#this too shall pass. this too shall fucking pass. god i feel sick and evil and angry

[t4tstarvingdog]

had a bit of a breakdown today 👍

[thaleleah]

𝓖𝓸𝓭𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼 (𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓞𝓷𝓮)

Pairing: Billy The Kid x Fem!Nun!Reader

Warnings: ***NON-CON***, Dub-Con, Dark!Billy, Virgin!Reader, Oral (female receiving), Fingering, P in V, Corruption Kink, Creampie, Possessive Behavior, Masturbation, Wet Dreams/Sex Dreams, Seduction, Emotional Manipulation, Religion and Religious Beliefs, Explicit talk of gunshot wounds, blood, and the bullet's removal (kinda? Idk if it's explicit explicit, but its a little more than just mentioned), Mention of physical abuse/child abuse (not from Billy), Childhood Trauma, Mention of alcoholism, Moral/Religious conflict within one's self, My bad Spanish, Nun breaking her vows, Probably too quick of a healing process to be fucking someone but I'm not a doctor so 🤷🏻‍♀️, Using the word "drawers" instead of "panties" which is kinda cringe to me but I wanted to be somewhat accurate

Word Count: 9.6K

A/N: Billy's passed out for most of this but I hope y'all like it anyway. Please know I'm posting this and then running away. Okay, byeeeeeeeeee

Summary: When Billy stumbles into your clinic, hurt and in desperate need of care and refuge, you don't hesitate to help him. Perhaps this is God's will. Perhaps He has brought him into your life to help heal the parts of him that the cruelness of the world has soiled and broken. You are a healer by trade, both of the physical body and of faith. If this is to be God's mission for you, then it shall be done. How could you have possibly known that the young man who begged for help that fateful night would turn out to be the devil himself?

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Translations:

Por Dios - Oh my God

Que Dios te bendiga - May God bless you

Qué sorpresa! - What a surprise!

Y él no quería que su mamá lo supiera. Así enterró la carne en el jardín - And he didn't want his mom to know. So he buried the meat in the garden

Pero el perro la desenterró y ella se descubrió de todos modos. Tuvo que lavar platos él solo por dos meses - But the dog dug it up and she found out anyway. He had to wash the dishes by himself for two months

Ese niño - That kid/child

Parece que era un buen amigo - Seems like he was a good friend

Sí, él era - Yes, he was

De nada - You're welcome

Gracias, Hermana - Thanks, Sister

They say the devil can take on many forms.

He is a demon figure - with the face of a goat, horns, hooves, and a blade pointed tail.

He is a great dragon - large and terrifying, destructive and formidable in the power he holds.

He is a roaring lion - hungry and fierce as he stalks God’s children, waiting for them to fall into his trap before he attacks them like prey.

But the devil was once God’s favorite angel, amazingly beautiful and wise. The angel of light, God’s morning star - a traitor now, a trickster . . . evil.

The Lord teaches love for all, compassion and understanding despite another’s upbringing or current situation. All humans are God’s children, all made in His perfect image, brothers and sisters in unity under His loving and eternal care. You are thankful to know this, grateful that you can feel His presence coursing through your veins despite the horror that you’ve come to face daily while working at the clinic. His gift to you is your endless drive to help those in need, sitting by the bedsides of the sick and dying, applying a cool rag to their sweaty foreheads, or spoon feeding them soup to give them strength when they are too weak to do it themselves. 

It is a taxing life, and the sorrow you feel when you cannot nurse someone back to health is ever present in your heart, but the Lord is clear in your life’s mission and you will be forever thankful for the lessons you learn in this lifetime. 

He has made you a healer, using you as a vessel for His healing touch for all you come across - regardless of wealth, status, religious affiliation, or criminal record. 

Which is why when he stumbles into the clinic during the late hours of the night, face pale and hand pressing hard to his side where blood is streaming through his fingers despite the pressure, you don’t hesitate to help him. 

You think you should have - should have let him bleed to death on the clinic floor. Would God have abandoned you if you had?

“Sister Maria!” You cry instead, running to the injured man and looping his arm around your shoulders to help him lean against you. “We need fresh towels and water! And sutures! Hurry!”

Sister Maria runs in the room, bedsheets still cradled in her arms from where she had been turning over a recently discharged patient’s room. She gasps at the scene, dropping the linens on the floor as she rushes to the main utility closet. You guide the man to a bed, helping him drop onto the thin mattress with a tortured groan. One of your hands splays over his, helping to maintain pressure on the wound until Sister Maria can bring in the needed supplies. Your other hand lays gently on his sweaty forehead, thumb caressing the straight line of his nose trying to soothe him. 

His baby blue eyes stare up at you through their pained haze. 

“P-please, help,”

The devil can take on many forms and carry many names.

And yet, despite all you’ve heard about who he is and what he’s done, you never once considered Billy the Kid to be one of them. 

Misguided and uncared for - sure, but never evil. 

He’s so young. You can’t even imagine what horrors he must have had to go through to lead him to the path that he’s on now.

Perhaps it’s fate that you’ve been brought together, an opportunity for you to spread the healing power of your Lord’s love and mend not only his body but his bruised heart as well. You’ve seen too many times where hardships have hardened the minds and spirits of others, caging them off from God as they struggle with their wavering faith. 

“Don’t you worry,” You say. “The Lord is here with us. He will see you through.”

Whether he groans from your words or the pain, you’re not sure.

Sister Maria is quick to grab the supplies, dumping them on the side table. She dunks a clean cloth in the water, wringing out the excess, but pauses when she sees his face. 

“Is that— ” 

“Nevermind that!” You hiss, pulling the cloth from her hand. 

You lift his shirt, exposing the injury and the dirt dusted skin framing it. It looks horrible, blood seeping from the laceration in a steady flow and a part of you is thankful that the sight of blood doesn’t make you immediately drop to the floor like your cousin, Paul. He gasps when you touch the cloth to the wound, blood immediately seeping into the white of the cloth and marring the pure color. 

His fingers dig into the fabric of his trousers, gripping it tight as he clenches his teeth against the pain. Your free hand rubs lightly against his forehead, trying to soothe him as best you can while you clean the wound. 

You think it must be God’s mercy that he passes out before you can pull the bullet out. The pain of the forceps digging into his body as you pulled out the thick ball of lead and the shock that would have come with it would have surely dragged him under had blood loss not gotten to him first. It’s better this way - he’s safer cradled in sleep’s loving hold rather than crying and jerking about as you try to save his life. 

Sister Maria holds a small bowl out in front of you with one hand while the other delicately holds his wrist, feeling his pulse between her dainty fingers.

The bullet comes out easy, your forceps finding the lead and guiding it out of the wound’s entrance with ease. It clanks as you drop it into the tiny bowl, and you send up prayers of thanks for allowing such a quick and simple removal. The grace of your Lord has certainly just saved this man’s life.

With quick fingers, you stitch him up, practiced movements securing the wound shut before covering it with a generous dressing of cloth to keep it clean from any dirt and debris. 

His sleep isn’t restful, the pinch in his brow and the way his cheeks twitch in the flickering candlelight of the small room make that clear. Your own brows pinch as you reach a hand out to trace the furrowed skin, smoothing it out with a gentle thumb. You don’t like seeing people suffer, but it’s more often than not that the people you come into contact with while working in the clinic are in pain, or suffering, or at Heaven’s doorstep. You help who you can and pray for the souls of the ones you can’t so they may be guided to God’s kingdom where they can live in an eternal paradise by His side. It always hurts when you can’t heal someone, the feeling of failure is a stark reminder that ultimately it is the Lord who chooses to give us life, and he can choose to take it away just as quickly. 

It feels different this time though, somehow more personal in a way you can’t understand. The young man before you still has his whole life ahead of him, still so much to do and so many lives to touch. The sins that he’s committed thus far can be forgiven, if only he lifts them up to Him and asks for forgiveness. You can feel it, deep in your bones, that you need to save this man. You can’t fail. 

He’s alive, for now. And you can only do your best to make sure he stays that way. 

“He cannot stay here,” Sister Maria says quietly, gathering the red stained water and rags. “They will find him.”

You nod, gathering the small bowl with the bullet remnant and the sutures kit. “We’ll keep him here tonight and move him to the back room in the morning after he’s rested a while,”

“No,” Sister Maria says. “He cannot stay here. Helping an outlaw is punishable by death. They will hang us,”

“God will not abandon us,” You say, firmly. “We are all His children, servants and outlaw alike. He wouldn’t want us to toss him out on the street to die.”

You look over your shoulder towards the sleeping man again. His brow is furrowed again, the sweat on his face glistening in the light. You sigh before turning back to Sister Maria. “Don’t worry, Sister. I’ll think of something,”

The pacifying words seem to offer Sister Maria no comfort, and her worried eyes snap upwards as she looks towards the ceiling, voice cracking as she breathes a pleading, “Por Dios,” up towards the roof. 

The room is silent to her plea.

You don’t leave Billy’s side the entire night, sitting in the chair directly next to the bed, dabbing at his heated face and neck with a damp washcloth and changing his bandage when the first one had soiled through. He wakes a few times during the night, icy blue eyes fluttering open and locking on yours for the briefest second before slipping closed once again, a quiet sigh escaping through his slightly parted lips. 

This is the hardest part - the waiting. Waiting to see if your hard work to heal someone was enough. You keep a close eye on him, looking for signs of pain or illness, keeping an eye on the injury site to try and prevent infection. You flushed it with alcohol during the dressing change, having found an extra bottle hiding in the supply closet while grabbing some fresh cloths. Supplies like alcohol for disinfecting, while needlessly abundant in saloons and brothels, are difficult to acquire for the clinic. You think it's foolish, wasting something that can be used for healing purposes on something as pointless as getting drunk. Your father had been a drunk, drinking away his cares and woes, his only goal was to make it to the bottom of a bottle. 

You wish you would have found it sooner so you could have actually disinfected the entire wound instead of just the outside and stitches, but this is better than nothing, you suppose. The smell as you pour it over his wound makes your stomach turn, reminding you of all the times your father came home reeking of the stuff, belly full of poison and his mind, hazed with drink, still evil enough to find your mother and make her suffer as if she were the reason he deemed himself a failure in life. Billy lets out a pained moan in his sleep, body subconsciously tensing in pain as the alcohol flushes the stitched up skin, but thankfully he doesn’t wake. You don’t want him to be in pain, but there’s a part of you that selfishly thinks he’s sharing your own pain, the memory of your childhood trauma somehow seeping into his brain as you recover his wound. 

You know it’s not true, but you’re thankful he’s there with you anyway. 

When morning arrives, you’re beyond exhausted. 

The night shift always takes more out of you than the day shift and your eyes have been threatening to close since the first rays of the sun started spreading across the dust covered floor of the clinic. 

Sister Ann and Sister Catherine arrive before the sun does, the first rays of it only starting to spill over the New Mexico horizon line when their footsteps echo through the entryway. You lean forward in your seat at the sound of them, glancing over at Billy’s still sleeping frame as Sister Ann’s gentle humming of a nursery song her mother used to sing to her spreads throughout the clinic. Quick footsteps cut through the song, the humming stopping entirely as frantic whispers sound from the entryway. And then three sets of running feet are getting closer to the corner room. 

“Oh, good heavens,” Sister Catherine breathes, eyes locked on the special patient taking up the small bed. 

Sister Ann has a dainty hand clasped against her mouth in shock and Sister Maria nervously wrings her own together from behind them. 

“He was hurt,” You say, immediately defensive of the injured man. “We couldn’t leave him to die. The Lord says–”

“You don’t need to preach to us, Sister y/n,” Sister Catherine interrupts. “It’s the right thing to do. The Lord is on our side.” She’s confident in her words, and it gives you comfort you didn’t know you needed to have your beliefs validated. But she pauses, eyes flickering once again to Billy before they meet yours - the fear in her brown orbs clear as day. “The law, on the other hand, will not be.” 

“We need to move him,” You say.

“To where?” Sister Ann whispers frantically. “The sheriff and his deputies are sure to show up here. They know he’s been shot, it’s only a matter of time.”

“It is a blessing they have not come already,” Sister Maria adds.

They’re right. With Billy injured, they have to know he couldn’t have gotten far. Their only saving grace is that the Sheriff more than likely would have never believed Billy would have come to the clinic for medical attention if on the run from the law. Perhaps holed up in some abandoned alley, bleeding out while propped up against a wall. Or maybe they think he tried riding out of town, desperate to get as far away from the people hunting him as possible before inevitably succumbing to his injuries and falling off his horse in a nearby field. 

You rise from the chair, leaning over the bed slightly to rest a gentle hand on Billy’s forehead. It’s still clammy against your palm and he shivers slightly in his sleep, subconsciously pressing his head a little harder against your hand looking for comfort in his pained state. He needs to get away from here, away from any prying eyes because if he’s found, his life on this Earth is over. He is in no position to run or fight for his life. The road to recovery for him is a long one if he hopes to heal well enough to regain his strength and usual mobility. The only thing he will have to look forward to if discovered before he can is a necklace of rope and a quick fall. 

“Help me get him to the back room,” You say, sternly. In moments of uncertainty and panic, someone needs to be the guiding light. Your fellow Sisters are still as stones in their spots, all in various states of distress as they look at the man who, if discovered under their care, could very well be the catalyst that marks the end of their missions here on Earth. The Lord brought Billy to you - you need to protect him. “He can stay in the alcove until we can figure out where to take him.”

“He cannot stay in the clinic!” Sister Maria exclaims. “They will surely check every room searching for him!”

“Trust me,” You soothe. “Please, Sister. We need to move him before they come or we will all surely pay the price.”

There is a short pause, but to your frantic brain it feels like an eternity before Sister Catherine nods and gently nudges Sister Ann to the opposite side of the bed. 

“Let’s hurry,” She says, reaching to pull away the thin blanket you threw over Billy’s shaking frame at some point during the night. “I fear we don’t have much time left.”

Together, the four of you lift Billy from the bed. It’s a struggle. Even for multiple women to carry a fully grown man, it's a task and a half just to get him from the small patient room to the back area of the clinic. He whines in his sleep, his wound jostling and stitches pulling from the regretfully poor stability you have on his body as you carry him. But, somehow, he doesn’t wake. 

The back room is small, but comparatively large compared to the patient’s rooms. The entire width is the size of two patient rooms combined, but that’s not giving it much grace. It makes you sick sometimes, to see people with money spending it on lavish items, large houses and grand parties just to show off their wealth when there are people in need all around whose lives would change if they only had a fraction of the wealth the ones in good standing do. As it is, the back room of the clinic is despairingly bare - limited backstock of supplies, linens, and food are scattered among the wooden shelves lining the room. If only those wealthy men who think to only fill their pockets would hear the Lord’s call to give to the needy instead. It would make your heart happy to see these shelves filled just once. 

There’s a small alcove in the back of the room that you and the other Sisters use when times prove most trying. On the days when things are difficult, emotions are too much for you to handle alone or a patient isn’t doing well and there’s nothing you can do other than wait and pray for their recovery, you visit the alcove. It's been adorned with simple yet revenant items, a small yet beautiful cross nailed to the center of the wall, a small ceramic dish holding a wooden beaded rosary placed on the floor below it, resting on a pleasantly fluffed up pillow - ready to help guide their prayer. 

Resting against the side wall of the alcove is a folded up cot. It’s not uncommon that one of the Sisters might have to sleep at the clinic during their off shift. More often than not, they are able to return to their lodgings to sleep and reenergize for their next shift. But there are times when too many people are injured, too many of the townspeople have fallen ill to whatever flu or illness that’s crossing through the town and all hands are needed here. The foldable cot is their home away from home, and while it might not be the most comfortable, you are thankful the Lord was able to provide it lest you be made to sleep on the floor behind the extra blankets neatly folded on the shelves. 

You all adjust your grips on the young man allowing for Sister Maria to release her hold and pull back the thick blanket shielding the entrance to the alcove. You grunt under the presence of the additional weight, the awkward grip you all have on him unhelpful in the way his limp body bears down on you all. Sister Maria is quick in tying back the privacy blanket so that it stays to one side, and works to wrangle open the finicky cot. Once it’s unrolled, you help in depositing Billy down onto the makeshift bed, quickly checking his wound to make sure no stitches accidentally ripped in the journey back here before turning to accept the fresh blanket Sister Ann hands you from the shelf. 

Billy’s brow is furrowed again, breathing a little harsher probably from the pain of being jostled. You lay out the blanket over top of him and pull it up to his chin, your hand reaching out to smooth the wrinkled skin between his eyes again. 

“What do we do now?” Sister Ann asks, and Sister Catherine pulls her hand away from where it was plucking nervously at the skin at the sides of her fingers.

“We wait,” She responds, cradling Sister Ann’s damaged hand delicately between her own. “We won’t be able to move him out of the clinic before the Sheriff arrives. We’ll have to keep him hidden here until then and pray they don’t find him.”

The thought of the Sheriff and his men finding Billy here makes your stomach churn. The undeniable fate that waits for you if he’s discovered is one that you’re willing to sacrifice. He’s come here for help, God has brought him here to you for your healing and protection and you can’t fail Him just because your humanity makes you fearful of your end. It’s supposed to be a beautiful thing - death. The moment when your soul on this Earth fulfills its mission here and your granted eternal life at the side of God in the Kingdom of Heaven. It’s what you’ve wanted your whole life, a life of peace and serenity that seems so out of reach here on the soil. Fear will not keep you from looking forward to it. But you’re not done here yet, you have many years left of helping others and spreading His love to those in need. This is not your end. But if it is, it’s worth the sacrifice to try to save Billy. 

You’ll hang with him, if need be. 

Your fellow Sisters though . . . the thought of them hanging for your own choice, regardless of if you think it was the right thing to do, makes you sick. Your decisions are your own, and they shouldn’t suffer for your choices. 

Billy’s forehead unwrinkles under your gentle fingers, and you can feel your heart break as you look down at him. He’s so young still, a young man just at the beginning of his life. He has so many fine years ahead of him. He’s handsome, fit and strong - he would make a fine husband for some lucky lady, a dutiful father for his children. He’s not as evil as they say. You’ve learned to trust your instincts when it comes to people. Sometimes the most misunderstood people are the kindest, and you can’t help but think Billy is the most misunderstood of all. You can’t sense a single whisper of badness in him. 

You stand up and pull the privacy blanket back in front of the alcove, hiding Billy from sight in the safety of God’s makeshift altar. Together, you and the other Sisters make your way out of the back room. A few rooms down a sickly man is coughing up a storm, and from how hard and continuous his coughs are, you know his throat is raw. Sister Ann shoots the rest of you a worried look, but turns to grab a water carafe off of a side table before rushing down the hall towards the coughing man and away from the current situation. 

“You can head back, Sister Maria,” You say, placing a calming hand on her shoulder. “Get some rest. It’s going to be a long day and we’re going to need you for the night shift.”

You can tell she’s torn, both wanting to stay and help in any way she can but seeming to know that there’s nothing she can do. All there is to do is wait. After a few moments, she nods, her own hand coming up to rest on top of yours. “Que Dios te bendiga,”

You watch as she makes her way towards the front, pushing open the wooden door before jerking to a halt. “Sheriff Garrett! Qué sorpresa!”

Her words sent a spark of panic through you. It’s so soon! You knew it was coming, but it’s still so incredibly soon. You had hoped for at least a while longer to try to gather your thoughts and think of a plan of where you can take Billy, but it feels like time moves slowly as the Sheriff and two of his deputies step into the clinic.

“Sister,” Garrett responds, respectfully tipping his hat. 

Even through your panic, you still feel a twinge of irritation. A gentleman would take off his hat, but you suppose it’s better than the two men standing behind him who do nothing but trail their eyes around the clinic's entrance suspiciously (and with a clear bout of judgment).

You know for a fact these men with gold lined pockets have never given so much as a dime to the clinic. 

Sister Maria turns back to look at you and Sister Catherine, desperation clear in her eyes and you're glad that none of the men are looking at her anymore or you think her obvious distress might have given you all away.

“Have a good rest, Sister,” You say, urging Sister Maria away. Thankfully, she listens, nodding to you and then Garrett before scurrying out the door. 

“How can we help you, Sheriff?” Sister Catherine asks. 

Garrett takes a few leisurely steps along the entryway, observing the interior of the clinic with the aura of a man who thinks he can see everything. You suspect he sees nothing at all. 

“I apologize for the interruption, Sisters. I know you’re hard at work," He says. “But we’re looking for an outlaw on the run.” He pauses, looking over at the two of you with pointed eyes. At your silence, he continues. “William H. Bonney, otherwise known as Billy the Kid,”

“Oh, dear,” Sister Catherine gasps. 

You feign concern also, bringing your fingers to your mouth as a sign of shock. Garrett nods in agreement at your supposed horror. 

“As you no doubt know he is a very dangerous, very unlawful, man,”

“So we’ve heard,” Sister Catherine says, nodding solemnly. “Is that what brings you in today?”

“Yes,” He says. “There was an altercation last night between him and I. I was able to shoot him so he is very hurt, but he got away before I could arrest him or finish the job.”

“Kinda stupid to come to a clinic when you’re a wanted outlaw, Pat,” One of the men behind Garrett grumbles. “We’re wasting our time here.”

You can’t help but agree, despite that being exactly what Billy did. But maybe that’s what makes it smart. You're hopeful that Garrett will listen to his friend, will assume that Billy couldn’t possibly be here and leave the clinic without investigating it. 

The small spark of hope dies as Garrett laughs without mirth. “The Kid’s not stupid. But we’re covering all our bases,” 

“Helloooooo,” A voice calls from another room opposite the patient still occasionally coughing up a lung. “Can someone please pay attention to the sick people around here? Hellooooooooooo?”

Sister Catherine smiles tightly. “Mr. Taylor,” She says by way of explanation. “A rather problematic patient here. He’s a good man, just impatient.”

Sister Ann’s voice can still be heard attempting to soothe her own charge, so Sister Catherine has no choice but to tend to Mr. Taylor. When she disappears from sight, you turn back to Garrett, trying your best to deter suspicion. 

“I can assure you, Sheriff, that we haven’t seen any sign of Mr. Bonney around here,” The lie leaves your lips far too easily for it to feel like the sin that it is.

Garrett nods, and you can tell he believes you, but puts his hands on his hips all the same, one hand pushing aside his coat to rest freely on the hilt of his gun. “Mind if we have a look around?”  

You force a smile on your face. “Not at all. As long as you don’t bother any of the patients. They need their rest,”

“Certainly,”

You lead him around the clinic allowing him and the deputies to search the rooms for their missing outlaw. When they get to Billy’s old room, the room they just vacated not minutes before the Sheriff arrived, you tell them that a patient was recently discharged and that you hadn’t had the time to turn over the room yet. 

“Why is there blood on ‘em?” One of the deputies asks, nodding to the blood stains still covering the stark white of the sheets. 

“A cooking accident,” You reply. “An incorrect knife hold can sometimes do that,”

Another lie. You feel this one a little more than the first. 

Eventually their search comes to the back room. You can’t keep them out, that would be too suspicious, so you allow them to walk through the half filled shelves. It's more than clear that there’s no place to hide anyone here other than the alcove and you're naively hoping they won’t even realize it’s there. 

It’s a large blanket hanging on the wall. Of course, they’re going to notice it. 

And, sure enough, one of the deputy’s eyes cut to the blanket. He heads towards it with a gruff “What’s behind here?” but you intercept him, rushing over to stand between him and the alcove.

The Sheriff and his deputies have their eyes on you now, each one closing in closer to you and the alcove, much too close for comfort.

“Sister,” Garrett says, voice stern with authority. “What’s behind the blanket?”

“It’s our place of prayer here,” You say, voice calm despite your nervousness. “Our altar.” You can’t mess up now. If you show any sign that you’re being untruthful, both you and Billy as well as your fellow Sisters out front will be on a one way trip to the courthouse. You’ll all die hanging from its top banister. “When healing doesn’t seem to be enough, it helps to have a place dedicated to God to call upon his everlasting power to perform miracles.”

Garrett nods. “Mind if we take a look?”

“Yes, actually. I do,” Your quick denial clearly catches him off guard, his eyebrows raising towards his hat. “Just as God bids us to modesty with our clothing, we must also show privacy and modesty in our places of worship. They’re sacred spaces. Surely you understand that, Sheriff,” 

The words feel like poison on your tongue. Using worship and prayer to cover up a lie is the catalyst that makes bile feel like it's rising in your throat. It’s not a lie, you have to remind yourself. It is a makeshift altar, you do use it as a place of worship and prayer. Just . . . not right at this moment. 

The reality of the situation is catching up with you, and you hide your slightly shaking hands by folding them together in front of you. You haven’t lied in years. You lied a lot as a child, a necessity of living with a father who’s anger could strike at a moment’s notice. You resented having to do it back then, forced to sin for the sake of trying to keep peace in the home. It’s much like the situation you find yourself in now, having to lie to try and protect another person. To protect yourself. 

When you found refuge at the convent all those years ago, you were told you would never have to be untruthful ever again.

“God is granting you freedom from your woes,” You were told, and you remember how light those words had made you feel. “Thank him for His good graces with your undying loyalty and strive to always be who He guides you to be.”

You hadn’t lied since, no matter how tough things seemed. Sickly patients lying on their deathbed, scared and begging you for any kind of reassurance that it wasn’t the end for them. You wouldn’t give them false hope. Instead, you would tell them to turn their worries to the Lord, clasping their hands in yours and praying with them.

“Your soul is strong, bright and ever-present,” You would tell them. Sometimes you would let them hold your rosary so they can find comfort in it. “The body is a temple, and we do our best in our life to care for it. You’ve done that. If it weakens now, it is because God is calling your soul back to Him.”

The guilt is clawing at your chest, but you force it back as best as you can as you meet Garrett’s eyes. “I ask that you don’t force us to desecrate that,” 

Garrett just stares at you, an unreadable expression on his face. One deputy just looks between you and Garrett, uncertain with how to proceed in the face of defying authority, and the other deputy that sneered at the thought of Billy even coming to the clinic scoffs at your words. 

“Listen, lady, the law–”

“John, enough,” Garrett interrupts, voice shockingly hard as his eyes cut to his deputy. “She’s a Sister and you’ll show her respect.”

You feel a quick spark of satisfaction at the way the deputy’s confident, power hungry facade dies under the Sheriff's ridicule. He mumbles a quick apology to which you accept with a nod despite how insincere it sounds. 

Garrett nods his head towards the door, silently gesturing for the other two to head towards the exit before he tips his hat at you directly, thanking you for your time and apologizing for any inconvenience their visit may have caused. 

You want to tell him it was no inconvenience at all, but you’ve already sinned enough today and you can’t bear the thought of intentionally adding to the tally without justified need. Instead you settle on curving your lips into a convincing smile, thanking the men in return for their brevity and understanding and wishing them a good rest of their day as you usher them out of the back room and towards the front entrance.

Every single muscle in your body relaxes once they are completely out of the clinic, relief washing over you as you whisper out a quick prayer of thanks to God for allowing everyone to get out of the overwhelmingly dangerous situation unscathed - at least for now. 

Sister Ann and Sister Catherine peek out of their respective rooms when they hear the front door swing shut, their wide eyes mimicking the relief you know is shown in your own. 

“I can’t believe they didn’t find him,” Sister Ann admits, and it pains your heart to see tears begin to well up in her eyes. “I thought this was truly the end for all of us.” 

You have her in your arms in an instant, cradling her small frame against your chest as she begins to cry in earnest. For as scary as it’s been for you so far, you can’t imagine what she’s been going through. Sister Ann and Sister Catherine have only known about Billy for less than no time at all. And yet, despite the short period of time between finding out about Billy, getting him into the alcove, and the entrance and departure of the Sheriff - you’re sure it probably felt like an eternity to her. 

“Hush now, Sister,” You whisper, running a soothing hand along her back. “You’re safe, I promise.”

Sister Catherine places one of her hands on Sister Ann’s back as well, but she’s looking at you when she speaks. “He still can’t stay here,”

You know that. You know. You got lucky that the Sheriff didn’t find Billy this time, but who's to say that he won’t come back when he’s unable to find his missing outlaw anywhere else? Covering all his bases, that’s what he said. He’ll come back again when he sees that his other ‘bases’ have turned up nothing but dead ends. 

Your older brother, Joe, has a cabin just outside of town. It’s a hidden place, specifically built for peace. No visitors. He lives alone, no wife or children to keep him company and he prefers it that way. 

“If I’m alone, I can’t turn into him,” 

You're positive he wouldn’t. Your brother is far from being anything like your father, but the task of trying to prove that to him seems to be out of your skillset. He tells you he’s happy with his life, that he’s chosen the path he feels he needs to be on just as you have. Who are you to pass judgment?

Joe likes the solitude, that much is certain. But he also has an adventurous spirit which guides him on lengthy trips from town to town, exploring all the world has to offer while never having to be tied to one place. He’s away now according to the last letter he sent you, planning to stay in Chihuahua, Mexico for a while and that he’s not sure yet when he’s going to be back. 

“It’s dangerous,” Sister Catherine pushes, taking your silence as reluctance.

“I know,” You say. “I know. I think . . . I think I have an idea.”

The cabin will be empty. Joe isn’t due back for the immediate future, and even if he does return earlier than you suspect he will, you and Billy won’t be in danger. Joe can be trusted. He’ll help you, if need be. You can’t imagine that the Sheriff would ever know about it. It’s secluded - far off of any of the usual paths. It’s safe there. The perfect place to hide the wanted outlaw for a while. He can rest there, heal up uninterrupted for a few weeks until he can safely move around on his own two feet again. 

Sister Catherine listens openly to the idea, but her face is pinched in displeasure. 

“We don’t have much of a choice,” She says, reluctantly. “It seems like the best place for him to disappear to until he’s healed.”

You can hear the underlying pause in her agreement loud and clear. “But?”

“The clinic cannot spare two of us. We would lose half of our staff and it is too much for one person to handle alone per shift,”

“I wouldn’t ask any of you to come with us,” You say. No, for as much as you believe God sent Billy into your life for a reason, this was your mission to bear. You’ve already put your fellow Sisters through enough.

