#thinking about how a year long flashback of all that shit he went through with his twin barely felt like anything compared to the scream he

[gu6chan]

i've been relistening to the older soundtrack and it pains me to say that the new anime adaptation music makes me feel like i'm watching a slice of life series. idk if it's just the nostalgia speaking through me but it sounds just so artifical and soulless. i miss iwasaki taku and his trip hop!!!! he landed the vibes perfectly

Initially sent: 06/05/25 at 18:09

I intended for this to be like a 2-3 paragraph answer but got WAY too involved with it so it's under a read more to save any unfortunate soul passing by from all that scrolling 😭

Answered this quickly just so you can come back and see this anon bc I don't dabble much in kuro anymore these days and Tumblr likes to not notify ppl if they send things anonymously for some reason so I don't expect you to suddenly remember spending this ask and coming back to see it answered seven months from now 😭 however there is a LOT i wanna say so expect like 1 million updates and edits to this post down the line (days, weeks.... iunno 👀)

But YEAH NO EXACTLYYYYY I LITERALLY USED THE WORD "SOULLESS" TO DESCRIBE IT ALL THE TIME BACK IN THE DAY AND HELD BACK ON USING IT SPECIFICALLY SO I DIDN'T PISS PEOPLE OFF BUT THAT'S EXACTLY IT!!!! Like i said i can't speak on the public school arc/emerald witch arc osts because i never watched any of those (though the trailer music was.... eugh i VERY clearly remember that DID NOT like it, literally the second it came on i immediately noticed it and paused it like 🤨?????)

And it's like, in the public school arc i WOULD expect (or at least forgive, rather) a more slice of life vibe simply because that's.... really how it felt (note: that arc specifically was the full turning point i went from "black butler is so awesome and cool and perfect 😍✨🧚‍♂️💕" to "....you know, im kinda not enjoying this anymore" that the noahs arc circus and luxury cruiser arc had started to plant in my brain) but also like!!!!

generally speaking from the yasunori era that i DO know, a lot of what I feel MAKES it feel so ..... Boring? In comparison is that it feels REALLY constrained and par for the course of what you'd expect a "Victorian" anime to sound like, like??? How do i say it

Iwasaki just felt more like he was aiming more to capture the "feeling" of black butler and it's tone and story where Yasunori feels like he's trying to capture the setting, and it just comes off extraordinarily restrained as a result. like the reason you can have really bad engrish rap verses and triphop and THEN switch back to opera and then more orchestral/classical pieces and have it work is because that's what its meant to do!!! It's specifically meant to add to whatever feeling is trying to be conveyed by the scene and the emotions in it, where with season three onwards (and ironically, this is the same issue i have with the nier/dod3 soundtrack, ANOTHER series commonly boasted by its fanbase as being the better part but i just personally don't care for at all) it just feels impersonal. It doesn't feel like it's trying to capture a feeling as it's portrayed in a specific scene or sense, but more like just writing the word "sad moment" on a piece of paper and going "that's it i did it im a master of tragedy" it's too focused on hitting the specific chords and using the specific instruments than it really should be concerned with just.... throwing all that out the window to make ppl FEEL something imo

Another HUGE gripe I have with the current state of the Kuro soundtrack is that if i have to hear one more Generic Orchestral Soundtrack to Show This is The 19th Century (Young Master and Clear the Table is the exact kinda style im talking about) I'm going to RIOT LIKE I KNOW THIS IS THE NINETEENTH CENTURY I KNOWWWWWW IS THE SHOW ITSELF NOT MAKING THAT PERFECTLY CLEAR???? WHAT IS THE SOUNDTRACK ADDING TO THAT CONTEXT. WHY DO WE HAVE TO ESTABLISH THIS THROUGH THE SOUNDTRACK LITERALLY WHAT PURPOSE DOES ALL THAT EFFORT INTO SOUNDING "TECHNICALLY CORRECT" SERVE

and the worst part is iwasaki taku even did THAT and he had more sauce to it with operatic tracks like Cena D'Amore, Wie Schön and Tornado Nero speaking literal full german and italian for WHAT??? literally do you know how many autistic german middle schoolers lives were changed by that (🙋‍♀️)

Crossing, Thorny, whatever else idk i forget half the tracks names past season two go hard as fuck in composition solely because, in the formers case particularly, they were willing to be more experimental but they take me and out of it so bad bc they're all spoken in GIBBERISH and for literally what reason???? we used to be eating so good i hate the Japanese gibberish language craze i hate it hate it hate it hate it HATE IT (though i hesitate to say this in full confidence solely bc i don't speak a lick of hindi Nor do I know anything about hindi-style music and don't know whether the tracks used in the indian butler arc of S1 ARE authentic hindi or are similarly just bollywood hiphop-style gibberish. has anyone said anything on this or the Lizzie soundtrack because i wanna know what those whispers are saying so bad ....)

It's just OUGHHHHHH we were eating so good!!!!!! 😭 ALSO THE REPEAT SOUNDTRACKS ARE ABYSMAL i SWEAR listening to the OST of S3, BoM OVA and then the movie back to back and hearing Fantasia and Sweet Tears and Annoying Visitor get redone 20 million times felt so bland and lazy to me like 😭😭😭 come ON the worst we had it in S1-S2 was like. two one-time uses of si deus me relinquit (The piano version and then piano + cello which similarly makes me want to die when i remember those variations never got officially released....) and two versions of the slightly chipped full moon (Cruelly Eyes and Made by 3 Seconds, the latter i don't think was even officially played anywhere in Season 2??? But it's been almost 10 years since I've last watched it in full so i could be wrong)

I was GONNA say Cena D'Amore and spiders thread (Same with Ciel and Si Deus Me Relinquit) but using a leitmotif ≠ the song with different instruments so they're safe i would think :}

But MAN. The biggest thing for me is how if you played literally ANY track from the OST made by Iwasaki Taku i could literally track back to the exact moment it played (Nevermore with Ciel and the vision of his parents and how it turned into Si Deus Me Relinquit, SIMILARLY the piano version used towards the end of episode 10 with the hope diamond, cello version used in episode 16, little lady 1 and 2 and the white stag, A GLEAM IN THE DISTANCE AND THE EXACT MOMENTS ENGLISH DUB "and what about Pluto?" "...I'll collect his bones later." the list goes on and on and on...) where i can't really even place my favourite tracks from Yasunori???? Like. Sweet Tears and Fantasia played close to each other in the same episode i think im pretty sure lol

And I definitely admit a good bit of bias there solely because i used to watch seasons 1 and 2 religiously back when I was still into Black Butler, but — and this is the thing i got absolutely HOUNDED for back in the day — that's because season three onwards was boring as FUCK 😭

And tbh that's another thing i get really boomerish about!! I really just do prefer seasons one and two for the reason they were willing to have fun with the series premise. "Boy makes a contract with a demon to get revenge on his parents killers". Like what happens if his killer someone he swore his service to (To the manga's merit, it kinda looks like it's shaping up in a similar way from what ive heard lol)? What if Ciel was faced with the chance to let his hatred go and be allowed to live his life, and what circumstances would provoke Sebastian to break the contract off? What if there was someone there for Ciel acting as a foil/the parental figure Sebastian isn't? What other stories could be told working off the same premise, and that's not even getting into the insane soul blending contract stuff season two pulled off.

I didn't realise it then, but I'm retrospect Black Butler is an extremely campy series to the point that any missed opportunity to really play and have fun with it's premise and "rules" in so many ways just ends up reading as extremely impassionate and boring to me — it's a missed opportunity exactly. It started to break out of its formula a of "Boy and demon solve cases together and boy howdy, does it end up differently then they expect!!!!! Rinse and repeat" a little when i had officially left it behind for good, but the fact I don't really care for the more science-fictiony direction they took with the German military and bizzare dolls and mustard gas and all that aside, any BIG break away from it's formula came way too late for me to really gaf 😭 plus i didn't care for twin ciel even when it was still a theory, seasons one and two spoiled me by playing with its basic premise enough to where i was like "you can do so much with what you already HAVE why are you adding MORE" plus the multiple year long flashbacks DEFINITELY didn't help lmao

Plot consistency is definitely one thing when it comes to the original anime (seriously, what the FUCK was the deal with Drocell and that monkey from EP21??? what the hell even ended up happening to the original alois trancy, there's SO much and it all keeps me up at night even to this day) , but tbh the fact it was willing to explore so many different sides and aspects of characters by challenging them with situations you couldn't see in the manga and just allow itself to have fun was what made me fall in love with black butler to begin with!!! I'll never forget my disappointment and pettiness of being taken on the ride that was the original anime, hearing the resounding tidal wave of "read the manga, it's better" and thinking 'wow, that will be hard to top!!! This must be pretty good then :)' only to read it and be like "these people are boring as hell why are they just doing the same things over and over" 😭 like i don't CARE about ciels real name or he has a twin or that the undertakers this evil mastermind or any of that shit i just want all the numerous plot holes from the original series to be resolved wtf.....

I ALSO wanna bring attention to the way the art direction just got massacred after season two but idk I've rambled long enough and plan to rewatch seasons 1+2 sometimes so i just might make a separate post and bitch about it there (with photos!!!!) but if i do that ill be sure to link it to this post!!! ;0 this ended up way longer than i expected lmao thank you for allowing me to tap about my old hyperfixation and get this off my chest!!! I've bitched about Season 1+2 superiority SO much in the past but never really had any solid words to put it in beyond "the vibes went harder" lmao, so being able to really dig into the nuances of it now that I know a bit more about what I'm talking about feels better than I actually ever imagined it would 😭💕 i feel like im putting the spirit of bitter 15 year old me who so excitedly looked forward to seeing black butler three when it was announced only to be met with crushing shock and disappointment upon starting the first episode to rest now that i get to yap about it with someone who even remotely understands, even if it is just on this singular point 😅 thanks so much!!!

[thoughtsfromlayla]

Lady Luck is Smiling - Chapter Seven

.☘︎ ݁˖ Fortes Fortuna Adiuvat - Fortuna Favors the Brave

Summary: When the Fates leave Morpheus' call unanswered, he gains insight into another goddess that may be able to help regain his lost tools. Lady Luck, as you go by now as opposed to Fortuna nor Tyche, is the second youngest of the Four Ladies. Morpheus is determined to learn how and what makes you smile, for your smile will allow luck to be on his side, and with any of it, will he find his tools.

Warnings/Tags: Flashback chapter, death of a (side) character, use of Y/N

Word count: 3.7k

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•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

Previously, on LLIS:

You manage to choke out a scream when Lucifer pushes their nail into the soft side of your skull. When Morpheus shifted in your mind looking for information about Johanna, it felt like a finger carding through a long cabinet full of manilla folders. Lucifer, however, felt like opening your personal diary and ripping out the pages that didn’t entertain them hard enough. 

“Stop,” you say weakly, the breath of your protest turning into a wispy cloud of vapor in the cold castle. 

“Ah…” Lucifer smiles wickedly, ignoring your objection. “Here we go.”

Black fills your vision, your lips gaping open as you gasp for breath. Then, you smell it. 

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

475 A.D. - One year before the fall of the Roman Empire

Sea salt. 

You blink away tears, sniffling as you dig your fingers into the soft white sand beach of the Mediterranean Sea. Your head rests on your knees and you swallow back another tear that tries to escape. 

“There you are, Y/N,” your lady calls to you. Gods… how you have missed the sound of your own name. 

Her steps are quiet against the sand before she sits at your side. She preens at your hair as a show of comfort—plucking away the dying hydrangea petals from your scalp. 

“Why are you hiding now, little nymph?” Fortuna asks softly, watching your hair grow from sad blue to an angry red. 

“They pick on me again, my lady,” you grumble, digging your toes into the sand this time. 

“You know how jealous they can get. They only do it because they know you’re my favorite,” Fortuna replies, keeping her tone soft. “I, for one, think your magic is coming along swimmingly.”

Your sisters, mischievous little shits, have decided to completely ruin your flower bed after you went out to practice your divinations with her ladyship. You left it perfect when you woke up from it that morning—a distinct blend of lamb’s ears and camellias—only to return to it being ripped apart and replaced with dry, prickly twigs and dried cow dung. 

Last week, they teased and poked about your hair until the hydrangea petals turned into an ugly color of green from embarrassment. Fortuna found you by the alcove again trying to rip the flowers out from your scalp before managing to calm you down. 

It’s been going on like that for months ever since the goddess had decreed you her apprentice. Whatever the hell that really meant. All you’ve been doing is following her around the mediterranean running errands and watching her answer prayers for luck. But, rarely has there been any significant training to be done. Not really that you complained, it was fun following Fortuna around anyway. 

“You're my favorite, too,” you manage, sighing.

Your head falls onto Fortuna’s shoulder and your lady lets out a soft chuckle. Her hand moves from your hair and falls to your slumped shoulder, running it up and down to soothe you some more. The two of you stay like that for a while, silent in each other's company. Until Fortuna asks you a question.

“Can you feel the changes, little Y/N?”

You turn your nose to the wind, taking a few tentative sniffs. All you smell is the sea salt and your own hydrangeas. If only your nose wasn’t so clogged from crying, damn it. 

“Feel, little flower nymph. Not smell.” Fortuna laughs at your naivety. 

 “Then I feel nothing other than the breeze in my branches, my lady,” you respond. 

Fortuna nods, almost expecting that answer. “That is all right, Y/N. You need only know that there will soon be a time where I won’t be here for you anymore.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Do you believe Gods to be immortal?”

“Yes.”

“A common misconception. We exist only for the mortals who believe us. When modern man comes with modern ideals, the old—even their deities—will die with them.” 

“I don’t get it, my lady,” 

“You will. Sooner than you’d think.”

“I won’t let you die,” you promise fiercely, fingers fisted tightly. 

“Noble little flower nymph,” Fortuna chides, petting the bridge of your nose. “Thank you.”

A moment of silence passes between you. This time, however, it didn’t feel as lonely. 

“Shall we continue your lessons?” Fortuna asks soon after to which you nod. 

493 A.D.

You twirl a stem of hydrangeas around your finger as you follow Fortuna to the clearing. It was the week of Artemis’ hunt, where the goddess creates a mighty beast that the Gods and Goddesses try to subdue. There isn’t much of a prize other than bragging rights and most of the deities that attended only come for the food and drinks. 

There’s a faint outline of a spell around the forest clearing, a high-quality golden aura that shielded the space from mortal eyes and other dangers. Stepping across the written line of runes, the sound of laughter and general commotion greets you. 

Dionysus is the loudest amongst the bunch, slamming down another keg of wine. You can’t help the smile that splits on your face. A whole week without your sisters and only Fortuna’s attentions? Yes, please. Excitement jitters through your entire body, you can feel it shivering through your toes and the way you clench your teeth. 

“Fortuna,” Isis calls out, the Egyptian goddess of fertility slinking up and linking arms with your lady. “And you brought a pet today.”

“My Lady,” you respond respectfully, bowing your head. 

Isis’ cool finger lifts your chin, a smile gracing her lips. “Can I steal her?” 

“No.” Fortuna laughs like a chime. “I fear you cannot. This one is mine to protect.”

A warm feeling spreads through your chest and you puff it out with pride. Your hydrangea-petaled hair glows a soft pink as Fortuna wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you away from Isis and towards the long, prepared wooden table. 

A delectable spread is placed upon a linen cloth and you snatch a vine of grapes as Fortuna greets her other friends. You sigh happily as you feel the wind against your skin, it’s been too long since you’ve had a celebration like this.

Last year and a few months ago, Fortuna insisted that they didn’t celebrate the summer solstice. You were more angry at the lack of celebration and community than Fortuna ever was. For as long as you’ve been Fortuna’s apprentice and possibly years before, Fortuna is celebrated by young women nationwide on every 24th of June. 

You’re not entirely sure why, but it surely was a disappointment when you awoke on June 24th for it to be just like the day before. Fortuna acted odd throughout that day, even if she tried to hide it. She was lethargic—tired and sluggish, even when you tried to cheer her up. 

A shadow of a figure pulls you out of your reminiscent stupor. He stood at the edge of the clearing, keeping to himself in his black toga. You knew of him, even at a young age. Dream of the Endless was hard to miss, especially when his hair constantly looked like it was freshly ruffled by deep sleep. Though, at this time and age, he went by Onerios. 

Calliope stands by his side, regal as ever, the white of her toga pairs with her olive skin perfectly. You sent a gleeful wave at the muse, remembering the occasions she came to visit Fortuna near the sea. She had always been kind to you, seeking your company at the white sanded beach side when Fortuna was too busy for either of you. The muse smiles back at you, raising a brass goblet in your direction. 

Fortuna stops you before you could go over to her with a gentle hand. “Shall you get ready for tonight?” She redirects instead. 

“Yes, my lady.”

By the time the sun had set, and the center stage was lit with fireflies and melting honey candles, you have changed into dancing clothes. It copies the other nymphs nearby, with flowing and thin fabrics colored from different petals, moss, or vines. 

“You are beautiful, little flower nymph,” Fortuna praises, fixing a lopsided golden hair piece by your ear. 

“Thank you, my lady,” you beam, pride swelling in your chest. 

Fortuna nods before taking her seat by Isis, who nursed yet another glass of wine. You sweep your eyes across the audience of gods and goddesses that sat in their ornate chairs in a circle around the stage. The chairs themselves are like a work of stained glass art, made of different materials that reflect the gods themselves—sunstone, marble, obsidian, or coral all alike. The tables in front of them separate them from the dancers and is filled, yet again, with a spread of fruits, jams, and meats. 

Calliope sends a smile in your direction when your eyes meet again and you return it. You’ll dance for her tonight—to show how far you’ve gotten since the last she’s seen you practice. 

The moon rises higher in the sky by the time Apollo pulls out his lyre. Music swells and you move under the stage with the other nymphs. In a stir of flower petals, you rise above the stage with the other nymphs, delicate footed and graceful. The air suddenly took on a sweet smell. Honeysuckles, lavenders, roses, hydrangeas, and gardenias accompany the taste of drunken nectar in their brass goblets. 

Limbs move like willow branches in a soft breeze, following the fall and rise of Apollo’s music. Flowers bloom and wilt along with your movements. The dance is not one made by man, but rather a guide from Gaia herself. Where inspiration is pulled by the way seaweed would sway with the tide or how spring rain dewed on wild prairie tallgrass. 

Morpheus leans back in his obsidian chair, his eyes narrow as his attention focuses on you without your knowledge. He has seen the wonders of the universe with his starry eyes, he’s even created some of them, but something about your smile or the way your steps were softer than a lover’s sigh caught his attention. 

Calliope claps on beat by his side, enjoying the dance, but he is beyond enjoying. He is inspired. 

»» ──── .☘︎ ݁˖x ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

It’s the fourth day of the hunt and you’re beyond tired of company. It’s not to say you don’t like company, but it’s becoming overwhelming. There is only so much a nymph could drink wine before her branches cry out for some fresh water. Your petals have withered into sad, off-white balls on your head, which only causes your headache to grow. 

Fortuna is in a hunting group with a few other deities, leaving you alone in the relatively empty clearing. You manage to find a small pond nearby, and after making sure no one else was around, you strip yourself bare and jump in. 

The light dances across your eyes as you slowly sink into the clear pond. The sun permeates into the water in strips, ghosting across your skin in phantom warmth as the water distorts the light. Your flowers soak in the crisp, clean lakewater with relief and your headache slowly recedes. Bubbles escape your mouth as you let go of your breath before breaking the water’s surface. 

“Enjoying the time alone?” A voice asks as soon as you come up. 

Opening your eyes, you smile before you speak. “Calliope,” you say happily, treading closer to the lake’s edge. “You didn’t join the hunt today?” 

“No,” she responds. She removes her sandals and lifts her toga, dipping her feet into the lake by your side. “I believe I have lost all energies for partying.”

“I am the same. No one is surprised that the fermented wine from Dionysis’ own vineyard would not agree with a flower nymph such as I.” You let out a laugh, your hair fuller now that it’s rehydrated. “What of you?”

“Must be the child.”

“Child? What child?”

Calliope smiles at you and your eyes widen as it lands on her still flat stomach. “Oh, my Gods! You are with child!”

Her smile only widens which confirmed your exclaimed suspicion and you almost launch yourself at her, wet and all. But, you hold yourself back, instead letting out a soft squeal. “Does Onerios know?”

“Not yet,” Calliope admits. “I haven’t found the right time to tell him. He’s awfully busy as he often is. Even now Onerios is in the Dream Realm. ”

“I understand.” You lay your head on a propped hand. “Thank you for telling me. I bet you’ll be a great mother.”

Before Calliope could answer, a loud roar echoed through the clearing. The sound is startling enough for the birds to scatter and for you and Calliope to tense from the otherwise happy conversation. You pull yourself out of the lake, quickly tying the fabric of your dress around your body. 

The creature roars again, this time much closer. 

“We should definitely go,” you murmur urgently, grabbing Calliope’s hand as you start to make your way back towards the clearing and the protective wards surrounding it. 

The sound of trees tearing from their roots has your eyes casting East. The Beast resembles a disfigured boar as it emerges from the thicket of the forest like the physical embodiment of a nightmare. If it weren’t for the unbelievable danger you were in, you would admire the beauty of it. 

Its muscles are large and taut under a thick hide of wiry black fur. You watch with horror as its muscle ripple and its thunderous hooves begin to set its steadfast path towards you and Calliope. 

“Run,” you say weakly, your breath shaking as Artemis’ beasts lock eyes with you and Calliope. “Run!”

Hand in hand, you and Calliope fall into a sprint, your legs pumping faster and faster as you make your way towards the forest cleaning. 

