#thinking about Them (TM) again

[bluerosefox]

Dinner?

Feeling a bit Spirit Halloweenish.

Danny blinked, stared blankly, blinked again before slowly very slowly closed his front door.

A few seconds later Danny opened the door again and once again meet a certain tallish young man, around his age if maybe a few years older, in front of him...

Who was it?

Bruce Wayne....

Bruce freaking Wayne, someone according to what he heard from Sam telling him from what she heard from her parents had apparently just dropped out of med school and was 'in the wind' according to rich elite gossip talks, was at his front door.

........

Why?

Wait... Did he just ask Danny out on a date?

-x-x-

Bruce Wayne has just dropped out of med school and is beginning his training into becoming the person his city needs him to become. While looking into where he can he remembers how in his teen years the planet was almost destroyed but was saved by a ghost teen hero and looks into it. He digs deep to uncover what happened, uncovering impressive firewalls Amity Park has, etc and finds out about Danny Fenton/Phantom.

He decides to go visit the younger man, who is just about to start college himself, and ask a few questions.

He uhhh... Bruce just wasn't expecting to find Danny very cute (even though he was pretty certain Phantom had been his first male crush when he saw a photo of the teen years ago), and adorable with his owlish stare, and well the first words out of his mouth was

"Would you mind joining me for dinner?"

-x-x-

[skibasyndrome]

Something about them refusing to break contact, even in between kisses... Something about the fact that they feel the need to keep hovering, basking in the moment of closeness, when the tension between them is palpable, and they don't dare to fully let go... Something about the fact that when they need to let for air they simply aren't willing to let any more distance get between them than absolutely necessary... Their passion is unparalleled.

They always kiss like they have been yearning for that kind of contact for years, and like now that they've gotta a(nother) taste they never want to stop again, it's honestly mind-boggling.

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

[crepuscularqueens]

penny and quentin shoulda made out sloppy style at least just once

[cdroloisms]

Welcome to Just Me And Him: The Game! Dating sims are uh still relevant, right?

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

i wish there was a space for actual adults within this fandom. i guess i will have to create it, even if it's just me and other five people and a shoelace. i wonder how this whole thing is gonna develop!

[necrotic-nephilim]

Sorry if this might be a rude question but why don’t you just make a seperate account for your nsfw fics?

not rude, it's a valid question! tbh it's a combination of a couple reasons.

i started posting anonymous dead dove batcest fics long before i had the balls to make a tumblr. at first i was content to just leave them unassociated with each other because i didn't really care about them being tied to me. i made this blog to actually show solidarity to my partner who wanted to make a sideblog for Sandman comic stuff so we could cheerlead each other and be brave together, since i've wanted to make a batcest sideblog but i've been nervous about actually having to get it going. (mal ik you're reading this go be brave and actually make your blog so i can cheerlead you damnit-) only did it dawn on me then that i should probably mention the fics i've written on the blog after like, three of them were posted anonymously. and it would've annoyed me to have half of them anonymous and half of them not, because notifications for them would've gone in different places. i could go back and take my fics off anon if i wanted to, but i can't switch the account they're on without taking them down entirely and that'd fuck over people who have them bookmarked already.

which, ties into my second reason, if i made an entire second ao3 account it'd be harder for me to see notifications, reply to stuff, and post things for both accounts because i'd have to constantly switch. and honestly i'd be terrified of accidentally posting on the wrong one on a brain fog day. posting fics is always the most tedious part of writing them for me lol. it's easier for me to stay logged into one account and have all of my stuff in one place for me and just use the anonymous collection when i feel like it. if ao3 pseuds worked like tumblr blogs, where you can't see all my side blogs but i can, i would've used pseuds, but since you can see all pseuds on an ao3, i felt it was a moot point.

and the last reason is i just feel more comfortable being anonymous on ao3 because of the rise in anti culture. on tumblr it's very easy for me to just filter that out and find the people i want to follow and block the people i don't. i don't mind getting hate, on tumblr or on ao3. but i think, for whatever reason you want to blame it on, there's been a massive boom of antis on ao3 who are very entitled about how they read on ao3. i tag extensively, but i just feel safer from getting targeted attacks if everything i write on ao3 isn't attached to one profile. if people like a fic i wrote, want to find more i always link my tumblr in the notes, but if an anti wants to get huffy with me, they can't easily track down my other things. they definitely could if they wanted to, but being anonymous on ao3 just makes me feel more secluded, in a weird way. it's like saying "if you want you can come find me but on here i'm just a weird faceless guy throwing stuff in the void". i've used ao3's anon feature a lot, actually, i used to be a hydra trash party dumpster kid back when that was in it's prime.

