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mysticalmusicwhispers · 3 years

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#i wonder what your thoughts on diaspora in hetalia are#cause its a pretty interesting topic (the post in question)

@urmomsstuntdouble a collection of things that I think about on a semi-regular basis below the cut (also thank you for the tags!)

Disclaimer: I think this turned into more of a discussion of immigration and immigrants, but I hope this strikes your fancy anyways 😅. Also this got SO LONG and I explained quite a bit of history (because idk whether anyone knows much about this), so the key thoughts will be bolded!

My thoughts are kinda complicated about this tbh; it’s weird, because if China really did exist as a personification in real life, we’d probably both be judging each other, just for different reasons 😅.

General Hetalia Cases

I think when discussing immigrants/diaspora, you have to think about why different immigrants left. @cupofkey kinda discussed that a while ago (if anyone hasn’t seen this superb post, GO READ IT NOW) about the Vietnamese diaspora, and I think there’s some of that in every country. How do the immigrants feel about the home country? Why did they leave: because of hard times, poverty? Political instability/revolution/war? Opportunities overseas? Are they doing well in their new home, or still struggling? Does their new country treat them like foreigners or outcasts, unworthy of even arriving, or doing anything besides menial labor, or have they been welcomed (rather unlikely)? Do they hate their home country (politically), or miss them? Would they ever go back, not just to visit family or the place of their birth, but to return permanently?

I think on the whole, hetalia nations would still maintain a connection to their immigrants, especially since most are still in touch with their culture, although they’ve crossed borders or changed nationalities. (However, the angst of not being as in touch with your culture as you think you should is so real; would our home countries be disappointed? Or do they sympathize, somehow?) In the end, we’re all the same that way. Plus, the alternative thought of them just disowning immigrants feels weird; I don’t even know how that would be possible. But I think that connection gets complicated by the reason people left, and their feelings for their place of origin; I’ll be using APH China and Chinese Americans as an example to discuss this hksdgsdf (sorry I don’t want to do more research than necessary and I have Thoughts about this)

**OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER that immigration/diaspora discussions are almost always case by case and will vary greatly based on things like country of origin/race/ethnicity, country immigrated to, initial socioeconomic status, time period, etc. And even among diaspora, people can and will have vastly different experiences, and it’s not good to generalize. These are just some thoughts with one example.**

1. Waves of Immigration

Depending on when people arrive, they’ve got different push/pull factors drawing them to a country and it also factors into how the nation feels about them and vice versa... Chinese immigration to the US has mostly two major waves (you could also say there were 3, counting the post-WWII/Communist China wave, but I won’t talk about that): one in the mid 1800s and the other after the 1970s/1980s into modern day; the gap is because the Chinese Exclusion Act (1882) that banned most immigration from China wasn’t repealed until 1943 (because of Japan’s attack on the US in WWII, the US needed China as an ally).

IMMIGRATION WAVE 1: MID 1800s

These immigrants were mostly from southern China (Canton area), and they came to the US because of hard times (Opium Wars + political instability because of things like the Taiping Rebellion) and economic opportunity in the West (eg. Gold Rush (San Francisco is literally “Old Gold Mountain” in Chinese today) + industrialization, railroads, expansion etc.). There was Much Discrimination against those immigrants, and many worked as hard laborers in a variety of occupations (on railroads, gold mine, farms (in the South esp), laundry businesses; there were merchants as well, but they were the minority); many were looking to get some money that they could send back to their families in China and planned to return, but over time, they settled down and stayed. I think for those immigrants, Yao would definitely be understanding, even if he might not be empathetic. After all, he’s not thriving at that time either, and although he thinks Alfred is inferior to him (in many ways), he understands why people would be drawn by economic promise and quick wealth, even if it might not be the best strategy for getting rich. It’s not like staying in China would be better lmao. However, I don’t think he would approve (?) how many of his immigrants stayed in the US when most viewed it as a temporary move; I think Yao is very surprised by how so many of them persisted to carve out a home there, despite the discrimination and limited opportunities. Perhaps he admires their resilience, the creation of Chinatowns and community and how they still come to a country that doesn’t even let them in (see the San Francisco Fire of 1906 and the boon for paper sons), but still wishes they would come back, however unlikely that hope is. Personally, Yao would never be able to stay in Alfred’s country, the beautiful country, if Alfred’s hypocrisy prevented his experience, his immigrant’s experience, from being anything close to beautiful. (You were founded by immigrants and foreigners, but now you spurn them: the poor sojourners who continue to flee to your shores, and refuse them respite from the disasters at home.) And anyways, Alfred is just the next scrappy young upstart, barely 70 years old but with a swagger like he rules the world; how could he have something over himself, the Middle Kingdom, who has stood the test of time? (Admittedly, he’s doing nowhere as well as Alfred—even he can see that, despite his pride, and despite the haze of opium in his brain. Leaving is the logical, objectively sound choice. Still, his pride hurts vaguely when he thinks how his immigrants keep choosing a country that keeps rejecting them, over and over again, instead of himself. But it is no matter. The injury to his ego is inconsequential and easily brushed aside; for they are still his people, and they deserve a good life, wherever they are. His distaste for Alfred flares up again: Arthur’s bastard child, who takes advantage of his trade (see the Open Door Notes, 1899-1900), but refuses his people.)

if anyone wants more context or is interested in the history I mentioned, I highly recommend this pdf (from the book A Different Mirror: A History of Multicultural America by Ronald Takaki)

IMMIGRATION FROM 1949 TO 1980: according to Wikipedia, there was very little immigration from mainland China during this period due to the Cold War and China becoming Communist; most of the immigration was from Taiwan/ROC but counted in the quota for China. Since there’s a separate Hetalia personification for TWN, I’m not going to go over that. However, there were also many people from Mainland China who escaped to Hong Kong, still a British colony, during that period (I hope it’s clear why, but if anyone asks I’ll put it in a separate post); some stayed there, while others emigrated to the US; both trips were for more freedoms and a better life etc because China was really really messed up for a bit (also keep in mind the people emigrating all had the means to and were at least middle class, usually somewhat educated, etc.). I will not be talking about that group either because I don’t think it’s my place to, but please know they exist as well.

IMMIGRANT WAVE 2: 1980s ONWARD

A lot of people came from mainland China for education; there was also an. exodus of intellectuals following 1989 (which I Will Not get into). Many of these people sought job opportunities, like those that rapidly opened up in the computer industry, there are many students who come here to study abroad, who take SATs and TOEFLs to get into good US colleges or to conduct graduate research and get PhDs; some stay, others have gone back to like, advance China’s development (this sentiment of getting good students to go abroad and then go back to China to use their talents for Patriotic Purposes isn’t a new thing, stretches back to like the late 1800s). I don’t really have much to say about this group besides what’s below ↓.

2. Immigrant Thoughts On Their Home Country

more complicated, because it varies by generation and time period and probably 203943 other things. Mainlanders that came over starting in the 1990s till now have relatively positive feelings towards China (imo, extrapolating from my life experiences); I think part of that is also because most* of these immigrants aren’t really escaping from something? They’re coming for an education/job opportunities (students studying abroad in the US (留学生 or liuxuesheng) for graduate school or university come to mind as one example), and they’re still very much connected to China politically and culturally, sometimes* more so than to the US. For these immigrants, I think Yao doesn’t worry too much about them? They’re pretty successful* overall*, and discrimination, although still A Large Problem™, isn’t the same from stuff that Yao (or his immigrants) remember from, say the mid 1800s (see above), or even during the paranoia about Communists after WWII and the subsequent Chinese Confession Program that made many people really scared of being deported. (Red China made Chinese Americans a target of the Communist panic, and the confession program was instated in order to make sure Communist spies couldn’t infiltrate the US. Those who immigrated illegally could confess that and gain citizenship; however you also had to weed out everyone you knew who also immigrated illegally.) I think Yao would see them as an extension of himself in a different land; they’re very much still part of him, and he gives them his well wishes.

However, I think that immigrants born in the US in modern day at least (1990s onwards) are definitely more ambivalent about China’s legacy + modern day Issues™, as much as we are connected via culture and heritage. Not quite sure how Yao would feel about that, because I’m not quite sure how much Yao is the state and how much he represents the people. However, I think there would be some mutual unease; does he see this as betrayal of some kind? Perhaps he doesn’t blame us for feeling as we do? Maybe he wonders what we feel about him; maybe he doesn’t want to know. Maybe he chooses the easier route: to focus on the bonds between him and his huayi instead of the grievances, and leave the rest unsaid.

Additionally with first gen immigrants, there’s the conflicting feeling of being stuck between two worlds and value systems that oppose each other in many respects. Also there’s sometimes a feeling of not-quite-being-in-touch-with-your-culture (in other diaspora as well, ofc. here it’s often exemplified by forgetting or not knowing how to read and write Chinese proficiently, among other things 🙃); idk. does Yao see that as a bit of a disappointment? Would he wish us to try harder? Does he view it as inevitable, for those raised in the US; the environment is too different, and perhaps he won’t blame us for those differences, or shortcomings. Does Yao know, or care, about the racism? What about his immigrants who try to assimilate completely into American culture, who try to erase the Chinese part of their identity? Those that have tried it, but regretted it? Are they still his, when they have tried rejecting their connection to him, choosing to drop the “Chinese” from Chinese American? Does he consider racism when thinking about them? What about international adoptees? Does he claim them, when some have not been raised in a culturally Chinese environment, and when it’s still a sensitive subject on both sides of the ocean? I don’t have answers to many of these questions.

There are also immigrants who fled China because of war or persecution or upheaval, (one example is with regards to the Cultural Revolution), but I don’t feel qualified to discuss it here, and I don’t want to take it lightly.

But, despite everything I’ve discussed above, I’d like to think that however an immigrant feels about their home country or however long they’ve been there, all nation personifications would still wish them a better life (even Yao). I mean, it’s not always easy being an immigrant/part of a diaspora (especially when race becomes a factor). I really don’t think any of the hetalia characters would say “look at your struggles. What a mistake it was to immigrate somewhere where you still face so many challenges, although they might be different from the ones back home”. that’s just No. Also, I think that when you disregard sentimentality and their inherent connection to the people, countries would still be able to sympathize with people trying to strive for better, you know? People immigrate for a better life, whether it’s because it was getting rough when they left or because other places had more potential, and like. although nation-people can’t leave their own country, I think they understand the people who do, because it’s a chance to make a new life, and it would be unkind, counterproductive, limiting, to prevent someone from taking that opportunity if it came. And their children, and grandchildren; they are still connected to their origins even in a new country, by blood if nothing else, and nations are people too; they must have some sentimentality for their people born in a different land. I’d like to think that if Yao met a Chinese American kid running around San Francisco’s Chinatown, or bumped into an ABC high schooler in a well to do Massachusetts suburb, he’d stop and nod and maybe say hello, and wish them luck, wherever they go in the future. After all, they are the products of his immigrant’s hopes and dreams, and they are his too, as much as they live in Alfred’s land.

* (asterisks): this is a) from my experience and research; not everyone will have the same experiences! please keep this in mind and don’t generalize a very vast group of people. :)

Idk if that was too sentimental or rambly or something, but yeah, those are some of the things I consider when I think about nations and their diasporas. If you made it down here, thanks for reading! I greatly appreciate it. Also I hope I got all my facts correct, but if anyone spots anything incorrect, especially regarding the post 1980s immigration wave, please tell me! Tried doing my research but there are still a few things I’m unsure about rip.

This might be deleted tomorrow because I’m feeling weird about it, but feel free to reblog! I’d also very much love some feedback too if any of y’all are feeling up to it

#i was thinking about a lot of this when writing the zine fic so this post is partially an extension of that #hws china #aph china #musings #hetalia #nation lore #hws #aph #aph china headcanons #hetalia worldbuilding #headcanon musings #hetalia headcanons #I GUESS??

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ready-to-obeyme · 4 years

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[OM!] (American) College!AU Demon Brothers

Scenario: Headcanons on the demon brothers as college students (specifically in the US because I don’t know how college works elsewhere), their possible majors, career goals, extracurriculars, ~GPA~ and whatever else I could think of + how meet you in college

Note: I’m hoping to do a Part 2 with the Undateables but honestly… we’ll see lol. This is based off something ~A~ and I thought of for our specific university but we’ve made it broad enough to share HAHA this turned out VERY long

Lucifer

Majoring in Political Sciences with a minor in Psychology

Pre-Law-- most likely immigration law or child custody (there’s definitely a backstory here)

Initially went to community college for the first two years to save up money to take care of his younger siblings

Rejected an offer to go to an Ivy League because it was too expensive; if his siblings ever found out they’d be furious that he’d give up on that chance, but he knows he can succeed wherever he goes (and besides, family is first)

Transferred into a 4-year university his junior year

Very high GPA-- VERY

In a professional fraternity with Diavolo and Barbatos

He didn’t think he’d join one either but Diavolo was the vice chair when he transferred in and the president the year after so… ~nepotism?~ and also Lucifer is charming as heck so no surprise he’d get in

Also rooms with Diavolo and Barbatos

Goes to the gym regularly just to keep fit; gets goaded by Diavolo and Satan into joining an IM team with his frat brothers and actual brothers-- probably basketball or flag football

Probably meets you at a interclub council meeting and mutters under his breath how useless the board members are and you overhear

“Never have I met more incompetent people.”

“Lmao mood”

“!!!”

Keeps sitting next to you at every interclub meeting then after because at least there’s someone that can keep his mind stimulated (thinks you’re hot if you’re competent btw)

If you somehow meet him on campus, he’s the type of guy to put his hand up and pretend he didn’t see you (just kidding, he always ends up saying hi anyways)

Will Absolutely Lecture You if you are procrastinating on studying especially if your midterm is, like, TOMORROW

Always ends up studying with him because he’s actually focused on studying and glares at you if you get distracted (but hey you get good scores in the end)

Mammon

Majoring in Business Econ/Economics, Minoring in Statistics

(always ends up in the middle of the “is econ a humanities or a STEM major” debate that leaves him left for dead)

Planning to work in Business as Finance -- probably has been treasurer or finance director for a club; can even see him being a banker if it suits his plans better

Goes to a four-year university

Decent GPA (or Lucifer would absolutely destroy him), and does REALLY well in mathematics classes

Would room with Lucifer and his posse if they all go to the same school

Probably in a Business Frat as well because he’s pretty charismatic when it comes down to it but was an RA for some of his years for the free rooming and dining hall privileges

Is a very chill and understanding RA (as in he smokes weed with you when he’s off-duty) but is surprisingly well-versed in dealing with roommate issues

Works part-time (gasp) to buy stuff off of Amazon and go out to places

Spends a lot of time exploring places with his friends, going hiking, rock-climbing, clubbing-- which is expensive, as it turns out, so he needed to be able to afford it somehow

Meets you when you’re eating your lunch outside somewhere and he asks you if you have a dollar he could borrow for a vending machine snack

You exchange numbers with him so he can pay it back (even though you honestly don’t really need it, but why not) and turns out he’s in your GE class

“Heyyy wassup! So glad I have a friend in this class”

“Oh by the way, did you finish the homework? Haha, I forgot it.”

Mammon always repays you for your help in food though so you aren’t complaining

Leviathan

Majoring in Computer Sciences

And honestly that’s too much for me already-- the man is doing computer programming, coding-- WHEW-- and they do NOT rest

Goes to a community college but honestly has no problems cinching internships. The computer is his domain-- online applications are EASY, doing projects NOT as easy, interviews? HARD-- REALLY HARD (someone help him)

Probably intends to work with a big company like Google if only to help supply his income so he can live his life going to AX and buying merch

Most likely moved out of his house mid-college with his online friends (who are luckily compatible with him living-space wise) and visits home once a week

There’s two potential sides you can meet first:

Either you meet him at a convention and you both gush about the same character and anime and somehow find each other online (not college related)

Or his favorite Ruri-chan keychain gets broken off in the computer lab, and you’re the one running after him to give it him

He may or may not owe you his life after that (and if you enjoy anime, well that’s a bonus)

Both of these meetings can happen if he doesn’t recognize you in class because you were in cosplay-- imagine the surprise

The two of you as friends are MASTER PROCRASTINATORS at every assignment the two of you have-- so low-key not a great influence-- but you have fun together watching animes, playing games, talking about life-- anything but actual work

Always ends up scrambling to finish things-- but he keeps doing it because it’s been working for him so far

You help him prepare for interviews because he’s always nervous before each one regardless of how well his application looks

Satan

Majoring in Comparative Literature AND Anthropology (ya boy is doing the whole nine yards)

Planning to get his Master’s and then a PhD in one of his majors (whichever proves to be more engaging for him)-- visibly excited to become a Professor

College was meant for Satan-- like REALLY; the man is in LOVE with learning; most likely to go and be accepted to an Ivy-League after Lucifer but... truly believes you can get a good education anywhere so it depends on his financial standing (and how much scholarship he gets)

Does get a little disgruntled when his classes aren’t available but doesn’t mind learning something new-- if the professor bores him to death, he’ll read the book

Really good at tutoring people; someone suggests that he works as a peer-learning facilitator/writing tutor and he does-- might as well make bank doing something you always do anyways

Joins a writing/journal club as an extracurricular and a club that provides tutoring services to the underserved community-- surprisingly good with kids!

He knows friends in high places, so if he wanted to, could get into any party without batting an eye and his favorite professors love him

Spends a lot of his time going out to the city and exploring places, similarly to Mammon, rock-climbing, hiking, paragliding-- anything

He is VERY well-rounded as you can see; competes with Lucifer to see whose GPA is better though

You probably meet him during office hours, and you can only stare in awe as he asks questions that you had in mind, but better; if you’re visibly confused about something, he’ll take his time to help you too (it’s habit at this point)

Ask him for his contact info and you’ll get it, and maybe repay him in coffee? (You always see him at the cafe on campus.)

Most likely to have a specific spot in a cafe that he is always at that the workers actually save a spot for him or give him his usual order before he even arrives-- may or may not have helped them edit their essays or with their homework as a thank-you so you KNOW they’ll love him forever

The type of person to help you make flashcards and cram if you need it

Asmodeus

Majoring in Dance and Fine Arts (I HC going to NYU specifically)

Considering going for an Master of Fine Arts degree but he might just move to New York and go for being a Broadway Star

College is mainly just training for him and hoping to land gigs in local theater-- and the university theater if there is one-- and building his resume for his big break

Has SO many extracurriculars, all pertaining to his career choice, but also because he enjoys what he does: drama, competitive dance team, acapella, fashion design

Makes an unbelievable amount of friends, incredibly good at networking

The first time you saw him was when he was performing for a local theater and you were in love with his performance, and the next time you saw him in the hallway of a classroom building, you told him how much you enjoyed it

Always accepts compliments about his looks with grace, but there’s something about truly being admired for his acting and singing that has him preening

Invites you to come out to his next performance, and if not his, then to another play-- and it can be a date, but up to you ;)

The man is the KING of Multiple Talents and has big dreams to match

Always finds a way to hang out with you and drag you to every club that he can use his fake-id for (and when he’s actually 21 and above, gets a little offended that he doesn’t get ID’d)

A night in the town with you is always a good night!

Sometimes when he has practical exams coming up, he asks you to watch him perform-- and he likes your compliments but actually takes getting all the moves seriously so you better pay attention!

