#this story was written right before i moved to japan for a year and a half (and this tory was POSTED retroactively from tubmlr to ao3

[therentyoupay]

“This year has been kind of wild, hasn’t it?” Anna muses much, much later that evening, well into the second round of dessert. Elsa looks up, startled by the wave of somber thoughtfulness from Anna’s side of the table. She isn’t quite sure what’s going on in her own headspace, let alone her sister’s.

“I mean,” Anna’s face crumbles, and she hides it poorly, “between me moving around so much, and finding my new job, and. You know. Dealing with Hans.”

Elsa’s fingers tighten imperceptibly on the handle of her fork. She lets Anna talk, and offers her a single encouraging nod, precise and controlled. Anna’s mouth is brave, tiny smiles and courageous words, but her eyes glisten with disappointment, with fear, with countless questions that Elsa cannot answer.

“I guess I wasn’t expecting my life to really… turn out like this?”

That makes two of us, Elsa can’t help but think but doesn’t dare let the thought rise any closer to the surface. These thoughts are not fair, she knows. They are not real, or maybe they are, but perhaps they shouldn’t be; Elsa has made her own decisions, and Anna has made hers—because Anna is an adult, because she’s starting to think like one—and now the two of them are left to pick up the pieces.

“I can understand that feeling,” Elsa shares, reluctant to offer anything more encouraging, such as no one does, really, or there’s still so much more, and your life isn’t over yet. “Sometimes plans change.”

Anna makes a face. “Sometimes for the better,” she mutters darkly, grimacing into her cup of cold tea. Elsa faintly wonders when Anna will think to reheat it but lets her make that choice on her own; she tries to keep a tally in her head, these days, of how many choices she consciously relents to Anna. She knows Anna does not notice. “Like. A hell of a lot better.”

Elsa cracks an amused grin at the grit in Anna’s voice, of fire and violence, and you won’t fool me again, and allows herself a deep sigh of unexpected relief.

“It’s okay to blame me, you know,” Anna’s confession cuts through the contented haze of Elsa’s awareness. Her sister’s eyes are so honest, and all over again, Anna is breaking, breaking her heart. “You gave up your doctoral program for me.”

Elsa turns her gaze to the contents of her mug, still warm. Whatever she says next will stay in Anna’s heart forever; she wants to make sure the words are the right ones.

“I did,” she answers eventually. “But I left for me, too.”

“But you’ve been waiting for that opportunity your whole life,” Anna insists, and her cheeks are dry but there are tears in her voice, in her throat, in her essence. “You want it. And you gave it up, because I’m a mess.”

“No,” Elsa corrects. “I withdrew because life is a mess.” She thinks in sudden waves and flashes—of freedom, of feeling trapped by four walls and a bedroom set of furniture, of opportunity, of wanting escape but not knowing how to find it, of feeling crowded and alone, of realizing that control is relative and everything and nothing, and says, “It may not have been the best thing to do, but it was the best decision we could have made at the time. It happened because it needed to happen.” Elsa lets that sink in. “And I’ll go back someday.”

“When?” Anna wants to know.

But Elsa still doesn’t really have an answer.

————

start from the beginning of livable 🎄🎁❤️

[cherri-rice]

Moral of the Story~

(Bakugou x Reader)

——————————————————————————

•

•

Everyone knows that Bakugou Katsuki has the biggest ego and that he doesn’t believe that someone could ever be better than him.

He wants what he wants.

And he wants what he can’t have.

But he’ll find a way.

You and Bakugou have been together for 7 years, and were currently in the process of getting married. You only ever had eyes for him, ever since middle school. Even when he was rude and treated people horribly wrong.

You even stayed with him when he told your classmate to jump off the top of the school building. You stayed when he was on his death bed recovering in the hospital. When you had to spend extra shifts at work to pay off the hospital bills. When he wouldn’t pay a dime of rent, or even pay for groceries.

Even his lashing out and aggressive behavior couldn’t get you to leave the trance you were stuck in.

You had all these questions and feeling about if he even valued your relationship. But when he proposed to you, all your worries vanished. You felt nothing but joy when he asked you to marry him.

You had never wanted anything more in your life.

You said yes.

Second year of high school was when he first asked you out. It wasn’t anything big. It never was. But you had all this built up love and admiration towards him, for how strong he was and how he never could be beat, that you couldn't see that it was fun to him. To have someone that thought he could do no wrong. So, he kept you close.

You let him get away with everything, you expected his half assed apologies. The ones where he’d come home late, late enough to know you were already sleeping, and he’d put a small trinket with a few words written in ink on a sticky note and place it on the nightstand.

He’d be gone in the morning before you woke up. You’d see the apology and forget why you were even mad in the first place.

But today.

Today felt different.

Today was your birthday and you couldn’t shake the feeling of regret, sadness and guilt.

Today you were turning 25. And you couldn’t help but feel like your life was missing something vital. Something you didn’t have to worry about. Someone you didn’t have to walk on eggshells for.

You went about your day going to work, having a few cards and small gifts from your coworkers, went out for a celebration drink, and went home.

Not at all throughout the day did Bakugou text you, not even a happy birthday message.

When you arrived home he was already asleep, passed out on your shared bed. Looking at his sleeping form you felt anger and frustration. You felt you were drowning in dejection and unhappiness.

You were uncertain of where these emotions came from and why you felt them now. You had always loved and cared so deeply for Bakugou. But after 7 forgotten birthdays and countless missed anniversaries, you just could do it.

All these memories of you waiting for him just for him to no show. Memories of arguments that you just had to let go of and surrender. Memory after memory. They came rushing back to the front of your mind. It’s all you could think, all you could remember was how he humiliated you in front of the entirety of Japan a vast amount of times.

You couldn’t help but feel insecure. Like you weren’t enough.

So you decided that you needed to see a counselor.

One that was going to give you the right answers. One that was going to help you move past this feeling.

-

After many months of trying to converse with Bakugou and how you were feeling, and not getting anywhere you decided that maybe your counselor was right.

-

“Where’d you find this guy?”

“I guess…I just fell in love with the wrong person”

-

It hurt to leave but you couldn’t be in a house that didn’t feel like a home. You had packed your things and left a note on Bakugou’s office desk stating how his treatment was making you feel. Telling him that it was over and that even if he came looking for you he wouldn’t be able to find you.

Walking a way from the house and to the train station, you left for Europe.

-

Over the course of three years you lived in the shantytown of Otheon. It was peaceful and you had a decent paying job. Able to provide for yourself. You even make a new friend.

Soul Rody. He was a cool guy that had two cute little siblings that you found just adorable. Rody was your roommate. He let you live with him after you impulsively left Japan with no clue how you were going to live in Europe.

-

“Hey, I have a friend that’s going to be visiting. Just letting you in know before you freak out because a random guy is in the house” Rody warned before you left for work.

You didn’t know Rody had any other friends. He never mentioned anyone for as long as you’ve known him.

‘A friend?’

——————————————————————————

Requests are open

NO COPYING

NO STEALING CONTENT

NO REBLOGGING

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-seventeen

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: Don't forget your wigs, y'all.

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid

NOAH

“I mean in what world do I go to sleep after you and wake up before you? I don't even know how it happens. Well, I hope you're having sweet dreams and you call me when you wake up.”

The noise of my mouse clicking was overshadowed as I played the voicemail repeatedly, sometimes with different remix as I tried to find the best one. After the initial shock of hearing the song, the voicemail, and realizing my feelings for her, I knew I needed to do something with the voicemail.

Someone knocked on the door of the studio but I didn’t take my eyes off the screen, still working. “Come in!”

“You’ve been in here awhile, just wanted to make sure you’re alright,” Jolly said while pulling up a chair next to me.

I nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been busy working on something.”

He eyed the screen as I worked through the program we used, the voicemail still playing.

“Are you sure you want to use this?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged with a sigh. “I figured we could remix it and bury it in a song.”

Jolly hesitated. “You’re not worried about her hearing it?”

Finally taking my attention away from the computer, I leaned back in my chair while adjusting my circle shaped, gold-rimmed glasses on my nose. “Clearly she wasn’t worried about me hearing it. Y/N knew what she was doing when she added that voicemail in the song.”

“I want to make sure you know what you’re doing, that’s all,” he said.

“I’ve been working on it all morning but still doesn’t feel right,” I admitted.

Jolly rose to his feet and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “You’ll figure it out; you always do. Make sure you come out and eat something before we leave.”

Waving him off as he left the room, I decided not to go back to the remix so instead I took a break by browsing through my phone. There were three unread texts messages, all from Bailey, but I didn’t feel like reading them. I already knew what she was asking.

Last night she asked if I wanted to hang out with her today but I’d already made plans; one that I wouldn’t skip out on.

So instead of responding to her texts, I browsed through social media for a few minutes before ending up looking through my pictures, stopping on a selfie. It was from when I watched Salem for Y/N while she was in Japan. In the haste of everything since she came back, I realized I never sent it to her. After watching her performance on the live stream a few days ago, something was different.

I love her.

The words felt weird on my tongue, almost foreign. I told the guys all the time that I loved them but this kind of love was different. It hit me really hard, I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve been through so many ups and downs, trials and tribulations with relationships. Sometimes, I couldn’t stand myself- I’d turn every mirror around. With Y/N, she moved and breathed in the same world with me. She was beautiful for the way she thought. She was beautiful for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was who she was, and I loved her.

Those feelings always had been buried deep within me but now when I say those three words out loud, it’s as if everything clicked into place. Almost as if that’s the way it's supposed to be with us, despite all the anger, hurt, and trials we’d gone through the last year.

Y/N’s eyes stole my heart. Her smile gave me life. Her presence made me high. And her touch left me breathless.

For now, I tried to hold these secrets inside of me because my mind was like a deadly disease.

My phone buzzed with yet another message, one I tried to ignore but my eyes immediately went towards it as it appeared on the top of my screen.

Bailey: Hi! Not sure if you saw my other message but I’m off work around three today if you wanted to hang out.

Swiping the message away, I went back to staring at the picture, wondering if I should send it to Y/N or not. It wasn’t a favorite selfie of mine but there was a chance she would appreciate it because Salem was in it.

After saying fuck it, I sent Y/N the picture, before deciding to text Bailey, hoping to avoid another one from her.

ME: I already have plans with some of the guys today. Maybe I can swing by later tonight.

As my text to Y/N went unread, I tried not to dwell on it for too long. Until the nagging voice in the back of my mind kept telling me that there was a reason she was ignoring my texts. Just as I clicked on the Hollow Omens group text thread, a private one from Malcolm popped up.

Malcolm: Hey, we’re sorry to do this but Y/N’s in a lot of pain today. She’s doesn’t think she’s going to make it tonight.

Feeling my heart drop, I sat up straighter in my chair, pausing the voicemail I just realized was still playing.

ME: Is she alright? Does it have to deal with her endometriosis?

As I waited for him to respond, I left the studio and headed to my bedroom, rummaging though my desk to look for my notes I took on endometriosis and ways to help elevate the pain. All of us had plans tonight to head to the pier for a night of gorging on street food and watch the fireworks. It was an annual thing our town did, and we figured it’d be something fun to check out. It’s all I could think about the last few days and the slight chance Y/N wouldn’t make it didn’t sit right with me.

When I slipped into my vans, my phone buzzed with a new text from Malcolm.

Malcolm: Yeah, it’s bad today. Her doctor switched up her meds but they don’t seem to help. She’s in the bath right now. But that’s the first time she got out of bed today.

Doing my best to ignore the thoughts of Y/N in the bath, I pocketed my wallet and phone before leaving my room. I passed Orie on the way down the stares and he gave me a look.

“Where are you headed? We’re not meeting everyone until later.”

I waved over my shoulder as I headed to the front door. “I’ve got some errands to run. I’ll meet you guys later.”

READER

I let out a long groan of pain while clutching my midsection, burying my face deeper into my pillow. The bath did nothing to ease the cramps even with the meds. I was apprehensive about changing the dosage but my doctor thought a lighter amount would be fine since the pain wasn’t that bad for the last few months.

The noise coming from my television was a white noise as I readjusted my position on the bed, hoping with me laying on my stomach, it would ease the pain somewhat; it did. I had the blanket pulled up to my chin as I reached for my phone, deciding to send a text to the Hollow Omens group chat to let everyone know I wasn’t able to make it tonight. But a new message from Noah halted that thought as I clicked it open, my breath catching in my throat at the picture.

Mochi 🍡: I forgot I took this picture while you were in Japan. I miss him, I might have to come steal him for the night.

I couldn't stop myself from staring at the picture for an ungodly normal amount of time. His hair was shorter than it was now, Noah must have got it cut when I was gone. But fuck, he looked breathtaking. There was a quick thought of setting this picture as the background on my phone. I didn’t want to have to explain it to the guys or hell, even Bailey if she noticed so instead I opted in setting it as Noah’s new contact picture; replacing the one of him in the braids back from that night.

Noah fit so well with me-with Salem. Like a small family would be.

Oh fuck, stop.

I shook my head at the thought. I blew that chance; over. Done.

Well, maybe there was still a small chance for us?

No, don’t even think of it.

Dusk is just an illusion because the sun is above the horizon or below it. And that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are there. One cannot be without the other yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel to be always together yet forever apart?

With a wavering sigh as the pain returned, I dropped my phone to the floor as I curled into a ball hugging the pillow to my chest.

NOAH

I knocked on the door with my free hand, the other grasping a bag close to my chest while my foot tapped to a melody I had stuck in my head all day. Ever since trying to remix the voicemail earlier, I had this same tune and lyrics in my head.

“Am I worthy?” I hummed as the front door opened.

Chase doubled back in surprise when he saw me. “Oh hey, man, what’s up? I wasn’t expecting to see you till later.”

I nodded. “Malcolm texted me saying Y/N’s not feeling that great.”

“Yeah,” he ran a hand over his buzzed head while moving to the side, allowing me to step inside. “It’s been one of those days. The pain is really bad, and she hasn’t left her room.”

“I brought her some things, hoping it helps. I know she was excited about our night at the pier so anything to help her feel better,” I held up the bag in my hand.

Chase gave me an amused expression before nodding down the hall. “Third door on the left.”

As I approached her door, the faint sound of her television and a muffled noise gave me slight pause before I knocked softly.

“Angel?”

Nothing.

So I knocked harder. “Angel, it’s me.”

It was a faint, but I heard her grant me entrance, where I slowly opened her door and noticed Y/N crouched in her bed with a pillow against her chest, blanket pulled up to her nose. Her eyes darted from the television over to me, doubling.

“Hey,” I said while shutting the door

“Noah?” She pulled the blanket away from her face as she sat up in bed. “What are you doing here?”

I smiled while setting the back down on the empty side of her bed. “I heard you weren’t feeling well, so I brought some things over.

Y/N stiffened for a long moment before he shoulders fell slightly. “They told you? Everything, I’d assume.”

“Are you upset?”

“No,” she sighed. “I just-I don’t know. It’s a lot to take in and understand.”

I waved her off. “I did my research on Endometriosis; from what Malcolm and Chase told me. So I brought some goodies for you.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” Y/N’s bottom lip wavered as she let out a deep breath. “Aren’t you busy with writing or-Bailey?”

I didn’t miss the way she stuttered out Bailey’s name but kept it to myself as I began unpacking things from the bag.

“She’s at work, it’s all good. Please, angel, let me be here for you. I’ve got some snacks and other shit.”

A tiny smile pulled at her lips before Y/N eventually nodded. “I mean, yeah. Please, I appreciate this so much, Noah. Thank you.”

I tossed on the bed a variety of snacks and drinks, her immediately reaching for the Reeses Peanut butter cups.

“How’d you know these were my favorite?”

I merely shrugged. “Lucky guess.”

Bullshit. I texted Malcolm to ask.

Our eyes locked, the invisible string that connected us vibrated in my chest.

“You wear glasses?” Y/N asked.

My hands quickly went to my face, feeling self conscious of her tone of voice. “Uh, yeah. I kind of forgot I was wearing them. I left the house in a hurry.”

“You look-,” her words trailed off for a long beat of silence as her eyes shined with light.

I look what, angel?

My fingers tapped against my thigh as I waited for her answer.

Y/N hesitated before answering. “Like a dork.”

Rolling my eyes with a chuckle, I tossed one of her pillows at her as she smacked it away with her own laughter echoing through her room.

“Oh,” I remembered while rummaging through the bag. “I also picked this up. You can always get a better one later but I’m sure you needed something to help a little. I read that heat helps with the cramping from Endometriosis.”

“Wait, a minute. You read?” She teased before taking the heating pad from me with a small smile of thanks.

“Don’t be a smartass, ma’am,” I chuckled. “I just wanted to learn more about this and want to help anyway I can, angel.”

She blinked slowly as she stared down at the heating pad and treats in her hand. “This is-uh. Thank you.

Noticing she was seconds away from crying, I set the empty bag on the ground before reaching for the remote next to her on the bed. “Ok now scoot over.”

“What?” Her gaze finally tore from the things in her hand up to me.

I motioned for her to scoot closer to the right side of her bed while I kicked off my shoes. “Make some room. We’re going to watch something on Netflix while we eat our snacks.”

“Mochi, for real?” Y/N smiled.

“Yeah for real, move,” I pushed her shoulder which made her finally move over towards the other side of the bed.

Making sure there was still space between us as I laid down next to her, I resumed the show Y/N was watching on Netflix as we silently watched while eating the snacks. After some time, I noticed she shifted deeper into the bed and pulled the blanket closer to her chest, a look of pain across her face.

