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#this got away from me again lmao sorry
kazhan-draws · 2 years
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Hello, can I ask for 6 and 39 for either Bobadin or Mungrove for the otp relationship game?
Hiiiiii 😁👀🥰Thanks for the ask, I'm going to do both, because I obviously can't miss the opportunity to talk about Mungrove and Bobadin.
I'll go with Mungrove first and put the Bobadins in another post 😋
the questions if anyone wants to ask me more about ST ships
6. When did they realize they loved each other?  
Eddie realized he was in love with Billy after making him laugh with a stupid joke. It’s a mix of Eddie loving entertaining and getting the exact reaction he wanted out of Billy, knowing he can make Billy look and sound like that when few people can, how beautiful he thinks Billy is when he’s genuinely smiling and laughing, and how he kinda wants to do this forever. 
Billy realized he was in love with Eddie while Eddie was in the middle of ranting about something nerdy, getting all fired up and gesticulating dramatically about something Billy doesn’t give a shit about, but he’s still listening carefully because he loves watching Eddie move around, listening to him run his mouth non-stop, how passionate he gets about the things he loves, and those are all things that tend to annoy the shit out of Billy with anyone else, so maybe the explanation is simply that he’s in love with the guy.
More under the cut because I have Can't Shut Up About Those Two disease.
I like to think that Eddie’s the first one who realized he was in love with Billy, whether they’re together or not at the time, so he’s a few steps ahead when it comes to accepting it and working up the courage to say it. 
I also feel like he just Knows Billy loves him back, at some point. Obviously Billy doesn’t say anything, but it’s in the way he touches and looks at Eddie, it’s the small things he does for him, it’s the fact that Billy wouldn’t do a lot of things including allowing himself to be in a relationship with a man if he wasn’t head over heels for Eddie. 
I don’t think there’s a “oh” moment for Eddie where he realizes Billy loves him, it’s gradual, a steady thing he knows deep inside. 
As for when Billy realizes Eddie is in love with him… Well, Eddie has the tendency to say out loud whatever goes through his head when he’s getting a bit emotional or a lot into something, so. I think he’s very likely to just drop the L word out of nowhere. Like maybe they’re just chilling in Eddie’s bedroom and the light coming through the window hits Billy’s face just right and he’s all frowny and bitching about something but Eddie isn’t listening because he’s busy staring at the freckles on Billy’s face so he just. Says it.
Basically…
Billy: I need to take a loud shit, put some music on Eddie: I’m like, so in love with you
Or something like that. So that’s when Billy *truly* realizes his idiot boyfriend loves him too, because he had a feeling, you know, Eddie kinda shows him every day, but hearing it is what truly cements it, even if Eddie really has the worst timing—then again, a very ill-timed love confession is just so Eddie, Billy can’t really be too mad about it. 
39. What other couple would your otp get along with the best?
If we’re going with canon couples… I think Max and Lucas, eventually, but that’s only because there are no other canon couples they’d have any reason to spend time with, much less get along with. 
Like, I’m sorry, but I don’t see Eddie or Billy ever getting along with Nancy, so that’s a no for Nancy/Jonathan. I don’t think Eddie is a big fan of Mike, and Billy would definitely have a soft spot for El, but “she needs to dump the Wheeler Rat”. Eddie definitely adores Dustin, but Billy can only stand very, very small doses before he wants to strangle the kid, and with Suzie in Utah… anyway they definitely wouldn’t get along with her either.
It’s not like we have other canon couples close to their age, because Robin and whatshername—Vickie aren’t really a thing yet (and also 🙄) and even if they were, I just don’t see it.
So, yeah, Max and Lucas, it’s just in the sake of maintaining peace at first, but I’d like to think it could become a lot more genuine through the years.
Now fanon couple, there’s only one I see them really getting along with and that’s Jonathan and Argyle. Argyle is chill and funny, he’s a calming presence for Billy, he’s just effortlessly kind and accepting and very good at defusing a situation, so it’s basically impossible to get mad at the guy, even when Billy is in A Mood. It’s kind of dangerous to leave Argyle and Eddie alone though, because they always seem to have the best (worst) ideas together. 
It’s also very dangerous to let Eddie and Jonathan talk music, because they will argue constantly. Jonathan is a pretty chill dude until you start shit with the people he loves or put him in the same room with Eddie Munson. It’s friendly and teasing at first, and then there’s yelling and it’s time for Billy and Argyle to intervene before it gets ugly.