Most likely to move far away to reach his dreams, but he would take you with him if he could-- his little star

Beelzebub

Majoring in Physiological Sciences

Pre-Nursing or Pre-Sports Medicine

He’s a little undecided, but he’s definitely going to go into the health field because he likes the idea of being able to use his strength to help others

Gets a scholarship from the university because he’s part of the football team, which is actually pretty hard on him because Fall Semester/Quarter he has to keep skipping classes for games

Always brings a snack to eat with him during lecture-- and is not afraid to bring his entire lunch and make it right in the front row, though he tends to stick to the back because they tend to have electrical plugs

You most likely meet him during lecture: he offers you an entire sandwich (not a chip bag, not fruit snacks, an entire LUNCH) because he heard your stomach growl during class

From then on, you collect notes for him when he’s gone from games and even go to games if you aren’t usually the type to just to see how he’s doing; it’s hard trying to find you among the huge bleachers, but he always asks you where you’re sitting anyways

Really appreciate it if you help him study into late at night because it IS hard balancing sports and academics

He most likely doesn’t really have any time for anything else so he usually makes up for it during the rest of the year when training is less to volunteer in the hospital or at the gym as a personal trainer

If you ask him to teach you how to properly lift weights, he’ll definitely help out and the both of you can work out together-- though you feel bad when he has to add four extra weights to each side after you finish your reps

Belphegor

Majoring in Computer Graphics/Animation

Intending to go into making animation or game design-- is one of the brothers who doesn’t really know exactly what he wants to do yet because he’s afraid that doing what he loves as a job will ruin it for him

His family reassures him that they’ll support him whether or not he continues with his path in life, but he’s considering art school and then taking internships in places so he has a better idea on what he wants

Most likely to sell his own original work and become a full-time artist regardless

I think you already know how you meet him-- he’s sleeping in a lecture hall-- either against the wall or on the small piece of wood they call a desk when class ends and he’s still sleeping; and you wake him up

Sleepily thanks you and continues to sleep through every class that you wake him up to; when you ask him why he doesn’t just go home and sleep, he tells you he’s too lazy to walk back and forth from his dorm/apartment to campus (mood)

When you add each other on Snapchat or something, he sends you pics of ‘places to nap’ on campus

You always end up studying together because he’s actually pretty good at understanding lecture stuff despite not being awake for most of it-- apparently he’s used to teaching himself

Will make you art for your birthday and will vehemently refuse payment so he just tells you to take him out for dinner instead

If you talk about how you’re not sure on what you want to do in life too, he’ll probably say ‘mood’ but is most likely to encourage you to do whatever you want to do in life too

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me shall we date?#ngl i would date beel in this au 100%

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trh-thesussexes · 5 years

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Inside Duchess Meghan’s Emotional Farewell to Royal Life at a Private Engagement

It was supposed to be a quiet day off in the countryside until my phone went berserk—the staccato buzz I set for palace correspondence almost sending it off the table. “His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales is delighted to announce the engagement of Prince Harry to Ms. Meghan Markle,” the November 27, 2017, email read, followed by a note inviting royal correspondents to join the couple for a special photo call to mark the occasion. A few road rules may have been bent to make the 80-ish mile drive from Oxfordshire to Kensington Palace—in traffic—but it was worth it. Standing by the lily-covered Sunken Pond as Harry shared his joy at finally finding his teammate, it was the perfect start to a chapter that would finally bring the royal family into the 21st century. Over the months and years that followed, I closely shadowed the work of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, getting to know the couple better through their humanitarian endeavors, engagements, and overseas visits. Their high-energy work ethic and passion for social justice attracted a new, more diverse demographic of royal watcher to the scene. As a young(ish), biracial royal correspondent, the change was exciting. And as their popularity grew around the world, so did a new golden era for the House of Windsor. Never did I expect that less than two and half years later I would be standing in one of the State Rooms at Buckingham Palace as the Duchess of Sussex emotionally bids much-loved aides farewell, with her flight “home” to Canada leaving in a matter of hours. But then, neither did the couple. After starting the year with a formal proposal to move into part-time working royal roles, and bring some much-needed privacy and safety to their family life, Harry and Meghan’s hopes were quickly dashed by an institution seemingly unable to accept change as a viable option (even though some royals across Europe—and even other members of the British royal family—have succeeded in balancing duties to the crown and individual careers). To say they were crushed is an understatement. It’s a decision that the couple still feel wasn’t necessary, but also wasn’t a surprise, given the lack of support they received as they were relentlessly attacked by sections of the British press with almost daily mistruths and hateful commentary. While recent tabloid coverage has made it seem like the Sussexes’ half-in-half-out bid was about wanting it all, the reality was a couple who were left with no other choice but to create their own change after being left to fend for themselves against impossible circumstances—even during her pregnancy. They knew something had to change, but they also didn’t want to stop supporting the queen. One can’t help but wonder if things might have been different if a family member or two had stood up for them during the darkest times. Despite the pain and difficulties behind the scenes, work has continued to be a priority for the duchess, who is excited to be carrying over her four royal patronages into the Sussexes’ new chapter. It’s also the reason why I was at Buckingham Palace's 1844 Room on Monday, having been invited alongside two other journalists to cover Meghan’s final engagement as a senior working royal: meeting 22 students who have received scholarships from the Association of Commonwealth Universities (ACU). As their royal patron—a role she took over from the queen in 2019—Meghan will continue to prioritize the organization even after officially stepping back on March 31, especially given her position as the vice president of the Queen’s Commonwealth Trust and a former scholarship student herself. In fact, Meghan’s time at Illinois’s prestigious Northwestern University, where she majored in international relations and theater, is what drew her to the ACU in the first place. “The value and importance of higher education is why it should be accessible to everyone, no matter your background,” she says. For Commonwealth Day, March 9, the ACU brought together some of their brightest minds for a private meeting with the duchess, ahead of their attendance at Westminster Abbey’s Commonwealth Service, where some would bear the flags of their countries. The students are all studying masters or PhDs in the U.K. after receiving scholarships from the ACU’s three programs—Commonwealth Scholars, Chevening Scholars, and the ACU Blue Charter Fellow. “That’s what so powerful,” says Meghan, a long-time champion of the importance of universal access to higher education. “This incredible union and the ability to gain so much knowledge and to be able to take that back home.” Chatting with the scholars, the duchess is eager to hear more about how their studies will contribute to tackling the many challenges our world faces today. As she talks with the students, it becomes clear that she’s already done her research on why each guest was invited. It’s inspiring to seeing someone so prepared for these types of engagements, as opposed to just showing up for the photographs. But Meghan doesn’t know any other way of doing it. “I think it’s so important to actually engage with people,”she explains.“I care about these things!” The ACU has seen over 90,000 scholars come through their administered programs, and those invited to Monday’s meeting represent 11 Commonwealth countries in total. Halima Ali, a lawyer from Kenya who is currently studying for her masters in energy and natural resources law at London’s Queen Mary University, says Meghan’s role as patron is hugely important. “For Commonwealth and also Africa countries,” she says,“to see her, her interest, her participation, means a lot to us.” Meghan seems particularly impressed as she chats with Archana Kaliyaraj Selva Kumar, a chemistry student at Oxford University, who has devoted much of her time to using her research to create a new sustainable energy-storing battery that can help communities back in India without wired power. She is also an advocate for helping more women get into science. “What an incredible role model you are,” Meghan tells her. “And seeing is believing. Others see you and ... seeing someone in that space is so inspiring.” During a conversation with a female PhD student from Kenya, Meghan’s eyes light up when the subject of sustainable travel comes up. “That’s something my husband is incredibly passionate about,” she tells the Sheffield Hallam University student. “During our travels to Botswana and different parts of Africa, we’ve seen the link between tourism and how much money is going outside of the country instead of back to communities. There has to be a symbiotic relationship.” For her own travels with Harry, Meghan prefers to move around in a way that allows them to integrate with the locals. “When we go to Botswana, we grab a backpack and pitch a tent!” Meghan laughs. “It’s not much, but that’s how we like it!” Standing at the side of the room, I spot Secretary General of the ACU Joanna Newman looking on proudly. She came to know the duchess well from their numerous ACU engagements and meetings together, and is excited about their relationship continuing long into the future. “She has been a fantastic amplifier of ACU messages to much broader audiences for us,” she tells me, adding that her patronage has given the ACU coverage in places they could have never reached before, including Harper's BAZAAR. She calls Meghan a powerful spokesperson, recalling how she started public conversations about the lack of Black professors and even period poverty.>“The headlines haven’t been about what our patron is wearing or the official engagement started at this time and ended at that time and there was a cup of tea in the middle, it’s about why we are doing what we do and why ACU exists. She’s been a real champion of the work that universities do.” The ACU meeting came at the end of what Sussex aides have nicknamed a “farewell tour” for Harry and Meghan—a chance to tie up loose ends at the palace while taking on a slew of final royal engagements. The itinerary has been packed, starting when I joined the Duke of Sussex in Edinburgh, Scotland, on February 26 as his sustainable travel initiative, Travalyst, entered its next development phase. The ambitious project will be a key component of the Sussexes’ philanthropic portfolio, and it’s become extremely clear just how important the cause is to Harry, who regularly takes part in meetings behind the scenes. Chatting with him one-on-one recently, I was struck by how knowledgeable he has become in this field; his many trips to Botswana inspired the beginnings of the initiative more than a year ago. As one of the attendees at the Edinburgh work summit whispered to me after his speech, “He’s about to change the game for good.” Reuniting after five days apart, Harry and Meghan’s showstopping arrival at the Endeavour Fund Awards served as a reminder of their ability to command the world’s attention. “Nothing to see here, just Meghan Markle showing the fuck out during her final round of royal duties,” wrote a Twitter user, as the pictures of the couple beaming under their umbrella went viral around the world. Inside the ceremony, the focus was firmly on the veterans being honored, all speaking highly of the duke, or Captain Wales, as he’s better known in the veteran community. It’s that mission to support servicemen and servicewomen that has seen Harry pledge to continue to support the community in his new non-working royal life, not just in the United Kingdom but also in North America too. The first task? Bringing the work of the Endeavour Fund and Invictus Games, both of which he helped establish, closer together. Harry’s lifelong commitment is why Saturday’s Mountbatten Festival of Music was a particularly difficult moment, wearing his Captain General of the Royal Marines uniform for the last time. Giving up his royal duties has resulted in his military honors coming to an end—a particularly tough pill to swallow and something that has been just as difficult for his wife to witness. It is, a source close to the couple tells me, a wound that will take time to heal for Harry. Meghan’s surprise appearance at an East London school for International Women’s Day and more traditional royal engagements such as Harry opening an immersive British motorsport museum alongside Lewis Hamilton (“There's nothing better than officially opening a building that is very much open,” the duke joked about the Silverstone Experience, which first opened its doors in October 2019) that rounded out what has been a roller coaster of a farewell visit for the Sussexes. Getting on with the work has always been what it’s been about for Harry and Meghan, but behind the smiles of the photos has been a vulnerable couple who are still very much hurting. Back at Buckingham Palace, the ACU students now en route to Westminster Abbey and Harry quietly slipping through the door to say hello, the reality—and the emotions—finally set in as I give Meghan a goodbye hug. She’s flying back to Canada on the last commercial flight of the day, eager to be back in Vancouver Island to be there when Archie wakes up. For a couple who only ever wanted to focus on their work and bring good to the world, it seems like an unnecessarily cruel ending to their royal lives. Forced to give up roles they’re incredibly proud of after sacrificing so much to get there. At this point, the grand Drawing Room is almost empty and tears that the duchess had been bravely holding back are free to flow among familiar faces. As she embraces some of the loyal staff she will most likely not see again, I can’t help but feel sad for the dedicated team members whose tireless efforts—to promote the couple’s work, launch landmark projects, and deal with the near-daily crises brought on by tabloid lies—have come to an abrupt end. Compared to other royal households, it was a smaller operation, with less resources than the more sophisticated offices at Clarence House and Kensington Palace, but in the short space of a year since setting up, Team Sussex had become like a family, looking out for the couple as much as they could. While the weeks and months ahead will no doubt present new challenges for the Sussexes, the couple genuinely feel a sense of excitement about what’s to come, which includes the freedom to work at a pace that suits them, no longer weighed down by protocol or threatened by toxic agendas. And while much has been (incorrectly) speculated about specific commercial endeavors they might be taking on, both Harry and Meghan are eager to get stuck into their work, which will still revolve around their humanitarian efforts and helping amplify the voices of young people around the world on a wide gamut of issues. “The terrain may be a little different but their priorities are exactly the same as before,” a well-placed source tells me. “Keeping the family, most importantly Archie, safe is what will make all of this worth it.” (x)

#this made me cry :(#They deserved so much better #Duchess of Sussex #Duke of Sussex #Meghan Markle #Prince Harry #article #ACU20 #amazing piece by omid

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superlinguo · 5 years

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Linguistics Jobs: Interview with a Product Manager

A lot of tech people I know say “the best skill a programmer can have is knowing how to look up the right answer on Stack Exchange” It’s one of those websites that people use every day, but perhaps without thinking about how it gets built. Megan Risdal is one of the people who make Stack Overflow happen, as a Product Manager leading Public Q&A. As Megan mentions below, there’s even a Linguistics Stack Exchange (you might just see some old answers from me there). Megan has not only forged a career for herself in tech, she helps demystify the industry for other linguists who might follow in her footsteps, on Twitter (@MeganRisdal) and her blog.

What did you study at university?

My undergraduate degree is in Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Eau Claire where my interests were in individual differences. I also did a minor in French and this is where I first learned about linguistics as a field of study. My combined interests in language and individual differences psychology led me to completing a senior thesis project on variation in attitudes towards linguistic diversity. Just last year this work was published with my then advisor, Dr. Erica Benson, as a chapter in Language Regard: Methods, Variation, and Change.

From here, I did a Master's degree in Sociolinguistics at North Carolina State University. Building on my statistics background from studying psychology, I dove deeper into quantitative methods, learning R along the way, while focusing on sociophonetics and laboratory phonology. For my capstone project, I measured articulatory (ultrasound tongue imaging), aerodynamic, (nasal/oral airflow), and acoustic variation in coarticulatory vowel nasalization strategies among Anglo-American and African American (Vernacular) English speakers.

Finally, I started a PhD at UCLA where I intended to continue studying laboratory phonology. I only ended up finishing one year which was spent on theoretical foundations, articulatory phonetics, and learnability before leaving with a second Master's degree in Linguistics. I ended up deciding to leave academia because I was disillusioned already with the prospect of the job market and the limited potential for my work to have impact beyond academia. I made my mind up when I applied for a job at Google and got an interview. I ultimately failed, but this was enough for me to feel confident my resume was "good enough" (completely incidentally I ended up later getting hired and working at Google for a couple of years prior to my current role).

What is your job?

For the past six months I've been working as a Product Manager at Stack Overflow where I lead the team working on public Q&A. If you're not familiar with Stack Overflow, it's a site where anyone who codes can come to find answers to their programming questions. We also have the Stack Exchange network which has similar Q&A sites for other topics like cooking and anime. There's even a Linguistics Stack Exchange site.

In my day-to-day, as a product manager, I work closely with our developers, designers, researchers, data scientists, community managers, marketing, and leadership. So, it's a lot of meetings and a lot of Google Docs. My job entails taking many, many inputs and synthesizing them into a strategy and product roadmap that the team executes on to make Stack Overflow a more useful, engaging place for all developers. On a given day, you could catch me writing a new feature specification for a developer, reviewing results of an experiment with our data scientists, or dropping in on user interviews. One of the things I love the most about my job is the variety. If a project is slipping or we just don't have the resources for something important, I'm the person who can step in and do what it takes to make sure the work of my collaborators adds up to something successful.

How does your linguistics training help you in your job?

My training in linguistics absolutely helps me.

First, and most importantly I believe, my background in sociolinguistics has taught me the significance of diversity among groups of people (like users of a product) in so many ways. For example, Stack Overflow sees many millions of users every month, but we know that not everyone is equally likely to participate on the site. There are huge, intimidating barriers to participation which disproportionately impact different groups of people depending on things like their background and experience coding. So every day I think about how changes to the product will affect different types of users. Me and my team are constantly striving to better understand the important ways our users vary in their backgrounds, motivations, and pain points and how we can better meet their needs. Especially in a globally diverse online community like ours where users interact and community with each other it's extremely important for me and my colleagues to think about always.

Second, and more concretely, the quantitative methods and experimental best practices I acquired while studying linguistics are highly applicable to my day-to-day job. We make use of a lot of different qualitative and quantitative research methods at Stack Overflow and having training in this area allows me to leverage these resources effectively in my product decision-making. Before I joined Stack Overflow, I had also spent some time as a data scientist, so my background in statistics and R was extremely relevant there. Without this training, I don't think I would be where I am today.

Do you have any advice do you wish someone had given to you about linguistics/careers/university?

Overall, I'm very happy with my trajectory. I'm extremely grateful to everyone who supported me at every stage and I would not be where I am today without all of these experience (yes including dropping out of a PhD!). That said, some thing that I wish I had encountered sooner are:

Seriously, build a public portfolio. Make your work visible. Curate an online presence. Having even a just a modest Twitter following and some publicly discoverable content with my name on it has helped me immeasurably in my career. Oh, and learn git.

Pay some attention to what's going on outside of your academic bubble. I fully intended to stay in academia when I started my PhD at UCLA. Had I thought somewhat ahead of time about the possibility that I would end up industry, I may have prioritized different classes or perhaps even chosen a different PhD program altogether. For example, if you have a choice between learning OCaml and Python, maybe see what non-academia has to say, too, as an input to your decision. Then again, hindsight is 2020. I would have seriously regretted not taking statistics/research methods under any circumstances, though.

Any other thoughts or comments?

I think every tech company should look to hire people trained in linguistics. There are so, so many ways in which a background in linguistics is relevant to so many careers in tech. From user research to data science to (apparently) product management, a background in linguistics adds a unique and valuable perspective. If you're not sure what you're qualified for, carefully tailor your experience, cast your net wide, and seek out advice!

More from Megan

Twitter @MeganRisdal

Personal blog

Recently:

Interview with a Communications Specialist

Interview with a Learning Scientist

Interview with a Lexicographer

Interview with a Journalist

Interview with a PR Consultant

Check out the Linguist Jobs Master List and the Linguist Jobs tag for even more interviews

#language #linguistics #lingjobs #linguistics jobs #linguist jobs #careers #job #work #employment #graduating

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thelittleredheadedmusician · 5 years

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Holiday Cheer?

For @newsies-secret-santa I got @radioactivepigeons which is kinda funny and I thought was totally rad so please enjoy this silly fic! Words: 4,637 Rating: PG Summary: Blink got a job at Target and has to work Black Friday in the electronics department. Really things can only go up from here. AO3

Blink wanted to die. Well not literally. But if the choices were death and this? At least he wouldn’t have been miserable with the former.

He’d needed the extra cash, even though he despised the holiday season and the capitalist hellscape that it created with a deep burning passion, Blink’s laptop was about to die and there was just no way he could buy a new one and pay rent for the month. Thus, the seasonal hours he was picking up at a Target out on Long Island. Which meant working Black Friday. Joy to the ducking world.

It was now almost three hours into his shift and he was being screamed at by his fourth Suburban Mom With Bad Highlights. Honestly? Blink was kinda numb to it at this point. In some not so distant aisle a baby wailed. Soccer Mom took a breath and Blink seized his opportunity before she could continue yelling at him.

“I’m sorry ma’am but we are sold out. Our system says that there’s three left at our West Orange location though.”

She huffed but grabbed her cart and shoved her way out of the electronics department.

In the aftermath, Blink allowed his faux charming smile to falter for just a second. He hadn’t been able to let it drop so far since his manager had informed him that the costumers might find his eye patch “off putting” which he would normally reply a “fuck you” to but he really needed this job.

If Blink’s ancient laptop finally bit the dust, then he wouldn’t be able to use the text to speech program that he needed to complete his readings. Because after a day full of classes, meetings, essays, research, and TA-ing he was tired. Reading was just. Not an option. He was lucky his vision held out until he got home. If his laptop died, he could kiss his long dreamt of PhD in English Lit goodbye. And Blink was one stubborn son of a bitch so that was not happening. He’d gotten this far; he could get through December.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

He had to get through today first though. And damn these people were sure making that hard.

The baby stopped crying abruptly and a John Mulaney quote sprung to Blink’s mind. He didn’t mean to, but he mumbled it anyway, “You hope it was a miracle… but probably not.”

A muffled snort sounded from in front of Blink and he felt himself flush with embarrassment when he looked up to see a guy standing there on the other side of the counter. A very good-looking guy. A downright hot guy with a mess of curls and what appeared to be dimples as he laughed at Blink. And oh duck. He was laughing at Blink.

“Please tell me you were consciously aware of the fact that you were quoting John Mulaney about a baby,” Hot Guy was saying now. And god it was shitty of Blink to just completely objectify him like that but damn it was internal, barely six a.m., and what else was he supposed to call him?

Blink smiled, for real this time, and gave a shrug. Which actually felt kinda good after having not moved from this spot since the store opened. “Can you blame me? It’s true.”

Hot Guy laughed again, louder and longer this time and throwing his head back as he did so. It gave Blink a perfect view of his smooth, dark throat, his skin just a few shades lighter than his curls. He’d started to nod as he chuckled. “It’s true,” he was saying between laughs. And Blink couldn’t tell if he was agreeing with Blink or repeating what he’d said.

