#this has been accumulating for

[hows-my-handwriting]

Hobie Brown Headcanons

long post ahead. will put as much as i can under the cut but i will have a.... loose table of contents.

and im not feeding you everything. i need more content to drip feed you later.

the inspo is driving me crazy but the hands are refusing to write.

the table: backstory food british animals

lmk if ppl want this to be split up into individual posts per category. cuz its l o n g

BACKSTORY:

Not based on the comics. purely my own attempt at writing his backstory and his particular villains.

Hobie's Doc Oc was a university professor pressured by Osborn's regime to produce weapons. Hobie had met the guy while crashing a university class, but nothing more than that. Octavius snapped and took the revolution to the extreme. he built a WMD and planned to use it on the city. Hobie talked octavius down and disarmed the weapon.

Hobie's lizard was his close friend and bandmate who got jealous over their lead singer's affections towards hobie. they were close friends until hobie started drifting away. curtis was bitter and never really forgave him. the final straw was when hobie returned in full, having just abandoned his spider suit. the band is back together but curtis still has hard feelings. he knew vaguely about hobie's connection with spiderman but thought that it was some kind of special deal or friendship which was just another nail in the coffin. he turns himself into the lizard and attacks hobie, demanding answers and refusing to listen.

the above is just an excuse to hurt hobie really bad >:3 i love my angst and my beating my muses up. i wanted to break his ribs.

electro was a civilian who just happened to get struck by lightning. he is the sole reason hobie has insulated all of his gear and one of the reasons all of his spikes can shoot excess electricity like one of those funky little electrode balls. hobie took one look at this guy and immediately got to work.

Kraven was a bounty hunter hired and possibly engineered by osborn and fisk to hunt down hobie. classic kraven activities. he tried to drown hobie in the thames. hobie managed to escape but couldn't breathe or eat properly for a week after the attack

hobie's ship was hauled from the local junkyard. It was originally just used as a figure head to lead the charge from the government locked dam blocking off water. it somehow survived so he uses it as his hq.

hobie is immune to his scorpion's venom after being stung so many times and stealing samples of it to build up an immunity. yes it hurt. yes it sucked. but it worked. (loosely inspired by a fanfic)

the above are not in chronological order. mostly.

FOOD:

Hobie's world doesn't have a lot of spices. it's a closed state unless importing 'important' materials like lumber, steel and other sciency stuff, food is a lower priority or just a restricted luxury. the spice trade has regressed to something like the 1600s where foreign spices are held by those in power purely as a status symbol. the common man might have access to salt, sugar and cream, but anything else- especially anything spicy- is a luxury item.

hobie would love spicy food. i just dont think he's gotten much exposure to it. day one out of e-138 he opened a bag of spicy chips in the cafeteria, touched one and exploded.

exotic/foreign fruits fall under this same category but for more legit reasons of travel and lack of safe storage. so for example: mangoes, oranges/citrus, kiwi, pomegranates.

boba would freak him the fuck out. he has no idea what those little jiggly things are and its only made worse when one of the kids inevitably shows him the hamster 'is it worth it' meme. he becomes scarred for life.

if you take too long to take a bite out of whatever you're holding and hobie is hungry, he will just lean over and take a bite out of it. sandwich? bitten. spaghetti? stolen off the fork. chocolate bar? wrapper and bar, gone.

his favorite flavor of cake is chocolate or caramel. sue me im projecting onto him

BRITISH

he holds out his pinky when holding cups. it's just an unconscious thing that turns conscious once someone calls it out. in which case he sticks it out even further

flips the police and the royal family off regularly with the one fingered or the two fingered version. will only respect the french for inventing the creative two fingered fuck you, but nothing else.

has a winter fit that is just like a pile of whatever sweaters he has and two scarves. and long socks that make the space in his tight boots even more tight. sometimes cuts off circulation to his feet.

loves going to pubs and just chatting with people. also loves picking fights with the drunk people. Particularly the irish. he thinks their accents are funny and has long arguments with them while they're both speaking absolute gibberish.

knows french but only the insults. has an arsenal of french insults he will just whip out of his back pocket and drop on someone's head.

not really a british thing but i bet he doesn't know how to ride a bike. he was a) too tall and b) not willing to get his entire skeleton rattled by riding over the cobbled streets of london.

wimpy's fan. (its like the british version of mcdonalds but less popular and less famous. according to my research).

ANIMALS

Hobie keeps pigeons. he built a little house when he was bored and was surprised to find three pigeons hiding from the rain underneath it the next day. he didn't really intend to keep them but they nested and he kept bringing them food and water. he did name the brown one hobie jr.

hobie has a cat. again, not really 'has' but rather 'it broke into his boat and wont leave'. he didn't name her because he can't think of a good one. for the longest time he had no idea she was living in his floorboards but later discovered a hole in the side of his boat and found a crawlspace just large enough for a kitten.

he is freaked out by snakes. not as in a fear of snakes. but rather in utter disbelief that they can be the size of a human person. he's read about and probably seen the average snake, about the size of an arm. but anything larger than that will make his jaw drop right off of his face

he did have a symbiote dog for a short time. the dog was badly hurt and the passive symbiote had merged with its body to try and help it. he offered it a place to stay and rest and it happily agreed. it followed him around for the short while they had together and one day went off on its own.

he still sees that dog around (affectionately named 'spider-mutt') and offers it head scratches or belly rubs but they always part ways sooner than later.

loves opossums. thinks they look funny.

part two? maybe....

might add more to this as my brain keeps turning.