The smell of damp, upturned Earth from its destructive path reaches your nose, the sound of its aggressive snorting and roars getting closer and closer no matter how fast you pick up your feet. 

Your feet make it across the barrier just in time for the Beast to ram its large head against the golden ward and you let out a terrified shriek. It bangs its head against the barrier again, the two types of godly magic clashing with each other. You stare in horror as the barrier begins to break. 

Lightning strike fissures appear and grow from the point of impact, cracking with deafening booms down the ward. Your blood is pumping through your ears, muffling the sound of Calliope calling your name as she pulls you further away from the Beast. 

They say there is always a defining moment in one’s life and the pinnacle splits in half what was known as “before” and what will be known as “after.” When the plan barely zaps into your head, you don’t know it was going to be the part of “before.”

You are Fortuna’s apprentice and therefore you also share her values. Fortuna, goddess of fortune and misfortune, was also a fertility goddess and protector of pregnant women. Calliope’s screams of your name fall on deaf ears as your blood pumps through your body again, pushing your bare feet against the fertile ground. 

So focused on the wailing Calliope, the boar-like beast doesn’t notice you until you’re past the barrier, the scent of your divinity wavering through the air. You stare it dead in its soul-crushing eyes and bring your fingers to your mouth, blowing hard. 

The whistle pierces through the dense forest, a clear signal and taunt. You have to bring Artemis’ beast away from the clearing and more importantly, away from Calliope. That is the first part of the plan, but anything past that, you don’t really get a chance to think through. 

You dodge a trunk that comes soaring towards you, the upheaved dirt covering your otherwise clean toga. The Beast was gaining on you as you continued to run amongst the open field. Part of the plan? Kill the Beast perhaps. 

You don’t have time to focus on the whispers of doubt that would take any opportunity to cloud your mind. Fortuna always said one needed a clear conscience before casting spells and that’s exactly what you need to do. 

You stop, watching the Beast make its way towards you still. “Clipeum,” you say with clarity, making the motions of a circle with your fingertips from the top of your head down to your naval. 

A giant circle of magic forms in front of you, creating a shield that formed just in time for the boar to ram its head at. You brace against it with your palm pressed against the surface, digging your feet into the ground to steady the spell. 

How the hell are you meant to kill a beast even a group of worshipped Gods and Goddesses cannot?

The doubt seeps into your mind and the shield cracks, sending the Beast ramming you backwards. You land against the soil, rolling before coming to a stop. You take in a wheezing breath, holding your ribs—you definitely hit a rock on that fall. Taking a deep break and shaking your head from any lingering doubts, you start your next spell. 

“Te caeco,” you say weakly. You let out a sharp cry as you lift your arm, your chest screaming out in protest as the pain stops you from casting the spell perfectly. 

The spell fizzles from your fingers. You could physically feel the magic within you wanting to perform it, but it lacked due to the wrong motions of your fingers. You take in a deep breath, holding it as you push through the pain of the motion and you repeat the divination. 

Your muscles tense as you raise your arm, your breath coming in sharp bursts. A spark emits from the tips of your fingers just as your vision starts to blur. Relief of the magic performing merges with the despair of your pain. 

The blinding light shoots for the boar’s eyes, but it doesn’t last long. In fact, it only made it more angry. Its eyes turn white with your blinding spell but it only causes the Beast to start charging at you aimlessly. 

Do you go for offensive maneuvers or defensive tactics? The spells in your head that Fortuna has taught you flip through like an open spellbook. There was one spell that your mind keeps returning to as the milliseconds ticks by. But, it’s dangerous and Fortuna has forbidden you to ever use it. 

In the face of impending death, is there really much of a choice?

You scream through the pain as you clap your hands above your head. “Vera visio: Mille Limbed Arbor.” 

What hurts more? A broken rib or growing three extra pairs of arms? 

As your branches of your small nymph body begin to groan in protest, the sizes of them shrinking and splitting, you’ll conclude the latter. But as you remember that you were doing this to save not only your friend, but also her unborn child, the pain numbs. 

Two arms is easy enough to control but you can’t really say the same about eight. You use the last of your consciousness to focus, bringing your arms down in intervals so it surrounds you. The moon rises, its soft light a comforting aura on your bark-like skin. 

“O Fortuna,” you begin with a prayer to your goddess. “fune fatali monstrum alliga, et in umbris perpetuis dele!” 

Runes etch themselves into your skin, your body burning with overflowing magic. Your will is strong, your conscience clear. But your experience is lacking. A spell this powerful requires multiple casters, but you’ve managed to do it yourself—only with the sacrifice of growing a few more arms. 

The heat expands inside of you, like a pot of water turning from a shimmer to a boil and then…

Nothing. 

The spell fizzles like a cruel twist of fate.

Frozen with pain, you merely watch as it comes lunging at you. This is it—your century of life ended by the hands of Artemis’ beast. 

“Y/N!” Your name is called in the distance, sharp spoken in a scream. An ensemble of the hunting group of gods and goddesses follow her as they find the tracks leading to the beast. The Hunt was coming to an end, finally. 

Fortuna’s flow of golden curls envelopes you as she wraps her arms around your broken body. You take in a sharp inhale of breath, the hug warm and welcome but pushing against the pain of your ribs. 

“My lady,” you breathe out in relief. Everything should be fine now, Fortuna was here. She always came when you needed her most. 

The warmth was fleeting, however, before Fortuna pushed you out of her arms. Your eyes widen with disbelief as your body falls backwards and confusion and betrayal wraps around your heart and squeezes. 

“I’m sorry.” The apology comes out of your mouth before you even know why.

Meeting Fortuna’s eyes felt the same as it always had—safe and homelike, just like the smell of sea salt in the air by the alcove of the Mediterranean Sea. Her lips press into a thin line, like she was accepting her fate.

Fortuna’s warmth touches you again, but this time it came in the color of liquid gold. Her divine blood spurts across your body and you watch with horror, the motion slow as it happens in front of you, as the tusk of the boar-like beast skewers her chest. 

Magic disperses, surrounding you like a heavy blanket. Fortuna lets out a small guttural noise as the beast pulls back and removes its tusk. The hunting group managed to kill it within that time, but that was irrelevant to you now. 

Fortuna lays in a lump on the ground and you find the strength to bring your aching and shaking legs towards her bleeding body. She wasn’t moving and the worst was starting to play through your head. 

Voices swirl in your mind, taking the form of dark creatures that whisper doubtful thoughts. “Your fault, your fault.”

You pull Fortuna’s head into your lap, tears blurring your eyes. You try to blink them away, you need to see if Fortuna was okay. “My Lady?”

Fortuna takes in a deep breath that has her body tensing, her eyes were glossy as they stare without focus at the blue sky above you. Panic seizes you, the feeling constricting around your chest and makes your feet and fingers tingle. Her wound is still gaping but divinity doesn’t bleed like mortals do. Yet, Fortuna is not immortal either. 

“I just wanted to help,” you say weakly, as if your excuse would reverse the damage. “Please, don’t punish me. I just wanted to help.”

“Do you recall your promise?” Fortuna says instead, words frail and gasping. 

“Promise?” 

“Your promise, do you promise?”

You can feel Fortuna grow weaker in your arms, your panic reaching its peak and feels like bile crawling up your throat. Never let Fortuna die, as you’ve stated a few years ago. Yet, here she laid before you, breaths shallow and crackling.

Her eyes begin to close, the liquid gold of her blood has stained your dress beyond repair. But how can you think of that when your ladyship is the one beyond repair before your very eyes? 

Morpheus had returned to the mortal realm, leaving behind his duties in the subconscious. It was not the cries of Calliope that had brought him forward, though it did play a suspicious part as to why he was called to return. 

His eyes take in the scene before him and he knew then that the changing of times have finally come for the goddess of fortune. There was a natural hierarchy amongst deities. There were those above The Endless, him and his siblings themselves, then gods and goddesses, then minor gods like nymphs and dyads and so on. 

Gods and Goddesses were nothing more than the physical manifestation of the dreams of Men. So, when Fortuna begins to sag against your lap, he knows that Men have decided to change their perceptions of who and what “fortune” represents. 

Gone was the Roman Empire and came alight the new era. Fortuna turns into a whirlwind of four-leaf clovers, her physical body will never exist past this day. Your hydrangea-petaled hair turns a mourning shade of blue, trying to grab at the small leaves as they slip between your fingers. 

The wind picks up, the magics of the universe mocking you in the whispers of the breeze as the clovers collect around you, circling you, taunting you.

“Fortuna’s apprentice.” You hear them whisper, the clovers swirling around you faster. “Does she know yet? Oh, Fortuna was too soft on her. Of course she doesn’t know.”

“Know what?” You ask the wind.

The clovers congregate together before you and before you know it, you see a body, an arm, and a couple of legs. They form a face, though not one of the person you have spent that past 100 years with. 

“Give her back to me!” 

“Give her back? Ha! What insolent demands from something no more than a mere child!”

“You mock me.”

“Perhaps. Nonetheless, what a pleasure it is to meet the new Goddess of Fortune.”

“What?”

Wind whistles through the cracks in the clover leaves, creating a high pitched whistle like a scream. They fly towards you again, plastering themselves to your skin, burning and burrowing beneath the bark. They fill every surface, they stick to your irises, they force themselves down your throat, they tickle themselves into your ears. The sound of the wind drowns out the sound of your screams. 

Images flash in your head almost all at once. The vision of the sun rising, the scream of a newly born child, the rise and fall of civilizations. The faceless mortals bowing before you in prayer. They call you Aje before they call you Lakshmi and they call you Nang Kwak. They’ve called you Caishen and they have called you Tyche and they have called you Fortuna. 

“Does it make sense now, new sister?” The voice comes again, closer to you. In your head.

As the clovers fall away, they peel away everything that you thought you were. Your hydrangea petals, your bark skin, your pointed ears. Your body falls to the floor, soaking in the golden blood of a once-goddess. Like a phoenix born from the ashes of who it once was, a new goddess is born from the blood of the last.

Lady Luck, we welcome you. 

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

Dun, dun, duuuun. Also I forgot I had a taglist going I am so sorry

LLIS Tag List

@witchymomfrien @uniquehijo @navs-bhat @ireneserene @givingmyhearttoyou @v3lary0ns

Thanks for reading this weeks chapter :)

♡ Yours, Layla

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

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[iidesxreii]

Anatomy - S. Reid

∘₊☽ Song: https://music.apple.com/us/album/anatomy-single/1695033802 ☽₊∘

╔ Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

☆ Word Count: 5.3k

☆ Category: Angst/Fluff (Opposites attract, what can I say?)

☆ Summary: You never talk about your father with anyone. And when you finally do allow yourself to think of all the reasons you come to a certain realization. One that took you years to admit. //My take on the song Anatomy by Kenzie.//

☆ Content: HURT/COMFORT, angst, flashbacks, dad problems GALORE

╚ A/N: Omg this is my first fic and it's been sitting in my drafts for like months. I was skeptical about posting this but I guess no better time than now you know? I have a couple more in the drafts and if this does any type of good, I'll release more! Bold are lyrics, italics are memories <3

Also!! This is LONG. I didn't realize how long until I scrolled through and my GOSH. Please grab snacks and tissues because this shit gets deep. PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU HATE IT I WONT BE MAD I SWEAR.

If you squint I slipped in some very slight father figure Hotch bc that’s my crack

═══════ ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ｡･ ═══════

You called me today, on a random Tuesday

Don't ask me why I still have your number saved

You roll your eyes and double click your lock button to send the phone call to voicemail. You try to continue talking with the team, but within seconds your phone is ringing again. You sigh and pull your phone out fully but before you could send them to voicemail again, Hotch’s voice broke through to you. 

“Agent (Y/L/N). I don’t know who’s calling you, but please go answer. This is the 3rd time.” Hotch’s usual monotonous voice cuts through the conversation everyone else was having, the minute he does it goes quiet in the conference room. You breathe in deeply before licking your lips looking for a reply.

“Actually it’s the 18th time since you clocked in this morning. 3rd since we’ve landed.” Your all knowing, fast talking and ever so loving boyfriend chirps from the corkboard. Your eyes dart to him and you see that he hasn’t even turned an inch to look at you. Still focusing on the ins and outs of the case your team was supposed to be working on. You sigh before clearing your throat.

“Since you know SO much Reid, who is it?” You ask as you stand from your seat at the table. Morgan has a smile on his face as he watches you two fight like a married couple. Your hands land on your hips and Reid finally turns around. He has a file in his hands and the entire time he speaks he’s reading into it.

“Your father. I saw his name come up 4 times before we went to the round table room for debriefing.” He places the white board marker down before flipping a page in the file and continuing to read. You squint at him and make a face. Your boyfriend had terrible social cues, especially while on the job. He wasn’t the easiest to speak to sometimes, which is why you never let it bother you. Until now. Talking about your father brought the worst out in you. “If you’re going to ignore someone’s calls you could try blocking them or turning-” 

“Reid.” Hotch’s stern voice comes barreling through his train of thought and he finally looks up. When he sees your face his softens immediately. He didn’t know why you never spoke about your dad or why you never answered his calls. He also didn’t know why you never went home during your vacations or never spoke about your home life. But seeing you look so defeated after his last few words to you, he’s wanted to know more than ever. You roll your eyes and pull your phone out. You click your fathers name and the phone immediately redials and sends out the call. You show your colleagues and some of them jokingly laugh as you head out of the door. The phone rings 4 times before it picks up. And then you hear your father.

Hello, stranger, it's been forever

You're acting normal, but nothing's normal about

“Hey stranger! Seems like I can never get you on the phone nowadays!” Your dad’s voice cuts through the quiet silence after a beat of sitting on the phone. You clear your throat as you entire an office that was empty. It wasn't too far from your team so you could still keep an eye on them and gauge what they were talking about.

“Hi dad.” you mumbled into the phone. Your tone of voice did nothing to throw your father off his reason for calling you. You can hear the smile on his face when he continues talking.

“Are you busy? Do you have some time for catching up?” He asks so innocently but you fear that. Your dad never calls for just anything, there’s always something behind the call. Something you chose to stay away from.

“Ah…no.” You think about it for a second before answering. You should have said you were busy, or you shouldn't have called back and instead blocked his number but the thing about your father was you loved him. You always had, always will. He was your weak spot. No matter how many times he had proven he didn’t deserve second, third or fourth chances you gave him them all.

“My little FBI agent is finally quiet. You know you were never really a quiet kid-” he continued talking and you continued listening. Another notion towards you giving your father time that he doesnt deserve. You watch as your team continues shuffling around in the room, talking and marking up a board you can only see half of. 5 minutes later you see the door to their room open and you turn away. Within seconds you find your door opening and Morgan peeking his head in.

“Profile is ready. Good to go?” he asks. You turn to him and give him a thumbs up before returning to your call. The door closes and you take a peek at it before clearing your throat.

“Hey dad, I’ve got to go but…I’ve got some vacation time saved up. How about I come visit and we can go out for dinner.” you turn to look and find your team making their way out of the room and towards the open vast police station. A sure sign that they were about to give the profile without you.

“That’s a wonderful idea, munchkin. Let me know when. Stay safe.” you nod into the phone and immediately hang up. There was nothing more to say after that. You slide your phone on mute before sticking it in your pocket and opening the office door. Before you can head towards the team you feel a hand on your arm. You turn to find Spencer standing, waiting on you.

“Angel-” He doesn’t get any further before you smile and pull your arm gently from him. You didn’t want to talk, no matter how sad you looked or felt. Talking about your dad was never a good thing.

“Not right now, Spence. Profile time.” you deflect like you always have. Never talking about your father was normal to you. Nothing good had or could ever come from talking about your father.

Trust issues and soaking tissues

Your relationship with your father had turned sour about a year after him and your mom divorced. He stopped visiting, stopped calling, stopped sending money for you and your sister. Like he had just given up. And then one day he started calling back and his reasoning was because work had exhausted him and strained him beyond what he was used to but he was back and wasgoing to be there for you guys. If only 7 year old you had known the lie.

“I’m going to come and pick you guys up and we’ll hangout for the weekend. I told your mom I’d be there at 5. I love you guys, Munchkin.” his voice came through the phone one wednesday. Your sister, Ameilia, squealed and jumped on her bed before flopping down and grabbing her pillow to scream into.

“We love you too dad! We can’t wait!” You quickly hung up the phone and turned to your older sister who stopped in her tracks and immediately started digging through your shared closet for clothes to wear. You followed suit with the brightest smile on your face. Unknowingly to you and Ameilia, your mother was standing at your door with a worried look on her face.

Lyin' to my sister and sayin' I don't miss you

The false hope calls kept coming well into your teen years. The constant ‘I’ll pick you up’ and ‘I’m sorry I just got caught up in work’ conversations weren’t making it better. Each time he fell through he had a better lie than last time. Ones that made sense in your little brain. You didn’t finally grasp that he wasn’t ever coming until your 16th birthday. Your mom had saved up as much money as she could to pay for an extravagant party for you and you invited your dad. Of course he agreed and said he’d be in attendance that night which got you excited. But as the night droned on, and the end of your party came to a close you found that everything he had ever said in the last 9 years had been a lie. You knew you’d get a call sometime next weekend about how busy he had gotten, but you figured you’d let it ring. Maybe Amelia would answer.

“You okay?” Ameilia asks you a few days later. You’re working on something to keep yourself busy when you look up to her. She’s sitting on her bed playing with a small toy your dad had given her years ago. 

“I’m fine…” came your quiet voice. She looked up at you and scoffed before throwing the toy into the box labeled goodwill. She was cleaning her side of your guys room before college, and it seemed she was trying to get away from your dad. Something you knew you’d need to do yourself, but haven’t done just yet.

“Do you miss him?” came her soft voice. You turned to her once more before swallowing. You shuffled a bit on your bed before coming to the edge and sitting down. You opened your mouth to say something but nothing came out. Do you lie? Tell the truth? “It’s okay if you do. I did too for a while.” you look up at this. Another toy gets tossed into the box and she looks back at you. 

“Do you still?” comes your quiet question. Your 16th birthday was the one time you expected your father to come through. But you couldn’t help but feel sad that he didn’t. You could deal with any other lie, but a lie about missing this big of a milestone in your life? inexcusible.

“Do me a favor.” You look up to find her standing from her bed. She has her hands on her hips, which is how you know she means what she’s about to say. “When I leave for school, if he keeps calling…don’t pick up. If the ringing bothers you pick it up and slam it back down. But don’t speak to him ever again. He’s not worth your tears (Y/N/N).”

With no closure, just getting older

Now almost 8 years after that conversation you still find it in you to have his number saved. You try not to answer the phone but his persistence quietly eats at the back of your brain making you answer the phone, though you’d never admit that to your sister. You’d never hear the end of it from her. She’d eat at you about the closure you both never got. Which would make you not want to disappoint her but you can’t make them both happy. So for now, you pretend you haven’t answered his calls in years. But you know and it eats at you. The pain you experienced from not really having your dad in your life made growing up harder than it should. Nobody to chase the boys away, nobody to cry to when you felt your mom was being unfair, nobody to bring you to the ‘daddy daughter’ dances. A figment of your imagination, a silhouette of a man you once knew. Nobody to introduce Spence to, have dinners with, walk you down the aisle when that time comes. Just emptiness. 

And the older you got the easier it got to ignore the calls. When you managed to get a job at the BAU every excuse after was about how busy you were. New case, no time on your hands, working overtime, no vacation time, ect. Nothing you ever came up with for an excuse was ever about something normal. It was always about your job. Which put you in a temporary peace of mind. Your phone stopped ringing all the time and only rang sometimes. Your call log stopped being filled with ‘dad’ and in turn at the top of your messages was always a new excuse on why you didn’t answer. And for a while the lies became easier, something you no longer thought about but instead typed out and sent before going back to sitting on your couch. Which had turned you into him, and made you feel guilty so you went back to answering.

But you still see me as a kid on your shoulders

“Can’t wait to see you again! We can go to the park and eat ice cream after!” is the first text you see when you come out of the house you and your team had just barged into. You don’t respond to the text, you instead clear your throat and lock your phone before looking around and checking which car you’d be riding back to the station in.

It's just anatomy, you're only half of me

“Why do you even care about dad? It’s not like he cared about us.” Your sister had asked during one thanksgiving where she was home from school. You shrugged before continuing to wipe off your makeup. Yet another festivity you had invited him to that he had missed.

“He did. At some point…” you whispered into the air. You watched Ameilia roll her eyes and scratch her nose before she threw her hands up and turned away from you. 

“Right. Blood doesn’t make you family you know. He’s only half of our DNA anyway.” She grabs her phone off her bed and heads out of your old shared room and towards the bathroom with a tune humming behind her. You wished you could feel like her. Thriving even without dad. Living.

Still, you don't know me at all

“Maybe we just do the ice cream. The park isn’t for me anymore.” is the only thing you text back. Before you can lock your phone a message comes in and you read it.

“Sorry Munchie. I forget you’re not so small anymore.” Munchie. He hadn’t called you that since before the divorce. It plays in your head over and over again before you will yourself to type something back.

“I am unfortunately 23 now, dad.” You lock your phone immediately before you can accidentally read another text. You go to slip your phone into your pocket and feel it vibrate almost immediately. You shrug it off and pay attention to what Hotch is telling you from the driver’s seat. Right now this is more important. Catching your killer is more important. But Munchie plays in your head anyway.

You've been my missing piece, so why aren't you missing me?

Guess I meant less than I thought

“You still don’t miss him?” you question your sister as she’s getting ready for bed. She turns to you and her smile drops immediately. 2 years ago she had asked if you missed him, and now you're asking her if she misses him. You know the answer though.

