#this may age badly but idc

[apollos-boyfriend]

psychological torture smp strikes again by having an unfathomable shapeshifting monster disguise itself as a man’s dead daughter on his BIRTHDAY

[cabin12kid]

Okay but I'm an absolute ass for court intrigue AUs and I have some Ideas for a PJO one.

General set up is instead of the camps there's literally just like a section of Olympus or something and the demigods live in their own little court ya know. Also I'm fucking around with the ages because who's gonna stop me.

Percy has lived with his mortal mother all this time but is now being introduced to the Godly Court for. Reasons. I'll make something up idc.

Immediately hates it because all of this is fucking stupid. Runs into Annabeth at some party/ball or whatever the first day and says as much and Annabeth absolutely agrees and they hit it off instantly.

Grover was still the one to bring him there but in this court he is more a servant and Percy sees him and is like !!! hey dude what's up. Serving duty?? That's dumb as shit let's hang out. And he's the son of Poseidon, who the fuck is gonna say No You Can't Appoint A Satyr To Your Personal Retinue And Let Him Do Basically Whatever.

There's still a separation of the Roman and Greek courts

Jason has been at this court since he was 2 and has very little experience with the mortal world. He's aware of Thalia but they aren't allowed to see each other. Jason has a lot of weight on his shoulders as Son of Jupiter naturally and is the picture perfect Prince of the court.

I know that's not how this works idc

Still working out the equivalent to Thalia's time as a tree tbh so we'll get there BUT in this AU she knows Jason isn't dead and has been trying to find a way to bridge the gap it just hasn't worked out. Princess of the court she may be but she doesn't give nearly as much of a shit about that as Jason does because it's stupid.

The plot really picks up as for plot reasons and exchange is set up. No one loses their memories or gets false memories tho. But Jason does get to go to the Greek court, Percy to the Roman court.

As in HoO this is where Piper, Leo, Hazel and Frank are introduced.

Still figuring out how Reyna's story adapts to this AU but she does have her time on the island, does get to be a mortal pirate, does eventually enter the court and does play a military leader role and does still work closely with Jason.

Piper and Leo still meet Jason first, though it's during the first social function in the Greek Court. Jason immediately notices they seem to be New and are likely the only people who won't be Weird about him or are relatively unlikely to have some sort of agenda when socializing with him. For basically the first time he's able to just be himself while also introducing them to the general ins and outs of being part of the court. Some of which doesn't actually line up as he's only been in the Roman court lol

Also for reasons Thalia is away initially but does quickly return I'll get to that

Hazel and Frank likewise still meet Percy first in the Roman court. In Percy's case he's mostly just sick of the politicking going on and also "oh hey new people to court I remember how badly that sucked I'll go talk to them"

The seven converge and form a clique basically as perceived on the outside.

Nico, Bianca, and Hazel I'm still working on like how to balance the time stuff.

Also absolutely will have other characters I'm just blanking on what exactly I did with everyone rip

[hollandfiltenborg]

Langerhans cellular sarcoma including skin and demonstrating epidermotropism: a thorough assessment

Assessed components incorporated age group, Asian Supportive Oncology Team (ECOG) score, scientific Capital t holding, Gleason scores, basic prostate certain antigen (PSA), alkaline phosphatase (ALP), hemoglobin (HGB), PSA normalization, as well as the presence of IDC-P. Benefits. Totally, IDC-P is discovered in 57/278 (Twenty.5%) cases. Univariate investigation established that, compared with instances with out IDC-P, circumstances check details using IDC-P had been undoubtedly associated with considerably shorter CRPC-free emergency (CFS) moment (Fouthy-six.05 +/- One particular.Twenty as opposed to. Twenty two.Ninety eight +/- 1.Eighty several weeks, G = 2.1000) as well as Operating system occasion (55.Thirty-eight +/- A single.16 as opposed to. Thirty-six.43 +/- 2.15 a few months, G Is equal to 2.000). Multivariate examination showed that the existence of IDC-P has been the only self-sufficient prognostic issue linked to poor CFS (HR Is equal to Several.886, S Equates to Zero.011) along with Computer itself (Human resources Equals 1.945, G Equates to 2.020). Even more sub-analysis revealed, even amongst people together with larger Gleason report ( bigger = Eight) (n Equates to 158), IDC-P was still being drastically along with inversely associated with CFS and also Operating-system (the actual median CFS period: 40 compared to Twenty two a few months; S Is equal to 3.Thousand; the actual median Operating system occasion: Fifty-four as opposed to. 3 years, G Equates to 2.500). Once again, Cox's regression product validated that just the existence of IDC-P used to be not merely an unbiased prognostic issue predicting reduced use of CRPC (Human resources Is equal to Several.031, R Equates to 0.035), but also for lesser Computer itself (Hour or so Equates to 2.499, G Is equal to 0.006). A conclusion. The use of IDC-P in first recognized metastatic prostate cancer, actually amongst patients with additional ambitious design, has been first of all found to be significantly along with separately related to previous event associated with CRPC and poorer Operating system. We all recommended a good IDC-P should be a routine record in pathological document of medical diagnosis and other probable healing regimen may be included with intercede inside the integrated treatment as fast as possible. (C) 2014Wiley Periodicals, Incorporated.The large variety of substance candidates using poor dissolution features noticed in earlier times several years, provides fostered desire for so-called "enabling formulations", my partner and i.e., supplements which usually shall create this sort of drugs bio-available. Growth and development of allowing products happens to be being carefully guided with the subsequent (simplified) speculation: In case a badly soluble substance (BCS course 2 medicine) can be moved in a solubilized express, it's possible to obtain a great absorption account all-around what soluble drug (BCS class My partner and i medicine). Hence, ingredients growth normally interests to get the most robust solubility improvement. Here many of us severely assessment equally widespread throughout vitro techniques as well as fresh data accessible in books associated with the particular solubility and permeability associated with poorly disolveable medications from enabling formulations, and also go over their own interplay.

[dandelioncrownns]

random grishaverse facts/trivia (mostly tgt/kos, tbh), because i love useless details. Also, attempted organisation, because i like order too. + ft. my unwanted commentary

the darkling

has a sweet tooth

loves animals and nature in general

for those of you who have read demon in the woods, he got to meet the white tigers :)

his bedchamber walls are carved into trees bc he loves the woods

his favourite trees in particular are pine trees (or just evergreen trees in general)

he used to be afraid of the dark (many possibly worrying? interesting? implications to this; i won’t get into it here tho)

he likes bright colours, but wears black all the time basically for the aesthetic

he met his younger half-sister, Ulla, when he was a seer’s apprentice in Fjerda 

the darkling is a musician! He plays the fiddle, and growing up, he played the balalaika and oud (i wonder if he can read tablature,,) 

His father was a very powerful heartrender (maybe this is why the corporalki are valued so highly by him?)

genya

she got an amplifier between the end of R+R and the start of KoS (kestrel bones)

Genya used Dekora Nevich, the Ornamental Blade, to poison the King

It smells like cinnamon and is a warm golden colour

the royal family / nikolai’s bio family 

the King once cut himself on his own sword

genya named the queen’s dog 

until she was like 11, Genya was like the daughter the queen never had (omg i really wonder how Nikolai and Vasily felt about that? ik it’s not really mentioned, and Nik kinda acts like he just met Genya is S+S, but they must have been a lot closer, right?? I mean genya was almost always at the grand palace with Queen Tatiana, and nikolai just really wanted his parents’ attention, there must have been some kind of maybe one-sided jealousy/sibling rivalry thing, right?? I digress- for now)

also the queen in a dog person

p. sure Nikolai is a mommy’s boy

(possible explanation:) he looks exactly like his real father (except for his eyes). Nikolai even has the same laugh as Magnus

the queen was also fed up with Vasily and his horses

Vasily rides a white gelding horse and Nikolai rides a speckled grey horse (called Punchline)

speaking of, vasily is definitely a horse girl, but like... just the worst (darkling 🤝vasily)

Queen Tatiana’s letters to Magnus Opjer were “very racy” 

 She doesn’t approve of women in trousers

Linnea is ~1 year younger than Nikolai

she is good at math + studies engineering at ketterdam (I wonder if maybe she and Nikolai crossed paths when he was at uni- they’re around the same age, so maybe?)

The King and Queen hired a clown for nikolai’s 10th birthday (the worst birthday party he’d been to, inclusive of the night Vasily died, according to Nikolai)

Nikolai is afraid of spiders (and also clowns???)

nikolai:

he can juggle

Nikolai sucks at learning languages 

he once spoke Fjerdan so badly a man named Knut offered him a ruby to stop

his Kerch seems pretty good tho

Nikolai met The Darkling when he was 14

Nikolai is a baritone (as is Jesper!)

In his free time, Nikolai writes bad poetry (remember that time he got stabbed w/ a letter opener bc his poetry sucked?)

he went through an emo phase/ existential crisis before becoming sturmhond.

during said emo phase, he wrote rhyming poetry pretty much exclusively

He also took philosophy classes at uni (PPE?)

alina:

alina tried on the same rose dress that the Queen watched vasily die in

Nikolai gifted Alina a VERY low-cut cobalt lace gown (In the words of Nadia, “The bodice might as well be cut to the navel.” )

Alina hates herring, but Zoya and Nikolai love it

She is VERY sarcastic and snarky!! I feel like this gets glossed over so much in the fandom, and just why?? (she’s so gloomy and over everything 90% of the time, i love it so much)

So this isn’t technically a fact-fact, but there is no way Alina wasn’t at least a little bit into women. Did you read how she talked abt genya? Zoya? there’s no way she wasn’t into them

Alina doesn’t really like hard cheese

zoya + zoyalai:

Zoya’s horse is called Serebrine

Zoya can use her lightning as a defibrillator (I’m sure other squallers can do this too with the right training)

Zoya likes Nikolai’s hands (and Nikolai likes Zoya’s feet lmao)

she has ‘weird (long?) incisors’  

she definitely had a crush on Nikolai since Ruin and Rising

kaz:

Kaz grew up on a farm in Southern Kerch, in Lij

Kaz is a both a cat and a dog person  (he just likes strays)

Matthias is a dog person, obviously

All the other crows are cat people 

He likes hot chocolate

both he and nikolai like brandy

hates cereal

Kaz is obsessed with magic + likes puzzles

actually very funny if he wasn’t terrifying (honestly?? at leat 70% of his dialogue is just witty quips/jokes)

Kaz’s right leg is the one he broke, and the dregs usually get their tattoo on their right forearm

the other crows:

Jesper has been known to go line-dancing (and would like country music) 

Mal and Jesper were friends in S+S!! (Probably) Jesper has a not-really-secret crush on sturmhond. 

He also had a VERY not secret crush on Kaz before wylan, ofc

Matthias’ middle name is Benedik

Nina would win in an arm wrestling contest against Jesper

Inej has a thing for Kaz’s eyes

Nina was at the orphanage with the other grisha kids in R+R

In the opening scene of CK, Jesper was wearing a navy waistcoat with little gold stars (his fashion is just top tier honestly)

grisha- powers, etc.:

A solar eclipse would have no effect on the Darkling’s powers, but it would make it harder for Alina to summon.

