#this is literally the most autistic thing ive done

[hingabee]

*oktoberfests your ziyal*

[purpurussy]

.

[janmisali]

been a while since I've done this but check out this comment. what are they talking about (transcription under the cut)

/hj is simple. It just means when you see it, youre supposed to go, "ha". Not "ha, ha, ha" like fully laughing, or " " like its not funny, just "ha". Thats all it means. /j means you go "ha, ha, ha" and /s means dont get irritated because they are not serious. You dont have to laugh but you dont have to cry either. No tone indicator is created for you to go back to the text to figure out what the tone indicator means, because most people will never do that, hence the meaning is created by the response and not whats inside the text. Thats natural language for you. Created by people doing illogocal stuff, not logic. Technically it is logical though. Its just not using the logic you would assume it to. You cant just assume that. You have to take everything that can affect the creation of language into account.

The tone indicator is useful when you want some1 to react by something. There are these awkward moments when you in a group (irl) tell a joke and every1 half laughs, but one guy goes fully laughing and its weird. This tone indicator is so that every1 knows to half laugh so that people can know that online as well. Communicating just isnt created like a certain word in a certain place or some word combination always should create a defined response. Tone indicators just try to control that response, which is why they exist. Its not complicated.

And yes its too stupid imo, ive given up on real language a long time ago, created languages are much more interesting to me at least.

Let me just go off the track completely and also super personal and define autism, because why not. Ive tried to do this before but i feel like now ive found the tools to do it better. Autistic people are people who are sensitive to information. Any kind of information, any kind of sensitive. Any kind of sensitive includes being non-sensitive and sensitivity fluctuations. Any kind of information can be sound, visual information like light or subjective information like text and it includes information fluctions. That is why autistic people can be very smart. That is also why they can be very dumb. Or both at the same time.

For example, here you show extreme intelligence for making an 18-minute video about language that doesnt make sense by logic, which it doesnt, which is a pretty important realization, but you also show a little of assuming your logic is the best which it isnt. Your logic is unaware of how the logic that goes into creating that language we all speak. It is the average human that creates language, because natural language is the most accessible to the average human. And so you have to think how does/would the average human react. The average human will laugh when they see /hj. They need no reasoning, thus reasoning is not needed in the language. I could literally say a comment of "hi. /hj" and for the average 100 iq person, that is a good joke or not, and it needs no reason to be or not be. Thats why comedy is so hard because for the average person it needs no reason to be funny, hence it either is or isnt. The best laughs are the laughs that have no reason, because thats when your instincts take over and make you feel good about yourself.

We obviously know autism with lights and sound is pretty much chronic. But i wonder, how chronic are they with logic. Because you can certainly be less sensitive to certain kinds of logic and more sensitive towards other kinds, it just isnt generally included in autism since its pretty common in neurotypical people too. I would go as far and say that autism was created from people doing irrational things with logic, and surviving better because they bamboozeled the people that used logic, thus the genes caught on and were like, "bro, were currently just taking in information, and treating it like its random, and we survive better, how about we cut the middleman and just interpret the information randomly straight away since it seems to work so well". I could be wrong but if its true that there were no autistic people before or there arent autistic animals in any other group of animals, that could be the reason why - our ability to think better caused us to also be able to get confused by randomness, thus people acting randomly can cause people to get confused and thus have the randomly acting people survive better and thus evolution of genes can catch on to the way of acting and make it genetical.

[ditzydoodiary]

autistic ramble about twilight sparkle because i love her sm and shes my fave autistic comfort character !!!

this took a really long time to make, and im really proud of it, so any reblogs/reshares would be appreciated ! especially if you like mlp !!

when people say she isnt autistic, i always find myself very surprised. i think to myself, have these people even watched the show??because yes, while the writers and lauren faust may not have intended for her to be explicitly autistic, she is very clearly portrayed that way, intentional or not. not to mention that lauren faust (creator of friendship is magic) has recently responded to a tweet saying that she thought pinkie pie being adhd was obvious; lauren faust has adhd herself, so its not surprising that so many of the mlp fim characters also posess many of the same traits as her. and i also raise the question; if she thought pinkie pie was obvious as having adhd, then why would twilight be any different?? she is very clearly autistic, but i dont think twilight's obvious neurodivergence has been addressed by lauren yet (unless im wrong of course, but i just haven't found anything about it when ive searched for it).

anywho, to list just a few of twilight's autistic traits:

- trouble socialising and making friends (this is literally the main plot point of the first few seasons and is even still present in the later seasons, so its not like this was just a one time thing). an example of this would be in the very first episode when twinkleshine, lemon hearts, and minuette invite her to moondancer's party; she awkwardly declines, saying that she needs to catch up on her studying instead. to this the other ponies say, "ugh, does that pony do anything except study? i think shes more interested in books than friends"

- she has a very obvious special interest in reading, books, research, and the study of pony magic. she indulges in these interests to such a level where she often loses track of time and stays awake all night, and often misses out on opportunities to socialise with her friends. when she cant indulge in them, she gets upset. this ties into finding comfort in routines, too.

- taking things literally (e.g: that part in "look before you sleep" where she takes rarity's statement about them getting warmer in regards to playing a game literally). look before you sleep is also a great episode showing her need to have everything planned out; in this episode, twilight has her first slumber party, and uses a slumber party planning book as a guide. she thinks has to follow every single instruction in the exact same order, and when rarity and applejack dont oblige, she gets upset.

