#this just reinforces to me that distance is for our best

[ravegore]

"Raw as fuck" ass shit yeah i bet you think it's so based to vague people you don't like huh. You're 24 stop embarrassing yourself and grow the fuck up this is so childish

[allaboutthemoonlight]

How to Build Self Discipline

Cultivating self-discipline is the way towards personal growth and achieving long-term goals. To me, it’s really all about making choices that honor your well-being and identity.

Understand that self-discipline is about self love and respect

It’s not about punishment or deprivation, but rather caring for yourself enough to make choices that align with your long-term well-being and goals.

You’re showing yourself the respect you deserve by honoring and committing to changes you want to make.

It’s all about recognizing your worth and having the motivation and courage to pursue what’s really best for you, even when it requires a lot of effort and decision-making.

Frame your identity in a way that includes discipline

How we act directly ties to our identities and how we believe we are. If you believe you’re a successful individual, you’ll live a life framed by confidence and determination. If you believe you’re someone who is lazy and unmotivated, you’ll struggle to find the drive to pursue your goals and aspirations.

Gaining discipline is all about acting as the person you believe you are and moving through life in a way that’s consistent with your determined identity. The key here is to try to imagine who you are at your highest self in a disciplined state of mind.

To start this, ask yourself these questions and slowly arrange your life in a way so there’s no distance between who you are now and your highest self:

What does your day look like

What do you eat

What do you wear

What does your week look like

What does your work day look like

What hobbies do you have

What’s your morning and night routine

Who are you surrounded by

What do you say yes and no to

Have systems in your life

I recently wrote a post about habits and mentioned the idea of systems versus goals. Here, I want to delve a bit deeper into that concept within the context of self-discipline.

To me, another way to truly live a disciplined life is to establish starting systems, something that will propel you past hurdles and reduce the friction that accompanies change.

Let’s say you want to improve your eating habits and cultivate discipline in consuming less sugar while incorporating more whole foods into your diet. You could begin by implementing a system of prepping healthy snacks or meals in advance at the start of each week, or however you see fit. By having these snacks readily available, you eliminate the need for decision-making, making it easier to adhere to your goal.

Anything that serves as a reminder or facilitates consistent action toward your desired outcome is a valuable system in your life.

Be okay with not doing something and embrace the mindset of small wins

This may seem paradoxical in the context of developing self-discipline, but being okay with not doing something is crucial. There are times in life when we need tough love and motivation, but there are also moments when compassion is the driving force that propels us forward.

When you don’t follow through with something, whether it’s going for a run or preparing a healthy dinner, it’s important to be okay with it. You don’t need to shame yourself or feel guilty for not taking action because that will only reinforce negative thought patterns, making it harder to create the change you desire.

Consider this: if you miss a planned run and spiral into self-criticism, you’re more likely to avoid running altogether. However, if you approach the situation with understanding and compassion, you’ll be more inclined to try again next time.

This is where small daily victories come into play. Sometimes, all we need is one small step forward to develop a new habit and maintain consistency. Whatever you're striving to improve or change, if it feels daunting, tell yourself, "Just for today, I'll do a 15-minute workout instead of the full hour," or "Just for today, I'll read 5 pages instead of the entire chapter," and celebrate these as small victories. Doing so not only helps you establish new habits but also allows you to acknowledge the progress you've made and the trust you've built within yourself.

—Luna

[wintaerbaer]

things we don’t say: part 2 (kth)

banner credit: @itaeewon​

summary: Three years after graduating college, everything seems to be falling into place for you: stable job, cozy apartment, and a long-term boyfriend with a ring box hidden in his desk drawer. But when a mutual friend makes a remark that your best friend of nearly two decades is clearly in love with you, you realize that life may not be as simple as it seems.

pairing: Taehyung x Reader (with some VERY brief Seokjin x Reader and Yoongi x Reader)

rating: 18+ (minors dni)

genres: best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slooooow burn, angst, fluff

word count: 11.4k

chapter warnings: IN THE SOOP TAE, swearing, alcohol consumption, feelings?, implied sexual situations (not for oc), that chicken fight game you can play in a pool (definitely not the animal cruelty kind, just want to clarify), bartender jungkook (who is also an absolute MENACE), infidelity, namjoon’s chest

a/n: we’re heading into the thick of things now! thank you to everyone who has shown this series love thus far. and even to those who may be silently reading, i appreciate each and every one of you. these characters have been in my head for years, and it’s so incredible to finally get to share them!

PREVIOUS // SERIES MASTERLIST // MASTERLIST

Read on ao3

You’re starting to think you might be a terrible friend.

It's been a week and a half since Maya's art show when Jimin slides into the chair next to you in your office building's cafeteria. You've worked at the same company since graduation but in different departments, so while you don't see each other every day, you occasionally grab lunch together or pop over to each other's desk for a quick chat.

"Hey, stranger," he chirps, setting his food on the table before peering closely at your face. "Almost forgot what you looked like."

You roll your eyes at him. After the incident at the gallery sent your brain into an emotional spiral, you had decided to put some distance between you and Taehyung until you could figure out what the hell this all meant for your friendship. As a result, you hadn't been over to the guys' apartment since then—an unusually long amount of time for you to stay away.

Jimin frowns at your lack of a response, leaning forward until you look at him. "You avoiding us?"

"No," you say simply, busying yourself by taking a bite of your lunch.

"Sorry, let me rephrase. Are you avoiding Tae?"

You chew slowly, carefully considering your words before settling on, "Why would I be?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking. For a friend of course." Jimin shrugs. "He mentioned that you haven't really been talking to him—asked if I knew why. Plus, you missed two Sunday meal preps."

"I've missed them before—"

"Two!"

You purse your lips, guilt creeping in at the thought of Taehyung spending two nights cooking alone as you broke your tradition. "You can tell him what I told him—I've been busy."

Jimin frowns again, watching you stare at the table as you chew another bite. "Is something going on? Did he say something to you?"

"About what?" you ask, eyes snapping up to his.

"I..." he hesitates, suddenly uneasy. "I don't know. I just know that I've never seen you two like this."

"Like what?"

"Apart."

You give a dry laugh, more out of nerves than anything. "Chim, we're not literally attached at the hip, you know? We have our own lives."

"Yah, you know that's not what I mean." He sighs. "I can just tell he's missing you, that's all.”

If getting called out on missing meal prep nights made you feel guilty, then this is the true slap to the face. Taehyung may be mild and introspective by nature—a quiet force in his own right—but he holds close those who are dear to him, and you know he can't be pleased with your recent silence.

Still, any guilt tingling through your veins inevitably winds up outweighed by the memory of the flash of heartbreak that had crossed his face at the party, reinforcing your need for space.

"Well we'll see each other in a couple days," you murmur, a tiny burst of excitement breaking into your mind at the thought of your upcoming vacation.

Property of Jungkook's family, the beach house rarely used by his parents had become a staple for your friend group over the years as the go-to site for New Year’s parties and summer holidays. When Hoseok and Sunny had lamented the astronomical cost of the wedding and how they were going to opt out of having bachelor and bachelorette parties to help save money, Jungkook had offered up the house to do a combined pre-wedding bash to celebrate their upcoming nuptials.

Jimin taps his fingers on the table, looking at you quietly before accepting the change in topic. "It should be fun. Jace coming?"

"No, he has that conference."

"Damn," Jimin huffs. "Does that guy ever get a day off?"

"Guess he had to afford the ring somehow," you say, the corners of your mouth tilting up on impulse.

Jimin smiles back. "And here I was, wishfully thinking we might get a front row seat to a proposal this weekend."

“Not his vibe.” You scrunch your nose. “He never went to the house as frequently as everyone else. And I don’t know if he’d want a bunch of other people around. At least not people who know us.”

“Aww, why not?” Jimin whines. “We could all celebrate with you! And Maya could take pictures!”

“Or Tae.”

“Or—yeah, or Tae.”

You pretend not to have noticed his hesitation or the way he startled at that, and certainly not the way it made your pulse jump. Has everyone really been seeing this except you?

“Regardless,” you say, trying to ignore the sudden nausea rolling in your stomach, “I don’t think he’ll do it in front of you guys. And if he was going to ask Maya to take pictures, I think he would’ve done so by now if he was going to propose soon.”

When you had told Maya about the ring the afternoon after the gallery opening, she’d seemed genuinely surprised, clapping her hands together and immediately calling dibs on being maid of honor.

Go figure.

“Ah, well,” Jimin sighs. “There’s always the planning to help with.” He holds up a hand and begins ticking off his fingers. “And the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, rehersal dinner, eventual baby shower—“

“Woah, Park, getting a little ahead of yourself now, no?”

“Y/N, this is an exciting time for you! I’m excited for you!” He slurps down a mouthful of his noodle bowl. “And maybe I’m living a little vicariously through you. Maybe. A little.”

“Geez, Kook’s right, you are in a drought.”

“Oh, great. You too now?”

You giggle as he dramatically presses a hand to his forehead, food puffing out his cheeks.

“But really though,” he says, leaning forward again with concern in his eyes, “you are excited, right? After you told us about the ring, you seemed a bit off.”

Shit.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I haven’t seen you get drunk that fast in a while.”

“I was happy for Maya and Tae.”

“And yourself?”

“Yeah, and myself.”

Jimin stares at you for a long few seconds, clearly not buying what you’re selling. “Fine. Don’t tell me.” He leans back in his chair in a way that says he’s letting you off the hook. “But you’d better figure out this weird thing with Tae before he corners you at the house. Good luck avoiding him then.”

Okay, maybe not entirely off the hook.

The rest of the short work week passes in a blink, and you quickly find yourself packing for your trip on Wednesday night, the plan being to leave Thursday morning and stay until Monday. Jace fiddles with his phone on the bed, occasionally glancing up to watch you flit around the room as you fill your travel bag with an excessive amount of clothes.

"Are you leaving for five days or a month?" he teases as you cram ten pairs of underwear into a side pocket.

"I like to keep my options open," you say. "Never know what could happen with the weather."

"Or your bladder, apparently."

"Hey, it's gonna be hot. I'll have to hydrate."

He laughs at that before his eyes settle on you with a warmth that has you shifting under his gaze.

“What?”

“I just love you, you know?” he hums.

Warmth blooms in your chest. “I love you, too.”

“It’s going to suck being apart.”

“I know,” you sigh. “I wish you could’ve come.”

At your words, you feel like you can literally see a light bulb turn on in his head as his expression brightens with an idea. “Do you want to take my jacket?”

He can only mean one jacket. You’d found it together a month after you started dating at a thrift shop downtown, and it’s been his signature piece of clothing ever since. Jace had pulled the bomber jacket and its bright green satin off the rack, and your first reaction had been to laugh. The thing practically glowed.

“You’ll look like a traffic light,” you’d giggled.

But Jace was already pulling the shimmering material over his shoulders. “Consider this your green light to jump my bones whenever you want,” he’d said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“I’d feel bad separating you from it, to be honest,” you say in the present. “I’m pretty sure a piece of your soul is tied to that jacket by now.”

He pouts. “You’ll be carrying a piece of my heart already; what’s a piece of my soul?”

“Smooth.” You poke at your bag. “I may not have any extra room in here though.”

“Fair enough, but if you change your mind, the offer still stands. What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Eleven. Should get us there a little before lunch."

"Us?" He pauses, setting down his phone. "You're driving with Tae?"

"No, Maya." A tinge of panic drops into your chest at the mention of Taehyung's name. Does he know? "Why?"

Jace shrugs, nonchalant. "No reason, just wondering. And you're back Monday?"

"Mhm, by dinnertime." You settle on the bed next to him, trailing your fingers along his forearm. "Do you want to maybe do a date night after work that day?"

He sighs deeply, tilting his head back against the headboard. "We have our conference debrief Monday, so who knows when I'll get home." You nod in understanding, but the disappointment must show on your face because then Jace is leaning forward to take your hand in his. "I'll tell you what, I know work has been keeping me from you lately, so let me make up for it.”

The pads of his fingers lightly dance along your jaw. "Fancy date night next Saturday? That upscale Italian place on Fifth that you love so much? I can make a reservation."

Your heart pounds as you will your eyes not to subconsciously drift to his desk, and you put on your best poker face. "It's a date."

The drive proves an easy one for you and Maya as sunny weather and a surprising lack of traffic has you at the house in under an hour. As you drive through the iron gates, a small mansion, white and pristine, spreads itself out before you, and you're once again reminded of just how wealthy a family Jungkook comes from.

You had grown up very well-off, sure, but Jungkook’s parents and their vast real estate portfolio are on an entirely different level of rich. And while your parents had immediately cut you off right after you left for college, Jungkook’s parents continue to supplement his bartending income with a monthly allowance to this day.

The word “spoiled” is a bit of an understatement when it comes to your friend.

"You sure you don't want anything more serious with Kook?" you tease Maya, who sits in the passenger seat with her dark sunglasses over her eyes. "All this could be yours."

"As if," she scoffs. "Not worth it to have to put up with his ass for the rest of eternity."

You key in the code for the front door and are greeted by a multitude of voices, the cavernous open-concept kitchen/dining room/living room only serving to amplify those inside. Hoseok and Sunny are quick to reel you in, introducing you to Sunny's three bridesmaid friends, Hoseok's brother (who you’ve met a few times before), and—

"Joonie!"

Namjoon swoops in to pull you into a bear hug while lamenting how long it's been since he last saw you. Hoseok's best friend since freshman year of college, the former pre-med major had been a core member of your group of friends, but med school combined with helping to manage his family's restaurant means that you rarely see him nowadays in spite of him sharing an apartment with Hoseok and Sunny.

"How's the roomie search going?" you ask as Namjoon pulls Maya into an equally crushing hug.

"Mmph, still no luck. Though I may have an old friend from grade school moving into the city soon, so we'll see if that pans out." He throws a quirked brow at Hoseok. "But I haven't entirely given up on convincing these two to reconsider breaking up the dream team."

"Ah, Joon, you really wanna live with two newlyweds that badly?" Hoseok whines. "Just think about it for two seconds. Really think about it."

Namjoon clicks his tongue, cheeks now tinged with a dusting of pink. "Okay, maybe you have a point."

The light mingling continues as everyone settles in, and you find yourself taking stock of the kitchen and planning a grocery run with Sunny's friends when the last three members of your party come spilling through the door. Your companions head back to the entrance for introductions, but you stay firmly put, mindlessly busying yourself with plates and silverware, nerves alight at the thought of who just entered the house.

Voices still echoing from the living room, it's only a minute or so later when you sense the quiet presence of someone stepping into the kitchen, and, ever in sync, you don't need to turn around to know who.

"Hey, can I talk to you?"

You turn on instinct, your body responding to his voice before your brain can remind you of your avoidance. Taehyung leans against the kitchen island in a long-sleeved yellow shirt, baseball cap turned backwards on his head. Chin slightly tilted towards his chest, he's gazing at you from under his lashes, and you recognize it as nerves. "I, um, I'm about to go on a grocery run."

"I can come with?" he offers. "Keep you company, carry the heavy stuff—"

"I made plans to go with Sunny's friends, actually."

"Oh, okay." His shoulders drop ever so slightly, and you glance away at the shoreline crashing in the distance, anywhere but at your best friend looking like a kicked puppy in front of you because of your own cowardice.

"Listen, Y/N—"

"Later?" You quickly interrupt, not mentally prepared to have this conversation right now, especially with Jimin casting you looks from where he stands in the living room.

Taehyung licks his lips, seeming to scan your face for something before he swallows down words on the tip of his tongue, grimacing as if they're nails. "Yeah, okay. Later."

When you said later, you truly meant it. While you and Sunny’s friends (Taehyung thinks their names were Iseul, Hana, and Yumi) run out for groceries, the rest of the group bustles around the house, splitting up rooms, settling in, and eventually migrating to the pool. Taehyung tries to catch you again when you return, but you hurry past him with a box of liquor, mumbling something about helping Jungkook set up the bar out back. Sunny’s friends dump the rest of the groceries on the kitchen island before scurrying away to the back deck with everyone else, which is how Taehyung winds up unpacking the bags.

Alone.

Nice.

He’s pushing a box of ramyeon on top of the fridge when he hears the back door click and slide open behind him.

“Need a hand?”

Namjoon walks into the kitchen, fingers poking at one of the bags.

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

They unload the groceries in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before Namjoon says, “So how have things been?”

Taehyung shrugs a shoulder. “Ah, you know, the usual. You?”

“Same.”

Quiet takes over again, and Taehyung thinks the conversation has ended before it even really started as he moves to place a bottle of orange juice into the fridge. But then—

“I heard about Y/N and Jace.”

Taehyung freezes mid-motion, the cool air from the open fridge slipping out and chilling his skin. When he looks up at Namjoon, the other man is studying him with a calm intensity that raises goosebumps along his arms. It’s not his first time being under Namjoon’s microscope, but he’ll never get used to the feeling of being simultaneously picked apart and comforted. Because while his friend may exude a quiet warmth, he always gives the sense that there’s also a million calculations going on under the surface at any given time.

It’s easy to let one’s guard down around Namjoon.

With that in mind, Taehyung opts for the simplest answer, slowly closing the refrigerator and saying, “Yeah?”

Namjoon nods, equally slow. “Are you alright?”

“I’m great,” Taehyung says, breaking the eye contact and closing the refrigerator to reach for another bag. “She’s always wanted this. And Jace is…” He finds himself rooting around his brain trying to find a descriptor for the guy. For someone who he’s known for several years, it’s bizarre how he can’t find a single word for him.

Weird.

