up, hands up and behind his head. “Yeah, I’m game.”

“Me too,” Nobara voices with a small glint in her eyes. “I got something new I want to try out anyway. We didn’t get to go on a mission last week as it is.”

You paused. "Huh? Gojo didn’t take you on any?”

“Nah,” Yuji shakes his head. “I think he’s been busy or something.” He looks at Kugisaki. “Hasn’t Gojo-Sensei seemed a little… off?”

Nobara nods. “Uh yeah. He hasn’t been himself at all. We figured you’d know something,” Nobara says, curious eyes scanning you. 

“Huh… I’m not sure. We haven’t gotten around to talking lately.”

Megumi hums, though it sounds more suspicious than his usual passive tone. 

Though they weren’t necessarily your students, you figured there was no harm in taking them. You've done it before and having them around was always like a breath of fresh air—reminding you of why Satoru dedicates himself so fully to his cause and being a teacher. They give you a reason to get stronger and keep fighting. You loved these kids and all their bickering. 

Except, this mission doesn’t go anything like you had expected. The report was wrong—a grade two was ambling through the abandoned schoolhouse. That was fine; the four of you were more than enough to kill it. The infestation was a bit overwhelming, but you had their backs, and they were nothing but pesky small curses lower than a grade four. 

Everything went well when the ambush happens. You all saw it: right in front of your eyes, a grade one emerging from the shadows, born into something nasty. It's skin oozed a sickly black slime that clung to its misshapen body. Its face—or lack there of—was dark and amorphous, split by a jagged maw that stretched impossibly wide, revealing rows of sharp serrated teeth, ready to cut and slash through flesh like a meat grinder. Other that is daunting appearance, the only other notable thing about it was its speed.

You told the kids to back down, but it was already too late. They were already involved, stuck in the heat of battle and fighting as a seamless unite. They were more than capable of standing on their own. 

But you needed them out of here. Your obligation was to protect them no matter how eager they were to help. However, before you could think of your next move, the curse made one last self-preserving attack. It opened in wide jaws, releasing several red beamed energy blast aimed directly at stone pillars. 

You had no time to think, only react. In an instant, you surged forward towards the trio, faster than their eyes could react. Grunting, you knocked them back, glass shattering as you kicked them through a window. You felt the impact ripple through your body, fully knowing you knocked the wind out of Megumi and Yuji. However, they recovered quickly, their instincts sharp enough to catch Nobara–

Right in time before the building collapsed. 

The building groaned like a wounded beast, its entire frame buckling from lack of support. Stone walls crumbled into clouds of dust and debris, windows shattered in explosive bursts, steel beams twisted and snaped with sickening shrieks. The ground trembled violently as the structure gave way, collapsing into a chaotic heap of concrete, rubble, and smoke, swallowing everything beneath. Including you.

You survived. Reinforcing your body with cursed energy made you strong enough to withstand the impact, and your heavenly restriction certainly helped. Nevertheless, you still took on quite a bit of damage from the tons of metal and concrete.

You woke up under the rubble with a startling gasp, choking on the dust. Were you out for a few seconds? Minutes? You were unsure, but the only thing pushing you to stand was the panic coated in Megumi’s voice. He was calling for you, and so were the others. You could hear the strain in their voices, the utter distraught. You healed your broken leg and the gash on the corner of your forehead, ceasing your gushing blood. You gathered yourself and your strength before pushing. They found you quickly after that, noticing a heap of rubble moving. They ran, rushing to help you push back concrete that threatened to suffocate you. You never did like tight spaces. 

Thankfully, you were alright. The kids were safe as well.

However, the curse had escaped. Megumi was visibly shaken, his fingernail cracked, bruised, and bleeding from digging urgently through the rubble to find you. 

Everyone was on edge. It wasn't their fault you didn't react quickly enough. You were more than capable; maybe that's why the failure stung so much.

You let yourself down. You let them down.

You were spiraling into a dark place quickly. The guilt threatened to swallow you whole. Gojo was still nowhere to be seen. You didn't have the strength to call him. You’re not sure what you could even say. You’ve fucked up before, but never to this extent. Not to where a whole building collapsed. 

“Good morning. A tragic incident occurred last night when an abandoned school collapsed around 7 pm. Authorities are currently investigating the cause, and preliminary reports suggest that the collapse could have been due to a structural weakness—one of the many reasons why the school was abandoned in the first place. We will continue to monitor the situation as more information becomes available–"

Megumi gently grabs your phone and locks your screen. Wordlessly, he shakes his head before pocketing your device. You’re too exhausted to ask for it back. 

“Are you sure you’re okay, Sensei?” Yuji's voice was soft, the first voice to break the ice. You look up from your hands, unsure how long you’ve been lost in thought. You force a small smile as you gaze at the three kids. You were sitting across from them in the waiting area outside the council room. 

“I’m alright. Are you guys?"

“We’re all fine,” Megumi cuts in quickly. “We’re– we’re more than okay.”

“That's good,” you trail off. “That's really good.”

Uncertainty hung dangerously in the air. What happened now? You were okay, but for how long? 

You knew you were in for a lashing with all the collateral damage you caused. It was supposed to be a simple mission. This wasn't supposed to happen. You four were fine, but did anyone else get hurt? 

You flinch at your own thought. You don't think you could live with yourself if innocent lives were lost.

“Sensei?” Yuji's soft, unsure voice cuts in once more. When your eyes make contact, he smiles brightly. You can tell it’s forced. “After this, wanna go get something to eat? There’s this great sandwich shop down the street!”

“Y–yeah!” Nobara sits up straight after being less than conspicuously nudged by Yuji. “It’s pretty good. We went the other day–”

The council room door creaked open. The higher-ups were waiting, shrouded in shadows and faces hidden. Even if you couldn't see them, the tension was palpable. Even without seeing them directly, you could sense their anger, smell it as it rolled off of them in a quiet, unspoken fury. You glance at the kids once more, this time with a gentle, reassuring smile curling at your lips. 

Everything would be okay.  

-

Everything was, in fact, not okay. 

The air was heavy as you entered your office. Your limbs ached, your head throbbed, and every breath felt like dragging glass through your lungs. You had thought the worst of it was over, and slowly, you felt your body begin to shut down, but only when there were no prying eyes to see how you compensated for your injuries. Even after using RCT, you had a limp—your bones were mended but not quite right. Your head was no longer bleeding—but still, you weren't quite right. 

You dismiss it as exhaustion; after all, you had just learned RCT not too long ago. Maybe you missed something. However, this wasn’t anything you couldn't handle on your own. You could see Shoko, but why bother her? You’ve endured far worse. Dealing with a sore body and a headache for the next few days wasn’t out of your jurisdiction. 

When you open the door, a flickering lamplight reveals a tall frame standing by your desk. Even before your eyes dance upon his sharp and still silhouette, the air shifts—your soul already knows he is there. Satoru.

But, his eyes never meet yours; you weren’t blessed enough to see them, a bright blue illuminating in the absence of light. His eyes were covered with a familiar dark cloth. However, you didn’t need to see them to know that the usual warmth they held as he gazed upon you was gone. In its place was a coldness that turned your stomach.

“Satoru–”

“I know,” he says, voice clipped as he turns to face you. “I read the reports.” Your heart sinks as he haphazardly tosses the report down to your desk. 

You’re exhausted, unsure of where to even begin. So many questions floated in your weary mind. Where were you? When did you get here? Please, don’t be mad at me. 

It’s funny how all your dignity, poise, and strength to endure are gone with him. You already took one berating from the elders, and you’re not sure you could handle another. 

Not from him. 

“But, I want to hear it from you.” He stepped closer, his height making him all the more domineering. “What happened out there? And how the hell are my students caught up in all of this?”

“The report was wrong. It was a grade two, not three, but we handled that just fine. We cleared out the area and completed the mission, but we were ambushed. A grade one appeared, destroyed the pillars, and–” You hesitate, unable to form the words. “Well, you know what happened.” He’s quiet, too quiet for your liking. “I–I did everything I could, Satoru. The students were fine, but the curse got away.”

“Everything you could?" His voice echoes. "I don’t need excuses. Certainly not from you. You endangered them—all of them. They’re not even your students!” He snapped, his voice rising in a way you’ve never heard before.

You bite back the lump forming in your throat. “I thought you, out of anyone, would understand the circumstances.”

“...Understand?” He utters back, a quiet fury rolling off him in waves. 

 “I made sure that–”

“You failed,” he snaps, voice laced with malice. “Enough. Just stop it. You were reckless and went behind my back, and you let a pathetic grade one get the best of you.”

Your chest tightened, crumbling at the weight of his tone. “Went behind your back? I did no such thing.”

“They could have been hurt because of you!” You visibly flinch, his words carrying more weight than the debris that had buried you—broken bones and all. 

“I’m recommending you be demoted to grade two.” 

What?

“You can’t do that. Satoru, you can’t–”

“I can,” he said coldly. “and I will. You failed, and not only did you fail, you went behind my back and involved my students. Your recklessness caused this,” disdain coats his voice, and he sucks his teeth. “I was gone for two fucking seconds, and you damn near ruined everything. People could have died. My students could have been injured. So stop being a nuisance and just do as you're told from here on out.”

No. 

No, no, no, no. 

You fought for years to get to grade one. A woman with a name of no renown—this society was never in favor of you; the system was set up for you only to fail time and time again. For years, you were held at grade three, then grade two, all because of your name’s sake—all because you were a woman. You didn’t have the luxury of being as good as other sorcerers; you had the burden to be better. 