“Does he miss us?” You can hear the aggravation in her voice as she answers you. She pulls her blankets back on her old bed and plugs her phone onto the charger.

“Of course he does.” comes your reply. She turns and places her hands on her hips, a notion that she was getting serious.

“Text him. Text him that you miss him and tell me what he says." She motions towards your phone before walking out of your room. An hour later she come back in from her shower and heads to her own bed. She sits down and reaches for the lamp that was on. “Anything?”

“No…” comes your solemn reply. You had been staring at the phone since you sent it. Eyes bloodshot and bleary.

“Open your fucking eyes, (Y/N).” and then the light is gone. And all you are left with is a broken heart, a fading phone screen, and tears streaming down your face.

It's just anatomy

Hate that you're half of me

“Dinner guys?” Hotch voices as you all leave the station with one more bad guy caught. You look over your team who is all fondly talking to one another.

“Absolutely. All on you Hotch?” Morgan jokes while clapping Hotch on the shoulder. Hotch spares him a side eye before letting out a small chuckle. 

“Absolutely not.” He pats Morgan’s chest before turning to you and Reid. The entire team turns and you find everyone staring at you. Spencer included. 

“(Y/N)?” JJ has her bottom lip between her teeth and she’s holding back a smile. You chalk up wallowing in self pity to a later time and smile.

“Family dinner it is.” Spencer smiles at you before throwing an arm over your shoulder and walking with you to the car.

Hate when people say that our noses are the same

So I went and got a change, like three-quarters of L.A

Three weeks later you’re walking in from lunch with Spencer when you see the rest of your team crowding around Penelope. She has an ipad in her hands and she’s pointing at something on it when you both approach. You find a picture of JJ’s family on it and they’re pointing out the similarities in JJ now. You shake your head and head to your desk when you hear your name.

“Wow (Y/L/N). You look just like your dad.” Emily’s voice cuts through the team’s jabbering and you freeze. You hated hearing that. You looked like him and now you don’t reach out like him. Every call is from him and not from you.

“What?” You ask, turning around slowly. Emily points at the Ipad in Penelope’s hand and Penelope turns it to you. You find a picture of you, Amelia, your mom and your dad all dressed in your sunday best for easter photos. You had to be no older than 6. Sometime right before the divorce.

“It’s like copy and paste.” JJ smiles at you and you try to fake one back. Except it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. Jj, Penelope and Emily all notice and like a switch the Ipad is turned around and they all shut up.

“Except her nose is a bit smaller now. It was larger when she was a kid.” Morgan continues. He has a smile on his face and he shows no limit of stopping. Emily turns to him and you see her make a gesture that he completely ignores. JJ taps at his biceps and he shakes it off. Reid goes to open his mouth and stop him but the damage is done. “You get a nose job (Y/L/N)?” everyone's eyes go wide and you blink a few times. Before he can rush out an apology you’re cleaning your desk and grabbing your things. You needed an out. You wanted no one to know about your father or your nose job, but now your whole team knew.

And I've dated shitty people 'cause of how you treated mom

Now I'm with somebody good, but I'm still feeling numb 'cause of

The next day you come in and the subject is on shitty exes. JJ, Emily and Penelope are discussing the ins and outs of how shitty their love life has been or is going. Except obviously JJ. She’s got Will and a newborn. Who wouldn’t love to be in JJ’s shoes. You reach your desk and keep quiet. You’d usually add in your two cents by now but with what had happened yesterday and your abrupt shift end you don’t add your input due to the shitty list of men you had from the ripe age of 14 to 20. Instead you listen to theirs. And it wasn’t like you were expecting an apology. You weren’t. You were just taking your time in getting over the fact that you’d never be able to skip the accusations of looking exactly like your father. A spitting image of him. Like a mirror.

“How is it to be with Reid? Is he how I think he is?” Emily speaks to you first. You turn to her with a relaxed smile and lean back in your chair. You cross your legs over the other and cock your head.

“How do you think he is?” you question her. She looks at JJ and Pen before clearing her throat and giving you an awkward smile.

“The same here, but more relaxed. And always talking your ear off.” JJ holds back a laugh by licking her bottom lip and Pen just smacks Emily’s arm softly.

“He’s actually quieter. And cuddlier than in public, but that’s because he doesn’t like PDA.” You shrug like this is  normal conversation. And of course it is because it’s you talking to your girl friends about your boyfriend, but it isn’t because these are your teammates and your boyfriend is one of them.

“Hey about yesterday-” Emily starts but you wave her off. You make a funny face before stretching.

“No apologies needed. It’s fine.” and then you turn back towards your desk and you continue working on the file at hand. You play it off well but you refuse to let them know that their words have been on constant repeat in your head since you heard them. 

Trust issues, I'm soaking tissues

Lyin' to my sister like I never miss you

Ameilia calls you and catches you off guard the weekend after it happens. She starts the call off by saying something about her wedding which gives you a moment to collect yourself from the multiple crying sessions you’ve had. But you slip and let out a sniffle and she hears it. She stops all conversation and listens for a minute. You try to play it off and speak to her but your voice gives it away.

“What’s wrong?” she asks into the phone. You sniffle again before clearing your throat. You give yourself some time before answering and sigh.

“Nothing Ames. Continue talking about your wedding.” You plaster a fake smile on your face even though she can’t see you. You wipe at your bloodshot eyes and throw yet another tissue into the pile on the table.

“Is it dad?” she asks. You open your mouth to disagree and stop yourself. Then you continue with your lie. You’re just as bad as him, half of him. A liar.

“What? No. I don’t talk to him-” you start to go on a tangent and you hear your sister’s voice break your train of thought. 

“I know you’re still talking to him. I spoke to mom.” Is the only thing she says to you. You sigh into the phone and shake our head. Leave it to your mother to break your 8 year lie apart

“I-” you start but you hear your sister on the other line. She sighs and sniffles before quickly covering it up with clearing her throat.

“I wish I loved him the same way you do. I really do.” And without missing another beat she goes back to talking about her wedding. Anything to not talk about dad.

Say you'll visit, empty promise

God, I wish that for once you'd be honest

A couple of weeks go past and you’re back in your hometown with Spencer. He hadn’t managed to get vacation time with you, but he had a couple of days saved up and decided to use 2 of them for dinner with your dad. Something you had asked him for and he immediately dropped everything to be in attendance. He knew the history with your father. And how much you tried to refuse talking to him. He thought that if you could face this, he’d be able to ask your father if he could marry you. Because that was all he was waiting for, a chance to ask properly.

So you found a hotel and a great place for dinner. Texted your dad and told him where and when to meet you. You got dressed in the hotel room, called a cab to ride in for the dinner and walked in with your head high when you said you had a reservation for 3. You sat at the table shuffling with anxiety and Spencer watched hoping that this wouldn’t be like all the other times. The times that had you sniffling and crying for days on end. The times you spent in your apartment and not his because you didn’t want him seeing you that way. But as time went on, one hour went to two and then three and your drinks went from just one to six. He saw the look on your face. One of defeat and embarrassment. And you chalked it up to another defeat when you called your waiter over and had them close out your six cup wine tab and Spencer’s one glass of water. You signed the $300 dollar tab and left two crisp hundred dollar bills for wasting your waiter’s time and stood. Spencer followed and you both made your way to the hotel.

It's just anatomy, you're only half of me

Still, you don't know me at all

“I’m sorry. I got caught up in some work and fell asleep at the office. Dinner on me next week instead? You’ll still be in town then right?” You read the text and throw your phone on the bed and turn to Spencer who is looking at you with his hands in his pocket. He doesn’t say anything, just pulls his hands from his pockets and opens his arms for you to fall into. And you do. You sigh and fall into his arms and waste no time crying your eyes out.

You've been my missing piece, so why aren't you missing me?

Guess I meant less than I thought

You now understood why Ameilia never sent your father a wedding invite. He wouldn’t pull through back then for either of you, what makes your silly little heart think he’d pull through last night? Or for her wedding? Another ping finds your ears as you watch Spencer gather his things for the airport.

“Munchie. I’m sorry.” “Munchie, I'll be at The Brindleton for lunch. My treat.” “Munchie. Please call me back. I love you”. You don’t notice Spencer looking at you or the tilt in his head as he analyzes your body language. He’s trying to gauge how you feel about your father because unbeknownst to you, you crying in his arms last night solidified that maybe you were ready for anything that comes after 3 years 9 months 19 days and 6 hours of dating. That black velvet box that has been sitting behind the books you find most boring on his bookshelf is now digging a hole into his heart. You look up and find him staring and you just smile at him. And he smiles back.

It's just anatomy

Hate that you're half of me

You flew in 3 hours ago and found yourself at Spencer’s place. Playing with his fingers as he lays on the couch underneath you. Your phone blares your ringtone and Spencer looks at you. You pick it up, watch it ring and when it’s done he notices the multitude of calls you’ve missed. 19. All of them from your father. And he watches as you open your phone, and block his number. Then you delete his contact and set your phone down again. He watches as you contently lie back down and sigh. A silent relief falling off your shoulders. His eyes fly to the bookshelf and then back to you. 

“Hey, why'd you come straight to mine?” Spencer crane's his neck to look at you and you shrug. You spare him no glance as you melt into him even more. He wouldn't have thought that was possible minutes ago.

“I was ready to come home.” your simple answer does it for him. He makes up his mind immediately. And you do too.

It's just anatomy, you make up half of me

On your 4 year anniversary Spencer pops the question. Over dinner at home. And of course you say yes, excited to show your mom and sister. No longer does your father cross your mind. Instead it’s filled with what your future could look like. Half Spencer, half you.

But still, you don't know me at all

You get the occasional call to your work phone but you’ve seen that number before and instead you ignore it. Spencer and the team watches as you do. No longer does it bother anyone because the only place he can reach you is work, and unfortunately a lot of calls go unanswered as a government worker. 

You've been my missing piece, so why aren't you missing me?

You watch your sister walk down the aisle in front of you with her fiance’s dad guiding her. Which makes you think about how you’d like to walk you down the aisle. You turn to Spencer who’s looking ahead at your sister and smile. Your missing piece was never your father. You just held a spot open for someone to love and missed the clear sign that there was always someone there.

Guess I meant less than I thought

A year and a half go by and you’re sitting at your sister’s house with Spencer. She hands you a small box and you find a small cupcake, its topper, a baby pacifier. You gasp as you stand and reach for your sister with wide eyes. She squeals as you squeeze her and turn to Spencer who has dug his finger in the icing of your cupcake. You roll your eyes and turn to Ameilia.

“You are going to be the BEST auntie ever. I love you.” it no longer hurts to hear I love you. Especially when you know the person saying it means it. It means even more when you know you mean it too.

“I love you more.”

It's just anatomy

“For all it’s worth…I knew you had a nose job. I just loved your face so much I never said anything.” Spencer whispers into your ear the night before the wedding. You roll over and face him with creased eyebrows. 

“Are you sure it isn’t because you profiled me and knew I wasn’t going to ever recover if you had told me you knew?” You ask it in a joking way but Spencer can see the truth behind it. 5 years, 7 months, 24 days, 23 hours and 56 minutes of loving you and he can tell everything about you. He never misses a chance to learn something new though. 

“It could be that…” he mumbles as he shoves his face between your breasts in a way of getting more comfortable. If neither of you get any sleep the wedding won’t be exactly as you planned it. And he would hate to make his bride’s perfect wedding go wrong. “Angel, it’s just anatomy. I wouldn’t have cared. I still don’t.” he whispers it and you almost don’t hear it. Almost. But you do and you shuffle closer before wrapping your arms around him.

“And that is why I said yes.” you kiss the top of his head before closing your eyes and attempting to fall asleep. A full day is ahead of you in no less than 10 hours.

Hate that you're half of me

“You ready?” you turn and find Hotch at your side. You wouldn’t have asked for a better father figure to walk you down the aisle. And he was honored you asked. He turns to you and adjusts your dress once more mumbling about modesty and returns to your right side. He holds his arm out for you and you lay your hand in the slit of his elbow.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” comes your response. And within seconds the door is opening, the music is playing, and Hotch is walking you down the aisle. Blood surely didn’t make this family, you did. The BAU was your family. Your dad was just…anatomy.

[nanamiskentos]

I LOVE YOU, I'M SORRY — gojo satoru

prologue. → gojo was always charming, maddening and impossibly brilliant. a gift and a curse to the world. the love of your life, the loss of your life, the one that got away. you can only sit alone with his cold, lifeless form and wonder where it all went wrong. how do you mourn a star that burned itself out for the sake of the sky?

pairing. gojo satoru x on/off ex!reader

warnings+. heavy angst, flashbacks of a whirlwind and not so healthy relationship, description of death and injuries and what comes after the heart stops beating, suggestive content but nothing explicit. u could interpret this as unreliable narrator who didn't quite see gojo properly, or that gojo just wasn't a good partner to keep things interesting?

word count. 1.9k song inspiration. i love you, i'm sorry — gracie abrams

a/n. this was actually meant to be sweet but suddenly reader became an ex. and well...it snowballed 😁 peep the ttpd reference in the prologue

mp3. a habit to kick, the age-old curse. i tend to laugh whenever i'm sad, i stare at the crash, it actually works. making amends, this shit never ends. i'm wrong again.

there was no funeral for gojo.

and right now, the room smells of heavy antiseptics and medicated disinfectant. sterile white walls seem to echo every tick, tick of the clock, every scrape of shoko's surgical tools against the metal tray. but there is little that cuts deeper than the silence.

gojo's body lies in four neat pieces on the long table, stitched in places that cannot possibly hold him together, laid out like a broken constellation. shoko has allowed you to stay here, perhaps some form of pity?

you just sit in the corner of the lab, knees pulled to your chest and trembling with the effort it takes to keep breathing.

gojo satoru was always meant to burn out, wasn't he? he had been a lit match, vibrant and untouchable, like a streak of blue wildfire that seared much too hot, too fast.

satoru had been bruised fingertips on your rocking hips, he had been clashing teeth and tugged cherry-bitten lips, sweet caramel dissolving on your tongue.

he had been screaming matches in the rain, slams of an apartment door, a vicious and cruel tongue when provoked.

what he wasn't meant to be was a multitude of patchwork pieces, coated in patches of day-old rusty blood and shards of bone.

you just didn't think that someone like him belonged in this fragile, porcelain world. gojo had laughed too loud for it, fought too hard, loved too recklessly. its bitter to think of now — a cosmic power in a body of flesh and blood.

how could someone like him have ever lived to see his twilight years?

but you still always thought that he would. you thought of his arrogance, the small curl of his lips as he crowed on with a shadow in his jewel-tone eyes, "don't worry, i'm the strongest, remember?"

and so, you thought you had time. time to heal wounds that you had both inflicted on each other. time to try again.

but now there was no time. no gojo. just you, left to pick up the pieces of sukuna's little mercy.

shoko works quietly, and her hands are steady, a mask pulled over her face as tools gleam under the harsh light. she's running stitches through flesh that was once warm under your skin. you watch as she runs rolls of small bandages over his bisected waist, bandages imbued with special spells for gojo's posthumous...plan.

"i can't promise anything, you know. even if i put him back together, it will never be him. just okkotsu." the shadows around shoko's pretty eyes are ever deeper, violet and blue bruising the tired ache that paints her face.

what an awful and cruel plan. the ache in your heart is too great to even consider the trial that the young yuta is yet to face, to have to step into another's body. what a perversion of the world. but your mind lingers on the harsh reality that gojo must have known that there was no other ending to this story.

and you wonder briefly about whether he had finally reached the peace that he had sought. whether that those last moments, lying in the snow like a butchered and wounded animal had been painless. had the world gone quiet in his ears as snow fell around him? had he been glad of the end?

you don't respond to shoko. what could you say? there's nothing to fix. gojo is gone, and no amount of polypropylene sutures or reverse cursed technique could sew him back into the man who had leaned against the doorframe of your room last week, grinning with his haori thrown around his shoulders.

"you just take things too seriously," he had teased, mirth tickling his voice, poking around for a provocation, "i didn't even mean it like that. let's go get something to eat downstairs." "fuck you, satoru!" you had been furious with him at the time, he had drawn your ire with some pointless tussle and barbed comment. you had been launching a comb at him which only just deflected away from his infinity, when he had laughed. "all right, let me know when you feel better, pretty," and he had tugged his haori back over his broad frame, "we can do other things too, if you like. y'know, if you're still feeling hot-headed." "get out, you dog!" "love you too." and the great gojo satoru, a fuckin' grown man, has just giggled. and winked audaciously, as he practically sauntered away.

now his ridiculous smile is a ghost, and you wonder if you’ll ever stop seeing it when you close your eyes.

you've risen from your chair slowly, every joint stiff as if the grief has taken root in your bones, curling poison ivy around your limbs that make you want to tear your nails into your own skin.

the surgical table feels close, too far, too unbearable. but you reach out still, as your fingers tremble, and you let them hover over whatever is left of him. it's his right arm, only loosely held together by rough stitches.

touching him now is like plunging your hand into a winter river. it's cold, unyielding and so profoundly wrong. the skin beneath your fingers has lost all the elasticity of life, no longer soft of warm, but stiff in an alien way. there's a bitter clinging in the back of your throat when you wonder how shoko does this everyday. it's like touching the husk of something that was once sacred to you, and you trace the faint lines of veins, now a ghostly blue beneath waxen skin. the arm is heavy, dead weight against the table.

and there's the smell, faint but inescapable. the metallic tang of blood, now dried to a dark, rusted maroon. it lingers in the air, and you close your eyes to stop yourself from losing the contents of your stomach.

It’s like touching the husk of something once sacred, a relic robbed of its divine warmth.

your hand trembles as you pull away, the cold clinging to your palm like a memory you can’t shake. you want to scrub it off, to erase the feeling, but it’s already etched into your skin, into your mind. the absence of warmth feels like a punishment, a reminder of what you’ve lost and what you can never have back.

"i should've —" the words choke in your throat, sharp and jagged. you swallow them, but they’re stuck, just like the tears that refuse to fall. "i should've done more."

shoko glances up, her gaze as piercing as the scalpels she wields. "you did everything you could. so did satoru."

your eyes blur as they fix on his lifeless form, but now you're no longer seeing cold flesh on the table. no, you're somewhere else, far softer and far sweeter. somewhere before the world had turned to ash in your hands.

you're seventeen again, standing outside your favourite bakery after school, laughing so hard your ribs hurt. because gojo had just tried to bribe the shop owner for an extra box of mochi with a lopsided grin and misguided charm. the elderly woman behind the till had told him to get lost, before muttering something about the youths of the day were rude geezers.

gojo had always been like that, over the top and dramatic, dragging you into his whirlwind without asking, but you hadn't minded. not then.

every day he had brought home something, a sugar-dusted pastry, a delicate cake, a flimsy excuse to see you smile as he'd thrust the treat into your hands like he had conquered the world, and didn't he say that there was nothing in the world as sweet as your kisses?

you drank him in like honey, not realising how it would one day sour on your tongue.

and you still remember the day that gojo came home, buzzing with energy, his usual swagger somehow dialed up to an eleven. he could barely sit still as you watched him pace your shared apartment, his words tumbling out in excited burst. you had laughed and asked what on earth was going on with your sweet boyfriend, but had only grinned before reaching into his pocket and kneeling on the worn, wooden floor.

the ring had been small and simple, a thin silver band with a single shining gem — but knowing the spending habits of the head of the gojo clan, it must have been illustrious in its price. wide-eyed and earnest, for once, he had been stripped of all his bravado.

"i'm going to marry you," he had said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. as if you weren't already his, body and soul. heart and hands.

god, you had wanted this more than anything. you had said yes, a squealing and gushing yes! gojo had slipped the ring on your finger with hands that shook just a little, and the two of you had...rechristened almost every surface in the apartment that night.

but then, it was over. slowly at first, like the creeping edge of frost, until one day it felt like you were standing in the middle of a blizzard.

the kisses turned sharp, fleeting, like a blade grazing your skin. loving hands became cold and distant on one another, pulling away as if the other’s touch burned. you started slamming doors in anger, avoiding him in the quiet spaces of your home. and when you couldn’t avoid him, your words became weapons, dripping with venom and spite. he gave as good as he got — every snarky comment from your lips was met with one from his. pride clashed with pride, and neither of you would bend, not even for love.

the breaking point came after that mission. the one where everything had gone wrong. a cursed spirit of impossible strength. you’d taken a blow meant for him — too fast, too reckless — and nearly didn’t come back from it. you remember the blood, the way it soaked into the earth beneath you as gojo shouted your name over and over again, a sound you thought might split the sky.

you’d lived, somehow, but the cracks in your foundation were too wide to ignore. that night, you’d stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at the ring on your finger, and finally let yourself bawl. when you’d slipped it off, it felt like your heart had gone with it.

what gojo didn’t know — what he never found out, would never find out now — was that you hadn’t discarded it. you couldn’t. even in the worst of it, when the fights left you shattered and raw, you couldn’t let it go. the tiny band of silver stayed tucked in your pocket, a quiet weight against your heart, a reminder of what could’ve been.

now, as you sit here, staring at what’s left of him, that weight feels unbearable. you reach into your pocket, your fingers brushing against the cool metal, and pull it out. the gem glints faintly in the fluorescent light, as if mocking you.

i still loved you, you think, the words echoing hollowly in your chest. i’m sorry.

but it’s too late now. too late for apologies, too late for second chances, too late for anything but this — grief that swallows you whole, a storm with no end in sight.

the ring slips from your trembling hand, clinking softly as it falls to the floor.

[phoenixyfriend]

I had a very long Star Wars dream last night. Baffling level of narrative coherency for a dream.

