#i dunno how to put into words how hurtful that is to me as both a lover of the character AND

[curiouschaosstarlight]

(*Quick clarification, 'cause I feel like I should say this right away, I don't mind people not liking or even being really uncomfortable with certain characters, especially villains that have canonically done some really horrible stuff, even if I happen to really love the character in question! It's all in the Handling of the topic, and someone that's like "oh they're just not my cup of tea" or just don't want to talk about the character at all 1000000% has my respect and appreciation <3)

-claps-

So.

On the topic of demonizing characters that have violent or angry responses to their trauma

The thing about it that really gets my goat is the fact that I as a person have had anger problems ever since I can remember. I've had a pretty bad mix of anxiety and anger problems due to being traumatized, and have had to work really, really hard to get my knee-jerk temper under control, and really nothing fucks you up like thinking you're "fixed" but the reality winds up being you just were in a state of "nothing too stressful's happened lately" and then when things start getting incredibly stressful again, you realize you still have more work to do and you have to watch yourself way more than you thought.

I'm still not "fixed", and, after talking extensively with a therapist, I'm kind of just going to have to be okay with that; still trying to do right by the people I care about and not be an asshole about things, but I'm just going to have to live with the fact that in response to high anxiety and high stress, I become an angry person, and I'm not always going to be able to remember to take a step back from a situation when I feel myself getting heated (my success rate in this is going up at least)

So It Really.

Really.

Bothers Me.

When fandom tries to claim that a character isn't traumatized, or isn't traumatized enough, because their response to that trauma is to be violent and angry and malicious. And when they try to claim that because a character reacted this way, they're just evil and irredeemable and have no further depth to them, and any attempt to add depth (even canonical depth) to them is "wrong (and a sign the person doing it is an Abuser/Terrible Person irl)" or is "woobifying them".

And yeah. Part of what bothers me is that I tend to fall very hard for villain/antagonist characters that handle trauma badly, or otherwise have signs that they probably have some trauma they haven't exactly worked through, especially when that villain character gets to have a redemption arc. (And I do NOT mean that as "they cast away everything they were before and completely denounce and despise who they used to be and go through the whole repent and penance number". Give me more villain characters who are TRYING, who are STRUGGLING, who have conflicted feelings, who aren't an entirely new person and shouldn't be left to just wallow in self-hatred over it because!! no one!! deserves!! to wallow in self-hatred!! I want redemption arcs in the form of "person who did wrong is doing their best to be a better person" and NOT "character needs to suffer and be heartbroken and sad and unable to move on forever", I hate when I see people writing the latter shit, Idc what the character canonically did, no one who's genuinely trying deserves to be perpetually miserable and it is Highkey Concerning to see that attitude happen again and again) Plus, I LOVE media and character analysis, it is MY JAM, and.

Yeah.

I've got a lot of feelings that go into this kinda stuff. It's why when I see "no nuance!! just evil!!!"-type takes, that shit really boils my blood.

And is also why I don't actively participate in fandom anymore.

Like, yeah, I make some posts here and there. And I'd love to interact more with like-minded people -- I really love talking to others about characters and media and ships and all that good stuff!!

But I don't go searching for fandom stuff unless it's some art in a completely different language. After my last two fandoms went absolutely horrifically for me in two different ways, I think my trust in modern fandoms is just gone, and I don't think it's coming back.

There's only so many times a person can be told they're inherently evil (indirectly) or badwrong and stupid (directly) for a simple fucking opinion over goddamn fiction of all things.

[ashlynlovestlou]

abby x anxious! virgin! reader

synopsis: abby teaches her an anxiety-ridden virgin girlfriend how to have sex.

cw: NSFW , abby x reader , smut , abby talks you through it , thigh riding , sub! reader , soft dom! abby , afab! reader , dry humping , use of pet names

masterlist

abby's been your girlfriend for a few months now, but you've been putting off having sex with her. solely because of your stupid nerves.

the thought of being naked in front of someone, then hearing your noises and seeing your face and touching your most intimate spots that nobody has reached before. it made you panic just thinking about it.

but abby knew of your fears. she was patient, and she cared about you more than anything on god's green earth.

so when your twice-weekly date came around on a friday night, something felt off. you'd been horny before, and usually you knew how to take care of it, but not quite like this. your legs were tingling and there was an ache where aches shouldn't be.

of course abby, being the observant girlfriend she is, noticed your squirming halfway through the movie the two of you were watching.

"what's wrong, baby?" she asks, looking down at you with a furrowed brow.

"huh? nothing." you respond quickly, crossing your legs and leaning against her shoulder.

abby knew better than to believe you, "you okay? you seem squirmy."

"i'm okay." you respond, a little too quickly. her suspicions only rose because of your soft and nervous tone, "just feel a little weird."

"weird how? you got a stomach ache?"

"no."

"then what–" she stops what she's saying, a shit-eating grin growing on her face, "oh."

you don't respond, biting your bottom lip and unsure what to do. you could sneak away to the bathroom to try to get off on your own. but you know abby has been waiting so patiently for this moment.

"youre horny, yeah?"

your heart sinks in your chest. it took you a moment to realize how she figured it out so quickly. she saw your squirms and the way your thighs flexed every once in a while, trying to create some friction for yourself.

she spreads her thighs apart a bit, creating a perfect manspread. she taps her lap, "come sit. let me take care of it for you."

"abby, i dunno.."

"baby." she says, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, "i promise i can make you feel so much better than your pillow can. c'mon, sweet pea."

you hesitate, nibbling on your bottom lip. your heart was in your throat, and you were fidgeting with your earlobe. one of your anxious habits.

she tugs your hand away from your ear, kissing your knuckles. she gently tugs you forward into her, "i won't hurt you, sweet girl. c'mon, honey." she guides you by the hips to straddle her lap. she rubs her thumbs up and down the soft plush of your thighs, "let me show you, okay?"

you nod, swallowing the lump in your throat. she takes her shirt off first so that you don't feel embarrassed to do the same. once she's down to her black sports bra she slowly takes yours off too, giving you time to stop her if you wanted.

but you don't, so she keeps going.

once the two of you are both in your underwear, her warm and bulky hands settle on your hips, "you okay?"

you nod, unsure where to put your hands. she notices this and laughs softly, "i'll walk you through it, okay?"

"okay..."

"tell me what you do to your little pillow when you feel like this, baby."

"i.. um.." you struggle to get the words out, your cheeks red from embarrassment, "i put it between my legs."

"hmm.." she hums, "then what?"

"i like.. clamp it there."

she plays with your hair, her entire hand embracing the side of your head, "and it makes you feel good? riding your little pillow?" you nod sheepishly, resting your head on her shoulder, "show me."

"what?"

"i want you to make yourself feel good. i know you wanna." she says, kissing your hairline.

"abby, i dont know how–"

she gives your hips a little squeeze, starting to guide you to grind on her lap. the cloth of her boxers rubs against the sheer fabric of your lacy panties, the feeling alone making you gush. you whimper as you feel yourself getting wetter. you're tempted to get off her lap so she doesn't feel the dampness coming from your cunt. she notices you starting to hover, so she pulls you back down. "don't be embarrassed. i want to see you feel good." she guides your hips to move a bit faster, and you moan in response, "can i touch you?"

you look at her, confused because she's already touching you.

she glances down at your crotch rubbing against her lap, then she looks back up at you, "down there, sweet girl. please, honey. wanna feel how wet you are."

you nod, your nerves starting to dissipate.

she snakes a hand down your stomach, her fingertips sliding into your panties. when the pads of her fingers meet your folds she groans, "oh, baby... you ever been this wet before?"

you shake your head, rubbing yourself against her digits.

"there you go, grind down just like that, mhm."

her words of encouragement make you speed up a little bit. she beams at you, so proud that her girl is finally comfortable enough to let her feel you in such an intimate place.

"gonna go inside, okay?" she says before slipping two of her fingers inside your sopping cunt. you moan at the intrusion, your movements switching from back and forth to up and down.

abby chuckles, kissing your cheek. she's so happy that she can finally see her baby in this light. on her lap, a moaning mess, "you're so pretty, mama."

you smile and open your eyes to look at abby. she pecks your forehead, rubbing tight circles around your swollen bud. you clean around her and she pulls you closer so your chest is flush against hers. she knew you were close before you did, guiding your hips to bounce on her fingers faster.

when you finally come undone you mutter tens of 'thank you's' into her ear. you'd made yourself feel good many times, but you'd never felt quite like this.

"thank you, abby." you whisper to her.

she nods in response, "no need to thank me. next time you feel like that, you come to me, m'kay?"

you hum in agreement, closing your eyes and starting to drift to sleep.

[honeipie]

TWO MINUTES

katsuki x fem!reader

synopsis: your child is learning how to brush their teeth for the first time, but need a little extra motivation

“torami, baby, at least hold it for me-“

“no!” your little girl went running out of the bathroom making you throw your head back with a groan.

“it’s not gonna hurt you! it’s just a toothbrush okay?” you walked out of the bathroom to chase your little girl. torami was about three and a half, so you were trying to teach her how to be a bit more independent. she wasn’t up for it though. at every turn she’s given you some sort of problem.

you stopped in the living room where katsuki sat reading his book. there was a lump of blankets on the couch next to him moving more than regular blankets should. the annoyance you once felt dispersed from your body as you walked closer. carefully you plucked the book out of his hand and placed it upside down on the table so he wouldn’t lose his spot.

“i was reading that” but even through his feigned irritation he placed his hands securely on your waist.

“hm were you? didn’t notice” you placed your head down on his shoulder eyes going over to the restless lump of blankets “i dunno what to do with her kats. no matter what i do she just doesn’t wanna brush her teeth”

he let out a scoff moving his one hand up and down your side “you gotta be firm that’s why. can’t let her wiggle away”

speaking of wiggling away, torami had enough time hiding under the blanket and decided to crawl out slowly, but she wasn’t fast enough. katsuki grabbed her one ankle and pulled her right back to the both of you. giggles erupted from her tiny body as he flung her over his shoulder “watch and learn”

the two of you got up from your spot on the couch and headed back into the bathroom. katsuki placed your daughter on the counter her face still flushed from laughter.

“listen brat, you have to brush your teeth-“

“no!”

"hey! you can't just tell me no! i'm your fa-"

"no!"

katsuki looked back at you in absolute disbelief and all you could do was give him a smirk "c'mon kats, put your foot down. be firm."

katsuki didn't give you any type of look. instead he took the classier route, flipping you off. you didn't have time to be shocked, your daughter did that for you.

"daddy that's not nice! say sorry!"

his eyes widened as he sputtered to get his next words out "what? but she- that's not-" with an annoyed huff he placed two fingers on the bridge of his nose "fine.. i'm very sorry y/n-"

"it's not y/n. it's mommy!"

"i'mverysorrymommy. are we happy now?" he asked looking between both of you.

"yeah, that's fine" you shrugged deciding that was enough teasing for today. with a relived sigh, katsuki went to reach under the sink. the three of you had went toothbrush shopping hoping that it would make her more excited, you were both wrong.

"alright pick one of these you wanna use" his eyes scanned the selection of toothbrushes just as hers did. he scoffed seeing the one at the end. he lifted it up giving you a confused look "how the hell did this get in there?" in his hands was a deku themed toothbrush.

"i mean we were just letting her pick up any toothbrush she wanted. maybe that got into the mix"

wanting to be in the conversation, she leaned her tiny body over to see which one you were talking about. her eyes got big at the sight of the green colored toothbrush in his hand.

"i want that one! the green one!" leaning over just a bit more she was successful grabbing the toothbrush from his hands "uncle deku!" she squealed showing it off to you "mommy it's uncle deku!"

"that's right amibaby! i'm glad you found something you like, and so is daddy" you placed both hands on his shoulders feeling them tense up at the toothbrush "let it go blondie. just be happy that she's excited to brush her teeth" He nodded straightening up his back.

"nice toothbrush you got there kid. now we put some toothpaste on" katsuki grabbed the kiddie toothpaste from its cup on the sink. he placed a pea sized amount on the tiny toothbrush before placing the cap back on “and now brush”

torami looked down at the toothbrush and then at him. her chubby little hands switching the toothbrush from one hand to the other until she reached it out to them “you do too”

if there was one thing you could both agree on, it was that your daughter had this power over both of you. the way she tilted her head so slightly, and made her eyes look just a bit bigger. it always seemed to work.

“let’s do it” you said scooping her up from the counter. the three of you made your way into yours and katsuki’s shared bathroom. gently, you placed her down on this counter and got your own toothbrush ready. katsuki reached for his, which looked like it had been used for a good while even if he had just replaced it.

“now remember we have to brush for how many minutes?” you asked setting up your phone. one of the ideas you saw that worked with other kids was playing a fun little video with music and a countdown.

“two mommy!” torami said an excited look on her face.

