#this analysis isn't as good as other stuff I've done but. yeah

[dongslinger--420]

Ok but. The scene in s2e09 "The Shot" fucking breaks me and here's why. BoJack sees Kelsey as a merge between his parents and Herb, what with her being older than him and jaded but also she's a boss figure. And for this reason, BoJack spends a lot of time (shown most in "Chickens" but also a lot of the season tbh) trying to win her approval because she's not giving it to him willingly. He keeps going about it in the wrong way, as we see in Chickens when he is trying to turn her actual literal daughter being in danger into a fun day out, but I think the biggest issue with this is actually that he doesn't really have anything to prove. Kelsey purposefully sought him out for the job because she genuinely believed him to be the best actor there, and although she shows frustration at him not being able to do his job properly, she does still keep this image of him in mind. Which is why the thing that actually does lead him to win her approval is him delivering a genuinely good performance, and said approval just comes in a simple recognition of his skill. BoJack has been in desperate of simple appreciation from his parents (reflected in stuff like the "I see you" theme from Free Churro) and he has been missing the attention and extremely intimate love of his performance that Herb gave him while he was directing him, and Kelsey's "no, I knew" quote manages, in three words, to deliver both to him perfectly. And THAT'S what breaks him. Between the sheer emotional connection he feels towards this woman, and the lack of this connection that he received from the people he wanted it from the most, it just becomes too much for him, and THAT'S what leads him to start crying. It is one of the most layered, emotionally intimate moments of the entire show, and it breaks me every time I watch it.

[nekropsii]

On the topic of Eridan Discourse (eridiscourse?) earlier, I typed up a very long ask this morning (brought to mind by the discussion) trying to pinpoint a specific thing about the way the fandom handles transfem Eridan headcanons that rubbed me the wrong way. Instead of sending it I spent the rest of the day pondering it. Because the thing that was nagging me wasnt "people do it in a mocking way" and certainly not "headcanoning characters as transfem is cringe" and I finally figured it out.

(it feels wrong to use he/him in this context/phrasing so she/her it is) I feel like a lot of transfem Eridan content treats her transitioning as a cure-all for her negative qualities (sometimes explicitly as a punchline to the joke! but a lot of the time more subtly too) in a way that doesn't even necessarily come across as transphobic so much as just plain old misogyny. And yes, if you want to explore something like "once she solves this problem for herself she's able to deal with resolving her harmful viewpoints" that's cool and I get it! I might be more onboard with the headcanon if I saw more content that took itself seriously!

But most of the time it comes across as a binary of "girl will not be as shitty as when she was a boy because that is how Girl and Boy genders work" in a similar way to some June characterizations that replace her character traits to make her fit a certain image of "Girl". Beyond that (even in tons of March Eridan doodles that aren't even straight up drawn in the mocking light of the original) I feel like that same issue comes up in a ton of transfem Eridan art--she's just so flattened and sanitized even by people who seem to be genuinely trying to portray her in good faith.

This also kinda brings to mind the occasional discussion I've seen of transfem Cronus which I believe you've commented on before. My guess for most content I've stumbled on of that (including stuff I've seen one of my good friends create!) is that it's a riff on the March Eridan stuff (which afaik is the reason transfem Eridan is popular in the first place) and not taking the implications/fulfilled stereotypes it brings up into account...which (once again) seems to usually be avoided by tidying up the character flaws and ignoring negative actions to create a Good And Proper girl character which. yeah, isn't much better.

Anyways WOOF that got long but hey I think it was somehow originally longer before it became actual analysis. idk, do you think this checks out? ( oh I added some formatting inspired by how you write posts in hopes it makes it easier to follow...)

Yeah, I don't tend to be a fan of transfem!Eridan works - and even some June works - because a lot of people handle it in ways I just find... Iffy. If it's not weirdly oversexualizing a 13 year old, then it's acting like Transition is a magical Cure-All for every single one of your issues as a person. I don't think it's valuable to pretend that realizing you're Queer automatically deletes any prior character flaws. It's harmful, even - plenty of people will discover their gender doesn't line up with what's been expected of them, or that their attractions aren't a part of the cisheterosexual norm, and... Believe themselves to have done all the legwork necessary to wash their hands clean of any other bigotries. Plenty of Queer people are bigots - be that lateral bigotries, or racism, or ableism, or what-have-you - it's more common than anyone wants to admit. There is a reason that the Progress flag exists, you know?

Eridan and June tend to get flattened down to very stereotypical ideas of the gender of "Girl". June's wildly out of character and portrayed more like fanon!Jade, than... Well, herself as she appears in the comic. Eridan's issues are sanded down to the point where all she is is an evocatively posed barely-teenage mannequin in a skimpy outfit. Both of them are regularly portrayed as having had their issues blip out of existence the second they realized they might not be guys. The transfem!Cronus headcanon will never make sense to me and never be morally okay to me. To say Cronus is Transfeminine is just outright violent Transmisogyny, no matter who it's coming from. That's not even a fucking conversation. It isn't a debate. That's not cute. Really? The guy who fakes minority statuses to try to sleep with people? The aggressive, hyper-bigoted sexual predator? The sex pest who isn't above repeatedly sexually targeting children, one of which he is related to? That? You saw that and thought "That's a trans woman"? Really? You're seriously saying that with zero ounce of shame in your body? Go to hell.

Back to June and Eridan - Part of the issue is Misogyny, yes, but I feel another issue coming to play is that a lot of Tumblr seems to view Queerness as inherently Virtuous, rather than a normal thing that people just happen to be sometimes. Tumblr's prone to very... Unwittingly Catholic mindsets, and Queerness being inherently Morally Cleansing is definitely one of them... And it goes... Extremely unchallenged, all of the time. It's pretty grating, honestly.

[mellosdrawings]

Was playing through ignihyde chapter and I cam across the part where Leona told Jamil off abojt his behavior essentially saying Jamil was useless and not needed to do stuff. Jamil most likely didn’t understand where Leona was coming from. Cause Leona isn’t as “weak” or “unaware” as Kalim. So he didn’t need the protection of Jamil.

Leona was also kinda wrong for the way he delivered it. And it was also covered around with insults

Where I’m getting at is what if Jamil still lingers on with what Leona says and kinda backs off or feels useless around Leona. Kinda being more awkward cause he realized what Leona meant

Some angst for the ship skdndfjsjsjs hope this makes sense 🌸

Ok so, you probably expected some comic/fic ideas about this, but their dynamic during the STYX hellscape had me obsessed for months and you unlocked it all with that ask. It won't be necessarily shippy but it's a long rambling analysis.

ALL THE SPOILERS FOR BOOK 6 AFTER THE CUT!

Their dynamic is so terrible (/pos), I wasn't expecting them to get along the least (honestly thought Riddle and Azul would throw hands at some point, I've also obsessed on their over-confident/under-confident dynamic but that'sfor another time), but in retrospect it makes sense.

I always find Jamil's behavior to be cringe but there are reasons for it. Really he's the one who struggles the most (not counting Idia) during this chapter.

He's the only Vice Housewarden in the group, and also a servant. When it comes to choosing the groups he doesn't give his opinion at all and just goes where there's still place (with Leona) and then rely entirely on his habits and upbringing with him. His role is to protect the fancy person that accompanies him. Usually it's Kalim, but here it's an actual prince who could rain hell on the Asim should he get wounded while under Jamil’s charge.

Jamil thinks about his duty first, that's why he so overbearing until Leona tells him off.

Because Leona isn't Kalim. He’s a lazy twat (/affectionate) but he can also be very independent and he’s probably one of the strongest mages in NRC. He doesn't need Jamil to protect him. If anything he should be the one protecting Jamil considering he is younger and less experimented. (Plus Leona has his pride despite the laziness)

While Jamil thinks of his duties, Leona uses situational logic. They're in a dangerous position where they don't have time to play master and subordinate, it'd be a hassle if Jamil gets wounded.

And it does become a hassle when he gets wounded.

Seriously their dynamic was good.

But also Leona is terrible at communicating. It's a running theme that he expects others to understand his meaning from minimal explanations. For Jamil who is used to Kalim who is rather transparent with his needs and wants, that's a difficulty to tackle.

Add to that the fact that Leona can't help but rile others with his words and you quickly have a Jamil who doubts himself and starts to put himself down.

Again.

Because he's always put down. And this time by an actual royalty.

Like, yeah, Leona was a dick to him and didn't consider the pressure of duty Jamil constantly has on his shoulders. But also... he wasn't wrong. Jamil puts himself down even without external pressure. He's all talk but the only time he actually did something was when he overblotted. During Book 5 he showed no change in behavior except to accept the spotlight when handed (and even then his first reflex was to put Kalim forward, because that's what he's always done.)

While terribly worded and mostly unaware of Jamil's actual situation, Leona was right to set Jamil straight. He could do more. He should do more.

And Leona sees himself in Jamil. That's the moment when you get a glimpse of actual N2 squad. Leona knows they're both constantly second, but where he has no exit door, he sees one for Jamil. He might not stay a servant his whole life. Especially since Kalim is very fond of Jamil. It might take time, but Jamil might still have an exit door to his freedom. (And if Jamil ends up marrying Leona the exit door becomes glaringly obvious)

I like to start the LeoJami relationship right after this book precisely because there's no way Leona’s words didn't kick the ants' nest inside Jamil’s brain, and because Leona shows genuine interest (and a smidgen of care) for Jamil.

