#this reminds me of the time when i couldnt understand tumblr

[crazylittlejester]

ive finally decided. each slugcat that goes with each member of the chain

now i originally panicked thinking "oh fuck theres only 9 and inv would horribly mischaracterize whoever i threw them with because theyre basically just known as the dating sim one what do i do" (for context the dating sim is a feature added once you finish inv's campaign as a joke) but then i remembered the watchers existence so everything is great

oh yeah i threw the chart of them with each slugcat and the color i associate each one with at the bottom, and the slugcats themselves !! :)

Four is Monk because I just think it fits, a silly little guy, so why not?? (i secretly didnt know who would fit him and monk seemed like the best choice)

Hyrule is Survivor because Survivor is the sort of the mascot of Rainworlds AND everyone is based on their design, which is kinda what I see Hyrule as!!

Twilight is Hunter because Hunter's campaign is fairly hard,, atleast for a newgen ☹️ i got killed by like every monster and that reminded me how when i started playing twilight princess i gave up on the top of the castle because the birds kept killing me.

Wild is Gourmand because Gourmand can mix food and it gives him an extra food pip, which sorta relates to how Wild can cook food and its more hearts than the ingredients mixed in it are

Legend is Artificer because both are more closed off due to trauma of losing people they love </3 they could never make me hate you Artificer (shes been one of my favs since last year (i drew ship art of her and hunter to annoy my friend once as a joke even if the two characters NEVER MET and then i became an artificer fan LMAO))

Wind is Rivulet because.. well ive already yapped to you about this but Rivulet and Wind are kinda.. both already water related in their stories but also both care about the people they love!! Rivulet considers the character Looks to the Moon as their mom and their campaign is basically just helping her and Wind saves his sister in Wind Waker :3

Sky is Spearmaster because Spearmaster has a special ability of holding two spears, which i just think is cool and i was like "huh sky was kinda the one who helped forge the master sword (correct me if im wrong LMAO)" but also comes with a downside because.. Spearmaster cannot eat normally. they have to use the spikes they form from their tail to drain the nutrients out of creatures ☹️

Time is Saint for ACTUALLY THE PERFECT REASON???? basically once you reach karma 10 (im not 100% sure what karma even is but its earned through playing the game) you become a god and have the ability to kill everything with one hit (compared to before where you couldnt even pick up a spear) but when you ascend and end the campaign you end up in the same place as before, restarting the cycle.

Warriors is *checks notes.* thats? not a released character yet thats an upcoming DLC- who cares hes The Watcher/Nightcat because they technically arent canon outside of arena yet and haha thats like battling. hyrule warriors is battling mainly. see it matches it matches it fits its fits,,!! (ignore how their picture is their marketable plushie they have no canon illustration outside of arena icon yet)

NOBODY GETS INV.

heh... the yapping.. its over 🔥 i spent like 20 minutes on this. :3

tumblr please dont snack on this i hid a knife in it itll hurt☹️!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEYRE ALL SO FUNKY LOOKIN THANKS FOR INCLUDING THE IMAGES. IM FUCKIN OBSESSED WITH THEM

i genuinely appreciate the amount of time you put into this dude, i may not really understand all of it but I’m absolutely fucking eating it up

[zstargalaxy]

Heard you're new to Tumblr, welcome!

I love the Twst x Pokemon MC crossover so much.

So, take your time with this one. How would the Heartslabyul boys react to finding a Flabebe for a first time. As in they have no idea what it is and thought it was some kind of fairy?

I think plenty of cute moments could happen in that situation but I wanna know what you think.

Me too! I have a perfect few scenarios in mind, though i might make them short, i will try to make them pleasable and full of fluff! :)

TWISTED WONDERLAND x POKEMON

HEARTSLABYUL x Flabebe MC

♥️BEFORE MAIN STORY♥️

Believe it or not, Riddle was the first one who had found you.

You were still a young bloomer fairy type and was kinda hungry when you were wandering and admiring the lovely rose maze that had surrounded the Red Dorm.

You didnt know how you got there in the first place but you didnt seem to care for hunger had taken over your senses, which had lead you to the window of the kitchen in the Heartslabyul dorm.

At the time, Riddle wasnt Dorm Leader yet so he had meet you through he's time of duty to paint the roses according to the rules of the dorm.

The then first-year was taken back at your sudden appearance at the rose maze.

He had heard and are aware that there are fairies that roam around Night Raven College but dont exactly approach students directly.

So imagine he's suprise when he had saw you.

You didnt look like any fairy he had seen or heard.

He might probably think that your a some kind of garden fairy with how your so drawn to the roses.

But some how, one thing led to the next with you two becoming quite inseparable after you were curiously looking at him as he work.He couldnt stop himself from thinking how cute you are when you tried to copy him in painting the roses red.

Especially on trying to carry a paint brush that is to big for you.

Heck, you even follow him like how little ducklings would do with their mom.

Of course, Riddle wasnt very comfortable at first but he quickly gotten use to your presence which is kinda unlike him.

He already knew the consequences of slacking off on he's studies but...He couldnt force himself from being apart from for some reason.

Along with the rest of the members of the Heartslabyul Dorm.

Many were in shock to see the first year being followed by some kind of fairy, especially how fae can tend to act around humans but your cuteness is just to much to resist!

You found this place very wierd to be honest but in a fun way!

You love how big the space is for you to fly around.

The garden outside with all it's red and white roses were beautiful.

And the tea parties and unbirthday parties were the best!

The previous prefect and vice even decided to secratly made you an honorary little garden fairy of the Heartslabyul dorm.

Even after Riddle became Prefect, he still let you kept your title seeing as it fits your helpfulness around the dorm.

Though, still young as you are, didnt understand what does that mean but you knew that you are gonna show them that you are a big girl!

You celebrated by letting out sparkles around Riddle and soon the whole tea part participants with smiles and laughter around the area.

Of course, Cater and Trey were also among the suprise Heartslabyul students.

You reminded Trey of he's little siblings back at home, especielly when you help him with the food for the tea parties and trying to sneakily eat a piece of dessert without him knowing.

He soon learn that you somehow like honey when he was using some for some pastries and when you gotten yourself coated in it when you try to open the jar.

But he also appreciates your determined helpfulness around the dorm despite your small stature.

Perhaps thats what makes you and Riddle relate.

Trey cant help but let out a bittersweet smile at the thought, but nonetheless, he is happy to see he's friend happy once more.

Cater found you so adorable! Instantly taking pics of ya in Magicam that soon have hundreds of views and likes from how cute you were in the shots.

He even taken videos of you using your "magic"/moves around the garden.

You love how cheerful Cater isn especially when the two of you play togather when painting the roses, he is one of your favorite best friends! (Along side Trey and Riddle).

Oh how he wish that you were he's little sister.

You view Riddle as your Mommy/Big brother.

You two are always togather and everyone in the dorm knows that.

Of course, Riddle will not neglect in teaching you the 810 rules of the Queen of Heart's dorm so that you wont broke them.

You didnt understand most of them nor remember all of them but you tried your very best to make Riddle happy.

And it paid off with some of the dorm residents calling you as the 2nd vice prefect with you are always by he's side and always report him about someone who is breaking the rules.

This was during he's first year so he wasnt exactly that hard core in the main story.

But you also didnt always tell him who had broken the rules.

You made sure to remind the person about the rule that they had or about to break by circling around them with some kind of sparkles or pollen since they cant understand you.

By doing this, they knew the message right away.

And whenever a Heartslabyul students are gonna brawl it out and that Riddle isnt gonna use he's UM on them, its you with your "magical" pollen that makes them instantly and made them calm and relax.

When summer came, you cried a river when Riddle told you that you had to stay.

It breaks both of your hearts but Riddle cant let he's mom knew of you, he cant lose you too.

Many of the residents let out bittersweet bye and you giving out a "Flabebe!" as a goodbye to them as they left for summer break.

Cater made one last pic before promising you with the other residents that you all will come back soon.

Trey even left a cake for you before he left for home.

As soon as they left, the dorm was empty.

Of course, you continue watching over the garden but it wasnt the same.

You always eat Trey's cake alone during late nights, even crying out a river with fat sad tears as you wonder why they didnt bring you.

You asked Arcerus above why they didnt bring you.

Soon, curioisty gotten the best of you as you pull your white fairy flower to go explore the campus that you barely got to see.

Due to this exploration of yours, you had meet the other fairies in NRC that were all doing their thing when you had approach them.

The fairies were suprise to see such a young of their kind in such place.

This place is too dangerous for someone as young as you.

But they cant help but wonder what type of fea are you.

They can feel that you are a fea but dont what kind.

Yet nonetheless, the fairies quickly took you in as they kept you company through out the summer.

Some even were disgusted and horrified that the studnets of your dorm had left you, a fea toddler, on her own.

They made a promise to lecture them about it.

♥️MAIN STORY♥️

Riddle, Trey and Cater happily beam at the sigh of you happily flying towards them in your flower as you joyfully dance around them and the new students with your pollen as to welcome them (back) to the dorm.

Riddle indulge himself, for once since he's return to him, to finally relax from such a tiring and troublesome day had during the ceremony earlier with a certain cat and magicless character.

The older dorm members smiled and greeted you as they had missed you during the summer break but the 1st years had expressions if shock and bewilderment at the sight of a fea-like creature greeting them upon entry at to their new dorm.

They had the same expressions and thoughts like Riddle and the other students like him had when they first see you for the first time last year.

During Riddle's introduction to the new members about Heartslabyul and that they should be obligated to the rules of the Queen of Hearts, he gastured towards you as he tell the 1st years that you are the dorm's personal garden fairy and that they shall treat you with respect aswell.

Many of the 1st years who are aware about the nature of feas were shock, considering how feas dont exactly approach or even like humans to the point of becoming their personal helper but the whispers were quickly shut with a single glare from the housewarden as they all were now disperse for now.

During that night ,when it was bedtime, Riddle rock you to sleep just like he did last year as he made sure to keep you comfortably cozy on the pillow that you always sleep on, with both of you content during your slumbers.

