#this is the funniest thing that ever happened

[sbrinnie]

Even if you bribe a kid into accompanying you, there is no guarantee that said kid would behave, there are negative guarantees if the kid is Richard Grayson.

Of course Bruce could just leave him at the Manor, but then he would have no excuse to leave the galas early. Taking Dick to the galas was for his benefit more than anything else. But he also knows that if he takes that path, he knows his responsibilities double.

Dick needs to be entertained, which is no problem, even though Alfred has a no-screen policy, but Bruce is delighted not to be entangled in any unfruitful conversation and just have conversations with his son ward.

Dick doesn’t like any of the other kids from high society, so Bruce is prepared to have a child-shaped koala with him all night. They just need to get to 11 o'clock, and then Bruce can excuse them because Dick is tired.

The real problem was the speeches, oh my god, the speeches.

They were too long for Dick’s attention span, and there was not much a napkin could do to make someone distracted, they couldn’t talk, or it would be seen as disrespectful (they did it once, and this led to Alfred scolding them). So, the solution they found was Bingo.

Dick's family used to play Bingo with him while traveling with the circus. “The showman will forget his lines,” or “The clown will have its nose stolen by a baby,” or even “It will rain” – anything was on the table. The bingo cards were made beforehand by them and could list at most 15 things they thought would happen while in the city. Whoever got the most correct wins and could ask for anything they wanted.

Alfred found the idea genius. He did something of the sort with Bruce when he was younger, trying to distract him while Martha and Thomas made net worth. By that day, the Waynes had a bingo card for almost every gala they attended. It was also a memory game, trying to remember everyone in high society, and made both of them train their stealth. No one could know what they were doing. The most common to appear was “Drake’s will not go” since they were always traveling, and “Kane’s will be late” once they knew Kate would do everything in her power to not make an appearance.

The rules were simple: 1 - Behave, if there’s anything but a well behaved appearance the game is over; 2 - The events can not be provoked, you can’t influence the outcomes; 3 - No one can know what they are doing.

Even Barbara got to play! Alfred described it as a gladiator's fight, both having competitors' souls and hating to lose for one another; the end of the night, when the points were counted, sounded like a deputy election. Jim almost never went to galas, but he knew Babs and Dick were good friends, and sometimes the kid wanted some company at the tedious events. Plus, Alfred would babysit for free. He didn’t know what those kids did to have so much fun at a fundraiser, but he was glad they were having fun, and were in Gotham is safer than Batman's house.

And so, the tradition carried on. By Jason's first gala, Dick was so excited that he even spent the night before at the manor helping him complete his card. Soon enough, they noticed the great sibling bonding time in that. Sadly, Bruce had lost his spot in the competition but was happy his kids were having fun together. Tim received his at a patrol before the gala from Dick and just answered, “Oh, that’s what you guys were doing all along?” He admits it was his funniest night and less stealthy bingo ever. The Drakes were seated two tables away from the Waynes, and Dick couldn’t stop glaring at him every time Tim made a point. Just how the kid predicted a whole fight between two mistresses? The first place was never more difficult to win.

Cassandra and Stephanie almost couldn’t contain their laughter when they scored “Mayor will say ‘and’ at least 37 times.” By Damian's time, it was a day’s thing preparation. The whole family was entangled in gossip about high society; they knew about pregnancies, affairs, and money laundering. Damian found the game nonsense and refused to play, but they could see him perking by Dick's shoulder to see if he got the point or not.

When Jason was back from the dead and in civil terms with the family, he was given a card by mail and small instructions on the back. Somehow, Jason got the second-highest score that night. When Duke came by, it almost looked like a casino house! They started to make chips to know how many times someone won, and they were exchanged regularly and could also be passed down for favors with each other. Bruce and Alfred were the only final line; they cashed the chips for days without patrol, favorite foods, bigger allowances, etc.

[crimeronan]

Now that I think about it the funniest part about Amity being so close to Luz and Hunter without actually knowing Jack Shit about the truth of the Empire is that she'll ocassionally come to a completely normal and reasonable conclusion based on all available information she has and just come up with a perspective literally nobody else has ever come up with before in the history of Ever.

Like if Luz for instance ever shows her about Glyphs and explains it like how she explained it to Eda, how yes it's wild magic but there were always just things she could see in certain things and when she drew them they made magic and etc etc. Amity would hear that and go "Oh. Is that how you communicate with the Titan then?"

