#this is actually devastating my eyes are burning I’m tearing up :(

[kadextra]

I HATE IT HEREEEE WTF THEY MEMORY WIPED HIM????? HE CANT WRITE???? WHAT DID THE FEDERATION DO TO HIM???? MY SON IM SO SORRY

[ao3usermelancholyhues]

𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐢𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐝𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐞

steve harrington/eddie munson for @steddiemicrofic's february prompt: edge, 509 words. ft. suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, happy ending | T rating read on ao3

The quarry’s cold at dusk, Steve thinks. Not like the temperature matters. The water will be worse, if he even feels it.

He kicks a stone over the edge of the precipice, can’t even see it going down, but he hears it clatter against the rocks on the way. He pictures them covered in his blood and has to squeeze his eyes shut. 

It would be a relief. 

He’s trying to convince himself. The note in the car is brief, mostly for his mom. She’ll be devastated, but he’s not worth her time. For years, it’s been hard to tell if she even likes him. His dad definitely doesn’t. Not worthy of the Harrington name. Still just a boy and not a man, but not even boys can make mistakes. Maybe he’ll start over with his latest fucking mistress, whoever she is. Have a better son; a brother he’ll never know. They’ll mention his name in passing when they look at photo albums and explain to Junior that this was Steve, how sad, he never amounted to anything. 

The lump in his throat swells. 

His friends never liked him. They liked the ‘King.’ He dropped them all but it was okay because he had Nancy.

Except she doesn’t want him any more either. 

Steve built his entire life so that he could never be alone, and he screwed that up too. There’s no-one left. 

“Harrington?” 

Steve jumps, eyes flying open. The stretch of absolute nothingness ahead makes his head spin; he pitches to one side.

“Hey, hey, man! Fuck!”

There’s footsteps and he’s jerked back from the ledge so roughly it hurts his neck. They hit the gravel hard. 

“What the shit, man, I thought you were gonna fuckin’ jump.” 

Right. It’s the freak. Of course he hangs out at the quarry. 

Steve stands up wordlessly, wobbling, and starts determinedly back to his car. He doesn’t need this, the conversation. 

“Uh, you’re welcome,” Eddie pants as he jogs right behind Steve, indignant. “I just saved your life, dude! You seriously looked like you were gonna fuckin’ kill yourself.” 

He’s laughing, hard. Steve just hunches his shoulders and keeps his eyes down, walking quicker.

“Wait, shit, were you actually— oh shit, shit, fuck,” Eddie sounds genuinely panicked. “Dude, I didn’t… I’m sorry.” 

Steve stops, heaves in a deep, shaking breath. He could run, go over like the stone. Blood on the rocks. Relief.

“Steve,” Eddie says, voice soft. There’s a hand on his lower back. Nobody’s touched him in weeks. It almost hurts. “Why don’t you come over to my place?” 

He stiffens, arching away. “Why would I?” 

“Because, my uncle… a long time ago, he tried… I think you could have a really good talk with him.” 

Steve swallows and looks up, daring himself to hold Eddie’s gaze. His eyes burn and his face crumples, tears spilling. 

Eddie’s arm goes around him, gently urging him forwards. “C’mon. He makes the best hot chocolate too.” 

Steve just nods, cries all the way to Eddie’s van. 

He can handle hot chocolate.

[samkerrworshipper]

the call up

leah williamson x reader

please keep sending requests in i need some fuel!

angst, panic attacks, pain, mentions of abuse of power, mentions of abuse, a short 4000 words im posting this at 2am so sorry for any typos or little things i might have missed x

my heart breaks for the espwnt as they navigate their current situation and i’ve been thinking a lot about it so here’s this little fic ❤️

blurb: you got the news notification, not a text, not a call, a fucking new notification that had broken your heart into a million different pieces

———————————————————————

I was consciously ignoring the sound of furious knocking against the bathroom door, but not on purpose. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I’d felt that way ever since I’d gotten the news notification and then the follow up text from Alexia asking if I was okay. No I wasn’t okay, but I’d told her I was fine anyway. It was a blur to me what had happened after that, I’d thrown my phone at a wall, knowing that my phone was probably 30 seconds off of lighting up furiously with more notifications. How could they do this to us? How could they do it to me? After that I’d stumbled my way into my ensuite, finding it hard to see properly with the tears that were crowding my eyes. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think beyond the thought of how this was actually happening.

I’d staggered my way into the shower, cranking the water to its highest point and sitting myself down on the floor. I was bawling my eyes out but I couldn’t really feel it, all I felt was numbness, overwhelmingly numb. The shower water was boiling hot but the searing liquid felt perfect against my skin, it did wonders to comfort the iciness inside of me. It also drowned out the neverending sound of me sobbing furiously into my own skin. I was still wearing my clothes, still dressed in the same t-shirt and shorts that I’d been wearing when I’d gotten the notification. I was scratching furiously at my legs, seeking out the relief that the mixture of pain and burning gave me.

How was this the world that we were living in? How was it that in the current world that we lived in I didn’t even have a basic human right? I was a sobbing, trembling mess just thinking about it all.

How was I supposed to go there and pretend that everything was fine, that I didn’t want to claw my throat out just at the thought of being in the presence of some of those people. It was insanity, pure insanity. I was a fucking world champion, one of the best players in the world and yet here I was, back to square one. What was the point in us even signing a treaty if they were just going to flat out ignore it anyways. It made me sick to my stomach, in what world was this okay, in what world was this how we lived?

Leah would probably hate me, hate me for being ungrateful for the opportunity, hate me for not taking a chance to play when she couldn’t. I was being fucking childish, it shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, shouldn’t have been that upsetting. I was being given the opportunity to play the sport I loved for my country, so why did everything about it feel so wrong? Why couldn’t I find a part of my heart that was happy that I’d been called up, happy about the prospect of playing for my country. I should have been happy, should have been excited, should have been bewildered that they were asking for me to come back even after I’d told the press about all the abuse, it was a miracle really. My heart went out to Mapi, my best friend who I knew would be absolutely devastated that she’d been called up, she’d rejected a call-up to the world cup because of her views and now that was invalidated, everything she’d stood for was going out the window, much like the rest of us.

It was the knocking that brought me out of my spiral, it was non-stop, loud and furious.

“Y/n, I’m coming in sweetheart.”

It was Leah’s voice, both so gentle and stern at the same time. I didn’t take my head out of my knees as I heard the door to our ensuite open, I must have forgotten to lock it in the flurry of emotions that had gotten me to the shower floor. I heard Leah step cautiously into the room, probably taking in her surroundings and the state I was in. Then I heard the door to the shower opening and I couldn’t help but pull my head out of the spot in between my legs to look at her. She looked flustered, her hair and clothes dishevelled and nothing like what they’d looked like when she’d left this morning to take our dogs on a walk and meet up with Keira for coffee.

“Oh darling.”

I knew I probably looked like a mess, mascara smudged all over my red eyes. She reached out to comfort me but immediately recoiled when her skin made contact with the water, letting out a string of profanities towards the water,

“Fuck, you’re burning yourself,” She said, her eyes flashing with fear as she reached towards the temperature dial, immediately turning it down to a more luke warm temperature.

“No, I need to feel clean,” I reached up to turn the water controls back to my previous temperature btu Leah’s hand stopped me, her hands gently gathering my own in hers.

“You are clean y/n,” Her voice was a mere whisper, her voice hoarse as she hurriedly slipped off her shirt and shorts before climbing into the shower with me, just left in her sports bra and boxer shorts.

“Dirty,” I choked out, flinching away from her as she snaked an arm around my body.

“You are not dirty y/n/n,” her voice was stern, she was speaking to me with the intention to get past my internalised barriers that were trying to block her out, trying to block out her attempts to convince me that my self deprecating thoughts were wrong.

As soon as she noticed my hands falling down to my legs to continue scratching at them to get some release she put a stop to it, her own hands intertwining with mine and bringing them to her chest.

“I know there are a lot of twisted thoughts going through your head right now sweetheart, I know that this whole situation is so fucked up, beyond it being okay but I’m here for you.”

I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like every breath that I was taking in was lacking in oxygen and everything I needed to be able to fucking breathe.

“How can they do this? How can they make us do this?”

Leah just shook her head at me, because we both knew she didn’t have an answer, that as much as I leaned on her to give me an answer for everything she just couldn’t in this situation.

“I don’t know.”

Her words were rocky, splotchy, it reflected everything that I was feeling in that moment.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m being ungrateful, I mean you can’t even play and I’m sitting her complaining about the fact I’m being given the opportunity to play,”

“You aren’t being given an opportunity, you are being forced to play. You are allowed to be annoyed about that, it’s not being ungrateful. We live in a world where as women we are supposed to be grateful about every single fucking opportunity we are given but this isn’t a opportunity my love, it’s fucking abuse, especially after what those men did to you.”

I shivered at Leah’s words, just thinking about everything that I’d given to that team just to be fucking abused and assaulted, it had taken so much therapy for me to acknowledge that it had been abuse, that it hadn’t been deserved, that I deserved better.

“I can’t go back, I can’t do it,” Leah nodded at me, pressing her lips to my forehead under the spray of the shower and nodding against my skin.

“That’s okay, we’ll sort it out, I’ll call Ale and we’ll figure it out. If you don’t want to go you don’t have to, we can't risk your mental health for fucking soccer.”

“They’ll take my licence, they’ll fine me, I’ll never be allowed back, they’ll find a way to invalidate my passport and I’ll never get to see my family again,”

“That’s a bridge we can cross, we’ll figure it out, what matters most is that you are okay.”