Fabrikators can make flowers bloom

The twins have shark teeth amplifiers

Adrik and Leoni are saints

general world stuff:

Gay marriage is legal in Kerch!

there was a landbridge connecting Shu Han and Kerch but the council of tides covered it

Antimony is used as mascara

kruge is pale purple paper currency

ravkan currency has Nikolai’s face on it (ig not anymore tho?)

Hringkälla is celebrated on March 20th

the distance between Ivets and Os Alta is only about 100 miles? (i’m just going to willfully ignore this, because thats,, so small?)

Mermaids and dragons exist(ed) in the grishaverse

misc:

the daughter of the duke of ivets has a daughter who can play the harp

there is not fourth tale of krigi

The baroness Natasha Beritrova is fifty (as of KoS) and has lands near caryeva

Elke Marie Smit is from one of the most powerful Kerch families and is just 16 in KoS

Oncat is an orange tabby

Anya liked Joost a lot :( (I got way too attached to them at the start of SoC and was so sad + confused when they died lol)

david eats hard boiled eggs for his working days in the shops

‘Malyen’ is the Ravkan version of ‘Malcolm’ (very fitting)

Nikolai brought the kids at Keramzin toy boats + frequently sends Alina and Mal gifts 

The triumvirate would also visit them every feast of Sankt Nikolai too :)

star signs / birthdays (ik the gv constellations aren’t the same as ours, but idc):

Inej: Cancer (june 21st - july 22nd)

Kaz: Capricorn (december 22nd - january 19th)

Nina: Leo (july 23rd - august 22nd)

Jesper: Gemini (may 21st - june 20th)

Matthias: Taurus (april 20th - may 20th)

Wylan: virgo (august 23rd - september 22nd)

Kuwei: aries (march 21st - april 19th)

Darkling: aries

Nikolai is most likely either a gemini or cancer (but he could also be a Leo or Taurus). Whatever it is, he is a summer baby.

Alina and Mal have the same birthday (they were given the Duke’s birthday when they came to the orphanage)

heights:

Jesper is 6’2” - 6’3”

Kaz is 6′

Matthias is 6’4

Nina is 5’9”-5’10”

Inej is 5’3” - 5’4”

Alina is ’short’ (5’3”?)

Mal and the Darkling are ‘tall’ (tbf, like all the characters are tall >:( I want my short people rights)

Nikolai  (well, stumhond, but i think they’re the same height) is described by Jesper as tall (so 6’2”+?? why is everyone so tall??? I-)

Zoya is several inches shorter than nina (zoyalai height difference lets go)

Kuwei is slightly shorter than Wylan (who is about 5’8”?)

there’s definitely more, so if you made it this far and have any more, pls add to the list!

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Head Case (S2, E6)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:03 - This clip of Malcolm in the car is from the pilot episode. I was so betrayed by this clip. Full disclosure - I’ve always had a thing for Malcolm’s jacket from the pilot episode. I just love it and I think Tom Payne looks cute in it. BUT - I was betrayed because Malcolm isn’t wearing my favourite jacket in the next scene (I was disappointed but not surprised). Rant about wardrobe over. 

0:20 - This is weird to me. In the clip right before this, when Malcolm was coming to Claremont (wearing the awesome jacket) - Malcolm is clearly in emotional distress. He’s not in a good mood. BUT right here, when Malcolm is chatting with Mr. David he seems like he’s in a good mood. Not one of his manic good moods - just a regular good one.

0:32 - Anyone else notice how visibly uncomfortable Jessica AND Malcolm are? This whole Ainsley situation is literally going to destroy them both. :(

0:34 - sooooo Mr. David knows by now right? He has to? ALSO when the European FBI guy shows up in a few episodes this is going to be bad for Malcolm and Jessica right? The FBI guy will probs talk to Mr. David who will be like - oh yeah, they’ve had more ‘family meetings’ in the past 6 months than in the past 20 years. 

1:22 - Sooooo this whole family honestly thinks Ainsley’s going to become a serial killer. From the tidbits of her childhood that we’ve seen, the way she treated Malcolm in Q&A, and generally how she acts when she wants to get a story - I’m not surprised. Read my thoughts on older episodes (1x7, 1x20, 2x5), I’ve always thought Ainsley was a sociopath or psychopath. The girl doesn’t show a lot of moral backbone or sympathy for anyone. 

1:33 - Wait. Does this montage of Malcolm’s erratic behaviour mean that Malcolm killed someone as a kid? And doesn’t know it? Or is this just a reference to the whole ‘girl in the box’ trauma arc from last season?

1:44 - “I wish I didn’t know that you were a killer.” Anyone else get major flashbacks to the movie Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause? “I wish I had never become Santa at all” then we get an AU for 40 mins? Just me? Cool - excuse my bad taste in Christmas movies. 

1:50 - hahaha Martin is so bitter.

2:25 - You know, as much as I love to hate Martin - he has a point. Malcolm loved his Dad (still does whether he wants to admit it or not) in 98′ - why is Malcolm chill with Ainsley killing but not Martin? Is it because with Martin, he found a poor girl tortured in a box but with Ainsley he saw her kill a man that was threatening their family? Or was it because Martin tried to kill Malcolm but Ainsley hasn’t (yet?) **honestly - that would be such an interesting episode - if Ainsley tries to kill Malcolm**

2:33 - THANK YOU. Someone finally thanks Malcolm for trying to protect Ainsley (and in extension Jessica) from the emotional trauma he’s been dealing with since the age of 10. EVEN THOUGH PROTECTING THEM IS MAKING HIS MENTAL STATE WORSE. Seriously - Malcolm is going to snap soon I honestly won’t be surprised if we get some suicidal ideation from him this season (especially if things don’t improve). Look at those big sad puppy dog eyes when Jess thanks him.

2:38 - hahahaha that side-eyed glare directed at Martin. 

2:53 - I know Jessica had good intentions here - she’s trying to protect both of her children but honestly, this whole interaction was probably super upsetting for Malcolm. Think about it - BOTH of his parents haven’t tried to have a serious discussion with him at the same time since he was at 10 years old or younger. This interaction is probably bringing up some memories for Malcolm and making him grieve for the childhood he lost all over again. 

3:06 - “You’re gross.” followed by a very regal wave at Mr. David. YES. Queen Jessica. <3

3:25 - Malcolm startling JT is pretty freaking cute. Look at how JT’s expression immediately changes from startled to concerned. I don’t blame him. Malcolm gives off major manic energy in this scene. The visit with the parents did not leave him in a good place. Also - Malcolm straight up admitted that he’s had a ‘rough morning’ this boy almost never tells the truth when he’s struggling. He’s fine. He’s always fine. 

3:30 - “Rough month.” IS THIS IT? IS THIS ALL I’M GOING TO GET? JT had a baby THREE EPISODES AGO. ‘rough month’ is a reference to the fact that he’s a new dad and he’s struggling with lack of sleep, leaving Tally alone with the baby while he’s a work, being a good husband, adjusting to dad life, ect. RIGHT?!? We’ve literally had no mention of the baby since 2x3 and I’m losing my mind. I just want someone to say, “Hey JT, how’s the baby?” that’s it. I want 5 seconds of dialogue. Just an acknowledgment that the child exists. 

3:54 - “Sooo bring me up to speed.” OMG. That smile is both extremely manic and completely adorable. Seriously - why is no one on the team more concerned about Malcolm during this episode? AND WHERE THE EFF IS EDRISA IN THIS SCENE?!? We’ve been robbed. 

4:21 - “What? I liked math class.” OMG. JT is a closet math nerd. You can’t take this headcanon away from me. 

4:24 - hahahaha look at Malcolm absorbing the new information about JT. He’s like.....yes. I will keep that information for later. Very good. Will pry further. 

5:04 - I love Dani. She’s perfect. She can see that Malcolm just checked out into his own horror of a memory. So she gently teases him to bring him back to reality. <3 This is true friendship. <3

6:00 - Was I the only one who thought it was weird that Gil asked Malcolm to help with the canvasing? Like - doesn’t Malcolm always help? Isn’t that part of what he does to build his profile?

6:12 - “KGB agent” Yes. Malcolm is still annoyed that Ainsley was so competitive about a literal murder last episode. I promise you. Ainsley’s probably still annoyed too. 

6:26 - This is why Malcolm is considering telling Ainsley the truth. He’s already losing her. May as well rip off the band-aid. She might not react as badly finding out from him as she would finding out by herself.

6:51 - “That is my vagina.” hahahahaha OMG. As a woman I must say: HOW?!?! As someone who adores JT:  hahahahahahahaha OMG. 

7:23 - “You’re getting a lot of mileage out of that tidbit”. lol. JT gently teasing Malcolm is one of my favourite things. Hands down. Especially since they’ve reached a point in their friendship where Malcolm doesn’t seem scared or offended when JT makes fun of him. They’re acting like brothers and I LOVE IT. <3

7:25 - “That’s the tip of the iceberg my man.” I have no idea why I am so amused by someone calling Malcolm “my man” but I am. 

7:36 - “The Bowery Ripper” hahaha the look that JT and Dani exchange when Malcolm starts nerding out.

8:00 - Wendell is kind of creepy. But like a weird, non-threatening creepy?

8:22 - OMG. JT let the vagina sculpture go. hahaha Look at how grossed out Dani is hahahaha she’s like, “Ugh. Men are gross.”

8:30 - This is why I love JT. He knows that that elevator is sketchy as hell. Plus it’s some (less than subtle) foreshadowing for what’s to come in this episode. 

8:41 - How did Dani find out he was at Claremont?! Does Mr. David call Gil every time Malcolm visits?!? ......this is my new headcanon. You will have to pry it from my cold dead hands. 

9:00 - This is a really cute moment between Dani and Malcolm. Regardless of whether or not you ship Brightwell - it’s really sweet to see Malcolm interacting so honestly with someone. He’s telling Dani the truth about something and she’s not making him feel bad about how messed up his family is or how weird his situation is. She just listens and teases him to make him smile. That is a good friend. IDC how you feel about Brightwell - right now - this is a GOOD FRIEND moment and Malcolm deserves more of them. 

9:10 - Annnnnnndddd this is why Brightwell shouldn’t happen (right now). Dani is still hurt that Malcolm doesn’t trust her enough to tell her everything. She still doesn’t completely trust him after what happened last season. A romantic relationship without 100% trust will fail. End of story. They’re great friends but right now they can’t be in a romantic relationship. It’ll end poorly. (Damn, I hope Brightwell is endgame though).

9:38 - hahaha Greta Swan is a perfect comedic relief for the Dani/Malcolm tension we just witnessed. This girl is a little nuts and a lot funny. 

10:00 - “Dad’s lived here his whole life” - wow. The writers really left us some big bread crumbs. We go from the scene where someone mentions a serial killer who killed someone (who was abducted from this hotel) in 1963. THEN we find a strange, gossipy woman and her grumpy father who has lived there his whole life. Coincidence? Nah. 

10:17 - SERIOUSLY?!? The Whitly home is ENORMOUS. WHY IS JESSICA LETTING AINSLEY WORK IN THE MURDER BASEMENT?!?!?! We literally just found out that Jessica has a SOLARIUM somewhere in this house. 

