#this is all speculation and what makes sense to me. filling in the gaps of my knowledge with educated guessing

[quirkyfries]

Some more tsams/eaps headcanons because I’m bored in class

To expand on the AI chip thing mentioned previously: Ai chips come with a base, company-appointed personality and traits. Most Suns start off loud and naïve. Most Moons start off too curious for their own good. Suns fidget with their rays. Moons prefer auditory stimulation. Etc. It’s only when that base personality/programming is subject to an environment that teaches the base personality something—Our Sun learned to put up with things he didn’t like for a time, Old Moon learned that force kept Sun in the little box he needed Sun to be in to feel in control—that new information is stored into the chip. Eclipses do not have a set personality and are generally a hodgepodge of both depending on how they came to be. (For example, Eclipse and Solar have just enough Moon base personality in them to set them apart from Sun, but both are mostly Sun base programming. Ruin is a careful mix of both Sun and Moon programming because they were able to manually edit that, which resulted in a personality reset when they fully merged. (Lunar is a special case, Eclipse shoved most of his remaining Sun base personality off to Lunar, but because Eclipse is a mix of both, that code was inseparable from some Moon base personality.) When a personality has developed enough, removing certain parts of the base personality can affect the function of that part of the developed personality, for example, if Lunar were to delete some of his Sun base programming, he would find that experiencing things that stem from that programming disorienting, because the foundation that allowed the proper response to that stimuli is gone. In small bits, it’s possible to remove base traits like preferences, or entire personality traits so long as it’s done early in that AI’s development. There are workarounds to this. Dark Sun knows a lot of those workarounds, but that doesn’t mean he uses them often.

On material objects, Star power can act like radium with a shorter halflife. The same goes for negative star power. Visiting dimensions with high levels of either can result in contamination, such as Ruin’s dimension in the time it was accessible or Dark Sun’s pocket dimension without proper protections. Contamination is a residue of the power that fades over time if it is not removed. If certain components are contaminated, like processors or joints, their performance can be affected. [Note I’m not the most familiar with TSAMS’ established magic rules or most things about star power, I just have a general idea of it and this makes the most sense to me.] Also note I said material objects, this does not extend to software, where it acts differently.

It is possible to detect levels of Star power in dimensions with technology coveted by Dark Sun, Nexus, and Ruin, all for different reasons. By analyzing spikes or sudden drops in levels of a dimension, it’s possible to guesstimate where a dimension hopper with high levels of either power ended up. If Nexus were to drop into another dimension, Dark sun could figure out which one based on recent trends in Star power levels across the dimensions in his scope, in Nexus’ case the levels would drop because the negative Star power isn’t 100% negated by the present positive Star power. The closer the levels of Star power are to each other, the more stable the trends are, because they tend to cancel each other out. Think of a seismograph and detecting earthquakes, with the constant levels being the equal amounts of negative and positive power. The balance of these energies fluctuate in natural cycles. The Astrals are part of these cycles.

Take anything I say about the magic thing with a massive grain of salt, the most I know is the concept of magic pools and general applications of magic per individual users, and there might’ve been something involving golden Freddy idk. I like to imagine magic as metaphorical hula hoops. Everyone’s hula hoop is a little bit different in color, size, features etc, but the user must know how to use the hula hoop to be able to use their magic. Learning different ways to use the hula hoops is the equivalent of expanding what the user’s magic is capable of (Transmutation, teleportation, and summoning things are all different capabilities that can be learned, for example. Some are considered more complex than others.) in my head ruin’s hula hoop lights up with activity lol. Sun’s hula hoop makes groan tube noises. Being able to do different things/multitasking while using the metaphorical hula hoop is something that can be learned by users with more experience. Ruin is one of these users. Eclipse is also able to do this, but tends to combine it with technology. (Continued in a reblog)

[w1w2]

The Dance We Share

Nakamura Kazuha x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ca. 12k

Synopsis: A new member joins an already successful girl group, bringing talent, determination, and a history that threatens to disrupt the group’s harmony.

Requested by Anon

Notes: I got a bit carried away with this.. I guess I'm in my angs era.

Also, to the Anon that have requested that, please let me know if you like it

English isn’t my first language so I apologize in advance for any mistakes.

♡ Enjoy! ♡

The journey to this moment had been a whirlwind of auditions, sleepless nights, and quiet moments of doubt. Y/N had pushed herself harder than ever before, driven by an unrelenting desire to make her dreams come true. There were days when she felt invincible, buoyed by the promise of what could be, and nights when she doubted everything, the sacrifices, the exhaustion, the relentless grind. It had all led her here, to this practice room, standing on the precipice of something she had both longed for and feared.

As Y/N stepped into the room for the first time as an official member of LE SSERAFIM, a mixture of excitement and apprehension bubbled beneath her calm exterior. She was no stranger to performing, to auditions, to high-stakes environments, but this was different. This wasn’t just a group, it was a phenomenon. They had already carved their place in the industry, and now, she was expected to do the impossible: step in, catch up, and somehow shine without overshadowing.

She wasn’t just filling a spot, she was filling Garam’s spot.

The name carried weight, not just within the group but with fans, critics, and the media. Garam’s sudden departure had left a hole in LE SSERAFIM’s lineup, a gap that fans had fiercely debated how to fill, if it should even be filled at all. Social media had been abuzz with speculation when her addition was announced.

Was she the right choice? Would she fit in? Could she live up to the expectations?

These questions, along with a litany of comparisons, would undoubtedly follow her every move.

It was daunting, suffocating even, but Y/N had resolved to prove herself worthy, not just to the world, but to her new groupmates.

The atmosphere in the practice room was warm but tinged with careful politeness. Y/N could feel the subtle tension that came with welcoming a new member. They were trying, but it wasn’t effortless yet.

Chaewon, ever the responsible leader, was the first to step forward. Her smile was encouraging, her tone genuine but measured, as if she were balancing the roles of leader and mediator.

“Welcome to the family,” she said, her voice kind yet carrying the unspoken understanding that Y/N had a lot to prove.

Sakura followed, offering soft words of encouragement in Japanese that brought a flicker of comfort to Y/N’s nerves. Yunjin added a playful comment about how they could commiserate over the grueling trainee experience. Even Eunchae, the group’s youngest, greeted her with a bright, bubbly enthusiasm that made Y/N feel lighter, if only for a moment.

They were kind, supportive even, but Y/N could sense the invisible wall. They were a tight-knit team, and she was the outsider. For now.

And then there was her.

Kazuha stood apart, her presence understated yet impossible to ignore. She offered a faint smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. There was none of the warmth or easy grace that lit up her face in the photos and videos Y/N had studied before joining. Her expression was carefully neutral, her eyes flitting to Y/N for the briefest second before darting away, as if the mere act of looking at her was too much to bear.

Y/N’s chest tightened.

She had prepared herself for this moment, told herself it wouldn’t matter. It had been a year since they had seen each other, a year since they had been anything to each other. And yet, standing here now, with Kazuha just a few feet away, every memory they had shared surged back to the surface like a tidal wave.

The studio smelled faintly of sweat and polished wood, but in her mind, it was the faint perfume of the ballet studio that came rushing back. The soft padding of pointe shoes, the music filling the air, the sound of Kazuha’s laugh as they perfected a lift. Late-night conversations whispered over cooling cups of tea. The quiet promises that had once felt unbreakable.

And the heartbreak.

It was a pain so sharp it had felt like it might split her in two. The suffocating ache of watching Kazuha walk away after Y/N had laid her heart bare. The way she hadn’t even looked back.

“Zuha,” she had called her back then, her voice soft, affectionate, laden with trust.

But that was a lifetime ago. A lot changed during these months. 

Now, they were strangers. Or at least, that was what they were pretending to be.

The flash of pain was gone as quickly as it had come, buried beneath the professional mask Y/N had perfected during her years of training. She couldn’t afford to let emotions cloud her now. She was here to work, to perform, to prove that she belonged.

When the first practice session began, Y/N threw herself into the choreography with everything she had. She followed the beats, absorbed every direction, and moved with a precision born of determination. The music was loud, the mirrors reflected every step, and the members exchanged approving glances.

But Kazuha kept her distance. She spoke only when necessary, her words clipped and professional. She avoided eye contact altogether.

The room was filled with music and movement, but to Y/N, it felt like they were dancing around a silent truth neither of them dared to face.

For the rest of the day, Y/N focused on the steps, on the voices of her teammates, on the beat of the music, anything but the shadow of the girl she once knew.

Anything but Kazuha.

The first days were always the hardest, and for Y/N, it was no exception.

The soft hum of music played in the background as the group gathered in the spacious practice room. The mirrored walls reflected each member, moving with synchronized precision, but Y/N couldn’t help but feel the stark contrast of her presence among them. She was hyperaware of every glance, every whispered comment exchanged in the corners, though the others had been nothing but kind.

Kazuha stood at the far end of the room, tying her sneakers with meticulous care. She hadn’t said much since the initial greeting. Their interactions had been limited to curt nods and brief, professional exchanges. And yet, the weight of Kazuha’s silence pressed down on Y/N like a tangible force, suffocating and inescapable.

As they worked through the day’s routine, the tension between them became harder to ignore. Their gazes met in fleeting moments, the kind of accidental eye contact that was too brief to hold meaning but too frequent to be unintentional. Each time, Kazuha would quickly look away, leaving Y/N wondering if she was imagining the flicker of something —guilt, regret, or even longing—in her dark eyes.

“Y/N, you’re picking up the choreography quickly,” Chaewon said, breaking the silence as the group took a short water break.

“Thank you,” Y/N replied, her lips curving into a polite smile.

“It’s impressive,” Sakura added, her tone warm. “You fit in well.”

Y/N nodded, grateful for the encouragement, but her mind was elsewhere. Despite the praise, she couldn’t shake the unease that clung to her like a second skin. She stole a glance at Kazuha, who was quietly stretching in the corner, her movements fluid and precise.

Y/N’s fingers tightened around her water bottle as the memories began to resurface.

The ballet studio was a place of dreams, a sacred haven where artistry met discipline. The air always carried the faint scent of resin and effort, a combination of polished wooden floors, sweat, and ambition. For Y/N, the studio had been a second home, a place where she could lose herself in the rhythm of movement, the poetry of dance. It wasn’t just the physicality of ballet that she loved but the way it demanded her soul, her entire being.

That summer had started like any other, grueling practices, blistered feet, and a fierce determination to perfect every pirouette, every arabesque. But then Kazuha arrived, and everything changed.

They first met during a partnering class at the prestigious summer intensive. Y/N had been scanning the room when her gaze landed on a girl who moved like liquid light.

Kazuha Nakamura. 

Her name was whispered in admiration by the other students, her reputation as a prodigy preceding her. Kazuha was an enigma, her movements were graceful yet powerful, her presence quiet yet commanding.

When the instructor paired them together, Y/N felt a jolt of nervous excitement. Kazuha was tall and poised, her every step brimming with elegance. Y/N couldn’t help but feel slightly self-conscious next to her. But the moment they began to move, everything clicked.

Their connection was instantaneous, as if their bodies instinctively understood one another. Y/N’s playful, expressive energy filled the spaces Kazuha’s disciplined movements left behind, creating a harmony that stunned even their instructors. In the span of a few weeks, they had gone from mere dance partners to a team that everyone admired.

“You two are like magnets,” their instructor had once commented, watching as they nailed a complex lift. “Completely different energies, but when you’re together, it just works.”

And it wasn’t just their dancing that brought them closer.

Outside of practice, Y/N and Kazuha were inseparable. They often stayed late at the studio, the overhead lights dimming as the evening stretched into night. Their conversations drifted from dance to life, their voices echoing in the empty hall.

Kazuha spoke with quiet passion about her dreams. Her family in Japan, her love for ballet, her desire to push herself further than anyone thought possible. Her eyes would light up as she described the feeling of losing herself in movement, as if the world disappeared and all that remained was the music.

“You make it sound magical,” Y/N had said once, lying on her back on the studio floor.

“It is magical,” Kazuha had replied softly, her head tilted to the side as she stared at the ceiling. “It’s like… you’re telling a story without words. That’s what I love most about it. It’s honest.”

It was in moments like those that Y/N found herself falling.

At first, it had been admiration, a deep respect for Kazuha’s artistry and discipline. But as the days turned into weeks, her feelings began to shift. She found herself drawn to the way Kazuha’s lips curved into a small smile when she nailed a particularly difficult routine, or the way her laugh would break through her composed exterior when Y/N teased her.

Kazuha, for all her quiet elegance, had a surprisingly goofy side. She wasn’t afraid to try ridiculous dance moves when they were alone, their laughter filling the empty studio as they dared each other to push the limits of their creativity.

“I bet you can’t do this,” Y/N had said one night, attempting an exaggerated, clumsy leap.

Kazuha had raised an eyebrow, her competitive streak flashing through. “Oh, I can do it. Better than you, actually.”

Moments like those were the foundation of their bond. It was easy, effortless, until it wasn’t.

The confession happened on one of those golden evenings when the sun dipped low on the horizon, casting long shadows across the studio floor. They had just finished practicing, their bodies aching from hours of work. The room was bathed in hues of amber and pink, the kind of light that made everything feel softer, dreamier.

Y/N had been pacing for the better part of an hour, building up the courage to say the words that had been burning on her tongue for weeks. Kazuha sat cross legged on the floor, oblivious, carefully unwrapping the tape from her toes.

“Zuha,” Y/N started, her voice trembling slightly.

Kazuha looked up, her expression curious. “Yeah?”

Y/N’s heart pounded in her chest. She had rehearsed this moment a dozen times in her head, but now that it was here, the words felt heavy, unwieldy. Taking a deep breath, she decided to just say it.

“I think I’m falling for you.”

The silence that followed was deafening.

Kazuha’s eyes widened, her hands freezing mid-motion. She stared at Y/N, her expression unreadable, as if she were trying to process what she had just heard. Her lips parted as though to speak, but no words came out.

Y/N felt her stomach drop.

“I…” Kazuha finally began, her voice hesitant. She stood slowly, taking a small step back. “I can’t… I don’t know if I can do this.”

It wasn’t a rejection, not explicitly, but it felt like one. The words cut through Y/N like shards of glass. Her chest tightened as she fought to keep her composure.

“It’s okay,” Y/N said quickly, forcing a smile she didn’t feel. “I just… I needed to tell you. That’s all.”

But it wasn’t okay. Not really.

For a while, they tried to pretend nothing had changed. But the tension was there, a fragile undercurrent that neither of them acknowledged. And then, weeks later, Y/N learned the truth.

Kazuha had been offered an opportunity to train in Korea, a once in a lifetime chance to pursue her dream of becoming an idol. She hadn’t told anyone, not even Y/N, until the decision was finalized.

The day Kazuha told her was one of the worst days of Y/N’s life.

“I’m leaving,” Kazuha had said, her voice breaking slightly. “I… I got an offer to train in Korea. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted, but I didn’t know how to tell you.”

Y/N stared at her, disbelief and hurt swirling in her chest. “When were you going to tell me? After you were already gone?”

Kazuha looked down, guilt written across her face. “I didn’t want to hurt you,” she whispered.

“Too late for that,” Y/N said bitterly.

Kazuha’s voice wavered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen like this. I just… I need to follow this path.”

Y/N wanted to scream, to tell her that leaving wasn’t the only option. But she knew it would be futile. Kazuha had already made up her mind.

The goodbye was quiet, almost anticlimactic. There were no grand gestures, no promises to keep in touch. Just a hug that felt too short, a whispered apology that didn’t feel like enough, and then she was gone.

And Y/N was left behind, staring at the empty studio that once felt like home, wondering how someone who meant everything could walk away so easily.

“Ready to run it again?” Yunjin’s voice snapped Y/N back to reality.

She blinked, quickly pushing the memories aside. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

As the music started, Y/N threw herself into the routine, channeling every ounce of emotion into her movements. Her body moved with precision, her steps matching the beat perfectly. She couldn’t afford to falter, not now, not with Kazuha watching.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kazuha move to her position. Their movements were synchronized, but the distance between them felt like an ocean.

When the song ended, the group broke into applause. “You two have great chemistry,” Chaewon noted, her comment light but laced with meaning.

Y/N forced a smile, glancing at Kazuha. Her former partner said nothing, her expression unreadable as she turned away.

The tension between them lingered, a silent shadow that neither of them could escape. For Y/N, it was a constant reminder of what they had been and what they had lost.

The days leading up to the comeback were nothing short of punishing. Practice sessions stretched endlessly, often bleeding into the late hours of the night. The only constants were the pounding bassline of the title track, the mirrored walls reflecting their every move, and the collective effort to perfect a routine that demanded nothing less than excellence.

For Y/N, the grueling schedule was both a sanctuary and a battlefield. The sheer intensity of the practices left little room for her mind to wander. There was no time to dwell on the tension simmering between her and Kazuha when she was counting beats, perfecting angles, and ensuring that every step matched the rhythm. Yet, every practice session brought them closer, physically, emotionally, metaphorically. And no matter how focused she tried to be, no amount of precision could stop the unspoken emotions from creeping in, carving their way into the space between their movements.

The choreography was as intricate as it was demanding. It wasn’t just about hitting the right moves, it was about embodying a raw, rebellious energy. The routine thrived on synergy and fluidity, requiring the six of them to move as one.

But Y/N and Kazuha’s roles in the intro carried a different weight altogether.

The song’s opening was more than just choreography, it was a statement. The intro was designed to captivate, showcasing the dynamic contrasts within the group. Y/N and Kazuha were paired for this critical moment, their movements a duet of tension and harmony. It was a bold choice by the choreographer, one that placed them at the center of attention before the full routine even began.

“Alright, Y/N and Kazuha,” the choreographer called out, clapping her hands to draw everyone’s attention. “Let’s see the intro again. From the top.”

Y/N grabbed a quick sip of water, wiping the sweat from her brow before stepping into position. She felt the familiar twinge of nerves settle in her stomach as Kazuha approached. Her former partner carried herself with a calm, almost detached grace, her expression unreadable as always.

Kazuha moved into place, her posture flawless, her eyes focused somewhere beyond Y/N’s shoulder. Their proximity was unavoidable now, and for a moment, Y/N felt her breath hitch.

“Ready?” the choreographer asked, eyeing the pair.

They both nodded, and the music began.

As the opening beats thundered through the studio, their bodies moved instinctively. The intro was slower than the main choreography, a carefully choreographed interplay of motion and stillness that required complete focus. Y/N stepped forward, her hand outstretched, while Kazuha mirrored her with a sharp, fluid grace.

Their movements were designed to contrast Y/N’s bold, grounded energy against Kazuha’s airy, ethereal fluidity. They circled each other, their steps deliberate and precise, the tension between them palpable even in the silence between the beats.

The section culminated in a synchronized lift, Y/N’s hand finding Kazuha’s with a familiarity that startled her. Her palm was warm, steady, and for a fleeting moment, Y/N felt the years between them dissolve. Kazuha’s grip was firm yet gentle, a stark contrast to the tension that hung between them outside of practice.

Y/N hoisted Kazuha effortlessly, the lift smooth and fluid as Kazuha extended her limbs with perfect control. Their gazes met briefly before the sequence ended, the transition seamless as they broke apart and prepared to move into the main choreography.

For anyone watching, it was nothing short of breathtaking.

To Y/N, it was maddening.

There was something about the way their movements aligned so effortlessly, as if their bodies remembered something their minds refused to acknowledge. The tension that existed between them in silence seemed to vanish in motion, leaving behind a connection that felt... timeless.

When the music cut off, Y/N’s heart was pounding, though she wasn’t sure if it was from the exertion or something else entirely.

“That was perfect,” the choreographer said, her tone laced with satisfaction. “You two have incredible synergy.”

