#this is specifically them™ coded

[panevanbuckley]

best ship dynamic is everyone thinking person a is a badass and person b is a softie but it turns out to be the other way around

[theoutcastrogue]

That said, the D&D 3.5 Paladin was bad. It was badly designed, it had bad rules, and in conjunction with the other notoriously bad rule, alignment, it could cause havoc.

Now personally, I never had ANY problems with it in my tabletop games. I played paladins and loved it, and I loved it when other people played paladins, and it was great. But that's because, collectively as a group, we took ONE look at that terrible rule where the paladin's code of conduct prevents them from associating with Evil characters or "someone who consistently offends her moral code", and immediately went, "that's stupid, we ain't doing that, it would ruin the game".

We also didn't love the concept of alignment as a cosmic force, and didn't care for Usually Evil Goblins and Always Evil anything. And when a class's signature ability fully depends on whether creatures are capital E Evil, well that affects storytelling, doesn't it? But we all saw it the same way, and we were happily able to change it without any disagreements. In the end we had a Paladin… similar to 5e now that I think of it: completely ignore the Code's association clause, tailor the Code to personal stance or a specific Order, Detect only fiends and undead and the like, Smite anything you want, Fall only if you really fuck up, and never presume that just because you haven't Fallen yet everything you've ever done is justified and correct and anyone who disagrees with you is objectively wrong.

Basically, there were 2 options in 3.5. You either houseruled and/or handwaved things, and in matters of alignment interpretations erred on the side of "what makes the game go",

OR, you played with Rules As Written, and filled the forums with questions like "should the paladin fall?" (one such thread per week, conservatively), "we got into a fight over the Paladin, what to do?", "is it Evil to pick pockets? because we have a Paladin in the party", "the Assassin uses poison, shouldn't that offend my moral code?", and shit like that. Just... pointless strife, all the time. Again, never happened to me, but I was appalled to read about it, over and over and over.

People got intense with 3.5 Paladins (both pro and against) because it was BADLY DESIGNED and had BAD RULES. Its mechanics forced narrative choices on the entire table, and the only way to make it frictionless was having a party where no one wishes to explore a character's bad side ever, no one does things that aren't bad but WotC branded Evil™ in this or that splatbook, and everyone magically agrees all the time on "what is right and what is wrong" and "what is Lawful and what is Chaotic", which is simply impossible. The most subjective thing in the world (ethics!) was presented as an objective cosmic force, and how you interpreted it would determine how much damage the Paladin deals in combat, and whether the Paladin could keep associating with the party, and if the Paladin is still a Paladin. And all that in a game, let's not forget, whose basic, fundamental premise is "kill things and take their stuff". I'm sorry, this is tremendously stupid. It's the WORST design.

I know that for some people it worked as written, and good for them, but for the many many people it didn't work, well it's obvious why.

[let-roman-bite-someone]

i know i've said this before but i'm so tired of people acting like Patton is the general embodiment of morality. as if he is the personification of the legal justice system and everything he does must be good and fair™.

folks, Patton is Thomas's morality. remember what Virgil said in the Q&A episode?

this applies to all of the sides. every single one of them.

Remus wouldn't be the same for everyone, different people have different types of intrusive thoughts. Logan wouldn't be the same for everyone, different people have had different levels of education, different forms of intelligence and different applications of logic.

but the funny thing is, i never see people criticize the other sides for being too representative of their title. they don't reprimand Virgil for making Thomas anxious because that's his job. they don't bash Roman for being a perfectionist. but for some reason, people expect Patton to be a saint who does no wrong.

it's emphasized so clearly in multiple episodes that the sides are the result of Thomas's upbringing specifically. Patton is simply the moral code that Thomas's parents and on a larger scale, society, had taught him.

“Patton was so accepting of Virgil but he couldn't accept Remus or Janus!”

yeah. because it's easier to deal with anxiety than it is to deal with intrusive thoughts. don't get me wrong, anxiety is definitely a serious issue. but Thomas's anxiety never went directly against his morals, if anything, Virgil's perspective aligned very much with Patton's. being anxious about say embarrassing yourself in public or not getting your work done in time is not as morally concerning as having thoughts about murdering your brother.

but Thomas, like many of us, grew up with no one to tell him what intrusive thoughts are or how to deal with them. when Patton was chastising Thomas for having these thoughts, that's just Thomas beating himself up over something he can't control.

the same goes for Janus. Patton had a hard time accepting Janus because Thomas had learned to always be selfless since when he was younger, and Janus was challenging that point of view. when Patton was pushing Thomas to be selfless, that's just Thomas pushing himself and feeling guilty at the thought of focusing on his own needs.

i feel like people think that Patton is actually Thomas's father figure or something. i understand if he reminds you of someone toxic in your life and it can be uncomfortable to watch. but while it's good to relate to the media you are consuming, it's also important to view things in context.

Patton is not a person, he's not an individual who has the freewill to do what he wants. he is only Thomas's morality and what his morals are heavily depends on what Thomas was taught and how he was raised.

Patton cannot control the morals that Thomas had learned. he can only try to implement them in Thomas's life and unless Thomas himself decides to unlearn some of the unhealthy ideals that he has internalized, Patton cannot go against his nature. he can only do what he has been programmed to do, with the knowledge that he has.

[nico-di-genova]

Prompt?? Request?? Idk what this is but it’s been stuck in my head and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it!!

——

Frat boy au where lance is super straight passing and acts really frat bro-y. But it’s Outside POV from another person in the college who assumes he’s probably homophobic and doesn’t treat women well/ all that stereotypical frat boy stuff. They complain abt fratboys all the time to their friends too and it’s this whole known thing in their friend group. Then they see him get into this super fancy car with a hot older man (nando ofc) and is like what’s up with that. Person keeps trying to ironically figure out if lance is part of the mafia or some other mystery. Turns out he’s in a loving relationship with his sugar daddy nando (person sees them kissing at a gay bar one night, among other things 😏) and after that they’re like damn wtf and have a change in perception of lance and can’t shut up about it and tells everyone “did u know lance is gay?!!” Other shenanigans ensue.

Bonus if they become friends in the end and lance tells them all the different ways and places nando fucks him.

I need you to know that this has unlocked something that I have been talking with my irls about for literally a month now. I will write this whole thing for you, but right now please enjoy this snippet and some Lore ™.

Also this may be so uniquely specific that no one will enjoy it, but I need everyone to know this has been my secret passion project for weeks now.

Logan absolutely despises group projects. He especially despises them when he’s partnered with perhaps the worst possible group of people you could be partnered with on an assignment that is responsible for a quarter of their grade. Other than the girl sitting to his left, her blonde hair pulled into a high ponytail, spreading out notes in multi-colored pen and highlighter, their table is the least inspiring of the lot. For one, there’s him, who had barely passed elementary calc. last year and was on his way to failing macroeconomics this semester. But it’s the two sitting across from him that instill a particular sort of dread.

“You going to Rusty’s tonight?” one of them asks, Esteban, tall and lanky and slumped so low in his chair that Logan can almost touch his feet even though he’s clear on the other side of the table.

The other one, Lance, broad and just as long as his friend, shrugs, “I don’t know, man. Getting kind of bored of it.”

Logan watches as Lance takes off his backwards cap long enough to ruffle at his hair before sliding the hat back down onto his head. There’s Greek lettering embroidered along back for some fraternity Logan doesn’t know the letters of, but is sure they’re assholes, nonetheless. He’s seen the way Lance strolls into class enough times, backpack slung over one shoulder, if he even bothers to bring it, his phone in the other. He wears his AirPods during class, which easily outs him as the elitist snob he is – the type of student who’s here partying on daddy’s dime, who wouldn’t know what the term ‘work study’ meant if it ran him over with the  bike Logan knows Lance keeps in the University Village parking lot. Logan couldn’t afford off-campus housing, but he knows Lance can, the bike is always parked in a resident spot.

The girl beside him shifts her notes closer, he turns his attention to her, so he doesn’t have to hear Lance recount his exploits at the local bar that is known for serving underage undergrads.

“You took all of these?” He asks the girl, mildly impressed. Her handwriting is neat, so neat it almost looks unnatural. She’s color coded them, bolded certain words and underlined others. Logan is suddenly ashamed of the chicken scratch in his notebook that’s tucked beneath his arm.

For those that don’t know, Florida Gulf Coast University is a school in Fort Myers (in south Florida, on the opposite coast of Miami). Their big draw is being “close” to the beach, realistically it’s like a 30 minute drive.

They typically attract local kids on scholarship, or rich northerners who are just looking for an easy education. But they do offer a unique golf management degree, and their claim to fame is that they’re sometimes decent in the basketball department (like 1 time in 2015 but they just will not let it go). They also somewhat have a reputation as a party school (tho I think Miami definitely more than them).