Even now, at grade one, they continue to undermine you and undervalue you. You knew you didn’t have room to make mistakes, for they would tarnish every bit of good you have done. You thought Satoru understood that. You thought he viewed you as an equal, someone strong enough to stand by him. You thought he valued you, respected you. 

You never thought a mistake, a stupid mistake, would lead to this. 

It’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair. 

“This has nothing to do with my rank. You don’t believe me. You don't trust me. After everything–”

Hearing his scornful laugh, your vision begins to blur. “Don’t make this personal. You fucked up, and now I have to clean up your mess.”

Your ears begin ringing. The pounding in your head becomes too much and threatens to crack your skull open once more.

“But it is, isn’t it?” You whisper. How could it not be personal with how he's been treating you for days? “You haven't been able to look at me in weeks. You speak to me as if I’ve become nothing but a burden to you—a nuisance. What did I do to deserve this?”

He remains silent, the muscles in his jaw ticking as he grits his teeth. Point proven.

Your heart painfully twists with each beat. “Do you even… care about me anymore?” You’re not sure why you say it, why the words slip past your lips, but they do.

He read the report and he hadn't even asked if you were okay. Maybe it was a selfish thought, but it makes your chest ache. You just wanted to go home, crawl in bed and hold him. However, you knew that wasn't in the cards right now.

“Don’t twist this into something it’s not.”

Your voice finally wavers before him, cracking as you press on, desperate for him to understand—desperate to have him by your side as he has been for so many years.

“You’re casting me aside like I’m... worthless."

It was cruelty, a quiet and deafening insult for him to demote you of your status—but more specifically, your place beside him. That hurt runs deep, to the point that feelings of betrayal start seeping into your veins, poisoning you, antagonizing you. Belittling you. It was a sharp dagger you never expected—searing with a hatred that threatened to cripple you. This wasn’t just about your position. He was a man of unchallenged stature, of the highest status and regard, lowering you, demeaning you with his every word, every action. 

When did things go so wrong?

Yet, even now, you question yourself. Were you being dramatic? Were you taking this too personally? Were you being selfish?

Because he was right. Every word he's said so far was right. You failed. You put them in danger.

You stand there, a hollow feeling growing in your chest. The sting of Satoru’s words cut deeper than any blade you’ve faced. His jaw tightened, his gaze hard as steel and cold as ice. “You gave me what I never asked for.”

“Don't you dare!” You snap, finger trembling as you point his way with an accusatory jab. “Don’t you dare pretend this is nothing.  You know me better than anyone. How could I not take this personally? I’ve done nothing but stand by you, love you, trust you–”

“Like I said, I never asked for any of that,” he utters sharply, his carefully composed exterior shattering. “Whatever we were was nothing more than fucking convenience.” 

Suddenly, he stops, freezing at the onslaught of his own lethal words. His next words seemed to die in his throat. The damage was done. 

Exhausted, defeated, numb. His words hit you like a death blow. “... Convenience?” Echoing the very word that came from his lips—a sound you hardly recognize comes from your mouth, a small slip of the anguish tormenting and swelling in your body escapes. 

The necklace around your neck, the very one he had given you, seemed to pulse against your skin, warm and alive. It carried a piece of him, a piece of you, a guiding hand in the absence of light: a thread, an anchor—a way home. 

Suddenly, you hated it. Hated the way it sat so close to your heart, hated the warmth, his energy; you hated that, even now, his words cutting so deep, unraveling the fabric of your being, it comforted you, reaching for you. 

You yanked it off, the chain snapping in two as you held it in your trembling hands. 

He falters, his whole being frozen. “What are you doing?” he asked, quiet and tense, blanketed in uncertainty. 

“I don’t want it,” you say, voice quivering, threatening to fail you at any moment. His energy—the only energy that blended so perfectly with yours—reached for you, and so did his trembling hands. Reflexively, you flinched away, retreating further into the room and further from him. “Don’t,” you shake your head. “Don’t touch me. Not with your hands, not with your energy. Don’t.”

Silent tears stream down your face. You are unable to look at him, and your breathing is shallow and unsteady. You open your hand, letting the necklace drop to the floor. The faint sound of metal hitting wood echoes in the suffocating silence of the room. 

There’s a soft knock on the door. It creaks, slightly opening. “... Y/n sensei?” came an unsure voice.

You stiffen, and suddenly, you can sense them, three nervous students standing outside your door. Too caught up with Satoru, you had entirely missed them. You clear your throat and dry your cheeks with the back of your hand before turning to the door. You walk over, opening the door wide enough to see them. 

“Sorry if we’re interrupting, but we just wanted to know if you still wanted to come out for dinner with us...” 

Fuck. How much did they hear?

You take a breath, and it’s shakier than you anticipated. “Yeah, sure. That sounds nice. Let me grab my jacket, okay.”

Yuji only offers an unsure smile. Norbora has a hard time even looking at you, while Megumis's eyes are solid and unyielding, glaring right past you. His hands were in his pockets, balled into tight fists.

You don’t know what to do other than quickly turning. Within a few ushered strides, you were at your desk, grabbing your coat off your desk chair; you’re careful to avoid Gojo, who manages to plaster on that big fucking grin. 

“Heard you guys were up to no good while I was away.”

“We were fine,” Megumi interjects before Yuji could open his mouth. “More than fine.” 

“Y–yeah, everything ended up being just fine. Y/n-sensei made sure of that,” Nobara awkwardly adds, shifting her weight on her feet. 

“Ah,” Gojo nods. “Well, make sure you get some rest tonight. We’ve got a long day tomorrow! You guys will be training with the second years!” 

You hated how he could act as if everything was alright while you were fighting back tears. It was another jab, a suckerpunch to the gut. 

You just needed to get out of there. 

-

After dinner with the kids, you headed out on your own the following day. You went home, stuffing some clothes in a bag before spending the night at a cheap motel. Before getting with Satoru, you always floated from place to place, never truly settling. Those days, all you carried on you was your backpack. You didn’t have a home or many possessions you could call your own. You just had yourself.  

I guess old habits die hard. 

Megumi was the first to text you: I went to Gojo's house today and didn’t see you. 

All good! I’ve been busy running errands.

Nobara text you sometime after.

Hey Sensei!! Let me know if you’re available today! Let’s go shopping!

You responded rather quickly. Sorry, I’m not around today. Maybe ask Maki? Or maybe Yuji and Megumi would like to tag along.

But guys suck :(

Then, there was Yuji: Hey, Sensei! Let me know if you want ramen! The gang and I got you since you covered for us the other night! I even got coupons! 

You weren’t sure what to say. You always covered for their meals (no exceptions), but you knew they were just trying to be kind. You double-tapped and hearted the message. 

You appreciated them more than anything, but frankly, it was a bit embarrassing. You never meant for them to overhear you and Satrou that night in your office, and you were never one for pity. If it were anyone else, you would have called them out and told them off. However, you wouldn’t dream of doing that to the kids. They were trying to support you in the only way they knew how, but it wasn’t their responsibility to worry about you. 

Surprisingly, Shoko was the next person to contact you. You never stopped by my office. I’m assuming you’re alright?  

Smiling gently, you responded. Yeah, no injuries to report. 

A building collapsed on you.

You scoff, imagining her deadpan expression. Heavenly restriction, remember?

That doesn’t mean you can’t get hurt. 

Your thumbs hover over the keyboard. Yeesh. Just meet me at the bar you like downtown. 

That’s where you are now, Shoko’s favorite bar, tossing back your third shot. ”Take it easy. I don’t feel like dragging you home tonight.”

“Ah. I’m alright, Shoko.”

“You don’t look it.” 

“Neither do you with those bags under your eyes.”

She brings her drink to her lips, mumbling “touché” before taking a swig. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Vivid memories pressed to the front of your mind of the building collapsing. “Satoru is demoting me. After the elders ripped into me, I found him waiting for me in my office.”

“He– what? Jeez,” she took another sip of sake. “Out of everything, I didn’t expect that.” 

“I– we haven’t been doing too good. I’m not sure if there even is an us after last night.”

“Huh. He did seem a little out of it today.”

“Somehow, I kinda doubt that.” There’s a beat of silence, and you swirl the liquid in your cup. 

“If it means anything, he asked me about you. Asked if you were alright.” 

You smile a bit sardonically.  If Satoru really wanted to find you, you knew he could, as he had the means to do so. From here, you were only about five miles away from his estate. It’s not like you were too for his eyes to see.  Suddenly, that thought bothers you, and you find yourself almost subconsciously concealing your cursed energy.  

“Is that why you texted me?”

She gives you a weird look. “Partially. I had my own concerns.” 

“Like what?”

“If I’m being honest with you, you’re not great at RCT. I wanted to check and make sure everything was alright. It eventually catches up with you if you don’t do it correctly. I’ve seen it cause irreparable damage before.”  

“Ah. I guess that makes sense.”

“You should come to my office tomorrow so I can check–”

“I think I’m gonna quit.”

“…what?”

“I mean, that’s what they really want, right?”

“If you do that, they’ll find the easiest excuse to label you as a traitor. A cursed user.”

“Don’t you think I know that? Since day one, they’ve been trying to paint me as a villain.” 

“So don’t give them what they want,” Shoko bites back. She pinches the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. “Listen, I can’t stop you. You are going to do what you want to do at the end of the day, but you don’t need to do this. You made a mistake.”

