#this is like the first ‘celebrity’ death i’ve actually cared about and i don’t know how to process it

[saucynadles]

found out about atsushi’s death and i’m not ok

[azuremist]

A message to Twitter users coming to tumblr: a message from your local duel-hellsite citizen

So, I’ve seen a ton of Twitter users talking about making and sharing their new tumblr blogs, to escape Elon Musk’s “anti censorship” bullshittery. First of all: welcome! I know it’s looking bleak over there; especially for trans people. But, now that you’re here, I’m here to tell you all about tumblr etiquette, how this website works, and how it’s different from Twitter. Because you can’t come onto here acting like it’s Twitter, lest The Beast get to you.

First, here are a small handful of tips and tumblr facts!

Your likes and who you are following are automatically set to public. You can make them private in your settings!

You can block tags from the settings, too.

There are lots of bots on here. If you’re not careful, you could be mistaken for one! The main way you can avoid this is changing your icon and header from the defaults. Adding a bio helps too!

You can queue and schedule posts so that your account posts throughout the day.

Like Twitter, tumblr has a radical feminist and TERF problem. However, they’re pretty easy to spot. There are lots of guides out there to help you learn how to spot tumblr TERFs!

Tumblr, for the most part, does not have any celebrity or brand accounts.

Your tumblr follower count is private.

You can have multiple accounts with the same email, and they’re very easy to switch between! These are called “sideblogs”.

Your main page is not a “timeline”. It is a “dashboard”!

You can have a custom desktop theme using HTML! Think like ye olde MySpace days. There are tons of pre-made tumblr themes available, if you’re not already proficient in HTML; including free ones!

Now, let’s talk tumblr etiquette and how it’s different from Twitter. You’re a tumblr user now! It’s time to start acting like it!

Don’t just like posts. They don’t increase visibility whatsoever. The way that you can help posts that you like is reblogging them to your blog. Especially for art!

We don’t say “oomfs” or “oomfies”. Just “mutuals” is fine, thanks!

Adding onto a post with pointless comments is frowned upon. If all you have to say is “this is so true,” or something else to that effect, you should put that in the tags of your reblog.

Most people don’t have carrds or rentries on here. Some of us do, but it’s not an obligation like it is for Twitter.

Similarly, we don’t censor words like “die” and “death”. Posts about wanting to brutally murder people in power go viral all the time, and it’s completely allowed. I’m serious! Enjoy your newfound freedom!

Blocking isn’t a big deal here. Get rid of any weird notion you have that morality is linked to blocking certain people.

But lastly, and most importantly:

Drop your discourse at the door.

If you try to post about most of the things that Twitter users discourse about, you will be laughed off the site. Especially Twitter LGBT+ discourse. Posts actively mocking topics of Twitter discourse go viral on here regularly.

Tumblr has mostly healed since its discourse-ridden days, and it’s now much more chill. Of course, discourse still happens, but it is so easy to avoid now. For a lot of us, tumblr is the last pleasant social media site left, so don’t ruin it.

Here is a list of discourse-related things that tumblr users don’t do:

Most of us don’t do callout posts, unless it’s something actually serious (like that one blog that had a human slave).

Everything that you heard on Twitter was “exclusive” to certain LGBT+ groups is used by just about everyone on here. Bi women use the double venus symbol on here. You’ll just have to learn to live with that.

In particular, I want to emphasize how much we don’t do flag discourse. To the point that somebody caring about flag discourse of any kind is how we tend to identify an ex-Twitter user.

On here, you will never have to see another slur discourse post again, unless you actively seek it out.

You’re free.

You’re welcome. And enjoy your time on here! If you have the time, please consider watching StrangeÆons’ Tumblr Etiquette Manual on YouTube, as well.

[edenfenixblogs]

I don’t think most non-Jews understand how disappointed we are in the left right now. How completely abandoned we’ve become. How our contributions to progress for other groups have been erased or disavowed or hidden. How the actual tangible things that Jews have contributed to black rights and civil rights are being ignored. How we’re being told we contribute and have contributed nothing.

How we are being told that the world has been kind to us when it never has. As if my mom didn’t grow up getting called a Kike and getting beat up for being Jewish. How I thought I had friends until I caught them saying “xyz was beautiful until Jews showed up.” How people told me I was pretty “for a Jew.” How I grew up hearing stories about bombs being set off in Israel in buses and markets. How I couldn’t even go two weeks without hearing that and how nobody cared and somehow, every time that happened, the whole world became more hostile to me for some reason.

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand what leftists are doing. Or why. I hate that I have to say—of course, I support a free and self determined Palestine (which I truly do)—in order for you to decide I’m worthy of care and support.

We showed up for you. All of you. And the entire movement is abandoning us at best or targeting us at worst. Celebrating our deaths. Saying we deserved it. How are we supposed to trust you ever again? How are we supposed to feel safe ever again?

A very few select people who are in my life have taken the chance to actually learn about and dismantle their own unconscious antisemitism during this time. And I’m eternally grateful for them. But most people haven’t reached out at all. Most people are still sharing hateful things that could get me hurt and they don’t care. Most people Reblogging my posts are still Jews. Because we are alone. And it sucks. You need to be as loud about antisemitism as you are about Palestine or you’re an antisemite (unless you’re Arab/Muslim/Palestinian—I totally get that these groups are also doing damage control in their own communities just like Jews are).

But we are all in tremendous pain right now.

This moment will pass. And when it does, I will remember how many people let me down. I will remember that when I needed support more than I’ve ever needed it in my life, people fucking vanished. They pretended violence against my people wasn’t happening. They ignored and rewrote the history of Israel to suit their own narratives.

You don’t know what it feels like to be hated this much for opposite things. PoC hate us for being too white. White supremacists hate us for not being white enough. Europeans hate us for being middle eastern. Middle easterners hate us for being western/European. Everyone hates us for being settlers but continually kicks us out of their countries so that we have to settle somewhere else.

I saw a post going around from a Black person who said that the reason he and his fellow black activists go protest for Palestinians instead of fighting antisemitism (as if it’s a binary, which it’s not) is that Jews don’t show up. Muslims and Palestinians do. And honestly? Fuck that guy. Heather Heyer died standing shoulder to shoulder against racism in 2017. [CORRECTION: When I first wrote this post I was under the impression that Heather Heyer was Jewish. I want to correct to avoid spreading misinfo. She was just the first (and incorrect) Jewish civil rights activist I thought of. However there are plenty of other actual Jewish civil rights activists to choose from. If you have reblogged this post from me, please feel free to add a link to the permalink version of this post with my correction to your reblog.]I have devoted substantial time and effort and money that I don’t even get paid a lot of because I don’t get paid a living wage. I have continually reached out to PoC people in my life of all religions to ask how they are doing and what I could be doing to help more—both for them personally and how they would best like me to help their community. I have elevated their voices at every opportunity. And not one person I checked in with has done the same for me or for my community.

And it’s bone chilling. It’s awful. And it’s even worse knowing that when it’s over, people will want to go back to normal. They won’t apologize. They won’t self reflect. They’ll just live their lives, maybe a little more aware of how much they hate us and completely indifferent to the harm they’ve caused us. How disposable they made us feel. And the thing is…it’s not hard for you to know. You just have to ask.

Too many people are cowards. Too many people care about looking good than actually learning something or making the world better. And to those people: you should be ashamed of yourself.

I don’t have any hate in my heart. Truly. Not a drop for any group of people. But I have a tremendous lack of trust that anyone would actually lift a finger to keep me safe.

[natsarrownecklacx]

Come Home To Me

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word Count- 1,006

Summary- Natasha comes home, days late, from a mission. You let her know how much it affected you.

Warnings- Mentions of death, grief, mentions of panic attacks, happy ending

2K Follower Celebration

ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3

“You’re late.” You say, watching as your wife walks through the front door of your shared house.

She drops her duffel bag on the floor, hearing your rough, scratchy voice. She doesn’t have to look at you to know you’ve been crying, but she does anyway, unable to keep her eyes away.

“Very late.” You add as she closer the door behind her, wasting no time in moving towards you to take you into her arms.

You step back, effectively halting her in her steps as you raise a single hand to signal her to stay where she is.

“Y/n?.” She asks and you can hear from her voice how tired she is. But right now you don’t care. You don’t care how tired she is. You don’t care that she looks hurt because you took a step away from her.

You can’t find it in you to care that you know all she wants right now it to relax in your arms.

“You’re late.” You say again, keeping your eyes locked on hers, your red rimed ones causing her heart to hurt.

Natasha can’t help but notice the slight shake in your hand, the one preventing her from closing the distance between you. The sight of it wakes her up a bit.

Shit. Natasha sighs. She’s late.

“You didn’t call.” You say, your hand being to shake even more. “You didn’t call and you didn’t text.”

“I know.” Natasha says, regret and shame filling her entire body. She should have been more thoughtful. She should have thought about how it looked.

“You didn’t send a message through any channel.” You say, your breathing starting to pick up. “You didn’t contact Fury. You didn’t go through our old network. None of your super hero friends knew anything. Clint didn’t even know where you were Natasha.” Your words come out fast, frantic, your voice cracking in between each word.

“I know.” Natasha says again, taking a step toward you.

“No. You don’t know.” You yell at her, the stress from the last few days catching up with you.

“I do. I’m sorry y/n-“

“NO!” You yell, cutting her off, fresh tears streams down your face. “You don’t know Natalia. You have no clue what I’ve been through the last few days because you weren’t here!”

Natasha stands silently, trying to keep her building frustrations inside. She’d just gotten home from a mission that ran three days longer than planned.

She understood your worries, of course she did, but if you’d just let her explain. If you’d just stop and-

“I thought you were dead.” You say, so quietly, as though it’s the first time you’re actually letting yourself take in the fact that you’d thought you’d lost her. You thought your wife, your best friend, the love of your life, was dead.

Natasha deflates. How could she have allowed herself to get so distracted. She was busy, sure, but she could have sent you a message somehow. Could have taken the ten seconds it would have taken to send a text to you or Fury or Clint.

She should have known better.

She sees in the second your knees buckle, the stress and grief of the last few days weighing you down all at once. The lack of sleep, the total lack of food and water. Everything hits you. It’s like you just switch off.

She rushes towards you, taking you in her arms and making sure you don’t hit the floor. You fight against her hold for a moment, trying to push her off of you and saying how badly she scared you. How besides yourself you were.

Natasha just continues to hold you and rock you in her arms, all the while whispering to you how sorry she is, how much she loves you and how she would never scare you like that again.

“I thought I’d lost you.” You say once you’ve calmed down a bit, your breath stuttering as you shove your face into the cook of her neck and wrap your arms around her tightly.

“I’m so sorry, darling.” She says, holding you just as tightly to her. She can’t imagine how scared you must have been, how heartbroken. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

You pull away from her neck, taking her face in your hands and holding her as if you’re afraid she’ll disappear. Natasha feels she shake of your hands against her and puts her hands over yours, holding them against her.

“Don’t ever leave me.” You plead, your teary eyes staring into hers. “Never.” Natasha answers, staring into your eyes so you know she’s being genuinely.

“I love you far, far too much to ever leave you, my love.” She says, inching towards your lips, grazing them against her own. You release a shaky breath, allowing yourself to bask in the realisation that she came home to you.

“I love you too, Nat.” You whisper against her lips, moving forward to press against hers.

“Forever.” Natasha replies. “Always.” You whisper back.

Tomorrow the two of you would have a serious talk about what happened. Where she was, what you went through. How she would have to be more mindful when on a mission.

But that was an issue for tomorrow, right now the two of you just need to get into comfort clothes, get into bed and hold each other.

You fall asleep, getting some much needed rest, with her arms around you, the smell of her shampoo and natural sent filling your senses. It’s the first time in days you’ve been able to fully relax.

Natasha, even in her exhausted state, stays awake to watch over you. Makes herself take in the bags under your eyes, the tear stains on your cheeks, the thinner look to you.

It hurts her heart to see you this way, but she knows she caused this. Knows she has to be more careful, more considerate. She makes a promise to you and to herself then and there that she would never put you through this again.

And she never did.

ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3 ⴵ <3

A/n- had this idea for a while, decided to finally write it, hope ye like it :)

[hazbingirliexoxo]

“The Archer” Angel Dust Analysis

A/n: ALRIGHT YALL❣️ it’s been a hot minute (literally a whole month lol rip☠️) but I have FINALLY written this and am ready to share it with everyone!🤩 So I’m a huge Swiftie and I absolutely love Angel😭💕 so listening to this song: “The Archer” instantly made me think of him. I think the lyrics really highlight how his experiences with love have shaped the complexities of his true feelings and while we still have so much more to discover about his and Husk’s developing relationship in the show, I truly think that this song just “screams” them. If you haven’t listened to the song before, I definitely recommend to!😊 Anyway, lez get into it!😎

Note: For reference, I primarily used this article: https://gwtimes.org/1625/music-books-movies/the-archer-taylor-swift-lyric-analysis/ to organize all of my thoughts and opinions on why this song suits Angel so well. I think this author did an excellent job at explaining the real message of the song in regards to Taylor’s life, but this analysis is solely based on my OWN interpretation of how Angel’s character fits this song. Just wanted to clarify. THANK YOU AND ENJOY!!!❤️❤️❤️

Combat, I’m ready for combat

I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?

Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you

Okay so, with these first few lines, we can think about how much Angel has been through, both in life and death. Like anyone else, he’s made mistakes and fought with many people he’s cared about before, whether that be with his birth family (ex: Arackniss, Molly) or his newfound family/friends he’s made at the hotel later on (ex: Charlie, Husk, Niffty, Sir Pentious, etc). But in terms of his actual familial background, Angel was born and raised in the mafia, meaning he’s used to seeing the indescribable horrors and violence associated with that lifestyle. He has no choice but to conjure up this metaphorical shield of “armor” in order to not only protect himself but also, survive. This ultimately makes it very difficult for Angel to form and develop good, healthy relationships, whether that’d be platonic or romantic, because as much as he craves genuine love and affection, isn’t that going against everything he’s known? To not care about what anyone thinks of him because at the end of the day, everyone leaves regardless? Angel Dust is a perfect example of being conditioned to this toxic, negative mindset he’s built for himself every day and we especially see more of this when it comes to his work with Valentino.

Now Angel is a celebrity, the most famous porn star in all of hell. Of course, due to his natural charisma and good looks, all eyes are drawn to him. He’s expected to essentially “put on a show” and show off what he’s “good for” because who could resist the seductive, charming Angel Dust? But that’s the cruel irony behind it all. Angel’s perception of his pornstar persona overshadows the reality of his true self, which makes it easy for him to push people away and not let anyone see the real him. He’s bred to allow people to chase after him, lust after him, because that’s the embodiment of who Angel Dust is, not who Anthony is. Angel Dust doesn’t care if people “leave” him because he knows that one way or another, there’s always someone else who will appreciate him for his “talents”, who will shower him with the desire and attention he so desperately seeks, despite it being superficial. But Anthony? No one knows who that is nor anyone would care to know who Anthony is in Angel’s mind, so rather than reveal his true thoughts, he decides to remain silent and keep them hidden from the public view as a way to protect himself.

Easy they come, easy they go

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

I never grew up, it’s getting so old

Help me hold on to you

Now, these second set of lyrics go a little more in-depth about Angel’s personal life and relationships. The first line expresses how easily he attracts people and yet still drives them away. The second one, however, can be explored through both a platonic and a romantic perspective. In a platonic lens, Angel struggles with making real, genuine friends (other than Cherri) because he’s afraid no one will be interested to get to know him. The same thing can be said in a romantic point of view. Angel loves to flirt, yes, but with his pornstar persona, he over-amplifies it and makes it seem like he’s “on board” in the beginning, but in the slightest sense of any seriousness or vulnerability, he “jumps off”, going his own way because he knows he’s unable to commit. This third line takes a look into how Angel is associated with being the “black sheep” of his family. Despite his somewhat childish nature, Angel’s always causing trouble and has never been the more focused, responsible type like his older brother: Arackniss. But due to these specific family dynamics, this shows how Angel feels like he’s never taken seriously with his true self. And because of that, he doesn’t understand how to grow and mature enough as a person to handle long-term relationships. The last line here can be portrayed as Angel’s inner thoughts and feelings towards his future love interest in the series: Husk. Angel is so used to giving up and running away from the idea of real love because of his own sexual abuse and trauma from Valentino. But throughout his whole afterlife, Husk is the only good man who respects and values Angel for who he truly is and despite how nice yet unfamiliar that feeling is, Angel’s terrified of losing it. Therefore, these lyrics can imply how he’s pleading for Husk to help him stay grounded and focus on exploring and pursuing this new relationship with him.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

In the chorus, we can start to see the lyrics become even more personified towards Angel’s life. He’s been hurt by so many people, yet he’s also his own worst enemy because he’s done the same thing to those who he cares about too, ultimately straining or damaging the relationships as a whole. He wonders why no one would want to stay in his life, but deep down, he knows that he doesn’t make it easy for people to love him either. So in order to change that, he needs to believe in himself and trust that he can make a positive effort towards becoming better.

Dark side, I search for your dark side

But what if I’m all right, right, right, right here?

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then hate my reflection, for years and years

Within the next verse, we can connect back to how Angel’s toxic mindset has made a profound impact on himself and his relationships. There’s a big part of him that’s always subconsciously searching for the negative aspects of letting people into his life, and that in itself, is what overpowers his psyche into not recognizing and acknowledging the positive facets as well. These next few lines can be referenced to how he strives to maintain his pornstar persona. The whole concept of Angel Dust is for him to be as appealing and desirable to everyone no matter what because that’s what the public likes to see. But unfortunately, what Angel doesn’t comprehend is that he doesn’t need to overemphasize this “mask” of his because the real, genuine people in his life (such as Molly, Charlie, Cherri, Husk, etc.) love and accept him for who he is internally rather than externally. This lack of understanding can also drive him to act impulsive with his emotions and lash out towards the people he deeply cares about, thereby causing him to feel hatred towards himself and regret the decisions he’s made later on.

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

And all of my heroes die all alone

Help me hold on to you

The metaphorical meaning behind these next lyrics can connect to how empty and restless Angel feels when he’s by himself. We know that he suffers intense nightmares and drug hallucinations from Valentino, but in this next line: “The room is on fire, invisible smoke”, this allows us to dive deeper into his inner troubles and the emotional turmoil and chaos he’s experiencing from it. He’s known to “burn bridges” and “start fires” with others because like I stated previously, he believes everyone will leave him eventually, so as a result, he shuts people out as a way to cope with this depression and loneliness, knowing that it’s still his fault.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

Here we have the main chorus again, but what’s different is that the word “screaming” is used. This allows us to really see and feel the intensity behind Angel’s emotions. It can almost be viewed as if he’s “crying out for help” and begging for someone, ANYONE, to reach out and stay there with him.

Cause they see right through me

They see right through me

They see right through

Can you see right through me?

They see right through me (2x)

I see right through me (2x)

This next sequence of lyrics is pretty self-explanatory, especially regarding Angel’s famous reputation. Based upon his story arc so far, the internal struggles and hardships Angel has faced throughout life and death have definitely taken a toll on him. Even though he aims to portray this glamorous, charming pornstar personality, characters like Husk can see right through Angel pretty easily and have no issue in calling him out for how fake he’s being. This not only makes Angel very hyper-aware of his mask “slipping away”, but also adds on an extra layer of anxiety and panic he’s feeling from losing control of that facade.

All the king’s horses, all the king’s men

Couldn’t put me together again

‘Cause all of my enemies started out friends

Help me hold on to you

The first line here is a clear reference to the nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty, but the next few lines are what really emphasize Angel’s character even more. Angel is not an easy guy to get along with. He knows he can be an asshole and because of that, he’s made many enemies who could’ve potentially stayed as friends in his life if he didn’t push them away. But that doesn’t make him feel as if he’s alone right? After all, Angel Dust is fulfilled with receiving “love” from clients, fans, and Valentino all the time, so that has to mean something, right? This particular mindset is what fuels Angel to continue craving that form of infatuation and attention because it’s what he surrounds himself with every day. However, once that “high” dies down, who does he have waiting there for him at home? No one, because in reality, he IS alone and that terrifies him even more due to the fact that he’s the reason behind these self-destructive tendencies.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

(I see right through me, I see right through me)

Who could stay? (4x)

You could stay

Combat, I’m ready for combat

These final lines of the song play a significant role in how Angel’s perspective on love can change for the future. Like I’ve said prior, Angel has never had anyone show real, genuine interest in him before, that is, until he met Husk. Husk has made it very clear in the beginning that he doesn’t like putting up with anyone’s bullshit. While his gruff, no-nonsense exterior may be off-putting to others, Angel is very attracted to how real Husk is in expressing how he feels and that is exactly the kind of person Angel needs in his life right now. Over some time throughout the series so far, we start to see a closer relationship develop between the two as well, how fond and comfortable they are of each other. This scares Angel because like all of his other relationships and his current predicament with Valentino, he’s afraid that Husk will voluntarily leave or be taken away from him forever. So in order to avoid that, Angel is determined to do everything he can to keep Husk a permanent part of his life.

Overall, Angel is well aware that he’s not an easy person to love, but with Husk, he feels as if he could be the one to truly understand and accept him for who he is. That maybe, and hopefully, Husk will be the one to stay for good❤️

A/n: yalll,, this is soo fucking long I’m so sorry😭 but I absolutely love these two with all my heart, literally on my hands and knees like this 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ but anywaysss I really hoped you enjoyed it just as much as I loved writing it🥰 PLEASE give me all the feedback you have! I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts and opinions, it would really make my day🥹 Thanks for reading loves!!🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[nukitan]

Okay so as much as I dislike conflating Pokémon and Digimon, (they’re two shows that just so happen to be in the same genre and I think the comparisons should stop there. The bad faith ones anyway), how great the new Pokémon anime is has made me think about something.

Basically, I feel like Horizons has a lot of elements that I would love to see in a modern season of Digimon and I think the Digimon anime could take a page from their playbook. Which is funny since up until now I’ve always said the reverse.

Full rant bellow the cut to spare your time lines if you don’t want to read my rambles.

I split them into section going into Digimon first and then Pokémon if you want to skip around and don’t care about the other franchise. BUT, I will say that the point of this essay is that Pokémon Horizons is good, the first three seasons of Digimon are good and if you like one you should watch the other.

Anyway.

First I’m going to go into my history with Digimon and what I liked about the classic seasons and what I don’t like so much about the newer ones.

Basically, I love Digimon. Been hyper fixating on it off and on for twenty+ years. I’ve seen every season, subbed and dubbed multiple times, I’ve played a good chunk of the games, I play the TCG, ect.

Something that drew me to the Digimon anime over AniPoke, was the characters and the plot. In the early seasons Digimon tackled lots of difficult issues like divorce, adoption, death, loss, depression, among other things. But still kept a light hearted, feel good air. The characters felt deep and multi-faceted (At least in the sub), and I dare say are better written than some characters from some adult oriented anime out there. And they had cute monsters that evolved into bigger monsters and fought baddie monsters, what wasn’t there to love? The first three or so seasons did a fantastic job juggling characters, plot, cool creature fights, and cute and funny moments between the members of the cast. It never really felt like a commercial compared to contemporaries. It felt like the writers were creating something with soul, it was a story first and ad second. It felt like it had love.

Adventure, 02, and Tamers are my favorites. Bellow are some characters and their arcs I really enjoyed from those seasons, skip if don’t want spoilers.

I love Taichi’s arc of being reckless, and being one track minded to the point where he put all his friends in harms way and Yamato tries to act like this calm and cool lancer type but he’s actually the group heart and sensitive the way they bounce off each other and have conflicts throughout the series is just fantastic.

Ken in 02 and his whole arc of getting over the death of his brother and accepting the consequences of his actions as the Digimon Kaiser. And the way he slowly warms up to the group is so cute. I legit cried when I watched some of his episodes post kaiser as an adult.

Tamers as a whole is an extensional horror trip. Juri’s whole thing with her depression after the death of Leomon, how it related back to her trauma after losing her mom when she was younger, and the way the D-Reaper took advantage of that- I honestly don’t know how this was slipped into a kids show from the early 2000s.

A lot of these shows that started in the 90s and early 2000s were pledged with the “Glorified 20-25 minute toy ad” problem, and Digimon didn’t really seem to have that issue to me. It felt like the creators were putting the story and characters first, and an ad second or third.

The early seasons of Digimon felt like a celebration of childhood and was something that could be enjoyable to kids of all ages and adults alike. I don’t at all get that feeling that I’m watching a baby show when I watch early Digimon. It presents things in simple terms that kids could understand without talking down to its audience. It’s great.

And then the later seasons happened and Digimon forgot what made it great and lost its soul…

Xros wars was where the ball really seemed to drop in my opinion. Sure it still had the epic Kaiju fights but… that’s about it. Gone were the intense character moments and interesting plots. All we had was the special little marry sue of a boy Taiki who could do nothing wrong besides not “TURNING HIS BACK ON SOMEONE uwu”. And there was no overcoming adversity like in the earlier seasons, Taiki would just epically throw his Xros loader into the air and scream away his problems with a “DIGi-XROS!” (Sorry Taiki fans I can’t conceal my venom for this man)

And the monsters were just disappointing too. Like they were clunky and just looked like… toys.

It felt like Digimon had lost what made it tick and started to more closely resemble what I didn’t like about AniPoke, a toy commercial with a sanitized feel.

This continued for the next couple of seasons, only really picking up again in Appmon, but while Appmon is good and had it’s moments (I love the story with Yujin. He and Haru are totally roommates, cousins even), it still doesn’t compare to the heart the first three to five seasons had, imo.

Tri felt like a soulless nostalgia cash grab. Last Kizuna was good, it gave me hope for the anime again just to crush it all away with The Beginning.

I won’t get started on Adventure 2020 or we’ll be here all day. Needless to say it spat in the face of the show it was paying homage to.

Ghost Game got my hopes up, but then the last episode just took a dump on the rest of the show. It was fun, Kiyoshiro and Jellymon specifically were the stars of the show and GulusGammamon was interesting… until he wasn’t. It was fun, had a lot of potential with its horror feel, and was the closest to classic Digimon the modern seasons had been in awhile… at first anyway. It really shat the bed. And my problem with it don’t really relate to it being episodic in nature or anything, that can be done well. The characters just didn’t feel consistent (Especially Ruli) and it didn’t deliver on any of the plot intrigue it tried to stir up.