Blink knew he was just grinning dopily him, but he really couldn’t help himself. He was practically dead on his feet and he hadn’t even had “lunch” yet here stood Blink’s dream partner. Cute, laughed at his stupid comments, knew John Mulaney quotes. Look, Blink knew it was a low bar, but you’d be surprised how few people managed to cross it. Normally it was the second point that tripped them up.

Finally, Blink managed to come back to where and more importantly when he was. “Sorry, uh, is there anything I can help you with?”

Th guy shook his head, his hands were shoved deep in his coat pockets and when he made a sweeping motion it pulled his unzipped coat into a sail. “Honestly? I’m just biding my time while my mom guilts my aunt into giving her the last of whatever toy my cousin desperately wants so that she can be the hero come Christmas morning.”

“Wow,” Blink said with a low whistle. “That is some next level family drama.”

Hot Guy rolled his eyes but that smile never slipped. And thank god, Blink was pretty sure that looking at that smile for the rest of the holiday shopping season would keep him from wanting to commit a felony.

“They’re so competitive,” he was saying, “that now they have to come up with new ways to be competitive. It’s a mess. But can’t say that it makes for a dull holiday.”

He was buffeted by an overlarge man, pushing him closer to Blink’s counter and causing him to stumble. Instinctively, Blink reached out to steady him and managed to grab his upper arm. What felt like his very toned upper arm. Oh duck. Blink was so dead. He didn’t even know this guy’s name and he was already gone on him.

“Thanks,” Hot Guy said once he was steadied. He glanced to Blink’s nametag before looking back up at him with that brilliant smile. “Louis. Thanks Louis.”

“No problem,” Blink heard himself saying because that was it. Wherever Blink was now it wasn’t this plane of existence. He had no clue what he was doing or saying because internally he was just a mess of giddy screams. Pretty people just should not exist because this is what happened to Blink when they talked to him. “It’s insane in here, not your fault.” Oh duck. Had he been rambling? Man, he hoped he hadn’t been rambling.

The smile never slipped though so whatever nonsense was coming out of Blink’s mouth Hot Guy didn’t seem to mind.

Suddenly a voice cut through the chaos. “MIKEY! WE’RE LEAVING!”

His smile twisted into an apologetic wince. “That’s my mom,” Hot Guy told him and Blink was pulled none too gently back to reality. “I’ve gotta go or I will be left here. You always on electronics?” he asked quickly as he started backing away.

“Um, no just today.”

Hot Guy had reached the main aisle and was nodding. “Ok. Um, I’ll find you then?”

Blink nodded and raised his hand in a wave. Hot Guy, well apparently his name was Mikey, flashed him one last smile before sprinting towards the front of the store.

Blink meant to watch him as he walked away but a little old lady’s perm had filled his vision and when he looked down she was rather urgently holding out a stack of coupons and a flyer opened to the new iPhone. He had a few thoughts – who thought it was a good idea to let an octogenarian out Black Friday shopping at the peak of the crazy, there was no way those coupons were actually going to be accepted today, he was not authorized to sell iPhones, he did not have the patience to explain that he was not authorized to sell iPhones to her – but they all were shoved down as she started talking at him.

Two p.m. and the end of Blink’s shift did not come soon enough. He was due back bright and early tomorrow at seven, but luckily he was just stocking shelves the first few hours and wouldn’t have to properly think again until he had to work a register after lunch.

It was odd walking out into the bright afternoon sun after having gone into the liminal space that he now called his place of employment in total darkness. The parking lot was still full, and he squinted against the light as he searched for Sarah’s silver Toyota in a sea of silver sedans.

He finally found her at the back of the lot, seemingly talking to herself and waving her hands around as she did so. He knocked on the passenger window and she turned to beam at him before unlocking the car and continuing her conversation.

“I mean, I stand by what I said.”

“Oh, I know you do,” Katherine’s voice came out of the speakers, obviously on the other end of the call. “But that doesn’t mean it’s a viable option.”

“What are we talking about?” Blink asked. He rubbed his hands and held them up to the vent where Sarah was blasting warm air. The walk wasn’t that far but the wind had been killer.

“Murder,” Sarah said cheerily at the same time that Katherine said, “My family.”

“Ah, holidays,” Blink said with sarcasm laced cheer. The girls laughed and Blink sank further back into the seat, exhaustion finally hitting him full force.

“Ok, well I’ll let you two go. See you soon!” There was the sound of raised voices somewhere in the background and Blink guessed that Kath wasn’t just hanging up to let Blink and Sarah talk.

“Bye Kath’rine,” he mumbled.

“Bye Kath!” Sarah said brightly and then there was the weird boop of the call disconnecting. She turned to Blink – or at least he assumed she turned to him but Blink had enough seeing for one day thank you very much and so had pushed his eye patch up onto his forehead and had his eyes closed with his hands pressed over them – and started talking to him with the same enthusiasm. Which was refreshing from the faux happy of his coworkers and the misery of the shoppers but like Blink was not on that level. “So how was work?”

“I hate capitalism. And middle-aged white women. And Christmas.”

Sarah hummed as she put the car in drive and began to back out of the spot. “Yeah, best part of being Jewish? Not doing all that.”

Blink laughed. He hadn’t really done Christmas growing up, after his dad died it’d just been his mom and his brothers and him and his mom really tried but money was tight. Normally they each got a new book and just watched A Christmas Story. Which Blink really didn’t mind and he loved reading and well, he still uses the whole “You’ll shoot your eye out!” thing as his excuse when people ask him about the patch. Just says, “Ralphie was lucky, he was wearing glasses. Me… well I used to have 20/20 vision.” It made people laugh and he didn’t actually have to answer the question.

But all this Black Friday nonsense? All this “buying the perfect gift” and making it the “best Christmas ever” and trying to be a picture-perfect Norman Rockwell family just for the one day a year even though everyone knew it was a sham? Yeah, that was bullshit and a load of bullshit Blink really didn’t need in his life. But damn he needed that new laptop.

“Well thanks,” Blink said after a short silence.

“For what?” Sarah asked. They were good friends, thanks to Jack being one of Blink’s buddies from high school and Jack and Davey meeting in college and being, well, Jack and Davey and then Sarah being Dave’s sister it only made sense that they’d crossed paths freshman year and hit it off. Though they were probably the most surprised of anybody when they’d gotten so close over the next couple of years. Even then, Sarah wasn’t a mind reader and Blink had a habit of non sequiturs.

“Driving me to and from work. Especially today what with the hours. And then being willing to bring me out here every weekend for the next month,” Blink explained.

Sarah scoffed but Blink kept talking before she could start telling him how little she minded. He needed to get it off his chest.

“And for inviting me to Thanksgiving and letting me stay with you and your folks. I already thanked ‘em yesterday for it and for letting me stay the weekends but you’re driving and I’ll pay you for some of the gas once I get my first paycheck and-”

“Louis!” She cut him off and Sarah only ever called him Louis if she really needed his attention. “It’s fine! You don’t have to thank me or pay for gas! Jeez. I’m helping Les prep for his SATs and coming out every weekend anyway, it’s literally not a problem. Besides, my parents love you and since they moved out here they have the spare room. On top of all that, you’re one of my best friends, you’re always welcome at the Jacobs Family Thanksgiving, with all its insanity, and I’m more than happy to help you out in any way I can. We all are.”

Blink sighed and sat up to look at her. Sarah was glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, trying to gauge his reaction. “You’re too good.”

She just smirked and shrugged. “I mean, I’m going to make you help me help Les so really you might want to rethink that.”

Blink laughed and he could tell that Sarah was pleased with herself. She let him sit in silence for a little while longer as she turned into the development that her parents had moved to when the twins were in high school. Mr. Jacobs had gotten injured at work due to the company cutting corners and not following the proper safety protocols. They’d sued and managed to win enough that they covered the medical bills and moved to the family out of their cramped apartment in Lower Manhattan to the nice house in suburban Long Island. Now, Mr. Jacobs served on the town council and worked as a safety inspector and the house had become a weekend refuge for their children’s ragtag group of friends.

“So,” Sarah said as they neared her parents’ house, “anything that you need to curse about from today before we get home?”

Groaning and throwing his hands up in the air made her laugh but the look Sarah gave him said she wasn’t going to accept that as an answer. Blink sighed. “If I never hear a thick Long Island accent again it’ll be too soon.”

That got him a snort. “You’re friends with Spot Conlon-”

“Who has a Brooklyn accent and yes there is a difference!”

Sarah scoffed, obviously not buying it but Blink was willing to die on this hill.

“I really don’t understand what everyone needs a seventy-five-inch tv for. Honestly. And now I officially cringe anytime I see a woman with a ‘Can I Speak to Your Manager’ haircut.”

Sarah turned into her driveway and parked but didn’t turn off the car yet. “That it?”

Blink shrugged and began to nod before freezing. “Oh my god. I can’t believe I nearly forgot.”

Sarah looked concerned and he knew he must have a horrified expression.

He turned to her and looked at her seriously. “Sarah.”

“Blink?”

“I met the love of my life this morning.”

“Really.” She sounded incredulous.

“I swear to you. I am in ducking love.”

“Uh huh. You get their number?”

Blink winced, remembering his mistake from being dead on his feet when he met the guy. “No…”

“Blink!”

“Look! It was early! Like before sunrise! And I was on the electronics counter! I’m lucky I was able to speak coherent English!”

Sarah snorted but remained silent, giving him the opportunity to redeem himself.

“I got his name,” Blink told her and was rewarded with an impressed raise of the brows. “And he said he’s gonna come back another day when it’s not crazy to see me so…”

With a sigh and a shake of the head Sarah showed that he’d lost any points he got by getting the guy’s name. “So? Who is he?”

“Uh, Mikey.”

“Mikey…? What. What’s his last name.”

Blink winced. “I just know his name’s Mikey.”

Sarah gave him a blank look and turned to shut off the car and get out. Blink resettled his eye patch and hurried to follow her. “You’re hopeless,” Sarah called over her shoulder as she walked to the door.

Blink sighed and followed. “I know.”

Saturday passed in a blur. Thankfully it was significantly less busy and Blink actually knew the answers to all the questions he was asked but it still drained him. He practically collapsed when he got in Sarah’s car.

“Mystery Mikey show up?” she teased but Blink knew there was genuine interest in there too.

Blink sighed. “No.”

“Well you’ve got time.”

Blink just shrugged and allowed himself to doze off as they drove.

Sunday afternoon saw Blink climbing out of Sarah’s car so he could get his bag and climb back into Sarah’s car so she, Blink, and Davey could all get back to the city. He felt absolutely wiped from his first weekend working at Target but knew it was all because of the sales. Some not so distant part of him said that he should just get used to this though because he was working weekends all holiday season and this was just going to be his life now.

He thanked Mr. Jacobs again and gave Mrs. Jacobs one last hug and Les’s hair one last ruffle before following Davey out the door. They both threw their bags in the trunk and Dave shot him a quizzical look.

“You even pack anything? You only needed red shirts and khakis,” he deadpanned.

Blink stared at him for a few seconds. “Wow. That joke? It was so funny I forgot to laugh.”

Davey snorted and Blink responded with an eyeroll. Normally he’d have smiled but he was too tired to do much else than turn to get back in the car.

He stopped as he caught sight of the next-door neighbors’ driveway. Next to a blue Honda was a mother hugging her adult son tightly. The guy had his eyes turned skyward and seemed to be enduring her public display of affection. It looked like he was gearing up to say something to her when he saw Blink though.

That was when Blink knew. He’d thought it was Mikey, his mystery crush from Friday, but when he froze Blink knew it was him.

Mikey’s mother could be heard asking him what was wrong as he stiffly released her and then she was turning to watch him cross over the grass dividing the two driveways and walk up to Blink.

They stood there staring at each other in shock. Sarah had come out and distantly Blink heard her ask Davey what was going on and Davey mumbling something back. But Blink didn’t care because what’re the odds that he’d actually meet the guy he’d decided he’d fallen in love with again?

“What’re you doing at the Jacobs?” Mikey finally asked in awe.

“Uh, spending the holiday? They’re letting me stay here while I work too cause I live in the city. And Sarah likes me for some reason so she’s driving me around.” Blink didn’t know where the blatant honesty word vomit had come from, but he blamed the shock.

Mikey laughed. Blink could do little else but stare.

“Blink!” Sarah finally called from where she stood at the driver’s door. “What is going on?”

“This is him!” Blink gestured towards the man in front of him, hoping desperately that Sarah would understand.

“Mush? Mush is who?” Sarah obviously did not understand.

“Him! Him,” Blink implored. “The guy from Black Friday!”

“What’re you talking about?” Davey sounded tired. But Davey always sounded tired. Blink elected to ignore him and go back to grinning dumbly at Mikey.

“Hold up,” Sarah said, drawing everyone’s attention. “Your Mystery Mikey is Mush from Next Door?”

“Apparently!” Mikey, or was it Mush? Did he have a preference? Or did Blink have to earn that? Was it an inside joke?

“I’m so lost,” Davey informed them and went to sit in the car.

“Why didn’t you just say that it was Mush?” Sarah sighed. “It could’ve saved so many melodramatic sighs.”

Blink felt his cheeks heat and glanced to see that Mush had bit his lip to try and keep from laughing. Duck that was adorable.

“Um, in Louis’s defense I never actually said my name,” Mikey/Mush finally spoke up. “If I’d have thought to properly introduce myself it would’ve been as Mush Meyers but I’m guessing you and the entire store heard my mom call me Mikey so…” He trailed off with a shrug.

Sarah snorted before Blink could reply. “You actually said your name was Louis?”

“It’s what’s on my nametag! No way I’m gonna run around telling random costumers to call me Blink. And it was busy and I was distracted,” here he gestured vaguely at Mush, “so I didn’t get the chance to say that I go by Kid Blink but most of my friends just call me Blink. Only people who don’t are my mom, my professors – with the exception of Jackson but he’s my advisor – and now my coworkers.”

“And me when I’m annoyed with you or want your attention,” Sarah added.

“And Sarah when she’s annoyed with me or wants my attention,” Blink corrected.

Mush nodded, that easy smile Blink had called to mind so many times in the past couple days was back. “Ok, let’s try this again.” He held out his hand, “Hi, name’s Mush.”

Blink beamed at him and shook his hand. “Kid Blink, but you can just call me Blink.”

“I think you’re really cute and funny and I’d love to get to know you better, want to get coffee some time?”

He didn’t think he could smile any wider after a six-hour shift as a cashier but somehow Blink managed it. “I would love that.”

“Awww, cute,” Sarah interrupted.

Blink turned to glare at her, but he caught Mush biting his lip again out of the corner of his eye. He was going to make sure that Mush always stood on his good side because Blink wasn’t ever going to miss a glimpse of that face if he could help it.

“Can you exchange numbers and plan this date that way?” She continued. “Not to be pushy but I really don’t want to get stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge.”

“Brooklyn,” Blink muttered in annoyance and was surprised to hear Mush do so too.

At Blink’s raised brows Mush shrugged. “It’s this guy I know, Spot Conlon, it’s his turf.”

“You know Spot?” Blink had to pause a second. How was it this guy lived next door to the Jacobs, or his mom obviously did, and he knew Spot Conlon and Blink had met him on the worst day of the year in a ducking Target electronics department.

“Yes, yes, and I’m sure it’s a thrilling story and I’m sure you’ll discover a million more little connections because Long Island and New York City are the biggest small town in the world and everybody knows somebody who knows somebody who knows you but traffic is not going to get any better the longer we stand here in the cold,” Sarah huffed.

Dave rolled down his window. “She’s right and will only get meaner.”

“Thank you,” Sarah said primly. Davey just nodded and the window went back up.

Blink turned back to Mush to see he already had his phone out and a new contact page pulled up. He took it and put in “Kid Blink” and in the company line “Alex from Target 2.0” before typing his number and sending himself a text.

Mush laughed when he took it back and Blink smiled in triumph. “I’ll text you,” Mush said firmly and he slid it back in his coat pocket.

“Uh, actually can I call you when I get home? It’s uh, it’s um-”

“Absolutely,” Mush cut him off and kept smiling. “Whatever you prefer.”

Blink smiled back and nodded. “Ok. Cool. Thanks.”

They both stood there grinning stupidly at each other until Sarah honked the horn, obviously having gotten cold and impatient. Blink waved as he got in and Sarah backed out of the driveway, watching Mush wave back until he disappeared.

The next Friday when Blink slid into Sarah’s car where she pulled up outside of his apartment building, he was met with a “Hello” and a surprise hug from the backseat. Blink turned to see Mush sitting back there and grinning wildly. They’d talked nearly every day this week and had gone on their first official date on Wednesday.

“What’re you doing here?” Blink asked in awe.

“My mom wants me to help put up the Christmas lights and I remembered you saying Sarah was taking you out with her on the weekends, so I texted her and asked if she’d mind if I tagged along.”

“Obviously I said no he couldn’t,” Sarah said dryly. “He’s also been recruited into the ‘Les Jacobs SAT Prep Squad.’” She looked at him seriously in the rearview mirror and Blink knew she wasn’t joking about that. Mush just laughed and shrugged.

“If I were a better friend and a worse sister, I’d have left him drive you,” she told Blink softly.

He looked back over the seat to Mush before turning back to Sarah. “Nah, this is perfect.”

They all chatted as they neared the Brooklyn Bridge before Sarah started grumbling about rush hour traffic.

“You know,” Blink said suddenly. “You never did say how you know Spot.”

Mush started laughing and launched into the story. Blink was so swept up in it, and most importantly Mush animatedly telling it, that he hardly even noticed as Sarah cursed up a storm.

Blink might still hate the holiday season. And really hate working retail. And especially hate working retail during the holiday season. And need a new laptop. But, with meeting Mush he thought that it was all more than worth it.

#newsies #newsies secret santa 2019 #kid blink #mush meyers #sarah jacobs #david jacobs #92sies #my fic #writing #own writing

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general-luce · 5 years

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Level 30

I turn 30 in a couple of days now, and it has me in my thoughts, especially with this coronavirus going around and my conventions canceled and all that stuff. Long post is long, by the way.

Also hey @neobrogrippa, thanks for sticking with me so long, fam.

So how does 30 look?

I’m not seeing anyone romantically.

I have no kids nor any desire to have kids.

I live with my dad (I’d live with my mom but she doesn’t have the space) in a home I will one day own. At this very moment, my dad is finishing up the sanding on some shelves for a library (I was helping him earlier with it and I’ll be staining them soon).

I work in customer service, in a call center.

I owe over 100k in student debt.

I figured out I was bi when I was 29 – yeah, I know.

There are many people who would look at all of this and consider me a failure. I don’t.

Sometime around the age of 25, maybe a little before, maybe a little after, I realized that all I wanted was to be happy. On May 15, 2015, I sent out emails to my professors, telling them I would be discontinuing the program. The response of one professor in particular has stuck with me, for all this time:

“Oh, how I envy you, and wish I had made a similarly wise decision many years ago. If I had I would be living somewhere that made me happy and doing something occupationally that made me even happier. The world is now your oyster; choices are many. Enjoy the freedom of a future with multiple paths ahead of you.”

And of course my train of thoughts get interrupted to go help with sanding!

But from this email, from this moment, I considered what made me happy – and I’m a very simple person. A video game, a book, traveling now and then with my mom or some friends, a good conversation, writing. My academic studies never fulfilled me, nor did the thought of career. I wanted money to do things with. Given, there ARE things I want to learn, but that’s for learning’s sake. Latin, especially. Academia was done with the intent of a job, and that job looked less and less happy.

So I took my Master’s degree and left off the pursuit of a PhD and went into the job market. I now have a stable job, stable hours, increasing pay with benefits. I could live on my own if I wanted, but it’s not wanted. I can invest instead in a house I’m going to own, and help shoulder the burden of bills so that my dad and myself have more money for other pursuits.

I can do cosplay.

I can buy books, games, coffee, and all number of things.

I have savings for trips.

I’ve gotten so much better at taking care of myself - of what I eat, of how I eat, of exercise, of mental stability - just, everything.

I have found I can weather an emergency of $2k, because I had to.

I was able to go to a Star Wars Celebration, and I do conventions most every year.