The compliment hung in the air like an echo. Y/N forced a small smile, murmuring a quiet “thank you” before retreating to the corner of the room. She grabbed her water bottle, taking a long sip as she tried to calm her racing thoughts.

For a moment, she felt Kazuha’s gaze on her, an almost imperceptible pull, as if the other girl was trying to bridge the distance between them with nothing but a look. But when Y/N turned her head, Kazuha had already turned away, her focus back on the choreographer’s instructions.

It was infuriating how composed she seemed, as if the connection they shared on the floor meant nothing to her.

But Y/N knew better.

There were cracks in Kazuha’s facade, subtle, fleeting, but there. The way her shoulders tensed when their hands brushed. The slight hesitation before they made eye contact during transitions. The way her voice softened, almost imperceptibly, when she gave Y/N instructions.

Y/N hated how easily she noticed these things, how her mind cataloged each moment like a keepsake she couldn’t discard.

“Let’s go again,” Chaewon’s voice cut through her thoughts, bringing her back to the present.

Y/N nodded, taking her place once more. But as the music started again, she couldn’t shake the feeling that they weren’t just dancing. They were navigating something far more complicated, something neither of them was ready to name.

And no amount of flawless execution could erase the tension simmering beneath the surface.

The group’s dynamic had been relatively smooth since Y/N joined. Everyone had gone out of their way to make her feel welcome, offering support during her transition into the group. Yet, there was one glaring exception: the quiet, uneasy tension between Y/N and Kazuha. It was subtle enough to avoid immediate scrutiny but persistent enough to raise eyebrows among the more observant members.

Chaewon was the first to pick up on it.

It was during one of their breaks, the group sprawled across the practice room in various states of exhaustion. Chaewon sat on the floor, absently scrolling through her phone while her eyes flicked toward Y/N and Kazuha. They were on opposite sides of the room, as usual.

Y/N sat with her back against the mirror, her phone in hand, though her furrowed brow and restless fingers suggested she wasn’t truly engaged. Kazuha, meanwhile, was perched on the edge of a bench, her focus entirely on adjusting the laces of her shoes. Her movements were deliberate and methodical, as if tying her sneakers was the most critical task in the world.

Chaewon leaned toward Sakura, keeping her voice low but pointed. “Something’s going on between those two.”

Sakura followed her gaze, her sharp eyes narrowing as she took in the scene. “Y/N and Kazuha?”

Chaewon nodded, her expression thoughtful. “Yeah. Have you noticed how... stiff they are around each other? It’s like they’re trying too hard to act normal.”

Sakura tilted her head, considering. “I thought they were just being professional. You know, new member, team dynamics, all that.”

Chaewon shook her head slightly. “It’s more than that. Look at them.” She gestured subtly with her chin.

Sakura’s eyes darted between the two, picking up on the details she’d initially dismissed. The way Y/N’s gaze flickered toward Kazuha for a fraction of a second before darting away. The way Kazuha’s shoulders stiffened every time Y/N shifted in her direction. It wasn’t the typical awkwardness of strangers learning to work together.

“You think it’s serious?” Sakura asked after a pause.

Chaewon exhaled quietly, leaning back against the mirror. “I don’t know, but it’s definitely not nothing.”

Sakura hummed in agreement, crossing her arms. “Should we say something?”

“Not yet,” Chaewon replied after a moment of thought. “They’re not making it anyone else’s problem yet. But if it starts affecting the group, we’ll have to step in.”

Sakura’s gaze lingered on Kazuha, who had finished tying her shoes and was now leaning forward with her elbows on her knees, her expression unreadable. “You think it’s awkward ex energy?” she asked, half-joking but with a flicker of curiosity.

Chaewon smirked faintly, shaking her head. “I’m not playing detective. But whatever it is, they need to figure it out.”

“Maybe we should lock them in a room together,” Sakura said dryly.

Chaewon snorted, shooting her a sidelong glance. “Let’s try not to escalate things just yet.”

The two lapsed into a comfortable silence, though Chaewon’s eyes drifted back to Y/N and Kazuha. She could feel the tension between them even from across the room, a charged undercurrent that made her uneasy. She just hoped it would sort itself out before it became a problem for the group.

For Y/N, every interaction with Kazuha felt like walking a tightrope. On the surface, they were cordial, exchanging polite words when necessary. But beneath the veneer of professionalism, there was a storm of unresolved emotions.

One moment, Y/N would catch herself watching Kazuha, her chest tightening with the remnants of affection she couldn’t quite bury. The next, the memory of their last goodbye would surface, twisting the affection into a dull ache of resentment.

Why was it so hard to let go?

It didn’t help that Kazuha was an enigma. She maintained a polite distance, never giving too much or too little. But Y/N could see the cracks in her composure, the fleeting moments when her gaze would soften, when her lips would part as if she wanted to say something but thought better of it.

One evening after practice, Y/N found herself lingering in the studio longer than usual, stretching out her sore muscles. She thought she was alone until she heard a soft voice behind her.

“You did well today.”

She turned to find Kazuha standing a few feet away, her hands clasped nervously in front of her. It was the first time Kazuha had spoken to her outside of practice instructions.

“Thanks,” Y/N replied, her tone clipped.

There was an awkward pause. Kazuha opened her mouth as if to say more, but the words never came. Instead, she gave a small nod and walked away, leaving Y/N with a swirl of frustration and confusion.

By the end of the following week, the rest of the group had picked up on the awkward dynamic. Eunchae, ever the curious and straightforward maknae, was the first to address it, albeit clumsily.

“Unnie,” she said one afternoon, plopping down beside Y/N during a break. “Why are you and Kazuha unnie so weird with each other?”

Y/N choked on her water, her eyes widening in surprise. “Weird? We’re not weird.”

Eunchae tilted her head, unconvinced. “You don’t talk much. And when you do, it’s all… stiff.”

Before Y/N could respond, Yunjin sauntered over, grinning. “Don’t mind Eunchae. She’s just nosy.”

“I’m not nosy!” Eunchae protested.

“You kind of are,” Yunjin teased before turning to Y/N. “But she’s not wrong. You and Zuha have been... tense.”

Y/N bristled, unsure of how to respond. She hated that their tension was becoming so obvious, but what could she say? That the girl she was avoiding was also the girl who had once held her heart?

“It’s nothing,” Y/N said finally, standing up and brushing off her leggings. “We’re just adjusting. That’s all.”

Kazuha wasn’t faring much better. She kept her distance, not because she wanted to but because she didn’t know how to bridge the gap. Every time she looked at Y/N, she was reminded of the past.

She wanted to apologize, to explain, to somehow make things right. But every time she tried, the words got stuck in her throat. What could she possibly say that wouldn’t sound hollow?

One night, as she sat alone in her dorm room, she stared at her phone, her thumb hovering over Y/N’s contact. She had never deleted the number, though she hadn’t used it in over a year.

“I’m sorry. Can we talk? Let me explain.” The words sat in the message box, stark and inadequate.

With a frustrated sigh, she deleted the message and tossed her phone aside. Apologizing wouldn’t change the past. It wouldn’t erase the hurt she had caused.

For now, all she could do was focus on the work and hope that time would dull the edges of their shared pain.

The final straw came after a particularly grueling practice session. Chaewon called for a break, and while the others dispersed to grab water or collapse onto the floor, she motioned for Sakura to follow her.

“Kazuha,” Chaewon called softly, her voice cutting through the chatter.

Kazuha looked up from where she was sitting, her expression calm but guarded. “Yes, unnie?”

“Can we talk for a minute?” Chaewon asked, her tone gentle but firm.

Sakura leaned against the mirror, her arms crossed as Kazuha hesitated before nodding. The three moved to a quieter corner of the room, away from the others’ prying eyes.

“What’s going on with you and Y/N?” Chaewon asked directly, her eyes fixed on Kazuha.

Kazuha’s posture stiffened, her hands clenching into fists at her sides. “What do you mean?” she said carefully, though the tremor in her voice betrayed her.

Chaewon sighed, her expression softening. “You know what I mean. This tension between you two, it’s getting harder to ignore. It’s affecting the energy in the room.”

“We’re not asking to pry,” Sakura added, her tone calm but insistent. “But if there’s something unresolved, it’s better to deal with it now before it starts affecting the group.”

For a moment, Kazuha said nothing, her gaze dropping to the floor. She seemed to be waging an internal battle, her jaw tightening as she struggled to find the words. Finally, she exhaled a shaky breath.

“Y/N and I… we knew each other before,” she admitted quietly.

Sakura and Chaewon exchanged a glance but remained silent, waiting for her to continue.

“We were close,” Kazuha continued, her voice tinged with guilt. “Back when we were both training in ballet. She… she confessed to me.”

Chaewon’s brow furrowed slightly. “And?”

Kazuha swallowed hard. “I didn’t handle it well. I was overwhelmed, and then I got the offer to train in Korea. I left without… without really talking to her about it. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, but looking back, I know I hurt her. Badly.”

Sakura’s expression softened, a hint of understanding in her eyes. “And now that you’re working together again, it’s bringing all of that back.”

Kazuha nodded, her voice barely above a whisper. “I want to apologize, but… I don’t know how.”

Chaewon placed a comforting hand on Kazuha’s shoulder. “You can’t change the past, but if you’re serious about making things right, you need to be honest with her. Avoiding the issue is only making it worse for both of you.”

Kazuha nodded, though her face was shadowed with uncertainty.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, Eunchae had planted herself beside Y/N, her wide eyes studying her unnie with a mixture of curiosity and concern.

“You’re not yourself today,” Eunchae said, her voice light but probing.

Y/N sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I’m just tired. That’s all.”

Yunjin joined them, plopping down on the floor with a dramatic groan. “Tired or avoiding something?”

Y/N shot her a sharp look, but Yunjin’s grin was disarming. “Don’t give me that face,” she said. “It’s written all over you. Something’s bothering you.”

“It’s nothing,” Y/N insisted, though her voice lacked conviction.

Eunchae tilted her head, her tone uncharacteristically serious. “Is it about Kazuha unnie?”

Y/N stiffened, her eyes darting toward the younger girl. “Why would you say that?”

“Because you’re weird around her,” Eunchae said simply.

Yunjin chuckled softly, shaking her head. “Subtle, Eunchae. Really subtle.”

Y/N sighed again, this time heavier. “It’s complicated.”

“Complicated how?” Yunjin asked gently.

Y/N hesitated, her gaze dropping to the floor. For a moment, she considered brushing them off, but the genuine concern in their eyes made her pause. She didn’t want to unload everything, but maybe letting a little out wouldn’t hurt.

“We… have history,” Y/N admitted vaguely.

Eunchae’s eyes widened “Kinda. And it didn’t end well.”

Yunjin hummed thoughtfully. “Well, whatever happened back then, it’s obvious there’s still something between you two. Whether it’s anger, regret, or something else, it’s not going to go away unless you deal with it.”

Y/N bit her lip, unsure how to respond. Part of her knew they were right, but the thought of confronting Kazuha felt like reopening a wound that had barely begun to scar.

Later that evening, the group wrapped up practice, the exhaustion settling over everyone like a heavy fog. The mirrored walls reflected six tired faces, flushed with the effort of hours spent perfecting their routines. Slowly, the others began to gather their things, the hum of quiet conversation mixing with the rustling of bags and the clinking of water bottles.

Y/N lingered behind, her body stretched across the wooden floor as she worked through the tight ache in her legs. The solitude was welcome, a brief reprieve from the constant presence of her teammates. She needed these moments to collect herself, to push aside the day’s frustrations, most of which seemed to revolve around one person.

“Y/N.”

The sound of her name, spoken softly yet distinctly, made her freeze mid-stretch. She knew the voice instantly.

Turning slowly, she saw Kazuha standing a few feet away. The other girl’s posture was hesitant, her hands clasped nervously in front of her. There was something in her expression that Y/N couldn’t quite place, an almost fragile determination.

“What is it?” Y/N asked, her tone neutral but tinged with weariness.

Kazuha shifted her weight, her fingers fidgeting as if they didn’t know where to rest. “I… I wanted to talk,” she said, her voice steady but quiet.

Y/N straightened, crossing her arms. Her posture turned guarded, a wall of defense built in an instant. “About what?”

“About us,” Kazuha replied softly, the words almost lost in the stillness of the room.

Y/N’s jaw tightened. Her heart clenched at the word, a flood of emotions threatening to spill over, but she kept her expression carefully neutral. She didn’t reply, letting the silence stretch as she waited for Kazuha to continue.

Kazuha took a small step forward, her eyes searching Y/N’s face for any sign of openness, any crack in the armor. Finding none, she pressed on, her voice trembling slightly.

“I know I hurt you,” she began, her words deliberate, as if she were choosing each one with care. “And I’m sorry. I was scared, and I made the wrong choice. I shouldn’t have left without—”

“Stop,” Y/N interrupted sharply.

Her voice was calm, but there was a hard edge to it that made Kazuha flinch. Y/N could see the flicker of hurt in Kazuha’s eyes, but she didn’t let herself waver.

“Kazuha, I don’t need your apology,” she said coldly, her words cutting through the air like a blade.

Kazuha opened her mouth to protest, but Y/N didn’t give her the chance.

“It doesn’t change what happened,” Y/N continued, her voice gaining strength as her emotions boiled to the surface. “You left me once without a second thought. Do it again and leave me alone. We don’t need to be more than professional.”

Kazuha’s expression crumbled, the weight of Y/N’s words hitting her like a physical blow. Her lips parted as if to respond, but no words came. For a moment, she stood there, frozen in place, her usually poised demeanor nowhere to be found.

“Just drop it,” Y/N said, her tone quieter now, but no less firm. She turned away, grabbing her water bottle and towel as if to signal that the conversation was over. “It’s too late for apologies anyway.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Kazuha stood motionless, her hands limp at her sides as she stared at Y/N’s back. She wanted to say something, anything, to break through the wall between them, but the words stuck in her throat.

Finally, she nodded, the motion small and defeated. “Okay,” she whispered, more to herself than to Y/N.

As Kazuha turned and walked away, her footsteps slow and heavy, her chest ached with a mix of regret and determination.

She had known this wouldn’t be easy. She had known that Y/N wouldn’t forgive her overnight. But hearing those words, feeling the cold finality in Y/N’s voice, was harder than she’d expected.

Yet, beneath the hurt, a flicker of resolve remained.

She couldn’t undo the past. She couldn’t erase the mistakes she’d made or the pain she’d caused. But she could try to make things right in the present.

As Kazuha exited the room, the resolve in her steps began to solidify. She didn’t know how yet, but she wasn’t going to give up.

The pressure of the upcoming comeback was relentless. The group’s schedules were packed with rehearsals, vocal practices, and concept meetings, leaving little time for rest. Every moment was dedicated to perfecting their performances, and the weight of expectations hung heavily over all of them.

For Y/N, the intense workload was manageable, it was the simmering tension with Kazuha that made each day feel like a marathon. No matter how hard she tried to focus, Kazuha’s presence seemed to loom over her, an invisible yet suffocating force.

Kazuha wasn’t faring any better. Despite her best efforts to act normal, the unresolved emotions between her and Y/N were beginning to take their toll. Her movements during rehearsals became less fluid, her usually calm demeanor occasionally cracking under the strain. The rest of the group had noticed, though they tried to give the two space, hoping they’d sort it out on their own.

But the cracks in the group’s harmony were becoming harder to ignore.

The rehearsal room was filled with the steady thump of the track as the group worked through yet another run of the choreography. The mirrors reflected six bodies in motion, their steps sharp and precise. At least, most of the time.

“Y/N, you’re a beat late on the transition,” the choreographer called out, her voice cutting through the music.

“Sorry,” Y/N replied quickly, adjusting her position.

They started the routine again, and this time, Y/N made sure to hit the timing. But just as they reached the formation change, she felt a slight hesitation in her footing, her mind momentarily distracted. It wasn’t much, barely noticeable, but Kazuha caught it.

“Seriously?” Kazuha snapped, her voice louder than intended as they finished the sequence. She turned toward Y/N, her frustration breaking through her usually calm facade.

Y/N froze, her brows furrowing. “What’s your problem?”

“My problem?” Kazuha repeated, incredulous. “We’ve gone over this part a dozen times, and you’re still off. We don’t have time for mistakes.”

The tension in the room was palpable as the other members exchanged uneasy glances. Chaewon stepped forward, her mouth opening as if to diffuse the situation, but Y/N spoke first.

“Maybe if you weren’t so focused on criticizing me, you’d actually notice your own mistakes,” Y/N shot back, her tone icy.

Kazuha’s eyes narrowed, her jaw tightening. “This isn’t about me. This is about you not taking this seriously enough.”

“Not taking this seriously?” Y/N repeated, her voice rising. “I’ve been working just as hard as everyone else, so don’t you dare act like I’m slacking off.”

The argument escalated quickly, their voices cutting through the room like shards of glass.

“Enough!” Chaewon’s voice rang out, firm and commanding. She stepped between them, her expression a mix of frustration and concern.

“Both of you, stop,” she said, her tone leaving no room for argument. “This isn’t the time or place for whatever this is.”

Sakura placed a hand on Kazuha’s shoulder, gently pulling her back. “Let’s take a breather,” she suggested, her voice calm but pointed.

Kazuha clenched her fists, her chest rising and falling as she tried to rein in her emotions. Y/N looked away, her arms crossed tightly over her chest, the anger still simmering beneath her skin.

The group gathered in a loose circle, the air thick with tension as Chaewon took charge.

“This can’t keep happening,” she said, her voice steady but firm. “Whatever’s going on between you two, it’s starting to affect the group. We can’t afford that. Not now, not ever.”

Yunjin nodded in agreement, her expression serious. “We all feel it. The tension, the arguments, it’s throwing off the energy in the room.”

Eunchae looked between Y/N and Kazuha, her wide eyes filled with worry. “Unnies, can’t you just talk it out? Please?”

Kazuha and Y/N avoided each other’s gaze, their silence speaking volumes.

Chaewon sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Look, I’m not asking you to magically fix everything right now. But if you don’t address this, it’s only going to get worse. You need to talk. Privately.”

Sakura added, her voice softer but no less insistent, “You don’t have to be best friends, but you do have to find a way to work together without dragging the rest of us into it.”

For a moment, neither Y/N nor Kazuha responded. The room felt like it was holding its breath, waiting for one of them to speak.

Finally, Y/N exhaled heavily, her shoulders slumping slightly. “Fine. We’ll talk.”

Kazuha nodded, her expression unreadable. “Yeah. We’ll talk.”

The other members exchanged relieved glances, though the tension between the two girls remained.

As the others left the room to give them space, Y/N and Kazuha found themselves alone in the studio. The door clicked shut, leaving behind an oppressive silence that neither of them seemed willing to break.

Kazuha stood in the middle of the room, her hands fidgeting at her sides, while Y/N leaned against the wall, her arms crossed tightly. Her posture was defensive, her gaze sharp and expectant.

Kazuha opened her mouth to speak but hesitated, her throat tightening with the weight of everything she wanted to say. Apologizing felt inadequate. Explaining herself felt impossible.

“I…” she began, but the words faltered, slipping through her grasp.

Y/N raised an eyebrow, her expression hardening. “If you don’t have anything to say, I’m leaving,” she said curtly, pushing herself off the wall.

“Wait,” Kazuha said, her voice trembling slightly. But when Y/N turned to face her, eyes blazing with a mix of hurt and anger, Kazuha froze.

The words she wanted to say, I’m sorry, I still care about you, I want to make this right, stayed lodged in her throat, trapped beneath the fear that whatever she said wouldn’t be enough.

Y/N shook her head, her disappointment evident. “That’s what I thought.”

Grabbing her bag, she walked to the door without another glance. The door clicked shut behind her, leaving Kazuha standing alone in the empty studio, her hands still trembling.

