#this isnt story related or whatever it's really mostly just for me

[logicpng]

haha nice

[theminecraftbee]

hey bee, i wanna understand the watcher lore. can you help point me to the right place for it? or explain it, if it isnt too complicated?

here's where i say "it kind of doesn't actually matter".

hear me out: the thing is that if you are hanging out in the fandom, the watcher lore the fandom uses is like... a fandom invention. i've compared it to a sentinel/guide au before. it's not actually... a thing that is all that closely related to what happened in evo from my understanding.

like, the watcher stuff originally comes from the evo smp, an older smp of grian's. they were deities that ambiguously were also the audience, and liked to punish people being mean and give players weird riddles to solve. at the end of evo, grian joins them. also from evo are the listeners, who are enemies of the watchers (maybe defected watchers themselves? this seems unclear to me) that contacted jimmy and martyn, but largely only worked with jimmy.

the OTHER canon watcher stuff is "whatever martyn is doing over there with his own watcher lore", which i am sure someone who is much more of a martyn guy than me can give you a summary of. it's something along the lines of "watchers feed on emotions/are running the life series". he has explicitly stated that's only canon for him, however.

but MOSTLY? watchers are a collective fanon au that you can kind of use for whatever you need them for. as general rule they TEND to be evil (but not always), grian is one of them (and whether or not he has defected from them is a point in order in the fic), the fanon likes giving them a general biblical angel appearance, purple color, and mask (although ALSO not always; there's basically always either eye imagery or a mask though), they can be a stand-in for the audience or the pressures of being a creator (although not everyone does this), and frequently they have something to do with the life series (though not always). they're useful both as "i want something to be blatantly metaphorical for the audience" and "i need a deity/antagonistic force for my story" most of the time, and also for the ever-present grian angst.

they're fun to mess around with in my opinion! but also in my opinion if you're only writing hermitcraft stuff it's like... not really worth Worrying about "understanding watcher lore" because there isn't actually that much of it that's canon, most of it is just... stuff the fandom likes to do with it, you know?

[oceanwithouthermoon]

Talking about Saiki and SA here a bit, btw, just a warning~

Thinking about how you said Saiki was a victim of SA and you’re literally so right. I feel like people sometimes just blow right past the fact that Kusuke is like that with his brother, but I think it can add a lot to interpretations of his character. But even if it only goes as far as what is shown in canon — which I almost doubt — it still remains the fact that Kusuke is doing all of that knowing fully well that his brother can hear him. It’s literally sexual harassment.

People point it out more often with Teruhashi and her brother (back to the reasons you said, people think it’s more serious if it happens to women). But the things he does, that’s all sexual harassment. And yet when Kusuke does similar things, it’s often brushed aside. Just,,, a bit crazy to me.

(And that’s not even mentioning when people completely disregard this part of Teruhashi’s story and act like she’s one-dimensional,,, but that’s another story)

But all this to say you’re literally so right. Anyways love you mwah =^•w•^=

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I NEEDD PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MORE.

(heed the sa warning + abuse and incest warning before opening, i talk a LOT here.. im mostly just reiterating what happens directly in the manga though.. ALSO EXTREMELY LONG POST WARNING..)

I always viewed kokomi and makoto + kusuo and kusuke as like.. paralleling each other ? not sure if thats the right word, but IMMEDIATELY when i saw both of these dynamics i made the connection.. i guess since it was so clear to me, i assumed that it was so obvious and on purpose that everyone else knew too, but so many people just.. ignore it..

i think most people that read/watch saiki k have recognized the fact that most main characters are meant to parallel or relate to saiki in at least some way, (if anyone who doesnt know what im talking about is reading this, im sure at least someone on here has done a better breakdown on that, i just.. dont know where to find that..) but this particular connection is one i dont see often and i genuinely believe that its almost entirely because of the whole "sexual assault/harassment isnt as serious when it happens to men as when it happens to women" thing.. most of the fandom acknowledge that what makoto does is awful and kokomi is a victim, so why is it different when its kusuke and kusuo ??

its EXACTLY the same.. what we see on screen with the saikis is WORSE, actually.. and what WE see from these two relationships isnt the full extent of what the two victims experience off screen, and i strongly believe that its heavily implied that both kokomi and kusuo have been through much worse with their brothers than whats shown..

we have no idea what kusuke couldve done BEFORE moving away and creating the telepathy canceler (and dont say that he couldnt have done anything cuz they were kids, cocsa [child on child sa] is still a thing and still valid, ESPECIALLY since they were both kid geniuses and kusuke definitely KNEW better.. but yea, kusuo implies that hes been like that for a long time, way before we ever saw them, sooo..) and its highly likely that whatever happened that we didnt see, before or after the move, was WORSE than what he does ON screen (i honestly dont want to think about what a guy with an incestual obsession with his brother does with cameras everywhere in his brothers home..) and what we see him do is already insane..

literally using his brother to get off, manipulating him and forcing him to play the games that give him sexual pleasure.. actually, speaking of, ive seen some people say that what kusuke does isnt really incest because the only reason he uses kusuo is because hes a masochist and kusuo is the only person that can overpower him.. this is a total misfire LOL, his upbringing alongside kusuo and his relationship with him is the REASON that hes a masochist, the ENTIRE REASON why thats what he gets off to.. its not just CONVENIENT that kusuo is there to get him off, he SPECIFICALLY seeks kusuo out and forces him to do things that give him sexual pleasure.. he believes that kusuo is the only person in the world that can ever give him sexual pleasure, what about that doesnt sound incestuous?

and one of the worst parts of it is, kusuo BARELY acknowledges how weird it is.. in fact, he's COMPLACENT in a lot of the games, obedient even, being bribed into them the same way he does with simple things like bringing kuniharu to work.. this is the biggest reason why i believe the off-screen stuff is probably worse, because kusuo is obviously conditioned to think that letting your brother get off to you is just.. fine.. we hardly see him try to get away from this situation beyond simply calling him gross.. theres one moment during the cat tank situation where kusuke tries to get him to grab the limiter off of his crotch specifically so that he can see him in that position and kusuo looks terrified and cant do it, BUT its unclear whether the expression of fear was entirely his concentration because he didnt wanna break the limiter or because he didnt want to let his brother get off to that, and i think its mostly the former ? idk, i dont remember this part that well but im preeeetty sure..

he does acknowledge that MAKOTOS behavior is bad when he sees it, but he never thinks its a big enough deal that he needs to help her or anything, (except for maybe the okinawa situation) which i know is probably just for the sake of not letting the gag manga get too serious, BUT it can also be explained pretty easily by this whole thing.. the way kokomi is treated is literally the same way kusuo lives his life, even down to their incestuous brother being possessive to the point of berating their potential love interests.. (which in this case happened to be each other, kusuo and kokomi..)

so yeah, kusuo just. doesnt really know how bad it actually is ? or maybe he does, but doesnt acknowledge it because he doesnt WANT to.. him barely acknowledging it and being complacent is part of why some people dont really get that its sa and incest, but his complacency obviously plays a big part in how its effected him too, like thats purposeful.. like i said, hes been CONDITIONED not to acknowledge it..

to me, it looks like a classic situation in which kusuo doesn't acknowledge his trauma because he knows that if he did, it would change his outlook on his life, his family, and his childhood FOREVER. he would never be willing to tell anyone or ask for help on his own accord, and accepting that there was anything wrong in the first place means, to him, dealing with that issue by himself for the rest of his life.

why would he ever admit that anything was wrong if nothing would change either way? the only thing that WOULD change is HIM, and why would he want that? isnt it better to be blissfully unaware than to knowingly suffer in silence?

plus, he genuinely does love his brother and knows in the back of his mind that kusukes feelings toward him comes from their unhealthy upbringing and relationship and its more complex than just "hes an evil guy blah blah.." because he isnt really evil and kusuo KNOWS that.. actually, he might be the only person in the world who COULD understand..

so yeahhhh.. kokomi and kusuo are both CANONICALLY victims of sexual harassment.. (and incestual abuse at that..) and, by my interpretation, implied victims of sa as well !! (im not really sure where the line can be when it comes to this sometimes, like when your brother sniffs your bedsheets and rubs himself on them or gets off to you right in front of your face or tries to get you to grab something positioned over his crotch so he can see you in.. THAT position.. but i already said that its pretty likely that both brothers have gone farther than that off-screen..)

anywayyyy.. this is so important to me and i wish people would talk and write about it more instead of pretending it never happened and mischaracterizing every one of these characters, especially for the sake of a ship like i was talking about in my other post.. it sucks that people so often just cast kusuos canon issues aside..