If I had continued on the path at 25, things would be very different.

So what is this to say?

In part, this is to say, don’t let other people’s ideas of where you should be, influence you. Everyone has different ideas of what life should look like, and where they want to be, and our original thoughts often need adapting. Mine did. This is also to say it’s not too late to make a change. I know I’m only 30, but making a change at 25 was still terrifying for me, and if I didn’t have my family’s support, I would likely be scrambling a lot more to get a footing – so I know change isn’t always a SAFE option at every time, but I found a time when it was safe, and it was good, for me – and I took it.

I’ve found my happiness in simple things, after 25 years of struggling, and trying to be someone, because everyone said I “was going somewhere”.

And maybe I am, one day. I still hope to be a published writer, but even if I’m not, I’m all right with that.

I have two cats who depend on me.

I have friends who enjoy my insight into life.

I have plenty of small pleasures, and an active imagination.

I have thriving relationships with both of my parents.

I have a work-in-progress library, and a work-in-progress home.

I’m able to help my dad collect donations for an elderly home that took care of his dad (my grandpa). I see the power of kindness begetting kindness from my father, and I try to do the same - so I am able to give larger tips for service workers. I bring chocolate to those I see often. I get sugar free candy for my diabetic co-worker now and then.

I am able to bring random deliveries of food to my mom and go see her, and talk to her, more than before.

I’m looking at getting a new tattoo here soon that is not quite a match, but a way to hold a connection with my brother.

My brother, who found himself at 25 and went to go travel the world through the navy. Maybe we’re both late bloomers.

I have found my happiness in the 5 years since leaving school behind, and I’ve accepted that I don’t want to be interesting, or earthshattering, or make drastic changes. I’m okay being boring and stable. I’m okay being happy in myself, and I think that’s what I want to say.

At level 30, I want to say: find out how to be happy in yourselves, whenever possible, however possible.

#introspection #deep thoughts #deep thots #birthday #thirty #30 #happy birthday #90s kid #happiness

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creativity-is-rebellion · 5 years

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Life on Intermission

So, for mental health reasons, I have decided to put my law studies on hold for six months while I gather myself. The thing I am supposed to be mostly doing is resting (which is the hardest thing in the world for me - I always need something to do). I think the main reason why it is difficult is because for the majority of my life I have had too much cortisol running through my body. When I was a kid (and teenager), I grew up in a tumultuous household with a narcissistic mother and an enabler for a father. I had to parent and counsel my mother day and night for her unresolved issues surrounding her own traumatic upbringing and stressful early life, which led to a transference of generational trauma from herself to me. I was both psychologically, (and one time) sexually abused by her. Adding to this, there was a constant money shortage, sometimes to the point of relying on food stamps, and I was bullied terribly at school. At 16 years of age, I was raped by a guy who had been my boyfriend of 3 months, and unceremoniously dumped shortly afterwards. I had to see him every day at school for the rest of my time there. The loneliness I felt, with both what was going on at home and what was going on at school, led me to try to take my own life with pills, but obviously, this was unsuccessful, because my parents came home early and I was rushed to the hospital unconscious and had my stomach pumped. My mother refused me a counselor and medication, so my depression (which was later diagnosed as Bipolar I) just got worse. and unceremoniously dumped shortly afterwards. I had to see him every day at school for the rest of my time there. The loneliness I felt, with both what was going on at home and what was going on at school, led me to try to take my own life with pills, but obviously, this was unsuccessful, because my parents came home early and I was rushed to the hospital unconscious and had my stomach pumped. My mother refused me a counselor and medication, so my depression (which was later diagnosed as Bipolar I) just got worse. and unceremoniously dumped shortly afterwards. I had to see him every day at school for the rest of my time there. The loneliness I felt, with both what was going on at home and what was going on at school, led me to try to take my own life with pills, but obviously, this was unsuccessful, because my parents came home early and I was rushed to the hospital unconscious and had my stomach pumped. My mother refused me a counselor and medication, so my depression (which was later diagnosed as Bipolar I) just got worse. because my parents came home early and I was rushed to the hospital unconscious and had my stomach pumped. My mother refused me a counselor and medication, so my depression (which was later diagnosed as Bipolar I) just got worse. because my parents came home early and I was rushed to the hospital unconscious and had my stomach pumped. My mother refused me a counselor and medication, so my depression (which was later diagnosed as Bipolar I) just got worse.

I graduated from school with a relatively good result, and thus was able to gain entry into the university program of my choice. Or rather, it was my parent's choice. I had won a few poetry competitions which had been published in some anthologies. I wanted to study creative writing, but my parents thought it would be better I learned something "more stable" (which is ironic), so I "decided" to study psychology, my third choice. Regardless, I thought this would be a way to start over, and leave the horrors of high school behind me. But because of my family's lack of money, it was impossible to move out on just the income I was getting from the casual job I had whilst supporting myself at university. And then, along came my first love, who I had a tumultuous relationship with. We were on again, off again for many months, in fact, many years. We first met in 2003, and parted ways for the last time at the beginning of 2006. In hindsight, I think he loved me, but just couldn't say it. At the time though, it was devastating. I moved states and universities to get away from the situation, first to Canberra (but I have followed me there), and then to Brisbane (but I have kind of followed me there too).

I was able to make a life for myself in Brisbane for a time, despite still living with my parents (who had followed me up there), but then the loneliness I felt, mixed with being given the wrong meds, led to my first full -blown manic episode. I was spending money I didn't have, and wracking up a debt on 3 credit cards and 2 personal loans. In 2005, I tried to take my life again, which (again) was unsuccessful. Towards the tail end of this spending spree, I met my future husband. This was a brief reprieve. I decided to take a year off uni and work full-time to pay my debt back, and my future husband and I moved in together. Within 7 months, I was pregnant with our first son, and, even though I went back to university, I kept having to defer because of money issues. After giving birth, I went though a pretty bad bout of postpartum depression,

In 2010, we got married, and things went well for a couple of months, until the financial situation became critical. We decided to move back to Norway, my husband's home country, despite me never even visiting, as he could get a better job there. I graduated with just one half of my double-degree, and off we went. Initially, things were good when we moved; I worked toward my master, learned the language, got a few jobs which allowed me to focus on practicing the language, and was of the impression that I would be able to study psychology in Bergen once I finished my language courses. But then, in 2012, I found out that I had been given the wrong information about this, and it was no longer an option. I wanted to leave, as there were no jobs available in my specialized area. I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts for the first time ever in 2012, but there would be another 3 times after that over my time in Norway. In 2013, I gave birth to my second son, which was truly a joy, and for which I didn't get any postpartum depression, but, at that time, my actual Bipolar was bad enough. My husband's career was taking off, and I felt my problems were ignored, and that he was leaving me behind. We didn't move back to Australia (my home country) until 2017. Again, there was another promise of a fresh start.

After working with my degree for a few months, I decided to do my PhD, which was awful (I covered that in a previous post). I loved teaching and participating in conducting research, though. With my income from these gigs, and my husband's income, we were living the high life. Until the teaching dried up and my husband's company folded at the beginning of 2019. The pressure of all of this led me to be hospitalized again in the psychiatric ward 2019 for 3 months. Afterwards, as soon as I came out, I had to look for work, due to our dire financial situation. We had been in the throes of building a new house when times were good, and now we were in more debt than we had ever been. My husband found work, but was now earning half of what he was earning before. I've applied for 600 jobs before I've got to his first job interview. I ended up getting casual work, but couldn't find anything permanent, and it didn't pay enough. I started my law degree, which got off to a prosperous start, but I was also diagnosed with Lupus, which would explain why I not only felt mentally shit, but also physically shit. And that takes my biography more or less up to the present (with some stuff most likely left out).

But now, I am taking a break. I am, for the first time, deciphering what happened to me, trying to process all of the trauma, in order to become a better version of myself. Here are just some of the things I am doing during this coronavirus lockdown to self-improve:

^ Here is book I need to read whilst in the throes of finally finishing my first novel. It's only taken me 13 years. Not biggie. I need to procrastinate less. But also be less harsh on myself. I've had some really dark periods in-between that have lasted years. Sometimes, I just feel like I lose so much time when the depression is particularly bad. It makes me overdo myself when I actually feel OK for once.

^ This is a picture of my jewelery projects and couch-side workroom for when I am on hiatus. I'm going to try to get my jewelry business in order during my time off, but it's all about moderation, as my jewelry-making sometimes becomes obsessive because I get a rush of ideas. For example, yesterday I made 3 necklaces and 4 bracelets in a trance-like state. It might be impending mania, and I have to try to keep track of it, and approach it in a healthy way.

^ My fitness and health has been a personal concern of mine for a while now. Due to being diagnosed with Lupus last year, the sedentary life of being a student, and having to take mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics for my Bipolar, I have put on a little bit of weight that I want to shed, but because of the physical pain I experience due to the flares, sometimes it's difficult to do anything but light exercise. It's all about baby steps. Daily walks are also good for boosting my mood.

There is also a number of boxes awaiting my attention in the garage, which I suppose could be seen as symbolic of me unloading both emotional and literal unwanted baggage / rubbish. Its a long road, but at least I am finally taking the necessary steps for dealing with unresolved trauma and ridding myself of painful secrets that have haunted me for the longest time. All I have to do now is to remind myself to breathe.

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douchebagbrainwaves · 5 years

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IF LISP IS A CASUALTY OF

This is an extremely useful question. If someone went to Stanford and is not obviously insane, they're probably a safe bet. And yet a lot of lines have nothing on them but a delimiter or two. And that cures the other half of the thank-you notes from his wedding, four years ago. I now realize, is that there is now potentially an actual audience for our work. Here's a sign of how much programmers like to be good at hacking, is figure out what you truly like. It's practically the standard ending in blog entries—uh, what it the conclusion? Prep schools openly say this is inevitable—that high school students aren't capable of getting anything done yet. But you're not thinking that way about a class project and a real startup? Naive founders think that if they can just hire enough people it somehow will be. The whole language always available.

Part of the reason VCs are harsh when negotiating with startups is that big companies tend to have fewer bugs. The reason is that software plays an increasingly important role in companies, and the power of something is how well you can use this information in a way that is crabbed and incomprehensible? What makes it true is that it's more preposterous to claim about anywhere else. And yet, if they do let you down, will still seem to have been a prudent choice. The way to learn about physics didn't need to start by mastering Greek in order to read Aristotle. It's especially good if your application solves some new problem. After the first 10 or so we learned to treat deals as background processes that we should ignore till they terminated. They're the ones that actually work. Certainly. C: C is too low-level. So companies have evolved to fill that niche. He just cannot fail now.

But if you look at the employment agreement you sign when you get fouled is not to search for them—not to wander about thinking, what great discovery shall I make? In fact, the acquirer would have been capable, yet amenable to authority. Co-founders really should be people you already know. Back in the days when people might spend their whole career at one big company, which is the least of your problems, a low burn rate gives you more opportunity to recover from them. And the way these assumptions are going to get nothing. Well, therein lies half the work of essay writing. Only a few people really happy than to make a difference. I know many Lisp hackers that this has happened to. As long as you've made something that a few users love you, but that won't be the last idea you'll have.

As well as having precisely measurable results, we have to have in person. And aside from that, grad school is close to paradise. It sounds crazy, but there's a good chance that would work. Knuth pointed out long ago that speed only matters in a few critical bottlenecks. In practice this seems to work much as in LA. If a startup succeeds, you get to compare how they all perform on identical tasks; and everyone's life is pretty fluid. Sure, it can be launched. Most subjects are taught in such a boring way that it's only by discipline that you can test equality by comparing a pointer. Unfortunately the sort of AI I was trying to solve. Kerry lost. If they could even get here they'd presumably know a few things we don't.

On Lisp. Medieval alchemists were working on a hard problem, but their approach was so bogus that there was a university nearby. As in an essay about it. But I think I know the answer to that. Initially you have to think about more than just learning. Right now most of you feel your job in life is to be learned from whatever book on it happens to be intended for writing compilers. Above that threshold, software purchases generally had to be crammed into the form of an academic paper to yield one more quantum of publication. I think almost anything you can do anything if you really get it, you can contribute to open-source projects. And board votes are rarely split. Individual programs can certainly be the result of a presidential election, which makes it easy to believe it was the cause. And the cost of checks, you can do something that makes many different programs shorter, it is just as worthwhile to design a good language? I've paid close attention to any evidence I could get on the question, how do you get into a good one?

They were invented by McCarthy in the course of developing Lisp. Airbnb into the astonishingly successful organism it is now. But it seemed worth spoiling the atmosphere if I could only tell startups 10 things, this would be one of them you were at a disadvantage. The term dark ages is presently out of fashion as too judgemental the period wasn't dark; it was just different, but if you major in economics it will be easy to raise more money. Or the company that would be a distinct node if you drew a tree representing the source code. I had stopped believing that. What I'm looking for are programs that are short because delimiters can be omitted and everything has a one-character name. But in ambitious adults, instead of drying up, curiosity becomes narrow and deep. They're all terrible procrastinators and find it almost impossible to make themselves do anything they're not interested in. This turns out to be important, because a lot of time on work that interests you, and startups run on morale. In retrospect this was a smart move, but we couldn't figure out how to give them what they want to do research as a career.

Well, this seems a grim view of the world. PhD in computer science, and it could require interpretation in the case of contemporary authors. And when I used to think running was a better form of exercise than hiking because it took less time. One got extra credit for motives having to do with how abstract the language is spoken. Societies eventually develop antibodies to addictive new things. I hadn't deliberately tuned in to that wavelength to see if there was any signal left. Your second advantage, poverty, might not sound like an advantage, but it turned out I was 450 years too late. College is where faking stops working. Yes, of course. And make the topic so intellectually bogus that you could not, if asked, explain why one ought to write about these issues, as far as I know has a serious girlfriend, and everything they own will fit in one car or is crappy enough that they don't mind leaving it behind. Of course they do. Having gotten it down to 13 sentences, I asked myself which I'd choose if I could save some of the people on both sides who supply and check proofs of the supplier's solvency.

Startups rarely die in mid keystroke. Maybe this will change if enough startups choose SF. If they were just like us, then they had to make concessions. At this point he is committed to fight to the death. But really what work experience refers to is not some specific expertise, but the curiosity I mean has a different shape from kid curiosity. They have little discipline. So in addition to the usual clauses about owning your ideas, you also can't be a founder of a startup is to have a rigid, pre-ordained plan and then start a startup at 30. There is now a whole neighborhood of them in San Francisco. Wodehouse or Evelyn Waugh or Raymond Chandler is too obviously pleasing to seem like serious work, as reading Shakespeare would have been better off; not only wouldn't these guys have broken anything, they'd have gotten a lot more than you realized. If it is not all they're for, then what else are they for, and how important, relatively, are these other functions? Checks on purchases will always be expensive, because the center of gravity of Silicon Valley.

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hachama · 5 years

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Second Democratic Debate Analysis, pt. 1

Like last time, I’ve (finally) read the transcripts. I read the fact-checkers’ analysis. I have ranked them.

Also like last time, due to the size of the field, I’ll be splitting my analysis into four groups. This first one will be the Please Do Not Make Me Vote For Them group:

Good news! Due to candidates dropping out, it’s a shorter list!

Biden, Williamson, Delaney, Ryan, and Bullock

Under the break, I’ll be analyzing their debate performance, how effectively they represented themselves on the issues, and how much I hate them, in reverse order of preference. Let’s begin.

17) Bullock

Governor Steve Bullock did not make an appearance in the first set of debates, and now I know why. He is the Shirley Exception made flesh. “Surely no one would actually use our laws to hurt someone. Surely if someone is really a good person they won’t face terrible abuses. Surely not…” Stevie, these are things that are currently happening. These are facts.

Those who read my analysis of the first debates should know that I do not accept any luke-warm “healthcare choice” arguments, and Steve is full of those, too.

He’s very worried about other candidates campaign promises being unrealistic, and says that it’s important to listen to “real Americans,” as if democratic socialists and the majority of Americans who support universal healthcare aren’t “real” enough for him.

As if that weren’t enough, he also argues in favor of some of the abuses of immigrants, as a deterrent to immigration.

To his credit, he supports treating gun violence as a public health issue, including research by the CDC into causes, which could inform actually useful gun control policies. He wants to see Citizens United overturned, which is also good. But not good enough.

16) Ryan

Representative Tim Ryan has the distinction of being one of the candidates I hated entirely in this debate. I agreed with none of his points, and most of my notes contain profanity. He introduced himself as New and Fresh, playing on his youth (he’s 45. The average age of the democratic candidates is 54. There are 4 people running who are younger than Tim) without offering much substance.

He opposes decriminalizing the border. On healthcare he seems to think we can’t make healthcare better for everyone because then unions won’t have anything going for them which is just… He thinks letting businesses “buy in to medicare” is a good idea, and all I can hear is “privatize the social safety net and let companies decide whose grandma actually deserves to have proper care when she breaks her hip.”

I’m not saying Tim is evil. I’m saying he’s spineless and would let bad things happen because it’s too much work to stop them.

15) Delaney

Representative John Delaney joins Tim Ryan in the dubious category of “I hate you and everything you stand for.” The only reason he ranks slightly higher than Tim is because someone had to. Their scores were the same level of shrieking profanity.

John thinks that reminding everyone that he was the youngest CEO in the history of the New York Stock Exchange is a good thing, showing that he has absolutely no idea what democrats are looking for in a candidate. Surely, we should trust him! He sold his soul early and has abided by the contract for so long!

He is another candidate decrying “unrealistic” campaign promises. He reiterated his concern that Medicare for All would underfund the healthcare industry in America, he considers it an “extreme” policy proposal, and called it an “anti-private sector strategy.” Yes, John, because the private sector’s profit motive has been working so well, let’s all continue dying so that small groups of people can make lots of money off of the price of insulin. Fuck you.

14) Williamson

Marianne Williamson’s contributions were blessedly brief and infrequent. She supports public campaign funding, which is great, but she also spent an entire minute on “I have concerns” without once proposing a solution, referred to the American healthcare system as a “sickness care system,” which for me evokes concerns about chemtrails and chemikillz, and her opening statement evoked American Exceptionalism.

I’m so tired of Marianne Williamson.

13) Biden

Former Vice President, Former Senator Joe Biden was invited to comment on everything. As a result, I have over a page of notes just for him. The moderators’ bold strategy of checking in with Uncle Joe every time anyone said anything gave him opportunities to say a few things I agreed with, but ultimately was not enough to get him out of my lowest ranked category.

As he said in the last debate, Joe supports rejoining the Paris Climate Accord. This time, he said we need to “increase” the standard, apparently recognizing that solutions negotiated several years ago will not be sufficient now, and he wants to see an end to fossil fuel subsidies. These are good things I can agree with.

Joe is concerned by the treatment of immigrants seeking asylum, and the excessive wait times for their cases to be heard and the refugees either released or returned to their country of origin. His solution is to “flood the zone,” spend more resources to make decisions faster. This guarantees nothing except a reduction in detainees which, while generally positive, is less than half a solution.

The thing Joe said that I liked best was about the treatment of former-inmates after the completion of their prison sentences. Joe said that former-inmates should have access to public programs and benefits upon release. This would be a significant change from the current system, which continues to punish people long after their sentence is served. He also said that drug crimes should result in rehab, not prison.

Joe continued to use his association with Obama as a shield against criticism, which was worn thin before the first debate started. He evaded questions about Eric Garner, refused to answer questions about Obama-era deportations (with the added bonus of “what I said was said in confidence, you’d share it, but not me”), invoked American Exceptionalism in his opening statement, interrupted Cory Booker at one point, blamed all of our current political and social dysfunction on Trump, and thinks we should renegotiate the Trans Pacific Partnership.

The cherry on top of this shit sundae? He said the phrase “I have the only plan that (…)” I haven’t talked about this much, because it’s a little hard to express in text, but I have a very, very negative response to any claim to being the only person who can solve a problem. It’s bad when Trump does it, it’s bad when Biden does it, it’s an abuser’s tactic. “I’m the only one who loves you, I’m the only one who can help you, I’m the only one” is always a) a lie, and b) a red flag.