“I’m just tired,” you tell her truthfully. “For months, I’ve been pretending, going through the motions. I've been miserable. Megumi hasn’t wanted me around much. He’s older now, and he doesn’t need me anymore–”

“Of course he does,” Shoko cuts you off. “He’s still a kid.”

“And I’m not his mother,” you retort bitterly. “Then, there’s Satoru. He’s been so distant.  He used to always be in my corner and make everything better, but I don’t even have that now. Now, all of the jujutsu society thinks I’m a liability. He thinks I’m a liability. Maybe it’s why he’s grown to resent me so much.”

“Please. Just stop talking,” Shoko remarks, overwhelmed with how quickly you were talking. She wasn’t necessarily a fan of conversations like these, but at least she listened. “I’m here if you ever need anyone. And please, don’t let this fester. I would rather not lose another friend.” She takes a large gulp this time, finishing her drink before gesturing for a refill. “Tsk. Satoru is complicated—I get it—but he wouldn’t want you to leave. Neither would Megumi. That kid loves you. Maybe you and Gojo just need a break.”

A break? Ha. That was one way of putting it. However, it already felt much more like a breakup, and its permanence frightened you. Like many other things in your relationship, it was never voiced but certainly felt. 

“Yeah,” you say softly, body buzzing as you down your fourth shot. “Maybe you’re right.”

-

You start walking home after having drinks with Shoko. It was a long walk, and you took your time. You weren’t in a rush to head home to potential chaos. The thought of staying at a hotel crossed your mind, but you had nothing to change into. Frankly, it didn’t matter where you went either. It’s not like you’d be able to sleep any better. 

Though, it’s not like you were going back home to anything good. You were suspended without pay; you couldn’t go near the school grounds or exercise any curses—a stipulation you rolled your eyes at. If they thought just a few measly words would stop you from exercising a curse, they would be more idiotic than you thought. 

Still, maybe it’s good to take some time off. Maybe you should stay at the hotel. If you were lucky, they’d have a washer and dryer. 

Then, your phone starts to ring—a unique ringtone that a white-haired idiot assigned to his contact one day after you let him “borrow” your phone. He even changed his contact photo; years later, you never had the heart to change it. 

Your heart aches when you see the contact photo of him, his goofy smile and gorgeous eyes peeking over his black shades. You answered hesitantly after a few rings. 

“Hello?”

“Heyyy,” you hear, his voice light and cheery yet, lacking its usual spark. “Where are you? I know I missed dinner the other night so I picked up your favorite on my way home!” 

Back to normal? Just like that?

You take a breath, reeling in your emotions. It wasn’t normal, per se, but you could tell he was trying, stepping cautiously over the ice he knew could shatter at any moment. 

“I’m not home, right now.”

“Huuuh?” You can hear the slight whine in his voice, and you can imagine him pouting like a small child. You expect him to carry on with his theatrics, but he hesitates. “When do you think you’ll be home then?”

“Uh, I don’t really know,” you trail off, unable to keep up his faux mirth and bravado. 

 “Well, if you don’t want to sleep next to me tonight, I can just take the guest bedroom!” For a moment, he sounds hopeful.

Honestly, he’s just making your head spin. 

“Honestly, I think it’s best if I stay out of the house for a little while, Gojo.”

There’s a beat of silence before you hear his nervous laughter. “Gojo?” he remarks dejectedly. “Can’t remember the last time you called me that.”

You were unsure what to say; you hadn’t even realized you initially referred to him by his last name until he pointed it out. You want to tell him sorry—for everything, but your tongue tenses in your mouth, and your throat threatens to close up. You hated it when he got like this, and typically, you’d do anything to make him smile again. 

But you’re hurt, and he caused that hurt. 

“I wanted to talk to you about the other day,” he adds quickly, unable to withstand your silence. 

“What’s there to talk about?” You ask softly. “What done is done. I messed up.”

He’s quiet for a moment. “You’re right. It can’t be undone now. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Your stomach drops your heart twists and aches. Was he going to officially end things with you? A bitter, more cruel half of you whispers—you weren’t even officially together to begin with. However, none of that even matters; he has too much of you, too many pieces of your frail heart in the palm of his hands. You were irrevocably his, but was he ever yours? 

Just a few weeks ago, you thought you would have an entirely different answer than the one you have now. You're too afraid to face him or the truth. You were guilt-ridden, your pride and dignity torn to shreds. Hearing that he no longer wishes to be with you would be too much. 

Honestly? 

You’re not sure how you’d react. If you’d sob, if you’d remain stoic, or if you’d flip a table and trash every one of your possessions. You’re at wit's end, and the level of fallout threatening to break free from you was immeasurable. 

So, you finalize what you had been contemplating just five minutes ago. “I think I’m going to stay at a hotel, Gojo. I need space. Time to think.” 

“I don’t want us to go to bed mad at each other,” he says lowly, his voice reverberating through the phone. You shiver. “It doesn’t feel right.”

You hated this. You fucking hated this. 

Your chest tightens, and your knees weaken. You wanted to give in. He always had that power over you. He ruled your heart so effortlessly. You yearned for him, your heart singing a million love songs, beckoning him back to you. 

But you couldn’t. You were too mad. You felt cast aside as if you were nothing but an afterthought—after all these years. Yet again, you feel the foundation of your home cracking, and your knees go weak yet again. You take a shuddering breath right before repeating the exact words he threw at you just a few nights prior—words that so effortlessly dismantled your spirit. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”

-   

You’ve always had a habit of running. It was easier for you than most. You figured you’d go back to that cheap motel in Tokyo, but you were too restless. Too angry. Feelings of betrayal ran deep, and the guilt nipped away at you until there was only a void. 

Before you could leave, though, you call a number you knew by heart. Stepping onto the train and holding your phone to your ear, it rings. For a moment, you assume he’s asleep. It was getting late, but after the fifth ring, the line clicked. A groggy voice peaks through. 

“Sensei? What’s going on?”

“Megumi,” you breathe out. “Hi. Sorry to wake you.”

“It’s fine.”

“Nozomi 1, departing from Tokyo and heading to Kyoto, will depart shortly. Please be careful of your footing while boarding. Please refrain from using mobile phone inside the train–“

“You’re leaving?” The tiredness in his voice is replaced by something else you can’t quite place. 

“Only for a short while. It’s not like I’ll be working anytime soon,” you chuckled nervously. “But I just wanted to let you know. It didn’t feel right leaving without speaking to you first.” 

“Oh,” is all he can muster up at first. “I– when will you be back?”

“I’m not sure,” you answer him honestly. “A few days, maybe.” 

“Well… Can we visit you? I’d go alone, but I think Yuji and Nobara would kill me if I did.” 

Oh. You hadn’t expected that. You close your eyes, taking a deep breath. “Um, yeah. When I figure out where I’m staying, I’ll let you know.”

He sounds worried. “You don’t know where you’re staying yet?”

You snicker. “Ha, this is, uh, kinda an impromptu thing.” 

“… and you’re sure alright?”

“Yes, yes, I’m alright. I just wanted to tell you.”

You can tell he’s not exactly satisfied, but he isn’t one to stop you. “Well, text me where you’ll be staying in a few hours. You should probably hang up now, though, and figure it out.”

You smile softly to yourself. He always was a kind boy—kinder than he’d ever reveal. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Goodnight, Megumi.”

“Night.. I’ll call you later. Be safe.”

When you hang up, you feel a bit better. 

- 

The first night was hard—really hard. Sleeping away from Satoru was incredibly difficult, but so were his sharp words that relentlessly bounced around in your mind.  You found no peace by your window, watching the last of that day's sunlight slipping away behind the horizon, casting long shadows over the dead trees covered in snow.

You could almost feel his presence, like the cast of your shadow on a wall—following you, mirroring your every move. Your phone never rang with his ringtone, your phone never buzzed with a new text. Yet you stared at the shadows for a bit longer, a bit more intensely, waiting for two blue eyes to illuminate the space. They never did. 

Kyoto's stillness seemed to reflect your own, waiting for something to change, waiting for something dead and wilted to bloom once more. 

However, even all the way over in Kyoto, bad luck seems to follow you like the plague. You were walking to a small corner market to grab something to eat when you felt the disturbance in the air—tasted it on your tongue. You hoped that surge of cursed energy wasn’t what you thought it was. You would have loved to be proven wrong, but your instincts were keen like a hound trained to hunt. 

A curse womb opened right above a Kyoto High school. 

You were definitely getting fired after this. 

You knew a cursed object was most likely responsible for this. Considering it happened at a school, you were more than willing to bet a strong cursed object was placed there, most likely intended to ward off any other strong curses that might otherwise appear in the area. You assumed the seal broke, probably after hundreds of years of suppressing the power of the object. You’ve dealt with a case like that before.

You couldn’t have been more wrong. 

Three stupid students—ghost hunting of all things—removed the seal. The decorated white cloth tightly wrapped around a black skull was torn, and its viscous cursed energy soared, tinting the sky black. 

“Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you hissed under your breath when you slammed open the classroom door. “This way, c’mon!” You didn’t have to tell them twice. Book it, and you stay by their side for as long as you can. You had to put up your veil, but only after they were far enough. 

You got impatient, however, especially towards the kid who had been recording everything up until now, where you crushed his phone in your hand. 

“Wha– hey! You're gonna pay for that!”

“What the hell is more important? Recording or your fucking lives? Shut up and run!” 

The air suddenly cracks with a tension that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. It’s here. You could feel it—the dark, oppressive presence creeping across the courtyard, lurking. You yourself could see it with your eyes, but you felt it. 