BUT! Ghost Game at least had… a little bit of heart. It felt like the creators knew their Digimon lore and did a fantastic job incorporating it into the monster of the week. I could really feel the love there.

Also on a side note, I am not just the Digimon equivalent to Gen-Oner, hating on things that are new and fetishizing the old. In fact, before I rewatched all of the seasons around 2020, I didn’t really care for the Adventure or Tamers. But my opinions did a total flip watching everything as an adult.

So, for a quick collection of thoughts before we move on to Pokémon:

What I like in a Digimon season:

1. Good characters with arcs that tackle bigger issues in a way kids can still understand and relate to without feel like they’re being talked down to.

2. Cute moments between members of the cast and their creatures.

3. Fights that feel like they mean something and aren’t just there for cool flashy effects.

4. A feeling of love and care for the franchise that goes beyond just trying to sell me toys and games.

Things I don’t like:

-OP mcs that solve every problem with the gimmick of the given seasons

-Flat, inconsistent characters that don’t feel like they have any agency or reason for doing what they’re doing besides that fact that they do indeed have Digimon.

-Pointless fights that are just there for no other reason than just to show a cool fight

-“BUY ALL OUR GAMES AND TOYS AT YOUR LOCAL HOBBY SHOP”

Okay now Pokémon.

Just like with Digimon here’s a little background with my history with the Pokémon anime

I’ve watched the original Pokémon anime up to Diamond and Pearl as a kid and I watched some of SM and most of Journey’s as an adult, but I’ve never really been big on anipoke.

Like at best it just felt like a cute show I could turn my brain off for and just vibe.

At worst it felt like a hyper sanitized toy/game commercial (Not blaming it, that was the anime’s main purpose after all).

Out of curiosity, I watched the new series. As much as I liked Ash, I really felt like he overstayed his welcome and they should have gotten rid of him and moved on ages ago since it felt like by DP there was nothing interesting to do with the character. The Pokémon world is huge and intresting, there was so much they could have done but Ash kind of felt like he bogged it down and stunted the anime’s growth past a point.

So yeah,I got excited when they finally pulled the plug and focused on a new set of characters so I gave Horizons a watch.

And I love it! It’s got heart, characters with development, a little bit of plot, and it’s cute? Like I was dumbfounded by the fact that a Pokemon anime, that I previously wrote off as just being a glorified ad, could be so good???

And then after thinking about what I liked so much about it, that’s when the topic of this essay hit me: Horizons feels like it has everything I long for in a modern Digimon anime, almost as if they took a page out of classic Digimon’s book. Like I always heard throughout the years that “Digimon had the better anime Pokemon has the better games” But Horizons really turned that on its head.

Let’s revisit my criteria for what I liked about the classic Digimon seasons from the section above to show what I mean. (Light Spoilers for Horizons ahead, though I wont go into specifics)

1. Good characters with arcs that tackle bigger issues in a way kids can still understand and relate to without feel like they’re being talked down to.

Yep. Horizons has that. Like the early seasons of Digimon, Horizons doesn’t just use it’s human characters as a vehicle to show you all the monsters you could catch if you bought the next game from your local shop for the low low price of 60 USD, nope. There feels like theres care there.

While they aren’t fully developed yet, Liko and Dot especially show huge character growth in the first 50 episodes. They focus on their flaws and how the characters overcome them.

Liko is very indecisive at first. She’s socially awkward, she feels like shes just going with the flow, afraid to take that first step to find out what she really wants out of life. Then, she finally does, she makes the decision to follow Friede and the Rising Volttacklers to find her new horizons. It’s great. And she still has lots of growing she can do later both as a trainer and as a character. She’s fantastic for a lead.

I also like how they use Sprigatito’s evolution as stand in for Liko’s growth so far in the series. Early Digimon did that too with the Crests in Adventure and the Bio Merging in Tamers and I always really like monster partners evolving to reflect their human so much, it’s such a good narrative device!

Dot slowly being brought out of her shell by Liko and the others is just- chefs kiss. She goes from being a reclusive shut in to slowly taking interest in the things Liko and co are doing and develops meaningful relationships with them. Her care for her friends and want to be there for them makes her take the first step and is now traveling around Paldea with them! And they went about this in a very well paced way where she still isn’t just magically over all her awkwardness and shut in tendencies yet. She too still has so much room for interesting development later down the road.

The adult characters are interesting too, even though they haven’t really done much yet. They really perfected that found family group of misfits trope that I’m usually pretty sick of. I love them.

And Amethio and the other villains also feel like they’re more than just your cackling evil for evil sake type characters and I’m super excited to see what they do with them!

And as far as the tackling bigger issues point: Though its just conjecture and I might be over thinking things (Though others in the fandom have pointed this out too) there’s definitely the groundwork for it here.

Liko’s family is very hands off and distant. Liko goes away to boarding school at the start of the series, her parents work, and her grandma is a vagabond traveling the world and doesn’t often stay in one place for long.

Liko lacks solid connections and foundation in her life due to her family being so closed off emotionally, which would explains her going with the flow and being unsure of what she really wants to do. She’s lost with no guidance. And it’s not like her family doesn’t love each other, no. They just don’t want to express their feelings for fear of it bogging each other down. They want Liko to be free to do what her heart tells her, but they’re so worried about talking things out that they don’t realize how that freedom has hurt Liko and made her into an anxious mess. (They even kind of hint at this in the second opening)

But yeah, like others have said, I’m not sure if this is on purpose or if they were trying to write Liko’s family to be full of strong women and just kind of accidentally fell into making them all feel too independent and distant from one another. And it would be really cool for the show to go into Liko’s home life more… but I’m not sure it would be on brand for Pokemon to talk about something so heavy. But fingers crossed!

2. Cute moments between members of the cast and their creatures.

Yep! Horizons has got plenty of it. Right now all of the main cast has two Pokemon each and they’re really taking the time to show off each Pokemon and give them a lot of wholesome moments together and with their trainers.

The human character interactions are great too! I really like the blossoming friendship between Liko and Dot (They could be roommates guys!) and the growing rivalry between Friede and Amethio! It’s great!

3. Fights that feel like they mean something and aren’t just there for cool flashy effects.

The fights in Horizons are so cool and well choreographed, but they aren’t just there to look pretty, not at all!

A lot of the fights that take place in the first two arcs are learning experiences for Liko, Roy, and Dot. They learn new strategies, their Pokemon learn new moves, and in the arc that’s airing at the time of writing, they’re learning how to terrestialize too. The fights don’t seem to happen without purpose and always seem like they either teach the characters a lesson about proper ways to be a trainer and even sometimes help them grow as characters too.

And theres even a healthy amount of losses and wins under the character’s belts and they drive home the lesson of “You learn more from a defeat”. I like how heavily they relied on the more experienced Friede at the beginning and they got frustrated from their losses and used it as fuel to want to learn to stand on their own two feet.

The fights are great and don’t just feel like a kid mashing two toys together like some series with battle elements can.

4. A feeling of love and care for the franchise that goes beyond just trying to sell me toys and games.

This is a little harder to explain and is more like a feel than anything. But I can definitely feel an air of care in Horizons that I don’t really see from shows that feel like twenty-three minute ads. The characters and story don’t just feel like they’re trying to sell me something.

While they’re definitely leaning heavy on the Paldea setting right now, it doesn’t feel like a straight adaption of the games. They don’t really do the “creature of the day” or “character of the day” type episodes like I remember seeing in past iterations of Anipoke. Horizons doesn’t have those moments that I feel like the character is looking right at me and saying “Buy Buy Buy”

And, at least so far, there seems to be a love for Pokemon with the way the reference Pokédex entries like with Hatenna being sensitive to strong emotions or what not.

Like I said, this is really more of a personal criteria and some people can be more sensitive to this kind of thing than others. The closest thing I can compare it to is like when you’re eating a meal a loved one made for you versus something you got at a diner or fast food restaurant. You don’t know how to put your finger on it but you can just taste the love… it’s like that with Horizons to me.

So yeah!

If you’ve read this far, thanks for listening to me rant! I’ll try to wrap it up here.

Basically I just really like Horizons. It gives me that same feel as when I was rewatching the classic Digimon seasons a view years ago… And like the way Horizons fixed all of the problems I had with Anipoke as a kid and as an adult is awesome, it really feels like Pokemon Company is making an effort to listen to criticism and better the series… I just really hope the Digimon anime can do the same.

Oh and all of this is just my opinion, if I said something that you don’t agree with about Digimon or Pokémon, I meant no offense and I’m happy to hear your opinions too!

I just want to close this by saying…

Fans of early Digimon, go watch Pokemon Horizons! You wont regret it!

Fans of Horizons go watch (the sub) of the first three or so seasons of Digimon! If you like Horizons and didn’t really click with Ash era Anipoke I think you’ll really have a good time, it’s so good!

I think both series could use more love, so go out there and give them both a watch!

Okay I’ll shut up now, thanks for reading!

[kbrick]

Peak Drarry: Celebrating Incredible Writers - aibidil

Peak Drarry is a series of posts celebrating the absolute treasure trove of talented writers in this fandom, and a reminder of how lucky we are to have them here with us. I’m kicking it off with one of my all-time faves, @aibidil​. 

✨AIBIDIL✨

I’m guessing there are very few people involved in the Drarry fandom who haven’t heard of aibidil. Aibidil has been showering us with quality fic since 2017 and has over sixty offerings on AO3. Her works were some of the first I consumed when I fell headfirst into Drarry during covid, and had a lot to do with my desire to write my own. I still distinctly remember being blown away by A Hag, a Hex, a Tale of Redemption, by how aibidil had managed to create such a compelling, funny, and heartfelt fuck-or-die fic, one that stood out from the rest. So, why should you read aibidil’s fic? Here are a few reasons:

They are creative and get you thinking

Sometimes there’s a trope or two thrown into the mix, but even then, the trope is merely a jump-off point into something much bigger. Trope: Ginny and Harry break up and Harry finds solace in and then love with Draco. Aibidil comes along and says, okay, fine, but make the problem Ginny’s unwanted pregnancy, have Harry experience emotional turmoil over that fact (not that Harry-Abandonment-Issues-Should-Be-My-Middle-Name-Potter identifies with an unwanted fetus, no, of course not), have him spend the rest of the story sorting through his complicated feelings, and make the whole thing a testament to reproductive choice (this fic is called (Un)wanted, by the way. It’s incredible). Trope: Malfoy wears a skirt and Harry goes feral. Aibidil’s take? Malfoy wears the skirt because he and Hermione are leading a protest against the gendered, outdated Ministry dress codes (Beards, Booty Shorts, and Binaries).

Abidil’s stories don’t always skew political (although I love when they do), but they always have something to say. In A Hag, a Hex, a Tale of Redemption, Draco must come to terms with what it means to love someone, and how consent plays into that (does a lie negate consent?). Truth and love also play a role in When Times Are Dire, when Harry and Draco must pretend to marry to save the world. But is it pretend when they really are joining their lives and families together?

Beyond the deeper moral and ethical questions present in these stories, aibidil’s fic always manages to be creative and interesting. Abidil comes up with some of the most inventive sorts of magic (you really have to read her latest, Always Already, for one of the most thoughtful depictions of magical time travel I’ve ever read). Her premises can be angsty, like what if Astoria tells Scorpius—on her death bed no less—that he is actually Draco’s child with Harry (when by now and tree by leaf)? They can also be downright silly, like what if Draco can’t stop hiccoughing for days (Upside Down, Holding One’s Breath)? But one thing of which you can be certain: they’re never, ever boring.

They’re a master class in characterization

So, aibidil can dream up interesting, different, thought-provoking storylines, yes. But she also gets it right when it comes to characterization. Her Harry and Draco are always recognizable to me, no matter how evolved and changed they’ve become. There is something essential there, something true to the characters we know and love, that is ever present. And I think that’s because aibidil truly empathizes with and cares about her characters. This knack for getting in a character’s headspace means that aibidil is able to create some of the most fully formed, well rounded and realistically portrayed versions of Harry and Draco I’ve read. Whether it’s Harry in When Times are Dire enjoying the way his children sort of take his love for granted (because Harry wants that for them so badly, wants to be a constant, unquestioned source of support in their lives) or Draco in Always Already shoving down his snark in order to be as inoffensive as possible as a sort of penance for the war, you both recognize and feel for these characters. They’re flawed and imperfect, but they’re trying, and you love them for it.

There are moments in aibidil’s fic that leave me breathless because of how well they nail down the essence of a character in just a few words, or a single exchange or situation. For instance, in When Times Are Dire, Draco and Harry take a trip to the zoo and Draco buys Harry an absurdly enormous ice cream sundae after Harry recalls a time his aunt and uncle bought one for Dudley but not him. “Harry found himself at a loss for words,” aibidil writes. “He thought he’d worked through his childhood zoo issues. He’d been here so many times as an adult, without the abuse of the Dursleys. He had so many wonderful memories here, so many trips with his kids. But no one had ever bought Harry an ice cream before [emphasis mine].” The way Draco understands Harry, and the way he helps Harry to understand something about himself in such an everyday sort of scene is beautiful.