“She’s happy with him,” is what he eventually comes out with.

“But is he right for her?” Namjoon presses.

“You think he’s not?”

Namjoon reaches up to put a few bags of snacks into a cupboard. “I don’t know. It’s like he was always around in college, but he was never truly present, you know?”

“That’s a Joon-ism if I’ve ever heard one.”

Namjoon smiles, a dimple dotting his cheek. “You don’t get what I mean?”

“No, I do. But that’s not important, is it? It doesn’t matter if we think he’s the right guy; it matters if she thinks he’s the right guy. And if she does, then I support it. It’s not my place to do anything else.”

The words settle in the room, and he means every one.

“You know, I’ve always admired the two of you,” Namjoon says after a moment. “The way you care for each other is…extraordinary, to say the very least.”

The sincerity in his voice makes Taehyung blush. “Well, we only had each other growing up, you know? She saved my life when we were kids. I truly believe that.”

“I know, you’ve said that before. She gave you a way out.”

“A way out, a purpose, a friend.” He crumples a plastic bag into his hand. “She chose me when no one else did. Not even my own family.”

And you had, when no one else seemed to want anything to do with him, there you were, hanging by his side like his own personal guardian angel.

“She’s the most incredible person I know, and I would just…do anything for her.”

“Including watch her marry him, apparently.”

“Yes,” Taehyung says. Unhesitating. “If that’s what she wants.”

“And where does that leave you?”

Taehyung has nothing to answer that with—his worst fear laid bare in front of him. It’s the thought that keeps him up at night, plagues the very marrow of his bones every time someone mentions that tiny velvet box. Your childhood friendship may have allowed you to grow together as one through the years, but just as trees grow apart as they grow upwards, it feels like only a matter of time before your branches no longer intertwine, drawn apart by jobs and relationships, life and love.

How long until you’ve outgrown him? How long until you’ve started your own family and left him behind?

He has no right to you, and he knows that. The last thing he would ever want to do is hold you back, but perhaps a part of him thought he’d have more time. Now, with you suddenly not talking to him for reasons he can’t even begin to grasp, he feels like he may have already lost you.

Namjoon puts him out of his misery. “Do you know what Plutarch said about friendship?”

“Who?”

“I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.”

Taehyung stares, stunned and confused. Because Namjoon couldn’t possibly be suggesting…

“You’re saying I should tell her to say no to him?”

“I’m saying it’s possible to be selfless to a fault.”

It doesn’t sound terribly different in Taehyung’s mind, but he tries to consider Namjoon’s words regardless. Your happiness has always been his utmost priority, but could his unconditional support really be doing more harm than good? He likes to believe that if he felt your well-being were truly at risk, he would speak up.

Then again, with the way his friend is looking at him, he also can’t help but feel like he’s missing something important.

“What are you trying to specialize in again?” he asks, deflecting.

“Psychiatry.”

“Of course.”

Namjoon chuckles. “It’ll all work out in the end.” He winks, moving to rejoin your friends outside. “Life finds a way.”

You’ve managed to evade Taehyung all day, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t felt his eyes on you.

The early hours had been easy, your supermarket run giving you an (albeit weak) excuse to put some physical distance between the two of you. But it’s becoming increasingly difficult to maintain, especially after your group gathered together to decide what to do tonight.

When you’d entered the living room, Taehyung had already been seated at the end of the couch, a free spot open on his left; with the way that his hand had been resting, it was almost as if he was saving it for you. Instead, you’d chosen an armchair diagonally across from him, squirming more and more the longer he looked at you. Throughout the entire conversation, as the group decided upon going to the beach bar down the street to kick off your first night at the house, you don’t think his eyes left you even once.

You’re being a coward, and you know it.

Now, you sit at the vanity in your room, struggling with your necklace and just about ready to give up on the damn thing so you don’t hold everyone else up. The clasp doesn't want to cooperate, your fingers can't seem to get purchase on the thin metal, and really, who are you trying to look good for anyway?

Right as you prepare to abandon the cause and stuff the offending item back in your bag, someone knocks on the door and you yell for them to come in.

Taehyung saunters into the room, now wearing a black t-shirt and shorts, his hair pushed back in such a way that you can tell he's been running his hands through it. His eyes skim your figure as he softly closes the door behind him, and you feel your pulse double in pace. "Need help?"

"It's okay—I, um—" but before you can stutter out an excuse, he's already taking the thin chain from your hands, and all you can do is try not to focus on how his fingers feel brushing the back of your neck.

"There. Easy peasy." He eyes you up and down again before clearing his throat. "Looks good on you."

"I, uh, thanks." Your voice is practically a whisper, and you busy yourself with your make-up case...which may have been an adequate distraction if not for the fact that you've already done your make-up and so your hands are only left to wander aimlessly. Glancing up, you catch Taehyung gazing at you over your shoulder in the mirror, and the intensity of his stare has you dropping the case back to the table. "What?"

"You're avoiding me." He states it as a fact, eyes unwavering, and you turn to face him.

"I'm not."

"You are." He searches your face as if to find the answer written there in big, bold letters. "Why?"

A tiny spider makes its way across the corner of the ceiling, and you find yourself staring at it as you chew on your bottom lip, not knowing what to say.

"Hey," Taehyung murmurs, pulling your attention back to him. "It's me, yeah? We don't keep secrets."

But still you hesitate. "You won't get mad?"

He reaches out to hook his pinky with yours. "Of course not."

Letting out a shaky breath, you ask, "Are you okay with Jace proposing?" The question hangs between you for a second, the air thickening with apprehension.

His eyebrows press together, confused. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, it's just..." You pause to collect your thoughts. "When I told you about the ring at the gallery opening, there was a second where you appeared to be…bothered."

"Ahh, well..." He pushes his hands through his hair, mulling over his next words. "Do you want me to be honest?"

"Please."

"I know we're friendly, but I've just never been his biggest fan, even in college." Taehyung shrugs. "You know I want the best for you, and he seems like a good guy and all, I just—I don't know." Another run of his hand through his hair. "I just get a weird vibe from him sometimes."

You smirk at that. "A weird vibe?"

"Yeah, like," he licks his lips, still fidgeting. "I can't put my finger on anything in particular, just something about him rubs me the wrong way sometimes." You open your mouth to respond and he quickly cuts in, "But I will 100% support you! If he's who you want and he makes you happy and treats you well, then I will cheer you on the whole way. Hell, I'll even walk you down the aisle if you want me to." That draws a small laugh from you, and he smiles. "If you’re happy, then I’m happy for you. That's all I care about."

You take in his beaming figure and are reminded of how thankful you are to have this man in your life. But the voice in the back of your head is still not entirely placated and before you can stop yourself, you're blurting, "And that's really it?"

Taehyung's smile fades, lips slowly turning downward into a frown, and you silently curse yourself. After seventeen years of friendship, the man can practically read your mind and you know it. "What aren't you telling me?"

You sigh. Seems like there's no way getting around it at this point, and so you decide you may as well dive in. Tucking your hair behind your ears, you quietly ask, "You don’t…have feelings for me?”

Taehyung's eyes blow wide, and you're surprised his jaw isn't touching the floor. After several moments of stunned silence, he lets out a strangled, "What?"

"No, I just—" you stutter. "Look, someone said you did, and after you seemed upset about Jace proposing, I thought maybe..."

He's deeply scowling now, the crease back between his eyebrows, and a flare of his nostrils indicates that he's pissed. "Who?" he asks.

"Who what?"

"Who said that?"

"Tae—"

"No, Y/N, if people want to talk about me behind my back and screw with my private life, I have a right to know who."

He stares you down until you purse your lips and break. "Maya."

"Fucking hell," he says under his breath as he rubs at the lines in his forehead, and his lack of a denial has your head spinning.

"So it's true?"

"Y/N—"

"You haven't answered the question—"

"No!" He almost shouts it. "I don't."

"Because if you did have feelings for me, you could tell me. No secrets, right?"

He lets out a huff and stuffs his hands in his pockets, leveling his gaze back at you. "No," he says. Firmly. Definitively. "No, Y/N, I don’t have feelings for you."

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. But something in your blood continues to tingle.

"Okay."

And really? You should've known. Should've trusted to get the truth from him and not secondhand from your friends who, though they mean well, have been known to meddle and gossip (and sure, maybe that includes yourself at times).

The heightened tension has dissipated from the room, but the two of you are still left looking awkwardly at each other. After a stretch of time, Taehyung shifts on his feet and asks, "Y/N, are we good?"

There's a hint of fear in his eyes, and it has any residual worry you're feeling melting away. This is still Tae. Your Tae.

"Of course we are." You link your pinky with his. "Always."

The beach bar is relatively crowded for a Thursday night, the warm summer air and mix of bodies driving your group to disperse around the venue. Some migrate towards the live band, while others choose to mingle (and flirt) with the other patrons.

Noticing the way one guy at the bar has been eyeing you since you got here, Taehyung sticks close to your side, just in case. That is, until Namjoon finds his way back to the two of you looking harried, drawing you in so he can gently rest his hands on your elbows.

“Y/N, can I borrow you?” His light smile and the way he leans in close are clearly meant to project the image of intimacy, but his eyes are desperately screaming for help. “There’s an intoxicated woman who seems determined to motorboat me, and I don’t know where Maya is. I need a fake girlfriend.”

You pretend to swoon. “Joonie, with a chest like that, I’d be honored to be your fake girlfriend.”

Something aches behind Taehyung’s ribs as he watches you walk away on Namjoon’s arm when he just got you talking to him again. Still, a bit of breathing room is probably for the best. His conversation with you has him rattled; he doesn’t think his pulse has fully returned to normal since you suggested he has feelings for you. At the very least, he was able to smooth things out, which has noticeably eased the weight he’s been carrying the past couple of weeks.

But speaking of your conversation, you being summoned away by Namjoon gives him the opportunity to address the other elephant in the room.

He scans the crowd, determinedly ignoring the woman who’s been trying to catch his eye from a few tables over. (She pouts in his peripheral vision, shifting the neckline of her shirt to sit lower on her chest.) Finally spotting his target making her way back from the bathroom, he quickly moves to intercept her before she can join you and Namjoon at the bar.

Maya startles as he tugs lightly on her arm, leading her to a quieter spot towards the edge of the beach before abruptly spinning to face her.

"What the fuck?"

"What?" she quirks an eyebrow as if in askance but her overall countenance says that she knows exactly what this conversation is going to be about.

"You know what."

"Maybe, but I want to hear you say it."

Taehyung takes a deep breath. He loves Maya like a sister, but that sibling relationship means that she often gets under his skin like one, too. "You told Y/N that I'm in love with her?"

Her other eyebrow joins the first one in climbing her forehead. "Are you?"

"No."

Maya scoffs. "I'm going to give you another chance to say that, but try to sound like you actually believe it this time."

"You had no right—"

"So you're not denying it now?"

"I said no."

"Okay, that time was better, but it could still use some work—"

"Maya, fuck!" He scrubs a hand over his face. "Don't do this."

"She needs to know! What did you tell her?"

“That I don’t—“

“I thought you two didn’t lie to each other.”

“I didn’t!”

“You’re full of shit, and you know it.”

He’d swear he can feel his eyelid twitch. Maya always seems to know which buttons to press to get a reaction out of him. "She's getting married, for fuck's sake!"

"No, she has a boyfriend with a ring box in his drawer."

"Same difference."

"It's not."

"It is."

"She hasn't said yes yet, Tae."

He goes quiet at that. It’s painfully reminiscent of his conversation with Namjoon, and yet he’s equally at a loss. What are they honestly expecting him to do here? What could he possibly do that would accomplish anything other than drive you away, and rightfully so?

Maya’s gaze rakes over his face, scrutinizing him with a mixture of frustration and pity. "Tell me it isn't killing you."

Taehyung licks his lips, looking out across the bar until he finds where you’re standing with Namjoon. The latter says something that makes you laugh, and his stomach flips watching the way your eyes twinkle with mirth as you toss your head back, hair spilling over your shoulders.

You’re radiant. Stunning.

"She's happy," he finally croaks, but it comes out like he's physically straining to push out the words. "Leave it the fuck alone."

“Hey.”

You find Taehyung in the kitchen bright and early the next morning, already rummaging around and littering the counters with bowls and ingredients. The soft morning light drenches him in a golden glow, highlighting his honey skin, the slope of his nose, the long lines of his fingers as he works.

“Hey!” The smile he gives you is light and easy, the awkwardness between you having evaporated as easy as steam after your discussion last night. “Want to help me make breakfast?”

You jump in, immediately falling into rhythm with the way he maneuvers around the kitchen. God, you’ve missed this. It may have only been a few weeks, but cooking with Taehyung is one of your life’s greatest joys, and after missing two of your meal prep nights, it feels like a part of you has come home. There’s no doubt that you’re breathing a little easier today with the air cleared between you.

And honestly, how stupid to let a single comment from Maya drive a wedge between the two of you. You’ve known Taehyung practically your whole life. If he did have feelings for you, you would’ve figured it out by now.

Surely, he would’ve told you.

Lost in your thoughts, you don’t even notice that Taehyung is sneaking up on you until he’s already smeared a streak of waffle batter across your cheek.

“Augh, Tae!”

“What?” He quickly backpedals out of your reach, anticipating retaliation, but grinning widely. “You were clearly somewhere else. Had to bring you back to me somehow.”

A while later, as Taehyung sets out the platters of waffles, fruit, and eggs, you begin making the rounds to let everyone know that breakfast is ready. Sunny and her friends thank you from where they’re hanging out on the back deck and say that they’ll be in soon. Moving back into the hallway, you greet Hoseok and his brother, Jiho, as they pass you; Hoseok gives you an appreciative high five when you tell them about the food. Namjoon and Jimin have their door wide open, so you only need to poke your head in, Jimin immediately taking off down the hall at the mention of waffles.

When you get to Taehyung and Jungkook’s door, it’s closed, a series of muffled groans coming from inside. Unhesitating, you knock hard, and the groaning stops, followed by a curse and the sound of shuffling before Jungkook is opening the door halfway, blocking your view of the room. Clad in only a pair of gray joggers, a light sheen of sweat coats his bare chest, and you raise an eyebrow at him.

“Can I help you?”

“Tae and I made breakfast. You’re welcome to join.” You nod your chin at the area behind him. “Unless, you know, you have better things to do.”

Jungkook smirks, amused. “Alright, I’ll be out in a minute.”

He moves to close the door, but you manage to stick a foot out to block him.

“Maya, you too!”

There’s a moment of silence as you stand there, Jungkook looking as smug as ever, before a voice sounds from inside the room.

“Okay!”

It's a cloudless, sunny day so your group heads down to the beach after breakfast. Jungkook's beach house sits down the street, away from the center of town and tourist areas, which allows you a relatively private, uncrowded stretch of sand. The air is sticky with humidity, only mitigated by the breeze coming off the water. It's an oddly soothing combination of hot and cool that has you pulling in deep breaths of the salty air. You could stay out here forever.

"This is paradise," Hana says, verbalizing your own thoughts. "I wish I could live here."

You're sitting on your towel in the sand helping Maya sunscreen her back, but you don't miss the cocky grin on Jungkook's face.

"Well, pretty ladies like you are always welcome here."

Maya's shoulders tense up under your hands, and you're tempted to say something snarky in her defense before Sunny beats you there.

"Not my friends, Kook!"

Hana giggles, Jungkook feigns innocence, and you think that's that, stretching out on your towel to sunbathe. But an hour later, Taehyung is plopping down next to you in the sand.

"I need your help."

You slide your sunglasses to the top of your head so you can look at him better. "Sunny trying to set you up with someone again?"

He blushes. "No, Kook wants to have a chicken fight."

You push your glasses back down your face. "No."

Taehyung is quick, reaching over to pull the shades off your eyes entirely.

“Tae!”

“Look,” he murmurs, leaning in close. “Normally I’d blow him off, but he’s pairing up with Hana, and Maya actually seems kind of bothered.”

You peek over his shoulder to where Maya is now chatting with Jimin, throwing furtive glances at Jungkook and Hana flirting by the water’s edge.

“I know they’re not exclusive,” Taehyung continues, “but you have to admit Kook is being a bit of a dick, and I kind of want to show him up.”

You’re still hesitant, lips turning downwards, and so he presses closer, until all you can see are big brown eyes.

“Please? For me?”

The past two weeks creep into your mind, two weeks of intentionally avoiding him—hurting him—due to your own idiocy, and that’s when you cave. You owe him.

“Okay, fine.”

You follow Taehyung down to the shoreline, where Jungkook grins widely at your approach and claps his hands together.

"A challenger!"

You shake your head at his antics and move to tie your hair up and away from your face. "Do we have any stakes?"

Jungkook strikes a dramatic pose: calf-deep in water, hands on hips, six-pack abs already glistening as he pouts his lips in thought.

Then, with a snap of his fingers, he says, "Loser cooks dinner tomorrow."

Well, that's much tamer than you expected. "Just dinner? No, 'loser has to go skinny dipping' or anything like that?"

His mouth forms into a tiny "o", eyes wide with excitement. "Do you...want that?"

"No," you're quick to clarify. "It just doesn't seem like much of a punishment for us."

Jungkook shrugs his shoulders. "I like your food."

"Okay, but what if we win?" Taehyung asks, nodding from your right.

The cocky grin is back. "You won't."

Seagulls circle above like curious spectators to your game as you get into position. Taehyung squats in the surf so you can scale his back, sliding your legs over his tanned shoulders. He wraps his arms and hands tightly around your knees to secure you as he walks deeper into the ocean until the water is up to his waist. Roughly ten feet across from you, Jungkook and Hana have assumed a similar stance, and you're not sure if it's the waves rolling in or if Jungkook is actively bouncing on his heels.