I didn’t feel okay, I felt like I was tearing at the seams, like seeing that news notification pop up on my screen as I’d been catching up on the most recent episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was probably the worst moment of my life.

“You do feel safe, y/n?”

I shook my head, burying deep into Leah’s neck, trying to get as far away from the world as I could.

“I love you y/n, I will never stop loving you, no matter what happens, you are stuck with me, so even if thats hard to believe I need you to know that, I need you to think about that. Let’s get you out of the shower, yeah?”

She was right, I didn’t believe her. I kept my cheek pressed into her neck as she lifted me up off of the floor and out of the shower, stripping off my layers and wrapping me in a towel, I refused to face her though, refused to look into those eyes.

“Can I carry you?” Her voice was so hesitant and before I could gather my thoughts, the ones that told me to push Leah away I found myself nodding.

She engulfed me in her arms so quickly it was as if she knew I was on the cusp of changing my mind, I still hadn’t stopped crying, my sobs had just quietened down into numb, soundless tears that somehow burned my cheeks as they dripped down my skin. My chest pressed against her own as she lifted me up and walked us into our room, our bedroom. I squeezed my eyes, trying my hardest to ignore how perfect it felt in that moment to be pressed against her, to be in her arms, how perfect it felt to be held by her.

She gently placed me down on our bed and I tried my hardest not to whimper at the loss of contact, she dashed off into our wardrobe, stumbling around in there for a few seconds before returning with a fresh matching bra and boxer set on herself and a sports bra and pair of boxer shorts for me. I didn’t even flinch as she pulled the items of clothing over my body, just went limp in her arms. Once she was done dressing me she climbed onto the bed beside me.

“Can I hold you?”

I nodded at her with tears in my eyes and she’d immediately wrapped both of her arms around me. She rested herself against the head of the bed and brought me into her lap so my back was pressed against her chest, it was the skin to skin contact that made me start to sob unapologetically and furiously. Leah was quick to tighten her grip on me and start to rock me back and forth in her arms.

“I’m so sorry this is happening to you sweetheart, I’ll do anything I can to fix it.”

Leah was a problem solver, furiously dedicated to helping out anyone that she could. In this instance though I couldn’t find anything that she could actually help with, what was there for her to do? No one could do anything, any effort, any attempt to try and make a change, for Jenni, for us all, was over.

“How am I supposed to go there and act all happy and grateful when all I want to do is tell them all fuck you, fuck you for doing this to me, fuck you for condoning the abuse for years, fuck you for covering it all up.”

My words came out in hiccups between the sobs, Leah waited for a few minutes before answering me, it got to the point where I was worried she wasn’t going to answer me at all.

“If you don’t want to stay and play you won’t have to, it’s against your rights and the FIFA code says so, fuck there bullshit law that says you have to go. We’ll talk with our lawyers, talk with Ale and Mapi and we’ll find a solution. If they make you play then you can sit on the field, you can fake an injury, get yourself red carded. We’ll find a solution, we’ll work it out.”

Everything Leah said made sense but it also didn’t, how was I supposed to go there, how was I supposed to walk in a building and try and reason with people I was terrified of, people that I now needed anti anxiety medication for, people that had given me years of trauma and PTSD.

It was then that we were both shaken by a furious banging from our front door, my mind went to the worst place possible. What if it was reporters, or people from fifa, or people from the Spanish federation? What if they’d come to take me, what if they were already here to take my licence or take me to jail?”

Leah sensed my distress and slid herself out from behind me.

“I’ll go take a look, stay here, it’ll be fine.”

Even her voice was unsure, like she didn’t even know if it was actually okay. She darted out of our room, I heard her thudding down the stairs and then making it to our front door. I heard her open it, which indicated to me it had to be someone we knew because if it was someone she didn’t want to see she would have looked through the peephole and left them. I heard the hushed voices of two people, maybe? Then the furiously fast footsteps of an amount of people I couldn’t make out. Within a few second though all was revealed to me as Alexia, Mapi, Lucy and Keira bursted into my room, Leah chasing after them. One look at them all had me sobbing again. Alexia and Mapi were quick to jump onto the bed beside me, I noticed the the tear tracks that were painting Mapi’s face as well and the red rims around her eyes. Mapi was my best friend in the entire world, we’d played with each other since we were kids. Alexia was like my older sister, she’d taken me under my wing as soon as I’d joined Barca as a rookie and she’d treated me like her own ever since. The two women meant more to me than anybody else, bar Leah and I knew that they both knew how much this would be tearing me up.

“How can they do this to us? After everything they’ve done?”

“Lo se mi amor, lo siento mucho.” (I know my love, I’m so sorry)

Ale’s voice didn’t do much to comfort me, if anything her familiar words that were spoken in our mother tongue just made it all pour out of me more.

The two english women in the room were lead out by Leah, the three of them sensing that this was a moment that us Spaniards needed to have on our own.

“No puedo hacerlo Ale lo siento pero no puedo hacerlo.” (I can’t do it Ale, I’m so sorry but I can’t do it.)

“It’s okay Mi amor, I understand. We are going to sort it out for you and Mapi, we’ll figure it out, you don’t have to be there if you don’t want to, they can’t force you.”

“Can’t they?”

It was the first time Mapi had gotten a word into the conversation and Alexia’s eyes immediately met hers in a glare, she was trying to stop me from working myself up even further and Mapi’s words weren’t helping.

“No they can’t María, we’ll work it out, I’ll sort it out for my girls, I’ll keep you protected, te prometo que.” (I promise you)

“You can’t make that promise, you didn’t protect us last time.”

The tension between the two was thickening and it was making me feel even smaller.

“I can try my hardest, last time it was different and you know it, this time we have an audience, we have people that we can trust to help us, we don’t have to be scared anymore, I am going to protect you, lo juro.”

I pressed myself further into Ale’s arms, finding solace and comfort in the older woman's arms.

“I’m scared, Ale.”

I felt Ale’s head nod against my own from its position balancing on top of mine, her head burrowing into my semi wet hair that Leah had partly dried with a towel.

“I know pequeño, you have every right to be scared, but I’ll keep you safe and if you want to go home after we negotiate with them then you can, no one is going to make you play.”

I nodded into Ale’s body, searching for Mapi’s hand and when I found it tangling it in my own, finding warmth and steadiness in her hand.

I could feel my body relaxing into Ale’s, the emotions of the last hour starting to hit me and affect my energy level.

“Go to sleep, cariño, rest, you need it.”

I’d nodded sleepily into Alexia’s body and let myself relax fully against her, letting all of the stress, fear and anxieties leave my body as the feeling of sleep started to overcome my senses.

When I woke up it was no longer light outside. I shot up in bed, realising I was alone and immediately clutching at my chest as I felt the anxiety overcome my body, I’d been deserted, because of my stupid fears about being called up, I deserved it, I was so weak, so stupid, so fucking unworthy of love and attention. It all came crashing down on me, like a massive wave, all of the feelings crashing down on top of me in an overwhelming cascade. I was gasping for air, frantically clawing the sheets of the bed off of my body, suddenly feeling overwhelmed, overheated and sweaty. I’d left a cold sweat patch on our bed sheets but it didn’t really bother me, I was so hot and it was so hard to breathe and I just couldn’t think.

The next thing I knew Leah was walking into our room with a cup of tea that she’d almost immediately dropped when her eyes had met mine, forgetting the cup and liquid and jumping directly onto the bed, her mind immediately reeling.

“Y/n/n, you're having a panic attack, I need you to breathe for me, how we’ve practised, you’re going to be okay, take some deep breaths for me.”

I’d gulped and nodded at Leah, we had practised it quite a bit, it didn’t make it any easier when this happened but it did reassure me that I knew how to do it.

Her hand had almost immediately found its way to my hunched over back, rubbing circles into the muscles along my back as I struggled to take in any oxygen.

“You’ve got it my love, deep breaths, in and out, it’s going to be okay, I’m right here.”

Leah’s voice was so soft, so comforting, like it was made of cotton and teddy bear fur.

“I thought I was alone and I-I thought you’d left me.”

My voice was so unsteady, so unlike me.

“I’m never leaving you honey, not if I can help it, I’m here for you, always by your side.”

She solidified her statement by pressing a gentle kiss to the side of my temple, I relaxed my scrunched up face against her mouth, trying to enjoy the feeling of it as much as possible.

“Good girl, keep taking those deep breaths for me, you're doing so well mi amor.”

Leah knew very little Spanish, I’d tried my hardest to teach her some, especially when she’d stayed with me in Barca but it just never stuck, she didn’t practise enough for it to stick, not that I minded, my mum was english so I’d spoken both since I was a child, my English was just as good as my Spanish so it wasn’t hard for me to converse with my partner.

Leah’s voice kept rubbing against my back, helping to guide me back down to earth from the panic induced cloud that I’d sent myself to. When I did finally come back down I started to take in my surroundings, the damp sheet below me, Leah’s breath against my neck, our dog and cat sitting on the edge of our bed, cuddled up together asleep.

“Hey angel, you back with me?”

Her voice was so gentle, so patient. Leah’s hand found its way to my face, brushing the loose brunette strands from my face and pushing them behind my ear. I felt shameful, I couldn’t handle looking into those eyes, those eyes that held a world's worth of care in them, the eyes that I knew could break me down into tears on their own accord.

“M’ sorry.”

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

Her reassurance was what I needed, I craved that reassurance, craved her approval.

“I just want this all to go away, I just want to be able to me be, just live how I want to.”

Leah pushed herself back against our pillows and pulled me with her, wrapping her arms around me and bringing me to her chest, her lips fell to my forehead out of habit, it was one of her favourite things to do, I loved the connection.