“Are you alright?” I asked turning towards her.

Y/N shook her head. “The pain; it’s really bad. My doctor switched my meds, but it doesn’t seem to help.”

Quickly, I sat up from the bed to plug in her heating pad and handed it to her. “Try it.”

I watched as she adjusted herself in the bed with the heating pad against her abdomen with a sigh. “You really don’t have to do all of this, Noah. I know you must be busy.”

“I’m never busy for you, angel,” I promised while hopping over her into the bed.

The door pushed open with a small meow before Salem jumped up into the bed, immediately climbing and laying on my chest. With one hand propped up behind my head, I used the other hand to pet Salem’s head; his purring overpowering the noise of the television.

“He missed you,” Y/N said, not taking her eyes off the movie.

“I missed him too,” I mused while leaving pepper-like kisses all over the cat's face.

The comfortable silence fell between us again for a long while now with me peering over at her now and then to make sure she was alright. The heating pad seemed to have worked because gone from her face was the look of pain, instead the ethereal look I fell in love with graced her features. I marveled in the one dimple in her cheek as she laughed at something funny; the sound making my stomach flutter. I drank in the sight of how when her hair fell into her face, the lines in her forehead creased as she tried to blow it out of her eyes, failing miserably so ended up brushing it away.

“Why are you staring at me?” Y/N asked, breaking my trance.

“Just memories,” I smirked while grabbing my coconut water and taking a drink.

Her cheeks reddened before clearing her throat, just as the movie ended. “Should we watch another?”

“Actually,” I said while reaching for my phone that I placed on the end table, not disturbing the sleeping Salem. “I have something else to show you.”

“Oh, you do, huh? Is it another selfie?”

I scoffed while giving her a sideways glance. “You’re spicy today, aren't you?”

Noticing another text message from Bailey, I ignored it by clicking on my Spotify app; I chose the playlist I made while waiting in line at the store to check out.

“I made this for you. It’s a playlist of different earthy type songs or meditation sounds. Something to help you with the pain,” I explained while letting her peer over to get a glance at the different songs.

“An Incomplete List of Songs I Love That You Will Probably Love Too (Actually)?” She read back the name of the playlist.

I shrugged. “It’s not the weirdest one. So, which song?”

Y/N hummed while scrolling through my phone as I held it before finally settling on one. “Runaway by Aurora. I love that one.”

My heart stuttered in my chest at her choice; memories came flooding back. She didn’t know it but that song helped pull me out of a dark place in my life.

Running a hand over my jaw, I nodded while clicking on the song and connected it to Y/N’s smart speaker in her room.

As we lay there, listening to song after song, we let the soft tunes ease us into a state of calmness. While I pet Salem, quietly singing along to the words, I heard a soft snore beside me and noticed Y/N fell asleep. Her lips were parted slightly and her chest rose and fell with each deep breath.

Taking off my glasses and setting them on the table next to me, I sunk deeper into the pillow and eyes fluttering shut.

After some time, unsure how long, I woke first to notice that both of us had turn towards each other in our sleep, our faces mere inches from each other and hands grazing over one another in the middle of the bed. The earlier melody still in my head but now as I stared at Y/N, the words now clearing through the fog that clouded my mind.

“Weigh down on me, stay till morning,” I hummed low, slowly brushing a strand of hair out of her face, letting my fingers linger along the skin of her neck. “Way down. Would you say I’m worthy?”

Y/N shifted in her sleep as I pulled my hand away, eyes fluttering open. Our eyes locked, and she gave me a lazy smile. “Oh, we must have moved in our sleep.”

Fuck, my heart, stomach, and dick twitched at her tired voice.

“Did I wake you?” I muttered quietly.

She yawned while cuddling the pillow. “I don’t know. I thought I heard some humming or singing. Do you have a melody in your head?”

I swallowed. “Yeah, guess I do.”

MALCOLM

While walking down the hall, ready to head to the pier, I stopped in front of Y/N’s room to check and see how she was feeling. A shocked hum fell from my lips when I noticed there was more than one body in her bed.

Y/N and Noah were asleep facing each other, their fingers linked; subconsciously or not, it was as if their souls needed to be connected at all times. Salem laid between them.

“Oh man,” I sighed sweetly but there was that lingering fear that Y/N would get hurt again.

After closing the door, I made my way into the living room where Chase was lounging on the couch, playing a drum beat with his hands on his lap. I laid a kiss to the top of his head before going into the kitchen, grabbing a drink from the fridge.

“I didn’t know Noah was here,” I said while hopping onto the counter.

Chase nodded. “He came by a few hours ago. I guess he wanted to help Y/N with the pain.”

I made a low, amused noise. “Seemed to help. They’re both sleeping.”

“Really?”

“Yep, curled up facing each other with Salem between them. Like a little family.”

Chase rolled his eyes with a deep sigh. “They don’t even realize what’s happening; even in their sleep. This thing between them, you read about it. It what everyone looks for. Why don’t they fucking see it?”

I shrugged with my own deep sigh. “Fear? Anxiety? Who knows but I have a feeling shit’s about to hit the fan soon, babe. I really do.”

BRYAN

The large group of us walked down the pier, the loud music and smell of food from the fair filling the air. I walked between Malcolm and Orie, as Noah walked ahead with Folio, Nick, and Jolly. Every so often, I’d catch Noah peer over his shoulder to make sure we were all following.

Bringing the camera up to my neck, I took a few differnt pictures; the pink painted skyline, the crashing of the water underneath, then when Noah peered over his shoulder yet again, I took a picture of him. I began clicking a bunch of buttons to zoom in, noticing Noah wasn’t staring at the camera; more so off to the left of me.

Glancing over my shoulder, I immediately noticed who Noah was watching.

Y/N walked alongside with Michael, Matt, and Jesse, all four of them laughing about something unknown. We were told earlier that there was a chance Y/N wouldn’t be able to make it because she didn’t feel well. Clearly whatever Noah planned for her earlier today helped.

When I glanced from Y/N back to Noah, already seeing that he was looking directly at me. Without saying a word, he told me exactly what he was thinking with a small smile.

I motioned to my camera. “Definitely a keeper; Noah. I’ll be sure to save this one.”

As we reached the main area of the fair, we all agreed on getting some food before the firework show. It was busy, crowds of people pushing their way through to get to where they needed. The occasional shocked expression was thrown towards us as people recognized Bad Omens and Hollow Souls. Thankfully, they stayed away knowing that we all wanted to enjoy our personal time.

Y/N sat at a table with Chase as Noah walked up with two large cups of sodas and a funnel cake, one he clearly was planning on sharing. The three of them attacked the funnel cake as Chase talked about how excited he was for the new drum track he was working on.

Once again, I was stuck watching this fiasco that was Y/N and Noah. There is no confusion like the confusion of a simple mind- this was all easy to us, but for them? Not so much. As an observer to the left eye, forgetting the truth behind what is current; they sat together, chilling out, doing what friends do, but, he looked at her the way all women want to be looked at by a man. I don’t believe I ever looked at a woman that way; at least not yet.

Y/N was beautiful, but not like those girls in magazines, I could totally see why Noah had his tongue stuck in his throat. Around her, he would retreat into this shy, introverted person around her company. Stealing those glances so subtly. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if others were sad, even when she, out of all people, were sad.

Before when I snapped the picture, I didn’t even catch he wasn’t looking over at me at all. His almond eyes were shifted, never me or the camera. Just her; Y/N. I don’t know shit about love, not right now and maybe not even a year from now. But I can say this-there are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice. I had a feeling they would find something somehow. The photo I took, the peripheral vision of her staring right back at him was proof.

I raised my camera, recording now, as Y/N walked to throw away the garbage and Noah running up behind her to lift her into the air twirling her around.

“Noah! Stop!” She giggled while wrapping her arms around his neck.

“What?” Noah stopped spinning. “Let you go?”

Y/N shrieked as he nearly dropped her. “No, you idiot! Don’t let me go!”

This short clip of them along with the picture from before were definitely keepers.

NOAH

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Y/N laid a hand on Malcolm’s back as he was doubled over, hands on his knees.

He dry heaved before nodding. “I’ll be fine.”

Chase sighed as he held back Malcolm’s hair. “Babe, you know how sick you get when you eat fair food then try to ride the teacup ride.”

“Fuck you,” he grumbled.

I chuckled as watching the three of them.

“Maybe we should go,” Chase said when Malcolm threw up yet again into the trash can.

Y/N hesitated but nodded. “Uh, yeah. Let me just get my things.”

My heart sank to my stomach because I wasn’t ready for her to leave yet. We were only here for about an hour and the fireworks show hadn’t started yet.

“I can take you home later, angel,” I offered.

Her eyes sparkled with the setting sun as she smiled over to me. “Are you sure? I don’t want to bother you for a ride.”

“I’ll make sure she gets home safe,” I spoke towards Chase.

He nodded while helping Malcolm stand up straight. “Have her home by midnight.”

Y/N scoffed. “A curfew?!”

I squinted my eyes. “12:30?”

She looked between the two of us, disbelief on her face, until Chase reluctantly agreed with a nod. “Not a second later!”

“I hate you, fuckers,” Y/N seethed with a hint of a smile before waving goodbye to the two of them and muttering something about needing to use the bathroom before the show.

“I’ll wait right here for you,” I said; with more meaning behind it than she might have realized.

She patted my cheek. “You’re a good man, Noah.”

Playfully pushing her away, heart pounding loudly in my chest, I watched with careful eyes as she walked over to the restroom to make sure she was safe. In that time, Jolly, Folio, and Jesse came up to me.

“The others found a great spot on the beach for the show,” Jolly informed.

I nodded while pointing to the bathroom. “Y/N’s in the bathroom. I said I’d wait for her.”

Folio was texting away on his phone as Jesse spoke next. “Where’s Chase and Malcolm?”

“Malcolm got sick so Chase took him home,” I chuckled. “I offered to drop Y/N off later.”

Jolly raised a brow. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? Weren’t you planning to go hang out with Bailey?”

My eyes snapped over to him at the mention of Bailey. “I’m not going to fuck Y/N in the car.”

Folio’s eyes snapped up from his phone. “You fucked Y/N in the car?”

“Oh my god,” I pinched my eyes shut with a groan.

Jesse peered over Folio’s shoulder to his phone. “Oh shit. She wants to see that movie? I saw a trailer for it last night. It looks fucking sick.”

“Hey, fuck off!” Folio scolded while putting his phone to his chest.

Out of the corner of my vision, I saw Y/N walking back towards us but stopped when someone stepped in her path. She gave whoever it was a tight smile as they rambled something, talking fast with their hands.

“Who’s that?” Jesse asked.

“Must be a fan with how excited he looks talking to her,” Jolly said.

Y/N tried to speak, but the guy didn’t let her; kept rambling as he pulled out his phone. I didn’t miss the way she stiffened, clearly uncomfortable. My eyes narrowed as it watched intently to make sure this guy didn’t try anything.

Why does it matter? You’re with Bailey.

“Noah, are you going to go all Jack Nicholson on him or what?” Folio joked.

“What?” I shook my head. “No-I’m just watching from afar to make sure she’s alright.”

At first, I thought I wanted to be set free from the pain of Y/N leaving me that night. I thought by being with someone else it would help deliver me from her hands, but it hasn’t. I watched the dude talk and talk and talk. She wasn’t into it, but it wasn’t my place to intervene. I wanted too.

I’m going to stand right here, with my hands in my pocket. I’m going to stand right-oh, what the fuck!

I watched as the guy went in for a hug but it wasn’t a small hug. This was deep as his hands grazed up and down her back while her hands gently patted his. I could tell from here that the grip around her was tight and Y/N was clearly uncomfortable.

Fuck this.

Before I knew it, I was walking over, my gaze never leaving this fucking guy. I watched his hands, his entire figure embrace her.

No. Absolutely fucking not. You want a hug? Go for the hug that looks like a pat, you don’t need to be holding onto her for dear life.

I closed the distance between us face, my feet flew with force. My breathing was deep, huffing and puffing. I wanted to deck him. I shouldn’t, but I do. This mother fucker did even realize what a privilege it was to be even touched slightly by Y/N.

As I approached them from behind, neither of them noticing me yet, the guy said. “You’re fucking talented!”

She is, we know that -now leave.

“And you’re fucking beautiful, so beautiful, are you with somebody? Can I get your number, maybe go out?”

This guy kept rambling on and I tensed, my skin felt like cactus.

Y/N’s soft, polite voice spoke up. “I’m already spoke-” she stuttered. “No, not right now. But I’m not interested. I’m sorry.”

Why the fuck was she apologizing?

“Oh damn,” the guy’s shoulder dropped as his hands were buried in his pockets. “That’s too bad, I’d love to take you out, and show you a great time.”

This mother fucker wasn’t getting the hint.

I kicked the leg of the table that was next to them, making a noise as my face never leaving his. I bore into him.

They turned their heads over at me, a relieved expression crossing Y/N’s face. “Oh, hey. I was on my way back!”

A low noise rumbled in the back of my throat as I crossed my arms. “Hi, angel. Are you alright?”

Before she could speak, the guy cut her off when he pointed to me. “Holy shit, you’re Noah. From Bad Omens. What’s up, dude?!”

I wish I could say I was amused, even flattered, but I wasn't. I didn’t care if he was a fan of the band to be honest.

Get the fuck out of her face. Don’t touch or look at what’s rightfully mine.

Well, technically that not true now is it?

Ignoring the voice, I nodded towards the guy as I stepped closer to Y/N.

“Sup man, did you get your photo? Cause we have places to be.”

I was more hostile with my words than I realized but I didn’t care. He could tweet about it.

He noticed the tension. “Uh yeah, yeah I did. It was lovely to meet you Y/N. Thanks so much.”

“No problem! Have a good one,” Y/N gave her best smile.

He walked away, and I watched him, tilting my head as he looked over a few times before finally turning the corner, disappearing behind a crowd of people.

“Noah,” Y/N’s soft voice turned my attention to her. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” I nodded. “Are you? He seemed a little too fucking friendly, no?”

I was forceful with my words. I had no right to be, but I couldn’t stop seeing red.

“He was just a fan, Noah, it’s normal. You of all people should know that.”

“I get it, trust me. I only wanted to make sure you were safe. He looked at you like-”, I stopped myself before I even began.

Like how I fucking look at you and it pissed me off.

She shifted on her feet. “Like what? It was harmless flirting.”

“Hm, didn’t look like it. He looked at you like he wanted to devour you.”

“Noah, I can’t control that shit, no more than you can,” Y/N sighed, almost walking away from me.

My heart still was pounding hard in my chest as I reached for her elbow, gently pulling her back towards ms.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.” I gave a small smile.

“I’m good, thanks mochi.”

She smiled at me; that same fucking smile that brightened any room she walked in. It paled in comparison to the setting sun behind her that painted the sky in pink and gold. I took a small step towards her, fingers itching with the need to grab her face so I could kiss her, until I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

Without looking at it, I knew it was Bailey. She sent me a text awhile ago saying that she could order us some food tonight if I came over, which I responded with four words; I’ll let you know.

“Uh,” I swallowed while taking a step back. “Everyone found a great spot for us on the beach for the fireworks. Are you ready?”

“Hell yes, I love firework!” Y/N bounced on her feet.

As we began walking down the pier, both of our hands swinging so close to each other, I felt her skin on mine a few times.

“How’s the pain?” I asked after a moment.

“Good. I mean it’s still there but thanks to a certain someone,” she bumped her shoulder with mine, “the heating pad helped a lot.”

This time, I linked our hands together just as we reached the beach, and gave it a squeeze. “Of course, angel.”

I thought back to the last time we were on a beach together; us playing in the water after we both discussed parts of our past that made us who we were today. She was with Trey but that moment, I’d never seen her more alive and free.

Time traveling again, it was so easy to do it in her presence. Going back in time, things weren’t simple then either; but in those moments it became what I know of it now; everything to me.

My phone buzzed again which caused me to groan as I pulled it out of my pocket, expecting to it to be Bailey but it shocked me to see it was a text from Matt; a screenshot of a conversation on Twitter.

Met Y/N of Hollow Souls, so fucking beautiful and incredible in person. I’ve always been a fan of hers, but her music is great too. Holy fuck! I got the balls to ask her out. She said no lol all good. Still a fan. Always.

My grip around my phone as I felt the anger fester low in my gut before reading the next tweet.

Noah of Bad Omens was there with her and was a fucking prick. All good. Damn shame cause the music is good.

I snorted when I then read Matt’s own tweet in response.

Listen to the music for the right reasons then.

I responded to Matt with a few laughing emojis, still ignoring Bailey’s text, and pocketed my phone just as we reached everyone else on the beach. They were scattered either in chairs or on the blanket and the only open spots were on said blanket with Orie and Nick. We sat next to each other, fingers brushing against one another as we leaned back, staring up to the now dark sky while we waited for the fireworks. Y/N shivered, and I reached for my sweater that Jolly remembered to grab from my car.

“Cold?” I asked.

She nodded. “I should have brought something heavier.”

I handed her my sweater, and she took it with a thankful smile. “Thanks Mochi.”

Orie peered over to us, a sly smirk playing on his lips, but I ignored him as Nick patted my shoulder, showing me his phone.

“Death of Peace of Mind comes out at ten o'clock tonight,” he muttered quietly.

Shit.

I bit the inside of my cheek but nodded. “She was bound to hear it, anyway.”