“alright! three.. two.. one.. go!” at the same time you all started to brush your teeth as the music started. which was quickly drowned out by the sound of aggressive brushing from your husband. turning your head, you watched as he aggressively scrubbed his teeth, making sure to reach every single one.

torami looked at him rather concerned and shook her head “daddy not like dat” the toothbrush still being in her mouth affected her words slightly. torami went to stand up right in front of him. reaching both of her hands out she placed them over his. he stopped watching as she moved his hands gently back and forth “be nice..” she mumbled.

katsuki almost melted on the damn spot. he focused on her face, the face that he helped make. the one that was a perfect mix of both you and him. she had the same messy, blonde hair pulled back into two ponytails. but the eyes were all your doing. every time he looked into them he thought of you. the day you told him that you wanted kids, the day you told him you were pregnant. damn, he remembers them like it was yesterday.

he snapped out of it when you bumped your hip into his. all you did was give him a look, and he knew exactly what it meant.

‘you good?’

He sent back a nod your way along with moving his arm to rest lazily around your waist.

‘i’m good’

this became a special moment in the day for each one of you, though katsuki would never admit it. you could tell by his actions. how he would pick torami up, and turn her upside down mumbling something about ‘time to brush’. or how he would usually take night shifts, but now somehow ‘his schedule didn’t benefit him anymore’.

you never brought it up though. katsuki loved in his own way, and you loved it.

.

.

a/n: a little extra to brighten your day :)

torami sat in her college dorm room on her newly decorated bed that she'd be sleeping in for the next year. it was a hard concept to grasp, being this far from home even though she begged you both to go here. there was an unfamiliar twisting in her stomach that she couldn't quite place.

her eyes glanced to the open window that had been decorated with white curtains. the sun had already set, even though she felt like she had been sitting here for only a couple of minutes. you and katsuki had left early that afternoon. he insisted that you all woke up early to get a head start before the rest of those "extras". the one trait that he most definitely didn't pass onto your daughter was being an early bird. so even though she complained through half of the process, she was happy to know that she wouldn't have to stress setting up with a sea of people wandering through the halls.

deciding that it was time to stop wallowing on her butt, torami got to her feet to get herself ready for bed.

right before she could go into her bathroom, she heard soft vibrations from her phone. leaning over, she noticed your face flash across the screen. torami answered it as she headed into the bathroom.

“hi mom. i’m alright if that’s what you called for”

you shuffled on the other end of the line before showing your full face “hi baby! don’t rush me off the phone so quick! i just wanted to see you settling in and say goodnight. you’re not out partying are you? is that a boy?”

“better not fuckin’ be!” katsuki yelled across the room and quickly made his way over into the camera “where the hell is he?”

“mom was messing with you”

you had bent over in laughter, but the other two bakugou’s didn’t think it was that funny “oh boo! y’all are no fun!” you and katsuki bickered all the way into your shared bathroom, but all was forgiven when he sent a slap to your ass and whispered something in your ear.

torami groaned loudly on the other line “guysss! if you’re going do be nasty at least don’t do it while i’m on the phone please”

you set the phone down on the counter, propped up against the wall “no! we’re sorry, tora” your eyes glanced over to the cup on the side, yours and katsuki’s toothbrushes sitting next to each other. with a smile you grabbed it putting it in the camera “wanna brush our teeth?”

torami gave you a look through the phone, but quickly caught herself “i’m a little old for that don’t you think?”

you shrugged grabbing katsuki’s brush and handing it to him “not to us, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to”

torami thought for a moment before smiling “let me get my toothbrush”

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hey hi so I just have this flash of an idea: Reader saving Ford / Stan out of a danger they’re facing. Like I’m talking reader carrying them bridal style and gently putting them down and being all “Are you alright, my love?” Hehehehhehehehe blushy boys

Stanley was a punch first, ask questions at a later date type of guy, he was use to being the protector of the family no matter if the guy he was up against was bigger. He always came out on top in the end.

So when he found himself being lifted into your arms and you brought him out of the line of danger and looked at him with a face full of concern before asking; ‘are you alright my love?’ He knew he watched too much of that sappy romance drama Mabel got him into as he felt his cheeks burn hotter then ever.

‘I’m fine now toots thanks to you.’ He replies, trying to keep his cool when his heart was hammering in his chest and all he could think about was how attractive you were in his eyes, then again you were always attractive in his eyes but there was something about being saved by you that made him conflicted.

On one hand, Stan was the man in the relationship, he’s meant to keep you safe from all harm -paranormal or otherwise- and if he didn’t do that, then he wasn’t a man. But he also felt relieved that he didn’t have to always look out for himself anymore when he’s with you, knowing you had his back as much as he had yours no matter what. It was reassuring knowing that he could fall back on someone and know that they’ll catch him when he falls.

So while he still might think that he should still be the one protecting you and all, Stanley doesn’t mind it one bit when you’re looking at him with such caring eyes, hands holding his face as though he was the most precious thing in your life. (he was, he very much was)

‘I’m glad.’ You said with a smile, ‘now let’s stay as far away from here as we can from now on.’ You added as you grabbed his hand to walk back to the mystery shack.

‘I dunno doll face, I might just get myself into a bit of trouble more often if it means having you come save me.’ Stanley teased with a wink.

‘Don’t push it. I might not always be there to save you.’ You said playfully as you nudged him with your elbow to his side.

Ford’s face was as red as cherry tomatoes the second he recognised he was in your arms, carried away from the skeletal deer anomaly that had seemingly lost all interest in both of you, but yet his face somehow got even more redder when you put him down on a nearby fallen tree stump to hold his face in your hands as you said:

‘Are you alright my love?’

He’s suddenly finding the fungi growing on the side of the tree trunk more interesting than meeting your eyes as the words caught in his throat. Ford always though it’s be him carrying you away from danger, keeping you safe and making sure that you weren’t hurt in any way, he could handle them thanks to the survival skills he built up whilst in the multiverse; and yet here he was feeling as though he was developing his first crush on you all over again.

‘I’m fine dear, apologise for being caught off guard.’ He tells you as he couldn’t help but be ashamed that he allowed himself to get lost in the excitement of seeing a new anomaly. You literally him while he was still mid sketching the cryptid!

‘It’s okay Ford, I know how you get with new anomalies but I often wish you didn’t almost risk certain death just to finish sketching them.’ You said softly as you gingerly brushed your thumb against a thin cut he had gotten on his cheek from the skeletal deer anomaly, you knew this man has survived worse but you couldn’t help but worry every time he got hurt somehow. After all it was better to admire something form far rather then within it’s territory, and the anomaly happened to be hostile and territorial.

Ford sighed as he lent into your touch, still getting use to your tendency for physical contact after going so long without it, closing his eyes as he took this moment to cherish your unconditional love and affection for him. After all his dad only started giving a shit about him the moment he figured he could gain money from exploiting his own son’s intelligence. ‘Apologise once again my dear-‘ you cut him off by pressing a kiss to his forehead, thumbs caressing his face as though he were made of porcelain.

‘It’s okay my love, I just worry about your safety and want you to do what you love safely.’ You tell him as you pull away from him before offering him your hand with a smile. ‘Now let’s go find an anomaly that won’t hunt us down for sport.’ You add as Ford grabbed your hand and smiled.

‘I’m sure I spotted some mushroom people not too far from here having a dispute with some gnomes not too far from here, shall we take a look?’ He asks you and you gestured to the vastness of the forest in front of you both with your free hand. ‘By all means lead the way mr Pines.’ You replied softly as you both searched high and low for disputing mushroom people and gnomes.

[pwinkprincess]

hai! your toji fics are SO SO good! i was wondering if you could write toji with a size and/or corruption kink and shy reader? like she covers up her face and can barely make eye contact without blushing

/ᐠ. ｡.ᐟ\ ˎˊ˗ theyre roleplayin toji bein her dads bsf ! jus wanna add that so it makes sense ^_^

you felt so so dirty. especially with a guy that’s years older than you having his rough hands wrapped around your neck while his cock bullies its way inside your dripping pussy. everything felt so deliciously wrong. he’s so strong, he’s easily pushing your body deeper into the couch cushions while he practically lays on top of you and pounds your pussy. the couch shuffles and creaks with every movement, and for a brief moment you wonder if it’s going to break. 

you let out a loud moan when he hits a spot inside of you that has your eyes rolling into the back of your head. you wish you could hold him, grab him, something一anything. your movement is limited due to him having both of your wrists pinned to your back. he only uses one hand to keep your limbs restricted, a subtle reminder of how much bigger he is than you.

“t-toji! t-this is so nasty! ah!” you dramatically kick your feet against the couch. you pretend to put up a fight, trying your ‘best’ to scramble away.

“i see the way ya’ look at me when he’s not lookin’.” toji chuckles in your ear. the tip of his tongue darts out to trace the outline of your ear. your body shivers under his, your stomach’s clenching and you can’t help but to swallow your spit roughly. “‘s okay. ‘mma give it t’you.” he continues his teasing while plummeting into you.

you can only whine at his words. you feel so small under his muscular body, and with him restricting you, the feeling grows tenfold. his hips smack against the fat of your ass while his thick dick throbs inside of your sensitive walls. 

you push your own face into the cushions. everything felt so overwhelming. he’s the biggest you’ve had, ever. and for someone so strong and big to be on top of you dominating and degrading every inch of your body felt good.

“nooo, sir. d-dunno what you’re t-talkin’ ‘bout.” your words are muffled and slurred. toji can barely hear you from the sound of your skin slapping together.

he frowns to himself before he’s suddenly sliding his lubed dick from inside your dripping pussy. you’re quick to look back at him with a pout on your lips. usually, you would’ve been grateful for the small break toji provided but it was just getting good.

“tojiiii.” you drag his name. “f-felt so good. why-why'd you stop?” you say while sitting up from your previous position. you're embarrassed to admit that him even though he's your source of pleasure.

“can’t fuckin一”he cuts himself off by sighing. he runs his fingers through the strands of hair that stuck to his forehead from sweat. he looks down at you, you’re sitting so pretty and pliant with that adorable pout on your glossy lips. “stand up.” he tells you.

with a curious glance thrown his way, you stand up. “what are you doi一eek!” you squeal when he suddenly grabs you. he turns your back to his chest, and with a forceful hand, he presses down on your mid back, forcing an arch into your back. you can barely breathe when he slips his cock back inside you. he grabs your arms and pin them behind your back, you feel absolutely dizzy from how fast he switched positions.

“feel good?” he asks while slowly rocking his hips into you.

“mhmm!” you hum. your hum grows louder as he takes your confirmation as approval to speed up his movements. you grow more vocal as he pounds into your pussy, your body shakes with how hard he connects with you. all you can think about is how full you are.

he uses your pinned arms as leverage to make sure you don’t fall forward. “shit.” he mumbles to himself. the new position has him digging deeper into your walls, he’s so deep that it almost hurts.

you’re not sure if you’re moaning or screaming, maybe even both. your brain is officially jumbled as he fucks into you like he hates you.

“yeah, cum for me, girl. hurry before your daddy comes back.” he slaps your ass a few times as his voice drops.

 you can only let out something incoherent as you try to focus on taking his rough thrusts, and breathing.

[tan1shere]

Look after you

Ellie Williams x female reader !

A/n: currently in the situation where I was slightly drunk earlier, my ass passed tf out for a good 4 hours 😭 but like I woke up and my head slightly hurts (I found out that I had spilt some of my drink in my hair- it was a night ill say that 😃) and it made me think how Els would be while taking care of her drunk girlfriend. Hope you guys like this regardless, I kinda made this more comforting as I need that right now fr 😔✊🏻

Summary: Ellie taking care of her drunk girlfriend, but why is she even drunk in the first place ?

Warnings: drinking, swearing ? Slight angst in a way ??? Mentions of depression. Just cute fluffyness tho :) - this is set in where they are still in that little town ♡

Masterlist

The smell of alcohol was all that could be smelt in the small bar you and Dina were at. You two decided to go out for the night, the both of you getting absolutely wasted. When Jesse came to pick the both of you up he was shocked at the two of you for drinking so much. "You two are insane." He said as he walked with you guys. "I'm so sane." You'd slur. Which earned a hum from Dina. "I'm going to Ellies, later." You said as you stumbled off. You go over to her little garage of a home, just clumsily opening the door. Everything was spinning, your mind was so dizzy but oh boy did you feel good. As you enter you see Ellie on her bed reading a comic. She looks up at you. "Oh Jesus you look drunk as a skunk." She begins to get up. "I dunno what you're on about." You mumble, heading over to her couch feeling as if your legs were about to give out. She sighs. "Did Dina get this wasted too?" You don't answer only shrug.

She awaits for an answer when she hears giggling, she looks at you slumped on the sofa, laughing like a little weirdo. It only makes her smile tho. "Come on, let's get that makeup off." You look at her as she speaks. "Noo I'm comfortable!" You say, moving slightly on the old couch. "And I'm not taking 'noo' for an answer, I know you. You'll hate yourself in the morning." You groan, but still staying in your spot. "Don't make me come over there." She begins to walk over, when suddenly you feel a presence on top of you. "Ughhh get off." You weakly try to push her, this just makes her laugh. "That's cute. But don't make me have to bring it over here, I'll go into the bathroom and grab those cloths don't put it past me." She puts a finger in your face, you then look at it, going to bite it gently. "Ay!" She exclaims pulling it away. This makes those previous giggles return.