For a long moment, she stayed there, staring at the floor, her chest heavy with regret. The silence around her felt crushing, a mirror to the emptiness she felt inside.

The tension didn’t ease in the following days. Y/N and Kazuha’s avoidance of each other became even more pronounced, their interactions limited to what was strictly necessary. The rest of the group noticed the strain, their own frustration mounting as the two continued to dance around their issues, figuratively and literally.

Chaewon and Sakura had had enough.

“This has to stop,” Chaewon said during a rare moment of quiet in the dorm. She sat on the couch, her arms crossed as she watched Y/N disappear into her room without saying goodnight to anyone.

Sakura nodded, her expression thoughtful. “They’re like magnets stuck in reverse. The longer this goes on, the worse it’s going to get.”

Yunjin, sprawled out on the other end of the couch, chimed in. “We need to do something. They’re clearly not going to fix it on their own.”

“I agree,” Chaewon said, her tone firm. “But it has to be subtle. We can’t just sit them down and force them to talk.”

Eunchae perked up from where she was munching on snacks at the table. “What if we made it seem like part of a group activity? Something where they’d have no choice but to work together?”

The four of them exchanged looks, the beginnings of an idea forming.

A few days later, Chaewon announced the plan during a rare moment of quiet in the practice room. She stood in front of the group, hands on her hips, her expression calm but purposeful.

“We’re doing a team bonding exercise tomorrow,” she said with an air of casual enthusiasm, though her tone hinted at an unspoken determination.

“Bonding?” Y/N repeated skeptically, glancing up from adjusting her shoes. The word rolled off her tongue with clear doubt, as if the concept itself was absurd.

“Yup,” Chaewon replied, her voice light but firm. “Pairing up for trust-building activities. It’ll be good for morale.”

“Morale?” Yunjin echoed from the back, raising an eyebrow. “Whose morale is suffering exactly?”

Chaewon shot her a look, and Yunjin quickly raised her hands in mock surrender. “I’m just saying…”

Sakura chimed in with a knowing smirk. “Trust-building, huh? Sounds suspiciously like one of those ‘corporate retreat’ activities you see in movies.”

“Call it what you want,” Chaewon said with a shrug. “But it’s happening. Everyone needs to participate.”

When the pairings were announced the next day, the tension in the room was almost palpable.

“And the first pair is… Y/N and Kazuha,” Chaewon said, her tone deliberately neutral.

Y/N immediately frowned, her eyes darting to Kazuha, who shifted uncomfortably in her spot. “Seriously?” Y/N muttered, her voice low but sharp enough to carry.

“It’s random,” Chaewon replied smoothly, though the slight tilt of her head and the faintest quirk of her lips suggested otherwise.

“Sure it is,” Y/N mumbled under her breath, her skepticism evident.

From the sidelines, Sakura’s smirk grew wider, though she quickly disguised it with a loud cough. Eunchae, ever the enthusiastic maknae, clapped her hands together. “This is going to be fun!”

“Fun,” Y/N repeated flatly, already regretting her life choices.

The practice room had been transformed into a makeshift obstacle course, complete with low hurdles, cones to navigate, and mats scattered across the floor. It was a far cry from the polished precision of their usual choreography sessions, and yet, the stakes felt just as high, if not higher for Y/N and Kazuha.

The rules were simple: one partner would be blindfolded, while the other guided them through the course using only verbal instructions. It was an exercise in trust and communication, two things Y/N and Kazuha seemed to lack entirely.

“Alright, you two are up,” Yunjin called, gesturing for Y/N and Kazuha to step forward. Her grin was a little too wide, her amusement barely concealed.

Y/N sighed heavily, pulling the blindfold over her eyes with a resigned air. “Let’s get this over with,” she muttered, her tone laced with irritation.

Kazuha, standing just behind her, took a deep breath, her nerves evident in the slight tremor of her hands. She moved into position, her fingers hovering awkwardly near Y/N’s shoulders before she finally rested them lightly. Her touch was hesitant, as though she wasn’t sure if it would be welcome.

“Ready?” Kazuha asked softly, her voice almost tentative.

“Just start,” Y/N replied curtly, her arms hanging stiffly at her sides.

Kazuha’s voice was quiet at first, almost unsure. “Take a step forward. Slowly.”

Y/N followed the instruction, her movements cautious, her senses hyperaware of every sound and shift in the room.

“Now a little to the left,” Kazuha said.

Y/N adjusted her footing but paused. “A little to the left? Be specific. How much is ‘a little’?”

Kazuha bit her lip, the frustration bubbling beneath her composed exterior. “Two steps to the left,” she corrected, her tone sharper than before.

Y/N muttered something under her breath but complied.

As the course progressed, the tension between them grew thicker. Kazuha’s instructions became more clipped, her frustration slipping through with each correction, while Y/N’s responses grew increasingly pointed.

“Watch out for the cone,” Kazuha said quickly.

“Where?” Y/N asked, her tone edged with impatience.

“Right in front of you,” Kazuha replied.

“Great,” Y/N snapped as she stumbled into the cone. “Thanks for the heads-up.”

“I told you it was there!” Kazuha shot back, her voice rising slightly.

“Yeah, about half a second too late,” Y/N retorted.

From the sidelines, the rest of the group watched with varying degrees of amusement and concern. Eunchae’s eyes darted nervously between the two, while Sakura leaned against the wall, whispering something to Chaewon. Yunjin, meanwhile, was openly grinning, clearly entertained by the train wreck unfolding before her.

“Could you at least try to help me avoid breaking my neck?” Y/N snapped, ripping off the blindfold in frustration. Her tone was sharp, her patience worn thin.

“I am trying,” Kazuha shot back, her own voice rising. “But maybe if you’d stop being so difficult, this wouldn’t be so hard.”

“Try harder!” Y/N retorted, glaring at Kazuha. “This isn’t that complicated.”

Kazuha’s composure cracked, her frustration bubbling over. “Oh, because you’re so perfect, right? You think you’re the only one dealing with this? You think I don’t see how you look at me, like I’m some kind of villain?”

Y/N’s eyes flashed with anger. “Maybe if you didn’t leave me the way you did, I wouldn’t look at you like that.”

The words hit like a slap. Kazuha’s breath caught, her chest rising and falling as she stared at Y/N. “You think I don’t regret it?” she said, her voice trembling with barely contained emotion. “Every single day, Y/N. You think it was easy for me to leave?”

Before either of them could continue, Chaewon’s voice cut through the air like a whip.

“Enough!”

The entire group had stopped to watch the argument unfold, their expressions ranging from shock to exasperation. Chaewon, her patience clearly at its limit, exchanged a look with Sakura, who nodded.

“That’s it,” Sakura said, walking over and placing a hand on each of their shoulders. “We’re done letting this ruin practice.”

“What—” Y/N began, but Sakura cut her off.

“You two need to figure this out. NOW,” she said firmly, steering them toward the storage room attached to the practice studio.

“Wait, we—” Kazuha started, but Chaewon was already opening the door.

“In. Both of you,” Chaewon said, her tone leaving no room for argument.

Yunjin leaned casually against the wall, her voice carrying an edge of humor despite the tension. “We’ll let you out when you stop acting like this. Good luck.”

The door shut with a resounding click, leaving Y/N and Kazuha alone in the cramped, dimly lit storage room.

The silence between them was deafening, broken only by the faint hum of the ventilation system. Y/N stood with her arms crossed, glaring at the floor, while Kazuha paced a few steps, running her hands through her hair.

“This is ridiculous,” Y/N muttered, her voice tight with anger.

“No,” Kazuha snapped, turning to face her. “What’s ridiculous is how you can’t even give me a chance to explain myself!”

Y/N’s head shot up, her eyes narrowing. “Explain? Explain what, Kazuha? How you broke my heart and left without even looking back? What could you possibly say that I haven’t already told myself?”

Kazuha’s jaw tightened. “You don’t think I wanted to stay? You don’t think I hated myself for leaving?”

“Then why did you?” Y/N shouted, her voice cracking as the emotions she’d tried to bury came rushing to the surface. “Why did you leave me if it was so hard for you? You made me feel like I didn’t matter!”

“That’s not true!” Kazuha yelled, stepping closer, her own emotions spilling out now. “You mattered to me. More than anything! But I was scared, Y/N! I didn’t know how to handle everything, and when the opportunity came to train in Korea, I thought it was the only way I could make something of myself!”

“You didn’t even try to talk to me about it!” Y/N shot back, tears stinging her eyes. “You just left! Do you have any idea how much that hurt? How much I hated myself for thinking I wasn’t enough to make you stay?”

Kazuha froze, her breathing ragged as she stared at Y/N. Her chest tightened, the weight of Y/N’s words pressing down on her like a crushing force.

“Y/N…” she began, her voice trembling, but Y/N cut her off.

“Don’t,” Y/N said, shaking her head. “Don’t say you regret it now. Don’t tell me you hated it, because that doesn’t make it better. It doesn’t change what you did!”

The anger and hurt in Y/N’s voice were like daggers, each word slicing through Kazuha’s already fragile defenses.

“I know I can’t change it!” Kazuha shouted, her voice breaking as the floodgates finally gave way. “I regret it. Every. Single. Day. You think it was easy to leave? To walk away from the person I—”

She stopped herself, but the words were already out there, hanging in the air.

Y/N’s eyes narrowed, her voice shaking with fury and something far more vulnerable. “To walk away from the person you what, Kazuha?”

Kazuha’s fists clenched at her sides, her emotions too powerful to contain anymore. Her voice rose, raw and desperate, as she finally let the truth spill out.

“The person I loved!” she shouted, her voice cracking as tears streamed down her face.

The room fell silent, the weight of her words settling like a heavy blanket over both of them.

Y/N froze, her heart pounding in her chest. For a moment, she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, as the confession echoed in her ears.

“You don’t get to say that now,” Y/N said finally, her voice trembling with a mix of anger and pain. “Not after everything.”

“I know,” Kazuha said, her tears falling freely now. “I know I don’t deserve to say it. I know I hurt you, and I hate myself for it. But it’s the truth, Y/N. It’s always been the truth.”

The raw sincerity in Kazuha’s voice pierced through Y/N’s anger, leaving her feeling exposed and vulnerable in a way she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in years.

“I don’t know if I can trust you again,” Y/N admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

Kazuha took a tentative step closer, her eyes filled with a desperate kind of hope. “Then let me prove it,” she said. “Whatever it takes, I’ll prove it to you. Just… don’t shut me out completely.”

For a long moment, neither of them spoke. The weight of their emotions, their shared history, hung heavy in the air between them.

The aftermath of their explosive fight in the storage room left Y/N and Kazuha emotionally drained but strangely lighter, as if the weight of their unresolved past had finally begun to lift. Neither of them had all the answers, but for the first time in a long time, there was clarity. They had finally said the words that had been trapped inside them for far too long.

The following days, the practice room felt different. The tension that had once hung over Y/N and Kazuha like a storm cloud was still there, but it was softer now, less suffocating. When their gazes met across the room, it wasn’t avoidance or anger that lingered in the air, but something closer to understanding.

It started small.

A quiet “Good job” from Y/N when Kazuha landed a particularly tricky turn in the choreography, her tone soft but genuine. It was a simple phrase, yet it lingered in the air, a far cry from the sharp retorts and icy silences of weeks prior.

Kazuha reciprocated in kind. During one grueling rehearsal, she noticed Y/N struggling with a sequence and instinctively reached out, her hand resting gently on Y/N’s shoulder. “Try shifting your weight earlier,” she suggested, her voice steady but kind. The advice worked, and Y/N’s smile, small but sincere, was enough to make Kazuha’s chest ache in the best way.

These small gestures, though seemingly insignificant, carried immense weight for the two of them. Each act of kindness, every shared glance, felt like another brick being placed in the fragile foundation they were rebuilding.

Their interactions, once tense and awkward, grew warmer, more natural. They began to talk during breaks, not about anything particularly deep, but enough to show the others that something had shifted.

It didn’t take long for the rest of the group to notice.

One afternoon, during a rare lull in practice, Y/N and Kazuha sat against the mirrored wall, quietly laughing over a shared joke about their last photoshoot. The sound was light, genuine, and startlingly out of place given their recent history.

“Are we dreaming?” Yunjin teased, watching the scene unfold with exaggerated disbelief. She clutched her chest dramatically, as though the sight of Y/N and Kazuha laughing together had physically floored her. “Is this real? Should someone pinch me?”

Sakura smirked from her spot on the floor, her legs stretched out in front of her as she leaned back on her hands. “Careful, you might jinx it,” she said, though the amusement in her tone was impossible to miss.

Chaewon, sitting nearby with her water bottle in hand, simply smiled. She didn’t say anything, but the quiet relief in her expression was unmistakable. The uneasy tension that had once plagued their dynamic was finally beginning to dissipate.

Eunchae, never one to hold back, plopped down between Y/N and Kazuha with a wide grin. “You two should argue more often,” she said, nudging each of them with her elbows. “It’s good for the group!”

Y/N rolled her eyes, while Kazuha let out a soft laugh, shaking her head.

“Yeah, sure,” Y/N replied dryly, though the corners of her lips curved upward despite herself.

Eunchae’s grin widened, clearly satisfied. “See? You’re already happier!”

For the first time in what felt like forever, the group’s dynamic felt easy again, like slipping into a favorite song after a long silence. The others didn’t press too much, knowing that the progress between Y/N and Kazuha was delicate, but their quiet support was felt all the same.

As practice ended that day, Chaewon gathered her things and glanced at Sakura. “It’s nice, isn’t it?” she said softly, watching as Y/N and Kazuha walked out of the studio together, their conversation flowing effortlessly.

Sakura nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Yeah,” she agreed. “It’s nice to see them like this.”

As their friendship slowly mended, their synergy on stage grew stronger. The group was rehearsing one of the centerpiece performances and the sections that paired Y/N and Kazuha together took on an entirely new energy.

Their movements, once marked by tension and hesitation, became fluid and seamless. There was an unspoken connection between them that shone through in their performances, a connection that had always been there but was now unburdened by the weight of their unresolved feelings.

It wasn’t just their team who noticed.

Fans began pointing out their chemistry in online discussions and live-stream chats. Edits of their synchronized movements and subtle interactions started circulating, and while Y/N and Kazuha didn’t acknowledge it publicly, the comments brought a secret warmth to both of them.

Away from the cameras and everyone else, Y/N and Kazuha were slowly rebuilding the trust they had lost. It wasn’t easy, some days were better than others but the effort was mutual.

One evening, after a long day of schedule, Y/N found herself in the dorm’s cozy living room. The lights were dim, casting a warm glow over the space as she sank into the couch, a fleece blanket draped over her lap. She scrolled idly on her phone, letting the quiet of the evening soothe her frayed nerves.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice Kazuha until she was standing nearby, holding two water bottles.

“Oh,” Y/N said, sitting up slightly as Kazuha extended one of the bottles toward her.

“Here,” Kazuha said simply, her voice soft but steady.

Y/N accepted it, twisting off the cap and taking a sip. “Thanks,” she said, her tone light but genuine.

Kazuha sat down beside her, leaving a small but deliberate space between them. For a moment, neither of them spoke. The quiet hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen was the only sound in the room.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said when we were locked up in the storage,” Kazuha began softly, breaking the silence. Her gaze was fixed on the floor, her fingers fidgeting slightly with the cap of her own bottle.

Y/N turned to look at her, curiosity flickering in her eyes. “Which part?”

“All of it,” Kazuha admitted, a small, self-deprecating smile tugging at her lips. “How I hurt you. How I made you feel like you weren’t enough. You were right. I should have talked to you instead of running away. I should have trusted you enough to let you in.”

Y/N studied her for a moment, the sincerity in Kazuha’s voice cutting through the remnants of her lingering resentment. The vulnerability in her words was disarming, and for the first time in a long while, Y/N felt herself lowering her guard.

“You don’t have to keep apologizing,” Y/N said quietly, setting her water bottle down on the table. “I’ve already heard it. Now I just need to see it.”

Kazuha finally lifted her gaze, her eyes steady as they met Y/N’s. “You will,” she said with quiet determination. “I promise.”

Y/N nodded, a small, tentative smile softening her features. “Good.”

Another night, they found themselves sitting on the dorm balcony, wrapped in the stillness of the city night. The balcony wasn’t large, just enough for two chairs and a tiny table, but it offered a perfect view of the twinkling lights stretching out to the horizon.

The air was cool but not cold, and both of them sat bundled in sweaters, savoring one of the rare moments their packed schedule allowed them to breathe.

“I missed this,” Kazuha said suddenly, her voice breaking the comfortable silence.

Y/N turned to look at her, one eyebrow raised. “Missed what?”

“This,” Kazuha said, gesturing between them with a small, almost shy smile. “Talking. Laughing. Just… being with you.”

The words hung in the air, unadorned but heavy with meaning.

Y/N hesitated, her chest tightening at the vulnerability in Kazuha’s tone. There had been so many moments like this between them in the past, moments of quiet honesty that had felt so natural, so easy. Now, they felt like rare treasures, fragile but precious.

“I missed it too,” Y/N admitted, her voice soft. She turned her gaze back to the city lights, but the faint smile tugging at her lips gave away her emotions.

The confession lingered between them, but this time, it didn’t feel heavy or suffocating. It felt like a step forward, tentative, careful, but forward nonetheless.

As they sat there, the quiet stretching on, Kazuha leaned back in her chair and sighed contentedly. “I’ll keep saying it, you know,” she said after a moment, her voice playful but sincere.

“Saying what?” Y/N asked, glancing over at her with a curious smile.

“That I’m sorry. That I care about you. That I—” Kazuha stopped herself, biting her lip as her cheeks flushed faintly in the dim light. “That I want to fix this.”

Y/N shook her head lightly, her smile widening just a bit. “Just don’t mess it up this time,” she said, her tone teasing but carrying an undercurrent of earnestness.

“I won’t,” Kazuha replied, her voice steady.

It wasn’t just a friendship they were rebuilding, it was the foundation of something much deeper. Neither of them said it outright, but the shift between them was undeniable. The glances lingered a little longer, their conversations carried a tenderness that hadn’t been there before, and their moments of silence felt comfortable, not strained.

Still, some things remained unspoken. Beneath the surface of their growing connection, there was a tension, an unaddressed question neither of them had dared to voice. Y/N sensed it in the way Kazuha sometimes looked at her, as if trying to find the courage to say something more.

One quiet evening, as they wrapped up yet another day of practice, the unspoken question that had lingered between them for months finally came to a head.

The studio was dimly lit, the faint hum of the air conditioning the only sound after the music had stopped. The other members had already left, their chatter fading down the hallway as the door swung shut behind them.

Kazuha lingered, standing near the mirrored wall, her movements hesitant. Her fingers brushed against the hem of her hoodie as if she were trying to ground herself. Y/N, who had been on her way out, paused at the doorway, noticing the way Kazuha’s gaze lingered on the floor, unfocused.

“You coming?” Y/N asked lightly, her voice breaking the silence.

Kazuha’s head snapped up, her eyes meeting Y/N’s. There was something in her gaze, nervous but resolute, that made Y/N hesitate.

“In a minute,” Kazuha replied softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Y/N tilted her head, curiosity flickering across her face. “What’s up?” she asked, stepping back into the room and folding her arms as she leaned casually against the wall.

Kazuha hesitated, her hands fidgeting again. Her eyes darted toward the mirror before landing back on Y/N. She took a deep breath, as though she were gathering courage.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while,” she began, her voice trembling slightly but carrying an undercurrent of determination.

Y/N’s brows furrowed slightly, her curiosity growing. “Thinking about what?”

Kazuha shifted, taking a step closer. Her movements were deliberate now, her gaze locking with Y/N’s. “I know we’ve been rebuilding things slowly,” she continued, her words careful and measured. “And I didn’t want to ruin that, but… I need to say this. Properly. This time.”

