#thinking about how they wouldn't have been able to have an actual cemetery

[sga-owns-my-soul]

thinking about the memorial site they would have on atlantis for all the lost members of the expedition

[97keanu]

Another imagine saga of Dave Lizewski x goth girlfriend!reader, this time for you finding out Dave is Kick Ass and subsequently the times you have to patch him up after particularly rough nights

CW: angsty, movie typical blood mentions

Read the first imagine here and the first fic (nsfw) here

Dave would be so careful as not to let you know he's Kick Ass, he knows that its a dangerous game he plays and he would never want to get you involved, even if he believes you could take the truth, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if something were to happen to you.

You really start to wonder when he keeps coming over with various cuts and bruises, however.

At first you think bullies at school did this, and you get extremely pissed, like Dave having to hold you back as you begin to think of a particular bully who may have done this and you're on the move to kick their ass as you two speak

As much as Dave finds your fury kinda sexy, he also can't have you beating up people who have nothing to do with this, so he keeps making up random stories like "oh I got mugged on my way home, I have no clue who did it." Or for more minor scrapes and bruises "you know me, I'm just so clumsy I ran into x y z"

Still, you're extremely suspicious and eventually you find his suit in his room and confront him

Dave can't explain, he's at an absolute loss for words and he ends up having to fess up.

At first, you're furious, you can't believe he would do something so reckless, you hate the idea that he would ever be in harms way and truthfully, from the sweet, kind, tender Dave you know you can't imagine him being a the badass Kick Ass is.

After a few long talks and Dave even demonstrating his swiftness and strength by pinning you to the bed in two seconds flat, your metal accessories clinking as he does so, you begin to believe him. + Don't forget to add a few forgiving kisses in which Dave messes up your black lipstick, but you don't mind.

Once you two have an understanding of the whole situation, it becomes a bit fun and sexy. You tease him about playing dress up and he teases you that your goth attire is just dress up for people who like bats and cemeteries. You can't argue with that.

You get into the idea of what your gothic superhero outfit would look like and even draw up a few examples and share them with Dave, he thinks its adorable but always gently tries to sway you from actually doing it, since he can't stand the idea of you being hurt

You give Dave some really good goth/metal/alternative hits for him to listen to while he works out, which he's been keeping up with lately as to not get his ass kicked as much while out patrolling.

You even convince him to paint his nails black, feigning that its NOT because you want him to match with yours, but because it will look/feel more badass when he's Kick Ass. (Dave knows that makes so sense since you can't even see his nails in his costume, but he digresses.)

Eventually, Dave does come by one night, particularly beat up after a bad mugging situation, and your heart sinks.

He comes in from your bedroom window, completely hurt and he doesn't know why but he came to your house first because he really just needed the comfort.

You immediately grab a first aid kit laying around your house (thank god you kept one on hand), and begin cleaning up his bloodied face and hands.

You feel strange because for so long your gothic interests have shown blood in movies, music, and online and you always thought it was so aesthetically pleasing and sometimes even romanized.

Its not, you can't even explain how horrible you feel, the pit in your stomach opening up when you see how hurt Dave is, even though he tries to say it doesn't hurt that much, it scares you.

After Dave is bandaged up, you take his costume off, and nearly toss it with anger on your bedroom floor somewhere, you don't care where, in fact you want it out of sight.

Dave can tell how much this upset you, and he keeps apologizing, and you don't even blame him, you know he does good, you know you could never ask him to change, this is just who he is.

But fuck, you just want Dave right now. Not Kick Ass. Not a superhero. Just plain old Dave, the nerdy shy boy you fell in love with. And you tell him just this. Dave understands, and pulls you close, telling you still how sorry he is for scaring you.

The two of you hold each other tight, Dave petting your back ratted hair softly, looking into your dark make-uped eyes and giving you kisses anywhere he can.

[zombiequeenblog]

When the Cardinal got the call about the attack on Mouse and the sibling, do you think he reacted sharply over the phone to whomever he spoke with, or cooly responded and waited until he hung up to go ballistic? I’m curious about his initial reaction to the news. 🫢

The Cardinal sat there, alone in an unfamiliar office, and thought about the changes so close at hand. It had been a long time coming, he supposed; the steadily ticking clock on the wall kept his toiling years in the forefront of his mind. All the bustle and the striving, the whole dogged pursuit of his own dark papacy, might actually be soon behind him. Copia relaxed back in his chair for a moment, admittedly irritated at the gentle ticking, but grateful nonetheless for this brief respite. The Ministry could be a tumultuous place, but for now, all was quiet, and he was ready. 

His door was open, and an assistant poked her head in. “My apologies, Your Eminence.. you have a phone call,” she said, gesturing towards the phone upon his current desk. He noticed a light blinking there. “Sister Imperator.”

Giving the girl a nod before she left, shutting the door behind her, he reached out for the receiver. “Pronto, eh… Hello?”

Sister’s voice a bit tinny over the antiquated line. “Cardinal. I trust you’re well?”

“Yes, Your Dark Excellency.” Imperator wouldn’t have called without a reason. “What’s this about?”

“I’m calling about the girl you’ve been tutoring.” The leather of his glove tightened more firmly around the receiver with an audible sound.

“What about her?” Imperator didn’t answer right away, and Copia felt a surge of something like a panic forming deep in his chest. “Sister—”

“Oh, she’s quite all right, Cardinal. Don’t worry, honestly.” Don’t worry…

“What—”

“She…” Her voice sounded pained, and he heard her take a little breath. “There was a fair bit of trouble up in the old cemetery today. Some kind of a transient was… bothering her and another girl. They’re a bit rattled, naturally… fought him off and ran. Nothing beyond a mere scuffle happened, they assured me, but…”

“I’ll be there shortly.” He could feel the blood rushing in his head, and he fought to remain calm.

“Your Eminence, you do understand what you’re meant to accomplish over there?”

“I do, Sister.” He let the weight of his decision hang for a moment. “I should be able to manage arriving back at the abbey… tomorrow at the latest.”

“The girl is perfectly fine here; a few abrasions… I only thought you’d like to know as a courtesy. Considering the time you’ve spent together.”

A few… abrasions. “Please expect me tomorrow, Sister. Thank you.”

“Cardinal.”

“Yes?” The word came out heavy with concealed rage.

“She is perhaps not perfectly fine. If I’m being honest with you.”

He hung up the receiver without another word, and he watched his hand shake, threatening to splinter the plastic. Taking a steely breath, he extricated his fingers from the thing, and then he methodically began to pack up his desk. As he worked, measured and silent beneath it, the soft and steady ticking of the clock on the wall threatened to drive him insane; a horrible reminder of how far he was from her. This was hell, truly; right here in the passionlessly beating heart of the Satanic Ministry. Copia gulped, fighting the hot fury rising inside him, the urge to retch out the pit of ice settling in his stomach. He wouldn't waste any time; he would not give in to his inner torment here. How was she faring with her own?

When he was done, he reached out for the phone again, his hand now steady.

“I want a car waiting for me downstairs. Ten minutes.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On his way down the hall to her room he bumped into Terzo, exiting his papal chambers.

“How is Mouse?” Copia queried, without thinking.

“Who?”

“The girl!” he snapped, ready to lose it.

“Shhh…” Terzo was carefully shutting his door, “Sophie’s still sleeping…”

“The other girl! I hear she’s injured? Why aren’t you with her?”

“I only have one dick, Cardinal.”

Copia pondered on how exactly his life would change if he snapped Terzo’s neck right there in the hall. 

Terzo chuckled for a second at his seething expression, before getting serious again. “She’s got a nasty scrape on her head, poor thing. I tucked her in earlier, no fucking involved, Cardinal… She’s resting, says she’s fine, but…” Terzo frowned further. “She’s quite shaken up, I believe, contrary to what she’ll tell you.”

Not bothering to converse any further, Copia continued on down the hall. When he finally reached the door to her dear little room he paused for a second, gathering his scattered thoughts. 

It was darkening inside, and he let his eyes adjust for a moment, though it was hardly needed. He knew the room well; how many times had he let himself in here, just to look upon her? How many times had he done much more than look? 

She lay on the bed, curled up in a fretful slumber, and the icy rage he had carried all the way here to lay at her feet began to melt at the piteous sight of her. His poor sweet Mouse! 

Reaching out, he arranged her blanket a bit more snugly around her, and he noticed then what she was clutching in her fingers; a swathe of red that left his swelling heart bleeding. He lay down beside her. 

He wanted to hold her close, desperately, but he would not yet allow himself that gift. She needed to sleep; she needed to be safe. She needed to be loved. And for all the ways he had failed her, he could at least do that, effortlessly and beyond severe. He would love her beyond his last breath, he thought, watching over her precious ones, her fragile chest rising and falling softly.

After some time, he noticed her begin to stir, and eventually she reached out for her light. 

“Dolce,” he said, gently. She whirled around, and the look in her dewy eyes at the sight of him made him want to weep. 

Finally, he held her. 

link to ao3

[lover-of-mine]

Yk, something about my Eddie fell first essay, I never really went like "oh this is something that could be proven right by canon" mostly because when I wrote that I was still dealing with buddie being a distant possibility not something that's so close I can taste, but then Ryan was let out of interview jail. Then I went full conspiracy theorist. (Please note everything from here on out is a conspiracy theory that will most likely never be confirmed or denied so I'll live in it forever) I had made the post about how I think Ryan is playing Eddie as in love with Buck, the question was whether he was being told to do that or he was just playing it up as much as they allowed him to because we know Ryan supports the ship, and then Ryan said the "this goes beyond friendship and I love you to the core" thing.

He said he talked to someone about what it meant for Eddie to do that, because he didn't understand it at first, and then that's the conclusion he reached. But the thing is, that line "I love you to the core" specifically means so much in the context of the season, to say I love you to Buck like that in season 4 is so MONUMENTAL, that I wanna believe one of the writers straight up told him "yo this is a love confession" and explained it to him like that, and he has been playing Eddie with that line in mind ever since, and that's why he had that locked and loaded for the interview. Because, like, I, in my most normal day, am out here arguing they casted Ryan with a plan, even more considering the way Eddie was written for Ryan, they could very much have told him "look, play with the chemistry you and Oliver have, if the audience likes with might amp it up, if we're lucky we might go there someday" because you have moments in season 2, but season 2 is still very low stakes, but then when I think about the the season 3 of it all, the there's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you, the lawsuit, and well of it all and the way they put Ryan in pr jail after Eddie begins, an episode that would retroactively be HUGE for buddie but it's pretty big for them anyway, I'm like 🤔 because we all saw Ryan talking about buddie this past month, the guy CANT SHUT UP, and if he was told something during season 3 or 4 along the line of "play it up, we are gonna fight to make this happen", putting him in pr jail would make sense, because they can't risk him saying something if they're not sure they can deliver, because how fast they dealt with Buck being bi while in a new network makes me convinced someone on fox was blocking it and nothing will convince me otherwise. But now they can, so they let Ryan run free. Because you can make a VERY strong argument that Eddie is aware of something during season 5 and 6, season 6 most of all, but you can very much make season 5 queer coded and have Eddie be like "oh I can't ignore how I feel about him anymore", because Ryan also said something about Eddie's breakdown and how that's what allowed Eddie to let Buck "know who Eddie truly is" which is interesting with the way Eddie is constructed, because if Buck is inside the last wall Eddie had up, what's actually stopping Eddie to see he's in love with Buck by the end of the season? Which would make season 6 as a pining season for Eddie make sense. Down to the way the cemetery seems to be pulling these very specific reactions from Eddie that are the same reactions we saw him have in breakups and flights with Shannon. But also things like Eddie's reaction to the lightning being something we never saw from Eddie before AND the way Oliver talked about a scene of Eddie losing his composure during in another life, not during in a flash that we didn't get to see most likely because they completely rearranged 6b because they thought they were gonna get cancelled, so they wouldn't be able to deliver what they had in mind. But now they have nothing but time, season 8 is already confirmed, and by the looks of it abc was like "go for it" with buddie in a way that fox never was, so they finally got to tell Ryan "we're doing it, go crazy" and now we are here. They could prove me right today. About Eddie not about Ryan knowing and some secret plan being in place forever. I don't think it's gonna happen. I seriously don't think it's gonna happen. I'd be more surprised to be proved right than wrong here. But the conspiracy theory is a possibility that felt very real for a second there during promo season lol

[littlespoonevan]

Hi, can I please ask for some of the essays about the cemetery talk and what we were supposed to take away from that scene? If you feel inclined, that is 💕

well i don't know if i can write an essay exactly bc tbh i still don't know for certain what we're supposed to take away from that scene. but i do know the tone of it was completely different to anything we've ever seen for buddie before and it also lasted so much longer than most of their scenes have before??? like i just went back to rewatch it to refresh my memory and it's 3 minutes???? that is an incredibly long scene for two characters to have in an ensemble show when they're literally just talking and it's not strictly moving the plot forward

but to try and break it down a bit:

i find it fascinating the way eddie reacts to buck talking about natalia. that weary, almost irritated, "really?" when buck admits he'd met up with her followed by the "dating somebody you rescued, you know what never ends well." it's So Different to the snarky way he used to react to taylor. like when he'd make comments about taylor you knew he was mostly joking or at worst, just being a little bitchy. but he sounds genuinely frustrated when buck brings up natalia. the closest thing i can compare it to is that it's a more muted version of "his fiance's abby" and we know eddie knew how deeply buck was affected by losing abby so it feels a bit like eddie is potentially annoyed bc he knows buck will probably get hurt again???

then you have buck saying the whole "i think she sees me" bit which echoes so much of buck's overarching storyline and his struggle with love in the past. and i know some people call this eddie's 'oh' moment but i definitely don't consider it an "oh i'm in love with him" moment. i feel like it's more of an "oh he doesn't see that i see him too" moment, if that makes sense?? and i think there probably is a bit of frustration with that for eddie given that the will scene is eddie as loudly and demonstratively as he can saying "i see you" y'know? nevermind all the little ways he proves he knows buck

and tbh i think my favourite part of the scene is actually the last 60 seconds because first you have eddie saying "you haven't been the same since it happened, but then again how could you be?" and it's just!!! 1) it's literally him proving he does see buck and probably knows him better than anyone else and 2) there's a very subtle hint of realisation in his voice when eddie says "how could you be" as if he's been convincing himself buck is fine this entire time (maybe post-couch nap) only for him to now realise buck really, really isn't.

tHEN he says "you don't have to be anything for anybody" and it might be my favourite words to ever come out of his mouth tbh because it's just once again emphasising the gentle way eddie lets buck be?????????? "i had to do it" "i know you did", "you knew i wouldn't" "i knew you wouldn't". eddie is So Good at offering buck a reprieve whenever he needs one and he's usually the person best able to break through all the noise in buck's head to make him understand that he's fine just existing as himself.

aND THEN eddie makes the comment about how going through near death experiences change a person and all i can think about is how after eddie's near death experience he made the decision to tell buck about his will after keeping it a secret for a year and how he never actually answered buck's question about why he kept it a secret in the first place and i have to ask, eddie diaz what changed in you???????????

combine all of that with the fact their outfits mirror what they wore in 5x14 and the absolute irony of eddie saying dating someone on a call never works out only for him to pursue marisol two eps later and just- i don't know if they pivoted bc there was a fear season 6 would be the end of the series or if the last few eps were always supposed to go the way they did but this scene in 6x15 raises so many questions and i feel like i don't have the answers to any of them skjahd

[connectionterminated13]

(Agony au) have Jeremy Charlie and Mike ever got into some shenanigans? Feel like they’d be the bunch to do so lol. Agony creature Mike, robot Charlie, and their normal human friend Jeremy

All of the shenanigans...