10:40 - “The guy definitely seems like he kills people.” Oh the irony here. 

10:55 - “Are you upset with me?” This is soft and I love it. Malcolm is being vulnerable with his little sister and it warms my heart. 

11:07 - “Insomnia sucks.” “Who knew?” Again. Irony. 

11:18 - “Anything you want to talk about?” This is precious. Malcolm loves Ainsley SO FREAKING MUCH. He has major Dad/Big brother/concerned school counsellor energy here and I’m here for it. 

11:38 - Malcolm’s soooo going to replay this conversation in his head about a million times. He’s going to blame himself for Ainsley’s murder victim of this episode. He’s going to play the “what-if” game. What if - he told her the truth here? Would she still have killed someone tonight? 

11:52 - Look at Ainsley’s face here. She seems sort of confused and comforted? Like maybe the fractions of memories that she’s admitting to having are making her believe that she killed Endicott and it scares her. Malcolm telling her otherwise is probably comforting on some level. It’s helping her convince herself that she’s done nothing wrong. 

12:25 - According to IMDB - this isn’t the episode LDP directed SO WHY IS THERE SO LITTLE GIL CONTENT IN THIS EPISODE?!?!?!

12:27 - What the hell is the puddle on the floor btw? Is it paint? Tar? Blood? I thought construction hadn’t started on the hotel yet?

14:14 - Malcolm. You. Are. A. Moron. Why go towards the creepy elevator that opened by itself? Why did you think that was a good idea?

14:29 - The Bowery Ripper is pretty strong for an old guy. I mean, Malcolm isn’t that big and he was caught off guard but still.

14:38 - I wanted this scene to be reality SO SO BADLY. I don’t even care about the Brightwell interaction in this scene. Malcolm is on a hospital bed. With an ice pack. I could’ve watched 45 minutes of “Malcolm in the hospital” content. The fact that this boy didn’t spend longer than a 30 second scene in the hospital is a CRIME. Why does Fedak hate giving us the whump aftercare?!? WHY?!?! Doesn’t he know like half the fandom LIVES FOR IT?!?

14:40 - You know how I knew this was the start of Malcolm’s AU dream? 2 reasons: 1) Dani has her hand on the ice pack on Malcolm’s head, even though he totally doesn’t need her help to hold the ice pack to his head. 2) GIL ISN”T HERE. .....although this episode did us dirty with the lack of Gil content (I miss Papa!Gil so much)

14:46 - There’s something about dream JT. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Real and dream JT are almost identical. But dream JT seems to be more open with Malcolm? IDK - he’s more relaxed around Malcolm? I can’t quite describe it. Did anyone else notice that there was just something a little bit different about dream JT? Not even in a bad way. Just different. 

15:15 - “Noooo she said it could’ve been worse. Not the same.” hahaha YES DANI. Good looking out. Call out this boy for neglecting his health. 

15:24 - This whole scene where Dani and Malcolm do a joint interrogation was awesome. They were talking pretty fast which I found a little distracting but JT said it best, “They were on FIRE”.  One thing I REALLY liked about the scene was the dynamic between Dani and Malcolm. Neither one of them was really taking a lead in the interrogation. They were equal partners and I think that says a lot about Malcolm’s romantic desires. He doesn’t want to dominate anyone. He doesn’t want to be taken advantage of. He just wants someone he can trust and respect. Someone who will trust and respect him. He wants a partner. An equal partner. I think that’s a really healthy desire for anyone in search of a relationship. 

16:12 - an affair? Did we know that Lyle and/or Katrina were married?!? If they weren’t married it would just be a relationship. Not an affair. 

17:01 - Is this honestly the first time Dani has called Malcolm by his first name? In 26 episodes? It must be right? Because I swear I was so shocked my heart skipped a beat (also my Brightwell heart melted but that’s a whole different thing). 

17:06 - .....so in Malcolm’s dream does he still work for Major Crimes? Is JT running the department? I need some more details here. 

17:12 - Soft!JT <3 <3 <3 How cute is it that in Malcolm’s AU dream, JT (and Dani) don’t actually change (in terms of personality). Their roles in his life just intensify. Dani becomes his significant other and JT becomes a much closer friend/brother. It’s precious. <3 <3 <3 

17:52 - Something about the fact that Jessica isn’t drinking liquor in the AU is hilarious and depressing to me. It’s funny because, well, it just tickles me. It’s depressing because Malcolm understands that Jessica drinks to dull the pain. In this AU, she isn’t in pain. She’s happy. Therefore, she doesn’t need alcohol. I don’t know about you but the fact that Malcolm’s subconscious wanted his mom to be happy so badly that she became (more or less) sober - is heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time. 

18:11 - “No one in this family is scared of a little blood right?” The irony here is THICK.

19:23 - The fact that Ainsley is a doctor just like Martin in Malcolm’s AU is terrifying and hilarious. This whole “I watched Ainsley kill a man” thing is really destabilizing Malcolm’s questionable mental health.

19:27 - “Please Ainsley is the talented one. I’m a distance second.” ....does this mean that Endicott isn’t the first person Ainsley has killed? Does this mean subconsciously Malcolm somehow thinks that Ainsley is a better serial killer than Martin?

19:56 - “No phones at dinner okay?” Something about the way Martin is looking at Malcolm at this moment and Martin’s tone of voice made me think - “Shit. Martin’s still a serial killer in Malcolm’s AU.” Especially since they Ainsley literally just announced to the room that he’s getting a from Claremont. 

20:06 - Yep. That’s a nightmare. From the back, Claremont!Gil probably looked like Martin circa mid-2010s for Malcolm. 

20:09 - Look idc who you ship on this show. But I will fight you if you don’t think that Malcolm being comforted after a nightmare by someone he loves is the sweetest thing ever. Look at how Dani gently rubs his arm and back. Ugh. This is the kind of safety Malcolm DESERVES. 

20:43 - Dani lying on Malcolm’s chest. <3 It just makes me so happy. Not even necessarily because it’s Dani (although I do ship Brightwell as end game) but because Malcolm’s subconscious is showing us his ideal relationship and we don’t see anything wild or questionable - we just see G-rated cuddling. And damn if that doesn’t say a lot about how much Malcolm just wants to be loved. 

20:53 - .......Can we have a full episode’s worth of footage where Malcolm is unconscious on the floor? I know I’m a basket case but it would make my whump heart so happy.....even happier if that footage was immediately followed by 40 mins of hospital care/comfort footage.

20:59 - I know that time has sort of slowed down for the purpose of plot in this episode but ngl - every time we saw the elevator approaching passed out Malcolm all I could think was “this is the slowest elevator in the world.”

21:26 - Malcolm is so so relaxed and comfortable in this scene. I want him to be this happy forever. 

22:07 - “You deserve all of it.” Malcolm subconsciously just wants permission to be happy. He doesn’t think he deserves to be happy (especially after Endicott). That little revelation broke my heart. Also the Brightwell kiss was adorable. Dani takes control because, Malcolm wants to feel wanted and this is how his subconscious is manifesting that desire. I will argue that Malcolm doesn’t necessarily want a relationship where his partner takes charge or dominates him. He made coffee of both of them. They’re living in his apartment. They’re having calm, mature, adult conversations. They are both equal partners in his dream relationship. 

22:45 - Dani isn’t scared of Malcolm when his hand starts shaking. She isn’t judging him. She’s just concerned. <3

22:47 - “Existential ennui”? Soooo much french in this episode. Damn. “Jamais vu”, “Quelle suprise”. Now “ennui”. 

23:35 - “I don’t fit your profile.” ....am I expected to believe that Malcolm didn’t realize this was a dream until this moment? Dani calling him “Malcolm Whitly” in the last scene wasn’t a red flag? Or the fact that Ainsley is a doctor. Or that Martin isn’t in Claremont? Or that Jessica isn’t drinking booze by the bucket? I mean, I know he has a head injury but these are big red flags. 

24:15 - Sooooo is Wendell dead irl? Because this is technically a dream. 

25:02 - “I thought we were looking for an inexperienced psychopath. A first time killer.”......this is him projecting about Ainsley right? Am I overthinking this? And now he says, “I was wrong”. Is that supposed to suggest that Malcolm thinks Ainsley has killed someone before Endicott?

25:07 - “The blows are confident. They were having fun.”.....couldn’t the same be said about how Ainsley stabbed Endicott? They were definitely confident stabs (plus a confident throat slitting). 

25:14 - “We’re looking for a serial killer.” Istg the writers are hinting that Ainsley is a serial killer (or will become one soon).

25:27 - Mr. David appears in the AU but Edrisa doesn’t. We were ROBBED.

26:07 - I’m not the only one who thinks that beard makes Gil look like a werewolf right?

26:33 - Claremont!Gil is creepy. LDP’s performance here is really really good. Also - I hate it. Because serial killer Gil is just not my Gil and it upsets me to see Gil chained to a wall. 

26:56 - Sooooo in the AU “The Surgeon” is still at large right? ....you’d think Malcolm would be trying to solve that case with Dani and JT. You know, an active prolific serial killer in New York?

27:34 - The way that Martin, Gil, and Malcolm interact in this scene is really interesting to me. In a lot of ways, this isn’t an AU. Think about it. 

In the dream: Gil is frantically trying to convince Malcolm that Martin is a serial killer. In a way, Gil is trying to protect Malcolm from Martin.

In reality: Gil just shoots Malcolm disapproving looks when he mentions seeing Martin. Gil desperately tries to protect Malcolm from Martin.

In the dream: Martin is trying to convince Malcolm that Gil is a monster. He’s trying to convince Malcolm that he’s a Good father. That he would never hurt Malcolm. That he loves Malcolm. 

In reality - Martin is the same. 

The only main difference between AU!Martin, AU!Gil, and their real counterparts is their temperaments. AU!Martin has Gil’s calm, comforting, and rational temperament while AU!Gil has Martin’s angry, manic, and controlling temperament.

What is the same between the AU characters and their real counterparts? 

Martin is still a manipulative killer.

Gil still shoots Malcolm looks of concern (27:45). 

Gil and Martin still hate each other. 

28:30 - Even dream Martin tries to gaslight Malcolm. 

28:56 - “You can always count on Dad.” ....is this how Malcolm really feels about Martin subconsciously? It kind of makes sense? Who did Malcolm turn to when Ainsley did the unthinkable? Not Gil or Jessica. Malcolm said it in 1x12 - (I’m paraphrasing) “The child in me thought he cared. Loved me even.” I think there’s still a part of Malcolm that believes that. Or at least a part of Malcolm that desperately wants to believe that. 

29:17 - “I’ve never been to a crime scene before.” That’s because you create the crime scene, Martin. In all versions of reality. 

29:20 - annnnnnd AU Martin shares regular Martin’s weird fascination with Dani. 

31:00 - JT being buddy-buddy with Martin is hands down the most horrifying part of the AU. 

31:10 - “I think he’s having a psychotic break.” ......I want this to be foreshadowing so so so badly. I think it would be so interesting to see how the team, Jessica, Ainsley, and even Martin deal with Malcolm just having a total breakdown. Maybe not a full psychotic break. Maybe a nervous breakdown? Or he succumbs to his suicidal ideation? Probably a little too dark for network TV though.