“You want to go alone?” Sister Ann sniffles, raising her head up from your chest.

“You need to think about this,” Sister Catherine says, sternly. “You shouldn’t be alone with him. He is a child of God, yes. But he is also an outlaw and a man. Sometimes, one of those is worse than the other.”

They’re being protective. The more rational part of you is grateful for their concern, and you think that if the positions were switched and one of them were in your position instead, you would react the same way. But a part of you is bitter. They’ve heard the stories. You know exactly how cruel men can be and you know exactly what they’re capable of. It’s a risk you’re taking, but you feel called to take it anyway. Billy needs your help, and God would never put anything in your path that you can’t handle.

“The Lord will protect me,” Despite the truthfulness of your words, you can see how they do little to reassure them. Your next words are better. “The Lord will help me protect myself.”

Sister Ann looks at Sister Catherine, once again bringing her hands together to pick at the reddened skin at the edge of her nail. Sister Catherine sighs, and the back of her hand reaches up to tap her forehead as if feeling the temperature or wiping away sweat. 

“Alright,” She relents. “How do we get him to your brother’s cabin?”

“I don’t know,” You admit. “We need a wagon. Or a large wheelbarrow that we can put him in and attach it to a horse. I haven’t ridden a horse in a long time, but I’m sure I can manage.”

“Where are we supposed to get that?” Sister Ann’s tone borders on exasperated. 

As if answering your unspoken prayer, the door to the clinic opens once more, this time revealing a bright faced Samuel Anderson, carrying a crate full of fresh supplies. And behind him, lit up by the sunlight like a bright blessing, is his wagon.

Sam Anderson is the son of local store owner, Edward Anderson, the clinic's top provider for basic supplies that are not strictly medical. While medicine shipments and more specialty items are donated from suppliers farther away, and frankly much less frequent than necessary, Mr. Anderson and Sam never fail to come through with plenty of food for you to make soups and nutritious meals for your patients. On occasion, you even have enough to give away to the families who are stacked together in a small two bedroom on the edge of town. With eight children total between two families, you're honestly not sure how they manage - but you do your best to help when you can. 

Seeing Sam walk through the front door is like a beacon of light from Heaven is shining down on him. He’s smiling already, the crate of food handled carefully between his hands as he lets out a cheery, “Good morning, Sisters”. But as soon as he sees your faces, more specifically when he sees the tear tracks still visible on Sister Ann’s cheeks, he’s placing down the crate and across the clinic’s entrance in a second. 

“What’s going on?” He asks. His hands automatically reach out towards Sister Ann’s face as if to cup it, but he stops himself. Instead he just looks at her worriedly, his concerned gaze leaving her face for only a moment to glance at you and Sister Catherine before they’re back on her, voice low and gentle. “What’s wrong?” 

It’s no secret that Sam harbors some romantic feelings towards Sister Ann. There are days when you feel sorry for him - a young man, good and kind and generous, who you have no doubt would make a fine husband to any lucky woman is in love with one of the four women in the entire county who are incapable of returning his affection. But it’s moments like this when it’s easy to see God’s presence in other people. Sam is as respectful and kind as they come. He accepts his feelings can never be reciprocated and in turn uses his undying love and loyalty to Sister Ann by helping you all at the clinic with anything he can. 

Somehow, he doesn’t expect anything in return, never stares at Sister Ann with an ounce of lust in his eyes, and it warms your heart to see the godly quality that’s usually so absent in men so prevalent in him. 

“Something’s happened,” Sister Ann tells him, her voice still wobbly with emotion. 

“What?”

“Sam,” You say, calling his attention back to you. “I know I have no place to ask this and I won’t fault you if you decline, but– I’m asking.”

“Tell me,” He insists, pulling his hat from his head and holding it to his chest, and God bless how the sincerity in his voice bleeds into his words. “Whatever it is, I’ll do it,” 

So you tell him everything. Sam listens with wide eyes, shooting panicked glances at Sister Catherine and Sister Ann when you tell him about the Sheriff’s visit, and he’s genuinely sorrowful when your voice gets caught in your throat as you tell him that you had to tell some lies to get him to leave without discovering Billy. He’s nodding already when you mention your brother’s cabin.

“I’ll take you there,” He offers before you can even ask the question. “My wagon is always at your disposal.”

“It’s dangerous. If we’re caught, you would hang with us,” 

Sam lets out a breath, unconsciously glancing over at Sister Ann again. “If the four most wonderful and religiously minded people in town hang for trying to do the right thing, then this isn’t a town or even a world that I want to live in anymore. Please let me take you. It would be my honor,”

A small smile graces your lips as you reach out and gently cup his cheek in thanks. For as many men pull and grind on your nerves with their endless greed and manipulation tactics, Sam is a breath of fresh air - a truly God-fearing man with a good heart.

He’s another person that you’re putting at risk, another life in danger because of the choice you’ve made. You try not to think yourself too selfish. Surely the fact that Billy has turned up in your life is God’s plan, and He does not put obstacles in your way that you cannot overcome. 

He tells you that he’ll come back tomorrow. He has a delivery that’s expected in a town over and if he’s going to make it there and back before nightfall, he needs to leave before the sun comes up. 

“I’ll stop here first,” He says. “We can load him into the back of the wagon while most people are sleeping and make the trip to your brother’s before I head on my way.”

“Thank you, Sam. Honestly,”

“My pleasure,” He nods his head at you, replacing his hat and tipping it kindly towards Sister Catherine and Sister Ann. “Until tomorrow, Sisters,”

The door swings shut behind him as he leaves and you let out a deep breath, hands smoothing over the dark veil covering your head just to feel a bit more grounded before you pick up the crate of food Sam brought. Billy needs to eat something. You're not quite sure how long it's been since his last meal, but even if he ate a minute before bursting through the clinic’s doors in the early morning, he would surely still be hungry and in need of sustenance by now. His body is weak and it needs nourishment to heal. 

Billy’s still sleeping when you peek around the privacy blanket. His head is turned to the side and buried in his pillow as much as he can get it, mouth hanging open as he breathes. Your hand itches to reach out and touch him again, to smooth against his forehead or cup his cheek, maybe place your fingers under his chin to help close his mouth in hopes of him breathing through his nose instead so his mouth doesn’t dry out. 

You’re not sure where this desire is coming from. You’re as affectionate with your patients as any nurse should be - kind and supportive, offering comfort when needed, but not overly so that it can be considered inappropriate. You’re all brothers and sisters, children of God - yes. But there are still social norms that must be considered. 

It feels different with Billy for some reason. 

“I’m going to get you to safety,” You whisper. You’re unsure about if he can hear you in his sleep or not, but you feel the need to tell him anyway. “I promise.”

You fall asleep at some point during the night, slumped against the wall next to the alcove’s entrance. 

You don’t remember falling asleep. You remember feeling tired, exhausted by the stress of the day’s events, and how your eyelids were threatening to close permanently more and more with each blink. The soup you had made still sat out in the small kitchen, and you had wanted to stay close to Billy so that whenever he awoke, you would be there ready to help feed him.

Instead, you wake to the sound of Sister Maria giggling to your left and a low, unfamiliar but still soft voice speaking in Spanish to her.

“Y él no quería que su mamá lo supiera. Así enterró la carne en el jardín,” The voice lets out a small chuckle, the smile on his face evident in his tone despite you not being able to understand most of his words. “Pero el perro la desenterró y ella se descubrió de todos modos. Tuvo que lavar platos él solo por dos meses.”

“Ese niño,” Sister Maria laughs. “Parece que era un buen amigo.”

You can’t see his face, but you can hear how he loses the smile in his voice. “Sí, él era,”

Pushing yourself to your feet, you step over to where Sister Maria is kneeling in front of Billy’s cot. It’s only now you see the mostly finished bowl of soup in her hands. Billy’s sitting up slightly, back propped up against his pillows enough to allow him to sit up a bit straighter but not enough to pull too much on his stitches.

At seeing your movement, his eyes snap to your approaching frame, big blue orbs staring up at you and you can’t help the relief you feel at seeing them.

“You’re awake,” You breathe, a small smile pulling at your lips. “Thank the Lord,”

His lips twitch a bit in what looks like a suppressed smile. “Kinda sounds like I should be thankin' you,” He says, and you notice how prominent the shift in his accent is as he seamlessly switches from Spanish to English. “Sister Maria says that you’re the only reason I’m alive right now.”

You shake your head, humbly. “Oh, no. Sister Maria and I work together as a team. I couldn’t have done it without her aid,”

“You show no fear,” Sister Maria insists. “Where I hesitate, you show mercy and strength. It is because of you that we are all alive now.”

“See?” Billy says with a blinding grin, and you can’t help but notice how handsome he is while no longer at death’s door. “My angel,”

You feel your face heat up at the endearment. An angel. Surely the comparison shouldn’t fluster you like it does. You’ve thought of your fellow nuns as the embodiment of angels before, angelic beings put into human bodies by the grace of God to spread His word. You know that’s not exactly true, that you’re just using your belief of what God’s angels would be like and seeing those beings in your fellow Sisters just like Billy is doing with you now, but you’ve never once thought yourself to be comparable to such a holy being and the compliment makes you flush.

You run a hand across your face, feeling the warmth under your palm, and clear your throat. “Oh, well, thank you,”

Sister Maria stands, taking the nearly finished bowl of soup with her. “He has eaten plenty and I changed his covering as soon as he woke up. You will want to change it again when you get to the cabin.”

“That’s great. Thank you,”

“De nada. I’ll go check on the patients and keep an eye out for Sam,”

She nods to you and Billy before she turns to leave, a small smile pulling at her lips when Billy rasps out a soft, “Gracias, Hermana,”

When she’s gone, you take her place in front of Billy, kneeling at his side and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better thanks to you,” He responds, wide eyes trained on yours, a smirk playing at his lips as he continues. “Don’t feel much like I’m dyin’ anymore,”

A small laugh escapes you at his morbid joke. “Well, I’d say that’s a very good thing then,”

“Sister Maria said the Sheriff came lookin’ for me,” 

“He did,” You confirm. “The Lord kept us all safe though and has given us an opportunity to get you to safety.”

Billy’s eyebrow raises skeptically. “Sounds like it was more your doin' than the Lord’s,”

You try to not let the slight against God rattle you. You had sensed this was coming anyway. William H. Bonney a.k.a Billy the Kid is an outlaw afterall, and no outlaw becomes an outlaw while still maintaining a positive relationship with the Heavenly Father. He’s gone through many hardships no doubt, and has more than likely deemed his bad luck in life as God’s personal vendetta against him.

“The Lord speaks through all of us, if only we have an open heart to hear him.” You tell him.  “Fear can make His words harder to hear, and I’m thankful that He was able to guide my mind and heart enough through the fear for us to get to safety.”

“Hm,” Billy hums, and you can tell how much he doesn’t believe your words. He doesn’t argue though. “And where exactly is this safe place you’re gonna take me?”

“My brother has a cabin just outside of town. It’s well secluded and unknown to most. We’ll be safe there until you’re healed enough to go on your own.”

Billy’s eyes drop to your hand still resting on his shoulder, thick dark lashes casting shadows on his cheeks before his bright blue eyes are locked on yours again. “You gonna be takin’ care of me, Sister?”

“Of course, I will,” You reply. “We shall see you well again, Billy. I promise.”

His own arm crosses his chest so his hand can rest on your own, his eyes wide and so earnest as he whispers a quiet, “Thank you,”

It’s only about an hour longer before Sam arrives. It’s still early morning, the sun still a ways away from coming up behind the horizon line, and town is silent. Sam pulls his wagon up to the back door of the backroom before coming around the front to help push it open from the inside. It’s been so long since it’s been opened. The door was once used for the scheduled delivery of goods for easy access to the storage area, but as years went on and the county and surrounding counties became overrun with greed and poverty, the shipments became less frequent. Now, anything needed just comes through the front door. It’s never too much anyway, so what’s a trip or two to the backroom while carrying a crate. 

Sam slams his body against the door a few times, the wood groaning in protest under his weight before it finally swings open. Billy watches from his place on the cot, his eyes threatening to close but forcing himself to stay awake. You want to tell him to sleep, he needs his rest to help him heal and recover, but you’re too busy checking your bag to make sure you haven't forgotten anything before tossing it in the back of the wagon. You need to leave before the townspeople start to wake up. If someone sees you, if just one person witnesses you smuggling away a wanted outlaw, then all of this would have been for nothing. 

“Sister y/n,” Sam calls, squatting at the head of the cot. He’s got his arms wrapped around Billy’s torso. “Come grab his legs. We’ll do our best not to jostle his wound,”

You come to a kneel at Billy’s legs, placing a comforting hand on his knee. “Do your best to relax, okay? If you tense, you might tear your stitches,”

Billy lets out a harsh breath through his nose, clearly nervous, but he nods anyway, brows furrowed in determination. 

Together you and Sam hoist him up. He gasps, groaning as his wound pulls but you can see how he’s trying to keep his stomach untensed. Getting him into the back of the wagon is not graceful, and you find yourself spewing endless apologies the whole time despite the relatively short journey. 

Sam’s laid out a bed of hay covered by two thick blankets throughout the entire bed of the wagon. Crates of food and other supplies take up half of the bed, but he’s managed to make it so Billy will have enough room to lay comfortably on his designated side. Billy sighs as he’s laid down on it, one of his legs bent at the knee and his palms pressing into the makeshift mattress as he cranes his neck up to look at you. You ball up a spare blanket, tucking it under his head before you push him back down with a gentle hand on his forehead.

“Rest now, Billy,” You tell him, crawling out backwards and helping Sam slide on the rectangular backing on the wagon to secure it shut. “We’ll be there when you wake up,”

His eyes stay locked on you as you circle the wagon towards the front. Sam helps you up onto the spring seat before jogging around the rear and hauling himself into the driver's seat. You smooth out your tunic, looking around the dark street for any suspicious or wandering eyes that might be peeking out from around buildings or through windows. You don’t see any, even as one of the horses whinnies when Sam urges them forward. The clinic is located towards the edge of town, so it only takes a few minutes of nervous eyes and your head on a swivel before the wagon is passing the final few buildings that mark the town’s end of population and you can relax.

You blow out a deep breath, meeting Sam’s equally relieved gaze as he snaps the reins and nudges the horses a little faster. You look over your shoulder to check on Billy and you’re expecting to see him sleeping, no doubt still exhausted from the trauma of taking a bullet. Instead, he’s looking at you, head twisting so he can see your elevated frame from his laid out position. His eyes seem to pierce into yours, so blue and intense as he watches you that it makes your breathing hitch in your throat. 

You’ve never seen eyes so beautiful before. Like endless pools of glistening water. Surely God must have taken much care when crafting them for him. 

You feel your skin prickle under his stare, body straightening in your seat. He doesn’t stop watching you.

“Sleep,” You tell him. “You’re safe, I promise.” And thankfully he listens, eyes trained on your face for just a moment more before closing his eyes. The tingling feeling in your body dissipates with the removed gaze. 

Your gaze turns around the front again, looking out to the vast stretch of land before you as you leave the civilization of town behind.

“Sam,” You start, looking for anything to pass the time and distract from whatever unusualness just happened between you and your charge. “How’s your mother?”

[the-fiction-witch]

I Hate You P3

TV SHOW: THE QUEENS GAMBIT COUPLE: BENNY X READER RATING: SEXY 

I groaned as I woke up seeing the bright light cascading from the windows and door, Loud music coming from the other room, I groaned sitting up rubbing my eyes. I slipped my robe over my shoulders going out to the rest of the apartment seeing y/n stood at the oven making pancakes, her hair in rollers, in a little blue sleeveless dress slightly dancing to the record player.

"Morning" I groaned

"Morning Husband!" she smiled "Coffee?"

"Uhhh yeah sure"

"Here you go" she smiled handing me a cup of coffee

"Aww thank you wifey" I smiled giving her a kiss "why are all the lights and the music on?"

"Because this is the time I get up benny. Get used to it"

"Fine, see how long you can keep this up when I don't go to bed till like three Am"

"fine, have your coffee darling"

"I shall" I nodded having a sip of my coffee but it tasted terrible, "Ughh! what is this!"

"I made you coffee darling" she smiled

"what did you do to this coffee? what was the exact steps in you making it"

"Coffee powder, milk, Water"

"Okay..."

"I did however use Almond Milk"

"Ughhhhhhhh...." I relused almost being sick "Okay. Thank you dear" I sighed tipping the coffee down the sick "I'm going for a shower"

"Ohh you might want to wait, I used up all the hot water" she smiled "sorry darling"

".... Its fine dear" I sighed starting up the shower and it was a cold as ice, "I'm gonna use your shampoo okay hun I'm out of mine" I told her as I climbed in the shower

"No! benny! it's mine use your own!"

"what's yours is mine darling"

"Fine, Ohh by the way I used your razor to shave my legs"

"... You know what that's not a problem, I wasn't planning on shaving,"

"You should"

"Should I?"

"It would make your wife happy"

"so would a divorce and I'm not giving you that either"

"I'll wax it in your sleep"

"You wouldn't dare"

"Wouldn't I Benny?" she smiled as she did her hair "Ohh I'm having some friends over later by the way"

".... fine. Then I'm having the boys over tomorrow" I told her as I climbed out my shower I smirked and dried off then threw my towel on the floor and wrapped my robe around me she seemed annoyed with me already "Feel free to leave me wifey, It's only going to get worse"

"Ohh is it now? well I'm going to stay put, I know I can last longer then you"

"why so sure darling?"

"Ohh I'm two days out from my period benny. You ready for it?"

"are you now? How about I start getting really into Diy projects that I will never complete"

"How about I get really into cooking and constantly make terrible foods"

"I'm never buying a dish washer"

"I'm gonna get a cat"

"I swear to go I will stat having chess themed orgies in this house, with or without your participation"

"I going to take a female lover"

".... Actually I'm fine with that. In fact I'd be slightly into it" I shrug "I will..."

"You'll what?"

"I will get you so fucking pregnant, you'll give birth to fucking twins or worse"

"My god do I hate you"

"I hate you too" I smiled pulling her to kiss me she resisted at first but happily kissed me back wrapping her arms around me tightly

"You'd be into me having a side girlfriend?"

"Kinda yeah? If you'll let me watch"

"You're disgusting" she sighed going to the bedroom

"what! It's hot!" I complain following her but she threw my jeans at me

"Put pants on!"

"My house! I can walk around naked if I want"

".... Damn it I can't you'll enjoy it"

"I will" I nodded "Infact could you, like seriously. that would be very very nice wifey" I smirked cuddling her from behind

"Hands off unless your going to fuck me benny," she laughs pushing me off her "Can't try this sugar sweet before you buy" she smirked playing with her hair and shaking her ass at me so much her dress physically moved from side to side with her shaking

"I thought I had bought it. considering... we are married."

"Don't you poke holes in my sexy analogy"

"Maybe I would have had sex with you if you'd given me a minuet"

"Nope! dwindling to none existent sex life. Welcome to married like benny watts"

"Our sex life is not dwindling if I have anything to say about it"

"Who said you did?"

"Our sex life is not going anywhere" I smirked grabbing her pulling her to my chest and grabbing her ass "Not at least till give got you pregnant y/n"

"You are never getting me pregnant"

"Aren't I?" I smirked "Just you try and stop me"

"Even if you do I'll make sure there all girls, all hate chess and want nothing to do with there father"

"You have no control about that honey, I do remember. so I'll make sure there all chess playing, messy, dirty little boys who all look just like me"

"I hate you"

"I hate you too" I smiled pulling her to kiss me.

I sat at the table working on my next book, Y/n came in bringing the last two crates of beer in she had borrowed my car or well she took my keys without telling me she was getting beer in for her 'freinds' she had visiting tonight,

"who have you got coming tonight anyway?"

"My friends"

"what friends?"

"My poker friends"

"I thought you poker friends was luke and everyone?"

"Ehh some of them yes"

"You have other friends?"

"I assume you have other friends then just lukes and your chess guys?"

".... I do not"

"Ohh. Well I do" she shrugs taking the beer to the kitchen i tried to take one but she slapped my hand "Not for you"

"Owww..." I complained "How many people are coming then?"

"A few"

"A few?"

"Just some poker friends, some biker friends, and Dan he's my bestie"

"Is he now?"

"will you just chill. also pack your chess board away unless you want it broken"

"why?"

"Because It'll get broken if you leave it there" she laughs

"I am growing more and more concerned about your friends"

"Yeah and I've been concerned about yours since I met them"

"Have you?"

"The boys are weird"

".... I'll give you that" I sighed

"Benny?"

"Yeah?" I sighed as I put my board away

"I don't like your clothes."

"You have mentioned that many times y/n"

"what! you do dress like a cowboy porn star!"

"Okay the cowboy I get where are you getting porn star?"

"The weird caterpillar you keep above your mouth"

"You love it" I smirked as I put it away

"But seriously benny I don't like your clothes"

"Okay?"

"Take them off"

"...Ohh" I laughed "Something you wanted wifey?" I smirked leaning on the kitchen counter beside her

"Nope just wanted to make you hard so I can abandon you" she smirked groping my dick though my jeans and then walking off

"You are evil"

"yep" she smiled as the door knocked "Get the door please husband"

"Yes wifey" I sighed going to the door as it was pounding by now, I opened it and almost gulped seeing the gang of tall, muscular, burley, heavily tattooed, leather jacket wearing men with bags and boxes of beer. "Uuuuuhhhh Hello" I smiled

"Y/n?"

"Uhh Yes, that uh that's uhh she's over there" I told them letting them all in,

"Ahhh my boys!" she smiled hugging them each tightly, once they where all inside I shut the door as they opened the first box of beer, My god she's turn my flat into a biker bar.

"y/n? are they going to kill me?" I whispered to her

"Maybe if you piss them off. wouldn't be the first time" she smiled as she walked off to chat with some others

"Wait- what? what do you mean wouldn't be the first time?" I asked her "Y/n? Y/n? Don't leave me alone" I whined following her carefully

"Benny watts are you scared?"

"Yes! this is little the first time in my life I'm NOT the most insane man in the room." I told her "I know I like to stick out but this... this is in a way I don't like"

"Boys?" she called making them all silence and look at us "Don't murder my husband...." she smiled

"That's it?"

"Don't murder my husband... Please?"

some nodded but most just returned to their conversations, their beer's or other such things, Y/n walked off to put some of her records on, and helped out one of the guys with something.

I mostly just sat at the table trying not to get in the way as my apartment was full of these... well biker guys, The smell of cigarette smoke wafting across the air, as well as the smell of beer, motorbike oil, and cannabis. The empty pile of cans and bottles of beer piling high by the door, The rock music blaring, men shouting and swearing at each other. Some guys arm wrestling others betting on it, spilling beer across the side, another group was doing something with vodka shots I wasn't sure, Y/n had helped one guy set up all the cushions on the floor like a bed and he had a little... let's call it improvised tattoo machine and sat cross legged smoking something as he did tattoo's on other guys, often he would pass the cigarette to y/n as she went around gathering empty bottles, checking on various things. as much as it wasn't my scene I loved how... she's kinda the queen of this shit, on anything she had the final word, on beer's, on who won games, everything went though her.

"Come on Baby? where's my sugar?" One guy asked sitting in the leather chair trying to pull her onto his lap

"Oi! hand's off Pete, ladies busy" she argues pushing his hands off her

"Besides, little ladies married now" Another guy spoke up from the table

"Yeah, how'd that little weasel get his hands on my baby?" He smirked more to y/n then anyone else

"Reasons" she smirked winking to me,

"Hey? Watts right?" he asked to me

"Yeah" I nodded

"You party?" he asks offering me a cigarette

"Uhhh no. No thanks"

"Whatever, fun little hubby you got y/n" He smirked pulling her onto his lap

"He's fun" she smirked getting off his lap "sometimes" she smiled as she walked past giving my cheek a kiss

"Y/n? your up" The guy called as he finished up the last guys tattoo

"wait your getting another tattoo?" I asked her

"No just touching up mine" she smiled "You wanna come hold my hand benny?" she whines playfully

"Alright" I smiled holding her hand so she dragged me over she laid on the pillows as this guy looked her tattoo over. He was taller then me, muscular and toned, Tattoo's covering every inch of his body, he was shirtless with only a pair of jeans and some suspenders, he sat cross legged on the cushion as he cleaned his needles and got some ink ready in a little glass dish "Y/n are you sure this is... sanitary on our floor?"

"Our floor's cleaner then the shop I got this done in" she laughs tapping the ottoman so I sat on it and took her hand "I don't really need you, I did it last time with just a lollipop and a foul mouth" she laughs "But... give you practice" she winks

"We good?" He asked her and she nodded and he started, it was only fascinating to see him touching up the colours and lines of her dragon even if at times it felt like she was going to break my hand till he took a break to change the colour or needle I don't know,

"fucking hell" I complain shaking my hand where it had gone numb

"Ohh this is nothing wait till I have a baby"

"Hell no, I'm waiting in the husband room with a paper"

"No your not your going to hold my hand that or stare at the human forcing its way out of me. either way" she smirked

"That is if you have a baby?"

"Like your not gonna get me pregnant" she smiled giving my lips a sweet kiss

"I might" I winked

"You don't I will" That Pete guy smirked

"You're done" The guy told her and she smiled sitting up

"You're turn"

"what? no way!"

"Awww what's the matter benny? You scared?" she smirked "I knew you wouldn't" she giggled as she got up "Guess I have a better pain tolerance then you,"

"I could sit though it y/n. I just don't... want anything"

"I bet you can't"

"I bet I can"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Put your money where your mouth is then watts." she smirked the room going quiet

"Yeah? Okay. If I do it you have to stop this stupid competing." I told her and she seemed shocked "we call the bets off, all of them"

"and what would we do about... everything?"

"I get to give in. and stay married to you. as long as I want"

"Humm found of your wifey now are you watts?" she smirked wrapping her arms around my neck

"I am. no more fighting, No more dares. and you stay my wife" I told her wrapping my arms around her waist

"And if you can't do it? If your chicken out?"

"Then we call our bet off and you win. you can leave me"

"Hummm... Okay" she smiled "But I pick what you get"

"Deal" I sighed

she smirked and pulled me to heavily kiss her, I happily kissed her back tightening my grip on her, I could hear the guys wolf whistling at us till she pulled away "Get cosy Benny" she smirked running to the table getting a bit of paper,

I breathed and laid on the cushions trying to get comfy staring at my celling while my head screamed at me

'Helloo! Earth to benny's rational mind what the fuck are we doing! why do we agree to this! She's gonna tattoo a dick on me isn't she?'

"You done this before?" The guy asked me

"Nope"

"I aint gonna lie to ya man, It's gonna fuckin' hurt"

"Yeah... I know"

"Ankle, under 15." y/n smiled handing this guy a bit of paper but I didn't see what it was on it "Get him on the bone"

"You're intentionally making this hurt aren't you?"

"Ohh relax benny, My first tattoo was my ankle"

"It was? so... it's an easy first place then?" I asked as she came over getting comfy with me

"Ohhh noo. I screamed" she smirked rubbing on my shoulders

"Thanks."

"don't move. Or It'll take longer. and hurt more" he told me

"Great" I sighed

"Ohh relax I'm not that evil to you benny"

".... we got married out of spite of course your fucking evil to me" I said starting to panic as he moved my jeans up 'ohh fuck oh fuck this is getting real, this is getting real, it's not to late I can get out of this'

"Yeah," she laughs giving me a cuddle "I hate you"

"I hate you too" I told her and as I did I felt the scratchy pain across my ankle "ahhh fuck!"

I blocked it out or at least tried to, Mostly just laid there with my hands over my eyes narwing on the inside of my mouth as y/n cuddled me and sometimes gave me kisses often going here and there to do other things as people began to leave to head home every so often i felt him drag something across my skin wiping away

"what uhhh what are you wiping?" I asked trying to focus on something other then the pain

"Ink." He says "and blood"

"I shouldn't have asked" I sighed

"Almost done" He says

"Is it normal to feel sick?"

"You're probably just low on sugar" Y/n laughs "You should have eaten something"

"Yeah well... waiting for my wife to make me dinner"

"Make him his dinner y/n" Pete Laughed as he had now came close to watch my pain sitting on the rug even if I did notice him ever so often ogling y/n

"Benny make y/n her dinner" Y/n giggled

"I would by my wife insisted I get my ankle amputated" I sighed

"Ohh grow up your getting a single line tattoo under fifteen centimetres. Not like I made you get my dragon" she laughs

"How long did your dragon take?"

"six hours in two three hour blocks one for line work and one for colouring" The guy smirked as he worked

"How much did that cost?" I asked

"Two crates of beer, fifty bucks and a free fuck with my friend Lina" she laughs

"How much is this?" I asked

"The beer and the cigarette I've had tonight" He shrugs "And your done"

"I'm done?"

"All finished man. you feel alright?" he asks as I sat up

"I feel like I'm going to faint or hurl"

"Go lay down benny," y/n smiled helping me up even if I couldn't put weight on my ankle instantly falling into her arms "whoa. Okay to bed Mr watts right now" she laughs helping me to our room and instantly she tucked me into bed "You get some rest okay sleep tight" she smiles kissing my head before going back to the living room leaving the door open a crack

"Back in a sec y/n I gotta clean up" The tattoo guy said as he headed to the bathroom

"Sure dan" she waves

'ooohh so that's dan"

I tried not to focus on the aching and throbbing pain on my ankle trying to get to sleep

"so? can I have a little sugar now baby?" Pete asked

"Pete knock it off. How many times I'm not into that anymore"

"what? seriously? but your my little biker baby?"

"Yeah well Not anymore"

"What? Because you got married in Vegas your actually going though with this shit? you got drunk and hooked up so what divorce him and lets get back to our sugar?"

"Pete, Look I'm serious. I'm married now"

"You can't really be staying with this little weasel"

"I am." she smiled "I Like being a wife, I like a lot of things about it but... I'm happy,"

I smiled a little and quickly fell asleep.