And yes, despite Leona cheering him up in his own way by the end of the chapter, he still said a lot of harsh words. Jamil is a notorious overthinker, he would probably alternate between the "I have more potential to growth than others" and "I'm completely useless and would fail to do my job if I stay that way, which would have repercussions on me and my family".

Leona sees potential in him. That's actually huge, you know? So far the only ones who did were Azul, Vil (about dancing and singing at least), and maybe Kalim? But here you have a prince making him understand he's got potential.

Their relationship after STYX is definitely a mess that can turn angsty really fast on Jamil's end, I agree with you. But sometimes you need to break a rock to show its shiny insides. You can get from this with Leona lazily helping Jamil out of his comfort zone (because, once more, Leona sees himself in Jamil) until Jamil improves and finds his self-confidence once more. From there the angst has calmed and you can go to the lovey-dovey stuff!

Does any of this make sense?

I'm done rambling. That was a long one :')

[raayllum]

I think sometimes the way I approach fic / meta writing / analysis stems from how I character build and write my OG stuff as well, because while the classical writing advice is about asking "what does your character want?" I've always found it most useful to ask "What does your character want, and what are they willing to justify to get it?"

(Asking how they justify their actions is also incredibly useful but more on that later.)

For example, when ('good') characters are under stressful situations and respond well regardless, we take that as being indicative of who they Truly Are—heroic, helpful, selfless, often even compassionate, etc, and when antagonists behave that way, we dismiss it as just glory hounding or being selfish, when it can Be multiple things at once.

When ('bad') characters respond poorly to stressful situations—threatening harm, using dark magic to saved loved ones, being angry and cold hearted—we take that as who they are, and when it's the protags, we say they're stressed or coerced or any number of things... that are true for the antags often, too! And still true even if you don't like them or have as much compassion towards them.

But unfortunately sometimes people are rarely inclined to do the opposite. They're rarely inclined to take antagonists' good moments as honest statements of their character because "well they're mean/evil" and often dismiss protagonists' complicated or less than stellar choices because "well they're good and they feel bad" (Viren saying he'll never forgive himself for the things he's done even when they saved his son, and Claudia crying over what she's done to save her father? yeah those scenes don't exist anymore sorry).

The fact of the matter is that, at least in TDP and in many other works (including my own), actual antagonists are not always evil and awful and morally bankrupt 100% of the time, and actual protagonists are not always perfect or good or making the right choice (because sometimes there isn't one, tbh).

Who your character is at their best and their worst, regardless of circumstance, is ALL of who they are. It all has to be taken into account. No cherry picking. Rayla can be selfish and dismissive and a liar who routinely fails at whatever she sets out to do and is awful at communicating, and Viren can love his kingdom and his family and genuinely believe that's what he's doing everything for, and neither encompasses their whole character. A perfect example is Claudia, who we cheer for when she chooses Soren over the world-saving mission of the egg in 2x07, and despair at when she chooses Viren over the world-saving mission of maybe not freeing the dangerous imprisoned Startouch elf in S4 and S5. Same principle, character, motivation, different circumstance, but we're happy about Soren (because he's not Viren) and bummed about Viren (because he's not Soren), and because character traits are consistent, and whether those traits are good or bad is inherently circumstantial. Claudia's loyalty can be great, and it can be a terrible, awful justification. Both of those things are true.

To be clear, this isn't to argue for false equivalency: Viren and Claudia and other antagonists are far more often Wrong than the protagonists are, and the protagonists are routinely more Right than our two favourite dark mages are. TDP likes its complications and circumstantial stuff, but there's still some things that are Bad No Matter What (like gaslighting your child, or routine dehumanization). And some of our associations are because antagonistic characters tend to be routinely cruel and mean, which are part of the horrible things they do, and protagonist characters are routinely kinder and more compassionate to the people around them, and protecting each other / innocent people is part of what makes them a good person, but... There's no inherent difference between a lot (not all, but some) of the actions the characters across the board take, particularly in arc 2, just their perspective and who we're personally more attached to and thereby more willing to justify their decisions surrounding.

Like idk my main WIP protag buries people alive en masse and tortures someone vindictively because they killed her friend and I'd still classify her as a Good Person (fictionally), and it's just always wild to me when people don't take All Parts and Choices and Relationships of a character into account especially because TDP spells it out for us over and over that we Should with quite literally every single character, whether those actions are good or bad:

Once again I am asking for encompassing wholes and character nuances where the only time a character should be like "well it's totally fine that you did a Thing actually" (Rayla towards Callum's dark magic use or Callum towards Rayla lying to/stealing from him) or "totally not okay that you did a thing" (Runaan about Rayla sparing Marcos, or Claudia doing dark magic) is taken as an aspect of Character Bias, not a definitive Narrative get off the hook slant or condemnation, because neither of those things Get us anywhere in a writing or analytical sense thank you

[magicwhiskers29]

More Prime season 3 thoughts/analysis, because I'm not done!

Time to talk about Shadow again!

He honestly came back after episode one a lot faster than I was expecting, haha. I really thought they would do a season 2 again, and wait until like. The final episode to give him time to do anything much, except for maybe give the odd line here or there, but I was pleasantly surprised to see him from episode five onwards! (I also did keep expecting him to have a snarky one-liner for Nine any time we cut back to Nine exasperated at stuff not working, but... That wouldn't exactly make sense with the explanation for where Shadow was...)

For starters, yeah, him having just been fighting robots the whole time checks out. That... was what he said he was going to do... Makes his uh... bloodlust? For a fight with Nine more understandable too. I'd want a fight with the guy who'd been sending robot clones after me all day, too.

But... His dynamic with Sonic! This was such a good conclusion to it! In episode one, we saw him finally show a bit of trust in Sonic, and here we see him fighting alongside Sonic, that trust paying off best it can. He offers to keep helping. This is a big display for Shadow, who previously in this show wanted to just get things done himself.

I was a bit concerned at first about how they seemed to be not including him as part of the friends Sonic wanted to save, but no, they were just holding back. And I think that divide is deliberate, the same way it is with Nine. Shadow isn't just someone he's found in the Shatterverse and wants to now save; Shaodw is someone he knows from home. The kind of saving Shadow needs is very different.

And... the thing is, defining Sonic and Shadow's relationship in this show is difficult, and also really interesting. (Yes, they're every fruity aghkgkghgjkhhhjjh, but in a more serious sense...)

At first, we get the sense that they don't like. fully hate each other, but that they do not listen to each other, and definitely would be best known as rivals. The implication at the start of season 1 is that they show up weekly to brawl or something. Because they don't agree on things, and tussle over the smallest things.

In season 2, Sonic is thrilled to see someone from home, even if it is his rival, and basically seems to use that to declare Shadow his friend on the spot. (Kinda like how he assumes all the Au versions of his friends are just his friends because the originals are, at first.) Shadow still sees Sonic as his rival at this point though, and more importantly, as someone who caused this mess, and is thus too unreliable to fix it. He attacks Sonic to get him out of the way, and probably also to vent a little bit. They are not prepared to work together in s2e1.

Through out season 2, we see them have to work together, for better and worse, and yeah, they still don't really losten to each other. Sonicnot about Nine, and Shadow in only focusing on the mission -- still assuming Sonic's flaws are faults. They aren't really team players.

But then! S3e1! Shadow starts to plan around Sonic's flaws, and Sonic starts to listen. They actually put trust in one another, and it's quite clear that they do care about each other, even if before they'd both just thought of each other as rivals. I've talked about this before. Shadow starts trying not to get angry at Sonic fo his mistakes, and they both try to understand each other.

And when they reunite? They start fighting together again fairly seemlessly. Shadow has Sonic's back for the big fight scenes, even if he has gone off to do his own thing again. (Sidenote, I really like the implication that maybe Shadow really did want to prove himself better than Grim Sonic, quite possibly just because Sonic said it could be modelled after him too lmao) Shadow doesn't even complain too much when Sonic hugs him and introduces him to everyone! He just gets on with things, becaus ehe knows things are serious, and he does sort of trust Sonic.

And hey! By episode 6, he's not the one saying that they can't trust Sonic's plan! He has no objections to it, and goes along with it!

He goes for Nine still at the end, because of course he does, but he stops when Sonic tells him to. He does trust in Nine for Sonic, and... Well, he lets Sonic make the sacrifice. His facial expressions (Sorry, don't have screenshots this time...) make it clear that he is reluctant to do so, and hates this, but he doesn't complain. He knows it's the only way, even if he has now realised that it will hurt him to lose Sonic.

Shadow standing on the other side to Nine, flanking him too, in the sacrifice scene, alongside him being the first to mourn, really does put into perspective how Shadow here has come to care. How he is more than just another in the crowd of Sonic's friends.