- HEAVILY relies on schedules and planning. she utilises all kinds of lists; visual lists, written lists, checklists, etc. when she's unable to stick to her routines/plans, she becomes irrationally upset and/or angry, lashes out at other people and can have meltdowns. this is again shown all throughout the show, but is more prominent in the episode "lesson zero".

- LOVES organising, lining things up, and finding visual patterns in all sorts of things. she'll often just do this for fun and as a way to calm down, while others might find this more of a chore. i suppose this can be done as a form of visual stimming? I don't really know what this is called; but i know a lot of autistic people do it. i suppose this could also tie into needing routines and structure, as organising things can help autistic people feel more in control and can provide a sense of stability.

- she can often come off as insensitive or rude without meaning to, and sometimes she struggles with tone as well as being quite blunt. this is most likely due to her misunderstanding or being unable to read typical social cues. this could also perhaps be linked to low empathy, which is something a fair few individuals on the spectrum experience. this is especially true in the earlier seasons, but still shown in the later seasons as well.

- twilight also struggles with regulating her emotions and having meltdowns; this is typically the result of her needs not being properly met and her routines being changed. and when she's not having full blown meltdowns, she can at least be seen being snappy towards her friends when overwhelmed.

- stimming !!! oh boy does she stim a lot. stomping her hooves, jumping up and down, PACING (this is a big one), teleporting spontaneously when overwhelmed, flapping her wings, etc. in fact, twilight once paced so hard for so long that she made a groove in the floor without even realising !! (this was seen in the episode "its about time" - which is also a good episode that showcases her autistic traits)

- shes also sometimes shown struggling with overstimulation; in the third episode of the series, "the ticket master", twilight gets overwhelmed by her friends crowding around her and loudly shouting, resulting in her running off and snapping at them.

- shes often shown struggling with generalised anxiety, which is another common trait of autism.

and the best part is, this is obviously a common occurrence, and her friends fully support her through her struggles !!! her meltdowns, overthinking and anxiety are so frequent, that her friends know exactly what to do and how to help her.

obviously, this isn't every trait, this is just all the surface level stuff !!

i would have included more video and photo examples, but tumblr has a limit on how many you can add to a post :( i hope i still got my point across despite that !!

all in all, i think she's wonderful autistic representation !! even if this wasn't intentional, i still think it's great and love the way her personality and traits were portrayed. the main character of a children's show possessing these traits is awesome and something you don't see too often !! i hope lauren or at least someone on the production team talks about this, because it means a lot to myself and many other autistic people who love mlp <3

[apoplecticgalaxy]

saw ask. so let's say hypothetically (not really) all the apprentices are autistic (they are) headcanon them

Ive never done autistic hcs before but as an autistic person how hard can it be actually. Hcs for Mark, Amanda, Lawrence, William (he counts in my heart I love him) and Eleanor (not an apprentice but she should be)

Mark:

- Those gloves he uses to keep his finger prints off the crime scene? Originally he bought them because his hands (and feet but that has nothing to do with the gloves) are so sensitive to texture. Silk specifically. Because silk is awful.

- His charisma comes from the fact that he overanalyzes and studies neurotypical behavior to replicate it. Like "in order for people to like me i have to do [insert body language most people do subconsciously here]." This makes manipulating his coworkers into believing his innocence very easy.

Amanda:

- She subconsciously rocks back and forth whenever shes sitting down and doing something

- Fidget cubes are her best friend. Her favorite part is the little metal that rotates when you run your finger over it.

- Has a "Girls ❤️ my autistic swag" shirt. Shes matching with Adam.

Lawrence:

- Will collapse and die if theres a minor change in schedule. He has the most rigid morning routine and if he sleeps in even a bit and misses something it ruins the day

- Has alexithymia, hence Allison's "at least there'd be some passion in it" moment. He thinks he's happy in his marriage cause that's how hes supposed to feel but theres really no emotion or passion there. He just doesn't get that though. He's not aware he has alexithymia which makes it 10x worse.

William:

- Stimming. all the time. Mostly shaking his fists when hes happy.

- Goes nonverbal when extremely angry, which he hates because he wants nothing more than to scream at the person who pissed him off.

Eleanor:

- Literally hyperfixating on Jigsaw. Once Logan finds out about her obsession she just non stop rants about it to him.

- She's so picky with food and eats the same exact thing for lunch every day at the same exact cafe. If they're closed she just starves.

[justapersonherelol]

my thoughts on what I believe is the three top Lucifer ships

Adamsapple/Guitarduck:

Starting off on an unrelated note, MY GOD, ADAMSAPPLE??? THATS SO CREATIVE OML

I like it! The ship is simple, it has great chemistry and sets up great angst potential for the ship, especially with the heavy theory that Adam will turn up as a sinner for season two. Also, it’s heavily implied that Lucifer has done the horizontal tango with two of the og humans, so why not make it all three and finish up his collection? Adding onto that, they could have a great relationship as awkward exes from their time in Eden Garden, and man Lucifer has a crap ton of autistic rizz.

however, that’s the problem. I can only see them as exes. I mean, Lucifer didn’t seem to have any leftover attachment to Adam when he died, and ultimately did choose Lilith over Adam. Also, Adam has Lute now, and objectively has a healthier potential romance than him and Lucifer.

So, I like the ship and honestly go ahead (I say that with all three ships lol, ship what you want as long as you don’t force it onto others) but it’s not really one for me.