[nonbinarygamzee]

in general i feel like people often miss the mark in discussing the underlying homophobic disgust going on in homestuck when trying to criticize hussies “problematic” nature. in quotes because the word has lost meaning for me not because i think that he isnt, obviously. when i go looking for people criticizing this (DONT do this) it often boils down to guy said f slur, rosemary is flat, dirks shit but usually wrt a framing of dirkjake rather than, like, the underlying assertion of violence and misery. none of these are wholly invalid things to criticize imo especially if you have any of the context of how hussie talked about homosexuality in previous works but they just.... fail to look at the bigger picture, at the context of this being a person using his own fiction as identity exploration even if he insists upon being too detached to give a shit. and like. largely i think people can look at these things too textually, when the actual layers of disdain and bias end up exerting themselves moreso in the imagery, in the invocation in the first place regardless of what context we can derive from the story. the same way that troll society lacking sexuality labels doesnt save it from upholding heteropatriarchy.

the only mspa work ive reread in recent years is homestuck so honestly i just do not wholly remember a lot of the things i want to pull from here Right this minute, sorry, but i have done quite a bit of backreading on TSO and co, plus his other little assorted comics and something that is asserted repeatedly is hussie, as the author of these gags, as an outsider to homosexuality in the same ways he is positioning himself as such in the extremely racist, misogynistic, and ableist ones. and this varies in impact from mostly harmless little quips where gay people are stupid because everyone in the world hussie paints for these strips is stupid, to.... implications and imagery meant to invoke disgust in a ‘degenerate weirdo’ way. the same way that the bro stuff does when positioning him as not only explicitly abusive but explicitly invested in pedophilic content wrapped up in layers of irony, or the weird anxiety surrounding miscegenation as it relates to masculinity going on with him. the same way the gamzee stuff with tavros is injected for no reason except that it sets up context for a scene where one of the only male same gender attracted trolls (and honestly the only guy up to this point whos same gender attraction isnt able to be dismissed as a joke or Freudian-slip of sorts from the character) is doing something basically with the sole intent to invoke disgust and am insinuation that the attraction he experiences as something oppressive and predatory. we can talk context all day about whether gay characters can be bad people, how trolls dont Have sexuality or whatever. but that doesnt really change them as decisions being made by an author and especially doesnt do so when said author is far from unfamiliar with treating homosexuality especially as it relates to manhood and the performance/failure of masculinity as grotesque.

[frostythefrostedfox]

I can't really see sonamy working out in the long run, either one of or both characters would have to be ooc if they were a couple, I can only see it as alot of giving and sacrificing mostly from Sonic's end, because so far shown in the games canon, Amy hasnt had alot of patience with him and wants a more typical kind of relationship with sonic with dating and all that, which sonic just isnt all that in to.

Considering how much the average sonamy fanbrat clings for dear life to two tposing models in a leaked screenshot and one out of context leftover line, it has always seem like they are looking for validation rather than consensus, they tend to turn any conversation from "exposition of motives" to "explaining why i am right", and you cant win that one, you never will.

The reason why so much sonamy related stuff feels so OOC for both of themy care very little about representing the actual characters and more about representing what they want these characters to be, usually turning them into mouthpieces for whatever bias or story they want to tell, which in turn explains a lot of their love for other OOC representations of their pairing, like Prime Sonic and Thorn, or IDW Sonamy. Their story reads great if you read it in a vacuum, but as soon as you contrast whatever they wrote with the writing in the games, it becomes apparent that these are not the same characters, replacing Sonic with Domingo, by writing him to be, usually, a self centered prick that has to learn the value of *insert positive trait here*, or a little penis man that trips on his balls everytime he takes a step and needs someone to believe in him so he can do this with the power of love and friendship; and replacing Amy with Consuela, this lovey dovey perfect girl that has never ever done anything wrong, has never made Sonic feel uncomfortable, has never stalked him and has never ever in the history of ever tried to force her views and herself into sonic's lifestyle.

For some this shit was never about "why would these two character become better by being with each other" and more of "Me and my pookie". For a while several depictions of sonamy (i would call it fanon, but that would imply there is a canon counterpart, and guess what!) have always struck me as some weird self insert, and it usually reads in one of two ways

First: Self inserting as Sonic, the one being chased, the thing gets morphed into some early 2000s romcom plot, "she is annoying but i care about her", where, at the end, the pursued reveals that they have always had an interest in the pursuer and that trying to get away was their way to try and fool themselves. Usually this goes with the motif of "I wish that were me"

Second: Self inserting as Amy, this is the toxic and problematic one, because more often than not the author ends up agreeing with the concept of "Love as a transaction", where their interest must always be reciprocated because they did these many things, they have been around for this long or they have met this set of arbitrary requisites.

I really don't wanna be that person, but to me these behaviours tends to speak a lot more about its poster than about the subject of the post, and the fact that you're usually met with such defensive, offensive and sometimes aggresive behaviours (because the shit that some of them say is really eyebrow raising and I wanna believe is just a passing comment that does not represents their actual views on said topics and issues) from the fanbrats upon mentioning it, hinting at it or bringing it up, makes me believe it

If you have to change two characters so much before they can be compatible with each other, maybe they don't belong together, and maybe, just maybe, you're just looking way to deep into something that holds absolutely no meaning for validation of your ideas that you yourself made believe were real, and acting the way that some do whenever the topic aint "how great sonamy is" kinda points in the direction of "I know it but im afraid to admit it"

At the end of the day people can like whatever they want and I'm sure that most sonamy fans are normal people, but if you're one of the fanbrats that just gotta be so vocal and loud about it, don't act all offended when the others complain, or worse, do the same

[selfspinninglies]

👁️👁️?

hi aureo that was fast . anyway explanation under the cut woo

its kinda fuzzy in my head since ive only had this idea for two days including today so . but basically theres magic in the world that this takes place in (side tangent that isnt totally important but im gonna talk about how it works now if you dgaf skip to the plot stuff) its mostly not demonized/hated/feared/whatever cause i dont feel like it . anyway basically the energy needed is inside of your blood so whenever you use it it draws it out of you in some way (depends on what its used for) or you can draw it out yourself (bloodletting) and depending on how strong the spell you're doing is a certain amount of blood will be needed which causes !! a lot of problems for magic users . also its not like . a lineage thing anyone can learn how to do it because another part of how it works is making bonds/pacts with spirits that hold power over certain things and the blood is like . the offering also and you can either use incantations of sorts to do spells or just command things that youve borrowed power over also if your family has a pact with a spirit you are automatically in that also

vey end up going into the center of the woods and there's a grave in the clearing so vey go to it and make a blood offering assuming that this is the correct place (<- its not . oops) which ends up pissing off the spirit there because they do not have a pact together so vey are Not supposed to do that . it ends up pissing the spirit off more by admitting that it thought this was the correct place to be for a different spirit who was apparently not even close to here . who knew (everyone except erika) . the spirit ends up laying a curse on nem as its one of those angry and restless ones + got angered further . the spirit explains that somewhere in their body the seed of the plant that fits them best will start growing inside of them at a random place and slowly kill them by taking all of their energy and eventually spread out of them and essentially take over their body . they don't say if there's any way to cure/get rid of and it doesn't really sound like there is . they also say that when ey're at eir deathbed ey'll drag eir body back to this very spot and become part of the forest in the same way the spirit is . (sorry i keep saying "the spirit" i know it sounds kinda weird but i havent named them yet) (also ihave sooosososo many thoughts about how this would work so . maybe another time but if you wanna hear me go insane ask)