And THE ENDING. AGHHHHHH! Him saving Sonic at the end was adorable, and the line about hugging? He doesn't even deny it! He likes being close to Sonic now!! 🥺

And I really do get the sense that he's learnt something too, in the end. He trusts Sonic and Sonic's growth, so they work together in the retake of the prism fight. That little nod before the chaos control of the prism is everything. (Sonic 06 vibes haha)

Their banter is also on point... When Sonic mocks him saying "Modest, too" after the first Ultimate Life Form line? Love it. Made me laugh a little in shock. Same deal with the hugging line, haha.

They're immaculate. From a sonadow perspective and a character dynamic perspective, I love their dynamics, and I love the feeling of their parallel arcs where they grow around each other and for each other.

Oh, also I forgot about it before, but when Sonic yells out for Shadow and sounds so worried mid-battle?? That's his link back home! That's the guy he's doing this quest with!! They both want the same thing, so it's so fitting that they need each other for it, and in the end, they make it together. Shadow saves Sonic by bringing him through the gate to Green Hill, and that is the big symbol of change.

He couldn't go through gates before. But just like at the start of the season, thanks to Sonic, he finds another way. He makes it through in this new, fixed universe that he helped to make.

[scramble-crossing]

2 3 10 12 13 for the ask game!

2. A headcanon you weren't sure about at first but have come to like! Ok this is hard to answer because I forget what's canon and what's intricately-woven-into-my-brain headcanon but I'll say the "Kariya was an Angel" theory! I never disliked it, but I never liked it more than the simpler explanation of "Oh he's just been around the block a couple of times, that's why he knows more than the average Reaper but still couldn't pick out Joshua as the Composer-that stuff's above his paygrade." Even now it's not "canon to me" level of headcanon, but I can see the appeal and really I appreciate anything that inspires people to look a littler closer at characters like Kariya or Uzuki. Also it's really good when played for comedy. His ass is showing up at the Angel convention, stealing as many appetizers as he can, and bouncing before anyone can point out that he got fired 30 years ago for skipping meetings to go play Tin Pin with random Wall Reapers.

3. A character that fandom has helped you appreciate It's too easy to say Coco so Beat! It's embarrassing to admit but I kinda had a bone to pick with him when I was first getting into the series for sorta "replacing Sho" in neo. I didn't think he was as interesting (and to be fair he really isn't in neo until you take his relation to Rindo's arc into consideration; he works wonderfully as a back for Rindo to hide behind even if his own story was very much concluded by the end of the first game. Then there's also his dynamic with Neku, which is very very good, but he didn't need to be a player character for that. Anyways). Beat analysis posting made me actually pay attention to him while replaying the games and realize how much I'd missed skimming over him in W2 (the poor guy's really gotta try to compete with fan darling Joshua and Sho, aka the loudest fucking man alive, for screen time). His stint as a Reaper is incredibly fascinating. I forget who, but I always distinctly remember someone talking about Beat getting prepped to try and deaden his heart and become as brutal and merciless as a Reaper is supposed to be before ultimately choosing kindness in both his siding with Neku and sparing Kariya and Uzuki in W3 and man.....yeah. He's just such a good guy. He's easily in the top 10 favs now, if not the top 5

10. A blog (mutual or one you follow) that has made your fandom experience brighter Well....yknow....

There are a LOT of others and I'm too shy to tag but goldensunset (incredible analysis) playtwewy (fav fics ever) sho-minamimoto (awesome art + sho headcanons) dj-of-the-coven (made me love beat) purplelea (also incredible analysis) bitternami (very kind and wow I read a fic of yours once and it blew me away...I will remember to find it and leave a comment soon) leonvilasi (always leaves fun and interesting comments in my notes) off the top of my head and a whole bunch of people who aren't as active in the twewy fandom anymore or whose art I love and the people I always see leaving funny tags in my notes you're all awesome <3

12. Compliment someone else in your fandom AUGH HELL ON EARTH!!! dandelion2302 I absolutely adore the way you draw Sho your art is amazing.................

13. Your favorite type of fandom event (gift exchange, ship week, secret santa, prompt meme, etc) Yknow I've never actually done any fandom events before twewy! I had a blast during the twewybang and while I probably won't participate again for a while (I'd rather finish the fic I wrote for the 23 one first) it was a wonderful first experience with this sort of thing :]

[lutiaslayton]

So uh. Hi, I finally made a decision I probably should have made a long while ago thanks to talking a bit on Discord: for the sake of my sanity I will not be keeping up the weekly schedule after all 😔 Layton's Book Club updates WILL be posted exclusively on Saturdays at the decided time, instead of at any random time in the week, and I will likely make a few heads up when we're on a lucky week during which you'll get an update, but I will not force myself to make it happen every single week. Simply because at least right now, it is physically impossible for me to do so. (Chapter 1 Part 1 of Illusory Forest is going to be the end of me, and not just because I am still questioning if the author was under the influence of some Folsense gas while writing it.)

That being said, I believe this should actually be treated as good news, and not just good news for my personal health. Because, sure, the updates will not come out as often as I had originally planned to. But in the long run, I actually believe that since I no longer plan to force myself to only work on one thing (which has progressively been eating at my sanity on top of that because darn it this chapter is stupid and it just doesn't seem to END, + it'd be nice if I could finally get some content out that is my creation rather than somebody else's), it means that I will actually allow myself to post more diverse Layton stuff in the meantime.

Stuff like the Evan Barde post I made a few days ago, or other helpful-for-the-fandom stuff that isn't translation work, or… even maybe stuff like finally allowing myself to write SLS and draw random stuff again? Or even read other people’s fanfics and comics and AUs and stuff? (ok technically that last one would probably not lead to tumblr content but shush it means I would take time to look at YOUR content for a change)

The list of stuff I'd like to post in the future includes but is not limited to:

A tutorial on how I get my translation stuff done despite the fact that I do not actually speak Japanese. Best case scenario, this might even lead to some brave people among you to start helping me with this monumental task that is translating multiple novels and games from scratch while you're not even fluent in the language you're translating, and this would be a MASSIVE weight off my back. (spoiler alert: while I do use DeepL to check stuff and/or get inspiration, my work is NOT limited to simply copy/pasting sentences into it and then copy/pasting whatever it gives me back)

The Playthrough series! You had all forgotten about it, hadn't you? Yeah, me too.

Lore analysis stuff in general. I have a massive, absolutely insane project ongoing which is basically "Want to find some info about X? Just open that one (1) web page, enter a few tags such as a specific character's name or location, clich the Search button, and get a list of every single known fact which is related to all of your tags which is summarised down to the bare minimum fact, along with the exact source and quote directly taken from the source material."

Puzzle theory stuff. I've talked about it a lot, it'd be cool if I could finally get the stuff sorted and actually provide all the evidence supporting, refining or challenging it in one place. Above-mentioned lore analysis stuff should help with that.

More fancy shitpost such as the ones found in the #lutiasdraws tag. Let me join in on the fun pls it's good for my mental health to get some serotonin out of non-boring stuff. Heck, perhaps I might even do fanart/shitpost about some fanfics/AUs/others I find and enjoy.

That being said, I apologise to everyone who was hyped at the idea of Illusory Forest updating weekly, but I hope you'll still enjoy the stuff I'll be posting here. If not, blacklisting tags is a thing! I tag everything diligently so for example if you're tired of seeing me ramble about stuff (I do that a lot lately, sorry for that 😭), you can just block the #lutiastalks tag. Yes I finally decided to make #lutiasreplies exclusive to actually replying to asks or reblogs, and use #lutiastalks for random news stuff. yay to self-care and cleaning up my house, head, and tumblr blog.

[casualavocados]

the true eclipse

Buckle up, folks, this is going to get long.

What seems to be the most popular theory people have derived from the symbolism in this series casts Akk as the sun and Ayan as the moon in an eclipse. @grapejuicegay (kk) and I, through a number of posts and a bunch of dms, have been breaking that idea down to its barest functions, starting with:

“I don’t actually think that Akk is the sun. I think that credit belongs entirely to Suppalo, and Akk, [...] is just a representation of that sun.

I think the eclipse is Ayan’s influence on Akk blocking out the influence of the sun.” (ref: kk)

Suppalo's emblem is literally an image of the sun. And it’s not just Akk being affected here by the moon! It’s everyone! It’s Kan, Thua, Wat, and the entire student body.

“During an eclipse, when the moon covers the sun the sun’s influence is reduced. So if control over the students is through the sun, the moon covering it would mean the loss on control.” 

- (ref: kk’s post about lighting and cinematography)

That made me think though about Ayan saying "even if i wasnt here this would still be happening" - so yes Aye is the moon to Akk, and a figure many of the characters go to for advice - but as a whole The World Remembers group is actually the moon to Suppalo.

And while Ayan supports The World Remembers, he’s not actually behind what they’re doing. The protests started before he joined the school. He’s given them encouragement, but lately they’ve been growing their own support from others in Suppalo, and they’ve done that all themselves.

And kk had something absolutely galaxy brained to say about that too in our dms:

The World Remembers WOULD still be doing everything they're doing now without ayan around and they WOULD reach the same conclusions and the only reason we don't think that more is because this show has been diverting our attention this entire time. i've been rewatching old episodes a little bit and the only reason there's any connection between world remembers organising stuff and ayan is because AKK KEPT SAYING IT and he was always wrong but he said it so much that it just became this thing that was like, yeah ofc.

