#this definitely has a connection to my being neurodivergent imo

[head-empty-river]

for anyone who doesn't know this grammar rule and is super confused by it, here's a psa i guess?

it's vs its

it's

if it can be broken down into "it is" then use an apostrophe "it's"

ex: "it's okay dude, you'll be fine"

its

if it's possessive, aka something that belongs to or is a descriptor of "it", then don't use an apostrophe

ex: "its grin widened"

my thoughts on the topic:

it's a weird grammar exception that (in my experience) wasn't explained well in school, so (like i used to before learning this) many people would get confused between the two. "it's" is more common, since often the thing being described with "its" tends to make more sense if a specific word is used instead. i think its most common use is in referring to previous statements (like in this sentence), or in describing something unknown/incomprehensible (imo best utilized in eldritch/cosmic horror).

fyi, english teachers often don't want you to use "its" or "it's" in essays when it can be avoided (which is partially why i think this distinction isn't taught. when students don't feel comfortable enough using it, they're more likely to choose other words instead).

[eldorr]

Cosmicqueer

With symbol (left), Without symbol (right)

Cosmicqueer is a Queer Stance where one is highly opinionated, aka me. Similar to Critinclus and other such terms. I just wanted a term for my beliefs because I saw some stuff that REALLY annoyed me the other night so here we are.

Cosmisqueer is PRO:

Non-traumagenic systems (aka systems of any kind)

Any "contradictory" or complicated queer identity (within reason, such as Turigirls and Lesboys, Cis Nonbinary Woman/Men, Gaybians, Tulipians, AMAB Transmascs, AFAB Transfems, etc.)

Split Attraction Model, such as Mspec Gay, Mspec Lesbian, Alloaro, Alloace, Alloallo Apl, etc. (Essentially inclusive of any non-rose attraction terms such as Alterous, Queerplatonic, Exteramo, Familial, etc., provided one's form of attraction with those is non-normative.)

Aldernic and Altersex

Terms to describe complicated forms of oppression, such as Exorsexism, Treimisia, and Transandromisia. Cosmisqueer also stands to uplift discussions on general transmisia, transmisogyny, homomisia, amisia, etc. (I personally prefer to use the suffix of misia over phobia.)

Neurodivergent, Race, Nonhuman, etc. exclusive genders/orientations/terms

Nonhumans, Otherkin, Alterhumans, etc.

Reclamation of slurs

Informed Self diagnosis

Kink

Objectum, Conceptum

Polyamory, Non-partnering, any non monoamory identity.

Any non-normative being describing oneself as Queer. (Within reason, should only be done if it's an aspect that defines one's identity a decent amount imo.)

Comsicqueer does NOT support:

Radqueer or other similar queer stances

Safequeer

Transid/TransX (Diaracial, Transage, Transabled, etc.)

Pro-Contact or any not anti-contact stance for non-consensual paraphilias (The big 3, and others)

Terms related to the big 3, non-consensual paras, highly dubious concepts. (Minus MAD flags, depending on the nuance of the subject at hand.)

Pro-ship ideology, non-critical fiction stances.

Pro-Incest, Pro-S/H, Pro-ED.

Emojis I'd associate with Cosmicqueer are: ✨☄️🌈. (Sparkles, Comet, Rainbow.)

I already pretty much ID with a couple queer stances, I just wanted a stance where one's Queer, and feels the word Queer can apply to any non-normative identity relating to gender, orientation, presentation, etc. while feeling Queer is inherently connected to the kink community, and can apply to nonhumans, plurals/systems, non-monoamorous beings, etc. as long as their internal identity affects their external expression in any shape and form, being visibly or socially "non-normative." (Within reason, hence the exclusion of actual harmful identities, actions, stances, etc.)

Essentially using the old definition of Queer to cover "strange" and "odd" identity, and blurring the boundaries between the old use of the word Queer, and the current use of it. Essentially I dislike people reducing Queer to just gender identity and sexual orientation, when Queer has always covered much more than that.

[leather-blr]

Headcanon dump when

you’ve made a grave mistake. media analysis is one of my special interests and i’m also a lifelong writer so this will definitely start to get incomprehensibly ranty (warning i literally gave like an essay length explanation of how i would rewrite heinz’ story in mml s2 and this whole thing devolves away from the question very quickly)

1. my funniest one and most out of pocket one i like to bring up is that i think doofenshmirtz is such a whore imo. an absolute harlot. i think he gets around. not like people are attracted to him or find him charming (he is NOT) but he will have been with everyone in the room, like, at least once. particularly the love muffin scientists, especially rodney, and he and monogram DEFINITELY were together at some point

2. on the monogram thing, i figured monogram “experimented” at one point before doof was an owca threat and dated heinz for a short period of time and that’s why they call eachother by their first names and are so familiar with eachother (heinz probably turned him from bi-curious to homophobic very quickly). i just think the idea is hilarious

3. obviously, heinz is transgender and so is perry, that’s a given. and as mentioned one of my previous posts, 2d doof is a karen archetype and your conservative aunt at thanksgiving dinner (you decide if he’s actually cishet or if he’s like blaire white)

4. less of a headcanon and more of an “i wish this happened”, i think monty and vanessa should have stayed together and i don’t like ferbnessa much but that’s also a pretty popular take. i like the perryshmirtz parallels what can i say. also this pairs very funnily with my first and second headcanons

5. buford and bajeet are qpps (they don’t know what that is but they are). ginger is supportive

6. another obvious one, i think pretty much everyone is neurodivergent because of course they are. to get specific on the ones i feel strongest about, heinz has audhd, perry is low-empathy autistic, the rest of the flynn-fletcher family besides linda are autistic, milo is autistic, cavendish is autistic, and dakota has adhd. thank you for listening to my ted talk. i’m actually.. 👉👈 writing my first ever fic, focused around how heinz and perry communicate with their contrasting neurodivergence that will be up on this account once i finally post it to ao3, and that goes a lot more in depth

7. this is actually something i feel differs a bit from most headcanons i see. my take is that norm initially (throughout most of pnf) does not see perry as a father figure at all and only tries to get that from doof, and is also jealous that perry gets all his attention, so kind of actively dislikes him. he also hasn’t made the connection that anyone other than heinz could fulfill that role for him, because in his robot brain, he will take father in the most literal definition, like they have to be directly responsible for creating you. and not something more complex and nuanced like it actually is because he’s a robot and he’s not gonna get that right away. but i feel like over time, he’d begin to realize those nuances, and start to accept perry as family, and get much more out of him as a father figure than heinz. especially since (unless it’s a human au) they would have similarly complicated relationships with not being human but also being fully sentient.