Billy likes Jonathan, because the guy doesn’t look like much, but there is a fire inside him. It’s hard to get him angry but he can be a total bitch and it amuses Billy a lot. Also they don’t talk about it, but hey, team shitty dads! 
Anyway, yeah, I think the four of them would be very fun to put in a room together and study. 
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lokh · 4 months
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Im gonna need your like, whole musical rec list, bc literally every song you have posted has not flopped once, give me your faves i need to eat them
OUGHHH YOUVE UNLOCKED THE BEAST ARGSHHFHJDF....
in the interest of making this both easily accessible but not stretching the dashboard, im embedding bandcamp links when i can, otherwise linking to youtube when unavailable
in no particular order, inclusion based mostly on what im still actively into LMAO but also just things you should give a go at least once:
list of artist recommendations
zeal and ardor: described as a mix of african-american spirituals and black metal. try devil is fine, you aint coming back, wake of a nation or church burns
bloodywood: indian folk metal, literally nobody is doing it like them. recently featured in monkey man (2024), try chakh le, yaad or dana dan
stromae: if youve never heard any of his songs WHAT ARE YOU DOING..... incredible lyricist, described as a blend of hip hop/electronic. papaoutai made the rounds on tumblr a while back, but you should also try santé and l'enfer
alamat: pinoy pop. a youtube commenter described them as sounding like 2nd gen kpop which probably also explains why i took a shine to them LMAO, notable for the amount of filipino culture on display and the diversity thereof (singing in different languages, themes). first heard them thru kasmala either here or on twitter lmao, try aswang or maharani
andy bull: alt-pop. a lot of poppy and upbeat songs with a melancholic undertone imo. an australian artist, try it's all connected or keep on running
cosmo sheldrake: electronic, wikipedia also lists him as folktronica and baroque pop. you may have heard the song come along on an apple ad - hes known for sampling sounds from nature. pliocene for example features sounds from endangered ecosystems.
if you like cosmo sheldrake, you might like hidden orchestra (electronica, ambient). also making use of field recordings, i really love the archipelago mixtape but its a hard sell at about an hour lmao. if you like the following song then i implore you to give it a go
son lux: experimental, you may have heard from them in the entire soundtrack for everything everywhere all at once (!!!!!). try dangerous, dream state (brighter night) or live another life.
ammar 808: electronic/world fusion, also behind bargou 08 (folk rock you should also listen to). i just cant get ain essouda out of my head, but i also love geeta duniki
miyavi: j-rock, used to be a visual kei artist. these days he might be known more for anime openings like flashback (kokkoku) or other side (id:invaded), or for work like snakes in arcane (or actually inspiring and voicing a character in it), but ive always been partial to his early work like sukkyanen myv or ashita, genki ni naare
songs/albums
'threads' album by now, now (indie rock).
'dream to make believe' or 'what to do when you are dead' by armor for sleep (rock, emo). here's the truth about heaven from the latter album
i already posted about it but denzel curry's 13lood 1n + 13lood out mixx (rap, trap) is extremely good
the guilty gear soundtracks and im so serious im not fucking joking. different kinds of rock and metal and all sorts of influences put in, a genuine labor of love. xrd and earlier games are mainly instrumental with some vocal tracks (try give me a break or big blast sonic), while strive pretty much always includes vocals (of course i need to rec rock parade, but also try requiem. its genuinely hard for me to pick and choose lmao)
not an album and not an artist
coke studio pakistan and coke studio bangla knocking it out of the fucking park, im particularly a fan of harkalay and kotha koiyo na. you could try the other coke studios too (tamil, india, etc)
triple j like a version is when the radio station triple j brings in artists and has them do a cover of a song (artists choice). i liked denzel curry's cover of bulls on parade and flume's shooting stars (video for this one is incredible, man had a vision you just have to stick it out), but you get a lot of interesting interpretations like the wombats' running up that hill, gordi's in the end or, infamously. the wiggles' elephant
ive DEFINITELY missed out some, but thats what my music tag is for LMAO i hope someone discovers something they like here!!!!
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cepheusgalaxy · 4 months
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Oh you're Brazilian, correct? *saw ur bio*
I was wondering if there's anything I should or shouldnt do when making a Brazilian OC.