"You're such a fucking menace you know that." You hum as she says that. "You love my menaceness." She shakes her head at you. "That's not even a word, you drunkie." You open your eyes up fully to look at her. "Well I made it one." Ellie rolls her eyes at how silly that statement was, making her laugh once again. She gets up eventually going to leave for the bathroom. "Nawww." "Stop your whining I'll be right back." Your drunken mind finds that funny, starting to smile and giggle as you replay her words in your brain. "You loveeee when I'm whiney." She raises her brows, coming over to you with a warm cloth. "Don't start with me Missy." She says as she sits on the couch, moving your legs so they're resting on her lap. "You didn't deny it." You sing. "If you don't shut up now you really will be whining."

You give her a silly little glare. But it did make you shut up. She begins to bring the face cloth over your makeup, wiping slightly. You being your annoying drunk self goes to swat her hand away. "You little monster." "Hey! I'm not little." You huff, but she ignores all these antics going for your face again. "No. No touching, I'm not even speaking to you right now." Which puts a smile on her face because you were indeed speaking to her. "Is that so? May I know why?" You shake your head. "No, you figure it out since you're so big and smart." You huff again. "Cuz I called you little huh?" You just give her a look. "God you're pleasant when you're drunk." She says sarcastically. "Say you're sorry for calling me short and then you can do whatever it is you were doing." She gives you a be for real look, rolling her eyes with a shake of her head. Knowing you are drunk still, just going to do so anyways.

"I'm so very sorry I called you little. There." You ponder for a second. "Nope, didn't say what i told you to." This makes her let out a huff. Earning a cheeky smile on your face. "God you're trouble." "Say it." You giggle. "I am so incredibly sorry that I called you short. Happy?" She says. "Yes very." You could feel the tiredness taking over, she notices. "Come on, let's sit up." She goes to try and get you to do so, making you groan as your head started to hurt from the dizziness. Not long after she was done with taking your makeup off, going into the bathroom to put the cloth on the small railing she had. When you suddenly felt like- "Ellie.." You began. "Yes my drunkie." But she didn't realize you had gone serious as your tone was still slurred. She comes out to look at you. "Baby?" Her brows furrow. "I think I'm gunna-" you don't even need to finish that sentence before she's over there helping you up and into the bathroom where you immediately puke in the toilet.

The groan you let out makes her heart hurt as she knows you hate puking. She holds your hair back as you continue to chuck up your guts, feeling slight tears spring from your eyes. "I hate puking." She gets on the floor with you. "I know babygirl. I'm sorry I got home so late tonight, even tho that doesn't matter I should've gone down to see you." There was a silence as she began to stroke some hair out of your face. "Whyd you drink so much love." She asks softly, you just shrug in return. Honestly you don't know why. You'd been feeling a little off lately and you thought this night with Dina, having some drinks would ease the slight sadness inside you, but if anything it's made you feel worse. "Talk to me sweetheart." That makes you look at her, feeling tears again. This time they were genuinely sad ones, not out of pain from puking.

"I don't know whats wrong with me." You sob, one thing Ellie hates is when you cry, she just wishes she could take that pain away for you. "Nothings wrong with you my girl, nothing." She says, cupping your face gently. "I don't even know why I'm sad, i- I have no reason to be." You hiccup not only from the crying but also from the fact your still just a tiny bit drunk. Which makes her say this. "Why don't we talk about this when you're fully with it yeah? I think you've had a long night and rest is the best thing right now." You nod, agreeing. "I'm going to get you some water ok?" You let out a small mhmmm in understanding. Getting up with her. She walks you over to her bed, carefully laying you down on your side, brushing any loose hair out of your face and making sure your comfortable. She came back with a glass, getting you to sit up a bit and drink it. But you were worried to, as you didn't want to puke again.

"Drink it, please. You lost alot of fluids you need it." You know you do, but it wasn't easy. "I promise you won't puke, why don't you suck on some ice instead." This makes you feel happy inside. "Ice chips?" She smiles at you. "Ice chips." All you wanted was to give her a big hug and a kiss. She truly knew you and you couldn't thank her enough for being such a great girlfriend. "I love you Ellie." She grabs your hand smiling more. "I love you baby. Let me get the ice hm?" You nod softly at her words. As she goes to get it you sit and think. You really didn't know why you were so upset inside lately. Maybe it was the dull weather or another one of your depressive episodes. You did miss Ellie though, she has been so busy lately you feel like you haven't really been with her. Maria always getting her to go on patrols, poor Ellie never has a day off, even if she loves what she does everyone needs a break from time to time.

She comes back over with a tiny bowl and some small ice chunks. "Here you go pretty girl." You thank her going to suck on the first one. She sits on the bed just looking at you admiringly, putting any annoying piece of hair out of your face. "Els?" "Hmm?" She hums gently. "Why don't you have a day off from patrol baby." She softens her look as you say that. "Get Maria to ask someone else, you're always working your ass off." And it all clicked on why you said what you said earlier. "I'm so sorry." You get a bit confused by her apology. "I should've seen you were getting depressed again." That makes you look into your lap fiddling with your hands, but she grabs them. "Look at me baby." And you do. "From now on I'll take the breaks i need and to spend that time with you. I realize I do work alot, and I don't really need to- but I'll tell her that from now on." You nod.

"It worries me Els." She shakes her head. "I don't ever want you to worry about that-" "but it does baby. I see how worn out you are. Take tomorrow off, please?" Which she immediately nods to. "Ofcourse, I was going to anyway. Gotta look after my hungover girl don't I?" You smile at her. "I'm still sorry tho my love. I never ever want you to feel lonely inside, and seeing you cry earlier broke me. I hate seeing you cry." You hold her hand tighter. "I'll be okay, I've got my amazing protector." She smiles big. "Dina." You try not to let out a laugh at Ellies offended face. "I'm kidding I'm kidding." "You better be, I don't see her here looking after you, do you?" You smile more. "No. Ofcourse I meant you silly." She just smiles now. "Ok good, cuz I'm just that amazing." She says, putting her arm up showing her muscle. "And your protector." That makes you laugh more going to punch her arm. "You goofball." She gives you a small glare. "Ow that hurt." She tries to look sad but she immediately laughs, making you join in with her.

Ellie then wipes the left over tears from before. "So it's a plan, no more working overtime when I truly don't need to, and spend all that time with my special girl." Nodding, as you smile. "It's a plan." "Good." She goes to lean into kiss you but you pull back, leaving her stunned. "I have puke breath.." She just lets out a pft noise. "Good God woman, I've watched you pee and crap before, a little puke isn't going to gross me out, not to mention I literally watched you hurl." You playfully roll your eyes. "You're mad." "For you? Fuck yeah." Your smile hasn't been so big in a long time. You were glad to be back. And so was Ellie.

[omegalomania]

ok listen obviously like everyone else i am Fucking Devastated but the fucking sHRIMPLICATIONS here are KILLING me.

the two last "new" songs we got before the hiatus were alpha dog and from now on we are enemies (equally fucked up song btw) and pete namedrops alpha dog as the last song they wrote before the hiatus and it's such a. it's SUCH a fucking. augh.

like it's so painfully and clearly a farewell. the lyrics all telegraph it. your time has passed. never means forever. walk off into the sunset. the discussion of how much effort is required to maintain this life and how they already feel burned out, past their prime when they were all in their mid-twenties and early thirties. and the sheer fucking POETRY of the way it was the last song they recorded - tell rock and roll i'm alone again - until they announced their triumphant return with save rock and roll in 2013. welcome to the new déjà vu.

and oh yeah the last word issued in the song's studio version is the word "abracadabra," which pete cites as the word that christian bales character in the film “the prestige” says he will utter before he disappears from prison. "abracadabra" was a key word in the viral ARG-esque marketing campaign leading up to the release of believers never die...right before fall out boy seemingly vanished off the very face of the earth.

and, OH YEAH, the first shows they played after reuniting involved a multi-song medley spanning all the stages of their career, with one of those songs being the first time they ever played alpha dog, albeit partially.

the notion of the wizard through the curtain speaking to a sense of bitterness (at least if pete's ten year old genius annotation is anything to go by) which is the exact same phrasing to the way joe would later talk about the band's fraught, strained feelings leading up to the hiatus in a podcast with kerrang while promoting his book.

many people have pointed out the parallels between flu game and alpha dog - the way they both discuss the exhaustion of being so visible and constantly putting yourself out there and how taxing that is, especially when you're simultaneously trying to cover up how hard it is. how isolating it is, when the whole world is squinting against the starlight feathering off you. it's worth noting that these parallels are not merely implicit, either. "flu game" is in and of itself an explicit reference to a famous game michael jordan played while sick in which he claimed that he didn't want to give up, no matter how sick and tired he was. and how did pete annotate a specific couplet, ten years ago?

we must make it hard to look so easy doing something so hard

another explicit reference to michael jordan, years and years prior.

and this is the first time they've ever played alpha dog in full. nearly 15 full years after the hiatus started. by now, fall out boy have been together for far longer than they've ever been apart. by now, fall out boy has been in their "posthiatus" era for longer than they have their "prehiatus" one.

i dont really have a conclusion to this. just, i dunno man. something about the repeated lyric "never means forever" on a greatest hits compilation titled "believers never die." something about i'm a star vs. so much for stardust vs. no more stardust. something about motifs that span decades, that span years of hurt and cracked-open wounds that have now been poured over with liquid gold, mending them anew. something about reclaiming old scars and ugly histories and reforging them into something filled with streaming starlight and sun-drenched smiles.

abracadabra.

[toxicanonymity]

I’m having raider joel withdrawals so I re read the series and I want to just say what a genius you are it’s sooooo goood omg. I just wanna follow him around like a house kitten while he takes care of the crazy world outside 🖤🖤

Thank you, seriously 🖤 Much more to come. I've got raider cooking on multiple burners rn. Ty for stirring them.

If you want him | raider master list

1.5k words, raider!Joel x f!reader

A/N: This is something different. Hypothetical, couldn't get it out of my head. SUMMARY: Joel turns into a prude for a couple of days to find out how bad you want it. Then he gives you what you want. WARNINGS: I8+ jacking off, self-deprivation, riding, rough piv.

When you told Joel you loved him, it got him thinking about how you are with sex. He knew you came, but it never occurred to him that you might actively crave him.  That's what he keeps thinking about now, not the emotion of what you said. The idea of you really wanting him to take you is something he can't get off his mind, and it turns him on. But since he’s always driving things, how would he ever really know you wanted it? He’s not going to ask, "Do you really want it?” No way in hell anything like that is coming out of his mouth.  Instead, he can only try holding back to see if you make a move.  

He doesn’t fuck you for a whole day.  You’re puzzled and dejected.  You wake up at night to the sound of him groaning “oh, baby” over the rhythmic squish of skin in the bathroom. His breathing is labored and his grunts send a pang of desire between your legs. He moans, “ohh, oh—-ahh,” and you slide your hand into your panties. He groans, “Oh God” followed by a drawn-out sigh of relief, and the rhythmic noise stops.  “God damnit,” he mutters to himself. “What am I doin’.”

When the bathroom door opens, you pretend to be asleep, resigning yourself to blue balls. 

----

The next day, he doesn’t try to fuck you either.  You’re sitting at the kitchen table and finally ask him, “Did I do something wrong?”  No, he’s not gonna talk about your feelings OR his.  

“Like what,” he asks. 

“I dunno. Do you still want me?”

“I have ya, sweet pea.  Somethin’ botherin’ ya?” 

Your eyes well up and you're unsure what to say since Joel clearly isn’t going to open up about whatever’s going on. A tear runs down your cheek and he gets hard.  When he adjusts himself, your eyes linger on the bulge in his jeans. You look at it and wet your lips, but it’s not enough for him to know for sure.  

Joel resolves not to touch himself again, no matter how much it hurts with his cock straining against his pants.  He sits back in the chair and manspreads, holding his hands behind his back in a stretch, making his arousal known and his lap very available. His jeans are thin, tight, and stretchy. The outline of his cock is visible on his thigh. You’re looking at his erection and salivating, and it’s taking all he has not to just rail you, but he doesn’t.

He takes a deep breath. He’s getting even harder watching you watch him, his massive hard-on pressing against his jeans.  He’s resisting the urge to even graze it with his wrist. Any relief will have to be initiated by you.  It’s a personal challenge now.  He can control himself, he knows it. He’s just never had a reason to. 

—---

You stand up from your chair. He brings his knees closer together as you approach him. You look to his eyes for permission and he opens his arms. You climb into his lap and hug him, as you’re prone to do–normally when you’re scared, he thinks.  He gently lays a hand on your back to comfort you, but you’re not scared. 

Your crotch is mid-thigh on him, close to his cock but not quite there.  You put your hands around his neck and scoot up.  He closes his eyes as your panties meet his stiff manhood through his thin, soft jeans.  You look down between you, and he looks with you, both of you looking at the growing shape in his pants.  You reach for it and trace the outline of his stiff length.  He clenches his jaw and breathes deeper through his nose. His cock twitches and grows even harder against your hand. He taps his foot, lifting his thigh against your hand a few times. 

"Can I?" You ask hopefully through blurry eyes. 

He nods, but he's not gonna do it for you. "All yours, sweet pea."

You're worried about snagging the zipper since his jeans are so tight and he's not wearing underwear. You bear your wrist down on his cock while you unbutton then slowly unzip his jeans.

You fold that side down and reach into his jeans.  He sighs at the first contact of your soft hand as it grazes his tip and wraps around his shaft. 