that was a long one and i still don’t feel like i covered all of it but maybe i’ll do a fic about that one too one day 💔

8. i don’t know, as i am writing this sentence, how explosive i will get with my details on this one, but my favorite proposed future for heinz is both a mix between doof 101 and act your age. so an open secret between my friends and i is that although i love both seasons of milo murphy’s law, i really. really. dislike the whole professor time thing. don’t get me wrong, i would keep the whole reveal and not change anything about the season 1 finale.

but, if i, alister r. zamir, were personally hired by dan povenmire and swampy marsh to write the continuation of said finale, i would make everyone including the audience think he’s professor time but have that be a RED HERRING and not ACTUALLY have him be professor time because i think that’s REALLY BAD!! (maybe make it sara or cavendish or even phineas and ferb since they already did that)

the reason why i, the new writer of milo murphy’s law season 2, think this sucks, is because heinz has spent his whole life trying to live up to the expectations of others, and in the shadow of others and is always striving for unreachable goals to substantiate his self worth. it’s like his whole character, it’s his whole thing, this is his canon ass story, so to just throoooww in that whole professor time thing VALIDATES this behavior and encourages him to keep holding himself at an unnecessarily high standard, PLUS the fate of the world is kind of in his hands now, so that’s FINE. AND IM FINE ABOUT IT AND IM NOT MAD. YOU ARE.

so coming back to doof 101 and act your age, particularly act your age (which i also don’t like as an episode but that’s another story), as somebody who suffers from The Serious Illnesses of the Mental Variety, heinz being able to move on, adjust his expectations, and not be doing great or amazing or rule the tristate whatever and just be fine with doing alright, is super meaningful and relatable to me

so i think they should have just stuck with that. i like the phineas and ferb characters included in mml and like i said id keep a lot of it, but i’d save all the heinz arc stuff for phineas and ferb exclusively cause i love the perry funding professor time thing and that whole deal is cute but also i hate it. because it’s so rushed. and everything with his development feels so out of place. and wrong. and it makes me throw a tantrum.

not to mention, but i WILL, how heinz is completely justified about being upset and falling into depression because of this whole ordeal, and they sorttt of treat it like he’s justified? but they also make him unbearably annoying and we as an audience are justifiably unsympathetic to that and it seems like you want me to feel bad for him sometimes but also hate his guts, which could have been an interesting conundrum ig, but even though i love milo murphy’s law, it’s character writing is farrr from strong enough to get any kind of interesting story or arc out of that

so like, in conclusion, dwampy, hire me, i will work for pennies

alright that’s not all of them but i’ve been writing for 20 minutes and my fingers hurt thank you very much for asking me i needed to get these out of my system

[egoepicure]

just gonna ramble about my personal experience with being objectum!

also making this a little "share your story" post!

feel free to add your own experience, regardless of how odd you may think it is or how few people you see with the same views.

are you posic? no? do you believe your objectum feelings are due to or partially due to past experiences or neurodivergency? do you only feel certain attraction for objects and do you feel attraction to people? do you experience stuff with your objectum identity that you dont often see other objectum people talk about? i'd love to hear different peoples pov of this!

my personal stuff under the cut!

I feel a tad bit odd about my personal experience with being os/or / objectum. i'm not posic really? i dont view objects as having souls or being alive in any capacity, though a lot of people ive seen on here do that. for me, having something fully able to react and such as a human does kind of puts me off as it brings back any stress of human interaction i experience. this isnt to say i think nothing of the objects around me.

im more of a lowkey spiritual person, i dont practice many things activily, but i hold beliefs. one of those beliefs is everything having energy inside of it. this isn't necessarily a soul or being alive, but regardless of that energies can be attractive. its why i consider myself masc-leaning os/or. things with more "masculine" energy or far more attractive to me.

i can come up with personalities, names, gender, etc for objects, and usually they come naturally based on that energy, but when it comes down to it i dont believe anything of that sort is necessarily real. that doesnt stop me from being attached to and attracted objects, concepts, places, etc.

people have never been very interesting to me, im not sure how much of that is influenced by my being ND (though, definitely the lack of even platonic or familial bonding is part of that), and for me alternative things have always been easier for me to bond and become attached to and i refer to myself as aroace because of this, since im really not attracted to people at all. objects have always been a safe space for me to seek comfort, be openly awkward or embarrassing, experiment, confide in, and honestly it has always been more satisfying and less negative for me that connecting with people, since that doesn't come naturally to me personally.

my object bonding doesnt stop at just positive bonds either lol, there are some objects i HATE (especially some of the machines at my work place... i swear they are difficult on purpose, only act up when they shouldnt... they have the energy of cranky old people doing everything out of spite...). but usually, my bonding is more confusing, i dont think in the simply terms of bonds (platonic, romantic, sexual, aesthetics, whatever) as ive never really understood them too much, and a lot of them overlap or are different depending on time and mood or object ofc. objects are also a space i dont have to be worried about that with though.

i know a lot of objectum people are very attached to their objects of course, and i am too, but due to past experiences with having things taken from me / thrown out on me / changed without my permission, and nd issues with apathy and such i dont think im as caring about "hurting" (again dont view my objects as alive so they cant really be hurt imo) or throwing away objects as even sentimental non-objectum people honestly.

[leithillustration]

Tarot Suits and the Gangsey

Does anyone have thoughts on which of the four minor arcana suits match which characters in the Gangsey? This is something I’ve been wondering about since I want to make some illustrations referencing the qualities of each suit in order to help me in my tarot readings. Obvs being a big Raven Cycle and Dreamer Trilogy nerd, I cannot possibly consider doing these illustrations without including my good boyos in the background!

Here’s what I have so far (below the cut)… sorry it’s such an essay… but also not sorry. CW: Spoilers?

💙Blue of Cups

Obviously Cups has to be Blue, right? It’s referenced so much in the books. Cups is all about togetherness, family, creativity, love, feelings, how we express emotions and connect to others. It feels right that this is Blue, with her connections to her family at 300 Fox Way. The way she communicates with Gansey, Adam, Ronan and Noah and loves them all for different reasons. Blue is creative and the element of water seems to fit her well - she reflects others potential while having hidden depths of her own, and holds her dreams close to her heart. Blue is also fiery enough to be wands, especially with her ambitions to travel and her creativity, but I’m not sure it fits her as well as Cups. I think there is still space within Cups for her to be her wonderful passionate feminist self.

Here are my first sketches for this piece.

🗡️Gansey of Swords..?