As I turned back towards Y/N, the fireworks began, loud cracks of coloring lighting up the sky. She stared up with wonder and excitement as she pulled my sweater closer to her chest. While everyone watched the beauty in the sky, I watched the beauty in front of me that was Y/N.

An ordinary beginning, something that would have been forgotten had it been anyone but Y/N. But as I shook her hand and met those striking eyes for the first time, the fireworks blew in through the sky, like they were made for her.

Before I’d taken my next breath, I fucking knew she was the one I could spend the rest of my life looking for but never find again if I lost her; I couldn’t lose her again.

I knew the way I felt right now wasn’t meant for Bailey; I knew it from the second I asked her out. That’s what kept me awake at night, that’s what scared me and kept me from admitting this truth. Y/N seemed like that good, that perfect feelings while those fucking fireworks exploded.

READER

Shit, talk about an awkward car ride.

After the fireworks ended, we all parted ways with everyone and Noah walked me to his car. The atmosphere was fine at first, but being so close to him in this confined space made my palms sweat and core ache. Which didn’t make sense because earlier today while we laid in bed together, I didn’t feel this awkward tension. But now, it was as if we were drowning in it. I kept my gaze out the window as the familiar streets and houses came into view, telling me I was almost home. I frowned, not wanting the day to be over.

Noah noticed because he tapped my knee with a knuckle. “Everything alright?”

I gazed over to him and sucked in a breath at the sight of him. He pulled back the long locks of his hair in a low bun, a few strands falling into his face. The darkness of the car did nothing to hide his gorgeous features, his almond color eyes staring deep into my heart as he took his gaze off the road for a few beats. Before while we were at the pier, he had taken off his glasses but now Noah was wearing them and I loved the way he looked in them.

There was that word again; love. It held so much meaning now that I admitted it out loud to myself but yet, stung deep knowing he didn’t feel the same. Because if he did, he wouldn’t have been with someone else.

“Yeah,” I answered when I realized I hadn’t said anything yet. “I had a really fun day today, Noah. Thank you for everything.”

His fingers grazed over my knee to give it a squeeze. “Anytime, angel. I’m here to help you through whatever you need.”

Noah pulled the car into a stop in front of my house and I let out a sigh, not moving yet.

“Your new song was great by the way.”

My head snapped over towards him. “Oh, Eyelids? You, uh, you like it?”

“It was beautiful, angel. It seemed to have come from your heart,” Noah turned his body towards me in the driver's seat of the car.

“It did,” I licked my lips.

His hand glided over the steering wheel. “You added your voicemail.”

I titled my head towards him. “What?”

“The voicemail, I heard it, you added that.”

“I-,” the words faltered on my lips, not knowing how I would explain this one.

I called him one night in Japan but ended up leaving a voicemail, not knowing that my laptop was still recording from when I was messing with my vocals earlier. I was so apprehensive about putting it in a song but Chase thought it would be a great touch to Eyelids. So I did it, not even thinking Noah would catch on.

“I know, I already know,” Noah leaned closer towards me, closing the space inch by inch.

I swallowed thickly. “You do? I’m sorry if it-.”

“No need to apologize to me, angel,” Noah said.

“I really wanted you to-to-.”

“To what?” He raised a brow.

“Like it,” I admitted with a long breath.

“I do,” he nodded with a large smile. “I’m proud of you.”

Suddenly, his phone buzzed from its placement in the cup holder, my eyes reading the name with a pang in my heart.

Bailey.

Noah ignored it with a sigh and even though it was a flash image, I noticed what his background was; me, back from when we were on tour together. It was one where I was on stage singing, eyes closed with the stage lights casting me in a white light.

I couldn’t ask him about it because I was afraid of ruining the good energy we found ourselves in today.

Noah rubbed the back of his neck before turning up the volume of the radio, not even bothering to mention Bailey was calling him yet again today. “We actually have another song about to debut.”

I smacked his chest while sitting on my knees in the front seat, excitement filling the air. “Why didn’t you say anything?! I would have missed it.”

He chuckled. “It’s about to play any second.”

Just then the voice of the radio DJ came on through the speakers of Noah’s car. “Alright guys, we have a new single from Bad Omens. These guys are releasing hit after hit with Concrete Jungle, Nowhere to Go, and now, here is the Death of Peace of Mind.”

“I made another mistake, thought I could change. Thought I could make it out. Promises break, need to hear you say. You're gonna keep it now.”

“Oh fuck, Noah.” I gasped. “Your voice in this is fucking incredible.”

He gave me a small smile.

“I miss the way you say my name. The way you bend, the way you break. Your makeup running down your face. The way you touch, the way you taste. When the curtains call the time will we both go home alive? It wasn't hard to realize. Love's the death of peace of mind.”

My body stiffened as I blinked up at him, Noah’s eyes never leaving my face. Suddenly these lyrics were feeling almost too personal. The thickness of the tension becoming too much, the air around us shifting into something that we should have pushed away from, ignored it like we did everything else.

“You're in the walls that I made with crosses and frames hanging upside down. For granted, in vain, I took everything I ever cared about.”

Instead, I leaned closer towards Noah, who made no move to stop me.

“I miss the way you say my name. The way you bend, the way you break. Your makeup running down your face. The way you fuck, the way you taste.”

I sucked in a breath, eyes snapping up from his lips to his eyes. “Noah, is this-?”

All he did was nod, but that was enough for me as I crashed my lips to his, a shocked moan echoing over the music of the car. Immediately I climbed into his lap, his large hands enveloping around me.

“When the curtains call the time will we both go home alive?”

Even though it had been so long since we last kiss, our lips moved in sync as if we never missed a beat. He tasted exactly the same, his tongue felt exactly the same as it explored every inch of my mouth. I whined into him when I couldn’t completely straddle him, my hands resting against his chest.

“Back seat,” he muttered against my lips before grazing his teeth over them, patting my ass.

“It wasn't hard to realize. Love's the death of peace of mind. When the curtains call the time, will we both be satisfied?”

With an excited squeal, I jumped into the backseat of his car and watched as his long limbs tried to climb over the center console. Noah smacked his head on the roof of his car, cursing under his breath as he fell into the back seat next to me.

“Maybe you should get a bigger car,” I teased while straddling him once again.

Noah hummed while grasping my hips, digging his nails into the fabric of my jeans. “Only if you promise more of this.”

I pressed my lips to his once again, tongues immediately finding each other.

“It wasn't hard to realize. Love's the death of peace of mind. Love's the death of peace of mind.”

“Noah,” I moaned when his hips pressed into my core, the hardness of his cock brushing across it.

He pulled away breathless. “Fuck, angel. I missed the way you say my name.”

“You come and go in waves leaving me in your wake. You come and go in waves swallowing everything.”

I pulled away from him to look down at him, hearing those lyrics, and raised a brow. “Oh, I do?”

Noah let out a low growl, hand snaking in my hair as he yanked me back down to my lips and adjusted me so my aching core was pressed against his thigh. “Ride it.”

With. Fucking. Pleasure.

“Are you satisfied? Love's the death of peace of mind. Mind, mind.”

While I rubbed my pussy against his thigh, Noah moaned out a question between kissees.

“Are you-?”

Kiss.

“Mad I-?”

Kiss.

“Wrote a song-.”

“When the curtains call the time will we both go home alive?”

My fingers snapped away the tie that held his hair together and I watched with ecstasy as Noah’s hair fell to his shoulders in waves. I almost through about taking off his glasses but decided against it.

Our lips met again in a fiery kiss as he finished his question.

“About that night?”

I mumbled into his mouth. “No, now let me fucking cum, Noah.”

“It wasn't hard to realize. Love's the death of peace of mind.”

I moaned as my orgasm built higher and higher, almost to a crescendo.

“When the curtains call the time, will we both be satisfied?”

With one hand gripped snaked under my shirt, Noah’s fingers scratched and clawed at my skin, undoubtedly leaving marks, while his other smacked against the window to his left, fingers dragging down through the fog the heat of our kiss created.

Then his fingers left the skin of my back to graze up over my chest and I nearly came when I thought he was going to touch my breast but felt him twiddle my necklace between his fingers. Then gone was that hand from my chest to graze against the skin of my left wrist, now twiddling the bracelet between his fingers.

“You’re wearing them.” His lips attacked my neck is viscous bites.

I leaned my head back to give him more access when my hips moved in faster, uneven pace, as my orgasm was so fucking close to exploding through me; I could almost taste it.

“I found them,” I said breathless. “They’re my favorite gift I’ve ever gotten.”

“It wasn't hard to realize. Love's the death of peace of mind. Love's the death of peace of mind. Love's the death of peace of mind.”

When the song faded out, Noah reached for the button of my jeans. “Let me help you, angel.”

Suddenly, loud ringing echoed through the speakers of the car, which made me pull away from Noah.

“Incoming call from Bailey. Anwer?” Siri’s voice said.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Suddenly the lust haze that has enveloped both of us faded, realization seeping deep into my bones. This was so wrong, so fucking wrong.

“Shit! Shit! Shit! Oh my god, I am so so sorry! I’m so-,” I apologized.

Noah realized what was happening, so he tried to reach for my face. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

I hastily jumped off his lap, fingers going to my kiss-swollen lips, as I took in the sight of him. His long hair a mess thanks to my hands gripping and his own lips were bruised from the force of our kiss; his phone still ringing.

Tears burned in my eyes as I smoothed my hair down and reached for my bag in the front seat.

“You should answer that,” my hand gripped the door handle. “She’s been trying to call you for hours.”

“Angel-.”

“It’s fine, Noah.” I blew out a shaky breath.

“She knows where I’m at, with my friends,” he explained before answering the call with a sigh.

My face physically twitched at his words. They stung like a fucking scorpion tail but I had no one else to blame but myself.

Friends? Is that what you call what just happened?

“Hi babe!” Bailey’s cheery voice dragged the knife deeper into my chest. “I’ve been trying to call you all day. “

Noah adjusted himself in the backseat next to me and for the first time I took in the sight of his cock pressing against his jeans but did my best not to let a moan slip.

“Can I call you back?” Noah asked.

“It’s fine,” I mouthed. “I’m going to go.”

He shook his head, trying to stop me as I opened the door, the cool night air brushing against my heated skin.

“So are you still planning on coming over tonight?” Bailey questioned just before I slammed the door shut, ignoring the hurt look that crossed over Noah’s face.

As the tears fell from my eyes, I didn’t bother looking back to his car, knowing if I did, I might not make it inside.

[f1letters]

lavender haze | mv1

"I been under scrutiny, you handle it beautifully"

summary: after winning his second championship in another controversial way, max needed her by his side more than ever as the media tried to tear him apart

warning: a little bit of angst for Max, but overall fluff for the couple, swearing, suggestive language, mentions of the championship-deciding races of Abu Dhabi GP 2021 and Japan GP 2022 from Max's point of view, mentions of scrutiny from the media, Jos Verstappen lol

pairing: max verstappen x reader

word count: 2.8k

note: everything in bold are song references and in italic are thoughts, which includes memories from the past. also, I would like to point out that I didn't write this as a personal opinion/critique of Ted or anyone involved in the whole Sky Sports scandal (which is why I didn't use his name or his exact words in the story and why I only used the controversy as a reference/inspiration very loosely), but rather wrote about what I imagine were the thoughts/feelings of people on Max's side (himself, the Red Bull team, Jos, etc), regarding this matter.

dutch words used: schatje = baby; liefje = honey

and we are back! once again, thank you all for being so understanding about me skipping last weekend 💜 I hope you enjoy this little story, as always!

masterlist

Meet me at midnight

Ever since he was just a little boy, all Max dreamed of was being a Formula 1 champion.

To have his name written in the history books. To have his legacy immortalized in the records for eternity.

From then, Max spent all of his hours, days, weeks, months and years preparing for it. He gave all of his blood, sweat and tears for it.

For that exact moment: when he stood right there in Japan, tall and proud, with his trophy in hand, after being announced World Champion for the 2nd time.

Lying in bed that night, staring at the ceiling next to his girlfriend, the driver could still feel the euphoria coursing through his veins.

He couldn't believe how lucky he was to be in that position. 

He had everything he could ever want: his biggest dream came true twice, he had a successful career that so many envied, and most of all, he had the best person in the world by his side.

At the end of the day, it didn't matter all the money, the victories, the parties, the luxury if he couldn't have her there in his arms.

Y/N was everything to him, and he knew that the championship victory was as much hers as his.

Max let his hand run through the shiny strands of his partner's hair, the warm skin of their bodies pressed together, while Y/N drew random figures with her soft fingers across the man's toned chest.

The couple remained in each other's arms, not saying too much, both still over the moon and completely in awe from the unforgettable day they just had.

"I'm so proud of you, my love." Y/N broke the silence installed in the hotel room, whispering her words. "You can't imagine how happy I am for you."

Staring at the ceiling with you

Oh, you don't ever say too much

And you don't really read into

My melancholia

Max half smirked with his eyes half closed as sleep began to creep in.

With his eyes locked on the girl before him, the boy tucked the hair that covered her face behind her ear and stayed like that for a few minutes. Just living in the moment, letting her words sink in, appreciating what life had given him.

"Thanks, schatje. For everything." He placed a soft kiss on her forehead, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand. "I'm completely crazy about you, you know that?"

Y/N laughed shyly, moving her body even closer to her boyfriend's, laying down on his chest. "Stop, Max! You know I get all embarrassed when you start saying stuff like that."

"You stop! I'm just telling the truth!" Their laughter filled the room in pure harmony. Max stopped, returning to his moment of gratitude. "I just love you. So much, Y/N. This is all thanks to you."

"This is all thanks to your talent, baby." The young woman rested her cheek against the driver's bare shoulder. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Y/N knew that Max would immediately understand what she was trying to say.

The girl couldn't help but fear that the Dutchman would let all the scrutiny behind yet another championship win bring him down.

Max had a whole facade around him. Max appeared to be confident, poised, collected, unfazed by all adversity, and sometimes even self-centred and arrogant because of his posture on the track. 

But deep down, Max was nothing but a fragile little boy, still trying to seek his father's approval.

Max was obsessed with perfection. Everything he had to do had to be absolutely spot on: every corner had to be perfectly executed, his car had to be at its best at all times, any position other than the first one was simply not good enough.

Knowing him better than anyone, Y/N knew how to handle him beautifully and knew that in the back of Max's mind, the fact that this was yet another victory tainted by controversy was tormenting him, even if he tried to hide it.

I've been under scrutiny

You handle it beautifully

All this shit is new to me

Both of them could only imagine all the headlines, the comments, the criticism. All because of a loophole that was never under the driver's control.

"Don't worry about me." Max answered the unspoken question the girl posed. "I don't give a damn what people say."

The harsh words that came out of his mouth seemed to be an attempt to convince himself more than her. They both knew that.

It had been almost a year since the boy had been named champion for the first time and yet to that day he still suffered attacks due to something that (once again) was not in his power to change.

Y/N didn't push, knowing the argument was going nowhere, and instead chose to joke with her boyfriend to lighten the mood. "Well, I don't know if you know this... but you look so much hotter as a two-time world champion."

Happiness filled Max's chest as he chuckled, turning their position so that his body was on top of hers. His lips roamed over her neck, leaving soft kisses and nibbles along the way, until he strayed away to deposit an intense and passionate kiss on her mouth.

His head lifted slightly, creating enough distance between them for him to speak, though their lips were still touching. "What if I showed again how it feels like to fuck a two-time world champion, hmm?"

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want for me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

Two weeks passed until the next race, the couple trapped in their lavender haze.

The Texas sun cut through the clouds in the sky and reflected warmly on the girl's skin as she entered the circuit, side by side with Carola.

Both friends over the last few years since they met in the Red Bull garage through their partners, the young women understood each other perfectly: both were reserved, with no great desire for attention on them, just there to support their lovers.

As always, a peaceful and relaxed conversation was taking place between the two, as they strolled around the paddock with smiles on their faces. 

Carola told Y/N all about the latest incident at the Perez house, with the small sibling clashes between Checo Jr. and Carlota, and the other girl just laughed. She knew how happy those children made her friend and she couldn't wish anything else for Carola.

Suddenly the mood around them seemed to change. 

The environment that before was serene, relaxed, and enthusiastic now gave off a heavy, tense, nervous energy.

Y/N started looking into the faces of the people they passed for answers, aware that they were looking at her. What the fuck is going on, she thought to herself.

Carola sensed the discomfort on her friend, placing a concerned hand on the girl's shoulder. "Y/N, are you okay?"

"Well, I'd like to know the answer to that question too," Y/N confessed without too much thought. "I don't know, honestly. I have a feeling something is wrong."

"Maybe it's nothing," The Mexican tried to calm her down, running her hand up and down along her friend's forearm, although she was aware of the gazes in their direction too. "We're almost at the garage and we'll clear everything up."

Walking through the navy blue walls, the tension only intensified in the air. 

The faces of the team members showed worry and nervousness, and the PR team rushing back and forth relentlessly was a sign that something had gone wrong during the drivers' media duties following their practice session.

Knowing Max like the back of her hand... Y/N knew it was him.

All they keep asking me

Is if I'm gonna be your bride

The only kind of girl they see

Is a one-night or a wife

"Hey, where's Max?" Y/N asked her father-in-law, Jos, who wore an angry look on his face. Although their relationship was distant, she knew that if anyone was aware of everything that was going on in her boyfriend's career, it was his father.