Started out with Obi-Wan Kenobi, our bespectacled thirty-something, going to a university for a Grad Student thing. He's been working for nonprofits for some time, and wants to get a degree to further his work.

He gets to an advisor's office, (which is a Generic Salt-And-Pepper White Man buuuuuut we could probably swap out for an actual AU, maybe make it Mace?) who walks him through the courses and prereqs and so on. Great. All going good. He goes out to some kind of program meeting with his fellow grad students (some straight out of undergrad, some his age) and a sort of team lead person who is… Anakin Skywalker.

And it is. Tense. Like 'everyone can feel it' tense. Anakin's doing something Doctoral, whatever, and his purpose right now is to Program Manage these grad students in another department (Anakin does some analytics and database stuff for the department), and one of those students is Obi-Wan Kenobi and nobody can figure out what the damage is.

They attempt professionalism. They are… cordial. They avoid each other otherwise.

Several weeks in, there's a "we should talk confrontation" and Anakin blows up because the time to talk was years ago, Obi-Wan! Like five to ten years ago! When shit went down!

FLASHBACK TIME: These two were doing crime. It was a team of seven. I don't remember all of whom were involved but it was definitely them two, Rex and Cody, maybe Quinlan? and a few other people. (Not Ahsoka, she was excluded for safety because teenager).

They were probably doing some kind of Leverage stuff but also possibly some domestic terrorism. A job went bad, Cody died, and they all kinda split to do their own things. Partly this was to dodge law enforcement, but partly it was because they were all fucked up and grieving.

Obi-Wan wanted to take some time to himself to grieve, which Anakin was upset about because they're not just brothers in arms, they're basically brothers, at least in Anakin's eyes, and they had a huge blow-up fight about it. They haven't spoken since.

(Rex is in Anakin's life again. He acts as an Uncle figure to the twins. He is also… not in the best mental space, considering his own dead brother.)

Obi-Wan ends up getting pulled aside to talk to someone, probably Mace or Yoda, and a no-criminal-activity version of the story spills out. And it's very 'well what the fuck am I supposed to do with that' because the person pulling him aside was thinking it was like… they had a one-night stand before the program started and now they don't know how to navigate the power dynamic, not grief and distance and family bullshit.

IDK where it was gonna go from there, I think they were still circling each other like feral cats trying to decide what to do when I woke up.

(There was a sideplot about Padme and the twins doing fun things in the basement, but the fun things included a well that they'd use to act out Alice in Wonderland and other insane stuff. Which they loved but was weird. Why do you have a well that's at least ten feet deep in your basement, Padme. Why are you putting your kids in there. Also I had to run away from a bunch of wasps into a pool.)

Rex and Cody! Are just! Background Grief Bullshit! But it hovers over the entire fic.

I think Quinlan should bully his way back into Obi-Wan's life before the plot starts.

And he's the one that angles Obi-Wan into going to This Specific University. That Anakin's at.

He didn't expect them to be that close contact, just wanted them to run into each other in the hall and make amends. In my mind, the timeline is that the crime group broke up for opsec, then a year or two later Quinlan shows up on Obi-Wan's doorstep with intent to Friendship.

Obi-Wan would have done the same with Anakin but their fight was so big and horrible that he doesn't think he'd be welcome.

NGL even in the dream I was like "wow this seems like a really intense Obikin fic concept," but every time I thought about it, the dream would hammer in on the BROTHERS thing again.

[loviingpedri]

tasting blondies - mason mount and joe burrow

prompt: noticing a pattern in your love life.

joe b x reader

ex!mason mount x reader

warnings: grammar issues, cursing, arguing

click to help palestine

credits to owners for all images

sitting on the couch with you boyfriend, joe. you ran your fingers through his short hair.

“i can’t believe you did this.” you laughed as both of you smiled.

“yeah, me either. i decided to change it up for the summer. do something for the new season.” he held you tight, smelling his strong cologne.

“if it’s one thing, you look good. really good.” you clicked your tongue at the emphasis of the word ‘really’.

and that’s when the flashback hit you.

slowly touching his hair, admiring the white chocolate color. at the same time a few years ago, you would be ending a messy situation with a boy with a similar haircut, mason mount.

“is there something wrong?” joe asked you as your expression changed.

“no, nothing is wrong. something just came in mind.”

you love joe, seriously. the memories of june 2023 always come back to haunt you. meeting the famous other footballer, changing your life. you experienced so many things within a month. you were so attached, blinded by love, nothing would’ve seen it coming.

on mason’s summer vacation, he invited you to go to spain with him. of course you accepted, you wanted to see what this relationship could bring to your life.

in the end, it was pain, regret, and heartbreak.

joe was staring at your facial features and talking gently, “you can talk to me.”

“it’s nothing. just some old memories came back. it was never important anyway.” your cleared your throat, desperately wanting to change the topic on the conversation.

“is it about that one guy you told me about? mason mount, right?”

you looked at him, trying to find a good answer.

“yeah, but i don’t wanna think about him. he’s long gone in my life. i’m craving some brownies, what about you?”

laughing at you, “i think it’s funny, the guys sent in the group chat of him when i first showed my hair. they said it was funny how you’re dating another blonde now.”

“i never thought of that.” you laid your back on the coach, really taking in the information of the pattern you just figured out.

“you know, you never told me what happened with him.” you looked at joe, a lump formed in your throat.

————flashbacks————

“are you serious right now, mase?” you pushed him away from you as he was attempting to explain.

“it wasn’t like that!”

“you use that same fucking excuse for everything.”

“i’m not the one who followed someone else on this vacation.” he threw his arms up.

“everything is about you. isn’t it? i went on this vacation because i was in love with you. mase, you can’t be serious right now.”

“nobody told you to catch feelings, alright. i thought we both assumed this wasn’t gonna be serious.” you scoffed at him.

“so you took this as a joke? i am not a joke.”

“holy shit, you’re actually unbelievable. we were never official!”

“to you. you think mind games is funny?”

“i only thought this was a summer fling. i thought you were gonna see other people, like me. i wasn’t gonna stay in chelsea forever and i was sure you weren’t gonna stay.”

tears forming in your eyes. you were in disbelief.

“of course i was gonna stay with you. i was ready to leave everything behind to follow you. i thought we had something.”

“sorry y/n. you thought wrong.”

————flashback ended————

you cleared your throat as you poured white chocolate chips into the batter.

“so yeah, that was my lame ex.” you gave him a warm smile as you shared the most vulnerable part of your life.

“you didn’t deserve that, seriously.” joe stroked your hair as he ate a few chips.

“the past is past. the pain is healed, and i’ve got the best boyfriend ever.”

joe kissed your forehead as the oven beeped after it was done pre-heating.

-

sitting on the couch with freshly baked blondies.

“i think you have some sort of magic on men.” joe said, taking a bite after.

“what?”

“you start dating a guy, then all of a sudden, he goes blonde.” he shrugged his shoulders.

“i’ve never thought of that. i’m just really that powerful then.”

sharing a laugh, you were proud of the person you became. the pain healed, and so did your heart.

because, in the end, your feelings are valid. and you learned a lesson that no matter how much something hurts you, you can find happiness somewhere else, for the better.

[its-your-mind]

Something something timkon and hair and how lex lichrally programmed Kon to shave his head before he went all luthor and was forced to attack his team, his best friends, his family. and then how most of the hair on the back of Tim’s head got burned off when he got blowed up (thx Steph) and he had to cut or shave the rest of it off so it could grow back semi-evenly. and how kon was a #rebel esp compared to all-American Boy Scout Superman; Kon’s rockin around with the side cut and the leather jacket and the buckles and the spikes or the (ill-advised and made me sad) black t-shirt and jeans but even the “I am a totally normal bro” getup made him distinct and different from Kal and that is really important to Kon because he wants to be his own person, not a Superman-stand-in. and THEN fucking LEX made it so Kon would look more like Lex! his other DNA donor!!! And Tim!! He kept his hair short — just long enough to spike it up as Robin — until both of his parents were gone. which suggests to me that he kinda always wanted it long (hello Tim Drake, #1 Dick Grayson stan) but that just wasn’t an option allowed to him (not uncommon for parents who care Very Much about Appearances — my own parents were the same about my brothers’ hair growing up, not least because the private all-boys school they went to dictated that their hair couldn’t be long enough to touch the collar of their shirt (with exceptions for [insert kinda racist and vaguely xenophobic language here] hair styles). As soon as he turned 18 my baby brother got a rocker-style mane. But I digress. Anyway). Then, post-tragedy, Tim’s hair got long enough to flip down over his forehead and stream behind him when he swung through the city (perhaps one of his ways of clinging to control and his sense of self in the whole awful situation). But then… Tim got fucking exploded, betrayed by his ex-girlfriend who had only just returned after letting him grieve her death for a year, and now she’s following Tim’s dead father mentor’s instructions to challenge him or whatever the fuck bullshit Batman told her, (a young girl whose own father was an asshole criminal, who so desperately wanted Bruce to be proud of her) and now Tim has to cut his hair all the way down to the scalp again and listen. I’m sorry dc tim looks fucking amazing in adventure comics and I’m in love with how he is arted but hair cannot and does not grow back that quick!! Mf had to wait!! I bet it grew in fucking patchy!! I bet kon’s did too!! (prolly not as bad as Tim’s cuz Tim’s got scar tissue and shit.)

but I just think tim and kon deserve a chance to sit down and just commiserate with each other about growing their hair back out (growing back out a sidecut is a BITCH I speak from experience) and Tim’s prolly having to trim his own hair super often to keep it nice-ish while it comes back in, and Kon’s curls are just a fucking MESS until they grow out enough to like. Curl. (Again, speaking from experience) And they’re just shooting the shit (“well MINE was worse bc I looked like fucking LEX. LUTHOR.” / “well you didn’t have to wait to figure out which parts of your scalp we actually gonna bother growing hair again”) until it gets quiet for a minute. And then one of them asks if the hair also reminds the other one of The Shitty Thing That Happened. And then they fucking talk about it. About how they can’t look in the mirror without having a flashback of pain or rage. How it makes them feel like they don’t even get to control their own bodies, their own appearances, and how much that fucking sucks. How they go to run their hand through their hair and there’s just. Not enough of it to do that. How Kon is terrified that somehow looking like Lex means Lex will use him to hurt the people he loves again. How every time Tim sees another Bat or Bird looking at the back of his head, all he can think about is how they might be planning to lure him into another Bat-mandated trap test. How both Tim and Kon kinda really miss the feeling of people playing with their hair. How they miss playing with each others’ hair.

And maybe then one of them extends an offer and the other does the same and they agree to do each others’ hair. Maybe it’ll help paint a new layer over those awful memories.

So Kon finds Tim once a week (he’s never in the same place, he’s rarely even in the same country) and he trims the hair until it looks even, gives Tim the #sitch on how much hair is growing back in. After the second or third week he realizes that Tim’s not keeping up with his burn-care routine, so he starts bringing burn and scar cream with him too. Then he remembers Tim’s lack of a hair care routine and starts trying out different products on Tim’s hair to see what works best. Tim doesn’t say anything, but he thinks all of this feels even better than when Kon and Cassie used to twist little braids into his hair.

Kon insists that Tim doesn’t have to help until his hair’s grown out more, (that he doesn’t want Tim nearby and distracted while Kon still looks like Lex) but Tim outright refuses to let Kon push him away and he will NOT be outdone in the caretaking game. He waits until Kon’s busy fighting some giant alien robot in metropolis and sneaks in to the Kents’ house to scope out what products Kon uses. When he leaves the bathroom, Ma Kent is there, eyebrow raised. She tells him he “could have just knocked on the front door, sweetheart, we know how’ta keep secrets in this house. Now, let’s get some food in you before Conner comes home. You’re all skin and bones, hun.” So Tim goes downstairs and takes some mini meat pies for the road, and then researches the products Kon uses, what they do, what the ingredients do, if there are other (more expensive) options that people have sworn up and down are better. He amasses a collection, and the next time Kon shows up with clippers and healing creams and a new shampoo to try, Tim’s already got ten different products lined up on the sink — everything from shampoos and conditioners to serums and masks. Kon asks if these are things Tim wants Kon to use in Tim’s hair. Tim tells him that no, all of these are for Tim to try on Kon. Kon almost cries. (He does cry, he just doesn’t let the tears fall until Tim isn’t looking.) (Tim notices anyway ofc.) And Tim’s made a spreadsheet to track the effectiveness of different products, different ingredients, different combinations, so he tells Kon to start coming every 2-3 days instead, so he can establish results using a realistic timeframe. Sometimes, if Tim’s gonna be in one place for a few days, Kon just crashes with him. (Neither of them say it, but they both fucking CRAVE the old Core Four cuddle piles.) Eventually, when Kon’s hair is long enough that he’s ready to switch back to his side-cut again, Tim surprises him by not only shaving the hair down, but shaving a few racing stripes (“they’re flight patterns!” / “rob, I dunno what to tell you. everyone’s gonna think they’re racing stripes. doesn’t mean they aren’t dope as fuck, though.”) into Kon’s hair. Every time Kon’s hair grows out enough, Tim shaves it back and stencils in a new design. Kon starts making requests (“gimme the Super ‘S’!” / “It’s the House of El crest, Kon. You know that. Also, you have a secret identity to maintain.” / “C’mon, I’ll just say I’m a fan!” / “With the same El family crest shaved onto your scalp as Superboy?” / “No one’s noticed the identical head decor yet!”) but it’s the day Kon asks (with the same confident and mischievous tone as always) for Tim to shave in the Red Robin crest that something in Tim’s chest, something formless and warm that he hadn’t really paid attention to before, seers a burning path through his heart, takes root, and solidifies.

“Kon. I love you.”

Kon’s distracted, rifling through their hair-care bags for Tim’s razors. “Love you too, Robbie. Duh. That’s why I’m askin’ you to shave your cre–”

“No,” Tim shakes his head, mildly frustrated with himself for the lack of clarity. “I’m in love with you. I think I have been for a while.”

Kon is seated in the chair they’d pulled into the bathroom from the hotel room’s desk, so he has to look up to meet Tim’s eyes. The hand digging beneath sample bottles of leave-in conditioner freezes, still wrist-deep in hair products. Kon’s expression looks to Tim like one of his video games’ character builders froze between the settings for ‘bright smile’ and ‘shock and awe.’

So Tim just looks down at him. Waits. If this was anyone else, Tim would probably be losing his mind right now, but… it’s Kon. Tim’s safe. Kon would never do anything to hurt him.

Kon unfreezes, blinks a few times. “Could you–” he coughs. “Could you say that again? I think my brain maybe like, malfunctioned for a second.”

Tim takes a step closer, reaches out one hand to cup Kon’s cheek, scratches his fingertips through the stubble on the side of Kon’s head. “I’m in love with you, Conner Kent.”

Tears fill Kon’s eyes, and he blinks them away. “That’s– that’s what I thought you said.” His hand (the one not trapped beneath a sea of shampoos, some detached and unhelpful part of Tim’s mind remarks) comes up to gently rest on Tim’s hip. “Robbie, Tim, I– of course I’m in love with you. You– you’re– you’re amazing, you know that? You’re so kind and strong and you’re a genius and you’re a gift to everyone around you; I dunno how everyone else doesn’t see you like I do.”

Tim can’t help but reach out his other hand to wrap around the back of Kon’s head, to feel where the curls carve a path down through the shorter hair and come to a sharp point.

“I mean, damn Wonder Boy,” Kon tries to muster up his Superboy smirk, but the look in his eyes is full of too much genuine affection for him to pull it off. “I think I’ve been in love with you since Kauai, since you grabbed me outta free-fall and swung me to safety. You caught me. No one’d ever done that before. And then you just… kept doing it. You’re still saving me, still taking care of me.”

Kon reaches his other hand (no eruption of hairspray, thank you TTK, that same unhelpful part of Tim’s mind comments. Read the room! the rest of Tim yells at it.) around the back of Tim’s neck, avoiding the tender and scarred areas with practiced ease, and pulls Tim down until their foreheads touch.

“I love you, Wonder. I love you, Robbie.” Kon tilts his head up, waits until their eyes meet. He’s got the biggest smile on his face that Tim’s ever seen.

Tim smiles back, and Kon’s eyes soften. “I love you, Tim.”

Tim leans down and uses his hands on either side of Kon’s head to guide Kon’s lips up to his own.

This is what I want to remember, Tim thinks as he feels Kon’s fingers gliding softly against the sensitive skin of his burn, feels Kon’s TTK covering and protecting the parts still too tender to touch. Tim runs his own fingertips back and forth over the stubble on the sides of Kon’s head, before pushing them up until they’re tangled in Kon’s curls.

I don’t want to care anymore whether or not the people around me look at the back of my head and see weakness or failure. They don’t get to decide whether this mark on my body matters or what it means. I do. And I decide that these scars are important because they brought me here, to this moment. They brought me to Kon.

Kon tilts his head down to break the kiss. He stands up, and before Tim gets a chance to move away and give him space, Kon wraps his arms and TTK around him. He plants a kiss in Tim’s hair. “Damn, Wonder Boy. Having to grow all my hair back almost feels worth it if it got me here.”

Tim smiles and wraps his arms around Kon’s waist, nestles into Kon’s chest. “You know what, Clone Boy? I was just thinking the same thing.”

[improvapocalyps]

"Okay, yeah. If you kill a red name, killed a red name-" "I'll give you a life for that. That's the deal." "We'll be back together like buddies again, Bdubs."

In participation of Extreme Timed Challenge Gift Exchange hosted by @extremetimedchallengeexchange!

[gifs, full storyboard, behind-the-scene rambles under cut]

past 48h animatics: MCYTETC2023, ETC2023

[Red Lives-Suspicion; Prayer-Determination; Fireworks]

Fiddled with gradient maps this time for some additional colors :D I would have colored in the eyes as well, but I didn't have enough energy left when the event hit the 47th hour xD

Also played around with camera movements. Respect to people who do fan edits and other forms of video/ assets editing 'cause keyframes are so 😭

13 hours to draft storyboard this time! Last year I used 16 but with waaay more frames idk how I accomplished that. Probably bc this year I'm drawing more than three(3) characters lmao

Progress Timeline:

[13th hour] finished storyboard/ draft (plany off time...) [25th hour] lineart for the first 10 seconds (wuh oh) [36th hour] lineart for the first 25 seconds (oh shit oh fuck gotta shorten it) [45th hour] finished Bdubs' part (NOOO I DONT HAVE TIME FOR ETHO)

ngl kinda glad i cut it in half rn 'cause i'd have to spend time figuring out shadowDog's design /lh

Designs I used for Lizzie and Joel (old art from 2022 and 2021 respectively) (holy shit i've been here for 3 years???)

Joel *shakes fist* i hate u and ur stupid beard

[Lyrics vibe/scene planning; hours before disaster]

I think most of the drawn parts didn't deviate from the initial idea. Mostly timing adjustments and building upon the vibes. The parts that were changed the most was the "And you caused it (×3 combo)".

Went from "vague flashbacks" to "following Etho and co. out of the cave and back to Scott's base while implying who Etho blames with single character focus shots".

The first one is Scott because he suggested the idea. Like, obviously he's to blame. It's not like Etho went along and cemented the deal himself. Scott totally peer-pressured him into it.

The second one is Etho because... well the scene ends up kind of being like. The sight of the Snow Fortress triggering a flashback. (EthosLab the content creator deliberately turned his camera towards the Snow Fortress and holds it there for a second instead of looking at the huge lava pillar right in front of him. What is WRONG with him.)

But also like. Clocks are kind of special to Bdubs right. Whoever gave him a clock basically has his (temporary) loyalty or at the least earned a favor from him. So like. If he hadn't gifted Bdubs the clock, which signifies a closer(?) bond, maybe Bdubs wouldn't be so devoted to him (wrong). Also serves as a call-back/ reference to the "Prayer-Determination" shot ("pray with clock" in the scene planning screenshot). I like to think that Bdubs weighted his options and thought about "if he will kill/ who to kill" a lot while following the other Red Names. And in that scene he's like, convincing/ motivating himself. Remembering who/ what he's doing this for.

(It is also meant to be part of my giftee's other prompt: "an exploration of the doubt one or both of them felt during the heart transfer that didn’t happen after Bdubs killed Lizzie, and the following guilt Etho felt." The Etho section starting from "we're setting fire to our inside for fun" til the end of the animatic is based on that prompt.)

After a brief period of self-blame, it's time to shift it onto someone else! Because you're in denial! If Bdubs hadn't gone red, then Etho wouldn't have to offer the deal. If Bdubs hadn't want to stay as teammates, then he wouldn't agree to the deal. If Bdubs wasn't so devoted to Etho, then he wouldn't have attacked Lizzie and gotten himself killed.

Then the animatic ends with the end of the session :D

...That's longer than I expected but also not that long. If you read through all that, tysm :] Tell me your thoughts! Have a good day/ evening/ night :D

[glassartpeasants]

Run Rabbit Run

Yandere!Eustass Kidd x F!Reader

Warnings: physical abuse, death, pre-time skip kidd, implied non-con, nonconsensual kissing/touching, blood, Kidd being an arsonist, edited as much as my smooth brain could, long fic??