I feel Gansey is a good fit for representing Swords as it’s about intellect, logic, reasoning, knowledge, ideas, taking action. The imagery of Gansey with a sword is very kingly, and through TRC he’s constantly striving for knowledge and applying his own brand of Welsh King obsessed logic to everything (Gansey truly is the king of neurodivergent hyperfixation/adhd deep dives and I love him for it). Conflict is a part of swords too, and Gansey has a lot of that going on with Adam and Ronan as well as his family.. BUT here’s where I start to question things. Swords could just as easily apply to Adam. He’s arguably wrapped up in more conflict than Gansey (his father, his view of himself and what he wants, his ambitions constantly butting up against his background etc) and he’s an equal driving force for action throughout TRC. He’s intelligent and logical too. So who is a greater representation of Swords energy? Gansey could also represent Pentacles for his wealth and his connection to Glendower being very earthy.

🔥Ronan of Wands.. or Pentacles.. or Cups!?

Before I go on to apply Adam to every other tarot suit too, let’s give Ronan some attention. Wands is a great fit for Ronan (despite the magician imagery that obviously suits Adam- oops, I said I’d move on). Wands has fire energy, and Ronan is burning throughout TRC and The Dreamer Trilogy (thank you so so much Maggie for giving us this amazing spin off which gives me LIFE). He’s active and passionate, creative and everything is sexually charged with him. He can be aggressive and argumentative, and he grows so so much throughout all the books. But then, perhaps because if that growth, Ronan fits with so much earth energy too, which is encompassed by Pentacles. He dreams of / is partly a fantastical forest (all the best people are). His dreams are all about sensation, he is grounded in nature at the barns and he has strong values… which also relates to Cups! Ronan’s love and fierce loyalty for his family and friends, the way he loves is so cups! He’s instinctive. He wears his heart on his sleeve (I know there is a quote about this somewhere in the Dreamer Trilogy but I have no idea where). Cups is about dreams and family. Ronan is definitely Wands throughout TRC, but he’s also very Cups too in TDT imo. Of course, there’s also the conflict aspect of Swords that is Ronan all over- the punk is made of conflict - plus Ronan makes Vexed to Nightmare so he literally has a sword.. but the rest of the Sword suit doesn’t really fit with him as he’s far more about feelings and instinct than logic and reasoning.

🌱Adam of Pentacles… but also everything else too.

I originally cringed at applying Pentacles to Adam (I feel like he’d be mad at me because this suit has so much to do with finance) but having thought about it more, I think it fits him quite well. Pentacles has earth energy, which is so Adam Parish it’s ridiculous. I will be your hands, I will be your eyes etc. Despite all the turmoil in TRC, Adam remains grounded. He’s sure of where he wants to get to. He’s probably the most practical of the group too, next to Blue, and is very aware of his environment and his financial instability. He strives for financial security and seeks opportunities where he can. Throughout and especially by the end of the Dreamer trilogy, he’s a real grounding force for Ronan (fuck, Greywarren did things to me. Is it too much to stick my favourite Adam / Ronan chapters to my walls?!) and his connection to Cabeswater in TRC is all very earthy.. but it’s also very mystical and Cuppy?? Cups encompasses psychic energy which Adam has in spades. He also has the intellectual prowess and logic for Swords, and the fiery stubbornness and ambition of Wands.

Ultimately I think it’s really interesting how all the characters overlap in some areas, just like the tarot suits do. I’m very excited to make some art based on it all!

PS- Noah’s suit is Major Arcana. Henry’s suit is a toga.

PPS- If you read this far, thank you for sticking with my ramblings! Have a cute little ghost 👻

[vesicelestial]

how do you define xenogender then? /genq

b/c as someone who is neurodivergent and heavily relies on definitions and differences between two definitions, the whole "it simply isn't" is quite inaccessible when it comes to actually understanding what the difference actually is

like if it can even be explained as "xenogenders usually relate to concepts in THIS way, while this gender relates to a concept ANOTHER way" or something like xenogender explain how one gender's feel, while these kinds of gender explain like, idk, how one's gender functions? if that makes sense

like I understand the whole "xenogender just doesn't explain my experience" premise, but when it actually comes to conceptualizing and distinguishing between the two kinds of genders, it becomes confusing when there isn't this baseline idea that separates the two? if that makes sense.

the original meaning of xenogender was "a gender that cannot be contained by human understandings of gender". it has since expanded to sort of... consume every gender, mainly due to lack of alternatives. to be honest i don't like xenogender very much because of this ambiguity, and how people have sort of just thrown a lot of labels under that until it has come to mean something like "genders directly and typically nonmetaphorically connected to some kind of object, place, concept". but these definitely can be contained by human understandings of gender, because plenty of humans use them, and usually the things they are connected to are things that are Very Human (time, for example, is a quite human concept!) a more accurate depiction of xenogender, IMO, would be something more like primarily nonhuman genders.

newer gender umbrellas are actually way easier for me to use since they have specific rules and connections! things like kenochoric and luxine have a bunch of rules to help people hone in on their actual connection (which is generally a hard to describe nebulous feeling, but for kenochoric it tends to be something like "uncanny" or "eerie". for luxine it is "holy", "divine", "glittering", "vast". for luminoir it is just connection to light and/or positivity!) . these rules all help people understand exactly which genders fit them. xenogender can now, at best, be vaguely defined as genders that don't fit those categories (based on people's usage). it also tends to be used to refer to anything that's connected to some concept besides male or female, which is pretty odd considering even male and female have connected concepts!

basically, i think as a community we should redefine xenogender to have a more concrete definition.. going back to its roots of being a gender unable to be understood by human understanding, i would propose xenogender being an umbrella for nonhuman genders, and/or genders connected to things that literally cannot be understood from a human standpoint. neogender is honestly a better word for what xenogender has become since it encompasses all "new" genders.