i also used to be vaguely popular on a different tumblr blog and my main ao3 and while i think it'd definitely be cool if i got a decent chunk of followers on this blog too, i don't really miss having fanfiction do so well i got targetted hate on all of my fics from the same people, i had my fics stolen, etc. it was really exhausting for me. i have 120+ works on ao3, not counting what's anonymous, and that level of exposure tires me, even when i use my main ao3 to post things that aren't trashy. it's just a weird feeling knowing so many people are subscribed to you on ao3 and what if you post something they won't like because you jumped fandoms again, or you're posting something niche, or you don't think it fills enough fandom tropes to be well-liked. i used to obsessively think like that, and it made me not write the things i wanted to because i cared about numbers. and i don't want to slide back into that hole. writing on anonymous is mostly to remind myself i wrote this for me, and if other people like it, they can come find me, but i don't have to perform like that anymore. if i get a really weird fucked up idea, i can write the really weird fucked up idea. at the end of the day, just makes me more comfortable! but i get it's a super confusing set up from an outsider perspective so, i really don't mind the question, thank you for asking!!

[scalpelsister]

genuinely fear some of you may be stupid. god bless <3

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

forever mad about how dirty they did aveline from act 2 onward

[altblock-tm]

Badgeseller my love you are so underrated and have so much good potential

[valeriefauxnom]

You know, the more I read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the more I become curious if the writers were actually using it as a guideline for Emile's character and plot involving him. Yes, yes, it's not particularly unique to create a selfish character nor one that has a comically grandiose perception of themselves, nor do are these traits comprehensive to what NPD is, but let me explain, because BOY the dude is a checklist.

As always, long post.

First, let's break out the good ole DSMV. It may not be perfect, but hey. It's what I've got to work with for Official Sources to escape pop psychology sites. Here's the diagnostic criteria for NPD:

How does Emile stack up?

1: He immediately establishes a sense of identity that he believes he is more great than a Greatwyrm.

2: Much of his actions in the main campaign are born from a desire to live out his dreams of power, fame, and recognition.

3: *Gestures vaguely at 98.4% of what Emile says in Dragalia lost* He often refers to others with derogatory names, especially those that reinforce the status differences between them. Honestly, his vocabulary regarding this is rather impressive. Ingrate, peasant, dreck, peon, clod...

4: Here's where I might start to suspect the writers were doing more than just writing an egotistical character. NPD is defined in part by the excessive need for admiration and reinforcement (more on that later). Emile occasionally voices sentiments like above. See also this quote in his Gala story, in which, despite being in desperate need for money, ultimately personally valued the praise he got from the customer more. He's always been a character desperate for positive response.

5: A bit hard to distinguish from some of the standard entitlement royalty does get, but...yeeaaah. Emile is very much entitled in a way that Leonidas, who also expects absolute obedience of subordinates to his orders, isn't. He seems to believe that everyone automatically, no matter who they are, will immediately acquiesce to his will without question, without having any basis for their subservience. Take how he expects, -despite knowing that nobody recognizes him as Emperor at the moment, -a street artist to give up tools of his trade simply because he demands it.

6: Again, quite a large chunk of his motives in the main campaign is exploitive behavior of others. He lies to make Mercury believe her home is in danger and that he can stop it, then establishes he views a pactbound dragon as a slave to his will. Chelle agrees to lend him her androids, and he immediately absconds with the remote she 'accidentally' left lying out to serve his own needs.

Even smaller things in chapter 4, like his demand for Euden to escort him to the summit, is taking advantage of Euden's sense of justice and fairness to ensure he can undergo Jupiter's trial (which he thinks he will win). Take his scheme to foster love for him once he yoinks the throne while everyone else is gone is manipulative. He creates a 'bandit problem' and then sets up scenarios to swoop in to save the day. People see through this one, but it's still manipulative.

7: *Gestures vaguely at Emile again* Emile is...lacking in empathy or consideration for others' lives. I feel like this is pretty self-explanatory.

8: We can see this even in the comics. His first appearence in them checks off several of the traits we've already discussed and adds in 'assumes others are jealous of him' to the book. But even sticking to 'pure' canon, Emile is long, long established that jealousy of his elder siblings in particular is a driving factor regarding his behavior. There's many examples for this, but I'll keep it short since I already used an excuse to drag out the comic.

9: *Gestures vaguely at Emile yet again* Honestly I'm not even going to add any pictures for this point. I think when even your NPC unit description claims you as 'haughty' it's an established character trait.

That's NINE out of nine traits, when FIVE is the requirement for a potential diagnosis. Key word being potential, because we place more requirements on a diagnosis than just matching some features.

But I'd like to go a bit deeper into it. It's one thing to constantly drag out all the moments of Emile being Emile, but digging into the whys of it all also is compelling to me and this argument.