[aivy-saur]

WIP posting cuz why not

Tagging @leonistic (in case u wanna see this too HDKSHJDSJKD)

[silverware-is-interesting]

Mirror Man - Jack Stauber

good god i have regrets. idk if i'd say this is one of them though

anyways. sonny in the computer eh? here. have every single frame of this. 'cause there's only 24

it's in the opposite order of appearance but i'm not gonna fix that so. have fun i suppose

oh. uh. sorry for my trash handwriting i just didn't wanna risk krita crashing if i inserted text n did whatever makes it crash. hah.

[iam-anordinary-human-orami]

Give me Nicky creating a video full of blurry photos and awkward 2000s transitions for Neil's bday (not the actual one, the 31st of March one) with the "Bitch" song by meredith Brooks.

Lyrics come up, "I'm a bitch" and it's a still of Neil roasting on press duty

"Im a lover" Neil stealing a glance at Andrew, a small smile on his face

"Im a child" photo taken from high angle of Neil looking up at the camera, indignation all over his face, a granola bar in his mouth

"Im a mother" Neil pointing at Kevin chewing him out while Kev is saying sth arms crossed on his chest (or better yet, Kevin and Jean walking to opposite directions but there's a leash around their chest that Neil is holding)

"Im a sinner" shot of Neil eating pinneaple on Pizza and Matt and Dan looking horrified and disgusted on the background

"Im a saint" meme of the cat with the dozen knifes at its throat but on the face of the cat is a poorly cropped picture of Neil raising his eyebrow

[ravewing]

not over how if you go to the flame wof tag im not in the top blogs . like what do you mean tumblr WHAT . i have like ten billion posts of flame . i drew him every day for THIRTY DAYS STRAIGHT . i am his #1 fan . i AM HIM . do not do me like this tumblr i guarantee you i post about him more than anyone else on this app

[thebirdandhersong]

you guys God is so good and life is so surprising…… the barista gave me a free chunk of lemon loaf (I LOVE lemon loaf) today did I mention for FREE…. I saw an awkward looking young boy walking to his car from the florist with a little bouquet of pink flowers in hand for his girl……. there's this professor from Nanaimo who translates Ancient Greek stuff for free and I found his translation of The Iliad online….. the latest articles on Ekstasis are SO good and they made my heart so full after two hours of drudgery (class)..... I read this poem called Let God Become the Quiet in All Things and it twisted my heart a bit..... had Rocky Road ice cream with an unsettling amount of caramel and chocolate syrup last night before bed....... and in two hours and a bit, I shall be at my friend's house singing hymns with her and her other friend at our first English-lit-girls-choral-enthusiasts meeting......... everything is going to be fine, I think :)

[onebizarrekai]

my ever-growing pile of antics, including but not limited to: jock ranboo™, quackity with a gun, senator schlatt, catboy dream, and the Shopping Cart Mental Breakdown, among other things

(also, unironically, warden hybrid sam)

[dementedspeedster]

Thad's just doubled over and bracing himself against a wall as he mutters to himself, "How many more times am I going to have to go through this? Am I really going to have to sprocking strip down again to prove I'm not a bottle blond?"

[outlying-hyppocrate]

whatever. when i get back home i'm remodeling my little sylvanian families houses

[ifwebefriends]

My mom: I read to you all the time as a kid! I tried my very best but you just didn’t grow up to be a reader! I don’t know what I did wrong?

Me:

ID in ALT

[tomatoluvr69]

Ohhhhhh my goddddddddd so I’ve basically been to the doctor three times since turning 18 and aging out of the pediatrician because of my horrible doctor fears and issues. So it’s a MOMENTOUS occasion and the culmination of years of glacial self-work that I felt ready FINALLY READY to sit down and make a doctors appointment for a routine visit!! Like that is give or take a decade in the making…….and all the ethereal alchemical elements were correct so I could finally do it this morning. But the clinic is closed and you can only do it weekdays ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ ok guess I am going to the doctor in 10 years probably. See you 2034

[fluorescentbrains]

just ordered a new (pre-owned) phone, after almost 6 years with my (pre-owned) iphone 7. excited for apps to work again

[science-lings]

the goddess sword from Skyward Sword but the sword upgrades center around the master swords design motif of wings, so the wings on the guard of the goddess sword start out closed and practically completely merged with its hilt, and with every goddess flame Link obtains the wings open up more and more, ending with the full master sword having either one set of fully outstretched wings or multiple sets of wings in the different forms that the goddess sword took.

[hydrachea]

Not sure if you answer these types of asks but I have Oberon brainrot and I was wondering how do you think Guda and Oberon would make out?