You take it out and you're salivating.  You climb down off his lap and onto your knees.  You hold his cock steady as you tongue the slit and take the tip into your mouth.  

"Oh, baby," he whispers as you suck on it. 

Your mouth holds his cock for you and you reach down to take your panties off, stepping your knees out of them. 

You look up at him pleadingly, and he's biting his lip with his brow furrowed as he watches you. 

"What do you want," he asks softly. You take it out of your mouth and hold it with your hand. 

"This," you say. 

"What?"

You shyly look away then return to meet his gaze and say, "your cock?" Like it's a trick question. 

"Oh, sweet pea," he groans. "I told ya it's all yours."

"Can I have some now" 

He nods way up and down like he's never been more sure of anything. "Take it."

You climb back in his lap. "It's so big," you say. "I dunno how."  

"Sure ya do.  You wet?" 

You lift your dress, tilt your hips forward, and swipe your fingers through your folds then show him the shine. He quietly sighs “Mmmm” and closes his eyes for a few seconds. Then you hover near his cock and bring the weeping tip to tease your clit, then your entrance. 

"Can I put it inside?"

"God damn," he exhales. "Just put it where ya want it," bordering on exasperated. 

-----

Mercifully, he at least holds it at the base for you.  You hold onto his bare shoulders and hover over his cock, then begin to sink down onto the tip. You groan at the stretch, and he winces as he tries to resist pulling you down. He gently rests his hands on your thighs and can't help but give them a little squeeze.

You gradually let all your weight onto him, sheathing his thick cock with your cunt. It fills you up and you shudder as he bottoms out. Your nipples harden under your dress. He can't resist a subtle rock of his hips, but just one. 

You put your wrists around his neck and begin to move up and down his length. 

"How's it feel," he asks.

"So good," you pant. "really missed it," you say on the verge of tears as you let yourself slide down on his length again.

Joel nods and whispers, "me too."

"You do it so much better," you whine.

Joel sighs but lets you keep going. This is something new for him and he’s captivated. You bring yourself up and down on him a few more times. His big hands go to your ass, but he's still letting you stay in control for now. You take him in a few more times then hesitate at the top.

-----

He moans painfully while you're at the top, then under his breath says, "Fuck" and abruptly pulls you down. He holds onto you, stands up without pulling out, and haphazardly dumps you on the table face-up. Right away he pulls back, then slams back into you with a sigh.   Your legs wrap loosely around him. He puts his palms on your breasts, wrapping his fingers slightly around your sides for leverage, and he pounds you. 

The table is moving with his effort. He holds you down with one arm so you don't drift away while he rails you harder than ever. Your skin sticks to the table. He gropes your breasts desperately as he fucks you with no mercy. The contact of his tip with your cervix is painful until your body adjusts. 

“Joel,” you sigh, then wrap your legs around him tighter.  His cruel length pummels your poor little cunt, making up for lost time.

He grunts as he gives it to you rough. 

He leans over you and fists your hair. "God damn, you take it good," he mutters to himself as his swollen cock rails into you.  He fucks you with the pent up need of two days which might as well be an eternity with you around. To you it feels like he's filling your whole body up, like your guts are moving out of the way for him. You whimper on the verge of coming. 

"Ohhh, take it," he pants. "Yeahh, fuck." 

You tighten your legs around him and let yourself unravel. The pleasure grabs you violently and you sigh as your cunt flutters around his cock. 

Joel says, "damnit, baby."  Then he plunges to the hilt and stays there as his cock begins to pulse. His neck veins bulge and throb as he fills you up with his cum.  He groans and slowly thrusts into you twice more, still coming. He puts his forehead on the table near yours, catching his breath.  

Then he pulls up his head and looks at you.  He lays a palm over your breast and asks, “You okay?”

You nod, “yeah. Much better.” 

He laughs and musses your hair. He pulls out and you whimper at the loss. 

“I know, sweet pea. But it's yours any time. ” 

You want to tell him “same,” but he already knows. 

----

----

thank you so much for the raider love and thank you all for reading and engaging. it helps with the creative juices.

------

All Joel:@ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose  @fandomsfallnomore  @djarinxore @blackvelveteen1339   @manazo @wolvesandvampires  @taeslarityy  @str84pedro @lokanda  @kyloispunk  @filthfairy  @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles  @harriedandharassed  @moonlightdivine @worhols @fan-fiction-floozy  @cutesyscreenname  @weddingfairy  @pedropascal-whore  @spideysimpossiblegirl  @feministfanboi @gracieispunk @prettypartyfavor @am-3-thyst @babeincolor @milla-frenchy @switchbladedreamz @within-the-depths @am-3-thyst @may-machin @pedromania91 @sloanexx @paleidiot

[thatanimewriter]

LOVE ME RIGHT.

➳ request: Hiiiii! Dunno if you’re taking requests but if you are- then here: maybe could you do JJK characters love language? If you don’t want to do all/some then maybe just Maki. Thanks you for reading! Stay healthy and safe<3

➳ character/s: itadori yuuji, fushiguro megumi, kugisaki nobara, inumaki toge, zen'in maki

➳ warnings: mention of food (megumi)

➳ notes: omg the babiesss, i love this ;v;

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 / 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭  / 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 / 𝐰𝐢𝐩 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

── 𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈 𝐘𝐔𝐔𝐉𝐈.

receiving: physical touch, quality time

he will never deny a cuddle and will, in fact, ask for them every night

you just gotta sneak into his dorm, cause he hugs pillows or plushies probably, but prefers if it's you

he's sensitive about death because of everything that's been going on, so he wants to spend a lotta time with you

you both get fulfilling lives that way, and he feels secure knowing he didn't take you for granted

giving: acts of service, words of affirmation

your little butler omg, he would wait on you ANY TIME he can and will resist complaining about it

wants to make sure you KNOW you're treasured and will never let you doubt that

reinforces that message with the things he says about you, he's a compliment machine

would never give you up, let you down, run around and desert you, make you cry, say goodbye, tell a lie, or hurt you-

── 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎 𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐈.

receiving: gift giving (??), acts of service

he's not a very materialistic person, but any HANDMADE gifts, he's keeping those til the day he DIES

appreciates the time you put in to doing something nice for him or finding something that he would like

similarly appreciates any silent affection like getting him his favourite drink without asking

or making sure he eats if he's busy training and might forget to in lieu of getting stronger

giving: quality time, acts of service

he's not one to shower you in flowery language or anything, but he'll enjoy your company and keep you company

likes to be near you, but you don't necessarily have to talk, he just wants you to know he's there and he'll listen

will also return favours like making your bed all nice in the morning or buying you things you're slowly running out of

he's just observant like that, you'd probably never know you're low on deodorant or something when he buys more before it's empty

── 𝐊𝐔𝐆𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐊𝐈 𝐍𝐎𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐀.

receiving: gift giving, words of affirmation

treat her like a princess and you're staying forever, no doubt in her mind

she loves a good shop, and bonus if she gets stuff she wants without paying herself-

likes being told how great she is and stuff, especially in moments of insecurity or fear

helps her feel less delulu about herself (or it could be you feeding into her fantasies just to see her smile-)

giving: words of affirmation, physical touch (??)

greatest hypewoman you'll ever have, the absolute number 1 cheerleader for you

makes sure you both feel like total icons as much as possible and will go so hard if you have a bad day

might reward you with a lil kiss, and she might feel the need to pamper you

probably not entirely clingy, but even just touching knees or being shoulder to shoulder is enough for her :))

── 𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐈 𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄.

receiving: physical touch, quality time

i feel like if you give him words of affirmation, he'd feel kinda shitty about not being able to say those things back

he likes just being able to spend time with you and enjoy your presence and the things you do together

little koala bear at night time, dude loves a cuddle and will hide his face in your neck

i hope you went to the bathroom before cuddles, cause you're not getting up any time soon

giving: physical touch, acts of service

a lot of wordless forms of expressing love, because he wants you to know he loves you so much but without cursing you

head pats and lil kisses galore, you'll never be touch starved with him around

will do stuff for you to show he loves you, especially stuff he hates, cause then you know he's down bad

yes he hates doing laundry, but he will do yours any time if you're too tired to do it

── 𝐙𝐄𝐍'𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐈.

receiving: physical touch, words of affirmation

girlie is touch starved, but she doesn't HATE affection, she's just awkward about it

zen'in clan don't do affection, she's not used to it, but she's getting to enjoy the benefits of a hug

likes getting praise for things (also because of zen'in clan emotional constipation-)

an extra confidence boost that she didn't know she needed, but will happily accept, sometimes with a bit of a blush

giving: acts of service, gift giving

will do things for you to let you know she's got your back no matter what

also makes you realise how much she pays attention to you, because she does things you didn't realise you needed to do/wanted to get

gives you little trinkets that made her think of you on any missions she might go on without you

you're always on her mind, even if it doesn't seem like it, and the amount of little things you have from her is proof

[steddieas-shegoes]

if you want to use me, i could be your puppet

for @subeddieweek day four with the prompt edging

rated e | 2,505 words | please check ao3 for tags

Day one:  ao3 | tumblr Day two: ao3 | tumblr Day three: ao3 | tumblr

⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

Eddie didn’t think this through.

Running from Steve’s bedroom, naked, meant he would have to find a hiding place.

He did not want to have to deal with this right now.

He didn’t need Steve seeing the way Eddie’s feelings would no doubt show on his face, how he’d be quick to brush off Steve’s apology.

How quickly he’d agree to continuing what they’re doing so he had something rather than nothing at all.

The house was quiet, dark, a reminder of how lonely Steve probably was when he wasn’t busy with the kids or Robin or him. No wonder he was always so quick to jump in bed with Eddie; He wanted a warm body to keep him company.

“Eddie! Wait!” Steve’s voice came from the top of the stairs, but Eddie didn’t turn.

Maybe if he locked himself in the downstairs bathroom, Steve would give up and he could sneak out to his van wrapped in a towel or something. He’d done worse.

Unfortunately, Steve was much faster than him, probably due to the whole jock thing. Eddie had no chance.

Steve’s hand burned where it touched Eddie’s arm, trying to make him turn around and face him.

“Please, Eds. Please look at me. Let me-”

“I don’t want you to explain, Steve.” Eddie turned to him, suddenly angry. How dare he ruin what they were doing? How dare he take something that was so precious and send it careening off the road so quickly? “I want to pretend it never happened. I want to go back to letting you touch me and kiss me and hurt me just right. I want to know you don’t mean it.”

“Why?” Steve sounded angry. “Why would you want that? Is it that bad? What is it about me loving someone that makes them wanna run in any other fucking direction than to me?”

And Eddie wasn’t really prepared for that.

He didn’t really know exactly what happened with Nancy or any of the other girls Steve had been with in high school. He didn’t really know much about any of his casual hookups. He just knew that Steve gave so much to anyone he cared about, and many people took more than was fair of him to give.

“Why can’t I love you, Eddie?”

Eddie looked at Steve, really looked at him.

His eyes were watery, red-rimmed as if he was doing everything he could to resist letting the tears fall. Eddie could see his flush cheeks, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to hold back a sob. His hands shook.

Eddie recognized this for what it actually was. Sure it was emotion, and maybe Steve felt it was genuine emotional turmoil.

But it was also the start of a panic attack, one that would quickly escalate to something Eddie wasn’t sure he could help Steve through.

“Steve, hey-”

“Don’t fuckin’ pacify me, man.” Steve’s breathing picked up and Eddie had to shut this down. “I can be upset.”

“Yes, you absolutely can. I’m not gonna tell you how to feel, but you definitely need to breathe, nice and slow.” Eddie put his hand on Steve’s bare chest, forgetting for a moment that they were both still naked, both still sweaty and sticky from everything they did in Steve’s bed.

“I am breathing.”

“You’re panting. You need to sit down.”

“I’m not sitting down-”

“Red.”

Steve froze.

Eddie immediately regretted saying it, hated that he was using this in a situation outside of their agreement.

He just needed Steve to stop and take care of himself for a second.

“That’s not fair,” Steve’s voice was shaky, unsure. He’d never heard it like that, not even when they first started this, not when they discussed the difficult things.

“It may not be fair, but neither is what you said.” Eddie looked behind him at the couch, the same couch Steve had held his hand while they talked about what they’d be into trying together. “Can we sit?”

“I dunno, are you gonna run again?” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, which would be a hilarious image any other time, but was currently just really sad.

“No. I’m not gonna leave.”

“Yet.”

“Yet,” Eddie agreed.

They both sat down on the couch, shifting until there was enough distance not to touch, facing each other.

Steve threw the blanket over their laps to at least make an attempt at being serious.

“I’m sorry I said it like that.” Steve sighed as he put his head back against the couch. At least he seemed to be holding himself together better now. Maybe Eddie could have a turn at a breakdown. “I shouldn’t have said it when we were still…”

“You shouldn’t have said it at all, Steve.” Eddie watched as Steve ground his teeth together. “I know you may think that’s what you’re feeling, but you were on a sex high.”

“I can see why you’d think that,” Steve sounded like he was doing his best to stay calm. “That’s why I shouldn’t have said it then. But I did mean it. That hasn’t changed and it won’t change.”

“Steve, be serious.”

“I am! I need you to be serious! I love you. I’ve loved you for long enough to know that’s what it is.” Steve turned his head and gave him a sad smile. “I know it wasn’t supposed to happen, and I know you don’t feel the same, but I’m glad I said it, even if it wasn’t how I planned to.”