A soft smile grace your little mouth.

Oh how you had missed this and you hope he will never leave you alone again.

During one night, you had spotted a student with a heart on he's face light at night with a fridge wide open, allowing lighg through the dark late evening as he was about to eat one of the tarts that you helped Trey with for the upcoming Unbirthday party.

Alarmed, you quickly float towards him and made gastures to make him stop eating the tart before he would get into any trouble with Riddle.

Ace, the one who is eating the tart, was suprise like among he's fellow first years when he had first saw you but currently, he is hungry so he tried to shoo you away or tell you that he was hungry, in which you understand but Riddle would get mad!

Yet Riddle found out upon entering the kitchen and collared Ace right on the spot.

You let out a sighed at your failed attempts to stop him, feeling quite sad that you failed as you tried to follow the first year until Riddle had stop you, telling you that you no longer have to worry about Ace any longer and that it was he's problem and he's alone but Riddle quickly brighten your mood by offering some honey since you did caught Ace on the act.

He quickly pulled you and him back to bed as he did he's usually routine with you before going to sleep, but this time he allowed you to sleep on the same bed togather, cuddling away into the night.

You officially meet him, Deuce, Yuu and Grim was when you stubbornly follow Trey to the kitchen, considering that you wanted to go out of the dorm and finally take a small break from your little work.

And made sure to keep he's not gonna prank the noobies like he had done to ya with the oyster sauce.

Yuck.

Deuce had seen and heard about you so he was very excited to meet such a cute fea, especielly how you kinda act like small child or sibling that wants to help in doing big jobs like he had with he's mom.

He enjoy he's time of decorating the tart with you, especielly on the whip cream part where you have cream all over you as you lick it all up from your tiny hands with happy squeaks and giggles and when you helped in calming him down by spreading your pollen all over him to relax he's anger over the delinquents.

Grim were shock to see a fea, a baby/kid one nonetheless, but didnt think anything special about ya but did ended up having a small competition with you on the chestnuts.

Yuu thought you were adorable, liking how you helped around in making the apology tart for Ace to give.

Ace thought you were like Riddle, since he had seen you always by he's side but he cant deny the help (and reassurance) you gave for him to apologise to Riddle.

You had sent out Fairy wind when Trey had done the joke.

The sight of several collared students in the lounge area was horror to behold, as you tried to chear them up with some of your small party tricks and spread some pollen to help them relax abit...

But if only it had worked on you aswell.

When the day had finally come....lets just say it there were alot has happened and it was just the beginning.

You never had seen Riddle act like this before, never in your life have you had seen such rage and anger that he had displayed right before your eyes as you hide behind Trey and Cater in fear.

As the Adeuce and Ramshackle duo had been kicked out, you tried to follow them to only be stopped by Riddle to just let them be and after what you had seen him, you hesitantly oblifge but decided to stay abit away from him out of fear.

And soon after that, Riddle and you have been very distant with the former no fool to the situation yet didnt seem to try to explain to you as you two started to drift away more and more with you even started to sleep more with Trey to avoid him.

Your friendship with Riddle strained even more after he had insulted Ace and Deuce during their tournament for the Housewarden position and to overthrow him.

Was this the Riddle you know? Why was he acting like a meanie? Why was he so...so.... Was he just...pretending?

Despite the tears spilling out 9f your eyes, you quickly stood against him and used all your attacks against him.

Riddle was taken by surprise, along with everyone else, as he was knocked over and hit by your attacks but he was able to collar ya aswell after he had lift up he's pen through the attacks.

It was hurting.

Your prickled tears finally spilled into full on waterfalls as Riddle even insluted as to why he even let you be in the dorm with how you are acting like them aswell.

That was the final straw for Ace to hit a punch.

After the whole Overblot mess, Cater quickly had came to you with your still intact flower in hand as he soothed you through your frighten state as you hiccup here and there with tears.

Riddle quickly apologise to you after he had remembered of what he had said to you.

He apogise and apologise with tears at how he had insulted you, the first perso who had gave the same feeling that he had with Trey and Chenya in a long time.

You two hug it out in a tender embrace as Ace kept on rambling that he's crying wasnt enough for an apologise with the others watching you and Riddle but you both ignore it for now, enjoying the needed hug to your hearts contents.

{BONUS!}

"Catch him! CATCH HIM!!!"

Che'nya giggled as he carried you away to go off to RSA with very angry Heartslabyul students chasing you two down throughout the whole dorm.

"Nya~ Riddle need CATch up, hihihihihi~" the purple cat beastman chuckled, making you look up in confusion of what does he mean by that "What do you mean mister kitty???" You asked, floating your way up to he's face to level up againsg him. He only giggled as he hold you and your flower gently in he's hands to get both of you away even further to continue your little game of chase that he had started when he had "kidnapped" ya away from the revenge unbirthday party.

"You will learn soon, little Alice. You will learn soon~ ;3 "

Sorry that itvwas pretty long. I got carried away and had so much ideas that i wanted to put and limited into this work so I am sorry for the lengthy writing but I do hope that you enjoy it :)

[estrophore]

Signalis Post (barely coherent thought vomit)

So I finished signalis on Monday and i think ive just about recovered enough for me to make a gush post about it on tumblr dot com, which i think i have to do cause i dont think any other game has really hit me as hard as this one. Spoilers obvs.

Being pre-transion, with that associated depression and closing off from oneself, ive always found it difficult to get out my feelings, even in private with just myself, and yet signalis has filled me throughout with its beautiful romantic melancholy and left me genuinely sobbing for the gay robot and her space girlfriend (almost worried that if id played this game on estrogen it might actually have just killed me on the spot). the only other times i can think of where i really cried were playing We Know The Devil near the beginning of the year, which really fkin hit the part of me that struggles to accept myself, and that time i rewatched the last episode of she-ra after reading the ‘Word War Etheria’ fanfic, which brings the characters so much more to life i fell for them all over again.

Signalis is a game that calls back to a lot of classic horror like resident evil and silent hill, which i havent got round to playing any of yet, but i think nostalgia works both ways sometimes and i’ll be playing them sooner now. sometimes horror gets stereotyped as all death and violence, some games fill themselves with skulls and corpses, and big ugly monsters and basically shout ‘DEATH!’ in your face repeatedly and it all just comes off as a bit garish and ridiculous and not actually very scary really. Signalis sits at the other end of that scale (with some of my other fav horror games like soma, cry of fear) where its environs are most usually just… quiet. Still. Muffled. Sad. just as often as theres tension or creeping fear because of this i find theres a strange kind of comfort too. Maybe its just that in most other genres of games theres so much of music, UI elements, pickups and interactibles with vibrant design. Here, theres room for your mind to just occupy the space. A soft fog. A dimly lit room. An empty train. Snow out a window. Liminal spaces that dont expect anything from you.

Signalis is a game thats just simply, unapologetically gay, and i dont think i would have been quite so invested in Elster and Ariane’s relationship if they were a straight couple. Its why representation is important, if art’s way for us to explore our emotions then its important to have media that we can relate to. Even Adler’s role isnt typically masculine. Our replika characters are manufactured, designed for certain roles in the base. Notes from the tough Stars and Storchs in the shooting range, the dollish Eules with the fairy lights and music player in the dorm. I couldnt help but think of groups of Eules sat around chatting, together, and im yearning for that feeling of togetherness, of understanding a friend that closely. I somehow missed the couple in the mineshaft (next playthough, ill find you v_v ). Despite the harshness of life in the Eusan nation (especially for the gestalts) the characters in it are defined by their feelings of belonging and hope. With the obvious parallels to east germany, i think of posters of cosmonauts and space travel from the time. Propaganda, sure but also made with the genuine belief in something greater. When the events of the game take this away, well, we find the last Kolibri, whod rather lose herself than lose her [ah. Im not sure theres a word here to properly describe the relationship they embody]. Its a game defined by loneliness.

We dont lie up at night scared by some corrupted android. We arent stuck with horror at the flesh everywhere, not on its own. We lie awake thinking about Elster and Ariane’s love for each other, the horror of their decline, the futility of trying to hold on forever. Its existential horror done perfectly. It shows an ending postponed and stretched far beyond its limits, and so squarely reminds you that you do, in fact, have to die one day. You’ll break down. One day you’ll say your last words to the people you love and you wont even know you have. Ariane’s final few diaries arrive with the full force of the narrative behind it, like a spear through my heart. For the record, I got the promise ending. Im still sad. It's a game about raging desperately against an unfair ending. I might think about this game for the rest of my life. I would sincerely say its an artistic masterpiece, by the sure definition of video games as art.

I like that the story leaves a lot open and abstract. I think it makes the emotional themes takes centre stage more. And i havent had nearly enough time to sift through it and come up with my own takes, we’ll need a few more playthroughs for that. And theres so much more to say that cant go in just these few paragraphs! Signalis is a game about two girls who had to run away from everything to find someone they belonged with. The universe may be cold and bleak, but you have to try, you might just find something beautiful, even if it doesnt last forever. I think if anything, we should all have the chance to find love and happiness like that, and we shouldnt have abandon a world that doesnt work for us to do it.