[dilfhaljordan]

y’know, i think i might’ve realized why so many people gravitate towards batfam instead of flashfam

to the extent of my knowledge, most of the flashfam are related to each other either biologically or by marrying (to clarify i’m talking specifically abt pre52 flashfam rn since i haven’t actually read any of the new52 yet). you have:

barry allen, the flash

iris west, barry’s wide

wally west, iris’ nephew

linda park, wally’s wife

don and dawn allen, iris and barry’s children in the 30th century

jenni ognats, the daughter of don and jeven ognats

bart, the son of dawn and meloni thawne, making him jenni’s cousin and wally’s first cousin once removed (i think so anyways i’m not sure)

owen mercer, bart’s half-brother

thaddeus thawne II, bart’s clone and technically his twin/brother

jai and irey west, linda and wally’s kids

pretty much the only ones who aren’t biologically related in any sense are jay and joan garrick, who imo act like barry’s parents, and also temporarily had bart in their care for a while

of course, this isn’t including people like jesse chambers, max crandall, johnny chambers, etc. bc i’m mostly going through the family tree, however they are very close friends/allies who are generally considered as part of the flashfam

ANYWAYS, like i said, that list of people? they’re all biologically connected in some way, or in linda + joan + iris’s cases, they married in.

now let’s look at the batfam, which is made up almost entirely of non-biologically related people (once again, not taking into account close friends such as babs and steph):

alfred pennyworth, the wayne’s butler and the man who raised bruce (along with leslie thompkins)

bruce wayne, batman

dick grayson, bruce’s first son

jason todd, bruce’s second son

tim drake, the third son

cassandra cain, bruce’s one and only daughter

damian wayne, son of bruce and talia al ghul, and the only member with any sort of blood relation to bruce

talia al ghul, who isn’t generally considered a part of the batfam (thanks to morrison ruining her entire character smh) but was once married to bruce

this list also doesn’t take into account close friends/allies like stephanie brown, barbara gordon, selina kyle, etc. bc none of them are official members of the family, though they are counted as family by most people (including me). again, these are the official members of the batfam

it’s pretty common knowledge that the batfam is the most popular family in the entire dc franchise. the fanworks alone go to show that, and dc isn’t much better when it comes to that. it can be hard to figure out why, since the batfam can be so messed up sometimes, especially compared to the flashfam, which imo is one of the most openly loving and caring families in dc. despite that, the flashfam fandom is like a single speck of dust compared to the batfam fandom, which can honestly be really frustrating bc they deserve more recognition, but i digress

anyways, the main difference between these two families?

blood relations.

okay, let me explain. here’s the thing—the batfam fandom is mostly made up of people that are queer, neurodivergent, mentally ill, or maybe just don’t have that great of a home life. this post explains it much better than i ever could, but the general gist is that these people love the concept of found family since they usually don’t have an amazing relationship or are rejected by their blood family, and the batfam is built on found family. like i said, the only people related by blood are bruce and damian—everyone else is a) adopted or b) close enough to the family that they’re considered part of it (think steph, babs, alfred, etc.)

now, i’m pretty sure that the batfam is the only family that’s pretty much completely found family (with the exception of lanternfam, but hal, kyle, jess, simon etc. don’t fall into archetypal roles like the dad, the brother, the uncle, etc. so i feel like that plays a big role in why the lanternfam isn’t nearly as popular + the fact that most people just don’t really seem to care about them). most of dc’s other families are blood related—and this includes flashfam, which i think it actually the family that has the most blood-related members in it.

here’s the thing—some of the members of the flashfam absolutely do play at least a little bit into found family. take bart, for example—he travelled back in time from the future. iris couldn’t take care of him bc she couldn’t spoil future events for the others (i think so anyways i’m not too sure), wally was nowhere prepared to mentor a kid who was so much like him, so max was the one to take him in, and they ended up having an amazing father-son relationship, and they weren’t related to each other, either.

still, despite definitely having more healthy relationships than the batfam, most of the flashfam is blood-related, which is probably a huge part of why people gravitate towards the batfam—the idea of having a found family that, while dysfunctional and messy, is a family that loves each other, is really appealing towards people who are queer/neurodivergent/etc. not only that, a lot of the batfam members are unintentionally neurodivergent coded, which is another reason for the flashfam not being nearly as popular (though i firmly believe that most if not all speedsters are adhd i mean just look at bart’s 90s solo comic but that’s not the point)

of course there’s also the fact that dc just loves promoting the batfam for whatever reason...most of the dc animated movies have batman + nightwing in them, and god whenever i scroll down to movies that have ‘batman’ in their title on my tv list it’s so goddamn long...batman himself is one of the most well-known fictional characters ever, and while the flash is popular, it pales in comparison to batman. most forms of dc media have the batfam or at least bruce, alfred + dick or damian in them (batman and harley quinn, batman vs robin, the dcamu universe, etc.) while the flash...

i’m pretty sure barry’s the only one to really consistently appear in any sort of dc media that isn’t comics, but the one movie that could be considered a flashfam movie is justice league: the flashpoint paradox and even then i feel like it’s a stretch. other than that, all i can think of if wally making some cameos in the 2003 teen titans cartoon + his appearances in ttg. even in video games, there’s no bart, no jay, no max—only barry as the flash and wally as kid flash, even if the timeline doesn’t make sense

so yeah. that’s my reasoning for why the batfam is so much more popular than the flashfam

[hellowkatey]

post-finale thoughts on the bad batch below the cut

[I'm specifically focusing on story and characters. this doesn't even begin to address the issues with their animation design, coloring, and the whole lot of racial, stereotypical, and ableist themes that show up, they are important to be aware of and speak out against. resources that I have found helpful are linked.]

@revenge-of-the-shit has a great compendium with lots of resources for both TBB and SW as a whole | change.org petition

okay.

As a SW fan, I am no stranger to putting up with meh writing because of my love for the characters. I love found family and I love the protective space dad trope with all my being, so TBB caught me by the hyperfixation... but not until the last few episodes of the season.

I loved Echo and Tech from the beginning. As someone who is neurodivergent, I relate to Tech a lot. And I've had a soft spot for Echo since TCW. Wrecker and Omega are more neutral for me. I like them but don't connect to them as much. My like for Hunter decreased as the season progressed, and I disliked Crosshair until episode 15. After part 1 of the finale, I went back and rewatched TCW backdoor pilot and actually began to understand Crosshair.

Coming into the 2nd part of the finale, I sort of expected them to discover Crosshair still had his chip despite claiming to already have it removed, remove it, and they fly off in the Marauder into the sunset, brothers again.

Obviously that is not what happened. But I'm not mad about that. I'm actually glad this didn't happen, though it hurt to see that wide shot of Crosshair standing alone on the platform as his brothers flew away.

I do think Crosshair still has his chip. I think the Empire tricked him into thinking they removed it. It's a mind game. Because Crosshair thinks he had the chip removed, he stops fighting the impulses to support the Empire over his team. He genuinely believes he has chosen this.

And, because Crosshair by nature is severe and unyielding (as Tech says), his natural personality is not far off from the aggression and standoffish shift that chipped clones display. But compared to how Crosshair was in TCW and the first episode, he's definitely not all there imo. The fact he remained loyal to the Empire after they destroyed Kamino with him on it (and the scenes of him still having headaches-- I mean, hello, how did the boys miss that??) is why I believe he is still chipped.