Being built predominantly around preserved land, FGCU also has a big “eco-friendly” outlook. So lots of walking paths, a course called colloquium that all students have to take, and the one everyone dreads because you have to walk through the swamp for part of it. Lucky for Lance, he would have attended during the COVID years, and thus could avoid the swamp walk because all courses were virtual.

He’d probably be a member of Alpha Epsilon Pi, the Jewish fraternity on campus. They’re lowkey, but also kind of throw the best parties, off-campus of course because FGCU doesn’t have official fraternity or sorority housing. In this world Lance has definitely drank jungle juice from a trash can with a nozzle cut into the base. He is aware of the existence of “Saturdays are for the boys” flags, frat boy Lance is something that can be both repulsive and endearing.

He has a car, but most the time he opts to take his bike places. Fernando first runs into him when he’s in his bike gear actually, which, you know, hard to resist that. Plus, picture Fernando being Lance’s backpack. Please envision it, it’s a very important image. It’s definitely happened in this universe.

Strollonso beach dates??? Yeah, 100% happened here too. One of the reasons Lance even ends up at FGCU is because of the beach, so you know his ass is there most weekends. He forgets sunscreen frequently, Fernando is used to applying aloe to his back after they’ve spent a long day on the boat. He probably has that sunburned warmth to him like 24/7. He never forgets his sunglasses though, so he also maybe has raccoon eyes.

Oh yeah, and Logan, being a South Florida boy, probably would have attended FGCU too. His tinder profile unfortunately probably does feature a photo of him holding a fish. Just Florida boy things.

Anyway, this maybe is nothing. But if you want to talk more about this au please feel free to message me/send an ask. And I will 100% be ready to ramble more about this ultra specific fic. A chapter coming after keep to the line this weekend maybe.

[cucumberteapot]

Ugh! I love how so unapologetically punk this film. Obviously, there's Hobie with his battle jacket and electric guitar, and his whole Vibe™ immediately comes to mind, but the subgroups of punk are so deeply entrenched throughout the entire movie.

Like Hobie's style, in particular, reminds me so much of how British punk fashion is accumulating old, worn, even ugly pieces of clothing and turning it into something cool. It's thrift stores. It's hand-me-downs. It's customisations. It's momentos from friends. Maybe even piercings done by friends. It's about taking things from different places and making them your own - which is exactly how Hobie ends up making the dimension travel watch. Another thing is Hobie's blue laces, which I've been told is punk-code for having killed a police officer. We as audience members can go back and forth on whether ATSV is a copaganda film or has its themes, but I believe that tiny detail about Hobie is huge for a film distributed from a country that often values authoritative institutions more than it citizens.

Gwen is implicitly trans and shaves half her head, which is, from my understanding, HUGE for trans women who experience gender dysphoria. A lot of Gwen's fashion and prom dress especially reminds me of Hayley Williams in the late 2000s-early 2010s. It's very experimental, which I feel matches her age and uncertainty about being Spiderwoman, her dad, and Peter's death.

There's also a lot of concept art for Gwen's hair where her side-cut becomes an undercut and she wears it in a pony tail or bun and I just think they're so cool - D especially.

Miles G Morales' design is so heavily inspired by alternative goth fashion and techwear - a mix of combat attire and hip-hop streetwear. It's loose yet slick with it's own customisations in the crown-cut collar and the spray-paint insignia, and incorporates high-advanced technology in the mask.

It's futuristic. A what-could-be. And specifically what Miles could've been if he wasn't bit by the spider. Another cool thing, I don't know if this is related but worth pointing out, is that Prowler wears a modified (leather, bomber, varsity??) jacket. That's kinda crazy for an superhero/anti-hero suit if you think about it. Most of the time you'll see Marvel or DC characters running around in a spandex suit or (for women) almost nothing at all. But like Hobie we see how Miles G styles himself even when he's disguised. Like I wouldn't be surprised if his outfit change was just turning the jacket inside out like a sukajan jacket.

ATSV has so many characters with the own specific styles and it's really nice to see where most franchises are all or nothing when it comes to character design aesthetics.

[thesmpisonfire]

Okay guys... So. I think Pomme was never meant to lose her first life

Follow me on this, ok?

The wording of the tweet was weird. I have a theory that Quackity Studios is just the equivalent of a Federation Twitter Account™, so I always read their tweets as the Federation's messages. Which adds a whole ass different layer to this tweet

Pomme was killed by the Federation. They wanted to kill her but they used a different weapon that a 'normal' code would've used ("The equipment to be used by external entities are already set" There's a rule for what swords the codes, aka 'external entities', should use. This wasn't actually a code), maybe it was a sword that members of the Federation normally use and was used due to muscle memory

The Federation wanted Pomme dead and pretended to be a code to kill her, but couldn't get the details of what an actual code attack would be like, and it caused a mess, something undesirable

They were observing everyone's reaction to the death, they wanted to see an specific reaction to Pomme's death. The use of such strong sword brought a response that the Federation didn't like (Would it be the feeling of helplessness? The bitter regret? The way their fighting flame was blown out?), so the Federation brought her back to try again

Now, I think this whole situation was actually a scripted event. The writers wanted to show the Federation commiting such action, Pomme was supposed to lose a life and then get it back

Why? To show the Federation off. To prove they could just one hit kill all the eggs and there's nothing they could do

They killed Pomme like it was nothing and they brought her back nonchalantly bc of a mistake. It was the writers way to say "See? The Federation is extremely unfair. It's playing games. It's just experimenting and studying the players. It doesn't care for the eggs." And, most of all, "The eggs don't have only 2 lives". Because the Federation keeps playing with the poor eggs like dolls. Killing and reviving them all around just to mess with the parents, showing off the "dead" eggs to the grieving parents just to see how they act

This was all a set up, to show off how unfair the Federation truly is. That they're hiding their true facade

[girl-in-the-mirrorbluenight]

Okay I've been thinking about this pretty much all day since I saw the hbomberguy and then todd in the shadows video i just have so many thoughts. While I wouldn't necessarily call myself a Video Essayist™ (I've only made a few over the years) as a youtuber and someone who has made video essays i definitely have more experience than the average person. There are so many things that stand out to me about this whole debacle i dont even know where to start.

First I want to just give a little insight into the process for making video essays from people who've never given it a shot and just how absurd it is to do the type of plagiarizing James has done. Video essays take a fuckton of research, even for pretty simple topics, but on top that you also have to make them with the medium of video in mind. it's really not enough to just take an essay you would write for a class and read it out loud. the flow is different, you have to have accompanying visuals, often background music, etc. They're a beast to make. My Twisted video for which i used literally two sources for my research (Sondheim's books and the musical Twisted) still took days of thorough reading, note taking, watching the musical, watching the musical again, watching the musical and taking notes, cross-referencing my notes, etc. For videos that synthesize multiple sources or are covering multiple pieces of media, that time goes up exponentially. Then there's writing, recording, gathering clips (often one of the most difficult parts depending on how obscure what you're talking about is), and editing. Even for a silly video like my Glee video, I still had to do a ton of research to make sure I was getting things correct, and that was a funny tier list about freaking Glee! There is just no way you could come up with a thorough analysis by just copying and pasting. Which brings me to my next point.

I think James may have thought (or more likely rationalized) what he was doing as analysis based on like the vaguest definition. When you do any kind of analysis, what you're doing is taking research from multiple different places (news articles, primary sources, existing analysis, etc.) and coming to your own conclusions, whether that's a synthesis of those different sources, or applying it to a specific thing like a movie. Really simple example is my Twisted video where I take Sondheim's writing and apply it to a specific piece of media (in this case Twisted). I'm using existing work but coming to my own conclusion. In the Spies Are Forever video, I took existing research about the Lavender Scare and the Hays Code, including primary sources from the time period, and applied it to the musical Spies are Forever. What James seem to do is take a bunch of existing scholarship, copy and paste it all together and then come to a "conclusion" that was not actually his own original thoughts but either "facts" he completely made up or something that didn't do anything to actually link his other "sources" together. I can see why it has the veneer of analysis, but making up a random "fact" you think might be true is not the same as a drawing a conclusion based on research.

I also think Todd made a really good point in the part about England's propaganda campaign against Italy around 9:30 that it's just really bad video making to not include examples of images from this so called propaganda campaign. I have a ton of examples of news clips, government reports, etc. in my SaF video about the Lavender Scare because...it was a real historic thing that happened! If something was supposedly so widespread and not even that long ago, you can probably find evidence of it somewhere. Kaz Rowe (who is also linked in the queer creators playlist on hbomberguy's vid) talked about this a lot in their video about tiktok misinfo where people often make these outrageous claims but the thing is if something so outrageous happened (like people constantly shitting on the floors of versailles), other people at the time would probably be talking about it somewhere. It's a big red flag when someone makes such bold claims and has no evidence to back it up.