[spaceagebachelormann]

hi i’m stealing this from @solutopia <3

she did colours! but i’m associating my moots with artists instead for funsies!

also i couldnt put all of y’all cause some of u i haven’t spoken to enough to have a proper opinion :( but if u wanna be in part 2 js start sending me asks and i’ll be able to quickly make observations abt u!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @juneberrie — LIZ!!! my silly pookie <3 ur so so silly and u make me feel like i can talk abt my interests without being judged or made fun of which is something my friends growing up didn’t give me, ilysm and ur artist is laufey

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @isitoversnowtvs — JAS!!! my wife <3 ur such a cutie and even if our music tastes are different i still thinks urs is really cool and unique and i love it and u sm ! ur artist is taylor swift

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @cannibalizedyke — MERE!!! my favourite frankenstein girlie <3 ur so bad at roblox /aff. but that’s okay cause ur really sweet and i love bothering u out of nowhere and u kinda remind me of lizzie hearts. ur artist is marina

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @renqiisnce — DAL!!! pookie bear ilysm. ur music taste is actually amazing and ur opinions are always so right. i’m mailing u peter criss. ur artist is kiss.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @cau-lee-flower215 — LEE!!! ajsjejendjsndn u always have the best and silliest thoughts and ur so cool and ily <3 it genuinely makes me so happy everytime we talk ur so creative! ur artist is elton john

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @lunarluvbot — CHERRY!!! ugh you /j. ur so silly and match my energy perfectly and ur so fun to talk to and u let me rant abt peter pevensie for hours at a time. ur artist is madonna

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @lunarfleur — MICK!!! i love u. ur such a nice and genuine person and so fun and interesting to talk to and i wish we were closer </3 but ilysm and ur artist is elvis presley

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @madwickedawesome — JUNO!!! my absolute favourite person to bother. ur so fucking funny and i love playing roblox with u and u shoukd dm me on discord more often. ur artist is mischa bachinski debussy.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @sluggmuffin SLUG!!! RAHHHH u have the best fulton thoughts (so does lee and mick) ajakaksjajsj. ur such a cutie patootie and we should become super bsfs do u have discord. ur artist is the beatles

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @solutopia — SOLANA!!! we dtm but ur so sweet and ur themes are always so gorgeous. ur such a beautiful person even if i don’t know what u look like and i have a lot of respect for u! ur artist is beabadoobee

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @presidentroarie — AUTUMN!!! my first mutual on tumblr! i love u sm and even when people don’t agree with u on sophitz ur so accepting of it and don’t judge them <3 i’m so glad we’re friends and i love u! ur artist is bob dylan

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @inkluvs — IVY!!! ur so pretty omg? and ur so sweet and ur fics and headcanons are amazing and even though we don’t talk a lot when we do it’s so silly and i’ll be giggling <3 ur artist is julie london!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @faerieroyal — DOLLY!!! the only person who understands my love for adam and mr hyde,, literally my older sibling figure. ur so sweet and supportive and i feel so comfortable around u!! ur artist is ella fitzgerald

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @orangelovesyou ORANGE!!! my favourite ricky artist <3 such a silly and kinda babies me a little but i don’t mind!! so nice and silly and fun to talk to <3 ur artist is lady gaga

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @homeofhyperfixations — PERSE!!! i havent talked to u in so long :( but ur so creative and so nice and i love hearing about ur ocs and their lore and love interests it’s so interesting <3 ur artist is alice in chains

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @luckynature — BELLA!!! ur so funny omg? we should talk more pookie <3 i barely know u but u remind me a lot of ocean for some reason? also tammy? idk why !! also ur artist is weezer

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @moonlarked — AUR!!! my favourite hamlet lover! all ur hamlet thoughts and opinions are always so right and cause of u i now actually understand a lot more of hamlet then i did before <3 ur artist is type o negative

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @shefollowedthestars — NOVA!!! guys nova is the sweetest person to walk this earth. everytime we talk i live in fear of someone hurting ur sweet soul in anyway because u absolutely don’t deserve that. i heavily associate u with calm vintage music so ur artist is skeeter davis

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @doyouknowwhoyouare13 — NYX!!! ur so funny ily! i kinda forgot all of our interactions cause my memory is absolute shit but i always start giggling when thinking of u cause i remember u being really funny <3 ur artist is falling in reverse

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @starstruckwillows — JESSIE!!! omg i also need to talk to u alot more? ur so cutie patootie! one of my most favourite moot writers on this app /srs. ur artist is beyoncé

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @janesociety — JANE!!! pookie u always have rlly pretty themes and i love it! ur also super super nice and amazing and fun to be around! ur artist is the smiths

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @herrscherofsentence — JADE!!! ur hyperfixations are so cool! and i love all of ur names sm and the asks u send me always make me start giggling to myself cause they’re so funny! ur artist is tv girl

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @larsgoingtomars — SOPHIE!!! i genuinely love ur shifting stories so so much. and i absolutely love talking about bowie with u and u make me feel like i can talk to u about anything without being judged which i adore! ur artist is metallica

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @sp1rit-realm — HANNAH!!! i’m ngl i used to be scared to talk to u cause u seemed rlly cool,, but i’m glad i did cause that one james thought u sent me still has me twirling my hair over him. ur artist is guns n roses

[blueiight]

This isnt even substantitive commentary 85% of this is just quoting what was written bc i need people to know this is out here.

new fent (nat reufriede)

He wasn’t surprised when she refused to answer the question this time, too. “I still don’t understand why Mein Kaiser ” — her voice was a perfect mockery of Reuenthal’s usual tone— “feels the need to uproot the whole government.” She tilted her glass, letting her drink catch the light. “If he’s looking for legitimacy, he should stay on Odin.”

“What legitimacy?” Reuenthal snapped. “What more legitimacy does he need, than what he has?”

“You’re a very stupid man, Oskar,” she said.

“Oh?”

“ Your Kaiser has the legitimacy of holding a gun to the rest of the universe’s head,” she said. “Fine. There’s no point in pretending like he doesn’t, and you claim that’s the only legitimacy you respect, anyway. But you seem to have deluded yourself into acting like He is going to live forever, and that his children won’t need to borrow some legitimacy of their own. Odin is a place used to having dynasties— I wonder if he’s about to discover that Phezzan isn’t.” COOK THAT BLONDE BRAT SHAWTY

The premise of this story being reuenthal with a beard is just tickling my feathers. The imagery of reinhard preserving the iconography of the old dynasty & reuenthal picking a beard (a symbol of agedness, of manliness) and struggling to grow it out, the beard even softening his features is soooo symbolic.

YOULL KILL YOURSELF WITHOUT MY HELP! All i need to do is see it im deaaad

She seemed almost unfamiliar with the weapon, hefting it and turning it over, though she had enough sense to keep her finger away from the safety and the trigger. Had she never fired a gun before? He was momentarily entranced by the way it dwarfed her hands. … She held up his wallet, and he realized that, at some point between the front desk and the room, she had managed to pick it out of his pocket— likely when he was distracted by her trying to undo his belt in the elevator. She went through it, pulling out the cash, then tossed it on the bed.

i am not immune to elfriede. elfriede wanting to gamble v reuenthal not liking that he cant conquer a gamble.. wowthe fact that elfriede is in a big gamble of her own tangled w fezzan + all those shady ass factors still . she loved to gamble indeed

The intent was for him to blow across her fingers and the dice, a rather feminine thing to do, but instead he took her wrist roughly and kissed her knuckles. “Oskar!”

What do i even say man.

this is the first time ive read nat’s freak shit wiaw i read up to so far be fading to black omg this really did hit like fent.

His experience with wives as a species was limited: his mother, Mittermeyer’s wife. Elfriede resembled neither. The person she most often reminded him of was Him , with the wild mane of golden hair, and the piercing, hateful look in their eyes. He didn’t think about that now.

Getting to proxy-fuck ur emperor man crush lord & master…

“A wife is meant to obey.”

“A soldier is meant to obey,” she said. “A wife—”

Even with her movement limited with his weight bearing on her shoulders, she could reach between them and grab his [word i cant say lest tumblr censor me oncecmore] She wrapped her legs around him and tried to pull him down towards her.

“A wife has her husband’s child,” she said. “Is that what you want me to say?”

[passages I cant say lest tumblr censor me once more] She reached up to touch his face, and the feeling of her hand moving through the bristles of his newly-grown beard made him feel ill. It was all wrong— the simulacrum of normality that they couldn’t even play at well.

“Yes,” he said. “That’s what I want.” Or it was what some other man wanted— someone Reuenthal should have been, but wasn’t.

THE SIMULACRUM OF NORMALITY THEY COULDNT EVEN PLAY AT WELL.

She mumbled something half-incoherent, and wholly impossible. “A real family—”

“Better than the one you had before,” Reuenthal said in reply, which managed to get a reaction out of her of some sort, clawing her hands down her back.

“Everybody wants that,” she mumbled.

And nobody gets it , he thought. “You want me to take care of it,” he said. He pressed his hand to her lower abdomen, leaning on it hard.

“Yes,” she said, her voice coming out strangely.

“Then when it’s born, I’ll have to aim higher— for its sake—” He punctuated his sentence with his movement, the white heat growing between them. He moved faster, seeking out the climax. There was only so long he could play this charade before the disgust became too overwhelming.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . Ohmygod. bro. nat. u have rocked my world once more.

AND WHAT SHE SAID RIGHT AFTER. HE’LL HAVE YOUR EYES. TRYNA STRANGLE HER. HER PUTTING THE GUN IN HIS MOUTH and that being what made him cum

Dont even have words.

THEN HE GOES TO REINHARD RIGHT AFTER????!!! Over the cold body of reinrein’s exwife dead husband😭😭😭. THE ROYAL WE!! rein realizing what reue came for on some level… we r two halves of the same battle hungry depraved ravenous thing

Reinhard turned towards Reuenthal at last, looked him over as if he was seeing him for the first time, and reached out his hand towards Reuenthal’s face. He didn’t touch him, but his hand hovered just close enough to his cheek that he could feel the warmth of it, the staticky charge of an almost imperceptible distance. “You shaved that awful beard you were growing.”

“I had wondered if a change would suit me, considering our move to Phezzan. It didn’t.”

“No,” Reinhard said. He dropped his hand and looked back towards the grave. “Change doesn’t suit Us, either.”

“Oh?”

“We’ll be buried here,” Reinhard said.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

All of this happened because they couldnt bother to word what they wanted to say the right way and instead of just being like yea I should have said it better sorry, I actually really like these kids of stories and it just felt rushed this time, I didnt mean to sound so rude: they went on a rant about how you're too young to understand constructive criticism and how them being a published writer somehow makes them more knowledgeable than you are and that you need to unblock them because they somehow deserve to be able to talk to you however an whenever they want.