Y/N’s confusion deepened, her arms uncrossing as she stood up straighter. “Say what?”

Kazuha took another step forward, the space between them growing smaller. She clasped her hands together to still their trembling and took another steadying breath.

“That I’m in love with you.”

The words hung in the air, clear and unwavering, reverberating through the quiet studio like a delicate but powerful note.

Y/N’s breath hitched, her heart pounding as she stared at Kazuha. For a moment, her mind was a whirlwind of emotions, shock, warmth, a flicker of nervous excitement.

Kazuha, her cheeks flushed but her eyes steady, pressed on. “I know we said we’d focus on being friends again, and I don’t want to ruin that,” she added quickly, her voice tinged with nervous energy. “But I couldn’t keep pretending that my feelings weren’t still there. They never went away, Y/N. I know I should’ve told you sooner, back then, but I was scared. I can’t keep hiding it anymore.”

Y/N stared at her, her emotions swirling together in a chaotic but undeniable warmth. She could see the vulnerability etched across Kazuha’s face, the way her hands trembled slightly, the earnestness in her eyes as she waited for Y/N’s response.

For a moment, Y/N said nothing, and the silence stretched on, broken only by the faint hum of the air. Then, slowly, her lips curved into a small, genuine smile.

“I still have feelings for you too,” Y/N admitted softly, her voice warm but tinged with caution.

Kazuha blinked, her shoulders visibly relaxing as relief washed over her face.

“But,” Y/N continued, her smile fading into a more serious expression, “we’ve both changed. So much has happened, and I don’t want to mess up what we’ve rebuilt or the group.”

Kazuha nodded quickly, her agreement earnest. “I know. Slow is good. I just… I needed you to know. I couldn’t keep holding it in.”

Y/N stepped forward, the last bit of distance between them vanishing as she reached out to gently touch Kazuha’s arm. Her fingers lingered for a moment before she shifted closer, hesitating briefly before wrapping her arms around Kazuha in a soft, tentative hug.

Kazuha froze for a split second, surprised, before she melted into the embrace. Her arms came up slowly, encircling Y/N in return. The warmth of the hug felt like a balm, soothing the unspoken pain they had both carried for so long.

“Thank you for telling me,” Y/N murmured, her voice steady but warm, her words muffled slightly against Kazuha’s shoulder.

Kazuha’s lips curved into a soft smile, a faint pink coloring her cheeks as she held Y/N a little closer. She hesitated for only a moment before leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to Y/N’s temple, the gesture filled with quiet affection.

Y/N pulled back just enough to meet Kazuha’s gaze, their faces inches apart. The moment lingered, the air between them charged with something tender and unspoken.

After a beat, Y/N smiled, a small, genuine smile that lit up her face. “Come on,” she said softly, her tone lightening as she stepped back, though her hand briefly squeezed Kazuha’s arm before letting go. “The others are probably wondering what we’re doing.”

Kazuha let out a small laugh, the sound carrying a newfound ease. “You’re probably right,” she said, her voice soft.

As they walked out of the studio together, side by side, there was a quiet but undeniable shift between them, one that neither of them could deny.

Months later, the group stood backstage, their hearts racing as the deafening roar of fans filled the arena. It was the encore of their first major concert, and the sheer energy in the air was electric, a palpable buzz that made every moment feel larger than life.

Y/N stood near the back of the group, adjusting her in-ear monitor as she took in the scene around her. The members huddled together, a mixture of excitement and nerves evident on their faces. Chaewon was at the center of the group, her voice calm yet commanding as she delivered a final pep talk.

“This is it,” Chaewon said, her gaze sweeping over each of them. “The last performance. Let’s give them everything we’ve got.”

The group nodded in unison, their determination shining through despite the exhaustion of the night. When the huddle broke apart, everyone began to take their places.

Y/N was about to step toward her position when she felt a familiar presence beside her. She turned to see Kazuha, her expression soft but purposeful as she approached.

“You ready?” Kazuha asked, her voice low but steady. She held out her hand, her fingers outstretched in a silent invitation.

Y/N smiled, her chest tightening with warmth as she slid her fingers into Kazuha’s. “Always,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

For a moment, the world seemed to slow. The roar of the arena faded into the background, the chaos of the moment giving way to an intimate stillness that belonged to just the two of them.

Kazuha took a small step closer, her grip on Y/N’s hand firm but gentle. Leaning in, she pressed a soft kiss to Y/N’s cheek, her lips lingering for a heartbeat longer than necessary. “Thank you for trusting me again,” she whispered, her voice carrying a vulnerability that made Y/N’s heart flutter.

Y/N’s cheeks flushed a deep pink, but she didn’t hesitate to return the gesture. She leaned in, her own lips brushing against Kazuha’s cheek in a gentle kiss. “Thank you for not giving up,” she murmured, the sincerity in her tone leaving no room for doubt.

Their moment was short-lived, interrupted by the familiar sound of Yunjin’s playful voice cutting through the backstage noise.

“Are we getting an encore or a love confession back here?” Yunjin teased, her grin wide as she leaned against one of the stage props.

The group erupted into laughter, the tension breaking as the lighthearted teasing spread. Even Chaewon cracked a small smile, though she clapped her hands to refocus everyone. “Alright, save the confessions for later. Let’s go.”

Y/N and Kazuha exchanged an amused glance, their hands still entwined.

Hand in hand, they stepped onto the stage together. The deafening cheers of the crowd enveloped them like a tidal wave, the sheer energy of the moment sending chills down Y/N’s spine. The arena was awash in light, the glowsticks held by fans creating a sea of shimmering colors.

The bright stage lights bathed them in warmth as they took their positions, their hands finally parting as they prepared for the final performance. Y/N glanced at Kazuha one last time before the music began, a small smile tugging at her lips.

And then the song started, the beat pounding through the speakers as the group moved in perfect unison. Y/N and Kazuha danced side by side, not just as performers, but as partners once more, bound by a connection that had withstood distance, heartbreak, and time.

The encore was electric, a culmination of their hard work and the love they shared with their fans. The cheers grew louder with each beat, and as Y/N and Kazuha exchanged a brief but meaningful glance in the middle of the routine, Y/N felt a sense of peace she hadn’t known in years.

They weren’t just facing the stage. They were facing the world. Together.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I've been trying to focus on thinking about things I enjoy about the idea of the TWST anime. And regarding overblots, I think an anime version would really help illustrate (even more) how terrifying the process is. I really like how the manga shows Riddle's OB, and I love anime as a medium, so I'm pretty hyped to see how it will be conveyed in it.

I really hope they accentuate the horror of it- I'm aware that they might not go all in w the horror like I would personally like, but the thought still excites me. What kind of music will they play? Will the animation change like it does in some animes when the characters are distressed (wobbly lines, glitchy effects)...? What sort of directions will the voice actors get? I mean, they already voiced the game, but anime gives them more room to do voice stuff. I'm really hyped for this aspect tbh...

And I'm also excited for the possibility of dubs, since I'm quite a fan of the whole dubbing world. (I know some ppl have their fears about this last possibility, but in my case even if it turns out to not be so good, I think we could still have a good time w something like that. Plus I've seen some popular eng dub actors hyped about the anime and wanting to be casted for certain characters)

I also wanted to apologize for my previous ask ᕙ⁠(⁠⇀⁠‸⁠↼⁠��⁠)⁠ᕗ I already did so in the comments, but I felt bad about doomposting on your inbox. My mind's first reaction is usually to see the negative first and become anxious, and it's something I'm working on, but it sometimes goes out of hand. But now that a bit has passed, and specially thanks to your advice, I can sit down and try to focus on the things that excite me rather than the ones that scare me. Sure, building too much expectation could backfire at the end— but as you said, we have little to no information at this point. So I think focusing on the things I'd like to see is a better usage of my time. If they turn out to disappoint me... That's something I'll worry about next year, I'll suppose. I'm still a bit anxious and scared, but there's also lots of things I'm hyped for. I'll try to take your advice and focus on those. 🫂 Sorry if my previous negativity made you uncomfortable.

[Referencing this news! Asker’s prior post here.]

I’ve seen a lot of fans speculating that the OB transformation sequences will resemble magical girl ones! While that’s a fun idea, I do feel like it makes more sense for the anime to portray OB as something scary and all-consuming, similar to how it is depicted at the end of animated dorm commercials and in the manga. For the characters experiencing them, it’s not meant to be glamorous… All that agony, the dripping ink leaking out of their orifices and dripping like blood. Overblot looks incredibly horrific, and I think that should come through in the animation—whether they change the usual style for these segments or keep it the same.

I think the anime would reuse (or maybe do remastered versions of?) the Twst soundtrack for a lot of the show. The compositions are already there, so might as well. Maybe experiencing the anime will help to make the music more memorable, since it seems the game soundtrack alone isn’t doing it for some fans.

No clue about the JP voice cast; I did see some people worrying that they could replace the game’s voice cast for the anime, but as I’ve mentioned already, that’s an unfounded claim. If the usual VAs are there, surely they won’t just reuse the already recorded lines from the game?? 😂 I’d think they’d at least have to rerecord those based on how the script and its scenes are laid out, plus additional dialogue to fill in the gaps (such as new scenes).

No confirmation of an English (or other language) dubs yet either! (Again, this is another topic related to the anime that sparks worry, but I must stress that it’s pointless to get into a tizzy about something that isn’t concrete yet.) But yes, I’ve already seen English VAs expressing interest in certain characters; Daman Mills wants to audition for Malleus, Alejandro Saab has made it known he has Twst on his radar and wants to voice Leona, etc. (The latter has done Twst dorm leader impressions for fun before; I think Mr. Saab could make for a decent Leona or even Malleus!)

Don't worry about the previous ask ^^ I think it's better that we discuss these things with one another rather than post or tweet into the void and allow those negative feelings to fester. If you want to view it in a different way, think of it like the OB boys actually getting therapy/finding someone to confide in instead of being allowed to stew in their own emotions and risking OB a second time. Sometimes all it takes is that gentle nudge or a reminder to step back and take a deep breath. When we let our emotions get the best of us, we end up thinking and acting in irrational ways, and then that can lead to people--whether yourself or others--getting hurt.

[lynxgriffin]

While I personally believe Kris is the knight. You did bring up a good point on how Kris lacks courage, something Kris as the roaring knight would definitely struggle to accomplish. Thats definitely a plot hole in the theory. unless Kris is being possessed by another entity, which is incredibly unlikely. I guess it’s back to the drawing board for the Roaring knight with me. : /

Oh yeah, this is indeed what I'm talking about when I say that Kris Knight doesn't feel in line with Kris's character for me! Not in the sense of "oh uwu my precious bean Kris would NEVER do a BAD thing!!!" Very obviously they're both willing and capable of doing something potentially dangerous to both themself and others, and have got some secrets they're keeping.

However, with our three main Lightner characters (and other side characters for that matter,) they've all got these big personal struggles that they are trying resolve over the course of the plot, and that the dark worlds specifically are helping to address. For Kris, those struggles are 1) a lack of autonomy, 2) a lack of courage, and 3) a sense of self-hatred. (And I'd say all three of these are linked as well, in ways we might not fully see yet!)

At least to me, having Kris be the Knight reduces or eliminates quite a few of those struggles. If they're capable of masterminding all these elements to set up dark worlds ahead of time, then how is their lack of autonomy an issue? How would we as the player be any real setback to them? If Kris's will has already dictated how each dark world's antagonists are going to act, then why would they lack courage? Why would Ralsei feel the need to encourage them towards leadership and decision-making? Wouldn't these problems already be solved? I at least find it much more interesting if Kris is still in the process of overcoming these struggles, whatever their motives are!

And yeah, I have never been big on the whole 'third entity' idea. That would just remove any scrap of agency Kris did have in this scenario, and turn them into just the rope for some game of tug-of-war between us and...someone else we don't know. It's a lot more interesting if it's Kris's own actions and decisions that we have to grapple with as the player.

But hey, in the end, we are all just speculating because we're still lacking so much information! Hopefully the next two chapters in just a couple weeks will fill in the gaps way more for this particular part of the plot!

[agentstarkid]

REDAMANCY ✦ DR3

“The essence of "redamancy", when loving someone, resides in finding oneself wholeheartedly committed to another person. It involves investing time, effort, and emotions to build a relationship based on trust, empathy, and understanding. Redamancy emphasizes the idea of love in its purest form, where both individuals feel valued, supported, and cherished by one another. In this context, loving someone through redamancy means having an unwavering appreciation and admiration for their unique qualities and accepting them as they are, flaws and all. It entails fostering a deep emotional bond that brings joy, warmth, and fulfillment to both individuals involved. Love, translated through redamancy, is an enriching experience that nourishes and uplifts the lives of those involved, creating a sense of security, happiness, and contentment.”

✦ pairing: daniel ricciardo x famous!latina!reader

✦ type: social media au

✦ fc: becky g

✦ warnings: female!reader, covid-19 & quarantine mentions, age gap, language, slight mention of mature themes.

✦ pit wall live: holi babes! WE'RE OFFICIALLY DONE WITH 2020! 🥳 Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm feeling festive so this is a gift from me to you guys! Thank you for all the love and support 💖 if you haven't already left me one, please consider leaving me a comment to let me know if this whole thing at least makes a bit of sense (I crave validation, guys lmao) and my inbox is always open! I'm super excited for you to get to know Girlie a little bit better! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter because I sure did enjoy making those edits, don't they look so fucking cuteeeeee??? 😩💕

p.s.: keep an eye out for a name that could be important in the future 👀

─── The Joker & The Queen (Masterlist)

SEPTEMBER 9, 2020

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SEPTEMBER 13, 2020

f1gossipofficial

♡ 2,345 likes

f1gossipofficial NEW WAG ALERT 🚨 After months of speculations, we can finally see them together! Daniel and Y/N arrived at the paddock for the Tuscan GP today and it's fair to say, she knows how to make an entrance 🔥 It's the first time Ricciardo introduces a WAG to the paddock 🥰

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user she's wearing heels and he's still a head taller than her 🥺 THEIR HEIGHT DIFFERENCE IS TOO FUCKING CUTE 😭❤️

user she's just a smol 🤏🏻 cinnamon roll ❤️

user2 🐍🐍🐍🐍

user3 what the fuck is she wearing? 😂 she needs to hire a stylist because she looks like a fucking clown. This reflects badly on Daniel 🤮

user she's serving Y2K style 🔥🔥🔥 also why tf would it reflect badly on him the way she dresses??? 🙄 I think she looks gorgeous!

user4 They have been together since January, but the picture of them walking next to each other is like they don't even know each other 😂

user5 can't believe Daniel hasn't dump her unfaithful ass yet 🙄 she must be really good at the things that she does on the mattress 🤮

user the only thing she's probably worth for, he might as well take advantage of it Imao

user6 The amount of hate this girl receives when all she does is just appear, no one knows her personally but ends up throwing opinions based on her looks and a couple of tabloids. Lol. Fangirls are crazy! 😂

user7 noone does it like her 😘

user8 lol he deserves so much better 🤢🐍

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OCTOBER 6, 2020

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OCTOBER 11, 2020

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yourinstagram

♡ liked by rubendias, iamcardib, danielricciardo and 8,452,325 others

yourinstagram When your birthday gift includes a podium finish you know it's gonna be an unforgettable experience! 🤩 Every year I grow I'm reminded of how precious this life is, thank you all for helping me fill it up with so much love. Your kind words and constant support means everything to me. Thank you so so so much 💕

Don't say it, don't say it, OKAY I'm saying it: I'M FEELING 22!! 😘

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salmahayek Happy birthday hermosa ❤️

danielricciardo Who needs a four-leaf clover when I've got you by my side? Just call me Danny Ricc, the luckiest bloke around! 😎

taylorswift Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22! 🥳 Happy happy birthday my angel! There was happiness because of you 🥰

user stop acting all innocent we all know you are a fucking slut

userA yourinstagram we can tell by all the guys you let into your bed 👀

florencepugh Happy birthday to a special soul ❤️

fioamato Happiest 22nd year babe! Wish we could be together to celebrate. Te amo un mundo ❤️

sofiareyes Feliz vida reinotaaaa! 🥳🥰

user2 sos una gran ridícula 🐍

user3 stop shoving it in our faces every 5 minutes jesus christ, we already know the only way you can stay relevant is fucking your way through talented people

reesewhiterspoon Happy birthday to my favorite resident loud persona!

jvn Happiest birthday babe! Becoming friends with you has shown me a strength & kindness that is v rare. You're brave, smart AF, and the talent is next level & quite literally iconic. Grateful to know you & call you a frand!! Love you to pieces Queen! xx

llane Feliz cumpleaños hermanita 🎂 te deseo muchas bendiciones! ❤️

lilymhe as a wise woman once said: It seems like one of those nights, we ditched the whole scene and end up dreaming, instead of sleeping 💘✨

user4 Oh I didn't know it was international snakes day 🐍😂

lewishamilton happy birthday sis 💜 hope you had lots of fun x

instagram birthdays and F1 races make a winning combo

user5 I hope you are aware you're just a bed-warmer until he finds something better 😂

user6 Those who are throwing her hate, is everything okay at home? You must all be excellent people and role models 😂

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NOVEMBER 01, 2020

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NOVEMBER 16, 2020

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NOVEMBER 28, 2020

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DECEMBER 18-21, 2020

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DECEMBER 25, 2020

danielricciardo

📍Los Angeles, California

♡ liked by yourinstagram, natalie_pinkham, pierregasly and 5,242 others

danielricciardo Merry christmas to all, ya filthy animals! From me and my snuggle buddy 🎄 We've been good... mostly! 😝

Tagged: yourinstagram, corey_wilson, lukerockhold

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yourinstagram Merry Christmas from our reindeer crew! ❤️🎄

danielricciardo Santa's got it easy this year, because I've already found the perfect gift 😘

natalie_pinkham Cuties ❤️ Merry christmas guys! Sending you all the love ❤️🎄

user THEY LOOK SO FUCKING GOOD UGHH 😍

user1 she's gonna be his downfall 🤢

f1 Merry Christmas to our favorite honey badger 🦨🍯❤️

user2 please Daniel check your eyesight 😭 I mean what did you even see in Y/N

kristenanniebell Merry christmas, guys! Sending lots of love from ours to yours ❤️

user3 La pareja más bonita 😍😍 Merry christmas to us with that first photo

scottyjames31 this got me cheesing hard... I'm a bit worried for Santa if those are his reindeers though 😳

user4 Daniel!! RUN!! Don't get too close to her... she's fucking poison!! Everything she touches rots away 🐍🐍🐍

user5 MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS!! Santa should be delivering my adoption papers to you any moment now ❤️🙈

fabioquartararo20 Merry christmas brother! 🥂❤️

user6 who else lives through celebrities holiday posts? Buon Natale, Daniel and Y/N 💚

user7 dude, based on the recent news lately popping up on my feed (that I did not even care to know about), I hope you get yourself to an std clinic to get tested. I see you are in your russian roulet phase- no judgement. sincerely, I wish you the best

user8 this comment section reeks of jealousy it does not pass the vibe check at. all. 😤😤😤 it's fucking christmas guys, what the fuck is wrong with y'all leave them the fuck alone!

user9 they are so many wonderful and interesting people in the world, but you chose Y/N... disappointing. You could sincerely do so much better

user10 Love it or hate it, they are living their best life. Haters can keep commenting, but they're just a bunch of jealous basic bitches lmao ANYWAYS, MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS! Keep being fucking iconic! ❤️

user11 To all the haters out there, keep commenting. Love knows no bounds and Daniel deserves exactly who he's chosen 😘

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DECEMBER 31, 2020

yourinstagram

♡ liked by lilymhe, rubendias, greeicy and 10,652,485 others

yourinstagram Moving towards 2021 with a better mindset. Keep practicing kindness every day, guys! 💖🤗🤭

