#this is like. the very first baby step in a relationship arc full of baby steps. but it's a lot to me

[youssefguedira]

lotr au snippet for you all this evening please enjoy them <3 (as always for @spacegirlsgang!)

Yusuf nearly doesn't approach him at all. 

Regardless of what Andy had said, when he reaches the small balcony she'd pointed him towards (more of a ledge, really, given its lack of any kind of railing) and sees Nicolò sitting there, his legs hanging over his edge and his back to Yusuf, shoulders slumped like he's carrying the weight of the world, it feels like something he shouldn't be witnessing. So he almost turns and goes back the way he came, certain that Andy, or one of the hobbits, or even Sebastien will do a better job, because Nicolò hates him – but his job is, in part, to make people smile. He is not as much of a fighter as everyone else in this cobbled-together company, but that he can do. 

Either way, before he can do anything, Nicolò turns and looks at him over his shoulder. He doesn't say a word. Yusuf is pinned in place by his gaze. 

"Hi," Yusuf says after an uncomfortably long pause. "Andy– I wanted to see if you were okay."

Nicolò's lips quirk up into the tiniest of smiles at that, so slight Yusuf wonders if he'd imagined it. He turns away, his back to Yusuf once more.

 "I know I'm not – I know we aren't friends, really, but. If you wanted to talk," Yusuf ventures, trails off mid-sentence when Nicolò shows no response. Maybe Andy was wrong, and he doesn't want company. Certainly not Yusuf's, at the least. 

He decides to try one more time, at the least so he can tell Andy he did try, and because it wouldn't be right, he thinks, to leave him like this without one more attempt.

"Can I sit?" he asks.

Nicolò is silent long enough that Yusuf considers leaving, but then he looks over his shoulder once more and nods. 

So Yusuf makes his way across the short space from the door to the ledge Nicolò is sitting on. He lowers himself down carefully, conscious of the fact that it's not particularly wide and there's barely an inch of space between them, and then swings his legs over the edge to mimic Nicolò's position. Below them, Lorien, in all its magical, eerie glory, and above them, through a break in the canopy of leaves, the stars. Somewhere, the elves are still singing the lament for Quynh, though it's faint, now. 

"I'm sorry," is what Yusuf says, because he can't think of anything else. From this distance, Nicolò's eyes are red-rimmed, and he looks – he looks tired. 

"Thank you," Nicolò responds. He doesn't look at Yusuf. Just keeps staring ahead. 

"I didn't know her well," Yusuf says, "but. She was kind." 

Nicolò is silent for a long time. Then – "She was my sister," Nicolò says, so quiet it's barely audible. 

And Yusuf doesn't know what to say to that, because what can he say? So instead, he sits in silence, and waits. 

After a while, Nicolò speaks again. "Tell me about something." 

Yusuf nods, probably too quickly. "About what?" 

"I don't know." Nicolò tilts his head then, finally looks at him properly. "You're a storyteller, no? Tell me a story." 

There's something so quietly vulnerable in his voice, so exhausted, that Yusuf couldn't refuse even if he wanted to. "Okay," Yusuf says. "Okay." 

So he does. 

[mxplesyrvp]

`•*ੈ💭`‧₊˚— whimsical whites and baby blues | feat. gojo satoru.

* ˚💭‧₊˚ synopsis — satoru thinks its dangerous for you to love him so much but he still can't help but be a little selfish, which scares him. however, you would stop at nothing to keep loving him either, even if it cost you your life.

⚘ word count + genre — 1.13k || hurt/comfort

⚘ warnings — spoilers + set in gojo's past arc, established relationship, a lot of internal monologue, less dialogue + more feels, mentions of death, very self-indulgent, not beta read. || gn!reader.

⚘ notes! — finally getting into writing after a long time and it's my first time writing for gojo! please be kind <33

you never knew that stars could taste like fractured dreams until you kissed him.

on most days, his kisses taste like clear blue skies —whimsical and full of wonder— stealing your breath with the secrets they held. but on other days, they were simple and delightful like clouds of cotton candy, each kiss a swirl of sugary sweetness. sometimes they were akin to cups of hot chocolate on a winter's night, comforting you with an embrace. other times, they tasted like stolen pancakes, crisp at the edges and soft in the centre, dipped in honey as they left a trail of golden warmth in their wake.

but now when your lips touched his, the only thing you could taste were stars so broken they had forgotten how to shine. they tasted like lost ambition, burning desperation and the hopelessness of being left alone yet again. it felt like the pleading of a worshipper whose God had left His shrine; like the silence of a lover who had had his heart broken.

when it came to gojo satoru, he liked to think that no force in the world could ever rival his strength. but this time, he had been brought down to his knees, his heart bloodied and blooming into a bruised flower, all because his God—the light of his life—had stepped over the threshold of his paradise.

even with the weight of the world on his shoulders, satoru loved you as much as you did him, despite death clinging to your lips. but no other feeling could ever compare to what he had for his best friend, geto suguru. and he was gone, taking the keys to the doors he had locked so meticulously with those cursed hands of his, for he believed that gojo could never open them up without him.

"i was starting to get used to the thought that you weren't coming back either," he said, misery sitting heavy on his tongue.

"to be very honest," you said, a small smile pulling the corners of your lips,"i was getting used to it too."

it had been over a month since you were stranded in the nasty domain of the curse you were assigned to exorcize— a hellish paradise you would love to live in had it been a real place, had it not been killing you so slow that you barely ever noticed. hours after you saw through your assignment, you knew of all the things that had transpired in the time you were held off. the assassination of the star plasma vessel, the death of toji fushiguro, geto and his new plan of action— after all, bad news had wings and the winds always favoured them to travel faster.

"i don't think I'll ever get used to this weird feeling," he huffs out, his gaze unfocused, shifting towards the window.

and you, just like always, could no longer tell if his eyes were a reflection of the sky or the sky resided within them. blue, blue, blue— so blue that you could almost see the storm brewing within them. you could tell he was lost in that storm, vulnerability teasing the edges of the surface under which he had buried it.

"what feeling?" you asked quite bluntly, bringing him back to reality.

and those beautiful blue eyes found their way into your weary ones. You would never get over how blue they were or how much you would love to drown in them, until you were that very colour and nothing else was left of you. It was a curious thing to keep guessing how much depth those eyes held and once again your mind was splintered between deciding whether they were more akin to the ocean than the skies.

"the feeling of being left behind like this," he said, the pain behind each word so pronounced that even you could feel it. "it's like almost everyone i'm associated with is always driven to the edge. they distance themselves or just....die. i'm afraid that one of these days, i might cause you to leave as well."

this time, you couldn't help but snicker a little. if you were to count the number of times you made memories with gojo, you'd find that most of them were nightmares. but even in those you could find buds of hope; because nightmares were dreams too. dreams were hopeful little things. and they were the heart's favourite delicacies for which it hungered so relentlessly.

it was a given there was no safe place in the world for people like you. people like you who carried angels within your hearts and demons in your blood, who were often brought down by that which you hunted, who carried battles in your fingertips, in every breath and every heartbeat— there was no place safer than this one for you. it was a daunting thing to love someone in a world like that, where every breath you drew could be your last. but brutal was the heart which fed on love and it would stop at nothing to want more of that feeling.

"there's no way I would ever leave on my own," you said, smiling through your teeth, "even death will be a small price to pay. he pales in comparison to what I have with you, satoru."

"and you, kind of need a hug," you added more as an afterthought to lighten the mood a little.

gojo wasted no time to pull you into him, both his hands snaking around your waist and his face buried in the crook of your neck. he smelled like caramel and citrus as usual, his breath soft and frosty hair tickling your skin.

you knew better than most humans that you did not have all the time in the world. if death wanted you, he would find you even if you tried to hide from him. but for now, it was helpless against the sun inside of gojo. the sun within him didn't shine like early morning warm rays but it burned like wildfire. it burned so golden that it was almost white, scorching your heart in the process. and he still believed that he was safe— safe enough to love you and for you to love as well.

he knew very well that the sun inside him could burn the world, but he still looked at you like you were his undoing, he still held you like he wanted you to love him. and to love him was to face the wildfire inside him— to burn with him.

at that moment, you wish you could have a conversation with death. if you could, then you would look it in the eyes and say something you knew would make death's heart stop.

"if you want me, then find me in the ashes."

© mxplesyrvp, since 2022, all rights reserved. Do not copy, repost, modify or translate without permission.

[raine-kai]

How Much Ace Loved Luffy (and so does Sabo, but this is mostly about Ace)

I have been suffering from the worst One Piece brainrot. Seriously, I cannot think about anything else without bring it back to One Piece, which is particularly unfortunate this month when my schedule is completely nuts.

(A few days ago, I was reading a scientific paper and I saw the word "doctrine" and went "omg Dr. Kureha??? Why is this paper mentioning One Piece?"—it's that bad.)

The thing I have been thinking about the most is Luffy's relationship with his brothers.

First off, I would like to say that I vehemently disagree with the take that Sabo is just Ace 2.0. While the relay of their stories can make them feel that way on an emotional level, exacerbated by Sabo succeeding Ace with the flame-flame fruit powers, I think Oda has done an excellent job showing that they are very distinct not only in personality, but in their relationships with Luffy.

Ace was always the first brother.

He's the one who knows Garp just as well as Luffy. He's the one introduced to Luffy through Garp. He's the one Luffy initially attaches himself to. He's the one who was there all through Luffy's childhood and adolescence, who can do a handstand on Luffy's head with no explanation, knowing that Luffy can hold him and knowing that Luffy will understand exactly what he is telling Luffy to do.

Ace was also always the most self-deprecating brother. When he was arrested, his first and only request was that nobody tell Luffy about it. When talking to Jinbei, he tells him that he would have worried Luffy couldn't live without him, but having seen his crew, he knows that Luffy will be okay.

When Luffy hears that Ace is in trouble, his first reaction is that Ace has his own adventures, and that Ace will be angry if he drops everything to chase after Ace. But when he is told that Ace is in Impel Down and his execution day is already scheduled, he drops everything, including reuniting with his crew, to sneak into the highest security prison in the world to try to break out his brother.

Meanwhile, Sabo is the kind brother.

If Ace was aware of how codependent Luffy was with him and tried to utilize tough love to push Luffy away, he's also always been the most inclined to bicker and trade mockery and insults with Luffy. Meanwhile, Sabo has always been more inclined to be concerned for Luffy, and use positive reinforcement to help Luffy improve. When Ace and Luffy were at odds, Sabo was often the mediator.

Sabo and Ace have known each other longer than either of them has known Luffy, but their relationship as brothers exists because of Luffy. As Sabo pointed out in his farewell letter to Ace, they never even defined what kind of brother they were (a thing that has more significance in Japanese, where big brother/younger brother are terms far more common than the neutral "kyoudai", which translates to elder-brother-younger-brother, and can often denote a non-blood relationship).