Eddie had to remind himself to breathe as Steve’s words sank into his brain, consumed his chest and stomach, made the nerves in his body spark with a combination of hope and fear.

“How long?” Eddie squeaked out.

“You remember that night when we talked about our limits?” Steve grinned.

“That was…so long ago. What the hell?” Eddie slapped Steve’s knee, but didn’t pull it away fast enough. Steve’s hand grabbed his. “We’ve been around each other almost every day since then.”

“And I thought about it every day,” Steve admitted. “I was gonna ask you on a date first and make it a big romantic thing. I had a plan.”

“Steve, I-” Eddie shook his head. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to say these things to me to keep me around. I mean, it’s not like anyone’s lining up at my door. I wouldn’t trust anyone the way I trust you with all this. I kinda figured you’d be the one to call it off soon.”

Steve moved the blanket for a moment, tugged Eddie into his lap, and tilted his head to the side.

“I’m not going anywhere, Eds. You’ve got me and I’ve got you.”

How did he do that? How did he sound so sincere, so charming, after such an emotional admission?

“You’ve got me?”

“I’ve got you,” Steve surged forward, lips crashing against Eddie’s as his hands left bruises on his hips.

Eddie would be an idiot to let him go.

He would have to trust that Steve meant it, and he’d have to trust that his heart would be safe in Steve’s hands.

He already trusted him with everything else.

The blanket that had barely been around his waist slipped, half pooling on the couch next to them and half falling to the floor.

Steve pulled away, breathless.

“Will you?” He asked.

Eddie had no idea what he was actually asking. “Will I…?”

“Go on a date with me.”

“Yeah, Stevie. I’ll go on a date with you. You’re buying, though,” Eddie winked.

“Of course,” Steve nodded, leaning up to peck him on the lips. “I was thinking about a road trip. Heard there’s a new record shop opening in Bloomington if you wanted to check it out.”

“Fuck, you really do love me, don’t you? You know I could spend hours in there, right?” Eddie’s heart couldn’t handle the soft look in Steve’s eyes.

“Yeah, I’ll bring a cooler with drinks and snacks. It’ll be fun,” Steve shrugged.

Eddie inched back the tiniest bit and was suddenly reminded that they were very naked. And Steve was getting hard again.

“You know…this house is kinda quiet. Maybe we could…”

“Oh, you wanna be loud?” Steve raised his brow. “Hm. I guess I should give you a reason to be.”

The tone was different, not quite his usual teasing demand, but something that left Eddie wanting.

“Please. God, Steve, I need it, need you,” Eddie had no idea where this begging came from, or why he suddenly felt like he would die without Steve’s hands on him.

“I know what you need, baby,” Steve kissed his jaw, soft for what Eddie knew was coming. “But I need you to tell me your color first.”

“Green, so green.”

“Hey.” There was the demanding tone. “Look at me.”

Eddie had no choice but to look.

“I need you to think about it. Don’t think about how desperate you are. Are you okay with everything we talked about? Are you okay with me loving you?”

Eddie thought about it. Was he actually okay with their short conversation, the feelings Steve admitted to, what that would mean going forward for them? Or was he desperate in more ways than one?

No, no he definitely was okay with this. He’d been so worried that his feelings would never be returned, that he’d be in an endless loop of unrequited love, that he’d do what Steve did and let it slip while he was in space.

Having the guy he loved love him back was a best case scenario for him.

“Green.”

Steve’s lips were back on his, hungry, rough, almost more than Eddie was prepared for, but it wasn’t unwelcome. He sunk into the feeling, let himself drift into Steve physically so he could carry him away mentally.

“Wanna get my fingers in you. Think you can handle just spit?” Steve said as he nipped at Eddie’s neck, leaving red, leaving teeth marks. Eddie wished they could be permanent. Maybe he’d get them tattooed.

“Mhm, please,” Eddie nodded, ignoring the tiny part of his brain that was telling him to be responsible and get the lube. He’d be sore if they didn’t.

The louder part of his brain didn’t care about that, wanted to be sore. He could feel good now and deal with the limp tomorrow.

Steve’s fingers ghosted over Eddie’s lips, pressing down until his mouth opened. He sucked them in, three of them, moaning around them as he made sure they were slick enough to get inside with little resistance.

They were both impatient.

Steve pulled his fingers from Eddie’s mouth only a few seconds later, gently patting his cheek with his other hand when he whined at the loss.

“You’ll have me inside you again, baby.”

Steve didn’t waste another second.

His wet fingers rubbed against Eddie’s entrance, fingertips teasing along his rim and just barely pushing inside one at a time.

It was too much, not nearly enough, and almost exactly what Eddie needed all at once.

He was so close already, teetering on the edge of coming without a hand on him or fingers actually inside him, and it would probably be embarrassing if Eddie could think about a single thing that wasn’t the way heat was pooling in his stomach and chest.

“Close,” Eddie whimpered, bucking up against nothing as if that was even necessary.

Steve’s hands were gone. Just like that. No warning at all.

Eddie whimpered again, reaching his hands out to touch, to beg, to do whatever would get Steve’s hands back on him and finish the job he started.

“No, baby,” Steve said, shaking his head. “Not yet.”

And so it went.

Steve got a finger inside him, barely thrusting it in and out before removing it completely when Eddie would start rocking back into the touch.

Then there were two fingers, and Eddie could just barely feel the pressure against his prostate, begging for more or less or something that would be different from the current hanging by a thread he was doing.

He could feel himself drifting, knew he was mentally checking out from what was happening, but he could still hear Steve’s rough voice soothing him, guiding him.

Three fingers pressed inside him, slower than before, stretching him in a way he never could himself.

He felt full, used.

“Color, sweet boy,” Steve said from somewhere in front of him. Eddie was having trouble centering himself, couldn’t quite figure out where he was physically even though he knew he was with Steve.

The fingers inside him stilled, not working him open further or pushing and pulling until Eddie was naturally rocking back and forth.

Steve needed an answer. Eddie had to give him one.

“Green.”

“Good boy,” Steve praised.

Eddie pretended that didn’t make his heart flip-flop in his chest, but something must have given him away anyway. Steve was grinning at him knowingly, though he didn’t say anything.

“You’re gonna come when I tell you, right? Not a second earlier than that.”

At this point, Eddie was pretty sure Steve was in complete control of his body. He was simply the puppet on Steve’s strings.

“Answer me, Eddie.” Steve pushed against his prostate, making his body shiver and cock twitch.

“Only when you say,” Eddie gasped out, lifting his hips to pull away from the overstimulation, but immediately falling back down when he missed it. “Wanna be good for you.”

Steve groaned, and his fingers pushed in and out of Eddie faster.

He wanted to be good, but he was only human.

“St-” Eddie moaned. “-eve. Can’t-”

“‘S okay, baby. You can come now.”

And Eddie did.

Just like that.

The relief of finally being able to unclench his thighs, to actually feel the last string tethering him to earth snap as his release painted Steve’s stomach.

His fingers slowed, but didn’t leave him, keeping him stretched as he clenched around them during the waves of pleasure still wringing through him. He felt like he’d never stop feeling this deep pulsing, had to try to open his eyes to see if he was still coming somehow.

Steve was murmuring something against his hair.

When had he even fallen against Steve’s chest, face buried in his neck?

How long had he been just whimpering against him like a dog in heat?

“...So good for me, sweet boy. So proud of you for waiting for permission.”

Oh.

Praise like that wasn’t exactly a new part of their aftercare, but it was rare that Steve said it more than once or twice, usually just holding him in his arms in silence while Eddie came back down from the clouds.

He’d think about that later.

For now, he let his body relax, the noises stop, and his breathing slow.

He could sleep in Steve’s arms, feel the love pouring from his words and fingertips, and plant his feet on the ground in the morning.

Day five: ao3 | tumblr

[hotluncheddie]

💕🪱Wiggly Wednesday🪱💕

ty for tagging me: @runninriot @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @whimsicalwadewinstonwilson @someforeignband <3

I’ve had these worm thoughts for a while but I dunno if I'll turn it into anything. Think bc of the nuance that I would need to put in it. <|:3

But basically! I’m thinking about autistic Steve again. My lovely lovely high masking autistic Steve. Who struggles to ask for help and struggles with how much he’s allowed to share, struggles to look after himself and is still learning about his needs and his desires.

Thinking about how he’s so good at following rules, because most of the time that genuinely makes the most sense to him. It’s how he navigates the world, how he’s built his mask and scripts. How he’s kept his secrets, kept himself safe.

As long as he’s not effecting anyone else, he doesn’t need them knowing the rules he’s made, the ones he breaks and why - what that might mean. So it can be to his detriment, it can be to people please, it can be a way for him to ignore himself. But they’re also a part of him, an important part; they're all he’s ever known.

But what makes it complicated is thinking about all of that, in the context of navigating a d/s dynamic. With Eddie and him exploring that part of their sex life a little.

Because, thing is, Eddie knows how good Steve is at following rules, how willing and eager he is to be good. But Eddie’s doesn’t want to hurt him. So they would both have a lot to learn, about each other, and about communicating.

- So maybe it starts as:

‘What do you think baby? Would that be hot, you’re not allowed to cum unless it’s with my permission?’ Eddie asks, kissing over Steve’s stomach, looking up at him all sprawled out and cozy on his bed.

Steve traces the line of Eddie’s nose, lips pouting in thought. ‘Like we did the other day?’

‘Kind of, but more like, when I’m not there too. You have to wait until the next time you see me.’

Steve liked what they did the other night, Eddie going slow, teasing him a little. Telling him when to touch and when to stop and when to finish is a slow syrupy haze.

But, if Eddie’s not there. He usually likes to touch himself before bed, to help him sleep. Pretty much every night. Like, like a routine…

(And that’s the thing. Working through Steve asking for things he needs, understanding that some changes could be for his benefit. Never meant to be to his detriment. What that means for his masks and scripts and taking real care of himself. To let Eddie into the world of his rules and maybe let him make some of his own - that requires a lot of honesty, and that's scary.)

- And so maybe there's a bit of angst, some hard talks and hard truths, but then maybe it shifts into something with a bit of comfort, like:

‘How about this, we can try rules, but things that are about taking care of yourself, and we don’t have to do punishments. It’s more, like, I want you to tell me when you’re struggling Stevie, and maybe this will be something that can help.’ Eddie says, pulling Steve’s hand into his lap, connecting them.

‘You like how showering feels right? You said it makes you feel good?' Eddie waits for Steve's nod. 'Ok, so I want you to shower for me, each night, it can be quick and the same as your always do it, same with your hair.’ Eddie continues, tucking a lock behind Steve’s ear. Steve curls toward him, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his head in Eddie’s shoulder. Not looking, but listening.

‘And it might help, you know, if you think you can’t do it but remember that Daddy’s rooting for you, yeah?’ Eddie drops his voice, speaking softly into Steve ear. ‘Daddy knows his baby likes to shower and brush his teeth before bed so that’s what I want baby to do okay?’ Eddie asks, smile blooming sweet and cocky on his face as Steve squirms, shifting himself closer, throwing a thigh over Eddie’s and seating himself in his lap. That word always makes Steve feel a little crazy. Makes him feel gooey and loved.

‘But, and this is the important part baby, if you can’t, if it’s too hard, I want you to call me okay?’ Eddie asks, linking their fingers again and looking Steve in the face, waiting for his small nod.

‘And you don’t have to use that word when you call, if you just want to call me Eddie, that’s perfect too. Or if you call and say it’s a bad night and can’t get any more words out that’s fine. I just need you to call me yeah? That’s your rule. Okay Stevie?’ Eddie finishes, shaking their joined hands and smiling when Steve gets out a little ‘okay’, looking Eddie in the eyes for a flash, smiling, leaning into Eddie’s arms, moving closer for a kiss, and another, and another.

yeah! Just ideas!! Maybe I’ll write it all down one day, but maybe not. Hehehe.

✨Tagginggggg✨ : @scoops-aboy86 @pearynice @steviewashere @devondespresso @marvel-ous-m

@wynnyfryd @wheneverfeasible @thefreakandthehair

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

One For The Road [1]

Cecil Dennis x AFAB!Reader • Rating: 18+ pals• masterlist • ao3• want to be tagged? • request info • ko-fi •

Series Masterlist

Summary: Cecil forgets he invited you over.

A/N: The biggest thank you to @thexsanctuaryx for beta reading this and fixing some of my British-isms <3 I owe you my life!

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, mentions of weed, weed use, fleshlights, Cecil talking about 'Catcher In The Rye', fingering, Cecil coming in his pants, please let me know if I've missed a warning!

Word Count: 3404

You Sit and Talk to Me on the Floor

You lean back against the sofa, getting comfortable as your high pleasantly buzzes in the back of your head.

You’d been pretty pissed when you’d got here and Harry was nowhere to be found. (You, him and Cecil and Harry’s new girlfriend Mary-Ann, who you hadn’t met yet, had plans to hang out and watch a film. Or at least that’s what Cecil had told you.) He’d grinned when he’d opened the door, “What are you doing here?”

Turns out he’d been high (unsurprising) when he’d messaged and asked you. And had promptly forgotten all about it without letting Harry or Mary-Ann know. 