But I am glad Crosshair did not go with them even though it messes up the premise of a fic I wrote between ep. 15 and 16 (rip). The finale was important for bringing the boys back together so they can see they all still care about one another, but there's a difference in ideology. And there's a breach of trust on both sides.

Crosshair needs to see for himself that the Empire has been manipulating him and he needs to come to that conclusion on his own. The Bad Batch, mainly Hunter, needs to realize that they did abandon their brother because as soon as they figured out about the inhibitor chips their primary mission should have been getting Crosshair out of there.

In terms of the conflict between Crosshair & himself and Crosshair & The Bad Batch, I think the show did a good job. It's an extremely complex issue, and they depicted the characters as true humans that make mistakes and have to atone for them. I hope season 2 focuses on what they need to work on individually to be ready to come back together as a team.

That is why I think I watched the show but didn't really connect to it until we actually got back to the main conflict from the first episode.

But this was a 16-episode season. They filled half a season with cameos and odd-jobs which were hardly used it to advance the characters' arcs. (At least when the Mandalorian S2 did this, the cameos contributed to the journey in some way.)

Tech, Echo, and Wrecker basically got no development when there were lots of opportunities to explore this-- I mean, we have Echo who was a POW, the last of his squad, pretty well acquainted with the Jedi, and the only "reg" among them. Before he was taken by the Techno Union, he was a huge advocate of following orders and doing things by the books. I feel like he would have had a hard time with learning about the chips and Fives' death amongst other things. Tech and Crosshair were depicted working together a lot in TCW, and he is one of the few that (sort of) defends Crosshair in the finale, but that dynamic isn't explored much either. And Wrecker's chip actually activated and he hurts his brothers. Yet, there's not really any sort of fallout there either. I also feel like they alluded to Omega having some sort of special ability at the beginning and then we just never touched on it again.

I point out these things not just as a fan, but as someone who studied writing and storytelling in college. You can have your round and flat, dynamic and static characters, but they still should have a complete arc. And they all can't be flat. Especially as being part of the main cast. I think they focused mainly on external struggles and forgot about the internal ones, which would have been much more profound. If The Bad Batch was an anthology of their missions during TCW I would be a little more forgiving of the mission-to-mission episode format, but this immediately following Order 66. One of the most emotional moments in the SW franchise.

Don't get me wrong, I loved moments of the show. It's inspired me enough to read (and write) fic for it. And I've read some really kick ass writing that has fulfilled a lot of the desires I had for the show in terms of addressing internal conflict and character development. I'm well acquainted with the fandom by this point to know emotional depth is not often a priority in SW. But I did not expect the show to lack basic character development for main characters. I've browsed The Bad Batch AO3 tag a few times now, and a very large portion has to do with creating character development and backstory that doesn't exist in canon yet. I think that says a lot on its own.

This is long so I'll stop but my overall opinion of the show is bittersweet. If someone asked me what I thought of it in one sentence, I would say "it has potential". But since S2 is confirmed, it sounds like they should have time to see fan responses, take the valid criticisms to heart, and I think TBB has the potential to join the club of a beloved SW show with a rough first season.

[coldwind-shiningstars]

I have been thinking a lot about how disability is viewed within the cultivation world lately. Because on the one hand you have neurodivergent cultivators like lwj, wwx or wn, thriving and respected or at least being loved in their respective positions in society. On the other hand, the stigma around visible disability seems to be so bad that jgy had cause to believe that his son being disabled would be enough to question his lineage and ruin jgy's reputation. I was wondering what you think.

First off I am super flattered you asked me this question! Please take these answers with the knowledge that I am working from my Western perspective and the bits of research I've done on disability in ancient China are, I'm certain, not enough. If you have JSTOR access I read "MARKED OUT FOR GREATNESS? PERCEPTIONS OF DEFORMITY AND PHYSICAL IMPAIRMENT IN ANCIENT CHINA" by Olivia Milburn and it was really interesting! Warning for frequent use of the word "crippled" but… yes.

As for your questions!

First, I would disagree with you that Wen Ning is treated well! Wen Qing loves him very much, but pretty much until he becomes a fierce corpse she's overly protective and doesn't really allow him to make his own decisions. The other Wens dislike and mock him -- in the book, when WWX compliments his archery, the other Wens are quite cruel and do not allow him to compete. There was a post I saw recently about how wwx was the first person to really respect him, and I think that's true. Wen Ning is treated like a child, despite how often he makes story-altering decisions! He's considered someone to be protected and kept safe up until he becomes an Actual Undead Zombie. CQL tries to give us an "explanation," while MDZS kind of goes "it's just how he is," but he's still... yeah he's loved but he's not respected.

As for Lan Wangji, I don't think anyone realizes he's got the same kind of Brainproblems as Wen Ning. I've mentioned before how perfect Cloud Recesses seems to be for Lan Wangji and his autisticness. I think he's seen as strange and elitist and very reticent, but it's treated as a quirk of his personality, to be Tolerated because he's so virtuous and skilled. No cultivator (except probably themselves, if they managed to talk to each other for long) is going to make a link between them because they don't have a concept of "autism." I've been poking at Qin Su being autistic too -- she's considered childish, naive, unusual for being the instigating party in the jgy/qs romance, but nobody connects HER strangeness to lwj or wn. So… yeah, I don't think anyone really considers lwj disabled? So he's less affected by that particular stigma. There's a line in the paper about how "people were marked as handicapped… only when their [disabilities] prevented them from engaging in society" and lwj certainly is active in the cultivation world.

Wei Wuxian is... I'll talk about him tomorrow. His neurodivergence is SO wrapped up in the ways he navigates his roles in society? He's got, as Alpha said, Bad Syndrome, a horrible mix of (imo) ADHD, bipolar, and PTSD, and sometimes he can manage it and end up the class clown, and sometimes he's having a breakdown in front of a few thousand people with swords. You know how it goes!

On a DIFFERENT note, physical disabilities and cultivators are also weird. I love the CQL canon that Yanli has some sort of chronic illness, and I'm pretty sure Wei Wuxian has one post-Burial Mounds. But the thing is… Cultivators have superhuman healing. They don't really get sick. I think there's a perception that physical disability doesn't exist among cultivators, and if it DOES it's the fault of that person for having a weak golden core. Yanli's always gossiped about for her poor cultivation, while I'm pretty sure most of her golden core goes towards keeping her functional/alive! Similarly, wwx's (dysautonomia…) symptoms like fainting a lot and getting tired more easily are blamed on his demonic cultivation. I'm sure physical disabilities and cultivation interact in really interesting ways! But people definitely are still able to BE physically disabled and I don't think cultivators as a whole want to talk about that.