Luffy is their crybaby weakling baby brother, and they are both willing to throw everything aside if they are worried that Luffy might be in trouble. Not once in the story have Ace or Sabo showed up without stepping in to rescue Luffy somehow.

But today, the rescue that sticks in my brain is the most painful one of all: the death of Portgas D. Ace.

In a world full of people who exposit about the honor and dignity of a death with a back unmarked by scars, Ace dies with his back to Akainu, whose fist goes right through the tattoo proclaiming Ace's loyalty to Whitebeard.

Whitebeard's significance in Ace's life was huge.

With Ace's anger issues rooted in a childhood of being told he should never have existed, his arc is about learning that yes, he deserved to exist—he deserved to live.

And while Luffy's love, Luffy declaring how much he needed Ace, provided something of a salvation, some kind of purpose, it was not enough. Because Ace was trying to teach Luffy to be self-sufficient—was trying to help him to grow up into a man who wouldn't need Ace. Even at the very end, as he thanks Luffy for loving him, he describes himself with self-deprecation.

Being needed wasn't enough. Ace needed Whitebeard, because he needed a parent figure whom he could believe loved him, for whom he was enough. His relationship with Dadan was too utilitarian: he brought her food, and she let him stick around. His relationship with Garp was too marked with the conflict born of Garp's stated wish for Ace and Luffy to become marines. Whitebeard was the first person to embrace Ace exactly as he was and call him his son, and never expect him to be or do anything else.

Ace is genuinely surprised at the war that is waged to save his life.

Not only does he not expect Luffy to show up, he doesn't even expect Whitebeard to show up.

Regarding Whitebeard, Ace sees his actions as his own failure. He did not listen when Whitebeard told him to let Blackbeard go. His own failure to heed his father's cautionary words should not be cause for his father to wage war on the marine headquarters, he thinks.

But when Luffy turns up, Ace shouts at him—exactly as Luffy had predicted. He demands to know what Luffy thinks he's doing, weakling that he is. That Ace has his own adventures and his own pirate crew, and he doesn't need Luffy to come too.

"I'm your little brother," says Luffy in response, and I always start tearing up at that line, in manga or anime.

As far as Luffy is concerned, losing Ace is not an option.

And that one line is all it takes to make Ace back off. To remember that yes—Luffy is still his little brother, though they each have their own crews now.

The Marineford War is so full of moments where Luffy shows himself to be capable of so much more than anybody expected was possible.

But of course we all know how it ends. Luffy is the one to free Ace, but he's also the one who doesn't notice how vulnerable he is to the charging Akainu.

And Ace takes the blow intended for Luffy with his back—right in the tattoo declaring his alliance to Whitebeard.

I can't stop thinking about the significance of this.

All Ace had ever been searching for—family, belonging, purpose, acknowledgement that he was wanted—he got from Whitebeard, who was his parent in a way that nobody ever was, breaking through his insecurities about his parentage in a way that surely only got through to Ace because Whitebeard is someone who personally knew Roger. In a world without Luffy, Whitebeard and his crew would have been Ace's salvation.

But we don't live in that world. We don't know if Ace would have made it long enough to join Whitebeard in a world without Luffy.

What Ace tells us in the way that he shielded Luffy from Akainu was that Luffy was worth more to him than everything he got from Whitebeard and everyone on that crew. That he loved Luffy above and beyond all others.

And he thanked Luffy (and Whitebeard and his crew) for loving him.

I'm sure there has been ample discourse on the significance of these things. I'm pretty sure I've read, if not participated in it. But having circled back here recently, I feel like I'm discovering the significance all anew.

Ace said thank you for loving me and not I love you because he saw more value in being loved than his own love. Surely it would have been more comforting to Luffy to hear that he was loved—but Ace is caught up in the idea that he is demonspawn, not worth existing, much less being loved.

With how much he talks about Luffy to everyone he meets, surely in a world where he did not have cause to question his existence, where he did not grow up knowing that the world wished him dead, he would have been happy to just exist with the brothers he loved. He would not have felt he needed to prove that he deserved to exist.

Meanwhile, though Luffy idealizes pirates from an earlier point in the story, their backstory shows us that Luffy's desire to grow stronger originates in learning how Sabo "died". And Ace supports this narrative that Luffy ought to grow stronger, more self-sufficient.

At Luffy's core is simply love: a desire to hold his loved ones close, to be strong enough to never lose them again.

But he lost Ace anyway.

And Ace just wanted Luffy to be safe—to go on without him. His only regret, he said, was that he wouldn't be around to see the end of Luffy's dream.

Ace, at his core, just wanted to be loved. And he had that, but was not able to accept it, to believe that he deserved it, until the very end.

And isn't that just heartbreaking?

I believe that it was Ace's spirit, realizing Sabo was still alive, who knocked the memory back into him, screaming at him what the hell has he been doing, go protect and support their baby brother.

I believe Ace still lives on in Luffy, who will never stop loving the brother who all but raised him.

But I need to cry about it anyway. Again.

[hexiquin]

Sano & Haru:Chronically Connected

THE END...FOR NOW!!!!

We reached the end my fellow yohaji enjoyers~ Hope you all enjoyed my ramblings about my favorite duo.

(Chapter 83-92)

☆Chapter 83｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡.｡:+*ﾟ

Throughout this whole chapter Sano shows that he will the first one to run after Haru. When haru runs towards the shrine he doesn't stop to wonder what is going on. Choosing to go after him and be the first to be there.

When Haru gets his soul taken, he was the first one to snap out of his shock to try to get his soul back. And in turn this gets the rest of the students to instantly kick into gear and follow his lead.

When Haru's body falls, he goes after it, again all instinct and no plan. He even seemingly turns their bodies so that he would take the bulk of the impact.

☆Chapter 84｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡.｡:+*ﾟ

Sano, desperately trying to get keep Haru's soul safe accidentally has his powers get of control and her shatters his soul. You can see the boy trying his best to keep his seimei-sensei safe. And when you see his face after and see how devastated he is you can tell how far we've come.

Old Sano would feel horrible about hurting someone this bad with his powers, but current Sano feels even more horrible that it is someone who he so obviously cares about. Someone he was will to sacrifice his own wellbeing for, being hurt by him.

(Side note-it was really heart warming to see even students who don't get as much time to show their relationship with Haru still show that they love this man, such found family vibes!)

☆Chapter 87｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡.｡:+*ﾟ

And now for the Haru version of "tragic moment in this relationship during this arc".

Haru, currently in a state where he only has his physical capabilities and his desires, as soon as he see Sano clings to him. He stays clinging to him this chapter and it's very cute. But also it's kinda sad, even with no responses, no memories, not even his intellect/powers to protect him, he still tries to be there for Sano, he kept his promise that he offered him when Sano admitted to being a god. Haru tries to give him his same comforting aura that he use to have.

In this dulled state he even does what Sano has been doing for him just a couple chapters ago, and tries to take a hit for Sano's wellbeing. He is practically a walking doll with an antenna that responds to sailor uniforms, yet he still chooses to sacrifice himself for the first person to know his secret in the class, someone who doesn't treat him like he needs to be babied, someone who has grown with him to be a better version of themselves.

A person who is closer to being his first, though reluctant and annoyed by the notion, friend at the school.

☆Chapter 90｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡.｡:+*ﾟ

Another moment were Sano puts himself down but now it's for his inability to properly control his powers. He talks about how he doesn't have faith in his misfortune powers not backfiring and landing on his target.

But, just like when he was lamenting for being an outcast, Haru steps in to comfort Sano again. Haru, the one who has shown that he trusts and knows the true potential of Sano, tells him simply that he believes him. Haru effortlessly gives Sano the same ease that got him out of all his previous "bad feelings spirals". He so genuinely and enthusiastically cheers and reminds Sano that he know he can do it.

☆Chapter 92｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡.｡:+*ﾟ

And now its Haru's turn to have a lowest point. Faced with patching up a hole in an ancient barrier, he gets overwhelmed about how he can quickly fix the problem.

And sano quickly asserts that Haru can do. He chooses to pay Haru back for continuing believing in him. He knows Haru can do it.

And this really shows how well the two know each other. When Haru was cheering on Sano, he was doing a very passionate cheer, constantly showing full support and belief in Sano.

But with Sano cheering on Haru, he knows how to motivate him and keep his mind on track. He treats him like an adult who just needs to be reminded a bit.

They both know the best ways to help the other in these moments. And really that just shows the natural evolution of this relationship that you can see naturally growing over the whole course of the manga. I may not know where they go in the future but I do know that this a bond that won't easily break!

Finally were done!!! OMG these boys and their relationship with each other!!!!

Again hoped you enjoyed it!!!

Bye~☆

[theflyindutchwoman]

How do you think the writers will take Chenford moving forward? I know exploring long-term UC for Lucy and how that will impact Chenford's relationship is a possibility, but what do you think about other things like proposal, marriage and kids? Especially kids, since that is something Tim and Lucy have talked about numerous times.

I have this thought that pregnancy storyline was always written mainly due to logistics instead of what the writers wanted in originally. This mainly stems from the fact that the few times they have pregnancy in the show were because the actresses that played Angela Lopez and Nyla Harper were pregnant themselves and thus pregnancy was written in the storyline, so it kinda makes me think Tim and Lucy having kids may not be something we will see in the series. What do you think?

Ooh speculation time… This might be an unpopular opinion, but I agree, I don't see Lucy and Tim having a baby in the near future, at least not if the writers have a say in it.

As you mentioned, these storylines have been written to accommodate the actresses' real life pregnancies (not sure for Angela's second baby). They didn't get to properly prepare in advance, hence the three unplanned pregnancies plotlines. And I think that's partially the reason why Tim and Lucy have been speaking about kids so much : the writers want to do with them what they didn't get to do with the other couples. We didn't see the conversation, the planning… None of that. They have this opportunity here. Even better, Lucy and Tim had both already their own arc about this topic : her with the fertility clinic and him with having his dream of being a father being dashed repeatedly. And it's something they've discussed together in the past, so it makes sense that they would bring it up from time to time. But I don't think that means they are planning babies just yet. Ideally, Lucy would first get settled in her career - same with Tim for that matter. Otherwise, it would simply be a repeat of Angela's struggles when she got pregnant just as she was becoming a detective. I also wonder whether they're going to reopen the fertility clinic arc or not… In the meantime, having them coach Little League or spend a day with their Make-A-Dream kid is actually a smart way to give us some insights on what kind of parents they could be, without having to introduce a child just quite yet. We may get to see them as parents one day, I'm not ruling it out completely, but it will depend on how many more seasons we get.

If I had to venture a guess, I'd say that the first order of business would be to resolve the undercover/promotion storyline for Lucy. The writers have been teasing this arc all season long, so it's time to move forward. I don't mean that Lucy necessarily has to take a final decision regarding undercover, just that she needs to get to the next stage of her career. Undercover aside, Tim already mentioned that their scheduling hours could present an issue once she makes detective, that they might spend less time together. So it would be interesting to delve a little into that, see how they make it work… which could, in turn, lead to a conversation about moving in together and/or buying a house. After all, that's the discussion that set the wheels in motion and brought Tim and Lucy together. So that could be a full-circle moment. And it could pave the way for the next step : proposal.