They're also sending their friends after me now. 3 different accs that all joined Tumblr today have started attacking me in their defense. 1 of them went directly to the fic to attack me and tell me I'm immature and should have 'just blocked' as if this whole thing didn't blow up because this weirdo couldn't take the fact that they'd been Blocked, for what it was.

I Blocked them and they made the choice to continually harass me. Dedicated the time to write a rant the size of a small oneshot even, and then went through the effort of posting it like it was actually a fic.

And my initial post didn't even name them. I didn't keep their name or profile pic in the screenshot cuz originally, I was ranting about annoying ass reviewers and their stupid habits or complaining about things they can avoid if they just choose to not read. It was them who decided to escalate this. I have always kept track of people when they harass me because I need the proof for when I eventually report them. AO3 takes reports very seriously and the more proof the better.

I've had to do this before and it's tiring to do so, but I do it every time.

This random stranger acting like they've been attacked but no one who has been following along has gone to their fics to harass them at all. I haven't gone to their fics. In fact, MY fic is the one this is all happening on. Them sending in their friends and then crying about how they've been put through so much this weekend? No one held a gun to their head and told them to do all this weird shit.

Because it is weird. They remind me of the creep who used to try to find new and interesting ways to sexually harass me in my own neighborhood. I took different routes to avoid seeing him, but he somehow made it his life's mission to not let it get in his way of being right where I was going as I was walking home from school. And then he'd follow me.

Going out of one's way to ignore the hard boundaries another person has set up, whether you think it is fair for those boundaries to be there or not, is creepy.

[m0e-ru]

HI dumb silly liveblog im putting into tumblr post format from a year ago. P4GA vol 4 drama cd "Boo ~ I bear a grudge on you ~" featuring !!! the investigation team +marie horror summer school trip adventures. dojima and adachi at the pub. naoto getting scared to death again.

i am not fluent in JP and i just did this for fun the best i can i hope you can comprehend it at least. here's where i listened to it !!! please listen to it it has all the audio cues and context and it's part of the experience !! it's really fun

September 27, 2021

10:17 PM

synopsis: the IT is trying out summer activities with marie :)

the track: /kids screaming yelling/ /adachi at the pub/ /kids screaming and yelling/

10:18 PM

i mean it also did say 'a test of courage' so i get why'd they be scaring each other but why does golden always love to pick on naoto

10:21 PM

narukami going 'yosuke....goochab (good job)' was cute actually

10:30 PM

from what i can comprehend so far, the IT's on summer break and want more stuff to do and decide to have this 'test of courage' by hanging around yasogami in the middle of the night with marie

they all pull straws and walk around in pairs depending who they pull and theyre narukami and marie, yosuke and rise, kanji and yukiko, then teddie and chie

10:30 PM

i dont wanna rewind rn but yosukes like 'haha im with risette im gonna scare her in revenge (of something, i couldnt catch it)' but shes being a girlboss and sharing her own horror story of something that happened in a film set and yosuke's like '(we are walking in the dark hallways of this school) ths is fine im a brave boy totally haha'

10:32 PM

their segment ended off with 'aww senpai but it's toootally real !!' and wind wooshing and thumping noises scare yosuke and rise's just 'oh thats just the windows. haha hanamura-senpai's a scaredy cat' and all he could do was laugh nervously

10:32 PM

oh tebbi footsteps

10:34 PM

oh he uses watashi?my little mascot bear i never noticed from all the third person or this is a golden thing

10:36 PM

i... couldnt understand what happened. teddie's paired with chie but he was busy scaring each other like 'wh...what if this happens' and chie's like 'omgg!!!stop!!!!' then something scared the two but all i could understand were zipper sounds and punching

10:53 PM

okok so it's dojima and adachi at the pub with dojima already a bit woozy and adachi sober for the sake of keeping his boss in check and we get some mamasan interaction!! (mama-san is what you call the lady bartender at the pub)

anywho, dojima's complaining about naoto being 'prodigy detective' and 'the kubo kid' and almost smacking the soul out of adachi's body while adachi responds like a good subordinate listening to his boss' drunken complaining

it's concerning to know that he made his own cup (mug?) overflow with adachi's concerning 'dojimasan--stop, stop!' and even reminding him about...nanako

keeping him together with the thought of his daughter and hes like 'nanako....' while adachi gets a call about how dojima's doing and while acting in disbelief that his boss going off again when accused and he gets hung up on and he just finds dojima asleep and. yeah.

look, i also forget adachi and dojima's dynamic whether adachi's genuine or not, dojima is right to be grateful for his company woww a pair of besties if i see one

10:54 PM

im only halfway through this disc and i havent even heard marie for the second time but i know she screams

10:55 PM

omg it's kanji and yukiko ohhh she sounds so excited like 'ohh creepy dark hallways this is so fun dont u think so my dear kouhai'

10:55 PM

'whether it'd be a monster or a Shadow i'll fight it' hi kanji

11:00 PM

ohh my vocab is failing me but some lovey dovey dialogue is going down and kanji's misunderstanding it but yukiko's like 'i love.,.,.,.,scary things (I THINK)'

they enter a room and yukiko's like 🗿 and kanji's like 'senpai¿?' and yukiko's like 'ok yeah whatever——OH PIANO' and she plays a few keys sounding creepy something something midnight something something

kanji keeps talking and yukiko just slams on the piano and goes 'kanji.....kanji....!' and she laughs over some pun i couldnt understand

11:04 PM

ok yukiko keeps laughing over the piano and banging on the keys and kanji's 'what if satonaka senpai and the others hear this' and yukiko goes all monotone again like 'you hear that' it;s footsteps

and she slides open the door and kanji's like 'wtf amagi senpai' and she sprints out and he chases after her 'SENPAI????'

11:06 PM

omg,.,.., mari,.,...,.,.,.,narukami asks 'are you scared?' and she's like 'whats a scared?' like her usual genuine unknowingness

11:09 PM

ohh thats so cute narukami's like 'watch this' and in yosuke and rise pov does yosuke get a call from him and rise's like 'yusenpai???!!!' as usual but all he does is breathe into the phone all creepily and while theyre distracted marie sneaks up on them and goes 'boo' and the two lose their minds screaming jskdfasfgwyefgasf

11:10 PM

narukami: so how was it, marie?

marie: it was...fun

narukami: right?

yosuke: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "RIGHT"???

11:11 PM

SHE WANTS TO DO IT AGAIN OOOOHH.,..,.,.,.,MARI HORROR GIRL SUMMER

11:16 PM

from what i can understand it's like chie hid into teddie's costume along with him and hes just having a hard time moving around. hes the only one who can see though and these two are a bunch of scaredy cats (bears) where teddie's like 'theres a-a-a g-g-g-guy'

11:19 PM

before marie finishes her creepy chant, chie loses it and starts kicking and punching inside the costume screaming, but once she unzips it shes like 'YOU GUYS?????'

then narukami's like 'do you hear the other disembodied voice next to you' and teddie's just Dead and while chie's apologizing hes like 'ahh..sharing chie-chan's warmth was such an experience.,.,. i thought i could see the light (from almost dying??????)'

11:22 PM

it's kanji trying to look for yukiko like 'amagi senpaaaaai where are youuuuuu' and marie tries to scare him and he's like 'oaugh. u n senpai tryin to scare me?' and marie's like 'aw geez, old timer' 'im NOT old'

11:22 PM

seven more minutes to this

11:28 PM

kanji goes 'so have you seen amagi senpai?' and narukami immediately tells everyone else 'new goal (idk what the initial one was) let's look for amagi' and oHHHH marie

shes running with the IT and shes like 'im making a memory...my heart feels....' AND THE V ROOM MUSIC BOX STARTS PLAYING AND SHE STARTS MAKING A POEM ON THE SPOT OHHH,.,.,I LOVE HERSO MUCHH

something something kami, shinigami, any god out there, heart something something "forever dreamer" AAAUAUGHGHGHGHG....

and narukami's talking about yukiko totally unrelated to marie, to which she snaps back into reality tsundere screaming 'NOOO NAAHH I WASNT WRITING ANYTHING NOO STUPIDIDIOTIHATEYOU'

11:32 PM

ohh wait they split up lmao so marie's alone and she just heard narukami in her head. anyway theres no one around and she heard something and shes like 'ANYONE?? DOES ANYONE HEAR ME??' and it cuts to narukami, who kanji followed, finding yukiko and hearing marie yelling

theres a weak exhale, as if the person's dead, and kanji's like 'naoto¿??'

11:35 PM

back to adachi in the pub getting a call about naoto and hes like 'yeah yeah yup yup i got it' ending the call he does his usual 'everything's such a pain' then dojima's heard snoring. adachi asks for beer and ponzu and mamasan talks up and goes 'oh it's all a pain, you say. but it's not like you hate it all either, do you?' FUCK OFF

11:38 PM

golden loves bullying naoto huh like the golden anime christmas special wasnt enough

11:43 PM

anyway, new scene where the IT apologize to naoto and they go on a fit with stuff like 'why are you here??? you couldve damaged schoool property????youre all idiots!!!' and something about being at yasogami because of uhh,., adachi?

WAIT SO 'shin-chan' FROM THE FIRST CALL WAS REAL??? SHIROGANEKUN.,.,.,,.,.,.brb strangling adachi for a bit

then a loony cartoon sfx and we're into naoto's pov flashback where they kept running into the IT and accidentally scaring each other starting from yukiko banging on the piano and laughing, being the first one to scare chie and teddie,

and ultimately running away to be where marie is after they split up to find yukiko. from how naoto perceived it, she recites her poem rather,.,.,.,ghoulishly and finally they drop dead on the spot, which was the thump marie heard

11:46 PM

loony cartoon sfx plays again and the flashback is over and rise's like 'aww but all that matters is that youre fine!' and naoto's still in a daze back to yelling 'NO, SCHOOL IS A PLACE TO STUDY AND YOURE ALL MORONS' and the fun time montage plays and fin

11:51 PM

ok thats it for my sucky tl liveblog oh wait heres the thing https://youtu.be/PasKTZtKx

[solsticeof-thewinter]

as I write the last piece of this letter to you, it stands that I'm still very much in love with you, I don't think those feelings for you could ever waver as hard as I try, and believe me I have.. nobody captures me the way that you do, nobody has ever made me feel the way that you do. I don't know when my heart and mind decided that you were my favorite person for everything but you are, there's no one I'd rather be doing the simplest things with than with you, down to our little phone calls..