Oh hi!
First of all, thank you for the ask :) I'm very happy you decided to make a brazilian oc, whatever is the reason (if any at all lol) 👍 Keep up the good work.
Now, generally, what you should avoid are the most common stereotypes assossiated with latin people in general (like the Latino Lover stereotype), and some specifically assossiated with us a lot:
The Soccer Player ("every brazilian [black] guy obv plays soccer"), the Samba Dancer ("every brazilian black girl dances samba"), the Sexy Brazilian (everybody has their preferences ig but try to step away from fetishization--also falls into the latino lover a little) and the Carnival Party Person ("brazil is a very big carnival party all of the time") are some examples of stuff you should avoid.
Some things I would advise you to consider aside from this are A. Their race, B. The area they're from and C. Cultural differences (I'm gonna list them in a bit).
I mention race here because a very common thing in Brazil, actually (at least if you don't consider the South/South East) is the miscigenation phenomena. Long story short, some centuries ago, the colonizers had an... "idea" of toning down the population of black people in the country, so interracial relationships were very incentivated to "breed" lighter skinned black people. Results: On this day, most brazilian people in the Northern areas are not 100% black, but very very mixed (like me). A lot of people have dark skin, though.
Now, the area where they are from would also play a big factor in the things you want to consider, because Brazil is big, so we generally divide it into five areas (this division was made in 1969 i think, by the IBGE--the brazilian institute of geography and statistics): The North, North East, Central West, South East and South. If you search for a map with this categorization you'll be able to see it.
Culturally, these areas are very different, but I'll go through them briefly here.
North - most of the indigenous folk are concentrated here (for many historical reasons) and here is also the Amazonic forest (a bit of it is in other countries' territorries but I don't remember exactly which). The demographic density (which is the amount of people per say, mile) is very sparse, and despiste it being the largest area out of the five it isn't the most populated. Indigenous cultural heritage is the strongest here.
Nort East - warmest area in the country. The majority of people here are black or brown (for a lot of other historical reasons i unfortunately can't go on about here but they are very interesting if you wanna search up) and African cultural heritage is the strongest here.
Central West - has a very little amount of states here, and also the Federal District--aka the capital, Brazilia (fun fact: Brazilia isn't localized in any state, like the capital used to be, it is separated, so that's why we say Brazil has 26 states + one federal district). I don't know a lot about this one, so I'm gonna rely on Google a little, but basically:
That's the only area that is not bathed by the Atlantic, so no sea here at all, and back in Colonization Days, it was a very explored area for mineration (one of the states here, Minas Gerais, was named because of that, fun fact). Most of the population here is white (50,5%) and brown [mixed race] (43%) source (wikipedia page for the Central West in portuguese).
South East - as we go down here, the areas start getting cooler and whiter. The biggest cities of the country are here: São Paulo and Rio de Janeiro. White population, as I said before, is strongly concentrated here, because Back In Colonization Days, a lot of europeans (mainly italians and germans i think, although i might be wrong on this one) migrated to there and the South because the climate is more like in Europe than in the northern areas. This is probably what most people think when they say 'Brazil' (that or the amazonic forest, ofc), because media wise, it covers mostly carioca Carnival (Carnival from Rio de Janeiro) or the super urban city of São Paulo. Fun fact: One of the Seven World Wonders, the Christ The Redeemer statue is located there, in the RJ.
South - smallest area in the country. There are literally just three states here. It's also the coolest area out of the five, and there is even snow here! The European heritage is very strong here, also because of the migration from a few centuries ago.
If you want more insight on a certain specific area for your character, I'd be very happy to help! :) I myself am from the North East, so I have the most information about that, tho.
Now about the cultural differences in general.
A few important things that really differ are:
The culinary (depends of the area, though: up north it will have more african and indigenous dishes, down south there will be more european dishes and stuff)
The climate (if your character is from the northern areas, they will have a hard time adapting to any cool areas they might be in now--in the North East we're used to an average 25º C, or 70º F, for example, so if things go cooler they're gonna want to be very warm)
The measurements (celsius degreees vs farhenheit, miles vs kilometers, centimenters vs feet and inches, etc.)