In Pure Imagination, Harry and Draco, experiencing depression after the war, are given a potion that allows them to tap into their imaginations completely, the way a child would. They have an excellent time on the potion together, imagining all sorts of things, including taking a trip to a Muggle skate park (together), which they agree to do at a later date. But afterward, Harry retreats and doesn’t go to the skate park (a decision that gives us incredible insight into the Harry of this story, come to think of it). In their joint trip to the counselor’s office later, Draco tells the counselor that imagination is dangerous because it opens people up to disappointment. “It’s smart that I don’t allow myself delusions like thinking I can somehow have a fulfilling career, even given my past,” he says. “It’s smart that I don’t allow myself the delusion of thinking Potter might want to spend time with me when he’s not high on a fucking imagination potion.”

And doesn’t this cut right to the heart of Draco? Whether he’s being cruel the way he was in canon, or being cool and indifferent, the way he is at the beginning of Pure Imagination, he is someone who struggles to believe in his own self-worth, and has found an entire arsenal’s worth of methods to hide this fact, even, sometimes, from himself. 

They’re just so damn funny

And finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention one of the absolute best things about aibidil’s stories. Because on top of incredible storylines and beautiful character work, aibidil is fucking hilarious. I don’t think I’ve ever read through anything of hers without laughing out loud. Oftentimes, the humor is situational, like in When Times Are Dire when Harry and Draco tell their children that they’re in a relationship (when they’re actually not) and proceed to have one of the most awkward exchanges of all time with them, which leads to Harry clarifying that they are together ‘sexually’ (He says that. To his children.). Or in Auld Acquaintance, when Harry comes through the floo looking like a teenager and Draco finds himself torn between the ghost of attraction his own teenaged self had for this version of Harry and the fact that to his mature, grandfatherly eye, Harry looks “doughy…like an underbaked infant.” Or in Starve Your Distractions, Feed Your Focus, when a coupled-up Harry and Draco have to work out with a very sexy Neville, who is wearing joggers that leave little to the imagination.

Sometimes, though, the hilarity is in the form of amazing dialogue (her Harry and Draco banter is always top-tier) or of others’ observations of the Drarry dynamic, like when Neville says (in Always Already) this about Harry and Draco’s teasing of one another: “Don't mind them. It's like their little traumatised child-warrior foreplay or something.” Aibidil is always aware of the story she’s telling, and of the Drarry-ness of it all. These are not simple men, and theirs is never a typical, simple relationship, and you know what? That can be funny. As Harry says in When Times are Dire: "Ah yes. I'm a cheap date. All it takes to get me in bed is to almost kill each other, survive a war together, work together over decades, have children who fall in love and get married, get married for political reasons, pretend to be in love for two years to all friends and relatives, become grandparents together, and take a controlled substance to open up enough to tell each other the truth. That's all."

See? Easy.

Finally, I shouldn’t leave out the fact that aibidil’s acronyms are the best of all time (her most recent fic’s C.O.C.K. is my new favorite, but there are oodles of excellent ones).

Recommended For…

Everyone. Listen, if you enjoy laughing, or exciting and original storylines, or fic that makes you think, or fic that reveals the beating hearts of our favorite characters, aibidil’s catalog of work is for you. There is angst in places, there is smut in places, but that’s not really the point of her fic. The point is the journey, the character development, and the ridiculous amount of joy and energy contained in all of these stories. Here are a few you might want to check out, but honestly, you can’t go wrong with anything she’s written.

Top 3 Fics Over 25,000 Words (by kudos)

Dating for Dads in Denial (25k) - In which one wizard designs and another reluctantly patronises a magical matchmaking service, amidst the chaos of children and parenting.

when by now and tree by leaf (46k) - When Scorpius Malfoy is saying goodbye to his dying mother, he doesn't expect to hear her confess, "Your father slept with another man and became pregnant with you." 

Moldova’s Magical Tea (32k) - Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, and—to everyone’s surprise—Draco Malfoy are opening a magical tea shop to revive wizarding tea culture. Harry, who is unemployed and trying to find his way in post-war society, wants to help his friends with their new business—but that means spending a lot of time around Malfoy. 

Top 3 Fics Under 25,000 Words (by kudos)

Back to You (8k) - The eighth years make Harry and Malfoy go head to head and back to back in a question-and-answer drinking game. The worst that can happen is they end up drunk, right?

The Usual (9k) - Harry finally tries the new magical coffee shop on Diagon Alley. A story in which Draco is Up To Something™ and Harry is going to get to the bottom of it, and to the bottom of that sixteen ounce to-go cup.

Beards, Booty Shorts, and Binaries (9k) - Harry was hoping for a quiet day at the office, but Hermione and Draco are waging a war on discrimination with beards and skirts.

Kbrick’s Picks (in order of obsession)

When Times Are Dire (130k) - Magical Britain is screwed, and it's once again up to Harry to save it. This time, by marrying Draco Malfoy.

Always Already (170k) -  It's 2004: Harry teaches primary school and loves his job and friends; It's 1980: Harry has to fight Voldemort, again; It's 2004: Draco is a trainee Healer and reformed member of society; It's 1980: Draco has to face his father's cruelty; It's 2004: Harry and Draco definitely aren't lonely or depressed or traumatised; It's 1980: Harry and Draco listen to Kate Bush and watch Dallas and drive a 1979 Ford Cortina; It's 2004, it's 1980, it's...

Pure Imagination (15k) - An eighth-year tale of depressed happiness, reluctant imagination, and conflicted hope. And skateboarding.

.

[duplicitywrites]

Cindle (@cindle-writes) is someone I cannot say enough lovely things about! I want to give a special thank you to Cindle for all of her amazing Mutuals March posts with this shoutout dedicated especially to her. 💜

I think it's safe to say Cindle has quickly established herself as a pillar of the Tomarrymort community, whether it be to cheerlead, beta, or simply enable those in our little corner of fandom. Not only that, Cindle consistently writes some of the most amazing fics in a wide range of characters, ships, and tropes -- providing us with delicious smut that often includes an amazing plot twist as the cherry on top!

Long story short, Cindle never ceases to amaze me with her dedication to this fandom, both as a talented author and a supportive friend. Her enthusiasm makes this space a better one!

Cindle, thank you for all that you do! We appreciate you so very much. 💜🛐 To celebrate you, here are a few favourite works of yours chosen by some of your friends!

☪ complete (Tom / Harry) E | 8.7k | Complete | Underage

Everything about this fic is perfect! There are so many yummy angst pieces of young Tom’s sad orphan backstory that are reflected in his (manipulative) interactions with Harry, and it meshes so beautifully with Harry's initial polite treatment of him as they get to know each other. Of course, the 'strangers' aspect speedruns right into 'lovers' once Harry realizes his newly-adopted baby Dark Lord is actually an omega. The ensuing smut is 👏🏼🥵🔥💯😈 !! I go absolutely feral for this dynamic and this fic delivers on every count.

☪ dawn of a death of a dream (Tom / Harry) E | 53.8k | On-Going | No Archive Warnings Apply

This story demonstrates just how patient a young Tom Riddle was when it came to achieving his goals, and I just love how even with Harry being so certain Tom manages to capture him in his own messy web. We get mind games between enemies who often forget they are enemies, and allow their positive feelings for each other to shine through in a bid to trap the other using their intimate relationship. So fun & silly & WAIT WHAT?? 💜💜💜 ( this blurb written by Apples! 🍎)

☪ Everything Green Is Gold (Tom / Harry) E | 21.3k | On-Going | Underage

BABY HARRY BELOVED! Professor Riddle takes first year Harry under his wing and teaches him sooo many things 😏🍆. Cindle really outdid herself on this story -- Tom is super manipulative with everything he does, but he is also so attentive with Harry in the process that even though we know what's happening, we're liable to... forget. Just a little 🤏. A million kudos for such a hot and realistic depiction 🔥!!

☪ in bad faith (Voldemort / Harry, Cedric / Harry) E | 2.9k | Complete | Non-Con, Underage

This fic builds on an already fantastic premise -- an AU of GoF where Voldemort captures Cedric (and Harry!) -- and expands it to include even more angst! The smut is delicious and the plot twist at the end had me going insane. Without spoiling too much, I will say I love the aspects of the original dynamic surrounding Cedric, Harry, and Voldemort that are incorporated into this glorious mindfuck continuation.

☪ i’ve missed you, my boy (Tom / Harry) E | 1.9k | Complete | Underage

One of the BEST plot twists I have ever read! Harry’s complex relationship with Voldemort is done so well in this post-war AU. I don’t want to spoil anything, but the reread value of this fic is incredible -- in the brief span of a few thousand words, we get so much character insight and build up to a truly incredible reveal. It is a delight going back and picking out all the details that lends to just how deeply messed up and multilayered this relationship is!

☪ last rites (Scarcrux / Harry) E | 5.1k | Complete | Major Character Death

Such a HOT fic. Scarcrux knows all of Harry's deepest, darkest secrets -- including just how he likes to get off. Watching Harry's resistance crumble in the face of Tom's careful seduction is one of my favourite dynamics in this ship! And BOTTOM TOM is the whipped cream hat on this perfect PWP parfait. 💜🔥 We deserve more fics like this one, where Tom gets what he wants!

☪ the dark passenger (Al / Harry, Tom / Harry) E | 5k | Complete | Non-Con, Underage

Cindle's next-gen writing is a huge part of why I have any interest at all in those characters, and this story is a great example of why! In this fic, we navigate Al's co-dependent relationship with Harry as his loving father and (though he doesn't know it!) his fated enemy. The merging of Al and Tom's personalities is so well done and elevates both ship aspects of the story, as well as seeing Harry through the lens of Al-with-Tom, in such a unique way!

[celestiall0tus]

Court of Miracles - Chapter 12 - Assembly

Beginning || Previous || Next

            Adrienne took her seat in the council room with the other heirs. She scanned the room for Luka but didn’t see him present by the time Marc took his seat. Nerves clawed at her as she stared at his empty seat.

            “I call together this meeting to discuss the evening of the Winter Solstice. The incident in question is Juleka and her disregard for the celebration and humiliating the court. I know many of you have concerns that you’ve discussed with me. I call to those to state their case,” Marc announced.

            Felix was the first to stand. “With all due respect, punishment needs to be delivered. She blatantly strolled in, soured the entire celebration, and then insulted every one of us. We cannot allow this behavior to go without some consequence.”

            Marc hesitated. “Well, I… will consider it.”

            “Consider it? Consider what? Letting her off the hook? Letting her continue on with this insulting, rude behavior? She needs to be reminded of her place!”

            “And what is her place, oh mighty Black Cat? What is her place as a Shifter?” Nathalie challenged.

            Felix opened his mouth but shut it.

            “Perhaps it is better you think before you open that trash chute you call a mouth. Need I remind you that Juleka has only been here for two weeks. In that time, she’s been holed up in the greenhouse with only the other snakes, Sass, and Mylene having constant contact with her. In all that time, has anyone shared with her how things are supposed to even work?” Nathalie questioned.

            “Mylene, would you possibly know?” Marc asked.

            “Well, I’ve tried. Whenever it’s just us, I try talking to her, but she usually dismisses anything regarding the court. Even when she speaks with Sass, he never addresses court formalities. I did tell her what the Winter Solstice was about, but she just kept going on about it being a season of death and saying we shouldn’t be throwing big parties like this. Then the whole thing at the actual event,” Mylene explained.

            “Speaking of, I know a fair few also spoke up about her dower mood and… misguided ideas about the celebration of the solstice. I figured perhaps we could discuss that as well along with her… behavior. Perhaps we could get a voice from our kwamis as well?” Marc asked.

            Silence passed through the room as the kwamis materialized as a mix of human and kwami forms.

            “E-excellent. So, uh, who’d like to start?”

            Gimmi, Marc’s kwami, stepped forward. “I would. With the events in question, Juleka and Sass acted as was tradition. This season is that of death. For us to celebrate like we do now is a mockery of how it’s meant to be. I imagine having not only the first Highborn since the Black Death and to also have the first shift in more than a thousand years, Sass likely wanted a return to form. And Juleka seemed to be following her instincts as the Highborn shifter that she is. As such, I move that nothing is done to her, but a reflection on the court and what it means to be the representatives of your concept. Right, Vana?”

            Vana looked up from the sketchbook he looked over with Nathaniel. “What? Oh, yes, sure. Whatever you say, Gimmi.”

            “Are you even paying attention?”

            Vana turned back to the sketchbook. “Of course. Solstice. Tradition. All that nonsense.”

            Gimmi rolled her eyes. “What of my brothers and sister? Please, share your thoughts.”

            “I enjoyed it. Didn’t realize how much I missed the traditional celebrations until Sass and the shifter brought it back. Better than celebrating with those parties,” Plagg remarked.

            “I don’t care for the season and personally prefer the parties, but this isn’t my season. It’s Plagg’s. Still, I enjoyed the change of pace,” Tikki commented.

            “I speak for Ursa and myself that we prefer the return to traditional celebrations. We’ve seen countless versions of this season across the universe, and it is celebrated as Juleka and Sass did that night,” Oron declared.

            “Same for Moirai and myself. All things have a beginning and an end. We celebrate the beginning in spring, the joys of life in summer and autumn, but winter continues that when we should be celebrating the end of all things. Parties are nice, but we are betraying ourselves by continuing with these newer ways,” Orsus announced.

            “Winter has no influence on my concept, and I have no opinion on the matter,” Aislinn said.