Here's another small exert of the DSMV:

Though hinted at in chapter 4, we gradually came to know more and more about the deeper side and reasons behind Emile's behavior. The long and short of it was: he's jealous. He knows he's inferior, deep, deep down. And we've one connecting factor for what flipped the switch to the degree of behavior he spirals into in canon: Euden. Emile spells it out early himself.

From what we know of their relationship before canon, Euden seemed to be the adoring sibling eager to learn whatever Emile deigned to teach him and was generally subservient as he was to all his siblings. He, unintentionally, fed Emile's ego at being able to instruct an inferior, feeding that need for affirmation. Thus, when canon rolls around, Emile is gravely wounded (emotionally), by Euden's betrayal of 'stepping outside his place'. He's the pillar that's allowed Emile to raise himself so high, and now that he's moved, Emile falls.

In that same conversation, Emile explicitly cites the 'degradation' Euden is putting him through, and thus enters another long-lasting characteristic of NPD. Enter his rage.

Among all his other motivations for appreciation, Emile cultivated quite a potent desire to harm Euden in particular. Several times he expresses a desire or tries to kill him with his 'own two hands', but I think the Persona crossover event is a goldmine for demonstrating the extent of how enamored he is with thoughts of violence regarding Euden in particular after his 'offense'.

He doesn't just want to kill Euden. He wants to short drop hang him (ie, the non-instantaneous kind that leaves you suffocating, though who knows if they even know the 'break the neck instantly' variety either, to be fair). He wants to break him mentally and quite possibly physically, judging by how quick he is to call in Shadows to beat him. Somehow, I'd speculate just by the sheer pleasure he takes specifically in seeing Euden in despair and misery (he should take notes from Ciella) it'd be a quick jump to actual torture if Euden hadn't immediately been busted out as planned.

Why? Again: though his elder siblings left Emile feeling unappreciated and inferior, Euden is the one to have raised him up before dropping him. It's personal. Therein is his fragile self-esteem, so dependent on the one he viewed as inferior.

All this culminates to a surprisingly replete picture of what NPD actually looks like. It's not just base selfishness or some excess ego, but a incredibly strong and persistent pattern of this kind of behavior, all in fulfillment of a need to acquire adoration. It's the fury that can follow the broken self esteem when that adoration isn't given. It's the vengeful fantasies of harming those who wronged him, the lower empathy for others occasionally paving the way for acts of violence.

Somehow, Emile is still compelling (to myself included), despite him being much of what people loathe in the real world. He's bombastic and dynamic in a way that his more emotionally-composed siblings aren't, and that lends him well to comedy in its own way. It doesn't hurt that he's like. Probably the 2nd most common of the royal fam to pop up, after Euden. He's the Saturday morning cartoon villain who is the lowest on the totem pole of threats and thus safe to have a laugh at until he rolls 20 and starts causing very real danger.

That aside, I threw together this for a more light-hearted thing regarding Emile:

Edit: I remembered Zardin. I think it's kinda funny how Emile is a "better", more complete representation of a narcissist is and does than the supposed actual narcissist himself. I think it's a case of Emile being the 'technical' one while Zardin is a 'literary' one. Aside from being obsessed with his looks just as OG Narcissus was, he's... not really displaying many traits that I can recall from him. Still interesting.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

[taps mic] wings are to black mages as tails are to genomes, they're just axolotls about it

[iguessitsjustme]

To My Star - Music

It has been 6 months since @gillianthecat requested a music analysis of To My Star. I said I’d do it in a few weeks and I started it then shit life happened but I wanted to actually do the analysis so here it is…a million years later. I will say this might be a bit disjointed because some of my notes are from 6 months ago and the rest are from the past week so apologies in advance for that. I did want to make this a longer post since it’s been so long since it was requested so I might have gotten a bit carried away.

As always this is my disclaimer that I’m just an idiot with a somewhat decent ear and I enjoy soundtracks. I am wrong sometimes so take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Before I get into specifics, my general thoughts are that it’s a fine soundtrack. It’s not my favorite, but it does work very well for the show. It does a good job of keeping the tone that the show is setting. Most of the time the soundtrack helps set the tone of the show, but for To My Star it felt like the actors really set the tone for the show and the music followed. It wasn’t as cohesive as I really like, but it worked well enough that it didn’t stand out as not working. But with that said, I did really enjoy it. Overall it felt like they sampled youtube’s royalty free music catalog except for certain instances, but what they did choose to do actually worked really well but more on that later.

One of the main thingsI noticed when doing my rewatch for this, is that To My Star utilizes silence quite a bit. While there are some instances of music when Han Ji Woo and Kang Seo Joon weren’t around, for the most part, the music only followed their story. Other characters were mostly given silence when they were the focus, which was an interesting choice. It worked for TMS because it wasn’t the only time there was silence. There was always silence during Han Ji Woo and Kang Seo Joon’s important moments. The music waited until something was said before coming in and joining the scene. So it wasn’t as jarring as it would have been to have silence for the other characters. The silence being used for Han Ji Woo and Kang Seo Joon’s important moments made it so when it was silent for the other characters, the audience paid attention because their part in the story is also important. TMS is ultimately about Han Ji Woo and Kang Seo Joon but it’s not just their story as they are impacted by the other characters around them.