The calendar: In the South Hemisphere, unlike in the North Hemisphere, summer is on the last and first months of the year and winter is in the middle. Basically, the seasons are inverted up there in relation to here
The school year also works a bit differenly, for that matter: Janurary and the first week of February are summer vacations, and then the year starts. A few weeks later, we have a few more weeks off for Carnival, so no school then too, and *then* you could say the year actually starts. In June (winter), we have a 10-day break for São João festivities (at least in the North East because São João is a cultural "festival"--if that's the right word), and then summer break starts around the end of November or the end or December, depending on the exact school.
Oh yeah, and one more big difference your character might find strange assuming they're in the US or a similar country now: In Brazil we have a thing called SUS - the Unique Health System (Sistema Único de Saúde), which is a free health service for everybody, funded by taxes. I heard that in the US all medical care is private, so I wanted to highlight that in Brazil we have free public healthcare and then also the private hospitals, so that could cause some cultural chock, lol
Same thing for college: There are a lot of public universities. There are actually many differences between usamerican and brazilian education system, but the main ones are that.
If you have any further asks, feel free to send them, I'd love to go deeper into one single thing if you want it. Good luck with your oc <2
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crystalkitty1220 · 4 months
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
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#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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hivepixels · 3 months
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#i wrote the arsl essay really emotionally if it's illogical i'm very sorry it's just my impression T0TTTTT.........#mumblings#EVEN THE SOLLUX ONE IS CRINGE TO ME I CANT LOOK AT IT ANYMORE i'm just glad people who've gotten something out of it can feel#more reassured in their enjoyment of these characters bcs theyre awesome & i like when people think abt them esp in relation to each other#i was so 👀!!! by how sollux detected his relevancy was reduced compared to the rest of the meteor crew and chose to step away with aradia#and since her arc was pretty much finished around the same time as his i rlly love how they complete their jobs then go off have fun#(well sollux is extra funny bcs he doesnt WANT to be a Main Character but mf can't resist adding his two cents backseat commentary LOL)#anw.. idk if ive ever mentioned but i dont care for pale arsl whatsoever skjskj highkey resent the popularity of that depiction but i don't#have grounds to complain since it gives people a reason to keep including aradia with sollux somehow#once again coming from a dvkt background i often saw aradia and sollux entering as a pair so it was wild to switch to slkt and#find out a lot of sollux shippers don't like aradia as much. or at all#<- was scrolling old posts and saw that people have been discussing this same exact thing years ago LMAO the cycle repeats itself#i think sollux should 🥺👉👈 for aradia forever its funnier to think he likes her so much and she's just. occupied by more important things#ANYTHING SHE NEEDS HE WILL COME.... SHE JUST HAS TO ASK. BUT WHAT CAN SHE POSSIBLY ASK FOR WHEN SHE'S ALREADY SO CAPABLE....... HSJAHAA#back when she approached him for tech and research assistance he could feel useful but now. he's huddled in the corner sad puppy#its so ;;; when ppl make him super relieved to see aradia like WAAGHHHHHH SHE'S HERE... SHE'S HERE FOR HIM!!!!!!!!!#sollux wanting to be more important to aradia is a thought i revisit a lot he just wants to know if there's anything there#but he can't pick Just One Thing and regardless of the outcome good or bad he'll always regret screwing it up#in reality its not his fault lol just like karkat dude's got the self-sabotage instinct for things no one holds him against for so. yeh#STILL don't take my opinions as truth gospel alright i'm a fangirl not a meta writer!!!!!!!!!
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deepseawave · 2 months
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️
Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
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#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone#but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻‍♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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hirazuki · 3 months
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Okay, see, the thing about your story ending on a negative/dystopian/'despite everything that's happened nothing has changed in society' note and doing so successfully? It needs to have been set up for that in the first place, and it needs to be done in an intentional manner.
I have nothing against works that reinforce how cruel/meaningless/pointless/etc. the world is -- I enjoy a fair few! -- but the works themselves need to be some sort of commentary about it; the plot might be demonstrative of the futility of everything, but the story never should. It should take that and build on it and use it to make a statement, underscore a point, etc. to its readers. Having everything carry on business-as-usual without acknowledging it, especially in a genre that's generally meant to conclude on optimistic, uplifting, and hopeful notes, comes off as callous and in direct opposition with the values it extols.
Plus, the story itself should never be futile because, then, well, it never mattered as a work and it makes no difference if you've read it or not. Which... that's just a badly written story lmao.