And now Harry was ‘working’. Or something. Cecil wasn’t exactly clear. 

Ever since he’d been dumped by his girlfriend Cecil had been staying with his cousin to ‘get back on his feet’, or more correctly, ‘make a mess, panic, tidy the house in a crazy rush to a standard that would put a professional kitchen to shame and then repeat’. 

He’d apologised for a good fifteen minutes when he realised his mistake, and had offered you a brownie as he ushered you inside. 

“Is there weed in this?” 

He stared at you like you’d grown an extra head. “It’s a brownie.”

“You know pot isn’t a standard ingredient, right?”

He’d pulled a face that made you laugh. “What’s the point in that?” 

.

Cecil sits on the floor, leaning against the sofa and lolling his head back as he talks to you, “I’m really glad you came actually, sorry again,” he smiles shyly, “I was kinda lonely.”

“You can hire people for that.” You tease and he snorts.

“No, that’s not what I mean. Besides,” he shrugs, “I’m broke.” 

You giggle, finding it far funnier than you normally would. 

He grins and takes a swig of his beer before another hit from his bong. 

“How many brownies did you have?” You ask, interested, you’d only had one. 

“Two… and a half.” 

“And you’re smoking too?” 

“Yeah? I mean,” he puffs up his chest proudly, “I got a high tolerance.”

“If there were an olympics in getting high you’d probably get a gold.” 

“I definitely would get a gold, I bet they used to have that, weed consuming, in the olympics I mean. They used to have poetry and people competing naked and everything, and then it got ruined.” 

“With clothes or lack of poems?” You smile.

“Both.” He nods confidently. “Though maybe some clothes is a good idea…” He ponders for a moment, “I bet if you run and you got no pants on your dick just,” he flops his hand around like crazy and you giggle, “I mean, that would hurt. And boobs!”

“Boobs?” You wheeze out. 

“Yeah, I bet some boobs would hurt too, you need those high impact bras and all that.”

“How do you know about that?” You run your hand through his hair absentmindedly, he always did have such soft, rich curls. 

“I’m a guy of knowledge, you know. I know many things.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

“Like what then?” 

He leans a little into your touch, smiling as you stroke his hair. “Erm, I know that this,” he taps the part of the sofa he’s leaning against, “is called a sofa skirt.” 

“Is not.”

“Is too.” He grins at you when you poke out your tongue. “I know the sky’s blue because of Rayleigh scattering-”

“What’s Rayleigh scattering?” 

“Why the sky is blue.”

“Cecil…” You roll your eyes playfully and he giggles. 

“Okay, okay, it’s to do with light particles and how they,” he waves his hand to the side making a buzzing noise, “move about when they’re in a wavelength.”

“How do you know that?”

He shrugs, “I dunno. Just do. Something stuck once I guess.”

You nod, “Pretty impressive skill.”

“Nah,” he shakes his head, “I don’t control what sticks, I’ve literally read every single math book I ever could on how to do algebra when I was in high school and nothing.” He pauses and then smiles, “I can quote Catcher in the Rye to you though.” 

“What?” You shift a little, leaning closer. “Like the whole thing?”

“Mostly,” he shrugs again but he puffs his chest out, obviously pleased at your interest. “But I guess I could just be making it up if you don’t know it word for word and don’t have a copy in front of you.” 

“I trust you.” You say kindly and he beams. 

“Well, okay, look, first paragraph, because it’s easy,” he swallows and clears his throat. 

“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.” He puts on a voice as he speaks, at first it’s jokey as he tries to poke a little fun at himself, but as he continues it relaxes, becomes more like he’s inhabiting the voice of the character. 

“That’s very, very cool.” You grin and he smiles shyly, looking down at his hands before taking another hit. “Yeah, well, doesn’t help much.”

“You like Catcher in the Rye?” 

He nods. “Got an A+ on that report.” He grins, “I always thought it was sad, you know? The story I mean. Just a kid trying to be an adult because that’s what society implies, when really he just wants to be… you know… enjoy his childhood.” He nods a little. “I like that his little sister is more mature than him, that he has this innocence to him. That even though the story is about a loss of that, in the end, I dunno, I don’t think it fully happened.” 

You incline your head, staying quiet so he’ll continue.

“I mean, I think he’s still innocent. Still playing at being an adult. Like everyone is.” He shrugs, shaking his head. “But whatever.” 

You give his shoulder a light shove, “But whatever? Cec,” you lean forward, your hand still in his hair, “that’s so good, like insightful.” You say sincerely. 

He gives you a bashful smile, his eyelashes fluttering a little as you compliment him. “Yeah, you know, thanks.” There’s the smallest flush to his cheeks. “You’re so smart and everything so that means a lot.” 

“Cec,” you say softly, shaking your head, “you gotta think better of yourself.”

He nods halfheartedly.

“Really, you got to, you…” You pause, trailing off as something catches the light and inadvertently, your eye. It’s shoved to the side, on the floor between the right hand side of the sofa and the wall. 

Cecil looks around to where you’re staring, mildly interested for a moment before his eyes widen. “Oh, shit, sorry!” He goes to push it further under the couch and out of sight but doesn’t reach far enough and ends up falling onto his side and flailing about. 

“Is that what I think it is?” You giggle, unable to stop yourself. 

“Erm…” He looks up at you, trying his best to give you a winning smile from the floor. “That depends on what you think it is?” His voice is hopeful. 

“A flesh light?” 

He groans and puts his hand dramatically over his face. 

You laugh harder. 

“Ugh.”

“It is?” You ask excitedly, unsure why this is amusing you quite so much. 

“Mhmmm.” 

“Yours?” 

“Yes.” 

“Oh my goooooood,” you lean down and ruffle his hair until he has to take his hand off his face to bat you away and starts laughing, “Cecil getting it on in the living rooooooom.” 

“No!” He lies.

“Ohhhhh, is that what you were doing before I got here?” The glee in your voice is palpable. “Is that why it took you so long to answer the door?” 

“Stop.” He tries to pout but keeps laughing. “I hadn’t got that far yet.”

“Yet?” 

“You came over! That’s more important than jacking off.” 

You snort loudly. “I’m honoured.” 

He pulls a playful face and lightly smacks your calf. 

“I wouldn’t have stopped having a wank just because you came over.” You joke and Cecil bursts into hysterics. 

He manages to calm down long enough to spit out his next words, “I wouldn’t ask you to stop.” 

“What?” 

“If you wanted to get down and whatever, that’s fine, I’d just hang in the kitchen.” 

It’s your turn to have a laughing fit. “Oh, you’re so slimy.” You tease, adjusting your skirt as you move.

“No, no,” he sits up, still giggling, his cheeks flush. “I wouldn’t watch or listen, I’m not being a perv.” 

“Sure, sure.” 

“Hey! I don’t need to spy on people, I can, you know.”

“What?” You grin.

“See it on the TV whenever.” 

You start laughing again. You had been expecting a bit of macho, ‘I can pick up willing partners whenever I want to’, not ‘I’ll watch some porn’. 

“Yeah?” You prod him in the arm playfully. 

“Yeah.” He nods, “that’s what I was doing before you came over.” 

“Oh, good to know.” You chuckle. Part of you knows it’s the weed that’s making you a little less guarded than you usually were, but you can’t help yourself. “What were you watching then?”

“Well, I hadn’t decided yet.” He shrugs, but he’s grinning, obviously quite happy to talk with you about this. “I was having a look.” 

“On what?” 

“PornHub,” he shuffles towards the TV on his knees and grabs the remote and then his phone. “I cast it, see,” the screen mirrors his phone as he scrolls through. “I was just browsing.” 

“You say that so casually.” You goad him playfully. 

“Yeah, well, I mean why not? Most people look at porn.” 

You nod.

“Don’t you?” He asks, quite innocently as he cocks his head to the side. 

Heat rushes under your skin. “Well, erm, yeah, I mean.” 

He grins, but not in a gloating way, more pleased that you’re both sharing something. 

“What, erm,” you squirm a little, feeling foolish and trying to push the focus back to him. “What do you normally watch?” 

“Like porn wise?” 

“Mmhmmm.” 

He grins, “lots actually, my tastes are very varied.” He says like he’s talking about wine. “Sometimes two girls, sometimes a guy and a girl, sometimes two guys, sometimes a group. Sometimes just someone by themselves.” He shrugs and looks up at you, when he sees you’re still listening he swallows and continues, “I got a favourite.” 

You nod, your mouth dry. 

“It’s two girls, erm, it’s not even like, that,” he waves his hands, “it’s just, it’s quieter, I guess? They sound more… natural. Like it’s not being put on for show, and they got like, these suits. It’s not like latex or anything, not that there’s a problem with that, it’s sort of like body suits, skin tight, but hands are free, and boobs, and,” he motions to his crotch, “down there, and… they sort of… like just…” his face reddens a little more. “They, rub together in like missionary and come and… and it just sounds so nice. They look like they’re really enjoying it.” 

He looks up at you again and fidgets, his eyes dark. 

The nervous expression, the flush to his cheeks shouldn’t be endearing, shouldn’t make you feel a twist of heat in your stomach. 

“I could… show you?” He says quietly, like he’s trying to tiptoe around something else. 

You find yourself nodding once, saying, “Okay.” before you even realise it. 

He finds it quickly on his phone and sits down next to you on the sofa, a hands width away. 

You stare at the TV while looking at him from the corner of your eye. 

“This reminds me of high school.” He says quietly, biting his lips together. “A group of us used to, when porn was harder to get hold of, used to like, watch it together and smoke.” 

You nod, a quick reply simply not coming. 

The video starts, the two women posing for the camera before they make their way to the bed.

“I used to worry,” he continues, “because sometimes weed makes me really horny.” He shrugs, flinching inwardly at why he said that. 

“I get that.” You swallow. 

One woman climbs on top of the other. 

“You do?” He asks. 

“Yeah,” why are you speaking, why can’t you just shut up? “The horny thing.” 

“From smoking or watching porn?” He asks innocently. 

“Both, I guess.” 

He hums, nodding. “Me too.” 

You both continue to watch for a moment in an odd silence, the air is thick with an oppressive weight. You want to look at him again, want to see his soft eyes and plump lips. 

Cecil shifts a little, fidgeting once before he pushes the heel of his hand against his leg and… wait… not his leg. 

His erection is straining against his jeans.

You can’t help but look, going over the shape and outline and- You freeze. He’s looking right at you.

“Sorry.” He gives you a sheepish smile as if he was the one that had been caught perving. “Guess it’s a bit more obvious on me.” He jokes, but the tips of his ears still flush. 

“No, yeah, I mean…” you stumble over your words, trying to fill the gaps as the moans from the TV grow louder and… they did sound like they were having fun. “I mean,” you swallow and start again, “I, if I had a dick, you’d see it,” you motion your hand upright. 

“Yeah?”

You nod. 

“Not just saying that to make me feel better?” He asks, gently nudging you in the shoulder.

“No… I would.” 

He gives you a sweet look, but it’s still disbelieving. 

“Cecil, I’m not lying.” 

“I don’t know…” 

“Why would I lie?”

“You’re too nice all the time, it’s not lying it’s ‘sparing my feelings’.” He motions with his hands.

“Well, I’m not,” you fold your arms. “I’m being truthful.”

“Okay.”

“Cecil.”

“I said okay,” he teases. “I’m agreeing with you.”

“But you don’t believe me.” 

He nods. “That’s true.”

You huff air through your nose, exasperated. “I’m not lying.”

“Sure.”

“There’s no point to me lying.” Your voice raises a little at the end, which only makes it sound more like you are lying. 

“Okay.” 

“Oh, fuck you.” 

He laughs, “just because you’re a dirty and bad liar, doesn’t mean-”

You don’t know why you do it, but you grab a hold of his hand and press it forcefully between your legs. “See?” Your voice sounds sure of itself, like a gloat. But your mind is just only catching up with your actions. And the sensation of Cecil’s warm, thick fingers against your core. 

You’re wearing a skirt, the only thing separating your skin from his is the thin material of your panties which are undoubtedly damp. 

“Oh,” he breathes, his cock twitches. “Yeah, you’re…” 

You freeze, still holding his hand against you. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

His fingers brush a little against the cotton. The action takes you by surprise and much to your dismay a weak gasp leaves your lips.

He glances up to your face as you keep your eyes closed, screwing them shut to avoid his gaze. But seemingly he finds what he was looking for. 

He moves his fingers again, a little firmer this time, tracing a soft circle against your clit and you shudder. 

There’s a pause, a fraction of a second as he waits for you to stop him, to tell him no. 

You don’t. 

So he does it again, and again, and again until you’re squirming. Your breath is coming out fast as your hips shallowly move in time with his fingers. 

He inches closer to you, pressing his chest against your shoulder and resting his forehead on your temple. 

Cecil moans softly in your ear as you whine, your lip between your bottom teeth as you watch the two women fuck on screen without really seeing. 

He slowly presses on the damp patch, rubs along your core before he slips your underwear to the side and touches you lightly. 

You jolt, gasping, turning your head to press your forehead to his. 

He groans as he traces his forefinger along your slit, marvelling at the slick that coats the tip of his finger before he lightly pinches your clit. 

“Cecil,” you breathe. 