(other side tangent) also the way that the spirits work is that if you're connected to something deeply throughout life and your death is also connected to that thing (ex you have a connection to oceans/lakes/rivers your entire life and then you drown and die) you become bound to it spiritually and it becomes literally a part of you which means you have command over it kinda (does any of this make sense . idk) but it sucks a lot because the thing draws out your energy after death to fuel your ability cause like i said earlier spells require energy n shit but you also gain the ability to share your ability with others which relieves it a little since the burden isnt all on you BUT some spirits are angrier and curse anyone who steps foot near the area where they died . also their abilities and people who have deals with them's powers are amplified in the death area

ANYWAY actual plot time . the protagonists name is erika/erik (goes by both) (any pronouns but mostly uses neos) and ney're part of a family that has a pact (<- i think im going with that as for what ill call these) with some sort of plant spirit ney aren't sure which one though ney didnt pay much attention to the explanation of it all . it doesnt care too much about its lineage its more interested in biology and anatomy related things (<- woaww title reference) and also salamanders . its not story important but ve really likes salamanders . anyway x2 nix is somewhere in nixs early 20s and lives alone in an apartment planning on going to college soon but is putting it off . probably works a shitty 9-5 that it hates idk . very tired guything . theyre kinda bored and start thinking about their abilities and general ineptitude with it and decide that they'll go to the forest that their pact spirit dwells in to feel more connected to it or whatever . ey didn't really plan things through a lot . It makes a small bag with some supplies in it just in case and goes to the place that it thinks is the correct one but ends up being wrong and ends up in a very large forest . paragraph break because this one's getting long

obviously it freaks the fuck out about this and ends up running veryvery far away from the clearing and ends up collapsing somewhere because its really fucking tired . in the morning to nix's surprise nothing happened to nix in that time . anyway first thing he does is take out a diagram of the human body that was in one of the notebooks that he took with him and starts drawing out what the curse might look like on the inside . (which is also kinda where the name of the story comes from)

hey remember how i said energy needed for spells lay inside someone's blood . and how the plants will sap off of the person's energy and therefore blood . and how erik's family has a pact with a plant spirt . hey do you think that might be just a little important -

so anyway she tries to find her way back but fails miserably because the one thing she happened to forget was a map of any kind so now she's stuck in a forest with a deadly curse and no idea how to fix herself. they frantically walk through the forest and end up finding a village filled with totally normal people yayyy . anyway when they get there they say that they got lost in the woods and need a place to stay until they figure stuff out . oddly enough someone agrees to house them for a bit . The people of the town are incessant with questions, particularly about if they've encountered the spirit . on impulse he lies saying that he didnt which totally wont bite him in the ass later i mean who said that . anyway thats basically the plot theres more but this is already long as fuck and i dont feel like typing anymore idk how much of this makes sense but whateverrr im sleepy n sickly (<- has a cold) so . yeah hope you like it :]]

[fyodior]

i know what you mean with bsd, i feel like the lack of fan content and the lack of quality in recent chapters is whats made bsd less fun for me. i used to write for it on my actual blog, i only wrote a few things before i just started to lose interest bc i wasnt getting much enjoyable content and a lot of the content felt really far from what i was looking for.

fyodor has always been my fav in bsd and probably always will be and i have psychoanalyzed his character to hell and back which also really made me like bsd less because a lot of asagiri's choices made me have to deconstruct all the thought i had put into this character whom i loved. (its even worse bc it was while i was making a really long google doc analyzing his character.)

i dont know if other people relate but i do feel like asagiri kinda killed his own fandom because bsd isnt as fun anymore so people dropped it. like the constant deathbaiting gets frustrating and waiting a month to find out whats going to happen in a story that feels like its falling off feels more like doing a chore than excitement and anticipation.

- 💄

i agree to an extent but i still have a pretty strong interest in bsd LMAO i guess for me when the story lacks or goes off the walls i tend to really cling to characters. i live in my own little mind palace mostly lmaooo

i think a “downfall” of manga just in general is that we can’t see the big picture yet. we obviously only get snippets of story at a time. so this could theoretically all wrap up beautifully and end up making sense but in the mean time that’s not quite the case LMAO but i don’t hate the current story as much as others seem to? it’s a little spastic but otherwise i like it. and i think once this arc wraps up it’ll feel more fulfilling. i don’t personally wanna say it’s falling off tho

and i personally don’t think asagiri has bastardized his characters too much but i think others might disagree. i think he’s kept everyone pretty consistent, but fyodor has had some radical changes but that comes alongside such a massive plot twist, that clearly has been in the making for a while (re: fyodor’s grown appearance in untold origins)

i think to a degree a character can be your own though. obviously source material is important but you don’t have to give up everything you loved and cherished about a character because they changed in the series! you can do whatever you want lmaooo so i don’t think you should let that hinder your love and analysis of fyodor

but yeah. 2 years later and i still love bsd and i don’t see it going away any time soon 😭

[lightfulonion]

hello @skijjiki!!! thanks for tagging me friend!!!!

Favorite time of year: every single day that i grace this beautiful planet ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ I unironically love Christmas so much. I love the cold and I love the fact that we can slack for a little bit and I love having an excuse and indulge myself by seeing and meeting with my loved ones. I also love spring! (<- spoken with the privilege of someone who only has mild allergies) And summer when it isn't boiling outside!

Favorite drinks: boba, COFFEE, ginger ale, wine (the semisweet ones and especially semisweet red wine ❤), fresh squeezed orange juice, HOT MILK WITH HONEY and generally whatever has sugar in it

Collect anything?: Littlest Pet Shop!!! When i was in kindergarden there was that one kid that had SACKS of lps and from then on i decided that it was my fate to defeat them... (i just said to my mum to buy me lps whenever she could and i also asked her every christmas to tell santa claus i needed the big packs with them) I also have collections of rocks and shells from different beaches that i went to! Lately i try to collect stickers from cons and such (<-literally has went to one (1) con so far) and chupa-chups cans bc they look pretty 👉👈 (not sponsored)

Favorite fics: OH BOY OH BOY! DO I HAVE THE FICS FOR YOU! I'll try to be brief: 💼 OK NO JOKE, I'll try to be brief: (in no particular order, except for the first one) 1) it's not living (if it's not with you) by brella (hq!!) TOP 1!!! IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THIS FELLAS! Legit, tsukkiyama isnt even my thing but this one ticks all my boxes: desperate lead? check. the grumpy one mellows out for the sunshine one? check. the inherent value of change and becoming better by loving and wanting to express it properly and by that becoming a better person? check. GROUNDHOG DAY AU?? YES PLEASE! It's.. It's very good. Please give it a read if you want. (brella has written many good hq fics btw please check them out!) 2) Work-Related Risk Factors by parkernoir (mp100) Case fic, angsty and probably my favourite mp100 ever! It has Serizawa! It has Tome! It has Reigen trauma! It made me cry my eyes out in agony! I have a very soft spot for this. It has serirei in it but mostly it's gen if i remember correctly? yeah 3) beginners by silvercistern (mp100) fair warning it's about sex and it doesn't have just steamy scenes, it discusses generally sex and stuff. That being said it has ace Reigen in it and it made me cry 👍 4) The Negligible Self by ch_am (mp100) anything and everything by camp is a gift honestly. Angsty generally, full of whump specifically, it makes the soft, tender moments hit better and it's still in progress! Join the fun as i lose my mind with every single update! Yay! (people in the comments in ao3 are also trying to find out what is going on and it's fun) (it has a prequel too which is really good and canon-adjacent) 5) Kintsugi by SpicyChibi (mp100) it took me a week to recover from reading this. mp100 fanwriters have a way of capturing the vulnerability of serirei in a way that physically hurts me. Tender, good, I love them, I love them, I love them. Ongoing and 90,000 words so far. 6) Like A Cheap Suit, You Can Wear Me Out by Vulcanodon (mp100) written like a romantic comedy and made me laugh at every twist and turn of the plot. The last scene is forever ingrained in me and it actually makes me emotional. Case fic again and a very fun one 7) Heart Rate Rapid by Justkeeptrekkin (mp100) teacher au, all the children in one class, ongoing, literally finshed it yesterday, ACE REIGEN BELOVED. (so far no explicit content so don't pay too much mind to the rating, there are discussions of sex but only briefly and on a surface level) I love their banter and the transition from friendship to something more... sigh 8) where the night goes by bigspoonnoya (hq!!) 'the sad gay with the happy ending' tag got to me. I love bittersweet stories with happy endings (can you tell) and this one has kagehina in it.... utterly head over heels for stories where they meet many years later. 9) fake it, make it by zadderlee (hq!!) FAVOURITE KAGEHINA FIC RIGHT THERE! ongoing since good old 2019 but the author has said they are going to continue it at some point! good characterisation, i had forgotten how good it is but i keep getting back to this. 10) That Baby Does Not Belong to You (But It Could) by multifascinate (talkativelock) (hq!!) bokuaka with baby hinata. need i say more. oh, yeah and they are 20-somethings. And in college. the romance aspect is there but it mostly focuses on other things. And i love it.

anyway these are my ao3 recs bone apple teeth (pay attention to the content warnings and the tags. thanks!)