Putting this last section under the cut because I go talk about WWII, Nazis, and HIV/AIDS a bit (watch Todd's video for some more context) so if you don't want to see that post is over here.

Lastly I wanted to talk about something else Kaz brings up in a lot of their videos when talking about historical topics and that is the tendency to dehumanize people of the past, often as unwashed, unintelligent masses who would just do any ridiculous disgusting thing because they were so stupid and disgusting. There are a lot of things to criticize about the people of the past and their actions obviously, but we cannot forgot that they were in fact, people. Real individual people with their own lives and dreams and ambitions and individual opinions and they have never been and never will be a monolith. Claiming anything is broadly true of "the victorians" or "the ancient egyptians" or whatever other vague historical group you want to talk about is usually a lot more nuanced than "they all thought or acted in this one particular way". I'm certainly not a historian and i've only done one history focused video but James Somerton seemed to make a lot of broad historical claims in his videos that I think fall into this trap.

The one that stood out most to me in Todd's video was the claim about Nazi body standards which is a whole mess in general that Todd goes into for a while, but the way he talks about WWII soldiers was just like...weird. Besides the fact that a lot of his claims about Nazis seem to be bordering on glorifying them and their aesthetics (gross), I think we should remember that WWII was less than a century ago. There are still over 100,000 surviving WWII vets in the US. My grandfather who was in the Army during WWII (he didn't serve overseas but he was an enlisted soldier I can literally look up his enlistment records in the national archives online) was a real person who I obviously knew personally and who died fairly recently. To think he enlisted because he was jealous of German fitness or whatever and wanted to prove how tough Americans are is an absolutely hilarious thing to think if you knew him. I'm sure there are as many reasons for enlisting as there were enlisted soldiers. When James talks about even as relatively narrow of a group as "WWII American soldiers," he's still talking about a very large group of real and diverse people and to make such broad claims that "most" or even "a lot" of them were just so taken in by strong german physiques or whatever is frankly insulting. I haven't watched the entirety of James video so maybe he does address this at some point, but from the clips I've seen it seems very generalized and implies some level of racism when WWII soldiers in fact included a lot of racially diverse people. IDK, i think if you're a supposed historical researcher and you're making a video about WWII and you don't know about groups like the Tuskegee Airmen or the Navajo Code Talkers, that's on you. I don't want to discount some of the really horrible shit that American (and obviously other countries) soldier's did in the war and how many of them held disgusting views (even my grandpa who I love dearly was not the most politically correct person to put it lightly) but Jame's claims are not criticizing any real ideology or the consequences of them, they're oversimplifying complex and harmful historical ideas and attributing them to something he pretty much made up. I'll also give you a little hint about something. When people fall into Nazi ideology, it's because they ultimately agree with the ideology, not for some surface level aesthetic reason of "fitness" or whatever. They are antisemitic, they are racist, they are eugenicists, plain and simple. They don't just think the Nazis are cool except for all their beliefs. I also think (and again I could be missing a part of the video here) the hyper focus on the Germans and the Soviets and not mentioning Italy is at the very least an oversight too. Mussolini, like Hitler and Stalin, had a pretty big campaign of promoting an ideal strong race which he tied to ancient Romans. Like this was also a country controlled by a fascist dictator that American soldiers fought in idk it just seems weird to me to leave it out. (okay edit i looked up the transcript and he does talk about Italian fascism a little bit but only about how Mussolini rose to power, nothing about his ideologies or anything really related to the main topic of body image).

And one more thing on that note that bothered me a lot. I think his claims about HIV/AIDS is probably the most well-known here on tumblr and has been pretty thoroughly destroyed by this point, but I do just want to say one more thing about it which is that AIDS isn't gone! I feel like they way he talks about it from what I've seen of this video makes HIV/AIDS sound like a problem of the past now that we have drugs for it, but that is just not the truth. There are still tens of thousands of new infections in the US each year and way more globally and yes, people do still die from it. I just don't like when people talk about AIDS as if it's this problem of the distant past, a separate era that people went through in the 80s rather than an ongoing epidemic that still does not have a cure. Safer sex, clean needle usage, and getting tested are just as important now as they were in the 80s and 90s and don't forget that.

[vampyrekat]

cant believe i forgot about maleficent and her emo boytoy omg thank you for cleansing the timeline🫶

I am so pleased to bless the timeline with a fine vintage ship, come join me in savoring it. I checked out the novelization on a whim (commuting) and I was like, oh right! I forgot this movie and specifically this ship was made in a lab for my brain. So now I've rewatched the film and I'm lost in the sauce.

I love that Maleficent/Diaval is the story of two people accidentally raising a baby into a teenager together and the whole time Maleficent is oblivious (not her fault! she has bigger things going on!) while Diaval is like "that's my wife, she's terrifying. i love her. <3" Even when Aurora meets them properly as a 15 year old, Maleficent is Going Through It™ while Diaval is just so hype to finally introduce himself to his child.

Pictured above: moments that really did a number on me. He raised this kid and now he gets to finally meet her properly and they're both so delighted by it while Maleficent watches from the corner like }:-(

I really feel like the most beautiful and unique part of it is the genuine backtalk; Diaval might start out subservient and he certainly maintains that position but as time goes on he proves himself perfectly willing to correct or backtalk Maleficent. He basically functions as a reminder of her heart and moral compass while she is recovering from her hurt (and subsequent revenge bender) and it's delightful to watch because you rarely see a position where a male character is so open and honest while the woman gets to have the delicious redemption arc. Maleficent is going through an enemies-to-godfamily relationship arc with Aurora while Diaval is patiently waiting for her to realize he's got heart eyes (AND for her to realize she does actually love Aurora, that's another great element, he realizes this LONG before Maleficent does and tries to gently nudge her over to that revelation). But also this:

He really said "I am just pretending to be afraid of you; I know you won't hurt me even if you push me around" and he was right. What a lovely thing to be playing out as the B or maybe C-plot. There's enough insane drama happening, it's nice that there's something a little lighter and more steady in the background of the story.

Another thing I was musing on through the book and film -- as much as I adore found family and platonic love, it's nice to see a story where a victim of what is clearly coded as sexual assault and is at least intimate partner violence finds love again. I know Maleficent & Diaval isn't technically 'canon', but again, the film was juggling enough relationship arcs with Maleficent & Aurora and Maleficent & Stefan. It's okay, in my eyes, for the romance element to be subtext, when it's clearly still important and given some narrative space and weight.

I had a more coherent thought but finally found a gif of just this moment (thank you, @raainstorms, you spoil us all) so instead you get this. I love it. Maleficent really said "go defend our kid who I haven't realized yet is our kid" and Diaval said "understood". Never proposed but nevertheless they've been married for years.

"Who fell first vs. who fell harder" is defunct. "Which one is the evil minion who adopted the baby on sight and who is the Evil Empress who had to slowly realize they love the baby" is the vintage yardstick everything else has to measure up to. I will read 100,000 fanfics of Maleficent only belatedly realizing that somewhere in the process of acquiring her goddaughter she also acquired a husband. Maybe she acquired the husband first, she certainly does not know. Diaval understands this and is okay with it, Aurora probably doesn't understand in the slightest how her godmother did not pick up on anything.

And the sequel! I realized after reading some other posts that I did NOT remember the sequel correctly because my memories are "fairy genocide and also Diaval and Maleficent are co-parenting". Apparently somewhere in there Maleficent is shoved into a love triangle with two men who are not her long-term boytoy/coparent/external moral compass, which is ridiculous, because the film ends with them attending their daughter's wedding in matching outfits.

If Maleficent 3 (boo hiss at Disney, make something new, cowards) isn't about Aurora parent trapping them I am going to riot in the street.

TL;DR: My roommate described maleval as this post and I have not been able to shake it from my mind because it really, really fits:

[hishighnesstheprincess]

Okay massive ramble about Sonic code-switching with all of his friends in Frontiers because. It makes me big emotional. Under cut because it's a decently sized one

With each of his friends in Frontiers (Amy, Knuckles, and Tails in that order) Sonic presents a different version of himself, specifically the version that he thinks they need to see at that moment. Code-switching, at least with how it's used in psychology, is defined as when someone, subconsciously or consciously, adjusts their language, behavior, appearance, or any combination of those for whatever reason when talking with different people/groups of people. This can be as obvious as changing languages if you have different friend groups that speak different languages, or as subtle as changing one word when trying to relay the exact same idea to someone. In Frontiers I think Sonic demonstrates this behavior specifically with how he presents different sides of himself to his friends.