"Jimin, wanna count us off?" he shouts.

From his spot on the beach, you see Jimin cup his hands around his mouth.

"On your mark...get set...GO!"

The men charge at each other through the water until you and Hana collide, grappling at each other's arms. In spite of a tiny build, she's surprisingly strong and sturdy, and you already have to adjust yourself on top of Taehyung, who likewise rearranges his grip on your legs.

"You good?" he grunts from under you, and you assure him you're fine.

You change your tactic, moving to push at her shoulders and send her backwards, but Jungkook shifts his legs to keep the two of them balanced. This gives Hana the chance to bump you with an elbow, and Taehyung likewise has to tighten his hold on you again to keep you steady.

This back-and-forth goes on for a short while, your friends now cheering from the sidelines, until Jungkook pushes forward and Hana collides with you again. This time, Taehyung adjusts to the hit by sliding his hands upwards, his long fingers skating up the soft inner flesh of your thighs and digging in.

A flash of heat rushes straight to your belly.

The sensation forcefully jolts your entire body and sends both you and Taehyung tumbling into the water. You kick around trying to find your footing before he pulls you up, sopping wet and spluttering as Jungkook and Hana celebrate their victory with raised arms and whoops.

“Are you alright? What happened?”

Hell if you know. You’d swear you can still feel the pads of his fingers on your legs, and so you merely blink at him with a shake of your head.

A biological reaction, you tell yourself, as you wade your way back to dry land. Nothing more.

You will your body to get a grip as you settle back down on your towel. You love Jace, you’re taken, and you and Taehyung have just reestablished the platonic nature of your friendship. Letting his touch have that kind of effect on you is nothing short of wildly inappropriate on two counts.

Trying to shake the shame poking at your brain, you angle yourself towards the waves and snap a quick selfie to send off to your boyfriend.

You [2:05pm]: miss you so much, wish you were here <3

It’s not long before your phone chimes with a reply, and you open the message to see a picture of Jace taken at a similar angle. He stands in a sea of businessmen and conference booths, suit crisp and hair neatly combed. The smile he wears is bright, eyes crinkling in the way you love so much and setting of a flurry of butterflies in your belly.

J <3 [2:07pm]: i’d say i wish you were here but i wouldn’t wish this place on my worst enemy let alone my favorite girl lol

J <3 [2:07pm]: i miss you too, beautiful :(

By the time the sun starts its descent, you’ve all moved to the pool on the expansive back deck, Jungkook immediately hopping behind the outdoor bar to make drinks.

“You know,” you say from your perch atop one of the stools, “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who can match your enthusiasm for your job.”

He smiles, rattling a cocktail shaker. “It gets me booze and ladies. What more could I ask for?”

Yumi soon joins you at the bar top to ask Jungkook for a margarita, and is quick to strike up a conversation with you. Unsurprisingly for one of Sunny’s friends, she’s incredibly nice, and you learn she works as a hairdresser in the city.

“I’ll have to check out your salon!” you say. “I’ve been meaning to get a trim.”

She claps her hands together eagerly. “If you want to give me your number, I can text you the address!”

As you’re putting your contact information into her phone, she looks at you thoughtfully and adds, “Not to sound like I have an ulterior motive, but Sunny also mentioned that you’re going to be getting married soon, too?”

Heat creeps into your cheeks. “Ah, yeah, nothing official yet. But, you know, it seems like it’s coming.”

“Exciting!” she declares. “Just figured I’d let you know that I do weddings, too, in that case. And I know we’ve just met, but I’d still give you the friends discount. Sunny’s friends are my friends, as far as I’m concerned.”

“That’s so sweet of you. I’ll definitely give you a call to talk about it once we’re actually planning.”

“That sounds gre—“

“Sorry to interrupt.” Taehyung wanders up to where you sit, handing you a plate of steaming beef and cucumber salad. “Hoseok and Jimin got the first round of meats done. I knew you’d want it hot.”

The moan you let out as you take the plate from him is downright scandalous. “Ugh, you’re the best.”

You’re rewarded with a light chuckle and a signature boxy grin. “I know.”

As he heads back to the grill and you dig into your food, Yumi lets out a dreamy sigh. “It’s no wonder he’s planning to put a ring on your finger. I wish someone would look at me like that.”

A piece of food lodges itself in your throat, and you cough hard. Yumi stares at you in alarm until you regain your breath and turn to her with wide eyes. “Tae and I aren’t together.”

She looks back and forth between the two of you like she’s trying to solve a puzzle. “You’re not?”

“No.” You shake your head emphatically. “We grew up together. My boyfriend is at a work event.”

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” she exclaims. “I just noticed how close you were at the bar last night and how he’s always—“ She cuts herself off with a shake of her head. “Nevermind. That’s my fault. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

You assure her it’s fine, and she changes the subject, asking how you know the others and what college was like. Your chat carries on for a while longer before you excuse yourself to use the bathroom.

You don’t even make it halfway across the deck, though, before a tattooed arm is snaking across your waist, lifting you off your feet, and carrying you in the direction of the pool.

“Jeon Jungkook, don’t you fucking dare!” you screech, trying to wiggle yourself out of his grip to no avail.

All you hear behind you is a maniacal giggle before you’re tossed through the air and land in the water with a splash.

When you come up to the surface, pushing your wet hair out of your eyes, you find Jungkook cackling by the pool’s edge. You glare at him.

“Asshole!”

“C’mon, Y/N! It’s a tradition!” he laughs. “It’s not a beach house trip without—“ But he doesn’t get to finish that thought before Taehyung shoulders him hard in the back, propelling him into the water next to you.

You only give Jungkook a second to get his bearings before you’re hopping onto his back and trying to play wrestle him back under the water to the laughter of your friends. It’s hopeless really—Jungkook is basically a mountain of hard muscle that barely budges under your touch—but a few minutes of scrambling all over him with determination, and he eventually concedes and humors you by allowing you to dunk him below the surface.

It’s later, once you’ve clambered out of the pool and are toweling off on the deck when you hear him talking to Jiho behind you.

“He got you good. You didn’t even hear him coming, did you?” There’s a shuffle and a “Pow!” like Jiho is reenacting Taehyung’s takedown.

“Ah, it’s alright,” Jungkook laughs, no hint of a grudge in his voice. “I messed with his girl.”

Your party stretches on into the night until the sky has turned inky black, peppered with stars that shine intensely this far removed from the city. Almost ironically, your group has mellowed out as the alcohol has flowed, settling into smaller groups scattered around the deck. Namjoon sits with Hoseok and Jiho, clearly getting philosophical around the fire pit. Sunny is gathered to the side with her friends as they sloppily braid each other’s hair, the occasional burst of laughter coming from their general vicinity. Jimin lays on his back at the side of the pool, drunkenly tracing constellations with his finger. And Maya and Jungkook are nowhere to be found.

There’s a sense of peace that flows through your veins as you watch your friends smile and talk while you grab yourself a beer from the poolside bar. You’ve always loved coming here. Sure, getting a free stay at a waterfront mansion is nothing you’d ever say no to, but it’s really getting to spend quality time with your friends—away from all of your real world responsibilities—that makes this place feel almost magical.

You look out to the shoreline and spot a figure sitting alone on the beach, staring out at the waves. You’d been thinking about joining Namjoon’s group by the fire, but that plan is immediately pushed out of mind as you grab a second bottle and make your way towards the sea.

You’re not loud in your stroll, the soft sand muting your steps, but Taehyung seems to sense your approach anyway, not startling a bit as you seat yourself next to him and hand him a beer.

“Contemplating the wonders of the universe?” you ask. From this angle, he looks almost like he did in Maya’s photograph of him—the same constellations in his eyes.

Taehyung stretches his legs out with a sigh, leaning back on his palms. “Where do you think we’ll be this time next year?”

You sip at your drink. Honestly, you can’t imagine things being all that different.

“Right back here?” you say. “I don’t think I’ll ever tire of coming here. This is my ultimate happy place.”

Taehyung hums in agreement. “It could be your pre-wedding party we’ll be having next year.”

“You think?”

His brow furrows at your doubt. “I’d expect you’d at least be planning then, no? Or you could already be married by then if you guys want to move fast.”

The thought sends jitters running down your spine. “Who knows?” you challenge. “Maybe you’ll be the one married. Maybe you’ll meet your soulmate tomorrow and elope because you know it’s fate, and there’s no point in waiting.”

Taehyung barks out a laugh. “That sounds somewhat out-of-character, no?”

“Hmm, true. You’re more of a wait five years to move in and another five years to propose kind of guy. Work on your credit score and establish a detailed financial plan before even thinking about merging assets. And don’t even get me started on the background check.”

“Geez, Y/N. Does Jace know you just casually talk dirty to other guys like this?”

You playfully shove at his shoulder, and the pink of his tongue pokes through his teeth as he laughs.

“Oh, wow, look.”

Taehyung points a delicate finger as a tiny flash blazes through the sky, trailing light and stardust in its wake. He turns to you, smiling.

“Make a wish?”

The words come out on a whisper like a secret meant just for the two of you.

As you sit there, gazing out at the shadowy horizon in the distance, you feel perfectly content. What do you wish for when you feel like you already have the world? Work has been going great, and after almost a year of unpacking boxes and rearranging furniture, you feel like you and Jace are finally settled in and cozy at your apartment. You think about Jace—his smile, the soothing feel of his hands on your skin, the little black box in his desk—and contemplate all of the joy you can sense coming your way.

And then you consider the man beside you.

His eyes are closed as he meditates on his own wish, his legs now drawn up so he can rest his forearms on his knees. It flashes you back to when you were kids, lounging away the hours in your room or hanging at your favorite spots around town—the park, the library, the ice cream shop where Mrs. Kang would often take pity and treat the two of you to free cones. When you were young, Taehyung almost always sat like this, knees to his chest as if he was trying to make himself smaller. As if he could make himself invisible to the shadows that followed him every second of each day.

Taehyung’s always been a positive person, steadfastly determined to not let his demons poison his perspective of the world. Though neither of you were fond of explicitly discussing your situations, Taehyung always maintained a bright outlook on the rare occasions when your frustrations would spill over. There’s still the family we can choose, he’d tell you. We’ll find them one day.

Still, though, you could always sense a certain anxiety lingering under the mask of his smile. It showed itself in the way he’d sit with his arms around his knees, in the way his forehead would crease during the moments when you’d catch him lost in thought. This had eased up in college, the change in scenery and your newfound friends loosening his bones and laugh lines. But since graduation, you’ve seen some of that tension return to his shoulders like he’s carrying extra weight, especially in the past year.

You consider the man beside you, and you think, then, that he deserves the world, too.

I wish for Taehyung to have everything he wants. You squeeze your eyes shut, casting the thought out to the universe with everything you have. Every last desire of his heart. He deserves it all.

No one in the world would be more deserving. Of that, you’re sure.

When you open your eyes again, he’s watching you with an unreadable expression on his face.

“What did you wish for?” is all you can think to ask, blinking at him.

“Well if I tell you, then it won’t come true.”

You roll your eyes, shaking your head with a teasing scoff. He smiles.

“Happiness,” he declares. “If I had to put it simply.”

You smile back at him, hoping those stars stay in his eyes. “Yeah, me too.”

He’ll find it. You know he will.

It's Sunday morning when shit hits the fan.

After Saturday passes with ease, another lazy day by the pool punctuated with you and Taehyung collaborating on a fried chicken dinner as per your bet with Jungkook, you wake up on Sunday to the sound of Iseul's squeals over there being no hot water, a fact which is soon confirmed after the men team up to check the heater. Jungkook calls his family handyman (apparently those come standard when you have more houses than you can count on one hand), but the man is quick to inform him that he's getting ready for his granddaughter's birthday party and won't be able to come out until tomorrow.

"There's no way I'm making it through the day without a hot shower," Maya grumbles.

Jungkook wiggles his eyebrows. "I can show you a hot shower.”

She doesn't even look at him.

You're also not enthused about the prospect of having to either take a cold shower or skip one entirely. So when Maya suggests going home a day early, you're already leaning towards the idea as well.

"It won't be that bad," Taehyung says, lips turning down in a tiny pout when you tell him. "The key is to just go fast."

"I'd rather not have to do it at all." You giggle as his pout deepens. "We're going to stay until the evening. It's only like a twelve hour difference."

"But I thought we were going to do a movie night."

Okay, now you feel bad.

"Temporary reschedule?" you suggest, poking at his bottom lip. "Jace and I are going to dinner on Saturday, but my Friday night is free."

A hand rubs at his chin as he pretends to make a show out of pondering your offer. "Deal."

Later, you're sitting on a chaise lounge on the back deck, soaking up your last few hours of sun with one of Jungkook's signature cocktails in your hand when Maya sighs deeply beside you in a similar show of disappointment.

"It really is a shame though," she laments. "Tonight was supposed to be our big send-off, and now I cleared my schedule tomorrow for nothing."

"We could do a girls night?" you say. "I have this new cab sav I found the other week that we could split."

"Ooh, twist my arm."

Plans made, you pull out your phone. Jace has been texting you on and off from his conference all weekend—just brief check-ins and I miss yous—so you shoot him a quick message now.

You [4:53pm]: the water heater here is busted so i'll be home early tonight. maya is going to come too, might stay over. can't wait to see you <3

The sky is a misty orange when you pack the car and say goodbye to your friends, Taehyung giving you a particularly tight hug. Things were great between you for the rest of the weekend, but you can feel the tension of your conversation lingering in the way he holds you that extra second.

You check your phone as Maya settles into the passenger seat and buckles her seat belt. There's still been no word from Jace. It's not particularly unusual for him to forget to answer his phone—especially since you expect he's busy wrapping up the conference—but a seed of worry still plants itself in the back of your brain. You hope everything is alright.

The ride is mostly quiet, you and Maya occasionally singing along to a song on the radio as the evening gradually turns to night. But about halfway back home, you feel the need to straighten things out.

“So I talked to Tae.”

She’s quiet for a second, her face shrouded in shadow. “Uh-huh.”

“He said he doesn’t have feelings for me.”

Maya shifts in her seat, angling herself towards you ever so slightly. “And you believe him?”

“Yes. Definitely.”  There’s no doubt in your mind. “He’s never given me a reason not to.”

Silence stretches itself between you, Maya entirely unreadable as she seems to be puzzling something out in her head.

“Okay.”

It comes as a surprise, and you jerk your eyes away from the road to glance over at her. “Okay?”

Maya shrugs. “Okay.”

“That’s it?”

“Do you want there to be more?”

You work your mouth in a stunned gape. Because she’s right; why are you pushing this?

“No. We’re good.”

When you get to your apartment, you swipe you and Maya into the building and head towards the elevators. You’re a little bummed that your time at the beach house had to be cut short, but you take solace in the fact that you get some time back with Jace.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Maya asks on the ride up.

You grin. “We could play that Twilight drinking game I sent you.”

“Pfft, I know I said I have tomorrow off, but I meant I could handle a mild hangover, not alcohol poisoning.”

You fumble for your key at your apartment door, sliding it into the lock and pushing the door open. The first thing you notice is that the lights are on, so Jace must be home.

“Babe?” you call, as you and Maya dump your bags by the couch.

“Where’s that cab sav?” You nod in the direction of the kitchen, and Maya skips over to investigate.

A moan sounds through the apartment.

You and Maya both freeze, staring at each other. Goosebumps break out over your entire body, a frightening sense of impending doom slamming itself down on your consciousness.

A second moan, and now you notice the lights on under the closed door of your bedroom. There was no sign of forced entry, but the image of a wounded and bleeding Jace pushes itself to the forefront of your mind.

You rush to the bedroom door, fearing the worse.

“Jace?”

You swing it open.

And your entire world collapses.

Taehyung can’t quite shake the feeling that you’re slipping through his fingers.

Movie night had been his idea, a way to get you in one spot (and mostly to himself, if he’s being honest) after your two weeks of silence. Now knowing the reason behind your push for space, he doesn’t blame you at all. Maya throwing that wrench into your relationship was surely unsettling, and he understands wanting time alone. But he’s missed you; he’s not going to deny that. And he’s desperate to prove that things can be okay between you. Things can be normal.

But the universe, it seems, is stacked against him.

He’s ambling through the house, wondering if Jimin might be up for a game of ping pong in the downstairs game room, when his phone blares in his pocket. It’s a jarring sound, violent in the way it disrupts the calmness of the house, and Taehyung frowns when he sees Maya’s name on the screen.

Maya never calls.

“Hello?”

“Tae, oh thank God.” Her voice is high and tight—clearly in distress. “You need to come to Y/N’s apartment as soon as physically possible. Grab Jimin and Kook if you need to drive them back—whatever. But just—as soon as possible.”

“Wait, wait, slow down,” he urges, hairs standing at attention on the back of his neck. “What’s going on? Is everyone okay? Is Y/N okay?”

“We got back to the apartment, and Jace he…”

Time seems to slow in anticipation of Maya’s next words—the kind of eerie stillness that precedes a storm, quiet and disarming in its disguise.

And then she drops the bomb.

“He was with someone else.”

Taehyung’s ears ring. There is no possible way he heard that right. “What?”

The breath that comes from the other side of the phone is heavy, like Maya can’t even believe the words coming out of her own mouth. “He was in bed with someone else.”