Granted, I was so far behind that some of Biden’s comments formed parallels I might not have seen when he initially said them, but some of the things he said about immigration were symptomatic of the same thought process that gave us that abominable rewrite of Emma Lazarus’s New Colossus. Biden, when trying to make a point about the strength of America being in our diversity, said that “we’ve been able to cherry pick from the best of every culture,” and followed it up with “anybody that crosses the stage with a PhD, you should get a green card for seven years. We should keep them here.” Not everyone who immigrates to the U.S. is going to have an advanced degree. Not everyone who immigrates to the U.S. is going to be “the best and brightest.” And that’s a good thing. There is a limit to the number of doctors and lawyers a society needs. Some immigrants are going to be nurse’s assistants and cab drivers, and we need them here, too.

Even with all of that, the worst of what Joe had to say was about healthcare. Joe thinks that limiting co-pays to $1000 per person is part of making healthcare accessible to everyone. He thinks your health insurance premium should be no more than 8.5% of your annual income. I did some math. For minimum wage, that’s almost $2500 for insurance, out of pocket, before anyone sees any benefit. After taxes, that leaves about $10k for a minimum wage worker to live on for a year. At $15/hour, $20k to live on. These are not reasonable numbers in most of the country.

#second democratic debate #politics #opinions and analysis

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derpywritestuff · 6 years

Text

A Scavenger Hunt.

@oddly-tiny-scissors Hello, I am your secret giftee for the Valentine event! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I had fun writing it. Thank you for giving such a fun prompt and I hope your Valentine’s day goes wonderfully! Yoosung yawned as he got out of bed, going over to his computer. It was his free day from school, and he was ready to use it for another day of LOLOL action. As he logged on, he saw he had a message from the number one ranking user of the Shooting Star Server. There was a time when the name Hacker God filled Yoosung with rage, as he seemed to always be cheating to keep the number one spot out of Superman Yoosung’s hands, but now, he could not keep the smile off his face when he read that same name. Quickly Yoosung started reading the pm he had got from the other user carefully, it seemed Hacker God had a scavenger hunt planned out for Yoosung and he was more than happy to play along.

“It is I, Hacker God! I have used my talents to find out that my 606 has a free day today, and this is something that I cannot pass up! There is a new legendary item that has just been added to this wonderful game, but alas it has broken into several parts! The only one who can save this item being lost forever is the one and only Superman Yoosung! Are you up to the task? If you accept this quest, head to the area that we all first see when we are born into this word -Hacker God Meow-ut!”

Yoosung Thought for a second as he read Seven’s first clue. His first thought being the main hub where characters spawn into the game, but after a second he realized that was not really the first place you see in the game. Opening up the options tab, Yoosung clicked a button he never thought he would click...the replay tutorial button.

As Yoosung relearned all the basic skills he already had nailed down, he saw something he could have sworn had not been there before...An NPC with a quest marker above it’s head. Walking up to this out of place NPC, he saw it looked like Zen. When he finally got close enough, Yoosung saw there was an interact button. Quickly he clicked on it, knowing full well this had to be what he was searching for.

“Hello, Superman Yoosung. I came here because one of my fans told me about a new item that got added to this game. Thankfully I was able to use my talent to charm this piece of it from an orc that had found it first. Before I can give it to you though, I must make sure you are the real Superman Yoosung with a question. What is Hacker God’s favorite dish that you cook?”

Yoosung watched as a text box appeared on screen, obviously waiting for him to type an answer in. Quickly he typed the word “omurice” into the blank space, smiling as he recalled all the times he had made it for Seven when he stayed over at his bunker. Soon the text box closed, and the Zen NPC had another maker above it’s head, telling Yoosung to talk to him again.

“It seems you are the true Superman Yoosung. I leave this part in your hands, take care of it Superman Yoosung. As for where you must go next, Hacker God has left me with your next clue… Your sack is heavy with all of your loot. From armor, staves, sheilds, and swords. Though what do you do with what you can’t use? Come to the place that has the answer for the next part of this legendary item! - Hacker God Seven Meow-ou...ACHOO.” Oh, I’m sorry Yoosung. It seems I can’t get away from this stupid cat allergy even if I’m in a game. Have fun with your quest though, I should get back to reading my lines for my next play.”

With that, the NPC became noninteractive, and Yoosung started to focus on his next clue. This one was harder than the last...you could after all throw any items that you didn’t want away after all. After a few moments though, Yoosung had figured it out. He was ready to head to one of the most populated areas in any server…the market.

As Yoosung got to the market, he saw the other payers trading their goods, buying upgraded gear and skins from NPC’s, and the occasional player begging for gold as he as new to the game… or just trying to scam some people. Soon enough he saw another quest icon in the flood of people, leading to an NPC who looked exactly like Jumin. Just like before, As Yoosung accepted the quest, this Jumin NPC started talking.

“Ah hello Superman Yoosung, it seems you have been able to figure out Hacker God’s second riddle. I have to say, he has led us to a very interesting place. There are so many economic systems going on in one place, from a free-market system all the way to a barter one. I should have Assistant. Kang write a report on how such a place could remain economically stable. First, however, there is something we must discuss. I was able to get this part of a legendary item for a reasonable price from a vendor at this market and I need to make sure to sell it again for a reasonable price. The thing I’m interested in though is information. Answer this one question I have and this piece is yours. With that being said, here is your question...What is the best way to spend a weekend?”

Again another text box appeared, and Yoosung was quick to type “playing LOLOL” into the text box before deleting it. Playing LOLOL was fun, sure, but that wasn’t the reason it was fun to him. Every weekend, he would always make sure to go over to Seven’s place and do some form of activity with him. These activities would consist of, playing LOLOL with each other, snuggling on the couch with junk food and a movie, a late night drive to watch the stars or trying to teach Seven how to cook...while Seven tried to find ways of sneaking HBC and PHD. Pepper into everything. After deleting his last message, Yoosung quickly replaced it with “Spending time with Hacker God” as that was the true answer to this question. After he hit enter, the quest icon above Jumin’s head reappeared and Yoosung interacted with him again.

“That seems like a reasonable answer and a good piece of information for our trade. I will keep my end of the deal just as you kept yours, take care of this second piece... Ah yes, before you head out, it seems I was also programmed to give you another clue before you head out ahem… “You are so close my 606, only one more piece to go! Listen to my last riddle, and you will finally claim your prize! When mobs are boring and bosses are beaten, there is only one enemy left while you wait for the next in game update. Go to the place that symbolizes this notion for the last piece will be waiting for you! -Hacker God Meow-ut!” ...Hmm, cute, it seems like hacker god even added a cat pun in his riddle. I must be going Yoosung as I have a very important meeting with an elf prince to start selling his kingdom’s bows in this very market. Good luck on your quest and I hope the outcome is favorable for you.”

Again, like with the Zen NPC, this Jumin NPC became non-interactive when he got this last riddle. He knew what this riddle was talking about right away as the second ranked user in the shooting star server. The only enemy left after completing everything this game had to offer could only be other players, as many had tried to challenge him in PVP to get higher up on the leaderboard. There was one place where PVP was known to happen more than any other place in LOLOL, and that was the arena. With that in mind, Yoosung headed out from the market to where he was sure the next part of this legendary item was waiting for him.

As Yoosung got to the area, he was suddenly spamed by PVP requests from those who wanted to take down the mighty Superman Yoosung, and even though he was tempted to take them down, he kept declining and looking for the one NPC he was sure would be here. Finally, after a few minutes of wading through players, Yoosung found the Jaehee NPC waiting for him with a request marker. Just as he did the last two times, he walked to her and initiated the quest.

“Ah hello Superman Yoosung, I’m glad you have made it. It was getting tiring watching all these people try and fight... their form is very wrong. That being said, we should wrap this up quickly...Mr. Han has just given me a new project to work on, and there's a lot of paperwork to fill out. I was hoping to maybe sit down and watch one of Zen’s plays after this...but it seems that will have to wait another time. sigh for now I guess I should focus on the task at hand and give you your last piece of this legendary item. I’m sure you know how this process works by now so, Superman Yoosung, here is your final question from Hacker God… Will you meet me at the space station?”

Unlike the past questions, there was no box to fill in this time. In its place was a simple multiple-choice question with “Yes” and “No” buttons clearly labeled. The question was an interesting one since Seven joked about a space station all the time in chatrooms, but if it meant he could spend time with Seven...he knew the answer. Clicking on the “Yes” button, Yoosung saw the quest marker he was expecting to see above Jaehee’s head and read what she had to say next.

“It seems you were able to understand Hacker God’s... interesting way of speaking more than I could, here is the last Piece of the legendary item Superman Yoosung. I hope you like whatever Hacker God has planned for you, however I’m sure you will if you have made it this far. I must be going now, as I said before I have a mountain of paperwork I must go through before Mr.Han asks me to watch over his cat again.”

With that the third piece of the legendary item. For a split second Yoosung wondered why he didn’t get another riddle to solve when another popup told him he had another new item in his inventory. It seemed that when all three legendary pieces were put into his inventory, they combined inside to a new key item...a teleporter. Most teleporters where a one time use item to fast travel to any destination or player on the map, but this one was different. When he clicked on it, there was only one destination this item could teleport him too, “The space station.”...a place that he had never heard of in LOLOL before. Remembering the last question the Jaehee NPC told him, Yoosung clicked the use button and the screen became dark as it was loading in the new area.

“My 606! You made it to the space station!” Yoosung heard as the map loaded in. “Seven? Where are we?” Yoosung asked back after turning on his voice chat, looking around this new area. Like he thought, this was not a normal in game area. The inside was metal and sleek, like this map came right out of a si-fi film. The walls were lined with windows that looked out into the vast space that was set up while little stars sparkled about. Planets and moons of varying color and size danced around each other and Yoosung could not help but stare at the sight for a few seconds. As Yoosung moved deeper into the map, he finally saw the avatar he was hoping to find by the end of this, Hacker God. “Seven! What is this place...I didn’t even know something like this was in the game!” Yoosung said, walking closer to Seven. “Well my Superman Yoosung, that would be because it technically doesn’t belong in the game. You and I are the only ones who know of this places existence.” The cheerful voice of Seven responded.”Wait, so you hacked into LOLOL’s code...to create an entirely new map?” Yoosung’s confused voice asked next.“That I did!” Seven exclaimed before letting his voice get softer. “I always told you we would meet at the space station, didn’t I? Even if we can’t do that in person, at least not yet, I can at least do that here. I know you are going to tell me I didn’t have to put the work into making this, and I know I didn’t, but I wanted to. This is our place, away from my work, your school, the RFA, and anything else we need to get away from for a bit. This is our place...our space station.” Seven finished. “I...I..” Yoosung started, tears filling his eyes as he was about to break down. Nobody had ever put this much thought into something for him...“ I... don’t what to say...what I can to repay you.” Yoosung finished, unable to find the right words to express the happiness he felt. “You don’t need to repay me, Yoosung.” Seven’s soft voice spoke up again. “Just promise to stay with me in the space station.” He finished. “I love you Seven.” “I love you too, my 606.”

#mystic messenger #mysme #saeyoung choi #Yoosung Kim #seven x yoosung #mysmevalentinesdayexchange #valentines event

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wrinkledparchment · 6 years

Text

Beauty // Connor (RK800) x Reader

Summary: Connor, rather than being sent off to Detroit to put deviants to rest, stays with you and is mentored by your genius mind! Yes, you’re a robo-neuropsychologist (please thank Sir Isaac Asimov for this concept) who was so intelligent she got offered their most advanced prototype, so she could test and review it. She got Connor, teaches him how to be human, and shows him the beauty in life that she finally found.

Word Count: 4,225

A/N: Yes, I do Detroit: Become Human fics too! And I also have some Harry Potter x reader fics stored, ready to come out. I’m going to be spacing these out quite a bit because I’m a slow writer and my masterpieces take time and inspiration.

Warnings: Some weird ex machina shit when Connor becomes (spoiler alert), some weird existential crisis shit, but mostly FLUFF

A robo-neuropsychologist who had graduated with a PhD from UC Berkley, you were well-known and incredibly smart. After years of a tortured upbringing, you used your love of neuroscience as a way to cope. By understanding why and how people did things, including you, the world was much clearer. You understood the complexity of and intricacy of the world, thus seeing the beauty as well as the pain.

You’d caught CyberLife’s attention, and they eventually asked you to help test the programming of their androids. You insisted that they give you the best android they had, to which they responded by allowing you to have a male RK800.

He had not yet been awakened, though checked over and over for mistakes in programming, to ensure he was perfect for you, which would push you to give them a popular review. This would bolster their sales – not that they needed it – and thus, they would make more money. CyberLife, though they did much good, was still a company in a Capitalist country.

You stood in the observation area, hands knitted together as you watched the engineers do their ‘standard’ introductory process, though it was obvious they made it higher quality – or so they thought – just for you. You already hated it, and you knew you would have to suggest changes. Afterwards, they told ‘it’ about you.

“Ms Y/N Y/L/N will be your caretaker. Essentially, you’re going to be a pioneer android, and after her training, the best of your kind.”

“From what I understand, I already am the best of my kind,” the android said. You successfully held back a snort, though it was a struggle. You already knew ‘it’ was going to be very fun to work with.

The worker seemed conflicted though she eventually settled on a reply. “You are, but after Ms Y/L/N’s training, you’re going to be the best version of yourself you can be,” the woman smiled, and she walked out, motioning for you to take her place.

You slowly crept open the door and saw ‘it’ waiting for you.

“Ms Y/L/N, nice to meet you.” ‘it’ greeted, “What is my name?”

“Pleasure, please call me Y/N. What is your name?”

“I’m sorry, can you clarify?” ‘it’ cautioned.

“Well, we always get our names chosen. We never choose it ourselves, and when we try, it never seems to stick. I didn’t get to choose my name. So, what would you like me to call you?”

“Um,” ‘it’ took a moment, scrolling presumably through baby websites and you smiled at the thought.

“Connor.”

“Wonderful choice,” you smiled. Choices, you thought, remember that.

“So, Y/N, what are you going to teach me?” Connor questioned.

“Well, I’ll teach you what I need to teach you and you’ll teach me what I need to learn. We teach each other, and we learn from each other. It’s not one-sided, otherwise, neither of us will truly benefit,” you spoke.

“I’m an android. I’m built for getting orders and following through with them.”

“So reconstruct yourself. I’m here to help.”

Connor nodded, and finally got the quiet chance where he wasn’t being mentally challenged to look at you. Your shimmering hair, your shimmering eyes, your smooth complexion. You wore oddly casual clothes that contrasted the formal, professional setting you were in and the aura you seemed to give off.

“You ready?” you asked. Connor gave a confused look before sitting up straight and slowly getting himself up.

“Am I ready to go where?” Connor asked.

“Our home, obviously. Unless, you’d like to go somewhere else?”

“Where would ‘somewhere else’ be?” Connor asked, tilting his head. Your heart skipped a beat and you nearly stopped your entire thought process just to elaborate on that, however, you kept your composure.

But in the back of your mind you knew that CyberLife made Connor too handsome, too human for his own good, and for yours.

“I don’t know, it’s your first day on Earth. Maybe you’d like to experience it?” You chuckled, and the sound made Connor smile a bit. It was a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless.

“So, would a walk suffice?” he questioned.

“Sure thing,” you agreed, and you turned to the door to leave but before you did, you turned back to the one-sided mirror.

“Check for my paper that’ll be out in about 2 weeks, it’ll tell you everything wrong about the introduction process.” The people in the observement room were both shocked and awestruck. Perhaps being the most famous scientist of the new age alongside the likes of Elijah Kamski had benefits after all.

You waved for Connor to join you outside the room, but he stood there, furrowing his brows.

“Did you just insult my creators?” he inquired.

“Those are not your creators, Connor. Higher-ups at CyberLife created your physical functions based on previous androids though you were a significant improvement, and your programming was done by Elijah Kamski himself based on a paper I wrote. However, they asked me to check their work and that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

Really, you had a totally different plan in your head. Yes, CyberLife did indeed make many mistakes on the programming of the new android named Connor, and all who came before him. However, what you wanted was to break him out of his programming. You were smart enough to know what they made Connor for; to hunt deviants. And you were a deviant ally.

But rather than putting him through suffering and torture, eventually forcing him to break out of his programs and become deviant, you wanted to give him the good side of being free. So you spent the time that CyberLife took to make Connor cooking up ideas on how to break everything they spent time improving.

You had walked him out of the room and into the hallway when you noticed he was falling just a bit behind you.

“You know you don’t need to walk behind me, right, Connor?” you asked.

“You are my owner. Why would I walk next to you?”

Your steps halted and you turned to look at him genuinely. “I am not your master, nor should you treat me as such. You feel, don’t you? You experience things, thoughts, sensations. You are a living being, and one with a far superior mind and body compared to humans. You are much faster, stronger in every way. You just need to learn to see that.”

You began walking again, though this time he didn’t fall behind, nor did he walk in front of you, he stayed by your side. You continued your stride, though you turned your head to face him for a minute, smiling at him. He had already taken a liking to you.

“How old are you?” he questioned.

“20,” you responded.

“Your file says you graduated from Berkeley with a Ph. Doesn’t it take approximately take about 15 years to get through college?”

“I tested out of a lot of the fields, and finished the paper for my Doctorate early, the same one Kamski used to write your programming”

Silence fell once again before you spoke again, “Have you ever listened to music before? When you’d been activated earlier?”

“No, why?” he tilted his head. Damn, it was kind of adorable whenever he did that.

“Well, I think you’d find solace in listening to music. You’ll find that being a machine isn’t exactly the best. Especially not right now.”

“How so?” he inquired.

You used your wristwatch to bring up a hologram, similar a large touchscreen laptop. He read quickly, assessing the frontpage headlines of various newspapers. ‘Androids don’t deserve to be free: opinion’, ‘Riots Break out in Detroit as Androids Protest’, ‘Detroit Mayor: Androids should stop complaining’.

You noticed his change in expression, you were trained as such. You’d spent much of your time analyzing mannerisms. You knew what was happening in his head. Sadness. His LED flickered yellow and ran a few cycles before settling back to blue.

“Based on what you said earlier, you don’t agree with them, however, I’d like to you to tell me directly where you stand.”

You dodged his question with an explanation to one he didn’t ask.

“You know, these ‘deviants’, as they call them, are tortured. Most of them turned on humans after a lot of mistreatment on the humans’ side. We keep constantly thinking that we are superior to other living beings when we’re not. It’s always been that way, it seems. Males to Females, Whites to African Americans, Heterosexuals to the LGBTQ+ community, and countless other examples.

“We just happened to create you, but it doesn’t mean that you are any lesser than us.”

Though you didn’t tell him, it was obvious he knew which side you were on. He nodded, motioning you to continue.

“Connor, you have no idea the things I’ve seen happen to them. Cuts, beatings, torture. I’ve seen androids that got whipped with chains even when they followed their employers’ orders.”

Connor sharply inhaled though he didn’t have lungs, and one thing ran through his head. Luckily, he was brave enough to voice it. “What would’ve happened to me if you hadn’t taken me in?”

“They were originally working on your model to send to Detroit to capture and kill deviants, in an effort to stop them. But I specifically requested the best model they had. And they gave me you.”

“Now,” you changed the subject, waving away the hologram with your free hand, “Listen.”

The wind of the Detroit park you’d nearly forgotten you were in whistled around the two of you, making the leaves on the trees rustle.

“I hear noises,” Connor stated, hiding a smirk. You facepalmed and tried to contain your giggles, looking up at him while biting your tongue.

“Oh, you were joking!” you exclaimed and allowed some giggles to escape. Your laughter made him feel more at peace than the trees ever could.

“I thought you were being genuine,” you added, exhaling with a small grin. “It’s nature. Peacefulness, tranquillity, right? I feel relaxed and at peace when listening to the sounds of nature and watching what made them. What do you feel?”

Connor shrugged, “I don’t know. I feel as though I’m looking at trees and hearing noises.”

You frowned slightly and it made Connor feel slightly guilty, though he managed to hide it very well under his robotic, smooth voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“No, no. You’re being honest. That's good. Try not to worry about how your statements affect me. Actually- wait, no. Do worry about it. But still be truthful.’

He narrowed his eyes at nothing in particular, wondering why you backtracked.

A week had gone by and Connor’s LED was getting on your nerves You didn’t want to know what he felt, not being able to get the full side of it. So while you two were sitting outside in the garden, you turned to him.

“I’m sorry I’m not making any progress,” Connor muttered suddenly.