Favorite video games: i am an awful gamer but generally the story-based ones intrigue me and the ones that are fun to play together with friends! Disco elysium, Ace attorney, Mario Kart 8, Smash Bros and animal crossing!

i tag @livingonyoghurtandspite @horson @raph-red-fan and whoever wants to do this ✌ ( cough please give me fic recs i beg cough)

[the-lightless-flame]

ok i promised @bornetoblood so here is the web!agnes headcanon

this takes a bit of explaination so ill go into how it would work and then ill talk about why i like it

(also obviously this is just based on my interpretation of agnes and her story, if u have a different interpretation of her thats fine!! i just love my funny messiah woman and want to see her happy)

this became very long so the essay is under the cut

ANYWAy so the 'how':

jonny said in the season 4 q+a that one could probably sever their connection with the desolation via a completely selfless sacrifice.

agnes' suicide probably fits this description; the in-canon explanation (from what agnes told arthur) is so that the lightless flame could eventually try the scorched earth again with another messiah.

i dont fully believe what arthur said, and its definitely possible that she was just telling him what he wanted to hear. in that case, her making the decision to once and for all stop herself from being able to bring about the scorched earth probably counts as a selfless act as well, cause even if the scorched earth was never actually going to work, she didnt know that.

the first option doeshave a certain irony to it imo, but it doesnt really fit with how i see her at this point, as i think at this point shes not that loyal to the lightless flame (see: jack barnabus). it doesnt really matter to the headcanon tho, all that matters is that agnes committed a selfless act.

doing this disconnected her from the lightless flame, but in doing so she could have potentially connected to another entity.

all that's really required for becoming an avatar is choice, but physical and metaphysical death is encouraged; agnes is experiencing both (physical is obvious, and metaphysical as the death of her as messiah of the desolation).

imo the web is the obvious choice. she already has a connection with it through gertrude and hilltop road, and a lot of agnes' story is about the ways the lightless flame controlled and groomed her, as well as how her final weeks were when she finally managed to get some kind of control over her life (even if that control is her own death). basically, since control is a big theme in agnes' story, and taking control is the prominent feeling that led to her death, i dont think creating a connection to the embodiment of control is such a reach.

so agnes goes through something similar to jon's coma. maybe the lightless flame thinks shes dead, maybe they realise she isnt connected to the desolation anymore and leave her alone.

from there, agnes just does whatever. probably tries not to do anything too notable. she burns emma harvey's house with gertrude obviously, and she does need to feed her power but i dont think she'd do anything thatd get in a statement.

ok so thats how i think it could happen. now why i like it:

first, i dont really like agnes having died. it works fine as an ending to her story as a part of the show at large i guess, and it doesnt really matter to me in that sense. but for her as a character, i think her ending just makes her generic tragic character and thats not really my kind of thing. idk, like i said im not mad about it being her ending or anything, theres definitely a lot to be said for how her living under the lightless flame couldve led to that decision, but its not really what i want for her.

there is also how it relates to the queer reading of her story, but i talked about that earlier.

also i want her to be happy. leave me alone.

second, i really like the idea of agnes having a semi-normal life. she still has web stuff, but its mostly just subtle stuff (we know there are a lot of spooks that arent reported to the institute, and i think what she does is probably that). gertrude tracks her down at some point to help killing emma harvey, but that it.

the web probably doesnt need her to do anything major, cause thats what annabelle's for and shes only a few years away from being an avatar.

in the eyepocalypse she probably tries not to make things too bad for people in her domain, as much as thats a thing she can actually do.

third, iirc it means that every web avatar thats dead was killed by another web avatar. and i think thats fun. obviously she wouldnt have been a web avatar for raymond, but she probably wouldve been marked and thats enough for me.

i like the imagery of the web keeping people only until theyve become obsolete, i imagine it probably wouldnt want to keep people around once theyve done what it needed them to do. also spider imagery.

fourth, agnes did not get NEARLY enough opportunity to be gay. like she probably fucked jude for at least a while but there is. no way that relationship was healthy. (i could talk a lot more about that but this is already too long)

idk who with. i like gertrudeagnes conceptually but i also like them only having met once. they probably did fuck tho.

i saw a fic earlier that shipped her and annabelle and i havent read it yet but that sounds fun.

idk maybe she just finds a normal, non-aligned girlfriend. thats probably the best option. anyway let her be gay

ok thats it the essay is done. i probably forgot stuff but ill just talk about it later. again this is just my headcanon, u might interpret her different to me and thats fine! the whole point of her story is we dont know that much about what shes really like so theres a lot thats just up to personal opinion.

if for some ungodly reason u read all of this then why??? (i just checked its at like a thousand words wtf) but also tysm i probably wont have children but if i do u are now entitled to my firstborn.

this is too long im going to stop talking now bye

[pineappleciders]

aubrey! for the ask game:D?

erm yeth pleathe🤓*adjusts glasses*

Sexuality Headcanon: i have said it before and i will say it again i think aubrey is lesbian. idk whag it is. i think she might've had comphet for sunny idk tho🤫 (idk considering her childhood crush on sunny isnt actually canon but uts a thought)

this is mainly why i dont really like aubrey x male characters and why kimbrey is my fave<<33

Gender Headcanon: tbh i haven't really thought about it much. i really like transmasc aubrey but i dont hc her as transmasc yknow??? like i reflect onto her because she was literally me when i was little and the family issues and all that but ya its mostly me projecting. other than that i tgink you could say aubrey is transfem, transmasc, nb or whatever and id be like yeah cuz idk shes just aubrey

A ship I have with said character: kimbrey js very cute i loooove that one photo of them doing a fistbump. i love best friend dyanmics soooo mcuh

if i have to choose a more main stream ship itd probably be sunburn, specially omori x hs aubrey cuz i think sunnys little crush on her is cute. but i like transfem/genderfluid sunny x aubrey even more cuz again lesbian aubrey

A BROTP I have with said character: kelbrey!! kel and aubrey are gay best friends and i love their friendhsip so much. i can understand why people ship them cuz of their dynamic but i just prefer them platonically!!

A NOTP I have with said character: minus the obvious ones (such as maribrey...) i cant really see basil x aubrey romantically. i mean i dont have anything reallt against the ship i just cant see it working or them having feelings for each other

A random headcanon: kim has those like. i forgot what theyre called but those earrings that open ur earring hole and r like a ring i forgot the name and aubrey always thought they were super cool when she saw that kim got them so when they became closer kim pierced her ears and now aubrey has the same earrings. also post game in college i think shed get a few more piercings, on her ears and face (and probably gets some matching ones with kim :3)

General Opinion over said character: i think shes one of my favorite omori characters (i dont really have a tierlist but herand kel are so smrungjly to me so i call them my favs)

i think her trauma and story and personality is all really realistic and relatable and i love her character so much. she deserved so much better. i also kin her to an unhealthy amount but we dont talk about that

sorry for typis its 5 am j havent slept nya

[rv2xlga]

another rant: not persona related for the first time i think lol

ok so im back to rant on here as per usual, this time on my sister's computer which is where i do most if not all my websiting and not on my phone which is when you know it is very serious!