There's a lot of smaller more mundane shenanigans like Charlie and Jeremy coming up with reasons they desperately need to go to the hospital with Michael after some like horrible car crashed was broadcasted on the news, Charlie trying to tinker With her arm's again and like accidentally making it fall off so Mike has to spend the whole day trying to figure out how to reattach charlie's arm's as she's sitting there impatiently, All of them even Michael being in the middle of college And at least for Michael and Jerry having to hide the fact that they're not human.

There's a lot of bigger shenanigans like Mikey finding Ella at a garage sale who is the first other agony creature he's ever met that isn't his family. Charlie feels weird about it since that's like her doll (Or one that looks exactly like it) Jeremy just thinks that Michael should do his freaky absorption thing on the creature since according to Michael it isn't really sentient. Michael tries to talk to it, But after a while just gives up and instead of consuming it, he just sells it to a pawn shop. He doesn't tell Jeremy or Charlie about this he just makes it a lie about her running away. They wouldn't understand why he'd let something that could hurt people go. This little creature thing is the same as him. If the world was slightly different this thing could have became his sibling... And who knows maybe if he lets it out it can develop sentence and a life like he did doesn't it deserve that?

There's a lot of shenanigans trying to get Jeremy into College despite him being very very dead. Which they are able to do through a lot of forgery. Which means he gets to go to college with them which is awesome but he also has to use a fake name an illusion disk... Either way it's a very happy moment for everyone and There's lots of crying and hugging :3

Charlie likes to take Michael and Jeremy on trips with the rest of her friends a lot. Michael doesn't like doing that A lot but he knows Jeremy enjoys it so he goes for Jeremy. They have to plan out the routes in advance so they'll be close to a Hospital just in case Michael needs something to eat. Jeremy and Michael also always get a separate room which charlie's friends thinks is for gay reasons but it's actually because as soon as Michael gets in the room he just collapses into a pile of goo because it's really hard to keep up his physical form on like a beach day, And Jeremy's illusion disks can only last for so long before beginning to hurt people's ears.

One of the biggest shenanigans was Jeremy's "death". You see in the hospital when Mikey accidentally started absorbing Jeremy's agony he absorbed a bit too much and accidentally "killed" jeremy Jeremy had produced too much agony in response to Mike's consumption of it which killed him.. Mike felt like a monster after that..... He spent days at home just in a bundle unresponsive to Charlie telling him it wasn't his fault. He felt like that until Charlie came back excited with a newspaper saying that the ghost of Jeremy Fitzgerald has been spotted in the local cemetery. Michael hoping that at least he could say sorry to Jeremy goes with Charlie to the local cemetery where they find Jeremy freaking the fuck out having climbed out of his own coffin.. Jeremy was terrified of what he's too definitely totally human friends would think of him now that he was some kind of weird Creature but both Charlie and Michael were overjoyed that he was okay. They took him home cleaned him up and explained the situation, Which Jeremy quickly forgave Michael understanding it wasn't his fault and he would have died either way probably. He's still at first hates his new body, And is over Joyed when Charlie gives him the illusion disks that make him look Human Again. Even years later in the 90s Jeremy can barely stand to look at his real face. He finds it disgusting and disturbing and generally Something of the devil. So most of the time around the house Jeremy uses a mask and gloves and lots of clothing to cover up all of his corpse parts.

And there's a lot more little shenanigans they get into

[ephemeralgalaxies]

Shadow and Bone s2 spoilers

also some Six of Crows spoilers, so if you've watched s2 but still don't wanna know anything more yet about the crows than what the show has already given us, beware cause this will involve (probable) future spoilers

(once again, Wylan edition (and a lil jesper. but mostly wylan). but this time it's about the soundtrack that plays during a certain scene in episode 4 iykyk) (most of my meta posts will probably be about him. he's a cool character. and he's me but that's beside the point) (me as in ND with tics, sass, and way to much random fact info than is for his own good but sometimes actually proves very useful but not in the way you'd expect. usually in a quite disturbing and confuzzling way)

last warning for spoilers under the cut bc I am absolutely picking apart as many frames as I can

OK OK YES THIS IS ABOUT THE KISS SCENE BUT SPECIFICALLY THE MUSIC THAT PLAYS BEFORE/DURING. Bear with me here, this is gonna be quite the trainwreck as I am running on adrenaline from sleep deprivation and also like two oreos.

To start off, the song for this scene is The Night We Met composed by Joseph Trapanese (spotify link).

Alright, first, the way this song just blends so nicely from the scene with Pekka Rollins in the cemetery to this one just *chef's kiss* (ofc we get quite the gap in soundtrack between the end of that scene and once this song starts playing, but they still arch together pretty well) In fact, I almost thought they were the same, or at least same motif (it tries to be a major key song with lots of accidentals/minor-falls/glissandos to make it more angsty dramatic). Which, shouldn't mean that much from a distance... but oh boi does it make my mind stir.

That song (labeled by Netflix CC as "dramatic music" lmao) surfaces when Pekka Rollins and his crew are scouring the Black Veil Cemetery in search of his son, Alby Rollins. Ofc, he finds him safe and well just as the police(?) take Rollins under arrest for the murders he's just admitted to (holy shit, Kaz works fast). Like, with the beginning of The Night We Met, these are the same songs in different fonts. Which,,, may not be on purpose but is absolutely brilliant anyways bc of how much Alby and his father mirror Wylan and his father (if that mirror had shattered into a web design and had been left to collect dust and mold for decades).

(summary context just in case we do have some ppl reading this that don't know about Wylan's family and want to: his father is Jan Van Eck, a very wealthy merchant from Ketterdam. Like, Pekka Rollins "rules" the Barrel, but Van Eck (and capitalist co) run the country. But he's a shit person and an even more shit father, disowning Wylan on the basis of him not being able to read and therefore "useless as an heir" so,,, Wylan ran away ofc)

So right before this very emotional scene for Wylan, we get Pekka Rollins, absolute dumpster fire trash of a man, be a good father. aND EVEN HAVING THE MUSIC DO A HARSH FADE FROM WHEN ROLLINS NON LONGER CAN SEE HIS SON TO WYLAN ASKING JESPER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE FREE?

im screaming so much it was perfect

So with that in context, we lead into the scene in Wylan's workshop. It's quiet now, hopeful even. You're already forgetting about abandoned sons and desperate fathers. The world is "full of possibilities." There's no music anymore, just the fizzling and clanging (Wylan, wtf do u have clanging in your workshop???). And the silence stays as Jesper talks about what he'd like to do now that he can roam the Barrel free again. How he'd like to do that... with Wylan.

But Wylan's acting weird. He should be in his element here; laid out, an open book. But he's hiding. No literally, he ducks under the table. And even after he's explained that he's feeling strange bc he was so sure Jesper wouldn't want anything more with him, there's silence. It's only when Jesper starts to back away, when he seems hurt by the idea that Wylan doesn't think Jesper would like him, that the music picks up. And I love this so much because throughout this entire scene, Wylan is interacting with the music. As if he can hear it. Jesper floats along it, fitting everything so perfect within pauses, but Wylan actually feels it. Like each little violin arco pull or harp chord is another thought in his head.

So here: the music starts. Just gentle harp for now (I think that's a harp. Or something of the variety. I'm gonna be so embarrased if it's just like an acoustic guitar or smth). And Jesper backs up, hurt, and Wylan realizes oh shit wait this actually means something to him, I've just hurt him, I have to fix this. I need to clarify. Let him know it's not like I wanted to leave, but "better to cut my losses." (and my god I love Jack Wolfe's little "I... huuuuuh" that he gives like I love it so much it's so awkward and accurate like Wylan has so much he wants to say but can't figure out how to actually get it out right).

And we keep with this pattern, just gentle (almost melancholic) harp chords of one two three four pause... one two three four pause... BUT IT'S A SORT OF ARPEGIO. BC once Jesper says "my reputation isn't entirely unfounded," the camera pans back to Wylan for the next set of notes that reach a little higher, a little different, little more noticeable. And with this frame, we get a nod and a small smile (not reaching his eyes, ofc, Wylan seems to smile as a signal a lot more than in genuine) -- this feels like confirmation to him. He's correct, his assumptions from that night are valid. Someone like Jesper wouldn't want anything more (from someone like him).

Then we stay on Jesper again, how he likes "the gamble of Barrel life" (sobbing for Wylan thinking that Jesper won't like him anymore when he finds out that Wylan isn't "Barrel life" (not really, he thinks. Not like the rest of them). We even get the more overt and dramatic lil "yeah there you go, ofc, I get that" hand motion with another nod and smile before he avoids Jesper's gaze (and the camera) again by walking off to the end of the table. He's put more distance despite being more accessible now; they're not looking across from each other anymore. Jesper has to move to keep engaging.

And he doesn't at first. He lets his eyes follow Wylan, but then drops them again shortly as he thinks on it all. He's losing Wylan here, he knows it. He needs to change this pattern up before Wylan disappears into that quite chord progression entirely. "I may very well have left you first..." Wylan looks up again, smiles and nods, still tinkering away. He's trying to engage the conversation but only as little as possible. He wants this over with, he's got his confirmation. It's all up to Jesper now.

AND OH BOI DOES JESPER TAKE THAT CHANCE.

He starts walking towards him. "But that..."

Wylan stills, looks back at him, shakes his head and looks back down. Like for a moment it was maybe maybe maybe then pushing that hope back down bc that can't be what this is.

"...was before I got to know you." THE "what wtf hold on" ON WYLAN'S FACE IM SCREAMING. THE HARP IS STILL ALONE, HE'S STILL NOT TRUSTING IT. HE'S LISTENING BUT WON'T DARE ENGAGE YET. HE NEEDS MORE.

"I can't make you any promises." VIOLIN!!!!

"Or predict what might happen between us" VIOLINNNN!!!

"But I can tell you that..." quieter violin as Jesper hesitates

Wylan realizing oh shit oh shit oh shit right along with that muddled lower violin arco note mixed with the harp chord. It's not clean like the others. The harp is catching up to the violin.

"I'd like to find out." Another weird chord (forgive me im tired and can't tell if it's an accidental or just a deviation entirely into another key but it sounds like a different key for a sec) with the harp and a beat of silence. Then the violin follows it...

AND WYLAN SMIRKS. LIKE I SWEAR TO GOD THIS WHOLE POST STARTED BC WHEN I FIRST WATCHED THIS SCENE ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS HOW IT LOOKED LIKE WYLAN REACTS TO THAT VIOLIN NOTE AFTER JESPER SAYS HE WANTS TO TRY SOMETHING MORE WITH HIM. He hides his face from Jesper, and it hits him with the arco note. The guy he likes actually likes him back. This incredible, cool, gunslinger that has his back and doesn't care or judge him for his quirks also actually likes him. more than friendship, more than sex, there's another shared thing here. Wylan can be more. But the harp here slows down, a ritardando only it actually feels the effects of bc the violin has already done its job. Jesper is worried now, he's said what he said and all he can do is hand control over to Wylan.

and then ofc my favorite "hey bro pls respond" like after that arco note that seems to be just for Wylan, like it's his own lil secret realization music, Jesper sits in silence (literally, there's only ambient background, no more actual notes) and when Wylan realizes he hasn't actually responded, that Jesper also needs confirmation, dear god he's gonna give it to him.

But the music doesn't start up again once Wylan begins to walk (run. Like he's sprinting into this kiss) to Jesper, it starts again when Jesper realizes what Wylan's doing. That he's responding. And he's responding very positively.

Now the violin is confident, steady, forceful. There's no more of that careful sliding on the bow, this is borderline staccato. And it's joining the harp. THEY'RE PLAYING TOGETHER NOW!!! THEY'VE CAUGHT UP!!!!!!! Like they've literally caught up, the two characters and instruments melting together in a new melody of the same key but with energy and passion and giddy joy. IT'S LIKE FIREWORKS, LIKE A GUNSHOT.

Then the roaring ocean, violin switching from a long-short combo to straight 16th notes fast and ready and dear god I love it. There's still that whisper of the more hesitant violin in the background, but the faster one is taking control of the piece now. It knows what it wants, has a clear direction. And saints, if that doesn't perfectly mirror Wylan in this scene. This music piece is a beautiful conversation not just between the two characters (and respective separate instruments) but also with that haunting past Wylan carries with his confidence. He knows his worth, knows he's useful. He just can't think that others would recognize this as well. A violin is not a gentle instrument (I'm sorry, but there's a reason I chose the cello). It's higher pitches are harsher, sharper. It can be beautiful, yes, but it can never have that subtlety of a cello or viola (at least lower strings of a viola). The violin is the 1st chair, the main melody carrier, the gem of the orchestra. Sure you need the others, but everyone knows the violin. Wylan knows his worth to a sharp, unsubtle point. But he hangs back like a 2nd violin position -- letting someone else take the reigns until he finally has the space (the safety) of exploding (hehe) into sound. He trusts Jesper now. Wylan's gonna play with the force of his bombs now.

At least until Jesper learns about his history. Which, I think might be another reason why we still have that 2nd violin position sound even at the end. He's encouraged, but he knows there's something he's still gotta hide. And it won't be pretty when it all spills out.

TLDR: the music nerd obsesses over the fictional music nerd way more than anyone asked for (which is at all. no one asked for this. why do I keep doing music-based metas. because I love them and can't sleep until I do them that's why). Wylan is a violin apparently but he can't decide whether he's playing along with the cellos/violas or if he's taking the reigns and filling that conductor's right-hand man spot (is it the right side? hold on. wait shit no it's the conductor's left side. whatever. that 1st chair violin thing that's really special but idc bc Im a cellist and my director switches our section arrangements all the time to play with sound). Also apparently Jesper is a harp which does kinda make sense considering it's a pizzicato sound and Jesper is very ticky ticky like most of the soundtrack songs he's in the scenes of have some kind of ticking. so,,,,,,,

[buddiebeginz]

I know I’m biased because I want Buddie to be together but I’m sorry this storyline with Natalia just feels so poorly written. Buck was talking (to Eddie) about her like she’s The One. When that’s not how it seemed at all on their date. It seemed like she was mainly interested in talking about him almost dying more than anything else vs actually getting to know him. Not to mention Buck also has a horrible history of dating women he's met connected to the job and none of them worked out. I don't get why the show thinks we need to see him go down that route again.

I also really didn't like that scene with Buck and Eddie in the cemetery. The show has always made it seem like Buck and Eddie know each other better than anyone. Which they reinforced that again after Buck was struck by lightening when it was only at Eddie's house he was able to sleep and open up on how he was feeling. Yet in tonight's ep in the cemetery he talks to Eddie like this woman he's known for all of 5 mins (in the grand scheme of life) suddenly listens to and understands him better than even Eddie. I mean what??? 0_o

I also didn't like how they made it seem like Eddie had no idea what's been going on with Buck when we know they spend a considerable amount of time together both at work and outside of it. And again the show made it clear Eddie was the one Buck felt most comfortable opening up to after almost dying so why wouldn't Edde and Buck have talked more about how he's been feeling since then?