WHICH ALSO. SUCH a good way to show brainwashing??? they're not even showing it, they're just doing it to us [the audience] so that at some point we might realise it's happening and it's like you're not special, it can happen to anybody. everybody is susceptible to propaganda.”

And here’s the real kicker: BOTH of these parties - The World Remembers group and Ayan - have differing motivations that are leading towards the same goal. Both are devoted to searches for the truth, and are uncovering oppressive regulations in the process. Aye is searching for the truth about Dika, and The World Remembers is searching for the truth about the curse - asking for a proper investigation into who could be trying to hurt the students and tearing down Suppalo’s credibility as they go.

(there's already been a lot of analysis into the other ideas they represent: the fight for no uniforms which has led to a criticism of homophobic society and the way oppressive systems benefit from heteronormativity specifically - so i won't say more of that here)

The point is...the real eclipse is truth and knowledge outshining fear and oppression.  

...But surely Akk has a bigger role in this, right?

To us, Akk can't be the sun because he isn't being covered up, or smothered, like the moon does to the sun - he's being brought out of his shell instead.

And so here is a special shoutout to @singharit​’s theory that made kk and i lose our minds:

“something something the way how akk is associated with water and the sea and how so many moments i can think of that involve him opening up to ayan also involve water in some way. [...]  

the way how ayan is the moon, steady and sure [...] being not just a light in the dark for the other students wrt truth and justice and the concept of shame, but also the very thing that controls the tides with its gravitation pull.

We both adore this idea, not just because water is the exact opposite of fire, but also because it's a symbol of change and erosion. The longer Akk spends around Aye and his influence, the more he opens up, the more he changes, the more he questions, the more his original brainwashing by Suppalo/Chadok/the sun to focus on rules wears away into embracing the freedom of expression and being himself. 

“the way how during an eclipse, the tides are the highest that they’ll ever be.”- ( @singharit​ cont.)

As Akk’s relationship with Ayan grows, the eclipse draws closer, which leaves only one question left to ask: What will happen when the eclipse arrives and the tides reach their peak?

TLDR; The real eclipse is truth and knowledge (the moon) outshining fear and oppression (the sun). Akk is affected by the moon, changing like the tides the longer he is in it’s influence.

[rabbiteclair]

Hello again!

Wanted to ask your opinion (and if it exists, the canon explanation), on how flying works in touhou, and who is/isn't capable of it.

Can literally every youkai fly with magic? I'm guessing not since at least Nitori has a backpack copter, and I don't recall any Kappa flying in the mangas either. Which indicates that character sprites floating in the mainline games don't necessarily imply flight. Which means everyone is sus.

(And could Sanae fly before coming to Gensokyo? Is ignoring gravity a Shrine Maiden thing or does her and Reimu's flight differ?)

This is one that's bugged the hell out of me for years, because for all that we joke that the series is about girls flying around shooting lasers, people rarely fly in the manga. Like it happens, but mostly seems to be in emergency sort of situations, or when there isn't a good alternative. There are some exceptions, especially if you count people just kinda hovering, but in general I get the vibe that most of Gensokyo doesn't really fly unless they've got good reason to.

... and sometimes not even then, considering Marisa free-climbed up fucking Youkai Mountain.

This also seems to vary a bit from manga to manga. I haven't exactly done a full survey of them, but I think SSiB shows a lot more + more casual flight than the others. (If I had to guess completely offhand going on nothing but my memories, for amount of flight Sangetsusei > SSiB > WaHH > FS. I'm way behind on the ongoing ones so couldn't tell you there.)

Some of this can probably be chalked up to SSiB being a bit more action-oriented than the others. Beyond that, maybe ZUN's thoughts on the matter have changed over the years, or maybe he just tells the artist to draw 'Marisa heading up the mountain' or something and leaves it open to their interpretation. Maybe I'll do an actual numeric analysis if I get bored and have about 15 spare hours sometime.

... but that rant's only tangentially related.

The ability, at least, seems pretty ubiquitous. Putting aside the stuff in the games, GoU in particular implies that basically everyone involved is flying. Even Wakasagihime. If you wanna get technical Sanae says she's 'swimming through the rain' but that's flight as far as I'm concerned. I'm gonna say if the mermaid can fly, basically everyone past a specific level of supernatural prowess can, and Nitori's backpack helicopter is the flight equivalent of a bicycle.

So at 'congratulations you are now strong enough to participate in Incidents' level 1 everybody unlocks Fly and Shoot Bullets, I guess. Are these just really easy tricks to master if you've got supernatural power, or does something about Gensokyo make them a lot easier to do? idk, and the only support I can think of for either side is that nobody seems to struggle with it once they get into the outside world in ULiL. I default to the former interpretation, but the latter could be fun to mess around with.

But, going off of the stuff above about people choosing not to fly in the manga, I'm gonna guess that flying is a lot easier for some people than others. Aya in particular seems to do it rather more often than everyone else, and it'd make sense for it to come more naturally to her. Kasen shows up flying on her pets quite a bit in WaHH. So maybe flying everywhere would just be like someone who runs everywhere. Like, yeah, you could, but very few people would willingly do that to themselves without a good reason, even if it's a killer time savings on paper. Plus there are social aspects to consider too--flying through the middle of the village seems like it'd raise a bit of a ruckus, and completely break cover for any of the stealth youkai.

Finally, for Sanae--I've always figured she could fly before Gensokyo, just because it's fun to think about. But then I am a known enjoyer of the 'Sanae had miracle powers, could fly, and talked to goddesses every day starting around middle school, and it led to problems' interpretation.

(And, in general when I'm writing the setting I throw in a good bit more casual flight, both because it's cool and narratively convenient.)

[go-to-the-mirror]

I really wanted to draw for this episode, but my head's been kind of messed up lately, so I'm just gonna ramble I guess. I've been so excited for this episode :3

Firstly, this is one of my absolute favourite episodes ever, and I Will Not shut up about it, because it's so good! Literal suburban hellscape!! To be honest I relate a little more to the other themes in this episode, being quiet fear, no one knowing or caring that you died in some supernatural suburban hell, and your body is just rotting there. An irrelevant name, an irrelevant face, just another victim of this place. Spooky stuff! Not too afraid of suburbs themselves lol, though I doubt many are.

This episode is SO neat! :D Right, on with the ramble/analysis because I have GREAT words for this episode.

@a-mag-a-day

Content warnings for everything in this episode + some themes of domestic violence/abuse.

Before we go ahead with the episode, here are some highlights from text conversations.

WHEN YOU CANT TRUST COMFORT!! (MAG 162, MAG 170, MAG 181, MAG 186, MAG 187 (to an extent)) MAG 150 (I love Cul-de-Sac and will never shut up about it) MAG 188 but when Jon' talking about how The Lonely is familiar to Martin and how the suburbia domains have quiet suffering (Will never be over that actually i have So Many Feelings) MAG 32 I can make a little quote thig one second actually because I have Thoughts god i'd be so cool on tumblr but i'm too anxious to post there, this is a tragedy [...] "I was going to die. I knew that now, just as she had, just as anyone else who came here had. How many corpses lay waiting behind the placid façade of this endless false suburbia?" Screaming Every time I think about cul-de-sac it becomes even more my favourite statement

(Messages to Mapleejay, 22 December, 2022)

One day I am going to write a statement and it's going to be like eye, lonely, idk, but it's definitely going to be eye and lonely and it's going to be so horrifying because combination false comfort + THAT being desperate for help people watching and laughing and judging but passing by + that line from cul-de-sac I'm obsessed with [...] Being lonely isn't just about being alone physically Being alone in an uncaring crowd [...] No one knows or cares what you're dealing with The line from cul-de-sac is "Her face was bloody but I was sure I didn't recognize her. She had a bag with her, and her ID read "Yetunde Uthman," not a name I'd ever encountered before. Just another victim of this place" but also "How many corpses lay waiting behind the placid facade of this endless false suburbia?" And "I checked to see if I could find anything out about Yetunde Uthman, and I did find a few old social media profiles, but I wasn't able to get through to any family or friends. As far as I can tell she disappeared a year ago and nobody noticed."

(Messages to Mapleejay, 29 December, 2022)

Now, onto the actual reaction, posting it on tumblr dot com because I am no longer too anxious! Hell, I might even post the previously mentioned compilation of quotes with commentary! Fun times.

You’re all alone, trying to connect with people, trying to find your place in the world, but in the end the only person you really know is yourself, and even then, not all that well. There’s plenty of things I’ve done I couldn’t explain to you.

Shout out to that time my sister tried to convince me that she knew me better than I knew myself. Not in a malicious way, mind, we were kids, and she just figured that because she could remember more of my life, she knows me more.

Yeah, I mean, I guess it's for everyone I guess, but here I am with my impulsivity and memory issues having no idea why the hell I did so many of the stupid things I've done. You whole life is just justifying to yourself the decisions you've made, so maybe I'm just not grand at that /hj.