ok so as the title suggests, this rant ISNT! about persona 5 as ive been playing kingdom hearts and its been on my list for many, many years but my other sister finally got us a ps4 in nov of 2022 after so very long of us wanting one with her fafsa money and i managed to finish final mix.. now! very productive and not adhd-pilled of me whatsoever (i say incredibly sarcastically) but anywho, i finally finished final mix, as i've stated before and am now playing re:chain and i absolutely hate kingdom hearts' combat because it is so god damn unnecessary and pointless and horrible! but the long time hyperfixation and yaoi grind is so serious which i did not know soriku was so heavy in the game lmfao, my poor girl kairi she deserves so much better omg ToT but that's a whole different, much bigger conversation rant for another day..

but enough with long ass stupid intros, as a long time riku fan seeing his character and just how the overall story has played out so far aside from the ridiculous ass writinggg, i've been really impressed ngl! it has a lot of potential that it actually reaches, again, aside from the horriddd writing, the plot and ending in particular was very similar to revolutionary girl utena which is like. absolute peak everything for me lmfao honestly i wouldn't be shocked if it was inspired by it cuz they are soo many similarities, i kept even pointing it out to my sis (who HASN'T watched it yet very unfortunately!) cuz im such a nerd lmao. and especially with riku, im very happy he's even IN the game first of all cuz compared to most of my other sillies... like rip to my girl akechi you deserved so much better.. but anywho anywho, i really love riku's character and everything his character represents ESP from what i've seen in the com gba ver which i don't know if that passes to re:com, which is the ver im playing but i really hope so cuz i've seen some clips and he is, ugh such an amazing character so yes. im going to deep dive here with revolutionary girl utena, specifically anthy and akio as my basis for most of this lmaosdbhh (rgu spoilers and kh too of course)

i know im very crazy with how i jump to conclusions and try to "analyze" characters and all that, even from as young as i can remember myself i've always thought like. wayy too much its honestly very embarrassing but there's personally a lot of similarities between akio and anthy's whole dynamic that reminds me of riku and diz and ansem, whatever that whole mess is. i know diz isn't essentially a villain from what i've heard and seen and searching more about it now to double check what i'd be saying on here isn't complete nonsense, i forget kingdom hearts is legit nonsense and i clearly do not know much to anything at all about diz and ansem and whatever tf is happening there omglj ToT but but i will try my very best and to differentiate, ill be calling the actual ansem diz and the ansem in final mix just ansem so its easier for everyone involved lol and again ill mostly be focusing on parallels of rgu to final mix but overall, talking mostly about riku (my baby :3) yayy!

its so crazy how the final mix plot went to me, again im actually just very shocked with kingdom hearts' storylines and stuff in general. i imagine not much thought was put behind it as the writing. speaks for itself but it is actual very nuanced and again, has a lot of potential it actually reaches or could reach which is like. gold mine for me! we know that in rgu, akio is very blatantly harassing and abusing anthy in all forms, even the people around her, succumbing to the abuse he had endured throughout all his life really giving him no purpose or real reason as we see and are made to imply in episode 39 and the last scene with anthy as she leaves the school, he has nothing to really back up why anthy should stay, as of course they never will be any real reason to it aside from the abusive cycle that they're in specifically he is stuck in, having to make it everyone else's problem from lack of growth and realization (which still doesn't excuse any of his horrid actions, but was practically impossible for him to do but that is a pretty bigger conversation for what we have here to discuss today). it reminds me a lot of ansem and his connection with riku, how he used riku's body and how ansem's "motive" is never really mentioned in final mix, not that much can really be deciphered with all that darkness-hearts talk anyway but you know. and mind you, i know there's a lot more lore that goes into ansem and the reason for his existence, him being a heartless and all, same with diz and the actual ansem so again, i won't be really going into how ansem and akio are similar as individuals but just as their roles in the respective main storyline of final mix (ive stated that way too much times by now, curse you adhd) riku's body being used as just another vessel to ansem and the "darkness" that was inside of him was only really possible because riku was an easily susceptible child, as children are obviously going to be, and ansem used this position of innocence and hashtag childlike wonder lol to be able to use him and manipulate him to do his bidding, essentially. even after everything, when sora is inside that egg (for reasons i havent yet to know!) which can parallel what happens to utena at the end of rgu, riku/anthy are still in the shadows of their abusers to even save their loved one, as unfortunate as it is. it is just like the door scene with riku and sora which is extremely similar to the rgu door scene (which is when all these similarities really hit me lol), both riku and anthy are inside the door or coffin or whatever the case and they are the ones that have to be saved but it ends up being the other way around as again, the abusive cycle is continuous and unfortunately, ever affecting but it is a very big part to break free from this cycle that you try to grow, into a better person as riku and anthy did. again, they were still connected to their abusers, each to their respective cases but they were actively seeking freedom by putting love first and not just romantic love, but love at all, in all of its forms (such a nuanced thing, lol no pun intended but yes i do love that topic very much) which is something abusers do not have, as someone who is currently in a situation like this, a lot can be said from personal experience.

i think it's interesting to view how riku viewed the "ansem in his heart" as just an amalgamation of fear and abuse of all those unfortunate things. the ansem that he was scared of, not diz/the real deal, was a lot more of a disgusting type of person, someone who was "darker, more foul" as the ansem he knew was a literal heartless being, literally. and diz was able to use this fear to his advantage by being insanely creeping and threatening to him (which is where we can see abusers are still human at the end of the day) when riku could've "choose between darkness and light" or he could've realized his specialness, in a much nicer more peaceful way lol and i don't just say that cuz the combat is awful or as jokes, i genuinely mean it. and in all that, that is the literal definition of abuse! same as what akio did and even with akio's character as his prince self and his present self, we are made to believe they are two different ppl bc of how much he gave into that abuse and let it consume him, he became a monster, someone completely different in his entirety (which i fucking love that btw). and again, i know that is not the case with ansem and diz because they are literally two different people but you can't argue the general ideas are similar and the nuisances/themes are and could be there, i think it works really well for an abuse allegory. using sora, what he held very dear as anthy did utena or just the general idea of a genuine love and connection for them both which is obviously what the care and love stems from, to get riku to do his bidding, changing riku by almost entirely just to discard him later and only focus on what really threatened his power, or abusive cycle in reality (cuz ik the ansem drama goes a lot more serious and family oriented and all that lol), which was sora and in akio's case, utena (by keeping them in "eternal slumbers" in the places that they are situated in or around/familiar with). even to the way that riku treats sora in final mix, which i know isn't really him but his sort of detachment to him is very similar to anthy and how she would treat utena. which really isn't just comphet but it is something much, much bigger than that that doesn't really involve utena much when you really look at it. it is a very general sort of detachment and indifference that comes with abuse i really wished more people talked about because abuse is not just some funny little joke or something to be easily looked over! for the love of god, i am ating at so many things rn good lord. but his detachment towards sora was just his brain numbing to the abuse, losing that sense of love and almost sanity and even humanity to look at it that way, just as what happened to anthy and her barely-any-sense-of personality. like unfortunately it's still riku and it was still him, even if very little but he was still there and what we were seeing there was just the abuse and manipulation taking him over or the abuser and abusive cycle taking them over just as what akio became due to his abusers and cycle, once again as it is continuous, and what ansem's literal existence was and meant. they were or had just become amalgamations of the "darkness" in ones' hearts, the bad things and i think the game like com itself showing that you are a mix of them both and you have to balance them both is very beautiful because yes, unfortunately you can never be truly cured even more so when it has affected you even from childhood, you have to just live with it but you can grow and be a better person because you are human and you have broken free from this cycle and have control over your own life. hopefully this makes sense, i really don't wanna come off any sort of way. writing this all makes me realize it is a very messy and nuanced topic even to describe it which.. makes me love it even more lol.

ima attach some lines here i got from this website online of a let's play lmfao cuz im lowkey losing my train here ugh, fuck adhd omg. but update while writing. i am currently rereading after like an hour and it kinda came back to me. sorry if the next paragraph is kinda random and already has some topics i have already introduced previously I REALLY DO HATE ADHD but i wouldn't be here without it would i now....