Now, I don't think we will see one next season : with S6 shortened, it might be tricky. I know it might also seem too soon, but these two are already serious and committed, they know what they want and they know the other very well. Besides, so far, all the main couples got engaged relatively fast : Wesley proposed to Angela after 6-9 months of dating, Nyla and James got married after a few months (though in all fairness, it was precipitated by the pregnancy) and Nolan was ready to ask Bailey after dating her for like 8 episodes?! There's clearly a pattern here. But again, with a shorter season and a wedding already planned, the writers might want to keep that for later… All in all, it will really depend on how short this season will be (we stand with WGA/SAG-AFTRA in this house) and whether they can get a renewal for s7.

[violasghost]

Random thoughts about Rookie S6 Finale (6X10)

I admit I went into this finale with low expectations due to how the rest of the season has panned out and I'm kind of happy I did. I didn't hate it but it wasn't one of the best Rookie finale's Ive seen either.

First with the Nolan/Bailey baby story line--Why are they forcing this so hard? Nolan and Bailey cant even find time to have a full conversation uninterrupted about bringing a child into their life. If they cant even find time to talk about it, are they going to have time to raise a kid? Just think this is a story line that should have been dropped. It sucks valuable time away from more interesting plots and its really unnecessary. If anyone should have been discussing having kids (pre-breakup at least) it should have been Chenford.

And speaking of Chenford. I did enjoy the Chenford action scene and Lucy saving Tim from being stabbed. It was probably the highlight of the episode as far as action, character growth, and making progress on the police side of things.

I don't really understand the whole Monica/Blair plot. I'm sorry but Blair really seems like a naive simpleton to me. Did she not think that there would not be consequences to recording LAPD patients and blackmailing them? Did she really think Monica (a crooked lawyer) was going to protect her from the LAPD and FBI? Kind of disappointed in Blair to be honest.

The multiple villains this season has also been really confusing. I don't feel like Monica can represent the 'Big Bad' like Rosalyn or even Elijah. Shes a power hungry lawyer who wants money and has probably killed a couple people, but in the context of other big bad's--she's pretty weak. I was hoping they would bring Elijah back as the one who wanted Monica dead since that story line would make more sense with the last scene of him ending with Oscar meeting him in prison, and having plenty of time to plot his revenge.

Bringing me to the cliffhanger at the end. With Bailey's ex breaking out of prison. Haven't we seen this story line before? This is unpopular opinion (and I have no ill will against Jenna Dewan), but I honestly think the best move they could make to return to the action/suspense heyday of S1-S5, would be to kill Bailey. Her character is dead weight. Lately the only time she has been showcased was to basically portray her as Nolan's perfect little wife who has no flaws, and allows him to swoop in as her prince charming every episode, etc. Her death would be really interesting story arc for Nolan, and would allow him to put more focus on his cop-life.

I do also agree with others who are saying that Nolan needs to face some consequences to his actions. Him going rogue in Argentina and disobeying direct orders from the FBI, should be reprimanded. Also he hasn't really been present in his role as TO either. How many episodes has Nolan actually rode with Celina as her TO? 50% of this season. Think he is due for an evaluation.

And then there was the Chenford elevator scene. I also think this scene was over-hyped. Although I'm happy that Tim said what he did, I was hoping to hear something from Lucy. Girl still hasn't gotten her adult conversation yet. Hoping this will still happen in S7. The reason it didn't have me squeeing was due to the body language. One episode before they were holding on for dear life to each other in that very same elevator, and this time Lucy was as far away from Tim as she could get. I know realistically it will likely take time for them to find their way back together, but it just kind of felt a little one step forward two steps back to me.

The silver lining, no major characters died. And they didn't destroy any more relationships. So there's that.

Okay so after writing all that out I realize my take on the finale may be a little critical. I'm hoping to have some more time to reflect over the summer and read other points of view. Its going to be a long wait but I suppose we survived S6, so at least next season after the long wait, instead of a half season, there will be a full season of episodes to better flesh out story lines and character motives.

What did you think?

[sage-nebula]

I've decided to make my own post because I am not an idiot, but full disclosure that this post is 50% based on thoughts I was having while I was driving home from the auto repair shop yesterday and 50% a response to a post I saw just now that conflated "redemption arcs" (things fictional characters go through in fictional stories) with "community support" (things real life people offer to other real life people in real life) and how this relates to "fixing people" (making someone who mistreats or abuses themself or others not mistreat or abuse themself or others anymore).

Read my words very carefully.

In fiction, it is more than okay to like whatever type of toxic or fantastical relationship you want. If you like to read stories about toxic, codependent people who are absolutely horrible to one another and will never, ever change, you read those stories. If you like to read stories about a tortured man who just needs The Right Person to teach him to be better, and then he is, sometimes exclusively only to them though, then you read those stories. Sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and fails spectacularly, and sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and succeeds spectacularly, and either way, you read whatever stories you want, whatever makes you happy, I'm sure it's somewhere in this vast Archive that we call Our Own.

However, in real life?

First of all, "arcs" aren't things real life people have. An arc is something that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Real life people don't have those, because our stories don't end until we die. Unlike a character, whose life presumably continues even after their story ends (except in circumstances where they die at the end but you know what I mean), we have to keep living day by day, with all the rises and falls that come with it. Now, this does not mean that a person cannot change, or that a person can't get better and learn from their mistakes; but it DOES mean that we can't have a "redemption arc" where we complete a checklist of story beats and then suddenly we're a better person who has experienced the necessary growth to be forgiven. First off, no amount of growth or change ever requires any victims to forgive. And second, that's just not how life works. That's not how change works. Change and growth are baby steps taken each day, and sometimes you go backwards, and you get angry with yourself, but then you pick yourself up and you try again the next day, and the next, and the next. It's an ongoing journey that does not end until you die. That's life.

But second and more importantly, the real idea that I think the original post was trying to get at, but missing the mark on was . . . okay.

So, the original OP of the post (and the person who replied to OP) got angry at the idea that the strawman they had invented (the person who had theoretically said "you can't fix him!") would deny support to someone who needs that help to grow and change as a person. The person who had replied in support of OP added that the strawman clearly believed in punitive justice over rehabilitative justice as well. On the surface, I can see where they are coming from. After all, on the whole humans are a social species and do need support networks in order to not only thrive, but survive. People such as drug addicts need support and assistance in order to get into better places in their lives, and the prison system has been proven to be far less effective at preventing repeated offenses than rehabilitative programs. This is all true.

However.

The reason why "you can't fix them" is still true, and needs to be said and understood particularly by those who are susceptible to falling into abusive relationships (e.g. people who have been abused before, particularly in childhood or adolescence) is because of free will. Specifically, the free will that each of us has, but specifically the other person. Person A can want so, so, so badly to "fix" Person B so that they stop being an abusive alcoholic 75% of the time. But if Person B doesn't actually want to stop being an abusive alcoholic (even if they say they do during the 25% of the time they aren't smacking Person A around), and refuses to put in the work that it takes to become sober and be a better person, then guess what? Nothing Person A does will ever make them be a sober, non-abusive partner. They will be unable to fix Person B. It doesn't matter how much time, energy, money, or commitment they pour into that person. It doesn't matter how much they genuinely, honestly, earnestly love them. Because unless Person B wants to change, and will put the work into doing so, then they will not change, and Person A, for their own health, safety, and sanity, needs to exit that relationship.

Now, does that mean that if, ten years down the line, Person B decides they are ready to put in the work to get their alcoholism under control, no one should help them? Of course not! They should absolutely be put in touch with sober counselors, support groups, medical professionals, friends and family who can help them. Person A could potentially forgive them, if Person A chooses. But that willingness to change and put in the work has to come from within Person B first.

I've been in the position where I've seen people in awful situations just tanking their lives, people I loved and cared about, people I begged to just listen to me and get help, only for them to not . . . and ultimately I had to accept that I couldn't fix them. I could be there to offer support when they were ready to fix themselves, but the core work that needed to be done had to come from within themselves. I couldn't provide that. Not because I was inadequate, not because I didn't love them, but because I couldn't force them to do anything they didn't want, or weren't ready, to do.

So at the end of the day, "you can't fix them" isn't about not giving support. It's about recognizing your limitations as a human being. It's about knowing that:

You cannot force someone to do something they do not want to do.

You cannot force someone to do something they are not ready to do.

Not being able to help or save someone is not a moral failing of yours.

Not being able to help or save someone does not mean you do not love or care about them.

Providing support should never come at risk of your own health and safety, physical or otherwise.

When you love someone, it can be really hard to accept this. You think, "I know I can make them want to try. I know I can inspire them to want to change. I know they love me, so if I just love them a little harder, they will want to change." Nine times out of ten, though, that is just not true. And if someone is abusing you, it is not worth the literal risk to your life to keep trying. You are worth more than that. You are more than just someone else's band-aid.

Keep yourselves safe in 2024.

[whispangleblogger]

With how much Tangle and Whisper meas to you.. are there any specific moments in the comics that made you love them? What initiated that spark? :3

That is actually a really complex question for me...

I would say it's the full package ?

Lemme go a little bit into detail here, i try to split this into two parts:

Part 1 - How they affected my personal life in a positive way

When i first started to read the IDW Comics the relationship of Tangle and Whisper did stick out to me immediately.

I always enjoyed Sonic the Hedgehog as a medium, played the Games whenever they did tickle my interest, grabbed me some merch when i thought it looked nice, i literally grew up with the blue blur. I always looked at it as funny cartoon animals do funny things to annoy big bad Dr. Eggman, because that's what it was for me since childhood.

So when i jumped into IDW it is probably an understatement that i was surprised by it's depth and how all these characters were shown in a different light, a more serious tone, in relatable situations, they have their flaws, their strength, their fears, they suddenly had a wide set of emotions brought into play i honestly wasn't sure for a while if i was reading official Sonic the Hedgehog Comics by SEGA or a really good fanproject.

Anyway, it didn't take me too long until i catched up with Tangle and Whisper.

Back then (early 2021) i was in a really weak position and went through a hard time in life (Still trying to recover from it as you know) and let's just say the Tangle and Whisper Mini helped me to look up and enjoy life again.

Whisper's backstory, losing her team, trying to find a footing in life, opening up to people again, dealing with her own trauma somehow just spoke to me on many levels.

And mixed up with Tangle being the sunshine she is, the bound they formed during the events of the comics, it somehow gave me strength to not give up on myself.

I know this might sound weird to some people that literally cartoon animals helped me to regain my spirit again.

Ngl it did surprise me too, never in my life would i have thought that actual Sonic characters/comics would get me out of that dark swamp i was trapped in.

But life is never 100% predictable. In the end i just embraced it for what it is even if it did strike me a little weird.

So much about my personal experience.