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itsvittoriasousa Queen of positivity 💁🏻‍♀️💗😘

user lmao omg love this video 🤭 such good vibes

blakelively ❤️❤️❤️

zendaya the vibes are immaculate 💅🏻

lali Y QUE SE CALLE EL DECORADO 😝 Te adoro nena ❤️

user1 No me canso de verlo 😂

iamdannaschwarz A lot of palo santo to cleanse, purify and remove all negativity 🪔🧿😌🤍

user2 Por qué tan hermosaaaaaa 😍😍😍

user3 It's the palo santo and the big echeveria for me lol

user4 Love your attitude

karolg Positively divinaaa! Toda una BICHOTA 💁🏻‍♀️💗

user5 Keep it up, Queen!! Let your light blind all those negative nellies 😌 You're shinning brighter than the sun ☀✨

user6 you can't tell me her and Dan are not meant to be 😂 I bet they are so much fun to be around 🤭

─── Please don't forget to reblog and comment! ♡

[didalexiabreakupwitholgaisback]

Ok so here goes nothing… I'm not usually one of those people who speak badly of a player of my team (Dembelé being the exception) but if this Keira thing is true… es una bajeza. We all know she wants to leave, and the club was willing to let her go for FREE in the summer. To go to a direct rival two days before the transfer window closes, leaving us a very small margin to look for a replacement of the same level? shame on her. Keira must accept that APA has to be in the starting lineup because they are the ones in the best shape. It is impossible to sit Alexia and impossible to sit Patri. We don't know the personal reason why she wants to leave so desperately, but leaving the club like this without a plan b is LOW. And, indeed, we can't judge based on a 3 second video, but her attitude since the start of the season is starting to bother me. I'm sorry but it really upsets me because even if she leaves $1m, who can we bring in so soon? this is more than just a money issue. I would rather let her go for free in the summer by a thousand times.

mira, i think this is an example of where we don't know what is happening behind the scenes, so we are letting our emotions fill in the gaps.

to me, the situation now in january is exactly the same as in august. so why did we not except 1.1 million in august to only except an amount now and to let our player go to a rival before the most important sets of champions matches? 🤔 it doesn't make sense, which is why i think we are missing some crucial context for what is happening.

personally, i have no problem with keira wanting to go home. she communicated that she wanted to leave in the summer. if barça did not plan for it, then that's more so an issue with the club and its planning than with keira. it's not a situation that keira just showed up to the club after new years' and said she wanted to leave. everyone knew that she wanted to go back home since the summer. it's just the timing that sucks!

but yes, i think that's exactly what we do. i *highly* doubt both keira and ingrid leave. so we move ingrid to have a polivalente role as cb and pivot as necessary. but also, i think sydney schertenleib plays more of a role in the midfield as patri's successor too.

anyway, let's see what happens. i think there are too many unknowns to fully speculate! vamos a tranquilizarnos. ya veremos qué va a pasar. 🙏

[sending-thoughtstothesky]

Fraxus Week: Hidden Moments

A/N: I apologize that this is so late! I was inspired to write this after watching the Alvarez arc. When Laxus started using jutsu shiki I expected there to be some exploratory flashback, and there was none! I knew from that moment I wanted to try to write something that could fill that gap. I've found it's really interesting to speculate about the Thunder Legion & Laxus' time in Blue Pegasus and I hope to one day to complete a multi-chapter fic that explores that era for the team (embracing some of the canon content we've received about it, and diverging in other ways). In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this write-up for the "Hidden Moments" prompt.

“Freed what is this about–” Laxus started as the green-haired mage led him by the hand into the darkened, disused Blue Pegasus Library. “You’ve been holed up in this dusty library every day and god knows what you’ve been doing…”

Once Freed had successfully dragged Laxus into the library and slammed the doors, Laxus was finally able to get a good look at the other man. He looked like a wilder version of himself. His clothes were crumpled and his hair was in uncharacteristic disarray with strands every which way; there were significant bags under his eyes. Had he been sleeping lately? His hand was shaking. Laxus wasn’t sure what to expect when—

“Laxus–I finally did it. I finally found something that could save you,”

Laxus let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Hope and relief blossomed within him in a way he hadn’t let himself feel since the day he had gotten his diagnosis in Polyursica’s makeshift hospital bed. Despite that, disbelief still lingered. 

“Old lady Polyursica said…”

“She’s not wrong that there isn’t a cure for your condition,” Freed interrupted, dropping Laxus’ hand. “What I’m planning to teach you isn’t a cure..it’s…” Freed gestured broadly towards the books in the library he had been reading during this final sprint of research, unsure how to express the feelings inside of him that were swirling inside of him like a maelstrom. “It’s–It’s a prayer,”

 Freed wasn’t a religious man, but that was the only comparison that felt was apt to the situation that they’d found themselves in. 

“A prayer?” Laxus echoed stiffly. 

“It’s a prayer that somehow in this vast world of magic, you’ll meet the person that can save you. And they will be able to save you, even if they’re your enemy,”

Laxus put his hands on Freed’s shoulders. He didn’t know what was happening, and frankly he was beginning to get concerned and needed clarification. “Freed, calm down and stop talking in riddles—“

Freed took a breath. “I know this is all a lot to take in. I think it’ll make more sense if I demonstrate it.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It really is all so simple, I can’t believe I overlooked it for so long,”

He gently shrugged off Laxus’ grip, and knelt to the ground. The green-haired man rubbed his hands together, and stretched his fingers out. Laxus recognized the warming up gestures–Freed was preparing to write Jutsu Shiki. 

Freed quickly traced out a series of symbols on the ground. It was an altogether nostalgic and comforting sight for Laxus to see what Freed created so deliberately and methodically, tracing the well worn letters around them. “Consider how when I write Jutsu Shiki like this, I am subconsciously embedding it with bane particles,”

Freed finished writing and a familiar circle of purple writing bloomed around the two mages. Laxus experimentally put his hand out and felt the firm barriers of Freed’s runes.  

“I’ll play along. What parameters did you write this time?” Laxus asked.

Freed smiled. “I kept it simple. You can’t leave this circle until you kiss me,”

Laxus snorted. “No fight to the death? You’ve gotten soft, Freed the Dark,” 

“Only for you,” 

Obediently, he kissed Freed, and the circle collapsed around them, as expected.

“So, is that what you’re teaching me?” 

Freed laughed, despite himself. “Complex condition-based Jutsu Shiki? Laxus, that would take years,” 

“No, consider– what isn’t important isn’t what I wrote, but how it is broken. Traditionally, my Jutsu Shiki can be broken by meeting the conditions like we just did, or by rewriting it, like Levy can. But unknown to most, there’s a third way,”

“A third way?”

“I’ve never personally encountered it but in theory…a particularly strong enemy could cancel the jutsu shiki by destroying the bane particles that power it,”

Freed’s jutsu shiki was powered by Bane particles? Though he didn’t understand all the details, Laxus seemed to be slowly putting things together. “So it doesn’t matter what I write…”

“..It just matters that the specific enemy thinks you are utilizing the Jutsu Shiki as a power-up or a trap and as a result cancels out the bane particles. As long as you can write the runes in a fight and are inside the Jutsu-shiki when the cancellation happens,” Freed took a deep breath. 

“They will be canceling out the bane particles within you as well,”

Freed paused thoughtfully. “Once again, theoretically,”

It hit Laxus all at once. 

“God, you’re fuckin’ brilliant Freed,” Laxus exclaimed as brought Freed into a bone-crushing hug. 

Laxus couldn’t believe it. He had nearly given up, nearly resigned himself to this slow and painful suffering. But Freed, Freed in his stubbornness and determination to save him, had given Laxus his hope back, no matter how uncertain and unlikely and fragile it still all seemed. 

There was so much to say and keep saying–thank you, you’re the best damn thing to ever happen to me. But Laxus knew what Freed wanted to hear at this moment, more than anything else.

“This will only work with a shitton of prep. How do I start?” 

The rune mage smiled brightly. Clearly the sense of hope had infected him as well. “Well, we have a lot of work ahead of us, Laxus. I’m only going to teach you a simple power-up spell, but still–the act of writing runes will have to become second nature to you. That’s the only way you’ll ever be able to use it in combat,” 

“I’m ready to start teacher,” Laxus replied with a smirk. 

Freed rolled his eyes. “You don’t need to call me that,”

“What about master?”

“What about you stop goofing around,” Freed pulled one massive book from his immense pile and plopped it into Laxus’ hands. “And start studying. We don’t have any time to waste,” 

[lisiya-gori]

@helenekuragina so, vera is interesting because tolstoy based her on liza behrs (his sister-in-law), who he didn't like and who he thought was annoying and weird. that's why almost every time vera comes up in the novel he makes a point of talking about how annoying and weird everyone thinks she is. it's really the narrator who is saying these things most of the time. tolstoy is fundamentally not interested in vera outside of this. he does not care to explore her personal life or her relationships with her parents or siblings. the other rostovs barely talk about vera at all when she's not present in a scene, which is not often.

this means that anything we can say about vera is going to be inherently speculative. this is the case for pretty much everyone in war and peace who isn't a major character. there's a lot going on there, but there are also a lot of gaps, and people are going to fill in those gaps based on their own ideas about the other characters and dynamics at play. in terms of actual textual evidence, we have maybe three scenes to work with.

all that being said, I think it's clear that vera is something of an outsider in the rostov family. I've talked before about how the rostovs' relationships are based around a sort of mutual fantasy, a shared idyll of family togetherness that grows increasingly distant from reality over time. vera, for whatever reason, can't or won't participate in that fantasy. she can't resist pointing out things that everyone's trying to avoid, like the fact that sonya and nikolai's marriage would exacerbate the family's financial problems, or that her parents kind of spoil natasha at the expense of their other kids. nothing she says is wrong, or even especially rude, but by saying these things she breaks the illusion the rostovs are subconsciously trying to preserve: that their happiness is not dependent on all kinds of tears, fears, sacrifices etc, and that things can and will stay the way they are forever.

you see this happen in little ways every time vera shows up. it leads her parents and siblings to respond to her with frustration (we are working so hard to keep this thing together and you are ruining it) and resentment (why should you get to say things like that when nobody else does). it also leads vera to feel sort of superior and contemptuous, in a sort of everyone-here-is-delusional-except-me kind of way. in her mind, they're being annoying and weird. natasha, nikolai, and sonya all want to dress up and sing italian light opera and go on sleigh rides together forever and ever. vera just wants to marry her long-term boyfriend and get out of the damn house.

this illuminates a lot of weird little delusions and hypocrisies in the rostov family dynamic. the rostovs have subliminal resentments and unspoken rules and illusions that are fundamentally unsustainable. does that mean that it's all an illusion and they were never actually happy at all? I don't think so. I think it’s a mistake to assume that a family can only be perfect or terrible, which is the criticism leguin is making of tolstoy’s famous “happy families are all alike” line.

I think it’s actually very plausible to read her as having some of what we today call neurodivergence, which would create obvious tension with her hypersocial, spontaneous, high-context family. there's also something to be said about the way natalya seems to favor the kids that are more like ilya (natasha and nikolai) over the kids that are more like her (vera and sonya). we can't discount the impact of gender here, both in terms of garden-variety eldest daughter syndrome and in the sense that vera was a firstborn daughter in a patriarchal aristocracy. she and nikolai seem to be very very close in age (she's 17-18 in 1805 and he can't be much younger than that), and I think she would have really picked up on the fact that she and her brother were treated differently. natasha was born after nikolai, so she wouldn't have been viewed as a disappointment in the same way.

anyway my personal favorite vera theory (for which I have no evidence, just vibes) is that she was an oops baby conceived post-engagement but pre-wedding, which is why they gave her a name that means "truth."

[endlesslyicymechanism]

✨Lineage Theories✨

The similarities between the 4 characters : Hunt, Bryce, Azriel and Gwyneth are too eerily connected to simply ignore. Apart from a long list of similarities we can easily name off, I’d like to go with one specifically. We learnt that Hel bred Hunt on Midgard to essentially be a surrogate Truth-Teller for Bryce, makes me wonder if Gwyn was similarly bred on Prythian to be a surrogate Gwydion for Azriel. When Gwyn finds Nesta in the 5th level, Nesta tells us that Gwyn doesn’t condescend her for lurking around yet only asked what she saw there, with a ‘grave curiosity’. And it was Gwyn who sensed the ‘cat’ presence and hurried Nesta from there. The one many theorize as Aidas, Prince of Hel. Does that mean, similar to Hunt, she’s receptive to demons ?

The Great Rite happens not just in Spring but in all courts and territories to fuel the magic of the land. Sangravah seems to be a territory, remote up somewhere with a leg of Cauldron buried in it. There were definite shenanigans happening with the Great Rite where Gwyn was conceived. Hybern and Rhysand both have mentioned about the High Priestesses’ vision : A high lord-less Prythian run by them. Were the priestesses like Ianthe basically trying to do a breeding experiment with powerful bloodlines like the Bene Gesserit in Dune? There’s no way in hell ‘Gwyn’s dad not showing up asking for his twin girls’ was thrown in just to fill the gaps. What if her dad was not from Pyrthian and from Hel instead ? Gywn and others might’ve probably been bred for specific powers in order to achieve that goal. Which is WHY Hybern has his men kill as many of them under a certain age (note : they exclusively wanted the girls. Maybe for a far bigger, collective reason than rape). 

The repeated mentioning of world stilling, Cassian and Azriel feeling this other worldly shift, far greater forces peering into the training ring as Gwyn cut the ribbon and Azriel handing over the necklace to Clotho (the spinner of fate in Greek mythology) are too eerie to just shrug off. Also, When Gwyn and Nesta wake up earlier than everyone else in the Blood Rite. Nesta thinks it is because she is made. Gwyn thinks it is because they aren't Illyrian. But it is most likely because they are both something else. The Starborn and the Made have similarities, so maybe this is another clue ?  Apart from the obvious similarities between Bryce and Gwyn, yet another really interesting take is when looked at in conjunction with the parallels between Hunt and Azriel. Both have pretty much the same scent, both have epithets related to shadows, both are dark haired, tan skinned with wings, both are introverts, both have been tortured and both have jobs that involve torture. Azriel is also speculated to be Starborn by Bryce. Aidas visited Bryce at a low point in her life, did Aidas visit Azriel when he was locked alone in the dungeon too ? Did he gift him with the shadowsinger powers ? 

Is there some mating bond double cross thing going on? Are the two worlds somehow mirroring each other? Or Is SJM just a broken record ? 🤔

[3ris-d1st0rtionnn]

Statement of Eris [̴̡̡̯͇͕̻̝̱̘̐͗̓́̽̈́̈́͐͛̂̍̓̔̌̊͠R̸͙͎̼͈͑̌̽͒̽̓̅̀͘E̴͔̭̬̍̅́̃̎̏͋̂̇́̕̚D̴̡̫̤̰̝̲͍̪̖̥̥͙̭̭̰̱̜͖͍̹̟̬̋̑͛̆̀̄̚͜͜A̵̛͕͚͉͈͖̤̳̫̔̀̿̾͆͛͋̊̈́̄̿̀̒́͗͆̀̍̏́̊̐̑͝͠C̶̡̨̢̢̡̡̥͔̣̺̤̙̖͕̭̬̻̥͈̻̪̮̞̞̝̯͙̘̰̮̀̃͐̔͗͜ͅŢ̴̢̟̪̦̟̳̫̹̳͈͉̤͍̰̫̯͙̊̾̅̎̑̚E̷̡̢̛̞̼̜̞̪͓͕͉̰̘̞͉̤̺̮̭̯͛́̾͛̃̋̅̅̓͋̈́͆̆̑́̌̆̈͋͊̿͛̿̃̽̎̚͠͠ͅḐ̸̛̞͕̗̠̜̰̗̣̘͖̱̜̗͔̩͈͙̙̣̫̪̝̤͇͉̰̙̹̠̉ͅͅͅ]̶̛̻̟̥̘͇̬̫̹̠̤͕͔̏̓̕, regarding their university’s art school.

It was… I want to say a year ago. Maybe two, but my perception of time feels so strange now. It feels like I’m recalling some strange dream, but I know that what I saw was real. I know I lived this… experience.

To preface, I’m an art student at a local university. My university’s Arts building is definitely one of the older ones on campus and seems to have been renovated over time, leading to a very confusing layout. With all the additions and extra studios being repurposed and built over time, the place is pretty easy to get lost in if you don’t know it well. I like to say I know the place like the back of my hand from spending most of my classes there, I know I should, but… then I found the staircase. The door.

It was on my class list, the first day of my third year. “Advanced Visual Arts, Room 401”. I had no recollection of signing up for this class at all, and Room 401… shouldn’t exist. Rooms in the Arts building are numbered based on floors, with the 100s being on the 1st floor, 200s being on the 2nd… There is no 4th floor in this building. Nobody I asked had any idea where it could be; most looked at me like I was insane and some speculated that the room number was a typo, but I’d be damned if I missed my first class of the semester.

And so… I went looking for Room 401.

Looking back, I should have known something was horrifically wrong. The building seemed quieter the further I moved from the front studios, as if no classes were in session. I could hear the occasional distant voice echoing through the halls, but I never once saw another student or professor. I knew all these hallways, but the layout seemed different, like one of those dreams where a familiar location is… almost shuffled around. I eventually found myself on the 3rd floor access staircase - where else would I go if I was looking for this nonexistent 4th floor? - and it… It kept going. The staircase just kept spiraling up past the 3rd floor, into a space that I knew was never there. And at the top… A door. A standard wooden door, covered in stray paint splatters and labeled Room 401 with a rusted metal plate.

I don’t remember opening the door. I don’t remember stepping past that damn threshold. It was like I blacked out, like there’s a gap in my memories I can’t fill in. All I remember is the dread. The terror. The sense that something was wrong.

The door led into… I want to say it looked like part of the Arts building, but it didn’t. It was like an imitation, some kind of sick mockery. The walls were painted in sickly primary colors, so vivid they hurt my eyes to look at. The fluorescent lights overhead had a nauseating yellow cast to them. Hallways and doors branched out at odd angles that just didn’t look right, more like something out of a poor drawing.

I didn’t try to go back the way I came. Part of me knew the door wouldn’t open, and the thought made me feel sick with dread.

I’m not sure how long I’d been walking before the halls opened up into… what I can only describe as some kind of classroom, or maybe a gallery space. The walls were covered in these strange paintings; none of them were framed, just warped paper pinned to the walls, and I couldn’t make out any images. It wasn’t that they were abstract though, I knew I was supposed to be seeing something in them, but I just couldn’t decipher any of the images. A worn pedestal was placed in the center of the room, displaying a mannequin head. It appeared to be made of plaster, crudely painted to resemble… my face.

That, of all things, was my breaking point. I turned to leave, hoping to run back the way I came, but… the door to the room had vanished. It was just another wall, perfectly solid as if a door had never been there. I remember screaming, trying to claw away the papers and paintings in hope that another door was hidden beneath them, but I just… never got anywhere. There had to be hundreds of layers of the damn things, either that or… the room didn’t want me to go. And throughout my screaming, my feverish attempts to find a way out of this room… I felt a presence, like reality beginning to unravel around a set point… and that point was right behind me.

When I finally turned around to face it, when I saw what had been watching me struggle… it was like my screams couldn’t get out anymore. Trust me, I wanted to scream, but I… I couldn’t.

The thing, it… looked like me, but in the loosest, most awful sense. It was like seeing myself reflected in a funhouse mirror; it had my face, my hair, even the handmade jacket I was wearing, but… wrong. Distorted.