seeing more of the lines now, the words and nuisances of the things he says are genuinely soo abusive oml. there's just a lot of potential like i've stated so many times at this point, within the game. as someone with a few personality disorders, black and white morality is such a big issue with me and i feel like the whole darkness and light thing especially with how they handle it with riku can fit really well into that too. i headcanon riku with ocpd, something i have because i was really shocked with how much i resonated with his character and how much i see him struggling with that. him not being able to understand how him and sora and kairi could've came to one (agreement terms i mean, lord) and taking such drastic measures with everything and being so avoidant with the things around him, even with how he had such a want for a bigger worldwide and viewed himself as if he had so much more hopes and dreams compared to kairi and sora due to the simplicity of his innate thinking and again, took such drastic measures to achieve that and even prove it, even if it was mostly unwillingly, he was able to be easily manipulated because aside from being a child, his "larger worldview" was easy to crumble because it is just built on excessive thinking and the constant need for answers (which very much reflects perfection and obsessiveness that is the biggest issues with ocpd) which is very unstable because life isn't really like that and when you can't snap yourself into this realization or have no one else to really do it for you, trust me if you don't suffer through ocd or similar things like that yourself, it is difficult asf lemme tell you that. obsession doesn't really get you anywhere and that even goes into abuse and abusers' obsessions with whatever their "motives" are. it's strange because it doesn't really make any sense as their "motives" are never really real motives and can never really be described but that is just its nature because it is nonsensical and is just a result of overdrive and it kills, as simple as that.

ok so i have a lot more kingdom hearts related-thoughts and analyses aside from all my various other cringe, nerdy thoughts (we don't discuss the intrusive or sexual ones my friends) but i think i've ranted enough for today, another mid-way update but lost my train again, but this is the longest i've ever ranted for, definitely had to get it off my chest that's for sure lol. but aside from the ranting, i hope to use tumblr more, just to be on my own but i hope to post more doodles and art related shit on here as i hopefully figure out how to work my tumblr around and all that so it's easier to post from my phone and stuff without getting the computer and eventually losing all my energy :P yes, i will be cooking up rgu au for kingdom hearts like just doodles is what is to take from all this. sorry if it doesn't make much sense i tried my best fhfdshk

[whomst-the-hell]

i was thinking about it and i realised that i had sort of subconsciously been under the impression that atla was one of those star wars situations that tells you anyone can be magic but in actuality every major plotpoint just ties back to one single family every time (some of you may be saying “but rey wasnt a skywalker!” to which i respond “who was the primary antagonist then wiseguy” but this post isnt actually about star wars so fuck me ig) anyway what im getting at is, other than zuko, whose major theme is his relationship with his family and therefore with his nation as a whole (and also he was actual royalty so it was inevitable tbh), every single other main character’s parents were not explicitly benders, or were nonbenders. aangs parents arent ever even shown! i mean for a show where its canon that magic is genetic, they do a waaaayyyyyy better job at delivering the “anyone can be a hero” storyline than media that actually textually tells that story lmao

not only is the show about children, its also about lots of marginalised groups. all the characters are POC, toph is blind, katara is a girl (toph is obviously also a girl but her character doesnt really explore misogyny like katara ykwim?), sokka is just some guy even in the context of the magic system, even aang — the literal chosen one!!!! — is just a random kid who also happens to be the reincarnation of the most powerful spirit in the galaxy or whatever (thats a recurring theme of the show actually), and zuko ,who is the most nepo baby protagonist, isnt actually the prodigy of his family and is instead frequently upstaged by his little sister lol

like it would have been so easy to do a “and guess what the reason toph is such a great bender is because she’s secretly king bumi’s great niece!!!!!!” reveal, which is such a classic plot twist that tbh its barely a twist these days, but instead toph was a badass specifically because of the unique perspective she gained by being disabled and the way that allowed her to connect with the world around her ie the badgermoles — thats a way stronger story! the only relationship reveal we get (other than i guess aang learning he’s the avatar which kind of maybe counts??) is zuko learning he’s related to roku which. i mean he was already a nepo baby so it doesnt detract from his agency really and in fact reinforces his recurring “there are two wolves” conflict, which up to that point was mostly shown through azula and iroh (think his ba sing se fever dream wherein there were two dragons inside him voiced by azula and iroh respectively one advocating good the other evil, foreshadowing the final conflict of the season where he must choose between azula and iroh and he backslides in his moral arc by choosing azula which is a really cool narrative choice that tbh now that im thinking about it i probably should have made this tangent its own post but we’re here now ig)

also i was thinking about how bending is genetic but also skips generations (neither kya nor hakoda is a bender, and we dont know of any grandparent other than gran gran, who is a nonbender, and i think its a dominant gene bc ursa wasnt a bender to my knowledge but zuko and azula are, so probably neither kya nor hakoda had bender parents, but obviously katara is a bender, but sokka isnt, plus there were identical twins in the volcano episode where only one was a bender which does confuse me scientifically but i dropped science so whatever) and bending is shown as common enough that probably everyone has atleast one ancestor who is a bender so tbh it sort of circles back to being random lol

this post is really just me thinking out loud (well not. out loud. bc its written. you get it) so it might not be coherent but idk its another way that atla is very clever and has effective storytelling and creates themes subtextually etc etc ok thanks

[mojaves]

some fun facs about the undead gang bc im thinking about how it's all Connected and losing my marbles as a result

so all 4 of them have scars on their neck from some sort of death related incident. well ruthie's technically isnt a scar it's just like. a permanent bruise. she got choked to death, and then eric had his throat slit open when he was murdered. same with aisling but she wasnt murdered, hers is from some sort of weird loyalty test ruthie devised once, bc aisling was like her student, training to be second in command type deal. and jason's is from another kind of test also devised by ruthie where eric had to cut his neck open. After ruthie had already carved 'your gift xx' into it bc she thougt it would be funny. a nice little surprise for eric, and to test just how much he truly loved his son

that last bit didnt Have to happen of course, it could have been way less traumatic for the both of them. BUT! it was all bc aisling decided to help jason out after he died the first time.

and THAT is bc, when ruthie/danny (she was possessing him at that point. very long story theres a lot of lore i need to write about. how the ghosts and undead and whatever works) shot jason, she completely detached herself from him, and pretty much abandoned aisling without a word. so aisling was very thankful that she had been Freed from her shackles in a sense, and so was like. i need to make this guy's transition into death as easy as possible bc he saved me (lots more i could write about there but i shant. not yet)

which basically means she's helped him skip over all the. like. tests?? the undead have to go through in order to stay alive - bc the whole procedure is very traumatising and she thought he had already been through More than enough.

and eventually they start dating. was it out of guilt?? did they really truly love each other?? was it a rebound?? who's to say!

we'll never find out! bc what aisling did was against the rules, and when ruthie finally found out about it?? she kills aisling. and sends jason off to die. again. but worse than before bc she's Mad. mad that he didnt stay dead, that he made it this far without her knowing, that he's the son she never got to have and then she killed him. and all she could see when she looked at him was herself. so clearly she just had to go make everythinf even WORSE for him than she already had

and for eric too bc fuck that guy. he didnt do anything wrong she just hates him bc he got to continue 'living' and got to have a son. while all she had was Nothing. she made him undead and he's not even thankful!! he doesn't know that though. he doesnt know how it happened. she's still mad about it though

did any of that make sense im like half awake rn. well. mostly awake actually but my brain is switched off. so if none of this makes sense or you just want to ask me about it or hit me with a stick or whatever. feel free to Hit Me. Up.

[densewentz]

personal ranting about insufferable morality about vengeance in fiction lol

now im mostly talking about stories involving Big grievances like “you burned my entire family alive/ youve abused/enslaved me since i was a child/ you destroyed everything ive ever loved” etc. not like. the “you gave me a dirty look once at a party so now im a supervillain” stuff marvel pulls but like look maybe its just me but i am so sick of "if you do this you’re just as bad as they are!” self-righteous, aggrandizing hero stories and their didactic moral superiority and unsatisfying slog endings where loose threads are left hanging. i want the vengeance. i want the pyrrhic amoral victory. i want the unapologetic emotional response to trauma and for the damaged party to take their rightful due without guilt. Whether that means physically destroying something, refusing to help someone, killing an asshole, etc i do not care. all are valid and are much more fascinating to explore than this bland-ass forced change/acceptance we always get saddled with.