            “I love the idea of returning to form. Don’t know why we stopped in the first place. Sure, not all winters are the same, but it is a time of quiet, hibernation, and a fight for survival. Plus, parities are stupid,” Longg hissed.

            “They are not! But I do agree that a return to tradition wouldn’t be the worst thing. Though, can we keep things looking pretty? Longg said it herself. Winter isn’t the same everywhere and we should be allowed to have some pretty things and not just ugly barren snow wastelands,” Duusu complained.

            “I like the idea of changing things back to how they were. Perhaps we can remind more of the heirs of their places, so to speak,” Nooroo said as he shot a glance at Felix.

            “Whatever they want,” Wayzz commented.

            “No comment,” Terra said.

            “I think it’s a good idea. We spend the longer seasons all wrapped up in everything that it’d be nice to return to form. I actually had some ideas of how to enhance the season throughout and not just for the solstice,” Psyche declared.

            Vana cooed. “You’ll have to share those with me.”

            “Later. Memoria, Lethe, continue,” Gimmi said.

            “It might be for the best, it just can be hard. We had this change because the heirs needed a change. They needed something to lift them up, especially after the mentioned Black Death,” Memoria reminded.

            “Oh, yeah, forgot about that, but that was then, no? Shouldn’t we just forge ahead?” Lethe asked.

            “We should. Winter has always been about learning from our past and preparing for something new. The time after the Black Death has long since passed and we should have returned to form a long time ago,” Luz pointed out.

            “Whatever you guys want. I’ll just enjoy everything the back here,” Trixx remarked.

            “Silkii and I’s concepts have no place with winter, so no comment,” Pollen said.

            “I feel it is best to have this return,” Fang said.

            “And I think based on the past and what has been shown, we should have more return to form than just the Winter Solstice,” Min commented.

            “Agreed! There’s so much more we could improve to better connect with our heirs again. Right, Daizzi?” Mullo asked.

            Daizzi shrugged.

            “Well, yes, but we do need to careful about how we approach it. Sudden shifts may cause more distress and discomfort. We need to go about it carefully,” Fluff pointed out.

            “I agree. You’ll have more problems if you move too quickly,” Kaalki added.

            “C’mon, everyone! We never babied the heirs or families before. When we spoke, our words were final. Let’s just return to form. Sass showed us what we could have again, so let’s do it!” Roarr exclaimed.

            “Unless you’re all too scared,” Styx mocked.

            “This is all stupid,” Orikko grumbled.

            “Well, it’s… concerning, but it might be a nice start. I know I’d like to have better connections with my pups,” Barkk stated.

            “C’mon, winter can be more than depressing nothingness! We should keep the parties and remind people it’s still a fun season!” Xuppu argued.

            “Not everything is fun, Xuppu. Winter is supposed to be a time of quiet and reflection. As the others have stated, it is a time of death and quiet,” Corbin countered.

            “Exactly. Rest is very important,” Mell said.

            “Sure, whatever he said,” Stompp added.

            “I agree with the others to return to form. Not all celebrations need to be wild, crazy parties, and Sass reminded us of that,” Ziggy said.

            Mill nodded.

            Adrienne watched the other heirs speak with their kwamis while Marc looked down at his hands. The uneasiness in her stomach clawed its way to her throat. She fought to keep it down when Marc looked to the council.

            “Take your kwami’s words into consideration for this vote. Know that whatever is decided here I will convene with Velze about our next steps. The matter is this: do we return to tradition and how we used to celebrate the winter and abstain punishment for Juleka and Sass, or do we keep with how we celebrate now and punish the pair. We’ll start with Nathaniel and work our way down the ranks. Nathaniel?” Marc announced.

            Nathaniel blinked and looked around. “What are we talking about again?”

            Marc pursed his lips as he fought for composure. “New addition to the vote! You can be for the change, against the change, or no vote. Nathaniel is no vote. I, myself, vote for a change. Marinette? Felix?”

            “I agree with Tikki that this isn’t my area to speak, but I wouldn’t be against it,” Marinette said.

            “What? Absolutely not! Juleka and Sass need to be punished. These are not our ways!” Felix roared.

            “Are you kidding? Could you not imagine all the things we could discover? All the different traditions we’ve abandoned that we can bring back? I’m all for the return!” Jalil cheered.

            “It’d be a nice change of pace and a different way to celebrate. You all have no idea how hard it is to really plan all these silly parties you seem to like to throw. Let’s change shit up,” Alix commented.

            “I like the parties. I vote to keep them,” Aeon said.

            “We’re celebrating one way or another, so I don’t care,” Mireille said.

            “Our concept may have no place in winter, but I still say no to returning to tradition,” Wayhem said.

            “I mean, I suppose there’s no harm?” Mylene asked.

            “I see no issue, but I want to keep some pretty things. I agree with Duusu that not all of winter should be seen as ugly,” Adrienne said.

            “What? No! We shouldn’t change things if they aren’t broken. Right, Socqueline?” Zoe pressed.

            Socqueline hesitated as she looked at Marinette, then Zoe. “I… I… no comment!”

            “I agree with Zoe. The parties aren’t hurting anyone. Besides, winter is so boring without them,” Kim complained.

            “I think it might be interesting to bring back older traditions, but what if we added new stuff that aligns with it? Like Psyche suggested,” Ondine pressed.

            Nora hesitated. “I don’t know. No comment.”

            “No. Final answer,” Lila said.

            “I’d like one season without endless parties and ruckus. The quiet would be nice to reflect before spring,” Nathalie commented.

            “I’d like a season to forget, so yes,” Veronique said.

            “No comment,” Chloe said.

            “No way! Juleka’s ideas were boring and stupid!” Manon whined.

            “I feel the same as Fang. Let’s change things,” Alya said.

            “And I think the same as Min, so yes to change,” Max said.

            “I like the idea of changing things back to tradition but bringing in new ideas like Ondine suggested. Let’s do that!” Jessica cheered.

            “I don’t like any of this. It’s stupid and confusing. I say no,” Chris grumbled.

            “I suppose we’ll see how this goes?” Ali asked as he looked at Rose.

            “Y-yeah! I’m sure it’ll be amazing!” Rose cheered.

            “I say let’s do it!” Fei Wu exclaimed.

            “I’d rather keep things the same,” Nino muttered.

            Aurore looked up from her phone and flipped off the other heirs.

            Sabrina chuckled nervously. “Don’t mind her. I think we’d both like to see those changes. Maybe incorporate what Ondine and Psyche were suggesting?”

            “I agree with Xuppu. My vote is no,” Bridgette said.

            “I liked the Shifter’s methods. My vote is yes,” Delmar said.

            “What are we talking about, Ivan?” Kagami asked.

            “The Winter Solstice and returning to more relaxing ways of celebrating winter,” Ivan said.

            “Oh. I want relaxing, whichever option that is,” Kagami said.

            “Whatever she wants,” Ivan added.

            “I could use some more relaxation. Planning these parties get so boring and hard,” Jagged Stone complained.

            “You mean Penny has enough on her plate already doing the actual planning because you’re too lazy,” Ivan commented.

            Jagged Stone waved his hand dismissingly.

            “Um, Penny? What about you?” Marc asked.

            “Huh? What? Ask me later, whatever it is. I have-,” Penny started.

            Kagami shifted and touched Penny’s shoulder. Penny gasped as her eyes rolled back and she passed out.

            “Uh, Kagami? Why did you-?” Marc started.

            “She needed it. Even ants need sleep,” Kagami said with a yawn.

            “R-right. Well, with a majority vote for change and to clear Juleka and Sass of punishment, I will bring this decision to Velze. I will also present the notion offered by Psyche and Ondine to include new ways of celebrating that reflect the original meaning of the Winter Solstice as presented by Sass, Juleka, and all records Nathalie and Jalil can retrieve.”

            “You’re making a mistake, Marc,” Felix hissed.

            “I… I am just the figurehead. We all decided on this, Felix. You cannot blame me just because not everyone shared your perspective. You are welcome to stay and present your case to Velze, if you think you can convince him,” Marc challenged.

            Felix sneered and growled. “Are we done here?”

            “Yes. Meeting adjourned. I will summon you all back once I have spoken with Velze. Kwamis, I ask you remain for this task, please.”

            Everyone stood and left while Felix stormed off. Adrienne lingered a moment longer as she looked back at Luka’s empty seat. The unease didn’t fade and still held a death grip on her.

            “You look ill. Are you getting sick?” Alya asked.

            Adrienne jumped and took a step back. “Uh, no. I just… I’m worried. You know, Luka.”

            “Oh, do tell.”

            “It-it’s nothing. Just… uneasy.”

            “Like something bad is going to happen?”

            Adrienne looked away. “Something like that.”

            “Well, don’t ignore that feeling. That’s your intuition speaking to you, fancy bird. If you feel something bad is coming, then something likely is. Keep an eye on your little toy,” Alya warned.

            Adrienne paused and looked back into the council room. Thoughts of the worst case stormed her mind. She gulped and pushed them away. She reminded herself that everything would be fine. Nothing bad would happen. Everything would be fine.

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[odinsblog]

This stinks to high heaven, or Jannah, or Valhalla, or whatever makes you happy

My big sister is gay. I was the first person she came out to when we were kids, not quite 20 yet. I care deeply about her. And as I matured + unlearned much of my ingrained adolescent homophobia, with my sister’s help, I have come to care deeply about the LGBTQ community. Even the white ones, and all the other non-Black ones too

I’m trying really hard to imagine hearing about something like the Pulse nightclub shooting and somehow not caring about some of the non-Black victims because they might not have shared my exact political beliefs. I can’t. I can’t imagine not caring. Not caring because of something so trivial by comparison of being murdered by a crazy person in cold blood.

Look, I guess at some point either you care about people or you don’t. And if you’re able to turn off who you feel sorrow for based on their race, religion or ideology, then I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know how to relate to you.

I’ve been trying not to post too TOO much about some specifics of what’s happening in Palestine and Israel, but I’m sorry: I feel bad for the innocent children and civilians who were murdered in cold blood in Israel. I know that the “any means” tankies crowd wants everyone to ignore their deaths (or worse celebrate their deaths), but I guess I’m not built that way.

Some of those people murdered at the concert, for example, were not only innocent civilians, but they were also pro-Palestinian activists who spent their time working for peace. I shed tears hearing their family members talking about them. Hamas murdered Holocaust survivors, ffs.

I absolutely can understand Jewish people feeling uneasy right now. They lost a ton of noncombatant civilians —not to mention children. And oh yeah, antisemitism has been at an all time high, unfortunately, just like Islamophobia is about to be. Again.

I might be wrong, but I honestly just do not think that Hamas did Palestinians any favors.

Yes, yes, I dO understand that violence is always a necessary part of freedom and decolonization.

“Nobody in the world, nobody in history, has ever gotten their freedom by appealing to the moral sense of the people who were oppressing them.” —Assata Shakur

So I’m a big podcast listener (helps occupy my mind whenever I’m working on long tedious projects), and I was listening to one where they interviewed a Jewish soldier who was recently activated, but he was out of Israel and had to fly back. He said something like, “If they had only attacked military targets, then I would get it. We got caught with our pants down, and all is fair in love and war, right? But the mass slaughter of civilian families, women and children is the reason I’m going back.”

I wanted to reach through my phone and ask him about Israel preparing to do exactly the same thing to Palestinians in retaliation, but alas I guess I just sounded like a crazy person yelling to himself in my office.

And yeah, before you read too much further, please understand that I dO support the fuck outta Palestine. Let me be unequivocal here: Israel is in the wrong. Israel has oppressed Palestinians for decades. For actual generations.

Remember when Israel literally bulldozed over a woman to build more houses in Gaza?

Yeah, seriously heinous shit, right?

And we don’t actually have a solid count for all the innocent murdered Palestinian civilians who were living in apartment buildings that Israel has been bombing to smithereens for the past few days. I understand that Israel and the West would have us believe that everyone in Gaza is a terrorist and nobody is an innocent civilian, but hopefully, if you’re reading this, YOU know better than that.

But that said ….. I cannot get with tankies—who, safe and sound in their homes, not being perpetually bombed—want to sound “hard” on social media, and make no distinctions with the people who were just minding their own fucking business at a goddamn concert. I think about all of the mass shootings in America (movie theaters, grocery stores, night clubs, concerts, schools, office buildings, etc) and I just cannot imagine justifying or excusing ANY of them because of the shooter’s “ideology.” I know it’s not an apples-to-apples comparison, but it’s close enough.

“If they were on colonized land then they deserved to die” is one hell of a fucked up take. The slippery slope is that if any of our loved ones are gunned down by “freedom fighters,” then we should just be happy for “the cause” and not shed any tears, because ALL of us deserve to die in America and other Western countries, because we’re all living on colonized land.

I cannot even begin to explain how flawed and fucked up that so-called reasoning is.

You have to have some fucking lines and boundaries.

We don’t just do a shoulder shrug when children are murdered in cold blood—and no, I’m not talking about the 40 babies allegedly beheaded, I’m just talking about the little toddlers who were shot through walls and died, and the elderly and disabled who were shown being dragged away. Yeah, I feel sorry for them too. And I won’t apologize for that.

Rape is wrong. All the time. Under all circumstances. Even when it’s happening to people who you don’t like.

Murdering children is wrong. All the time. Under all circumstances. Even when it’s the children of people who you don’t like.