Trash summary: After escaping, reader has flashbacks of her time with kidd and it only fuels her want for freedom more

A/N: Well, this took a bit long. I went over this fic so damn much it isn't even funny. I do hope in the end, it was worth it and that you guys like it. Whoever guesses the word count gets a cookie

music playlist

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10

~~~

The sound of rain crashing down did little to dull the sound of your beating heart. It echoed in your ears to the point where you thought it’d explode! The way you struggled to get air in your lungs didn’t help either. They burned along with your body as you ran as fast as you could through the trees.

The rain still hit you despite the leaves that protected you overhead. Your clothes clung to your body tight enough to the point it made it difficult to run. You lost your socks to the mud long ago, so now you were pushing through the slimy ground as fast as you could. The feeling of it against your feet made you cringe. But you’d rather deal with it than go back to the hell that you just escaped from.

About a year ago, you were abducted from your hometown in broad daylight by the most feared New Gen pirates in the South Blue, the Kidd Pirates. Everyone from your town knew who they were. No shop owners denied them service, and everyone waited on their beck and call. Despite that, they still plundered and burned down anything they wanted to. Nothing was safe.

You remember the first day you saw them. You were walking home from the grocery store when you heard the mayor pleading. Biting your lip, you look around the corner of a building, trying to get a sense of what was happening. There you saw it, your mayor on his knees begging a group of people to leave your town alone. Squinting your eyes, you try to see better, only to let out a gasp of shock and fear.

“No way…” You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. The seemingly whole crew of the infamous Kidd Pirates. Their captain, Eustass Kidd, stood in front of your begging mayor with a sick grin on his face. 

“Too bad, old man! Now, you either give me all the treasures in this shit town, or you'll see its ashes fall from the sky!” The air seemed to go cold as you felt frozen. You wanted to run away and warn your community, but something made you stay.

“But! The people need that for-” The mayor went flying backward from a kick that the pirate sent his way.

“Wrong answer, old fool! Burn it down and take everything! Leave no stone unturned!” The rest of the pirates went their separate ways and followed their captain's commands. Your whole body shook as you moved your gaze back to the captain. A choking feeling took over you when you saw his amber eyes staring right into yours. Even from where you stood, you could hear him laughing as your eyes never left his. 

You finally manage to pull out of your frozen trance when you watch him starting to move in your direction. Dropping your groceries, you start to run away as fast as you could. You look all around, trying to find the best routes to lose him, but his eyes haunt you no matter where you look.

The sound of your footsteps rang in your ears as you felt your heart kicking into overdrive. What could he possibly want from you? Would he kill you? Use you as some sort of ransom? All you knew was that you had to outrun him! 

Suddenly, your jerked to a stop. You feel yourself slowly moving backward. Looking down, you see the bracelet that your fiance gave you, slowly pulling you back to where you just ran from. You try to take it off but are once again jerked back even harder, and your whole body feels like it’s flying backward from how hard you were pulled back.

“Where do you think you're going, huh?” A strong hand grabbed your wrist as your back collided with the man you had just tried to run away from. You could only look up in horror as his smile sent chills down your spine.

“Y-Your Eustass Kidd…” Your voice shakes, as well as your body.

“Damn right, I am. What? You afraid?” His laugh only fueled your fear more. Here you were, stuck in a madman's grip with no way of knowing what his plans for you were.

“Please! Just let me go! I-I’ll give you all the money I have. Just please let me go!” You try to pry his hand off your wrist, but inside, you know it is pointless. It seemed your pathetic attempt amused him.

“Now, why would I let something I caught far and square go?” He pulled your hand closer to look at the bracelet that adorned your wrist.

“Your shitty stainless steel bracelet betrayed you, princess.”

“My fiance worked hard to make it for me!-”

“Don’t make me laugh! This is the shittest piece of jewelry I’ve ever seen!” You see him grab your bracelet and watch in horror as it contorts itself off your wrist. It falls into his hands as he looks at it closer.

“Give it back!” You try to grab it, but he lifts it up and away from your grasp.

“It ain’t even pure stainless steel. Pathetic. Not even detailed, just a circle of metal.” Your mouth drops open when you see the bracelet crunch into a ball the size of a bullet.

“Repel.” What used to be your bracelet shoots away from his hand and into a store window. You feel tears rim your eyes at his chuckles.

“Now, c’mon. You're coming with me.” Once again, you try to pry off his grip, but it doesn’t budge an inch.

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be, princess. I’m not a very patient person.” You were about to say something in retaliation, but the sound of your fiance yelling made you turn your head.

“(Y/N)! Get your hands off her, you filthy pirate!” Your heart drops to your stomach when you see your fiance standing 30 feet away from you. Moving your gaze from your fiance to Kidd was a mistake, as you felt your blood run cold. The cocky grin was no longer there, instead, a furious one replaced it.

“This is that pathetic fiance? Ugh, I don’t have time to deal with you. I’ve got to take this treasure I found back to the ship-”

“(Y/N)’s not going anywhere with you! Let her go, pirate!” A murderous look sparked in Kidd’s eyes as he looked at your fiance, who dared tell him what to do. A bad feeling filled your gut as you turned to your fiance.

“Run (....)! He’s going to kill you!” You try to scream out to them as loud as you could. The hand that once gripped your wrist wrapped itself around your torso and pulled you into Kidd’s chest. Your arms trapped under his arm as you struggle to even move.

“Killer!” The sound of running footsteps echoes as they grow closer to you.

“Yeah, Kidd?” A man in a striped blue and white mask appears next to you. His stature much different from the one holding you hostage.

“I need to make an example out of them, kill them. Little shit thinks they can tell me what I can and can’t do.” You stare at the masked man in horror as he seemingly stares back at you.

“Who’s she?”

“My new plaything. Cutie, ain’t she?” Kidd’s chest rumbles with small laughter as he holds you tighter. The man who you assume is Killer, simply nodded before two massive blades come into your view. Your throat goes dry as you see him rush towards your fiance, who looks petrified. 

“No! Leave them alone!-”

“Alright, let's go.” You were turned around just before you heard the wails of your fiance. Tears started to slip down your cheeks as the love of your life was brutally slain right behind you. Your mind runs with horrific images of what could have possibly happened. All you did was look at the ground and watch as each pebble left your sight as Kidd walked forward. You wanted to scream, kick, punch, just anything to hurt him, but your body was immobile from the sheer shock of how fast your life was crashing down in front of you.

“What a pretty sight, don’t you think?” Biting your lip, you move your head up slowly to see what could possibly make him so happy. As soon as you lifted your head, you felt your mouth drop open at the sight.

The buildings that you’ve known your entire life were set ablaze. The heat it gave off was insufferable as Kidd walked through it without a care. Sounds of wood collapsing and flames flickering rang from all directions. All your childhood memories erased and replaced with an ongoing hell before your eyes. The urge to vomit was immense, but you held back, not wanting to show any more weakness than you already have.

The trek from the town to the ship felt like hours, yet when you did reach the ship, it was like one you’d never seen. You couldn’t keep your eyes off it. If it didn’t belong to the man who took away all that you loved dear just moments ago, you would have applauded for its uniqueness. The only thing that deserves the fate that your home was subject to is the ship in front of you. 

Your heart beat against your ribs at the sound of wood creaking under Kidd’s feet. You bit your lip in worry, not knowing where he was taking you. While he dragged you to the deep parts of his ship, you tried memorizing anything you could. The only thing you could really focus on, though, was the sickening smile that he wore. 

He stopped at a door in the furthest part of the ship. Your body shook as he opened the door to show what's inside. Crates filled most of the room, but there was a small window that barely let any light inside the room. When your eyes landed on a set of chains, you knew that you couldn’t let him put those on you. If he got them on, there was no way to get them off!

“No! Let me go!” You try to desperately wiggle out, but a quick crushing hold from Kidd had the wind knocked from your lungs. The sounds of chains jiggling blocked from your mind as you try to regain the air that was abruptly squeezed out of you. It was only when you felt the cold metal attacking your ankle and your body crashing to the ground is when you were dragged back to the present. 

“There we go.” You didn’t dare look up. Your only thought was to pry off the chain, even though you knew that it was wishful thinking. Tears pour down your face once more at the fear of what would happen to you. You could feel your nails digging into the skin of your ankle as you tried to rip it off.

You feel Kidd grabbing both your wrists with one hand before using the other one to grab your face. He moves your head so he can look at your tear filled face. He moved his smiling face closer to yours to where there must have been only 2 inches away from yours. You see him stick his tongue out before you feel the slimy muscle run up your cheek, licking your tears away. You felt bile rise in your throat as he did the same to your other cheek, his saliva coating your skin. Through your blurry vision, you can see him licking his lips.

“You look so hot with tears running down your face, princess. Just the sight alone is enough for me to want to shove my cock down your throat just to see more of your pretty tears.” His crude words made you shut your eyes in embarrassment as you tried to turn your head away, yet to no avail. You can feel his head move to the point where you feel his breath against your ear.

“I’ll be back. Don’t wanna miss out on all the fun. Gotta make sure everything burns. I’m sure you understand.” His laughter rang in your ear as he let go of your face and wrists. The noise echoed in the small room. Making it sound like the devil himself was laughing at you. The man in front of you might as well be.

The small light that the door gave you soon snuffed out as Kidd closed the door. The sound of it locking on the other side made the darkness surrounding you more menacing. From the small window that gave you as much light as a lighter, you could see the sun setting and the small burnt debris from your home falling from the sky.

~~~

The feeling of the ship rocking made your stomach curdle. You’ve never been on one before, and now you were at the very bottom of one? The window that was your only source of light was just barely above the water. On rainy days, light was practically a wish. You were caved in total darkness. The only thing that soothed you to sleep was the sound of the rain. You just tried to imagine you were back home and lying down on your bed, waiting for your fiance to join you.

The ‘bed’ you got to sleep on was just tons of blankets lying on top of one another. You had to use a blanket as a pillow as well. It didn’t help that it was freezing. Hypothermia was basically knocking on your door every night. Sometimes you could even see your own breath. 

The chain around your ankle didn’t help either. It felt like freezing needles were stabbing into your skin constantly. Sometimes you thought that it might just freeze your foot off.

Suddenly, you hear the telltale signs that Kidd was approaching your door. You’ve memorized the patterns of everyone's footsteps that had come in and out of your room. Which was basically just Kidd and his little kiss-ass friend Killer.

You could hear the lock unlocking, and soon the bright light from the outside filled your room. Gritting your teeth, you pretend to be asleep under the blankets. Maybe he might just leave.

“I know your awake, princess.” You move your head just so you could barely catch a glimpse of him. Despite the fact you were shooting him daggers with your eyes, he simply laughed at you. He held a lantern light before shutting the door and making it semi-dark again. Your heartbeat doubles as you see his smile as he walks towards you. 

“No, hello, aye?” He set down the lantern on a crate before sitting down just above your head. It was quiet for a second before you felt him grip your hair and harshly tug so you’d look at him. The stinging made your eyes water as you looked at him.

“You better start talking, I wanna hear your voice, princess.” You see him pull out a sharp blade from his pocket. Knowing he was a man who never made empty threats, you gave in.

“H-Hello Eustass.” Your voice barely a whisper as you look at him in his amber eyes. 

“There we go. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” You dig your nails into the blankets as you try to imagine yourself anywhere but here. His laughter rang in your ears before you felt him lock his lips with yours. 

He was rough, and he kept your hair tightly between your fingers. You didn’t reciprocate the kiss, which made him let out a growl. His grip grew tighter, and you soon felt the cold metal of a blade press up against the skin of your neck. 

You could feel your eyes widen and your heart stop at the sensation. You couldn’t escape him if you were dead. Despite wanting to spit in his face, you did what he wanted. While he didn’t move the knife, you felt him smile against your lips. 

He was pushy with his kisses, seemingly trying to steal your air. You did your best to try and keep up so he wouldn’t hurt you, but he was just not giving you any time. He bit your lip hard, which made you yelp out in pain. He took advantage and shoved his tongue down your throat. The taste of sake filled your mouth as he explored every inch of your mouth. 

Tears soon dripped from your eyes, no matter how hard you tried to keep them in. Kidd saw this and groaned into your mouth at the sight. You hated this sick bastard and how he got off to you crying from pain and fear. 

He soon pulled away, and a trail of saliva connected both of your lips. Air finally expanded your lungs after being cut off for so long. You cough for a few seconds before looking back up at Kidd. The knife was still held against your throat, and his grip on your hair tight. 

“Your still so bratty. I wonder how long it’s going to take to break you. Break you so you cry and beg for my cock the moment you see me. Begging me to use you like a toy. My dicks hard just thinking about it.” The hand holding the knife left, and you could see him put it down. A sigh of relief left you before you felt him grab your hand. He gave you a gut-wrenching smile before moving your hand to the waistband of his pants. Your eyes widen, and your heart stops at the action.

“Gonna show you just how hard you make me princess. And maybe if your good, you’ll get a reward…” He pushes your hand down his pants you hear him let out a shaky breath. You can feel the tips of your fingers touching the base of his cock. The simple feeling made you vomit in your mouth. You hear Kidd laugh as he looks down at you. He puts his face close to yours once more, and you can see the crazed look in his eyes. 

“...And if you're bad, you can say goodbye to ever leaving this room.”

~~~

Your ankle still burns from being shackled for so long. It was so tight against your foot that sometimes you still think it's on. It has been off for a while, but the scar from it scrapping against your skin was still fresh. It’d no doubt stay there forever, even if you do apply scar cream. The scar would always be a reminder of what you went through and what you lost. 

By now, the rain had mixed with your tears as your hair stuck to your face. Your body overworked itself as it ignored every fall in the mud, every rock or stick stepped on, and the overwhelming fear that the man you’ve been stuck with will catch you. After working so hard to be able to escape, you weren’t gonna go down now. 

Still, you feared that he might find you. You had left footprints in the mud as you ran into the woods. What if he saw them? Could the rain possibly have washed them away? Your mind simply ran rampant as thoughts seemed to come and go. 

Especially the thought of how you were going to get the thick metal collar that adorned your neck off. It also rubbed against your skin to the point where it would also leave a scar. The rubbed raw skin burned whenever the cold metal hit against it. The cold rain barely soothed the pain. You didn’t see how that crazy bastard thought that it was a reward for good behavior. 

Once again, you felt your body freezing up. It had been getting colder, and you still had the same blankets you did when you were first thrown into this hell hole. Your hair was still slightly damp from the shower earlier, and it didn’t make you warmer either.  You could hear laughter and cheers coming from the floor above you.

‘Sounds like they're celebrating another successful raid. Gross.’ You could only think to yourself as the sounds grew louder and louder. How the hell were you supposed to sleep when they're practically screaming?

Just then, you could hear Kidd’s footsteps approaching the door. You take a deep breathe before getting ready to deal with your kidnapper once again. What could he want at this hour though? First his crew is partying late into the night and now he’s coming down to bother you? 

“Wake up, princess. I got you a present.” You could practically hear his sadistic smile from the other side of the door. The door unlocked, and you could see his outline. His shadow filled the small room. In his hand seemed to be a thick metal collar. A sinking feeling rose in your gut. What could he possibly want for making you wear that?

“What's that?” Your voice filled with venom despite trying to sound calm. You glared at the collar, hoping that it might explode. 

“Well since you’ve been such a good girl, I think you can take a break from the chains.” Your eyebrows raise in suspicion at his words.

“But you have to wear this.” He held up said metal collar with a smirk.

“If you even try to run, I can just drag you back to me. Of course, you wouldn’t get far, but if you do try anything, your going back down here. In the dark.” You run your options in your head. Even if it’s for a while, getting out of this room might save some of your dwindling sanity. At the same time, you’ll be stuck with him for even longer in the day.

“...Okay.” When the shackle fell from your ankle you swore you could feel a smile grace your lips. The raw skin finally free from the constant rubbing on the shackle. The smile was short lived though, cause just as soon as that piece of metal left, the metal collar wrapped around your throat. It was much lighter than you thought but it was still thick. Kidd grabbed your chin and made you face him.

“You look so much more pretty with that around your neck. Now, I can take you places. Doesn’t that sound fun, princess?” He laughed in your face before grabbing you and throwing you over his shoulder. You yelp in surprise at the sudden action as Kidd makes his way out of the small room.  

While he locked the door, you took in your surroundings. You haven’t seen the outside of the room since you were originally put in there. Kidd always just came to you, so you forgot what outside the room looked like. That or Killer would blindfold you and take you to the showers before bringing you back. 

“Where are we going?” Your voice sounded like a whisper compared to the loud roars of laughter coming from the crew.  Kidd didn’t answer you regardless, which only made you frown.  You tried to commit every floorboard and hallway to memory as he took you to another room. It didn’t take long, but it felt like an eternity in your fear. 

When he opened the door to the other room, it was much bigger than the one you had just left. It had an actual bed, and clothes strayed all across the floor. Tiny metal trinkets scattered across shelves and a dresser.

‘Must be his bedroom…’ The door locked as soon as you were inside. Before you could say anything, Kidd dropped you onto the bed.

“Get comfy 'cause you're sleeping here tonight.” You didn’t say anything, only scooting closer to the top of the bed.  You were already in your pajamas, the warmest ones that Kidd had bought you. Well, more likely stole, but whatever. All your clothes were picked out by him, and you hated it. They all showed too much skin to your liking, and the pajamas weren’t any better. The warmest one was a T-shirt and fleece pajama shorts. Obviously not something that would create much heat. 

You threw the blankets over you and laid down on the bed, trying to avoid looking at your captor. The metal collar made it slightly uncomfortable, but you could still sleep with it on, no doubt. 

The feeling of the bed dipping down behind you made your breath hitch as you felt the covers move as well. A strong hand grabs your waist and pulls you closer towards the middle of the bed. A warm body was pressed against your back, and the smell of oil hit your nostrils. Another arm slithers under your body, and now you're totally trapped against his chest. 

“You smell so nice, princess. I could just eat you.” Kidd laughs as he lays his head between your head and shoulder. The metal collar against his face couldn’t be comfortable, but he didn’t say anything.

“Thank you…?” Despite the urge to ignore him, you don’t. You didn’t wanna freeze and maybe this could be used to your advantage. A way to escape!

You feel his lips kiss the exposed skin of your neck that the collar didn’t cover before feeling his lipstick run against your neck when he begins nibbling on the sensitive skin. You can feel him smiling, and the way his breath fanned your neck made goosebumps ghost your skin. 

A rough, calloused hand soon grabs the fat of your thigh before rubbing a circle on it with his thumb. The feeling of his hands holding you never failed to make you frown. You grit your teeth when you hear Kidd laugh against your skin. 

“Now that you're going to be out in public with me. I need the world to know who you belong to.” You can feel your throat going dry at the implications of his words and actions. Closing your eyes, you did your best to try imagining yourself home and in bed with your fiance.

He seemed to pick up that you were imagining you were anywhere else but here cause you soon felt his teeth dig into your skin harshly. You let out a cry from the pain and dig your nails into the bed sheets. Biting your lip, you try to ignore the throbbing the bite brought. 

The hand that wasn’t rubbing on your thigh moved under your shirt. Your heart beat rapidly the closer he got to your breasts. His cold hands felt like ice cubes running against your skin. Words of hatred rose in your throat as you tried to hold down the venom that bubbled inside you.

“A-Aren’t you tired from raiding? Maybe we should get some sleep, huh?” You tried to deter him from continuing his selfish desires. A soft ‘hmm’ came from his throat but was soon replaced with laughter.

“I think I’ll sleep better after fucking you on my cock. Plus, I’ve been thinking about fucking you stupid all day, princess.” Your heart dropped to your stomach at his confession. Every inch of your body went rigid when you felt his hand palm your breast. 

The hand that rubbed circles on your thigh soon moved up and played with the waistband of your shorts. Tears started streaming down your face at the feeling of his cold fingers dipping beneath the layers of clothes. 

~~~

You hated the way his room smelled. Oil and sweat seemingly infused with every object. Did he ever wash his clothes? It was to the point where you would have washed them with! The stench was unbearable!

Yet, you would still rather be here in a warm room than the freezing hell that was your old room. At least here, there was a thick comforter. Even though there was a bed that was much more comfortable than the floor, you'd rather lay on the ground than lay in a bed where you felt like your life was worth nothing. 

“God fucking damnit! Those fucking marines keep getting in my way!” All the blood in your body ran cold, hearing Kidd scream in rage. He was a whole other evil when his rage took over. Unfortunately, it was more often than you’d like. When he got like this, it felt like he viewed you as an enemy. You remember when he grabbed your arm before throwing you to the ground after accusing you of laughing at his failure. 

Or the time when he kicked you in the stomach so hard that you threw up. 

The bedroom door slammed open before Kidd slammed it shut again. You didn’t say anything, only looking at him to see his next move. He had some blood on his face that only made his rage more horrifying. 

“Fuck!” Grabbing a metal trinket, he threw it at his door. The impact was strong enough for it to get stuck in the door. You dug your nails into your palms as you looked at the door. There were already marks from when he’d throw knives at the door in anger. You swallowed the lump that seemed to get caught in your throat as you hesitantly turned your gaze toward Kidd.

“What the fuck are you staring at?!” Your heart froze as you hear him stomping towards you. A spurt of adrenaline kicked inside you as you tried moving backward away from him. It only served to make him madder cause he grabbed you by your foot and pulled you towards him.

“I said, what the fuck are you staring at?!” His hand grabbed the exposed part of your neck before squeezing. You tried kicking him, but he only lifted you up in the air. Tears rimmed your eyes as you try clawing at his hand, which only served to piss him off more.

“Your happy, aren’t you?! You think that marines are gonna catch me and you’ll be free?! Is that it?!” You tried shaking your head, but his grip was too strong. 

“I-I can’t….breathe… Kidd please…” Through your blurry vision, you can see the same amber eyes that haunted your nightmares. Even when your vision started to go black, you could see his eyes glowing.

“Stupid bitch!” You feel your body getting thrown and the grip on your neck gone. Yet not soon after, you feel your body colliding with the wall before falling on the floor. You could hear a crack ringing in your ears when your head hit the floor. 