#i can't believe i'm posting about this topic again on our dear hellsite tungle.com lmao#huge deja vu vibes what year is it????#2018/2019??#(i think that's when the shock value/genre hopping/genre inconsistency hit its peak across multiple series)#i don't even go here anymore omfg#man. i didn't think i'd get this upset#that's what i get for going to look#i should know better by now. really. there's no excuse.#y'all my curiosity one day will kill me.#but like. i'm not upset as in 'i'm so angry i will fight everything'#that was past me#we've blown right past that and gone straight to the 'vaguely ill and sick to my stomach' stage#character development XDD#but like sorry not sorry explain away all you want about *gestures to all the other stuff*#but how the fuck do you explain having the visual emotional and narrative focal point of that family in its concluding panels#be the person who caused this shit???? why is he the one getting closure????#pretty sure i don't have the entire context surrounding my other lad who got pulvarized#(i saw a few comments about something something of//a would help with the end of the world that's coming and instead was used to murder him#that i don't quite grasp because i literally just skimmed the most recent chapters out of curiosity due to things i saw on my dash)#BUT i am making the executive decision to stop here#this rabbit hole's deep enough and i've gone wayyy further than i should have already#gonna cook some dinner; pick up sis from work; and enjoy my summer evening on my balcony#GAH#withoutwords
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tardis--dreams · 1 month
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I actually realized i hate work. Won't be putting any effort into this anymore ♡
#sure whatever#it's funny because when i applied there i really really wanted this job#and it had nothing to do with that one person i got a little overly attached to#and when i started working there it was fine but i think really the only reason i liked it was because of that colleague#and now he's gone there's only annoying things left#also maybe i got too cuddled by him because he's always had my back until now#but i have to try to get things from the design team now and they just straight up ignore me lmao#like. my colleague asked me last week if i could ask them to edit some images which i did and they ignored me for 2 days#then HE sent them a follow up message and surprise surprise the images were there within 30 minutes#now again. he asked me to request some images and then built them into the journal#i request them. i hear nothing back. i send a follow up saying it's kinda important. i get nothing#oh well sorry man. guess you'll have to do that yourself after all (:#(i think it's really nice he's trying to give me so much more responsibility and all but if he's not there to back me up#it's literally not working because Everyone Is Ignoring Me :)))#also two weeks from now I'll be alone in our office because my other colleague who's in the same office as us#has announced she's gonna go share the office with someone else because she's gonna be alone otherwise#lol thanks#also some other shit someone posted in the group chat today which really pissed me off#AND the fact i got ignored AGAIN when i asked for work :) like bitches. i literally just watched netflix on my private laptop#while wiggling the mouse on my work laptop until i got off lmao#i won't go to the office tomorrow either#i was gonna go but i can't do shit there if i get ignored again#at least at home i can do whatever i want when they decide i should just get money for wasting my time ♡#i might actually just not work tomorrow#I'll probably log in just to see if there's any updates on the images situation but if not I'll fuck right off#fun times#(also maybe just maybe I'm generally a little negative these days. that may play into it. I'm sensing that sweet summertime blues ♡#((who cares if it's because of my father's death or because of my colleague's going away or because of general existential despair due to#university.... i'm just annoyed) )#void screams
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pondscummy · 5 months
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the "also sick" comment isn't like "btw I'm SICK, how dare you not know" it's me saying I'm sick like how 2/3 of my roommates are
but like I'm so;;;; it feels so rich that L is like wtf do you want from me about me not replying for 45 minutes when I had to beg his gf over hours and hours of texts every so often to not force me to sit in unwiped shit after my surgery bc she had openly told me she just didn't rly feel like setting up the attachable bidet after telling me for weeks she would, and I never ever got a reply from her or L ever acknowledging that they were wide awake hanging out and laughing while I was like stuck in bed barely able to move begging for follow through on a commitment they made in advance and i eventually had to spend over $100 to hire someone to come out the next day and do it for me and I had to hold my shit for hours lmfao
like L is sooooo great at couching things in flawless tumblr wellness speak but only to talk about how valid they are for not showing up for you and how fucked up it is that you MIGHT ever have a moment where you can't be 100% there w them. like idk what to tell you I've been laying in bed with a sore throat and cough and fever passing out and waking up to roll over in buckets of sweat like the rest of the house. I do genuinely get being annoyed by a lack of response but it's also right back to this whole thing about Always assuming I'm mad at them which is legit one of the only things that actually makes me mad fjdkddhk like bro I do not THINK about you when you're not acting like I'm a bomb about to blow (also, as an aside -- we all take turns buying TP and it's usually me who does it like it's not out of pocket for me to say hey you are the One person who is out of the house already rn, can you get this on your way bc None of the bathrooms have back up rolls and one is totally out and I had to text our sickest roommate telling her to use the bidet and drip dry like.... "am I the first person you asked" yes bc you are the person who makes the most sense dumbfuck. I'm not being "overly needy" toward you or whatever jfc)
they literally told me at one point that the reason they're so scared of me is that my face is "triggering" for them when I'm angry or not feeling good and puts them "back in a really bad place" they have seen my face angry literally 3 times and each time it was on my way back to my room to decompress and each time I said nothing to them other than that I was in a bad mood and I was going to go to my room. I didn't yell either I just said it normal. like I genuinely feel gaslit here like I'm this horrifying monster of a man when it's like dude sometimes people are mad I don't know what YOU want from ME!! I do all my venting here where they can't ever see it even tho we've blocked each other, I censor their name like anyone even knows who they are, I isolate to chill out and it's literally been less than a handful of times like should I fling myself from the roof??????? would that fix it???