“You can be you, you are allowed to be upset about this, there is nothing wrong about being angry about what is happening to you.”

I let my head find a nook in Leah’s body and relax into it properly, finding so much peace in her.

“I just want this to all be over, better yet, never have happened.”

“Fair enough, you’ve dealt with enough bullshit to last you the rest of your life, you are allowed to be angry about that, anything you feel is valid, your life has been turned upside down by a bunch of old white men who don’t care about anybody besides themselves and it sucks, it sucks that most of the men in power across our world are the same and that we can’t really do anything to change that. I’m here for you though, so is Ale and Mapi and everyone else that cares about you. It sucks, but that's what we have and maybe it’s enough, maybe it’s all we really need.”

I nodded along with Leah’s words, she was so wise, so smart considering her age. It was one of the things I admired her so much for, how she knew so much but was also prepared to educate herself on something that she wasn’t sure about. She was always wanting to be better, to learn more, it was jarring for me when I’d met her, having come from a very traditional family and set of views.

“Go back to sleep my love, we’ll work this all out in the morning, I promise.”

“Pinky swear?”

She’d rolled her eyes at me but nodded regardlessly, knowing that if she didn’t my anxieties would creep up and I’d probably send myself into another fit.

“I pinky swear.”

[morganbritton132]

following the visit at the neurologists office, how does the internet and the party react? Does Steve know someone posted about his breakdown?

Steve is actually the first to know about the video.

He doesn’t go to work the day after his breakdown. He’s physically and mentally exhausted, and neither Robin nor Eddie (nor Dustin, nor Ozzy) would allow him when his emotions are that compromised, but he goes the day after that.

Steve doesn’t even get through attendance in his first period before students are asking him if he’s going to die. He asks what they’re talking about and they mention the appointment. Steve thinks for one heartbreaking second that Eddie put something online about it, but then they show him the video and he’s devastated.

He’s angry and he’s embarrassed. He’s sad and he’s upset. He reassures his students that everything is fine (even if he can’t convince himself of the same thing) and he does it over and over every class period, and he goes through his day. He ignores the texts from Robin, from Dustin, from Eddie and the party as one by one, they see the video.

Steve’s not going to let the emotions waver into his voice after school when Eddie picks him up. He’s not going to see another video of himself crying on the internet so when Eddie asks if he’s okay, Steve doesn’t say anything at all. He doesn’t say anything when they get home either, not until Eddie says, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For – I know you saw it. I know you saw the video and I’m sorry because it’s my fault that people are filming you, and-“

“It’s not your fault,” Steve tells him and he means it. He means it even as the tears that have been burning his eyes all day finally fall. “It’s not your fault what other people do.”

There is already an uproar on the internet about filming people in crisis and posting it on the internet. There’s an uproar about treating celebrities like they’re actual people. There’s an uproar from fans, celebrities, ordinary people.

The Party all post to their socials about it and they’re clearly angry. Robin goes on a long rant about how fucked up it is to film someone in a doctor’s waiting room and also, maybe, illegal. Dustin encourages everybody to report the video if they see it and block the user, and if they haven’t seen it don’t seek it out. Max got suspended from Twitter for threatening the poster’s life.

Eddie remains eerily silent. His TikTok account remains touched. Some people speculate that he’s probably done with social media. Some think that he’s seeking legal advice. There are theories thrown all over the app, but Eddie’s doing none of that.

He’s barely thought about it at all because he knows what’s coming. Steve can’t be under this much stress and it not lead to something. So, he’s waiting. It’s either a seizure or a migraine, and turns out to be a migraine. A pretty bad one.

Eddie makes a video after he helps Steve into bed and all he says is if he sees another person film him or his family in public, he’ll break their fucking nose.

[hypnoneghoul]

sorry for requesting for like fifth time in a row lol

but!!! tiny dick dewdrop x our bigboy mounty? some degradation? humiliation? filth? 👉🏻👈🏻

i dont think i did what you expected of me... whoops

535 words, what's in the ask + anal

“What do you even want me to do with it? Hm?” the ghoul spat, poking the other’s dick with a single finger, as if it wasn’t even worth a normal touch.

“Please,” he whined, squeezing his eyes so hard it hurt. Not as much as his cock, though.

“Please what? You want to fuck me with it? Fat chance,” he scoffed from between his legs. “Mine is better. I should fuck you and ignore that pathetic thing of yours.”

“Fuck, I– I need it… something.”

“Mount, it’s too big!” Dewdrop laughed. Shame burned through Mountain’s entire body at all the cruel words the fire ghoul showered him in. He loved it. “It’s not gonna fit anywhere, what am I supposed to do?”

“It– it’s not, you know it’s not,” he pleaded, tears welling up in his eyes. “You can take it, you took it so many times, please, fire lily.”

“Absolutely not, I’m not splitting myself in half,” Dewdrop said and ran a finger up Mountain’s enormous cock once again, watching it twitch. “If you’d be a good whore you’d just take mine. It’s the perfect size.”

Mountain had truly no problem with that, he’d bottom any time and for anyone, really, but all this… humiliation went straight to his dick, leaving nothing but the want to be buried balls deep in Dewdrop in his actual head.

“If… if I do, will you– shit, will you j– jack me off?” the earth ghoul begged, even though he knew perfectly well what he’d hear.

“How? I can’t even wrap my hand around it, Mount,” Dewdrop deadpanned. “Humping the bed is your best chance.”

“I– I can do that, just please, do something, please,” he whined, hips canting upwards pathetically.

“Ugh, fine. Turn over,” Dewdrop rolled his eyes and watched with raised brows as the other clumsily got onto his front, moaning as his cock got trapped between his stomach and the bed. The fire ghoul reached for a bottle of lube and Mountain could hear him slicking up his dick. No touching him, though, and…

“I’ll show you what a good cock means,” he whispered as he leaned over the earth ghoul. “I don’t even need to stick my fingers in you. I can just fuck you, any time.”

With that the hot and sticky head of Dewdrop’s cock pressed against Mountain’s hole. He let out a broken noise and the fire ghoul started to push in, no resistance at all. He was right. He could just fuck him.

“Oh, fuck,” Mountain moaned, clutching the bedding with iron grip. Dewdrop rutted into him, more of a grind than actual fuck, but it was good. Too good, even, as the rolls of Dewdrop’s hips made his perfect little dick brush against the earth ghoul’s prostate in the most delicious way.

Dewdrop didn’t plan on shutting up, though, “Maybe we should just cut it off.”

Mountain would absolutely not last long if he continued talking and fucking him like that.

“It’s useless anyway.” Every thrust of the fire ghoul pushed Mountain’s dick into the bed, making devastating pleasure shoot right through him.

“You’d do better with a cunt and a clit. Another hole to fuck, at least.”

Mountain screamed.

[whatacaitastrophe]

Everything Has Changed - Chapter 6

Previous Chapter

Chapter Song Inspiration: "I Can See You" - Taylor Swift

Chapter Warnings: none

Spotify Playlist: Here

Author Notes: Thank you all so much for reading, reblogging, liking, and commenting on this fic (and the first one)! If you are interested in supporting me in other ways, I have a Ko-Fi link. ya girl has been behind on bills for two months and i've got a dog to feed, and every little bit helps <3

Chapter 6: Baby, If You Only Knew

Fallon shouldn’t be laughing. Firstly, laughing was incredibly painful. This was the primary reason that Fallon was desperately trying to hold in her laughter as the situation unfolded in front of her. Second, it was Astarion who was the misfortunate one who they were laughing at, and he would definitely be bothered by the fact that she laughed with Gale and Arabella. Then again, it wasn’t every day that her boyfriend was accidentally turned into a cat by her ex-boyfriend’s wild magic, so perhaps this was one of those rare moments where, despite her lover’s displeasure, laughing through the pain was acceptable. 

She didn’t need to be able to understand the meows coming from the fluffy white cat at her feet to know Astarion was furious. “Gods, to have a Potion of Animal Speaking on me right now,” Fallon giggled, wiping tears from her eyes. She looked between Gale and Arabella. “Do either of you have one?” 

“I do, actually.” Arabella offered, quickly standing up and rushing to her tent to grab the potion. 

“You know he’s never going to forgive you for this.” Fallon warned Gale, and the sorcerer chuckled. 

“I’d expect nothing less,” He shook his head. “Is it bad that I’m not sorry?” 

Fallon snorted, which earned them both a devastating glare and a hiss from the cat. “Maybe a little.” 

Arabella returned with the potion and handed the bottle to Fallon, who quickly uncapped it and swallowed down the potion in two gulps. 

A tingling sensation worked its way through her body and within moments, the angry meows coming out of the cat’s mouth were in Common. 

“Not sorry, I’ll show that bastard what not sorry looks like.” Astarion ranted as he paced and his tail lashed rapidly back and forth. 

“Are you okay, Astarion?” Fallon asked, trying to suppress her giggles once again now that she could speak with him. 

“Don’t bother holding back your laughter now, darling, it didn’t stop you before,” He huffed. “If by ‘okay’ you mean 'not at risk of being burned to a crisp by the sun', then yes, it appears I’m fine! But if you’re concern is regarding the fact that Gale turned me into a bloody fucking house cat, then no, I am ABSOLUTELY NOT FINE!” 

The last time Astarion shrieked at her like this, it was when Fallon accidentally locked him in the Githyanki creche after she and Shadowheart convinced him to steal The Blood of Lathander, and the building exploded with Astarion still inside. The effect was lessened, however, by his current fluffy situation.“Well at least we know you’re not a vampiric cat.” She offered, trying to find the silver lining of this situation. 