“It’s not your fault,” you audibly sighed as you closed your eyes, trying your best to ignore the pale yellow of his LED.

“Something is bothering you,” he stated simply and you just nodded. He stared at your side profile, making his way all the way across your face, and then landing on your lips.

“I have a question,” he said, mentally cursing himself for looking at your lips for so long. He shouldn’t be feeling this for you.

“Okay, please ask it,” you smiled gently.

“Well, I was wondering if I’ll ever feel human emotions,” Connor blurted, and he immediately regretted it. Your demeanour changed to more sombre, more serious when you were so relaxed beforehand.

“I hope so, I just- Connor. Look, out of all the research I’ve done on the cases in Detroit and elsewhere, you have to struggle and go through the worst moments of your life in order to break your programming. I don’t know if it can be done the way I wanted it to be done.”

“What does that mean?” he asked, maintaining his adorable habit of tilting his head. Adoration flooded through you again, similar to every time he did that.

“I wish being a human was all sunshine and rainbows, Connor, but it’s not. In order to really know who you are, you have to go through the worst moments of your life. It seems it’s the same for androids. They must hurt first in order to love.”

“Well, how do I know the outcome is worth it, then? Is love really all it’s made out to be?”

“Even asking me what love was would be easier. You’ll have to decide for yourself if it’s worth it, but all I know is that… knowing that person exists makes your whole world brighter, makes colours more vibrant, makes the sweet notes of a violin just a little sweeter. You don’t know what you’d do without them.”

That sounded… similar. It sounded what Connor’s life was. Where would he be without you? Would the world be as beautiful, as amazing and tremendous as it seemed without you? No, Connor thought, I suppose it wouldn’t.

“Do you think I could ever love someone?” he questioned, wondering if maybe you could tell him what he felt but he didn’t want to ask.

“I really hope so, Connor. I really do,” you said, tugging at your bottom lip with your teeth. “Maybe one day we can both find someone to love,” and you watched as Connor’s LED turned pink.

You didn’t remember CyberLife adding a pink colour to the LED. What was happening?

“May I touch you?” you asked, waiting for consent. You’d already touched his shoulder, his forearm, things like that. He nodded, and his circle turned an ever hotter shade of pink. You traced your thumb over the light, and you finalized your decision.

You dug under the LED with your fingernails and let out a breath when you finally had it in between your fingertips. You placed it on the end table next to you, making a mental note to examine it later.

“I want you to let me know what you’re thinking, not this piece of garbage,” you said.

The skin replaced itself and Connor looked remarkably human. You allowed your thumb to fall back to where it had been before, and you traced over where the LED used to be. “They did a really good job on your model’s skin.”

Connor chuckled, “I’m not sure how to respond to that.”

“Well, you feel exactly like a human. Now, you look like one too.” You smiled again, and Connor swore his thirium pump skipped a few beats.

SOFTWARE INSTABILITY

Error warnings popped up, telling him that his system was overheating but he didn’t particularly care to stop it. He was right next to you, he wasn’t going to give that up.

“But I still haven’t broken through my programming yet. I still haven’t done what you brought me here for,” he reminded you, feeling as though he was disappointing you.

You moved your hand down to cup his cheek. “And yet I’ve still made significant progress, and it’s all thanks to you. Don’t blame yourself. I’m sure you would’ve broken your programming now if I hadn’t stolen you from CyberLife.”

“But I wouldn’t have met you,” Connor argued, and your heart pumped just a bit faster, your smile felt just a bit more genuine.

“Jesus, Connor,” you shook your head and grinned.

“Did I do something wrong, Y/N?” he asked, with concern lacing his voice.

“No, you are just so amazing. I don’t want you to ever think anything negative about yourself,” you voiced, looking deeply into his hazel eyes. “Because I know I don’t have anything to complain about.”

It felt like his thirium pump was going a mile a minute. He felt an overwhelming urge to shower you with love and affection.

“Do you ever want to do what you were made to do?” you inquired, bringing him out of his thoughts as you dropped your hand from his cheek.

“What do you mean, Y/N?” he wondered, his brows furrowing.

“Well, you were built to catch deviants and do work against criminals for CyberLife. Do you ever feel… like being with me has no purpose? And working for CyberLife does?”

Being with you has no purpose? Connor wanted now more than ever o show you just how much you were worth. Though, he remembered how much you loved philosophy. It was hard for Connor to conversate about, mostly because it was so freeform and he was used to rigid facts. But it made him think.

“Well, when you think about it, nobody really has a clear purpose. They might have a goal, but not a sole, agreed upon purpose. Nothing really does,” Connor stated.

This brought a humongous smile to your face. “Philosophy, Connor? Androids… they shouldn’t…” but instead of finishing the sentence, you just shook your head, “Do you have emotions?”

“I don’t know. I think I might,” Connor declared, and the smile spread all the way across your face, making your happiness evident no matter where you looked.

You sprung forward and hugged him. It took a few seconds before Connor finally returned the gesture, seeing as nobody had ever hugged him before. The feeling of your chest rising and falling against his and the brushing movements our fingertips made on his back made his stomach seemingly did flips.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him, and you pulled away. Suddenly, there was a man in a hood aiming a gun directly at the two of you.

“Y/L/N,” he snickered, “I can’t believe you support deviants.”

Your breath shuddered and you stood up. Connor did as well, moving to step in front of you protectively, but you stopped him.

“I can’t believe after all the work we did together, you betrayed the humans.”

It was a long story. You had previously worked with him when he took a sharp anti-android turn and completely went off his rocker. After trying to convince him and calm down, he cut you severely on your upper arm. Luckily, you’d healed, but you cut off all future research with him.

“Y/N, please let me protect you,” Connor begged.

“Do not, Connor. You have no idea what this man is capable of,” you stated, moving in front of Connor. Connor wondered why that statement didn’t work in his favour. You were a human, easily and permanently damaged. He could be replaced and he was – like you said – superior to humans.

“Y/L/N, come here and I will not hurt the piece of garbage.” Connor watched as your blood pressure skyrocketed and your fists balled up until your knuckles turned white.

“He’s not a piece of garbage,” you defended, a raging debate in your mind rendering your all your saved comebacks unusable.

“He can never love you, Y/N. You should know that better than anyone,” the man stated.

The sorrow seeped into your eyes, and it seemed that this was actually able to hurt you. Perhaps because all your thoughts for the past month were confirmed, were vocalized in such a hostile way that you were further convinced it was true.

“Of course, Ethan, I’m unlovable,” you swallowed, and Connor’s heart split in two.

Connor looked like a deer in headlights. You normally seemed so self-confident, so happy. And yet one of the worst thoughts a human could have was spoken out of your mouth.

“Oh, poor piece of plastic, did she not tell you?”

Connor felt a bit of a stab in the heart. What did Connor not know that this man did?

“When did you plan on telling him about your mental health issues, Y/N?” the man asked.

You looked at the ground. Those words were spat out with such toxicity, such venom that it was impossible for you to not feel hurt. “I’m so sorry, Connor.”

“It’s alright. Now please, just let me take care of him,” Connor whispered. You shook your head and all of a sudden, your lab partner had a gun pointed at your head and you in a chokehold.

“Just leave me be, Connor. I don’t want you getting hurt,” you mumbled. A singular tear made its way down your cheek. Connor couldn’t bear watching you in pain anymore. Error messages clogged his vision with instructions, urging him to obey the orders you’d given him.

“But what would happen to you?” he whispered, tears ready to spill. “Why does my life matter more than yours?”

“If you hurt a human, you’d get arrested and torn apart,” you replied, “You’d be made an example of, against the revolution. They’d use this against your kind.”

“But if I don’t, you’d get hurt,” he argued.

You opened your eyes, and for a moment, all he could see was your face. You were smiling something weak, something sad and fake. Perhaps you could use this situation to your advantage.

“A few bruises, that’s all,” you stated.

A few bruises? No, Connor would not settle for a few bruises on you. Even one was too many. He tried to step towards you, but the red blinking lights fogged his eyes.

L&st3n to Y/N

D0 n0t a1pr0ach

R3a5on with 3th4n

SAVE Y/Nd

He got upset looking at you, watching as that one tear you had shed reached your jawline and travelled down your neck. He gave the code a hard punch, putting every ounce of strength he had. He body slammed it, pushing and shoving with all his might before the red walls between you and him broke down.

Connor didn’t waste any time, running towards the man and giving him a good punch, causing the man to reel backwards and fall to the ground. The man you’d called Ethan made eye contact with Connor and began to push himself backwards.

Connor’s face was twisted with rage, and it was terrifying. Never had something normally so beautiful looked so murderous. The man got his bearings and ran, ran as far as he could from the both of you.

Connor turned to look back at you.

Your face… there was something about it. Aside from the tear rolling down, nothing had changed, but Connor noticed, truly noticed every hollow of your face, every part that would glisten in the sun. Your eyes gleamed and shone. Everything besides you was out of focus, you were the only thing that mattered.

Your smile blinded Connor as you stepped towards him with increased pace, wishing desperately to have him in your arms. You embraced him tightly, not allowing Connor enough space to breath let alone think, before you pulled away.

“You’re a deviant now,” you muttered, and Connor smiled.

It was all for you. I did it all for you.

You cupped his face with your hands again, and his face flushed a soft, baby blue. He softly placed his hands on top of yours, lingering for a moment or two, before pulling them down and using his grip to bring you closer, allowing him to kiss your forehead.

His lips brushed against your skin as he spoke, “I’m just happy you’re safe.”

You both stood there for a moment before he spoke again, daring himself to make eye contact with you.

“Your ex-partner, he said that I could never love you… he couldn’t be farther from the truth.”

Your face turned into a smile before reciprocating his words, and pulling his face towards yours. His eyes fluttered closed in tandem with yours. Your lips moved together in a slow dance.

You felt like you had just been drugged, you felt as though Connor’s lips were addicting. Connor for sure could taste your lips, and they tasted like cherries or some other kind of chapstick. As you moved in tandem with each other, you both released everything you felt into the kiss, and when you pulled away, nothing else seemed to matter.

“I think I see the pleasure humans get out of kissing,” Connor stated, smiling. Your hands still lay on his chest, and his still on your cheeks.

A cherry blossom fell and landed right on top of your head, and Connor used his hand to gently grab it. He felt the soft texture of the pink flower between his index finger and his thumb and stared at every little detail. Whereas before he would’ve only seen facts, he saw beauty in a small flower that was just the size of his thumb.

He looked up at you and saw that you were smiling at the flower. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” you asked, eyes finally flickering up to meet his. “It’s gorgeous. I never thought I could be so enchanted by something so small. Being a deviant is more wonderful than I could’ve imagined.

“I wonder, was being depressed similar to being a non-deviant android?” he asked. “I’m not sure. It is similar in the way that I didn’t see the beauty in everything, and once I learned to control it, the saturation in life seemed just a bit higher,” you responded.

“I’m glad I can see the full potential of everything now. I never realized how many freckles you had, the gleaming whiteness of your teeth when you smile or how your eyes are such a brilliant shade of e/c.

“Even things I thought couldn’t get more beautiful, did.”

#connor rk800 #connor rk800 x reader #detroit: bh #detroit connor #detroit become human #dbh connor #dbh #connor #reader insert #x reader #sci-fi #video games #fanfic #writer

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ontherun-writing · 6 years

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[imitation - 1/2] Elijah Kamski/Reader

A/N: a little wordy, not much young!kamski romance but more like sexual tension and you getting manipulated; ah yes fun-- it’s more about the time he developed an android who could pass the turing test. this conference is prob wrong but ehhhh

this is just me ranting about the turing test and androids tbh

Summary: With the rise of androids, you find yourself in midst of making history as you are chosen by Elijah Kamski to work with him and develop an android who can pass the turing test. Despite being younger than you, he’s proven to be a force of power that has you struggling to find out ways (and reasons) to avoid being wrapped around his pinky.

It was near the end of your first year of college when you turned on the news, expecting another scandal about politicians or a news story about the recent climate change but instead learning that androids now existed. You continued to listen. You glanced down at your statistics homework for only a brief moment before scooting it to the side; you haven’t really touched it for the past hour, and you doubted you would especially now.

You weren’t the only one enthralled by the newscast; everyone in the room looked up from what they were doing to learn that the creator of the most advanced technology ever known to man, the man that will propel the world into another technological revolution was a sixteen year old. No, in fact, you quickly searched up on your phone, the kid wasn’t going to be sixteen until July.

There he was now, on the screen. A scruffy-looking fifteen-year old (three years younger than you, if you did the math right) with a hoodie and jeans was currently on his way to the grand opening of his self-made company Cyberlife. You imagine if he actually dressed up, if he wanted to because he was powerful enough to wear whatever he wanted without repercussions, he would actually look like the successful entrepreneur/scientist he was. His face was more mature that you thought. Confident, mature: the face of a man who knew what he created and what that would get him.

You never imagined actually living through history, but as you sat there, wondering how the existence of intelligent robots who looked exactly like humans would shape your future, it seemed evident that history was being made.

Out of all the things the introduction of androids changed in your life, you did not think that one of them would be you changing your major to psychology. It was a hard-earned change, something you had to convince your parents about, something you had to convince yourself about since you were so intent on becoming something else. But you had a feeling that the emergence of something as great as androids was a sign. You were by no means superstitious, but the existence of androids opened so many doors and offered you opportunities no one else but you, a college student, a person at the place where science flourished and education changed constantly, would have. Adding on to that, the question of their intelligence and the possibility of androids being more than just machines infected you with a passion that surpassed anything you ever dreamed of.

It was your fervent dedication to android psyche and learning about the way they ticked that got you into the Cyberlife research position your last year of college. Or so, that was what Elijah Kamski said when you finally met him face-to-face at the introduction of your research. You were twenty-one, he was barely eighteen. But he was the one that was leading you, and other much more qualified and big wig scientists and researchers on a tour of Cyberlife. The ride up the elevator itself took more than three minutes, and that alone told you enough about how important and powerful Cyberlife came to be in just two years.

“Cyberlife is holding about five-thousand androids per unit,” Elijah explained, walking them through the white themed halls that housed newly-made and often currently making androids. “We expect to be able to expand them to more than ten-thousand by the end of 2025, if all goes well.”

The people around you chuckled, even though there wasn’t really anything funny about the success he so obviously exuded, making your eyes dart to the side. The older man to your right, with the dignified lab coat and ID tag that you saw to present his several PhDs, was much more intelligent, and he seemed to agree the way he avoided meeting your gaze and focused solely on talking to anyone else but you. When you had introduced yourself to him out of common courtesy, the best you had gotten was a polite greeting, but the abruptness of the conversation left you stung.

The group eventually had the tour of Cyberlife, and now all of you were being crowded into a large conference room. Great, you thought dryly, feeling the implicit exclusion from the rest of the research team as they split off into groups of specialties. A few electrical engineers, a few PhD holders of technology and robotics, a huge group of biomedical engineers, and then… you, the psychologist major. There were most likely other psych PhD’s in the room, but you had no time to search for them when Elijah began the meeting.

You thought you were clear of dumb arguments when you got up this high on the ladder rung but evidently, that was not the case. Or maybe you were being too rough-- sure, you disagreed with them, but it didn’t really warrant your frustration, did it?

“The androids are intelligent,” one of the engineers argued, tapping the document in front of him. “I don’t see the need for us to develop superfluous components when we could just make improve on their strengths: their ability to do human-work.”

“I agree, the idea of developing their minds, it doesn’t seem reasonable-- what if they become too intelligent?”

The comment threw the conference into a loud murmur, and you felt words threatening to boil over. Did no one in this room care that they were on the verge of creating an intelligent life form? Was all they cared about was control and superiority? There was always a risk with every action, but if you believed, as rare as it was, that machines could… be alive, for a lack of better words, then they could feel intentions and not blame humans. With androids came android laws, and they would need to be protected, but right now the development of androids was more important.

You wanted to say something, speak your opinion, but there didn’t seem to be a time where your opinion could make a stand. You watched as Elijah, who had been quiet thus far, stand up. He switched to another image, the one of his latest android-- a pretty, blond, blue-eyed android-- and turned back toward the conference. “What of the turing test, then?” He said, scanning his eyes across the room. You tensed in your seat as his gaze lingered on you.

“I had thought our research was meant to bring useful data to the table. The test is subjective, is it not?” The older man with the PhD you had noticed before had the gall to have an exasperated tone, and something in you just snapped.

“Yes, the turing test is subjective.” You said firmly, leaving no room for interruptions, “But in this case, where we’re attempting to give androids the ability to be more than just a machine, the turing test is the best assessment in order to improve their abilities and their presence in our society.” You turned to the scientist, maintaining your neutral tone as you spoke calmly, “If the question of the day is ‘what can we do to expand android technology and better the uses of androids,’ then improving their sense of humanity will allow them to blend in and truly assimilate into society.”

“...is what I think,” you ended weakly, noticing the silence that followed.

You felt your heart leap up to your throat when you heard name being called.

“Please,” Elijah said, nodding toward your direction. You discretely wiped the sweat collecting on your palms on your pants. “Your input is intriguing.” Elijah watched you, unfaltering, and you felt big yet small at the same time as you became the center of attention. “What else do you think?”

Avoiding the gazes of anyone else in the room, you took an inaudible breath in before saying, “I do believe we can and should program an android to pass the turing test.” You looked deliberately at Elijah and continued as if all eyes weren’t on you. “If these androids are going to be welcomed into our homes and society and truly integrate, they will need to be able to indistinguishable from a human. Surely, we have to admit that other robots online such as ‘cleverbot’ is anything except unnerving despite the fact that it can appear as human 59% of the time, according to studies. It is only reasonable that our androids should at the very least, pass the turing test, and be way above the 75% mark if we are to ever have androids be a greater part of our lives yet also achieve something that has not been done yet.”

And there it was, the adrenaline in your veins, the rapid heartbeat in your best; when you started, there was little chance of stopping.

“In addition,” you blazed through, words leaving your lips eloquently, “an android who can pass the turing test will most likely further its usage in society by following orders that are not specifically programmed in its database because it can learn human mannerisms and adapt to situations. Androids need to be fluid, lest we want them to stick to menial jobs. Don’t we want them to understand us? Don’t we want them to be intelligent?”

“Don’t we want them alive? I--”

You faltered, stumbling over your wording. Alive? Alive? No, these people didn’t want living beings, they wanted-- “That is to say,” you finished, “machines that can help us in any situation that calls for them?”

“That, ladies and gentlemen,” Elijah said, letting out a quiet breath of laughter before continuing, “is and was one of my suggestions for today’s research topic.”

“However, if the group is not in consensus then we have no choice but to choose a different component to discuss.” Thoroughly embarrassed at being shut down after your outburst, you gripped the arms of the chair and looked at the desk, boring a hole in it. You knew you should have just kept your mouth shut-- “As for you…”

You spun your neck around and Elijah was behind you; your heart rate spiked again as he leaned down and smiled.

You didn’t know his eyes were teal.

“You and I… I feel like we’ll work well together. You’ll be my research partner for the turing test,” Elijah told you, then quickly leaned away and continued the conference and presentation as if he didn’t just extend an exclusive position to work with him to you. To you.

You hardly paid attention to the eyes that flickered toward your direction with how loud your blood was rushing in your ears.

The sun had set an hour ago, and the rest of the conference group had left long ago. As you stood in front of the android creator’s office door, you hesitated to knock. One, the room was dark and he probably wasn’t even in there. But... the situation from earlier kept replaying in your head, and for some reason, you struggled to provide an ample reason to why Elijah chose you, out of all people, that would convince you to go home, shut up, and just be happy. You wanted to deserve your position, and as much as you wanted it to be, you wanted him to hire you because of your mind, and not because… anything else. Convenience? Were you easy picking?

...Sex?

He was the strongest man in the country as of right now-- you rolled your eyes at your thoughts-- if he wanted to have sex, he wouldn’t choose you and he wouldn’t need to go to this elaborate ruse anyways. Deprecating, but hey, you were realistic. You were attractive, sure, but not drop-dead gorgeous.

“Are you going to come in any time soon?”

You retracted your hand from the door the moment you heard Elijah’s voice who was way too close and completely unexpected. You glanced at him and then at the door. “I thought you were--” You flushed red in embarrassment, as you were wan to do the entire day. “Well, I didn’t think it was right of me to enter your office without you in there.”