Sometimes it just feels like the show runner and writers don't watch their own show.

I also felt like with that cemetery scene they're trying to further distance themselves from Buddie happening and it's just so tiring. There's so many amazing things they could be doing with Buck and Eddie, hell they could even at least make one of them bi but nope. As much as I want to see Buddie happen I honestly think the current show runner will never let it. It just feels like we're going to see them in these lack luster relationships with women until the shows finale. It sucks because no one Buck or Eddie date will ever compare to the relationship they have with each other and the show could capitalize on that but they just won't fully go there.

[truckfreaks]

I wish i didnt answer the fucking phone. And I feel so fucking irredeemably guilty for saying that, but it's true

Sitting in the backyard and trying to identify the grapevine I just found. I get a call from my aunt. Usually it's because my nephew, who she takes to school in the morning, asks to say good morning to me. So I don't think anything of it.

She tells me, "listen, I'm really sorry to do this but I'm not calling with good news. Your mother called me several times last night and she definitely relapsed, she was screaming on the phone for hours. She wasn't making any sense, but she kept asking what she can do to make things right between you and her. She wants to ask you but she's afraid. I think shes suicidal again."

I didn't really know what to say besides the truth. She (my mother) already knows the answer. I've told her countless times. She needs to go inpatient - not some cushy detox for a week or two. She needs actual fucking inpatient psych and substance use treatment. I work with people just like her every single day. I deal with it constantly. I know it's possible. But it takes work and commitment and you need to have no outside distractions. She can't just try to do this and simultaneously hold a job and try to act like everything is fine. She needs to go away somewhere and get well and find help and connect with people who understand the hurt and ache that we unfortunately are genetically fucking cursed with in this family.

But my aunt goes on. She tells me about all the things my mother was saying: how next year she'll have been in Florida for a decade, but she's no happier or more stable than she was when she first went. She can't hold a job. She has no friends, no support system (because my grandparents refuse to even call to check on her when she relapses, thanks to AL Anon bullshit).

She tells me that she kept saying she refuses to go to jail. She says she came to Florida to "protect" my grandparents and pretty soon she "won't be able to" anymore. She says some odd variation on the usual: "does [nephew] even understand the concept of love? Does he feel supported? Does he know that he does not have to end up like this?" Usually those words were reserved for my cousin, but now that there is a new baby in the mix, I guess she's projecting it onto him.

She says she will "do anything" to understand how to connect with me, but she doesn't think it's possible, and she doesn't think I would care if she died. She says she wishes grandma and grandpa were dead so that she didn't have to "protect" them anymore. She says neither of them even know where they are (not true. My grandparents are entirely self sufficient and no mental deficit or dementia at all). Nobody (my aunt and my cousin, listening in) understood what she was talking about.

Then, like usual, after calling my aunt several times over the course of five or six hours, she just. stopped. Me and my aunt talked about it a good deal this morning, but ultimately decided a wellness check was probably a terrible idea, since, yknow. Cops kill people when they do wellness checks on the mentally ill.

I know she is probably triggered because of uncle frankie's birthday/death. I get it. I really do. Having to deal with your dead siblings birthday and murder happening within less than a week of one another is terrible. But it isn't an excuse. He wouldn't want it to be an excuse either. And, he is gone. She's still here.

Its kind of wild, actually. We talked to her on Sunday, after we got back from the cemetery. I got on the call because I know half the reason why she is like this is because of the grief she deals with regarding Uncle Frankie. She was... jarringly normal. Even my aunt agreed - it was the first time in a long time we had talked to her and she didn't seem just positively manic.

I look at her and I see parts of myself I hate so, so, so much. It breaks my heart. Because I know how badly it hurts, this rot that just lives inside you and grows and grows. Its awful. My mother is so smart, so ridiculously talented, so compassionate. She feels very, very much. I know she feels like nobody understands her. I know she feels alone. And I know what that feels like, and I know how badly it hurts. But the difference is I know that there's something wrong with me and I take steps to address it. I'm in therapy two to three times a week. I take a cocktail of meds every day. I find things to love about life that aren't hinging on someone else loving me or respecting me, or being successful, or reaping some reward.

Because, like. When you are like this, you have to. Otherwise life is... literally without point. You have to make your own meaning. Nobody can give it to you. But she wants someone to give it to her. She wants me to call her and treat her like a mother and give her purpose - Yes, Christine, Now you are a mother. Except what she doesn't get is, she's always been a mother. She didn't know what to do with it. That's... not my fault. I can't fix her. Nobody can. She needs to fix herself. I derive NO joy from knowing there is nothing I can do to help my mother. This isn't some kind of point of pride, or "self care" to cut toxic people out of your life, or something like that. I just. Can't. I am just as helpless as everyone else. She has the power but she thinks she doesn't. And if she doesn't go inpatient and figure it out, it is going to eat her alive and it is going to kill her.

I didn't even tell my aunt about what happened at the doctor yesterday. I don't have it in me. I can't put more on them. She told me she'll check in again on mom. Then she had to go. She said she would keep me updated.

She says she's afraid mom killed herself last night after she stopped calling. I don't know what to do with that.

editing to say someone finally got in contact but frankly I have no idea what's going on. and i think i don't even have the capacity to try ro tackle this today.

[chryzure-archive]

I was listening to the Beauty and The Beast soundtrack (the animated one because<3 yeah <3) and I was reminded of your Chryzure AU... please tell me more about it they are soulmates <3

so many thoughts abt this au......... jst sad, lonely azure, and chrysi who sees a boy with horns and a tail and thinks "he's rlly pretty, huh? i'm going to kiss him."

i've actually been thinking abt how azure was turned into a beast. he broke up with meredith bc she's, uhhh, not a great person? but she was rlly mad at him for doing so, and, you know, cursed azure. we can assume the rest of that scene.

well, bc azure got soooo cursed, his father essentially went "not my problem you were too weak to stop the curse, you poor excuse of a witch." and he left with the rest of azure's family and most of the servants. basically, once azure figures out how to break the curse, he'll get his family back, and his whole... personhood technically restored.

after azure's family left, meredith suddenly considered the fact that it might've been his family's fault that they couldn't be together, so she fucking killed them. all of them. and she showed up at the castle again, all bloody and deranged, and was like "i've solved the problem! sorry for cursing you, i didn't consider the rest of the situation!" and azure's like "........ you killed my family....? uh, yeah, definitely still not going to date you."

yes, azure's had a messy childhood--he despises his father, and he feels resentment towards his mother since she let his father treat him so poorly, but they were still his parents. and his twin sister may have played cruel tricks on him growing up, but she was still his twin sister. so yeah, he's not happy about the situation.

this makes meredith more enraged, so she turns the remaining servants in the castle into objects (since she also has a thing where she views the "help" as inanimate objects. she's not a very good person, clearly). she continues to visit azure every month to ask if he's changed his mind and he wants to marry her finally. he's been saying a firm no for the last 10 years, though, and she's not very happy about it.

cut to chrysi, who has recently moved to the countryside with her father after her mother died. you know, all things considered, she's holding in there pretty well. the town all thinks she's extremely weird (pretty accurate. she does talk to ghosts) but as long as she can read books and visit the cemetery, she's fine.

her father, on the other hand, worries for her. he wants chrysi to be able to move out and find her own happiness--whether that means finding employment or a lover or anything, he doesn't care. he just is concerned that chrysi's shackling herself down to protecting him.

elias bloom is there to help with those concerns!...... yuck. yeah, typical "elias bloom obsession" is here. chrysi's icked out by him constantly, and she's frequently finding unique ways to escape his affection. (elias bloom is very determined to marry chrysi, and he frequently brings up the fact that she's 24 and nobody will love her and marry her anymore, since she's so old. chrysi has to roll her eyes at this.)

one day, chrysi escapes through the nearby woods and finds herself at an abandoned-looking castle. she remembers that the nobles in charge of this area all died, save for their oldest son, who is presumed missing.

she's a curious person (plus, she can see an angel statue, and she hopes there's a cemetery worthy of an abandoned castle there), so she walks in.

well. um. meredith set up a failsafe--so azure wouldn't escape--where anybody that goes in can't get out. she has cursed wolves prowling around and the statues at the entrance can bar exit, if need be.

azure also has his own magic at the perimeter and he very quickly realizes there's somebody on the castle grounds. that... is not good. so he rushes over and ohhhh no. a girl from the little town nearby. this will not end well.

chrysi doesn't realize azure's a monster when she first sees him. she just sorta sees his silhouette and hears his voice. which azure essentially says, "how... did you get in?" "through the front?" "............huh. well, you can't leave." "excuse me?"

clearly, they don't get off on the right foot. azure jst sorta lets chrysi stay in the wing opposite him, because he doesn't want to deal with her attacking him (she started throwing rocks at him and he didn't like it. no thank you, he will not deal with that). chrysi very quickly figures out that everyone in this castle is super fucking cursed though.

cue the slowburn, awkward running-into-each-other part of living here. chrysi jumps a little whenever she sees azure and his monstrous features, but she slowly begins to wonder what it would look like to draw him. he's not all bad looking.

by nature of her being curious, again, chrysi does eventually go to the west wing. there she finds old portraits of azure and realizes that he used to be a really pretty boy, before all this. still beautiful, but definitely cursed, and definitely cursed in a way that isn't easy on him (she's seen him accidentally cut himself on his claws once or twice ;;;;; )

well, azure isn't happy about her being there. he lashes out a bit, which... doesn't frighten chrysi, but it definitely pushes her over the edge and has her go "fuck it" and she figures she can escape over one of the castle walls.

doesn't end well. azure has to save her from wolves, and now she has to patch him up--which azure doesn't want her to do. she quickly figures out why when she forces him to take off his shirt so she can clean the wound. he's covered in scars from meredith, who gives him a new one whenever he refuses her :(((( they're all dark red and purple, like they never healed, or they were infected, or something.... it makes chrysi feel rlly bad for him.

they strike up an uneasy alliance after that. azure only asks that chrysi stay in her room once a month (during meredith's visits, but chrysi doesn't know that) and that she ask permission before entering his wing. but he shows her the library and he's pretty sure she just fell in love with being here a little bit.

(i should mention that there's small friendship moments happening w/ the servants that r objects, but i'm thinking abt chryzure too hard, so that's why i keep glossing over it ;;;;;; )

anyway, chrysi sneaks out during one of meredith's visits bc... of course (the first visit, since chrysi's been here), and she very quickly figures out that meredith was the one that cursed azure and has been scarring him. she overhears their conversation and her heart breaks a little bit for azure :(( later, when meredith leaves, chrysi manages to corner azure and demand he show her where meredith hurt him. he's mostly concerned that chrysi was right there the entire time, and meredith could've hurt her. but chrysi disregards his concern.

they start falling in love right abt now, i think. whoops, jst tumbled into it.

anyway, azure starts finding reasons to hang out more in the library and the cemetery. what a coincidence that chrysi's there! so crazy,..,,,,... anyway, they kiss about it.

oh yeah, true love won’t break this curse! so they’re definitely in love with each other, which is good for azure since he’s been so lonely and touch-starved, but he’s still beast azure :( but chrysi likes the way his tail will wrap around her, and the way he very very lightly brushes her hair from her face, even though he’s constantly worried abt his claws, and she loves his fangs, and she loves everything about him :) so, consider that, azure.

they have a makeshift ball because they’re head over heels in love w each other at this point (they haven’t, like, put words to it, but it’s generally understood between them) and they want to have a little fun ;;;;

it goes great until meredith shows up. off-schedule. azure, in particular, panics. he pushes chrysi behind him, wraps his tail around her, and he begs meredith to not hurt chrysi at all.

turns out that over the last couple visits, meredith could tell there was something different in the way azure would act. she’d actually been getting close to getting him to agree to being with her, but suddenly he withdrew. she’s not happy about chrysi being here in azure’s arms, instead of her.

but hey, she’s not unfeeling! she won’t kill chrysi like she killed his family, and she won’t turn her into an object like everyone else. meredith says chrysi’s too pretty for that. but she won’t tell azure precisely what she’ll do to chrysi—she just drags chrysi out and away from the castle.

aaaaand shoves her directly in the arms of elias bloom <3 turns out they were in this together! that’s how meredith got the hint that chrysi was with azure at the castle in the first place.

elias traps chrysi with him, getting particularly mad when chrysi refuses to marry him once again. he finally realizes that the reason chrysi keeps turning him down is because of azure (…. that’s not the reason why, but yeah, chrysi would gladly marry azure over elias bloom). so elias ends up turning the townspeople against azure and he swears to march to the castle to kill azure, so that he won’t have to deal with him again.

meredith is obviously not pleased with this development. but she manages to convince elias to only brutalize azure a little bit—she’ll take care of azure from there, assuring that this time, there will be no one to stumble in on azure and his cursed state and fall in love with him. in fact, a large part of the brutalizing is purely to convince chrysi that azure is dead.

they—elias bloom, meredith, and the townspeople—march their way up to the castle in the meantime.

what they didn’t consider was that chrysi was very determined to get back to azure to warn him. with a little help (one of her besties frm the castle 👁 👁), she manages to spring herself out.

the siege is well under way by the time chrysi gets to the castle. everyone is raising hell, which is convenient for chrysi to sneak her way back up to azure’s chambers.

there she finds elias bloom and azure in a scuffle. but when she goes to help, she finds meredith there. meredith attacks chrysi, now thoroughly furious that chrysi’s managed to find a way to ruin every single one of her plans.

she drags chrysi out by her hair once she manages to subdue her and calls the battle between azure and elias to a stop. from there, she says that she will slit chrysi’s throat if azure continues to refuse her—so now better be the moment he agrees to marry meredith, because otherwise his pretty little chryseis will be dead.

so. mild issue with this declaration. elias bloom is there, and he is very, very obsessed with chrysi.

meredith did not consider this aspect. she had tunnel vision on azure.

well, elias bloom replies by launching himself at meredith (trust me, everyone was startled by this development. azure’s like “??????? he was trying to kill me just seconds ago, and now he’s helping me????????” and chrysi’s like “oh good fucking LORD, he truly will not stop at nothing to have me”), which in turn causes meredith to topple off the castle. she doesn’t manage to get a grip on the edge, so she falls to her death.

thing is, she still very much so had chrysi in her grasp. so chrysi goes sailing over the edge as well, to elias bloom’s horror—and to azure’s terror.

he manages to grab chrysi’s wrist before she can fall to her death like meredith though! his claws scratch her up a bit, but he’s willing to overlook this pain he’s causing her on this one occasion, because at least it means that she’s alive.

they both share a moment of relief, before azure realizes that maybe he should pull chrysi up from the precipice before they have their heartfelt reunion.

problem: as soon as azure pulls chrysi up enough for her to grasp the edge, elias bloom stabs him through the ribs, cutting straight into his heart.

azure crumples like a wet paper towel as chrysi screams in horror.

elias bloom hoists chrysi up the rest of the way, even though she’s kicking and biting at him the entire time, screaming and crying for azure.

a scuffle ensues, and one that ends very poorly for elias bloom (read: she stabs him with that same knife and then she conveniently kicks him off the building as well <3). chrysi then scrambles for azure.

she’s trying to stem the blood, but there’s so much of it, and azure already looks so pale. she fears the worst—that she can’t do a thing for him.

azure smiles at her like he can read her thoughts and informs her that she’s already done so much for him—even if he dies right here and now, then at least he was able to experience companionship and love. he thought that he would die as this beast without receiving an ounce of love his entire life.

then he rattles out a final breath and goes very, very still in chrysi’s arms.

uh. this does not go over well for chrysi.

so she’s screaming and crying over his body—crying so hard that she doesn’t notice when her tears go golden and her hand over his heart starts glowing—but very soon it’s clear that chrysi’s doing something magical.

she’s not looking down (can hardly manage to see anything around her golden tears), but if she did, she’d realize that his dark scars were paling, silvering, thinning, until they were barely noticeable, that his fingertips were no longer razor-sharp, that he’d lost the horns and the red, pointed tips of his ears, that he no longer had a tail.

and also—most importantly—that he is alive.

she almost jumps out of her skin when she feels his warm hand on her lower back and his questioning voice. actually, she almost pushes him off the edge of the building in her shock.

but he’s alive! miraculously! azure is also very surprised by this development, but after everything he just went through, he’s not about to argue over it.

it quickly becomes evident that everyone else in the castle has been broken from meredith’s spell as well! this isn’t really due to chrysi, even though i’d love to give her even more of a main character moment—but rather due to the fact that meredith died from her injuries sustained from her fall (she didn’t die on impact, which honestly sounds like a miserable fucking death. good.) that’s also why azure went back to being human.

that said, chrysi definitely did bring him back from death, so there’s her main character moment <3

well, amongst everyone cheering her on, and azure being overwhelmed and in love with her, chrysi passes the fuck out. it takes a lot of energy to bring somebody back from the dead, no matter how recently he’d died, and in addition to that, she just killed the guy that’s been making her life a living hell for the past couple years. give her a moment.

when she wakes up, it’s in azure’s arms in his bed <333 he’s stroking her hair, and chrysi’s realizes that she’ll be able to have a happy ending and that so will azure and :3 it’s neat! anyway. yeah.