Do I really need to spell this shit out? JFC.

If you don’t care about any of this because you’re “down for the cause,” then you. are. lost. Like really and truly lost. You aren’t a radical. You’re a fanatic. And hopefully you won’t be in a position to ever receive the fanatical Karma that you’re asking for.

Anyway…

I am on the side of Palestine in all of this. They never deserved to be oppressed by Israel or anyone.

Innocent Palestinian women and children are dying as you’re reading this. I’m shedding tears for them too. They’ve been going through this for way too long. That fact alone is beyond being a tragedy.

Palestine has already suffered and will suffer 10 times more than all of the civilians and noncombatants who were tragically murdered in Kfar Aza.

As always, my usual reminders:

The Holocaust happened

Antisemitism is real

Hamas ≠ Palestine

Israel is an apartheid state

Collective punishment is a war crime

Benjamin Netanyahu is a war criminal

You can support Palestine without being antisemitic

Free Palestine 🇵🇸

[animusxy]

It’s been so long since I’ve been on here and I’m trying to get back into the rhythm of writing but I have mocks coming up so I’m not sure when I can actually start working on things longterm. I will be trying my best. In the meantime, I’m about to go into a rant on HOTD and the fan base. Specifically towards the die-hard black supporters who seem hell-bent on justifying every little war crime they do.

To be clear I DONT SUPPORT THE BLACKS OR THE GREENS. SO I WILL BE TRYING TO REMAIN AS UNBIASED AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT LETTING MORALS GET IN THE WAY TOO MUCH.

Both sides do horrible things during the war and you can argue that one side has a stronger claim than the other all you want. The lesser of two evils if you will.

But that’s all objectively viewing things.

I’ve read the books and though unreliable I know the main points that will be coming in the next seasons of the show. I will warn you now THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

My first point is who should be on the Iron Throne. An extremely controversial topic. Personally I don’t think anyone in the show would be a good ruler, barring Jace perhaps. This includes Rhaenyra, Aegon, Aemond and Daemon. You name it.

I don’t think I need to explain with Aegon. He’s not suited, he lacks the ability to handle that stress. Not to mention horrendous actions towards women.

Aemond, now this is my speculation as he is my favourite character (Yes, even with Luke and all), would be good in politics and tradition. He’s smart, a warrior and respects religion however he would not be able to connect with the smallfolk in my opening so while to the higher ups he’d probably be great, he probably wouldn’t be very well liked by the people.

Now Rhaenyra, I’ll give some examples because this might be the most gruesome part for the die-hard black fans to read, if they haven’t already stopped when I mentioned Rhaenyra before (this might be a bit controversial I know). Rhaenyra was welcomed when she took the throne but it didn’t last. She understands politics to a degree but she has serious entitlement issues.

For example: She taxed the fuck out of the smallfolk and while they were starving in the streets what was she doing? Throwing feasts to celebrate her crowning and her child being named Prince of Dragonstone. You can imagine how scorned they must have felt, Rhaenyra was practically rubbing it in their faces. Not to mention there is a war going on.

Instead of ensuring her victory and place on the Iron Throne she let her vengeful streak take over. She had anyone she thought to be a traitor hung or beheaded and their corpses littered around and outside the Red Keep further estranging the smallfolk who, as Mysaria so beautifully put it give the crown their power.

But here’s the thing Rhaenyra doesn’t care about the smallfolk, it’s implied that she believed that to be beneath her and it does show. She stayed away in Dragonstone when she should’ve been securing her claim. Her absence could have allowed the Lords to change allegiances as well (of course not the Starks).

Not to mention the rumours that Rhaenyra had something to do with Halaena’s death. This may be wrong, Helaena could have thrown herself from the Red Keep, but it cannot be deemed until the show gets to that point.

I like Rhaenyra’s character, I understand why she does a lot of what she does but I will not condone them. I won’t justify them either, nor will I with Aegon, Aemond or Daemon.

Now my first instance. Rhaenys and the Dragonpit. This was not by any means a ‘Girl Boss’ moment. It looks cool and I love how it was done but it really goes to say something about Targaryen entitlement.

Rhaenys burst through the ground killing probably thousands of the smallfolk, roaring at her enemies with Meleys and then flying away. The Dragonpit has other entrances she could’ve gotten out another way and given Rhaenyra a heads up without revealing that she had escaped.

We see this entitlement when Aemond chases Lucerys and accidentally kills Lucerys. It was SO STUPID. Aemond thought that he could control Vhagar because he’s a Targaryen and look how that ended up. I say accident because it was but that doesn’t change anything Lucerys is still dead and know he’s going to have to deal with the fallout.

Blood and Cheese, the amount of people I have seen cheering this like saying ‘It was completely justified’ is astronomical. I can’t help but think about whether or not you should be in a mental hospital if you think the same thing.

In what realm of possibility does a Toddler, probably around 6, deserve to die? I would like someone to answer that question if they believe that he should’ve died in the way that he did. Because by saying it’s justified you’re saying that they deserved to die. These are the same people who will love the ‘A child shouldn’t pay for the sins of their parents’ trope but as soon as it suits their favourite characters it’s completely okay and great to watch. Now you may say, Rhaenyra had nothing to do with it. Which may be true in the books but the show is canon so only time will tell and as far as the books are concerned Rhaenyra had little remorse for what had happened.

This isn’t to say that Lucerys deserved to die because he absolutely didn’t. He deserved to be punished about the eye and Aemond as well about the comments (though I would argue that an eye is a lot more than enough of a punishment) but he did not deserve to die and while Aemond is one of my favourites and I don’t like/dislike Luke, I am going to miss him in the coming seasons because he was a very kind person and I would love to see how he’d progress in the Dance of the Dragons.

Daemon is not a good guy or grey character. He killed his first wife, an innocent, and choked Rhaenyra. He has affection for his family but it doesn’t stop him from doing cruel things. You don’t need to justify his actions, he’s there to make you think about your own morals. He’s not meant to make you feel comfortable when you see what he does. He’s there so that you can question his actions and his reasoning behind them. He’s a fascinating character to watch and my second favourite in the show. This also applies to Aemond btw but I think he’s a little more on the unhinged side compared to Daemon.

Now I think my final point will be that Rhaenyra is not a feminist. She could not care less what happens to other women as long as she is treated equally or better than men because of her position in the world. She’s not going out of her way to help people, she’s using her position to get one over on anyone she doesn’t like. She’s not like Daenerys, she doesn’t care about people who are suffering unless they are very close to her. The same also goes for Alicent but she leans more towards the religion aspect of it.

Okay, rant over. I haven’t checked this over so there could be typos

I’d love to hear your opinions about any of the events that have occurred within HOTD or will occur and if there’s anything you haven’t heard up there but would like me to explain just message me.

[my-shields-are-down]

Karaoke 🎵

#one word prompt # Chenford one shot

Congratulations Anonymous! I had two ideas pop in my head for this prompt. So you will get TWO shots for the price of one prompt.

+++++++++

#1 Because Jackson loved 90s boy bands

Lucy looks around the dive bar and instantly thinks of Jackson. “I go there to practice songs before doing them in more public spaces” he had told her the last time they had talked about karaoke. “I sing a lot of church music, r&b classics like Teddy Pendergast and Marvin Gaye. But I also come here to sing the songs, I would never sing in public - this crowd doesn’t care. They are usually knee deep into their own pain and grief they don’t hear me singing boy band songs. You know which ones are my favorites. I’ve always loved me some semi-successful boy bands.”

Lucy felt the tears begin to fall as she walked over to the song list and chose the song Jackson loved. A song that could speak to her loss of Jackson - appropriate given today was the anniversary of his death, as well as a song that could speak to her loss of Tim - he’d told her to “move on” three weeks ago. Yet here she was, covertly back in LA when everyone thought she was in Sacramento loving UC school.

She actually hated UC school, hated the premise of going deep under cover for long periods of time lying to everyone in the hopes that maybe, you’d get some intel on a crime worth sacrificing everything and everyone you loved. She didn’t want to sacrifice Tim, despite him clearly not wanting her. She missed him so much and she was beginning to realize and accept how important he had become to her.

Noah, her UC buddy, was somewhere in the dimly lit bar filming her, in her triad get up, crazy nails and make up. Filming this assignment of being one person in a sea of completely unrelated people doing something outrageous. She and Noah had been Clippers fans, in Clippers jerseys, at a Lakers game against Denver, cheering for the Clippers game they were watching on Noah’s phone while court side during the game. With their black hoodies and sunglasses, the news crews thought they were some celebrities punking an ex boyfriend of hers because they kept glaring at the Lakers bench. Mission accomplished.

Singing the a one-hit wonder from a former kinda-sorta-successful boy band member in a dive bar less than a mile from Tim’s house, where every song in the jukebox was written before 1980 should do the trick for her as well.

What she didn’t know was that Tim was in the bar, hunched over his 3rd whiskey trying to fill the void left by Lucy. Tim was at this bar because he had heard Jackson mention it to Lucy and if he got too drunk, he could easily walk home. Yes, ok, Tim totally eavesdropped their conversation and he came here to drown his sorrows and listen to some surprisingly great singers practice. Tonight had been too quiet. Too many of his thoughts festered in his gut.

Normally, there were songs to distract him, but tonight he just missed her. Lost in his thoughts and whiskey, Tim didn’t notice the hooded couple enter the bar. He didn’t notice the guy next to him discretely filming the girl now stepping up to the microphone. But his awareness clocked on, and Tim clocked in, cop eyes fully aware, when she spoke and then began to sing.

“I’m Sava. Tonight I sing for Jackson… and Jake. The two great men I’m missing and longing for tonight. Jackson - this one is for you.”

The first notes of melancholy from the sad song began to play, and as Tim watches out of the corner of his eye, the woman who clearly is not Lucy begins to sing.

Tim doesn’t recognize the song but is locked onto the singer… the voice.. he knows that voice…He flashes back to the aborted American Idol audition….despite what he told Lucy, he had heard her and had been mesmerized. Something in her tone or timbre called to him and locked him in place. And this singer sounded the same. The exact same.

Tim tuned back into the song during the bridge and felt the heartache and imagined it was Lucy, longing for him. And the pain eased slightly.

“Falling faster, barely breathing, give me something to believe in, tell me it’s not all in my head

Take what’s left of this man, make me whole once again..

Cause I want you and I feel you, crawling underneath my skin

Like a hunger, like a burning, to find a place I’ve never been

Now I’m broken and I’m fading, I am half the man I thought I would be

You can have all that’s left, Yeah yeah yeah, what’s left of me..”

And then, moments later, the song ends to a surprising smattering of applause and the grungy guy next to Tim ambles forward, wraps his arm around Sava and they go, leaving Tim alone with his whiskey, longing in the dark.

[ncisfranchise-source]

It’s almost hard to believe, but the NCISverse reaches quite the milestone with the April 15 episode of the mothership, and to celebrate that, Entertainment Tonight put together NCISverse: The First 1,000.

The special both looks back at the very beginnings of NCIS—introduced as a two-parter on JAG—as well as the spinoffs that already exist, and ahead to the 1,000th episode itself and the two new shows still to come (the prequel Origins and the not-yet-titled Tony and Ziva series set in Europe). NCIS is currently in its 21st season and Hawai’i its third. Sydney is coming back for a second. Los Angeles aired 14 seasons, while New Orleans ended after seven.

Below, we’ve rounded up all the fun reveals from the special.

Cast’s Most Shocking Moments

Over the years and across the shows, there have been some unbelievable moments, from deaths to big relationship steps to major returns. And just like fans, the stars have the ones that surprised them the most.

Both Sean Murray (McGee) and Brian Dietzen (Dr. Palmer) name Kate’s (Sasha Alexander) death at the end of Season 2. “No one saw it coming—except if you go back and you look at the actual footage, you see Michael Weatherly [flinch] before she gets shot because he knows a burst of blood is about to hit his face,” Dietzen adds.

CBS

Rocky Carroll (Vance) says his character’s wife being killed off, while Noah Mills (Jesse) points to Tennant (Vanessa Lachey) getting her arm broken in the Hawai’i Season 2 finale.

For Diona Reasonover (Kasie), hers is probably the same as many fans’: Ziva’s (Cote de Pablo) return in the Season 16 finale after she’d been presumed dead. “They didn’t tell me. I found out with America, and boy was I surprised,” Reasonover recalls. “I literally pulled the script up on my phone and was like, ‘That’s not supposed to happen.’”

Mark Harmon Made It All Possible

ET‘s Kevin Frazier, who hosts the special notes, “None of it would have been possible without the distinguished service of this man, who seemed to know right from the start just where the series was going.”

Gary Cole, whose Parker has taken as team leader following Harmon’s Gibbs retiring to Alaska, says, “He’s the reason the show got on the air, pure and simple. Solid movie career going. He was a go-to series lead actor.”

Weatherly (Tony) recalls the first thing Harmon said to him: “‘You eat lunch with the crew.’ And it wasn’t a question.”

In a 2003 interview, shown during the special, Harmon said, “This show will work as a team or go down as a team, and that’s how I’ve always looked at it.” (We’ve seen how true that is over the years with the various cast changes.)