Your senses were better than most. It was partially why you and Yuji got along and trained together so well. You were just like him when you were younger. Granted, he wasn’t born with cursed energy like you were, but your heavenly restrictions were nearly identical. 

You stop running when you reach the edge of the courtyard, but those three kids carry on in a scram. Holding the cursed object in your hands, you raise the skull in the air. It takes a considerable amount of force, but you crush the skull, black dust coating your hand. There’s a hollow screech, and you hope that’s the end of it. 

Of course, your bad luck persists. 

Typically, destroying the cursed object that’s created a cursed womb kills it or at least nullifies it. The exception is when the curse is an S-grade; those wombs are damn near impenetrable. 

Destroying the object seemed only to irritate the curse as it began crawling out of a bloody sac. 

You hold up your fist, index, and pointer finger together, pointing to the sky along with your thumb. A crimson veil pours down, covering the entirety of the school. However, you sense three others within your veil just as you seal off the area. 

“Yo, Y/n sensei!! What the hell are you doing here, loca!” A deep laugh echoes across the courtyard. 

Christ. You knew that voice from anywhere. 

You glance over your shoulder and see a few unexpected faces. Utahime and two other students—Miwa and Todo who looks way happier than he should be, considering the circumstances. 

The newly born curse loomed menacingly overhead, its red eyes gleaming like coals in a dying fire. It was tall, with protruding joints that snapped into place. Its black and sleek hair extended beyond its long, contorted body. Its face was painted white and cracked as if crafted of aged porcelain. Its kimono was white, stained with splashes of red and black goo. You stood firmly in place, fire crackling at your fingertips, your breath steady but sharp in the cold night air. Todo and Miwa joined your side quickly, and Utahime offered you a firm nod from the sidelines. She was entrusting you with her students.  

Quickly, the courtyard became a battlefield, filled with the crackle of burning energy and the hum of raw power. 

The curse lunged, zipping through the air. You were faster, your body twisting and moving with fluid grace. You raised your hand to strike, a jet of flame bursting forward, crackling against the air. The curse shrieked as the fire seared its back, black smoke rising from its melted skin. 

It recovered too quickly for your liking. It rolled through the flames like water through a sieve, reforming and lunging again, its claws gleaming.

Your senses were on fire—every shift in the air, every sound, every movement was magnified. You could hear the heartbeat of the curse, the faintest tremor of its form as it coiled to strike. You could smell the thick, sour scent of decay that clung to it like an ancient smog. And you could feel it—the deep, heavy weight of power pressing down on you, making your muscles tighten and strain against the oncoming attack.

The curse moved to strike again, but you were already there, rolling beneath it, body twisting in a perfect arc, and feet hitting the ground in a spring-loaded motion that sent you leaping upward. Your fist, wreathed in fire, crashed into the creature’s chest.

The explosion of heat sent the curse reeling, but it was only a momentary distraction. It retaliated, slashing the air with a massive, clawed hand. Three energized strikes were headed your way. You reacted with seconds to spare, but Miwa stood directly in the line of fire. You knew her simple domain wouldn’t be summoned fast enough, but she didn’t. It would be a miscalculation that ended her life. 

The claws tore through your side, then whipped down in a sickening arc, ripping clean through your arm. The pain came in an instant—a blinding, searing agony that burned through your body. You didn't even have time to scream.

You staggered back, a cry escaping Miwa’s lips as she looked at the bloody stump where your arm used to be. Blood poured and squirted from the wound, but there was no time for that. 

"Get back!" you shouted to the blue-haired girl, voice raw. She wasn’t nearly ready for this; Utahime gravity overestimated her abilities or underestimated the cursed strength. Regardless, the girl was too distraught to do anything at this moment. 

There’s a rush, and you suddenly realize you are outside the heat of battle. Todo went in, guns blazing, but you could only waste so much time. Todo was strong, way above his current ranking, in your opinion, but it was only a matter of time before that curse cut him down, too. 

Without a second thought, you dropped to your knees. The pain was overwhelming, but you focused, drawing from the reserves settled deep within your core. Your energy surged, and tendrils of fire spiraled around the wound, filling the air with intense heat. 

“Sensei! Are you alri–" Miwa gasped, her feet coming to a haunt as she watched in awe and terror as your arm began to regenerate—pulsing with energy. The flesh knitted itself together, bone and sinew reforming in a frenzy. 

But the process wasn't easy and certainly didn’t come without a price to pay. Your body screamed, the regeneration draining your reserves. You were already weakened, and the battle had just begun. Tsk. 

Todo found his way back over to you two, panting heavily. “How are you doing over there, Sensei?”

"Clap," you say, voice strained. "Now." He looked at you, bug-eyed, but he nodded. He didn't hesitate. 

He brought his hands together in a sharp clap, and everything shifted. “Alright! Let’s dance!”

In an instant, you found yourself on the other side of the curse. You inhaled deeply, heart pounding, immediately launching yourself back into the fight.

The curse roared in confusion, disoriented, but it was too late. You were already in motion. Your feet hit the ground in a fluid motion, and with a vicious snap of your wrist, fire erupted once again. This time, it formed into a massive whip of flame that lashed through the air.

The curse hissed as the whip wrapped around its neck, and you pulled with your whole body. Never losing your grip, muscles straining, you move forward, wrapping the flames over your arm again and again, pulling tighter and tighter until you smelt the pungent odor of the burning flesh around its neck. You wrapped the whip around your arm one last time before turning your body and pulling the whip from over your shoulder, viscously yanking and slamming the curse to the ground and into submission. 

The curse struggled, its body writhing, but it was weakened. Miwa went for the opening, summoning her New Shadow Style: Simple domain. She’s gotten better since the tournament, and you acknowledge with a grave chuckle as she instantly draws her blade, slicing the curse directly across its chest cavity. She cost you an arm, but deep down, you knew she had the conviction to win and succeed. 

Todo doesn’t wait. Another clap. Another shift. You and Todo swapped places with the curse itself this time, and the curse had no time to react. He goes for a punch, cracking the curse with a quick jab, followed by a right hook. He claps again. The moment the curse materialized in front of you, disoriented, you surged forward, throwing everything you had left into one final strike.

It twisted in anguish, its body crumbling to the ground before its remains turned into ash.

Then, there was nothing.

The air grew still. The ground beneath you is scorched but calm. You sucked your teeth, silently berating yourself. 

You hated using your technique. Frankly, you opted not to unless you absolutely needed to, which was the main reason why people hardly knew about it. It wreaked havoc, leaving nothing but indomitable infernos that refused to be quenched like normal flames. They left nothing destruction in their wake—hungry to consume and spread. However, you’ve gotten better at controlling it—you’ll give yourself that. The only thing burned here today was the grass in the courtyard. 

You stood there for a moment, panting, your body trembling with exhaustion as you collapsed to the ground, panting heavily. “Y–you did it!” Miwa cheered. “I had no idea you knew RCT. Thank you for helping me back there.”

“What the– Miwa, we won! Show some conviction!” Todo cut in, flexing his biceps. 

“He’s right,” you managed a weak smile as you worked on catching your breath and easing your fast-beating heart. You collapse to the ground, still gaining your breath. "We did it."

You hear footsteps approaching from behind. Tilting your head, you see Utahime standing directly above you. 

“Oh. Hi ‘hime.” 

She smiles a bit, but her face remains hardened. You straighten up a bit, catching on to her attitude. Something wasn’t right. 

“You guys did a good job. However, another problem has arisen across the city.” 

“Huh? Another one?” Miwa asked, brows tugging inward. She shifts her weight from one hip to the other. “That's like the fifth one today...”

They continue on in their conversation as you drop your veil, sniff the air, and concentrate on your surroundings. A sense of foreboding strikes you under the dark ambiance of the sky. Even after killing that S-grade, things don’t feel right. 

“Thanks for joining us,” Utahime says, drawing back your attention. “I nearly had to call for backup.”

You scoff, glancing up at her from the ground. “Something doesn't feel right, Utahime.” She nods, agreeing with your observation. “When did the reports come flooding in?”

“About an hour ago now.”

“Hm,” you wonder, thinking back to when you first found the cursed womb. “That’s about the same time I first sensed the presence of the cursed womb. They’re most likely connected.”

“That's what I thought. The presence of the cursed womb must have irritated some of the curses in the city, most likely because they were drawn to the energy fluctuations the cursed womb caused. It's good you were here. We're stretched thin right now. If you don’t mind staying, we could use your help. The other students are out on missions across the city, and things just keep getting worse.” 

You smile up at her before pushing yourself back up on your two feet, brushing the dirt from your pants. “Sure, let’s get going–” but as you stand, it feels as if a bolt of lightning strikes you down or as if your chest has been cracked open by a sledgehammer. The agony was too great to even scream as you fell to your knees and crashed back into the ground. 

It was lights out. 

-

It was quiet. Dark—a vast, unending expanse of nothingness that swallowed you whole. An endless drift. It would have almost been peaceful if not for the faint pull at the edges of your awareness, like an anchor trying to tether to something you couldn’t see. 

But then came the first sound. 

You heard voices—muffled cries. Please wake up, said one voice. Please stay with me, came another. 

Pain began to throb somewhere in the background, dull and distant. Disembodied as if it belonged to someone else. 

Don’t you dare leave me. The voice was sharp, demanding, cracking under the weight of fear. You knew that voice and remembered all the sweet things it used to whisper to you. Your heart takes a painful lurch. You can hear its occasional beat in your ears. We need you. I need you. 

Oddly, you were cold.