“What an idiot! How the hell could he have done such an obviously stupid thing? How was I surprised it went so badly? What a relief I’m now so much older and wiser.” Except that last part never really turns out to be true, does it? The line of when you were your dumb younger self seems to keep moving forward with you, until each more mature and reasonable version of you eventually falls foul of it and becomes a young idiot.

A year ago, I thought I had really worked on my anger and just become an all-round nicer person to be around, and then I look back and realize that yes, my anger was still very much there, and also that I was quite... passionate? I am still, I'm pretty loud, it comes with the territory, and that can be misinterpreted as or become anger, given the right (or wrong) circumstances.

It's not really worth it, is it. I can berate myself from 4 years ago for being an angry, clingy little prick, but there's not really a point anymore. I understand them, I understand why fae was angry and clingy and sort of mean, and now I know how to not be angry and clingy and mean, and being angry at your younger self really doesn't accomplish anything. This is @ jon sims, pull yourself together man.

The thing is, when we both found ourselves in positions to be working from home, we actually thought it was going to be really good for our relationship. The two of us, spending all our time together; we reckoned it was going to be real romantic. We were real stupid back then.

If I know anything from the statistics of domestic violence in the pandemic, then yeah no. No. Not that their relationship was abusive or anything.

Also, I like how Herman goes from saying how believing you're much older and wiser is a lie, to saying that they were really stupid "back then," there's something in that. I don't know what.

Hell, technically it’s not even a suburb. It’s just a village that looks so much like a suburb that you could pull it up drop it on the edge of any dull town in England and it would look the same.

Can't believe the suburban hellscape episode isn't even set in a suburb.

Just street after street of identical, blandly pleasant houses, all winding around each other in dead ends and cul-de-sacs and one-way streets, making sure every house has plenty of inoffensive garden. I’ve never seen people happily living in a place so obviously dead.

CAN I QUICKLY TALK ABOUT GRASS?

Grass, the short lawn grass, it's not great. It is bad for the environment actually. Suburbs slash neg.

Just that last bit of that paragraph. Real.

I’d say that cheating on him was a foolish act of past me, but honestly, it’s one of the few decisions I’ve ever made that I completely understand. I didn’t even try to hide it, not really, and when he found out and it all ended, I kind of hated myself for just how relieved I was that I’d finally be able to leave that place, to get in my car and drive away from that gentle suburban nightmare.

I like that phrase, "gentle suburban nightmare."

I got a cheap apartment in Liverpool and tried to tell myself I was happier. The single life, footloose and … sitting at home binging bad TV. I tried to get back into the club scene, but honestly, I think I’m just too old now. The music was too loud, the drinks were too expensive and the sort of thing I used to take to be dancing all night now hit me with a comedown so hard that I had to write off almost the entire week.

As mentioned above, I don't really think The One Alone is only about physical isolation. It can be, sure, but I feel like it's also about the failure to connect. There are so many people and none of them see you, and you don't see them, and there's an insurmountable difference between you and them.

It didn’t help that, over the course of a ten-year relationship, “my friends” had become “our friends” and there weren’t any of them siding with me in this situation. Some would drop platitudes about maybe reconnecting after the fallout was done with, but I know when I’m being handled by people who “don’t want to create any more drama.”

✨ loosing all of your friends at once ✨

Ah... good times, good times.

It's like, not only have you lost one person, then you lose everyone, and if you had anyone left you just sort of... assume you don't. It's so easy to cut yourself off, and when you've done it once you can do it again, and again, and again, and again.

I don’t know. I was younger, then. Foolish.

There is something there!

Then Jon does a litte laugh, assuming in statement character, so I'm guessing the statement giver was laughing at himself. Neat detail.

It was late when I got to what I thought was his street, driving through the one-way signs and well-maintained gardens that bordered that snaking road. The sun had disappeared, but the sky was still fairly light, that late-summer twilight that seems to just drag on forever.

Mate, I love the aesthetic of the fog and The Lonely, but that's not really what feels lonely to me. This feels lonely, slightly humid, sun shining into your eyes, slight breeze, no one around, flat and empty.

Yes, I know I'm just describing an Ontario summer.

There was no answer at any of them. There were no lights on behind the drawn curtains, and all the house numbers were zero.

It's so freaky! The growing dread, you know this could almost be an I Do Not Know You statement, what with the things playing at being normal houses, and the tv show shown later.

I wished I hadn’t thrown away the wristwatch Alberto had given me, but it was too late for those regrets.

I may be reaching, but could this be a microcosm of Herman's regret at having thrown away him and Alberto's relationship, and seeing it as too late to salvage it. Now he's left with no way to tell the time, as it were, in a manifestation of The Lonely.

At the start, I was counting how many houses I passed, but when I got to a hundred, I stopped. It was beginning to eat away at my careful rationalisations, and I couldn’t allow that.

I'm just highlighting it because I find it interesting how his mind works. Not in a bad way or even a good way. It just is.

I marched up to a nearby front door, prepared to kick in the flimsy-looking wood, but trying the handle revealed it was unlocked. I don’t know why I picked that house. It was exactly identical to all the others, and I’ve often wondered if there was anything that drew me to it. Perhaps I was just unlucky, or perhaps there only ever was one house.

I just really like this section. "Perhaps there only ever was one house," should be up there with "the blanket never did anything," as creepy lines. The theme of inevitability. This is going to happen, there is only one possible way this can end.

It feels tired, that's the lonely to me. Just being tired. You can cry all you want, you can be afraid but... at the end you're just tired and alone and it hasn't changed a thing. Inevitability in that way.

Or maybe, inevitability that you were always going to be alone. Maybe there's just something wrong with you.

Hhhh I love this episode so so so so so much.

The lights worked, which was a relief, and the inside looked exactly how I expected it to. And I mean, exactly how I expected it to: from the blank IKEA furniture, to the subtly-patterned cream wallpaper, to the picture frames lining the wall containing what were clearly stock photos, each of a different family pantomiming a scene of domestic bliss.

Firstly, the line "pantomiming a scene of domestic bliss" is just so... I love it so much. I love this episode so much. A family home, a happy family home from the outside looking in.

Secondly:

I did find several pictures of her and her new boyfriend though, which puts my mind somewhat at ease. Well, mostly. There’s something about him that doesn’t seem quite right. Something about the smile, maybe? I mean, they’re all pictures of Sasha and Tom, as I’m told his name is, having fun together, but… it’s hard to put into words exactly, but every one of them looks somehow like a stock photo.

(MAG 57 - Personal Space)

I could point to this and say that this is an example of it potentially being The Stranger, however I'm going to use it to point out something else.

You’re thinking too literally. Examining the physical categorisation, but ignoring the meaning of the thing. What are the bones? In the Distortion, your “Michael”, the structure of a skeleton, an established reality in your mind, is twisted and warped into an impossible form. But in other cases? Are they a symbol of slaughter and butchery? Are they the familiar made wrong? Or are they simply part of the messy, physicality of flesh?

(MAG 80 - The Librarian)

What matters is what it is, in this case the stock photos, what matters is what it means, what it makes the person looking at it feel. In Tom and Not!Sasha's case, it's representing how Not!Sasha is pantomiming as a real person, everything looks like a stock photo because she isn't actually a person going on dates with her boyfriend, she's pretending to be.

The stock photos in this episode are representing the pretense of this home where atrocities are committed being a normal family home. It's set up like a little suburban home, beige walls, sofa tv, family pictures, lovely place to raze a child - sorry raise a child - just so long as you ignore the blood dripping down from upstairs!

She was talking, or at least, it sounded like she was. The cadence and the sounds were so much like English that it took me almost a full minute to realise that she wasn’t actually saying words.

I recently relistened to episode 48 - Lost in the Crowd, and it's reminded me just how much I like the little bits of it focused on language. Easy to feel alienated when you don't know what people are saying.

The Lonely and The Stranger are pretty similar - one could say that they're part of the same thing and separating them with no room for nuance was a stupid thing fictionalized Robert Smirke - but yeah I mean, it's pretty easy to feel lonely in a crowd of people you don't know. The Lukas', the crowd, these people on the TV, they're all strangers, people you don't know who you feel scared of.

It's interpretation, really.

I hit the remote again. A shopping channel. The host was a tall, clean-shaven man with close-cropped hair. He was holding a brick and talking about it in that same flow of non-words, that still had a familiar salesman’s patter. The screen scrolled the message “buy now!”, though there was neither price nor contact details, as this man, who wouldn’t look at the camera, earnestly pretended to sell me a brick.

Firstly, Spamton G. Spamton is that you? Secondly, this is so freaky, I like it a lot. Just someone really trying to sell you a brick in complete gibberish, that's just so cool! Jonny just blew it out of the water with this one (it's my favourite non-metaplot episode).

I didn’t know them, as it turned out.

OOOOH JUST! HM! Just another person, dead upstairs, unknown even in death, not missed, alone even in death.

"I didn't know them."

She had a bag with her, and her ID read ‘Yetunde Uthman’ – not a name I’d ever encountered before. Just another victim of this place.

The line "just another victim of this place" is making me so unbelievably bouncing at the walls, tearing and ripping. Just another person, one of a million, just happened to be here, just another victim of this place.