Radioapple:

Okay… I ship this.

it’s just a really silly ship and I really like their dynamic already!

HOWEVER, I don’t want this to become canon. I ship this only fanonly, and I like aroace Alastor NOT ending up with anyone, because currently Alastor thinks he hasn’t found the right person yet, and him falling in love with Alastor would actually kinda undermine the whole self discovery of asexualism/aromanticism in the first place! Yes, making him fall in love with Lucifer AFTER his whole sexuality discovery thing could really be impactful to the audience as a way to show what a aromatic or asexual person could experience, but I don’t want the show to be centered around Alastor, and if they added all of that while still balancing every single character development, the show would just be too long.

Lucilith:

oh boy do I have a crap ton of stuff to say about THIS ONE.

It’s the canon ship. The main characters parents. LUCIFER LITERALLY WENT TO HELL FOR LILITH, Lucifer is DEFINITELY the bottom and we have an IMPECCABLE height difference, we LOVE TO SEE THE SHORT KING WITH HIS 190-something CM WIFE. Who’s ALSO THE MOST BADASS WOMAN IVE SEEN. LIKE, GURL, STEP ON ME 🔥🔥🔥

But… Liliths been gone for seven years. She left her husband and her daughter. Lilith also is shown to be taking Charlie away from Lucifer in that one scene, causing him to fall into his depression… do you really love your husband if you leave him? Taking your daughter with you? And she doesn’t look good right now, because apparently she’s in Heaven? Perhaps she made a deal with them? It’s just.. really sad.. and sadly, i see the similarities to some parents.

Some parents fell out of love but refuse to divorce because of their children or tradition. It’s common and depressing, and often ends up worse than if they had just divorced. They fight and give each other snarky as comments, put each other down and take the other away from their child because they treat them to be a bad influence or something? And I think that’s what we see with Lucifer and Lilith right now. They were together for who knows how long, and Lilith was young. Who knows how old Lucifer is. Maybe… they were young, they did rash things, and swore they were going to love each other forever, but puppy love just doesn’t last forever. Lucifer might still love her and abandoned everything FOR her, but Lilith might have used him as a first love, an ex. Since most of Hazbin hotels audience are young adults… it could be a good idea to display the fact that not all love lasts forever. They could fall of out of love. Eternal love, while sweet, is foolish. All couples also have their ups and downs, and Lucifer and Lilith not having those just sounds wrong, yknow?

Lucifer deserves better than a relationship where they share mutual hatred but stay together for the sake of a child. Sometimes, divorce is the best option, whether you like it or not.

[brambleghastblast]

rather nice updates on the chuggaaconroy situation

ive thought about this thing. a lot. literally so much. chugga and trg are the only (formerly) consistently uploading youtubers i actually love watching. most gaming youtubers are just too angry or negative for me to get into. so i've been really bummed honestly. i have stopped watching chuggaaconroy and trg completely since january

but i've gotta say..

the fact that chuggaaconroy is taking therapy and fixing himself seriously, and has been doing this since before being called out, and the main allegation being from 2009.. i'm going to be completely honest. while i will never defend what he did, i am fully willing to forgive him.

many youtubers just post a short apology and go right back to making content and never change. but chuggaaconroy is seriously taking this to heart. he is clearly trying to change for the better and i really respect that

that, combined with all the good he's done for the gaming community in the past and how much happiness he's brought others.. i can't stay mad at him. he screwed up but like. humanity is all about changing and growing, making mistakes and then fixing yourself afterward. and the updates from nintendocaprisun really show he's taking this seriously.

i mean.. if i'm not mistaken what is calling out if not exposing the bad deeds of one and then making them change? i dunno, i just can't get throwing someone away entirely for some mistakes they regret. that sounds cruel.

and i don't think i'm alone, actually. the trg reddit and youtube comments were initially extremely angry and disappointed in emile.. but checking them again, they're now actually full of support, after tim's updates. people saying they overreacted, people wishing him well in therapy, youtubers he was friends with expressing support and saying they're still friends, people saying they miss him.

the situation was awful because it blew up everywhere and so many people hopped on. clout chasers trying to profit off drama, ableists using it as a ticket to bully autistic people, undying defenders claiming emile did nothing wrong, it was a horrible mess and such an awful time to be online.

but now that it's in the past and we get to hear actual fans and geniune peoples opinons, i think things are really leaning towards the better and more positive.

i don't defend chuggaaconroy, i am disgusted by what he did, but i will absolutely forgive him because he's geniunely working on himself and i believe forgiving regreted mistakes is the most human thing i can do, so long as he never does anything like this again.

[w98pops]

TW: SUICIDE MENTION, VIOLENCE

i knew i said i would take a little break, but ive been mentally declining a lot and drawing my silly guys is my way of coping. I never actually properly drew Wendy from 2301, so im filling in the blanks.