They're elitist! The discipline whip used on LWJ is mentioned to leave scars even on cultivators. This… implies to me that most wounds are expected to NOT leave scars. I think cultivators are really shitty to physically disabled people because they don't want to have disabled people cultivating.

So it's (and this is also informed by that same paper) "either ignore your disability and cultivate like an abled person, or don't engage."

As for Jin Rusong… I think it's possible that he was intellectually disabled! Not nescessarily because of the incest -- I don't think half sibling incest, without incest in either of their lines, is going to make significant birth defects. But Jin Guangyao is so scared of everything. And people are so willing to throw all sorts of ad hominem attacks at him? So I think it's less that he was worried his son would be intellectually disabled, and more that he was afraid that his son being intellectually disabled would a) make people talk and b) possibly lead someone to investigate Why, and they would either end up blaming jgy's mother (a STRONG trigger for him) or find out the Incest Situation. So the disability was not the problem? It was more what lead to the disability.

Sorry for how INCREDIBLY long this is, and I might add more thoughts tomorrow when it is not three AM.

[puthyjuth]

Sometimes i feel very guilty for being an introvert and not wanting to socialize...

its definitely something about having to spend my entire childhood isolated bc of my moms trauma :) but yea like i love almost everyone i meet. truly, well, people i care about i love and think about ykwim not like random ppl i meet. but its really hard to stay connected when so much of the time i just wanna be alone

i think its bc of social pressures to be Doing something together, bc with my neurodivergent friends i love hanging out with them bc we can be apart but present together bc we dont pressure each other to be constantly talking or doing something, we can simply exist with each other just chillin but when we do talk then its nice

living with an extroverted friend and her partner, shes very like... out there, i think she just has a large personality that attracts attention bc of her charisma, its nice most times but over time ive just needed alone time. sometimes ill leave the door slightly open not completely closed/open just to say im not mad or wanna be isolated but need time alone, but i keep getting interrupted like she keeps coming in the room and hopping in the bed. 

and its fine, but over the weeks, i get exhausted when i feel like i cant completely expect my alone time to be alone i feel like im constantly compromising my personal time. i also have sensitive ears imo like loud noises more than ever have been really affecting me, i feel very bothered by loud noises like nails scratching on a keyboard feeling & she yells a lot in her natural talk (she lives w her partner too so we’re all just kinda constantly hangin out) and just loud noises stress me out

UTIs suck and i just smoked so hopefully this doesn’t sound too confusing i literally went from brain neuron to physical movement and skipped the middle thinking about what i have to say part

[madeofsplinters]

Dear Creator (Star Wars Rare Pairs 2020)

Hello, Star Wars Rare Pairs partner! I'm excited to be in this gift exchange with you and I'm sure I'll like whatever you create! Please take all my prompts and likes as suggestions only and feel free to take the pairings in any direction that speaks to you. However, I've discovered how much I like it when the people I'm assigned to write very detailed letters, so I'm writing one for you in hopes that it sparks some ideas.

General likes / DNWs will be listed first, and then I'll go further into my feelings about each specific pairing.

==========

GENERAL SHIPPING LIKES - Power imbalances - Inappropriate use of the Force - D/s, but also dynamics that subvert standard D/s expectations: bratting, switching, topping from the bottom, submissives with strong personalities, pairs of tops with contrasting styles - Villainfucking, and/or a general "being evil is hot" vibe - Messed-up characters in messed-up situations caring deeply about each other in their messed-up way - Strong focus on the characters' desire & pleasure, on the psychology of sex at least as much as its mechanics - Consensual sadism - Possessiveness - Telepathy / psychic connections - Primal kink - Petplay or animalistic behavior - Characters who own up to their mistakes with each other - Cuddling/snuggling - Sex magic / sex rituals - Dirty talk

OTHER GENERAL LIKES - Disability, neurodivergence, trauma, and mental illness being explored in realistic ways - Angst - Hurt/comfort - Whump - Crack - Crack treated seriously - Moments of softness, hope, or levity even in dark stories - Dark characters improbably doing cute or vulnerable things - Character study - Characters being themselves in the most extra ways - Settings being themselves in the most extra ways - Settings or parts of settings being somehow alive - Spiritual topics, especially fleshing out the beliefs and practices of a fictional religion or exploring how that religion's adherents feel about it - Tense ballroom/banquet/formal scenes - Unreliable narrators, dramatic irony, and "Rashomon" structures - Playing around with structure and format in general (feel free to make me something totally off-the-wall formatwise) - Monsters - Dinosaurs - Blankies

DNW/DO NOT WANT - Scat/watersports - Explicit underage sex - Euthanasia - Onscreen major harm/death to children (offscreen or referenced is fine) - Asphyxiation with an environmental cause (e.g. air running out in a spacecraft)

==========

WILHUFF TARKIN / DARTH VADER

I will read almost anything to do with this ship, but here are some of the things I'd be particularly delighted to see explored.

- The ambiguous, subtle power dynamic between them and how each of them likely interprets how that works in a different way. Especially if it extends to a kink dynamic, but even when it's just their working relationship it's fun. - Working together on Imperial stuff. One of the things that separates Vader/Tarkin from many similar villain pairings, IMO, is that they're genuinely a good team despite their squabbles. - Creative explorations of how Vader's disability affects his approach to intimacy. - Tarkin and primal kink: there is *so* much low-hanging fruit here. He's literally hunted Vader for sport in canon! I love all the weird-ass hunting-related bullshit in Tarkin's canon backstory and I like explorations of how that affects his outlook on life. - Tarkin being one of the few "normal" people who get to see how some of the weird mystic Sith stuff at the heart of the Empire works, and how he feels about that, and how Vader feels about being seen that way.

==========

NATASI DAALA / WILHUFF TARKIN

I have developed a guilty fascination with this pairing. The power imbalance is HUGE, but that's sort of the point? My favorite approach for this pairing is stuff that acknowledges how fucked up it is, and how that affects the characters, while also showing what they desire & enjoy about it (especially what Daala desires/enjoys).

I am aware that this ship pushes up really hard against the Underage tag, and that explicit underage sex is one of my DNWs, and that can be a fine line to walk. There are various approaches you can take: you can handwave that Daala was 18-19 when they got together (since canon is vague - or at least the Wookieepedia is - and that age range honestly makes more sense given the rest of the timeline); you can set the story a little later when their relationship has been established for a few years; or you can just not write any onscreen sex. Any of these are fine. I just don't want the really graphic underage stuff.