You were drifting again, further and further. The anchor was slipping. You were sinking, your head hardly above water, when another muffled voice broke through—whimpering, sobbing. Your heart lurches painfully.

Mom, please don’t go.

The words pierce through the nothingness, shattering it all to bits and pieces. The words pull at you, a lifeline you hadn’t known you clung to and needed. Images begin to flash, and suddenly, the voices are no longer just voices. Your heart suddenly burns as though the memory of life itself is fighting its way back into you. 

Your eyelids were heavy, limbs weak, unresponsive—cold. You were so cold, but it wasn’t enough to stop you from crawling out of a black pit that threatened to swallow you whole. There’s a faint sensation of pressure, a hand tightly gripping yours. 

Light begins bleeding into the edges of your awareness. You sucked in a deep breath, lungs empty and greedy. 

Then, your eyes fluttered open.  

You blinked a few times, realizing how hard it was to breathe. Breathing was supposed to be an automatic response, but you had to force it, each breath dragging along the back of your throat like sandpaper. You’re weak and shivering as you use most of your energy to sit up. You were in an empty room, you realized—the sharp smell of sanitizer permeating your nose. 

You push yourself out of bed, knees buckling under your weight. You catch yourself, gathering whatever bits of strength you have left. Your teeth clattered. You were freezing. Shaking, you wrapped the white blanket over your shoulders, gripping it tight before you trudged towards the door.

The hall was mostly empty, all except for a sleeping boy slouched over in a chair beside your door. Your heart squeezes. 

“Megumi,” you whispered his name. You stare at him for a moment, unable to bite back the tears that nip at your dry eyes. 

You wrapped the blanket around him, tucking it gently around him. However, he flinches, jumping straight up in his chair. “S-Sorry,” you tell him quickly with a watery smile. “You looked cold.” 

“You…” the word was a raw and weak whisper. His eyes widened. It took a moment for recognition to settle in, but once it did, he spoke again. “You’re awake.” He stood up from his chair, and you stepped back, offering him space. “You’re awake,” he repeated again. 

Then, you start to wonder just how long you’ve been out of it. Days? Weeks? The thought of months terrifies you, but before you can even go down that loophole, he’s hugging you tightly. “You’re awake,” he says once more, his voice breaking. 

However long it was, he’s right. You’re awake. You’re here, living and breathing. You wrap your arms around his torso, patting and rubbing his back soothingly. “Yup… I’m here. I’m awake.” 

You let him be the one to pull away, letting him take however long he needs. You enjoyed it regardless. You couldn’t remember the last time you hugged him. 

When he pulls away, his eyes are red. He sniffs a bit, backing up and taking the blanket off his shoulders. This time, he’s the one wrapping the fabric around you. He’s frowning a bit as he does. “... you’re the one that’s cold,” he notes quietly. 

“What happened?”

“You don’t remember?” He asks softly, brows furrowing. 

You shook your head. No. Frankly, you didn’t remember much of anything right now. “I was on my way with Yuji and Nobara. We got on the train after you let me know where you were staying.” That’s right. You texted Megumi when you figured out where you’d be staying. You thought they’d come over sometime in the following days. You had no idea they were rushing to see you on the next available train. 

He places his hands awkwardly on your shoulder before gently guiding you to the chair he was sitting in moments ago. As you go to sit, your body seems to forget how to move for a moment, and you lose your balance. He catches you quickly, carefully helping you down into the chair. “When we got to Kyoto, we realized quickly how bad things were over there.   We started helping out at the Kyoto school, dealing with the curses that had been lingering in the area where the cursed womb opened up. Eventually, we ran into Todo and Miwa. They told us what happened.” He grunts, kneeling down so he’s at eye level with you. 

You’re silent for a moment. “How long was I out for?”

“Pushing four days now.” 

The memories strike you like a fright train. “Are you okay? Is everyone alright?” You hadn’t realized you had reached for his cheek. 

He grabs your wrist, thumb gently caressing the back of your hand before pulling your hand away, guiding it back to your lap. He moves the blanket until it's covering you again.  “We’re all fine. Everything’s been dealt with. Yuji and Nobara went down to the cafe to grab some lunch. They’ll be thrilled when they come back.”

You tilt your head. “Why didn’t you go with them?”

He smiles a bit. “I didn’t want to leave you unattended.”

You don’t know what to think. You’re just happy you’re back. Happy because he was happy. You always hated it when he worried about you. You never believed it was his job to do so. However, he stayed by your side and protected you when you couldn’t protect yourself. 

You wiggle your toes and roll your shoulders before standing again. “You shouldn’t be standing–”

“I’m alright, I promise,” you tell him, dismissing his concern. “I just want to walk around, okay?”

He stares at you intently, unsure, but he seems to have no energy to argue with you. “... alright,” he relents. 

He follows you closely as you drag your feet across the floor. You don’t know where you are walking, but you want to stretch your legs and regain a sense of your body. You are weak, but you need to move. 

You ask the question you were too hesitant to ask: “What about Gojo?”

He huffs. “He left a little while ago. Said he’d be back shortly,” he scoffs. “Bullshit if you ask me.”

“Megumi,” you sigh his name with a soft reprimand. 

“He should be here,” he responds disgruntledly. “He should be by your side, and he’s not."

You stay quiet. You’re not exactly sure what to say to him when you agree. Maybe Gojo was done. Whatever this was, whatever relationship you had—maybe he didn’t want you anymore. You look ahead, fighting your own body that threatened to collapse at any moment. You could feel Megumi’s eyes on you, but you didn’t have the heart to look at him right now.

You were afraid you would sob if you did. 

Though you had never walked these halls before, the hospital's layout was quite easy to catch on to. After taking a fourth right turn, you see your room in the distance. A stubborn part of you says to keep going and keep walking, but the exhaustion is catching up to you quickly. If Megumi hadn’t been by your side, cautious eyes scanning you, you might have kept going until you passed out. You realize that the strength you had was nearly depleted. Only trickles of your cursed energy remained, and it would be a long while before you gained it back. 

You hear footsteps behind you. Quick and ushered. Megumi turns before you, his whole frame tensing.  He sucks his teeth and clicks his tongue. “So he finally shows up.” He speaks in a sardonic tone, loud enough for anyone in the hallways to hear.

Satoru comes running from around the corner then, taking deep breaths. Your brows slightly pinch together in confusion. “S–Satoru,” you stutter, walking closer. “When did you get here?”  He looks disheveled. Alarmed. Was he just running? 

It was hard trying to figure out what he was feeling or experiencing when that black eyeband covered his eyes. However, you noticed the bouquet in his hands, a delicate combination of soft and tender hues: pale pink and roses, white peonies, deep pink lilies, and baby’s breath delicately wrapped along sprigs of greenery. 

You place a hand on Megumi’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go eat with the others?”

“But–”

“I’ll be alright,” you explain to him in a soft tone.

He hesitates, torn between staying and leaving.  He was unsure if he should leave you to handle this alone, but after a moment, he backed down, probably realizing he shouldn’t stand between the two of you and what needed to happen. With an irate glance shot at Gojo, he turns, pocketing his hands as he makes his way to the stairs. 

Only when the door shuts do you look at Satoru again. 

He stays unusually quiet, his face unreadable. Frankly, it was rather unsettling. You had no idea what was going through his mind. “I–I’m sorry!” you blurt out the first words that crash to the surface of your mind the moment you see him in his entirety. There was no hope of holding back. After days spent away from him, lost in his absence, and days dancing on the edge of death, the words tumble out of you before you can stop them—unbidden, unstoppable. “For everything. Y–You must have been stressed with work and other things. My fuck up only added to your plate. I get it, ya know? It's selfish of me, even now, to rely on you so much when there’s a whole world that needs you. They are not my students, and I put them in danger.” Quickly, the tears gather in your waterline again, but you blink them away. “I–I’ll be leaving soon. I’ll… I’ll go. I’ll get out of your way, and you won’t have to deal with me bothering you any longer–”

“Can I touch you?” The question comes suddenly, softly, and almost hesitantly. 

You blink a few times, puzzled, but then, you unravel, folding inward under the weight of his voice. Your breath hitches in your throat. Was he still holding onto what you had said that night? Was he haunted by the barriers broken and the others so carelessly assembled? 

He still wanted you? 

You didn’t want him to let you go. Not yet. Not ever.

Like a dam breaking, you surged forward, closing the space between you two. Seconds later, you feel his resolve crumble. He crushes you to his chest, flowers falling to the floor. His arms enveloped you with a force that robbed you of breath, your feet nearly coming off the ground as you both stumble backward. Trembling, he clung to you as if you were an anchor in a world that threatened to tear him apart. There were no words—the unspoken agony and grief were far too overwhelming to put into words—if there even were words for it. 

I’m sorry. I love you. I’m glad you’re okay.  You felt it all with him. You could feel the pounding of his heart against your chest, hear its frantic rhythm match your own.

His hands were shaking, one tangling in your hair, the other wrapping entirely around your frame and squeezing your hip. He buries his face into your neck, and his hot breath is ragged and uneven as he inhales your scent. “I thought–” he swallows, shaking his head. “I didn’t know where you were—for a second time.”

Your cursed energy was low, more depleted than it had ever been. It explains why you were so weak, so frail. When he saw your empty bed, he must’ve panicked. He ran to you, anxiously following the weak traces of your presence. 