I groaned as I woke up my ankle still aching but I felt y/n cuddled up with me "Ummm good morning wifey" I smirked holding her close

"Ummmm hello Husband" she smiled cuddling me tighter "How are you feeling?"

"Better, now I have you"

"Yeah me too" she smiled kissing me softly I smirked and pulled her closer kissing her back being careful of her fresh tattoo

"so... we're married. and not looking for a divorce."

"Nope. Unless you like.. I don't know cheat on me or anything like that" she laughs "but other then that. I'm happy"

"Yeah, I'm happy too y/n" I smiled "We're happily married my darling"

"Very happy" she smiled "coffee?"

"Yes please my sweet wife" I told her and she smiled getting up and tugging me along with her, to the kitchen, I smiled wrapping my arms around her nuzzling into her neck as she made coffee, "We're really... not competing anymore? you're happy to stay married to me?"

"Very happy benny," she smiled turning to give me a kiss "For as long as you are"

"I heard... you and pete last night?"

"Did you now?"

"did you and him?"

"Once. Yeah, well you heard last night don't you trust me?"

"I trust you, Even if I hate you"

"Yeah I hate you too" she laughs "Do you like it?" she asks as she turned to face me

"Like what?"

"You're ankle?"

"Ohh. I haven't really seen it yet"

"Come on then" she giggled excitedly dragging me over to the Livingroom sitting her little mirror on the table and angling it down so I could see my ankle I was a little worried what I now Had permanently on me but I was pleasantly surprised,

The careful and beautiful linework of the outline  of the king piece

"oooohh... I like that actually"  I smirked rather impressed with it even if it was rather red,

"See. trust me" she giggled

"It's beautiful darling, I really like it"

"Good, I thought you would" she smiled moving a little closer standing beside me and I could see in the mirror as she got closer she had a fresh tattoo on her ankle too a tattoo in the same style in the same place on her ankle but of a queen piece so as we stood together they matched

"when-"

"after you went to sleep, before Dan left"

"I love it even more now, it's amazing my darling"

"Ummm" she smiled hugging me tightly nuzzling her head into my chest "I love you"

I was in shock, my heart beating quickly, I relaxed a little and hugged her tightly pulling her as close as I could "I love you too"

I smirked as we arrived at lukes my arm around y/n my hand on her butt though her coat

"Hey! you guys are togethere and aren't murdering each other? this is a rareity" Luke laughed letting us in leading us into the poker room where everyone else was already waiting

"Hi everyone" she smiled

"Hey" I waved as we got to the last two seats next to each other, I slipped my jacket and hat off  

"Drinks?" Luke asked

"Just a cola please Luke" she smiled

"Me too" I told him

"This is... weird" Luke said getting them from his little fridge "But come on you two know the rules"

"Course. You look beautiful y/n"

"Awww thank you benny, you look very handsome too" she smiled I happily kissed her giving her lips a sweet intense kiss

"What- What the hell is going on?" Luke asked as everyone was confused

"You go on wifey" I winked slapping her butt as I sat down she smiled widely and showed off her nice diamond ring,  and wedding ring. everyone looked impressed and shocked so I smirked and showed off my own with my signet ring

"You- You two are... fucking married now?" He asked

"Yep happily married" she smiled slipping her coat off putting it on the chair

"Yes! I knew it!" Mark laughed from across the table "the second y/n wasn't drinking I knew it"

"Yeah, Four months now right?"

"Four and a half" she smiled as she sat down and took my hand "I love you" she smiled nuzzling into my shoulder as Luke dealt the cards

"I love you too" I smirked giving her a kiss

"This is the most insane thing I've seen in my life. But I knew you two loved each other really" Luke laughed.

[jenonctcity]

No Nut November - Renjun

Huang Renjun – Smut, Crack, Fluff

Warnings: Explicit content, a lot of mentions of penis’s, female masturbation, male wet dreams.

Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: 00’s line take part in No Nut November.

The Rules of No Nut November:

You cannot have sex, masturbate, or nut in any way, shape, or form.

Watching pornography and having boners are allowed, but you can’t nut.

You are only allowed one wet dream. If you have more than one, then consider yourself out.

You do not have 3 strikes; you only have one shot at it. If you miss it, you’re out.

 If you have passed the month with a total of 0 nuts, you are a victor and you shall qualify for Destroy Dick December (Not Recommended).

Look man, just don’t nut in 30 days. 

Series

 You were horny. You couldn’t find any other words to describe the tingling sensitivity you felt within the confines of your panties. You needed Renjun, and you needed him now. He’d spent the day with Jaemin, Jeno, and Haechan doing god knows what, probably playing video games and eating till they felt sick. Now as he sat on the edge of his bed, scrolling through his YouTube feed absentmindedly you decided now was the perfect time to get some dick.

You had the whole thing planned out, you were gonna start by kissing his neck from behind, then you would rub his cock over his jeans to get him hard. You weren’t quite sure about the next step yet, you would either suck his dick down your throat till he had you gagging, or push him back onto the bed and sit on his face till your thighs were shaking and your eyes rolled into the back of your head. You figured you’d just decided which option to take in the moment. But the final step in your plan was riding him until he took you to cloud 9 and back. You snuck up behind him, the first step in your plan now underway.  

“Hey baby.” You purred in his ear, running your hands round his body to his chest and stroking it with lingering fingers.

“What’s up beautiful?” He didn’t take his eyes off of his phone, even when you started to press teasing kisses to the warm skin of his neck.

“I want you.” You got straight to the point, trailing a hand down to the slight bulge in his jeans. He was quick to grab your hand, pulling it away and turning his head to face you. You frowned at him, confused as to why he wasn’t jumping at the chance to fuck you when you were basically offering your pussy up to him on a silver platter.

“I can’t, sorry.” He shrugged, standing up from his spot on the bed and facing you as you knelt on the bed where he had previously been sitting. He’s never turned you down for sex before during your entire year long relationship, so this was completely baffling you.

“What do you mean you can’t?” You raised an eyebrow, tilting your head slightly almost like a curious puppy would when hearing something they haven’t heard before.

“The boys bet me that I couldn’t do no nut November, I said I could.” He shrugged like it was nothing. “If I last the entire month without orgasming once then they buy me a laptop. If I lose then I have to do anything they want for an entire day.” He chuckled at the look of anger on your face. “Sorry babe.” He cupped your cheeks and pressed a quick kiss to your pouted lips.

“I hate you. I can’t go a whole month without sex, you absolute fool!” You gave him a whack on the arm, your sexual frustration getting pent up and making you want to slap the shit out of him.

“You’ll live! It’s just a month and you can masturbate! You’ll be fine.” He sat beside you on the bed again, pulling you close with his arm around your shoulder. “Lets cuddle.” His grin was pissing you off even more.

“Pfft, lets cuddle, what a complete cum rag stupid idiot.” You mumbled, laying down on the bed with your back to him. He laughed when he heard your non-threatening mumbling. “I wanted my guts rearranged by dick but all I’m getting is a stupid cuddle.” You snuggled into the pillow, your scowl threatening to become permanent. He wrapped his arms around you and spooned you from behind.

“You’ll get over it. Don’t even think about rubbing your ass against my cock.” His lips felt were soft against the back of you neck, his breath cool against the warmth of your skin and sending a chilling shiver down your spine. You huffed and closed your eyes, hoping a nap would dull the horniness into nothing.

 Day 8:

It was a week later, day number 8 to be exact, when you decided you couldn’t last any longer. You needed Renjun’s dick. So, he was shocked to walk into his room and see you spread eagle on the bed, naked as the day you were born, rubbing your clit with two fingers and giving him a seductive look. You were even more shocked than him when he burst out into a fit of laughter. Your fingers stopping and mouth popping open to give him a gormless look.

“Why are you laughing?!” You closed your legs, sitting up on the bed and folding your arms over your chest, looking him straight in the eyes and trying to assert some dominance over him.

“You’re a funny girl.” He strode across the room, throwing himself onto the bed beside you and smiling widely at you making his eyes crinkle up.

“This isn’t funny. I need sex.” You looked down at where he laid next to you, glaring at him to show him how you didn’t find your needs funny. He just continued to smile at you, batting his eyelashes innocently as he looked your naked body up and down.

“Lay down.”

“Why?”

“Just lay down.” His voice held an authoritative tone that you knew to obey. You felt a light spark of hope flicker in the pit of your stomach as you laid down on the bed, opening your legs back up to give him access just in case he planned on needing it. “Be a good girl and you’ll get rewarded.” He smirked, sitting up on one of his arms to face you. He placed his other hand on your knee, very slowly and teasingly trailing it up your thigh, leaving a searing feeling behind from his touch. You watched his face as a substitute to watching his hand, his plump bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he concentrated on making you feel good.

“Please…” You figured if you begged he would be more likely to give you what you wanted.

“Such a brat.” His fingers ghosted over your slit, his touch light as it scaled up and down your wet folds. “Trying to seduce me when you know I’m not going to cave in.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against your, not wasting time to slip his tongue in the cavern of your mouth. With his tongue pressing to yours, he put pressure on your clit, rubbing it in circular motions and letting your moans slip into his mouth. “So, because you’ve been such a bad girl.” He removed his hand from you, smirking against your mouth before pecking your lips once more. “You don’t get anything.”

“RENJUN!!!”

 Day 13:

When Renjun opened his eyes in the morning, the first thing he saw was you grinning at him with a wide, shit eating smile. He furrowed his eyebrows, a yawn breaking from him as he wondered what you had to be so happy about that early in the morning.

“Good morning Mr Huang.” You greeted him, sitting up and stretching your back out.

“What did you do…?” He asked with suspicion in his tone, his voice coming out groggy and clad with remnants of sleep.

“Oh my sweet, sweet boyfriend, it’s not what I did.” You reached over and pulled back the duvet, revealing his naked body to the cool air of the morning floating through the cracked open window. “But what you did.” You used to your finger to point accusingly at the pool of dried cum on his toned stomach. His flaccid dick laying against his thigh. “I enjoyed every second of your wet dream. As did you I believe.” You had a face of a cat that had caught the mouse, your smugness building in your chest and making you let out an evil like laugh. Renjun sighed, rolling his eyes and relaxing back against his pillow. “Anyway, now you lost your bet, get that bad boy up again so I can ride you till I see stars.” You swung your leg over his thigh, mounting his hips and smiling cutely at him. You rubbed your hands over his chest and bit your bottom lip.

“Actually, it states in the rules that one wet dream is allowed. So, my bet is still on.” It was his turn to be smug now, his lips pulling into a sadistic yet sleepy smirk. Your face fell faster than a skydiver wearing a ton of bricks as you rolled off of Renjun, kicking your legs into the bunched-up duvet as you started to throw a mini tantrum.

“FUCK!”

 Day 25:

The stubbornness your boyfriend had shown over the past 25 days was actually rather impressive. You didn’t think he’d have lasted this long and you started to get prouder of him as the days went by, your mood doing a complete turn from when you were just constantly horny and angry. Those feelings fizzled out after you watched Renjun whine about being horny but being too persistent to give up on his bet. The poor man sat there with a raging stiffy in confines o his boxers, refusing to let you touch it and pretty much stamping his feet to the floor in need. After his boner had gone down without release, you stroked his head and gave him all the kisses he needed, telling him how pleased you were with his hard-headedness. You also apologised for trying to sabotage him in the early days. You were being strategic though, because you knew once the month was up he was going to give you some mind-blowing sex, and if he wasn’t still mad about you trying to destroy his no nut streak, then he would give you multiple orgasms. So yeah, your apologising was mostly to benefit yourself.

“What are you doing baby?” Renjun walked up behind you were you sat at the dining table of the dorm, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

“I’m just doing a written plan of all the sex positions we are going to try at approximately 12:01am on December the 1st.” You shone a bright grin at him, then rested your head against his. “Oh and I’ve drawn some diagrams too.” He squinted at your poorly drawn stick figures, trying to decipher who was who and what body part was doing what.

“What position is that?” He moved a hand from the warmth of your waist to point at one of your diagrams. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out what position you’d drawn the stick figures in, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

“It’s supposed to be doggy style but it looks more like I’m cleaning the floor and you’re just stood behind me…” You tilted your head too, trying to figure out yourself why you’d drawn it so badly.

“Why have I got three legs…?” You stilled at his question, letting out a soft laugh and rolling your eyes.

“That’s your penis, silly.”

“Why is it the same length as my leg?”

“Look it’s not an actual size diagram Renjun, enough of the questions alright?”

 Day 30:

Today is the day, well…technically tomorrow is the day, but that didn’t matter to you. Because in less than an ten minutes, the clock would tick over to 12:01am on December the 1st, and you’d finally get to feel the sweet feeling of a hard, dripping cock nestled tightly within the space of your wet walls.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited about something before in my entire life.” You laid on Renjun’s bed, making sure his roommate was going to be out the entire night – yes you may have threatened Jeno but he’s easily forgiving. 

“I can tell.” He laughed, lying beside you on the bed and staring up at the ceiling.

“I can’t believe you lasted a whole month without an orgasm! Your balls must be blue as fuck.” You giggled, lacing your fingers through his own. His hand felt a little bit clammy in your dry, cool hand. The heat from his hand warming your palm up, the heat meandering up your arm to spread throughout your body.

“They’re about to get a lot bluer…” He mumbled as quietly as possible.

“What did you say?” You glanced at him, not hearing his words.

“Nothing my darling.” He faked a smile at you, bringing the back of your hand to his lips and softly laying a kiss to it. You’d set an alarm for the magic minute, jumping up when it rang out in the room.

“Finally!” You mounted Renjun, turning off the alarm and hurrying to pull your t-shirt over your head.

“Actually…I er…spoke to the boys and they said they’re give me 100,000KRW if I participated in Destroy Dick December…so I said yes…if I have sex with you now then I know I’ll cum more than once so it’s best if I just do it myself...” The nervousness in his voice made it crack, gulping as he watched you with cautious eyes. Your silence scared him, especially when your eye twitched and nails dug into his chest, a slight wince marring his features. Anger boiled through you, rising up like a thermometer about to reach its peak temperature. “I’m sorry! Don’t be mad…we can fuck tomorrow!”

“DON’T BE MAD?! ARE YOU FUCKING HAVING A LAUGH HUANG RENJUN?!” Your scolding shouts could be heard through the walls, Jeno sitting wide eyed in the living room as he couldn’t help but listen to the situation happening inside his shared bedroom with Renjun. “It’s not going to be December that destroys your dick. I’m going to destroy it if you don’t fuck me right now!” Jeno burst into fits of laughter, finding Renjun’s difficult situation to be hilarious.

“Poor guy…” Jeno mumbled, putting his airpods in to drown out any more uncomfortable sounds that might resound from the room.

No Nut November: Huang Renjun – Success.

(A/N: Hey! I hope you liked this, please leave me some feedback if you could! Also, which member would you like to see next for the NNN series? I was just going to do it in age order but if I get enough people wanting a certain member next then I’ll do it that way instead.)

[the-nubiest]

Karolineha (Fake Dating AU) (7/7)

A/N: The final part, and the confession. Thy gay shall happen. THE KISS AND CONFESSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (also some flower language will be used, but not much)

--

"-If you're worried-"

"Karolina. My feelings to you? I never really liked talked about my personal feelings that often." Neha looked away.

They do have romantic feelings, they just never acted on it due to fear of rejection.

Karolina scoots a little closer to her friend. Not caring about the dress, she'll let it be dirty. Feelings are weird, they mess with perception of things, she thought. "You know, you're my closest friend. I'll let you speak."

Is Karolina okay? She is never this open about her emotions. I'm probably next to an imposter who doesn't know how my friend works, Neha thinks. Turning to her girlfriend, they look into each other's eyes. Quickly averting. "I like you. A lot, and these past few weeks was fun."

"Really? I thought it was stressful?"

"Well... it was, but I liked how you prepared me for your parents. You care about me, but I didn't think that you would go through so much lengths; just to prove to them that I am your girlfriend," giggled Neha, "I liked what you did. Loved, I mean. You care, even if you do not show it, you can through actions. Remember when you cuddled with me when I got really sick?"

Karolina flushed, "What?! How do you still remember? You were like... passed out. Axel had to bridal carry you back to our dorm."

"I was. When I was in my bed, I remember your body next to mine as you wrapped your arms around me. It... felt nice."

They both flush in red and laugh awkwardly, but Neha gets closer. Only an inch between them. "I really liked it... and I mean it."

"Oh... you did? Well I liked it too."

As they slowly get closer. About to close the gap, lips centimetres from each other-

"Go! Kiss! I'm totally getting $5!"

The girls immediately separate, now on opposite sides of the bench.

Who the hell said that?

The two look frantically around the garden. Hoping a robber, maybe a killer isn't watching them. Until they see Tegan and Scholar awkwardly hiding, holding a laptop. For some reason, the screen is black, but voices are heard from it.

Both glare at Tegan, who is just grinning with an evil intent in his eye. Until he mutters a curse at his laptop. "Shut up Ellie. I'll let Tadashi kick you out again. For the 2nd time this week."

A small whine is heard.

"Tegan. What the fuck." Karolina cussed.

He laughs manically and lifts up his glasses. Then his laugh drowns to pure giggling. "God. They have been waiting for this for like a month now."

"Tegan... who has been waiting?" Asked Neha.

"The others. You know what I mean."

Karol rubbed her nose bridge, "You started a Harmoni voice chat and text channel dedicated to this, didn't you?"

"What?! What are you talking about?"

She walked and grabbed her brother by the collar and starts shaking him back and forth. "You idiot! What other things did you do?!"

"Woah! Okay! I just tampered with the camera so everyone can watch it while you guys did your thing. It's 4k by the way."

Some voices from the computer are heard to be agreeing. Probably Tyler, Raquel, and Ellie. Maybe Axel. Arguing? Tadashi is probably criticising them for doing this stupid thing.

Scholar seemingly disappeared, but their voice is distant, "Hey, do you think we should leave the two?"

Tegan nods, moves Karol's hands out of his suit. Walking away with the laptop, he waves. Leaving the girls behind.

Some voices from the computer can still be heard. Claire's and Tadashi's.

Neha turns, "Let's go to your room."

"I know a better spot. Its further back." Karolina chuckled.

"What is up with rich people and their gardens?"

--

Held by the hand, Karolina leads Neha down the garden. Peonies, tulips, red roses, and carnations brush along their bare skin.

Seeing an opening, she pulls the designer one last time into a beautiful area filled with flowers. A singular circle bench sitting in the middle. The crescent moon shining above them.

"Oh my... It's so beautiful. I didn't think so many flowers would be here."

The model blushed, "I grew it a few months ago before school. With some help from the servants when I was gone. I really wanted to show it to you. For design inspiration."

Neha holds a rose,, "You know flower language? I could use it as a theme, but every design means something. The rose means passion and love. Karol, you said you grew these for me, right?"

"Yes. I did, just for you." She means it.

"You know, I'm glad that you did this. This is impressive. Having this been taken care for months now, just for one person. Karol..."

"Neha..."

Karolina walks towards Neha. Stretching out her arm, pulling her in. Their bodies making contact. The shorter girl gently places her hand on the taller girl, "Be glad that your brother isn't here watching us with that laptop."

They both chuckle. "He probably isn't, but I don't care about that. All I care about is the beautiful girl in front of me." Karolina professed.

"Me too."

As they slowly close the gap, their foreheads hit against each other. Both just looking at each other's eyes one last time. Smiling, the butterflies in their stomachs is flapping and they love it.

It was gentle, but loving. Lasted for a second, or a minute. Chuckling at the fact they confessed and kissed. As they quietly laugh, cheering is heard.

Both sigh. Especially the redhead, "Tegan, Scholar. Get out."

The two get out, the laptop monitor showing the others with their cameras on, cheering.

"You guys owe me now! $5!" Ellie shouted from the computer.

Raquel complained, "They didn't even make out!"

"I think they did, it was very silent. Nice-"

All of a sudden, Ellie was kicked off the stream.

Some arguing ensues over the kicking. Tegan and Scholar start cussing at them to stop.

Karol laughs, "Ignore them. Want to be my girlfriend, for real this time?"

"Haha! Yeah. I'd like that." Giggled Neha.

The two grab each other's hands and continue running down the gardens. Getting away from the chaos that is behind them.

[oceanic-finn]

Task: Development

Describe your character in a few words. Funny, amazing, the best -- Finn’s words. I would say charming, friendly, loyal

What do you know about your character that they don’t know yet? Finn is 100% unaware that he’s a big doofus, and he thinks he’s an absolute catch.

What are your character’s major flaws? Generally just being a bit of an idiot, not really thinking before he acts, and being overly cautious about certain things.

What would your character give their life for? Noel, Wyatt, Mira, Briar. They’re his absolute world, and Finn would die to protect any of them. @absentialucis @wyatt-thompson @obscuritas-est-lux 

What is your character’s greatest asset? His charming smile? His bluest of blue eyes? His very small ego? It would probably be how caring he is, when ti comes to any living thing, human or animal. 

What would completely break your character? Noel died and he’d never felt anything like that before, like the world was collapsing in on him. The loss of someone he is so close to... no pain will ever be as bad as that. 

How does the image your character tries to project differ from the image they actually project? Finn likes to portray that he’s a ladies man, that everyone wants him when really he’s just a bit of an idiot and everyone just sort of goes, ‘Oh, it’s only Finn’ 

What is your character afraid of? Now don’t laugh, but he’s very very afraid of jellyfish. He’s a son of Poseidon who hates a sea creature, but absolutely no-one knows. 

Where would your character fall on a politeness/rudeness scale? I’d say he’s definitely an 8 in the politeness range - he’s a nice guy after all!

If your character could choose a different identity, who would they pick? Finn wants to be Batman. Who cares if he’s real or not, he wants to ride around in the Batmobile, wear cape and speak with a really deep voice. 

In what or whom is your character’s greatest faith in? His family, of course. Finn has faith in them all 100%, that no matter what happens they will always have each others back. 

What was the best thing in your character’s life? His friendship with his brother, was always a massive highlight of his childhood. He always had someone to rely on, before Wyatt came around of course that was his best friend. 

What was the worst thing in your character’s life? His mother. Lilith is... a challenge. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?

What is a favorite flavor or smell of your character?  The sea air, the smell of seaweed, it all makes Finn feel safe and at peace. 

What seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character? Finn in uncontrollable laughter “NOEL BEING STUCK IN THE TREE... THE CAT... ”

What is your character’s secret wish? To get away from Icaria, although it’s not a secret to some people. He wants to get those he cares about away from this evil place, and somewhere much safer where gods won’t appear and smite people during charity events.

What is your character’s greatest achievement? Becoming a veterinarian - people doubted him because of his party boy attitude, but he was able to pass his exams with flying colours.

What is your character’s deepest regret? Not being there when Noel died to stop it from happening, and not being there to stop Briar from being kidnapped. It makes him sick to know that these things happened, and he wasn’t there to at least try and stop it from happening. 

What is your character’s deepest disappointment? Being a Thompson by name. It means he’s affiliated to Lilith and Morgana, which he’d rather not. 

What is your character reluctant to tell people? That he’s terrified of jellyfish? That he’s also thirty years old and is getting past the point where he wants to be out at 3am dancing, but he’ll still do it to keep up pretences. 

What is your character hiding from themselves? That he’s not 23 any more and has to slow down. He also wants to play it cool with Briar, but inside he really just wants to tell her that he loves her, and wants her to move in with him.

What makes this character angry? What calms them? People fucking with his family. Don’t do it. Just... don’t. Noel is probably the only person on the island who can calm him down when he’s that heated, because he knows him so well. 

List situations in which your character would not have control over themselves. Anything happening to his family, his friends, his girlfriend or his practice. If someone challenged his intelligence as well because of his personality, that would rile him up. 

How strong is your character’s emotions? Controllable? Uncontrollable? They’re quite uncontrollable at certain times, once he snaps, it’s hard for him to calm down. However, being a vet, he knows how to remain calm in stressful situations. Kinda. Well, no, actually, that’s a lie. That only works with animals and surgery. He’s a very unstable person. 

What wakes your character up in the middle of the night? Briar stealing the duvet - he cannot sleep when he’s cold, he’s a bit of a moaner about it to be fair. He hates being cold when he’s sleeping. Other than that, he sleeps like a log. Someone could break in and he wouldn’t hear a thing. 

Describe a recurring dream and/or nightmare. The Jellyfish nightmare? Erm, no ignore that, he doesn’t want anyone to know about that. Theres another one though. He’s a puddle that keeps being stepped in by people. He has no idea what he means, but he doesn’t like it. 

Describe your character’s family. His mother is the worst mother alive, period. His siblings are the best in the world. His half siblings are great. His cousins are amazing. He’s got a great, huge family in fact - just removed the previous generation, and they’d all be better off.

Name your character’s favourite person and why. Noel. Sorry Briar, but it is. His brother is his other half, with only a short amount of time between them in age, Finn and Noel are a pair that will never be broken up. He can’t remember a time that the two have ever seriously argued, not just over something petty, or in stressful situations. He’s just his best friend.

How many friends does your character have? Finn actually has quite a few friends! He’s a personable person, likes to chat and is generally very open and friendly, so he makes friends quite easily.

How many friends does your character want? As many as he can get! In Finn’s eyes, one can never have too many friends.

How would a friend or close relative describe your character? They’d probably just sigh and be like... well, he’s just Finn, isn’t he?

Who depends on your character? Why? Do the animals in the surgery count? They aways rely on Finn to be in every day (with Noelle’s help of course because he’d be absolutely lost without her) to feed them and make them better. He likes to think that his siblings depend on him too, but he also knows that they’re very independent people. @icarialex

Who does your character most want to please? Why? Obviously Briar - he’s a little bit, teensy tiny bit older than her and wants her to think that he’s a cool guy, and not just a thirty-year old weirdo that has a younger girlfriend. There is a slight worry in his mind that she’s going to find someone closer to her age and leave him, but he also knows that won’t happen. Probably.

How does your character feel about sex? Loves it. Here for it, all day, every day. Well, most anyway. He’s got to get up early to go to work.

How does your character feel about romantic relationships? Finn loves what he has with Briar. Before realising that he was falling for her, he was all up for sleeping around for the rest of his life following his failed wedding attempt. But she changed things up, didn’t she? Made his head do a 180, and he’s fallen hard.

If your character had to live in utter seclusion, what six items would they bring? Wait, so he can’t bring Briar or his family? Then he’s not going. He has to? Ugh, fine. A collection of Agatha Christie books, his hot water bottle (don’t even think about judging), a razor (to keep his hair and beard perfect of course), a sleeping bag, his comfiest hoodie (he’ll get it back off of Briar), and a guitar. May as well learn a new skill whilst he’s stuck alone.

What is your character’s most noticeable trait and most noticeable physical feature? His eyes are pretty blue, they’re quite striking. And he’s always got a smile on his face, showing that he’s a very open person who is always ready for a chat.

How does your character feel about work? Finn loves what he does. He gets to spend all day with animals, annoying the hell out of Noelle, and making them better again - he’s an animal hero, what’s not to love!

Write one headcanon. Finn’s three favourite movies are Titanic, Armageddon and Mary Poppins. Titanic is so emotional, what’s not to love, Armageddon has Bruce Willis saving the world, and JULIE MOTHER FUCKING ANDREWS in Mary Poppins, it’s magical. 

Write one additional thing about your character. He really does want to get a dog, but he’s worried about getting one because he’s seen what happens when dogs get sick, and couldn’t bear to love something and for it to get old in front of his eyes. It makes him sad.

[vtscasefiles]

Case File 563-7

Trigger warnings: blood, gore, death, infant death, guns, gun violence

[Editor’s note: this is one of VT’s shorter cases. It does not have a happy outcome. You have been warned.]

Case begun: 1/12/20**

Case concluded: 1/13/20**

Case locale: [REDACTED], Nevada

Marked as Closed

From the outset, this case stunk. Even Ramona had misgivings. She practically begged me not to go. “VT, there’s something wrong here. I don’t know what, but I just have this feeling.”

“It’ll be fine.” I’d assured her. “It’s a simple shakedown. It’s just a spirit. It’s nothing too insidious.”

Famous last words.

This case came to my from a friend of a friend. It was a simple haunting, the spirit was pestering a young family. Nothing a few sprinkles of blessed water and a liberal application of smudging couldn’t fix. Worst case, I’d have to exorcise.

Still, Ramona’s words bothered me, so I packed up a few extra goodies. Salt, my saint bone necklace (It’s only a toe bone, don’t ask where I got it.) and a few rounds of my most potent ammunition. I don’t want to say what it was made out of, due to the...questionable nature of how it was sourced. Point being that they’d deal with anything short of a god.

My friend, [REDACTED AT SUBJECT’S REQUEST], met me at the bus station. My car was out of commission, due to it being a piece of shit. Though [REDACTED] was more than happy to loan me their car.

I really wish I’d listened to Ramona.

I arrived at the client’s house around noon. They were a friendly enough couple. Due to ongoing SC investigation, I’m only going to refer to them as Husband and Wife. I could get in a lot of hot water if I put their names out there and someone fucked up the investigation.

Husband was tall-ish. Only a scant few inches taller than myself. He was your typical, hipster fella. Too tight pants, a band tee with a band he listened to “before it was cool” and a scruffy little beard with an overly manicured mustache. Wife was more my speed, though. Overalls, splattered with paint and a tank top. We love a handy lady.

They welcomed me graciously, introduced me to their newborn, who shall be known as Baby. She was a cute, little thing...even I could admit that and I hate babies. They scream, puke and shit, usually at the same time. Not for me, nope. Even so, I held the kid at their insistence and the girl just...stared. I couldn’t help but pull faces until the child started to laugh.

So, maybe “hate” is a strong word.

They took me to the room where their little spirit friend was causing the most havoc. It was to be Baby’s room. A crib settled in a corner, toys strewn around for the child’s amusement. A light fixture shaped like a unicorn.