I never told you this but one evening I had dinner with an old friend to catch up after so long, and while we were about to eat I subconsciously tore my straw and blew the paper at them and as soon as I did that, and as I looked up to them, my heart completely sank.. simply because it wasn't you.. and that feeling and mind set would follow me for a lot of things and at some point I just knew where I stood with how I felt about you, how I will always feel. sometimes I feel crazy but I just know im a heart broken man who lost the love of his wife, his future..sometimes I feel like I'm crazy for thinking about certain things but then you remind me that you still love and care about me and your heart opens up and for a split second I can see that you still think about me, about us, all the what ifs.. and then I feel crazy for holding onto to that but then I remember just exactly what you mean to me, hell I'd take take your hands and take you anywhere you wanted to go in this world if you asked me to escape with you.. Elizabeth you mean everything to me and I'd be an idiot to miss any opportunity with you, it's why I cherish every little minute I can get with you..

and as much as i dont want to think about it..If there is no us and i really am delusional..then i really hope that maybe one day I'll comfortably move on, even if it meant waiting for what seems like a life time just like how I waited for you to come into my life. hopefully I'll find somebody that will love me the way that you did, someone who will write to me the way that you did, and someone who will accept , listen, and understand me for who i am..the way that you did.. but I know there's a journey in no matter what path comes my way, I still deal with so much inside me, so many things I've repressed, so many unspoken words and feelings, it took being on my own to just face all of those things head on and to really understand everything especially myself and I just knew I needed to do what I could to just heal, heal from everything that's happened to me in the past year..

which is to say the point of this letter is to tell you that I have been writing, writing from the deepest parts of me, and well I knew I'd never get the time I really wanted with you so I thought id meet myself half way which if I couldnt speak these words to you then hopefully you'd take time to read them.

March-26, on tumblr, is the home of all these words, and again as it stands, I know that I will never stop loving you my darling, but what could I do for myself is to just face all those things that have been tearing away at me and maybe this way I can finally find some sort of peace within myself.. and as I've said before, losing you was the most devastating thing to have ever happened to me, it Shattered me and threw me out amongst the stars and lately I've done a lot to fix myself and to just make myself okay, to make myself accept my loneliness and this new path that I'm on.

I'll always love you Elizabeth, my doors will always be open for you and you will always be able to find a home in me and if I still have a chance please know I will not hesitate to take you back into my arms, you'll always be favorite gal, my sweetie.. you tell me so much about what's going on in your life and what might happen and my biggest fear is that at some point you'll decide that I have no place in it.. so whatever may or may not happen, I guess this is my attempt to just prepare myself for anything before I end up in this constant loop and never truly healing, because if at some point you really do intend to say goodbye to me one day.. then i need to protect myself, yes it will kill me from the inside out to live a life without you in it, but maybe it will hurt a little less.. so here I go, writing these words, thoughts, and feelings to the person it matters the most, you..

[sociallyawkward--fics]

hi xy time for what is becoming my annual checkin! how are u! i feel like since its been abt a year i have to infodump abt all my character development hold on i'll speedrun it. my pronouns r it/its zhey/zhem or (less preferred) they/them. and i have settled on those. it/its is the only one thats ever given me gender euphoria, took 4 years but i got there. ummm realized i have autism (undiagnosed). love the stimming and the being insane abt fictional characters the rest isnt that great. got anxiety meds!!!!! oh my god xy!!!! life is so good now antidepressants r a girls best friend. also. hold on ur never gonna believe this. i have adhd meds now. the crowd goes wild. was like yea doc idk i just think the anxiety meds r not improving my ability to focus what was that u said abt adhd^__^ n she was like hmmmm ok i cant diagnose u but i can give u this adderall u dont need a diagnosis for n if its like glory hallelujah we'll just assume u have it and GLORY HALLELUJAH. ive cleaned my room like more times in the past few months than i have my entire life im WINNING. i cant rly feel if its working but i'll sit down to write or smth n i wont get distracted every 5 seconds n the mental block that keeps me from doing things is gone!!!!! life changing stuff just wish i had it before my grades fuckin woooo splat. um my gpa is 2.2 weighted im like. ok well now that i have adhd meds im working on it -H (i feel like. ok i think tumblr made it so ur asks can be longer but fuck all those liberals n their woke agenda (joke) i am all abt tradition babey i'll be back for a pt 2 rq)

ummm rly into books love books. "thats old news h everyone knows that" but like im being wonderfully unnormal abt them<3 there was this one series the ascendance trilogy n i was fucking OBSESSED w it when i was younger n i learned there was a 4th n 5th book recently so like. the trilogy thing was a fuckin lie. but i obviously had to reread the series so i could read the new books n im still so obsessed w the series its so banger for a middlegrade series. got so unnormal abt it i made a 7hr playlist for the main character bc everyone elses sucked so much ass i just had to. still in the process of rereading but yeah. also theres this OTHER series the raven cycle i read recently n im also obsessed w that these series r all like my ideal books they hit all my favorite tropes. yeah just being rly unnormal abt books thats my current obsession. also. drawing. im so good at it u wouldnt believe. next fuckin van gogh right here. n honestly i dont even care abt going off anon it just bothers me bc my ROUTINE. the TRADITION. its just not the same. but i'll go off it just for u to show u some of my banger art. at a stage where im pretty frustrated at my limitations but that doesnt mean i cant recognize that im fucking awesome ok hold on again -H but yea ok to finish up what have u been up to! tempted to just ask what shows/game/etc uve been into but also i am exerting a little of my brain power to realize some ppls lives dont revolve around those. so just liek what have u been spending a lot of time doing. how is writing going! wait what r ur drawing skills just out of curiosity draw smth for me (if ur comfy ofc n dw i completely understand if it fuckin sucks taht was me just over a year ago) -H (when i was younger i used to think that ppl couldnt be good at writing n drawing they had to choose one. exerted my baby brain power to be like. it takes too long to get good at them u can only do one. then saw a book w the cover art credited to the author n i was like woahhh this is fuckin crazy living my younger selfs pipe dream)

----------

The way I have had a reminder on my phone to answer these asks for MONTHS but my executive function has been GARBAGE i am so sorry my friend it was not intentional to leave this sitting for so long i am so sorry!!! (also between the two of us this got Long so i am putting a read more so i don't take up a big block of people's dash in my return from the dead lol)

thank you for pronouns update! congrats on meds!! i gotta get me some of those so i can Detroit: Become Functional lol. I am rooting for you with your GPA!!! Also lol, love that we are following tradition of multiple asks still even with the tumblr updates letting asks be way longer now lol, it is just Familiar To Us

I will have to look into the ascendance trilogy!! My sibling is also obsessed with the raven cycle, but i have not read it yet (still debating if i want to or not, have been for YEARS lol, because i keep hearing "author problematic" and then never remember Why because i have Goldfish Memory). I will not post your off-anon ask with the artwork unless you want me to (want you to feel comfy on the blog and sending asks and I know you prefer anon!), but i will say that your art is AWESOME, my friend!! you are SO good and you're only going to keep getting better! I am glad you enjoy it!

Also bestie. This is a neurodivergent space lol, my life also revolves around shows/games/books/etc. they are the only thing that make the monotony of life and job-having under a neurotypical capitalistic society bearable lol. I actually have been getting back into reading ACTUAL BOOKS lately which feels GREAT (because reading Actual Books when i am so tired and Non-Functioning all the time is Hard lol), i am finally going through my seemingly-endless TBR and also have reread some old faves this year. Games-wise, the only thing i ever think about is still the Dragon Age games, Alistair is the love and light of my life lol. Show-wise.... i am in Limbo because of the Exhaustion, tragically, and also just waiting on new seasons (OFMD). Witcher has a new season out, but i have not watched it yet because Energy and also i have no motivation to because the last season they put out was so bad (even if i hear this one is good, i have lost trust lol)

Writing is. Not quite going lol. I have not finished a fanfic in ages, and also have made little to no progress on any of my original work attempts either, tragically. Hopefully things look up for me soon cuz I wanna get stuff DONE again lol, this blog has become so quiet and near obsolete because i cannot FINISH anything and it is TRAGIC.

Also, I have little-to-no drawing skills, but I also unfortunately do not have much energy to apply to drawing you a picture atm :(( maybe someday. Sometimes I can draw something that makes me go "omg i am not Awful, maybe I could actually put thoughts and energy into learning this as a skill" and other times it is like "i will never put pencil to paper (or stylus to screen) ever again" lol. Maybe someday when i am doing Better again i will hopefully have the energy to draw you something!!