A chill drips down his spine, pushing its way through his veins until his entire body runs cold. This can’t be happening. Not to you. You’ve had enough pain and hardship in your twenty-five years of life—he’s seen it, weathered it with you. Things are supposed to be getting better; this is supposed to be the payout for years of heartache. Surely, the universe wouldn’t be so cruel.

But then it happens. A single, anguished sob rings out in the background of the call, sharp and pained in its grief.

His heart shatters, shards piercing the spaces between his ribs.

“Tae? Are you still there?”

“Yes.”

“She needs you. Please just get over here.”

Then line goes dead.

Taehyung is only frozen for a second longer before he’s bounding into motion, tearing down the hallway and into the living room where Jimin lays on his back on the couch. The latter shoots into a sitting position when he sees the look on Taehyung’s face.

“You okay?”

“Y/N—she—we—“ His mouth feels like it’s filled with sand, and while he stands there, working his jaw in agonizing frustration, Jimin leaps to his feet to close the distance between them, grasping Taehyung’s shoulders.

“What’s wrong? What happened to Y/N?”

His lungs burn as he finally finds the words. “Jace is cheating on her.”

Jimin goes still, the same stunned shock registering in his body.

“We need to—we need to go,” Taehyung gasps, and Jimin is quick to sit him on the couch.

“I’ll get Kook. We’ll take care of this,” he says, voice steady. Commanding. “You just wait here and breathe.”

The next several minutes are a blur as Jimin rushes to get Jungkook, and they work on packing the car, briefly explaining the situation to the others. Taehyung can’t think of anything but you, his focus reduced down to a pinpoint in his mind. You must be devastated. In spite of what he had said about his own feelings on Jace, he knows how much you love him, how you were expecting to spend the rest of your life with him. How must you be feeling to have an entire future ripped away? To have to bear witness to and suffer that kind of betrayal?

He’s not quite sure how it happens, but he winds up in the passenger seat of his own car, Jimin sliding behind the wheel and peeling away from the house and onto the highway. The air inside the cabin is thick, a stifling combination of premature summer heat and heavy silence, with even Jungkook sitting oddly quiet in the backseat. Taehyung is thankful for the absence of conversation; he doesn’t think he can handle talking about any of this until you’re in front of him and he can hold you, feel that you’re safe.

He realizes somewhere along the way that he’s shaking, your cry still ringing in his ears.

The trip from the beach house to the city only takes about forty-five minutes, but it feels like days, headlights and street lamps zipping by like tiny suns as Taehyung wills the car to go faster, faster, faster. He’s never felt further from you before, never been so determined to close the distance between you like he is now.

Whatever you need from him, he’ll give it.

Jimin finally pulls into your apartment parking lot, and the car hasn't even fully stopped before Taehyung is bolting out at a near sprint. Jungkook and Jimin catch up to him as he pulls out the duplicate access card you had given him in case of emergencies, swiping them into the entryway and down the hall where he pounds the button for the elevators.

"It'll be okay," Jimin says, staring Taehyung down where he seems to be vibrating in his shoes. "She'll be okay."

"She'd better be," Jungkook mutters, fists clenched tight.

(Jimin hopes Jace has long cleared out of the building, lest they run into him.)

The elevator ride is tense and slow, the numbers ticking upwards in time with the pounding in Taehyung's ears.

2...

The bastard was sleeping with someone else.

3...

You thought you were going to marry him.

4...

He'd spent time with Jace all through college. Even laughed with him at times.

5...

The sound you'd made on the phone, like you were physically wounded.

6...

If he ever sees that piece of shit again—

7.

The doors open with a ding that snaps the mess of Taehyung's thoughts into focus.

He's here. You need him.

It's a brisk walk to the end of the hallway, and then he's practically punching your apartment door, which swings open almost immediately as if Maya was waiting on the other side. She and Taehyung stare at each other for a brief moment, her mouth stretched into a tight line before she simply nods her head in the direction of the bathroom. Taehyung makes the final leg of the trip in five long strides before freezing in the doorway.

The fractured shards of his heart turn to dust.

You're curled up on the bathroom floor, a tangle of arms and hair covering your face as your body trembles with quiet sobs. They echo around the tile, filling the space between you until Taehyung thinks he can feel the sound burrowing itself under his skin, a morbid tattoo he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to erase. This image, he thinks, will surely haunt him for the rest of his life.

You. Completely and utterly broken.

He falls to his knees so he can brush your hair aside, the strands draping themselves over his fingers like a tether. Your face is red and stained with tears, and he reflexively wipes at the ones he sees rolling down your cheeks as you peer up at him, only now registering his presence.

"T-tae?"

"I'm here," he murmurs as his hands continue collect your tears, trying to carry them for you.

When you hear his voice, your cries start up again in earnest, and you reach out to clutch at his shirt. Taehyung immediately gathers you into his arms and tucks you into the haven of his chest, holding you like if he squeezes hard enough, he can press your broken pieces back together.

"T-tae...h-he..." you gasp at his collarbone, words failing you as Taehyung hugs you to him even tighter.

He runs his hands through your hair, presses kisses to the crown of your head, trails his fingers up the length of your back as you burrow into him, wails escalating.

"Shh, I've got you, baby."

He does. He'll hold you forever if he has to.

"I've got you."

NEXT

a/n: thoughts? guesses as to what taehyung used his wish on? likes, reblogs, and feedback give me life :)

taglist is open!

a/n 2: oh, fun fact. when jace caught oc going through his desk in part 1, he wasn’t even thinking about the ring box when his eyes flicked to the drawer. he was worried she was going to find the condoms, which would’ve been weird since they hadn’t used them in like two years (oof) (this isn’t plot relevant, just a detail tidbit lol)

[dailydragon08]

Darkness Calls

Pairing: Luke Skywalker x F!Jedi!Reader   Summary: As the call of space nearly consumes you, Luke reaches for powers forbidden to a Jedi to keep you safe and deals with the consequences. Warnings: reader gets a leg injury that is briefly mentioned, angst, canon-typical violence, reader almost gets sucked into space, Luke feeling lots of guilt and inner turmoil, mentions of Luke having insomnia and nightmares/PTSD, slow burn/mutual pining. A/N:  Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated. Stay tuned for part 2 and enjoy!

**

Blaster fire made an impenetrable web through the ship’s wide, X-shaped hallways and it had become impossible to determine which shot belonged to which side. Even armed with the Force and your lightsabers, you, Luke, and the other rebels were hopelessly outnumbered. Your teams had been so close to gaining control of the imperial cruiser’s bridge, which would’ve made capturing the necessary plans much easier. But you’d been overrun with reinforcements at the last second via the porthole at the end of the main thoroughfare. Han and Leia had led their team down a hallway to your left twenty minutes ago, yelling something about the hangar and the dropship docked at the porthole that was hard to discern over all the commotion. 

You glanced at Luke across the hall, his blue eyes wide and chest heaving as he caught his breath. His flesh hand gripped the hilt of his green saber so hard, you could see his knuckles turning white. Closing your eyes, you sank into the Force to sense precisely how many Stormtroopers flooded the hallway in between and could feel your fellow Jedi doing the same. 

On three, he sent to you through the Force. One…two…

“Three,” you whispered before the two of you jumped into the fray as one, doing your best to block the onslaught from the imperial’s blasters. The best you could hope for at this point was to deflect their own shots back at them and dwindle their numbers. The path to the bridge had been thoroughly blocked and Han and Leia either needed to get their asses in gear, or a path needed to be cleared for R2 to work his magic without being fried. 

Just as you thought you were getting somewhere, loud footsteps crashed in the distance and a wave of Dark Troopers picked up the slack. 

“There are too many!” Luke cried, motioning to the teams behind him who were desperately trying to provide cover. “Fall back—”

As if fate itself was pranking you, the blast doors suddenly closed off the left and right hallways to trap your peers. You and Luke stepped forward so they could file down the hallway directly behind you, providing as much cover as you could while several rebels traded off shooting the enemy and making a run for it. 

Suddenly, C3PO and R2 came scurrying towards you from behind. “Oh, Master Luke!” the protocol droid cried, his hands waving frantically up near his face. 

“Not now, 3PO!” he growled. “Head back with the others!” R2 whizzed ahead of his companion. “R2, no—”

“But Princess Leia and Captain Solo said to clear the—”

Before he could finish, the blast doors directly behind you slammed shut just as R2 passed the threshold. You cursed. “What now? They’ve pinned us in!”

Luke shot you a worried look. “I don’t know. They’re jamming our comms, too. I can’t get a hold of Han or Leia.”

A sudden mechanical buzzing from R2 caught your attention long enough to make you clumsy. You cried out in pain as a shot seared your leg and stumbled back a few steps, falling right on the astromech’s dome. 

R2 tittered in concern just as Luke stepped in front of you. “Get behind me!”

“I am behind you,” you grumbled, quickly realizing that R2 hadn’t budged at all when you’d fallen into him, which could only mean one thing: his feet were magnetized. 3PO’s message of Han and Leia wanting you to clear something rang through your head…

Oh. Oh no. 

“LUKE!”

But you’d made the realization too late. The magnetic shield separating the porthole from the rest of the ship went dead with a flicker of blue light and a whirl as you realized the imperials hadn’t boxed you in—Han and Leia had boxed you out. Or, at least, tried to. 

“Get back!” you screeched at the remaining rebels, motioning towards the meager available space in the hallways to your left and right. Just as they dove for cover, the dropship at the end of the hall ripped away from the port hole, violently shaking the ship and making you lose your footing before you could finish regaining it. 

The deafening whoosh of wind entered the corridor as the Dark and Stormtroopers were sucked out the hole now staring straight into space. A few of your comrades who had been too slow went with them just as R2 whipped out a retractable arm to tuck both your and Luke’s lightsabers safely in his compartment. 

Luke let out a cry of surprise as you both went flying towards the exit. He made quick work of grabbing a pipe going up one wall with his flesh hand and grabbing your wrist with the gloved one. 

The force trying to separate the two of you was overwhelming as Luke’s fingers dug into your wrist hard enough to bruise. He alternated between checking that he had a good grip on the pipe and turning terrified eyes to you. As you glanced towards your feet, the yawning hole was almost hypnotic and stole the breath from your lungs. 

“Don’t look down!” Luke shouted over the gale, repeating it in your head through the Force to make sure you heard. “Just focus on me!”

You turned your gaze back to him as he tightened his grip on you even more. You could feel how much he was straining as he used the Force to help pull himself closer to the pipe and could see just how much his perfectly tailored jacket clung to his muscles as they worked—

Really? you said to yourself, hoping Luke hadn’t heard your thoughts. You’re gonna think about that right now?

Just as Luke pulled you closer to the pipe so you could grab it yourself, your wrist slipped from his grasp for just a moment. 

“NO!” he screeched, his voice and face more terrified than you’d ever seen him. Fear flooded you just as you caught his gloved fingers. No matter how dire things seemed, you’d always felt comforted by the fact that Luke was not only with you, but typically the calmer, steadier one. But if the amount of terror and desperation you sense in him was anything to go by, you weren’t sure how you would get out of this one. 

“Please hang on!” Luke said, tilting his head up to scan the rest of the hallway. “R2, where are you?!”

The astromech zipped to and fro, trying different wall sockets to no avail. They must’ve been jammed or the magnetic shield required a specific one he hadn’t found yet. You looked down to barely make out another socket just ahead of the door. “R2, it’s down there—kriff!” 

Luke screamed your name as your hand began to slip from his. He held on tighter, but the smooth leather of his glove just made your hold even more slippery. “Hold on, please!”

Afraid this might be your last chance, you took a moment to memorize the shape of his body, the contours of his face, the way his hand felt in yours, the way his golden-brown hair whipped in the wind, the way his Force signature felt so soothing, calming, and like home against you (even in all its unbridled terror). 

“I need you, please!” he begged in a tone that was so frantic, it felt uncharacteristic of him. You’d never seen him this terrified and felt his Force signature shifting into something heavier—darker—as he called on the Force in whatever way it took to save you. 

“No! Luke, no Dark Side.”

As soon as the words left your mouth and the tone of Luke’s signature began to shift back, the glove suddenly gave way. The darkness beyond had been calling for too long, and you finally had no choice but to answer, ripping the glove off Luke’s cybernetic and flying towards the exit at an incomprehensible speed. Just as you were about to exit the porthole to become one with the stars, you stopped with a sudden jolt. Now, two forces were pulling on your body: the gale dragging you towards infinite nothingness—and the Force, wielded by a powerful Jedi, pulling you back towards safety. 

You groaned against the strain on both sides of your body, watching as R2 hurtled towards you and the socket you were now eye level with. You gasped as you were suddenly ripped up towards the blast doors and shot straight into Luke’s arms. He kept an iron grip on the pipe with one arm and held you tight against his chest with the other. You grabbed the now available pipe to ease his burden while wrapping an arm tightly around his shoulders. He let out a shuddery breath as he buried his face in the juncture of your face and neck and squeezed you hard. His hand carefully migrated down the pipe to wrap his pinky finger around your pointer finger. You could feel him growing tired and the strain in his arm through the Force – and this after he’d already started this mission tired thanks to the sudden surge in his insomnia and nightmares lately. 

“Luke, if it’s too much, you can let me go—”

“No,” he said firmly in your ear. 

“I can hold on—”

“No, I’m not letting you go.”

You relented, squeezing yourself closer to his chest as much as possible with the vacuum of space still trying to rip you both away. You pressed your face into his shoulder and thought he couldn’t possibly hold you tighter, but he did. If you hadn’t been struggling for breath thanks to the current situation, you surely would’ve been from the sheer force of Luke’s embrace. 

Suddenly, everything went still and the pair of you tumbled to the floor in a tangle of limbs. Luke fell flat on his back hard just as you smacked right down on his ribs, leaving him gasping for air. With adrenaline pumping and ears ringing, you took his face in your hands out of pure instinct. “Are you okay?!”

He nodded, keeping a firm grip on your hips as his breathing gradually returned to normal. He finally opened his eyes to look at you and you couldn’t help admiring how he looked breathless underneath you with hair in complete disarray—stop that, we almost died, you told yourself. However, any further thoughts came to a halt as Luke pulled you tight against his chest again and pressed his cheek to yours. His breath blew hot and heavy in your ear as one arm snaked around your waist and the other slid up your spine to hold the back of your head. His fingers gently dug into your hair, smoothing back and forth in a way in a way that made you melt. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you breathed in his ear, indulging yourself for a moment and hugging him back just as fiercely. Your hand was drawn to the nape of his neck to play with his hair, but before you could remove it and apologize, he sighed and you felt him relax beneath you.

His hand moved to cup the back of your neck, gently massaging the tension there. “Maker, sweetheart…”

You withhold your shock at the term of endearment in case it made him let you go. You weren’t ready to be released from the safety of his arms yet and it seemed neither was he. The only times you’d been this close was when you’d both found each other after nightmares—but that had been when you’d both been in a desperate, sleep-addled state, only half aware of what you were doing. You honestly weren’t even sure how many of those moments he remembered when he woke the next morning. But you would jump back out the porthole before you were the one to shatter the illusion. 

Several frantic voices of the soldiers around you suddenly came into laser-sharp focus and you remembered you weren’t alone. Luke, however, held on as tight as ever, seemingly content to lay here with you for hours. You could sense his relief, but also echoes of terror and some other feeling you couldn’t quite put your finger on. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” you asked again. 

Luke’s hand smoothed up and down your back. “Not a scratch, I promise.”

“No, I mean…when you almost…you know…”

You felt sudden, intense feelings of guilt and shame flood his signature and immediately regretted opening your mouth. 

“I—” he cut himself off to let you go, beginning to roll you both so you laid on your sides. You propped yourself up on your elbow, the absence of his warmth leaving goosebumps all over your body. He avoided your eyes to watch R2 quickly roll towards him. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have—that was…” He sighed, closed his eyes, and shook his head. 

His embarrassment, shame, and frustration with himself was so palpable through the Force that it felt like a punch to your gut. “Luke, it’s okay.”

“It’s not,” he whispered. 

“Hey, look at me.” Ignoring how painful the turmoil in his eyes was, you continued, “It happens. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He glanced at R2 as the droid whistled sadly. “We’re all right, R2.” He turned back to you, not quite meeting your eyes, but still giving your hand a firm squeeze. “I’m just…glad you’re safe.”

“Thanks to you.”

He nodded, but you knew he didn’t believe you. He quickly stood, holding out a hand to help you up as one of the rebels ran up to you, asking if the two of you were all right and for further orders, totally oblivious to the way his soul was ripping itself apart inside his chest. 

“R2, get these blast doors open if you can,” Luke said, his voice much flatter than usual. 

The droid zipped by with a morose series of beeps. The blast doors facing the porthole opened first, revealing a waiting 3PO. “Oh, R2 – and Master Luke and Miss Y/N! It’s wonderful to see you’re all right! Now, as I was saying, Princess Leia and Captain Solo told me to tell you to clear the area. They’re going to shut off the magnetic field and pilot the dropship away from the porthole—”

You tried to withhold your laugh. “We kind of got that, 3PO.”

“Oh…” The protocol droid finally glanced down the hall at the carnage and gaping hole in the ship’s side. “Oh, my! R2! You were supposed to tell them!” He gave the astromech a firm kick to the leg as his companion chirped in protest. 

“It’s all right, 3PO, we…made it work.” 

Luke, who was still turned away from you and focused on a random spot on the floor, closed his eyes at your words and sighed quietly. His hand was still in yours and you gave him a gentle squeeze, gently swiping your thumb over the back of his hand. His other hand hung at his side, the charred edges of the blaster hole and the mechanical workings inside on full display with his glove lost to the abyss outside. It felt as if something private was naked, and you took a step closer, determined to save him from any more embarrassment (no matter how unnecessary his current humiliation was). 