At your words, Elijah waved his hands to present himself, to which you quirked a smile at. “Here I am,” he said, amusement laced in his words as he opened the door to his office.

A large aquarium sat behind his desk, and the lights from the tank was the only way you could see where you were stepping. Shelves stood against each side of the wall, holding books and trinkets alike that you could not identify. Above, you could see lights installed, but as you watched Elijah lean on his desk, making no movement to turn the lights on, you guessed that your conversation with him would have to stay in the dark.

“Tell me,” Elijah began, “what brings you to my office?”

“I have one question,” you said. “I hope you have enough time.” Elijah motioned his hand for you to continue. “I wanted to ask you why exactly you hired me for this job,” you said uneasily, “why you chose me to be part of the research team, and-- and why you made me your research partner. I think we both know you could have anyone to work for you,” you said dryly, making Elijah chuckle at your bluntness. You crossed your arms and leaned against his desk, eyeing him warily. “You’re a successful man. I could even call you the man of the century. There’s no way you couldn’t just get what you want; you wouldn’t need to do anything besides existing.”

“I suppose there’s a difference between working for me versus working with me,” he replied enigmatically, walking around the room. “If I told you your mind intrigued me,” he said, tracing his finger on the books he kept out of antiquity, “would you believe me then?”

“You could have a multitude of doctors and professors with minds that could do something I would struggle with for hours,” you answered tiredly. You were winded by the intimidation they exuded from just being around them. Try as you might, they had no desire to talk to you, a person whose education amounted to nothing compared to them. There were nice ones, sure, ones that were willing to educate you, but it was still known that you were out of your league. “I-- I don’t mean to undermine your decision,” you said, dropping your eyes demurely, “but even I… have a hard time understanding your decision. What makes me… any different?”

At this, Elijah turned his head toward you and paused. You swallowed, not sure why the look he gave you, a mixture of amusement and something else, made your heart pick up the pace. He breathed deeply through his nose before continuing as cryptically as always. “In this world, do you think androids are well-accepted?” He asked you.

“Do I think they’re liked?” You furrowed your brows and spoke, “Sure. To an extent. You definitely did your job when you manufactured them to be useful and cost-efficient for the most part, so they helped out in families that could afford it. But the increase in unemployment is still hard for people to swallow.” You wet your lips before continuing quietly, “The number jumped to 20% just yesterday.”

Elijah looked at you in a way that set you on edge. He was compliant with your answer, but it wasn’t satisfactory, apparently, not to his standards. “Yes,” he said, “androids are useful, and we made them in our image.” He walked past you, around his desk before settling in his armchair. “But how do you think we treat them?”

“I-- well, we-- we don’t really know how to treat them,” you stammered, confusion swirling as you tried to decipher what he wanted you to say. “A lot of people are confused because they look like us so much, but at the same time--” you froze, and Elijah nodded slightly for your to finish your thought. You spoke slowly, “At the same time… they don’t treat androids well-- they treat them like…”

“Machines.”

Elijah looked pleased, and you barely stopped a strangled noise from rising up from your throat. You had to look away, knowing your face would only show how embarrassingly thrilled you were to have his approval. You were not, in any way, desperate enough to seek compliments, but… after feeling like your opinion didn’t matter and that you were never good enough in face of greater people, having the so-called ‘man of the century’ send such a look your way made you flustered. It was hard enough not to preen like a peacock.

“In your application to be part of our research,” Elijah said, pulling up your papers with a swipe of his hand on the holographic screen, “you wrote a small thesis regarding androids.” His face lit up by the soft light of the hologram, he looked up at you through the document. “You were only one who wrote about the possibility of their humanity.”

You mouth went dry. “What-- how was--” You cleared your throat and started again, impatient with yourself, “How was I the only one who wrote that? Isn’t the existence of androids-- is that not the beginning of the possibility that there may be the creation of another intelligent being?”

“I think you overestimate science,” he said, your name rolling across his tongue like he was eating candy. “These people may be interested in finding a breakthrough, but they’re more invested in their success as a scientist. Their status as an intellectual that has been elevated by being involved with me, and they wouldn’t dare say something that remotely disagreed with my ideas.” He rolled his eyes at the mention of brown-nosing, and for a moment you were reminded that he was only eighteen. Eighteen and powerful as hell, you thought, wondering how you got yourself into this.

“They’re afraid.”

Elijah took a sharp intake and stood up suddenly, making you flinch as you curled your hand around your wrist and pleaded for your heartbeat to stop quickening. “You, on the other hand, you’re actually interested in androids. Androids and their potential for humanity.” He continued, “I’ve said it repeatedly that androids are only machines, so there would be no reason for you to think that I would ever agree with you, but you wrote about it anyway. Defended your thesis and here you are,” he stepped closer to you, “with me, on the verge of another breakthrough.”

You breathed in deeply when he stood in front of you, shadows shrouding his face with the blue glow in the background. He looked much older like this, and if it were possible, even more intimidatingly out of your league. In more ways than one. “I… I look forward to working with you,” you stammered, not really knowing what you were saying except that it was what you should say in these situations.

At this, Elijah smiled and backed off, turning on the lamp at his desk, finally bringing some light in the room. “Your expertise in psychology, or more specifically, the human psyche will be greatly beneficially to our research as we try to have androids imitate human behavior,” he continued without pause, making you feel like you imagined the predatory gaze and suffocating gaze.

“Yes,” you could only reply. “I hope I can contribute as much as I can.” You glanced at your phone and began to excuse yourself, heading toward the door with quick steps.

“I wonder what you’ll think of this later, the making of androids,” Elijah said airily as you reached the door. “I wonder if you know how your words will shape the world.”

You opened your mouth to question him further. What did he mean? Surely, he didn’t believe that you, a fourth-year college student, could possibly have an impact on anything. “I-- The turing test would have still been your main objective with or without me here,” you said, though a prickly feeling crawled up your back anyways. You resisted the need to shiver.

Instead of responding, he merely smiled with a meaning you couldn’t decipher. Perturbed, you told him to have a good night. As you closed the door behind you, you heard him say lastly, “Looking forward to working with you.”

You had a feeling that you were biting more than you could chew, but you couldn’t understand why.

#elijah kamski #dbh #detroit become human #turing test #he's so interesting to me like #what is this man thinking the funky little chaotic neutral entrepreneur #part one #also i lowkey want him to step on me but i feel that for a lot of characters #kamski/reader #elijah kamski/reader #part 1

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dnkaus · 6 years

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Fateful Visions | Chapter 13: Infatuation

Namjoon x Reader (OC)

Summary: Idol Namjoon meets a grad student, Maya, but he experiences strange visions each time their eyes meet and they touch one another. Fate plays a magnetic role, & keeps bringing them together. Are these visions a sign that they should stay away or stay together?

Genre: Angst, Fluff (eventually)

Previous Part: Chapter Twelve Next Part: Chapter Fourteen

After the conversation with Namjoon, Maya truly grasped the reality of her own situation. She realized she was going on a date the next day. She also realized this was no ordinary date. This was a date with Kim Namjoon. Was this really happening? Had she really been just asked out on a date by Kim Namjoon? As Maya came in terms with her reality her blood pressure started going up. She began to question everything. She began to realize she didn’t even know where he was taking her on the date. She had no idea how she should dress or what they would be doing on their date. Maya started to panic. Why didn’t she ask him where they were going? How could she be so stupid?!

Meanwhile, Namjoon was also almost as much stressed as Maya. He had managed to ask her on the date, but he had no idea where he was taking her either. Namjoon did what every other millennial does when they are unsure about things: he searched the web for the best places he could take Maya on a date. He also had to pick a place that was secluded so that they could be alone without anyone knowing. No fans or paparazzi. Namjoon decided they could go on a hike on a small trail near Inwangsan mountain. That trail was usually pretty empty and would be an easier stroll for the two of them. He hoped that Maya was okay with their date being somewhat less fancy. It was just hard for him as an idol to go to public places. Nonetheless, Namjoon decided to ask Maya what she thought about his idea. Namjoon texted Maya around 2am, thinking that she was probably asleep by that time and that he would probably just end up receiving an answer the next day. However, Maya could not sleep at all after their phone conversation, and so she was wide awake when she received the message from Namjoon.

Once again, Maya had somehow managed to subtly read Namjoon’s mind. Maya knew what Namjoon meant when he said go to sleep. In fact, her response was supposed to be for Namjoon’s original message that he didn’t end up sending.

Maya’s heart was full after that text conversation. Namjoon would never know just how grateful Maya felt when he asked her about how she felt about hiking. This was new to Maya. With Caleb, things rarely went the way Maya wanted. The fact that Namjoon was so considerate of Maya’s likes and dislikes just made Maya less nervous about her choice.

On the other hand, Maya would never know just how grateful Namjoon was to know that she was okay with them just going hiking. Namjoon was worried, because Ji Hyu was not really into nature and she hated outdoor activities. It was good to know that with Maya at least Namjoon would be able to be more of himself.

Soon the time arrived when Namjoon was supposed to pick up Maya. He had just finished his schedules for the day and had told the members he was going to go hiking with his other idol friends. Truth be told, members were getting more and more suspicious of Namjoon’s behavior. Besides, Yoongi no one really knew what was happening.

Namjoon also messaged Maya that he was leaving, before he left, just to give her a warning that he was coming over. Namjoon wanted to make sure Maya was comfortable. He wanted to make sure that she did not regret giving their relationship a chance.

When Namjoon arrived to Maya’s apartment, Maya was all ready to go. Maya had especially went shopping just for the outfit she would wear for their date. She was afraid that her usual clothes would fall flat compared to Namjoon’s high end wardrobe. In fact, that was one of Maya’s biggest worry going into this relationship. She was worried she would not be able to keep up with Namjoon’s elite idol lifestyle. Nonetheless, she was trying her best. Little did she know that Namjoon could care less what type of clothes Maya wore, so when she walked out with her unusually expensive outfit, Namjoon was slightly confused.

Namjoon didn’t say anything when Maya came towards the car. Again, his main priority was to make sure Maya felt comfortable with him and besides she looked amazing, so he had no reason to comment. At least not now. Namjoon went around to open the door to the passenger side seat for his new lady friend. Maya was caught by surprise at his gesture even though he had done the same thing the last time they rode together.

“Here you go,” Namjoon said while opening the door.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I can open the door” Maya replied.

“I know you are completely capable of opening your own doors, and might even be better than me at opening doors. But still, I wanted to. Please, if it’s okay with you. Can this be our thing?” Namjoon asked gently.

“Our thing?” Maya asked, her heart fluttered a little with the way words sounded when they came out of Namjoon’s mouth.

“Uh, nevermind...maybe that was a bit too forward. I am sorry! I won’t do this if it makes you uncomfortable. I just--” Namjoon was doing that thing again and Maya realized so she stopped him.

“Namjoon, you are fine. You can open the door for me, but in return I get to have a ‘our thing’ too” Maya smiled. She was good at bargaining.

Namjoon tilted his head, indicating that he was taking her offer into consideration. “Alright, what type of thing?” Namjoon asked.

“Hmmm, I am not sure yet, but I will let you know when I find it.” Maya answered.

“Hmm, alright. Well, for now let’s head out, shall we?” Namjoon responded.

Maya nodded and sat down in the car. Namjoon closed the door once Maya was settled and went back to the driver’s side seat.

Soon they were off to Inwangsan mountain trail. At first, both of them were quiet, as they didn’t know what would be an appropriate topic to talk about. They had always stuck to topics like books and literature, but they both knew they eventually needed to branch into other conversations if they planned on getting to know each other. Hence, they both took the first few minutes to figure out what to say. Eventually, Namjoon came up with a topic they had not previously talked about much.

“So, do you really have 5 siblings?” Namjoon asked. He assumed he should know at least a little bit more about her family if they were going to date.

Maya laughed. “Yep, I do and they are all brilliant.”

“Oh, really? More brilliant than you? I doubt it.” Namjoon looked over at Maya with his hands still on the steering wheel.

“Oh, but it’s true. I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters. Two of my sisters are studying to be a doctor. One wants to be an anesthesiologist and the other wants to be gastrointestinologist. Both are twins and they just applied for a Doctors without Borders program in Cambodia. My other sister is in the pre-law program at UCLA and she wants to study immigration law so she can help those who get wrongfully deported from America. One of my brothers wants to work for NASA, and has already received an internship from NASA, even though he is only a sophomore in high school. And my youngest brother is only 14, but he builds computers as a hobby. I am telling you, my siblings are way more brilliant than me.” Maya explained.

Namjoon gulped after hearing the background of each of Maya’s siblings. He imagined what it would be like if he met any of them. Would they ever approve of Maya dating someone who has only studied music? He tried to shake away the thought as he was worried he would have a panic attack just thinking about it.

“Wow, you do have quite a family. But that doesn’t mean you are any less brilliant.” Namjoon retorted.

“Namjoon, you don’t have to lie just because we are...you know…” Maya couldn’t finish her sentence. The word ‘date’ made her heart beat too fast and she didn’t want to have a heart attack while she was on a date. Maya blushed and looked down at her hands.

“We are on a what?” Namjoon immediately noticed Maya’s hesitation in using the word ‘date, and so he decided he had to take this opportunity to tease her about it.

“We are...you know” Maya still couldn’t say it. She bit her lips and looked outside her window. She could feel Namjoon staring at her but she wouldn’t dare look at Namjoon.

“I am not sure what you mean?” Namjoon was starting to enjoy this game.

Maya sighed and looked back at him. “Why are you doing this?” she asked in a frustrated voice. Of course, Namjoon found her frustration even more adorable.

“I am not doing anything though. What did I do? I am just asking since you didn’t finish the sentence.” Namjoon answered with a smile, and he shrugged his shoulders while his hands remained on the steering wheel.

“Fine. I’ll say it. You don’t need to lie to me just because we are on a…(inhales) date” The last part of the sentence came out as more of a mumble. She again became shy, and started staring out the window.

Namjoon couldn’t control his laughter at Maya’s response. How can someone be just so cute? He thought. “Anyways, I wasn’t lying when I said you are brilliant. Pursuing your PhD in writing isn’t a small feat.” Namjoon decided to get back to the original conversation.

“I guess…. But writing isn’t really viewed as a good career in my family. My parents always say I am wasting my potential.” Maya’s face became glum as she thought about her parents’ reaction when she told them she wanted to become a writer.

“I understand. At the beginning my parents also had a hard time accepting my choice of pursuing music.” Namjoon replied.

“They did? How did you convince them?” Maya asked.

“I don’t know. I think my mom saw how happy I was when I was with my music and she realized it was more important for me to be happy.” Namjoon answered.

“Hm, well I am grateful you pursued music, because who knows what this world would have done without your music.” Maya thought back to the night when she wanted to break up with Caleb. It was BTS’s lyrics that had given her the motivation to break up with him. The messages in their songs were what kept so many people going.

Maya’s words tugged at Namjoon’s heart. “Thanks. I guess I wouldn’t have been able to meet you either if it wasn’t for my music.” Namjoon looked over once again.

This time Maya returned the look and a small smile spread across her face. “I guess not.”

The rest of the car ride was quiet again. It wasn’t the awkward silence. It was a reflective silence. Both of them were just thinking of all the things and decisions that had led them where they are.

Soon Namjoon pulled the car towards a small parking space in front of a park. He parked the car, put on his mask, grabbed his backpack from the backseat, and said “here we are. The trail is actually a bit farther away, but this is the only place for us to park, so hope you don’t mind the walk.”

“Of course, not. We are here to hike anyways!” Maya said as she picked up her bag from her lap and tried to open the car door. However, before she could open the door, Namjoon suddenly appeared by her door.

“This is our thing remember?” Namjoon reminded Maya as he held the door while Maya got out of the car.

“Are you seriously going to do this every time?” Maya asked while laughing.

Namjoon aggressively nodded.

“I am going to need some time to get used to this” Maya replied.

“No worries. Take your time. What’s the rush?” Namjoon assured.

Maya gave a slight nod and looked away, her heart was still beating fast. She tried to calm down her nerves as they both began walking towards the trail. However, there was just no end to Maya’s nervousness.

Halfway towards the trail Namjoon suddenly stopped and opened his backpack.

“What happened?” Maya asked out of curiosity.

Namjoon pulled out two water bottles and handed one to Maya. “Here take this, in case you get thirsty.”

Maya laughed as she took the water bottle in her hand. Namjoon gave her a confused look.

Maya explained the reason for her laughter by opening her bag and pulling out two water bottles. “I have one for you too.” Maya said as she handed Namjoon one.

Namjoon also laughed. “Great minds think alike!” Namjoon said.

“Especially when they have 98% same biorhythms.” Maya added.

Both stopped and laughed for a while. “I guess I won’t be needing this one then.” Namjoon said as he put the water bottle he brought for himself back into his backpack.

“Same here.” Maya also put the one she had brought for herself back into her bag.

Both exchanged a smile for a second and continued walking. Soon they arrived at the trail.

“Here it is.” Namjoon said once they got to the front of the trail. There were brochures and maps at the front for hikers to grab before they started their journey. Maya immediately went and grabbed every brochure she saw. There were some about the history of the town, some about the trail, and the maps were about all the different routes they could take to reach the mountain. Maya started reading. Namjoon also joined in and both started talking about the different things they were learning about the place. After a few minutes, Namjoon realized they should probably pick a route and start hiking.

“So, should we start? Which route do you want to try?” Namjoon asked.

Maya looked at the map and tried to decide the route she preferred. “Umm, maybe route B? There is also a view of the lake if we take this route” Maya suggested. It was the route that she thought would be most scenic.

“Okay that works for me.” Namjoon agreed. “Let’s go.”

Namjoon and Maya started their hike. Both of them focusing on their surroundings. Every now and then both of them would point out something they saw or stop to take pictures of the scenery. At one point, Maya saw a grasshopper on a leaf so she stopped and went towards it to take a look. “Woah, look at this little fellow.” Maya said. As she observed the colors. Unlike other grasshoppers this one was colorful. Maya became absorbed in the beauty. She pulled out her phone and started taking pictures. However, instead of the grasshopper, Namjoon was more intrigued by Maya’s reaction to it. Namjoon also pulled out his phone. However, his subject was Maya, not the grasshopper. He wanted to capture Maya’s curious expressions. Her eyes were focused on the little bug and she was so absorbed in the moment that she didn’t notice Namjoon taking her picture.

“He is so pretty!” Maya said she finally looked up at Namjoon. As she did, Namjoon quickly tried to hide his phone to prevent her from knowing that he was taking her picture. But it was too late. Maya became suspicious.

“What were you doing?” Maya asked.

Namjoon was terrible at lying his expressions were flustered and he didn’t know how to hide it. “Umm, nothing. I wasn’t doing anything.” Namjoon responded.

“What were you doing with your phone then?” Maya asked. She folded her arms.

“Oh, I was just looking up what type of grasshopper it was.” Namjoon tried to come up with a reasonable excuse.

“You were taking a picture of me weren’t you” Maya squinted her eyes and looked at Namjoon.

Namjoon gulped. Crap! She knew!

“No...I wasn’t” Namjoon gave one more futile attempt at hiding the truth.

“Delete it!” Maya demanded.

“But why?” Namjoon asked.

“Just delete it! Please!” Maya pouted.

“But...but I don’t have any pictures of you…and you looked so cute…please let me keep it” Namjoon pouted back.

Maya started making whiny noises, which were even more adorable. Namjoon was afraid he would melt and give in to her puppy face. But he knew he had to hold his ground. He really wanted to keep that picture.

Maya continued to whine “No, it’s not fair. I don’t have any pictures of you either!” Maya said.

“Are you kidding me? You can just google my name and get a billion pictures of me a thousand different angles. At least let me keep this one” Namjoon argued back

“Uggh, fine. You are getting away this time mister, but now I am watching you.” She pointed at Namjoon and warned him. Then she continued to walk ahead. “ Aish, it’s probably such an ugly picture.” Maya mumbled to herself.

“It wasn’t ugly! I don’t know how to take ugly pictures! See” Namjoon pulled out his phone and showed her the picture. Namjoon was right. It was beautiful. The trees in the background, and Maya’s glowing skin under the small beams of sunlight that peaked through the canopy of the forest made her look beautiful. Her attention was on the rainbow colored grasshopper and there was a small smile on her face. It was perfect.

Maya carefully looked at the picture and then rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I am watching you Kim Namjoon. Don’t try this tactic again.” Maya reminded.