Its limbs were too long and disproportionate, almost appearing to bisect the pedestal it was sitting on as if its body didn’t know how to interact properly with anything physical. Its long, claw-like fingers twitched periodically, bent out of place as if they were broken. I couldn’t even focus on the buttons and patches on its jacket… Not when they changed appearance and position every time I looked at them. It just… smiled at me with this awful, knowing look in its painfully colorful eyes, like it knew something I didn’t.

And then… it laughed.

Its mouth opened, tearing right past the boundaries of its face to expose countless rows of teeth. The paintings all over the walls began to shift, incomprehensible images melting off the pages and bleeding together at a pace I couldn’t understand. It was like there was a message for me in there, one that I’d never be able to comprehend. And its voice… Its voice was like nails on a chalkboard, like the remnants of a lost radio signal, like glass shattering against my brain. I could hear it inside my head, burrowing and clawing at my psyche like a parasite while I dropped to my knees and screamed and screamed and-

…and my eyes snapped open.

I was… back on the 3rd floor staircase, surrounded by concerned students. Apparently somebody had heard me screaming and found me collapsed on the floor, nearly unconscious, but… I don’t remember that.

The stairs ended at the 3rd floor. Of course they did. They always have.

I understand if you don’t believe me, I really do… I’m not even sure if I believe myself, but… I can’t stop thinking about what happened. I keep seeing that door in my dreams, that same echoing voice and… no. No, it’s just my anxiety.

That’s it. Anxiety. It’s not real.

Statement ends.

[salixsociety]

Ullr's Oath

On building a relationship with the gods of cold and dark.

With the seasons so rapidly changing in Alaska, I am reminded of my eternal wish to honor the cycle of everything in my religious practice as well. Watching 'termination dust' gather on mountaintops and birches rapidly dropping their foliage in preparation for the harsh cold of subarctic winter, I feel a need to leave behind my familiar gods of agriculture and productivity in favor of a new journey: seeking acquaintance with the frigid gods of winter.

The Learning

"Ullr is a god about whom not much is known," crows every source at me as I tentatively dip my toes into winter worship. The past few weeks, complacency has been the theme: scholars know Ullr must have been of great import to the Old Norse cultus, but they consider what they do have insufficient to construct a hypothesis with, and leave it at that. Go figure. While I have no desire to completely abandon my summer gods just yet - I've just given them thanks for my fruitful salmon run and wild adventures - I know the time is coming, and I am unwilling to turn a blind eye to a god I feel is calling my name. And so I am neck deep in books and other sources, finding nothing, and I figure it may be time to do what I always dread doing: close my eyes to the sparse Eddic attestations and speculation of others, and reconstruct, damn it. Reconstruction, or reviving, whichever word you think is more appropriate (I am aware which is which is a hot button topic, and I have no desire to strongly associate myself with either community) based on little more than intuition is something I do not do often. I like, probably more than I should, doing things by the book. If something is not attested to, or I don't have reasonable cause to assume it was done historically, I do not engage with it. And I am aware that is a flaw of mine, religion does not have to reflect the way the ancestors did it for every tiny facet of it. That is just the Appeal to Age fallacy, as it were. After all, I feel no need to replicate certain historical morals, such as flagrant misogyny or xenophobia. The security of setting every step in the footprint of an ancestor needs to make way for change and, dare I say, improvement, at some point. So I will take what we know about Ullr, and I will take what I know about other gods, and fill in the gaps with my cosmology that I have worked so hard on, that I think is completely compatible with or even similar to the cosmology that upholds the old Germanic religion in its entirety.

Ullr, who'll be the main focus of our exploration today, is only mentioned thrice in the Poetic Edda, and twice in the Prose Edda. Most are truly nothing more than mentions; they don't tell us much about who he is, what he does, or what he stands for. The Poetic Edda tells us where he lives, in Grímnismál:

Ýdalir heita þar er Ullr hefir sér of görva sali. Ýdalir it is called, where Ullr has himself a dwelling made. [Thorpe]

Ýdalir translates directly to 'yew dales', plural. It may well refer to a single location that he calls home as well, but that is not otherwise attested to, and the plural stands out to me, reassuring my understanding of the gods as indwellers: they are not just narrative tools to describe nature, they are nature, and can be found in every aspect of it. The idea that Ullr would dwell in yew-dales makes sense, as the Prose Edda reveals in Skáldskaparmál that Ullr is also known as bow-god, among others, and bows are often crafted out of Yew wood. Yew (taxus baccata) is a closed-pore softwood. Some of the oldest longbows in the world were found in England and Wales, and they were made out of yew. This preference for yew is not for no reason: it is easy to carve, long-lasting, extremely well suited for compression and tension, and much associated with death across Europe. Yews used to be placed in church- and graveyards across Europe, both to supply wood for weapons, but also because of its association with strong spirits. In Greco-Roman mythology yew was associated with Chthonic deities, ghosts, and even magic, and Artemis dipped her arrows in yew poison for a more effective hunt. The Gauls, too, made bows and arrow-poison with yews. It is a symbol of mourning as well, both because it was planted so abundantly in graveyards and because it was used during funerals and mourning periods across Europe. (de Cleene, 2024) This strong association with death was likely a two-way phenomenon: it probably came about because of how somber-looking and extremely poisonous the tree is, and then stuck because of its use in both causing and protecting death, being used both as weapon and graveyard hedge. But let us turn our gaze back to the written sources.

The other two mentions of Ullr in the Poetic Edda are equally short. One provides us with one of many hints that Ullr was quite important, as Odinn attempts to call a blessing upon whosoever tries to save him from a torturous predicament he has gotten himself into:

Ullar hylli hefr ok allra goða hverr er tekr fyrstr á funa, því at opnir heimar verða of ása sonum, þá er hefja af hvera.

Ull’s and all the gods’ favour shall have, whoever first shall look to the fire; for open will the dwelling be, to the Æsir's sons, when the kettles are lifted off. [Thorpe]

In his instruction to his potential saviors he calls on them the blessing of Ullr in particular. This could be for no reason: he does also mention every other God in shorthand, and the name was likely used primarily to fit the meter and rhyme of the poem. Still, it is an potentially interesting choice, considering the relationship between Odinn and Ullr that we will uncover.

The final mention of Ullr in the Poetic Edda, this time in the Atlakviða, mentions his ring, and swearing an oath on it.

Svá gangi þér, Atli, sem þú við Gunnar áttir eiða oft of svarða ok ár of nefnda, at sól inni suðrhöllu ok at Sigtýs bergi, hölkvi hvílbeðjarok at hringi Ullar.

So be it with thee, Atli! as toward Gunnar thou hast held the oft-sworn oaths, formerly taken - by the southward verging sun, and by Sigtý’s hill, the secluded bed of rest, and by Ullr's ring. [Thorpe]

Rings and oaths are like peanut butter and jelly in Germanic myth. Rings of all kinds (finger rings, neck rings, arm rings) have played a very important role in Germanic culture for a long time, as currency, as indications of wealth, as amulets, and as subjects to swear sacred oaths on. Now Ullr was likely not the oath god, as Germanic polytheism is not wont to have a singular god for a singular purpose, really ever. But he may have been one of many oath gods, and we will keep this in mind as we move forward. The Atlakviða and Grímnismál are often thought to be the oldest surviving Eddic poems, and that may be the reason they are the only ones to mention Ullr. Ullr may have fallen out of favor or grown increasingly less common as time went on in the old Germanic cultus. Still, he is a fascinating figure worth exploring.

The Prose Edda mentions Ullr twice, once in Skáldskaparmál, and once in Gylfaginning. The former, Skáldskaparmál, gives us an indication of the kennings that may be used for Ullr.

Hvernig skal kenna Ull? Svá, at kalla hann son Sifjar, stjúp Þórs, öndurás, bogaás, veiðiás, skjaldarás.

'How should Ull be referred to?' 'By calling him the son of Sif, the stepson of Thor, the god with skis, the god with a bow, the hunting god and the god with a shield.' [Poole]

This does not give us much to work off of immediately, but it is a good indication of what sort of space he occupied in the pantheon. These kennings tell us he is a god of winter, of traversing snow, of battle and of hunting. We can compare him to Skadi, a goddess occupying a similar niche of mountains, hunting, and cold. It also tells us half of the story of his ancestry - but of course ancestors are not limited to blood in Germanic polytheism. His connection to Thor as his stepfather could be quite important.

His final attestation in Gylfaginning reiterates most of this, with a few additional details:

Ullr heitir einn, sonr Sifjar, stúpsonr Þórs. Hann er bogmaðr svá góðr ok skíðfærr svá, at engi má við hann keppast. Hann er ok fagr álitum ok hefir hermanns atgervi. Á hann er ok gott at heita í einvígi.

'Ull is the name of one. The son of Sif, he is the stepson of Thor. He is so skilful a bowman and skier that no one can compete with him. He is beautiful to look at, and is an accomplished warrior. He is also a good person to pray to when in single combat.' [Byock]

The final written source that mentions Ullr is the Gesta Danorum, where the gods appear euhemerized. It gives us an absolutely fascinating account of Ullr as a practitioner of Seidr, using magical means of transportation as other gods associated with magic, and even witches, are wont to do.

Fama est, illum adeo praestigiarum usu calluisse, ut ad traicienda maria osse, quod diris carminibus obsignavisset, navigii loco uteretur nec eo segnius quam remigio praeiecta aquarum obstacula superaret.

The story goes that he was such a cunning wizard that he used a certain bone, which he had marked with awful spells, wherewith to cross the seas, instead of a vessel; and that by this bone he passed over the waters that barred his way as quickly as by rowing. [Elton]

Furthermore, the Gesta Danorum details Ullr as a usurper of Odinn's throne. It does so in a euhemerized fashion, presenting Ullr as a real man in Danish history, who usurps Odinn's throne when he is banished for misbehavior, rules for ten years, and is then banished to 'Sweden' for his crimes upon Odinn's return. Because it is euhemerized and quite convoluted, I will not include the full attestations here, but I will tell you where to find them: in the Gesta Danorum, book three.

So where does this leave us? We have before us a deity mentioned only in passing and in place names. The shadow of a figure so imposing and well-known that the authors of old simply did not feel a need to record him. "Who doesn't know Ullr?" But I, now, a thousand years later, do not. And I would like to.

The Work

Ski god, hunter, warrior, duelist, seidmann, yew-dweller, usurper, heartthrob. What on earth to make of thee? I have some ideas.

A great way to start the process of reconstructing old faith on very little, is to ask yourself questions based on what you do know, and fill them in with speculation. For example: who is Ullr's father? Normally the Eddas, especially the Prose Edda, are quite clear about the paternal lineage of the gods, but nothing is said of Ullr's father. That said, we can speculate. Ullr must, if he likes to ski and hunt, be a lover of the mountains and the wintertime, like Skadi is. Skadi is a giantess, and this is completely in line with her place in the world. She resides in the mountains where the snow never melts, and she uses the snow to her advantage. She feels most comfortable in it. This trait, a certain love for what many would consider something detrimental to mankind and an origin of hardship, is the norm for giants. In fact, Jotunheim, the realm of the giants, is often interpreted as being all the parts of the world that are untameable by mankind, and will always harbor an inherent danger to the residents of Midgard. Rocky mountains, deep sea, arctic tundra, the utgard (outer realms), that is the territory of giants. It can hardly be considered a stretch, then, to assume that Ullr's mysterious father might be a Jotunn. What does the rest of his ancestry tell us? Son of Sif, stepson of Thor? Thor and Sif have one other child, Thrudr. Thrudr ('strength') is not talked about much in the written sources, but I have always understood her to be an indication of what the marriage of Thor (love for mankind, protection, brutal power), and Sif (agriculture, wealth, marriage, unity, fertility) brings about. Beauty and strength, power. This sort of symbolic familial relationship can be seen across Germanic polytheism, and I do not think it to be a stretch to take that into consideration when attempting to reconstruct Ullr's place in it all. Ullr, assuming he has a frost giant for a father, and Sif for a mother, would be a god of fruitfulness (Sif) in trying times (Jotunn). We see this reflected in what little we can scavenge about his lore: he is a proficient hunter known for his skilful skiing. Taking that to mean that he was a god of success in the wintertime, and the bounty of the earth in the resting season, he may be a good god to pray to when one is struggling with a slow season. Whether one is quite literally hunting in the snow and wishing for a caribou to appear, or experiencing a slow season in business and in need of some life blown into their sales. You can stretch this sort of symbolism quite far in the modern age, in my experience.

Successful hunting in the snow requires good equipment. Ullr was of course known for his skis, or snowshoes, and his affinity for bows, so that box can be checked. But there are more gaps to fill. Hunting in the cold requires being well-dressed, as the gods were never said to be impervious to the cold. Ullr must have been clad in many many furs, acquired over years of hunting and processing. One could stand to reason that one could very well offer furs and suchlike to Ullr, or depict him wearing many furs. And being associated with yew, one could assume that he was not just aware of its phenomenal wood for longbow making, but also for its toxin, very well suited to dipping arrows in. But there is an extra layer to these things. Saxo Grammaticus' description of Ullr as a powerful wizard may seem random and easy to dismiss, but to me, it feels extremely significant. Maybe it's because I am devoted to Odinn, maybe it is because I see magic everywhere, but I wish to explore the idea of Ullr as seidmann. For example, in skaldic poetry and other sources of kennings, we often see that a shield can be referred to as 'Ullr's ship' in various ways. Some say that early skis and snowshoes may have resembled shields, others have it that Ullr's ship may have been called 'Shield'. But why would Ullr need a ship, except perhaps to leave Asgard when he is chased out for his crimes as a usurper? And if that is truly it, we should consider that many things in Norse mythology have a double meaning of sorts. Indeed, in some iterations of the myth, Ullr may have been banished on a ship named Shield, but in others, he may have used his shield as a ship, just as he could potentially use his shield as both mundane and magical transportation in the mountains: as a snowboard, and as a means of traversing realms. Especially compelling for this theory is the idea that when Ullr is banished from Asgard, he is banished to Helheim, which means he may indeed have needed realm-traversing transportation. But that's something to come back to later.

Furs and skins, too, are tools of the practitioner. It is a fairly well established idea, after all, that berserkers and the like used furs for their work, and berserking is very much magic. This is reflected in the belief of the old Norse that we are made up out of many semi-autonomous spirits, one of which is the hamr, your 'skin'. But it doesn't actually refer to your skin so much as it refers to your second skin, your air, the way you come across to others. A berserker would use ecstasy, rage, and other high emotions to manipulate his hamr into embodying some wild and powerful animal like a bear or a wolf, and his furs greatly helped him along in that endeavor. Skins, too, play many roles in magic. While there have never been any archaeological drum finds, we know the old Norse must have had them. They used both their shields as drums, and more than likely, actual skins to make drums, in a way to achieve a highly emotive state for berserking, trance work, and other such rituals. Ullr likely being familiar, intimately, with both of these items lends more credence to the image of him as seidmann. More proof to feed into the idea of Ullr being a practitioner of magic, is that he is so fond of yew trees. As mentioned before, yew trees are not just trees used for weaponry. They are associated strongly with death and magic across Europe. Known in some Germanic languages as the 'tree of death' (e.g. Boom des Doods, Dutch), it is a crucial tree in the symbolism and handling of death in Germanic cultures, and how interconnected death and magic are in those selfsame cultures is so intricate, it would require a novel of its own. Yew worn as an amulet was said to protect the wearer against witchcraft, and making crosses out of yew branches and hanging them about the house would bar witches and dwarves entry. These beliefs are ancient, and very much rooted in the connection between death and magic.

Perhaps most important of all, expanding on the connection between death and magic, one should note also the connection between hunters and magic. Ullr is one of the oldest gods in the Germanic pantheon we can conceive of, as evidenced by the fact that he is most prominently mentioned in the oldest Eddic poems we know, and how he has become almost obsolete as time has gone on. This would mean Ullr finds himself firmly placed in a culture where the practice of magic and the effort of the hunt go hand in hand. Indeed, the hunter, especially the prehistoric hunter, is one of the most prolific magicians out there. To hunt successfully is to know the land and its spirits, to read the landscape, to commune with its spirits, to see the tracks of an animal and speak its language. To hunt successfully is to know death, to not fear it, to deliver it honorably and respectfully. Though one cannot approach a hunter to cure a curse or change fate, there are few people better suited to teach you the magic of the land. There is ritual in the hunt, also. Go out, divine upon your surroundings, find what you seek, annihilate it. Process it, offer thanksgiving to it, consume it, honor it. Go out again, and see the renewal of that which you destroyed. Ullr knows death and rebirth like no other.

The hunt and magic are not the only places that Ullr might signify and be familiar with death and rebirth. Ullr is also a winter god, in many ways, and we see this represented in a fascinating way, again, in the Gesta Danorum. Saxo details that Odinn practices seidr, something considered womanly and unusual for a man to do, bringing shame on Asgard, and they banish him from their realm. For fear of accidentally bringing themselves down, they give the throne to Ullr, to rule in Odinn's stead and as Odinn's equal. For ten years Ullr rules, according to Saxo, before the gods pity Odinn and decide to restore his glory. Odinn, upon being reinstated, banishes Ullr to 'Sweden', where the 'Danes' slay him when he tries to recreate the glory he experienced while ruling Asgard and Midgard.This tale seems illogical at first glance, and the fact that Saxo presents the gods as though they were real historical figures does not make his books easier to decipher. Even so, this story is not founded in nothing. For one, it is true that Odinn practices seidr. And while not every interpretation of the myth has it that he is banished for it (or even that he is disliked for it), it does appear to be universally known that Odinn wanders. He travels extensively, often leaving Asgard for months at a time. Even if Odinn was never banished, it could well be true that Ullr usurps his throne and takes up a role as ruler during the winter months, and being a frost giant and ostensibly not very generous, he allows the world to become shrouded in cold and dark. There are two reasons I do not find this hard to believe. Firstly, metaphorical and poetic motifs used to symbolize the coming and going of seasons are not uncommon in Germanic myth. Vali's story of vengeance and retribution against the god of darkness is often said to represent the return of spring, for example. Even though this technically only happens once in the myths, it does represent the cyclical disappearance of the dark winter in favor of budding spring. Why would it not be equally possible that Ullr's usurping could be a myth with a double meaning? Even if how Saxo tells it is truly how the old ones told it, that could still quite easily mean that this single instance of supplanting represents the arrival of winter, or even that Saxo was retelling a myth that had it that Ullr usurped the throne every winter, when Odinn was out roaming the realms. Secondly, in Germanic folklore in particular, there are traces of evidence that suggest that Ullr was seen as a bringer of snow. Frau Holda, also known as Vrouw Holle, Bertha, Perchta, et cetera, in some iterations of her lore, is married to one Holler, who is said to have covered her lush green dwellings with a layer of snow year after year, so that they may regrow equally green the next spring. (Guerber, 1929)

But then one could wonder, where does Ullr go when he is banished from Asgard for usurping the throne? Truth is, it's hard to say. Some theories say that he travels to Helheim and makes friends with Baldr there. Others, that he returns to the mountains and summers there until the time to reassume his position as chief comes around. To me, what makes the most sense, is to picture Ullr as a wanderer-god, just like Odinn. That he would traverse realms, especially taking to cold and high places both inside and outside of Midgard, does not seem like a stretch to me. Indeed, we've already established the potential of skis and other suchlike attributes to be used for realm travel, and we know that skis are associated with exceptional speed and traveling power, as seen when Skadi catches up with her father, a hawk, on skis, when no other god is able to. A hunter traverses great distances in search of prey, after all.