“Here,” you said, unzipping your pants pocket and pulling out a pair of standard issue, black leather gloves. “These were always too big for me anyway.” You gently took his cybernetic and pulled the glove over top of it. 

He looked at you with eyes so full of emotion, it nearly cut you in two. He glanced back down at the glove as you adjusted it, pulling his sleeve to inspect the small red initial sewn into the wrist. “Did you do this?”

“Yeah, they told me that was the only pair I’d be getting for a while, so not to lose them. My old bunk mates were famous for stealing each other’s gloves, then claiming they were theirs the whole time, so…” You shrugged. 

“But—”

“Keep it. Please.”

He swallowed hard and nodded, still holding onto your hands tightly with both of his. His gaze was pleading, and he seemed as if he wanted to say something but settled for gently stroking your cheek with the back of his flesh hand in a feather-light touch. He suddenly ripped himself away and stormed down the now open hallway, leaving a trail of guilt, shame, regret, and an unidentifiable burning in his wake. 

**

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated! Stay tuned for part 2!

Tag list (let me know if you'd like to be added! Sorry if I missed anyone, I'm terrible at remembering handles): @kaleidoscope1967eyes @masterlukessaber @coffeeorsomething-irl @eveningserenityyy @victorian-nymph @lxstfathier @rogue-kenobi @lavandula-ipsum @sonofthedunes @pomplalamoose @lex-the-flex

[autisticlifelessons]

Tips for boosting driving confidence in Autistic people

For some autistic people, myself included, driving anxiety can be really detrimental to your ability to get around and be independent. However, this year (10 years after starting to learn and 9 years after passing my test lol), I have been working hard to improve my confidence and whilst I still have a ways to go, my anxiety isn't nearly as bad as it was and I've driven places I would never have dreamed of this time last year.

The following tips are aimed at autistic people, but I think they'll apply to anyone who considers themselves a nervous driver.

Practice makes perfect! - if something makes you super anxious, the natural thing to do is avoid it if at all humanly possible, right? Well, it might make you feel relief in the moment, but over time this just reinforces your anxious thoughts and can make it harder and harder to break the cycle. As much as it sucks, the key thing is to just. keep. driving. Start with just short journeys on familiar roads and build it up from there. The more situations you encounter the more your skills will improve. For various reasons - including issues with visual processing and sensory overload - it's natural that some autistic people take longer to feel comfortable and confident at doing something, so just keep working at it and you'll slowly but surely notice a difference.

Leave yourself plenty of time - being late is a massive trigger for me, so if I find myself in a situation where I have to drive somewhere in a tight time frame it really freaks me out. Give yourself plenty of time to get where you need to go, so you know you have wriggle room if there's unexpected road closures or if you make a wrong turn. This is especially important if you're going somewhere unfamiliar as you will probably already be anxious about this. Plus, if you arrive early you will have some time to regulate/decompress yourself in preparation for whatever you have planned.

Set out your boundaries - Ok driving alone but having people in car with you sends you into a flat spin? That's fine - say no to passengers for a while and then if you feel ready have a trial run with someone you know will be kind and supportive. Equally, if you find having someone in the car with you is reassuring, that can be a big help - just be sure they understand you are feeling anxious so they don't pressure you to go routes you aren't ready for. Also, some people are overconfident in their driving abilities and may try to get you to do things that are unsafe - don't listen to them! Trust your own judgement.

Set a goal - having something specific to work for can help motivate you and give you a measure of your confidence improving. Maybe you want to drive to an out of town shopping centre, or take a road trip with a friend? Just make sure your goal is realistic and you give yourself a big pat on the back once you achieve it.

Practice self compassion - driving is stressful for some people and that's totally ok. I've accepted that while I can safely get from A to B, I'm probably never someone who is going to want to drive for fun. Remember, you are in charge of your life, no one else. Whilst I'm ok driving short distances, if I have to go to another city I would always opt for public transport if at all available. I know it'll make the whole thing much less stressful for me (and is better for the environment, too). Also, if you've been trying for a while but driving just isn't for you, that's totally ok, too! It sucks that the way our society is built means not having access to your own car is inconvenient at best, but remember we all have different strengths and weaknesses, and deciding not to drive doesn't make you a failure. You can bet the minute I can get hold of a (reliable and affordable) self-driving car, my life will be made so much easier!

And there you have it! I do hope my tips brought you some comfort or reassurance if this is something you've been struggling with. Remember, these tips are what have helped me personally - I am not a driving (lol) or medical professional, and I certainly don't claim to speak for all autistic people.

Your support is hugely appreciated xx

[ewanmitchelll]

Imagine Taylor Swift’s songs (VII): I Don’t Wanna Live Forever.

Imagine Aemond Targaryen defies you to play truth and dare…

Warnings: explicit smut, drama, fluff…

***

Been sitting eyes wide open behind these four walls, hoping you'd call. It's just a cruel existence like there's no point hoping at all

You are a noble lady of House Tyrell sent to serve Queen Helaena and thus find a good match. In the meantime you are good friends with the queen and her brothers, especially with Lord Aemond, whom you have a particular fondness to.

And though discreet you are, since he started courting Lady Alys, notwithstanding the general disapproving, he sensed you stepped away. Because it’s you, he looks after you.

Finding you thus in the gardens, Aemond approaches you carefully—although not without noticing your features, the colour that paints your locks and the smooth skin seen in delicate cleavage, reinforced in a soft shade of green gown that you dress.

How pretty you are, my lady.

A thought that he does not voice, though.

"I have missed your company, dear Y/Nickname", his husky voice comes out loud.

"Oh have you now?", you answer, pretending to be busy smelling roses nearby.

“Yes”, he frowns when seeing you are not giving him any attention. “Why does it come out as surprise for my lady?”

Despite his bad reputation, his words betray it when coming so softly to your ears. And they always have had some effect in you. To your dismay, even now they do.

You feel that same aching in your legs you’ve struggled to suppress in the past four years since you’ve arrived at court and… discovered how attractive is Lord Aemond. But you’d hope you masked well for he never mentioned it, even though he is more than aware of your sentiments towards him.

Perhaps this is why he’s coming after you, detesting to see how cold you’ve grown to him.

“Because”, you turn in careful moves, always vigilante with your sentiments, “you have been busy, my lord, and this is not my place to expect otherwise.”

Aemond throws his hands up in the air, impatience getting the best of him.

“Is this what we’ve become now? Strangers to each other?”

You cast him a hurt glance and it’s when he has a glimpse of your broken heart. Aemond regrets his impulsive tongue and shortens the distance by taking your wrists gently and making you look at him.

“Y/Nickname”, his throat tightens when his eyes scan your soul, denuding it in such a way that a shiver runs over your spine.

Baby, baby, I feel crazy, up all night, all night and every day. Give me something, oh, but you say nothing. What is happening to me?

You look at him in silence, but then you divert your gaze away. Aemond watches, stunned, as you recompose yourself.

“I should best find my way, lord.”

“No, I shall not permit it.” He then raises your chin delicately. “May I meet you after dinner?”

“What for?”

“I want to apologize for my errors”, his fingertips slide to your cheeks, and a small smirk twirls on his lips when spotting a light shade of red coloring your cheeks. “Please, lady.”

You should not deny him easy access, but this is no ordinary man. A thief is what he is, having stolen your heart.

“Lady”, he almost begs when seeing a struggle behind your eyes. “Have you forgotten our friendship?”

“Nay, lord, but you apparently have.”

He takes your hands again and there presses a kiss each. You see pain in his good eye and this bends you to his will—like always.

“I shall forsake my good sense if you let me see you one more time.”

“Fine”, and then for your good sense. “Midnight. At my privy chambers.”

You turn quickly so he doesn’t see your face going bright red or even read the distrust in your eyes. You miss, however, the sincere smile that spreads shyly upon his lips and the love that replaces agony. Aemond knows now his heart has found it’s one true home…

And Alys’s name is not one thought nor ever to be spoken again. But you don’t know that yet…

***

I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain. And I don't wanna fit wherever. I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home in vain…

Aemond’s eye is glued in you. Following discreetly behind Queen Helaena, you believe you are not getting anyone’s attention. You dress in red, but you cannot imagine you are the rogue prince’s target.

You barely know as you delicately sit in shadows that under his thoughts you are denuded, calling his name as he loves you right. Unbeknownst to you, Aemond has so many ideas involving you. He wants to kiss you passionately, he wants to make you his.

He hates how long he’s wasted your time and his… Looking for glory and creating his own story, he forgot the light of his world. You, the rose of his garden; you, whose motto is growing strong; you, who even now in shadows, shine brighter than anyone.

As you are encouraged to dance with other ladies, Aemond follows you with his longing gaze. He can tell you are avoiding him, acting nonchalantly when in truth a small smirk in your lips betrays you.

A deadly game it is, you should know. And when you raise your eyes, meeting his purple good gaze, that old aching raises to your belly and weakens your knees.

And it’s when an invisible spark ties you to him.

I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind. Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life. Baby, baby, I feel crazy, up all night, all night and every day. I gave you something, but you gave me nothing. What is happening to me?

***

Midnight.

Punctually, Aemond knocks at your door. And when you open it, he sees how nervous you are even though you believe you are not showing it. Your hair is tied in old fashion and your green gown is still on your body.

“Lord”, you greet him with a proper curtsy. “Welcome.”

He takes your hand and there kisses it, eyeing you intently as if he is looking for something behind it. Only then he closes the door. Silently, he follows you to the table close to the fireplace, where you offer him a glass of wine.

“Lady”, Aemond smiles at you. “Looking gorgeous as always.”

You pretend to occupy your gaze with the glass you take to your lips.

“Thank you, but I am unworthy of your praise.”

“How come?”, he asks you, waiting anxiously for your eyes to meet his.

Another sip.

“I am nothing like her”.

And there I go. Taken by my insecurities.

“No”, he agrees calmly. “You are a rose found in noble places.”

Silence comes when you don’t expect to hear such compliment. Aemond reclines back in the chair, pleased to make you blush.

“Since you are quiet this day, I thought we could play that game we played as children”, he smirks.

“What game?”, you cast him a suspicious gaze.

“Truth or dare”, Aemond takes a sip of his gaze. “Like old days, my dear.”

You shuffle uncomfortably in your seat.

“I do not think it is wise to play it when we are both drinking wine.”

Aemond chuckles quietly. You know you don’t trust yourself so close to him and to worse, he knows it well.

“Are you afraid of me, my dear Y/N?”

“Not really, no”, but you answer him more nervously than you’d like. “I mean…”

He then takes your hand and holds it gently. You like the contrast of your warm skin to his cold one.

“I am prepared for the thorns”, Aemond smiles sincerely. “Do you honestly take me as Aegon?”

“No”, and here you calm yourself. “Fine, let us begin.”

“I start”, and he smirks at you. “Truth or dare?”

To his disappointment, you choose truth. But to your consternation, he asks you crudely that question you thought you’d never hear.

“Do you love me, lady Y/N?”

Your eyes go wide and you nearly choke with wine. Aemond is amused by how red your face goes and this isn’t the wine speaking. You take a long sip, trying to elaborate a getaway response, but Aemond is staring at you in a way that lying is only trapping you further.

“I… Why’d you think so?”

“For questions, if I remember your rules well, only answers like yes or not are valid”, the prince laughs heartily as you frown at him.

“That is not funny, Aemond. We were children then!”

“But they remain valid! And we are not children anymore, thankfully”, to prove his point he raises his glass. “Well?”

Unwillingly, and completely red, you say:

“Yes.”

One more sip and you avoid his gaze. Aemond, however, is not letting go of your hand.

“Your turn”, he asks you, amused.

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth”, Aemond smirks.

You sigh heavily.

“Very well… Has Lady Alys been the first woman you slept with?”

Aemond laughs at your question and when seeing a dark shade of red in your face, he gently leans closer to stroke your cheek.

“You are very adorable when jealous, my lady.”

“Just answer the bloody question”, you grumble, hating the vulnerability.

“Fine. No.”

“No?”

“No. And you can’t ask me other questions, remember?”

You roll your eyes, but eventually cede a smile.

“Your turn.”

Aemond asks you the same question before. This time you know you ought to choose a different option. Therefore you come up with “dare”.

“I dare you to kiss me”, Aemond smirks.

You stand in protest.

“I shall defend my honor, lord. Who do you take me for? Are you here to play with my feelings?”

He too stands.

“We have played it before. We have been great friends too. Come now, have I ever disrespected you?”

“No”, you hesitate still. “But…”

Aemond places his hands around your waist, patiently waiting.

“Trust in me, Y/N. Do not overthink.”

You have so many arguments, Aemond knows it. But to your surprise—and so his—, you decide to obey. Wherever this is leading you, you opt not to think too much. It’s not as if your elder sisters had not done it…

And so you kiss his lips. Aemond sighs in content when tasting yours against his. It should be just like this, innocent and all, but the silver haired prince wants more. Slowly and respectfully his tongue snakes into your mouth and searches for yours.

In other circumstances you’d have panicked. But you are not a young lady anymore. A damsel you may be, but this is the knight of your dreams. And you feign some experience when cupping his face with your hands and following the rhythm he dictates.

Aemond is somewhat surprised by how good your kiss is, and he wonders if you are indeed that innocent you claim to be. And as it gets more passionate, the prince is surprised by being so captivated by you… Your touch in his face, your fingers gripping his hair, all of which gets him aroused.

Remembering the game is still on, though, he parts it briefly.

“My Gods”, he speaks breathlessly. “You surely are hiding a lot there.”

You smirk at him.

“It appears you know nothing of me, lord.”

He furrows his eyebrows.

“How should I understand that?”

You shrug your shoulders, not willing to share any secrets you might or might not have.

“Truth or dare?”, you ask as you sip one more gulp of wine.

“Dare.”

“I dare you to take off your clothes”, you smirk.

Aemond raises his eyebrows.

“Aren’t you bold?”

“Every rose has its thorn”, you giggle.

But neither parts the gaze when he does as asked. Aemond hates that your wide-eyed gaze affects him so.

“I hope this is no vindictive game whatsoever”, he grumbles under his breath, noticing how you seem to rub your leg into the other, a sight that only makes him further rigid.

You roll your eyes, refusing to answer such comment. You sip your wine, back at the chair now, enjoying the view of this silver prince… until you are surprised by his… well, state.

“Have you never seen one before?”, Aemond inquires at your subtle shyness when watching his member full erect. “Should I…?” he asks, suddenly awkward for misjudging you.

“I have not”, you admit, perhaps more leaded by the wine than otherwise. “But don’t keep it away from me. I…. I like it.”

Aemond feels a strange fever take possess of his body and it doesn’t come from his flame.

“Then I dare you to touch me.” The idea makes him further rigid, and it aches him in ways he never judged possible to feel.

You hesitate, but one more sip and the hesitation leaves you. He is now sitting in your tapestry and you join his side.

“You must guide me”, you whisper hotly in his ear.

Aemond casts you an unreadable look.

“Are you comfortable in doing it?”

Every doubt dies the moment you take the reins of the situation. You watch with a lusty curiosity as you touch his manhood, experiencing it throbbing as a result of your moves.

“Gods”, and he moans so sensually that you feel your nipples going unbearable hard under the cloth of your gown.

“Is it good?”, you ask him anxiously.

“Y-Yes”, Aemond moans louder just as he shows you how to pump it faster. “Go on, Y/Nickname.”

You bite down your lip, obeying as requested. Right under your watchful gaze, Aemond is the victim of his own game. He moans louder, his abdomen goes up and down, his breath goes heavier. You know you should stop right there, but you want to see where this will take you.

It doesn’t take a lot more before a white liquid runs into your hands, nearly ruining your gown. Aemond throws his back to the floor, and something about him collapsing like that makes you wet and fervent in your feminine parts.

“My love, you did a fantastic job”, he smiles so sweetly at you, that you cannot help but smile back. “Why is your hair still tied? I want to see it loose.”

“Let me clean my hands first”, you giggle as you stand and head to the quarters that serve as some sort of bathroom.

Once you go back, you spot Aemond nude still, now sitting in your back. You stand quiet for a moment, reclining against the wall, admiring his features.

He’s so comfortable at your privy chambers, admiring it with his natural curiosity, waiting for you as he finishes his wine. And you cannot look away from his beautiful physique, wishing to be deflowered right here, right now. Your morals can be mended with the moon tea, you decide, untangling your hair.

Sensing someone is observing him, the moment Aemond turns at you, he doesn’t need much to get erect one more time. Your long hair falls like a cascade over your shoulders, falling almost to your knees. There is something about your gaze that has the prince completely on his knees for you.

And oh so he would if you asked…

“Truth or dare, my lord?”

“Dare.”

“Take my clothes off.”

The prince stands, readily to come after you. His hands begin to unlace your heavy gown, but as he does so, he inclines to you, whispering in your ear:

“There is no lady prettier than you. You must be an angel to possess such divinity beauty. And here am I, corrupting you.”

You blush at such wording.

“You are drunk, lord. You know naught what to say.”

“Oh, aye. I do. I want you. So badly…”

And when he turns you at him, you blush at the lust gaze he casts you. Aemond removes your heavy gown, his hands already famine for your body.

“Your breasts…”, he moans, admiringly as he cups each. “Your nipples are already hard. Does my lady know what this means?”

“Nay. What could a damsel know of such matters?”, you tilt your head, waiting for his guidance.