Part 2 - Actual organic LGBT representation that feels natural in it's buildup.

So that is a thing that did really stick out to me a lot while reading the comics.

Tangle and Whisper's bound did evolve very organic throughout the course of the whole comic series, it added depth with the mini series, showed growth through the annual story and their overall interactions with each other while fighting side by side during the metal virus arc.

From being distant to slowly starting to embrace each other more and more, Whisper's breakdown when she found out she lost Tangle to the Virus, tackle hugging her out of relieve that she got her back, ending in a flirty scene even + many more small details, little interactions and be it just Tangle wrapping her tail around Whisper for comfort.

There is a lot of unspoken body language between these two as well that adds a lot to their narrative in my eyes.

Heck even their whole Cover Art Selection for their Mini Series is truly something else.

These two girls gave me such a massive gay/lesbian vibe and they were also so close to each other on the page, that i was actually surprised (Heh, again) when i found out that they weren't pitched that way in the first place.

Like, excuse me but huh !?

Supporting, healing, growing, feelings, baby steps, it's all there.

I was really happy to see a wlw relationship blossom in such a normal way that it felt like fresh air to me. (Back then it wasn't even confirmed yet) Tbh i didn't delve too much into details at that point i just enjoyed the story surrounding them.

A typical case of good written slowburn. And man i love slowburn romance haha

Usually i was used to a lot of subtext till the end (Korrasami for example, it is a good story but was extremely restricted)

Anyway i don't want to make this any longer than it already is, BUT I THINK we could say that all of the above initiated that "spark" for me.

And tbh i am not even sure if my words here give it enough justice at all. Honestly i was never a big shipper for anything in my life prior to these two.

I bet i could squeeze more outta my head but that's honestly already a lot of digging here on my part.

[herrmannhalsteadproduction]

Wingman? Wingwoman? Wingperson. (Chapter Three)

Summary: This is Part Seventeen of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)

Rating: Teen and Up

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, pre-Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples

Warnings: Referenced Domestic Violence and Threatening Behaviour (these are warning tags for a brief scenes with Ty), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Rejection, Self-Sabotage, Swearing, but also on the flip side - Connor and Will being too freaking cute to handle.

A/N: To underscore my previous note, this is an alternate universe so things have unfolded differently. This will not follow the canon arc exactly by any means. But I hope you'll still enjoy it!

Chapter One Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Will

Bex and Emery had pushed him out the door that morning with a travel mug of coffee and an earful of encouragement.

That had bolstered him right up until he was about to step foot inside of Med and now, here he was. Frozen in place.

He could do this.

He was thirty-one years old for chrissake. He could ask someone out on a date.

He could look that someone in his handsome friggin’ face and say—

“Will!”

“No, I’m Will,” he blurted out to an amused looking Connor who had popped up out of nowhere.

Great start. Absolutely fantastic.

“Yes, you are,” Connor said sounding, oh god, stupidly fond. Will tried to fight the blush working its way up his cheeks, but it was a useless battle.

“You coming in?” Connor asked, nodding at the front door. “Or hanging out here for the day?”

“No, yeah, I’m uh, I’m coming in,” Will said, floundering for his words. Any string of comprehensible words. “I just need to call Bex first? About this thing that I forgot—we forgot about it, the two of us, and I need to tell her—but I’ll be right there. You go ahead.”

“Okay,” Connor said slowly, like he was trying to decide how concerned to be. “Say hi to Bex. I’ll see you in there.”

“Mm-hm, yup, bye,” Will said, waving him off. As soon as Connor was out of sight, he clenched his fists and banged them against his forehead. “Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Deep breath.

One more.

Okay.

Will dug out his phone and called Bex, willing her to pick up which she did instantly.

“Hey! That was fast! How did—”

“I already messed it up!” Will exclaimed, cutting her off and quickly relaying the last few minutes to her blow-by-blow.

“You didn’t mess it up,” Bex said immediately.

“No, it sounds like it was cute,” Emery added in, her voice slightly tinny. Bex must have him on speaker phone. Good. This could be a group effort.

“I’m freaking out a little bit here,” he confessed. “I was all confident and then I saw him and got weird and I think I need another pep talk. Or a plan of attack. I need to figure out how to pick my moment.”

“Try and get him alone,” Bex said. “I think you’ll be less nervous if it’s just the two of you.”

“Hasn’t worked out so far,” Will muttered.

“You need a confidence boost again,” Emery said, voice louder like she was leaning in. “You need a green light to give your green light.”

“I don’t—”

“Do something hot,” Emery continued like that explained things. “And then when you see that he’s into it…you pounce. Ask him out.”

Will was silent for a full five seconds while he absorbed that advice. And another five when he realized he was considering it. “What hot thing could I possibly do while I’m at work?” he asked in a strangled voice.

“I’m gonna let Emery take the lead here because this is way too awkward a conversation to have with my brother,” Bex said.

A shuffling noise while he guessed Emery was taking possession of the phone.

“This is going to be easy, Will,” she assured him. “Do any of the following…push up your sleeves to show off your forearms—”

“My fore—”

“Don’t interrupt,” she said. “This is science, Will. Sleeves. Forearms. Trust me. Also, run a hand through your hair and let it go a bit messy. You’ve got great hair. It’s like your own personal wingman.”

Why did he feel like he was supposed to be writing this down?

“Lips,” Emery declared. “Bite or lick your bottom lip. Keep it brief. Extended is creepy.”

“Okay, no. Thank you for the help, but I think I’ll just figure this out as I go,” Will said and there was another shuffle before Bex came back on the phone.

“Just breathe, Will. Do what feels right in the moment,” she said. “You and Connor already have something great. This is just you taking a step to make it even better.”

He took a deep breath and let her words sink in.

Okay.

He could do this.

“Thanks, Bex,” he said softly.

“Go team,” she sing-songed back.

“Go forearms!” Emery yelled in the background.

“I’m going now,” he laughed. “Good-bye. Love you.”

“Love you too,” Bex said before disconnecting the call.

“Go, team,” he whispered himself before squaring his shoulders and heading into the hospital.

***

Bex

“I’m so nervous for him,” Bex groaned to Emery as she set her phone back down on the kitchen table. “I just want to go there and give him a hug.”

“No,” Emery said, pointing a finger at her from her perch on the counter. “That is a delay tactic to avoid going to see Mouse. I see you, missy.”

Bex rolled her eyes and picked up her phone again. “I’ll send him a few more messages,” she said. “Boost that confidence a little more.”

“Good idea.” Emery picked up her own phone. “Arm flex emoji. Lips emoji. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant—”

“Emery! Stop!” Bex laughed. “You’ll freak him out.”

“Nah,” she said, finishing off the rest of what was probably a ridiculous string of symbols. “It’ll make him laugh just like you and then you’ll both be a bit more relaxed.”

Bex hoped so, for Will’s sake. And that he read his messages where no one else could see…

“Now,” Emery hopped off the counter and plopped into the chair on the other side of the table. “What’s your plan?”

“I haven’t been able to nail him down for a get together lately,” Bex said, propping her elbow on the table and resting her chin in her hand. “So, I thought I’d try and catch him outside the station? There’s a little garden park a couple of blocks over that we could walk to.”

“I like that,” Emery agreed. “Good thinking. And then, all you have to do is bite your lip—”

“Stop,” Bex cackled, throwing a grape from her plate at her. Emery caught it and popped it in her mouth with a grin. “What are your plans for the day?”

She was well aware that Emery hadn’t left the apartment since she got there except for when they went to retrieve her stuff. Bex was letting her set the pace, not wanting to push her, but she didn’t want her feeling trapped either.

“I hadn’t really thought about it yet…” Emery trailed off.

“My afternoon is free,” Bex said. She could push the work she was planning to do on her graphic novel to tomorrow. “Do you need anything? We could go run errands together. Maybe grab lunch?”

Emery hesitated for a moment before nodding with a small smile. “That would be really nice. It’s been—I haven’t really wanted to go anywhere by myself yet.”

“And you don’t have to yet if you don’t feel ready.” Bex reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “Whatever you feel most comfortable with is what we’ll do.”

“I don’t want to feel like I’m hiding here,” Emery said with a quiet sigh. “The whole point of—of getting out of there was to be free of him so I don’t want the worry that he’s out there to keep me from doing anything.” She squeezed Bex’s hand back. “But I think starting small is a good idea? I like the idea of going out for errands. Especially with a buddy.”

“I can bring you back here before I go to the station,” Bex offered. “Or maybe drop you off at Kira and Malia’s if they’ll be home? If you’d like to see them?”

“Yeah. That sounds great,” Emery grabbed her phone, getting into the plan. “I’ll check.”

“I’ll get changed.” Bex left her to it and headed to her room to get changed out of her pajamas. She wanted something cute, but not too cute? She didn’t want to start out declaring her intentions with her outfit. Did that even make sense? “Normal,” she muttered to herself. “Just aim for normal.”

Jean shorts, red boho top, and slip on yellow Converse.

There. Just a normal outfit to wear when going to pour one’s heart out and pray for reciprocation.

Perfect.

She put her hair up, added a bit of make-up, and left before she could overthink it.

Emery was sitting on the couch texting, having been dressed and ready since before Will left. “Isaac says they’re all available tonight and want to have a get together at Kira and Malia’s,” she said as soon as Bex entered the room. “As long as you’re not too busy…” Emery looked up from her phone and waggled her eyebrows.

“Let’s not jinx anything,” Bex warned her. “And that sounds awesome. I’d love to see everyone.”

“Great, I’ll let him know.” Emery dashed off another text before grabbing her bag and rising from the couch. She gave Bex a slow onceover once she was in front of her and held out a thumb’s up. “You look great. Casual, but still hot.”

“Step one of the plan.” Bex grinned at her. “Come on, let’s go.” She twirled her keys on her finger as they headed down to the parking lot. There was something about today. Something crackling in the energy.

She was going to take it as a good sign.

***

Ty

He watched Bex pull out of the parking lot in her piece of shit car with Emery sitting in the passenger seat.

He could admit that he’d lost his mind a bit when Emery left. All he’d been able to think about was tracking her down and bringing her back home.

But he went in too hot and that stupid bitch and her fucking cop brother slapped him with a restraining order.

And that was fine.

Looking down at his phone, Ty watched the little dot moving along the map as the tracker he’d stuck under the bumper of her car did its job. It was amazing what you could buy on the internet these days.

Now that the shock had worn off, he could be calm.

He could be patient.

He could plan.

Because he knew where Emery belonged.

And soon enough she would too.

***

Shay

“Oh, my god,” Shay jumped in her seat as she looked down at her phone. “Oh, my god.”

“What?” Brett looked over at her in concern. “Is everything okay?”

“Where’s Herrmann?” She looked around the break room, not spotting him anywhere.

“He’s out at the Squad table talking to Severide and Casey about something,” Otis said around a mouthful of apple. “What’s up?”

She waved her phone at him. “It’s happening. It’s happening!!!”