“Tell him to change me back this instant, or I will shred his pillow.” Astarion demanded, ignoring her optimism. 

Fallon looked at Gale. “Do you think you can turn him back?”

Gale shook his head. “I’m not even sure how he got turned in the first place, so, no. I don’t think I can.”

“Perfect, just bloody perfect.” Astarion growled, and Fallon offered him a sympathetic look. 

“Any ideas, Arabella?” Gale inquired of the teenager, a slight blush creeping back into his cheeks at the embarrassment of having to ask someone more than half his age for advice about magic. 

She shrugged. “I could try, but transformational magic that complex isn’t something I’ve done much of, so I could end up just making it worse.” 

“Yes, let’s not leave my fate to the teenager, thank you.” Astarion hopped up onto the log and perched next to Fallon. 

“He said no,” Fallon summarized, leaving Astarion’s passive aggressive insult out. Instinctively she reached over and began scratching behind Astarion’s ears, like she would with any other animal. “Is it any comfort to know that you’re an extremely handsome cat?” It was a hilariously awkward situation, but maybe if she could appeal to Astarion’s vanity he would calm down enough so he wouldn’t hurt Gale once he was human again. 

Astarion huffed again. “I know what you’re doing, and no, it is not,” He pressed his furry head into Fallon’s palm and purred. “Though that feels nice.” 

Fallon continued scratching behind Astarion’s ears, and kissed the top of his head. “So none of us have any idea how long this is going to last?” 

Arabella and Gale shook their heads, and Fallon sighed. “Well, at least we weren’t planning on traveling today anyway.” 

“Gale, would you like me to show you some more basic spells while we wait for Astarion to turn back? That way, you’ll at least be able to defend yourself when he tries to murder you.” Arabella offered.

Gale glared at the teenager. “Yes, that would be most appreciated, thank you.” He replied dryly before turning his attention to Astarion. “Astarion, I do hope you know that I didn’t turn you into a cat on purpose, and that you will consider this fact before maiming me or my belongings.” 

“I’ll maim whoever the fuck I want, I got turned into a bloody cat.” Astarion hissed, and Gale flinched. 

“He said he’ll think about it.” Fallon grinned, giggling again at the sight of a grown man being afraid of a cat. 

“Don’t lie to him.” Astarion ordered her as Gale walked away with Arabella. 

“You’re not really going to hurt him, are you?” Fallon asked, scooping Astarion up into her arms and carrying him back to their tent so she could lay down. She might as well spend their rest day curled up with a book, and a cat in her lap. “It kind of feels like bullying a toddler, with the way he can barely control his magic right now.”

“Gods, will you ever stop trying to make me a better person?” Astarion whined.

“Probably not.” 

“Fine, on my honor, I will not harm the baby sorcerer.” Astarion rolled his eyes. Fallon didn’t know cats could do that. “Can I at least be a thorn in his side until I turn back?” 

“You don't need my permission, love, but why would you do that when you could stay here and have a cuddle with me?” Fallon set Astarion down on the ground once they were inside the tent, and sat down next to him. She scratched behind his ears again, and the cat purred. 

“Mmm tempting as that is, I think I’d rather be a nuisance to the man who turned me into a cat since you won’t let me kill him.” He licked her hand affectionately, and then trotted back out of the tent, leaving Fallon alone. She shook her head and picked up her book.

Over the next hour, every so often Fallon heard the sounds of something being knocked to the ground, followed by the sound of Arabella giggling and Gale snapping Astarion’s name. With each sound of an object clattering to the ground, the volume of Gale’s voice increased, as did his frustration. She knew that Gale didn’t have many personal items with him, so it was very likely that Astarion had taken it upon himself to repeatedly knock the same object over, much like a normal cat would. She would never say this to his face, but Fallon was of the opinion that Astarion made an excellent cat. He certainly had the right attitude. 

Fallon did not put her book down until she heard the telltale “wooshing” sound of transformational magic, followed shortly by a surprised shout from Gale and the sound of Astarion’s voice.

“Don’t you run from me, Gale!” Astarion shouted, and Fallon moved so quickly she barely had time to register the pain that shot through her body as she exited her tent to bear witness to whatever was happening outside. Arabella was standing between the grown men with a large force field surrounding her body, causing Gale and Astarion to run in circles around her as they tried to get to each other. A wide grin bloomed on Fallon’s face and she just stood there, watching, not bothering to intervene. Gale’s gaze fell to Fallon and lingered there a moment too long, grinning at her. That was when Astarion struck, tackling Gale to the ground. 

They tumbled in the dirt, wrestling each other like two schoolboys. Fallon looked at Arabella, and the tiefling shook her head. Whatever the goal was, neither Gale or Astarion seemed to have any intention of actually causing the other serious physical harm, so Fallon was inclined to just let them burn each other out. Fallon walked over to Arabella. “How was spell training?” She asked. 

“It actually went pretty well– Gale is a fast learner. Of course, we didn’t get through many of them, thanks to Catstarion causing chaos.” Arabella giggled, her eyes still on the men in the dirt. “I don’t remember the two of them being this…combative the last time I saw you all.” 

Fallon laughed once. “You’ve missed a lot.” 

“I mean, I had a feeling since you’re sharing a tent with Astarion now, and not Gale.” Fallon had forgotten that the last time Arabella shared a camp with them all, Fallon had been in a relationship with Gale. 

“Fair enough,” She conceded. Fallon turned her head to look at Arabella. “Did you see Gale blush earlier when you asked if they kissed?” Fallon needed to be certain she hadn’t been the only one to notice. She’d heard the way Gale flirted with Astarion the night the vampire called him Fallon’s new stray dog, reminding him that Astarion loved Scratch, too, but Fallon had assumed that was just to shake Astarion’s confidence and confuse him. 

“Oh, he totally blushed.” Arabella confirmed. “Do you think they have? Kissed?” 

Fallon went quiet for a moment and turned her attention back to Gale and Astarion wrestling. As Astarion’s partner, the thought of him kissing someone else, especially her ex-boyfriend, should bother her. Only…it didn’t. When she pictured Astarion and Gale kissing, it wasn’t an unwelcome sight. Her mind drifted and the picture in her mind shifted. Fallon pictured herself between Astarion and Gale, their hands roaming over her body as they kissed each other, and she could feel her body heating at the thought. After perhaps a second of hesitation too long, Fallon shook her head to rid herself of the fantasy and to deny Arabella’s question. “Definitely not. Astarion can barely stand to be around the same campfire as Gale. It would never happen.”

Gale and Astarion had finally slowed, as Gale had finally tapped out and apologized to Astarion for turning him into a cat. As they lay on the ground next to each other panting, another image flashed through Fallon’s mind: the two of them laying next to each other, panting because they’d just satisfied her so thoroughly she couldn’t remember her own name. Fallon’s heartbeat picked up as treacherous arousal bloomed inside of her. No, she wouldn’t mind any of those things at all. 

Well, she thought to herself. That’s going to be a problem. 

Chapter List

[the-teddy-bear-butch]

Hey I have nothing better to do, here’s some fic recs for y’all!!

If you have followed me for any amount of time you know which one I’m about to lose my mind over—

Bloodletting by agentgenevra / @agentgenevra

Nancy is a vampire hunter… And also a vampire. Robin is a vampire. The plot of this fic is SO incredibly woven, I am NOT kidding guys. Every character has their place, and everything connects in just the coolest way. I’m literally obsessed. The slow burn dynamic between Robin and Nancy is incredible and full of tension as well! I am feral about this fic.

dancing in the moonlight by summersociety

Nancy is a monster hunter and Robin is a werewolf. This fic is the PERFECT mix of wacky and serious and I adore it for that. The tension is incredible, I would kill for the side characters, the internal struggle for Robin is so well written! The way this author writes for the werewolf in a different way is such a cool creative choice. This fic will have you crying over “aroo.” Just saying.

a never ending story by summersociety

Robin and Nancy play D&D and their in game romance definitely has nothing to do with Nancy having a big fat crush on Robin. Their dynamic in game and out of game is just so lovely and we love a little comphet Wheeler. Plus!!! This author just has some very poetic writing and I adore it

Raise Dead by EskaWrites / @eskawrites

Robin died in the Upside-Down. Nancy is grieving, but the kids are scheming. One (1) fic has brought actual tears to my eyes. I don’t usually cry over media but this one will pull at the heart strings. Go in knowing that this fic will devastate you, but it will fix you afterwards. I found myself holding my breath through some of the more intense portions, and the way this writer describes Nancy’s grief and uses symbolism just broke my heart.

you’re the reason that i’m hanging on by EskaWrites / @eskawrites

Robin gets Vecna’d. INCREDIBLE angst, I don’t want to say too much and spoil it, but the dynamics are wonderful and the ending is fantastic.

choke up (on my bat and on your heart) by gfbuckleyxwheeler / @werewolfxwheeler

As a bitch who didn’t think I’d be into sports aus, this fic!!! Ronance are on a softball team and they have a wonderful hate/love relationship and I adore it!! And Max and Chrissy are both lovely in this au <333 Em also has a wonderful blog here, please check them out!

feels like I’ve been gettin’ anointed (ever since the day that I met you) by khalasaar / @sapphicriley

Catholic school au with the partner project trope PLEASE. This one is spicy. The writing is incredible, the tension is fantastic, and also I think you can tell she writes/reads poetry in her writing, which I happen to think is cool as shit. Inappropriate use of religious imagery my beloved <333 Did I mention tension—

put me in the movies (on a king sized silver screen) by khalasaar / @sapphicriley