With Amy, before she gets out he is very openly worried about her and the situation they're all in, but as soon as she's out he starts presenting himself in a slightly calmer, more compassionate, more heroic way. He's trying to live up to the ideal of him Amy needs to see in that moment: the hero who will never stop trying to save everyone and can't be defeated.

With Knuckles, he's obviously much snarkier and more "free spirited" or so, but he still doesn't show how much he's worried or what his actual emotions are. Any emotional talk they have is instead focused on Knuckles and his emotions and what he wants to do in his future. I think he's presenting himself in a very snarky way because of Knuckles sees him caring a decent amount but not too much, and not showing a whole ton of worry, he's going to think the situation is serious but not as dire as it actually is. He's also trying to stop Knuckles from worrying.

With Tails there's the clearest example of it imo. He's the cool older brother who's always going to save the day. He deliberately hides the worst symptoms of cyber corruption from Tails and again, all their talks are focused on Tails and his future and emotions and all that. Sonic never focuses on himself in this game, it's all about other people. He's always encouraging Tails and trying to help him even in moments where, let's face it, Sonic could probably use some emotional support as well.

He's fucking code switching between his friends to both comfort them, stop them from worrying about a situation which they have very very little power over, and also to stop them from worrying about him.

Also, interestingly, he slowly gets less genuine as the game goes on. With Amy he openly shows worry about the situation to some extent even while deflecting from his own problems, with Knuckles he's fairly obviously putting on a snarky face but still isn't actively hiding anything from him, but with Tails he deliberately hides his own weakness both in conversation and when it comes to the very obvious cyber corruption.

This is all pretty upsetting but imo the worst part about it (emotionally speaking, writing wise this is all the good shit™) is that none of them ever see him at his worst and as such don't realize that he's been putting on a facade for them essentially. Only Sage sees him trying to struggle through the worst of cyber corruption, at that point basically knowing that freeing his friends will lead to himself being trapped in cyberspace. Personally I'd love to see a game in the future (Frontiers 2 please please please Sega) where this gets expanded upon more.

Additionally, there is at least one moment with each of his friends where he slips up in how he present himself: with Amy he shows frustration with the koco leading to her getting angry with him, with Knuckles he shows worry for Tails leading to Knuckles giving him a confused look, and with Tails he is unable to hide the effects of cyber corruption, leading to Tails getting extremely worried about him. But in each case he brushes their emotions off, slaps whatever face he has at the time back on, and just keeps going.

Anyway, that's the post. I would have slapped pictures in here but I am lazy and just relying on the fact that I have a borderline encyclopedic knowledge of basically every Sonic thing that I have consumed in full at this point. The autism is strong with this one

[zahri-melitor]

Reading Digger Harkness as an Aussie: why he’s specifically written to wind me up, the undercurrents of many of his appearances, and why he’s voting No in the Voice referendum.

(Okay if you know ANYTHING about Digger and about the Voice you already knew that, but making this current-relevant!)

George “Digger” Harkness is Captain Boomerang. He’s traditionally written by DC to be specifically, deliberately annoying and disliked. Due to this he’s simultaneously quite cleverly written while also being the laziest character stereotype imaginable.

One of the things that drives me up the wall every time I read him in a book is that due to a clash of a few things in his character design, the subtext he’s evolved over time is remarkably complex, but also geared to make me despise him. Also I can’t tell how much of it is deliberate on the writer’s part.

The first thing you need to understand is that Harkness is very specifically putting on a level of Australianness for his audience (the usually American characters around him). The fascinating thing in this is that, unusually for this trope, his writers are often aware he’s doing this. The common term for this is ‘ocker’. You can notice this in the language he uses: it’s specifically peppered with ‘Australian’ words and phrases.

Now this is a pretty common thing for writers to do to demonstrate a character is Australian. It sounds like someone trying to write Crocodile Dundee or Steve Irwin. However, to my ear (and years of putting up with this), the way it’s done for Digger is…off. It’s not the standard terrible way it’s used in American media, but it’s equally not written naturally for how an Australian who natively speaks ocker/broad would use it. Digger’s playing it up, and he’s playing it up badly. (the closest comparison I can make than an Australian might understand is he sounds more like Russell Coight than Steve Irwin, with all that implies) He wants people to think he’s an Australian stereotype.

Heck, let’s break down his name for a demonstration of this.

Captain Boomerang: this is a very, very, loaded name. Digger’s specifically racist, and he’s racist in a very White Australia Policy sort of way. The writers are aware he’s racist. He uses a boomerang as a symbol as he’s Australian (surface level) but they’re also specifically drawn as white a lot of the time, both in his costume and in the weapons themselves. They’re not plain wood or decorated with traditional art. They’re white. He has a history of making boomerangs and promoting them in Australia for sale, as a white guy, which is uhhhh Not Great. He’s assumed a traditional piece of Australian Aboriginal weaponry and culture as his own, and he’s painted it white. He’s asserting that it’s his culture now and has stripped it of its traditional meaning. (Also his boomerangs often don’t come back, and have sharpened edges and are used wrongly). He doesn’t like Black People ™ but also uses a weapon specifically associated with an oppressed minority in his place of origin. The white supremacy attitude is very much coded in.

“Digger” as a nickname: oh the way this clashes and interacts with the fact he uses ‘Captain’ as a title! Digger as a term is a general nickname for Australian Army soldiers. It comes from the Gallipoli landings and the trenches of World War I. By using it as his nickname, Harkness is evoking a whole HOST of imagery and specifically nationalist cultural imagery surrounding Gallipoli as a ‘birthplace’ of Australian identity, something that’s been weaponised particularly by the Australian political right for the past 30 years as a national symbol. In the stories that a country tells itself about who they are, Harkness is evoking a very major one and also one that can read as quite toxic if not done carefully. (if you need a quick entry to the way the nickname makes me wince, look up ‘Cronulla Riots’. That’s the sort of person his name is evoking for me) The other problem on top of this – this is a soldier’s nickname. Harkness has never been in the Australian military (as far as I can tell). Combined with the fact he uses the title of ‘Captain’, he’s suggesting he’s got a military background that he 100% does not have. He’s a giant hypocrite. Now being part of the military in Australia reads differently to being part of the military in the USA, in how society sees it, but this is still not on. It’s not a natural nickname for an Australian to have, in his circumstances. It doesn’t even make sense as a traditional ironic nickname given by his friends. Which means he picked it himself. And for that style of nickname…choosing your own? That’s considered to be poor form and trying way too hard. (And nicknames are culturally important! For the personality Harkness is trying to present to his audience, he SHOULD have a nickname like this. My father’s is ‘Bones’, for instance. But choosing your own, and choosing one that implies traits that are not yours to display? Really really bad form)

Basically in summary, Harkness is very much coded in a lot of ways to essentially be the Australian equivalent of someone who stormed the Capitol on January 6, 2021. With that sort of view of his home country.

What is fascinating is that when Harkness interacts with other Australian characters, they do not like him, so the writers are aware that he’s been written to be this level of objectionable.

Now, some of this coding in his character has just accumulated over 60+ years as stereotypes have evolved and things have become ever more socially unacceptable. But the interesting thing here is that the writers ACKNOWLEDGE that unacceptable behaviour from Harkness.

I hate him so much. And I also want to fix his dialogue, which suffers from being written by Americans, to include a bunch more extremely country ocker sayings. He NEEDS to be saying things like “stone the flaming crows” and “fair shake of the sauce bottle” and “flat out like a lizard drinking” and “I didn’t come here to fuck spiders”. Because he’s putting it on. And these are the sort of things he’d lean in to to convey that level of “oh I’m not from around here, I am quoting Crocodile Dundee at you but you didn’t even realise” that he’s written to have.

[biggie-chcese]

rain code age headcanons because i have literally only ever been choosing ages based on what's funniest but now i wanna cast away my grand layers of irony and be genuine for a moment. also. this goes pretty in depth so be prepped for the long haul when you click read more lmao.

spoilers for the whole game below and it's because of one specific character iykyk

Yakou - this man has the soul of a guy in his late 40s going through what would be his midlife crisis if not for the fact that he's fully aware he passed the midpoint years ago. but that soul is trapped in the body of a guy who doesnt look a day older than 28. what moisturizer does he use? i doubt he even uses anything other than that 13 in 1 shampoo. anyway, i think he's 32.

Halara - 26. nothing really to justify this other than they've got that mid 20s swag but 25 didn't feel right. adult enough to be as competent as they are yet young enough to look like that. moving on.

Desuhiko - 19. i think he's the youngest of the NDA because. well. idk man have you read his dialogue? he's got a whole lot of growing to do and is still very lost on his direction in life. he's giving 'bitch fresh outta high school (or in this case, detective training) and relishing in his freshly obtained freedom."