31:34 - “I’m very protective of her and her boots.” Does Malcolm see himself as the Bowery Ripper, trying to protect Ainsley as opposed to his daughter? Or is the Bowery Ripper supposed to be a metaphor for Martin protecting Ainsley? Is Malcolm going to take the fall for Ainsley and all her murders?!? 

32:45 - “Why did you kill again? After all these years.” istg this is hinting that Ainsley killed someone as a kid and Martin knows about it.

33:00 - “I can’t let my daughter know what I was.” .....is the Bowery Ripper supposed to be Ainsley? Is Ainsley killing people to try and protect Malcolm? Ugh. I’m totally overthinking this.

33:02 - Even in his dream, Malcolm can’t bring himself to kill his father. Wether that is by cutting off contact with Martin irl or letting the Bowery Ripper kill him in the AU.

33:07 - Actually though - why doesn’t Malcolm carry a gun IRL? We know he’s trained to use one. We saw him use one in the pilot on a case for the FBI. Is there some sort of NYPD rule about consultants carrying weapons? Is it a rule that Gil has imposed on Malcolm? Is it a rule that Malcolm has imposed on himself? A mixture? I want to know. 

33:38 - OMG. Is Malcolm going to try and kill Ainsley?!?! What a twist that would be. AU Malcolm just killed a killer. He doesn’t seem to feel bad about it and he agrees with Martin that “everything is okay now”. 

33:55 - This hug deeply moved me. Malcolm is fully aware that this hug isn’t real but he looks so content to be hugged by his father. Malcolm is finally getting a proper hug. <3 It honestly makes me wonder what Malcolm would do IRL for his father’s approval though. He’s clearly sooo desperate for Martin to love him. Who knows what Martin will be able to convince Malcolm to do in this season? Malcolm’s not all that mentally stable right now and he’s really vulnerable emotionally. I’m worried.

34:26 - “Not that it’s a competition.” ....yep. Ainsley wants to be better than Malcolm even in Malcolm’s own subconscious. 

35:00 - Heart. Breaking. Watching Ainsley, Martin, and Jessica tell Malcolm how good they think Dani is for him breaks my heart. Look at how happy Malcolm looks. Look at how desperately Malcolm wants this to be real. Ugh. My heart is shattered. 

35:20 - “You’re the best, big brother.” Even Malcolm’s subconsious knows that he’s an excellent big brother. Seriously, I love my younger brother but I don’t think I could ever cover up a murder for him. Never mind dispose of the body. Maybe I would? IDK the situation has never come up (thankfully).

35:25 - .....aaannnnnndd we’re back to the Girl in the Box.

35:58 - “Why would you ever want to leave?” “Because it’s all a lie.” Isn’t Malcolm living a lie IRL too? He’s pretending that Ainsley is a law-abiding citizen. He’s pretending that he isn’t an accomplice in a murder. He’s living in constant fear because of his secrets. They’re going to destroy him. This is why I think a suicide attempt is a possibility for this season. This trauma is a lot bigger (in some ways) than last season’s. Plus - Malcolm has a lot of pre-existing trauma. This could be the metaphoric straw that breaks the camel’s back.  

36:45 - “Even in my wildest dream. I’m still a detective. I need to seek the truth. No matter how painful.” That’s it. That’s Malcolm’s character in a nutshell. “Traumatized boy who intentionally puts himself through more trauma for the sake of seeking the truth.”

37:01 - “You’re right. I need to work on that.”.......if Malcolm tells Gil and/or the team about Ainsley next episode I will lose my mind. 

 37:15 - TOM PAYNE. YOU ABSOLUTE TREASURE. THIS IS SUCH A GREAT PERFORMANCE. THOSE UNSHED TEARS. THAT DESPERATE ANGER. THAT HOPELESSNESS AND DESPAIR.  <3 <3 <3 <3 

38:21 - Look, I’m a mechanical engineering student (not an expert) but if that was a wooden stick like I think it is - that would’ve NEVER stopped an elevator (at least, not long enough for Malcolm to escape). But I’ll overlook it for whump. Because Malcolm has a head wound and I’m loving it. 

38:33 - I’ve rewatched this clip of Malcolm with a bloody face meeting JT and Dani about 50 times (wish I was exaggerating that number). There is something so gorgeous about this scene. I mean - the fact that Malcolm is clearly in physical and emotional pain is enough to make my whump heart sing but it’s more than that. Listen to the genuine concern in JT’s voice when he says, “You okay?”. Look at Dani’s concerned face. Listen to how soft and desperate Malcolm’s voice is when he says, “When was the last time I talked to you?” Look at how concerned and confused JT and Dani are when Malcolm says, “I know who the killer is.” They’re not scared of Malcolm. They’re scared for Malcolm. Malcolm just showed up covered in blood, he can’t walk straight, he’s clearly confused, and now he’s claiming that he’s solved the case. They’re worried about him and they have every right to be. Listen to how broken Malcolm sounds when he says, “Long story.” <3 <3 <3 I’m in love with this scene. 

39:19 - “Are you sure about this?” “I have no idea.” This. Is. Important. JT and Dani have every reason to believe that this old man isn’t a killer but Malcolm’s head injury is making him confused. BUT they choose to trust Malcolm (or at the very least, humour him). They trust him enough to take a risk on him and I think that’s beautiful. I think that’s exactly what Malcolm needed after his nightmare of an AU dream. He needed to know that they care about him IRL. I hope he notices their behaviour despite the head injury. 

39:35 - Malcolm puts the skull down with his ungloved hand. I’m blaming the head injury. 

39:55 - Look this was a really moving scene. The parallel of Malcolm arresting a serial killer in front of the serial killer’s child and Martin being arrested in front of Malcolm is haunting. HOWEVER, when that old man stood up from the wheelchair my stupid brain went “THAT ASSHOLE NEVER EVEN NEEDED THE WHEELCHAIR?!?”.....even though he literally wasn’t in a wheelchair in Malcolm’s dream. 

40:40 - WE WERE ROBBED. I want to see the scene where Malcolm explains his dream to the team. I want to see GIL. WHERE THE EFF IS GIL IN THIS EPISODE?!?! FURTHERMORE - I WANT THE IRL VERSION OF “MALCOLM GOES TO THE HOSPITAL FOR A HEAD INJURY” SCENE. WTF FEDAK. GIVE ME THE AFTERCARE. 

40:47 - “That man will be buried in a turtleneck.” hahahahahaha OMG. Iconic. 

41:27 - “Goodnight Malcolm.” <3 <3 <3 She called him Malcolm IRL. Excuse me while I go and stoke my slow burn Brightwell fire. 

41:36 - “Goodnight.” This is the face of a man who just accepted the fact that he will never be happy. Malcolm honestly doesn’t think he deserves to be in a relationship. Especially with someone as beautiful, kind, and talented as Dani.

41:40 - THAT HAT. Was this really in Season 1?!?! I don’t remember it? But holy hell - I want to see Malcolm wear it. Like now. It’s going to make me laugh. I can feel it. 

41:53 - Immediately you can hear that something is wrong in Ainsley’s voice. She sounds distracted, dissociated, and scared. 

42:14 - Give. Tom. Payne. An. Emmy. Listen to his voice breaking here. He’s so close to tears and it’s genuinely beautiful. Such an astounding performance. 

42:51 - I honestly think Ainsley is shaking her head because she realizes that she made a mistake. She came to Malcolm because she thought he killed Endicott. She thought that he’d be able to understand. That he’d be able to help her because he had committed the same crime she just committed. She was wrong. He can help her - but legally, he really shouldn’t.

43:08 - Look. A new scene for Malcolm’s night terrors. 

43:15 - Yep. This is going to drive Malcolm into a mental breakdown. This is bad. 

43:20 - There’s a part of me that wants Malcolm to tattle on Ainsley. Just so he doesn’t have to keep the secret any longer. The secret is killing him. Telling won’t make the situation any better though. Gil and the team will react horribly and it’ll make Malcolm feel like garbage. Plus I can only imagine how the press would scrutinize the Whitly’s again. It won’t be good any way you slice it. 

I have a love/hate relationship with this episode. On one hand - it’s the cannon AU episode that every fanfiction lover dreams of. It’s also a really compelling episode complete with some excellent acting and great insight into Malcolm’s psyche. HOWEVER: 1) not enough Gil, 2) WHERE IS MY WHUMP AFTERCARE?, and 3) I wanted to see Malcolm at the base of that elevator for longer. The whump wasn’t prolonged enough for my sick soul. 

[skiller0dani]

Lovebirds | Five Hargreeves

M A S T E R L I S T TUA Masterlist

fluff requested requests info

In case you missed this post, I wanted to say I will write for Five. But it’ll be Imagines, blurbs, but N O T smut. Aiden Gallagher is underaged, and I most definitely am an adult and have no interest in writing about him in sexual situations. So request things. I’ll write fluff, angst, long pieces (10,000 words plus even), short pieces, idc! As long as it’s not sexual I will write it for Five. 

For most of my Five writings I am aging him up to 16, unless I say otherwise. 

You didn’t hate him, even if it really seemed like you did. 

You actually preferred Five believed you hate him because in reality you had an enormous, ridiculously intense crush on him. While you may be 16, you didn’t behave like a 16 year old girl. You weren’t reading GQ magazines to look at ‘cute guys’, you weren’t painting your damn nails and preparing for prom. Instead you were sat in the Hargreeves mansion with the resident Seance, watching as he drank himself to unconsciousness. You were an orphan, or so that’s what you told everybody. Truth be told both of your parents were drug addicts and drunks, you haven’t lived with them for nearly a year. Clearly they haven’t noticed as the police have yet to be called. You were on the streets for a while before someone stumbled upon you, literally. Klaus literally tripped over you. He decided to take you in, and so far the Hargreeves siblings had been quite welcoming. Well all except for one. 

You and Five seemed to butt heads since the first day you moved here. He greeted you with nothing more than a curt nod as he brushed past you and up the stairs. Five had been nothing but distant, cold, and borderline cruel from the very second you arrived. You tried not to let it bother you, but it did. Vanya told you that this is just how he is, and despite his cruel behavior and decided hatred of you, you couldn’t stop your heart from racing when he came in the room. You couldn’t stop your palms from sweating when he looked in your direction, even if it was nothing more than a brief glance. When your eyes connected with his it felt like fireworks were erupting in your chest, and you almost always flushed under his gaze. You usually covered it with a scowl before he could notice the blush on your cheeks. 

Five was always so damned indifferent about everything, and he always evaded questions regarding his emotions. He almost pretended he didn’t have feelings, the only thing he outright admitted when it came to his emotions, was that he loves his siblings. In truth, you think a therapist would have a field day with him. You leaned back against the couch opposite of Klaus, with a lazy smile on his face. The sun had set hours ago, “what’s with you and Five? Jesus most days I’m worried you’re going to kill each other one of these days,” Klaus grumbles, shuffling around on the couch causing the alcohol to spill a little. You giggle as he groans, wiping his wet hand on the back of the couch. “We just don’t get along.” You shrug, you honestly have no idea what his problem is. You always tend to get hostile when your heart is involved almost like a defense mechanism. 