"Would also like to know." The man replied dryly, running a hand impatiently through his hair. "He just walked out of here like a fucking coward, and left the others here to sort out his shit."

Y/N swallowed hard, knowing it wasn't worth wasting time trying to defend Max as all the words she would say would go in one ear and out the other. "What happened?"

"That shitty reporter, that's what happened." The older Verstappen replied, raising his tone. "That bastard had the nerve to say on live TV that Max didn't deserve any of his titles, and he panicked like a pussy. I didn't raise him like that - I raised him to be a man, not a little boy."

Without a second thought, Y/N turned her back on the man and grabbed her phone, trying to call her partner, only for her call to go to voicemail.

Unconsciously, the girl opened her Instagram and immediately came across the reporter's now-viral video.

"He doesn't seem to be capable of winning a championship without some sort of scandal. First, Hamilton was obviously ripped off in Abu Dhabi; now, they award full points in a race that wasn't even half finished because of some apparent 'loophole'?! Favouritism at its best."

All of a sudden, the air seemed to have difficulty getting into the girl's lungs, the temperature seemed to have risen dramatically, and Y/N started to feel dizzy as the media started to bring up Max's history.

Max, where are you, she asked herself, begging for a sign of his presence.

I find it dizzying

They're bringing up my history

But you aren't even listening

Y/N looked everywhere: in the garage, in his driver's room, in all the different rooms in the motorhome, in the back of the building, in the cafeteria, everywhere. 

She was starting to run out of options, but she knew he had to be around somewhere since his exit from the circuit would not be discreet at all, quite the contrary.

If I were Max where would I hide from the world, she reflected, desperate to be reunited with her boyfriend. Of course! In the place where everyone least expected to find him.

With a hurried step and depositing complete confidence in this last and risky idea, Y/N set off on her way until she came face to face with the red walls, embellished with the Prancing Horse symbol.

Deviating towards the back of the Ferrari building, Y/N felt her heart return to its normal rhythm when she set her eyes on the image of his lover.

There he was, sitting on the grass, with his vision pointed to the sky, so small and so fragile that no one else would be able to see him hiding there.

The girl slowly approached the driver, almost afraid to startle him, until he eventually noticed her presence when she was only a few inches away from him. His shoulders visibly relaxed at the sight of his girlfriend, and a small, forced smile appeared on his face.

"Of course you found me," Max whispered, placing his hand on the girl's thigh, who was now sitting on the grass next to him. "I guess you already know what happened."

Y/N laid her head on his shoulder, hugging his strong arm. "Yeah, I saw it... I'm sorry Max, you don't deserve this."

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want for me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

That lavender haze

"I don't really care," Max spoke, shaking his head. "Let them say what they want. It doesn't matter to me."

"Baby…" The young woman knew that he was doing what he always did: bottling it up inside, hiding his feelings, just like he was taught to do his whole life.

"Liefje, don't worry. I'm fine, I promise."

"Max, stop doing this." Y/N touched his face, forcing him to look at her with his noticeably teary eyes.

"Y/N-"

"Max, please." The girl begged. "You don't have to pretend to be strong with me. You can be honest; you can scream, cry, freak out, you name it, and I'll always be here to listen."

The Dutchman took a deep breath in acceptance, leaning his head back against the red wall. "I'm just tired, you know? I try and try to do my best at all times and it's never enough. Not for the media, not for my dad, or-"

"For me, it's more than enough." The girlfriend interrupted. "And it should be enough for you too. You shouldn't care what others say… Especially your father." She teased, forcing a laugh out of Max's mouth.

The boy contemplated her words for a few seconds, placing a kiss on her temple. "I love you, you're the best."

"I know," She replied, bumping his shoulder playfully. "But I'm serious, Max. No one should have enough power over you that they can make you feel inferior, or less than you are. You are Max fucking Verstappen, two-time Formula 1 world champion. And so much more to come, I don't doubt it for a second."

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

The girl jumped to her feet, waking the driver from his own thoughts, and reached out to him with both her hands to help him get up on his feet too. "Come on, champ! Enough sulking here and let's face the world with our heads held high, shall we?"

Much calmer after getting it off his chest, Max looked at her with eyes shining with pride and, accepting her help, he got up. Instantly, his arms found their place around her waist, as did his lips on hers.

The couple shared a calm kiss, enjoying their moment of peace in the midst of such a chaotic situation.

"Thanks, schatje." Max said, returning his mouth to hers seconds later. "I can never thank you enough for everything you've done and do for me every day."

"I would do anything for you, baby." Y/N smiled wide, the dimples in her cheeks becoming noticeable. "Anything."

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want for me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

On their way to the Red Bull garage, the two reappeared in the paddock, hand in hand, eyes only on each other.

With them, dozens of photographers and journalists emerged from the shadows, hunting the Dutchman for his comments and trying to get controversial headlines for their next articles.

But from Max, they only managed to take away the magical smile he had stamped on his face while talking to his girlfriend.

It was almost as if nothing had happened to him, such was the confident and determined posture the driver now assumed.

There was nothing like a good dose of love to make someone feel on top of the world, and Max was living proof of that in front of all those prying eyes.

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

That lavender haze

I just wanna stay

The world could crumble around them and they would still manage to stay on their feet.

They were a team. They had the perfect balance between them, the strength to face any obstacle together. Like two separate souls born to be reunited, in this life and all lives to come. Born to be on their lavender haze forever.

"Just you and me, liefje." Max whispered so only she could hear over the screams and camera flashes.

Y/N pulled him by the arm closer to her body in search of the comfort he conveyed to her every time, and smiled discreetly at him.

"You and me against the world, my love."

I just wanna stay

In that lavender haze

taglist: @dan3avocado @starxqt @roseinnej @spiidergirlsworld @ccloaned @hotpigeon22 @dr3lover @lovelytsunoda @primadonnasdream @luxebeautystyle @wallfloweriism @ilivefortheleague @gwynethhberdara @satellitelh @adavenus @audreyscodes @wifeoflucyboynton @th6ccnsp6cyy @classifiedsblog @flyingmushroomss @motylekrozi @claramllera @gabrielamaex @handsupforamiracle @pierre-gasssllyy @lorenaloveslewis

@idkiwantchocolatee @simpforsunwoo @kissatelier @xweirdxsceletton @micksmidnights @miniminescapist @inchidentwithmax @hopelesslyromantics-world @alwaysclassyeagle @indieclarke @capela-miranda @okokoksblog-blog @pulpfixion @sins-only33 @sainzclerc @allisonxf1 @honethatty12

@amsofftrack @flannel-cures @junkiespromise @loudoperahumanoidpanda @honeyric3 @holy-macncheese-balls @ricciardosheart @pierreverstapkin @ravenqueen27 @majkaftorek @home-of-disaster @buendiabebeta @itgirlofnowhere @roses-of-eden @thewintersunset @rubychocolatechips

(taglist continues in the comments)

thank you to everyone that asked to be tagged! please let me know if you want to be added to the next stories! 💌

[cardiac-agreste]

How has the MLB fandom personally affected your day-to-day life, and what were the major things you used to do, in the fandom in your first year, that you no longer do.

I have way less free time thanks to the MLB fandom! And I wrote a novel! Yes, it's unpublishable as it is fanfiction, but I WROTE A NOVEL! Something I'd decided I wanted to do before I turned 40. And people like it?? SPLENDIFEROUS.

The big thing I used to do my first year that I (almost) no longer do is participate on the MLB subreddit, which is extremely toxic IMO. Just an absolute shit experience if you like the show. It often felt like I was one of the few people there who didn't hate it. It was not a happy time and place to be a fan!

I am there way less now. I'm so busy writing my fanfiction (like A Small but Stubborn Fire) that I can barely keep up with reading the fics I like (shout out @uptoolateart @wehadabondingmoment @nemaliwrites @raspberrycatapult @wackus-bonkus-maximus @monpetitchattriste @pisoprano @wield-the-mighty-pen @sing-in-me-oh-muse AND SO MANY MORE(seriously see attached screenshot how HUGE my backlog of subscribed fic chapters I have to catch up on!), let alone go get flamed on Reddit for daring to suggest that Marinette is fundamentally a good person.

For your reading "enjoyment," my autobiography

No one actually cares, but I'm on roll.

I was a huge anime fan in the 90s and early 00s. But then I moved to Japan and realized most anime is crap (just like most of any country's TV output is crap). But subtitles often make things sound more profound than the original. Fortunately yet unfortunately, I stopped needing them. (Plus the novelty of it that went away once I was in-country.)

So for about 10–15 years, I didn't watch any anime. Maybe a Ghibli or Satoshi Kon movie now and then.

Then sometime around the pandemic, maybe a bit before, I gave Naruto a go on Netflix after I'd seen a gazillion memes of geeks running strangely in parks. NFLX only had the first half, not Shippuden, so there was no closure for me. I decided to go to the fanfiction world after DECADES of not reading fanfiction. Like, I left the fanfiction world when I was reading Ranma 1/2, so the late 90s?

Anyway, there weren't websites for fanfiction back then. We used USENET. RAAC (rec.arts.anime.creative), specifically.

So I had to legit google to see where you went for fanfiction these days since, as you might have noticed, USENET is nigh on dead now, right? Gen Z out here asking "what is a usenet"

I discovered FFN and eventually Ao3. I kinda wore myself out of Naruto and decided to check out MLB fanfiction since I'd been watching it with my kids and I think we were waiting for the second half of S3 to show up on Netflix.

FUCKING HOOKED. CUE THE HYPERFIXATION.

So my first year deep in the fandom I was reading fanfiction constantly. Just a ridiculous amount. I think I might get the silver medal for amount consumed.

Anyway I'm getting tired of writing about myself (kind of a shocker actually), which means NO ONE is reading this far into what I've written. Point is, I got persuaded through some conversations to submit for the @mlbigbang and I wrote around 75K words and here I am.

FYI this is not reflective of the quality of my writing seriously go read my story, I will give you a refund if you don't like it

EDIT I FORGOT THE SCREENSHOT

[gucciwins]

How are Harry and bel doing? We miss themmmmm

That makes me so happy!!!! here's a tiny update 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 love you

____

Harry loves Japan, his time here has always been special. This time is no different, as he’s been able to catch up with old friends and meet new ones. He was excited to perform for his fans who were patient with him to bring the tour to Tokyo. 

The entire day he spent visiting old friends and trying new places to eat. He loved coming back because in some way many years ago it felt like home and coming back all those feelings came back. It was show day and he was buzzing to be in the arena but for some reason everyone has kept him from going in for one reason or the other. 

“That’s enough, let’s go.” Harry tells his crew and they all agree saying it was time anyway. 

Harry thought they were all acting weird but thought nothing of it. Walking into the venue everyone made up an excuse of having somewhere to be which was odd because everyone always liked to keep him company but now they were running away. Before he could question anyone about it, he walked in to find it decorated in pink streamers and purple balloons. The best part was that Bel was standing her with a small cake in hand screaming surprise. 

“Baby,” he breathed out taking her in. She was really here in his dressing room in Tokyo. Bel came out to him. “My love.”

He rushed forward giving her only a second to set down the cake and pick her up spinning her around as he breathed in her familiar scent. Harry was home with her in his arms. 

“Thought we’d gone long enough without seeing each other. Another day and I wouldn’t have survived,” Bel joked but they both knew there was truth to her words. 

“I love you,” he whispers. “I love you.” 

Bel laughs and it’s music to his ears. “I love you, thought it was time you showed me all around Japan and tell me more about why you love it so much.” 

Harry leans in and kisses her. Their lips welcoming each other moving in a familiar dance they know so well. “You being here only makes me love it more.”

____

It turns out everyone knew Bel was coming in to surprise him and although he gave him shit for it he was thankful for that alone time with her. They have successful shows and now he’s going to enjoy a few days in Tokyo with his love.

Harry convinced Bel to come out to a party a friend of his invited him. There is good food and music. Nothing more you need for a nice evening with friends. Bel and Harry have made their way back to each other laughing at stories Harry is telling her from years ago. 

She’s full of love and happy she’s able to give it to him through kisses, hugs, and words. “I don’t know why people say Paris is for lovers, I’m feeling pretty loved up here in Tokyo,” Bel tells him glad to wrapped in his arms. 

Harry laughs, kissing her cheek. “Think wherever we go is the reason love can be felt. Our love transcends more than one place, if anything I think it’s written in the stars.” 

Bel smiles up at him. “You’re absolutely right, mi estrella.”

[solradguy]

hi! can you tell your whole process for learning japanese on your own? where did you start? what resources did you utilise? how did you find and manage your time and maintain discipline? also, how long did it take you to reach fluency?

I am sooooo far from fluent hahaha I'm stumbling through this language Gromit-style

Ok, so, circa 2014 I was studying Norwegian because I really wanted to learn a secondary language (thx American school system...) and I really liked the cadence/feel of Norwegian. That was my entire reason for studying it, I just liked how it sounded lol. But by 2016 I'd learned enough of it from Duolingo that it was time to move on to more difficult study materials.

Which I could not find for the life of me.

I got frustrated and decided it'd probably be best to pick up another language. Japanese was the one I saw the most since a lot of my favorite artists are Japanese, some of my best inking supplies come from Japan (with Japanese packaging), and there used to be a really good local Japanese restaurant too (RIP). Duolingo had just launched an absolutely shit Japanese course that motivated me to look for better practice materials.

I think I started practicing the kana through just writing them a whole bunch before finding out about Tofugu's hiragana and katakana mnemonics-based study articles. From there I did the three free levels offered by Wanikani. Wanikani is awesome, I learned a lot through that program and wish the full version one-time purchase was more affordable... It's worth it, I'm just broke haha

After a while I lost interest in studying Japanese because it's so difficult/time consuming and tried out reconstructed Classical Latin (HARD!), Norwegian again, and just barely dipped my toes into Esperanto. About a year before I got into Guilty Gear (2020), I picked up Japanese again by refreshing my progress on Wanikani. The Duolingo course still sucked but it had gotten a tiny bit better with its kana study tool, though I dropped it again before long. What helped the most this time were books. I tried out these:

Genki - Not bad. I liked how it broke down parts of grammar. However, it's definitely written for a classroom setting. The topics/vocabulary were all school themed and, on top of feeling like I was missing vital information by self-studying, it just got boring.

Tae Kim's Guide to Learning Japanese - This has a physical version but I read it through the free app/website. Much more advanced than Genki, but made for self-study and as a grammatical reference tool. It went a bit over my head and was too fast-paced, I learn kinda slow... Now that I'm much better at Japanese, I should try it again.

Japanese From Zero - My favorite of the books I tried. Goes slower, made more for self-study, and has some free supplemental materials on their website.

While Japanese From Zero was working great, I was losing interest again because my brain CRAVES variety. Straight up translating stories has helped me more than anything else. Japanese Short Stories for Beginners by LingoMastery was a good investment alongside Barron’s Japanese Grammar by Carl and Nobuo Akiyama and Japanese Verbs & Essentials of Grammar by Rita L. Lampkin to help with grammar concepts Japanese Short Stories doesn't expand on enough. IMABI (website) is also a very good grammar reference guide. It can be a bit dry, but I like that. It doesn't waste time and is very direct.

Lingodeer has been invaluable too. The free version is smartphone app only, but that's fine since I usually study right before bed anyway. It has a 5 minute quiz that's just snappy enough to refresh my knowledge without being so long that my brain gets bored of the repetition. The lesson modules also do a really great job at explaining grammatical concepts. There are some other study tools, like specific ones for practicing grammar and vocabulary, that I like.

Then in 2021 I got into Guilty Gear. Boy, did I get into Guilty Gear. Translating GG books has helped me more than all of these other materials combined (except the Tofugu kana articles). HIGHLY recommend going a little crazy for a piece of Japanese media if you wanna learn the language.

I can't speak it for shit though, to be honest lmao. But I set out learning it to read things so that's fine; there are very, very, few Japanese speakers where I live anyway. What I mean by this is that I don't have any materials to suggest for learning how to speak it or to improve listening comprehension, sorry...

If I'm not currently working on a translation project (which counts as studying!!), I try to do at least one of these forms of practice each day:

10-15 minutes of Lingodeer

Do Anki flashcards until I get bored. There's a deck that's all 60 levels of Wanikani, though Wanikani itself is still better.

Practice kana stroke order for the ones I still sometimes struggle with （ツ、シ、ン、ソ......）and at least 5 kanji

Read something in Japanese. Lately this's been Japanese-English Translation: An Advanced Guide by Judy Wakabayashi

There's a page on my Neocities with some study tools but it needs updated with a few things I've since found that work better:

[himehikoshrine]

Himehiko Timeline

This is my best attempt to gather the information we get about the Tamasaka Himehiko line and thus the game universe timeline. It is based on what I've found in the game and bonus material, but it may yet be incomplete. If you have any information I'm missing, please let me know. It's also always possible we get more lore drops in extra material.

It'll be behind a cut, so I will edit any additional information into the post. If I add things, I'll try to keep track here of when the last edit was. This will obviously contain spoilers for the full game (especially Kisa's route - major spoilers for Kisa's route) as well as bits of side material. Specifically the First Anniversary Short Story and the Summer Light Novel, though also the pre-release short stories on the website and others.

Shout out to the other people who seem to have independently attempted the same project, including Anemone (@ snowblossom_jj on twitter) for something to double check myself against. Before I go right into the Himehiko Timeline, I'm going to put in some Japanese Theater History for context, though it's worth noting none of this is referenced specifically in the game and may differ within the Jack Jeanne universe.