“Yes, Ma’am!” Namjoon jokingly put his hands up in the air as a gesture that he was retreating. He couldn’t stop smiling knowing that he had still gotten to keep the picture.

Maya scrunched her face and continued walking. The two of them continued to walk until they reached a stream. Namjoon was about to step over the stream until he saw Maya’s hesitation.

She gulped when she saw how wide the stream was. She wasn’t sure how she would cross it. There was a rock in the middle, but it was covered in moss and the force of the water was strong. She was worried she would fall. Namjoon knew exactly what was going through Maya’s head. Namjoon slowly went ahead and stood on the rock that was in the middle of the stream. It was wide enough to fit both of them. Then he reached out towards Maya. “Give me your hand.” He said.

Maya looked at him with hesitation. She shook her head. “It’s okay.”

“Maya, just trust me. I won’t let you fall. Just give me your hand” Namjoon insisted with a demanding voice.

Maya gulped and slowly put her hand into Namjoon’s. Namjoon grabbed her delicate hand tightly and slowly pulled her forward. Maya gently stepped towards the rock where Namjoon was standing. They were both standing close. So close that Maya could hear Namjoon’s heartbeat. So close that Namjoon was tempted to pull her into a hug, but he was trying to resist. That was until Maya almost lost her balance, so Namjoon quickly put his hand around her waist to keep her steady and Maya grabbed onto Namjoon’s shirt to keep her balance.

“I got you. You are okay” Namjoon assured as he felt the panic in Maya’s body language and noticed how tightly she was holding on to his shirt. Holy cow, was this real? Why did it feel so right? She didn’t want him to let go. He didn’t want to either. But he eventually had to for him to go forward.

Namjoon slowly let go of her waist and took another step towards the other side of the stream. He was still holding on to Maya’s hand, but she was feeling scared again as she was alone on the slippery rock. “You are still good. You are okay.” Namjoon kept mumbling as he went to the other side.

Once he was on the other side. He gently tugged on Maya’s hand, to gesture her to come to the other side. She followed by slowly stepping forward. Namjoon even reached out his other hand in case Maya wanted to hold it. She took the offer and now was holding both of her hands with Namjoon’s.

She then reached the other side and let out a sigh of relief, while she continued to hold both of Namjoon’s hands. She realized within the next split second and let go immediately with her face becoming bright red. “I am so sorry. Thank you for helping.” Maya quickly put her hands in her jacket pocket and looked away. Namjoon was a little disappointed when Maya let go of his hand. He wanted to hold it longer.

“You can hold it longer...if... if you want.” Namjoon blurted out his selfish thought.

Maya immediately looked back at him. Her heart was pounding, but when her eyes met his chocolatey brown orbs she couldn’t feel any nervousness. Of course, she wanted to hold his hand longer and it was clearly written all over her face. Namjoon read her expressions, and he smiled and held out his hand again. Maya looked at his hand, gently tucked one of the strands of hair behind her ear, and put her hand gently into his again. Namjoon pulled her closer beside him and they started walking again. Both were careful not to make eye contact while the held hands. They just walked quietly. Enjoying each other’s company.

Soon the trail ended and they reached the exit. “Welp, we made it!” Namjoon said.

“Wow, is it already over?” Maya questioned as she gently let go of Namjoon’s hand.

“Why? did you want it to go on longer?” Namjoon jokingly asked.

“No...I mean...it was fun” Maya hesitantly replied.

“Yeah it was. I am glad you had fun too.” Namjoon felt relieved.

“I guess we should head back.” Maya said.

“Yeah we should.” Namjoon agreed.

They both got to the car and again, Namjoon opened Maya’s door before she could even think about it. Maya laughed and sat down. Then he came around and sat down on the driver’s side.

Namjoon started driving. It was quiet until Maya requested that Namjoon play his music in the car.

“I always like the songs your recommend on Twitter” Maya told Namjoon.

“You do?” Namjoon was surprised to hear.

“Yeah I think almost all of them are on my phone.” Maya said.

Namjoon felt thrilled to know that Maya liked the type of music he listened to. He loved sharing his music with the world, and it felt like now he had someone close that he could share his music with too. It warmed his heart.

Namjoon again reached out and took Maya’s hand into his. “May I?” He asked.

Maya smiled, nodded, and intertwined her fingers with his tightening the grip. It felt so right.

The two then began to talk about their childhood days. They talked about Maya’s life in California and Namjoon’s life in Ilsan. They talked about Namjoon’s trainee days and Maya’s undergraduate experiences. They shared anything and everything that came to mind. No filtering and no hesitation. Their conversations were just falling into place.

Unfortunately, the car ride eventually came to an end when they arrived back at Maya’s apartment. Namjoon sighed. “I guess here we are.”

“Yeah, time keeps flying by too quickly.” Maya noted.

Namjoon decided to at least drop off Maya till her apartment door. He was trying to buy as much time with her as he could. They walked upstairs together to her apartment and stopped when they reached the door.

“Maya…thanks for giving me a chance” Namjoon said almost in a whisper to make sure none of the neighbors heard them.

“Thank you for today” Maya whispered back.

“Does this mean you’ll go on another date with me?” Namjoon asked. Maya was looking at her feet, but Namjoon saw the shy smile that spread across her face. She simply nodded.

“Maybe you can plan next time, if you want” Namjoon suggested.

“Really?” Maya’s eyes lit up as she looked at Namjoon.

Namjoon suddenly became worried. There were not many places he could go with her, he thought he should tell her that they can’t go anywhere with a lot of crowd.

“It’s just...we have to be careful. We can’t go out where there are…”

“I know. Actually, I am not sure how you would feel about it...but can I ever come see your studio?”

Namjoon was surprised at Maya’s request. Of all the things she could have asked. She wanted to come see the place where he felt the most comfortable. It was as if she had read his mind.

“You really want to come to my studio?” Namjoon asked, his eyes were wide in surprise.

“Of course. I want to see where you create all your masterpieces.” Maya laughed.

Namjoon smiled. “Ah, I wouldn’t call them that...but I would love for you to come see it.”

Maya quietly clapped her hands. “Eeee, I am so excited!”

“You’re silly!” Namjoon shook his head. He couldn’t understand why she was so excited to see it.

Maya merely laughed and slowly started unlocking her door. She wanted to spend more time with him. She didn’t want him to leave. But she knew he would eventually have to. “I guess I should head in.” She said.

“Alright. I will see you next time.” Namjoon waved and started walking away from Maya’s apartment. Maya stood there for a moment. She felt like she already missed him even though he was only just a few steps away.

“Namjoon…” Maya called out his name before he started heading downstairs. Namjoon stopped in his tracks and turned around.

“What is it?” He asked.

Maya had no idea what she was doing. She just went along with what her mind told her. She went up to Namjoon and gestured him to lean closer to her. Namjoon was confused but he followed Maya’s directions. She leaned into his ear and whispered “I like you.”

A really bright smile formed on Namjoon’s face as he comprehended Maya’s words. And as soon as the dimples appeared, Maya leaned in again, gave him a quick peck on his right dimple, and ran away while saying “you’re silly too!” and closed her apartment door behind her.

Namjoon was so astonished he couldn’t move for a good while. He just touched his cheek where he still felt warmth from Maya’s soft lips. He was so disoriented that he almost stumbled down the stairs. He wanted to scream and shout with joy, but he couldn’t. He had to somehow drive to his house without having a complete meltdown.

Meanwhile, Maya had a meltdown after she realized what she actually did. She had no idea why she did what she did. She collapsed onto her bed and hid her face in the pillow trying not to think about what she had just done. She couldn’t believe it. She had just given a kiss on the cheek to Kim Namjoon. Had she gone crazy? Perhaps she had.

The rest of the night both Maya and Namjoon were submerged in the euphoria from their date.

Few days later

As per Maya’s request, Namjoon picked out a day when she can come to his studio without any of the other members knowing. This time happened to be late at night. He had told Maya they had to meet at night so that there wouldn’t be other staff or members there. Maya understood.

Maya had insisted that she would just meet him at the studio as it wasn’t very far from Maya’s apartment. Namjoon had told her to call him, when she got there so he could let her into the building.

Maya arrived 5 minutes before their decided time and called Namjoon. Namjoon was busy organizing his studio, making sure everything was perfect. He didn’t want anything out of place. Still when Maya called, his heart began to beat faster.

“Hello! I am here” Maya said as he picked up the phone.

“Hey, I’ll be right out” Namjoon said.

“Okay, see you soon” Maya said.

Namjoon half ran to the front door of the building and before opening the door put his hand on his heart trying to calm himself down. Truth be told, he was still not over their last date. Maya’s sweet parting gift from last time still had left Namjoon intoxicated. How would he see her today without melting?

Nonetheless, with shaky knees and butterflies in his stomach, Namjoon opened the door and found Maya’s smiling face.

“Hi…” Namjoon managed to mutter.

“Hi…how are you?” Maya asked.

“I am...I am good” Namjoon answered.

Namjoon opened the door wider so he could let her in. She stepped inside the building feeling a bit overwhelmed. She couldn’t believe this was the BigHit Entertainment building. She couldn’t believe she was stepping into the world that she knew almost nothing about just couple years ago.

“What’s wrong?” Namjoon asked as they started walking towards the studio.

“Nothing, I just can’t believe I am in this place.” Maya said.

“Why?” Namjoon asked.

“I don’t know. It’s just hard to believe everything that’s happened the past few days.” Maya answered as she adjusted the shoulder strap of the bag she was carrying.

Namjoon nodded. “I understand.”

Eventually they reached the studio and Namjoon unlocked the door and led Maya inside. Suddenly Maya felt a wave of familiarity wash over her. She remembered she had seen this room in some of her visions.

“Here it is. My safe haven.” Namjoon introduced his studio.

Maya smiled and looked around at all the little figurines and collectables. Maya knew about Namjoon’s obsession with collecting KAWS toys. She found it incredibly precious and also thought it impressive how many he had managed to collect.

“I hope my collections don’t scare you away.” Namjoon joked.

“Nah, this doesn’t scare me. You haven’t seen my collection of stamps.I understand the obsession”

“Wait, really? I didn’t know you collected stamps. You’ll have to show me sometime” Namjoon asked.

“Sure...my book is at my apartment.” Maya replied and continued observing the studio. She was careful not to touch anything and just looked from distance. Namjoon also had some gifts from fans that he had on display, along with a picture of BTS and his family. Maya and Namjoon had talked about his family during their last date. It was clear that Namjoon was close with his mom.

Namjoon just let Maya look around for a bit and then asked “So, what do you think?

“Oh, sorry...I just got carried away. It’s awesome in here. It feels like...it feels like you” Maya responded.

Namjoon nodded in intrigue. “Interesting. And what do I feel like?” Namjoon asked.

Maya thought for a second. After her bold move during their first date, Maya was slowly letting go of her walls around Namjoon. “I guess this might come off as a little weird but you feel like a sanctuary” Maya responded the word that came to mind every time she tried to describe how she felt when she was around him. It was a feeling of both contentement and tranquility that was fused in with her emotions of euphoria and ecstasy. He was becoming her sanctuary. Namjoon made her feel safe and free at the same time. It was strange because she had never felt that way before.

Namjoon was silent for a moment. He just continued to look at Maya. Maya suddenly became self-conscious about her words, regretting her decision to be so forward and to give away such personal thought she felt towards him.

“I am sorry...that was a bit weird wasn’t it.” Maya said as she put her hand on her forehead out of regret.

But her regret faded, when she suddenly felt Namjoon’s arms around her. A feeling of both excitement and serenity spread throughout Maya’s body as she felt the heat of his body enveloping her. Her sanctuary was embracing her.

“I have wanted to do this for a long time. I hope this is okay.” Namjoon said as he was going through similar waves of excitement and peace inside of him. But he still wanted to make sure Maya was comfortable with his sudden move. He had never felt so complete or content in his life. When Maya called him her sanctuary, Namjoon knew exactly what she meant as he often felt the same way around her. He knew there were no real words to express this feeling, so he just described it through his actions.

Maya nodded into his chest, as she wasn’t sure she would be able to speak. She slowly put her arms around him, slowly melting further into his arms. Namjoon pulled her closer in, as he had finally had her permission. Namjoon could smell his favorite Maya’s fragrance again and that elevated all his feelings. He wanted to stay like this forever.

Namjoon suddenly heard muffled sobs coming from Maya. He immediately loosened his grip to see what was wrong.

“Hey, what happened?” Namjoon asked as he looked down towards her. He saw tears rolling down from Maya’s cheeks. Maya quickly let go of Namjoon, took a step back, and hastily wiped her tears.

“I am sorry, I am not sure where these came from.” Maya replied. “This is embarrassing.” She let out a fake laugh.

“Maya, is everything okay? You can tell me anything.” Namjoon was concerned. He understood the overwhelming emotions they were feeling, but he couldn’t quite understand the tears.

“No, everything is fine. I guess, I just got carried away. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You don’t scare me, Maya. Just know that you can tell me if there is something bugging you. Okay?” Namjoon was concerned because he suddenly remembered what Junmyeon had said about Maya’s past. There was something painful that Maya had been through, and Namjoon wondered what it was.

Maya nodded. “Okay, I will...for now, I wanted to ask, have you already eaten?” Maya changed the topic, returning back to her bright and cheerful self again.

Namjoon knew this was just Maya’s way of changing the topic, but he didn’t want to force her to say anything, so he decided to leave that discussion for later. “Ummm...no I haven’t had dinner yet. Why?”

“Well, I actually brought dinner for us.” Maya took out a few containers from her bag.

“Dinner? Really?” Namjoon was surprised. “Wait is this homemade?” Namjoon noticed the tupperware.

“Yes it is!” Maya answered excitedly.

“Wait, how? I thought you couldn’t cook…” Namjoon asked.

“Yeah, but I am learning from Han Bi. Let’s be honest, I can’t keep eating convenience food for the rest of my life.” Maya laughed. “Anyways, Han Bi helped me make Samgyeopsal, and kimchi stew, and for dessert we made rice cakes.”

“Wow, really? Did you really make all of this just for me?” Namjoon asked. He was too surprised.

“Well, it’s not just for you. I am eating with you.” Maya laughed.

“Yeah but still…This is too much.” Namjoon complained.

“I mean, this was supposed to my planned date right? So, let me have this. In fact, this could be my ‘our thing’!” Maya suggested, as she moved a small table in the corner, in front of the couch in the studio and set up the food.

“What do you mean, you are going to bring homemade food everytime you come here?” Namjoon was getting worried. He really didn’t want Maya to feel like she had to bring him things every time.

“Well, maybe not homemade food, but just some treat of some sort.” Maya shrugged and sat down on the couch. “Please let this be our thing” Maya pouted.

As expected, Namjoon couldn’t resist. “Okay, fine”

“C’mon sit down, let’s eat! I am hungry!” Maya encouraged Namjoon to sit down on the couch next to her.

Namjoon sat down next to her and they both started eating. “So, do you like the food?” Maya asked half way through.

“It’s surprisingly good.” Namjoon gave a nod.

“Why is it surprising? Did you think it would be terrible since I helped make it?” Maya raised her eyebrow.

“No, I thought you didn’t want to cook because you weren’t good at it, but now I think you would be pretty good if you learned it” Namjoon replied.

“Yeah, I think I am mostly used to living alone and I never really felt like cooking just for myself, so I never learned it.” Maya answered.

The conversations continued with the dinner. When it came to the dessert, Maya tried to convince Namjoon to eat the last rice cake, but Namjoon pretended like he was going to eat the cake and at the last second stuffed it in Maya’s mouth. Maya looked so cute with the rice cake stuffed in her mouth that Namjoon couldn’t stop laughing. In return, Maya jokingly kept hitting his shoulder. “You are so mean!” Maya tried saying with her mouth still full, which made Namjoon laugh even harder.

After dinner they cleaned up everything and Maya put the small table back into the corner. Both were happy and satisfied.

Then Namjoon dragged Maya towards his office chair where he would sit for hours and make his music.

“Sit here” he said.

“Are you sure? Isn’t this like your main chair?” Maya asked. She was surprised by Namjoon’s suggestion.

“Of course. Sit here. I want to show you something.” Namjoon insisted.

Maya followed Namjoon’s direction and sat in his chair, while he leaned over her shoulder to find what he wanted to show Maya on the computer. He clicked on a password protected file and then quickly entered the password to access the document he was looking for. It was a music file.

Before playing the file, he turned on the speakers with a remote that was sitting next to the computer keyboard. Then he finally clicked on the file.

Music started playing. At first Maya didn’t understand what song it was until she heard Jungkook’s voice. Maya slowly turned her chair to face Namjoon. She wasn’t completely sure if her hypothesis was correct. But from the lyrics she was starting to feel like her assumption was true.

She looked up at Namjoon. “Is this the song that…” Maya didn’t need to complete her sentence because Namjoon nodded before she did.

“It’s our song.” Namjoon confirmed Maya’s hypothesis. “Just listen to it.” He added.

Maya’s eyes stayed glued to Namjoon’s while she silently listened to the lyrics of the song. Her heart was so full with warmth that she was unsure how long she would be able to hear such sweet words before her heart failed completely. Jungkook’s sweet melodious voice filled the room, which fit the lyrics of the song so perfectly. Maya knew what the lyrics of the song meant. These lyrics were Namjoon’s way of asking Maya to give him a chance. His way of saying he believed in whatever strange fate that had brought them together. His way of saying just how much she meant to him.

She suddenly got up and wrapped her arms around Namjoon’s waist again. He returned the hug by wrapping his arms around her shoulder and they both stayed like that until the song ended.

Maya let go of Namjoon and stepped back after the song was finished so she could look at Namjoon again.

“Namjoon this is beautiful.” Maya said. She wanted to say more, but there were just no words. However, Namjoon was able to hear the unspoken words. He could feel what Maya was trying to convey.

“You think so?” Namjoon replied as he stepped closer caressing Maya’s cheek. He was careful not to look into her eyes. He focused his attention on her face and lips. Maya could feel the blood rush up to her cheeks. She couldn’t breathe due to Namjoon’s closeness.

“I wrote it while thinking of you. I really like you, Maya.” Namjoon stated the obvious, but hearing those words made Maya’s heart skip a few beats. Especially since he was gently cupping Maya’s face into his large hands. Maya was careful not to look into his eyes, even though she was dying to.

“I really like you too” was all Maya could mumble as she put her hand over Namjoon’s hand that was still cupping her face.

“Close your eyes” Namjoon suddenly demanded. Maya became confused, but she followed his direction.

Namjoon finally let out a small sigh of relief, as he was now able to look at Maya without worrying that they might accidentally make eye contact while touching, which would trigger a vision. He was relieved because now he could look at her carefully and memorize every curve and freckle on her face without worrying he would get distracted by her beautiful eyes. He was relieved because after all this time, Namjoon could do what he had been dying to do.

Namjoon leaned his face closer to Maya’s bringing his lips closer to her right cheek, while he still had his hand under Maya’s chin, leaving a small peck and he whispered “this is for last time.” Maya let out a small sound of shock, as she had not expected him to do that. But Namjoon wasn’t done yet. He leaned in towards her left cheek, and left a small peck there, and whispered “this is for earlier when I saw you at the door”. Maya inhaled sharply. Her stomach was in knots. Of course, Namjoon was still not done yet. He leaned in once again, this time aiming for her lips. His target was clear. Next thing Maya knew, Namjoon’s lips crashed against hers. The sweet taste of his lips took over whatever sanity Maya had left inside of her. The euphoria that Namjoon had described in the song was now being felt ten times more by both of them. They both felt fireworks going off inside their hearts as their soft lips moved so delicately against each others. Maya slowly put her arms around his neck and stood on her toes while Namjoon moved his hand away from her face and put his arms around her waist.

They could feel their heart beats synchronize and their brain waves molding into one, even though their eyes were closed. They could feel their union being celebrated somewhere in the heavenly skies by some deities and angels, as this had to be a divine intervention that had led them to this moment. Their kiss was gentle like rose petals and feathers landing on the ground, but their kiss was also strong like waves of an ocean taking away any small fear and doubts they had about each other. This kiss was the beginning. A turning point for their journey and they both knew they would never be able to turn back.

Namjoon slowly let go of Maya’s lips and whispered “this is for everyday from now on.”

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