And like a good tutor, Aemond begins to teach you.

“It means that what I feel, you feel too, evidently in different ways because our bodies are different.” He begins to touch the swells of your breasts, each finger eagerly moving to hold it fully. “Fuck. These are good and firm breasts.”

“Do you like what you see?”, you groan at his touch. And you groan louder the moment he plays with your nipples, twirling with his thumbs. “Oh my Gods!”

“Oh yes, I do”, he smirks. “It’s better than I’ve imagined.”

You stare at him in disbelief, finding hard to balance as he touches you slowly. You thus rest your hands over his shoulders.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve fucked Alys thinking of you”, Aemond confesses sincerely. “It’s true. I have loved you long before you’ve grown to love me, my lady. You have been the object of my sweetest dreams, the affection of my heart and the aim of my desires. Always wondered what’d be like to have you all to me.”

Part of you doesn’t believe him, but another one wants to. Either way you lean to kiss him passionately, and soon the game is forgotten. You sit on his lap, feeling the tip of his manhood rubbing in your entrance, which arouses you.

“My Gods, I shouldn’t be doing this”, you speak in between kisses, then dragging him to your bed. “But I need you. I need you now, Aemond.”

Somewhere along lines reason has long left you both, and the prince is prompted to align his desires with yours.

“As I need you, my lady”, and that being said his mouth drops to each nipple, making you moan louder this time, all the whilst his fingers find your entrance and there begin to play along. “All wet for me, oh my damsel!”

He hums against your skin, driving you insane. Wine may have its part to blame, but it doesn’t excuse the heavenly sentiment of doing it right—even if it’s morally wrong.

You want him right there, devouring your breasts with his tongue, his skillful hand releasing the pressure in your womanhood.

Until it gets better… and he replaces his fingers with his mouth. His tongue diving inside you brings greatest delights no book is enough to describe. You feel like a sinner, but a sinner redeemed.

“Oh Aemond!”, you want more of him, to selfishly possess him. You want him so bad that…

Every control is lost and Aemond himself feels brought to the seven heavens.

And when he removes the one thing that covers his eye, no words are needed to be said. He crawls over you, spreading your legs further. Seeking for your consent, you kiss him in confirmation.

Moved by wine, instigated by such a deadly game that played with secretive sins, this is not, however, merely lustful desire. When he penetrates you, deflowering you thus, new promises arise.

“I will make you my wife”, Aemond vows when taking your face with his hands. “No man shall touch you, my darling.”

You moan lowly in response, arms wrapped around his neck.

“Don’t make promises you cannot keep”, you whisper against his lips, enjoying the mix of pleasure and pain that comes with his gentle moves.

“I will keep”, he vows under his breath. “I am going to pregnant you woman and show the world you are mine and mine alone.”

To prevent you to protest it, Aemond searches for your lips as you two lock bodies together, moving as one.

In the end, you know, your prince has the best of you… but fruits are only about to grow.

***

• Epilogue

That a sweet rose as yourself has managed to hold tight the untamed heart of the bad reputed Targaryen prince has been the news for the season in Westeros.

Aemond Targaryen, notices a certain chronicler of Aegon II’s reign, has taken as wife Lady Y/N of House Tyrell on the last days of spring following the fifth year of King Aegon, Second of His Name’s reign.

A random courtier, on the other hand, claims that this is no ordinary marriage, but a lustful and loving gaze all made at once. You are described by your beauty and discreet manners, and rumours spread that you became Lord Aemond’s wife after refusing to be his whore.

And whatever happened to Lady Alys Rivers? No one really cares to know. But a minor chronicler suggests that she turned her whoring to Lord Daemon Targaryen. If that is really truthful, no one is bothered to discover it.

In the meantime, Aemond Targaryen takes possession of Dragonstone and there makes it home for you and the new family that comes with your children.

What really is intriguing is that less than eighth months after the wedding, Lady Visenya is born, which raises some eyebrows. But who dares to express this thought out loud?

Not as if you care or Lord Aemond does. You are all too content with the life that so many moons ago both of you desired but neither had the courage to share with each other.

And here you are now, his lady and mother of his children.

[cafedanslanuit]

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ HOW THEY SEE ROMANCE BASED ON THEIR MOON, VENUS & MARS SIGNS

isagi, bachira, kunigami ☼ chigiri, reo, nagi ☼ rin, sae oliver

why those signs? well, you see, those three are the most relevant in our charts when it comes to romance. our moon sign shows how we deal with emotions, how we express them and our emotional needs. our venus sign tells us how we approach romantic relationships and what brings us pleasure. and lastly, our mars sign reveals our truest desires, our instincts, and sexuality.

tags/warnings: gn reader + no pronouns, suggestive

note: i based my calculations on the birthdays shown on the egoist bible since they sometimes differ on different websites :) gOD im a sae whore but oliver's chart makes me wanna wreck him sgsksbs

masterlist

RIN — libra moon + scorpio venus + virgo mars

Rin, as a romantic partner, is someone you can always count on. If he loves you, he will take care of you while remaining loyal and committed to your relationship. He’s very practical, so he needs his relationship to be able to work like that as well. Doesn’t do well with long-distance relationships since he needs physical presence and reliability when he’s sharing his life with someone. For him, sex is a physical expression of love, and needs it to reassure himself. He relies on his sexuality to feel loved and connected to you, which means he can’t go on without you for much time. He’s not very communicative, even if he can be very concerned about your emotions. Doesn’t take relationships lightly, and neither does he let go without being sure he did as much as he could to make it work. He’s really attracted to people that express loyalty paired with a little fragility. If he’s really into you, he’s willing to concede in order for the relationship to work. He likes relationships where he feels safe and reinforced.

SAE — pisces moon + scorpio venus + virgo mars

While Sae may have fun here and there, it takes someone special for him to consider a serious relationship. Sex is also an important part of him because even if he values his solitude, he needs physical proof of commitment. He takes his time, rejoicing in the feelings rather than achieving pleasure and calling it a day. He sees sex as a complex layer of desire, love and control; and he has the ability to feel confident in any level of control he wants. He may consider long-distance relationships and give them a try, only to quickly figure out he needs you close. He can easily become jealous and it can translate into either moodiness or the need to be alone for a quick minute. He’s not the best at communicating his feelings and, sometimes, he may expect you to understand them as they come. He grows to really care about you as a partner, especially if you can provide reliability and steadiness to his life and is really good at picking up what you’re feeling. He tends to burn out emotionally with ease, so a relationship with constant fights will tire him out.

OLIVER — capricorn moon + leo venus + libra mars

Oliver loves to feel useful when he’s in a relationship, so he will always be looking out for ways to help you. When in love, he’s spontaneous and always open to new experiences. He’s very independent and tends to get straight to the point when it comes to saying what he needs. Very attracted to people with whom he can talk about everything and anything. He has the tendency to separate sex from feelings, even if he can be quite passionate and daring. He thrives on the idea of perfect love and might lose himself with many superficial lovers as he looks for this perfect and sometimes, unrealistic, ideal. This, however, only delays him from meeting the one. He’s very flirtatious and naturally attractive, and you just know you’re gonna have a fun time with him. For him, the perfect relationship is one where he can extend the thrill of courtship for the longest time possible while also basking in a sense of safety and security. He tends to keep his strong emotions under check and is very competent, but he will not wear his heart on his sleeve, rather waiting for the perfect person so he can finally let loose.

[heliads]

'time to spare' - genya safin

Based on this request: "my beloved male Squaller is somehow stuck with Nikolai and they just… bicker and ma boi is just teasing him with Zoya like “I know you love her! Because you look like me when I talk about Genya! … and Zoya does too. When she talks about you.”"

masterlist

Keeping a king safe is a difficult and dangerous thing. The task is made exponentially more challenging when the king you’re meant to be protecting is even a little bit obstinate or hotheaded. When the king has lived a separate life as Sturmhond, one of the most infamous privateers to grace the True Sea, you might as well give up hope. Nikolai Lantsov may be the current king of Ravka, but that doesn’t seem to have stopped him from taking just as many risks as when he had commanded warships on the open ocean.

As a Squaller, you’ve been blessed with gifts beyond what a normal man could ever dream of achieving. Over the years, you’ve honed your ability to control wind and air to a knifepoint’s accuracy. You can hear intruders coming from leagues away. You can steal breath from a man’s lungs in the blink of an eye. However, there is one thing you can’t do, and that is to talk Nikolai out of a suicide mission when he feels it’s the right course of action to take.

You had tried, this time. Really, you had. While returning home from an important meeting with Ravkan nobles situated near Tsibeya, Nikolai had heard that some important hostages were being held in a keep just a short distance over the Fjerdan border. He had insisted that he would lead a charge to rescue the hostages, and despite your arguing that this was a terrible idea, the attack had been launched accordingly. You and Nikolai had gone along with maybe half a dozen other Ravkan guards.

Despite your best intentions, however, you were caught in the act of freeing the hostages. Nikolai had directed a couple of his guards to take the hostages and run. Seeing as you haven’t heard of them since, you can assume that they got to freedom, but you and Nikolai weren’t so lucky. A pair of other soldiers are imprisoned in a cell down the hall, and you and Nikolai share a similar block. Your hands are chained above your head, giving you just enough room to sit on the stone floor and lean against a wall for some semblance of comfort. 

Since your hands are bound, you can’t summon your Squaller abilities and Nikolai can’t pick the lock from his angle. The only thing left to do, then, is to wait for the guards to get back to camp and bring reinforcements. Unfortunately, neither you nor Nikolai are very good at waiting.

Barely an hour or two has passed before the two of you start getting impatient. There are Fjerdan guards somewhere out in the hall, although they’ve been careful to keep out of sight so as to disguise their numbers.

Nikolai whistles quietly under his breath. “D’you reckon they’d give me a deck of cards if I promised not to break out of here?” He asks you. “I’m kind of bored.”

“Your hands are chained together,” you note. “How in the Saints’ name would you play cards?”

Nikolai frowns. “I hadn’t considered that. Maybe we could use our toes?”

“I’m not touching cards that your toes have touched,” you tell him.

Nikolai makes a face. “They’re royal toes. I hear some people would consider anything touched by my toes a holy relic.”

“I believe the fact that I don’t think that is a strong reason that you hired me in the first place,” you remind him. “You were afraid that I would sell off your used handkerchiefs or something.”

Nikolai nods slightly, accepting this. “It was a real concern. Of course, you could sell off my handkerchiefs even if you didn’t believe they were religious relics, but I appreciate you abstaining from that. It would be dreadfully difficult to explain to the palace seamstresses if I constantly needed new ones.”

“That would be awful,” you remark. “Also, keep your voice down. If these Fjerdans haven’t clued onto the fact that you’re the king, I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Of course, my trusted guard,” Nikolai says. He attempts to salute you, but the chains make it difficult to fully complete the gesture. “I assumed they would have known by now, though. I saw them sending a scout out. Plus, they kept pointing at my face. I know it’s irresistibly attractive, but there’s no need to single me out like that unless they suspect something.”

You roll your eyes. “Maybe they were commenting on the fact that they’d never seen such a vain prisoner in their entire lives.”

“Or maybe they suspected a Lantsov,” Nikolai murmurs. “I’m out of royal uniform since we were traveling. Unless they’d personally seen me before, they’d have no reason to suspect I was anything more than a highly placed guard.”

You shrug as best you can despite the chains. “True. Then the only thing we can do right now is make sure we’re not here when they send someone who can recognize your face.”

Nikolai glances obviously at the chains securing both of your wrists, then the locked cell door. “That makes perfect sense to me. What’s your plan for getting out?”

You meet his stare unblinkingly. “I’m just the muscle, your highness. I believe you’re the one who’s meant to be coming up with plans.”

Nikolai mutters a few uncharitable curses, then adds on, “I suppose you’re right about that. Maybe Zoya will come and save us all. She’s prone to fantastic rescues.”

You can’t help but chuckle at the soft expression that comes over his face. “Of course your first thought goes straight to Zoya.”

Nikolai narrows his eyes at you. “What exactly is that supposed to mean? I am perfectly capable of referring to my second in command. I thought that was expected of first in commands.”

You bite back a laugh. “Of course it is. It’s just that you’re hopelessly in love with her, and that makes the whole affair rather amusing to watch.”

Nikolai’s jaw drops. He attempts to swat you on the hands for that sort of remark, but he just can’t manage it with the position of his chains, so he settles instead for sort of aggressively tapping your boot with his. “How dare you? Take that back at once.”

This time, you can’t help a proud grin. “Of course I won’t. You’re stuck in here with me, so I’ll say what we’ve all been wanting to say for a long time. You are in love with Zoya Nazyalensky.”

Nikolai’s brows jump comically. “Oh, all of us, huh? I want names, L/N.”

“I’m not going to rat out my own men,” you say exasperatedly, “Besides, I’d have to tell you the names of everyone in Os Alta. Except Zoya, of course. For some reason, she’s just as oblivious as you are.”

“Don’t call Zoya oblivious,” Nikolai says fiercely.

You fight the urge to groan. “See? This is exactly what I’m talking about. You can’t go an hour without bringing her up or otherwise defending her honor. You’re in love, Nik. Admit it.”

Nikolai purses his lips, looking studiously out the bars of the cell door instead of at you. “I don’t have to do anything of the sort. This is pure speculation.”

“It is not speculation,” you insist. “I know you’re in love because you look just like me whenever I talk about Genya.”

Nikolai frowns. “I don’t talk about Genya. No more than my job requires, of course.”

For such a clever fox, Nikolai can be decidedly thick-headed when he puts his mind to it. You fight the urge to scream and instead carry on with your argument. “I should hope you’re not talking about my wife like that. I’m right, though. There are parallels here, Nikolai. Serious parallels. I’m in love with Genya and you’re in love with Zoya. Can we agree on that?”

Nikolai is silent for a moment. At last, the tentative peace in the cell is broken by his quiet question, “Do you really think she loves me?”

You snort. “You don’t even have to ask.”

“I do,” Nikolai tells you. He looks directly at you, as if he could tell your truth from lies by just the movement of your pupils. “Does Zoya love me?”

“Yes,” you say firmly. “She loves you just as much as you love her.”

Nikolai releases a breath, crumpling back against the cell wall again. “Saints. I didn’t even know.”

“You were scared to admit it was a possibility,” you correct. “But I think you did know.”

“Maybe,” Nikolai says. “Kings aren’t supposed to be scared.”

“Men are,” you say simply. “It’s not a bad thing. Saints know I was positively petrified to tell Genya how I felt.”

Nikolai chokes out a laugh. “Oh, I almost forgot about that. You were a mess for days leading up to it.”

You shrug. “And look where it got me. I’m a married man, Nikolai. Things work out.”

“Things work out,” he repeats slowly, going over the words like they were a mantra or a prayer.

Maybe he really did mean it as a prayer, because silence has hardly settled over the cell again before the door at the far end of the hall flies open, slamming into the wall with a deafening thud. The Fjerdan guards rise to meet the challenge, but they’re immediately forced to the ground by a mass of fierce wind so strong it might as well have been a solid wall.

A grin rises to your lips. You’ve only seen one Squaller quite so powerful as that. “Looks like you’ll get the chance to tell her sooner rather than later.”

Nikolai sits up interestedly. Seconds later, two women are standing in front of your cage door. The Squaller who had taken out the guards is unlocking the door, her sapphire kefta dotted slightly with ice crystals from the journey to the stronghold, but you can’t spare one glance at Zoya Nazyalensky, too interested in the the woman next to her, the one in the ruby kefta who’s beaming at you.

“Genya,” you croak out.

She smiles, flying into the cell the second Zoya gets the door open. She falls to her knees in front of you, hurriedly undoing your chains so she can take you into her arms the second the cuffs are off. You can feel the slow rush of blood and power returning to your veins, but that doesn’t feel half so good as being back with your wife.

“How did you find us?” You ask, cupping Genya’s face gently with your hands.

She smiles. “The scouts sent word as fast as we could. After that, we wasted no time saving you.”

“No, you didn’t,” Nikolai says. Zoya has let him out and they’re standing opposite each other, exchanging nervous and tentative glances. You know those sorts of looks, you’ve had your share of them with Genya.

You glance back at Genya, who’s smiling softly at the scene, and take her hand. “Let’s free the other guards,” you suggest quietly. “I think these two might want some time to talk.”

Genya nods, leading you back out into the hall. Once you’re free of the cell, you pull Genya in for a sweet kiss. “Thanks for the rescue,” you tell her.

She beams again. Alina Starkov may be the only known Sun Summoner, but you swear there’s pure sunlight in each one of Genya’s smiles. “Any time,” she says. “Just don’t make it a habit.”

“I’ll do my best,” you promise. It’s one oath you don’t mind swearing. Your favorite promise of all has already been made, but this one isn’t all that bad, either.

requested by @reinekes-fox, i hope you enjoy!

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggie2000, @baju69, @crazyhearttragedy, @budugu, @aoi-targaryen

all tags list: @wordsarelife

[bengiyo]

My School President Ep 5 Stray Thoughts

I'm so glad to be back with this show. Thankfully we took a break at what felt like the end of an act. I'm still not over the pinky clasp from the last episode, and am very excited to see where the acknowledged attraction takes these boys next. Also, I really like Sound as a character, and hope he causes more complications.

Ah, a jaded school counselor. Time to think about the future and face the reality that your dream job might not be attainable or give you the life you want.

I like this opening scene. It's very stylish. Placing all of the students in the same framing reinforces the common experience for all of the characters. It's easy to see how a counselor ends up feeling this way, when you watch so many students' lives take a different turn.