I literally know it's bc I'm a man too. none of this was like this until my facial hair came in more and it got crazy worse after I got top surgery and they're so so vocal about how much they despise men and think men should all fuck off and die and there's only a handful of acceptable men that they've personally vetted. despite them pretty clearly having a trans woman fetish bc they only date or look at porn of trans women and they do the whole step on me mommy thing about it even tho their gf has complained like. lmfao you're just a baby te//rf even tho you ID as trans masc yourself. like that's all this even is. I'm a big (5'3") scary (spent the whole weekend w my coworkers asking if I was 12) man who's obviously going to snap and kill you all bc sometimes I *checks writing on hand* get frustrated and go lay down about it
#pond.txt#and again i'm not EVEN mad rn (well. obviously i am *now*) i was SLEEPING like fhekdjdkddjl bro let me live i'm SORRY#should i whip myself should i kiss your feet my lord and savior jc. should i fall upon my sword for you.#is my t dick too big and scary to live together does it cast shadows in the hallways that frighten you HDKSDHKDDHDK#all the time i wish wish wish there was some way for me to move out early without me fucking myself financially#but i'd be on the hook for $11.400 and i do NOT have that to drop dhskddhhfj and i would need to pay that PLUS buy a car#it was so night and day the difference in my mood when i was on my work trip tho. even when i had moments of like feeling down on that trip#it was so fleeting and so like. well I'll do what i need to so i can care for myself#whether that was staying in my room and getting some sleep or rallying and being like hey @ self you're making shit up about no one liking#with no proof so let's get back downstairs and hang out w someone new and prove ourselves wrong.#life felt so bright and happy and it was so easy to talk to strangers and laugh and just let loose and like myself#even on a 13 hr travel day i was like taking notes on mental health things in my journal and reflecting and feeling so positive about makin#changes like not letting excuses stop me from going out and living my life even in this interim period between moves#and then i got back home and was like oh right. this place that makes me miserable with people who openly dislike me. great lmao#my plan is still to try to not let myself get in my own way of living life bc if i can get out & meet people it'll keep me away from here.#ANYWAY!!! *eats cough drops like candy*
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niuxita21 · 2 years
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When you’re so committed to the bit that you don’t stop holding hands even when focusing on a completely unrelated problem A++ for effort ladies
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Sometimes I think I must consume media wrong because I don't remember The Lottery by Shirley Jackson fucking me up
Like sure I read it and was like 'wait hang on, what- oh dear.' but I didn't have the 'Dude That Was So Fucked Up I Am Fundamentally Changed As A Person' experience everyone else apparently had
And that ain't a flex btw this ain't a "oh I can read the most fucked up stuff and feel NOTHING" kinda bullshit I just. Wasn't that deeply affected lmao
#but also i got a B in English Literature A Level so I must be doing somethin right lmao#smol speaks#im trying to think why it didnt really mess with me. it wasnt a 'shocking twist' it's Where The Story Went to me#then again i dont remember many specifics from when i was younger. hell i barely remember the last week. i do know we read it though#i dont remember what conclusions i reached or what we even discussed. however i CAN think of a story that did affect me as a kid:#Lola Rose by Jacqueline Wilson. I read it in primary school and have reread it multiple times. i felt such a connection with Lola Rose#she was so similar to me even though we also had differences (her fear and hatred of sharks vs my love of them) (though her fear made sense#i dont think ive ever empathized with a character so much. and that book introduced me to the concept of abusive parents i think.#the idea of a parent who didnt simply love you but sometimes went about it wrong or made mistakes. but one who *actively* hurt their family#rereading that book again as an adult is heartbreaking ESPECIALLY the 'Voice of Doom' sections which *holy fuck i relate to*. there's such#dread and fear in that book but luckily there is hope and joy!! but God above the shit that girl deals with. anyway maybe reading a story#about a weird festival that ends with a stoning doesnt hit as hard when youve read about a girl seeing the bruises on her mother's chest#in the bath and having to tell her 5 year old brother they ran away from Dad because he hurt Mum and his response is 'but she deserves it'#abuse mention#better tag that huh. yeah sorry i put half the post in the tags again GOD i should make an actual Lola Rose post