Every inch of your body burned, and the slightest movement only doubled that. When you tried to open your eyes, your vision was blurry, and you could feel something cascading down your forehead. You couldn’t move your head, so all you saw was the dirty floor of the bedroom. 

It sounded like Kidd was trying to say something, but it was all just white noise. All you could hear was the ringing in your head and the feeling of your head throbbing. You feel your forehead is covered in something, but everything just seems like a blur. 

Kidd’s boots soon came into your sight as he kneeled down next to you. You feel his fingers glide through your hair before taking a fistful and lifting you up to face him. A searing pain vibrated through your body as you let out a pained cry. You try to move, but your body feels too bruised to even move in the slightest.

“Fucking pathetic! Why do I even keep you around when you're so fucking useless?!” Despite your blurry vision, his eyes managed to pierce through the blur. You try to talk, but nothing comes out, not even whimpers. 

“Hey! I’m talking to you! Don’t fucking ignore me!” The grip on your hair was replaced by him grabbing your face so you’d look at him. All you saw was a red blur with eyes glaring at you. All your strength disappeared, and you could feel yourself grow limp.

A deep urge to sleep soon took a toll as you felt your eyelids growing heavy. It felt like rocks were dragging them down, and no matter how hard you tried to keep them open. Even though you could feel yourself being shaken, you simply ignored the sensation. With a last flutter of your eyes, a black void soon swallowed 

You remember Killer telling you that you were out cold for a few days and what actually happened to you. Well, more like you had to hit it out of him. Kidd must have told him not to tell you, but in the end, you managed to get the truth after hitting him repeatedly and threatening to throw things at him. 

What he told you was that your body hit the ground hard enough for your skull to have a small fracture. 

It did manage to heal relatively well and at the predicted healing rate, but that didn’t mean anything to you. It wouldn’t have happened if Kidd didn’t use you as a personal punching bag. You remember the look in his eyes when he lifted you in the air and had his hand wrapped around your throat. It’s a look that still plagues your nightmares even to this day. You’re still fully convinced that he planned to kill you that day, but something stopped him. 

Those events only encouraged you to run as fast as your feet could carry you. 

The rain made it hard to stay on your feet even though you tried your hardest. There were times when your foot would slip, and you’d go crashing into the mud. It felt disgusting to have your body coated in seemingly cold slime. Your clothes were definitely done with after you found a place to safely hide and to get rid of them. 

If you were to look at yourself in a mirror right now, you’d probably look like a mudslide victim. The feeling of mud getting under your collar and rubbing against the raw skin burned like hell. You prayed that it wouldn’t get infected. 

~~~

He was acting more loving than normal. It was…unnerving.

Something must have changed inside of Kidd after he threw you against the wall. Because instead of just him using you for his own pleasure and using you as a punching bag whenever he got angry, he started acting like you actually meant something to him. Acting like he loved you.

The thought made you sick. It had to be some sick game he was playing.

Yet, here he was now, laying on your chest, giving you praises. Telling you that your such a good girl. That he chose the right one to have by his side. How you were so beautiful and that you made him so happy. 

He was acting vulnerable.

“I love you princess…” He buried his head in your chest. You knew he wanted to hear you say the same thing, but there was no way you were ever telling him that. Even if he gave you all the treasure in the world, you’d never say it. So all you did was run your fingers through his unkempt hair, thinking of questions to ask him, to try distracting him.

“How was the recent raid?”

“You should have seen how high the fires were. High enough to touch the clouds! Even those stupid marines couldn’t put out the flames!” His laughter made your heart constrict. You knew he was merciless when it came to his raids, but it simply reminded you of the horror that happened to your own town. You felt stupid for asking even though you should have known the answer.

“Was…the treasure good?”

“Not even worth a cent. They tried fighting us on it, so we had to teach them a lesson.” You let out a ‘hmm’ as you frown. A sudden weight was lifted off your chest as you saw him lifting his body up off yours. You weren’t complaining, but you wondered what was going on in that crazy head of his. 

The bed dipped on the side of you, and you felt Kidd grab you and pull you close to him. Your face was pressed against his chest, and your head was under his. The feeling of his lips kissing the top of your head only served to frown more. 

“Killer was asking me the other day when I plan on letting you go…” You could feel your eyes widen at his words. You haven’t begged him to let you go since you got the collar. Ever since you got the collar, you’ve just been plotting to get his trust and finding a way out. Maybe he figured out your plan? Yet surely, he will get rid of you someday, right? One day he’d get bored of you.

“...And I told him never.”

~~~

It felt like you’ve been running forever. You fear your body is giving up on you with how much slower you’ve been running. The thought that you might collapse soon without being in a safe place scared you cause what if he found you? You’d never see the light of day again.

Thankfully, you were out of the mostly dirt part of the forest. By now, there was actual grass, and you could see light in front of you. Tempting you, encouraging you to come closer, that your almost there. 

You picked up the pace, even though your body burned. Telling you that you couldn’t take it anymore. Yet you ignored the pain. 

You could see through the cloudy light that something colorful was up ahead. It wasn’t like any of the colors that the Victoria Punk wore. Instead, they seemed more lively. More friendly. Still, looks could be deceiving. Although, you would take anything over the ship you’ve been stuck on for the past year. 

When your feet hit the sandy beaches, you feel yourself crying even harder. Instead of fear, it was hope. You took a look at the ship, and once again, you’ve never seen such a unique ship. It was the complete opposite of the Victoria Punk. Instead of a skull, it had a cute little lion. It seemed just as big as the Victoria, if not maybe a bit bigger. Then again, you’ve only seen the outside twice.

The ship was out a bit, but it looked like it was still in shallow water. The anchor was down, so it looked like they weren’t moving anytime soon. That would give you enough time to swim over and scale up the side of the ship. If you could run along mud, sharp sticks, and rocks, you could definitely scale a boat. 

The water was cold when you first entered it. It made you shiver harshly, but you pushed through it. The salty water managed to clean off some of the mud that had stuck to your clothes. It felt refreshing when you dipped your head underwater for a second so you could feel the dirt on your face wash away too. 

When you did reach the ship, your feet still touched the ground, thankfully. It wasn’t that deep to your luck.  There were windows you could grab onto, but they were higher up than you could confidently grab. The only thing that would give you leverage was the barnacles that stuck to the lower side of the ship. You go to grab one, and only then did you feel how sharp they were. Biting your lip, you take a deep breath before actively grabbing onto the barnacles. 

Climbing the first few feet seemed torturous. You could feel them dig deep into your skin. They did end up leaving cuts that had you bleeding, but you were so close now, you weren’t gonna give up now. 

When you managed to grab the window and get a good grip, you let out a sigh of relief. With shaky arms, you pull yourself up. You swing your leg over the wall of the ship, and when you feel your feet touch the grass of the ship-

Grass?

Looking down, you see healthy green grass all across the deck. You can feel the grass brush against your feet. The small cuts on the bottom of your feet from the barnacles left small patches of blood on the grass. You’d have to look down on the grass for a few seconds if you wanted to see it. Maybe the rain will wash it away. You’d hate to bleed all over the boat of the people who would be your saviors. 

Suddenly, You hear voices in the distance. Fear fills your being as you quickly look around to find someplace to hide. Your gut told you to go up the stairs to the first door, so you quickly did. Trying not to make as much noise as possible. Who the voices belonged to, you didn’t know. But you weren’t gonna take the chance that it was Kidd and his goons. 

When you entered the room, you saw it was a kitchen. Your eyes scanned across the room to find a better hiding spot in said kitchen. A cabinet under the sink caught your eye, and you quickly tried to hide under it. But when you were about to close the door, you saw your bloody footprints leading right to where you were. You tried to wipe all the bloody footprints you could reach, but when you heard the sound of the treading through water and a ramp dropping, you quickly ducked inside your hiding spot.

You finally had time to think after you closed the small door. Thoughts of your escape through the forest, thoughts of the hell you experienced, and the thoughts of the man that let you free.

“I’m putting you in charge of her, alright? If I see a single scratch on her, I’ll have your head on a stick!” The man holding the chain that your collar was connected only nodded at Kidd.

“I’d come with your princess, but we need supplies. Plus, you’ve been a good girl. I know by now you won’t run away, right?”

“I won’t run at all. I can’t wait to see you later.” You sent a forceful smile his way, and he sent his smug one back. He turned around and started walking towards the ship where other crew mates were. Only when he left your sight is when your heart calmed down.

It was humiliating. Being chained up like this in public. You would’ve rather crawled in a hole and die then deal with the constant eyes staring at you. Nothing in this town made it worth the stares.

This town was known for having some of the best sweets, and Kidd thought that after so long of you not making a fuss or trying anything, that you were trustworthy enough to go out of the ship. Of course, he still had someone go with you. Just in case someone were to take you away from him.

“Is there someplace you want to go?” The man next to you finally cut the silence. You look up at him, and you notice that you’ve never met him. He was on your right side, and he looked almost just as tall as Kidd.  His hair was much longer, and he had what you guessed to be tattoos all across his arms and some on his face. His voice was much calmer than Kidd’s, and it was a definitely needed breath of fresh air. 

“Can we just walk?” He nodded, and you both started walking in the direction of the town. Hopefully, you’ll never come to this island again after this.

“What's your name?” The least that he could do is tell you his name so you at least know who’s dragging you around like a dog.

“Heat. Yours?”

“(Y/N). I guess Kidd doesn’t talk about me. ”

“Have you been on the ship this whole time? I haven’t seen you at all.”

“I’ve just been stuck below deck in the smallest room for about 6 months before Kidd decided that I’d been good enough to be locked up in his bedroom.” Your voice felt light as you try to explain.

“So, was it you he was yelling at and not him just talking to himself? And this collar thing isn’t some twisted kink I got roped into?” Disbelief dripped from his words, and all you could do was nod as you looked forward. You didn’t want him to see you tearing up.

“Yeah, it was me he was screaming at. He used to get really violent with me before my skull cracked. After that, he hasn’t done anything violent towards me. The collar thing is just a way to show ownership and that he can have control over me.”

“How long have you been… stuck on the ship?”

“Rough guess would be a little over a year maybe? I lost track of the date so I don’t know what month, day or year it is. Hard to keep track in the dark.”

“I see.” A small silence hovered over the two of you as the both of you walked around town. You mostly looked at the ground but every once in a while, you'd look at the man next to you. He always seemed to be deep in thought. You were curious as to what could be going on in his head but you just minded your own. This was your first time in the sun in so long, and you just wanted to soak it up as much as you could before you were stuck in the dark again.

The two of you turn a corner which leads you to the back alley of the town. On the other side of you was a forest that seemed so calm. It made you sad, so you tried to ignore it and go back into the sun, but of course, with your luck, you see the sun getting blocked by obvious rain clouds. You let out a few swears before continuing to walk, only to be stopped when you see Heat stopping in his tracks. Turning around, you give him a questioning look. 

“Come here.” Your heart beat rapidly at his request. Did you do something wrong? Was he gonna tell Kidd something? In fear of the following, you just did what he said and looked up at him. You see his hand move to the side of your collar, and you hear the sound of the chain unhooking, making your eyes widen.

Your hands immediately go to feel around your neck. The collar was still there, but the chain that was once hooked to you was gone. 

“Run. I don’t wanna see you back on the ship, do you understand?” Tears started pouring down your cheeks, and all you could do was look up at the man before wrapping him in a crushing hold.

“Thank you…thank you so much.” Your voice was barely a whisper before you took off into the forest. With your heart beating louder than ever, the sound of crunching leaves never registered. You move your gaze back to Heat for a second, and you see him standing in the same place you left him. Looking at the tree line before throwing the chain in the garbage and walking back towards the way you came.

You didn’t know what would happen to him when Kidd saw you were gone, but you only hoped that the man who saved you would be spared. 

With that thought heavy in your mind, you made sure that you weren’t gonna let his sacrifice be in vain.

Your mind was pulled out from your memories when you heard footsteps coming up the stairs, even through the rain. It felt like your heart jumped out of your chest when you heard the door to the kitchen open. You could feel your breath hitch.

“Sanji wouldn’t mind if I got a snack-AHHHHH!” The voice of what you assumed to be on the younger variety let out a wail after entering the kitchen. They must have seen the bloody footprints. They weren’t really hard to miss in the first place, then again.

“What the hell are you screaming about?” A deeper male voice rang through the kitchen, and that only made you cover your mouth, praying they didn’t hear your heavy breathing. More footsteps run up, and they slowly enter the kitchen.

“Is that blood?!”

“Why is there blood in my kitchen?!”

“It leads to that cabinet.” The monotone voice of a woman strikes fear inside you. Why did they have to find you so fast? How could you have been so unlucky?

The sound of footsteps coming closer to the small door made tears fall down your eyes. They weren’t even out to sea yet and they found you. Stupid barnacles and their sharp points. 

You feel your body freeze when your met with the face of a woman with beautiful blue eyes. Her blank face only made you cry harder.

“It's a woman. It seems both her hands and feet seem to be bleeding.” You try scooting closer to the back of the cabinet even though you only moved seemingly an inch. The faces of multiple people soon come into your view, and you’ve never felt so overwhelmed since the day you were captured.

“What are you doing on my ship?!” A man with jet-black hair and a straw hat pushes his way through everyone to get closer to your face.

You try to talk but all that came out were hard sobs. The sound of your voice cracking wile crying probably sounded like a whole other language. You couldn’t even see their faces anymore as the tears made your vision to blurry.

“Luffy! It’s obvious she’s hurt and scared! Be nice to a woman in need!” A man with blond hair violently kicked the man who just yelled at you. 

“We’re not gonna hurt you, your safe to come out.” From your blurry vision, you can see everyone backing up to give you room to come out. Taking a few breaths, you gently move your body out of the cabinet. You try to put your feet down to stand up, but it seems the adrenaline finally wore off. A sharp pain made you whimper and just continue sitting on the ground in the kitchen.