Robin works at a drive in theatre and Nancy keeps visiting her because she’s a dumb lesbian. This is one of my favorite fluffy, sweet stories, oh my god. They are so!!! I want to squeeze them. Their dynamic and their banter and Nancy being So Totally Smooth is the best. I need to reread this one

Handle With Care by ElFandomBirb / @el-fandom-birb

Centering around Robin thinking about love and her Handle with Care patch. Oh. My. God. The types of love actually killed me, this fic is so soft and so sweet. Repetition as a plot device!!! Seriously one of my favorite one shots. Also another great Ronance blog

400 Bones [series] by DearApparition / @anxiouswerewolf

You want to read some of the most delicious angst out there? Here you go. Ronance is messy and angsty but they’re there for each other and I could easily cry about any of the fics in this series

here and wherever you are by penguinwritesbooks

The Half Of It au. Steve recruits Robin to write love letters to Nancy. One of my favorite movies and my favorite ship lovingly rolled into one. Everything feels very true to the characters and the dynamics without being a scene by scene retelling!! There’s a Steddie sequel if that’s your thing

[thatdammchickennugget]

CONGRATS ON 1500 MARIIII. you deserve all this and more, i’m so proud of you, baby.

i would like to be paired with theo and stiles (romantic) 🥰🥰

i’m black with brown eyes, i’m 5’0, curly hair (when i actually put in the work for it 😭), and i have a small mole on my jawline. i think you know my body type 😭😭

i love poetry, music, reading, watching the sunset, i wear silver jewelry all the time, and my favorite color is royal blue. i love animals but im terrified of spiders and clowns. im usually in shorts, skirts, or dresses if it warm. i hate the winter.

i think my favorite trope right now is friends with benefits to lovers 🤍

THANK YOU SWEET GIRL 💕💕 I love you jaybear💕

Teen Wolf; Romantic Match-Up: Stiles Stilinski

stiles couldn't help but be intrigued by you from the moment he first saw you in the school hallway. your love for poetry, music, and the silver jewelry that adorned you like a talisman set you apart from the other students, drawing his attention in a way he couldn't quite explain.

with late-night study sessions and shared playlists, your friendship quickly blossomed into something more, even if both of you refused to see it. but as the supernatural threats in beacon hills grew, so did the bond between you, forged in the heat of danger and the glow of friendship.

the chemistry between you and stiles was undeniable. he found solace in your presence, reassured by your unwavering loyalty and quick wit, even as his own feelings for you deepened amidst the chaos unfolding in front of you.

despite the undeniable chemistry between you and stiles, both of you danced around your feelings, afraid to acknowledge the growing attraction that simmered beneath the surface. stiles attempted to bury his feelings beneath a facade of sarcasm and humor, but he couldn't deny the depths of his affection for you. he found himself drawn to you in ways he couldn't explain, his heart yearning for the warmth of your touch and the comfort of your presence amidst the chaos that surrounded you.

but as the darkness of beacon hills threatened to consume you both, a rift began to form between you, fueled by fear and uncertainty. words were left unsaid, misunderstandings left unresolved, and before you knew it, the bond that had once felt unbreakable began to fray at the edges.

it wasn't until the nogitsune's reign of terror descended upon the town, with stiles becoming possessed by the dark entity, that everything came to a head. tthe void Stiles emerged as a formidable threat, his actions tearing through the fabric of your reality and leaving devastation in his wake.

in the aftermath of this defeat, with your friends still reeling from the chaos and destruction left in its wake, you and stiles found yourselves confronting the truth of your feelings in the midst of the turmoil. with the weight of your unspoken emotions pressing down, you bared your souls to each other, laying bare the depth of your feelings in a moment of raw vulnerability.

Song: Darkside by Grandson

Harry Potter; Romantic Match-Up: Theodore Nott

theo was initially drawn to you by the aura of mystery that surrounded you, your love for poetry and music adding to your enigmatic charm. he found himself captivated by the way you spoke of the world with such depth and emotion, drawn to the silver jewelry that adorned you like armor.

your friendship with Theodore started innocently enough, bonding over shared interests in literature and music. but as the sun dipped below the horizon and the stars emerged in the night sky, something shifted between you, a spark of attraction that neither of you could deny.

even though you weren’t officially his, theo found himself becoming your protector, offering you comfort and reassurance whenever you needed it. he admired your strength and resilience, your willingness to face your fears head-on, even as his own feelings for you continued to deepen.

the transition from friends to friends with benefits to lovers was gradual, a slow burn fueled by stolen moments and lingering glances. it started with late-night conversations that turned into passionate entanglements, each touch igniting a firestorm of desire that neither of you could ignore.

theo cherished the way you looked in your royal blue uniform, the color bringing out the warmth in your eyes and the softness of your skin. He found himself drawn to you like a moth to a flame, unable to resist the pull of your magnetic presence.

despite your initial hesitation to dive into a romantic relationship, his unwavering presence and protectiveness gradually wore down your defenses. you found solace in his arms, reassured by his steady support and the depth of his affection for you.

theo’s admiration for you only grew stronger with each passing day, his love for you blossoming like a rose in bloom. he cherished the moments you shared, from stolen kisses beneath the stars to whispered confessions of love in the quiet of the night.

your mutual love for poetry and music became the soundtrack to your burgeoning romance, weaving a tapestry of emotion and desire that bound you together. you found refuge in the lyrics of love songs and the verses of passionate poetry, each word a reflection of the depth of your connection.

Song: Friends by Chase Atlantic

[scattered-winter]

“Pidge, do you know what’s going on with Keith?” Lance rested his hands on his hips, giving the girl a stern look. “You have that look on your face.”

“What look?”

“The ‘I know something and I’m trying really really hard not to say it’ look!” Lance poked a finger into her face. “You know something about why Keith’s acting so…Keith-y!”

“It’s Keith,” Hunk pointed out. “Isn’t being emo and antisocial like, his thing?”

“He’s been gone for days,” Lance said. “Days. He’s not answering his scroll, and nobody has seen him, not even Shiro! Does anyone else find that a little concerning?”

“Of course I’m worried!” Hunk protested. “But I don’t know why you’re interrogating Pidge about it!”

“Because,” Lance said slowly, turning to jab a finger at Pidge again, “she knows something we don’t.”

Pidge’s eyes darted between them before her shoulders slumped. “Okay. Yeah. I—I promised I would keep it a secret, but…” Her brows drew together, and she bit her lower lip. “I’m worried about him. I think…I think he might have gotten into trouble.”

Lance arched a brow. “Keith. In trouble. Gods, Pidge, I can’t imagine that.” His voice was flat and humorless.

Pidge glared at him. “He could be in more trouble than you can imagine,” she said, voice low. “Real, actual trouble.”

There was no denying the serious expression on her face.

“What kind of trouble?” Hunk looked nervous, obviously picking up on Pidge’s distress.

Pidge hesitated. Then she drew in a steadying breath, squared her shoulders, and said, “Keith’s a Faunus.”

A beat.

“What?” Lance leaned away from Pidge like she’d burned him.

Hunk looked equally shocked. “What kind?”

“Cat. I think.” Pidge managed a small smile. “The ears are pretty cute, but he’d kill me if I told him that.”

“Ears?” Lance shrieked, eyes bugging out of his head.

Pidge slapped a hand over his mouth. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you,” she hissed. “So I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell everyone in the fucking building!”

Hunk shook his head. “No, no. He can’t be a Faunus! He doesn’t have cat ears, he wears a…hood…”

Slowly, the color drained from his face.

“Oh my gods. He really is a Faunus, isn’t he?”

“Why is he lying to us about it?” Lance flung his arms into the air. “Why the fuck wouldn’t he tell us he’s a Faunus? And how would that get him into trouble?”

Pidge’s shoulders dropped, curling inward. “I…it’s complicated.”

“Why?” Lance demanded. “How is lying to his team complicated?”

Pidge seemed to gather her courage, drawing herself up to look Lance in the eye. “He’s a member of the Blades of Marmora.”

Behind Lance, Hunk sucked in an audible breath. “Oh. Oh.”

Lance said nothing, but his entire body tensed at the name like he was under attack.

“Lance, it’s not what you think—” Pidge began, voice desperate.

“What is he doing here, Pidge?” Lance’s voice was low and dangerous; there was no more humor in it, no more messing around. This was the voice he used when he was fighting.

Pidge wilted, wrapping her arms around herself like it could protect her from the truth. “I don’t know,” she said softly. “But I—I know Keith. I know he isn’t here to—to hurt anyone. He’s…he’s not like that.”

Lance curled his lips into a snarl. “How do you know that? We’ve known him for, what? A few weeks? How do we know he isn’t like the bastards that killed my family?”

Pidge’s eyes were bright with tears, and Hunk had one hand pressed over his mouth.

“I…I just think we should give him time to explain,” she whispered. “He deserves that much.”

Lance ground his teeth so hard he thought they might crack. “I don’t want to listen to what he has to say,” he snarled. “We need to go to the police.”

“You’re turning him in?” Hunk cried, dismayed.

Lance whirled on him. “You’re not?” He threw out his arms, unable to believe what he was hearing. “Hunk, he’s a Blade! We can’t trust him! He’s here to do something awful, I just know it!”

Hunk looked devastated; tears glistened in his eyes, and he looked sorrowfully at Lance. “Yeah. He’s a Blade. But…” He heaved a great sigh. “He’s our teammate, too. He’s saved our lives more times than any of us can count. He’s our friend. We need to at least hear him out.”

Lance was shaking, head snapping back and forth between them. He let out an incredulous, humorless laugh. “I can’t believe you two. You’re really trusting a Blade? A Blade?”