(She is Kind of Not Wrong But--)

Love the idea of Luz having to carefully explain to Amity "Hey Actually I CAN'T talk to the Titan! Your entire life's purpose is a LIE, actually! My dad Super wanted to genocide you and all of witch and demonkind and used this lie to do it!!"

YEAH.

i have bits of internal narration drafted right now where amity is trying to figure out what luz's whole deal is if she isn't magic-cursed, and she's like, well. maybe this is just what happens when you can talk to the titan. your grip on reality Must get a little fuzzy when you're in communion with Actual Literal God,

[parakeet]

You used to post about piss a lot. What happened?

LMAO yeah those were dark days.. It started because I posted about that interaction on my lion king sideblog where someone repeatedly messaged me asking to drink my piss, and that post got like 100k notes or something and I guess piss became somewhat of a ‘meme’ on my blog, which was an ‘unrelatableuserboxes’ gimmick blog at the time. High comedy, I know… it was 2016

Piss and vore were pretty common to joke about back then so I’d didn’t think much the whole thing at the time. I do still get meme references in my ask box about the lion king thing. but my blog was pretty popular and I guess people outside of the circle of ppl who thought that stuff was funny, or didn’t know how common it was to - excuse the pun - take the piss out of those fetishes, or ppl who maybe just didn’t want to take any chances, thought I had a piss fetish and was getting off to posting about piss. I definitely saw a couple of people saying they were concerned about it so I stopped immediately bc it was mortifying. I did not want to be known as a guy with a piss fetish.

To be honest, while I’d made some ‘funny’ posts and user boxes about it, iirc, the reason it came up now and then was mostly because other people would tag me in or send me joke piss asks. I cannot even begin to explain how many piss asks I got. I don’t think I even talked about it that much, idk

Hard to believe it was 2016, which means it’s been almost 10 years. Please forget the days when I thought piss was the funniest thing ever. I promise I was stupid and not a weirdo, thank u

[carlyraejepsans]

I AM FUCKING HYPERVENTILATING

[clownwithoutamedicallicense]

GUYS THEY PUT THE MECHANISMS IN MY OFFICIAL AUTISM DIAGNOSIS IM FUCKING CRYING

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 5: Flip Slip.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 4.5)

[stewykablooey]

UNFUCKABLE

[bacchuschucklefuck]

prayer of the day:

[kacievvbbbb]

I just know Crocodile brought on Mihawk because he thought he would be sensible, calm and collected, low maintenance. He thought it was going to be them against the idiocy that is buggy. And it is to a degree.

What he failed to calculate is that Mihawk is just as bad as buggy.

Worse even because at least Buggy can be bullied into doing paperwork. I just know everyday Crocodile is astonished by the absolute commitment Mihawk has to his aesthetic. Walks into his tent just to find that he has somehow converted this circus ass tent into a mid century gothic castle. Somehow carpeted the whole thing end to end is burning more that a 100 candles for “mood lighting”, has a fully open fire pit and a sewing machine in the corner.

Like Crocodiles essentially a mafioso he can appreciate the wanting nice things. Still won’t prepare him for the day Mihawk’s brings him a wine budget, a tailoring budget and an embroidery budget all painstakingly itemized.

Won’t prepare him for having to replace every single wine glass because buggy drank out of one and he can’t break up a set but refuses to use a cup that buggy’s put his mouth on.

He’s starting to think that the real reason the Warlords were disbanded was because they simply could not afford to pay for Mihawk’s upkeep anymore and decided they’d rather pay in cadet lives than see one more wine budget.

He is essentially being held hostage, in his own guild, by the whims of a bored middle aged vampire, and a fucking clown.

[queenbeedarling]

This was probably my favorite part of the episode. It's just so silly 🤣

[biowho]

I have an idea for a story I want to write but it’s just a background on my rook and doesn’t involve any of the characters in oh my god my cat is pissing on my rug hold on I’m using speech to text post canceled post canceled baby stop that caduceus hey hey stop that woah piss boy get over here no no no we’ve talked about this

[definitelynotsipandshare]

in the future, when my kids ask me what DETERMINATION means, i will show them this.

[stpansy]

remember when pete was feeling his little househusband fantasy so hard he ended brendon urie’s whole career

[limbel]

do you guys remember that one time Radio Maria (very conservative chatolic radio station in Italy) shared a post on its facebook page but it was a pic of Dean Winchester with some quote about God

[whewchilly]

Chinese GP 2016

[mwagneto]

mclennon saved the world in doctor who canonically