Ship-specific prompts: - What did Daala actually learn from Tarkin while he mentored her? What were the lessons like? - Stolen moments in bizarre locations because ~*~secrecy~*~ - Both of them geeking out excitedly about objectively horrific Imperial superweapons - Entire military campaigns that are secretly also a weird D/s game (she has command of such-and-such ships; but who has command of her?) - Tarkin is a famous public figure and Daala canonically wrote an excellent analysis of the Tarkin Doctrine in school; what did she think of him before they got together? - What does Daala think about the Carrion Plateau? Did Tarkin ever secretly take her there?

==========

ENFYS NEST / QI'RA

The SOLO movie introduced so many awesome ladies and then didn't do enough with them! And, of the possible ships that can be imagined for them, I especially like the idea of Enfys/Qi'ra simply because of how both characters contrast. They're both very tough, accomplished leaders who play outside the bounds of the law, but in everything from their gender presentation to their methods of work to their willingness to cooperate with the Empire they are complete opposites! What kind of sparks would fly if those opposites attracted? What would one of those sets of wiles look like pitted against the other?

(Also, I like Enfys's mask... >.>)

Ship-specific prompts: - One of them captures the other! Sexual tension ensues. - Most people haven't seen Enfys's face, which means she can go incognito without her armor and not be recognized... Except by a few. Qi'ra is now one of the few. This gives her leverage. - There's a lot of room to play with Enfys and gender, given that she's a young woman who wears bulky armor and uses a voice modulator and is mistaken for a man. A trans or genderqueer reading of this character is very easy and I'm definitely up for that. But there's also a lot of room to play with a cis Enfys simply noticing the differences in how she's treated as an unarmored woman vs. an armored "man," and having feelings about that and/or skillfully taking advantage of it. - Qi'ra is very well-trained in combat herself - if they were both unarmored, how would a physical fight between the two of them go?

[tieflng]

chocobox 2021 letter (wip) under the cut! hello gifter who is probably one of the five people i know in the pyre fandom

general likes: worldbuilding, canon or headcanon-rich fic, surrealism, intricate explorations of place or character or relationships, atmosphere, explicitly lgbt characters, neurodivergence/autism and gender headcanons, adventure, friend shenanigans, strange or unusual aus (give me a good noir detective au, etc), philosophical or moral dilemmas or conversations, slow burns, eldritch or unexplained aspects of canon, unreliable narrators, nonhuman traits of nonhuman characters, working in background characters/large ensemble casts, small intimate moments, courage in the face of insurmountable odds, fic with an intended soundtrack, anything rich and vibrant and full of heart.

as far as nsfw goes: please don’t write me nsfw if you’re under eighteen! assuming you’re over, i’m really here for the tenderness-- not into hardcore or degrading kink, but okay with lighter stuff. my main concern is that everyone is onboard with everything, nothing is unsanitary, and nobody is being hurt or degraded. very much into the before and after-- cuddling, aftercare, discussing boundaries, awkward dorks trying for a smooth seduction, etc.

DNWs: detailed hand/eye trauma, unsanitary mentions or descriptions, detailed descriptions of spiders or insects, mentions/references to coronavirus (fictional plagues/diseases are fine), fantasy OR historical/irl homophobia or transphobia, requested characters in m/w relationships. for pyre, khaylmer rope-caller as a mustache twirling villain/without nuance, for hades, zag/meg or zag/than, olympians in relationships with cthonic deities, hades as a sympathetic character of any kind. for ace attorney, manfred von karma as a sympathetic character of any kind.

for nsfw DNWs:  dubcon/noncon including under the influence, infidelity, humiliation/physical pain of any kind.

pyre:

gol & khaylmer / khaylmer & soliam / gol & khaylmer & soliam: i Very much picture this dynamic as shoulder devil vs shoulder angel, gol and kahylmer bickering about politics over the head of a disinterested/totally out of it soliam, gol and khaylmer spy-versus-spy bullshit maneuvering around each other (usually khaylmer trying to get gol assassinated/otherwise killed, let’s be real). and then soliam is like ah, my most trusted servants :) who both undoubtedly get along :) while the palace staff is setting gol & khaylmer’s dinner places without knives so they don’t spring across the table and stab each other. the interesting thing here is that a) soliam really does care for them both, inasmuch as he’s capable of caring for anyone topside (khaylmer as an uncle/surrogate parent/stable mentor figure, gol as.......okay a Lot of romantic tension and a lot of disregarding his feelings but Some level of interpersonal fascination), and also b) gol and khaylmer, pre-gol’s character development, are more similar than either of them would like to believe. they’ve both definitely got cold, calculating, do-anything-for-the-empire sides, and also their own irrational hangups and quirks. i’m DYING to know what the sahrian imperial court was like, btw!! write something about the sahrian imperial court!!

khaylmer & the tattered mantle: janna compared this to a mutually toxic relationship, both of them being hurt and hurting the other and making each other just worst. i have my own ideas about what the mantle is and how it was formed but i would love to see yours, see an exploration of how it was corrupted and what happened to it as it became the imp-titan. and maybe also khaylmer’s corruption, too? was he once Less of an absolute awful human being? surely at some point, right? i’d very much like to see a deep-dive into khaylmer’s psyche and also the mantle treated as its own character. also if you could sneak in the isle of khaylmer and the imps....something about the two of them overlooking that rites venue forevermore?

ha’ub & gol: let them be friends!! let them be goofy bastard friends!! let them fight titans and exchange cultures (imps clearly have culture) and bond over trauma and pull soliam out of danger! i think the scribes were all Readers, and ha’ub’s Reader-ness/his Accursedness manifested as him being an intelligent imp-- unable to fully connect with the others of his kind on a 100% level, and the loneliness that must have involved. and then along come some strange Big Friends that he can get some of what he’s been missing from. and gol downside is like well this all might as well fucking happen i guess and then finds a strange and unexpected little ally with a big ol’ heart. it’d be cool to see them do battle with howlers or titans or sisters of the arch, or conversely to cuddle up in gol’s bedroll against the cold and gossip in imp so other people can’t understand them. also if gol/soliam (please gol/soliam) ha’ub absolutely thinks they’re already dating/pair-bonded/imp married and there’s a lot of skree-hee-hee!! (just kiss him!!!) going on.