I'd like to think of her as a person who never actually... grows up. She just kinda gets taller and more sad over time. Wendy was always very vulnerable but cheerful, and House kinda groomed her into a serious and politically aware person, still unbelievably vulnerable but a viable subject nonetheless. I always had this problem with writing her relationship with another canon character, no one realistically would give a fuck about her and her opinions. Sure, maybe Arcade will pity Wendy because she's "stupid" from a neurotypical point of view, but other than that, she doesn't have any weight in any political conversation that's going on in the Mojave. So I made her really fucking stubborn. Annoyingly so. Wendy just... gets the job done. She's resourceful, efficient and very easy to manipulate. A perfect fit for a House's courier, I think. She doesn't question his orders, she does not care for consequences as long as she has House as her cover (a trait she inherited from her step-father) and she's sometimes sociopathic and numb to voices of empathy. Not in a "edgelord murder killer girl" way but more like. She doesn't see people who hurt her as humans. A coping mechanism that would probably be the end of her, sometime in the future. I mean, she did confront Benny and got really physical. There was no way she could've win a fight against a grown ass man, and Benny did beat the shit out of her, but in the end he was the one with a cracked open skull. I just like to think that her pure madness and helplessness was enough to fuel her mind and overpower something she had no chance against in the first place. SPEAKING OF CHANCE. That's why I think she would totally get along with Chance, the Khan from the comic. I don't really put a thought about how he would've survived or joined her, but they're pretty much soulmates. They have very different backgrounds, personalities, literally anything, but Chance recognises her rage. Her inability to do what's right and the constant fight against unfightable (?) circumstances she's facing every day. I'd like to think he's autistic too. As a treat.

So yeah, she's super uncertain about anything in her life, and that makes her a very useful tool in the hands of a right man. Mr. House mastefully manipulated her personality in a conventional way, taught her the secret and mysterious knowledge of "masking" and sat her down for a few years to teach her ways of the capital and created this really sad but smart and charismatic politician with no real political voice whatsoever. She's also very cute and sweet looking so yeah. He made himself a Tandi. 😭😭 Also he scanned her brains, which would totally not be a big plot point for the future.

Almost perfect, but Sharky is here too, for some reason. He's the biggest pain in the House's ass since Benny. He has a certain emotional intellect, not easy to bribe or manipulate in mental or physical way, he really fucking cares for his sister, and is very aware of the things The Big Guy does to her. See, Sharky wasn't raised by his sister, she was a child herself at that time, and his mother didn't play much role either, too busy bickering with Aletus and then later too busy drinking and fucking in Gomorrah. Sharky was raised by the Strip and the rules of Wasteland. He might not be the smartest guy alive, but emotionally he's mature beyond belief. He's very observant, empathetic and cunning person. Even tho he was mute most of his childhood because of child neglect and untreated autism, he has incredible social skills and a Yes-man in his basement he found while renovating the Tops. He has a plan. Not a good one, but a plan nonetheless.

I have so much OC material I'm ought to write a fanfic. Or a comic, idk. In my dreams, sure, but it's still refreshing to talk about my ocs and draw them, and recieving feedback and praise for my storytelling skills 😭😭😭 it means a lot. Thank you all for reading this far!!!

[wackpedion]

I always want to send u jimmy for these ask games. rpf? anyway seth

yaaayy from this ask game:

favorite thing about them

ermmm idk hes just captivating as a whole.... ig how queer that fukn dude is he showed up, acted homosexual, and left without explanation. ok.

least favourite thing about them

HOW HE APPEARS IN ONE CHAPTER AND THEN NEVER AGAIN :(( HE DESERVED MORE

favorite line

"It makes me so sad that... hehe... that I want to sink a ship", like first of all #okay dude and second of all i like his giggle

brOTP

him and vivia IVE BEEN SAYING THIS!!!!!!!! autistic green coded familial trauma bearing quiet silence appreciating dudes They'd Vibe let them set next to eachother for 30 minutes in pure silence itd be a blast for them.

OTP FURROUGHS FURROUGHS FURROUGHS THERES NO DEBATING THIS. UGGHJHHHCHCCHJCVHBJHBHHHHHHHHHH

nOTP

ermmm idk? idrc bout most ships but theyre not a No for me. oh i know one Seth x Wiki WETH SHIPPERS DNI NOW!!!!!!!!!!

random headcanon

ermmm hes left handed

unpopular opinion

No he isn't evil incarnate who wanted to desperately to kill the detectives he literally he literally does everything to AVOID that if anything having giving them so much time and second chances and trying to bargain with them and also No he isn't a soft uwu baby whos done no harm either Guys Please Please What Are We Doing Here

song i associate with them

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BY MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE

Favourite picture of him

highoncatfoods drawings of him and also ermmm this one he looks soft and malleable and like i could knock him over with a light push. hi charlie

[cometcrystal]

okay ive got at2d pulled up and i need to tell this story in my rewatch tag before i start the movie.

when this film was announced i was SO incredibly fucking excited. they were going to another dimension and it was A DYSTOPIA. they were going to meet alternate versions of themselves. it was the biggest thing pnf had ever done. i was so excited about this movie i couldn't fucking sleep. when the first teaser dropped i was home alone and i literally ran laps around the living room im not fucking joking.

i dreamt about watching the movie multiple times before it came out. i was always disappointed when i woke up because in my dreams it was always so cool.

on the day it actually premiered, my friend stayed the night and we got pizza. we were running late because little caesers took a long time with our hot and ready for some reason so i missed the first 10 minutes or so and i was so upset.

i watched the movie. and i had a fun time watching it. it was a LOT of fun. BUT DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LATER THAT NIGHT?