“What’s happening?” Dawson plopped down beside her.

“Bouse.” Shay let the enormity of that hang in the air.

“Ugh,” Dawson groaned. “I still think we can come up with a better nickna—wait.” She sat up ramrod straight. “What you mean it’s happening?”

“Bex’s friend Emery told Isaac who just texted me that Bex plans to talk to Mouse today and ask him out. On a date.” “Oh, my god,” Dawson whispered.

Otis immediately crammed himself into their little huddle and Mouch ambled over from the couch. “Who had today?” Otis asked. “What are the circumstances? She’s definitely asking him? I put money on that.”

“She and Will made a pact?” Shay said, scrolling through her messages. “I guess he’s going to ask out Connor today too?”

“Um?” Brett raised a hand in question. “I thought Will and Connor were already dating?”

“Yeah, there’s a whole thing there,” Dawson said, shaking her head. “So, we didn’t include them in the bet. This is strictly a Bex and Mouse show.”

“And now it’s happening. Finally. I’ve never been so invested in a heterosexual relationship before,” Shay said, staring off into the distance. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“Text Trudy,” Dawnson urged her, “We need to know where the pot stands and compare notes with Isaac and Devon.”

“On it.” She started typing rapidly, shooting off a message to the group chat while she was at it, warning everyone to keep this close to the vest. The last thing they needed was someone spilling the beans before Bex had a chance to make her move.

Man. They were going to have to have another party to celebrate those two finally sorting themselves out.

***

Will

He’d gone most of the day without finding the opportunity to talk to Connor. It was like the ED was conspiring to keep the both as busy as possible.

Finally, mid-afternoon, he managed to sneak away when he saw Connor headed into the break room. He slipped inside and helped himself to a bottle of water while Connor stood at the counter, fixing a cup of coffee.

“Hey,” Connor smiled at him. “Crazy day, eh?”

“Always is,” Will sighed, aiming for a casual stretch as he carefully side-eyed him.

Okay, do it.

Do it now.

Would you like to go out on a date with me? That’s all he had to say.

Connor glanced over at him, raising an eyebrow and Will found himself reaching for his wrist to push up a sleeve that didn’t exist because it was summer, Emery.

“You okay?” Connor asked.

“Yeah.” Will rubbed at his arm and headed over to his cubby because fuck it. Apparently, he was going all in and doing this. “Air conditioning’s getting to me a bit.”

He pulled out his white lab coat and put it on.

“Won’t you get overheated in that?” Connor gave him a look when he came to lean against the counter beside him.

Will shrugged. “I can always do this,” he said, grabbing one sleeve and folding it back a couple of times before slowly—because if he was doing this ridiculousness, he was doing it—pushing it up over his elbow.

Connor took a sip of his coffee and tracked the movement with his eyes.

Hunh.

So far, so good.

Will shot him a grin and went to do the other arm and—

Ow. Okay, Sleeve up over the elbow was a bad idea. Too tight. Now it was bunchy and cutting off circulation. “Hang on,” he grumbled, trying to get the right angle to pull the damn thing down, but it was stuck and christ, this was a disaster—

"Jesus."

“Hang on, let me help,” Connor said, chuckling softly as he set his coffee down. He stepped into Will’s space and gently tugged the bunched up fabric over his elbow and down his arm.

Connor kept his touch light, looking up when he was done. “All fixed.”

...he hadn’t let go of Will’s arm yet.

Will bit his lip lightly.

For science.

Connor’s eyes darted down, watching, darkening slightly and—

Oh.

Oh.

“Go out with me,” Will said, words rushing out in one go.

“What?” Connor blinked in surprise, taking a small step back.

“Would you, Connor,” Will said slowly, savouring the words this time. “Like to go out on a date with me?”

“I would love that.” A wide grin spread across Connor’s face. “How about tonight?”

Holy shit. “Tonight sounds perfect.”

Connor moved closer. “I could pick you up in my fancy car.”

“Ah, no,” Will laughed, poking at him. “The asker gets to do the picking up.”

Connor shrugged, unfazed. “Fine by me,” he said. “I’ll pick you up for our second date.”

Will’s eyebrows flew up. “Second date? Feeling pretty confident there, are we?”

“Let’s just say,” Connor leaned in close. “I’ve thought a lot about getting you in my car.”

A whole series of not safe for work images flashed through Will’s mind. He could see exactly how it would play out and it was fast. Too fast. Flame out too soon fast. “Oh, ah, haha…”

“Too much?” Connor took a careful step back, picking up on the change in the room.

“No?” Will said, voice pitched about an octave higher than normal. “Maybe?”

Emery’s voice piped up in his brain. Honesty. Horrible, horrible honesty.

He straightened up and reached out to stop Connor from retreating completely. “It sounded a little too good,” he confessed, taking a deep breath. “I had my fill of fast and fun in New York. I never really had anything that lasted and you know all about the reasons behind that.”

Connor nodded, leaning against the counter as he listened.

“I want to take things slow here with you,” he said. “Because this is important to me. You’re important to me. I want…whatever it is we’re starting to last.”

“Me too,” Connor said, reaching out to give his hand a squeeze.

“Good,” Will said before shaking his head. “Still going to be thinking about you and that damn car for the rest of the day though so thanks for that.”

Connor instantly relaxed the rest of the way, releasing Will’s hand and shooting him shit-eating grin. “Good.” He headed for the door, calling over his shoulder. “Pick me up at seven.”

“I’ll be there,” Will called after him.

He took a quick look around and made sure no one was looking his way before doing a quick little fist pump dance. “Yes, yes, yes!” He shucked his coat and scrambled for his phone.

He had to call Bex.

Click here to read Chapter Four.

Click here to read Wingman? Wingwoman? Wingperson. on ao3:

And here is the tag list (let me know if you wish to be added or removed):

@sorry-i-spaced, @iunnowatuwant, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @ivyalmighty, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3, @multifandomgrl08, @foxes-and-cats, @sensitivemallysix, @thebewingedjewelcat

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 Cleat Cute Book Review 🦇

❝ Calling Phoebe loud and obnoxious and gay ignores all her layers and contradictions. That's Grace's issue with fame—people take you at face value. Nobody bothers to look for the person beneath the brand. ❞

❓ #QOTD What's your favorite sport (to watch or play)? ❓ 🦇 Phoebe Matthews is ready to take her first season as a professional soccer player by storm. She even gets to play alongside her idol, Grace Henderson; the veteran star of the US Women's National Team. Since they met, there's been a spark of chemistry between them, and Phoebe can't help but flirt with and seduce the woman she's had a poster of since childhood. Though they're on the same page on the pitch, a little miscommunication outside of the game leaves them both mentally spiraling. Are they brave enough to make a move both on and off the field?

[ Find my full review below or on: Insta | Goodreads | Storygraph ]

💜 The few factors that drove me to finish reading this book were the focus on fame, personal identity, and neurodiversity; NOT the relationship between Grace and Phoebe. The story touches on Grace's preference not to reveal too much about who she is outside of soccer, in an effort to protect her privacy, until soccer becomes her entire identity; both to the outside world, and herself. From the beginning, it's also obvious that both MCs are neurodivergent. Phoebe is diagnosed with ADHD by the epilogue, and though Grace isn't diagnosed with autism, it's mentioned as a possibility. Though their neurodiversity is obvious from the first two chapters, the topic isn't discussed in any way that MATTERS to the story. There's so much going on under the surface of these characters that would have made the story BEAUTIFULLY important if they were the focus, rather than a subtle plot point that's slipped into the end of the book.

🦇 I almost DNF this book many, many times; it takes a one-star read for me to give up on a book, rather than give it the benefit of the doubt. Though I did finish it, I dragged my feet every step of the way. The most obvious issue with this novel is the POV. A third-person objective point of view is cold and distant. It leaves readers disconnected from the characters and the story. Though it's not confirmed by the end of the story, it's possible Grace has autism, in which case, this POV makes sense for her. For Phoebe, however—passionate, energetic, a thousand thoughts a second Phoebe—we're cut off from what she's really feeling. Beyond that, this POV is choppy, ESPECIALLY for a story that primarily involves women. Unfortunately, the objective POV means the entire story is TELL; we're not shown through actions or imagery or any form of creative writing. The tension between them doesn't last long enough to keep readers enthralled, either; once the smut is introduced, that's apparently all that matters.

⚽ Every other sentence starts with a name to avoid referring to too many "she's" within a single thought. The writing also lacks descriptive language, even though the story is set in vibrant New Orleans. For all the scenes focused on food, we never smell, taste, or experience a moment with the characters. Even during gameplay, there's no sweat, heat, or the sound of screaming fans in our ears. The readers are kept at arm's length at all times. Perhaps worse: the smut reads like fanfiction—a first-time writer's fanfiction. Instead of steamy, the word choice makes it awkward and offputting. "Baby girl?" Really?

🦇 Recommended for fans of workplace romances, Ted Lasso, or A League of Their Own. You're going to get serious "Ted Lasso but make it sapphic" vibes from this, I promise; Phoebe and Grace are very much Jamie and Roy. If you're in your sporty romance era, give this a try!

✨ The Vibes ✨ ⚽ WLW Romance ⚽ Neurodiversity / ADHD and Autism Rep ⚽ Sports Romance ⚽ Secret Dating ⚽ Workplace Romance ⚽ Miscommunication ⚽ Grumpy vs Sunshine

🦇 Major thanks to the author and publisher for providing an ARC of this book via Netgalley. 🥰 This does not affect my opinion regarding the book. #CleatCute #NetGalley #MerylWilsner

[patron-saints]

for the character meme: riza!

this one is gonna be a lot i can already tell

First impression

extremely professional, extremely loyal, didn't notice her much beyond one of my best friend's saying she was their fave so i was keeping an eye on her for them, but she didn't really click for me until she tripped mustang in the rain and then i was like OH. OH OKAY. so it's THAT kind of vibe

Impression now

dude. DUDE. where do i even start? my impression of her now is that she's one of the most complicated characters on fullmetal alchemist brotherhood and maybe one of the most complicated characters i've had the pleasure of writing. she is so full of dedication and loyalty and love and also constantly denying and depriving herself from things that could make her happy but also she is capable of having normal friendships apparently and she makes some of the most mature and calculated choices of anyone and also some of the most reckless and like. i'm always just like !!! ARE YOU GOOD?? (she's not) i love her so much and i want to take care of her and i also wanna shake her

also, she took a long time to becomes one of my faves! i was distracted by other faves and also because she was alex’s baby i didn’t want to step on toes but she’s like, cemented in there forever now. so it goes.