“We’re not asking you to trust him,” Pidge said quietly. She looked up, pinning Lance in place with amber eyes. “We’re just asking you to…not turn him in. At least until we’ve had a chance to talk to him.”

Lance pressed his lips together. A whirlwind of familiar emotions—grief, fear, rage—swirled in his gut, battering him like stormy waves pushing a ship out to sea.

But he knew Pidge was right. Keith had had their backs in too many fights to count. He’d had plenty of opportunities to harm them, but hadn’t. Of course, he could simply be biding his time, waiting for the right moment…but despite all the rage, all the desire for vengeance…Lance couldn’t deny that he needed to hear Keith’s side of the story first.

Slowly, he unclenched his fists and relaxed his shoulders. “Fine.” His voice came out as a low growl. “But once we’re done hearing him out, it’s time to tell the police.”

Pidge looked unhappy, but nodded reluctantly.

Hunk squeezed Lance’s shoulder, ignoring how he tensed up again. “Come on. Let’s go look for him.”

---------

RWBY AU RAHHHHHHHHHHH

[blueshistorysims]

David died in the night, unable to break the fever that had consumed his poor young body. Rose was devastated, weeping by his bedside for hours. It was Peter and poor Rebecca that had to tell the weakening Edwin of his younger son’s death. It seemed to be the final blow for Edwin, whose body had fought so much for life, gave up after hearing his little boy was dead. For three painstaking nights and three pain-staking days, Rose, Peter, and Rebecca watched him wither away, and when Dr. Ingall arrived that morning, he informed them to say their final goodbyes. Mr. Walsh wouldn’t last the day.

“Edwin, my darling,” Rose whispered, brushing his ear gently. 

Weakly, her husband hummed in acknowledgment, too weak to even open his eyes.

“I’m here, Father,” Peter said gently, taking his father’s hand in his. 

“Oh, I wish we could have grown old together,” she lamented, tears in her eyes. “I would do anything to have you and David here.” She chuckled, tears spilling off her cheek. “I would even change our bedroom wallpaper and blankets—I know how much you hated the bombardment of roses.” She leaned forward and kissed his forehead gently. “I’m your only Rose, and I shall be for the rest of your life and mine.”

“I love you, Papa,” Peter uttered, his throat closing up. “Will you te-tell David that I am still angry I have lost my favorite chess partner? And how much I miss him?”

He sighed and a strange smile fell upon his face.

Rose leaned forward and kissed his burning lips. “We shall be fine, my dear. Be at peace now.” 