“I’m a doctor, so I can help you!” Wiping the tears from your eyes, you let a shaky smile spread across your face. 

~~~

The sun finally came back outside after what seemed like hours of you running through it. It felt so nice to be able to stand outside with the fear of being dragged back into the dark. The crew mates of the ship were kind enough to patch you up and let you hitch a ride to the next island they were docking at. 

You did tell them the basis of your story. Not all the gory details but enough. The little doctor named Chopper gave you some tips and scar cream to try and get rid of the scar on your ankle. He said he was going to look at the raw skin on your neck once you managed to get it off, which led to where you are now. Standing on the back of the ship, watching it slowly drift away from the island and waiting for the swordsman to cut it off.

“Okay, don’t move, or I’ll cut your head off.”

“That's not something you say to a woman, moss head!”  

“Just cut it off and stop arguing! God, your both children!” 

SHLINK

The sound of metal crashing to the ground had your legs feeling weak. For the first time in months, you finally feel like you can fully breathe. The sensation of air hitting the raw skin had your heart beating fast. 

You look down at the broken metal that laid in two pieces in front of your feet. Big globs of tears fall from your face and make a puddle on the ground. 

“Thank you! I cannot thank you enough!” You trap the green-haired man in a crushing hold as you repeat your thanks. Grabbing the metal scraps, you run towards the back railing, and with all your strength, you throw it off the ship. The sight of it barely making it to fall on the sandy beach let you know that after all the hell you’ve experienced, you were finally going to be okay. Soon enough, the waves would take the metal and drag it to the depths.

“Alright, everyone! We’re on our way to the Sabaody Archipelago!” All the crewmates aboard the ship celebrated the new chapter they were about to open. You couldn’t help but celebrate along, as this would also be a new chapter for you-

“(Y/N)!” Your heart stops at the sound of a familiar scream. Turning around, you see the devil himself running out of the woods. The broken collar in his hand. You feel your heart drop thinking about that if you hadn’t gotten that cut off sooner, that would have been you in his grip.

The celebration of the crewmates left your mind as you see Kidd running towards the ship your on, only to be stopped by the salty water that protected it. You were far enough to that if he tried to get in the water, he’d definitely drown for sure. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t hear him.

Gripping the railing, even from so far away, you feel his haunting eyes staring at you. Your throat seems to go dry as you see more of his goons appear from the woods. To your relief somewhat, you see Heat still alive and walking. At least your savior wasn’t hurt.

Even so, you continued to look at Kidd, and you knew he was looking at you. It felt like getting rid of a life-threatening illness and seeing him grow farther and farther into the distance. It felt like you were healing.

“You can run and hide (Y/N), but you’ll always belong to me!”

Then again, illness comes back when your least expect it.

[duhragonball]

Diamond is Unbreakable Liveblog: JJBA Ch. 437-439

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. --Revelation 6:8

All right, so we finally made it to the end of Part 4. I've just gotta cover these last three chapters, and I guess they'll be about how the good guys totally blew it, because Kira just won and he's free to resume murdering people and doing unspeakable things to women's severed hands.

Or, maybe not. Bites the Dust was supposed to throw Kira back in time to about an hour ago, when he was on his way to work. But he doesn't recognize this street from his commute. Also, some birds just flew right through him, but it happened so fast that he didn't realize what was happening. He just thought they got really close.

But his clothes and body have been restored to their pristine condition. How else could that be, unless Bites the Dust undid the past hour of time? Well, the thing is, Kira's watch is still busted from when Hayato used Stray Cat to shoot him with an air bullet. The watch took the hit because he had put it in his coat pocket after spilling hot coffee on his hand. The watch should be back to normal, along with the rest, right? Right?

Wait, here comes someone to help explain this.

It's Reimi Sugimoto, and this must be the Ghost Alley, or whatever they call it. Kira doesn't remember her at first, but he murdered her fifteen years ago. He thinks she's another Stand User trying to mess with him, but she assures him she had nothing to do with this, and it's not a Stand power he's dealing with now.

Kira still doesn't get it, so Reimi puts her hand through him. You're dead, idiot. Reimi asks him if he remembers now how he died. Let's have us a little flashback.

Right this is where Jotaro told Koichi to hustle those buns. I remember that part okay. Kira was surrounded by good guy Stand Users, EMTs, and spider-eating manga artists. His only hope of escape was to activate Bites the Dust. The good guys could stop him, but they'd have to get closer to do it. Also, Jotaro really wants McDonalds for breakfast, so they've gotta get this wrapped up before they change to the lunch menu.

But they didn't make it, right? I read the last chapter, and Kira clearly activated Bites the Dust and went back in time, right?

Well, no, what really happened was TOP GUYS doing TOP GUY things. Koichi has a longer range than the others, so he used Echoes to weight down Kira's hand. This kept him from triggering Bites the Dust long enough for Jotaro to step in with Star Platinum's time stop.

As much as I like these two in Part 4, I always found it strange how Jotaro's the one to land the final blows on Kira. Josuke's the main character, after all, but he did more than his share of the work. It's because of Josuke that Kira's so badly hurt that he has to resort to Bites the Dust in the first place. And Josuke can't close the distance in time because he's too badly wounded from fighting Kira earlier.

Ultimately, this is another case of each major character contributing their own little bit to Kira's defeat. Hayato and Rohan did a bunch of legwork to discover his identity, Reimi connected the dots in Rohan's reasearch, Okuyasu made the decision to leave his brother and return to life in Morioh to stop Stray Cat, etc. Koichi's role is to hold Kira still long enough for Jotaro to beat the tar out of him.

It's a collaborative effort, more so than what we saw in Parts 1-3, where the supporting cast's main purpose was to build the main character into a hero capable of standing up to the villain. The supporting cast does help Josuke develop in Part 4, but they do a little more than that as well. And in the end, Kira got the shit punched out of him, so it doesn't really matter who got the last punch in.

So that's what really happened. Kira's so dazed from the beating that he imagines himself triggering Bites the Dust, which is why he thought he'd actually succeeded earlier. But in reality, he just lay there in a quivering heap, trying to move his broken thumb.

Wait, Reimi said he was dead. If Jotaro didn't kill him, who did?

STAND NAME: ⸢MOVE BITCH⸥

STAND MASTER: AMBULANCE-CHAN

Yeah, so this detail didn't come across as well in the anime, because everyone talked so much after Jotaro finished stopping time. In the manga, from everyone else's perspective, Kira suddenly flung himself several feet down the street, and it happened so quickly that the ambulance driver didn't see it happening. He checked his mirrors before backing up, but he didnt' think the view would change that drastically in less than a second.

This is all rather anticlimactic, but as Rohan observes, this is just as well, since they would have had to figure out what to do with Kira after they caught him. It occurred to me that they could throw him in Superfly's transmission tower to contain Kira, but the owner of the tower wants to live there now, so he probably wouldn't appreciate having a murderous roommate with explosion powers.

One other idea I came up with was cutting off Kira's hands, so he can't activate any of his bomb powers. At the very least, they should be able to convict him for the murder of Reimi Sugimoto, since he killed her before he got the Stand powers to erase the evidence. Failing that, maybe they could have the Speedwagon "disappear" Kira and lock him up next to Santana. Hell, just feed Kira to Santana. He's been a model prisoner.

Seriously though, this may have been the simplest solution, but Hayato isn't satisfied because he wanted Kira to actually answer for his crimes. I get what he's saying, because Kira's whole deal was to enjoy a quiet, peaceful life that just so happened to include murdering women whenever he wanted. Death never seemed to worry Kira much, probably because he saw it as an inevitability. But what did worry him was living with the knowledge that his "peaceful" routines would be interrupted by the authorities. Kira seemed to get a special joy out of knowing that no one could find him, and that Hayato couldn't reveal what he knew.

The worst thing Kira could experience wouldn't be getting run over by an ambulance, but having to sit in a courtroom and watch a jury hear testimony about his past crimes. I think Hayato was hoping to watch him squirm, but now that's simply impossible.

And yet, on the next page, we see Kira screaming as Reimi forces him to recall his own death. Suddenly his wounds return. Well, not the wounds Ambulance-Chan gave him. That would be pretty gross.

Reimi reveals that she was the girl he murdered fifteen years ago, and shows him the stab wounds he gave her. Suddenly, Kira starts to piece this together. Why would Reimi haunt this alley for all these years and wait for him to show up? Then he recalls his Ghost Dad telling him about this alley way, and warning him to never turn around and look back. Ghost Dad also said there was a woman's ghost here. Well, Reimi's only sixteen, but I can see where an old man ghost like Yoshihiro wouldn't notice or care.

So Kira figures out that Reimi had this whole revenge plot figured out. She was going to wait for Kira to die, then show him her wounds in the hopes that he would turn away in disgust and get dragged away by... something. Kira turns the tables on her by forcing her to turn around instead. As he does this, he reverts back to his original appearance before he assumed Kokasu Kawajiri's identity. His wounds go away too, so maybe this is meant to show he's acclimating to being a ghost.

Kira even contemplates living in the alley from now on. I guess he really isn't too fussed about dying. Considering how his dad continued on as a ghost, I guess he would have a unique perspective on it.

But Reimi suddenly points out that they've had fifteen years to plan out this whole scenario. Did Kira really think they wouldn't be prepared for him to try a stunt like this. She keeps saying "we" and Kira's like "Who's we?"

It's Arnold, bitch! He jumps in like Batman and chomps down on Kira's hand! Good job, boy! Kira falls over and looks up at them, and he just happens to be facing the wrong way, so...

I looked up the scenes in "Ghost" (1990), where the bad guys get killed, and Patrick Swayze has to tell them they're ghosts like him now. Then shadows rise up and drag each bad guy to hell. It's pretty scary, even 35 years later. I'm pretty sure the movie inspired this concept in Part 4, except Araki had to have a rule about looking back on a certain part of the ghost alley, as opposed to evil ghosts getting dragged to hell immediately.

Otherwise, the only difference is that it's hands carrying Kira away, instead of shadows. But considering Kira's fetish, and Araki's baseline penchant for characters losing their hands, I think it's quite fitting. Kira tries to defend himself with Killer Queen, but it can't do anything. As the hands rip him apart, Kira asks where he'll be taken, and Reimi admits she doesn't know, but she's sure he won't find any sort of peace.

With that business settled, Reimi pets Arnold. Awww, he's getting his ears and chin rubbed. Such a good boy! Now, at long last, they can finally proceed to the afterlife.

Arnold is conflicted, because he was hoping to stick around a little longer. The others were going to get McDonalds for breakfast, and Arnold was hoping he could get the last bite of someone's Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit. Reimi isn't sure they made it in time, since they change to the lunch menu at 11am.

Just kidding! Once they got Josuke patched up and those wooden sticks taken out of him, they hustled those buns and made it to McDonalds right in the nick of time. And they got a whole breakfast sandwich just for Arnold, because he was so brave and cool biting off Kira's hand.

Rohan didn't get anything, because he kept demanding a "Spider McMuffin" and the manager told him he had to leave. Yare yare daze.

Meanwhile, Ambulance-Chan continues to patrol the streets of Morioh, in search of other dirtbags that need to face the vulcanized justice of her rear tires. A silent guardian. A watchful protector. A dark knight.

Well, Ambulance-Chan is white, not dark, and the siren gets pretty noisy. I guess that doesn't work.

Soon enough, it's time for Reimi to leave the living world, and everyone comes over to see her off. All the cool guys come down this street from this direction. We got your JoJo's your Top Guys, your Invisible Babies, you can't miss with this crew.

All the butthole characters come down this street. Well, Tonio's cool, but he didn't do a whole lot. Otherwise you've got Guilt Trip Man, attempted rapist, psycho girlfriend, It-Doesn't-Matter-If-He's-An-Alien-Or-Not-If-He-Never-Does-Anything-With-It, Nutrient Fiend, and Spider-Mutilator.

I feel like Reimi doesn't know half of these guys. Everyone says their goodbyes and Rohan pretends like he doesn't care, but Koichi gives him a dirty look and he admits that he'll miss Reimi. That's about all the emotional growth Rohan gets out of Part 4.

Meanwhile, at the Kawajiri house. Man, this really sucks. It's bad enough that Kosaku got murdered but Shinobu doesn't even know it happened, and Hayato can never explain it to her. She just thinks he's working late, so she tells Hayato to eat first and she'll wait for him to get home.

Eventually, Kosaku will be missing long enough for Shinobu to realize he's dead, though she still won't understand when or how or why. Until then, Hayato says he'll wait for dad to come home too. So when Shinobu finally does decide to stop waiting for him, they'll eat together at least. That's all he can do for her now.

This is a really beautiful scene here. This family barely got along when we first met them, but now they're pulling together. It's sad and painful, but I like how Shinobu notices that Hayato has gotten a little taller. For all that he's endured, he's grown from this experience, and he can look after his mom from here. He's going to have to.

Once, I saw something about fans shipping Shinobu with Josuke's mom, since they're both single and why not. And I like that idea, but it's also really more of a matter of pairing characters off to tie up loose ends. Shinobu has needs, but not the kind that can be satisfied with a romantic relationship. Later down the line, maybe.

Finally, Joseph and Jotaro take a boat back to the U.S. I thought Jotaro was living in Japan, during the 90's, but who knows?

Anyway, Joseph assures Jotaro that their work here is finished. If trouble arises in Morioh again, the people of the town will rise to the challenge, just as they did against Kira. He speaks of a "golden spirit" among Josuke and his friends, much the same as what he saw among the Stardust Crusaders. More importantly, that golden spirit will course into others without even trying, across adventures, across generations.

And I like that, because to me that's the whole thesis of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. There's a noble quality among the heroes in the story, a quality that sometimes spreads to others. Like when Jonathan inspired Speedwagon, and Speedwagon started his Foundation. This is Joseph's third run in this series, so he's had 80 years to see this principle play out. This franchise doesn't need a single protagonist, just the "golden spirit" that all of the protagonists share in common.

Then Josuke shows up and steals Joseph's wallet. Well, the joke's on him. Joseph agreed not to visit Josuke's mom, but if he was true to his word, he wouldn't have fooled around with her the first time around. He probably saw her behind his back and left him a little brother.

Then we have the epilogue page. Okuyasu took care of Stray Cat, who seems to get along well with his dad. Joseph adopted the Invisible Baby, and caring for her seems to have improved his senility. Jotaro wrote his doctorate thesis on a starfish he found while he was in town. It's weird how this one caption pretty much single-handedly established Jotaro as a marine biologist.

And yeah, this is the last page. We're done.

I'm not sure what to say here. Well, I've done it. I have now read the Parts 1-8 manga in their entirety. That's been a goal of mine for a long time, and this page was the last one.

I still want to liveblog Parts 6 and 7, and one of these days I need to check out that pesky Part 9 that popped up a few years ago. But these are lower priorities for me.

Reading Part 4 has given me a new respect for the work, but at the same time, I find myself feeling mostly the same way about it as my least favorite JoJo Part. There's a lot of arcs that just don't work for me.

I'm reluctant to call them "filler arcs", because many of them do advance the story. I'd love to say that you can just skip all the Rohan arcs for a better reading experience, but you need those arcs. One of them introduces Reimi and the quest to find her killer. Even the RPS-kid arc has Rohan explaining his plan to photograph commuters at the train station, which is instrumental in discovering Kira's identity. Those arcs are bad because of Rohan's involvement, but you still need them.

I was kind of hoping I would read these again and find a new appreciation for Rohan, or Superfly, or Red Hot Chili Pepper, but not really. They just sort of show up and provide atmosphere and don't really improve the story at all.

That said, I can understand the appeal of Part 4. Morioh is like the home city for Stand Users. It's a lighter, fluffier story compared to the grim world-ending menaces faced in Parts 1-3. Only a few characters die in Part 4, and they're characters we only met in the arc before they get killed. Shigechi and Aya Tsuji barely get a chance to settle in before they're dead. So Part 4 is a very comforting JoJo Part compared to some of the others.

But to me, the other Parts have similar senses of community, but with the added appeal of some other concept to carry the plot along. Part 3 has the campaign against Dio. Part 5 has the civil war among Passione. Part 6 is set in a prison. Part 7 has a cross-country race. Part 8 is set in another Morioh, but the characters and plot all tie in much more seamlessly.

Part 4 has a lot of stuff I like: Josuke, Joseph, Jotaro, Koichi, and Kira, just to name a few. And yet somehow the story keeps veering away from those guys to focus on some rando like Kobayashi or Rock-Paper-Scissors kid. If you like enough stuff in Part 4, you probably won't mind that too much, but for me it just feels like the story can't keep its eye on the ball.

But I've already spent a whole month explaining this, so there's not much point in running through it again. Diamond is Unbreakable is done. Time to move on.

[hotchfiles]

second. damn your love.

pairing: james x fem!reader.

content warnings: james being kind of an ass, cheating on lily, lily will be probably shit talked (i luv her i'm very sorry !), mistress!reader, uhhh cursing, not totally AU but like... canon divergent i would say. probably hurt/no comfort unless i switch the ending but--

worth mentioning: reader insert with no use of names or “y/n”. paragraphs completely in italic are flashbacks. pro quidditch player!james. muggle born!reader.

word count: 2,2k

chapter 2

      For some reason unknown to you, it hadn't taken James as long as usual to give you any sign that he still remembered your existence after being with you. Surprisingly, on the same day after dropping you off at home and rushing to be with his girlfriend, he sent you a message through his patronus (much too recklessly as you lived in a majorly muggle neighbourhood), apologizing for what had happened.

      Normally, you would believe his words, and then become disappointed. However, after what happened, you didn't believe anything he said, you knew he wasn't sorry and you knew you probably wouldn't be seeing him for a while.

      All you felt like doing was laying down, still feeling completely shaken, disappointed, angry... Betrayed, and it took you a while to stop crying, you couldn't believe how easy it was to manipulate you, two days together and you actually started to think things were changing.

      Ingenuity or just the hard truth: It was easier to let yourself believe it.

      Luckily, or not, you still had your commitment to your responsibilities, if not your pride, you would try to maintain that instead, so the best decision was to get yourself together as best as you could the next day and go to work.

      Even though you lived mostly among muggles, a decision you had made long before graduating Hogwarts, you still ended up in a Ministry job, an obliviator. Not the most glamorous, and a lot of times you thought about getting a muggle job, but years went on and you got comfortable with it. Sometimes being able to forget is the best option there is.

      So got yourself together you did, the best as you could included showing up office ready and giving off the obvious energy that you did not want to be perturbed, especially after taking the tube half an hour later than you normally would, too loud, too full, it was probably one of the few times over the last years you wished you could just apparate in front of the right phone cabin. But an obliviator risking wizarding secrecy would be too much of an hypocrisy.

      You made sure you wouldn't be making any field work, taking the liberty to be shut in your office filling paperwork and crying, as any mature woman would if they were in your shoes: Exhausted from hating yourself because you knew you were an excellent witch, a strong-willed independent woman and still, every time James Potter smiled at you, you felt nothing but weakness.

      And there it was, the weakness as soon as you left the Ministry building and felt his gaze upon you, simply leaning against the wall, his arms crossed, his face completely relaxed.

      Your hands went straight to your eyes, reminding yourself of their appearance, you looked up at the sky for a few seconds and wondered if there was a god, because it didn't matter how much you begged either Merlin or Godric, you still didn't get one single moment of peace.

      "Were you crying?" he asked straight away, without even explaining why he was there. You shook your head denying it and found refuge for eyes on your feet. "You're a terrible liar."

      "I don't think you know me that well anymore," you sighed and tried your best to look at him firmly. "No car today?"

      "I don't indulge on those very often, apparition is still a thing, you know?" You tried your very best not to roll your eyes at the arrogance he displayed, favoring instead the idea that he had the car for the weekend to please you. "You ignored my patronus, I feel like you probably didn't even check your mail, my poor owl working over time for nothing, and you're the only witch I know who doesn't have a bloody fireplace. Kinda got worried that you were mad at me." His lips formed the pout you knew so well, and you had to bite you lips to prevent yourself from smiling.

      "Not having the fireplace goes hand in hand with the anti-apparition charm on my apartment." You shrugged, it was a way to avoid unwanted guests, so he pretended to be the upmost offended by that. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to concentrate on the reasons why you were angry with him. "We need to talk."

      "We can do that in your apartment. Let's talk there." He nodded, and you agreed. It wasn't something to discuss so close to where you worked, for sure. He offered his arm so you would apparate together and you ignored it completely, stretching your arm to the street to get a minicab to stop for you both.

      "I'm not risking magic exposure and being fired because you rarely indulge on cars, Potter." Weirdly enough he doesn't try to convince you otherwise, getting on the backseat with you.

      On the way he told you he had been waiting for you for at least forty minutes, which you weren't sure was even true, but on any other day you would've swooned over, but his true intentions showing up came to light so quickly, you couldn't. James kept touching your thigh with his right hand slowly, teasingly, and a pantsuit was never as helpful as then, because of it you could ignore his touches or at least pretend to ignore it.

      Despite the touches, James maintained a casual conversation with you, talking about trivialities from his day, like forgetting to take his vitamin supplement in the morning and running less that afternoon so he could get home in time to take a shower and pick you up. At least that was the term he used, even though you were in a cab.

      You enjoyed having conversations like that with him, knowing how his day had been and how he felt about the team, the training sessions... It brought a sense of normality, as if you were just an ordinary couple talking about everything or just friends talking about your lives. But at that moment, you couldn't enjoy it the way you normally would due to what still lingered on your mind from the previous night, not to mention the fact that the words coming out of his mouth sounded innocent, but his eyes and hands overflowed with nothing but.

      You felt like you were under torture, the rational part of your brain competing with your emotional part, which was shaken by any touch from James, any scraps of attention. You even felt relief when you arrived at your building, especially because there were other people in the elevator, preventing him from grabbing you there and making you forget everything you so wanted to tell him. But it didn't last long. As soon as you reached your floor, you were grabbed from behind, his hands firm on your waist while his lips roamed your neck.

      "James, we need to talk," you repeated what said before, freeing yourself from his arms and walking towards the door. You unlocked it with a silent charm and left the door open for him to enter next.

      "Talk about what?" You heard the question, but his tone showed no interest in talking. In fact, he pulls you by the arm and pushes you against the nearest wall, trapping you with his arms. you lost your breath for a few seconds due to the proximity. "We can talk later," James whispers in your ear, brushing his lips softly against yours, one of his hands touching your waist under your blouse. You almost lose it, but finds the strength to get out of his embrace and leave to the kitchen.

      "I want to talk about us," you said seriously, resolute in your decision to give him an ultimatum, tired of being the mistress, but you couldn't deny that after his teasing, you just wanted to wrap your legs around his waist and hear him say your name in between moans.

      "Brilliant, let's talk," James begins, slowly moving closer to you. "But we could just go to your room and enjoy our time in a more pleasurable way."

      You feel his hands again grabbing you around the waist, and his lips brushed lightly against your ear as he detailed all the other pleasurable things he could be doing to you.

      You give up, defeated, letting out a grunt and pulling him to you, starting a desperate kiss as he takes off your pantsuit and leads you stumbling back to your bed.

      It was late at night, almost two in the morning, when the noise woke you up, almost frightened as you had no idea what it could be at that time. your first instinct was to obviously grab your wand and go to the living room, ready to disarm or worse if it was an intruder, but you noticed that it someone knocking frantically on your door.

      "Who is it?" you asked loud and clear, assuming it was a stranger trying to pull some kind of scam, you've heard of cases like that happening around the muggle neighbourhoods, the knocking then stopped and you thought you had scared away whoever was there, but you were wrong.

      "It's me…" The voice was familiar, but you doubted it was who the voice reminded you of, so you waited for more before you decided or not to open it. "James." You froze and held you breath, but still denying mentally that it could be him.

      "James? Need to be more specific."

      "Don't remember me anymore?" It was him, surely. James Potter. You hadn't seen him since the turn of the previous year, but truthfully, you hadn't really spoken to him in years, you couldn't even imagine how in hell had he found your address. "Potter."

      "What you doing here?" You open the door, giving him the space he needed to enter and smelling the alcohol invading your apartment. "It's two in the morning."

      "Not sure…" He seemed a bit disoriented, obviously because of the alcohol, but he wasn't about to fall over drunk and you mentally thanked him for that. "Was in a pub having a few, but they closed…Kept thinking about you and here I am."

      A shiver ran through your whole body and you cussed yourself, it was pathetic how he could still cause such a thing so many years after your relationship, after your last kiss, unfortunately you had never really managed to forget him, but instead you hid him deep in your memories, that way you wouldn't have to deal with your true feelings for him when you saw each other at a mutual friend's house or anything of the sort.

      But still, you did to this day found yourself thinking about him at times, but that didn't help you understand why he would be there at such a time, or why he would be thinking about you when in fact the only reason you had left his life was because of him, because if he wasn't such a dick, you might still be in a relationship today, or at least be best friends like you used to be.

      "Know what…" Even though you haven't responded to anything he's said before, he sits down on your sofa awkwardly and you feel completely uncomfortable with the situation, crossing your arms, unable to move more than that. "I'm such a twat." James lets out a weak laugh of discontent. "Letting you go that day… Mum told me what happened, but I still didn't look for you." It was amazing how he could form sentences almost perfectly even though he stank of alcohol miles away.

      "James, what do you want?" you sigh, still not understanding anything that's going on. He simply gets up and walks towards you, making you instinctively move away until you reach the end of the line, one of the walls of the living room. "Potter?"

      "I want things between us to go back to normal." His perfume takes you over as he gets closer, replacing the smell of firewhiskey, and you try not to get dizzy. "Just want you." Panic is your first reaction as his lips come close to yours and you push him away.

      "You have a girlfriend." You look into his eyes, being as serious as possible without showing how tempted you were, making exaggerated gestures with your hands to show him how wrong it was.

      "Shh, forget it, just f'now. I'll fix it, swear I'll fix everything." You soften at his words and sigh, you're probably losing your mind but still you walk towards him with your arms open for a hug and he immediately finds himself taking the chance.

      "Missed you." Your voice nothing but a whisper and James nods in response, stroking your hair.

      The affectionate embrace evolves quickly into a quiet kiss that becomes more and more desperate and before you know it, you're both on the sofa, blending into one.

      You woke up the next day feeling partially satisfied, but guilt consumed you entirely, you had slept with a committed guy, what kind of woman were you? And not only that… What would James and you be from then on?

      "Bloody hell." And there you were, waking up after given in to James' charms again, just like the first time, just like every time after that, it was frustrating how much power he held over you, you couldn't take it anymore, you were done.

tag: @xcinnamonmalfoyx

[celestiall0tus]

Why did you find the ML special boring? I found it to be gripping and an emotional rollercoaster. I barely blinked the whole time so kind of surprised to hear you thought it was boring of all things :0 especially as aa writer. I would think it'd be a great character study for Marinette and full of angst possibilities

Alright, let's crack our knuckles and get serious about this as I break this down from a writer's perspective.

Let's get the biggest thing out of the way and that is the trauma that Marinette deals with. I get it. She tried to get Gabriel to see the light, she's trying to do right with her lies to Adrien, but it's all soured for me because it's all for Adrien. See, I have this thing about children, and yes, Marinette is a child to me, so willing to give up everything for a potential partner. Like, I get it. young love and all that BS, but it just takes me out of it. She is 14 fucking years old. There is absolutely no need for her to be sacrificing her life for a fucking boy. None whatsoever. And I get its supposed to be all romantic and "look how much she loves him that she's willing to die for him" Absolutely the fuck not.

I hate that shit with a fucking passion. It is the most toxic type of love out there. It's quite literally that yandere shit that is just... eh. However, I will say, if Marinette was older, an adult, I would tolerate it a little bit more, but as a teenager, I fucking hate that shit. All her decisions right now is because of Adrien. The lying, the attempts to get through to Gabriel, it was all for Adrien. She put herself in those lies just for a boy she may not even end up with in the long run.

As for the "angst" possibilities, I don't see any here that the fandom hasn't already done 100x times better. If anything, Adrien has way more angst possibiilities than Marinette ever could. His dad is dead, Ladybug lied to him about how it all went down, and his gf is Ladybug. Should he have a villain arc, it would be legendary. But we can't have nice things.

With that out of the way, the special was extremely boring leading up to the end of the world. It was just flashbacks, which, I get. They were catching up people who haven't kept up with the show, which can come at the detriment of those that do. Once we get to everything else, I dunno, I just didn't care. I don't care that she put herself in this situation all for a boy. I really, really don't.

The only part of the special that was remotely interesting was the mind games they tried to play with Lila. That was the only good part to me. It was a good build up to Lila being a smarter and more effective butterfly holder and villain than Gabriel could ever be.

Otherwise, I was bored to the point of falling asleep, which is a feat in and of itself as it takes a lot to make me fall asleep out of boredom, but this special accomplished it. I didn't care for the reminders leading back up to the special. I didn't care for the problems that Marinette caused for herself. I didn't care for any of it outside of the fighting, which has been a problem since season 4.

This has been a l0tus rant. Have a nice day.

[navsink]

to be gentle is a choice. | sukuna x sorcerer reader !

tw: typical sukuna things, arguments, violence, syringes, hospital setting, referenced/mentions of cannibalism (sukuna), tba.

If there was a god, I bet it would be smugly smirking down on me as if it was any better than I am.

To preface, today I went away into domain expansion with Uraume. bad fucking idea.

Uraume couldn't stop nagging about how I'm rotting from the inside with all this mushy love stuff. I almost feel like one of your kind, my Emperess, is this what you have to go through everyday? I hate the feeling yet enjoy it to an extent, it doesn't change my mind to what humans are. They're maggots who cling to every bit of nourshment and flesh trying to preserve their kind. As if I couldn't just snap my fingers and have them all pile up.

If that didn't make me barf, there's even more to discuss on, but I digress. I don't know what Uraume was trying to do, but of course I wasn't going to let that menial woman slide with that snarky mouth of hers. With a quick snap, I crossed my legs from the comfort of my bone adorned throne and twisted my fingers.

'Snap'

In a quick fraction of a second, she twitched and writhed under the influence of my cursed energy. The once sarcastic mouth turning paler by the second, and then another, and another... I missed just using my powers for fruitful things like this one. She whined and whined, the black robe and sandals dangled in the air, flailing around in a desperate attempt to fall down. The chuckle and contemptible mocks I hurled at her only proved to satisfy me more than this measly body I'm currently residing in. I let go of my fingers and leaned against the arm rest of my throne, thinking back on that day.

--flashback--

Kenjaku and Uraume were bickering on what 'D-day' was supposed to go all the while I devoured upon some delicious russian on a skewer. The domain expansion Uraume held for us presented the Shirahama coast to ourselves. She had pressed for a meeting, apparently to discuss on finally incarnating my body somewhere reliable.

"I've found a vessel for you, Master." Uraume announced, putting her hands together under her long sleeves.

"You have?" I've been uninterested in vessels lately, it's been nothing but substandard bodies that cannot stand a few punches and broken soul pacts.

"This one seems like it will last you for more than a year if you're tame with its body." I scoffed to her flat tone, though her serious countenance let on a hint of hope and excitement.

"It's not worth it then, what use can a body be to me if I can't use it how I want to?"

"I understand Master, but, I would like to remind you that we are trying to ambush the sorcerers. So discretion and prudence are a must for this."

"You think I don't know that? Continue. About this body."

"I've targeted a young male, around 25 years old, he's a recently graduated researcher at the Tokyo Jujutsu Tech and has great credibility with other curse users. We can gather a lot of intel--"

"Skip the trivial details Uraume, get to the point." I leaned back on the beach chair and waved off to her, disregarding any useless information.

"He has borrowed four of your fingers from the Tech's library, promising to study the seals and whatnot. He seems to be a compatible fit for our purposes. Coming from a line of monks and priestesses, he may endure around ten fingers at most."

"Ten huh?... Will he be able to take on more as time progresses?" My brow cocked to the side, and as I rubbed my chin, I turned to her.

"I think that will be for you to decide, Master. His lineage is pure and every information on him is promising, one might be even able to deduce that he has a slight tinge of cursed blood."

I can still recall the shit eating grin that was plastered onto my face, I had finally reached the jackpot out of many maggot looking duds. Of course, with inferior species nearby, it could only last but a second of my apparition in the domain.

"Elated news, partner! Congrats, now we're one of the same." Kenjaku exulted.

I dimmed out his words from my conscience and tuned out to my own, a simple wave of acknowledgment to shut him up being sent.

"Bring it on."

"Is it settled then? Has he ingested any fingers?"

"I'm afraid not, but if at your command, I'll make sure he ingests one tonight."

--present

Those were the words I uttered to Uraume the day I got into this body, the one that got me into your arms at the buzz of a simple 'Hello!'.

Y/n, you have a way with words don't you?

On the topic of Uraume, I'm one to lie, but when I say that servant makes a mean meal, it's because she does. My once peaceful lunch just had to be interrupted by those two's bitching when a shard of icecicle had to shoot right next to the stack of bones I was leaving behind. God, the glare I shot them, true definition of if looks could kill. My brows furrowed as my fingers twisted and slammed down to the ground. The two froze in place, a drop of cold sweat dripping down their heads. I glared at them and without more trouble, my fingers relaxed, falling to my side.

"Permission to speak lord." Uraume muttered

"Granted"

"I wanted to survey how the body is adjusting to your grand presence, have you encountered any problems yet?"

"Other than the humans calling me Ryosuke? I want to have them all beheaded."

"That would prove unwise lord." Her head bowed and her busy hands proved tired as I kept talking.

"Tell me something I do not know." I sighed and dropped my arms to the side.

"I am sorry to not be of help, could I take samples and examine your body sir?" Her hands held a syringe and a vial, and in her arms dangled a measuring tape which I quickly examined before grunting an answer.

"Granted."

Snap

I exited out of the domain, finding myself in a laboratory Uraume had secured for me. The white walls were coated with ancient scriptures and fun decorations. A few bones here and there just to my liking, as I kept admiring the room, Uraume examined my new body's blood with the same syring and vial.

"What are you looking for inside my blood really?"

"Signs of stress, rejection and of course any foreign cursed techniques, this is a jujutsu researcher after all, it would be surprising htere is no kind of trick here."

"Right you are U-" I bit my mouth as the syringe touched my vein, a feeling so clear that had even me straightening my back in a kind of fear.

"Sorry, I should have warned, that's leaving a bruise sometime in the day."

I shot her a bloodshot (no pun intended) look as she clinks the vial with her long nails, the clicking sound makking my face twitch.

"The results will be in a week, so busy yourself acting normal to your new peers and do not exert the body in any way." Uruame's monotone half commanded as she inserted the vial into a centrifuge.

I rubbed the inside of my arm tenderly as I walked out of the room, with little effort, my technique transported me back to Ryosuke's home.

I should start asimilating myself more with that name if I want to keep the body safe for now...

The air today was dense, I could tell a storm was about to cross paths with me as I crossed the street. The pungent city air was an offense to my ancient nose, how can anyone live in this place?

I slam the door open, the floor behind me dripping wet from the storm, the walk from home to the tech was pretty long. No wonder this Ryosuke's guy house is so broke, still as soon as I came in your head shot towards me.

"Good afternoon Ryo!" a chirp accompanied by your feathery voice. How is it that you maintain that in a place like this?

"Afternoon." I mumbled back as i shook off whatever droplets that still clinged to me. A slight palpitating vein on my forhead reminded me of my role today, to be human.

"How was your day? Any luck out there with information?" your tone soothed his annoyance as he relaxed his shoulders and looked at you directly.

"Tired...." I took a minute for a brief pause before trying to understand what you meant. "On what?" On instinct, his brow jumped up as he spoke.

"We all are, whenever students are on break, principal gives the heaviest loads of work doesn't he?" you took a candy from a little tray and unwrapped it with skill, and in a swift move, into your mouth it went. "On finding what the bindings of the fingers meant" you mumbled with your mouth full.

I shot a small nod of acknowledgment as I answer "Not really, there is no easy way to translate those to modern language. I feel like lighting it all on fire now that I think about it." I huffed in fake annoyance as I walked towards you, a slight pull against your mouth revealed a chuckle.

That chuckle, you let out a chuckle as soon as I spoke that, god I could never forget my exact words today, you just happened to smile. What is it about me that is so amusing to you? I don't know what I am supposed to say, so I thought that being a normal human I could just take the chance.

"Positive as ever Ryo, on the good side-" You hinted, that is before I interrupted. What good side is she even talking about?

"There is no good side." I interrupted as I stitch my brows together holding a staring contest with her.

"Shut up, let me speak" You chuckled with an eye roll. "We're going out for drinks, celebrating surviving your first few weeks here, basically that you're alive and no curse has tried to kill you yet!"

It seemed almost moronic, to asume that I would let myself be defeated by some mere stupid curse. I rubbed my temples carefuly before decidding on what to answer. As you typed away on the computer, as the smoking doctor's secretary, I noticed the slight rash on your hand.

"Hasn't the school doctor checked that rash?"

"Don't concern yourself over this, instead tell me so I can call it off with the staff here. They all think you're very promising and kind researcher, all the others have been asses really." You blew away a stray hair as you kept on typing, barely looking at me anymore. That stupid lingering smile of yours. God can someone be as hard to read as you? What are you even thinking?

"Shoko has been pretty busy with the resurgence of a phenomenon where people start growing plants out of their bodies, pretty weird if you ask me." You added as the swift little fingers kept on moving from one key to the other.

Without warning my sight turned hazy and soon everything spun. I held my temples and tried facing you as best as I could.

"I zoned out, sorry, I can't believe the plant thing though-" i sighed and looked down, feeling like my whole body was shutting down. "I... Does Shoko have any pills for migraines?" Soon my equilibrium was turning like gelatin, feeling the whole rigidness of my body turn water in a matter of seconds.

"Ryosuke?" you called out but soon enough I felt my body crash down, I had never experienced this before.

--------

"25-year-old male, Ryosuke Ijichi—septicemia! He’s fainted in the ambulance. He’s febrile, tachypneic, and unresponsive!"

That's all I heard as I felt myslef being hauled from room to room, a bunch of Jujutsu medics swarming over me like some kind of anomaly. My eyes were stitched shut and movement was impossible.

"Temp’s at 39.7°C, respiratory rate 28 per minute—he’s in respiratory distress."

I tried moving and even swinging at one of the doctors as every possible hand was on me. My arm was burning and I could feel some kind of bump on the spot where Uraume had taken blood from.

"Get a liter of saline in—fast. We need to draw blood cultures, CBC, and get a lactate level ASAP. Start him on vancomycin and meropenem for broad-spectrum coverage."

All these doctors were talking over me, and I swear I could not comprehend for the thousand years of my life a single thing. An oxygen mask was placed over my mouth and soon enough I could feel myself doze off again.

"Heart rate 140, blood pressure’s tanking—85 over 50! He’s hypotensive and febrile!"

As I was dragged to a final room, I could feel two strong presences between me. A soft warm hand placed against my forehead and a strong hand that covered my throat.

"This is not your body is it?"

2k words.