Favorite moment

the trip i was talking about before is deffo Key for me, but her figuring out the truth about pride is high up there, as is basically the whole promised day arc and when her and roy are doing the most queerplatonic shit in the whole world

Idea for a story

already published one (which i know you've read, because it wouldn't exist without you) and working on another, which you also know too much about

but for the sake of this question if i had to come up with a third i think doing something about her and rebecca at academy could be really fun and cute, or maybe just a one shot about every complicated feeling she has about her tattoos

Unpopular opinion

i think it's probably not a very popular headcanon that she's on the aromantic spectrum! this kinda comes from our qp royai conversations, but i also felt it manifesting a lot in her while i was writing rizalust. i think regardless of whether she wants to be in relationships, her understanding of what romance is and what it should be are deeply wrapped up in trauma and also deeply complicated

Favorite relationship

currently rizalust but in canon royai!

Favorite headcanon

other than aro riza which is very special to me, probably gnc for gnc royai where they are both waiting for the other one to come out as trans but it just. doesn't happen (an idea i stole directly from my partner but one i love)

[kakusu-shipping]

Fairy Tail Ships

Some Rando came at me on my main for a ship I hadn’t even said a single word about on a post about a character not involved in said ship so now I’m just gonna write down all my Fairy Tail ships unprompted out of pure spite

Multi and Probably Problematic shipping a-hoy under the read more be wary!

Okay so as every other of this kind of post will plainly spell out I always have One Guy who is just the Ship bicycle. This character could kiss literally anyone and I would be more than happy. Typically they in fact do.

For Fairy Tail, it’s Gajeel Redfox

You would not believe your eyes if my first fucking Gajeel ship was Gajeel/Gajeel. I love Edolas Gajeel and up until that point Earthland Gajeel interacts with pretty much no one positively. I fully believe he hard made out with himself. First kiss. First time? The full shebang. Canon as far as I think.

Following that IMMEDIATELY is Gajeel/Lily. My god. My God let’s just give Gajeel a beefy cat man to homoerotically throw around. “That’s My Cat” I love him he’s so fucking stupid he makes out with Lily on the regular.

Gajeel/Levy is probably the best developed canon ship in Fairy Tail and that’s really not saying much but I think they’re cute. The only caviot is Levi pegs him. I’m sorry, Gajeel cannot be a top.

I think Gajeel/Natsu is funny as hell they’re so violent. Gajeel thinks Natsu’s the dumbest man he’s ever met. They don’t kiss they bite.

Gajeel/Laxus is just as funny but just because they both think they’re the smart one in the relationship.

After that all I might loose a bit of steam but Romance in this show is rarely interesting but here’s some of my takes anyway;

Laxus/Freed is always a free sail Freed pining from the beginning Laxus having no idea what his own feelings are until some time mid season 7. Laxus taking everything casually and Freed over thinking every little piece of affection he gets. They’re an uncommunicative mess and I love them.

I like Juvia/Grey not because I think it’s a well balanced and fleshed out canon romance, but because I love Juvia and want her to be happy and think Annoyingly Horny Stalker and Too Tired For This Shit is the funniest trope. Also Transfem Lesbian Grey, Demiromantic Bi/Pan Juvia

Speaking of Stalker/Obsession ships, Lucy/Flare??? My god I had not-antagonist Flare for 3 episodes and I will never let her go. Red headed Lesbian raised by a Village of Giant Men. Get yourself a blondie GF you deserve it.

Another Stalker/Obsession because I’m just gonna keep on goin; Erza/Sho???? Hello??? That was one baby me was entranced by. Love when the stalker is also the bottom. I love Sho I think he’s so cute, I think his obsession with Erza is so cute, I think his Sister Complex is so cute.

More Erza tops a little sibling!! Erza/Kagura!! What is it about Erza that gives everyone who meets her an Incest Kink?? I love her. I love Kagura she’s SO pathetic after her angst over Jallal is swept under the rug for no reason (no I’m not salty about that)

SPEAKING of Kagura; Kagura/Millianna is very cute I am on board. The Lesbian Kagura content for those without the taste for Sister Complex.

Elfman/Evergreen is so funny to me because this is a Bisexual man with a huge preference for Men who really REALLY wanted to fall in love with a Man and be Married Manly Men who grow into Old Men together but no. He just HAD to catch feelings for The Prettiest Girl in his guild. He’s so mad about it. Whole ass that “But I am in love with a MAN. RIGHT NOW.” meme but gender swapped.

Gildarts/Cana is so freaken good that YuGiOh Episode with Scorpio during the Eclipse Spirit Arc where he says he wants her to call him Daddy and she says she Would if he’s Been Around More you two I am going to scream don’t talk like that we’re trying to d-d-d-d-dddddDUEL

Also Eclipse Scorpio’s crush on Cana is cute as hell I love him he just wanted to play YuGiOh with a Hot Girl and she deserves a little boyfriend like him I’m all for them

Seven steps back tho the BEST Lucy ship, hands down, is Lucy/Taurus and I am SO INCREDIBLY SAD I’m alone on this! T4T Lucy/Taurus is my EVERYTHING!! Give him a SMOOOOOOOOOCH!!

Panther Lily/Samuel is so good to me another little freak with an unwarranted Incest Kink I love Samuel so much he’s so weird I want him to come back so badly please bring the little weirdo back so he can call Lily Big Brother some more for no god damn reason

Panther Lily and Edolas Coco is Very Cute and if it wasn’t for Gajeel being so unabashedly into Panther Lily that whole arc I would have appreciated it more.

Speaking of Exceed X People ships, Sting/Lector are like!!! Super good!!! Exceptionally solid I love them both so much!!

Rouge and Frosch as well but I feel like they’re super out of balance. Rouge is infantalizing Frosch and/or Frosch is not an adult in the world of Exceeds

Five steps back again because none of my thoughts are ever organized Second Best Lucy Ship is Lucy/Loke I just love a lot of Lucy/Celestial Spirit ships but this one This One is so cute I love how extra romantic he gets after going back to being Leo one of few ships I could actually see tying the knot and getting married.

Fuck it I’m just gonna keep talking about Lucy’s celestial spirits; I think Aquarius was Lucy’s first love and also her second mommy I don’t think they ever dated but to Lucy the love she felt for Aquarius was both Familial and Romantic when she was little. She claims Aquarius as her first kiss, despite it being a motherly peck when she was like 6.

Lucy/Virgo is super funny and I am positive it has Doujins out there made by men for men that I Do Not Want To See. I am putting the Asexual label on Virgo and shipping it from there.

Aquarius/Layla Lesbian Lovers in the Historical way. Layla had her Good Friend Aquarius come stay with her while her husband was away on business. They were Very Good Friends.

More spirit stuff Grey/Eclipse Cancer is so fucking funny Cancer literally opened Grey’s heart, they Yuri On Iced around with a Rainbow Gradient following them. Grey is repressing this so hard.

SPEAKING of Grey repressing he is Gay; Grey/Sugarboy??? Am I obsessed with the Catholic Arc of Fairy Tail? Yes. Yes I am. But Edolas Sugar Boy as well. Grey has such a Thing for your average stereotypical Gay Man and he is doing everything in his power to ignore it. I think he wants to be one of them.

Ultear/Meredy is SO FREAKEN CUTE. Mother/Daughter *chefs kiss*. They would both die for the other to live and they attempt it multiple times. Am I made Ultear eventually succeeded? Yes. Extremely. Get back here dammit you’ve already asked and the answer was No.

Lucy/Michelle more Stalker/Obsession more Sister Complex with a little dash of objectophilia post Catholic Arc. I love how the Fairy Tail anime just dropped Every inanimate object has thought, emotion, will, goals, and feelings but is unable to act upon them or even knows they have such feelings without forbidden magics and just Expected me to be Okay with that. I am not. I never will be. Michelle wants to fight Aquarius for taking Lucy’s first kiss right in front of her.

Wendy/Sherria are exceptionally cute. I don’t have much to say I just think they’re cute and wholesome and should be girlfriends.

But ALSO I think Mest/Doranbolt’s crush on Wendy is very cute I bet he beats himself up over liking a little girl. He’s her first kiss, she initiated it.

ALSO ALSO Doranbolt/Lahar is canon and I’m SO MAD THEY KILLED LAHAR LIKE FOREVER MAD. My Buddy Cop to Lovers...

Macao and Wakaba are a “Didn’t realize I was Gay and In love with my best friend until AFTER I was married to a woman” pair and I love them. They keep their relationship a secret. Make out in the guild’s storage room. Mira’s caught them once or twice and promises to keep their secret, so long as she never catches them with their pants down that close to the cheese again.

Levi/Lucy are a cute Best Friends to Girlfriends kind of ship. No one would notice if they started dating because they’d act the exact same as before 

But also Cana/Lucy?? Same energy in that no one would really know they’re dating until Cana gets stupid clingy/protective when other people hit on Lucy.

Mavis/Zera is under appreciated I know Zera isn’t real and is just a projection of Mavis’ loneliness and isolation but also she’s Mavis’ gay thoughts a WLW side. Her self love and care in personhood. They kiss.

Canon evil lesbian queens Kyoka/Seilah is a lot more than I expected out of this program and I am so here for it!! Go girls go!!!

Dimaria/Brandish as well, evil lesbians having a bad spat and taking it out on the entirety of Fairy Tail is very funny to me. They are toxic and horrid and I hope Brandish gets away from her.

Kamika/Cosmos, while not evil, are just as canon lesbians and I love that for them. Also Lolicon Cosmos.

There at the start of the War Arc when Toby and Millianna were walking into war together and he’s looking at her with a flush on his face little guy got puppy love and I!!!! Am all about it!!! She’s a lesbian for sure but she’ll make an exception for him. I don’t think he knows what a gender is anyway

I think that fact that Ichiya and Nichiya most certainly Fuck is not discussed enough in this fandom this man fucks his own Fursona I need more people to speak of this.

Okay now my take on the Big Ships and Canon Shit because I actually didn’t talk about them above I focused on what I’d actually like to see.

Natsu/Lucy is. Fine. I saw someone say a headcanon that Natsu thought they were dating the whole time and I love that. ADHD Natsu who decided he liked Lucy and was going to ask her out but Forgot and then Forgot he Forgot and proceeded to think they were an official couple for 9 more season.

Natsu/Lisanna is also pretty okay. I love baby love, I love them as kids playing house playing marriage awkward dancing and kisses on the cheek and holding hands. They were eachother’s first love and that means so much to me there’s very little that could ever make you forget your first love. (Side note I think at this age Elfman had a crush on Natsu but didn’t say anything sense Lisanna also liked him)

Erza/Jellal bothers me. Maybe I just don’t like Jellal as a character enough yet but not only is he Not In The Guild like every other main series ship, he also is on some pretty thin ice on being an Antagonist or not. But, like above, he was Erza’s First Love and that really is kind of a Big Deal, being actually In Love for the first time. I think they could heal, and I’d love to see that actually play out. If anyone has any fics where this is a Real Issue that they talk about and face I would actually love to read them.

Mavis/Zeref is also pretty. Okay. I don’t like it, I think it’s pretty forced, I think the fact that they had a child when Mavis died after their first kiss is a fucked concept everyone’s avoiding despite it being the most interesting part of the ship. He’s her pathetic little meow meow, she’s his last shred of sanity decaying in his arms as he desperately plants kisses over her small prepubescent body. It’s VERY Dead Dove and everyone is avoiding it.