I... don't know how to describe what I'm thinking when I hear that line. Just another victim of this place, just another poor unfortunate soul (in pain, in need) who somehow stumbled upon this suburban hellscape and died for it. Just another person with no one who would miss them, no one who'd notice they were gone. Just another lonely person, one of millions.

I am so abnormal about that line.

It looked as though she had forced her head through the mirror on the dressing table, the shards cutting her face and neck to ribbons, a particularly large piece piercing her jugular, spilling blood all down the unremarkable white table and onto the light brown carpet below. I don’t think she’d been dead that long, but I’m not a doctor and I didn’t really try to check.

I like how it's noted that their blood was spilled onto another piece of set dressing for this ordinary suburban household. "Spilling blood all down the unremarkable white table and onto the light brown carpet below." Noting the how the table is "unremarkable"... I just think that's neat, you know? How her blood has shattered the illusion of a normal home, a normal family posing in the picture frames.

How many corpses lay waiting behind the placid façade of this endless false suburbia?

Quiet terror. Private terror - you can't let anyone know. Put up a united front, and let things fall apart at home. Houses so put together in the front exactly like the others, but when you get inside there is the unmistakable sent of rot.

I need to write something with this, good lord.

Also, this reminds me of a line in 188.

ARCHIVIST But if you think there’s a lack of violence or suffering, then I’m afraid you’re mistaken. There’s plenty, it’s just… hidden. Trapped behind identical doors and down silent streets of unknown neighbours. The suffering here is deep. And it’s private.

(MAG 188 - Centre of Attention)

I say this as if I did not already think this already. I was not just reminded, I think about this podded cast quite a bit.

He was calling me; I don’t know how. But the tears came even faster now, as I answered, sobbing with relief to hear him yelling at me for taking so long. Had I forgotten? Was I even planning to bother? I tried to reply, to explain, but all I could manage to say, to get through the shaking sobs, was, “I love you.”

That's just a really beautiful moment, you think you're going to die and then you remember you love someone, and then someone comes to help you, because people love each other.

It's just... I really love that the way to beat The Lonely is love. Being loved, loving, not necessarily romantically, but human connection, love from person to person, in families, romantic partners, strangers, friends.

I think it's really great, I think this moment is really great, and I know Gerry says there are no entities of hope or love but I don't think we need them, 'cause we love enough on our own.

We’re working on it, the two of us. We’re not exactly back together yet, but I think it’s going well.

Yay! Fuck yeah! They're okay, or they're getting there, and you know what, great for them, great for them. Goddamn horror podcast with hope? And love? Hhhhh /pos.

As far as I can tell, she disappeared a year ago. And nobody noticed.

I've said this before in this, and I'll say it again. That really gets to me. Just being alone there, having no one even look for you, notice that you're gone, even care.

It's... horrible.

It’s not that easy though. When everyone has so many walls, so many defences, sometimes you can feel lonely even when you’re all in the same room. But it’s better than the alternative, and at least none of us are suffering alone.

That must be so awkward, like they all have so much baggage with each other, what do they do? Play scrabble? Jenga? They can't play cards 'cause Jon would accidentally cheat - or they'd accuse Jon of accidentally cheating - which sucks, because Sevens is fun. I learned Sevens from some guy in a pub in Ireland. It was fun.

MELANIE Jon, have you got a moment? ARCHIVIST Uh, course, I was just, um, having a statement. MELANIE Oh … A-an old one? ARCHIVIST Wha— Yes, an old one! I’m not— I’m doing my best. MELANIE Sure. ARCHIVIST What do you want?

My first reaction was "there was no reason for it to get so antagonistic in five seconds, Melanie" but then I reconsidered, and I understand why Melanie would say that, but why did she though? Like, what was the reason? He's in his office? The statement's right in front of him? Why? Like, fine, whatever, I get it, I can be nice and nuanced or whatever, but sometimes I don't want to and I want to get a bit miffed at Melanie for making it an angry conversation when it didn't have to be.

MELANIE Look, I’m not going to do my job anymore. ARCHIVIST I’m not sure I follow. You know we can’t quit. We’ve all tried. MELANIE I didn’t say I was going to quit. I said I’m not going to do my job: no researching, no filing, no field trips, nothing that is going to help the Institute in any way. I’ll still be around, I just … I can’t be a part of this anymore. If I get sick, I get sick, and if I die …

I get why they were still doing their jobs, out of the fear of getting sick or dying from it.

MELANIE Because this place is evil, Jon. And so, doing this job, helping it out, even in small ways, is in some ways evil tool. Every time we try to use it to do good, it just seems to make everything worse. And … And I will not be a part of that anymore. ARCHIVIST What about the Unknowing? W-we saved the world. MELANIE Did we? I-I mean, I think it was the right thing to do, but how many people were killed to do it? W-we weren’t even a neutral party. We did it as agents of The Eye, because Elias told us to.

Yeah! Yeah it is evil! Good on Melanie, honestly, for Jon it's... less of an option, but I'm glad Melanie's doing it. Also why is she nearly spot on-

MELANIE Martin put him there. A-and he’s still doing harm! You ever think that maybe this whole ritual business is just an excuse, and that we’re all just part of some huge, miserable fear machine?

So, what if I told you-

I mean, she's not wrong. She is not wrong.

Does this count as striking? Is she striking from her evil eye job?

MELANIE Right, right, okay. I know. That is why I ruined my first four sessions and almost torpedoed the chance at a genuinely really good therapist, because I was so paranoid that she was going to turn out to be some … some thing trying to manipulate me. But no. She’s not full of spiders, or made of wax, or wearing the therapist’s skin or whatever. She’s just a well-trained professional, who I am paying to help me.

Look hm I'm just, I'm cheerleading. Go Melanie! (woo) Idk what to say. Don't really care about this post statement.

MELANIE Look, I didn’t come here for a fight. I just wanted to let you know what was going on. If you need me, I’ll be trying to get Daisy drunk.

Hey, I mean. High stress situation, they're bound to be a bit snappy. And by them I do mean both of them, whatever, my blorbo isn't infallible or something.

I don't really care about the post statement.

In conclusion, I love this statement so much. I think it's really cool, I like the themes of quiet and private terror, and love saving people. Cul-de-Sac my absolute beloved, I started this at ~4pm, it is now ~8:30pm.

[mdhwrites]

How Did I Get into Analysis?

My brother and I talked a bit a couple days ago about the era of online review that we were first introduced to analysis with. We JUST missed AVGN but we were neck deep within the wave of criticism that came afterwards. To us, it wasn't the style pioneered by Cinemassacre (who unfortunately I never got into) but the style of Channel Awesome who back in college, almost a decade ago, I was HUGE into.

But that's not technically how I began. It's also definitely not what I prefer nowadays, nor for the past half decade at least. Before I actually get into the fun background of what caused me first to start using my critical eye, albeit by no means honing it, I just want to let you know some of the video essayists that I do listen to nowadays in case you want to see my inspirations. (This part is longer than I expected so if you want to skip to the silly story, just jump over to when I use bold text)

Linkara: Of the old Channel Awesome style, I think Linkara is potentially the best that style can be without morphing into something different. I admittedly am not a huge comics person but I've relistened to a lot of his coverage of the bigger events a lot of the time and he's just really good at what he does while being genuinely funny and unapologetic of the style he uses. He never got defensive unlike someone.

Todd in The Shadows: This is the ONLY person I listen to regularly still from back in those days. I drop everything when I see a new TiTS video. You might think that makes him beat Linkara in the style but it's not. He hasn't technically altered his format drastically since he began but I would rarely call him a reviewer. It's not even the majority of his content nowadays. I would put him more as a documentarian and as someone who loves himself some history, I genuinely love what he does. Speaking of documentarians though:

Defunctland: If you have watched any video analyzing theme parks, you've probably heard about this channel. He goes over the history of no longer running theme parks, television shows, etc. For the Disney fans in my audience, I highly recommend his video on the Disney Channel theme but honestly, all of his stuff is good.

Noah Caldwell Gervais: Before I move away from the historical essayists, I would be remiss to mention Noah. I don't watch his travelogues but he's expanded my knowledge on so many game series that I will never touch due to my own tastes. It's a little outdated now but a real highlight for me is his Call of Duty videos where he actually examines the stories and themes of the games and their single player modes and isn't uncritical of the franchise but also isn't blindly shitting on it either. He's a fan for a reason. Another akin to that is his more recent Gears of War series.

Folding Ideas: You can actually see on my blog when I got into this channel. The whole "Put a pin it it?" I did in a blog or two? Yeah, that's straight up just stolen from his 50 Shades of Gray reviews. He does a lot of stuff on scams, including crypto, and is very good.

HBomberguy: The newest addition to my theoretical playlist, I got into his stuff with the video about the Ooph sound and its origins. Just a solid essayist with good delivery and interesting topics.

New Frame Plus: I feel bad for almost forgetting about the ever delightful Dan Floyd. I followed him after he moved on from his previous channel and like 99% of what I know about animation comes from him. When I criticize how Amity adopts a silhouette that's a bit too close to Luz's in S2? Yeah, that's only possible for me because of his video about the subject. He also has great credentials for talking about this stuff as an ex-Pixar animator who has done lots of other work in television, movies and even does animation in games nowadays. He's also a delightful Let's Player who is one of the few of those I still follow.