Your fingers tangle in his hair, and the familiar silk of his eyeband rubs against your skin. You gently tug at the fabric with the tips of your fingers. His breath hitches, but he doesn't pull away. Instead, he stills as you slip the black band from his face. He lifts his head just enough to rest it against yours. They were that same stunning shade of azure—bright and impossibly vivid, glowing softly as if they carried the remnants of a forgotten star. Captivating, otherworldly, yet achingly human—something he’d often forget from time to time. 

“You promised,” he murmurs, voice broken. “You promised.”  

“What are you talking about?” you ask just as brokenly. 

Suddenly, one of his hands grasps your neck, and you choke on your words. He doesn’t squeeze tight, but the look on his face is enough to make you gasp. “I couldn’t feel you. I couldn’t feel you anymore,” he says achingly. 

Your chest tightens, nails slightly digging into his forearm. You open your mouth to speak, failing more times than succeeding. You wanted to speak, but the words lodged in your mouth. 

“I–I don’t understand.”

“You’re not wearing it anymore,” he murmurs, his nose brushing softly against your cheek. The necklace you always wore—his gift to you, the one that held a part of him, a part of the two of you—was gone. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach, an absence that gnawed at him like hunger, an emptiness he could never satisfy. 

His voice wasn’t angry, far from it. It wasn’t even harsh, but something in it—a quiet desperation—made the air between the two of you quiver. 

“You promised you’d never go where I couldn’t follow,” he whispers again. “Remember?” 

You nod in his hold, tightly pursing your lips together when a few tears escape, dripping from your eyes.  He leans in, pressing his forehead against yours again, gazing deep and unwavering into your eyes. I remember. His grip on your neck loosens until he removes his hand from your throat completely, gentle fingers pushing down your shirt's fabric. His fingers trace your skin, the empty spot where your necklace once laid. 

Then, it suddenly hits you. “Oh.”  

He could feel you as much as you felt him. If you were ever too far from him—out of the range of his sight, out from where his hands could reach for you, that necklace was a beacon, a beckoning, a lighthouse in the storm that guided you home—guided him home. 

You squeeze him tighter. You missed him. You really missed him. 

“How did you find me?” 

He takes a moment to breathe, trying to settle the rapid beat of his heart. “Utahime.” He wheezes out a pained laugh. “She called me panicking once you collapsed. I got there as quickly as I could.”  

You copy his laugh, albeit coughing a bit from the pain blooming in your ribs. You hated to admit it, but the longer you stood, the more your body began to hurt. “I should just heal myself and get this over with.”

“Don’t,” his grip tightens on you again. “you’re using it wrong. There’s damage, lots of it,” he tells you, wiping at the blood that had stained your skin at the corner of your mouth with his thumb. “Any more and–” his eyebrows furrowed deeply, the weight of grief and guilt tugging his features. The corner of his lips tightened. “Shoko operated on you for hours. You nearly died.”

He sees what others cannot, his gaze piercing the surface to something deeper, something raw. He sees the world through an entirely different lens, and right now, the sight of you seems to pain him dearly. 

For a moment, you wonder just how much damage is hidden within you and how much it must weigh on him to see it. “Shoko might have gotten you out of the woods, but she told me you’d need a few more rounds to get you back to normal.”

“That makes sense,” you murmur, allowing your entire body weight to ease into him. He accepts you with open arms. “I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. Or twenty.”

“I missed it,” he utters, voice thick with regret. “If I had just looked a bit closer, we wouldn’t be in this mess. I fucked up. I could’ve prevented this.” His careful grip on you tightens as if you’d slip away from him once more.  “But,” his tone softens. “You did so well. You took care of that cursed womb before I could even get to the scene.” Even through his pain and wallowing, his heart swells. He was proud of you. 

He bends down, grabbing the flowers he dropped before moving towards you again. “Oh gosh,” you hide your face into his neck as he reaches down, one arm hooking under your legs as he lifts you. You don’t hesitate, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I’m definitely fired, aren’t I?” 

He carefully guides you back into your room. He manages to toss your flowers on the counter by the window. “Don’t worry about any of that. I’ll handle it. ‘Kay?” He places you down on your bed, but he hesitates, not wanting to fully pull away. 

Your eyes flicker, recalling the night of your augment. You knew this was the reason behind his haunted expression. You recognized the torment because you, too, had felt it. “You’re mad,” he observes relatively quickly.

You didn’t want to bring it up. You weren't necessarily mad, not anymore, but even near death couldn’t make you forget the pain he had caused with words he so carelessly struck you down with. 

“What you said… Hurt me, Gojo,” you look down at your hands, feeling selfish for even bringing this up after nearly dying. However, you knew this conversation was inevitable.  “Even if you were right I felt cast aside. Useless. Why didn't you tell me you felt that way before?”

“No… don’t say that. I was being stupid. I over reacted. I know you'd always protect those kids and that's exactly what you did. You’re not weak or a nuisance, or... convenient.” you flinch at the word. “You’re far from that. I need you to know that.”

“...Then what am I?”

“Everything,” he shudders. “You’re everything.” His lips brush over your forehead, your cheeks, and eyelids, each kiss tender and lingering. But then he pauses, his smooth lips hovering just above yours. He’s always been so confident, so self-assured. You’re unsure how to react.

You were sitting on your bed, feet dangling just above the floor. He is leaning over you, one large and warm hand on your thigh, the other cupping your face gently. He was close, but not close enough. Even bent at the waist, his height keeps him just out of your reach unless he leans back down just a bit more…

You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down to you, giving him all the assurance you have to offer.

You were hurt, but you still wanted him.

You still loved him. 

His mouth was warm and soft—testing the waters and treading carefully. His grip on your thigh tightens until– 

He lets go. You feel the tension in his body dissipate, and finally, he allows himself to fully enjoy you—taste you. The kiss deepens, and you swear it brought life back into your frail body. He overwhelms you now in the most delicious way possible. Your toes curl, and your tight embrace eases. Your arms go weak, your hands moving to run down his chest, his taut muscles quivering in the wake of your touch.  Every moment was a promise, every brush of skin a new vow. No words were spoken, but you both heard everything that had been held back, everything that had been left unsaid. 

I’m sorry.

I love you. 

I love you.

I love you. 

He smiles against your lips, but you don’t stop or pull away, catching and nipping at his bottom lip. Then, you kiss him again, slotting his top lip between yours. “You really love me, huh? Hehe.”

Oh. You hadn’t realized you said it—whimpered murmurs against his lips. No wonder why he looked all dopey and smiley. 

“You’re not going to make me grovel for forgiveness?” He pecks your lips again. “This seems too easy. I know you’re still mad.”

You chase after his lips. “Of course, I’m still mad,” you mutter against him. “But I thought I would never see you again.” Even as he frowns, you pepper his lips with kisses. “Plus, it's not like you to grovel.”

“I would for. Only for you, of course.”

You giggle, nipping his lip a little harder. “Yeah,” you rolled your eyes. “I’d like to see that.”

Oh no. You’ve made a grave mistake. You knew you messed up again the second the words fell from your lips. There’s a glint in his eyes now. 

“Oh, my beautiful, angelic Queen! I know I have displeased you. Please accept my humble apologies!” You squeak at the suddenness of his actions. He sinks to his knees dramatically, and his palms meet the dirty floor, and so does his forehead. “I am at your mercy! I have failed you greatly, and I wish to make amends.”

You swat him on the back of his head, but it's not nearly enough to hurt him or deter him from whatever this is. “Gojo! Don’t bow like that! Get up!”

“But I can’t!” He whines. “You must forgive me! I will spend eternity on my knees if it means I can regain your favor, my perfect, beautiful, divine Queen. You alone rule this sinners heart!”  He inches forward on his knees, squeezing himself between your legs. His hands find homage on your waist as he nudges his face into your stomach.

Your eyes roll skyward. “Only you could apologize and insult me at the same time, Satoru,” you grumble, looking down at him before running your fingers through white stands. 

Suddenly, he looks up from this position, resting his chin right beneath your ribs, grinning ear to ear. “You called me Satoru~”

You feel your face flush, heat gushing to your cheeks and ears. “Shut up. You’re such an idiot. Can you get up now?”

“Nah,” he says lazily, burying his head into your stomach again. His voice comes out muffled. “I’m trying to make amends with my Queen. Let me, will ya?”

You ease, realizing you won't be able to stop him from doing what he wants. Even if it was a bit theatrical, he was doing his best—you know that because you know him. You let your nails gently graze his scalp as you continued to pat him. He hums, almost purrs, as your other hand finds his shoulder, squeezing him gently before running your fingers under his shirt, caressing his skull and the taut muscles in his back. A beat of silence passes, but you find yourself uncaring.

You had him back in your arms. That’s all that really mattered to you right now.

“Look, I know… I know I messed up,” he begins, voice so low, you nearly miss it. “I’m not great at this—saying the right things. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was stressed. I was fed up with the higher-ups and fed up with my missions, but that’s no excuse. If I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat. You deserve better than what I was giving you. I’m gonna try to be better… for you. For us.”  His words hang in the air a bit awkwardly, but you can see the sincerity in his eyes and hear it in his voice. It couldn’t be missed. He shifts a bit, moving to kiss your belly. Then, his large hand wrap around yours, guiding your hand closer to his lips. He kisses the back of your knuckles tenderly as if the act of his apology could never be enough.

“You want me to stay?”

He squeezes you tighter. “Of course I do. What would I be without you?”

“Hm. You’d still be Gojo Satoru. Even without me.” 