[piningeddiediaz]

Ohh you also like rwrb? What do you like about the 2 idiots in love 🥰 I personaly thought some things in the book are way too gringe and random or exagerated but I loved the characters and the story of A and H 💘

like? oh boy like doesn’t even cut what i feel for this book. you should have seen me a year ago - this tumblr was practically a shrine to rwrb. i could write a thesis on how much i love that book.

and i could say a lot of profound things about the writing style etc etc but the truth is i was in a really bad place when i first read it and it got me out of a hole i couldnt climb out of. more than once. it’s my go to book when im sad, i’ve read it so many times i have most of it memorised.

and it’s nothing to do with the story - you’re right some of it is quite cheesy and exaggerated (though i think thats part of the charm! casey mcquiston takes every trope under the sun but somehow does it better) - it’s about alex and henry. about their relationship. before reading rwrb i was a very firm believer in fate and destiny and soulmates. i was (still am) a hopeless romantic who believed in love at first sight and rose petals and violins when you meet The One. and tho pynch had already kind of introduced me to the idea, it wasnt until i read rwrb that i really understood that love is a choice that you make, and The One isn’t just someone you randomly bump into at a coffee shop or whatever. the person who chooses you, keeps choosing you no matter how hard it is? thats The One. for me, love is choosing to stay. at the time i read rwrb, that message was something that i really needed to hear. it’s just such a feel-good book ukno? it’s got its sad moments but it’s so hopeful! and alex is my spirit animal - my friend convinced me to read rwrb by telling me she found the male version of me and she is absolutely right! and henry is the kind of person i want. in a lot of ways, firstprince kind of reminds me of pynch in that once they realise and admit their feelings for each other its an upward curve. despite the setbacks, they help each other grow. they understand each other’s interests, passions, desires and dreams and not only do they accept it, but they actively encourage it. henry understands alex’s dreams of being in congress and tho he himself wishes for a life outside the limelight and doesnt really understand why alex would want to be the subject of so much scrutiny in the first place, he is nothing but supportive. not in the resigned ‘i guess i’ll suck this up for you’ way, but because it is a part of alex and he loves him which includes loving his dreams. because he understands alex’s reasons, and he loves him for it. that is so so important to me, that’s what i want. rwrb was a big neon sign saying DON’T SETTLE.

[rqsie]

bts fanfic recommendations.

(hiiii, these are my favorite fics ever. i highly recommend all of them. btw these are all manxwoman bc i dont really read manxman

btwww i couldnt tag all accounts cuz for some annoying ass reason tumblr only lets u tag 50 accounts.... sorry)

kim seokjin:

dont wanna fall (m) by @9uk

sugar daddy!seokjin

love bite (m) by @taetaesbaebaepsae

vampire!y/n

these wicked delights (m) by @ditzymax

incubus!seokjin

the leather loafers by @jimlingss

cinderella au (cinderella aus are superior and ofc jimlingss is a queen. everything she writes is a 10/10)

min yoongi:

heaven’s winter (m) by @matchakoo

seraph!yoongi

2.1 out of 5.0 (m) by @minflix

black mirror au

mixtape (m) by @jungblue

baby, you can drive my car (m) by @jungshookz

mechanic!yoongi

jung hoseok:

heartbeat (m) by @joonbird

gang au (i LOVEE heartbeat so much. everybody should read it, its so good)

the worst wonderful time of the year by @lamourche

christmas au, office au

my soul to reap (m) by @readyplayerhobi

reaper!hoseok, harpy!y/n

the purge by @jungblue

purge au

distractions (m) by @dreamscript

may the odds ever be in your favor (m) by @yandearest

hunger games au, yandere!hoseok

hot rod (m) @kinktae

greaser!hoseok (yes i think its the best of all of the rewind fics. sorry bitchin' stans 😴)

kim namjoon:

a taste of heaven (m) by @joonited

(read this NOW!! its really short anyway)

runaways (m) by @littlemisskookie

nerd!namjoon (yall read all the warnings first cuz its honestly kinda fucked up 😳)

thrills found on solid ground (m) by @bibbykins

soft yandere!namjoon (even though its a yandere au its really really soft yandere, i could hardly tell tbh, and its literally so good)

castaways (m) by @rmnamjoons

desert island au (this took me so long to read but definitely worth it)

wrap it up (m) by @1997jk

the dragons lair (m) by @solastia

hybrid!namjoon

park jimin:

otherworldly (m) by @sinning-on-a-sunday

coraline au, yandere!jimin (coraline and jimin. it doesnt get better than that me thinks)

ragdoll (m) by @ausblack

hybrid!jimin

i love you by @seokjinchuriki

vampire!jimin (GUYSSS,,,,, this one is so short but fuck i love it so much.... 😭😭 i would die for vampire jimin)

chained to you (m) by @addicktjimin

fuckboy!jimin

peaches & piercings (m) by @matchakoo

cheerleader!y/n, punk!jimin

kim taehyung:

stuck with you (m) by @jungshookz

roommates au (i think the best thing about all this fic are the drabbles. they really make her characters feel so alive)

tempting (m) by @kinktae

demon!taehyung (again literally everything this queen writes is amazing!!!!!!! but im not afraid to admit that i think tempting is her best work 😌)

pretty kitten (m) by @sweetheartjeongguk

hybrid au, camgirl!y/n

worshippers of the sky by @jimlingss

greek goddess!y/n (my second favorite series ever i think. i deadass cried at the end of the last chapter purly because it was over and loved it so much)

dont ask, dont tell (m) by @jingabitch

hybrid!taehyung

the seven seas (m) by @readyplayerhobi

atlantis au

forbidden by @namjoonbby1

try my luck (m) by @drquinzelharleen

teacher!taehyung

jeon jungkook:

secrets of silk (m) by @nochugguk

camboy!jungkook

by its cover (m) by @gimmesumsuga

the devil’s change up (m) @jungblue

baseball player!jungkook

raising demons (m) by @jeonseok

demon!jungkook

énouement (m) by @littlemisskookie

mulan au

gold rush (m) by @nochugguk

track runner!jungkook (i literally was obsessed with this fic, i have read it sooo many times)

streamy (m) by @jungkookiebus

angel in darkness (m) by @icyhobi

mafia au, prostitution au

new romantics by @cupofteaguk

hogwarts au (if you like hogwarts aus,, this is a must read)

hunting a hybrid (m) by @btswrckd

hybrid!jungkook

under the moonlight (m) by @katobobato

werewolf!jungkook

the sea & the storm (m) by @jamaisjoons

sea spirit!y/n (this one is also really good, but i especially loved the ending. it deadass made me so happy)

shimmers by @boywivlove

hogwarts au

finding beauty in your darkest places (m) by @dreamingofkoo

mental clinic au

what happened in vegas (m) by @namjoonbby1

stripper!y/n

offside (m) by @daddychims

soccer player!jungkook (omg i only just realized that this is on tumblr too. ive always read it on ao3 cuz i didnt know it was on here. but im happy i can add it cuz its one of my fave fics ever and i always recommend it to my friends)

quarter quell by @chinkbihh

hunger games au, yandere!jungkook (omg someone else reminded me of this fic. and like thank u,,, cuz i literally forgot it existed. but i remember reading the first part and being in love with it so i read part 2 and now i love it even more 🥳 i highly recommend and im really existed for part 3. also everything on this account is a gem for yandere!bts fans)

jimin + taehyung:

baby, baby (m) by @hobiwonder

surrogacy au (i really love this one. especially jimin, he is so cute)

namjoon + seokjin:

zodiac (m) by @honeymoonjin

(i honestly dont even know how to discribe this one but its like soooo good.

hoseok + namjoon:

for the crown @seokoloqy

royality au (its an interactive which is so cool tbh)

ot7:

enjoy your stay (m) by @honeymoonjin

hotel!au (its been a while since i read this one but i did really enjoy it. i just really love hotel type aus for some reason)

armed to the fangs (m) by @jingabitch

vampire!bts, hunter!y/n (i actually really like how slowburn it is. im getting so tired of fics where y/n is like “i hate you guys,,, im not easy like other girls” and then jumps on their dick the next chapter lmao. but yes,,, this one is really good)

men on the 13th floor (m) by @khyunni

hotel au, ghost au (i love this one so much)

the iris hotel by @sugakookiecrumble

hotel au, horror au (again,,,, i really like hotel aus)

catalyst (m) by @untilspringdays

mafia au

oasis by @secret-kpoplibrary

hybrid!bts (yall this fic is so cute. i always reread when i want something fluffy)

all is fair in love & war by @smoljamswrites

mafia au

undecided by @nomimits7

detective au (i really love these type of aus!!)

thesis it by @xherxx

roommates au (this fic has a special place in my heart cuz i remember loving it so much that i stayed up the whole night to read it and skipped school the next day cuz i was too tired. good times)

moth to flame (m) by @bang-to-the-tan

vampire!bts (not to be controversial lol but im my opinion this is the best smut. its just sooo good lmfao. also vampire bts 😋 what else could u want)

ethereal orbit (m) by @miamorjoon

alien au (saving the best for last ofc. seriously i think ethereal orbit is my favorite fic ever. i just love it so much. also yall don’t understand how whipped i am for eo namjoon and jungkook. theyre the best. you have to read this one)

anyway thats all for now. i might update it later. i hope this helps u find new pics. btw sorry for the lack of yoongi and seokjin,,, 💔😾

[surviving---not---living]

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

[sereniv]

Something we have to recognize and I do thank a non vegan for making me realize this, or rather made it stick; is that no matter what the definition of veganism is, no matter who is or who isnt whom say they are vegan, no matter what we do- what really matters is the affect it has What people dont seem to remember, is a vegan who used to be on tumblr and very prominent in the community, used to say that if you work at fast food restaurants you aren't vegan, and that all slaughterhouse workers should die. Obviously, by definition this person wouldnt be vegan because they are essentially saying that it doesnt matter your situation, you do what they feel is right, or else youre bad. But it doesn't matter if they were vegan. it matters that they called themselves vegan. That others like them called themselves vegan. So when people say that they dont believe us about the definiton, or that it doesnt matter, they are right. And people need to be more sympathetic towards that, or at least understand this point of view Because when it was brought up to me like, i couldnt just say no you didnt experience this, and it just reminded me that my experiences and your experiences and everyones experiences are different Profound i know. But sometimes you can get caught up with something and things can get more black and white. ESPECIALLY here on Tumblr (and twitter) So idk just remember that when you are talking to someone, recognize that defensiveness MEANS something. That other peoples experiences arent always lies. Take things at face value, because there is no way to prove when they lie, unless of course its with actual data. Just ask people "What are your concerns with Veganism? What are your experiences?" Because that SHOULD matter to us. Not just getting info out, but like communicating with another human being And alot of people already do this but , its just easy to see something or learn something and get angry and get blinded. I know that i jump the gun, too many times, where then i learn the person just read something wrong. So yeah

[bridgyrose]

I’m in a Christmasy mood. How about a “it’s a wonderful life” inspired au?