That went on way too long.

So what actually started me on all of this if not Channel Awesome? What first dragged me into overthinking everything? Besides the fact that my brain already had a hard time ever just shutting up of course. Well that answer is shockingly simple if not extremely embarrassing:

The Bronalysis community. The Brony Analysts. That is not a joke. I actually have a bizarrely vivid memory of one of the first proper reviews of anything I ever watched being a review of the fan made episode of My Little Pony featuring a blind filly who's talent had to do with snow.

Which also highlights why it's embarrassing... But does make a sort of sense. My Little Pony was the first time I was ever part of a fandom. It was the first time I got that deeply invested in a work to even want to discuss it in depth with other people. Before then, I never really had an urge to go and seek out such content because Youtube for me was mostly for sillier things like silly videos about Naruto, AMVs and Dragonball Z abridged. Admittedly, part of this comes from being later to the internet than some of my peers. I was in middle school when I started understanding what the internet was and didn't have my own laptop until High School. A lot of it was just that I didn't use things like Youtube much, even while still being the same sort of nerd I've always been.

And what do I think looking back on those early days? I mean... They were ROUGH. And I by no means was immune to it. I've stated before that part of why I don't do individual episode reviews is because I eventually found them kind of tedious but more than that: Shallow. It's hard to have something deep to say about every episode of a work unless it's a genuine masterpiece. I've been watching Frieren with my brother and while I adore that show, I think it is genuinely incredible in almost every way, there are still episodes of it where I would go, "This is good. To say more would just be me repeating statements I've already made about the work."

Recap and snark was the name of the game back then though. It's why they were called reviews after all because that's always been easier than critique or a deep dive. A bad or lackluster review is just easy to make since you lay down what the plot of the work is, snark on a few elements and then give a recap of your thoughts at the end. It's probably part of why some people like Doug Walker used it as much as a vehicle for their own talents as comedians and writers rather than just how good of an analyst they were because, well, that's what they were more passionate about but they also did reviews.

This isn't to say that there isn't still snark or comedy or even some amount of personal validation to more recent essayists. The video I recommended for Defunctland is genuinely a documentary and also has him use his worries about if he'll be considered one or just some Youtube guy someday as the framing. One could mock him for that, he even fears it in the video, but the difference is that even if you ignore that component, ignore his personality, the information and depth of knowledge and research on the topic is good enough to still warrant watching the work. That wasn't always something you could always say about analysis a decade ago, not the big channels at least. A lot more of them were personality driven, not driven by how good the reviews were as reviews.

It's all just interesting to look back on for me, especially while I've stayed casual in my analysis. I may write full on essays at times for a blog but I am no video essayist. I do not do the sort of research that's required for such things which does make my stuff much more opinion based and what advice I personally feel is good without the depth of wisdom to be an authority on it. At least I don't plagiarize though? XD But I have always said that I analyze things second to me being a writer and I still hold firm to that so I'm fine with that being where I keep things, bare minimum for now. I care much more about being seen as a true storyteller, rather than simply a delusional fanfic writer, than I do of ever being seen as some grand critic.

Just felt like sharing tonight. Thank you for reading and see you next tale.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[variousqueerthings]

im watching an analysis of hell bent, since i am curious about some of the parts that didn't work for me (mainly the gallifreyan politics bits), and i am not sure i agree with everything the person is saying, but there are some fun points, and it also highlighted parts that i did like, which were the doctor and clara getting to have some emotional catharsis that i felt was very denied throughout pretty much the entirety of their run until that point

and the stuff i don't agree with still goes into it quite well, like the fact that gallifrey isn't portrayed as anything but A Place. a relatively cool place, but still just a planet, same as any other (I think it could have done this better and i disagree it actually depicted gallifreyan culture and society particularly well, but i take that point). and especially the fact that the doctor "goes too far" as something telegraphed, is yeah. s9 does telegraph the doctor and clara constantly being pulled apart and how the doctor reacts to that. and beyond that the doctor going too far is a recurring nu!who theme

my limit with that is that i don't buy that all these themes were done well throughout twelve's run, starting in s8 and ending with the hybrid, because s8 doctor is so dreadfully unlikeable that i'm not convinced that m*ffat had figured out how to write him yet and so just went for his standard fallback of "I'm a genius who's a dick, but that's allowed because I'm a genius" character

and moreso that the doctor and clara specifically were sufficiently built up to having an actual connection that runs that deep for all these seasons, beyond the pieces that are kind of outside of character-writing and more plot contrivances (clara in the doctor's timestream and in day of the doctor, which are both things that I know -- and also feel myself -- shut a lot of people off to clara before she'd even properly arrived in the story)

it's also the source of something that i both do and don't like, which is that this arc mirrors both rose and donna arcs (rose as the bad wolf created as paradox + rose and the doctor ignoring that reality is seeping into their bubble of pretend-fun-adventures, and the doctordonna culminating in the memory wipe), and while i like a good mirror, i just don't think clara was as strong a character in the writing of her as either of them. that is, i still don't understand clara enough outside of her inherent fucked-uppedness, why the doctor travelled with her, or what compelled them to stay together for so long, or heck, why we ever got to see clara's family and danny only for them to not matter to her arc in the end. clara constantly felt like a mirror of different doctor relationships to me -- mirror to rose, mirror to donna, mirror to river, mirror to the master -- rather than her own character

except for a few episodes, notably... this last one. in which she's given so much that i wanted earlier in the story. it's a very "happening so late but at least i got it" type thing

so this video is very good at going into the doctor and clara and also kind about things in a way a lot of dw youtubers tend not to be I've noticed

but yeah, while the way the doctor goes to gallifrey and all the politics of it did not work for me at all and from the sounds of it that's not what usually loses people about it so this youtuber didn't go into it much, I think this is by far the strongest series finale that m*ffat did (haven't rewatched the s10 one yet, but i do remember liking it too), and it's because it's about the two of them as characters together and all that gallifrey nonsense is actually just backdrop for that, rather than clara being simply there to watch the doctor do cool stuff and "be brilliant and haunted and complicated" which sums up all the other season finales, and the analysis goes into the things that actually mattered about them that was harder for me to see as i watched that era of the story

clara's ending is also great for me, although "Me" never entirely worked as a character in my opinion, and symbolised that m*ffat tendency to throw in a sudden extra element without exploring it properly and just expecting people to run with it. but yeah. the themes are solid and that's the main thing i want

[curiouschaosstarlight]

(*Quick clarification, 'cause I feel like I should say this right away, I don't mind people not liking or even being really uncomfortable with certain characters, especially villains that have canonically done some really horrible stuff, even if I happen to really love the character in question! It's all in the Handling of the topic, and someone that's like "oh they're just not my cup of tea" or just don't want to talk about the character at all 1000000% has my respect and appreciation <3)

-claps-

So.

On the topic of demonizing characters that have violent or angry responses to their trauma

The thing about it that really gets my goat is the fact that I as a person have had anger problems ever since I can remember. I've had a pretty bad mix of anxiety and anger problems due to being traumatized, and have had to work really, really hard to get my knee-jerk temper under control, and really nothing fucks you up like thinking you're "fixed" but the reality winds up being you just were in a state of "nothing too stressful's happened lately" and then when things start getting incredibly stressful again, you realize you still have more work to do and you have to watch yourself way more than you thought.

I'm still not "fixed", and, after talking extensively with a therapist, I'm kind of just going to have to be okay with that; still trying to do right by the people I care about and not be an asshole about things, but I'm just going to have to live with the fact that in response to high anxiety and high stress, I become an angry person, and I'm not always going to be able to remember to take a step back from a situation when I feel myself getting heated (my success rate in this is going up at least)

So It Really.

Really.

Bothers Me.

When fandom tries to claim that a character isn't traumatized, or isn't traumatized enough, because their response to that trauma is to be violent and angry and malicious. And when they try to claim that because a character reacted this way, they're just evil and irredeemable and have no further depth to them, and any attempt to add depth (even canonical depth) to them is "wrong (and a sign the person doing it is an Abuser/Terrible Person irl)" or is "woobifying them".

And yeah. Part of what bothers me is that I tend to fall very hard for villain/antagonist characters that handle trauma badly, or otherwise have signs that they probably have some trauma they haven't exactly worked through, especially when that villain character gets to have a redemption arc. (And I do NOT mean that as "they cast away everything they were before and completely denounce and despise who they used to be and go through the whole repent and penance number". Give me more villain characters who are TRYING, who are STRUGGLING, who have conflicted feelings, who aren't an entirely new person and shouldn't be left to just wallow in self-hatred over it because!! no one!! deserves!! to wallow in self-hatred!! I want redemption arcs in the form of "person who did wrong is doing their best to be a better person" and NOT "character needs to suffer and be heartbroken and sad and unable to move on forever", I hate when I see people writing the latter shit, Idc what the character canonically did, no one who's genuinely trying deserves to be perpetually miserable and it is Highkey Concerning to see that attitude happen again and again) Plus, I LOVE media and character analysis, it is MY JAM, and.