As always, happy to answer questions via asks or elsewhere if you have them.

Japanese Theater History potentially of note.

1374 - Kan'ami (観阿弥) and 12 year old son Zeami (世阿弥) perform what would become known as Noh for the teenage shogun Ashikaga Yoshimitsu (足利 義満) who is so impressed by Zeami he gives him patronage. Zeami is educated in court and eventually becomes the Shogun’s lover. At 22, after his father’s death, he takes over the family troupe and begins to integrate his classical education and Buddhist instruction into the art. He goes on to formalize Noh, write plays for it, and treatises on acting and the Philosophy of Drama that continue to be informative to this day. 

Of note, the idea of “hana” 『花』 is one of his core tenants, and his formulation of “the flower of youth” vs “the flower of experience” is referenced in game, though not credited. 

1603 - Izumo no Okuni (出雲 阿国) creates Kabuki. It is originally performed by a troupe of all women.

1629 - Women are banned from Kabuki for “morality” leading to the form being taken over by “young men” who are later also banned for being too sexy, in moves through the next several decades. 

Probably by the timeline we are given for Tamasaka, in our world, Kabuki would have been established as an all male form of theater, with men playing women’s roles referred to as “onnagata” as they are to this day. It is unclear if this history happens the same within the Jack Jeanne universe, as no mention of Kabuki itself happens in game, and Tamasakaza isn’t placed within it as a larger tradition, despite being described in much the way Kabuki is, suggesting perhaps in the Jack Jeanne universe, history diverges at some point.

1680s - Bunraku, (then known as Jourui) a form of Puppet Theater takes on something close to its modern form and starts becoming increasingly popular. Many famous Kabuki plays were originally written “for the puppets” and the literary tradition is considered overlapping. 

1683 - Chikamatsu Monzaemon (近松 門左衛門, 1653 – 1725) has his first verified play produced. He is sometimes called the “Shakespeare of Japan”. He would continue writing plays for both puppet theater and kabuki, until around 1715. He was a writer, but did not act. He is most famous for his lovers’ suicides. 

HIMEHIKO TIMELINE

1st Himehiko - His name was Chuza Tsukihiko (中座月彦), and he lived sometime in the “mid-Edo period’ about 300 years before the present. Specific dates are hard to pin down, but we’re looking at around (or maybe a little before or after) 1700. It is likely not exactly 300 years ago, give or take a few years, as no one in the game mentions any kind of anniversary, and you’d assume the 300th (or 200th of the established settled troupe) would be marked and mentioned.

He’s canonically called a "bishonen" and was known to be able to play both male and female roles. At this time, in our universe, no women would have been allowed on stage. We know his troupe was all male.

He receives the patronage of a local lord (much like Zeami) - the lord of the castle in Hiraki - Hiraki Matsubara (開松原). Matsubara was considered very talented and is credited with the town flourishing under his rule as well as the creation of Tamasaka and Tamasakaza.

He is given the name Tamasaka Himehiko 玉阪 比女彦 which he takes on, and which becomes the title passed down. (The name "Tamasaka" is mentioned to maybe be a play on the word 『��さか』 implying a "rare, unusual kind of talent")

Though the troupe itself will be considered a traveling troupe for the next 100 years, it seems to have a sort of home base on that lord’s land. They are given land for a stage there, the forebearer of the Tamasaka theater that exists to day.

We know little about him, but one thing we know is that he was quite fond of the story of the catfish god in Ayahama (which is historically near where Hiraki Castle is), and used to dance in tribute there. The relationship between Tamasaka and the hot springs goes back all the way to him.

There is one Wisteria tree on Mt. Oodate, and he is said to have been fond of it. (Fuji Musume - 藤娘- is one of the most famous Kabuki dance/plays, though technically it would have, in our universe, postdated the first generation Himehiko, it is likely a reference).

He dies of “severe, violent emotional suffering”. 

He is enshrined in Himehiko shrine, and may actually be buried there. He is worshipped there as a god of theatre, and a bringer of fortune in other endeavors as well. This would imply the shrine is established well before the troupe settles.

2nd - The next Himehiko is the elder brother of the first. We don’t know if the rule that was later in place that the title be passed to someone under the age of 30 was in place yet. It may imply that the troupe, like Zeami’s was a family affair at least in part, from the beginning, if his brother was considered the natural next head.

3rd - The eldest son of the 2nd.

History that happens at an unclear point in the timeline after this --

At some point after this, though it does not seem to be specifically after the 3rd, in the way it’s told, one generation of Himehiko will choose to pass the title onto an adopted son. Rather than the adopted son taking the Chuza name as well, this son becomes the start of a new branch family, known as the Tamasaka branch. From this point on, the title will occasionally pass between the Tamasaka and Chuza branches, eventually developing into quite the rivalry. The Tamasaka branch became known as “true flowers” or the more talented of the two branches. The exact timeline of all of this unclear.

At some point, after several early, tragic deaths of people carrying the Himehiko name, both branches of the family begin to speak of a “Himehiko Curse” - which causes those who take the title to die young. They believe in this so strongly that people from both branches will sometimes pass up the title, or defer it, to try to avert the fate. However, it doesn’t seem to be something that affects every Himehiko. Just enough of them for it to be considered a threat in the family.

How it operates and if it is one of the genuine supernatural forces in the Jack Jeanne universe is unclear. The first Himehiko dies of severe mental suffering. The cause of death for others is not established.

It is possible that, either supernaturally or non-supernaturally, it is the distillation of the stress, politics, rivalries, burdens, and expectations of the theatre.

All of this happens and is well established between the 3rd Himehiko and the 10th Himehiko, but specifics are vague.

At some point, a rule is added that the title is past to a young man under the age of 30.

It seems some people may pass the title down before they die, rather than it only transferring via death. It is unclear the effect this has on the curse within the narrative of it. At another point, rather than taking the full stage name of Himehiko, each generation takes only half as their stage name - either Hime or Hiko, plus an additional character. This was done to try to avoid the “curse”. It does not work. 

4th - A tree in the courtyard of Himehiko Shrine, which contains many trees, including many fruit trees, is said to have been planted by him. All we get is that the tree is “planted in the lucky direction.”

It is possible this is an Ume tree, which apparently can be considered a protective charm against evil and is traditionally planted in the northeast corner of a garden. Other than this, I can’t find much — the other mentions of lucky directions change by year, and don't seem to be what’s being referred to.

5th - nothing is known

6th - nothing is known

7th - Established Tamasaka Drama School as per random Neji encounter. Neji says he ‘fell in love with…’ and is then cut off. We get no other info from that encounter, or elsewhere. 

It’s possible that the establishing of the Drama School coincided with the settling of the Troupe from a traveling one to a stationary one, but that’s not mentioned directly. If so, that would put 7th at about 100 years after the 1st, and about 200 years before the present.

It is unclear if from this point on all Himehiko’s also serve as Principal of the School or not.

At some point “several generations back (from present)” the principal of the school plants Night Jasmine on Mt. Oodate.

(About 200 years ago, the Takashina Style of dance is founded as a family dance tradition. It has no association with Tamasakaza, but given it’s part of the timeline we get, plus the Kabuki/Nihon Buyo overlap in our universe, I’m putting it on here.)

8th - The tree he planted at the shrine is the most prominent one. No other info is known.

9th - nothing is known.

10th - From the Tamasaka Line. Very likely the older brother of the 11th - According to the Anniversary Short Story, he dies a shocking and tragic death (that would fit within the narrative of the Himehiko Curse). The title would then be passed to his younger brother.

11th - Real name Tamasaka Shikitoshi 玉阪 志木年 - stage name unknown. He is the current head of the troupe during the Meiji era merger of Hikari and Tamasaka, as depicted in the Anniversary Short Story. That takes place in 22nd year of the Meiji Era - 1889, giving us our first firm date. 

According to Tancho, the lead Hiko actor at the time was rather critical and nagging of him, but in the events depicted in Neji’s play, ultimately is willing to almost give his life to protect 11th.

In Neji’s telling of the events he is described as innovative, as well as a very shrewd politician. And rather indifferent or reckless about threats against his own life. 

He has two daughters and no sons. Presumably no one else in the Tamasaka branch has any sons of eligible age either. To prevent the name from passing back to the Chuza branch, and perhaps as a test on the limits of the Himehiko Curse, to see if it would spare women, Shikitoshi passes the title to his second daughter. 

We have no information on why not the first daughter - whether she was over 30, or less skilled, or didn’t want it - all we know is that he passed it to his second daughter.

12th - The second daughter of the 11th. Member of the Tamasaka Family. First and only female Himehiko. The tree she donated to the shrine is marked with an actor’s crest of clappers — something recognizable as specifically belonging to her. 

Despite being a woman, she was not just a figurehead, and actively acted in Tamasaka Plays. There is at least one that she was quite fond of, that involved a Kimono salesperson and a woman walking around on “Izayoi” - a play that the troupe stopped performing after her early and tragic death. 

Tagane was involved in a revival of this play at some point, likely a pretty clear sign of his loyalty to the Tamasaka Branch faction.

At some point, it is likely that she placed a platinum Kanzashi bearing her crest in a wooden box in a tree hollow near Himehiko Shrine, following the superstition and custom born out of the Tamasaka play “Tearful Kanzashi." “Tearful Kanzashi" depicts a young woman (the fourth daughter of a man with no sons, who is abused and locked away by her father in anger after her birth also kills her mother) putting the Kanzashi her lover gives her into a tree by a shrine she stops at to pray to be reunited with him in the next life, before throwing herself off a cliff. (For more, see the Summer Light Novel chapter).

This also takes place on the 16th night of the lunar cycle. It is unclear if the play is the same one — but since the summary is given to Suzu and Kisa by a Kimono salesman, it seems unlikely that it wouldn’t include that detail if it were the same — rather it seems likely Tearful Kanzashi predates the 12th, and Tamasaka just has a lot of plays that use "Izayoi" in them.

This may indicate that the 12th takes her own life like the woman in the play, but it’s all speculation beyond that her death fits within the narrative of the Himehiko Curse.

After her early, tragic death, the title passes back to the Chuza Branch, and the whole incident/experiment is considered a disaster. 

12th's older sister, and thus the surviving Tamasaka Branch go into hiding of some kind. She has children, thus continuing the line, under an assumed name. The Tamasaka branch retains supporters both in the troupe and the town, who believe that the Tamasaka branch have true talent that the Chuza branch lacks.

13th - Chuzu Dairi (中座内吏), stage name Uchihime (内比女).

After the death of the 12th, the title passes back to the Chuza line for the first time in 80 years. He quickly makes a new rule, reserving the Himehiko title for the Chuza branch, further pushing the Tamasaka branch into hiding and out of power.

We know he was born in the Meiji era (ended 1912) and lived until Showa (started 1926).

He had a strong interest in western style plays and musicals, and is the one who renamed the Tamasaka Drama School to Univeil Drama School, as well as changing the roles from Hiko and Hime to Jack and Jeanne within the school.

(For what it’s worth, Takarazuka is started in 1913. It was based heavily on western, particularly French musical Revue in direct contrast to Kabuki. It was started by a businessman in the city of Takarazuka as an all women’s theater company. Much of Jack Jeanne is based on a gender swap of Takarazuka as inspiration, but its timeline and the actual style of Tamasaka do not match Takarazuka. But this is a Himehiko Timeline so no more on Takarazuka for now.)

He apparently made a good deal of innovations to the troupe as well, and seems to have been quite active and hands on in both.

It’s hard to pin down how long and exactly when he lived and was in charge.

Kisa’s class being the 78th class would put the first numbered class in 1942, which is a particularly strange year for a traditional theater school in Japan for young, fit boys to be rebranding to a western aesthetic. It would literally be months after the attack on Pearl Harbor and several years into a war that greatly disrupted all forms of theater, calling most able bodied men to arms, rather than dance - so that’s something to consider when trying to fit the timeline. Perhaps there are years missing - a reversion to the old name, a pause in the numbering, but for some reason they pick up from where they left off, rather than restart? There is no indication in any material of any of this, either way.

14th - Takahiko (鷹彦) - the grandfather of Chuza Shuri, the current/18th Himehiko. Written with the character for “Hawk” and is noted as having very sharp eyes, but otherwise looking very much like Shuri. The game’s timeframe puts him taking up the title some time when black and white portraits were still most common, but recent enough that an old lady alive and walking around Tamasaka remembers him as a young man.

Apparently, he married a wealthy local family’s daughter after taking the position of Himehiko - and this old woman remembers having a crush on him at the time, and being disappointed - so one could guess that she was at least in her teens then.

The game’s menu actually says he’s the one who designed the school, rather than 13th - so perhaps Takahiko is the one who designed it architecturally - even if the rebrand happened before hand. 

15th - nothing specifically is known

16th - nothing specifically is known

17th - nothing specifically is known

We know nothing about these or the order they were in, but one was almost certainly Shuri's father. In the anniversary short story, Tancho mentions Shuri's father by name. His name seems to have been Chuza Osamu (中座倫). From what Tancho says, the implication is that Shuri's father maybe have been principal before him, whether right before or not is not clear, or if he served this role concurrent with the title of Himehiko or not is also unclear. As previously stated, it's unclear if Principal of the School and Head of the Troupe are jobs all Himehiko's serve as part of the title, or if only some do. So it's possible that he held one and not the other or one for longer than the other - i.e. continued running the school after passing the name down or something.

All we get is the name, and that Tancho both knew/knows him and what his preference for incense was/is (and that its different than Shuri's).

It is possible an uncle and/or brother of his also held the position, as there is a nephew of his in Tamasakaza right now, which means Shuri has at least one (almost certainly) older sibling.

18th - Chuza Shuri (中座秋吏), stage name Akihime (秋比女) (Written with the character for Autumn, a kanji from his given name).

Currently the principal who is not well liked by Tamasaka Elders. Still seems to technically be the head of the troupe, but displays no desire to actually do anything onstage and finds his obligations to the Troupe to be a chore. Considers himself decent enough at both dance and singing (apparently singing is something Chuza branch is usually considered weaker in, or so he says).

He is in tension with the board over many things - Chui says the situation around him is “worse than you know,” implying there may be far more going on than anyone tells Kisa, and thus the player. 

The Tamasaka Elders seem, from what we’re told, to want to make Univeil into more of a training school for Tamasaka (again?) - and Chuza is resistant to the idea.

19th - In a weekend event, the old lady in Tamasaka who tells Kisa about the 14th seems to state Akihime is the previous rather than current Himehiko (at least in the English). But everyone else seems to refer to him as the current one. Maybe she’s misremembering, maybe she’s got Opinions on his lack of participation and how much the board hates him - which she also mentions. Who knows.

The two candidates for the position seem to be Chui - the Tamasaka branch heir, and already seen as kind of a god, and Shuri's nephew (mentioned in a VERY missable Sou event on 8/1 - who is currently a Hime actor in Tamasaka, who is “treated like a king” as part of the Chuza family there. He apparently doesn’t resemble Shuri much.)

One presumes the Tamasaka board has its factions on which one they support, and, regardless, are preparing them to hold the position more to the boards liking than Shuri.

[polyamoryisbestgirl]

Mato Shihei no Slave

TLDR: Slave to Hells Soldiers is a really fun adventure full of flashy action, well thought out characters, and a story that makes you want to dive deeper or (in my personal opinion) even inspire you to add to the world

Summary: When the monster-filled world of Mato opened in modern day Japan, the whole world is threatened by the Shuuki that inhabit it. Even more mysterious are the peaches found in Mato as they give women who eat them special powers. Yukki Wakura is an average student who when walking home one day, worrying about his future as an office worker, a gate opens before him. During his rescue the captain of the demon corps 7th unit Kyouka Uzen grants him extraordinary strength and a monstrous form... as her slave. 

Romance: StHS is action first and romance second, but that's not to say that the romance is bad!. With the strong characters and the dynamics built between them, there is a great foundation that the authors build upon very well. 

Action: StHS action is extremely well done, maybe even some of the best I have seen. It is flashy, and fun, and builds to be larger than life. Refreshingly, you can really feel the growth of the characters through practice and new techniques, rather than getting a new big power up right before the big boss.

Slave to Hell's Soldiers (Mato Seihei no Slave, officially localized as Chained Soldier) is an erotic action manga with romantic subplots, written by Takahiro and illustrated by Youhei Takemura. This review will be up to chapter 125 as that is what I  have access to unless some major things do change.  When I read it a year or two ago I enjoyed it enough, but, coming back and rereading for this review had me falling in love. The story is quick but done very well, with very few scenes that don't build the story, the world, or the characters and their dynamics. It's a prime example of efficiency in writing. When not building up the story or characters, it is pure action and - sometimes - pure fan service. The Action is fast and fluid - doing a good job of keeping you on the edge of your seat. Even if you know who will win (and there are times where you might be wrong) StHS keeps you wondering what will come next. StHS has built enough faith and trust with me to feel that my recommendation is worth it.

If you look at the story from just a beat-by-beat perspective, then it really is not too out of the ordinary. How those moments are crafted, though, really brings the whole manga to life. The efficiency of the story comes from author skill and maximizing the use of every scene. Most if not all scenes fit multiple purposes, never is there a moment of dead air. A good example of this would be the fan service: It starts off purely for the erotica, but as the audience and characters would be getting used to its presence, Takahiro adds more elements to it. A good example is how everyone reacts to having to do sexual favors as a reward for Yuuki.  Another example is how the characters talk about the latest battle - or what their plans for the next battle, thus adding even more characterization. 