Vivia - 28? yeah i got nothing for this i am going purely on vibes here. 28 just feels right.

Fubuki - 23. she's clearly still a bit young but is also clearly a grown ass adult who wasn't raised right so i think this makes for a happy medium, especially if she's already been on some worldwide adventures n shit before the game. works out quite swimmingly methinks.

Kurumi - 18. for my personal comfort bc we'll get to yuma later but im not gonna sit here and ignore the way the game constantly grovels at the audience's feet to ship them so id rather she not be any younger than this. anyway, more about her: she tends to hold her own as an informant with more competence, maturity, and effecience than most of the NDA. but she also has a pretty childish black and white view on things, like believing her beloved detectives are always right (girl if you were real you would be ENTRENCHED in stan culture oml do NOT get into minecraft youtubers) but i've... seen 18 year olds on the internet that are exactly the same so whatever

Aetheria girls - putting them all at 17-18 because, based on honorifics, they are treated as upperclassmen by their peers in the Japanese dub. i think waruna is the youngest and kurane is the eldest.

Yomi - 25. he has that vibe. old enough to be taken seriously as an adult but young enough to act like That™. yknow?

Martina - 32. she's giving older woman sexy librarian vibes and generally carries herself with a certain level of poise and maturity but is also a freak in a way that can best be explained by being a woman in her 30s. not elaborating on this

Swank - 41. to me he's like those awful surly businessmen who go to cabaret clubs to drink and smoke their office job woes away and cheat on their wives. but he also has extreme mafia boss swag about it so i kinda love him for that. dunno what this has to do with age tho. moving on.

Seth - 22 because he's giving youngest brother. i think he's the youngest of the peacekeepers in general. guillaume definitely bullies him about this.

Dominic - 34. bro is built like a jojo character what else do you want me to say. he's still got that youthfulness about him that makes me think he's still not going through his midlife crisis, so i wouldn't place him any older

Guillaume - 23. guillaume is so girlypop manic pixie dream girl core that she's definitely got the energy of someone who is young but also strikes the balance of being someone who has a job and a mortgage. dunno how she does it. id like to think she isnt even much older than seth but still bullies him for being the baby of the peacekeepers. do u understand my vision. please. they have so much annoying coworker potential.

shinigami - idk like 1000. she's a death god who cares.

yuma - okay. yeah. look i dont give a singular fuck about age discourse- headcanon whatever you want- but from looking at canon material i genuinely think that he could not possibly be any younger than 21. 20 if we wanna push it. yes, i know he looks young. i have eyes. but also, im in my 20s and the most common thing people tell me when i reveal my age is "oh, i thought you were 15." one time a person asked me if i was 12. at my job. that i was actively working at. i was 20. adults can look young, and contrary to the classic 1000 year old loli dragon trope he doesnt act overtly childish. he acts like a normal fuckin guy. yes he cries but like. you wouldn't in his position? bro speedruns lifelong trauma so skillfully that he's backwards long jumping into alternate universes where everything is somehow worse. i'd be freaked out if he didn't cry. also im aware that the child prodigy detective trope is a thing and that kodaka has written that before but... he was number one three years ago. and the training takes two years. which means, if he is a minor in the game's present day, he started working at the WDO at 12 and became number one at 14... at the oldest. have you ever met a 14 year old? forgive me for not suspending my disbelief here. and really the kicker for me is that yuma has a line where he says he's not sure if he's drinking age (which would be 20 in japan), but you know who would be sure? you know who knows yuma's age better than yuma?

makoto kagutsuchi - this megacorporation CEO has a fully stocked minibar installed in his penthouse. <- sentence i cannot bring myself to believe if it's about a child. since i also cant picture him becoming CEO at age 14 without yomi at least once angrily pointing that out (he only ever mentions that makoto is an outsider, or has his head in the clouds), id like to think both him and yuma, at their youngest, earned their top spots at their respective organizations at 18. it keeps their gifted kid syndrome and young prodigy-ness without making things comically ridiculous or uncomfortable for the sheer amount of sexual situations yuma gets put into.

anyway that's my silly little ramble on age headcanons. this was actually really fun to think about. shoutout to kodaka for leaving out the ages. funniest choice he could've made

[zephyra-in-the-house]

Helloo! I wanted to say that I loved second chances sm, when I found a random chapter last year I read the entire fic in a couple days bc I had to know what happened next, then reread it every now and then while waiting for the updates

I like how we can see both sides of the coin with shadowpeach, how they both care but are still struggling for different yet similar reasons, their struggle with what they went through, dealing with each other's personality traits and habits(their own too) that are still hard to let go of, the glimpses of the consequences of the punishments and their backstory in general

And maybe it's a me thing, but I feel like your Wukong acts like he's a bit aro spec, maybe demi aromantic, and I love that he does, especially while still explicitly loving(and like longing for?) Mac sm

I got that feeling after rereading one of the conversations shadowpeach had in the kitchen when Wukong said something about just wanting to be near Mac, and having him as his best friend was so great kinda like there couldn't possibly be anything better

I know it's probably to show how he grew up, or his personality, and that he's dense (specifically when it comes to reading Mac's feelings towards him) but I feel that just adds to the similarities with the aro experience bc there's a side of the aro community that is blind to more romantic stuff, and romantic-coded gestures or more intimate closeness is just closeness all the same

And your Wukong gives me the impression that he just wanted Mac to be close to him, didn't matter what kind of close, and that he holds the title of "best friend" as a really special thing. Be it BECAUSE of Mac, or maybe since before becoming friends with him, like not just anybody would be his best friend (Also it was maybe to show his trust issues, but still)

I think Wukong said somewhere that he just wanted Mac to be happy to be around him, as happy as SWK was to be around Mac. And I know his inability to put his feelings(love) into words more than referring to a strong or special friendship is probably to show that he's not good with Feelings™, but I like to think that maybe he is enamored in the way a queer platonic love would feel like, so calling it a strong or special friendship kinda does cut it to some degree I think

Also the way Mei (everyone really, but she's more expressive about it, and we see her more than other characters) sees Wukong as a hopeless case, but I think Wukong would see Mac loving him strongly in any way as the best thing ever, as long as it's strong love, he wouldn't mind, love is love, like he just wants to be as special to Mac as Mac is to him

Also I'd love to see them be together even if they don't have the same kind of love for each other, bc the love they have for each other would still be just as strong, and would let them have just as strong of a bond, (in the future, as things are going I have hope, I do hope they end up together in this universe, even if nothing of what I'm saying fits them by the end)

I mean no disrespect to your original idea, or if that's not what u intended, I tried looking through your blog and I haven't found any mention of something similar or headcanons about it

But yeah, idk if u mind ppl putting headcanons on your stories? Some ppl do mind, so idk I just wanted to say that regardless of that hc of mine, I think how you write them is so cool and interesting, and I find that about Wukong really cool even if it's not really where the story is heading and it's been really fun to reread

Also sorry for the weird english, it's not my first language ^^'

First things first:

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

I absolutely love in depth analysis like this it's so interesting to read and to hear what people think of my story. I 100% love writing this story specifically because it demonstrates how these two are completely different and yet eerily similar people who are just struggling to reconnect with other people despite them both having their flaws and traumatic experiences. It's really fun to write and explore and I absolutely love everything that you said here about it~

Duuude!! I fuckin looooveeee that headcanon! Holy shit that's so awesome! Honestly, I didn't even realize I was writing Wukong that way but now that it's been pointed out I can totally see it!

As someone who is kind of on the ace spectrum, I think I may have just subconsciously made it that way. Just like every other author I know, I have a habit of adding my own traumas/ideologies to my stories so I really shouldn't be too surprised LOL

But don't worry! I don't mind people making headcanons about my story~ In fact, that's my favorite part of writing is seeing how people interpret the story and seeing how they formulate it into drawings or headcanons like this! It's so cool!

Initially, my intention was to write Wukong as being oblivious/in denial about his own feelings and in general just bad with feelings. However, I really love your idea too! It's definitely one of those things where Wukong is just happy to be around Macaque. Macaque is "his person", the one he feels happy and comfortable around, the one he feels he can be open and honest around... and yeah I just realized how much that sounds like the beginnings of a queer platonic relationship LMAO

In any case!

I absolutely love your analysis and I 100% agree that Wukong would be okay with Macaque loving him in any way, shape, or form so long as Macaque feels as safe and comfortable and happy as Wukong himself feels when they're together. ❤❤

Thank you for reading!