gol & chae: please call the vagabond girl chae!  i loved her basically at the moment i saw her and her arc means a lot to me. she’s autistic coded but her belief in the scribes– in actually hearing and speaking to the scribes– is never undercut by the narrative. and she’s immensely strong! she’s survived in the downside by herself from 17-19! and imo at least the scribe known for being strong and resilient and untiring, not to mention idealistic and loyal, would admire the absolute fuck out of her. i’d like her childhood as moontouched/homeless and displaced, her topside ending as a religious leader and inspiration in the sahrian union, wandering alone in the downside, her role with the nightwings– i just really want to see what conversations these two would get up to, i want them to learn from each other, i want chae to have support and encouragement and comfort from everyone’s favorite nomad scribe. what does she ask him? what does he tell her? passing messages from ti’zo or the heralds? looking for advice/help on behalf of the nightwings, or just comfort when she’s feeling out of place? god, the fact that she’s in the companion class that parallels khaylmer– do they talk about that, or how does gol feel? there are so many damn good interactions here. please don’t infantilize her or portray her beliefs and reactions as nonsensical or weird.

gol/soliam: Please Write Me Gol/Soliam And I Will Love You Forever. their topside will-they-or-won’t-they, extreme chemistry/tension there but always not quite seeing eye to eye/soliam just being a scumbag person who doesn’t really care, courtly love flavored by a nasty entitlement/disillusion combo. their downside will-they-or-won’t-they, a sloooooowww rebuilding of trust on gol’s side, going from ‘i jumped over the edge of the world to kill this asshole’ to, eventually, ‘maybe he deserves my love and affection after all’. and then soliam of course has loved him this whole time, since being saved from the sisters, the drama......!! the wonders of unrequited mutual pining. nsfw wise i just very much think soliam’s a bottom/sub, okay, don’t @/me, and i want to see him take care of gol and gol take care of him-- they’re just soft idiots who found each other in the downside. or maybe they’re horny idiots at the imperial court, it’s up to you.

hades:

asterius/hypnos

asterius/shade

asterius & persephone

asterius & ariadne: siblings!! siblings!! let them love each other and feel bad about what happened/glad that they’re both doing okay now! getting theseus or dio in on this would also be great-- what do you mean you’re best friends with (dating?) my shitty ex now??

tisiphone & zagreus

ace attorney: 

i’ve literally only played the first two games so maybe go easy on spoilers. honestly don’t have too much to say here, just would like legal shenanigans/pining dumbasses if applicable. gay lawyers/two gay lawyers and a detective, or steel samurai fans bonding over a shared love of the franchise (and another dumbass lawyer), or siblings in an absolutely awful house leaning on each other to get through......go ham!

[insanetwocubes]

Binary transpeople who are singlets. Have a weird experience imo. So here's the thing. On one side, people advocate for gender fluidity. Gender is this concept that arises from human interaction. When human interaction changes, ideas of gender change. When ideas of gender change and your identity doesn't, then your label changes. However, gender fluidity inherently assumes that ideas of gender are stagnant and instead, the identity changes, even when the definitions of labels stay the same.

So this is all leading up to-- well for lack of a better explanation, my gender experience. So in my personal experience, none of these things were consistent in my life. Let's start with the easy stuff. When I first developed (got separated from the original, however you want to call it) my human interactions changed. I was basically removed from all personal connections. My view of other humans became fundamentally as an entity other than a human.

As my separate existence went on, ideas of gender became redefined. Gender was not synonymous with the primary genitalia anymore, which I don't explicitly have anyway. Gender became less about the body (Flare didn't experience the body as being contradictory to her identity) and more of a set of expectations and roles in relations to other humans.

I didn't really identify with the role of a girl. But it almost never came up, because mindspeak is a fluidly-gendered language. Something you do or want can be more feminine coded or more masculine coded but a person was not gendered as a whole. Pronouns are not gendered in mindspeak. Nor are names.

Then me and Flare started experimenting with switching. Most of the time, pronouns weren't used to refer to me while I was present. And since I've been primarily speaking in mindspeak for over half a decade, pronouns weren't at the forefront of my mind as a key difference. And then someone referred to me as "she" and I got flashbacks to all those times we were demeaned by our abusers.

I became angry, but I thought I was just being triggered. And then the humans started calling me a girl in lyke all these implicit ways. You must do this because you're a girl, you're a bright girl, I never met a girl who... and so on. And every time it was said I thought of Three. We don't talk about Three because I hate her. Three was the most epitomic example of a traditional idea of a girl: meek, soft-spoken, scared, weak, delicate, small, uncontroversial. I hated Three! She represented everything I don't want to be!

So then I got mad when people referred to me as a girl. I am not a human, I do not want this traditional human idea of being a girl. I hate every single thing about Three. I am insulted that anyone would even imply me and Three would have anything in common. So I realized I'm not a girl and this anger is rooted in more than just flashbacks. And I began exploring my gender.

So in my life I have had no consistency in any aspects that I mentioned. My identity was originally a completely different person that I separated from and no longer identified as. My ideas of gender were affected by people who would completely fit inside the binary. My human interaction changed drastically.

Oh and one thing I didn't mention. We have a neurodivergent brain. So experiences of gender in nuerotypicals, may or may not reflect the experiences of gender in neurodivergent people. So it could very well be that the distictions between the differences simply don't exist yet. So me being nonbinary could just be a poor translation of an nuerodiverse label that hasn't been specified yet.

So now back to binary transpeople. Most binary transpeople that I have listened to say a phrase something along the lines of "my identity hasn't changed. I always felt like my gender." And I find that so impossible to connect with. I had no idea if my gender will be the same if we never became a system. I don't know if I would be okay with she/her pronouns if our abusers didn't talk down about us like that. I don't know if I would still identify as nonbinary if Three didn't exist. Or if we lived in a society with more freedom of gender expression. Or if we were neurotypical. I can't know any of these things.

The original person we were identified as a tomboy. She was still a girl. Was fine with she her pronouns. Liked girly things and boyish things. I don't share the same identity now. Would I have if we never separated? Who knows.

I didn't "always feel like my gender." My ideas of gender changed, people who I interacted with changed, my experiences of abuse changed, my diversity of interaction changed, my body changed, and my access to personality aspects changed.

I don't think the concept of gender fluidity takes the existence of systems into account or how it handles that. I think the existence of fluidity or a lack thereof is inconsequential to a transperson's identity. Neither adds credibility nor takes it away.

And I realize in reality, having a consistency in gender does make cis people give you more credit. Cis hetero normies can't account for something as complicated as change.

But I don't think consistency should matter all.

A transwoman that decided come out and transition in her 30's who has had a consistent gender identity her whole life and a transwoman that decided to come out and transition in her 30's who has had an inconsistent gender identity throughout her life, both are still equally important transwomen experiences. They are important experiences to the trans community.

I know the trans community is very very touchy about talking about the insignificant amount of people who take hrt and regret it. But you know the perfect type of person to solve that very problem? It's those people who have experienced gender inconsistency. They can more closely identify the different life aspects that affect their idea of gender and their identity. They're not your hinderence. They're your greatest asset.

~Four