This one is a bit longer, so its going to have a read more so Im not making a huge ass post on everyone's tumblr

Ruby sighed as she looked out to Atlas, the city burning as grimm flooded the streets, reminding her of what happened at Beacon. She got up and started walking back to her friends, their plan to take down the whale not going as planned. Everything had gone wrong. Her trying to use her eyes, Winter taking the bomb into the creature, Yang going off alone to find Oscar… the whole thing was a mess. She tended to the wounds of her friends, shaking slightly. “None of this would’ve happened if I wasnt a silver eyed warrior…”

“Is that what you really think?”

Ruby quickly drew her scythe, looking around. “Who said that?” 

A woman with brown hair appeared in front of her, smiling. “Do you really think your life would be better without your silver eyes?” 

“Who are you?” 

The woman walked closer. “My name is Amber. And I’m here to show you what would’ve happened had you not had your silver eyes.” 

Ruby put her scythe away. “And how, exactly, are you going to show that to me?” 

Amber approached Ruby and put a hand on her shoulder, using a gift of the gods to show Ruby what could’ve been. 

Ruby felt a bit disoriented as everything shifted around them, the city of Atlas changing to Vale, back to the dust robbery she stopped. She looked around, hesitating for a moment. “Why are we here? I stopped this from happening.” 

“You did, when you had silver eyes. Instead, now that you dont…”

Ruby watched as her own visage was tossed through a window, struggling to keep hold of her own weapon as a few thugs all jumped her. 

“Your uncle didnt teach you how to fight. Your father tried to keep you from being a huntress. But you still wanted to be one, teaching yourself and trying to prove yourself. You ended up here one night and once the robbery started, you tried to teach them a lesson, instead learning one yourself.” Amber waved her hand, forwarding to the aftermath of the fight. 

Ruby watched as her old home appeared, watching herself struggle to get inside, wheelchair bound with a broken leg and arm. “So I didnt get into Beacon. That still doesnt change much-”

“But it changed everything.” 

Ruby watched as clouds of mist swirled around them, bringing them to Beacon. She watched as Yang, Blake, and Weiss were still on a team together, along with Jaune. 

Amber sighed. “This team was never functional without you. Weiss ended up being the leader, mocking faunus for who they were. Blake will eventually get tired of it and run away. Jaune and Yang will try to get Weiss to go find her, but she’ll insist they’re better off without her.” She waved her hand again, forwarding through the events until they saw the docks. “When Blake ran to try to prove her own innocence, things took a turn for the worse. Without you meeting Penny and making friends with her, the White Fang outnumbered her and Sun.” 

Ruby watched helplessly as Blake and Sun were beat and left for dead by the sheer numbers of White Fang. As the cops arrived, they took Blake and Sun into custody, arresting them for trying to steal dust. “But they were innocent. Why dont they see that?” 

“Without you, Penny, Weiss and Yang showing up, many of the White Fang got away, helping those that couldnt and leaving Blake and Sun to take the blame for the gunfire and the missing dust.”

“But then… that means they would get expelled, right?”

“They’ll get lucky and Ozpin will vouch for them being hunters in training. But this breaks Blake. She will never learn to trust her team, going after the White Fang alone and ultimately putting herself in danger.” 

Ruby sighed and looked away. “O-okay, so things dont end up going well for Blake. What about Weiss? I’m sure she’s happier without me.” 

Amber moved them along to the Fall of Beacon. “Through the school year, Weiss stays bitter and angry, blaming Blake for everything that happened. Including when Beacon fell.”

Ruby watched her school burn again, but this time, things were different. More students laid dead from the grimm that started overwhelming them. More grimm poured through Vale, the Breach never happened, allowing grimm to pour in right into the heart of Vale, destroying everything and rushing up to the school. The wyvern grimm could be seen flying high above, raining more goo down and creating more grimm. 

Amber started walking forward, showing Ruby Weiss. “When the fall of Beacon happened, Weiss stayed for as long as she could to defend the school Right up until her father dragged her home.” She waved her hand again, showing Weiss in her bedroom at home, bottles of wine laying near her. “She did her best to try to keep her father from getting under her skin, doing what it took for her to be the best heiress she could be for her company. Unfortunately, it wasnt enough for her. Without anyone to lean on, without friends who cared about her that she could think about, the stress became too much. It didnt take long for her to start following in her mother’s footsteps.” 

Ruby slowly walked up to Weiss, watching her. “But.. she had her team-” 

“She never did.” 

Ruby hesitated for a moment. “But Yang and Jaune. They would’ve tried to help her, right? They could’ve kept her from going down this path.” 

Amber slowly shook her head. “They tried. And they failed.”

“She could’ve gone to Atlas Academy. That was always an option for her.” 

“And her father wouldnt hear it. Even Ironwood’s influence couldnt help her.” 

Ruby sighed. “O-okay, what about JNPR. T-they were better off, right?” 

Amber smirked a bit and showed Shade Academy to Ruby. 

Ruby hesitated for a moment, trying to put the pieces together. “I… I dont understand. Why would they come here?”

“Without you, they didnt have the conviction to go after Cinder. They stuck around Beacon for a while, trying to help with the clean up. Once it became clear what they were doing wasnt making a difference, they made their way to Shade with CFVY. Which reminds me…” The visage of Shade disappeared, showing the ruins of Haven. 

Ruby stood there, eyes wide at what she was seeing. “Haven… it’s all gone... “ 

“Since you never brought anyone to Haven, the White Fang succeeded in destroying it.” 

Ruby thought for a moment. “But Blake came around last time with other faunus from Menagerie. What happened to them?”

Amber sighed. “A-are you sure you really want to see this?” 

“I have to know what prevented Blake! That cant be my fault!” 

Amber waved her hand once more, showing Blake with Adam, donning the White Fang gear again. “As I said before, she learned not to trust humans. When she went off on her own to try to stop the white fang, things didnt go as they did before. Adam threatened her family and gave her a choice: join him again, or watch her family suffer because of her. With no one else to turn to, she chose to join up with Adam once more, being with the White Fang again. She led the White Fang’s assault on Haven, making sure nothing was left standing.” 

Ruby took a few deep breaths, taking everything. “So… without me… Weiss and Blake both fell back into their old lives? But… I couldn’t have made that much of a difference on them. What about Yang? Surely things ended up differently with her.”

Amber made one last gesture, taking Ruby to the Branwen tribe. 

Ruby walked around, looking for Yang, stopping when she found her. “No…” 

“I’m afraid so.” Amber walked up behind Ruby. “Raven told her about everything that was going to happen during the fall of Beacon. Yang didnt believe her at first. But after everything happened, after losing her team and believing Blake to be dead, she went off to find Raven to join her tribe.” 

Ruby sighed and sat down. “All of my friends, my team…”

Amber put a hand on Ruby’s shoulder. “And now for one last thing for you to see.” 

Ruby was about to ask until her vision went black. When she opened her eyes, she saw her own reflection staring back at her in the mirror. She hesitated for a moment once she saw blue eyes staring back at her. She took a moment to walk around the dark house, hearing her dad down stairs. She rushed down to him, stopping for a moment. “D-dad?”

Tai turned to look at her, clearly broken up about Yang leaving. “Oh, Ruby… it’s just you.” 

Ruby slowly walked to him and hugged him. “Are you okay?”

Tai hugged her back. “I’m fine sweetie. I was thinking about Yang and hoping she was okay.” 

“W-we could go after her-” 

“No. You’re going to stay right here. I’m not going to lose you too. I’ve already lost your mother, Yang, and Raven. I refuse to let you go.”

Ruby hesitated. “I… I can fight-”

“I said no. If anything, go take Zwei for a walk. But stay close. With the grimm crawling all around Vale, I cant risk you getting hurt too.” 

Ruby sighed and went to find Zwei, not believing what she was seeing. Everything just seemed… wrong. She went outside and looked up to the sky. “Okay Amber. I… I see your point. I… I want to go back now. Please.” 

Amber appeared before Ruby one last time. “Now do you see why you having silver eyes was never a bad thing? Ozpin may have only allowed you to join Beacon early because of them, but without that, you never would’ve made the impact on others as you have now.” 

“I’m… understanding that now.”

Amber smiled a bit as a flash of light appeared behind her. 

Ruby covered her eyes, feeling like she was blinded. Once the light died down, she looked around at her friends again, sighing in relief. She gently started changing Weiss’s bandages, thankful to have her team back. 

[rhapsodiesofdisposition]

I haven’t written in over two years. It seems my thoughts are muddled but here they are, dear Tumblr people. (Please tell me you missed me...or that you don’t remember me)

OPEN, NO MIC

I was seated at an open mic

A twenty something year old was screaming

About politics and slid in abuses at her mother.

She reminded me of billie eilish before i hated her, after singing about seducing people’s fathers. (Ew)

Somebody asked me how old I was

I had forgotten and so I had to remember

I haven’t changed much since I was twenty

Yes I’ve grown fatter

My hair is longer

But my voice inside my head

The consciousness within me

Has always been twenty.

Youth is overrated

I am not wishing to be young again

I’m only stating the fact that I never grew up

Inside my head

It takes one hour and four glasses of whiskey

For me to tell you my whole biography

I’ll tell you about my dysfunctional family

And the horrible things women did to me

And men? What about them?

I have hurt them more than they have me.

Yes I’ve been molested, me too.

But I can swear to you, the women I loved have done far worse to me.

I would take molestation over betrayal any day.

Acts of animalistic stupidity I fear less than calculative hypocrisy. All of the things my best friends and sisters have done to me.

Sometimes I sway my arms too wildly in public. People stare.