[emily-the-fae]

Every Day is a Lullaby

A oneshot. This honestly came to my mind yesterday night, I do not know how well the idea turned out to be.

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Arthur Ketch x OC

Warnings:probably language, blood, injury, background character death, brief mentions of sex, angst mith mix of fluff

Rated: T

Mr Ketch has many sides, likable and repulsing - but which one of his faces is truly his is sometimes an uncertainty even for him.

Harper reflects on the changes on their relationship as they get out of a hunt gone wrong. While Ketch reconsiders some of his past choices... And reasons why he is still alive.

If he's a serial killer

Then what's the worst

That can happen to a girl

Who's already hurt

I'm already hurt

The first time Harper met him was a coincidence. It was long before the whole nephilim thing, long before she found out what kind of man he was, what kind of hunter he was. Yet even back then in the span of their first couple of meetings  she felt he was no good.

A stupid hunting coincidence.

Harper was not used to hunting alone. She did that to herself - separated herself from the Winchesters. However much she loved Sam and Dean, she could not bear continuously being around them, not after everything that happened. Not after Charlie. Because no matter what Dean said or how Sam reassured her - it was her fault. Charlie was a great friend. Charlie had the brightest soul. Harper was late to help her and now Charlie was no more. It was all Harper's fault.

Driving away and going head first into hunting was the outmost Winchester way of dealing with the guilt and grief. Hunting alone while slowly coming out of her lowest phase - those were the circumstances under which Harper met Arthur Ketch.

The first time it happened it was a coincidence - two hunters choosing the same target is not uncommon. Harper was already on spot and all in the fight when he arrived. "Are you insane going into a whole vampire nest alone?" - those were the first words she ever heard from him. She might have been slightly insane, but he sure was a damn psycho. To be honest if not for him she would have probably ended up dead or turned in that vampire nest that night. Harper hates being honest about it.

The second coincidence happened just a few days after the first one - she would later on doubt if it was a coincidence at all. Perhaps it was. Harper would never really know - what she did know though was that he still had a small scar left above his left eyebrow - a mark of where she hit him with the grip of her gun, thinking it was the witch that was creeping up to her and absolutely not expecting to hear a male voice swearing after her blow. Arthur had not known her for 24 hours in sum and they were already making a scene after a hunt - Harper almost pitied she had not knocked him out straight away.

What happened on the next day? He caught her in the town and suggested to team up to avoid "future confusions". Rule number one how to become friends with Arthur Ketch: hit him in the face. Harper wasn't going to become friends with him - with any hunters for that matter - but fate seldom cared what Harper was going to do anyways.

Harper definitely lied to herself when she said that they were going to be only friends or that she was going to hate him after all the British Men of Letters invasion story. She didn't. Not with the way they met in the first place: him ripping her out of the claws of the angry remnants of the vampire pack - slightly concerned greyish blue eyes and a British accent was what greeted her at dawn that day, even though mid in fight she had accepted she would not see the sun again. It seemed symbolic how he saved her from giving up, from herself. And certainly not after the way their relationship went from mutual curiosity to blind semi-professional trust. Harper did not need a "friend" to console her: if she had wanted that she would have stayed around Sam - she needed someone unfeeling but understanding enough to see through her and consciously let it be.

She remembered it clearly - three hunts into their relationship - a month after their first encounter - they were sharing a hotel room. Two beds, late night after a hunt, she lied on her side and quietly cried. It was a demon hunt. The memories were too much. Arthur came into view and stared at her for a couple of moments before walking to his own bed.

- I'd say you can talk about it when you want to, but I doubt you will ever feel the necessity, - a brief caress of his hand against her shoulder. He did not try to relieve her, he allowed her to get to her own way of coping. For that Harper was grateful more than ever. - We all have skeletons in our closets, it's the downturn of the job.

Oh, dear Arthur, we are both now  aware you knew far too well what you were talking about. Harper doubted any hunter had a closet cemetery as large as Ketch's.

Yet... Even after that - the awkward reuniting with the Winchesters, being pulled away from him as she came back to her old friends and witnessing, luckily from a safe distance, how the man she grew to trust without actually knowing him, uncovered darker and darker sides of his personality. What was worst - after she refused to join the BMoL, he would continue to sometimes keep her hunting company, going on like nothing happened. Like nothing changed. Why worst? It let the image of the heartless killer that she should have seen before her now connect and combine with the image of the man who would patch her up on her darkest nights and put a firm hand on her shoulder when Harper was too deep in memory to restrain herself. His presence around her became a reassurance in itself - because he did not have to know to understand. And because he simply had not been there - looking into his eyes Harper wouldn't get reminded of the times when everything was still right, wouldn't get reminded of that one time everything went very wrong. Probably those were the main qualities that helped him win a spot in her heart. Those and his unending casual flirting.

And now? After everything was over, after his very dark side was revealed, the confessions were made and the redemption was played, what did she think of him? The hunter, turned out just a very well trained assassin - he had served the British Men of Letters, he had served Asmodeus - now here he was separated from any commanding he ever had, living a hunting life of his own and sometimes collaborating with the Winchesters. Therewere many dark moments forgotten for the sake of peace. Many more had yet to come up - judging by how Ketch treated his own history and interests of others.

" - I wonder where Mick went, he was always so nice... Nicer than you, anyways. Pity he went away all of a sudden, - Harper mentioned once after a hunt.

- He did not go anywhere. I shot him in the head just like Hess ordered, - Ketch seemed calm and cold as steel. " Sometimes Harper thought that leaving BMoL would change him, but moments like that she realized how slowly the changes - if any - would have to occur. That night she simply walked away, not saying another word.

If anyone ever asked Harper how Arthur's spot in her heart had shifted after all the mess he had caused? She would say that he never even had one... And think that truth to be told there was no flame hot enough to burn him out of her chest - his name carved on her ribs would have been easier to get rid of than the bittersweet affection she harboured for the moral wreck of a man named Arthur Ketch.

If he's as bad as they say

Then I guess I'm cursed

Looking into his eyes

I think he's already hurt

He's already hurt

Despite that Harper never dared pursue a relationship. Why? She was very sure with people like Ketch the only right strategy was not to expect them to be capable of attachment. The flirting, the sweet promising looks he would give her after a well-accomplished hunt... Harper would dream of believing them to be genuine. She was very well aware thinking him in any way genuine was a risk she was not ready to take. She knew Ketch would not mind letting that affair happen - he made that quite clear. She also knew it would mean absolutely nothing to him apart from some company and a warm body in his bed. Arthur Ketch was cold, unemotional and taught himself well not to get attached to anyone - and even if that was not true, he tried his damn best to make it seem so.

Harper sometimes hoped she saw it in his eyes: a silent "please keep safe" when they would part after a hunt, a sparking "I missed you" when they would meet once again. Arthur sometimes hoped she would see it too - very deep in his soul, deeper than he would ever be able to admit even to himself.

In other words, the outcome of the new hunt would have presented itself sooner or later anyways. They were actually quite lucky to have it present itself the way it did.

The werewolf did not seem such a hard target - away from bigger packs, alone terrorizing the neighborhood - just because he could. Problem and solution crystal clear - a hunt where one clearly sees the root of evil is a blessing for a hunter that's used to all the versions of heartbreaking stories. What Harper did not so clearly see was the gun in their opponent's hands. To be more precise: she did see it, but a little too late.

Two gunshots rang at the same time: her silver bullet hitting right into the monster's heart and his normal one - ... Ketch fell against the wall, sliding down to the floor: his left shoulder bled, the bulletproof vest, even though being pierced in the thinner area, had preserved him from being too deeply injured - but not kept completely safe from wounding.

Several seconds of silence - making sure the werewolf is not a threat anymore - realisation and fear finally hitting Harper.

- Ketch?... Ketch?!... Arthur! - the hunter was too disoriented to answer and his silence was taken as a bad sign. - Oh Lord, Arthur, no! - gone are the self-restraint and professional coldness: the moment she sees blood on his chest, she rushes to his side, forgetting about everything else in the world. She needs to make sure he will be fine. He has to be. - Arthur, please, don't die on me! Arthur! - she calls for his attention, the hunter slowly regaining his senses.

For a moment there he believes he hears Tony. This reminds him of some of his unlucky hunts from the years before, though back then he had certainly had it worse. Besides this definitely was not Tony.

Tony would have said "Ketch's down" and carry on with the hunt, eyes on the target, and when the deed was done she would pass him with a short "How is it?" - more out of politeness than genuine caring. That was exactly what she did the only two times he had been seriously injured infront of her.

- Ketch, answer me right this instant, don't you dare fading out! - panic in her voice, genuine. The idea of someone caring as much as to panic at the thought of his death seems too good to be true - for him at least. Arthur feels hands investigating his chest, checking for the wound: cold thin fingers running over his blood-covered skin. Not Tony - Harper.

- I'll live, darling, it's nothing too serious, - attempting to sound confident, but his voice is rasp. It's nothing serious, but it hurt nonetheless: the blow on the shoulder was much harder than anticipated and the bleeding needed to be stopped.

Harper looks into the light blue, borderline grey eyes - he is staring up at her, his gaze unguarded only for a moment that lets her see the uncommon softness and hope in his expression - just for a moment - she believes the things she guessed about him were true, she believes the pain visible in his eyes is true, only by accident revealed to her. The state lasts only a couple of moments - but even that is more than enough for his visible emotions to imprint into her mind.

Arthur Ketch was able to feel. Arthur Ketch could be in pain. Arthur Ketch was capable of needing help.

I said "Don't be a jerk, don't call me a taxi"

Sitting in your sweatshirt, crying in the backseat ooh-ooh

I just wanna dance with you

Hollywood and Vine, Black Rabbit in the alley

I just wanna hold you tight down the avenue ooh

I just wanna dance with you

It was a wonder that the hotel clerk did not stop them on their way - Ketch looked positively dying - Harper was quite sure there was no legal thing that could have happened to him that would have explained this appearance. This was the reason normal hunters chose motels: less suspicion. Harper briefly wondered where he got the money to maintain his former lifestyle, since he was stripped of the BMoL funding, but she guessed there were other sources on his side and he was just too stubborn to change his ways.

When they stumbled into his hotel room, Arthur made a move to drop himself on the bed, but Harper grabbed him by the collar swiftly, dragging him away in the other direction.

- Ketch don't you dare stain the sheets, they'll report us, - she mumbled, pushing him to enter the bathroom and dropping him to sit on the edge of the tub.

He would have laughed if the sudden movement had not caused sharp pain to shoot through his damaged shoulder, making him wince. Alexandra. He had wondered for so long whom Harper reminded him of and out of all moments they shared it was this that made him realise. The memory reappeared in his mind so vividly now.

"Artie, no! Don't go to your room, you'll stain your carpet! Mum will kill us!" - and the older girl held him under his arms, guiding him to the kitchen.

He still remembered it: the years before school, before Kendricks, him and his sister mostly alone in the house with parents constantly away. Alexandra had brought him up before Kendricks had. Alexandra had a lovely voice, she would read him bedtime stories, she would sing to him, she was kind and caring - probably the only human being in his life that ever seemed to care. When he went to Kendricks was the last time he had ever seen her... Well, alive. Alexandra was kind and caring - and that was probably the reason why she had not made it through the training. In fact her death might have been the only reason why he survived and made it to the top - having no one care about you has a benefit: you don't have to care about anyone too.

After his sister's funeral life had never felt the same and Arthur had been quite certain before that it was for the better. Now, watching Harper rush about, trying to find the medical kit to help him, he thought that he had been terribly wrong all the damn time.

How long has she known him? A couple of years, not more, but the relationship between them reached beyond the borders of friendship or companionship. That little american hunter - the first time he saw her he thought she was suicidal, the second one - bold and full of sass. The following months proved her well capable of combining both while turning out to be so much more, one of which being: to be able to love Arthur Ketch. Of course he knew she loved him - this was among those traits in her that he openly treated with polite contempt and deep down envied more than anything.

He watched Harper come to his side, sliding his hunting gear off his shoulders - her movements so gentle, her eyes filled with worry and guilt.

- I'm so sorry Arthur, I should have... - you're always sorry. You always think it is your fault and none else's. This was most probably the main reason why it was so easy for him to openly reject her feeling: they both knew she loved him, they both knew he saw it, he toyed with her so many times, being suggestive, flirting. "As long as I enjoy the physical aspects of having an affair, the emotional attachment that other people believe necessary to form is rather pathetic" - he told her once. He actually said that, those were his words. I would like to fuck you as long as you shut your disgustingly human little heart. She stared at him for a moment, her beautiful face almost successfully hiding the hurt - then turned away silently, shrugging her shoulders. He was being a jerk. Harper never stopped him from that, Harper seemed to take it all in and believe he was right, believe that her feeling for him was utterly pathetic. That it was her fault.

- It was no one's mistake, love, it was an unlucky accident. Besides it didn't turn out that awful, - he trailed off. She was cleaning his skin over the wound now, preparing to apply stitches. Arthur could sense a little shudder in her at the word "love". He was so used to saying it that he forgot about all the connotations it held. Lord, was he bad at this.