Ullr's mention in the oathtaking in Atlakviða is another great but innocuous piece of evidence to suggest his great importance, though faded by the time the myths were recorded. The last oath is often the most solemn and serious, and it being sworn on him suggests he was indeed treated with much respect, and had a prominent place among the gods once upon a time. The Lilla Ullevi, an archaeological dig that revealed an exceptionally well-preserved cult site, proved to be dedicated to Ullr, and it featured some amulet rings. Likely, oaths were sworn on these things, and Ullr was thought to preside over these oaths as a judicial god. Folklore has it that a ring upon which an oath has been sworn to Ullr could shrink suddenly, and sever the wearer's finger, if they failed to keep their oath. Now this is truly all speculation, but nothing fascinates me more than the relationship between Odinn and Ullr both from a comparative mythology perspective, and a religious perspective. I like to imagine that Ullr, as oathkeeper, maintains an oath to Odinn to always allow him to come back to rule, to always allow spring to return to the lands. This is not something I believe was actually in the myths, nor do I necessarily believe there was even a true spoken agreement between the two, but isn't it beautiful to see the cyclical nature of summer and winter, and back and forth usurping of the throne of Asgard, as a sort of oath? To imagine the dutiful handing off of the throne to the other ruler, admitting that their contribution, too, is crucial for the good of the world?

Ullr’s name, as our final topic of interest, is something deserving of some extra examination as well. Ullr comes from the reconstructed Proto-Germanic *Wulþuz, meaning glory. That word in turn derives from the reconstructed Proto-Indo-European noun *wul-tus, meaning sight, gaze, appearance, of which the root in turn means ‘to see’. What’s fascinating about this word is that it’s very much related to words in other European languages that have taken the ‘see’ aspect and turned it into second sight. Old Irish filed, meaning seer or poet, is a great example, and one can find others in other Celtic languages such as Middle Welsh and Middle Breton. The idea that Ullr would be somebody with second sight is not so crazy, considering his possible proclivity for magic and realm travel. One can wonder if his name was not always to mean ‘glorious’, but it may well have, or even had a double meaning at one point.

Ullr's being an equal of sorts to Odinn, once upon a time, is an absolutely fascinating idea to play with from a reconstructionist perspective. Not only are they proving to be more similar than previously thought, both being practitioners of magic, rulers of Asgard, gods of death, fearsome warriors, ring-bearers, oathkeepers, and travelers between realms, they may in the distant past have had a common origin. It doesn't surprise me, for that reason, that Ullr seems to have been so incredibly important to the cultus predating all the written sources we have. It also comes as no shock to me that I feel so strongly drawn to Ullr, as somebody devoted quite passionately to Odinn.

The Worship

I have always feared winter, as it were. Where I am from, winter is nearly extinct; snow and ice and frigid cold have made way for seemingly eternal grey, constant rain, and a damp chill that settles in your bones, but is never cold enough to warrant more clothes than one would wear in the fall. I have fled, now, to a place quite the opposite of that: Alaskan winters are long, harsh, dark, and full of snow and ice. I prefer it that way. The frigid cold distracts you from whatever horror you may feel at the apparent deadness of the land, and when you are busy chopping wood and marveling at the aurora, there is little time to lament the greyness of the sky. And there is beauty in a harsh winter, too: never before were animal tracks so easy to spot, and the communal struggle of all the creatures of Midgard attempting to survive the cold reminds us of our place in the family of things. Winter offers us the clearest view of the star-dotted sky we could wish for, and on occasion we are blessed to see that black canvas painted with teals, greens, whites, purples, even reds. Winter is a time of rest, of coming together, of contemplating and recuperating, and celebrating the hard work we did over the summer. Ullr is there, presiding over us until Odinn returns from his roaming. Ullr assists us in our hunt for the materials we need to survive. Ullr feeds us and clothes us. Ullr teaches us the magic and ritual of survival against all odds. He reminds us to hand off responsibilities that tire us, and to honor our promise to do the same for others. Ullr protects us when we do our winter sports, applauds us when we get up after falling. Ullr presides over the oaths we swear during Yule.

We might begin to honor him upon the arrival of the first frost, or other regional indicators of the impending winter. One could make offerings of fur, meat, prey, or even icons of shields, skis, and other such attributes. As the season progresses and the cold becomes a common occurrence, one could honor him by devoting winter activities to him, such as preparing one's residence, buying or preparing a winter wardrobe, processing furs and skins, even shoveling snow. But worship to Ullr doesn't need to be confined to winter, of course. One could call on him for aid during ski trips, during the hunt, during trying times. One could dedicate acts of craftsmanship to him, especially the crafting of weaponry. Historically backed especially, is to pray to Ullr when engaging in martial arts or combat. Acts of worship and devotion to Ullr may be performed in yew thickets, or one may build a shrine to him where a yew grows.

I, personally, look forward to cultivating a relationship with Ullr this coming winter. I will look for the signs of the first frost, and try not to fear the appearance of snow on the mountaintops around me. Though yews do not grow in Alaska, other woods suitable for making bows do, and I will find a good piece to carve an idol out of. I will adorn him with a ring, and furs, and a little bow and some arrows. I'll think of him when I go skiing, when I go hunting, when I sit by my fire. I will honor him by being grateful for the cold snow in my face and the biting wind blowing up the hill. My making it through the winter will be dedicated to him, as I acknowledge Ullr as the one to look towards. Odinn's rage-filled, intensive, wild and emotional magic can make way for practical magic, magic that is pensive and calm, that allows me to sit by the fire and be warmed by it as I learn. I will conserve my energy and the warmth in my bones by turning a calm and learned eye to my surroundings, and maintain the relationships I have cultivated with the spirits of my land, even when they are made harder to recognize by feet of snow. I will traverse the realms, but purposefully, and I will know to make time also for family, food, frith.

I will leave you with this prayer:

Hail Ullr, envied bowman, skier competing with the wind.

Grant us success in our pursuits, and quicken our feet, to reach our destinations sooner.

Hail the hunter, the glorious, the knower of the land.

Grant us wise eyes to see with, and teach us kindly, to understand our place better.

Hail the winter god, the frigid, stepson of Thor.

Take after the mighty protector, keep our hearths, and aid us warmly to survive the winter. ---- If you enjoy my work, please consider purchasing or commissioning some of my written resarch, ordering a reading, or commissioning my art. Click here to see the options. Thank you!

[allwormdiet]

Agitation 3.6

I've known girls in real life who had conversations very close to the one in this chapter. High school was weird.

I like this spiel from Lisa, actually. It explains how she's able to make sense of this world that she's been plunged into, and it does a decent job explaining the status quo of the setting

Ordinarily I'm leery of "a hero is only as good as their villains" but in the context of parahumans it makes a kind of sense. The Protectorate is in good when their heroes are doing important or flashy things, and important stuff isn't happening all the time which means that flashy fills in the gaps.

This is what everyone calls the "unwritten rules," right? Or at least part of it? The phrase hasn't come up in the text yet but that's what I see it as all the time, so I suspect that wording will come up at some point or another. Unless it comes up in a Reddit post in which case fuck me I guess.

It's an interesting concept, but of course it only works as long as everybody plays ball, doesn't it, and there's no guarantee of the good guys or bad guys sticking to it if they think they can get away with it

This actually made me laugh the first time through. Lisa is just like "girl why are we talking about the Endbringers, what is UP"

Also interesting that this chapter is the first time the Endbringers are coming up, and bringing them up at all is... not quite a faux pas, but certainly off-kilter, at least if Tattletale is anything to go off of

I feel bad for Taylor, but it's a little bit her own fault again for the whole "premeditated betrayal" thing

More concerning is the fact that two Undersiders being murderers isn't like. More public knowledge? This feels like another instance of the Protectorate not being as loud about a potential threat as they could be, although maybe it's not too far off from the cops-and-robbers thing like Lisa's speculating and they don't want the team to start escalating in response. I assume we'll find out at some point, but for now another doubt to plague Taylor, not that those seem to stop her

Still funny she refuses to include Rachel as one of her new friends, though

This is really cool of Lisa actually, lifting up someone who is unironically down in the doldrums... and I continue to wonder how much she knows bc if she's giving this pep talk to an aspiring hero who intends to betray her and the rest of her team? Oh my god.

...I swear I'm gonna get to a Lisa POV and immediately keel over from whatever emotional overload it does to me

These kiiiiiiiiiids

This bank robbery is gonna go so smoothly, and absolutely zero repercussions will arise in the wake of this that shape the entire world forever

It's gonna be great

Current Thoughts

Kind of short, or at least it feels short, but I don't know what else could've been added here.

This is the first time we've seen Taylor and Lisa on their own together and it's a fun dynamic, although I imagine it'll be more fun when Taylor feels more comfortable around the friggin psychic next to her

Can't wait to watch these two girls be so normal about each other as the story progresses

Anyway, holy shit, the bank job already. Let's fucking go.

[whiteoutzz]

Please give me your insights/headcanons on whiteout I want to understand her more but I don't really have a lot of headcanons on her. I can't just get a grasp on her character and come up with anything that makes sense (I also don't want to accidentally be ableist when headcanons stuff for her especially since I got into writing and I don't want to write something accidentally ableist.)

Ummm i was not really sure how to approach this one, but ill try! I think its alright to not understand her as a character, as we don't even get to know her that well.

From the surface level things I guess: She is subdued at quiet and had atypical way of speaking and thinking. She likes art and has hard time relating or understanding other dragons, but we briefly see her in comfortable environment, showing that she does have specific confidence to her. And... yeah that is not everything, but alot of it is. Truth be told, we dont know much about Whiteouts internal life.

I think what makes her click to me, is understanding that the text purposefully makes her unknown. If its good or bad writing choice i dont know, but we do get few references to how Whiteout is much more aware of things going on. Depth implied but not explored, left to readers interpretation.

But ignoring what i think of this writing choice, it does serve its purpouse. There is a barrier between Whiteout and other dragons, even dragons she loves. She does not understand them, and might never be able to understand some things, but she is also probably aware of the upcoming doom. She is observant after all, atleast with specific things.

Note. Alot of the things say there this are speculation and im not fully sure if they were intended to be read that way. Because we dont know alot about her, so im just filling the gaps.

Okay so. she watches her brother slowly spiral away, and maybe she always knew that was going to happen. In general her life is pretty miserable, and i dont think she is exactly satisfied with that. With art she creates, while its her interest, its also a coping mechanism, imagining of a better future. Before Thoughtful she doesnt have any real friends beside her brother. (i know that before darkstalker assassination she hangs out within his friend group and plays boardgames but i think while they are on positive relations, i dont think she is fully friends with them. They are friendly but not friends you know?) Id imagine them (Whiteout and Darkstalker) being closer when younger, as they had only eachother, but as Darkstalker is "one going wild" she is left behind in his shadow.

She is used to feeling like not a real person (dragon). She is just an accessory to others, watcher of pseudo god dragons tearing the world apart. Everything is slipping away from her, and soon she looses her family and is left alone with Thoughtful.

Whiteout in general lacks autonomy, both in text and within the story itself. She does not make things happen, but things happen to her. She has no say in the game other dragons are playing.

And i do think she is frustrated by this, it slowly showing overtime.

Also one aspect that intrigues me, but chapter two, before Whiteout hatches. Obviously its biased since its baby Darkstalker pov, but the "Whiteout does not hear the moons" thing. Her either not caring enough or not being aware of the silver right. It shows contrast between her and her brother, with her not desiring power, or maybe feeling apathy towards her place in universe (okay this one might go little far as speculation goes but whatever). It makes you wonder how Whiteout would be if she was 3moons born animus, but that is left for aus to speculate on.

As for heacannons um. Alot of them are mostly minor projections for me, like her having chronic pain or ocd or a lazy eye or whatever. Also shes autistic, obviously, but with her coding its. Yeah she is not canonically autistic but she very much reads as so.

But she also canonically has synesthesia, which i dont have. So um.

Also im sorry but i would need specific examples of headcanons you have for her, but you are probably good, but also i dont know since i dont have any example of that. Umm.

Is this good enough of a response?

[idrawgaystffs]

GLaDOS thinks it’s time to buy an apartment, kinda

Modern AU? Of @bondibee & @sarcasticgaypotato ’s Portal Necromancer AU, particularly to bridge the gap of Middle Ages to GLaDOS Is On YouTube uhh enjoy?

[Note: I’m not a contributor to the canon of the AU and all of my add ons can be OOC or use speculations, thank you!]

“Dear?” Chell turned swiftly to catch her lover’s eyes.

They’d been in the throne room and idling for what felt like an hour before the silence had been broken. This was normal, as GLaDOS would often find ways to fill the room with something else to pass the time other than conversation, and Chell didn’t have “big talker” added to her nature after she’d been revived either. But now she was looking at GLaDOS and listening.

“Have you ever thought we should leave the castle?” GLaDOS’s voice rang clear and with confidence. Though Chell knew the question’s weight was hidden behind her perfect tone. The unknown always was a touchy subject when you’re married to what might be the largest collection of knowledge over the past thousands of years.

Chell hmm-ed. Not in a way signifying agreement or disagreement, but just thought. Because she was thinking about that. How long had it been since she had gone outside? The start of her second life gave her a distaste for the sun and a more nocturnal lifestyle anyways, so she had grown attached to the colder and darker areas of the castle, of course she had regained more sense after GLaDOS and her figured out a schedule that would keep her sane and healthy, so she visited her wife more and more often without the promise of food. But she still did wonder. What was going on out there?

“Did a trespasser say something to make you think about it?” She decided to prod out GLaDOS’s feelings on the matter, why the elf even bothered hiding her thoughts from her knight was rather pointless. They were open books to each other.

“No.” GLaDOS’s tone fell a degree noticeable only to Chell.

“No?” Chell repeated knowingly.

“Maybe Someone Couldn’t Stop Mentioning How ‘This Castle Is So Dusty Does Anyone Even Live Here?’ or ‘I Feel Like The Walls Are Gonna Fall On Me!’ because Then Maybe! I Did Put A Spell On The Walls To Crush Him To Death?! Okay!”

Ah there was her temperamental sweetheart.

“At first I only regretted putting hearing enchantments around the castle because all I’d hear was the random rat in our walls or those two bucket heads clanking down hallways.”

Chell cracked a smile at the mention of the haunted armors, she should visit them later.

“But that Intrusive Fly’s last words had made me think of the last time I remodeled this place.”

Chell perked up at the premise of story time. It wasnt often GLaDOS spoke of times before Chell arrived and, in fact, preferred using either Chell’s arrival or the present as a relative date when referring to her ongoing projects. So she did what she did best and took in what GLaDOS had to say.

“I used to be in a smaller castle than this one. Less adventurers took notice of it and it was easier to maintain while I still practiced magic and it’s uses. Over time, of course, I gained my reputation of being a ‘place of no return’ and a ‘great evil to be vanquished’ and more pests came to bother me. After one particular wave, I had been face to face with an adventurer and I heard him say ‘I did not know such an old fort even existed’ that was the first and last thing he said to me. I decided to remodel the place after that! After all it was less that worm’s words and how I didn’t want another professional ‘hero’ to get into my main chamber. I hadn’t realized just how much time had passed since I had settled down here, so I made new traps, built new walls and was far safer in this territory. And yet, a hundred or so years later, you managed to get here. And you know the rest.” GLaDOS finished her spell and Chell was released to think once more.

Chell hmm-ed again but this time as a show of affection towards the praise. She knew how witty and smart she was to make it through her tests. But the information about there being an predecessor to this castle had stuck in her mind.

So Glados did like to change her living space sometime in her life, but no mortal would live long enough to see the whole life of her moves though so it didn’t cross her mind before she arrived herself.

“You want to change the castle again?” Chell asked.

“No, that’s not what I want.”

“What then?”

“I- I want to know more about what’s going on in the rest of the world. The last few maggots had armor that looked different from how yours looked. Their uniforms were stitched evenly and yet their boots looked like they didn’t fit their feet. I’d never even seen this pattern of clothing, Chell! I want to find out how it’s made and what kind of sorcery people have been making out there if this is where they’ve gotten with just simple textiles!”

Chell was rather surprised at how the topic has blossomed. Glados spoke with vigor that was reserved for science and herself.

“I don’t want to just remodel this place. I know it’s our home, but we’ve stuck around long enough to outlive generations. Time is passing and I think we need to catch up a little!”

Chell stood there, in her 1000 times washed tunic and equally worn pants and felt out of place all of a sudden. From what? She did not know. In this place, in their home, she belonged. A wonder about the outside didn’t mean a desire to leave her comforts. She had only recently, well it felt recent to her, gotten used to being undead, and a blood sucking one at that.

She gave Glados a worried look.

Glados immediately slowed down and grew mellower in tone. “Oh but of course I do care about everything that is here. My snakes, my lab, Blue and Orange, You! But I just need you, and I can go anywhere. We can take whatever we need with us till we find a place to settle down for the Next millennia.” Ending on a sarcastic note to help lighten Chell’s mood.

And it worked. Chell smiled, “Okay.”

Glados lit up again! She knew they’d need time to prepare, but a journey was about to begin. Plus, Chell enjoyed a good challenge.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Unexpected encounters in the waters of the Mosaic Resort

What better way to get away from the long monotony of cold winter days than a bright and sunny resort? Landry called me up as she and the Epiphany just got back from a long mission and are planning to stay at the Mosaic for a short break. Not only the Mosaic’s a couple hours from the camp, there’s this crafting item called mosaic stones that Isabelle and Reese have been interested in getting their hands on.

Of course, things worked out on our end since I don’t have anything going on - same for Isabelle, Daisy Jane, and the others. The Mosaic Resort’s usually super busy, which is part of the reason why Isabelle and I kept putting off a visit there. Mosaic stones aren’t rare, but it feels kinda weird for us to come in and take a bunch of them when there’s so many visitors around. At least around this month when business is a bit slow, I won’t feel as bad for taking all these pretty stones back to the camp.

While the Mosaic Resort is known for it’s architecture, the real magic of the place is underwater. It’s home to many unusual plants and shells, almost like a world of its own. And of course, there’s the mosaic stones, which are named that because they really look like mosaic tiles. I can’t wait to see what we can make out of them.

While the main reason for the trip was to explore the underwater and collect little treasures, we got kinda distracted by another unexpected discovery. It’s kind of a long story that started a few years back and there’s still a lot of gaps to fill in. Unfortunately, with the person in question unable to really say or do anything, all we can do is speculate for now.

To start, a couple years ago, Landry had an encounter with a debt collector from the Interstellar Factions known as Jewel. Not only she was very well known in her department for her work ethic, she also always had two companions by her side. One is her pet starfox Sushi, the other being a teddy bear named Strawberry Milk, who she kept in her messenger bag full of documents and records. Simply put, she was a big deal in both a good way and a bad way.

Landry described Jewel as someone with good intentions, but was severely misguided. She and Yang can go on about what’s wrong with the Interstellar Faction’s debt collector department as a whole and why that whole department eventually fell apart, but that’s a whole ‘nother story. In other words, it’s kinda similar to the situation with the Eagle Stellarons in which it poses itself as a noble cause when in reality, they’re nothing but a bunch of self serving backstabbers who benefit off of other people’s suffering.

Damn, to think that those people were the ones in power, and to have been for so long. At least now they’re forced to face the consequences and pay the price for their actions. What comes around goes around, I guess.

Since I’m comparing the debt collectors to the Eagle Stellarons, I guess Della and Jewel are alike in that regard. While Della had never interacted with Jewel personally, she’s heard of her, at least, how she operated. Seeing their similarities, it makes sense why Della’s interested in knowing more about Jewel and what happened to her after getting expelled from the Interstellar Factions. Some similarities Della pointed out were that they both basically got their position through nepotism, and they never really saw eye to eye with their superiors to the point that they thought distancing themselves from the main group makes a difference.

In an attempt to figure out Jewel’s motives, Della has her own theories based from her perspective and personal experiences why so many people with good intentions are unintentionally complicit in causing harm, and why so many of them refuse to own up to that. I appreciate that she’s taking the time to reflect on herself and is willing to hold herself accountable, as well as admit that she has a lot to learn and unlearn. It’s not a black and white situation, and in reality, no one really falls into a clear category of “good” and “bad”, which is what I think trips up most people when trying to analyze stuff like this.