“We don’t get along because you’re a reckless know-it-all with a big mouth and absurd opinions.” Five chimes in from the doorway. You grit your teeth at his smug smile. “You know, I always thought being an entitled narcissist was a choice, but when it comes to you I think it’s the default option.” You snap back, with a victorious grin spreading over your face. Five’s smile drops and a look of utter annoyance takes it’s place. His hands are slid into his pockets as he stands over your sat position on the couch, “Y/N you’re projecting your daddy issues on me again.” He says, feigning a look of pity. You slam your hand on the arm of the couch as you stand, and Klaus curls into the couch, bottle in his hands as he watches with his eyebrows raised. “Saying I have daddy issues is assuming I give a shit about him. Which I don’t.” You hiss, feeling anger beginning to boil under your skin. 

“Actually, I think you need to have a dad to have daddy issues with. You’ve been gone for what? 10 months? And no word from either of your parents? Doesn’t sound like they care.” Five says with one of his indifferent shrugs. Feeling emotion rush up on you, you raise your hand and firmly slap Five across the cheek. Tears spill over your cheeks as he stands in shock, “I already know that nobody on this planet loves me. Thanks for the reminder.” You snap through tears before you quickly exit the library. Klaus pinches the bridge of his nose as he looks at Five, “you’re a jerk.” Is all he says before taking another drink from the bottle in his hands. Five turns out of the library, his cheek stinging and his heart becoming swallowed by guilt. 

If he were to be honest with you and himself he would tell you that he doesn’t hate you. Quite the contrary actually, as he’d been harboring a massive crush on you from the moment Klaus carried your sleeping body into the Academy. You looked so beautiful and delicate asleep, you looked like an angel. Klaus had brought you into his bedroom and Five watched as you snuggled into the mattress, he could barely take his eyes off you. It was in that moment that Five decided he needed to put as much distance between you two that he could. Caring about someone is dangerous because of the life he lives. The commission has tried to kill him on multiple occasions and The Handler would absolutely have a field day if she learned of someone Five was in love with. Five never let himself fall in love, so when your eyes fluttered open and landed on him, he turned tail and ran. His heart had seized in his chest the second your eyes connected with his. From then on he decided it was safest to get you to hate him, so you would want to stay away from him, no matter how badly it hurt him to do so.  

Five knew where you would be, so he made his way down to the kitchen, finding you sitting at the table talking to Grace. Her hand was rubbing your back and Five swore he felt his heart splintering into pieces as he listened to you cry softly. Hearing a knock you lifted your head from the table, quickly wiping your tears when you see Five standing in the doorway. “Mom could you give us a second?” Five asks, and Grace smiles and stands from the table, brushing a stray hair out of his face as she passes by him. You sit at the table, your eyes red and swollen as you keep your gaze firmly away from him. The silence stretches on forever, and eventually Five clears his throat, “listen Y/N-” He starts but cuts himself off as your watery eyes look up into his. 

Five takes another step towards you, “I’m sorry.” He says finally and your eyebrows raise in surprise. Five never never apologizes, at least not to you. He apologizes to his siblings all the time. “People love you Y/N, I know Klaus certainly does.” He states matter-of-factly. His hands push into his pockets and it’s now that you see the tint of pink dusted over his cheeks. Is Five blushing? You don’t know what to say, so you stay quiet as Five shifts from foot to foot. “We have terrible coffee here, do you want to go get a cup from Griddy’s?” He asks, startling the hell out of you. Did Five just ask you to go somewhere with him? Just you two? You shrug as you wipe away the last stray tear, “sure.” Five smiles softly and even holds the door open for you as you both step out onto the dark sidewalk. 

There is silence at first, but it’s not awkward, or filled with anger and tension. It’s a comfortable silence. Your arm accidentally brushes against his as you two head to the park to cut through it to Griddy’s. “Five can I ask you something?” You ask, coming to a halt in the park. Five turns and looks at you, waiting for you to continue. You swallow a thick lump in your throat, trying to steel your nerves for this question as you lock eyes with him. “Why don’t you like me? Since the first day I got here you’ve been distant and mean. What did I do wrong?” You ask, and you don’t mean for the tears to begin to well in your eyes but they do. Five shakes his head as he takes a few steps towards you, so that he’s now standing directly in front of you. “I don’t hate you Y/N.” You shake your head, you need more of an explanation than that. Your watery eyes are wide and confused as you stare up at him. 

“I’m so mean because I’ve fallen in love with you Y/N. Me being who I am, there’s a huge target on my back and really dangerous people try to kill me on a daily basis. I can’t care about anybody the way I care about you, it’ll put you in danger. Just being here with me right now is putting you in danger. I was so mean to get you to stay away from me, I was trying to protect you from-” You wrap your arms around him and press your lips against his, effectively shutting him up. Five stumbles back as you practically throw yourself into his arms, but he quickly recovers and wraps his arms around your waist to keep you from falling. Your lips move against his for a few moments before you pull away for air, a smile on your face and a startled look on his face. “You don’t have to protect me, I know what I want and how I feel. I love you Five.” You say, breathless. Five smiles before pressing his forehead against yours and then suddenly you hear clapping from nearby. 

You pull away from him to see Klaus and the rest of Five’s siblings clapping from behind a tree. A dark blush covers Five’s face as he reaches up to flip them off, “did you seriously follow us?” He asks, one of his arms still wrapped around your waist. Allison places a hand over her heart, “you two are so cute!” She coos and you turn to hide your face in Five’s neck from embarrassment. “Well to our defense, we wanted to make sure you didn’t kill each other.” He shrugs and you see Five grit his teeth in frustration. You lean up to whisper in Five’s ear, “if they want to watch, let’s give them something to look at.” A smile stretches across Five’s face before he presses his lips against yours once more. 

[rcl-stan]

‼️TBM/TON SPOILER‼️

what really bothers me about piper getting a gf is that even though she never had feelings for jason, she still cared about him a lot. don't get me wrong, the jokes about her and his death are hilarious, but it's even stated in tbm that she was torn apart for the longest time, and pretty much the entire ending she was just crying. like, sobbing. so even though she wasn't getting over him in a sense of him and their relationship, she was still getting over his death, which, speaking from personal experience, takes so much time and effort, especially at such a young age. idc if "they're demigods so they lose more friends." they may become more numb to emotions quicker than the average human being, but that doesn't completely invalidate their pain. rick is an old, grown man. there is no way he hasn't lost someone he cared about or doesn't know about how badly it can affect someone. i'm so glad that piper being a lesbian is canon (or bi or pan or however you hc her) but unless her and her gf started dating before jason's death, there is no way piper was emotionally available enough to get a gf (which can later end up damaging the relationship greatly). also not to mention everything going on with "losing" leo and her family losing everything they had?? "i just got out of a war, watched my best friend die, and now my family is losing everything. wanna date?" doesn't really sit right with me. either way, piper's gf is probably a trauma rebound. even if she wasn't vocal about it, she still knew. ik it's easy to not realize how bad you're actually doing, but that still doesn't make it alright. sorry for being realistic, but rick would've been way better off with a plain coming out scene (but not like the way he did nico's, please)

[palbabor-writes]

can I just... I’ve seen an embarrassing amount of people trying to cancel Izuku and, if I may, wtf???? Literally what is even going on rn, like, ok, sure, Dabi is hot, and we love a fine man, but he’s not the one we should be siding w rn??? Izuku isn’t an “abuse apologist” he was standing up for his friend and, ig Endeavor too, against Dabi who was literally trying to kill Sho??? I need people to get it together cause this ain’t it.

Hey there!

warnings: BNHA manga spoilers (290 - 294)

Yeah, these last few chapters have certainly been very divisive and borderline triggering for a lot of fans.

While I am by no means qualifying, or meaning to step on anyone’s feelings, past experiences, or traumas, I think it is important to remember that, at the end of the day, this is:

A shōnen manga, so it’s geared toward teen boys - usually, that means it’s going to utilize some kinda violence or pseudo aggressive themes

A narrative work that is, at it’s core, a product for a Japanese audience primarily

And, finally, it’s not finished yet. While this point is kinda a, yeah, duh, lady - I think this is easy to forget. I mean, I know I do, especially when we’re all caught up in snatching up the 5 or 6 pages we get every week

Personally, I think that these last few chapters have been a bit of a mess? It’s all just exposition and shock & awe. We got Dabi, we got Mirio, we now have Compress and the hits just keep on coming.

I think what Horikoshi might be trying to express is the sheer overwhelming nature of it all. I mean, this has all happened over one freaking day. And, for his part, Izuku is exhausted and kinda at the brink of passing out. Plus, we forget that:

He’s what 16? I was kinda stupid at that age & when someone, who has been doing his best to maim and hurt you, your friends & your mentors for months on end: (please see Dabi in - Pussycat Arc, Kamino, Pro Hero Arc) & you’re not gonna be like, huh, he’s got a point!

This is a full scale war. Like, planned and mapped out to be dangerous & the heroes thus far (IMO) have bungled it pretty badly.

And finally, oh yeah, this is a freaking WAR and no child, idc if they wanna be a hero, should be there right now??? Like adults need to adult, y’all

So, to cut a long story short:

I am appalled by the treatment Touya suffered. I think ppl have forgotten what a disgusting scum bag Endeavor was shown to be during the Sports Festival arc. Like, he has hurt all of his kids and they will always, always carry that, no matter how hard he attempts to atone himself.

A lot of ppl have identified with these characters. All of Endeavor’s children, be they villains, heroes, college students, or teachers: have struck a very real chord with many of us. It’s sensitive, personal & raw and for the main character to say: Endeavor isn’t wrong and might even be redeemable - well, that’s gonna hurt some of us.

You can poll each of Endeavor’s kids about his actions & each one will tell you something different. My point with that is: we all handle our issues, conflicts & scars differently. There is no, one size fits all for someone who has been hurt.

I also am worried that other heroes, like Best Jeanest, will attempt to sweep all of this “dirty laundry,” his words, under the proverbial rug. While Izuku does his best to save anyone & everyone he can, he’s being taught by & has looked up to heroes his whole life. It’s gonna be weird if he’s like: I mean, love Shōto & all, but his brother has a point? He’s going to do what he feels is right & in this moment he’s doing his darndest to talk Dabi down.

It’s complicated nonnie & I am by no means the best voice to speak to any of this, but, at the end of the day & at the end of each chapter, we all need to, myself included, take a breath & remember the story isn’t done. The themes might shift, or we might be given more background next week. We gotta let Horikoshi finish his story & trust that he’s moving these plot points for a reason.

He’s not a one man machine either. The editors, which I believe have changed again, play a huge, huge role in the storytelling. This series is out there to make money, too. It’s bigger than the story we were told in chapter 1 & it’s global. There are a lot of cogs that are working here. Fingers crossed, it’ll be just as great of a story at the end, that it was in the beginning!