Harper continued her work silently. She felt him studying her face and prayed to be finished as quick as possible - she did not need another heartbreaking hope and she had already made the mistake of looking into his eyes that night. When the last stitch was done, she turned away to put the materials aside and sensed him straighten up behind her back - Harper felt he wanted to say something else, but she could not give him that opportunity. She almost thought he would die that night - seeing him on the floor made her blood run cold - she did not need any more pain to add to the aftermath of the shock.

- I'm going to my room, but please call me if you feel worse during the night, - she spoke, not turning to face him, ready to walk out of the bathroom. Harper felt his hand grab her wrist in a rushed movement and turned abruptly only to see him staring back at her with unguarded softness in his eyes. The only time she remembered Arthur look at her like that was when she twisted an ankle during the hunt all due to his mistake. It scared her a little to see that expression on him.

- Why won't you just stay to keep an eye on me? - his voice low, with an undertone she so often heard when he flirted with her.

- You're a big boy, Ketch, we both know that even stitching you up was superfluous, you can perfectly well tend to yourself, - a smile. Harper tried to brush it off jokingly, ready to make her leave, but his grasp on her wrist only grew stronger.

- Stay.  At least for this night. Please, - the smile disappeared from her face. He sounded wounded, he sounded like he really pleaded. Harper broke away from his grasp, taking a step back.

- You don't need a... - she shook her head.

- But I do, - he stood up, taking a step towards her, not letting her increase the distance between them. His fingers came up to caress her cheek gently. - Harper, stay, - she shut her eyes, standing still and quiet for a couple of seconds, seemingly fighting back emotions.

- You don't mean this, - she said, looking up at him sharply and confidently, but in a moment, failing to restrain herself, she continues more quietly and softly. - Why do you have to be so cruel to me? - he could see tears brimming in her eyes.

They stood frozen in front of each other, her face so close to his, her eyes watering - not because of this particular evening, but because of all those times before he had behaved in similar nature. It was the first time she had so directly addressed the issue of her feelings for him. "Why do you have to be so cruel to me?" She seemed to be waiting for an actual answer. Why was she always so kind to him? Like he was normal, like he didn't hurt her? Arthur leaned down, his hand still cupping her cheek, his lips touching hers gently and firmly.

Harper closed her eyes - not as a girl would do in a pretty romantic movie - she shut her eyes, pressing her eyelids together, holding her breath, shuddering. A single tear ran down her cheek.

When they parted, though his face still stayed just a few centimeters away from hers, Harper opened her eyes again, her breath shaking.

- Arthur...

His free hand circled her waist, pulling her closer to him, as his fingers slid away from her cheek,  moving behind her head, running through her hair. Arthur leaned close to her ear, his breath ghosting over her neck.

- Because I hate how you make me feel like I can still have a life, like not everything is lost. I hate how you make me feel worth being cared about and able to care. I hate how you make me feel, - he said that rushed and quiet. Pressing his front to the side of her head, breathing deeply.

- And what if you are lying? What if this all is for the sake of one night? I'm tired of guessing if you have a soul or not, Arthur, I'm too worn out, - she wispered after some time, leaning her forehead into his uninjured shoulder.

- Then trust me this one time. I promise. Please.

- Why?

- Because I need you. I need you to feel alive.

Arthur felt her let out a deep breath, her petite form pressing itself to his, her arms sliding behind his back to hold him close. She raised her head, freezing for a moment before their eyes met, then leaning up - their lips meeting now less gingerly than the first time.

- Does that mean you'll stay?

- You're such an asshole, Ketch...

- I know.

Harper hid her face in his chest, sobbing quietly, her form shacking, worn out both physically and emotionally. Arthur kissed her temple softly, caressing her back, for once feeling like he did everything right. For once feeling like they had a chance.

Happiness is a butterfly

Try to catch it like every night

It's escaping from me into moonlight

[l-egionaire]

Owl House Fic - Remember Me

They'd been close before he was gone.

He'd called her his "princesa", his "pequeña estrella fugaz", and all sorts of of other cute nicknames delivered while she was swaddled in his arms or being given tickly mustache kisses by him.

He was the only person who ever seemed to be able to get her under control. Whenever she had too much energy and was bouncing off the walls, he'd give her some crayons and a pad of paper or ask her to help him with a project while making it sound like an exciting game. Thus, she was able to channel all her overexcitement into something productive. If she tried to do something risky, like play witch by jumping off her bed while holding a broomstick, he was able to talk her out of it and help her find a safer activity.

He was just as weird as she was. Where she was obsessed with magic and witches, he fawned over art. He talked her ear off all the time about famous artists, sculptors, and painters. He planned trips for him, her, and Mamá to go to museums, practically vibrating with joy at all the different works they saw. Anytime he didn't spend at his job at the auto shop was spent painting, drawing, and sculpting. She was always amazed whenever she saw his hands seem to almost effortlessly glide across a paper or through wood and turn an ordinary object into something extraordinary. It was like real magic and the first time she saw it, she begged him to teach her. Every Saturday became their art day where he would teach her his craft bit by bit, revealing to her the secrets of the magic he practiced.

More than anything though, he was her best friend. All the other kids were usually scared off by her intensity, so he was the only person willing to play with her. They'd read stories together, him doing funny voices and helping her sound out the hard parts. They'd eat massive ice cream sundaes smothered in peanuts, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce. Before diving into them he'd wink and make her promise not to tell Mamá he fed her so much sugar. They made so many drawings, crafts, and paintings that they almost ran out of room to put them all. He was without a doubt the person she was closest to in her life.

Which is why it hurt so much when he left them.

She was 8 years old. It was just an ordinary day, specifically a Saturday. Their art day. The two of them had been working hard on finishing a family portrait that they'd been working on as a surprise for the upcoming Mother's day. Unfortunately, he had been called in to work, so she'd spent most of the day in the living room waiting for him to come back, their art supplies set out and ready to use the minute to get back.

Her heart filled with joy when she heard the sounds of her mamá coming down the steps, sure that she was about to tell her that he was on his way home and ready to start painting with her. She moved to hide their half-finished painting from view as her mamá came in, but her smile faded when she saw the hollow expression on her face.

She'd never forget what she said next.

"Luz....mija, I'm sorry. Your papá, he's....he's gone."

Mamá then began to tell Luz how papá had been driving home from work but, another driver hadn't been watching where he was going when they hit her father's car. But Luz could barely hear her, as the words "your papá is gone" repeated inside her head. She didnt even react when mamá bent down and gave her a tight, shaky hug.

Luz went through the next week and a half completely numb. She did things like eating and going through the school day on autopilot. Whenever anyone talked to her she responded with short answers in a monochrome tone. Even her dreams, which used to be filled with vivid magical adventures were now empty and black.

She finally started to come to her senses on the day of the funeral. Mamá put her in a new black dress and they drove to meet with her abuela on her papá's side. The two of them embraced each other tearfully, mamá rubbing soothing circles into her back as she thanked her for being in his life.

They and the rest of his relatives all rode together to the funeral home. Inside was the casket with Papá's body inside. Everyone took turns going up to it and saying their goodbyes. When Luz and her mamá's turn came up, Luz felt a sharp pain in her heart at seeing him laying in the coffin. She had the urge to kiss him on the forehead in the hope he might wake up like the princess in a movie they'd seen together once. But her mamá held her back.

Afterward they had a ceremony where people came up and talked about Papá and his effect on their life. So many stories Luz had never heard about him. Once the ceremony was over they went back to the cars and drove to a cemetery where they had one more speech before Papá's body was buried.

As she watched them lower his casket into the ground, it all finally seemed to hit Luz.

Her Papá was dead.

Which meant no more art Sundays together. No more movie nights with she, him and Mamá snuggled up on the couch, the two of them sneaking kisses while Luz groaned at their mushy romance. No more coming down to find him cooking breakfast, singing along badly to a song blaring from the radio.

He wouldn't be there for her 9th birthday, or her 10th, or 11th. He wouldn't see her graduate from Elementary school along with all the other kids. He wouldn't watch her grow up and become a famous painter like she'd told him she would. They'd never finish their painting for mother's day.

Slowly the sharp pain that she'd felt back in the funeral home came back with even greater strength. It was so intense, she gripped her chest in the hope that would make it stop.

Luz wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to leap down into the grave, bang her fists on the casket and beg her papá to come back to her.

She was seconds away from doing any one of those things or maybe even some combination of the three when she noticed the sound of sniffling come from next to her. She looked over and realized it was coming from Mamá.

For the first time since she'd told her about his death, Luz actually looked at her mamá. She saw the deep anguish on her face. Noticed the bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. Saw the heavy stream of tears pouring from her eyes despite them already being extremely red. Even her usual bun was frayed and frazzled looking.

Luz gently tugged on the sleeve of her dress. "Mamá? Are you okay?"

She sniffled heavily and warbly replied "Si, Luz. I'm sorry Mija, I just....I can't....." And that was all she could choke out before breaking down into heavier sobs.

Seeing her crying like that, the pain that was in Luz's heart morphed into a deep twisting guilt.

She wasn't the only one who'd lost Papá. Mamá lost him too. She wouldn't be able to go on date nights with him anymore. She wouldn't be able to greet him with a kiss to the cheek when she came down to the kitchen for breakfast. Never get to have their "alone time" Tio Rosa said they had whenever they got Luz to watch her.

And here Luz was. Only thinking of herself. So caught up in her own feelings that she completely ignored how her mamá was feeling. How could she be so selfish?

Despite how tough it was, Luz stuffed all her pain and sadness down and took her mamá's hand. She gently rubbed circles into the back of her palm.

"It's alright mamá. I'm here for you."

She didn't have time to think only about herself. She couldn't be that selfish.

Someone else needed her.

[loveforpreserumsteve]

Part of Me: "ALN" Story (Pre-Serum Omega!Steve and Alpha!Bucky Modern Domestic AU)

Sixteen:

Standing in front of his first two gals, Steve brushed the snow from the top of the tombstones. Just as every other Valentine's Day, he placed a bouquet of pink carnations on each of the granite stones. Hating that he couldn't have them there in person. Especially right now.

"Wish you were here," Steve told Sarah. Hugging himself, he half-joked, "I could really use some of that Sarah Rogers Wisdom right about now."

Steve tried to imagine what Sarah would have told him. Surely, it would've been exactly what he needed to hear. She had a knack for that stuff. Always knowing exactly what to say exactly when it needed to be heard.

Worrying his lower lip, he admitted, "I don't know what to do. I think I really messed up, mom."

Sniffling, Steve nuzzled further into his scarf as a breeze blew at his exposed cheeks. The past month and a half had been one of the hardest of Steve's life. Mainly because he had no idea how Ollie was doing. Not really, at least. All texts had been ignored and all calls had been declined.

Sure, there had been updates on social media sites about how happy he was and how much he loved his fiancé. But that wasn't enough for Steve. They had always been a close family, and now he didn't even know how his son was doing. Really doing, not just the façade online.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to be," Steve worried his lower lip. Voice hoarse, he continued, "Every day it gets harder. And I miss him so much."

Of course, it wasn't just Steve that was being ignored. Oh no, it was much more than that. Bucky hadn't been able to get into contact with the eighteen year old and neither had their other sons. Steve knew that not supporting this relationship and engagement would have consequences, but he didn't imagine it would ever be like this.

"All I can do is hope that you're keeping an eye on him for us," Steve said. Looking at Flora's grave, Steve added, "You too, sweet girl. Your big brother needs you more now than ever."

Deciding to message his oldest again, he pulled out his phone to wish him a happy Valentine's Day.

Before he could put the phone away though, it started to ring.

For a moment, he had been thinking about declining it since he was so emotional, but then he spotted who the caller was: Kit's school.

"Hello?" Steve answered, making his way back to his minivan.

"Hi, is this Mr. Barnes?" A woman asked from the other end of the line.

"Yes, this is he," Steve confirmed, heading over to his red minivan. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," the woman assured. "Kit is in pre-rut though, so he needs to be picked up."

"Oh!" Steve's brows shot up on his forehead. Climbing into the driver's seat, Steve started the van and said, "I'm on my way."

"I'll tell Kit."

"Thank you," Steve said, pulling out of the cemetery.

After hanging up, Steve rushed over to the junior high. He couldn't believe that Kit was in pre-rut. Had he been like that this morning? Was Steve too distracted with worrying about Ollie to not even recognize the signs? Did Bucky have The Talk with the twelve year old yet?

Pulling into the parking lot, Steve parked in the deserted pick-up drop-off lane. Too preoccupied to find an actual parking spot, and he figured that it'd be better to get Kit out of there before he went into full-blown rut. After all, he didn't want any of the other kids to present because of his fluctuating hormones, and he assumed that the school wouldn't want that frenzy on their hands either.

Entering the school, he made his way to the main office. The receptionist gave him a large grin and greeted, "Hi there. What can I do for you?"

"I'm here to pick up Atticus Barnes," Steve told the handsome beta. Clarifying, "I got a call that he went into pre-rut."

"Oh, okay," the man nodded and picked up the phone. He assured, "He's in the nurse's office, then."

Steve politely smiled and waited as the receptionist talked briefly to the nurse before hanging up. Placing the sign-out sheet closer to Steve, the petite omega quickly filled it out. Half-wondering if he needed to go to the nurse's office to collect Kit, but before he could ask the friendly beta, he got a whiff of pre-rut.

Turning, Steve found Kit with rosy-red cheeks from his heating body and sweat matting his short brown hair to his forehead. Steve thanked the school personnel and guided Kit out of the building.

"How ya feelin', sunshine?" Steve asked, opening the passenger door for him.

Kit shrugged but didn't say anything.

Steve decided not to press any further and made sure that his son was properly in the seat before closing the door. As he went around to his own seat behind the steering wheel, Steve didn't waste any time to get the vehicle started.

It was the quietest that Steve had ever seen Kit, and it worried him. This was the boy who was deemed the class clown. Always the life of the party. So much so that on parents' nights, each teacher mentioned how, while he was a good student, he could be very loud and distract the other students.

"You wanna get lunch?" Steve asked, reaching the strip where most of the restaurants were settled.

Kit shook his head.

Turning down one of the side streets, Steve headed home. Asking, "D'ya want me to run you a bath? That might make you feel better."

Again, Kit mutely shook his head.

Steve knew that it probably had nothing to do with him personally, but it still stung. From Ollie still ignoring him and now Kit rejecting his help, Steve couldn't help but feel more than a little emotional.

Pulling into their garage, Steve asked, "Do you want me to do anything? Get you anything?"

Shaking his head, Kit kept his focus on his hands.

Brows furrowing, Steve asked, "Is everything okay? You know you can come to me for anything, right?"

"Yeah, I know," Kit assured, voice raspy.

"So," Steve prompted, "Is there any questions? Or anything? I mean, becoming a man is a pretty big change."

"I'm not a man."

Kindly, Steve tried to understand, "What do you mean?"

"I'm not a man," Kit repeated. "I don't feel like a man. But... I also don't feel like a woman either."

"Oh," Steve said. He wasn't sure what to say. Remembering Ian's previous partner, he asked, "You're non-binary? Is that what it's called?"

"I," Kit paused. Nodding, "I think that fits."

"Okay," Steve smiled, reaching over to ruffle their sweaty hair. Wanting to respect his child, Steve asked, "What do you want to go by?"

"I'm still Kit."