~~~~~ A/N

Yoohoo! Heya there, I hope you enjoyed it after a long time of not hearing from this story. Sorry about it. Really. Plus thank chat gpt and my friend for the awesome medical terms and dialogue because I have close to 0 idea to what CBC or febrile is. Sorry that this wasn't really centered around romance, I tried setting the setting as best as I could I swear the next chapter is about fluff and comfort!!

As a preview and motivation to like yn is much better introduced in the next page and we get tension!

[callmeklair]

I read your post about Ayato overhype and I 200% agree with you and appreciate you for writing it. I also read that other person's Ayato analysis and I just gotta say that that cursed fig defense is so dumb. First off that shit wasn't a thing when More Blood came out. It's not mentioned or referenced even once in any route. Because why would it be? It wasn't even thought of when the first games came out. Second even if it were a thing and Ayato truly was cursed, then why doesn't he experience the effects of the curse in any routes apart from his More Blood one (and, according to this particular Ayato stan, Ruki's)? Why doesn't he go crazy from thirst in Kou's route? Or in Subaru's? Or in Shuu's? etc etc. Also, if the curse is truly that excrutiating and debilitating then shouldn't Ayato be a complete and utter mess in the other characters Dark Fate, Lost Eden etc. routes? But he's not. He's totally fine. Because the stupid curse isn't canon to the games and you can not and should not use it to explain or justify his awful behavior in Ruki's MB route.

I'm sorry this got kind of long but I just needed to get this off my chest because it bothers me so much when toxic Ayato stans insist he is oh so pure of heart, an innocent victim and that he unlike the other characters can't be held accountable for his abusive acts 😑

(feel free to vent out in my ask box I don't mind. and sorry for the late reply, life is hectic)

the curse thing is such a loop/plot hole because in more blood EVERY diaboy gets thirsty after starting to have feelings for Yui, so yeah that curse thing isn't canon. and exactly! if that's the case, why isn't ayato suffering from thirst in other's route. okay let's not include MB considering the argument "they weren't close enough" but by the DF, all Sakamaki and Mukami boys warmed up to Yui, so Ayato should be suffering from thirst/curse in other's route????

I liked ayato, but after youngblood when I saw some people(not targeting to anyone, and I'm not just talking about Tumblr), not liking other people shipping Yui with any other boy because "they are not canon" made me slowly detach from AyaYui. otherwise they were in my top 5 a few years ago.

youngblood was just a fanservice. it was good for Ayato fans but Rejet messed it up. first the curse thing then the degrading of Shu and Subaru's character by making them "betray" ayato. which irks me because we all have read flashback scenes of these two from the VERY FIRST GAME, and we are completely aware with how sweet and gentle they were in childhood.

In CL, in Shu's route, it was shown how much he deeply cares about his brothers despite not showing it. so does it go for Subaru in Carla's route. you hear it? not in his OWN route but Carla's route.

the only difference is, because of trauma they weren't sure how to express it and always doubted/hesitated to trust or show true feelings to each other because of what happened to them. they all went through different experiences.

Ayato is Ruki's rival, just like how Subaru is for Kou, and Shu for Yuma. Ayato just came to take away Yui as a prey. "his thirst wasn't controllable and was locked in a dungeon. it was definitely the curse."

the curse didn't even exist at that time. it was just Rejet's plot to progress Ruki's route because if we remember, Ruki asked Ayato, before he took away Yui, if he had feelings for her and ayato replied with, feelings??? that's nonsense, the only value she has is her blood. It was a scene of confirmation to make Ruki realise his feelings and stop thinking "Adam is what she needs and not a snake" so that he can finally betray Karlheinz for Yui and run away with her, free her from this hell.

in conclusion, we have seen every diaboy saying how unique and special Yui's blood is, also a very rare thing (i guess?) so because of instincts as a vampire, Ayato only wanted to find Yui to drink her special blood.

the curse thing can never be canon because everyone gets thirsty in their route, EVEN SHIN in his BRUTE ending in DF. so are they cursed too??? no they aren't 😭

some actions can never be justifiable, I'll even say that about my own fav characters like Shin, Subaru, Carla, Reiji, etc.

[cocktailjjrs]

So, Chapter 112 is out.

We don't exactly get much of explanation or distinction from S5 ending ep.

Mori, he really just glued in the fangs for FUN! What even is the Mafia! (Plus, Dazai Laughed!) We had old man Yaoi. I am not going to talk about it as we already know what went down there. We got Kunikida, Atsushi and Tanizaki. And Gogol man being sad (it broke my heart again to see his reaction). Ngl, even i would be sad if someone killed my Situationship But not Chuuya calling out that Situationship, lol (That was my exact reaction when a friend of mine told me she was in one and how it works) SKK bickering, still. And Fukuzawa being handed the greatest responsibility.

All in all, everything we had seen so far, only an added reaction here and there.

Next chapter will most likely also follow through the rest of the episode. But nothing much is left, so chances are that we may get new content. Or latest by April.

This all seems well and good, but I'm suddenly feeling anxious about how things are going to progress further.

I've said time and again, BSD takes 'it can't get worse than this' phase and just proves it wrong again and again. We reach new rock-bottoms every time.

So, things looking up now, gives me anxiety that something is going to go horribly wrong. (Cue the flashback of the 'Two hours later' bit)

All things that can horribly go wrong:

Everything with Soukoku at Meursault. I find it so weird that we are not getting detailed explanation of how things are proceeding there. We have seen Dazai and Fyodor play mind games for so many arcs now, there is always an explanation at the end of each one. But this doesn't have that 'satisfactory' level of explanation yet. Yes, Chuuya again came to Dazai's aid, but how? How did Dazai knew that the Vampires were turned in his favor. Would killing Fyodor (if he actually is dead) really be wise? How is he sure that it was Fyodor plan all along to get killed and he played right into it? You know when things are kept ambiguous, as most things related to Prison break arc are, it means there will be some facts that will come in light later. And that's what I'm scared of because it can be anything! It does not help that Dazai is yet to take that antidote! What if it doesn't work? What is Nikolai goes for revenge? Since he love's loosing himself and that's why he fought, so what if he continues? Can Chuuya's gravity manipulation even be effective against someone like Gogol? He can just go from one place to another, dodge all of Chuuya's attacks. We also know he can use his ability with Dazai as long as he isn't touching him. What is he takes the antidote form the case before Dazai can take it? That makes him such a kryptonite for Soukoku.

Then we have,

The Shin soukoku's battle against whatever that (Fukuchi) was. Two hours, if you think about it is not a long duration of time for things to start fucking up suddenly. There must be something already laid in waiting for it to start going shit when time comes. We are yet to get the details of how the Vampirism is going to wear off. Because it does, Akutagawa was back to normal when he was fighting with Atsushi. Sskk teaming up is well and good, but can they stand against that being? They had a hard time dealing with Fukuchi only a while ago, this enhanced being will be much tougher than them. What if this also is set for failure? only for the world to be purged into more chaos? Maybe i'm being a bit to pessimistic, but i've lost confidence in the mangaka's they always do the unexpected and kill everyone's favs, fr.

That also makes me think

Will taking on the role of Mankind's leader, lead to Fukuzawa on a deeper end? We know he struggled earlier, before founding agency, with his assassination work. He had refused to work in the war for a reason. Won't this be undoing everything he's worked for so many years? Also, taking in that honor from their government (or officials, i don't exactly remember what it was. I'm talking about the appreciation symbol of katana'?' they received at the beginning of S4) that basically led them to take on that case that declared them terrorists. Won't taking the role of Mankind's Leader also make Fukuzawa susceptible to be declared as the Mankind's Enemy? This seems similar to that previous situation. Reminds me of how Ranpo called this responsibility, or last wish, a curse. And Ranpo is always right, so there's that. Maybe that's how they are going to introduce the next adversaries?

Too much uncertainty and what-ifs.

[slapjacq]

there’s about to be a slew of thoughts coming from me for this very last episode probably over the next few days, but I’m gonna put them out as such.

For starters:

The funniest part about the ending of this episode was the fact that Louis’ response to everyone talking the most insane amount of shit was truly, in the most American response possible: aight bet pull up then pussy you won’t

A true man after my own heart

Like talk your shit Louis good for you man. I can’t lie wasn’t the smartest thing to do but at least he’s standing on business and I gotta respect that

Generally watching him just plow through the coven and let loose was actually incredible. Like yes girl you didn’t need to leave Paris, you needed to wrong all the mfs that wronged you. Sometimes you just need to open up a can of whoopass and by god did he do that. Santiago’s death was deeply satisfying. I’m happy my blue eyed pretty boy got to use the talents his mama gave him to really read a bitch to filth.

Watching him get back to his roots and rock that post divorce glow was everything, and as someone who has moved from a city to a much different place, the feeling of your city’s air is something that resonated with me so much. I saw someone’s post say something about that already, but I digress. His redecorating of his apartment in Dubai, his “bitch try my me I’m a new man” feel is truly incredible look on him, always and forever routing for Louis DPDL

On top of that Jacob’s work with Sam in the reunion scene is EVERYTHING

Speaking of Sam Reid:

“Siri pause” took me out. I think I was laughing on the floor for twenty minutes. 10/10 comedy gold. I adore Lestat in the modern world and can’t wait to see more of it.The scene in the shack moved me to tears. Lestat better be haunted by Claudia. It would almost be out of character for him not to be. Sam does such an incredible job really giving us Lestat’s guilt. The longing between them, the whole idea of actually seeing Lestat for the first time ever was genuinely wonderful.

Also his scenes in flashback to Paris post trial were also, and I mean dripping with Lestatian emotion.

A part that stuck out to me though, as satisfying as it was, even though I love my doe eyed gremlin, it almost sounded like Armand was regressing back into that scared little kid who was terrified of loosing everyone again, WHICH MIGHT BE A REASKN WHY he turned Daniel, but I’ll hop on my soapbox later about that. Anyways I’m not saying I feel total empathy for the fucker, but it was a little bit sad to hear what I would imagine how some of the conversations/negotiations went with Marius. Genuinely kind of sad but BABY GIRL YOU NEEDED THAT ASS WHOOPING. Like this is all of his fault and by god even though I’m loving every minute of watching his ass get handed to him, I do feel bad for him to an extent. New season wish for Armand: get a therapist, try being single for a decade or two. Like I can’t actually believe that this idiot deluded himself into thinking that the rebound/revenge relationship was gonna be eternal. Like bitch be for real. Idk. Hope my little puppy eyed freak gets his shit together.

DANIEL. MY MAN, MY DUDE. His questions, pulling Louis from the slowly whirring current of Armand’s manipulation was so fucking masterful and cheeky, like they really showed us first hand the reason as to why the man’s got two Pulitzer. And then his turning???? Like he really showed that twink how fucking fascinating he was within a month, ruined an 80 year marriage, and most likely fucked and was turned by the same dude he was out for blood for. No one is doing it like Daniel Molloy. I’m putting money down now that he looked through the paramours file off screen, and knew the advantage was his. I don’t think we’re gonna get a lot of information on that until season 3, but I’m putting it down now. Also shoutout Daniel, the new vampire, live your best life big dawg, do the crazy shit you’ve always wanted to do. The man almost had a post coital glow with the amount of swagger he carried compared to when he was a jaded human. Just generally, Eric fucking crushed it this season. This man is gonna have so much fun next season. Like idk what god or entity I have to bargain with to ensure Eric Bogosian actually lives forever because his characterization of Daniel is actually so spectacular.

This goes for everyone too by the way: EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE, knocked it out of the fucking park this season. Genuinely spectacular. I am going to continue to dickride this show so fucking hard in the coming future because all of this effort and all this show-stopping work should not only be seen by just a decently sized community of little freaks but by everyone because every single person on the cast and crew deserve nothing but love and recognition for what they have done with the franchise so far.

Also shout out Sam, we love to see a bad bitch escape with his life.

Can’t wait to see what bullshit he’s got going in 2026