There is an exception: the action. StHS is about action first and foremost; and it takes the  time to let you really enjoy it. There is still some characterization and story in these moments, but the focus never moves away from the fight. Unlike a lot of other action stories that have the protagonist get stronger with a power up seemingly out of nowhere, the reader sees Yuuki and the rest of the Mato Corps train and think about new strategies - even if we don't see them in action until the next large threat comes along a few chapters later. Allowing the growth feels earned and worked for in the quickly paced story of StHS. 

Even when we look at the action as isolated moments instead of as a whole, it is larger than life, often with threats that could take out entire cities if not more - and you really feel the threat. There is not a major fight that is one sided. The person in control is passed back and forth as both sides use different strategies and learn to fight each other mid-combat. That is, with the exception of The Commander of the Defence Corp, who can seemingly take out any threat that comes her way - to the point that no threat that even makes her worry has come yet. It's hard to write a character so overpowered whose strength is still felt. Slave to Hell's Soldiers accomplished it. The protagonists don't win every time, they don't lose in a major way where someone dies or is injured in lasting ways (mostly due to healing powers), but even without that threat you stay on the edge of your seat, biting to find what happens next.

Right after a large fight things need to wind things down and let you rest before the action kicks up again, StHS does this by having Kyouka Uzen's slave ability give a "Reward". This reward system is described as giving a fitting reward to the slave for the work they did based on their latent desires. For Yuuki, this tends to be erotic. There is some level of dubious consent - as the people giving the reward have no control of their bodies - but after Yuuki learns what the reward tends to be, he talks to whoever would be using the power and they have reason they would be ok with the sexual acts. Oftentimes they see the rewards as a means to an end. Others like Yuuki enough that they would do the same acts even without it being forced. In the case of Tenka, she just joins in without any need to, though I would love to see the form Yuuki takes under her control. 

This does bring up the problem of age, though. Yuuki starts the story as a highschool senior, and the character ages are never stated in the story or even in the character bios between chapters. There are hints that time has passed and the cast has since aged, such as when Yuuki calls his friend and they mention that they haven't talked since they were in high school - as if they were in college or were an office worker. With younger characters such as Nei Ookawamura - who is in elementary School they tone it down to the point that it is no longer sexual. She only gives him a kiss on the cheek or head pats. 

The reasoning Slave to Hell's Soldiers provides for having its erotic moments is very light, and it's obvious that it is only there as much as is needed, as it doesn't build on other parts of the manga. It never becomes a point of conflict in the story, but it does build on the lighthearted tone that the series has. 

Outside of the erotic moments, the romance is done very gradually, and hasn't taken the focus of any chapter. There is a lot of character building and showing the relationship growth between Yuuki and the rest of the cast, giving StHS a stable foundation for when the romantic relationships do take a more solid form. Having established that they do care for each other a lot, but explained to the audience (and the chief to herself), as being a fellow soldier or worker rather than romantic. This stays the case until Kyouka starts becoming jealous of Yuuki spending time with other girls. 

Jealousy In stories is a double edged sword. If done well, you can have characters show more emotions - which is especially useful if the character keeps emotions hidden away from others and themselves. Done poorly, it leads to the audience being annoyed at a character and the plot entirely, as the easiest solution of communicating with each other is avoided. In Slave to Hell's Soldier's, it is done beautifully: as they set up the jealousy to where Kyouka doesn't know why she would feel that way; and before she could act on it, Yuuki decides to avoid Lending (the power that lets others control Yuuki and change his form) unless necessary. Even when the plot point is brought back up, by learning that the Lending process powers up the base form as well, Kyouka and Yuuki talk about it and decide together what to do. 

An interesting choice the author makes is that the two people first to  fall in love with Yuuki - and who are most open about their love - are Shushu Suruga and Tenka Izumo. Yet, these two never really use Lending. Shushu often even stops other girls from trying to seduce Yuuki, despite not really getting many moments of just the two of them after she falls in love. Tenka Izumo on the other hand, jumps into others' rewards because she wants the skinship. She even treats Yuuki’s sister as her own, acting like she and Yuuki are already married.

Writing aside, the art style is really cute. It starts off round and expressive, only to calm down and become more generic after the first chapter. It is still really good and the forms that Yukki takes contrast their surroundings by being very sharp and angular, causing  them to stand out and stick in the reader's mind. These forms, either through lending or with Himari Azuma, are distinct and representative of each character, keeping you excited to see the next form. Inspirational in the truest form, I kept Imagining myself in the world and thinking about what powers I would have.

Slave to Hell's Soldiers is an absolute blast of a read that I would recommend to anyone interested in a Erotic-Action-based Harem, especially if you like making fan works. With artstyle so round that sharpens to make stunning characters and monsters. A simple story that is so tight and sleek that it does what it wants and does it amazing. 

I will keep reading it as it releases and have high hopes for where it is going.

[kimberlyannharts]

Oh btw. I’ve been thinking about this and I wanted to talk about it with someone else who actually Watches Power Rangers. Do you feel like the way some of the crew have talked about Super Sentai over the years has felt kinda… idk, dismissive? Like, rather than a sister show it’s treated like a weird Shackle?

Like, the whole “cosmic fury isn’t LIMITED by (Literally One Of My Top 5 Sentai)” combined with “I think to be successful Power Rangers should move away from Over The Top Suit Acting” and whatever? It doesnt feel good to think about even the moments I like being made by people that dont understand WHY it rules and are dismissive of other projects within the genre

Something I will say right off the bat is it's not wrong to say the writers for Power Rangers are held back by needing to comply with Sentai footage. There have been many, MANY examples throughout the years of PR's writing being affected by the direction of the Sentai they're adapting; whether it's two characters specifically having a relationship because of their interactions in the footage or some bullshit about a White Ranger clone because we wrote our White Ranger turning good too early or whatever.

HOWEVER. I think what made Simon's comments about it so irritating is him talking about the limitations as if these previous examples don't exist. Like his team is the one who REALLY suffered by needing to write a story around Sentai's footage. And using that as a shield for poor writing. Because ultimately at the end of the day how you adapt to limitations depends on how well you can write. As I've said before, Power Rangers has been working on limitations since its very inception. RPM is infamous for taking a cutesy animal car Sentai and turning it into a post-apocalyptic dystopia story in a way that worked really well. And it's especially irritating for Simon to try this because nowadays Power Rangers and Super Sentai have a much closer relationship than before; with Toei actively working to make seasons that can be easily adapted into PR. Chip Lynn had to make In Space out of a sentai series that DIDN'T GO TO SPACE and Time Force out of a sentai series that DIDN'T TIME TRAVEL. And those seasons? Beloved! Because they were written well! (I recommend reading The Passion of Chip for a more in-depth discussion of this.)

And ironically, based on what Simon has described, the limitations of the past few years feel more on America's side than Japan's. Episodes needing a moral, easy-to-mold suits, episodic stories over overarching, subdued emotion, etc. are all mandates from Nick or Hasbro. Meanwhile Simon had confirmed that they considered Tyramigo too cumbersome to use so they just didn't even bother adapting him. So you guys could just....choose to not adapt a Sentai character? That doesn't sound very limiting.

So going back to Simon's comments on Cosmic Fury and Kyuranger - I think the fact of the matter is Simon and co. wanted to make their Power Rangers skew more towards a pseudo-Star Wars/Marvel type of show (as those properties are the big money makers here in the West) but couldn't as......those properties are not tokusatsu. Power Rangers is tokusatsu. There's no getting away from that, even if other properties are more successful or you only use original footage. And your personal feelings on tokusatsu can be brushed aside if you're able to give a product that holds up well enough on its own despite your personal feelings (again, RPM) but.............Simon's seasons are not good enough to do that lol

[owlettie]

Kaiju No. 8 Fan Comic Expansion

A written scenario from the comic I drew. It’s more like a self insert OC x Gen Narumi thing. More oc than anything.

I have no beta testers, just grammarly. Bear with me.

Tags: Cringe (lovingly), Yume ship, Self Insert OC, OcxCanon build up, More OC lore, timeskips within each hyphen, this takes place 3-4 years before main story, I am hopelessly in love with Gen, yapping sess in the end

Word count: 1.58 K (Last time I wrote this much was my 5th grade hetalia fanfic lmao)

Arriving in Japan’s hot summer only to train for less than a month for the auditions is crucial for Persephone. It was her only chance to escape all of the negative people and memories from her old country; moving to the country of Kaiju seemed like a haven for her.

Unlike the average person who wishes to become a JAKDF officer, she had connections to high-ranking officials in her youth.

In her first year of high school, she won a scholarship program to live in Japan for a year to study their culture and history. The citizens never knew peace when it came to Kaiju. It was her first time learning about what that word meant. Her host sister and Persephone wanted to go grocery shopping, but they were in the crossfire of Yoju Kaijus crawling around. Persephone rose to distract the Yoju in a crisis, buying her sister time to run away and hide. Her unruly brown locks hit across her face as she uses the reptilian-like Yoju’s scales as a shield and blade. She was effectively damaging the Yoju’s legs, immobilizing them. Before Persephone could give it a finishing blow, the officers from the First Division arrived. They were impressed with the potential growing inside of her, a simple business card was handed in case the future of hers were to change and work for them. To their wishes and her unfortunate circumstances, it became true.

Scoring a spot for the First Division is no easy feat. It’s where the best of the best reins to protect its fellow citizens. For Persephone to be a foreigner, many eyes were on her. She knew that coming to Japan would have a lot of high expectations on her, even if she wasn’t that fluent in the language the aura around them was tense. It was orientation for all of the new officers joining the division. Persephone stood in the front row as Captain Gen Narumi and Vice Captain Eiji Hasegawa welcomed them.

Seeing Hasegawa in a professional light was a bit jarring for the woman to perceive but she adapted quickly as he will now be one of her bosses rather than a guardian. Narumi is a recently instated captain. He was known to have a more casual air around him but all the officers treated him seriously and professionally. Hasegawa reminded her before the ceremony about Narumi; informing her that they were both similar with high aptitudes before wielding a Kaiju’s part. Hearing it from the tall gentleman, it was clear that she would be just as talented and powerful as The Captain of The First Division.

‘Narumi Gen…I will become stronger so I can become your equal.’ Her rosy pink eyes stare intensely at the two-tone-haired man.

-

Training is essential for everyone, and Persephone was no exception. Aside from sleeping, eating, and drawing, training was the main focus. Spending hours training and working out, the petite girl heads out of the room. A figure walked past her like nothing but she was quick to realize it was the captain. She must make a good first impression. Persephone stood straight with a smile, “Good Evening, Gen-san!” She exclaimed in gratitude and respect.

Narumi stood still for a moment, questioning if he heard her right. ‘Gen-san? Oh right, she’s a foreigner. Okay.’ Quickly realizing the person he passed, the male simply shrugged it off, a slight head nod before walking away.

‘I did it. He listened…I think? Oh well. I need to go to my dorm room. Gen-san is very respectful, right? I’ll be sure to call him that again next time.’

-

“Gen-san! Good work out there, today!” A bright smile beams on her face as the division makes their way back to headquarters. The male with his slick back hair let out an audible sound of amusement. During their previous passes, it was just the two of them but now the entire division looked back at the sudden closeness and familiarity that the rookie has to the captain.

Shinonome gently tugged on the brunette’s arm before whispering in her ear.

”Castellano, Gen is his first name. Narumi is his surname. We call him Narumi-san, not Gen-san.” It was straightforward but kind which only made the Latina woman’s cheeks flare up into a deep rose color.

”EEEEeeeeehhhhhhhh?????!!!???!” Her shock gasps, staring at the platoon leader and back at the captain; practically giving herself whiplash as the officers surrounding them whisper and chuckle among themselves.

“I’m so sorry!” Persephone quickly bowed at 90 degrees, wishing that no one else could see her red and embarrassed face.

“You can apologize to me with your strength,” Narumi stated, breaking the silence as Persephone looked up with a relieved look.

”Yes sir!”

-

Even though Narumi Gen can be childish and lazy aside from his Kaiju slaying duties, Persephone tends to be similar whenever she’s free from training. Following the platoon leader’s informative correction of Persephone’s respectful words, the girl hasn't brought herself to call the captain, “Narumi-san.” No matter how hard she tries.

“Ugh, it’s so weird to call him like that when I’ve been calling him Gen-san the entire time!! Whhhyyy!!! You would think that by watching anime as a kid and going to a Japanese school I should know!! I should know!! Aaahhhh, it’s so cringey!! It’s a simple surname. It’s Na….Na…Nananaaa..ruuuu..Mimi….Naru…Naru…mmm…iiii…”

”Castellano. You’re still here?”

”AAAahh! I mean- y-yes! Uueeh?! N-Na-Na-Nar-Narumi—sa-sa-saaa-“

”Gen-san is fine.” He raised his hand up to reassure her. His hair was down, and his choppy layered dyed bangs covered his eyes a bit, leaving his face more obscure to the rookie.

”Gen-sama.” A spur of the moment Peresephone’s mind completely jumped to an honorific for the gods, it caught both of them off guard. Realizing her mistake, she made an sideways L shape on her right hand to tuck under her chin to play it off like a joke. This threw off Narumi where he was holding back his laughter until it spilled everywhere. A hearty laugh escapes her lips struggling to maintain a smile from the embarrassment and humor.

“HAHAAHAHAA GEN-SAMA? I KNOW I’M THE BEST BUT PFFFTT AHAHAHAAHAH!” His hands wrapped around his waist as he bent over from laughter. The girl’s face went red but let out a fit of giggles seeing this new side of the captain.

“Gen-san! Gen-san! I won’t call you that again. Or in front of them.” Her lips curl up into an amused smile, calming down as Gen looks back at her.

“Mm. Gen-san is fine if it’s from you. I‘ve seen how you train, let that be Gen-sama’s privilege to you.” His tone became playful, reassuring her that it was all good, a slight tease to the sama part.

“Oh, Gen-sama is so gracious. I will do my best.” A teasing phrase to him.

“’If it’s only me?’ What does that even mean? Is it because I’m a foreigner? Must be huh…gaijin privileges is..interesting.”

—————

This is the comic in question if this is your first time seeing this. Thank you for making it to the very end.

[totowlff]

chapter four — 200km/h

➝ elisabeth never wanted to visit the nurburgring, where her father nearly lost his life. fate had other plans.

➝ word count: 2,2k

➝ warnings: mentions of car accident

➝ author’s note: after that awful race in japan, guess we need something to decompress.

JULY, 2013

Elisabeth’s favorite part of her dad picking her up from school was going home. Despite being a driver, Niki always preferred to walk from the Lycée Français to their house, just to spend some time with her and her brothers. That Thursday was no different.

Lukas and Mathias ran ahead, chasing each other through Liechtensteinpark with their red backpacks on their backs. Elisabeth walked quietly alongside her father, with a firm grip on his hand. Looking up at him, she studied his face for a few seconds before questioning him. 

— Daddy, can I ask you a question?

— You just asked one, Mauslein — he replied, a mischievous smile on his lips.

— Okay, can I ask another one?

— You just did  — Niki said, holding back a laugh.

— Daddy! — Elisabeth laughed, tugging at his hand.

— Okay, ask your question.

— Why do you have those scars?

The smile faded from her father’s face. Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, he crouched in front of his daughter, his eyes worried under his red cap.

— Did someone say something to you at school? — he asked her, his voice quiet.

— No, Daddy — she whispered, a little startled by his reaction.

— You know you can tell me anything, don’t you, Elisabeth?

— Nobody said anything, Daddy. I just want to know.

Niki sighed, standing up again. He took his daughter’s hand again, his gaze fixed straight ahead as he followed the path back to their house, without saying another word.

Elisabeth knew that her father had been a Formula 1 driver and a good one. The walls and shelves of her childhood home  were filled with memorabilia from those heydays, from photos to a red helmet, with the name written in white letters. However, she never failed to notice that the scars so characteristic of her father did not appear in images of his first conquest, in 1975.

She had connected the dots.

— When did it happen, Daddy? — she asked, after a few minutes of walking next to him in silence.

— It was ten years before you were born, Mauslein. At the Nürburgring.

Unlike her older brothers and father, Elisabeth never wanted to go to Nürburgring. While Niki seemed well resolved on the matter, Mathias and Lukas dreamed of driving there since they were children. As for her, there was no reason to go. It had been enough to have heard the near-tragic story of her father on that walk between the Lycée Français and her house.

Of course, she’d had several opportunities to experience the “Green Hell”, as the track was nicknamed, but she declined every single one of them. Whenever questioned, Elisabeth stated that she had no desire to visit the “drivers’ graveyard”, but when the week of the German Grand Prix arrived, she found herself with no way out.

— Dad, it’s more important for you to be there than me — she tried to tell her father, still in Vienna, while he organized his luggage — You are the non-executive chairman of the team.

— What’s the point of going if my right-hand won’t be there? — Niki snapped, tucking a navy blue sweater into his suitcase.

She raised an eyebrow.

— I thought your right-hand was Toto — Elisabeth muttered, looking down to her father’s luggage.

— He’s the left one — he replied, making his daughter laugh — Now go pack your bags. We leave tomorrow morning.

She knew arguing with her father was a losing battle.

He always got what he wanted.

So, there she was, on a hot Thursday morning, watching the mechanics and engineers move around in the team’s garage at the Nürburgring. The car in the garage, however, was not the W04, the silver and teal Formula 1 car she was used to seeing being tuned for free practice, but a modern sports car, with a long hood and flowing lines.