I CRIED. FROM DISAPPOINTMENT.

its insane and cringeworthy to think about now but at the time, i had hyped this movie up SO FUCKING MUCH in my head. i was SO EXCITED for it. that i don't think ANYTHING the movie could have been in reality was going to completely satisfy my expectations. i was setting myself up for this and i didnt even realize because my autism had been going so hog wild.

anyway. that's the 2nd most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me because of my autism. and if i loved phineas and ferb less, maybe i wouldnt have cried LMFAO. of course after that day, i was very into it. i loved the movie then and i love the movie now. it was just the initial autistic child grappling with the fact that the movie was an A and not an A+++.

[anadrenalineslut]

i think the thing that upsets me the fucking most about taking i hate it here verse 2 out of context (besides the context part lol) is that as an autistic, i understand the verse so viscerally and it makes me so sad for her.

i have been in this exact situation before my friends were playing a game with one another and trying to fit in, i say something that ruins the vibe because ive brought logic into the game now and nobody wants me around anymore.

i have been in this exact situation where i have played this exact game with my friends and have said something extremely similar to this sentiment and killed the whole vibe because now ive reminded everyone of like the history in the decades.

i understand it so viscerally because it has happened to me before and i get it, i get her and i find it ironic that none of you seem to understand what exactly she is trying to say with this verse when imo it is crystal clear what she is getting at.

to sit there and say seriously and genuinely that taylor is claiming to have a hard on for the 1830s and wants to seriously travel back in time to live there is so fucking silly to me. like it's in the verse itself. nostalgia is a mind's trick if I'd been there I'd hate it.

and what you're saying is that you're mad that taylor swift played the historical nostalgia game with her friends because its "romanticizing" the past when the verse explains how her acknowledgment of the past is what killed the vibe of the game in the first place like it truly feels like u bitches dont even know what ur issue is with taylor swift. u just get mad to get mad and cant even give a real reason for why taylor swift saying the 1830s had racism and sexism in a song is bad.

and i find it especially disgusting for you to do so while pretending to care about people with mental illnesses because historical nostalgia literally is a sign of depression and is well known within the psych field to be so. they do research papers on this. studies have been done that show a huge correlation between historical nostalgia and depression.

but also like... on the autism website, yall are going to sit here and get mad at a woman for being too honest and killing the vibe at a party game years ago? l o fucking l

[findroleplay]

looking for mxm historical OC RP!

experiance: 3-4 years (rping with a smaller group of friends), newbie to the larger rp community!

details!!:

- i'm 17, look for someone around my age!

- practically only OC x OCs (i dont like rping as preexisting characters) (open to making more ocs if you have ideas for settings and plots, i love writing especially when collaborating HHWJSHWHE), MLM preferred (most of my ocs end up very gay so 💀)

- english is my second language, although i've been speaking and writing in it most of my life, i still may make some slight mistakes

- i rp in tumblr dms, but if its for some reason too much of an issue we CAN rp in discord, i just prefer not to

- i do historical and historical inspired rp primarily (i LOVEE history, you will find it in most of the rp i do), in terms of fandomless i am interested in: wild west, victorian, edwardian and medieval eras, greek/slavic/general mythology

- BUT media i am really interested in rping in isss: night at a museum and bridgerton primarily, percy jackson not so much but stilll

- NO smut

- tropes ive done the most: slow burn, friends to lovers, found family, misfit/outsider, mutual pinning (those the MOST like all my rps had at LEAST one (but all were slow burn and misfit) (ill be fr i only do slow burn and misfit...)) enemies to lovers, various academies/schools, past trauma, forbidden love, abusive/no parents, hurt/comfort, i also dont take my rp too seriously- i include a lot of humor!

- practically all of my characters are slavic/balkan (like me!) (this is always a thing so might as well warn abt it 💀)

- total newbie to the larger rp community however from what i understand most of what ive done is called "short form illiterate rp", however i REALLY enjoy longer replies and i really want to look into and try lazy and regular literate rp!

- i rp and reply mostly or at least once daily (unless ofcourse i/you notify the other that you cannot that you are busy or sick or anything) so i want someone semi-active!

- lot of communication and plotting out OOC is required! im autistic and prefer everything to be cleared up like that 😭

in short, i am willing to rp a lot of things in all forms as i want to explore the community, i adore collaborative writing so more then willing to brainstorm together and plot out rp and ocs in detail (literally if you like historical stuff and all this seems okay to you just reach out with your oc or setting or ship or whatever idea ILL LOVEE TO MAKE SOMETHING UP TO RP WITH YOU im really flexible with it) but someone patient enough to let me make possible mistakes as i learn would be wonderful!

if interested, send a dm here!: @welcometotherpsideblog

-

[sith-shenanigans]

tier iv headcanons blease 👀

4. Makes a character or situation more relatable to me:

Let’s jump immediately to the heavy/complicated one. Force users are never neurotypical, by definition; their thought patterns and senses differ from their species’ norms. And I approach darksiders specifically and deliberately as being mentally ill—which, uh, sounds awful if it’s coming from someone who isn’t, but I am. Mental illness is part of the sapient condition, and it deserves narrative empathy and respect.

Using the Dark causes certain distortions in thinking, which differ from person to person, but tend to (as a basic rule) involve getting “stuck in their own head”; being much more seriously biased towards their own perspective (and often not realizing they should care about anyone else’s), tunnel vision on whatever they’re focused on, sometimes to the point of emotional solipsism (you know other people are real, but they don’t feel that way, or it doesn’t feel important). There are some people who vary from that—Ahene doesn’t really do a lot of that, because she’s so hypervigilant about analyzing other people that the characteristic thoughtlessness doesn’t appear—but they tend to have other issues, and generally those get drawn out the same way. (Okay, she does the tunnel vision thing, but she does that for autistic reasons. She just does it more now.) It basically tends to shove you very hard into whatever mindset you’re using to access the Force, and that is usually where “I want to do a thing” goes.