Oh, and let’s not forget the words “HELP ME” painted on the wall in bright, yellow paint. Perfect décor for an infant, right?

“So, Husband.”, I’d said, turning to face him, Baby still in my arms. “We going for an escape pre-school motif or something?” he laughed a strained laugh.

“We didn’t have this problem when we moved in.” he said, rubbing at his eyes beneath the glasses that I don’t think he actually needed. “After Baby was born everything sort of...escalated.” he shuffled his feet and frowned. “We don’t want to move. We put a lot of work into our home, VT.”

“Well.” I said, foisting Baby off into Wife’s arms. “It might be a wandering spirit...might even be a kid. They tend to gravitate towards new parents, in hopes someone can help them. I’ll come back tonight to see if we can’t contact the spirit and figure out what’s going on.”

“Tonight might be...problematic. We have a little ceremony planned for Baby.” she said, smiling and dimpling in the *cutest* way. “All the neighbors will be there!”

You see where this is going now, right? Fuck, I wish I had.

“I mean, so long as it isn’t in this house. Large gatherings might upset the spirit.” I said, softly. Baby was already dozing in her mother’s arms. “If it has to be here, I can always come afterwards.”

They agreed and [REDACTED] had me drive them home before I took the car to their motel. I was scheduled for another walkthrough around ten, tonight. That gave me time to shower, check my gear, take a nap and check my gear, again.

Then it all went to hell.

It’s no secret that most PEs are riddled with ink. I’m no different, but all of mine are on my back and upper arms. It took time to learn which portion of my skin would react to whatever was in the air. 

The dead center of my back, right on top of the upper portion of my spine, lit up like fire. Usually, it’s a small, specific spot, but it felt like there were three or four of the small, inked runes lighting up at once. 

Necromancy.

Blood magic.

Demonic presence.

Those are the big three tattoos. If one of those goes off, I know I need back up. If all three go off...run. Just run. Necromancy in of itself isn’t a strictly forbidden art in the SC, but blood magic is. Demons, on the other hand...well, they’re just like other members of the SC. Some are good, some are bad and some...some need a hot lead injection right between the eyes.

That tattoo only lit up in the presence of a demon with evil on the mind. Feeling the pain in my back, my fight or flight responses kicked in. I strapped Peace to my thigh, shouldered my bag and made for [REDACTED]’s car.

I made it to the house at 9pm, a full hour before I was due. Cars were lined up down the block, so I just parked in a vacant driveway. I could apologize later. My phone jingled it’s clarion call and I answered immediately. I always answer Ramona as quickly as I can. “VT!” she was practically in the midst of a panic attack. “I was scrying and I had to call. VT, you need to come home now. Whatever case you’re on, drop it.”

“There’s a kid in there, Ramona.” I protested, eyes on the lit up windows of Husband and Wife’s home. “I can’t walk away.”

“VT, you don’t even like kids. And honestly...all I saw was blood. I hate to say it VT, but that child is probably -- “ “I know!” I shouted, the burning in my back getting all the more intense. “I know. Look, I know I don’t like kids, but that doesn’t mean I want to let one die. If there’s anything I can do, I have to do it.”

Ramona went silent, and I waited. “...I’ll pray to the spirits for your protection, VT. Come back to me alive, okay?”

“You got it.” I responded, my finger making for the screen to terminate the call. “Bye, Ramona.”

“Wait!”, her sudden shout stilled my hand. “Give ‘em hell.” I smiled and terminated the call.

The time for subterfuge and lockpicking had passed. I emptied a box of Elinor’s “special blend” into my pocket and checked Peace’s cylinder. Everything looked ready.

I bolted for the door and hammered on it. No answer. No sound beyond the door. I kicked, just next to the deadbolt and only got a wonderful jolting sensation that sent me limping and cursing in a circle. 

I wasted no time in stepping back to the street and running, full tilt, for the nearest window and diving straight through. I felt the glass slice open my arm as I covered my head for protection. 

I rolled across the carpet as I landed and came up with Peace in hand. Nothing. No one. The house was completely empty.

All of these houses were built the same, so it was a fair guess this place had both and attic and a basement. My leg still smarted, so the thought of climbing stairs up didn’t appeal, so I resolved to check the basement.

It’s always fucking basements.

The door was easy enough to find, right beneath the stairway to the second floor. It was locked, so with some creative ingenuity, I had it open.

[Editor’s note: Creative ingenuity means VT shot the lock off.]

The instant that door swung open it felt like someone had pressed a branding iron to my back. I ignored the pain and sprinted down the stairs, slamming into a wall as I reached the bottom.

The metallic scent of blood hit me with all the force of a sledgehammer to the nose. Corpses. Corpses everywhere. All in various stages of decomposition. I recognized Husband and Wife, not by their clothes, or faces...but by their hair. Wife’s golden mane of unruly curls and Husband’s stupid little manbun. (Why don’t they just call them buns for fuck’s sake?)

Every corpse in here wore the same robes, bore the same jewelry. I recognized the design. They worshiped Death. Not Elinor’s Death, the supposedly nice lady with the kid. They worshipped violent Death. 

They worshiped murder.

I fought valiantly to keep my dinner in as I saw what they’d had on the altar in the center of the room. I lost.

I couldn’t bring myself to unwrap the bundle that had no less than thirteen or fourteen daggers sticking out of it. The amount of blood on the altar told me, if the daggers didn’t, that they’d finished their sick little ceremony.

Baby was the sacrifice.

Human sacrifice has been a thing since the dawn of time. So has child sacrifice. It’s become taboo in the SC, due to the fact that pure innocence is a force so powerful that it often rages out of control. 

Doesn’t stop a few fuckwits from using it and dying for their trouble. I felt no sympathy, in fact I’d dearly hoped their deaths were slow.

“Do you want to kill them?” a voice, so sweet in my ear, practically lulled me straight to sleep. “See them suffer? I can make that happen. I can make every sick fuck out there pay for the wrongs they do.” it was my voice I was hearing. “We can slaughter them all. Val, we can -- “ That snapped me out of my daze. “Only my mother calls me Val.” I said, squeezing Peace’s grip. “And I hate that bitch.”

I turned and saw who’d been whispering. It was a mirror image of myself, albeit a perverted one. My features were too fine, too distinct. It was like someone took my face and stretched it over my bones. It smiled in a way that if I ever say that expression on my own face, I’d lay down on some train tracks and wait.

“What? You don’t want to make them suffer? They killed an infant, and for what? Power? To summon something they shouldn’t? C’mon, VT, we both know better.” the mirror me scoffed and threw up her hands. “You do this job because you like the blood.”

“Not really.” I said, conversationally. I knew what this was, this was what they’d summoned. After killing it’s summoners it still wanted more. There was only one way to deal with something as malevolent as this. Deprive it of power. “I do this job because it pays the bills and I was born into it. Plus, I just so happen to be very good at what I do.”

“Murdering living things? Banishing non-living things?” it asked, grinning.

“No. Dealing with trash like you that only exists to hurt others.” I smiled right back. “So, I suppose you could call me a glorified garbage woman.”

That pissed it off. It’s face warped into an unholy mask of fury and it lunged. When a demon takes on a form, it’s trapped with that form’s physical ability. The demon was just as strong as I was, with none of the training. Meaning it’d be dangerous, but manageable. 

It grabbed onto me and we both tumbled to the floor. Peace skittered away from my grip as the demon slammed it’s fists into my face. I felt my nose break and my lip split beneath the melee onslaught. It seemed to notice the gun and lunged off of me to make a wild grab.

I took my chance. The instant it’s weight left me, I made a wild grab for it’s hair and yanked. It screeched it’s rage and continued to paw for the gun as I mounted it’s shoulders and slammed it’s face into the concrete floor again and again and again. I couldn’t kill it, not with my bare hands. The more effort I wasted on the demon, the stronger it’d get. I shoved to my feet and aimed a hard kick to it’s ribs, leaning down to grab my gun. The demon was already on it’s feet, thick, black blood oozing across my distorted features. “Yes...yes...fight. Struggle. Feed me.”

“Nah.” I said, wiping my bloody, broken nose on my sleeve. “It’s garbage day, bitch.” I pointed Peace dead at the demon’s head and fired. My ears rung with Peace’s gunfire scream. The demon’s head was decimated and it’s true form started oozing out. A thick, gray mist that hung in the air and screamed. I couldn’t very well shoot that.

A demon can’t be killed. Some make physical forms for themselves, examples being incubi or succubi. Some take on forms of those they find aesthetically pleasing. Some take on the forms of their victims...but when the body dies, their true self escapes. The dingier looking the cloud, the more evil the demon.

And this bitch looked like pollution. 

I made for the stairs, determined not to let the demon try and slide it’s way into me. Possession is tricky enough to deal with, I didn’t want to cause another PE more trouble than they already had.

The second I topped the stairs I realized I’d made a mistake. Someone was already waiting.

And she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. Her skin was olive in coloring and flawless. Her hair hung about her like a veil made of pure shadow. Her eyes glowed an unearthly green, devoid of pupil. I barely even noticed that she was wearing a billowing robe that seemed to want to suck me in.

“Run.” I panted, trying to push past her to no avail. “Demon. Very angry demon.”

She smiled, softly and nodded “I know. Please, stand aside, VT.”

VT? She knew my name?

She brushed by me, leaving my skin like ice. I couldn’t move, speak or think. I don’t know how long I was standing there, staring into space. A horrifying screech pulled me from my hypnotic trance and sent me barreling down the stairs. The demon was trying to cling to the pipes that ran along the ceiling of the basement.

The woman was inhaling it. “Stop!” I shouted, grabbing her shoulder “It’s going to kill you!” she paid no attention, continuing her upsettingly long inhale. “Stop!” I shook her, but too late. The last of the demon had just vanished past her full, stupidly kissable lips. 

Fuck.

She coughed, swallowed and smacked her lips. “Unpleasant.” she said, rubbing her throat. “But slightly tangy.” she smiled and looked to me. “You’re covered in blood, will you be alright?”

I wiped the blood from my face and nodded. “Yeah, nothing serious. What...are you?”

The woman laughed and I felt my stomach drop. “Oh, silly, little girl...you know already, don’t you?”

That’s the first time in my life that being called a silly, little girl was a turn on. “No.” I whispered, softly. “I have no fucking idea.”

She laughed again and approached the bundle. One by one she pulled the daggers free. I take no shame in saying that I looked away. I just wanted to go home, at this point. When I was finally able to look back at the woman she held a baby in her arms. No. Not a baby. The Baby.

The bundle was still slack and bloody on the alter, but Baby was sleeping peacefully in this woman’s arms. Either I’d gone crazy or --  “Its her soul.” the woman said, conversationally. “It had been locked up in here as bait for the demon.” she caressed the infant’s cheek with a finger.

“No!” Husband’s voice sounded off like a gunshot. “No, you can’t do this to us! We command you.”

The room was packed. The robed figures were all standing atop their corpses, slowly approaching the woman still toying with the sleeping infant. Wife spoke next “She was our ticket to immortality! To godhood! You can’t stop us! We own you, now!” they weren’t paying any attention to me...and the woman wasn’t paying any attention to them.

A voice I didn’t recognize rang out “Kneel before your masters!”

That brought the woman from her trance. She didn’t look angry, only mildly annoyed. “Kneel? Own? Command?” she asked, frowning. “No one commands me, fools. I cannot be contained. I am not some dog on a leash.” she snapped her fingers and the spirits all dissipated with a clarion scream. “This is tiring.” she said, shaking her head. “It’s my granddaughters’ birthday party today, can I not get one hour’s peace?” 

“Who are you?” I asked, taking a step forward. “What are you?”

The annoyance fled her face and she smiled, sweetly. “I said you already know.”

The entire world dropped from beneath my feet. Primal fear exploded through my being as every atom of my being screamed at me to run. Run and never look back. “Death.”, I whispered, causing the woman to laugh. “Elinor’s Death.”

“I am everyone’s Death, child...but you may call me Isali.” she smiled. It was a smile only a mother could possess. “My...husband gave me that name. Isn’t it so strange. You exist for so very long by one name...and someone gives you another. One that you love with all of your being.” her eyes met mine “You know that well, don’t you...VT?”

VT. Ramona had given me that name and I’d latched onto it with all my might. “Yes.” I whispered, nodding slowly. “I do.”

“Do tell dearest Elinor I send my regards.” she said, enveloping Baby in her robes. “Oh, the corpses here have your payment for this job. You may empty their pockets, if you wish. I believe it shall more than cover your expenses.”

“Isn’t that...disrespectful?” I asked, feeling squeamish at the thought of looting corpses.

“Are you implying they are deserving of respect?” Isali asked, an elegant eyebrow raising. That was a fair point. I immediately started to rifle though the corpse’s belongings. She watched me, carefully as I did. “I must go. My granddaughters will be ever so upset if Grammy isn’t in attendance. VT, we will meet again.”

“Wait.” I said, pushing to my feet, still waring with that primal desire to bolt. “Elinor...Elinor said you have a son? How?”

She laughed, brightly and shook her head. “Love, child. Love.” she looked thoughtful for a moment then turned her back to me. “Come with me.” she took a step forward...and I followed.

The world went topsy-turvy, and my brain felt like a block of ice in my skull. When my feet stopped moving I was at Ramona’s bedside. Alone. I didn’t know how much time had passed, or if any had passed...but Death -- Isali, she knew what I wanted more than anything in the world at that moment. And gave it to me.

I pulled back the sheets to Ramona’s bed and crawled in next to her, snuggling up to her back and trembling. Even in her sleep, Ramona’s a caregiver. She rolled and threw an arm over me, squeezing me close. Come morning, she raised hell for my staining her sheets with my blood. Isali was never mentioned.

Case closed

[darkmasterkattsvault-arc]

Shifting Sands

Who: Joss Rose & Lena Luthor (@chaoticscribblings) ft. Kara & Alex Danvers

What: The day after a night out, Joss visits Lena to get the results of the MRI she ran on them. Shortly after receiving the results, Kara arrives after seeing a news article about Lena “dating Supergirl” angry about her keeping Joss from here. A fight breaks out between Joss and Kara, only escalated by Alex’s arrival. Eventually, after everything has settled, Lena takes Joss home to take care of them.

Notes: This was written on discord on a whim and not all of it is entirely formatted like a proper para. This is also long as fuck.

cos all I'm imagining is these idiots having a good time and someone realizing that Joss looks like Supergirl and just full on jumping to "Lena Luthor is dating Supergirl" and also the drama cos cue Kara Danvers bursting in and being like "Why didn't you tell me there was someone that looks exactly like me?" but also Lena's immediate reply being "how long did you keep your identity as Supergirl from me?" yep, that's exactly how it will go down or worse, Kara accuses Lena of making a clone Now I'm just imagining Joss showing up at the WRONG time, or like already having been there for something but had gone to the bathroom "I heard shouting, everything- Oh, so YOURE Kara." Oh god, can you imagine it being after the MRI and Joss being there to talk to Lena about what she found? Like, the first night out people report about Lena being seen on a date with someone. From there, they do the MRI, go out after cos they both need it, which is when someone realizes that Joss looks like Supergirl, cue the next day when Joss goes to see Lena to talk about it and BAM! Kara Poor Joss still trying to wrap their head around finding out there is something IN their head, and coming back from a freak out in the bathroom to Lena and Kara yelling at each other. Lena being told "You really are a Luthor" Joss jumping straight into fight mode that's just a bad idea all over lol Kara aka Supergirl Vs. Joss with inhibitors Lena yelling "Turn them off! Turn them off!" "If a bitch can't win a fight without using her powers then she's nothing worth anything to me." Lena's just there cringing and using her phone to try and figure out the fastest way to scramble the signal on the inhibitors next thing any of them known Alex is showing up, for similar reasons and Kara, because let's be real she wouldn't be too far behind oh God, Alex shows up Lena will be shouting "Turning the fucking things off! Shoot first. Remember?!"

The argument that ensues when the fighting eventually stops about them wanting to take Joss to the DEO. Lena - "Over my dead body"

"I feel like we shouldn't put that past them."

"You're not taking them so you treat them like your science lab project and dissect them and torture them with tests! No matter what you think of me, Joss is a living being, who until you showed up and started throwing accusations around, wouldn't start a fight with anyone. So, if you want to take them to the DEO, you better put a bullet in my brain because like hell am I going let you."

Joss just staring at Lena for a bit and then wrapping their arms around her. "And if you think I'll go easy if you shoot her, I can promise you now, I won't. Because I will turn off the inhibitors and I will fight as hard as I can, and I won't really care who gets hurt. Because I have worked too fucking long and too fucking hard in this life to just be another person. I'm not going into some fucking cage to be used as a lab rat or whatever else, without a fight."

Mind you I kinda imagine they've got a busted lip at minimum and are still refusing to turn the damn things off to heal

Joss at some point while everyone is arguing over what to do just being like "And I thought finding out I had space junk stuck in my head was going to be the worst part of today." in the most defeated fucking voice ever

I just imagine everyone in the room turning to look at them because "What did they just say?"

Lena just ignoring everyone else and being like, "We will fix it, I promise."

but also now I'm imagining Alex looking at Joss, probably curled in on themself, just looking fucking terrified and not being able to unsee every time she's seen Kara look like that which is what softens Alex about the situation a little

"If you're gonna keep arguing about what to do with me, can I at least call my roommate and tell him I might not be home tonight? He worries if I don't let him know."

"No one is doing anything with you. Whatever happens, is entirely down to you," shoots pointed glare at Kara and Alex, "but if you want to call Isaac, then do. You're more than welcome to stay with me tonight."

Joss just nodding and going out to the balcony, with their back to the windows, so no one but probably Kara hears them breakdown, even if it's written all over their posture.

Lena totally staring at Alex and Kara like she's going to throttle them before basically telling them to get out before she calls security. yep and before they even get the chance to protest she goes out to be with Joss Lena eventually reprimanding Joss for being an idiot tho

"Were you trying to get yourself killed?!"

"No, but if I'd used my powers, there would have been a bigger risk of destruction, a higher probability of you getting hurt. I wasn't going to take that chance. Not after you obviously risked so much to keep my secret safe. And I'm sorry, but she doesn't seem like such a good friend, because friends don't say shit like that, they don't go accusing people of being evil with zero basis."

"I'm a Luthor, that's basis enough for most." Inspects Joss' busted lip, "Are you going to turn your inhibitors off to let that heal or shall I go get some ice?"

"Well they're wrong. Names are nothing but sounds. If they can't distinguish you from your family then I don't think they know you." They sigh and run a finger under the hem of their shirt. "Isaac says thanks, by the way. For watching out for me. He's always worried that one day I'll be found out and I won't come home. Because aliens in this city go missing sometimes, wrong place, wrong time and they're gone and he's scared that'll happen to me. Now I guess his worries have a solid foundation."

"My brother tried to kill Superman, my mother keeps trying to kill Supergirl, why should I be any different? That's how people see me." She reaches for Joss' hand and gives it a gentle but reassuring squeeze. "That's not going to happen to you, you understand me? I won't let it happen and if for whatever reason I fail you and it does happen, you need to understand that I will come looking for you and that I will not stop looking for you until I find you and when I do I will make those responsible pay."

"Because you're Lena fucking Luthor, and everything you have ever done proves you are not the monster this world wants to make you out to be." They lean against her and squeeze her hand back. "Thank you, Lena. And, if you want, if it'll appease them, you can send them the results of the tests you ran. I have nothing to hide, from them or you or anyone. I can email you what I know about where I crashed, what was later found there. You can pass that on. Maybe they'll be able to make something of it all. At least more than I can."

"Yet you seem to be the only one of this world to see that." She let out a sigh, finding herself also leaning into Joss. "You don't need to appease anyone, Joss. I will involve them as little as possible, preferably not at all but their database has a far more extensive range of information surrounding what the material might be. Whatever they come up with, do not go anywhere with them without me, please. I want to oversee anything they do to make sure they don't try and do something they shouldn't. No matter what happens in all of this, I swear to you, I will keep you safe."

"And that is a loss for the rest of the world." They close their eyes for a bit. "Why are you so protective of me, Lena? Not that I don't appreciate it, I do, more than anything, but why risk so much for me?"

"I care about what happens to you. The thought of them locking you up in a cell fuelled by kryptonite which would not only render you powerless but also cause you pain is something that I cannot stand. They view you as a threat, as a thing to be experimented on, just because you look very much like Kara, they don't care that the only things you have in common are that you look alike and are both kryptonian. It makes me sick to think of them punishing you for something when there has been no wrong doing. They don't care about who you are, your passions, your life, you. I do. I care and I will not let them take away your freedom, your life, or that there are people that care about you."

"How can the world not see it? How genuinely good you are?"

Lena is suddenly fascinated by her feet

"Hey, my eyes are up here."

Lena reluctantly looks up, unsure of what she's supposed to say in response to the questions Joss had asked. Was she genuinely good? Was the world that blind? She had no idea anymore. Too used to being told that she was just like her brother and mother, she was just 'another Luthor' despite her best efforts to be anything but.

Joss smiled at Lena as she looked up at them. "You, Lena, are what the Luthor name should be known for. You have done so much good and received nothing but doubt and hate for it, and that is so wrong. Supergirl might be the hero of National City, but you are mine."

Lena felt like Joss had just hurled a boulder into her throat, she was speechless. Her vision blurred with the threat of tears. Instead of being just 'another Luthor' Joss saw her as what the Luthor's should be known be for. She wasn't the inadequate Luthor that would turn out like her brother or mother, she was Lena Luthor and she was what the family name should be known for. She reached up and gently cupped Joss' cheek, her voice straining as she uttered, "Thank you."

They smiled at her leaning so their forehead was resting against hers. "No, thank you. For keeping my secret. For agreeing to help me. For listening to me rant and rave about fashion. For taking time to go out and drink with me, even when I'm sure you had more important things to do."

"You listened to me rant and rave," she pointed out with a weak chuckle before adding, "if you think there was something more important to me than getting to spend time with you, you're wrong."

"Because watching me get drunk and eat entirely too many soft pretzel bites and wings is somehow as important as your work?"

"Did you miss the part where getting to spend time with you is important to me?"

"No, but it's hard to believe that you thought so that first time. I mean, c'mon, I'm not that special. You barely even knew me."

“I knew enough to know that I wanted to know more about you. Also, Joss, you are that special, even if you don’t realise it.”

"I guess I'm just not used to people wanting to know more. Spent so long keeping to myself. Head down, work hard, live a normal life. And then you and your Cyclone decided to pull me in."

“Lets be honest, it had nothing to do with me, it was all the Cyclone,” Lena smirked.

"No. It was you. The Cyclone was just bonus."

“Do you mean that?”

"You could have handed me any dress in need of repair and I'd have still asked you out."

Lena studied Joss’ face for a moment, searching for any indication that they were lying. A smile crossed her lips when she found no trace of deceit and closed the distance between them to press her lips softly to Joss’.

Joss was a little surprised by the feeling of Lena's lips on theirs, all too aware that their inhibitors were off and the ability to hurt her, even from something as simple as kissing back too hard. But they did it anyway, a little wary, and beyond gentle, arms wrapping fully around her to pull her just a little closer.

Lena smiled against Joss’ lips as she was pulled that little bit closer. She knew the inhibitors were off, which was why she wasn’t deepening the kiss, she knew Joss was wary of their strength. Yet, for someone who possessed unimaginable strength, they were so gentle. Her hand stayed against Joss’ cheek as she reluctantly pulled back, “So, about that ice for your lip...”

Joss licked their lip at the mention of it, the place where the split had once been completely healed. "All better, but if you're still worried, I hear kissing it better does wonders." They smirked but sighed. "Though I really want to get out of here. I'm really tired, L."

“Who knew I had a super power of my own?” Lena chuckled. Reaching up, she gently ran her fingers through Joss’ hair, “Let’s head home so you can get some rest. You’re not used to using your powers, I imagine it must be very draining.”

"Me." They smirk. "I'm not really used to getting the shit kicked out of me by a bar of steel with arms and legs, either. And that doesn't even cover the emotional shit today."

“Its been a day, that’s for certain.” She pressed another delicate kiss to Joss’ lips. “Let’s get you out here and into bed.”

"Mmhmm." They kissed back a little and sighed. "Just a warning, I might not stay there. It's rare but I can float in my sleep."

“That’s ok, I’ll make sure you don’t float away,” Lena promised, “I just care that you get some rest.”

"Thanks, L."

SJ09/13/2020 Lena smiled at her newly acquired monicker, “Come on, let’s get you to bed. I’ll cook us some dinner after you’ve had some rest, ok? But for now, let’s get out of here.”

"Lead the way."

time jump to Lean’s home

Lena led Joss through to her bedroom, “I’ll get you something that you can get changed into so you’ll be more comfortable,” she spoke as she moved around her room, retrieving shorts and a loose fitting shirt, “you get changed and I’ll go make us some tea, ok?”

"Thanks," they took the clothes offered to them. While they could have changed in an instant, they elected not to. If only because it gave them time to think, to process everything.

Lena left the room and set about her task, returning a few moments later with two mugs, to find Joss still in their clothes. “Hey,” she placed the mugs on the bedside table, moving over to Joss, “you ok in there?” she asked softly, her hand moving to tuck some fallen hair behind Joss’ ear.

Joss had managed to kick out of their shoes before the weight of everything had come crashing down on top of them. They hadn't even realized they'd zoned out until Lena had returned. "Everything is so loud," they mumbled.

“Ok,” Lena hushed, her mind working at a fast pace as she sought to relieve some of Joss’ discomfort. She moved to her bedside table and quickly retrieved some earplugs from the drawer. “They’re new,” she promised, “I keep them for flying. Put them in and come lay down with me. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”

They watched Lena for a few moments. They nodded with a quiet thanks as they took the earplugs and put them in before using their superspeed to change, figuring they might as well get it over with before they had time to zone out again. They then climbed into bed, still trying to focus their attention on one solid sound instead of the thousands that still reached them even with the earplugs in.

Once Joss was in bed, Lena kicked off her shoes and got in beside them and gently pulled them into her arms, she dare not say anything, afraid of added more noise. No, her purpose was to just be there and remain as silent as physically possible.

Joss curled against Lena, head against her chest, deciding the best sound they could focus on was the one below them. The sound of Lena's heart. Then Joss started humming. It was something they did almost nightly, an added way to block out the noise and soothe themself to sleep.

Lena smiled at the way Joss curled into her and pressed a barely their kiss to the top of their head. She listened as they hummed and held them tightly, thinking to herself of how she would deal with Kara the next time she saw her.

In time Joss would fall asleep, curling further into themself and away from Lena in the process, nothing about them was relaxed. Whimpering and moaning like they were injured or scared.

Lena couldn’t switch off. Her mind preoccupied with the dangers and challenges that Joss would face now that Kara and the DEO knew of their existence. It wasn’t until she was faced with the sudden lack of warmth from Joss curling away that she broke out of her thoughts. The moans and whimpers were heartbreaking and Lena could imagine what Joss was dreaming off, she was still uncertain of what exactly the fragments in Joss’ brain would impact besides their memory. “Joss,” she was careful in her movements, not wanting to startle Joss into consciousness. Reaching out Lena gently stroked the others cheek, “come back to me.”

Joss seemed to settle, if only a little, at the sound of Lena's voice, not quite coming back to consciousness but still shifting back towards her. Their body uncurled slightly at the hand to their cheek, long legs finding one of Lena's and tangling with it.

Lena noticed the way Joss seemed to settle at her voice, the way they had tangled their legs around one of her own as if grounding themselves despite still being asleep. "That's it," she uttered softly as she gently caressed their cheek, "use my as your anchor. You're safe. I'll keep you safe."

The more Lena soothed, the more Joss settled. Their body relaxed fully in time and when it did, Joss slowly started to hover. It wasn't much just enough to keep them off the bed, one of their feet still tucked securely securely under Lena's at the ankle, as if actually using her to keep them tethered.

Lena was in awe as Joss levitated from the bed and moved to bring her other leg around to secure the foot beneath her ankle further. She continued to speak softly, for whatever reason it was obviously soothing the kryptonian. "You weren't kidding about floating in your sleep, but that's ok. You keep floating. I'm here. You can float like a kite and I'll be string, I'll make sure you don't float away."

And that's what Joss did. They floated and slept, occasionally thrashing and whimpering but always settling when their foot caught on Lena's ankles.

Eventually, they dropped back to the bed as they started to stir. A sleepy smile crossed their face as they looked over at Lena, flexing the foot still caught in her ankles.

Every time Joss would show any sign of disturbed sleep, Lena would reach up and stroke their cheek, quietly uttering words of unimportant things.

"Hi floaty," Lena greeted softly, as Joss returned to earth, "I suppose you'd like your foot back?" she chuckled. "You feeling any better now that you've had some rest?"

Joss chuckled a little, burying their face in the pillow for a few moments. "Y'can keep it, if ya want," They mumbled, voice a little rough. "Yeah, things aren't as loud." Joss did get used to their powers the more they left the inhibitors off, able to tune things out, focus easier, but they so rarely let it happen and especially not while away from their own home.

Lena grinned, "Good, because I wasn't planning on letting you have it back yet." She moved her foot along Joss' ankle to prove her point. "That's good," she was genuinely glad that things had quietened for Joss, she couldn't imagine what it must be like to be able to hear everything at fully volume all the time, it sounded like something that could drive an individual to insanity. "What were you dreaming about?" she asked softly, "There were moments where it seemed like you were trapped in a nightmare."

They laughed a little as Lena spoke and the way she moved their ankle. At the question about what they were dreaming of, they shrugged. "I never remember much. Sometimes if my inhibitors are on I'll remember pain, darkness, fire. I think it's the crash. Feeling like I can't breath, like I have to get out, but I can't. But, normally, I don't know. I don't remember. Sometimes, though, I'll remember a song, a lullaby. It's engrained in my memory but I don't know the words, I can't understand them. With it comes the shadow of a woman in a cloak. Always watching, leaving things, but I never know where I am or what's actually happening."  They sighed. "And sometimes I just feel anger, hatred, towards people I don't know. Names, especially, bring it to the surface. Or things I see. The first time I saw that crest the Supers wear. I wanted to burn it, like it'd done me wrong. But I'm not that kind of person. Hell, even today with Kara... I don't know if it was just what she'd said or who she was. All I knew was that I was angry and I hated what she said I wanted her to hurt for that, for treating you that way. For thinking she's so much better."