[caernua]

top 5 ac sequels we didn’t get but we deserved 😤

1. AYA ROME SEQUEL HELLOOOO i still can’t believe they made bayek and aya so likeable and just left us with a cliffhanger. terrible!!! 2. arno sequel in early 1800s. we may have milf arno, but does this mean we are undeserving of dilf arno??? 3. i’m honestly so obsessed with eivor that i wouldn’t mind a sequel just to see more of her. i will say this now because siege of paris isn’t out yet and when it’s out and finishes eivor’s story for good this answer will inevitably age very badly but idc!!  these last two aren’t exactly sequels but i don’t have any other sequels in mind 4. ILTANI GAME HELLO 5. shao jun game maybe. ♡ actually you know what aveline deserves a sequel too, i would LOVE to see the disguise system again. put “top 5” anything in my ask and i will answer

[misterbitches]

Dude yong jie’s character is literally unbearable this is like how not to write a vharacter 101

Our first intro to him is stalking, then PUNCHING someone in the LIVER bc the person he “loves” was fucking drunk and he blames his best friend? Then his mom is like “lmao actually um hes psycho” so anything they try to do retroactively like how they peppered in HIS DAD DIED A BLOO BLOO but previously it was also his OWN MOM going “im afraid he’ll lose his humanity” so not only was there no breathing room then it’s bumrushing him into their lives as best friends and it doesnt work. This dude sucks and he isnt even fun to watch. You know how breaking bad has one of the most abysmal main characters of all time but all of us were fucking ENGROSSED but the show made it clear that every enemy he faces, even the DEA, we want THEM to win (it is also a class analysis but woreva) so i am like wtf they show us literally nothing here. He’s just there. Wasting space and being awful. What is the purpose of his character in ssu’s life? Once you rape someone it is fucking over full stop but he didnt even fucking manage to start off in any compelling fucking way. Absolutely bonkers dude Esp bc theres at least a base moral code ie DONT HARRASS GIRLS UR “INTO” and thats why mei fang the absolute mad lad beaut was like “lmao nah i hate u”

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????????? WHERE IS THE WRITING HERE? WHAT IS THE SCRIPT? awhat is the PROGRESSION? This is such an insanely fucking dumb plo5 point i rly cannnnjnnntoeiwijshsgsgsgsgsgsgeggwiwowiw GORL

Lets talk abt the good things in the characters (theres none for yong jie hes just there being a little bitch)

Li cheng - himbo dumbass “manly” cutie and the manly stuff is fun cos it gets heaped on and yet every bit of him can be extremely “feminine” and jubilant. Great.

Muren - seems >:O but i rly like that hes actually pretty open in his own way. Side note: he is so thin and willow-y i rly loke tall pretty boys (and all women lmao) and he doesnt do it for me but He suits the character like his body and the way his character is. Also u gotta be weird and he is

Hsinng ssu (girl im never gonna learn how to spell their names it’s too much work cos the eng alphabet andnromanization is terrible) - mild mannered, good son, a homosexual confirmed confirmed g”(awesome!) great friend, good brother (and i guess his reward is being raped, great message!) and someone ppl like

The establishment of the three of them and their distinct personalities happens within minutes and then we meet

Yongjie - what about him? He may have an MI, okay, but we dont know for sure and oh gee that doesnt matter actually bc u have to get urself treated and also not be terrible. Not even psychopaths do the shit he does BC THEY HAVE TO GET HELP. Why the parents didnt get him help and are just realizing their son is terrible? Who knows . His purpose seems yo be “boy obsessed with brother like his actual brother” i dont care id they arent related in that way bc that’s not the fucking crux of incest and it is so insanely Fucked every thing to do with incest is almost always a disgusting powe r issue. WHAT PURPOSE DOES HE SERVE? WHAT DO WE ONOW ABOUT HIM OTHER THAN HE IS A FUCKING JERK AND AN IDIOT AND SUCKS AND I HATE HIM AND THAT HE WANTS TO STALK AND ATTACK THIS REALLY AWESOME FUCKING DUDE OK

There’s no returning point deom rhe line they croased byt theyb set him up for failure. Even in the fight hes a fucking cheater hes a goddamn immature rat they know he fucking sucks but he just sits there and waits for everyone else to move around him. A fucking selfish prick with nor edeeming qualities snd hes also a violent rapist stalker. Really great that thry have no clue how to make this dude actually have any humanity or likeability. Hes the man from 365 days basically except not even that hot and at least he kidnapped her but “WAITED” for “CONSENT” but in that movie’s world nothing mattered and it was bad and the point was to have a horny movie. But this show is for younger ppl and also IT HAS RULES AND IT KNOWS WHAT BAD ACTIONS ARE???? Soooooooooooooo in all these other dumb salacious books there seems to be just a mutual agreement that it’s fucked up but totally normal i their movie’s universee (it isnt and it is still just bad filmmaking)

Also it is up to yong jie to figure put how to get over it and understand that his brother is concerned for him. Bc it is. His brother. There’s a reason that incest is never advisable and thays bc there is no way in that situation that people aren’t somehow being coerced. There has to be a sort of split in the pursuer and the person being pursued bc one person is not thinking that way. (This is why people who find out they are related after the fact and havent grown up together is something thatms really unfortunate. They had no idea and they have to grapple with that but that is another scenario and it happens bc THEY DIDNT GROW UP TOGETHER.) i have experienced this from a (not immediate) fam member and i was the vulnerable one, had less powr, that is how it must go.

Thats why the power imbalance is scary and none of this is acceptable but it begs the question how did they get to this point? But the show doesnt even address that bc they cant bc theyre not original. And power imbalance does not mean automatic absolutely not territory. Theres things we dont like (in my casee i hate age gaps a lot) but i will avoid that.

I havemt seen “right or wrong” and i have no desire but from what ive garnered from ppl i like who liked that episode, the show outlined the moral issues with it. Idk if they did it in a way i would have preferred (again no desire) but at lesst from what ive heard it...tries? Idk i dont see the need for these if they dont give us a reason why these ppl should be together and there’s several lines that cannot be crossed that were. Basically it’s like stockholm syndrome now and there’s no choice for him, it goes beyond power imbalance and “legality” so to speak and now it’s just entrapment.

Theres not even avoiding or enjoying. Even for MODC as stupid as i found the secondary rship and negligent even like ok. Fine. Whatever. His boyfriend is 100 but at least it was semi agreed upon. It is what it is, go forth. I will criticize it but at least it was the story and as stupid and gross as i think it is and they will probs break up (idc what the show says) at least there are set ups that can make us see “why” it works and oh, gee, their whole rship relies on a different fucked up but at least at some point it could possibly be transcended. The foundation of youngjie is “rape entrapment and aw now they are in lvoe” BITCH NOOOO???? Where is the REASON? And why should we root for them? (There is none and when the Thing happens it is now impossible for that not to be absolutely foundational to their rship lmao and that is never something that goes away.)

I would like to say theres nothing romantic int he flashbacks i know thats what theyre trying to twll us but the actor is 30 and that child is like 8.

Im not missing the point bc i see it with my eyes and it sucks. If you cant even write the character well then how do you interest something heavy and work out the links? The only solution is yongjie dying i mean fucking off forever and hsing ssu not letting him into his lifeXni doubt we will get that but at the very least they cannot end up together and that will be their crowning fucking achievement over the waste of time bullshit plot this was. Imagine actual conflict that wasnt so deeply fucking traumatic and, oh, again WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? They fucked up SO FUCKING BADLY. This gives people the wrong idea about how these things work. God he is truly a shitty character and his ass isnt even fat so wtf bitch why am i here!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #430

“when the girl in the corner is everyone’s woman, she could kill you with a wink of her eye”