Happy/Carla... is this one people actually ship or just something in the background? Honestly Happy feels so much Younger than Carla most of the time despite them probably being the same age. He just acts like a little fool. I don’t like it. I think Carla deserves better. And is also a Lesbian.

Now for the end of my list a collection of characters I don’t have ships for but would Really Like To because I Love Them as characters and just want them to smooch somebody (would also love X reader fics with them)

Bickslow

Warren Rocko

Reedus Jonah

Tono Rabbits

Goldmine

Boze

Jura Neekis

Yuka Suzuki

Erigor

Lapointe

Dan Straight (The fucking guy of all time)

Toma Fiore

Jacob Lessio

Nadi

Yajima

Capricorn

Horologium

Deneb

[aloneinthehellfire]

I’ve just finished binging Raining Hellfire and I wanted to commend you on a job really well done! It must be tricky to write such a long story while trying to mesh canon with original characters and plot lines but it was all seamless and natural. You also did a great job with the reader character. Sometimes in fics it either seems like the reader/OC is stepping on the canon characters’ toes and taking important moments from them or, conversely, that the reader/OC is given too little influence or agency in the story which makes them read more like a prop than a real character - which can be totally fine for shorter fics and there’s nothing wrong with that if it’s a stylistic choice for people. But I was really impressed with Raining Hellfire’s mc because I’ve become invested in her personal story rather than just being invested in her relationships with other characters. She feels believable: realistically flawed yet lovable with great qualities too. Her place in the story doesn’t feel like it’s been forced in and it’s been really interesting to read.

P.S. Ahah! British confirmed 🇬🇧. I guessed you were either British or Aussie when I saw words like colour spelt with a u, and when Eddie said he and the principal were “best mates” in Chapter 2 of Season 1 of Raining Hellfire.

i always love and appreciate when people say they like my story, but there's a special place in my heart for when they give reasons why >>>

this fic is quite literally my baby. it's my first time ever writing a fanfic and i'm just so eternally grateful for that support <3

i have struggled with certain storylines in the past (such as RH3 where i was trying to connect reader with ending up in the russian base?) but overall, it just depends on planning. her story arc had been the very first thing i decided on when creating RH and subsequently leading me to have those flashbacks and eventually come full circle in explanation of her past

as for relationships, i just think it's nice to have them rather than focus on them too much. like yes, she has romantic involvement but it doesn't define her and i'm so happy someone has seen and recognised that <3

and honestly, I just assumed everyone knew i was british lmao i haven't tried to hide it, i just prefer to write 'mom' instead of 'mum' hkjahdask

[thewriting-corner]

Book Review - Ishleen Singh

First of all, thank you SO much to Ishleen for sending me an ARC of this book❤️❤️I loved getting to discover this world. My review will be divided in two sections: spoiler free and spoiler full. Read at your own risk

“PAGES WILL BURN. HABITS WILL DIE. ETERNITY WILL FALL. WE WILL RISE.”

Spoiler free review:

Main characters: 2.5/5 stars

Side characters: 3.5/5

World building: 3.5/5

Romance: 3/5

Pacing: 2/5 (too slow for me)

Plot: 4/5 but I think it could have been executed a little better at times

Overall rating: 3.5/5

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

I have many, many thoughts

Firstly, I wasn’t a huge fan of Leanna’s motivation. At six years old she gives up on the Book of Eternity… because she got a baby brother instead of a sister? And this event impacted her enough ten years later for her to rebel against her parents, teachers and peers? I wasn’t sold on that. I feel like with the Book of Eternity being such a massive tool for lack of control, her motivation could have gone so much deeper than that. It felt right for a child, but for this to be such a huge impact in her life still at 16 felt a little … vague? to me.

Leanna as a character was interesting, but not extremely compelling. I could sympathize with her, but I wasn’t as invested in her story as I would have liked. To me, her story didn’t really start or become overly interesting until the second half of the book.

Then we have John. I really liked how his entire personality was divided in two: the image of himself that he presented to the world and the side of him that only Drake, Rosie and Leanna see. I’m always extremely protective of abused characters, so to me he’s like a little marshmallow that needs to be hidden from all danger.

Now for the romance - I am conflicted. I liked the idea of them at first, but the way Lea started to notice and (unknowingly) crush on him felt forced. I would’ve have expected them to be a lot more slowburn, but the way Lea notices an attraction to him is a very steep step from “ugh I hate him, his friends are bullies” to “our hands only brushed why did I shiver”. And the way their relationship developed in FLASHBACKS while Lea told Laurie what happened instead of it happening in “real time” really took me out of the story for a while. It messed up my mental timeline by meeting during the story, then becoming friends through Lea’s personal narration to her then saying “we haven’t talked in a week”. Not to mention him inviting her to the skatepark was a little random (unless I missed something there??? idk). Then later them falling in love in the span of the few days John and Rosie spend in Lea’s basement was kind of… weird? It went way too fast. There was so much feeling and tension, but it came from nowhere. Like it snapped into existence for the sake of moving the plot forward. However, once it was there it worked really well for them and it was fun seeing them be so comfortable flirting and being bold with each other, but completely falling apart when someone else notices.

Onto the world building. It was… confusing, to say the least. Or it was in the beginning. With the prologue, we get a good look at the way society functions in regards to the Book of Eternity, but later on it gets confusing? Like, Lea tells us she’s angry at the system - why is that? Just because she was told she’d be having a sister when she was six and instead got a brother? She tells us she’s in danger of going to juvie, but it takes a long while to explain WHY juvie is such a big deal in her world. She mentions there’s certain dangers in her society by recalling how one of her classmates was taken by the police, but kind of glosses over it instead of explaining why her society is so dangerous, why they’re so set on controlling teenagers especially. There’s a lot of talk about how society sucks, but we don’t really get to see that until Lea is taken away. In general, it just seems like a slightly exaggerated international news version of the US, when in reality it’s so much worse. I wish more time had been spent showing us just how high the stakes were instead of downplaying them for shock value later on (like when Lea’s shot by her “friend”).

To me, Lea’s story got so much more interesting when she went to juvie as opposed to John’s, whose story I wish had been much more than just hiding and thinking. However, I truly wasn’t expecting his climax to be so intense and how he got to beat up his abuse dad? Love that for him.

For Lea, I’m curious to see what happens next for her. As a writer and reader I believe that the more powerful a character is, the bigger their weakness should be, so I’m curious to see what exactly will become of her now that she’s basically half the Justice League by the end of the book. While I’m still not the hugest fan of her character (mostly because I feel that her heroics near the end came out of nowhere), I’m super excited to see where her story leads in the sequel! And also where her relationship will go, since I’m pretty sure being kidnapped doesn’t help much in a long distance relationship lol.

A final note: while I do have my criticisms of this book, I really do appreciate having gotten to read and I’m excited to read its sequel! To me it felt like a rough start, but I have no doubts the sequel will surpass this one given that the hardest part (world building, character introduction) is now done and the book can focus on its strongest aspect: the plot. I know a lot of my review may have sounded negative, but I mean no hate or ill feelings towards the author. She did a wonderful job and I can’t wait to see what she does next!

[recurring-polynya]

I have devoted quite a bit of brain processing power to contemplating Rukia’s zanpakutou over the last few years. It’s not intuitive, the way it fits her. I still maintain a pet theory that Kubo came up with “individualized zanpakutou” idea somewhat later in the game, and came up with Rukia’s powers almost as an afterthought. After all, Rukia was the first Bleach character he created-- she originally fought with a scythe, back when it was called “Snipe” and everyone else was supposed to fight with guns. Also, she’s kind of redundant to Toushirou, which makes even less sense if he eventually intended to make her a captain.

However, thinking about her powers in the context, not of ice and snow, but of the fact that Sode no Shirayuki is a Yuki-onna actually makes a lot of things make sense. 

I am particularly interested in the Yuki-onba variants of the story, where she has a baby with her, and if a traveler meets her in the snowy woods, she’ll ask them to hold it, and if they do, it becomes too heavy to hold and they freeze to death. This directly ties into the story of Hisana in my mind-- a baby too heavy to carry, a burden that would have crushed her to death. Giving Rukia up, though, has its own consequences, and Hisana is crushed to death by her own guilt. We learn this at the culmination of an arc in which Rukia views herself as a burden over and over again-- she leaves Renji because she thinks she is troublesome to him, she does not want to be saved by Ichigo, she is treated as a stone around Byakuya’s neck. There is one legend where a warrior accepts the baby, but holds a dagger to it so that if it is crushed, the baby will be killed, too. Its mother eventually relents, and rewards the warrior for his... badassery? Cleverness? I don’t know, but I feel like this is such a powerful metaphor for Byakuya and Rukia’s relationship-- he accepts the baby, but holds them both at knifepoint.

Rukia’s earliest character arc, however, is getting past this mentality, summarized in a not-at-all subtle way, given that Renji is literally carrying her around like a sack of potatoes as he says this:

It’s not the end of it, though, because a lot of Rukia’s imagery then moves on to the idea of her carrying burdens. First and foremost, there was the Hogyoku (I am to this day a little miffed that there were never any aftereffects of having had that in her body for several months). There’s the entire business of carrying Kaien’s heart for him, which is tied together with Kaien making her promise not to die alone. This takes on a really interesting dimension when you tie it back to the idea that a Yuki-onna might be the ghost of a woman who froze to death and seeks to share that death with others (or conversely, that it is a comforting story of a spirit who appears to someone in their dying moments, since dying of exposure is an inherently lonely sort of death). Rukia is also the one who restores Ichigo’s powers to him, bearing them in the form a sword built by all his friends and allies. The imagery here is matches the stories where a Yuki-onna grants power and riches to those who outsmart her or withstand her tests.

Rukia is sort of evolving from the yukinko, the baby/burden of the story to the Yuki-onna, the one who bears the burden. The ultimate expression of this is her bankai, of course, where Rukia, who has been dead from the first page we met her, is even more dead, the very embodiment of deadness. Way back when she tried to run away from Karakura Town to spare Ichigo the consequences of her actions, she describes emotions as a burden, and says that a shinigami shouldn’t have them: congratulations, Rukia, you did it!

I don’t think she could have reached bankai, however, if, as she originally thought, she had just ignored her emotions or suppressed them. She had to go through the mortifying ordeal of knowing and being known, of allowing herself to be a burden and to carry the burden of others before she was capable of stepping into her full strength. 

Here are some other points I didn’t manage to squeeze in above:

A lot of the variants of the legend described on Wikipedia associate Yuki-onna with New Year or Little New Year (which is the fifteen of the first Lunar month or sometimes January 15). Rukia’s birthday is 1/14. 

Yuki-onna are sometimes said to carry a white wand (like the kind that would be used in a shinto ritual), and I think you could reasonably make a connection to Rukia’s white sword.  