Lena listened intently, it certainly sounded like Joss got the briefest glimpse of memories during their dreams but they were so brief that they couldn't process the scenario in order to be able to understand it and the feelings attached to it. "I'm going to do everything I can to help you get your memories back," she promised as she placed a hand on Joss' chest, "I will help you find the reasons behind these things that you can't understand because you don't have access to all of the information. As for the things that Kara said..." a defeated sigh left her lips, "she is better than me and she's not the only one to think that I'm going to to follow in my families footsteps. You can't fight everyone that thinks those things about me."

They smiled at Lena, covering her hand with their own. "Stop talking like that. She is not. Anyone who can say they're a friend and yet jump to such horrid conclusions without proof, are no better than the very conclusions they jump to. That bullshit she spouts about Hope, Help, and Compassion for all is just that, bullshit. Empty lies, because if you can't look at your so-called friend and see the good they have done, despite it all, you're nothing but a hypocrite." The huffed, moving to curl up against Lena again.

Lena wrapped her arms around Joss and pressed a kiss to the top of their head. "Hypocrite or not, you still can't fight her for the way she thinks about me. Especially when you have your inhibitors turned off." She moved to rest her head atop of Joss' as she moved her legs to entangle the others with her own. "You could've been seriously hurt..."

They sighed, burying their face in the crook of her neck. "What good is someone if the only battles they fight are with their powers? How can they say they know how to protect people?" Joss honestly didn't care about getting hurt, they knew, in time they'd heal. That they could turn the inhibitors off, but they also knew they were reckless with their powers and the idea of accidentally hurting Lena because they were trying to fight with their powers wasn't something they could handle the thought of.

"Kara will realise in time, she always does," Lena uttered, "she's just not as on the ball as you are when it comes to knowing whether I'd follow in my brothers footsteps or not." She brought a hand to the back of Joss' head and began to idly run her fingers through their hair. "Please don't fight her, Joss. With or without your powers. There are some things that you can't heal from and the DEO almost always has access to those things and they have very little issues with using them." She had seen what the DEO were capable of, she wasn't going to let them do anything to Joss. She cared too much about them to let anything like that happen to them. "I can't let them hurt you."

"And yet she's known you longer." Their words were almost bitter, the idea that someone could know Lena as long as Kara had and yet still looked at her like she'd snap and become her brother. That was the kind of thing that made lesser people do such things. "Fine, I won't, but that doesn't change that I would. If she ever..."  Joss sighed, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Lena's neck.

"Kal-El is her cousin, my brother attacked him, numerous times," she sighed, "I'm not saying that excuses her, but her opinion of me has been tainted from the start. Yours never has been. Your opinion of me is entirely your own." Lena pulled away slightly after the kiss to her neck, "Look at me," she gently guided Joss to look up her, "Kara and so many others will always see me as nothing but another Luthor and I can't change that. The only person that I care what they think about me, is you."

Joss grumbled as Lena explained. It shouldn't matter. Lena wasn't Lex. It would be like saying Chris should want to go into costuming because Joss did. Or, given the apparent relation between Kara and Joss, that Joss should want to be a hero. Everyone has the capacity to be good, if given a chance it seemed the Supers and the rest of the world refused to give Lena that chance. They looked at her, still frowning as Lena spoke. Though they couldn't help but smile, leaning in to press a kiss to her lips. "And I think you are so much better than you think you are, because you're still listening to everyone who has said you aren't good  enough. I'm gonna change that." And they meant it. They would get Lena to see just how good she was, how amazing, because she deserved that more than anything.

"Well, everyone has been saying it for a long time," Lena began, "it might mean that you have to stick around a while." She smiled, as her her eyes darted about Joss' face, it was obvious that Kara and Joss were identical twins, even a high school dropout could reach that conclusion but the more Lena looked at them, the more she could see just how very different they looked despite being identical. "You might have kryptonian powers, but I think your super power is the way you see people."

"Well, I already planned to stick around, so you'll just have to get used to me telling you how amazing you are." They pressed another kiss to Lena's lips. "Get it from my mama. To look at the big picture of a person. So someone like you, you've got a bad family, people who hate and despise everyone including you, but then you go out of your way to be different. You choose to put money and effort towards the good. To help people. To heal and repay a debt you don't owe on, but feel you do. You have every reason to just give up and be who everyone says you are, yet you don't. You keep fighting and you keep doing good. That is what makes you good. That is what makes you better than so many others."

Lena smiled against Joss’ lips, knowing that they planned on sticking around made her happy. “Your mama raised an incredible individual.” It was very rare that Lena found someone who could see her for who she was, and those she did have like that lived on another planet. She didn’t have words to reply to the kind words, so instead she pressed her lips firmly against the ones in front of her and let the kiss convey her feelings.

Joss kissed her back with a smile before pulling away. "M'sorry to cut this short, but you mentioned food earlier and uh... I kinda haven't eaten today... Was gonna do that after I saw you, and then well... shit hit the fan."

"You haven't eaten?!" Lena lightly slapped Joss' arm. "Naughty J," she she chuckled before pressing another kiss to Joss' lips, "ok," she pulled away, "I said I'd cook for you, so let's go see what I actually have in the kitchen that's worth cooking, hm?"

"I was nervous, okay. I wouldn't have kept it down." And it's true. They'd honestly been beyond worried about the results and it seemed they had every right to be. "Why do I have a feeling we're about to order take out?" They teased as they untangled themself from Lena, even if they really didn't want to, they needed food and letting Lena get up was required.

"Ok, I take it back," Lena smiled briefly before she feigned offence, "Are you saying that I can't cook?" She sat up reluctantly, "Perhaps I should just offer you a crust of bread and some water," she threatened playfully.

"No, I'm worried you spend so much time at the office you're not home long enough to have groceries, or at least enough to cook for a Kryptonian." They gently poked her side playfully.

"Nice save," Lena laugh as she moved to stand up. "Ok, you may have a point on that one. I usually only cook for myself and because I spend so much time at the office I don't keep anything fully stocked." The more she thought about, the more she realised that even if she did have food in the house, it wouldn't be enough to feed a kryptonian. "Ok, fine. Take out this time. Just no pot stickers, ok?"

"There was no saving! Who offers to cook for someone if they can't?" Joss sat up, watching Lena move. They smirked a bit when she conceded that they were right. Though their eyebrows momentarily scrunched when she said no potstickers. "What's your opinion on Indian? Cos I could go for some lamb curry right about now." They wanted warm and comforting and a little spicy and curry was the perfect thing.

"Hey, I can cook! I just forgot the part where you're kryptonian and could eat a whole horse." It was true, she knew that she had enough food to throw together a light meal or whatever but there's no way she could feed a kryptonian. "I think that sounds like an excellent idea. Do you know a place or should I grab my laptop so we can hunt one down?"

"Exactly." They smiled, nodding a bit when she asked if they knew of a place. "I have them on speed dial... Wherever my phone is." They couldn't even remember what article of clothing it'd been in, provided they'd even had it in a pocket at all. They'd been so drained, they weren't even sure they'd grabbed it off the table in Lena's office.

"Do you know the number or just have it on speed dial?" Lena asked as she reached for her phone, as her eyes scanned the pile of clothes on her floor for any indication of Joss' phone, "You can call from my phone?" she suggested.

"Uh, mostly just have it on speed dial. It takes A LOT for me to memorize stuff." Sure, once they had something memorized it was stuck but actually committing things to memory was hard. They worked exceptionally hard to memorize things but when they could do something like leave a number in their phone they did.

"Well, that's not particularly helpful," Lena chuckled as she put her phone back on the bedside table and bent over to retrieve the clothes off the floor. "I'd like to point out that I am in no way suggesting that you put these back on," she spoke as she turned to put the clothes on the bed, "but I don't know how comfortable you'd be with my rummaging through your pockets."

Joss just shrugged. They laughed a bit. "I mean all you'd find is my wallet, my keys, and hopefully my phone." Joss was pretty minimal when it came to what they carried on a regular basis. "Oh and a mini sewing kit." Even still, they grabbed their clothes and started rummaging through their pockets, thankful when the last thing they pulled out was their phone. "And it's nearly dead..." Because of course it was. "So, we'll still need to use your phone."

"I'm not worried about what I'd find in your pockets," Lena laughed as she climbed onto the bed and sat on her haunches as she watched Joss search for their phone, "I trust you. I just respect you enough to not go searching through your things without your permission." Of course there phone was almost dead, that was always the way, turning almost awkwardly, she reached behind herself and grabbed her phone from beside the bed and offered it to Joss, "Here.

They smiled when she explained herself. "That's nice to hear, honestly." While they definitely didn't have minded her doing so, it was nice she respected them enough to not do so. "Thanks." They took her phone and put in the number, taking the liberty to save it into her contacts, just in case. They then dialed the number.

"Hey, yeah, this is Joss. Yeah, I need my usual and, hold on," they looked at Lena, "What do you want?"

Lena’s eyebrow arched when it became apparent that Joss was on a first name basis with the takeaway but quickly scolded herself because she may as well own shares in the place her and Kara always order from.

“Double up on yours,” Lena replied, “and a naan bread please.” Indian was not Indian without naan bread. It had been a long time since she’d had Indian and she hadn’t ordered from this place before so she was putting her tastebuds in Joss’ hands.

Joss chuckled a bit as Lena gave her answer. "Another lamb curry and another thing of naan. Mmhmm, actually make that two more curries. Yeah. Uh, different address," They waited for Lena to give them the address and relayed it to the person on the other end of the line.

Once everything was confirmed they hung up and held the phone out to Lena. "Maybe half an hour. They're closer to you than they are to me, apparently. Or it's a slow night and they actually have enough made to fill the order without needing to make too much more. Probably both." There was a reason Joss was on a first name basis with the place, they spent a lot of money everytime and they also genuinely enjoyed the food.

Now that the food was ordered, Lena suddenly realised they had the problem of drinks. Not because she was in short supply, she actually had a pretty extensive collection of wines, whiskeys, and a few others she had been gifted over the years through business deals, it was just that she had absolutely nothing in the way of alien alcohol. "So I know human alcohol has no effect on whatsoever," she spoke as she accepted her phone back, "but would you like a glass of wine or anything like that with dinner?"

"I'll have whatever you're having. It's likely for the best I don't have anything that can effect me tonight, as is." They liked getting tipsy, they enjoyed being drunk to an extent, but with the way their head was, emotions still trying to process, being held at bay merely by distractions, the last thing they needed was alcohol. "Thanks again, for everything you've done. You didn't have to, but I'm grateful you did."

"I was going to have a glass of wine but I don't like the idea of me getting to take the edge off of today when you can't," Lena admitted. It had definitely been a day and had she been alone she'd probably be starting her second bottle by now, which granted, wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism in the world but it helped. At least that's what she would tell herself. "What on earth are you thanking me for?" Lena asked incredulously, moving so that she was closer to Joss and placed a hand on the others, "You were the one that defended me, it should be me thanking you."

"Me trying to take the edge off would probably need a run around the entire city. Even if you had something here that would effect me I know for a fact it wouldn't end well. You're allowed to take the edge off, even if I can't." They smiled at her as she moved over to them. "I'm thanking you for taking care of me. For trusting me enough to let me into your home, your private space. For watching over me. For being my anchor. You didn't have to do any of that. You could have sent me on my way home. You could have handed me off to the DEO. You chose to protect me. That is why I'm thanking you, along with a million other reasons from just today."

"You fought someone who has honed their powers, you used your powers despite the fact that it goes against the way you live your life," she spoke softly, "you did that to defend me and you didn't have to. You really think I'd hand you over to the DEO? Let them conduct their little experiments to prove what I was able to learn in our first meeting?" Lena shook her head, "Not in this lifetime. I took care of you because I wanted to, because I care about you and I don't see that changing so you had better get used to me watching over you when you need to recover, to keep you anchored so you can rest. I may not have kryptonian powers but I will do my very best to protect you and keep you safe."

Joss wrapped their arms around Lena pulled her closer. "And those are things worth being thanked for. Just because you're used to doing things without thanks doesn't mean you don't deserve that thanks. And I fully intend on thanking you for the things you do for me. Because it is the easiest thing and it is the least, I can do." They leaned in and placed a soft kiss to Lena's lips.

Lena wrapped her arms around Joss' neck, "I will tell you repeatedly not to thank me, you do realise this?" she chuckled. "But, if a kiss accompanies every thank you, I'm not going to complain it," she admitted as she pressed her lips to Joss'.

Joss smiled into the kiss. "So you're stubborn, there are fabrics harder to work with than you." They teased. "And even the hardest of fabrics will soften in time, and if kisses are what it takes with you, well..." Joss kissed her again with a grin. "That's easy."

Lena laughed, "You say that now, you've yet to encounter me in a bad mood." She smiled at the kiss and found herself wondering if this is what it felt like to be truly trusted, that being with another person could be easy and relaxed. "Thank you," her words were sincere, "not for today, although obviously I am grateful for that, but thank you for seeing me and not my family."

"I'm sure I can handle it, L." Everyone had a right to bad moods and in time they were sure they'd see Lena's. They might even be the reason, though they prayed not often. It was what one did when said bad moods arose that mattered and Joss was willing to find out what it took to handle those. As she thanked them they shook their head. "It pains me that, something as simple as seeing you as your own person is something you see the need to thank me for."

Lena moved a hand to Joss' cheek and studied their face, "Please don't feel pain for me, not over this." She had dealt with feelings of inadequacy since the moment she moved in with her father and his family, she had dealt with never ending judgement since then. It was what had built her, shaped her into who she was now, it was what made her strive to do better than her best, it was what pushed her to go further than her limits, it was what made her persevere whenever she encounter challenges, it was the reason she never gave up without a fight. It was also the reason for many nights of crying herself to sleep out of sheer loneliness and the inability to make a connection with another where they saw Lena and a Luthor.

"L, no one deserves to feel so invisible the idea of someone seeing them for themself is worth thanking them." They pulled her even closer so she was properly standing between their legs. "You are the most amazing woman I have met, except for my mama, and even then, you give her a run for her money."

Lena wasn't entirely sure how to respond so she rest her face against Joss' collarbone. No one had ever taken the time to see her like this, not truly. The closest she had come was Sam but with Sam living on Argo Lena found herself once again alone. Kara kept secrets and always second guessed her motives. It was Alex's job to question her motives given Lex's past with Superman. More often than not, Lena was a business woman or 'another Luthor' and nothing more. "Don't let your mama hear you say that," she joked, her voice strained with emotion.

One of their hands moved to Lena's head as her face fell against their collarbone, hooking a finger gently into the ponytail holder keeping her hair up in what had to be an unholy tight ponytail. Slowly they worked  it out, letting long ebony hair fall free, slipping the band around their wrist. they then began to run their fingers through her hair. "I think my mama would be honored that someone who has struggled so much and done so much good is being compared to her."

At first Lena wasn't sure what Joss was doing but when her hair was set free she let out a sigh of relief as some of the tension was eased around her skull. As fingers began to run through her hair, she found herself pressing herself further against Joss and allowed herself a moment to let her guard down and bask in the feeling of safety. She wanted to argue that she hadn't struggled, that she was beyond privileged but she knew the moment she did she would break the calm she was currently revelling in, that she would revert to being on guard so she remained silent.

Joss hummed quietly as their fingers continued to run through her hair. It was nice, honestly, just being there, existing with her. As much as the day had stressed them out, they couldn't help but find themself relaxing as their fingers moved through her hair. There was just something so soothing about her presence.

Lena listened to Joss hum, content to stay exactly where she was and let Joss care for her. Joss allowed her to be herself, it was ok to be fragile because she trusted Joss not to break her. The longer she stayed as she was, the more she could feel herself letting go of the days tensions and actually beginning to relax. Which was both a good thing and a not so good thing, as she relaxed she became of just how tense she had been from the ache in her muscles. "So much better than wine," she murmured softly.

Joss chuckled a little as she said it was better than wine. "Better than wine and all they're doing is running through your hair. You should feel what else I can do with them." They weren't sure if they'd meant to say that, but they were definitely sure they hadn't meant for it to come off as inappropriate as it probably did. Even still, they just let their fingers keep moving through her hair, hoping if they didn't point out the innuendo it'd pass by, because they might be at kissing but they definitely were not at where their comment could lead.

Lena had to bite her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing at the obvious innuendo. Neither of them were ready to go there yet, at least she wasn't. "Is that your way of letting me know that you're a masseuse as well as a tailor?" she lightly teased before continuing, "I'm serious though. Given the choice between a glass of wine and being like this with you, this is what I would choose."

Joss let out a breath they'd been holding when she went the way Joss had definitely meant it. "I mean, not certified or anything, but I'm not bad. Or so Isaac tells me."  They smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I like being like this too." Lena's phone went off and Joss sighed. "I think that's the food, and unless you want to risk your neighbors seeing me barely dressed, I need to get up and put pants on.

“You’ll have to prove that to me one day,” she chuckled, content against Joss. When her phone disturbed their peace she was angry at it, until she realised it was that their food had arrived. “Or,” Lena pulled back, “you can stay all relaxed and comfy and I’ll go answer the door.” She was still dressed as it was, she didn’t see the need for Joss to have to get changed again unnecessarily. “Besides,” she chortled, “if my neighbours see you I might get accused of hiring Supergirl to be maid.” And as funny an accusation that would be, Lena really did not want to deal with Kara on her back over it.

"I can definitely do that." They chuckled a bit. "You gonna forge my signature, L?" They teased with a raise of their eyebrow and a tilt of their head. As much as it'd be easier if Lena did so, there was still the signature on the receipt to worry about. "I mean, the press already thinks you're dating her, isn't that how we got ourselves into this mess? I'm sure your neighbors can take their guesses off that.

"It wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of forgery," she laughed. Lena knew that Joss had a point and despite being accused of forgery, it wasn't something she did. She let out a scandalous gasp, "Supergirl in bed with the sister who's brother tried to kill her cousin!" Her face split into a grin, "Kara would LOVE that." She pressed a kiss to Joss' lips, "Fine, get dressed and go scandalise the neighbours and I'll go get things ready."

Joss rolled their eyes as she said she'd been accused of forgery, because of course she had been. They were starting to wonder what, besides being a genuinely good person, she hadn't been accused of. "I mean, weirder things have happened." They chuckled as they stood. "And she can't even prove them wrong without having giving answers about me she doesn't have." They kiss Lena back with a grin. "I'll only be slightly scandalizing them with pants on, so... could be worse?" And like that they were slipping back into their pants, not even really bothering to take off the shorts, since the shirt was long enough to cover anything left open, grabbing their wallet, and heading out to get the food, barley remembering to put their shoes on.

They returned moments later, both arms full of bags of food. "I come baring curry, lots and lots of curry."

While Joss went to retrieve their food, Lena left to go grab some plates and cutlery as well as two wine glasses, a bottle of wine and a couple bottles of water. Ordinarily she wasn't a fan of eating in her bedroom, but she was quite enjoying just hanging out there with Joss, it wasn't something she'd ever really done.

"Good lord," she exclaimed through laughter, "that is a LOT of curry." It was a good thing Joss was kyrptonian otherwise Lena had no idea how they would manage to consume so much curry between just the two of them. "Would you like to put a film on while we eat?" she asked.

Joss chuckled, setting the bags down with a grin. "I'm hungry, and more so than usual. That's what happens when you don't eat all day and you're an alien." They smiled. "So, most of this is lamb. There should be one box of chicken though, if you want some of that. As for a film, I don't really care either way. So, if there's something you want to watch we can."

"I'm almost certain that all kryptonians are genetically predisposed to a high metabolism that is the human equivalent of high doses of methamphetamines," Lena teased. "It all smells incredible but lamb is the best meat. I'm quite happy just to have dinner and enjoy your company."

"That wouldn't surprise me any." Joss grabbed one of the containers and handed it to her. "I mean, you know this and I know this, but heaven forbid Isaac accepts that." They set out one of the orders of naan as well before taking off their pants and settling onto the bed with a container for themself

"Oh no," Lena chuckled, slipping off her shoes, Lord only knows why she bothered to put them back on, before joining Joss on the bed, "do I even want to know what Isaac thinks is the best meat?" If the response was chicken she was going to make a point of taking Joss and Isaac out for dinner and introducing Isaac to the way that lamb is supposed to be cooked.

Joss chuckled. "For curry? Chicken. In general, he's a beef guy. Though, when we lived in Pittsburgh I introduced him to the glory of the bison burger, so that's something at least." Isaac was a really picky food person so when Joss could expose him to new food they did. He didn't usually like it, but he at least humored them, which they appreciated.

If she rolled her eyes any harder at the response it would've actually caused her physical pain. "That's just unacceptable,"  she stated as she reached for her naan, "that boy is in need of serious educating and I plan to do just that. Chicken the best meat for curry," she scoffed.

"I have been trying to do that since we moved in together at 18. He's got a lot of aversions to textures when it comes to food so he's really picky. He'll try stuff but he's not liable to like it." Joss chuckled a bit. "His parents were honestly always amazed at how willing to try new foods I was, especially how much I love veggies. Like, don't get me wrong I will gladly dip bacon in chocolate and deep fry it, but on any given day I will eat my weight in fruits and veggies. Hell, the day I told them I'd gotten him to even try bison and that he liked it, I thought they were going to faint.”

"He can be as picky as he likes, I'm still taking you both out to dinner," Lena countered. As she listened to Joss talk about their love of foods, she couldn't help but wonder if they ever dreamt of the foods from their home planet. "Do you have any memory of the foods from home?" she asked softly, "Do you ever dream of them?"

"You won't hear any arguments from me. But if we also end up at Taco Bell after, don't say I didn't warn you." They sighed at Lena's question, digging into their food for a while. "No. If it's not nightmares it's disjointed memories of people."

"If we end up at Taco Bell I've done a very poor job." Lena regretted asking the question as a wave of guilt washed over her, she knew that it was hard for Joss and yet she had asked anyway, the scientist within her not knowing when enough was enough. She reached out, lightly touching Joss' elbow as she apologised, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

Joss smiled at Lena at her words. "It's fine, L. I don't know if I'd want to remember stuff like that anyway. This planet has been the only home I've ever known. What kind of tragedy might be brought down on my head."

"Do you want me to stop searching for ways to remove that fragment?" Lena asked in all seriousness, "I mean, providing that it's not going to cause you any future problems. If you'd rather continue your life with those years left blank then I will stop looking into it but I need you to tell me, Joss. At the end of all of this, all I really care about is that it's not causing you any harm."

"I don't know. This thing obviously healed into my brain somewhere that effects my memory, and if removing it could help with that, I can't say it wouldn't be worth it. My long term memory sucks." Their short term memory was excellent which meant they could usually remember something long enough to write it down but once it was written down, the likelihood of remembering it without extra effort was slim. Putting names to faces was probably the easiest thing to submit to long term memory.

"Ok," Lena nodded, internally feeling relief as she was genuinely concerned about the long term repercussions of having a foreign objected imbedded in the brain for such an extensive period of time, then there was the matter of the material itself. "Guess in the meantime now would be the best time to make all of mistakes so that you don't remember?" she lightly teased.

Joss chuckled, bouncing their shoulder gently off hers. "You'll make mistakes later. So will I. Nothing wrong with making mistakes, L." They rested against her a little as they ate. "Wouldn't want you perfect anyway. That'd be no fun."

"Perfection is scientifically impossible." Lena broke into a smile, she was used to be scolding for mistakes and here Joss was embracing them and celebrating them. "I genuinely hope I never get used to things you say," she admitted, "I don't want there to ever come a day where I take it for granted."

"To be fair, they said the same about turning lead to gold. It might be radioactive gold but they technically did it." Joss pointed out with a gentle laugh. They smiled at her when she said that she hoped to never get used to the way they spoke. "Even if you do, it will be just as genuine then as it is now."

"Which just goes to prove my point about perfection being impossible, they turned lead into gold but it was flawed. Although I do suppose that depends on ones definition of flawed. If the intention was to create radioactive gold then you could consider it a success and my point proven to be invalid but given that the market for radioactive gold these days isn't exactly thriving I would as so bold to make the assumption that it is indeed a defect and a flawed result." Lena smiled at Joss' words, "Promise?"

Joss chuckled, head on her shoulder. "Just means that in time it could be proven true. But I still think it'd be boring." They hummed a bit, holding up their pinkie. "I will even pinkie promise you on it."

"Let's hope that it is never proven true. We wouldn't want life to be boring," she chuckled softly. Lena's eyebrow quirked in curiosity when Joss extended their pinkie towards her, "Pinkie promise, hm?" she linked her pinkie with Joss' and gave it a shake, "And what happens if you break it?"

"That we would not." They smiled as she took their pinkie and gave it a shake. "The truest kind of promise and... if I ever break it, you are allowed to have someone toss me into the sun or kill me, or whatever kind of destruction of my person befits what I was disingenuous about. Or you can just punch me. I don't know, you don't seem the possibly murder a person type."

"Murder does seem a little extreme, " Lena chuckled, "if you ever reach the point of hurting me that much I'll just let Lex loose on you, that way I don't get my hands dirty," she finished laughing before pressing a kiss to Joss' lips.

They laughed, leaning into the kiss. "Am I allowed to give him absolute hell before I let him deal with me?" Their question was honest, because they would happily do so, after everything Lena's family had done to her.

“You’re asking my permission?” Lena asked in all amusement. She knew how Joss felt Lex, she knew Joss would gladly knock Lex into next week for what he had put Lena through. It was strange still to have someone that was genuinely protective of her and not because she was investment in something but because they saw her. “In all honesty I highly expect you’d kick his ass anyway.”

"Well, yeah. In this context I'll have done you wrong, by all means you'd owe me nothing but my own pain, not the satisfaction I'd receive from giving him just a fraction of what he truly deserves." They pressed a kiss to her lips. "I know I could take him, which is also why I'm asking."

Lena laughed and pressed a kiss to Joss’ lips. “It reallt bothers you, doesn’t it? The things that Lex has done over the years.”

"Yeah, it does." They sighed. "Your family treated you like you were nothing. You were a child and they neglected you and you can't tell me they didn't. Emotional neglect is still neglect. Treating you like you weren't as amazing as you are isn't how you raise a child. There is so much proof of that. And for fucks sake you lost your mother before getting tossed into all that like nothing had even happened to you... I fucking can't stand it."

Lena was a little taken back from the outburst, “It’s ok,” she soothed as she reached for Joss’ hand, “if they weren’t the way they were with me, I could’ve ended up like them and I am so grateful that I’m not like them. To be fuelled by greed and hatred? Can you imagine living such a life?” She kissed Joss sweetly, “I’m not condoning what they did or saying it never had an effect on me but if I hadn’t turned out the way I am now, do you really think you’d be in my house right now? That you would want the Lena Luthor they wanted me to be?”

Joss sighed as Lena spoke. "Had they the decency to treat a grieving child as a grieving child worth loving, I'd bet money the Luthor name might actually hold a better association." They pressed another kiss to Lena's lips. "It won't stop my anger about it, because all of that doesn't even cover the fact they've tried to kill you. But if I spend that anger showing you everything about you worth so much more than they have told you, then so be it. Self love can be the greatest act of rebellion, afterall." They tucked a strand of Lena's hair behind her ear with a smile. "And no one deserves love more than you.

Lena sat silently, dumbfounded by Joss' words. Her brain desperately trying to process the sincere kindness and true belief behind them. No motive. No buttering her up before asking for a large 'donation', no telling her she's wonderful to get her to cooperate to help save the world, just pure genuineness. To say it was a shock to her system was an understatement, despite the fact that Joss repeatedly said kind things about her. Lena had endured a lifetime of negativity and to have someone turn that on its head and actually mean the things they were saying. On top of that, Joss defended her, even if just in conversation about her family, Joss always came to her defence. She pressed a lingering kiss to the lips in fronts her and murmured against them, "Thank you."

Joss smiled softly at Lena, running their hand gently through her hair. "Of course, L." They pressed back in for another kiss. Joss knew the road to Lena seeing just how amazing she was, was bound to be a long one, but they didn't mind. She deserved to not only be told such things but to believe them herself and that's what Joss was out to do.

Lena found herself leaning into Joss' touch, something so simple as fingers moving through her hair meant more to her than she could explain. Probably because she felt sincerity in Joss' touch as well as their words. "You should eat before your food goes cold," she uttered quietly, "you need to regain your strength."

Joss sighed as Lena spoke about them needing to eat. They were definitely aware of this fact but it didn't really mean they wanted to pull themself away from her to do so.  "I mean, you've got a microwave, and when you eat as much as I do a lot of food tends to go cold anyway. M'used to it." They shrugged, even as they turned their attention back to the box of food sitting in their lap, barely touched. Normally at least one, if not two, containers would already be gone, but Joss was so caught up in everything Lena, that despite being hungry they hadn't really touched their food.

"At least eat some of it before it goes cold," Lena encouraged, "please?" Pulling away from Joss wasn't something she wanted to do but she knew that they needed to it, she needed to it too, even if only a little. "We can get comfy and relax after," she promised, "and heat up what's left over later but we really should both have something, it's been quite a day."

"Yeah, I know." They chuckled a bit. "You're just far more interesting than food." Even still, they started to eat, doing their best not to just inhale it. If only because they were supposed to have more manners than that and it didn't really matter how hungry they were, rushing through it would definitely just end in them sick, which they didn't want.

"Yes, well," Lena cleared her throat, "my being interesting aside, eating me will not replenish your strength." It took a second for her to realise the sexual connotations within that sentence and she hurriedly added, "Besides, I'd only cause you indigestion."