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fefairys · 1 year
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ramble about anxieties with psy that got longer than i inteded so its going under the break
my sibling pointed out that we should be careful with melody's character at the risk of falling into stereotypes of black and trans women being seen as annoying/loud/too much but like she is just such a Real Person to me that if we toned her down to try and avoid those stereotypes it would feel Wrong to me? like to me she is not a stereotype she is just a person who is having fun. and the thing is everyone adores her for it, no one except psy thinks she is annoying or Too Much, they love her. but like that is such a major concern to me that i was sure we were gonna get hate mail the second her chapter dropped (so so thankful that everyone seems to love her as much as we do and that that did not happen lol) and now that someone actually pointed it out (my fucking SIBLING no less) i am so anxious about it all over again when i had previously gotten over it and decided 'no, she's not a stereotype, she's a human with many multitudes!'
toning her down and making her "nicer" or whatever seems like. worse. it's just this loop of like. okay but we wrote her that way and we didnt have to. but shes such a real person in our heads. but shes NOT a real person shes a fictional character and we can write her however we want. idk i dont think it is an issue like i think she is good. i think you just gotta see that shes a very complex individual, as are all of the characters in psy. it would be even worse to make her Perfect and Nice and Never Does Anything Wrong to avoid making a black trans woman look bad on screen. like shes not perfect despite everyone she knows seeing her that way. and her seeing herself that way as a coping tool i have said too much
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scarletcomet · 2 years
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i am so normal and not mentally ill at all
#ok so im sorry to ppl who see this post before i delete it later but#i really want to sh and the only reason im like holding back is because scars#i have too many already and even if i tell myself i'll only do a little bit in an area that's easy to keep hidden i know that it's like#an addication and it's so hard to stop once you start and then the next thing you know you're out of space#the 2nd reason is because i don't want to break my 62 day streak on the calm harm app#i'm really out here having the same feelings about my days clean from sh as i do about my snapchat streaks or duolingo streaks huh#lmao#i'm really fucked up huh#i just need a few cuts but i know a few turns into 10 which turns into 50 and so on and then the same thing the next day#i know what relapses are like for me. 6 years of this shit now#maybe i should have thrown away all those blades back in september when i got clean again after a really bad relapse#i know exactly where they are hidden in the back of the drawer of my bedside table#i didn't throw them away because i wanted to have them 'just in case'#i guess having them there makes me feel idk safe?#anyways so sorry for posting this#im truly fine other than a little stressed and the overall self hatred#maybe i need to remember that i kinda freaked myself out several times the last relapse from like the severity of the wounds#i don't want to cut that deep though. at least rn. but i know once i start each cut just isn't 'bad' or deep enough so i keep going#ugh sorry for posting this idk what is wrong with me (other than the anxiety depression and adhd)#self harm tw
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orcelito · 2 years
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me gearing up to hate my Fucking life as i work to finish this damned texting bitch of a program due tomorrow, logging into the school website to get the lab info page... only to see the due date's been pushed back a week. probably bc many people, like me, are really... not close to done with it lol
i wouldve known this if id gone to class today probs lol, but i was too busy being gay. so uh. yay? this is a genuine relief lol i was feeling Particularly destructive about it all.