"That wasn't what I meant, but good to know," Steve softly chuckled.

"Oh," Kit's brows furrowed before shooting up on their forehead, "How about we just be neutral with everything. That's what Mattie says their parents do."

"Of course," Steve assured with a smile. Wondering, "Who's Mattie?"

"A friend," Kit vaguely answered.

Seeing that the pre-teen was growing more feverish, Steve decided to get them inside. When Kit teetered to the side, Steve quickly wrapped his arm around them to help steady them. It wasn't unusual for heat and rut to make a person woozy, so Steve helped the newly presented kid inside and down to the basement.

Settling them in their bed, Steve casually asked, "Did you invite Mattie to your B'nai Mitzvah?"

"My what?" Kit's brows furrowed deeply when Steve laid them down.

Chuckling under his breath, Steve explained, "It's the more gender neutral of Bar Mitzvah."

"Oh," Kit blinked up at the ceiling. Shivering as their fever grew deeper and hotter the closer they got to full-rut. "Yeah, I invited them. Told 'em it'd be really lame."

Good-naturedly, Steve scoffed, "Why'd you do that?"

"Because it's true," Kit laughed. But assured, "They said they wouldn't miss it though. I think they just want to see me make a fool of myself."

"Well, at least they're a supportive friend," Steve teased.

Yawning, Kit confirmed, "They're the best."

Before they could slip off to sleep, Steve added, "So are you, sunshine."

[sofreddie]

This Is How We Heal (Part 13 - Final)

Summary: Jared and Reader meet due to an unfortunate accident. They talk and end up leaning on one another because they feel no one else understands.

Characters: Jared, Jensen, Reader

Warnings: Fluff

Word Count: 1,445

A/N: I have finally reached the end of this arduous journey. This fic, and those that have commented along the way, have helped me to heal and process my own grief. Thank you so much to everyone who read and commented and joined in the journey.

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

PART 12

Jared was glad to be doing the regular convention circuit once more. He missed his friends, the energy, the fans. It had taken him quite a while to be able to get to this point.

He knew there would be questions so he needed to make sure he could handle it. It helped to have Jensen with him.

As they took the stage for their panel, the fans erupted in cheers, happy to see Jared once more. He smiled brightly, waving at them and enjoying their energy.

Jensen stood just to the side, arms in pose as if 'presenting' Jared to the crowd. Then he clapped along with the fans, welcoming him back. They settled into their seats and began talking wit the fans. It wasn't long before a fan asked how he was doing after everything.

"Well, it's been tough, that's for sure," Jared laughed lightly, "But I had Jensen and Danneel and all of you," he paused to smile as they cheered and clapped for him.

"Y/N has been a big part of that too," Jensen chimed in with a nod, "Our little family's own guardian angel."

"She's a huge part of it," Jared agreed, "She pulled me and my kids from the wreckage. We're all still alive because of her," he wiped a stray tear as Jensen patted him on the back reassuringly, "And she's been my best friend every step through this."

"She was in the other car," Jensen explained to gasps from the crowd, "She lost her husband too. Yet, she still managed to keep us all strong and going."

"She actually encouraged me with AKF and getting back to work and conventions." Everyone cheered and Jared was grateful for the support. The fans backed him completely and it only made him feel more blessed.

They continued through the panel and before long, they were backstage, ready to wrap up the event.

"You look ready to get home," Jensen teased with a laugh.

"I miss the kids," Jared admitted with a sigh. Though he facetimed with them regularly, it just wasn't the same.

"Mmhmm," Jensen smirked, "And it's got nothing to do with the new girlfriend waiting at home?"

Jared grinned despite himself, "Yeah, I miss her too."

Y/N sat in one of the chairs of the circle. She looked around at the empty chairs and took a deep breath. It had been a while since she'd been back to the hospital or the meetings, but this time was different.

Several people started filing in and taking their seats. Y/N sipped on the cheap cup of coffee as she waiting for everyone to get settled. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly before opening her eyes and smiling at the group.

"Hello," she greeted, "My name is Y/N Y/L/N and I am a grief counselor here at the hospital."

It had taken so much for her to get through her own pain and issues. Now that she was healing, she wanted to be there for others, like she had been for Jared. Like he had been for her.

"I've actually been in this group before," she stated, "So I understand where you're coming from. When I first came here, I didn't want to be here. But I needed it."

"Having a support system is so very important. But it also helps to have friends and acquaintances outside of your normal life that you can talk and share with."

"It's not an easy road," she sighed and shook her head, "And there's no set time frame for how long it takes you to heal. You heal in your own way and at your own pace. Don't let others set timetables for you. Just keep moving forward, everyday."

She went around the room, allowing each person to introduce themselves if they saw fit. Some did, some did not. As she looked around the room, there were all new faces. But the familiarity of their grief, their pain, their struggle. They were the same.

When she had decided to go to the hospital and talk to Mrs. Warren, her own grief counselor, she realized she wanted to help others. With the support of Jared and the others, she enrolled in a class to become a counselor.

Although she was nervous, and a part of her was trying to climb back into her trauma just from being there, she pushed on. She needed to focus on building a life, doing something other than wallowing. The thought of helping others made her heart sing with purpose.

Sharing your grief and guilt can be so very hard. Whether with family or a room full of strangers. It's easy to feel like others don't understand or don't care. It's easy to be blinded by the grief and let it consume all that you are.

Fighting is hard. Getting up every day and putting one foot in front of the other is hard. Especially when your grief feels like a ton of bricks on your shoulders holding you down. But it can be done. She was proof of that. So she would pass her healing onto others.

After her spa weekend with Dani, Y/N spent all night staying up with Jared as they lay in bed and talk. She told him about her revelations, what happened with Sara, and how she felt about it all.

Jared was so proud, congratulating her and making her revelations a huge deal. She tried to play it down, but Jared wouldn't let her.

"Jay and Dani said we should celebrate progress."

It was then that she kissed him. Not the sweet, chaste kisses to which they'd become accustomed. No, she kissed him with a passion that made his heart jump.

They made love that night, in the bed they'd shared every night for so long now. Jared had begged her to be his, to be with him for real and completely.

This time, it was easy for her to say yes.

Y/N smiled to herself as she walked through the peaceful cemetery. The warm sun shone down on her. It had been a while since she'd been here. There was usually a sense of dread and guilt and foreboding weighing down on her with every step.

Now, her steps felt lighter. The air felt fresh. The quiet and tranquil memorial park no longer hurt. Now, it welcomed her, to visit those that had passed and pay her respects.

She stopped in front of a large headstone, knelt down to place flowers on the grave and remove the old, dried ones.

"Sorry it's been a while," she said with a small smile, "I've been busy lately. I started as a counselor if you can believe that," she laughed, "I think you'd be proud."

"Liam is doing well too. He's making friends, doing great in school, growing like a weed," she chuckled, "I see so much of you in him sometimes."

She grinned and stood, placing a hand on top of the headstone, "We're gonna be okay," she promised. She glanced over the engravings on the stone, letting her fingers run over his name, Brian.

She turned to leave, starting her slow trek back towards her car. She suddenly stopped, turning her head towards the other grave she knew across the way. She bit her lip, before walking over and stopping in front of the other headstone.

"Hey Gen," she smiled politely. She had so much she wanted to say. She wanted to tell her she forgave herself. She wanted to tell her how amazing her friends and family are and how lucky she feels to be a part of their lives. She wanted to tell her how much she adores her children. How she would go mother bear in an instant over them. She wanted to tell her that she wished there was more she could have done, but she knew she did all she could.

Instead, she hoped Gen knew all of that. That may be someway, she could see her, see all of them. So she made a promise instead.

"I'll take care of them. All of them. I'll do my very best to keep the pain away and soothe it when it's there. I'll be there. I promise."

It was a big thing for her. A promise to stay. A promise to care for them. A promise to care for herself so she could care for them.

But she would try, every day, to live up to it.

Sometimes grief can be a long and arduous journey. But as long as you keep moving forward, keep working through it, one day you'll find yourself healed.

Forevers:

@sis-tafics

@lyarr24

@calaofnoldor

@hobby27

@spnbaby-67

RPF:

@smoothdogsgirl

[babygirlkiki1016]

Tough Love

After what happened to Sammy's girlfriend we decided to pay our respects to her. I could hear the birds chirping as Sam, who is wearing a suit and tie, holds a bouquet of various flowers excluding roses. Me and Dean watched from afar as he walks through an otherwise deserted cemetery. From what I could see Sam sighs and stops next to a gravestone. It reads "Jessica Lee Moore, Beloved Daughter, January 24th 1984 - November 2nd 2005."

"How did she die?" I ask Dean, after a few minutes of silence.

"....She died in a fire."

"I know that...but what caused it?"

"A demon...the same one that killed our mother."

".....I'm sorry....." Dean glances over at me and puts an arm around my shoulder.

"You have nothing to be sorry about....besides, we'll get the son of a bitch." I give him a small smile, then focus back on Sam. I spot a small picture of Jessica grinning that's set into the stone above her name, then a black-and-white picture of her leaning against the stone between a white teddy bear and a wooden box with a crucifix leaning on the picture. Sam looks between the gravestone and the flowers. "I, uh..." I heard Sam laugh. "You always said roses were, were lame, so I brought you, uh..." Sam looks at the picture set into the gravestone, then looks away, choking back tears. He steps closer to the gravestone. "Jess...oh God..." Sam kneels to set down the flowers. "I should have protected you. I should have told you the truth."

I look over at Dean who is just staring at him. Pain was shown across his features, I could tell Dean did not wanna watch this. After Sam put flowers on his girlfriends grave, we went back on the road again. I was sitting in the back while the boys were in the front. Sam was asleep, at least until he jerked awake and sighs as he hears "Hot-Blooded" is playing. Sam rubs his eyes and Dean looks over, concerned.

"You okay?" I questioned, Sam glances back and then away.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Nightmare?" Dean chimes in, Sam clears his throat, signaling he doesn't wanna talk about it.

"You wanna drive for a while?" Sam laughs.

"Dean, your whole life you never once asked me that." I grin and lean forward.

"Hold on, so you've never driven the impala?"

"No, but it's ok. I'll be able to drive it one day." Dean glances over at Sam.

"Yea, still gonna kill you for that little stunt Sammy, letting her drive baby into a house. But uh....I just thought you might want to....Never mind."

"Look, guys, you're worried about me." Sam replies "I get it, and thank you, but I'm perfectly okay."

"Mm-hm." Dean agrees knowing Sams not okay, Sam grabs a map.

"All right, where are we?"

"We are just outside of Grand Junction I believe." I say. Sam folds down the map, which is of Colorado and has a large red X labeled 35-111.

"You know what? Maybe we shouldn't have left Stanford so soon." Sam admits.

"Sam, we dug around there for a week. We came up with nothing. If you wanna find the thing that killed Jessica-"

"We gotta find Dad first." Sam interrupted Dean.

"Not to be nosy but...you still didn't tell me how she died?" I ask.

"Y/n now's not the time." Dean says while looking at me through the mirror.

"....Jess, my girlfriend died stuck to the ceiling with a stab wound in her stomach while being burned.....She was killed by the demon that killed my mother."

"How can a monster be capable of something like that?"

"I don't know, but our mother's death was the whole reason dad started training us."

"Yea..which your dad kinda helped ours with the whole 'how to kill monsters' thing." Dean smiled. "If it wasn't for Y/D/N, Dad would've probably been dead by now." Sam nods in agreement.

"So..with your dad disappearing and this thing showing up again after so many years, it's no coincidence. That's for sure." I pointed out.

"Dad will have answers. He'll know what to do."

"It's weird, these coordinates he left us. This Blackwater Ridge." Sam replies.

"What about it?" Dean asked.

"There's nothing there. It's just woods." Sam puts down the map. "Why is he sending us to the middle of nowhere?"

"Sam it's not the place, it's the monster. Just like in Jericho there could be a monster we have to fight, right Dean?" However Dean stays silent and just keeps driving. For the next few hours no one says anything. I decided since it was quiet that I could get some shut eye and after a few minutes I fell asleep with my cheek planted against the window.

~

When I wake up, the Impala comes to a stop and is parked next to a sign that says "RANGER STATION Lost Creek Trail, Lost Creek National Forest". I follow the boys out of the car, still tired. Sam smiles at me "How did you sleep?" He asks.

"Fine, I guess."

"I think you slept more than the both of us combined." Dean jokes.

"Well see if someone would let me drive-."

"Nope never again!" Sam laughs at our little feud and we keep walking.

"So Blackwater Ridge is pretty remote." Sam says as he looks at a 3D map of the national forest, paying particular attention to the ridge labeled "BLACKWATER RIDGE" as Dean looks at the decorations. "It's cut off by these canyons here, rough terrain, dense forest, abandoned silver and gold mines all over the place."

"Dude, check out the size of this freaking bear." Dean fantasizes, me and Sam look over. Dean is looking at a framed photo of a man standing behind a much larger bear. Me and Sam go to stand next to Dean.

"Eh I've seen bigger bears." I say.

"There's no way." Dean says.

"My dad used to take me hunting, it was part of my training." I laugh. "I took down my first grizzly when I was nine."

"Well there's a dozen or more grizzlies in the area. It's no nature hike, that's for sure, at least we have an expert with us." Sam says, I just roll my eyes. A forest ranger, walks up to us when he speaks, the three of us whip around.

"Y'all aren't planning on going out near Blackwater Ridge by any chance?" The ranger wonders.

"Oh, no, sir, we're environmental study majors from UC Boulder, just working on a paper." Sam laughs a little. Dean grins and raises a fist.

"Recycle, man." Sam's eyes flick to Dean, who doesn't move.

"You're friends with that Haley girl, right?" The ranger asks, Dean considers.

"Yes. Yes, we are, Ranger-" Dean checks the ranger's nametag. "-Wilkinson."

"Well I will tell you exactly what we told her. Her brother filled out a backcountry permit saying he wouldn't be back from Blackwater until the twenty-fourth, so it's not exactly a missing persons now, is it?" Dean shakes his head. "You tell that girl to quit worrying, I'm sure her brother's just fine.".

"We will. Well that Haley girl's quite a pistol, huh?"

"That is putting it mildly."

"Actually you know what would help is if I could show her a copy of that backcountry permit. You know, so she could see her brother's return date." Dean suggests and Wilkinson eyes Dean as Dean raises his eyebrows. After we get the permit we leave the ranger station. Dean is holding a piece of paper and laughing.

"What, are you cruising for a hookup or something?" Sam jokes.

"What do you mean?"

"The coordinates point to Blackwater Ridge, so what are we waiting for? Let's just go find Dad. I mean, why even talk to this girl?" The boys stop on opposite sides of the Impala.

"Maybe we should know what we're walking into before we actually walk into it?" I suggest.

"Pretty smart." Dean agrees.

"Since when are you all shoot first ask questions later, anyway?" Sam wonders.

"Since now." I laugh as me and Sam get in the car

"Really?" I hear Dean say and he gets in as well.

"Could you guys drop me off at the metro store? I need a new phone." I ask.

"No need." Dean smirks at me, and goes through the glove box. Then he leans back and hands me a small flip phone. "There, so you can call us if you get in trouble."

"Thanks..." I take it from him but sigh in sadness, I miss my dad, I thought.

"What is it?" Sam worries.