Joss did their best not to choke on their food as Lena spoke, because as much as they were sure she hadn't meant it to come across so sexually, it definitely had. And the afterthought comment didn't really help anything either. They couldn't help but laugh a little, trying to decide if they really wanted to reply to that or just let it pass. "I highly doubt that, but it is not the time to figure that out."

Lena could feel just how red her cheeks were when she realised that Joss had caught the sexual connotations in her otherwise innocent comment. She found herself thankful that Joss had set free her hair from the confines of its pony as she used it to try and shield her flushed cheeks. "Not what I meant," she mumbled before forking some curry into her mouth.

Joss chuckled, bumping their shoulder gently against hers. "I know, but that's definitely the only kind of eating of another person I would ever do. I'm not Hannibal." They couldn't help but be amused at the way Lena tried to hide the blush that was tinting her cheeks. "You're cute when you blush."

"Maybe that's what you want me to think, right before you throw me on the barbeque," Lena retorted playfully as she tried to forget her embarrassment. "I am no such thing!"

"Unless you are secretly a steak or brisket, there will be no throwing of your person onto the barbecue." They grinned with a laugh. "You totally are!"

"I most certainly am not," Lena replied, her upbringing too ingrained for her to realise that being cute wasn't necessarily a bad thing. "Cute things are meek and helpless and I am absolutely not either of those."

"You ever seen a sun bear? They're cute as fuck and could definitely maul a person to death without remorse." Joss knew that Lena's view was probably just a result of her upbringing but they refused to let her get away with thinking that a person couldn't be cute and badass at the same time, because she definitely was.

"So in this situation, I'm a sun bear?" Lena mused. She pondered it over a moment or two. "I suppose in that case I can tolerate being called cute. Just so long as no one thinks I'm meek and helpless."

"Yes, you are, and if anyone ever thinks you're meek or helpless, I'd say I'd fight them but I reckon you can handle yourself." They grinned, taking a bite of their food, leaning back over to rest against Lena.

Lena chuckled, "There are a fair few that can attest to that statement of me being able to handle myself." A smile played over her face as Joss rest against her, "You'll get indigestion if you're not careful," she warned. It was no use, neither of them was really eating, "What do you say we clear this stuff away and we can heat it up later?"

"I'm sure there are." They hummed a bit, still just leaning against her. "I'm just tired." It was hard to eat when they were honestly still so tired. And as much as they knew food would probably help that, they were too tired to even really do that.

Lena pressed a kiss to the top of Joss' head, "I can only imagine." It would be so easy to just sit in comfortable silence but Joss was liable to fall asleep against her and it would do Joss no good to sleep sitting up, not when their body needed to recover still. "Ok," Lena adjusted her shoulders lightly, "you get into bed, I'm going to clear this away and get changed and then I'll join you."

Joss hummed as Lena spoke, nodding a bit. They felt kinda bad that Lena was having to do everything, but this was a kind of exhaustion they weren't familiar with. They'd not left their inhibitors off this long in a really long time and added to the fight earlier, they just didn't have that kind of energy. "M'kay."

Lena pressed one final kiss to Joss' head before gently moving away, "Get into bed," she repeated as she stood up and began to clear away the food cartons on her bed. "I'll be back in a second," she spoke as gathered the few bits and pieces on the bedside table, "I expect to see you warming up the bed for me."

Joss didn't say anything as Lena spoke and started to move around, just simply nodding. Once she'd left they did as she'd said, settling into Lena's bed. They hummed to themself, burying their face just under the covers.

Lena took the food through to the kitchen, placing in the fridge so it wouldn't go bad before returning to her room. A smile on her face when she entered to discover Joss was indeed in bed, their face partly concealed by the covers. Uncertain as to whether Joss was still conscious, Lena tiptoed around the room and got changed as quietly as she could. Hitting the light she headed to bed and slipped beneath the covers next to Joss and pressed a light kiss to the side of their head.

Joss watched Lena from their position under the covers, grinning a little as she tiptoed through the room as she changed. They were starting to drift, but not quite out. So, when Lena slid into bed and pressed the kiss to their head they smiled, moving to curl up, tangling their legs with hers, locking one of their ankles under hers, just in case.

When Joss slipped an ankle beneath one of her own, Lena brought her other leg to keep it secure. "I've got you," she promised quietly as she wrapped an arm around the blonde, "I'll be your kite string." She brought her head to rest lightly atop Joss' and allowed herself to relax a little more so than she had done earlier, this time she knew what to expect, how to calm Joss during a nightmare, to be their tether so they didn't float off.

They chuckled a bit as she spoke, already starting to really settle. They hummed to themself, that same old lullaby they didn't know the origin of nor the words to. It was just something that calmed them, drowned out the sounds around them. They weren't as fast to doze off this time, but they did eventually do so.

Lena did her best to stay awake until she knew that Joss was asleep but she struggled, the song being hummed softly was lulling her to sleep. Despite the day they had had, she found herself feeling at peace and feeling safe, something she hadn't felt in...she honestly couldn't remember, she imaged her birth mother had been alive the last time she felt truly safe. Letting out a contented sigh, she allowed herself to give into the tiredness and succumbed to much needed sleep.

[opheliasbrokenmind]

jealous boy - thomas shelby

word count: 2,9K

a/n: hii! i just updated a headcanon yesterday i know but i’m working on this one for a while and wanted to share it with you quickly. i wrote this in my mother language months ago so i thought i can try to translate it. i ended up changing the end but i think this is a good one. i’ll work on the requests for a while from now. let me know what you think, i love y’all.

'Ada, no. There's no way I'm wearing this piece of shit, it's fucking too short.' You looked at the dress on you with a disgusted face. It revealed your body and you weren't going to wear it for a first date. 'Don't talk like you're a priestess or something, will ya? Just wear it and fuck off.' Ada frowned and when her door opened, she became angrier, if that was even possible. 'Have you heard what is knocking in your life??' John didn't answer to her sister, he just smirked and entered into the room while throwing his cigarette. He scowled when he saw you, 'Jesus! Fuck Alfie Solomons, take off that fucking dress.'

You grinned, finally, someone agreed with you. Ada screamed and threw you a black dress, 'What's next, ay? You're gonna join the church choir or something?' You rolled your eyes and went to the bathroom to try the dress.  'She'll look like going to a funeral John.' You heard Ada and opened the door, the dress was simple yet elegant. It looked classy. 'Fuck, the only funeral she's going to will be Alfie fucking Solomons'.' John winked and you reddened a little. 'Eh, not so bad. Come'ere, you need some makeup.' You followed her commands and after ten minutes, you were ready with your cherry red lips.

The reflection on the mirror pleased you, you wore your black high heels and turned to John, 'How do I look?' His smile widened, 'Hot as fuck. He won't be able to keep his dick in his pants.' You blushed, 'Ew, I won't fuck him.' With your words John's face became serious, and that wasn't a normal thing when he was around you, 'y/n, I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to be honest. What do you really think about Alfie?' He looked at you with expectation. You couldn't help but wonder why was he asking that, you answered anyway.

'Well, he seems like a nice man. But you know what? I don't see him as a date, he is just a friend to me. The only reason I'm keeping my word is that Tommy told me to do him a favour. Why did you ask by the way?' He saw the curiosity in your bright eyes, 'Nothing special, just wondered. Now, go and fuck him.' You laughed, he always knew how to make you smile. Ada hummed about you could be a lot sexier but you didn't mind her and went downstairs. Polly scoped you out but didn't say anything. You felt odd because she was the one who always makes good comments about your outfit.

Arthur's reaction was more different... 'For fuck's sake, does that fucking Solomons have something we don't?' You smiled, 'Definitely not, Arthur.' When you blew him a kiss he smiled and continued to drink his whiskey.  Thomas was also there and you were sure that he knew you came. He didn't say anything and he didn't even bother to look at you, what was wrong with him? Usual Tommy, you thought. Pretending like I'm not here, stone-hearted arrogant.

That was impossible that he was acting like that because you were going on a date, he was the one who accepted when Alfie asked him to take you on a date. When the doorbell rang, Arthur answered it. You looked at John immediately, 'Should I remove the lipstick?' He shook his head, 'Nope, I'm pretty sure that there will be no lipstick at the end of the night.' You sighed and turned around.

Alife was talking with Arthur, then he saw you and gaped. 'God, you're so beautiful.' You blushed uncontrollably and hummed a quiet thanks.  Ada pushed you a little and you found yourself walking to him. 'Hello to you, too, Alfie.' You froze with Tommy's cold voice, but Alfie didn't give a damn about him. 'Hello, Tommy, my friend!' They shared a quick conversation and Alfie nodded to John.

'Now leave and take your hot chick with you, Solomons.' Arthur joked and you slightly blushed again. Alfie offered you an arm, 'Shall we, love?' You nodded and took his arm. You felt a pair of eyes on your back until leaving the house, they felt like knives and you knew that they could belong to just one person, Thomas Shelby. He didn't even say goodbye to you and now what was that? Alfie's voice interrupted your thoughts. 'We have a quiet one'ere, don't we?'

'No, I was just thinking. Sorry.' He smiled, ''s okay, love.' You continued to walk and arrived at an expensive and lux restaurant, he said that he made a reservation. You sipped red wine while waiting for your orders. 'So, you are here, in Birmingham for just a few months and already earned Shelby family's trust?' You answered simply, 'Yes, it's no big deal.' He continued to talk, 'What about Tommy? How did he accept you easily?' You sighed, was he questioning you? 'I don't know, maybe you should ask himself.'

You felt uncomfortable and he noticed, 'Okay, relax.' He kept trying, 'I'm sure that everybody noticed you with your beautiful face, don't you have someone with you?' You sighed, 'Maybe I'm not that sympathetic, you know?' You sent him a threatening look, hoping that he won't piss you off more. 'I don't agree, you are cute.' You forced a smile and you two continued to talk. He could be a good friend, you thought.

When your meals finished he suggested to go to Garrison, you accepted willingly. He was trying to flirt with you for minutes and you knew that Shelbys will be there to save you. The cheque came and you said that you can pay for your food but he refused and laughed. You stormed off and waited for him outside, liting a cigarette. You were a businesswoman and you hated getting into bad situations like this.

You couldn't help but compare him with Thomas. You remembered the time you went to dinner with Tommy. One of your friends went on a date with Michael and she asked you to look after her. You accepted and you knew that it would be suspicious if you go alone so you asked Thomas to go with you. He accepted and you brought work that evening. However, you two opened as time passed by and you never wanted it to end. That evening you spent time with a whole different Thomas, the one he chooses to hide and you loved that man. You knew that you could do anything to talk again with that chatty, kind Tommy again.

He let you pay for your meal and you saw the respect in his mesmerizing eyes that night. He was impressed by a powerful woman who was able to handle herself, he admired you. Alfie came to you and you pushed your thoughts, started to walk with him. He made some jokes and you laughed, talked a little. When you finally arrived at Garrison, you walked to the table where the family members were. You sat next to John, started to chat with him. Alfie was watching you.

'Let me look at ya,' John whispered and you turned your face to him. He looked at your lips and frowned, 'Lipstick is still'ere, what a pity.' You rolled your eyes playfully, 'Of course, it is. I don't look him that way, John. By the way, where's Tommy?' His smile disappeared and you felt nervous. 'Oh, don't ask me, please. He is there, snogging with that sticky barmaid.' You couldn't believe what you heard and looked at the direction he showed to you.

Thomas was there, the barmaid was trying to kiss him hard but he was still the dominant one. You noticed that he was definitely drunk, that wasn't a thing that happened often. Polly once said that he rarely gets drunk and when he did, it was because he couldn't control his thoughts. What he couldn't control? you thought. Then you saw that the barmaid was playing with his hair and this sent a shiver down your spine. You knew how much he hated when someone touched his hair, but he was there and saying nothing.

You couldn't help but feel awful, you knew that you were never more than a friend to him but you felt awful anyway. 'Disgusting.' You murmured and John nodded, 'Go get us some whiskey.' You stood up and went to Harry to ask for a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. He handed you the things and you came back to the table. John immediately poured two glasses and you drank it quickly. You had no idea about Thomas was watching you.

John hugged you with one arm, it meant nothing more than a friendly hug but Alfie frowned. 'Jesus, what a whore.' You looked at the other table with John's voice and saw that the barmaid was now sitting on Tommy's lap. He leaned back his head and her lips were going down on his neck. You felt sick and averted your gaze, didn't want to see the scene. 'I can't watch it anymore.' Arthur nodded and continued to smoke.

You noticed that Polly was looking at you, so you turned to her. She shook her head and didn't say anything. 'Stop watching, John. People said that he wasn't with any girls for years and now look at him, letting a sneaky barmaid touch him. Why do you think he is acting like that?' You asked and his eyes looked directly at you. 'Are you really asking that? Oh, y/n... I don't think that you'll be happy when I tell you the truth.' You didn't understand him, what was he talking about?

You smiled, 'Spill the tea, Johnny boy. Nothing can surprise me more now.' Oh, you were wrong. 'We all thought you knew this but it seems like you have no idea. Just wondering, are you blind?' You gestured him to continue and he sighed, 'Tommy loves you.' You couldn't breathe and gasped for air, 'Excuse me, what? Stop kidding.' You coughed again and a small smile played on his lips. 'That's the truth. He was mad when he came home and told us Alfie will take you on a date. Then he forced himself to hate you and didn't even look at your face today.'

'But when you left with Alfie... We struggled at stopping him, he was too angry for his own good. He is with that evil since we came here. There's no doubt that he is dead drunk now. He tries to forget you or make you jealous, maybe both.  We... didn't know what to do, y/n. He's too stubborn to tell you the truth.' You closed your eyes, you had no idea about what you were going to do. The man you liked for months had feelings for you but... Could you trust him after what he had done? Was it his fault? Definitely not, you knew this at least. You should have refused Alfie's offer at first, and tell him that you'd prefer a date with him. You sighed, opened your eyes and took a long sip from your drink.

'Bored, are we?' Alfie smiled across the table and you didn't smile back. 'We can leave, y'know? I know a good place nearby and would like to take you there, ay.' You glared at him, 'Did I get that right, Alfie? You think I'm gonna sleep with you?' He laughed, ''course it is. What did ya think, doll?' His careless words made you angrier, 'You think I'm a whore?' He threw a look to you, 'You tell me. Tommy said that I'm free to do everything with you. Isn't it make you one?'

'Fuck off.' You raised your voice, 'I'm not a whore. You're looking at the wrong place, I'm sure that you can find one in Thomas Shelby's lap!' Everyone was watching you, including Tommy and Grace. Questioning eyes turned to them and Thomas told her to leave, gaining a slap from Grace. She left the pub and Alfie followed behind her. John grinned, 'Can't believe you did this.' You responded sarcastically, 'Did I do something wrong?' Ada smiled warmly, 'I'm glad that blonde bitch left 'ere.'

Thomas came to your table and you ignored his eyes. The family got up and you left with them. You all walked quietly, the cold wind blew to your small frame. John took off his thick coat and placed it to your bare shoulders. You murmured a simple thanks to him. 'I'll go to my place, good night.' Ada stopped you, 'There's no way I'm leaving you alone this night, sweetheart. If you don't come with us, I'll make you come anyway.' You didn't try to refuse again, you knew she was as stubborn as his brother.

Arthur took a sip from the whiskey bottle he carried, 'What were you doing with that girl, Tommy? Are you insane?' He laughed. 'I wanted to have fun.' You turned your eyes to the ground and avoided his gaze, knowing that he was mad at you. Polly took another drag from her cigarette, she made an unhappy sound. 'You don't look like you're having fun, do ya?' John asked, knowing exactly his brother was everything but happy. 'Actually, I could enjoy my night if someone didn't make her angry.' You felt a shiver down your spine and your stomach ached but you didn't even look at him.

Then you finally arrived at the home and you immediately climbed upstairs to go to the room Polly gave to you since you started visiting the house. You took off your high heels and tried to open your zipper. However, you couldn't do it and sighed. Your door opened and you thought it was Ada, 'Can you help me, please?' You said and the person closed the distance, a hand pushed your hair to your neck and revealed your back. Then the fingers touched your warm skin and they found their way to the zipper. You noticed that it wasn't Ada, the hands opened the zipper slowly and the long fingers traced your skin. 'Don't you fucking dare to touch me again.' You hissed, turning back to face with him.

He was in front of you now, Tommy. His drunk eyes and sad face hurt you in a way you couldn't explain. He took a step closer to you and you stepped back, 'Please, don't touch me. I don't want to see you.' The dress loosening around your curves and showing your skin, his eyes lingered on your body for a second. 'y/n, what's the problem?' He asked slowly, his face softened. His pure voice making you swallow, you answered. 'You tell me, Tommy. Do you think I won't notice? You're not talking to me since Alfie asked me out, you didn't even look at my face. What's it?' He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, then closed. You gestured him to speak.

'You think I don't look at you? Jesus, are you joking? Your face is the only one I want to see all day, every day. But, I'm not going to confess my feelings now. I'm not spilling my secrets to you, I won't give you the chance to learn my pathetic intentions. The big Tommy Shelby, ay! Falling for a girl he knows for months and desperate for her love. It hurts, y/n. It really hurts. You don't even like me.' You listened to him open-mouthed, trying to choose what to say for a response.

'You're stupid, Tommy. You believe that I don't even like you? Do you have an idea about why did I go out with that fucker? Because you fucking wanted me to do, because I care about what you want! I care about you. I tried to tolerate him for hours just for you and what happened? I found you with a girl on your lap!' Now, it was his turn to be shocked, was he imagining things or were you really standing there? He shut his eyes and opened, just to see you again. 'I... I'm sorry.'

'I wish you had talked to me first, y'know. I'd prefer learning what you feel from you, not from your brother. If I need to be optimistic, at least we spoke. Now go to your room and rest, you'll have a hell hangover. We're gonna discuss these later, alright?' You looked at his beautiful face, he seemed like a Greek god to you with his sharp cheekbones. 'Promise?' He asked like he wanted to be sure. 'Promise, Tommy.' You gave him a sincere smile. 'Okay, I'm leaving but first..' He paused, not sure about what he was going to say. You felt nervous.

'Where's my goodnight kiss, ay?' You couldn't help but chuckle, you weren't waiting for this. 'C'mere.' You said and he closed the distance again, smiling lightly. He closed his piercing eyes, you enjoyed the view of his long eyelashes. You had to stand up to reach his height, you left a small kiss to his right cheek. His smooth skin warm under your lips, you cherished every second. Then you took a step back and looked at him for the last time that night, 'Goodnight, Tommy.'

He walked to the door and talked quietly before leaving your room, 'Goodnight, love.'

[polygamyff]

23. Part 4

In this moment of time I just froze, this can’t be real, he can’t be here “busy boy” I just snapped out of it instantly, seeing Robyn on the bed. He shouldn’t be here “get out” I said, I didn’t want to shout it out “why?” my dad said moving more into the room “where is my grandchild” the word alone worked my nerve, walking towards my dad “get out, get out of the room now!” getting in my dad’ face “you don’t belong here, there is no child!” I said through gritted teeth “Maurice, I know everything” I will drag my dad out of this room “fine, come” he turned around, I am not having him anywhere near Robyn. How does he always get there, he is just there everytime “nah, you one sick minded fuck” gripping my dad’ shirt and dragging him to the wall, pressing him back onto the wall “what the fuck is your problem!? You bought Naomi here, you bastard!” I want to kill him, I see red “excuse me, do we need to bring security” letting my dad go “it’s fine, do me favour. These two are not allowed in this hospital. It’s a no, my dad is not trusted. I will escort them out, remember their faces” pushing my dad to walk, mind you I have never touched my dad in a way of harming him “sorry, we know now. We won’t” my dad is so calm, he just fixed his shirt “trying to kill me quicker than I am now?” I want him out of this place, I am so angry that he is here. How the fuck did he know, why is he here.

I am just fed the fuck up right now “Maurice, can we talk?” my dad said, like I want to speak to him “go!” he is trying to throw Naomi around like she doesn’t have feelings, this is a mess “from the moment you beat Kellen at the party, from the moment Tiffany said the name Robyn. From the moment you kept staring at this woman, then from the moment you moved I had you followed. I have been hoping you just said it to me, say you had another woman. What got to me is you lied, you kept on lying. You just wouldn’t say it, I know everything. Right down to the moment she had the baby, I know it all. I knew from when you was in Texas, you was on the phone, your tone changed. She didn’t tell me a word, still she didn’t, your lawyer didn’t either. I am not mad, I would say I am upset you never told me, I gave you the chances. I tried to push you, I laughed but that was because I saw the lies. The very day Tiffany said Robyn, I watched you. Not me personally but you know, you have ways” I swallowed hard feeling like a failure to protect my family, my dad was allowed to enter the way he did “why is Naomi here, I don’t feel right” my dad chuckled “just showing her what she could have had, her infertility ruined a lot” shaking my head at him “Naomi why are you belittling yourself? The contract didn’t say let this manipulative dickhead ruin you, I told you to do better Naomi, what are you doing?” is she stupid, she put her head down “oh my god!” I shouted out “Naomi, be you. Don’t let him drag you down. You go home, you do what you need to do. I will deal with him, why you doing this to yourself. This upsets me, I didn’t want you here!” this is awful “I’m sure her dad will be happy, she stays. This child, what have you exactly bought into the world” my dad asked “I must say, the security at your home is harsh, they wouldn’t let me in. Your dad in but let some random people in” he pulled a face “you mean Robyn’ parents, they always got a pass to come in but you no, it’s sick that I don’t trust you. You would kill for the win, you stay away from them” my dad looked offended “not something that is my family no, not my first born” I laughed in his face “it’s a girl, now you change your attitude with the shit” he is funny.

This is the worst shit that can happen, why now “I wouldn’t harm a hair on that head, I just wish you told me. I am close to you, I have seen a change and I knew it had something to do with a female. I was shocked you didn’t catch on, I was being on your case to make you break but you didn’t. So anyways, what contract between you and Naomi?” he asked, I assumed Naomi told “that she allows me to do what I like, she agreed to it. This way her family assumes she is married still, it worked in her benefit and mine too but I didn’t ask her to be with tortured by you. You leave her alone, she is human and has a heart too. Naomi, please be happy” my dad stuffed his hands in his pockets “so that remains, I want the baby a secret” I snorted laughing “no dad, I! Me! I want it to be a secret from you!!” my dad shook his head “you’re saying that because Robyn, the lady you’re with controls you. Well I wouldn’t say control you but you’re under her spell. But Maurice, don’t lie to me again. First grandchild, I am shocked. Anyways, I will let you be with your family, we can talk more but I wouldn’t harm something you love, I can see it. I’ll leave you to it and I will deal with the business and son, I am happy for you” he walked off “come Naomi” grabbing her arm “she stays here, you go” my dad is just evil because he can’t do it to his kids, he is so fucking stupid.

Watching my dad go, I am not a heartless man. My heart is more soft now that I am in love and have a daughter, I am changed in the sense where I don’t want that for Naomi, no matter what. That could be my daughter and it’s wrong, it’s a mess but she needs to not let my dad do this. It’s horrible “Naomi, why did you let my dad do that to you? I mean, you shouldn’t be here” turning to her “he found out about you, he told me but I didn’t say a word and he just said he would tell my dad how I can’t give such a thing, I honestly never said anything. Believe me with that, he bought me here and then said how do I feel? To not ever get that feeling. As much as I want to move on your dad is dragging me back, you have to help me to get him to stop! I don’t want this. I’m getting to the point where I’m just going to kill myself, what use am I” rubbing my face “don’t say that, it’s not nice to hear. People do care about you, you’re obeying the contract and I don’t blame you. I will deal with my dad just go back to Texas and do what you need to do. Just don’t do anything stupid ok? You will find your happiness, you need a car? Shall I call a car for you?” Naomi shook her head “it’s fine, I will go and please deal with your dad for me. I’ll get a cab and congratulations on your daughter” nodding my head.

Walking back to the hotel room while on the phone, hearing it ring out “bro” Malik said “didn’t you see dad come through?” I am tired and drained, sick of shit “what you mean dad? How is he there? He’s not anywhere” the nurse knows I am pissed, they allowed some guy to come in “Mr Davenport we was assured he was your dad, he showed his pictures, his I.D, he said you was waiting” putting my hand up “just please, let’s just forget it but Malik, he was here. He knows everything, he had Naomi here. My baby just down the hall, I wanted to be angry at her but I couldn’t. I felt bad for her, she didn’t tell him shit. Dad has been an ass to her, dragging her here to see me be with the baby, to show her what she could have had. Do me a favour, in the morning. I am just so tired. Please find me a bodyguard, I need it for Robyn and my daughter, I don’t care about me. I need you to remain close to dad, I need to know what he is doing. And just check on Naomi, I can’t be a widow now, I need my divorce but I’m out ok” I just need to get in bed and sleep “I am in shock but I will, bye bro” disconnecting the call.

I was going to go into the room with Robyn but I just need to see my daughter, walking down the hall. I snapped on my dad, imagine if I did hit him. I am so glad I didn’t, shaking my head. It’s just a mess, I have a heart. Naomi, I just felt like she lied ok, but she was in that situation and still is, I mean I have known her for five years. You grow accustomed to the situation, I shouldn’t really care in a way but I wouldn’t want her to harm herself in any way at all. She deserves happiness, I must be getting soft in my old age or just that I am a father now. Rubbing the antibacterial solution on my hands as I used my arm to push open the door “are you still walking around?” The woman looking after the babies said “I can’t sleep, I am just protective. Is she ok?” walking towards my daughter’ incubator “she is fine, she is due for a feed” how does he know that “how do you know that? Don’t you just feed them when they cry? She is asleep” my daughter does actually look like a real life doll “not exactly, you should time them, pace them out. No matter if the baby is asleep, feed them. They will awake and drink. But I see your daughter coming out of this tomorrow, well today. She is fine, not needing the help as other babies. Would you like to feed her?” raising my eyebrows “I can do that?” I didn’t think I could “yes, sit down. I will pass her to you” this is so crazy amazing.

The nurse gently placed my daughter in my arms “there we go, we usually have her all wrapped up but she will need burping, you can show daddy how much you be sick. She don’t need the hat, her hair keeps her all warm. It always comes off” the nurse placed it back on her hand “but there you go, she is so cute” nodding my head with my mouth half open, she is just amazing. I just feel so choked up, she is mine “you don’t know how much you have changed my life Bonita, you’re baby Bonita” she is perfect, I didn’t think I would ever get such a moment in my life “are you comfortable? She will open her moth, she will open her eyes. You going to open your eyes for daddy. Just place the teat just near her lips, just gently rub it, like touching basically. Your daughter will know and open her mouth” this is really something I need to get used too, placing the teat as she calls it just near her lips and it was just like that. She opened her mouth “ok, now just place the teat in her mouth. That is it, you will naturally know when she doesn’t want anymore” I feel really choked up, I am feeding my daughter.

Moving the bottle away from her lips “let take that, let’s see how much she had. Now what you need to do is you can either. Place her over your shoulder or lift her up. Place your hand just under her chin to keep her head safe and then rub her back. Now most men, they prefer over the shoulder” how the hell so I navigate such a tiny delicate baby over my shoulder “she’s has about four ounces, don’t be afraid of doing this. You will get used to it, mommy will need you so I believe you will be ok” baby Bonita flexed up her arms, seeing her tiny eyes opening “she is a wake, and I will place this towel over your shoulder” how can mothers do all this by themselves, like I need help “rise and shine Bonita” lightly touching the side of her face, she looked up at me “wow, you really beautiful Bonita. You taking my breath away, got a grown ass man all choked up here, I could just stare at you all day. But I got to burp you, don’t be trying to be sick on me now” I can do this, I can do it. It’s not hard slowly raising my daughter up to my shoulder “there you are, her head is resting on your shoulder now, relax. Just rub her back, she shouldn’t be sick as much” I feel so damn nervous, I don’t want to hurt my baby now. Gently rubbing her back, my heart fluttered hearing the little whimpers on my daughter in my ear, her breathing alone made me heart feel warm “I feel I want to cry, I don’t know if it’s from tiredness or my daughter” the nurse laughed “I’m sure it’s the emotion of becoming a father, she’s awake for you now though” she wants me to entertain her, I can be that.

Wiping the tiny bit of sick at the side of my daughter’ face “hey pretty lady, sorry. Hola señorita eres muy hermosa” smiling down at her, she has really made me happy and she doesn’t even know it. She has changed me, my heart. God, it’s just a whole different feeling, this love is different from when I have for Robyn “Princesa, tu mamá estará celossa. Te digo todas estas hermosas palabras. I am going to teach you Spanish, Mi reina” she is so quiet, she is just staring at me so intently “that is so sweet, were you born in Spain? You are so fluent in Spanish?” the nurse asked, looking up at her “I was taught it, I had a personal teacher. She was Spanish, I just learnt it” she let out an oh “I do know you, I have seen you on CNBC” I kind of know why they call her my wife “yeah” I chuckled “my first born child, I don’t know how to contain myself. It’s a deep feeling” looking down at my daughter, she has been staring at me all this time “I am here, for you” her tiny little fingers, she is so cute and I love it.

“Hey! Negro, Maurice” feeling a slap to my arm, lifting my head up as my eyes shot open in confusion “it’s me” Shawn said, blinking several times in shock. I swear I just closed my eyes, looking around me “what time is it?” I said groggily, moving onto my back “it’s like three in the afternoon bro. Robyn is awake, I came because I heard” I sighed out rubbing my head “who’s here?” the room seems loud next door “everyone, Malik, Nalah. Some of Robyn’ family, I don’t know them. We been here for a while, get up. I want to know what happened with your dad?” Do I really want to speak about him “Shawn, he knows. I can’t explain his reaction but he wasn’t angry at what I have done, he was angry I lied. He just pulled up on me” pushing the covers back getting out of bed “just like that?” Shawn spat in shock “yeah, with Noami too. Bro, I don’t know. I have a heart, I felt bad. My dad bought her here to show her what she couldn’t have, I was so fucking disgusted. I just told her I would sort it. I don’t know bro, I am just a mess. My head is pounding, is my daughter ok?” I need to know that “she is fine, they won’t let anyone go inside to see her. So I woke you, Robyn is in pain” I need to pee so bad, my dick is hard “is there a lot of people in there?” Shawn rolled his eyes “put something on, nobody want to see your dick swinging around” pulling my sweatpants up “I am, I need to go back home. I need to get the bedroom cleaned and changed for Robyn” grabbing the tee “I am awake now, come” Shawn dragged the door open, the talking kind of stopped which I hated, pulling the tee down. Walking out of the bedroom, there is a lot of people here. All eyes were on me, I put my head down placing my hand over on crotch. Manoeuvring around people “don’t say hi then” Nalah spat, I just need to get my dick down, I don’t want to talk.