But as it is Han Ji Woo and Kang Seo Joon’s story, what were some of their big moments that were impacted by silence? There are a few but I’m only going to talk about what I think is the most important one. At the beginning, Kang Seo Joon hears a crash and has a panic attack as a result (been there my dude, it sucks). There is silence before the crash that leads into the panic attack and there’s silence at the start of the panic attack as well. Then we begin hearing a repetitive, dissonant note during the attack, but it’s backed by calming music that grows louder as Han Ji Woo cares for Kang Seo Joon. This worked almost a little too well for me. I don’t like being reminded of my own panic attacks like that, ya know? But it does a good job of using music to convey what Kang Seo Joon is feeling. We see the panic attack and we can hear it. It’s jarring.

The biggest surprise to me about the soundtrack was realizing that Kang Seo Joon and Han Ji Woo have different genres. Some shows do this and do it really well. A more recent example that I really loved was Never Let Me Go. Both boys had their own distinct genre that had to reconcile with each other when those two were together. That’s probably the one of the easiest shows to watch and pick up on the distinct music for each character. It’s far, far more subtle in TMS, but it’s there.

During the show, Han Ji Woo is a jazzy boy. It’s a smooth jazz, which fits Han Ji Woo’s character very well. He’s soft and subtle and his life should be formulaic and set in routine, but nothing has gone as expected. His routine has been thrown off. He still has his calm, almost stoic exterior, but inside he’s facing turmoil. Kang Seo Joon has come into his life and brought something new and unexpected. He’s facing feelings he wasn’t aware he could still feel and he’s willing to do things he didn’t realize he’s willing to do. Once his turmoil is settled though, he reverts back to what I believe his true genre is: classical. Han Ji Woo is a piano concerto. He’s soft and beautiful and strong. He can get loud and stand up for himself when needed and he can become muted when he’s feeling a little lost. Han Ji Woo settles into his new routine with Kang Seo Joon and he’s no longer a jazzy boy. He’s back to himself as a classical boy. The inner turmoil and struggle Han Ji Woo has felt is made so abundantly clear in this line:

At this moment in the show, Han Ji Woo’s jazz was slowly being taken over by Kang Seo Joon’s music. He was already scared because his genre was off but now even not-his-genre is being overtaken by Kang Seo Joon.

Kang Seo Joon has been consistently coming into Han Ji Woo’s life and overtaking his music. Kang Seo Joon is pop music. He is fun and upbeat. He is the music that so many people in the world listen to. I mean, it’s called pop music for a reason! At first it makes sense that Kang Seo Joon should have the more formulaic music. He seems shallow on the surface, but as always, that’s not the case as he has hidden depth and struggles. A lot of the pop songs that play are in English which was surprising, but they could be a hint at Kang Seo Joon being more than he seems. He’s not just the cookie-cutter celebrity that everyone, including Han Ji Woo, sees him as. He has hopes and fears and he has experienced his fair share of pain. And when he meets and starts falling for Han Ji Woo? Their music starts to blend.

When Han Ji Woo reaches for Kang Seo Joon’s face, about to take an eyelash off, but stops and walks away, leaving them both feeling like something has shifted in that moment, their music combines. It’s both poppy and jazzy. This is the moment that they both start to become aware that there are feelings floating around. 

By the end of the show, Han Ji Woo has embraced his jazziness because he realizes that his life isn’t going to go to routine now that he’s with Kang Seo Joon. When he’s alone, classical music follows him. But when he’s with Kang Seo Joon, he’s back to jazz. And in the very last scene, when those two are in bed and begin making out, the music is pop music but with a little jazz element thrown in. They’ve found their harmony and their balance as their two genres are able to meet to become one.

Here are some other things I noticed but they didn’t make it into the post itself:

-When Han Ji Woo is running to Kang Seo Joon at the end, it’s a pop song playing

-The music in the restaurant is smooth jazz

[bylertruther]

just remembered lucas and will's excited tappy-hands hugs and also their strong, stable, full body, will's chin hooked over his shoulder hugs . i am both Healed and also Dead

[here-comes-the-bard]

reading through old rps while the prazosin does its best and—

"It was the first time I'd seen you really smile, and I knew I couldn't let that disappear."

—is going to make me fucking explode actually. what the fuck do you mean someone's real smile meant so much to you that you had to draw it to preserve it. that's such a raw form of love. oh my god. I'M gonna cry over that what the fuck.

[identityarchitect]

SIGH.