And with a final shaky breath, Edwin Bernard Walsh III died.

~~~

The funeral service was small as Edwin had bequeathed in his will. Rose, Peter, Rebecca, and Mr. and Mrs. Kingsley were the only people who attended the actual service while his wake had been on a much larger scale. Rose felt relieved by the intimacy of the service. To say her final goodbyes to her husband and youngest child was a private affair she did not want many to witness. 

She hated how bright and sunny it was that summer afternoon, as if the weather did not understand her pain. Rare for England, to have a sunny day without a cloud in the sky, and a cruel thought on her husband’s and son’s funeral.

She gently placed the wreath of flowers on David's headstone and sighed, a single tear pouring down her face. “Rest well, my little one,” she uttered quietly before turning to her husband's grave. "I shall love you always. Keep well, my dear."

AN: A very depressing note to end the 1880s :( next post will be the start of the 1890s! Also yes I changed the filters again y'all I just want some reshade-esque stuff for the mac

[rosenallies]

h/c scenario prompts 16 “hiding an injury” 13 “broken ribs” and 22 “hurts to breathe” with Sick Au (wild combination I know and I’m sorry 😭)Jane is a daredevil especially when they’re not with Nat and her family. So they do some stupid shit at a party and end up falling and get really hurt. She can’t tell her parents and doesn’t want to bother Nat’s so she just pretends she didn’t injure herself ☹️ but Synthia is obviously no stranger to hiding being in pain and calls her out

Sorry this is late asf <333 but ty for sending this in bestie <3

——

“Jane?” Synthia whispered, passing by her in the hallway, his daughter’s partner avoiding his gaze.

“Hey.”

“Can I talk to you?”

Jane sucked in a breath, unable to hide the wince in her voice. “Yeah, sure,” she croaked, a sinking feeling about what it was about.

He pulled her aside gently, ushering her into the guest bedroom so they could talk privately.

“Are you sick?” He said, cutting to the chase, “you’ve been short of breath lately and you just look like you’re in pain and-and I know what it’s like to hide feeling ill but you deserve to feel better. I can take you to my doctor if you want to, but you’re going to need to tell Natalie, she’d be devastated if anything happened.”

“No-I,” she sighed, lifting up her sweater, revealing large purple bruises spreading along her sides and her ribs, peeking out from underneath her binder. “I got hurt.”

“Oh, Jane, what happened?”

Their face burned with embarrassment. “I-I went to a party and I maybe had a little too much to drink and jumped into a pool. I misjudged how close the step was.”

“Oh god, Jane you could have died,” he breathed, “you could have hit your head.”

“I know, I know. I just-“ tears welled up in her eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Can we tell Nat? She’s gonna want to check you out.”

Jane huffed, damn her doctor wife. “She’s gonna be so disappointed. She didn’t want me going to that party anyway, she thinks my college friends are shitty people and they kind of are but I just -sometimes it scares me how grown up we all are. I mean, I love my life and I love Natalie but sometimes I miss being younger before we had all these responsibilities.”

Synthia nodded along. “I understand, but none of that is worth getting you hurt over. I was the same way when I first got sick, I just physically couldn’t do anything about it because I was stuck in bed all the time. But I really think you should tell Natalie.”

“Okay,” Jane whispered, hanging her head and trying not to cry. Natalie’s disapproval would likely hurt 10x more than her injuries.

“One more thing though,” Synthia said, Jane looking up, “I know you like to wear it, but you really shouldn’t be wearing your binder right now. It’s got to be making it so much worse.”

“Oh I- yeah, it is.”

Squeezing her hand, Synthia smiled sympathetically. “Let’s go talk to Nat and she can help you take it off, okay? She’s a doctor, she has gentle hands.”

If Jane was feeling like herself she would have made a crude joke to herself in her head, face reddened as she tried not to laugh, but her mind didn’t even go there, she only thought about the disappointment on her wife’s face when she tells her.

As well as he could, Synthia helped Jane to the kitchen where Kendall and Natalie were engrossed in a card game, Gia laughing along as they played, poking fun at one another.

The energy changed when Synthia and Jane walked in, the three at the table looking up at them with concern.

“Dad, are you okay?” Natalie asked, crossing the kitchen to him, placing a hand on his bony back, “do you need anything?”

“Um, actually,” Jane spoke up, anxiety radiating off her, “can you-um, can you check me out, Nat? I, uh, kinda got hurt.”

Natalie’s eyes went wide. “What happened? Did you trip in the bathroom?” She looked to her parents, “I’ve been begging you guys to please fix that uneven tile in the bathroom! It’s dangerous!”

“No, Natalie,” Jane said, shaking her head, “can we please go to the guest bedroom?”

Nerves flared in Natalie’s belly as she nodded, following Jane slowly down the hallway. She sat on the bed beside Jane and grabbed her hand. “What happened?”

Jane took a shaky breath, lifting up her sweater to show her all the bruising that crept down her chest and side.

“Oh god,baby, what happened? You probably have a broken rib or two, has it been hurting to breathe?”

“Yeah, kind of,” she admitted.

Looking closely at some of the bruises, Natalie noticed they were yellowing around the edges, meaning they weren’t fresh. “Jane, when did this happen? Some of these are already yellowing.”

Jane stared at her hands in her lap, fiddling with her rings. “Last week, at the party. I know you said my college friends are no good, but I just-I wanted to go and I’m sorry I let them convince me to jump in the pool, it was stupid. Your dad was right I could have died and-and-“

“Hey,” Natalie interrupted, “I’m not mad. I’m just worried about you being hurt. How come you didn’t tell me? You’ve been in pain for a week and I didn’t even know!”

Guilt swirled in Jane’s chest, her wife’s voice so soft and hurt. She knew if she looked at her there’d be tears in those brown eyes. “I didn’t want you to be angry with me.”

“God, baby, I would never be angry at you for being hurt. Ever.”

Jane nodded, wiping her own tears that spilled hot down her cheeks. “Okay.”

“Let’s get you home, baby, and I’ll take care of you, okay? I’ll write you a prescription for some pain meds and we can pick it up on the way home. And Janey, I hate to say it, but doctor’s orders, you need to not wear your binder for a while.”

“I know, that’s what your dad said. Can you help?”

“Yeah, c’mere.”

Natalie helped her take off her sweater, so gentle and tender, though she gasped softly when she saw how banged up Jane really was. “Oh honey,” she cooed, heart dropping at the sight of her.

She tutted softly as she helped her take off her binder, even gentler than before. Jane instinctively went to cover her chest, but Natalie stopped her, taking off her own oversized crewneck and handing it to Jane. “Here, this should be big enough to cover you. You’re gonna need to wear looser stuff for a while.”

Grateful, Jane slipped it on, Natalie doing the same with the sweater Jane had on.

“There,” Natalie smiled softly, “ready to head home?”

“Yeah, oh and Nat? Thanks for not being upset with me, I know it was a stupid thing to do.”

Natalie smiled, helping her partner off the edge of the bed, cupping her face in her hands. “It was, but we can joke about that when you’re feeling all better, okay?”

If she wasn’t in such pain, Jane would have tackled Natalie to the bed with kisses, but she settled with a short peck on the lips, one that required little movement. “I love you.”

Natalie squeezed her hand, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I love you too.”

[nevvaraven]

omg you watched oth ? I love that, please tell me all your favourite characters, plots, anything - I miss it 😭

Anon you sweet sweet beautiful soul thank you so much for asking I am about to become unbearable,

Top 5 Favourite characters:

Brooke Penelope Davis - The light of my life, my first true love, the woman I have aspired to be my entire life, she is my joker. Her entire storyline from the whole peyton/Lucas/Brooke triangle I was always and forever on her side, she was a class act, she always knew her worth and in being happy for her best friend and ex boyfriend she remains the classiest and most humble woman in TV history and no one deserves the happy ending she got with Julian and the twins, more than she does, and she invented girl bossing, she was a millionaire business owner before she was even 25 and she did it all herself. Female excellence.

Haley James Scott - the first mother to ever mother, she can honestly do no wrong in my eyes, tutor girl should’ve ruled the world (the only reason she’s not number 1 is because of the disaster that was season 2/Chris Keller debacle but we don’t like to talk about that) but yes Haley James Scott the woman that you are 🧎‍♀️

Quentin Fields - to this day I have never gotten over him, he had such a short time on the show and he made the biggest impact, his relationship with Jamie and the way things ended omg I’m tearing up even writing this but I miss him sm his character was one of the greats 

Mouth McFadden - he is my sweetheart, i would burn the entire world for him, he is just the most wholesome character I’ve ever known and he just means everything to me

Skills - he was a ride or die kind of person and there isn’t a single scene he didn’t own, I love his character 

(Special mention to Chris Keller cause his character in the later seasons was just 👏🏼👏🏼 he was hilarious and I miss him) 

Favourite plot lines

Okay so I love the intense story lines sm and I enjoy the angst more than what is considered healthy so: 

Dan and Keith - I’m such a sucker for siblings and this storyline, I still think it’s one of the greatest and devastating moments in TV History, the relationships with Karen and Lucas and the way Dan changed after season 9 and how he repented about what he’d done, and Keith 😭 I have never cried as hard as I did that day (you know what day I’m talking about anon babe you know.) The intensity and angst of this storyline and the way it ended, yeah it’s always going to be my favourite

Nannie Carrie - omg 9 year old me was terrified of this woman, the whole kidnapping plot, the chase scene, Haley kicking her ass every time it was immaculate - 

Clay and Logan - I never saw it coming is the thing, I always just thought the relationship was so adorable at the start and then what it was revealed who he actually was 😧 it was a moment, and the relationship between Logan, Clay and Quinn afterwards 😭😭 it was so sweet I could die honestly.

Dan’s entire redemption ark - I have never hated and loved a character the way I did with him. The first half of the show I would’ve happily shot him myself but by the end ? No one has since done a redemption the way Dan Scott did. I loved him at the end and 9 year old me would’ve been appalled at how much I cried at his ending. 

Nathan’s kidnapping - this storyline. Omg this storyline, I went through every emotion going, the Naley feels, the genuine fear I had over my TV husband being in danger, the way it set up the Dan Scott Redemption, that scene where Haley has to go identify a body and then the scene where they reunite in the hospital, 🤚I sobbed, I still sob, I can’t listen to the Florence and the machine without getting emotional to this day. 

Honestly Anon my sweets I very rarely find other OTH enthusiasts so this was a great moment and I could babble about this show forever, seriously this was like the top of the iceberg, it will always be my favourite, forehead kissing you rn because I just had a lot of fun writing that all out and now I need to go re watch it all ! 

[thegreenleavesofspring]

*siiiiiigh* I forgot to actually, y'know, post this here the other day... so a day late and a dollar short it is...

Findekáno – or Fingon, he said he was called now – opened the tent flap and peeked in. “Good morning, Maedhros,” he said with a small, bright smile. “You have visitors, do you feel up to them?”

Russan- Maedhros eyed his cousin warily. He could guess well enough what his uncle’s people thought of him, but Finde- Fingon wouldn’t permit angry Elves demanding restitution or satisfaction in here now while he was recovering. And Fingon was smiling.

“I suppose,” he answered cautiously.

Fingon grinned and stepped back, speaking to someone outside. “Remember to be gentle, he’s still recovering.” A moment later, half a dozen very familiar Elves piled in through the flap, then stopped and stood hesitantly right inside the doorway, shifting eyes darting across his wounds or the bed or his face, but never quite meeting his eyes. He stared at them in silence, brows knit – he was hideous now, he knew, and he didn’t blame his brothers for not wanting to look at him, but something deep inside curled up and wailed in devastation anyway.

Laurë – Fingon said he was called Maglor now – was the first to break, stepping forward to drop to his knees beside the bed with a gasp. “Nelyo, Nelyo, I’m so sorry.” He bent his head, pressing his forehead to the blankets as Maedhros blinked in stunned astonishment. “I should have come for you, I shouldn’t have left you to languish, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry-”

“Laurë.” Maedhros cut across his younger brother’s babbling, wincing internally at the rasp his voice had become. “Laurë, listen to me. I am glad you did not. Moringotto would only have captured and tortured you as well. Fingon has told me about your regency. You have done well, brother.”

A tremor shook Maglor, and he looked up, finally meeting his elder brother’s eyes. “I’m still sorry,” he murmured wetly, then reached out and gently took the stump of Maedhros’ right arm and kissed it, right above the wrist. “Oh, Nelyo, it’s so good to have you back.”

Maedhros blinked away burning tears of his own, keeping his face still. “I am not the Nelyo you remember, Laurë. My mind and body both are very different.”

“We know.” Tyelkormo finally spoke up, taking a step forward towards the bed. “But you’re still alive, you’re still here. And… that’s more than we ever dared hope for.”

Maedhros looked over towards his brothers rather blankly. Most of them were still huddled right in front of the door flap, too frightened to look at him or disgusted, and suddenly he felt very, very tired. “Yes,” he murmured wearily. “I am still here.”

Maglor surged up from the side of the bed to fling his arms around Maedhros. “I love you, Nelyo, no matter what, we will always love you,” Maglor declared fiercely.

Maedhros wrapped shaking arms around his brother. “I… I love you too, Laurë,” he murmured.

There was a sudden rush of movement, and he froze, stunned, blinking at the linen walls. All five of his other brothers had moved forward as one to smother him in affection, perching on the bed or leaning over it or shoving each other out of the way to try and get to him. Curufinwë attempted, unsuccessfully, to peel Maglor off, and ended up elbowing Ambarussa aside instead.