“vengeance isn’t satisfying” my ass. There is no greater relief than a ghost laid to rest and a tiger off your back. i want to see a damaged character burn their antagonist to the ground and smile up at the sky because finally finally they can breathe. And it’ll still hurt. the breath will still rattle in their lungs. but for at least a moment the weight is gone. bonus points if for once we can have a character put an end to their tormentor without every other character suddenly acting like they’re a monster now for not showing mercy to a merciless creature. “but everyone deserves a second chance!” look okay. i get it. its a nice sentiment. but everyone deserves a first chance. and if you use yours to destroy someone else’s that’s called forfeit. if you want to grant a second chance to your own demons then go ahead, but no one has the right to demand for someone else to pardon theirs. moreover half the time some shitheel hero says this, 20 minutes later the aforementioned villainous entity is back to being a grade-a asshole again, and MORE innocent people suffer because the heroes were too ‘good’ to do what needed to be done to protect people who couldnt protect themselves (im looking at you, Once Upon a Time). “but revenge isnt the answer” okay but sometimes it is though, babygirl. it might not be the most morally upstanding answer, nor a universal one, but in terms of specific characters sometimes that cumulation and release of every emotional bodyblow theyve been dealt is what they need. particularly in fiction where we actually HAVE the option to explore less lawful means of holding accountability. and idk if its because im not plagued by Catholic Guilt™ or what but there is nothing more satisfying than seeing someone deservedly get theirs. hubris and karma are delicious, moreso when delivered by an injured party. even MORESO if that injured party isnt then made out to be somehow worse than the original villain now because of it.  long story short: please god everyone once and a while just chill tf out and let fictional characters absolutely lay waste to whatever antagonist plagues them and feel good about it after. and ffs unless its really off the rails you dont have to immediately call it ‘dark’ whoever babes. stop being the ‘bigger’ person and you’re left with just a person. and sometimes that can be much more satisfying and liberating to relate to. 

[uwumessenger]

random headcanons i have for each om! character teehee

hi it's been a while since ive posted some hcs bc uni has been kicking my a$$! luckily i only have a few papers to tidy up and im done. here r some hcs for each obey me character that ive accumulated over the past few months wink wonk

most are random but some constants you'll find are what i think they smell like, languages they can speak (other than their native (demon/angel) and eng/jp), and music tastes !

lucifer

i have a strong feeling that he showers twice a day: in the morning after waking up and at night before going to bed

his cologne is probably the type that will last in an elevator for like a week after he uses it once. i dont think this mf ever smells like anything other than his cologne

has a secret folder on his phone of semi-nudes and other scandalous pics from when he felt sexy at the time omg

aside from demon language/eng/jp he can speak french and knows latin

listens to classical stuff yea but he also listens to diavolos mixtapes (re: diavolo's section)

not a fan of sweets but will eat sweet things when craving

really bland sense of humor...borderline cringey 😭✋🏻

mammon

has gone to google images and searched for "inspirational quotes tumblr" "gold aesthetic tumblr" & "relatable crush post tumblr" then reposts it onto his socials or just taps thru them and giggles bc he relates

his cologne doesnt last as long as lucifers and probably smells common. he has to reapply a lot but it's a people pleasing smell. it's cheaper hence the constant reapplying

he probably does have an expensive bottle but is the type to totally overspray...eek

he is canonically a car guy 🥲 and probably tells the one in his room good morning & good night + kisses the hood every once in a while. has tons of car magazines

he doesnt really speak other languages but has attempted to learn spanish before

listens to whatever is on the radio. doesnt rly stan anyone but he eventually will listen to mc's playlist and mc's playlist ONLY

levi

lurks on mc's socials ALL THE TIMEEEE like he will rewatch ur stories and scroll thru ur feed and overanalyze ur tweets/rts or blog posts. if ur mc isnt the type to use sns much he still googles ur name all the damn time just to find any sites u might be on fjdjdjdjskks

probably streams on whatever youtube or twitch devildom site equivalent there is, but only has like 40 or so followers. which he is okay with!

until he sees someone else who gets more attention than him. then the envy starts kicking in bad. especially if they suck 🧍🏻‍♀️

classic gamer boy smell. you know, sweat, tears, must, and (sometimes) axe deodorant. lucifer has to do a scent check before he goes out to any event & lets him use his cologne. how sweet!

kpop stan!! more girl groups than anything and his ults are probably GIRLS GENERATION, wonder girls, twice, loona, & red velvet

cried when ioi disbanded and refused to leave his room. the only thing u could hear was downpour on loop at full blast

can also speak korean & communicate in echolocation like dolphins 😏

satan

listens to country music you cant change my mind

smells like whatever environment he is in. he doesnt really have a designated smell just throws some deodorant on and goes about his day.

he's sooooo bad at driving...gets road rage way too often so his license has been REVOKED

but hes totally a backseat driver. needs to be sedated on long trips

do not let him watch finding nemo when luke asks to watch it. it's not worth it. he will cause mass destruction.

if he was a human or lived long term in the human world he totally has the ability to be a doctor

is studying as many languages as possible, but he mostly knows latin & french & german etc etc. wants to learn all the dead languages out of curiousity

asmo

dont think this mf has ever held down a relationship. ever

he doesnt compromise much & is not willing to change his lifestyle to fit an s/o into it. you keep up with how he lives or it just isnt meant to be (but dont worry! he'll eventually learn...maybe,,,,)

has the hardest time out of everyone when it comes to breaking bad habits

his smell varies bc he uses a variety of perfumes (whatever is the most popular at the time) but he probably sticks to floral and fresh scents. he never uses generic people pleaser scents like mammon

listens to electropop, mainstream pop, & some alternative rock

as for languages he too knows french, spanish, italian, etc. in general, if it's a romance language he knows it!

opposite of lucifer in the sense where he loves sweets and will refrain from eating too many bitter things

i think we all know that asmo is the biggest rockstar of the group! he's probably been in a boy band at least once, but now he makes his own music

has tried to teach mammon how to sing once. ended up in a broken piano and bleeding ears...

beel

i feel like he is SO SHY

like unless ur close to him he will not start conversations or anything

i think he listens to r&b a lot ! and jazz 😎 maybe rock as well

smells like ur typical athlete with undertones of wet wipes. he carries them around bc he likes to clean his hands before he eats & is prepared for when theres no sink nearby

he can drive and he drives really well. no rough turns, parallel parks perfectly, and never has problems with merging

driving with beel is probably really soothing. left hand is steering the other is gripping ur thigh 😫

dont think hes really fluent in any other language but hes probably semi fluent in korean because levi wanted beel to help him out

definitely know how to order food in practically every language tho HAHAHA

belphie

he reminds me of randall from monsters inc

smells kinda musty IM SORRY but not the way levi does hes more like the kind of musty u feel or smell when it's a shitty morning

but that's only because hes so lazy, when he cleans up hes like satan

has definitely murdered multiple people before. mc is not the first 😐✋🏻

with that being said belphie has been put into prison at least twice when visiting the human world, the mf had such a strong hatred for humans theres no way he never got into trouble before

lucifer probably broke him out and they used the pen thingies from men in black to erase everyones memory of that 🙄

dont think he listens to anything other than music that'll put him to sleep. really likes lazy song by bruno mars but thinks that bruno mars put too much effort into the song. should have been one acapella verse and then finish

similar to beel hes only semi fluent in one language, probably french bc of lucifer. doesnt remember much but knows a couple of lullabies and bedtime stories

the sandman used to be his bff until they drifted. they do, however, like and comment on each other's sns posts.

diavolo

once he found out who nicki minaj was he became her #1 stan

def an ariana grande stan too 😌

choreographs dances when hes stressed...idk just seems like a diavolo thing to do

also makes rly bad soundcloud rap music sometimes. turns to poetry when hes feeling emo but only lucifer knows this. barbatos is suspicious of him but doesnt have enough evidence to confirm.

his dad is like hudson abadeer from adventure time aka marceline's dad? something must have influenced him to want to unite the 3 realms + he would need the approval to do so, so his dad must be more chill than all the others before him 🧍🏻‍♀️ IDK ok anyway

currently going through his hamilton phase bc of mc. whether mc's intent was to get him hooked onto it or just to explain it bc of something he saw online, he tells everyone that he found out abt it bc of mc!

this man cannot drive his skills are only second to jumin han

not too fond of many languages but knows the widely spoken ones like spanish, mandarin, etc. if it's taught in high school he knows it

smells like a las vegas casino. not sure why but i feel like he does. but there's also an interesting & nice smell to him if he embraces you. it's a smell you cant quite identify. but it smells nostalgic, it's mysterious, and it's tempting.

barbatos

very calm demeanor but underneath hes WILD hes probably done everything at least once oof

he just has a lot of control and stability over himself (must be nice!)

on a more angsty note i feel like he might have had his heartbroken sO BAD IDK he is hurting and maybe that's why hes so willing to obey diavolo and not abuse his time lord power thingies bc he learned his lesson the hard way

mans is so smart he knows every language you could switch languages mid conversation with him and he wouldnt be thrown off. he'd probably start speaking it too.