There tend to be emotional effects, of course (hypomania/actual mania and intense anger being most common, but it can go in most directions, honestly), though I don’t… like the interpretation some people have of “entirely kills your emotional control, usually in ways that don’t really read like any kind of realistic emotional reaction.” It makes it harder. Accessing the Force through yourself (which is what using dark side really means, in my headcanon) tends to magnify whatever is there. And some people… get the idea that they don’t really need emotional control? Which is an entirely different thing.

But, like, the important thing here is that cognitive distortions? Can be managed. Not perfectly—which is the other thing that bothers me, having characters who just Heroic Willpower through it unscathed—but it’s possible to have strategies. You can channel that druk. It’s going to affect you anyway! But being a reasonable member of society doesn’t require being “sane.”

(Or I’d be kinda screwed. No shame to anyone who doesn’t like the idea of “sanity” as a concept, but sometimes it’s reassuring to me to go “there is literally no reason why I should be incandescently angry about the idea of interacting with people I love, or feeling like my parents are strangers with no emotional connection, or whatever is happening here today” and the way I tend to think about that is “I’m objectively not sane and that’s just something I have to work around to be a reasonable person.” This personality disorder is a mood disorder in Groucho glasses, etc, etc.)

Anyway, while most Sith aren’t really managing things well—imo, they do kind of all have strategies? Most of them don’t think of it like managing a mental illness (Ahene and Verok being the exact opposite ends of that aside), but they all have their particular ways to wrangle themselves in the direction they want to go. And Sith society and social norms are built around that to a significant extent. A fair amount of the management of it unfortunately gets offloaded onto the regular people (bad), but the rules for Sith-to-Sith interaction are all calibrated around “how do we society when all of us are 90% problems by volume,” and I think that’s neat.

And also everyone can probably tell that I have one of the ✨bad ones✨ where sometimes when I get upset my brain flips the Wounded Abuser mindset and then I need to go hide away from society until I’m done being a werewolf because otherwise I am putting way, way too much effort into not deliberately being horrible to people. I’m not writing my darksiders as borderline (except the ones that actually are), but my brain is so good at inventing awful thought patterns, you guys. I’ve got to do something with them.

[tiers of headcanons]

[b0d1ly-st3w]

have my postal 1 dude headcanons because hes so meeeeee

tw for mentions of self harm

• hed just barely turned 20 by the time postal 1 happened

• a bit of a mallgoth, really loved nine inch nails and marilyn manson

• had a really bad self harm addiction back in highschool, he was 2 years clean by postal 1

• actually felt so bad for everything hed done, cant even hear fake gunshots without wanting to throw up

• i believe that the demon was responsible for his breakdown, it convinced him that everyone was poisoned and that he was the only one that could save them

• schizophrenic, has hurt himself before because voices convinced him to do so

• shy and selectively mute

• other postal dudes treat him like a kid because of his age (postal 4 dude is his parental figure)

• asshole dad who was never around

• smokes like a chimney, anytime anyone sees him he always seems to have a cigarette in his hand

• great with kids, thats why he couldnt bring himself to hurt them

• the funeral ending was a hallucination (ik thats redux but they are practically the same leave me alone)

• the most traumatised postal dude

• would probs be a mitski stan

• autistic, bites the other postal dudes

• loves cats

• bisexual and in denial (has a fat crush on every single member of nin)

• just starts screaming randomly, but not in a funny way like a genuine terror way

• stares at people with his autism eyes

• wears his sunglasses everywhere

• lives off cheese and vodka (hes like an alcoholic mouse)

• absolutely loves horror movies, gets postal 4 dude to watch them with him

• scared of corkscrew, but corkscrew really likes him and feels the need to protect him

• suffered from anorexia at a young age, sometimes has days where he literally cant eat anything without crying

• people pleaser, changes his entire personality to make people happy

• loves wool sweaters, practically lives in them

• always cold

• drinks to forget

• gets randomly angry for no apparent reason, will start punching the shit out of people and screaming

• against the big light prefers lamps

• will just sit in the corner and listen while people talk

• loves pepperoni pizza

• still has braces

• probably loves hello kitty but will never admit it

• shoplifts literally anytime he goes into a store, steals things for other postal dudes

• would violently sob to real men by mitski

• bullys postal 4 dudes music but actually likes it (can you tell i love the idea of them being friends?)

i added more because ive got so many headcanons for this emo loser <3

• really picky with what he can eat, will spit anything out he doesnt like

• his family where heavily religious, thats why he wears a cross

• can fall asleep literally anywhere

• defos a stoner

• practically lived at korn concerts

• likes hugs but also despises being touched

• corkscrew carries him about everywhere, gives him piggybacks all the time

• either completely stone cold or really giggly and happy, there is no in between

• uses :⁠-⁠) :⁠-⁠P :⁠-⁠O :⁠-⁠( when texting

• probably likes cannibal corpse

• chop suey! by system of a down is his anthem

• spins around in circles to stim, postal 2 guy joins in because funni

• steals peoples jackets

• would be absolutely cracked at hatsune miku project diva

• has a hyperfixation on music and plays bass

• i think he would be really soft spoken most the time

• when hes drunk hes absolutely mayhem, runs around and throws cushions at people