Beside it, her father was discussing something about the vehicle with Toto, who was leaning against the silver bodywork, arms crossed over his chest and a smile on his face. Before she knew it, Elisabeth was approaching the two of them.

— Has the W04 been updated? — she joked, smiling.

— Not yet, Liesl — Toto replied, chuckling, the sound warming her chest — This is Mercedes-AMG’s newest launch, the SLS AMG GT.

— It’s very pretty. Fast, too, I assume.

— It goes from 0 to 100 kilometers per hour in 3.7 seconds — Toto replied. Her eyes went wide — Another masterpiece from Affalterbach.

Elisabeth looked at the car again, turning her attention to the interior. It had black leather upholstery throughout. The stitching was matched to the silver tone of the seatbelts. Two open-faced helmets were sitting on the front seats, which could only mean one thing.

— Are you going to test it? — she asked, looking at Toto.

— Yes, I even invited your father to ride with me for a lap.

— Thanks, but I know someone who would like to go more than I do —  Niki said, putting a hand on his daughter’s shoulder.

— Dad, no — Elisabeth muttered, giving him a reproachful expression.

Toto smiled at her.

— You want to, Liesl?

— Of course she does, she loves speed — her father said, a mischievous smile on his face.

— For God’s sake, Dad…

— Come on, Liesl, it’s going to be fun.

— Thanks for the offer, Toto, but I’m going to have to decline.

— Why, are you afraid?

She swallowed hard.

— No, I’m not afraid. I just don’t want to.

— Niki, I think she’s scared — Toto laughed.

— I’m not scared — Elisabeth insisted, trying to sound brave. The truth was, the prospect of racing terrified her. It was one thing to watch a race, she had started to find it interesting, despite not previously being interested in motorsport, but getting into a car and racing around a track known as “Green Hell”? No way.

— Mauslein, Toto is an experienced driver and almost always very competent. — Niki tried to reassure his daughter.

— Almost always?

— Except for that time in… 2009, was it?

Looking at Toto after her father mentioned the date, Elisabeth could see his face change to an embarrassed expression.

— What happened in 2009? — she asked, raising an eyebrow.

— This idiot wanted to do a sub-seven-minute lap here, on the Nordschleife, in what, an Audi? — Niki told her, a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

— No, it was a Porsche 911 RSR.

— That’s right, a Porsche — her father corrected himself — He came to me asking what I thought of the idea and I replied that it was the dumbest idea I had ever heard.

Toto laughed.

— It seemed perfectly reasonable at the time, Niki.

— As we would find out afterward!

— What happened? — Elisabeth asked, curious.

— On my last lap attempt, the front tire blew out at the Fuchsröhre, the car bounced off of the guardrail and kept going. By the time it stopped, I ended up with a concussion and some broken vertebrae — he replied. 

She couldn’t help but widen her eyes, a little shocked at the casual manner with which he recalled the details of the incident as he described getting out of the car, from not being able to recall hopping over the tire barrier, to the paramedics finding his car but not him at first, as he was lying on the other side of the wall with his helmet and HANS device still on. He recalled going to the hospital in Adenau and trying to decide if he had lost feeling in his legs or not.

— And you still want me to get in a car with you? — Elisabeth asked him, sounding indignant.

— Well, it’s just one lap, no big deal.

She looked at her father, looking for any sign that he would take mercy on her and say that it was okay for her to refuse the offer. However, Elisabeth was met with an expression that was growing increasingly impatient with her resistance.

— Get in, Elisabeth.

She sighed.

She knew she’d lost another battle.

— Okay — she said, annoyed — But don’t go too fast.

Toto looked at her with a mischievous smile on his face.

— I can’t promise anything, Liesl.

Pursing her lips, Elisabeth walked around to the passenger side of the SLS AMG GT and tried to open the door. It didn’t budge.

— Is this thing locked? — she snapped, yanking at the door handle, to no avail.

— No — Toto replied, pulling the driver’s side handle and lifting the door up, his lips curled in a smug smile. “How silly you are, Elisabeth”, she thought, trying to open the door again, but this time pulling it up, opening it gently.

She took the helmet off of the passenger seat as she settled in next to Toto, who was making some final adjustments to the seat to make the ride more comfortable. Putting the helmet on, Elisabeth adjusted the buckle so it would fit snugly against her chin, brushing a few strands of her light brown hair away from her face.

“So”, she wondered, as she pulled the seatbelt on, running her fingers along the silver band that crossed her body “Will this hold me in a crash?”.

— Ready? — Toto asked her, smiling. He was definitely excited.

Elisabeth hummed something that sounded affirmative.

— I need you to use words, Liesl — he replied, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

— Yes — her voice came out shaky, without a hint of confidence. She could feel her hands cold against her jeans. She was terrified.

— Look, Elisabeth — Toto said as he took her hand in his, making her look up at him — I know I’m not much of a driver. But I would never let anything happen to you.

— Really? — she stammered, her breathing heavy.

— Really. I promise — he said, letting go of her hand and looking straight ahead — Now, are you ready?

— Yes — the shadow of a smile appeared on Elisabeth’s lips.

Quickly adjusting the sleeves of his white shirt, Toto pressed a button on the car’s center panel. A mighty rumble echoed throughout the garage as the engine roared to life. The low sound made him grin, as if he were a kid in a candy store.

— Then, let’s go — he said, waiting for one of the mechanics to signal. When Paul, the Mercedes PR admin, gave an affirmative thumbs up, Toto guided the car toward the pit lane exit, making her clench her teeth. “It’s going to be alright, it’s just a lap”, she repeated.

However, Elisabeth started feeling very nervous when the car left the pit lane and entered the actual track, especially when her eyes found the red needle on the sports car’s speedometer moving up as he drove down the main straight.

— Toto — she muttered, eyes glued to the car’s panel.

— What? — he asked, rounding the curves near the AMG Arena with the skill of someone who knew the track like the back of his hand.

— Don’t you think we’re going too fast?

— We just hit 200 — he looked at her, an excited smile on his lips.

— That’s fast enough! — Elisabeth said, feeling something in her chest sink.

— Not for this car — Toto chuckled, as the car sped along a small straight, the roar of the engine getting louder. Seeing a curve approaching and not feeling the car slow down, her heart started pounding.

— Brake, brake, brake, brake, brake —  she yelled, pointing to the turn, her eyes wide.

Toto just laughed, turning first left and then right.

— Calm down, Liesl…

— How am I supposed to be calm with you driving like this? — Elisabeth snarled, her fingers digging into the leather seat, as if that would make her safer in a hypothetical crash.

— Like what? — he asked, turning the steering wheel dramatically to the right to get around the hairpin.

— Like crazy — she yelled — Fucking crazy!

Her answer made him laugh.

— I’m driving normally, Liesl — Toto replied, a devilish grin on his face. The speedometer’s red needle indicated that the car had passed 270 kilometers per hour on the straight. The thought of being inside a piece of metal at that speed made her face go pale and her stomach churn.

However, the man driving the car beside her didn’t seem to notice. He followed the route with precision almost down to the millimeter. Accelerating through the track’s curves, Elisabeth thought she saw the number 310 on the speedometer before she had to cover her eyes with her hands. “I’m going to die, I’m going to die, I’m going to die”, her mind repeated.

— Toto — she screamed, as she felt her body being thrown from one side to the other as the car passed through a chicane.

He just laughed. Toto was enjoying the situation — perhaps a bit too much.

With her eyes still covered and her heart racing inside her chest, Elisabeth heard the engine slow down with the speed of the car. A few seconds later, it came to a stop. However, she remained silent, with her hands trembling in front of her eyes. 

— Elisabeth — Toto whispered beside her, his hands wrapping around her wrists and pulling her hands to her lap — It’s over.

— Are you sure? — she asked, her eyes still closed.

— Yeah. We are parked in front of the garage.

She slowly opened her eyes to make sure he was telling the truth. Looking to her right, a small group of mechanics were talking and pointing at the car. Next to them, Niki looked at her with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans and a slight smile on his lips.

— Elisabeth, are you okay? — Toto asked, touching her hand.

She freed herself from her seat belt and opened the door abruptly, almost falling out of the car. She wasn't afraid. Just angry. Rushing toward the garage without looking back, she stopped in front of her father and spat out two words.

— Never. Again.

[rutilation]

Once upon a time, I noticed something funny was going on with the weather in one of the chapters of Chainsaw Man—it doesn’t snow as early as September anywhere in Hokkaido, you see.  And then, I noticed the calendars were constantly trying to trick the reader.  Things spiraled out of control from there. 

Right off the bat, if you’re new to this particular red string-laden cork board of mine, I’d invite you to read the two other metas I’ve written on the subject—the subject in question being the weird, ambiguous, and deceptive portrayal of the passage time in Chainsaw Man.  The following will mostly serve to develop my thoughts from those previous posts, as well as to catalogue temporal inconsistencies both old and new that I haven’t talked about yet.  While I’ll bring up things from my other write-ups, I’m not going to thoroughly summarize them here.  I also want to note that I don’t have some unified theory of everything to explain what’s going on and why.  At this point, all we have to work with are data points and vibes.  There’s a puzzle being slowly filled in, but we don’t yet have all the pieces, or even a concrete reason as to why there’s a puzzle in the first place.

Before I proceed any further, there are a couple assertions I made in my first essay which I feel ended up being irrelevant—I no longer think there’s any significance to the fact that several of the months alluded to in the story coincide with the beginning of the week, and, with regard to the hydrangeas on chapter 72’s calendar, I ended up making a much more thoughtful write-up on its potential meaning in hanakotoba several months later.  That said, the hydrangeas’ association with early summer in Japan is still very relevant to the topic at hand.

With that out of the way, I’ll start by sharing my thoughts on the latest instance of temporal weirdness—one which was blatant enough to have captured even the attention of readers in the cheap seats, as it were.  In chapter 146, Barem claims that the apocalypse, which ought to happen in July of 99, is half a year away.  But, the calendar/fart chart combo in Denji’s apartment in chapter 119 indicated that the story was in March (of either 98 or 99, depending on whether that calendar started on a Monday or not,) and the calendar seen in Asa’s apartment in chapter 135 seemingly moved the clock forward to April of 99.

I’ve seen people put forward a couple of possible explanations—maybe there were several lengthy time skips between each of the three aforementioned chapters, or maybe the ‘March Farts’ chart was out-of-date, and the otherwise-unlabeled calendar in the apartment was actually flipped to a different month.

Both of these explanations, however, have massive holes in them.  In chapters 145 and 149, both Nayuta and a nameless Public Safety agent claimed that the events of the prior arc happened “the other day.”  While that’s certainly vague, it outright precludes a substantial time skip.  You’d only use that turn of the phrase to talk about something that happened a couple of weeks ago, at the very most.  What’s more, the fact that it cropped up twice in quick succession makes me think we’re meant to pay attention to it, and take note of the impossibility of timeline as it’s been presented.

As for the other explanation, while I could see Denji forgetting to take down the 'ol fart chart, I doubt he'd leave an out-of-date calendar up on the wall. He and Nayuta are both busy people, after all. In keeping with established precedent, the calendar on his wall could begin on either Monday or Sunday, and it lasts 31 days. There are only two months from 1999 that could match: March and August. Since one of those is *checks notes* a month after the impending apocalypse, I think we can safely say this calendar could only be for March. Even if we were to momentarily forget the characters' assertion that there hasn't been a substantial timeskip, and look to 1998 for a calendar that could match that of Denji's apartment, it could still only match March of that year.

That's to say nothing of how you have to get Denji's calendar to match up with Asa's a dozen chapters later. Once again, the only pair of consecutive months that match both calendars is March and April of 99. The only other pair that's even close is December of 97 and January of 98. Which is. Unlikely.

Now that I've done all that table-setting, I feel this is a good time to remind you all of that ‘7’ emblazoned across Asa’s calendar.  Don’t you love it when July is half a year away, but also three months away, but also happening right now?

In short: the timeline is an indecipherable mess at the moment.  Frankly, I’m not sure I should trust Barem’s word any more than I do the calendars or the weather.  If both of those can lie, then why can’t he?  People have been grasping for a cut-and-dry explanation; but the fact of the matter is that it doesn't exist. We're trapped in March-uary, and the fandom has to come to terms with that fact sooner or later.

So, let’s stop trying to make sense of it for now, and simply look at this conundrum in the context of those other temporal anomalies, because it bears an uncanny resemblance to the weirdness surrounding the timeframe during the Gun Devil arc.  To reiterate some observations from my earlier essays, chapter 72’s calendar potentially matches three months from 1997: June, September, and December.  The actual timeframe confirmed a few chapters later was September, but the heavy snowfall in the scene would have made more sense for December, and the hydrangeas featured on the calendar itself bloom during Japan’s rainy season in early summer, corresponding to June—which is also the date on chapter 79’s cover page.  The calendar from chapter 135 does something similar.  When read alongside the calendar from chapter 119, it makes the most sense to assume that it’s depicting April of 99, but the ‘7’ across the top of the calendar would indicate that it’s actually showing July of 99, as both months start on a Thursday.  But, the flowers decorating the calendar don’t match with either of those implied months.  While they are very small, I’m fairly certain they’re camellias; if you take a look at stylized camellia patterns on kimonos, earthenware, etc., you’ll find they look very similar to the flowers here.  Anyway, camellias bloom in winter in Japan; and winter is what’s ostensibly been confirmed as the true timeframe for this arc.  To make a long story short: Fujimoto pulled the same trick twice.  As for what said trick actually means, we still don’t have enough information to say.

Now that we’ve examined that latest instance of weirdness, I’d like to talk about some things that have been going on in the background prior to this point.  For the purposes of a different meta, I reread Chainsaw Man several months back paying attention only to background details instead of the story, and in the course of doing so, I found a whole lot of additional red string for my corkboard.

Starting with Part 2, things get weird as early as chapter 99.  The chapter starts off with a weather forecast warning of a dangerous heatwave, advising listeners to be wary of heatstroke, even indoors.  Now, even accounting for the fact that we’ve been given contradictory information regarding the timeframe of the story, this shouldn’t be happening.  Depending on whether you believe Barem’s account or the calendars’, this moment takes place in either early spring or late winter, neither of which could possibly match this weather.  The fact that the forecaster clarifies that this is a serious heatwave also precludes the term from being used as hyperbole to describe weather that’s merely unseasonably warm. 

In the same chapter is an additional detail I’d like to draw to your attention to: the timestamp on Asa’s TV.  As the name implies, it’s listing the hour of the broadcast, and not the date.  However, the number on the timestamp, 6:12, ought to ring familiar.  It’s the same number as the date on the cover page of chapter 79.  As I went over in my first meta, the 6/12 scrawled on the photograph from chapter 79 was, in my view, the moment that Fujimoto showed his hand, and made it clear he was messing with the timeframe on purpose.  While later chapters would confirm it outright, I think the timestamp was already foreshadowing that the weather was obfuscating the story’s actual timeframe.

Another thing that wouldn’t happen in March-uary can be found in chapter 100.  Note the abundant flowerpots that Asa and Yuko run past, which are all being grown outside, and not in a nursery or greenhouse.  I can’t confidently identify everything, but I do see what appear to be sunflowers, spirea, rudbeckia, yarrow, roses, Easter lilies, carnations, primroses, and tulips.  With the exception of the final two I listed, all of these flowers bloom in either summer or late spring; I probably don’t need to impress upon you how bizarre it is for those sunflowers to be blooming so early in the year. 

While we’re on the subject of flowers, though, let’s talk about the two outliers for a second—the tulips and primroses.  Tulips bloom in early spring, and primroses bloom in winter.  According to Part 2’s calendars, we’re in spring, and according to Barem, we’re in winter.  We’ve thus got two representatives of Part 2’s dueling timeframes in this panel, and they're being crowded by harbingers of summer.  Hmm…

Anyway, I’m not the first person to have noticed how weird the weather is in early Part 2, and I’ve seen it suggested that the reason it’s so warm out is because the Fire Devil was affecting the climate as it powered up through more and more contracts.  Seeing as fire probably counts as a primal fear, its devil would certainly be powerful enough to make that happen.  However, that explanation could only account for unseasonably warm weather circa Part 2.  But, the thing is, Part 1 also had its fair share of weather and flora that didn’t make sense, and mostly in the opposite direction: it was consistently colder than it should have been.

There are only two things we know for sure about Part 1’s timeline.  It’s been 13 years since the Gun Devil appeared in November of 83, and the latter half of the Gun Devil arc takes place on September 12th 1997.  Less certain, but still readily apparent, is the fact that Part 1 doesn’t take place over a very long stretch of time, with its famously brisk pacing leaving little room for long time skips.  With that in mind, let’s talk about some temporal inconsistencies I noticed in Part 1.

The earliest sure instance I could find in Part 1 was in chapter 41.  Look carefully at the chapter’s opening scene.  On the very first page, there are fallen leaves littered across the ground, and, throughout the rest of the scene, you can see leaves drifting through the air in the background.  This all seems pretty autumnal to me.  In Tokyo, the season for fall foliage runs from mid-October to mid-November.  So, how is it that there are there leaves on the ground when the story is, at this point, set an indeterminate-but-short amount of time before September 12th?  What’s more, the festival with fireworks which Denji and Reze attend a few chapters later would strongly imply that this arc takes place in summer.  While neither of those things are strictly confined to a certain time of year, they’re both synonymous with summer in the Japanese cultural consciousness.