NCIS‘ Early Days, Starting With JAG

Weatherly notes that he did over 300 episodes of the mothership (he’ll be returning in the upcoming Paramount+ spinoff about Tony and Ziva) and what stuck with him from his first day on set. “In the middle of my first paragraph, [creator] Don Bellisario walked onto the set and said, ‘What are you doing, modeling? Don’t just stand there. Surprise me! Entertain me!’ and I just changed my simple thing, which was I didn’t care who found me entertaining. I just entertained myself, and I’ve been doing that ever since.”

Two JAG Season 8 episodes introduced the characters of Gibbs, Tony, Ducky (the late David McCallum), and Abby (Pauley Perrette), who would go on to be part of NCIS. They were joined by Robyn Lively as Vivian Blackadder, who didn’t make it to NCIS—and is the role that Jennifer Aniston had been considered for. (Harrison Ford, Alec Baldwin, Kevin Bacon, Andrew McCarthy, and Patrick Swayze‘s names were all brought up to possibly play Gibbs.)

Harmon reveals that his character almost had a different name. “I read Leroy Jethro Gibbs and I said, ‘Wow, I like that name.’ Then for a brief second when I’d decided I really liked the idea and the project, the name changed. All of a sudden it was Bob Johnson or something like that,” he shares. “I just went, ‘What? No, it’s gotta be Leroy Jethro Gibbs,’ and the creator said, ‘No, you can’t play a guy named Leroy Jethro Gibbs.’ I said, ‘Why not?’ Then it went back, so I was happy about that.”

Originally, NCIS was pitched as Law & Order in the navy, half case and half courtroom, according to Frazier. But the investigation part tested best with audiences, who were also impressed with Harmon.

“Because it was two episodes of JAG, it wasn’t really a proper pilot,” says Weatherly. “And even when we started airing, they called it Navy NCIS, which is Navy Naval Criminal Investigative Service. You can’t make that up.”

Remembering David McCallum

NCIS Season 21 paid tribute to McCallum and his character with its second episode, which saw a surprise return from Weatherly, reprising his role as Tony. “That was a very emotional day, seeing everybody,” Weatherly says. “Not a dry eye on that set.”

According to Carroll, “David McCallum was 70 years old when the series started, 21 years ago. And the story goes he told his wife, ‘I’m 70 years old. What if this show goes seven years? That’s a long time.’ And he ended up being with the show for 20 seasons.”

What’s to Come in Episode 1,000, Prequel Origins & Tiva Spinoff

First of all, the good thing about the ever-growing franchise is that characters from shows that ended could easily come back; LA‘s LL COOL J is currently recurring in Hawai’i Season 3. Eric Christian Olsen (Deeks on LA) does point out in the special, “I’ve always said that Marty Deeks ain’t dead. I think there’s plenty of room for these characters to come back.” And Harmon acknowledges that he’s asked “a lot” about returning.

Harmon is returning to the franchise, in a way—as narrator and executive producer on the prequel Origins, following Gibbs beginning in 1991 as he starts his career as a newly minted special agent at the fledgling NIS Camp Pendleton office where he forges his place on a gritty, ragtag team led by NCIS legend Mike Franks.

“I think seeing Gibbs coming up as a young guy is going to be fantastic,” says Murray. Weatherly suggests, “maybe Mark Harmon can play Gibbs’ father.”

As for the Tony and Ziva spinoff coming to Paramount+, they’ve been raising their daughter, Tali, together. When Tony’s security company is attacked, they must go on the run across Europe, try to figure out who is after them, and maybe even learn to trust each other again so that they can finally have their unconventional happily ever after.

“Cote de Pablo and I are also getting ready. Moving to Budapest for the summer of 2024, and it is Tony and Ziva now trying to raise their tween daughter and save the world. What could go wrong?” Weatherly asks. “We’re incredibly happy to be making something for the streaming platform because it gives you a little bit more latitude and shooting overseas.”

But first, there’s the 1,000th episode of the franchise, NCIS‘ “A Thousand Yards,” NCIS comes under attack by a mysterious enemy from the past. Also, Vance tries to mend fences with his estranged son by explaining why, despite the ongoing dangers of his job, he still chooses to stay at NCIS.

“All of NCIS is suddenly put under attack, so now you get to see NCIS: Hawai’i, NCIS: LA, NCIS: Sydney coming in to help,” teases Katrina Law (Knight). We already know Lachey and LA‘s Daniela Ruah (Kensi) are guest starring.

[agirlwithbigdreamsforher]

CHAPTER 14

THE NANNY: CHAPTER 14

Pairing: Andy Barber x Annie Johnson (OFC)

Summary: Working and single parenting is not easy. Andy needs to find a nanny for his son Jacob. Annie, an education degree student at Lasell University, comes to their lives just in time for the big changes in Andy’s life.

Warnings: None.

A/N: None.

Disclaimer: I do not give permission for any of my works to be copied, used, translated nor reposted anywhere else but here on this blog. Do not steal what you didn’t work for. Minors and ageless blank blogs don’t interact with me or my works. Reblogs and likes are always welcome. Thank you for reading this work of fiction.

Word count: 2596

GIF not mine, if its yours, please let me know to give you credit :)  

                                   ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

“Hey guys!” Annie said when she saw her friends in the screen of her laptop. “How is Mexico Mark?”

“Amazing! It would be better if you were here.”

“You’re such a liar!” Sharon said “You don’t miss us, I’m sure Steve is keeping busy,” She wiggled her eyebrows

“Oh, he is! Trust me! Keeping me full all night.”

“Alright, I love you, but I really don’t wanna know about your sex life.” Annie said and everyone laughed.

“Talking about sex life, how are things with Andy?” Mark asked.

“There is nothing going on with him.”

“Liar! Tell us everything.” Sharon said.

“There is nothing to tell you guys. I mean, yes we live together, but you know nothing has ever happened. We have seen each other in our underwear and…”

“Wow! What??? When did that happened and why didn’t we know about it?!” Sharon commented.

“The day after I moved, he forgot I was here and he showed up in the kitchen only in his boxers.”

“Please tell me he looks as yummy as I think he does without clothes on.” Mark said.

“He does” Annie giggled “and, he has tattoos on his chest.” There was a pause “Oh! And he saw one of my thongs!”

“Alright!” Sharon said, “Next time you should inform us of all of that, is not very friend of you to hide those things!”

“Ok, ok. There have been a couple of times that I’ve thought he would kissed me, but then he doesn’t, or when we watch TV he takes my hand, I’ve noticed he looks at me and then he looks away, nothing too serious.”

“Oh darling, it is serious. Maybe he is just shy.” Sharon said.

“Shy? Come on! Is very obvious he likes it rough in the bedroom!” Mark interfered “Perhaps he doesn’t know what to do, maybe he wants to give you some space due to what happen to you. Give him a push, if you really think he wants to kiss you then kiss him! You have nothing to lose.”

“Ammm yeah! If something goes wrong I can lose my job.”

“But if everything goes right, you’ll gain a hot successful daddy.” Sharon said.

“Why is everyone so interested in my love life? No one is asking Sharon if she is dating someone!”

“Ok, first of all, cuz we actually think Andy likes you and you deserve to be happy after what happened with Daniel and second, if you must know, I met someone on Tinder…”

“You should be careful with that.” Annie said.

“Yes, mom.” Sharon answered sarcastically. “As I was saying, he seems nice, we haven’t go out yet, but we plan to do it.”

“I agree with Annie, you should be careful. I have to go now. Keep me posted on what happens with you two. Love you.” Mark disconnected from the call.

“He seems happy.”

“Yeah, I’m glad he is happy.”

“So how is Andy?”

“Are we going on with that?”

“No, no. I ask because of the case he is working on, I saw him on TV.”

It was a Thursday and it’s been three weeks now since Annie moved in with the Barbers. Andy was loaded with work, a murder case under his wing. The media was covering the whole thing, everyone in Massachusetts knew who Andy Barber was now, the promising young ADA who was trying to put “The death angel”, as the media named him, behind bars.

“He is tired. He doesn’t say it but I notice, he hasn’t eat or sleep well in days. His birthday was last week and we couldn’t even celebrate it, we bought him a cake and sang happy birthday to him, but that was pretty much it, it was very sad to be honest.”

“Poor Andy, and how is Jake?”

“He is good, he is now next door playing with the neighbor. Andy hides what he is working on at the moment, which is good. Neither Jake nor I are allowed to go into his office, and trust me right at this moment I really don’t want to see what he has there.”

“I believe you. In another topic, I was thinking maybe we should go out tomorrow night, girl’s night, nothing too crazy, how about dinner?”

“Sure! I’ll see you at 6 at your place.”

“Perfect! See you tomorrow.”

Annie closed her laptop and went to the living room, turned the TV on and sat down. The news were on, showing the affected families with Andy behind them. Everyone were fighting over to have an interview with him, he had won the case. A life sentence for the man who murder those 5 poor young girls. Annie kept looking at him answering every question asked by the reporters, he looked exhausted, the bags under his eyes, his hallow cheeks, he was in a poorly state. She turned the TV off and went to the kitchen to start making lunch.

It probably had passed half an hour, Annie was making a turkey sandwich for lunch, when her phone went off, an unknown number in the screen, but she picked up anyways.

“Hello?”

“Hello gorgeous, how are you?” A man with, what she assumed, was his sexy voice answered on the other side.

“I’m good, who is this?”

“Oh! You don’t remember me! That’s bad cuz I certainly remember you.”

“Look if you have nothing better to do, bother somebody else with this type of calls ok?” Annie heard how the man struggle with someone else on the other side of the phone.

“That’s mine! Gimme my phone back!” the man yelled.

“Hey! Is this Annie?” another manly voice sounded.

“Yes, and you are?”

“Forgive my partner, he actually thinks is funny and sexy, I’m Anthony, Andy’s friend.”

“Oh! His poker friends! You’re detective Mackie right?”

“Yes, ma’am, look we were wondering if you are busy, we need you to come and pick Andy to the courthouse.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Ammm well, he is kind of catatonic, he is just in his office staring at a blank point in the wall and he is not talking.”

“I’m on my way.”

Annie grabbed her wallet and the car keys, she went to the neighbor’s house to tell Mrs. López she will be out for a while. She drove all the way to the courthouse, the police at the entrance asked her why she was there, made her go through a metal detector, gave her a pass and let her through and told her which way to go to find Andy’s office. She walked all the way there, until she saw the familiar face of a woman.

“Hi! I know you, I’m…”

“Andy’s “wife”. Stacy answered dryly, and the air quotes made Annie lift her eyebrow “What you want?”

“I’m here to pick him up.”

“Weird, he never said you were coming, and as far as I know he said he didn’t want to be disturbed.”

“Listen,” Annie said with no patience, “I am his wife, and I have every right to be here and go to his office!”

“No, you’re not.” Stacy answered back.

“Hey! You made it.” Anthony and Seb approach to Annie. “Come with us”.

“You can’t go in there!” Anthony, Seb and Annie ignored her “I don’t care if she is his wife or not, you can’t do that.”

Anthony and Seb looked at each other, and turned to Annie.

“What is she talking about?” Seb asked.

“Ammm long story short, one day that girl was flirting with Andy and he told her I was his wife to get her off his back.”

“Can’t blame him, she is quite noisy and annoying.”

Andy’s office was closed, the drapes were closed as well. They knock and receive no answer. Annie opened the door slowly, Andy was sitting on his chair, head down, and tie loose around his neck, his jacket hanging on the back of the chair. Neither of them dare to move, and then Seb pushed Annie inside.

“Hey!”

“Go on, we have tried everything.” Anthony said.

“Well, not everything. You didn’t want to use my plan of throwing water at him.” Seb interfered.

Annie kept looking at them, she could tell that Seb was the child of the pair. Annie turned and walked towards Andy who was still in the same spot. She kneeled next to his chair, her hand went to touch his cheek to make him look at her.

“Andy?” no answer “Baby…” Andy groaned when he listened the loving word. “Hey! Look at me.” Andy lifted his gaze to meet her eyes. His eyes were red and glossy, Annie had never seen him like this.

“I won.” Andy’s voice was barely a whisper.

“I know, I saw. I’m so proud of you!”

“Everyone is saying that.”

“But I mean it” She giggled “Come on, let’s get you home, so you can rest.”

“I’m exhausted.”

“I know, that’s why I’m here. Can you stand?” Andy nodded and did as he was told, Annie hold him by the waist as Andy put her arm around her shoulders. Anthony and Seb walked in to take Andy’s things and followed them out of the office to Annie’s car.

“Thank you for coming.” Anthony said while helping Andy to get in the car.

“Thank you for calling. He needs to sleep, he worked so hard on this.”

They said good bye and Annie drove back home. They walked to the door, Annie helped him with his stuff, and opened the door for him.

“Come on, big guy. You need a shower, food and rest.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“We’ll start with the shower then. Let’s go.”

Once in the room, Annie turned the shower on, the steam of the hot water filling the bathroom. She then came back to help Andy with his clothes until he was only in his boxers.

“Can you go from here?” Andy nodded at her question “Good, be right back. I’m making you a sandwich.”

Andy walked into the bathroom, took off his underwear and stepped in the shower. The hot water relaxing his muscles, the pressure he had been feeling for the past weeks was vanishing right at this moment. He took a deep breath, and started to wash his hair and body. After 15 minutes he came out, the bed looked incredible comfortable, or so he thought. He put a white shirt and some sweats, dried his hair as much as he could and went under the covers. His eyes felt heavy, the mattress felt like a marshmallow and his duvet was soft like a cloud. Annie walked in carrying a tray with two plates and two glasses with orange juice, Andy was dozing off with his back against the head board.