• tried to give himself a stick and poke and got mad when it didnt look good

• if postal 1 was set in the early 2000s i think hed be an emo

• goes nonverbal often, hardly ever speaks

• claustrophobic, will start crying if he feels trapped

• hates parades (unless its a pride one #ally)

• (⁠●⁠_⁠_⁠●⁠) stares at people like this

• tooth gap<3333

• hates wearing bandages around his arms because theyre itchy and uncomfortable

• probably had an entire bag of bandaids on standby

• ik he canonically has sorta short hair but i like to think its really long

• wanted a mohawk

• wears eyeliner but will deny it even though its so obvious

• he did have a girlfriend at one point but she left him because he was strange (autism making him bitchless💀)

• ik this makes no sense but i think it would be funny af if he was scottish, like all the other postal dudes expect him to sound like them but then he starts speaking in the heaviest scottish accent imaginable (and before you say im only saying that because hes ginger im scottish so im actually projecting get it right)

• gave himself so many piercings but half of them closed up

• likes flavoured tea, his fav is peppermint

• would probably have a crush on tyler durden

• not really a hc but imagine him falling asleep on the sofa and postal 4 dude covering him with a nice fluffy blanket and giving him a little kiss on the forehead like dads in movies 😭😭😭

• wanted to be a musician growing up

• would watch the entire saw franchise in one sitting

• postal 4 dude always checks his arms and makes sure hes eaten, but he doesnt get upset with him if he does relapse or doesnt eat because he knows hes trying

• everyone tells him all their drama because they know he wont tell anyone (he knows everything)

• no one is willing to argue with him because he will either start crying or attack them

• probably bipolar

• signed postal 2 guys petition

• probably rabid/j

• really good at art

• scared of seagulls

• hes really lanky and tall

• (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠) default facial expression

• red is his favourite colour

• hes an anti-shaggin moment/ref

• will just lay on top of people with absolutely no care whatsoever

• really bad at helping others, hed probably awkwardly giggle at someone crying

• he likes stuffed animals, has a whole collection of them because he was never allowed them when he was a kid

• if you asked him his pronouns hed probably bite you (he doesnt understand)

• if demon ever got a physical form all the dudes (excluding 1) would team up and beat its ass

• demon still appears sometimes and even tells 1 what to do, but he does his best not to listen

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TW!! SLIGHT DESCRIPTION OF S/H

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• one time postal 3 dude was just going downstairs to get some water and found 1 on the floor sobbing, hed had an episode and sliced his arm pretty bad, 3 did his best to help and swore he wouldnt tell 4 but he found out anyways

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• hates chocolate cake with every fibre of his being

• paints his nails all the time, comes downstairs every day with a new colour

• one of the dudes got him a copy of pretty hate machine on cd for christmas and it was his most favourite thing for months

• loves little insects, willingly picks them up

• collects so much random shit its insane

i got more

• can never sit in pure silence because there always seems to be noise, but really its all in his head (this is based on some of the tracks from the redux soundtrack as obviously some of them are just unintelligible noise)

• picks at his skin alot

• used to skip school alot, but always did well in tests and exams

• cant swim

• actually really loved school

• salt and vinegar crisps man

• actually tried to quit smoking but failed horribly

• uses internet slang and postal 4 guy has absolutely no fucking clue what hes on about

thats all i got

[lux-talks-a-lot]

i was thinking and like, there have been many times in my life where i was too depressed to kill myself

and that's really fucking funny (im doing much better now)

but it's also kinda the point of being depressed i think

bc in the same way that anxiety seems like the most useless helpless feeling in the world when your in the middle of panic attack and all you want is for it to stop BUT is actually your fight/flight response kicking in and trying (& perhaps clumsily succeeding in) keeping you alive during a moment where may feel (and perhaps actually are) deeply unsafe

i think depression is there your inner self-preservation trying to keep you alive in a different way

bc from personal experience, sometimes the danger to your life is no longer an outside source (maybe you moved from the danger, maybe you adapted to it, maybe it's not there anymore)

the danger to your life is you and your brain knows if you COULD do something, it would be first and foremost self-destructive

and depression is awful and like literal chains around your ankles

but generally speaking, your brain & body want to live even when you don't

and they'll make it clear

your body might literally start collapsing bc you've taught your body "we dont rest unless we have to" so your body responded, "we no longer have a choice but to rest"

your brain might go into depression which is a deeply protective state of mind

reminder that your body has a lot of ways to warn you that you're on the way to depression but you have to learn the signs or else they might as well not exist

but yeah, idk, from the perspective of someone who's been to a lot of therapy bc i was something of a troubled child, everything ive been taught about how to take care of myself and my brain; human psychology is complicated but you dont need to know therapy-speak to understand that even when you feel like your brain fucking hates you, it's doing more to take care of you than most people are

trust yourself and your body a little more, there's reasons for why people crash and burn and it's not the depression, it's what led to the depression

i really question calling this shit mental "illness" when so often, it seems to only be an illness bc someone else is complaining about it, i know the moment i shut the fuck up and stopped complaining, i had more people in my life but i also started feeling worse

if we would just let people exist a little more, if we were more willing to give space to things we find uncomfortable instead of being ruled by emotional impulses, we might be able to expand the bubble of societal protection for EVERYONE, keep everyone a little safer

okay, im done my soapbox now, just needed to rant (shoutout to the first therapist i had who very bluntly told my very anti-drug family that i was currently very high risk and saying no to these drugs is saying yes to potentially letting this get worse, go figure the deeply religious undiagnosed autistic gay 12 year old trans egg was a little prone to self-loathing)

also shout out to tumblr, i dont know if it made me less or more at risk, but shout out anyways