Yeah.

I've got a lot of feelings that go into this kinda stuff. It's why when I see "no nuance!! just evil!!!"-type takes, that shit really boils my blood.

And is also why I don't actively participate in fandom anymore.

Like, yeah, I make some posts here and there. And I'd love to interact more with like-minded people -- I really love talking to others about characters and media and ships and all that good stuff!!

But I don't go searching for fandom stuff unless it's some art in a completely different language. After my last two fandoms went absolutely horrifically for me in two different ways, I think my trust in modern fandoms is just gone, and I don't think it's coming back.

There's only so many times a person can be told they're inherently evil (indirectly) or badwrong and stupid (directly) for a simple fucking opinion over goddamn fiction of all things.

[a-tale-never-told]

//Nagito at face value has a very blue and orange morality but when you look into it it’s a very stereotypical black and white morality with a different coat of paint. In his mind Hope = Good, Despair = Bad. That actually makes him a very easy character to write.

//Yeah, that's what I believe as well once I actually started to write him, and saw how just that he's so much fun to write him, as a character. I honestly believe that as of writing the last ask, he's probably the most accurate to his portrayal, besides Fuyuhiko. And I'm honestly very proud of how I write Komeda's characterization in this blog, as evidenced by the following chapters.

//That's what you guys might've been noticing the massive improvement of quality for these newer chapters than the older ones. Ever since I watched Weeby's analysis of the characters, and tried to research what they say and act on the wiki, the games, and in ASOOT since this is technically set in the world of ASOOT, the quality of the characterization and the dialogue has improved massively, like with the Twilight Syndrome Gang chapter doing well, and the chapter with Hajime and Natsumi having a genuine and normal, realistic argument about Natsumi's behavior is the most successful by far, though I could've done better on the last story chapter, but that's because I was busy and got burned out by all the stuff I had to do, hence why it didn't do so good compared to the others.

//Still, I have faith that if I keep this style of quality writing going, and make the characterization and dialogue more natural and grounded, then I'll be almost guaranteed to succeed. I especially need to work on how I write Ibuki for the most part, since she's probably the most OOC out of the entire cast at this moment, though that speech to Honami is something I could see Ibuki doing, even if it is a bit too odd.

//Either way, I can say for certain that the characterization and dialogue are going to be drastically improving as time goes on. I've been focusing less on the history part and far more on the characterization writing, and judging from what I'd seen so far, I think that was the best option, despite me being a massive fan of history. You cannot have a story without the characters, as while the worldbuilding is certainly helpful in getting us to know the world, it's the characters that truly carry the rest of the story, and without them, nobody will care about your story, which is why I started to focus more on the writing.

//That's not to say that worldbuilding isn't going to happen again in this blog or won't be relevant, but my current focus as of now, is on the writing and characterization, and it will stay that way, with worldbuilding and comedy being the second main focus.

[nyaitsu-writes]

✧ a little psa for those wondering!

i did private this blog back in february because i haven't been feeling my best, about myself nor my writing. there has been a lot of not so good stuff in my personal life i would rather not talk about and it ended up weighing me down to the point writing started feeling like a chore, extra work i had to do because that's the point of a writing blog. and i didn't really have the mindset for that

{ more info under the cut }

a lot of creators have mentioned this before, i've mentioned this before and i'm sure everyone is done with listening the same talk over and over again but the lack of interactions played a big factor in this decision too. it's really, really hard to put so many hours into a piece only to get a handful of likes at most. and this is coming from a blog that's older than a year, i can only assume how it feels like for any younger blogs!

at the end of the day i made this blog to share my personal brainrots about the enstars cast and i feel like i lost that purpose somewhere along the way. i started feeling more like a "content creator" than i felt a writer, feeling like i had to push a certain amount of works even when i was stuck. i also have the awful habit of comparing my works to other writers and, as many good things as i get from learning about how different people write different things, i can't shake this feeling of inferiority. my vocabulary is lacking, my descriptions are poor. and i don't feel too proud of my characterization either

somehow, i might have taken this blog as some sort of public service where i need to satisfy everyone's needs even when that means writing things i'm not interested in or characters i'm not really that fond of. i always push myself to fullfil rqs but i guess it ended up backfiring

i have a handful of wips, wips i really really want to write about (i tried doing an analysis. it had some interesting conclusions!) but i haven't found the courage to post because "who would read that" has been a permanent thought for a while. i enjoy writing aus. i like writing silly little fics or hcs that don't make that much sense but i enjoy working on! but then i think of the general public and think "well, i'm sure i can make something better. something more people other than me can enjoy"

i might have to reconsider how i do some things around this blog to make sure i don't get burnt out again nor i deliver something that isn't up to my own standards. for the moment i think leaving the blog public might be the best choice in hopes that any of my old (and cringy) writing can help someone out while they're feeling down

i will take a few days to make sure everything is organized again + i'll probably clean my askbox and change the rules to make sure this is a nice experience for both everyone reading and me. ideally i would like to revamp the visuals in the blog and come up with a cute layout but graphic design is (not) my passion and that's one of the parts i struggle with the most in blog management

so yeah, sorry for the radio silence i'll do better next time 🙏

—ᓚᘏᗢ

[axl-ul]

Tag Game: This or That Writer's Edition

First of all, tysm @pens-swords-stuff for the tag <3

1. historical or futuristic

Historical is a Y E S for me. Even when I try to write something futuristic it ends up being either heavily inspired by an older era or it's straight up its alternative version.

2. the opening or closing chapter

As much as I love starting a story and making clear what character does what, what's (not) the purpose of the world and establishing a system and worldbuilding, I'm picking closing chapter. It's always those bittersweet feelings that get me everytime - something old ends and something new begins.

3. light+fluffy or dark+gritty

DARK + GRITTY! The melancholy always finds a way to me, I don't know why tho. Although, light+fluffy is also nice. But my style just flows better with being '3edgy5u'. But light+fluffy...Alright, maybe light and fluffy. I'm picking that one. Enough of angst for today.

4. animal companion or found family

This one's pretty tough for me. I've been around animals since I remember so I hairballs of fluff hold special place in my heart. On the other hand, found family also found its way there. But I'll go with the found family.

5. horror or romance

Horror all the way. Although, I'm attempting write a story with a romance subplot I just can't entirely vibe with it. In horror, I get to use my imagination more often while in the romance I can see the plotline, the future problems and the overall dilemma from a mile away. Which is a shame. Because relationships and their growth can be made so much more interesting just by paying attention to various points of views and angles. WHICH is often used in horror. Plus, I love the fact that the fear comes from the unknown and uncertainity. It unlocks so much of potential for a nice worldbuilding and analysis of a character.

6. hard or soft magic system

Never paid much attention to this so all I can say is that I mostly vibe with the idea when I establish rules for the world itself and then I can get to play with the unknown (the part that not even characters don't know because they MUSTN'T and SHOULDN'T know, not because the can't). A little bit of a mystery play and it's all done. The whole idea of exploration of the world and so on.

7. standalone or series

I've always loved series and it kind of stuck with me, I suppose. Doesn't matter whether it's an anthology, prequel, sequel, spin-off. Give me more, please. And if they're standalones, let them be in the same universe, pretty please (so again, a series, hehe).

8. one project at a time or always juggling 2+

My brain is incapable of holding onto 1 project at a time. I manage to scribble some new ideas which can't make it to the final cut...so I use them as a side material for a future project *oh, yeah, this is big brain time*

9. one award winner or one bestseller

I would be okay even if my books didn't win an award at all. Awarding a book for something or having it labelled as a bestseller sounds alien to me. Like, I just want to share my ideas and my passion with others. My intention isn't to collect those awards like wings of insect. I'll be happy if these stories bring a smile to someone. Or a tear because they developed a bond to a character. Not because the characters are 'relatable'. But because they see an idea or a virtue, the emotion behind each action.

10. fantasy or sci-fi

Sci-fi is alright but I've leaned more towards the fantasy genre since my childhood. So fantasy! <3

11. character or setting description

I dare to say that I'm pretty good at describing but at the same time I'm also character-driven. This will sound slightly unfair. However, I'll cheat on this one and go with 'these two are on a par' (you're gonna forgive me with the cheat? XD )

12. first or final draft

One word - final!

13. love triangle in everything or no romantic arcs

I'm not a huge fan of romance and I usually seek out books that contain little to know romance. However, I must admit that in my writings there, indeed, is a romantic...quadrangle. Because if one suffers, then let them suffer all. Now on the more serious note, I'm not sure whether it would be even counted as a romantic quadrangle since it's much more complicated (one of them hasn't ever even been 'the player in the game' - it's just a lie he chooses to live in).

14. constant sandstorm or rainstorm

Rainstorms in the real life. They bring a truly pleasant atmosphere, kind of relaxing one. Sandstorms mostly in the stories as they bring a nice opportunity for truly unnerving, terifying and/or disturbing scenes.

Tags (again, participate only if you feel like it, no pressure; tagging's only formal, anyone may feel free to join in): @arijensineink @isabellebissonrouthier @isabelcanasauthor @toribookworm22 @faelanvance @myhusbandsasemni @minutiaewriter