“I don’t want to imagine a life without you,” he mutters. “Wherever you go, that’s where I’ll follow. I've already told you that…”

“Don’t say that,” you whisper sweetly, patting his head. He nudges his head further into you. “The world will always need you.”

“I will always need you. So please… stop talking like this.” He pinches your side, making you squeak. Finally he looks up, an unimpressed expression gracing his features. “And don’t ever leave the city to get away from me. When you told me you were going to a hotel, I thought you meant in Tokyo.”

You chuckle nervously, looking elsewhere. “Yeah… Sorry about that.” 

“Next time, take a walk or something. I dunno, go touch some grass if you get tired of me.”

A small smile escaped you, followed by a quiet laugh that shook your shoulders. You pat his back three times before kneading him softly. “Okay, humble peasant. You've groveled for long enough. Now lay with me,” you demand him. “I want you to lay with me. I’m so tired.”

“Psh. I’d hardly fit on this bed.”

“Whatever,” you tell him, scooting over. “I’ll make room. Get in, string bean.”

He grins. “Yes, ma’am.”

 It’s a bit awkward at first with his lanky form, but he makes it work. It was a tight fit, and his feet slightly dangled off the bed, but he made no objections. With your back to his chest, he held you against him securely.

“You’re cold,” he observes out loud when you start playing with his fingers. It’s a bitter realization, a deafening one on his part. You know it bothers him, especially as he wraps the blanket around you tighter.

He tries not to let it show. However, he quickly becomes restless and you know he isn’t sated. He begins to move. “Let me go get you another blanket.”

“Nooo. Stay here.”

“Huh? But you’re freezing! And you’re never cold!”

“I’m already warming up!” You intervene with a small giggle, tugging him by his jacket. “Just shut up and lay with me, already.” He hesitates before unbuttoning his black jacket. When he was determined, there wasn’t any stopping a man like him, and right now, he was determined to get you warm.

He lays his jacket over you, spreading the fabric out, smoothing away all the wrinkles, and making sure you're covered. It might as well be a blanket with how long it was over you. Bonus points because it still carried him warmth and smelled like his cologne. A blend of earth and wood with a hint of something darker—smokey and smooth. You always loved the scent. Whenever he walked by, it brushed past you like a gentle breeze over still water, warm and inviting, with subtle notes of leather, musk, and vanilla. 

He grunts a bit before easing into the bed again. “My little icicle- ow,” you shot your elbow back, getting him right in the ribs. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” He chuckles, before wrapping his arms over you one more. He brushes your hair from your neck, his breath fanning against your skin. He kisses you there once, twice, three times before saying something familiar. 

“I could sense when you left Tokyo. I didn’t know what to do. Even with my eyes, I couldn’t find you. You were just gone. Don’t ever go where I can’t follow." He kisses your neck. "Please.”

You turn around, searching for his lips. He melts into you once again, squeezing your side sweetly. “I promise,” you murmur. “Wherever you go, that’s where I’ll follow,” you say, voicing back the same promise he made you. He smiles faintly against your lips.  

When you woke up the next morning, your necklace was there. It was back where it belonged, sapphires resting gently over your steady beating heart—carrying Satoru’s silent promise.

Wherever you go, that’s where I follow. 

-

a/n: I honestly don't know how I feel about this but if you made it to the end I hope the nearly 18k was worth reading. If you couldn't tell its based off the song Die With A Smile. Honestly, I think I might have been happier by making this a bit longer and flushing out some of the scenes more, but I was trying new things and I was excited to post my first jjk post :) however its getting late now but if there's any typos or errors I notice later I'll edit as needed.

anyways, if you'd like to see more gojo x sorcerer!reader let me know! also I really hoped you liked the bits I added with Megumi (he's just a smol bean).

likes and reblogs are always appreciated! :p

[aviawrites]

wait for me (sinners)

!s: smoke x female!oc

summary: Rue has worked for years to forget Elijah Moore and what he left her with before he ran to Chicago. But when she sees his ambitious twin in the square, all of their history comes rushing back. (3.1k)

a/n: it has been so long, but Sinners is truly a movie in its own category. i also need to preface that i am black for this story. anyway, as always, ur interaction is greatly appreciated, ily<3

warnings: swearing, n word use (by smoke and stack), mentions of child loss, abortion, sex, racism

in this story, our characters name is: Rue

Elijah Moore and I never had a complicated relationship. Hell, Smoke might even say we had none at all. But for years after he ravaged me in that car outside of the bar, I thought about him every night. We were together, I’d say — Boyfriend and girlfriend for as long as his grief consumed him. But the moment Annie found out, Smoke disappeared from my arms and was at her feet, begging for forgiveness. I don’t blame her, not in the slightest — I can only imagine that those were some of their darkest times.

Elias, on the other hand, him and I had a complicated relationship. When I found out that Smoke left a piece of himself in me, there was no way I could tell him, not after what he’d just been through. So I went to the closest thing to him, Stack. And although what we had is never to be considered romantic, there was something there — Familial, even. He knew it, Mary knew it, and for that very reason I was never allowed within an 100 foot radius of the twins until the day they left, not if I wanted to feel welcome.

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📍 Train Station || 12:00pm

The feelings from all those years ago bubble up inside me and form a twist in my gut when I see that all-too-recognizable burgundy top hat. My feet move before my mind can stop them, and in no time I’m approaching my old friend.

Stack flashes a gold toothed smile. “I’ll be damned.”

I return the nicety, pulling him in for a warm hug.

“Word spreads fast,” I nod. “Y’all still got the same appeal you had all them years ago.”

“You don’t have to tell me that, darling. I know it.” His cocky smile takes me back, the only thing differentiating him from his brother being his energy.

“Do I even want to know why you came back?”

“You heard it as good as I did." He gestures toward little Preacher Boy and the old man. “We’re opening a Juke Joint tonight, right there down at the old mill.”

“Y’all never could stay still. Chicago wasn’t change enough for you?”

He shrugs. “Figured we should deal with a devil we know. Besides, we miss the tricking.”

“Mmm,” I hum. “Well if Miss Pearline back there is singing, I might just pay this Joint a visit.”

Stack looks past me and at the polka dottted woman walking away from Preacher Boy. 

“Shit, if that’s what it takes for you to come, it’s done.”

Always so charming.

He ogles me, his eyes scanning up and down my exposed arms.

“What’s this?” Stack rubs his fingers over the dark ink lining my skin — Art ranging from numbers to symbols to simple symmetric images. 

“You know I’m an artist, boy.” I pull my arm back, scoffing. “Figured I’d get a few permanent ones to remember a few things.”

“And you talking about we couldn’t stay still. I’ll be visiting to get a look at those paintings of yours one of these days.” Stack’s grin begins to fade as he looks over my shoulder. 

Preacher Boy walks up and nears his cousin. “This white woman’s been staring at you—“

“Yea, I see her…”

He shoos Sammie away and tries to walk me off, but I’m already well aware of what shark is in the water — I can hear her heels clicking behind me.

“Now is this Smoke? Or is that Stack?”

I turn my head. “Hi, Mary.”

No response. Only a rough shoulder check as she stands in front of me and nears Stack.

He looks over her head and at me. “I’ll holler at you, Rue—“

Mary interrupts. “No, you’re not talking to fucking Rue right now. You’re talking to me.”

Stack huffs, looking back down at the woman dressed in pink. I give him a ‘have fun dealing with that’ look before turning and catching my train. 

Of all the women wrapped around the twins’ fingers, Mary has got to be the most spiteful of them all. For no good reason, though. Contrary to her belief, I never once slept with Stack, never even thought of it. But as far as she knows, I kissed him all the way to where the sun don’t shine, and then some.

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📍 Juke Joint || 10:00pm

This old mill has lit up under the construction of the twins. People hoot and holler as Pearline ignites the stage, turning into the musical beast I knew she would the minute she started singing. Having no dance partner, I simply clap along, moving my body to the beat alone. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the same damn burgundy hat that I saw only hours ago.

I can feel Annie’s eyes burning holes into my skull as I sit at the bar, Stack walking up to me.

“Now who the hell did y’all rob to afford this place? Ain’t this being sold from the Klan?” I shout across the bar, my voice being drowned out by Pearline’s Pale, Pale Moon.

Stack shakes his head. “Not Klan, just crackers. You know we got money, girl. Don’t do that.”

“Yea, well blood money don’t count. So how much you got now?”

He pulls his pockets inside out, amusing me.

I chuckle, placing my money on the bar. “Y’all have blackberry bourbon smash?”

“I don’t know if I can do that for you…” 

His fake frown quickly turns into a grin as he takes the money, relaying my order to Grace.

“Fancy motherfuckers,” I mumble.

“What was that?” Stack eggs me on.

My eyes scan the bar, but all I can focus on is that hateful scowl on Annie’s face.

“I said all these women hate me.” 

Stack scoffs. “Only those particular women.”

That’s more than enough for me I think.

He leans in, his lips grazing my ear.

“You know none of these girls got shit on you, Rue. They ain’t half as strong either.”

A small smile grows on my face, matching Stacks. He goes to hand me back my cash, but I slide it back to him.

“I don’t need it,” I front.

“Yea? Well me neither. So you gon’ fucking take it.”

I roll my eyes, pocketing the change and standing with my drink. I’ve barely made it away from the bar when cigarette smoke cascades from over my head. Instinctively looking up, I finally see him. 

Smoke stares down at me from the balcony with that hard expression he always wears. It’s so strange, seeing that rock solid glare. When we first met in a dingy bar on the side of a dirt Mississippi road, he hung his head low and seemed to always have glossy eyes. I didn’t believe him when he told me he was Smoke. When he fucked me that night, and many a nights after that, it was slowly — With passion, and often tears followed the act. But now his eyes are as dry as a dessert and they pierce a hole through mine. 