[axolozzy]

vent (tw for extreme ablism transphobia and overall terrible stuff idek if i should even post this im sorry i just really need to vent i will probably delete this later)

y’all i’ve finally gotten comfortable vocal stimming in front of people im comfortable with like my friends and family and now my mom all of a sudden thinks im hearing voices or that i have “multiple personalities”????????* like no i promise nothings “going on” with me and j don’t need to see a mental health professional im just stimming because im happy. what the fuck

*also i’ve literally told her for YEARS that it’s called DID and talking in different voices does not fucking mean someone has “multiple personalities” because this has come up SOO fucking much over the years and i’m getting tired of explaining it. i repeat things in funny voices because it’s fun. i’ve done it my whole fucking life it’s called echolalia it’s called STIMMING and she doesn’t listen to me whenever i explain that

so much for being comfortable being myself around people. “you never used to act like this” BECAUSE I WAS SCARED!!!!! BECAUSE I HAD TERRIBLE ANXIETY AND DIDNT WANT TO BE JUDGED FOR BEING WEIRD!!!!!! my parents genuinely think there’s something severely wrong with me now. they literally told me that. because i meow sometimes as a vocal stim. and so do LITERALLY ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND PEOPLE AT SCHOOL. PEOPLE IN CLASS TALK IN WEIRD VOICES AND MAKE ANIMAL NOISES TOO ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!!! ITS NOT FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

i’m genuinely so fucking tired of this god who fucking gives a shit of im weird. i’ve been like this my whole life its not my fuckign fault that you didn’t pay attention and don’t remember. FUCK

my step dad’s a fucking dick too i genuinely hate him so fucking much i cant fucking take it anymore. NO!!!! IM NOT GOING TO FUCKING MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH YOU BECAUSE IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE AS FUCK. “why” because im autistic. “that’s not an excuse” yes it fucking is bitch its literally a symptom of fucking autism. no i AM going to keep calling myself autistic because thats what i am. no its not “putting a label on myself” because im actually fucking diagnosed autistic im not going to pretend it doesnt exist. because i fucking exist. im not going to “beat” my autism by suppressing all of my autistic traits because you want me to. “why?” DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF???????

and this guy worked in mental health for 17 years. he worked at a psychiatric hospital for 17 years. he never went to college or learned anything about mental health at all. he thinks he knows more than me about my fucking disability when he says the most outdated offensive shit ive ever heard about autism or DID or schizophrenia. he doesnt listen to a word i say because he’s “older than me and has more life experience” and therefore he automatically “knows more than me and im wrong.” he doesnt listen to anyone actually. he literally says to people not to correct him when he’s wrong because he doesnt like being told he’s wrong to being told what to do or think. he’s “not going to change his beliefs for anyone” even if he knows his “beliefs” are literally just fucking factually wrong or actively harmful. he purposely makes people feel like shit if they stand up for themselves against him. he purposely makes me feel like shit because im the only one in this fucking houses that dares to disagree with the shit he says. he’s a republican he’s obsessed with trump and blasts conservative transphobic racist news channels on the tv right outside my room at night so it keeps me awake and doesnt turn the tv down when i ask because apparently he has hearing problems but has never once got that checked out. he deadnames me and says “because of his adhd he’s not sure he’ll ever remember to use the right name so he’s not even gonna try.” and he says he loves and supports me but is constantly saying the most ableist transphobic shit to me and says he’s just giving me a hard time because he loves me. he has said on multiple occasions with a straight face that “fat people piss him off and they’re the one type of people that he doesnt feel bad for being outwardly hateful and discriminatory towards.” he tries to make me feel guilty for not believing in god. he’s anti abortion. he doesnt want me to get gender affirming care under his roof because he thinks its weird and disgusting and doesnt want me to get a dick even though i have told him a million fucking times i never want bottom surgery and i dont know why this is any of his fucking business anyway. he constantly tells me my online friends aren’t real friends and when he knows i love talking to them he purposely turns the wifi off. he asks me why im acting so weird and i say its how ive always acted alone and with my friends and im just being myself and he says “stop acting like that.” “why. im not going to change who i am for other people.” “well i want you to around me.” KILL YOURSELF IM SO FUCKING SERIOUS. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH

he’s a manipulative bastard and whenever we get into arguments, SOME FUCKING HOW a few hours later were happy and forgiving eachother and im the one saying sorry. he’s an asshole to me and everyone around him, he’s an asshole to my mom. they are constantly fighting but always deny it. i cant fucking take it anymore

sorry for this vent i know people dont follow me to know about my personal life i know i shouldnt say this stuff but i dont fucking care im so sick of this. i woke up this mornign feeling more excited happy and motivated than i have felt all week and it was ruined the second my mom came in my room saying that the way i act (my literal vocal stims) make her think there’s something severely wrong with me. i love her more than anything in the world she’s the best mom ever but what the actual fuck??????? anyway i hate my stepdad and even though i dont believe in hell i hope he fucking burns