BUT HE SPEAKS VIET P E R F E C T L Y

listens to the same stuff as lucifer but also likes eminem. likes the movie 8 mile but criticized it heavily

have you ever been to a chinese herb shop? naturally, he smells like that. his room probably smells like it too. he doesnt really have a significant smell like some of the others

when he bakes he smells like whatever hes baking tho

one of the few out of everyone listed to have been able to travel to literally everywhere

solomon

was probably on kitchen nightmares once, but only to get feedback from chef gordon ramsay. then he used his magic to prevent the episode from airing...

was in an orchestra, one of the best times of his life. played the violin. asmo watched him in the audience once, but didnt approach him until well after that performance.

he CANNOT sing. he can, however, rap.

doesnt listen to music. he listens to podcasts! but every now and then he turns on background music, but prefers it to be instrumental stuff

never wears sunglasses. also does not have a driver's license. cannot drive a regular car. could maybe fly an airplane.

due to his immortality he has learned almost every language to exist, but finds himself speaking mandarin the most. knows most dialects too

similar smell to barbatos but u can also smell some sunscreen on him too. like, generic beach day suncreen

he has a lot of pact marks, so he once had the idea to match foundation to his skin. it took him two weeks but he eventually perfected a combination. yes he will help u find ur perfect shade if u ask him to

simeon

another country music man. has also made a tiktok or two to that one song that goes "he cant even bait a hook." they are private tho

angel country music exists and simeon invented it

if he visits the human world and wears more causal clothing he probably tucks his shirt into his pants

wears a speedo at the beach i tell u, speedo at the beach

he can speak german...i can feel it

uses his pointer finger to type and holds the phone like 2 inches away from his face so sometimes his nose will push a key hence all his typos

has no signature smell. he simply smells like your favorite scent all the time. if multiple people are around him at once, everyone smells a different smell. it's pretty rad

"what does he smell like to himself?" u may be asking. hmm...a church? 💀

luke

his first pet was a goldfish and a few months before the exchange program happened, he was given a koi pond!

secretly likes hanging out with levi sometimes just to play with henry. makes him miss his pet fish back home

so his favorite movie is probably finding nemo and he threw a fit when nemo touched the butt

luke is probably learning german bc of simeon, though he'd like to learn more of the dead languages just for fun

i dont think he listens to music often or has any preferences, he just listens to whatever is playing on the radio

but he finds himself listening to the music mc listens to

smells like freshly baked goods all the time. or fresh laundry. but like, not combined. just depends on the day

[monsterqueers]

Nonhuman Still A Decade Later - An Essay

So ive been identifying as a therian for around decade now, and otherkin and fictionkin about 6-ish(7?). I never made huge amounts of insightful posts, and I don't have any hot takes to add to other people’s. My internet presence is largely a fandom one with a side of social justice things, and thus even if I did have something I felt worth saying on the topic beyond yet another awakening story or an explanation of my past lives and whathaveyou, the viewership would be small and those who might find worth in the post wouldn’t see it.

I am no greymuzzle, no queer elder, no ‘fandom old’, I was 12-ish and heard ‘therian’ on a furry podcast and went ‘oh, thats the word for how I am. Everything makes sense now’ and proceeded to lurk mostly thereafter. I don't have all that much wisdom, im just vibing over here. But, I can talk about what its like, ten years later.

'Growing Out Of It'

I mean, you might. You might realize you aren’t a wolf, or a angel, or a pikachu or whatever. You might work through your misanthropy and gender dysphoria and trauma and internalized woes and fraught teenage experiences and come out the other side finding you aren’t these things. There's no shame in that, and it does happen.

These no shame in having a past life that you used to ID strongly as, but don't anymore, or you find you were a different kintype than you thought, or that you were human all along, even years later.

You could still ID as the thing but its not as bright anymore- but rather how humans view being human; barely of note most of the time. You may go from shifting every day heavily to being slightly shifted at all times and spiking rarely.

BUT

But, not only does that not make your experience in-the-moment any less real, but it also could just never happen. You might never have how you identify fade or change.

It might sound scary, it might be scary in the moment, even, but there is nothing truly to fear from change like this, nor from discovering what you are, really. It is a new evolution of you. It may be sad, to say goodbye to a label you've had for so long, that helped you find friends, or got you through tough times, but it doesn’t fit anymore. Marie Kondo has the right of it- thank that label, that community, that identity, and move to what does fit- what helps you.

It might also sound scary, that you will be a nonhuman thing in a meatsuit that doesn't fit until you die, that you might not ever grow out of the uncontrolled shifting and the aching dysphoria and homesickness for places you have never been. And maybe it will never go away, but it will get easier. You will find coping methods, supportive people, have access to resources and help. Eventually, these things hurt less. You get used to it. You settle into your skin, even if it isnt the right one, its still yours.

Cringe

At this point, I am immune to cringe. You will get there too, probably. Im a plural, nonhuman, neurodivergent, furry, fictionkind, genderqueer and regular queer magic-using, anime-watching, kinky fandom freak of a pagan and im living my best life. I wear a collar in public every day. My face mask has a cat face on it and I plan to get more just like it. Im going to be adding a tail and claw gauntlets to my itinerary of everyday wear once I get something properly washable. At some point you just stop caring as much about how others perceive you. So what if what you do is embarrassing and weird? It makes you happy, right? You aren't going to get hurt wearing it? Then go for it! You have nothing to lose but your shame. People will try to shame you, that is true, but as time goes on, you will find you give less of a shit about if people laugh or stare. You can bottle it up, or you can be free. Just be sure to be safe.

The Disk Horse

Once you’ve been here awhile, drama becomes the same cycles- the same drama llama, different day. You’ve already seen that argument, years ago. You’ve read that thread, you were there for that community debate that settled how the forum would do things. You’ve seen the same types of trolls, the same bad actors pop up. It gets old, after awhile.

Maybe you used to have the energy to debate and discuss and keep up with all of that, but you probably don’t now. Or if you do, its simply to inform and lurk and not to debate anymore.

Your love of debate will fade when you have the same one every six months for ten years. Trust me.

Dunking on trolls and rude assholes and debating with KFFs and anti-kin and having intra-community fistfights is going to lose its shine, especially when you look back at the posts years from now and see how many hours you wasted typing at people who aren’t going to listen to facts and certainly wont listen to you.

Daily Life

Its- normal. I am a dragon, I am a cat, I am living life.

Personally, I have some past lives I no longer identify as that I used to- even though the past life is still there. I have kintypes i've since learned I had kinfeels of only because of other identity relations (paratypes, I believe the new word is called). I used to shift often, I don't much anymore, its a low-grade 20% all the time. Since figuring out and coming to terms with our plurality, some kinfeels were found to belong to people who are not me. We have access to buying things that alleviate dysphoria, we no longer have the horrible emotional state we had in high school that exacerbated nonhuman difficulties.

Life is good, strangely enough. And I am still a cat and a dragon in a human meatsuit (with some other folks in here with me!), and that is just how I like it.

All and all- whats being nonhuman like after ten years of having the same label? Normal. It feels comfortable. Like living. I have always been these things, and I very likely will always feel this way. I no longer feel shame for doing things I used to be scolded for, I no longer feel quite so discontent with my physical form, I feel whole (ironically, being many people in one body).

Its just...Living, but as a nonhuman. There isn't much more to say.