What kind of dog do you find most ugly? What a mean question. ;-; I don't think they're ugly, but I probably find chihuahuas to be the least visually appealing. Do you like wood floors or carpet better? Wood. Do you think the USA bullies other countries? Quite frankly, yes. Are you currently in love right now? No. Favorite fast food joint? Sonic. What would you do if your ex contacted you? THE ex, have a panic attack. Cry. Be wordlessly ecstatic. Be scared and confused. Do you still have feelings for your ex? Two, yes, but one is unrealistic considering I have no idea who he is anymore. It's been way too long for me to possibly, accurately like him. Ever tasted a flavored condom? No. Do you know CPR? No. How much do you care about your best friend? I'd die for her. Do you watch Dr. Phil? No. What age would you like to have a child? I don't want kids ever. Are your parents wealthy? Mom, absolutely not. Dad seems to be financially stable, but not wealthy or anything. Pick one state you’d love to live in? Alaska. How many pets do you want? And of what? Man, I want a LOT. I know I want more ball python morphs, a plains hognose, a woma python, numerous tarantulas, a fat-tailed gecko, a boa, orchid mantises, a sphynx, a tegu would be super cool... I'd love to have like an empire of pets one day, aha, but only so long as I could maintain them all and adequately provide for them. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. When do you want to get married? I mean, I don't have a set age in mind. I want to get married when I'm ready. Can you play a musical instrument? I played the flute for yeeeaaaars in middle and high school, but I remember almost nothing by now. What if you stopped orgasming for the rest of your life? Idc, honestly. Does money make you happy? Money probably makes me happier than it should, but I'm not like madly in love with it or anything. Happens when you're poor your whole life. Your favorite breakfast food? Ugh, cinnamon rolls are a godsend. When was the last time you went to a funeral? I actually don't think I've ever been to one... only wakes. I really, really wish I could have gone to Jason's mom's, though... There was just no fucking way that I was going to risk upsetting Jason on THAT day of all days by popping up. Have you ever stolen someone’s boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, we never actually dated, but you could say that... Tell me the date of your first kiss. I don't know the exact date, but it was March 2012. Are your legs long or short? Normal, I guess? How many phobias do you have? Man, a lot. Is there a bookshelf in your room? No. Do you use the Facebook chat often? Barely at all. I only really use it to chat with Girt on the rare occasion we talk. Who got you hooked on the addiction you're addicted to (If you have one)? I discovered Mark on my own; I needed help in an Amnesia: The Dark Descent custom story, so I found his playthrough and watched it. Got a few laughs, subscribed. It was Jason who introduced me to Amnesia, though, so I can indirectly thank him, I guess? haha Are you currently worried about your parents finding out about something? No. Have you ever lived with a friend? Yeah, for a couple months. Have you ever only liked someone because you found out they liked you? No. Ever been on a real diet, or did you just stop eating? I've tried multiple diets. Have you ever known a white supremacist? I know multiple. Welcome to the South. Do you like the smell of a barbecue? Yesss. It's funny because I hate the food itself. Have you ever gone out in public in your pajamas? Yeah. It's not rare, if I'm being honest. How many times have you been to the ER? Too many times because of being suicidal. How many people are you currently texting? None. Anything exciting coming up? My nephew's birthday is in a few days! Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? Money, so I can use it for anything. Do you have Instagram? I have three, ha ha. One for my basic photography, another for my morbid photos, and I went through a very short phase of having an Instagram for my pets. It still exists, but I don't really use it. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do ladders scare you? Yes. Hot dogs or hamburgers? Cheeseburgers may possibly be my favorite food. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? I do. Have you ever owned or known someone who owned a black cat? I've owned plenty of black cats. What album is the last song you listened to from? It's from Disguise. What’s the last funny movie you watched? Probably Elf. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Mom's, yes. I only remember the month of my dad's. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you pick? I think I want to get my tribute to Teddy next. How do you feel about band tattoos? Hey, go for it. I see nothing wrong with it. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Probably snakebites. Lip piercings in general are hot lmao. Are you any good at applying make up? Noooo, my hands are so shaky. How old were the last 3 people you kissed? Sara's 23; idr the exact ages of Girt and Tyler. I think Tyler was a year younger than me, and Girt is at the bare minimum three years older than me. If you found out you got someone pregnant, what would you do? Well, I'm a cisgender female, so... Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? Very frequently. Do you like your cell phone? I mean it's fine, but I'd like a new one. Is rap your favorite genre of music? No, it's actually my least favorite. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Oh god, no. Do people think you’re happy? I think it's safe to say most people who know me know I'm clinically depressed. Or you know... maybe not. Quite a few people have been surprised to learn that about me because I can put on a good facade. What band would you stand in line for 24 hours to see? None, honestly. That's way too long. What was your worst childhood experience? I guess my dad's alcoholism. As a child, I thought it was a normal thing, but I do wonder if my fear of men has anything to do with how volatile drinking had a 50/50 chance of making him. He never hurt anyone, but he was just so mad and hateful towards the world sometimes. You can trade another person’s emotions for your own. Whose do you take? I have no idea. What was/is going to be your first waltz at your wedding? That'll depend on my partner and what song means the most to us/fits us best. "When It's Love" by Van Halen has been a consideration for forever, though. When it’s not summer, what do you miss most about it? I hate summer. I miss nothing about it. Do you consider yourself patriotic? No. What is the one thing that you need to do to die happy? Feel like I accomplished something notable. Do you consider yourself mainstream? No. What’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done? Overdosing on cold medicine. What is life’s greatest mystery? Probably from whence we came. Humanity has fished for a definite answer forever. What was your favourite make-believe game as a kid? Pretending I was a meerkat hiding in a "burrow" that was a blanket fort, ha ha. Do you try your best at everything? Honestly, no. Who is your shoulder to cry on? My mom, without fail. What’s your standard excuse for not doing something? I dunno... it depends on the topic. Name the most beautiful person you know. As far as physical appearance goes, my friend Alon. Have you ever been to jail? No. What is one moment you wish you could have taken a picture of? Sara's face when I surprised her at her house for her birthday. It was absolutely fucking priceless. What place holds the most memories for you? Jason's house. Who was your first date? My puppy dog-love middle school bf Aaron. We went with a group of friends to a skating rink. My first one-on-one date was Jason. What’s the best trip you’ve ever been on? The zoo in 5th grade. It's the one and only time I've seen meerkats. For some weird reason, our zoo moved the meerkats not long after that visit. I THINK they said the environment just wasn't suitable for them, which I never really got... I think they mentioned the cold, but like, you have heating for them, and also, have you ever experienced a desert night? You consider all the other areas that have meerkats in their zoos and it's like... why, man. Bring my meerkats back. ;_; What do you think the earth will look like in 1,000 years? Oh dear God, I do NOT want to visualize that. My gut tells me it'll be a wasteland, probably without humans or most forms of life we have now. We have to get our shit straight, so very badly. I could rant for hours about how horribly and ungratefully we abuse our planet. Who makes you happy to be around? Sara! I feel like I can be my 100% authentic self, and we just vibe really well together. Like every time I've been there and she here, our friendship felt so natural and chill. I really, really need to save up for another trip up there. What secret have you tried to hide but it got out anyway? I kept the Joel situation to myself from pretty much everyone, but it eventually came out in front of Mom and Jason. It was actually the night of the breakup; I don't remember how it was relevant at all to mention, but I did in some form. Mom wisely never asked about it, and Jason obviously didn't. I was a stupid 12-year-old anyway, it's whatever now. Who/what is your everything? I will never. Ever. In five billion millennia. Let anyone be that again. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Ummm three? I think that's it. How many exes do you have? If I include everyone who ever had a title of "boyfriend/girlfriend," I have six. Who was your worst relationship with? Tyler. It was just pointless and the result of nothing but loneliness. What’s your ‘label’? (ex. punk, prep) I really, really don't care. Do you swear? How much? Like a sailor. I swore some beforehand, but I got really bad when Jason and I started dating. He swore a lot, and his mother did even more. I was around them as much as possible, so it rubbed off on me. What is the one thing that would make everything in your life fall apart? Losing my family, like being disowned or something like that. Especially when it comes to Mom. I rely on her so heavily, as much as I hate that. :/ What takes your breath away? Nature is very capable of that. Something like seeing big waterfalls in the mountains or something would marvel me. Are you patient? No, honestly. Are you a good dancer? No. Even when I took dance, I don't think I was great; however, I do think I was pretty skilled at clogging. Who would you call first in a life-threatening situation (not 911)? My mom. Who do you miss? Jason and his family, Megan, Alex, Hannia, Emily, Journee... a lot of people. Do you like snakes? I adore snakes.

[unravelling-the-world]

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

[mental-health-advice]

Submission from 👻🦈

im sorry this is long but idk what else to do (tag as 👻🦈)

im apathetic and i lack a worrying amount of sympathy. i dont feel anything when my friends tell me theyre suffering, or when someone dies, or anything i SHOULD feel an emotion towards. i never realized HOW apathetic i was until my friends were all like “i love you so much i feel so warm” and whatever and i … felt barely anything?

when i was six, my grandpa died, and i had to pretend to care. i didnt care at all, but i knew what happened. when i was four, we were roller skating and my mom broke her leg. you could see her bone sticking out. i cried hard, and as we went to the hospital, my tia comforted me and told me that my mom was going to be okay. in my head i was thinking, “i dont care about my mom. i want to finish roller skating”. when i was 12 my grandma had brain surgery, and i didnt care then either. two weeks ago, my great grandma (age 98) fell and had to go to the hospital, i didnt feel anything.

when something happens that produces either a heart warming response from people, a sad one or an angry one, i dont feel anything.

i still do have emotions though, like today i felt bad when my friend couldnt see her friends. but i also didnt feel bad when my other friend attempted suicide a few weeks ago.

i’ve self harmed (cutting and punching shit), not because im depressed, but because i wanted to see blood. i wouldnt kill anything though, i just wanted to see blood.

i havent been struggling with anger issues as badly as i used to, and i hate it. it makes me uncomfortable. i like it when im at my most apathetic and most angry. i dont take my anger out on anyone, , but i have (intentionally) damaged my knuckles from punching stuff, and ive broken and ripped stuff.

i still have emotions though. i still get sad, and i still get happy. i just lack a lot of sympathy. back in 2015, i was emo, and outgoing, but i also had anxiety and depression. i wanted attention, so i changed my personality so i was more soft, and my anxiety was greater than before, and i was really sensitive in general. 2016-mid 2018, i was soft. i was nice, and kind, and the “therapist friend”. i cried easily, i was sensitive, i loved heart warming things, like dogs, and flowers. i would do anything for anyone.

i got tired of it. i changed my personality again.

i stopped being soft, and i ended up being uncomfortable to affection again. my anger issues worsened. i got a lot “edgier” by choice. my whole personality did a complete 360. it was subtle too. i wanted the way people viewed me to change, so i changed it. i changed everything about me becwuse i wanted to. is that weird? is it normal for someone to so easily do that?

ive been able to be intimate with my friends, but not family. i cant say i love you even if i want to, i cant express that i want to spend time with them, i dont even call my mom “mom” because of how intimate it feels. i call her mother and i call my dad, “hEy!” (thats me getting his attention). i cant say i love you to my friends anymore either. i also do NOT like feeling like im not in control (like if someone asks me to do a lot of stuff, i might refuse to because i’ll feel like theyre in control). i also can not handle being coddled. im just afraid of vulnerability.

with all of these issues, i dont want to fix any of them. idc enough to fix them. none of this scares me, and i feel like it should. what does scare me, though, is that all this is temporary. a phase in life that a teenage boy with repressed emotions, bad parents and a traumatic past is going through. i dont know, i just want to know whats wrong with me. if i should even be worried?

Hi 👻🦈,

I’m sorry to hear that this has been going on! I hope I can give you some helpful information to provide you some insight into what could be going on.

I’ll start by saying that we’re not professionals here at MHA and as a blog we don’t condone self-diagnosis for reasons listed here, so any of the suggestions I give you are based off of either personal experience or research. That being said, there are plenty of reasons why someone may struggle with apathy. We often associate apathy with psychopathy, but it can be caused by plenty of other disorders. For example, depression can cause apathy, as you can become so depressed that you don’t have the energy or ability to care about anything/anyone. Again, though, there are plenty of reasons why someone is apathetic. 

You mentioned not wanting to change and that’s understandable! However, I want you to know that there is help out there in case you do ever decide that you want to change. Apathy itself isn’t a diagnosable condition, but a professional would be able to figure out what is causing your apathy. By treating whatever is causing it, you would likely experience less apathy. For example, if a therapist discovered that depression is causing your apathy, treating the depression should reduce your apathy. Other things, such as becoming more comfortable with vulnerability, can also be addressed in therapy. If you ever decide that you want help and need more information about professional help, feel free to check out our getting help page.

As for being scared about how temporary this is, I think that’s also understandable. It’s natural to be afraid of changes, even if those things are internal, as the things we don’t have control over are often scariest. Everyone goes through these kinds of changes, though, and sometimes these changes end up being good for us in the long run. I can’t say whether the things you struggle with will ever completely go away, but I can say that it’s definitely possible for them to get better and easier to manage. 

When it comes to whether you should be worried or not, that’s honestly completely up to you. If what you’re struggling with isn’t bothering you to the point where you feel like something needs to change, then that’s okay! On the other hand, if it eventually gets to the point where you do want to change, that’s okay too. Again, it’s up to you to decide.

Since you mentioned self-harming in the past, there are some resources I’d like you to have in case this is still something you struggle with. Self-harm is tricky because it’s easy to become addicted to and there are so many different reasons behind why someone might harm themselves, so it’s important to try to find other coping mechanisms to replace the self-harming behaviors. Some resources I think you should check out include: distractions, alternatives to self-harm, and reasons not to self-harm. Although it can be incredibly difficult to find other coping mechanisms, those resources are a good step in the right direction.

Take care!