He takes another blow of his cigarette before turning his back to me, retreating into a room. I have no choice but to follow him, even if it’s just to get yelled at to go away as he did the last time we met. I take my time, downing my glass of bourbon as I walk up the stairs. I can’t pinpoint exactly why, but my heart thumps in my chest just before I open the door, all of the thoughts of what we could’ve had rushing back to my mind like they did eight years ago.

I enter the dimly lit room, closing the door behind me and leaning on it.

“Hi, Smoke,” I say lowly, unable to read his face.

“Why you here, Rue?” he grumbles, a roughness to his voice. “I’m already stressed the fuck out with this opening shit. Stack ain’t helping.”

“I don’t want no trouble. Just came for the music.”

“You being here is plenty trouble enough.” He scans my body the same as his brother, blowing his cigarette again. “You can’t find music no place else?”

“You want me to leave?” I ask honestly.

“Yea, I want you to leave. You think those women down there want you to leave too or are we acting stupid tonight?”

“They never even tried to like me, Smoke,” I sigh, my legs bringing me closer to him. I place my hand on his bicep, like I did all those years ago. “They got no idea what we had.”

He puts his hand on mine, pulling it off. “That was a moment of weakness, Rue. Whatever you think we had is gone now." 

I blink to avoid tears from forming. My first ever love, my first ever relationship being chalked up to a moment of weakness chips away at my heart. If it’s what he has to tell himself to dig out of the deep guilt he feels, so be it. But he won’t sit in front of me and act like what we had wasn’t real — Like it isn’t still there.

“So you're saying if the Juke was going good and Annie wasn't watching you like a hawk that you wouldn't entertain me? Wouldn’t consider us?"

Smoke shakes his head. “No, I really wouldn’t.” His brows furrow as he looks at me, seeming to remember a detail that he had previously forgotten. “And your cheating ass can take your business elsewhere.”

I can’t act surprised, not anymore. We allowed him to believe my infidelity as truth, Stack and I. Letting him think I went after his brother was easier than letting him know what Stack was really helping me do…At least it was in the moment. But as he stands in front of me now, I want nothing more than to ease his pain, calm his anger, and tell him the truth — Even if solely to stop him from loathing me so greatly.

“I didn’t cheat on you, Smoke.”

“Bullshit,” he stops me. 

“No, listen.” I step toward him. “I respected what you and Annie had, Smoke. I really did. And I understood that the loss of your baby caused you to make decisions that you might regret, even if that decision was being with me. So when you told me to leave you alone, I did. But I didn’t know if that still stood when I found out that we had a baby…”

The words feel odd coming out of my mouth. I tried so hard at the time to disconnect myself from it, calling the baby a thing inside my stomach rather than what it was: Mine and Smoke’s child.

His brows have smoothened out now and he’s actively listening, his eyes flashing from my face to my stomach and back to my face.

I continue. “I didn’t visit Stack all those nights to get at him. Smoke, I never wanted anybody but you. But God put it on my heart to give you and Annie peace, so we went at it alone. No one knew. He paid a few women to make the drink without telling them who it was for. It only took a few hours for the bleeding to start…”

My voice trails out. I’m unable to finish as flashbacks to that night replay in my head. My mama held me tighter that night than she ever had before…I hated Smoke that night more than I ever had before.

Tears line his eyes now.

He chokes on his words, his voice now much lower. “Don’t you lie to me, Rue…” 

“I wouldn’t lie, baby,” I assure him.

I hold my arm out for him, revealing the tiny footprint tattooed on my wrist, a small E underneath it. 

“We couldn’t be sure, but I had a feeling it was a boy. Ezra, I was thinking. Stack hated the name but…” I shrug. 

Smoke runs his thumb over the tattoo, holding my hand in his. He attempts to discreetly wipe his tears, but I see them all the same. Looking up at him, his face can only be compared to the face he made when we spoke about his late baby, which wasn’t often at all. A mix of anger, sorrow, and fear. 

Perhaps he’s considering what could have been, just like I used to — Just like I still do. I used to curse God for putting me in such a position. A second chance for Smoke to be a father, but at the worst of times. I’d have dreams of talking to a clone of myself, telling her that she owed it to Smoke to tell him about the baby. It’s only now that I really see the consequences of my decision.

Smoke looks at me, and then at the door. It’s as if a switch has flipped and he’s forced all of those emotions to turn into one…anger. He reaches for the door, but I lean against it.

“Smoke, it’s already done,” I tell him, holding my hand against his chest. “I just couldn’t take you hating me no more.”

“Move out the way, Rue,” he says, not hearing a word I say.

“I don’t want to cause a scene. Please.”

“You think I give a fuck about causing a scene? Move out of the fucking way.”

“Smoke, it hurts enough as it is—“

“You’ve got one more time, woman.”

“There’s nothing we can do now!”

He wraps a hand around my arm, yanking me just enough to pull me away from the door and swinging it open. I run out behind him, but he’s already looking down the overlook.

“STACK!” he shouts down, the name echoing through the building. 

Everybody looks up, including Mary and Annie. Stack stares up at us, blowing smoke through his nose, before turning back to the crowd. He tells them to resume, nudging Sammie to keep playing. After a moment of silence and a few stray whispers, the music begins again and Pearline starts her singing. Mary holds Stack close, asking him not to go — But as always, the twins do what they want when they want. As Stack rounds the corner, I retreat back into the room, unprepared for what reaction he might have.

He’s barely entered before Smoke pins him against the wall, his forearm over Stack’s chest.

“The fuck?”

“Is it true?” Smoke demands, maintaning his cig in his pinning hand.

I close the door, shouting over the music. “Smoke, stop!”

He ignores me, continuing to press his brother. “Un-uh, I asked you a question, nigga. Did you know she had my baby?”

Stack’s eyes shoot from Smoke to me. I can only nod, giving him permission to tell the full truth as I just did. Stack relaxes, putting his hands up.

“I only did it to protect you, mane.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“You gon’ let me go so I can explain?” 

Smoke lingers before reluctantly letting his brother go with a shove. He puts a hand in his pocket, staring Stack down.

He gestures his cig at his brother. “Talk.” 

Stack smoothens his suit, lighting one of his own. “You know I don’t like that shit, Smoke—”

“Talk.”

He sighs, putting on a smile once more as he tries to explain calmly. 

“When y’all two broke shit off we didn't know we were even going to Chicago, Smoke. Shit, I still thought you and Annie were gonna get married and buy you a house. Rue said you told her to stay away to make that happen, so I helped her stay away. Now we both know she’d never forgive you if you had a baby with another woman.”

“But my baby is none of your fucking business.”

“I was trying to give you a life, nigga,” Stack urges. “Annie is where that life was at. Fuck I look like throwing Rue back at you when you didn’t want her?”

“My baby, Stack.”

Guilt boils inside of me. I never allowed myself to entertain the idea of keeping the baby. There was no way I’d bring him into this world without a father, and Smoke had Annie, so I thought I had no choice. But seeing him blink back his tears now makes me second guess every moment that the baby was inside of me.

Stack thinks carefully about his next words, his smile having faded as he sees how serious his brother is taking this.

“I’m sorry, man,” he shrugs, his tone softer now. “I did what I thought was safest for all y'all, you hear me?” 

Smoke is about to speak when a hard knock pounds the door. 

“Stack?” Mary’s familiar voice rings out from the other side.

“Now I gotta get back to the Joint.”

I hold my head low. “Bye, Stack.”

He heads toward the door, but not before turning to his brother one more time.

“We good?”

Smoke looks from me to Stack, giving him a small nod.

“Get out of here ‘fore I say no.”

Stack only smiles, swinging the door open. I stand beside him, greeting Mary.

“Oh my— Not this trifling bitch again, Stack.” She rolls her eyes.

“Come on. Lay off, Mary.”

“I think you owe her a goddamn apology,” Smoke intervenes, standing behind me.

I mumble, “it’s fine, Smoke.”

Mary scoffs. “For the fuck what?”

“For how you been treating her all these years.”

“How I’ve been treating her? You’re the one who fucked her for a month before running back to Annie.”

“You best watch your mouth, Mary.” He blows smoke toward her. “It’s not too late to pay one of them bitches downstairs to drag your ass out.”

“I’d like to see you try, Smoke—“

“Alright,” Stack interrupts. “Let’s go.” 

He pushes Mary away before closing the door behind him. I assume my previous position, leaning against the door — a much thicker tension in the air now.

“If you hate me even more after this, I understand.” I break the silence. “I don’t blame you. I just couldn’t let the truth belong to me and him alone anymore.”

Smoke stares at his feet, deep in thought. It’s become increasingly harder to tell what this man is thinking. He drops his cigarette, stepping on it.

“Now why would you do that on these new floors-“

His lips are on mine before I can finish, his hungry hands pulling up my dress. It’s automatic, the way my arm wraps around his neck, my hand nearing his crotch. He begins kissing down my neck, but I pull away. He stares at me, eyes wide.

“This isn’t a moment of weakness, is it?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “I don’t need a moment of weakness to do what I’m about to do to you.”

I smile, bringing his lips to mine once more. 

Annie will hate me if she finds out, she might hate Smoke even more. But like I told him before, she has no idea what we have. And if I want to fuck my sinner one last time in this Juke Joint, that’s exactly what I’ll do.