“Andy?” He opened his eyes, a sleepy smile on his lips “I brought you something to eat.”

“’M tired” He yawned “Later.”

“Ok” she smiled and put the tray on the vanity “Lay down. Jake is with the neighbors, he won’t wake you up.” she gave him a small kiss on his forehead. “I see you when you wake up.”

“Lay down with me, please.” At this point Andy was half asleep. Annie nodded, took off her shoes, and laid under the cover next to him. Her hand caressed his face and that’s all it took for Andy to fall in a deep sleep. No longer after Annie fell asleep too.

When Andy opened his yes, he was on his back, looking at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure how long he slept, but he felt better than before, rested at least. A warm feeling on his chest made him looked down, Annie’s hand was resting there, her hair all over the pillow; he took her hand and turned to see her. She looked so at peace, her eyelids were moving.

“What are you dreaming of?” Andy whispered and Annie mumbled in her sleep which cause Andy to giggle, making Annie to wake up. Her eyes fluttered open to find Andy staring at her.

“You talk in your sleep.” Andy said “it’s cute.” Annie groaned and covered her face “Is true, it is cute.”

“Did you rest?” Annie said moving her hands out of her face.

“Yes, thank you for picking me up. I just couldn’t drive.”

“Care to tell me what was going on in that head of yours?” Andy sighed.

“I think it was everything. The case, the evidence, the families, they counted on me, and for a moment while I was speaking to the jury I thought I’d lost. And all I could think of was what was I going to say to the parents of those girls.”

“But you did everything you could, and you succeeded! I saw how much time and effort you put into this, the sleepless nights…”

“You notice I wasn’t sleeping?”

“Your footsteps are heavy when you are tired, so you made noise walking down the stairs every night. I sneaked behind you a few times” She confessed “I saw you looking at the pictures you had in your office. Were they bad?”

“They were pictures of the murder scenes. So yes, they were bad. Every time I went to bed I kept seen those poor innocent girls, one of them looked so much like you. And just the thought of anyone hurting you, I just can’t…” his voice broke and his eyes filled with tears.

“Shhhh, I’m right here. Not going anywhere. Not any time soon at least.” Her hand went to the nape of his head caressing him gently.

“Did you mean what you said in my office? Are you proud of me?”

Annie smiled and gave him a peck on the lips; Andy was shook until a wide smile was on his face.

“Of course is true! I like you Andy. And I’m not saying it because you’re my boss. Actually I shouldn’t be saying it because of the same reason, but I do. I don’t know if you like me back, Jake says you do, god I’m trusting in what a 3 year old says and…”

Andy crashed his lips against her to shush her down, they smiled to each other and then kissed again, this time slower. Their lips touched each other, gently first, taking the time to explore every part of their lips and their mouths. Their tongues massaging one another and then they stopped. Andy took a deep breath.

“So you like me, like me?” Annie said all fluster after the kiss they shared.

“Yes!” Andy Laughed “I like you, like you.”

“Good, cuz I like you.”

“You already said that, but is good to know is true.”

“So,” Annie said touching his nose with hers “What now?”

“Wanna go out on a date with me?” Annie nodded eagerly at the question, and Andy kissed her back.

“Are you gonna be kissing me from now on?”

“Every fucking time I have the chance.” Annie Laughed “So, how about tomorrow?”

“Shit! I can’t, I promise Sharon we will have a girls’ night. But I’m free on Saturday, I just have to let my boss know I’m gonna be out for the night.”

“I’m sure he’ll say there won’t be a problem.”

Andy leaned in to kiss her again and then his stomach growled, making Annie laughed. She stood up and brought the tray to bed.

“I was planning to have lunch with you earlier. I can chance the juice for a beer.”

“This is fine.” Andy took his sandwich “Thank you, honey.” He kissed her cheek and bit his sandwich.

[always-andromeda]

Today marks eight years since the first time I came out as bisexual. And as part of my personal celebration of this occasion, I’d like to recount some memories and reflections I have from those moments.

If you don’t care to read about all of that, simply take this as an explanation as for why I’m going to be reblogging tons of gay shit today. Thank you for reading this PSA and have a wonderful day, folks. 💛

The first time it hit me that there was something a little bit out of the ordinary with me was when I started developing feelings for my best friend at twelve. At the time, I had no clue what to actually label those feelings. But I could make out the building blocks. For one, I thought she was the prettiest girl in the whole world. Whenever she’d sing to me, I could feel myself falling. And I knew that I would get immensely jealous every time she talked about her boyfriend. So much so that I came up with a fake boyfriend in an attempt to make her jealous too.

This endeavor was an utter failure. And the way I orchestrated the most dramatic DCOM-esque “breakup” with my “boyfriend” (whom I named Graham lmao) really should’ve been foreshadowing my future as a writer.

From there, I was ashamed and embarrassed of my queerness. The only reason why I knew gay people even existed was because I’d stumbled across gay porn. And I’m sure you can imagine how damaging it is when you’re twelve years old and your only concept of queerness comes from lesbian porn made for the enjoyment of straight cis men.

Needless to say…I was confused. And deeply scared. Being raised Christian, I was well aware of the fate that would befall me if I gave into this sin. Every single day for about two years, I woke up and went to sleep knowing that I was alone, unloved, and that I was most certainly going to burn in hell for all eternity. And there was nothing I could do about it.

I don’t remember when I first learned that bisexuality was a thing, but I do remember the day I first came out so vividly. I did it partially because I felt like a liar. I felt like I was deceiving the people that I supposedly loved. And I figured the only way to make that right was to tell the truth. So, I drafted out a long text message that I would eventually send to my three best friends. Over and over again I edited that note, trying to get my words right, hoping and praying that things would go well.

I will never forget the visceral anxiety that flooded my nerves when I finally sent those text messages. To this day, the only time I ever felt a fear that was comparable was a literal life or death experience I went through a few years ago.

My hands shook and all I wanted was to eject the contents of my stomach and sob. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more vulnerable (in the worst way possible) in my entire life.

All three of my friends gave three radically different responses. The first one who was already openly queer told me that they were proud of me, that they loved me, and they accepted me. Unfortunately, it started to go down from there.

My second friend told me that she loved me and cared for me, but that ultimately, she was a Catholic and could never approve of my “lifestyle.” I still find it silly how in the years of friendship that followed this exchange, she wouldn’t hesitate to utilize queer vernacular and turned every queer kid she met into her little pet gay.

Finally, my third friend’s reaction was what broke my heart the most. This girl was my best friend. But she was also a massive Christian and incredibly ignorant and unsympathetic. Her first reaction was that I better not start flirting with her. Right afterwards came the disapproval. I got the classic “love the sinner, hate the sin” lecture.

And as a girl who was still trying to be a Christian, I accepted that. I came away from the whole thing knowing that something in me was deeply, deeply broken. And that not even the fact that I was also attracted to men could “fix” that brokenness. I simply had to accept that for some reason, God just decided I was cursed.

Despite this, my friends thought it was very funny to make my queerness the punchline. I was “jokingly” called slurs, was sexualized by my straight male friends, and forced to come out to the homophobes at my school by my straight female friends. Because I guess putting a target on your best friend’s back is hilarious.

For years I put up with that bullshit because I truly believed I didn’t deserve any better than that. I thought the only way I could hope to gain acceptance was if I, in turn, accepted the abuse. At the time, it seemed like a fair trade.

Now, eight years later, I know better. I’ve concluded that if there is a God, they probably are well aware that I’m just trying my best. I like to think that this God would want me to embrace all the beauty they instilled in me. And I try not to hold too much bitterness for the people who hurt me back then. I try to focus on how grateful I am now that the majority of my friends are also queer and that the ones who aren’t are still staunch allies who are always willing to open their minds up to new ideas.

I’m immensely lucky to still be here. Because there are so many who came before me who aren’t here. And that’s why it feels vital for me to share my experiences. Without this openness, I think it becomes so much easier for us to believe that we are alone and hopeless when that is very much not the case. I am not the first person to feel this kind of pain, nor will I be the last. But the only way that we can have a shot at eradicating that fear is by talking about it; by never letting our voices go quiet. On top of this, I feel it is vital for me to remind all of my queer followers that we’re all just trying our best.

Let me restate it loud and clear: There is nothing wrong with you. You aren’t cursed. You aren’t a pet. You aren’t a punchline. You are a human fucking being who is just as deserving of love and respect and community as anyone else. And as much as this world may try to erase us from existence, we will survive. We will insist upon our existence because it is sacred. I promise you, friend. Your existence is sacred. Please, never forget that.

Love always, Andromeda 💛

[katsushika-division]

ARB Birthday Special: Rintaro Himura

 ~~ July 16th ~~

“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”

Login Lines:

“Eh? What the hell are you here for? My…birthday? …Fuck it is today, isn't it?”

“To be honest, I don't care much about celebrating my birthday, but I guess thanks for reminding me.”

Voice Lines: 

“I can't believe I forgot my birthday. *sighs* Whoop de fucking do. It's just another day. I don't see what the big deal is.”

“Let's see what people sent me today for my birthday. Death threats from people whose loved ones were my victims? Check. Fucked up love letters from rabid fangirls saying they want my children? Check. Honestly, I prefer the death threats over the love letters.”

“God, when was the last time I had a decent birthday anyway? I can't remember. I'm pretty sure it was at least before my bitch of an egg donor ran out.”

“No wait. The first birthday I had after Akari was born that…was pretty special. Akari was a couple of months old by then, and she was already trying to say more than that "goo goo gaga" shit. I guess she was just waiting for the right moment because on my birthday she said her first word. Rin-nii. I remember feeling so proud back then.”

“Eh? What the hell do you want, Old Man? Damn getting soft, aren't we? Well, aren't I fucking special? *smirks* Made it my mission to personally annoy you till the day you die, Old Man. Alright, alright, thanks for getting me something then.” 

“Damn Old Man, this is actually pretty useful. God knows how many times I've crushed them. Eh? You’ve been smoking these motherfuckers for how long? So you can't tell me shit about smoking. Alright, you got yourself a deal, Old Man. A mistake I'm sure multiple fuckers regret. *pauses* Also…Akihisa…thanks for everything.” 

“Goddamn it, Touya, it's just my birthday. You don't have to make a big deal out of it. Fuck…alright Touya, we can celebrate it. Just stop staring at me like that, you little shit. Do I even wanna know what you got me, Touya? *sighs* Alright, let me see it then. I swear if it's a knife from your collection.” 

“Oh shit, this is actually really nice. At least it's something that actually suits my style. *sees pricetag* Uhh…Touya? How the hell did you afford this? *blinks* Oh gross! I did not need to know that you fucking sex fiend.” 

“There you are, Akari. I haven't seen you at all today. Don’t tell me you’re trying to avoid your big brother. *pauses* Akari just…just having you back is the best gift I've ever received. Well, I'm kinda curious now. What did you get me?”

“This is a cool figure you got me Akari. *jumps* Oh fuck it just moved and…it's flying around now. *whistles* Holy shit you built this Akari? Wow…I'm stunned. I've never seen anything like it. Ouch! Motherfuck just shot fire at me?!? Huh? Well, that'll come in handy. Shit, I was never good with names but…how about Astaroth? He does, doesn't he? Well then let's get along Astaroth.”

Akihisa Lines:

“Rintaro, I'm glad I caught you. I wanted to give you something considering it's your birthday. *snorts* Hardly, but I suppose I'll make an exception just for you today. Have I ever told you how much of a little shit you are? You know you could be grateful that I even got you something, Brat.” 

“I know how much you hate it when your cigarettes get crushed so I got you this case for them. Perhaps one day you’ll reach a point where you give up smoking those cancer sticks. I’ve been smoking longer than you've been alive, but I’ll make you a deal. You cut back on smoking, and I’ll do the same. Don’t want you dying too early. *sighs fondly* Seems like it was yesterday you were forced into my prison cell. *ruffles hair* Don't mention it, Rintaro.”

Touya Lines:

“Rin-chan~! Happy Birthday! Nuh-uh, birthdays are really special. That's what all those movies say. It's also your first birthday since we got out of prison. So we have to celebrate it! *pulls out puppy eyes* Yeah! I have so many things for us to do today. It's gonna be so much fun! Ah! I got you a present too! *giggles* Here!” 

“I saw the jacket in the window of a store one day and thought it would be perfect for you. Hm? Oh, I just told the store owner I would [CENSORED] and [CENSORED] if he gave me a discount on the jacket. What? You asked!”

Bonus! Akari Lines:

“Rin-nii Happy Birthday. *nods* Ah, yes, that. It's your birthday and the first one we've been able to celebrate together in a long time. So I wanted to make sure your gift was perfect. You deserve something besides that Rin-nii. So here. I hope you like it.”

“Not quite Rin-nii. Watch this. Activate. *giggles* It's your very own dragonbot. It's just something I've been working on for a while. I was just waiting for the right moment to give it to you, and what's more perfect than today? Of course! Just in case you don't have your lighter in you. Oh, also, he doesn't like being called it. He's got feelings too, ya know? Now you just gotta name him! *smiles* He likes it! Promise you'll take good care of him, Rin-nii.”