[hoodharlow]

Stop Playing Games

AN: just some domestic Jack and Miriam for y'all. and ty to ezra for giving me a rundown on what pilates are <3

Requested? No

Warnings: smut and Jack being a silly goose

Word Count:

More often than not, Jack would forget that Miriam got distracted easily. They both had the day off and Jack had left to run a quick errand with Urban. He was going to be gone for at least two hours, giving Miriam enough time for her to get ready for her pilates class that he was joining as well. He even had time to get her Jamba Juice. And yet, he found her sitting on the of her guest room-turned-closet with a stack of shoe boxes.

“Bro, why aren’t you ready,” he said, placing her smoothie on the glass coffee table.

“I can’t decide on shoes.” Miriam sniffled, wiping her tears with the front of Jack's t-shirt.

"Just wear some black ones?" He suggested, unsure. 

"It's not that simple!" She kicked some shoe boxes out of the way and cried into her hands. 

Jack sat next to her and opened his arms to her. Miriam climbed to his lap and cried into his chest. He didn't know why she was upset, but he knew it wasn't because of the shoes. He wondered if it was because she wasn't getting enough sleep. The past few weeks she had night shoots back to back. From their nightly facetime calls Jack knew some scenes weren't coming out right since the weather was fluctuating a lot. He rubbed her back comfortingly. 

A minute or so passed and Miriam relaxed. She pulled away and sat in front of him, facing him. 

"Sorry, I've been so overwhelmed." She apologized, embarrassed that Jack witnessed her having a tantrum. "I'm kinda bummed that Claudia canceled on me, but I didn't want to tell her because I knew she hadn't seen Cal in weeks. Then there's this whole bit with the forest scene that apparently me and Rudy can't get right and the director is on our ass about it…I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for expressing your feelings." He said, softly. "I rather you cry than keep your shit bottled up."

"Thanks," she smiled, defeatedly. 

"You good? Or do you need another minute?" He asked her.

"I'm good." She nodded, getting up. 

She bent down to grab her smoothie. Miriam hummed contently, sipping a third of her 'Apple N Greens' smoothie. She scanned her closet, her eyes landing on a pair of Off-White™×Nike Blazers. She went to the shelf and grabbed them. She lined up all her other shoe boxes. 

"Okay let's go." She said as she tied her sneakers.

Jack nodded and stepped out of the closet. He watched Miriam lock the door and put on the code that double locked it. He was positive everything in that room was worth double, if not triple, his net worth. He followed behind her as she grabbed the keys to her 1970s Bronco that her grandfather restored for her sixteenth birthday. She handed the keys to Jack so he could get the car while she set the TV up for Daisy so she wouldn't feel lonely. Daisy loved watching Bluey because it reminded her cousin Panchito, Danny and Mede's dog. Miriam also filled her bowls with food and water and she unlocked her doggy door so she could go out in the yard to potty.

Jack was waiting for her in the driveway when she stepped out. He got out and opened the door for her. With that they were on their way. 

The pilates studio wasn’t that far from Miriam’s place. Miriam liked going there because it was a pretty relaxed environment and the instructors were kind. The only bad thing about it was that it was located in a pretty busy street where paparazzi were known to be posted. Jack parked in front of the studio and helped Miriam out. They quickly slipped in the studio before the paparazzi noticed them. 

The receptionist greeted Miriam and got up from her station to walk them to the private room. Jack looked around the room, specifically the row of machines.

“What’s this? You didn’t tell me this was some kinky shit,” He nudged her, wiggling his eyebrows.

“It’s the reformer. We use it in pilates sometimes.” Miriam explained, removing her t-shirt and shoving it into her workout bag. She tugged the drawstrings and quirked an eyebrow at Jack, who looked even more confused. “What?” 

“What’s pilates again?” he asked, unsure because this whole time he thought pilates was a mix of jazzercise and zumba.

“It’s a low impact workout that focuses on toning and improving posture.” the instructor answered him when they walked in the room. They were shorter than Miriam and looked somewhere between their late twenties or early thirties. “Hi, I’m Rayna, your instructor.”

“Hi,” Miriam greeted them. “So this is my boyfriend's first time doing this and I was hoping we would go easy on him.”

“Don’t use me as an excuse. If you want Rayna to go easy just say that.” Jack said, not wanting to seem like he couldn’t handle a simple class. 

“Fine.” she said, giving the instructor a look to go easy on him.

The instructor motioned them to the machines in front of them.“Alright let’s begin.”

*

Every so often Miriam had to turn back to make sure Jack was behind her. She knew the workout did a number on him. Even if he won’t admit it. 

They were currently at a Mexican grocery store in Long Beach. Miriam was in the mood to have some carnitas, cueritos, and chicharrones with nopales and frijoles de la olla for dinner. She also got some potato wedges and ensalada de coditos, Mexican macaroni salad, for Jack. She pushed the cart to the bread section and grabbed some bolillos and pan dulce. While Miriam was at it, she grabbed some produce and other groceries she needed. Jack trailed behind her, putting some of his new favorite snacks that Miriam put him on in the cart when she wasn’t looking. They made their way to the line. 

Miriam frowned looking at a box of Gansitos that she didn’t put in the cart. She looked at Jack but he was on his phone leaning against the conveyor belt. He went to the front area and bagged their groceries. Before Miriam could get her card out, Jack inserted his card in the card reader. He nudged her towards the unbagged groceries with his hip. She gave him a dirty look and finished bagging. She pushed the cart out to the parking lot to where they parked. 

Jack put their groceries in the trunk then opened the driver’s door for Miriam. She was the one who drove to Long Beach since she knew the area better than him. When she got on I-710, she felt Jack’s hand reach for hers. 

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and placed it on his thigh. Miriam gave him a look and pulled her hand away to change gears. Her car was a manual, and she hated driving as is. The last thing she needed was Jack distracting her in the middle of the highway.

“I see how it is.” Jack nodded, wiping fake tears. He scrolled through his phone and seconds later ‘Marvin’s Room’ started playing. 

Miriam glanced at him and he was already looking the other way with his arms crossed. She reached over to squeeze one of his pecs like he does with her breasts when he annoyed her. 

“Miriam, stop.” he said in a squeaky voice, mimicking her when he would play with her nipples.

“You’re so annoying, I’m not gonna let you hit it tonight.” she said, merging lanes. 

“Whatever.” he shrugged. 

Miriam rolled her eyes. They arrived home almost an hour later and Jack was still pretending to give her the cold shoulder. Though he helped her carry the groceries to the kitchen and put away whatever went in the tall shelves Miriam couldn’t reach. Then she got started on prepping the nopales. She liked cubing them and adding them into a pico de gallo. She thought that would balance out the greasiness from the carnitas and cueritos. 

He went to the living room and sat next to Daisy, who cuddled up next to him. They continued watching Bluey when Miriam’s laughter filled the house. Jack turned back to the kitchen and couldn't see her. He got up from the couch and found her on the ground holding her side from laughing too hard. 

“Bro, you good?” he asked her. 

“I spilled the beans.” she said in between laughs. 

Jack looked over to the counter where Miriam set up a crockpot with beans early in the morning. There were a few beans scattered next to the crockpot. He looked back to her confused. 

“Okay?” he said, unsure how to respond.

“Get it…I spilled the beans…” she said before laughing once more. She sat up when she noticed Jack wasn’t laughing. “Do you not get it?” 

“No really.” he said. 

“You know the saying? ‘I spilled the beans’, it usually applies to someone revealing something that they shouldn't have, but I did it literally.” 

“Oh, hahaha, that’s funny.” Jack said sarcastically.

“You don’t have to be sarcastic about it. You could’ve said it wasn’t that funny.” she frowned, crossing her arms. 

Jack pulled them apart and wrapped them around his waist. “It wasn’t that funny, but it’s fine. I’m the funny one in the relationship and you’re the one with the great ass.”

*

Miriam was drying her curls with her diffuser and snacking on some fried pork belly when Jack walked in to watch her. 

“Can I help you?” she asked him, flipping her hair to the side. 

“Do you have Brandy’s number?” he asked her. 

“I have her work number and she only answers it when she’s on set.” Miriam said. She turned off her hair dryer. “Why do you need it?”

“You know how I’m performing at the BET awards? I was hoping to ask her if she wanted to join me on stage. People still think that she’s stirring up drama for the radio thing. That way people can chill about it. I would dm her, but this is something I should call to ask her.” 

“You better bring it because back in 2019 I went and I was very entertained.” she said.

"You were at those BET awards?" Jack asked Miriam.

"Yeah, Kaleob was nominated for the athlete award, and he needed me for arm candy." She rolled her eyes sarcastically. She reached for a piece of chicharron, fried pork belly, and chewed thoughtfully. "At the red carpet there was a white guy wearing the ugliest outfit I've ever seen. The pieces by themselves were cool but together…it was a mess."