There are other stories where people are able to withstand the weight of the baby and are granted great physical strength. I know there are various retconned reasons for how the Karakura kids got their powers, but it’s also interesting that it was the four of them that did not forget Rukia when she disappeared.

Japanese lady ghosts are sort of a continuum. Yuki-onna can also fill the folklore role of animal bride, and they can also be baby stealers. It’s only a short jump from a Yuki-onba to an ubume and ubemetori, ghosts of women who died in pregnancy and related bird spirit that screams and puts poison blood on your laundry. Oh, did someone say bird screams in the night, you mean like a nue? BLAMMO, I have finally successfully Kevin Baconed Rukia and Renji’s zanpakutou spirits, just let me have this.

[serpenteve]

why we ship darklina

an essay literally no one asked for

Nobody needs a "reason" to ship Darklina. But considering this is a villain x hero pairing, it got me thinking about why we shipped it in the first place when the narrative and author so badly wanted us to root for the more sensible alternative pairing and why it became the most popular ship of the entire trilogy.

Personally, I find it really interesting (and low-key hilarious) that a lot of the reasons shippers gravitated towards Darklina can be directly traced back to how badly Bardugo bungled Alina's character arc, Mal's entire characterization and narrative role, Nikolai's wasted potential as an alternative love interest, and the noble intentions she gives the the Darkling.

Alina's Character Arc

Alina's character arc doesn't match who she is as a character. I've written more about that in this post, but a lot of readers were introduced to a passive and insecure protagonist who we were expecting to undergo a typical YA coming-of-age character arc where Alina acquires self-acceptance, confidence, and embraces the full breadth of her powers over the course of the trilogy. Instead, Bardugo gave Alina the kind of character arc that's usually deserved for power-hungry anti-heroines or tragic heroes with a fatal flaw to punish.

The plot offers a strange binary: either Alina suppresses and hides her powers and therefore stays away from descending into villainy OR Alina attempts to find Morozova's amplifiers in order to defeat the Darkling but then becomes corrupted by power in the process. Alina's journey to self-acceptance and exploring her own powers are unfortunately entangled with her relationship with the Darkling. The only way she is allowed to move forward through the plot is to succumb to the corrupting influence of the amplifiers.

For better or for worse, the first character to really embrace her powers instead of thinking she's a fraud or that she's weak or that she's an unholy abomination is the Darkling. He's the first person to recognize her power for what it is and accurately judge its potential and implications for the rest of the world. He advocates for her in front of the royal court, in front other Grisha who think she's weak, and even against Baghra who is initially a very ill-tempered mentor with little to no faith in Alina's abilities. He even rather ironically advocates for her even when the heroic person who's supposed to be supporting her (Mal) does not.

At the start of her journey, Alina is insecure and in constant need of assurance and validation. The Darkling's role as her mentor and guide into this unfamiliar world of Grisha makes him the perfect advocate not only for her powers but also to help Alina see her place in the world. However, once he is revealed to be the villain, Alina also fails to realize that it's time for her to advocate for herself and throws the baby out with the bathwater.

Mal's Characterization & Narrative Role

When Alina loses the Darkling as an advocate in S&B, Mal steps up to take this role. Alina is still rather passive for the majority of the first book and it's Mal who originally wants her to have Morozova's stag as an amplifier if it will mean being able to stand against the Darkling. Bardugo intended for him to be a heroic love interest as a foil to the villainous love interest and I believe she mostly succeeds for the first book.

However, because this is a story about punishing Alina's "evil ambition" (despite there being very little evidence of that) Mal is supposed to serve as a voice of reason in the narrative. Once Alina considers the necessity of acquiring more amplifiers to defeat the Darkling, it is Mal's role to warn her of the potential consequences, to remind her of her inner humanity, and to ward against the corrupting influence of Morozova's amplifiers. Mal's declarations that he wants back the old girl he knew without any power is meant to drive an ideological wedge between them, yes, but he's also meant to be Correct™ because, again, Bardugo is writing a story about a corrupted power-hungry heroine who goes too far and needs to be punished rather than the arc we were all expecting and the one that Alina's character needs: a coming-of-age story of self-acceptance and personal growth.

Some point after the backlash of Siege & Storm, Bardugo seems to have become aware of her mistake and attempts to scrub Mal's character to be more sympathetic. There is a bizarre exchange half-way through the third book when Mal finally declares:

"I wasn't afraid of you, Alina. I was afraid of losing you. The girl you were becoming didn't need me anymore, but she's who you were always meant to be."

This is an interesting line because it's a complete reversal of Mal's narrative role so far. He's supposed to be her voice of reason that opposes her at every turn but readers interpreted him as being resentful of Alina's powers and angry that she was no longer dependent on him. Bardugo is forced to retcon Mal's entire role in the narrative from being a voice of reason that opposes Alina's quest for power to a supportive friend who will fight by her side. But this was never her initial intention and I believe this change was brought on 100% by audience reaction because she failed to understand the arc her heroine needed and the kind of story her audience was anticipating for such a character.

Needless to say, having your heroine's main love interest actively resent her quest for power until half-way through the third damn book did not endear many readers to Mal. Because Bardugo failed to understand the kind of character development her heroine needed and failed to understand audience expectations, we hated Mal. He became the embodiment of every toxic chauvinist we'd ever met who can't stand the idea of his partner's success and feels entitled to be the center of her universe. He was not the voice of reason. He was an annoying gnat hellbent on dragging the heroine down and away from her destiny. We did not want to root for him. Even the villain was more sympathetic than him because he could bring her closer to achieving the self-acceptance the narrative was obsessed with denying her.

Nikolai's Wasted Potential as a Solid Love Interest

Nikolai plays several roles in Alina's journey but most importantly in our discussions for why we ended up shipping Darklina, his entire potential as a serious love interest is wasted.

When we meet Nikolai, we have hitched our wagons to the Darklina train because despite being the villain, the Darkling is the only one who will allow the heroine to accept her powers and come into her own. Her heroic love interest, Mal, is actively sabotaging her efforts and holding her back from her true potential. But then, in swoops Nikolai and we pause, wondering if there may be a better heroic alternative after all?

In a lot of ways, Nikolai and the Darkling alike: they are eager for Alina's power and see her as a solution to all their problems. They may want to use Alina to prop up their own agendas, but unlike Mal, Alina's summoning powers are a massive plus, not a burden. Nikolai is the heroic alternative to our villainous Aleksander. So we wait, wondering if Nikolai will be the one to fix this mess of a romantic subplot. His royal connections offer an easy path to upwards mobility for our heroine and we sense that an alliance between them (even if it's initially political in nature) may bring our heroine closer to obtaining more power, influence, and self-acceptance not only for herself, but also for the oppressed minority she is a part of.

But, again, Bardugo is still obsessed with that "punish the heroine for wanting power" agenda so while Nikolai exists as another mentor figure who offers Alina advice on how to rule, how to appeal to other people, how to charm, how to win people over, and Alina learns and applies much of what she learns from him, he is not treated as a real love interest.

Despite Nikolai being written as a fairy tale prince (handsome, charming, smart as a whip, brave in battle, etc) Alina never actually considers him romantically. They are friends and allies at best and the only time she considers kissing him is only when she's pissed about Mal.

Nikolai's proposal at the end of Ruin & Rising feels like one last saving grace, one last opportunity for our heroine to take control of her life and make a dramatic change to break from the past. But this too is rejected because Alina's arc will never let her access any power. She does not reject Nikolai because she wants to marry for love. She rejects him because she has been "punished" for wanting power and has internalized that she must not seek any more power for fear of angering the plot gods (and Bardugo). She must return to being nobody in order to remain a good and moral person.

(And, of course, we resent Mal even more because who in their right mind would choose him over Nikolai? Once again, he becomes a roadblock on our heroine's journey to power. We grow irritated that the heroine is failing to grasp an opportunity to elevate herself. We throw the book against the wall. Why are we even following this heroine?)

The Darkling's Motivations

Still, all of the above might still not have been enough to pull the reader to the villain's side. But the Darkling is the living embodiment of Villain Has A Point™. He is not pure unadulterated evil. He is not Lord Sauron or Voldemort or the Terminator.

He's more Magneto, Roy Batty, or Ozymandias---a man who is part of an oppressed minority who longs for justice and power but is absolutely unhinged in his methods.

Alina runs away because she does not want to be a non-consenting weapon in hands. But we always end up wondering what would have happened had Baghra not warned her. What would have happened if Alina gladly joined the Darkling's side? There's hundreds of fanfics written precisely about this situation because despite the villainy of his methods, we wonder if Ravka might not have been safer after all?

If the Darkling had used the Fold as a weapon against Fjerda and Shu Han, would any of the problems Ravka faces in the later books even exist? Would any Grisha fall victim to the khergud programs or be killed as witches? The Darkling wipes out Novokribirsk and kills hundreds of lives, but how many would he have saved with the Fold as Ravka's greatest shield and sword? 🤷🏽‍♀️

And therein lies the problem with the trilogy inconsistent moral landscape. The Darkling is an anti-villain that exists in a narrative that is very black and white, unlike the rest of the books in the Grishaverse where our protagonists are anti-heroes who kill, steal, and torture their way through the plot with nary a judgmental glance from the narrative. We long to see our heroine give in to her dark side and get her hands dirty because watching a naive, passive, scared little girl grow into a ruthless powerful Grisha would have made for a hell of a compelling story.

But that's not the story Bardugo wanted to tell.

The Greg Trilogy

Despite taking place in a fantasy Tsartist setting, the Grisha trilogy is oddly anti-Grisha. The narrative doesn't spend much time trying to examine the context or implications of an oppressed minority group fighting for power other than to say "magic powers = evil". Nikolai skates by on a throne of inherited wealth, privilege, and imperialism but it's okay because he's charming and witty and the only monstrous part of him is the Darkling's curse. Literally everything is worse for Ravka and their Grisha after the destruction of the Fold but Ravka must move forward into a new age without relying on Grisha power but putting their efforts into new muggle technologies. Alina must be stripped of her powers and returned to her "old self" in order to be purged of evil.

Basically, it's all one gigantic ✨ dumpster fire ✨ of mismatched character arcs, incompatible moral aesops, inconsistent characterizations, wasted potential, unexamined plot points but it's a a dumpster fire we lovingly and spitefully embrace in fanfic.

We don't ship Alina with the Darkling because we're stupid abuse apologists who somehow missed the giant flashing moral aesop of the books---and honestly, who could have possibly missed them when it's shoved in the reader's face every other chapter? We ship Alina with the Darkling because the entire ship is the embodiment of wasted potential (and wasted ✨aesthetics✨ tbqh 👀). We ship Alina with the Darkling because we're sick and tired of stories where female power is demonized. We ship Alina with the Darkling because the plot gave us literally no other alternative to see our heroine succeed except to give in to her alleged villainy.

But most of all, people ship Darklina because Leigh Bardugo utterly failed in writing the story she intended to write because had she succeeded, Darklina would not be the most popular ship of the trilogy.