The biggest takeaway Della got from the fallout of the Eagle Stellarons is this: No matter how good your intentions were, even if you’re being as selfless as possible, you are still capable of doing harm, especially when you feel that it’s necessary to step on other people in order to get things done. Also, you can detach yourself and denounce the other party all you want, but it doesn’t change the fact that you were complicit, whether intentional or not, of contributing to the conflict. That was difficult for her to accept, and she admits that she’s still struggling with it, but that’s the truth. You can either own up to your mistakes and learn from them, or you can bury your head in the sand and play ignorance.

Again, this ties to Landry’s description of Jewel as someone who wants to help people, but her methods of doing so ultimately do more harm than good. Part of the issue was the nature of her job as a debt collector, and those from the Interstellar Factions were known as two faced for good reason. Laufey also met her briefly in the past and thought she was a nice person at first because of how friendly she was. She said Jewel gave off the impression that she was solely there for business and lecture, nothing out of the ordinary.

In reality, Jewel was responsible for evicting an entire neighborhood over a 300 year old debt that was practically impossible to pay off that had absolutely nothing to do with the residents who had been living there anyway. She and Landry later found out that Jewel intentionally stirred up conflict between the neighborhood and the city so she and the debt collectors could take over easily. But even after all that, Laufey said she seemed kinda conflicted, which probably explains why she ended up defying orders later on.

And that leads to the last encounter Landry had with Jewel that led to her demotion. Laufey was tagging along with her on a trip to Acapella to attend a celebration after helping the planet with a crisis a while back. Jewel was there to put a damper on the celebration with a centuries long debt that shouldn’t have existed in the first place due to various circumstances.

So Jewel and her people just came marching in guns blazing and the people obviously protested. And like the previous encounter, she successfully pitted two sides against each other with her proposed solution, which would basically make the citizens forever indebted to the debt collectors. Not wanting a repeat of what happened last time, Laufey tried to take matters into her own hands by trying to reason with Jewel as well as encourage the people of Acapella to stand up for themselves when the other debt collectors tried to push them around.

Long story short, the situation escalated to the point that Jewel and her subordinates were giving conflicting information, resulting in even more chaos and fighting. Laufey said it seemed like she really wanted to help Acapella’s people, but she didn’t seem to understand why they didn’t accept her solution. From how it sounds, Jewel sounds like the kind of person who comes in thinking she knows what’s best for everyone without considering how they might feel about it.

From my experience, I find those kinds of people difficult to get along with. Sure, they may have good intentions and genuinely want to help, but the problem is that they think they’re above everyone else. They expect you to be grateful for stepping in when they’re really just walking all over you and talking over you. Sometimes it’s good to have an outsider’s perspective, but not so much when they flat out ignore your own experiences and feelings. It’s like they’re too blinded by potential that they can’t see the real and tangible that’s often right in front of their faces.

And then there’s those who get overly defensive when you ask them to take a step back. I don’t know, it’s kinda like they expect you to be grateful to the point that you willingly accept what they say and do without question. I really don’t like the whole “I know you better than you know yourself” kind of attitude some people hold. It’s even worse when they do it because they secretly don’t like certain parts of you and would rather see you as an idealized version that fits their standards.

According to Laufey, things got really messy before Landry came in to save the day. After pointing out the glaring flaws in the solution Jewel proposed, Landry made some calls and put her and her subordinates in a difficult position. In other words, Jewel and her people crossed a lot of boundaries that exist for good reasons, and given the situation regarding Acapella’s debt - which, again, should have been forgiven considering the circumstances - Acapella has every right to take legal action against the Interstellar Factions.

Like Laufey said, Jewel seems to be a reasonable person. She realized that she dug a hole for herself and accepted that the only way out was to take full responsibility for what happened. Not only that, she also went out of her way to personally apologize to Acapella’s officials for the troubles she and her people caused. As for the sincerity of her actions, the others felt that she was genuinely remorseful about how things escalated.

All Landry knew was that Jewel got a demotion and a cut in pay. As for what happened after, she had to do some digging. The incident at Acapella seemed to set something off in Jewel as she began defying her orders and acting out. She speculates that it’s a combination of her feeling the need to save the day while trying to one up her detractors. Again, good intentions, but severely misguided to the point where she became nothing but trouble.

While the Interstellar Factions’s debt collectors already have a bad name, Jewel seemed intent on driving their reputation further into the ground than it already was. They were already shady to begin with, and so Jewel pretty much put the final nail in the coffin by highlighting everything wrong with them. Not too long after Jewel was fired, the Interstellar Factions was pressured to shut down their debt collector department.

From there, this is where things get hazy. Landry’s still trying to find out more information, so this is all she has for now. Jewel got herself tangled up with some people with questionable track records. Eventually, she got into a lot of legal troubles and later served time for reasons currently unknown that likely have to do with a murder case. So, her records are likely full of red tape with the word redacted written all over them. Not surprising, to say the least.

And that brings us to the present. According to records, Jewel was released about a month ago. After getting kicked out of the Interstellar Factions, it seems like she went on a downward spiral, throwing her professionalism and rationality out of the window. Because of all the legal troubles and the bridges she burned, by the time she got out, she basically had nothing except for Sushi and Strawberry Milk.

With nowhere to go, she likely wandered around until maybe she decided that she had enough and just gave up on life. And that was probably how Jewel almost ended up at the bottom of the Mosaic River. Had Landry not run into Sushi and Strawberry Milk, Jewel would be dead by now.

We were collecting mosaic stones and admiring the scenery when Jiangyi spotted something in the distance. Landry and Laufey recognized the frantically swimming figure as Sushi, who, in turn, recognized them. Seeing how distressed Sushi looked, Landry followed her. Let’s just say the last thing I’d expect to see is someone trying to let themselves be swallowed up by the waters of the Mosaic.

As it turns out, it looks like we just barely got to her in time. Good thing we’re all CPR certified, which meant we didn’t hesitate as soon as she got out of the water - something we were told pretty much improved her chances of survival by a lot. She was already breathing again by the time the ambulance came.

Right now, Jewel’s stable, but in bad shape. Since she has no emergency contacts or family, Landry’s stepping in and keeping tabs on her. Although we saved her from drowning, she has another hurdle to overcome - pneumonia. Since she’s been living out on the streets for a while, it’s no surprise that she’s in a weakened condition. Landry and Laufey almost didn’t recognize her if it wasn’t for her unusual hair colors, which is a sort of beige white with light blue and purple streaks.

Because she has to be sedated for the ventilator, there’s not much we can do but wait around and hope for the best. There’s no way of determining exactly how long she’s been sick and without treatment - a couple weeks at most - and so the doctors don’t know if there’ll be complications. Even if Jewel recovers physically, her mental state remains a concern. After all, she intended to kill herself, and given what we’ve uncovered about her situation so far, I mean, who can blame her?

Landry has been apologizing for putting a damper on our adventure by being concerned about Jewel’s wellbeing, but I don’t mind. She’s clearly worried about her, and if Jewel truly has no one else besides her companions, Landry should be with her. Laufey’s saddened by this turn of events too and is really hoping that she pulls through. We all are.

For now, we’ve been carrying on as usual, exploring the Mosaic Resort and collecting mosaic stones. Yang managed to talk Landry out of camping out in the hospital waiting room, reminding her that the Epiphany’s a family and that she shouldn’t be shouldering this alone. By that, he means that not only she should take some time for herself, but also let the others help her out. Isabelle, Daisy Jane, and I offered to take shifts too, but Landry said it wasn’t necessary, though she appreciated the gesture. Still, we felt it would help to accompany the others, mainly Laufey, Della, and Fionna, so that’s what we did.

Fionna’s been there before, life just barely hanging on a thread when you’re at your lowest. Aside from physical recovery, she says the will to live is what really determines your fate, is how she puts it. Sure, Jewel might be in for a rude awakening when she comes to, but she has to accept that she’s here, she’s alive, and what happens next is entirely up to her. It’ll be a long road, and far from an easy one.

After learning about Jewel, I can’t help but be invested in her too. I hope, especially for her sake, that she pulls through. This may be beside the point, but I think she’d be a good fit for the Epiphany. I mean, she’s a lost wanderer in need of a clean slate - and it seems like Della and Fionna are the closest to understanding what she’s going through. We were lucky to have found her when we did, so we want to make sure that she’s in good hands.

Life can be full of unexpected twists and turns. I really hope this is one of those good moments where small actions can make a positive impact.

Read on AO3

[sneezemonster15]

I don't understand why Sasuke looks very sad in Gaiden when talking to Naruto about their "collaboration" (for some reason it's written bolded too)?

Ah Anon.

Okay so I have wondered about this too and I had been thinking of writing a post about it, but kept avoiding it. Mainly because Gaiden is convoluted, to say the least. And in order to make sense of it, some contained speculation was in order. However, it is informed speculation, in any case. Here goes.

Why did Kishi write Gaiden? To give Sarada a back story. But he is doing so many other things in it. It's like he is helping outraged fans to make sense of the ending, the one that made SS canon. It's like he was trying to provide a bridge, to fill a gap, in order for us to understand what happened to Sasuke and Naruto at the end.

My suspicion started here.

This was the point when I felt like Sakura has had a clear realization. The clear impression that I got here was that Sakura knew what Sasuke meant. Sasuke did show her some consideration when he was still part of team seven and I felt like she still entertained the thought that maybe Sasuke still had that consideration for her. But war arc showed her again and again, how Sasuke's goals and feelings and priorities had absolutely nothing to do with Sakura and that irrespective of how Sakura feels for Sasuke, Sasuke wouldn't reciprocate.

He saves Naruto from the lava dimension despite a very able Naruto's admonition, but not Sakura who, if weren't for Kakashi, would certainly have perished. And to add insult to injury, Sasuke even explains to Naruto why he did it, while not mincing words about how much Sakura and Kakashi were just circumstantial by-products of his rescue operation. Sakura knows that Sasuke has prioritised Naruto over her before and is still doing it, even at the cost of her potential death. This incident served as a failed litmus test for Sakura.

Sakura would plow on regardless of course, because she still thinks she deserves it, that she deserves him. She has a very twisted sense of self importance, something that is a product of entitlement and immaturity. She was ready to abandon Konoha and become a traitor to trail after Sasuke the first time he was leaving, she was still begging for his attention during the war and even afterwards, while he announced his intention to kill Naruto. Even the horrible genjutsu Sasuke put her in without a second thought wasn't enough to make her re-evaluate her feelings for Sasuke. Her obsession for Sasuke isn't at all about him or how he feels, not like she was ever interested in knowing, but it's about her and that she wants to possess him, even if only in name. So even when she knows Sasuke doesn't and probably never will reciprocate her feelings, she never stops trying. She is after the glory of nailing Sasuke, pun unintended; because it uplifts her own image in her head, that 'she' was the one who finally got to 'get' Sasuke, not Ino, not anyone else, her. At the end of the day, her burning desire to claim Sasuke as hers is stronger than her need of Sasuke's reciprocation, loyalty to Konoha, protecting Naruto or anything else.

So when I saw this panel in chapter 699, it made sense.

Sasuke rejects Sakura's offer, like always, after giving her an unenthusiastic monosyllabic apology in the previous chapter, but it made sense that she would still follow after Sasuke. If a surefire murder attempt, a disturbingly malevolent genjutsu, steadily consistent apathy and vocal disdain wasn't able to budge Sakura's resolve of pursuing Sasuke mindlessly, why break from tradition now?

Sakura's attitude towards Sasuke made me think, what more needs to happen for this girl to realize Sasuke just isn't interested? Everything that ensued after lava dimension convinced me that it doesn't matter what happened or didn't happen, Sakura won't change. That it was never really a question of what would finally make her understand that one sided love doesn't work, but it was always a question of how much was she ready to go through, as long as she gets to have Sasuke.

Well, we are probably never going to find out because Sakura's obsession and one sided 'love' is a much stronger motivation for her than her self respect and long term happiness. I kinda feel sad for her, she just makes for such a forlorn and pathetic figure, so wrong about what really constitutes happiness in life and hence, suffering for it in a world where Sasuke, her husband and father of her child doesn't see her, call her, write her, touch her or recognise their child. :/

When Sasuke was leaving Konoha in chapter 699, his statement to Sakura intrigued me. He does give her an explanation, and assuredly states that he needs to sort out some other things that have been on his mind. I wonder what those things were and how much they had to do with the events that transpired in the preceding chapter, the intense interaction with Naruto that acted as his emotional catharsis and changed his direction in life. Because I believe chapter 698 was a love confession. Post chapter 698, Naruto knows how Sasuke feels for him. Sasuke knows how he feels for Naruto. Sasuke also knows how Naruto feels about him, but that he is still hesitant and confused, as he can't reconcile feeling that way for a boy. But on a fundamental level, he knows.

Of course, Kishi had to find a way to write this whole thing creatively and effectively to mitigate the risk of being too explicit about writing a gay love confession in shounen. But all the evidence of Naruto being a closeted homosexual was already established shrewdly by Kish. He obviously knew he couldn't legitimize a gay couple in shounen so he wrote that horrible ending for money but he knew that he was breaking rules of storytelling. He indicated, like I wrote in another post, that Konoha didn't present the ideal conditions for Sasuke and Naruto's relationship and possible union to be legitimized, especially because now Naruto and Sasuke had the weight of the world upon their shoulders.

I surmise that Sasuke thought deeply about Naruto, their relationship and the possibility of a potential union during his journey after the war. He came back and perhaps presented such a proposal to Naruto but Naruto couldn't accept. Naruto had the weight of Konoha's, his friends', and more importantly his parents' expectations on his shoulders, that he will marry a girl one day.

So even though he realised that he felt quite differently and passionately for Sasuke, he decided to reject the offer. He subsequently married Hinata with what is decidedly the most uncharacteristic and lacklustre of motivations and emotional affectation (I mean, Kishi meant for us to notice it in The Last where he decimated Naruto's character, don't you think?).

But Sasuke accepted him nevertheless. His love for Naruto is like a rock steady faith, a prayer. No matter what happens, he can't and won't stop loving and caring for Naruto. He joined in Naruto's goal of uniting all shinobis, and he is accountable to Naruto. So when this panel appeared, I couldn't help but notice a few things.

Sasuke is a man very much in control of his facial expressions, he doesn't let weakness or vulnerability show in any way, it's his character trait. Except when he is with Naruto. His expression here is clearly sad, dejected, resigned, this is very uncharacteristic of Sasuke especially when he is not in an extreme situation. He sounds like a man who didn't get what he wanted (from Naruto) and now is just going through the motions. He sounds like he is taunting Naruto plainatively, kinda like - You got what you wanted Naruto and I am doing what I promised you. What else is there to it?

There's an element of suffering and melancholia here.

Of course he would rather put himself in harm's way over Naruto, but I couldn't help but notice, like you said, how the lines were bolded out, like Kishi really wanted it to be emphasized. Like I said earlier, one has to pay attention to the deliberation and intent with which the author decides to relay information about the characters and their respective equation.

Naruto here looks stung and properly admonished, like Sasuke's taunt really needled him. It doesn't look or sound like their usual banter. It sounds serious, something that is coming from a much deeper place. And then I noticed Sakura's eyes. She looks panicked, alarmed. Why? Why would she panic at Sasuke taunting Naruto like this? By this time, she knows that Sasuke would always prioritise Naruto over her. It just made me think that she knows something about Sasuke and Naruto. Or suspects something. It's possible I am reading too much into it, but Kishi didn't do it without a reason, that much I am sure of. Everything is intentional. I felt like there's a lot of unsaid things here, just roiling under the surface begging to be noticed since Kishi's hands are tied. More so because of the repeated insistence of Kishi to portray SS as forced and unloving, like it was written to keep appearances. Like the way they talk about each other, calling each other 'my husband' and 'my wife'. Who talks like this in Naruto universe? It's weird. Like Sakura mostly sounds like she is overcompensating for the fact that her husband is almost always away and her child is missing because she couldn't do her job properly.

Then there's obviously Sasuke's very visible distaste at seeing Sakura, his wife he has seen after a decade, followed by his general lack of interest in being around her.

He is quite frankly admitting that the only reason he is with Sakura is Sarada. That's how they are connected.

It's not like Kishi doesn't set up the plot for this. It all starts because Sarada cannot reconcile her mother's lack of knowledge about her husband and his whereabouts with the paltry explanation Sakura has been giving Sarada her entire life. Sarada basically represents the curiosity of the fans, since we are all asking the same questions she is.

It's also very amusing to see how Kishi makes Naruto know and tell the answers to the questions Sarada was asking Sakura. And Naruto obviously knows Sasuke's whereabouts at all times. This makes my suspicion even stronger that SS was written as a sham couple, an couple in name only, just for keeping appearances, because well duh. The real couple is very much still Naruto and Sasuke.

And the way Naruto and Sasuke interact with each other or talk about each other, like an actual married couple, only strengthens this suspicion.

It's the fact that Kishi underlines the fact so pointedly that where Naruto and Sasuke know each other intimately, Sakura doesn't even know if Sasuke wears glasses. Where Naruto and Sasuke actually sound like how old married couples sound, Sakura and Sasuke still talk of each other in a very cosmetic manner, which sounds put on. Where Naruto was able to comfort Sarada about her father in a span of a few hours, Sakura couldn't do it in over a decade.

Sakura is still pulling her usual manipulative endeavours to force Sasuke's hand but Kishi relentlessly points out, certainly more times than necessary, how Sasuke and Sakura's marriage is only just a sham, a couple that has never kissed.

Like seriously, why is this needed? If the objective of the story is to provide a sob story for Sarada so that the audience might feel like potentially rooting for her, why imply that Sasuke is just not into Sakura. Like what narrative purpose is it serving in the story exactly? If Gaiden is supposed to serve as a story to set up Sarada's character firmly in Boruto series, through unraveling her central conflict (estranged father daughter relationship), and subsequently resolving it, either ideally do it with Sakura's help (Kishi does it through Naruto :/) or at least don't make it worse by dropping hints left and right about how absolutely farcical SS is! It totally defeats the purpose of the story.

Why would Kishi do it?

From what it looks like, it seems like Kishi is only providing an explanation as to what might have happened in the blank period after the war.

On his travels, Sasuke meditated over the course of action he should take about Naruto and then, he finally proposed to Naruto. Like a love proposal. But Naruto wasn't ready to come out of the closet, so he declined. He haphazardly married Hinata to satisfy everyone's expectations, and Sasuke understood but wasn't necessarily happy with it.

Meanwhile, Sakura relentlessly chased Sasuke and Sasuke, somewhere along the way, relented for a misjudged moment, and as a result, Sarada was conceived (even though the story of her conception sounds very shady), but Sasuke's first priority was always Naruto and the promise he made him. So he couldn't be around, didn't help that he didn't love Sakura. But since family ties were important for him, having grown up with a strong understanding of what a family entails, he couldn't completely abandon them either. So he married Sakura. But is he happy about it? Well clearly not.

In conclusion, Sakura would gladly take the tiny scraps Sasuke throws at her as long as she gets to call Sasuke her husband. Sasuke would give her those tiny scraps if it means his child would get some semblance of a family life, and Naruto would call Sasuke his rival but would talk and act like Sasuke's spouse for all means and purposes.

Does it happen in real life that closeted gay men choose to stay closeted forever for the sake of societal expectations? Sure. Does it happen in real life that people in unloving relationships stay together for the sake of their children? Absolutely. Has it been documented and portrayed in media? Also yes.

Is there a speculative element in my theory? Yes. But I simply don't see any other way to explain this rationally, everything considered.

It's upto fans to decide which theory works for them. But this works for me.