Jack pulled up his phone and searched up images of himself, knowing well she was talking about him. "This guy?" 

Miriam leaned into him to see the picture, ready to go in detail about how atrocious the look was when she realized it was him. She looked at him and smiled innocently. "You know fashion is so selective. It's unique-" 

"Yeah, yeah, smartass." He said amused. "Also I think you meant subjective, not selective." 

“I’ll ask my mom to ask Brandy if you can have her number.” Miriam said, grabbing another chicharron. 

“Why would your mom have her number?” he asked. 

“Bro they go way back.” she said, covering her mouth to chew. “My mom was a guest star on Moesha and they starred in a coming of age movie back in the 90s.”

“No way!” he said, surprised. 

“We watched the movie and you compared me to my mom because we looked identical to you.” 

“That’s what I say with everything that your mom is in.” 

Miriam gave him a look and went back to drying her curls. Jack went back to her bedroom. She finished drying her hair and cleaned her area. She unplugged her dryer so it could cool and took off her shorts, staying in the cropped navy blue long sleeve and its matching panties. She was rolling up the cable to her dryer now that it cooled down when Jack started to sing. 

“‘Your pussy is calling my name, so come on, baby, let's stop playing games.’” he sang loudly. 

“You should be the one to stop playing games because you know damn well it’s not calling your name.” Miriam yelled back. 

Jack came into the bathroom a minute later. “Don’t fucking lie.” 

“I’m not.” she bent down and cupped herself like she was gonna listen through a wall. “I don’t hear shit.”

“So you’re telling me if I touch your pussy, I’m not gonna feel you aroused.” he said, running his hand over her bare thigh. 

Miriam shook her head and lifted her long sleeve, to reveal her breasts to him. “But if you look at my tits, you'll see that I am.” 

“Mhm,” he hummed, interested, before turning to go back to her bedroom. 

Miriam tugged down her top and grabbed the chicharrones she was snacking on and went downstairs to put them away. When she came back to her room, Jack was on his side of the bed, scrolling on his phone. She laid next to him and waited for him to acknowledge her, but he didn’t. She frowned and rolled to her side, giving him her back. She mindlessly tapped through IG stories pausing to watch Jack’s. She had her earphones connected and at the end of his story she heard herself then Jack looked at the camera like he was Greg from Abbott Elementary. She rewatched his story, screenshotting a specific part where it looked like he was orgasming. She scrolled through her pictures until she found the one she was looking for.

It was one of her, in the same top she currently wore, and of Jack. She had her arms around him while he took the picture. They took the picture a few weeks back when they were at a restaurant that had a wall mirror by their table. She ticked it and the picture she screenshotted, adding them to an instagram post. She took off her earphones and connected her charger to her phone. 

“I fucking knew it.” Jack said as he read her caption, adding his comment that he knew would get him yelled at. He placed his phone on the nightstand and looked over to her, smirking. “But I think I have to check it out myself to make sure it is.” 

“Yeah?” she asked him. 

Jack nodded and got on top of her. They kissed slowly, taking their time. He cradled her head with his large hand and sloppily kissed down her neck. He licked part of her cleavage that was peeking through her top. He bit the top of her and with one hand he ripped her top open. 

“Are you for real?” she asked him in shock. 

“It was in my way.” he mumbled, burying his face in her breasts. 

“You’re lucky it’s from American Eagle, I still haven’t– fuck, Jack.” she whimpered as he ran his tongue over her nipple.  

He kissed down her body, removing her panties with a swift movement. Jack settled between her thighs and placed her thighs on his shoulders. He peppered kisses all over her thighs then dipped his head in between her thighs.

He placed more soft kisses on the insides of her thighs, nipping them as he got closer to her dripping core. She squirmed and let out an inaudible gasp of pleasure when Jack licked her. She tried closing her legs, but Jack's grip on them kept her in place. He moaned at her taste and savored her, taking his time with his tongue. He pushed one of her legs to her chest, giving him better access to her as he sucked her clit.

He inserted another while he pressed his thumb on her clit. Miriam felt something build up in her. She felt pleasantly overwhelmed with Jack's fingers and tongue. Jack felt it too. He sped up his fingers and circled his thumb on her clit roughly.

He lapped up her release and pushed himself up to kiss lips. 

“Time out, I need to shower.” he gave her a chaste kiss and got up from the bed. 

“Bro,” Miriam laughed, baffled. 

“I need to or imma bust before I put it in.” he said, making his way to the bathroom. 

Miriam scoffed and tugged the bed sheet over herself. She sat up and propped some pillows up so she could lean against them. She grabbed her phone, deciding to read through the comments from her post. She read Jack’s and rolled her eyes, replying back. 

@'mdm: okay maybe it was calling his name

@'giahunter: not you posting the white boy

@'saintclauds: pause, you y el güerro are kinda cute

@'isabellagomez: that should be ME

@'jackharlow: more like it was sCREAMING my name

->@'mdm: i can't stand you 😒

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[prismatoxic]

returning to my roots...

laios is a herding dog; i was specifically envisioning a belgian malinois. chilchuck is an alley cat (maybe specifically an abyssian, but he's one of The People first and foremost)

am i going to draw parallels between half-foots and cats? or are half-foots still a thing but they're just also furries? i don't know. i have other AUs to be thinking about rn. but i do think chil makes a good kibby

laios of course is so deeply dog-coded that it's hard to avoid, but as a Dog Guy™ i had to pick a breed that made sense to me. malinois are full of potential and also kind of, uh, insane. laios for sure is a herding breed to me either way; that mix of extremely driven and "needs purpose" that tends to run through them all. i think giving him the Eye would be super fitting but i really cannot imagine him as any kind of collie. c'est la vie

[hughlauriebf]

this was unprompted but sharing my rodent md idea

house: fancy rat (specifically blue)

obvious choice for him, he is rat-coded.

wilson: degu (can't decided between agouti or patched)

he's a very round-shaped man to me so he should get a round-shaped animal.

cuddy: chinchilla (specifically brown velvet)

they just remind me of her.

now the ducklings:

cameron: norwegian lemming

she's very tundra animal to me.

foreman: cape porcupine

they're friend shaped and so is foreman.

chase: western chestnut mouse

it looks pathetic and wet, much like chase.

thirteen: gerbil (specifically grey, pied)

trust me, she's like one.

taub: eastern chipmunk

he just reminds me of them.

kutner: black giant squirrel

he gives me squirrel vibes and the coat pattern also looks similar to the animal i usually fancast kutner as.

park: harvest mouse

small™ (and they're always in situations)

[moonlight-tmd]

AIGHT, INFO DUMP TIME-

This is a list of ideas/headcanons of the tfa fandom that crossed my mind, piled into one giant mess. Enjoy.

those are things that i consider canon in my works. (outside of AUs)

PLEASE READ- THE LIST KEEPS BEING UPDATED.

1. Bee has a golden voice when singing, he’s anxious about it tho. [the whole headcanon explained] After some time and events this scenario happens and Bee gets more comfortable around others.

2. Bee is basically a stuntman when skating. Casual or on battlefield, his actions are purely impulsive. Sometimes he’s lucky and pulls off that sick move... sometimes he ends up in medbay for many long hours. Here’s an example.

3. Bee is a good actor, he can lie on the spot and get away with it... most of the time. He’s also good at hiding his emotions. Fake it till you make it... or at least before Prowl comes knocking at your door.

4. Bee has 3 modes; Chaotic/Feral Gremlin, Kind Child and on rare occasion; Lazy Ferret. When he dates someone, there comes a 4th one; Lovestruck Idiot.

5. Bee is the early bird and wakes up way before the rest of the Autobots. He’s made a little routine of making the morning oil for the rest of the team. It’s the only thing he can “cook” really.

6. Sari keeps the weird healing powers the key had when she upgrades herself. Ratchet helps her figure it out and teaches her cybertronian first aid.

7. Rachet knows human curses and will use them when things are going down.

8. Sari and Bee are the young sibblings™. Prowl plays the role of the babysitter, keeping those two out of trouble.

9. Bee often vents to Prowl about topics he wouldn’t talk about with anyone. They have an unspoken agreement to never do anything to mess with the other when it comes to these meetings.

10. Prowl is accidentally creepy, he will eavesdrop or spy on someone unintentionally. He doesn’t mean it, but his curiosity can get the best of him sometimes. Here’s a list of things he eavesdropped so far.

11. Optimus is a kindsparked leader, he’ll think of the person’s wellbeing first instead of “is this okay with the law?”

12. Bulkhead sometimes helps the architects with building stuff, he likes the art aspect and the job is easy cuz he can carry like few tons of materials at once.

13. Random!Blitz will eat various things that are definitelly not meant to be eaten. Glow sticks, scraps, paint and even some organic things. He also chews on anything that he find appealing. Somehow, he has yet to end up in medbay for doing that.