Why does this woman act so out of place

I hear them in their eyes

And it’s only when my eyes meet theirs

That I remember

I’m out of place

Out of my usual cage

I listen to poetry distorted but nevertheless true

From now louder, more agile voices but

Shouting monotonously into a microphone

I remember that could have been me

But when I was young I didn’t think poetry reading was cool

I saved my verses for myself and my unfortunate lovers

Because who has time for people’s criticisms and lack of understanding.

Explain this, what is that, these questions are too crass.

Now I see some college grad screaming about something I had written a decade ago

So history does repeat itself

Like a wheel that never stops spinning

On the skin of reality

Till it etches and bruises and cuts through like a knife sinking in enternally

Scathing through all our bones.

Either way...

We will all have to go and when I’m eighty I wont think of all the things I never did, all the things I never said. They say jump, dance, explore, trust. I tried all that.

I’d rather lay in bed at home and write poetry on my phone.

When I’m dead you can find these random lines thrown together and laugh at me or hail me Queen. I couldn’t care less what you think. I’d be dead.

But my phone may be dead before I am.

My mind might be dead before my phone is.

Who knows what will happen. God knows they say. But god was dead long before I was born.

All I know is what didn’t happen. I am happy for you shouting into that microphone with all seriousness. But I’m laughing on the inside because none of us can change the world. You’ll know when you’re closer to thirty. You’ll know why I didn’t come to the open mic and Make a fool of myself. You’ll know why I always stay home. You’ll know why I didn’t publish my poetry. You’ll know why yours will never make a difference to more than a handful who will also forget you.

I’ve seen all of these things. Perhaps this was just my story and I should feed you faith. But I’m selfish that way. I’d rather watch you drown. Beside me. I can hold your hand if you wish.

I never grew old but I grew in contempt.

I never grew old but I grew in insecurities.

I never grew old but I grew in doubt.

I have loved so many that have laid me naked on the streets and laughed at my innocence.

I still sway my arms wildly and hum tunes if I feel like it. They couldnt take that away from me. When strangers notice me now I think to myself that it is their blessing.

I am goddess eternity. I may not have grown old on the inside but I sure as shit have grown wiser. So bitch,

You can scream all the verses you like but there’s nothing here to win.

And the rest of you,

You can enter my house and hear my stories but I’ll never let you in.

[grlfriends]

revolutionary girl utena review

ep 1-5

the plot is actually kinda different from what I thought ?? in my mind the plot was: utena was a girl in a princess school who each and every princess would be "conquered" (for a lack of better words rn) in a ceremonial duel by a prince who fancied them, maybe she didnt wanna wanna marry anyone or she liked Anthy already but anyway in my mind utena showed up in the ceremony with duel clothing and then, in a very brave tm like-scene, she would openly declare she refused to be conquered by anyone and tbh I'm not even sure how Anthy would come into the plot... but back into what actually happened in the episodes everything so far is very introductory and just showing what mechanics will be explored further down the line I think?? the op is really good too

also every boy so far reminds me so much of knights of the zodiac?? maybe it's just the design I guess...) and nanami can get these hands, jealousy is a disease and she's the sickest person on earth for all I know

dont ask me why bit I just feel like room of mirrors - gfriend has a very well fitting vibe for it but I'm not exactly sure why hm.... 🤔🤔

ep 6-12

ok so why does this school just have random animals around 😐 I could understand the horse but a bull and a kangaroo?? what ...

touga just says the most random dramatic things and then just casually says anyone who believes in friendship is a fool ?? the guy wouldnt last a day in the naruto universe tbh, he kinda irks me in some way but I'm not sure why so I'll live with this strange feeling for a while I guess

↳ okay so watching ep 10 made me especially kinda creeped out, I know I've watched only 10 eps so far but like can he fall downstairs and break a neck or something already ...

also haha what if I watched that bet on it fmv and gave myself a bunch of spoilers would that be funny or what 😍 this is why i cant have nice things yall.... hope my memory goes to shit when sleep so I dont remember about it this week while I finish it

I feel like the main thing on the episodes are parallels, one way or another I always feel like they're setting up parallels and giving me clues for a bigger picture and a deeper plot arc that is still to come and the bet on it fmv just made this impression stronger, also I wanna say it's done in a good way, one that is both mysterious (??) and "honey you've got a big storm coming" at the same time 🤔🤔 much to think about honestly

↳ just saw ep 11 and even though I already knew this was coming sooner or later it still felt like crap seeing utena lose to dick head, at the end of the episode when he says anthy was always just reflecting utena's own wishes for himemiya (in another way bc I dont remenber the exact words) it felt like 😐 bc yes I knew that (the way she was working her thoughts was simply a copy and paste of what utena was saying) at all time I kept those essays about anthy in my head, I dont think theyll be truly relatable to what I'm seeing rn but yeah anthy rights (even though I know you betray/cheat on utena down the line bc of the bet on it fmv but I'm sure you had your own motivation)

↳ saw ep 12 bc I just couldnt handle being in a cliffhanger and yeah it happened what I absolutely thought it would lmao not that it was that difficult to foresee but yeah, I kinda liked how utena did it for her instead of being like "oh I wanna save anthy from touga" and treating her like a damsel in distress (I know that's kinda her position as the rose bride for what I've been told so far and that this is a subject spoken about in many many essays on tumblr but yeah) bc so far she's been treated as a trophy and a way to get something else, for the green haired guy it was a way to see something eternal, for miki it was a way to hold on into his "shining thing" and for touga it seems (so far) like a way to manipulate (just like he does with nanami) and just mark his position as above everyone else as he seems to view himself?? man I might be saying random stuff rn but it kinda does makes sense in my mind with the information I've had to this point

ep 13-25

honestly 😐😐 through 9 whole episodes I felt like they were trying to make the side characters deeper and show their hidden face and motivations but it felt so shallow...... not even actually shallow, just not deep enough that it would make me care about these characters and the fact there was no actual build to showing us why we're getting to know these characters backgrounds was just kinda meh too, didnt really help that all episodes had all the same formula and the same timing just for the developers made in those episodes be forgotten at the end and also just that pink haired guy could be like "ah failure again", it felt like watching the same episode over and over again, it was really tiring and like?? girl help I do not care about these characters at all, I feel like it could have been done well (like the keiko ep in comparison to the furuba chapter that deals with the yuki appreciation (??) club president graduating.... the way this ep was done and setup didn't really bring me any emotions) overall not to my taste and tbh I feel like I could have skipped all those episodes except for maybe the miki and juri one so 😑

all nanami focused episodes are the worst so far, she's so boring and I cant stand now annoying she is, the diary episode?? the cow episode?? the episode when tsuwabiki fuels with utena?? honestly I know they're trying to show me a better and different side of her but it just doesnt!! work!! bc i feel no sympathy for her, my biggest wish rn is her and touga just disappearing and no more filler episodes🗣🗣

I thought akio was utena's prince?? but apparently he's just anthy's brother and like.. I'm do done with his little talks with utena and yadda yadda, I just wanna see their duel is that too much to ask I'm dying over here (if this lenga lenga continues until ep 25 i will be so mad bc why were so many episodes wasted on such boring and and not necessary side characters backstories?? idc about them at all man aaaaaaaaaa)

↳ ep 25 was good finally we got what we deserve boys 😭😭😭😭😭 can utena just beat up akio already I'm tired of his ass, he exhales both "I'm a feminist I even take women studies classes #herstory" and "if she breathes she's a thot" energy also he has 0 style that mullet is simply horrible I bet there's a hairstylist community who considers him a criminal bc like 😐 it is simply so bad (q bit less when it's tied up but when it's all lose jesus Christ)

also touga thinks he's suuuuch a genius, sooo smart like king, I do not care about you at all can you shut the fuck up please and can we tall about the pink haired guy episode?? wack. honestly thought it would be more emotional or something, I binge watched 12 episodes with his ugly haircut face and did not even feel a thing he can choke I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ANTHY TAKING A SWORD OUT OF UTENA'S CHEST??? OSCAR WORTHY KINGS❗❗❗and then her lame ass brother being like "oh ho ho idk idk" shut up no one cares no one cares I swear to you no one cares shut uuuuup

ep 25-39

first of all, ep 25 was good but kinda reminded me of the nine episodes (13 until 21) where absolutely nothing interesting happened so I hope I'm wrong also can I just say just seeing the preview of the next episode made me roll my eyes so bad I almsot saw my brain?? bc yeah I'm fucking tired of nanami fosuced episodes she's so annoying oh my god nobody cares about a goddamn egg and much less one coming from her let her die or something pls she's so annoying there's nothing I've learned about her that was not against my own will I'm basically rotting over here 🤒

↳ ep 30 has me thinking Akio has a foot fetish or something 😐 bruh leave utena aloooooone I already know your plans and schemes you're not fooling anyone that's embarrassing for u and also... utena you're not very bright are you.... you start seeing every duelist you face with the same exact car and then when you see akio has the same car you didnt even stop to think about it that 1+1 equals 2 ... girl help yourself 😐

↳ yet again another nanami focused ep 😐😐😐😐😐 even though I do understand her better now I still don't find her particularly enjoyable to watch, call me a woman hater but like. idk she's still a bit annoying to me (but touga is straight up evil and is manipulating her so I feel bad for feeling like that tho.....)

↳ ok last 2 eps to go but listen. I thought the akio duel would have happened much sooner, maybe on ep 33 max but well didn't this age well lmao ngl, it did seem a bit too slow paced for my personal taste but also I feel like there's a certain level of drama that comes with slowing the pace down....

↳ aaaaaa yall I'm kinda 😢😭 over the ending omg........... even though it took the best of me to keep going in some parts I still enjoyed the ending aaaaa I thought i wouldnt really like it bc I just usually dont enjoy this type of ending but stil 😢😢😢😢 wait for me utena 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 girl I cried and then anthy walking in the end god utena and anthy holding hands 😭😭😭😭 akio can suck my dick

there's obviously many things I've missed or that I kinda didnt really pay attendance to so please dont take this serious, I was just writing as I watched the episodes so it's more like a thought compilation than anything, still I can see why there's many essays written about it and why it is held as a masterpiece by so many people