#speculation nation#ive been increasingly irritated today bc of the knowledge that this was waiting for me at home#i knew i wasnt going to finish it in a way that was favorable to me. i was going to need to sacrifice sleep.#but it seems like i wont have to. thank fucking god.#anyways yea my girlfriend was visiting for the past few days (aka why ive been largely absent from here) but she's left again#i only had a few more hours with her so i decided to skip class and be gay instead of going. Lol#and then i had to go to work to do some stuff but i procrastinated leaving bc i was watching critical role#and then the stuff took longer than expected bc i had to make creme brulee bc we were completely out but got more powder for it#did inventory. prepped my notes for the meeting (that is starting. soon.)#then came home. prepared myself for Shit Night. got started looking into shit#and then found this thing. so like lmfao like Hell im going to work on this bitch tonight. fuck that.#uhmmm sorry professor for not going to class for two consecutive class periods i was busy prepping for being gay and then being gay#Finger Guns. lmao#anyways yeah life resumes as normal. im not really getting a day off this week.#WELL depending on things maybe i could get away with not coming in on thursday#i was only scheduled an hour today but it turned into 3.5hr. im not scheduled tomorrow but it's payroll week so i'll go in to do tips#then thursday im scheduled 2 hours for recipe restocking but if no recipes need restocked then like. no need & all#the other days r proper shifts. Though if they dont give us our tapioca by the weekend i'll end up not having a sunday shift#bc BOBA MAKING IS BACKKKKKKKKK (crying tears of joy and pain)#but we're getting a new machine for it so it'll hopefully be Much easier than it used to be. which is good! i fucking hated my Life with it#anyways i know i need to sleep after the manager meeting bc lol. lmao even. staying awake any longer in this kind of mood isnt gonna help
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gibbearish · 9 months
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Congrats on sending that application!
THANK UUUUUU
#it was to a dominos and my partner is a gm in training at a different branch and i have over a year delivery driving experience#already and know Exactly How Low Their Standards Are so im not worried about getting it‚ mostly just that my brain will still be too mushy#to handle a job again#but i mean since it is just dominos and im only aiming for part time it hopefully shouldn't be too bad#and i do not care if they don't like me bc my resumes already pretty good as is i don't need a glowing review from dominos#esp bc i could just put my bf down as a dominos reference and theyd probably just Assume i worked for him and call him#instead of the store i actually worked at KWNDLABFKSBFJD#which is v good bc having seen a lot of what goes on behind the scenes on the manager side via my bf. i already know i am#going to cause problems LMAO#i have the Transgender Working In Very Liberal Area Right Next To Very Conservative Area Protection Aura#wherein the bosses here are So Very Scared of getting in trouble for bigotry and want to look sososososo woke. that i can get away#with being way more blunt abt when shit sucks lol#bosses don't really know what to do when The One Openly Transgender One directly calls out unfair expectations to their face#and to be clear i do mean liberal as in Liberal we're still very much in the North Idaho Splash Zone so like#open bigotry doesnt happen and the public will be on your side if it does. but boy do they know actually nothing about it#you know the type i mean kwbfksbfkd#like the best example i can think of is a couple ppl at my last job still she/her'd me long after i started passing as male#and me Being A Transgender™ had made the news rounds#and my other coworkers wouldnt correct them and would just he/him and they/them me back#which im fine w bc thats how my pronouns work is just. idk whatever you think‚ if you wanna she me you can just look dumb LMAO#but crucially 99% of my coworkers Didnt know thats how that worked‚ they just knew im A Transgender and look like a man#and that everyone else didn't use she/her for me anymore‚ so like an actually left place would rightly assume#they were doing it deliberately to be shitty and correct them‚ whereas here theyre just like. ah im sure they just havent noticed#since you went by she/her when you started here#and its like no i dont think the beard i grew halfway through working there went unnoticed actually#given that Thats When The Universal He Himming Started#im rambling again sorry for this word avalanche irt a simple congrats i got distracted JEBFKABFKSBFKDBFMD#anyways. tyvm it was stressful and i still dont want to do it but its out of my hands now so i have to follow through and at least give it#a try and i appreciate the encouragement‚ it rlly did make me feel a lot better just seeing the ask#gibberasks
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honestly the only thing that could make me come back to star rail at this point would be them adding wendy AND making her playable and honestly i doubt that's gonna happen lol
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