14. Blitzwing likes to sculpt, he’ll carve in wood, stone, ice and metal.

15. Bee likes to set up harmless traps to mess with Prowl, his time repairing space bridges taught him how to construct things. He’s quite crafty. Unfortunatelly, Prowl still remmebers how to pull a prank in return. Here’s one of them.

16. There’s 2 versions of Megatron: cold and sadistic villain(canon) or scary but thoughful “father”(Cons Are Good AU)

17. Longarm(Shockwave) actually kinda likes Bee. The bot is optimistic, kind and funny. He likes to hang out with the scout and have some fun, but other than that he focuses on his duties as a traitor Prime.

18. Lugnut is Lugnut, he’s basically in love with Megs. Megs wants nothing to do with him except for work.

19. There’s 2 versions of Decepticons; they either want to to take over Cybertron(canon) or want equal rights and fix whatever the council has fucked up. (Cons Are Good AU)

20. Autobots and Decepticons are not separate species of transformers like i often see. They just have different builds and codings. A transformer who’s not aligned with any of the factions doesn’t have any specific behavior attached, it all depends on what they learn as a sparkling. If they choose a faction, an additional coding is added to their system which might alter their behavior slightly.

21. Since time units are very confusing in the fandom i decided to settle on this: Nanoklik (1 second), Klik (1 minute), Joor (1 hour), (Solar/Lunar)Cycle (day/night), Decacycle (week), Orbital Cycle (month), Stellar cycle (1 year). Then it all goes like normal; decades, centuries, millennia. Sometimes i will use other transformer time terms when i don’t know what else to use.

22. Ratchet, despite being a medic, dismissed his own small damages. He says he will take tare of them later but never does, which later comes back as a bigger problem. Like a trembling wheel, dimmed light or glitched comm piece. He’s learned to go fix himself when reminded about them or look for Sari.

23. Prowl has a bad habit of nightly snacking, he meditates all day long and sometimes forgets to refuel. Bad habit but he’s not really keen on stopping.

24. Shockwave/Longarm is the tech folk, the one who manages files and all, but he’s also somewhat of a medic. He knows how to patch system errors/viruses as well as fix some external damages.

25. Megatron actually remembers Optimus’ name, he just chooses to avoid using it because he has a grudge agaist the Prime for kinda offlining him.

26. Prowl doesn’t die in my timelines/AUs. Nor does Blurr. Nobody does(permanently). I just can’t let them.

27. Claws and sharp dentae are a basic upgrade you get when becoming Decepticon. Based on the frame type, there are few exceptions, example: Blitzwing has both sharp teeth and claws, but Lugnut has only sharp teeth cuz his servos are not compatible with the claws. Same with Shockwave but he's only got claws.

28. Bee was raised in the orphanage, he never brought it up to anyone. The only one to know might be the one he’d date. [See this post but exclude the adoption part]

29. Since Shockwave has 2 forms, he has something similar to Blitzwing’s multiple personalities thing- it’s not that intense, but there is a weird switch in his mind that he can activate on command. He is more laid back and cheery when he’s Longarm. When he’s Shockwave he’s very calm and focused- It’s his peak performance form, so to say. A weird thing that happens with Longarm is that he’ll be focused and calm with everyone but the second he, Bee and Bulkhead are alone- it’s time for wild fun.

30. Everyone thinks Random is the cannibal. He’s not, Icy is the one enjoying devouring a fellow mech. He keeps quiet about it, Random is just hyping it up like he usually does with everything.

31. Blackarachnia may be a mad scientist but she would help someone out if they begged her enough. She’d do everything to fix a bot- but then use them for her own goals. Every “transaction” you make with her will have the consequences... well, unless she’s “feeling generous”- which is like a miracle and you’ve probably made her feel bad if she does this.

32. Bumblebee loves to dress up. He loves human clothes, he loves cosmetic upgrades, he liked the temporary paint that is make up. He’ll never admit or show it though. He feels like if he does, he’s gonna be judged and everyone’s gonna stop liking him. Dressing up makes him feel like he’s truly pretty and amazing. He doesn’t want that feeling crushed if others find it weird and tell him to stop. Idk if “Drag Queen” is the correct term for this but he defo likes dresses and painted details like make up.

33. Bee dresses up for Halloween with Sari. Despite what i said in the previous point, he allows himself to dress up in cool costumes- usually the classics like a vampire or ghost. Never anything cute tho- those costumes are saved for his time alone. One time he made himself look like the haunted black taxi from that one movie- Optimus was on patrol and heard about some shady car scaring people so he went to check it out. Poor Bee tried to scare him too and got send to medbay. Optimus apologized for two days after that incident.

34. Bee has a job that earns him human money- in some weird chain of events he met a guy with a shop that sells old and damaged stuff. He offered to pay Bee money to bring him old stuff from garbage yards/trash stations that may be restored and sold. So now he has a fun and productive way of earning money to buy new games. He goes treasure hunting at least once a week.

35. Bee is really flexible and can basically squeeze anywhere he desires. No one knows how he does it and he constantly gets stuck in weird places. You wouldn’t think he’d fit into that heavy duty airvent, but alas, he’s there waiting for help. 

36. Bumblebee and Prowl are almost the same height; motorbikes are small, even when compared to tiny cars. Prowl is only few inches taller than Bee. He is very thin in build, Bee is more bulky and wide. Bee is also physically stronger than Prowl- Prowl is always using tactics and momentum and physics and such to gain advantage over stronger enemies.

37. Bee is a natural climber- being the short bot, it’s obvious he has to climb to reach that shelf. His servos have rough pads on them to help him stick to sufaces better. It’s especially effective with earth’s buildings since they’re made of rough concrete.

38. Bee naps in riduculous places, he’s like a ferret. He’ll squeeze or climb into places and sometimes get stuck there so others have to get him out. His favorite places to nap are Bulkheads subspace and under his berth.

39. Bee will learn anything about any game just to win. He has a self-claimed title “Game King”. One time he found out about Prowl liking chess- he spend the next few cycles on research and perfecting his skill with online chess. The “Game King” title has been made valid by everyone after Prowl got obliterated in chess by Bee.

40. Prowl has to temporarily move out of his room in winter because there is no roof. He has a back-up room for when the snow starts piling up and he can’t recharge in it. He also has to recharge in the back-up room when there is a heavy downpour and his room floods.

41. Each Team Prime member has their own love language/way fo showing affection/care. [Here i listed them]

42. At some point in the story, Bee and Bulkhead would become Amicas. Not Conjunxes(spouses)- they are Amicas(long-term best friend). [this and this]

43. I imagine Bumblebee would be a great parent- sure he’s reckless most of the time but when it comes to Sparklings- something in his mind switches and he goes full ‘Mama Bear mode’. [exaples: this and this]

44. Optimus is a great cook, he especially loves to bake. Bee is into mixology- he makes morning oil for everyone after all. Prowl cooks with organic ingredients for Sari, he wants her to eat more healthy so he takes it upon himself to make sure she does. [anker post]

45. Bee loves racing, in AU or not. He’ll go up to anyone and challange them to a race. The winner gets the respect of being faster. Blitzwing is Bee’s go-to race rival, they have fun together and mess around on some occasion. [anker post]

46. Bee got crayons from Bulkhead. Sometimes he will draw things- he drew a picture for their first christmas and everyone loves it, it’s hanging in the main room now.

47. Here you have Halloween and Christmas traditions with the group cuz i’m too lazy to write an entire point for it.

48. IMPORTANT FOR ALL NSFW WORKS: Interfacing and Sparklings. My version is different from the ususal sexual spike/valve thing. C’mon they’re ALIENS. I have it all written out in this post.

49: Bumblebee, Sari and Bulkhead are The Gamer Trio. They always play multiplayer games together when they’re not busy. Sometimes Prowl joins them for specific games. [anker post]

50. Team Prime + Sari have preffered food flavors n such. [anker post]

51. Team Prime + Sari having trouble sleeping/recharging and doing stuff instead of that. Nightly habits list. [anker post]

52. Bee has ADHD, you can’t convince me otherwise. He has also been diagnosed with depression later on. Oh, also Prowl is on autism spectrum. Dw, they take meds for that. [adhd+autism post here, Bee having depression here]

53. Bee talks in his sleep. It’s easy to tell if he’s having a nightmare or not. He’s just murmuring what is happening in his dream, not every night but surprisingly often. Funny enough you could have a conversation with him like this. [anker post]

54. Ratchet volunteers as medical assistance in Detroit. The messed up USA healthcare system is beyond what Cybertron had.

if there’s more i come up with, i will update this post. thank you for reading this text wall.