Also, Mark Pakin is really good.

Poor Gun. He was having a lot of fun with his friends and staring into the middle distance, but now he has to accept that maybe they're not as committed to music as him.

I'm still floored by the opening song being a torch passed down to this club about how they have each other's backs. It's still affecting me this week.

It's a bit subtle, but I like the way Gemini is playing Tinn as more relaxed about approaching Gun now. Fourth does a good job responding so quickly to it as if it's a matter of fact now. They're a solid pair.

Gun didn't ask, but I want to know what Tinn is interested in as a profession.

Time to revive the #they are literally always flirting tag

The mom's collapsed is executed really well here. The boys are just flirting as they do before the jarring crash behind them. As with all major life events, they happen suddenly and without warning.

She collapses like this all the time? What the hell??

Of course Tinn is going to offer to help his prospective boyfriend and hopefully-future mother-in-law. Gun's little appreciative smile is all the reward our simp needs.

Tinn's characterization is so consistent. He's at his best, bravest, and most endearing when he's helping. Gun is getting a bit nervous, so Tinn suggests a practice dish. Gun gets nervous about how good it is, so Tinn just takes a big bite. Gun is clearly enamored as a result.

Oh ho! Our first signs of mild jealousy and possessiveness from Gun. He was very polite about telling those girls to back off. Kaojao (SCOY) would be proud.

Again, Tinn is finally comfortable enough with Gun that he's only amused when Gun clings to him when the lights went off, and is able to teasingly deflect about how much devotion he's shown.

Ah, the answer to my question: Despite his hardworking nature, Tinn doesn't know what he wants for himself.

Gun loves his mom so much. It's lovely.

Oh no. Looks like the shop isn't doing so well. Gun's whole world is cracking apart.

Hey, Fourth is also pretty good. It felt like that was the first time he's said he'd cut our Hot Wave aloud, and we could see his heart break immediately.

Win's clicks on the controller don't match any gameplay I recognize. (I'm just being silly. I know he's acting.)

Our best boy Tiwson is gonna keep us focused on the prize.

I love Gun's mom. She absolutely knows that Tinn likes Gun, and is only nudging enough to make sure Gun doesn't give up on himself for her. We stan.

I am obsessed with Tinn's jogging outfit. Did they intentionally put him in almost-lesbian-flag colors?

The BL Juice has made its appearance.

Oh it's been a good minute since I've seen a piggyback ride.

Tiwson is going to fix this entire band. Now Por is getting a push.

Yes, boys, let's flirt over a fake interview.

RAP OF WAR CONTEST. Love this energy.

Sometimes you need a rival to make you determined enough to push past your stage fright. Curious where Win and Sound end up.

Is Tinn is a GMM office?? LOL

Oh, Tinn is lying to his mom now. I will remember this seed for later.

This producer looks a little bit like Alanis Morissette. Too bad she has to disappoint our boys.

His name is Winny Da Pooh. I'm going to ascend.

Sound isn't a total ass. Look at him saving Win and giving him a shove.

Oh no the sunshine boy is breaking down. It's always sad, but it really is one of the best parts of any drama.

Business Administration? Baby boy, no.

That's right, Mom. Rebuild your son with the power of music.

It's like Au watched Rainbow Prince and was PISSED that The Philippines beat them to a musical. I'm absolutely here for the whole cast singing. Love that we got the band back together.

But also, I wanted to hear Winny Da Pooh rap.

This show's comedic timing is genuinely funny. "I can put my mind at ease..." Into Gun running screaming into the room. Perfect.

Ah good. Gun now finally understands Tinn's motivations. Not an episode 5 kiss, but close to it on the moving forward phase.

[arlo-venn]

7, 21, 26

7) What was your first dogs name?

Sebastian :’) He was a white german shepherd, we grew up together. I’m actually only a thing that exists because my mom wanted a puppy, and my dad wanted a son, so they made a tbh kind of gross deal that my mom could get a puppy if they had another baby. I was eventually born, not a son much to my father’s dismay, and three months later they adopted Sebastian from a breeder in a newspaper. He was my best friend, he passed when we were 13. I had a very… dark and unkind childhood and this dog got me through the bulk of it. We moved around a lot, and in each house we lived in he would teach himself how to open and close my bedroom door so he could come and go of his own volition. He never touched anyone else’s door. I was the only one he didn’t pull on the leash, even when I was very small and he was very big. I don’t have many photos, but here are three:

Us as babies and one I took with my first antique camera ever at like 11-12, which is when I first started noticing him getting old. He had two tiny little sisters (yorkie/beagle/jack russel mix sisters Roxy and Elsie) who he was very sweet and gentle with, was a good guard dog when necessary but was also lovely with strangers and dogs and all animals alike. His leash pulling and penchant to run away to find me at my friends’ houses when I wasn’t home were his only “bad” behaviors. He would travel some distances to find me, too! Once he ran through my friend’s house with muddy paws right after her mom had cleaned the carpets. Her doors were open letting it air out and he just came in. I wasn’t there though I had already left! That house was at least a mile away from home. Anyway he was the best dog in the world besides Arlo (it’s really not fair to compare them, Sebastian was my childhood savior but Arlo is my heart dog).

21) A useless trick that you love?

See, the only trick I can see as “useless” is “head down” which is only used for posing for photos. Except it has become something he does when he wants me to share food that I’m eating. I’m sure I accidentally reinforced that at some point. I guess “what’s the password?” (aka speak) is genuinely useless but also fun 😅

26) What’s your dogs favorite game to play inside?

Catch is his favorite game to play any time anywhere. We play tugga inside more than outside. He likes to bring me scraps of cardboard to hold so he can chew through them and turn them into MORE cardboard scraps. We have cardboard confetti in bed with us right now! And obviously we wrestle. He’s very easy to please tbh. He thinks anything is a fun game as long as we’re doing it together. I think he thought living in our car for three months was a fun game, too.

[profsilverleaf]

Regarding the Johto Raid, (what happened)

Context: There's a villain team known as Team Calm. They genetically modify Pokemon to make them more friendly and cute, to the detriment to those Pokemon's well-being.

This is the story of my part in the Team Calm Johto Raid

I have sneaked around their Kalos lab along with a friend (ooc: Leinwen of untitledswanna). Together we gathered incriminating evidence and she sent it to Prof Lemon. Someone we knew that was well-known and was concerned about Team Calm.

Well this ended up leading to Miku calling for the Alola raid, something I was initially planning on joining in. Then an idea struck my mind... why just stop at the Alola base? What if we struck another base at the same time, or a little bit after the Alola raid?

Well I privately went to Lemon with the idea and she was receptive to it. We had both ended up going to Johto. Well, we were still planning things out by the time the Alola raid ended and Miku also made a call on some individuals (which ended up including both me and Lemon coincidentally) to quietly raid the Johto base.

So it was me, Lemon, Cee, Touya, Taraka, and Arezu. Our small group worked together to do a covert operation. Lemon would stay outside with a truck for transporting the Pokemon while the rest of us sneak inside and get the Pokemon out, as well as keep guards busy.

Things started off very well... I was finding great success in using my Abra, Houdini to quickly teleport Pokemon to the truck, as well as keeping guards at bay with my other Pokemon.

Then I saw a message in our groupchat we made for our Johto raid. Lemon was calling for immediate help because of guards finding the truck and her not being able to hold all of them back at once. I had Houdini teleport me to the truck so I could help her.

I asked Houdini to keep up the mission of teleporting the UD Pokemon to the truck, the little guy would have to go alone though, but he was up to the task.

Me and Lemon worked together to defend the Pokemon in the truck from being captured by the guards. I'm not really sure how long it went on, I'm not good at time. But it was maybe only 5 minutes since I had got there, when the fire became visible to us. The building had caught on fire!

I don't know how it happened. And I wonder how fast it had spread. It could have already been started before I even left.

How could I describe that moment... the feeling of shock of seeing something that spelled doom. Things had been going relatively well. They had been.

I was so utterly focused on the guards, both in front of us and some I could see running over in the distance. I was also focused on the Pokemon in truck double checking that they were alright. I felt glad everytime I saw the flash of Houdini briefly showing up before flashing away. Houdini, along with one of Taraka's Pokemon, a Cosmog.

I didn't notice the fire immediately, it was Lemon who saw it. I just remember her gasping in horror and I looked her way and saw what she was seeing. The guards we had been going up against must have saw our aghast faces because they started turning around and panicking, calling to people inside the building with their walkies-talkies... or at least trying to...

You see... I have a Magneton, and magnets and electronics often don't go well together. And I didn't want them to call for reinforcements... so I had Click mess with electronics so they would stop working.

I like to think. I hope to think. That the people inside already knew and were already working on dealing with the fire. I hate to think... that I made things worse... that people would have known sooner if I hadn't done that...

Seeing the fire I scrambled to think of something... anything I could do. I did have an idea but I wasn't sure how effective it would be. After all it wasn't a move my Porygon Z, Zip, had used in years. And I'm not exactly.... a fan of the move. But using Blizzard was the best I could think of that could slow down the fire.

So I told Zip to use Blizzard on the fire. It looked at me as if I had pulled a Doduo and grew two heads. But with seeing the fire already slowly spreading it nodded. And I braced myself. You see.... I'm not really a big fan of ice moves. Or ice types. Or ice and snow in general. Not a fan. I've got my reasons. (and I hate Neo Plasma)

The Blizzard helped a little... I think. I tried my best to keep my mind of the... ice. Instead I was just waiting and waiting for the other people we came with to get out. I was also on the edge of my seat when it came to Houdini, despite the fire it insisted to keep going in anyway. Later, Houdini had to be treated for some serious burns at the Pokecenter. The little guy just had to keep going in the dangerous areas to get out anybody it could. That also ended up including humans as well. I guess he knew he was one of the best chances for those trapped in the fire to get out safely.

The blaze increased in intensity, despite the best efforts of Zip and the water Pokemon that the guards had, as well as the water type UDs (unfortunately their water moves were very weak). I saw Houdini growing weaker from the burns and constant teleporting. I worried that it would just faint inside the building. So I grabbed him to stop him from teleporting. I knew that if just used the ball he would get out and go right back to what he was doing. But if I was holding on to him, if he teleported he would end up carrying me along. I knew he wouldn't.

I don't speak Abra, but I think he was basically swearing at me for stopping him from going back. He wasn't happy.

I ended up going home to Kalos after this mess. I thought I would be going back to Alola.... but I needed me time. I helped to get some of the UDs into Kalos shelters.

The nurses say that Houdini will be ok but that it will likely have burn scars for the rest of its life. I suppose in a funny way we match. It has fire scars and I have an ice-related scar.

I've been a bit quite lately, I've had a lot to think about.

I saw Lemon's post and decided to make my own.

From my knowledge, the Team Calm people do keep records of who worked there as well as the Pokemon. But the records got burnt in the fire. The other bases had backup records... but the backups were being kept in the Johto Lab. It was the main lab after all. I don't know if there were any other backups or not.

Even if there were I'm not sure if I would strength to look at them. But I would anyway. I would have to know, even if I don't want to. To know how many were lost in the fire. It be a sort of... closure.

I worry this whole thing was a mistake.

[whiskeyswriting]

Your Daughter

⚠️TW: mentions of past emotional abuse; mentions of death

Song Inspiration: Your Daughter by Chase McDaniel

The moment he laid eyes on her Ron knew Jade was the one. However, it took him a couple years to officially meet her. 

Upon meeting and spending more time with her, he knew he would marry her the moment he could. They talked about everything under the sun, but there were still things Jade wasn’t telling him.

He knew she wasn’t hiding a secret out of malice. No. He understood that she had built up and reinforced walls to protect herself. 

Slowly, he learned how to break down those walls to let love and light into her heart. He made sure he told her daily how much he loves her; how happy is to have her in his life. 

Little by little, Jade opened up to Ron about her childhood. While there were precious memories she would always cherish, he knew she had demons fighting to get out and haunt her at any moment.

The first time she fully opened up to him they had just gotten back from a dinner date with Ice and Dragon. “Did I ever tell you of the time my father left me waiting for a ride home at my summer job during a thunderstorm?”

“I’m sorry what?”

“Yeah he was working near the hospital and he told me he’d pick me up since he was nearby… I guess he forgot about that and went drinking while I was left to walk half a mile in the pouring rain with lightning and no umbrella.”

“Is that why you are always looking up at the clouds?” He asks teasingly, trying to lighten the mood.

Whiskey just smiles and nods. “I guess.”

After that, Whiskey closed up a bit to Slider, keeping him at a distance to part of her past.

Slider knew he wanted to marry her and he was a traditional guy. He always said he would ask for the hand of the woman he would marry. Subtly, he tried to get Whiskey to give him her father’s information but she never took the bait. 

He stopped asking once he saw he wasn’t getting anywhere but he already had a ring in mind and even went with Ice and Dragon to buy the ring. During that same time, Ice and Dragon were finalizing the plans for their wedding.

Whiskey enjoyed sharing in the preparations of the wedding along with taking part of the morning of photos. 

Slider and Whiskey snuck away from the rooms they were to do their own mini photoshoot in their best man and bridesmaids outfits. 

“One day our wedding will be even more fun,” Slider says as he pulls Whiskey in for a kiss, causing her to melt against him.

“Yeah. It’ll just be a small party,” she says and changes the subject.

It wasn’t until the father-daughter dance at Ice and Dragon’s wedding that Slider was able to pinpoint the final crack in Whiskey’s walls.

Whiskey watched her friend start dancing with her father as tears filled her eyes. The pain in her chest increased, making breathing hard to do. She excused herself from the table before the tears could fall.

She loved every moment of the wedding and reception. But it always was difficult for her to watch a moment she would never have. 

Slider went after her and just wrapped her in a tight hug when he found her crying alone. “Oh Whisk… I’ve got you. I’m here.”

That was the moment Whiskey found the strength to finally open up to Slider. “I haven’t spoken to my father in years… The moment just reminded me that… That I have no family. Not really.” 

Slider doesn’t say anything and he just holds her tightly against himself. After a few minutes, he asks her if she’s ready to get back to the reception. “Or would you rather I take you home? They’d understand.”

“No no. I’m better now. I want to be here for them… Thank you for coming to check on me,” Whiskey says before kissing him softly.

They return and enjoy the rest of the reception. Both lead the newlyweds to their car and send them off to their honeymoon.

Once they are back in their room, Whiskey starts pouring out her heart to Slider. “For the first few years of my life, things were okay. At least that’s how I always saw it… But in reality, my mom did the best that she could to protect me from my father’s depression. There was only so much she could do.”

Whiskey tells him of the countless times her father attempted suicide only to have her be the one to find and stop him. “After he was released from the hospital and came back home, he looked at me like I was his enemy. He would refuse to acknowledge me.” 

She told him of the time he, essentially, held the family hostage in the car and took them across state lines, while driving at excessive speeds. The only reason they stopped was because the car ran out of gasoline. 

She finally told him of how after her mother and sister’s passing, her father was left with so much anger and grief. Often he took that anger out on Jade with his words. Eventually, he turned to alcohol and gambling when he wasn’t working.

“There were times that, since it was just me and him, there was no food at home and he wouldn’t want to spend money on groceries… Whenever he would come back from the casinos, he would yell at me that I was worthless… That I would never be anyone. That I’d always be a failure and I’d never be happy… He didn’t come to my high school graduation.” 

He learned that she spent the week after graduating high school in the hospital taking care of him. He never got her a gift for her graduation nor even congratulated her.

“I had sent him a ticket for my boot camp graduation,” her voice starts wavering. “I stood there waiting for him to tap me out… I don’t know why I kept hoping he would show… Eventually Robyn tapped me out.”

Slider just listened to her. He didn’t interrupt. He didn’t tell her that she wasn’t worthless. He already showed her every day she was worth everything. Instead, he let her talk and say everything that she needed to say.

Eventually, they both fell asleep as the sun was starting to come up.

When he awoke, he knew what he needed to do. He no longer planned on asking for her hand in marriage. Her father gave up that right when he refused to be there for Jade when she needed him most. Still that didn’t mean Slider wouldn’t find him and have a talk with him. 

It took some time but he was able to find the information for Jade’s father. He enlisted the help of Robyn “Venom” Sullivan and her husband Beau “Cyclone” Simpson. They were to keep Whiskey busy and distracted the day Slider would go meet with her father.

Soon, the day came and Slider knew this was the right choice. He got up and kissed Whiskey’s cheek as she slept. 

He drove to the address he found but there was no response. He’s about to leave when he hears noise coming from the backyard. He calls out as he goes to check. “Mr. John Rogers?”

A stumbling man comes out with a beer in his hand. His eyes are bloodshot. The stench of beer soaked clothes reaches Slider’s nose. “Yeah… I think I found the right house,” he says clenching his jaw.

“Who are you? What do you want…?” The man slurs.

“I came to talk to you about your daughter Jade…” Slider starts.

“Is she finally in jail? Did she commit some crime? Wait wait… Are you married? Is she your lover? I always knew she’d never amount to anything good…” 

“Actually Mr. Rogers… Lieutenant Jaden Rogers is an amazing Naval aviator. But that’s sharing more information than you deserve to know.”

Jade's father scoffs at Slider. 

“Before I leave, I think you should read this letter. I figured you’d be too drunk to try and reason with.”

Mr. Rogers:

Normally I would have tried to talk to you to do the right thing in wanting to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage. However, I have become aware of how you treated her. How you see her. 