-Samantha

[jasonblossomsghost]

1-64 and 65: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?mm no more my own? i dissociate Constantly

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?4 unless i’m w someone else then 1

3. The person you would never want to meet?drumpf

4. What is your favorite word?hmm idk iridocyclitis is fun, a meme, and i work for an eye doctor so relevant to my occupation

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?i like weeping willows and i cry a lot so

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?we’re really doing this again huh

7. What shirt are you wearing?a long sleeved red and navy striped shirt that my mommy gave me

8. What do you label yourself as?a disaster

9. Bright room or dark room?bright room. fun fact: when i was ab 13 i could not sleep unless my overhead light was on. sometimes if im doing really badly i still need it lmao

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?uhh iirc i was talking to my boyfriend and playing wordscapes

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?idk 19 is going ok so far

12. Who told you they loved you last?my boyfriend

13. Your worst enemy?either myself or this one coworker of mine who i genuinely hate

14. What is your current desktop picture?just the preset one,,, idc that much lmao

15. Do you like someone?i mean my s/o is pretty cool sometimes

16. The last song you listened to?Outside - The Early November

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?me bitch tf

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?that one coworker... this one patient at my job who degrades me and my coworkers constantly

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?no one and nothing... i like to do things myself

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)idk tbh 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?don’t really like this question or the phrase opposite sex in general  so pass /:

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?nah i’m Talentless

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?you know overflow drains in like bathtubs? until i was like 10 i had to have my back against them bc i was scared people could watch me through it 

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.i live off popcorn so i dont eat or like sandwiches really

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?put it in savings. i’m tryna move out in 6 months

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?hmm idk. i have a friend in san francisco i havent seen in forever so that would be lit

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?smirnoff 100%

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no geminis

29. What is your favorite expletive?fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?i was gonna say my fire safe box that has my social security card, birth certificate, etc then i was like wait a minute... but tbh idk maybe my laptop? or my purse?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?my childhood was like 98% trauma but like.. it made me not suck that bad so i’ll keep it

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!i wanna move to seattle but thats in country so.. no idea. sweden? i like ikea

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?don’t fuck w the dead. no one is coming back

34. What was your last dream about?last sunday night i dreamt i woke up monday (christmas eve) and didnt go to work even though i was supposed to (paranoia. i had the day off lmao)

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?i am very good at loving dogs

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?yeah lots of times lmao

37. Have you ever built a snowman?yep. shitty but a snowman

38. What is the color of your socks?black

39. What type of music do you like?depends. sad boi music lately

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?sunrises 100%

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?i can’t drink milk /: but maybe strawberry

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)i am gay idk sports

43. Do you have any scars?quite a few! i’m a clumsy clusterfuck

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?i’m currently in college for poli sci and after i graduate w my BA, i wanna go to law school

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?idk?? like i hate myself but i also dont really wanna change anything

46. Are you reliable?generally yes. but i am known to cancel plans bc i’m depressed lol

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?hows life dude

48. Do you hold grudges?oh hell yeah not gonna play like i dont

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?nope dont like that At All

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?nothing really stands out... probably something from work but i take 100 calls a day so? they all blur together

51. Are you a good liar?really good. i don’t lie though. i’m actually brutally honest bordering on asshole

52. How long could you go without talking?dayssss i love not speaking

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?uhh freshman year i had an awful side part... next

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?yeah! i’m really great at cooking and baking!

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?not really? i took 2 years french and 4 years spanish and to pronounce properly i have to talk differently so i guess i kinda take on an accent then? but not actually

56. What do you like on your toast?i have celiac and gluten free bread is like $5 i dont eat toast lmao

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?i had to do a portrait in the style of francis bacon for my art final

58. What would be you dream car?ideally something that uses clean energy other than that idc

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.no and no.. i just shower what y’all doing in the shower

60. Do you believe in aliens?1000000%

61. Do you often read your horoscope?not often.. like if i happen across it i’ll read it

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?i’m not sure. m is a nice letter

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?dinosaurs bc they were real

64. What do you think about babies?honestly? terrified of them 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.if i were a bird maybe a magpie? or a crow or raven? or one of those really annoying parakeets

[deeeelightfuldee]

How do you feel about dreads on women? I don’t care what you do with your hair

When you’re through with school/college, do you plan on staying where you are now, or moving away? I’m thru with my bachelors degrees and might be moving. 

Who were you dating in May 2013? John

Would you date someone three years younger than you? ummmm... tbh dating younger is kind of a turn off to me. I maaaaaaaaaaaay be able to but honestly, i much prefer older than me.

Is there anything you wish you could tell someone but won’t? yeah. but it won’t do any good.

Do you feel like your life is moving forward? no. it stopped REAL sharp.

Would you ever have an open relationship? the thought of that makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

By society’s standards, are you attractive? no. 

Would you let your kid smoke weed? no, that’s not my thing

Do you wear glasses? no

Are you okay? no. but I’m trying every day, so that’s what counts. I’ll get there eventually. but right now, no not at all.

Are all guys liars and cheaters? no, definitely not. there are a lot of good eggs out there.

Are you a good artist? i’m okay depending on the medium

Do you listen to music daily? absolutely.

Are you listening to music now? no I turned it off probably 2 hours ago. been playing the K playlist. gotta add some more.

Got laid last night, didn’t you? no.

Do you say the F-word a lot? no. cussing is not something I ever picked up on.

Do you like talking on the phone? lol I always always always hated it unless it were J, K, nathan, or mom. 

Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move? yes. once I asked someone to spray my back with sunscreen and they grabbed tanning oil instead of the 50 spf and they religiously sprayed me. I got 2nd degree burns on my back, my arms, the back of my legs, and my feet. i was in agony.

What medical conditions do you have? seems like not the sort of thing I will be discussing rn

Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap? yea. offer grace. kill ‘em with kindness. under no circumstances do I need to be crappy because someone else is crappy. 

Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? usually I don’t tell a single person ever 

Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? lol I did that with K like 4x. Uhhh with J 1x. Chris 1x. They all reached back out but i wasn’t into repairing “us” other than K

Are you a tease? I have been told which really makes no sense because i’m well aware of what teasing is and I very seldom do that.

Are you in a good mood? I’m much more calm today than I was yesterday. which is extremely surprising to me. i’m not in a good mood, I think I might just be slightly dead inside.

What do you think of people who save it for marriage? I respect it. also, whywould that be any of my business.

Have you ever had a one-night stand? no

Has someone ever pressured you into doing something you didn’t want to do? uhhhhhhhhh maybe like dumb stuff. like “send me a snapchat” and then i’m bein sassy like no, absolutely not. *sends one anyway* lol but no nothing serious

Would you have sex with someone you had known less than twenty-four hours? no.

Are you even into holding hands? eff yes.

Something you really want right now? k. 

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? yea. i wish so badly there was any fight left in either of us.

Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? no. tbh the last thing you need to worry about is managing a relationship when youre battling a drug addiction.

How long should people be together before they propose? I think it varies from person to person. Largely, this can vary by how long the two know one another. Like if you’ve known eachother 10 years and just dated for 6mos like go for it. You know that person well. but like hey I met you this week and we are engaged --- ehhhhhhhh thats concerning. but you do you, boo

What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? Idc what ages other people date at so long as it’s legal and safe. for myself, I’ve dated 15 years older. I’ve never dated younger. my preference would be somewhere between like 1-9 years older

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? no.

Do you get jealous easily? for mosssssst people, no. but if I am insecure about the relationship, I can be. Or if I’m like pursuing you and you dk that yet, oooooo buddy lol

Who was your last text from? uhhhhh idk. I heard the tone go off a few mins ago but i’m not checkin’.

What are you sitting on right now? my bed

Do you have any drugs in your bedroom? Nope.

Have you ever spent the night in the hospital? many a times.

Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? ummm, sure. I don’t have any, but I’m not offended by it

Are you friends with any of your teachers on Facebook? i don’t use fb

Who have you texted today? blegh. idk.

Who was the last person you made plans with? henry

Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test? lol no. I passed them 1st try.

Are you 16 or older? ooooooolder.

Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? no. I never liked waiting week to week to watch something.

Is the sun shining bright outside right now? no. it’s midnight. the sun has long since gone down.

[musashi]

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people

i was tagged by @kimkun16 and fuck that im not tagging anyone

LAST

•Drink - diet coke

•Phone Call – i dont call ANNYONEEEEE

•Text message - ven

•Song You Listened To – i’ve had watashi makenai on repeat for like 2 weeks straight

•Time You Cried – i spent like 90% of yesterday in angry tears. wait no i think i cried today because i was reading a fanfiction where harley apologized to may and they hugged.

EVER

•Dated Someone Twice? – hell naw

•Kissed Someone and Regretted It – i like. literally don’t have any regrets.

•Been Cheated On – i cant count the relationships where i wasn’t cheated on on one hand

•Lost Someone Special - always

•Been Depressed – u kno it

•Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up - U KNO IT!

FAVE COLORS: red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

•Made New Friends – yeah

•Fallen Out of Love - nope!

•Laughed Until you Cried – yeah!

•Found Out Someone Was Talking About You – i try not to! but people always will.

•Met Someone Who Changed You – yeah

•Found Out Who Your Friends Are - idk i have a personality disorder

•Kissed Someone on Your Facebook Friends List - no i havent kissed anyone in the last year and its a fucking crime?

GENERAL

•How Many of Your Facebook Friends do You Know IRL – idk. hundreds probably.

•Do You Have Any Pets - a lot

•Do You Want to Change Your Name - i wanna hyphenate it to madi-gwendolyn and change my second middle name to vesuvius. i would be the most extra fucker in the world. madi-gwendolyn rose vesuvius lastname.

•What Did You do For Your Last Birthday – rolled in cash money, bought a lot of wobbuffet

•What Time Did You Wake up Today – like 11

•What Were You Doing at Midnightlast Night – crying probably

•What is Something You Can’t Wait For - ven is coming over tomorrow!

•What Are You Listening to Right Now – WATASHIIIIII MAKENAIIIII--

•Have You Ever Talked to a Person Named Tom – probably?

•Something Thats Getting On Your Nerves – nothing

•Most Visited Website - Tumblr

•Hair Colour – red

•Long or Short Hair – its like... a messy mullet rn.

•Do you Have a Crush on Someone – can i say my girlfriend?

•What Do You Like About Yourself – everything

•Want Any Piercings? – HELL YEAH tons

•Blood Type – idk

•Nicknames – red!

•Relationship Status - taken!

•Zodiac - virgo/libra cusp

•Pronouns - they/them and she/her

•Fave TV Shows – pokemon

•Tattoos – YESYESYES some day

•Right or Left Handed - right but i do ASL left-handed

•Ever Had Surgery - nah

•Piercings – no

•Sport – no

•Drinking – Oh That Bitch?

•I’m About to Watch – the same 20 AG episodes again

•Waiting For – ven to get off work

•Want - a massage, and mac and cheese, and a walk in a rose garden with someone holding my hand, and for me to find an outlet for all this excess love in my heart. oh and to gain the courage to tell the person who hurt me yesterday how badly they hurt me.

•Get Married – soon pls

•Career – idc

WHICH IS BETTER

•Hugs or Kisses - both good

•Lips or Eyes - BOTH GOOD

•Shorter or Taller - i like when people are taller than me cause nice contrast

•Older or Younger - i generally get along better w/ younger people because i love being expository and esposing whatever knowledge ive gained in my years unto them.

•Nice Arms or Stomach - stomach, toned arms actually make me really nervous.

•Hookup or Relationship - both good

•Troublemaker or Hesitant - depends on if the troublemaker knows when to be hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER

•Kissed a Stranger - yeah

•Drank Hard Liquor - NOTHIN BUT

•Lost Glasses - thank god no

•Turned Someone Down - yea

•Sex on First Date - nah

•Broken Someones Heart - yea

•Had Your Heart Broken - yea

•Been Arrested - yea

•Cried When Someone Died - nah

•Fallen for a Friend - yea

DO TOU BELIEVE IN

•Yourself – u bet

•Miracles - nah

•Love at First Sight – absolutely

•Santa Claus - yeah but not in a literal sense

•Kiss on a First Date - sure!

•Angels - in a sense

ORHER

•Best Friend’s Name - yiffy mcstarbucks

•Eye Colour – blue

•Fave Movie - the shape of water

•Fave Actor – i recently lost mine and have yet to replace him, couldnt tell u.