(I know the official colored release doesn’t depict this scene with fall colors, but from what I’ve heard, Fujimoto didn’t have any input in their coloring choices.  Case in point, later in the same chapter, you can see that the colorists seemingly mistook a decorative stalk of wheat in Reze’s café for lavender, and colored it purple.  In any case, I’d rather not have my analysis rely on something that I’m not 100% sure Fujimoto had a hand in, or even oversaw.)

That brings us to our next example.  In chapter 54, Santa and Tolka are introduced in a snow-covered forest, once again in that nebulous shortly-before-september-12th space.  This is completely ridiculous.  The only climate harsh enough to skip straight from summer to winter would be that of the tundra, and given that they’re in a forest full of bare, deciduous trees, their little cabin isn’t even as far north as the taiga.

Next is a return to chapter 72—the chapter that started me on this weird little odyssey in the first place.  While I already discussed how it shouldn’t be snowing at that time of year in my first essay on the subject, upon reread, I also noticed that the weather in this chapter is inconsistent in addition to being unseasonable.  Compare the scenery of the grave visit to that of the exterior shot of the inn immediately afterward.  In that first scene, there are several inches of snow on the ground, and all the trees have bare branches.  But, surrounding the inn, there are no signs of snow—not on the ground, not among the trees, and not on the roof.  What’s more, while the trees were bare in the prior scene, outside the inn are deciduous trees and bushes that still retain their full foliage.  While Fujimoto’s usual modus operandi has been to strongly imply a certain timeframe through context clues, before throwing out conflicting information a few chapters later, I think this is the only time thus far that we’ve had seasonal dissonance occur within the confines of a single chapter.  Considering that a lot of The General Temporal Weirdness seems to center around chapter 72, it seems fitting.  One last thing I’d like to note is that two blank calendars bookmark the beginning and end of this chapter.  Spooky.

That about covers all the data points I mentioned at the top of this essay, but before I discuss the subject of vibes, I’d like to talk in more depth about why I think this is all worth cataloguing in the first place.  As I discussed in my first essay on this subject, when I initially noticed all these little inconsistencies, I assumed they amounted to the negligent mistakes of an author who did not care about the passage of time in the story, (or know how snow works.)  But, upon reflection, I don’t think the inconsistencies present are the sort which would arise from disinterest and a lack of care.  For one thing, the narrative itself places a lot of gravitas on certain dates, such as both appearances of the Gun Devil, the 6/12 on chapter 79’s cover page, the Future Devil’s whole shtick, as well as the looming apocalypse in July of 99.  If you don’t care about the passage of time, and don’t see its dramatic potential, then why make it a recurring motif in your work? 

I also don’t think Fujimoto would bother with the song and dance of giving us incomplete breadcrumbs of calendar dates if he just wasn’t paying attention to the month or season.  Remember that blank calendar I mentioned earlier?  There’re actually quite a few of them.  In addition to the one occasionally seen in Aki’s apartment, there’s another blank calendar in the school Denji and Reze break into, and, while it was shown in some detail once in chapter 119, the calendar in Denji’s apartment has been completely obscured ever since, hidden from view by either speech bubbles or panel borders, even though the apartment’s other trappings, such as the stickers on the door, or the two aloe plants, are consistently included in the mise en scène.  What I’m getting at here is this: if Fujimoto doesn’t want to be beholden to a timeline, couldn’t he have just made all the calendars in the manga blank, and let the pace of the story be determined by vibes alone?  Alternately, if he didn’t want to pay much attention to the passage of time, but still wanted the verisimilitude of a concrete timeframe, he could have just, you know, settled on a timeframe, and let the occasional, fully-visible calendar clue us in as to where the story is at.  It’d be a one-and-done thing.

But, what we have instead is a hodgepodge of blank and partially-obscured calendars, out-of-season heatwaves and snowfalls, ominous thematic touchstones of doomed dates and a fear of the future, and this bizarre tendency to have the calendars begin on Monday (but only sometimes.)  If Fujimoto simply doesn’t care, then he’s making an awful lot of extra work for himself with this steadily growing pile of temporal anomalies.  If he wanted to, he could have just.  Not done any of that.  But he does do all of that.  So, whatever this is, it warrants taking seriously, and asking ‘how’ and ‘why.’

And what questions those are indeed!  When I wrote my first meta, I was careful to note that while the fudging of the space-time-continuum was certainly deliberate, it was also, more likely than not, purely symbolic.  These days though, I’m not so sure.  The last several months’ worth of chapters, along with my own reread, have unearthed a whole lot more than a tucked-away photo of hydrangeas, and a singular freak snowstorm.  The more these incidents happen, the more frequent and blatant they become, the more I start to wonder if there isn’t *something* that’s actually happening here, diegetically.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself, because the question of what it all means is a pressing one regardless of whether any of it is literal.  I don’t claim to know the answer to that question; all I’ve got at this point are vibes, vibes which I delved into in my first essay on the subject.  Something, something Picnic at Hanging Rock.  Something, something, chapter 72 feels like it takes place in a little snow globe suspended outside of time.  Something, something, the endless aquarium arc is a literal snow globe suspended outside of time.  Something, something, catastrophe and apocalypse are set in stone and carefully notated, all else is formless and vague.

Since then, I’ve also noticed a consistent theme emerging regarding the incidents in Part 2.  The July(?) calendar, the abundant flowers, and the heatwave all seem to gesture towards summer, and thus, towards the coming apocalypse.  The feeling it gives me is that the future is so eager to arrive that it’s flowing upstream into the present.  The world is already ending, and the apocalypse is already here.  Whether or not that’s what’s literally happening, it seems to me that’s the metaphorical intent.

Questions I still have:

Why did Part 1 have an ongoing motif of being more wintry than it ought to be?

What’s the deal with aquariums in this story, anyway?  Weren’t they also mentioned in Reze’s little song?  That’s three times now they’ve shown up, and twice they've had something to do with time.

If any of this is literally happening, then why do no characters notice or comment on it?

Why were these events so much more concentrated in chapter 72 than they were anyplace else in the story?

Here at the end, I’ll indulge in a bit of speculation.  If time is truly, literally distorted in the story, then why is it so?  What’s distorting it?  In keeping with my observations about a summer that’s eager to arrive, I think that whatever is causing it is radiating the distortions out backwards through time.  The cause has yet to arrive, but the effects can be observed spreading out like ripples in a pond.  It’s all invisible to the characters, much like how gravitational waves from the big bang are imperceptible to us in our own reality.  In my fanciful musings, two possible sources for these ripples have sprung to mind.  I think they’re caused by either Pochita or the Death Devil.  Perhaps the Death Devil’s accumulated power is so great that her future descent to will tear at the fabric of time.  But, I find Pochita a more tantalizing possibility.  What if, at some point down the line, Pochita (or perhaps Denji himself after a powerup) eats some sort of load-bearing devil that really should have been left alone.  What would happen if he ate a devil akin to Future or Cosmo?  What would that do to weave of reality?

Idk at this point. All we can do is wait for whatever derangement Fujimoto shows us next. Maybe Fami will show up next chapter and casually mention we're actually in March of 96. Personally, I'm hoping for a fourth aquarium. Thanks so much for reading.

[spacerhapsody]

@polaroidcats tagged me to share share my 9 favourite books, and of course I went through at least three different identiy crises before I finally decided to just choose what feels right this very moment. I still had a lot of fun going back to all of them, so, thank you! <3

Krabat: Hands down one of my all-time favourites. I first read it in 5th ot 6th grade and it was also the best experience of reading a book at school ever. I've read it countless times by now and am thinking about reading it again right now because I find something in it every single time.

The House in the Cerulean Sea: Single-handedly reminded me of my love for Urban Fantasy, the romance is just so soft, and just. Outcasts finding family in each other is something that makes me very emotional when it's done well.

Boyfriend Material: One of my comfort book I return to a lot. It might not have a groundbreaking story or anything, but I love the characters and their dynamic so much. This is also one of the very few cases where the audio book makes it even better imo, because the guy reading it does Oliver's voice so well. <3

Peter Darling: I was waiting for YEARS until this book was available again, and it was worth every second. One thing you have to know about me is that I have this weird obsession with Peter Pan, but especially retellings of the original story. And queer retellings that are also done really well? YES.

American Gods: I had to include something by Neil Gaiman, and this is not only the first of his books I ever read, it's also got one of my favourite concepts. Stories and believes shaping reality? Hell yes!

Dream Thieves: The whole series gave me unrealistic expectations for YA, but this will forever be my favourite part, you'll have to fight me and my son Ronan Lynch on that. It's also been one of my comfort series to come back to when I need it.

The Travelling Cat Chronicles: I cried. This is not only beautifully written and speaking to me as a cat person, but it's also a beautiful journey through Japan.

We Are Everywhere: It's not even my own country's history, but oh wow, I love what they captured with this one, especially since it feels like more and more of queer history gets lost/forgotten as time moves on.

A Man Called Ove: I pretty much love every book by Fredrik Backman I've read so far. There's just something about how he writes people, emotions, and human connections that gets to me every time? I was wondering for a while which one I should choose here, but this one feels particularly special right now, idk.

(Tagging everyone who wants to share their favourites and/or can actually decide on 9 of them!)

[opheliascurse]

Feeling a lot of emotions while reading my previous reblog... It managed to articulate the frustration I feel whenever I visit local bookstores.

One time, I went to a Fully Booked branch and found their entire Filipiniana section dumped on the tiled floor. All of the shelves were filled with foreign titles, and there was even an entire table displaying copies of a foreign YA book. An entire table, full of more than a dozen copies for just one, foreign book, while literally every book that had been penned by Filipino hands was in a messy pile on the ground.

I don't know what to call it. A case of colonial mentality, maybe? I just know that this isn't an isolated case. This same disrespect is echoed in other local bookstores too.

For example, the large Fully Booked branch in BGC is a three-story building with multiple shelves for Japanese manga, American books, and other books by foreign publishers and writers. Where's the Filipiniana section, you may ask? They used to have 1-2 shelves of it on the 2nd floor, but when I visited September this year (2023), the entire Filipiniana section had been moved to smaller, half-shelves that are only as tall as your waist. Interested readers have to kneel just to browse their entire Filipiniana section—and to add salt to injury, these half-shelves are sectioned away from the taller, more visited shelves chockfull of foreign titles, right by the benches where people aren't looking to browse but are looking to rest for a minute while shopping.

They don't even care enough to organize the Filipiniana half-shelves properly. During my September visit, I asked for help in finding "Alon and Lila's Last Summer Before Doomsday" by Ingrid Valenzuela. The kuya who helped me was kind, don't get me wrong, but he went to the wrong section of the 2nd floor and then told me that he couldn't find it. Asked another kuya, he went to a different section of the 2nd floor and also couldn't find it.

I had to kneel for a solid 20 minutes by the half-shelves of the Filipiniana section to find the book, which, BTW, was buried behind books that weren't even of the same genre. It's the same for most of the other books too. They're all mixed together! They're considered an afterthought of the store!

"But OP, doesn't that Fully Booked branch have a display of Filipino books on the first floor?" Yes, but notice the larger displays right by the entrance. One large table full of nothing but copies of (for example) Malibu Rising, followed by an equally big display of copies for yet another book written by a white author.

Then after around 3-4 iterations of this Kano lineup, we get a shelf called "Asian Bestsellers," filled with various books from Japan, Korea, etc. but not a single Filipino book. (Are we not Asian enough, even in our own territory?!) Where is the Filipino display, you may ask? Right across from it. From the front entrance, it is invisible because it is blocked by the Help Desk / Cashier. From every other angle in the 1st floor, it is dwarfed by bigger displays. It is the smallest and one of the most neglected displays in the 1st floor.

This is just with Fully Booked. Imagine how bad it is with National Bookstore. Or with any other bookstore. The Filipino is sidelined in their own bookstore not because of lack of published material and certainly not because of lack of interested readers, but because we design our our own fucking spaces to cater to books from our colonizers!

[alienorstyx]

The ocean of fate

previous part: 1

Chapter 1:

As soon as America had crossed the front door, her little sister New Zealand jumped on her, making them fall on the ground. While shouting a whole lot of incomprehensible gibberish to her older sister. To stop this , America pushed with a certain violence  the little girl, who fell on her back.

"Why did you jump on me? Did Dad had again the crazy idea of learning to cook  because if that's the case I'm going to sleep at Japan's house. " Asked America as she get up.

"No, I mean yes... he's trying to cook, but it's not important right now. I'll tell you the other news afterwards. First of all, what interests us the most is the result of the competition that you did about six months ago ..."

"For wildlife and maritime life in Europe ", continued America . "Yes I remember. Wait, do you mean I received a reply."

Her little sister smiled at her, then give to America an envelope and a small parcel. America sat on the ground and feverishly opened the envelope. Reading the main lines, she was thrilled to learn that the jury gave her the first place. The other sheets concerned the terms of a trip for 10 people and plane tickets. New Zealand handed her the box. Once America had opened it, her surprise face didn't escape  to her little sister who look to what was inside.

"These are bracelets! Do you think they are made in gold, Ame?"

"Of course not . Did your snake eat  your brain?! I do not remember that they were part of the first prize. It's strange."

"It's okay, at worst it's a mistake on their part....Wait, I think there's a card inside."

"You are right."

America looked at the little card and threw it behind her .

"Well , from what was written on the card , it was in the first set prize , these bracelets come from the island in question."

"Oh, okay. Can I have one? " asked New Zealand with stars in her eyes.

" Of course ."

America put the sheets back in their envelopes and went into the living room. To see her father doing house cleaning  while Australia and Canada were eating cookies on the couch. The two boys were hanging on their cell phone, America could bet they were having a chat with their respective girlfriends. America was wondering how these two were able to date two of the prettiest girls on the campus, which was Vietnam and Mexico. And whenever she had feelings for another woman, these two would tried to flirt with her and even sometimes in front of their girlfriend.

America had never understood how their girlfriends didn't dump them after those incident. But their grandmother Wales would have told her in a firm voice that it was her jealousy that spoke. It was true that America was jealous of her brothers, of the facility they have to  seduce the young women and of their carelessness.America, despite her twenty-five years, she had known only love failures and the few girls with whom she had a relationship, one had cheating her with another girl from their curriculum while another suddenly cut all contact , America had learned from a mutual friend that the girl she was dating was declared of another gender and had accused her of mistreating her and telling false rumors on campus.Most of the people she knew who were part of the LGBT+ community had excluded her without giving her a chance to tell her side of the story. The violence against America was so extreme that she had to stop coming to college. And after much conversation with his father, they had finally moved to another town where no one knew them. It was at the small university that she met her best friend Japan with whom she had a short romantic relationship during primary school.

UK finally noticing the presence of his eldest daughter , he greeted her joyfully before asking her in the same tone.

"America, since you're back, you can go and get one of the wine bottles in the basement, I asked your brothers, but even if there was an earthquake they wouldn't move."

"Are we hosting someone tonight?"

"Yes, I have met a lovely woman for several months now, I am sure that you two would get along just fine."

"What's her name?"

"Come on, America, I already told you her name. AH no! It was New Zealand."

"That still doesn't tell me who it is."

"It's France."

"Oh! Wait a minute how did you meet her? She hardly even leaves the library."

"Well, you see. You remember when you caught the flu and had to give back books on the study of the plague of the fourteenth century in Europe and on the Eastern Roman Empire, or something like that.I didn't remember quite the name.Whatever. But , that's when I went to return your books, I dropped them off at the reception desk of the old Hortense and then I wander into the shelves. I was looking at the books on late antiquity section , when France had passed near me and asked me what I was looking for . And we began to discuss , she informed me about any kind of information about Roman antiquity , which I used for my book of inquiry. I went there almost every day to be able to see her and we often ended up discussing at her house about the books we had read,but also about the various ancient legends . And to thank her for all the loving days we spent together, well, I invited her to dinner at home."

"I hope you ordered food, because if you cook, we'll all have to flee the house and call the fire department."

"Don't be spiteful, I asked your little sister to help me."

"Oh my God..."

Before her father could say anything the bell rang . United Kingdom rushed to the front door. After brief greetings and kisses, they went into the living room. The sight of France had at least the merit of winning the gaze of Canada and Australia who murmured that it was a ten. Which had the gift of annoying America but she had to keep quiet to make a good face because after all France was one of the professors of her university. And it had been so long since his father had had anyone in his life.

Everyone sat down at the table and New Zealand brought the main course, to the view of it America took out her phone and ordered pizzas. United Kingdom distributed to everyone a share of this indescribable meat both visual and gustatory.

Fortunately the pizzas arrived quickly enough to save them from this inedible meal. America was surprised that France had not already apologized and going back to her home.

In the end, it was a TV-pizza party which embarrassed United Kingdom but it did not seem to bother France.

During the meal, New Zealand told how America had won a search contest and now had plane tickets to go to an island in the Aegean Sea. America said she had ten bills and that she was going to give one to Japan, which would probably go, one to New Zealand, one to their grandmother. As for what was left she didn't know if her father was up for it, but he seemed to wonder at the idea of a family trip. And asked France if she was willing, she hesitated, but the insistence of New Zealand, Canada and Australia had overcome her hesitation. She asked if it didn't really bother America that she takes part of this travel, and America gave her a simple no.

After France left, Canada and Australia informed America that their girlfriends were also coming. America ignored them while she was chatting with Japan on her phone.