So I’m not here to ask for her hand. I will marry her, because she’s an amazing woman. Just know that she is still scared to love and that's thanks to you. The way she talks, I can tell that she's been through it. She looks at love like she's being introduced to it… The first man to hold her heart put a bruise to it.

How could you break her down 'til she don't know what she's worth? 'Cause she's smart, she's pretty, she's funny. Man, it's a pity. When you sober up, maybe you should call her.

No, you can't change what's been done. But you'd be proud of who she's become. 'Cause she's sensitive, she's tough. Yeah, she's been always more than enough. I see everything you didn't wanna see and I'm gonna show her not everybody leaves. Don't call 'til you wanna be a father. 

Signed, the man who loves your daughter.

Ron left the letter on a nearby table. “I’ll be sure to learn from you on how NOT to be a father.” With that he takes his leave. Before arriving home, he stops to buy varioust flower bouquets. He knows today is her day to volunteer at the library reading to the children.

He calls Dragon and Venom to help him finalize the plans for his proposal. “I won’t do it today… But it will be soon. She deserves the best in life. I need to prove to her that I will not become her father.”

After their meeting, Slider drives to the library with all the flowers. He approaches one of the librarians and asks her to have the children help him give flowers to Whiskey. 

One by one, the kids bring her the flowers until the last one to approach her is Slider with a bouquet. “Hello my love. Are you ready for our lunch date?” 

Whiskey can’t help but smile up at him. “For you, I’m always ready… Can we stop by the post office on the way?”

He nods and looks down at the envelope and notices the name and address.

Whiskey sees him noticing. “It’s time I let go of the ghosts of my past to focus on our future. Because you’re it for me Slider. You’re my home. My forever. My strength.” 

He kisses her tenderly before responding “I’ll always make you proud of me and prove that you deserve all the love in the world.”

As he walks her to the car, he palms the ring in his pocket. The day he would give it to her was much closer than anyone anticipated.

- -

Discord 🏷️ List: @askmarinaandothers @bayisdying @callsign-dragonbaron @callsignscupcake @cycbaby @mtnofgrace @mischief-siriusly-managed @cosmicshrine @likelyrowdy @callsignthirsty

Forever 🏷️ List: @callmemana

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

hey, I'm writing to you because you seem to be a very trusted person, and I don't have anyone with whom I could talk about it in rl. exactly 3 years ago I discovered bts, and I still believe that those first weeks of watching their content were the best time of my life, those videos with their funny moments became my escape from the real world. Before I knew it, I became so attached to bts that at one point they were an integral part of me. However, at the beginning of 2022 I slowly started to lose interest, I thought that I would finally move on with my life and forget about them. But then their hiatus and military enlistment were announced. that's when I realized that I had been taking them for granted and that I hadn't appreciated them when they were still in the band together. I think this break is needed, both for the bts members and for ourselves, because we can analyze why we became bts fans in the first place and why we want to continue to stay with them.

Hey! Trusted by whom haha? Thank you! The only person I talk about BTS irl with is my mom, but she doesn't really get it, so I feel you.

I understand what you mean. I felt a growing distance from BTS in 2021 when most of the content we got were ads and campaigns - so many of them, and so random, like they were trying to build their own Amazon with just with their sponsors' products and services. There was minimal music, Bangtan Bombs, performances, etc. to carry us through, and let's just say PTD was not my favorite song. The "hiatus" announcement also "pulled me back in", though I'd never left, but I became a lot more focused on BTS again. I don't believe I'd been taking them for granted, but BTS being sort of "broken down" into its essential parts - each of the members - forced us all to look at each of the seven, as well as the whole group, in a new light, and thus our relationship with the members and BTS naturally shifted. Army itself is different now and the solo era revealed a lot about the fandom that used to be hidden or less obvious when we were all united under a common goal - we still have many shared goals, obviously, and we've always had our own agendas as well, but now almost every faction of the fandom has its own agenda and they mostly don't coincide.

Solo era isn't making me reconsider why I like BTS and why I want to stay a fan, apart from reinforcing why I love the seven the most and why their group dynamics are essential to me being Army. It's also making me miss them more. I guess. unconsciously, I can't abandon them now, even I wanted to, because I have to stay with them until they reunite and prove my loyalty? But I have been reflecting on my relationship with Jungkook, in particular, since I don't have the same kind of attachment with anyone else and, honestly, no one else has revealed himself so much as Jungkook. The other members are mostly still a mystery while Jungkook has been peeling back the layers to expose himself in a way that has us reeling tbh. It's very weird with Jungkook because it feels like I'm "losing" him yet also like I've never felt so close to him, because we're connecting as people, and less as fan/artist?

Anyway, I understand why you might feel this way and I hope you found a way to reconnect with BTS. As Army, we don't want to feel like we've "abandoned" BTS and walk away from years of devotion and loving them - I get that completely -, but you don't have to force yourself to hold on to them if you don't want to, and it almost seems like you might feel a bit pressured to?

Thanks for the ask! You can come vent anytime! I guess people really do feel comfortable talking to me and I'm really grateful for that.

[novathesheltie]

Resource guarding and dog friendliness, an update

An update on Nova's reactivity and dog aggression/friendliness and how it's all related to his resource guarding (duh me).

Before

So Nova used to be very reactive. He's gotten in fights with dogs. He's bitten dogs. He's snapped at puppies. He's made a dog bleed. On leash, off-leash, you name it. Small dog, big dog, giant breed, you betcha. He's gone for anyone. He used to be triggered more by big fluffy dogs, particularly huskies, malamutes, and Samoyeds. But, really, anyone was at risk. Any dog accepted in Nova's inner circle first passed a lengthy selection process that went on inside Nova's head. Sometimes long exposure to a dog from a distance, with treats given every time he looked towards it, helped ease his reactivity. There was an instance where he went from rabid dog to friendly dog by doing just that. It wasn't a reliable technique despite several good results. He also had lived with at least one other dog his entire life, either Koa or Laska. We lived with Koa and a boxer for the last few months in the states.

Today

We've been in France for the last 6 months. We don't live with another dog, but we do see dogs every day, often the same ones. I take him out for 1hr walk every day after class. 20min to get to the park, 20min doing parkour at the park, 20min to get home. At home, he has the pleasure of living with two other housemates as well. He's content. His needs are met.

The first month or so, I avoided other dogs on walks to avoid piling up any problems as I was still dealing with the move. The biggest thing, however, is that I stopped taking my treat pouch on walks. I got lazy, essentially. I was happy to be back in my hometown, and I was glad to let myself slowly re-adapt to this lifestyle.

Turns out, this was an excellent decision. No taking the treat pouch. No treats have been distributed on walks since then. None. Not treats, not kibble, nothing.

Result? Nova stopped seeing me as a food dispenser. Nova stopped worrying about food on walks. Nova stopped worrying about his resource being threatened. Thus, Nova stopped resource-guarding me. Nova became "friendly". He greets other dogs, now. He's nice to them, and sometimes he even offers to play. It's clear he's not the best-socialized dog-he gets the zoomies with old dogs who aren't up to play, or with dogs clearly exhibiting aggression. He gets shy and reserved with playful dogs. He's still very stiff when another dog sniffs him-which, you'd say, "that's not good", but it's Nova's way of climbing those stairs to being okay with the interaction. A second later and he's acting normal sniffing the other dog. He's unsure, and he's not 100% comfortable, but he's still seeking the greeting and goes through the interaction with flying colors. I still make sure the greeting is destined to go well-I watch for any sign that may say otherwise, I keep the interaction short. I act very nonchalantly (continue on walking, calling Nova's name, or letting the leash looser if he's leashed) (if he's not on a leash, it's bc we're on a hike with minimal chances of encountering dogs, or we're at the park doing parkour.)

Nova hasn't gotten into a fight since we got back to France. Nova hasn't resource guarded in the company of strangers (dogs) once. He's shown his teeth at the appropriate moments. He's told off a dachshund who tried humping him. But he hasn't even acted aggressively when we've both been spooked by the sudden presence of a dog.

It's clear it's gotten quieter in his head. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's still a full-blown circus going up there, but the anxiety regarding food is gone. And thus, I have a much more stable dog at the other end of the leash.

What are our reinforcers, you ask? I still train with him, of course, though I am happy the bulk of it is done already. Today, we use play and freedom as rewards. It makes our walks much more interactive and much more pleasant, too. I feel like I am constantly conversing with Nova. We're constantly telling each other things, doing things, and directly interacting with our surroundings. A reward for ignoring a dog is to jump on a bench five meters away. A reward for listening during our walk is to be let off leash immediately as we get to the park. His reward for having perfect recall is to high-five me (he loves it) and "okay!" -> his cue to go do whatever he wants. Sometimes he goes back to sniff or goes up ahead to explore, sometimes he stays with me.

This means that we can walk in the park off-leash and I don't have to worry about Nova causing trouble. Most of the time now, he ignores dogs. He'd rather be with me and play. It also means that, even during a walk where we're kind of both doing our own thing (him sniffing, me on my phone) I can recall him and say "leave it" as he's running towards me and ignoring the dog he's running past.

It's a relief, and a happiness that is beyond description seeing Nova like this. I wish I had done this from the start, not using treats for his training. He's incredibly food motivated and will work tooth and nail even for a piece of lettuce, but the anxiety he gets from it is not worth it.

He's still not the silent, "at peace" dog, he is very vocal and very expressive still and has many things to say on a daily basis, including seeing dogs. But it's not aggression, it's not resource guarding, it's curiosity, want, general basic reactivity (like, "holy heck what is THAT?!", "It's a fluffy bush, Nova", "No DUDE, I swear, it's not that", "yes it is now come on and stop being weird", "BUT BRO", etc.) (or, "omg can i go see that dog over there pls...", "no", "im literally cryin why are u so mean:(", "dude stop whining", etc.) It's not 100% perfect, he is still Nova, after all.

But...he is much happier and much more stable in that nogging of his, and that's what matters.

[caparrucia]

Apropos of nothing at all, I will share with you the dumbest fucking example of self-inflicted "anon harassment" I've ever been subjected to.

It's also why I have a good chunk of the old Homestuck circle I was tangentially part of blocked: they're friends with this person, and they follow them and reblog their posts all the time. This is not me saying they shouldn't be friends with her, or that no one is allowed to reblog/like her stuff. This is just me quarantining the wank so I don't have to be exposed to it, even on second hand.

But this particular idiot that I shall not name, because I'm classier than that, sent us (me, my friend and the shared blog we kept) a long ass tirade of like, sixty anon messages in total. Basic anon hate 101 shit. Basic bullshit.

The thing is, the anon hate was not targeting us. It was in fact weirdly, passive-aggressively complementary about us. It was targeting the idiot in question, and giving us a laundry list of all the godawful, terrible things this idiot had done and why we shouldn't associate with her, etc. Etc.

Obviously it was meant to prompt us into defending the idiot in question, you know, disputing all the allegations and publicly reinforcing our friendship and care for this particular idiot.

Except for the bit where half the anon messages were not, in fact, anon, and came straight from the idiot's own blog.

This is in fact the reason why I refuse to call this person anything else but, the idiot, but without Significant Capitalization, because they've shown both such callousness and such stupidity, they don't even deserve that. They're just a run of the mill idiot, cruel and crude and common. Completely unremarkable when you get down to it.

My point is that, after a while, you realize that just like random strangers in the bus won't set you up flawlessly for a scathing witty comeback that will end up in a public standing ovation, pretty much all anon hate isn't set up in such a way you can take off it and have a witty, incisive conversation off it. Because anon hate is stupid by definition. It's mean-spirited and cruel and purposefully not acknowledging your humanity. Because it's not meant to acknowledge your humanity. You cannot win a screaming match against someone leaving anon hate in your inbox, because there really isn't another person behind it, in so much as they're not available for you to converse or connect with. That's why the general advice is to "turn it off" or "stop reading it". Because there's nothing to gain by engaging with it, and you're just subjecting yourself to abuse, and potentially subjecting your followers to abuse, if you post that sort of thing publicly.

Unfortunately, there's some very unscrupulous people that, much like the idiot I just told you about, have figured out they can use the boogie man of anon harassment to manipulate people around them. It's not hard to notice, either, but if you've ever been the recipient of hateful words, you'll probably have the impulse to dismiss the realization. No one, surely, can be that callous, that crass, that hateful.

They are, sadly. And the best thing you can do is turn around and put as much distance between you as possible, when you realize it. This particular brand of idiot is a specialist in splash damage.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Peter Thiel's evil, but he's not an "evil genius"

Peter Thiel: “I’d rather be seen as evil than incompetent.” It’s the far-right billionaire’s most telling phrase. Thiel wants us to think he’s an evil genius, because he wants us to think he’s a genius. So much of Thiel’s activity is devoted to self-mythologizing, like when he made us all think he was infusing the blood of teenagers in a bid to become immortal:

https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2016/08/peter-thiel-wants-to-inject-himself-with-young-peoples-blood

But as Ben Burgis writes for Jacobin, Thiel isn’t an evil genius, “he’s just a rich guy”:

https://jacobin.com/2022/07/peter-thiel-superrich-wealth-inequality-political-influence/

Burgis cites Max Chafkin’s 2021 Thiel biography, The Contrarian, which shines a glaring light on the distance between Thiel’s stated commitment to high-minded ideals of “liberty” and his self-serving defense of mass surveillance and human rights abuses:

https://bookshop.org/books/the-contrarian-peter-thiel-and-silicon-valley-s-pursuit-of-power/9781984878533

If you think Thiel is an evil genius, then maybe these contradictions are the result of your puny brain lacking the subtlety to understand how, on a higher plane of reasoning, they can be resolved. If you understand that Theil is an ordinary mediocrity, no better than you or me, sickened by pathological greed, then there’s a much simpler explanation: it’s all bullshit, and the only thing Thiel really cares about is becoming richer and more powerful.

That explanation goes a long way to explain why a “libertarian” would defend Apartheid, express regret that women are allowed to vote, state that “freedom and democracy” are incompatible, and secretly fund a lawsuit to destroy a media organization that embarrassed him:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/mattdrange/2019/12/23/best-stories-of-the-decade-behind-peter-thiels-plan-to-destroy-gawker/

Thiel’s self-mythologizing provides a cover for all of this, while making him far richer: for example, his campaign to make us think that Palantir played a role in killing Osama bin Laden was an obvious gambit to increase the share-price of Palantir.

Burgis cites Nathan Robinson’s Current Affairs article, “Two Ways Of Responding To Conservatives,” which used the example of Jordan Peterson as a template for critiquing self-mythologizing far-right figures without helping them by calling them evil geniuses:

https://www.currentaffairs.org/2018/05/two-ways-of-responding-to-conservatives

Robinson proposes a test: “Does it reinforce the person’s self-conception or undermine it?” Burgis applies this test to Thiel, urging us not to dwell on the drinking blood, taking votes away from women, or funding “neoreactionaries” like Curtis Yarvin.

Rather, Burgis says, we should focus on how Thiel spends his political money, backing “populists” like JD Vance, who say they’re fighting for working people, but who oppose universal healthcare, universal childcare, and against raising the minimum wage.

Burgis: “Thiel is dangerous — not because he’s an evil mastermind, but because he’s a billionaire who enjoys playing with our politics and he couldn’t care less about the people who get hurt in the process.”

Burgis’s critique ties nicely into Lee Vinsel’s idea of “criti-hype” — criticism that starts by accepting it’s subject’s own self-mythologizing, then damns them for it. Think of critics who accept Google’s claims that its “AI”-driven ads can sell anything to anyone, then criticize it for having built a mind-control ray:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/02/euthanize-rentiers/#dont-believe-the-hype

Like Thiel, Google would rather be seen as evil than as incompetent. When Google’s critics run around accusing the company of having perfected machine learning mind-control, they help Google sell ads, because the advertisers Google is pitching aren’t upset that Google has a mind-control ray, provided Google will rent it out to them.

A smart synthesis of criti-hype comes from Maria Farrell, whose “Prodigal Techbro” is a great way to understand the problems with allowing ourselves to be lured into “evil genius” talk:

https://conversationalist.org/2020/03/05/the-prodigal-techbro/

Farrell’s prodigal techbro is an ex-Big-Tech geek turned anti-Big-Tech crusader, whose anti-Big-Tech position starts with the proposition that they and their former colleagues were all evil geniuses who hijacked our brains’ reward-centers with junk-science psych ideas like “Big Five Personality Types” and “Sentiment Analysis” (conveniently omitting the fact that these have been seriously undermined by the replication crisis):

https://replicationindex.com/category/big-five/

Focusing on what Big Tech says it does isn’t just a problem because it perpetuates the companies’ self-mythologizing, but also because it distracts from what we know Big Tech actually does. If we repeat the lie that Big Tech’s ad billions are the result of its mind-control ray, then we omit the fact that Facebook and Google entered into an illegal conspiracy to rig the ad market:

https://techcrunch.com/2022/03/11/google-meta-jedi-blue-eu-uk-antitrust-probes/

“Just a rich guy” is the perfect epithet for Theil, who, after all, is not an ideologue or an 11-dimensional chess master. He’s just another thin-skinned, greedy bastard who uses his money and power to accumulate more money and power. The rest is just window-dressing.

Image: Dan Taylor for www.heisenbergmedia.com (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/heisenbergmedia/13887527438/

CC BY 2.0: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Austin Powers, New Line Cinema (modified) https://www.warnerbros.com/company/divisions/motion-pictures

Fair use https://www.eff.org/issues/intellectual-property

[Image ID: A still of Michael Meyers as 'Dr Evil' from the Austin Powers movies. He is holding one pinky finger to his lips. His face has been replaced by Peter Thiel's.]