"I just miss my dad...I mean I left him a letter telling him I was ok but..."

"Hey, cheer up, you'll get to see him soon. Besides everyday we get closer to dad, you'll see him before you know it." Dean smiles and begins to drive away.

Deans Pov-

After we got to the motel, I asked Y/n if she wanted her own room, she just shrugged and said she didn't care. So I originally planned on getting her own room but in all honesty...I don't want her to die like Jessica. So we got a two bed room, she'd have to sleep with one of us. I put my duffel bag on my bed and sigh, Sam does the same. Y/n was outside calling her dad, letting him know she was ok but she had a time limit so he wouldn't track us.

"We'll isn't this place homey." I comment.

"Yeah...so what do you think of Y/n?" Sam asks.

"I've gotta be honest..She's not suited for this."

"C'mon she isn't that bad."

"Are you kidding? Sure she's smart, and pretty, and helpful..." I smiled to myself, lately I've been having weird feelings around her. "She's...badass."

"Dean, kinda getting off topic."

"Right uh, sorry. Anyways, she's never done this before, I don't think she's ready for this."

"Her dad trained her for this, just like our dad trained us. She maybe haven't done this before but she's been a lot of help. When we were facing Constance, if it wasn't for her I would have probably died."

"She's reckless, she drove baby through the side of a house."

"It was the only way to stop her! I probably would've done the same thing."

"What about the dent that suddenly appeared while we were at the bridge?"

"That was Constance-"

"No, if it was Constance then Y/n would have gotten hit. That....That was something entirely different, and besides that she didn't even talk to us for an entire three hours."

"She was scared-"

"We don't have time to be scared!"

"Dean that was her first hunt, look she did pretty well in the end."

"Yeah well...."

"Well what?"

"We have to take her home...."

"Dean come on."

"No!" I stand up and point a finger at him. "You were the one who was angry at me for bringing her into this. Now that I want to take her out your upset?"

"...I-I...Why don't we let her stay a while longer?"

"Why?"

"Dean she was gonna learn about this sooner or later, might as well be now. And if she wasn't here we would still be stuck in Jericho. How bout this, if she gets hurt or acts immature we'll take her home but for now she stays." I stayed silent, thinking about my next move. Should I really let her stay? What if she gets hurt or even worse...dies. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the door open and close, quickly I put a smile on my face and turned to Y/n. Although she wasn't smiling, she was....heartbroken.

"Y-Y/n?" I called out, and with those sad E/C eyes, she looks at me.

"....I'm no longer welcome home."

Y/n's Pov-

*10 minutes earlier*

This was it, the moment I would call my dad after almost a week. Slowly I pressed in the numbers and the phone began to ring as I put it up to my ear.

"Hello?" A gruff voice said, it was dad, my dad. He seemed sad, and instantly I was filled with regret.

"Hey dad...."

"Y/n!? Where are you?!"

"I'm safe dad....it's ok."

"No it's not ok, me and your mother have been worried sick! If I find you with Dean-"

"Dad please I'm just help-"

"No don't give me that bullshit, you are just being rebellious because I was strict on you."

"No I'm doing this because you wouldn't help Dean find John!"

"I only said no because I don't trust Winchesters! And neither should you! They only care about themselves, not anyone else. Everyone they know dies around them!"

"I haven't died-"

"Which is a miracle, but it's only a matter of time. You better come home this instance or I'm sending out a missing person's add. And when they find you with a twenty-six year old man-"

"Your bluffing, even if you did that they would escape."

"Your not safe Y/n-"

"I never was! No one is every safe in this world! Besides you were training me for hunting my entire life so what's the big deal?!"

"Your only seventeen that's the big deal!"

"Well I'm not going home unless they make me."

"They? Who-Please don't tell me John is there!"

"No it's not John, it's Sam."

"Sam? You mean Sam from Stanford? That's even worse! Y/n you have to get out of there! Something...Something is wrong with that boy!"

"There is nothing wrong with him or Dean, I'm staying here whether you like it or not."

"Then you better stay gone cause I'm tired of a disobedient brat like you! If you don't come home right now I-I'll disown you!" Those words, we're like knives, they went straight into my heart. Tears ran down my cheeks as I realized....I would never be able to go home...

".....Wow.." I say after a minute, "...you say you don't trust the Winchester's, more specifically John....but your just like him." And with that I hung up, what else was there to say? If dad wasn't gonna support me helping someone in need then...there's no point of going home. I have to finish what I started, silently I entered the motel room. I could feel the boy's staring at me.

"Y-Y/n?.." Dean called out, slowly I meet his gaze and say "....I'm no longer welcome home."

~

"What do you mean no longer welcome home?" Sam questioned, for the last ten minutes I had been crying my heart out in Dean's chest. I told him how the conversation played out, and by the end both of them were furious.

"I knew Y/D/N had a little anger issues, but to go that far?....That's just low." Dean said.

"Don't worry Y/n...you'll always have a home with us." Sam soothed, making me smile.

"Thanks guys....for the record, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change my decision."

"Well I'm glad." Dean smiled and kissed me on the forehead, making me instantly blush. "Cause I wouldn't want you to change it either." No one said anything after that, we just continued with our mission. Later after we got settled in our motel, we drive to the girls house. We stand at the door and it opens to reveal Haley Collins.

"You must be Haley Collins. I'm Dean, this is Sam and Y/n, we're, ah, we're rangers with the Park Service. Ranger Wilkinson sent us over. He wanted us to ask a few questions about your brother Tommy." Haley hesitates.

"Lemme see some ID." She says. Sam pulls out his fake ID with the name 'Samuel Cole' and held it up against the screen. Haley looks at it, then at me and Dean, then opens the door.

"Come on in."

"Thanks." The door swings open as Haley catches sight of the Impala.

"That yours?" She asks.

"Yeah." Dean says proudly, Sam looks back at the Impala.

"Nice car." Haley leads us into the kitchen, where a boy is sitting at the table on a laptop. Dean turns his head to mouth something to Sam, who rolls his eyes. We show her the permit but she just scoffs and leaves the kitchen.

"So if Tommy's not due back for a while, how do you know something's wrong?" Sam asks. Haley comes back into the room with a bowl she places on the table. "He checks in every day by cell. He emails, photos, stupid little videos-we haven't heard anything in over three days now." She answers.

"Well, maybe he can't get cell reception."

"He's got a satellite phone, too."

"Could it be he's just having fun and forgot to check in? Maybe it dropped in the lake or something." I say.

"He wouldn't do that." The boy at the table says, I eye him, but he looks away. Haley comes back putting more food on the table and says. "Our parents are gone. It's just my two brothers and me. We all keep pretty close tabs on each other."

"Can I see the pictures he sent you?" Sam asks.

"Yeah." On the laptop, she pulls up pictures.

"That's Tommy." She clicks twice and another picture comes up, then the still frame opening the latest video.

"Hey Haley, day six, we're still out near Blackwater Ridge. We're fine, keeping safe, so don't worry, okay? Talk to you tomorrow." I spot something on the video however, it was like a shadow.

"Well, we'll find your brother. We're heading out to Blackwater Ridge first thing." Dean smiles.

"Then maybe I'll see you there. Look, I can't sit around here anymore. So I hired a guy. I'm heading out in the morning, and I'm gonna find Tommy myself." Hayley confessed.

"I think I know how you feel."

"Hey, do you mind forwarding these to me?" Sammy asks.

"Sure." We smile and leave, departing from them.

~

After the meeting with Haley, we decided to go to the bar, after I got a fake ID. Now I was Y/n Dixon, a twenty-five year old female. The three of us were sitting down at a table.

"So, Blackwater Ridge doesn't get a lot of traffic. Local campers, mostly. But still, this past April, two hikers went missing out there. They were never found." I mention as I was using Sam's laptop, he told me I'd probably get better luck if I'd try to find information. Sam was opening John's journal, searching it for clues.

"Any before that?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, in 1982, eight different people all vanished in the same year. Authorities said it was a grizzly attack. And again in 1959 and again before that in 1936. So every twenty-three years, this thing comes out. Okay so since Haley sent Sam the video, watch this." I put the laptop where both of the boys can see go through three frames of the video one at a time. A dark shadow, like the one I saw earlier crosses the screen.

"Do it again." Dean says. I repeat the frames.

"That's three frames, a fraction of a second. Whatever that thing is, it can move."

Dean hits Sam.

"Told you something weird was going on."

"Yeah you were right." Sam smiles.

"The only thing that I know that can move that fast is a werewolf." I state.

"That's what I thought to." Sam says. "However I got one more thing." Sam hands over a newspaper article. "In 'fifty-nine one camper survived this supposed grizzly attack. Just a kid. Barely crawled out of the woods alive." I nod and the hand it to Dean who looks at newspaper.

"Is there a name? Uh...Oh here, Mr. Shaw." Dean reads.

"So then we go talk to him now, right?' I ask.

"That should be the plan." Sammy says.

"Ok what's up with your hair?" Dean asks.

"What?.."

"It was just H/C now it's yellow, is it like some kind of special hair dye?" I grab a lock of my hair, and he was right, it was bright yellow.

"No I haven't dyed my hair since I was fifteen."

"Ok something is definitely going on with you. First dad mentions you, then you somehow put a dent in my car without touching it and now your hair is yellow." The moment he said that my hair changed to purple.

"See there it goes again!"

"I...I don't know." My heart starts beating faster by the second, what's happening to me me?

"Dean I think you scaring her. Maybe we should call Y/D/N.." Sam suggests but Dean shakes his head.

"No screw that guy, look we'll figure it out. For now try to...keep it one color."

"You think I have control over this?"

"Maybe it's connected to your emotions?" Sam says grabbing his laptop and starts typing.

"W-What are you doing?"

"Keeping notes. Maybe if we keep track of what's happening to you then we can figure out what's going on. So purple is fear, then that would mean yellow is joy and when your hair is H/C it means you are experiencing no emotions."

"Well, other than this magical weird...stuff. What now?"

"To the store, we need to get you a business suit, then to Mr. Shaw." Dean says.

"A business suit? What for?" I wonder, but Dean only smirks.

~

Finding the perfect suit was hard, it wasn't until I walked out of the dressing room for the 5th time. This time both of the boys smiled, and Dean looked away blushing a bit. It was like a coat that went halfway down my thigh, however you could see my cleavage a little bit.

"How bout this one?" I ask.

"Y-Yea yea, that's good. Nice and formal." Dean stutters.

"Good, now I guess we buy this and then we can be on our way."

After we bought the suit, we went to go see Mr. Shaw. He talks to the three of us while leading us inside his house. He has a cigarette in his mouth, I coughed a little from the smoke.

"Look, ranger, I don't know why you're asking me about this. It's public record. I was a kid. My parents got mauled by a-" Sam interrupts.

"Grizzly? That's what attacked them?" Shaw takes a puff of his cigarette, takes it out, and nods.

"The other people that went missing that year, those bear attacks too?" The room went quiet. "What about all the people that went missing this year? Same thing? If we knew what we were dealing with, we might be able to stop it." Dean says.

"I seriously doubt that. Anyways, I don't see what difference it would make." Mr. Shaw sits down with a sad look on his face. "You wouldn't believe me. Nobody ever did...."

"Try me."

"I said no and that's final." He huffed, I knew he wasn't gonna tell us. I hesitantly sit down across from him.

"Mr. Shaw, what did you see?...I know you think we won't believe you but your our last resort. If you help us, I promise you we will get revenge for your parents." He looks at me like I was lyin, but sighs in defeat.

"Nothing. It moved too fast to see. It hid too well. I heard it, though. A roar. Like...no man or animal I ever heard."

"It came at night?" Shaw nods. "Got inside your tent?"

"It got inside our cabin. I was sleeping in front of the fireplace when it came in. It didn't smash a window or break the door. It unlocked it. Do you know of a bear that could do something like that? I didn't even wake up till I heard my parents screaming."

"It killed them?"

"Dragged them off into the night." He shakes his head. "Why it left me alive...been asking myself that ever since." Shaw's hands go to his collar. "Did leave me this, though." He opens his collar to reveal three long scars. Claw marks. Sam and Dean look at them. "There's something evil in those woods. It was some sort of a demon."

~

The three of us walk the length of a corridor with rooms on either side. "Spirits and demons don't have to unlock doors. If they want inside, they just go through the walls." Dean says.

"So it's probably something else, something corporeal." I state.

"Corporeal? Excuse me, professor."

"So what do you think?" Sam chimes in.

"The claws, the speed that it moves...could be a skinwalker, maybe a black dog"

"No it looked more human...what about a Wendigo? I don't know. I can do some research when we get to where ever were goin next." I offered.

"Where were goin next is our motel." Dean says. We drove back to motel, and I get out of the car as Dean opens the trunk of the Impala, then the weapons box, and props it open with a shotgun. He puts some guns in a duffel bag as Sam leans in.

"We cannot let that Haley girl go out there."

"Oh yeah? What are we gonna tell her? That she can't go into the woods because of a big scary monster?"

"Yeah." Dean looks at Sam.

"I may not know much about monsters Sam but that is probably the most stupidest idea." I intervene. "Besides her brother's missing, Sam. She's not gonna just sit this out."

"Then we go with her, we protect her, and we keep our eyes peeled for our fuzzy predator friend." Dean says picking up the duffel.

"Finding Dad's not enough?" Sam slams the weapons box shut, then the trunk. "Now we gotta babysit too?" Dean stares at Sam in annoyance.

"What?"

"Nothing." He throws the duffel bag at Sam and walks off. I follow in pursuit, when I walk through the door Dean looks at me and Sam who is behind me.

"So Y/n, you have to sleep with one of us tonight since there's only two beds."

"She can sleep with me." Sam offered.

"Well I mean it's up to her."

"I don't care, you two do rock, paper, scissors shoe whoever wins gets the bed to themselves."

"Alright seems fair enough." Dean says and holds out his hand in the formation. Sam rolls his eyes and throws the duffel bag onto one of the bed then gets into formation.

"Ok one, two, three!" I count down and both of them go, Dean chose rock while Sam chose paper. Dean smiles but quickly hides it and enters the bathroom.

"Is it just me or is he happy that he lost?" I ask making Sam shake his head.

"That's a first, though if he tries anything let me know. I'll let you sleep with me."

"Eh if he tries anything I'll break his hand." Sam chuckles.

"That's our girl."

~

Later that night all three of us was in bed. I couldn't sleep though, I still kept hearing my dad's words over and over. "I'll disown you", how could he say something like that to me? Tears began to form, I cover my mouth trying to keep quiet but Dean heard me.

"Y/n?" He quietly calls out. "You ok?"

"Y-Yeah...."

"Is this about your dad?...." Slowly I nod and Dean pulls me closer.

"It's gonna be ok, ok? He didn't mean it, he probably just said that so you'd come home....if you ever wanna...don't hesitate."

"But you said once I'm in this-"

"And I was wrong, your just a kid, you don't deserve this life...." I could hear the sadness in his voice, I look up at him. Those big green eyes stare down at me, making me smile.

"Neither do you...."

"...It'll be ok, I promise." He gently puts a hand on my cheek and caresses it with his thumb. I felt that urge, I wanted to kiss him, it was the perfect moment. It was like a moment in a movie where everyone is waiting for that kiss, waiting for the love to blossom. I slowly lean in, while staring into those beautiful forest green eyes. He doesn't move, which makes me nervous and my hair turns purple.