Oh I will absolutely answer this type of ask.

The answer is that they contain multitudes though. First/second ascension Oberon still acts out his prince role, he hates every second of it but he'll still play into it. Think romance movie kisses, the too-perfect-to-be true kind. Looks idyllic to onlookers! Kind of hollow for both participants.

Third ascension doesn't care, so it's a lot messier because honestly he's frustrated to be in this situation in the first place and even more frustrated to not be hating it. There's teeth, there's claws, there's also swatting the occasional bug that wanders out of his cape and into Guda's hair but that part isn't intended.

And Guda after all that? Guda's not taking any shit from either Oberons. Guda has tamed worse - have you seen their Servants? They're the epitome of "shut up and make out with me", whether it's "shut up (you're being annoying)" or "shut up (stop thinking so much)". It's not an aggressive kind of kiss, but it's insistent and it works wonders.

[daisychain-unchained]

I have a problem…

ThriftBooks and girl math is a fatal combination

[thiefofcrows]

PERSONALS, DO NOT INTERACT.

I been meaning to write a post about this for quite a while, so —

As anyone who's read my carrd or written closely with me knows, I portray Kaz as being demisexual / demiromantic. I do want to make it clear that it is not some kind of result of his trauma whatsoever. I've seen people put up a fight about it, as if Kaz being on the ace/aro spectrum automatically implies that and .... I think that's a terrible take. Not only that, but you can 1000% tell the people who make a fuss about it ( the people I see are in pinterest comments and stuff ) are not only not ace or aro, but they have no idea how either of those things actually work, given there's a broad spectrum. They're like 'If he doesn't show absolutely zero interest in anything relating to romance or sex, then he's not ace!' ... and ... That's Now How That Works, BUT. I digress ... :))

My flavor of ace is a bit different than Kaz's, but regardless, the reason I portray him this way is because, as an ace person, I deeply recognize and identify with the way he thinks about and experiences desire. And, experiencing flashes of desire doesn't mean he isn't ace - people use that argument a lot, with this bit here ( from Cr.ooked Kingdom pg 415 ):

But feeling fleeting flashes of desire is Very Different than seeing a person you find attractive and actively wanting to have sex with them regardless of whether you know them or not, which is what traditional sexual attraction is ( and LET ME TELL YOU ... figuring that out was the most wait THAT'S REALLY HOW PEOPLE THINK?? moment, I stg. I deadass thought people were exaggerating, but a lot of people Are Not! ). It doesn't come in flashes, it washes over you like a wave and stays there. Not to mention 'he knew what he was expected to say, the things he was supposed to want.' ... I have had that thought so many times in my life and every ace person I've ever talked to has as well, and I know a lot of them.

The way Kaz pines after Inej in his inner monologue is ace coded as hell, too. The things he finds beautiful or alluring about her aren't anywhere near sexual in nature. He mentions her laugh, her eyes, her hair, and of course who she is as a person, traits like her bravery and the way she manages to seek the good in the world, despite how bleak a situation is. While the sexual attraction is absolutely hinted at as well near the end of CK, the rest of this is all romantic attraction and both were built over years of establishing trust and a bond between each other - and with the way it's written, it's clear imo that it would still be the same case even without the Trauma. It wouldn't take as long, of course, but he wouldn't feel those things about her instantly, he would have to get to know her and bond with her first before any attraction emerged. Demisexual and Demiromantic is literally doesn't feel attraction without the presence of a deep bond.

People also talk about how Kaz must have been attracted to Inej instantly because he convinced Per Haskell to pay off Inej's indenture a day after she spoke to him. HOWEVER ... I guess let's completely disregard the fact that he's fifteen, which is a year after he broke his leg, where he's been working on crafting a specific legend around himself re: his cane and his injury to protect himself. It's safe to say that someone hadn't snuck up on Kaz since he was maybe twelve or so, as that's when he joined the Dregs.

Imagine you've crafted this armor from consistent trauma around yourself to prevent getting taken off guard, because that is something that can kill you and has almost killed you .... and then this girl suddenly just appears next to you and you didn't notice. This girl could've literally driven a dagger through your ribs and you wouldn't have noticed her until it was too late. Imagine realizing that, if you didn't get her out of this place, she would go to someone else and they would recruit her. Pekka Rollins could recruit her. And then, one of your enemies has a means to sneak up on you undetected at literally any point. The amount of sheer terror she likely instilled in him in that moment, like ... yikes. Kaz is Like This because it is what has kept him alive in the Barrel.

Like .... yeah, in that circumstance, I would've allied with her the very next day too lmao. Kaz is far too focused on trying to survive to even think about that shit, but note that he never mentions feeling any immediate attraction to her whatsoever. He stayed awake that night trying to solve the puzzle of how tf she was able to sneak up on him with bells around her ankles. He wasn't laying there thinking about how pretty she was lol.

ANYWAYS ... I ended up rambling but tldr; Kaz is demisexual/demiromantic. It's illustrated clearly in the books by his actions and inner monologue, it has nothing do with his trauma. I 1000% think it's canon and I'll happily die on this hill, kthxbye.