“It’s okay,” he mutters, kissing your cheek and then your lips gently, “it’s okay, it’s just a friend helping another one out. Just helping…” He drapes his free arm around your shoulders, his fingers mirroring the pattern of his other hand on your arm. 

He kisses you again, soft and sweet as he lightly teases you with the tip of his tongue. 

The second you part your lips he inhales deeply, angling his hand and pushing two fingers deep inside while flicking your clit with his thumb. 

You gasp, your moans music to his ears as he kisses you wantonly as he curls and strokes your walls. 

“Oh, god, you’re really wet,” he bites his lip, grunting as he presses closer, curls deeper until you’re bucking and practically sobbing. “Really tight, mmm, feel so nice inside.” He mumbles, not really registering what he’s saying as he pants in your ear. “Thank you for letting me, oh,” he shivers as you whine, grabbing hold of any part of him you can reach and clinging on, silently begging him to continue.

“Is that good? Is that where it’s nice?” He swallows, stroking the same spongy spot again and groaning when your thighs quiver. 

You nod rapidly and he coos, “oh good, good, mmm,” he kisses your neck, breathing deeply to fill his lungs with your scent. “God, so nice and warm, bet you got the cutest little pussy? Fuck.” He groans, moving so he can rub his crotch against your thigh, “you’ll let me look sometime? I would love to see it, bet it’s so sweet.” 

Your eyes roll back, your muscles tensing as he keeps moving, keeps pulling you closer to that edge. Your moans are overshadowing the sounds of the TV, the squelch of his fingers fucking you relentlessly bouncing around the room. 

You can hardly think, hardly form words, your mind obsessed with the reaction that all consuming pleasure that is so, so near. 

“Bet it’s the prettiest pussy I’ll ever see,” he groans, the friction of his jeans burning deliciously against his cock as he rubs himself over your thigh, making him lightheaded. Being near you is making him lightheaded. The fact that you’ve let him touch you, and be in you is dizzying and those sounds you’re making are enough to make him come on the spot. Right now, so close. Just a tiny little more friction and-

You clench around his fingers, crying out as your orgasm is pulled expertly from you. Cecil whines, keeps moving his thick fingers in that blinding pattern and pressure, as he follows you instantly. Your blissed out expression driving him clean over the edge. 

You shiver, your thighs shaking as you come, as the pleasure seems to stretch onwards and as Cecil moans softly in your ear. 

You both breathe, Cecil’s fingers still inside you as you stroke a hand through his hair. A wet patch starts to bleed into his boxers, but he doesn’t care. Not when you’re so close and he feels so happy.

He opens his mouth to speak and-

There’s a key in the lock, and the front door opens. You both jump, moving away from each other to the opposite ends of the sofa as Harry comes back. 

You feel oddly empty without his touch, without his fingers buried inside. 

Harry pokes his head around before he comes into the room, he looks at the bong and beer and porn still playing on the TV. “You guys started the party without me?” He kids. 

You laugh, not entirely convincing. 

“Cecil, man, what’re you doing showing off your porn playlist huh?” Harry jokes and Cecil shrugs. 

He’s using his forearm to cover any signs of his softening erection and wet patch, while he dangles his other hand off the arm of the sofa, out of Harry’s sight. Where his cousin can’t see how he rubs his slick covered fingers together.

Thank you for reading!

@pleasurebuttonwrites @raven-rk @campingwiththecharmings @alexxavicry @whatthefishh

@romanarose @strangerhands @saturn-rings-writes @lonelyisamyw-0love @queerponcho

@steven-grants-world  @eyelessfaces @angel-of-the-moons @minigirl87 @lunar-ghoulie

@silvernight-m @autismsupermusicalassassin @apesarecuul @reallyrallyauthor @basicalyrandom

@alwaysmicado @mangoslushcrush @marc-spectorr @soft-girl-musings  @spxctorsslxt

@novarosewood @pygmi-cygni

If you'd like to be taken off the tag list please let me know here

[la2yn0va]

Yo! Can i request some Yandere high cloud quinlet (together) x male reader, that has a habit of not caring at all for his life? Like the reader despite having a good reputantion and has one of the highest potential within the cloud knights. His powers/techniques foes harm to his body. (I Dunno if you seem jujutsu kaisen when Megumi summons Mahoraga, that summoning him cost the user his life? Well put the reader in a similar situation)

CW: Yandere characters, Suicidal(?) Reader

——

“Why are so intent on worrying us?” Dan Feng said as he healed your body with some strange vidyadhara technique. “Whaat? I’m not dead, and I’m pretty sure some random Mara-struck soldiers ain’t gonna kill ME” M/n had refuted, which seemed to tick off the high elder.

“That’s not the point! I’m talking about your technique!” He heaved out with frustration. M/n sighed and rolled his eyes, not wanting to hear the same speech he’d been hearing since he started. Dan Feng looked even more frustrated, grabbing his ear and harshly pulling and pinching

“Owowowow! Fuck!! Wait—!!” “Don’t get sassy with me m/n. This is serious!” He said, not hiding his frustration. M/n continued to yelp in pain. “Okay okay!! You’ve made your point!! Owowowow!!!” Just then, baiheng and Yingxinq walked in seeing Dan Feng harshly disciplining m/n.

They watched with mixed reactions, wanting to step in but also wanting to discipline you for, once again, getting them worried. “Have l?! I seem to remember ‘making my point’ to you repeatedly!! And yet you STILL go on and repeat your previous actions!!” He got increasingly more frustrated and pissed. However, before it could escalate, baiheng and yingxinq stepped in.

Yingxinq stopping Dan Feng and baiheng taking care of m/n’s hurtting ear “Calm down Feng. I’m sure he’s learned his lesson” “Don’t be a fool Yingxinq! How many times have I, Jingliu, and Jing yuan repeated this lecture with him and he has yet to take us seriously!”

“You okay sweetie~?” Baiheng said quietly, not missing the chance to get herself in m/n’s good side. He nodded and was immediately met with a slap on his nape “OW!!” “Are you trying to give us a heart attack!?” She said with worry, before he could respond, Yingqinx left a slap of his own.

“OW!! It’s a force of habit okay!? Plus, it’s not like—!” “What’s going on in here.” A colder voice sliced through m/n’s words. M/n froze as he saw jingliu walking in with jing yuan. “Good luck m/n” Yingxinq said as jingliu immediately walked angrily towards m/n.

“H-heyyyyyy jingliu…….. h-how’re you?” He nervously smiled as her red eyes glared into his. “Ahaha…I-I’m doing good to! I just came back from killing of monsters of the abundance—” “Did you use your technique?” She said, knowing the answer.

M/n stayed silent, nervously laughing and looking around to avoid the question. Jingliu had seen enough, harshly grabbing his other ear that wasn’t assaulted by Dan Feng’s wrath earlier and tugging and pinching his cheek “OWOWWWWWW!!!!!” He yelled as Jingliu DID. NOT. Hold back, making sure to dig it into his thick skull of how unacceptable his actions are.

“Are you actually this fucking dense!? How many times do I have to discipline you boy!!” She didn’t give him time to respond, her strength increasing by the second and managing to make his tear up slightly “OKAY OKAY I GET IT!!” “I DONT THINK YOU FUCKING DO!!”

Jing yuan and baiheng stepped up, both saving m/n from jingliu’s increasing wrath. “Calm down master. There’s a far more appropriate punishment then physical punishment” “Silence jing yuan! M/n needs to be reminded HARSHLY how—” “Let’s just.. hear him out jingliu” Baiheng’s reasonable voice managed to calm jingliu down.

“M/n. As General of the luofu, I’m banning you from the battlefield” “WHAT!!?” He yelled, the pain immediately being neglected as he stood up. Yingxinq keeping him from walking up to Jing yuan and throwing a punch.

“Until you grow out of this habit and change your technique, I will not allow you to rejoin the battle ground, and you WILL be arrested on sight” Jing yuan repeated with seriousness and authoritatively. M/n looked around, seeing that everyone was in agreement with this. “Your fucking kidding!” “Come on m/n. This is a reasonable reaction” “Yingxinq, you can’t actually—!” “I don’t see anything wrong with it” Baiheng interjected.

M/n growled lowly, clearly annoyed before walking away, only to be stopped by jingliu’s hand and Dan Feng’s tail. “Your not leaving our sight” Dan Feng said as m/n struggled against their grip, before giving up, deciding to try and escape later “Fine…”

-The End-

[hyunsvngs]

you and your boyfriend jisung are no strangers to adventurous sex, be it trying and switching between different dom/sub roles, exploring kinks with each other, roleplaying, using toys on either, or watching porn together. but, for the first time, his newest idea left you pretty shocked.

you both are a little tipsy after deciding to crack open the bottle of whiskey that’s been sitting in your kitchen, which is probably why he felt comfortable in suggesting this to you to begin with. you look at him, eyes wide, mouth open slightly, trying to replay his words in your head to make sure you heard him right. he looks at you awaiting your answer, hopeful but nervous. “so… you want to just… watch?” you ask him, still unsure if you’re imagining things. “y-yeah. i think- i think it’d be really hot…”

you can’t say that you haven’t thought about how attractive minho is. he’s very obviously a beautiful man with his starry, cat-like eyes that feel like they’re piercing right through you, his strong arms and the veins that protrude in his hands and forearms, his thighs that are all muscle, and his stupid fucking cunning personality that makes you feel a little weak in the knees when he decides to tease you, even though it’s in a friendly way. you recognize all of these things, annoyingly, but you love jisung more than anything in the entire world and would never make any move that would hurt him, especially flirting with his best friend.

so when he suggested watching you and minho having sex, you felt a mixture of emotions. confused, horny, anxious, horny, worried, horny and… oh, horny. “i dunno, i think it would be so sexy to watch you feel good and…” he looks down and away a little, embarrassed at his next words “i think you two would look so pretty together,” in a voice so quiet you barely heard the last part. “i- are you sure?” you ask, still dumbfounded. “yes, i’ve thought about it for awhile already” he looks back at you shyly and you search his eyes for confirmation. “if you’re sure you’re okay with this, i think it could be fun, but if y-“ his eyes full with excitement and relief before he cuts you off with a deep kiss, moving to lay you back on your couch and crawling on top of you.

after some sober discussions and jisung talking to minho privately, ensuring that he is also into the idea, you find yourself on your knees on the bed, minho behind you, thrusting his hard cock into and holding your arms behind you for leverage while you moan and whimper, looking at jisung when you find the strength to open your eyes. he’s sitting just at the end of the bed, palming his erection through his sweatpants while watching your face contort with pleasure. you want to focus on him more but you feel your brain melting in your skull with every thrust of minho’s very skilled hips. “tell him how good it feels, kitty.” minho growls while moving one hand from your arm into your hair, pulling lightly which rips another moan from your throat as he continues you push into you roughly. “i-it feels so good, sungie. he’s fucking me so good i can hardly think straight.” jisung groans as he palms himself harder “yeah, baby? he’s fucking you so good you can hardly keep your pretty eyes open?” he moves to put his hand into his sweats, searching for some relief to his aching, leaking cock.

minho pulls out and you whine in protest, but before you can formally complain, he flips you over onto your back, settles your knees on his shoulders, and buries himself back inside of you before grabbing your hips with both hands, resuming his rough pace. you can’t hold back the series of moans that are elicited by the new angle. “fuuuuck that feels fucking amazing, holy shit.” your toes are curling and you hands search for something to hold onto before settling for grabbing the bedsheets. you feel weight shifting above your head on the bed before hearing jisung’s voice right next to your ear in nearly a whisper “oh, my baby, you’re feeling so good. you’re gonna cum soon, aren’t you?” “ye-yeah, yes… i’m gonna cum so good, baby” you whine in response. jisung’s hands move to snake over you body, abandoning his poor cock, unrelieved and still trapped in his pants. his hands find your breasts and he begins alternating between kneading them and playing with your erect nipples. his lips find fond your neck and he peppers it with kisses before lightly sliding his tongue across the smooth skin and sucking gently on the part that he knows is sensitive. minho’s unrelenting pace coupled with the attention that your beloved boyfriend is now paying to you body has you falling apart in seconds, your high causing your body to feel white hot and your vision yo go fuzzy. minho fucks you through your high and follows with his own soon after, pulling out and spilling his cum onto your stomach.

your eyes close as you come down, jisung rubbing your arma soothingly and trailing light kisses over your cheeks and forehead. minho moves to grab a towel and cleans his seed off of your body gently. “was all of that okay?” minho asks, eyes flicking back and forth between you and jisung. “it was incredible.” you assure him. “so fucking hot. i was right by the way. you two are so fucking pretty together.” jisunng groans. “we uh- we could do this again sometime… if you guys are up for it.” minho blurts out, sounding unsure if this is too close to crossing a line. “oh this is definitely happening again” jisung responds quickly (maybe too quickly?) before giving you one last big kiss on the cheek.

ANON WHO ARE U…. U R A BEAUTKFJL MYSTERY

im just posting some of the longer asks in my inbox to tide u guys over til i feel better <3 on that note its juno passing out for a nap time

[heartfullofleeches]

*slowly opens your closet door and hands you the rest of the chips I was eating in there*

What if. Reader kissed King's scars or traced over them n asked if shed tell them how she got em? I think scars are neat and I dunno about you but personally I'd love to know how she got em. Hope your day is well!