“We love you, Nelyo, we love you so much.” “We’ll always love you.” “We’re so glad you’re back.” “We missed you so much.” “We’ll take care of you, now, don’t worry.” “Just heal and get better.” “We love you.” “We love you.” “We love you.”

Swallowing down tears, Maedhros reached out as far as he could, and wrapped as many of his brothers as he could into a tight hug, holding them close.

[glorythemermaid]

I stumbled into an old picture. It was taken way back 2013. Actually it was an album, with pictures of me and my highschool classmates. I keep scrolling and checking the photos, and suddenly I had this warm feeling in my chest. Tears formed in my eyes.

Before I can’t wait to grow up, conquer the world, travel, work, earn money and alot of other things. Now? I just want to be 15 again. To wake up early in the morning, take a shower, eat breakfast and off to school. Sit through boring classes, pave my way to crowded cafeteria to buy junkfoods and ice cream. Chat with my friends, giggle everytime a cute boy walks by. Fall inlove, get my heart broken and fall in love again. I still remember when I got my first heartbreak. How devastated I was. And how long it took me to move on. I remember my first kiss, how it happened. A lot of my first happened in highschool.

How the time flew. Little did I know I’m 25, and things that used to bring me joy is now a luxury. Alot of things changed as well, the people who I used to talked to everyday is no longer part of my life. A lot of bridges has been burned down. My friends and I rarely talk to each other and it’s been months since I saw them.

Some of my friends got married, some already have their own family. Some have a business, some works non stop. As I grew older, I keep thinking how my life was so great, and how I took it for granted. How I tried to be someone I’m not just to fit in. To be clear, my life was not perfect, but it’s the best.

I’ve met the best people, who I became friends with. And up to this day we’re still friends. I’ve became their children’s Godmother, I became the maid of honor in one of my friends wedding.

How fun it is to be young, the adventures we took. The tears we shed. It molded us who we are today. And the only thing I regret was I took it for granted, I wish I enjoyed my youth, I wished that I didn’t grew up too fast. I wished that I lived my life to the fullest.

[heartsiez]

ALONE.

⌗ ayato and gn!reader

⌗ angst, small yandere behaviour and swearing

— ayato

“i’m about to head back now, are you able to come with me?” you asked your husband.

“mhm..” was all you heard back, he wasn’t even listening. he never listens. even when he does have time to, ayato is always off in his own world, thinking about something work related.

you can’t blame him, it’s really all he ever does. but he has a spouse, can’t he ever pay attention to you, is it that hard? he’s the reason you go home alone, sad, angry, embarrassed. though, sometimes you're glad he doesn't come home with you because if he did, he'd see you completely break down.

you shouldn’t have to feel like this, you should be able to feel happy and warm inside, butterflies in your stomach like they were at the start of your relationship. but you don’t have those feelings anymore. you don’t have any or anything left for him anymore. oh, how you wished he tried but he never did and you’ve had enough.

when he finally got home you’d plan to tell him that you want a divorce and how you’ve been feeling. maybe this will get him to listen, for him to hear your voice.

as night befalls you hear the door open, sighing to yourself you got mentally prepared, chest heavy and guilty feelings inside you. you near the door to your bedroom, looking at it one more time before walking out and meeting ayato.

when he spots you, a small smile pops up on his face, “hello my love, i’ve missed you so much.” ayato tries to bring you in for a hug but you push him away, leaving him to raise an eyebrow at you.

“look, i..” you hesitate, “i want a divorce.”

ayato looks at you and pauses for a moment before he starts laughing. “funny prank sweetie, i know what you’re doing. you always did these at the start of our relationship.”

you glare at him, “what? this isn’t a prank i’m being serious.” he looks down at you then starts to walk away. “i’m not stupid y/n, you can stop.” you were starting to get angry, he’s not listening again when you really thought he would. even such a serious topic makes him think so little of you? pathetic.

ayato turns around from where he’s standing and looks at you, head hung down and your fists clenched. he chuckles at the sight.

“oh, c’mon. don’t be mad i ruined your prank.” he says walking back to you, lifting your head up to look at him, “you’ve just got to try-" before he could finish, ayato felt a sting on his cheek and he froze up, giving you a look.

“stop, okay, stop! i’m being serious, this isn’t a stupid prank. you’re not even listening, in fact you never listen. i want this because all you do is neglect me. you ignore me, you never pay attention to me, never listen to what i’m trying to say and not once have you actually tried in this relationship and i’m so sick of it! i go home everyday and cry myself to sleep knowing you don’t give two shits and i’m so done, i want out, out of whatever.. this is.” you gestured your hands between the both of you.

your face is starting to be covered with tears, your throat burns, but you’re so glad you’ve got it all out. though ayato isn’t. “what?” is all he’s able to muster out. he’s shocked, devastated, confused, all the negative emotions he can think of.

is this really how you feel? has he actually been this bad? he had no idea. he just wanted what's best for the both of you, and to get that he has to work. “i.. i’m sorry, i really am i’ll make it up to you. anything, i’ll start listening to you. it’s all my fault i was too busy with work and i was so fixated i just forgot about everything else.. please, don’t leave me. i love you so much, you’re my dearest.”

his voice was desperate, so were his eyes, his hands clenched yours tightly as he was afraid to let you go. you knew he meant every word he said and how much he meant his actions, but you also know that everything he said he’d do, would last only for a bit, then he’d go back to normal and you don’t think you’re able to do that.

you started breaking down, holding his hands and bringing them to your chest, moving your hands to his face and giving a weak smile. “i know you mean everything you do but- i can’t do this anymore. i have to move on and it’s clear i’m just a hole in the road for you. you have work, it's what you do and need to do. there’s no time for me in there.”

ayato scoffed removing his hand and yours, “you’re none of that to me. a hole in the road? you and ayaka are the only reason i do this." was all he said before walking out of the house, leaving you alone with the tense atmosphere.

you collapsed to the ground, falling on your hands and knees. every part of you was shaking, your face was a mess and you felt helpless. he's just gonna say that and leave you? so much for everything. you know he loves you, but he just doesn't care for you. all he wants is just to keep you. though, you can't help but love him back through this hate.

you spent a good hour cleaning yourself up and another packing your bags. deep inside you hoped he would come back to the house and apologise for walking out, but you knew that would be terrible. it'd bring you back to square one of you sobbing in front of him. as you gathered yourself up once more, you placed the house keys on the counter and left.

you had planned to go to liyue, it was always a place ayato said he'd bring you to after you bragged about it all day. you walked to the docks in ritou and took a boat back to the mainland. heartbroken, chest heavy but glad.

ayato on the other hand had gone back to the estate where ayaka was, telling her everything as she comforted him and saying he’ll be alright. but they both knew he wouldn’t be. you were the one who lit his heart up again, the one who motivated him to do his work and go to work, the one he thought would be the one he'd stay with forever.

staring at his finger, he took the ring off and tossed it off into the nothingness of his office. laying his head on his desk, no thoughts on his mind but heartbreak and you.

it was a few months after the divorce finally settled in place.

when you had sent the divorce papers to him, it took a good month for it to be sent over back to you. you knew the reason why it took ages to be brought back and it only made this decision harder. you weren’t over him, you never would be. but it was time to turn a new page in your life. you had bought a small house in liyue harbour and got a job at a funeral parlour. you were finally starting to live a nice, happy life.

ayato however had covered himself in work. he stayed overhours, overnight and just wouldnt stop, ayaka couldn’t even stop him. ayato had thought this would make him forget about you but it didn’t, you were the only thing on his mind whenever he did anything. you were all he could smell, hear, and see. it was like you were everywhere taunting him.

he tried looking for you a day after he left you alone in the house, only to be told by sara that you had left inazuma, your location not known. he was devastated knowing he may never see you again. but it was all his fault and he knew that. ayato promised to himself that if he ever saw you once more, he would make you fall in love with him again and stay with him, even if you didn’t want to.

you were the only thing that kept him stable. without you.. that’s another story.

⌗ so this is my first post, i don’t know how to use this app at all so plz say if i’m doing something wrong…

[rosze-v]

when spring comes again

pairing: Sanzu Haruchiyo x Reader

synopsis: Your Haru, becomes Sanzu.

tw: breaking up, angst, vulnerable sanzu, bonten sanzu, mention of killing, mention of drugs, mention of liquor, mention of blood, just sad sad sanzu :(

w.c: 0.9k

a/n: Halu! Man my emotions are all over the place and I was listening to an Urban Zakapa song called I don’t love you and I was crying as if I have anyone to not love :”D  actually I was writing for Bokutou but somehow the writing felt weird. I'm still going to post it later. I think I need to start making fluff again cause bro I’m pumping out angst like I’m breaking up with someone. ANYWAY! Women’s rights and choices all the way! Fuck those who say otherwise!!!!

“Do you still love me?”.

“Yes, I do.” You said, yet a string in you tugged painfully, another lie on your tongue. You gently brush his pink bangs to the side, thumb lingering on his scars, gently stroking it. Eyes, a sea of blue and green staring directly into you, feeling as if its peering into your soul. Haruchiyo’s lips tremble, as he clasps your hand that was on his cheek and kisses its palm. His eyes close and open, yet now were filled with tears.

“If you do…, why won’t you say I love you?”.

So, he has caught on. You could only stare into his leaking eyes, another string tugged, very painfully. You gulped, trying to think on why. Do you love him anymore? Not really, but why? That’s the thing, you don’t really know why.

“I'm sorry Haru…”.

“Are you going to leave me?”. You pulled the hand he clasped to your lap as you look down. Wondering on how you’re suppose to answer him.

It was indeed bizarre, when you have realised you stopped loving him. It was sudden, cold and lonely, yet you can’t find it in you to leave him. Haru is a broken person, pieces of his heart litter around his feet and yet half of it is in your hand.

Haru didn’t do anything wrong particularly. It was just you can’t keep up with him as he can’t stay down with you. He’s always so full of life at the wrong things, fighting till his lips bust open, revving up his motorcycle engines on the road and that was when he was younger and a bit more innocent.

Yet now you can’t find even a speck of the innocence in him, not even a petal of the man you used to love. Drugs is a staple for him, he said it boggles up his mind so he doesn’t need to think. Liquor burns his throat every night, just so he can forget about the things he has done. The worst is the blood on his hands, the fact that your once glowing ray of light become this killing machine was devastating.

You thought you could handle him, handle him at his worst, yet the one at their worst is you. When was the last time the both of you have a time of your own, just maybe spending time to go to a café or even watch Netflix together? When was the last time you actually have a good and long conversation with him about his day, your day? Though the worst is the feeling of not being able to stop him from doing all this.

The guilt gnaws into your mind, leaving you trembling and scared at your own thoughts. You have loved Haru all your life yet this is not your love anymore, it’s not Haru anymore.

But nothing hurts more than looking at the glimpses of Haru in the eyes of the man in front of you right now. You could see the eyes, wet from tears that look like Haru. You could feel the tapping of Haru’s finger on your hand, three times, an indication of I love you. With a sob, your shoulder trembles slowly as tears run free on your cheeks.

“ I love you so much Haru… I truly do… but where is my Haru?”. Your hands gripped at his shirt as he sobs, shaking his head gently.

“I'm still here (y/n), please… I'm still here…”.

“No. You’re not Haru anymore. I… I told you to stop… stop before I lose Haru and yet you let it happen.” You pull away from him, standing up to leave when he quickly hugged you from behind, trapping you in his arms, his face in the crook of your neck.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry but I can’t help it, the drugs, the killing is my life now…”. He spins you around to face him as he gripped your shoulder, a craze look of desperation on his face.

“But I’m still me! I’m still your Haru!”. You look into his eyes again, trying to find any of Haru but it was apparent, he’s gone. You shook your head as you pull away from him.

“If you… if you truly love me, let me go. Let me go and let me live.”

“NO! If you love me, you’ll stay! You promised! I know I’m not who I used to be but there’s nothing I can do about it!”.

“I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE!! I… don’t … love you anymore Sanzu.” His eyes widen, completely baffled at your words. Never in a million years he would have thought those words would fall from your lips because he knew how much you love him. In a deeper, darker part of him understand for so long already why you don’t love him anymore, no, it was Sanzu you don’t love anymore.

He understands it so much yet its so hard to let go the only place of love for him. The place where he can return to and feel slightly normal. Yet its unfair to you, to you who remain in love and light to be tainted by the blood red he is.

And so, its okay. He’ll let you leave because he loves you so much, he loves you so much that he’s willing to swim the red all alone. Maybe one day, when Haru comes again, he’ll come for you again, like he did during the spring of your childhood.