"Why are you scared?" He asked. "Was it something I said?"

"No I just....No it wasn't you....well I guess I'll let you sleep. Goodnight Dean." Quickly I move so I'm facing away from him, my cheeks are burning. Did I really just try to kiss Dean?

The New Hunter Masterlist

@samsgirl93 @nani-gram @eliwinchester99

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 15.03: “The Rupture”

THEN: Ghost/spirits/whatever, blah blah blah. The only thing of note here is that they choose to remind us that Sam is fated to kill Rowena. But I'm sure that doesn't mean anything. There are tons of reasons to include this. Tons.

NOW: We're still in Whatever-this-place-is-called, Kansas. Ghosts/spirits/whatever are still flinging themselves against the barrier. Sam's still in charge of the hunter troops. Expanded Team Free Will is back in the graveyard and they've got a plan that Rowena insists will work. It's a powerful spell that will "patch those holes up" in time for tea. (Rowena is back in a dramatic gown today, but I don't like the casual jacket she's wearing with it.) All she needs is a ghost-free space, which happens to be the mausoleum the gang found in 15.01. No one's thrilled about that. We also see the opening to Hell itself, which is a giant hole in the ground. It doesn't seem to give anyone PTSD, though.

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The gang salts the perimeter of the mausoleum while Rowena mixes up her spell, and right away something evil starts banging on the doors. She recites something not-English, her eyes glow purple, and we see the battered barrier glowing purple as well. But then she looks disturbed and the purple glow fades and she gets more and more upset and then collapses. "We're all going to die!" she says.

Title card!

Rowena asks for a drink and then has to clarify that she means "a real drink," and we have a cute wordless conversation where Sam requests Dean's flask, Dean says what, MY flask, Sam says yes, asshole, and Dean says sigh, okay. It's precious.

It is, unfortunately, impossible to screencap, but I'm sure someone will GIF it. In the meanwhile, let's enjoy concerned Winchesters.

Rowena says the spell can't work because the spirits are too wild, too desperate, too angry, and too numerous. No magic on earth can stop "those walls" from falling. Within hours. (Did we really explain the walls? I guess it's the walls between earth and Hell? And why plural?) Dean decides they're going to keep fighting as long as they can. He tells Rowena to make more of those soul collectors, but she says it's pointless. Probably because Sam's wearing the orange jacket, so she doesn't see any reason to prolong the agony. She says she may have been able to shore up the wall if she'd gotten there sooner, but now the wall is too damaged for her to save.

Belphagar leaves, ignoring Dean's "where the Hell are you going!" and Cas goes after him. Dean continues yelling that they're not going to give up, that's not who they are, and Sam silences him with a single hand motion because he knows how I feel about him being Chiefly. Sam crouches next to Rowena and puts a concerned hand on her shoulder and asks if she needs anything because he knows I also love him being soft and concerned.

Who DOESN'T know?

Hey, if you don't want to read some serious Sam fangirling, you're in the wrong place. You should realize this by now.

Belphagar and Cas are out in the cemetery, where no one is bothering them even though something was knocking pretty vigorously on the mausoleum door. Belphagar wanted to look at the giant hole into Hell. "Where it all began."

Meanwhile, Dean's loading up. He's not just going to wait for the world to end, he's going out fighting.

He's angry and backlit, and I love both of those things.

Sam sits next to him and they have a lovely dark conversation where Sam says he's out of ideas but acts like he thinks there still must be something they can do, and Dean says Chuck's "sloppy-ass ghostpocalypse" isn't going to be the last word and acts like he thinks there's nothing they can do but die fighting. And Rowena just sits sad and quiet and alone, paging through the Book of the Damned. I do like that she kept it and uses it in front of the Winchesters. But she says she hasn't found anything useful.

Back outside, Belphagor says the opening in the ground isn't a door or a gate, it's a tear. And he has a plan. "Lilith's Crook" is a horn that Lilith used to control her demons - it can corral all demons and bring them back home. (BTW, nobody reacts to the name Lilith either. It's like seasons three through five never happened.) It's in Lilith's chamber, which is unsealed now that every door in Hell is open. If Belphagor uses it in Hell, all the demons and spirits will be sucked into Hell, and then Rowena can close the door once they're not pushing against it.

Rowena confirms that she has "a spell of my own devising" that she could use to close the door. Well, she said earlier that there were any number of spells she could have tried earlier, so surely this is one of those spells. It's a healing spell - if the opening is a wound, not a door, this will allow it to heal and close up. Sounds reasonable.

It will require perfect timing, and she'll need some strangely easy-to-obtain ingredients (which seems to be a theme this season, doesn't it). And an assistant. "Dibs on Samuel. You're as close to a seasoned witch as we've got in this lot." (!!!)

She also needs someone to hang out at the edge of the hole and toss the figurative "bomb." And it will be dangerous, so Dean naturally decides that's his job. Belphagor drafts Cas to go with him, since he'll need help getting past all the pissed-off demons and ghosts who will be down there. "Yeah, Cas will go," Dean says coldly. "You've been to Hell before." Well, I mean, everyone in this room has been to Hell before (assuming we count Rowena's visit to Limbo as Hell), so. Cas glares at Dean, clearly thinking yes, I harrowed Hell to raise you, and I regret it every day.

Cold and yet HOT.

Hospital. Ketch wakes up just in time to get killed by the demon Ardat, who astutely notes that he's protecting his friends and won't give them up. There's your redemption arc, Arthur Ketch. I hope you enjoyed it. Moving on. (Also, doesn't Ardat look like a cross between Joanna Gaines and Meghan Markle?)

Cemetery. Belphagor asks Cas how he's going to get out of Hell before Rowena seals it up, and makes sure Cas realizes that his buddies don't care that he might not make it out. Cas pushes Belphagor into the hole and jumps in after him.

Mausoleum. A hunter shows up with supplies and Sam gives her directions on what to do "if this goes sideways," even though those directions should probably be "kiss your ass goodbye." Dean gets a text from "Ketch" and responds by laying out their plan and providing their location. Uh oh.

Hell. It's actually mostly empty. Belphagor claims he made Cas come because he just wanted company, and he wants to become best buds with Cas, having wormed his way into the Winchester's hearts. "Sam and Dean are just using you," Cas says. "Don't mistake that for caring about you, because I can assure you, they don't." OH, CAS, YOU WOULD KNOW, WOULDN'T YOU. Cas reminds Belphagor that he's an abomination, and then opens the door to Lilith's chamber, which is being looted by another demon. Belphagor's friendly with the guy, but Cas kills him. Awkward.

The crook is in a box marked up with Enochian symbols, which apparently couldn't be read by any residents of Hell other than Lilith. (Well, we can assume the residents of the cage could read it, but.) Good thing Cas is here! So convenient. The markings are actually a song of praise to Lucifer. Cas reads it, but nothing happens, and Belphagor says "They're verses, Cas. I think they need to be sung." We don't have to listen to Cas sing the whole thing, but we do get Belphagor mocking his angelic voice.

The demon then tells Cas to make his escape, which kind of surprises me - I was sure this set-up wasn't meant to end with Cas surviving. Cas tentatively holds the horn out to Belphagor, but then is flung across the room by none other than Ardat. She expositions for us that Lilith's Crook would have allowed Belphagor to rule Hell. She begins to smack Belphagor down, but Cas attacks, and holds her off long enough for Belphagor to stab her with his angel blade.

Cas asks him if it's true he wants to rule Hell, and he's all, no, I want to rule EVERYTHING. He'll suck the power of all of the souls into him, and he'll become a God. "I don't think so," says Cas, and runs toward him. But Belphagor blows the horn, and the ghosts/spirits/whatevers start flowing back into Hell, and into Belphagor.

Cemetery. Dean approaches the hole and wonders where Ketch is.

Mausoleum. Sam is anxious, and wants to be outside, fighting. Rowena makes him read the book as she prepares the spell. (What is he reading? He's not reading aloud. What's the point? Is he memorizing it?) When they hear Belphagor blow the horn, Rowena announces "it's time." She and Sam hold hands (d'aw) and recite the spell. I guess he was memorizing it after all. The spell bowl begins to glow purple, as does the "bomb" I didn't even realize Dean was holding. Dean tosses it into the hole without even wondering if Cas will make it out. So I guess he's still mad at Cas, if you were wondering.

Hell. Cas finally makes his way to Belphagor and tackles him, stopping the horn. As Cas punches the demon, his sunglasses fall off, and he looks up at Cas with his burned-out eyes and pleads for him to stop. "It's me, Jack." Gotta say, Alex does a good job here of playing someone trying to sound like Jack and not quite succeeding. I was afraid Cas would fall for it, but he doesn't. In fact, this inspires him to do the glowy hand thing and burn Belphagor - and Jack's corpse - to a crisp. Too bad you didn't wait until he sucked up all the souls, Cas.

Topside. Sam calls Dean and learns that something doesn't feel right, and the crack is closing up. Meanwhile, Rowena picks up a knife and plunges it into her own shoulder. As Sam watches in horror, she reaches in and pulls out "my last resurrection sachet - won't need that where I'm going." She tells him the Lilith's Crook plan may have been his only shot, but she still has an option. Because magic can contain anything. Even Hell, as long as she's willing to pay the price.

Horrified/confused Sam. Mmmmm.

She tells him "death is an infinite vessel" but he doesn't get it yet. All she needs for this spell are two ingredients. Sam's all, you have them here? Why didn't you tell us? "Because, dear, the first ingredient is my own still-coursing blood, and the last is my final breath." She'll absorb all the spirits and then throw herself Hell (!!!) and then, when her body eventually rots and the spirits are released, they'll be back in Hell. (So I guess she has to toss the wound-healing spell in there too, somehow, but that's just details.) Sam tries to stop her with the Single Upraised Finger of Reason, but not only does she ignore that finger, she tells Sam he has to be the one to kill her. Y'all, I always love the Single Upraised Finger of Reason.

I would obey this finger.

Topside. Cas made it out of the Hell. Wow, I was worried there for a minute.

Mausoleum. Rowena insists Sam has to be the one to kill her, because the spell requires her "real, permanent demise," and Sam's the only one who can do that. It's in the books. "You know what?" says Sam "Screw the books." YES SAM.

Topside. Cas tells Dean he killed Belphagor and the crook was destroyed.

Mausoleum. Sam tries to take the knife from Rowena, but she holds it against her body. "I don't care about anything enough to take my own life. Not you, your brother, not even the world. But I believe in prophecy, I believe in magic, and everything we need to end this is right in our hands." I don't know, Rowena. Those books you're so insistent on believing? They've been known to change. Sam rests the knife against her but he's still fighting it, even though she's shouting "kill me, Samuel!"

Then she clamps a hand on his shoulder and says "I know we've gotten quite fond of each other, haven't we? But will you let the world die? Let your brother die? Just so I can live?" Oh, well, that was the right thing to say, wasn't it? (Also, can we just appreciate Rowena admitting she's quite fond of Sam?)

Topside: Dean yells at Cas. "This was our only shot! What the hell were you thinking?" I like that Dean doesn't even consider that Cas may have had a very good reason for killing a demon.

Mausoleum. Sam says a shaky little "no" and I think he's saying no, I'm not going to kill you but I am so wrong, because he goes in for what looks like a hug but he's actually plunging the knife into her abdomen. He holds her close as he stabs her and then pulls back to look in horror at what he's done. Rowena PUTS HER HAND ON HIS FACE AND SAYS "THAT'S MY BOY" AND SHE'S NOT DEAD YET BUT I AM. Then she pushes the blade in further, because apparently Sam didn't do it hard enough, which brings up an interesting question - what if Sam's stab wasn't fatal? Does any of this still count?

SAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!!!!!!

Topside. As Rowena walks to the Hell hole, all of the spirits are seen flowing into her wound. I want Sam to hug her again, without a knife (OMG IMAGINE IF SAM HAD TO ACTUALLY PUSH HER INTO THE HOLE) but instead they hang back. She turns and says "goodbye boys," just like her son did, stands at the edge, and then dramatically falls into the hole just before it closes. Sad MacLeod music! (which I rather like)

Goodbye, boys.

Aftermath! Sam's sitting sadly on his bed. Dean comes in wearing a single layer, and it's a henley, and Sam's entire shirt is unbuttoned, so thank you baby Jesus for this bit of comfort we surely need after all that hurt. He asks how Sam is holding up, and Sam doesn't answer that question. He just wipes his eyes and makes a how do you think noise and asks if there's any word from Stevie, who I guess is one of the other hunters. Yeah, and the word is that the town is good, but Ketch is dead. "Bad. Probably demon."

We did it though, man. It's over. God threw one last apocalypse at us, and we beat it.

...

Yep.

What you did. Rowena. You didn't have a choice.

...

I know.

Oh, Sam! His soft sad little "yep," his reaction to Ketch, the way his little face scrunches up when Dean says Rowena's name... And Dean's trying to hard to be supportive.

Oh boys.

Aftermath part 2. Dean's drinking whiskey when Cas comes in and asks how Sam is. Dean's very short with him, and asks why he didn't just follow the plan. Because sure, Belphagor was going to suck up all the power of every soul in Hell and become the worst Big Bad ever, but Dean thinks they just would have figured that out afterward. And Dean has a point, but I don't know if it's the one he thinks he has. Cas didn't know Rowena had a self-sacrificial Plan B in mind. The only information he had was that if Belphegor didn't trap all the spirits in Hell, they'd end up destroying the world. And he killed Belphegor anyway. So yeah, Dean's mad because Rowena is dead, but the issue IMHO isn't that Cas's actions forced Rowena to take extreme measures, it's that they would have destroyed the world had she not been able to do that.

The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong.

Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?

You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me. My powers are failing and I've tried to talk to you over and over and you just don't want to hear it. You don't care. I'm dead to you. You still blame me for Mary. I don't think there's anything left to say.

Where you going?

Jack's dead. Chuck's gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it's time for me to move on.

Sad Winchester music!

Oh. Wow. That was really cold, Dean. Now you're not trying to be supportive at all.

But we get your angry face, which I adore.

So! There's a lot packed into this episode, isn't there? So many deaths. I was surprised that both Belphegor and Ardat bit it, since I presumed one or both of them would be Big Bads this year. Are we down to just Chuck, then? There's also whatever Billie is cooking up with dead Jack; I guess that could be badness. Ketch is gone, which I'm honestly fine with. The only bad thing about Cas walking out is that it means we're going to have a separate Cas plot again, which I'm not thrilled about. And Rowena. I mean, I love her and will miss her, but I should be gutted, and I'm not. Is it because I know we're saying goodbye to all of them soon anyway? Is it because I've decided this is going to happen? Maybe.

But that's so many deaths for one episode. Is this the endgame? Just killing every supporting character we can think of?

And let me just point out that if any of this plot feels familiar - Rowena recognizes Sam as a witch and has him do a spell, secretly comes up with a world-saving spell that requires her death, and forces Sam to fulfill his prophecy by stabbing her, no matter how hard he protests - if any of this feels the slightest bit familiar, could it be because I ALREADY WROTE IT? Maybe.

(Waves to Robert Berens, who surely reads my LJ.)

Anyway. Please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!