Not a scratch on her.

You distinctly remember the claws of your attacker digging into the exposed meat of the knight's bicep her armor failed to shield yet here there is no mark to prove it. The two of you sat in King's dressing room following the incident, and all the time it took you begging to pull her off them. You thought you'd be fine on your own for a little while without her - clearly word hasn't gotten around the casino that you belong to her just yet. After she checked you over and made sure you weren't hurt it was only fair of you to do the same, but once you scrubbed all that blood off her there really wasn't much else for you to take care of.

"Hm......"

King lifts her head from the pile of pillows you both lay on, dismayed by absence of your hands on her. "Everything okay over there? Seems like you got something on your mind."

"Just thinking.... You've got so many scars, but that other demon didn't even put a scratch on you ... Kinda curious why.."

"Oh, that? That was nothing.-" King sits up, pounding a fist against her chest as she rises. "Takes a lot more than a coward like that to put a dent on this body. Hell, my skin's thicker than the steel I throw on. The stories behind every single one of 'em could the tale of centuries."

"Really?.... Then do you think you could tell me how you got your scars? I actually think they're pretty neat, but I didn't know the right time to ask you about them."

The mountain of pillows crumbles under the heavy swish of King's tail. "Yea....course... we'd be here all week if I told you how I got them all, but I can start off with some of my favorites for now."

King removes her chestplate - gesturing for you to climb in her lap as she regroups the pillows beneath her. She leans back down as she takes your smaller hands in hers, placing them on her abdomen. It was almost impossible to tell where her skin began and the old wounds ended. She guides your fingers to a crescent shaped hole just below her left pec - right over her ribs.

"Feel that? Got that one during the first tournament I feared I might lose. Underestimated the little bastard due to their size - barely came up to my knee in this form, the fucker. Unfortunately for them, they got a little too confident and all it took for me to wipe the floor with that small fry was catching them once.

"Amazing...." Your trace your fingers over the scar, dipping your head until in range to place a soft kiss on her hardened skin. King flinches - tail threatening to foundation of the pillows again as it shoots up with her.

"Wha- Huh?!- The fuck was that?"

"Sorry... Was that not okay? I guess I should've asked before I did that."

King's used to people asking about her scars. She may have been asked to be been kissed once or twice, but that was often by drunken fans - not the little treasure she picked out for herself. You are aware she could snap you in half at any second? You most definitely did, and that she'd never put you in serious danger. Still, you being so careless around a beast like her has got feeling a rush that's incomparable to the surge she feels in battle.

"Nah...." King shifts her tail benath her legs to hide the excitement it gave away. "A warning might've been nice - but your boldness makes it kinda hot. I knew I picked the perfect person to call mine.... Let's move on."

King nudges your fingers further north over her heart to anotger oddly shaped scar over her heart. With three points it almost look like a crudely embroidered crown. "This one. Welcoming gift from the boss themselves. Should'a known not to underestimate that other demon after dealing with them, but they're such an airhead it's easy to forget they can take care of themselves just fine."

Again - you kiss the blemish, the dragon's heart hammering loudly in her chest you can feel its rumble from your lips. There's other's she'd like to show you, but it you're so willing to kiss all her marks....

"Hey, got another one I think you might like."

King lifts her helmet over her jaw - shadows pealing away to unveil the wide, branching scar starting from her lower lip to benath her chin. She grins to show off the extent of the injury, the skin of her lips splitting to reveal more of her gums the further her smile creeps up the side of her face.

"This one? First and only time an angel tried to mess with our staff. Something about some demon winning the soul of someone they were watching over in a gang of cards. Made a huge fuss, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Scar I'm most proudest of."

You ghost your fingers along her jaw, smiling as she slides her large hand down your back. "Uh-huh.... Something tells me there's another reason you wanted to show me this one in particular..."

"Don't get too full of yourself... Heh, who am I kidding." Tossing her mask aside, King pulls you for a kiss - a loud, yet oddly polite banging on the door interrupting the happy moment.

"Ms.King? We are all very glad you have found someone you are willing to protect at any cause, but some guests have raised concerns about your displays of victory. Please stop stringing your prey up over the pool. This is the third time we've had to close it this month."

[mind-empty-just-fictional-people]

i lost my y/n

masterlist

SPOILERS! based on season 15 episode 13 “destiny’s child” where au sam and dean get stuck in the wall then are used to trick chuck into thinking sam and dean are still in the bunker

summary : when another sam and dean pop into the bunker, you learn how that dean lost his version of you.

paring : dean winchester x wife!reader, au dean winchester x au!wife!reader

rating : R for language

word count : 1.8k

warnings : swearing, mentions of death, dead (au) reader, au dean “runs his fingers through your hair”, implied sex/nudity

author’s note : “i lost my mj” was definitely the inspiration for the title :,)

“i’m back!” you called out in a sing-song voice as you walked into the bunker then down the stairs. “de, they didn’t have fresh pie so i got a couple frozen ones that’ll take a while to cook but-”

you were cut off by the feeling of familiar lips on yours.

“hey, hey, hey!” dean shouted and pulled the man away from you. he looked about ready to punch his other self but you stopped him.

“i’m guessing the spell worked? i’m y/n, you must be dean, obviously,” you awkwardly smiled and reached out to shake his hand but he pulled you into a hug. “okay, that works too,” you laughed quietly.

“alright, alright, that’s enough of that,” your dean pulled you away from the hug. “what’s your deal? stop grabbing my wife, the fuck!?”

“i’m sorry, she- she looks just like my y/n, and i- i lost her, i lost my y/n,” both deans looked at you, you looked at other-world-dean with such compassion and love; you couldn’t imagine losing dean and you knew losing you must’ve hurt him immensely.

“oh, dean,” you whispered and hugged the man you just met, he hugged you back with everything in him. “i’m so sorry, hun.” you let him hold you for almost two minutes before he let go. “c’mon let’s sit down,” you nodded toward the table, still holding a grocery bag and a six pack.

“here i’ll take that,” your dean took the beer and followed you to the table. you put the bag of groceries away then came back and sat down next to your dean as the brothers told their other selves about the chuck situation.

other-world-dean couldn’t take his eyes off you, he was barely paying attention to anything else going on in the room.

“hey! other me!” your dean suddenly exclaimed, he snapped his fingers a couple times in attempt to grab his attention.

“sorry- sorry i- its just-”

“i know,” your dean stopped him. he knew losing you would kill him and he couldn’t think about that right now; he knew how much pain his other self was in but right now all that mattered was stopping chuck. “i know, i- losing y/n would be the death of me, and i’m sorry you lost her. but please, listen to what we have to say then once we leave you can talk with this y/n and get, i dunno, a bit of closure maybe?”

other dean nodded, “yeah, yeah okay; what were you saying?”

**

“come back to me, okay?” you whispered and your husband nodded. he bent down and kissed you before hugging you tightly and kissing the crown of your head.

“i will, i promise,” he mumbled into your hair. he kissed you again before he left with sam.

you turned to other dean, who was standing near the table and looked desperate to hold you. you wrapped your arms around his torso and he wrapped his around your shoulders.

“god, i miss you, y/n,” he whispered. “i miss you so fucking much.”

“it’s okay, dean, i’m here,” you replied, not really knowing what to say.

“hey, where’s the bathroom?” sam asked awkwardly.

“uh follow me,” you said. you let go of dean, keeping his hand clasped in yours, and led sam down the hall. “here. dean and i will be in the kitchen; it’s gonna be back down this hall on the left.”

sam nodded in thanks before you left with dean. in the kitchen, the pie was almost done and the beer was now cold after sitting in the fridge.

“wanna sit?” you asked him and motioned to the table. he just stared at you. you noticed tears welling in his eyes the longer you stared back. “here, sit.” you both sat down at the table and you took both his hands in yours. “talk to me like i’m her, what would you say?”

“i love you, y/n, i love you so much it physically hurts not having you with me,” he whispered and allowed the tears to fall. “i’m so sorry i didn’t save you, i- i should’ve been there, it’s my fault you- i should’ve saved you.”

“it wasn’t your fault, you have to know that,” you wiped his tears away. seeing dean like this broke your heart and silent tears escaped as you continued talking. “whatever happened i’m sure you did all you could, dean.”

“but you- you shouldn’t have been hunting, i begged you not to go into that fucking nest alone, and-” he rested his head on your chest as you ran your fingers through his hair.

“and i was stubborn enough to go in anyway,” you put the pieces of the story together. “dean, that is not on you. if i wanted to hunt i’d hunt, there’s nothing you could’ve done, please, you can’t blame yourself for that.”

“but why aren’t you hunting then? what did this other me say to you?”

“he asked me to stop and of course i said no, and,” you sighed, “i kept hunting anyway. i didn’t stop until one hunt went wrong and- and i almost got dean killed. he was so worried about me he got distracted and i- i knew i wouldn’t be able to live with myself if he got killed cause of me.”

“see that’s how i feel about you- or her!” dean sat up and looked at you. “i feel so guilty about not being fast enough to help you- her. and i know, i know it’s not really my fault but then this other part of me is saying ‘yes, yes it is dean, you- you killed her.’”

“i’m sorry,” you smiled sadly. “is there anything i can say or do to help you? i’m not your y/n, but i’m still y/n.”

“i just-” he held your face in his hands and stared at you. “i think i just wanna hold you, if that’s okay.”

“yeah, yes of course that’s okay, dean,” you brushed away more stray tears off his cheeks. “i’ll take the pie out of the oven, and we can just sit together on the couch, how does that sound?”

“sounds perfect, y/n,” dean smiled the first time since you’d seen him. the timer went off so you got up and took the pie out of the oven, placing it on the counter and fanning it lightly with your oven-mitt-covered hand.

sam came into the kitchen, “smells delicious, y/n!” he exclaimed.

“sorry, this sam doesn’t eat pie,” you told him. “there’s kale salad in the fridge though; tastes like ass in my opinion but it’s what sam eats.”

“kale salad?” sam grumbled in response.

“there’s beer too.” you handed him the bowl of salad and a cold beer. “dean n’ i are gonna be in the room down the hall, let me know if you need anything, kay?”

“okay,” sam looked at the salad with a concerned frowned.

“when the other sam and dean get back you can have some pie, how’s that sound?” you offered and sam gave you a nod in thanks. you kissed dean’s temple then motioned for him to follow you. “what?” you asked, he looked like a sad puppy.

“i’ve missed your forehead kisses, that’s all,” he whispered then swallowed thickly.

**

you and dean spent the next several hours laying down on the couch in the dean cave and watching back to the future. you knew dean wasn’t really watching, he was more focused on playing with your hair and running his fingers through it. you let him mess with it, you didn’t mind and knew he was hurting.

he kissed the top of your head several times throughout the movies, he took your hands in his and kissed them; he just held you and to him it had been so long since he held you. it had been years and he missed the feeling of your head on his chest, your legs tangled, as you watched movies.

when the boys got back they let you know it was good news and that jack might be able to take down chuck after all. before other world sam and dean left you let dean hug you tightly one last time. you gave him a couple of your phone numbers and told him if he ever wanted to talk to just give you a call and that maybe once chuck was gone they could visit from time to time. you also reminded him how much other you loved him and that she wanted him to be happy; meaning he could find someone else in brazil and be happy without her.

**

that night you laid with your husband in bed; resting comfortably atop his chest while he traced absentminded circles on your bare back.

“dean?”

“mhm?”

“if i get killed by some monster down the line,” you sat up on your elbow so you could look at him. “don’t blame yourself, okay?”

“y/n? are you okay?” he asked, concern growing in him. “why would you think you’re gonna get killed anytime soon?”

“i’m fine, i promise. it’s just, talking with other you i realized how much he was carrying on his shoulders about other-me’s death, and how much he was beating himself up about it.”

“how’d she die?” dean asked quietly.

“vampire, can you believe that? a fuckin’ vampire killed her! i mean, she had been up against gods and goddesses but she was killed by a run-of-the-mill vampire!”

“yea that’s- that doesn’t make sense.”

“i guess it was a nest she n’ other you were hunting and she got to it first. she went in without other you and by the time other you got there, other me was dead.”

“if that happened to you i would one hundred percent blame myself,” dean stated seriously.

“no that’s, ugh!” you sighed, putting your forehead on his chest in frustration. “if that happens,” you continued after bringing your head back up, “that’s not your fault! that would be my choice to go in alone! and granted, it’s not gonna happen because i don’t hunt anymore, but still!”

“but y/n-”

“no ‘buts’ dean winchester!” you interrupted. “you have to promise me if i get killed by something supernatural you will not blame yourself!”

“what about this butt?” he asked playfully, placing a hand on the sheet covering your lower half.

“yes, that butt’s all yours,” you smiled. “but seriously dean,” you reached your hand up and held his cheek. “please don’t blame yourself.”

“i can’t promise i won’t,” he whispered; he knew if something were to happen to you he’d blame the hell out of himself till the day he died.

“i know,” you replied. you sat up further and kissed his soft lips. “just know that i love you and if it does happen to be your fault i forgive you. no matter what.”

“i love you too,” he kissed you again before you laid back down on his chest.

you both went back to tracing absentminded shapes on the other’s skin as you drifted into a deep, peaceful sleep.