I look a mess but I have got three missed calls from my dad, great. I will call him back quickly now, pressing my phone to my ear. Dragging the bathroom door open, why does the talking just stop. It’s making things awkward, walking towards the door to step out “morning son” I am sure he knows it’s afternoon “what’s up?” dragging open the door “I just want to make sure that we on the same boat with things, I don’t want you to think I am angry at the situation. I am more just upset by you not telling. Where has Naomi gone?” slowly walking down the hall “leave her alone, I mean it. Let her live, let her move on. Why the hell do you have to be like this, I don’t trust you dad. I can’t, just stay away from my family. I will see you but you will not see my daughter” I won’t allow that, the phone line went silent “you have a meeting tomorrow, I will go. I am leaving California now and this stays quiet. I don’t want anybody to know” I never wanted him to know “ok whatever, bye” disconnecting the call, how can I trust a man that got me followed, that was finding things out about me. He doesn’t know half of it, he will hate me that I am putting things under Robyn’ name, the fact my daughter will get it all. This is why I don’t trust him, he doesn’t know everything. Robyn will be worth a lot like me, he is vindictive. Rubbing my head, my head is pounding “Maurice” I gasped turning “Nalah” I breathed out “you looking pretty lost right now, you want to talk?” taking in a deep breath “dad knows, he came over here. I just don’t know how to take it, he trapped me once and I trusted him and I was out of it. I didn’t sleep till like seven in the morning. I got shit to do, but I’m good” my sister opened her arms “come here” she wrapped her arms around me “put dad to the side and let me say I am so happy for you, I want to see my niece nigga. I am so excited, I got gifts from Dubai and shit. Like we can speak about dad or celebrate your daughter” she ain’t wrong.

Walking back in the room with my sister behind “hi everyone” I remember her grandparents, but there is extra here and so many flowers, walking further inside. I abruptly stopped seeing Robyn awake finally, like I couldn’t even speak to her, all this time and now she is awake. I have missed Robyn so much, just to stare into her eyes “you’re making me shy, stop it” Robyn looked away, licking my lips smiling at her “my niece is very much in love with you, girl don’t be showing this side to you I mean he is fine” I think I remember this lady, the loud mouth one. I can’t drag my eyes away from Robyn, I am so proud of her. She did something unexplainable, I am so shocked “Maurice, stop it” walking over to Robyn “sorry, you just so breathtaking, what I witnessed at the house. What I saw, I am just. I am so proud of you, I am shocked on what you did. You bought our daughter into the world Robyn and you did it like that, just like that. I mean don’t get me wrong, I respect women but I have a new found respect on what you do, I was so scared but baby you did it. You the woman babe, I am so in love with you” Robyn giggled “be quiet, I am a mess” leaning over, placing my hands at the side of her face “I love you and I have missed” pressing a kiss to Robyn’ lips “I love you too” she said back, hand on my heart I just want to spend time with Robyn on my own.

I am so content, placing my arm around Robyn as I stood by her “so who’s who, there is a lot of females here” my thumb lightly stroking the side of Robyn’ face “hold up, why haven’t they bought the baby here? They not said anything?” I swear they said she was fine “they came earlier to check on me, they said they don’t feel she is ready and that they wanted you to be around and you was asleep. I said my mom is here but they wanted us two but I think it’s because they want to see us with her” letting out an oh “I was just with her this morning, I fed her for the first time, the nurse helped me. She was fine, I guess not” very confusing “so yeah who are these to you, I remember the loud one” there was a knock at the door, will I ever know these people “wow, very full room. Hi everyone. I just wanted to introduce myself, I will be in the unit tonight. And if you want to see her, you can but we have moved her. She can’t be picked up this time. We only want the parents to see her right now, it’s not because it’s badlly anything wrong. Just that when I checked her just her breathing shallow but she is fine” frowning at her “ok but why, I spoke to the nurse last night well this morning she said she was fine? It’s conflicting, I practically fed my daughter, burped her and everything” this is bullshit “and Mr Davenport we need to remember she is early, tomorrow it may be fine. I am not worried, it is expected and we are watching over her. We pick up on anything, I assure you. We just, right now don’t any visitors ok” breathing out heavily, my sister just staring at my face she knows I am stressed the fuck out “I want to see her Maurice, I feel so empty without her” looking down at Robyn “you need to get better too, don’t cry” the mood has become so somber in the room.

[ifihadneverpickedthepenup]

Down this road again...

Did I really forget how to swim?

Is the ice we skate on really this thin?

I thought maybe I would not go through this with him.

I thought all the love given would be enough to be forgiven.

So why do I live in this fear, in this cage?

Where do I find an outlet for my sadness and rage?

I am afraid.

And I am sorry, but to me, you have it made.

I know you’ll never see it this way.

So I’ll try to silence these thoughts day by day.

Where is the graciousness, gratitude, or simple recognition?

That in this life you can create a beautiful vision,

Which can easily come to fruition,

If you simply make the decision,

Find yourself internally driven,

And come to terms with all that you have been given.

Whether it wisdom, financial stability, health care, or just a real support system.

And I know that things were broken for you too.

I understand that I will never understand what you have been through.

But if you can’t wake up and see,

Your life is something so many envy.

Maybe you can’t be the one for me-

And before you chime in with you “if that’s how you feel I will let you be”-

It’s not because I want to be free,

But rather that you won’t fight for me.

It is that you will never understand how broken this life has made me.

People: friends, family, and lovers constantly betray me

Always praying someone is going to save me.

I’m experiencing mental and physical despair.

I know you probably barely care.

I can see it now, our conversation, your distant stare.

But it really isn’t fair.

You left me to rot,

I don’t care if you see or not.

I spend hours now daily staring at the clock.

When you don’t call I wonder if you forgot, didn’t care, or were too distracted by some other girl in there.

But I mustn’t say that, I wouldn’t dare. Why would I risk being called a jealous, crazy bitch?

Because I drive myself crazy.

Because I love you.

Because I care.

Oh and to find true love can be so rare.

And I know we could have it, I swear.

But not until you see past the pain in my heart that I so nonchalantly wear.

Babe, I beg you would just understand all the pain that I’ve felt,

And my desperate need to escape.

Or recognition that this might be my fate.

Maybe it’ll never get better than the first date.

But all you see is my inability to wait.

I’m just acknowledging the truth, that it may be too late.

Maybe I’m not meant to have a mate.

Maybe heaven filled up early and they had to close the gate.

My own flesh and blood was the first man to ever give me a drug.

He made me believe ecstasy was the same thing as a fathers love or a warm hug.

But he hid the badness, he swept the darkness under the rug.

But all those dark and evil prices crept up when I found myself in love.

When I try to find understanding my mind draws blanks.

I’m not trying to turn this into a competition, some kind of sick race.

I just want you to see where in the world I was placed.

It’s like the joint your friends pass you without warning you it was laced.

As soon as I could taste it was far too late,

Pushed towards hell and told it will all be well.

It’s my fate, something I have to face.

Forget that bullshit,

That’s all fake.

Life just didn’t want me to be great.

Doomed to be an addict,

Doomed to be a whore,

And absolutely nothing more.

I have no God to open windows,

Only the devil closing doors.

Knowing good and damn well I can not compete with most girls.

We live in different worlds.

You go to your parents as an escape,

For me it’s always a mistake.

Your family tells you to drive straight,

Mine would probably let me drive into a lake.

My father would definitely let me get date raped.

I know you think I’m exaggerating,

But moments ago we were smoking heroin together, let that sink in.

You don’t really know him.

There are some really dark things about him.

Things I hope will die with my generation.

Narcissism is the only word he wants to live in.

But he always wants to drag me down with him,

Knowing he has constantly failed his children.

Although it may be impossible to fully protect them,

Seems pretty basic moral integrity to look out for ones own kin.

If you think it’s just “tough love” that I was given, I would really like to share a portion,

Seriously I would have preferred my mom have an abortion.

Even that description can not begin to scratch the surface of the shitstorm that I live in.

And just like that my happiness was stolen.

I understand you’ll never know what it’s like to be a weed in the trash, while simultaneously being told your a flower with limitless potiental to grow.

Yet every bit of growth seems to stagnant, so slow.

I wish my past was like a map you could unroll.

I could take you where I’ve been, you could show me where to go.

But for now your advice is insulting because you’ve neglected to take the time to really get to know me.

Who am I? Do you have any clue?

What it is like to be anyone but you.

And don’t think for a second I haven’t tried to put myself in your shoes too.

I constantly try to understand because I do love you.

But I don’t think my whole past is even a story you could sit through.

I know just hearing some of my pain utterly disgust you.

Shit it does me too.

I use dark and sick humor to mask my mistakes.

Sometimes I believe my own bullshit and become a heartless bitch.

I turn off that switch.

But that should not invalidate my feelings you dick!

Great, now I sound like a prick.

Why can’t you just understand this shit?

Oh how I wish.

Don’t get me wrong, I get it, things had to be fixed.

But I am sick and tired of you saying it had to happen like this.

You left so quick that I could not pull myself together to get a goodbye kiss.

Now I do not know if I will ever get it.

You lied over and over,

Making me feel like I constantly had to look over my shoulder.

You stole from me repeatedly, so why should I believe you didn’t just use me?

You say I’m jealous?

What do you expect when our relationship is sexless?

You have often called me by the name of another bitch.

Do you even comprehend that shit?

You told me another woman’s sex was better than mine, but it’s “okay” because you were “out of your mind...”

But sure, “you’re in love with me”.

I’m not blind.

What you’re doing is not kind.

You probably are not in love with me and that is fine,

But do not let me do this time after time.

Trying so desperately to have you really love me.

Or make you want to be mine.

I’ve never been someone to be proud to have.

But for me, I want you to be my baby’s dad.

I want you to be my husband,

And I want you to be glad.

But again I know it’s something I will never have.

So I am sorry that I am sad.

Why am I so disgusting and broken?

Why is my pussy so scary to cum in?

You say you want a future, but you’ll never want my children.

Can you even picture a house that we are both happy to live in?

No really, think about that again.

This isn’t meant to be a sweet little hym.

This is the life I’ve created or been given.

I don’t know how to live in the system.

I’ll probably end up in another toxic relationship or abused by men since you think I’ll deserve it because I “hit” them.

Shit I’ll probably end up dead in the streets.

Hell maybe it’ll happen before you get out in the next couple of weeks.

So while I know I sit here and endlessly weap.

I shall consent to defeat.

Your family gave you an ultimatum.

Which ultimately made you choose them.

To me it’s sick we were put in a situation to make that decision.

And I get it, it’s cool, if I had your family I would probably choose them too.

And when you say “just don’t worry” or “don’t mind them,”

I wish you’d take a step back and look again.

Realize you will always choose them again and again.

To you, I am not family.

I’m barely even “your baby”

You’ve already shown your sister all of my crazy.

They already hate me (if they even waste the energy on me).

I’m trying so hard to explain don’t you see?

I don’t know how I will handle you going to leave me.

But I see for you it was pretty easy.

There wasn’t even a question of you staying with me.

The threat from your family was enough for you to leave oh so quickly.

And yet you do not even see that your family deceived you and me.

I wanted to be your family but now I see, that was extremely silly.

You probably won’t even spend another night with me.

So when I rant and bitch and try to explain my life it is simply because I never had it that nice.

You will probably find me dead before you ever understand what is going through my head every night before I go to bed.

My circle of support is so small and fake, I am not going to get better at all at this rate.

But yet when you ask if you should stop calling, I don’t know how to say yes, it would probably rip out my chest.

But if I had to guess, it won’t be long until no love is left.

The things she said honestly destroyed me and every time I read it, it makes me want to die,

I may as well be out of my mind, out of sight.

Just so she can be right and I can be the “bad guy”.

But I am realizing as I write this that it will all be okay, maybe even better this way.

I bet you don’t even know what to say, just like every time, everyday.

But your giant heart always makes my world fall apart.

Even at your darkest I see your spark.

Even with this time apart.

And you are so fucking smart.

The intelligence of 100 men, the strength of a lion.

A beautiful mane, looks that drive me insane.

The gentle grace, which will have me follow you any place.

You can do anything you set your mind to and I really hope that you’ll find the courage to take the time to.

You gave me some of the best memories of my life.

You are so sweet, too damn nice.

Though I know I will dream of you every night,

I recognize I am toxic and will respectfully remove myself from your life.

And maybe in moments when I’m high, I can hang on to your beautiful light and momentarily forget about my life.

I am sorry I held you back,

I am sorry I took your friends,

I am sorry I took your happiness,

I am sorry I made you loose yourself.

I really hope you hang onto your health.

I love you forever and you will always make my heart melt.

~ifihadneverpickedthepenup

[agmapansa3008]

Some WIPs

I was inspired by @ocean-in-my-rebel-soul, I hope they don’t mind!

Posting some of my WIPs, maybe some of you will like them :D

Unnamed Cullrian fic

On one such occasion he was looking for the commander after he failed to show up for their weekly game, stopping at the door to the Throne Room when he heard his voice. Frowning, he listened. Cullen sounded agitated. "-is quite enough, M'am. Lord Pavus has proven himself many a time for this Inquisition. He is an asset and a friend and I shall not tolerate any insult towards him."

 Oooh. Another one of those arguments then. Dorian thought Mother Giselle would finally lay off if him after the disaster with his father. The old lady was quite meddlesome for someone who was supposedly there as a soothing presence. Cullen's words however, made him smile softly. The things that man said. 

Before he could make his presence known, though, the mother started speaking in a hushed tone. "And can you be quite sure that the Mage isn't helping your emotions and thoughts along?"  

Dorian bristled. The nerve on that woman! Surely no one could believe such a vile- 

"I can't be sure of that, no I-" The door fell shut as the mage stumbled back. Ice cursed through his veins, quite literally, as his magic jumped with his sudden spike in emotion. It crackled into his fingertips in the form of lighting, only to rush fire back into his chest. He felt his stomach drop as his heart burned.

Well. 

Stumbling back, he mad his way through Solas' alcove - thankfully the other mage was nowhere to be seen - and took the opposite way than his quarters, needing to get out. To breathe. 

He crossed the commander's office and moved over the battlefront to the little look out section, slipping down into a slump, with his back against the stony railing. Frustrated tears were streaming down Dorian's face, and he forcefully brushed them aside with the back of his hand. How could he... after everything Dorian had told him, about how his father had tried to change him... how could he possibly believe that Dorian would be capable of doing something so horrible. So completely utterly disgusting? 

How could he trust him so little, after all this time? It had been months. Long, hard fought months, months in which friendships had been forged and families had been formed. Months. 

And yet Cullen still assumed the worst of him. He was still, even to one of his dearest friends, the evil mage from Tevinter. Friends. 

More tears flew and a bitter chuckle escaped him, broken on a sob. Not friends. Not more. 

Nothing. 

---

Amatus (Cullrian)

When he entered the tavern, his mood only heightened as he spotted his dear commander standing in a corner. With a wide grin and a quip ready on his lips, Dorian started to make his way towards him, but stopped, uncertain, when he realised who Cullen was talking to. 

Krem, to his credit, realised his mistake quickly, eyes passing from Commander to mage and widening comically. "Oh-" he stammered. "Oh no." 

Cullen, on the other hand, slowly turned towards Dorian, an unreadable look on his face, that had the Altus frozen. He cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows, but before he could say what he was preparing himself for, Dorian... bolted. 

Childish, sure, but it was a knee jerk reaction to his brain yelling 'Get out get out get out' at him. 

Well fuck. He had forgotten about Krem. 

How had he forgotten about Krem?

---

WinterIron Tattoo Soulmate Fic

"Right, gimme just a second. I'll just dress real quick." 

"Pity." Tony looked up from his phone to see Bucky roll his eyes with a grin and huffed a laugh himself. He couldn't help but let his eyes wander slightly when the taller man turned around to walk into his bedroom. But when his eyes arrived on his back, his mind came to a startling halt when he saw the dark ink right between Bucky's shoulder blades. 

It was his symbol. The same dark red triangle, encircled black. His symbol, right there on Bucky's back. 

But how? 

Confused Tony stared after him, the door closing slightly. Hope and happiness started to blossom in his heart and a smile was slowly making its way onto his lips. 

Why hadn't he said anything? Tony had shown him his symbol, why hadn't he- 

And just like that, the smile dropped. 

Oh. 

Of course. How stupid of him. 

Chest burning, Tony had to lean against the wall behind him, in fear that his legs would give in. His eyes were slowly fogging over. With a shaky breath he tried to speak. "Hey Barnes?" 

"Yeah?" The voice was still as cheerful as always, still as bright. 

Tony's chest ached even more as he wondered what was going through Barnes' head whenever they hung out. How much it bothered him to keep the secret. If he even cared by now. Tony had shown him his symbol half a year ago. He swallowed. "Sorry, we will have to push this to some other time. Pepper just called with something SI related." He wondered if the other could hear the slight tremor in his voice. "It's important." 

"Oh. Yeah. Yeah no worries, work is work." Bucky's steps came closer again and Tony quickly turned around to leave. "Do you want to- you're leaving already?"

Without turning back, the genius quickly nodded, wanting to be anywhere but here. "Yeah, sorry, gotta run. I'll see you around, stud!" 

"Ah- sure!"

---

Unnamed Stanny Fic

Danny is tired. He’s tired and has a headache and he keeps thinking about the fact that his best friend left for Europe without even telling him and his day sucks. So when Stiles - bundle of joy and sarcasm Stiles - jogs up to him with a too wide smile he just... snaps. "So Danny! Question for you. Do you-" 

"No, Stiles! For god's sake I do not find you attractive!" And Stiles blinks at him, eyes wide and... hurt. Shit, Danny is already starting to feel guilty and he really doesn’t need that on top of everything else. "Listen..." 

But Stiles lets out a little laugh, eyes vacant and a little shiny. "Well, I've figured, you know. You never answered me anyway." He draws a hand through his slightly longer hair, a grin masking the sting. "I was actually just asking if you wanted to sit... to sit with us, you know. So you're not alone or whatever. Lydia is there, too. And you like Allison, so... yeah." 

And great, now Danny just feels even more shitty. "Thanks Stiles, I... that's nice of you." He stands up and follows Stiles to the misfit table, Lydia smiling at him genuinely. "Stiles, I..." 

A message on the boy's phone interrupts him though, and he watches as Stiles pulls it out and deflates a little. "It's Derek." He says to the group, avoiding anyone's eyes. "I'll just take this and see you in class, Scott. Anyway, good to have you, Danny." 

And Danny can only stare after him, sitting down heavily on the bench.

---

Unnamed Spideypool Fic

It's then that he realises that Wade isn't next to him anymore. In fact, the place next to him is cold. 

He frowns and sits up, his back aching on the verge of pain. There's no note or something similar, but Deadpool-esque. No lipstick on his mirror. No message on his wall, pinned by a knife. No nothing. Not in the bedroom nor any other room in the flat. He left nothing behind. 

Peter's frown deepens, the high of the night making way for a heavy feeling in his chest. He ignores it, as he takes a shower. Ignores it, as he sits on the couch. Tries to ignore it hours later when he's dressing for his night patrol. 

His heart sinks and he feels vaguely sick to the stomach. That night, he apprehends four bank robbers and one pick pocket, prevents a gang fight, and rescues a kidnapped victim. 

He goes home and takes another shower. This time though, this time he scrubs his skin until it's an angry pink. Scrubs away the feeling of callused hands against his skin. Of lips again his neck, his chest. Of whispers in his ear and lips against his lips. 

He scrubs, until it hurts and only then does he leave the shower and collapse onto the couch, the mere thought of even looking at his bed nauseating. 

He shivers as he let's the held back feelings wash over him. Shame and anger mix in a cocktail of disgust. 

He feels used. And pathetic. 

He doesn't sleep. But he doesn't cry either. 

--- 

That’s it for now. I do have a lot more, but those are the ones I felt like sharing for now.

Might do something like this another time!

[consultingsister-aa]

❤ [ love, Sebastian ]

FOUR AND ONE // @asteriananthologies

❤  five four times my muse says they don’t love yours, and the one time they admit it.

I. Cecelia’s life has improved greatly the day she realised it didn’t need to be anyones birthday to buy cake. During the awkward ten minutes between her getting out of work and Charlotte getting out of school she had picked out a three layer chocolate cake, grin on her face from tesco. Of course, Charlie had chastised her for the decision, although it didn’t stop her digging in when they got home. Probably because she knew this was the closest thing Celia got to making dinner. Perched against the breakfast bar in the kitchen, while Charlie sat in one of the spinning chairs, they each attacked the cake with forks, enjoying the almost rebellious feel of not cutting it up into slices. “Do you think you and daddy would ever get back together?” Innocent eyes look up at Celia, as if she was just asking if she had a nice day at work. She knew what she was doing, Cee was sure of it. 

As she chews on her mouthful of cake, she pretends to consider. She can understand her daughter’s desire. It would be nice to have a settled home life. “No. We’re very different people now. Does that make you sad?” 

To her mother’s surprise, Charlie shakes her head rather vigorously, swallowing her cake before admitting, “I like having two christmases.” Celia points her fork towards her with a lazy flick of her wrist, as if to say, that’s my girl. “I know why you don’t want to be with James though. It’s because you love Sebastian now. That’s okay by the way, I know I should be sad about it but I like Seb too.” She gets it all out in one breath, obviously it’s been on her mind for a while. Now Cecelia really does choke on her cake; coughing and spluttering as she meets the younger girls look, shock etched into her own watering eyes. “Charlotte, I do not love Moran. What the hell?” 

II. “You do know that if- when this all goes to plan, your boyfriend shall be going to prison as well, Cece?”

221b Baker Street was a mess of files, papers, documents, crime scene photos and half drunk cups of tea. No seat, surface or inch of wallpaper was free from some sort of proof that James Moriarty was, in fact, the world’s most evil man alive. Or at least, in the opinion of the rooms occupants. Sherlock lent against the mantelpiece, looking tired but satisfied while Mycroft and John had managed to clear enough space on the dining room chairs to sit. Celia, on the other hand, stood in the middle of the room, looking around their compiled evidence with barely hidden glee, only for her smile to fall at Sherlock’s words. “And who exactly is my boyfriend today?” 

But it was John who offered up an answered, muffled slightly by the hand covering his face. “Sebastian Moran is my first guess.” He peaks through his fingers to see Celia’s look of shock mingled fury and grins at her. “Cee, we’ve been following Moriarty’s staff for weeks. You think we didn’t know you met up with him? We actually considered you might be working for Moriarty at one point. They Sherlock noticed you were twirling your hair around your finger whenever you talked to him. Classic Cecelia in love move. Mary confirmed it for us.” All three of the men seemed to get more and more satisfaction from her, as Cecelia stared about, open mouthed. She actually hadn’t known they were following Sebastian. They had considered that as risky as following Moriarty himself, but obviously they had worked around that. Without telling her! Maybe this was back when they thought she might have been a double agent. She’s actually sort of pleased with that vote of confidence from them all, but the idea that she was in love with Sebastian Moran? Fucking ridiculous. She stutters over her words. “I don’t– I’m not– for fuck sake!” They’re all grining now. “I do not love Sebastian fucking Moran!” 

III. Celia has never been good with blood. The fact she only gets vaguely nauseous these days is actually a grande improvement. Having completed one year of medicine at university though seems to have given people this idea that she’s practically a doctor. What most people don’t seem to realise is she spent every second class outside the lab breathing deeply in an attempt to get the corrider to stop spinning. She’s half convinced that this ‘turning up on her doorstep bleeding to death’ thing is her friends idea of exposure therapy. She also doesn’t totally buy that she was the closest safe house to Sebastian when he got stabbed; surely Moriarty has better places for his staff, and his second in command no less, to get stitched up than her house. Still, apart from all the blood, she’s pleased to see him. It gives her a little rush to know that he would come to her when in need. She’s always liked to be needed. “I want you to know,” Cee begins, breathing through her mouth as she pokes him with her needle, wincing herself, “that I’m not doing this out of love or compassion or anything, I’m doing it so you don’t bleed all over my carpet. Medical care is free in England, ya know? I’m charging you.” 

IV. What might be for the first time in her life, Celia looks awful. Her whole face is completely drained of blood and dark bags underline her eyes; a mess of lack of sleep and waterproof mascara not coming off. She can’t exactly sit up to greet him, three broken ribs will do that to you, but she does offer Moran a grin. Maybe it’s the fluorescent hospital lights, but even this small amount of effort seems to flush her cheeks and sickly green. 

She knows what he did. Moriarty would have likely gone the full hog and killed her the night previous if it wasn’t for him. Cee would have liked to say she didn’t give the criminal mastermind what he wanted but her threshold for pain is very low and she’ll cry at the drop of a hat these days. She’s not sure how long Moriarty got alone with her. It felt like hours but it could have been minutes for all she knows. He had sweetly explained to her that he was going to hurt her with the intention of causing the most pain he could, without allowing her to pass out or become unconscious from lack of blood. You can imagine the mess Cecelia was in then when Mycroft finally showed up with an army of policemen and ambulance crew, no Moriarty in sight. But she knew, she knew who had talked Moriarty out of his plan, and she knew who had called her brothers. He had appeared above her last night, in a haze of tears and pain like a guardian angel, willing her to stay awake. It was so hazy now she could not have been sure it was even him, but his visit to her sick bed confirmed it for her. He can’t stay long, she knows that before her says it. The only thing worse that Mycroft finding out would be Moriarty finding out about his visit. She’s starting to understand now. “It wasn’t just because of our case against him,” she whispers, her throat dry and scratchy from all the screaming and begging the night before. “He thinks you–” tears are rolling down her cheeks already. “He thinks we love each other.” She forced a smile. “I assured him we did not.” 

V. It had been months of rain. She knew that was impossible, if the rain didn’t let up for months they would probably all drown or something, but that’s what it felt like. New York City was as grey as London was when she left it. The whole world was grey without Charlie in it. Pointless people leading pointless lives, going about their business like the world didn’t end when Charlotte Holmes did. Cecelia’s world ended. She’ll carry on for the sake of carrying on but her hearts not really in it anymore. She tries to find passions in other things; persuading herself that Charlie wouldn’t have wanted her to just give up. In truth she doesn’t know what Charlotte would have wanted. It probably doesn’t even occur to a nine year old what she would want for her mother after she died. Parents shouldn’t have to bury their children; it was one of life’s sickest jokes. In a shallow attempt to remove herself from her own grief, Cecelia had uprooted her life in London and gone across the pond. New York had always held a sort of fantastic distraction for her before, but the grey cloud had followed her over to the States and hung above her head as a permanent fixture. Everyone was getting bored of her depression, she could feel them judging her silently, it’s been a couple months now, she should be over it. 

She’s been so numb to everything lately she isn’t even worried her door is unlocked, even though she is sure she did leave it locked this morning. It’s not like her to be so forgetful, although she’s not been herself of late. But the light on the living room… that is wrong. The man on the chair in the corner? Definitely out of place. She didn’t leave that here this morning. “Oh my god, what do you want?” She throws her purse to the sofa, heading directly to the drinks cabinet. He’s already got there before her; doors open; glass missing. “I have nothing–” her voice breaks and presses her hand to her mouth to cover a sob. “I have nothing else to give you Sebastian!”

It’s sick how much she’s missed him. She’s wanted to hate him, tried to with all her heart. But, as hard as she tries, she can’t. She can’t even blame him. He didn’t want her dead, she’s vaguely aware he’s as cut up about it as anyone. Maybe not her, but surely she gets some sort of mothers-privilege. She gets to be the most sad. 

“What happened? Did she go with you with willingly? That’s how much that little girl trusted you. She left her own home with you because– because I said she would always be safe with you. I did. I promised her.” This has been bubbling for weeks. The grief has given way to anger, finally. It makes her even more mad that he’s going to just sit there and take it like a wounded puppy. That’s all he is, he’s a dog on a leash, Moriarty giving commands. Sit boy, come, fetch Charlotte Holmes and lead her to her death! It makes her sick. 

“I trusted you.” Her voice is thick with tears. “I did more than that, I loved you. I loved you so much.” 

[jiminandlemonade-blog]

Loved you all along

Jimin fic (with mentions of Taehyung as your best friend)

Angst/fluff and minor smut.

For anon! Thank you so much for this request. I’ve changed the request slightly because I couldn’t let Jimin be angsty against one of his own band members, he’s a cute mochi in my eyes. I hope you enjoy!

Backstory - You always knew that one of the members of BTS had a crush on you, but you had no idea who. You were always teased by each member that somebody had a crush on, but you could never work out who was faking it, who actually loved you. This went on for months. Initially, you were Taehyung’s friend from school and once he left for Bangtan, it was as if your world fell apart. Your closest friend was no longer around, your home life was caving inwards and your behaviour for male attention was spiraling out of control. Fast forward 2 years and you were back in Taehyung’s life, you were always a part of his life, but you were back with him and it felt amazing. There was nothing more than being best friends and that’s what you absolutely adored about your relationship.  

Present day - Tonight, there was an after party at Big Hit to celebrate all of the accomplishments BTS had achieved to date. “What on Earth do I wear?” You screamed to your female best friend (Anna) over Skype.“I have no idea Y/N but you really need to make a decision, we haven’t got all day. I want to let my hair down!” She squeeled. Your mind drifted as you started to think about her. As much as you loved Anna, she really annoyed you at times. She also broke your heart. Because she broke Tae’s. Tae and Anna had been in a relationship for 3 years before they broke up a few months ago. You were always jealous of her, not for having Tae, but because he always contacted her but made no effort to contact you when he was debuting. He was head over heels in love. He always said he was ‘too busy’ but still managed to ring her. You knew he always contacted her, you were always with her, you just never said anything because you didn’t want to cause a scene. Anna was somebody who just wanted sex and because Tae would always give it to her, stayed with him. Unfortunately, she didn’t love him, she just loved his sex appeal. When he started to tour this year though, she craved affection much like you had when Tae left you. The only difference was you weren’t in a relationship, she was. She had sex with countless men. You were brought back down to reality when you realised she was staring at you. You recoiled at the thought of her sleeping with all of those men, hurting Tae, as you sent her a sarcastic smile back through Skype, sharply shutting the laptop because she was pissing you off. Tae and Anna hated each other and you hated her in a way, but she was still your friend. They both knew now, after breaking up, how their relationship affected you. You felt as though you lost your two main friends, turning to drink and sleeping with men you had met at a bar every now and then. You 3 were always a team but suddenly got forgotten about when they started dating and now, after the break up, you’d never get that team back.

Pulling up to the party, you parked in your designated spot and shut the door, nearly catching your dress in the door. “Shit” you muttered under your breath as you dropped the keys, trying to protect your modesty being lost in the car door. “Here”, you heard a familiar voice call. Jimin. He laughed as he handed you the keys. “I always feel like I’m your guardian angel” he giggled. “That’s because you are!” You exclaimed, bringing him in for an embrace and allowing him to kiss you on the cheek.“What’s that look for?” He questioned, noticing you dead eye staring Anna’s back as she walked away to the party without you. “I swear that girl uses me for a car ride sometimes. All she spoke about on the way here is wanting to have sex and make Tae’s night a living hell. I seriously wanted to punch her Jimin, really I did” you laughed off but meaning every word. “I still find your relationship weird..” Jimin continued “You and Tae are the closest friends I have ever met but there’s just no chemistry there?” Was that a question or as he stating a fact? “Yeah nothing, I admit he’s beautiful and charming and absolutely amazing but he’s my best friend and always will be”, you thought nothing would come in the way of you two again. “Shall I escort you then miss?” Jimin asked whilst bowing in front of you as if you were in some Disney movie. “Why yes, my sir” you replied fitting into the theme.

Jimin had always been a great friend of yours since you got to know Bangtan. You got along with Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook the most, maybe it was an age thing. Jimin was always there to help you whenever you were down though. He was always by your side, he really was your guardian angel. You and Jimin were the ones to help Taehyung get over his relationship, get over the fact he had been used and cheated on by one of your closest friends. You remembered the day you had to tell Tae what you knew, about the cheating. You felt disgusting and ashamed even though it wasn’t you that hurt him, but Jimin had your back every step on the way. He always did.  

“Seriously though, where is she?” You sighed, after wandering around the party for 15 minutes with Jimin. “We may have to extend our search” he suggested, so you went out to the hallways to look for her. Nothing. Another 45 minutes passed. You thought you were going to give up until you heard something. “Y/N” Jimin shouted from the other end of the hallway. He had seperated from you about 10 minutes earlier to go see Taehyung and Jungkook. He looked ghostly as if he was afraid to tell you something. “Y/N”, he continued, getting closer to you with his arms out, “Jungkook said that Taehyung went over to Anna and wanted to talk about everything” he looked down, wanting the floor to swallow him up, knowing the news would break your whole being. “Where the fuck are they?” You looked him dead in the eye. He didn’t say anything, he grabbed you by the hand and gripped it so tight, making you feel more at ease. You liked it. You liked him, you always had. But you just felt.. At ease. You finally made it outside of what you recognised as the rehearsal studio. You had only ever been to the Big Hit offices a few times before and only went down this area once. You were outside of the door but had no idea what you were going to say. No idea what you were going to do. Should you say anything? Should you do anything? You decided to text Tae.  

Tae, what are you doing? I’ve heard you’re with Anna. Please don’t do this. Me and Jimin have told you before to not go back into this. Please. I hope you’re telling her to piss off and not pleading her to come back to you.

Sent. You didn’t care whether it hurt Anna’s feelings. She had hurt yours and Tae’s enough and you were sick of her treating you like a piece of shit. Tae normally read messages straight away. It wasn’t read after a few minutes. You murmured to Jimin “I need to go in but I don’t know what to sa–”. “Follow me”, Jimin said, looking pissed to hell that his best friend wanted his nightmare of an ex girlfriend back again. “Taehyung, what the–” Jimin let out whilst barging through the door. You unconciously turned on the lights. The back of your mind was racing with thoughts. You were thinking the worst, that they were having sex. You didn’t want to turn the light on to see them but you wanted them to see your face, see you look hurt. “Oh my god” you gasped seeing Anna on top of Tae as if it was that moment you walked in on them 2 years ago. Your nightmares were coming true. The mirrors of the rehearsal room only maximising what you saw and intensifying every angle. “Anna, what the hell are you doing?! Why are you doing this?” You screamed, picking up her clothes from the floor and chucking them at her. She sent back a sarcastic smile, similar to the one you had sent her on Skype and continued to ride him. Jimin was stood, not knowing where to look but always made sure to have contact with you. Holding and squeezing your hand for comfort. Your whole body hurt. You spent so much of the past few months comforting Tae and explaining how he would find the perfect girl, holding him through his cries, crying with him, putting your hands through his hair, spoon feeding him strawberry ice cream when he was at his worst… You spent so much of the past few months believing Anna would change and she wouldn’t want to ruin your friendship again, but she seemed to loved it. It seemed like a kick for her. She wasn’t even drunk. You weren’t drunk. She was just manipulating everyone to get her own kicks, her own pleasure, her evil manipulating ways. You stood at the door, watching Tae finally get Anna off of his naked body and said the dreaded words.. “I hate you” You cried, kicking over a filing cabinet with one kick, letting go of Jimin’s grasp and running down the hall way..

Your flesh was hot to the touch, your eyes like ice but your blood was like lava. You had cried enough tears with Tae, you were all cried out. Tears trying to come to your eyes but nothing would happen. You were empty. What made him do this? Why did he do this? You kept running, as if you were lost. Do you go back to your car? After all, you had spent your night looking for Anna that you didn’t have time to even get a drink. “Fuck it” you thought, coming to the entrance of the party. “I could either leave or have a good night”. You knew what a good night entailed and the craving for male attention and affection washed over you as you pushed your way through the door into the main room of the party. Walking over to the bar, there were a lot of empty seats, a lot of people opting for the punch bowl but you needed something stonger. “Gin and lemonade” you called to the bartender in the pop up bar “make it a triple” you hollered to him. “Someone needs a stiff drink” a stranger called out, pulling his seat up next to you. Out of all the seats he could have sat on, he sat next to you. “I really do” you sighed. 1 drink turned into 3 drinks, 3 drinks turned into 5 drinks and the next thing you knew, you were doing shot sticks at the bar. The only person you saw was him. You didn’t know his name, nothing. This felt like fun to you.  

Soon enough, he had managed to wangle his way into your ear and head, telling you to follow him. You wanted to kiss the stranger, you wanted to feel love and affection. You craved attention but something felt so wrong. But it felt right at the same time. He pinned you up against the wall at a familiar spot, somewhere you knew and were aware of but your alcohol soaked thoughts couldn’t comprehend where you were. Tripping over a filing cabinet, you fell to the floor, a stranger on top of you, thrusting what only could be described as his hard manhood against your thigh. Something felt wrong.. Again. Something just didn’t feel right. He started to kiss your alcohol stained lips and slushed in your mouth as if he was desperate, a lot more desperate than you were. Was it so bad to do this? You both obviously craved attention. You couldn’t stop staring at the ceiling, feeling the weight of his body on top of you as his licked and sucked your neck like a serpent. It was messy, it was desperate. Very desperate. It suddenly got more intense, the stranger was kissing your neck in your most sensitive spot and you couldn’t help but let out a few moans. You knew one thing was going to lead to another, but something was wrong. He kept going, leaving bite marks all over your neck. You knew you would be embarrassed the next day and would have to wear a scarf for the next few days but you didn’t mind. This was taking the pain away. The pain caused by your two best friends. Once again, his desperate mouth was in yours, tongues fighting as if you both would never be kissed again. His hand started to move down your body and your body quickly tensed. He felt it. He stopped. Rather than going up your skirt, he went up your top caressing your boobs whilst causing more imprints on your neck. This seemed to go on forever but once he hit the sensitive spot again, you were a moaning mess.. “Jimin” you moaned. His head lifted from your neck and you could see the stranger looking at you in the dark room. You froze out of fear. Why did you call Jimin’s name? Why did you do that? Was it Jimin? No. Did he look like Jimin? No. Did he sound like Jimin? No. Did you love Jimin? Fuck. Yes. Yes you did.

You excused yourself from the stranger, a rush of soberness coming over you. You picked up your bag and started running, just like you did before. You felt dirty. You didn’t feel the way you used to when you hooked up with strangers. You realised you were just in the room where Tae and Anna just shattered your heart, feeling dirty once more. Your emotions were all over the place. Then you stopped in your tracks, falling to your knees. You had just moaned Jimin’s name during a make out session with a stranger. “Y/N”, you heard Jimin shout. “Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck!” You murmured under your breath, quickly trying to make yourself look more presentable. “Are you okay? I’ve been looking everywhere for you. I was so worried. I couldn’t get in contact with you and-” Jimin froze. His eyes meeting your neck. You saw his heart dying. This was when you knew, he was the one who loved you all along. Just like you did with him, you just never realised, until now. Tears pricked his eyes as he pulled back your hair, taking in your bruised neck. “Wh-why?” He stuttered. He knew about your past, actually he knew everything about you. “Jimin-I” you stuttered back. His hands left your hair and dropped to the floor as if his heart had been shot. He turned around and walked away. You wanted to say everything but couldn’t formulate any words. You could feel a lump form in your throat and wanted to run after him but your legs wouldn’t move.  

He stopped and turned around. “Did you ever know that I-?” He cried in the dark and empty hall way, his words cutting you. “That you loved me?” You finished, putting your head to the floor. “Yes” he said, looking outside of the window at your car, the place where tonight all started. “I only just realised Jimin. Really.” You said walking towards him, putting your hands in his but him rejecting you. You let out a sigh, not wanting it to be this way. “I know you’re not going to want to hear this, but you have to listen okay. Please just listen to me. When Tae and Anna were in a relationship, you know I was going through a hard time at home and at school. I turned to alcohol and men to fill the void of my best friend. I felt as though I had lost him again tonight. That void came over me again. It needed to be filled. I didn’t know where to turn. I had no idea what to do.” You felt your voice breaking as the words rushed out of your mouth quicker than it took the stranger to get you to the rehearsal room. “I’m embarrassed Jimin”, you stated to him, lowering your whole body to meet his gaze at the floor. “I never wanted it to be like this but it was the alcohol. What wasn’t the alcohol was the fact I just called a stranger your name when they were kissing my neck..”. You stopped. Shit, why did you just say that? “What?” He splutted. “Um, yeah.. I did Jimin. It didn’t feel right. The whole thing wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was but it was you. I wanted it to be you” the truth was pouring out of you so fast your heart couldn’t keep up with your mouth. “What did you do?” Jimin said bluntly. “What did you do?” He repeated when you didn’t answer the first time. “Um, like in the room?” You questioned. He nodded. “I tripped over the filing cabinet and fell to the floor, we started kissing and–” his head fell to the floor again as you said those words. He thought more had happened that what did. “Nothing more happened Jimin, I swear it” you cooed, picking up his head in your hands. “Well that’s not what that looks like” he replied, eyeing your neck once more. “Well yes, that happened but I was staring at the ceiling thinking about how something was missing. It was because this man wasn’t you. I realise that now.”

You wanted to kiss him, every inch of him but didn’t think now was the right time. You knew he felt sorry for you. He had the look on his face he always did when he pitied you. You didn’t want pity, you just wanted him to forgive you. “We’ll talk about this in the morning” he stated, taking your hand in his and taking you away from the hallway. You got to the entrance of Big Hit and Jimin asked whether you wanted to go and find Tae and Anna. “No, I’d rather talk to them when I’m sober. I think I know how Tae feels now.. Wanting something I can’t have” you sighed, talking about Jimin, thinking he would never forgive you for what you’ve just done. You still had alcohol in your system, the words were flowing like a stream, but you meant every word. Jimin took you by the hand again and said “Come on then, I’ll take you home”. “You really are my guardian angel” you smiled, looking into his heavenly eyes, feeling a slight glimpse of forgiveness. You heard the crunch on the stones in between your feet. You had took your shoes off at the bar with the stranger and left the rehearsal room without them. You just needed to get out of there. You sighed, knowing your feet were going to ache tomorrow, but once again, guardian angel came to the rescue and picked you up on his back, opened the car door and lowered you into your passenger seat. You waited for him to get in the driver’s seat. You wanted to see his face again, the face you had always loved, the person you had always loved but never realised. Jimin got in the driver’s seat after what felt like a life time and he glanced over to you “I really wish this never happened Y/N. I’m the one who loves you, not that random man”. He looked so sad, devestated even. You had broke his heart. You had also broke your own, thinking you had lost him. “But Jimin, without that moment, I would have never known that I had loved you all along” you cried, holding his cheek. “Like I said, we’ll talk in the morning” Jimin said softly through a half smile. You felt disheartened as you wanted to kiss him there and then like in a movie. You wanted him to tell you everything would be fine, but that didn’t seem to be happening..

Jimin went to put the key in the ignition and sounded the car, “Y/N” he sighed, “I know this may seem strange considering the circumstances but, can I kiss you?”. Finally! A movie moment. Before you even had time to answer, your mouth was on his, your fingers running through his hair as if this was the last moment you would ever spend with each other. His kiss was different. Passionate, sensual and you felt lost. You had never been in love before and now, you think you know the meaning. After a passionate and longing kiss, your hands were still cooped on his face, foreheads touching. “I’m glad you now realise that I’ve loved you all along”, he smiled, repeating your words back to you. You smiled, feeling that nothing could get better than this moment. “Jimin”, you continued.. “we’ve loved each other all along”.

[hencethebravery]

“The Swan-Jones Christmas Special,” a CS Writers’ Hub Secret Santa gift for @justanotherwannabeclassic! Merry Christmas, Shea! May the holiday season warm ur heart and bring good things to u and yours. xo

When you’re living your “Happily Ever After,” there’s no reason you can’t start enjoying the holidays. A happily married, post-S6 holiday extravaganza.

+ The first Christmas after she bears the official title of being someone’s “wife,” (which, when in the hell did that happen) Emma Swan-Jones decides that she is no longer obligated to be such a Grinch.

In her worn, imaginary copy of The Sad Orphan’s Handbook for Fairytale Saviors with Wretched and Otherwise Tragic Backstories, celebrating the holidays is one of those things that naive, mistakenly happy people do because they don’t know any better. Because they would rather be happy and dumb than smart and depressed (and obviously lacking a basic understanding of the evils of American capitalism). Up until only a few years ago, the holiday season had been nothing more than a way to convince people with no money to spend all of their money. An excuse for people who don’t get along (and usually with good reason) to be forced into the same room with one another, drinking away their disagreements and ignoring the inevitable truth of their lives: that nothing matters and the holiday season is an illusory, peppermint-flavored garbage festival.

The first Christmas after she bears the official title of being someone’s “wife,” (which, when in the hell did that happen) Emma Swan-Jones decides that she is no longer obligated to be such a Grinch.

“I’m sorry, a what?”

“A ‘Grinch,’ Killian, my God.”

No more, she thought stubbornly, trying and failing not to grin at the sight of Main Street all lit up and festive on the first of December. Nevermind the fact that Christmas was still, like, 3 weeks away, and putting up decorations this early and playing Christmas music non-freaking-stop at Granny’s is unbelievably annoying, and—this was gonna be a little bit harder than she thought.

After they watched the original, 1960s version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and Killian had a somewhat clearer idea of what Emma might have meant when she said that she no longer felt compelled to be a “Grinch,” he was still somewhat befuddled by the expression. Which was still just as charming as ever, but sometimes she wished she didn’t have to crack open her heart quite so much.

“Are you suggesting that your heart is of an unusual size, love? Because I hate to tell you this, but I have seen it.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me,” she says on a huff, pressing a hand against her sternum as if looking for the beat of the thing. “So?” he asks again, giving her a playful nudge, “What does it mean to not be a ‘Grinch,’ as you say?”

Sometimes she feels herself becoming quite sick at the prospect of having to share yet another one of her pitiful childhood memories (wondering if he hasn’t grown a bit sick of hearing it yet), but in order to really explain to him the whole, “embracing the holiday season” thing, he does kind of need the context.

“I know the Enchanted Forest,” trying desperately not to cringe when those words pass her lips, “didn’t really ‘celebrate’ in the same way this world seems to—”

“I don’t know,” he interrupts thoughtfully, “we had the odd celebration from time to time. I know I certainly stopped caring once I was at sea, but, it was known to happen.”

She’s not going to argue with him, and he is probably right, but she knows that there’s absolutely no way that the celebrations in magical, fairytale place were ever anywhere near as over-the-top as this world’s. For one thing, no constant, looping holiday music from every speaker in existence. No holiday-themed food and drink and movies and television—no constant, living reminders of the fact that the holidays are a special time for family and friends and some people don’t have any of those.

“I wanted it,” she begrudgingly admits, “at first.”

At a younger age, before she realized that it was folly to want such things. She desperately wanted the music, and the shopping, and the baking of the cookies. She wanted the nicely wrapped presents under the tree, and the large, obnoxious family dinners. And in retrospect, of fucking course she wanted those things. What small child, awash in the light and warmth of the holiday, wouldn’t want those things?

There was of course, the rather unfortunate truth, that Emma Swan had not been placed in the ideal situation for achieving optimal holiday bliss.

“Most of the homes I was in,” she explains, to the aggrieved look on her husband’s face, “didn’t really care. Or didn’t have the money to.”

She has incredibly vivid memories of asking for things—nothing extravagant or complicated, but just, ya know, basic. Can I get a coloring book for Christmas? Can we bake some cookies today? Can we go get a tree? And to all of these questions, at any point in time before her pre-teen years, the answers were almost always disappointing, tinted with anger, or downright cruel. A lot of them often followed the, “Do you think you’re special?” theme, as if an orphaned nobody would have the gall to suggest that she be treated like any other kid in her class.

“Well,” Killian says after a pause in her recollections, trying and failing to avoid touching his wife, when all he wants to do is wrap her in his arms and never let her leave the house, “that settles that, then.”

She looks back at him with a question in her expression, the small frown fighting to stay in place despite the fact that she has suddenly found herself locked in an almost painful hug. Not that this sort of thing hasn’t happened before.

“Christmas, Swan. You shall never want for a proper holiday celebration again. I swear it.”

“This isn’t Buckingham Palace, ya know,” she replies sardonically, again, trying to keep from laughing and pathetically losing this game they always seem to be playing, “we can just bake cookies or something, you don’t need to embark on a noble quest to defend my honor or something equally stupid.”

“You know very well I have no idea what that means, darling,” a large, absurd smile, and a wet, warm kiss on her cheek, “but defending your honor will always be one of my very highest priorities.”

Killian Jones spends the next few years making certain that every single one of their Christmases post-wedding is practically over-laden with holiday cheer. One year, that same year she had made her enthusiastic pledge to fully and unequivocally embrace all the holiday flim-flam, she had returned home from the station to find an unreal number of lights decorating nearly every inch of their property. From the understated, white twinkle lights to the large, retro-looking bulbs in shades of various primary colors—their entire house was practically a fire hazard; hung in the usual places, lining the rooftop, wrapped around the bannister, and even lined along the walls of their bedroom (for “mood”).

He also started pushing out more cookies than the Keebler Elf, which she pretended to be upset about until he caught her stuffing them in her face in the middle of the night. He experiments with a number of sizes, flavors, and colors, shopping them around to friends and family members, trying to discover the perfect combinations. The snickerdoodles are Emma’s favorite, especially when he “accidentally” drops in more cinnamon than the recipe had called for (which drives him a bit “batty,” but it’s worth it).

And before she knows it, these small, silly, typically Killian Jones-type things become something like… tradition? Swan-Jones family traditions. There are lights every year, no matter how busy they seem to get (with her parents, or Henry, or some other magical bullshit), and they watch the same movies every Christmas Eve (How the Grinch Stole Christmas, of course). And when the unexpected finally happens, and she’s only just begun to show a bit round middle, there’s always a small plate of cookies set aside for her cravings in the middle of the night.

“Ah,” he says quietly, a warm hand resting between her breasts and swollen belly, a heart beating in tandem with hers (both of them), “Just as I thought.”

“What’s that?” she asks sleepily, with the barest comprehension of whatever romantic nonsense he’s spewing at this particular moment. “Your heart, darling,” and she opens her eyes just wide enough to see his face aglow with the warm light of their tree, “just about three sizes too big.”

[okimargarvez]

HURT- open wounds

Original title: Hurt.

Prompt: Luke’s dark thought, destiny, contrasted love.

Warnings: sexual content, dark thoughts.

Genre: angst, drama, romantic, smut, dark, mistery, frienship.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, BAU team, O.C.

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: multichapter.

Legend: 💏😘😈🔦🐶❗🎈👻.

Song mentioned: La tua vita intera, Tiziano Ferro.

Hurt- Masterlist

MY OTHER GARVEZ STORIES

Chapter 5-

Yet she insists on going to the Quantico headquarters alone. She doesn't want others to know. -Not yet-. For him it's indifferent. He doesn't care what others think. Although he quickly became attached to the team. Or so he believes. Because as soon as she leaves her home and gets on the subway, his head starts to spin at full speed. And the ghosts visit him. It had been too good. It had lasted too long, the fun's over.

It's tremendous not to be able to be himself. Not being able to touch her. Smile at her. I'm screwed. Completely fucked.

Then she arrives one morning with bags in hand. She stops in front of his desk. He must hold himself back so as not to stretch his hands towards her body.

-It's just a little something.- he smiles at her, confused. There is hardly anyone. It's still early. He chose to get there first, hoping that filling out some paper would help him divert his attention from his fixed point. From his obsession. But it hadn't been like that, as he could readily imagine.

-For me? - he asks, hoping for a positive result. She shakes her head.

-No! Not for you, it's for Roxy. But you have opposable thumbs, so you can open it for her.- his face widens into a smile as he peers into the smaller bag and discovers some... biscuits. Which turn out to be unfit for his dog's diet. And telling this to her is a titanic enterprise. How badly this gets him, seeing her so sad because she was wrong. Fortunately, there is a second gift: a sweater. Pink. He would see it much better on her. It would exalt her forms. Then her damned phone ring -We have a case.- he can't avoid turning his head towards her, following her until she disappears in the meeting room.

 On the jet, he continues to rethink the information he has acquired on previous nights. The way she had stripped completely naked before his eyes, her sincerity. Totally exposed. Vulnerable at the highest level possible. If he had wanted, if he had been a sadist, a madman, a wicked person, he could have made her what he wanted. It was as if she had given him the opportunity to hold her palpitating heart in his hands, crystal, both for the transparency and the fragility of this material. The responsibility she had given him, unwanted and unexpected, had completely stunned him. She had left him numb.

Then some particular episodes come to his mind in random chronological order. She had told him that on public transport she never sat down. She always carried a book with her, because you never know, if the environment around her was dark, if the world tried to suck her down the drain, she would let herself be carried among the clouds on the balloon of fantasy; and then it was the only way to endure the noise of the crowd, the confusion, without really becoming estranged from the real context in which she found (and so it would not have been if she had listened to music with headphones). And at the same time, she had tried to explain to him how much in those moments, crushed between men in suits and ties, briefcase in hand, cheeky ruminant little girls, indifferent of their half-open backpacks, old women stubborn to not sit because "The next stop is mine", how often she lost herself to think how beautiful, varied, vast the world was. How many occasions, how many people we don't have the possibility to meet. She had felt a sense of loss towards something that had never been. And perhaps never would have been.

So, she had stared at him intently, making him understand that it could also have happened between them. Thanks to that criminal, only thanks to Daniel Cullen, to the escape organized by Mister Scratch, their paths had crossed. So, he owed his happiness to the bastard who had almost killed his best friend and had ruined his life. A beautiful paradox. And now this asshole was comfortable in a psychiatric hospital and there was even the risk of freeing him, because he was no longer the Crimson King, he was a rind of a man, the one who had left Lewis; he was any person he didn't know, he didn't feel he had committed any kind of crime. Always that he wasn't pretending.

Luke remembers the question Hotch had asked him. Do you want to kill Daniel Cullen?

And his answer: I took an oath to uphold the laws of this country. So... Yeah. Yeah, I want to kill him.

How much of these events had influenced in his first "approaches" with Penelope? He had not unloaded all his tensions on her? It wasn't just the shadows of his past or a desire to be "healed", as he had told himself until now. It was much more. He needed to throw, fling on someone else all that weight, which bent his back, prevented him from thinking rationally. And poor, little Penelope, she had found herself in the wrong place at the right time. And now that mistake had proved to be the greatest miracle that could ever happen to him. But he didn't stop feeling guilty, wrong, horrible, thinking about how he acted. How much he had used her, and yes, it cost him to admit it, even ill-treated. And to what he had received in return: love, tenderness, understanding, total availability.

The screen turning on interrupts his thoughts, more or less: it's the face of his woman, the one that occupies the visual rectangle entirely. -My crime fighters- she begins, as she usually likes to define them -I have some news for you: Amanda Berxtrom awaits you at the police station upon your arrival.- while providing important data, he is attentive and in "operational" mode. But as soon as the screen goes black, as if someone has pressed a button in his head, he re-starts from where he left off.

If only he could tell her. If at least he managed to get rid of this extra burden, this sword of Damocles, before it fell between them, definitively separating their lives. Because until he had said nothing to her, the "thing" would continue to grow, to incorporate him, drag him down with it. And there was the usual problem: there were other things that she should have known, before she could think, hypothesize a relationship with him.

And Luke realizes it while they're starting the landing maneuver. He wants that. He wants a serious relationship with her. And he can't have it. But he can't do without it. And so he's a hundred percent messed up.

 She cares about everyone, each of the members of behavioral analysis unit. Just as she wanted a deep good to anyone who had been part of it, even in a very limited way, like Jordan Todd. But for the first time since Derek said goodbye to the Bureau, she rehearsed that feeling of amplified anguish, at the thought that there is someone who she loves in a special way, out there to fight against the contemporary dragons of our society.

Well, it's useless to make fun of herself. She's in love. Wretch world!

Worse than a teenager. She is in the phase of the Little Prince: "If, for example, you come at four o’clock in the afternoon, then at three o’clock I shall begin to feel happy. As the time passes I shall feel happier and happier. At four o’clock, I shall become agitated and start worrying; I shall discover the price of happiness!". She does her job, she researches possible connections to identify the bad guy. But she does so with the knowledge that first they'll catch the unsub and first she'll see him again.

Oh my God, I'm so ruined.

And he, what does he feel? He didn't say anything to her, but the way he made her feel that night, the attention he gave her, the way he looked at her all the time, as if he were contemplating something precious, to be treated and protect with nails and teeth... it gives hope her. It's a while she doesn't see those shadows obscuring his already dark eyes. But she doesn't be fooled that they have disappeared forever. And she doesn't want that he censors anything in her presence. She wants him in integral format. Full package. Full price. Evil and good. In sickness and in health.

Till death do us part.

Amen.

 Why the hell that phrase does come to his mind right now? What does that have to do with what Spencer has just said?

When I was five, no, maybe they were already six... Zorba, my kitten, my first pet, was hit. My parents tried to sell me the story that he was gone, and indeed it was true, in a "better place" or so-called. But I saw it. I saw his body deformed by the impact with the car. He was agonizing. He was still alive. Mom didn't want that I knew it. But I discovered that a neighbor had to go there to "stop making him suffer". I have done absolutely nothing. I know I couldn't, I was just a child. But this is one of the things that still haunts me today. And when I went to Alaska with the team, one of the few times I was in the field, it happened that the signal was gone, I was talking to my boyfriend... I went down to check and I heard a cry. Human, though hardly recognizable as such. I was afraid, I would say a lie if I asserted the opposite. But I couldn't stay there, doing nothing. Why I didn't go call someone who would be able to do a better job than mine? Because there was no time. I knew he could no longer be saved. But I didn't want the last thing he saw was the face of his killer. Whose had taken his life from him... how it could have happened to me.

She had continued, adding the details of her exit, the frightening noises amplified by the fear, the wind that hissed, freezing every limb, the ferrous smell of the gushing blood, of the life that abandons the body of that poor man, the grass that crunched beneath her feet. But he interrupted her, because he wanted an explanation. What do you mean with "it could have happened to me"?

Penelope had sighed. And then spat everything out, exactly as he would have done with her own saliva or her own phlegm.

About ten years ago I went out with a man. I don't want to make this too long. He was attractive, at least for me. I had repaired his computer and he asked me out. I found it strange. I'm not the girl men see across a smoky bar and write songs about, I told Derek at the time when I told him about it. And just because of his answer, don't get me wrong, I don't want to least to blame him, it was only my responsibility, my naivety and stupidity. However, almost as a consequence of his sentence, I decided to accept the invitation. Just... this man was a policeman with the killer hero syndrome and he was convinced that I was identifying him. As a result, he shot me, hitting me very close to my heart, on the stairs of my apartment. And he also bent down to make sure I was dead, that his plan was successful. I had to hold my breath. In those conditions. As my head thundered, the forces faded, I heard David Bowie calling me, I thought I saw Mom, Dad and even Zorba, who made me a sign of reaching them... and I managed to deceive him. I don't know how. I don't know what I was holding onto. But what I know, and that I knew even then, is that I never wanted my last look to be occupied by my killer. That his indelible image remains forever on the retinas. I don't know if you've ever seen See No Evil...

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